#fuckin bangers all around

[justagaycryptid]

I don't get a spotify wrapped bc I simply do not use spotify due to the fact that the frequent ads make me want to swallow teeth but anyways even if I did I would share my results with no shame bc my taste in music is flawless actually <- borderline unlistenable

[yappacadaver]

burn the earth would've been great for an animatic if i could get it to fit just a bit tighter

[nvrswrld]

can you do rodrick heffley x gn reader who is also in a band and is the drummer ? maybe like an enemies/rivals to lovers situation idk

You and I — Rodrick Heffley

"Without you there is no reason for my story / And when I'm with you I can always act the same / Forever, yeah, if we're together / We can make it better"

— in which your rivalry finally concludes.

rodrick heffley x gn!reader

tags: rivals to lovers, not proof-read, kinda rushed at the end

notes: bless your soul for requesting this, i had literally so much fun writing it <33 i also took inspiration from lemonade mouth for the setting, which is a fuckin banger movie

Like a coyote and a lamb. Like a predator and its prey. He was always there—watching. Waiting for the moment you slipped up. At least, that was his excuse. Whenever someone asked, "hey Rodrick, if you hate y/n so much, why are you always showing up to their band's gigs?" he'd always say the same thing.

He craved your embarrassment. It's always been that way.

You had a better reputation. Despite your band being as popular as his (so not very), people never criticized it because your music was decent. And you—in his eyes—were perfect. You were everything he sometimes wished he was. You had what he wanted. Even if what you had wasn't much to be proud of, he still wanted it. Rodrick Heffley was jealous of you. Of the way people looked at you and not him. So, to see him sitting at a table all alone, staring right at you; not trying to be subtle in the slightest. It wasn't surprising, and it definitely wasn't new. In fact, you'd be shocked if he missed any of your gigs.

You were playing at a pizza joint, which was probably not the ideal place for a rock band to play, but your group was taking whatever they could get. A gig is a gig and publicity is publicity. It was a win-win in your book. Aside from Rodrick's envious glare from across the room, it was a good night.

Until after you guys played, at least. See, there were four of you. Ryan, the lead guitarist. Courtney, the vocalist. Owen, the bassist. And you, the drummer. All four of you were equally a mess. A very unorganized mess.

After playing, you treated yourselves to pizza and refreshments to celebrate a good night. The thing was that Courtney and Ryan were dating, and they weren't uncomfortable with the concept of PDA. Fortunately for Owen, his mom picked him up early. You, however, were not lucky, meaning that after taking a moment in the bathroom, you came back to see the booth you were sitting at empty, aside from the leftover food.

You knew Ryan and Courtney long enough to know what happened. They were either making out in the backseat of his car, or they left the property completely and drove back to one of their houses to make out. And considering the fact that Ryan was the one who picked you up, you were completely fucked. Your dad's car was stuck at a repair shop and your mom had no clue how to drive. You couldn't even catch an Uber because you were broke as hell.

Maybe it was fate, or maybe it was the universe being your number one hater.

One thing led to another and now you're sitting in the passenger seat of Rodrick's van, holding onto the grab handle for dear life as he sped down the street. Your drum set slid around the back of the van, taking hard hits every time he took a sharp turn. If he kept this up any longer, you'd probably get carsick.

"For the love of all things holy, slow down!" You desperately yelled over the sound of the engine purring. He gave you an unimpressed look before sighing and slamming his foot onto the brake, making the car come to a sudden stop. You almost flew out of your seat from the impact.

"Of course," he began, "leave it to y/n to ruin the fun." You brushed your hair out of your face and sent a glare his way.

"I'm sooo sorry for worrying about our safety," you shot back sarcastically. "Could you maybe try to drive like a normal person, for a change?" He glanced out his car window and smirked, pretending to put effort into considering your request.

"Huh, let me think about it... No." His smirk dropped and was replaced with his usual look of displeasure. You scoffed and threw your head back against the headrest in defeat. You should've known asking him such a thing would be a waste of breath. It's not like this was your first time driving with him. Every time you asked for him to slow down, he just ignored you; pretending that he couldn't hear you basically screaming over the engine. But for some reason, he didn't do that this time...

When he started driving again, he only went two miles over the speed limit instead of the usual twenty-plus. He was listening to you, and it was weird. Not that you hated it. Much like any normal person, you were quite grateful that your life wasn't currently on the line because of an idiot of a driver. It didn't even make sense for him to have a driver's license.

