#funny how they changed the narrative so fast once the first one failed

[ammy246]

Grifters Back Then: The Veilguard is woke trash and the poor reviews will prove Bioware is dead!

Grifters Now: Anybody who is positive about The Veilguard is a paid shill and is lying to you!

[semimedieval]

work is done, we NEARLY got done everything we meant to get done, and we're going to make another reread post. poppyworth time

1) hm. first of all, poor moopy having fuck-all to do while we rescue their character and the only person in the same space as rim is fucking monoceros who is no fun to talk to at all because he has two personality traits and they're a) committing arson for no reason and b) saying things like "murder is such a messy business" with no trace of irony

2) impressed with scratchlover999's commitment to posting through it on this rp despite their storytelling ethos so clearly not gelling with ours. we talk about "where is moopy now" but where is scratchlover. i hope they become a woman and fall in love with virginia.

3) the extranei being famous and being regarded as "the heroes" is so fucking funny. things they have done: a) helped a bunch of fairies and unicorns, b) rescued a girl who already lived with them from some robbers, c) failed to save goatville. indikum doesn't need these hormonal teenagers it needs volunteer firefighters.

4) highlights of this nonsense

"What?" she asked, genuinely surprised. "Everyone knows about you. You protect us all and keep us safe from that Monoceros feller"

LITERALLY THEY DON'T

Spark held her head in her hands as a crowd of boys of all ages ran by, holding a sign that read "We love you Spark!"

THE EXTRANEI ARE A BOYBAND NOW. i changed my mind, this rules actually. I like to think they had the sign ready in case she ever came by

Quartz had already found some boys her age and was engaging one of them in animated conversation.

Help. Is the implication that Quarz doesn't want to date unless it's someone in no way equal in narrative importance to her? Or is it a follow-up on earlier and she's enjoying getting what is for once the same kind of unrequited male attention that spark gets? much to think about.

It is worth noting that even in early installments where I make fun of Quartz constantly for being ~girly~, i never made her "boy crazy", that greatest of Girlish Sins. [Spock voice] Fascinating

5) Then Ky gets given a book called "Adventures of the Extranei: Harnessers of the Eight Element Powers," never mind that they in fact only harness six. It for some reason contains detailed examinations of deeply private moments between the crew, which (if I wanted to be a buzzkill) I would say was deeply creepy but obviously the gang is just having fun with Baby's First Metatextuality so I'll let it slide.

6) Then Chuji (who is broadly correct but perhaps overreacting a little) yells at everyone that they've got tozis to revive and rims to rescue. I do think it's at times understated how fairly distinct Augustine Girls are from each other. Chuji's a lot less Perky Yippee :) and a lot more goal-focused with a lot more of a temper than annue, and less uwu shy than holt. just things to bear in mind. Obsidian bodily pulls Quartz from the village and she was like "hey why did you do that i liked being famous :(" and gets told off for not thinking about tozi and rim's fates enough because quartz is not allowed to have fun in this roleplay. (the implication seems be that they were in the village for like.. an hour! a significant amount of time but not MAKE OR BREAK for their fairly generous timeline which is sooooo so fucking fast btw.) that said, obsidian being gung-ho about Bringing Tozi Back is great.

up next:

YOU CAN BRING SQUIRRELS BACK TO LIFE?

and also: LUPUS AND KY BREAK UP!

[kob131]

So because I came across this, I'll make this your problem.

*Ahem*

There’s good reason why I am not a fan of much of Yang’s fanbase.

"Yang never ACTUALLY had any issues with her temper and never tried to brute force a fight!"

Yeah...-

Yellow Trailer: Shows that Yang is capable of quick, defensive footwork and prioritizing targets in her fight against the Malachite twins as well as a weakness to melee weapons with Junior, a far weaker combatant, getting a handful of her hair.

Next solo fight, Vs. Neo in Volume 2 Episode 12: Yang REPEATEDLY attempts to engage Neo in close range, with every single swing and punch being blocked, dodged or countered. While Yang can't display her wide range shots and aerial mobility in the tight traincar- she never attempts to use similar footwork as before nor attempt to change her tactics. The closest is performing a single throw...which is pathetic for Yang.

And yes, this is the result of her temper. Yang, unlike her other fights, is never once shown as smiling, is extremely aggressive, stomps towards Neo and is constantly grunting and glaring. These are signs of ANGER.

Vs. Neon/Flint in Volume 3 Episode 5: Yang never actually hits Neon once before the final shot. Throughout the fight, Yang tries gunning down Neon while missing all shots, attempts to engage Neon in direct combat only ONCE and is constantly shown getting angry with Neon's taunting. Not to mention that what does Neon in, the uneven terrain, wasn't even a plan by Yang. There are no shots of Yang observing her surroundings and focusing on the geyser area and what caused Neon to go that direction was FLINT.

Yang all but won by ACCIDENT.

Third, the aftermath of the Mercury fight- Yang did not attack Mercury out of reflex. Her eyes change color, showing that she was consciously aware of the attack. She choose to attack his leg instead of dodging or grabbing it before handing him over to authorities. This puts her in hot water.

Volume 3, Episode 11, Adam-

"FUCK YOU, SHE WAS TRYING TO SAVE BLAKE!"

Yeah, and she did everything wrong.

We know that Yang can cover large distances in the area while also being capable of maneuvering using recoil. We know that Yang doesn't do well with melee weapons. We know that Yang can switch between long range and short range shots. We know that Yang isn’t all that much stronger than Blake. We know that Yang is capable of maneuvering quickly in close range. We know Yang can react to fast attacks too.

And what Yang does is attack in a way that prevents her from maneuvering in the air, launching herself at an opponent wielding a melee weapon who just proved he broke Blake’s aura while also attacking in a way that prevents the use of long range attacks.

Every single advantage Yang could have had over Adam- she threw to the wind in her anger. And just like any other character that acts this way, the narrative punished her for it. Because it is her character flaw.

“WELL-”

Well what?

Blake could have been unable to move? Adam stepped away from Blake and looked at Yang. Blake was not his target at the time. And it would be such a shame if, say, Yang was rendered unconscious and said possibly immobile Blake was the only one who could save her huh?

She was tired, stressed and exhausted? Such a shame that accounts for most everyone in Beacon at this point and said failings should have been accounted for when engaging Adam.

She was protecting Blake? Again, Adam was staring at her. Blake was not the one in immediate danger. And fat lot of protecting you can do in her way of attacking.

It was more about how strong the villains are? Gee, how do most heroes get stronger? ... By overcoming their flaws? Funny that.

There is no excuse for how Yang acted here. She made every wrong decision possible, nearly DIED making her wounded friend save her and oh yeah! Yang knows first hand just what losing a family member does to people. Yang should know just how devastated Ruby would be if she had died to Adam. (I’d bring up Qrow and Tai...but I also know many of these people would likely revel in their misery.)

“...Well, not like Tai’s advice helped any in the fight against Adam, she still relied on her Semblance!”

Yeah, nice try.

Taiyang: Because not everyone else's is basically a temper tantrum. (laughing and crouching by her side) I'm serious! Once you take damage, you can dish it back twice as hard, but that doesn't make you invincible! It's great when you're in a bind, but what happens if you miss? What happens if they're stronger? What then? Now you're just weak and tired!-

I know people love to pretend the talk begins and ends here...but it’s not.

Taiyang: (toweling off his sweat) I saw your tournament fights. During the Vytal Festival.

Yang: Let me guess. (in mocking accent) "I was sloppy."

Taiyang: No, no, you were predictable. And... stubborn. And... maybe a little boneheaded.

Yang sits up and spins to stare at her father.

Taiyang: Do you realize that you used your Semblance to win every fight after the qualifiers?

Yang: (spinning to have her back to him) So what? How is me using my Semblance any different than someone else using theirs?

Tossing the towel on the ground, Taiyang moves toward Yang.

Taiyang: Because not everyone else's is basically a temper tantrum. (laughing and crouching by her side) I'm serious! Once you take damage, you can dish it back twice as hard, but that doesn't make you invincible! It's great when you're in a bind, but what happens if you miss? What happens if they're stronger? What then? Now you're just weak and tired! You've always been one to burn brighter than everyone else, whether it was with your smile, or, well, I remember your first haircut.

He playfully tugs the hair on the back of her head. Smiling, Yang bats him away. He chuckles and gets up, walking away a few paces with Zwei just behind him.

Taiyang: But you gotta keep your emotions in check. Keep a level head, and think before you act. Your Semblance is a great fallback, but you can't let yourself rely on it. It won't always save you.

He lowers his head, sadness creeping into his tone.Taiyang: Obviously. You definitely have your mom's stubbornness.

-

Taiyang: Your mother was... a complicated woman. Like everybody, she had her faults, but those faults are what tore our team apart. And, it did a real number on our family. You both act like the easiest way to tackle an obstacle is through it. (pointing at Zwei) That strength is all that matters in a fight. But if you just take a second look, then maybe you see... (walking toward her, stepping around Zwei) there's a way around as well. (extends hand) Come on - one more before dinner.

The point of the talk was not ‘You shouldn’t use your Semblance’ but it was ‘use your head.’ And in each battle Yang gets angry in (Yellow Trailer, The Ursas in the Emerald Forest, Neo, Neon/Flynt, Adam), she does just resort to brute force. And the only times it worked was against far weaker opponents (Junior and Ursas). In the event she fights an equal opponent, she gets humiliated at best and nearly DIES at worst. 

Yang’s character flaw, both told and shown, is her emotions controlling her. And like any character flaw, she overcomes it. In the rematch, Yang is shown using a a variety of tactics between offensive pressure and defensive stances, attacking on the ground and in the air, using recoil to move around Adam and keeping her guard up. It is very clear that Yang is fighting differently than before.

“Well, you’re just a Taiyang fanboy. Of course you’d side with him!”

You know, you may have had a point...if not for what is perhaps the most prevailing misconception certain Yang fans love to perpetuate.

That Yang hides her issues and problems behind a smile. ...Which completely contradicts not only her angry outburst in Volume 1 but also her tars at Blake not trusting her at first. No, this is RUBY’S character trait and certain Yang fans lov attributing it to Yang.

Because applied to Ruby, it’s a serious flaw that causes her genuine issues that she needs to address.

Applied to Yang, it’s a pseudo-flaw that’s supposed to make her more noble and pure. Because these people are Yang stans. 

No really, compare the arguments around Adam/Ironwood and these ones and you’ll see a pattern- Switching flaws around to absolve them of serious issues, decrying their in-universe critics, proclaiming that the creators don’t understand them and throw in some bigotry accusations too. The only reason Yang stans aren’t as pervasive is because other characters got louder stans. They still exist and pull the same shit, having done so for LONGER.

And it’s annoying as fuck.

[stellocchia]

Here’s an analysis of the “Tommy’s Plan To Kill Dream” stream (part 2)

Continuation of this here (though it really isn’t needed to read that one to read this as I will be recapping a bit as I go): https://stellocchia.tumblr.com/post/645995202162671616/heres-an-analysis-of-the-tommys-plan-to-kill

This is the less intense part of the stream. They already talked about their plans to kill Dream (well, Tommy’s plan that Tubbo is VERY reluctant about and Ranboo agrees with). We’re moving into the gathering resources for the surveilance post part now. 

As always moving forward I’ll be soley talking about the characters and, for the dialogue, this are the respective colors: Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Ghostbur.

Analysis under the cut as always

So let’s start off with the obvious: I absolutely love how protective Tubbo and Ranboo are of Tommy, I’m glad he has people who actually care in his life right now. We have various examples of this throughout the stream, but the first one is Tommy seeing a creeper, backing off immediatly (because of his hightened fear of pain, aslo known as algophobia apparently) and them immediately destroying the threat. Of course this is also because they don’t want Snowchester blown up, but it’s still sweet nonetheless. 

He also opens up about his algophobia right after to them and asks for some armour, which Tubbo actually provides.

“You’re wearing Dream’s armour, aren’t you Tubbo?” “Yeah” “Okay, I wouldn’t- I genuinely would advice not. Anything that that man’s fucking been too near you don’t wanna be using” Tommy’s fear of Dream by now is just all encompassing. It is also quite peculiar that he would say this while still using Dream’s trident (right? It’s still his right?), though that could simply be because he puts himself in the category of “things that have been too near Dream” by now and really can’t be affected more then he already has been, though this is just a theory. 

Same thing as with the creeper happens with a skeleton a couple minutes later.

“What happened? Holy crap” “Tubbo he beat me to death, he punched me to death” Bee duo starting to realize how serious Tommy’s situation is right after the scheleton encounter because Tommy was just genuinely panicking. 

“Pain it feels so much more real now, ‘cause I know what’s on the other side” “Surely doesn’t that give closure?” “No... no it gives quite the opposite Tubbo” And what a good choice that was narratively speaking! If death did give closure as us and the characters in the story themselves expected, with resurrection it would be meaningless. This way though, death has just as much narrative weight as if resurrection wasn’t there, which is what you want in a story. 

“On a side note for you two: Sam Nook great guy! Really lovely guy! Awesamdude is a bastard and does not deserve to be running that prison. If he let me die he failed his job” We can see that Tommy’s perception of the warden’s duty is strickingly different from Sam’s. To Tommy the top priority should be protecting others from Dream (even if it means compromising the security of the prison), while to Sam the top priority is keeping Dream locked up.

“My therapy update!” We all knew I had to include this one. It’s actually really great because: 

1) Him actually reacheing out to Puffy to get therapy means that he actually recognises that he needs help and is willing to ask for it, which is the first step towards healing

2) Him acting so happy about it is actually such a good message for the younger viewers to see that therapy is nothing to be afraid of and it’s not taboo

One more thing we had him wanting to remove his own statues as they’re a grim reminder of his death in a scene that is very similar to Tubbo on the 16th asking to remove the decorations of the day of his execution. 

“I don’t think it’s a particularly good idea to... try and kill Dream. I don’t know how canon lives work for you anymore, but I only got one left” As I pointed out in the other post the 2 main reasons why Tubbo is reluctant about the plan are that he’s on his last life and that he managed to build a life for himself with Snowchester and Ranboo that he doesn’t wanna loose. 

“Listen guys, I’ve experienced death now, it doesn’t matter how many lives I have left now, I’m NOT willing to go through that again” “Yeah that makes sense actually, that makes sense” This is an interesting question though of how many lives he re-acquired. We know Jack came back with 3 when he did it, but then again, normal rules don’t seem to apply to Jack Manifold. Also I wanted to include Ranboo’s quote there just because he’s literally been nothing but supportive and I love him for it. 

Also all 3 teens decide at once that ignoring the Egg will most definitely make the problem go away, because that has always worked in the past of course! (Also, honestly, good for them. Let the adults take care of something for once!)

“I’m not very god at smal- that’s not true” “Mhmm” “So eh... you guys heard The News?” “The news about what?” “The news about...?” “You know... what-what’s been happening...” “What’s been happening?” “About- about umm... George”  “About George? What happened with the Gogmeinster?” “Oh yeah, he got banned! Twice” “No no, he... he grew a third ear” “Really? Oh man!” “Oh yeah! I’ve seen a photo of that on instagram!” So, aside from this being so funny, the reason I’m highlighting it is because if there is one thing Tommy never struggled with in the past it was small talk. He could literally start blabbering with anyone about anything, no matter how dumb, with absolute confidence. Now he’s struggling with everything (both here and later in the Nether we have similar scenes for it). He is insecure about everything he says and socializing seems much harder for him. Regardless both Tubbo and Ranboo still go along with everything he says with absolute confidence, which seems to help him quite a bit. Considering that his biggest desire seems to be to be treated the same as he was before having them not pointing out his obvious insecurity (while still very obviously noticing it) is probably quite a big thing for him. 

“Why are Punz’s eyes red?” “Why? Oh- Where is Punz?” “Oh, that might mean we have to kill him, he might kill us on sight” “Yeah, he might try to kill you. Where are you Tommy by any me- where are you?” “Yeah, stay away from him” “No I can fucking take him man!” “No because you get scared of damage...” “Tommy... yeah” “I don’t get scared of damage!” “That’s not true” “Tommy where are you?” I loved this scene so much! Tommy didn’t actually even see Punz here, he only saw his face on the players tab, but the other two were immediately on the defensive. Also this is what I mean when I say that it’s not that they don’t acknowledge Tommy’s situation, they’re just trying to give him some normalcy, because, as soon as he is in any actual or perceived danger they’re immediately in high alert. 

“You’re like a living ghost” “I think that’s just called a human Tubbo” “You’re like a human” “That’s just called someone who is alive” “You’re treating me differently” So two things here: 

1) Tubbo still has a lot of confusion towards the whole revival process an that’s what he was trying to express. Ranboo was not particularly happy with his choice of words though and kinda got the defensive tone again

2) Tommy shuts down very fast any time any kind of change is mentioned. In this case the change being Tubbo’s perception of him.

That said they manage to recover the situation really fast with Ranboo making a comparison between Tommy and Jesus (they’re teenagers, what can I say?)

“Tubbo I feel like we’ve grown less close while I’ve been in prison and dead” “That’s ‘cause you’ve been gone for such a long time...” “Do you like me less?” “Nope!” “Well it feels like you do” “Well, that’s all in your head then!” “No” “Maybe you superpower is immagination” “Maybe my superpower is anxiety” Well Tommy, do my job for me, will you? But yes, these kind of thoughts (fretting about what others, especially your friends or family think of you) is extremely common for individuals suffering from anxiety disorders. Also what Tubbo did here was really important, even if it is the bare minimum, he still provided the ressurance his friend needed and that’s good of him. Also, while Tommy’s dependence on Tubbo does shine through quite a bit during this stream Tubbo does continuosly set up healthy boundaries for them (introducing and keeping firm on his relationship with Ranboo and admitting that they did grow apart a bit and he is still confused about Tommy for example), which is extremely good. Ranboo is also presenting himself as a viable option for emotional support, which will actually be good for Tommy in the future as this would mean breaking out of the habit that was ingrained in him of relying on one single person every time. 

“I’m not afraid of anything! The only thing I’m afraid of is, you know, waking up in the morning and...” “The- the thing your afraid of is waking up in the- are you alright? Are you- are you alright man? Are you good?” That’s concerning! But, again, very fitting with his newfound extreme anxiety he seems to be experiencing. Also ConcernedBoo, he just care about his friends and is worried. Pretty sure Tommy fits together with Michael and Tubbo in the circle of people he’s willing to protect.

Also, in case people were wondering, Ghostbur wasn’t handing out sugar because he was a fake Ghostbur, but just because Ranboo gave it to him and it was the only thing he had. Same goes for Tommy calling Ghostbur “Wilbur” and acting as if he was Alivebur and Ghostbur only correcting him after quite a while: it’s not because he’s fake, it’s because he gave permission to Tommy specifically to do so before. As I mentioned in the other post their relationship is complicated, but Ghostbur very much cares for Tommy a whole lot and he came back specifically because he heard Tommy needed help again, it’s not so weird he’d allow him to do stuff he doesn’t allow for others.

“Last time I spoke to you was like a few days ago...” Now, as some people pointed out this could simply be Ghostbur memory being sort of foggy and him not realizing how much time passed. But the OTHER theory is that he remembers talking to Phantommy (which we know happened thanks to Quackity’s lore, as they visited Glatt’s gym together). Honestly both are plausible (if the first one was true then meeting Phantommy may have simply made him upset and he could have forgotten about it, or perhaps he could have just forgotten that Tommy was dead). 

