#fucking. S H A D I N G

[ss-trashboat]

he's done! finished commish of jack boy perry jungle ~

[pintsofguinnesmakeyoustrong]

NPMD best line deliveries

oh shit! oh fuck!! i didnt think thered be a skele'uhn here ?!? im so fucking scared of skele'uhnz!!!

dont frighten him pokey you nasssssty boy

were going to jail...and with my luck no one will even B O T H E R making me their bitch...

🐦 heyus the thing about a bãrbĕqüe...it brings folks together...from awl wawlks of laife...theyres a storhé behand everyh burrghurr...everyh kehbahhb...

but I...called God a sonofa B word...who am iaieEUGHAHuhuuuh...

[jekyllnahyena]

u think ur safe till the 1.92 m niqabi pulls out a magical Zweihänder

have a witcher au featuring royal knight Bushra to Fox surly princess with witcher Riyo and instigator/king Ponds!

putting the vague story under the cut for funsies :D

Bushra is Fox’ royal guard, charged with the princess safety and they’re hopelessly in love. Ponds, who’s had enough of of this courtly love and them making terrible love-struck eye contact all day, decides to leave in the knowledge that Fox would never go for her feelings with him present 80 percent of the time. (he’s using the opportunity to investigate a sighting of Jango, who should be very much dead, thank you).

But!

Knowing that Bushra would simply pull double duty and never relax to keep Fox extra safe now, decides to put out a call out for the most ‘diplomatic’ witcher, so Bushra will feel more assured in chilling for a bit.

Riyo has been unwittingly thrown into the whole ordeal and arrives at court because the new king, whomst she and her comerades have never met, declared her presence of ‘utter importance’. She meets the incognito traveling king on her way there and is slightly confused by this stranger casually dropping into convo with her, that does not happen to a witcher, but moves on. Ponds meanwhile has the time of his life, knowing he sent Riyo to Fox, who, famously absolutely does not want anyone she doesn’t know at court, this is more stress, Ponds, why the fuck did you ask for a witcher to come here?!

Shenanigans ensue, Riyo is stuck there now and gets a vague idea of what’s going on by seeing Fox and Bushra interact for 0.5 seconds, so she stays there to play bodyguard and watch those two go on their Not-Dates. (the moment she stepped before Fox, the princess looked at her, said “No.” and walked straight out of the room. There’s a reason Ponds asked for the ‘most diplomatic’ one.)

When Ponds returns mere minutes after Fox has finally asked for Bushra’s hand in marriage, he meets a very exasperated and exhausted Riyo, who marches up to him with a pointed finger and a very angry “Y O U”, to which he goes “who? me? :)”

Fox courted Bushra with another sword btw. She now has another magical one, next to her terrifying Zweihänder :)

[miquella-everywhere]

LITERALLY HOW

HOW DO YOU FUCK UP THIS BADLY

[stormbreaker-290]

storm

Fem Mal to the song "Henrietta Hudson" by Megagonefree

if you haven't listened to the song, be warned

It gave my major pain panic

HSHSEHWJWJHABSHWYWJQGWHAHXBGAYDUWYAHWUWJHANABSNBDNAHXHCUWYWHSWGEYQUEHQUSHEUQHXKNSXBHAEHWHABEHWBEBHQNAJEIAHEJWBSJDGEHADJWOHSIEHQBDHWJAUEHWUAHEWJAHHSUEHAHSBWJABSJEHAJHDJWHAJDJEBSIWHESHHDYEIWYDIEHAJXBSJCBSKDHWIJXKXUSISHXKXNXNSYISWAJXJDHWISBXNSJXHDIDSKSHDKSHDIENSKXHSNDJSHSJAHXKSJSHAIDEHIANDBEBXNDBSHEIWHXJSHCJSJXJSKXNSJXNSKXNWJHDWKXNSNXHSJXJSNJXSJJXJSJDHSJDHWJSHJSWJDHWJSHAJDBAJXBSJXBXJSHUEDSMCMCHSUWKWHQJSJXHEJWHXSHNXUWJDWNICYWIWAHJDBCNXHAKJXKSUSIWHSKXNAJDYUWSJHXJSBXNSJCNSKAHDIWDJSB

[dragonartist56]

So

I just finished Frontiers of Pandora for the first time

I uh…

I hope you guys aren’t expecting me to be normal

Because…

I won’t be :’)

Uh

Spoilers in the tags

Also

Also a l o t of screaming

[87dvhnk]

"i read the wiki and i saw the pages/panels already, why do i need to read the comics?"

