#g*d i hope so

[fae-sodapop]

Oh I hate it, I hate it and I'm sobbing 😭.

So the whole concept of my "Lost in code AU" is using early/scrapped concepts that didn't make it into Undeetale!

Guys... I can't do fedora papyrus. I REALLY can't do fedora papyrus, please....

[shalom-iamcominghome]

If anyone is interested, please feel free to light a digital candle through Illuminate. I got a name a few years back, and it's a name I won't forget. May every name we have found be a blessing. May their names never be forgotten. May we never forget.

Never again means now.

[cringefailvox]

overlord husk aus are very interesting to me in part because they present such a radically different vision of the huskerdust dynamic that is very compelling to me. present-day husk and angel are exhausted. these are people genuinely at rock bottom, who have been so worn down and chipped away at by the long, dragging stalemate of their circumstances that they have nothing left to give but their bare minimum selves. which is okay, and it's enough for them; a lot of what makes their dynamic so interesting is that it's about two people at their lowest rediscovering what it feels like to not be alone down there, to even begin thinking about the possibility of climbing out of the deep dark hole they've made their peace with now that they won't be doing it by themselves.

in contrast, overlord husk aus imagine a version of husk and angel before they were losers together. they imagine versions of them that haven't been beaten down all the way just yet: husk at the height of his greed and power and reckless addictions, angel riding the high of his stardom while adamantly refusing to peel back the surface and acknowledge the rot. both of them still digging the hole and saying to themselves, "i've got a ladder, i'm not going to get stuck. i can always climb back out."

and having these two meet at this stage in their lives, i think they would really, really not make each other better. husk's consideration for the souls on his chain had to have been close to zero for him to use them as gambling chips the way he did, especially the recklessly self-destructive way he did that ended with his own soul in alastor's pocket. and i imagine that for a long time, angel lived in total willful denial about val's escalating abuse and the toll his increasingly demanding job was taking on him, because acknowledging it would be tantamount to making it real, making it something that could actually hurt him and not just be rationalized away, and so of course he'd put off doing that for as long as he could.

if husk had actually won angel's soul, it wouldn't have been any different from all the other people he traded back and forth across his table just for the illicit thrill of the game. angel probably would've had a whole sunk-cost freakout about it (what was the point of all that pain and suffering and lack of autonomy if all the consequences are coming from a stranger now and not val? when it isn't personal? and now he can't even claim a little bit of power back by saying he chose it, because he didn't.) angel knows full well what it looks like when someone is going to kill themselves with their addictions, but what obligation does he have to the guy who would just as quick give him up to somebody else if it gave him an adrenaline rush? nothing, that's what, and he has enough of his own problems anyway.

crucially, they're both INCREDIBLY self-absorbed. not even in a conceited or vain way, but just in that they're so wrapped up in their own mess that they can't see beyond it, they don't have any space for empathy, and furthermore, they have no reason to even try.

it's why the version of their dynamic we get in canon works so well—they're in the same place now, at just the right time to finally start opening up their worlds to how they affect other people (angel watching charlie interact with val at the studio; husk being forced by alastor to engage with the hotel's residents as the bartender). there's space for empathy in their lives now, because they've finally been brought so low that they can't hide anymore, can't look away, can't deny how completely and totally fucked they are. it's a kind of brutal honesty that can only really come from confronting your absolute worst-case scenario. but for them to even begin connecting with each other in any authentic sense, they needed to have the ladder taken away so they could finally bring themselves to stop digging, look up, and realize there's been someone down here with them all along.

[dingbatnix]

What do you do if your half dragon friend goes feral in the heat of battle?

Fucking run.

1 (you're here!), 2

Anyway I am loving this style rn. I have the colored versions too, which look dope, so let me know if y'all wanna see those too (the colored verz's will be after the comic is finished tho)

Taglist!

@brick-a-doodle-do @i-am-beckyu @da3dm @kayla-crazy-stuffs @local-squishmallow @skullsnbruises @munchkin1156 @gt-daboss

[buwheal]

hey spamton, do you know a place you can afford to get a decent meal NOT from the trash? you need proper nutrition.

[bathsebah]

[harbingersglory]

i know i said more dom!reader blah blah blah sorry arlecchino rotted my brain severely. tmasc bunny!arle giving me severe brain damage /pos

(he/him prns used for arle)

at a glance, the big ears and small puffball of a tail might temporarily make you think Arlecchino is far sweeter then he actually is. how could anyone who looked so cute be anything but, right?

but you know better. you serve under Lord Arlecchino - literally. tucked under his desk while he makes you slobber and choke all over his strap. you barely get to breathe with his hand fisted in your hair, keeping you right where he wants you. if you've been particularly exemplary on your little missions, he might even let you sit on his lap. though whether thats worse or not is debatable, making you cockwarm him as he works. and you'd better keep quiet, too. he's not above muzzling you or just straight up shoving his fingers into your mouth to silence you while you squirm on his lap.

maybe if you last until he's done he'll fuck you properly. bend you over his desk and pound your pretty little holes until you're unable to stand. he'll still make you clean up his strap afterwards, of course.

it's when he's in a bad mood that he really gets going. sheds the act of polite, dignified little bunny. no, he's here to break you in and use you like the little toy you are. and you'll let him, won't you? drooling all over his strap when he fucks your throat raw, drags you into the nearest room the moment he sees you to watch your eyes roll back into your head as his cock stretches you out..

he's just as much of a mess as you are when he's this pent up, though. he doesn't bother keeping up appearances when he just has some pent up stress to get out. if you could even think straight you'd notice his puffball of a tail wagging and his ears drooping as he ruts into you, panting and grunting against your ear when you cum around his strap for the tenth time. you could almost swear you heard him whimper, but you'll be in a world of punishment if you mention it the next day (he absolutely did).

