#funny beer stories

[thisdrinkinglife]

Dean Martin and Foster Brooks sketch

Foster Brooks as the Drunk Airline Pilot, Dean Martin at the bar.

[machetelanding]

[xanadaus]

i’m pretty sure i told this to you ages ago but. talia by king princess is a dellivvy song. to me

Oh yes yes yes I love talia, great rec bestie.

[rabid-dog-steve-horn]

Comedian Ginger Billy: Redneck Night Before Xmas! LOL Funny Comedy Laugh

[4giorno]

OH MY GOD THANK YOU this is finally funny "toddler stuck in the body of an adult" content and of course it happens when its just jack and CAS

[sludgeguzzler]

someones really out here lighting fireworks at 2:37am. girl what are you doing

[oh-great-authoress]

reblog w the song lyrics in your head NOW. either stuck in yr head or what yr listening to

[flowachild]

anyway I saw this man that tried to play me last year to the point that I cried and he came up to hug me while he was with his friends and I gave him the nastiest look 😭

[lilgynt]

i’ll say it baby sitting too drunk dudes is not fun hold ur liquor better

[skywalkerbootleg]

things I did for my older brother

buy him a beer (when I was 16 and he was 19, he forgot his ID, I didn't)

drive him and his friend to a party

[unsignedbooks]

De Paarse Das 

Moderne Sprookjes  Als je de hoofdweg zou nemen vanuit Aldaar – dat vlak naast Alhier ligt – en je zou ongeveer twee kilometer naar het zuiden reizen, dan zou het welhaast mogelijk zijn dat je de zandweg aan je linkerzijde ontwaart. Dit nagenoeg onbetreden pad – als je het zou betreden – leidt je naar het kleine dorpje genaamd Beestenbende. Ergens halverwege dat pad tref je dan ‘De Kat en De…

[sweaters-and-vertigo]

one time i was really stressed out and overwhelmed (customer service job) so i went to my parents house and looked for my mom, so she could give me a hug. i started freaking out because i couldn’t find her so i called her and screamed “I NEED A HUG!!!” into the phone

she told me she was at her friends house and said i could come hang out with everyone. since there would be lots of food and alcohol there, i decided to go. but i ended up walking into the wrong house. it was full of people i didn’t know and they all started staring at me when i walked in. at this point, my panic attack was over and i was just totally zombiefied. i said “where is sarah wilson’s house” and they all pointed across the street. then i grabbed a can of beer, flashed a peace sign, and walked out.

[beerwfriendspod]

Season 2 Episode 6 We’re back to share more craft beer with friends and chat about all the fun adventures happening in life and beyond. This time you can join us on video with amazingly dope guests sharing all of life and it’s journeys from Business to Entertainment to Family Fun… Dope!!! Today Jai and Geoff welcome two incredibly talented and hilarious stand up comedians who happen to be the co-owners for Los Angeles' premier podcast studio, Third Wheel Podcast Studio: Nolan Culver and Mike Masilotti. This nonstop funny conversation over beers digs deep into Mike and Nolan's upbringings as friends in stand up and how the idea of starting a podcast studio was formed in Mike's apartment. They break down the risks, learning from their mistakes, sustaining an independent business and staying true to themselves as touring comedians. This season of "Beer with Friends" would not be possible without Mike and Nolan's brilliant decision in hiring Geoff as the Studio Manager, Producer, and Audio Engineer for the Hollywood and West LA locations and learning the podcasting world. Beers on Deck: Hopworks Brewing Company's Winter Ale and Cali Squeeze's Lemon Hefe Chill by Firestone Walker Come join us and comment, ask questions and tell us what your thoughts are on Beer With Friends! For more BEER STUFF, visit: http://www.BeerRunTheShow.com SUBSCRIBE for more of all the LATEST Beer with Friends Videos here: https://tinyurl.com/yn2tu5r9 Follow US on Instagram: @BeerFriendsPod Jai Pellerin - @JaiTheBeerGuy Geoff McGee - @Film_McGeezax Nolan Culver - @nolanculver Mike Masilotti - @MikeMasilotti Third Wheel Podcast Studio - @ThirdWheelPodcastStudio Shot on location at Third Wheel Podcast Studio, Hollywood, CA Producers: Geoff McGee and Jai Pellerin Engineer: Geoff McGee Editor: Geoff McGee

