#gah I want a relationship so bad! I want someone to love me! it's just that it's not! this!

[permanentreverie]

wanting a relationship 🤝 shutting down the situation at the barest hint of anyone liking me

[hehearse]

hello tumblr user hehearse. another ask BUT this time its NOT torturous song associations! i would just like to ask if you have specific thoughts on jinjae. because theyre SO fucking weird abt each other and they have me in a grip. i would like to know your thoughts on them ^^

GASP branching out aren't we? :D

i think they are incredibly fun. and horrible in their own way.

i love the fact that shj is NOT under yoojin's key word effect and he is Just Like That TM. bear with me for a sec. i was having yet another ted talk with dearest achro juuust recently about them, SO THERE ARE SOME HALF COHERENT THOUGHTS READY

i like how shj being the adult and not under the keyword effect gives some. agency in a way. so you know how yoohyun gets all the love despite him being the way he is. for the price of him moulding his entire being around yoojin? or more like HE decides THAT is the price and the only context for the love to be deserved and a fair trade so to speak. when he breaks the mould, he does not lose the privilege of being loved. he was chosen when he was that way to begin with. and anyway, yoojin gives so much leeway to yoohyun even in the frame of his views on good and bad - because love runs deep, and there are many things he'll let slide or let go, as long as yoohyun - and other kids - are happy.

but shj is an adult, not yoojin's kid. might sound obvious but. that gives him agency to fuck up his relationship with yoojin, and he actively chooses not to do it when he moves to the "partner" stage!! (because hyunje very clearly was feeling out the boundaries in the beginning, wasn't he? pushing and pushing and poking the rot until yoojin cracked. and what a surprise that was huh. huh, shj?? he stopped after that. the lines established (by him) and he was not. entirely happy about what he saw, even if incredibly intrigued)

additionally. there is something to say about the playful lines they draw. yoojin has his pride and wants to at least APPEAR strong even when he is struggling. and in places where yoohyun or yerim would fluster him with excessive care and worry, shj gives him enough space to pretend for a bit. even if they both know he's lying. he lies himself too, to save yoojin his pride, doesn't he? the "ah, it's just my whims" attitude? isn't it easier to accept the lavish gifts and such when it's not personal? might just use since he is clearly an eccentric rich s class, right? (that shoots them both in the foot with yoojin feeling insecure, like shj can drop him at any point in time, but that's different story)

plus! plus!! the thrill of biting back at someone so powerful. the excitement of toying with the guy everyone feels threatened by. ^^ (and of course the fun of peeling of perfect appearance and seeing this sung hyunje who doesn't eat bread crusts, likes fishing and being annoying and playing into jokes and is SO good at it he catches on instantly, just give him an opening. a secret persona. makes you feel special, doesn't it?)

while love for yoojin seems natural (oh yoojin. the most guy ever. gah.), sung hyunje too. makes adjustments to win points. like with him treating yerim seriously, him taking in account yoohyun's possessiveness when proposing giving only one of his eyes to blind yoojin (because you know. yoohyun would be unhappy if he didn't get a chance to give his eye to his hyung. and he is his hyung's number one. so shj can't not take it into account - he likes his place number two after all).

ANYWAY. i think yoojin needs an Adult TM who won't necessarily break apart without him. but who would still like to have him around and let yoojin bully him a bit as a treat. and sung hyunje needs someone who can not only tolerate his nasty personality up close, but would ALSO bite back without a fear of retribution. makes life more fun that way. i suppose you can say they both need someone who would entertain their bullying but not leave or get scared or break apart. ^^

[lotusarchon]

I've been thinking a lot about this but what about MK and a s/o who is a spider demon? Perhaps directly related to the Spider Queen? How would that work out and how would they even get together? IMSORRYITMIGHTBEDIFFICULTORIMPOSSIBLEBUTTHETHOUGHTHASNTLEFTMYHEADAAAAA

Okay, this didn't end up being more fic-ly like my other fics, forgive me Nonnie, but the moment I saw it I just went, "Hey, wait a minute, how would this work?" And now I'm here hahaha. This got a bit into the analysis side, so uhhhh, yeah sorry 😭😭 I just reallyyyy like doing these kinds of things gah

🤔 I'm not sure if a relationship with him would work immediately if he's aware you're a spider demon on first meeting. Not to say that isn't impossible―MK the Monkie Kid will love anything if it feeds him. I know, I fed him and he loves me (this is a joke for legal reasons). It's just that his paranoia/fear of spiders overshadows any logic or reason, so a first meeting is him fleeing for his life. If you have an appearance like the Spider Queen he's just running around shrieking while you stand there watching him. If it's not as spidery he might give you a chance. Might, who knows if he doesn't freak out and faint again.

Of course though, as always I think it really just depends on the situation. If in the instance you're not a villain and you genuinely wish to help, then as scared as MK will be, he is NOT going to hate you, not MK. Have you seen how he pleaded with Spider Queen coming to the finale of S2, warning her about LBD?? He's not some heartless prick much less judgemental―he knows if you really want to change and do good, you're someone to change. Yeah, he'll be a bit scared still especially if you have more spider traits, but I genuinely think he'll warm up to you bit by bit till, and if you spend enough time with him, he forgets you're a spider demon. You're a friend now.

Like I said, it really does genuinely depend on the scenarios. Don't anticipate love at first sight―not unless you find MK fainting and his pathetic wet cat energy attractive 😭.

I think it could work out though, with a relationship. MK's not some judgemental prick. I know a lot of people might think, "Oh, but he's afraid of spiders!" but that doesn't overshadow his kindness. He would genuinely fall in love with you regardless of what you looked like, so long as you have a good heart. Hell, I don't think you even need to be a good guy. If MK runs into you enough times and you show the single ounce of kindness, if not to him then to someone else, he really thinks you'll be capable of change. If you're lucky, he would even tell you that he doesn't find Spider Queen so bad if she'd just stop trying to make everyone spider zombies.

Bringing us to the other scenario: being directly related to the Spider Queen. Honestly I think that matters little to him at this point with the points I mentioned above. I think the one difference if he finds out you're directly, directly related to Spider Queen is to faint on the spot and consider how the fuck he's gonna get her to not kill him :<

These are just if he's aware from the beginning you're a spider demon. If per chance you wear a glamor and befriend him and he finds out you're really a spider demon, much less some relative to Spider Queen, I can imagine different scenarios going down:

1) Were you pretending to be his friend to hurt him for your family? If so, expect him to be heartbroken as fuck. It'll take a while for you to regain his trust but if you do mean it, he'll forgive you. Just don't do it again.

2) Accidental? Oh, okay. That's cool. Do you plan on eating him? No? Okay....so what are you doing standing all the way there?? Get back here, he needs to snuggle and he can't snuggle when your ass is all the way there. Huh? Yeah yeah, it's creepy but you're not so bad. It's cute. Just don't eat him. Please.

A relationship with him though isn't impossible. Regardless of the scenario, everything falls under 2 things;

1) Are you capable of showing empathy and kindness?

2) Do you truly feel the same way about him?

If the answer to both of these are yes, then yes, regardless if you're a spider demon, a relationship is possible. Looks really don't matter to someone like MK. Hell, not even your shitty personality.

The only problems you'd have with MK when a relationship works out with him is Spider Queen because I know damn well she's gonna terrorize MK so bad.

"I'm gonna make you swallow spiders in your sleep try any shit with me boy, see if I'm playing 👁️👁️."

"Y-yes Ma'am, I'm sorry Ma'am. Please don't kill me Ma'am."

Overprotective mother Spider Queen my beloved 🫶

Edit: A lot of people will argue; "MK's scared of spiders, why would he date one?"

1) Spiders. Not spider DEMONS who have sentience and can act, speak and think like a human being, and looks human-ish too. He can give them a chance.

2) MK's not some heartless bastard. To the finale of S2, he genuinely tries to plead with Spider Queen about LBD. If he didn't care, he wouldn't have bothered reasoning with her. Spider Queen might've had a change of heart a tad bit too late but you can see that MK's words really did have some affect on her for to willingly risk herself FOR the kid she's trying to kill. She could've damn well fled for her life and left MK there, and MK could've simply fled and not said shit. I really can't see MK being a judgemental ass, I really can't. It just wouldn't be in his character, especially if it's before the events of s4/5.

Notes: I love doing analysis of shit like this, it's super fun, but to certain koala-brains, please understand this isn't me thinking I know everything. This seriously is just my opinion + how I IMAGINE LMK MK would react and be towards an s/o who's a spider demon. My word isn't law, and I understand there are others who will think differently. This is just how I interpreted MK based on the countless times I've watched the show. If you believe MK would act differently, good for you.

[justmeinadaze]

I Miss The Misery (Steve X You)

"Just know that I'll make you hurt

(I miss the lies and the pain what you did to me)

When you tell me you'll make it worse

(I'd rather fight all night than watch the TV)

I hate that feeling inside

You tell me how hard you'll try

But when we're at our worst

I miss the misery."

A/N: From my previous post, I mentioned I've been feeling some type of way and every time I hear this song I think of mean Steve every time.

Warnings: Mean, Toxic Steve X Fem Slightly Toxic Y/N, SMUT of the rougher variety, public sex (bathroom, office), daddy kink (cause im me), smacking, choking, degrading (brat, whore), ANGST, some gas lighting from Stevie, he's definitely not a good guy, cheating (mentions of him cheating on her; reader cheats on bf), she talks about how his behavior excites her sexually but she's aware of how toxic that kind of thinking is. I think that's all.

Kind of inspired by an ex I had and the way he treated me. He bounced off of each other negatively and I remember telling my therapist that I thought the reason I kept going back to him was because "at least I feel something." I haven't seen him in 4 years so Yay for healthy relationships! :)

Doesn't mean we cant enjoy some toxic smut with Steve Harrington.

Word Count: 6317

“Hey, honey. Rough day?”, you coo at your boyfriend as he comes through the front door with a heavy elongated sigh. 

“Yeah. These assholes that bought our company are changing everything and it’s starting to piss me off.”, he grumbles while taking a seat at the dinner table as you crawl into his lap and kiss his temple. 

“You should say something. Tell your boss you’re sick of the changes and the disrespect. They need you and your team, baby.”

“Naw.”, he gently smiles as he hugs you tighter. “It’s fine. I’ll get over it.”

