#full feature film

[tofusquisha]

fusilli release (epic)

[mirrorhouse]

i had to make gifs of this

[dapg-otmebytheballs]

Tape 6 // Phil Lester

[fourorfivemovements]

Films Watched in 2024: 87. The Pit and the Pendulum (1991) - Dir. Stuart Gordon

[cronengirly]

Fuck it, compiling some of my more unhinged letterboxd reviews

I have more but there's a 10 image limit here so uhhh.. I might make a part 2?

[ghoulishtomato]

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM KNOCKOFF MOVIE???

Under the "keep reading" tab, you will see a bullet list of my reaction to a movie I found at Half-Priced Books called Night at the Magic Museum. It'll be me pointing out things about the movie and what I enjoy and whatnot. I do my best to describe what happens in the movie but, again, it's mostly reactions, so not a reliable play by play of the movie's events.

First, the basic plot synopsis of the movie that they have in the back of the DVD case (which is completely true and accurate to the events of the film):

⚡ During a fierce electrical storm, lightning hits a museum creating a magical passageway between our world and the world within the museum's paintings. Ben and Kim (brother and sister) find themselves transported to a 17th century village under siege by Falco, an evil sorcerer learned in the ways of black magic. The kids learn that the evil Falco is in search of the village's most prizes possession: The Jewel of Polaris. With the Jewel, Falco will be unstoppable. Ben and Kim must save the village and return to our world before it's too late.⚡

Now, onto my actual (a little bit disjointed) commentary:

before the actual movie, there was a trailer that had some lovely 90s Fantasy Whimsy, and the scenes/compositions scratched my brain just right that now my hopes for NAT(M)M are probably way too high now. Also, the trailer was for something called The Tiny Kingdom, so ofc my NATM brain thought of Jed and Oct

LOVE the orchestra music that plays over a black screen as they list the credits. If they really wanted to rip off NATM tho, they coulda shown us B Roll of the magic museum. But it serves it's purpose and I love orchestra music so I'm not bothered.

We are now in 1632. A Sharp tongued British man named Falco is sneering at his subordinates (?) and my Red Dwarf brainrot has immediately projected Arnold Rimmer onto him.

Falco is kind of cunty actually. And also sounds EXACTLY like Rimmer.

Very obvious ADR for this one side character, but otherwise, not the worst production! I enjoy this!

This would fuck as an old anime, that's what the dialogue feels like.

It's probably impertinent that I tell y'all right now that I fuck with older shit and actively enjoy what people nowadays would likely call major flaws and "ruining the immersion".

hAHA ISTG THERE IS JUST SOME DUDE WHO ACCIDENTALLY FELL INTO THE SHOT WHEN HE DIDN'T MEAN TO, I LOVE LIVE THEATRE 💀

Some... Editing discrepancies... They say it is raining outside... No it's not 💀 And not enough for there to be flashes of blue lightning visible from inside. But luckily I possess a strong will for suspension of disbelief. And the blue lightning is just sort of a running motif through the movie as a reminder of the real world while they're in the painting.

Ben and Kim are mentioned in the plot synopsis, but they leave out the fact they have a little sister named Casey, who I argue is pretty important to the movie. Kim works at the museum and she has to bring Ben and Casey along with her.

Omg, Armour in a museum. Like Lancelot.

Okay VERY obvious ADR line that was supposed to be said by young teen Ben, but the ADR'd voice sounds like a grown ass man 💀? Quite a few noticable ADR moments that don't quite match up with what's on screen throughout the movie actually.

Alright, paintings can come to life because of lightning. No Egyptian magic here.

God, Ben is such a 90s teen boy.

Very clearly the draw of this movie is not the museum- like at all. It's this ONE painting functioning as a portal and the legit world it leads to. Not in any art style a la the black and white painting in Smithsonian, or the Escher painting in Secret of the Tomb. Just a straight up other world. Painting just sucks Ben and Kim in after lightning strike and spits them out into a hay pile in fantasy land.

There's a menacing guy who fell out of a painting and is now up and about in the museum (not important).

Older sister Kim is coming to ridiculous conclusions to blame Ben for the situation they're in (a la annoying big sister stereotype) but Ben's responses are so calm, candid, and reasonable that it's not annoying to me HAHA

Ben's so fucking funny actually HAHA. Everyone has had at least one surprisingly funny line actually

This Fantasy world low-key reminds me of The Legend of Zelda and I fuck with it. Just a little bit. (But everyone is basically human here; no fish people, or even fairies or hell, not even elves).

Falco is such a cunty asshole. Excellent villain so far oh my gAWD. He's so evil.

People keep mocking each other in this movie it's so funny.

HAHA, OKAY SO- They gave us a magician guy (M) who indirectly is responsible for Lincoln's assassination. This movie is so delightful. M is my new favorite.

M is there, btw, because Casey likes to draw, and he's basic her OC that they manage to get into the painting (in order to help Ben and Kim get home and whatnot) by sticking here drawing to the painting they're in. Yeah, Casey's just hanging in the museum with a security guard named Monty (who also play the magician M. The actor actually has some nice range in this movie!).

If you're like crazy about world building, I hate to tell you that s o m e of the stuff about this isn't real clear to me (like, it's implied the fantasy characters also existed in the real world or something but like??? That doesn't make sense here) so like 💀💀

Fun and creative puzzle moment near the climax :D Just one though. Also, Ben likes to roller skate, and that's helpful for this cave he's in to find some magic jewel to help him and Kim get home (and that he's gotta find before Falco).

Also there was a cave in this movie that Istg I saw in a dream...

There's this voiceover narration for some "Tests of bravery and intelligence" Ben has to do, and the narrator sounds like Crispin Freeman to me, heehee (it's def not him tho).