[clownsuu]

Bro, MatPat just made a video about Welcome Home.

He's Found Us

nOOOOOOOOO I don’t want another “”“mascot horror turned children’s media””” I will fuggin C R Y if I see elsagate videos of WALLYYYYYYYYYYY S C R E A M S S. S S S S

[majorproblems77]

Sacred Realm updated which means im actually so excited to be making this omg

Hi there Sacred Realm fans! :D

It is I, the one who makes the analysis posts on various comics on the internet. (With permission course) Because I love doing them and they bring me joy.

If you are unaware of what Sacred Realm is, it's a Legend of Zelda AU about a new Link who gets a little medallion that makes him a badass, also it can hold the spirits of heroes from across the realms (Including my fave boy ever okay)

Before I begin, I'll get the important stuff done, This is done with permission from @zelda-the-sacred-realm, and all art from the comics belongs to the comic artist. Please do me a favour and go and check it out because it's a wonderful comic and extremely well-drawn and written.

Now, grab some popcorn, and a drink and please enjoy me rambling about a comic that I enjoy so much. :D

Lets begin!

First, some sass

Damn, possessed Link got a mouth on him. Low key I love him, he looks like he could go for round two like right now. Wouldn't be surprised if he went for the hero of time next.

My eyebrows shot up at this.

Time KNOW's

let me repeat that

TIME KNOWS. HE KNOWS WHATEVER IS IN THE MEDALLION CAUSING THIS.

(More on this later)

He knows he knows he knows he knows he knows

I can hear the mocking voice of Link while he is saying this. Time has experience with this particular entity before.

Okay, so here is when it gets interesting.

Possessed Link or this entity I suppose, referring to Time and in turn Hylians as 'Your Race' Tells me a couple of things.

This thing in the medallion isn't a Hylian spirit. So as much and as fun as a dark link theory is, I dont think it could be.

Time arguing that we're not perfect, again referring to Hylians sounds very much like an "I'm speaking with a god speech"

I present my theory on what is in the medallion.

An extra spirit, a god of some description, from the spirit realm. Out to get revenge on Hylians.

Time has been to the spirit realm, in his games. (I am under the assumption that those still occur in this canon please do correct me if I'm wrong here.)

I'm convinced that this thing in the medallion is a deity of some kind because of the eye colour. I can't get over it.

This style of blue, with no pupils.

We've seen it before.

On Hylia.

From Chapter 2 fate PT2

And here is the first time we see it on Link for comparison, With Sky's alongside him for comparison for what Hylian eyes look like.

From Chapter 2 Fate PT3

The colour isn't exact so it can't be Hylia herself I dont think, but, i believe that there is a spirit trying to escape the sacred realm and is using Link to do it.

Okay, enough of my conspiracy theories moving on!

Link you gotta wake up!

Sky thinks so, I love the coloured speech bubble, what a good idea.

OH BOY I LOVE THESE PANELS

You know those scenes in video games when you're fighting off something that's trying to possess you and you have that ominous-sounding echo that seems to reverberate through your head. But is also muffled at the same time?

(If I find a game example I'll link it)

This. Put that noise you think off over this.

KICK ITS BUTT LINK GET IT, GET BACK IN HERE.

These five panels tell so much when it comes to how much effort Link has to go through to fight off the medallion possession. I wonder if its going to be easier or harder for him to fight it off as he gains spirits in the medallion.

You can really feel his struggle and I just love it. The visual storytelling is incredible in this comic and I will fan girl about it all day because I just love it so much

I'm thinking he says this to gauge just how bad this possession is. time seems like the guy who would, especially as he already seems to know what this is.

I wonder if he really is the hero of realms?

Yes, Time. Yes, he is.

The face he dosent remember any time he's possessed by the medallion is a little worrying.

Makes me think that could be used later.

Like, Link dosent remember fighting this ice comet now. What if he fights an enemy while possessed, breaks the possession then has to relearn how to defeat it because as possessed link he's not gained any information.

Man Link is a cinnamon roll sometimes and I love him dearly okay.

Alrighty, thats me finished with my rambling. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this! And thanks again to @zelda-the-sacred-realm for the permission to do these i really appreciate it.

Please please go and check out the rest of the comic if you haven't it's amazing :D

Thats me finished for this chapter, so I'll be headed out!

Hope you have a wonderful day! :D

[fangsandsoftgrass]

Soft music and indistinguishable chatter filled the air around her as Cirwedh stepped onto the balcony of Beragon's townhouse, Gladriel in tow as the previous noise died down.

All eyes were on her as Beragon began his toast, and when they all called her name, one voice, in particular, caught her ear. Standing off to the side with his hands clasped behind his back was Fennorian, Ursilia standing beside him and conversing with some Skingrad noble the Count must have brought; glass of wine in hand. Their eyes met, and while the rest of the party faded they shared a moment of relief, having found each other amongst strangers. They would have time later, but Cirwedh could already feel herself being pulled in different directions as those gathered clamored for their chance to thank her. For what? they'd never remember.

Cirwedh weaved through conversational checkpoints like a needle and thread, exchanging clasped hands and well-practiced pleasantries until the sun sank low behind the trees, and the last few people trickled back into the townhouse proper (to continue the party somewhere with more food, she was sure). She had settled into a heated debate on the floor with Gladriel when the sound of her name caught her attention, just in time to see Ursilia close the door into the parlor. Fennorian was just as soon crossing the floor and pulling her into his arms. For a second, Cirwedh thought she smelled strawberries.

"I've been waiting all afternoon to hold you." the sentiment had her knees weak. As she pulled back to look him over, she noticed just how nice his clothes were. Fennorian had ditched the leathers altogether and instead opted for silken pants and a tunic, both dyed black and accented with silver closures that matched the coffin dangling from his neck. An almost opulent vest of deep maroon and scarlet florals brought it all together, visibly aged but still a fine piece of clothing. He noticed her staring and spoke up, "It was Verandis'. Seen plenty of court intrigue and ballrooms, I'm certain."

