#gale: jesus christ

[imasexypotato]

John: look Gale, I'm not slut shaming you but....

Gale, confused: ....??

John: Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you!

Gale: All I did was smile at a soldier

John, walking away: YOU WHORE

[mossy-rock-in-a-field]

Several weeks ago, my retirement-age mother requested that I play Baldur’s Gate 3 for her because she has trouble with controllers/keyboards and wanted “to see what all the fuss is about with that cute wizard boy.” For context, my mother and I have done this sort of thing in the past with certain RPGs (dragon age, mass effect, etc.), but it’s been a few years since she’s personally requested a game like this. Basically, I control her Tav but let her make all the choices so she can determine how the story plays out without worrying about mechanics. She treats it like a choose-your-own-adventure book.

Anyway, here is a list of some of the things my mother has said and/or chosen to do throughout the course of BG3 in no particular order:

She is (obviously) romancing Gale. She is quite smitten with him and his passion for books and learning; she also thinks he’s polite and qualifies as “relationship material.” She also REALLY likes the things he’s said about his cat so far (my mom is a cat lady), so I know she’s gonna flip shit when we meet Tara in Act III.

She’s playing a normal druid Tav with a generally good alignment. Her favorite spell is Spike Growth because she thinks it’s hilarious whenever enemies walk into the AOE and die. I usually end up having to cast it at least once per battle per her request. Sometimes twice.

Contrary to her alignment, my mother tasks me with robbing every single chest, crate, barrel, and burlap sack we come across; this also includes people and their pockets. The party is always at max carrying capacity. ALWAYS. She doesn’t like selling things because “what if I need them.” The camp stash is in literal shambles. There is no hope of organizing it. She’s got like fifty seven sets of rags and a billion pieces of random silverware.

She MUST talk to every animal and corpse in the game. I think five hours of her total playtime so far (47ish) has been spent speaking to animals as many times as humanly possible. Like, I was thorough in my own playthroughs, but this is on a whole other level.

She did NOT get Volo’s lobotomy, but she did let Auntie Ethel take her eye in hopes of a cure for the tadpole. I did not understand the logic then. I still do not understand it now.

She is far more interested in fashion than equipment stats. Do you have any idea how much gold I’ve had to spend on dyes just to make things match? SO much. Same vibe as that “please someone help me balance my finances my family is starving” tweet but instead of candles it’s thirty thousand fucking bottles of black and furnace red dye.

We broke the prisoners out of Moonrise, but they got on the boat too early and bugged the fight by leaving Astarion and Karlach behind. Wulbren Bongle somehow got stuck in combat mode even after engaging the cutscene on the docks below Last Light; he he kept trying to run ALL THE WAY BACK TO MOONRISE nine fucking meters at a time while I frantically tried to finish the fight with the Warden, otherwise Wulbren would have run straight into the shadow curse. (I would’ve let him go; fuck Wulbren Bongle, all my homies hate Wulbren Bongle. But my mom didn’t know that, and she wanted to keep him safe. So.)

She had me reload a save like eighteen times to save the giant eagles on top of Rosymorn Monastery. Wouldn’t even let me do non-lethal damage just to get past things. I think getting that warhammer for the dawnmaster puzzle took us like an hour and a half alone. (Yes, I know you can use any warhammer, but SHE didn’t.)

She’s started keeping an irl notebook to keep track of her quests between play sessions. She writes down ideas and strategies when she thinks of them during the week, then brings them to her next game session at my house. I think she wrote about three pages on possible approaches to the goblin fortress alone.

She insists that I pet Scratch and the owlbear cub before every single long rest, no exceptions. Sometimes I have to do it multiple times until she is absolutely sure that the animals know exactly how much she loves and cherishes them. She has also commissioned a crocheted owlbear plush from a friend of hers and is very excited.

I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff I’m forgetting, but those are some fun things I thought of. She’s enjoying the game and is telling all of her retired friends to get it and play it for themselves. She asked me “what is Discord” yesterday and I think my life flashed before my eyes.

anyway shout out to my mom for being neat

Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5

[idkaguyorsomething]

the only stories that ever pulled off the “chosen one girl rebelling against the government caught in a love triangle between a golden-hearted boy and a broody loner” trope were the hunger games and jesus christ superstar

[wrmhles]

the aftershave bit was crazy in general but it's so funny to imagine gale is just used to getting comments like this from random men like that's simply the context of his life that we're working with

[tiafrye]

I confess, when I left Waterdeep there was a part of me afraid that I might regret my decision. But I never have.

[optberries]

You find yourself in the presence of the renowned wizarding prodigy, Gale of Waterdeep -

i love him, your honor

[lemonmangosorbet]

I see fanart of a beautiful man with long brown hair and a beard on my timeline… who is it? is it Gale Dekarios, Alan Wake, or Jesus Christ? who knows…

[nerdallwritey]

Trying to think of Faerûnian equivalents to "JESUS CHRIST!" is so incredibly difficult and hilarious, in case anyone was wondering.