Smothering your own frustrated sigh, you grin as you kiss his lips before heading back to the kitchen to finish the meal you were making. You never understood your boyfriend’s passive aggression when it came to most things. Any time anything bothered him, he’d vent and stomp his feet but in the end, he did nothing. 

You had never dated a man like him before. Most of your past boyfriends were toxic to say the least but what they didn’t know was you were always trying to recreate a feeling someone from your past gave you. The feeling of being desperately needed to the point that they would break down a door to be with you. That passion that followed jealously or a fight that they most likely started but you definitely instigated. That feeling of being…alive. When you couldn’t find it in anyone else, you decided it was best to move on to something healthier. 

Jacob was a good person who doted on you hand and foot. If you had a bad day, he would hold you and if you just needed someone to talk to he was more than accommodating. When you two fought, if you could call it that, you could scream and be mean and all he would do is sigh and say things like “I understand why you would feel that way. I’ll try and be better.” When you two were intimate, he was incredibly vanilla, only ever being sexual in bed and usually missionary. The few times you tried to explain what you wanted, he never seemed to understand. 

“You want me to hurt you??”

“No…not exactly. I just want you to be…rougher. SHOW me how much you love me. MAKE me feel it.”

“You don’t think I show you enough how much I care about you?”

“No! I mean yes…I mean…Gah! Never mind.”

 “What’s, uh, what’s the name of the company that bought yours again?”, you ask as you grab a beer bottle from the fridge and pop it open. 

“Actually, babe, I was going to tell you. I did some research on them and it seems they originated in your hometown Hawkins. It’s a company called Harrington & Co.” The sound of glass shattering causes Jacob to jump up and immediately run to the kitchen where he finds you wide eyed with beer now swimming around your feet. “Oh my god. Are you okay?! Don’t move, you don’t have shoes. Let me clean this for you.”

“Harrington? Like Bill Harrington?”

“Yeah! I was going to ask if you knew them.”, he continues as he kneels down and begins to clean broken glass before wiping at the liquid. “Supposedly, from what I read, Bill Harrington retired and left it to his son Steven. Did you know him? He’s about your age.”

“Where the fuck have you been?!”

“What do you care, sire?! I’m not your fucking girlfriend remember?”

“That doesn’t stop you from coming to my house at fucking 2 am begging to ride my dick!”

Your hand flew across his face, his angry eyes glaring into yours when his head reels back. As you swing your arm to hit him again, his large palm catches your wrist and roughly pulls you to his chest.

“Let me go.”, you growl.

Leaning forward, his lips hover just above your own, feeling the slight wind of your heavy exhales that come from your nose.

“Make me.”

“No, I didn’t know him.”

#############

Sighing, you take shaky, anxious steps towards your boyfriend’s office building. When Jacob called saying he forgot his lunch, you debated on telling him you were busy with work stuff of your own before finally deciding to bring him his food. 

He owns the building. It’s not like he’s going to actually be in it 24/7. Plus, if he was he would definitely be on a different floor.

“Hey sweetie. Oh! Thank you so much.”, he grins as he kisses your cheek. “Do you want to sit with me while I eat? We can share or I can buy you something.”

“Yeah, sure. I’m not hungry but I can sit with you.”

Holding your hand, he walked with you to the building cafeteria and like any good girlfriend, you sat next to him listening to him tell you about the long trials and tribulations of his day. You smiled, nodding where you were supposed to and frowning at things he seemed annoyed with. After thirty minutes of his hour lunch, you desperately needed a break. 

“I’m going to go get a drink. I’ll be right back.”

Jacob smiled as you tilted down to kiss him before turning to head towards the area with drinks and food. As you stood there staring into the void of soda options, a strong cologne smell hit your nose that had you dizzy as your eyes fluttered closed. You’d know that smell anywhere, inhaling it so many times in the past. 

Steve smiles as he watches you walk around his room in one of his polos that hangs down your body like a nightgown, just barely covering the love bites and bruises from his fingers that were starting to form on your thighs. Lifting an expensive looking glass bottle to your nose, you grin to yourself as you inhale and put it back down. 

“I love the way that stuff smells.”

“Yeah. My dad says it’s a good smell for ‘classy men’.”, he chuckles.

“Hm. I guess he doesn’t know you very well.”

“Fuck you. I’m classy.”, Steve teases as his grin grows, yanking your arm so you fall on top of him as he folds his hands together behind your lower back. “Classy enough to land a pretty girl like you.”

“Y/N?” 

As you turn your head, your eyes lock with his slightly stunned honey-colored irises as they scan you up and down. You begin to feel slightly self-conscious in your leggings and regular t-shirt compared to his slick black suit and well styled hair.

“Holy shit. What…What are you doing here? Do you work here?”, Steve asks.

“Uh, no. My, uh, my boyfriend actually does.” You turn and point to where he was nonchalantly eating, not even looking in your direction. “What are you doing here?”

“My dad followed through and gave me his company. We finally expanded out of Hawkins so I bought this place.”

“Yeah, I heard. Congratulations.” His eyes continue to rake over you making you more and more anxious the longer you stood there. “Well, I better get back before his hour ends.”

A shiver ran up your spine as his hand reached out to grab your arm. 

“Wait. I’d like to talk to you some more and catch up. Do you want to meet me for dinner? I’m free tonight if you are.”

“Steve… I’m with someone. I can’t have dinner or anything else with an ex or whatever the fuck we were. I’m happy now.”

The smirk that painted his beautiful lips startled you as you stood up straighter.

“Oh your happy, huh? You should tell that to your face. That guy’s your boyfriend? Guy barely seems like he can get it up let alone satisfy a woman like you.”

“Define woman like me?”, you inquire sarcastically. 

“A strong, gorgeous woman who liked to be fucked hard and put in her place.” Steve’s eyes remain on you as your own widen as you look around hoping now one was close enough to hear his not-so-subtle tone. “Tell me, honey, does he know you called me Daddy? I imagine not because if you were my girl and I found out you ever called someone else that you wouldn’t be able to sit down for weeks.”

“Thank God, I’m not your fucking girl.”, you snarled. “You were never man enough to make that commitment.”

As you both stared daggers into each other’s eyes a sudden hand on your shoulder brings you back. 

“Baby, everything ok?”, your boyfriend asks way too calmly. 

“Yeah, Jacob, I’m fine. I was just introducing myself to the owner of your company.”

Steve’s eyes immediately softened as you watched him play the role he always played extremely well; charming and popular.

“Steve Harrington. Nice to meet you, Jacob. Y/N and I go way back.”

“Oh. I thought you said you didn’t know him, sweetie.”

Your ex’s eyes narrow in your direction in faux shock making you sigh in annoyance. 

“I didn’t know him. I knew OF him. Everyone knew who Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington was. Unfortunately, I wasn’t popular enough to penetrate his circle.”

“Hm, but I was to penetrate yours.”, he sassed with an arrogant confidence that just made you angry. 

“Nice seeing you again, Harrington. Come on, baby.”

Steve watches you both walk away with a determined gaze that you can feel burning into your back as you headed towards your table.

“He seems nice. What was he like in school? Do you remember?”

“You didn’t call me like you said you would.”

“I was busy, Y/N.”, he answers nonchalantly, not even meeting your eyes as he continues putting things in his locker. “I figured when you didn’t hear from me, you’d just fuck the next guy.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, seriously?! Steve, for some fucking reason I like you. I only want to be with you but it kills me when you don’t follow through with your promises. You say you’ll call and you don’t. You say we’ll go on an official date finally and then last minute you change plans but still call me to come over late at night so you can fuck me. It’s push and pull with you. You act like you want me but then you don’t. I can’t… I can’t keep waiting for you.”

Slamming his locker closed, he finally turns to face you with a look that said he really didn’t care. 

“Then don’t.”

“Yeah…I remember him. Steve Harrington was a complete asshole.”

##############

You managed to steer clear of Steve and anything having to do with him for a few months after your encounter with him until you couldn’t anymore.

“Baby, it’s an office party. Come on, we have to go.”

“Then go, Jacob, but I’d rather just stay here.”

“Y/N, you’re my girlfriend and this is important to me. Everyone I know will be there including clients. I want them to meet the woman I love.”

You can’t help but sigh at his statement from your place in the closet. You cared about your boyfriend, you genuinely did but love? That was big word with a big meaning. 

“FUCK YOU!”, you shout as you run out into the hallway and yank your arm away from Steve as he tries to stop you while buckling up his pants. “I’m so stupid. DON’T fucking touch me.”

Growling, he pushed you into another empty room and closed the door behind him as he continued to put his clothes back on. 

“Lower your fucking voice—”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want the entire party to know what an asshole you really are!” His hand tries to block your mouth but you angrily swat him away causing him to back up and hold his hands up defensively. “You TOLD ME that we could make this serious. That we would finally have a REAL relationship and then I find you here fucking Lori! Are you kidding me?”

“Y/N, I—”

“I told you I loved you, Steve. I’ve never said that to anyone!” Tears started to fall down your face as you hugged your arms around your body. “You’re never going to claim me, are you? You’re never going to call me your girlfriend. I was just another fuck buddy, wasn’t I?”

When he doesn’t respond, you shove his chest hard. 

“ANSWER ME!”

“YES! YES, OKAY?! Excuse me for not wanting to fucking hurt you. You knew what this was, honey. Its…It’s not my fault…you caught feelings.”

That night you ran. You told your parents you loved them, packed a small bag, and left Hawkins to Indianapolis swearing to yourself that this would never happen again. Ever since that night, you had been so numb to most emotions but especially ones that included romance. 

“Ok. Let me get ready and I’ll meet you downstairs. 

***

If you ran into Steve Harrington again, this time you would be ready. Wearing your shortest black dress and highest black heels, you strutted into Jacob’s office party with a demeanor that had everyone turning their heads. 

With a gigantic grin on his face, your boyfriend introduced you to people and showed you off the way you deserved. 

I should be enjoying this. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be normal!?

“Hey, baby, I’m going to run to the restroom.” 

After giving him a sweet kiss, you powerwalk to the girl’s bathroom and lean over the sink as you stare at yourself in the mirror. 

What’s wrong with me?

The door abruptly opens making you jump as you quickly pretend to be washing hands until a familiar aroma grabs your attention. 