because a) some those comics fuck with awing dexterity and stamina b) there's a good chance shit is out of context or simply misrepresented (innocently, humorously, ignorantly or maliciously) and c) you know the beats/endings of tons of shit, but it doesn't impede your enjoyment of it, now does it? sure it's nice to go in spoiler free, but if the gimmick of spoiling material is all a piece of media has, then that piece of media is meritless. you knew who luke skywalker's father was before you saw the movie. is it still worth watching? you knew romeo and juliet died before you read the play. is it still worth reading? do you not want to go on a journey? do you not want to feel something? do you not want to commiserate about the human experience through art? a wiki will never be comprehensive enough to cover everything you would have read or seen yourself--it can't be, not without being the thing itself. even then, you still miss the things not on the page/screen, the things that are only implied, the things that go unstated, or else conspicuously omitted. don't talk to me about shit haunting the narrative if the only haunting you've ever been apart of was your passing despite your dogshit analysis skills haunting the conscience of your eng 101 adjunct professor in perpetual fear of losing their contract and being relocated from their car to under a bridge by demanding college students demonstrate basic reading comprehension, critical thinking, and coherent argumentative skills. boast about killing the author? my friend, you are cain advancing in the fields, skulking, stepping in abel's footprints, filled with murderous intent, with nothing but the chinese telephone-equivalent of a description of a weapon cutting into your soft palms.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Me as I catch up on the latest chapters of for the nights and days of life writing essay length comments about how Tsantu should have gotten the death penalty actually and cancel culture isn't going far enough and how can he be an ambassador when if he was on Earth after this he wouldn't be allowed within 300 feet of schools.

@mochalottie I now have a bone to pick with u and I've gotten carried away. These are not the notes these are bonus notes of melatonin fueled incredulity.

[zozo-01]

i was today years old when i learned i shouldnt be scared to go into work <333

[biitchcakes]

H E A D C A N O N .

a FEAR of anything that's of a medical or surgical nature .

Due to these traumatic experiences, Jessica trusts very few people with her medically ⸺ LINDA CARTER being her consistent and most trustworthy professional go to. Most of the time, she'll try to solve her problems on her own, but if she is unable to, she knows exactly who to turn to. She can always count on her Night Nurse.

[jane-friend]

I just want to be pinned down and left to someone’s carnal desires, is that so much to ask?

[whonsper]

minecraft cows /neg

[silvcrignis]

Hunt A Killer || Verse Bio || Dead By Daylight

“Keira. I’m not pleased. In the slightest,” the tall blonde man suddenly in the doorframe of her office growled.

Green eyes darted up from her pile of paperwork & moving fountain pen as Keira looked back up at Lucifer, head tilted as she thought about what would have Satan seething this way. Both herself & Lucifer had moments where they got very, very angry over the most inconsequential reasons at times but she didn’t think this was exactly that. It doesn’t take her long, both she & Lucifer thought very similarly & her eyes widened as she clicked her tongue.

“You figured out the roster issue? I swear the names that aren’t crossed out on that thing have doubled.”

“Indeed. I have.”

Her next sentence was prefixed by a little cross between a groan & a growl as one hand rose to rub her temple as the other gestured him all the way inside of her lavish working space.

“I know that tone, Brimstone… How bad is it?” she sighed, internally bracing herself as he sat across from her.

Lucifer’s response was a brandished folder which was immediately taken & Keira began sorting through the multitude of photographs (really the Anomalies Department had outdone themselves on this, they needed to arrange some sort of recognition event for that team) & when she had finished she was just as irked as her colleague, her eyes now a flickering orange.

“You cannot be fucking- Something is stealing them?! Why? I don’t even fucking care about how I want to fucking know w h y Morningstar?!”

…Morningstar? She only called him that when she was deadly serious. Good. He needed them to be on the same page, he had chosen her for a reason, but sometimes she didn’t take things as seriously as she should because she knew it would annoy him. Her cooperation was one H E L L of a relief. He could feel the tension melting slightly from his shoulders as he pulled a single folded up paper from his suit pocket, holding it between his index & middle finger as Keira rose an eyebrow at him.

“… Do you want to handle this? I know you’re much better at brokering compromises than I.” he snickered, stretching his occupied fingers towards her.

(He had a point there. She was slightly more flexible though that didn’t mean she was any less ruthless in the end. Lucifer made demands, Keira swathed hers in the guise of a suggestion but they both always got whatever they wanted out of them.)

