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multi-fandom-fanfiction · 7 years ago

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That Should Be Me

Based on the acoustic version of That should be me by Justin Bieber (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FELP3UafXg0)

Everybody's laughing in my mind Rumors spreading 'bout this other guy

Theon walked passed a group of ladies as he walked into the feasting hall to join the crowd. Their laughter caused an unsettling feeling in his stomach as he tuned his ears to hear their conversation. "Did you hear about Lady Y/N and Lord Stephon," A girl in the group with red hair asked? "Yes but it can not be true she was betrothed to the Greyjoy boy," A woman in the group with Blonde hair denied. "I heard she got her father to end the betrothal when she found out he was a frequent visitor to the whore house so he could see Ros," A woman with black hair in their group says. "It would be the best thing for her she is far better than Ned Stark's ward and look at Lady Stark with Lord Hades they are definitely together," The last girl in the group said. The other girls agreed laughing again. It was true Theon had felt like the luckiest man in the seven kingdoms and beyond when he discovered you felt the same for him as he did for you. He was happier when your father approved the wedding knowing you two were happily in love but Theon knew he made a series of terrible decisions. He would go to the whore house visit Ros then leave. He never expected you to find out but you did. Now he heard rumors from men and women alike that you and Lord Stephon Hades were seeing one another and it killed Theon to think of another man making you happy. It drove him mad. He knew he was an idiot and everyone else did too now they all laughed at him or at least they did in his head.

Do you do what you did when you did with me?

You had the biggest smile on your face as you readied your horse. You tied the picnic basket up and turned towards your new lover. "I have the perfect place to picnic," You announce. "Is that so love," He tested? "Yes you will love it, my love," You say glee evident in your voice. "I can't wait if I am with you I know I will enjoy it," He replied a smile stretching across his face. You looked around before quickly pressing a short kiss to his lips. That moment Theon's heart shattered. His eyes began to water and it took everything he had to hold back the sobs. The Greyjoy was heartbroken not only were you were in love with another, affectionate with another, you were also doing everything you and the young ward did together with your new love interest.

Warning this next part is a bit mature if you are uncomfortable about sexual situations please skip to the next part.

Does he love you the way I can?

Theon couldn't help but notice the small blue, black, and purple bruise on your neck as you leaned down to encourage your younger brother and Theon was standing to the side next to Robb and Jon. It brought Theon's thoughts to the memories of you under him clawing at his back as you practically screamed his name. Your panting moans as you begged Theon to make love to you when his fingers were deep inside you or his head was buried deep in between you legs. The way your fingers felt as they trailed up through his hair or the way they felt as you held Theon's hands during your passion. The ways your eyes looked as they boor into Theon's. The way your lips parted moans slipping through them as he pushed you over the edge. You hands gripping the mattress, toes curling, and back leaving the bed. Theon thought of how well he pleased you how much he missed pleasing you. He wondered if Lord Hades loved you as good as he could or did he leave you barely satisfied maybe not satisfied at all.

Did you forget all the plans that you made with me? 'Cause baby I didn't

The life you both dreamed of playing over and over in Theon's head. All the plans you created were like honey in his brain sticking and refusing to leave. The moment Lord Stephon asked you to marry him in front of everyone who attended your name day feast you threw your arms around him and accepted squealing yes. Like all of you and your fathers' ward's plans and dreams were forgotten. Did you even remember the nights you would lay in the Greyjoy's arms your head laid softly on his chest fingers tracing random shapes on his nude chest while his fingers ran through your hair talking about how many children you would have would they be sons or daughters what their names would be or how you would decorate your shared chambers in Winterfell and Pike even what your wedding ceremony and feast would be like Theon wondered. It drove him psychotic how could you forget the love you shared when he couldn't even forget how you would want lemon cakes at your wedding instead of the typical pigeon pie.

That should be me Holdin' your hand That should be me Makin' you laugh That should be me That should be me Holdin' your hand That should be me Makin' you laugh That should be me This is so sad That should be me

You giggled softly as he leaned down as whispered something in your ear. His hand was tightly in yours as you both stood next to your mother and father watching as Bran and Arya ran from little Rickon who was it in their game of tag. That should be me Theon thought. I should be holding her hand. I should making her laugh. This is tragic why couldn't I have seen it sooner my need for her. Were the only thoughts running through your previous fiances head.

That should be me That should be me Feelin' your kiss That should be me Buyin' you gifts This is so wrong

You and the lord were walking through the market hand in hand. Theon hadn't known you two were going to be there he went into Wintertown for a new sword but he regretted it now. Watching you stop to admire a beautiful necklace. Your new fiance passed a coin to the merchant before taking the necklace from your hands motioning for you to turn around. He took one hand to move your hair and wrapped the necklace around your neck clasping it. He placed a small kiss to your neck before letting your hair fall back to its previous position. You turned back to him. "Thank you I love it it is gorgeous," You ramble before your future husband cut you off with a loving long passionate kiss. No no no Theon wanted to yell like a child throwing a fit when there mother told them they couldn't have another cookie. This was all wrong Theon thought to himself. That should be him buying you things kissing you for all to see. There was no doubt in the young lord's mind that that should be him.

I can't go on 'Til you believe that That should be me

"Baby please you don't love him you know it should be us getting married you know its true," The ward pleaded with you as he stood in your chambers. "How dare you I love Lord Stephon I used to love you Theon I truly did I was like a child on the morning of there name day when it came to our marriage but you hurt me and I found a solace in his arms Theon and there is nothing you can say or do I forgive you I do but I can love you no longer so please leave Stephon will be here any moment to accompany to Sansa's name day feast," You lecture. Theon sulked out the door. He would rather be dead than not have you in his arms. Theon decided at that moment he would stop at nothing to have you again.

You said you needed a little time For my mistakes It's funny how you use that time To have me replaced

You walked around the corner in search of your fiance when you saw him pressing a redhead up against the wall. There hands were running up and down each others body. His tongue was down her throat. Tears fell from your eyes. "Theon," You sob. He pulled away from the whore. "Baby," Theon started but couldn't finish as you bolted away. Theon hot on your trails. You slammed the thick wooden door and threw yourself on your bed. you heard the door open. You didn't bother looking up knowing it was Theon. He sat at the bottom of your bed not saying anything just rubbing your back as you sobbed. When you regained your composer you sat up and sniffled. "Why What did I do was I not enough was I not good enough," You asked? "No you are perfect if we're both being honest you're too good for me," Theon reassured. "Then why," You ask? "I don't know but I do know I am sorry and I won't do it again," Your betrothed answered reaching for your hand. "Do you take me for a fool," You asked yanking your hand from his slight grasp. "Of course not you are the smartest woman I know," The Greyjoy answered his brow scrunching alerting to his confusion. "Then you know I would never fall for that," You growl. "I am being honest," He tries to reason. "Theon you can't even give me a reason you know what that's means you don't love me which means you will do it again," You explain. Theon looked down at his hand guilt taking over. "Theon can you leave please," You asked? "Baby can we please work this out," He asked? "Maybe right now I just need a little time," You answer. He nodded before standing up and leaving. That moment haunted him. The moment he lost you. At that moment he was a small child overly optimistic. He figured you would forgive him and you guys would get married and live happily ever after like the fairy tales Old Nan told you. Theon found ridiculous but you loved them so he listened to them. Yet he realized you took that time not to forgive him or comes to term with his betrayal but instead used it to replace him. It was funny in a way. He actually thought he could get away with how bad he hurt you now you were hurting him every time he saw the two of you in love. It was funny in a way he cheated on you with some irrelevant whore from a whore house now you were replacing him and marrying some rich lord.

Did you think that I wouldn't see you out at the movies? What you doin' to me? You're takin' him where we used to go Now if you're tryna break my heart It's working 'cause you know that

You were sitting there by the weirwood tree your feet in the pond. Your head was resting on Stephon's shoulder. His arm was draped around you. Theon was sent by your mother to fetch you for your wedding gown fitting. He stopped dead in his track when he saw you two. That was your thing. You would meet there at sundown set in that exact same position and watch the sun go down and the stars come out. He felt like he got punched in the gut. He could of swore his heart stopped. Tears pooled in his eyes. He was never emotional person but seeing you and him it was killing him. His heart was in a million pieces. What are you doing to him Balon Greyjoys son thought. The only thing he knew for sure was if your mission was to crush his heart you were succeeding.

That should be me Holdin' your hand That should be me Makin' you laugh That should be me This is so sad That should be me

You sat with your family at the high table. Stephon was placed at your side his hand in yours. Though your family was there you looked at him like you use to look at the Iron Islander. Like he was the only one in the room. Your smile was the perfect accessory to your already stunning appearance. The young lord had a smile on his face and glint in his eye that made the future lord of the Iron Islands sick. He shifted his glare to you before softening his gaze. He doubted you could look any more beautiful but he was proven wrong when the man you were marrying said something that caused you to throw your head back and bellow in laughter. You looked truly ravishing. It killed Theon that was suppose to be him. Everyone was suppose to be arriveing to celebrate you and Theon becomeing one. It was tragic to watch. Theon knew you belonged with him. You were blinded by your pain to see how much you still truely loved him.

That should be me Feelin' your kiss That should be me Buyin' you gifts

You were playing with you little siblings when Lord Stephon walked out to the courtyard. You ran to him and pressed you soft lips on his rough lips. When you pulled away he placed his hands on your hips. "I have something for you love," He tells you. "What," You asked happily. He looked up and motioned to his squire who carried out a lilac dress that had silver features. It was house Hades colors. You gasped as you marveled at the beauty. You took the dress from his squire. "I can not thank you enough, my love," You thank standing on your tip toes and kissing him. When you pulled apart you said goodbye and went off to put the newest gift away. Theon who had watched the whole thing a look of distaste and anger firm on his face. Theon hissed when he fealt the practice sword hit his shoulder. "What was that," He yelped faceing your older brother. "Maybe stopping stalking my little sister and you might actually be able to beat me one day," His bestfriend taunted. "I was not stalking more like observeing," Theon reasoned. "Sure call it what you will," The young wolf teased. "Your my brother right," The greyjoy asked? "Always," Robb agreed. "So I can tell you anything," Theon asked suspicisly. "Yeah," The eldest Stark answered confusion written on his face. "That should be me," He exploded. "What," Eddard Stark's eldest son asked? "Ugh that should be me," Balon Greyjoys only living son said as he pointed the wooden sword at the lord who was now talking to your little brothers. "What do you mean," The stark asked? "I mean her she should be mine I should be the one she gets exited about seeing and runs to kiss I should be the one to shower her in gifts I should be marrying her that should be me," Theon explained. Robb gave him a pitiful look. Theon vented to Robb about one thing the fact that that should be him.

