#funny that the show shows you that even murderers with good lawyers will eat shit if theyre cocky enough

[columboscreens]

[armpirate]

Smut

Crack

Criminal jk

Humor jk

Rich jk

The female lawyer who need to babysitting jk so she can control for being stop at ex crimrnal

Can that be a hot and funny one show or whatever you choose?

Am always your number 1 fan

Well, I hope this was what you were asking for!

Devil's law || Jungkook

pairing: RichCriminal!JK x fem!reader || Criminal x Lawyer

w.c.: 7.1k

Warnings: MINORS DNI. smut, explicit content, mention of drugs, female masturbation, oral sex, teasing, unprotected sex

Aprox. time of reading: 31 minutes

MASTERLIST

I don't give a fuck about you anyways

Whoever said I gave a shit 'bout you?

You looked at your phone, knowing that his name on it only meant bad news. Ever since your friend suggested you as his lawyer, your job became more meaningless. You went from being an upstanding lawyer, who hadn't lost a case in two years, to becoming a rich boys' babysitter only because he wasn't able to control his impulses.

Jeon Jungkook was the Antichrist made person, your biggest nightmare and, possibly, your karma for being Judas in your past life -because there was no other reason you'd deserve to go through all the headaches Jungkook had put you through in the two months you'd been working with him.

His case grabbed your attention when you were first offered the job to defend him. You hardly ever were on the wrong side of the story, but there was something in that job that kept pulling you in. It could be how his life seemed to be brought straight from a movie.

His charges went from being caught driving under the influence of drugs, exhibitionism, damage of public domain assets... even attempted murder against his father. You remember watching his story on the news, and just clicking your tongue and shaking your head at the exuberant confidence he radiated as he walked down the stairs out of court with a smirk on his face. And it was of no surprise. After he managed to prove he wasn't the one guilty of his father's death -even after he was proved, and admitted himself, he had been feeding his father poison for days-, he turned twenty million dollars richer. It was never proved his father's narcolepsy was due to the substances his son was giving him secretly, so they all decided to leave it as a death caused by the car accident he was in.

And after he managed to dodge all that -or pay his way through all the trials-, he ended up on house arrest after he was caught with his hands on tax fraud. It wasn't an easy trial. You remembered how hard you had to play for it to work out. The judge wanted to eat Jungkook alive, and he probably would if it hadn't been for you and your years of experience.

It was a promise of good money, with the easiest of the jobs you had to date. The only thing Jungkook had to do was to stay at home, behave, and just let those seven months pass.

Little did you know that man was a pain in the ass.

The first time your phone rang with a cop on the call, because his monitor beeped after he tried to leave his home, you could understand where it came from. It wasn't knew, it could've been something difficult to understand for him... But the sixth time the call made no sense. You could only sit back and see how he wasted money on paying those cops to turn a blind eye and ignore what he was caught doing.

You saved him from jail, but you weren't sure if that was what he wanted.

His smirk infuriated you. You drove through the rain and wind, worried about him getting in trouble, only for him to look peaceful and proud of having you there. Although the boil of your blood was only shown with a roll of eyes and a twist of your lips.

"Look who came to visit me, Bobby"

That sentence alone was the most surrealistic thing you had heard. Not even you knew the name of that cop, but Jungkook for sure did. He had to. It was the only way to gain the confidence and appeal to their corrupt side.

At first, Jungkook tried to escape -saving his ass by saying he wanted to visit a friend and he wasn't aware of the bracelet having to remain around his ankle-, he just wanted to outsmart everyone and be free. But when you showed up every single time after that single call, rushing inside his place while looking for him, it unlocked a new need he didn't know he had. You kept feeding his ego, making him feel important, due to your expression turning more concerned every time you crossed that door.

And your outfits didn't help either.

Those tight dresses hugging your curves, or those buggy shirts at the top that exposed some of your cleavage were driving him insane.

He was sure he was already going crazy inside those four walls, but you were only making it worse for him.

Your red leather bag was thrown lazily over the wide armchair that led the living room, strategically positioned between the entrance and the coffee table to mark the beginning of his living room.

"I thought I was clear the last time" you tilted your head, squinting your eyes in a failed attempt to intimidate him. "Is it that difficult for you to behave?".

"I told you last time not to leave me alone" he insisted.

Oh, right... that dumb idea he had of you living in his mansion.

You had enough going there whenever his monitor made the alarm jump, the last thing you wanted was to be looking after him as if he were a little kid unable to follow simple orders. Although, now that you were thinking about it, Jungkook was indeed a 5 year old inside of a playboy's body.

He hissed at the cop, whose eyes only moved away from him to sneak on the edge of your dress down your knee. The middle aged man was alarmed, quickly turning his head back to his ankle before he finally got up from the floor.

"I'm sorry" you mumbled.

"Sorry?" he scoffed, walking past you "This dude is making me rich. Every time I come here, I'm closer to buying a new car".

Those were his last words before he left you two alone again, with Jungkook's eyes possessively moving over your body, playing with his lip rings.

"Is it so bad for you to stay here?"

Your head fell back with your ironic laugh vibrating through your throat, unbelieving of that question making its way out of his lips as if it didn't have an obvious answer "I don't know if you're aware that I'm your lawyer, not your babysitter".

You wanted to say you had a life outside of your job, but that wasn't entirely true. You loved your job, to the point that it cost you several relationships -and some other friendships-, with your sexual life being a non-existent topic for months for you.

"I don't understand what I can or can't do with this thing on my ankle" he pointed at the bulky black device, with an intermittent red light, around his ankle ", but you do understand".

"Anyone would think you'd have a master degree on it after being explained so many times" your hands found a place on your hips.

"Are you saying I'm making it ring on purpose? That's a serious accusation" it was the way he faked to be offended by you, and how he smirked immediately after his own comment. "It was an idea" he shrugged.

His gasp sounded heavy when he got up from the couch, walking to you like a predator towards his prey. You were in his territory, but little did he know you weren't intimidated in the slightest.

"I'll pay 10k more" he suggested, making you chuckle with his idea. "I see... 20?".

"Whatever you pay, it's not gonna happen" you cut off any chances before they were even possible.

Jungkook stepped so close that you were sure you could smell his cologne by just breathing, feeling how it touched your brain with such care that you were convinced you were going to pass out while you struggled to keep your eyes on him.

His hand felt warm as he supported it on the backrest of the armchair, allowing himself to bend a little more towards you to leave your lips centimeters away from each other "What's not gonna happen?".

Instead of playing coy, or feeling lost at his words, you smirked back at him, mirroring his pose to only witness his smile going wider and more mischievous. Jungkook was a sexy man, there was no doubt about that. And soon enough after you started working for him, his surroundings didn't take long to find a way into your life, letting you know of all the rumors that surrounded him. You heard all the wrong, just a little of the good, and enough of the things that had you squirming in your bed just by imagining him doing them to you.

He was the type of man you'd spend a good night with -if only he wasn't your client.

"The only way to keep you still here is tying both of your hands somewhere so you don't move".

"Why don't you tie me up somewhere and make sure I don't move?".

"Good night, Jungkook" you moved away, holding onto your bag as if that would save you from losing yourself to him, while your feet tried to find a quick escape from the small espace his living room had become. "Behave, can you?".

"Are you leaving already?" he sounded sulky, pouting his lips while making his piercing stand out even more.

"Don't you see?"

"It's raining"

"You didn't think about that when you caused me to come here in the first place" your tone sounded annoyed.

"It wasn't raining as hard"

As much as you wanted to fight back, he was right. In a matter of minutes, you could hear the drops crashing violently against the big windows to the small parking lot in front of the facade. And, as much as his house was soundproof, the roaring of thunder still was heard as a background noise that made you jump unconsciously. Adding that it was two in the morning wasn't a good mix.

As much as you were still determined to leave, it seemed like the universe had other plans for you when the power went suddenly off.

"The power went off" Jungkook casually pointed out.

"Yeah, I see"

"Well, better said, you can't see" your eyes rolled with that joke, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked around, finding out that it was brighter outside with the casual lightning than inside. "Wait, does this mean it isn't working now?" Jungkook pointed at his ankle.

"It goes by GPS, and I guess you plug it daily, it's still working as if it would regularly".

It wasn't your problem, you weren't forced to stay. But something behind that question made your stomach squeak, knowing that you'd be forced back in a matter of minutes the moment you crossed the door.

"I thought these devices worked with..." his gestures among the darkness made you frown, only being able to see them waving in the air, "you know".

"Maybe twenty years ago. But you're tracked either way now" you sighed. "Can you light up the fire? As much as I like not seeing you, it's difficult to have a proper conversation like this".

Jungkook didn't fight to hide his victorious smile after your petition, walking among the darkness to the fireplace that led his leaving room to, at least, bring back some clarity in the area.

The dim lighting gave it a warm and intimate vibe, while casting flickering shadows around the room, working with the sound of rain and occasional thunder to make it, somehow, that type of aesthetic video you'd find on her Youtube feed to relax herself after a tough day at work, lying in her double bed, while ignoring the big mess her studio was. That atmosphere made Jungkook look even more attractive, while wearing his pair of baggy jeans and oversized t-shirt, that marked his hips whenever he turned enough to pick the firewood from the small basket at his left.

"Did you have a date?" he randomly asked as you approached his couch.

"Why?" you looked around, slowly sitting on the extreme of the plush sofa.

"It's two in the morning, you're looking hot as hell... I doubt you use that dress as a pajama" subtle dimples showed up on his cheeks with his smile, feeling deeper by the shadows.

"Yup, a date with thirty files I didn't have time to classify yet" you mumbled, leaving your bag at your right, over the armrest.

He was pleased with the answer, and he wasn't bothered to show it. His smile widened with your answer, and his body seemed more joyful as he got up from the floor to walk to where you were sitting.

"Do you want something to drink? Water? Wine?"

"I don't drink while I'm working" you stopped him before he could further suggest anything else.

"Well, technically, you aren't working" he tried to convince you. "You only came here because of the monitor, and it's solved. Now you're staying because of the rain, so let's say it's just a major event forcing you to stay".

You didn't confirm it because you knew it was impossible, but it almost seemed as if Jungkook had full control of his surroundings to give you where he wanted.

"A glass of wine will be fine" you finally agreed.

While looking around, you noticed the small details you had always ignored whenever you were there. Like the way the room featured a warm and cozy ambiance, primarily due to the large brick fireplace which serves as a focal point -and that was then lit up to illuminate you two-, and strategically combined with a floor that appeared to be hardwood, adding a touch of elegance and warmth -while being partially covered by a large, neutral-toned area rug. The room had the perfect balance of modern and rustic elements, creating a stylish yet comfortable living space ideal for relaxation -which was ironic, because that was the most nervous you had ever been.

His walk was confident, carrying the two glasses of wine before he sat next to you on the couch, so close that you could almost have your knees touching. You didn't move away though, thrilled by the tickles in your belly by the proximity.

"I'm not sure if I should drink this" you randomly commented when he passed you the drink.

"What I said on that trial was taken out of context" he tried to defend himself. "I said I had been feeding him pills so he wouldn't suffer, not that I was adding poison to everything he drank or ate. He knew about those pills, because they were part of his medication".

"Right... " you squinted your eyes, waiting for any signs on his body language that could give out more than what he was saying.

Choosing to play it safe, you left the drink back on the table, resting your hands on your crossed knees as you looked around.

"I don't know what's worse" he suddenly said. "Interrupting a date, or knowing you were still in the office".

"We both know you wouldn't feel bad about interrupting a date" you mumbled, letting a sided smile decorate your face.

"That's right" he didn't hide. "But I don't understand what you were doing stuck in the office, instead of going out".

"The legal sector is really competitive" you admitted, crashing a scoff before you took a sip of your drink. "Either you're born with money to buy your way to the top, or you work your ass off for it. And I'm clearly in the second group".

As much as you were in a stable position, and you earned your money, it wasn't always that way. The beginning was tough, you kept moving from one firm to another, earning as much experience as possible so you could live the way you were. Not only did you have to add double the effort, you also had to sacrifice a lot from your personal life, which majorly included those casual dates you managed to have in your uni days.

"I don't expect you to understand what that is though".

"Wow, that comment..."

"Is it a lie?"

"No, but I feel offended for some reason" you allowed yourself to giggle lowly.

"You were born with it, yet you still find a way to test life instead of just enjoying your privileges" and that was what pissed you off the most about him.

You were so harsh with him. And, for some reason, that attracted him even more to you, unaware of when he started moving forward to close the distance between you two enough to breathe each other's air.

"Well, it seems like testing life has given me the best of the chances".

His eyes shined with a spark that turned everything upside down in your head, mixing your needs with your own warnings, trying to fight how bad you actually wanted to kiss him when the lip ring was able to shine through the corner of your eye.

"Is that a line you usually use?" you fought back, lifting your eyebrow.

"I'm pretty good at that, but it's not the case this time" he admitted. "You truly drive me insane, Y/n. Ever since I saw you walk through that door to prepare for the trial the first time. I've been unable to get you out of my head" his voice sounded deep, while his eyes moved down your lips to go back to drown into your pupils. "You're one hell of a woman. Just imagining your hair being spread all over my pillows is enough to have me on a twist".

Your lip was unconsciously trapped under your teeth, holding back your breath when you imagined the scene after his words. Was it something you didn't think about before? No. But there was something in the tone of his voice, that had you pressing your thighs under the tight dress you were wearing.

"So you want me?" in an attempt to fake some control, you moved forward.

"Honey, if I answered that question, I'd have to prove it by humming it on your pussy. I'm a man of action, rather than words".

It was the first time you felt so wanted by someone, to the point of them opening up that way to confess how they felt about you. It was also the first time you felt your skin burning the way it was, desperate to take off your clothes to set you free from the blistering sensation.

It could be that all the time you had been alone played a big role in your decisions, it could be Jungkook was a hot man and you fell for his enchants. It could be a lot of things, yet you didn't mind either of them when you closed the distance to link your lips together.

His palm felt soft on your neck as he curled his fingers to pull you closer, parting his lips to suck your lower lip and pull from it in such a sensual way you thought you were melting on the spot.

No wonder there were so many stories about him all around. That man knew how to kiss.

Jungkook was surprised when you moved first, but he was completely gone when you took the initiative from him, tilting your head to slide the tip of your tongue inside his mouth. He couldn't control the groan that had been burning his throat ever since you first kissed him, feeling his eyebrows furrow and his muscles going completely tense with such a gentle rub.

"You're all I ever think about, honey" he mumbled against your lips, taking the chance to deepen the kiss when he trapped you again.

You pushed him against the couch, straddling his lap while pushing your hair away from your face to look at him in the eyes.

"Why don't you tell me what you think about?".

Your arms were on both sides of his head, your dress was lifted to your hips -enough to expose the black tongue you hid under the fabric-, yet the only thing you could care about was how hollow his voice sounded while he told all the dirty things he had imagined with you.

"You want me to be honest?"

"The most honest you can be"

Jungkook smirked when given the green light to set free all those thought he had kept as a secret ever since you crossed paths "Remember the first time you came here. You were wearing a white shirt, and a pencil skirt that molded to your body so good it made me jealous. When you started handing out that script for the trial, your cleavage showed off a bit" his groan interrupted his explanation, feeling dizzy for a second when you pressed your clothed pussy against his crotch. "I had never in my life dreamed of some tits I haven't even seen, but I promise I couldn't stop thinking about them. How hard your nipples would feel against my tongue, how tight they'd press around my cock, or how good they'd look while bouncing while I fucked you".

Your hips started rocking against his semi hard cock, feeling your juices leaking down your hole, only stopped by the thin fabric of your thong that kept getting soaked with each move you made.

"And your ass..." before he continued, his fingers dented on the skin of your ass cheeks, pressing them together as he helped you hump him. "I couldn't stop thinking of it jiggling while you rode me after I first saw you in court. I had to ask for your name and number after I saw you. Shit, I even had to send the blonde with the annoying voice to get you to work with me".

Your movements suddenly stopped, the blush on your cheeks slowly disappeared, and devastation took the main role in your features when you realized what happened there.

You didn't get that huge case because your resume was brilliant, but because you became part of the horny fantasy of a spoiled asshole who managed to get your friend to convince you. And it went deeper than that. The man in front of you went the lengths to find out who you were, learnt about your closest people and got you exactly what you wanted. You failed to follow your values, you were clumsy enough to almost go to bed with a client -when it was something you strictly forbid yourself to do-, and only because you allowed yourself to get fooled by his sweet words.

"Where are you going?" Jungkook was confused at the sudden change of opinion, watching you hopping off his body to place the skirt of your dress back to where it should have been the whole time, while walking away from the couch.

"This should've never happened" you assured him, walking to get your bag.

"But it has happened" he insisted, frowning at your denial.

"Don't touch me" you warned him, raising your index finger, before his hand could even approach your forearm to calm you down "I have a lot to think about".

Jungkook didn't insist, he knew when it was time to give someone their own space, and how distressed you were was a clear indicator of how that wasn't the time to put his needs over yours -mainly because it'd only do things worse for the two of you. He only saw you go, crashing your heels against the hardwood, until he heard nothing at all other than the door closing.

His patience didn't last much though.

A day later your phone was overwhelmed by his calls, and several of his texts, which you could only fight to ignore as you tried to focus on your work. A failed attempt, because you could only think of him.

Your range of patience wasn't too wide either after a few days, with a dry and clear text that warned him how you were considering passing his case to one of your colleagues so your personal issues wouldn't get in the way of your work.

Unexpectedly, his calls and texts ended, he stopped insisting. Willing to respect her boundaries, he just moved away from her, aiming to maintain that professional relationship you said you wanted to have. It was her choice, and he wasn't going to force her into doing something you didn't want to do.

Yet, far from being relieved, you were left disappointed with his attitude. And that confused her even more. Before that night, you didn't see Jungkook as anything else but one more of the big range of clients you had, and you thought it'd go back to being like that after you ignored what happened that night. But Jungkook worked like a drug. One try, and you were completely hooked.

Your mind replayed that night in his house several times a day, the scenes of what could've been kept torturing you. Jeon Jungkook got control of all of your senses, and you weren't even trying to fight it back. You liked those thoughts, you liked the thrill the image of him caused.

And all of it annoyed you.

For the first time in months, you left work at time to go on dates, to get rid of the remains of his toxic details, only to come back home even more disappointed than before.

And that night was no exception.

You were looking at your phone, puckering your lips at the on going sex talk conversation you had going on, balked to realize it caused you nothing. His words didn't make your blood run through your veins, it didn't give you the rush Jungkook made you feel as you grinded on his pants... There was nothing.

Your fingers worked in automated mode, sending a pic in lingerie, thinking that would change the mood of the conversation to the one you were looking for, although you were left confused when the notification asked whether you were still there.

Double checking the chatrooms, you couldn't believe what you had just done.

The phone slipped your fingers towards the bed, as you covered your mouth in surprise of how out of yourself you were to do something like that.

Jungkook: I see you're finally aware you can't get away from me.

Not only was she clumsy enough to do that when she was supposed to pretend he didn't exist, she was grateful to have been that clumsy to cause that text from him -even if she was fighting the air while whining about it.

"What did you just do, dumbass?" you cried, covering your face with one of the plushy pillows that adorned the head of your bed.

It could've been something easy to ignore. It was just as easy as ignoring his texts again, and moving on with life as if that pic had never existed, but life was a big bitch to you when you needed the most to be treated nicely.

That same route you walked several times with superiority and professionalism was turned into a walk of shame, with your lips pressed against one another and your head hiding behind your locks with every step you took.

You were left confused when you saw Alan Jones engaged in an entertaining conversation with Jungkook. He was part of one of the direct competitors to your law firm and, more specifically, he was the person you confronted the most in court, unfortunately. He made your sweat go cold, knowing that the trial would be one of the hardest in your career because of how good he actually was.

And now you were seeing him laughing with one of your most important clients, who only offered a quick glance in your direction before he looked back at the suited man.

"Am I interrupting something?"

There you were again with one of your beautiful skirts, that time being a blue long pleated one, which you managed to combine with a simple white t-shirt. Even if you didn't want to, Jungkook was sure you were able to interrupt everything around you by just being present.

"No, we were actually waiting for you" Jungkook mentioned.

He silently led the way for you two, inviting you inside an improvised meeting room -that you could clearly tell it was meant for something else when you saw how off the setting looked compared to the rest of his house.

If you thought your blood was going to stop running when you saw Alan there, you confirmed it would when you saw your boss sitting in one of the extremes of the table.

"I'm holding this meeting, because I was considering working with Alan's law firm" Jungkook casually mentioned, as you took the free spot next to your boss. "That's my spot" he corrected Alan, who moved his body to the chair in front of your boss, so Jungkook could sit in front of you.

"And why's that?" you dared to ask.

"He came to me with a good offer" Jungkook shrugged.

"It'd have been great if you had told me before calling me for this meeting" you hissed, trying your best not to jump over the table to kill him.

"You've been so busy lately, I wasn't sure you'd be able to pick up my calls"

Your jaw was clenched tight after that comment, knowing of all the second meanings behind it.

"Why the change?" your boss rushed to ask. "Aren't you happy with Y/n?".

Your body jumped when you felt the tip of his shoe moving up your shin, lifting your skirt on the way while he reached your inner thigh. "I was really happy with Y/n" you gulped thick when he only teased you, moving his feet everywhere but the place where you wanted him, "but, as you know, this is a relationship of two".

After dragging your chair closer to the table to hide what was going on underneath, both of your elbows took a defensive spot on your side of the table, using your hands to cover your lips. There was a moment you went momentarily deaf when the tip of his shoe caressed you over your panties, making those known shiverings run over your body violently.

"Are you okay?" Alan managed to ask, aware of the weak blush that was starting to tint your cheeks.

"Shocked. I'm shocked" your thumb moved over your lip, before you hid your mouth again. "What made you believe I wasn't happy with your case?".

Careful not to hit your boss with your knees, your legs spread, earning a smirk from him. Adopting a confident pose, he sank his body deeper on the chair to be able to reach further, pressing his sneaker on your clit.

"I didn't see you comfortable".

It pissed you off to see him so relaxed and calm, while you were struggling to keep your shit together with every rub of his feet on your button. You could get caught, you knew that could cost you your career, yet you still played along because you liked how good it felt, you liked seeing how proud he looked when he noticed how slick your underwear was becoming.

His explanations turned into a simple move of lips, and the response from your boss was a blank noise that couldn't distract you from the knot slowly forming in your belly.

"Can we speak in private" you interrupted, before it could grow any more.

His movements stopped, and Jungkook went back to his initial pose, lifting his hands in resignation while you hurriedly got up after fixing your skirt. The other two men in that room were expecting you to either give up or insist on keeping that client, but Jungkook knew where that conversation would go as soon as that door closed.

"I thought you said you were going to respect my decision" you mentioned in a low tone. "So your solution is to call that asshole to replace me? And what's this meeting for, huh?"

"I was going to respect your decision, but then you sent that pic..." he quickly defended himself. "And since I doubt you sent it to confuse me or make me jealous, it clearly was for someone else. And I can't tolerate that" he twisted his jaw, finally getting up from his place. "It better have been a pic for me only and not for another person".

"It better had been?" you scoffed. "Who the fuck you think you're talking to?"

"Last time I sent you anything was six days ago" he slowly pointed out, "so it's a bit difficult you accidentally sent that pic to me if it was meant for someone else".

"It was a mistake".

"Is that the only word in your vocabulary?"

"When it comes to you, yes" you challenged him.

It was a mistake from you ever thinking you'd have any control on a situation that involved Jungkook. His aura was way bigger, those were calm waters for him, and he knew it, it was all over his body language and the way he looked down at you.

"Be honest with me, alright?" the way he pinched your chin to look up at him almost made your legs turn to jelly. "How did that pic end up on my phone?".

It was unfair how he was using the techniques you used in court against you, manipulating you with his insistent gaze.

"It was a picture for someone else" you admitted. "I didn't send it to him though. I ended up on your chat, and I don't know why I thought I was on his chat instead".

"You wanna know what I think?" his lip ring bulged out when he pressed his lips together. "You wanted me to see that picture. You wanted to admit you want me as bad as I do, yet you're so proud and stubborn you'd rather die waiting than correcting yourself" the truth in his words made you even more nervous.

"Jungkook, this can't happen... I..."

Your words got stuck in your throat when he trapped your mouth violently, sucking your upper lip first, and then moving onto the lower one. He moved, and you just followed. You walked blindly wherever he guided you, until your lower back hit the edge of the table.

"I'll fuck you into realizing you're only mine" he roughly said when he broke the kiss. "And, why not, let me fuck that pride out of you as well".

"My boss it's outside" you tried to stop him when his hands sneaked under your skirt.

"Then I'll need you to be really quiet".

His smirk was so addictive, that you were willing to do anything he asked you right there. The fabric of your panties slid down your legs, with the cold breeze hitting your core and making you squirm at the contrast.

Jungkook was attractive every day, his sex appeal radiated through each one of his pores, but that day he was at his peak. He knew what he wanted, he knew how he wanted it. He wanted you, on that desk, and you were going to give it to him.

His cock twitched under his boxers when he took your panties to his nose to be intoxicated by your smell, and you didn't know how to react to the way your body squeaked at the sight of his eyes turning black after that.

Your skirt was lifted over your pelvis, sticking it to your body as much as possible when Jungkook sank to his knees in front of you, turning your spine into boiling grit when the tip of his tongue pushed your swollen button with a groan. And that one was followed by another one, and another one, and another one... until you tried to move his face away from you, only for Jungkook to stick your wrist to your thigh.

"Ask nicely, and I might do it".

You tried to fight it. It was a challenge. You only had to wait for Jungkook to get tired of only sliding his tongue up and down your folds, and twirling carefully the tip around your clit. But you also weren't good at remaining patient and dealing with the nervousness it caused you to know there were two people outside.

"Jungkook, please" you tried to stop him.

"Please, what?".

"Fuck me".

"That's not enough" his lips twisted, not completely convinced with your words.

Grabbing him by the collar of his gray t-shirt, you forced him up at the level of your face, making sure he was looking at you in the eye while you spoke.

"Jungkook, fuck me right now" you demanded. "Because, if you don't fuck me here, I'll be the one fucking you on one of those chairs".

After his jeans and boxers were wrapped around his ankles, he slid his tip through your folds, feeling your warmth and wetness welcoming him, while your feet were resting at the edge of the table.

Jungkook was gentle and careful on his first thrust. First, letting his thick tip break into you, followed by the rest of his length until he was balls deep in you. And it sure felt better than he imagined, feeling in paradise when you wrapped around him tight, swallowing him in.

All your hair in your body raised as he invaded you inch by inch, feeling the fullest you had been in months, feeling the most wanted you had ever felt in years when your eyes met before he started moving again.

His big hands grabbed your thighs, spreading them a bit more and raising them up enough to leave your feet hanging in the air, completely in control of what he wanted to do with you, before he started pounding in and out of you with a, almost, relaxing movement.

"Honey, just for keeping your pussy away from me for so long I should be fucking you so rough and loud that you aren't able to keep your shit together".