“Ghostbur do you want him (Wilbur) to come back? Because I- I don’t. I don’t think that I do ever” “It’s... I... umm, hm. The-the world needs structure and order and he- he was good at that. He did that-” “No. The world needs less villains and he was a villain if I’ve ever seen one” “But a- a villain is just- is- sometimes the line’s a little blurry. You could say a little blurry, a tiny bit, it’s like a- a villain it’s just a hero you haven’t convinced yet” Now, as much as I love Ghostbur he’s half wrong here. Let me explain: 

Simply put not all bad people can be redeemed for one thing (for example someone like Dream could never be redeemed because he hurt so many people in such horrible ways without ever regretting it), and secondly describing a villain as a “hero YOU HAVEN’T CONVINCED yet” puts the responsability of that persnon’s actions on their victims. As a matter of fact it’s most definitely NOT up to the ones who’ve been hurt to reabilitate the ones who hurt them (which is why Sam managing the prison now is considerable a conflict of interests). They shouldn’t even be forced to forgive that person if the person DOES change for the better. And here’s the crux of the issue: Wilbur hurt a LOT of people. He hurt Tubbo, he hurt Niki, he hurt Fundy, he hurt everyone who joined Pogtopia. And more then anything else he hurt Tommy. He was abusive and manipulative towards him and Tommy has every right to never forgive him. He has every right to be scared of him and regard him purely as a villain, because that’s what he was for him towards the end of his life. 

Ghostbur bringing him back in the hopes that he’s changed at all just means that, once again, the responsability of his possible reabilitation will be left entirely on the shoulders of the teens of the server and the same goes for if there is NO reabilitation. The destruction will, once more, be left for them to deal with. Tommy specifically will have one more person who abused him to deal with. Wether Wilbur will or will not ally himself with Dream doesn’t matter, because he was still a destructive individual on his own (despite of course being that way because of his own mental spiral, but that just makes him more sympathetic, it doesn’t justify his actions nor make them any less hurtful for those around him). 

Also Wilbur’s been dead for 10-12 years in Limbo time, I can’t imagine that doing wonders for his mental state...

There is a scene after that conversation where Tommy was talking about how being dead was, Tubbo asked a question about it and Tommy got upset. Of course the others got confused about his reactions since ha was already talking about, so, to clarify: the probable reason why anyone (aside from Ghostbur apparently) asking him questions about it upsets him is probably because of Dream. He mentioned multiple times now that Dream treating his death as a science experiment when he revived him was extremely traumatic for him. He hates the idea of being “just science” to the people around him. Ghostbur seem to be an exception to this, but that may be because Tommy seems predisposed to just trust Ghostbur more from an emotonal stand-point (perhaps because he reminds him of how Wilbur used to be before he spiraled). 

“I love monster energy” “Monster energy is kind of scary...” “Mhm, it’s for monsters...” Man the very low-key constant self-deprecation sure it’s kinda worrying... I really do hope that someone will help him with his very obvious sef-esteem issues at some point.

“He (Wilbur) spent a lot of time around a bad guy. He spent around a decade, you said, around Schlatt and Schlatt- Schlatt’s the bed guy, Right?” “I don’t think Schlatt’s the only bad guy” “Him and Eret are the bad guys, right?” Once again Ghostbur’s view of things is very naive and still very much stuck in the past. It’s been so long now since Eret betrayal, and they tried to redeem themselves since. Meanwhile it’s also been months since Schlatt died, and, even back when he was alive, he was far from being the only arguably bad person, Wilbur being right there along with him if we consider what his actions caused. And now we have Dream and the Egg, we have Quackity indulging in torture, we have the syndacate having a gestapo arc, we have Jack back on his goal of killing a teen. We can be sympathetic toward many of this people, but this doesn’t change the fact that they hurt others a lot or that their objectives or actions are objectively morally wrong in some cases. By now it’s honestly pretty hard to draw the line of who IS and ISN’T a bad guy.

“Cobble is GOOD, people don’t like it when I use cobble though...” Again, the usual self confidence is completely lacking. This is worse then post exile: back then he still had the full confidence to build an ugly cbblestone tower on Techno’s front lawn, now even using a bit of cobblestone makes him self-concious. 

Also apparently Sam instructed Sam Nook to keep Tommy specifically away from the prison for his own safety. Man’s still looking after him even if he probably won’t manage to do it directly for a while (at least until Tommy forgives him, if he does).

That’s pretty much it! It’s everything I’d consider important that I could find in the stream!

@mysweatymakerstudentworld

[im-gayer-in-french]

Why having an adult, textually bi character mattered to me, a woman who figured out she was bi while binge watching supernatural as an adult: a mega thread.

A fictional character can teach you a lot about yourself. You love and identify with their good qualities, sure, but I think the part you really resonate with is their flaws. For me, Dean Winchester was a window into my life that I was not always comfortable with. He lied constantly to shield his vulnerabilities, he misplaced his anger and often took it around out on the people closest to him, he repressed what he wanted for what people told him he should be, he was forced to grow up too fast and take on the role of a parent when his own failed, and his self-worth was so low that he contemplated suicide at multiple points in the show.

So when I was at my most depressed, my most repressed, and seethed with a self destructive anger I could not define, I picked up supernatural again. And again. Coming back to it over and over like the warmth of a blanket on a chilly November morning. Through him I learned to temper out my toxic edges and through him, I began to hate myself a little less.

Bisexual Awakening is a funny thing. You don't really have a moment of euphoria were the light bulb pops up over your head and suddenly the whole world makes sense. It's more of a quiet thing that in the moment doesn't seem very big. You realize you're #not-as-strait-as-you-thought-you-were, go "yeah that makes sense". Then spend the next year of your life revisiting all formative memories and going "oh. Oooooooh. I might have been a little in love with my best friend in high school."

Coming out though... is frustrating. There's no one big moment of coming out, it's a hundred conversations you have with a hundred different people. In the first couple months of coming out I was met with 1) a solicitation for a 3-way(ew) 2) a long speech about how I would have to choose a side of the fence eventually 3) a LOT of really stupid questions but I couldn't actually get mad at because I had asked all the same things in high school 4) speeches about immorality 5) hurtful assumptions by other queer people 6) deafening silence.

You know the one that hurt the most? The empty, hollow silence.

My mom and I used to watch supernatural together (she's a Sam girl by the way). She loved relationship between Dean and Castiel but always handwaved any time drifted into shipping territory as "why can't men ever be friends". I don't remember if it was during one of these conversations that I first told her I was bi, because my memory does not work linearly and I have told her so many times that they have all begun to blend together into a white haze. I know at least that it was among the first. But I told her and I was met with nothing.

I had prepared myself for anger, for disgust, to be kicked out of her house immediately (I mean she had once over a conversation about abortion, so it wouldn't have been surprising) but I had never considered that she would have nothing to say. It's been nearly 4 years now and she still has never come close to acknowledging that I am not the straight, God fearing daughter that she expected me to be. Every time a conversation brings it up, it is changed. She packs me away into a box, her eyes slide over pride stickers and bright colored wristbands as if they do not exist. And I feel like sometimes, I don't exist. Not to her anyway. Nor is she the only one who speaks to me with their fingers in their ears.

And it makes me furious that they can do that. Because I can pass as a straight person they never have to acknowledge anything beyond that. They can put me in a little box and stick it on a shelf. I can see the relief in their eyes when I talk about my boyfriend, because if I'm not actively dating a woman, they can pretend I'm not queer. They come so close to the truth and look away because it's not something they want to see. Bi people are scary, I think, because we hit a little too close to home. It's easier to accept a black and white version of gay or straight because it gives you a clear "this is what I am and this is what I'm not" mentality so you don't have to look too closely at it. You bat for a single team. But bisexuality blurs the edges. It makes you question where you fall and I think a lot of "straight" people are afraid of the answer.

So when I talk about bi-erasure, it is not from a place of ignorance or assumptions. It comes from a place of quiet pain. Years of hurt and shame, and a desire to scream. I know that I'm not the only one.

That's why it matters so much that Dean was silenced, that the final episodes of supernatural, which had for so long developed the relationship between Castiel and Dean along the sidelines, brought them front and center only to abandon them at the last minute. Castiel's confession is ignored by the narrative, his character brought back by a throwaway line in the final episode. His sacrifice and love are never acknowledged. DEAN is never allowed to acknowledge them. We are being told to ignore years of subtext because we are not allowed to see Dean as anything but the hyper-masculine soldier, wooer of women and lover of pie of the surface text. "Don't look too close" the show is telling us. The swathes of gray look like a fine line from far away.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Confessions.”

Busy day, so just something quick for you :) 

“And so you see, it turns out that Senator Palpatine was Darth Sidious the entire time, and he manipulated the entire system into voting him in as emperor using Anikin to destroy the Jedi council and the next generation of Jedi in training thus securing his position as the most powerful man in the galaxy.” 

Sunny turned her head to Look at Adam Who rested against one of her shoulders using the armor slots in her back to support his weight as they walked through the halls. Their time in warp space was generally a very relaxed time, seeing as most operations aboard the ship were generally entirely automated leaving him with no captaining duties, and her with no security duties.

Taking walks had kind of turned into their thing, and Adam seemed determined to catch her up on the last two thousand years of popular science fiction. He swore that he had copies of all of these movies somewhere, but knowing how Adam was with organization, she doubted he would ever find it.

So far though she had heard fantastic tales everywhere from hard core touristic science fiction to space westerns to weird crosses of satirized science fiction disguised as serious science fiction. She wondered if he realized that he didn’t need all the science fiction geekery considering that he was actually captaining a space ship….

But then again she liked listening to him, so saw no reason to stop him. 

There was a silence for a moment before.

“What about the Drev? Do you guys have any stories, myths, oral traditions, anything like that?”

Sunny shrugged thinking, “Not to the degree that humans do, most of it is simply religious in nature to do with creation and the spirits, and how the different fighting styles were discovered”

“Well that sounds interesting. We talking like Kung Fu master meditates in a cave for forty years sort of thing…. Or am i being sacrilegious?”

She laughed, “No, to both. There isn’t a lot of discussion about the topic, they were warriors…. Generally saints, I guess you could say, and mostly the stories follow the same general structure. Their great clan is being threatened by an uprising power, and it seems as if their greater weaponry and numbers are going to destroy the saint’s home, so in a cry of desperation to the spirits, he wanders off into the wilderness. Generally it follows that he, or she, catches sight of a flame, a spore carried on a gust of wind, or the trickling of a stream, and in it they see some sort of movement that reminds them of fighting. Following the prompting of the spirits, and the movement of, whatever it is, they slowly develop a fighting style that is just enough to break the battle and bring their clan to victory.”

He tilted his head before raising his hand.

She shook her head, “Yes, you on the back.”

“He kneed her in the ribs for that before, “Hold on, I was under the impression that there was a fighting style for stone.”

“Yes.”

“So you're telling me that some poor sod was out waiting for the spirits to give him a premonition and he saw…. A rock.”

Sunny laughed, “No! It's not like that.”

He grinned and continued, “And he emulated the movement of the rock.”

“Stop being such a bastard.” She snorted, “It was a mountain, and he noticed the natural veins running through the stone, and the hard lines that they made with each other, ad emulated THAT.”

“Maybe he thought if he stood still long enough, he could confuse them.”

She shook her head at him, and he laughed, “So, what fighting style is your favorite?”

“I don’t know….” She paused, “Good question, problem is that most of the styles were made for people a lot bigger and a lot better at fighting than me. I know you don’t think so, but I’m not exactly a talented fighter.”

He shrugged, “Good, me neither.”

She stopped abruptly nearly flinging him over her shoulder and onto the floor. He would have gone over if he hadn’t grabbed her by the shoulders, “woah there, trying to throw me off now?”

She had her head turned down one of the nearby hallways, and he turned to follow her. A warm sort of orange light was spilling down from the mess hall, and from it, she could hear the roaring of laughter.

They exchanged looks.

“Should we go check it out.”

He nodded, and, still carrying him, they walked down the hall and into the large open room. What they found was a large group of humans gathered around the central table. The laughter came in bursts between moments of narrative form one of the crew members.

Adam leaped down from her back and walked with her across the floor.

Everyone looked up as he approached.

“Alright, what’s so funny, ad why haven't I been invited?” A group of people moved aside to give them a seat.

“Because we were talking about you of course.” Mav said from where she was sitting criss-cross on the table.

“Probably about how handsome and charismatic I am.” he announced taking a seat

She laughed, “Yeah, sure just that, you caught us.”

Ramirez waved a hand and Krill, who popped up from nowhere gave explanation, “Apparently the humans have found an online database full of anonymous embarrassing confessions, and someone made a… what was it… a thread for the ship, They are very funny.”

Adam raised an eyebrow and looked at sunny, “Oh, now I am intrigued.” 

Narobi reached out a hand handing him over the data screen they had been using, “Go on Commander,take a look.”

He glanced down at the screen expectantly one eyebrow raising, “At least once a week I find that I, without fail, accidentally fall asleep on the toilet. I don’t know why it happens, but the last time it happened I miss the announcement that we were coming out of warp and ended up face first on the bathroom floor with my pants around my ankles. It hurt a lot, but I didn’t go to the Doc because I knew he’d ask questions. I will probably have back pain for the rest of my life or until this deployment eds because I am too embarrassed to tell anyone,”

There was an eruption of giggling around the room.

The commander sighed, “Well now what is my boss gonna think when he sees we have installed seat belts on the toilets because of this guy. 

“I am afraid of space, I think I picked the wrong profession, the problem is, I love the work environment and don’t want to leave.” 

The commander looked up, “Ouch son, I am sure we can make life more miserable if it would make you feel more vindicated, jk I’m not going to do that.”

“My favorite era of clothing in 1700s ball gowns, problem is I am a very large man, and have always been too embarrassed by my size to go get one tailored. I think I would look awesome, but I am afraid what the tailors would think about me wasting their time.”

“Mmm, to bad, If you’re here Anon, I support your goals in life. Or lean to sew, whichever comes first.” 

“I don’t know how to tie my shoes. I grew up in a household with very forward fashion, and none of the new shoes have laces, but after joining the army, where all the shoes have laces, I have always been too scared to ask how. I just always shove the ends in my boots and hope no one notices.” 

More giggling.

“I had never thought that that could be a problem.” the captain Said nodding down at the data tablet, “makes sense though, promise I will teach you how to tie your shoes if you want to know, or you could look up some videos.”

Smiling 

He glanced back down, “I can’t poop unless I take my pants completely off, the only problem is, I have to wear a jumpsuit for work, so when I want to go to the bathroom, I have to be practically naked. No one knows about this, not even my wife.”

“Gota make sure you’re movement  isn’t restricted eh?” Came the next giggled comment. 

“Mmm, honestly I would be way to worried about there being an emergency and having to run out pantsless.”  the commander shrugged, “Lets just go ahead and say that I am perfectly fine with my clothing where it is thank you very much.”

Sunny peered over his shoulder to read the next comment doing the Drev equivalent to raising an eyebrow before reading out loud, “I am in love with my boss, but of course I can’t say anything, so they will never, ever know.”

The commander frowned, “Wow, that is sad. That’s making me said, quick, read another funny one.”

“I did it, I ate all the ice cream sandwiches, but to be honest, I had no idea they were for a thing, and just sort of ate them over a period of a few months. I would apologize, but I think I’d get kicked off the ship for such an offence. I’m Sorry commander, but my crime will remain anonymous.”

“You better keep it anonymous.” The commander grumbled, “You'd at least be demoted for that offence.

“When I was a teenager, I once spent a whole night in jail for trespassing because I went to my crushes house to see if I could get her to come out with me. Of course I threw some rocks at her  window to get her attention, however it turned out not to be her window, but her dad’s window….. He is a very fast sprinter.”

The commander looked up at Sunny, “that is a teenage experience I never had, and I am finding that maybe it was a good thing.”

HE looked back down at the data pad, “I flex in front of the mirror every morning  to get myself in the groove.”

The commander shrugged, “Ok, but who doesn't do that, seems like a perfectly healthy pass time to me.”

Sunny took the next one, “I am not a human, but I am a male, so one day I accidentally walked in one one of my female human friends changing. No big deal, but I saw a boob, and I feel really bad about invading her privacy. Can someone help? I don’t know what to do. I think this is a bad thing, but I don’t know the social rules of human conduct.”

That spurred a round of giggling form the humans.

“So wholesome and sweet.” Someone commented

“Don't worry, I’m sure she understands if it was an accident.” 

Commander Vir leaned back in his seat and cleared his throat to read the next one, “I am in love with my best friend, but don’t know how to go about telling them. I am worried that they would reject me and that everyone would think I am gross or weird.”

“That is also sad, come on guys why are you being so sad.”

The crew shrugged and laughed some more.

“I don’t know my left from my right, it is a legitimate medical problem or so I am told, I just never got the hang of it. The only problem is I am an engineer and directionality becomes kind of important when you are helping to maintain the warp core.”

The commander looked up from the data pad, “Well we haven't all died yet, so they must be doing a good job. Though wow guys. �� He grinned, “You’re all some serious social deviants, especially the dude who falls asleep on the jon. You really need to get that checked out.

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Alex ze Pirate Mini Review 3: About pacing and terrible dark revelations played as jokes.

And here we are at the second part of the arc, which was titled “Abandoned”. And just as a word in advance: While “Underappreciated” was mostly defined by the shitty behavior Sam experiences by his crew and how Dobson crossed comedic lines to the point Alex and her crew come off more as abusive than “funny” in the way they treat Sam or interact with their environment, this one is defined by another major issue Dobson has in his bigger stories overall: Pacing.

 See, the right pacing in a story is really one of the most important basics a creator kinda has to grasp. He or she needs to know primarily the following things in relation to pacing, when planning out a story: What are major events/storypoints/key scenes I want to work towards to, what happens inbetween these points and at which speed do I get from point A to B, C etc.

Cause the truth is, a lot of stories out there follow certain tropes or expectations, particularly when they are part of a certain genre, so people more or less have ideas when a certain “point” is hit, what the next point, if not even the endpoint is going to be down the line. And people also kinda want to reach the endpoint of a story, particularly if they expect doing so will finally give the protagonists they care for (and the audience itself) some sort of satisfying conclusion.

The one thing you can now do however, which can in the worst scenario totally kill an audiences/readers enjoyment of the story and even break your creation apart, is get the pacing wrong. For example by unnecessarily dragging out your story instead of just getting to the point, especially when people just want to reach the next major beat, resulting in increased annoyance by them. This can e.g. be seen in a lot of fanfics when writers create damn arcs within their own shit, or (to give a professionally published work of fiction as example) the manga Bleach, when instead of fighting Aizen and his two major supporters directly, the “war” against him was unnecessarily dragged out by having e.g. a pointless flashback sequence that barely shed new light on certain characters and gave EVERY damn main and sub captain of the Shinigami a shot at some random villain/minion Tite Kubo created on the spot but no one cared about really, just to make the story arc run longer.

Obviously, the opposite can also be the case, where people just rush too fast from one point to the other instead of giving the audience time to even properly comprehend or explain what happened and why it happened. Which can get additionally frustrated, when by rushing through plot points the work of fiction gets overloaded with concepts and ideas that may on first glance look interesting, but don’t have any real payoff in the big picture of things, making it come off as pretentious in some cases and pointless overall. Like the movie Southland Tales, which deserves to be burned off the surface of the planet.

 The “best” case scenario when pacing a story, is to know when you need to slow things down (give characters and the readers e.g. moments to breath and emotionally comprehend a situation they are in, giving also insight into a characters emotional state or personality) and when to speed things up (e.g. when there is a big battle, to know which moments are meant to focus on, but also when to be “faster���, giving really the impression that time is of the essence, that high stakes in a short amount of time are given and to hit a key event at the right moment to get a satisfying reaction from your audience)

 And now, after giving a glance on my general opinion on pacing, in order to avoid me commiting the cardinal sin of dragging things out, lets just get to Dobson’s actual artwork.

  As you can see, the chapter starts off again with the island, but this time now with Sam not part of the picture and its consequences (no one cleaning up the place in the morning). This is not really a bad thing to start the chapter of, primarily because it creates a nice contrast to the beginning of the first part.

Page 3 to 5 however…

Lets just say I get what Dobson tries to show here, but I think is exaggerated to a degree that kinda hurts the narrative; the fact that without Sam, shit does not quite get done.