"And I thought I'd overdressed." A sparkling laugh spilled from her lips as she smiled and cupped his cheek with a sprouting hand. The only thing Alea had told her was to dress finely—well, as finely as she could, considering how she'd been covered antlers-to-toes in everything by the time she had returned to the city—so she draped herself in borrowed silk and leather, keeping it all on with living vines and the same blooming peonies she'd seen growing in the Skingrad gardens. Vibrant leaves and scars covered whatever skin was exposed, and beneath them lay enough freckles to make the stars envious.

"Considering some of the collars here were bigger than Glad's head, I'd say we're doing about average for this place." This earned a light chuckle. Somewhere below them, a gentle melody played, and muffled cheering could be heard from some other part of the city as people danced in the streets below. The arms around her tightened before releasing, and Cirwedh watched with a raised brow as Fennorian bowed deeply, eyes never leaving hers as he extended his arm for her to take.

"Would you give me this dance, Love?" a single pearly fang peaked from behind smiling lips. Small flowers crept up her antlers, and a deep blush settled across her cheeks as she took his hand and fell into his arms once more. The movements were slow and fluid, similar to a waltz she'd seen before in Alinor but never tried, and the setting sun painted everything golden as the stars shone like diamonds in the hazy dusk.

"I'm sorry I waited." She felt a pit of guilt begin growing in her gut. "I Saw Ursilia just standing there, and I think if I had gone over, she would have left with a few nasty scratches."

Fennorian sighed and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "I know she's told you she's using my guilt over the engagement—I'll take that up with her later—But we did burn a lot of profitable stock. The least I can do is make sure the vineyard's workers are properly safe." He squeezed her hand in assurance and pulled her closer before, somewhere in the distance, a loud snore from Gladriel interrupted. Laughing breathily as he held her near, Fennorian dipped down to capture her lips in a kiss full of love and shared longing. Yes Cirwedh had given some rather colorful opinions on the Lady, but here, on this balcony, she remembered why she'd put up with that blighted vineyard in the first place.

"If she takes any more than what is owed, what you feel is owed," her voice was a raspy whisper as she spoke against the soft skin of his lips, "I will turn her into soup." She pecked his cheek, mischief dripping from her tongue.

"I'm sure she would taste awfully bitter, my dear." His eyes glinted, reflecting in them a shared amusement as he shook his head.

"That is why I'll feed it to her, of course." her eyes wrinkled as she flashed her signature sharp-toothed grin.

Fennorian's chest rumbled against her with warm laughter as he spun her around and took her hands in his own, kissing her deeply once more. She had mourned the Paths not taken; it was true. But here, in the heavy, humid air that smelled of strawberries and peony, Cirwedh felt in the hands of her lover that she'd made the right choice.

IM FUCKING LOSING IT ANYWAY THANK YOU @saatoruus FOR ALWAYS SEEING THE VISION AND MAKING IT MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN I COULD EVER IMAGINE MWAH MWAH I LOVE U FOREVER

[elizaditton]

Too Small To Be Afraid (Chapter 17)

Cover / Master Post / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

I struggle to support myself on Derrick's shoulder as he walks. I was having a hard enough time balancing when he was sitting still, so trying to steady myself as he moves definitely isn't any easier.

As I hold onto my deskmate's shirt collar for dear life, I scan the horizon for any sign of that tree. Since I was always in Derrick's hands when he walked me home before, I was never able to see too much of the surrounding area. Now that I'm up here on his shoulder, I can see everything: stores, houses, cars, and of course nature. It's unreal seeing it all with my own eyes! But as I look around, I can't seem to spot that cherry tree.

Derrick wouldn't take a detour, would he? Since the apartment is so close to the school I highly doubt it, especially since he knows how in love I am with that cherry tree. But if we haven't taken a detour... why have we been walking for so long? I know I wasn't able to see much scenery before, but why don't I recognize anything at all?

"Here we are," Derrick says.

I gaze up at the blue house in front of us. This is not my apartment.

"Um," I start, "where are we?"

"What do you mean?" Derrick asks. "This is my house."

I nearly lose my footing when my legs threaten to buckle beneath me. He took me to his house?! For the party?! Why?! What happened to asking my dad first and helping him with... that thing?!

Panic sets in as my deskmate reaches for the front door. What should I do?! I can't stay here!

"W-wait!" I stammer, hoping to get Derrick's attention.

"Yes?" He asks, a note of confusion in his voice. "What's wrong?"

"I-I— um, I think there's been a misunderstanding!" I blurt out.

"A misunderstanding?"

"Y-yeah, I... didn't think we were coming here. I thought you were taking me home."

Derrick rubs the back of his neck. "Oh. When I asked you before we left, I thought you said you wanted to come over."

My heart sinks. "I-I don't remember," I utter, my core twisting and tightening at my current predicament.

"I'm sorry," Derrick says. "If you want me to, I can turn around and take you home."

"Are you sure? You wouldn't mind it?"

"If you're not ready for this, I don't want to push you," he says as his brows turn upward.

"Then could you—"

Before I can finish answering, the front door opens.

"What's the birthday boy doing standing around out here?" asks a woman with long, wavy brown hair and big green eyes.

"Oh, we were just— I mean, I was about to—" Derrick stammers.

"Well, don't just stand there," says the woman, smiling warmly. "Come in, come in!"

The woman grabs hold of one of my deskmate's hands and pulls him into the house. The unexpected movement causes me to stumble, but Derrick catches me in his free hand before I fall and holds me close to his neck. My heart pounds and pounds in my ears as heat radiates from my reddening cheeks. I thought we were close before, but this?! This is a little too close!