At least, you assumed he had one.

Thanks to the speed he was going, you managed to calm your racing heart and relax your muscles. You let go of the grab handle and let your hands fall to your lap. A beat of silence passed as Rodrick focused on the road.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" You asked, referring to the gig. The boy beside you didn't spare you a glance, keeping his eyes focused on the road in the meantime.

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Y'know, you usually say no, but I saw you bopping your head a few times." In response to your comment, he slammed the brakes a second time, causing your body to fly forward aggressively. You cursed under your breath and rubbed the back of your head to soothe the pain from banging into the headrest.

He, however, was unfazed and proceeded to drive. "Can it, asswipe." But you could see the hint of a smile creeping up on the corner of his lips. You rolled your eyes and rested your head against the car door window. "Why are you so..."

"So?"

"...I don't know. Why do you hate me so much?" It's not like you ever did anything to hurt him. When you first met, you tried to be nothing but kind to him. Yet, ever since he found out about your little talent, he made his strong disdain for you clearer than glass. "It's like you enjoy being confusing."

He hesitated, debating on whether to answer your question or leave you guessing. On one hand, he didn't feel like having this conversation with you, but on the other, he knew that you wouldn't take the latter for an answer.

"I don't hate you. What makes you say that?" He asked innocently, trying his best to walk around your question. You gave him a look of disbelief and sneered at his utter bullshit lie.

"You don't hate me? Yeah okay, that explains why you're always glaring at me at every chance you get. Why you always mock me whenever I say literally anything. Why you try to get in crashes every time you drive me home."

"To be fair, I always drive like that," he spoke in defense. "And I don't glare at you all the time."

"Then what—the hell—were you doing while I was playing?"

"Inspecting you." You rolled your eyes for what had to have been the hundredth time that night. Of course he wasn't holding himself accountable; why would he? He didn't owe you anything, and you never expected any less. "You're not special, y/n. Are you that self-centered that you think I have a problem with you?"

That question angered you. He was obviously trying to get under your skin, and by God, it was working. "I'm not self-centered, dipshit. I'm observant. So now that we're alone, you might as well tell me what your problem is, Rodrick."

For the second time, he was silenced. But it only lasted for a little while. Contrary to the stern look on his face, his voice was soft. "I don't hate you, y/n," he reiterated. "You're just... I don't know how to feel about you."

It was like a never-ending battle with himself. He wanted to hate you, but he couldn't. He had no valid reason to. You were nice to him no matter how many times he chose to be a dick to you. He wasn't confusing, Rodrick thought. You were confusing. Why were you so nice to him? He never deserved it. How long would it take for your patience to finally run low? Yeah, you were doing better than him in terms of social hierarchy, but you had no control over people liking you. And that answered a question for him so flawlessly: if you weren't in the picture, would anything change? Would he have the spotlight?

The answer was short, but far from sweet. Nothing would change. He'd still be the Rodrick that everyone knew and hated. You were a naturally likable person, while he was the odd one out. If he was to hate anyone, it should've been himself.

"You annoy the hell out of me and you don't even have to try." It was absurd. "You make me think about how much of an asshole I am, and I hate thinking about my actions." You held back a laugh but allowed a smile to fall upon your face.

He continued his rant. "I guess what I'm thinking is that you're a perfect example of who people want me to be. And with you being a drummer as well, it's just even more annoying. Like a comparison for everyone to see." It was like he was in your shadow, and you weren't even aware of it.

You took a deep breath and let the air escape through your nose. His words were a lot to take in, and you weren't expecting such hard-hitting reasoning from such a dull guy. Then again, you always knew he didn't apply his full potential in certain situations, so it was hard to tell with him. "Rodrick," you started, your voice soft and understanding, "I'm not all that great, and I really hope you know that. Don't beat yourself up just because I'm too much of a coward to be mean to people."

He raised an eyebrow at your words, urging you to keep talking. You complied. "The only reason why I'm not going around cursing people out is because I'm actually trying to not get my ass beat. I don't like everyone—hell, I barely like anyone at that fucked up school. But that's what differentiates us. I'm a coward and you're not."

You spoke with full sincerity and vulnerability. You were opening up to him. "It's not like I'm a perfect angel or something. I'm just a pussy. And sometimes I wish I were as confident as you are."

