#fucking dyke i love her so much
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really can't get over how mysaria said you'll have to sneak into the city of king's landing to speak to alicent and what rhaenyra heard was i'll have to scale the wall of the castle and climb through her bedroom window to speak to alicent. babygirl that's an entirely different sentence.
#no one is asking you to do a romeo and juliet thing baby but it's adorable for it to be your first thought#fucking dyke i love her so much#these women are so endlessly important to me#rhaenicent#dykes and dragons show#house of the dragon
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lesbians who are terfs will never make any sense to me crying about the supposed exclusivity of the “female experience” like my brother in christ she experienced an othered, lonely, confusing childhood where she was made to feel inadequate in her gender, sexuality, or both just the same as you and instead of letting this unify you against patriarchy you just enforce it on other people to maintain the sliver of “power” you think you have. how do u not see how dumb this is oh my god
#like trans women are hurt by the patriarchy they don’t benefit from it you fucking coconuts bc even if they were ‘men’ (they’re not)#they’d be men who cannot live up to the standards set by patriarchy!!!! this is feminism 101 yet some people run their mouths like it’s 1912#like dude. she’s doing gender and sexuality in a way cishet society hates just like u are. please be fucking smart and realize attacking her#only hurts YOU and loses YOU the same bodily autonomy u wanna deny her for the sake of “’saving ur lesbian brethren’ or what the fuck ever#you’re hurting cis women trans women intersex people EVERYONE because you’re so obsessed w feeling special for being perceived as a woman#and then being harmed for it that you can’t even see that the women you hate so much experience the EXACT SAME SHIT. use ur brain!!!!!!#anyways sorry read some takes from some lesbians in LC and got way too heated. god bless u trans dykes i love u trans dykes#idk what to tag this so. ya#posts
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I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY THIS IS MY DEATH. I'M SOOOOOOOOO HAPPPPPYYYY I COULD ABSOLUTELY DIE!!!!!! THE TRANS WOMAN CHARACTER IS A LESBIAN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THIS MADE ME FEEL. YOU DON'T KNOW!!!!! TRANS LESBIAN!!! SALLIE MAY IS A GIRL KISSER!!!
from official artwork by Calis Draws and Onyx 🥺🥺
#I can finally say DYKE DICK WITHOUT GUILT😭😭😭😭😭💖💖💖#I can die. I may die. I think I WILL die.#ok maybe this was too much but that was the peak of joy of my night#I love her so much I'm so happy I could explode#SHE'S MY QUEEN SAVE ME SALLIE MAY#sallie may#helluva boss#btw please don't be fucking annoying. I'm just glad cuz she's explicitly wearing the lesbian flag.#Idc if this wasn't new to you this is still so fucking awesome#and this fandom is just so stupidly unbearable so leave me and other people alone in our happiness#helluva boss brain rotting
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Just got dicked down by my gf so hard I stimmed after I came this is what the trans agenda is I think.
#emmy barks#my beloved#fuck#this is why I love being an autistic dyke#i get to stim all over a pretty girls cock and then get praised for it#i love her so much folks I could cry right now
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AABRIA IYENGAR DM OF ALL TIME HOLY FUCKING SHIT
#(Eleanor the good place voice) THIS is the horror season!#dimension 20#listen I love mismag and acofaf as much as the next dyke but I’m not a crit role girlie so#I had NO IDEA she had this side to her#she was BORN TO DO HORROR AND THATS THAT#It’s been low key lurking in every campaign so far… the antlers in mismag… but godDAMN#miss girl is OFF THE LEASH HOLY FUCK#I dont even have WORDS#the way we are 3 episodes in and its more terrifying than the entirety of neverafter#EXCEPT Pinocchio finding out the stepmother *** her daughters that made me need to turn the lights on#Brennan lee mulligan I’m sorry baby you’ve been bumped to number 2#“THIS IS WHAT MACBETH WAS WORRIED ABOUT she contains MULTITUDES
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#trek thoughts#i'm so normal about tuvok and janeway#they are both dykes to me#ok??#dykes recognize dykes ya know#love thme#fucking homosexuals#why is she STANDING like that#actually she always stands like that#it's so fucking funny#her little gayass pose#i hate them os much#i want to put them in a blender#i want to ground them up into fine paste#they are my favorite ever#besties who enable each other's terrible behavior#fucking love#GO TO THERAPY!!!!!!!#no a mind meld doesn't count!!!#Tuvok: what if i mind meld WITH the therapist#*therapist leaves having to go therapy themselves*#therapist tells janeway to stop trying to kill herself to save the crew and janeway instantly slams the self destruct button#what guys!!#love em#captain janeway#tuvok#voyager#star trek#star trek voyager