"Mom, I need to—" he starts. "Hey, what's this?"

When Derrick pulls his hand away from me, I scramble to regain my composure. Once I'm able to balance myself on his shoulder I look around the room and see it's decorated with balloons, streamers, and gifts. There's even a banner that reads 'Happy Birthday John And Derrick.' I blink, cocking my head to the side as I read the sign. Who's John? My eyes widen and my heart bangs against my ribcage. How many more people are coming to this party?!

"Don't go thinking I wouldn't decorate just because your brother's not here!" Derrick's mom exclaims.

I forgot Derrick has a twin brother who's away for university. As curious as I am to see how alike the two look, I'm relieved to have another perthean out of the picture.

"Right," Derrick says. "Anyway, Mom, I need to take—"

"What do you think?" His mom asks, clasping her hands together. "I know yellow is your favorite color, so I tried to use as much of it in the decorating as I could."

"Um, it's great! But really, I need—"

"What time are your friends coming over again?"

"5:30. Which is why I need to hurry and—"

"And who's this?" The woman says, leaning towards Derrick's shoulder with her eyes fixed on me.

A shiver runs down my spine as I struggle to think of something to say. "H-hello, m-m'am," I wave.

"This is Kaylin, my deskmate," Derrick says. "And I need to take her home."

"Home? But you just got here!" Derrick's mom says with a frown.

"Well, yes, but I was only... I mean, I just wanted to show her where we live. It was on the way," my deskmate lies.

"I see," the woman says with a smile. "Well, Kaylin, you're welcome to stay if you'd like! I'm sure your deskmate would enjoy your company on his special day."

Guilt builds up in my chest. What was I thinking letting Derrick walk me all the way back home? And on his birthday, no less! He should be using this time to prepare for his party, and here I am forcing him to deal with me. Should I really be treating him like this?

My heart sinks when Derrick turns to leave. This is my last chance. Can I really do this? Will I really be able to make it through this party?

"Hey," I whisper.

Derrick stops in the doorway. "Yeah?"

"It's... okay," I mumble. "I'll stay."

"You will?" Derrick says, his eyes wide and a smile spread across his face.

"Mhm," I hum, although something deep down inside of me still wonders if this is really a good idea. "I think it would be fun to... hang out with you. Outside of school, that is."

Derrick looks down, his grin stretching from ear to ear. "It means a lot to me that you'd say that. But Kaylin," he says, shifting his gaze back to me, "are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I... um," I think for a moment, unsure of what to say. Am I really ready? Do I think I'll be able to handle this? "Well, I don't know. But what I do know is that I want to be here."

"Okay," my deskmate says. "But only if you're sure."

"Don't worry. I'm sure." I say, although the doubts running through my mind don't make me feel sure at all.

What if Derrick misplaces me in such a big house? What if a ton of people are coming over and he forgets I'm even there? What if I get stuck somewhere? What if someone doesn't notice me on a table or counter and I'm knocked around or squashed?

Anxiety wells up in my core as Derrick turns around and closes the door behind him, sealing my fate.

"Oh?" Derrick's mom pipes up from in front of the kitchen sink, where she's begun to wash dishes. "Change your mind?"

I give a shaky nod from my place on Derrick's shoulder. "I-I thought I might as well stay, since I'm here and all."

"Wonderful!" The woman smiles. "Make yourself at home! If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know."

"Th-thanks," I stutter.

Mrs. Drake's brows turn upward for a moment as she smiles. As she returns to washing the dishes, I can't help but wonder if she's caught on to my fear. I need to get a hold of myself! I can't keep stuttering like this! I don't want anyone to think I have anything against pertheans!

"Derrick, honey, don't you want to change into something more comfortable before your other friends come over?" My deskmate's mom asks.

Derrick looks at me with worry in his eyes before looking back to his mom. "I don't exactly want to leave Kaylin alone. Since she's already here, I mean."

"She won't be alone. I'll be right here the whole time," Mrs. Drake beams. "And besides, I'd love to get to know her!"

My gut twists into a knot within me as my arms and legs begin to shake. Left alone with Derrick's mom?! How in the world am I going to handle that?! I immediately start to regret my decision to stay at this party as Derrick raises an open palm to his shoulder for me to step onto. Taking a deep breath, I release my grip on the collar of his shirt and carefully inch towards his hand. I don't know how I'd ever live it down if I stumbled in front of another perthean!

My deskmate lowers his hand onto the kitchen table, and I somehow manage to step onto the hard surface without flailing around much. A hollowness suddenly overtakes my core like a punch to the gut as Derrick removes his hand, leaving me stranded where I stand. The table is much lower than the average balcony, and my head starts to spin as I crane my neck back to look up at my deskmate from the wooden surface.

Noticing my struggle, Derrick crouches down in front of the table. Now he's the one looking up at me, but his size is still so overwhelming to me. He's just so... big. His face nearly fills my entire field of vision! I back up a bit, clutching at my skirt as anxiety floods my nervous system. He's so close. We were close before when I was on his shoulder and when he held me to his neck, but... this is just different. And I'm not so sure I like it.

"Will you be okay?" Derrick whispers.

I let out a deep, trembling breath. "I-I will be. You can go."

When Derrick stands to his full height, I don't dare look up at him again. I keep my head down as my heart pounds and pounds in my chest, begging me to find someplace to hide. Once Derrick leaves, the sound of the running faucet is all that fills the room.

I spin around and see Mrs. Drake continuing to work on the dishes. If I'm lucky, she won't say anything, and I'll only be waiting a short while for Derrick to come back. I figure this is as good a time as any to let Dad know I won't be home for a while. I pull my phone out of my skirt pocket and slide over to my text conversation with him. I write what comes to mind.

Won't be home until later.

I pause. What am I supposed to tell him? Do I really tell him I'm at my deskmate's birthday party? That would be a huge win in his book. I can picture my dad now gloating about how he was right in sending me to Pacific. I shake the thought away and add to the the message.