The only reason why you were a sweetheart to everyone was to avoid conflict. Rodrick bit his bottom lip as he listened to you. "So you just let people walk all over you? Seriously?"

"That's the only reason so many people like me," you answered. "People don't care about you being nice. It's all about whether you're a doormat or not." You unfortunately had a point. People only came to you when they needed something. "You aren't a doormat and you're not afraid to be yourself. That's why people hate you."

"So you shouldn't hate me, or whatever the case is," you explained. "Because, truth be told, you're better than me."

That last sentence was enough to make him do a double-take. At first, he was surprised at your admission, but now he was laughing. You furrowed your eyebrows, assuming that he wasn't taking your heartfelt commentary seriously. "What's so funny?"

Rodrick shook his head as he continued to snicker. "Man, I never thought I'd live to see the day you'd admit that I'm better than you." He hit your shoulder playfully with the back of his free hand, completely ignoring your semi-annoyed expression.

"Rodrick, I'm being serious."

"I know that. That's what makes it hilarious." Eventually, his van drove up to a red light and came to a stop. He rubbed his face with his hands and let out one last airy laugh. "Shit, y/n..."

You glared at him for a few more seconds before staring down at your lap. A smile slowly forced its way onto your face. You wanted to laugh because of him. He was so childish...

"I really couldn't hate you if I wanted to," he confessed. "Thanks for the compliment though, dork."

You didn't think much of his comment. Instead, you enjoyed the one rare time you and him weren't trying to strangle each other. Not like you ever hated it. It was more entertaining than anything, and you looked forward to it most days. Sometimes, the insults he called you were a little too funny to ruin your day. Now that you thought about it, Rodrick never did offend you. You liked your stupid little rivalry.

...huh.

"...I don't hate you either," you muttered awkwardly. "In case you're wondering."

"I knew that, but I never understood why." You simply shrugged and watched the cars beside you begin to move once the light turned green again.

"You never gave me a reason to. I mean, I never really took your insults seriously." You didn't need to look at him to know that he was unsure about what you were saying. "You're not as intimidating as you think you are. Far from it actually."

"Oh really? Then what am I to you?" He asked. You could've sworn there was some sort of smug aura to him. "What do you want to be?" You questioned. He shook his head with his signature smile, refusing to answer your question. He wasn't smiling out of joy, he was smiling out of uneasiness. "That's a stupid question to ask."

"Why are you avoiding it?"

"Because it's stupid."

"You basically asked me the same thing!"

"Yet you never answered me." He got you there. But you weren't sure how to answer the question. It was like trying to take a shot at someone in the dark. What was Rodrick to you? You were never sure if you could consider him a friend, but he wasn't your enemy as far as you were concerned.

"I don't know what you are to me," you answered truthfully. "Seriously, we have, like, a love-hate relationship or something... Not that I can even call it that since I don't hate you. So, I don't know."

You turned to him and stared at him with your curious eyes. "Now answer my question."

As you said that, he pulled into the driveway of your house. He pulled his hand away from the steering wheel and folded his arms against his chest. He looked down at his lap, much like what you did whenever you got nervous or annoyed. "Alright, I'll be real with you."

"It wouldn't, like, suck if I was, like, yours, or something." You paused. Actually, it felt like the whole world paused at that moment. Rodrick Heffley, that demon of a boy, liked you. You weren't embarrassed. You were shocked. Mainly because all of that tormenting he did was just an act, and that was a little hard to believe. But it all made sense once you remembered what he told you.

He couldn't hate you if he wanted to.

Once the shock finally cleared, you grinned and scratched at your neck anxiously. "Oh yeah? That's how you feel?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?" You rolled your eyes and unbuckled your seatbelt before opening the door and climbing out of his van. "Come help me." Rodrick let out a groan that was mixed with both annoyance and fear. Fear that you would make fun of him for thinking of you in such a way. He got out on his side and sluggishly walked to the back of the van to help you carry your drum set to your garage.

"Y'know, you can just hurry up and hit me with the 'ew no, don't ever talk to me again'," he offered. "It wouldn't be the first time I heard it."

"What makes you think I'd say that?" You inquired. He let out a scoff. "Why wouldn't you?" It would make more sense if you did.

You both stayed silent as you brought your equipment back to your garage. When you finished, Rodrick began to walk back to his van. But you stopped him before he could get back in.

