#fun fact just the view of nature can help with mental health

[justalittleobsessedhere]

Coming Out -- Nick vs. Charlie

One of the central conflicts in season 2 was coming out as a couple, a little for Nick, but mostly for Charlie.

[NOTE: Before I get too deep into this, I'm going to start with one big note. I get that Charlie is 15 and hasn't processed trauma, which shapes his responses and utterly colors his ability to cope and provide objective support to Nick. All of my observations are written with that understanding in mind.]

From the start, Charlie overlays his being outed experience on top of Nick's coming out plans. He wants Nick to have the perfect experience Charlie likely hoped to have for himself. His entire narrative for Nick is based on his perspective about what coming out should be, and Charlie never stops to talk to Nick about what his reasoning and expectations are.

Charlie was outed. Nick wants to come out.

For Nick, the struggle is how hard it is to start saying the word "boyfriend". I get it. Even with the closest friends and family, starting that conversation feels awkward. It feels like you're trying to drive the conversation in a way to make the declaration seem natural. Then when it's time to actually say it, the words feel like rocks sitting in your throat. Your heart is pounding. You get tunnel vision and lose track of everything around you. In the end, though, most of all, it's your choice about the when, who, and why of coming out. Eventually, when enough people know, it slowly trickles into the collective knowledge and just becomes a known part of you. You have a bit more time to get used to it.

For Charlie, his sexual orientation spread like wildfire throughout a school that found him a fun bit of gossip. It seems like he had just started to introduce this part of him to his closest friends when the gossip mill and bullies took his autonomy from him. It became a fun thing to talk about. It became ammunition for the meanest of people. His identity of being gay became the number one fact about him as opposed to one part of who he is.

Nick wants to come out as being with Charlie. Charlie views Nick's coming out as a personal journey where he supports Nick.

Nick eventually becomes comfortable with his own sexual identity and is ready to share that with people, but what he wants more is for Charlie to be able to tell people that they are together. He wants to tell the world he is with Charlie. Nick's focus is on what keeping their relationship secret has done to Charlie and constantly compares this to how Ben mistreated Charlie. He wants to repay the support and patience Charlie gave him while he was figuring everything out. Somehow the desire to tell people who matter morphed into telling everyone. He sees coming out as a way to help Charlie get over his past. To be the anti-Ben, he needs to be loud and open about his relationship with Charlie.

Charlie sees his role as protecting Nick as he comes out as bisexual. He's there to provide love and support to Nick and reassurances about how well he's doing. He's so focused on making sure that what happened to him -- bullying, gossip, deterioration of mental health --doesn't happen to Nick that he doesn't see the way Nick feels he's failing Charlie by not being able to come out. His focus on this being a personal journey for Nick misses Nick's real reason for wanting to tell people.

Nick and Charlie are not the same person.

They are clearly two different people, but more importantly, they've had two completely different school and life experiences.

Nick is popular and known by the school. He commands the respect of his rugby team and many of the guys in his friend group. Nick has gained some resilience from his semi-estranged relationship with his father and from having a dick of a brother.

Charlie is part of a group -- nay TRIO of borderline outcasts. If anyone in the school knew him before being outed, it was likely for his nerdiness. As harsh as his mom can seem, for the most part, he has both his parents around, trying to make sure he has what he needs to succeed in life. Charlie also has the loving protection of a pretty scary older sister.

The school's reaction to Nick's bisexuality would be significantly different than Charlie being gay. It wouldn't be easy, but it likely would be easier for Nick. People respond differently to Nick in general, so they would respond differently to Nick coming out. Charlie can't pull himself out of his own experience to see that. In his mind, if it happened to him, then it would definitely happen to Nick. Charlie also fails to see the trail he blazed in normalizing LGBTQ+ presence at Truham because he doesn't have the confidence to see how much influence for good he can have.

Not on the Same Page.

Most of the stress Nick feels is because of his concern for Charlie. Harry picked on Charlie because Nick started hanging out with Charlie. In Paris, Charlie bears the brunt of the mocking and teasing when Nick gives him a hickey. Nick feels he is breaking a promise to Charlie to come out when he can't say something as simple as "because Charlie and I are dating."

If Nick were able to focus on coming out as Charlie's boyfriend, his journey would would so much easier. He's a person who cares about other people -- cares about CHARLIE. He's where he is because of Charlie, and he absolutely loves that. What motivates people is different, and Nick's motivation is Charlie. Charlie misses this. Because he's so focused on "the perfect coming out" and because he believes still that there is something wrong with him, Charlie can't fathom that Nick would want his coming out centered on his relationship with Charlie.

The first time Charlie witnesses Nick talking about his bisexuality with someone else was when Nick's brother comes in to interrogate him. Everything about that interaction has the vibes of when Charlie was outed. David is snide and mean. He's homophobic. He's an outright bully, and this engagement leads to a huge yelling match in the Nelson household. Everything Charlie wanted to avoid for Nick.

But, Charlie wasn't there when Nick came out to Imogen. She started the conversation by raising Charlie, but Nick concluded it with his sexuality. It was easier to start by first talking about his relationship with Charlie and then centering the conversation on Nick from there.

And, Charlie wasn't there the first time Nick came out -- he started the conversation with his mom, "You know Charlie is my best friend..."

It's always been about Charlie.

[acorpsecalledcorva]

What's something you've been enjoying thinking about recently? Could be DID/system-related or not, whatever sounds fun to answer.

I made a post about it before but was talking to wife about it again last night. The fact that in the 18th and 19th century the study of dissociation, or auto-hypnotic ability, was this huge broad category of medicine, psychology, physics, and spirituality that branched off and began to specialise. Mesmerism, hysteria, Spiritism, and Psychoanalysis were all knocking on different doors to the same house and in Europe, Freud won with his bullshit fantasy model, but in Brazil, Spiritism really took hold.

To the point where there are Spiritist Hospitals that along with psychiatrists and nurses employ mediums that tell you if your mental health ailment could be due to spirits hanging around from past life trauma and help you to release them. Like the "symptoms are not explained by cultural practices such as mediumship" in the DSM for psychiatric disorders is there in part because mediumship is so prevalent and largely harmless (if not actually beneficial) in Brazilian culture.

Like, if you wanna get all purely scientific then you can explain it as traumatic events getting warped by the autohypnotic brain into something that seems like it happened to someone else in a past life which makes it easier to process in a similar way to how IFS asks you to distance yourself from your parts so that you may be your most helpful self in resolving internal conflict, but I do wonder what the world would have been like if Freud hadn't abandoned dissociation as a model and instead developed it to incorporate the strange way in which traumatic memory can present in some patients.

Would we have have explored the dissociative ability of the healthy mind? Understood how hysteria and the placebo effect really worked? Discovered endogenic plurality as a genuine psychological model? Or even developed more accepted spiritual models of Psychotherapy? I mean like half of my therapists have had spiritual beliefs but it's always discussed in a hushed tone like "oh you're a friend of Glenda Goodwitch too?" We know that culture can have a strong influence on how a mental health condition can present, and I don't think it's very helpful to try and view those presentations through a western lens, they're their own thing, but we can imagine how our own lens might have been different.

I dunno, I guess I just wonder if we're denying some core aspect of human nature when we try to be completely scientific sans spiritual, if we have been wholly rejecting techniques that have worked for centuries or millennia on the basis of being spiritual instead of being curious about their real world practical uses.

What was that scene in Contact? Where Matthew Mchorbalorba asked Jodie Forrester if she believed in God because 96% of the population believes in one God or another so it would be very misrepresentative to send an atheist to go meet sky daddy

[olderthannetfic]

Sorry in advance for treating this like ‘Dear Abby’ but I am in need of some advice from a Queer Adult TM…

So, I have this friend who I’ve known for about ten years now. We’re seventeen right now, so let’s just say we went through allllll the phases together. We realized we were queer together, we had our first fandom experiences together (they were actually the person who introduced me to fanfic, which I’m really grateful for, because ever since it has been an integral part of my life), we were DeviantArt furry artists together circa 2016, it was a lot of embarrassing but also fun times. We are also both… and quite mentally ill and it was nice to have someone to help me through the worst bits (when I didn’t have access to therapy or meds) and how I could help them in return.

Lately (maybe over the past 2 years?) we’ve been drifting apart. I think it has a lot to do with the fact we don’t have many common interests anymore (they stopped caring about mine, and stopped sharing theirs with me), but we still do a lot together. They’re my coworker, a member of my ttrpg group, etc. etc.. Due to social anxiety they were my only friend for many years but now I have a few more, so I don’t mind not being as close to them (and I dislike putting the burden of me being reliant/clingy on them). However, they’ve recently been making it harder and harder for me to keep that friendship.

They smoke weed, get shitty stick and pokes, binge energy drinks and shoplift. I don’t have any moral issue with any of those things, but it’s concerning to me because I know they are not in the the right headspace to make those decisions about substances (and the rest). We have both struggled with mental illness, self-harm, and eating disorders. Part of the reason I drifted away from them is because they have no filter and “vent” about their problems to the point where it is very triggering to me (especially in terms of sh and ed). I don’t mind lending an ear but I also have boundaries that I put in place for myself… But yeah, even though they have access to treatment it seems not to be working, or there’s something hindering it. It really hurts to see them in such a bad place because we started out in similar places in regards to our mental health and now that I’m in a better place, they’re not.

I genuinely love and care about this person, but it’s so hard to help them when they shut down every form of help I + the rest of our mutual friends can offer. They’re very manipulative, I would like to think without meaning to, to the point where they twist my words around (for example, recently they did something extremely inappropriate and when I told them I was concerned for their well-being, they said they were sorry for making me “uncomfortable”). They’re also one of those people that plays oppression Olympics, and insists their parents are homophobic and tried to send them to conversion therapy— I know their parents very well, they are literal leftists who have pride flags in their front yard, campaign for politicians that support queer and trans rights, and attend one of the only completely gay-friendly and supporting churches in the area. But the way they talk about them causes other people to dislike them and think they’re homophobic, which they have noticed. I think it’s cruel to them, and also symptomatic of a larger problem that my friend has— they don’t seem to understand that their actions and words have consequences for other people.

I guess what I wanted to ask was: is it worth cutting this person off? I have a feeling that we were naturally grow even farther apart as we go to university, because our values are very different… They’re an anti, I’m not, they have a very surface-level views of politics and believe everything they read in Instagram infographics, I don’t. I don’t consider myself very mature, but they look very immature next to me. Besides, being around them often ends up negatively impacting me as well. However, I worry that cutting them off will makes things worse for them. I don’t want to see them get even more hurt. My confrontations haven’t been doing anything, but maybe they’ll come to their senses eventually.

I really don’t know what to do in this situation, but I’d appreciate any advice from anyone willing to offer it.

--

Since you're about to go off to college, I'd let the friendship naturally fade.

It's not your job to save this person, and I do think you need to get away from them since they don't seem to be making an effort. But since you're naturally drifting away anyway, I don't think having a big, dramatic friend breakup will help anything.

On another note, everyone should have a moral objection to shoplifting. Not only is it dishonest and a sign that something is fucking wrong with you to shoplift, but shoplifters directly hurt retail peons who will get their pay cut as a result of store losses.

People who do this aren't sticking it to the man. They're parasites who hurt other nobodies.

The fact that a lot of teens (American teens?) think this disgraceful behavior is normal enrages me.

[yslsevy]

Virtual Sketchbook Section 1

Discussion 1:  Hello, my name is Yves Feron. In the future I plan on working as an attorney. I would specifically like working in immigration. I am dual enrolled and will be hoping to graduate with my A.A. as well as my high school diploma. A fact about me is that I love drawing, but right now I will say I am on an artist block. I usually take large breaks in between drawing. And then randomly I have the urge to draw out of nowhere.

(Music, Pink and Blue No. 2 by Georgia O’Keeffe in 1918)

The names of O’Keeffe’s paintings are in reference to music, which points to the connections between the visual and the aural. 

Georgia O’Keeffe with idea of music being translated into something for the eye. 

The paint lines and colors all suggest and are inspired by the rhythms and harmonies O’Keeffe perceived in nature and was painted during her exploration of abstraction. 

This artist, in her century, was often misunderstood as people misinterpreted her artwork as psychological depictions of her sexuality, when in reality it was heavily inspired by nature. 

The painting Pink and Blue No. 2 was one of the paintings that helped O’Keeffe gain recognition in the abstract expressionist movement.

I initially thought of this painting as one of those stereotypical artworks that be called technical. I personally don’’t thinks much of the meaning behind it. Afterwords, learning the context of the painting really helped me understand it. Now I think it as a calm depiction of nature because the artist uses soft colors and soft paint lines to make what similarly to maybe a rose in my eyes.

Select a work of art from your life. It must be something that hangs in your house or your room, something that is important to you or that you look at everyday. Include a picture. In paragraph form (4 sentences), tell me about the art – what media were used to create it? What use does it serve? Do you think it is beautiful? Why?

(By: Yves Feron)

This artwork is currently hanged up in my room made on a whiteboard which is erasable and can change at anytime. I use this as a decorative piece in my room, but also it represents a new era in my life. It includes my name and for some reason I always put the alphabet at the bottom. It’s a tradition I do for myself, which I think is is beautiful because it is supposed to be a drawing of me. 

What “baggage” are you bringing along when you look at art? Answer the following questions – How old are you? What is the gender you primarily align with? Where are you from? What is your ethnicity? What do you do for fun? Are you a member of any organized group? Where do you work? What makes you uniquely you? This helps us see from what exact point in the world we view and receive visual information.

I am an 18-year-old female and have lived in Florida all my life, however I was born in the Virgin Islands. I am Black or more specifically Haitian American. I love watching the reality TV Love Island (UK). Their accents make the drama on the show more entertaining. I do volunteer at different places, such as Healthy Teens, which train teenagers to advocates against drugs and alcohol and educates other teens and younger on issues they may deal with on a day-to-day basis. I think my name makes me very unique. I’ve never met anyone else, besides the brand name Yves Saint Laurent, who has my name. Through the information given about me, I believe the baggage I carry when looking at art is trying to take all pieces seriously. Unless the art is easy to understand, I’m more likely to just look at it, rather than appreciate the work the artist put into it. It may be my age and how I don’t really have the patience that comes with age. Also, I tend to take things that affect me or my friends more serious. An example is vaping or mental health which I spend time every week to work against, or even advocating for minorities like me. I tend to not venture out into stuff I do not know about.  SELF PORTRAIT

(By: Yves Feron)

[hopelesslyinlovegirl]

Encapsulating my female rage.

As promised in my last work published in english, today I have the honor to bring to you my post on beauty and body dysmorphia.

I must be sincere with my dearest followers, that have been reading my texts for a while now. This is not the text that I was planning to write.