This is so wrong I can't go on 'Til you believe that That should be me

He beat the practice dummy as if it was a moral enemy. As the moments of this morning replayed in his head. "I'm sorry," Theon whispered. You placed your hand on his shoulder lightly before say, "It's ok I am no longer upset I am happier than I have ever been before and if you wouldn't have I would assume had feelings for whats her name Ros then I would be married to you and never would have looked to Stephon." Theon would have lied if he said that didn't greatly wound him. "You are going to be a beautiful bride," The Greyjoy complements. "Thank you," You thank turning back to what had occupied your time perviously. "You know I still love you right," The young lord asked? "Theon," You sighed. "I know you are marrying him I wont be able to change that after you wed but I will stop at nothing to prove to you that that you shouldn't be marrying him and that that should be me instead," He says before walking off leaveing you shaking you head and countinueing another detail to your fastly approching wedding.

I need to know, should I fight for love or disarm? It's getting harder to shield this pain in my heart

You greeted your fiances family a smile firmly on your face. Lord Hades's arm was draped over your shoulder and the group of you laughed together. Theon felt broken. It was getting harder and harder to hide his heartache. Lord Stark even noticed and chastised Theon for his broken heart. Saying something along the lines of leave her alone she deserves this and so do you I should have taken off your head for hurting my little girl. It made Theon's head spin with questions. Should he really give up? Could he really move on? Were you over him? Should he continue his quest for your heart or surrender to the slightly older lord?

That should be me Holdin' your hand That should be me Makin' you laugh That should be me This is so sad That should be me That should be me

You and the man you were going to marry walked to the stables hand in hand. He let you go so he could grab the horse. You both talked while he saddled the horse Theon had bought you for the name day where you turned three and ten. Your face had a joyful expression as you both laughed at something he said. Jealousy filled Theon threating to spill over and explode like wildfire. That should be him making jokes and bringing the heavenly sound of your laugh. He should be the one holding your softer smaller hand in his larger rougher hand. It was sad Theon knew. Pinning over a woman that could care less about him and loved another man. One thing he knew for sure was that should have been him.

That should be me Feelin' your kiss That should be me buyin' you gifts

You sat between your parents and Stephon. He pulled out a ring from a small pocket in his tunic. "Here love," He handed you the ring. You stared down at the golden ring that had the words "I only began living the day you came into my life" engraved on it. You gasped in awe. "I love you," You confess before leaning over and kissing him. Theon couldn't hold back the growl of anger and jealousy. That should have been him. Kissing you and showing you off. He should be giving you gifts everyday not that imposter. "That should be me," He whimpered under his breath.

This is so wrong I can't go on 'Til you believe that That should be me Holding your hand That should be me The one making you laugh, oh baby oh That should be me That should be me Giving you flowers That should be me talking for hours That should be me That should be me That should be me

Theon knew you were going to become Lady Hades tomorrow. You would stand under the weirwood trees blood-red leaves that contrasted with your stormy stark eyes, your copper Tully locks, and pale white skin. You would be wearing a dress that would complement all your best features. Theon would watch as your father walked you to the lord as Theon would be breathless and speechless at the sight of you. The Greyjoy would watch helplessly as you gazed lovingly into the other man's eyes before accepted him as your husband. The moment you said I take this man the Iron Islanders world would be given away to someone who wouldn't understand how truly amazing you were. You were the only person that had ever loved him for him. For the angry insecure jealous broken hearted lonely little boy that hid behind the arrogant cocky man, he pretended to be. You were the only thing that could shatter his whole existence. He feared tomorrow would be the last straw. The breaking point. He couldn't imagine living in a world where you were not his. He didn't want to. He didn't know he could. Theon was used to the ache of his broken heart but tonight was far worst then the pain had ever been. He needed to numb it or he would fall apart right here and fall to his knees sobbing for you to take him back. So he drank and drank goblet after goblet of the aged sweet imported dornish red wine. His head began to spin and his thought were fuzzy. His body sweated with a newfound heat. He stood up and stumbled over to you, Stephon, the starks, and the Hades. "Man are you alright," Robb asked noticing his staggering friend. "Shh I need to talk to them," He said frailing his arms in no general direction. The younger four Stark children rolled there eyes. You, Your future husband, and both sets of parents had yet to turn your attention to the drunk pike native. Robb motioned to Jon to come help him. "Hey brother maybe you should go lie down me and Jon will help you," The eldest of Lord Starks children offered. "No you and that bastard will not touch me I need to speak with Stephon," The greyjoy spat. At the ruckus all six of you faced the twenty three year old. "What is going on," You father bellowed. "My apologies Lord and Lady Hades everyone," Your mother apologizes to your future good parents and then to the entire hall. "I wanted to tell that imposter that is by my fiance that he may be marrying her but he will never have her heart no matter what she says she will always love me she will never love him ever," Theon growled. "Who is this fool and how dare he put down my son," Lord William Hades asked? "My apologies if you will give me a few moments I will be right back and everything will be taken care are of," You apologize before dismissing yourself. "It better I do not appreciate the disrespect," Lady Margret Hades says rudely. "Come on Theon," You encourage. "Not until I tell all these people who should really be buying you all those gifts kissing you holding your hand planning a future with you talking with you marrying you loving you," He opposed. "Now Theon Lets go," You ordered growling through your teeth and gripping his arm before pulling him as he whined like a child whose mother just told them no. You got back to Theon's chambers. You opened the thick wooden door before walking in and commanding him, "Lie down." He began to fumble as he tried to remove his shoes. "Sit," You sigh. He does as comanded before slurring, "You look pretty sexy when you take charge." You rolled your eyes at his drunk attics as you got on your knees and began to help take of his shoes. "I love you," He slurred through hiccups. You removed his shoes and threw them to the side. He began to remove his tunic but he got stuck. "Can you help," He hiccuped. You helped him remove his tunic then stepped away gatheering Theon's blanket and forceing him to lie down. "You need stop," You sigh as you sat next to him. "But it should be us marrying tomorrow it should be me sitting next to you tonight it should be me giving you flowers jewelry dresses and every other gift possible or talking with you for hours I should be holding your hand I should be holding you I should be kissing you I should be the one making you laugh I know I messed up but I know that that should be me and it is crushing me to watch him in my place," He ranted eyes becoming watery. "Rest," You say kissing his forhead and leaving holding back tears as you whispered my love.

Never should've let you go I never should've let you go That should be me Never should've let you go That should be me Never should've let you go I never should've let you go That should be me

Theon awoke with a pounding headache and a suprising remberance of the night before. He almost forgot for a moment that you were getting married that afternoon. He stood up and began throwing things across the room and yelling at himself, "You fuck up you deserve this you deserve worse than this you runied the best thing that has ever happened to your pathetic self if you weren't such as a idiot that would be you just like it should be but no you hurt her like the prick you are then you didn't even try to keep you just let her go." Hot salty tears fell down the lord's cheeks causing them to puff up his eyes darken to a bloodshot red as he sobbed. "I have to get her back I have to," Theon decided sprinting out his door not bothering closing it. He ran straight in to a petite maid. He got up fratically. "I am sorry I really am but I am in a hurry where is Lady Y/N," He rambled. "My lord the ceremony all ready began Lady Y/N and Lord Stark left a little while ago I am afraid she will not be available until tomorrow most likely," The maid explained pity laceing her words as she gave him a sad look and scurryed off. Theon sprinted through the godswoods where you stood. "Stop don't do it stop," He screamed. The sound of frantic running and loud yelling everyones face turned towards the opening in the trees. Theon ran out of them before stopping at the bottom of the isle. "Y/N I know I hurt you and I know you have feelings for him but they will never be as strong as ours I realized why I did it I was scared I was scared that one person was my entire universe I was terrified that you were the onlly thing that could shatter my walls with just one look I couln't believe that some one so strong so beautiful so intelligent existed let alone could love someone like me I need you to know that the greatest thing that ever happened to me was you That every time we talked for hours or just a few moments were highlights to my day I want you to know that every secret kiss me and you shared felt like they were gifts from the gods Everytime I bought you a gift and saw how exited you were filled me with an unexplanable joy Every hug I felt like I finally found a place to call home I was honored everytime I got to see your smile or hear your laugh it terrified me to feel this way All my feelings all my thoughts were so complicated around you with Ros they weren't so I thought that was a good thing but it wasn't I know that you are the only thing that keeps me sane and I need you I hurt you I know and I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you would give me the chance and let me be what I should be," He says letting his vunerablity and honesty shine through. You teared up as you watched the man you love break down in front of everyone for you. You looked at your father and mother with a worried look before giving the same gaze to the man you were about to marry. "I know you still love him if he is what will make you happy then go do not marry me marry him I love you and the only thing I wish is your happiness," The man in front of you grants. "Your mother and I feel the same," Your father also grants. You smile before picking up your dress and running to Theon. He caaught you in his arms as he hugged you close lifting you off the ground and spinning you around. "I love you," You both whsiper through a series of kisses when he placed you on your feet. You turned to thank Lord Stephon Hades of death mountain (a Random place I made up) but instead, you both saw an open spot where he should be and your father pointing to it. That day you married Theon. He kept good to his promise and showered you with affection, attention, and gifts for the rest of your life. You had a beautiful family and took your rightful seats as Lord and Lady Greyjoy of the Iron Islands. You lived happily ever after just like it should have been from the start.

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ghostly-thorn · 3 years ago

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Already working on this gem

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#pokemon #pokemon fanfiction #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon swsh #fanfiction #songfic #dragons #game of thrones #raihan #gym leader raihan #Youtube

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teiasviago · 5 years ago

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So...I wrote another JB fic instead of the 8x04 rewrite if you’d like to read it. It features soft feels and badly written word jousts like in the good old days of their relationship.

#got #game of thrones #alternate universe #a song of ice and fire #brienne of tarth #jaime lannister #i also try to do comprehensive tagging #which means that i read through the fic for tags before posting #so sometimes over half of them are just commentary lol #songfic #turning page #sleeping at last #jaime's a good boi #brienne x jaime #jaime x brienne

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targsdaenerys · 5 years ago

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drapetomania chapter IV - Jonerys Modern AU

Rating: M WC: 6,055/17,019 Chapter Count: 4/10

WARNINGS: subtle mentions of ptsd and past sexual/emotional abuse, panic attacks

When Daenerys and Jon are both separately told they are going to be arranged into marriage with a stranger for familial gain, they decide they have ultimately had enough with the abuse of their family members. It is by complete coincidence that they find each other in the midst of running away - and even more so when they start gaining feelings for one another, not knowing they are each others’ planned spouse.

read chapter 4 here

#jonerys #jonerys fic #jonerys fanfic #daenerys targaryen #jon snow #jonerys fanfiction #jonerys ficrec #got fic #game of thrones #drapetomania #hayley writes #hayleys songfic collection

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pen-in-hand · 6 years ago

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Gladiator || Daenerys x Reader

Song in the drabble is Gladiator by Zayde Wolf

A/N: look who’s risen from the dead. me. i’ve risen. i can’t believe I actually wrote something. please excuse the lack of editing. Full disclosure I started writing this before season 8 started airing, and I haven’t seen season 8 either so...