"Hey, Rod?" He hummed and turned around to face you. You walked up to him, took him by his cheek using your thumb and index finger, and pulled him down so you could press a short peck onto his lips. Afterward, you pulled away from his lips but stayed in his proximity. "Call me when you get home," you ordered in a quiet, smooth tone, "okay?"

He stared down at you in astonishment, his mouth hanging ajar as he tried to process what the hell happened in the last ten seconds.

"Uh—yeah, uh... I can do that," he muttered bashfully. You responded with a 'good' and gently patted his cheek two times before walking to your front door as if you hadn't just flipped the guy's entire world upside down.

"I'll be waiting," you called out before shutting the door and leaving Rodrick outside, frozen in place.

It was totally fate.

written by @nvrswrld

[megamindsecretlair]

Sunday

Pairing: Tyrone x Black!reader / Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, multiple uses of the n-word, refer to female anatomy as "she". You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. Smut, PWP, cursing, PIV, oral (fem receiving), cum play, breeding kink if you squint, possession kink, size kink, all consensual. Mentions of drug use and drug dealing, allusions to violence and murder.

Summary: You usually visit your grandmother on the weekends but manage to cross paths with Tyrone one day and your life was forever changed.

Word Count: 3,025k

A/N: You ever get an idea you just can't get out of your head? This was me with this fic and I had too much fun writing it! John Boyega got no business being that damn fine and I am absolutely feral. Enjoy my brain rot. Likes are always awesome. Please consider commenting and reblogging to help support writers!

Taglist: @planetblaque @dayjlovesromance @sevikasblackgf @melaninpov @amyhennessyhouse @wakandas-vibranium @henneseyhoe @honeyoriginalz @justheretostan @black-fairy3 @superhoeva @jarfulloftears @hereformiles @montysstuffs

Tyrone knew that you didn’t want to mess with no banger. It was only by accident that you two even met. You were visiting your grandmother early in the afternoon. You usually went on the weekends, early in the morning to watch her stories with her and then you were long gone by the time Tyrone rolled out of bed and headed to the corner store.

You happened to be in the neighborhood and stopped to check on her. She was doing fine as usual, except she wanted some ice cream. As always, you told her to get her sugar down and maybe you’d sneak her something. She always managed to find the little piece of candy in your pocket. It was your secret and it didn’t hurt. 

As you were walking out of the house, Tyrone pulled up blasting music with the windows rolled down. He caught you looking and gave you one of those fuck boy smiles. Licked his lips and looked you up and down. You intended to ignore him. But hell, you weren’t blind. 

He had gotten out of the car lazily. Swinging his legs out of the car and stretching a bit, showing his stomach as his black shirt rode up. He walked up to you confidently and held out his hand. 

“Tyrone,” he said. No other words, no other fake ass compliments. Just his name because he was that damn cocky. 

You shook his hand and gave him a polite smile. You told him your name and he rolled it around his tongue. “Pretty ass name,” he said. 

You rolled your eyes. “How many little girls does that work on?” You had asked him. 

He nodded and shrugged. “A few, I ain’t gon’ lie,” he said. 

“Good, ‘cause I’on like liars,” you told him. 

He put his hands in the pockets of his sweats and eyed you up and down once more. He took in the horror movie on your T-shirt. “You watch that shit?” 

“I wouldn’t wear if I didn’t,” you told him. 

From there, it spiraled into Tyrone waking up just a bit earlier to see you come out of your grandmother’s house. He’d give you shit about whatever was on your T-shirt for the day. Sometimes, you’d wear something wild just to see what he’d say. 

“Pussy: Push until she screams yes?” Tyrone read your shirt and burst out laughing. He was so damn sexy. From his cornrows to his big, sexy ass lips, and his deep voice. It was hard not to crush on the man. But you didn’t want to. You didn’t want all the drama that came from his world. Not like he made it fuckin’ easy to resist him. 

He was always finding ways to touch you. Whether it was to get your attention, push you, poke you, or pull you closer by your shirt. “I’m just trynna read it, damn!” He’d say and pull you too close where you knew damn well he couldn’t read that shit. 

The heat of his body was like a furnace. Like touching a hot stove. LA was already fuckin’ hot this summer. The sun wasn’t pulling punches and neither was Tyrone. 