The problem is the execution of the idea. See, instead of putting the fact Sam is missing into the forefront, the fact stuff has not been done is. Stuff the crew should be able to handle after a very short time of adjustment easily. I will admit, Talus suspecting they were robbed but then asked if he had also looked into the cabinets, is kinda funny. I mean, it fits the character (and sometimes people in real life) to be so adjusted to seeing a certain situation as routine every day, that when it is slighty changed they may initially assume the worst but in reality just one convenient step of the routine was left out. Less forgivable I think is the fact that seeing how Sam did the clothes the day prior, I have to wonder how dirty those guys are that already everything is left in piles of dirt to the point they have only the following alternative as wardrobe.

Halloween costumes.

…. Ok, why is there Halloween, and likely a modern day variant of its celebration, in a comic set in a fictional world compared to ours, in a time period it would not exactly exist anyway? Christ on a pogo stick, consistency is all I ask for. Oh and of course NOW they realize Sam is gone. Because they finally put together that their daily luxuries they took for granted are no longer available.

Hey now, Talus. You all are guilty of being terrible friends. In fact yu are so terrible, you would make Twilight Sparkle vomit at the sight of yours. Also, why of all characters are you wearing a costume? Unlike those two bitches, you still had clean clothes on a few pages ago. Speaking of bitches, Atea in the middle panel looks readyto be edited in a cumshot video. Just saying for all those “creative” editors out there.

 YAY! Lets get our slave back so he can do all the stuff we care about but do not want to do.

Seriously, if Dobson tries to convince us they want to get him back because they care for him as a person, he fails miserably. Both by the choice of wording in this page, where Atea and Talus react angrier about the fact that without Sam things don’t work smoothly, rather than concern about his well being, as well as any behavior expressed in the previous chapter. These people are not reacting like friends in worry, they act like spoiled brats. Especially Talus who could still get his stupid burgers if he, as the cook of the crew, would just do his job. All he has to do is additionally open a few cabinets. Also, where in the heck is Uncle Peggy? Oh just go to the next pages so we are getting this over with.

Oh great, the lolcat pirates are back. Because they were so hilarious the first time. And look, they got defeated again. And what is their contribution to the story? To give information on where Sam may have gone.

And it is here now where I have to stop and come back to the pacing issue. Cause the last ten pages here? They are a good example of what I meant with rushed pacing and how it ruins things.

Once more I need to say, I get it. I get the major points Dobson wants to get across. That a) Sam is gone that b) without him things are not all that good for the crew anymore c) they decide they want to find him d) they get information of where he is by going after the one feline that can provide a potential hint. Four major story points Dobson wants to get across. And he is free to get them across. But the way he does it, is just way too fast. Neither the characters, nor the reader really gets time to comprehend that Sam is gone and what that means aside of the surface level loss of luxury Alex and Co are now experiencing. The emotional weight of Sam’s “loss” is pushed aside for the sake of cruising through the plot defined by its surface premise, as fast as possible. And considering that the meat of this story is supposed to be how much Sam means to the others as a person as well as his personal tragedy, intend and execution, thanks to this pacing, does not compute.

Pacing and overall structure are way off and fail to engage us in addition to just killing any suspense in what is going to happen next or surprise us in an interesting fashion. In other words, I am not entertained by this story. It is not funny, it is not sad, it is not “adventurous”.

Personally, I would suggest to actually use the “premise” of those ten pages and turn them at least into two independent chapters of this story overall, to give the premise actually some meat on the bone. The first chapter being a multipager with the crew realizing Sam is gone first BEFORE realizing that without him their luxuries are gone (putting also emphasize this way on the fact they care for Sam also more as a person instead of just the things he does for them) and then once they realize he is missing, deciding to go after him. Only to realize that when they want to prepare themselves for the task (getting their gear together as well as lunch e.g.) that everything is dirty or damaged because Sam normally takes care of it. Leading to a sequence of them having to experience doing Sam’s work for once, making them already there indirectly in part realize what he all does they took for granted.

The second chapter would then be them on the sea, trying to think of where to look at and eventually stumbling upon the cat pirates. Only instead of defeating them easily this time and getting the information, expectations are subverted and the cats actually fight back first, leading to a more hilarious confrontation where Alex and her crew can actually also show how they can be funny and badass, instead of Dobson just always “talking” and trying to convince us they are cool. And look, I do not expect a multi chapter One Piece like battle against the cat captain who turns out to be a master of Scratch Jutzu or something the moment he sniffs catnip. But please, give me something in this story. Some conflict, some diversion, something for characters to actually do that shows they can be badass, funny and awesome. Something that is as cartoony as Dobson likes to claim Alex ze Pirate is, but has never shown in its entirety.

Instead we get to this page, where of all characters Talus is the one who finally seems to realize how he and others took Sam for granted.

 And again, even this page is a good example of terrible pacing. Cause this realization, now shoved in within this and the next page? It would mean so much more if it happened in parts somewhere else in this story before or after, slowly to everyone stepwise. Cause then it would actually feel like a “development” of a chain of thoughts and internal realizations. Instead it is half heartedly thrown in all at once in those pages, to get the point across that NOW Sam’s “friends” finally realize, they took him always for granted.

Congratulations on realizing that you are the real scum in this story. What do you expect from me now? To give you hugs and feel pity for you like you are characters in Steven Universe, all because you had an epiphany? You do not deserve mine or any readers sympathy, just because NOW you feel bad for your terrible behavior. Cause if I did, it would just feel rewarding in a certain manner. And you do not deserve a reward. You have to make things up first or at the very least put in some sort of effort to show me, that you are not just feeling bad, but are willing to change for the better. Otherwise you are in the future still just the same toxic abusers you were two pages ago.

... man, that really felt like me already venting at Steven Universe.

Anyway, we have reached the town where Sam is from…

And it looks NOTHING at all like the artwork from Legends implied parts of the town to look like

Where are the badly drawn docks? The houses that imply this is not just a small village on the beach but an actual small town? The twon square where they sell underaged boys as slaves? Jesus Christ, what is the orphanage going to look li-

Nevermind. The orphanage is crushed. And all the people that lived in it are dead.

... WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU, DOBSON! This is genuinely a sick joke here. Look, I am all for black and dark comedy myself, but this feels cruel. I need to remind you, Alex ze Pirate in Dobson’s eyes was also meant to be a comic for all ages. Meaning something also little kids should be able to read and enjoy. Pushing aside how much of that would be bullshit by the shitton of sexist and sex jokes in other strips of the comic alone, this here is not the kind of joke I would like to see a little kid being exposed to when reading any form of story.

Look, I am not saying you can’t make fun about death. But Death is also a major part of life, which many of us are already being exposed to at an early age. And I think it is important that when we talk about death as a subject in a story for kids, we should actually address it in a “mature” manner the kid may understand. That death, as in the genuine loss of a life and not e.g. an awesome interpretation of the Grim Reaper as written by Terry Pratchett, is tragic. That it means permanently losing someone you or someone else loves. That when talking about it, we should talk about it in a serene manner. And there have been great kids stories who tackled the subject directly or indirectly. A Land Before Time for example, the loss of Littlefoots mother and how he “copes” with it while the majority of the plot still focuses on an adventure to find the Great Valley… that is great. But this thing here that Dobson does? To create a shocking revelation and then sell it as a joke based on the fact that Alex, Atea and Talus react with jawdrops to it? It is not handling the death of those children with any form of gravitas in a story that supposedly is meant to be emotional and play with your heartstrings. And yes, we know nothing about those kids, they are essentially non entities to further the plot. But in context of the story, you have to consider, those kids that are “unimportant” to the reader? For the character of Sam, those people were family. At page 14, we as readers start to realize what Sam finding this locket and going back to his hometown only to find out everyone he knew is dead must mean for him. We, people with even an ounce of empathy and understanding how tragedies should be in part written realize, that shit just hit the fan for Sam and that the story should genuinely focus on how Sam would deal with such a tragedy. But does Dobson treat this revelation with any grace or dignity? NOPE!

It is just a bunch of information dropped on us randomly by an old guy who (I guess similar to Dobson) does not even care that kids died. They are just a plotdevice. Oh and also most of those kids died of an infectious disease where most people die of dehydration after literally shitting non stop. Just to add additional gravity and dignity to the loss of prepubescent lives that should count as Sam’s siblings.

You know, I have to change my opinion on Alex. She is not the worst abuser of Sam. The worst person to ever abuse Sam is Andrew Dobson himself. Cause at least Alex did not kill his extended “family”. And to think this “children comic” was written by the same guy who made a “So you are a Cartoonist” strip where he talked about how kids media can tell more mature comics with more gravitas than live action stuff and novels meant for people that aren’t just children, young adults or mentally stucked manchildren. Dobson, after this page you have no right to call your stuff “appropriate for children” or mature anymore.

I am genuinely furious at this page right now as that I can go on. So here, have the last page of this chapter so I can wrap this up and enjoy some good forms of fiction…

Well Atea, everyone he knew from this village and potentially cared about died in an house collapsing with no one having removed the remains still and he is going on a cemetery. UNLIKE DOBSON WHEN WRITING THIS, USE YOUR BRAIN YOU INSULT TO LESBIANS!

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High Ch 9: I Must Be Doing Something Right

Chapter Summary: Frank surrenders Mary to Foster care, but soon realises he’s made a big mistake. Can Fliss help him set it right?

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. A very rude and offensive game of Cards Against Humanity...so...be warned.

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: Contains SPOILERS for the film!!!!! If you haven’t seen it please be aware of that before you read on. This is a REALLY long update so apologies, but I couldn’t see a way to cut it without losing the key narrative.

As always I’m a ho for a REBLOG and COMMENT! 

Series Masterlist  Main Masterlist

Chapter Song: Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis

'Cause all of the stars, are fading away, just try not to worry, you'll see them some day. Take what you need,and be on your way, and stop crying your heart out

7 days. 7 days is all it had taken.

He’d met the Foster Family on Sunday after Cullen had tabled the suggestion and agreed to the proposal that evening, ignoring Fliss and Roberta’s pleas to think about it for a few days at least. He didn’t want time to think, he was NOT going to surrender Mary to Evelyn, and if that meant she had to live with this nice family, in a posh house in Tampa, with a pool and a piano, then so be it.

The details were thrashed out between all attorneys and the state departments on the Monday and Tuesday, being finalised on the Thursday. Both he and his mother were given weekly visiting rights and once a month Mary was to come stay with him for a weekend, with longer visits during the holidays. Frank was offered his choice of date to surrender Mary into care. He chose the following Monday. When Greg asked him if he wanted more time, convinced he could get Frank at least a fortnight, he shook his head. The longer this dragged out the worst it was gonna be…like pulling of a band aid. Better to rip it fast and suffer a short, period of pain than drag it out.

His mother had been unable to resist one last shot as she left him on the steps of the court yard and her words were rattling around in his head as he stood watching Mary with Fliss as she hugged the woman tightly.

“I've been thinking a lot about the word called ‘compromise’. On one hand, good challenging school…on the other foster people. They can watch sitcoms with her. Take her to Olive Garden. Teach her to say ‘irregardless’ The only saving grace is, I suppose, is that she is better off than she was. Goodbye, Frank.”

He was clinging onto that. That she WAS better off with a family than his mother. And probably him if he was honest. Mary would understand that soon. He hoped. At the moment she was still in denial, insisting that Frank was going to change his mind. He had explained to her time and time again this was a court decision, not his. Greg had explained it to her, the foster parents had explained it to when she had met them during the week, hell Fliss had even explained it to her but nope, she wasn’t having it. Even before when he told her to go and say ‘see you later’ to Roberta, not goodbye- because it wasn’t goodbye- Mary had laughed and told the woman this entire thing was stupid and that she would be back with Frank later that evening.

And she was doing the same to Fliss now.

“You’ll be back for a visit before you know it…” Fliss said, brushing Mary’s hair off her face, blinking back her tears as she knelt in front of the girl “And Monty will be waiting for you.” Mary shook her head “Look, we all know this is ridiculous, Frank isn’t gonna leave me there. He promised I wasn’t going anywhere and he’s never broken a promise to me yet.” “And he still hasn’t.” Fliss said “This is a court order, not Frank’s. Now you promise me that when you get there you show all these new people you’re gonna meet what a wonderfully funny, smart and incredible person you are. And then, when you come back I want you to tell me all about it.”

Mary shrugged “I’ll see you at the weekend I expect.”

She moved back and looked at Frank like he was an utter idiot before she headed for the car. Fliss stood up and wiped her eyes, looking at Frank. “You gonna be ok?” she asked him.

“No.” he said honesty “Nothing about this is ok. At all. When she finally realises this isn’t some huge big joke or that I’m not gonna change my mind, she’s gonna flip.”

She stepped forwards to give him a hug, but he kept it brief, knowing that if he stayed he’d break. And he couldn’t. Not yet.

Fliss watched them drive away, before she turned back to her office, shut the door and curled up on the chair, arms hugging her knees as the tears coursed down her face.

***** “Hey… come on.” Frank said, kneeling in from of Mary, his large hands gently on her waist “I'm only 25 minutes away.”

He watched as the tears filled her eyes, the realisation that this was happening had sunk in finally, and he watched her heart break as she stood there, begging him.

“Please don't leave me here. Please.”

“No.” Frank sighed, bowing his head. “You're going to a brand new school. A better school.”

“I don't want to. I want my crummy school.” she sobbed.

“And you got Fred…” Frank carried on, fighting back his own tears.

“Please.”

“And once a month you can come back and stay with me and Fliss and Roberta…”

“I want you and Fliss and Roberta now!” she said loudly.

“And in a few years, if you want...you can come back. You can live with me.” he looked at her, smiling encouragingly.

“I wanna stay with you. Frank, you promised me.” Mary stomped her foot, angry tears pouring down her face.

“Come on. Don't do this.” Frank said softly, rubbing the tops of her arms and shoulders.

“You promised me.”

“I know.” he said, bowing his head blinking back tears. He had, and he’d broken that promise. And he felt like shit. “I know.” he repeated lamely, his left hand gently resting on the side of her face, brushing away her tears.

“Please, Frank. Why are you leaving me?” she sobbed as he took her face in both his hands and looked at her.

“Because the court said I have to. You know this. We've discussed this ad naus...” he stopped himself and looked down, swallowing thickly. “We've discussed this.” he looked at her, taking a deep breath.

“Come on. Come on. Please.” he said, gently moving to sweep her into a hug but she shoved him hard.

“No!”

Frank could do nothing but kneel there as she hit him again in his chest, then once on the side of his face, screaming at him. At that point her foster mother, Emma, stepped forward and Mary continued to lash out, screaming at Frank.

“Sweetheart, you know what?” she continued to talk to Mary as her foster Father, Kevin, looked down at Frank sympathetically.

“There's no easy way to do this.” he said. At that Frank jumped up and walked to the door.

“Not gonna be as long as you think, honey.” Emma was soothing her, but Mary was having none of it.

“Frank….”

“You're gonna see.”

“Frank!” Frank opened the door and paused, looking back as Mary was fighting against her foster mother who was gently holding her arms, screaming at him “Don't leave me!”

And that was the moment his heart broke into a million pieces. He had to go. Had to get out of there. He quickly stepped through the door and pulled it closed behind him, heading quickly for his truck, trying to block her screams and yells out as they still hit his ear from inside the house.

“Don't go! I need you! Fred needs you! You promised me!”

Sniffing back his tears he climbed into the truck, started it up, and then sat, both hands on the steering wheel, head bowed for a moment whilst he composed himself, before he put the truck in gear and drove off, leaving Mary behind.

**** Fliss had half expected Frank to show up at the yard again later that day, but he didn’t. Instead he messaged her telling her he needed some head space so was heading down to the Marina to do some work. Which was where she found him later that evening, working on the same boat he had been on all week.

“Hey, down there.” she said gently as she climbed the ladders up the side of the boat “The Serenity” Frank looked up at her, gave her a faint smile, before he turned back to what he was doing as Fliss stepped onto the deck of the boat, watching him carefully.

“I don't know which mistake is worst. Designing a water pump that leaks or putting it somewhere no human being can reach” he ranted as he leaned further into the uncovered pump. As Fliss took a seat on one of the raised benches at the back of the boat he stood up, part in his hand and sighed “How you design something you know is gonna fail? Gotta be devious or clueless, right?”

He dropped what he had been reaching for onto the table in front of him and glanced at Fiss who was sat watching him, her hands pressed between the knees of her denim-short clad legs as she shot him another small smile. He picked up an small wrench and returned to his previous position, crouching over the machinery of the boat.

“After the first few weeks, I knew I had to find a real family for her. I was in way over my head.” he reached for a bolt that was in the box he had resting on the side and continued his work “And every day I'd say today's the day I'm taking her to child services and every day she'd do something just…” he paused, his hands still working as a soft, yet heartbreakingly sad smile flickered across his face. “…so unbelievably cool.” he swallowed, still not looking at Fliss “Her little personality was exploding. She was funny and she was angry, and she was happy, and she was sad and was cute.” he reached for something else, his voice groaning slightly with the strain of stretching “Just so damn entertaining. And so I kept her.” his voice started to rise in tone, revealing the anger he felt at himself “Not that that's in her best interest. Not that I'm capable of raising a child.”

“Frank that’s not true…”  Fliss spoke softly, butting in but he continued his rant.

“A child that might still have a mother if I'd taken the time to notice she needed me.”

“Ok, now stop it…” Fliss’ voice was a little sterner now “Frank, we’ve been through this…”

“And now…” he stood up, reaching for a towel to wipe the oil off his hands “six and a half years later I finally got her to a foster family and you know what? It was great.” he said sarcastically “She loved it.” he tossed the towel onto the side. “I thought it would be a nightmare of abandonment and betrayal.” he hopped up onto the level of the boat Fliss was sat on and threw his hands out to the side “And it turns out it was a huge success….” he bent back down to pick up the broken part he had retrieved from the pump “I'm a fuckin’ hero.” on that he angrily launched the part out of the side of the boat where it hit something with a crash.

“Hey…” Fliss stood up and moved to gently run her hand down his arm. He was dirty, sweaty, covered in grease and he was conscious of this so went to pull away but she stopped him, her grip firm before she moved her hands to his face, her palms gently pressing against the scratch of his beard, sweat beading on his brow as he looked at her.

“Listen to me.” Fliss said, her eyes locking onto his “Mary will be ok. It’s gonna take time but…”

“You didn’t see her..” he said, stepping back out of her touch, his hand flying to his hair “She fucking hates me. She was screaming and…I just left her.” he finished, somewhat lamely “After I promised her…I promised her she could stay with me.”

With that he went to the stairs at the side of the boat, climbing them and heading down the ladder at the side.

“Frank...” Fliss moved to the side of the boat to try and talk to him again but he shook his head.

“No, Lissy…” he trailed off, holding his hand up. He sighed and took a deep breath “I appreciate everything you've done. Just...” he shook his head again and continued own the steps.

Fliss watched him go where he headed back into the little garage area, swallowing slightly. She looked up at the starry sky and took a deep breath, blinking back her tears. She knew she shouldn’t take it personally. He was hurting. He needed time. She licked her lips before she climbed off the boat and turned in the opposite direction he’d gone, deciding to take the long route around to her car so as not to pass the garage.

Frank walked into his workshop area and launched an angry kick at a box of engine propellers scattering it all over the floor. He stood up, both hands on his hips as he took a deep breath and turned half expecting Fliss to be behind him. But she wasn’t. With a sigh he made to go back outside and apologise but when he looked up she wasn’t on the boat anymore.

“Fuck…” he cursed, turning to look to his right where he saw her walking a hundred yards or so away down the side of the marina.

“Liss!” he called, and she stopped, turning towards him as he set off towards her in a jog. “Lissy, I’m sorry.” he sighed as he stopped in front of her.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” she replied “I understand.”

“No there is. You came her to check on me and…” he took a deep breathe “Believe me, if there’s one person in all of this that I have no right to be mad around it’s you. I didn’t mean to snap. I just…well, I guess I need some space.”

“I get it, honestly I do.” she said gently, stepping towards him and rubbing his arm “Today must have been so hard, I can’t imagine how you felt.” He fell silent. “But I meant what I said Frank, none of this is your fault.”