(gif is mine)

The first time you saw her she was being handed over to a Kahl by her brother,

Let me back it up to the start of the climb Faced with an army of vipers and lions

But look at her now.

I had to keep on reaching up 'cause it was my time To tear down the kingdom and call out the liars

The once meek girl who stood hidden behind her brothers leg stood tall and proud

Got a jail on my heart from the pessimists Got those nails in my mouth for impressionists

The child had grown in ways that no child should have to;

Spent too much money on a therapist Couldn't fix me, I accepted it

Gaze cutting and tongue even sharper, yet she needn’t utter a word.

Gladiator, gladiator, gladiator Picked a fight with the gods I'm the giant slayer

She emanated royalty, surrounded by her children.

Bone shaker, dominator Freight train, wrecking ball, I'm the gladiator

She didn’t need wings with her head held high, she merely glided over the ground.

Tell me what it is that you think you believe Caught in a cross fire. Trouble at sea

No man, woman, master, slave, living, or dead would stand in her way.

Every single day I feel that gold underneath I see the locked doors but I got the key

She was destined for the throne, so the throne she shall have.

Imma give you a second just to catch your breath 'Cause I can see that your heart is jumpin' out your chest

Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name,

Gladiator, gladiator, gladiator Picked a fight with the gods I'm the giant slayer

The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men,

Bone shaker, dominator Freight train, wrecking ball, I'm the gladiator

Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea,

I've got every reason to fight Have you ever shaken hands with the devil in the night?

Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms,

Let me tell ya I've got every reason to fight

Breaker of Chains, Mother of Dragons,

Gladiator, gladiator, gladiator Picked a fight with the gods I'm the giant slayer

And ruler of your heart.

Bone shaker, dominator Freight train, wrecking ball, I'm the gladiator

She had more strength than the gladiators of old.

Gladiator, gladiator Picked a fight with the gods I'm the giant slayer

She would rule this world.

Bone shaker, dominator Freight train, wrecking ball, I'm the gladiator

And not even death would stand in her way.

#mine #game of thrones #got #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #daenerys targaryen #songfic #em writes #tag later #maybe #ff

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asilentfrenzy · 7 years ago

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Tommen hesitated in front of Lady Sansa’s chambers with his mouth set in an uncertain frown.

i’ve fallen out of favor

He guessed himself near the top of her list of people she did not want to see, but the will to provide her some small comfort, an apology on behalf of his older brother, led him to her door.

It would be a futile attempt, he was sure of it, but he at least had to try. Lady Sansa deserved the respect that was the effort of at least one person made on her behalf. He was still a boy, but he had matured enough to understand exactly how severely she was being treated at the mercy of his family.

The shock of seeing first-hand how her skin was cut open and bruised at his brother’s command had frozen Tommen to the center of his core. He was unable to move then, unable to look away from the humiliation and sadism inflicted onto pretty, pliant Lady Sansa. The same Sansa who he had always blushed at the sight of when she had first arrived to King’s Landing. His shy looks and reddened cheeks had faded into averted gazes and expressions of shame over time. He always knew how she was treated, and yet he did nothing. Not that he could do much, but he could try. No one ever tried for her.

and i’ve fallen from grace

His eyes fell and blurred out of focus as he watched the ground, sinking deeper into the darkness that had cloaked itself around him as if he were a maiden marrying the Stranger himself. He was drowning in the miseries that moved through the stone walls of King’s Landing, ghosts of the sorrows elicited from the innocents that had been down on their good fortunes enough to end up there. He couldn’t take it. It was a cursed place, a hell in itself. If he could hardly tolerate the sinister ambience of it, the relentless loneliness he often found himself spiraling further and further down into, then he could only imagine how Lady Sansa was faring, for she wasn’t a prince as he was. Quite the opposite, unfortunately. She was a prisoner, and her captors offered not a shred of mercy.

fallen out of trees

No, he would change that by offering his mercy. He would put forth his greatest efforts to show her she wasn’t alone.

Should he ever get the chance, should Joffrey ever travel or fall, he would show her the humanity a king ought to have as Protector of the Realm.

Before he could lose his courage, he knocked on her door. He swallowed nervously and stared down at his feet as he shifted the small animal in his arms. He was often severely mocked for his love of animals, but he was sure Sansa would treasure such a companion, for there was no trust to be doubted when it came to a pet. Animals held no ulterior motives or knowledge of trickery.

Clearing his throat, he gently announced himself when she questioned him behind her door, a pang of grief on her behalf shooting through him at the clear sound of terror in her voice.

She opened the door slowly, her head tilted downwards as she stepped back along with her door to allow him entrance. She greeted him hesitantly and struggled to look at him respectfully as she spoke, her eyes flicking between his face and the floor. Tommen pressed his lips together in indecision as he glanced between her and the door. It would be improper to be alone together in such a way, but if Joffrey caught word of him visiting her chambers..

and i’ve fallen on my face

He swiftly stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He held his free hand up in a submissive motion when he had closed it a bit too hard, causing Sansa to stumble back a couple of steps. Her blue eyes were wide on him now, her shoulders rising and falling with her panicked breaths. He had always been kind to her, but he could practically read the thoughts behind her eyes that spelt out her worries that he had started to develop Joffrey’s taste for torment.

“No, no! It’s okay, lady Sansa. I only came to speak with you. Is that.. Is that alright?”

Watching her warily, Tommen chewed the inside of his cheek as Sansa’s chin jerked up slightly as she struggled to swallow. She pulled at her fingers before forcing them down and bowing her head respectfully.

“My Prince need not ask, for I only wish to please him.”

He frowned and itched to go to her, to comfort her with assuring words. He kept his feet planted. She was too afraid, and he did not want to intimidate her further. He remembered the kitten tucked under his arm with care and held it out in front of him. He extended his arms as he watched her eyes, moving his own to the squirming cat and back to her in communication.

Relief settled his worries a bit when he saw the faint way her eyes lit up for a small, hopeful moment before she studied his face, attempting to read his expression as she feared him making a jest at her expense. He still didn’t move or direct her to take him, she received enough direction as it was, and instead waited as she slowly came to him. She worried at her lip, glancing up at him several times before taking the kitten in her hands and holding him close to her chest and over her heart.

Her soft hands had trembled when they had brushed against his own, dragging his shame down even lower.

out of windows too

“Tommen.” He cleared his throat, looking beside her as he clasped his arm behind his back and bounced slightly on the balls of his feet. “Please. I’m.. not here to be your prince. I thought you may be lonely, and if you get nightmares as I do.. well he will surely protect you.” He wasn’t sure how to go about his apology properly.

What could he possibly say that would be the least bit adequate?

“You’re.. You’re giving him to me, your-” she cut off awkwardly and shifted in uncertainty. “Tommen? I am afraid I am not worthy of your gifts. I am the daughter of a traitor, and nothing I do will cleanse my traitor’s blood.”

His chest ached and he squeezed his arm, still unable to meet her eyes. His grandfather had always been so firm in his lessons regarding loyalty to one’s family. It was hard hear her speak such words that she had been trained to say if she hoped to avoid even harsher beatings than those of which she already received.

“You don’t have to say those things to me, Lady Sansa. As I said, I am not here as your prince. I’m here as.. your friend mayhaps. I’m lonely too.” Tommen was surprised and embarrassed at himself when he heard the break in his voice as he admitted his loneliness. He swallowed his emotion down quickly before clearing his throat again and forcing himself to look at her face, hoping to conjure an encouraging expression. “He is the most behaved of my kittens, and he doesn’t get into trouble like his sister. It would be wiser if he didn’t draw attention to himself, as I would not like him to be used against you.. or hurt like some of my other pets have. I know you had a pet before you came. Your wolf. He’s definitely not a wolf, but.. He is grey and white. Your house colors.” He closed his mouth to keep from going on, bouncing on the balls of his feet once more. He hoped she would trust him, or at least allow him the chance to earn her trust. He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. He didn’t think he would be able to trust him if he were in her place. Should he really have reminded her of her dead wolf, especially seeing as the creature’s blood remained on his own mother’s hands? Probably not, no.

He remembered he had cried when he had learned of Lady.

“My house col.. He’s your kitten? I - I couldn’t possibly.. I would feel awful. I’m sure you love him very much.” Sansa was holding the kitten close to her neck before she stepped closer to him, carefully prying the small animal off of her to offer him back.

fell in your opinion

Watching her with a sincere expression, Tommen stepped away while holding his hands up in decline. He was struck by her words regarding his feelings. Why did she care if he loved the kitten? She didn’t owe him any thought. She shouldn’t be considerate of his feelings, not after everything. “I want you to have him,” he insisted before smiling with encouragement. “He will remind you to be strong, as you have to take care of him now. He needs you, just as you him.”

when i

Sansa stared at him with her alarmingly blue eyes, big and full of caution. She slowly brought the kitten back up to the crook of her neck where he eagerly resettled himself and Sansa slightly angled her head so the kitten was tucked under her chin. “Thank you, Tommen..” Her words were soft, and he could tell she meant them, though there was still doubt in her voice. She watched him with a wariness that he could read well, as he had felt the same towards his cruel brother when he feared Joffrey would snatch whatever kindness he chose to offer away as he always did in his cruel way of teasing. Despite his wariness, Tommen had still foolishly fell for his brother’s tricks every time for far too long. He would never do that to anyone, especially not Sansa. She was too good and too pretty.

Too innocent.

“I’m so..” He started, flushing with embarrassment when his voice wavered and dropped into thickness as emotion captured it. “I’m so sorry, Sansa. I know.. I know you must hate me after all my family has done to you. I would hate me too. I would.. never be able to handle what you have.. never be able to stand tall and face them day after day. Joffrey torments me, but.. I just am sorry, and I want you to know that I would never hurt you. I can’t.. help you in the way that I would like. I’m helpless to be of any aid, but.. I thought..” Tommen cut off, inhaling slowly as he became more frustrated with himself. He was a man, and Sansa was a lady who deserved his apologies. He should be able to speak to her with sureness so she knew him sincere. She deserved that. “It is my duty to protect you as prince. I’ve failed you, and I offer you my most honest apologies.”

“I know you aren’t like them,” she told him, a vulnerable sound of mourning laced into her tone. Sansa was allowing him a glimpse at her deeper emotions, deeper than only the emotions of fear and forced obedience that she usually showed. “Please don’t apologize. I - I want to be your friend too. I’d like that. I need a friend.”

fell in love

Tommen inhaled sharply, relief and happiness spreading through him like a hot drink on a chilly night. He closed his eyes for a moment, nodding as a smile spread over his face. “Good. Thank you. Mayhaps one day you will fully trust me. I do not expect you to now, but I am determined to earn it.”

Without receiving a reply, Tommen let out his breath in a satisfied huff, looking around her chambers while clasping his hands together. He bit at his lower lip, determined to not fall into an awkward silence. He began to turn and ask what sort of books she liked after spotting a few on her desk, but his words were cut off in a surprised choke of a noise when he found himself in Sansa’s embrace, his gift to her pressed between them. He frowned in reverency and understanding, clutching her to him in return. He felt his emotion draw up his throat again, realizing just how lonely he had truly been. It was so sweet to finally have a friend.