And you knew Jungkook was able to do something like that.

"But I'll be a good boy for you, hmm?" you could only nod senselessly, not knowing exactly what you were agreeing on. "Just like you're being a good girl for me".

Your teeth were clenched tight when his thrusts were calm, yet so deep and harsh that you could feel your whole body bounce and move a few centimeters away, before he dragged you back to the initial position.

"You have no fucking idea of everything I will do to you now that you're mine" he promised under his breath.

"Any weird fantasy I should be scared of?" you tried to sound confident, but your shaky breathing exposed how rushed you actually felt.

"I'm spending twenty four hours inside this place. Every single day I come up with a new way to have you" he bent down to rub his lips against yours. "This is just one of them".

His thrusts changed the speed immediately after, changing the position of your legs to place them over his shoulders, hitting you deeper and strategically better when he angled his hips, rocking his tip against that rough spot that had your toes curling inside your stiletto. In that same position, you also managed to find a way to press your thighs enough to cause some friction on your clit, losing control of your body, throwing your head back and closing your eyes as the moan was burning your throat like lava.

As you held onto the neck of his t-shirt, Jungkook found a way to keep you quiet so you wouldn't have to struggle. The dorsal of his left hand blocked those moans from coming out. At first you were able to control yourself, only sucking on his hand while your watery eyes looked at him through your lashes. But as your orgasm was approaching you, the little control you had over your body disappeared, biting onto his thin skin to keep all those moans and whines only for you two.

As much as he'd have loved to hear your moans, he loved how expressive you turned while being forced to stay quiet. Pleasure was on each corner of your face, present on every feature; you showed him how good he was making you feel.

The continuous muffled moans, the tight clench you had around him, and how your eyes kept alerting him prepared him for your climax, keeping the speed just to take you there, and follow right after you when you gulped him in like you never wanted him to leave, at the same time your eyes went completely blank.

He spilled on you, painting your walls with his seed to let you know you belonged to him. As much as you fought it, there was no escape from what happened. Your days of running away were over.

While you tried to recompose, Jungkook put your panties back on, securing his load where it was before he helped you down the table. He knew you'd feel it leak out , he knew your head would only replay what just had happened, and he was sure it'd only lead to you wanting more.

He was going to deal with it either way. There was no point of rushing it, because you'd probably find out as the meeting went on and you could only fight a way to find the right posture until it ended.

You woke up in his bed, with the sheets barely covering your naked body while your head was sunk in his pillows. Ever since that day, you kept scolding yourself for fighting against what you wanted. Jungkook was the best experience you had ever had. He was sexy, but he was also attentive and sweet when you needed it. He was funny and entertaining. He was a man who knew how to keep people hooked.

You frowned when you noticed something strange around your ankle, feeling it bulky and rough, and cold, when you moved your tip toes over it.

It couldn't be...

Your heart almost dropped to your feet when you saw that red light inside the monitor, making you wonder how the hell he managed to place it there. And, when you unlocked your phone and read his texts, you could make a lot of sense out of it.

Jungkook: It'll be only for a few hours. I needed to get out of there for a few hours.

Jungkook: But it should also work as a punishment for flirting with that attorney in court, when your attention should've been only on me. Especially since the trial was ABOUT ME.

Jungkook: I'll be back before two.

You couldn't believe what you were reading. But one thing was for sure: you were going to kill him as soon as he set foot back in his house. 

[lovelylogans]

honey, you’re familiar (like my mirror)

see other chapters, notes, and warnings here!

chapter four: symbiosis

symbiosis: interaction between two different organisms living in close physical association, typically to the advantage of both.

VIRGIL

“Uh,” Virgil says, scrambling in the face of his mother—hair wrapped for the night, blinking the sleep out of her eyes, her arms crossed, “My—myself?”

Technically true, he guesses, according to some of the sensate’s personal beliefs about the connections they share with their clusters, according to Logan according to Dot. Like having other selves scattered across the world.

Andisiwe frowns. “At this time of night?”

Virgil shrugs weakly.

She frowns deeper. Then:

“You know,” she says, looking at him very intently, “your grandmother used to talk to herself at all times of day, too.”

Virgil stays silent. His mother crouches to sit with him on the floor, settling with a long sigh.

“About anything at all,” she continues. “She’d talk about the snow when this country hadn’t seen snow for ten years. She’d laugh when no one told a joke, cried when nothing sad had happened. She’d make recipes I’d never heard of before. You remember her pitha?”

Virgil nods, confused. Of course he remembers her pitha. They’d have it at every large family gathering.

“That’s an Indian dessert. She’d never left South Africa in all her life, but she knew how to make pitha and speak Tamil like she was born in Bangalore. Just like you were speaking a language other than Xhosa or English just now.”

Oh, Virgil thinks, then, oh.

“So unless you started taking language lessons while studying for your doctorate,” she says, staring at him.

Virgil chews at the inside of his cheek.

“No,” he says hoarsely. “No, I didn’t.”

She nods, accepting this. “How long…?”

“I don’t know,” Virgil admits. “A week and a half? Two weeks?”

“Not long at all,” she murmurs. “ I suppose it might skip a generation. She told me once it started when she was a child. A horrible headache struck her, and once it let up she had seven new friends all around the world. When they were all ten, maybe.”

Ten, Virgil thinks, mind whirling. God, to deal with all this at the age of ten?

“Sensates,” Virgil croaks. “We’re called sensates.”

His mother offers him a smile. 

“I know,” she says. “Tell me about them.”

“One’s here,” Virgil says, and he looks at the big, tall, tattooed man. “I don’t think I got your name last time.”

The man walks from his plush apartment rug to sit on the hardwood floor. 

“Patton Taumata,” he says with Virgil’s mouth, offering a bright smile to Virgil’s mother, sitting beside him. “Māori, New Zealander.”

And then Virgil feels what Patton does next—pull seems too strong a word, but it’s the closest he has.

Sitting across from him, looking vaguely disgruntled to find himself on the ground, yet still sitting at his desk in his home office.

“Janus Slange,” he says. “London.”

He slides out of Virgil’s body to find a spot to sit that’s a bit more refined.

Patton turns his head, and Virgil turns his gaze to follow.

“Roman Regio,” the actor says, looking up from his script to gesture beside him. “And my brother, Remus. Who is currently on his way to Mexico City, which he should have done as soon as he got accused.”

“This is such a dumb plan,” Remus groans, resting his head simultaneously against the bus window and Virgil’s bed. “I want all of you batshit hallucinations to know that I don’t come up with plans this stupid. My plans are refined in the way they cause utter chaos.”

Sitting in his bed in the barracks and beside Virgil, so close their thighs almost touch, giving Virgil a thrill that shoots all the way to his fingertips—

“Logan Zieliński,” he says to Virgil’s mother, careful to sound respectful. “I was just here. I’m Polish, but I’m currently studying in Antarctica. Space research.”

They’re here. All of them here. But Virgil sees Patton reach again—

EMILE

—and Emile beams at the sight before him. Patton turns to grin at him.

“Well done!” Emile says, filled to bursting with pride. 

Patton! Reliably being able to pull them all in to visit together! That kind of skill—coupled with the fact that Patton, back in his apartment in Auckland, is peaceably planning lessons with a sitcom in the background—can take other sensates months of practice to truly achieve. 

“Is this your mother?” He asks Virgil.

Virgil says, “Um, Mom, my—cluster parent?”

Emile makes an eh handwavey gesture followed by a thumbs-up. “Whatever you’re comfortable with, I’m comfortable with!”

“—is here right now. His name’s—”

He speaks at the same time as Emile does.

“Dr. Emile Picani, hi there—!”

“—and he’s American.”

Virgil’s mother’s brow wrinkles in distaste, but she does a good show of trying to hide it.

“That’s fair,” Emile says. “Americans are—well, y’know. You’ve seen the news.”

“This is my mother, Dr. Andisiwe Nkosi. My grandmother was a sensate too, apparently.”

“Oh, that’s lovely!” Emile exclaims. “There are sensates within biological families, of course—” he gestures to Roman and Remus, “—but things are still up in the air about if and how being homo sensorium passes down.”

“Dot said the number of sensates is rising due to epigenetic factors,” Logan says.

“Oh, you’ve met Dot!” Emile says delightedly. 

“She answered many of the questions I have,” Logan says, and for a blip, they’re all sitting in the barracks in Antarctica as Logan reaches for a notebook and pen. “But I still have many questions.”

“Entirely understandable,” Emile says.

“Wait, you got your questions answered?” Roman demands, and they’re all sitting on Roman’s apartment’s massive balcony overlooking Mexico City. “I just got this one—” he points accusingly at Janus, “telling me hey, surprise, you’re not actually losing your shit!”

Janus shrugs, and they’re all surrounded by monitors, blinking with so many different points of data it makes Emile a little dizzy. “He just showed up in the mirror while I was shaving.”

“Well,” Emile says, and they’re all in Emile’s apartment at home. Emile puts a kettle on the stove. “I’m here now. So what questions can I help you answer? Or, at least, activate the Archipelago to get some kind of answer for you. If you can think of some kind of subject, there’s probably a sensate that knows something about it, but I suppose we should probably start with the sensate-specific questions.”

Remus puts up a hand and asks, loudly, “Can I use the psychic connection with other sensates to have some kind of insane worldwide orgy?”

ROMAN

Sasha is out for a key art photoshoot, so Roman has the whole apartment to himself. Which is good, because he got a bit busy last night with the whole explanation of what exactly it is that’s been happening to him, and then yelling in disgust when Remus asked gross questions about it.

Roman’s considering if he wants to paint his nails—it’s not like he can keep it, if solely for movie continuity—just to have something to do with his hands when the door cracks open.

And in steps Remus—absolutely filthy, staring at Roman incredulously, a fake mustache plastered above his real mustache that he immediately rips off.

“It worked,” Roman says gleefully. “It worked!”

“First of all, cops ain’t shit, I probably should have expected literally every police officer to sleep on the job when seeing someone suspicious board a bus, but Jesus fuckin’ Christ, your security munches ass,” Remus declares, “They let a murderer get into your apartment.” 

Roman bursts out laughing.

“It’s not funny!” Remus says, pulling off the fake beard he’d donned. “It took five pesos of stolen fake beard and mustache to fool everyone, are you fucking kidding me—?!”

Roman slides off the couch, gripping his stomach, he’s laughing so hard.

“What?!” Remus demands, throwing off the overly large trench coat he’d been huddling under.

“You,” Roman wheezes, then, “you said the plan was stupid and it wouldn’t work—!”

“It is stupid! I come up with way better plans than this, you’re telling me that you came up with the stupid kid movie plan and I didn’t?! And it shouldn’t have worked—Roman, stop laughing, your fangirls are fucking batshit crazy, could you imagine what kind of weird Wattpad shit they’d get up to if they knew how easy it was to break in here?!”

Roman is screaming with laughter, because literally all they needed was a fake mustache and beard, and ooh Roman can tell that Remus is pissed that Roman came up with this plan first because it’s such a perfectly Remus plan. He isn’t sure how much of it is a sensate thing versus a twin brother thing, but all the same, Roman knows that Remus is absolutely fuming, which makes it even funnier.

Remus storms off, shouting, “Just for this, I’m going to use up all your fancy shampoo! I’m going to take the biggest, nastiest shit in your bathroom! I’m—I’m going to eat all your soap! I will! I’ll do it! I’m eating all your soap!”

LOGAN

It’s still a little startling to look over at his notebook and suddenly find himself in South Africa, but he’s gotten a little more accustomed to it since the night before. He’s been feeling a pull to South Africa all day, like an ache deep in his chest. He isn’t entirely sure why.

Virgil glances over at him and smiles, just a little. Logan smiles back. Virgil clears his throat and returns his attention to the textbook before him.

“Roman’s plan worked,” he says. 

Logan huffs, shaking his head. Honestly. It’s like those American movies when three children stack on top of each other and wear a large trenchcoat and a fake beard to gain access to the movies, but it actually worked. 

In retrospect, Logan’s sure that Remus would have foregone his escape into the wilderness if he’d known that donning a disguise and having his rich brother pay away the arrest troubles and their psychically connected lawyer argue before the court would have worked so neatly.

However, considering that nearly every aspect of that plan is absolutely off the rails ridiculous, the escape into the wilderness must have seemed like a prudent measure to take at the time.

“How’s your research?” Logan asks, sitting down on Virgil’s bed. 

“Pretty good,” Virgil says, his tone very casual. “I think the fact that abrus precatorius—”

“The scientific name for rosary peas,” Logan assumes. He is rewarded by a nod from Virgil.

“—isn’t native to Mexico and the fact that Remus hasn’t traveled for years on end is a pretty good basis for Janus to go on. Plus, abrin—”

“The toxin?” Logan clarifies and receives a nod.

“—is incredibly toxic, to the point where anyone ordering rosary peas would probably get pinged under some kind of monitoring system. So there wouldn’t really be a way for Remus himself to get them. Miguel Contreras, on the other hand—”

“The murder victim?” Logan says, startled.

“Yes—on the other hand, he went to Florida very recently. He got back three days before his death, in fact.”

“I thought they were native to Asia and Australia?”

“Yeah, they are, but rosary peas are an invasive species, and they’ve been clocked in the pine rocklands there,” Virgil says. “Symptoms usually occur pretty quick, but it can take up to five days to show up, depending on the method of ingestion. And considering the seed of just one pea could be fatal…”

“Then the cause of death could very well be found in Florida!” Logan says. “And the only thing they have on Remus—”

“—Are threats, exactly,” Virgil says enthusiastically. “And considering the way Remus is as a person, Janus could probably get those hand-waved away as being under jest, rather than an actual threat to kill him.”

They smile at each other again, Virgil’s lips twisting wryly. 

“I’ve been wanting to visit you all day,” he says abruptly, and Logan feels that flutter in his stomach again, the one he’s been feeling since they first met; he’s willing to admit to himself that it most certainly isn’t unease, now. It is a near antonym of unease.

“I have too,” Logan admits, trying his very best to keep his voice informal.

Virgil’s smile softens, a little. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” Logan affirms, and the flutter in his stomach intensifies.

They stare at each other. Virgil’s eyes, Logan notices abruptly, are objectively beautiful. Framed by long lashes, his eyes are so dark a shade of brown they’re practically black, so easy to stare at, admiring the way a sudden shift in the lighting would illuminate the subtle honeyed depths of them. 

For a moment, Logan gets a flicker; he’s looking at his own eyes, blue and framed by his glasses, but the emotion in him doesn’t change, the fleeting thought of look how gorgeous, and suddenly he is back to looking at Virgil, and, as one, they look away.

Virgil coughs awkwardly. “This sensate thing—weird, huh?”

For the first time, Logan wonders if the feeling in his stomach is not entirely his own. If it is something shared.

But, Logan thinks, sneaking a look at Virgil taking notes, twirling his pen idly over the backs of his long fingers, he supposes that neither of them would be able to tell that, anyways.

REMUS

Remus is bouncing his leg so much that the cop near him is giving him a disdainful look.

Or maybe the look is because the cop thinks he’s a murderer. Whatever.

“Are you sure this is gonna work,” Remus mutters out of the corner of his mouth because he hasn’t gotten the hang of visiting someone in his cluster and going about day-to-day life like a normal person, the way more experienced sensates can. 

“Positive,” Janus says. He’s sitting crossed-legged beside Remus in his holding cell, where they’re waiting to be transported to the courtroom. Remus is pretty sure most lawyers shouldn’t turn up to court in pajamas, but considering that to the rest of the courtroom Remus is going to play at being his own lawyer, it’s all fine. 

“All they have on you is proximity and threats,” Janus continues. “And considering the voice in your novels, along with the parts in your dust jackets’ where you literally threaten your readers, I can get that set aside no problem.”

Remus inhales heavily and exhales just as noisily.

“Right,” he says. “Right.”

Roman flickers into sight just long enough to shoot Remus a thumbs up, and as Janus resumes spitting legal jargon, Remus feels his shoulders relax.

PATTON

“Be careful with our bezzie Buzzy Bee!” Patton says brightly. He’s crouched before Sophie, having helped untangle the string. “Let’s make sure we don’t tangle him up again, eh?”

“I will, Mr. T!” Sophie shouts, already on the run with the toy, and Patton huffs ruefully. It’ll probably be tangled up again by the end of the day.

A brief chill across his skin, and Patton shivers before he refocuses on the sunny afternoon, here, in Auckland.

By the time he’s stood upright, Logan’s beside him, in a white lab coat.

“Do you really need that much air conditioning down there?” Patton says. “Seems a bit overkill, mate.”

Logan shrugs, closing a door, hiding away some kind of equipment that looks very finicky and complex. “I’m not the one in charge of the facility.”

“Fair enough,” Patton says. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be asked to join in on some kind of game, soon. You like rugby?”

“It’s not exactly popular in Poland.”

“Hm. Guess not,” Patton says. “Probably should’ve known that already.”

“The whole sharing knowledge aspect of this does seem to be rather dependent on a variety of factors,” Logan says thoughtfully. “I don’t think I automatically know the minutiae of New Zealand history and culture just because you might; I think we have to be doing something to trigger that sharing of knowledge.” 

Patton huhs thoughtfully.

“If you didn’t know how to drive a car, for instance,” Logan theorizes, “and I did, and you sat behind a wheel and needed to drive somewhere, I would probably be able to impart that knowledge to you.”

“I can ask Emile,” Patton says, ready to turn and look in on Florida, but he’s stopped by Logan’s frustrated, “how do you do that?”

“Hm?” Patton says, turning to look at him.

“This seems to come so effortlessly to you,” Logan says. “You drop in and seem totally at ease, you could control if we all came to see Virgil a couple nights ago, and by the reactions of those around you, you don’t seem to be talking to thin air—”

“Well, we’re mostly, surrounded by five-year-olds, they wouldn’t be too phased by the concept of me having an imaginary friend,” Patton points out. Logan doesn’t seem particularly amused by this.

“I don’t know,” Patton admits. “Emile thought I was just very communicative, for a sensate. That might be it; I’ve always been pretty chatty. It also might be because Māori have beliefs about how we are all connected—people, nature, all living things—so maybe I was a little more prepared to accept that I was literally connected to other people because I grew up with that as a sacred ideal.”

They watch children run and play for a few minutes; Manaia, diving to catch a football in the game of rugby that had assembled; Sophie, racing between everyone with her Buzzy Bee clack-clack-clacking behind her; Oliver, shyly joining in on a game of hopscotch.

The grass sways in the light breeze, the sun had peeked out from behind its clouds, leaving the entire playground awash in light and warmth. The laughter of children carries on the wind. Patton’s coworkers occasionally look up from their tiny charges to smile and wish him a good day.

“It’s really rather nice here,” Logan says quietly. “I’ve never been remotely near this continent. Coming to research in Antarctica is the most travel I’ve ever really done.”

“Do you miss home?” Patton asks.

Logan considers this.

“Some things,” he says. “Kluski, makowiec, honey mead. Newspapers written in my native language. The coffee shop I studied in throughout all of university. Proper herbata góralska. My mentors. The ability to go to a grocery store. My mother.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“But I love the research I do here,” Logan says firmly. “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be able to study down here.”

“It sure seems like it,” Patton says, his admiration clear in his voice. 

“This whole situation threw a bit of a wrench in the works,” he says.

“I think it did for all of us,” Patton says. “Not all bad, though. Remus would probably still be on the run if he hadn’t connected with Janus.”

“No,” Logan muses, a soft flush touching his cheeks. “Certainly not all bad.”

Unbidden, images flash in his mind; black coffee, an expanse of wide sunny road, the sensation of dirt under his fingernails, purple jacaranda blossoms.

Patton tries his hardest not to grin. But—

“What,” Logan says defensively.

“Nothing,” Patton says, not hiding his smile, and Logan huffs irritably.

“You know,” Patton says, “Emile’s been dating someone in-cluster for, like, nine years? They were the first people that they saw, of the people in-cluster. In-cluster relationships are apparently pretty common, which I guess makes sense. Sharing feelings, knowledge, everything—it sure can bond two people together.”

Logan’s flush deepens. 

“Just sayin’,” Patton offers cheerfully, and he goes off to join a game of hopscotch, leaving Logan with his thoughts.

JANUS

The language is different. The procedure is different. The situation is, most definitely, different. 

He’s used to English, English law, English crimes. He’s been a barrister for years, jumping from one firm to another because the latter had seen partner potential in him; it paid much better, too, which certainly hadn’t been a negative. Janus had become a well-polished lawyer, a viper in the courtroom, a boomslang to his rivals. 

He’s good at it, is his point. He’s always been good at it.

He stands, surveying the judge. A different uniform, but a similar dime-a-dozen judge. He’s seen this type dozens of times. He could debate them in his sleep.

But as he looks to the side—Remus sitting, Roman beside him, the rest of the cluster in a line past them, just peeks of their profiles past the twins—he remembers why he started to study law, too.

Because he wanted to be able to get himself and his brother out of any and every sticky situation they could ever stumble into.

Janus stands when he is bid to. He takes the oath, Remus’s mother language tripping off his tongue like it’s his own. It is now, Janus supposes. 

Roman reaches over and grips Remus’s hand. Remus pinches Roman as hard as he possibly can, but Roman doesn’t flinch.

Janus begins smoothly, “Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the court...”

[addictedtoredemption]

Poop Sock

It’s November 14th , 2019. I had just woken up, and it was time for the usual morning pee. As I pull down my pants and go to sit down I brace myself for the cold steel metal that soon will be touching my bare skin. The initial shock of the brisk coolness fades, and my eyes gaze over to the side of the toilet, and I see a gray frayed sock that has been tied in a knot. I think to myself, “this must have been left here by someone before me. Yuck, that’s fucking gross.” I contemplate whether I should throw it away. I hope to myself that I won’t be here long enough for it to matter. Hopefully I will leave today, and this sock won’t matter. Why bother throwing it away? “No, I better just get it out my sight, plus I don’t want them to think I have something extra or that I am not picking up after myself.” I grab the sock between my pointer finger and thumb and the oh so familiar “this is fucking gross” scrunched up face is on full display. That’s weird, it’s heavy, what the hell is in here? I don’t want to know. I toss it in the trash, and hear it thud against the brown plastic bin. I sit down on the blue mat on the floor.

I haven’t cried much yet. I’m still in shock. How did I get here? Why do I do this to myself? Why can’t I just play by the fucking rules? I hear the slamming of the thick steel door, and I hear the corrections officer yell, “Food! Top tier.” Ladies begin rushing down the stairs. It’s wave of orange jumpsuits that form a long line down one side of the commons area of Mod 13. Mod 13 is the women’s minimum-security housing for inmates. Definition of inmate: any of a group occupying a single place of residence especially: a person confined (as in a prison or hospital.) Inmate- Jenna West, 34, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, nurse, and now inmate. In jail, you are none of those other things, you are inmate. “Inmates line up for food, inmate meds are here, inmate line up for court, inmate you can use the phone, inmates you can shower, inmates it’s time for lights out.” You see, the corrections officers don’t know my story, they don’t really care. They are here to earn their paycheck and go home. They see me simply as another criminal, piece of shit, and deservedly here to serve out time for the deviant ways I have betrayed society. I stare at the women in line waiting for the slop that is to be served on scratched up, sometimes clean brown trays. They hold their brown cups in their hand hoping that by the time they get up to the front the juice won’t be gone. I use the term juice lightly, as it is a cup of water with a splash of flavoring. As they wait for their food they laugh, chat, braid each other’s hair, and seem oblivious to their current situation. It enrages me that they can be having a good time. Do they not realize this isn’t summer camp? We are in jail! “Bottom tier, let’s go.” I grab my cup and walk across the bright white floor to take my place in line. I am careful not to push my way in and try to remain unseen. That is until “Inmate! Are you forgetting something?” I don’t even look up; it doesn’t occur to me that she would be talking to me. “Hello?!, Inmate orange needs to be on.” I look down and I still have my brown t-shirt on. I feel like it’s the first day of school when you inevitably miss the memo on what’s what, and now you are the center of attention. “Sorry, I’ll go get it.” I quickly walk over to myself cell and grab my orange shirt and walk back to the line. I get my tray of food. It’s brown mystery meat. I’m told it is hamburger. A piece of white bread, a plastic spoon with ½ teaspoon of ketchup, a potato side, carrots, and cookie. I eat the cookie. The hamburger is completely inedible. The potatoes have no flavor. The carrots are cold. I don’t have much of an appetite anyway. I begin to think about my family. How worried my mom is. How mad my husband is. How clueless my kids are as to where Mommy is. I just want to be home. I want to be watching my two-year-old little girl playing with her toys, watching Pink Fong, and running to me for the occasional snuggle or kiss. I want to look outside and see my son, 10, walking down the hill from school. I want to greet him at the door and ask how his day is. I want to have some funny banter with my husband over texts. I want to give him a kiss when he comes home from work. I want to sit down on the couch with him and watch our shows. I want to sleep in bed next to him. Oh, a bed-I would give anything for a bed. I had dreams almost every night I was in jail about finding pillows in secret passageways. I just wanted a fucking pillow. All we are given is a 1-inch-thick blue mat with one end a little thicker for what one might call a pillow. It’s a stark contrast from my king size bed, with a 2in memory foam thick mattress toppers, Casper pillow, and down comforter. I don’t get a sweet tap on my shoulder at 2 am from my sweet Stella, asking if she can sleep with me. Instead, I lay awake most hours of the night counting the white bricks that make up my small cell, all 252 of them. I am anxious, I am sad, and I am defeated. During phone time, I call my mom just to have a small amount of comfort. She hears the pain and sorrow in my

voice. I know it’s selfish of me to call her, I know that calling her, and letting her hear me cry is painful, but I can’t help it. I need that comfort, I need to hear her voice, and I need a moment away from my reality. I call my husband, Casey, next. I ask if he has spoke to my lawyer, if he found out when I might get out, and I ask what he told Jaxson. His tone with me is firm, and his answers are concise. I don’t find much comfort in talking to him, as I know that he is angry with me. I’ve let him down. I’ve made him the sole caretake for our children for no one knows how long. I’ve placed my job in jeopardy. I’ve embarrassed him. There are few family members, and friends that know of my situation at this point, and he now has to tell them his wife, mother of his children is in jail so he might need some help with the kids. He tells me he told Jax, that Mom had to go on a work trip, and she is somewhere where there is no service. Jax asked, “Why would she just leave? Why wouldn’t she say goodbye? When will she be back.” These feelings my son had to feel because of my poor choices is just another ripple of many ripples in this giant ocean of the clusterfuck I have made of my life. The burden my husband had to bear is one of many he has had to endure because he married an addict. The pain and disappointment my mother and father felt is only worsened by images of their youngest daughter in jail away from her family, and there is nothing they can do to help.