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i won’t apologize for being a hater. seeing comments on chappell roans posts about being too hypersexual and needing to dial it down (mmm dial what down. say it very explicitly to me. what is making you uncomfortable in your own very clear words) and directly contrasting it with renee rapp just made me not like that girl even more i’m sorry! maybe she should try not being an annoying blonde bi girl who only seems to hang out with other blonde bi girls making mediocre pop. whoops
#is my opinion on her subject to change sure maybe and if you like her by all means don’t let me being mean take that away from you#but that was just. the quiet part out loud. renee is accessible and still not so visibly overtly queer but enough to be like#Tehe girls are sooo pretty#and um cater to that sort of crowd. chappell you have to love and celebrate and embrace queerness wholeheartedly#it’s making me sooooo mad like chappells music is so representative of the fun flirty ways EYE like to express myself#and has made me feel comfortable in that literal sexuality part of my sexuality. and ur gonna sit here and put her down in favor of…#i can’t like i can’t i’m sorry i want to watch that show and you know how much i want to support women and queer women specifically#so yeah again i’d keep my mouth shut in the general public but that fucking brand of sapphic queer Will Not Say The Word Lesbian vibe of#person. i can’t stand you.#you are a traitor to dykes everywhere and you need to do a lot of work. not saying that’s all her fans but WHATEVER i’m not qualifying my#stupid complaining right now it��s my blog#abby talks#this is giving smith college problem and i accept that#and general blanket apology for comparing two queer things when u know there r so many more serious issues in the world#however i’m here to complain about whatever the hell is annoying me. so.
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exhausted dot png
#i’m cishet neurotypical for the weekend right and i guess bc i was cishet half of the time just two short years ago i thought this would be#a lot easier than it is? like i underestimated how exhausting this would be#not to sound Like This but hanging with all of these protestants really is so different than the catholics. maybe bc i’ve been largely surro#unded by catholics so im well adapted to dealing with them lol idk.#it’s just. i accepted that the cousins wouldn’t accept me if they ever knew but my beloved beloved great aunt…..#my mom is so sure that she would accept me if she knew but i’ve been telling her i don’t know i don’t know now that she’s a protestant it’s#different…. and lo and behold every other fucking word out of her mouth is virulent shit#and idk what to do with it.#i love her too much to lose her over this (for now) but christ i nearly told her i was a dyke at lunch today just to get her to shut up abou#t trans people.#i have no desire for my family to ever know i’m genderqueer bc i don’t need them to know but eventually my aunt is going to need to know the#homosexuality and this trip has just emphasized how. man it’s gonna be shit isn’t it. no doubt to cling to anymore.#anyways i’m expected to go to baptist church tmrw morning and autism brain i kind of want to go just to see what it’s like but me brain i’m#just. so tired. and even if the transgenders don’t get brought up in the service i don’t think i want to go anyways.
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STOPPPP I'M ACTUALLY SO FLATTERED YOU KEPT THE 👩❤️💋👩 EMOJI FOR ME :'') AND I MISSED YOU TOO!!
and omg yes you're literally feeding us lee simps so hard, I was so so excited to discover you had already posted some headcanons when I sent in my ask today!! (dude the nsfw cut in the single mom one had me kicking my feet and wanting to scream AHHHH the headcanons are so good esp bc I absolutely loved the scene of lee meeting agent carter's daughter since it was so cute and endearing + I love how overprotective she is)
AND OMG THIS IS SO FUNNY BC I DIDN'T KNOW FOR SURE WHAT G!P MEANT, SO I SEARCHED IT UP AND WAS V HAPPILY SURPRISED HAHA
and omg I feel you on the multitasking, I was in the middle of writing a story when I came to read the new headcanons hehe I hope you have fun with your game tho!! and for sure, take your time and make sure to rest well!!