Tommen quickly learned just how intelligent Sansa was as he continued to visit her, funny as well. His mother often claimed her head to be empty, but then again his mother rarely had anything kind to say about most other women. His friend enjoyed many of the same things that he did it, and Tommen was elated with how easy it was to get on with her. He did not think himself very creative to come up with a new activity had they not shared any common interests, so he was relieved they were so alike. After all, they were limited in their freedom. She was not hard to entertain, and he found his self-esteem improve each time she was in his company. She didn’t pretend to be amused with him, didn’t pretend to laugh at his poor attempts at humor, didn’t call him girlish for enjoying stories and histories or music. He didn’t have to pretend to be a bigger man than he was, a man at all on that matter. They were both only children, children forced into adulthood years before they were ready.

They were children, but the best thing about Sansa was that she didn’t treat him as a child the way everyone else did.

with you

Sansa was a bit older than him, but still she treated him as though he were her equal. He wasn’t forced to brush off any formal, meaningless courtesies that everyone was demanded to offer him as prince, nor was he spoken down to and patronized by her as if he were an incompetent toddler. He had always been the baby of the family, despite how he was aging. Admittedly, he didn’t exactly work on portraying himself otherwise. Never confident enough to stand against his mother’s view of him, he remained quiet and small in the background. Not that he wanted attention, but he’d rather not be treated as an idiot. His wolf friend was feeding him the respect he had always craved for his confidence to grow. Mayhaps he would be able to stand a bit prouder as he further grasped at his own control over his identity. He could only hope he was encouraging her at taking steps towards her former self. Actually, he could see that he was. Every time he came to visit her he found her eyes a bit brighter, her teasing a bit more liberal. Still a perfect lady, somehow Sansa kept her poise and grace while still being carefree and lighthearted at the same time. At first she had been quite hesitant around him, covering her breathy laughter with her hand and occasionally flinching when he moved too quickly, but it did not take too long for that to pass. He had feared that her spirit had been broken into far too many pieces, making her unable to relax completely around him and truly treat him as her friend. Evidently he had underestimated the strength of her light. She was far too strong to have it stomped out, far stronger than himself.

“I think you would make a wonderful king, Tommen.” Her eyes had met his own, the endless blues of them strangling his attentions and holding them at their mercy. She was not habitually responding to his offhanded comment about how everyone would snort and giggle in secret if he had been the one crowned king rather than Joffrey simply out of expected politeness. No, she was looking at him with pressing sincerity, a small amount of fierceness in her gaze almost as if she were angry with him for saying what he did. “You’re better than Joffrey in every way imaginable. You’re much smarter, far more clever. You’re fair.. You’re merciful. A king should be merciful.”

“I am not strong.” His eyes avoided hers as he protested, though his chin had slightly tilted up. “A king should be strong. Firm. He should be able to make difficult decisions and stand up to his enemies.”

sometimes i wish for falling

“You are strong! Far stronger than Joffrey.” She growled the negative remarks toward Joffrey in a lower tone, careful of possible listening ears near her chambers. “His grace cowers at his own shadow, but of course only after giving it his empty threats as he always does to create the illusion of strength. He trembles before anyone with the smallest amount of power, which is everyone but me and other women who are helpless and scared.. and you. But you aren’t helpless, only scared. You don’t have to be scared. You have power. You’re the prince. You’ve seen Joffrey, he screams that he’s the king but he rarely has the power to do what he likes! You don’t have to shrink back from him. Don’t let him hurt you anymore, Tommen. You aren’t one of his playthings.. Leave that role to me. Stop allowing them to make you feel little. Outside of those in my family, you’re the best man I’ve ever known.”

wish for the release

Stunned at her words, Tommen simply stared at her. An odd shiver of adrenaline went through him, and he was a bit embarrassed at the way his body made a show of it. He tilted his head slightly, going over and considering her words, her praises. Her encouragement was sincere, he had known that much. He could easily tell when she was lying by that point, could tell when her words of admiration were false when said in that monotone voice she used when falling into her mask of the submissive prisoner. Her voice had not been hollow and her eyes had been filled with honesty. She thought so highly of him, she had called him a man. It meant a great deal to him, but he wasn’t sure he deserved it.

“You’re not his plaything Sansa. That’s only what he thinks you are. You’re stronger than you think as well. Joffrey throws a tantrum at the smallest things.. where you act as though you’ve received not even a scratch from your time here. You’re a wolf and always will be, no matter how much they try to skin you. Though, I will say I see just a bit of lion in that smirk of yours.” He grinned at the way she had given him a squinting look at his claim, but she did have quite the proud smirk whenever she would beat him at a game or prove him wrong in facts of history or literature. “You would have made a better princess than Margaery.”

wish for falling through the air

She gave him a challenging look of amusement. “Thank you for your sweet words, my most gallant knight, but I do know you’re exaggerating. We both know Margaery will make a flawless queen. Besides, I could never ruin any of my dresses how I heard she did.”

Tommen laughed at her overacted horror on the topic of ruined gowns before pursing his lips and shrugging. “I’m biased towards my best friend. I can’t help it.”

She shook her head, a smile playing at her lips. He couldn’t hold back his boyish blush when she leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

to give me some relief

“I see you have one of my knights guarding the Stark girl’s chambers,” his grandfather drawled to him in passing one day. “I was informed it was you who made the order.”

Indeed, he had. He couldn’t trust the shameless knights who had beaten his friend to tears one too many times. Tommen had no idea how they managed, as she had wept to him only days before, and Seven Hells. He was sure her tears could break even the strongest of men.

because falling is not the problem

“I did.” He tipped his chin up slightly as he clasped his arm behind his back, forcing himself to be sure in his words, steady. “She is a lady from a very, very old house who thousands are fiercely loyal to. She is valuable, too valuable to be treated as though she is Joffrey’s toy. Surely my brother ought to know that as king, but I suppose it has slipped his mind, busy as he has been protecting the realm and whatnot.”

He inwardly winced at his boldness. Had he forgotten he was talking to Tywin Lannister?

“I agree.”

Tommen blinked back his shock before quickly bowing his head in respect. “I thought you would. I always try to take what I can from paying attention to you, grandfather.”

when i’m falling i’m in peace

“Careful, Tommen. You’re beginning to sound as though you’ve finally stopped nursing from your mother’s breast.”

There were two Lannister knights guarding Sansa’s chambers the next evening he had gone to see her.

Much too quickly after Sansa was freed from the engagement to his brother, she had been engaged to his uncle.

He was heartbroken for his friend when he had learned of the betrothal. He was so old, so different from his Sansa. She was a lady, modest and proper, where Tyrion was infamous for his reputation with whores. The bedding.. Nausea swept over him at the thought as well as an odd pang of jealousy and possessiveness, catching him a bit off guard.

it’s only when i hit the ground

Well of course, he supposed. Spending enough time in a woman’s company would lead to at least a little affection. She was still his best friend, and he would never want to disrespect her by looking at her in a way she didn’t deserve, but she was developing as a young woman. She had always been a stunningly pretty girl, but as of recent.. Gods she was beautiful. Such a face was unfair to the rest of the women in the world. Tommen couldn’t help but think on how he would have made a much better husband, but he knew his grandfather’s intent was to tie a Stark to the Lannisters.

Tommen was called a Baratheon.

Yes, he was called a Baratheon. However, as of late his doubts only grew, just as the rumours did. He tried to avoid exploring the speculation regarding his parentage, but it still stuck in the back of his mind, disturbing him more and more. He was at the point where he leaned towards what the people thought rather than the claims of his family, gods knew they weren’t above lying no matter the severity of the cost should they be discovered in their many treacheries.

He was naive, yes, but he was neither deaf nor blind.

it causes all the grief

Too soon, the wedding came along. Tommen tried his best to keep his emotions under control for his friend’s sake. He was fearful for her, but he cared about her happiness more so than his own. He knew if he portrayed his worries it would only cause Sansa’s to triple. The two of them fed into one another, and he had to feed her composure, no matter how false it may be, just as he would gladly take on her distress in exchange.

Of course she looked lovely, breathtaking as ever, but he disliked the amount of Lannister colors on her, especially seeing that it was much more common for the bride to wear colors of her own house, but he was less than shocked that there was very little influence of her house in her attire. Of course she would have never been awarded the smallest freedom of wearing Stark colors on her wedding day, a wedding she had no say in to a man horrendously older than her, horrendously unsuited for her. The sept may just very well collapse if the wolf bitch were permitted to wear her traitor Stark colors despite the fact that they were breeding her traitor blood into the all superior line of House Lannister.

Tensed, his vision unfocused and refocused when he watched on as his vile brother whispered in Sansa’s ear.

Why had the Gods forced upon him an evil bastard to call a brother?

this is a song

Unfortunately, Sansa becoming a Lannister did not end Joffrey’s lust for her torment, and not long after the wedding Tommen found himself frozen stiff and watching on as his brother ordered Sansa’s skin to be marred, cut open by a sword.

“Nothing too deep,” the King leered. “Just deep enough to scar. I want her honored with the King’s art displayed on her body.”

It was as though water had filled his ears as all sounds around him were drowned out, replaced only with a horrid ringing sound. He couldn’t.. Tyrion.. Where was Tyrion? Where was his useless uncle? Where was Sansa’s bloody husband?

for a scribbled out name

Tommen’s eyes focused on the blade being drawn, the ringing only growing louder. He was near certain that his heart would inflict bruising inside his chest with the way it was pounding against it.

No.

“Stop.”

It wasn’t frantic, his command, it wasn’t a panicked cry. No, it was a strong order. An order the knight followed, looking to him and then to Joffrey whose head snapped in Tommen’s direction in such a violent jerk one may have feared his neck to snap in two.

“What did you say, baby brother? Did you have something to add? More to her punishment, mayhaps? As surely there would be nothing else worth intercepting your King’s orders.”

“You have power. You’re the prince.”

“I won’t allow her to be mutilated, your grace. It is not appropriate to abuse our uncle’s wife in such a way, nor is it appropriate to heinously scar a woman from a noble house that is over eight thousand years old and has thousands of loyal followers who I strongly doubt would care to see their lady shredded as you would have her simply for your own entertainment. Many, many more loyal followers, I must point out, than the crown has at this point in time, your grace. Surely you know that, and I only need remind you because you have been much too busy protecting the realm that such things have slipped your mind.”