I do find some comfort in that I don’t have a cellmate. I get the bottom bunk so I don’t have to try to hoist myself up on the top one. That comfort is quickly taken away on day two of my jail stint. Midday on November 14th a pretty brunette girl storms through the cell door into my cell. She says, “Hey, I am your roommate, can I have the bottom bunk? I just had a baby, and I can’t climb up there.” She could have given me any reason as to why she wanted the bottom bunk, and I would have conceded. She seemed like this wasn’t her first rodeo, and I wasn’t about to start any bad blood with someone I’d be in an 8X10 room with for the foreseeable future. Rachelle, had just been moved from the medical infirmary back to general population, “gen pop.” She had her baby only three days early. She gave birth under police custody, she spent 24 hours with her baby before she was shipped back to jail. I felt sad for her, and I felt angry for her. How can the system be so heartless that they rip a newborn baby from their mother just hours after birth? She clearly isn’t a murderer or armed robber; she is in minimum security. What could she have done that was so terrible? I’d later find out that she was caught shoplifting from a Thrift world Store. She was nearly 7 months pregnant at the time, and when they searched her, they found meth in her bra strap. They didn’t give her a bond because they wanted to ensure the baby had a fighting chance. She was to serve out the rest of her pregnancy in jail, and after the baby was born they would then decide her fate. This girl gave zero shits about anything. She quickly rummaged through her clothes- two orange pairs of shirts and pants, two underwear, two sports bras, and two pair of socks. The standard wardrobe for Douglas County inmates. She threw of her orange shirt, and through her brown shirt I could see two wet sports where her nipples would be. She was leaking, engorged, and in pain. She threw off her bra and exposed her bare breast, then asked me what I think she should do? You see on top of the emotional pain of not being with her newborn, she had to endure the pain of not being able to breastfeed therefore having engorged breasts that leaked constantly causing chapped nipples that chaffed against her sport bra. She tried to put socks and toilet paper between her skin and her clothing to ease the discomfort, but it was to no avail. I looked down quickly, and just said you need to just try to keep them dry. I told her that if she had some Chapstick that it might help with the chaffing. She swapped bras and grabbed a clean shirt and continued to unpack her bags and make herself at home. She raised hell about how dirty the cell was, and ranted, “this is fucking disgusting, how do people live like this?” She ran out of the cell to grab cleaning supplies. Cleaning supplies? I had no idea we could just go get cleaning supplies to make things a little more livable. I assured her had I known, I would have cleaned, and I told her I was hoping I was leaving later that day, so I didn’t see the point. But I picked up some supplies and assisted her with the cleaning of our humble abode. Once everything was in order she said, “Do you have any extra socks?” I replied, “No, only what they gave me, why?” “Because we need to make a poop sock.” What the hell is a poop sock I thought. Is it what she used to wipe her ass? Does she poop in it in and throw it away, or reuse it? My mind mulled over what in the actual fuck is a poop sock. Turns out a poop sock is what I had thrown away earlier. You see I had no idea that that poop sock was a gift. A glorious gift that one inmate bestowed on future inmates in order to lessen our suffering. She explained that a poop sock is when you take a bar of soap, and crumble it into many pieces, let it dry out, and then stuff it into a sock and tie a knot on the top to hold it all in. Then when you take a number two you beat the sock against the wall and shake it all around you. A dust of soapy freshness then fills the air. A poop sock is a jail made bathroom air

freshener, and it was genius. I walked over to the trash and fumbled through the dirty paper towels we had just used to clean and pulled out our poop sock. Relief and delight washed over Rachelle’s face. Turns out she was an avid poop sock user, as I would soon be choking on soap flake dust every time she went to the bathroom. She would bang that thing against the wall and violently shake all around her while she used the bathroom. I couldn’t help but giggle because she looked like a priest throwing holy water on someone the way she shook that gray ratty sock all over the place. Day two, and I was learning the jailhouse lingo, and already impressed with what these ladies could come up with. I later told my mom, well at least this experience builds character.

I ended up only spending 7 days in jail. Some people respond to that, “Oh my god, 7 days? How did you get through that? I would die.” While others, like people I was on drug court with, would reply, “Ah, 7 days, man, that’s nothing. I lost 7 years while I was in prison.” It’s all about perspective.

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.17

Lind A: bring me lunch!

It was after eleven. She should be getting up and opening the dojo. This argument wasn’t quite enough to compel her legs to move from the bed, however, so Nairi lifted her phone and answered the text instead.

What do you want?

Lind A: idk get something you like and we can share Lind A: im at my studio!!

k

The ‘a’ button on her keyboard was sticking something fierce, and the black coating was worn away on the space bar and surrounding keys. Maybe she should get a new phone. She let the blackberry slip back down to rest on her chest as she went back to staring at the ceiling of her bedroom. The blanket was too hot where it was wrapped around her legs, and her shoulder was starting to ache where it had been pressed into her pillow and mattress for too long.

What did she like to eat? What did she like to eat that Linden also liked? Or, well, what was between here and Linden’s studio that had vegetarian options and food Linden liked, was probably the better question.

It was another ten minutes before she could make herself stand up and find a pair of jeans.

Almost an hour after that she’d made it to Linden’s studio, coffee and pastries in hand. Loud music was pumping out the propped-open door, grungier rock floating past the concrete paint can in sharp opposition to the cheerful pop from the last time she’d been here. Nairi stepped inside with her offerings, looking around for Linden.

“Oh hey, I thought you’d abandoned me,” said Linden cheerfully, and Nairi tracked her gaze down to see her sprawled on the floor. She was grinning up at her, hips twisted with one knee folded over her thigh, back pressed to the ground.

Nairi held up the paper bag by way of explanation. “Never. There was just a queue. Are you okay?”

Linden nodded sagely and shut her eyes, rolling her hips back down and shaking out her leg. “I had to pick up a box of glue off the craft shop floor this morning and I foolishly bent with my back instead of my knees, so now I must pay for my hubris.” She groaned as she sat up, taking a coffee from the proffered tray and grinning at Nairi. “Twenty-seven is way too young to even be having these issues, I swear to god.”

“Maybe your back’s just advanced for its age,” said Nairi, setting her tea and the pastries down on an unoccupied stretch of counter space.

Linden got to her feet and laughed brightly as she leaned over to her beat up ipod where it was sitting in a dock on the sill, spinning the volume almost all the way down. She straightened to grin at her head on as she reached out for Nairi’s hand. “Dad always said I was precocious. Come on, I made something for you!”

“Oh, what?” said Nairi, feeling the corner of her mouth twitch up as she let Linden tug her across the studio. “I only just figured out how to hang the last thing you painted me.”

Linden laughed again, letting go of her hand to reach up and pull down one of the two jackets from a hook on the back of the far door. “Well, this one hangs in a wardrobe, so I’m sure you’ll figure that out on your own.”

Nairi looked at the leather being offered to her, then back up at Linden, who jiggled the coat hanger at her.

She took it. It was a heavy, white motorcycle jacket, with two crisp stripes running the full length of the sleeves in red and green. The cuffs were zipped with sturdy silver tabs, and the pockets looked to fall just under the ribs with the same zips as closures. It was high-necked and padded in a way she instinctively approved of, with extra buckles at the neck and waist over the front zip. On the back Linden had painted an ourobouros of a dragon in green and black, its eye the same bright red as the stripe on the sleeves.

“Try it on,” said Linden eagerly, nodding at her. “I snooped in your drawers before I bought the jacket, so it should be the right size.”

Nairi felt her mouth twitch again, and she slipped the jacket on over her shoulders. It was comfortably snug around her arms, and heavy in a way that made it feel like it belonged there. The leather was a little stiff, not yet worn in, and the zip sufficiently toothy so that it took a second try to tug it down again. “It’s great,” she said, looking up and smiling back at Linden. “Thank you, you didn’t have to get me this.”

Linden was reaching up bring down its twin, and she glanced back over her shoulder at Nairi as she pulled it on. “Look, I saw them as I was walking past and I wanted one for me, and then I saw the white and I just hadto.” Hers was dark, crimson like her favourite wine-red lipstick, with thick, soft, elasticated fabric around the cuffs and waist hem. The painted embellishments were little lines of matchstick fires around the wide pockets, and a cherry tree in full blossom on the back, with a vintage style painting of a pair of cherries over one shoulder like a fake patch. “It gave me an excuse to break out the good paints too, the ones I haven’t used since I was a student. I had a lot of friends who did costume shit for theatre, the hardcore kind, it was nice to use them again! And like, I know it’s totally the wrong time of year for warm jackets and I should’ve held out for your birthday ‘cause it would’ve been perfect, but I got excited when I finished them and it’s been hard enough keeping my trap shut while I waited for them to dry.”

“It’s totally fine,” said Nairi, watching Linden give a little spin to show off her jacket before she shrugged it off again. “It’s just an early birthday present. Very early—preparatory, so I don’t have to wait for my birthday once it starts getting cold, and now you don’t have to worry about getting something for the day as well.”

Linden laughed again, ushering her back across the studio towards the pastries. “Oh, nice try, but you’re not escaping the birthday fun that easy,” she teased, picking up her coffee and nudging her broken chair towards Nairi with one foot. “Come on, sit, eat, give me the good goss, tell me how you and Aggy are going.”

“There’s not a lot happening, really,” said Nairi blandly, taking her tea back from Linden and sitting gingerly. The chair held, thankfully, if with a little more bounce than she’d been expecting. “You know, everything’s just kind of… fine.”

Linden pouted over her coffee before proceeding to loot the pastry bag. “Oh, that’s boring though! You two never do anything exciting, and you’ve been dating for like, months now. Seriously, nothing new?”

The impulse to laugh bubbled high in Nairi’s throat, and she swallowed it, wondering briefly where it had come from. “I think I’m okay with boring, honestly. Is your dating life not exciting enough?”

That got a snort as Linden resettled herself to lean back against the counter, raspberry crown in hand. “It’s a little cooled down at the moment, I won’t lie. Like, Simon and I are technically still ‘on’,you know, we’re just not, doing as much.”

“Tapering off, or just laying low from Nicholas?” asked Nairi with a small grin, catching the pastry bag as Linden tossed it to her.

Linden rolled her eyes, taking a drink from her coffee. “Si’s a big boy, he doesn’t need Nick barging in to tell him how to live his life. He’s still fun, it’s just, you know, reaching the point where people start making comments about taking him home to meet Dad and it’s definitelynot that kind of relationship.”

“Because you’re not expecting a ring or because he’s not up to scratch?” asked Nairi, tearing at a croissant.

“Yes,” said Linden, laughing. “Fuck, jesus, I’m nowhere near thinking about that, much less with Si’! That and Dad would eat him alive, he’s got an English degree—the only thing worse would be fine art.”

She hadn’t said it with any malice, so it was probably a normal sort of joke to make? “High expectations to meet?”

Linden grinned wolfishly. “Any partner I nail down better be ready to jump,” she joked with a darkly amused tone to it. “Dad’s good at what he does so he has high standards—typical lawyer shit, you know?”

Nairi shrugged. “Most of the lawyers I’ve met have just been dicks, but I think it’s different when you’re working with them as opposed to like, being raised by one. Is he defence or attack?”

Linden laughed loudly at that, hiding her grin behind her coffee cup again before answering. “Prosecutor, he’s a DA,” she said, sounding a little lighter. “Highest conviction rate in the state, only the best efforts for his job.”

“Damn, alright,” said Nairi, raising an eyebrow. “Kind of a bigshot?”

Linden nodded, setting her cup down. “Yeah, he gets kinda high profile sometimes—I don’t know if you remember a couple of years back, uh, Maxim Bailey? That guy?”

Oh yeah, she’d heard he’d been arrested. Nairi nodded, making a general noise of affirmation, and Linden nodded along with her.

“Yeah, he’s still salty he didn’t manage to get him on the murder charge, despite getting the other convictions,” said Linden, still nodding like a bobble-head. “Caught a little bit of media at the time, too.”

“Hell of a job,” said Nairi. Her thigh vibrated and she set her tea down to tug her phone out of her pocket.

“Stressful, he’s been talking about changing up careers for a couple months now,” said Linden, finally stopping the motion of her head.

Aga D: How’s your day? Any students for the first couple of classes?

She hesitated, chewing the inside of her cheek as her thumbs hovered over the buttons.

“Is that your giiirl-friend?” asked Linden, her drawl long and amused, and she lifted a leg to prod Nairi’s knee with her toe, making the chair spin a little.

Nairi glanced back at her phone, tapping out a response quickly. “Yeah, she’s just checking in.”

A couple yeah. Just having a quiet day.

Aga D: I’m glad! I’ll let you get back to teaching and stop distracting you :)

She tucked her phone away and picked up her tea again, suddenly not feeling much like eating anything.

Linden’s eyes were unreadable over her coffee, but she was smiling when Nairi looked at her. “That’s nice of her,” she said with a funny note in her voice. “I’m really happy for you two, you know that right?”

“Thanks,” said Nairi, shuffling her unappetising croissant back into its bag to avoid Linden’s piercing eyes. “I’m, um. I’m glad you both, sort of, uh, adopted me? Even if it’s in different ways. It’s been good. Really good.”

She covered her expression with her tea, not really tasting it as she drank. Why had that been hard to say?

Linden’s mouth twitched at the corner, just a hint of her normal dimples. “I’m glad you let us,” she said warmly, and suddenly her eyes were back to normal. “You looked like you could use a couple of friends when we met, and god only knows Agatha needed a relationship that actually worked out after her streak.”

“Yeah?” said Nairi, leaning to set the pastry bag back on the counter.

Linden nodded, giving her a rueful look. “Yeah, I mean, she told you how we met, right? Her boyfriend of like, ten years or some shit was one of my regulars, and when she found that out she showed up on my doorstep in tears, it was kind of fucking rough.”

“Oh, damn,” said Nairi, for lack of anything better. Ten years?Agatha had left that out.

“Yeah,” said Linden with an exaggerated grimace. “I mean, fuck, I’m pretty mercenary when it comes to cheating and the job, but even I felt bad. I helped her do some vandalism on him, and then I introduced her to Flo and some nice single people who helped her figure out she was into women, so like, it all worked out eventually, but it was kind of a rough time for her, you know?”

“Yeah,” echoed Nairi, feeling the pastry sink to the bottom of her stomach. “I’m glad it worked out, in the end.”

“Like I said,” said Linden, nudging her again with a wink and a smile, “she just needed someone like you to swoop in and be the good, stable girlfriend for her.”

Her tone was light and teasing, and Nairi made herself swallow more tea before she answered. “Right, yeah. I don’t know how ‘good’ I am at the whole, Prince Charming thing.”

She’d been trying for a joke, but it fell flat between them.

“You’re doing fine,” said Linden, her tone softening a little, and she looked at Nairi with earnestness in her eyes. “Seriously, Princess. You’re doing fine.”

End of book 1.

[depressedyeehaw]

KDRAMA REC

these are dramas I’ve watched. favorites in no particular order (except Goblin, it’s my favorite.) I tried not to put too much into the details because I didn’t want to spoil anything but yeah. I’ve seen quite a few now so why not.

* Goblin (Guardian: the Lonely and Great God)

buckle up because you’ve got a tired goblin, a socially inept grim reaper, and ghost seeing high schoolers that become housemates and your best friends.

if you’re not new to the Kdrama world then you’ve definitely heard or seen this drama and how fucking great it is. whether it’s the stellar cast or the beautiful soundtrack, it didn’t get its reputation for nothing.

it’s got romance, bromance, lots of humor, past and present collisions, the ability to make you depressed, and Gong Yoo.

Hush - Linde Lindh (the OTS is so beautiful)

what more could you want?

* Healer

do you like spy or spy-esque genres? Ji Chang Wook? a dash of betrayal? then I’ve got the drama for you!

an errand boy for hire gets put in a sticky situation that involves a girl that he just can’t seem to shake, their past, and some politics that really put his identity in jeopardy.

it’s a lot of storylines that really tie together well in the end.

when you hold me tight - Yael Meyer

bad boy is actually soft and soft girl don’t take shit.

* The Legend of the Blue Sea

another fantasy that includes the past and present, but with MERMAIDS.

a mermaid who’s just trying to get this boy, but can’t exactly function well in society since she was in the ocean her whole life.

and a con artist who just can’t seem let her go.

the secondary cast are great and I love them.

this drama is hilarious, like first episode you’re gonna laugh within the first 10 min. it’s probably my second favorite.

it’s got TWO umbrella scenes AND a claw machine.

crying may happen so bring a plastic bag.

* Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo

another favorite.

your main girl is a weightlifting, independent woman who don’t need no man but boy does she like him.

and your main guy is a swimmer with PTSD and he’s such a sweet BOI

the trio is so funny I wanted to die.

sets high standards for your boyfriend so watch out.

sheds light on mental health and eating disorders.

no bad blood really, just really wholesome x1.

* Fight My Way

four friends just trying to follow their dreams even tho they’re tight on money.

leading lady is so fed up, just wants to be an announcer.

leading boy is not far behind her, lowkey misses being a fighter.

my favorite drama with Park Seo Joon.

the aeygo is strong with this one.

really wholesome x2, you’ll love it.

don’t punch with your thumb tucked under your fingers, you’ll break it

* What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim?

she just wants to live her own life, that’s what.

she’s been his secretary for like 9 years and just wants to be done with it.

the whole brooding, egotistical boss thing kinda turned me off but you gotta give it a chance.

lowkey twisted.

another Park Seo Joon (I watched this before watching Fight My Way and lemme tell you, the whiplash was real)

same actress from Healer, she’s so G O O D

the side romances are great

* She Was Pretty

last one with Park Seo Joon I swear

it was pretty decent, also the first drama I ever watched (thank you YouTube algorithm)

instead of egotistical boss, you get a prick instead (I’m still salty about it okay)

they were friends, lost touch. and now they’re back together but get this, she ain’t who he thinks she is.

and he’s her boss on top of that.

main lead is so pretty (she IS pretty) she’s just so optimistic and empathetic.

second lead syndrome so tread carefully.

ending is cute, I’ll give it that.

* Touch Your Heart

if you liked the two Goblin characters (not the main two, I wish) then you’ll want to watch this after Goblin.

literally so fucking cute.

I’m not kidding, I got cavities from this shit.

had to pause multiple times because of how cringely cute it was.

she’s just an actress trying to method act for her lawyer role.

and he’s the lawyer who’s just so done but then he’s not!

* Because This Is My First Life

one needs money and one needs a room.

THERES A CAT

honestly such a wholesome x3 drama that makes you think.

is marriage all that??

Marriage - MoonMoon (it is all that)

really shows how sexism affects women in the workplace

kinda slow burn

* Cheese in the Trap

Kim Go Eun is a delight, I love her.

based off a popular WEBTOON by the same name.

apparently controversial because of that.

also SLS so be careful.

college is hard and not just because of classes.

basically college girl has a bad past experience with popular guy but suddenly he’s asking her to eat with him and it’s confusing her.

and then he’s not also what he seems.

wish it had more about the main guy because he was just so interesting (read the webtoon cause it’s actually really good)

also has a movie with some of the same cast (I watched it right after finishing the drama and it’s not as in depth obviously but the ending is better)

* The K2

action packed

the soundtrack is lit

Ji Chang Wook could kick my ass and I’d thank him.

boy gets caught in some high stakes politics and ends up as a bodyguard.

very political and it was hard for me to follow at times.

I’d die for Anna.

who do you trust? Idfk

the guy is literally so fed up 90% of the drama

iconic umbrella scene.

* Hotel Del Luna

when I die, you’ll find me at Hotel Del Luna: the hotel for the dead.

okay the main guy looks like he’s thirty but he’s actually 22 in this wtf that’s younger than me. I feel WRONGED.

you’ll love the entire hotel crew.

owner: she’s a problematic fav

the new manager: he’s just trying his best

OST is a bop.

lotta past and present overlapping in this and it’s great

* Oh My Venus

this one was cute but also problematic to me

pretty girl in high school became a chubby lawyer.

lotta relationship drama and cringe.

and the entire drama is about her losing weight and falling for stoic but actual soft boy “coachenim”.

ending could have been so much better oh my G O D.

probably my least favorite but I didn’t genuinely enjoy most of it.

* Suspicious Partner

lawyers, prosecutors, and murders OH MY!

you got an angry boi and a hot mess of a girl

hot mess gets herself in a bigger mess and becomes a murder suspect.

angry boi gets more angry

I have never yelled at a drama more than this one, jesus it was a ride.

the romance is there but in small doses.

forty 30 min episodes (20 hours)

hey look, Ji Chang Wook is in this one too.

* Descendants of the Sun

a soldier and doctor hit it off but then their moral views conflict with their romantic interest.

they go separate ways but then PLOT TWIST

surprise, doc. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

the bromance is real in this one too.

Touch Your Heart recreated the iconic helicopter scene p e r f e c t l y

will add more as I continue to watch.

[poorreputation]

SPN 1X01 Pilot Retrospective Meta

Tag list for old episodes meta! (let me know if you wanna be tagged):

@emblue-sparks @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @evvvissticante @dea-stiel @sudo-apt-get-destiel @wildligia (tumbler’s not letting me tag you, sorry)

Pre re-watch notes/things to touch on:

Comparing the Woman in White to John, Sam and Mary/hindsight notes.

S1 motivations vs. S14/15 endgame.

Episode Notes:

Written by: Eric Kripke

Directed by: David Nutter

A long post, so I will put it behind the cut.

Lawrence, Kansas

22 years ago

We begin our tale with Mary bringing Dean into Sam's nursery to say goodnight. John enters the room, and in a nice bit of short-hand, he's wearing a USMC (United States Marine Corps) shirt, showing John was a soldier.

There's a shot of Mary and John in a picture. We already know they're married, so why is it here?

Mary thinks it's John in the nursery, only to find him asleep in the living room in front of the TV. (again, a connection to John's past, he's fallen asleep watching a war movie)

Something that'll become a continuity issue, later in the show: Mary's many years of experience being a Hunter, only to not recognize the flickering of lights as a sign of trouble.

Of course, Mary's wearing a white gown, (white is usually seen as a pure color/ of purity, but in this instance a connection to the Woman in White/see Jess later)

Mary's dead, and everyone involved is scarred for life.

The look on John's face, as we finish the Lawrence sequence, is that of a broken man, who's seen something that will eat away at his mind.

Stanford University Present Day (2005)

Okay, the first image we see of Jess is her in a nurse's costume, white with red trimming. Jess also has medium length curly blond hair. Guys, she looks like Mary, especially in Mary's death scene (white gown, covered in blood). 

We focus in on the picture of Mary and John for visual shorthand, confirming this is a grown-up Sam.

We establish Sam is "scary" smart, has aspirations of becoming a lawyer, and has a job interview on Monday.

Jess: "Knock 'em dead on Monday." laying it on thick, Kripke.

Sam: "What would I do without you?"

Jess: "Crash and burn."

*smooch*

Damn you, Kripke.

Night scene, and holy shit, why do Sam and Jess have so many plants? Why doesn't future Sam have plants in the bunker, you know, something low maintenance?

Dean, why the fuck can't you use the door? Or a phone?

From the get-go, Dean's cocky, suffers from eldest sibling syndrome, and is a shameless horn-dog.

Sam: "He's on a Miller time shift." See, when I first watched the pilot, years ago, I didn't realize this was Sam implying John was a drunk. These things would just fly over my head.

Sam wants to make a point of including Jess in the conversation, of being honest. And yet, the moment Dean says John is on a hunt and hasn't returned, that honesty goes right out the window. More on that later.

Sam and Dean's exposition dump in the hallway, a part of me feels it's an odd way to catch the audience up to speed, while the other part of me knows this is how families argue when they spend most of their time biting their tongues. Sam especially seems the type to mull over his thoughts, storing away comebacks for the perfect moment when they'll be most effective (like later in the episode). Also, it's been years since the brothers have seen each other (we're told later it's been at least 2 years since Dean bothered Sam), they're so icy towards one another.

Sam: "You think Mom would've wanted this for us?" we'd find this out later in S4, but, no. Funny enough, maybe if Mary shared her knowledge of Hunting, something more could've been done (foreshadowing).

Dean: "What're you gonna do? Just live some normal, apple pie life?" Dean, if you'd only taken your own advice, we could've avoided S6.

Sam, paraphrasing John: "If you're gonna go, stay gone." Well, that's only very emotionally manipulative.It does, however, remind me of the U.S. military’s views on those dishonorably discharged, and since John raised them as "warriors", it's not a stretch to think, in a time of crisis, John treated his sons as soldiers.

Dean: "I can't do this alone."

Sam: "Yes, you can."

Dean: "Yeah, well, I don't want to."

This exchange, this vulnerability from Dean, after his initial introduction of being a cocky asshole who hits on his brother's girlfriend, shows just how much of a facade Dean's attitude is. In the end, he's a kid scared of losing his Dad.

It's this vulnerability that convinces Sam to listen.

Come the fuck on, "I can never go home." after we establish Sam left John and Dean, left Hunting behind, and was told to never come back (home). KRIPKE. YOU'RE *not* SUBTLE.

2 years, Dean says, since they last talked. Either Sam entered college late, (20 rather than 18) or Sam and Dean kept in touch even after Sam and John's blow-out fight.

Again, Jess pries for more info, and Sam changes the subject. Nope, that’s not gonna bite him in the ass, at all.

Jericho, California

(insert biblical/wrestling reference here)

We meet monster fodder, I mean, some random dude, who tells his girlfriend Amy over the phone he can't see her that night. He slows down to a stop and picks up the Woman in White.

Anyway, another example of a young woman with curly, medium length hair in a white gown/dress. I mean, her house even looks a bit like John and Mary's old place.

We get a brief, blurry shot of the Woman in White and her kids. Sorry, but if you're familiar with the legend of her/La Llorona, it's easy to see where this is going.

Oh, and whatshisface is dead.

Chips and soda. Breakfast of champions.

Sam's being a real sassy bitch about how Dean and John get their funds. I get it, world-building for the audience, bit it shows just how passive aggressive Sam is in these early seasons; Dean's clearly playing moderator between Sam and an absent John.

Sam: "Black Sabbath, Motorhead, Metalica? It's the greatest hits of mullet rock." Sam, it's not Dean's fault you have poor taste. Shut your cakehole.

Sam: "Sammy's a chubby 12 year old." or, it's what a big brother says to his infant sibling to calm him down, oh wait.

Monster bait's name is Troy. Yeah, I don't care.

Dean sassing the officer and Sam stomping Dean's foot. Yep, they're brothers. This interaction is where their chemistry really starts to shine through.

Amy and her friend are peak mid-2000's goths/emos, good lord.

Dean's "I told you so" smart-ass look as the friend shares the rumors in town, he's such an older sibling.

They... they never tell Amy what happened to her asshole boyfriend, huh? Well. Sucks for Amy.

Researching on a public library computer, fucking hell. (nothing wrong with that, I’ve worked in a public library, but they’re doing super-secret Hunter’s stuff in such a public place)

Have it paused on a photo of Constance Welch, the Woman in White, and the article mentions her husband's exact line of work; associate manager who works the graveyard shift at Frontier auto salvage. Gives me shades of Bobby, who also lost his wife under tragic circumstances.

A mother leaves her child unattended, comes back to check on them, tragedy strikes. Or, so the story goes.

Dean confronts Sam about living a life of willful ignorance, and even asks if Jess knows the truth. Sam makes it clear she doesn't and he intends it to stay that way, as Dean sarcastically quips, "That's healthy".