(and omg stop I'm so excited hehehe I just love the idea of someone working in her department for any kind of job and lee is just shyly on the look out for them and all AHHH)
from now on if you just stick “- 👩❤️💋👩” at the end of anything i’ll know it’s you fellow dyke!!
i could fr cry im so glad you’re enjoying what im writing :( it motivates me sm to keep going so thank you for showing some love !!
i did indeed have so much fun on my game and i’m just about to head to bed! also hello fellow dyke who is also fellow writer 👀 if you ever wanted to send me some of your work or come off of anon to promote it i 100% encourage it!! i love reading other writers work (especially if it’s of silly lesbians like myself)
make sure you’re resting well too!!
also, you can read the g!p lee fic here :)
#dyke anon 👩❤️💋👩#sweet anon !!#fuck i love lee harker so much#LIKE IT FEELS DUMB TO LOVE HER THIS MUCH LMAOO#keep the reqs coming gays !!#gonna head to sleep now#good night gays <3#and good night to you fellow dyke!!#we love fellow dyke on this blog#katie yaps 🍄
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ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee
#love my roommate but urghhhh. sorry they dont make enough fictional female characters that interest u but u dont need to justify it to me#write your mlm its literally fine. sorry but ur not gonna gain my respect or approval by defending why u write more mlm than wlw#i dont care if u have equal amounts of each or not LOL we just have different tastes thats all there is to it#and I KNOOOOOOWWWW she writes femslash too im not denying that !!!!!!#most of my fav media is lesbian centric bc I have a strong connection to my identity as a dyke. so i gravitate towards things that explore-#that + complex relationships to gender + its social enforcement etcetc. and its easier for me to get attached to characters that i can-#connect with bc we have shared experiences or the world percieves us in similar ways or we percieve the world in similar ways etc#and shes said she DOESNT feel particularly attached to her sexuality in that way. so ofc shes not going to be looking for the same things-#in media and thats OKAY!!#literally have nothing against her writing gay men i like some fictional mlm relationships myself!! and its cool that she enjoys it#i just find it disappointing that we dont have much in common taste-wise bc thatd be more fun to talk abt#but thats why i come on tumblr dot com.. to talk abt fictional women w dykes who understand them like i do amen#and im happy to listen to her talk abt things she likes and projects shes clearly enjoying working on like thats awesome love to hear it#but sometimes its like shes trying to persuade me abt smth but theres nothing to persuade. i dont knooooow#like ik shes not trying to get me into her interests she already has plenty of friends who are. but theres no approval to win from me???#i think im just annoyed bc i feel like i cant rly talk abt the things im into w her bc she disliked them so much#and also annoying to be around someone who shares an identity w me but is clearly more uncomfortable w it than i am#maybe thats not even true actually the real reason im annoyed is bc ive had a long and exhausting week and im coming down from-#my first day on new meds and im soooo so so tired have i sajd that already. and my head hurts#and i want a fucking hug and im just projecting my lack of physical and emotional intimacy onto her bc she happens to be the person i-#spend the most time with. but thats really unfair of me its not her fault or obligation at all. ah i just want to shower and sleeeepp#and tomorrow day 2 of meds im gonna get so much shit done!!!!!!!! i hope.. i wanna finish drafting my comic too teehee#wouldnt it be so crazy if now im medicated i might actually be able to start and finish projects i reallyyyy want to do..#well i wont get my hopes up yet#anyway........#another day another 5 million tag rambling post complaining abt everything. and dont expect me to ever stop 😚#.diaries#literally why would i care abt the tastes of a girl whose fave character in tlt was naberius........#she rly had to pick one of the ONLY men and not even one of the particularly interesting ones. and shes not even straight???? her loss 🙄
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so two random people lara barely knew are worth bringing up in her little fear hallucination but all sam gets is a reference with a random camera lara finds. okay. fuck you.