I was planning more on doing an intent of a philosophical essay. Explaining beauty and body dysmorphia in views of philosophical aestheticism, my own experiences and some statistics that i have recolected.

But honestly, at this point I can´t take it anymore. I must get it out of my chest, because i´m going to explode. Because, today, this writer writes in a feeling that she hasn´t written, ever.

Today, excuse my professionalism exabrupt, i´m fucking mad. And fucking tired, too.

So, that said, this text will be an experiment. I´m going to encapsulate my rage against society, how it treats women and to myself because, in which planet a writer is a writer without hating themselves a little?

And, yes, there will be no beta read. We die on this hill and we move on. Though, I´m probably still doing my essay. But at that point in time, this text will be just another part of the bibliography consulted for my own essay.

Some statistics that i feel i need to throw here for context:

° Argentina is the second country with most diagnosed EDs in the world for women. 1 out of 3 women in my country experiences or will experience an ED.

° For men, we are in the first place of ED. Yes,our mental health is fucked.

But, let me take you real quick from those statistics to reality. I graduated high school last year, in December. In my social studies promotion, there was 21 women. Statistically, in my class there should have been 6 women with eating disorders. I know for sure of about four cases of ED in that class. And one more that I am still not sure.

Is that the worst part? absolutely fucking not. It´s the fact that me, a woman who does not have an ED, still got fucked in terms of eating. I would think how thin I looked and go "what if I dont eat and look skinny and pretty for the rest of the day" "no meal tastes as good as skinny feels". I once even dreamed that I was fat and needed to lose weight, and that in order to do that I stopped eating. And, in my dream I would feel lighter and lighter because I was not eating. And I was pretty.

That´s what the whole thing is about. In Argentina, to be pretty you have to be skinny. A fat woman never in a million years will be considered pretty here, even if your face is stunning. Or, in philosophical terms, a fat woman will never be object of the aesthetics experience.

Now, when you are skinny comes the next thing. Having a pretty face. That´s where I mess up. My nose is big and does not make sense, my eyes are small, my lips are thin and my teeth are not perfectly white and straight.

And writing this I have this powerful thought in the back of my mind. I want a rinoplasthy. I want it so bad, so now. Because I cannot keep looking at other women, at what attentions they get because they are pretty.

I cannot help but feel, each and every time that i see a woman post a picture on twitter that she´s stunning. That I would love to look like that. I would like my tits to be bigger or my ass to have more shape or whatever stupid thing I find in that woman that I don´t have and that I want.

So, naturally, I can´t post a pic on twitter without feeling like I look fat. That my nose is fucking ugly, why it has to be like that? No, i´m insane. Everyone will make fun of me if I do a face reveal. Just keep it like that.

And the other insane thing that happens is that when I´m around with people that are pretty according to beauty standards, they get privilege. People treat them nicer. They speak with them. They gift them things. They get their bus ticket payed if they don´t have money.

I don´t have those attentions by myself. Never, in a million years, I will have them. And I want them.

But, you know what? this isn´t even the worst thing yet. I feel like what i´m doing is just a path of awful things that keep getting worse every time you read more.

No, the worst thing is this. When you understand that in society you are not deemed pretty, and, by that, you are less valued what you do is pursue something that compensates.

And I pursued academic intelligence. Because, that is all at what I´m good at. Getting good grades. And reading academic research when everybody goes to have fun. And learn of a bunch of niche topics because i´m bored and I do it as a hobby, that then I have no one to talk about them.

Sure, probably this will be benefitial for my economy some years from now. But, I don´t care about future. I care about now.

I didn´t go for funny, witty, a PERSONALITY. I chose to have an old academic soul in a body of an eighteen years old girl. Which, for dating and boys is not very useful.

I am not funny, I don´t have a big personality. I´m an introvert, I´m shy and I honestly don´t know how I have friends given those conditions, but hey,good thing at least.

And this is what I am most scared of. Because now that I am being pursued, eventually he will find this out. I am a boring woman to date.

Well, that´s kind of dramatic. Sorry, like I said my feelings are just pouring as I type agressively on my laptop.

I think I´m datable, but in my own standards. Like, I´m not that bad. At all. Sometimes I do have one or two funny outcomes and when I´m in confidence I talk a lot, I can make conversation even about the flooring.

The thing is, that is not the standard of most people. That is mine. And I am pretty sure that, is not the standard of my candidate.

So, I could argue that what I am afraid of is that he will be totally dissapointed if we have a date. And he will ghost me. And, just then, I will have lost a possible boyfriend.

You know what fuck that. If he doesn´t aprecciate it I will have someone who does. I hope he does appreciate me because the least I need now is another romantic dissapointment, but I will not die.

Or yes, maybe I will die if he is dissapointed.

God, I hate craving a man´s validation.

Anyway, that is it. Remember this does not have a beta read, so the grammar and the spelling probably suck. I apologize for that, and for the non classic text that I just made. I know that you are used to my pompous words and phrases. But today rage blinded me. And, as a writer, I could not waste an opportunity to express it. I needed this experiment.

Thank you for being here.

----

May 21st, 2023. 02:10. Buenos Aires, Argentina.

741 words.

[steadywonderlandbird]

10 Reason to keep fish:

1.Fish Are Easy to Care For

Fish are independent pets. They do not need to be entertained or walked each day. As a matter of fact, they entertain us.

You do not have to worry about your fish suffering from anxiety after leaving them alone in the house for a whole day. In addition, if you need to be away for a while, all you need is a person to ensure they are fed and the aquarium is clean. Fish are easy to take care for.

You will only need a few minutes to feed them each day and at least half an hour per week to change the water in the aquarium or to clean the tank.

2. Well Maintained Fish Tanks do Not Smell

There has been a myth that fish tanks can have a foul smell. Well, that is true if you do not maintain your tank. A neglected fish tank will have green water resulting from growing algae, and cloudy slimy water.

A well maintained fish tank, on the other hand, will have clear water that allows you to enjoy the view of your fish with no accompanied odour or smell. To maintain your aquarium, you will need equipment such as water filter to clean the water, and a regular tank cleaning and water change schedule.

With a good working filter, you do not have to worry about the fish’s organic waste too.

3. Aquariums Look Good

This is the main reason why people keep aquariums in their houses. Aquariums are aesthetically pleasing and they make a room look attractive. Fish also come in different varieties, species, colors, shapes and sizes.

They also make the aquarium to look colorful and lively. Keeping an aquarium in your house will promote feelings of serenity and peacefulness. An aquarium adds life and make a house or office help you to connect with nature. Fish pets are also good conversation starters.

Ever had visitors in your house but did not know what to talk about? Having an aquarium in your house will raise eyebrows in admiration and curiosity leading to a great conversation start up.

4. Most Aquariums are Low Maintenance

Aquariums are low maintenance compared to other pets. With a fish, you do not have to worry about acquiring a pee mat, grooming equipment such as brushing the dog’s teeth or training your pet to use the washroom.

For the aquarium, once you buy the aquarium, water filter, thermometer, water pump or any other equipment, you can be sure they will last long and you do not need to go to the shop now and then to replace them.

Cleaning an aquarium and changing the water is also not a task you are required to do daily. On average, you will only need a few minutes to confirm the water quality is okay for your fish and all other equipment are functioning normally.

5. Fish are Fun to Watch

Watching fish as they swim in the aquarium fun to watch. Fish are active pets, they spend their day interacting with their tank mates, digging the aquarium’s substrate or swimming from end of the aquarium to the other in pure curiosity. Sometimes, the fish interact with the people near the tank.

Apart from being fun to watch, they are also therapeutic. This is the reason why many doctors, therapists and dentists have aquariums in their waiting rooms. Keeping fish or just watching them for a short time has plenty of health benefits.

The major health benefits associated with watching fish include reducing blood pressure, reducing heart rate, reducing stress, reducing disruptive behaviours and improve eating habits. Watching fish brings and restores a state of mental calmness and brings a form serenity.

6. Most Fish are Not Expensive

Compared to other pets, fish are less expensive to keep. The cost of buying one small fish cannot be compared with the cost of buying a young dog or cat.

Their food is also not expensive as compared to the cost of buying food for other pets.

Fish will only need small portions of food each day. However, the cost and maintenance depends on the type of fish that you decide to keep.

The fancier the fish you buy, the more expensive it is to maintain and take care for.

7. Fish are Quiet

Fish are quiet pets. There will be no day they will make any sound, ever. Unlike other pets such as cats and dogs that can be loud at an inconvenient time, such as at night disrupting your sleep, fish will always remain quiet in the aquarium.

Fish are therefore suitable for young families and offices. They will not growl or bark at your visitors or cause a scene with loud and angry voices. If you love a quiet and calm environment in the house, then you should consider keeping fish as pets. The loudest noise that comes with fish keeping is actually from the equipment such as filter and water pump and not the fish themselves.

However, with modern technology, most of these equipment are reasonably quiet. On the other hand though, if you forget to feed your fish, they will not make sounds to remind you. Therefore you will need to create a reminder system.

8. You can Choose from a Range of Species

Fish are available in different varieties, species, shape, size and colour. You can choose a fish pet that you like from the different available varieties.

You can also choose to keep different species in your aquarium to add more colour and vibrancy. However, make sure the fish are compatible to avoid cases of bullying and aggression in the aquarium.

There are fish that are easier to keep and maintain for beginners, as you gain expertise, you can advance to fish that require more attention and care.

9. Most Fish are Playful

Just like dogs that are loyal and friendly to the owner, fish are also playful and some of them poses some very interesting personalities including the capability to recognize their owner.

It is just hard to tell if a fish is being friendly or just going about their business because there is a glass wall separating people and the fish. However, you can teach your fish to do some fun basic fish tricks like, playing soccer, following your finger, swimming through a loop, eating from your hand, jumping out of the water or coming to the surface of the aquarium to be petted.

Training and playing with your pet fish will lighten your mood and reduce stress levels.

Fish will also teach your children on how to be responsible and the importance of taking care of living things. As they feed, take care and maintain the aquarium, they will learn valuable skills.

10. Fish do Not Make Your Home Dirty

Keeping fish as a pet, you do not have to worry that they will pee on your carpet, or leave traces of fur on your upholstery, or have to clean up their toys after playing. A fish is confined in the aquarium.

The only cleaning you will need to do is in the aquarium. Cleaning an aquarium is not a daily task. You can schedule to clean and change the water in your aquarium after two weeks.

However, it is important for you to understand that fish keeping is not always fun and games. You will need to pay more attention to your fish, especially as a new aquarist.

Be ready to handle some major drawbacks such as algae, health problems, few known fish veterinarian, cleaning the aquarium, cost of medicine and on the worst case, sadness when the fish dies.

Wrapping Up

Keeping fish as a pet comes with many health benefits for instance reducing stress. They are also relatively cheaper, easier to take care for compared to other pet options, do not take up much space and they do not make much mess.

Once you get started, you will always wonder why you had not discovered fish pets before. It is like exploring a new dimension of life. Learning more about fish, communicating with other people about your new hobby and enjoying watching your new finned friend swim up and down the aquarium.

[brick-a-doodle-do]

For the ask game

7 35 and 43

7 : how do you choose which pov to write from?

usually i don't and it just chooses it for itself. when i make an idea and jot it down i usually make sure to pick out characters and their roles, so i naturally have a protagonist and side characters and occasionally an antagonist. picking those really depends on the character and how i think that they'd react to a certain scenario. i may see tommy being more chaotically ambitious than wilbur who would maybe seek someone out to help verbally or set off but fail terribly, or techno who would plan usually to a tea. it just depends heavily on canon personalities. watching lore has really helped with my perception of the server

35 : what is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain? 

honestly dream smp has changed my opinion on villains. i don't want to sound like "oh i'm so different 🥺" but i like seeing villains as who they are. just lift up their skin to see what trauma can be packed in there. the dsmp helped with that because of all of the lovely analysis people and the different point of views we get to have. i don't really write villains that much cause. well idk the relationships between people i write such as discduo isn't as like....daunting as it seems on the surface. even in exile (excusing the fact that dream was the only one to show up and tommy was definitely experiencing stockholm syndrome) the two laugh and have a good time. there's always something to break the mood, and i like having that in mind.

there comes a point between two rivals where they know each other better than anyone, like the relationship between vee and red on oitnb or like i mentioned discduo. so i like keeping that in mind on the rare occasion that i do write villains. everyone has the capability to get along if they really wanted to. (villains are literally my favorite people ever they are so complex and i will adore them until i die)

43 : do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "if you hurt them i would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

*cough cough* uHHMMM i love writing bad mental health or overwhelming scenarios or panic attacks or anything just mental cause it's really fun to mess with reality and have text kind of play with visuals into someone's mind. any kind of psychological torture i love writing :)

ask game !!

[butternutrisotto]

4/30

Since I was a little kid, I am probably claiming myself as early bird aka morning person. No matter how late I go to sleep at night, I’m always able to wake up early in the morning. Fun fact: I never late to go to school or my workplace just because I’m a morning person. Sometimes I wonder how does it feel to become a person who’s always late? But at the end I think it’s better to be an early bird cause I can prepare myself well before I do something.

So, here’s the thing: there are gonna be some pros and cons of being an early bird and I’m gonna share about being the night owl too. Well, this is just for fun and it’s from my point of view so I hope it’ll be really helpful for you to read. :)

—

Early Bird (Morning Person)

Pros:

Productivity: Early risers often find they have more productive mornings as they can start their tasks with a fresh mind and fewer distractions.

Consistency: A regular sleep schedule is easier to maintain, leading to better overall health and well-being.

Better Alignment with Society: Many societal structures (workplaces, schools, etc.) operate on a morning schedule, making it easier for early birds to fit in.

Health Benefits: Studies suggest early risers may have better mental health, lower stress levels, and reduced risk of depression.

Natural Light Exposure: Increased exposure to natural light can improve mood, energy levels, and vitamin D synthesis.

Cons:

Social Limitations: Early bedtimes can limit evening social activities, leading to potential social isolation.

Fatigue: If early risers don’t get enough sleep, they can experience fatigue throughout the day.

Limited Night Time Activities: Some leisure activities and events happen at night, which might be challenging for early birds to attend.

Nocturnal (Night Owl)

Pros:

Creativity and Focus: Many nocturnal individuals report heightened creativity and focus during the night when there are fewer distractions.

Flexible Schedule: Night owls can often work around their own schedules, especially if their profession allows for flexibility.

Peace and Quiet: The nighttime often provides a quieter environment, which can be beneficial for tasks requiring concentration.

Social Opportunities: Night owls can participate in more evening and nighttime social activities and events.