Really, the more I think about it, the more S6 feels like the inverse of S1; Dean tries to live a normal life, Sam comes stomping in to rain on his parade. Lisa is kept largely in the dark about Dean's past, and gets hurt because of it.

Dean: "You can pretend all you want, Sammy, but sooner or later, you're gonna have to face up to who you are."

Sam: "And who's that?"

Dean: "One of us."

Sam: "No. I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life."

Sam thinks Dean's just talking about Hunting, but Dean means more than that, he means family. One of us, Dad and me, a Hunter and a Winchester.

Sam: "Mom's not coming back." and so on about how he doesn’t even remember Mary, doesn’t share John’s obsession. 

Dean: "No chick flick moments." Dean, dude, bro, you're the one who started this by breaking into Sam's place like a dramatic bitch, and then proceeded to give life/relationship advice. It's already a chick flick.

John's room being covered head-to-toe in case notes, only to come to the obvious conclusion it's the Woman in White. But, Sam said, because of the salt line, John was worried. Now, as far as I can remember, John was never a target of this spirit, so, I think he was paranoid about Yellow Eyes. After all, John had notes on devils/demons up, too, so maybe. I could be wrong.

There's something amusing about Sam and Dean's first duo Hunt, one without John, includes one of them getting arrested. Just, how rare that happens in the rest of the show, compared to how many laws they break daily.

Sam talks to Joseph Welch, who seems to wear the same clothes as Bobby. Also, Sam looks like a giant standing next to him.

Joseph lies to Sam's face about his and Constance's marriage, and it takes Sam a moment to work up the nerve to call him out on it. Or, it's Sam losing his temper. They're dealing with a murderous ghost, after all, and this guy wants to hide the truth.

Sam's done with lying witnesses, and now he's making fake calls to the cops. Gloves are OFF.

So, it's revealed John's purposefully leaving Sam and Dean clues, the journal, and the coordinates, but won't outright tell the truth.

Sam: "I'm not unfaithful. I've never been." See, Sam, that's only in the cheating department. You are, however, keeping Jess in the dark about dangerous stuff. Can any relationship with such big lies every be a faithful one?

Again, the imagery of the flickering lights. A standard in the show later for when a ghost's around, but considering all the visual parallels between the Woman in White and Mary, I think it's intentional.

That CGI of the ghosts vanishing was kinda shit, though. So is the sound of water swirling down a drain, I'm now just thinking of a toilet.

Dean: "I'll take you home." and there, in an episode where the ghost is afraid to go home and face the consequences of their actions, Sam too must go back to Jess.

Sam discovering Jess' body on the ceiling, as the room's engulfed in flames, never fails to give me chills. Hot damn.

Post Episode Notes:

While the pilot is a treasure trove of world building, plotting of character arcs, and chemistry between Jared and Jensen, it still doesn't make up for the fact it's bookended with 2 women getting fridged. Mary and Jess don't get to be characters, only fuel for man-pain, and argue with me all you want, but Mary's send-off in S14 is far superior to what she got in the pilot.

I remember seeing Kripke discuss how many drafts they went through while writing the pilot, and it feels like that at quite a few points. Like maybe the sheriff was to get more time, or Troy's father, who I believe is a cop, would've been more vital to the plot. And Amy, who'll spend who knows how many weeks and months putting up missing person posters for Troy.

I believe Kripke also said they'd considered killing John at the end, rather than Jess. I think, and this is pure speculation, the more they went into the lore for the Woman in White, the more they knew Jess had to die. I don't like it, wish they could've done it different, but it fits the story they wanted to tell.

The Woman in White, John, Mary and Sam, in hindsight

It's a retcon from S4, but if Mary was honest with John about her past as a Hunter, maybe they'd have a better chance with fighting Azazel. It's tragically paralleled to Sam not telling Jess about his own past, which may have prevented her death. And while you could say Heaven and Hell would still have their way, and shape Sam and Dean the way they want to, I'd like to think, given the chance, free will could prevail, And, look at how often keeping secrets is framed as one of the worst things the characters could do to each other?

Additionally, if John had been honest with Sam and Dean about what he wanted them to do, and what kind of danger they were really in, maybe Sam wouldn't have left Jess alone.

Thank you for reading this monstrosity of a meta, I hope you enjoyed/found it interesting!

[thirstyforjohnseed]

Death’s Goodbye Kiss

Pairings: Dabria Waters x John Duncan/John Seed

Warnings: Smut, some death and murder, implied child abuse

Word count: approx. 3,414

A/N: So I tried my hand at smut for the first time ._. Been working on this short for a while and was hoping I’d have it done and uploaded before I left for camping this weekend that just passed. Didn’t happen but here it is finally lol Thank you @jacobsknifeplay for the title idea and always helping me proofread my stuff. You’re amazing and I love you! 💕 Again I’m always open for any constructive criticism or advice.

Some mood music I guess? Lol

Enjoy~ ^-^

__________________________________________

It was supposed to be an easy job. All she had to do was sneak into the party, careful not to draw any unnecessary attention to herself, kill the senator, and sneak out. She’s done jobs like these hundreds of times, this wasn’t anything new to her. She’s a freaking death angel for goodness sake. She didn’t even really have to be in the same room with the target to do the job, but noo some crazy part of her enjoyed the thrill she got at the risk of getting caught. Well any plans to go unnoticed were thrown out the window when the host of the party showed up.

She had been mingling around the buffet table, keeping an eye on her target, when John Duncan made his appearance. As he finished making his welcome speech and began to converse with his guests, she turned and continued to snack lightly. She wasn’t here for him though he was certainly more attractive than she had anticipated. She’s never met the guy but she knew he was a very expensive and damn good lawyer. She wasn’t very fond of high class parties anyways, they were too stressful. The food was delicious though. She may not need the sustenance but what girl didn’t dream of being able to eat without gaining weight?

As she turned to go back to getting lost in the crowd, she noticed that John was making his way towards her. She felt herself panic a little. Gaining his attention would completely derail her plans, but now she was rooted at the spot like a deer caught in bright headlights. Instead she focused on trying to keep her composure when he reached her. “Excuse me, but I don’t believe we’ve met before Miss…?” He trialed off waiting for her to introduce herself, watching her every move. Everything about him was so calculated, refined, and confident; definitely knows he’s good looking and using it to his advantage. She had this urge to dig in and try to do away with his façade but she couldn’t allow herself to get distracted right now. “Angela Kiesling,” she lied without a trace of agitation, using her alias as she held her hand out to him. “A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Kiesling” He said as he took her hand and laid a gentle kiss on the back of it. Not once breaking eye contact with her.

Shit, he was hot, and any other time she would’ve loved to stay to flirt with and tease him; but she was working now and had to lose him somehow. At least she could keep track of the senator without alerting John that her focus was on something else. Her heightened senses and ability to feel the difference in everyone’s spiritual energy were a huge help in that regard. “Is this your first time attending one of my parties? I’d honestly be disappointed in myself if I had never noticed such a lovely face as yours.” “I’d honestly be surprised if you even remembered me if I had”, she said as she nodded towards the group of women who were trying, and failing, to look like they were mingling and not watching them. Probably jealous that she had him all to herself at the moment, whether she wanted to or not, she didn’t care enough to make sure. “Should you be keeping your entourage waiting?” She asked trying her best to seem as apathetic as possible.

John chuckled and said, “There’s always room for one more.” “Mm sorry I don’t really play well with others, Mr. Duncan,” she said as she took a sip from her glass, “I’d hate to accidentally break one of your toys.” “Please, my dear. You may call me John,” he responded with a confident smirk, “We’re far more flexible and resilient than we appear. Besides… a new favorite toy always gets time alone with the master.” “Lucky them, I’m sure. However this doll chooses her master.” They continued to go back and forth like that for a bit. She was starting to lose her patience. It was like the more she tried to resist, the more interested he became and it was infuriating. Eventually in a final and desperate attempt to discourage him, she turned and started devouring the mini eclairs nearby. Trying to make herself look like a glutton, but also careful not to ruin her makeup or dress.

She looked back at him as she was finishing, hoping that did the trick, but nope. He just smiled, wiped the cream off the corner of her mouth, and licked it off his finger with a seductive look in his eyes. Argh, that really backfired on her! She did her best to keep her fluster hidden as she said, “John, don’t you have other guests to tend to? Rather rude of you to ignore them.” “Mm, you’re right about that. I’ll find you again later, my dear. You’re not allowed to leave without sharing a dance with me,” he licked his lips lightly as if still tasting the cream from the eclairs as he winked at her and walked away.

Once he disappeared into the crowd, she sighed in relief and rested her drink and hands on the table for a moment. Good god, why had it been so difficult for her to keep her act together with him? She knew better than to fall apart like this while on the job. She blamed his eyes; She was incredibly weak for eyes like his, intense yet a hint of sorrow or was it loneliness? Something felt incredibly familiar about him too as if… as if she’s met him before… No, she couldn’t afford to get attached to anyone right now. She forced down all thoughts of John and downed the last of her champagne before turning to join the large group of people dancing.

The next hour or two was a blur of swirling skirts, many new unknown faces, and hunting down prey while being hunted. Eventually the constant exchange of dance partners led her right into the arms of the senator himself. For a man in his early 50s, he was keeping up quite well on the dance floor. He also had a fairly attractive face, she might’ve been tempted had it not been for the terrible things he’s done. The very reason she was here in the first place. He pulled her close as he whispered, “I saw you talking with John Duncan earlier. I don’t suppose he’s staked his claim on you yet?” Her skin crawled at his touch, and she tried to put a bit of distance between them as she answered, “That remains to be seen.” They spun together in time with the rest of the group and music. “Well that’s certainly encouraging. I can give you a good time,” he whispered in her ear as he pulled her close again. She hid her disgust as she said, “A tempting offer, but you’ll have to do better than that.”

To her relief they had to switch partners again as she said that, so she turned and left a smiling senator to give her attention to her new partner. Well it would’ve been better for her to switch, if her new partner wasn’t John himself. Fuck not again! She thought to herself as John pulled her close to him. She could feel his heartbeat against her chest and he had that seductive smirk again. Funny how she didn’t mind being held so closely to him as opposed to how she tried to pull away from the senator earlier. “You’ve been avoiding me, dear Angela,” he whispered, his breath brushing her ear gently, sending chills down her spine, “Do I make you uncomfortable?” Far from it, she thought. She was completely at ease around him and that’s what worried her.

“Not at all,” she confessed, “Quite the opposite actually.” He had her trapped now and was leading her away from the group, making it clear that he didn’t plan to let her slip away again. “Then why play coy?” He asked as he spun her around and held her close with her arms crossed in front of her. She turned her head so he could see the smirk on her lips, and mischievous spark in her eyes as she answered, “And miss the chance to give you a bit of a challenge? Come on, you must get bored of everyone giving in so easily.” He smiled and spun her around again and said, “You seemed to be having some fun with the senator earlier.” She didn’t even try to hide her disgust this time as she rolled her eyes and said, “That was only lip service. Really not interested in someone who’s been accused by multiple victims for sexual assault.”

Speaking of the senator, if John wasn’t going to let her go, she’ll have to fall back on her backup plan. Crushing his heart telekinetically was one of the only sure ways of killing him without drawing any suspicion to herself. She won’t be able to prove to her client that she was responsible, but it was the only foolproof method at her disposal now. She’s not about to leave this job unfinished. “Ah, yes not one of my most proudest victories in court, but a job’s a job,” John said snapping her attention back to him. She cocked an eyebrow at him as she asked, “You were the one responsible for him avoiding being convicted? That doesn’t bother you?” He shrugged as he said, “It doesn’t matter what I think of the whole situation. His fate is in God’s hands now.” That’s one way of looking at it… she thought as she said, “I didn’t take you for a religious man.” “My parents are devout Christians. Let’s just say they pounded it into me…” he said softly.

The song they were dancing to came to an end, and he dipped her as the finishing move to their dance, but not before she caught the glimpse of deep pain in his eyes. As he held her there for a few seconds, she immediately focused on the senator’s heart and envisioned invisible fingers tightening around it and shutting off his arteries. Immediately the man clutched at his chest, pain wracking his face, his breath becoming shallow, and he began to sweat profusely. Many people around him began to panic and tried to reach out and help him, but he pushed them away and fell to his knees as his life was slipping away.

John immediately rushed to help him, and she followed but stayed behind in the crowd. However by the time John reached him it was too late. The man was dead, and no amount of CPR or use of a defibrillator would bring him back, she made sure of that. Recognizing that there was nothing else that could be done to save him, John immediately turned to his guests and asked them all to leave the room in an orderly fashion. His servants helped lead everyone out to another room that was just as big as the one they had been in.

As they all waited for the mess to be cleaned up, she noticed how most of the guests were actually pretty calm about the whole thing. The only ones who were clearly visibly shaken were the actors and actresses. For the gangsters and police officers who see death all the time, this probably wasn’t anything new and thus not too unsettling for them. Well there went the rest of her pay, she’s gonna have to find something else to reward herself with for a job well done. Soon John came in announcing that the incident has been taken care of. The party will be moved to their current room now, but if anyone felt like leaving they were welcome to do so. Surprisingly not many people left, but the mood was definitely more somber and tense. It gradually became more relaxed when the drugs were passed around again.

“I’m glad you decided to stay,” John said as he walked up to her and offered her a glass of champagne which she took gratefully, “It’s been quite the eventful night.” “Indeed. I can’t help but wonder about everyone’s priorities if they can go back to partying after witnessing that,” she said as she drank from her glass. “Well the same could be said about you, my dear” he smiled as he finished his glass and set it down on the small table beside her, “Want to get out of here?” She smiled and leaned closer to him as she asked, “Looking to get a little frisky?” “Ever since I laid eyes on you,” he said in a deep seductive tone. Well with her hit done and taken care of she had some free time before having to move on again, so why the hell not? He’s been driving her crazy all night. She placed her half empty glass beside his on the table, took his hand, and let him lead her out.

They were so impatient that they barely made it into his bedroom without tearing at each other’s clothes. They stood at the edge of his king sized bed as she kissed him; her hands working on undoing his tie, and the buttons of his blazer and shirt. She didn’t want to get emotionally involved, just relief some stress. A man like him probably has a different lover every night anyways, or so she was trying to convince herself until she pulled his shirt off exposing his chiseled torso.

It wasn’t his perfect body structure or tattoos that had made her pause; it was the scars. She gently traced her fingers over them as he sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her closer; his hands resting gently on her waist. Rubbing circles on her hips and slowly creeping to the hem of her short skirt. “Are these… from your parents?” She asked remembering the look in his eyes when he had mentioned them earlier. She looked deep into his eyes, observing any and all emotions in them, as he hiked up her skirt enough for her to have room to move her legs, and pulled her up onto his lap making her straddle him. She could feel his erect member pressing against her womanhood. The few layers of clothing between them doing nothing to hide how much he wanted her as he caressed her thighs.

“Yes…” he answered softly before, resting his head in her chest, taking in her scent as he unzipped her dress. She felt his pain and anger buried deep within now. Great, well so much for not getting attached… she thought to herself as she remembered a little boy with a similar name in a similar relationship with his parents… She couldn’t do anything to help that boy but she could play nice for this John. Now she didn’t feel like being selfish. Tenderly she passed her fingers through his hair and down his back. Placing soft kisses on the top of his head and forehead. He sighed in contentment at her gentle touches before pulling her dress over her head and taking her lips with his again.

While she tangled her hands in his hair, he placed his right hand behind her head and deepened their kiss. Licking her lips, begging for entry which she refused to give just yet. With his left hand, he held her hip firmly and motioned for her to move her hips more as he thrusted against her. The feeling of his hard cock rubbing against her caused her to gasp in pleasure, giving him the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. Their tongues wrestled for dominance as she grinded her hips in rhythm with his thrusts; eliciting moans from him. Her heart was beating a thousand miles and she could hear his heart doing the same. Every thrust caused the fire in her skin to burn hotter and hotter. She wasn’t sure how much more she could resist before it would consume her. God she wanted him inside her already.

Unable to hold back any longer, John broke their kiss, leaving them both breathless and panting; grabbed her ass and lifted her up so he could turn around and lay her on her back. He crawled on top of her and kissed her sensually as he undid his pants with her eager help. Once he was free, he began to trail light kisses down from her neck, to her breasts, down her stomach. When he reached her panties, he grabbed it with his teeth and pulled them off her, leaving her completely exposed to him. He went back up to her face and kissed her while his right hand played with her warm lower region.

She moaned and arched into him as his fingers rubbed against her clit, occasionally pumping into her. She was so dripping wet from his touch and was getting close to her peak. He saw this and immediately switched out his hand and slipped into her. They moaned in ecstasy as he pumped into her faster and faster. She clutched the bed sheets and cried out his name as she reached her climax. Feeling her tighten around him as she unraveled under him sent him over the edge as well, and he pulled out of her just a few seconds before coming all over her. Fortunately most of it landed on her stomach and chest; she used her finger to wipe off what little got on her face, and licked it clean all the while holding his gaze. Still breathing heavily, he smiled at her as he said, “Sorry about that. I’ll get you a towel.”

After cleaning up, they went at it for a few more rounds before they were finally tired out enough to stay cuddling together under the sheets. He laid on his back propped up on a few pillows while she laid across his chest, her head just below his chin. She felt so safe in his arms that maybe she’d actually be able to get some sleep for once, but before she let herself drift off she looked up at John. “What is it, my dear?” He asked her as he noticed her looking at him. “Just wondering why you chose me. You could have had anyone you wanted and yet you persisted after me even after I so rudely tried to turn you down. Why?” She asked genuinely curious. “You want the truth? It was your eyes. They shine in a way the others down there can only dream. So full of kindness and warmth. It was even more encouraging when I noticed I was the only one you showed that side to. You’re pretty cold and closed off to everyone else,” he answered with a smile and passed his fingers through her hair.

She had a feeling that there was a bit more to it than that, but she didn’t press further. Maybe it was better not to know as she was still going to be leaving the next morning. “Wow, that was a bit corny,” she said with a smile as she decided to tease him instead, “I can just see the headlines if that got out. ‘Millionaire playboy lawyer secretly a hopeless romantic?’ Oh the amount of ladies who’d want you after that would be endless.” He laughed as he said, “I may have to take you to court for that if you say a word to the media.” She giggled softly as she felt her exhaustion begin to take her under. He kissed her gently on her forehead before falling asleep with her.

The next morning, she woke up before him. Her sleep wasn’t plagued with visions and nightmares for once so she actually got some rest. This only served to remind her how much it hurt to leave him like this, as she never gets a restful sleep unless she’s with someone she absolutely trusts. She held back tears as she kissed him gently on his forehead, careful not to wake him up. Best not to make this any harder than it needed to be with a long goodbye, so she quietly slipped out of the room with her high heels in hand. Two feathers left behind on the pillow next to him. One black and one white.

[southside-vixen]

Fire and Ice (Sweet Pea) 5

Chapter 5. Red Spray Paint

AO3

Adrianna Rivera has just made a difficult move from Arizona to the southside of Riverdale. With the history of her life in Phoenix behind her will she be able to find a new family in the Southside Serpents? Or will a certain tall, dark, and rage inducing Serpent cause issues?

A few days had passed and thankfully things finally started to quiet down. School was finally starting to return to normal and Adria still hadn’t heard a thing from her father. It was discouraging to say the least. Thoughts raced through her head ranging from ‘maybe he’s just getting released soon’ to ‘maybe someone placed a hit on him and I’m the last to hear he died from a shiv to the gut’

She couldn’t focus on anything, not like that was out of the norm lately. She was stressed to the point where her morning runs weren’t helping, she couldn’t stomach eating most times, and she would return after school to watch old reruns of telenovelas. Ness was worried to say the least, but despite all the distractions she could think of nothing seemed to help. She knew nothing would improve until Adria heard from the person she needed to most.

Ness placed a heaping plate of tamales in the center of the table, smiling at her own work. It had been ages since she last made a meal at home as she hated cooking for one. When Adria came to live with her it just became easier to order takeout. Seeing her niece depressed for the few days was making her desperate enough to cook and she figured what better than to try to make an old favorite. Tamales.

“Dinner’s ready” She called out to the living room. Adria quietly pulled herself off the couch and placed herself at the dinner table. Her eyes widened when she caught a glimpse of the giant stack on the table.

“You took a break from your cooking hiatus to make tamales?” Adria stacked a few onto her plate “Very ambitious.”

“I think I did pretty well. I followed a blog about Mexican cooking. It’s a good read”

Adria’s face lit up for the first time in days and it was enough to make Ness’ heart swell. She watched as her niece took the first bite, and her face immediately fell.

“Oh wow. It’s great, Ness.” Adria tried to choke down the rest of her bite. It was absolutely terrible. She wasn’t sure if she even soaked the corn husks before steaming them. Ness followed her lead and immediately spat the bite back out

“This is awful. Wow.” She broke down laughing “I guess this is what I get for not cooking for years. Don’t eat that, I’m gonna order pizza.” Ness took her plate and immediately scrapped the contents into the garbage.

“Thanks, Aunt Ness.” Adria got out of her chair and helped her aunt clean up the mess “The thought really means a lot. Also, Maria’s cooking is a tough act to follow so don’t feel bad.” Her father had the same cook since she was a child. Maria was basically family. It was another thing she missed so much from Phoenix. She never gave it a second thought until now, but she didn’t want to know how many people lost their jobs when her father was carted off to prison.

The mess didn’t take long to clean and soon both were munching on slices of pizza, watching Halloween. Adria had her eyes glued to the screen as Judith watched her boyfriend leave her home, not knowing that her murderer was already in the house. The tension was building as Judith turned around to see-

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Adria screamed and jumped nearly a foot into the air before she picked up her phone. The caller display read ‘UNKNOWN’

“Can you press pause? I need to take this” Adria asked, feeling her heart rate starting to return to normal levels.

“Yeah of course, I’ve already seen this like five times.” Ness smiled, shooing the younger girl off

Adria returned to her room and shut the door behind her. She glanced at the screen once more before accepting the call “Hello?”

“Hola mija “her father’s voice came through the speaker and it was like the clouds finally cleared.

“Papá!” She nearly yelled “Where have you been? It’s been weeks.”

“Talking to my lawyers. I can’t say much more than that but I wanted to call you sooner.”

“Are you getting out? Please tell me you are. Aunt Ness tried to make tamales tonight and it just reminded me of how much I miss home.”

The line went quiet for half a minute before Alejandro replied “I wish I could say I was. My lawyers are doing all they can but…it’s not looking good.”

Adria tried to process it as best as she could but it just didn’t make sense. Her family’s lawyers were the best money could buy, there was nothing they weren’t able to do.

“But Papi…” Adria pleaded, hearing a chuckle from the other end of the line

“Papi or no, Mija. I promise you I will be out by your 17th birthday. I’ll even get you a new McLaren to replace the one they seized.”

Adria smiled to herself “Better be the Spider. You know I like to go fast” Maybe a little too fast, it was a good thing none of her speeding tickets ever stuck.

“I do not need to hear that” her father laughed again “You’re nearly a grown woman and I’m missing so much. Tell me about your biker aunt and her home town.” Adria rolled her eyes

“Aunt Ness is great, Papá. She even tried to make tamales tonight to make me feel better. They were terrible but the thought was there. School’s…terrible but its school. I’m making friends! We even have movie nights. They somehow roped me into watching terrible quality old films.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my daughter? The Adrianna I know would never tell me ‘it’s the thought that counts’. As much as I hate to admit it this seems to have been a good choice for you. Although I know your tíos would have loved to have you in my absence.”

There was a small series of beeps on the other end

“Unfortunately, Mija that’s my time. Te quiero. You’re growing into a strong woman and I couldn’t be more proud.”

“Te quiero, Papá”

Just like that, the line went dead. Adria placed her phone down on the night stand and flopped onto her bed. Every time her feeling of homesickness seemed to disappear it would come back with a vengeance.

“Fuck everything” She whispered to herself, staring at the ceiling.

------------------------------

The next day life went on as usual. She rode with Fangs to school, suffered through her classes, and sat down with the Serpents at lunch. When she sat down, no one even paid attention. Which was always a relief. This time, however, Sweet Pea had placed a laptop in front of them. One that was covered in duct tape. Classy.

“Ads, you’re here” Toni smiled “You’ve got to see this, the Northside’s gone crazy and now they’re making snuff films.”

“What?” Adria scooched over to Toni and glanced over her shoulder to watch some red head with an army of well-built shirtless guys behind him. Talking about some Black Hood and how they’re going to take him down.

“Snuff film?” She looked at Toni “This looks like the start to a really weird porno.”

“Hey guys.” Jughead walked up and stopped apprehensively “I guess we’re not watching funny cat videos”

Sweet Pea turned the laptop around to show him and pressed play

“We were just talking about how Fangs can earn his Serpent stripes by bringing us the head of the Northsider that posted this” he gave Fangs a pat on the back as he smirked at Jughead, as if he knew this would get a rise out of him.

“Don’t” Jughead sighed “I know this guy. He’s a football player, kind of a lame target is you ask me.” Just like that his demeanor altered “If you want to prove something, you go after the black hood”

Adria saw Toni’s eyes narrow out of the corner of her eye as Sweet Pea spoke up again

“Why would we do that? The Black Hood is only targeting Northsiders”

‘Thank God for that’ Adria thought

“As far as we’re concerned the Black Hood is doing our work for us. They’ve been blaming us for their problems for years. We’re sick of it.” Sweet Pea finished

Jughead sighed in defeat and walked off, leaving the table in a brief silence.

“Are you sure we need him here?” Sweet Pea scoffed “He’s less of a Southsider than Princess over here.”

Adria rolled her eyes.

“Not only is he blood, he’s FP’s blood. He’s one of us whether you like it or not.” Toni said “As for Adria she’s already proven herself to everyone but it seems like you didn’t get the memo.”

“Yeah. Let’s not talk about that night ever again.” Adria forced a smile, although it probably looked more like a grimace.

“Finally, something we agree on.” Sweet Pea locked eyes with her, as if daring her to say something. For once she didn’t rise to the bait.

“Shut the hell up, Sweet Pea” Toni groaned “No one’s in the mood.”

Thankfully the bell rang and released her from her what could have easily turned into her own personal hell. Adria watched as everyone picked up their bags and slowly started meandering toward their next class.

“Thanks, Toni.” Adria said as most everyone had cleared out of the cafeteria

“No problem. He’s being a huge douche and frankly I think everyone is over his shit now.” She put a hand on Adria’s shoulder “You’re one of us and everyone else thinks so. Ignore the idiot.”

Adria laughed “That really does mean a lot. Anyway, Ness is making one of her ‘specialties’ since her tamales were terrible. So if you want to come over for spaghetti tonight you’re always welcome at Casa de Rivera-Allen”

Toni made a face “Ads, I would love to but I already promised Jughead we would work on the cipher the Black Hood put out…”

“Oh…” Adria’s eyes widened “Well awesome. I hope that goes well for you.” She gave Toni a wink

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Anyone with eyes can see you’ve got a thing for the new boy. I don’t blame you, he’s cute.”