“I should never have let her go to that school…” his azure blue eyes misted over again, and he looked down at his feet, shaking his head. “Shoulda, woulda coulda…” Fliss said gently as he pulled his head back up to look at her “You can’t keep beating yourself up about things you can’t change, trust me, I know.”

Frank sniffed slightly before she sighed and carried on

“It’s done, Mary is with a good family, she’s going to get a good education and, yeah, it might take a while but she’ll come round and soon realise that you did what you did, not because you didn’t want her, but because you wanted what was best for her.” “I hope you’re right.” he said, his voice cracking as she stepped forward and pulled him back into her arms “Because I don’t know what I’m gonna do if she won’t forgive me…”

*****

Fliss was worried Frank was going to go off the rails, but he didn’t. He simply threw himself into his work. Night and day he was at the boat yard. They talked daily and she invited him to dinner on the Friday, in an attempt to keep him away from Ferg’s for fear of him getting himself absolutely trashed and doing something stupid like picking a fight. She hadn’t expected him to accept, however, so was pleasantly surprised when he took her up on her offer.

He was a little more subdued than normal, but they talked over the Bolognese she had made and then, Bill had popped his head in and invited them through to the house for a few drinks and a game of Cards Against Humanity

Frank’s face twisted into a grin. “You know I’ve never played it?”

“You’re kidding?” Bill looked at him. Frank shook his head.

“Oh Frankie, it’s great fun.” Fliss grinned “You get to learn a lot about people, and how twisted and sick their minds actually are.”

“Verity is the worst.” Bill said, seriously “I been with her now for almost 31 years, married to her for…” “28.” Fliss supplied.

“28…and I had no idea how warped she was until we played this a few years ago.”

Frank chuckled and Fliss looked at him and he shrugged, “ok I’m in.”

Fliss nodded and together they made their way out of the annex and over to the main house. Frank had been in it once before, and despite the fact that it was ridiculous large and fancy, he felt at home. Verity greeted her with the usual warmth, wrapping him up in a motherly hug as she looked at him and scalded him for losing weight. He sighed, he knew he hadn’t been eating properly but he didn’t look that different.

“Leave the lad alone.” Bill looked at his wife, thrusting a chilled San Miguel into Frank’s hand “He’s come here to relax not have you nagging on at him.”

Verity rolled her eyes and began to quibble with her husband whilst Fliss shook her head, grinning at Frank before she led him through to the dining room where the cards were placed in the middle of the table.

It didn’t take long for Frank to get the hang of the game, and it also didn’t take him long to realise Bill was right. Verity had an extremely warped sense of humour, that said, so did Fliss, and the more alcohol she consumed, the worse it got. He declined another beer from Bill, stating that he had to head home, but Fliss frowned at him.

“Take the spare room.” she shrugged but he shook his head.

“I’m working tomorrow, got a few things to finish so…”

She didn’t push it, and that was another thing Frank loved about her. The fact that she would take no for an answer without questioning him.

“Ok…so…” Frank leaned over, taking the cards that were face down, shuffling them so he didn’t know whose were whose “Do not fuck with me I am literally blank right now…” he turned the top card over and gave a snort “Seeing things from Hitler’s perspective…” then he turned the next card and arched an eyebrow “dying…oh god that’s bad…” and the final one “pretending to care…it’s gotta be the Hitler one!”

“Yess…” Fliss said, grinning as she took the card from him “Catching you up mum.” After a few more rounds which contained winning combinations such as “This is your Captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for September 11th, 2001 “ and “In the beginning there was the mixing of the races and then the Lord said 'Let there be Nazis’” the cards were finished and they all counted. Bill was bottom, Fliss and Frank had tied, and Verity was the runaway winner. After a little more chat they called it a night and Frank walked back to the annex and his truck with Fliss.

“Thank you.” he said, looking at her “Not just for tonight, which was real fun but…”

Fliss smiled and gave him a hug “Any time.”

He dropped a kiss to her cheek “Ya know, I’ll hold you to that.”

He gave her a cheeky grin as he got in his truck and Fliss watched him go, pleased to see that for the first time since Mary had left on the Monday, he seemed to be getting some of that Frank spark back.

*****

Frank parked the truck and grabbed the wrapped box of lego, the ping pong balls for Fred and the next Harry Potter book in the series (the third one) from Fliss off the passenger seat and headed up the steps. He knocked politely on the door and smiled as Kevin looked through the glass window to the left

“Hey” he smiled as Kevin opened the door

“Hi, Frank. We're errr…” Kevin stepped outside and closed the door “… having a little bit of a problem in there.”

“What?”

“Mary's fine but she's having a little bit of a meltdown.”

“Right.” Frank sighed, nodding “Let me talk to her” he made to enter the house but Kevin stopped him

“No, hang on. That's not a good idea.” he said gently as Frank looked at him, a slight frown on his face “Your visit here is the reason for the meltdown.”

“What?” Frank’s brows furrowed together

“She don't wanna see you.” Kevin said, apologetically.

Frank felt like his chest was being crushed. He took a deep breath and visibly slumped. Kevin continued sympathetically. “I'm sorry, man. This is predictable. You know, she needs time.”

Frank fought to keep himself composed. This was his first visit, it had been agreed that the first one would be the Monday, a week after she had left, then moving to Saturday afternoons, and they’d done that for a reason, to give her a full week to settle in. He hadn’t expected it to be plain sailing but he had been hoping she would calm down. He needed to see her, whenever they argued, they always talked, always sorted things out. And this wasn’t any different.

“Just give me 5 minutes with her.” he said, looking at Kevin

“I let you inside and then we're gonna betray her trust and have even bigger problem.” the man shook his head.

Frank got that, he did, but it didn’t make it any easier. He nodded, still keeping himself composed, before wordlessly he thrust the items he was holding into Kevin’s hand and turned and headed back to his truck. He got drunk that night. And as he lay on the sofa, with his tumbler of cheap scotch, he realised that the ache he was feeling was the same ache as when he lost Diane. He was grieving. Grieving for the loss of his wonderful, beautiful, annoying, smart-ass niece. Only she wasn’t dead, just gone. Gone from her home. Gone from him.

This mood continued through the week. On Tuesday morning he woke on the sofa, still clothed, with a mouth like sand paper and a banging headache. After a shower and litre of orange juice he went down to get his mail and found himself sitting on the bench near the mail boxes, simply staring into space. He was vaguely aware of someone sitting next to him, and when Roberta reached out and worked his right hand free from where it was joined tightly with his left, he let out a sigh as she simply squeezed his fingers.

Wednesday morning, after Fliss had stopped by with breakfast from the bakery not far down the road, he was sweeping up the kitchen, which didn’t seem to be half as messy anymore now there were no cat biscuits lying around after Fred wasn’t there to deposit the ones he didn’t want under the table. He opened the broom closet and his eyes fell onto the basket full of shells that Mary had collected over the last god knows how long. He stared at it for a moment before he threw the broom in the closet, slammed the door and went to get changed into his work clothes.

Thursday morning he woke to a message from Fliss asking if he fancied meeting her for lunch. He accepted her invite and headed down to the Marina. He’d there for a few hours, putting the water pump that he’d finally managed to strip out of that damned boat back together when his phone rang. He glanced at the number, it was Bonnie. Sighing he dropped it back to the desk next to him. She’d called a few times since Mary had left, Fliss had reasoned with him that he should answer as she probably just wanted to know how she was. But seeing as he didn’t actually fucking know, what on Earth was he going to tell her? He let it ring out as usual and then a little while later it beeped, signalling he had a message. He ignored that too, he’d deal with it later.

But Bonnie wasn’t giving up that easily.

*****

“Fliss?” Joanne called “There’s a call for you."

“Ok, hang on…” Fliss put down the bridle she had been piecing together in the tack room and headed through, taking the phone off Joanne “Fliss Gallagher…” “Hi Flss, it’s Bonnie, Bonnie Stevenson.” “Hi.” she said, surprised to hear the woman on the other end of the phone.

“I’m sorry to call you it’s just Frank is ignoring my calls and my messages and I was kind of worried about him…” “Oh…” Fliss took a deep breath, scratching at her head.  “He’s been a bit up and down so…don’t take it personally.”

“Look, don’t want to step on your toes because I know you two are kinda, well, anyway, I was just in the library at school today and well I saw a photo of Fred on the adoption board for the Pinellas County Animal Shelter and was a little-.”

“Hang on…” Fliss said, cutting her off, not quite believing what she was hearing  “Fred is in the Animal Shelter?” “Yeah…” Bonnie sighed “I know Mary loved that cat and I’m concerned Frank is making a mistake giving him away, Mary would-”

“Bonnie, the cat went with Mary…” Fliss said, her mind whirring

“What?” Bonnie whispered

“She took the cat with her to the foster home. Frank hasn’t turned him in, he’ll be devastated when he finds out.” she sighed, “Leave it with me…I’ll call him.” “Ok, erm…good luck.” Bonnie offered. “Thanks. And thank you for calling and telling us…I mean me…him…whatever” Bonnie gave a chuckle “I hope you get there in time…”

“In time?” Fliss frowned.

“Yeah, Fliss, it’s a kill shelter. They only keep the animals between 5 and 7 days depending on their hopes and chances of being adopted…”

Fliss felt her heart sink. Suddenly her thoughts went back to Frank and how he had told her Mary refused to see him on Monday as she was having a meltdown about him going…what if the melt down had been about Frank being taken away from her.

“Fuck…” she mumbled, “Bonnie, I’m sorry I gotta…” And at that she put the phone down. She grabbed her keys, purse and mobile and sprinted for her jeep, yelling to Joanne that she had an emergency. She dived in her car, sped off down the drive and called Frank as she went.

“Hey…” he said

“Oh you’ll answer to me, ass hat” She said, turning left onto the freeway, keying in the location on her GPS.

“Of course…” he said, his tone a little puzzled “What’s…”

“Bonnies’ been trying to call you…”

“I know, I just…” “Shut up a minute.” Fliss cut him off “She was calling because she saw a poster, an adoption photo for the Pinellas County Animal Shelter. It was Fred.”

There was a pause before Frank breathed out “What?”

“They gave her cat away Frank…”

There was a loud clatter at the other end and then she could tell Frank was running from the sounds and the way his voice sounded.

“I can’t…oh god Fliss, Mary’s gonna be devastated.” “I know, just…look I’m on my way now. I’ll meet you there…”

“Ok…” he said, and with that he hung up. *******

Frank didn’t think he’d ever driven that fast before in his life. He literally dumped the truck on the car park, haphazardly parked in a disabled bay, and ran into the shelter, straight to the reception desk.

“Hi!” he said, resting his hands on the desk.

“Hi! Can I help you?”

“Yeah. Do you have a one-eyed orange cat named Fred?”

At that he heard someone else crashing through the door and a second later there was a gentle touch his arm and he turned to see Fliss, dressed in her riding gear besides him, having taken slightly longer to get there due to being a few miles further away.

“We have a one-eyed cat.” the receptionist said after a pause “But I don't know what his name is.”

“Where?” Fliss demanded impatiently.

The receptionist turned to the woman behind her who was digging in the drawers. She turned and pulled a sympathetic face “I don't know. Today was his last day.”

Fliss groaned as Frank hung his head. Then, as a dog gave a loud bark from somewhere in the rear of the shelter, there was a violent tug on his hand and he was being dragged down the side of the desk, the receptionist shouting objections as Fliss pulled him through the door at the end. They past the rows of dogs in kennels and then Frank spotted another door to their right.

“This way…” he said, this time he was pulling her along as they headed into the cattery, but there was no sign of Fred. They continued through, and then headed into the veterinary area, trying each door one by one and the final one they entered was occupied.

“What are you doing back here?” the vet looked at him as Frank saw 3 needles on the table and let out a soft groan.

“I told him he couldn't.” he heard the receptionist say but his attention was taken by Fliss

“Thank God…” she breathed out, moving to her left and Frank heard a familiar meow. He turned to see Fred in a cat cage on the side.

The relief that flooded his system was insurmountable. He joined Fliss who was now stroking Fred through the bars as the cat tilted his head and looked up at Frank.

“Hey Fred…” he sighed, his hands falling to the top of the cage as he kissed Fliss’s head in relief and thanks…and then the anger came back.

“Who brought this cat?” he turned round to look at the helpers who were stood in the room.

“Some guy.” the one from the reception shrugged. “He said it was an allergy issue.”

He let out an angry snort and looked at Fliss “Evelyn. She’s allergic to cats.”

Fliss face slid into an expression of understanding as she turned to look at him. “Seems like Mr Perfect Foster Father fed you a load of bullshit on Monday, Frank.”

It took them half an hour to iron out the paper work which allowed Frank to bring Fred home…and because the two other cats in there, Chili and Toby, were on death row they came too, well, with Fliss that is back to the stables.

They carried the cats out between them and Frank turned to Fliss as he passed her the cage containing the black and white one, Chili.

“I’m going to get Mary back…this…this is wrong. She needs to be with me. I mean, she’s a good kid, right?”

"Of course Frank, I’ve told you before, she’s an amazing little girl.” Fliss looked at him as she shut the rear door to the car.

“Well then, I can’t be that bad a substitute parent can I?” he urged.

Fliss beamed at him before she asked “So how we gonna play it?”

He noted her use of the word we, and smiled “I’m gonna give my mother exactly what she wants”

Huh?” Fliss frowned “I’m not…”

“I’m going to give her another way to achieve her dream without using Mary…” he said, biting his lip as he turned to face her “Once you’ve dropped those two off meet me at mine as fast as you can. I need to pick up some stuff…and Roberta.”

*****

Frank jumped out of Fliss’ jeep before it had even stopped, running up the steps to the large house. He pounded his fist on the doorway and it swung open.

“Frank?” Kevin greeted him

“Where's Evelyn?” Frank demanded.

“Evelyn? You mean your mother?”

“Yes.”

“Kevin…” they were joined by Emma who grabbed his arm. ”Evelyn is in the guest house.”

Frank turned and headed back down the steps, jumping the last 3.

“Yeah, listen. I'm sorry, man.” Kevin followed “Frank, let me tell you. She was so helpful with the tutors. Mary was so distant and she-“

“Hey!” Fliss stepped out to block Kevin’s way “Look, we know what you’re up against."

She looked at Kevin who sighed, nodding “She’s tenacious…”

“Do you want your life back? “ Roberta looked at him, her gaze steady as Kevin watched Frank heading up the steps to the guest house “Go back inside.”

Frank reached the top of the stairs and wrenched open the door to see his mother sat at a desk with Mary, whilst another man was stood pointing at a book, another sat in the corner on a computer. All 4 looked up and Frank took a deep breath, shaking his head at his mother.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

Frank ignored her as Fliss and Roberta stepped into the room, Roberta carrying the box he had brought with him.

“Come on, Mary. We're going home.” he said as Roberta placed the box on the desk and folded her arms.

“No.” Mary said gently, shaking her head, eyes locked on Frank.

“You're trespassing!” Evelyn started but Frank ignored her, flipping the lid off the box, pulling out a ring bound file “You need to look at this.” he tossed it on the desk and walked towards Mary. “Let's go, Mary. Let's move. Come on.” he beckoned with his hand.

“No!” she said, sliding off her chair. She pushed the man next to her out of the way and dodged round the desk. There was a cacophony of people moving and shouting her name but Frank gently stopped Fliss as she stepped towards her.

“It's okay. I got her.”  he said, flying after Mary.

Evelyn made to follow but Fliss stepped right in her path, blocking the way, her nose inches from Evelyn’s as she stared the woman down.

“Think again, lady…”  Roberta said from behind her, her hand laying on Fliss’ shoulder, giving a squeeze of support.

Evelyn looked at the two of them for a second before she jerked her head to flick the piece of hair that had fallen forwards into her eyes before she tuned and picked up her phone. She looked at Fliss again, who arched an eyebrow, and then turned back to her phone before she stopped dead and her eyes fell on the ring bound file Frank had thrown onto the desk.

Fliss exchanged a look with Roberta, neither of them understanding what was in the file, but clearly Evelyn did. Fliss had a feeling it was something to do with the Navier-Stokes equation Frank had told her that Diane had been working on, maybe some research. Evelyn glanced over Fliss’ shoulder to the door, her breathing deep as she looked back to the file.

“This…” she said, looking at it “It can’t…”

Then she snapped out of whatever moment she has been in, going for the door but Fliss once more stepped into her path.

“You’re not going out there, not until Frank has a chance to speak to Mary…”

“You have no right…”

“And neither do you.” Fliss said loudly

“I have visitation rights…I’m her grandmother!” “Oh please!” Fliss snorted “Up until a few months ago you had never seen her. And what kind of grandmother rips a little girl away from the person who has shown her nothing but love all her life, and cared for and provided for her for over 6 and a half years? Huh?”

Evelyn raised her chin defiantly.

“And all for what? Some fucking dream about a stupid maths problem that no one bar a gang of stuck up Oxbridge middle aged tossers gives a shit about!" "How dare you?" Evelyn glared at Fliss "I'm not having some jumped up, dressage riding tart speak to me like this! I did this for Mary... to give her the life she deserves… " "No you did this for yourself." Fliss shot back. "And you know what? Maybe Frank doesn’t have poshest house, or the most prestigious career in the world but kids don't need money, or laptops or huge fucking homes with a pool and a summer house! They need love and care, to know they're safe and wanted...and she gets all of that with Frank, with us..." She gestured to Roberta as she continued. "And if you stopped to listen and look at her as a person and not your ticket to fame for just one second you'd see what an amazing, wonderful little girl she is and that's down to your son." Fliss took a deep breath and wiped at her eyes as Evelyn looked away from her to Roberta almost as if she was expecting a verbal tirade from her too. Roberta simply shrugged "I got notin' to add...she said it all for me" "Frank is one of the kindest, most gentle men I know." Fliss said, her voice softer. "He has a heart of gold and everything he does is for that little girl. Maybe he doesn't always get it right but who does? He tries his best, and I'd love to congratulate you on bringing up such an amazing person but I literally have no idea how he turned out the way he did with a cold hearted bitch like you as a mother."

****

“Mary!” Frank called, sprinting after her as she ran down the drive “Mary!”

He gently grabbed her arm and dropped to the floor as she spun round “No, let me go!” she yelled at him, lashing out again with her arms the same way she had done when he had left her. Frank turned his head holding his hands up to deflect the blows.

“Stop, Mary.” he said gently as she continued “Stop, stop!”

“No!”

“Come here.” he said, his voice still soft as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him as he stood up, holding her tight.

“You lied to me.” she said accusingly

“I know.” he scrunched his eyes up, ducking his head as she continued to rain blows on him.

“No, no!”

“Stop, stop, stop!” he said softly as her blows grew weaker until she collapsed against him, crying, her head buried into his shoulder. He closed his eyes and pressed his face against her cheek. “ I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I'm so sorry.”

“You promised me.”

“I know.” he agreed, taking a deep breath, looking upwards.

“You promised.” Mary’s voice was quiet as her small arms moved around his shoulders.

“I know. I'm sorry. I’m so sorry…” his voice cracked as he gently walked them towards the house a little.

“You said you wouldn't leave me.” she cried, as his hand moved up to hold between her shoulder blades and he pressed his cheek to the side of her head.

“I made a mistake. I'm sorry.”  he stressed, rubbing her back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly and he closed his eyes, swaying her softly on the spot.

“I was so sad!” she sobbed as Frank simply stood, breathing heavily, eyes still closed as he desperately fought for composure “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”  he whispered into her hair as he pressed a kiss to the side of her head, blinking back the tears that were filling his eyes. God he should never have agreed to this, ever.

“They took Fred.” Mary wailed.

“No. It's okay.” Frank sniffed, bending down to place her on the floor so she could look at him “We got him. He's home.”

“What? “she asked softly, her cries stopping as she looked at him, her eyes so like her mother’s bored into his.

“He's at the apartment right now. Me and Fliss went and we got him”

“For real?”