Cons:

Misalignment with Society: Many workplaces and social activities operate on a morning schedule, making it difficult for night owls to fit in.

Health Risks: Irregular sleep patterns and lack of exposure to natural light can contribute to health issues such as sleep disorders, depression, and cardiovascular problems.

Family and Social Conflicts: Different sleep schedules can lead to conflicts with family and friends who are early risers.

—

Early birds tend to align better with societal norms and benefit from a structured, consistent schedule, which can enhance productivity and overall health. However, they may miss out on nighttime social activities and need to ensure they get adequate rest.

Night owls often thrive in quieter, distraction-free environments and may experience heightened creativity at night. However, they can face challenges aligning with societal schedules and might encounter health issues due to irregular sleep patterns.

Ultimately, the choice between being an early bird or a night owl depends on personal preferences, lifestyle, and the specific demands of one's daily life.

[brighteduworld2]

Ten Activities for Improving Your Mental Health

The National Exit Test for MBBS, or NEXT, will likely start in December 2023. The exam will take the place of the FMGE and NEET PG tests for admission to postgraduate programs. Learn more about NEXT for MBBS by reading.

To maintain your balance or find it again, use these suggestions.

1. Treat yourself with care and respect, and refrain from criticizing yourself. Consider expanding your horizons or scheduling more of your favorite pursuits and activities. Do a crossword puzzle every day, start a garden, learn to dance, pick up an instrument, or master a foreign language.

2. Look after your body: Looking after your body might help with your mental health. Ensure you:

 * Eat healthy meals

* refrain from smoking and vaping; consult Quit Help; drink lots of water

* Eat healthy meals

* Get adequate rest. Lack of sleep, according to researchers, is a factor in the high occurrence of depression among college students.

3. Surround yourself with positive people:

Those who have supportive social or familial ties tend to be in better physical and mental health than those who don't. Plan events with empathetic family members and friends, or look for opportunities to socialise with new people at a club, class, or support group.

4. Give of yourself: Invest your time and efforts into helping others. You'll feel good knowing that you've made a real difference in the life of someone else, and it's a fantastic way to make new friends. For suggestions, check out Fun and Cheap Things to Do in Ann Arbor.

5. Develop coping mechanisms for stress: Whether we like it or not, stress is a fact of life. Practice healthy coping mechanisms by using Tai Chi, One-Minute Stress Strategies, exercise, nature walks, pet play, or journal writing as a stress reliever. Also, don't forget to laugh and find the funny in everything. According to studies, laughing can improve your immune system, lower stress, relax your body, and lessen discomfort.

6. Calm your mind: Try mindfulness exercises, meditation, or prayer. Prayer and relaxation techniques can enhance your mental health and view on life. In fact, studies suggest that meditation may promote calmness and boost the benefits of therapy. See spiritual resources on Personal Well-being for Students to connect.

7. Establish attainable goals. Decide what you want to accomplish academically, professionally, and personally. Then, identify the measures you must take to get there. Aim high, yet remain grounded and avoid over-committing. As you go closer to your objective, you'll experience a fantastic sense of pride in yourself. You can set goals and maintain them with the free wellness coaching available to the University of Michigan students.

8. Break up the monotony: Routines increase our productivity and give us a sense of comfort and safety, but a little change of pace can liven up a dreary schedule. Change up your jogging routine, make travel plans, go for a stroll in a different park, hang some new art, or try a new eatery. For further suggestions, see Rejuvenation 101.

9. Refrain from using alcohol and other drugs: Refrain from using alcohol and other drugs. Alcohol and other drugs are occasionally used as "self-medication," but in actuality, they just make issues worse. To learn more, go to Alcohol and Other Drugs.

10. Ask for assistance when you need it: Asking for assistance is a show of strength, not weakness. Additionally, it's crucial to keep in mind that treatment works. When given the right care, people can overcome their addictions and mental illnesses and enjoy fulfilling lives. Campus and local resources are listed under Resources for Stress and Mental Health.

On the home page of MCI approved foreign medical colleges websites, legitimate institutions prominently advertise their accreditation number and status; this is not the case with counterfeit universities. Check the status of the institute by logging into the MCI website.

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

wait also NOTE: i fucking LOVE that there is such a growing group of rep now, like u said podcasts (i.e. tma the beloved??? or at least the fandom idk??? where did the poc fanart come from like is that canon is it hcs) and like COMICS (like squire and the well etc!!!) and just. SO many things dude!!!! and los espookys as well!!!! it's just so cool that there are so many things now

Yes!!! Things are happening I am so excited for the future!!!

Steven Universe trailblazer? hmm

[punkpandapatrixk]

Note: pick a pic that pulls you the strongest; don't choose based on member😆

[Back to Masterlist]

Pile 1 - Comfort from Past Life Incarnations

Queen of Cups (Rx), 7 of Pentacles (Rx)

Priestess of Divination & Gold Astronomer (John Dee)

Very warm and fuzzy feeling. You love each other to bits. You won't even bother looking at each other's negative traits; they simply don't matter because you guys are just so accepting of each other's real personalities. Also, maybe because you guys are a group of scatter-brained people🤪

You and your Soul Fam are going to have really 'strange' dynamics of friendships. It can have a good or bad meaning depending on how you handle your own dynamics. On the one hand, you are a very sensitive soul who has a penchant for falling victim to your own emotions—this will be reflected in some characteristics of your Soul Fam as well.

But you know what's different about your Soul Fam? They will never take advantage of your tender and caring heart because they simply appreciate that about you. Their presence in your life will also teach you to be loving and caring without being smothering. In the past, you have been somewhat smothering in the way you care about your friends because, subconsciously, you feared they'd leave you if you didn't cling to them.

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸(Special: post goes Public on the next Full Moon in Aquarius, 22 Aug at 11:11AM GMT+7!)

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 - Same-Mental-Age Buddies

9 of Pentacles (Rx), Knight of Wands (Rx)

Priestesses of Innocence and Love & Silver Physician (John Dee)

-This Pile is incredible.- You and your Soul Fam share a bond that is the envy of many people. Although you may be of different ages in reality, you will share the same mental age so your connections feel super casual and lighthearted. You guys are just a bunch of kids at heart. Very innocent and pure-hearted people who simply want to have fun in life and love each other to bits. You guys are the type that shower each other with loads of skinship and you may even strangle each other because you can't handle each other's cuteness.

When you are in the company of your Soul Fam, everything about your Life Purpose becomes clear. They even help you focus on achieving your goals just because you guys are so similar. You guys share the same chaotic humour, but also perceptions of life. You may not always see eye to eye in the way you view the world (everybody's unique, that's why) but you guys share the same caring heart for the problems that Humanity faces on a day to day basis. You guys are just a natural at holding compassion for human suffering, and in the later years of your lives together, you may end up doing a lot of charity work together and that will inspire A LOT of people. In fact, you may even start your own foundations for whatever causes you care about!

You and your Soul Fam are each other's shelters for when the world is too much to handle. You are good for each other's mental health and are always ready to be each other's emotional support. I sense it is from this that you also want to extend (or expand) these insanely positive vibrations to the rest of the world. Whether or not you end up becoming famous in your fields, I sense that whatever you guys work on will have immense implications on the lives of the people—mainly children and teenagers—whom you have touched by your presence/example. You will be 'breaking traditions' when it comes to people's understanding of what true friendships are all about. -I know that sounds weird, but you get that, don't you?-

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸(Special: post goes Public on the next Full Moon in Aquarius, 22 Aug at 11:11AM GMT+7!)

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 - That Rich Group of Geniuses

Queen of Pentacles, 7 of Wands

Priestess of Solitude & Green Alchemist (Nicolas Flamel)

Very cosy, stable friendships that won't leave you questioning the longevity of the connections. You have immense trust in each other and know you're gonna be sticking for life because you just know you guys are family. The kind of group of friends that consist of very intelligent people that care about the state of the world as well. May do charity works (or even INVENT something!) together and simply try to make the world a better place. Major Aquarius energy. You guys are tight and will be covering for each other's flaws.

-That's all; there's nothing else to say🤯This pile is really simple and clean. Let me explain for the sake of length🤪-

Different from the other piles, you guys are originally very strong and mentally healthy individuals. You haven't gone through as much heartbreak, deception, nor betrayal as most other people. When you and your Soul Fam come together, you create an insanely weird, unique, strong implications in the collective consciousness of Mankind—believe it or not.

Your coming together feels more important than other piles in that you all have incarnated together again almost hyper-specifically for a mission. Perhaps this explains why you chose to be born in wealthy families with superb educational backgrounds that have shaped your amazing characters. Or, some of you may not have had that but you know you have a genius sponge-like brain that surpasses most other people in the way you study and learn stuff😏 Also, if you are not already wealthy, trust that you are destined to be fucking wealthy so you can invent shit; or at least invest in the invention of shit.

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸(Special: post goes Public on the next Full Moon in Aquarius, 22 Aug at 11:11AM GMT+7!)

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Feel free to support me on Patreon if you love this kind of content🍑I create stories and tarot readings that calm the mind & heal from within🍒

[Back to Masterlist]

[cube-cumb3r]

The Means Reflect On The Ends Actually, (c!Dream & the conditioning of Exile)

What was the point of exile, storywise? What does it say about c!Dream? Sure, it’s showcasing how far he’s willing to go to achieve his own ends, but I don't think all discussion about what exile tells us about c!Dream should start and end there.

Dream is not cruel for cruelty’s sake. Dream’s end goal is not to hurt as many people as possible. He views his cruelty are “necessary evils”, and he doesn’t dwell much on whether the things he does are “good” or “bad”. He’s fully aware he’s hurting people and he ultimately thinks that hurting people, to the extent that he does, is worth it. That being said, while Dream has an ends justify the means mindset, but the truth is, the means absolutely reflect on the ends. His true intentions aren’t a mystery, it’s very clear in the text that his ultimate goal is unity, but why does he want unity? And what would said unity entail?

(Before this essay starts I have to do an ad break to promo @daggryet's very helpful [transcriptions from the exile streams], which I'll be using a lot of. Thanks for the very helpful resource.)

TW: Relatively extensive discussion abt the abuse in exile arc & the effects of said abuse.

Firstly, I don't think you should deny his relationship to control. A through-line of his character is achieving harmony through control, and more specifically, obedience. There’s a reason why he tends to single out Tommy the most. It’s not actually because Tommy is remarkably more troublesome than anyone else on the server, but rather, because his disruptive nature is at Dream’s expense. Tommy is the only character who’s consistently over and over again refused to respect Dream’s authority, and though he isn’t particularly threatening on his own, it’s the sentiment itself that’s dangerous. Similarly, this is why he has consistently targeted L’manburg, moreso than any other faction on the server such as, say, Badlands, El Rapids. It’s almost as if they represented the sentiment, “Hey, why are we listening to you anyway? Why can’t we be listening to anyone else?”, which is why he crushed them, over, and over again. What if everyone figures out they can just stop listening to him? What then?

We talk a lot about the effects exile had on Tommy, and rightfully so, but we don’t talk enough about what Dream was actually doing. What was the purpose of exile? Was it just a way to get closer to the discs? Just a means to an end? What was the end?

TOMMY: What, what could you possibly want more from me? You’ve tortured me.

DREAM: I’m just keeping an eye on you, Tommy.

TOMMY: What does that mean?!

DREAM: I’m just, I’m making sure that you’re not up to no good.

TOMMY: But, how, you’ve exiled me, you fucking stupid, manipulative fucking green bastard!

DREAM: I know! And you know why I did that?

TOMMY: Yes? 

DREAM: No, you know why?

TOMMY: Why?

DREAM: Because you don’t listen to me ever, you’re the only person who doesn’t ever listen to me. If I tell you to do something, you’re like “no, fuck you!”, and you go and like do like the exact opposite.

[full transcription]

As much as I have to preface this with that this is speculative and we may not have any irrefutable confirmation, I think it's very likely that it's literally just what Dream is saying he's doing. Tommy is the one person who refuses to listen to him, and he wants him to listen. Exile was not only conditioning Tommy to believe that nobody other than Dream cares about him, not only conditioning Tommy to be entirely reliant on him, but also conditioning Tommy to listen to him, without question, without disobeying. And that is such a significant and reoccurring motif for it to arguably just be the intended reading of exile.

Abuse is a vague term that encompasses a lot of abusive practices. There are a good handful that apply to exile, I'm sure if you ask someone qualified they'll be able to provide you a nice handy list, but ultimately, all of them target Tommy's own sense of agency and autonomy, and it all revolves around power and control. Dream creates rituals purely to disarm him, threatens him and punishes him when he doesn't listen, and rewards him when he complies (or rather, conditions Tommy into thinking that not being punished is a reward).

TOMMY: [begins throwing his armor and axe down for DREAM to explode.]

DREAM: No, no, it’s fine.

TOMMY: Re-really?

DREAM: Yeah. Today’s the party, right?

---

TOMMY: So when can I- no, I wanna go back. I… hey, thanks for letting me keep my armour today.

DREAM: You’re welcome.

TOMMY: Kinda nice of you.

[full transcription]

Dream isn’t only hurting Tommy for the sake of hurting him. People tend to frame it as if Dream Just Hates Tommy, but that’s not true. He finds Tommy fun, in a twisted way. There are a lot of moments in exile where they’re both on very good terms and Dream is friendly with Tommy. But, it's also all part of horror of exile, making Tommy reliant on him and his company, getting him to doubt his sense of reality, making him question whether his friends back in L’manburg ever cared about him at all, and possibly questioning whether he’s imagining the abuse as well, Dream is so kind to him after all, why would he ever want to hurt him?

Over the course of exile Tommy agency and sense of self start to deteriorate as well as his mental health, he starts worrying about what Dream would think, starts asking Dream for permission, going out of his way to avoid upsetting him, his only friend, his only reliable caring companion.

TOMMY: Yeah, so I’m thinking we- and then I can- but the thing is; so recently my buddy, Dream, has been doing this thing where he, uhm… it makes sense, though, because I’m not in his land anymore, but he takes my shit from me, so I need to make sure- […]

---

RANBOO: Yeah, so what do you say- does Dream like take your armor? Is that what you said?

TOMMY: I don’t know, he just- hey man, I just follow the boss.

[full transcription]

TOMMY: “Visit Techno” no, no, what would Dream think? […]

---

TOMMY: I’ve had a little idea, by the way, and I wanna know what you think, and also if I’m allowed

DREAM: Okay?

[full transcription]

TOMMY: Yeah, I know he’s actually - he’s sort of my- he’s borderline my owner, Big Q, so I’m not really sure.

MEXICAN DREAM: He’s your dad?

TOMMY: No, no-

MEXICAN DREAM: Ey! Ey, Papa Thomas!

