#fucking uhaul lesbians

[loafrolls]

Remember how I said each of my players’ characters fell for one of the wives? This includes our cleric

There’s just something about Volenta’s devilish little smile I guess

[poomphuripan]

Ming, come here. Come help me. Ming. Alright.

MY STAND-IN (2024) | 1.03

[buckybarnesss]

i still cannot believe the movie ended with "and they were roommates" and they expected me to be normal about it.

[junkdyke]

had the most busy month of my life, but i'm finally in Chicago, settling into my new apartment with my gf <3 i'm sooooo drained but i'm so happy

[allegoryofthebeast]

Still soooo funny to me Lestat and Louis’ first time was like thirty minutes after a cataclysmic meet my boy who is also my friend not my boyfriend family dinner

[the-goingmerry]

WHY

why of ALL THE STEREOTYPES MY FRIENDS HAVE PLACED ON ME... i've been given the title of fucking UHAUL LESBIAN. STOP THIS MADNESS.

PUT AN END TO THIS INJUSTICE!! JUSTICE FOR ALOE!!

literally one of my friends said.. and i quote:

"MAKES SAPPHO LOOK LIKE SHE LISTENS TO ED SHEERAN LOOKIN ASS"

followed up by

"You've been together for what, a month? Two maybe? You're already writing Tumblr poetry? U-Haul Lesbian ass"

..thanks for that liam. thanks. (we've been together for about 7 weeks now, for reference)

[scalpelsister]

lesbianism is so great in theory. in reality. 🧍

[swirlingyouintomypoems]

I am seventeen years old why do I know two people who are engaged

[queefy-5-layer-burrito]

Lmao hey tumblr some shit’s transpired

I broke up with my long term boyfriend (13 years)

I’m a million percent gay.

I flew halfway across the world to meet up with a girl I have a crush on. And we fucked many times and it was incredible.

We applied for apartments together and are uhauling in January.

[lilmissnatcat24]

it's so interesting to see the differences in how the LIs in cyberpunk 2077 treat male v vs female v, because in other videos games if you choose not to romance someone their character for the most part stays exactly the same. but in cyberpunk when you choose to romance any one of these people it's just such a vastly different experience.

judy

male v: hey, that's really cool of you for not seeking active revenge against me and my friend for playing a role in your very imminent death. best of luck, maybe we'll hang out soon.

female v: marry me oh my god marry me right now here's the key to my apartment my ring size is a 7 you know that joke about lesbians and uhauls? well i'm not fucking kidding.

river

male v: thank you for all of your help with my family. man, i haven't had a friend in a really long time. let's toast to that, buddy.

female v: i am insatiably horny at your very existence. i had the hardest raging boner when you saved my nephew's life. it's so hot how you're actually a criminal. and that i'm a cop. i mean... that's illegal, right? let's fuck next to a room with children sleeping inside.

panam

female v: i'm so thankful i met you, you showed me that i can find a friend outside of the group i self-imploded inside of. i'll do anything in my power to help you try to save your life. when all this is done, do you want to join my gang?

male v: i don't even like you that much. don't touch me. ((if you leave i'm killing everyone in the aldecados and then myself))

kerry

female v: hey, is johnny watching this? yes? good. let's commit acts of terrorism.

male v: hey, is johnny watching this? yes? good. let's commit acts of terrorism (this is how i do foreplay)

[boringkate]

To celebrate me getting on HRT a transfem friend of mine took me shopping at the warhammer store (yes I'm a nerd don't judge). And spoiled me rotten with her recent OF check. Then we got back to her place and she fucked me stupid. Then spent the rest of the day administaring top grade aftercare and building my lil models with me.

I was not even aware she liked me prior to this day. I guess the lesbian uhaul myth isn't that mythical

Truly living the dream!