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙one of the girls | DR3 ˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: daniel ricciardo x northern english!reader y/n (she/her)

genre: social media au

warnings: none just fluff, pretty short too

summary: in which your new boyfriend is adopted into your friendship group as if he was one of the girls

a/n: this is saur funnie to me & lbr it's me & my bffs only wish in life to go for pints with daniel & this request inspired me af

request!!!: hiiiii can i pls req daniel ricciardo x northern english!reader pleaseeeee kiss kiss kiss

my masterlist

fc: various brunette girls from pinterest

messages ->

instagram ->

yourusername posted a story

liked by danielricciardo, yourbff, and others

yourbff pints

friend1 pints

friend2 pints

danielricciardo pints?

yourusername YES PINTS

user1 PINTS!!!

user2 lol i love u y/n

user3 pints pints pints

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, yourbff, and others

yourusername self explanatory really

view all comments

user4 funniest wag tbh

user5 i wish i could go on a night out with them omg

user6 same omg my dream

maxverstappen1 i wasnt invited?

yourusername are you one of the girls, max?

maxverstappen1 im a man?

yourusername see there's ur first problem

user7 LOL he absolutely has no idea what she's on about whatsoever

user8 daniel dating a british girl is my fav thing ever

user9 literally especially a northern girl and not jus a rich girl from london 😭😭

user10 fr im obsessed with her she dgaf

user11 she is so jarring

user12 u jus dont get her tbh

danielricciardo woo hoo

yourusername lol i am obsessed with you.

user13 HAHAHA what? she's so me

yourbff BEER CIRCLE BEER CIRCLE

friend2 it's a heart ❤️!

danielricciardo beer heart. where have you been y/bff/n

yourbff sorry i was busy drinking the beer not analysing what shape it was in.

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourbff

liked by yourusername, friend1, and others

yourbff beach day with the girls!!! and daniel

view all comments

user21 and daniel omg HAHA

user22 he's actually one of the girls omg i thought it was a joke...

landonorris my invite got lost?

yourusername YOU DONT DESERVE ONE

landonorris oh.

yourbff hahahahaha

danielricciardo sorry lando 🤐

user23 y/n & her one sided beef w lando is all of us

liked by yourbff

user24 oh to be in this friend group

user25 not the weirdest f1 related friend group

yourusername love my girls!!! and my daniel

liked by yourbff, danielricciardo

friend2 hahahah we love him too! thts our girl

friend1 FR!!!!! one of us one of us

danielricciardo omg i've never felt so welcome in my life... #newhome

yourbff honorary brit 🇬🇧

yourusername 🥹🥹🥹

messages ->

instagram ->

danielricciardo posted a story

liked by maxverstappen1, yourbff, and others

user26 the giiiirls

user27 you & the girls again!

maxverstappen1 miss you babe

danielricciardo 😂 see you in aus soon i hope

landonorris are any of them single 👀

danielricciardo not for you, no

landonorris boo 👎

user28 such a cute lil family

user29 cant tell if im more jealous of daniel, y/n, or her friends

yourusername posted a story

liked by danielricciardo, landonorris, and others

user30 stop it

user31 #1 wag forever and ever

user32 THIS IS TOO CUTE FOR A RANDOM THURSDAY MORNING

maxverstappen1 😍😍😍

liked by yourusername

user33 FREE USSS

user34 jealous

yourbff pints pints pints tonight?

yourusername obviously

twitter ->

instagram ->

danielricciardo

liked by yourusername, lewishamilton, and others

danielricciardo my home 🇦🇺 away from home 🇬🇧

view all comments

user40 no beers in the photo dump 😮

user41 let me guess ur on photographer duty

liked by danielricciardo

user42 the third pic ahhhh so cute

user43 oh to be ✨ them ✨

friend2 our fav aussie always!!!

danielricciardo im honoured truly

friend1 we never wanna leave

yourbff let's all live here woohoo

danielricciardo true. im down

yourusername YIPPPEEE

user44 ugh me when

landonorris i can make the next trip :)

danielricciardo oh where you going?

yourusername & who with? coz i know it isnt us

landonorris ...worth a try i guess

yourusername I LOVE YOU!!!