There was a remarkable silence then, everything and everyone frozen in time, before Joffrey’s face began to screw up and redden after he processed his words. At his reaction, Tommen quickly and firmly ordered the two Lannister guards to escort Sansa out of the court’s witness and away from the king and his knights.

that my love keeps writing

It was almost humorous the way Joffrey gaped after her as she was taken safely away by his grandfather’s knights after she had given her soft and formal words of thanks. He almost looked like a fish with the way he gaped, a red and fuming fish. Tommen might have laughed if he hadn’t been struck breathless with his shock towards the words that had slipped from his own lips, might have laughed had he not been paling with the illness that slowly crept upon him in apprehension of the consequences that his outburst would bring both him and Sansa, especially Sansa.

“You can’t-”

“He did.”

Tommen’s eyes had slid to Tywin before his head had as his grandfather promptly silenced Joffrey’s seething fit before it had started.

“I am quite sure he just displayed more power than you have during your ruling in its entirety, and as king, as you so fondly proclaim yourself often, you did nothing to stop it.” Tywin held up his hand at Joffrey’s spluttering as he desperately tried to push out whatever furious nonsense of a retort he had come up with. “The prince is correct, and I’d advise you to be grateful for his counsel. We’ve enough tension with the North as is. The crown can do without whatever further issues you may have caused should the prince not have educated you in simple politics.”

again and again

The slight dip of his grandfather’s head after locking eyes with Tommen in an approving nod melted every foreboding feeling in his body away, replacing them all with a fierce, triumphant pride.

He had won.

Mayhaps a small victory, but he had won all the same. No, not small at all. He had saved Sansa, and that was worth more than every victory in the world.

“I would say I can’t believe it, but it would make me a liar. I’ve always believed you could,” Sansa had told him sweetly when he had seen her again after the scene with Joffrey. She took his face between her warm hands to kiss both of his cheeks. “Thank you, Tommen. You didn’t have to. I know he will seek revenge. I don’t want you to get hurt for my sake.”

When she placed a final soft kiss to his forehead his eyes fell to the floor, feeling almost as if he was unworthy to look at her, unworthy of her praise and her soft lips upon his skin.

this is a song

“I don’t care about that,” he said dismissively after being still for several moments to regain composure after her dizzying gestures of affection. He took her hands from his face, holding them between his own as he searched her eyes with concern. “You can’t expect me to just sit and watch as you’re permanently disfigured in front of the court, Sansa! Are you alright? Aren’t you shaken? Has anyone attempted to confront you about this?”

His friend gave him a small, sad smile before averting her eyes and pulling her hands away to clasp them together in front of her. “I’m already disfigured, Tommen. He’s already made me ugly with scars. It doesn’t matter anymore anyway. I’m.. married.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, no! I’m sorry. Believe me, you’re-” He cut off for a moment as he lost his wording, almost as if he was realizing all over again just how striking her beauty was. He sighed, feeling a fool for nearly implying her homely. He drew her into a tight hug before giving her a kiss of his own, pressing his lips to the side of her head against the hair just above her ear. Once his lips were upon her he unfortunately found himself not wanting to remove them, his reluctance to do so only growing as he breathed in the sweet scent of her. He forced himself to pull away after resting his cheek against the spot for a moment, meeting her eyes in order to prove his words genuine before speaking them.

for a scribbled out name

“You’re stunning, Sansa. No scar will ever change that. Half of your face could be sliced off, you could lose an eye, and you’d still be the most gorgeous girl in the Seven Kingdoms.”

She gave him scolding scowl, but nonetheless a blush lightly colored her pale cheeks while her lips fought at a smile. “Don’t try to flatter me with nonsense, Tommen. You exaggerate too much for me to believe you.”

“Really? I believe what I said was an understatement. I could go on, you see, with how you’re the most exquisite, incomparable, enchanting, bewitching-”

She shushed him loudly and attempted to give him a warning look before her laughter ruined any bit of threatening she had tried to communicate through her face, interrupting his theatrical show of showering her with adulation.

“Stop it, Tommen. It’s enough now,” she told him firmly, shaking her head with amusement still playing on her features.

“I simply cannot help myself, my lady,” he said in a low, dramatic voice as he inclined his head towards her respectfully. “For it is my duty-”

“-to shut up and come over to finish our game.” Sansa rolled her eyes and walked over to sit against the many pillows on the ground. “You’re distracting me to avoid it because you know I will beat you. Just as I always do.”

Tommen gasped and feigned offense, holding a hand to his chest. “Lady Sansa, you would imply me a coward?”

“Hmm.. would I do that? Can’t imagine how I could ever do such a thing to my brave and gallant prince.”

“I can’t either.” He shook his head, looking upwards as though he were searching for the answer himself before smirking at her, quirking a mocking eyebrow. “Especially seeing as you were just blushing at me like a lovestruck maiden.”

that my love keeps writing

Sansa gave him a dull look, raising an eyebrow back. “And how many times have I made you blush, Tommen?”

Ah, fair enough.

Joffrey was as unbearable as Tommen had expected him to be at his wedding, and it seemed he had been among the only few who had not underestimated just how obnoxiously abhorrent his brother would be. Of course Joffrey would be especially detestable on his wedding day. He would not miss the opportunity to perform in front of such a large audience.

Even Queen Margaery was unable to hide her disgust whenever her new husband wasn’t looking, whenever she felt as though no one was looking, but Tommen had caught her authentic feelings. She had fooled many into believing she truly saw nothing horrid in Joffrey and held no contempt for the king. Tommen could see through it, but she had been more convincing than Sansa, and he could at least credit her for those of whom she had fooled. He pitied her, but he still thanked the Seven for the fact she had taken Sansa’s place and would suffer Joffrey’s sadistic games instead.

again and again

The corner of Tommen’s mouth lifted ever so slightly in accepted disdain when Sansa displayed the smallest amount of defiance as she helped Tyrion retrieve the cup Joffrey had hilariously dropped intentionally. Her face was blank, but there was a cool edge to it that hadn’t been there previously, an edge of strength as the wolf in her began to show itself in glimpses.

Ah, his frozen ice princess, growing more fearless than both him and her former betrothed every day. To outdo a lion’s courage in his own den.. Well, he supposed he should feel ashamed.

He didn’t.

i’ll dance myself up

Though still nervous for her, he felt only admiration for his dearest friend, proud she was his own.

Tommen knew in the exact moment Joffrey began choking that everything was to fall to pieces. He knew not how or in how many ways, but he felt it. He felt the sense of a beginning to a spiral. Whether the spiral was to be his own or another’s, mayhaps the entire kingdom’s, he knew not. He knew only that it had started, and that the world around him began to spin in it.

He soon found himself staring passed his mother, stoic and expressionless as she demanded his knowledge of Sansa, assuming he knew where she had went and who had helped her.

drunk myself down

“Don’t think I don’t know of your little playdates with the murderous little whore. I know, and I have known, and I also know that you’re a fool for trusting the traitorous bitch. Did you not think she was only playing with you to have an advantage? A chance at plotting your brother’s murder? My son.. My son that she has stolen from me, and you helped her, you stupid little boy.” She paused her rant to look upon him with a slight shake of her head, appearing as if she didn’t know exactly who he was, her expression full of disgust and betrayal before she resumed her hissed and insulting words. “You protected her. You protected your brother’s murderer.”

He met her eyes with his blank ones, unsure of how to handle his emotions towards her words, the loathing in her face. It was then he was confident his mother would have traded Joffrey’s death for his own for any price in the world, and gladly would she have paid that price.

The greens in her eyes were glassy with tears, reflective. Fury seized the emotion in her face and she grabbed the tops of his arms, jerking him close to her face as she dug her nails into his flesh through the fabric of the clothing that covered it.

“You will tell me where she is,” she spat viciously, her eyes flashing and rattling as they searched his with madness. “You will tell me where she has gone now, or I-”

“You’ll lock me in a cell like my uncle?” His words were soft, and he was shocked his voice did not crack, for surely he should be crying by then. “You’ll accuse me without proof as well? Demand my head? Will you have Sansa look upon mine as well?”

His mother stared at him in disbelief. Her shoulders had gone stiff and she didn’t move or respond for several moments. He cut her off when he saw her mouth open to finally offer him a retort.

“I don’t know where she is, mother. That I swear by the Seven.” He pried himself from her grasp, her claws, as he stepped away to turn and leave her to have her fit alone. He looked at her once more before walking away, attempting to find the love for him in her face that he had known since he was old enough to know anything at all.

“But I pray with everything I have that wherever she has gone she is as far away from you as she possibly could be, for Sansa is worth a thousand Lannister, bastard kings.”

found people to love

It was cold, cold without her. Odd seeing as she was the closest thing to ice in his life. Then again, winter was coming, was it not?

Sansa was gone, and he now held the weight of the Seven Kingdoms on his shoulders without her, his lion’s courage.

His mother still fiercely believed it was Tyrion and his wife who had killed Joffrey and had an absurd amount of money as reward for Sansa’s capture. Cersei had barely spoken to him since he had made it clear to her in a notably offensive manner that he was both aware of and confident in the rumors of his true parentage, but for that he was glad. He had no desire to speak to his mother, as he believed her incredibly foolish to believe soft spoken, obedient Sansa Stark would murder the king as though she was the Kingslayer, as though she was his father. She had every right to kill his brother, and if she had Tommen would have given her his pardon, but he had never been more sure of anything than he was of his best friend’s inability to plot a young man’s murder. Not his wolf, not when he had felt how gentle her touch was. His chest ached as he reconfirmed her absence again and again in his mind, the ache worsening the more his reality sunk in.

left people to drown

Yet another good thing forced from his life at the blood stained hands of his mother.

He would have protected her. He would have. He didn’t care how impossible it may seem with Cersei’s unmatchable appetite for revenge. Somehow he would have found a way to keep her from blame, would have been the type of ruler she had first expected his brother to be. Tommen was king, and where Joffrey had failed to wield such a power he would succeed. He would have, at least, but Sansa was gone.

And with her absence his spiral began.

i’m not scared to jump

As each day he was called king dragged by he felt more and more abandoned. Not by his friend, no, he knew for certain she would have never abandoned him. She had been forced to flee from his mother’s false accusations. No, his desire to be more was abandoning him, his desire to be better.

Margaery was sweet and utterly beautifully, he couldn’t deny his natural desires for her in his developments into a young man, but she was not his friend. Despite her kindness, and he was sure she was kind despite her ambitions and inauthentic charm, she was not, would never be, lady Sansa.

Margaery did not see him as her equal.

People assumed him stupid, he was becoming all too aware of that once more, but he was not unaware of the fact that Margaery sought to manipulate everyone around her. She attempted to manipulate him as well, and she succeeded in several ways even with him recognizing her intent. His bride was a talented one. She was also an aid to his ruin, his return to that small, meek version of himself that he had worked very hard to discard. She thought of him as a child, spoke to him as a child, looked at him as a child, and he was quite sure she spoke of him as a child to those closest to her. Everyone did, but he felt himself doomed to such an impression forever when he realized that his female companion for life, his wife, would always see him as a little boy despite the fact of who he was meant to be to her, how he was meant to be seen by her.

It was such a stark difference from his former female companion, and the lack of Sansa’s traits screamed at him.