[slashersweethearts]

JUST realized i left out one little detail which makes this all funnier to me. which is that amber n melina were together the first time around for a grand total of six full months. n morgan and richie spent almost TWO YEARS together 😭

really luv pondering the duality of my oc ships bc both amber and richie pulled the cute but weird girl w little to no real connections outside of them who had literally never been w anybody else.

n yet amber wound up w the most obsessive bitch to walk woodsboro’s 2 streets and 1 cornfield who would need the jaws of life just to be kept away from her bc she will NOT leave her tf alone BUUUUT she is down bad enough to be willing to kill for her. even after getting broken up w and stabbed in the shoulder.

meanwhile richard is out here fighting for his LIFE just tryna get his bitch back bc it turns out his detached from others to a clinical level shawty (who didn’t even date him out of any romantic interest. she saw him as like a brother she just didn’t know how to turn him down w/o being and/or feeling mean abt it 💀) surprise surprise could also just detach herself from him w relative ease 😭 and he only cheated ONE TIME!!! (that she knows of 😭)

[archangeldyke-all]

something short and fluffy about making lunches for sevika

enjoy gays! love, angel :)

men and minors dni

i like to think she moves you into her apartment pretty early on in the relationship. (uhaul lesbian sevika the loml)

she doesn't work normal hours, usually coming home in the early hours of the morning and leaving in the late afternoon, so when you get up every morning (after about half an hour of convincing sevika to let you leave the bed) you have your mornings to yourself.

the two of you don't have time to cook that often, but you make sure to keep the cupboards and fridge stocked with snacks and deli meats for easy eats.

about a week into living with sev, you start tucking snack packs and granola bars into her cloak's pockets and satchel before you leave for work.

one night she mentions it casually, thanking you with a gentle kiss to your head for the chips you had hidden in her bag. you decided to step it up a notch after that.

it starts with paper bag lunches. peanut butter sandwiches and a piece of fruit, wrapped in wax paper and signed with a heart from you.

when you have time in the mornings, you write her a little note, something quick and simple. 'love u baby,' or 'u + me = <3.' it gives you a laugh to imagine sevika finding the notes while shes at work, getting flustered in front of silco or ran, trying to crumble up the note before they can see it.

but a few weeks later you're in her office waiting for her to finish some paperwork, and you see the little notes you've been packing her taped up behind her desk in a neat little row. (you crawl under her desk to give her some sloppy head after this particular discovery.)

after this you decide to take your lunches to the next level. you carve out a good 20 minutes in your morning routine to dedicate to her lunches.

you start baking. nothing serious, just quick treats you can pop in the oven in the morning. cookies, brownies, muffins. you always pack her two, in case she decides to share-- but you doubt she shares.

you start cutting her sandwiches into hearts like a lovesick fool.

your notes get a little longer. quick lists of the things you'd like to do to her once she gets home, sometimes innocent, sometimes not. little love letters, haikus, doodles of the two of you holding hands.

you buy increasingly ridiculous snacks at the store for her, chips with wild flavors, crackers in the shapes of various animals, bright candies and air puffed vegetable sticks. you switch out the napkins and old receipts you'd been writing her notes on out for some heart shaped sticky notes.

eventually you bite the bullet and buy her an actual lunch tin. you try to find something subtle, something that matches her vibe, but the closest you can find is a purple tin with black polka dots decorating it. she scoffs at the sight of it, but takes it with her to work every day and brings it home each night, empty besides a few crumbs.

the intimidating image of her stomping down the street with her usual scowl is somewhat obscured with the addition of the little lunch pail swinging along in her grip, but not enough for anyone to say anything to her.

you ask her one night if it embarrasses her-- tell her you can go back to using the paper bags. she pouts.

"fuck no. i like my lunch box. you got it for me." she says simply.

sometimes, instead of a note you'll snap a dirty polaroid and throw it in her pail. your cleavage, your ass, a shot of the matching set you're wearing under your work uniform. each time you do, sevika comes home with a dark look in her eye and fucks you for hours on end.

"you're such a fuckin' tease. had to work five more hours knowing you were at home wearing these. nearly quit so i could come home and get my hands on you sooner."

when she's having a particularly rough week, you'll roll her a hefty joint and pack it alongside some extra snacks for munchies. these nights, she comes home and drags you to the couch to cuddle for hours. she burrows under your shirt, breathing in the scent of your skin and mumbling about her day as you rub her back.

one day you come home from work to see the purple lunch pail still sitting on the counter. it breaks your heart to think of sevika going without her food and note, so you scoop it up and march down to the last drop to hand deliver it to her.

at this point, the bouncers recognize you, they move aside to let you in with a nod. you navigate through the rowdy crowd looking for your girlfriend. eventually you spot her in a heated conversation with a few of silco's goons, pinching the bridge of her nose and snarling. the man beside her flinches every time she moves. you smile.

you let her finish her little lecture before approaching her. the second her eyes meet yours, her face melts. the tension in her shoulders falls, the stress in her face disappears into a soft little smile. when her eyes catch the lunch box in your hands, her eyes go big and round.

she scoops you up into her arms, clinging onto you, burying her face into your neck. "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." she mumbles. you giggle, kissing her hair.

she drags you to her office, forcing you to sit on her lap, alternating feeding herself and you bites of the food you packed her.