TOMMY: No, no, we’re- as in labor.

MEXICAN DREAM: You gotta teach your child some manners.

[full transcription]

Dream’s outburst in exile after finding Tommy’s chests, is arguably one of Dream's most emotionally honest (and reckless) moments in exile considering it was what made Tommy realize he needed to save himself and escape. And it's punishing Tommy for going behind his back and planning to revolt.

TOMMY: I’m really, no, I’m really sorry, though. Why don’t we just pretend this never- yeah, let’s, shall we just pretend this-?

DREAM: Sorry doesn’t cut it, Tommy. Listen, I’ll leave you here to think about what you did-

TOMMY: What about the nether? What about the nether, my friends, what-?

DREAM: No! You can’t go to the nether, no one can come here, you are alone, okay? As soon as I think that you have changed, have become somebody who isn’t going to hide and lie and try and revolt; then people can visit you again. You can go to the nether again. But for now - no, no one can. You- I was being very lenient. Yesterday I let you go into the Dream SMP on a temporary pass, and then what do I find out the next day?

TOMMY: I’m so sorry.

DREAM: I have been nothing but gracious to you. Tommy. Think about what you did.

---

Exile wasn’t only a means to getting closer to the discs or getting Tommy out of the way. Exile was a means to conditioning Tommy into listening and respecting Dream as his superior. Dreams solution to Tommy being disruptive and troublesome was to [physically beat], emotionally abuse, and psychologically condition him into obedience. Only seeing exile as a testament to how far how willing he was go to meet his ends is reductive, and not acknowledging what Dream considers to be a “problem” and what he considers to be “solutions” is to not engage with his worldview. You have to take exile into account and what it actually says about his ideals of harmony and unity.

---

TOMMY: I can’t go back… I can’t go back, and see my friends and see Tubbo. This is a shithole! He wasn’t- he wasn’t here ‘cause he was my friend. He was here to- what did he say on the first day? Got a little bug that he can’t flig off? I’m the only person who never does exactly what he says?

TOMMY: I’m the only person who never does what he says. Me! He said that to me, didn’t he?

TOMMY: He was here to watch me.

[full transcription]

Dream’s relationship to Tommy can (and honestly should) be compared to his relationship to the entire server at large. Not to imply that He Literally Wants To Abuse The Server, but rather the he views the server revolting as a problem, and the solution? Well. The [prison]. The hall of attachments. It’s no surprise that the disc war, a conflict that was initially only primarily between Dream and Tommy*, is suddenly about everyone. Bargaining and blackmailing using attachments, something Dream initially only subjected Tommy to, to keep him under his control, is now a means to control everyone.

Is Dream's goal of unity for the sake of the overall happiness and quality of life of the people living within said unity? I don’t doubt that this at some point in time was true. But, the fact that he’s willing to ruin lives and long-term psychologically destroy people over it, means that his goal isn’t unity for the sake of the people living in his ideal version of the server, but at their expense. Him believing he needs to control people to maintain unity and harmony means that he believes himself to know what's best for people moreso than the people themselves, and therefore he's the only one responsible enough to make decisions for them. And it also means that his motives has warped and twisted overtime, it’s likely that he’s become so fixated on the goal of unity itself that he’s lost track of why he wanted it in the first place.

Anyway. Stop buying into Dream's own self-justification of "ends justify the means" and put his deeply flawed and broken worldview and view of people under a little bit of goddam scrutiny.

[bangteamhyuk]

Seesaw (II)

Genre: Mature/Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Neighbors with benefits/Fuck buddies, Producer! Min Yoongi, Fuck girl! OC Y/N, Neighbors AU (a Spin-Off to “Moving On”)

Warning: (NSFW! 18+) Car fingering while Yoongi drives, handjob, blowjob, cum licking/ spitting, Producer! Min Yoongi practicing SAFE SEX and ya’ll kids should do it too, mentions of bullying, suggestive abuse of power/ office boss being a d*ck, alcohol drinking and getting hammered, mention of sexist remarks, Seokjin being damn handsome AF just by walking in OC Y/N’s life like it’s okay because clearly it isn’t (I’m Jimin bias btw, I know you aren’t asking but I’m serving still) OC Y/N basically being unapologetically herself (living life in debauchery) and Yoongi knowing exactly what he needs in his damn life and he isn’t taking no for an answer.

Word count: 10,977k

SYNOPSIS: For months, you’ve been trying to hide your little crush on your neighbor who lives on the 18th floor. Until one night, you saw him drunk on the elevator with an empty bottle of Scotch, you asked if he maybe wants to have more of those in your place. And he did more than just agreeing.

Also thank you to these wonderful people: @flowerblu00​ @milkyshoooky​ @sugaaddiction​ 

“Of course, I’d love to….” you spoke low while taking a glass of water to drink. From the rims of the glass, you swore you could see Yoongi trying his best not to smile, playing it cool by pretending to struggle in picking the cooked meat from the grill. You bit the chopsticks to fight a smile, you must admit, that was pretty cute.

--

But Rush Hour. Of all the days you two choose to get laid was on Friday evening—a time where, unfortunately by default, everyone collectively decides to get laid as well. Thus, getting stuck in a sea of red lights. Needless to say, you two were bummed.

The traffic was so terrible, that it sucked you dry… literally. It’s as if a Dementor went around Yoongi’s car, found its way in, and unfashionably sucking you from underneath your seat. (Which by the way doesn’t look sexy at all. Seriously, who gets turned-on from that idea? Clearly not you) You were damn fine damp a minute ago, and now it felt uneventfully dry.

“You know what? This is ridiculous. I can see a motel nearby, why don’t we go there in the meantime?” you dramatically lamented from your seat. Yoongi, who was drinking iced coffee, almost choked to hear you declare your frustration so casually.

“Well, um…” he peered through the windshield “I can see the cars are moving in the next lane…”

“The motel is right over there” you pointed, emphasizing the short distance between the car and the building to his left.

He gulped “I uh-- I don’t like to take you to some sleazy motel. Besides, we have our own place” he starts counting by the finger “One, we don’t have to lie down on dirty sheets. Two, won’t clearly hear people moaning next door, and lastly no one’s gonna charge us by the hour…” facing you and concern

“Tell that to your friend who’s waning by the minute…” you pursed your lip pointing in his nether region. He instinctively closed his legs at your retort and chuckled “It’s fine, we’ll be fine… thanks for the genuine concern. Oh look, the light turned green! See, we’re moving?  I think the next lane is pretty lax...”

You can only huff as your dry reply.

As much as he wanted to leave with you right away and get to the nearest subway station the very moment you agreed, he couldn’t.  Because of all the days he decided to feel horny, he chose to go out with his car. He shut his eyes and dropped his head on the steering wheel to express his blowing resentment towards the cars, gradually becoming stationary on the said next lane. Thus, extinguishing any glimpse of hope that you two would arrive at his place, at an earlier time.

With an aching face, he wished that he could turn back the time and just to leave his damn car at the apartment building. Just so he could save his own balls from turning blue by the minute.

It was obvious that he was frustrated too, like you. Who wouldn’t? Being jammed in almost half an hour already? Still on the city street, barely moving? You had to deal with it.

Then it hit you: Yeah, why not deal with it?

However, you quickly realized that this may be a hit or miss. Not all people share the same interest or kink, but you were dying to have your back scratched, and so is he. So fuck it, you’re doing it.

You began to move your legs, slowly brushing it against Yoongi’s hand which was resting on the gear. He reacted, naturally. In fact, when the traffic light changed colors from red to green, he accidentally stepped on the gas pretty abruptly which partly shoved you down from your seat “Sorry…” furrowing his eyebrow apologetically, deep enough to find your pardon.

“It’s okay” fixing your hair from the center, and tucking it securely on your ears. Thankfully, you didn’t forget to put on a seatbelt, or else the plan you had in mind would have backfired. He sighed in relief, grateful that you accepted his apology.

Uncontented, you then pressed your hand on top of his. His hands suddenly turned cold as he tightened his grip on the gear, right before your touch. While you were certain that most men reacted positively to it, being open to a semi-public tryst, your expectations were not met. Instead, he cleared his throat and held your hands... held your damn hands.

He gently hit the brake as he approached another mob of halted cars on the next lane. Obviously flustered, he quickly moved his head to the side taking glimpses of whatever there was on his side mirror while withholding his smile. He momentarily pulled his hands away from you to shift his gear to neutral, then held your hands back. He even pushed his own finger in between its gaps and locked it. Locked your damn hands.

Slowly you closed your eyes and took one deep breath, not because your heart started to flutter, but because of your utmost disappointment at his response. This is clearly different from what you wanted to happen.

You took a mental note of the events and Yoongi’s actions, concluding that he was clearly a man who disliked beating around the bush. So, for the sake of being clear on your intention, you aggressively pulled his hand, opened his palms and let it slowly brush the skin hiding underneath your skirt.

He froze. Now you got his attention.

Nervously, he coughed on impulse. While his one hand remained clutched on the steering wheel and his eyes still focused on the road, the other hand was busy grazing your inner thigh. Surprisingly, he didn’t budge. He lets you take control, directing him where you want him to be while touching you gently. You then took his wrist, and guided his fingertips towards where you wanted it from the very beginning.

“Y/N, I just think it’s better if we wai---” for a moment, he had forgotten what he wanted to say to you next, because suddenly he felt his finger move to a place where he is afraid you'll lead it to-- your wet slit.

He swallowed, his mouth left ajar and brows lifted in absolute surprise. “Oh shit” was the only thing he could say.

Whining softly from your seat, he reluctantly moved his head to watch you introduce his fingers to the pleasure of your flesh. You then extended your arms, cautiously reaching for his legs and caressed it intently. His eyes blinked rapidly, as he turned his head back to face the road, refusing to look back. His mouth is still hanging from the air, as his head floats in uncertainty mixed with pure ecstacy.

No one asked but, really, this is what you meant by taking matters into your own hand.

It took him a minute to process what was happening, and as such, he began to return the favor. Now free from your control, he started pressing his finger on your sensitive bud and stroked it gently. He bit his lip right after he heard you moaned, “...Yoongi”

“Fuck” he suddenly saw the traffic light turn red to green. He slowly stepped on the gas pedal,  careful enough to prevent you being thrown from your seat again. He was now steering the wheel with one hand as he flicked your clit with the other at a steady pace. As acknowledgement on being gratified, you opened your legs wider.

He was game.

Yoongi briefly pulled his hands away from you to maneuver the car smoothly on the highway. He grunted at the view of another sight of flooded red lights. He wanted to get home so bad. All he could think of was to get on the bed with you with his cock finally warmed. But the highway had led this poor man’s dreams down in an instant.

Though, you refused to concede to the situation. You are willing to put up a fight against the status quo, ready to deny the world from preventing yours and Yoongi’s happiness from dying each second. Thus, like a good employee of this capitalistic world, you turn this deplorable event from liability to an asset: making this a great opportunity for you and Yoongi to bond closer. (Albeit, a different kind of bonding, that is)

As soon as he stepped on the brakes, you pulled out your seatbelt and moved towards his direction “Your car is heavily tinted right?” you asked while probing the cars around you from your window.

“Yeah, why?” He asked while putting back his hands to your slit, continuing to flick your bud, now significantly fast. You decided to turn it up a notch as you reached for the button of his pants. Slowly, unbuttoning it and pulling his zipper down. He started to pant, nervous to hear you reply.

“Safety first…” You then helped him shift the gear to neutral, and began pulling his pants and boxer roughly half way.

He groaned as he watched you grasp his stiff length, stroking it slow. “Is this what you meant when you asked if my car is tinted?” he quickly jerked his head up to check if the vicinity is safe, then briefly saw you nod your head to a ‘Yes’.

He choked when he sensed his tip poke on to your lips. It didn’t take a while for you to hear him moan when he felt his tip finally pressed the entrance of your mouth, gradually moving down on your tongue and on to your inner cheek. The warmth and wetness you’re giving him puts him in immediate joy.

He hissed at the sight of you taking him whole, and helped you fix your hair by putting it to the side, letting you breathe easy while you bob your head “Nngh… Y/N”

“Like that?” you part a bit and kissed his tip.

“Why do you keep asking the obvious?” he faintly chuckled as he tossed his head from his seat, right when he felt your tongue move from the bottom shaft and up to its head. Then quickly downed on him entirely again. His eyebrow creased automatically, as if contemplating today’s wisdom from the universe that all ‘good things come to those who wait’. He concentrated on that note like a mantra, as he shut his eyes tight.

Even when you were giving him a head, he was still kind enough to help you keep your hair away from your face. Holding it fairly light, trying not to pull. If this isn’t a gentleman thing to do, then I do not know what is.

“Y/N” He began sliding his two fingers in, which left you half giggling and panting at the immediate contact.

“Mm, you are doing me good hm?” you asked while stroking him slowly and watching his eyes closed, barely breathing as he mentally called to thank the universe for being blessed by you “You can add another finger if you want…”

“Damn, you are so hot…” His eyes then lit up, biting his lip and grinning with pride, thus displaying his perfect gummy smile that takes you to greater heights every time he does. “Yeah… I really appreciate your honesty, thank you for telling me you are horny” he replied as he prods his fingers in, progressively fast. Candidly making you clench and moan his name at the same time.

And like a good co-worker, you went back to hustle. Starting from the bottom to his top.

The tightness of your mouth in his shaft, the smell of your sweet perfume, the sound of his fingers squelching inside your very core, and the sight of you taking him whole, like a prized lollipop. Oh, and the fact that he pulled his (now) three fingers out from you to have a little taste…Yes, he nodded to himself. Licking every side of his fingers as if eating at KFC. Indeed, ‘it is finger licking good’.

It became apparent that all his senses were being satisfied when you finally felt him start to shiver. Everything was met, everything was good, everything became so overwhelming for Yoongi that even with his lids close, he can still see the light shine from heaven.

He gasped, leaving him marveled at your greatness by giving him a very good head. In fact, he found it so admirable that you start to feel him throb. Evidently, he is coming.

You were so good, that he barely withholds himself from coming. Along with the fact that he became unaware that his elbow accidentally hit the switch to dwindle down the window. “Fuck!” he writhed, thrusting his hip up spurting hard in your mouth.

“Yo, Casanova! Your windows are down!” The driver on the other side shouted.

His eyes widened, still sporadically shuddering from his high. “Shit!” He quickly pushed the button to raise his windows while his other hand pulled his pants and boxers up (at the least he managed to put his boxers up while in hurry, now 80% covering his ass) only it was too late.

Resisting to swallow his cum, you began to pull yourself up from your seat and look for a tissue stashed somewhere inside your bag. Upon seeing your head pop from below though, it didn’t take long for the other driver to discern what just happened.