Toni blushed “It’s not like that. He’s got a girlfriend. If you looked up ‘Girl Next Door’ in the dictionary you’d find a full page picture of Betty Cooper”

“Wow. Girl Next Door, huh? Definitely not what I expected from Mr. Dark and Mysterious. I’m sure you’re more his type anyway. Only a matter of time before he sees it too.” Adria nudged Toni in the shoulder “We’ll miss you tonight but definitely tell me how it goes!”

------------------------------

That night Adria passed the time by chopping up mushrooms for her aunt’s ‘special’ spaghetti sauce. Although she wasn’t sure if Ness was allowed to call it special when the base was a store bought can of tomato sauce.

“Fuck!” Adria heard Ness grumbling with her face inside the pantry. She pulled out a can of sauce and examined it “This expired a year ago. I really should clean this whole thing out.”

Adria stopped chopping up mushrooms to look at her aunt “Anything you need me to do?”

Ness sighed “Can you stop by the bodega and pick up a couple cans of sauce? See if Fangs will go with you. I don’t want you out alone after dark.”

Adria sighed and threw on a coat “I’ll be back”

Just as she was told she paid a visit to her neighbor, pounding on his door. For a second she thought about if Fang’s parents would answer the door. Then again, that never happened. It seemed like everyone on the southside was either working multiple jobs to make ends meet or running errands for the Serpents. She probably only saw Ness as much as she did because of child services looming over their heads.

“Fangs!” She yelled

Fangs opened the door, confusion all over his face “What? Miss me already?”

“Terribly. I need someone to walk to the bodega with me. Apparently I’m too frail to go by myself.”

Fangs laughed “Have you seen yourself? Anyway what’s in it for me?”

“Ness’ spaghetti and my appreciation?”

“You got enough for 2 more? Sweet Pea and I are playing video games.”

Adria stopped in her tracks. “Sure…” apprehension was apparent in her voice, but considering she liked to consider herself sane, the idea of a serial killer out and about made her not want to go alone. Even if the bodega was a fairly short walk from the trailer park.

“Awesome!” Fangs smiled “I’ll grab Pea.”

Adria waited outside, rubbing her arms to keep herself warm. Regretting every decision she made up until this point.

Fangs exited the trailer with a disgruntled Sweet Pea following shortly behind. She wasn’t sure how to feel as he looked equally as upset about the arrangement. Honestly, she wasn’t sure how Fangs even convinced him. Especially in that short of a time.

The walk to the bodega was eerily silent. There wasn’t really anyone out on the streets and the company she kept didn’t say a word. Which was concerning but not necessarily surprising. She and Sweet Pea weren’t one to talk to each other by choice and Fangs must not have felt like keeping the peace tonight. Or maybe he was trying to avoid the fact that the awkward silence was his fault for inviting Sweet Pea in the first place.

Adria was now determined to make the trip as quick as possible. In addition to practically running to keep pace with the two boys, she quickly grabbed a couple cans of sauce from the store. She shot a quick text to Ness letting her know they would have two additional people for dinner tonight. All she got back in return was a string of smiley face emojis.

Adria met back up with Fangs and Sweet Pea outside, both of which seemed significantly less tense without her. The two were throwing play punches when they saw her.

“Ready to go?” Fangs smiled “I’m starving”

“Yeah of course” Adria raised the bag for both to see “Got the goods right here.”

The trio rounded the corner only for Sweet Pea to stop all of them

“What the fuck is this?”

Not even 20 feet away from them was the redhead from the snuff/porn video spray painting something onto the side of the bodega. Fangs looked and Sweet Pea and both of them seemed to reach a silent agreement. They weren’t leaving without showing this kid who ran this side of the tracks.

Adria followed the two as they stormed up to the red head and squared off. Adria wasn’t sure what was going to happen but she knew it wasn’t anything good. She stood next to Sweet Pea and Fangs ready to watch the entire scene play out.

“What do you think you’re doing” Sweet Pea shoved the guy’s shoulder so he was facing the group “Southside’s Serpent country.”

“Back off” The guy said “This doesn’t involve you.”

“Yeah?” Sweet Pea smirked “And who’s this for then? Hell, don’t tell me it’s for the Black Hood” he chuckled

The red head tried to walk away but both Sweet Pea and Fangs shoulder checked him, keeping him in place

“Where do you think you’re going?” Sweet Pea continued “You think you can just come here and tag our turf? Go back to the Northside”

“Move before someone gets hurt.” His eyes moved from Fangs, to Sweet Pea, and then locked onto Adria. Almost like he didn’t notice she was there until just now.

Both Sweet Pea and Fangs looked at each other and laughed. Adria was in awe of this kid. Didn’t he know that messing with any sort of gang was usually a bad idea?

Sweet Pea pulled a switch blade out of his coat pocket and released the knife “You’ve just made a big mistake” his smile was easy to see, even in the dark. It was clear he was in his element. As much as Adria would never admit it to a living soul he looked really good doing it. She scolded herself internally.

The guy’s eyes narrowed as he reached into the pocket of his hoodie. None of them expected him to pull out a gun and wave it in their faces

“Who made a mistake?” His voice grew louder to the point where he was yelling. All three were in a state of shock, Adria worst of all. Fangs immediately put his hands into the air, while Sweet Pea lowered his knife.

Adria, however, froze. She never in a million years imagined herself in this position, even with her father’s profession. She always had a sicario or two with her to keep watch but even then no one who wanted to live would dare threaten Alejandro Rivera’s only daughter. Even people who had a death wish didn’t want a death as painful as what waited for them if they so much as looked at her the wrong way.

Before she could even process how to react Sweet Pea grabbed her arm and moved her behind him

“Woah, Woah” he took a step back “In front of the lady?”

Sweet Pea gave her a quick push and whispered ‘run’ before the three of them took off. They didn’t stop running until they were in the safety of Sunnyside Trailer Park.

Adria was still in shock over the whole ordeal. Fangs took the shopping bag from her and led her inside. Adria quickly walked off to the bathroom as Fangs and Sweet Pea talked to Ness in the kitchen. When the bathroom door was shut she turned on the fan and ran over to the toilet, throwing up everything in her stomach. When she finished she walked over to the sink and splashed her face with cold water. The face she saw in the mirror barely looked like her own. She looked broken, her skin red and eyes puffy.

She was quickly brought out of it by a knock on the door

“Ads? It’s me. You good?” Fangs voice came from the other side “Ness wanted me to tell you dinner’s just about ready.”

Adria slowly opened the door to face him, trying her best to look normal. Judging by the look on Fangs’ face it clearly wasn’t working.

“Let’s just get this over with.”

Thankfully Ness didn’t ask too many questions with the guys there. After dinner Adria went back to Fangs’ with both boys. The three sat in silence on the living room floor for what seemed like an eternity. Until Adria finally spoke up

“Thanks for not saying anything to Ness. I’d appreciate if we could keep it that way.”

Both Sweet Pea and Fangs nodded

“Are you okay though, Ads?” Fangs asked “You’ve been a mess since it happened.”

Adria let out a small, sad chuckle “That bad, huh?” She brought her knees up to her chest “Needless to say I never thought someone would have the balls to point a gun at me.”

“Even with your dad?” Fangs asked

“Especially with my dad. He’d have them gutted alive. Do you deal with this a lot?”

“No. Not usually.” Sweet Pea broke his silence “We have to retaliate. If we don’t we look weak.” He looked to Fangs

“You’re right. What’s the plan?” Fangs asked. Both of them were far more serious than she had ever seen them. Given the circumstances it shouldn’t be surprising and yet it still was. She felt like she was seeing a brand new side of both of them and it was fascinating to watch.

“Whatever it is I want in” Adria inched closer to be part of the conversation

“Absolutely not.” Sweet Pea snapped “You froze there. Who’s to say he won’t have it again?”

Adria sat there quietly for a moment. She didn’t have anything close to a good response. She glanced over at Fangs who silently shook his head

“He has a point, Ads. Just let us handle it.” He stood up from where he was sitting “Let me walk you back home” Adria was about to argue as it was literally 20 steps away from his door but he spoke again “I insist.”

Adria groaned and followed Fangs the short distance to her front door; he stopped abruptly and put his hands on her shoulders. Adria raised her eyebrow, waiting for him to reveal whatever was going on in his head.

“I’ll tell you everything. I swear.” Fangs removed his hands from her shoulders and pulled her into a hug, rubbing his hand up and down her back as she started to ease up a bit “If you ever need to talk about what happened tonight I’m just a few steps away.” He let go and flashed her a large smile before turning around and walking back to his trailer.

Ashe watched him disappear into the door and let out a large sigh, sitting on the front step. Once again she felt alone looking to the lit window of Fang’s trailer. She could only imagine what they were planning. She thought about calling Toni before remembering she would be at Jughead’s. Good friends didn’t interrupt quality time with the guy their friend’s trying to bang.

So Adria rest her hands behind her and looked up to the sky, for the first time in a long time able to see stars.

[smarmykemetic]

in another life, nephthys is sitting in a morgue. her fingers go over a body in little searching rivers. she will bring the hearse around and help the body in. in this life, she feels sometimes her real job is protector of the living, not of the dead. who else needs it, after all? the dead are the dead. she arranges them like flower petals. her funeral home comes smelling of coffins, but softly, welcoming. she is known for taking “hard cases,” makes a mangled body look beautiful, the same way she did once, a long time ago, for osiris, who calls her sometimes, when he remembers. anubis and neph get together and shit-talk. she likes dark wine a lot. he likes taxes. osiris is busy. sticks his hands in the dirt and shifts it around. when monsanto comes, osiris floods. catch him out with the bees. catch him telling them the right way to go, but gently. a good leader who is tired, right. had the pride dragged out of him. he likes superman a lot. feels a certain je ne se quoi connection to someone who can’t see through lead. osiris, half-there, half-gone. scattered to the ends of the earth like seeds. anubis - when he’s not folding a fitted sheet - lives in the world of forensic science and judging. dual degree, because he like being busy. meticulous. gets the details right. walks in the world of law and feels a little thrill (just quietly) whenever sentencing someone he knows is guilty. listens well, and always decorates tastefully. eats in tiny bites. likes to cook by weighing things. actually just likes to weigh things. he has a long love-hate relationship of digital scales - so accurate but so unbeautiful. a digital scale takes the uncertainty out. it knows how much a feather heart would be. it is unlike the scales of his hands, the sensation of good/guilty. the word “fair but harsh” follows at his feet. he likes wreaths, the arrangement of something dying. his guilty pleasure is crime tv, although neph won’t watch it with him any more because he can’t help but say things like “in reality, that wouldn’t be sufficient evidence” or “98% of murders go unsolved” or “i can tell by his eyes that he’s guilty”. hathor - twin to destruction - runs a couple’s spa. loves weddings and planning weddings and being at weddings and dancing at weddings. has an elaborate ballroom for elaborate parties where elaborate people go. of course situated on 500 acres of farmland with free-range cows. if you’re really nice to her and she’s really drunk, she’ll let you ride one. always knows what kind of bottle to bring to a party, loves long dresses that flow around her. knows instinctively if you need a hug and is always good for one. once dressed up as sekmet for halloween, to which everyone said “too soon.” has long hair and really bad at palm reading but loves giving advice about your love line. known for massages that are brutal but effective: a little hint of harshness, her twin’s reflection. cries at proposal videos and has a girl’s night every month where they all get together to watch chick flicks. most of them love it, sekmet pretends to hate it just because she likes to complain loudly. sekmet. poor lady. the problem with identical twins is that everyone thinks they’re one and the same person. hathor sprang from a mirror on the day that sekmet looked into her own destruction and split the love she has in her heart with the evil she had wrought. it was lonely, at the end of the world, and her sister came from that loneliness. wears a different pair of glasses every day of the week, always has a biting reply that is unfairly funny. loves glasses that have absurd rims, mostly because she likes watching people squirm when they want to mention them - “do you like them?” she grins, knowing they do not, knowing they will not tell her that, her eyes the unblinking sun glare she’s so good at. she hides in the shadows, doesn’t smile unless you’re uncomfortable, still agrees to get her nails done with hathor every week (coffin-shaped acrylics, obviously). absolutely knows your deepest insecurity instinctively. best friends (and maybe more than friends) with bast. they go motorcycling. bast, made kitten-woman from lion-heart, often gets underestimated, and she’s okay with that. a cat knows when to sheathe claws. how to purr in the right way only to save the fangs for a later day. loves winged eyeliner. buys low, sells high. also runs an all-inclusive women’s shelter and very good at group therapy. the group homes for “lost girls” sprawl across the country. she seems like she’s always there, ready. the minute things get tense and a girl starts acting up: suddenly, her green eyes, watching. that unnerving promise that the protection she offers does not include protection from the growl at the back of her throat. loves stock markets mostly because it’s watching a string, but with data. will also never admit that out loud for any reason ever even if it meant her life was forfeit. kind of has a thing for sekmet, kind of, because, like, who couldn’t. maybe it’s kind of happened a few times oops. often pranks ra, because, like, who wouldn’t. ra works on weekends in animal rehabilitation because where else can you get a hawk in this economy. tired, but good with a smile. teacher at a very fancy art school where he likes to see how many times the words “be creative” can be used in a day. really into that one “miley what’s good” moment from nicki minaj, which he still references even though it’s been a year. tagged it @aset. actually has learned how to get along with osiris, because being in charge honestly got to be too much stress. has convinced hathor his real name is greg. every year he changes it up to something more absurd. last year it was bob. when she gets drunk at the end of the year with sekmet, she always begs him to tell her the truth. he says “okay, okay, okay.” then convinces her it’s Microsoft Word. also owns a large collection of “#1 Dad” mugs. regularly challenges horus to arcade games. horus works in the department of defense. tries to actually defend things, works with the “eye in the sky” and media intake. really likes how cool his eyepatch makes him look. time in this world is so specific, and there’s so much to take in while his eye is wandering. it used to be a lot harder to watch over things. he secretly cries at the movies where the son says “no mom, i’m living your dreams!” but still gets coffee with aset. aset keeps her hair in a bun and her chin up. nobody tries her. on trains, there’s a big circle of space around her, even at rush hour. she bleeds authority. mogul at large, although her interests vary. whatever will bring her upwards, quickly. marriage counselling is quite fun, but she’s thinking about being a divorce lawyer soon. and yet, despite all this fire in her: sweet. knows when to make cookies. she did what she had to do to survive. if you’re loved by her, you’re safe. she doesn’t love often, but when she does, it expands to swell the entirety of space. has a collection of sand dollars and lipsticks. excellent at making someone feel a little less alone. she won’t comfort you with a hug. she’ll show up and be there and somehow, in that knifeblade power she wields, you feel better. whole. set is at the edges. turns out the problem with immortality is that everyone remembers that one time you cain-and-abel’ed your brother. “it’s like,” horus said once while drunk, “can i even trust you anymore?” it hurt worse than set expected. family didn’t matter that much until he was left without it. works in dentistry where he can put people in pain for a fee. secretly covets the color pink; that softer blush than the reds people paint him in. protector of the wild ones, the ones no one else will look after. the darker souls who are still asking for saving. he understands sibling jealousy a lot. sometimes calms people down, sometimes revs them up. cries in bathtubs. feels himself, full of rot. why is it that the gods were made so human, and he, so cruel, so twisted, so evil. to spit at him is good, after all. he breaks like a branch in a storm. goes to pride parades in a mask, wishing for a courage he doesn’t know the name of. he calls toth just to hear him breathe, and then immediately hangs up. and toth? in the land where words are so permanent and impermanent, where wisdom is both a click away and away from those who doesn’t want to see it - doesn’t he suffer the greatest. it was one thing when libraries weren’t a thing. it was another when the world is now a constant updating stream. he feels the echo chambers like bracelets on him. now there’s information everywhere - but nobody willing to actually read. how terrible, how frustrating. and yet: for every person who doesn’t understand “don’t believe everything you read”, there’s another book being quietly self-published that strikes his interest, his longing. in this life, when he can, he turns the computer off and goes for a walk. when he writes come, the gods come. and they talk.

modern (kemetic) gods.

this piece was written for me by the lovely @inkskinned. Thank you so much Raquel!!

[troublemakerfiction]

24.

Millz

“Why does it seem like every time everything is going peaceful for me some other shit pops up?” I asked Darnell while I got dressed.

We were in my room while Dyce, Darius and Zaria were in the living room watching TV. Darnell was taking the boys out with her until my opening later, so I could go and see what’s up with this brother situation. I could’ve gotten Cameron to take them since he got uninvited when he tried to come for my parenting skills. It’s petty but I don’t care; he got too disrespectful and I’m not about to clink glasses with this nigga like we’re cool.

Today I was meeting my brother Dylan for the first time and I was nervous as fuck. I’ve been an only child for the last 25 years and now out of the clear blue sky I have two little brothers. It’s like my life can’t be calm for a minute, it’s always some extra shit going on.

“I’m surprised you’re not upset. You hate not knowing something.”

“I know, I thought I would be but after thinking about it I’m good. It’s not like my dad knew and didn’t say anything. I’m just happy they’re boys, I don’t need a sister.”

“Of course not, you love being his only daughter.”

“Exactly; and I’m not ashamed to admit it either.” I know it sounds childish as fuck but I really have no desire to have a sister. I love being my father’s only daughter, I don’t need another me walking around somewhere.

“That’s a damn shame. So where are you meeting him at?”

“The waterfront; I was going to give him my address so he could come here but I don’t know him like that so that has to wait. We need to work towards that.”

“At least you know you’re not the only one with twins.”

“Right, now I’m wondering where that gene came from.”

“I think grandma’s father was a twin. I heard my dad say it before.”

“Well that would explain it because I was shocked as shit when I found out I was having twins. I have twin boys, now I have twin brothers. That shit is weird.”

“So if everything works out fine what are you going to do?”

“I need to find out what Dominic is locked up for. He’s 19; he shouldn’t be in jail and on Rikers Island at that? Nah I’m not feelin’ that idea. I know grandma got a lawyer for him but the muthafucka is obviously bullshit so I’m going to put my lawyer on it and try to get him out. I’ll be damned if my brother is on some Kailef Browder shit.”

I don’t know much about prisons but I’ve heard real life horror stories about Rikers Island and I don’t want my brother there. I don’t want him in jail period but Rikers is probably one of the worse places he could be. I don’t want him being fucked with and dealing so much bullshit that he feels like he has no other option but killing himself.

“Well you know we got you, and I got the boys so don’t worry about it. I’ll drop them off at my mother’s house later then I can go get ready for your opening. You look cute, if he wasn’t your brother the little nigga would’ve probably hit on you.”

“Shut up Darnell,” I looked in the mirror at my outfit and smiled at my reflection. I was cute, not showing much, keeping it simple. I was meeting my brother, not going on a date so I had to dress like I had some sense.

I grabbed my purse, sunglasses and keys then walked out to the living room. “Darius, Dyce, y’all better be good okay.” I told them before kissing their foreheads. I looked at Zaria and ran my hands through her curls. “You too little Mexico.”

“Millz, don’t make me hurt you. Stop calling my daughter a damn Mexican.” Darnell said as she came in the living room behind me.

“What? She looks Spanish, I’m just saying.”

“She looks like me.”

“You say that like you don’t look like a Mexican too.” I laughed at her.

Darnell gets pissed off if you joke about her being some sort of Spanish.  She says it’s annoying that she constantly has to defend her blackness. I could understand why it’s annoying but it’s funny because she really does look Hispanic. I know I’m not dark brown my damn self but you can see my ass is black. Darnell looks like she was born somewhere English is the second language.

“I’m going to fuck you up, shut up.” She punched my arm.

“Alright I’m playing with you damn, heavy handed ass,”

We all left my apartment and she took the kids with her while I headed to the waterfront. Being that it was only a few blocks away from my house I decided to walk. When I got to the waterfront which is pretty much a boardwalk, I took a seat on an empty bitch that was closest to the Hilton hotel.

“Millz?” Hearing my name I turned around and saw the same boy from the picture Vick showed me standing there. I got up and faced him smiling.

“Hi, Dylan right?”

“Yeah,” He smiled back. For a minute we just stood there looking at each other. It was awkward as shit, but I figured it would be.

“Are you hungry?”

“I mean, I could eat.”

“Alright come on, we’re going to the Hilton for lunch. My treat, we have a lot to talk about and I need a damn drink to handle this shit.”

I grabbed my purse off the bench and we walked over to the hotel going up to the lounge area. We found an empty table next to the window that showed the best view of the New York City Skyline.

A waiter came over and gave us a menu then walked away. I looked through it for a minute then closed it looking straight Dylan. He must’ve felt my eyes on him because he looked up from his menu.

“What? Is something on my face?”

“No, I’m just looking at you. Did you know about me before now?”

He sat his menu on his lap then looked at me. “Yeah we knew, we’ve always known we had a sister.”

“I figured that. Alright, you have to understand something; I thought I was an only child up until two days. If I had known about you, trust me I would’ve been around. Why didn’t your mother bring you around? I’m a little confused as to how she told you about a sister but never reached out to our father.”

“I don’t know, she hasn’t really explained that to me. She brought us up here when we were nine years old so we could finally meet him. Before that she always told us about him, about how he was a good man he was just always busy and working. We were excited to finally meet him, and we get up here and she finds out from her cousin that he was dead.”

“Damn,” I shook my head. “I know that had to hurt,”

“It did; you get so excited about meeting this man that you never met but for some reason you love and respect him. He was like a God to us and we had never met him but our mother built him up so much that we grew to love him. It’s fucked up we never met him, that type of shit fucks with you.”

I let out a light chuckle because I was mind blown. The same way he talked about my father is the same way I felt about him.  My father was the most important part of my life, the closest person to me. It’s crazy that he could feel that way about him even though they’ve never met. I need to have a conversation with his mother because I have some questions.

The waitress came over interrupting my thoughts ready to take our order. We both told her what we wanted and she walked away with a smile.

“What is Dominic locked up for?” I asked Dylan. I wanted to know what type of person we’re dealing with here.

“They’re trying to pin a murder on him, but he’s innocent. He was with me the day it happened, I’m trying to get the courts to understand that but they keep trying to say a different story. They’re talking about it’s a witness saying they saw him there. We don’t even know who it is.”

“Alright when is his next court date?”

“They keep pushing it back.”

“Alright so I’m going to get my lawyer on it. I don’t know who grandma got y’all but they’re bullshit because this taking too god damn long. Do you have proof he was with you that night?”

“Yeah we went to the movies and out to eat with his baby mother and my girlfriend.”

“He has a baby mother? How old is his baby?”

“Armani just turned four years old and Amaya is three.”

“His kids are the same age as mine. Y’all are six years younger than me, what the hell is wrong with y’all?”

“Don’t say y’all, I don’t have kids.” He laughed.

“Good, don’t have none for a couple of years. Tell me something though; what is Dominic into that would even put him in the position to catch a murder charge?”

“I guess you can say the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.” He said.

I knew exactly what he meant; Dominic had his little ass out there selling drugs. I wish I could say I was surprised but I’m not.

“For how long?”

“Since we were 13, he hooked up with some old nigga named Manolo.”

“Manolo? The fuck type of name is Manolo?”

“A corny one that’s what; but yeah he hooked up with that nigga. Even before that he was acting out and it started after we found out about our father’s murder. He just did a complete 180 and became a different person. It started with him fucking up in school. Then he started staying out late and shit. My mother tried to get him under control but it didn’t work.”

“How is his temper?”

“Fucked up, you look at that nigga wrong and he’s swinging on you.”

“Damn, he’s his father’s son and definitely my brother.” I shook my head. It seemed to me like Dominic was just like my father too. “What about you, what are you up to?”

“I play basketball for Rutgers.”

“Really? That’s good, are you any good?”

“Good enough to get a full scholarship.”

“You’re on a full scholarship? Wow, that’s what’s up. I want to know the dates to every game when your season starts. I mean, that’s if you want me there.”

“Yeah I definitely want you to come.”

“So if you have a full scholarship that goes beyond you just being good at basketball. That means you keep your grades up too. How is that you stayed in school and stayed on the right track but he went in another direction?”

“We needed money and he felt like it was his responsibility to get it. Staying in school wasn’t just because of me; he wouldn’t let me do what he did. I tried to get him to let me do it too, I felt like I could have his back. Nobody is going to watch out for him like I would so I wanted to be there but he wouldn’t let me. My mother worked all the time and she did her best but when you have two boys that’s growing out of sneakers and clothes every few months and bills to pay that shit is hard to maintain.”

“So he helped take care of y’all?”

“Yeah, then Amari was born and he started going harder. It was like he had tunnel vision, his eyes were on the money and getting as much of it as he could. I don’t know what he was doing exactly, but I know that he has at least two hundred grand put away.”

“So why did you need help getting a lawyer for him?”

“We don’t know where it is; only he does and he doesn’t want us using it for him.”

“Do you go to visit him?”

“No, he calls me and we talk when we can but I don’t have the transportation to get there.”

“Well I want to visit him, so you’re coming with me when I go. Also, I need to speak to your mother because I have some questions.”

“I’ll let her know,”

“So where is this girlfriend of yours and his baby mother what’s her story?”

“They’ve been together since freshmen year of high school. She and the kids live with my mother.”

“Why?”

“When he got locked up, there was no money coming in so no rent was being paid. She had to move out so she moved in with my mother.”

“Hmm, okay.”

I had my own personal thoughts about that and they weren’t good ones so I kept my mouth shut. I don’t want to judge the girl but if your kids are three and four years old, that’s old enough to be in school which means you have time to go get a damn job. Something tells me she’s not the brightest crayon in the box.

“My girlfriend goes to school with me, she’s plays basketball too.”

“Well I want to meet everybody including my nieces and that will be happening soon. I need you to tell your mother that too.”

“I will. Have you read the letter Dom had sent for you?”

“No, I wanted to meet you first. I’ll read it when I get home.”

“You need to, it’s very important that you do.”

“Okay,”

We continued to talk about his life and how they grew up while we ate lunch. By the time we were done we exchanged phone numbers and went our separate ways. I told him I could just walk to get my car and drop him off where he needed to go but he said he was fine so I went home.

As soon as I got in the house I got Dominic’s letter and opened it. I took a deep breath and unfolded the paper then began to read it.

What’s good Millz, I know this shit is random because you didn’t know about us. My mother wanted to tell y’all about us for the longest time but she didn’t want to disrupt anything. Then when we found out our father was dead she knew you would probably be going through hell so she didn’t want to come out of nowhere presenting two brothers on you. Now that I look back on it I think she should’ve just bit the bullet and told everybody the truth. Maybe shit would’ve been different.

I guess at this point it’s no secret that I’m locked up. Let me start by saying I am muthafuckin innocent. I’m not a saint but I didn’t commit a damn murder and I’m getting out of here so I can continue to take care of my family.  I don’t know if you met Dylan yet or not but if you have I’m sure he gave you the rundown about me.

