#fun horror element: straight up gone

[lesbiansanemi]

Damn I miss the high of the first half of jjk

[north-noire]

I just had an urge to make my own designs/redesigns on TSE charlie and henry (ofc it's them), so feel free to read my notes/general character designs I had about them! (a little messy, but whatever)

also thought that drawing them with my designs from Hidden Hands AU would be a fun little compare and contrast!! (as my FNAF AU is more game-universe adjacent but still have a few of the novel elements such as Aunt Jen = Jennifer Emily, etc. Tbh I generally treat the FNAF novels and games as NOT the same universes at all, they're completely separate universes in my mind, I feel like it makes the fandom's interpretations a lot more creative/interesting in my opinion since there's really "no canon" universe, I mean we have THREE canons to work with now come on xD)

TSE Character Design notes and my own ramblings below the cut! I mostly just relied on the book descriptions of them and nothing much else other than my own inspiration gathering from 2000s fashion/horror games/media.

TSE charlie character design notes: in the novels' description, TSE charlie had frizzy hair and it was light brown. I found it strange that the graphic novel design overlooked that, so I had to add that in (nothing wrong with charlie's design, I actually quite like TFC Charlie). anyway, my TSE charlie design wears a patchwork denim because I thought it'd give her a little bit more character (and I like the symbolism of patchwork for her - being a person that Henry stitched up together with memories, etc etc. Although I don't like the TSE Charlie = robot twist, it just kinda grew on me) I also wanted her to have a 2000s horror protagonist vibe - although most of the characters I looked at for reference/inspiration had short skirts, so I did a "skirt-like" vibe with her tying TSE henry's flannel to her waist. I like the idea that she kept something of a memento from her father's stuff with her :]

TSE henry notes: his pants are pajamas. man is the ABSOLUTE face of depression. also wanted him to have not seen better days and really look like he's just wallowing in his basement with greying hairs and wrinkles and eyebags and definitely hasn't gone out in weeks, probably a month or so. also thought that glasses would suit him nicely - and I thought him having a long-sleeved flannel and his fit makes him look pretty much from the 2000s/Y2K era. Personally I feel like TSE Henry looked too plain and a problem I had that I had while reading the graphic novel is that they tended to make William and Henry look similar (I straight up thought that one William scene with Elizabeth's memory was Henry. That's how ungodly confused I was) which made it really look uninteresting to me, so I tried my best to make his design describe him a little better.

If you've read this far, thanks so much for reading this! It's just a little fun character design exercise I did and it was really fun having some creative freedom with these two characters!

[swamp-spirit]

Gritty Danny Phantom Netflix Reboot

It's inevitable. Here's my pitch.

So obviously the title is ‘Phantom’. It’s reboot inevitably that it’s gonna be the edgy, one word version of the original title.

For tone, leaning a bit into the dark/horror elements and getting a bit worldbuilding heavy, but also trying to keep a fun action feel that’s not too scared to be silly. Obviously, with me writing, being ‘half-ghost’ is a lot about being a community outsider and a lot about going through something traumatic and feeling like the you from before is gone.

Characters:

Danny Fenton

In the main show, he’s a bit of an ‘everyman’, so I want to get a little more specific with him,

He’s supposed to be a huge nerd, but he doesn’t act that nerdy. He’s pretty confident and straight laced.

I like the idea of Danny as a character who, especially growing up with Jazz and his parents fighting, wants to keep everyone happy, even when it isn’t practical. He focuses on trying to get people to get along and not taking sides, even when it’s a bad idea. He often ends up trying to make peace between Tucker and Sam and pulling the ‘both sides have points’, even when one of them is clearly wrong. He goes along with his parent’s ghost hunting while not believing in it, and tries to convince Jazz to ‘be reasonable’.

In Phantom form, his actual opinions start to surface. He’s frustrated that people can’t just be nice, and frustrated at feeling like he’s always cleaning up other people’s messes. He’s free to be opinionated, aggressive, and take action for what he believes. On the flipside, Phantom is prone to making irrational, emotional decisions and following poor priorities.

Besides being caught between two emotional extremes, he’s physically and metaphysically ‘caught between’ living and dead. His ghost form feels unstable and insubstantial, but, in his human form, Danny is hyperconscious of his own death. His heartbeat and pulse feel wrong‘.

Sam Manson

So I think the trick with Sam is every CW/Netflix teen show’s attempts to write very political characters, especially women, is… very bad. Very surface and ham-fisted. First, instead of updating Mall-Goth to E-Girl, go for a crunchy goth/punk/grunge look, especially for a rebelling rich kid. Shoes held together with duct-tape, big jackets she wrote on in sharpie, but keep the stompy boots.

Avoid the whole ‘haha she’s going too far’ and vegetarian jokes, and give her some specific local politics to be involved in (that can help inform later plots). 

As an ‘outsider’ teen activist, she probably doesn’t have many people her own age who don’t see her as weird and pushy, so maybe has an older group of acquaintances. Teen goth with phone contacts full of old activist ladies maybe? 

She has a very strong moral compass, but is insecure about her own wealth and privilege and compensated by being a bit blind on certain issues. She can also be unempathetic to people’s personal circumstances.

Tucker Foley

The teen Cassanova bit gets a bit cringy, so first I want to change this from ‘hanging outside the girl’s locker room’ cringe to ‘oh no, this 14 year old just read a wiki-how article on how to be confident’ cringe. He’s sincere and good hearted, but much more of a teen boy trying to be cool and it just highlighting his insecurity. As the show goes on, he becomes more confident as a Teen Hero and stops trying to impress assholes.

He’s a tech nerd from a middle class family, so is an expert at working with the supplies he can get. He is also prone to going to ‘hang out with Danny’ and then ditching Danny and Sam to obsess over Maddie Fenton’s latest tech. All attempts to be cool are lost in the face of Neat Electronics.

Jazz Fenton

Pretty much the same situation as canon. Her parents are immature, so she’s decided she’s Danny’s parent, but she’s also a teenager herself and not as mature as she’s decided she is. She barges in to fix problems when it’s not helpful/wanted, but she is also the only reason Danny lived to age fourteen.

Maddie and Jack Fenton

Mostly the same as canon. They do everything 100%, and don’t always notice the world around them. Jack is pure enthusiasm, and tries hard to connect with his kids while utterly failing to notice that they have their own interests and lives. Maddie is a little more perceptive, but easily distracted by her passions.

The family has a decent fortune on a previous Fenton Thermos prototype getting sold as the next Hydroflask. It’s a super trendy, high-class thermos, and Jack and Maddie are endlessly frustrated that their money comes from their world-saving ghost capture device being used as an actual soup thermos. It also means there’s a handy yet unreliable ghost thermos around whenever the story needs it.

Vlad Masters

A lot of Vlad’s goals stay the same, but a slightly more serious tone means he needs to be a bit… less stupid. He’s just as manipulative and self-centered, but he’s a bit better at putting on a polite face to get what he wants.

His ghost form gives him powers, but, like Phantom, it’s much more emotionally volatile. Vlad will often carefully set the stage, only for Plasmius to ruin it all for a chance to get one over on Jack or impress Maddie. If Vlad is trying to convince Danny to work with him, Plasmius will lose his temper. If Vlad is trying to attack, Plasmius will fall to base emotional manipulation.

Valerie Grey

Like Jazz, I pretty much like what she’s already got going on. Get pissed, join the villain, become a reluctant ally as a super and a protective GF in normal life.

Some Major Shifts:

-Tucker and Sam are not initially aware of Danny’s death and find out mid-way through Season 1

-When the story begins, Vlad and Jack are already ‘reconciling’, and Vlad is present around the Fenton house

-The sci-fi elements of the world belong purely to the human realm. The ghost realm is dreamlike and magical, while things like portals and shields are human ways of interfering with the metaphorical and metaphysical.

-Speaking of which, Danny is less ‘gene-spliced half creature’ and more ‘dead ghost possessing his own living body’

-Danny takes longer to become a known presence, managing to keep hidden for most of the first season, then going from ‘legend’ to ‘oddity’ to ‘yeah, the ghost hero, we all know him’

Ghost Powers:Keeping some Phandom lore here. Since it’s not a kid’s show, most ghosts can be actually dead people with regrets. Also keeping ghost cores and Obsessions because it gives an excuse for weird, campy undead on wild missions. (cores - a ghost’s center organ, and also sorta their soul, Obsession - the tendency of ghosts to become wholly focused on their passions or regrets to the point or irrationality)

For Danny specifically, I’m switching from Magical Transformation to Astral Projection. Part of this is for tone shift reasons, but it also adds a few narrative levers. There’s a ticker timer for Phantom to return to his body as Danny could perma die and leave Phantom stuck as a ghost. It also leaves Danny’s body open to possession while his ghost is away. (On the helpful end, it means his body can rest while Phantom does the teen superhero thing)

Phantom is naturally invisible and intangible, but becoming tangible forces him to become visible and neither is easy.

In human form, Danny retains access to extra strength and healing and, eventually, his ice powers, but lacks most of his more ghostly abilities.

Other Worldbuilding Things

The Ghost Zone serves two functions. First, it makes a cushioned pocket between life and death so the realms don’t damage each other. Second, it gives a place for those not ready to move on to dispel regrets. It’s intentionally separate from the human realm because watching the living world tends not to dispel regrets. Concepts from the human world tend to ‘echo’ there, and there’s a second society that some ghosts choose not to leave, sustaining a second life in the Ghost Zone. Most of the non-dead entities (like Clockwork) that live there exist to protect the Zone and keep it stable and functional.

Besides moving on, the way to escape the Ghost Zone is ripping through the border. It takes incredible will, so is usually only doable with a very meaningful ‘unfinished business’. It also does extreme damage to the spirit, leaving them weakened and confused. Entities in the ghost zone also work hard to prevent this as weakening the borders could lead to the collapse of the entire Zone.

The Fenton Portal created a weakened spot between the Zone and the living world and Danny ripping through it turned the weak spot into a permanent gap. Ghosts can cross full without damage and at full power, even if their goals in the human realm are mundane. It’s the gap in the fence all the local teens know, and it can’t be patched.

Stylistic

This will get me eaten alive, but I like switching the jumpsuit for pajamas so the ghost form has kinda loose, simple clothes.

Overall, the show brings big budgeting issues. I like the idea of using underwater footage to get ghost movement and get that floaty look. The ghost zone in general, use everyday sets, but with a strong purple light and a teal kick light. Using sets from other things and taking advantage of the nature of sets to wander between locations in ways that don’t make sense is a plus, but shoots could be at night pretty much anywhere.

I also suggest using different locations for the same location, for example, shooting a scene at a ghost zone diner at various diners, even mid scene.