Those screams were especially loud when he began speaking on the matters regarding the small folk and the commotions that more and more had been beginning to cause only to be cut off and spoken over by Margaery who immediately silenced her king with her own thoughts in that sugary, honey coated tone, patronizing and convincing. He doubted it was an intentional slight, and he wasn’t angry with her, just as he couldn’t blame her. He had simply frowned, looked towards the ground across the hall, and allowed her to speak. He may not have felt the fury Joffrey would have, or any king really, but he certainly hadn’t felt anything positive.

i’m not scared to fall

He shouldn’t have allowed such a small moment to affect him so, but he was weak and his hold on his confidence was fragile. So easily he found himself shrinking back into the cub he was apparently destined to always be.

“Treat him as a boy and he will act a boy, foolish woman.”

Tywin’s previous words to his mother ran through his mind as he fell back into his pliant role, quietly mourning the fleeting moments of respect he had experienced his grandfather gift him. He would not earn it again, that he was sure. His grandfather had warned him of such a fate that day he had trained so impressively with Sansa a part of the audience, Sansa being who he had looked towards when he had finished so successfully. Tywin had warned him, and he had been correct, not that Tommen had expected less of him. Tywin Lannister was always correct.

“Careful as you tread these waters, Tommen. For what is your greatest strength is as well your greatest weakness.”

Despite his various losses and new overwhelming responsibility, Tommen still did his best to make the most of it. He let Margaery entrance him, allowed her to take lead in his life. He wanted to love her, needed to love her if he wished to find any sort of contentment. It hadn’t been hard. Queen Margaery was a near perfect wife, impressive and lovely. Everyone loved her, of course he would be no exception. Perhaps he could make it up to Sansa through Margaery, seeing as he had no way to do so through Sansa herself any longer. He missed her more than anything, and she would always be his dearest and most sincere friend, his true princess, but he had to allow himself to accept his queen.

if there was no where to land

Yet still, still he had failed

He had attempted to muster what determination he had felt when confronted with Sansa’s safety when Margaery had been arrested by the Faith, when Margaery’s safety had been compromised. He tried, he did.

Tried, but still failed all the same. He had failed everyone, starting with Sansa.

i wouldn’t be scared

“The king is supposed to be the protector of the realm. If I can’t even protect my own wife or my own mother, what good am I?”

Nothing good, nothing good at all, certainly not a good king.

“I think you would make a wonderful king, Tommen.”

You were wrong, Sansa. Along with everyone else, I let you down. I didn’t mean to.

I’m sorry.

at all

Taking off his crown was the easiest thing Tommen had done since Joffrey’s death. Immediately he felt numb, relieved. He knew he was in shock, for he was unfeeling and there were no tears in his eyes. There ought to be tears, after everything, they deserved his tears. Just another thing he couldn’t give them, just another failure.

Everything he had left, everything he had tried so desperately to hang onto in every which way he could manage, his mother had taken from him too. What had he done to her to make her hate him so? All he had wanted was to be worth something to someone.

sometimes i wish for falling

He was worth something, he knew he was worth something to his mother. She saw him as her sweet, baby boy who would always dote on her and listen to her words, cry for her and grind himself down in an attempt to make her happy. Nothing made her happy, he had finally realized that, nothing but power. She had power over him, he was her property, and as that he meant something to her. He didn’t mean enough to her to not take every something of meaning in his own life away from him. Of course he didn’t. What was important to him only got in the way of his cares for what was important to her, and Cersei Lannister only liked her property to focus on her and her alone. She had kept him away from the Sept of Baelor so he wouldn’t die along with his wife as he was meant to. She had rid herself of several of her enemies as well as mended her faulty property back to the way that pleased her.

Two birds with one stone.

But he wouldn’t let her win. Not this time, no. He would take this victory from her, would take it with the slightest amount of peace that he had performed at least one small act of justice when it came to his queen, his people, his best friend. He would take it with the peace that would come with being free of her, being more than just her property.

This time, as his mother had taken so much from so many, he would finally take something from her.

wish for the release

He was still numb as he walked towards the window, calm as he lifted himself onto the ledge. It was a cowardly act, and Tommen was perfect at being a coward, wasn’t he? At least he knew he wouldn’t fail at something he was good at.

He didn’t jump, didn’t pause, didn’t look.

He closed his eyes and let himself fall forward.

As he fell, he thought of Sansa. He thought not of his shallow love for Margaery. He had loved her, but not as he did sansa. His best friend, the only one who had ever believed in him.

He felt safe falling into the dream of her, and he dearly hoped she would not hurt at the news of his departure. She never deserved even a moment of sadness

to give me some relief

His mind went back to that night where Sansa had won their game for around the fifth time in a row. The smirk on her face was just as Lannister worthy as ever, worthy enough to rival his uncle Jaime’s. He only laughed at her, shaking his head while he leaned back on his hands that held his weight behind him, content watching his friend with her growing cat curled in her lap. Felines certainly seemed to adore the wolf’s company, didn’t they? They had must in some way or another, seeing as she had been imprisoned in a lion’s den.

It was a wonder why so many only saw her as priceless goods to offer up to the highest bidder. She was so much more, so much more than an object to trade or a piece in the game, the stupid game that ruined everything good and pure and innocent.

He was glad Sansa wasn’t there, wasn’t there to be ashamed of him. She would be too sweet to reveal her disappointment in him, but he knew it would be there, how could it not?

“How can you be so unlike him..?”

The look of bewilderment on her face had come from nowhere to interrupt her careless laughter as she looked at him with such honest curiousness. She had taken his hand and covered it with hers to run her thumb over his fingers.

because falling is not the problem

“Your hands are clean, no stains of blood to be found. There are very few left with hands as clean as yours.”

So, so wrong, my sweet Sansa.

Her smile had been brilliant when she looked up to flash it to him before telling him that he truly was like the charming princes in the songs, the stories she used to believe in. She had brought his fingers to her lips and kissed them before thanking him, thanking him for restoring a small amount of her faith in her fantasies and her belief that there still had to be some good to find in the world.

when i’m falling i’m in peace

At least his luck had not failed him to place Sansa as witness to what proved her words false, to kill what faith he had restored. More peace was provided to him knowing that the person that mattered most did not see the child that, for her, he had acted he wasn’t.

He wanted her memory of him to remain fond. He wished for her to still believe him the best king that could ever grace the Seven Kingdoms, to believe him the strong prince she had always told him he was.

it’s only when i hit the ground

He hoped wherever she was she was safe, and he hoped, most likely in vain, that she still thought of him as her best friend.

He hoped she would one day realize how she made her house proud, just as she had made him proud.

He hoped she would one day look upon herself and feel proud, just as she had once made him look upon himself and feel proud.

Just once, only once, but it was once enough for Tommen to bury himself into the sweet memory of that once and finish his fall peacefully.

it causes all the grief

#tommen baratheon #sansa stark #tommen baratheon x sansa stark #ummm this is can be taken as a friendship fic as well as a shipping fic #also i can't believe i'm posting this before the two jonsa one shots i have been working on #lmao i am ridiculous #fanfiction #one-shot #songfic #headcanon #is this even a headcanon idfk i am not up to date w fanfic terms #tommen lannister #game of thrones #house lannister #house stark #tw suicide #wow this is so much longer than i had originally intended yike #my writing

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asrainstorm · 2 years ago

Text

The legend of the Goddess of Thunderstorms

Includes: insane!Raiden Ei x f!archon!reader (presumably romantic), fan-archon!Glasea-Labolas x reader (romantic), reader x Kunikuzushi (parental platonic)

Warnings: Genshin Impact AU; songfic, the reader is the Archon of the Oceans, the reader is prone to emotionality and therefore a little myopic, mentions of death, partial rape, angst, partial description of an aphrodisiac, forced imprisonment in captivity, violent insanity.

A/n: The work is based on the song [pyrokinesis - the legend of the goddess of thunderstorms]. Also here, the reality differs from the original plot of the game in that Ei and Makoto switched places – from the very beginning, it was Ei who was the Archon. I warn you once again that this is a job focused on dark and unhealthy relationships without a good ending. And yes, there is some merging here with the previous work about Sara, since in my mind it is one universe. Maybe I should open requests for it?.. English is still not my first language, btw.

I bet you'd marvel.

The legend is not simple, La Commedia Divina.

And then there's the question:

How did the Goddess of Thunderstorms fall unrequitedly in love with the Ocean?

—

Raiden was glorified by three things. The unparalleled power of the storm that lurked in the depths of her palms, the severity that twisted sinners like a wild storm, and the all-seeing eye of eternity, beyond the reach of mortal exertions and untouchable to divine hands. She was the crowned ruler of thunderstorms, tearing the world to shreds and calling the universe into her arms with a teeth-baring roar of thunder. She drew landscapes and outlines of creatures on the earth's massif, powerfully named them, and waited for them to live up to the name they were given. Innocence would fall, kingdoms would crumble, and lives would follow. Truly so. For Hell, yielding to desire and rushing in the chariot of time, is an act of a higher will.

The other Archons looked at her with a strangely readable mixture of pity and condemnation, or rather, those who remained after that very War and events that took her sister in a golden spectrum of radiance. Those who had not kept Makoto safe and had barely escaped themselves. They were pitiful now. The God of the freest winds very soon fled, falling into a sound sleep and leaving his people in a fortress that resembled a keyhole from above. The God of the indestructible mountains hobbled with the blood of his loved ones and wiped his mouth with the white sleeve of robes from dead body, retreating from his duties with blind faith in the autonomy of men. The wisest of saints the Goddess of unyielding nature perished, suffocated, leaving behind only a young fragile creature amidst sturdy roots and grieving sighs. Is it worth continuing? There was, however, among the seats empty of mournful thoughts at their table a special throne, untainted, hardly alienated from itself. Yours.

Stoically enduring the blows of the stone oxen and the ships cutting the smooth skin, the God of all the seas and oceans which preceded Osial, being his child, but could not compare with the stinging Goddess of justice Focalor, the Archon of Water by birthright. The faithful called you Vine. You didn’t appreciate these people, rather you simply did your job, coming out of the sea-foam with indifference and then dipping into it. Prayers and praises did not occupy you, ancient offerings only repulsed; you understood that these were just people holding on to their Deity, but you never asked them for it. A hundred years ago you should have died. But there was one who disagreed and took a fierce blow to his chest, scattering almost instantly in a sheaf of sparks. Yes... Him.