Finding out about our father’s murder fucked me up. I spent my whole life waiting and anticipating the day I could finally meet my father and when I was about to I get told he was murdered. That shit pissed me the fuck off. I was angry for a long ass time and I acted out because of it. Part of acting out got me introduced to the wrong niggas and I ended up getting into the streets. I have kids to provide for so I’m not apologizing about shit but I just need you to understand that shit. I’m not a fucked up person but I’ve been through some fucked up shit.

That’s not the point of this letter though. I’m writing you to let you know that even though I’ve never met you or our father I love both of y’all. My mother told me all about him, about how even though he was bat shit crazy and had anger problems he was a good man that had to do some bad things to provide for his family. I guess you can say the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree because look where the fuck I’m at.

It’s all good though. I don’t want you thinking we’re coming to y’all for money or for clout because that’s not the case. We wanted to reach out a long time ago but for some reason we never had the courage. When I got locked up I needed a lawyer, so my mom told Dylan to find our grandmother and he did. I know I’m not in a position to ask you for anything because you don’t know me but I’m going to do it anyway. Until I get home look out for my family, make sure they’re good. I’m not even worried about me I just need to know that my kids, my girl, my mother and Dylan are alright.

I would say that’s all I need from you but I really need you to come see as soon as possible. Not just because I wanna finally meet you but I really need to talk to you. I have something to tell you about our father and why he was killed. I know who did it.

As soon as I read the last sentence of his letter it dropped from my hands. My heart started beating so fast it felt like it was about to fall out my chest.  He was nine years old when my father died, how does he know who did it? All type of questions was running through my mind. Ten years later I was about to find out who killed my father and I was getting the information from a brother I had no idea about.

What type of Shonda Rhimes, Lee Daniels shit is this?”

Imani

Walking into Royals hair salon and barbershop I went straight over to my stylist and one of the managers of the shop, Tai’s station and gave her a hug before sitting down in her chair. Tai, who was recommended to me by Darnell, has been doing my hair since I started coming to this salon early this year and she kills it every time. She’s so good at what she does that have to make sure I’m here on time for my appointments because she’s booked out the ass all the time.

Royals is one of if not the best black hair salon in Jersey City. Everybody that works in the shop are top notch stylist, makeup artist, nail techs. To make it even better there were five barbers working there also so they had a big male clientele too. All in all Royals is the shit, and I don’t plan on switching salons anytime soon.

“What’s going on med school?” She joked as I took my hair out of the ponytail it was in.

“Nothing much, getting myself mentally prepared for school. I know it’s about to kick my ass.”

“Yeah but it’s going to pay off in the end so you’ll be good. What are we doing to your hair today?”

“Not extensions this time, I just need a silk press.”

“Did you wash it already?”

“No I didn’t, is Dana here?” I asked about my favorite shampoo girl. I loved when Dana washed my hair because she knew exactly how to do it. The water was always the right temperature and she wasn’t all rough, some of these bitches will damn near pull my hair out.

“Yeah she’s over there, go ahead she’s free.” I got up and went over to shampoo bowls where Dana was.

After she washed and conditioned my hair I went back over to Tai’s station and sat down. She didn’t start on my hair but instead stood in front of me. I looked at her confused and she motioned her head to the station that was across and a few chairs down from hers.  I looked over and rolled my eyes when I saw Kason’s ex Heaven sitting down. If her being there wasn’t enough she was sitting in Star’s station.

Star is like a mixture of Wendy Williams, and The Shaderoom. All she does is gossip and try to start shit. I’ve gotten into it with her a couple of times because she has a bad habit of talking about people I know when I’m here.

When I first started coming to this salon she was cool; annoying as shit but cool nonetheless. One day she was talking about this nigga that played her for some Spanish bitch and it turns out she was talking about my brother.

Apparently when Haze first started talking to NuNu he was fucking around with Star. Once NuNu found out she gave him an ultimatum to either drop all of his hoes or she wasn’t fucking with him. Of course he dropped his bitches and one of those bitches just so happened to be Star.

As soon as she said his name I interrupted her and let her know that’s my brother and you’re not about to sit here and talk about him like he’s a dog or some shit because he did what all niggas are supposed to do once they get in a relationship. Drop the groupies. Star didn’t like that I checked her and since then it’s been some tension between us.

The fact that she has this Heaven bitch in her chair is annoying because I know it’s some mess involved. Like I said, I’ve been coming here for a year now and I’ve never seen this girl here. Now all of a sudden she’s in this salon and just so happened to be in Star’s chair? I can smell the mess about to start.

“Listen, I need you to keep calm and whatever you do, please don’t call any of your family members down here. I don’t need the shop fucked up, Rome will lose his shit.” Tai said talking about her boyfriend, who owns the shop.

“I’m not calling anybody I’m good. As long as they don’t say shit to or about me I’m good.” I told her. I wasn’t about to act an ass in here, I’m not big on making a fool of myself. What I was going to do was tell NuNu to come down here just in case some shit popped off and these hoes tried me.

“Good let me start your hair so you can out of here.” Tai went to her original place behind my chair and started on my hair. I pulled my phone out and sent NuNu a text letting her know what was up and where I was. She immediately hit me up telling me to call her if they tried something.

“Imani you look cute today, I love those shoes.” The other manager Samaya complimented me while she stood at the reception desk doing something on the computer.  “Where did you get them?”

“Thank you, I got these at Neiman’s. I only went in there to find an outfit for Millz’ opening tonight and ended up with these too. Speaking of her opening, y’all are coming tonight right?” I asked Samaya and Tai both.

Tonight was Millz’ grand opening for her Interior Design company and I was excited for her. I know she’s been working her ass off the last few weeks just to make sure everything is right.

Tai and Samaya were both invited because Tai does Darnell’s hair, and Samaya does our makeup whenever we need her to. In my personal opinion both of them were the best in the city as far as hair and makeup go.

“Yeah, you know she wants me to do her makeup so I’ll be there. I have to be by her house at five o’clock as soon as that bitch finishes your hair we can both head over that way.”

“She could’ve come here and had you do it and get her hair done.” I said knowing damn well that wasn’t happening.

“Nah,” Samaya shook her head making me laugh.

Millz wasn’t bringing her ass down here at all. It would be a shit show if she did. Two girls she knows for a fact Prophet cheated on her with still work here, and a couple of his employees if you can call them that; frequent this salon. The way her mouth and temper is set up, it would be nothing but drama if she came down here. To avoid drama they just make house calls when it comes to Millz and sometimes Darnell depending on what she has going on.

“I don’t see why she can’t come here; she’s too good to bring her ass to the salon?” Star griped.

“No she’s not too good but I don’t need her in here beating people’s asses. She doesn’t have to come here if she doesn’t want to.” Samaya responded to her.

“Whatever, y’all act like y’all scared of her whole damn family. They’re not shit to be afraid of.” Star complained some more.

“You sure you want to test that theory?” I asked getting her attention. “Don’t talk about my family. I’m sure you weren’t complaining about us when my brother’s dick was in your mouth.”

“Alright everybody relax. Star you need to stop with your salty ass. Just stand there and do what you need to do.” Tai told her.

“Y’all always kissing her ass,” Star rolled her eyes.

“Ain’t nobody kissing ass you just look and sound stupid over there pressed as fuck for no reason.” Samaya snapped at her.

“I’m not pressed all I’m saying is she thinks she’s better than everybody. All of them do and it’s annoying.”

I ignored her and started scrolling through instagram. I wasn’t about to argue with a bitter Betty, there would be no point in that. If she wants to think I feel like I’m better than her, then that sounds like a personal problem.

The whole time Tai was doing my hair they weren’t talking about anything of importance; as soon as she started to wrap my hair these hoes decided to get messy.

“What’s good with you and your old nigga?” Star asked Heaven.

“Nothing much, he acts like he doesn’t want anything between us but we’ve been chillin’ lately so he must want something.” Heaven answered. I looked over at the both of them and this hooker had a smug grin on her face.

“He probably just has a distraction, but you never forget your first love so don’t worry about it. He’ll come around.” Star responded before chuckling.

“Do y’all have something you want to say?” I asked them. “You clearly want my attention so bad, now you got it. What’s up?”

“This is a conversation between two people. You can mind your business.” Heave said smartly.

“I don’t give a damn who you were talking to. I know who you’re talking about and if you don’t want a problem I would advise you to shut the fuck up.”  This girl was really trying it right now and she was going to be in for a rude awakening.

I’m a quiet person, I don’t mess with anybody I stay in my zone and mind my business. I still let slick shit slide because I’m not beat for the drama, but one thing I don’t tolerate is bitches being on or even talking about Kason a certain way. This broad was really pushing it talking about him knowing damn well I’m sitting here.

“You sound really insecure right now.” Heaven started to laugh.

“I’m far from insecure; however I am annoyed with you sitting over there talking about my nigga like I’m not going to pick up on it. I graduated college with honors bitch and a 3.8 GPA; I’m far from stupid so I know exactly what you’re trying to do and trust me sweet heart you do not want to go there with me.” I told her in a serious tone.

At this point I was pissed off. I do not play when it comes to Kason. I don’t like to fight but I will slap a bitch for that one.

“You need to talk to your man because the nigga sure doesn’t act like he has a girl when he’s around me.”

“Bitch bye you just said he doesn’t want shit from you but now he acts like he doesn’t have a girl? Like I told you thirty muthafuckin’ seconds ago I’m not stupid. Watch your mouth, I’m not about to slap you in here because I respect Tai and Samaya but you’re really pushing it.”

Heaven started laughing took the cape from around her neck and stood up. I couldn’t help but laugh because what exactly was that supposed to do? Scare me?

“Why are you standing up like you wanna do something?” I asked.

“Listen, I don’t know what your issue with me is but me and Kason have history. I was there with him through shit that your rich stuck up ass can’t even fathom. So, If I want to talk about him I can and you’re not going to do shit about it.” She said with her hands on her hips.

I looked at Tai and told her to take my cape from around my neck; she did and I stood up. I didn’t say anything to Heaven; I just went to where she was standing and slapped her. Instead of hitting me back she went straight for my hair and tried to pull me to the ground but it wasn’t working. All the while she was yanking my hair I kept swinging. I was getting her from the left, right and even got a few uppercuts in.

We were going in for a good minute before we finally got pulled apart. Heaven was on the ground slowly being helped up by one of the barbers. I was still mad as shit so I picked up my high heel clad foot and kicked her ass dead in the face.

Before my foot could even hit the ground good Tai was grabbing my arm and pulling me out the door with my stuff in her free hand.

“That wasn’t necessary you fucked her up already!” Tai shouted at me.

Seconds later Samaya came outside with her phone in her hand. “That heel must’ve scratched the shit out of her because her face is bleeding like crazy. She’s probably going to need stitches. Star is calling the ambulance for her.”

“Damnit Imani, why did you do that shit man?” Tai asked.

“I told her to shut up and she got up like she wanted to do something. It was either hit her or get hit first and that wasn’t happening.”

“I get that but now the bitch might be getting stitches and look at your fuckin’ face.” I took my phone from her and opened my camera up so I could see my face.

I instantly got mad all over again because I had scratches on my face. They weren’t so bad that they would leave scars but just the fact that my face was like this pissed me off.

“You need to go before Star hype her up to press chargers or something.”

“I am, I’ll see y’all in two weeks.Thank you for doing my hair even though that bitch fucked it up some.” I told Tai who laughed at me.

“All you have to do is brush it down and you’re good.” She combed my hair down with her fingers while I went through my purse for my wallet. I paid her for doing my hair and told her I would see her later before heading to my car.

When I got in my car I called NuNu putting her on speaker phone so I could talk while I drove.

“What’s good Mani, you getting ready for tonight?” She answered the phone.

“Tell me why I just had to beat this bitch ass in the hair salon.” I said, not even bothering to answer her question or say hello.

“Who? That Heaven bitch?”

“Yeah, she was in there running her mouth about Kason trying to be funny so I slapped her ass. “

“Where are you now? Are you still there?”

“No I’m on my way home and if Kason is still there I’m going off on his ass. This bitch was in there saying he was chillin’ with her and shit.”

“She could be lying; you just said the bitch was trying to be funny. Don’t take the word of a bitch, especially a pressed bitch over your nigga. If you want to ask him about it, fine but don’t go in there beastin’ over nothing.”

“I’m not beastin’ over nothing but I do know that this bitch isn’t just mad for no reason. You telling me he’s not around her at all yet she’s in her feelings enough to come at me on some bullshit? That doesn’t sound right,”

“You’re right, it doesn’t. I’m just telling you not to go in there on some crazy shit. I know how you get when it comes to that nigga and I also know that he’s not about to stand there and let you talk to him crazy. So, I just want you to get yourself together and actually give him a chance to explain. Don’t go accusing,”

“Whatever I hear you, I’m about to pull into the garage I’ll talk to you later.” I ended the call with NuNu as I pulled into the parking garage and went to my normal spot.

When I got up to the apartment I heard the TV in the living room on so I went in there first. Kason was sitting on the couch watching ESPN while Trouble sat on the opposite couch smoking a blunt.

I dropped my purse and keys on one of the empty chairs then went and stood in front of his face. He looked up at me confused then stood up and grabbed my chin.

“What the fuck happened to your face? You get in a fight with a cat on some shit?”

“No I got into a fight with your ex bitch. Are you hanging around her or something?” I asked him.

“Aww shit,” I heard Trouble try to mumble. The nigga can’t whisper for shit.

“The fuck is you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about, that bitch Heaven! Have you been around her? Don’t fuck with me Kason, I’m dead ass serious don’t do it.”

“I’m not doing shit. How the fuck did you even see her and what happened?”

“If you avoid my question one more time, I swear to God.” He was really starting to piss me off. I know he heard me ask him if he was around that bitch and he’s sitting here acting like he didn’t hear what the fuck I said.

“You need to calm down aight, let me explain what’s going on.”

“I don’t want an explanation right now I want you to answer the damn question. Were you around her, yes or no?”

“Yes I was around her bu-“ I put my hand in his face cutting him off.

“But nothing, that’s all I needed to hear.” I went to leave the room but he grabbed my arm.

“Wait, it’s not even how you think it is.”

“Kason, I need to start getting ready. Get the fuck off my arm,” I snatched my arm out of his grip then went to the bedroom slamming the door behind me.

I wasn’t in the mood to here an explanation about him and that girl, the fact that he was even around her period had me pissed off. I don’t care what the fuck is going on, I should’ve known about the situation as soon as he even spoke to her about anything. If she didn’t do that dramatic bullshit in the salon today I wouldn’t have known anything. He clearly wasn’t going to say anything so fuck him and that stupid ass explanation.

The rest of the day I pretty much ignored Kason’s existence. He tried talking to me but he got ignored every single time. The whole car ride to the opening was silent, and when we got upstairs to Millz’ office I immediately walked away from him and busied myself.

It had to be at least 50 people walking around. I recognized a few people we all knew mutually but for the most part I didn’t know anybody there besides the niggas I’m related to.

I was standing by the window just looking outside when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and smiled when I saw it was Millz who was trying to get my attention.

“Congratulations!” I squealed while I gave her a hug. She had finally made it to her opening after having all of her guest wait about 45 minutes. It’s a good thing she had plenty of alcohol and food or people would’ve been mad.

“Thank you,” She said when I let her go. “It looks good right?”

“It does, really good.” Millz’ office was the shit, everything about it was perfect. The decor was on point, she had all of her employees here talking to people. Pictures of the work she did on houses in Virginia were hanging up for people to see. She had her shit on point. “You look great too; that ponytail is everything. Tai and Maya hooked you up I see.”

“They definitely did and they also told me about what happened today. We’re going to talk about the ass whoopin’ you gave out later. I’m proud of you though, that’s what the fuck I’m talking about. Start beating on these bitches and they will leave you alone.”

“I’m not about to fight every girl in the world for no reason. I don’t like doing that, I’m not you.”

“Alright, I’m a little violent. Oh well; too bad so sad. Anyway get a drink and mingle because that’s what I’m about to do.  Have fun okay, where’s Kason?”

“Somewhere around here, I don’t know and I don’t care.”

“Hmm, we’re going to talk about that later too.” She winked at me before walking off into the crowd.

I grabbed a champagne glass off a tray when a server walked past me and went over to where my NuNu, my brother and everybody else were standing around talking. As soon as I walked up they all stopped talking and looked at me.

“Can I have my face back? Damn,”

“Eww, who pissed in your cheerios?” Darnell asked me.

“Nobody y’all were just staring at me like I was the topic of your conversation before I came over here.” I answered her.

“You were; I was asking this nigga.” She pointed to Kason, who was standing right next to her, “What’s wrong with you. You’re walking around with your face all balled up.”

“Nothing is wrong with me Darnell, damn drop it.” I snapped at her. She raised her eyebrow at me then started laughing.

“Okay, hold this.” She gave her glass to Xavier, grabbed my arm and pulled me to the bathroom. “Listen, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you, but your tone is a real problem for me. You don’t want my problem to become your problem so watch that. What’s going on with you?”

“Why don’t you ask the nigga that has me pissed off?”

“What did Kason do?” She folded her arms across her chest waiting for me to answer. I gave her the whole rundown about what happened at the salon and what I found out.

“Star is still messy I see; that bitch doesn’t get enough.” Darnell shook her head in disgust.  “So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,”

“Have you let him explain?”

“No, I haven’t spoken to him since earlier. what is there to explain? I should’ve known from the jump.”

“You still need to let him tell you what happened. You just said you don’t know what to do I’ll tell you what you should do. You need to let that man explain what happened and what the situation is. You never know, it might be something understandable.”

“I don’t care what it is, he should’ve told me.”

“You’re right, he should have. You still need to let him explain what it is. Do that when y’all get home though. Keep your relationship problems at home. When y’all are in public, nobody should be able to tell that y’all are going through it.”

“I hear you. Are we done with this little meeting?”

“You’ve been around Millz too much lately. Come on,” We left the bathroom and went back over to everybody.

“Where the hell did y’all go? Dropping off and shit, you missed my damn speech.” Millz said to us when we got close enough.

“My bad we were talking. I’m sorry, you can tell me what you said later.” I told her.

“Girl bye, what happened though? Somebody needs to get slapped? Wait nah, she did that earlier. My girl, kicking bitches in the face. You’re finally learning.” Millz said with a smile on her face.

“You have some issues.” Vick shook his head.

“I know right; speaking of issues. I met my brother today, well one of my brothers and I found out some heavy shit so we have to discuss that. Not right now because this is about my money, but we will be talking about it. I’ll let y’all know when, but until then I need to go finish mingling. You come with me,” She grabbed Trouble’s hand and walked off.

“Y’all peep that they’re matching?” NuNu said and I chuckled. I did notice that Trouble and Millz are matching. Taking their time my ass, those niggas are together.

Once Millz’ opening was done we all said goodbye to each other then left. When we got in the car Kason didn’t put the keys in the ignition or anything he just looked at me with a serious expression on his face. I tried to ignore it but after five minutes of him doing nothing but staring I finally got annoyed.

“Can you stop staring at me and drive?” I said while looking at him.

“Oh so you’re finally saying something to me?” He let out a bitter chuckle. “You funny,”

“How the fuck am I funny?”

“Who the fuck you cursing at?” He looked at me like I had two faces. “I let that shit slide earlier because I understood why you were mad but that shit is a wrap. Watch who the fuck you talking to like that aight, for real.”

“Just drive Kason.” I waved him off. I wanted to curse his ass out but I wasn’t even about to go there with him. It would just make him go from 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds.

“Nah, I’m not moving until this shit is cleared up. We’re not doing this bullshit all night, so what the fuck do you want to know?”

“Why were you around her and what for?”

“Alright before I go there I’m going to give you a quick back story. Heaven is adopted, and she doesn’t have the best relationship with her birth mother. I don’t know why, and honestly I don’t give a damn. They don’t really get along but she loves her mother. I ran into her a few weeks ago and she was telling me about how her birth mother was in the hospital and she needed help with the bills. Before you even let that inner Millz that’s living in the back of your head out let me finish.”

“Fine, go ahead.”

“She told me about her mother, I blew it off because Heaven likes bullshitting. She actually showed me proof and showed me the medical bills and asked me for help. She was there with me through some shit before so I helped her out and gave her the money. I did go by the hospital like twice when she was there just to check in on her and that’s it. Nothing else happened, I never touched her, I never did anything with her. I never even let her think something was going to happen.”

“Why didn’t you tell me as soon as it happened?’

“Trying to avoid this shit right here. You think I want to go back and forth with your ass? I already knew you weren’t going to be here for it so I didn’t say anything. Now looking back on it that was stupid, but I promise you nothing went on with me and that girl.”

I didn’t need to look at Kason’s eyes to see if he was lying because I already knew he wasn’t. The bitch said it herself that they never did anything before I checked her. I wasn’t worried about him cheating on me but the secrecy shit is what irked me.

“You should’ve told me from jump. Don’t keep secrets from me.”

“I’m not, and I’m done with Heaven trust me.”

“Well you need to tell her that, no more communication after this shit. If you want to help her mother out some more, I don’t care. I have a heart, and her mother isn’t the guilty one so I’m not going to make you stop. Do you have to give her any more money?”

“She told me yesterday she needed a couple more stacks. I was going to drop it off tomorrow and be done with it.”

“Good. I’m going with you. It’s a good thing she won’t have to go too far to visit her mother in the hospital.”

“What you mean?”

“She was there earlier; I kicked her in the face with my heels on.”

He shook his head at me while laughing. ”I see that crazy Diamond shit is finally coming out.”

“It had to kick in at some point.”

The Next Day

“Why are you dressed like you’re ready to fight?” Kason questioned me while we were on the elevator.

We were finally at the hospital so he could give Heaven’s dumb ass this money. He was also going to make it super clear that she had no chance in hell to get anywhere near him again let alone getting back together. I decided to be nice and let him finish handling her mother’s medical bills but this shit was a wrap after today.

“Sneakers mean I’m ready to fight? Kason shut up. If I was going to fight I would’ve been wearing sweats or something, I’m cute today. The fuck?”

“I’m just saying; that’s not really your style.”

“Well I didn’t feel like getting dressed up. Let’s do this and get it over with so we can go eat. I’m hungry.” We got off the elevator and walked down the hall.

“Room 508,” He said as we went past different rooms.

“Does her mother know you?”

“Nah I never met her, I just drop the money off and go about my business.”

“So how do you know what room?”

“She told me because she wants me to see her mother but I never did. I don’t forget shit so,” he shrugged. “Here it goes, you coming in?”

“Hell yeah,” We went into the room and I instantly got confused when I saw who was lying on the bed. “Wait, is this the right room?”

“Yeah this is it; I’m leaving the check on right by the, bed fuck it.” He was about to walk over to the bed but he saw the bothered look on my face and stopped. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Kason this has to be the wrong room. This is not her mother.”

“What are you talking about Imani? This is the room number she gave me. How do you know this isn’t her mother? You don’t even know the bitch.”

“I don’t know that bitch but I know this is not her mother because this is my mother.”

“Hold up, what you say?”

“This is my mother Kason,” I went into my purse so I could get my phone and call my father but the sound of the door opening made me turn around. When Heaven’s eyes landed on me I could see the anger flash across her face.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” She barked at me. I wanted to laugh because she had gauze on the side of her face and I knew it was because of me. Oh well, she shouldn’t have started some shit with me.

“No what the fuck are you doing here? How do you know this woman? You’re so crazy that you wanna stalk a bitch I don’t even talk to?” I said. How the fuck did she even find my mother and why is she even using my mother as a pawn to get some damn money.

“Fuck you talking about? Nobody is stalking you.”

“So you just so happened to show up to the same salon I go to on the same day as me? Yeah no, you were stalking then and you’re stalking now. I know you want him back but bringing my mother into it?”

“Your mother? Bitch I don’t even know your mother, what are you talking about?’

“Hello! You’re standing in her room, this is my mother.” I said and her eyes got big as quarters.

“Oh my God,” she mumbled before covering her mouth. Confused, I looked at Kason who was just as thrown off as I was.

“Heaven what type of games are you playing man?” Kason questioned her.

“I’m not playing games nigga, what the fuck I look like going through all this bullshit with hospital bills to play games?” She snapped at him.

“So what are you doing here then and how do you know my mother?” I folded my arms across my chest waiting for this answer.

“I’m not here because of you, this really doesn’t have shit to do with you. I’m here because I’m supposed to be here. This is my mother.”

“WHAT!” Kason and I shouted at the same time. I looked at her then back at my mother. What the fuck?

[ncfan-1]

Gotham 04X11, ‘Queen Takes Knight’

Mid-season finale. Finally. Let’s see if it introduces a level of drama suitable for a mid-season finale. This is Gotham.

- As with the last time they showed up, I am probably gonna have mute on through Bruce and Alfred’s scenes. I’ve lost interest. I’ll turn the mute off if something interesting happens.

- Poor Mr. Penn is surrounded.

- And we have Gordon and a bunch of cops heading… somewhere? There’s a person on a gurney. Pyg’s handiwork, apparently. Blood-writing on the wall; apparently PYg’s getting out of town. With a new face.

- Poor Mr. Penn is being tortured off-screen while Barbara and Sofia talk (Did... Did Mr. Penn die?). Sofia apparently likes to talk about being a Falcone. She gets a phone call, and from the context I’m assuming her father died.

- No, he’s not dead. Poor Barbara looks positively sick to see him.

- Her glassy face when she says “Likewise” breaks my heart.

- And now Falcone is dressing down his daughter. Carmine, you’re setting yourself up for your daughter to kill you in a fit of rage.

- Carmine calls Sofia out for sleeping with Jim… in an extremely slut-shamey way. Thanks for reminding me again why I hate you.

- Oh, wonderful, Carmine made a deal with Oswald against his own child. Wonderful.

- Is… Is Bruce supposed to have had sex with the girls in his bed? I don’t need this. I don’t want this. I don’t care if he’s legal or not

- Carmine does a little “Don’t thank me for not killing you; you have no idea what you’ve unleashed” with Gordon. Well, I’m glad someone had that moment with him. I just wish it wasn’t this guy.

- Sofia goes for the roses… and pricks her finger. Why do I feel like she was just poisoned?

- Oh, look; black van.

- Drive-by shooting. Carmine gets shot; good riddance. Sofia’s (I think; it wasn’t framed well) shot too. Or maybe not.

- I feel sorry for Sofia because her father (however shitty a father he was) was murdered right in front of her and she has no family left. I do not feel even remotely sorry for Carmine Falcone. Rest in pieces, asshole.

- Apparently Oswald didn’t kill Falcone. And for some reason he doesn’t understand the problem with people thinking he did, because he’s got a death grip on the Idiot Ball this week.

- Zsasz actually looks kinda sad at the funeral.

- Oswald decided to show up at the funeral because he’s really got a death grip on the Idiot Ball this week.

- Sofia’s in a wheelchair now. Apparently it’s gonna be vengeance, vengeance, vengeance.

-Zsasz goes up to the bier and lays a casket in Falcone’s breast pocket, and leaves without Oswald.

- And Bullock’s at the funeral, too. This is shaping up to be the most uncomfortable funeral in the history of everything. And Bullock’s getting his “You’re eating your humble pie” moment. I’m happy for him. This is the least Bullock deserves. The least Gordon deserves, too. Bullock’s a pretty fitting person to deliver that speech to him, too.