“Yeah” Frank assured her, his right hand reaching up to wipe away her tears as he cupped her cheek softly  “he's home kicking around his ping pong ball.”

“Why did you leave me there?” she said, her sobs starting again. And that was the moment he broke. He couldn’t hold it in anymore and he too began to cry.

“Because I thought I was bad for you.” his voice was croaky as he struggled to speak as a tear fell down his cheek  “And then it dawned on me. If Mary is this amazing... smart, sweet human being... then I must be doing something right.”

She looked at him, her face contorting as her cries grew shallower and she reached out with her small hands rubbing at his beard before her thumbs crept into the side of his mouth, and she curled his lips upwards and he swallowed again, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners.

Her hands fell to his shoulders and she looked at him “You're smiling”

He nodded and bowed his heads, his chest heaving with unshed sobs before Mary wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He closed his eyes again, holding her close, his hand rubbing her back.

“I’m never gonna let anyone take you away from me again Short Stack.” he said, as she pulled back, her hands fiddling with the collar of his grey T-shirt.

She paused for a moment before she looked at him. “Can we go home now?”

“You’re damned right.” he nodded, as he stood, picking her up in his arms. “They made their way back up the steps pausing slightly to look at one another as Fliss’ angry yells hit their ears.

“Fliss is mad” Mary’s eyes grew wide and she looked at Frank.

“Yeah well she’s missed you too, so has Roberta.” Frank smiled as they carried on up the steps. They reached the door just in time to catch Fliss basically calling Evelyn a “cold hearted bitch” and as Frank opened the door,  Roberta and Fliss turned to face them and beamed as Mary yelled their names

“Roberta! Lissy!”

“Hey baby!” Roberta said, as she hugged the girl tightly before Mary released her and threw herself at Fliss.

“Oh kiddo…” Fliss sighed, dropping a kiss to her head. She looked up at Frank and he gave her a wink, before nodding gently to the door.

“Of all the stunts you could pull” Evelyn looked at him and he glared straight back as besides him he heard Fliss say something to Mary as her and Roberta ushered her out of the door.

“Where are they going?” Evelyn demanded

“Nowhere. Not yet.” Frank said, looking at her before he turned his attention to the two tutors in the room “You two, out!”

Once they left, Frank and his mother began to argue about the file he had given her, Evelyn refusing to believe it was real, that Diane had solved the Millennium Problem. Eventually, Frank had enough and shook his head.

“Evelyn, stop!” he said firmly. “I'm taking Mary and I'm raising her how I believe Diane would have wanted”

“We'll see about this…”

“I realize she's not normal.” he continued, his voice steady and definitive “but if Einstein can ride a bike so can she.”

“Let’s just say Diane didn't tell me, which is nonsense. It's a Millennium Problem!” his mother blazed “She would have shared it with the world. That's where your charade falls apart.”

Frank sighed and looked down, one hand resting on the surface of the table between him and his mother, the other shoved into his pocket.

“If she had completed the proof, she would have published it!” Evelyn finished.

With a deep breath he looked back up at his mother before he looked down at the file and spoke a little softer this time “Diane instructed me very clearly….” he swallowed and looked down at his left hand, his fingers tapping lightly on the table “…that I was only to publish it post mortem.”

“She died six years ago.” Evelyn demanded and he looked back at her.

“It wasn't her death she was talking about.”

He watched as his mother’s mouth fell open slightly in understanding and shock before she looked down, swallowing. Despite everything, Frank felt a pang of sympathy for her, he was taking no pleasure in any of this. His mother sank into a chair, her eyes closing as her head bowed slightly

“I tried to talk her out of it.” Frank said gently “But you know how Diane could be when she made her mind up about something.”

Evelyn didn’t say a word, she simply stared at a spot on the desk, her eyes darting from side to side and Frank could see she was suddenly coming to terms with the fact that, really, she hadn’t known his sister at all

“I called MIT.” he continued “Shankland's out of his mind about the possibility of publishing it with you.” At that Evelyn glanced up at him “He's waiting for your call. Frank nodded “You're gonna spend the next few years of your life defending it. You won't have time for her.”

Evelyn swallowed again, before she floundered to speak, struggling slightly to form the first word. “What If I say no?”  she said, taking a breath and looking back up at Frank.

He looked to the side slightly “well..” his eyes flicked back to hers, the nerve in his jaw twitching slightly “Back to Plan A”

“Wait for me to die?” Evelyn said, her voice almost amused as she fixed Frank with a look.

“I know Diane was hard.” he said after a moment’s pause, his voice remaining calm. “I know she was angry. But something really good came out of this, Evelyn. She needs you now. You're the best woman for the job. Take it”

Evelyn looked down at the file again, her brows raising slightly “It doesn't seem like Diane wanted me to have it.”

“Well, Diane didn't always think things through.” He smiled softly as Evelyn looked up at him, the fact she had spoken those exact words to Frank weeks before had clearly not passed her by. “I'll be outside. Let me know what you wanna do.”

With that he left the room but seconds later Evelyn shot out after him. He turned from his vantage point of the stairs and glanced back up at her, questioningly

“I’m not going to fight you, not anymore. Diane... she deserves for her work to be published.”

He nodded and turned to go again but she stopped him a second time.

“Frank, will you let me give you one piece of advice before you go?” 

He looked at her expectantly.

“Fliss…” “What about her?” Frank asked.

“The way she was fighting your corner before, the things she was saying, well, it almost made me proud to be your mother.” Evelyn said with a soft smile “Don’t let that girl go.”

“I don’t intend to.” Frank shook his head, one corner of his mouth twitching upwards slightly “Goodbye Evelyn.”

***** Cullen wasn’t overly impressed with Frank’s display of recklessness, calling him a “dumbass” loud enough for Fliss, Mary and Roberta to hear. Frank headed out of the house and explained what had happened and he listened, before promising set the ball rolling right away. Two hours later he called back having spoken the woman from the Welfare Department who had been managing the fostering arrangements.

“The Welfare Department are happy, given Evelyn’s lack of contention, for Mary to stay in your care and not be dragged back.”

“So…” Frank held his breath, not daring to believe what his friend was saying “She’s gonna be able to stay?”

“We’ll need to go back to court to obtain formal Guardian status so the process isn’t over just yet but with Evelyn’s seeming U-Turn, and the Foster Parents being surprisingly supportive of you, there’s no way this is going anywhere but in your favour.” Cullen’s voice was full of warmth “I’ll organise the paper work and we’ll file for a hearing as soon as possible but it could be after thanksgiving. I got another big custody case going on now so…” “But there’s no way she’s gonna be taken?” Frank pressed.

“I’d bet my house on it.” Cullen said, making Frank smile “The only potential bump in the road here now is if your mother requests formal access or visitation rights.” “Well if she does…I’m not opposed to her having a relationship with Mary, but it’s done on Mary’s terms, not hers.” Frank said softly. “And being reasonable like that will go even more in your favour.” Cullen chuckled “I’ll get the paper work sorted on Monday. So in the mean-time enjoy your weekend and take Fliss on a date will ya?”

With a laugh and assurances that he was going to try at least, he headed back inside to be hit with a barrage of noise as the 3 women were dancing in the living room to Journey “Don’t Stop Believing”. which was blaring out of the stereo. Mary was on the sofa, bouncing up and down as she sang whilst Fliss had hold of her hands, moving them back and forth as they danced. Frank leaned against the doorframe and simply watched them until Roberta moved over and dragged him into the middle of their group. Mary threw herself at him and he caught her with a loud huff which was followed by a laugh as she reached up and ruffled his hair.

A few hours and Chinese takeout later, Mary was fast asleep and both Fliss and Roberta decided it was time to go. Gently lifting Mary from where she was led with her head in Fliss’ lap, Frank tucked her in bed fully clothed (like it mattered for one night) and then headed outside. He said goodnight to Roberta, the woman hugging the pair of them before he walked Fliss back down to the jeep.

“Thank you for today” he said “I never knew you had such a fierce side…”

“Well, I spent so long being trampled and stepped on…sometimes I like it when my inner lioness makes an appearance.” she smirked at him.

“You certainly made an impression on my Mother.”

“Oh, yeah…” Fliss winced “I kinda..well not kinda, I…err…I shouted at her. Called her a cold hearted bitch…” “Yeah I heard that bit” Frank raised an eyebrow and Fliss snorted.

“In my defence, she started it, she called me a jumped up dressage tart, I mean…” “Well that’s just fuckin' rude.” Frank agreed “You show-jump.” Fliss looked at him before she burst out laughing and Frank grinned. There was a pause before Frank looked down at the floor and then back at Fliss “You know, she give me one final piece of advice as I left…” “Oh yeah? What was that? Buy a mosquito net? A Bug zapper? No, wait, she told you to get a string vest and a banjo didn’t she?”

Frank shook his head laughing before he looked at Fliss. “She told me not to let you go.” he said, holding Fliss gaze before she looked down, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Although the banjo does sound fun.” “Piss off.” she said gently with a grin, shoving him in his chest. He caught her wrist softly and then moved his hand to tangle their fingers together, looking down at her small palm against his before he looked back at her.

“You know, if this was a movie I’d use some really shit cliché here like oh, you came into my world and turned my life inside out…” he shrugged, “ but my life was already upside down and inside out, and you…” he let out a breath “you just help put it back to where it should be. You make everything better Lissy and these last few months without you in my corner..." he trailed off as her brown eyes locked onto his, shining in the dim light, his thumb gently skating the back of her hand. "Look, I know you said I wasn’t in a position to know what I want but..." He trailed off as he spotted the twinkle in her eye as she smiled at him, her hand squeezing his.

“I think it's about time you took me sailing don’t you?" she grinned.

He gave smile and nodded “Yeah, yeah I do. Does tomorrow work?”

“Works just fine sailor.” she said, standing on her toes. She placed a soft kiss to the side of his mouth and it took every inch of self-control Frank had not to grab her and kiss the life out of her but he knew now wasn’t the moment. Instead he smiled as she stepped back, and headed towards her car.

TAGS: @the-omni-princess  @momobaby227 @geekofmanythings16 @angelofhell-666 @thewackywriter @marvelfansworld  @cobalt-gear  @asgardlover75 @jennmurawski13  @jtargaryen18 @saiyanprincessswanie  @navispalace @patzammit  @joannaliceevans-fanficblog  @icanfeelastormbrewing @djeniiscorner  @ayamenimthiriel  @coldmuffinbanditshoe  @disneylovingal @madzmilllz  @sgtjaamesbaarnes @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @southerngracela  @goldenfightergir @kellymat @official-and-unstable-satan @pagesoflauren 

[disneyat34]

Saludos Amigos at 34

A review by Adam D. Jaspering

In 1941, World War II was raging. A number of Latin American countries were beginning to sympathize with the Axis Powers. The Roosevelt administration did not want fascist ideology creeping into the western hemisphere. The State Department needed an ambassador to steer South America towards US interests. They needed Walt Disney.

Walt Disney Animation Studios was in a precarious situation in 1941. For starters, Disney Studios made an irreversible pivot towards feature filmmaking. After the success of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the company expanded. The Hyperion Disney Studio had been abandoned for the larger, more lavish, and pricier Burbank Studio. It was a great cost, but one Disney hoped to offset with his next few pictures.

Disney expected up to 75% of his gross revenue to be earned internationally. Because of the war, the European film market had dried up. As a direct result, Pinocchio and Fantasia were financial losses. Disney had spent too much money and was not earning it back.

These financial struggles culminated in the most infamous labor dispute in the company’s history. Layoffs were imminent, and Disney could only promise security to a small fraction of his 1200 employees. This was the tipping point for the Disney Studio staff.

While Disney proved his mettle as a cartoonist and filmmaker, his business savvy was underdeveloped. Disney was running his big company like a little company, not delegating tasks or departmentalizing. There were wild discrepancies in employee pay and benefits. Animators earned anywhere from $12-$300 a week for the same output of work. Disney, unsympathetic to his employee’s complaints, refused to amend his practices. The ensuing Disney Animator’s Strike lasted from May 29 to September 14th, 1941.

As a result of downsizing and retaliatory firings, Disney Studios exited the strike with only 694 employees. A majority of them, rather incensed by the ordeal. Disney needed three things to keep his company afloat. First, enough money to keep production financially stable. Second, a new market to sell his films until Europe became viable again. Third, he needed to recuse himself from duty until animosity subsided. The US Department of State could provide all three.

The deal was simple. Disney would embark on a 10-week goodwill tour to South America, financed by the United States Government. He would visit Argentina, Brazil, Chile, and Peru. Disney would convince the populace, media, and politicians that The United States was an ally worth keeping. For his cooperation, Disney was given federal loan guarantees, staving off bankruptcy.

Disney brought sixteen faithful employees along on the journey. They were a combination of animators, writers, and composers. They were tasked with soaking up the culture, atmosphere, and influence. Disney Studios would use these inspirations to create two films especially for Latin American audiences: Saludos Amigos (1942) and The Three Caballeros (1944).

Saludos Amigos is comprised of four independent segments, each one centered on a different area of South America: The Peruvian highlands, the Chilean Andes, the Argentinian Pampas, and Rio de Janeiro. Between these segments is video footage of Disney and his crew touring the continent. Perhaps to bookend the segments. Perhaps to ground the cartoons in a sense of reality. Perhaps to pad the runtime; Saludos Amigos is only 42 minutes long!

The first segment is titled Lake Titicaca, taking place at the namesake body of water, resting on the Peruvian and Bolivian border. The short features Donald Duck on vacation.

Donald Duck is one of the most popular characters in the Disney pantheon, and this is his feature film debut. He is appearing in a short within a movie, but it still counts as a feature film debut. Donald is a very static character. You know exactly who he is, what he is capable of, and what sort of situations he will find himself in. Some misfortune will befall him, he’ll overreact, and his anger will exacerbate the situation.

How he behaves in Lake Titicaca is exactly how he behaves in every short. Donald plays a tourist vacationing in Peru. He gets altitude sickness. He upsets a llama. His boat sinks and he’s plunged into the lake. The rope bridge he’s walking across falls apart, sending him careening down a gorge. It’s funny, the slapstick is well done, and it is paced well. It is a very typical Donald Duck cartoon.

It is so representative of Donald Duck, it could easily serve as a stand-alone short. It didn’t need to be part of a movie at all. There’s no massive increase in artistic style. No daring adventure in animation techniques. No groundbreaking backgrounds or design. Disney raised the bar for five consecutive films. Now he was lowering it.

In fairness, the artists did depict the Peruvian environment in a vivid manner. It’s a travel advertisement that doesn’t feel like one. The native craftwork, clothing, and culture are on full display, just as intended. 

For the first half of the short, anyway. Partway, the focus drifts away from Donald Duck visiting Peru to Donald Duck’s wacky hijinks with a llama. In short, Lake Titicaca does a decent job of portraying Peru. However, the focus is on Donald Duck first. Peru is simply the backdrop.

The second featurette is Pedro. Pedro is a personified airplane, the baby in a family of personified airplanes. Pedro’s father’s job is carrying the mail between Chile and Argentina. Every day, he flies over the treacherous Andes. One day, Pedro must fill-in for his father. It’s a parable about growing up and accepting responsibility.

The task and the journey is formidable. It’s made all the more complicated by Aconcagua, the tallest mountain in South America. More than an obstacle, Aconcagua is also personified. He is an angry and territorial mountain, with the ability to control the weather. Whenever planes bother him, he creates storms. It makes little sense. Personified airplanes also make little sense. Clearly, we can accept a large quantity of silliness. 

Much like Lake Titicaca, Pedro is enjoyable, but offers little in terms of cinematic grandeur. It’s easy to understand why. Disney and his group returned from South America in October, 1941. Saludos Amigos debuted in August, 1942. Cinematic grandeur was not the goal. A finished product was the goal.

Throughout the rest of the 1940s, Disney would be releasing a series of package films. Shorts, cobbled together without much rhyme or reason, released as a feature. The combination of Disney’s financial woes and reduced staff forced him to dial his filmic aspirations back. For the foreseeable future, his productions needed to be fast, cheap, and accessible. Saludos Amigos was the forefather of these films.

While the cartoon is underwhelming, it’s not necessarily bad. The major problem is, Pedro offers a very poor representation of Chile. Lake Titicaca offered Peru and its environments as a backdrop. Pedro seems determined to ignore its setting. If young Pedro was carrying mail from Denver to Sacramento, and a personified Pike’s Peak was giving him grief, very little would be changed. There is no Chile in this cartoon dedicated to Chile.

Chileans themselves were well aware of this slight. Chilean cartoonist René Ríos “Pepo” Boettiger was especially frustrated. After seeing Saludos Amigos, Pepo created a truly Chilean cartoon character. Condorito, an animated condor, debuted in 1949. Beginning as a simple comic strip, Condorito has been syndicated internationally, featured in his own comic books, been adapted to TV, film, and a webseries. He remains popular in Chile and throughout Latin America. It’s easy to get inspired by art you like. You can also be inspired by art you don’t like.

Next in the program is El Gaucho Goofy. Here, Disney staple Goofy makes his feature film debut. By 1941, Goofy’s schtick was drifting away from narrative-driven comic shorts and towards a parody of instructional videos. Already, he had “instructed” on baseball, skiing, swimming, fishing, and martial arts. These themed shorts would continue all the way to the 1960s.

El Gaucho Goofy aims to teach the differences between an American cowboy and a South American gaucho. Both have the same job, tending to cattle on the open prairie. The short highlights the regional and cultural differences.

A defining aspect of these satirical Goofy shorts, Goofy is at constant odds with an omniscient narrator. Goofy either tries and fails to follow the provided instructions, or follows the instructions too closely, resulting in disaster. The slapstick is one mere aspect of the humor. The remainder is a dissonance between what the narrator deadpans, and what Goofy actually delivers.

El Gaucho Goofy is funny in its own right. What’s more, Goofy is truly representing the life of a gaucho on the Argentinian Pampas. The short is basic, but entertaining, informative and detailed. Another strike against Pedro, outclassed in dignity and competency by Goofy.

The final segment of the film is Aquarela do Brasil (Watercolor of Brazil). Here, Donald Duck is employed once again. Not simply a sightseer in a foreign land, Donald is paired with Jose Carioca, a parrot and enthusiastic Brazilian patriot. Donald’s fiery temper and bad luck are sidelined for a whirlwind travelogue of Rio de Janeiro.

At the time of filming, Rio was the third most populous city in the western hemisphere (it’s currently fifth). It was the clear intention of the filmmakers to highlight the urban metropolis in all its modern glory. A deliberate rebranding of South America as not just farmers and rural villages. South America also houses centers of industry, culture and commerce, on par with New York.

But when featuring Brazil, one has an obligation to depict the country as a whole. The urban splendor must be paired with the natural beauty. The Amazon river basin and the Pantanal are magnificent natural wonders. Their unique ecosystems and indigenous life contribute to Brazil’s evolution as an empire. Even miles outside the city, there are sights to behold.

The Disney animators depict the natural landscapes well. They create a beautiful watercolor wonderland. A disembodied paintbrush swoops in from offscreen, creating the world in real time. We are given a contrast of deep greens, vivid fluorescents, and rich pastels. It’s very post-impressionistic in style and saturation.

When the short introduces Jose, it shifts into an exploration of Rio de Janeiro’s cityscape. Jose shows off trademark Brazilian interests, including nightclubs and a cachaça bar. Here, Donald partakes of his first glass of cachaça (a Brazilian spirit distilled from sugarcane, quite similar to rum). 

Saludos Amigos, not fully intended for children, has no shame depicting Donald Duck drinking hard liquor. For what it’s worth, he doesn’t seem to enjoy it. Not that the drink tastes bad, Donald can’t stomach alcohol at all. It’s a strange thing to both feature alcohol as a cultural highlight to be respected, but also outwardly discouraging the beverage to a percentage of the viewing audience. Such is the problem of using a children’s cartoon character as a cultural ambassador.