[blueskittlesart]

YOU ALSO DONT LIKE FLOWERBLIGHT GANON????

i played the entirety of botw with drifting joycons

[meyerlansky]

for the wip meme, could you share something from "under" or "spoiled"?🖤🖤

my two gale-has-psychosexual-issues-to-hash-out oneshots! i can ramble more about the actual stuff i'm trying to dig into with both/either of these if you would like more than snippets, but tl;dr spoiled began life as bucky getting—you guessed it—spoiled by curt and gale, because he deserves it and truly there is not enough of it, but it wants to be gale POV and i have some v. specific thoughts on gale's relationship with harder kink so he is getting his psychosexual issues all over what is supposed to be A FIC FOR BUCKY TO GET DOUBLESTUFFED, C'MON GALE, LIKE AN OREO:

Bucky melts, head dropping back on Curt’s shoulder, mouth dropped open on a groan that sounds like relief. “Please,” he says, or starts to, before Curt reaches forward and slides two fingers past Bucky’s teeth, garbling the back end of the word.

“Shush,” Curt murmurs, and Gale'd bristle on Bucky's behalf if it wasn't so fond and if Bucky didn't start sucking, moaning around Curt’s fingers, and God, Gale’s out of his depth.

He’s not sure he can do this, treat John like this, like he’s not a person. Can't even kiss him with Curt’s fingers in the way, but he likes it, judging by the sounds he's making.

he and curt are gonna knock heads in this one because gale has Some Ideas And Preconceptions that get externalized as kink-shaming and i'm having more fun than i probably should be shaking those up. violently.

then under is kind of a dctctc b-side; it's set after they all get together too but it's just curt and gale figuring out the D/s dynamic between themselves on the heels of gale getting his ideas of Manhood and Masculinity shaken up after seeing how much bucky likes getting fucked 😊 they're much less combative in under, and this is DEFINITELY part of cheekiverse so i think that means spoiled is Not, because it's not the same relationship for sure.

“Shoulda known you’d wanna pick it apart, big brain like you,” Curt says through a grin. If he means it as a crack like fellas tend to, it doesn't feel like it—it’s just affectionate, fond the same way Gale’s seen him get with John. So Gale relaxes a bit, flattens the end of his toothpick between his molars and cocks a brow, waiting. Curt sits back in his chair, gets a contemplative look on his face. “S’kinda hard to describe. Some guys' heads’ll get kinda fuzzy between the sheets sometimes.”

“And Bucky’s one of them?” Gale says, when Curt doesn't say anything else.

He gives Gale a different look then, a little out of place on his face for how serious it is. It’s not a look Gale’s ever seen on Curt outside the cockpit, and even then, never pointed at him. “Talk to Bucky if you want his specifics, this ain't a stitch ‘n bitch.”

a lot of what's in both of these especially wrt gale having trouble squaring "masculine ideal" with "bottoms" comes from some chats with @angelfruittree so credit there :P and this was a lot of jawing and not very long snippets but i swear i am TRYING to get a grip on gale in a way that i like it is just taking FOREVER because he's convinced he's right and he's NOT

[leofrith]

sorry but the way i'm still sick about this. 😵‍💫

[redjennies]

"why can [insert Baldur's Gate 3 companion here] kill their abuser but [insert other Baldur's Gate 3 companion here] can't?" well, you see, the thing about having all your major characters' personal arcs explore the same recurring theme is that you can tell different stories with different outcomes that all (potentially) lead to what healing and reclaiming their autonomy looks like to that specific individual and their specific circumstances without saying that one path to healing is the right way to deal with abuse and therefore superior to another.

[vampirtreffpunkt]

I'm so sane.......... I'm so normal 'bout this...... So so okay............

Parallels, symbolism, colors and all of other artistic techniques in this version of Jesus Christ Superstar are wild. They make me slightly mad. I wanna talk about them all the time

When he's cold and dead Will he let me be Does he love Does he love me too

(I think i need help)

[anteomnia]

normal people aren’t breathless when a man forces your hand to his heart to feel the fragment of violent power within him that would cause irreparable damage if he died

normal people don’t get heart palpitations when he holds your hand a little longer, almost reluctantly letting it go after you painfully feel the shard lodged in his chest

normal people aren’t like this at all

[song-of-baldy-ron]

At least once a week I’ll see fanart and have take a second and figure out whether it’s Gale Dekarios, Hozier, Nandor the Relentless, or Jesus Christ

[snowfolly]

I’m visiting my mom and she looks over and says ‘who are you drawing, Jesus Christ?’

Me, drawing Gale: Well, it’s Gale of Waterdeep and he’s a wizard

Mom, with a straight face: So, same.