“Steve! What the fuck are you doing?! This is the girl’s bathroom!”

“Pfft like that ever stopped me before.” His eyes hungrily drank you in as you did the same. In high school he always dressed well but it was rare you saw him in suits. Now you imagined he wore them all the time and they accentuated his body in a way that had your mouth watering. 

“I was watching you around the party with your boyfriend. You seem…sad.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Hm. Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?”

“Fuck off, Harrington. Alright? I left you and Hawkins for a reason. Just give me some peace.”

“Yeah, you did leave. You didn’t even say goodbye.”, he replied with an undertone of anger you couldn’t quite fathom. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. When should I have done that? While you were fucking the school slut or after you told me you didn’t love me.”

“I didn’t say that. I never said I didn’t love you.”

“PLEASE! You said I should have known what our relationship was and it wasn’t your fault I caught feelings for you! What was I supposed to take from that?!”

“Do you think my dad would have let us be together?! A rich Harrington with a poor Y/L/N? This isn’t a fairy tale, Y/N!”

“Of course! Steve Harrington, always looking out for himself!”

“What did you want me to do?!”

“I WANTED YOU TO FIGHT FOR ME!”

The bathroom door swings open again and you quickly grab his arm, shoving him into an empty stall as a group of girls gather at the sinks. As you listen to them talk, your head hangs as your brain swims in memories of the past. 

You never cared that he was a Harrington or that he had a ton of money attached to his name. Even though you two had a lot of bad moments, to you, the good always outweighed them. Steve always knew how to make you laugh and smile (when he showed up). He would come over on Friday nights with a movie and some food (because he didn’t want to risk you both being seen). At night when he would sneak through your window (at 1am), you would lay on his chest and talk about everything you both could think of (after he fucked you like a whore). 

Fingers gently lifted your chin, tilting your head so your eyes could meet his. As a tear fell down your cheek, he tenderly wiped it away with his thumb before cupping your face with his hands. You closed your eyes as his lips kissed your forehead, slowly trailing them down to your nose, and hovering just above your own.

Closing the distance, you pulled his mouth to yours as your palms slid down his back, trying to bring him closer to your body. 

You never forgot the taste of his kisses but you were grateful for the reminder. 

After forcing open your legs with his knee, your dress hiked up a bit allowing him easier access to your panty covered core as his hand effortlessly pressed the silky materiel against your clit. Biting your lip to stifle the moan, you felt him smile as his mouth latched on to your neck. Your eyes rolled as his tongue licked your skin and his fingers moved your underwear out of the way so he could guide two of them into your entrance.

Steve’s elbow locked in place as your knees started to buckle, holding you against the tile wall as you clung to his shoulders. It took every ounce of energy you had to remain quiet as his digits curled inside of you. The girls outside of the stall continued to gossip, completely unaware that the owner of their company was about to make their coworker’s girlfriend come undone.

Leaning back to look at you, the tip of his nose lightly grazed yours as your mouth fell open in a silent moan. Nodding his head, his beautiful eyes were begging you for something he needed you to say. Something he hadn’t heard since you left and you hadn’t said to anyone but him. 

“Please…Daddy.”, you mouthed and without hesitation he gripped the back of your neck, pulling your head to his shoulder as he pumped his fingers faster into your cunt.

The bathroom door banged shut as the women left and a loud moan you had been holding on to echoed through the room as you reached down to grip his wrist, trembling against him as you came. Yanking you back, he crashed his lips to yours as your tongues mingled together. 

“Please…please…”, you whimper as you push at his hand.

“It’s been a while, huh? Since you’ve had something big inside of you.”, he teased, grinning when your breathily laughed. “God, I missed you so much. I thought about you every day for the past five years. I love you, honey.” 

Something in your look gave him pause as he scanned your face. 

“What?” Pushing him backwards, you threw open the door to the stall while adjusting your dress and quickly checking yourself in the mirror to make sure you looked at least how you did when you came in here. “Hey, talk to me. What’s—”

As he reached for your arm, you turned around and smacked his cheek.

“How dare you. You think after everything you put me through you can just walk back into my life and expect things to be how they were?! I’m in a healthy relationship for once. He doesn’t bail on dates or disappear when I need him. Jacob actually shows me off and tells people I’m his girlfriend that he loves! I don’t cry every night because of something he said or did! I don’t—”

“Have sex the way you want?”, Steve interrupted snidely. “You don’t actually have any fucking fun because he’s so fucking boring you just want to walk into traffic. He doesn’t challenge you or make feel needed. He doesn’t know how fucking numb you really are. Jesus…”, he snickers. “You’re definitely not the same girl that left me.”

“That’s right because you broke her fucking heart!”

“Does he know that you don’t love him?” You freeze by the door at his question. “Does he know that you, honey, are exactly like me whether you like it or not. There’s a reason you’ve thought of me every day to. That’s the same reason you’re afraid to leave him.”

“Our relationship…was toxic…”

Tilting his head to the side, he reached into his suit pocket, grabbing a pack of cigarettes, and lighting one between his teeth. 

“That may be but that also doesn’t change the fact that you and I, baby girl, thrive on that shit.”

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you shake your head before addressing him and turning to leave.

“Stay away from me, Steven.”

#############

“Oof.”, Jacob groans as he slinks out of his suit jacket and throws himself down on the sofa. “It was a long day. We have a big account that landed in our lap and even your friend has been staying late to help.”

“He’s not my friend.”, you mumble as you continue focusing on the sink in front of you. 

You hadn’t been able to shake Steve from your brain since the party. Hell, you hadn’t been able to shake him for the last 5 years. You thought about him constantly but knew he was bad for you. Part of what got you through the heartache was telling yourself that he wasn’t missing you; that he didn’t care at all where you were or if you were even happy. 

But here he was telling you the opposite. Was he lying or did he genuinely care? From the few interactions you had with him he still seemed exactly the same. God, why couldn’t you get the warm fuzzy feelings he gave you with someone healthy?! Why did you have to fall in love with him? Why did he rile you up and get you going but by doing the worst things. 

“Honey? Are you alright? You seem kind of—”

“I’m fine, Jacob. I’m just exhausted.”

His hand gently caressed your back as his chin rested on your shoulder. “I understand. Is there anything I can do?”

Angrily, you slammed the plate in your hand back into sink, lightly pushing him aside as you entered the living room and began to pace. 

“Baby, what’s going on?”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“STOP BEING SO FUCKING NICE TO ME!”, you shout as frustrated tears began to fall. “Why do you alwayshave to be so nice?”

“How else should I be, Y/N?”

“I don’t know! Fucking…tell me to stop being a bitch or raise your voice a little bit. Throw me against a wall and fuck me into submission.” 

“Y/N, I still don’t get it. You’re telling me you want me to hurt you?”

“NO! I just want you to stop being so fucking passive! Show a bit more passion! How can you live life like this!? If you’re angry just be fucking angry and then do something about it!”

Placing his hands on his hips, his eyes glance over you as if confused on how to proceed. 

“You know what? Um, fuck it. I’m sorry, honey. I just…I had a weird day and I’m taking it out on you.” Wiping your eyes, you hastily grab your jacket from the nearby closet, and sling it over your shoulders. “I’m just going to go for a drive.”

“Y/N, wait! It’s pouring!”

Shutting the door, you cut him off as you stand in the yard and let the rainwater hit your face. It had been so long since you felt amped up like this. Backing out of your driveway, you head to the one person you know will understand.

***

“Yeah? What? I’m busy.”

“Uh Mr. Harrington, there’s a young lady here that says she knows you and was wondering if she could come up to talk to you.”

“I see. Carl? Does the young lady have a name or are we just letting any random women into the building?”,Steve asked the security guard sarcastically through intercom that connected to the top two floors. 

“Um, Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Ok, send her up.”, he sighs almost as if he’s annoyed by your presence. 

You bounce anxiously in the elevator as you take the ride up to the top floor and as soon as the doors ding open, you power walk towards the lighted up office at the end of hall.

“Y/N.”, Steve exhales without looking in your direction. “I’m extremely busy so if this isn’t important then make it quick.” When his eyes finally land on your soaked, agitated frame, his whole demeanor shifted as he came around his desk and cupped your face in his hands. “Jesus Christ, honey. What the fuck is going on? Are you alright?”

Tilting up on your toes, you hungerly press your lips against his.

“Baby…Baby…hang on…Stop!”, he shouts sternly as he pulls you back. “Tell me what happened right now.”

“You said you missed me and that you loved me.”, you pant as you try to tug out of his grip. “I didn’t. I didn’t miss you at all. The only thing I ever loved about you was your dick, Harrington.”

His eyes narrowed as his head tilted trying to get a read on you. 

“Why are you lying, little girl? You’re not supposed to lie to me remember?”

“Said the liar. I bet you didn’t miss me either with all that pussy you were getting back at Hawkins.”

“I can get pussy and still miss yours. The only difference is I actually enjoyed fucking those gorgeous women. When’s the last time you were fucked properly?”

“Jacob can get the job done. Trust me.”, you sass. 

“Then tell me, baby, why are you here with me?”

“Because I’m an idiot! Maybe, I should go home.”

As you turned to leave, he roughly grabbed your arm, spun you around, and kissed you again. It was a rough kiss loaded with need as you both clung to each other, you a bit more desperately than him. 

“Where’s my girl? I want my Y/N.”, he snarled angrily as he pulled your hair back, tilting your face up to meet his. 

“I told you. She’s gone.”

“I don’t believe you.” Pushing you down onto your knees, he continues to hold you firmly as he unbuckled and unbuttoned his pants with one hand. “I think she’s still there. She’s just hidden behind this false facade of someone ‘normal’.” As his slacks fall to his ankles, his cock springs free, and you salivate at the sight as he pumps it slowly in front of your face. “But we aren’t normal, are we, baby?”

As you try to lean forward to take him into your mouth, Steve pulls on your hair harder forcing you back while leaning down till his face was just inches above your own. 

“Ah, see? There she is. Hidden right under there.” His tone is full of snark but his beautiful features remain stoic as he continues to glare down at you. “Come on, honey. Give me what you got.”

Rearing back, a glob of spit leaves your mouth and lands just above his nose.

“Fuck you, Steve Harrington. I hate you.”

Wiping his hand over his face, he collects your saliva and strokes it along his cock.