The character of Jose Carioca has a lot of personality. Even more when compared to an oddly subdued Donald, serving as an everyman and American analog. Jose is a passionate, excitable motormouth who launches into long monologues in his native Portuguese. He is often oblivious to Donald not understanding. He has much love for his native Brazil, and is quick to share it with everyone. He especially loves music and dance.

So much so, the movie has no choice but to end on a samba number. Like Fantasia before it, Saludos Amigos has no coda, no outro, and no farewell. Just a title card reading “The End.” Combined with its 42-minute runtime, I can imagine many audience members sitting confused in the theater, waiting for the movie to continue.

Saludos Amigos was never intended to be a masterpiece. It was a piece of propaganda and a tax write-off cobbled together in less than nine months. There are individual elements of the movie to be enjoyed, but nothing especially noteworthy. Had it been made by any studio besides Disney, it would be relegated to obscurity. Not that Saludos Amigos is a celebrated entry in the Disney canon.

The story behind the film’s production is more interesting than the movie itself. Walt & El Grupo, a 2008 documentary, fully detailed Disney and his South American tour. It’s clear that The Walt Disney Company, owner of the archival footage and distributor of the final work, had creative control. Details of Disney’s interoffice troubles and financial debts are briefly mentioned, but the film focuses instead on a recreation of his South American tour. The end result is a very dry, unengaging film.

Despite every problem with Saludos Amigos, it did improve American/South American relations during WWII. The Axis powers had tried to influence South America, but by 1944, Latin America fully embargoed both Germany and Italy. Saludos Amigos didn’t achieve much, but it helped stop fascism from conquering the world. How many movies can make that claim?

Fantasia  Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Pinocchio Bambi Dumbo  Saludos Amigos

[ivanaskye]

WoT reactions: book 4

Okay, I may be super tired, but I finished The Shadow Rising last night, and I HAVE A DUTY TO THE PEOPLE

(That duty is reaction posts.)

Once again, going character-by-character, because it’s a really convenient way to organize my thoughts in a series as sprawling as this.

[[MORE]]

Rand

Rand’s POV is BACK baby, and he has now ACCEPTED RESPONSIBILITY

But his next hurdle is comprehending the concept of trusting people

He does a pretty alright job in this book, using Lanfear’s suggestion as a jumping off point for both fucking with her and getting one of the Forsaken as a teacher

God I hope he tells SOMEONE that’s who his teacher is

Also really sad and ironic how he keeps thinking “if only I could trust Moiraine” when like, at this point, he totally could.

That’ll become ESPECIALLY true once news of the coup at the Tower reaches them; Moiraine literally cannot leash him to the Tower if the Tower is 100% full of people who want to kill him

Meanwhile, a lot of what he does this book has to do with the Aiel, and the big reveal about them—a ferocious warrior society!—actually being an offshoot of the super-pacifist Tuatha’an was fantastically well done, one of the best parts of the series so far. Each successive magical flashback giving you another moment in the slow change in these people. It was really good okay.

Also in those flashbacks: a hint at the Age Of Legends, which looks to be WAY cooler than I thought, and also there were tree people aparrently, but in more of a spirit way than an ent way, and man I want to learn more about THEM-

Anyway, as far as Rand goes, I remain fascinated.

Min

Awww yeah, our first scene was with Min this book, I was so happy to have her back

She doesn’t have a lot of chapters, I’m just putting her second because I love her

Also I love how her plotline went. The Tower falls. Siuan, the former leader of the Tower, is stilled (cut off from her magic permanently.) THEY ESCAPE WITH LOGAIN, A FORMER FALSE DRAGON ALSO CUT OFF FROM HIS MAGIC

Actually that brings me to

Siuan

Oh man I am so excited for where she is going from here

Formerly stately and poised magical leader now cut off from magic forever, likely to become some manner of vindictive avenger to stave off the intense depression that usually comes from being stilled? Count me in

I’m also really interested in where Logain is going but don’t know enough about him to give him his own section

Perrin

This is a BIG book for Perrin, whose ta’veren ability to pull things to him naturally lead to. Him organizing a defense against the trollocs AND WHITECLOAKS in the Two Rivers

Gets married to Faile literally on the eve of battle

Now he might be forced into the position of Being A Lord, lol

He never asked for this but he’s not bad at it either

Faile

Finds out about Perrin’s wolfy nature and is so into it

I wonder how many kinks she has, probably a lot

TRIUMPHANT return after Perrin attempts to send her away for her safety, (which he does right after marrying her LOL), now he will probably not attempt that again

It’s actually funny how much more uhhh un-sexist this series is (with the women fighting being one of the things that turn the tide, with it being narratively clear that Faile’s place is in HELPING THE WAR EFFORT, NOT IN SAFETY, etc) than a great deal of more recently written things lol

Egwene

Okay I’m calling it now, her arc is going to involve her eventually becoming the next Amyrlin Seat

(That was in one of her own visions of her future, and now something very similar in one of Perrin’s dreams, SO)

Mostly this book is her Learning How To Dreamwalk and also as usual Wanting To Know Everything, which is v relatable of her

The chances that she’s going to get with Galad have totally increased now that we know Gawyn is the evil one

Moiraine

What did she see in Rhuidean

I am so worried for her

Mat

He gets the cover image this book, and a weird and cool new weapon

Also a lot of interaction with outside-of-reality orange-and-blue morality... snake people? Who are probably also the Fae equivalent

I wanna know like, everything about this world

Also he thoroughly speaks the Old Tongue now

I’m not sure if he’s become a better person though lol

It took me embarrassingly long to realize that “daughter of the nine moons” as his future wife meant one of the Seanchan, lol.

Aviendha

Pooooossibly gonna be Rand’s third wife, which I don’t really like since I’m not that interested in her yet

Shrug

Elayne

RACHETED up to one of my favs IMMEDIATELY after having one of her first POVs in the series, I’m love her

Absolutely Has Braincells, Everyone Is Astonished

ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS DIPLOMACY

Filled with competence

Definitely The Friendly One in her part of the plot. Speaking of that...

Egeanin

NEW FAV NEW FAV

Plots about unlearning bigotry are usually pretty boring to me, but hers moves fast and I am honestly feeling so invested right now

COMPLETELY accidentally becomes friends with Elayne and Nynaeve, realizes ability to channel =/= evil

Order-obsessed, stern and *fantastic* in combat. We have two combat-oriented non-channeling women now and I am LIVING

Nynaeve

“How DARE Egeanin make me like her! I hate her so much for the fact that I still like her!” Legendary.

FACES OFF AGAINST A FORSAKEN AND WINS

UNIMAGINABLE RAW POWER

Is now confirmed to only be able to channel when angry because of a mental block/fear of her own power, I am so excited for when that block finally comes crashing down

[laurasinele]

To bring him back (a Fictober19 Stucky drabble)

Prompt 21: “Changes is annoyingly difficult”

Fandom: MCU

Tags: light angst, canonical memory loss, implied past relationship, stucky

Warnings: none apply

Ao3

It comes a time in one’s life when, after being confronted with the impossible enough times, nothing is impossible anymore. 

Steve Rogers had faced enough impossibles to believe almost anything. That’s why he didn’t second-guess much his gut when it jolted at the close sight of the ultimate assassin’s eyes. He could have sworn that was Bucky’s brow, Bucky’s nose bridge, Bucky’s determined gaze. He just needed to confirm with some authority that whatever unbelievable lost link in this narrative was a reality. Time travel, cloning, more super-soldier serum… He didn’t even questioned why his childhood friend, his best and only true friend, was trying to kill him. There sure must have been a reasonable explanation for it. Like extraterrestrial forces. Or fairies. 

The following months of fights and disagreement, of conspiracies and treason, were just a blur. Nothing compared to the fact that Bucky was alive. Nothing as hurtful as the fact that his childhood friend, his best and only true friend, didn’t remember him. Nothing as plunging as the realisation that this was the proverbial end of the line. Again. 

In the end, at a great cost, the Avengers assembled anew, and they took Bucky in. Better with them than against them, was the reasoning behind his recruitment. He underwent a gruelling neuro-psychological procedure to get rid of each and every trigger mechanism. The matter of getting his pre-Winter Soldier memories back was never risen. When Steve asked, everybody from SHIELD’s medical staff to Banner and even Loki and Dr. Strange told him it could happen or not, but there wasn’t a way to bring them back on purpose. As knowledgeable as they all were in their own fields, the human mind, they said, was still one of the greatest mysteries of the universe. 

The Avenger known as Winter Soldier was a quiet superhuman with an enhanced metal arm. His face and voice and date of birth were those of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, declared missing in action during a Howling Commandos mission against HYDRA. There’s where any similarity ended. Where Bucky had been good-humored, the Winter Soldier was brooding. Where Bucky had been extroverted and easy-going, the Winter Soldier kept to himself and was always one fraction of a step away of inabiliting the closest menace. Where there used to be that famous charming smile of Bucky, the Winter Soldier’s lips where always pressed thin, downcast, and his gaze was the closest thing to the void Steve could imagine. 

After all, the end of the line had arrived when Bucky fell of that moving train and Steve failed to catch him. There was no impossible turned true for them. His childhood friend, his best and only true friend, was gone. 

The world underwent several catastrophes, most of which never made the public eye, a handful of them solved without even leaving the Avengers headquarters. Old frictions smoothed, new friendships were born. Steve only looked longingly at the Winter Soldier every now and then, trying to find any sign of old Bucky’s personality resurfacing. It was an afterthought now. Those who had been worried for him and called it obsession in the first weeks didn’t even noticed.

The first time the Winter Soldier smiled, Steve dropped his mug of coffee. He said it was lack of sleep and everyone believed him. 

It wasn’t a big smile. His face relaxed for a moment and the corners of his lips perked up slightly. Steve had made a joke that he thought no-one would get when they’d asked him about being in “active service”. They meant literally, as in the military, but he made a sexual innuendo, because in his time “active service” could mean being sexually active. He said it rejoicing in the fact that no-one would get it and he would left them wondering once more about his sex life. But Bucky, no, the Winter Soldier, had smiled imperceptibly as he kept his head down, studying the history of the decades he had missed. 

Wanda catched the mug before it shattered against the floor, Steve made his lame excuse about not sleeping enough, retrieved his coffee and headed to his bedroom to try and calm down. It had been just a smile. A smile because of a joke that could have been funny in the forties. A joke he did several times with the Howling Commandos. “I’ve never been officially in active service in my whole life”. It could mean anything and it was funny because, literally, it was true but, figuratively, it left them wondering. But the Winter Soldier surely didn’t remember that. He probably smiled because that bit of slang was in his vocabulary, nothing more. Bucky was gone. He was the Winter Soldier now. 

Steve wasn’t sure if he needed a nap or a 50 miles sprint, now. He took his sweatpants off and put on a pair of rated jeans and a zipped hoodie over his plain white tee. He put on his baseball cap and fake glasses and headed out, to his exhibit. That, he reminded himself, was the only place where he could see Bucky, the real one. He looked more alive in the black and white footage than the Winter Soldier had ever managed to look in the real world. Now Steve needed to punch something, since there was no one left of those who did that to Bucky. The ones that killed Bucky. The ones creating an impossible in this stupid world where everything could be but this. It was a too loud world, too bright, too fast. Steve needed some respite. Maybe sleep would have been a better idea.

--

He couldn’t help but try, because of course he couldn’t. He had never been known for dropping things. He had been known for following his gut and ending up being right. So he kept peppering his speeches and chats with subtle hints to the thirties and forties in Brooklyn. Very specific things that only someone who’d been there would get, but not as singular as to catch the other Avenger’s attention. 

The Winter Soldier got them all. And Steve emboldened with each smirk, huff and glance. They were all very subtle and never led to a meaningful conversation. The Winter Soldier’s acknowledgement of Steve’s strategy finished in the non verbal hints of getting the reference. Tony Stark’s acknowledgement of Steve’s strategy was more direct. 

“A word, Cap”, said Tony after a briefing. When everybody left the room to their assignments, Steve cocked his head and waited for Tony to say something. “You know I am not against him anymore, do you?”

Steve rolled his eyes. 

“Tony…”

“Because I don’t. I swear, I learnt. We all learnt. He was a problem, until we realised he was a victim, and now he is a very valuable asset”

“What’s your point?”

Tony sighed through his nose while pursing his lips and weighing Steve with a stare. 

“I wouldn’t want him to become a liability”.

Steve felt the all anger of their Civil War creep in and zero into Tony’s solar plexus. He managed to refrain but he wasn’t amiable when he spoke. 

“Again, what’s your point?”

“I know what you are doing. I don’t think anybody else has, I just happen to pay a lot of attention to you. Well, probably Nat knows too, because she’s rolled her eyes at me a couple of times when you drop…”

“Okay, enough”. Steve knew better that denying it, but that didn’t mean he was willing to discuss it. “Your advice is noted. I won’t let it become a liability, but I won’t let it go either, because if there is a single chance to bring him back I will try. I won’t put it before the Avengers or the world’s safety, but will keep trying until he’s back or until one of us dies, whatever happens first”.

When Tony spoke he did it softly, measuring his words, the ghost of their past enmity very much present.

“Captain. Bucky is gone. You mourned him. If he ever comes back, that’s great, but chances are he won’t. And we cannot afford to have the greatest strategic mind of the planet distracted with psychological games and grief. It wouldn’t be betrayal if you let it go”

“It would”, he said defiantly, before speaking more calmly: “Advice noted, Stark. I will bear it in mind, I promise. You don’t have to worry”.

--

It had been a long time since Steve had gotten in the exhibition outside opening hours. Still, the guard tipped his cap as he opened the door for him.

“Long time no see, Captain”

“Been busy”, he smiled. “How are things, Alan?”

“Great as usual. You’ve got company by the way”, added Alan when Steve was about to round the corner. He stopped on his tracks to ask who, a cautious, calculating expression on his face, but then he saw the Winter Soldier standing in front of one of the panels. He turned his head and saluted, wearing that blank expression of his.

Steve approached him and stood by his side for a while. When the video on the screen had finished a loop, Steve talked in a low voice:

“Never took you for a nostalgic”.

The Winter Soldier hummed and turned to Steve:

“Me or your good ol’ pal Bucky?”

Steve looked at him not really sure if that was a genuine question, and accusation a retort or what in hell. The Winter Soldier walked to the next panel and Steve followed him.

“I come here every now and then. I try to make sure we won’t meet, because I don’t want to disturb you. I know this has some importance for you”.

“It has. I appreciate the thought”. And then, after hesitating for a while, he added: “Why do you come?”

The Winter Soldier shrugged.

“To see if it all comes back. It never does though”.

Steve’s face fell and the Winter Soldier noticed. He continued, this time looking at Steve.

“I come here after certain dreams or flashes. I don’t remember much aside from my.. HYDRA missions. And some unconnected things. More sensations than images or memories. Sometimes I dream a game of throw in an alley. Sometimes it’s me lying on a couch, looking at a chapped ceiling. A fan is buzzing and someone is drawing. I can hear the pencil against the paper and I can feel boredom and frustration, because I want them to stop and go play. I remember some things from the war too. As I said, only flashes. I come here and look at the pictures and try to find some link between them”.

Steve breathing was heavy and his jaw was set without him even realizing. He made himself look away from the Winter Soldier and into Bucky’s mugshot in the panel. Their expressions were so different it could have been an entirely different face. 

“Why haven’t you come to me? I could help you figure out those memories. We were joined at the hip, I probably remember those moments too. If I had known you were starting to remember I’d probably…”

“Change…” interrupted the Winter Soldier in his low monotone voice, “is annoyingly difficult. Specially when your mind has been set to a single track and you were excellent at it. It feels slow. It feels like disappointment. I don’t really remember you. I know we were good friends because I’ve been told, and I’ve read here”, he said nodding towards the panel in front of them, “but I don’t know why. I don’t know what happened. And I see what you do to try and bring this guy back, and the faces you make when I just don’t react. I didn’t want to give you false hopes in case he never really comes back. I know you must miss him a lot”.

“Oh, yeah? How would you know that?”, asked Steve with a sad laugh. The Winter Soldier turned his back to the panel, sighed and put his hands in his pockets. 

“There’s this feeling whenever I look at you. Like I want to punch you and kiss you at the same time. And during missions, there’s this need to protect you at all costs, as if you weren’t a virtually immortal super soldier. I don’t know where it comes from, but I know it’s Bucky’s”.

Steve looked at him, mouth hanging slightly. The Winter Soldier sighed again, turned his face to Steve and tried a small, apologetic smile. 

“That’s how I know, pal. He misses you too”.

Steve watched the Winter Soldier walk down the hall towards the exit. He turned back to the panel and Bucky’s mugshot. And he saw the very same smile the Winter Soldier had just given him. Steve smiled in return. It wasn’t a sad or unrealistically hopeful smile. It was the smile that had always made his way to his lips whenever Bucky was around. The one with which he said “hello” to him, and “goodbye”. The one with which he said “thank you”, “I’m sorry” or “I’m glad you’re here”. The one that loudly stated “I love you” for nobody to hear but his childhood friend, his best and only true friend. And he might be getting the echoes of it. 

[zerochanges]

Mobile Suit Gundam Narrative - One Night Movie Premiere

If you told me ten years ago that I would be able to regularly watch anime movies on the big screen in theatres I would have surely not believed you. Besides maybe a few Pokemon movies or an occasional film in some mega franchise I don’t particularly care for such as Naruto, the prospect would probably seem alien to me even. So it’s funny how times have changed and how anime screenings in theatres is becoming increasingly more common in North America. Just last month I was able to watch the phenomenal Dragon Ball Super Broly film in a packed theatre with a ton of other nerds and it was a delightful experience. Before that I got to see the fun anime version of Die Hard known as My Hero Academia: Two Heroes, and before that a love letter to Go Nagai known as Mazinger Z Infinity! Now only a month after Broly I get to watch an honest-to-God Mobile Suit Gundam motion picture in a theatre too? I feel like the luckiest guy alive. 

If I am being honest, I actually hate going to the cinema most of the time, and spent many years avoiding doing just that. I was always the type of person that was happy enough to rent a movie once it released on DVD/BD and that was the extent I would need out of cinema at large. The only exception I started to make was when Disney purchased Star Wars, and that was more out of fear that ravenous fans online couldn't keep their mouths shut than it was about anything else. Over the years however I started to develop a greater appreciation towards movie theatres at large and a lot of that has to probably do with anime. As I began to become a serious collector of anime and made the transition from my old DVDs to crisper BDs I realized I was at the point where as a fan I wanted the most out of my all time favorite movies--because these were not just my favorite anime movies but my actual favorite movies, and that’s when I realized I truly wish I could have seen them the way they were meant to be; on the big screen, with an insanely powerful surround sound system, with fans all gathered around cheering at the best moments. I will probably never get this experience for Akira, or Galaxy Express 999, or the many other films that mean the world to me now, but I can get the experience for future movies, so I don’t want to miss out ever again.

Gundam is one of my favorite franchises from my childhood. As a young kid I fell in love with the amazing robot designs and was blown away at the prospect of an anime that just felt so different from DBZ, which besides Pokemon was probably my only real understanding of anime at that age. As a teen and young adult especially the franchise became increasingly important to me and left a lasting impression on my psyche. I can’t tell you my favorite Gundam series nowadays because the answer will probably be different every time. Maybe I’ll say the original Mobile Suit Gundam, warts and all, it’s everything I love about anime from the 1970’s and to this day I still love the original Ocean Group dub from Canada. This dub while wooden and showing its age terribly will forever be etched in my mind as the definitive voices for most of the Universal Century characters despite Shuichi Ikeda buttery smooth, ecstasy inducing voice in most of the Japanese series. Maybe I’ll say Zeta Gundam as Kamile was a character my younger self identified a lot with and the series as a whole left a very strong impression on me. Maybe I’ll say Turn A Gundam, a beautiful psychedelic series that displays some of the best writing from series creator Tomino. 