- Oswald goes up to Sofia because he wants to prove that he has the Idiot Ball in a death grip this week. I was half-expecting Sofia to tell him something like “Get out of this church now or you’ll never leave”, but nope.

- Quick question. What happened to the Sirens?

- And now we’ve got Oswald in the precinct, calling for Gordon, once again. Oswald sounds deeply, personally offended at the idea that Gordon would value Sofia that much.

- Oswald is “escorted” out of the building.

- Gordon gets a speech. Blech. You’re corrupt, you scumbag; you don’t get to make speeches like the one you just made when you’re as incredibly corrupt as you are. Especially when that little confrontation with Oswald was deliberately to provoke a gang war where people will die, you little twerp. People are going to die because you did this, and you don’t care.

- A shootout goes on in front of tied-up Sirens. This was actually a pretty funny scene. Nice to see Barbara and Tabitha quasi-getting along again, even if I don’t like Tabitha.

- Sofia tells Gordon about Martine. And the cover-up comes back to bite him right about now!

- Zsasz “guesses” Gordon has great leadership skills. Yeah, “guesses” because there’s no actual evidence of it.

- And Zsasz sells Oswald out… for some reason. It’s not very well-explained, like, at all.

- And Oswald is back in a crowded lockup cell.

- Clapping. For someone who patently does not deserve it. Blech.

- This is all being wrapped up way too neatly. Especially considering it’s only the half-hour mark.

- And apparently Zsasz sold out Oswald because he’s still loyal to the Falcones. The foreshadowing, what foreshadowing there may have been, was lousy.

- The Sirens are safe. Good. I don’t care much for Tabitha, but Barbara and Selina being safe makes me happy.

- The Sirens have the club back. Tabitha’s been assholish to Barbara, because of course.

- Bruce and Alfred duke it out. Predictably, Bruce gets his ass handed to him. And Alfred flubs it by socking him in the face. (I’m presuming this came about as the result of Alfred’s much-alluded to unresolved issues and probable PTSD.)

- Ed yelling at Bad Ed.

- Grundy has a surprisingly good understanding of what’s going on. Unfortunately, downstairs a gramophone is playing a very familiar tune. And someone, presumably Tabitha, has come to pick him up. Yeah, it’s Tabitha. Because they just couldn’t let this awful, boring ship die in the furnace where it belongs.

- Well, thank you for not doing the “kiss makes him remember.” But then they follow up with Tabitha promising to either beat him up until he remembers, or until he dies. Which, while not entirely out-of-character for Tabitha, is hardly going to make me support this ship.

- YES, PYG WAS WORKING FOR SOFIA THE WHOLE TIME. YES.

- And Sofia was the one who had her father killed.

- And Sofia is staring down Gordon with a gun. And she is acquainting him with some unpleasant truths, which he is refusing to accept. He’s refusing to accept responsibility, as per usual. And she’s pointing out that he’s brought everything on himself. To the pain, Gordon! To the pain! And all as revenge for her brother. Mother of God, this is everything I’ve ever wanted. Thank you, Gotham. Thank you for this gift. I’m so happy, I can almost excuse how stupid other parts of this episode have been. Make him eat shit, honey; I believe in you!

- I’m so happy I want to roll around on the floor. I’m rolling around in my chair instead since I need to sit up to type.

- You don’t understand; this is perfect. Someone’s finally making him understand just how screwed he is, and just how thoroughly he’s screwed over the city he claims to want to protect. I’m so happy.

- And Bruce has gone to his lawyer and had him draw up emancipation papers. I’d say I feel sorry for Alfred, but he’s been kinda shitty as a guardian, and he did just sock Bruce hard enough to leave a bruise. So yeah, Alfred could definitely be jailed for child abuse.

- And we’ve got Tabitha beating up Grundy. So many times that his brain really ought to be mush by now, if she’s really wondering why he isn’t saying anything. And then she just walks off and leaves him tied to that chair, because she “cares” for him. I guess.

- Bruce does look pretty dead-eyed in that club.

- And we’ve got a scene with Bullock congratulating Gordon, just to twist the knife further. And it turns out Bullock quit, to twist the knife even further. Excellent.

- Grundy wakes up in that chair, apparently perfectly remembering that he’s Butch. I’m so underwhelmed.

- And now we’ve got Oswald raging in Arkham, only for his neighbor to engage him in conversation. His neighbor being Jerome. Jerome, why didn’t you break out when Jonathan took over the place? You probably had ample opportunity.

- Thus ends the episode. The trailer shows us Jerome, Bruce looking at a mark, Barbara looking fabulous, Sofia targeting Leslie, Oswald possibly going over the deep end in Arkham, and one of Bruce’s friends possibly (hopefully­) turning out to be Talia al Ghul. (Where’s Jonathan?)

- Well, it had drama. It had Gordon eating humble pie till he metaphorically threw up. Maybe the next half of the season will have Gordon drown in his guilt and thus start on a redemption arc. And maybe there’ll be pigs in the treetops come morning.

[victor-v]

so yesterday i finished all for the game for the second time in my life (weird thing i've never read a book or series twice) and it wrecked me for the second time. it was unexpectedly nice that i actually understood everything with so much clarity, but that makes sense i've got lot of practice in reading english since then. also, i wrote my thoughts on the book this time.

i can't understand how a book can have such an impact on me, i hate that and i love it, everything else that crossed my mind is under the cut

★huh andrew really bullied aaron into dressing identical to mess up with neil

★"i don't swing either way" is the phrase that made me feel more valid that the whole queer community ever

★neil is pure nihilism

★how can i EVER forget neil wore a tight long sleeved TORN tshirt that andrew bought this is way too much

★seth is dead and all kevin can think about is the line up tbh i do that often

★they are making a scandal about how they sit

★kevin telling neil "destroy him" filled me with power

★the most unreal part is neil ALWAYS keeping his roots another colour the guy must dye his hair every fucking week

★how did neil buy andrew's promise to protect him from the japanese mafia's professional murderers when the only people he physically bullies is an obsessive young adult with anxiety, a princess in high heels and his sunshine sister in law

★wait a fucking minute andrew saw neil filled with terror while holding the phone and immediately gave him the car keys so he could be alone fuck

★nicky fucking hemmick attended to improv class

★ according to dan few athletes were crude enough to start trouble at an ERC event, you mean as crude as neil?

★how to take care of your teammate while he's in a crisis according to: andrew→show concern and reassure him. wymack→10 seconds of vodka

★"hey, jean. jean valjean" is peak comedy

★the ravens walking in v formation is genuinely the most cringy thing you can think of

★neil first finds out the only possible person to date him is andrew because he was jealous of renee are you kidding me

★andrew only missed 13 from 150 shots on goal for fucking real what a Man

★renee is an angel, she's specifically andrew's angel

★neil truly is a watcher

★bee wearing a bee costume is the only good thing on this world

★dan and matt dressed like greek gods!!!!! they can adopt me already

★can you believe nicky is the one who got into neil's brain and planted the idea of realying on someone, and since then neil actively pursues an investigation on andrew's relationship status how on god's name i missed that HOW he's not even subtle about it damn

★he first worries about renee now about kevin goddamn it josten how can't you se how much you care about him

★it's funny how sexuality is such a heavy topic between them when they sure as fuck have some pretty huge stuff going on you know like dying in the hands of the mafia or being tortured

★i imagine andrew running to renee all bonkers like "listen if the cute guy asks, for fucks sake tell him i'm gay but make it ~casual~ maybe this way he'll get it"

★the sole mention of thanksgiving dinner makes me want to die

★kevin is checking the scores in a newspaper I forget this book is so 00's

★they should have spent the day eating turkey and frozen pie at abby's fuckkkkkkkk

★are you kidding me they are in the middle of a conversation and andrew casually chokes neil a little but it's ok they carry on wtf

★"we are all going to regret this" is the fucking worse piece of foreshadowing in this book

★neil interrogating andrew the same night he was raped what kind of fucking piece of shit does that

★i can't fucking believe neil went ahead and shoved andrew's hand under his tshirt in front of kevin, wymack, betsy and two fucking lawyers are you kidding me

★neil asking "are we? friends?" to nicky is so relatable because i also would have an aneurysm if someone told me i am their friend

★someone else tries to flirt with him and he immediately considers andrew how i was too ace to see it the first time i read

★jesus fucking christ riko is one truly fucked up sociopath and neil is the bravest motherfucker on the land

★how can he face riko like that in the nest and be extremely pure in other occasion

★"are we watching the ball drop? i want to make a wish" he wants to make a wish and i want to die thanks

★i can't believe the whole if it means losing you then no and side effect of the drugs shit it's unreal fucking unreal how oblivious neil is too ace to realize anything SOMEONE JUST CALLED YOU "DREAM" THE LEVEL OF ROMANTICISM

★the amount of heavy staring in this trilogy is ridiculous and all i can think about is twilight

★these books made me see how far from the 00s we are, for many reasons, but mostly for some jokes that can't let slide; like calling neil a battered wife, domestic misogynistic violence is not a joke

★i can't believe from all people, wymack was the first one to get andrew was into neil

★"that doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" is such a funny phrase to be said casually why is it

★"you are a racoon, not a fox" oh andrew

★it only took andrew admitting he had a crush for neil to be all sentimental and shit, and that disarmed andrew too

★they are like some kind of animal that while you think they are fighting, they are actually mating, that's exactly what nora meant with feral

★half of last book is neil mooning over andrew jfc

★nicky made neil smile while distracting him from riko im gonna throw myself off a cliff

★i can't quite believe neil goes through a detailed monologue about andrews memory the man is impressed and borderline turned on about every talent on his crushe's shelf

★i literally can't follow and will never understand the quarrel/promise/agreement between aaron and andrew what a bunch of pretentious idiots

★every time neil's phone buzzes all i fear is the fucking countdown

★i thought "i want to see you lose control" was a collective fever dream i can't believe it's written on the books

★if i was nicky i already have told andrew to stop his freaky pretentious shit towards me

★neil to the upperclassman: ha ha fellas is it gay to unthinkingly call andrew in the middle of a anxiety breakdown

★"you gave me a key and called it home" is as soft as heartbreaking i want to jump off a cliff

★"i won't be like them, i wont let you let me be" is actually pushing me off that cliff andrews feelings are a fucking storm

★neil was kidnapped and tortured the day of my bday and that's not a coincidence

★neil's talent to twist the truth in order to convince andrew of anything is outstanding

★excuse me they have no right to be this soft i hate them

★they miss so many opportunities to be funny about the whole "protection" thing

★did he really had a mental breakdown over where to fucking sit on the bus lmao

★"don't come crying to me when someone breaks your face" is the second most awful piece of foreshadowing

★lets be honest for a second andrew should be a fucking writer because all those things he says? edgy myspace pretentious poetry

★im sorry but i don't care about literally anything except neil smiling onto andrew's neck bye

★andrew ghosted a kiss across neil's hip im dead for real

★abby kissed neil's forehead farewell after cleaning all his injuries i have no words he's recieving all the affection he deserves

★cant believe you don't see aaron is fucking worried neil is taking advantage of andrew

★i mean yeah ok don't talk love but neil is sad that nicky thinks it was only hate sex, and he immediately acknowledged it meant more than that to him bc his demi btw wtf does hate sex mean i can't believe you hate someone so much you wanna suck his dick

★they all went horseback riding when will i have a group of friends like that

★"who's humanising who in that relationship" i know right nicky

★kevin locking himself to have a panic attack is the most relatable thing

★the car encounter with ichirou holds the same tension as a mr robot scene

★the proposal of playing olympics and being unstoppable feels like marriage or smth

★neil is literally having his hot girl summer

★i adore neil's overflow of emotions after swallowing everything for so many years. represented, thanks.

★andrew terrorising katelyn who the fuck does he think he is what an annoying asshole

★"did you know i've never been skiing" is the most epic line

★i cheer to the sole mention of laila

★alvares can deck me right now and i would say thank you

★"war is profitable" aaron knows what's up

★sometimes i want to slap them is2g

★that scene at eden's where they are all discussing how roland found out and aaron ends up being the only straight one lmao boy it's your punishment for being so homophobic

★the whole "deadliest piece on the board" spech is 100 times better when you consider kevin was wasted and overly exaggerating every word and gesture

★can you imagine those few fans supporting kevin's new tattoo screaming YAAAAASSSSS QUEEEEEEEEEN while snapping fingers i'm cackling

★matt in court body slamming into anyone that's been a problem to the foxes: VIBE CHECK MOTHERFUCKER

★neil kissed andrew in castle fucking evermore the audacity i adore him

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

Trucy, you don’t need to take sides. There’s one side. The truth. And both Apollo and Phoenix are on that side.

They’re not at the same bench but they’re on the same team. It’s gonna be ok.

-

“I’m sorry too, little lady! this is all my fault..”

Oh so trucy gets an apology, but not Apollo? cool cool whatever 

-

Trucy, if Phoenix and Apollo become bitter enemies over a property dispute then they weren’t really all that close to begin with.

-

Dhurke: invalides trucy’s feelings while simultaneously spouting more of his Manly Man shit

-

“one minute we’re trading blows, and the next, we’re having drinks together”

well if that’s his mentality i can see why he thinks its ok do be an utter fuckwad to everyone

-

“We’re simple creatures at heart! Hah-hahahaha!”

yes... men are so simple at heart... they’re just a bunch of neanderthals... thanks Dhurke, truly you are the way to the future.

-

To be honest, I am glad that this is a civil case. When I first saw the publicity I was sure they’d made Phoenix a prosecutor for no reason and I was furious.

I’m not super glad at the way things turned out but at least the bullshit counter didn’t go into the red and explode.

Phew. I’m actually sighing in relief here. Maybe I can pretend what follows is all a friendly game or something.

-

Aww; poor Judgey’s confused :(

-

...they seriously don’t need to have a falling out to be on the opposite side of a courtroom. Lawyers face each other all the time. 

They don’t have to hate each other, they just have to keep things professional, otherwise they’d cause a conflict of interest. Like... it’s not ideal but tbh it’s more a danger to their clients than each other.

-

Y’know, I’m gonna dare to be optimistic here; as much as I hate this storyline and most people in it, this is actually an interesting and character-developing scenario.

Apollo has to face off against his mentor, the guy who... well I’d say Kristoph taught him all his tricks, but Phoenix was a sort of moral guiding force, I guess. Apollo standing up and holding his own against a superior is a legitimate way to show that he’s come into his own. Plus, since it’s not framed in a negative light (or at least, it shouldn’t be) it’s more impactful than phoenix being straight up evil since that would make it easy to take him down. This is a contest between two people who simply happen to be on opposite sides of the chess board. Again, it’s a pretty legit way to show Apollo’s growth.

...that said, I just wish it wasn’t happening after zero character build up and a heaping serving of bullshit. :T

Oh well. At least they got something right.

-

it is pretty hilarious how much they’re trying to up the drama though. it’s not that deep, guys

-

I guess Atishon just doesn’t have legs 

[snerk] his shitty speeches are actually kinda funny. ...if a little cliché.

-

...he’s standing... but I'm still not ruling out that he’s legless...

-

Tbh, even though Atishon is clearly lying, the fact that Datz basically threatened the orb out of Buff does make this kind of in their favour. 

-

...Apollo, don’t overcomplicate the case. All you have to do is prove that it’s not the crystal and you can have it. 

-

Reasons Apollo would make a good rebel: He doesn’t blab his rebelness all over the place for no reason.

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR MS. SKYE

nice ankles, ms skye.

-

“Ema..?”

“Use some manners, we’re in court”

thats not the way you acted the last time you were called as his witness :/

-

whoa seriously whats with the sudden crazy 180 for Ema? Yeah, she’s grumpy, but suddenly she’s acting like Apollo’s some rude little shit off the street. Why is she upset that he’s going up against Phoenix? Why does he need to apologize? JUST BEING ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE COUTROOM DOESN’T MAKE YOU ENEMIES.

or did the SOJ team forget the lessons we learned in the trilo–– oh who am i kidding they’ve never even laid eyes on those.

-

“You’ll never get the job done with that attitude. Take it from someone who’s been there” Been where???? Been where, Ema?????? what the fuck are you talking about what is going on 

-

haha the fey statue and the urn were ‘stolen’, huh? yeah. stolen from a better game.

-

pfft. So Buff’s some Kaitou Kid type, huh?

-

y’know ive been neglecting to mention it but have you noticed how much they skimp on animation compared to DD? DD had like 20 tiny animated cutscenes, and SOJ has one lame one at the beginning of each case to set it up. I can’t believe they even slashed the animation budget.

-

has anyone noticed how unfocused 3D phoenix looks. he looks like he’s just. staring out into space.

-

i love they don’t use gendered pronouns to refer to Buff’s kid. Remember the last time they did that? Mr. Andrews......

-

“I was shocked to see the urn that came from Kurain in Kurain”

anyway quit referencing actually good games, SOJ. Back to the shame corner for you.

-

oh COME ON. How do you steal a fucking wall relief?! 

and he really couldn’t just get a fucking permit? what the fuck is this

-

“but good intentions are no get-out-of-jail-free-card”

they are a sentence-lightening card, though! either way, this is one of the things i like most about AA. No matter how good your intentions were you still dont get away with cold-blooded murder. 

OR KIDNAPPING, AURA. HAVE FUN IN JAIL YOU SHITTY EXCUSE FOR LESBIAN REPRESENTATION.

-

every single theft of an artifact can be attributed to Dr. Buff. every single one.

-

alright, so we’re back to that whole ‘missing object report’. Thing is, unless there really IS a Crystal of Ami Fey, this wouldn’t work out. Atishon has to provide evidence that he owned the item, or that it existed in the first place. If this crystal turns out to be made up I’m gonna pitch a fuckin fit.

Don’t disappoint me, SOJ.

-

“Wimperson”

ah, SOJ, with all the comedic genius of a third-grader.

...to be fair i could say the same about Larry but i like larry and AA1. and it also plays into his phrase-thingy!

-

seriously. gimme pics of the crystal or we’re gonna have some serious problems.

-

“So how do you know this item is the thing he’s looking for”

“he said so”

THATS. NOT EVIDENCE. 

-

oh judge, your oldness never ceases to be to be enjoyable 

(that wasn’t sarcasm btw i love that dumb running gag)

-

seeing phoenix scream from the opposite side of the table is very enjoyable. just because i love seeing phoenix scream but also like having that scream not mean something bad for my case. 

i get to have my cake and eat it too! <3

-

um i dont think you can put dashes in email addresses.

-

“Don’t tell me!”

“Oh, but I will anyway.”

I love Apollo so, so much.

-

so you looked far enough into this that you tried to hack his computer but you’ll accept “its mine cause i said so” as concrete proof of something??

-

“Maybe the recipient of the email was a dog lover!”

he might be on the other side with the kid gloves off but phoenix is still Phoenix “a baseball also has stitches” Wright.

-

fuck. he walks to the bench. he cant not have legs.

...but maybe........

-

what the fuck

Atishon has the same birthday as my dad

DISGUSTING

-

oh my god, seeing phoenix /sweating/ on the other side is even more surreal

-

i also love that everyones making ‘politicians are gross’ jokes willynilly but they all forget that they’re Criminal Defence Lawyers

-

“This is... Quite... a thing... you’ve said”

I'm wheezing

this is turning out to be way funnier than i expected

please SOJ I'm having fun don’t stop me now

-

i mean he has a point. if Atishon leant the item to Bluff to study that still means that Atishon owned it in the first place.

HOWEVER, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PROOF OF THE ORIGINAL ITEM IN ANY WAY RESEMBLING WHAT WE’VE GOT HERE.

-

its so weird to see phoenix on the wrong side of the bench that i keep getting his voice wrong when i read him out loud. i keep making him sound deep and authoritative instead of... well, how he usually sounds.

-

“Well, grandchildren ARE meant to be spoiled... I mean, that’s what grandfathers are for!”

judgeyyyyyyyyy

im crying

-

ema: can i fuck off now

-

“lets get more info on the crystal”

FINALLY. thank you, athena.

-

NO, NOT ITS HISTORY, DAMNIT

PROVE THAT IT EXISTS AND YOU OWNED IT.

-

“back in the old country”

...england..?

-

pft i though his testimony said “The Hilarious History” instead of illustrious history and i was so ready

-

“he protected the spirit mediums, a minority back then, from the rest of the locals”

well thats a big fat lie because

A) Kurain village is build on mediums

B) no way the Fey clan would allow a male ruler

we could reaaaaaaaallly use some photo evidence, Atishon.

-

“One Ives Shineto”

ok what the FUCK. where the hell are all the women?! HEY. SOJ TEAM. DID YOU EVEN GLANCE AT THE  oh of course you didnt fuck meeeeeeeeee

also whats that pun

-

FFFF PHOENIX YA LIL SHIT

-

“The transformation the mediums underwent when channeling spirits frightened the locals”

i am glad to know changing your entire bone structure is as scary looking as it sounds. of course, i doubt people would be frightened for too long when they were talking to deceased loved ones.

-

i must say they did do a good job writing Atishon’s lines.

-

“The Kurain channeling technique is known to have originated from Kooraheen, and Ami was said to travel there to train”

No, Ami invented the technique, and according to your backstory, she lived there first. Can you even keep your own facts straight?

I mean, apart from all this being bullshit and i hate it.

-

i legit cant believe it took THAT LONG for phoenix to point out the fact that the handover agreement was signed under duress.

that'd be like, the first thing i pointed out. 

...ah, there it is. I knew this couldn't stay a happy little civil case for long. Here comes the murder.

Also, really Phoenix? You didn’t bring up the fact that he might have been killed any earlier too?

-

Now that theyre bringing up the pile of books, I realize how ridiculous it is that there were so many of them on the ground. Pulling out one book might dislodge one or two next to it, but not the entire shelf. For the books to have fallen like that, they would have needed to have been shoved from the other side, or for the shelf to have listed forwards. neither of those things are possible. and nobody noticed this?!

i mean the only reason i didnt think about it was because i knew this was murder from the start.

-

Man, Phoenix, with all your “with respect for the dead” talk, it sure did take you a while to bring up the fact that you knew he was murdered and the police should probably be getting on that right now.

>edit: Actually I just realized how despicable that is; keeping the fact that this was murder secret just to use it later on as a quick bargaining chip in your civil case.

Hey capcom? You can screw up the series all you like but FUCK you for making Phoenix a skeezy piece of shit on par with the likes of von Karma. Because you know who else withholds information that sensitive for such a petty reason? MANFRED VON KARMA. 

Fuck you, capcom, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK you. 

-

“Did you forget who you were up against, Mr. Justice?”

All I do is hurl baseless accusations!!

-

wow the second this turned into murder i just got tired of this case. Also, Phoenix, you better back your butt back to your seat. Being a murder case, this requires a prosecutor... something that you are not.

-

theres AN AUTOPSY REPORT. WHY ISNT THIS A SEPARATE TRIAL.  THIS SHOULD BE A SEPARATE TRIAL; THIS SHOULD BE BEING... TRIAL-ED IN ANOTHER COURTROOM. you can reference it, and use it as evidence, BUT YOU CAN’T JUST COMBINE THEM.

Damnit, Capcom, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISAPPOINT ME.

BUT YA JUST COULDN’T HELP IT, COULD YOU.

-

...Datz is in the gallery... But he was just in jai–– fuck it whatever

-

ok now that this is a murder trial Atishon’s non-answers aren’t funny anymore, theyre ANNOYING. I WANT THIS SHIT TO BE OVER AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. YAP ME A CONTRADICTION OR I’LL CRAM YOUR BELOVED PLAQUE UP YOUR POLITICALLY INEPT ASS.

-

“Try me, o lord of plebs”

its been a long time since any meme-y type person has called someone else a pleb... please try to keep up, SOJ.

-

i love that phoenix, at the end of each statement, politely states “get the fuck on with it, asshat”

-

why the fuck did he 

fall asleep what

OOO THE JUDGE YELL 

AW YEA

-

“What did I ever do to deserve this?”

you existed in the first place, Apollo. I’m sorry.

-

No.............

I do not like that Phoenix used the phrase, “Witness, I think it’s time for you to come clean.”

You know who uses phrases like that.

Assholes.

-

“You should know I always come fully prepared, Justice!”

( buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it––)

-

...Right, so Phoenix isn’t a prosecutor but he sure as hell has been doing a lot of prosecutorial things. Calling all the witnesses, explaining the case, etc.

Oh and he and and Atishon still didn’t tell anybody that Buff was most likely murdered right off the bat so ffffffuck you capcom 

-

Fuck you, Datz. Stop laughing and fucking focus on the fact that you’ve been accused of murder and it’s kinda tough on your ol’ pal Apoll– oh wait silly me i forgot none of you give a rats ass about him. All you do is laugh and eat and sit around waiting for Sadmad to come home.

-

“Better brace yourself, son”

Hey guess what Dad warranty expires if you haven’t made or tried to make contact in 20 years so get that word out of your nasty mouth, Dhurke.

-

“Worried this might make a rift between you two...

...and that you might then leave the agency”

haha

“Hahaha. She has an active imagination”

hahahah

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

-

“...Nothing a little persuasion couldn’t handle.”

Capcom. If it was something douchey. I will tear you in half.

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR

robot guy

-

i remember when i used to be excited for each new case. now I'm just scared what new horrors the next will bring.

-

hang on why does the drone not have a special sound font? if it didnt disguise the operator’s voice it would be kind of obvious who they were...

-

HOLY SHIT MISSILES

SO... THE WHOLE “BOMBS IN THE COURTROOM ARE HORRIFIC THING” FROM DD IS JUST FORGOTTEN, HUH??

-

hang on.

“Capitalist pig; I’ll turn you into pork stroganoff”

is “Sarge” legit Russian, then? That explains the “Komandir” thing. Shit, I have to change my voice.

-

ok so Sarge is written with an American Sargent phonetic accent, but uses Russian rankings and seems to be communist. What am I missing???

-

“I guess he does dress like he’s in the military...”

hes a paratrooper!!! why dont you know that? i thought you grew up with him.

-

“That’s true. Papa didn’t keep our house locked up.”

...the... archeologist... with a house full of priceless treasures... didn’t lock his fucking doors.

hey congrats for trusting the mediums and all but guess what? thats irresponsible as fuck and incredibly stupid for a supposed thief so I'm kinda surprised it took you this long to be discovered/bumped off.

-

those have got to be nerf bullets cause firing a GUN in court is just fucking ridiculous. like too far for Ace Attorney. Melee weapons, ok. Long range firearms? No.

...Though... Note to self... Next time, when creating parody prosecutor, you now have legit grounds to just give him a fucking gun........

-

“Sorry, but I’m afraid lawyers are missile-proof.”

Note to self. Upgrade gag prosecutor to missile launcher.

-

ooh, i see this drone is in the same vein as the Assassin’s Radio.

-

“Courtroom warriors don’t use guns or missiles, because evidence is our weapon of choice!”

Ahah! THATS why prosecutors are so violent. They never have any evidence to back up their assertions so they just fuckin ASSAULT people.