“Nasty” was the last thing Yoongi heard from the grinning stranger before he finally put his window back up. Now completely shielded from his embarrassment.

Just then the traffic light turned red to green. Yoongi quickly hit the gas. Staying in this traffic was definitely the last thing he wanted to be in. He then thoughtfully swore to be mindful of his surroundings next time when another opportunity like this came, or maybe he would never (It’s too soon to decide)

But one thing is for sure, he swore he can never drive and see this road the same way ever again. Thanks to you.

--

A lilac lacy bra resting on his lampshade, matched silken panty hanging on the side of his headboard, black pants stuck in the middle of his bedroom door, an empty packet of condom on the edge of the bed, and his brief dangling, which managed somehow to reach on top his his TV.

Sitting with his legs crossed, his back resting on a pile of pillows with his hands supporting your weight. He happily watched you grind on him with great effort for a full whole blown minute. “Y/N” humming your name, in between his grunt.

“Yoongi” you recited his name in return like litany, hands gripping on his bare shoulders as you tossed your head back in trance.

“Fuck…” he began to propel his hips against you, meeting your every movement. One of his hands sneaked its way to your breasts cupping each and kneading it gently.

“Yoongi” you repeated, calling his name, spreading your legs wider to find your balance and continuing to roll your hips in synchrony with his. For a moment, the sound of slapping skin was all you could hear until it syncopated by his heavy breathing. He pushed himself close to you, hands now reaching towards your clit. Stroking and flicking it concurrently in full earnest.  

His head suddenly fell on to your shoulder, his gasp becoming audibly clear sending you into utter frenzy. In response, you pulled yourself back and began nibbling his ear, light and soft. He moaned. Yes, the kind that reverberates, delivering you to the edge. Thus reaching your high.

He snickered after hearing you whimper “For someone who initiated everything, I honestly thought you could last. I didn’t know just the sound of me moaning can send you to peak?”

With your mouth still open, you grimaced at his snide remark “Lie down, why don’t you? Let’s see if I can take you with me?”

“No need to, I’ll come any time soon” he tilts his head to the side and kisses you, simultaneously thrusting in haste. His sudden reflex jolts you in another course of delirium. As his movements became erratic, you held on tight to his shoulders taking it as a cue to give each other one final push to reach both your climax.

“Y/N…” He gagged as he squinted his eyes hard. Together, you both curse at the sensation, and deeply sighing together after hitting the zenith. You both lie down at the same time, panting. For a while it was silent, as if both of you were taking time to ponder on life in general like a hermit sage.

“…. Is this going to be a regular thing?” he suddenly asked, shifting on his bed to face the ceiling. Finally, he was asking the important question.

“Sure. You mean no strings attached right?” moving your body to face him.

He then pursed his lip to say something but quickly retracted. He figured he needed to ask it, so he just let it roll. A necessary query, he thought. “Is this going to be exclusive or….”

“Let’s not kid ourselves and make things easier for us, so no. Exclusive is quite foreign territory for me. Although I can still be monogamous, that is if you want it to… but don’t push okay? I can only go for a short period” you stretched your arm and rolled to the edge, taking the liberty to take his bottled water from the bedside table and drink.

“No, no, it’s okay. As long as we keep using protection, I guess that’s fine. We can see other people on the side, while we keep in touch? I think it’s a pretty fair deal…”

“It’s a good deal” you pointed out as he nodded in agreement.

“But what if one of us isn’t up for it any longer? Do we tell or do we not tell? Because honestly I’ll hope you’d pick the forme-- ”

“Latter” you quickly replied before he finished the word ‘Former’

He chuckled, and shook his head in disbelief with your reply.

“Fine, I can adjust. I totally understand that this isn’t just about me, so in all fairness, I’ll agree to your demands. But you have to agree with mine”

“That is?” He sat back up and pulled out his soiled condom, knotted it first before throwing it in the trash bin.

“Give me your number” you opened your palm to his direction

“Well, I thought you’d never ask” he picked up his cellphone he left from the edge of his bed, while you combed down on the floor to find yours. You two then exchange phones and enter each other’s number, and return it back. “That was easy” he raised one eyebrow smirking at you.

“With that, we can um… reach each other wherever, whenever” you pressed your lips together and gave him a smile.

He nodded “Sure, but only if you wanted”

“Only if you wanted it too” you replied, cordially mimicking his head.

“Everything sound’s good to me” he shrugged “So, Deal?” he stuck his hand out to you and you took it. “Deal” you both shook it, sealing the agreement.

--

Seesaw. It is one of your favorite playground activities. You enjoy the momentary high and the unpredictability of being dropped down. Although more than anything, you adore the power play. You get the euphoria from being intrigued, guessing each time who gets to take the upper hand.

You love taking predictions, you love calculating, but above all you love to wager. You wanted a brief scare from losing, only to shift the leverage to your favor. For you, Seesaw is a game of dominance. And in the game of dominance, of course you like to be the one in control.

Even when you were little you were so engrossed at that thought, obsessing to declare yourself to be the winner. You were so competitive, that it made you fall on a sandbox one time, when you were playing with your next-door neighbor, Hee-joon.

Seeing from afar, your father quickly ran to you and held you close for comfort. Although when he was dressing your bruises, you remember vividly how he warns you not to cry in front of boys, because little boys always relish seeing a weak girl cry. You always have to emerge as the victor at all times. Hence, you never did. Even now as an adult. You fight back, you always do.

That’s why Hee-joon grew up hating you, because the last time you two played Seesaw again, you managed to put him up above and watched him revel in the air. Until he realized you refused to put him back down, not until he cried. You watched him weep and plead above you. Only then you decided to put him down when his mother came. To say the least, your mother was upset with your action, but your father felt proud.

Seesaw is the game that taught you how to take the highs and lows, but more than anything, it taught you how to be the one in supreme.

Every time you deal with men, you remember every word your father told you. As such, when you reached the epiphany that love is nothing but just an illusion, you decided to take things to the sheets instead. You’d rather be engulfed with pleasure rather than unnecessary emotions under the guise of romance.

And yet, somehow deep within you, you were too scared to admit the rationale why you vehemently refuse to lose. Because at the time when you fell and your father ran to you, you saw it in his eyes. He was looking at you, fearful to see someone he loves dearly be in so much pain. He was terrified to let you know how far the depths of a wound can go, until you can no longer feel… and you’re afraid to know it too.

It is the precise reason why, right now, you are watching Yoongi cover his face on a Sunday morning. Leading him to his high, watching him revel in absolute bliss, under him… literally. Yoongi pleaded for you to stop giving him another god-tier head, and let him breathe easy, before you could deliver him any further to his overdrive. While you indeed followed his plea by halting, you decided to tease him a little by pulling yourself up from the covers and went on top of him. You took his wrist and pressed his palms against your bare chest.

“Wait” he paused as he sat up and furtively looked for a condom in his drawer. “Thank God, we still have one last…” he pulled out the shiny foil packet. You took it from his hand and helped him put the rubber on.

And just like that, Yoongi again was on a roll. For the past few weeks, neither of you resisted sex. Monday night? On your couch. Wednesday? On his kitchen counter. Friday after work? Inside his car on a dark alleyway. Saturday night? Inside his shower. Now Sunday, back on his bed.

Sex with Yoongi is great, but you already expect that.

But just like a play of Seesaw, you know that this kind of arrangement will definitely have some highs and lows. You know that one day, you and Yoongi’s sex drive will decline, frequent calls will become rare, until it’s gone. So, keep them coming right? Not that you are worried, but really what is there to lose? Especially if the sex is good and you two are on an equilibrium, like that in the game.

Well, not until Friday.

---

“Hey, good work!” someone tapped your shoulder lightly after closing the meeting room, you turned around to see who it was.

“Oh, Hoseok. Thanks!” you grinned, happy to see one of your best friends attend your team’s presentation for a Cereal Company. You’ve known Hoseok since college, and even worked with him on your first job. Even if both of you left and went to a different company now, you two still find time to catch up. It just so happens that you two are now working on the same project.

Dipping your head a little low, you whispered to his direction “I was genuinely surprised to know you work for this company, I thought you hated their cereals?”

“Unfortunately, beggars can’t choose” he replied softly as you nodded in agreement, while walking with him on the office hallway towards the elevator lobby “Great to know they promoted you as the Event’s Manager huh?”

“As long as they pay me well, I can manage whatever shit the world throws at me,” you said, twitching your lip to the side and shrugging, making Hoseok hysterical.

“Cheers to being a slave for money”

“Cheers” you both tossed an imaginary goblet from each of your hands when suddenly, you heard your phone buzzing, so did his. Both of you stopped from the elevator lobby to read the message. You rolled your eyes “Seems your boss and my boss are going to announce their engagement?”

He chuckled, “I’m pretty sure they’re straight, Y/N. But I can’t come to this ‘Night After-Work Drink’…” he put his phone back in his pocket after reading it.

“Aw, C’mon it’s going to be the weekend tomorrow! Plus, I’m going to introduce you to my colleagues, we’ll have fun! Just come, let’s go Hoseok! Don’t leave me alone, please?” you whined before him, trying your hardest to convince one of your closest friends to come by using your pleading charm.

Hoseok just stared at you and breathed.

“Why? Have you not forgiven me for that time I accidentally left my hairbrush on your car and your ex thought you were cheating on her? Hence, leaving me now on my own to suffer?”

You stepped forward to face Hoseok before he could enter the elevator with you.

He rolls his eyes “Still dramatic as always. I told you, that’s been long forgotten. Besides, I am dating someone new”

“Oh” you said inaudibly, finding Hoseok slightly displeased with your overly critical reaction.

“Hey, I know that face!” he narrowed his eyes while expressing his distaste to see your silent retort “And no, I have no plans in introducing you to her… Yet! Not until we’ve established whatever we are” he continued while pressing the elevator to the ground floor.

“Hm, still sounds trouble to me”

“We’ve only known each other for a week, Y/N. Give her some slack.”

“Then why are you cancelling extra working hours? When can you drink to your heart's content, hm? Beer will taste good, especially if you’re not the one paying” you bobbed your brows and smug “Just admit it Hoseok, she got you wrapped around her fingers. I told you, you can’t do this on a regular. Women like a little chase…”

“First of all, we’re not paid to kiss ass. Second, you also hated the idea of having to go there too and third, she’s not like you…”

You opened your mouth, clearly taken aback to hear his remark. Hoseok quickly clarified “I meant to say, you’re frighteningly the almost perfect girl…but she’s not the fooling type.”

“That’s what we all say, that’s what we all want you to believe Hoseok...” You retort incredulously “it’s better be uncompromising forthright than give you false hope. Go choose!”

Hoseok sighed deeply “Look, one day you are going to meet someone who will probably prove to you that not all men are shit.” he said while crossing his arms and stared at you, admonishingly.

“I already did. I have you” you pouted. The elevator stopped as Hoseok waited for you to step out first then followed.

“Besides me” leading you now to his car in the parking lot. His eyes flickered as he remembered something… or someone “Know what? there’s Seokjin-hyung”

“Oh, you mean Seokjin the half-god from the Film Department, in our Uni? Seokjin is infinitely out of question. Have you seen his latest drama on TV? Park Bo-gum even sent a coffee truck to congratulate him” You sighed resentfully.

“How’d you know?”

“Instagram. Okay don’t judge”

Hoseok chuckled, stopping at his car to turn it open with his car keys “I clearly am doing it right now”

“Technically, he is untouchable. You’ve seen how the girls reacted then when they saw me and him together on a couch? When we were literally just talking about Chinese Philosophy class during that frat party. And like some teen-romcom movie, rumors started to fly the next day and they multiplied by the hour” You opened the door to his passenger seat and secured yourself with a seatbelt.

“Easy A. It’s Easy A.” He stressed as he entered and adjusted the side mirror’s on the driver’s seat .

“The difference between you and Seokjin are that we’re friends… and he and I just happened to be in one class”

He starts the engine of his car, offering to drive you all the way to the bar where your team is having this week’s celebration “My point is… theoretically speaking, that there are men who are as nice, like he is. Plus, he knows those nasty rumors weren’t true. Won’t you forgive those girls?”

“They’re basically my creators? Shouldn’t this present slut thank them instead?”

“You and I both know you were once a college prude, and you never slept with any of those rumored men… Seokjin-hyung knows the truth. Even if he was conscripted to the list, unlike other men who took advantage of that, he fervently denied”

“Because that’s the truth. We never slept, Hoseok. Above every one, you know I didn’t have the guts. Wow, I am still not sure whether to feel offended or happy about it. Am I not worth it?”

“Y/N, seriously? Seokjin’s a true gentleman, that’s it. That’s the tea. I can even swear he was into you that time, until her groupies held an emergency meeting to evilly conspire against you… I’m actually glad they’ve been dealt with. This is why we can’t have nice things”

“Hoseok, okay, granted that he and I ended up dating each other back then… It is still going to fail because lov-- ”

He started to turn on the radio, loudly “What? I can’t hear you! Know what? Have a talk with your pessimism when you get to the bar. Here, I’ll even give you extra money so you could offer it a few more drinks” he pulled a few coins from his pocket and handed it over to you.

You chuckled, batting your eyes to his direction “Aw, ever the romantic Hoseok. Well, keep them I’ll collect it soon enough”

“She is going to be great, Y/N. Don’t jinx it!”

--

“Fuck capitalism!” your boss shouted.

“Fuck capitalism!” you all repeated and shouted it while drinking another shot all together.

“Y/N! Lara! Do that soju bomb thing together!” Your boss suddenly made his way to sourpuss the night by ordering you two to do a party trick which is gravely against your will.

Lara gave you a look and you just shrugged, telepathically and ironically accepting defeat from capitalism itself, by giving in at your boss’s request. You two were compelled to act normal as if nothing happened. Honestly, no one really needs to know about you, her, and canker Joe. As a matter of fact, you don’t want anyone to know that you tried to sleep with canker Joe from your office. Besides, didn’t Lara hide the fact that he was seeing Joe too? Maybe she was too embarrassed about him as well. Regardless, he is definitely a thing in the past and should be kept inside a box, six-feet underground for good.

“Hey!” Lara plastered a smile and handed you the glasses, as usual, to prepare both your famous tricks.

“Hey, hey!” you faked cheered as well as you helped her open more beers to spray on each glass, half filling the glass. Lara then filled each shot glass with a fair amount of soju, while you meticulously placed them strategically close so by the time you shove one, the other shot glass would follow like dominoes (dropping to beer glass like a bomb).

This never fails to amaze your boss for some reason, to see you two do it each time, much to you and Lara’s chagrin. Truthfully, if you’re being asked, you two would wish you weren’t forced to entertain anyone outside office just to have a favorable treatment by the day.