“Jesus, baby, your anger and attitude just really fucking get me off.” Lifting you off your knees, he pushes you onto his desk, tearing off your jacket and shirt before slamming your back against the wood as your head hangs over the other side. 

You try to get up but he’s faster, holding his palm against your chest as he comes around his desk. 

“You remember our word right, Y/N? I wouldn’t be surprised if you forgot it. I imagine you haven’t needed it with the extremely mundane almost tedious style sex you’ve been having over the years.”, he chuckles, laughing at his own snark as you pout angrily beneath him. “DO you remember?”

“Yes I fucking remember!”

The palm on your chest slides easily up your skin and takes hold of your throat.

“Yes, you remember what?”

“I remember our safe word.”

Rolling his eyes, he lets you go just long enough to slap your cheek hard before holding you down again. 

“Yes, WHAT?!”

“YES, DADDY, I REMEMBER OUR FUCKING WORD!”

Steve’s hand moves behind your head, holding you up slightly as his leaking tip touches your lips, exhaling heavily when your tongue darts out to lick his slit and you moan at the taste of him. Opening your mouth wider, you allow him to push his cock in till he promptly hits the back of your throat making you gag. 

“That’s it, baby, take it like a good girl.”

Thrusting his hips, you flatten your tongue allowing him to use you as he pleases. Abruptly, the phone blares on his desk startling you but annoying him as he angrily grunts at the device. 

“God fucking damn it. Can’t have one fucking moment. Don’t move.”, he growls as he leans over to pick up the receiver. “Yeah, this is Harrington.” His long fingers grip your hair tighter as his cock subtly slides between your lips unable to remain still as your wet, slobber filled mouth warms him. 

“Seriously? This is why you called at 10pm? We have it covered. I have faith in the employees here.”

Even though his voice remained relatively calm despite what was happening, you knew him well enough to know he was using all his energy to do so. Deciding to rile him further, your hand reached up above you and gently massaged his balls the way you knew drove him crazy back in school. 

“Look, stop panicking. I-I-I…” You smiled in triumph as Steve stuttered over his words. “Fuck. No not you. Clark, just…just tell my dad to calm the fuck down. I haven’t run his company into the ground yet and I don’t…don’t plan on doing it any time soon.”

Slamming the phone back on the hook, he grips the side of your head with both hands as he thrusts his hips at a faster pace. 

“Did you think that was funny, little girl?! Did you think it was funny watching me squirm?” Holding you still, he stops moving when he feels your nose against his sack, grunting as your throat constricts around him. “That’s it, you fucking brat. Choke on it.”

Pulling himself all the way out, he allows you to collect air and watches with pride as the tears streak down your face. Once he feels like you’ve had enough of a break, he shoves his cock back down your throat, holding you still as you gag and drool around him. 

A frustrated sigh leaves his lips as he tugs you off him and walks around to the other side of the desk while shuffling off his pants as he unbuttons his shirt. 

“Come here, baby.”

As you fully sit up, you raise your hips so he can aggressively yank down your pants with your panties. Bringing you towards the edge of his desk, he falls to his knees, and puts your cunt on display for himself as he uses his fingers to hold open your puffy lips. 

“Fuck, sweetheart. I missed this pussy so much. You always smelled so fucking good.” You moan as Steve’s nose grazes your clit and his tongue licks between your folds. “Shit. And you tasted so fucking delicious to.”

His head falls between your legs and your fingers tangle in hair as he devours you like you were his last meal. The obscene sounds of slurps and his tongue flicking in and out of your core has you clenching tightly around him as your eyes roll to the back of your head. 

“Please, don’t stop, Steve. Oh my god.”, you whine. 

As your hips start to buck against him, his strong hands hold you down forcing you to stay still. You continue petting his head, occasionally tugging on his fluffy, soft strands making his groan reverberate through you. 

The phone beside you blares loudly again and he grunts in agitation as he gets to his feet, grabbing the cord to yank it from the wall. 

Taking his place between your legs, you both moan as he runs his mushroom tip along you slit and rests his forehead on yours.

“Beg me, Y/N. Tell me how bad you want my cock that you love oh so much and not me.”

“Please, Steve, I need—”

His palm around your throat cuts you off.

“No, little girl. Remember? You don’t care about me anymore. You don’t give a fuck about Steve Harrington. All you want is my dick right? Well, honey, this dick belongs to Daddy so beg him.”, he growled causing your breath to hitch. 

“Please, Daddy. I’m sorry. I need you to fuck me. I need to feel you fill me up.”

“Do you think you deserve it?”

“No.”, you whisper, your answer intriguing him as his head shifts to the side. “But I need it.”

Your hands run up his chest till you reach his neck, clinging to him as he slowly guides himself inside of you. You mouth dropped open in the shape of an O as he gradually pumps his hips, pushing himself deeper into your heat. 

“God damnit, Y/N, how long has it been? Your pussy isn’t used to a big cock anymore is she? You’re so fucking tight.”

“Still s-so cocky.”

Steve chuckles lightly, his head hanging as he bottoms out. 

“Still a fucking brat.”

Gripping both your thighs, he pulls back before thrusting his length hard inside of you, practically punching the air from your lungs. Falling flat onto his desk, he finds a steady pace that leaves the two of you panting and moaning.

Leaning his upper body over yours, his lips kiss yours sloppily as your tongues dance together.

“Fuck, baby girl, no one has ever taken my cock as well as you.” His face falls into the nook between your neck and shoulder as he bites at the flesh. “This pussy was made for me, Y/N.”

“Harder, Daddy.”

Taking hold of you, he lifts you off his desk and places you on the floor, lifting one of your legs over his shoulder as he pounds into you.

“Like that, honey? Yeah. Daddy knows. Daddy can take care of you.” With one hand clinging to your leg for leverage, he utilizes his other to bring his thumb to your clit making you whimper as his cock abuses your g-spot. “Cum, pretty girl. Cum all over my dick.”

Perching yourself up on your elbows, your eyes lock with his giving him more determination to push you over that ledge. When you do finally fall, he grunts at the feeling, fucking you through it as his thumb moves faster against you. 

“Atta girl. Fuck me. Your pussy won’t stop pulling me in. You really needed Daddy, huh, baby?”

Shakily your hand grabbed his wrist, silently begging him to stop and to your surprise he did, bringing his palm up to caress your cheek. Focusing on his own pleasure, he slammed into you so hard that you knew you would be sore tomorrow. 

Falling flat against your body, he rolled his hips a few more times before warming your insides with his release. 

The two of you laid together quietly for a few moments until he finally rolled on to his back. Sneaking a glance your way, Steve noticed you were trembling and sat up to grab his jacket off the floor where he had tossed it to place it over your body like a blanket. 

“Thank you.”, you murmur as you bring it up closer to your neck. 

“For the jacket or the sex?” As you turn your head to look at him, he does the same. “That’s what you came here for right? Because I know it wasn’t for me. I guaran-God damn-tee if your boyfriend or any other guy fucked you the way I did, you’d be with them right now.”

“You’re right.” Steve huffed as he fully sat up and leaned against the sofa he had in his office. “What do you want me say, Harrington? I tried for two years to get you to claim me and every time you pushed me away.”

“And every time you still came back.”

“So that gave you license to treat me like garbage?!”

“No! I’m just… I’m just saying there’s a reason for that.”

“Yeah and not a good one. Steve…what we have…had… yeah the sex is amazing but everything else is unhealthy. The missed dates, angry calls, the fighting, the fucking cheating… we are toxic.”

He sighs heavily before giving you his full attention.

“Yeah, well, if we’re toxic then I’d rather go down with you than anyone else.” Shaking your head, you get to your feet as you quickly grab your clothes and start to put them on. “I know you feel the same, Y/N, or else you wouldn’t be here. You like all that bullshit because at least you’re feeling something other than fucking boredom. Trust me, I tried to. I tried doing the healthy ‘normal’ thing. I wanted to fucking gouge my eyes out by the end of the day. It took me awhile to realize that all the women I was with including her… I just kept wishing they were you.”

“This was a mistake. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“No, no, no, no, honey. Please, trust me. I feel like we can make this work.”

“Well, I don’t.”

Backing away from you, he folded his arms as he leaned against his desk. You knew this look very well, always referring to it as “the shutdown”. His wall was going up which means he was going to make this situation as complicated as possible.

The butterflies in your tummy fluttered in anticipation at the notion.

Why am I like this? Why can’t I be normal?

“Ok, Y/N. We can play this game but just remember, little girl, I’m way better at it than you.”

############

@daysinthephoenix @sophiejayne-illustrations713

[joonebugg]

hey … you should def … yap about horror sans heh 😈

Mutual....oh em gee....i should I shouldn't...unless😼

Sorry if this doesn't make sans

GAH I LOOOOVEEEEE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS MY FAV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And like ik I'm a huge simp for him but I genuinely love his character, I love characters who are mean and honestly a bit screwed up. They are so interesting to think about...canon horror is genuinely an enjoyable character. Asshole characters are my fav

His dynamics with people are my fave...ESPECIALLY with my personal version of him, it's like that with everyone tho lol

To me he has a lot of negative relationships

In terms of Horror and Dust they tolerate eachother, Horror thinks Dust is absolutely disgusting for killing his brother, but he understands the situation and how Dust's intentions maybe mattered, they understand that complex situations can get and Horror understands how haunted Dust is by this.

Horror and Killer are the complete opposite, Killer likes Horror but Horror hates Killer. Killer's battery posses him off, there was no necessity in what he did; Killer killed people because he was bored. That's how Horror see's it anyways. He doesn't realize how Killer's past haunts him, and what lead him to working with Chara and killing his whole au, because he refuses to understand. Horror has such a bias against Killer because of how he views him as weaker and blindly loyal to Nightmare, he hates it, it makes his blood boil how someone could be so loyal to this man who emotionally torments people for fun, to say the least Horror and Killer do NOT get along

Nightmare and Horror is so...chefs kiss, their dynamic is amazing to me. They are my two favorites because of how bad they can get, how terrible of people they can be. And Horror hates this man with every fiber of his being, Horror only listens to Nightmare out of necessity. With the others a simple promise to get them away from their past and out of their au was good enough, but Horror isn't dumb, Horror doesn't work for free, Horror wanted his au taken care of. Nightmare sort of has an admiration for Horror because of that, but it doesn't stop Nightmare from the emotional turmoil he puts Horror through. Horror is also just scared of Nightmare, he's like Undyne in a sense, except successfully taking his eye💀(Nightmare has everyone's weakness on a necklace in order to have more control over everyone)

Once Cross joins I think Horror is suspicious of him off the bat, in my version Cross is sent as a spy by Dream in order to gather any information he can on the gang. Obviously Horror is kind of opposed to this, Nightmare's plans being foiled makes him in a bad mood, which causes worse treatment. As much as Horror hates Nightmare and wants him to suffer, he knows he will just take it out on the gang, especially Horror due to how rebellious he is. Horror ends up not pursuing evidence of Cros being a spy though, he knows Cross is too careful for that, they have a more strained relationship basically, Cross doesn't want to make friends with people in the gang and neither does Horror, they respect that boundary they've set. They'd never get along though, I feel it in my bones.