A friend wanted to hang out.

I gulp, silently hoping he won't ask any further questions, and send the message. It takes a moment, but eventually I get a single thumbs up emoticon in response. I let out a sigh of relief.

"So..." Mrs. Drake says as she glances over her shoulder at me. "Kaylin, right?"

"Mhm," I nod.

"And you're new to Pacific?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She hums in response, returning her gaze to the dishes in the sink. "And... have you always lived in town?"

"Actually, I just moved here. I was born and raised in Maedri," I answer.

"Oh, Maedri!" Mrs. Drake says with a wavering tone. "I heard they have a bustling undercity there."

"Y-yes," I stammer, "it's pretty expansive compared to Chancelor."

A moment of silence passes us by. I watch quietly as Mrs. Drake sets various plates, bowls, and utensils on a rack to dry.

"It would be easy to live entirely underground without ever seeing a perthean then, wouldn't it?" She finally asks.

My heart sinks. What's she getting at? "O-oh, I guess so," I say.

She hums again. "And... might I ask what brought you to a school like Pacific?"

I swallow dryly as my legs quiver beneath me. What am I supposed to say to that?!

"U-uhm," I start, begging my voice to come out without any more stutters, "my dad wanted me to go to his old high school."

"Ah," the woman says. "And would you say you're... handling everything well?"

She has to be onto me. Why else would she be asking me all these questions?

I'm about to answer when I hear footsteps approach from behind. Finally.

"Sorry I took so long," Derrick says, emerging from the hallway. "Kevin and Brittney are on their way, I just got off the phone with them."

As I turn around, my eyes take in every aspect of my deskmate's attire. Jeans and sneakers, a striped yellow and white t-shirt, and a gray and yellow jacket. He's dressed so... casually! I stare down at my school uniform. I feel overdressed.

Derrick chuckles at the sight of me. "Sorry you didn't get to change," he says. "Do you want to take off your blazer?"

I think about his question for a moment. I tend to feel safer with more layers on, like I'm wearing some kind of armor to protect myself from danger. Although, I don't want to risk wearing my blazer to the party and getting it dirty somehow. And maybe it's just because I'm so nervous, but it does seem to be getting hot in here despite how much cooler it typically is above ground.

"Where should I put it?" I ask, removing my blazer and letting my arms breathe through my white button down shirt.

"May I see?" Derrick asks, approaching the table and placing his hand in front of me.

I reluctantly lay my blazer atop my deskmate's fingertips, and he pinches it between his thumb and index finger before lifting it high up to his eyes.

"Wow," he whispers.

My entire body is immediately overcome by a hot flash of some kind, and I begin to tremble where I stand beneath my looming deskmate.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that!" He stammers as his face reddens. "It's just that it... and you... I mean, it's just really tiny. Not that you're... that. I mean, I would never—"

"I-it's okay," I interrupt. "I know I'm... short."

Derrick seems to relax a little at my words. He sighs. "Anyway, there's a place for this right over here," he says, carrying my blazer to a coat rack beside the front door. He hangs it on a smaller arm that seems to be designed for human items. "There."

They have a spot for human items on their coat rack? I thought for sure nothing in this house would be fit for a human!

"You look confused," my deskmate states.

I straighten my head and unfurrow my brow. "I-it's just... I didn't think you'd have something like that here."

Derrick looks back to the coat rack. "You mean a coat rack? Doesn't everyone have one of these?"

"No, I mean that," I say, pointing to the smaller arms. "Why do you have a spot for human items on your coat rack?"

"For human guests! Why else would we have it?" Derrick asks.

My mouth hangs agape at my deskmate's words. I thought items like this were something I'd only ever see in the movies! I didn't think pertheans would actually include items in their homes for human guests! Come to think of it, I didn't think pertheans would entertain human guests often— yet here I am.

"You think this is special?" Derrick laughs as he approaches the kitchen table and pulls out a chair to sit down. "Wait until you see what else we have!"

My mind swells with wonder and curiosity at the idea of there being other human-friendly items in this house.

"Derrick, honey," Mrs. Drake says, pulling me from my thoughts. "What would you like for dinner tonight?"

My heart skips a beat at her words. How could I forget about dinner?! My body trembles at the thought of sharing dinner with— who knows how many people? No, how many pertheans?

"D-dinner?" My deskmate stutters, his eyes widening with surprise.

"Yes, dinner! You said this morning you'd have to think about what you wanted and that it depended on whether or not one of your friends was coming."

Derrick turns to look down at me, his face a bit pale. "Oh yeah, um... one girl has a few allergies, but... she isn't able to make it."

"So what did you decide on, then?" His mom asks.

"Um..." Derrick starts, his brows upturned and his eyes focused on my quaking frame. Suddenly, a smile appears on his face as he turns back to his mom. "You know, actually, we won't be hungry for dinner. We all had big lunches at school."

Mrs. Drake folds her arms, tilting her head to the side as she narrows her eyes at her son. "Do you really expect me to believe that? You know, the last time something like this happened—"

Derrick abruptly pushes his chair away from the table and stands from his seat. "Mom, can I speak with you for a moment?"

Mrs. Drake nods, letting out a sigh and following my deskmate down the hall.

What's going on? Why is Derrick trying to avoid having dinner so badly? Could this be about me? What does his mom mean by 'the last time something like this happened?' Is Derrick going to tell her about my fear?

Although I know it's rude to eavesdrop, I can't help but try to listen in on the two pertheans' conversation. All I'm able to make out is some harsh whispering, interrupted by the occasional 'why.' At one point I hear Derrick whisper, 'just give me some time!'