“Y/N” your boss called as he pulled out a newly opened bottle of soju to your direction, handing out your glass politely to him as a reflex. “You really did a great job with your presentation; I really like it! Don’t be too shy alright? You deserve to celebrate!”

“Thank you, sir,” you turned away from his direction and downed the alcohol in one go, respectfully showing everyone on the table that you’ve accepted the harsh reality of the need to kiss ass so you could get cash.

“Too bad, Hoseok’s not here. He’ll probably have fun” Hoseok’s boss, who joined your team, commented while watching you have another at your boss’s behest. You nodded to his direction, to feign agreement. Considering the amount of alcohol he could bear in a single night, of course not, he definitely would not have fun.

“Y/N” someone murmured on the table, after your boss moved his attention to the recently hired employees. You turned around and saw Lara staring at you “Y/N” she repeated.

“Yeah?” you raised an eyebrow clearly befuddled to hear her and have your attention.

“I know you can’t handle alcohol well, just gently decline next time he offers. He has more people to oppress now” she lowered herself so you could hear her clearer and puck her lips subtly to point at the poor new recruits.

“Oh, I thought you said you didn’t want to be friends with a slut like me? Are we also going to pretend I didn’t hear that too?” you whispered back

“Whatever, just don’t come hurling at everybody and then throw up”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you”

She was right. She’s always right. By the time you downed an nth shot of soju or whatever it is they gave you (and add that fancy cocktail you wanted to try on their menu) your surroundings gradually revolve and appeared hazy. Somehow, you decided to take drunken shots of the bar and record random moments for you to post something on your social media account. Nothing too wild or nasty, just enough to flash for your friends online that you were having a great time on another Friday night.

“Y/N, is it okay if you come with me to the restroom and help with something?” Lara asked distinctly from her seat, loud enough to hear your superiors to cut you lose from drinking.

You nodded submissively, plopping down from the stool and followed Lara. By the time you two arrived at the girl’s restroom you quickly went into the nearest cubicle and threw yourself against the toilet and vomited.

“I told you so, even Hannah Montana can’t get the best of both worlds. Y/N, stop acting tough.” She crouched down and held your hair up while patting your back.

“I’m feeling fantastic Lara!” you deadpan reply while wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Okay, you are welcome” she rolled her eyes while burrowing something from your bag, then you heard something thud. Suddenly everything went blank.

--

The smell of musk, leather and a little bit of smoke. The feeling of the heat of a skin nudging on your nose. Your hands pressed against someone else’s chest, and the air breezing under the soles of your feet, as if you were levitating. You blinked your eyes twice and opened it wide from your stupor… finding yourself in the middle of the busy street of Itaewon.

You shook your head a little and realized you were resting on someone’s back. “Don’t move too much, you are starting to get heavy?” said someone in a timbre filled with objection.

You knew that voice, and you knew that scent too well too “Yoongi?” you asked weakly.

“Are you gonna throw up? Just tell me…”

“Yoongi, why are you…” you shook your head, that wasn’t the right question “Why are we here?”

“You butt-dialled me, it’s been so long since you called so I thought you’d invite me over but I only heard random noises then it ended… Until you began sending me weird pictures in the dark. So, I was kind of worried and called… But it was your officemate who answered and just told me to come pick you up”

“My what?” you asked, trying to process everything you heard.

“Know what? You’re too drunk to have this conversation and so I’m just going to take you home. Don’t move too much, you are slipping” he paused for a moment while he jerked to keep him adjusted to the weight that he is carrying. “Cutie from the 18th floor huh?” you heard him snickered as he asked.

“You saw my phone?”

“No, your officemate told me. Actually she asked me if I was ‘Cutie from the 18th floor?’ She apologized instantly because she didn��t know how to address me when I came to the bar to pick you up”

“Okay, that’s it. Put me down!” you tried to shimmy your body away from him

“Are you sure about that? She took your shoes from you; said she’ll leave it on your desk tomorrow”

“God…Must be Lara…”

“Is she the best friend you told me about before?”

“Yeah…”

“She’s worried about you”

“Mmm. Right.” You shut your eyes from the blinding neon lights passing from your sight.

“…Hold on to me tight” he reminded, as you reluctantly wrapped your arms around him while he trudged with you on his back.

In clear disorientation, right in the midst of the crowd, you wonder—why above all things, he is carrying you home without any question. Slowly, you closed your eyes and sighed while clutching on his chest a little bit tighter. You rest your head again on his shoulder, burrowing your nose on the fabric of his shirt. (Not to be weird, but if someone demanded what you’re doing at a gun point you wouldn’t think twice confessing that he genuinely smells so good, and that’s the whole reason) Somehow, whatever this was, it made you feel at ease.

And he wasn’t complaining.

--

“Y/N…Y/N” Yoongi rouse you from your mini-slumber “We’re here, we’re at your front door” He gently put you down on the floor and help you stand upright, waiting for you to enter your apartment so he could drop you home with his conscience at peace.

You crouched down and narrowed your eyes while pressing on the numbers on your door lock, offering it with great effort.

‘Access Denied’ it buzzed.

“Shit!” cursing on your poor concentration to get it right.

Yoongi sighed “Whisper me the number code, and I’ll do it for you”

“What? And enter any time while I’m sleeping?” you replied while unnecessarily glaring at him.

“Okay, that’s it… I can leave you here or you can stay at my place…” he put his waist on each side of his waist, like an old lady giving you an ultimatum.

“Fine... it’s wait…” You pointed a finger to Yoongi and pulled out your phone, pressing down the number sequence on the screen but in full labor. Yoongi, who was losing the endmost ounce of his patience, finally pulled you up to drag you back to the elevator lobby of your floor.

“Okay, okay, it’s 5991!” you spoke harshly, demanding him to put you down. Yoongi quickly turned around, to see if anyone heard. Fortunately, no one was around your hallway to hear you blurt your code so casually. He then swiftly pressed the numbers and opened your door and pulled you in.

“Oh! I forgot my RFID is on my wallet” you raised your hand belatedly after being dragged by Yoongi inside your apartment “Wait, what? You could’ve told me this earlier!” he groaned in utmost frustration, while helping pull your blazer off and beginning to question his choices in life.

“Yoongi” you grin at him with your eyes barely open “it’s been a while yeah? I miss your cock! Let’s have sex!” you squeaked quite happily. He then dropped you pretty harshly on the bed, not that you mind since you were too inebriated to care. “Mmm. Are you into rough play tonight Mr. Hit-song Producer, sir?” You reached for him, tracing your fingers against his shirt.

“I’m not…” he replied directly, rejecting your advances while he turned away from you busily searching for something. “… unfortunately for you miss, I don’t get turned on with drunken girls on the bed. Scurry over and try to seat on your back on the head board”

Obediently, you followed his demands despite not making sense, or at least because you are too drunk to comprehend anything. You shut your eyes waiting for him to do something to you until you felt something damp on your face “Yoongi?” you slowly opened your eyes.

“I am taking the liberty…Close your eyes” he asked sternly. It was beginning to make sense now.

“Are you helping me clean up?” you asked, feeling him gently brush your eyes with a damp facial cotton. “How’d you know which one is a makeup remover?”

“I’m not dumb, Y/N. I can read” he adjusted himself to mildly take your mascara off you. Flustered, you begin to turn your head slightly away from him. As if in a snap, the effect of alcohol was beginning to wane. Just because of the thought that Yoongi was doing things for you that you never expected. “Y/N, look I’m trying!” he clicked his tongue by pressing his thumb and index finger on your chin, securing you steadily “I heard, it’s not good to sleep with a makeup on… there’s a good chance you’ll turn blind from bacteria build-up if this is left unclean for hours”

“Says, who?” trying to dissipate the towering feeling of being embarrassed. “Your ex?”

“No, the idols I get to work with who came in late. They were trying to justify their tardiness because of their face after a night of drinking. Honestly, who cares? They have a lot of fans who love them”

“It’s a girl thing, you’ll never understand”

Smoothing another batch of damp cotton on your cheeks, he finished the conversation by telling you “Well, I do. You are pretty even without it…” he said while dabbing one last time on the side of your lips until you felt his thumb pressed on the edge of your lips.

Yoongi froze, did he just? He started to wonder. You slowly opened your eyes to see his face close to yours, just a few inches away from each other's lips. He cleared his throat and immediately shifted himself away from you again, keeping distance. “Good night, Y/N”

You watched him turn his back and dimmed the lights off your room, leaving only with a soft glimmer from your bedside lamp. Feeling stunned at the chain of events, you cowered down to see your clothes still on and your chest beating heavily. You jerked and shook your head reminding yourself that ‘No, we refuse to be your victim, Yoongi’. Then you felt it, clearly your body is still jaded, realizing on its own that you still had too much alcohol in your system. So, you tried to hurry over to your bathroom, only to find your face falling flat on the floor.

Gratefully, Yoongi hasn’t completely left you yet. When he heard, he abruptly went to check on you in your room. “Just how many have you had?” he helped you up and hiked you over to the toilet. You immediately hurled yourself to it and threw whatever you had in you. He groaned mournfully, while patting your back. He knew the answer to his queries, he’s going to need to stay by your place for the night.

And he did, but on your couch. He thought, it would be awkward to be placing himself beside you on your bed if you two are not having sex. Thankfully, your couch had enough space for him to lie down, yet he couldn’t seem to find his sleep. Not when he began questioning himself as to why you had him worried for the night, he shifts to the side staring blankly on your ceiling deeply sighing at the thought. He wished he knew.

--

The sound of fizzle, the touch of your dried lips, and the scent of butter, emanating from the kitchen towards your room. All of those, woke your senses. You looked at your phone and find it’s 7am on Saturday. Normally, Hoseok would gladly walk into your apartment to send you over hung-over foods, but guessing at the fact that he’d be with a lady friend you assumed he’d be unavailable for you in a time of need…. And cooking? Hoseok cooking? For the longest time you two had been together as friends, he never once attempted to put himself in the kitchen. So what changes?

You took your satin robe and swiftly wrapped it around to see who it was in your kitchen. You ran out of your room with a pillow on your hand and shrieked at the familiar figure. It was Yoongi cooking in your kitchen

He pulled out his airpods and asked “What, were you calling me?”

“No, I just… I didn’t expect you’d still... be here…Are you cooking?”

“Um, yeah, why are you always asking the obvious?” he knitted his brows, eyes darting from left to right, perplexed to even answer your query. “Look, why don’t you sit down and let Chef Min do the cooking for today”

You silently sat on your island stool and watched him prepare food. “Is this what you do to everyone you sleep with?”

He stifled a smile and pursed his lips to think. “I wish I did. Unfortunately, no. Just you, for now”

You folded your arm and poked your tongue from the inside of your cheek “Well you can’t do this…”

“Huh?” He asked with his back to you, busily chopping more onions and garlic then mixing it to the cooking pan.

“Rules.”

“Rules? What part of the agreement is cooking prohibited? If my memory serves me right, you failed to mention it, so I guess this is pretty legal”

“Okay, fair point. Then why are you doing this? On my apartment, on my kitchen, on my food? Is it all for me?”

Yoongi was taken aback, but he needed to answer promptly “What, you think I’m starting to like you more than a neighbor… with benefits?” he scoffed “Such confidence, woman” he turned around to snicker, playfully flailing his arm with a cooking chopstick on hand.

“I’m sorry but I can’t help it” you merrily bemoan in retrospect and shrugged. “Didn’t you say you’ve always fancied me?”

“Naked, I fancied you naked” he corrected.

“I don’t know, sounds the same to me” You watched him perfectly toss the food while cooking, like a pro. “Hmm, impressive. Are you trying to make me weak on my knees?”

“Well, are you?” he asked stoically, as he turned the stove off and finally served you a hung-over breakfast he made out from the ingredients available in your refrigerator.

“Almost, but not quite” you playfully bite your lip, fretfully eating your smile.

“You’re welcome for the breakfast Y/N” he winked, putting his share on a plate and sat on a stool right in front of you.

“Thank you, Chef Min Yoongi” you ducked your head, to tamper down whatever you were feeling in the morning. You weren’t a prayerful person but today you decided to whisper one from your seat. You needed it, a whole of it, before chowing down your freshly cooked food made by the Chef himself in front of you. Testing you by the minute.

He watched you while you shut your eyes and chant something inaudibly, and without you knowing-- he smiled.

--

“Min PD nim?” one of the staff knocked on his door. Yoongi, as usual, was busy listening to the tracks he made from last week now that it is back to being Monday again.

“Han Young-woo-ssi said he wanted to talk to you sir…”

“Oh, what about?” He abruptly stopped and turned to face her.

“It sounded like it’s a personal matter sir… so I didn’t ask him any further. He is waiting outside your office sir, would you like me to tell him to come back after lunch?”

He shook his head “No-no, it’s fine. I am a little bit stressed too, I was just looking for the right lyrics to the melody but maybe talking to him might help” he went out from his seat and decided to see his visitor from the same company but in the Accounting department. Was it about his demands against the company for paying for his daily coffee needs? Or was it about denying his request to fund him for another set stereos?

“Yoongi! My friend!” Young-woo delightedly extends his arm to give him a quick hug and pat on his back.

“Hey Han!” he sat on the couch and Young-woo followed, sitting on a chair adjacent to Yoongi.

“What brings you here?”

“Well, I saw you last Saturday night in the streets of Itaewon”

He chuckled “Yeah, I decided to do some carrying as part of my daily workout routine”

Young-woo nods solemnly “I know the person you were carrying. She’s bad news…”

He furrowed his eyebrows, pausing for a moment to comprehend the sudden change of his tone.

“I knew her from college, she’s been sleeping with a lot of men... maybe until now. Just avoid her if you can. She might give you STDs or something… Just stop Yoongi. I don’t know if it’s because she slept with Seokjin? Which probably made her impertinently bold and decides to slut around”

Yoongi thwarted him from finishing his sentence. “Seokjin? You mean Kim Seokjin?”

“Yes, your high school best friend and my frat brother, Seokjin. Did he never tell you about her?”

“He mentioned a few girls, but I don’t remember her being mentioned at all.”

“Well, I guess it’s because she’s not worth mentioning”

Yoongi pressed his fingers on his temple “Do you really see girls that way, Young-woo?”

Young-woo was left fazed at his question “I-Uh…”

“Cut to the chase Young-woo, I have a lot of things on my table. It’s not my cup of tea to entertain sexist conversation especially during working hours…”

“I’m just warning you. As friend, that’s it”

“Well, if that’s all there is” He stood up and tilted his head, locking his gaze against Young-woo fervently “I’m an adult who knows exactly what I’m doing. It’s none of your business who I want to deal with day and night, unless it’s about work. I appreciate you being worried and all, but clearly at the end of the day I’ll be responsible with who and when I’ll be fucked and who gets to fuck me over.”