So yes, having a chance to see any Gundam film in theatres was something I couldn't miss. Even if said film ended up just okay it wouldn't matter, as not in my wildest dreams did I actually think I would get this opportunity. I figured the closest I would ever be to seeing Gundam on the big screen would be if I happened to be in Japan for some reason around the time a new Gundam OVA or film was being screened. When Gundam Narrative tickets went on sale for North America I bought them the day online orders were opened and was even the first person to buy a seat at the theatre (thanks to reserved seating I could see nobody else had bought a seat yet). It didn't matter to me that I had to drive 45 minutes to the cinema, nor did it matter to me that I honestly knew nothing about Gundam Narrative, I just wanted to experience Gundam this way at least once in my life. And so last night I made the trek across the city and finally got to see Gundam like I never have. Now I have decided I want to share some of my thoughts and impressions about it. This won’t be a formal review, nor is it meant to be, as more or less I’m just expositing some of my thoughts, off the cuff.

First a little background information. Sunrise’s current "UC NexT 0100" project that tackles the next century of Gundam’s UC (Universal Century) time-line as well as their ambitious promise to deliver a new theatrical Gundam film every 1-2 years from 2018 onward is something to behold, so it’s no big surprise to me that the first film to kick off both of these initiatives would be a sequel to the highly acclaimed Gundam Unicorn OVA series. Saying Sunrise is kind of on a Unicorn kick right now would be an understatement after all. I actually don’t mind this so much however like a lot of people seem to, as Unicorn deserves all the praise it got and there is no two-ways about it being a pivotal factor behind Sunrise’s returning commitment to the UC time-line again after releasing nothing major in it for nearly a decade. Gundam Narrative serving as a sequel to Gundam Unicorn is something I am totally neutral about. 

My greater concern going into the Gundam Narrative film was more that Gundam and films have a pretty rocky history. Honestly most Gundam movies tend to be more on the awful side. If I had to rate all the ones I've seen I would probably only say Gundam Thunderbolt: December Sky and Gundam Thunderbolt: Bandit Flower are fantastic, the original Mobile Suit Gundam film trilogy is an excellent compilation movie series and a good enough replacement for its own television version, the Zeta New Translation films are incredibly disappointing and omit too much, Char’s Counterattack is a hot mess that barely makes a lick of sense, Gundam F91 would have been a fantastic TV show but as a movie it makes me sad, A Wakening of the Trailblazer is okay but also undone by its own weirdness, Endless Waltz is what you would expect out of Wing, the Turn A compilation movies are pointless, and G-Savior sure was … a thing that exist.

Well I am happy to say Gundam Narrative is among the rare films for the franchise that I thoroughly enjoyed from start to finish! A lot of this has to do with the scale being relatively small versus the usual scale in Gundam films that are way too big for their own good. Narrative’s laser focus on chasing after the missing Unit 03, the Golden Phoenix sibling to the two Unicorn and Banshee units we've seen in the previous Gundam Unicorn series allows it to tell a story largely separated from politics and the world at large--and let’s the characters become the main focal point of the film like any good movie should. 

This aspect alone is missing from so many other Gundam films and is partly why so many fail at being a good viewing experience. I’d say the few that do find that focus, mainly the Thunderbolt series of films and the original trilogy of movies made from the 1979 TV series are the best in the franchise’s filmography. A ton of other Gundam films tend to be bloated as well with rather boring middle sections, so the brisk fast pace of this 90 or so minute runtime for Narrative was a welcome relief. There are some awkward cuts to the film sure, but honestly I felt this beat sitting in the theatre for two and a half hours bored at the long winded middle section that goes nowhere like some previous Gundam films are especially guilty of. This was just enough time to tell a story of this scope properly. Of course the characters and scope of the story isn't enough to carry an entire film so the fantastic soundtrack from returning Unicorn composer Hiroyuki Sawano helped to sell a lot of scenes in the film as well.

The biggest factor that made Narrative for me however had to be the film’s focus on the more metaphysical aspects of Newtypes. Despite my disliking of a lot of Char’s Counterattack I still find the more psychedelic (so to say) aspects of it to be fascinating, just as I always have when such spiritual topics have shown up in prior Gundam works by Tomino and the many teams at Sunrise. While far from perfect I always enjoyed this kind of kooky spiritualism to the Gundam universe, a sort of new age 80’s science fiction interpretation of the soul would be the best way I can describe it but there’s no real way for me to do it justice nor to make it not sound ridiculous. Since Tomino has left a lot of Universal Century Gundam series have focused more on everyday soldiers instead and not so much on Newtypes, the future evolution of mankind, and the soul. In fact I always felt Sunrise somewhat shied away from a lot of these aspect to Gundam since then, so when we got to see this aspect return near the very end of Gundam Unicorn it was a nice treat to me personally. Having it permeate almost the entire runtime of Narrative’s story had me over the moon. A lot of people disagree, and more power to them, but I just can’t get enough out of the spiritual aspects seen in Narrative. 

Gundam Narrative being a modern UC time-line production means it of course has references and lore connections to a ton of other classic Gundam series and moments. I really enjoyed most them even if they were just silly fan service moments. I love that we got to see the famous Colony Drop drawn with modern day high budget animation and it wasn't just reused old footage. Getting to see clips of the Psycho Gundam ravage Hong Kong City was a joy on the big screen even if it lasted only about 10 seconds. I loved that we got to hear some of Char’s Dakar speech again in Narrative--this gave us an opportunity to hear Keith Silverstein, the modern English voice of Char since 2010 handle this legendary speech of his from Zeta Gundam. 

Speaking of the English dub my favorite performances were definitely Griffin Puatu’s portrayal of the protagonist Jona Basta that had to carry a lot of the emotional weight of the film and Stefan Martello’s portrayal of the off-the-walls insane Zoltan Akkanen who was just a pure fun villain that ate up every scene he was in. The Narrative Gundam itself being a reworked prototype of Amuro’s Nu Gundam from Char’s Counterattack four years ago was also a fun way to fit another Gundam into this time frame and I love it gave us such a classic looking Gundam in the Unicorn era of the franchise.

I had almost zero expectations for Gundam Narrative, and all I really wanted was the big screen experience for Gundam. As someone that loves the psychedelic spiritual aspect of Tomino’s old works, and someone with zero expectations that a Gundam movie can really be all that good anyways I walked away from that theatre last night loving what I saw. Gundam Narrative has me personally excited for the future of Gundam films, especially if it means we may see more theatrical screenings in North America for said films. This is probably not a film for everyone, and is definitely heavy on both your love of Gundam Unicorn and your love of some of the craziest stuff Tomino would whip out in his heyday of working on the franchise, but if you’re like me I think this one will be a lot of fun, even off the big screen. 

[ketzwrites]

Rewatch 107: Major Arcana

This is one of my favorite episodes from season 1 even though it quickly goes downhill with deliberately forced writing decisions after Act Four. 

Teaser

The episode starts with Clary, Jace, and Luke still at Magnus’ on the same night they arrived. I’m trying to figure out how the timeline worked so Alec could have spent the night so we got the flashback from 218. It’s hard.

Simon went from the DuMort to Maureen’s bed on the same night. That… makes sense?

Oh, okay. So, Luke said they’d go to the precinct in the morning. So, presumably, he spends the night at Magnus’s. Do Clary and Jace spend the night there too? I wouldn’t think so because they change clothes. Maybe everyone went to their places and only Alec stayed? I’m so confused.

Act One

This episode is peak Clace. I can get on board with this fun and cheeky dynamic.

Robert is like “Izzy, dear… quick question… why… are you… cosplaying as your mom?”

Why does everyone think Downworlders would be working with Valentine? No, honestly, why? Being forced to work for Valentine, okay. But helping him? Out of their own free will? Why is this a thing the characters worry about at all?

When I first watched this conversation between Alec and Izzy, I thought Izzy was asking Alec to be honest with her and admit that he’s gay. But he has told her that years ago. Rather, Izzy here really is asking Alec to be honest about what happened at Magnus’s beyond “Magnus made cocktails, but nothing happened”. I dig that. Also, “turning on a new leaf” is peak Alec humor.

The juxtaposition joke between Alec/Izzy scene and Clary/Jace scene is cheesy but I like it.

Act Two

Clary being smart is something I will never get enough of. But the fact that the cops at the precinct know her and help her deal with the “crappy boyfriend” makes my heart ache because in 310 Luke’s superior asks about the daughter that disappeared. Clary’s mundane life is so underused but when it comes up, I get sad in the right way.

The humor on this episode is so silly but so wholesome. Simon’s making lists about becoming a vampire and the waitress being like “I don’t get paid enough for this.” And it is cute that Simon and Clary are regulars at Java Jones. More hints to Clary’s mundane life that could’ve been used further along in the series.

The dog barking at “Vargas” and not at Fisk was a really nice touch.

*Obligatory mention of Jace saying Alec has never slapped him on the face two episodes before Alec punches him*

Simon saying “I think I’m sick” and not “I think I’m turning into a vampire” is such lazy writing. Either make Clary don’t take the call or have him say what he really thinks is happening and Clary dismisses that assumption. It is not Clary’s fault that she assumes Simon is having another hypochondriac episode when Simon starts the conversation like that. Clary will feel bad about this conversation in the next episode, but I’m not buying it.

RIP Captain Vargas. You were cool.

Act Three

I’m glad NYPD is portrayed as competent in this show. Fisk knows something doesn’t add up in Luke’s narrative, he just can’t possibly imagine that something is supernatural in nature. Still, he’s not convinced by flimsy excuses. Fisk, Ollie, Lt. Dwyer: it makes sense that they would be a pain in Luke’s ass. It wouldn’t be believable if they weren’t.

More mundanes being smart. Maureen thinks Simon is on drugs, Becky and Elaine make an intervention. People acting like people would. Though Simon still searching for a mundane explanation is stupid and I’m tired. It’s been three episodes. Get on with the program.

I don’t know if “I’m on your side” is the line Alaric used when he kidnapped Clary because apparently that scene existed and was cut, so no, I do not appreciate a call back to something I didn’t watch. Also, if Clary and Simon left the room after Alec specifically told them not to, that means Alec didn’t lose them; they disobeyed his instructions.

Clary chooses the most uncomfortable way to draw a rune for no logical reason other than to get Jace to draw it for her. Noted.

Alec continues to be made relatable as he panics over serving as the distraction in this tiny hero-arc. Reluctant hero refusing the call? Check. Hero tries to be something he is not and fails? Check. Hero finds his own path and accomplishes the goal? Check. Simple, silly, and very effective.

It’s funny how random the “turning things into drawings” Fray power works. I think the common factor is strong emotions. Clary was happy at the coffee shop and then she was distraught at Magnus’s. Sounds like a plausible theory.

“We need to leave this place full of demons as quickly as possible and secure the Mortal Cup which is with Clary, so obviously the three trained shadowhunters should walk fast and leave her behind.”

Act Four

Why is leaving the sniper-type in a perfect shooting position even a problem? Alec couldn’t have a better shooting point than in front of the tight entrance that is directly in front of him. Jace should know better than that.

Oh, now the writers have Simon spill out the real problem when Clary can’t pick up the phone. Right.

That is really not the time for Clary to be thanking Jace – and only Jace – for helping her.

Act Five

I still don’t get how does Valentine control these many demons. They tried to explain it away by saying he’s bribing them but how does that work? Bribing them with what?

Jace really sucks at defense tactics in this episode. He told Clary to go on by herself? Really? There are two shadowhunters there. Leave one behind. Instead of wasting screen time with poorly timed declarations, they should’ve spread out this flee attempt with each Lightwood having to stay behind until Clary was truly on her own. These three are supposed to be competent at their job.

Act Six

Luke using the pack to protect Clary: 1

I actually like that it is Clary who kisses Jace and not the other way around.

If, on one hand, I blame Camille’s blood for Simon’s attraction to the DuMort, on the other I blame lazy writing for Simon never once mentioning his suspicions about becoming a vampire to Clary or the shadowhunters until it was too late. He had ample opportunity.

That all said, it’s interesting that Camille makes the decision of killing Simon. She didn’t have to, it wasn’t an accident, and she knew there was a big chance he’d come back to see her. As the villain that she is, Camille decides to murder Simon – and she doesn’t even turn him herself, as we’ll see on the next episode. It truly is just murder, not procreation.

[intoxicatingimmediacy]

The Range and Resonance of 2018’s African-American Films

[...] Blindspotting is not the first narrative film about complicated racial tensions, but it might be the first that explores those tensions mostly through the issue of gentrification. Its portrait of 2018 Oakland, Calif., exposes the ugly side of a rapidly evolving America, one where the once predominantly black neighborhood has become the new rich white hot spot of San Francisco. Greasy fast-food joints go the health-food route. Old houses are either dismantled as part of their transformation as “fixer-uppers” or bulldozed completely to make way for new designer homes. One of the film’s producers, Keith Calder, even said on Twitter, “We literally had to not shoot in certain locations because they were gentrified in the weeks between our first location scout and when we showed up for pre-production. If anything, we undersold how extreme the gentrification in Oakland is.” The reason this matters is because rapid gentrification results in two cultures radically clashing against each other, often with the worst tendencies of the rich usurping the identities of the very culture it is destroying.

[...] These are remarkably complex questions—the biggest triumph of Blindspotting is its ambition. It’s constantly using hyper-cinematic language to emphasize feeling, which means it’s often trying to find the balance between its “reality” and such stylization. The result is rough-and-tumble, funny and humane. But it’s as if it’s constantly attempting triple backflips of tonal disparity. We could have endless conversations about whether certain moments in the film “work” in terms of the audience’s acceptance. For instance, I’ve seen a lot of discussion about the final rap moment—discussion that I think is less about believability and more about how a traditional standoff would have been more dramatic. But focusing on such moments also makes us miss the significance of those endless scenes that pull off the triple backflip with jaw-dropping acumen.

I think about the endless details of drinks and guns and tattoos and conflict piling up and reversing, then how the direction of commentary switches at a moment’s notice. For instance, I loved the subtle change of cinematography in terms of who was watching “the fight.” And the parking lot scene is not only worth the price of admission, it’s a thematic exploration I’ve been wanting to see expressed in movies for ages. For these two lifelong pals, there is no escape from the reality of how skin color affects their livelihoods and their friendship. In a gentrifying world, no matter how much we think we understand cultures that overlap, no matter how much we think we might be joining something instead of bulldozing it, for even for the most “liberal” and inclusive, there’s always the lingering question of what we see first—and how it affects absolutely everything.

And there is so much more of that story to explore.

[...]  To call these four films “the same” is its own act of blindspotting, just as so many white people wrote off Black Panther as just another Marvel movie, failing to engage with even the simplest themes it had to offer because they took only a cursory look at its message. Maybe those same people would be more open to Blindspotting’s direct verbalizing of racial intricacies and micro-infractions, but maybe they’d also get hung up on its “changing tone.” Maybe they’d love Sorry to Bother You’s exploration of race and economics via a gonzo absurdist morality play, but maybe they’d also get hung up on the last act being “out of nowhere.” Maybe they’d love the way BlacKkKlansman recounts a true story that drags us to face the harsh reality of the racist timeline of this country, but maybe they’d want something that feels “less manipulative.” The point of all these maybes is that we will find a litany of excuses to write off powerful films that confront something deep within us. These are the kinds of films that a certain type of white critic will pick apart while failing to engage with even the basics of what they do so well. And there is no more dismissive action then the action of lumping them all together.

[dio-roga]

‘Let Your Heart Hold Fast (Shadow People)’

Author:               @jjamestiberius (niente) Status:                Complete Word Count:       76,862 Links:                  AO3 Rec No:               #3 (Part One)

The Gist of It (aka. TLDR Sorry, you gotta to read this one. No argument )

‘The best Craig/Clyde story published to date. No, I’m not exaggerating.

Set during their young adult years, Clyde is a hapless romantic, trying to find something in his life to hold onto. Craig is… well– Craig… he’s made some mistakes and faced his share of problems. This beautifully written, fully-fleshed out masterwork tells the story of their reunion and the two of them coming to terms with just how long-overdue it was. The writing is utterly gorgeous and technically-brilliant, and the imagery– honestly dudes –it’ll stick with you long, long after you’re done.

I cannot recommend this one enough. You will not be disappointed.’

Fair Warning: This story was the reason I started writing these things in the first place. I could sing it’s praises from every rooftop until long after my voice gives out. You better believe this is going to run long. Like– we’re talking five thousand words plus… Buckle up buckaroos.

Plot

You know what’s weird? This recommendation turned into the hardest I’ve ever had to write so far, which I find bizarre considering how much I adore this work. I think one of the reasons I’ve been having so much trouble is that I find it very difficult trying to encapsulate the entirety of my feelings towards this story. More than ever before, I’ve been finding it almost impossible to stay objective, to the point of not wanting to give a single thing about the plot away to make certain new readers can experience it as fresh as I did that first time around.

Now wouldn’t that just make for an excellent write up?

But hey dudes, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do… so here we go– in short:

It’s a slow burn read and an especially slow burn for the characters, co-narrated by our two romantic leads (with an introductory chapter provided in Kyle’s point of view), spanning the years of Craig and Clyde’s lives from a failed high school romance to a sudden and quite unwelcome reintroduction after over a decade apart. The main focus from then on out being the gradual reintegration of Clyde back into Craig’s life and Craig back into Clyde’s, along with the fumbling but ultimately endearing mess it all becomes. It’s a slice of life that truly lives up to the name, being effortlessly relatable while also telling a grounded, realistic and very adult-themed story about re-examining old chapters of your life and using them to grow as a person. (Even discovering aspects about people you thought had long since vanished over the years)

I think more than anything, this story reminds me of a sitcom– one of those comforting ones from the 90’s or 00’s, during the peak of its run, were you see it on TV and it’s like spending time with friends you haven’t seen in a while. Everything suddenly clicks and suddenly you’re back in that world, picking up right where you left off. The plot is there, and it’s funny and charming, and inevitably– sometimes a little heart-breaking –but it’s never overwhelming. The story serves the characters, not the other way around. The plot gives way to allow them room to breathe, and it shines all the brighter for it.

Honestly, it’s a brave kind of story to tell, intentionally allowing for a muted delivery and the lack of a primary driving motivator. Under less skilled hands, it’s the kind of plot that could come across as meandering and directionless. But instead, thanks to the utterly captivating writing, it serves its role as a perfect example of understated storytelling– like that perfect splash of color that ties a room together (a simple elegance that Clyde’s attempts at interior decorating during the narrative sadly never match).

Utterly riveting from start to finish, filled with what reads like a lifetime of genuinely magical little moments that’ll make you feel as if you’ve spent as long a time in this world as the characters have.

Speaking of the characters, get ready for some serious gushing dudes…

Characters

This is characterization in fanfiction done to its finest– staying true to canon while understanding the essence of each character to such a high degree that every familiar face from the show remains a familiar face, even as young adults. It blends a wonderful mix of well-known tropes with well-rounded and realistic development; every character fitting both how you remember them, as well as how you’d expect them to grow over the years. To be honest, I was initially worried this wouldn’t be the case when I first came across this story, given the time-frame of the main plot is set long after most of the cast have graduated college– and though yes, they have matured certainly, and understandably changed as a result, the author goes to great lengths to make certain that, first and foremost, you’re reading a South Park story with South Park characters.

Which brings me onto Clyde, who in my mind, is the breakout character of the piece. It’s no big secret that I adore a well done Clyde Donovan– the dude tragically underutilized or flat-out mishandled in many stories, as well as suffering from a severe case of background-character syndrome across the board (including the actual show, so– not all that surprising, I guess). It’s with great pleasure that I can say then, unequivocally, and without a trace of doubt, that this story is like a love-letter to fans of Clyde everywhere. Aside from telling a good chunk of the narrative from his perspective, as well as the in-depth accounts of Clyde’s thoughts and feelings, relationships and personal history that we’re constantly treated to– Clyde is given a proverbial goodie-bag of intensely powerful character moments, fresh and interesting takes on his career, skills and social life, and is such a goddamn sweetheart that he lights up every scene he inevitably steals. It’s hard to not to keep falling in love with the guy at every given opportunity. He’s a fitting emotional core to the story and this version in particular has influenced how I see him as a character more than any other depiction of Clyde I’ve read before or since.