As the duo emerges from the hallway, I try my best to look like I wasn't just poking my nose where it didn't belong. I try to ease my tremors by rubbing my arms, but it doesn't help much as Derrick and his mom resume their previous positions in the kitchen. Derrick's mom flashes a polite smile at me, only to immediately turn away and resume drying and putting away dishes. What the heck happened back there?

Bing-bong!

"Oh!" Derrick says, standing up again and heading for the door. "That must be our other guests!"

I gulp and wipe my shaking, clammy hands on my skirt. The party's about to get started, and there's no turning back now.

[chaosduckies]

Restoration (Chapter 13)

The last chapter is here everyone! In honor of pride month, I give you this. This amazing chapter that is easily one of my favorites to write. I hope you all enjoy! I promise these two won’t be gone for forever though :D

Word Count: 3.6k

CW: None!

———13———

Four Months Later

———Nathan———

I stared up at the stadium lights above while the school principal and superintendent were talking to the many parents sitting in the stands. I wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying. Something about our class and graduation. I didn’t care all too much. Only that I could go home after this and wake up the next morning without having to worry about school ever again. 

Ryker kept me cupped in his hands much like the other people sitting beside him were, waiting until we could get up and receive the piece of paper that officially states that we’ve graduated high school. As soon as the many, many speeches were done, they finally started letting the rows in front of us stand up and walk up the steps to the removable platform. 

And soon enough, it was our rows turn, walking in a single line, and getting handed the piece of paper. I held mine close, smiling the entire way back to our chairs. I did it, mom. All of this was for her and dad in the first place. Though, I would’ve never seen today if it weren’t for Ryker. 

We moved the strings attached to our caps to the left while everyone started cheering loudly. I had to cover my ears while I laughed and looked back up to Ryker, who was laughing and waving to his siblings that were in the stands. Today was a great day. And a sad one. Tomorrow I would wake up the next morning and have no one to talk to. But that was okay. I shouldn’t bother Ryker anymore. No matter how many times he’s made me laugh even after my mother passed away. No matter how many times he’s given me almost exactly what I’ve needed for so long, I knew today would be the last day I would get to talk to him. 

Everyone had started to head home while Ryker met up with his siblings, getting hugged and congratulated. I did too, just minus the hugging part. It was hard to have a smile on today since my mom was supposed to be here, but I did anyways. I just hoped she was looking at me right now. 

“So I’ll see you at home in a few?” Jasmine asked, taking Isabelle’s hand and giving me a teasing side eye. Apparently everyone alone with her was worried about me after what had happened and just tried their best to help me out. They knew what it was like. And now, Jasmine doesn’t glare at me anymore or give me empty threats. If anything, she’s the complete opposite of what I first thought of her. We’ve become pretty good friends. 

“Yeah.” Ryker replied, waving them off while walking back into the school and letting me slide off his hand. What was he doing? 

“Hey, um, wanna just change back into your clothes? I’ll take you back after.” Ryker told me as I nodded, heading into the nearby restrooms to take off the black gown and fold it neatly into the cap. I sighed, getting ready to say goodbye to him in just a few minutes before he drops me off at the bus stop. 

I walked back out, seeing that he had already folded his clothes nicely and put on his signature hoodie. I climbed back onto his waiting hand as he grinned. That was… interesting. What was happening? I didn’t know, but I just carried on, still saddened by the thought of saying goodbye. 

We walked outside the school, walking down the sidewalk, but not taking the turn to the bus stop he usually does. I looked up at him worriedly, “The bus stops over… there.” I pointed back to the street as he just innocently smiled at me. Oh. Where was he taking me then? I wasn’t too worried honestly, but still. I wanted to know. 

After about a silent ten minute walk with no sound except the crickets and faint cars in the distance, we had arrived at the same coffee place he had taken me to months before. Didn’t he say he works here? 

“I thought you were taking me back home.” I told him, confusion lining my voice. He shook his head, “I said I’d take you back after. I never said after what.”  

There was a loop hole? Why were we even at this coffee shop in the first place? I couldn’t exactly argue with him, and I didn’t exactly mind it either. It just means I get a few extra minutes before leaving. How could I argue with time? I didn’t know whether to like the fact my heart was beating faster and faster, or to hate it. All I did know was that I was excited because he wanted to spend the last few minutes of the night with me. 

We sat down at the exact same table when we had first came here. There were a few people, some even talking with the workers. I sat down at the human-sized table on top, facing Ryker while he scooted all the way down. I bit the side of my cheek as a woman with the cafe logo on her work outfit came with a notepad. Ryker laughed and greeted her like they were best friends while I didn’t pay attention all too much. I guess Ryker noticed and ordered for me. He knew what I liked anyways. 

“Everything okay?” Ryker asked, his smile slowly falling as he lowered his head to get a better look at me. To be honest, not really, but I wasn’t going to let him worry about me anymore. Again, I can’t keep leaning on people. 

“Yeah,” I nodded my head, “What are we doing here anyways?” My voice came out a little mumbled, but Ryker heard it all the same.

“Graduation present. For the both of us I guess.” Ryker shrugged his shoulders, but I could tell he was hiding something else. I had no idea, but I guess I’ll figure it out. Plus, I didn’t even think about bringing a present for him. Was I supposed to? No, no time to feel guilty. 

The lady came back around again, handing us our drinks and telling Ryker that she’ll see him tomorrow night for work while he laughed and nodded. I don’t know why I felt so insecure right now, but I just did. Instead of dwelling on that, I took a sip of my hot chocolate and stared out the small window next to us covered by fake vines and flowers. I wish I had more time… 

“Nathan?” 

I jumped at the mention of my name, nearly spilling some of my drink on me. Ryker chuckled softly above, a slightly sad smile on his face. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re jumpier than usual.” His free hand cupped behind me, but never touched. What was he trying to do? I have zero idea, but I shouldn’t waste what little time I had. I didn’t want him to leave. But I knew he would anyways. Maybe it would be a good thing if he does? No, no it will not. It really wouldn’t be. 