Romance Thoughts:

It’s the CW reboot. There’s got to be romance, but I’d prefer to keep it on the back-burner. 

Personally, I think Danny/Val has that good ‘conflicting identities’ thing, and it’s a romance arc that isn’t obvious from page 1, which I like. Before that, I think Danny should have at least one tragic romance with a ghost.

Lesbian Sam feels stereotypically predictable, but I also enjoy the idea of shipteasing Danny/Sam before it’s revealed that Sam having a ‘crush’ on Danny has been a long series of misunderstandings as she attempts to hide her huge crush on Jazz. 

Tucker gets an internet girlfriend who nobody believes is real for a solid season. They met getting into petty forum wars over an MMO they both play. Once he has a girlfriend, he switches from Casanova to just constantly bringing up his Girlfriend, Who is Real and Hot and Plays Video Games.

Episode 1: Origin Story

Episode opens with Danny clearly stretched too thin. Sam has managed to force Tucker hiking and wants Danny there too, Tucker wants him there for emotional support, and Jazz thinks Danny should stay home and work on homework. Danny has promised his parents he’ll join them on a ghost hunt. Sam, Tucker, and Jazz all point out that Danny doesn’t even believe in ghosts and he always lets himself get dragged into this stuff, while Danny insists this hunt is extra important to their parents.

It’s revealed that the reason for this importance is the Fenton parents reconnecting and reconciling with their college friend Vlad. Vlad is polite, but keeps subtly avoiding saying anything nice about Jack while paying attention to Maddie. (“It’s wonderful to see you again” vs “It’s been a while”) He brings gifts for the kids and asks about their lives.

Jazz is immediately taken with Vlad. He talks about her school life and seems polite and educated, an example of an adult who can handle himself. Danny is a bit more hesitant, pointing out that he doesn’t seem that happy to see Jack.

The Fentons excitedly show Vlad the new portal. Vlad makes an excuse to get everyone out of the room. Afterwards, he excitedly asks Jack to demonstrate the portal. (A later episode confirms he intentionally sabotaged the portal for revenge, but him getting people out of the room should be as plausible as possible so viewers can feel proud for putting it together). Before they can show Vlad, Jack rushes them out on a ghost hunt. He says the portal takes time to warm up

It’s a long, boring car ride. During the ghost hunt, there does seem to be an actual ghost. Danny keeps seeing glimpses of the haunting and is getting genuinely scared. The adult Fentons, meanwhile, are excitedly chasing various non-paranormal occurrences, certain it’s ghostly activity.

They come home late and Maddie insists the portal be left until morning so they can eat and get some rest. Danny decides to get online with friends instead. He realizes the computer won’t work because the portal’s on and tells his friends he’s going to go shut it down while he plays, then sneak down to boot it back up.

We see the ghost from earlier watching and static building on the portal. He reaches out to touch it and the scene becomes surreal. We hear Danny’s heart racing. Danny collapses and, at the same time, is pulled across the portal.

In the final shot, we hear dead silence, no heart beating, and Danny lying lifelessly on the floor. The camera pulls out and his ghost form floats on the other side of the portal, away from the body. He looks confused and frightened and, as the show ends, he’s pounding on the door.

Episode 2: The World Without You

Danny pounds on the wall between him and his body, panicking, and is pulled away by a female ghost (later revealed to be Ember). He’s angry with her, but she points to the guards coming to see what the disruption was about. She tells him he’d never make it through anyway, because he’s not angry enough.

She tells him that she’d never cross over herself, preferring to avoid the madness that comes with breaking through to the human realm, but his case is different. His body is still alive, and, if he returns, he could live again. She asks him what he’d regret if he died now, and Danny talks about his dreams to go to space. It’s not enough, so she attempts to get him angry, but it’s not working. He’s just sad and scared. Finally, she seems to have an idea.

They enter a ghost town and she walks him to an old-style theatre. There is only one movie showing, “The World Without You”. The ghost tells Danny everyone comes here at least once, even though it’s not anything good, but it might help him. She hands Danny his ticket and goes to wait outside. Danny sits down to watch the screen.

We cut to Sam and Tucker. Sam’s trying to text Danny to see what’s taking him so long and Tucker says he’s probably asleep. After an hour, Sam starts to panic, but Tucker points out he had a long day and keeps insisting fell asleep.

Jazz comes down in the morning and finds Danny dead beside the portal. She goes into fix-it mode, refusing to admit he’s dead. Maddie tries to force Jazz away and let the EMTs do their work, Jack looks confused and frightened, and Vlad looks shocked and a bit ill.

The scenes get faster and we see Danny’s community fall apart. Sam blames Tucker for saying it was fine, Tucker points out his death was instant and is sick of taking the blame. Sam runs away and Tucker loses energy for his passions. Jazz is furious with her parents, saying their obsession killed her little brother. Jack becomes obsessed with trying to contact his dead son, leaving Maddie alone to deal with the reality of death.

We cut back to the theatre. Danny sits in an audience of ghosts. All, including Danniy, are crying glowing green ectoplasm. He rushes out and towards the portal. He thanks his guide, and she smiles and tell him to ‘remember he owes her’

The same guards arrive, forcing Danny to fight his way past them. He makes it to the border between realms. Ripping back to reality seems even more violent than the fight, an act of rage against the unfairness of death. He goes to his body and attempts to line himself up with it, muttering hopefully.

There’s a pause and then we hear a strange, sludgy noise that isn’t quite a heartbeat. It speeds up, sounding more like a heart and more like static, building to a frantic roll, then stops again. There’s a single beat, then another, until there’s a strangely slow and shallow, but constant, heartbeat.

Danny’s eyes open with a gasp and glowing green fades to blue.

[ladyevol]

The Shadow of the Moon pt.1

[This takes place in my Witchtrials Au's version of season 8, and this part follows Scar with mentions of Boatem, Cleo, Bdubs, and Etho. TW: Angst, Horror elements]

Another accident and another death. Why did this keep happening to him?

Ever since he was a child, Scar had always been unlucky. The earliest memory that he could remember was of getting hit by lightning as a toddler, which led to the scar on his face and down his chest and arm. His mother was gone for the day and left Scar with Bdubs and Etho. Normally, Bdubs was an exquisite babysitter, until Etho came around. When the man was around, he became a complete yes man, following him around like the moth goes to the flame. Needless to say, things didn't end up well.

Years later, Scar was first hired as a builder and his luck only got worse. Almost as if the universe itself knew that if he were to perish while working he would just be brought back thanks to the angel's magic, his accidents went from dangerous to straight up deadly. It even became a running joke among the other builders, mister diesalot some would even call them. Worse yet, his friends had started killing as well to the point where he had become the biggest target on the island. Sure, at least the other builders kept his things safe, but it was still incredibly frustrating and painful. It hurt so much every time.

With an irritated groan, the man sat up and rubbed his face while laying facing the man. All of his equipment was gone along with the materials he had spent days gathering. All that he had were his clothes because he always kept spares in the chest next to the boatem respawn rune. Sure, Scar knew that he was a rather distracted man, but this was too much. He swore that he didn't die so much on purpose like Grian had assumed. Accidents just seemed to follow him.

After making sure that he was clothed and his prosthetic leg was in the right place, Scar stood up and walked to the bottomless hole in the heart of the town in the hopes that something had survived. The night made it harder to see into the darkness, making Scar's hopes even slimmer. "Man, not again. It is the sixth time this month! There is no way that Mumbo and Impulse will let me borrow their iron again." He sat down at the edge of the hole and stared into its depths, looking for answers rather than his resources. "Why am I like this, Boatem Hole? Maybe Grian is right. Maybe I do have a problem. Should I see a doctor? What type of doctor could even help me? My angels, I'm talking to a hole now. I have officially lost my mind." He snickered and shook his head before looking up at the moon. At least it shined beautifully tonight.

"Your problem is that you lack control."

Scar froze and slowly moved his face to look at the hole again. "W-what? I- I was joking, I- did I actually lose it?!"

"How can you lose something that you never found?"

"Hey! I like to think that I'm a pretty sane person!"

"I'm talking about control. Poor little witch, so powerful, and yet, you have no idea of the power you have."

"Mom always said that I am pretty strong," he hugged himself, "but I'm far from a full-fledged witch. I don't even know what my aspect is. All I can do is use some of my mother's powers."

The voice from the void laughed. "She fears you, Scar. All of them do. The angels, the watchers. All of them are scared of what I can do. What you can become."

"But- why? I don't want to hurt anyone!"

"Don't you?"

Scar noticed something brushing against his back and turned to see a bow on the dirt. His bow. He was certain that wasn't a moment prior. "I- those were pranks! It was just me messing around! I knew my friends would come back!"

"That doesn't mean that they didn't feel pain though, did it? You didn't care if they got hurt as long as you got your fun, as long as you caused chaos."

Scar scoffed, "I'm pretty sure that is more of Grian's thing." He began standing up, with his bow and came in hands. "I'm going home."

"You can do that, but if you do, that won't stop you from dying again and again. You will just keep getting hurt. They will keep hurting you."

Scar stopped, "what are you on about?"

"It is true that you are accident prone, but how many times have your so-called friends killed you? Pushed you into this very pit that you now refuse to listen to." Scar didn't respond, he just looked to the side. "They don't care about you, Scar. They see you as a joke. Poor little clumsy Scar, the biggest punching bag in all of Hermitcraftia."

Scar took a deep breath, "I- I suppose that if I became a full witch, I wouldn't die as much and I could use it to help everyone too, as long as the angels didn't find out. They wouldn't get it. They don't understand that not all witches are evil. I'm not evil and neither is my family." He paused, "can you help me become a witch? You don't seem afraid of me, despite knowing what I am.

"I can. I can even show you how to show the angels that not all witches are bad. We will turn their world upside down. "

"Ok, I'm listening. How do I learn to control my power?"

"You just have to come closer."

Warily, the man stepped towards the hole.

"Closer." Once again, he walked to the edge.

"Just a little closer now." Once more, he obeyed until he was standing at the very border.

"I can't walk any closer without falling now!" He argued. This time, there was no response. With a frown, he leaned a bit forward to try and look inside the hole, "hello? Are- are you still there?"

Scar continued staring, waiting. He was so focused at looking into the void, he failed to notice something coming from below until it was already hooked around his ankle. "What the?!" Before his eyes could even register what was going on, the man was pulled into the abyss. The light of the moon became further and further away until all that there was around him was cold darkness.

Scar fell into the void.

[alivehouse]

(While sending this ask I've accidentally found out what cool wallpapers (literally) you have on your desktop blog theme.)