#like damn they Really fucking hate that lara was probably in dyke love with her friend from the first game 😭#completely written out of the story not so much as a fucking crumb. i think we should kill them for this ngl.#i have Not seen anti gay backpedaling like this in a franchise in Awhile. maybe poe is the only one that comes to mind….#doing the absolute Most to make sure no one thinks their characters might like the same gender 🙄
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once my sunday school teacher at my very conservative evangelical church (the kind of church that goes out preaching at shopping malls) came in devastated because her brother had just committed suicide. this church did NOT teach that suicide would send you to hell, but they DID teach that you could only get to heaven through an ongoing relationship with christ.
my teacher mentioned that her brother had 'fallen away from the church' in recent years because of his depression. but then she added that he'd been a firefighter and saved lives, so she hoped that god would take that into consideration for him.
this was, of course, completely against the church's teachings, and it puzzled me that she would say something so erroneous. so i helpfully informed her that her brother was Definitely in hell if he'd fallen away from christ. this did not seem like a cruel thing to say because it was simply factual, and it was important that people in the church were factual about hell and who goes there. she was lying to herself and needed to be honest instead, was my reasoning.
i was ten years old.
I said this a couple years ago (one year ago?) and most of the comments on tumblr actually did not know this, so to reiterate what you’re up against: a VERY mainstream belief among American Christian fundamentalists is that they are the only ones who experience love. They raise their kids to think that everyone “living in sin” (all other faiths, atheists, and LGBT people) goes through life sad and empty, falsely believing they know what love feels like, and will never know until they’re “saved.” It’s not as simple as them diminishing the humanity of others out of hate, but being deeply brainwashed to believe others are automatically mentally less human. They are also very good at convincing new converts that they really are experiencing this “real” love for the “first time;” the same way members of all cults can become wholeheartedly convinced that they’re receiving psychic alien messages or communing with spirits. Cult conditioning is simply that powerful.
#yes this was the same ten-year-old me frightened by bronx nipplz guy on neopets#fundamentalist christians are fucking evil. hope that woman learned from her experience of being tormented by a 10-year-old and left#but i don't remember idk what happened to her. i don't remember a lot of things from that time period for. obvious trauma reasons#this post just brought that up So Vividly#another memory: being at church camp and someone had let their dog shit in a field without cleaning it up#one of my cabinmates wrinkled up her nose and said 'well whoever did it we know they arent christian'#because that's the mentality. bad things are done by bad people who aren't christian. good things are done by good people who are christian#of course many of the people i went to church and school with were also just straight-up nazis. that's what you can expect from#rural american fundamentalist christianity in an overwhelmingly white state.#the teachers caused so much drama over my first boyfriend and tried to break us up and our parents nearly pulled us both outta school#it wasn't until just. a little bit ago. that i realized the drama was because i'm white and he wasn't. GOD.#wish they could see my polyamorous dyke ass now with my jewish partner my native american partner my asian ex-partner-now-close-friend#god these tags ended up long it's just. the older i get the more i hate them and the more i want them fucking dead#i understand everything about them and how they think and how they love and how theyre even sympathetic. and i Want Them Fucking Dead.#christianity#cults#fundamentalism#suicide m#long post
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HFBKABFMWFMS GIRLFRIEND :-((((
#[ren]#WUAHGHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH :-(((#my lord i am such a huge fucking dyke for her#i just. augh. love bun so so so much :-(
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She’s A Gun
Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader
Author’s note: *John Mulaney voice* My wife is a bitch and I love her SO much (gif by @salome-c) I also didn’t know how to end this so sorry
Summary: Somebody didn’t give the new guy a heads up about talking about Joel Miller’s family [1.6k]
Warnings: idiots in love, a quick mention of a queer slur, I can’t think of anything else!!
You catch him looking at you across the room as you sip some new whiskey Tommy traded for. He looks young and fresh-faced without many scars or littering the surface of his skin. His eyes are bright when they meet yours, and you give him a polite smile before returning to your drink. Unsurprisingly, he bellies up to the bar a few minutes later. You glance at the door, and the man follows your gaze.
"You meeting someone?" He asks. The bartender, a kind man named Nick, flashes you a look, but you wave him off, turning to the younger man, who is dead set on making his presence known.
"You must be new." You say, and he laughs as he holds out his hand.