Young-woo conceded and sighs from his seat “I love your tenacity, my friend. But she is different from the girls you used to date, especially your ex” he stood up and walked towards the hallway

Yoongi just nodded. “Okay, but that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Past remains in the past. Live in the present brother, worry about your future... not mine. Well there goes the exit door, if that’s really all you have to say to me. I don’t like entertaining sexism as a visitor” he points him through the exit door as he watches Young-woo leave.

He rolled his eyes, regretting the fact that he gave Young-woo his precious time so conveniently, just to listen to a back story he was clearly uninterested in. What’s the point really? If everyone is living now in the present, what’s there to huddle over in the past? One thing’s for sure, he’s going to spend a few more minutes at the receiving area to look at his phone and find some inspiration over his social media.

Randomly scrolling, he ended up in Seokjin’s profile, entertaining himself with his random pictures with witty captions, illustrations of cute alpacas and his daily dad jokes on his Instagram stories. His eyes suddenly widened when he shifted it to the next photograph and saw a familiar face from Seokjin’s story.

“Was it true?” he breathed.

--

“Yeah, that sounds about right, I assure you Madame Song. Tomorrow is going to be epic” you nodded.

“I’m looking forward to it Ms. Y/N” she giggled, standing up from her seat, ready to leave.

You did the same and bowed before your client, displaying your gratitude and respect. You took a quick glance from the window beside the seat and saw the sun glaring hard on the pavement “Are you sure, is it really okay if you leave right now? Didn’t you say you just had your facial? The sun is pretty hard. Do you at least have an umbrella?”

“Oh, do you? Sorry I forgot mine, can I borrow? I promise to return it to you tomorrow” she asked a bit warily. Of course, they never do.

“Sure” you pulled out your foldable umbrella from your bag and handed it to her.

“Thanks dear. Oh, if you must, bring your plus one” she winked.

You dropped your head and chuckled “C’mon Madame Song, you know I don’t do plus one. I’ll ask Lara to cover that for me instead”

She paused. Her attention was momentarily stolen by something, or someone in front of the cafe window “Well, why don’t you go ask him?” she puckered her lips and pointed out towards the man entering inside the café from its door way.

“What?” you chuckled in disbelief “I can’t just go ask a random stranger and tell-- ” you turned around to see who she was referring to, until you stopped mid-sentence choking on your words.

A man in black shirt, black leather jacket, and a black baseball cap? It must be….

“Seokjin?”

He turned around to see who was calling him “Y/N?” He raised both his brows in genuine surprise.

“Mm...Seems, everything’s pretty planned out now don’t you think?” Madame Song whispered to you close before leaving you on your own. Grinning from ear to ear, knowing she made a lucky guess to find you a prospect date, who isn’t after all a stranger.

“Hey, it’s been so long! It’s nice to see you here!”

“Must be cupid’s work, huh?” Madame Song winked at you both as she left the cafe with your umbrella. You shook your head a little, embarrassed to hear her tease. Then faced the half-god handsome man before you.

You sat back on your chair and offered Seokjin the vacant seat on the front.

“Hm, I honestly don’t know what to say to that, are you working? Was she a client?” he watched you write something down on your planner for a moment.

“Yeah, and we just finished” you clicked the pen and threw your arms up to stretch “and now I can relax. What’s up Kim?”

“Ikseon-dong is where I usually take my walk for coffee and look for inspiration.I like it here, it’s traditional and yet still a very relevant place” he turned around to look at the menu board, attached above on the counter.

“Ah, I see you’re working too…” you nodded. “You know their dirty chai latte is pretty good.” You pointed it out. “So, how’s your agency treating you? I’ve seen you in TDN channel the other night, and got to the scene where you were crying after being left by Park Shin Hye… that was pretty moving”

He laughed with his eyes wrinkling, charming as always. “It was hard convincing myself to cry over a fictional argument revolving over me leaving a Peanut Butter open for long...”

“In her defense, she thought you were cheating on her over Yoon Eun Hye. But before replying to that, tell me who you will end up with, is it her or Yoon Eun Hye? Because if you asked me Yoon Eun Hye might be evil, but I totally understand where she's coming from. So yeah, I’m Team Yoon Eun Hye all the way!” You lowered yourself on the table and leaned towards him.

He squints his eyes and went forward “Not if you watch until the last episode, or you could bribe me with the most expensive thing on the menu”

You shot at him and sighed “Fine, you leave me no choice Mister Celebrity, sir. One Eggs Benedict and House Coffee, on me” he chuckled, knowing fully that those were the cheapest on the menu.

“It’s nice to know you didn’t change at all, Y/N” he gulped and smiled at you.

“Oh yeah? Don’t be disappointed if you found it to be untrue.” You stood up and ordered something for your old flame, well almost… or so you would like to think, if it wasn’t for his groupies who extinguished before it even began.

You two tried to catch on a lot of things, while taking a few photos together. Seokjin has an insane amount of following, compared to the number he had back in college (but was still considerably huge). Yet he wasn’t bothered at all, he still posted whatever he pleased.

Although he was now hyper-aware of everything online, especially the fact that some things might get him in trouble or even getting others into trouble. He made sure to explain things about what was happening in his caption before posting anything. Just to spare them from unnecessary and unfounded hate from his fans.

“Fancy bumping to a college friend *insert smiley emoji*” he said out loud while mindlessly typing it as he hit the post button.

“Why didn’t you put a sticker on my face?”

“Why should I? I already spare you from being tagged. That way, you can still keep your identity hidden, but this face?” He pouts “Too pretty to be kept away”

You blushed, abruptly shaking your head ready to say something as your defense retorted “Is this your way to get in my pants, now that you’re some big shot?”

He folds his arms and twitches his lips to the corner “You thought so lowly of me, I could’ve dated you. Should’ve asked you out 11 years ago, but I didn’t because I was afraid you’d get in to trouble because of me… yet, still you did”

You paused for a moment. “Seokjin. I—”

He batted his eyes and smiled “That night at the frat party, I was about to ask you... but chickened out last minute. I should be the one saying sorry, Y/N. I wish I was there for you; I could only imagine what your college life might have been. How are you holding it?”

You croaked, left momentarily speechless at the sudden revelation that was gradually unfolding before you “I—I’m fine. Thanks to Hoseok, my life from there became bearable. I’m sure he’s the one who shut all the people who were spreading rumors, he just wouldn’t tell”

He nods. “What if he truly wasn’t? Like maybe, somebody other than Hoseok did it for you?”

“You?” you opened your mouth in disbelief.

“It’s the least I could do. Besides, I’m partly to blame '' His phone suddenly buzzed as he pointed a finger to excuse himself for a moment to receive it. “Hey baby, yeah. I’m just here in Ikseon-dong? I’m in “Flower Yard Cafe” Meet? Where?... Okay. I love you, see you in a bit”

You lump on your lips, suppressing a chuckle. For a moment you thought you had a chance with Mr. WorldWide Handsome himself, but man you were eons late. Certainly, there are many times you want to hurl yourself over him regardless if he actually wants you too.

You were then so close to not giving any more damn to the ladies who would build a fort to push any of his prospects away. Yet maybe that’s how the world works, maybe you don’t deserve all the nice things because that’s how you were designed to live your life… or maybe it’s how the world chastises you for choosing to live a life in debauchery. Either way, You and Seokjin will never happen. That’s pretty much engraved in your destiny, if that’s not obvious enough.

“I’m sorry I got to go, my girlfriend’s having a fit”

“Hm, maybe you should delete your post about us?”

“Girl, you think I’m doing this for you? I want to annoy the girls who shit on my chance with you…”

You laughed. “Hm. Openly flirting with me still? You are playing on dangerous water, sir… How about we try next life Kim, yeah?”

“Ofcourse, just don’t get swoon with my face alone when that happens.”

You nodded in between chuckles as you bid goodbye and watched him leave the cafe. You began fixing your things and putting everything on your handbag when suddenly you heard the sound of drizzle.

“Ugh, should’ve known! That blaring sun definitely looks like it’s gonna invite rain soon... I gave my umbrella to Mrs. Song!” you complained to no one, whining softly from your seat.

Not wanting to spend another hour inside, especially when you needed to send a few paperwork to your boss for a report, you decided to just throw yourselves over the harsh rain “Know what? Fuck it, let’s just run and get wet again” you pushed the door away from you, ready to run while holding on to your handbag that was barely covering your head.

As the door swiveled far, you began to notice that the rain that was supposed to be falling over your head wasn’t just…there. You turned around and found Yoongi. His arms extended to you, holding an umbrella for you. You watched him smile despite slightly getting showered.

“Yoongi?”

“Why are you always asking the obvious? Hey Y/N” He scooted over inside the umbrella, arms pressing and pulling you close to him. His free hand held on to the handle slightly tilted, making sure you remained dry than he is. You stood there, completely frozen. Too stunned to see him at a time when you needed someone.

“You certainly like to get wet often, huh?” he snickered, trying to diffuse the momentary silence.

“It depends on the situation… I-uh… what are you doing here?”

“I was just having a walk. The weather looks good” he subtly gulped, eating his lie. After seeing you on Seokjin’s instagram, he immediately called and asked where he was. Seokjin, knowing Yoongi fully for years, did not bother to ask any more questions as he simply answered where he is currently located.

“Oh yeah?” you tilt your head to look at the dark sky.

“Well, it was, until it suddenly started to rain. Where are you headed?”

“Back in my office, just a few blocks from here. You?”

“What a coincidence, I am too”

“You also work there?” you chuckled

He rolled his eyes and sighed “Okay you got me, just let me take you there unscathed. I’ll go back to strolling around the city  looking for inspiration for the song I am working on. But until then, I have to see you get there, so that I could put myself at ease knowing you went to your work completely dry.”

“Aw, that is so gentleman of you. You better credit me when you find that inspiration you were saying” you playfully teased, knowing fully well you’ll give zero contribution to his work.

He chuckled. Making you suck an air to see another gummy smile from him, which he is very frugal of him to do.

“Perhaps I will,” he shrugged, smiling weakly as he faced the street. You swiftly turn to face him, bewildered to see his sincere intent. Will he really? Thoughts were starting to run around your head.

Clearly, when was the last time you’ve been held by a man? Was it yesterday during sex with Jinyoung a fellow regular from the cafe next to your office? Or was it during a dodgeball game during 8th grade where Taecyeon, your crush pulled you away from getting hit by a ball? Or perhaps the time when your father took you in his arms when you got bruised? You could no longer remember, because right in the middle of the rain, underneath the transparent umbrella, you watched the rain fall while Yoongi was there holding you in his arms…and that was all you could think.

For the very first time, you felt safe and secured. It was warm and seemed full of ardent affection. You failed to put words into what you were feeling, because evidently you had nothing on it from your catalog for inner feelings. Yoongi remains to hold onto you close, while continuing to walk on the streets under the heavy rain... And you yielded unto him.

The feeling was so foreign and novel that you were starting to feel scared. You are so afraid of the feeling of this unfamiliarity, and perhaps the thought of it that it might one day become … too familiar.

Suddenly it dawned on you, in this seemingly game of feelings like seesaw, he was now taking the leverage because you were starting to get your high.

And for the first time in years, you were unsure how this would turn out.

A/N: Ahhhh THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GIVING TIME! I can finally share my song inspo for this  chapter. I know the lyrics isn’t appropriate to the story, but I was just vibing to this while I was watching this video when I was doing my cardio on a machine. I quickly thought of THAT scene and I was all too UwU the whole time. Anyway, hope you all have a great day! THANKING MY BETA READER FOR GIVING HER PRECIOUS TIME FOR THIS 🙃 love you! you know who you are 😉

[seragamble]

Season 12 of SPN but Better

This is my rewrite of s12 in which the main changes are after Lucifer knocks up Kelly he fucks off back to the cage, the BMOL are actually scary, and the narrative finally interrogates how people who aren’t human are treated. Note: I use monster and non-human interchangeably here. (Thank you @autisticandroids for your help with this post.)

The season starts off the same. Sam is perhaps a little more suicidal during his kidnapping, having just lost Dean and fresh off of having to be around Lucifer.

Sam’s myriad of mental health issues pop up here and there throughout the season, after Lucifer and dealing with what Lady Bevell did to him. He does his best to make sure none of this is seen by his family, but Dean eventually figures it out.

At least two episodes where the A Plot is Cas and Crowley investigating a case.

“American Nightmare” is just the start of a theme we see throughout the season of Sam bonding with monsters/non-humans/the ‘other’. He becomes a resource for them and in turn connecting with them helps him feel better about himself.

Cutting the Hitler episode because that was seriously just… :l

Instead Aaron comes back and it’s just a fun episode

Samantha Smith is amazing as Mary but please just take a moment to imagine “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox” if Mary’s actor was actually ~28

At the end of “LOTUS” Lucifer goes back in the cage 

The events of First Blood take place over two episodes so we can gets stuff like: 

Cas and Mary hunting together

Cas and Mary (separately and together) threatening people they think can help them find Sam and Dean

Dean and Sam (Sam especially) losing their grip on reality whilst in confinement 

Instead of the American hunters largely rejecting the BMOL many of them embrace them. Mostly thanks to the weapons they freely provide. The BMOL also import their idea of “Hey shouldn’t ALL monsters be dead actually.” This becomes a serious issue as we get to see that there are plenty of monsters who aren’t hurting anyone, but are now being hunted.

At the end of “The Raid” we get our first foreshadowing of what else the BMOL are doing when that hunter, who betrayed them to the vampires, is taken to an onsite facility full of various monsters in cages.

The boys have a case that ends up being hunters who fucked around by going after innocent monsters, and found out. It’s a not at all subtle allegory about two monster siblings, where the older sister killed a pair of hunters to protect her little brother. This is the tipping point where Dean finally has a major mental shift in how he views and treats monsters.

There’s also a case where they look into weird supernatural phenomena and it turns out to be the result of hunters disrupting completely (super)natural stuff. It’s an episode about a supernatural creature that has zero interest in killing humans, they’re just strange and otherworldly, and hunters persecuting them has caused a major local disruption in the world.

Instead of the BMOL having their students fight one another to death, they have them kill monster children. We get a flashback of Mick killing a crying werewolf boy.

After Mick has his change of mind about what the BMOL are doing they don’t kill him. Instead he is taken to the facility (seen previously at the end of “The Raid”). This is where the BMOL experiment on monsters, as well as dispose of humans by using them as test subjects. There’s a scene where we see that hunter from before get injected with something, go through a weird mutation, and dies.