But uhm yeah :3 if you want anymore rants please tell me, especially if it's like specific to an extent lmao..sorry if this doesn't make sense again💀💀💀

[microchive]

either cam or gideon for the character thing!!!

GAH!!!! picking gideon because you already did cam also i want to talk about gideon nav my best friend gideon nav

favorite thing about them: how do i even begin.... i love that she isn't a hero and doesn't become one through the narrative, i love that she is so blatantly posturing all of the time and she builds herself up to be this big confident sexy funnyman because she needs that to keep herself afloat but what she is in reality isn't any lesser! she is funny and she's shy and nervous and she's so powerfully butch to the bone in a way that avoids all negative stereotypes but still manages to highlight the pitfalls butches find themselves in. she has so many layers and people reduce her to some kind of himbo when in reality she's objectively both too mean and too intelligent to be a himbo. i love that you can sense from the very beginning that she is sitting on a massive broiling lake of sadness and for all of her posturing she is both incredibly delicate and one of the strongest characters in the story. i love that she sucks so bad and died a virgin like christ jesus and even missing half her soul she remains consistent not in her outward personality but in her ability to shield her soft underbelly through some sort of performative attitude but EVERYONE can see right through her except gideon herself because everything she does is loud and annoying. she's impulsive and passionate and. incredibly annoying. i hate her and she's my favorite person ever

least favorite thing about them: probably the war crimes but it's not like she's passionate about war crimes she just doesn't gaf. this is just what a lesbian situationship will do to a guy

favorite line: literally all of them man everything she says makes me laugh.... here are some standouts though: - "If my heart had a dick you would kick it" - "I have lots of fealty in me. I fealt the Emperor with every bone in my body. I fealt hard" - "You've got two short minutes left before I punch you right in the butthole" - everything she says when talking to ianthe

brOTP: her and camilla ooooohhhh..... also her and pal. gideon works so well with the sixth house because they're just as annoying and generally peculiar as her they're just more lowkey about it

OTP: i'd have to say griddlehark because i have never stopped thinking about them ever but i do enjoy gideon x camilla (i forgot their ship name) because the cav4cav shit is so good godddd they're just two sides of the same coin, the same story with different upbringings they would help each other out

nOTP: not a huge fan of gideon and corona just because i think corona needs to chase someone who doesn't like her for enrichment purposes and gideon's schoolgirl crush on corona probably doesn't translate well into an actual relationship (let's be real though none of these relationships are going "well") but it is an interesting dynamic

random headcanon: i think she is really gross. genuinely. she picks her nose and doesn't wash her face and harrow gets on her ass about it which i guess is reasonable. also more intense but i definitely think both gideon and harrow have food issues but while harrow copes by being intensely picky gideon has some textual evidence of binge eating which makes sense to me character wise and also would explain why she developed muscle on planet malnutrition

unpopular opinion: i don't really have any once again?? i guess i like to imagine she isn't as attractive as she thinks she is but a lot of people write and draw her as a lesbian adonis which i understand because thats how she describes herself lmao. i think she's kind of cute in a weird way and tamsyn describes her as boyishly pretty so in my mind she's the kind of hot a straight man would never agree with. she is still the hottest person in the world to me

song i associate with them: I HAVE SO MANY. main ones are: father by the front bottoms, dance in room song by sipper, bodysnatchers by radiohead, suffering jukebox by silver jews, knife in the coffee by car seat headrest

favorite picture of them: this fanart: (this artist does such a delicious gideon ohhh i need her.) https://www.tumblr.com/bastardnoodle/741903153830723584/im-in-the-middle-of-reading-harrow-and-i-miss-her?source=share

[miistymemorii]

Adam Stanheight SFW Alphabet

A/N: hoping to do these for all the characters, I love headcanons lol. Please enjoy! These are all GN!reader, I believe.

Affection

Adam is most comfortable with affection in a private setting. He's not one for PDA, but in the comfort of your home, he's practically clung to your side. Besides physical affection, he is fond of gift giving, but in the most money-safe ways. He dabbles in art, leaving drawings on your bedside table if you've had a stressful day, and he will sometimes photograph things outside that remind him of you, presenting them to you in a small photo album.

Best friend

The two of you started out as friends pretty fast. He really liked your personality, so he tried to spend as much time with you as he could. He did consider you his best friend at one point, but he was really happy to become more than friends.

Cuddles

He does cuddle but does so by flopping on top of you when he came home from work. He is DEF a little spoon enthusiast, but he won't say it out loud, instead he just huffs and shuffles restlessly in the bed until you hold him.

Domestic

He loves when you stay over at his place and the two of you play house. For the longest time, the honeymoon phase seemed like it would never end. You stay over at his house a lot, just consuming all of your time together. Whenever you're over, Adam insists on cooking. It's rough at first, but the more you stayed over meant the more practices, and eventually he got decent at cooking.

Ending (if they had to break up, how would they do it)

GAH THIS KILLS ME TO WRITE BUT there's no way he'd want to end a relationship. He is desperate, anxious to hold on to anything good in his life. He knows it's wrong, but he develops sick addictions to his partners. If the two of you were to break up, you'd have to dump him.

Fiancee (how do they feel about marriage)

I think he would be pretty okay with marriage but is not too into the pageantry of it all. His logic is that marriage would be just like dating, but with tax cuts. Just like dating was the same as being best friends but with sex. And so on. He would save up to buy you a decent ring, just to show that it matters to him.

Gentle

Adam can be a very gentle person. He cares about you so much; he constantly keeps himself in check to make sure he's not screwing up what y'all have. He may not be mushy-gushy, but he's certainly affectionate, in his own ways.

Hugs

Adam gives amazing hugs. Each one is enveloping, but never too tight. He likes to hug you and hold you, a physical reminder that you, the thing that grounds him, is real.

I love you

Adam definitely said "I love you" first, but it was on accident. You had been dating for, like, two weeks, and as you kissed his cheek goodbye and headed out the door, he called out "love you, bye!" before shouting, "SHIT!". You ran back inside, laughing, and gave him a kiss before telling him you loved him too, leaving him standing in his livingroom with a goofy smile.

Jealousy

Adam isn't a jealous person, but he is insecure. He knows you would never cheat, and he knows you can hold your own against a drunken stranger, but if he could tell someone was hitting on you, he would probably start to doubt himself. Over time, he opens up to you about this negative mindset, and you help him through it.

Kisses

There is always so much affection behind every kiss you and Adam share, no matter how big or small it may be. If you two are busy, he'll rush past you with a small peck on your forehead, or if you come home and sees you had a bad day, he'll kiss your hands, then gently rubbing the tension out of them.

Little ones (kids)

UGHHHHH controversial, maybe. but I think Adam would be good with kids. I think he has a lot of "childish" hobbies, like video games, action figures, old cartoons, and he thinks the way kids think is funny, so he's good at carrying on a conversation with a kid. The first time you see him interact with a kid, and so well at that, you swoon, and know he's who you want to raise kids with.

Morning

Adam is NOT I repeat N O T a morning person. God, he dreads the sudden start he gets when the sun shines through his bedroom curtains juuuust right and laserbeams his eyes. You have to drag him out of bed, but if you leave before he starts work, he most likely ends up back in bed.

Night

Adam thrives in the night. Well, "thrive" is a strong word for what state he's in when the sun goes down. He usually works well into the night, but even when he comes home, he's restless, needing time to relax before bed. His body is exhausted, screaming for slumber, but his mind stays awake. Eventually, you have to coax him into bed, or else he'd be up till sunrise.

Open (how revealing, comfortable, open are they)

Adam is not a very open person. When he met you, he knew that there was something about you, a safety that made him compelled to talk to you about serious things. Still, he has a tough time expressing himself when he has intense feelings, getting upset when something potentially traumatic becomes the topic of discussion. Over time, he realizes that he needed to trust you, and himself, so he started small, getting a small journal to write in daily.

Patience

You're the only person Adam has patience for. He doesn't like public spaces or large crowds, growing anxious when the two of you go out. The first few times you went out to somewhere crowded, you were surprised how short he was with other people during small inconveniences. Eventually he learned to be better, but he would still return home with his social battery drained.

Quiet time (what is quiet time like with them/free time)

I feel like Adam reads and has a few books BUT a large collection of comic books. When the two of you have quiet time, he is most likely reading said comic books. He also like to sketch, mostly crude cartoons, but he still scribbles away in his sketch book from time to time.

Remember (fav memory about the relationship)

His fav memory is definitely from the first time you slept over at his house. The feeling of holding each other, the warmth of you beside him for the first time, so used to waking up alone. That night he had also made a pizza, which actually turned out exceptionally well.

Security (how protective are they)

Adam knows you can hold your own, but he won't hesitate to tell someone off if they're being rude. He secretly likes getting to say, "my girlfriend"; not in a possessive way, just as a fun reminder that the two of you are in love.

Try (how much effort do they put in)

Adam is really good about putting in effort, and not just in a 50%/50% way. He understands you have bad days, and he acts accordingly, either pampering you as you need or giving you space to think. Adam tries in every aspect of the relationship..

Ugly (how do they react to your insecurities? What about their insecurities?)

Adam has plenty of insecurities, so he understands what it's like to feel insecure. He also understands that he can't possibly know exactly what you're thinking, because that was something only you knew. Still, he tries as best he can, always reminding you that he's here to talk, to vent, to get reassurance. Similarly, you keep that connection open with him, but he's a little more reluctant to open up. It's not like he's good at hiding his insecurities, though, but you provide him with the support he needs.