Btw, sister Kim has been delegated to prisoner waiting to be rescued but this is a late 90s fantasy movie so like... what do I expect.

The acting is kind of 1 Note, all on the same level for the most part. It's not bad by any means, of course, they've all been funny at least.

...... This movie had an extremely lackluster and borderline disappointing climax with all the fantasy land magic jewel shit... 💀 Falco deserved something more grand...

Btw, remember how I said there was a guy from a painting wondering around? Well he seemed to be after Casey for unknown reasons. But he was hardly in the movie 💀 He seemed to pose a threat near the end, but dispatching him was "super easy. Barely an inconvenience!" (A sword shot out of fantasy land painting for some reason and killed him before meeting him back into his painting).

So that's it. Literally NOTHING like Night at the Museum save for magic painting portal. Again, as mentioned in my previous post about the movie (and based on how the movie just looks and functions) it was made in like '99.

So what the fuck is the deal with the EXTREMELY NOTICEABLE Night at the Museum coattail riding???

Well, the company that released the movie (from what I can tell) is Moonbeam films, which wasn't founded until 2012- bUT it's parent company is Full Moon features, which was founded in 1988. So if I were to guess, perhaps Full Moon features made the movie, but Moonbeam released it on DVD.

NOW, THE ORIGINAL TITLE FOR THIS FILM WAS ACTUALLY Search for the Jewel of Polaris: Mysterious Museum. But when it was released on DVD in August of 2012, it was renamed to Night at the Magic Museum (it looks like it had a few other different names it could've been called as well, including just The Magic Museum or Mysterious Museum).

Both these production companies or whatever don't make like... The best films, I guess. Or at the very least, very tongue-in-cheek goofy ass movies that aren't trying to be cinema or anything (which is so valid of them). In fact, Full Moon features is known for shit like Evil Bong, Gingerdead Man, and Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong.

The point is- they're not particularly high quality or serious about their movies and productions if I were to take a lucky guess (cause I'm not gonna search THAT deep into this; I'm not a YouTuber who can get paid for it 💀).

SO- I THINK...

Moonbeam Films changed the movie title AND specifically designed the DVD case to match Night at the Museum as close as they possibly could (from the composition down to the font) YEARS after the movie was originally made/released, and a few years after Night at the Museum released it's sequel, Battle of the Smithsonian. Hell, the kid on the DVD cover doesn't even look like the movie's MC, Ben (left) 💀 They just grabbed some random white boy to pose SPECIFICALLY for this.

NATM had proven itself to be- like- EXTREMELY fucking popular among kids, families, and a bunch of gay people who want to see that tiny cowboy and Roman kiss. Like we see with lots of bootlegs, they were likely banking on riding the coattails of NATM's success in order to make money on their low budget crummy movie...

Except like.... Search for the Jewel of Polaris isn't bad? It's nowhere near the level Night at the Museum is production wise, of course. But it's got a homey feel to it. It's got an actual story it's telling, and the actor's do quite a good job! (Especially in the beginning of the movie). It is it's own, quaint little movie that I would like to watch a second time.

To ride on the coattails of another movie kind of shows insecurity about the movie's actual contents I think. I mean, that dinosaur, knight, pirate ship, and weird alien thing we see on the cover?? Not in the damn movie 💀 This attempt to be dishonest about what the movie has to offer while also maybe hoping people confuse it with another, successful movie in order to milk money out of it just looks bad on Moonbeam Films' behalf.

In conclusion: Search for the Jewel of Polaris is NOT a Night at the Museum ripoff, and could never have been, what with being made 6-7 years before the first NATM actually came out. It was rebranded in 2012 as Night at the Magic Museum for DVD releases by Moonbeam Films. It's a cute, simple little movie with it's own charming characters and concept, and you can feel the human touch/heart all throughout it 💛💛

Thank You for reading. ☺️✨ Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be thinking about Falco for forever til eternity.

[tasticturbo]

[mariocki]

Doctor X (1932)

"If you ask me, I think Dr. Xavier is using very unethical methods."

"Necessity has no ethics, sir."

[zachfett]

Dollman (1991) Directed by Albert Pyun Cinematography by George Mooradian

[brokehorrorfan]

Full Moon has released a full-scale replica of the bloodstone from the Subspecies franchise. Cast from the screen-used prop, the light-up statue measures 8.5" high, 7" long, and 5" wide.

Limited to 300, it costs $299.95. A certificate of authenticity signed by director Ted Nicolaou and producer Charles Band is included.

[cassettedec]

nothing will ever replicate the feeling of watching The Gang Dines Out (2012) for the first time

[door]

due to alamo scheduling and not realizing these two showings were on the same day until after tickets for both had been bought, i attended a double feature of mad max fury road (specifically the black and chrome edition) and the mummy today. spent a solid 5.5 hours in the cinema. best movies ever made

[repurposedmeatlocker]

With the new Disney movie Wish out, I find it interesting how a lot of people's criticism comes down to the argument that "Disney used to be about artistry and pushing the animated medium. Now, it is only concerned with being commercially appealing and financially safe."

While this has some truth to it, it feels awfully simplistic in regards to what the studio actually, and always has, represented. Even back when the studio first came to fruition, commercialism was ALWAYS a part of the Disney formula. There are definitely films that diverge from this, but ultimately, it is the financial superiority of the company that has allowed it to stand in power for so long. It may have just been a small element in the beginning, but it is a growing factor that only now has taken unashamed center stage.

A film like Wish is not showing the company "falling to the evils of capitalism." It is showing, in bold text, the dark shadow that has been behind the corporation the whole time!

[slimewalk]

[duckiemimi]

from the river to the sea.

[horrorlesbians]

i've been realizing how a couple of my future film ideas are more thrillers with horror elements than actual horror movies but I'm okay with that. gone girl is my favorite film for a reason