"You got me. I'm Luke," He says. You meet him halfway and shake his hand, giving him your name. "Where are you from?"
"I came here from Boston."
"You're a long way from home. What brought you here?"
"Long story."
"Is it longer than the time it would take to get you another drink?"
"I can get my own drink, but thank you."
"'Course," he says but doesn't move from his place next to you. "What do you do here in Jackson?" He asks, and you open your mouth to say something, but he cuts you off. "Let me guess. School teacher. No, a nurse."
"I work patrols, but good guess."
"Oh, I'm going to work patrols, too. I actually just signed up for my first shift tomorrow. Speaking of which, do you know anything about this guy… Miller, I think, is his name. I heard he's a hard ass."
"Joel or Tommy?"
"There's multiple?" He asks, and you smirk as you sip your drink.
"There's a few of 'em hanging around, yeah. What did they say? Maybe I can," you shrug and try to hide the amusement in your voice. "Help you figure it out."
"Well, this guy, Seth, said Miller shouldn't even be in Jackson. Something about him killing people to get by before coming here, but he gets to stay because he's buddies with Maria. Apparently, he's a hell of a shot, though. I heard a rumor that he once shot an Infected from a mile away, but I'll believe it when I see it." He says, and you nod.
You remember that day well. Tommy had been bragging about his marksmanship, mostly telling big fish stories, and you finally got sick of it. Joel told you to leave it, but you had to see. When you went on patrol the next day, you and Tommy had a competition to see how far he could actually shoot. You passed the gun back and forth to see who could hit accurately and how far. You were the one holding the gun when the Infected bound his way up the hill and quickly went down as the bullet buried in his skull. You didn't think that story would've made the rounds, though.
"What else did Seth say?" You ask, and he puffs his cheeks out as he shakes his head.
"He told me to stay away from him. Something about not fucking with people like that because he's ruthless, especially when it comes to his kid. He said Miller yelled at him last week because he said something to her. Just... totally lost his mind like a crazy person." It wasn't just something. He called my daughter a dyke, you think to yourself. Joel may have pushed him and made him leave, but you threatened to ruin his fucking life. If you ever hear him say something like that to Ellie again, you'll make Joel look like the poster child for forgiveness. You bite the inside of your cheek and save that information for later.
Seth wasn't warning Luke about Joel. He was warning him about you.
"And you're sure he was talking about a man?"
"Pretty sure. I mean, I know people do lots of shitty things to stay alive, but I can't imagine a woman instilling that much fear in a man like Seth," He says, and you hum. "No offense."
"None taken." You smile and watch his guard come down just enough for him to feel comfortable reaching for your arm.
"I wish I had known they let women as beautiful as you out on patrol. I would've signed up with you instead of Miller." He says, and you almost gag. Joel's hand skims your lower back almost as if on cue, and you turn to face him. He kisses you a second too long before looking over your shoulder to face the stranger who looks embarrassed. His arm wraps protectively around your middle, and he's close enough that you can smell his shampoo over the bar’s stench of stale beer.
"Great timing. This is Luke. He's starting patrols tomorrow," You say. Joel reaches across the space to shake his hand, and Luke winces at his too-tight grip. "Luke, this is my husband, Joel Miller," you wish you had a camera to take a picture of the stunned look on his face when he hears the last name. "Joel, we were just talking about the last time I was on patrol with Tommy."
"You're Miller?" Luke asks, suddenly looking pale. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Oh, I thought I mentioned it. I'm sorry, I'm probably losing my mind." You echo Seth's words and smack yourself on the forehead dramatically. Luke drains his drink before glancing around the room.
"It was great to meet you, man. Um, I'm gonna run to the bathroom really fast." He says and takes several steps away from the bar.
"Oh, so soon? I was hoping you and Joel could talk about routes."
"Maybe later." He says, and with that, he's gone. You smile and turn in Joel's arms to face him.
"Jesus, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. What did you say to him?"
"Seth was warning him about the mercenary who's buddies with Maria and shot an Infected from a mile away, asked if I knew anything about the guy."
"Seth should learn to keep his fuckin' mouth shut." He grumbles, and you nod.