 Vanity (how groomed/consumed with their looks are they)

Adam remembers to brush his teeth.

OKAY, and he showers regularly. He doesn't do anything special with his hair or clothes, but he still looks relatively put-together. He puts a lot of effort into more formal settings, wanting to look as good as you.

Whole (do they feel incomplete without you?)

Adam would say yes, but it's only partially true. He has spent a lot of his life alone or holding meaningless relationships. He appreciates the space you fill, the bond between the two of you precious to him. Still, he understands that the two of you are separate people. However, if you're apart for more than a week, he becomes restless.

Xtra (random headcanon)

Before the two of you have kids (if you even want that), Adam would be really into having a pet. A cat or a dog, sure, but I could see him secretly wanting some kind of lizard or snake for a pet.

Yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, in a partner or just in general?)

Adam used to date alot of ruse girls in his early 20's, wanting to seem edgy. However, as he ages and matures, he realized how exhausting those relationships were, so he doesn't like rude people, ESPECIALLY if they're the type of person who makes being rude their whole personality.

Zzzz (sleeping habits)

This man hasn't had a stable sleeping schedule since elementary school. He is used to sleeping all day, going out at night, but since being with you he tries to go to bed at a reasonable time and wake up before noon. He definitely moves in his sleep, flopping on his back and yanking you to his side, or smothering your body with his heavy, sleeping form.

[billpottsismygf]

Episode 7 (The Very Long Stairway)! I didn't put it in my last review, but I had a strong feeling we were going to get a flashback to the start of Edwin and Charles' relationship in this one. I had wondered if it would start with it, Good Omens style, so when it didn't happen immediately I thought maybe I was wrong. I was vindicated, however! And I love the use of the Night Nurse's already established powers as a framing device for it. I got so into what was happening, though, that I forgot that was how it started and was surprised when the camera panned to her watching everything.

So, oh my god, Edwin sat and talked with Charles as he died!!!! Edwin is so incredibly kind to him and it's heartbreaking that he knew this boy was going to die in front of him, and decided to make sure he had the most calming death possible. And Charles instantly decided to stay with him. I think it's very telling that he latches onto Edwin so quickly. Charles is someone who values kindness and helping people - he literally just died because he saved another boy from being bullied - so when he understands what Edwin did for him, he knows this is a person to hang onto.

I had wondered for a while if Charles had been the one to rescue Edwin from hell, given that they met 30 years ago, the same time he got out of hell. Turns out that no, Edwin had already just got out of hell by himself, but this was still a really satisfying flashback. Speaking of their relationship, we also finally got the love confession. I really didn't want Edwin to say anything, but it went about as well as it possibly could have. Still, gah, reeling from the secondhand embarrassment and the fact that this is not the time, Edwin! I was about to be so annoyed if the thing 'worse than a demon' had caught them because they spent so long dawdling on the staircase.

The scenes in hell themselves were really effective. Loved the page ripping punishment, very Sisyphean, and in fact the entire scene that followed with Simon was so touching I had to watch the whole thing again immediately. He was a stupid boy who didn't know what he was doing, and their reconciliation reminded me a bit of Pat forgiving the boy who shot him in Ghosts. Anyway, it seems that everyone has a crush on Edwin apart from the one boy he wants. Still, Edwin and Simon reconciling and Edwin telling him that 'if you punish yourself enough, everywhere becomes hell' but that being queer doesn't have to be a punishment, was incredibly moving. Again, Edwin has empathy for him and shows him kindness.

Relatedly, I also loved the scene with Despair. The moment she came on screen, even with her face obscured, I realised who she was. She barely features in Sandman, far less than Death anyway, but I recognised her instantly. Obviously I'm intrigued about the whole 'I'll call you if ever I need you' thing, but for the purposes of this episode I really love how that scene solidified the importance of Edwin having compassion. Edwin can be very bitchy (which I love him for), and he had every right to be mean to the boy who sent him to hell, but he chose kindness instead.

Conversely, Crystal got to choose violence and I love that for her. It was very satisfying seeing her literally get to bury David. It's fitting, as well, that David once overpowered her mind and now she's using her mind to overpower him. It is, of course, 'bad for the tree' if he stays there long, so I wonder if we'll see repercussions from that further down the line.

What else? Oh, the opening scene! The Cat King is such an interesting figure. He's creepy in the way he pursues Edwin, but it feels like they're on slightly more level ground now. He's a wild card character who's not exactly a villain, but will always act in his own interests. I'll be interested to see where his character goes from here, especially now it's been established that he's less powerful than Esther. His line about how strong and great Edwin is and who does Esther think she is trying to beat him, while obviously a problem in terms of giving her ideas, was also interesting in its own right. He clearly knows a fair bit about Edwin and genuinely thinks highly of him. Until this point we've only really seen him interacting with Edwin, where he taunts him the whole time, so this has made me all the more intrigued and invested in him.

Small things:

Edwin explaining to Charles that he doesn't fall through the floor because of the vague and weird ghost rules once again gave me strong Ghosts vibes.

I continue to love Mick, so really hoping he'll be okay after his confrontation with Esther.

Maxine in hell was interesting! I thought we'd learn more about her after her death, but it was a very fleeting appearance.

I thought Jenny might actually learn about ghosts and demons and psychics (oh my), but it seems not, alas.

Simon got a blue light after Edwin left, so does that mean Death came to him? Can people in hell get closure from unfinished business and move on? Or is it something Edwin specifically is good at doing for people?

Monty's still around and doing Esther's bidding! Someone turn him back into a human, please! Maybe Crystal?

I loved Niko getting to save the day (for now) through the power of reading comprehension!

[kayrockerqog]

imma compress all my td2023 season two thoughts into one post, so spoilers below particularly for the final four/five episodes

Okay so, I can't be the only one who's super tired of Caleb by the end of the season, right? Like, no, I don't dislike him as a character necessarily, hell, we didn't have much to go off of for a GOOD while, and I'm certainly glad they actually gave him some substance. But like...really? Putting him in the FINALE? Extending his arc so long that it keeps PRIYA in until the final FOUR?? It just makes them both feel like they overstayed their welcome, especially when people like Damien, Zee and Raj got shafted in favour of their plotline, which was ultimately super exhausting compared to others. It also just felt a little...off, especially for Caleb's teammates in the finale basically being "Team Not Julia," that just felt...so sad. And not in a way that was really earned since he was super wishy-washy for the latter half of the game, especially after Damien was eliminated. Like girl how can you go from having nothing to having too much?? What is this, rags to riches? And just to get all of the kinda low points of the season IMO:

Damien was just straight up robbed, and his elimination left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth?? Like there ain't no way DAMIEN would be dumb enough and/or not paranoid enough to NOT take the idol with him to elimination, like, ON HIS PERSON. I don't care that it was hidden at the campfire, there is no way anyone with his personality, especially after saying he moves the damn thing like four times a day, would NOT KEEP IT ON HIM DURING THE CEREMONY!! That's just an unnecessary risk and it got him taken out. Also, Priya voting him out made DOUBLE no sense, like I get Wayne and Raj being sentimental and all but why would Priya vote him over someone else?? I'm still not over Zee's elimination either. Like, yeah, I get why, he spilled a bunch of tea about everybody, but did they just FORGET THE FIRST AND ARGUABLY MOST IMPORTANT BIT OF TEA??? THAT CALEB WAS FUCKING WITH PRIYA'S HEAD??? Why did they spare him of that? Caleb should've gotten more fucking consequences for not updating Zee on the development, especially when you made him PROMISE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING!!! However, there's a lot of good stuff too that I absolutely adored about the later episodes:

MK and Julia's farewell felt really fitting, even if I felt MK should've stayed over her, plus the hug??? the mutual respect??? Chef's commentary???? real. Raj and Wayne continue to be completely endearing, both with Raj's elimination and Wayne's obvious love and care for him even when he's not there. I mean FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, his worst fear at the time was having to compete AGAINST Raj instead of with him!!! How precious is that?? Plus the HUG????? RAJ'S FAREWELL?????? EVERYTHING ABOUT IT HAS ME SO GIDDY MAN!! "Bowie, get your dancing shoes!" me, being buried in a pile of the hearts swirling around my head and also just, Bowie in the finale being an icon, as usual, even if he isn't competing. His friendship with Wayne as a result of his relationship with Raj and how he's adapted to their ways of thinking is SO!!!!! GAH!!!!!! HE LEARNED THE HOCKEY TALK!!!!! IM WEAK!!!!!! And everyone on Wayne's team being so genuinely happy to support him, especially those I genuinely would not have expected to be there (Axel, Ripper, Chase) but when I think about it, it makes PERFECT sense, and I'm just,,, AGH!!!!! And while the final three and winner may not have been my first choices, I am ultimately pleased with the ending. Wayne winning makes up for the exhaustion of other plotlines in the season, and really, he played fair and square and won. Much as I wanted Julia to win, I'm glad he did.

now that ive actually seen all the episodes I'm gonna be,,, insane and reblog so much td stuff because obviously, so,, AND IF ANYONE WANTS TO ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS FEEL FREE!!! I WOULD LOVE TO TALK MORE IN DEPTH ABOUT MY THOUGHTS OF THE SEASON!!

[bluebeads-art]

your art is so amazing !!! i adored the 3d printed stuff (as someone who has had to design myself 3d printed merch before because i don't usually have much access to the merch in my fandom lol), it's so good?? and all your coloring is beautiful <3

all this to say it might not seem like i reblog much but rest assured all the stuff i liked (or didn't) went into my queue a few times over hehehe. i LOVE your art it's amazing <3

wishing you luck with the identity and health stuff, even if it doesn't get better i hope you find happiness within it 🫡

gah this got away from me sorry for the ramble

aaaaaaa I saw this message in a notification on my phone, said "I'll read that when I actually have time to reply," then the notification got dismissed somehow and if there's no notification prompt to remind me of something, it no longer exists to me. It's been a month I'm so sorry ^^;;

Thank you so much! I wish it was easier to convert more of my stuff to be 3D printable, but my usual modeling style is not watertight in the slightest and disregards gravity entirely. 😆 3D modeling has always been really cool to me because there's so many different workflows depending on what you're trying to make. Keeps things from getting stale!