-

i... had a little chuckle at ‘truth bomb’

-

“What’s with him and Siberia of all places?”

Well context wise it seems he's some kind of... Defected-to-communist American?

-

Huh. Athena’s powers must be based purely on sound waves then. Interesting. 

Anyway, it’s mood matrix time! Hooray!!! I’ve warmed a lot to the Mood Matrix to be honest. I like the glowy lights.

-

I’m gonna make a guess right now that something was on fire. Cause thats some PTSD shit right there.

-

pfft the gallery was so on board with their new judge overlord. Also thank goodness this is Ace Attorney and this shit is allowed to fly, cause you’d get your ass handed to you if you tried this in real court, pal.

-

Um, I wouldn’t dig any deeper if sarge is still in such a state. It’s not... safe. Either that or you best hope that thing’s bottomless magazine has run out. Plus, I love that whoever’s watching over the actual Sarge in the Lobby hasn’t tried to stop them when they noticed them SCREAMING AND PRESSING THE ‘FIRE’ BUTTON REPEATEDLY.

Or they’ve left Sarge unattended and the Dark Age of the law isn't over because it was an omnipresent thing to begin with...

-

its ok, game. contrary to what you think, you did write Sarge’s backstory in a memorable enough way for me to remember it up until now.

-

Huh. 

HUH.

So... the person involved in writing Ace Attorney Investigations... Has written a sequence in which we must burn evidence to prove a point, huh?

:T

-

DONT YOU HINT AT ME, GAME

-

that solemn moment of reflection doesn’t include Phoenix cause he’s over behind his desk bawling his eyes out

“I’LL BE YOUR NEW PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

-

actually Athena’s got a point. Her tragic backstory is much more similar to Sarge’s than Apollo’s. She can properly relate to losing one’s last family member in a horrific way.

-

S––

Well, considering her age, Cutesie Pan-up shot for Armie.

-

Apollo’s having serious Robin Newman flashbacks right about now

-

ahhhhhhhhhh. her mom was Russian. It all makes sense. Tbh just for now, forgetting everything else, this kind of does feel like an old case. I’m at peace... for now.

-

i guess it’s less of an orb and more of some kind of lantern then. Cause you can’t really burn a crystal

unless its

whitcrystal

hahah

hahahahahahahhaha

-

so far I'm ranking the cases from best to worst: Magical, This part of Revolution, Foreign, Rite and Storyteller. 

-

sgsjgsjsjjs athena’s INTENSE LOOK OF HUNGER as Apollo burns the orb

“I wanna see me some sweet mama goddess”

-

damn shit thats her face

thats uh

o

ohhhh

oh i see. I was wondering what the ‘great power’ the orb could bestow upon people was, and now I realize that since it depicts her face, if someone knows her name, they could channel her. And since she's basically an actual goddess that would bestow some serious power.

not bad, not bad at all.

i know i highly dislike Kooraheen but i legit feel kinda blessed

-

“The issue is crystal clear”

*seals phoenix’s fate with a fucking pun*

-

dont keep saying “did we just win” before the verdict is handed down, you'll jinx it.

-

oh hey, blackmail. its like a perfect reenactment of Capcom getting Phoenix to sign onto this sequel.

-

Phoenix: According to the legend, once the founder returned... She would bestow spiritual power onto the person who solved the riddle.

Apollo: ...Y-youre kidding, right?!

[Apollo looks flummoxed, the gallery whispers. We cut back to Phoenix’s smirk, and then––”

???: Phoenix... Just give it up.

[Phoenix screams in shock. We pan back to Apollo......... Who now has D-Cup breasts and a very familiar face.]

/...i wish.

-

legit tho i cant believe he's trying to pull this. I'm cackling

this is the lawyeriest lawyer ploy ive ever seen

-

“What’s gotten into him?”

bad writing.

-

sdsgsdhjafhgj EVEN THE JUDGE IS CALLING BULLSHIT IM CRYI

-

(sigh) i guess we’re really gonna have to finish this, aren’t we. oh well. on we go! let’s forge ahead!

-

y’know i just remembered that Pearl appeared like, once in this. Was that her only part? I guess she just existed to remind us that Kurain village used to have girls in it.

-

noooooooo fuuuuuuuuuuck

i really hope the contradiction doesn’t require pressing because i aint sitting thru this fuck’s antics again.

-

it has rounded corners.

and its huge.

-

phoenix and apollo’s objections are too similar, i can never tell who’s screaming.

-

“There haven't been many murders there, I take it”

well........ not “many”

-

i love that Atishon pledges to banish murdeer from Kurain village and Apollo is all “yea good luck with that” like Murder is inevitable, even in a tiny village like Kurain.

Thats. kinda terrifying.

...though considering the way Kurain is...

-

i cant tell phoenix and apollo’s voices apart (sigh)

i never know whose objecting 

-

Phoenix: my client couldn't have viewed the murder directly from where he said he was, but the fact remains that he had inside knowledge of said crime!

...phoenix, you’re just trying to help apollo along, right? you didnt seriously believe that that sounded positive to your case, instead of Shady as Fuck, right??

-

“You talk big, Mr. Justice, but do you have what it takes?”

he just finished telling Phoenix he was about to put what Phoenix taught him into practice. Phoenix should be swallowing a lump in his throat and trying not to cry of pride right now.

-

“that suitcase could be a weapon anyone could use!”

yeah... yeah! even someone in a wheelchair!! oh wait wrong case.

..........but we still have someone in a wheelchair

-

a 3D crimscene view

haven't seen that shit since AAAJ

-

‘THAT SHITSTAIN ON THE BOOK PROVES HE WAS HAVIN THE COFFEE SQUIRTS, CASE CLOSED BOYS”

sorry i just felt like being vulgar

-

“and there it is, the final excuse cornered killers are so fond of”

holy shit

i love apollo

-

phoenix shut up please, just shut up

let it end

let me rest

-

oh wait

ah here we go.

-

“hes a bright young politician with a future ahead of him, its in our nations best interests to avoid burdening him with the taint of scandal”

hey, uh Enshiro

ill never forgive you for putting those words in Phoenix Wright’s mouth

-

“Lawyer! Do something! Or a bad thing will happen to ‘her’!”

no? nobody else heard that incredibly obvious threat? nobodys gonna

“whats he talking about? well, i can ponder that later. for now...”

FUCK

YOU

DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN THAT IS CONNECTED TO YOUR FUCKING EARS?!

HOW THICK HEADED DO YOU HAVE TO FFUCKING BE TO NOT RECOGNIZE A GODDAMN THREAT WHEN YOU HEAR ONE YOU 

YOU

YOU PUTRID PICKLED RED PEPPER?!?!??!?!

-

Athena: oh yeah i also heard Atishon making blatant threats at Phoenix but meh, phoenix made me pinky swear not to tell. 

I’m not shitting a lung in fury, I’m just getting rid of an organ i dont need through the nearest available passage. I’m perfectly calm and not cursing this game, Eshiro and his entire team to the pits of their own stupid made up hell.

-

“I had no idea. This must’ve been excruciating for him.”

i wanted to write a sarcastic jingle but i had trouble coming up with rhymes, so the blunt bottom line is:

when you’re not good at writing, simply steal clever and impactful plots from previous iterations so that you’ll seem clever and exciting

i mean

nobody even remembers Farewell my Turnabout anymore, right????

-

what the fuck is his deal with being king

-

OH SHUT UP DURKE 

GO FUCK YOURSELF

think youre gonna steal Franziska and Mia’s thunder????????????? no

you aren’t a fucking fraction of an inch as cool as either of them.

-

“he’s saved my neck so many times”

w

when

-

“where there’s a will, there’s a way”

how about where theres a whip, theres a better game?

-

“wait................... maybe we can summon the founder now that we can see her face??”

aww. you got there in the end, didnt you apollo.

-

...that doesnt automatically spare Maya’s life. Pearl is also a spirit medium. And i’m fairly certain there are other–– oh wait SOJ retconned that neverMIND

anyway, Atishon could still bump Maya off and then force Pearl to channel Mamma Kooraheen

-

OH MY GOD HE JUST BROUGHT UP PEARL

WHY PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID 

-

WIMPERSON BROUGHT UP PEARL

THE IDIOT VILLAIN BROUGHT UP THE FLAW IN YOUR BRILLIANT PLAN 

GSEGFISGUILSGIULSGUI;SRHG

-

“pearl wouldn't help you if anything happened to maya”

um. you morons think he’d politely ask her to help??? he's already kidnapped someone and threatened their death?? he and his founder aren't above torture or blackmail????????????

you FUCKING MORONS

-

why even bother resigning? just do what you did before and let him go to jail.

-

...this’d better just be a lead up to his breakdown animation 

-

YOU COCKSUCKING FUCKSTAINS JUST END IT ALREADY

END IT END IT END IT EDN TI EDNEI HDFI HSRLG SIHFLIHIR HF;LIVHLSIRHIGHISRHOVGLORIH’WI’HSGOI’WSGZIHSI

-

“if only you'd been smart enough to kill the girl, too...”

wow

-

...what the fuck

well that was... interesting.

-

i cant even celebrate Phoenix congratulating Apollo, I'm just so tired

there are like 85 sarcastic remarks i could make but I'm just so exhausted 

-

yay we got the orb

dootdootdoot dootdootdoot

-

even the judge doesnt want to have anything more to do with this.

im right there with ya judgey

-

“All I can say is, thats my boy!”

NO, YOU DONT GET TO CLAIM PARENTAL PRIDE OF THIS KID

HES NOT YOUR BOY

YOU BARELY RAISED HIM

GO HOME AND DO YOUR SHITTY COUP

-

“Still, its kinda nice to be appreciated”

if only you actually were, Apollo

-

yeah, thought so... ill bet they dont even channel her. cop out.

“tsk, thats no fun” indeed, trucy

-

i love how nobodys like “OK WHERE’S MAYA??? IS SHE OK???”

its fine her whereabouts are unknown and the last info on her was just that her life was in danger

pfffff

-

its alright, Armie has a place at the WAO 

-

"i knew if i admitted i could walk, id have to leave the house”

uh honey newsflash: you can leave the house in a wheelchair too. I'm pretty sure your dad would let you stay inside anyway

-

christ how fucking corny can you get. I CAN WALK AGAIN. why dont we just have Tiny Tim in here throwing away his crutch and dancing a fucking jig

-

see, there we are. Maya’s still in danger you fuck wits.

-

and part one is over, folks! i am pooped. and furious.

till next time.

[flameontheotherside]

God's Tests

I know he loves me. I know he has my best interests in heart. I know he see how I struggle with bipolar, ptsd, generalized anxiety and supposedly autism. Erik says I'm autistic and that I need to see a specialist but I don't wanna. Also I not too sure of it myself...

God is really testing my patience and anger problems. Angry because I'm impatient and Impatient because I'm angry. I can't fucking win. I haaaaaaaaaate waiting. Next to boredom I may as well call my lawyer because this is a prison. I didn't even want to be incarnated here in the first place! It's kind of funny but not.

I feel like a little kid throwing a tantrum 😭🤣 Lol!

... Because I see everyone else eating cookies and mom is keeping the jar above my heads. Just going on about l about eating my veggies first before God gives you a break. I should have a fucking swear jar.

Brah, I'm the type of person who waits for an entire show to finish or close to it before I binge watch the fuck out of Breaking Bad. There are a few exceptions and even still pissed the fuck off if I have to wait ten years for the next episode like How To Get Away With Murder. Sucked the fuck in and now on season 5 and I'm really pissed off about that.

I'm gonna wait all of Game of Throwns is on Netflix.

Got way lost at season 5. Then The 100... It got to a point it was getting good but not good enough. So waiting on the whole show on that one. For now bouncing HTGAWM and "new" movies.

Love you flaming cheetos! 😘💞💕❤️

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and shit. channelingerik.com … And YouTube

There is a new Twin Flame in spirit support forum: Spirit Spouse Support Group check it out!

Get your first Twin Flame/Mediumship reading free and take a look at affordable detailed readings here! (◕‿◕)♡

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

aight

lets ends this

-

i love that he's still trying to cheer her up with her terrible crossover idea

phoenix is such a sweetie

-

“...so we may put this dead lawyer walking out of his misery”

hear hear 

just kill me already

-

“she's now slain two high level clergymen...”

one of which was a confirmed rebel but HEY whatever ITS NOT LIEK YOU KILL THEM IN GENERAL ANYWAY

who gives a fuck this trial is janked

-

“bahlgilpo’kon hell- the realm of eternal agony”

wow eternal agony is the bottom hell??? thats like the first hell in dante’s hells; youre soft as runny shit kooraheenism.

-

“there she will suffer the endless punishment of ja’gar by the galuun of Puhlmo’ten.”

SUBTITLES PLEASE 

-

he was killed during the rite but they only found his body like two days later?!?!

what the fuck!?

...and wait a fucking second, he wasnt there when we were fucking investigating BULLSHIT

BUUULLLLLSSSHHHIIIIIIT!!!

-

two consecutive murders constitutes a serial killer??

-

every time sadmad sighs and shakes his head i lose a year of my life

-

Rayfa’s voice is so fucking unfitting; she’s got the voice of a 30 year old woman and she’s supposed to be a whiny-ass 14 year old

do these people know anything about casting??

is it really that hard to get a 14 year old to say a few lines? i was voice acting (not professionally obvs) when i was 14. i sucked, but i was doing it, and there’ve been younger kids working on real shows.

anyway 

-

welp looks like this mcfuck is using a fake name

someone get on that

-

I'm sorry you’re surrounded by such incompetence, Rayfa. and i mean that. i like you now, youre kinda funny.

-

phoenix: plus, yesterday, someone told me how the divination seance used to work

phoenix fucking sucks at keeping secrets jesus christ holy fuck just SHUT UP ABOUT THE REBELS YOU MORON

-

if he says let it go and move on again I'm going to fucking scream

-

“haha! the police overlooked the clergy tattoo on the back of his neck!”

directly below the stab wound. the clergy tattoo. that has significance in their country.

Why do the Kooraheen Police suck so much ass? They can’t catch a running suspect, and apparently they’re all blind.

-

HOW DOES THE JUDGE NOT FUCKING KNOW A RELIGIOUS SYMBOL FROM HIS OWN FUCKING RELIGION?!?!?

-

[insert nahyuta eats (peach emoji)ass joke]

-

“aren't they utterly different shapes?”

...a... peach... and an upside down peach?!

nahyuta 

im gonna blow your mind

this is called a handstand, here, do it with me

-

lazy ass parents naming their kid “real name”

fuck this joke country

this is some ‘who's on first’ bullshit

-

RAYFA LUSTS FOR BLOOD

-

yeah it was freezing on that mountain, of course your estimate was wrong.

i knew this was coming...

-

hebLINDED HER WITH SCIENCE

BEEP BA BOO BA

-

“this article is small in size but huge in importance!”

just like my d––

-

How... did this work? They did a great job of hiding that wound...

also no blood at the “scene of the crime”

yeah not suspicious at all

-

once again the prosecution blames the detective for something they couldn’t have helped :/

GUARD YOUR ASSHOLE EMA, GUARD YOUR ASSHOLE

HOLY SHIT

INSERT REFERENCE TO ABOVE PEACH JOKE

-

loud ass clock inside a secret hideout? good one, rebels. super well done.

-

ahhhh

now that is clever. i like that

although, considering the length of that statue’s beak, he should’ve been impaled right through his body, so.....

you were close, SOJ

glad to see more clever twists though. 

-

game ruins everything with blatant hints

-

there are other cases where they can tell when two weapons have been used on the same wound

why cant they tell now?

-

stone sharp enough to cut skin??

-

your hideout is fucking death trap

good going rebels

-

youre using serial killer wrong... again

-

thats a lie, nobody likes swiss cheese

-

LAY OFF CHEESE YOU PIECE OF SHIT

ILL RIP YOUR ASS OUT

-

“what you said is total bullshit!! heres what happened; this, this this. and since I said it ,its true! without any proof!!! SO THERE”

-

phoenix: VALID POINT!

sadmad: bullshit excuse

judge: sounds legit, overruled!

-

“jeez just toss me an Axe if its that bad...”

-

“plotting your escapee from this sacred hall?”

yeah well just run out

-

“you would pin a crime upon the dead, who you know tell no tales?”

uh

did you just forget the whole

soul pool thing or

are you just stupid

-

aw baby here we go

-

stop saying 30% you dont know shit

-

oh my god

whoa whats he doing with the magatama

-

“wait... i think i saw something just now...”

what, phoenix

what did you see, hmm?

-

“the power of prayer! yes... it uh... helps you... install listening devices in your secrets base uuhhhhhh...ITS NOT WEIRD

-

“She has a way of putting me at ease...”

(weeps) my babies

-

(sigh) its the wife, get on with it

-

“long years of ascetic training have sharpened my ears”

god the training is more useful to Athena than it is Maya. this is depressing.

-

make like a mollusc and clam up??? who says that???????

-

boy you sure fuckin suck at this Mr. Inmee

-

judging by that KAAHHH Tahrust should have a deep voice, and DD had a deeper male voice blip... why aren't they using it? they've already implemented singing blips and tutting blips, did they forget about the extra deep blips?

or are those reserved for demons?

he is a ghost...

-

...how far along is behleeb anyway? either I'm blind or the sprite artist forgot to give her a baby bump.

hey yeah! she's barely pregnant! her character art shows that! so its not so much of a stretch that she could be running around killing rebels. Plus, she hasn’t been pregnant for two years...

...of course, its not her, it’s rUHEEL NAYMUH, but still. she’s not far along enough to be inconvenienced by her child. 

-

potato potahto tomahto egg salad!!

stop praying at me, nahyuta.

-

dont you fucking dare...

dont you even fucking dare

-

THEY DARED

I SWEAR TO FUCK

i swear to fuck 

so. youre gonna blame maya. for the actions. of YOUR OWN GODDESS. 

WHO’S GREAT AND POWERFUL AND MYSTICAL AND WISE AND PERFECT.... UNLESS SHE’S BEING CHANNELED BY A DIRTY FOREIGNER?

i just i cannot express how angry this makes me. it doesn’t make any fucking sense and it’s complete and utter hypocrisy. it’s even worse than before;  before they were suggesting that the person dressed as Lady Kee’ra was killing rebels in her name, if it wasn’t outright her. Now they’re suggesting it was LITERALLY HER, and remember, these people are UBER RELIGIOUS, and they still have a problem with THEIR IMMORTAL GODDESS IN THE FLESH exacting her divine punishment against people THAT ARE HARMING THEIR COMMUNITY ANYWAY???

yes, vigilantism is dangerous. but it gets a little more fucking complicated when you suggest that it’s the legit actions of an ACTUAL GODDESS.

and even if this is the corrupt government just trying to cover up deaths (which it is) why didn’t they just step in and go “Yeah, another Lady Kee’ra murder. All hail the marvellous goddesses. er diarrhoea kooraheen.”

it would be a lot easier and a lot less messy than taking a kid to court. why do they even want Maya out of the way, anyway? She didn’t know any of the rebels, and she posed no threat to their corrupt government. Yeah, Zealot’s dead, but they literally could have just hired another crazy assassin. 

Unless there’s a REAL GOOD FUCKIN REASON for all of this, I call bullshit, bullshit bULLSHIT

-

i think it’s time to let your head go and move on to another room sadmad

at the same time

-

...plus they legit just forgot their own lore.

maya can’t summon Kee’ra if she doesn’t know what she looks like.

that was so easy i didnt have to even press on statements; thats how easy that contradiction is. thats how easy it is to remember something stated five minutes ago, and how easy it is to remember how your own religion works. you fuckhats.

-

oh hey i just realized Tahrust really does call Behleeb his “lovely wife” 

aw. how nice. if only they didnt decide to scapegoat maya.

doesn't matter your intentions; you die if you scapegoat maya. you die by my blade.

-

you ok pal. is an alarm clock really the source of an evil laugh.

-

“indeed! we leave the alarm switched off at all times!”

why would you even have a clock with an alarm on it in a secret base anyway?? and how did phoenix manage to play it in the hideout if the alarm was switched off? 

-

“those distinctive taiko drums”

fuckin’ finally

ive been waiting for that stupid watch to come back for AAAGEES

of course there was a reason maya would mention traditional japanese instruments...

-

y’know it’s funny that he would even make that fuckup in the first place. if he’s a plumed punisher fan, he should know how the theme song goes. his wife was at least a big fan, meaning he’d probably have heard the opening enough times to know that Taiko drums weren’t part of it. Furthermore, if he was banking on the fact that the two themes sound similar to pass off the deception, then it was a huge mistake on his part to define the sound as Taiko drums; thats just a needless detail that could get him caught out, which it did. 

and if he just didn’t know, well... again, useless detail. always bad. always be vague if you wanna get away with shit.

-

ah... at least in death, Raheel Namer didn’t have to suffer the Plumed Punisher theme song.

-

i love that phoenix refers to the show by it’s full title. that’s adorable.

-

now what’s really confusing me is that that Photo of the fam is stated to have been taken during the Feast of whatever. Which is the same time-frame as Reely Real Name’s death. He’s alive in the photo, Behleeb is in the photo, and the Judge and his family are nowhere to be found. But all those things were huge parts of the case, and they couldn’t have eaten before or after because of the whole ‘you can only eat Ghingil for three hours on that one special day’.

am I missing something or going nuts??

that said I'm so glad i can finally present this photo. it’s been gnawing at me as much as the watch thing.

-

“trademark topknot”

-

OH PLEASE JUST LET IT END

ffjglk dlg ljlgkd   hey Tahrust do me a solid and just tell them how you died ok 

please i have a family

i have stomach ulcers

-

oh

off-brand logic 

i totally forgot that was in this game too

-

wow.

“hmm, there’s really nothing to suggest a murder other than the red water in the spring, which only Maya would see and probably not question (considering this isn’t her religion and she doesn’t fuckin know how that shit works) and said spring probably empties somewhere, since it would be swampy otherwise. let’s see... i can KILL MYSELF TO GIVE THE RED WATER A REASON FOR EXISTING or do literally anything else... WELP, BETTER FUCKIN KILL MYSELF. ALL HAIL THE REBELS!”

...well at least he saved maya from contracted a blood disease.

-

tahrust must be pissed that his death came to naught when his own rebel pals gave the secret key to a guy who sold them out in five seconds.

never gets to meet his child... never gets to see the revolution come to fruition... never gets to live happily with his family... all because he couldn’t think of any other solution to protecting that shitty hovel behind a rock.

kinda tragic.

wish i was less angry

-

“there was no weapon at the inner sanctum...”

did everyone just forget the giant bloody murder statue???

-

pohl’fuckya sadmad

-

babe... oh no... don’t give yourself up like this

thats sad

dont 

i feel the sad now

shit

-

“abbot inmee!! summon a physician at once!!’

HES DEAD

WAY TO RUIN THE MOMENT WITH UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY DUMBASS

-

“but murder sanctioned by the crown is still murder”

what’s murder sanctioned by a goddess? apparently you guys are ok with that one. oh unless it’s a goddess being channeled by a foreigner.

soerry im bitter about that one moving on now

-

he lunged at you from behind the stone slab?? nice trajectory moron

-

hang on a second he put reereenaymee’s body in the plaza before prayer time... with the dagger still in him??

HOW DID NOBODY NOTICE THE FUCKING DAGGER

-

“you need not frame the accused for your crime”

for once Sadmad says something smart

-

honestly... suicide really wasn’t the answer. even if it was to protect your wife there were,,,,, so many other options

for example, realname’s last moments, as we saw, made it look like he was killed in the Plaza of devotion. You could have so easily made it look like he was murdered there, by some rando, during the rite. The kooraheen police fucking suck at their job, so it wouldn’t matter. but no; you had to die, and blame Maya.... because she was foreign. A foreigner who came to you for guidance and shelter. 

-

STOP AGREEING WITH ME SADMAD, I DONT LIKE YOU

-

“You must use your law powers to make sure no more innocent people suffer under this shitty law!!

...like Maya did!! .......because of me!!

-

i love that the excuse is like “there’s no way she could prove it was self defence in this government...” to make it all tear-jerking and point out how horrible and corrupt their legal system is...

...and yet, if we remember Reunion and Turnabout, which also included channeling and self defence... It was EQUALLY impossible for Maya to be cleared of the crime on self-defence charges!!

pot calling the kettle black, japanifornia!

-

“lol sorry for almost getting you killed cause i couldn't think of a better plan than kill myself”

yea thanks tahrust, coo-al

-

“I ask that you look after my wife”

er she’s... going to jail... she’s... been outed as a rebel... you do get that right

-

fuck you Tahrust, you made her cry

-

“now you can watch over me from the world beyond”

he cant actually, since they retconned spirits being conscious in the afterlife. good going, capcom.

-

oh man that cutscene was goofy. except for the crying

fuck you Tahrust

-

Maya: :D hOW y'all doin?!

also according to maya Tahrust didnt leave any regrets behind which means that he totally gives no fucks that his dumbass plan endangered Maya’s life and made his wife cry. Dick.

He doesn't even regret missing the birth of his fuckin child. Ass.

-

Sadmad: I owe a debt to you, one that I will return––

Me: Eat a rotten egg.

Sadmad: Wha-–

Me: Go on, master of putrescence. Eat a whole rotten egg. Consume it shell and all. You heard me. Insert the egg into your mouth and chomp down. Times ticking, I’m waiting.

-

i forgot about the stupid butterflies

-

“So I was thinking, Nick, the legal system here is really stacked agains the defence! It’s really unfair!”

YA DONT SAY

-

listen to this happy music playing as everyone is forced to come to terms with all this sad ass shit. also it appears we just forgot about that tiny matter of the government literally putting hits out. Rayfas dad. is doing this. Nobody gonna address that?? No? Ok

-

Maya: QUIT BEINA LIL BITCH

wait what 

what is this new sprite

eurhg i dont like it put it away

thats not maya thats a husk of evil

-

wow. rayfa didnt even know why maya was here training. the bullshit continues to flow...

-

Maya: deciding what is true and what is false for your people...

the actual truth and lies, right? RIGHT? MAYA???

-

ergh this is so... corny? schlocky? it feels forced

-

“Sorry for almost getting you killed anyway VIVE LA REVOLUTION”

-

Yay! It’s vore man!! i kinda missed his stretchy face.

-

oh well that

thats just a really anticlimactic reveal of Dhurke

like tada! there he is! and he's gone! whatever; he's just been talked about in hushed whispers for the last case or w/e!

-

awww the bailiff thinks he can catch a running rebel!! so cute~

-

“The Steel Samurai vs Dhurke the Rebel!”

MAYA. THE LAST FIVE MINUTES WERE DEVOTED TO EXPLAINING THAT THE REBELS ARE THE GOOD GUYS. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM???

-

i love that they keep hammering in that “maya has stayed maya”

see guys??? dont you just feel the magic of the trilogy??? ITS THERE GUYS WE SWEAR

-

Welp, thats it for that case. Now back to America, to visit Athena and BK, and hopefully to read a more enjoyable storyline...