Well, good day, my dearest horror podcast Virgil,

I, surprisingly to myself, actually finished "I am in Eskew" and enjoyed it quite a bit (which, I guess, could have been deduced by how much I spammed in the tag) even more surprisingly, considering I'm absolutely not a horror person - I substitute horror movies with their wikipedia retellings. Unironically.

Anyway, firstly, thank you! I definitely would have never discovered it without your recommendations!

Secondly, maybe you have something else like that stashed up your sleeve? I definitely need some time to recuperate, but I would like to explore more cool podcasts. (The only two limitations: short-ish - not much longer than this one, the view of a hundred+ episodes scares me; not gorier than this one/no actual jump scares - again, I'm a scardicat.) I remember you talking about "Mabel Podcast" and at the first glance it seems neat, but I'd like to hear your comments on it first.

Thanks in advance. :)

(thank you! its a william morris thing i edited a little lol) glad you liked eskew! its been fun seeing your thoughts on it popping up in the tag, not spammy at all.

i do want to mention that the creator of eskew also has another podcast called The Silt Verses, personally i havent listened to it for weird brain reasons so not sure how well it fits your criteria but ive heard its also very good

mabel podcast is another favorite! the creators of mabel and the creator of i am in eskew were both inspired by shirley jackson's the haunting of hill house to an extent iirc, so even though the stories are very different some elements of them have a similar 'feel' to them imo. i will say that mabel is very different stylistically though (especially the earlier episodes) which in my experience people seem to either love or hate. whereas in eskew you get a pretty continuous narration from david or riyo, in mabel youre mostly listening in on a series of somewhat disjointed voicemail messages. id definitely recommend at least giving the first few episodes a go, dont get discouraged if you dont feel like you dont understand whats happening right away. all you really need to know about the story going in is that youre following Anna, whos a live-in carer for an old woman named Sally. Anna is trying to contact Sallys next of kin (the titular Mabel), but shes strangely out of reach.

ok i know you said youre not a huge horror person but if you ever are feeling a little more daring id suggest trying out The White Vault. theres a small amount of gore (descriptions of finding hearts and teeth) and some uh. wet ripping sounds in it but its really not that bad all things considered, just know that it is straight horror though. its a found footage podcast that follows a group of people whove been hired to check out a remote outpost in northern norway thats gone dead, but a storm leaves them stranded there, and as time goes on it becomes clear that they arent exactly alone. this ones a little longer i think, but tbh ive only listened to the first two seasons, it felt like a natural place for the story to end to me

and then on the complete opposite side of the spooky podcast spectrum, if you want something thats a ghost story but really not horror at all imo, i just finished listening to Midnight Radio a few weeks back. this ones *really* short, like 10 episodes that are ~20 minutes each short, so its definitely lower commitment. in this one youre listening in on a radio show hosted by Sibyl, who died decades earlier but can still be heard waxing poetic about her hometown in the dead of night.

ok LAST ONE havent finished it so wasnt sure if i should rec it but a lot of people on my dash hype up Archive 81 so i thought id mention it at least. guy is hired to listen through a bunch of creepy tapes in some archive out in the middle of no where. classic horror podcast stuff. similar to eskew in that it pivots from mostly being mostly anthology into an overarching plot as you go on

[oonajaeadira]

ADIRA DID U WATCH THE FIRST EP OF TLOU

Hey there, frand!

I didn't actually play the game--I am not really good at games that require a lot of stealth and aim. Add in a horror element and I lock up real hard. But my SO played it and I watched a good portion of that. And then when I heard Pedro got the role I watched the cut scenes. @something-tofightfor clued me in that a lot of the story actually takes place during the gameplay, that there's a lot of things said or done that really cement the characters' bond, so I watched an entire playthrough. (I also watched a TLOU II playthrough, but I have a lot of issues with it, so if I ever write fic, that second one will not exist for me.)

So I knew what was going on. And it's been really fun having folks around me at all levels of experience with these characters. The SO has spent hours with them in the game (and I believe he's played it twice), and my BFF knows almost nothing. Hearing both of their reactions to the first episode has been very interesting. And, of course, knowing how much this show overlaps loves for Rachael (something-tofightfor) and watching her enjoy this all come to life has been a fkn joy.

My own reaction? Has been puzzling. Thank you for asking my opinion, because it gives me a moment to dissect and figure out why I'm feeling the way I am.

I will start off by saying that I love the show. I love the aesthetic and the acting. I love the changes they made and think there are some clever enhancements to the story. I wasn't looking forward to Tess but I am surprised at how much I love her character in this show and how much her character enhances both Joel and Ellie's. Bella of course is brilliant and is Ellie.

Weirdly, the issue I'm having is with Pedro. Kind of.

(cut for minor spoils)

He is rocking it. He is amazing. Like everyone says, he is doing award-worthy work.

But I'm not connecting. I'm not falling in love. And I can't figure out why.

Possibility: this is the first time I've gotten to witness so much behind the scenes stuff while the show was being filmed while I was also a fan that maybe I'm having trouble separating Pedro the actor from Joel the character.

Possibility: I've been waiting so long for this that nothing can possibly match the expectations I've built up.

Possibility: Maybe I should have gone in with less knowledge and let myself be moved organically.

Possibility: I knew that they'd have to make Joel more vulnerable, but I didn't realize just how very broken this version of him would be. And it makes me S A D. Maybe because we saw so much of him in 2003 that the hard switch to this very numb man holding onto his pain feels so far beyond the reach of the heart that I can't find a softness foothold in him and I just slide off him. At least game Joel had the tiniest bit of confidence and sparkle at the beginning--and he needed to be that in order to move through the game. But Pedro's Joel is just barely surviving. And it hurts. And it's brilliant.

And it's this last possibility--if I know myself--that I'm assuming. Because I know what's coming. And I know that Ellie will wear away at that numb exterior and reveal those footholds. Just like Din, Pedro's gonna start us off with someone impenetrable and then show cracks under stress, cracks that let the light through. Just like Din, I will find Joel amazing and compelling at first, someone I love to watch but don't hook into...until the armor comes off and the heart is revealed and then I'm gonna fall really R E A L L Y hard.

And this may be why I'm not drawn to any of the fanfic just yet. I am a soft, soft girl and I can't just go straight to the sex. Especially not the hard sex. I am not someone that wants a dude to treat me rough and dominate me or treat me like a toy or object, I don't want to be the receptacle for hate or anger or pure stress relief without emotional connection. Nor can my heart handle pure, concentrated angst without the possibility of it paying off toward a happy or hopeful ending. (SPOILER: Yes, I know where this show is going, and I still find emotional hope and happiness in the ending. It counts.) And the Joel we know right now seems built for those preferences. To all those writers and readers, I am beyond thrilled for you because fk, Joel is Fertile Ground™. (This is kind of the opposite of me just rolling in the soft gold that Javi G gave us 😂)

But I do love that this Joel is custom built for a more mature girl and reader characters of his age range. I will echo Rachael's opinions that with his paternal instincts toward very young women, I don't think he's an age-gap kind of guy. And neither will he put up with anything less than common sense. And I find that very, very attractive.

What I can't fall in love with is someone devoid of emotion or someone saturated only with sorrow. My heart isn't built that way.

Thankfully, I know that Joel will evolve.

And I really really can't wait to see the scene that opens up and swallows me. That's what I'm excited for. This series has expanded on the story and adjusted Joel just enough that I don't know when that's going to happen or how intensely....and I'm so looking forward to it.

In that way, it's not a problem at all. I kind of love that I'm not falling for Joel just because it's Pedro.

And I think that is the stamp on his talent. That even thought I love our boy, he has done such a phenomenal job at bringing me away from that love and back to the starting line with Joel, starting his character not at an easy place where we love him already, but one that has to be earned.

I think....I think Pedro might break me really hard with this one....

Okay. I'm gonna go cry now.

[scatmaan]

i clash with the me fandom bc me1 and me3 are my faves in the franchise n i hated me2 which seems to be everyones fave

gonna rant bc ive shit on the me franchise in the past but since i finally finished me3 a while ago i like it a lot more now.........

me1 is way more heavy in the world building, has such good atmosphere, and creepy elements... the music alone is just *chefs kiss* like straight out of a scifi horror. if you take the time to do the side missions and explore all the planets you get this feeling of unease.. plus its far more heavy on the rp factor. sheps bg comes up several times and you have the missions strictly for YOUR selected bg. its fun. i’ve replayed me1 so many times and i Always do every side mission bc i enjoy them

me2........... eugh. i just. idk. i guess its bc im not crazy abt half of the companions. so doing their loyalty missions is such a draaaaag to me. i love garrus, legion, and jack. and the next tier faves would be samara and mordin.. i dont dislike any of the rest but im also just.. not invested enough to want to replay their loyalty missions over. esp when they take up what feels like 80% of the game :// ... meanwhile the collector base which is pr cool is so short lived.. and the horror elements are 0. theyre gone.

i will say tho the war crimes committed in me2 are incredible i only hate that its never thrown in sheps face except for a very few fleeting moments i barely remember. like....they wiped out an entire planet. HELLO. i feel like THAT shouldve been sheps main trauma in me3. not the random kid they saw die. like my man KILLED. AN ENTIRE. PLANET. like sure, it was to stop the reapers from invading early but also.... thatd be very hard to come to terms with?? idk. missed opportunity. also just dont like the kid in me3.

me3 everyone seems to hate but i love it. obvs rp is 0. rp is gone. shep is basically a fully fledged char separate of whatever you decided in me1 or in your headcanons.. which.. im rlly fine with. again theres also like no horror in this one either but the suspense and thrill is great. esp since ive only played it once so far, i remember being on edge. alsoooooooooooo

the leviathan mission......... ugh. has got to be one of my favorite missions. sinking into the depths of the ocean in the middle of nowhere.. coming across the original species the reapers were based off of? the way that whole shit is handled was just very fun to me idk. wish there had been more of that ngl..

[bidonica]

I posted 3,291 times in 2022

That's 2,185 more posts than 2021!

151 posts created (5%)

3,140 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@segretecose

@exterminate-ak

@stavos

@bigre-fichtre

@sarahcakes613

I tagged 2,413 of my posts in 2022

Only 27% of my posts had no tags

#q - 1,760 posts

#house of the dragon - 139 posts

#asoiaf art - 122 posts

#art - 116 posts

#cat - 102 posts

#vibes - 85 posts

#cinema - 83 posts

#dracula daily - 72 posts

#asoiaf meta - 72 posts

#asoiaf - 67 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#but romance language reviwers would be like ‘amazing style’ and english speakers would go from ‘meh’ to ‘this was fucking unreadable’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Getting tired of the "GRRM writes incest as a total negative" vs "GRRM is a little freak who wrote asoiaf around his incest kink" discourse... not to be democristiana on main but both things can be true! He can use incest to make a larger thematic point about these dynasties self cannibalizing to retain their power/identity while also using it to make the story sexier (I always point at how different the ultimately consensual, while still dysfunctional, targcest or j/c are written vs the abject horror of Craster's keep). He can make anti war points while also being blatantly fascinated by the spectacle of (magnified) medieval warfare with a side of dragons. He so obviously revels in making up family trees and sigils and OTT castles and whatnot but I struggle to see a message of Feudalism Is Good, Actually in asoiaf. 