"It didn't help his case that he tried flirting with me. Even asked if I was a school teacher." You say, and he gives you a look. His warm fingers reach under your shirt collar to pull out the chain with your wedding band on it.
"Maybe if you actually wore this, that wouldn't happen so often."
"C'mon, everybody knows I'm yours. It's not my fault no one gave him the run down," you say, and he tugs on the chain to kiss you, his big hands moving to hold your jaw. He swallows your gasp when he licks into your mouth, sending a zing of electricity down your spine. He's a touch too handsy for a public space, but you're not complaining. "I don't see you wearing yours out on patrol either." You say, pulling away before he can start something he can't finish, at least not in public. Still, his hand slips into your back pocket, squeezing your ass through the denim.
"Don't want to lose a finger. Besides, everybody knows I'm yours," he parrots, and you smile. A familiar, old country song plays over the speakers, and Joel lights up at the first few chords. "Will you dance with me?" He asks, pressing light kisses to your jaw to butter you up. You lock your arms around his shoulders and let yourself forget about everyone else in the bar.
"And to think there was a time when you hated PDA."
"That was before someone tried hittin' on my wife," he says, and you feel like your face will get stuck from smiling so much. It's been three months since the small backyard wedding officiated by Tommy and Maria. Ellie walked you down the aisle— more of a patch of grass than anything else— and acted as your maid of honor. When Tommy asked if she agreed to give you to Joel, she said, "it's not like she's fucking property, but sure." She beamed so brightly when she realized you each included her in your vows, promising to love and protect her as much as you love and protect each other. It wasn't planned, but the unexpected matching further proved that you three are a family. Still, you don't know if you'll ever get used to hearing Joel call you his wife. "Dance with me, please." He pouts into your neck, and you finally give in, grabbing his hand and leading him to the dance floor.
He pulls you close, and you bury your face in his neck as you slowly dance to Tanya Tucker's voice. He sings along for only you to hear, his accent getting stronger as he does. You could stay like this forever, wrapped up in him and listening to him sing the same song you used to sing along to while driving on backroads. You would marry him again if you could. You think you would marry him in every lifetime.
Scary rumors of mercenaries and blood on your hands fade from your mind. To men like Seth and Luke, you are a subversion of their holy mother. You are bloody and broken, a monster beyond saving. You are a warzone with a heartbeat.
But to Joel, you are the most sacred thing he's ever held. It's not enough to erase the rumors and nightmares about you, but it's enough to knock the wind out of you and make you love your husband that much more. That has to count for something.
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Tag list: @evyiione
#joel and ellie#joel miller#the last of us#joel miller fic#joel miller x reader#joel tlou#the last of us x reader#joel miller the last of us#joel miller fluff#i wrote this for me but you can read it too i guess
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ID. images of Mara on her throne in Forsaken, and in the Taken King. End ID.
OVERHATED CHARACTERS POLL: Mara Sov (Destiny)
Feel free to explain your position in the comments or tags, but any harassment, over-the-top fighting, or personal attacks will result in you being blocked. Do not attack real people, be they fans or creators, over fictional characters.
#destiny#literally prev:#GOD FORBID WOMEN DO ANYTHING#FREE MY GIRL SHE ONLY DID SOME OF THAT SHIT#also. the people who hate her this much also bullied an author off of all fucking social media in large part bc of how he wrote her.#which is just utterly inhumane and vicious behavior.#god. i never played d1 but i miss her hot topic sales rack outfits. bring the black leather back.#god.#mara sov#character of all fucking time i love her so so so dearly#deeply unwell control freak dyke with mommy issues u can see from space and the literal weight of the universe on her shoulders 💌💌💌#going to be using the tags on this post as a blocklist lmfao
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[“It was only after I came out as a dyke that, for the first time in my life, I felt ready to celebrate being a girl, and I did. Actually, I overdid. Armed with Esther Newton’s Mother Camp, Judith Butler’s Gender Trouble, and Joan Nestle’s A Restricted Country, I embraced femme. I dressed up in short flowery dresses, pushup bras, satin panties, and lacy stockings. I paid great attention to my long, curly, perfectly-coiffed hair, my glamorous makeup, and especially my pouty lips. I spritzed Lola’s smell on my skin—Estee Lauder’s Private Collection—and painted my nails. I wore all of it with black combat boots and a brilliant sense of irony. I reveled in my girliness, went over the top, learned how to tweeze my eyebrows and line my lips with a lip pencil.