“Come chill for a bit,” he’d say. 

“Boy bye, I’m not coming in there with you!” You’d tell him. 

It was cool. He’d try again the next time he saw you and the time after that. Your crush got so bad that you were starting to linger if you arrived before he got up. If he wasn’t sitting on the porch when you pulled up, he was definitely sitting on it when you got out. He’d wait patiently for you to visit with your grandmother and he’d ask how she was doing. 

Your grandma used to tell you about the nice young man next door. She was always dropping hints about that nice boy who helped her with the groceries sometimes. You thought it was just some punk kid looking for a favor. But to actually meet Tyrone…yeah, you kind of got it.

He was the perfect mix of hood, toxic, and a good man. You didn’t know how it was possible. He probably had a couple of bodies on the gun hanging out of his backside. You couldn’t help but notice it every time he turned around. You were already staring at his juicy ass. The gun made you uncomfortable for a variety of reasons. The chief among them being that at any point, his ass could be taken out by other hood muthafuckas on the block. 

That one fact kept you from ever getting too close. It was hard to tell your heart that. The poor idiot just wanted him. So you always found some excuse to leave or bow out. You’d blame it on meeting up with your friends or your parents or work. 

Tyrone just gave you that same cocky smirk and he’d tell you he’d miss you. He’d watch you walk away and get in the car. You’d feel his eyes on the back of your head. 

“Come chill for a bit. And don’t give me no shit about work or whatever. I know yo ass lyin’,” he said.

“I’on like lying,” you told him. 

“Then give me a good reason why you won’t come inside,” he said. He stared at you intently, daring you to contradict him or give him a lame excuse. 

“I don’t fuck with bangers,” you told him. 

He’d playfully roll his eyes and wave you off. “I don’t even bang like that,” he said. 

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes. Sometimes he’d be out here with his friends. You knew dope dealers when you saw them. They were constantly passing bottles and pills back and forth with all kinds of people. Getting money in exchange to do whatever the hell he did with it. Probably spent it on some girl he was fuckin’. 

You weren’t jealous, by much. You’d seen the way he walked. That nigga was cocky for a reason. And you wanted no parts. Okay, maybe some parts. 

He finally tugged on your hand and led you inside of his house. You were expecting it be gross or filthy. But it was surprisingly clean. He had a couch and some chairs, minimal artwork, and the kitchen was decent. He had a flat screen TV on turned to some game. 

He sat down on the couch and pulled you close until you were snuggled up against him. “I’m not fuckin’ you Tyrone,” you said.

He laughed and shook his head. “That’s yo nasty ass mind in the gutter. I just wanted you close to me,” he said. 

“Mhm,” you muttered.

His phone rang and he picked it up. You couldn’t hear what the other person was saying but you knew it was a woman. You smirked at him while he looked at you. “I’m a little busy,” he said to the person. 

The person began yelling and Tyrone hung up the phone and tossed it onto the glass coffee table. 

“Who was that?” You asked with a smirk. 

“Shit, I’on know,” he said. 

You shook your head. “You probably got a girl for every day of the week,” you said. 

“I’m just missin’ Sunday. You free?” He asked.

“Boy, shut up!” You laughed. You stole his remote and flipped through channels until you landed on a thriller you love. You caught it near the beginning and you told Tyrone what he needed to know to catch him up.

“I can’t believe you don’t watch TV. Like…everyone watches TV,” you said. 

He shrugged. “I just don’t watch it like that. I got shit to do,” he said. 

“Yo ass just like sitting outside to see what you can get into,” you said. 

“I just like watchin’ yo pretty ass,” he said. 

You sighed and twisted your lips at him. “You already know that shit don’t work on me, Tyrone,” you said. 

He chuckled and pulled you closer. You were already so close to him. You could smell his clean, soapy scent mixed with weed. He kissed your cheek and smirked at you. “I been seeing you round here for weeks. I see the way you look at me,” he said.

“Like you crazy?” You asked.

“Naw, like you trynna see what this dick can do for you.”

You choked on a laugh and slapped at his stomach. It was solid under your hand. Not super thick with corded muscles but he had some meat on him. Strong, capable, tough. “Now who’s got the gutter mind?” 

He pinched your shirt and released it. “How many licks does it take?” He asked. His voice was low and rusty. It sent tingles up the back of your thighs. You shifted in your seat and tried to lean off of him but he held you to him. Not giving you an inch. 