I guess we wouldn't be having all of these tiring discussions about whether he is endorsing [whatever problematique element is recurring in asoiaf] if he strictly stuck to his intended Message regardless of what he personally finds fun, hot or simply dramatically engaging, but let's be honest, we probably wouldn't be reading asoiaf if it was a straight up moral pamphlet, even though some people act like they wish it was. 

Asoiaf is more than pulp fiction; asoiaf is ALSO pulp fiction. I think analyzing it while ignoring either side makes it less interesting and diminishes the experience! But that's just me. Do whatever, this is a tumblr post not a cop

275 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

#4

Waiting for the Dracula adaptation that actually shows Jonathan walking in on the Count doing chores

275 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

#3

“Little meow meow” is actually a VERY apt definition for your problematic faves because no one like cats demonstrates that you can be an apex predator, a ruthless killer who plays with their prey for fun and an adorable fluffball who must be protected at all costs

1,162 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

#2

I am rewatching Malcolm in the Middle and i wanted to gush a little about its production design because I would seriously put it in Mad Men’s bracket of insane attention to detail, except that instead of getting a historical period right this is about communicating the class of Malcolm’s family. The furniture is mismatched and visibly lived in, their appliances (like the washing machine Lois wants to change) seem to mostly date to when they moved in (likely Francis’ birth), the lawn is a legendary mess. There’s a cold open in one of the later seasons where Lois scrubs a new stain off the floor only to realize this created a clear spot in the now uniformly greyed carpeting. A lesser sitcom would have created a gag where the mom character goes “whelp I guess now I have to clean it all 🙄”. But at this point we know Lois, we know she’s running a household with three unruly teenage and preteen sons and a baby, and she has a job outside the home too, so she does the sensible thing: she picks a handful of dirt off a flower pot and smudges it into the carpet. Clear spot gone. Idk, it’s such a neat little moment, and such a clever use of the set to facilitate showing who this character is.

1,908 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Do you ever think about the infinite

4,303 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[tamilhobbit]

I've been saying this for years. I do not want media where the entire plot is The Sad Existence of Queer Youth or How Hard It Is Being Gay. I don't want media where the whole damn plotlines is just being queer, unless you're making the same sort of fluffy romcoms you make for cishet romances - and even then, it's not my favourite genre.

Give me queer fantasy and queer superheroes and queer supernatural hunters.

Give me an epic fantasy with all the usual elements of Chosen One and magical sword and prophecy and Big Bad, but make the Chosen One a lesbian and give her a romance alongside defeating the Big Bad. (So, basically She-Ra and the Princesses of Power.)

Give me fantasy with all the angst of an immortal Elf falling for a human, but they're queer. Give me genderqueer Dwarves going on a quest.

Give me mainstream superhero movies with all the fun and action and quips of Avengers (2012), except our two team leaders actually end up together instead of just having everyone jokingly call them Mum and Dad.

Give me supernatural drama that combines dark tense plots and horror and lore with moments of fourth-wall breaking humour, but our flannel-wearing hero has a queer romance with the eldritch inhuman being they share a bond with, but it's still the B-plot because they're fighting vampires and demons.

I want period dramas with the usual drama of arranged marriages and affairs and stolen glances and heaving bosoms, except queer. (It's why I loved Brimsley & Reynolds in Queen Charlotte, and why I'm excited for Francesa Bridgerton and Michaela Stirling. But if you're going to do an alternate history where racism is gone, let's do an alternate history next where same-gender marriage is as commonplace and accepted as straight ones, like in fanfic.)

I'd say I want a buddy cop drama/comedy where they're actually gay instead of calling it bromance, but I'm done with copaganda. Maybe something like Sherlock where they're not actually deeply homophobic and only leaning into it to bait the fans they look down on.

This is why Our Flag Means Death got so big; it wasn't just a gay drama, it was comedy and pirates.

In short, I want the same thing cishet folks get - epic, excellent storytelling and drama and comedy, and romance subplots we can see ourselves in, where characters have arcs beyond being gay.

I'm 32. I'm a lot less interested in teenagers coming out. I want to see pirates and supernatural hunters and fantasy knights my age fall in love and have sexy Zorro-esque swordfights and then take on a thinly disguised metaphor for colonialism and have a happy ending.

I'm going to be perfectly honest a lot of people claiming people don't like canonically queer shows like heartstopper love victor etc and favor queerbaity shows like supernatural house md etc BECAUSE of the queerbait itself are missing a core element of these shows and is that the weird gay thing people are having is very much a light accessory to the plot instead of being literally the plot itself. Queerness as a plot is tempting for like a two hour movie if I wanted to watch more than four hours of people discovering their identity while nothing else happens I'd just go live my life. What's the point if they're not even solving a murder.

[bearpillowmonster]

Terminator Ranking

I'm not as big of a Terminator fan as your average bear but I've come to appreciate the franchise and have finally reached seeing all of them so I figured, why not rank them.

Salvation- I wanted to see this for a long time, ever since it came out despite never having seen a Terminator film yet but when I learned that it wasn't everything it was cracked up to be, I got scared because I had this ideal vision for it. How could it be bad? I finally saw it as a second to last movie and I think it boils down to direction. That opening is great but the rest is meh af. It should feel satisfying to see a giant Terminator get blown up at a gas station and the protags run away in a truck but it just doesn't. It's too dull of a look, Kyle and Sam- I mean! Marcus have a kind of dumb side thing going on. It's just the delivery of it all and their relationships to each other, too much centered on the wrong stuff.

3: Rise of the Machines- I barely even remember this one but people have clamored for a proper sequel to 2 all this time that they've actually gone back and inspected this one saying it's the best sequel which is funny how much they settled. From what I remember, it panders to try and give you little stuff to keep you entertained, here's a new model, here's Arnold for a minute, here's- is this Robocop? This reminds me more of Robocop than Terminator, I like Robocop too but it just goes weird after 2 (go figure) I just don't care to watch it again and see what else is wrong with it. I'm sure I forgot it for a reason.

Dark Fate - Terminator: Leave You In The Dark. A lot of it is pointless, inflating its runtime, it's like it introduces all these ideas to you and they go through each and every last resort. You're not as stupid as it likes to think, yeah, she's some resistance person, big whoop, I could've told you that in the intro but they use that as the big twist? It doesn't justify itself, it has a few good action scenes but those are mostly at the beginning anyway so why bother?

1- A good base, more driven on horror with a clear motivator and villain. It's a weird romance plot for today's standards so it's definitely an 80s B movie but that's a little of its charm, I suppose.

2: Judgement Day- People claim this is the best, not just for Terminator but for movies in general and yeah, it's fun and it has a lot going on. What's weird is that James Cameron took the more horror centric Alien and make the action-oriented Aliens which was great but had trouble building off of that and then took his own horror centric Terminator and made the more action based T2 and had trouble building off of that. So maybe it's changing the formula too much, maybe it's only meant to be done once, maybe Cameron should see his trilogies through, I don't know. It curses too much though, I get John's a delinquent but stop it Cameron, it's unneeded for all your movies.

Genisys- Ha! Gotcha! People hate this one, even the people in it. But me? It's a guilty pleasure. You see, I saw this and thought it was an average movie at best, so trust me, I get it, but the more I sat on it, the more I thought about it, the more it stuck in my head and had my favorite stuff. I mean, it does so pretty logically, expanding on Kyle's character, though he's not perfect, we get a modernized update to the romantic elements by giving them a choice. Bringing back a younger Sarah but just as experienced with good guy T800 so we don't lose too much, a sort of Sarah Connor Chronicles if you will.

As a sequel, yeah, it sucks, and as a reboot, it copies a good bit but it might just do it in a better way of what it copies. Best of both worlds. But as a spinoff, it's great because it sets itself apart and makes use of the "failures" before it by calling them alternate futures since we strayed away from the "straight line" and now everything's on the fritz, so it keeps us guessing what's actually going to happen. It keeps itself contained so it doesn't really need a sequel. The acting isn't on par but I'd follow Emilia Clarke into a drowning river. I recognize the goofy things this movie offers but at least they're memorable. The funniest is when Kyle is in the clothing store while the T1000 is stomping around and he peeks around actually shopping, seeing a leather jacket he likes and takes it rather than just any clothes he can get then grabbing a pair of shoes, actually hopping on one foot to see if they fit his feet. Stomp stomp stomp, the T1000 walks past the dressing room and Kyle steps down with the Nike logo centered and branded. Hilarious product placement, I just gotta love it. That ending is kind of dumb where they revisit young Kyle, I see where they needed to make it all fit together but it's dumb. Give it a better battle on Cybertron- I mean, the future! like Salvation and you have a pretty entertaining romp.

[jellogram]

Five Nights at Freddy's film review and general opinions

Spoiler free.

To preface, I've never played the games at all. I know the main lore but I am mostly coming from a horror film fan perspective and not a franchise fan perspective.

So from that perspective, it's.... fine. It's not great. It's not terrible. It's a bit bland.

There was so much that the filmmakers could have dug their teeth into. You've got the whole arcade nostalgia thing, you've got the straight-up camp of the premise, the tragedy, just a lot to explore thematically and stylistically, and it doesn't dig into any of it.

I liked the first act and I think Josh Hutcherson is well cast, but his character's development is mostly shown and not told. Vanessa really doesn't get any dimension at all.

I can live with flat characters if the campiness of the film is fun enough, but every time they could have gone batshit off-the-wall bonkers, they reigned it in and tried to play serious. And they don't pull off the serious elements at all. The story is simply not well-written enough for the emotional beats to land properly, some of the "twists" are completely pointless, and too many loose ends and plotholes are never explored.

So I think it's kind of caught between two worlds. The serious notes don't work well enough to ground the film, and the batshit parts aren't batshit enough to be fun.

I do think it could potentially be a good middle grade horror for kids. The violence is mostly implied and the contents are explained clearly enough for the age 10-14 group. If they were aiming for kiddie horror in the same vein as stuff like Goosebumps and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, I think they were fairly successful. But existing in that category of horror doesn't mean the film has to be mediocre.