My gender presentation was unmistakable: blatant female sexuality. I was a proud, in-your-face, take-no-prisoners, uppity, don’t-assume-I’m-straight-because-I-wear-lipstick-and-dresses femme dyke. Because femmes are always assumed to be straight or sleeping with men, and I do sleep with men, I made sure to always have a butch on my arm so I’d be read as femme. Even though I was sure I’d be mistaken for straight, the boys took one look at me and steered clear. It was as if I was too much of a woman for them to handle, like I was a handful, and I was. But butch girls love a handful—a handful of tits, a handful of ass, a girl who needs to be handled, a girl who can handle herself.
How I figured out I was a femme had a lot to do with the women I was attracted to and the dynamic between us. When I was in junior high, I used to mess around with a friend of mine named Angela. Angela was one of those girls who developed early; I remember she had big breasts in like sixth grade. We mostly kissed and touched over clothes, and we played out various boy-girl scenarios. I was always the girl—my early femme roots. My favorite of all our little scenes was the one where she was my male boss and I was the secretary. The boss made me have sex with him and told me if I didn’t I would get fired. Now this was all before Clarence Thomas, Anita Hill and the media awareness/obsession with sexual harassment. I remember she’d tell me to suck her dick and push my face unmercifully into her crotch, which smelled amazing,. The drama of it all—the force, the degradation, the power games—really got me off. After that, there was no going back to simplicity. I was hooked on the power.
Jen really epitomized all the girls I was attracted to then and still am. Being with a butch girl, I was valued for my combination of strength and vulnerability, for dressing up, for wanting an arm to hold onto, hips to wrap my legs around, being able to give my body over to her and say, I trust you, I’m yours. My butch loved me in low-cut dresses, appreciated my sexual voraciousness, worshipped my inner slut. I reveled in the fact that I could be strong and submissive all at once. Surrender and still be a feminist. Being a dyke is not just about who I fuck and love, it’s about being a girl who doesn’t play by the rules.
Butch girls don’t play by the rules either, and I love butch girls. Girls with hair so short you can barely slide it between two fingers to hold on. Girls with slick, shiny, barbershop haircuts and shirts that button the other way. Girls that swagger. Girls who have dicks made of flesh and silicone and latex and magic. Girls who get stared at in the ladies room, girls who shop in the boy’s department, girls who live every moment looking like they weren’t supposed to. Girls with hands that touch me like they have been touching my body their entire lives. Girls who have big cocks, love blow-jobs, and like to fuck girls hard. Every day, it is the girls that get called Sir that make me catch my breath, the girls with strong jaws that buckle my knees, the girls who are a different gender that make me want to lie down for them.
Someone else said it about me recently and it’s right on target: “She gets off on all different sorts of people sexually, but she falls for butches.” Like the poet who bought her first strap-on with me and then wanted to sleep with it on. The shrink-in-training who got harassed every time she drove down South. She did look so much like a fifteen-year-old boy: blue button-down shirts, neatly-combed blond hair. The ad exec who had names for her dildos and used to love for me to spit-shine her wingtips. The photographer whose face was so mannish she could pass almost anywhere. The writer who wanted a body like Loren Cameron’s. The telephone repairwoman who drove a truck. The cook who had a boy’s name. The academic who got cruised by gay men on Castro Street. The cornfed farmboy from the Heartland with arms so hard and strong you swear they’ve been working the land, not the iron at the gym.
And there’s the one who’s got the James Dean stare down, and dresses like a clean-cut fag, and looks at me like she could look at me forever and never blink or grow tired or move from the spot she’s in. She’s a girl who loves girls like me—girls in velvet bras, girls who want to surrender to her mouth. She’s a girl who isn’t afraid to throw a femme down on the bed and fuck her. Possess her. My kind of girl. This girl is different.”]
tristan taormino, from this girl is different, from a woman like that: lesbian and bisexual writers tell their coming out stories, 2000
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