“Tyrone…” you warned him. You didn’t want to start this shit. But he looked at you like he was trying to eat you for dinner. He licked his lips and looked at your eyes, your cheeks, your lips. His hand roamed over your bare legs, exposed in your cut off shorts. So what if you wore it just for him? It was harmless. Until his fingers played with the distressed hem. 

“Let me see what it taste like,” he said. 

Your pussy contracted and you felt yourself getting wetter. You were always wet whenever you spoke to him. Some days, after seeing him, you’d go home and take care of yourself. You’d even set the mood. You’d replay the conversation and his flirting while running a bath. Setting up some candles. Laying on your bed and using your vibrator as you came just to the image of him in your mind. 

But it paled in comparison to feeling his body next to yours. His fingers on your thigh and his arm around your shoulders. He leaned down and captured your lips in his. His juicy lips were wet and hot and he sucked on your bottom lip. Your kisses were loud and sloppy and you wiggled on the couch trying to find some relief.

“Let me see what it taste like,” he said again. 

“Ain’t yo momma at home?” You asked.

He shook his head. “She don’t never come out her room. Her TV too loud, she won’t hear shit,” he said. 

You scowled. The last thing you wanted was to meet his mom with your ass up in the air getting pounded by her baby boy. He saw the look on your face and smirked. 

He grabbed your hand and pulled you to his room. It fit him. There were posters on the wall and his clothes strewn about. He picked up some of it off of his bed and closed his bedroom door. 

Then he was back to kissing you and running his hands over your ass. He squeezed and kneaded the globes of your ass and you moaned into his mouth. Your hands grabbed his shirt and yanked it off of him, finally giving you an entire view of his body. Fuck, he was so hot. His sexy brown skin was lickable. Your ran your hands greedily on him. 

Tyrone slipped your hoodie off your shoulders and then unbuttoned your shorts. He pushed it and your panties down your legs. Then he got rid of your shirt and bra until you were standing buck ass naked in his room. 

You reached for his sweats and he batted your hand away. “Get on the bed,” he said.

“Who the hell you talkin’ to like that?” You asked.

Instead of answering, he grabbed you and pushed you onto the bed. You bounced as you sat down. You opened your mouth to say something but he grabbed your legs and pushed them as far as he could. 

He studied your wet pussy and the way you contracted as he looked. He smirked and looked at you. “Needy little fuckin’ pussy, ain’t she?” 

You gasped and huffed out a laugh. He got to his knees and ran his tongue down the crease of your fold. He moaned. “Goddamn, you taste fuckin’ good. But how many licks does it take?” 

He was quoting your shirt again. Your hands were braced behind you to keep you upright. Your chest bobbed up and down as you started to hyperventilate. You had imagined him between your legs for weeks. Too cowardly to say anything to him. You hid behind the “I don’t fuck with bangers” line. You were sure that little bit of armor was all you needed to resist Tyrone. If that were true, you wouldn’t be moaning at the sight of him kneeling before you.

His nose nudged your pussy lips and he inhaled. “Fuck,” he whispered before kissing you there. His tongue darted out and he began to lick you, kiss you, suck on you until you were a whimpering mess. 

Your legs were shaking as he tongue fucked you. “Oh fuck, oh shit, Tyrone. Fuuuuck,” you moaned. You leaned on one hand while you dug your nails into his hair. 

“Stop fuckin’ playin’ with me,” he said. He stared at you, almost angrily, as he went back to eating you out. 

Your stomach was on fire as pressure built low and steady. He flicked the little nub until you were sobbing and cumming on his tongue. He leaned up with that signature cocky grin. Your juices were all over his mouth and chin. He wiped it away with his hand. 

“Got a nigga sprung over here,” he said. “I wanna see what else this pussy can do,” he said. He drew down his sweats and his cock sprang free. 

It was long and thick and your eyes widened. “Where the hell you gonna put that?” You asked. There was no fuckin’ way that was fitting inside of you. It was truly a one-eyed monster. Thick and veiny. The head was already leaking a little bit. 

He grinned as he stroked himself. “Sit yo pretty ass back,” he said. He didn’t wait for you to comply. He pushed on your stomach until your back hit the bed. He grabbed your fleshy thighs and yanked until you were half hanging off of the bed. 