In conclusion, I would have liked to see the film lean way harder into the crazy premise and do something really campy and absurd, but the moment I saw Blumhouse in the opening credits I kind of knew that wouldn't happen.

If you're a big fan of the games, I think you will likely leave satisfied. From what I remember, it hits the major story beats and the animatronics are accurate and sorta neat. Fans so far seem to be loving it, so that's cool.

But if you're a big horror movie fan just looking for some fun thrills, you can probably skip this one.

[yes-i-write-fanfiction]

I hope you like resident evil! Lets say the autobots and the elite guard watch a human transform into a beast twice their size, fully giving in to the infection, laughing manically while doing so. Worse of all it seems the that the scientists threw a little bit of cybertronian DNA into the mix. Making their new form look like a horrific mass of flesh and metal. Cause C'mon you know for a fact that if a highly advanced alien race comes to Earth the umbrella corporation would be all over that!

The autobots are downright horrified by what they see. Usually, transformation is something that comes naturally to them but this? This is anything but. The concept of skin and flesh is already alien to them but to see it stretch, twist and tear is surreal. However, the real terror comes from the sudden realization that there’s mechanical elements in this abomination. Cybertronian elements.

Optimus feels the energon drain from his face. He wants to turn away but he can’t. This situation, it remind him of her, of Elita-1. How she was turned into a techno organic. Could this have happened to her? Could she have turned into something like this? Was it just pure luck that she retained a mostly cybertronian shape? It’s terrifying to think about.

As a medic, Ratchet knows everything about the cybertronian frame and ever since he arrived on Earth and started living with humans he started to read up about humans too. That’s why he can fully comprehend what’s going on in front of him. He can see the true horror, not only on the outside but also on the inside.

Yeah... Bumblebee is straight up dry heaving. This is disgusting! Now, he’s seen a bunch of horror movies, both cybertronian and human, but nothing could ever come close to this! What. The. FUCK!? Bee is going to have nightmares for months after this.

Bulkhead’s jaw straight up drops in shock. He grabs the bot closed to him, which in this case just so happens to be Jazz, and holds him close, almost like a security blanket. His mouth is wide open and he’s screaming silently. This is a moment that he will never forget, no matter how hard he tries and it will haunt him for the rest of his life.

During his stay on Earth, Prowl has come to adore the organic life on it. He has gained an understanding of it and appreciated life in all its forms. But this is something else. This person has thrown away everything that makes life fantastic. In a way it’s sad, to willingly give up something like that. But Prowl won’t hesitate to cut this thing down.

Ultra Magnus is disgusted. It’s not the worst thing he’s seen but it’s up there among the top. For someone to use cybertronian CNA to create such an atrocity, it makes him sick. It seems he has to reevaluate his view on humans and their threat level.

Sentinel is screaming and if he was capable of it then he would throw up. This is his worst nightmare. No, it’s even worse than that because he could never come up with something as horrifying as this! He wants to firebomb it and then nuke the place just to make sure that every last trace of this abomination is gone from this world. His hatred and fear of organics grow.

Ehhhh, what is this? Jetfire and Jetstorm are confused and in shock. While yes, they had been prepared to fight decepticons on Earth, they saw it as a relaxing, fun place. They never imagined that they would encounter something like this here. They try to keep up the morale by joking but everyone can see how scared they are.

Uhm, yeah, Jazz is properly freaked out. You remember how he reacted when he met Sari for the first time? It’s like that except turn that terror up to 11. But he only lets his fear show for a few seconds before he collects himself. He’s still afraid but Jazz knows better than to let his fear control him, especially in combat. But he does find a bit of relief in Bulkhead holding him, it’s nice knowing he’s not the only one that’s freaked out.

[swanimagines]

A MEMORY PART II | KAZ BREKKER

PART I

Fandom: Shadow and Bone

Characters: Y/N (female), Kaz Rietveld/Brekker, Jordie Rietveld, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey

A/N: The highly requested part II, I hope you'll like it! Also just a reminder that I haven't read the books because I'm unable to but I still use some elements from the books I obtained by researching, I got a Nikolai request right after publishing the last part (which I'm obviously unable to fill) so just reminding you because of that.

Warnings: mentions of violence and death, language (not in dialogue), angst (or hurt/comfort), Kaz is a bit soft, also I'm not sure how Kaz has been as a child and didn't find any proper info about it but for some reason I've been in belief that he was rather sweet, naive and innocent? But if it's described in the book and he wasn't like that, I apologize. As I said, I'm unable to read the books at the moment.

Summary: Y/N tries to find out what happened and reconnect with her best friend.

Word count: 2k

Rain had started on the moment you heard about Kaz’s new life and hadn’t stopped since. It pounded against the roof and windows, worsening your racing thoughts. It was like the sky had decided to emphasize your guilty feeling about leaving Kaz growing up all alone and made a violent shower of rain pour over Ketterdam.

You had sat down there with Inej and Jesper for a couple of hours, just sitting in silence mostly, trying to consume the fact that your friend wasn’t the Kaz you had known before. That he was known as Dirtyhands and was feared around Ketterdam. Jesper tried to ask about your life occasionally, and you had told him about the family you had worked for, about your life and how you were planning to continue forward after leaving Kerch. And as you answered that, you realized that you didn't want to leave anymore. Ketterdam held a bunch of cursed, bad people and hellish places comparable to the Fold, people murdering and beating each other up just for fun and corruption was seen all over the city, especially at the Barrel which you wanted to escape, but Kaz was the reason you had tolerated it all fifteen years ago, and you wanted to re-establish your friendship with him.

But if he had really changed as much as Jesper’s horror stories told you, ripping eyes out and torturing people who acted against him, was he a safe person to be friends with anymore? And judging by how he hadn't come down after going upstairs after you had tried to hug him, you feared that he was mad with you for abandoning him like that. Inej said that he's scared to face you, his childhood friend who knew who he was before becoming Kaz Brekker. Before people learned about how cruel he could be.

Eventually you had to stand up and make your way to his office door. You had to talk to him, you had to know what he was thinking. You had to let him know you were sorry for abandoning him.

You knocked and after hearing a faint grunt, you opened the door. You knew he knew it was you.

He didn’t say anything and tried to busy himself with writing something down. But you knew he did it just so he wouldn’t have to face you. Something had happened, something which caused him not being able to communicate with you normally.

“What do you want, Y/N?” he finally asked as you had stood at the doorway for a moment, and you swallowed.

“What happened?” you asked, going straight to the point as you took a careful step forward. He didn’t look up from his papers but didn’t tell you to stop either, so you continued walking toward his desk in tiny, slow steps.

“What do you mean?” he asked as he pushed a blueprint aside before starting to write on another paper.

You sighed. “You weren’t like this when we were children.”

He paused with writing, but quickly returned to it. “I’ve always been like this.”

You shook your head, finally taking another step which allowed you to stand right in front of his desk. “No, you haven't. The Kaz I know-”

“That Kaz is gone. Kaz Rietveld is dead.” he interrupted you abruptly, his voice came out as sharp and you could hear he didn’t want to hear the end of your sentence.

Silence. You stared at him in confusion and your lips parted slightly. “What?”

“He died when Jordie Rietveld did. They lie together at the bottom of the sea. He’s not here anymore.” Your eyes widened at his mention of Jordie's death, but something told you you shouldn't question it further. Not yet, at least. He still didn’t look up, writing something to a piece of paper, and you were fairly sure he was just writing nonsense to keep himself composed by this point. He spoke as if he was stating the obvious, like he was speaking about someone else. And after learning what he had done, what kind of person he had become, you could guess he tried to get away from the person he had been before.

From that sweet, naive boy who had had a silly childhood romance with an equally naive street girl from the Barrel. Jordie’s teasing grin flashed through your mind as you saw a nine-year old Kaz shyly handing you a flower he had found from the ground, fallen from a bouquet they sold at the market and you giving him a kiss on his cheek as a thank you. He had been redder than ever, grinning like an idiot. Then you were returned to the present moment and saw this man who had just told you that your best friend was dead.

The Barrel had beaten him up a lot, that much was clear. It was expected too, but you still wouldn’t have wanted to believe that. He was a completely different person than he had been before and it radiated from him like a field of energy. If you would have stepped into that room without seeing him, you wouldn’t have recognized him. Only his eyes gave it away, even when their warmth and innocence was long gone.

He has had to go through so much, and I wasn’t there with him. You couldn’t stop thinking about it. Jordie had died and then his best friend abandoned him right when a chance was offered for better life outside Ketterdam. No wonder a thing like that made him bitter.

You swallowed again, trying to hold back your tears. You just couldn’t stop blaming yourself, even when Inej and Jesper had told you to stop it. All your promises to yourself had come crashing down the moment you saw Kaz, when you saw him running away from you when you had hugged him. When you saw that touch scared him and made him to go to the state of pure panic. He had gone through so much and you had disappeared from his life when he would have needed you the most. If he had you, then maybe he would have gotten better, maybe he wouldn’t be called Dirtyhands. Maybe he would be happy, you would have gotten away from this shitstain city, or even gone to work together at that farm. Kaz would have felt their love too and gotten over Jordie better. Kaz Rietveld would still be here. Instead, you had left him to survive alone, to the teeth of the Barrel, forced him to grow up to be a person like this, hide Kaz Rietveld in order to become Kaz Brekker. Dirtyhands. A mastermind who was feared. Everything Kaz Rietveld wasn't.

You turned your gaze to your feet, trying to fight back your tears was becoming unbearable now and your sight started to be blurry. He was there right in front of you, but at the same time it wasn't him. It was a man who was after vengeance and greed. Profit. Kruge. Killing Pekka Rollins. You would have lied if you had claimed that you didn't want Pekka Rollins dead too, but he was actually planning to do it and had dedication to do it. He was a killer. Referred to as a monster. And he seemed to be proud of that title.

“I’m sorry for abandoning you. If I had even tried to find you...” you muttered after a moment of silence, your voice breaking as you felt tears finally making their way to your eyes, and he finally looked up at you. His lips twitched slightly, but he didn’t answer. You hugged yourself and slowly sat down on the chair across from his desk as tears started flowing down your cheeks. “I- I didn’t mean to. If I had known that you’re alive, I would have looked for you. I would have looked for you for as long as I would have needed, I wouldn’t have stopped before I would have found you, before I’d see you breathing and alive and feel you in my arms, held you there to be sure you were real. I would have done that, even if it took me a week without sleep. I know you don’t believe me, but I would have done that. I loved you too much to let you go that easily. You were all I had.”