Speaking of differences, I feel like people don't tend to mention my coloring. :0 I think my line art usually steals the show, heh. I used to be a lot more conscious about color theory and shading when I was younger, but these days there's no thoughts, only vibes 😂

Ok the line, "even if it doesn't get better i hope you find happiness within it" hit me unexpectedly hard (in a good way). Any nice messages I get always means a ton to me, but while I don't seem to be able to articulate why at the moment, I think that line will stick with me for much longer than usual. Thank you so much ♥

---

Speaking more generally (this message just gave me a good excuse to talk, heh)- spoilers; the artist in my brain refuses to die. So after, like, a literal year of not touching it, I've started working again on a 3D modeling project that I started in 2021 that has been haunting me ever since. Been trying to redesign a robot OC of mine Rayner, and I'm really particular about wanting his joints to work in a physical space instead of bending the rules artistically. I'm Really bad at designing complex hard surface objects in flat 2D though. However, there's a reason artists tell you not to character design in 3D, and that's because it's slow, it's easy to lose design cohesion, and most importantly it just sucks, awful workflow. But I am Doing it. And while I was super stuck for years and almost developed a friggin phobia of the project, I am now Doing It. And it's actually working out this time. The 3D model itself is MILES from being done, but the design almost is, and while that's a boring end result for other people, it represents a huge milestone and accomplishment for me in many ways.

I've been drawing a little bit lately too! But I feel my social media hiatus has given me a healthier relationship with posting? Like I have a few doodles that I could either post now or post soon, but I don't feel the same pressure to anymore? Where even if I never post them, I think I'm fine with that. I've always thought I made art for myself, but that's not exactly true because I was also making art for the sake of sharing. And while I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I think being able to separate the two and be content with simply just creating is healthy. Also I'm still not as active on social media in general anymore which is probably healthier as well LOL.

So I'll prrrobably start posting again soon-ish now that I've broken this blog's posting silence? Not sure how to wrap this monologue up. My physical health problems are going to keep on probleming, but in terms of artistic fulfillment I've been in a much better place this past month, and that's a huge yeehaw from me 👍

[acacia-may]

Acacia~! 💖

If it’s alright, I have two ships to ask about… 😅

Could you share your thoughts on Finral x Finesse and Levy x Gajeel, please?

Hi Erika! It is always so lovely to hear from you. I hope you are doing fantastically and finding lots of time to write and enjoy your favorite things! 💖 Thank you so much for the ask. Of course you can ask about more than one pairing. ^^

Finral x Finesse

Finral x Finesse does make sense and compels me to an extent (though I'll admit other pairings for both of them compel me more personally 😅). It's a very sweet ship, and I can see how they would be well suited for each other since they are both very kind, generous, and selfless people. I love the idea of them each getting to be in a relationship with someone who is equally as big-hearted as they are, and I can imagine them being extremely happy together even if the circumstances in which they would be getting together aren't the best. As I've been pretty vocal about, I have extremely strong and very negative opinions about the idea of Finral returning to House Vaude in order to marry her and that kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth with regards to this pairing which I otherwise like and enjoy based on their interactions and dynamic alone.

I just really, really wish this ship wasn't so tangled up in the House Vaude succession drama (plus does she have to be engaged to his brother? Why is that necessary??). It's just so much more complicated than it needs to be and often times very messy and not handled as a well as it should be especially when it's tied to such heavy, life-altering decisions like Finral returning to his abusive home (i.e. it's often played for melodrama and extremely unfunny laughs. It was also introduced really late and don't even get me started about the whole Langris thing...). It's these outside circumstances that really make it hard for me to go all in for a pairing I probably would have enjoyed a lot more under different (better) circumstances, but I do like them and understand people who really ship them and don't mind the handling of the pairing in the canon. It's just hard for me to look past that so I have complicated feelings about it.

Gajeel x Levy

Gah I freaking adore this ship! It's my favorite pairing in all of Fairy Tail no question at all. Their relationship arc was incredibly compelling and was one of my favorite plotlines in the entire series. I went in knowing that they were a canon ship but not really knowing anything about them. Needless to say, I was a little perplexed in the beginning seeing as they had that whole enemies to lovers thing going on, but it was really interesting to get to see how their relationship developed over time and I'll admit I got super invested.

I'm not always the biggest fan of enemies to lovers, but I think Gajeel x Levy is a really great example of how good that trope can be. I love that they found forgiveness and understanding then built this friendship with each other based on mutual respect. Gajeel knew he had to prove to Levy that he was sorry and that he had changed, and he showed this with his actions, knowing that it wasn't enough for him to just say he was sorry and that things were different. I also loved that his character arc, while inspired by Levy and (eventually) his love for her, was also independent of her and was something that Gajeel wanted for himself. He wanted to better himself and to become a man who was worthy of her regardless of whether Levy ever returned his affections, and I found that incredibly refreshing, compelling, and wholesome. I was really rooting for him throughout his entire arc, and the selflessness and devotion he shows not just towards Levy but towards his other friends as well by the end of the series is really moving. I was honestly a little misty-eyed during his incredibly heartfelt and vulnerable confession.

By believing in him and choosing to see the best in him, Levy inspired Gajeel to see himself as something more, something better than he ever believed he could be, and I love that he inspires and builds her up too (like when he helped her during the Tenrou Island arc). They really do have this great dynamic. I adore their banter and the way they balance each other and help each other explore different points of views and ways of seeing the world.

I could ramble about this pairing forever, but yes, I think they make a lot of sense and I ship them so, so much. They're absolutely compelling to me, but I can understand how some people might not be a fan of this ship given its beginnings and the inexcusable actions of Gajeel during the Phantom Lord arc. For me though, I think the series did a very good job of making a compelling slow burn for them and showing that Gajeel really had changed and had become someone worthy of Levy and her love. I am personally very glad they got their happy ending. Thank you so much for asking about them! 💕

[narukoibito]

AHHHH NARU!!!! i would kindly request snippets of The Other Boy Who Lived, Pride and Prejudice AU, and Harry Librarian AU 💖💖💖

@nuatthebeach 💖💖💖 Sorry that took so LONG — just got home after that long trip...

I responded to Harry Librarian and P&P AU earlier.

The Other Boy Who Lived

This is basically the companion piece to Someone Else's Life where Harry is thrown into an alt dimension where Neville is the BWL. In this one, the non-BWL Harry is thrown into canon and is canon. Both Harrys need to deal with their feelings for Ginny and having an existential crisis over whether Ginny likes them or the BWL.

I looooved the idea of AU!Harry (who is a professional quidditch player) and canon!Ginny having to figure out the auror mystery canon!Harry left in his wake. Yes, two literal jocks having to fight the bad guys haha. But of course with lost of pining and deep philosophical thoughts about identity and love.

Also one of the things I wanted to explore if I ever wrote either of these fics are Harry's relationship with Neville. Here's a snippet with AU!Harry and canon!Neville.

“Did you love her?” He blurted before he could stop himself.  Neville watched him carefully. “She’s one of my best friends.” Harry nodded, feeling the heat creep up his face. He didn’t have a right to ask, but still he pressed on, needing to know. “But did you?” Neville sighed softly, turning to the plants.  “I did, once. Or I might have,” Neville said finally. There was a flash of something in his eyes, the way he held himself, as if challenging Harry. For a moment, Harry was struck by how much  Neville looked like his Neville. But there was a softening in his stance. “I fancied her a little around fourth year. We went to the Yule Ball together.” “I know. I mean — you did in my…you know. World.” Neville looked taken aback, his eyes looking far away from a moment. “Huh. Well, we went as friends. She wanted to go with you.” “Did she?” The thought seemed foreign to him. Ginny wanting, even then, to be with him. But of course, it wasn’t really him — not this version of himself.

Gah, exhausted from my day trip so I will answer more asks tomorrow! Here's another snippet featuring AU!Harry and canon!Ginny if you're interested.

Please send me more WIP asks!

[raincandy-u]

im honestly mid spiral writing this and my fiance is sleeping so i literally have no one even if i already spammed his messages but oh my god i hate having a fucked up brain and being self aware of it oh my god i literally struggle with any kind of relationship because at the smallest thing my brain will think the worst of someone and then i just get really angry and hate them and then since im self aware of this i just start to hate myself and want to cut and its like for the love of god give me a break!!!!!

things were supposed to be better since i moved out of my parents home bc i was away from all of the triggering family issues that ive been dealing with since as long as i can remember but frankly if i dont have an issue my brain will sure find one for me... i love to make myself miserable i guess, love being sad and upset and just self aware of it all and unable to stop it and gah!!

i seriously need a therapist so i can get some diagnosis and know wtf is wrong with me (i obviously have my hunches but i want to know for sure) this is all so overwhelming and getting out of hand, im just glad i don't have a blade of any kind right now and dont want to use something that we cook/eat with because of sanitary reasons but god i want it to stop

my heartbeat is going crazy right now and just lately i haven't been sleeping very well and im plagued with intrusive thoughts almost every night that just scare me so bad and im so thankful to be living with the love of my life but oh god has it made me more self aware of my horrible anger issues and just any kind of issues in general, mood swings, hot and cold behaviors, just all of it... and then knowing just makes me self loathe more and its just a never ending fucked up cycle honestly!!!! woohoo!!!

[sleepydelights]

7: Have tattoos?

8: Want any tattoos?

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

14: Biggest turn offs

15: Favorite movie

16: I’ll love you if

25: My idea of a perfect date

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

34: What I find attractive in women

35: What I find attractive in men

36: Where I would like to live

oop i didn't think it was so many sorry

Wow! Don’t be sorry nonnie I’m happy for the attention and distraction from packing ^.^

7. Yes, but they’re all simple, black, and family related. I’m itching to get a number of new ones though.

8. Haha yes, I want a beetle in the crook of my arm so when I open and close my arm, the elytra open revealing the wings beneath. I want a 747 wingtip to wingtip, elbow to pinky. I have a number of finger tattoos I want; bone outline on the back of one hand. I want my entire left leg to be beautiful vibrant flowers, each representing an important person to me. There are so many more tbh but that’s a start.

12. I am married and poly. I’m not actively seeking, but then that’s never been my style. My wife landed in my lap 10 years ago by luck. I tend to deal in extremes so if I’m honest I never dated much at all. Just pined.

13. Biggest turn ons? It’s hard to rank them because they all have different effects but I guess decisiveness, intention, and calmness.