He wrapped your legs around his waist as he dipped his cock inside of you. There was already a slight burning and you moaned. “Fuck, Tyrone. You’re too big,” you whined. 

“Suck it up, ‘cause this finna be my favorite spot,” he said. “Shit, this all mine now.” 

You laughed but it turned into a gasp as he started to work himself inside you. He pleasantly stretched you out as he gave shallow strokes to wet his dick with your arousal and make him sliding in easier. 

Then, he added his thumb to rub circles on your clit. You clenched around his dick and he moaned. “Just like that,” he said. He continued to rub circles, making you relax and take all of him. He still hadn’t bottomed out, but he was starting to increase his strokes. 

“I knew this fuckin’ pussy was gonna be good. I ain’t know it would be this good,” he said. His voice was low as if he weren’t really talking to you. Your nails grazed his stomach as you tried to push him away. You didn’t want him to stop, it just felt so fucking good to finally have him inside of you. 

He grabbed your hand and slammed it onto his bed. He leaned over to do it, so he was driving in a little deeper. 

“Shit, I think I can go deeper. What you think?” He asked.

“There’s…no…way…” you said in between gasping and moaning. 

He licked his lips and winked at you before increasing the intensity of his strokes while slowing down the tempo. He shoved in once and then twice and he seemed to unlock some hidden level inside of you because he did go in a bit deeper. 

“If you keep on, I’m gonna…fuckin’...shit…” You were close to cumming and his finger on your clit was making you dumb. Boneless and shivering. You couldn’t think, let alone say anything. 

The unexpected slap to your titties half woke you up. You couldn’t focus on him. He was fucking all common sense out of you. He pulled on one nipple before leaning down and suckling it into his mouth.

It was like a straight shot of desire straight to your pussy. You clenched around him and he moaned around your nipple. He tugged on it with his teeth, running it back and forth.

You came with his name on your lips. You didn’t care who heard you. There was noway to hide what ya’ll were doing in here. The whole block could hear you and you didn’t care one bit. The orgasm tore through you, ripped through you; it sent you into another fucking dimension where you lost all sense of self. There was just his dick still slamming inside of you.

Your vision winked in and out and your eyes rolled back. Is this what dying felt like? Complete bliss and peace unlike you had ever known? Tears slipped from your eyes and disappeard into your kinked hair. 

Tyrone grunted as he pounded a few more times before spilling his cum inside of you with a string of curses. He pumped you full until you were near bursting with his cum. 

“I’ma put a baby this pussy and keep you forever,” he said. He collapsed on top of you and you giggled while he kissed his way up your chest. He kissed the top of both your titties before kissing your neck, your ear, your jaw, and finally your lips. 

You were still joined and he rocked a little bit. You groaned. You were riding a fine line between pleasure and pain. 

“Naw, I’m gonna keep you,” he said. He grinned and kissed you. You were too fucked out to speak. To think. To register what just fucking happened. But you wouldn’t mind being kept by him. 

You’d keep him too. 

[curvykittyyssmutfics]

Can you do a clingy possessive Tony stark being super clingy with his wife that has to go to work or something and he basically eats her out so she won’t leave pls 🥺 love your fics!

You Know I Eat

"Bitch, you know I eat.." You rap, starin at yourself in the bathroom mirror as you tuck the left side of your hair behind your ear.

You can't help the way you pop your ass to the beat of your jam while it plays on the surround sound speakers throughout the mansion you share with Tony. Pretendin you don't feel your husbands fucking intense stare on your backside, you make ya juicy ass cheeks clap and jiggle in your stark white shirt dress.

"Pretty face wit sum pretty feet, bitch you know I eat.."

One last lean forward to wipe gloss off the corner of your mouth with your index finger and thumb, a small smile gracin your lined lips as you feel your fit slide up in the back a bit. The show you put on teases the fuck outta yo man so of course you gotta throw it back once more.

"Hoe I'm still on fleek, boss bitch- you can't compete. You already know what time it is, bitch I came ta eat.."

Just about done with the finishing touches on your look, you give a small half lick to the right side of your upper lip and a flick of your 28 inch y/h/c bone straight hair over your shoulder. Spinning round to asses the back of yourself through the mirror before turnin and comin face to face with your fine ass husband.