Raiden had often seen you together. In your heart, torn by a love tinged with standing blood, there lived an Archon called Glacea-Labolas, Hades, known for his irrepressible despotism, comparable to Decorabian. Much senseless bloodshed he brought, much knowledge of science, art, and revenge, but no one could fathom what his cruel gaze was so appealing to you. Glacea-Labolas loved you, too, in his own way: he scratched your back with his claws to the rough furrows, kept you close and smiled only in your presence, humming impossibly sweet words in your ear. The serpent tempter made you lose your breath, and at one collision of glances a pulse of insane force ran through your divine vessel, making your knees tremble and your stomach twist with exhaustion. Together you were happy. At the level of monsters with no sense of intelligent communication, of course, but Morax was the first to blink approvingly; Raiden couldn't understand that. She didn't like it. She knew how clever you were, how full of passion and ambition, how mind-bogglingly powerful. You were the Esther of your age, and she had no desire to give the Persian beauty to the mad animal Baal. She wanted you for herself. When you sit beside her, the air fills with sea salt. The wet, cold, salty water that all living matter once was. It's like a dragging watercolor, an oil painting of half dreams, and Raiden suffocates from this scent like the heroine of Heliogabal's Rose, bends, merges with it and swallows it, gulps it down, revels in it to the point of exhaustion. To a stupefying stupefaction. Her knees move apart like the legs of an easel, asking for art – she has read such a perverse formulation in a novel or heard it somewhere, but it makes no difference, as long as it suits very well. You are certainly art and the ocean that washes over her shins and thighs. You cause her ecstatic spasms, and her desire only increases. It's eerie to have you. Because she is stern and strong and gets what she craves, so she doesn't even hesitate when she takes your salt-soaked hand and leads away from the general celebration, quite sure of your positive reaction to the further words spoken.

“You can't grieve forever, can you? We are supreme beings, we are more powerful than anything in the world, so why are you cooling off in this doldrums, why are you stopping?”

“Because my beloved is dead”, you said with a furrowed brow, incomprehensibly. “Isn't that a natural reaction in relationship?”

“Then start a new relationship, Y/N.”

Silence falls between you. The numb niche of furious shock that drives you mad becomes frighteningly alien. Half-seriously, half wheezing, you barely smile. Half face.

“Is this a joke?”

“Not at all.”

“Then what is it? It hasn't been a century yet, it's just unseemly”, you try to brush aside what's going on, you're visibly frightened and agitated; the mere mention of Glacea-Labolas brings tears, viscous salt, under your blue-dust-covered eyelids.

“Start a new relationship with me.”

The silence between you became almost physically palpable: it rubbed into skin, got under fingernails, and quite clearly disrupted thoughts and feelings. It made it hard to breathe. From head to toe, you were suddenly filled with a crushing, paralyzing force that pinned you to the floor like nails to a blackboard; the rage that had methodically scraped away from the blurred walls of your being by grief, and it splashed in your eyes, and the ends of your hair shone with a clear, menacing blue glow. Such you were simply beautiful...

“How dare you? No one dares to interrupt my mourning, even the people who believe in me mourn this loss, and you, Narukami Shugoshin, think you are something more worthy? Something better than us? Do you have the nerve to mock us?” you clenched your fists until your knuckles turned white, turning away from her sharply. “I am so disappointed. Please don't visit my lands again.”

Your departure was either ignored or tactfully overlooked, but Focalor, your patron, could not refrain from giving a reproachful look. Raiden was unwilling to speculate whether or not she'd heard your conversation, but, to her amazement, the rejection she'd received didn't cause the wave of despair she'd expected. Surely you didn't mean it. You're sad. Yes. Should have thought about that. Taking chopsticks in her dainty fingers, Raiden pacifically set about her meal, unconcerned about anything – she made the decision to give you time, which she thought was incredibly gracious. You'll realize you were wrong. Naturally.

Anger, like the pain of loss, cannot last forever, and Ei thought herself more right than ever.

—

When her sister passed away, surely Raiden was shattered – don’t consider her insensitive. Though Makoto wasn’t Archon, her strength and courage would have been worth a lesson to many: she had fought bravely, holding the fort in Inazuma, while Ei had fought with her own kind. Upon her return, she was told that Makoto had been badly wounded in the heat of battle and soon stopped fighting at all.

Despair is a hard feeling. So, in order not to bend under it, Raiden made herself stand up, straighten her shoulders, and pretend that what had happened didn’t touch her as much as it actually did; left alone, she could afford to scream and cry, but the others couldn’t see them. So the indomitable Goddess of Thunderstorms pretended, until artfully woven from her own face and posture, the lie became the truth. You were the only one who unmasked her in that time.

“I'm sorry for your loss," you said quietly after one of the meetings. “I can't imagine how hard this must be for you...”

Raiden smiled harshly.

“This loss is... irreparable. But I must move on, for the good of my people and those who rely on me, to achieve absolute balance in Inazuma. After the recent incidents, people need strong support.”

“But there is no one to support you.”

That was true. Although people worshipped her and prayed tirelessly, full of reverence, there was no one else around Ei on whose shoulder she could rest without remorse. Yae Miko would tease and bring it up, though she would certainly help in a time of need, and Raiden made no friends among the Archons. That trust was too fleeting and, as time had shown, too risky.

“I don't need support," Ei finally concluded, a little twisted in her rugged soul. “Not anymore. Makoto was the one and only, and now I have to learn how to live without her.”

“All alone?”

“If I have to.”

Your eyes reflected a deep sadness, and, looking into them for a moment, the proud Goddess of Thunderstorms was afraid to swallow, turning her gaze back to the meadow. You, Ocean, were ambivalent in your moods: sometimes you raged like the most terrible disaster, mercilessly leveling the mountains and spitting out the brutally battered remains of ships, and then you became warm and calm, so motionless that one touch of you seemed to convey a sense of peace. Raiden didn't know what to expect if accepted your pity. Perhaps you would confine yourself to a brief caress, or maybe would plunge her into attention and then rob her of it a second later, not the least bit tormented by regret. But it would be pleasant, suppose, to feel lungs burning under the pressure of your hands, and heart beating hideously fast, wanting to get just one more look... You would fist her heart, not hard enough to kill, but enough to make her grasp the edges of your clothes with trembling hands, falling to her knees and begging, pleading, whimpering... You would...

“Don't you have more important things to do?” frightened by her own thoughts, Raiden asked, raising the electric ripple in her gaze to a maximum.

“Well, we're done with Celestia's business and figured out where Barbatos went. I think I'm free enough to feel sorry for you.”

Don't smile like you have no idea what you're doing.

“I hate pity.”

“But you deserve it, don't you? Not in a negative way, more as a relief,” you unobtrusively moved closer. “Tell me about it. As a perfect Archon, it's essential for you to be free of worry, to have nothing to cloud your thoughts, you know?”

It's a tricky move, that is what Baal knows. Yet, with a feigned nibble of her lips, she did as you said, opened her soul the very least; and then, when you met, she did it again and again, until there was nothing left that your ears didn’t know about. And your empathy, uninterrupted by a storm of recriminations, was truth healing. You just listened with a soft look, sometimes gently brushing her thick, luxurious hair, whose light sparks of incipient lightning ran through it as it split into strands. Together you once spent about half a century in the farthest room, enclosed behind a billion passageways and walls, just talking. Raiden anticipated that she would want something like this before, so she created a doll that looked exactly like herself. The Shogun obediently executed the protocols embedded in it while the softened Ei lounged at your attention.

“What would you want for your people?” she asked one day, running her fingers mechanically over the patterns on your clothes.

“Mm... That's a difficult question. You know how I feel about them. If they're in trouble, I'll help them, of course, but otherwise I don't care what they do. I mean... How can I explain it?.. I believe that people should not depend on the Archons. Yes, we make their lives easier and more colorful, but what will they be if they lose the will to do everything themselves? Think of the state Sumeru is in right now. Hades was there recently, he told me...”

“I didn't know you talked to him.”

So Raiden, who was already madly in love with you, found out that someone else had encroached on your heart and won without a loud declaration of war.

—

Rejected by the Sea her grief, her tears, and pain and will and love, her feelings loaded, pressed on her shoulders with an unbearable weight and caused a strong headache. The insatiable immensity of what might be revealed to her gaze demanded a way out of the painful trance she was in; she had neither the strength nor the desire to return to that sticky darkness. Something had happened to her will. Raiden didn't want to deprive herself of the dizzying pain of looking at your stirring silhouette, irresistible and distant – a decade left since your fight, and at any other point in her life, Ei wouldn’t have noticed it with just a blink or two, but now the days had a tendency to drag on like an eternity. Raiden didn't want you to stop visiting her thoughts, filling her completely, she didn't want to give up the pleasure of imagining the ways in which you could be shackled in countless rooms or underground caverns known only to her. She could forge chains that would coil around your legs and neck, taking energy, weakening you, or she could create a crystal dome under the ground of Tsurumi Island with enough water to keep you comfortable, but no one you could talk to. Just her, popping in now and then and beginning to associate with the emotion of happiness. Raiden thinks you'd look great under glass, like a butterfly. If your limbs were immobilized, if given only enough air and energy to sustain life minimally, you would forever be as artful as she keeps you in the shards of memory. Beautiful, ready to listen, malleable. Raiden would take care of your people, even make these people of the sea her own people, introduce them to Inazuma – is that not the highest expression of her favor? You should be grateful; of course, not that you are aware of all these thoughts, but Ei will expect at least a "thank you" in the future. In her arms, you will no longer have to grieve for the withered God of Death; you will always be happy. You will have to be happy to keep your relationship as beautiful as Raiden imagines it to be – she will work, too, no doubt, and your life will be like a fairy tale.

Gradually the Goddess of Thunderstorms, observing the Eternal Sakura, came up with the perfect kind of dungeon for you; the sketches are drawn in her crackled mind on their own, looking perfect. Baal was never a fool: no matter how much she wished otherwise, she knew that you would never love her after what she would do to you, and she would do it because it would be better for both of you. Would, would, would… Will. You just can't understand it. That's all right: Raiden herself loves and can imagine how she would feel if you left her so completely. Perhaps relieving you of your grief and despair is the greatest gift Ei is capable of. She sets to work immediately, looking far more obsessed with it than with order in Inazuma, and Shogun gladly replaces her; Yae Miko remains silent, but her judgment burns back even miles away from the temple. The Goddess of Thunderstorms has decided this: if she cannot have the Ocean, then let her at least have some of It at all costs, separating her resentment, hatred, and pain from herself.

Waiting out your moment of calm was not easy. You've been angry and raging a lot lately; Barbatos, your closest friend, kept sleeping somewhere you couldn't reach, and Nahida, no matter how hard she tried, couldn't replace Rukkhadevata in your heart. Morax stiffened before your eyes, becoming calmer and more distant, and the Tsaritsa disappeared altogether, declaring a new war – it hurt you so much that the storms did not pass for six months, killing many people. Raiden didn't blame you: your heart felt too much for anyone who was ever kind to you, and you were so happy when you joined the Archons that you loved them all instantly. Some more than others, some less, in fact, you valued them as family, though in Ei's opinion, not all deserved it.

When your storm subsided and you, exhausted, were left without Morax's attention – he felt obligated after the death of the Goddess of Salt – Raiden decided to take the first step.

“I was wrong," she admitted quietly, approaching you, so alone in the vastness of Underwater Realm, and sitting down beside you. “I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding, ha? You knew how I felt about it, and yet you desecrated Hades' memory in that way.”