danielricciardo i love you my sweet girl

THE END 💙

[pinesorneedles]

buffy is literally the show ever it has schlocky horror and funny looking puppets and the main character is failing out of school and the use of metaphor is so strong in a way that's genuinely nuanced and complex and you can think about different elements of major story points or individual episodes and pick them apart forever and our main girl fucks a house down and there's also an episode where beer turns people into cavemen

[veltana]

Breaking point

�� Pairing: Roommate!Bucky Barnes/Fem!Reader

✦ Word count: ~2,5k

✦ Rating: Explicit

✦ Warnings/tags: Dub-con (proceed with caution if this might trigger you), pwp, smut and a bit of fluff at the end, possessive/protective!bucky, degredation (slut, fuck doll, cum-bucket), grinding, choking, spitting, pussy slapping, fingering, unprotected sex, breeding kink, creampie, pet name (sweetheart).

✦ Summary: Bucky is done with you going out with losers.

✦ Note: This used to be called I will kill them if they touch you but I never liked that title so I renamed it! Also, you guys didn't know what you were voting for, but it was the banner for this story! Please reblog and comment! Asks are always welcome 💚

Masterlist | AO3

"Please don't scare this one away as you did last time," you beg and look at Bucky's reflection in the bathroom mirror. He makes a face where he's leaning against the door frame behind you and then sighs when you give him a look. "He wasn't worth shit if he didn't wanna fight for you," he points out.

Now it's your turn to sigh and you cross your arms, glaring at him. "He isn't supposed to fight for me on a first date. We're supposed to have a good time and hopefully fuck." Bucky's mouth hardens, and he looks away. He doesn’t like that, at all.

Ever since you became roommates he's been very protective of you, helping you with the smallest things, driving you everywhere you need to go, even if you can drive yourself. Sometimes it's overbearing but most of the time it's nice to have someone care for you like that.

Unfortunately, recently he's picked up a habit of intimidating the people you go on dates with. He stands behind you when they come to pick you up, and his large frame and cold stare make many of them cower. A few have turned around right away, others have asked if that's your boyfriend or something, thinking it was some type of open relationship/cuckold situation.

"Don't say shit like that," Bucky says through gritted teeth. "I don't wanna think about you fucking other people." You can't help the teasing smile that cracks your face. "Makes you jealous?" With a huff, Bucky pushes off and leaves you to continue.

Two hours later your makeup is done and your hair fixed to perfection. You sit on the couch in shorts and a t-shirt, with a glass of wine, waiting until the last minute to put on the skin-tight dress. While scrolling on your phone, Bucky sits beside you with a beer. "So where's the loser taking you?" "Don't care,” you shrug. “Honestly, my priority tonight is to get laid. The previous ones were a little too… bland. But he seems promising." "What do you mean, bland?"

Putting your phone down you look at him, "You don't wanna hear this anyway, you'll just get mad," you point out. "I don't get mad," he defends. "Pfff, you're such a liar, I can see it in your eyes whenever I mention another guy." "Because you deserve the best and all I've seen is trash."

Irritated, you put your glass down too. "Why don't you pick for me then? Who would James Bucky Barnes deem worthy of fucking me?"

The grip on his beer is so hard his knuckles whiten and his lips are a thin line. When he doesn't answer you lean back and start to count people off.

"Well, Steve seems a bit too sweet for my taste but I mean I would not mind trying a slice of that all-American beefcake," you muse. "Sam is so charming and funny! That quick tongue would probably work wonders, if you know what I mean," you wink and watch as Bucky's eye twitch, his jaw clenched hard.

"Tony," you continue. "Well, he seems a little self-absorbed but maybe he's a really selfless lover. Won't hurt to check!" "Loki is so handsome," you bite your lip. "I would surrender my body to him in a heartbeat! But I've heard that he leaves people high and dry and that would be awful."

Tilting your head, you say, "Do you think Thor and Jane would be up for a threesome? I can just imagine eating her out while he fucks me from behind and then we could-"

With a slam he puts the bottle on the table and grabs your face with his hand forcefully, silencing your tirade of words and squeezing your cheeks so that your lips pucker.

The grip is close to bruising and it's an instant pull in your lower stomach. His eyes are black with anger, something you've never seen directed at you before. "No one," he hisses. "Not one of them is fucking you, I will kill them if they touch you."

His hand releases you and grabs your neck instead. You're shocked, and instantly so horny it hurts. Opening your mouth to speak he squeezes harder, making a wheezing sound come out.