"you make a good housewife." she mumbles around a mouthful of food. you laugh.

"gotta be a wife for that." you snort, elbowing her. you expect the usual laugh and smack on your ass you get when teasing sevika about marriage, but instead you're met with silence. you look up at her.

"would you wanna be?" she asks, so soft and quiet you would've missed it if you weren't looking at her. you blink.

"sevika." she looks at you, her eyes sparkling. "you are not about to propose to me in your office." you command. a guilty little smile creeps up her lips. you raise your eyebrows.

"no, i guess i'm not." she says. you giggle, nervous and giddy.

"no, you're not." you confirm. she pouts. "'cause if you want me to say yes, you at least gotta get me some flowers. and you gotta do it somewhere you haven't disemboweled someone before."

"doesn't leave very many options open for me." she grumbles. you laugh.

"you'll figure it out." you say. "or you'll just have to wait 'til i propose to you." you tease.

"fine." she huffs, shoving the remainder of her sandwich in her mouth. "just as long as you keep making me lunches."

[icejjfishesz]

000. ༺ROCK THE BOAT༻∘

summary: after getting unexpectedly left by your roommate, you find yourself in need of a replacement.

contents: reader is down bad. paige in a situationship. kinda angsty.

previous. next. masterlist.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

“i just want you to know…” tina sighs, looking painfully pitying. “it isn’t you…it’s me.”

you sit on the coach in disbelief, unable to comprehend most of what she’s saying to you. are you actually getting broken up with by your roommate?

“it’s just…finn and i think it’s time to take the next step in our relationship.” three weeks. they’ve been dating for three weeks. damn, they uhaul faster than lesbians. 

tina mistakes your confused look for sadness, sticking her lip out and reaching over to put her hand over your hand. she widens her green eyes in your direction, steadying her gaze on yours with a sympathetic smile on her lips. “but don’t worry! i’ve already put in a good word with so many of my friends so that they can tell their friends how great a roommate you were!” 

“when are you moving out?” you sigh.

she looks a bit winded by the quickness of your question. “officially? in two days but since finn helped me pack up my stuff while you were at work, i’m just gonna get the rest of my things now and stay out of your hair. i’ve already paid my half of this month's rent so you have a month to find someone to room with.” she smiles brightly. 

tina is one of those people who is always happy but you can’t help but notice that she looks even more joyous than usual. “i’m…happy for you, tina.”

she smiles even wider and makes a squealing sound as she leans over to hug you. “aww…you’re so sweet! let’s stay in touch, yeah?”

you open your mouth to respond but are immediately cut off.

“babe…can you hurry and get the rest of your things?” finn, her boyfriend, mutters. he’s been leaning against the wall waiting for tina to break the news to you. 

she gives you another apologetic grin. “he’s really tired after work…retail, those customers are ruthless, you know?” she whispers definitely loud enough for him to hear.

tina walks back to what used to be her room, packing a few more things before she comes back to the livingroom to bid you one more goodbye.

"don't be a stranger..." she mutters at you, holding her bags tightly in her grip.

you watch as she and finn leave the house, she leaves her key on the coffee table and you lock the door behind them.

TO: SEAN

you’ll never guess what just happened

FROM: SEAN

What?

TO: SEAN

tina fell in love

FROM: SEAN

Again?

Who’s the lucky guy?

TO: SEAN

finn something

whatever

i think she was fr in love this time tho

she moved out 🙁

FROM: SEAN

OH SHIT

YOU’RE FUCKED LMAO 😂

TO SEAN:

😐

gtfo

FROM: SEAN

I apologize

I mean

Condolences**

TO: SEAN

please help me find a new roommate

i don’t wanna be homeless :/

[fruit-kick]

forget uhaul lesbians what the fuck were they doing

[pseudophan]

hello! months ago I asked you if I should buy titckets even though I didn't live in the area yet. well tonight after we've moved about a combined 3000 miles I'm dragging my girlfriend to see the original uhaul lesbians who met online. thanks for the push <3

fuck yeahhhh! i'm glad you're going it's gonna be insane trust me