14. Turnoffs? Gah it’s so situational and I never know when something is going to give me the ick. I think willful ignorance is number one. Like if someone sends a message with my pinned word but the message contains unsolicited sexy roleplay, I’m immediately squicked. Like brother (it’s always men in my experience) you read it but did you -read- it? That’s a lame example but yeah ignorance and boundary pressing behavior.

15. Favorite movie. I get so much shit for this all the time but it’s Armageddon. Bruce Willis was in his peak imho in 97 for The Fifth Element and in 98 for Armageddon. It’s a stellar fucking cast- Steve Buscemi, Liv Tyler, Michael Clarke Duncan,Billy Bob Thornton, and there’s also Ben Affleck and Owen Wilson. Yes. I know. It’s a Michael Bay film but I feel like it gets a pass because it’s pre-Transformers. It’s so bad it’s good again, from hysterically bad dialogue to criminally incorrect representations of vacuum physics, all to the fucking tune of Aerosmith. Fun fact - NASA uses (or used) Armageddon for management trainees, tasking them to spot as many errors as possible and so far 168 have been noted. Let’s not forget the bonus dvd features interviewing Ben Affleck who essentially laughs his way through every plot hole for five minutes. Suspend your disbelief of any of it making logical sense in a real world environment and it’s a fantastic film and I will die on this hill to the tune of I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.

16. I’ll love you if you… think of me fondly.

25. My idea of a perfect date? April 25th. It’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is light jacket. ^.^ But for real? Probably going for tapas and drinks, maybe a show. Then we come back and get comfy because fuck being out too long and we snuggle and talk and let things go where they may.

27. A description of a person I like. She has the most vibrant brown eyes I’ve ever seen. Black as night sometimes but sometimes they are a rich amber or even chocolate with hints of sienna. Her skin is so soft and inviting. Her hands are soft but strong. She’s taller than me which is nice because sometimes I need to feel small. She’s a talented writer and she’s funny and smart but not a know it all. She does know it all though. About everything. She has a thirst for knowledge that rivals no one else I’ve met. Some of it might be useless knowledge but fuck if she doesn’t retain it like she does cables and puns. I like her a lot.

34. What I find attractive in women? The list of what I don’t find attractive in women would be much shorter. I have been obsessed with the female form for as long as I can remember. I was always embarrassed about it but here it’s okay and welcome to openly worship women and I love that for me.

35. What I find attractive in men? I don’t find many men attractive and the ones I do? They don’t have many physical attributes in common. It’s about how they make me feel. I can’t stand a man who yells. I do appreciate some hair and a squishy tummy and big hands though.

36. Where I would like to live? It’s between California and Barcelona right now. California for friends mostly. Barcelona to escape the political fuckery of this hellscape country. I don’t feel like my family is safe here anymore.

Thanks for all the questions! I really need to pack my tech bag and go to bed soon though. My Lyft will be here in 7 hours. 🫣

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

there should be more of this type of fic/art

I already answered this (more Ghostbur-centric fics!!) but my second answer would be… more Tommy and Ghostbur-centric fics alsgaksgkagsjs

The two have such an amazing and beautiful relationship and hardly anyone talks about them 😭

THAT REMINDS ME THAT I ACTUALLY NEED TO GO CHECK THEIR TAG ON A03 AND SEE IF I CAN FIND ANYTHING GOOD I’LL BE RIGHT BACK

Edit: OH MY GOSH I FOUND A FIC. I FOUND A FIC. A GOOD FIC. ABOUT GHOSTBUR AND TOMMY. OH MY GOSH. I AM ALSGAKSGJAFSHSFW

LOOK LOOK LOOOOOOOOK!!!! THERE’S PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES!!! AND!!! AND :(((

It’s also free of swear words, which is always a nice surprise in DSMP fanfics 😅

The author responded to my comment in literally two minutes lol

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

…Ghostbur and Tommy’s relationship XD

I just love them, okay? Absolutely adore these two. Freaking phenomenal.

There’s Ghostbur, who’s very closely intertwined with Wilbur—has his voice (sort of) and his face and even some of his memories—and as a result, everyone sees Ghostbur as Wilbur, more or less. They don’t see him as Ghostbur, they see him as Wilbur’s ghost. There’s a very big difference there.

And then there’s Tommy—the one person on the entire server who truly saw Ghostbur as someone different from Wilbur, someone who wasn’t Wilbur. Tommy treated Ghostbur like his own person!! He treated Ghostbur with actual kindness and made sure he was loved, and I will NEVER GET OVER THAT

Heck, Tommy was the only person who grieved after Ghostbur was killed; the kid made a little memorial thingy, took care of Friend, got very upset whenever Wilbur would say mean things about Ghostbur, and clearly got sad whenever Ghostbur was even mentioned. It was clear to anyone that Tommy loved Ghostbur and really, truly missed him :’(

And don’t even get me started on Exile! Ghostbur was the only one who consistently visited Tommy—which helped Tommy feel a lot less lonely—and he helped make Exile into a home, into Logstedshire! Or at least, as much of a home as it could be.

Ghostbur even made a little house for Tommy to stay in 🥺 Even though Tommy stubbornly insisted on staying in a tent (which he built really badly if I’m remembering right lol. It was either Ghostbur or Dream who had to step in and help Tommy out XD)

And Ghostbur took pictures of L’manburg and brought those pictures back for Tommy to look at, and he made both Tommy and Tubbo matching compasses that pointed to each other (friendship compasses!!) because Ghostbur knew how much the two meant to each other and how much they loved each other! Ghostbur literally said, “your favorite thing in the whole world is Tubbo!” to Tommy 🥺 HE KNEW HOW MUCH CLINGY DUO AKSGAKSGJAGSJWGS GAH!!!!

This is very rambly, but what I’m trying to say is that Ghostbur and Tommy’s relationship is darn special, and it’s a shame that hardly anyone pays attention to that. I just love them <3

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Kinda switching gears here, but when people use cc!Dream as a reason to hate the Dream SMP, I just… ugh.

Just because the creators/actors/writers/etc of a piece of media do bad things or make bad decisions or do things that you don’t agree with, that doesn’t mean that the actual media is bad.

Heck, Dream wasn’t even the main part of DSMP! There were loads of other things, like L’manburg and Tommy and Wilbur and Bad and the Eggpire and Las Nevadas and Beeduo and November 16th and so many others, that were way more important than Dream’s character!! I’d definitely say that Dream wasn’t the reason that DSMP got popular or became so good; it was because of other people, and their stories and their arcs. That’s what got people into DSMP. Not Dream.

If you don’t want anything to do with Dream, that’s perfectly fine!! But hating DSMP because of that… is kinda weird to me? Because what you’re doing is casting aside all of the wonderful stories that don’t have anything to do with Dream, y’know? That doesn’t seem fair. That seems weird.

I have a lot of thoughts about this issue aksgajsgajfs

[vizthedatum]

Is it just my period, or is it that the more stable I become in my environment, the more I validate my own feelings, the more I speak up for myself, the more I cut out the people-pleasing, the more that I realize that my ex has so little empathy for me... the more it hurts?

My head is pounding. I look so fucking gorgeous right now but on the inside... I feel weak. I'm shivering from pain, and it's still not as bad as it used to get. I'm so functional right now that it's amazing. But still - I'm barely unpacking (and I need to) and I can barely fucking do my work because I literally am freezing up. Yesterday, my doctor told me it's so understandable that I'm having freezes at work. I feel like all I want to do is just... chill. I wanna have fun and chill out.

I feel like I am just so... fucking good at managing life, and I don't want to be anymore. I just moved again, and that's such a huge toll. My friend almost died, FUCK. I am doing what I can at work and I honestly hate that I'm so "qualified" sometimes - I wish I weren't. Where is my job where I can pay my bills, not feel like I'm dying, and am happy with it all? I am breaking up friendships, making new ones, learning what love can be, and learning what love is not. Trying to be stable financially, paying all my bills, eating, exercising, mandatory relaxing, seeing my friends, self-care, etc. etc. etc. Gah. Like... I need a vacation from everything. I need things to kind of just work out without so much turmoil, and I need a fucking break. I am so burnt out. Someone just take me away to a beach where we can just be hot and enjoy nature for like at least a week... or a month.

I'm crying again. I know I'm not a mess, but I feel like one. I wish none of it had happened like that. I really wish it hadn't. I don't care if that would make me a fundamentally different person. I wish my parents didn't do all that they did. I wish my exes didn't do what they did. I wish I were happy with just a Bachelor's degree - and then just gotten a job. I wish my brother were healthier back then - I was basically trying to keep him alive and half-assing my own health and schoolwork for most of my twenties. I wish I had more self-worth and the courage to walk away instead of begging for breadcrumbs. I look back at pictures of myself when I was in my early twenties - and I wish I could have told that person that YOU ARE A GORGEOUS TRANS NON-BINARY MAN WHO LOVES TO WEAR MAKEUP AND BE FEMININE AND PLEASE DUMP THAT PATHETIC MAN WHO LITERALLY CANNOT LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU WANT WTF. I wish I walked away from my ex/spouse earlier so that I wouldn't be so financially devastated and completely heartbroken. I wish they didn't yell and fight with me so much. I wish that I didn't know that emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse. I wish they loved me better. I wish they were nice to me. I wish I felt safe. I wish I didn't fall in love so easily, especially with people who do not have the capacity to fill my needs - and I wish I could have said, "Nope, I love you so much, but I am not going to continue for the potential of the relationship. I will set up boundaries OR leave because I know I deserve EVERYTHING. I love myself more." Wishing is garbage now.

I am completely remodeling my life. I'm doing it now. I know that I'm hella emotional. I know that I have skills. I know I have trauma responses, and I struggle to communicate. I know that I deserve a lot. I know I love to have fun and do stuff outside. I can face my fears. I can explore the world. I deserve to have my feelings validated (especially by myself). I don't need to justify myself for feeling how I feel. I can be rejected, and I'll be ok. I am not wrong to be how I am. It's okay to not be aligned with people or my job. I am literally dating amazing people who adore me - who, so far, can hold space for me. I am *healing* and working on things - it's an ongoing process. I don't need to be perfect to live this life. I can work on my goals and not feel bad that I'm not achieving them. It's okay if I lose my job - there are more.