“Oh. You indulge me far too much sometimes, Your Majesty…”

“We are in Hell, Your Grace,” he reminded her as she took the offering while snickering at his veiled pun.

Lucifer’s naturally hissing voice was coloured with a tone of befuddlement over the phone

“… 500 years? How the fuck did you manage to do that? I figured that slithering sky penis would at least want you for a millennium.”

“Everyone wants me longer but that’s really up to my whims,” she purred back, grinning slightly at Lucifer’s responding snort.

“Anyway, I do have the rest of terms if you are interested. I feel like this is the start of a fantastic working relationship. Honestly a war wouldn’t be worth it. You’ve seen the roster you know our armies would just….”

“Yes, they would. It would be pitiful. But we’d be amused. However the terms would be useful considering the contract delivered to my desk was already sealed.”

“They are indeed going to stop just randomly picking from our roster. In exchange, we’ll make one for them. I actually don’t really mind their little project here besides the pilfering, it looks like something we would do if we had the time, honestly.”

“…Good… Anything else?”

“Pan’s here with me, he decided to tag along. Though there’s no extra stipulations with him, he just wanted to I’m just being transparent.”

“My condolences.”

“Appreciate you for that, I’ll need them. Now on to the best part. It took a little wheedling & eventually I offered the 500 years of servitude before it budged but…”

Lucifer could tell by her tone in her trailing off there was a reason she was saving this part for last & honestly he could indulge her need for begging this time, what she said would be more than worth it.

“Miss Black, if get any closer to the edge of my throne I’ll fall off.”

“Ooh, you’re on the throne right now? Am I on speaker?”

“Of course I am, this is important.”

“Well, in exchange for my good faith offer, if it does get bored of any of its squirmy little toys taken before todays signing… We get them. Not just the ones taken from our roster but their pissy terrified little lab rats too!”

For a moment Lucifer was silent even as the whispers among their gathered subordinates started, a slow, unhinged smile spreading on his face.

“… If I were standing next to you right now, I would kiss you.”

“Hold that thought for five centuries, keeps the euphoria alive. Though. The downside is you will be a solo act for a while again. Think you can handle reclaiming the mantel while I’m gone?”

“I’ll make it. Have fun. Also I know you must be elated sharing a field with Myers but…”

“Yeah. Fucking Ghostface… At least I might get a chance at dropping his goofy ass. Still can’t believe Regina thought I wanted a box set of his shit antics… The first Scream was okay, why the fuck didn’t they stop after that one?”

“To torment & punish you. Specifically. If you need anything…”

“I’ll use the Betelgeuse method, got it. Bye, Lucifer.”

He had already said his own farewell so he was hardly offended when she hung up. As soon as she did she cackled.

“Fucking sucker. I only have to stay in the realm during the trials… I just hate contract duty,” The Hellion snorted, folding her arms behind her head & sauntering off to her own cute little realm lovingly named “The Terror Dome”. Hmmm. She hoped these human fuckbags knew Greek mythology. The Labyrinth would be a GREAT first time theme.

@manufactoredxbyxdesign & @dcmur3 are real ones for liking that post so they get tagged in the l o r e

Also ye das right Albert keep being a bad lad & ur goin to Heck ur ass was on that roster too babyyy 👺

[bittwitchy]

in august i get to hear ILLICIT AFFAIRS A N D MASTERMIND LIVE? i won

[konigsblog]

KÖNIG NSFW ALPHABET MASTERLIST.

everyday, i will create a long, detailed post about each letter! if you guys enjoy and appreciate this, i may make another masterlist for another character in the future. (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

PHOTO CREDIT: @GLUTT_R ON 🐦/X

WARNINGS: THIS MASTERLIST IS MADE FOR THOSE OVER THE AGE OF 18. ALL MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED.

(A) AFTERCARE (WHAT'S KÖNIG'S AFTERCARE LIKE?)

(B) BODY PART (WHAT'S KÖNIG'S FAVOURITE BODY PART FOR HIMSELF AND YOU?)

(C) CUM (WHAT DOES KÖNIG DO WITH HIS CUM?)

(D) DIRTY SECRET (WHAT'S KÖNIG'S DIRTY SECRET?)

(E) EXPERIENCE (HOW EXPERIENCED IS KÖNIG?)

(F) FAVOURITE POSITION (WHAT'S KÖNIG'S FAVOURITE POSITION?)

(G) GOOFY (HOW GOOFY IS KÖNIG DURING SEX?)

(H) HAIR (HOW WELL TRIMMED IS KÖNIG?)

(I) INTIMACY (HOW INTIMATE IS KÖNIG?)