"I'll give you a chance to stop this. Tell me right now you don't want this and we'll act as if nothing happened. Otherwise, I'm fucking you into this couch until you can't remember your goddamn name." When he finishes his grip lightens. The rush of blood makes you euphoric and boneless. You want to give yourself to him, let him do whatever he wants. "Fuck me," you whisper.

The kiss is more teeth than lips and the hold around your throat hardens again. You try to keep up with him but it's impossible as he pushes his tongue into your mouth, claiming every inch, making you lightheaded with the lack of oxygen. You gasp for air as he pulls away, releasing you. His gaze is brimming with lust and want now, all signs of anger gone. Then he pushes you down onto the couch.

"You're a kinky little slut, aren't you sweetheart?" he mocks and leans in over you, spreading your legs with his. All you can do is nod and try to wiggle close so you can press your center against his clothed cock. It's clearly outlined in his sweatpants and you hope it's as big as it seems. "If I put my hand down your pants, are you gonna be wet for me?" "Yes Bucky," you whine.

The throbbing is almost unbearable and his smirk is downright sinful. "Come on, rub yourself on me, show me how much you want it." With another whine, you brace yourself against the couch and lift your hips. He doesn't move a muscle to help as you struggle to find the right position.

"That's disappointing," Bucky smacks his lips and frowns. "Thought you wanted this." "I do Bucky, I do, please I'm trying," you tell him desperately. With effort, you get into a good enough position to grind your cunt on his cock through the layers of clothing. It's not nearly enough to curb the ache.

"Useless," Bucky sighs and grabs your legs. "Do I have to do everything?" He pushes your knees up towards your chest, folding you in half and pushing his cock right into your core.

"Sorry," you moan. His mean words have only made you needier and you move yourself against him with abandon. Bucky is motionless above you, not making a sound or saying a word, just staring at you chasing your high. Your movements turn unsteady when you start to come close.

If you were of sound mind you would notice the glint in his eyes but instead, you’re barreling towards your climax. Until he suddenly moves away.

Gawking you stare at him and he just smiles wickedly in return. "Take off your clothes, spread your legs" he instructs and you quickly pull your pants off and discard your t-shirt and underwear, spreading your legs as best you can on the couch. Bucky takes in your bare body, moving his hands slowly down your thighs until his palms frame your pussy.

"Fucking shaved for him too,” he notes with a snarl. You're not sure why that upset him. "Sorry!" you say, just to be safe.

"I don't need your hair curled, your make-up done or your whole body shaved. I will fuck you anyway, sweetheart, no matter what you look like because you belong to me," he growls before he spits on your cunt, sending a rush through you, making you moan and spread your legs even more.

For the first time, he touches you properly, letting his fingers spread the spit all over your pussy before shoving two of them into your soaked core. He pistons them in and out, putting his thumb against your clit and making colors burst before you.

"You want to come on my fingers, you fucking slut?" When you nod frantically he instructs, "Open your mouth, stick out your tongue." A second after you do spit lands on your tongue and droplets on your face. It nearly tips you over.

"Swallow it," he orders and watches you as you do, some form of approval shining in his eyes for the first time. "Who do you belong to?"

The question is too complicated to understand, you can't focus on what he wants. "I don't…" is all that comes out.

"Wrong answer," he says and removes his fingers, making you shout in disappointment. Sharp slaps land on your wet cunt and you instinctively try to move away from it, but he grabs your legs, pulling you back. "Don't you fucking run from me."

"I'm sorry," you cry, looking pleadingly at him. "I'm- I'm yours James, yours to do what you want with. Please, please, please let me come!"

With a huff he pushes his fingers back in, pressing the tips into your g-spot and getting his thumb back on your clit. His unbothered state makes you feel so small and insignificant, heightening the pleasure coursing through you.

As it climbs, your body shakes, your legs trembling from being held open. "I'm- I'm- don't stop!" you beg. Closing your eyes you focus on the feeling of him, his other hand still gripping your thigh hard. You hope it bruises.

"I can feel you, slut!" Bucky's voice is the cherry on top of everything. "Come on my fingers, do it, come for me!" he commands and of course, you do as he wants. With a scream you convulse, almost pushing him out with the sensation flooding you. Bucky is talking above you but you're not sure what he's saying because all you can hear is the blood rushing in your ears.