“Yeah, I promise. I’m just a little tired.” I shrugged it off, taking another small sip. Ryker did the same, looking outside the small window. I sighed, internally crying while watching a few people walk on the sidewalk outside. Didn’t Ryker have to get home? It was already about to be ten, and we were getting drinks and sitting down together. Shouldn’t he be with his family? He just graduated too. 

“What are you gonna do now that we’re out of high school?” Ryker asked, setting his cup down and resting his head on his crossed arms in front of me. I fidgeted a little before sighing and shrugging my shoulders, “I didn’t h-have a plan. Just get a job and hope for the best?” I nervously laughed. 

“What about you?” I asked, seeing him think about his answer. 

“Watch my siblings? I, um, can’t exactly go to college if I still have to watch over everyone.” Ryker laughed sadly. My heart sank. That’s not exactly fair. I think he deserves to go to college if he wants to. If I could I would help him, but I already know he wouldn’t let me. He’ll be leaving soon anyways. I’ll just be another name he remembers after today. 

“I-I think you should.” I cheered him on while he blinked a couple of times, laughing along with me. 

“Thank you, but It’ll be hard if I go. I can’t keep up with everything all the time.” Ryker replied, trying to hide the sadness in his voice. My heart throbbed. If only I could help. But I was just small. I mean, I can’t even get around their house anymore without any help. What makes me think I can handle taking care of five other kids while Ryker was focusing on college? I breathed out a shaky breath, my slightly trembling hands reaching for the little mug filled with hot chocolate. Just a few more minutes. Just a few more minutes before all of this goes away.

It stayed silent for a while. Be both had finished our drinks, there were only three other people here besides us to in the café. I didn’t want to leave. I did all of this for my parents, and now it’s going away. I made friends, I graduated, heck, I’m not even that scared of giants anymore. Well, maybe a little, but I was more talking about Ryker and his siblings. But I did all of this for them because they wanted me to live a normal life, and yet, I still can’t. What do I do? 

“Nathan, are you sure you’re okay?” Ryker asked again, pushing his cup to the edge of the table. 

“Mhm.” I nodded my head, doing the same as him and trying my best to keep the smile on my face going. 

“Would you mind if I take you to one more place? It’s like a five minute walk from here.” Ryker asked, a slightly worried expression on his face. I shook my head, standing up out of my seat and waiting for Ryker to do the same. I climbed onto his waiting hand, sitting in the middle just as usual while I tried not to look down at the terrifying drop below me. I sighed, bringing my knees closer to my chest and burying my head. Did it really have to end? 

——————

The walk was short just as he had said. It was a tiny park. It looked sort of abandoned. The grass looked like it hadn’t been cut for a while, there were some short vines latching onto the poles of the swing set and little parts of the slide. The lights were dim here, but it felt nice. The slight breeze that just barely ruffled my hair, how quiet this place was. How come no one fixes this place up? I feel like more people would come here if it looked a little nicer. 

“I know it’s nothing special, but my parents used to bring me and my siblings here almost everyday after school,” He breathed, crossing his legs while sitting on a nearby bench, “It doesn’t look perfect, but it still has some great memories.” 

I looked up, seeing how he smiled while looking at the park that was now covered in overgrown plants. My face heated up as I caught myself staring, turning back around and studying the sight. It doesn’t look bad at all. I liked it here. I liked everywhere Ryker has taken me. To that café, the little store that we went to just a few weeks ago, here. I sucked in a shaky breath, wiping away the loose tears that fell down my cheeks. I won’t get this feeling anymore…

“Ryker…” I tried my hardest to say it without him catching on that I was holding back tears, but of course he knew. He always did anyways. 

“What’s wrong?” He held me a little closer to his face. I just shook my head, making sure he wouldn’t be able to see the water in my eyes. What was wrong with me? Why was I even crying? 

I shook my head, biting the bottom of my lip. Why did he bring me here? Why did I say yes to this even? Why was I holding back my tears? I’ve tried preparing myself for months. I knew he was going to leave, and I’ve accepted that fact. So why was it so hard to believe it? 

Ryker cupped his hand a little more. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I don’t care. I was going to cherish what little time I had left with him. He’s given me these happy feelings I haven’t felt in such a long time. The memories. Why did it all have to be stripped away from me again? 

“Hey now, it’s alright, it’s alright. What’s going on?” Ryker tried comforting, a bit of a worried expression on his face. A couple tears fell down my face as I prepared my question that I needed an answer to. 

“A-are you, um, g-going to l-leave me?” 

A few second of silence was thrown between us as my heart threatened to jump right out of my chest. Ryker blinked a couple times before a soft smile appeared on his face, “What makes you think that?” 

My heart was beating faster. Was that a yes or a no? I couldn’t tell. I brought my knees closer to my chest as I searched for my response. I was terrified. Not of Ryker, but of what the answer to this question. But my mind was already set on his answer, and I knew it could be entirely true. 

“B-because I’m… me? I-I’m small and insignificant to you. Y-you don’t need me.” I buried my head again, covering my head with one of my arms and listening for his response. I didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to hear the words. Could I reverse time? Change everything that I’ve done to get to this point? Maybe then this wouldn’t be so hard. 

“I don’t remember saying any of that,” Ryker held me a little closer, “Nathan, little guy, it’s okay. I promise I don’t think anything like that of you. I’m not leaving, okay?” 

My heart stopped beating for a second as I peeked out, seeing his trademark smile. He meant it. He really did. I wiped away my loose tears, a nervous smile on my face. Now I was embarrassed. This was dumb. I was just being dumb. I thought I was getting the hang of controlling my thoughts, but apparently not. But still, my heart was beating fast. I was relieved at his answer. 