(J) JACK OFF (HOW OFTEN DOES KÖNIG JACK OFF?)

(K) KINK (WHAT ARE KÖNIG'S KINKS?)

(L) LOCATION (WHERE DOES KÖNIG LIKE TO FUCK?)

(M) MOTIVATION (WHAT MOTIVATES KÖNIG?)

(N) NO (WHAT WOULD KÖNIG NOT DO TO YOU DURING SEX?)

(O) ORAL (COMING SOON)

(P) PACE (COMING SOON)

(Q) QUICKIE (COMING SOON)

(R) RISK (COMING SOON)

(S) STAMINA (COMING SOON)

(T) TOYS (COMING SOON)

(U) UNFAIR (COMING SOON)

(V) VOLUME (COMING SOON)

(W) WILD CARD (COMING SOON)

(X) X-RAY (COMING SOON)

(Y) YEARNING (COMING SOON)

(Z) ZZZ... (COMING SOON)

DO NOT POST ONTO ANY OTHER WEBSITES WITHOUT CONSENT OR PERMISSION BEFOREHAND - KONIGSBLOG.

[kolsmikaelson]

— ART DONALDSON NSFW ALPHABET

NOTES — been deep in my mike faist era for the longest time and i’m so obsessed w art it’s bad, so here we are! hope you enjoy <3.

WARNINGS — 18 + content mdni, fem!reader, not proofread

join my taglist or follow @rodrickhefley to see when i post

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

needy as fuck. he’ll grab his shirt that had been tossed to the floor to clean you up quickly before tossing it back onto the floor and just wrapping himself around you, keeping his head on your chest.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

he looooves his arms, he always liked them, but maybe how much you like them is what made them his favorite. he’s obsessed with your legs, he loves the way they feel when they’re wrapped around his head while he’s eating you out or how they feel wrapped around his waist when he’s pounding into you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he loves to cum on your tits. it’s his favorite place to cum, other than inside of you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

the two of you met in college, when he was much less experienced, so one time when patrick is visiting he recruits him into teaching him how to fuck you better. art knew he was alright but he wanted to be great for you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

not super experienced, sure he’d fooled around some before he met you but that’s about it. with some help from patrick he definitely knows what he’s doing.

F = Favorite position ( goes without saying)

cowgirl. he’s a tit guy and loves that he can see your tits bouncing in his face while you’re riding him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

it can go either way, usually he’s a little on the goofy side, but sometimes, after a bad match he’s not in the mood to be goofy.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

not clean shaved by any means but he keeps everything under control.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

the most romantic. showering you with love and affection is all that he wants to do <3.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

used to jerk off so often, but as the two of you got older he did it less and less but maybe that’s because you were always there to do it for him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

praise kink (giving or receiving), size kink, spit kink, little bit of a mommy kink if he’s feeling really needy.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

his dorm, his car (but only if parked in a decently secluded place), or the shower.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

winning gets him going, the adrenaline from the game and from winning gets the best of him every time.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

no choking, you specifically, every once in a while he’d be okay with you lightly squeezing his throat while you’re on top of him riding him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

definitely prefers giving, he’d spend as long as you let him finding out what makes you tick, exploring every inch of your cunt, but he’d never turn down a blowjob if offered.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

both! but usually fast and rough.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

he loves them. a quickie before a match or before you leave for class, always put you both in a good mood.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

yes and no, it just depends on what you or he wanted to try. but he’d always at least consider it for a while if you were to ask to try something new.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

2-3 rounds usually, sometimes it could be 4. he lasts a decent while, as long as he gets you off first then he’ll let himself cum, though sometimes he’s cum in his pants when he’s eating you out but really it’s a win-win situation.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

he’ll use your vibe on you every once in a while but usually he’s not huge on toy usage. but he’s not completely against it either.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he gets better at it over time but you’re usually the one doing all the teasing instead of him.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

so loud, he’s always whimpering and whining and moaning in your ear.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

just like patrick, he’d try and feel put how you felt about having a threesome with patrick, because at the end of the day, whether they’d admit it or not they’re not complete without the other but that doesn’t mean he loves you any less, because trust that man to be absolutely obsessed with you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

a good 5-6 inches soft, and pretty girthy too. and he knows just how to use it.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

pretty high. he’s obsessed with you and obsessed with fucking you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

oh he’s out like a light. his eyes are droopy when he’s cleaning you up but the moment his head falls onto your chest, he’s done for.

© kolsmikaelson : please do not copy, repost, or modify any of my content.