A hard tap against your cheek makes you open your eyes. "Don't pass out on me, I'm not done with you yet." "Wouldn't dream of it," you smile dumbly, and it earns you a smile in return. But it quickly passes as he pulls off his tank top and pushes down his pants. The cock is just as big as you hoped.

He rubs the head against your soaked center, sending overwhelming sparks through you, making you twitch. When he notches the head of his dick at your opening your blood freezes. "C-condom?" you stutter.

Cocking his head he asks. "Do you really want that? Doesn't a slut like you want to be filled up with cum?" "Y-yes, but, Bucky…" you gnaw your lip.

"I want to fuck my little cum-bucket raw, make sure you feel me running out of you for days," he gives a light thrust, almost pushing inside, giving you a taste of heaven. For a second you look at each other and Bucky presses in just a little bit more. It decides it for you. "Please fill me with your cum Bucky, I need it so bad!" you whine and he chuckles before shoving his fat cock into you without mercy.

Quickly you wrap your legs around his hips, meeting his hard thrusts that are sending your body into overdrive. "Feel so fucking good sweetheart, your cunt was made for me, wasn't it?" he groans. "Yes it was," you answer breathlessly.

He grabs your face. "Those other losers are never going to satisfy you." "No, Bucky, only you!" "That's right, you're my fuckdoll now, sweetheart," he says before he leans down to kiss you. It's much sweeter this time and you grab his head, carding your fingers through his hair, feeling your chest fill with another type of warmth.

When he pulls back he says, "Beg me not to come in you." Your cunt clenches and your second orgasm is suddenly a lot closer. "Bucky, please don't… I can't get pregnant," you make your voice small and frail.

In response his laugh is cruel. "Yes you will, your purpose in life is to be bred. I'm going to cum in you every day til it sticks and then everyone will know who you belong to." "Please, pull out," you beg and reach down to rub your clit, feeling the climax shimmering underneath your skin.

"Such a bad liar, sweetheart," he chuckles. "Are you going to come on my cock? Are you gonna claim me just as I claim you?" "Yes! I just need- harder!" you pant. "Fucking hell," Bucky grunts and does as you demand.

The climax rips through you with little regard for your sanity. The sound leaving your throat makes it raw and a second later Bucky moans your name loud enough for the neighbors to hear. It's almost good enough to feel him finish inside you that you come again, but you’re too spent to do more than shudder.

Then he kisses you again, sweetly, caringly, and pushes his arms in under your body to hug you close to him. "So perfect," he whispers against your mouth. The cums start to trickle out onto the couch but neither of you care, too caught up in each other's lips.

"How are you doing sweetheart?" he asks when he comes up for a breath. "I feel a little high," you confess. "Haven't been fucked that good in a long time."

There is something in his gaze that shifts and he leans his forehead against yours. "I'm sorry. I just… I couldn't take it anymore… I like you so much." "Lucky for you I get off on that stuff," you smile. "And if I had said stop I trust you would have."

He hugs you so hard you can hardly breathe. "Of course, I fucking would." "You can make it up to me by going tender the next time," you smile. "Next time?" "As many times as you’ll have me." He laughs into your skin. "I don't think you're ready for that!"

Suddenly the sound of the doorbell jerks the two of you apart. You stare at Bucky with wide eyes. "My date," you whisper, horrified.

With a smirk, he raises himself on his arms. "I should make you go on that date with my cum running out of you, maybe even let him get as far as spreading your legs just to see that you’re already claimed."

With a groan, you cover your face with your hands. "Don't tempt me," you tell him before wiggling out from under him, finding your clothes, and hastily pulling them on.

Opening the door just a crack, you understand you look a mess by the way your date eyes you. "Sorry," your voice is small. "I wasn't feeling great and then I fell asleep on the couch." "Yeah, you look terrible," the guy notes before handing you one of the ugliest bouquets you've ever seen. Quickly stepping away he says, "I'll call you." but you know he won't. "Great, I'll see you around," you respond before closing the door.

Bucky takes the flowers from you and shoves them in the trash before grabbing you around the waist and kissing you again. "Didn't you say he was promising?" "I have no clue what you're talking about," you answer with a completely straight face but then start to giggle as he swoops you up and carries you to his bedroom.