He was still silent for a while, averting his gaze to the papers in front of him, and closed his eyes. And when he spoke, his voice felt like he gave in to his past person to take over, his voice was soft and quiet. Not laced with aggression, but with care. “I know. You were all I had too after Jordie died. I tried to find you too, but I knew you thought I was dead and I knew you had left Ketterdam. I knew you knew that the streets weren't safe for a lone child. I just hoped you had made it out alive.”

For the first time, he referred to Kaz Rietveld as himself, but on the next moment he seemed to get back to his tracks as Kaz Brekker, clearing his throat and glancing at you once more.

“Did you have anything else? I have work to do.” he stated and you let a small smile to occupy your lips, grateful that he showed a tiny slice of his past self to you, but you knew that he wasn't ready for more. If he would ever be ready.

“I didn’t have anything else. It was good to see you, Kaz. My ship leaves in a few days, I'll drop by before boarding it to say goodbyes.” you turned around to leave his office but as your hand was on the doorknob, you heard his cane clicking behind you.

“Y/N, I-” he started but stopped himself as soon as you turned to look at him. You stared at each other for a bit, before he cleared his throat again. Stay with me, don’t leave me, he wanted to say. “I have a spare room at our base, the Slat. If you want to spend those few nights there before you leave Ketterdam… it’s dangerous out there. But you would be safe at the Slat,” he muttered the last sentence and you blinked at him before your lips broke into a wide smile.

“Yes, I’d love to stay if it’s okay by you.” you answered and restrained yourself from hopping in place. He still cared.

Maybe you’d get to re-establish your friendship after all. He had hidden Kaz Rietveld away, but you got it to peek behind Kaz Brekker, a persona he had created to hide that innocent, sweet boy who was in love with an innocent, sweet girl named Y/N. He was different and your friendship would be different, you wouldn’t fall to sleep against each other as Jordie threw a blanket over you, you wouldn’t hug and he wouldn’t lay on your lap watching you as you sketched crows as he fed them and occasionally browsing through your finished sketches, always admiring how skillful you were at nine years old. Your friendship wouldn’t have touching or cuddling anymore, but the feeling would be there. Your deep bond you had created all those years ago still held in place even when it wobbled along the way as Kaz had tried to forget you and his childish feelings towards you to make himself feel even less, but he just needed a reminder how important you were to him once upon a time.

And that made him realize something he would never say out loud. You still held his heart just as he had held yours for all these years, and he didn’t want to let you go ever again.

---

People who asked to be tagged for part II (I'm sorry if I forgot someone, there was a lot of you and I might have accidentally skipped someone): @lord-byron @thefandomplace @euphoniumpets @illicitghosts @thecraziestcrayon

General SaB taglist: @musicallisto @take-me-to-ny @mindofasupernova @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @someoneovertherainboww @vintagebitc @fandomstuffff @montsepliego @amwitherspoon @number-0-iz @tranquilitymoon @just-a-new-start @kaqua @booksreplacedmysoul @readingslumpfanfic @dancingwith-sunflowers @shadowhuntyi @rika90 @imma-too-many-fandoms @the-abyss-gazed-back @thereagles @kiwijulia @beatitlikeabongodrum @louweasleymalfoy @aliiiyyaaah @malfoys-demigod @aleksanderwh0r3 @gallysonegoodlung @maybe-potato @dustyjjumpwings @whatiswrongwithpeople @thegirlwiththeimpala @kykymyeon @lazyotakujen // reply "tag me" or send me an ask ("Can you add me to your Shadow and Bone taglist?") if you wanna be notified when I publish new SaB content!

[sporadiclilbook]

Songbird

Yan!Childe x Singer/Dancer!Khaenri'ahn! reader

Proof-read by: @choquackette

a/n: in a way, does this count as a songfic :D? Also I'm gonna use Lost in Thoughts All Alone for this. And to be fair you're pretty much like Shigure/Azura from fates in this

TW: Kidnapping

You are the ocean's gray waves

Destined to seek life beyond the shore

Just out reach

Your voice rang out through the crowd who was listening. Your Hydro Vision glowed as you made particles of water float around you. It created an illusion that made them looked like it was sparkling. It was mesmerising. To Childe, it amazed him how you used it so beautifully for a show. Unlike his more....bloodthirsty uses of his. To think a Vision can do something so graceful and morbid at the same time.

Of course he had his Electro Delusion but this is the Vision we're talking about. He uses it as a weapon while you used it for entertainment. To be honest, he never thought he'd see something like this. It was all thanks to a mission he has to do. Tailing a guy who was in debt to the Fatui and all. Childe think he was a fool. Instead of trying to make his business better, he wastes it on shows like these. But now that he sees you, he understand why. Your exotic appearance was a sight to behold. The only known person to have the same eyes as you was that Favonius Cavalry Captain and he only showed one eye. One already can make one look intriguing but having both made you look ethereal.

Yet the water ever change

Flowing like time

The path is yours to climb

Your dance was graceful, fluid movements that did flow like water. Childe think you could've been a good sword fighter if you were able to incorporate these movements into sword fighting. But for now he'll enjoy your voice and dancing. There's just something about it he loved so much. Sure fighting is always the one he loves but there's just something about you that he's attracted to. Was it your appearance? Vocals? Movements? Or those pupils of yours? He thinks it's quite silly, he doesn't even know who you are and yet......

A burdened heart

Sinks into the ground

Here he is, eager to look for you after this whole mission thing. If there's one thing he knows, is to not judge someone's prowess by appearance. Take the traveler for example. They have a petite form and yet they were able to defeat his Foul Legacy form! Who knows what you might have in store for him? Just the thought of you actually being able to fight makes him feel giddy.

Alas, all he can do for now is listen to your song. With that said, he didn't forget his mission. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw his target. The man was also in awe of looking at you. Too in awe of noticing his presence that is. He'll get right back to him when your show's over.

A veil falls away without a sound

Not day nor night

Wrong nor right

For truth and peace, you'll fight

He wondered if his siblings would love your singing. Sleeping to a lullaby sounded like a nice idea to him. Why he even thought of that was a mystery to him. Is this what they called love at first sight? He just can't help but wished to woken up by your voice that will roll out his name softly in the morning.

Sing with me a song

Of silence and blood

The rain falls, but can't wash away the mud

Within my ancient heart dwells

Madness and pride

Can't no one hear my cry?

The song ended and the crowd threw a round applause. You bowed and left the stage immediately. Childe, who hasn't forgot his mission, quickly trailed the guy he was after outsidd. "Ah! Hello there Mr. Wei Xing! I reckon you know who I am yes?" And so from there, he scared the poor man to the death with threats and grim reminder of the debt he owed. But Childe was feeling a bit merciful today "Tell you what I'll give you some more time on one condition." Wei Xing, his target, was confused. The Fatui giving a bit of leverage? Still, he would be an idiot to refuse "And that condition is....?"

Childe chuckled at his quick response. It's natural after all. All of his intimidation must have triggered his survival instincts. "Just answer me this. Who was that singer with a Hydro Vision?" Wei Xing was baffled. That's all he wanted? "A-as far as I know, t-their name is (Y/N). They're a performer that was passing by Liyue to gain more popularity across Teyvat." Childe hummed as he hears it. 'A travelling performer huh? Looks like I'll have to act quick if I want to meet them' There was moment of silence before he asked another question "When are they leaving?" "I-in a few days"

Childe let him go and as promised gave him more time for him to pay his debt. Should he fails again to do so.....he'll be history. He only had a few days to meet and talk to you so he has to be quick. Thankfully being a Fatui Harbinger does have it perks. One of those perks being having informants that can collect informations for you. And since this is no top secret info, it was quite easy to find out where you were staying and exactly how many days before you were gone.

As he wait for you at the road that led guests from Wangshu Inn to Liyue, he thought of what you might say. Maybe you'll recognise him right away? Or perhaps you were too innocent to notice the horrors of the Fatui. As he notices your figure walking on the horizon, he prepared to greet you casually. But then he was perplexed by your outfit. It seemed less travelling performer and more of a......fighter? Interesting. He drops the idea of greeting you and opted to follow your path instead.

He followed you until you reached a domain that was near one of the ruins. You stood in front of the entrance as he awaits your next move, intentionally letting his presence seep out. "You're not doing that much of a great job to hide yourself, Fatui. Or is it intentional?" Childe walks out from the spot he was hiding in and approached you slowly while saying "Well, isn't this a surprise? I just happened to be passing b-" His actions stopped midway as your pointed a spear at him. "Not a step closer, what do you want?"

Your starred pupils were sharped and narrowed. It held an intense emotion in it. Childe held up his hands in some sort of mock surrender and laughed a bit "Hey now! There's no need to get aggressive, is there? I was just curious why someone like you is doing here. Not exactly a good place to perform isn't it?"

"That's none of your business."

"Are you gonna go inside this domain?"

"...."

"If so, can I follow?"

"No."

"Please?"

"I said no."

"I'm very good at fighting you know. It'll be a shame if someone like you gets inju--"

Your spear was closer to him now. Threatening to slice him open any minute you wanted to. It didn't faze him at all. In fact it made him thrilled. He knew there was something about you that was enchanting and perhaps this was it. An unrelenting fighting spirit. In a blink of an eye, he immediately summoned his hydro javelin and parried your spear. You backed away in surprise but kept your guard up.

"Listen I have no time for you Fatui. Leave me be. I have more important matters to attend to." Childe just gave a fox-like grin at your attempt to intimidate him. "Is that so? Like what exactly?" You rolled your eyes at him. He was getting annoying for sure. "Like I said, none of your business." It looks like you might have to halt your plans for tonight. The Abyss Order can wait. "So, what are you gonna do little star?" Without warning you immediately engulfed yourself in a torrent of water and disappears. Childe was shocked when he sees it but still grinned. If you wanted to be a challenge then so be it. If he can't bother you during your 'missions' then he'll bother you during the day.

And that is exactly what he did.

For two days straight he kept trying to talk with you whenever you were out visiting the Liyue Harbour. At first you tolerated him but now he was insufferable. You were glad you were leaving as soon as possible next day but Childe was not having any of that. In just the span of two days his little curiosity had turned into a tsunami of obsession. Your expressions and reactions not to mention the little heart warming moments he saw you cheering up some of the kids in Liyue. He wants to know even more of you.

And precisely why he is fighting you right now.

As he has deducted, your move was as graceful as your dance. Your fighting style was as unique as your eyes. Something he has never seen before. You dodged his flurry of arrows, panting while doing so. How long has he fought you? It felt like an eternity. You tried to dash to him and deliver a swift strike but him and his stupid shield won't let you. You jumped back just in time before he strike his hydro swords at you. You can't even get an elemental advantage here, you had to mostly rely on your weapon.