“I apologize. My behavior was indeed inappropriate, and if I had the chance to go back, I never would have said those words.” Ei shifted her gaze from the shimmering mother-of-pearl belly of the whale floating overhead to your chin line, cheekbones, and insistently averted eyes; she was lying, but it was the only way to make you hear. “I'm sorry. Perhaps I really don't do well without Makoto.”

The sad smile on her face finished the image. Raiden hated herself for mentioning her sister's name for this case, but your face, instantly contorted with empathy, was worth it. She knew you wouldn't resist.

“Hey..." you whispered softly. “Has it really been all this time..?”

“Please. Just believe I'm sorry, Y/N. I know how much you loved Glacea-Labolas, and of course I should have given it time; nothing can justify my ignorance. However, I would be very grateful if you knew that my words... my offer is sincere. I do have feelings for you, and that will never change; this is the first time it has happened to me. You are the most amazing and attractive Archon I have ever known. Your power is awe-inspiring and your uniqueness is admirable. So if one day you should wish...”

She doesn’t have time to finish her truly touching tirade when you gently move up and pull her into your warm embrace. It's hard to call it unexpected, but Raiden is melting for a few moments, melting from the newly turned sun with your name on it.

“I'm sorry I can't reciprocate, Ei. Really, I'm very, very sorry. But I'll try to make it up to you in friendship, if that's okay..?”

Wouldn't expect anything else, so the Goddess of Thunderstorms smiles a little more sincerely and nods. You decided to take this step only after listening to a cheap confession from a novel read by Baal not so long ago. How trite and predictable, yet how good it is that everything went strictly according to plan. You took the bait.

Your relationship has certainly changed since then. Raiden couldn't help but wonder if this was how Hades felt in your presence, when you had surrounded him with your special attention and care. The attention was different, of course, but now you were also trying to be affectionate enough to heal the wounds of Makoto's death; Ei felt a little uncomfortable using that trauma as an excuse, but there was no other way. You were beginning to let your guard down.

If she had to describe her feelings, she would have said, "Something spicy and bloody." Meat, well coated with spices. She chews it thoroughly, swallowing as the graceful collar of her robes slides down and up in time with her gulps; Raiden was carnivorous, and the metaphorical eating of you brought her to some stage of rapture.

She couldn't wait to taste it.

The table is already set: she didn't need people or Yae Miko to organize everything, so of course she hoped you'd at least compliment her. There is nothing she won't do, after all; time with you promised to be wonderful to the highest degree.

The feeling that Ei carelessly called "love" wheezed suffocatingly in your chest, twisting tight knots around Gnosis, and making her look at your serene face with scorching hunger. You shouldn't have been so careless.

You are, after all, an Archon...

Long tubes with gold plugs were very carefully inserted into the veins in your arms; Archons had no blood, but there was liquid energy, in your case represented by brackish water. It was pumped into a cylindrical tank, huge, dense, thick glass, and mixed there with a purple liquid; for a moment, the thought flashed through you that perhaps it was Ei’s energy. There were others besides these tubes. Many. Some served as arm and leg restraints in a rather uncomfortable pose, others hung side by side, dangling limply in a light draught. Everything was floating before your eyes, but when Raiden appeared in the cave, you felt her electrified presence well.

“How do you feel?” she asked calmly, keeping her tone surprisingly soft, as if the situation were not extraordinary.

“What’s... going on?”

“Oh, you mustn't exert yourself too much. Your energy is just enough to keep you viable, but unfortunately, not to negotiate. Someday I'll fix that.”

Someday. A single word was enough to determine the duration of your situation – presumably: eternity. And there's no telling what will happen to you during that time.

“The other Archons," Ei continued, stepping closer and picking up another tube, slightly larger and longer than the others, "believe that you are dead. I've come up with a very plausible explanation, but I don't think you'll be interested in it; open your mouth.”

She pressed your cheeks a little bit, executing the command herself, and, to the protest of your slightly dilated eyes, she began to slowly and gently insert the tube into your throat. Unbearably disgusting.

“I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Believe me, it's only for now, I'll get it later and make you feel as comfortable as possible. Just be patient for a while," she murmured affectionately, "good girl, good. Thought you would start to resist and I’d have to resort to other methods.”

The sensation of an oblong tube in your throat, ending somewhere among organs, taking up absolutely all the space, made you want to scream. You’d have caused the most devastating storm, and it would have gone down in history, but unfortunately, Raiden – and there was no doubt about it now – had taken care of everything. You couldn't have created a drop if you'd had the strength to lift a finger.

“I understand your bewilderment. But look, you didn't want to be with me, so I thought, why not do it myself? No one will come looking for you, I'll take care of everything, and it's just your job to satisfy my gaze and desires when necessary. Quite a bargain, Morax would say, if he knew about it, but I promise he won't. Besides, I've decided to charge a small fee for taking care of your people; I hope you think it's fair.”

Baal smiled softly.

“It was hard to find this information, but Nahida, the wonderful child, was so eager to be useful that she didn't even wonder where my interest came from,” she stepped closer and slowly began to get rid of your layers of interfering clothing. “At least part of you will love me. But for that part to come into being, I have to do what Hades was so scared of. You know, he thought you were a saint. He feared that if he touched you too foully, you would crumble like a crystal vessel, a figure made of water by trembling weak hands – he said so himself, before he, ironically, met death in that battle. But I am different. I'm much better than he was, and you're bound to feel it.”

Well, in that moment you felt three things: the way the tube trembled, filled with purple energy flowing into you, the way fingers entered your vessel, several at once, without warning and too sharply. And an unexpected readiness to receive them. A moment ago you were filled with anger and disgust, but when the foreign energy flowed into your stomach, everything quickly turned upside down, generating a shameless desire so powerful it made you dizzy. You simultaneously hated Raiden, you hated yourself, you hated the situation you were in, and you longed to know more of the possibilities that Ei could fulfill by using your human vessel as she saw fit. Under the overwhelming pressure of cognitive dissonance, your pupils visibly broke, spraying tear-stained eyes, and your mind was cracking at the seams, not knowing which thought was right and which principles to adhere to. It was too much, even for an Archon.

You could hear Raiden breathing. Breaking, hot. You wanted more, and maybe Ei saw it in your hazy gaze. Her energy inside you was stronger than any potion, spreading through your body like a virus – it was eating into your cells, mixing, and you were slowly beginning to feel... like her? A few strands of your hair slowly turned a deep blue, and your left eye turned lilac. The voice of your thoughts became remotely similar to Ei's timbre, until you finally realized what she meant: she could only get a part of you by mixing you two up and growing as if from a test tube. She was making you half of her, because that was the only way to get around Celestia's laws.

“Can you feel it?” she asked, reaching down to your neck and biting it, deep, to the bright purple marks. “Do you understand me?”

You wanted to answer yes and no at the same time. Hate and love mingled together, conveying a madness to you.

It didn't take much effort for Raiden to get the sea foam. She was careful to mix it with her energy to get a drop of the cursed seed, and, dancing off, in hideous sin the Goddess of Thunderstorms impregnated herself, while you, rid of your tubes, lay limply beneath the earth of Seirai Island. Where no light shone, beneath the ruins of the catacombs, beneath the Thunderbird platform, beneath the water poisoned by lightnings, it was there that Raiden had erected a citadel of ice – a shelter from the world where her beloved woman and the wind-born child, born in captivity from a cursed womb and without a soul, were safely hidden. Ei believed that she would love this creature as much as she loved you. Really believed.

She built a cradle, inlaid with stones of elements, visited him when she visited you – it was inevitable, because you, lost and maddened, considered the only bastion of your peace as young Kunikuzushi, the beautiful child whom you adored despite all that you had gone through for his birth. Even in his cradle, he always felt your love, smiling at the first sight of you. He didn't feel Raiden's love at all.

What a pain: his parent, as much as she wanted to, couldn’t love her chimera and locked him in the ice.

Baal assumed that loving a child born of your energy would be as easy as loving you, but she failed to consider that, in fact, she never truly loved you. This became clear when feelings for an emotional child, crying from the simplest things and weak without his mother's touch, didn’t appear as soon as she expected. This was not in her plans, and therefore discouraging. Raiden seemed to have gotten everything she could from you, everything she wanted, and now, looking at your lost silhouette, she felt neither pity nor warmth. You no longer wandered through her thoughts. You no longer made her heart race. To her surprise, Ei was no longer sick of you, infecting you with herself like some kind of revenge. And, having come to this conclusion, it was with a sense of relief that the Goddess of Thunderstorms, frustrated in her experience, left Seirai Island with your Gnosis as compensation for "lost time and effort," cutting off Kunikuzushi's bedroom from yours with an impenetrable wall.

“Don't be angry, please. Don't be angry.”

“Argh, come on, Mom, I'm not angry. I'm furious as fuck!”

The precious child grew faster when Raiden stopped coming. Perhaps her energy, poisonous and effervescent, was inhibiting growing up, because Ei certainly never wanted a pet, but she was obsessed with growing the fruit of the Gods. Experimentation never interested her; what involved using you for her purposes and crossing you with her own ideas, though, she liked very much, and you were even glad that for the last hundred years Baal hadn't thought of you. Well, as happy as a completely broken Archon can be, lost it’s Heart and the lion's share of energy, a completely weakened God with a screwed-up mind. Besides, sometimes, in particularly violent storms, you could see a little with "Ei's eye," see what she was doing, what she was looking at, who was looking back. Lately it has been a tengu-girl with dead eyes – you would know that look from a thousand; you knew that only those who have lost their love look like that. Because you looked the same way.

You couldn't say that even with the energy of Baal you could call her "dear someone". No, don't think so. It was a betrayal, along with the thick tube in your throat, penetrating under the root of your tongue, running down your larynx, into your stomach, into your intestines. It grew like mold, and with each passing year it gradually crushed the effect of the alien cells. Besides, Ei didn't like you now, either.

And your weak voice, sounding no louder than a draught, filled Kunikuzushi with a keen sense of injustice. Unlike Raiden, you cared for him through the wall even better than circumstances allowed.

“When we get out..." he often swore, gritting his teeth. “When we get out, I'll give her hell on earth. I'll return you your Heart, become God myself, and… and I’ll be a thousand times better, promise – do you believe that?”

“Of course," you answered softly. “Of course I believe you.”

“Good. Because I’m going to change everything. We are to put her here, right in your place, and I’ll give you everything and you're going to get better. You'll be strong and powerful like you used to be. And happy, so-so happy!”

You know that's just a dream. There is no escape from the ice citadel, but your voice is filled with the unbreakable love that always saves Kunikuzushi from breaking his mind. You call yourself his first follower. After all, it's the least you can do for a desperate child who has never seen the light.

But you both know that love of all things divine is unnatural.

#raiden baal #raiden ei #kunikuzushi #scaramouche #wanderer #female reader #genshin archon #genshin impact #genshin headcanons #raiden ei x reader #ei x reader

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