“Well now I f-feel stupid.” I softly laughed, facing him while on my knees. I stared down at his palm, trying to calm my own heartbeat down. It wasn’t really working, but Ryker was just as patient with me as he always has been. 

“It’s not stupid. I get it. A lot of people leave after they graduate. It’s fine.” Ryker explained, sighing and leaning back into the bench we were both on. I did the same, still wondering what we were doing here. My heart was still beating fast, but I finally had my answer, and that’s all I needed. Nothing else. I wouldn’t be alone anymore. Or at least for now. 

“Nathan, could you turn around real quick?” Ryker had asked, fixing his position a bit. I did as he asked, almost immediately met with his lips softly being pressed against me. I fell on my back from the slight push, my cheeks flushing a bright red and my heart somehow beating faster than before. It was over before I knew it as I quickly sat back up, my body a little shaky as my hand went through some of my hair, a little surprised at the gesture. Did Ryker just kiss me?

My cheeks flushed a deep red, seeing Ryker a little worried but also blushing just as much as I was, “S-sorry, I-I’ve never… kissed a human. I-I, um, didn’t hurt you, right?” 

A little squeak came out of my mouth. He kissed me. What do I do? Does that mean he likes me? I’m so confused. I mean I liked him. A lot. Am I mistaking my feelings for friendship? If that were true then why was my heart beating right out of my chest? Why was I blushing this much? I’ve never felt like this with anyone in my entire life. All I knew was that kiss was probably the best thing I’ve experienced in my entire life. 

“N-no.” My voice came out like a whisper as I tried my best to stand up on wobbly legs on his hand. I bit the side of my cheek  wondering if this was the right move, but all I knew was that this is what I wanted. All along. The way my heart would flip every time he said my name, or the way he would smile at me and his siblings. I was just so confused about it. 

Ryker was confused at what I was trying to do before I stood on my toes, trying to return the gesture, even if he can’t feel it. He lowered his face as I planted a short kiss on his lips the same he did to me, hoping he would get it. My legs gave out on me as I backed away, seeing Ryker bite the bottom of his lip soon after he felt me back away. 

I couldn’t think of anything else. Did he even know? Instead, a happy smile formed on his face as I tried to hold back a little laugh. I can’t believe we just did that. I can’t believe that this was even happening. This could all be some happy dream I’m having, but I knew it wasn’t. It felt real.

“I’m not… dreaming, right?” Ryker had asked, his face still a flush of red that was slowly going down. I shook my head, my heart beating amazingly fast. Good to know I wasn’t the only one who thought they were dreaming. But what do we do now? I’ve never been like this before. 

“Do you want to go to your house now?” Ryker had asked, pursing his lips as he planted his shoes on the ground, getting ready to go. No. I didn’t want to go to my house anymore. 

“Y-yours?” I smiled, in hoped that he’ll say yes. He laughed and nodded, taking the sidewalk back to his house. 

——————

The lights were off in his house as he quietly walked to his room. He placed me down on his nightstand where all of my makeshift stuff was. He never threw them away. Just for me. What are we now? Are we still friends? I don’t even know how this works. 

Ryker took off his hoodie, put on different shirt before turning on his lamp on his desk and turning off his lights. I stayed where I was at, wondering what I do now. I’ve never been in a relationship before. I don’t know how these things work. I don’t even know what to do. Was that bad? 

“Are you tired?” Ryker asked, sitting down on his bed while moving the covers and pillows to the way he likes. I shook my head, I wasn’t really, no. Not after what had just happened a few minutes ago. I was still a little confused, but at the same time happy. He really wasn’t going to leave me. 

“Well, I’m not really either.” Ryker laughed, bringing two fingers up to the part of his lower lips that I had kissed. Or at least tried to. I blushed a little. Was that bad? 

I climbed onto Ryker’s offered palm as he sat up against the head of his bed. I was covered by one of his hands like a blanket while also laying on his chest. Oh my heart will never get a break today- But I wasn’t saying that it was bad. If anything, today was the best day of my life. Nothing could change that. 

“Comfy?” Ryker laughed as I listened to his heartbeat, controlled and normal unlike my own. I didn’t know how to deal with any of this. I just snuggled up closer, hoping that it was fine. I was guessing it was when Ryker slid down, his head now resting on a pillow and his legs bent. Who knew that about a year ago I would have thought this was crazy to even think about doing, and yet, here I was. I was actually happy.

“You wouldn’t mind if I moved you, right?” Ryker had asked a hint of worry in his voice. 

“No.” I answered, getting in a better position for him to move me in. I would move myself if I had known where he wanted me, but anything that I was thinking of was not what he was thinking. And it only made my brain fry for just a few seconds. 

He lightly pinched me between two fingers, giving me another lighter kiss that practically covered my entire body before laying me back down. He laughed while I laid there, brain fried and flustered. I giggled a bit, snuggling closer and shutting my eyes. I’m glad to know that he likes me the same way I like him. 

Maybe I don’t wish to reverse time after all. 

——————

*Starts crying uncontrollably*

Thank you to everyone who’s read through all 13 chapters and stuck with me for so long! I appreciate every single one of you❤️

My first story is done though! Just in time for pride month too if you know what I mean :D Don’t worry, because I will definitely write some little scenes with these two in the future. How could I just throw these two away? NEVER.

Thank you everyone for reading, and I hope you enjoy whatever the next story will be. (I totally don’t already have characters and done some world building-) But thank you everyone!

Taglist: @da3dm

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.

This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.

This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.

But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.

I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.

I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.

I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.

I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.

[nero-neptune]

shout out to this movie for teaching me how to spell words that i've never found the opportunity to use in real life lol

[clearcatastrophe]

MINA AND JONATHAN’S “I will” IN SYNC I SHSHSHJSJSJSJS

GOD IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM

[deus-ex-mona]

she’s so proud of herself…