The timeline has to be shifted around a little, but instead of Cas being off in heaven trying to find something to find Kelly (which lead nothing to the narrative and went nowhere) the BMOL just make it seem like that’s what he did, while really they have him locked up.

Their reasoning being that if a nephilim is going to be born they want to know all they can about angels, but also they just genuinely don’t see anyone who isn’t human as a person so why not experiment on them. The whole experience is really dehumanizing.

Ketch is there, and I would like to remind everyone about the line, “I do enjoy an angel,” which is a) haunting, and b) implies Ketch has dealt with angels before.

Remember how in “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” Cas can immediately identify that angel blade as being Benjamin’s? Ketch has a few and taunts Cas about what he may or may not have done to their owners.

They torture Cas/do a lot of medical experimentation. The torture is “extremely horny for no reason, shave your chest father of two it’s fanservice time”-y (thank u autisticandroids).

On the brighter side, Mick and Cas bond during their captivity because Cas deserves to have a friend who isn’t a Winchester. Also go ask @autisticandroids about this.

We see Mick question his long held beliefs about monsters and grow more as a character. He also gets turned into something, perhaps a Shapeshifter.

During this time we get to know various other monsters being held and undergoing experimentation.

Instead of Mary finding out Mick is dead she finds out about the facility. Same thing happens as in canon where they brainwash her. This time she’s just killing hunters who won’t fall in line with the BMOL, instead of all American hunters (which I feel made no sense).

Garth comes back at some point because of course he does. Why have an entire season about people who want to eradicate all monsters and then not bring back their one friend who would be most affected by this? His whole family and community are at risk of death if the BMOL have their way.

“Twigs and Twines and Tasha Banes” happens next season because I want Max and Alicia to be part of the attack on the BMOL and it’s better for their narrative if they disappear for a while before coming back after that episode. Instead they show up in a standard motw episode to drive home the fact that it’s fucked up to automatically consider witches to be evil.

One of the narrative points would be how the BMOL tolerance of witches is extremely conditional on them only using their magic for them, and the presence of the BMOL in America has led to an increasingly hostile environment for the Banes family.

The people the Winchesters recruit to help them attack the BMOL facility are a mix of monsters they’ve helped out, and hunters who respect them/didn’t fall in line/have noticed their friends getting murdered. 

The end result is the beginning of a new relationship between hunters and non-humans.

It might be odd after a season long narrative about not demonizing people just because they’re not human, to have the Winchesters still be all “Let’s forcibly abort this fetus,” but, with the added element of Sam dealing with his Lucifer trauma all season, I think it would make sense to have Dean be in extra Protective Mode™. That combined with Cas, fresh off of having to be rescued and feeling even worse about himself, decides to take the Kline issue into his own hands. The narrative follows along with canon. Since Lucifer isn’t around it’s AU!Michael who kills Cas and Mary tackles back through the rip.

Alternatively if you hate that and want something more domestic you can picture the following: with their newfound POV TFW rescues Kelly and takes her back to the bunker, promising they’ll take care of her child.

[sandayuswife]

Hello! First i want to say im so happy to found your acc since you're discussing the mentality state of the Kirigakure siblings, Sandayu and Hanzo too! 🤧

Sec, can i request you write a psychoanalysis on Genya? Hehe😊

I wish your studies more success!

@nich-u Thank you so much! <3 I'm glad that the content pleases you:) Since psychoanalyses base on mental health alone, I've decided to write a broader analysis this time. This is going to be VERY long, and so fun to write!

Fujibayashi Genya: Mental health & Personality Analysis

So, we'll start by taking a deep look into his childhood and mental health, and lastly analyze his personality using the five factor model and a few additional criteria. Let's begin :)

At the beginning of his route, Genya is introduced as a laid-back, lazy shinobi with inscrutable motives. Gradually, we figure more and more of his demeanor being a mask, which he uses both as a coping mechanism as well as means to keep his feelings and motivations behind a veil.

Later on, we find out that it was his love for Sakuya and death of their mother that has forced Genya to change drastically – which is where we will start our digging.

Childhood & Mental health

Judging from the small pieces of chapters in which we see the Fujibayashi twins and MC interact in the past, as well as Genya’s statements, it is clear that the twins were neglected, yet unlikely emotionally abused. Adding to the stability of their psyche in the earliest years was their close relationship, and thus ability to replace the emotional care they sought from their parents.

Coming to the first event that forces Genya to change - At a still very young age, he witnesses his mother's death during an attack on the village. Not only did she fall while protecting him, but also, those following were her last words:

Assuming that it was most likely Genya’s first time openly receiving emotional care from his mother, and that the chief did not seem to care about her death (simply disposed of the body, apparently), the causes of the event resulted in PSTD, which became chronic for the rest of his life (as it is a common occurrence with children).

A short time after that, we are shown that Genya proceeds to focus all of his care and attention on Sakuya: Trains with him, renounces his own needs to let his twin have more options, and even motivates MC to grow closer to Sakuya, although it was somewhere implied that he himself was 'drawn to her sunny smile'.

Being able to do so and direct positive energy at someone he loves has helped Genya to cope with the incident, although he could not tell a soul about his mother’s last words - The knowledge would hurt his twin, In Genya’s opinion. Having to speculate about such outcomes, think many steps ahead, keep his feelings behind a lock, and due to possible symptoms of PSTD, Genya has matured quickly; and it was more than visible in his behavior.

Next, we know that the Mitsuba have betrayed Fujibayashi village as the twins were approximately 10 years old. A while after that, they had to accomplish a special, long-term mission in order to become fully-pledged shinobi. Beside the fact that he himself has suffered from his own (disposing of bodies ‘as if they were worthless’), he noticed how much suffering Sakuya’s mission has caused his twin. He understood that his brother will only be able to cope with the trauma if he was to run from his feelings.

Being Sakuya’s ‘childhood hero’, as Sakuya himself has stated, Genya knew that if he were to express negative opinions and feelings toward the village, his twin would break his own resolve and agree with him. Thinking their fate unvoidable, Genya has made a choice to break their connection by being the opposite of what a shinobi should be, but still protect and support Sakuya from the shadows.

Personality

Now let’s take a look at Genya’s personality in general, since until now, we have been only focusing on his family.

I will be using the five factor model, which has a scoring system, to do so, although we have to keep in mind that his trauma and personal experiences play big roles in these traits:

1. Openness to experience

Low score. Genya prefers routine, and is wary of uncertainty and the unknown. I have mentioned at the beginning that Genya uses his laid-back lifestyle as a coping mechanism - Independence and space give him an opportunity to breathe. However, he generally does not run from his feelings and is well aware of who and what he cares about.

2. Conscientiousness

High score. He is aware of his actions and their consequences, and has a sense of responsibility, regardless of how much he claims not to do so. Genya exhibits goal-oriented behavior every time it truly matters (grumbling aside). His missions are organized and practically executed.

3. Extroversion

Mid score. Genya is an ambivert (neither an introvert nor extravert). He enjoys being alone, thinking and reflecting, just as much as he enjoys socializing and meeting new people.

4. Agreeableness

High score. Genya is co-operative, and willing to help others in times of need. He respects hardworking individuals, dislikes being involved in arguments, seeks internal and external state of peace. Levels of agreeableness tend to increase with age.

5. Neuroticism

Low score. Genya is able to remain calm in response to stressful situations, and view problems in proportion to their importance. As a result, he tends to worry about such problems to a lesser extent. Of course, this excludes extreme situations, like losing a loved one (in regard to his frustration in the route endings).

Since the model does not cover all that can be interpreted, let’s add a few more criteria:

6. Behavior

Genya tries to cover up many of his positive traits with a mask of a lazy, money-grubbing and disrespectful shinobi, as we all well know. Doing so leaves him more freedom, forces others to lower their expectations, and allows him to expectantly sidestep minor duties in case of an emergency. This, of, course, serves his goals and routines very well.

7. Morality

Genya has a deep understanding and a broad view of the world. He understands the role of each person, that every individual is shaped by the environment, and while he naturally opposes to being a shinobi, he does not proceed to immediately judge or dislike someone of his own kind, although doing otherwise would be a much easier task.

This could be explained by his world-view as well. He mentions that he is ‘like a bird in a cage’, and the same could most likely be said of all shinobi, in his opinion. Because he views the shadows as a place of grief, there is a chance he is less consumed by guilt for killing those who share his origins.

So, I've written a ton, and could write a ton more. There truly is so much more I could address, but I can always write a second part in case particular questions rise, so let me know:) Also, feel free to comment your opinion or something you would add!

Have a great day<3

-A

[doloresdraws]

I am slowly filling this OC question meme with all my WoD characters and it is a lot of fun, but also very exhausting.

Here is your chance to get to know more about Stanley, my sewer goblin Nosferatu boy ❤ ❤ ❤

❤ There is also a video process of this painting on my Youtube channel ❤

1) Stanley rarely gets angry, when he is supposed to be angry he instead get anxious and either starts to talk nonsense or stays silent.

2) He finds the idea lovely, but he knows that he will never meet anyone he could call a soulmate

3) More than being a pet peeve it just really makes him uncomfortable: when people are loudly shouting at him or at someone else.

4) He often thinks about his early childhood before he was seprated from his baby sister.

5) Probably the time he spent in the hospital before he found out about the Nosferatu and became their ghoul. Before that incident, he was feeling safe, taken care of and loved having a routine, knowing the place well and always looked forward to visits from his sister.

6) When he was separated from his sister and put into different foster homes.

7) He wouldn’t even go to a bar, too many people and too loud for his taste.

8) He was pretty badly beaten up when he was  living on the street, but nothing was ever broken. After the Embrace he made Maks (his Sire) pretty unhappy a few times which resulted in him getting a few broken ribs. He tries to stay away from danger, but sometimes it doesn’t work out.

9) He would like to forget finding a dead woman’s body in the sewers.

10) His happiest memory is playing peek-a-boo with his sister in the driveway, he was oblivious about the world and his future. Life was good at that moment.

11) No, he doesn’t. His type is everyone who would treat him nice and made him feel safe :) He currently has a woman he got kinda attached to, only because she was nice to him when he accidentally bumped into her on the street. He had a hoodie over his face and it was dark. She thought he was a homeless kid. She helped him gather all of the small trinkets he dropped in the collision and he was captivated by her kindness, so he followed her home XD

12) Many – he has a collection of various random things he found in the sewers, he collects everything that catches his attention – mainly some personal things like rings, bracelettes, scrunchies, he even found a photo album. He remembers the exact place he found each of his possessions and he likes to imagine stories for each item. He keeps bracelet of the dead woman in case he would one day found out her identity and could return it to her family.

13+14) He has no tattoos or piercings, only way too many fangs in his small mouth that pierce his lips and cheeks XD

15) His dream house would be somewhere where he would be frozen in time as a happy child together with his sister.

16) You would not expect to find out that he is actually not a child, but a grown man, his small and frail stature is deceiving.

17) He has always good intentions with gifts, but he is not the best at choosing gifts XD  He misjudges other people’s interest in smelly, sewer treasures XD

18) He knows he has a great memory, but because it has brought him so much trouble, both internal and external, he isn’t really proud or even happy he has an eidetic memory.

19) A stranger would describe him as a weird, smelly kid who talks too fast XD

20) Someone who spent more time around him and got to know him more (Mateusz) would describe him as a scared, smol man who might look like he can’t even count to ten but is actually very clever, but let others walk all over him because he is afraid of conflict.

21) He, himself is a walking insecurity :) But his biggest one is to not be understood when talking as he normally talks pretty fast, but when he is nervous and considering how many fangs he has it is sometimes hard for him to make sense and then he gets even more agitated as he is worried he will convey the message in a wrong way.

22) Physical: dexterity, non-physical: wits

23) Depends on the nature of the lie, most likely he would just nod and tried to understand the reason why he was lied to.

24) He has fond memories of the summer as when he was on the street, summer nights were warm and he didn’t have to worry about freezing to death. Aside this he is indifferent to the weather.

25) From romantic point of view he never had anyone he could say these words to, in general terms he only said I love you to his sister. He wouldn’t have a problem saying it first, but as a Nossie he knows that chances of him finding someone who would even want to spend time with him are almost none, so he will probably never say it to anyone else.

26) His only issue with openly sharing his worries is his fear of not being believed or worse be punished, so it depends on the person. If he knows that the person won’t get angry at him, he will share his worries.

27) No, he never saw anyone die. But the dead woman in the sewers was the first dead body he saw and he can’t erase the empty look on her face, it haunts him every night. He feels sad for her, being left there nameless, alone, dumped like trash. She surely had family somewhere and maybe they are still looking for her to this day…just like his sister is looking for him…

28) He totally is ticklish, he is very sensitive to touch, mainly because he is not used to be touched at the first place.

29) Very low pain tolerance, he hates being in physical pain and he knows that he now can heal pretty much everything, but it doesn’t take away the fact that he would much rather avoid getting hurt in the first place.

30) He wishes he would have been brave enough to say no to some of the things he is asked to do.

31) He isn’t a particularly messy eater, he mainly feeds on rats, not because of the guilt, but because he thinks that feeding from mortals is very stressful and scary ordeal.

32) Most unloved: when he got stuck obfuscated in the same room as the woman he followed home and unfortunately had to watch her and her date being intimate with each other. Not only he felt innapropriate, but it made him feel so lonely and sad that he never in his life felt so safe with someone to share such closeness and now he never will.

33) When he was reunited with his sister after years apart. Despite her being the younger sibling she   basically took care for him and did everything she could to get his mental health problems under control.

34) He would most likely hate to lose touch as he likes to touch things XD On the other hand he would gladly lost hearing, so he could no longer spy on people :D

35) He likes small talk, because it feels relaxing and he doesn’t have to worry about saying too much.

36) He would have asked Maks if he ever cared about him as a person or if he just considered him a tool, a good asset to have because of his memory skills.

37) To the past, to his early childhood to spend more time as a naive child with the person he cares the most in the world.

38) positive: his sister – she made him feel loved and made him feel like he mattered, the staff and other patients in the hospital – they made him feel safe, cared for and not alone, negative: various people he met while he was on the street, his foster families, and to an extent his biological parents though he didn’t meet with them after.

39) Depends, in the hospital he liked being surrounded by people because they were nice and he felt safe with them, as a Nossie he prefers to be alone because the other Kindred most often than not scare him. He likes to spend time with Jamie (the ghoul that is living in the sewers with them) because of her child-like personality, she seems harmless and he likes that.

40) The scary thing that he had seen in one part of the tunnels one night, nobody believes him but he is pretty sure there is something terriyfing livin there. Aside this probably his Sire Maks, but he had heard that he met Final death.. apparently by Mateusz’s hands of all people…

Stanley © me/doloresdraws