My favoritism notwithstanding, the rest of the cast are equally as charming and well-written when it comes right down to it. Craig is in top form, providing the usual perfect rational personality counterpoint to his emotional dual protagonist, while also meshing seamlessly on a deeply personal level with Clyde that brings out the best in both of them. He’s level-headed and low-key snarky, but cares a lot more than he lets on and has a good heart– even if it’s behind some pretty thick shielding. The pair’s relationship is a sight to behold throughout the entire story, and– without giving anything away –the chemistry is clear for all to see from the very beginning, not requiring any heavy-handedness or contrivance; Craig and Clyde just work together, a matched set that’s frayed around the edges over the years.

Stan and Kyle play important roles, both as Clyde’s best-friends/pseudo-family/protectors (something rarely explored in other stories, and just as endearing as it sounds) as well as the other major romantic pairing (perhaps unsurprisingly to most veteran South Park readers). As it happens, this story was originally penned as a look at Stan and Kyle’s relationship through Clyde’s eyes, and that uniquely original element still remains– mirrored by Craig and Clyde’s relationship being initially explored through Kyle’s perspective in the first chapter. Stan and Kyle’s romance, as well as the characters themselves, are handled with the utmost care and love –no half-measures accepted, with as much of an engaging story arc as our leads (making certain to earn it by constantly engaging with the narrative; never feeling like a distraction or B-plot)

This is par for the course with most key players in the story– no one feels unnecessary and everyone adds something meaningful to the overall narrative; Kenny and Tweek being notable standouts, but even more minor roles such as Wendy, Bebe, Cartman and the Tucker and Donovan families provide some important plot contributions in both passive and active ways. Just like real life, it’s a number of small things coming together that eventually shapes how the story is told. I’m particularly amazed that an entirely original character is introduced at one point, something that usually makes me wary, but thanks to the dialogue, set-up and eventual pay-off, he and his time in the story tends to stand out just as memorably as the interactions between the canon cast (an extremely difficult trick to pull off).

Now I’m rambling a bit, but it really merits repeating that the author’s style just fits these characterizations brilliantly. As mentioned, they’re given room to naturally grow and develop outside of a strong-armed plot structure, and the world they inhabit gives them (as Stan and Kyle’s apartment is once described) a really ‘lived-in’ feel. It’s easy to imagine each of them simply living their lives off-screen, events unfolding independently regardless if we’re there to read about them or not. You can tell a lot of effort went into fully fleshing out these dudes and that comes in no small part– sneaky segue incoming –to the exceptional amount of research, planning and detail that makes up the author’s legitimately masterful style of writing…

Style

To preface this– and really, as a fairly obvious sign of gold-standard quality –I would be shocked, like, completely and totally shocked to find out that Niente (our wonderful author) doesn’t have some kind of classical training; undergraduate level, at the very least– their writing is simply too polished and too well put together for me to feasibly believe otherwise. It feels almost redundant to point out that this story is written to a publishable standard, all the hallmarks of grade-A storytelling on full display from beginning to end. What always makes me smile however is the unique qualities to the writing that push it beyond simple technical brilliance; a certain stripped-back and raw quality is lent to a lot of scenes, letting the work speak for itself and managing to capture these enchanting moments that linger in your head long after you’ve finished reading.

It’s abundantly clear that the author is well versed in the source material, including many clever references that highlight some of the quirkier elements from the show (without feeling fan-servicey or redundant, naturally) while also– perhaps unsurprisingly at this point –somehow often managing to help advance the plot (Remember how the Pope’s a rabbit in South Park? Because you sure will come the end of chapter two). More remarkable still, over and above the clear love of the show on which the story’s based on, is the author’s dedication to fleshing out the lore of this timeline we’re presented. The sheer amount of work in keeping continuity and detailing how things changed and how those changes came about is a real delight to read; like rediscovering South Park again after a long time apart. There’s an author’s note explaining that every off-shoot comment, backstory, or event that we only see glimpses of (Stan and the gangs usual hi-jinks, for instance) have been legitimately thought out and accounted for– even if they’re not included in the narrative –and god damn if that isn’t some admirable dedication right there. Really helps explain how vibrant and alive the setting always feels.

There’s a lot of planning on display throughout the whole story, keeping the writing tight yet eloquent. There’s a real sense of purpose in what’s presented, and it feels as you come to the end of the work, that everything meant something; you leave feeling invested and that your investment was rewarded with substantial pay-offs and true-to-life emotional closure. There is something mentioned in the first chapter, offhandedly, that returns later down the line as a god damn touchstone to the themes presented up until that point, conversations between characters that reference seemingly inconsequential events that are seen in a whole new light from that moment after; It’s moments like these that remind you that you’ve been reading something that’s been lovingly crafted, purposeful in its direction and confident in its ability to deliver on past promises.

One last thing, because otherwise I’m just never going to stop talking and you’ll all be skeletons by the time we’re done (and that’ll make me feel bad– probably). I greatly appreciated the quiet moments in this story. As I mentioned above in the plot, much of the writing can come across as understated– there’s no big, wacky theatrics or ticking clocks; everyone simply inhabits the world rather than chews its scenery. This really does do wonders by tying in with a later theme of the importance of personal feelings over grand displays; there’s something so heart-warming and intimate about so many moments of dialogue, little acts of kindness, or simple stray observations that add this rich texture to every scene. It ultimately makes everything feel more special and important than it might have otherwise been if the need to fit in big ‘emotional/dynamic set-pieces’ prevailed. More than anything, it’s a mature style of writing; true to real-life in that most things aren’t really some grand adventure– but they certainly feel like it when they’re happening to you and the people you care about. The technical bones of this story are rock solid, make no mistake, but– as cliché as it might sound –it’s the soul of the work that carries it above and beyond into something truly special.

Favorite Things

A carefully crafted plot-line that knows when to focus and when to back-off, allowing for some intensely satisfying character drama, legitimately earned emotional pay-offs, and a perfect conclusion that both neatly ties everything together as well as providing enough good vibes to leave you a more hopeful and enriched person by stories end. I legit cried– not going to lie.

Possibly the best Clyde Donovan put to words– a weighty statement to be sure, but there’s something so infinitely refreshing about Clyde’s struggles as a writer, emotional vulnerability, unwavering optimism and kindness that makes this adaption so wonderful. I love ‘Bro Clyde’, don’t get me wrong, but this portrayal will always hold a special place in my heart.

The setting, world-building and lore are a sight to behold– very few fanfictions can boast such a detailed and lovingly well-thought out framework. With so much rich history in both the lives of the characters and the town itself, there simply not enough time to explore it all, creating the feeling of a large and vibrant world, truly lived in by its cast of characters.

A myriad of beautifully quiet moments, tender romantic gestures, and small victories that pepper the narrative– be it Clyde’s conflicted inner monologue as he cleans his apartment, Kyle’s and Stan’s silent conversations told entirely through eye-contact, or Craig taking a moment to wipe clean the corners of Clyde’s mouth with his napkin during a snack; it’s the kind of imagery that really sticks with you.

The themes of gradual re-connection, feeling adrift in adulthood, trying to discover what makes you happy and pursuing it, engaging with your past in order to build your future– I would wager there’s at least one, if not many ideas that will feel profoundly relatable to a lot of readers, and this story does an excellent job of engaging and exploring them with a mix of sincere insight and often times genuine catharsis.

Remember at the start, where I said this was difficult to write? Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t, I had to scroll up and look myself– hell, I wrote that sentence like, three days ago or something by now. I said up there that one of the reasons I found this a challenge was that it’s tough to try and list everything you love about something special to you; which I suppose is pretty common knowledge, right? It’s hard to be put on the spot to explain yourself when you feel deeply about something– you always think you’re not going to do the subject justice, or that by condensing your feelings for it, you’re not going to give the full picture, regardless of how much detail you go into.

Honestly, I think I’ve been feeling this way about ‘Let Your Heart Hold Fast’ (brilliant song to name it after, by the way) for some time now– probably since I first read it like, half a year ago. It’s still a story I think about on a regular basis, and really, when something affects you to the point where you’re still thinking about it months and months down the line, it almost feels like your duty to recommend it to everyone you can, if only for the chance that it might give them the same amazing experience you were rewarded with. I’ve been worried writing this that I wouldn’t be able to translate just how much I cherish this story into words, but– you know, I hope I got close enough, and even if no one ever reads a word I have to say on the matter, I sincerely hope that everyone at least reads the story instead.

Because it’s worth it. I really do believe that you’ll be better off having read it– I know that’s subjective, and that ‘it meant something to me’ means nothing to most, but seriously dudes, trust me here, alright?

This story deserves having people read it, and you all deserve to have more extraordinary things to read in your life.

If it isn’t massively obvious, to the author, Neinte, I can’t thank you enough dude. I can’t imagine the time and dedication– and seriously, the obvious talent and creativity on your part –that must have gone in to writing this. All I can say is that I’m thrilled that you did, and that it’s time well spent, because honestly? The results speak for themselves. You should be so proud of yourself, to have made something so meaningful and well-crafted– you’re a master dude, I’d love one day to be half the writer you clearly are. You deserve the biggest pat on the back imaginable, and you deserve to feel amazing– because really, this is more than just a job well done, this is inspirational work.

Spoilers and art coming up in the next post, I’ll try not to write too much (no promises) –but there’s some more stuff I’m dying to cover (my favorite scene specifically) so hope to see you there when you’re done reading the story!

[marionthegeek]

Can We Talk About Pavi? Heck, Can We Just Talk About Ravi?

Because he needs to be a better man if he wants this to work out.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking.  She’s a big-time RaviOli shipper, of course, she doesn’t like Pavi.  But just hear me out a minute, okay?  Because I want to like Pavi.  I really wish I could. 

I adore both Peyton and Ravi.  I want them to be happy.  I just have serious concerns about how Ravi (and to a much lesser extent, Peyton) views romantic relationships.  Ravi’s so bad at it I don’t even want him with Liv until he gets his shit together.  And you know I ship it...hard.   This essay is not about one ship vs. another.  This essay is about how Ravi needs to grow as a character.

Ravi tries very hard to impress Peyton.  That, in and of itself, isn’t so bad.  But he treats their relationship (and Peyton) like a prize to be won.  Like an end goal.  Not like the beginning of a partnership or the start of a life together.  She deserves better than that.  They both do.

I’m not saying they couldn’t get there.  And if they do, I will at least be reasonably happy with the narrative.  I could be happy for them and happy with Liv and Ravi as the best of platonic friends.

Ravi, even in season 1, has one real flaw.  He likes to impress pretty girls.  And yes, it’s with the goal of dating them.  But he’ll talk himself into a corner to achieve goal one.  He never thinks very far beyond what he wants to get out of it.  See episode 1x2, where he lets a woman believe he’s a detective so he can chat her up.

Ravi is gorgeous and tall and smart.  More than that, he’s funny and charming and a genuinely nice guy.  In a show full of morally grey characters, Ravi is as close as we get to a perfectly good “good guy”.  He’s forthright and loyal to his friends.  He takes his Hippocratic Oath very seriously.  He has a noble goal of finding a cure and saving the world.  He’ll even put his life on the line to save one of the “bad guys”.  And at first, his one real flaw is a “blink and you’ll miss it” thing.

When he’s first asking Liv to find out if Peyton’s dating anyone, he expresses interest in dating her.  But, he has her best friend right there.  Someone who he’s very close to.  And he asks absolutely nothing about Peyton except if she’s dating anyone.  She’s a goal.  A thing he wants.  He doesn’t ask Liv what Peyton likes to do or what her dreams are.  He doesn’t even ask what kind of flowers she’d like or what her favorite color is.  My point is, he takes very little interest in Peyton beyond her being a sexual object.  A goal.

Once they have a few dates, he does try to tailor them more to her interests.  Visiting the sites where Vertigo was filmed would probably have made Peyton happy.  But it is still very much framed in the narrative as Ravi trying to impress her.  And then Peyton leaves.  And Ravi is more upset for Liv than he is for himself.  Because he knows Liv has far more emotional attachment to Peyton than he does.  Which strikes me as a little off, given how fast he formed emotional bonds with Liv and Major...  It tells me Ravi views friendship and romance very very differently.

Now, let’s talk about Steph.  Because Ravi’s epic f***-ups of season 3 were very well foreshadowed in season 2.

He meets a girl at a club the one time in his life that he’s high.  But she’s cute and willing to sleep with him, so he decides to keep seeing her.  They start seeing a lot of each other.  She’s clearly into it.  Into Ravi.  And we see from the way he talks about her with Lv and Clive (and later Peyton and Major) that he’s just not that into her.  But he keeps dating her.  Because she’s cute and willing to sleep with him.  She starts to assume a real relationship is possible here.  And he panics.

Meanwhile, he’s enjoying the fact that his hot ex, Peyton, is staying with him.  First of all, I’d like to point out that Steph is a class act.  She wasn’t bothered by Peyton staying there.  And when he tries to whine to Peyton about Steph becoming clingy, Peyton shuts him down masterfully.

Now, Steph and Ravi didn’t have much in common.  And her sweet but misguided attempt to remind him of home is played for laughs.  And their break-up was inevitable.  But he treated her poorly.  He let her believe there was relationship potential when there wasn’t because he likes getting laid on the regular.  He knew weeks before he broke up with her that they at least needed to have a conversation about what they wanted.  He put it off because she might take sex off the table.  And even when he absolutely knew he was going to break up with her... he slept with her.  He waited until the morning after.  Dick move, Ravi.

The audience wasn’t emotionally invested in Steph.  And Ravi is such a wonderful person otherwise.  And Steph was played for laughs.  But Ravi’s pattern of bad behavior is there if you look.

And hours... just hours... after he ended things with Steph, he tries to kiss Peyton.  The woman who wants to be his friend and hang out.  He goes in for the kiss without even thinking about it.  And she calls him on it.  Thank goodness.  But he also doesn’t pick up on the fact that she needed a friend because he’s too disappointed that she isn’t sexually interested in him.  She’s visibly upset and he retreats to his room because of the failed kiss, even though she clearly wants to still hang out.

When he finally does realize Peyton is having problems a couple of episodes later, we start down the saga of Ravi being hungover all the time trying to impress Peyton who can drink him under the table.  The sad part here is this was the best time between them.  They were talking.  They were being friends.  And Ravi was showing real concern for Peyton as a person, not just a potential lay.

Another window into Ravi’s dating habits is given in season 2.  Darcy, the barista at Positivity Coffee from episode 2x14.  Ravi thinks she’s the “city’s foxiest cashier.”  And later in the episode, he tries to flirt with her.  It falls completely flat.  She’s never seen Star Wars and she likes transgressive rhymes.  It’s played for laughs, and it is funny.  But it also shows that Ravi knew nothing about this girl.  He’s been making eyes at her for (at least) months, but all he knows is she’s cute to look at.  Ravi’s priorities about the women he views as potential romantic partners are very one dimensional.

The end of season 2 sees Peyton and Ravi getting back together after Ravi jokes about “Nice guys finishing last.”  Let’s pause for a moment at this point in the timeline to talk about this for a second.  Ravi is a genuinely nice man.  He’s a great friend.  But in many ways, his dating life verges on him being a Nice Guy™️.  Now, it’s definitely on the cusp.  It’s one of the things that makes the writing in this show great.  Ravi is shown to be a genuinely nice friend to Liv, a woman that at least in earlier seasons he cannot be sexually interested in without becoming undead.  So, we know he can have a successful friendship with a woman.  But Ravi doesn’t really have any other female friends.  If you discounted his friendship with Liv, every other attractive woman --of the right age, who is available-- he’s encountered in the show has been a potential bang.

Now, I think Ravi fights these tendencies.  He’s not blowing up at women who reject him.  He’s the least violent person in the show.  A true passivist.  And he means his apologies when his romantic overtures fall flat.  But it’s not hard to imagine Ravi as someone who would describe himself as “in the friendzone”.

So, Peyton and Ravi are back together.  And then Ravi finds out she once slept with Blaine.  He freaks out.  Even he knows it’s irrational.  But it still happens.  Peyton is kidnapped and Blaine saves the day.  And yes, Peyton is grateful to Blaine for saving her life.  But as far as she was concerned, she was still dating Ravi.  But he ghosts her for a week after she’s just had the most traumatic experience of her life.  Because he can’t get right with the fact that one of her past sexual partners was Blaine.  And Ravi tries to figure out why he can’t put it behind him and comes to the conclusion that it must be that he’s in love with Peyton.  Which he blurts out at an extremely inopportune moment.

Of course, Peyton didn’t know what to think of that.  Who would?  He’s been ghosting her and treating her poorly for something she can’t go back and change.  When she slept with Blaine, she didn’t know who he was.  She didn’t know the horrible things he’d done.  But Ravi was still holding it against her.  I’ll give Ravi credit for knowing it’s his own stupid macho problem and not hers.  But he handles it terribly.  Peyton was 100% in the right when she told him off in her office.

Then there’s Katty.  He’s just blurted out that he’s in love with Peyton.  But he’s pretty damn sure he’s blown that up completely.  So he accepts Katty’s offer of a hook up the very same day.  And then kisses Peyton when she shows up with Katty still in the next room.  Not good.

I saw a lot of upset in the fandom about this incident.  Much was said of it being out of character for Ravi to screw up so badly.  But the foreshadowing is all there.  The pattern of behavior is there.  I wouldn’t even call what Peyton, Ravi, and Blaine had a “love triangle”.  Ravi screwed up his chance with her.  Blaine was Peyton moving on.

Then it comes out that Blaine was lying and Peyton is now single again.  Ravi, in episode 3x9, is straight up obnoxious to her while the group is playing D&D.  He’s making her uncomfortable and he doesn’t seem to notice.

Now, let’s talk about Rachel.  Because when Ravi thinks with his penis instead of his brain he gets stupid.  He didn’t know very much about this woman, but on the off chance it’ll get him laid, he tells her all about zombies.  She turns out to be a reporter, and Liv ends up on the front page of the Alt-weekly.  He’s put himself at risk as the doctor who is working on the cure, and he’s put his very best friend at risk because she’s now Seattle’s only recognizable zombie.  Good job, there.

Which brings us to season 4.  Everyone seems to be getting along.  Our core group of Liv, Ravi, Peyton, Clive, and Major have wildly different experiences in New Seattle.  But they’re all friends.  Ravi and Peyton seem to be getting along well, even though she’s dating other people.

One day, Peyton drops by the morgue.  She’s having a rough week and she wants a win.  She needs to find this dog. (Now don’t get me started on the fact that they live in a walled city and could probably have shown a picture of the dog on the news.  It’s not like he could have gone far.)  Ravi points out that the guy she asks Liv to eat is a heroin addict.  All three of them agree this is a terrible idea.  Liv does not eat the brain.

Then Ravi realizes it’s his (zombie) time of the month.  And in his apparently never-ending quest to impress Peyton (Major even calls him on it), Ravi decides to do the stupidest possible thing.  Even he knows it’s a terrible idea.  That’s why he stopped Liv from doing it.  When it works and actually gets him the attention he wants from Peyton, no one looks more surprised than Ravi.

Well, now Ravi’s won the affection of the woman of his dreams.  Now what?  That remains to be seen.  Is he going to grow into this relationship and be the kind of partner Peyton deserves?  I don’t know.  I’m watching with interest to find out.  I’d like to see him develop a friendship with her like he has with Liv.  Something that could be a real foundation for something more.  And if that happens, I’ll root for them.  I’m already rooting for Ravi.  For his character arc and his growth.  And Peyton deserves much more than to be his learning experience.  Whether she finds that “something more” with him or in herself in her own arc remains to be seen.

Characters need flaws.  Otherwise, they’re boring and come off sanctimonious.  Ravi is an excellent character.  He balances being a compassionate, compelling man, with having flaws that stem, in part, from social awkwardness and a lack of relationship experience.  And I think, for the most part, he’s actively trying to get better. Ravi’s incredibly likable, and even loveable, both to the other characters and to the audience.  But he still has some growing up to do.