"Well (Y/N), it's been a fun fight really. But why don't you surrender now? You're tired aren't you? I promise things will go smoothly if you just give up."

You didn't want to. There's no way you'll give up. What does he wants with you anyway? You only stared down at him in silence, refusing to answer. "Ah, stubborn now aren't we? I guess I'll have to use a little force...." He activated his Delusion and immediately dashed towards you, giving you no time to react. The electricity made you groan in pain. You use your spear as a stabiliser from falling to the ground but you were running out of energy at this point.

Before you could fall, Childe took a hold of your body. "See? It's not that hard to give up." You wanted to mutter a remark but darkness shrouded your vision before you fainted. You woke up in an unfamiliar room. Certainly not Liyue's architecture nor your homeland's. Your first thought was to look for an escape.

The door was locked.

Windows were barred.

The wardrobe had the clothes you brought with you across Teyvat along with some new ones.

There was a chain at your leg that's long enough to get you to the bathroom.

Your Vision and weapon was missing.

You waited in silence, pondering what to do. You certainly can't escape like this. But then you heard the door open. And as expected it was him. "Did you had a good sleep? You were knocked out for a while there." You scowled at him "Drop the act, where am I?" Childe hummed before answering "You're in Snezhnaya of course! Where else would I bring you? I'm quite lucky to be able to bring you here and visit my siblings! Say would you like to visi--" "Why would I do that?"

His grin dropped and his eyes stared at you. His eyes was....hollow...empty...devoid of any humanity in them. He walked towards you and you instinctively stepped back. He had you trapped against a wall. He lifted up your chin and let out a small but terrifying smile "Well, because your fate is in my hands. There's nothing you can do now, is there? But I'll forgive your behaviour for now.....if you sing that is."

You hated it. You hated the fact he was right. So you had no choice but to stay obedient and be his 'little songbird' until you found a window of opportunity. He lets go of your chin and sat down on a chair. With a heavy heart, you opened your mouth to sing.

You are the ocean's gray waves

Destined to seek life beyond the shore

Just out of reach

Childe smiled as you sing. He's sure you'll come around and fall in love with him soon enough.

Yet the water ever change

Flowing like time

The path is yours to climb

Shame that you can't meet his family yet. They would've love you. He can't wait for that day to arrive though. He can't help but feel joy. His little songbird, all his and no one else.

You are the ocean's gray waves.

[mischievouswritingblog]

Meta Essay: Medivh The Bisexual Icon

As of the time of this post, there’s going to be an update coming to World of Warcraft where the once all female ghosts in Karazhan will be changed to include male varieties as well.

Full details on the update can be found here: https://www.wowhead.com/news/female-only-ghosts-in-karazhan-updated-to-include-male-versions-324371

This has caused a lot of fun posts and people to take this as an ‘accidental confirmation’ by Blizzard that the character Medivh is bisexual. Pair this along with how some of his portrayal in Hearthstone was made into Warcraft canon, and in my opinion, it’s an excellent update to his character.

It’s no secret that Blizzard’s had a massive lack in LBGTQ+ representation for the longest time. Often when such subject matter did show up it was treated more as a punchline in some quests or was kept conveniently to the sidelines, with nonconsequential, blink and you miss it text, side characters, moments. It’s insulting, to say the least, and is the source of a growing frustration from the LBGTQ+ members of the audience. What’s more, whenever this frustration gets voiced it’s always talked down to. We are told that to ‘keep politics out of gaming’ and that we are too sensitive, when these are the same people that get bent out of shape when even a single thing changes or is called out in their game. It’s bullshit. LBGTQ+ people exist and the act of existing isn’t a political issue.

But of course, with people even making lighthearted jokes or posts of Medivh being a ‘Bisexual Icon’, there’s folks crawling out of the woodwork with reasons from “But the loooooooore!” (as if the lore isn’t constantly changing and being retconned from one expansion to the next) to “Well A-C-T-U-A-L-L-Y, those male guests were just for the female nobles that visited and attended his parties, Medivh was very straight”. To that, I’m going to say: “Nah, Medivh is a bisexual icon, deal with it”.

In my personal opinion, Medivh is an excellent character to explore queerness  with. He’s a character that’s been around since Warcraft 1 and the effects and ties from his story are still felt throughout World of Warcraft in various ways. Medivh is also a character that’s gone through a large amount of evolution and various portrayals. My personal favorite being the One Night in Karazhan take on him because it’s so different from the usual ‘brooding, grand powerful hermit-mage’ that his type of character usually is. Medivh in One Night in Karazhan is instead, vibrant and is a thriving social butterfly that loves to have and treat people to a good time. His reasonings for being this way make a lot more sense when you really think about what Medivh’s situation was.

Now, I have to mention that I do a much deeper dive and deconstruction of Medivh’s circumstances and just how messed up they were in this self indulgent essay/headcanon dump: ‘My Completely Self-indulgent Medivh Essay’. Feel free to give it a read but here is the basic gist for this essay:

Yes, Medivh was the Guardian, one of the most powerful mages to exist at the time. He was also possessed by Sargeras and was the one that created and opened the Dark Portal that brought the Orcs to Azaroth and changed Azeroth forever. But here’s the thing, Medivh had no choice in any of it.

To be the Guardian means you have to put your life on the line for Azeroth’s sake. This is a role that had to be kept to secrecy, people had to make a lot of sacrifices to be the Guardian. You gain phenomenal powers and it is a great honor but none of this was anything that Medivh ever asked for. He was literally born to become the Guardian, there was no other choice for his own future. 

Then you have Sargeras, he had his plans in play long before Medivh was even a thought. A sliver of Sargeras had entered Aegwynn (Med’s mother and the Guardian before him) from a battle between Aegwynn and his avatar. This influence hid within her and made its move when she decided that she wasn’t going to allow the Council of Tirisfal to choose her heir for her title and powers for her. Ignoring Chronicle’s softening of her, she used Medivh’s father, Neilas Aran, the court magician of Stormwind to sire a child. In TLG she let him know she flat out used him and felt nothing for him then came back later and tossed baby Medivh to him for free childcare. What neither of them knew at the time was that Medivh was possessed by Sargeras while he was in the womb. Sargeras would then screw him over even further by causing his powers to lash out when he was fourteen, causing him to accidentally kill his father and fall into a near 10 year coma, and wake up mentally and emotionally fourteen in a twenty-three-year-old’s body. So from the very beginning Medivh was always set up for failure.

So with this summary out of the way, the point of the matter is that Medivh is a character that had little autonomy for most of his life. His career and his fate were chosen for him from the start. Sargeras was in his head messing with him throughout his life, in TLG Medivh even tells Khadgar that he tried to fight it as much as he could. His story is a tragic one but with his reappearance in Legion there’s potentially a ray of hope.

I think there’s a lot of aspects in Medivh’s story that can tie well with the feelings and experiences of queerness. Not so much the being possessed by discount space Satan, but more so the struggle of trying to have autonomy and hanging onto who you are as a person. Being queer myself and looking at it through that lens, I see Medivh being vibrant and throwing parties as an attempt for him to seize what autonomy he could for himself. To exist, to be seen, and to have an identity of his own that had nothing to do with being the Guardian of Tirisfal. I think that it’s also something that separates Medivh from Sargeras. There were likely times where Sargeras may have forced the lines between them to blur as he gradually poisoned Medivh’s thoughts and twisted his soul throughout the years. Medivh likely had to struggle a lot with separating who he truly was from Sargeras. This being inside him, who wasn’t him but would at times take over his body suppressing Medivh’s true self. It’s a horror story where some elements can really hit close to home.

Medivh I believe surrounded himself with like minded, free spirited people like Barnes and the theater troupe (while there’s the joke Medivh’s only seen three plays, I choose to headcanon he’s a theater kid, given how he has a theater to begin with and his own love for theatrics). Whether you picture Medivh as aro, ace, gay, bi, pan, or trans, with the upcoming changes he clearly accepts many kinds of people into his home.

This also has the interesting effect of changing some of the tones for some events in his lore. One example being the titans sending down the Maiden of Virtue to punish Medivh and make him live a more ‘pure’ life. The Titans are Azeroth’s closest thing to a pantheon of gods. They are beings of order, having taken Azeroth in her rawest form and molding her into something they saw fit. Apparently, Medivh’s parties and behavior was seen as something that required ‘correcting’.

On one hand, it’s really easy to read it simply as Medivh being a selfish, spoiled brat. But with looking at it through a queer lens one can put a more positive spin on the situation. The Maiden of Virtue was sent to shame and punish him into conforming into something the Titans believe someone like Medivh should behave. It clearly didn’t work. Looking at this situation, one can read it as Medivh refusing to relinquish his identity because a ‘higher power’ wanted him to. In the real world there are so many that have to hide their orientation and gender thanks to people using religion and belief as a cudgel. So having a character like Medivh as queer, with the power and willfulness to flat out refuse and shut it down is a refreshing power move.

Medivh’s story and the way he is in general has elements that I believe many people of the LBGTQ+ can relate with. He’s a complicated character that has dealt with abuse and being forced into roles without his consent, he made identity for himself and it was stripped away by an oppressor (Sargeras), and, depending on if Blizzard decides he’s actually resurrected/alive instead of being a ghost, is a survivor.

So to me, I love the idea of Medivh being a queer icon in Warcraft. It hasn’t been officially stated by Blizzard at the time this essay was posted but it has started a fun conversation. There are and will be the haters who will scream and tantrum about the LBGTQ+ touching their precious (when convenient) lore with their filthy paws and tarnishing ‘their game’. But in the meantime, I’m going to continue having a blast with the idea and enjoy working the story potential it gives into fanfics, speculations, and essays.

If you enjoyed this essay, I did a few other bits of meta, headcanons, and speculation for fun: My Completely Self-indulgent Medivh Essay

A Bit About Wizards and Sorcerers

Headcanons: Medivh is Alive and Currently Uses ‘The Guardian’s Study’ as his Home

[samthehyena]

Throwing my own questions right back at me, tehehehe XD Anyways, thank you for your answers to the questions Jaja!!! i loved reading through them!

Here I gooooooo!!!!

How did you get into femslash?

Probably sometime in early high school. I watched the entirety of Steven Universe, She-Ra and Adventure Time in pretty quick succession. The depictions of queer characters really resonated with me even back when I was in massive denial during my “I'm totally straight, I'm just a really good ally era”.  I suppose there's something universally human about themes of love, self acceptance, resilience and embracing one's differences that go hand in hand with shows that place a heavy emphasis on queer characters. And the WLW in SU, She-Ra and adventure time might have been what clicked with me the most in those shows - because the F/F relationships weren’t perfect in they had their ups and downs. But whether Catra and Adora were on opposites sides of a war, Bubbline and Marceline started to reconnect centuries after a nasty breakup or Ruby and Sapphire processed the revelation about pink diamond - the fact that these characters still loved and cared about each other didn't change. So that aspect of canon F/F representation in media really jumpstarted my femslash fangirling ways - because there's something so beautiful about love persisting in spite of messiness.

(Yes, I adjusted my own question when it was my turn to answer it bc I realized I didn’t answer the question properly until I’d already typed out a long paragraph XD)

2. What are your favorite femslash pairings?

From the F/F ships I grew up with probably Bubbline, Rupphire and Catradora. I also have a major soft spot for Scorfuma. 

As for more recent favorites probably Togachako and Glassheart (Descendants).

3. Which F/F rarepair(s) do you wish got more love and why?

Minaocha for sure. I adore how they are both pink and bubbly and space themed - like Minaocha sci fi aus are so fire!! Plus I find that canon lays some nice foundational elements for Minaocha shippers to work with. After all, think of a scenario in which Mina teases Ochako about her crush on Izuku because she's always blushing when Mina sees them together - but what Ochako is actually blushing bc she's always blushing when MINA is around bc Ochako has a crush on her. Seriously though, I really like how Mina teases Ochako in canon and it sets up some good dialogue and banter vibes for them. Also, I could envision a scenario in which Mina thinks of her acid quirk as dangerous and harmful but Ochako assures her that's her quirk isn't evil (*coughs in togachako pretending like I didn't draw a very similar parallel with my 2nd favorite Ochako ship*)

And most importantly they're really cute.

I could talk about rarepairs all day but I'll leave the rest of this section as is because I'll talk about Inko/Midnight later and I already made a Momomei ship manifesto post a while back.

4. What is your favorite thing about writing femslash?

I think my favorite part is how versatile femslash is, especially when it comes to the F/F ship I've written the most fics for (togachako). Whether horror, comedy, angst or fluff usually one of my favorite F/F ships fits the bill when it comes to any genre or vibe I might feel inclined to write. Like say I want to do horror… well toga has plenty of vampire vibes. And when it comes to angst the bnha characters have been through SO MUCH that there are leaps and bounds of canon material to pull from (like imagine Joke grieving the death of Midnight). When it comes to rom com vibes I can easily picture Inko/midnight and Mina/Ochako going through so many shenanigans and misunderstandings before they ultimately realize they've been pining after each other. As for fluff… after everything that's gone down in canon I’d say that togachako has more than earned some tooth rotting fluff. TRAGIC YURI WE RISE AT DAWN 😭

Also it's fun exploring themes like girlhood and fleshing out female characters who didn't get enough time to shine in canon.

5. What is your greatest challenge when writing femslash?

I think my greatest challenge when it comes to writing femslash is finding the “special sauce” to really give a fic a good hook through a fun concept. This is mostly an issue with togachako for me since after having written 33 fics tagged togachako I'm running out of ideas - because my creativity isn't bottomless and there are only some many conversation topics, character arcs and premises I can think of over a relatively short span of time. So going forward I want to give my ideas more time to cook since a lot of my femslash one shots recently have been very repetitive in their themes and execution (in a nutshell it's a lot of fluff, chatfic and water-related settings). Variety is the spice of life and I want it back ✨

6. Do you prefer reading/writing femslash one-shots or longfics?

Both I suppose. When it comes to reading my attention span is short so usually I tend to gravitate toward oneshots for F/F and fics in general. But whenever I have had the reading spoons I do enjoy picking up a meaty Togachako or Momojirou multi chap especially – it’s really nice how longer form writing allows for character arcs to be expanded on in more detail and I always love seeing subplots as well as the interpersonal relationships a given F/F pairing has with a larger cast of characters.

As for writing… let’s just say it’s chaos. I may or not may not have an unreasonable amount of incomplete multi chaps posted on AO3 (it’s 11 fics helpppp). So I long story short I love starting multi chaps since I really like writing the beginnings of stories especially and I’m actually pretty fond of writing ends but I always get kinda bored when I reach the middle. That’s when I get distracted by shiny new ideas and the cycle starts over again.

It’s okay though, I’ll probably finish some of those fics one day. I think at this point me and hopefully anyone who reads my stuff has accepted this fate. But yeah longfics are funny because I love exploring all sorts of character dynamics in them – like in my togachako longfic dabihawks are like parental figures in Himiko’s life and that’s been one of my favorite parts about writing the fic.

One shots are fun too because sometimes I like writing things that are short and sweet. I’m burned out from one shots because of fandom events though so I’m only going to focus on multi chaps for a while unless I get a spontaneous urge to write a one shot if a persistent fic idea haunts me.

7. What is your favorite/most underrated F/F fic you have written?

Probably my Inko/Midnight Bachelor AU fic. I’m pretty proud of it since it was the first long one shot I ever posted and it was written for Fic Fight so the turnaround time was really quick. Also, it was really fun exploring Inko’s POV and how she was exploring her sexuality later in life and ultimately found love and human connection even though she thought it was out of the cards for her. Plus, I really liked that the AU let me blend comedy and angst with elements ranging from Pro Hero Wash as the Bachelor to Inko experiencing comphet. And this is one of the few fics I’ve written that I can enjoy reading without getting my enjoyment bogged down by getting fixated on my writing mistakes – so I really love this one XD

8. What sort of background pairings do you like to see in fics with F/F as a main pairing?

In togachako fics I love background dabihawks. Double the hero/villain yayyyyy!!!

9. What are your favorite tropes in F/F fics?

While answering these questions, it started to dawn on me that I tend to like messy F/F pairings best. After all, Himiko has her stalkerish moments toward Ochako (which is really fun especially with how it’s recontextualized with Himiko’s themes and broader character arc), Bubblegum and Marceline are exes while Catra and Adora are fighting each other on the regular. As much as I like fics about fluffy relationships, I really like the angst and conflict that comes baked in with a lot of my fave F/F ships.

10. What tone or vibes do you prefer in femslash? Crack? Angst? Fluff? A bit of everything?

I LIKE EVERYTHING. When it comes to tone in F/F fics I read everything from Crack Treated Seriously to angst to fluff to some really kinky stuff. What I like best of all though is a tonal blend between angst and comedy since those tones balance out each other well – it helps emphasize the gravity of the situations the characters are going through while also sprinkling in moments of levity. My own writing most often falls under the “Crack Treated Seriously” umbrella – I always commit to the bit and play it serious because honestly that’s just more fun and seems more true to myself. But yeah, I love writing the sillies (with angst as a little treat). 

11. Are there any specific fics that inspired you to write a specific fic or even femslash in general?

Yes!!! It was “Swan Dive” by SilverMistAnimeLover that inspired me to write my first F/F fic. In "Swan Dive" there was background Inko/Midnight but Inko died before Midnight could propose. So I was determined to write an AU in which they were happy together. Then one night my roommate and I were talking about how good the thief/cop trope was and then I realized… Midnight gives cat burglar jewel thief energy and Inko deserves to be a BAMF detective. So that was my first ever femslash fic I wrote! 

And although the Inko/Midnight in “Swan Dive” was fairly minor it really had my gears turning over how fruitful a pairing InkNight is. Inko has a sense of earnestness to her and I love how hard she’s trying even though she stumbles and makes mistakes along the way. Meanwhile, Midnight has a sense of confidence that is really infectious and I feel like she’d help Inko get out of her shell. And on the flipside I feel like Inko’s sense of earnestness and compassion would help Nemuri feel more humanized and step out of role as a celebrity in a world where she is constantly in the limelight. So I love how they have the potential to bring out the best in each other – plus, it’s also amusing for Inko to be dating one of Izuku’s teachers :DDD

Also, I’d like to rec J+M a really fun Momojirou fic about fanfic. It was the first F/F fic I read in the BNHA fandom and it opened my eyes to the fact that there ARE femslash fics in this M/M dominated fandom – I just had to look harder.

12. Are there any specific F/F WIPs you are working on or ideas you’ve cooked up that you’re especially excited about?

Yes, I’ve got 3 I’m hyped about!

There’s Dear Google, is my girlfriend a vampire? – a long convoluted togachako chatfic I started writing/posting on a whim in August 2023. I don’t even know how to describe it since it’s kind of gotten away from me – but it was LOV found family, conspiracies, comedic misunderstandings, a weed arc, parental dabihawks and so much more. Anyways, I recently wrapped up the part when Ochako found out that Himiko murdered a middle school classmate and she accepted Himiko anyway. I’m looking forward to getting into some more LOV found family and possibly some todoroki family drama in the upcoming chapters.

Secondly, there’s Knee Deep In the Passenger Seat – which is a post canon fic in which Ochako is in a situationship but still can’t get over Toga. It’s been pushing me out of my comfort zone since I only rarely write a fic that’s mostly angst let alone something rated E. But this has been a very fun adventure as my first NSFW multi chap and I’ve really been loving the identity shenanigans. I think I’ll only need 3 more chapters to finish the story??? I’m most looking forward to writing the “Akabane” (that’s totally not Himiko in disguise) POV chapter :DDD

I also am tentatively working on a Descendants 4 fic called Walk In Another’s (Glass) Shoes that will essentially be a canon rewrite featuring comphet, hopeless pining, fleshing out the character arcs a bit more that in the original movie and adding the theme of “you can’t change the past but you can change how you perceive it and process it”. So fun stuff!! 

13. Any fic recs?

I'll go digging through my bookmarks later bc I have lot's of good recs there. I just have fallen a bit behind on schoolwork lol so I'll do it later.

femslash writer/artist interview

I’m trying to get back into interviewer mode for one of my jobs and classes, so I decided to make a (hopefully) fun little game. Feel free to reblog, tag ppl and answer as few or as many of the questions as u want. And feel free to tailor the questions to make them more applicable to u

How did you get into reading/writing/drawing femslash?

What are your favorite femslash ships?

Which F/F rarepair(s) do you wish got more love and why?

What is your favorite thing about drawing/writing femslash?

What is your greatest challenge when drawing/writing femslash?

Do you prefer reading/writing femslash one-shots or longfics?

What is your favorite/most underrated F/F fic you have written or F/F thing you've drawn?

What sort of background pairings do you like to see in fics with F/F as a main pairing?

What are your favorite tropes in F/F fics?

What tone or vibes do you prefer in femslash fics? Crack? Angst? Fluff? A bit of everything?

Are there any specific fics or other forms of media that inspired you to write/draw for a specific ship?

Are there any specific F/F WIPs you are working on or ideas you’ve cooked up that you’re especially excited about?

Any fic recs?

@pianogav1n @jajalala @vriska @linkyychan @thisisej