Tony stares you down ravenously, eyeing your frame while nibbling that sultry, full bottom lip as he leans against the doorframe. Muscled arms crossed against his strong bare chest, you notice his lengthy dick is hard and pokin the front of his black gym shorts. Doesn't even realize he's lookin like a fuckin snack.

Little do you know, hes thinkin the exact same thing about you. God damn, you look so alluring to him. He has the immediate urge to get to that prize in between your legs. Lust filled eyes drag up and down your frame once more before meeting your amused gaze.

"And where do you think you're goin, yn?" He asks, like you both haven't had this conversation a gazillion times today.

"You know I have to run to the office real quick and then I'm gonna meet up with girls. Don't act like we have argued about this earlier more times than I'd like to count."

The way you roll your eyes in the air tests Tony's patience. Makes him straighten up, arms at his sides as he takes a step toward you, nose flaring just a bit. You hold your ground, juting your waist out to the side as you put your hand on your hip.

"I believe I won that argument, as I win all of our arguments." Your cocky ass husband responds and he takes another step towards you.

Impossible to miss his sneaky advance, you can't help but to laugh aloud. Closing the distance, you step up and wrap your arms around his neck to pull his body to yours securely. His cock pokes at you, twitchin against you relentlessly. Your pussy calls back with an answering flutter.

"No, I win all our fights because Daddy can't take when I inhale his cock down my throat while massagin his fat balls." You counter back, speaking against his mouth before licking as his sensual bottom lip.

Tony eyes shut and he groans loud when he feels the tip of your tongue comes out to play. Grippin your waist, he humps his dick against you as the desperation for you slowly rises. Coupled with your reminder of how fuckin good you suck his dick he's, about ready to end this conversation and get to the fun part.

The racy banger you keep on repeat plays in the back ground as ya man rest his face between your perky brown tits and takes a deep breath. Tony backs you into the bathroom counter, lifting and setting you atop it. He steps between your open legs, kissing every inch of skin he can reach on your chest. Fuck his lips on your body get your pussy to start droolin in an instant.

"Stay." He softly demands when he pulls back from your tits, looking into your eyes.

The way he lovingly gazes at you, slowly bending to press sweet kisses on your neck has an arousing warmth spreading throughout your body. Your resolve already starts to break from his ministrations. Fuck maybe you could drop by the office tomorrow instead..

"Stay." He says again, and you feel his thumb press against the wet spot on your panties that sits right against your pulsing clit.

Your head drops back against the mirror as you inhale sharply. Tony doesn't play fair as he rotates his thumb in deliberate circles against you. Dammit, maybe the you can meet up with the girls another time..

"Stay." He commands one last time before dropping to his knees, pulling your skimpy cotton panties to the side and softly sucking on your sensitive button.

Your moan is loud and long as he suckles at you like he's nursin a tit. Looking down to watch, you notice your husbands closed eyes and look of pure bliss as he casually eats your pussy. The grip at your waist pulls you to the edge of the counter closer to his mouth and he whines your name into your wet pussy. His hips hump the air in the same rhythm that he laps at you, stiff cock wagging up and down repeatedly in his shorts.

"You gonna stay with Daddy for the day, baby?" He asks, nuzzling in your thick brown thighs before getting back to his meal.

"Fuuuuck.. IcantIcantIcant. Pleeeease. You kn-know I gotta goooo." You answer through heavy breaths and clenched teeth as he takes you apart piece by piece.

Although he keeps an unrushed steady pace, all of it is too much. You throw your head back into the mirror with a loud thud, trying to slow down the orgasm attempting to race through you. It's feels so fucking good that you don't notice how Tony lifts your right leg to let it hang over his shoulder loosely.

"Come on kitten," -suck- "Be Daddy's good girl," -suck- "Stay home with me today," -suck- "And I'll fiiiiinally do that thing you want." He offers in-between his slurps.

Fuck, you instantly know what he's referring to. It seemed so unlikely that you took it off your bucket list long ago. It's been a constant wet dream to have a threesome with him and his red and gold ironman suit. The thought excites you, makes your pussy clench and your orgasm inch closer as you hump your husbands mouth lustfully.

"OK, deal!" You concede, as he spreads your sticky brown lips and licks into the pink of your pussy.

Not even a second after the truce you feel his fingers leave your hips and rip open the buttons on your fit. Full, soft, brown tits bounce free as you gasp in utter disbelief.

"Daddy!" You squeal, watching as your buttons pop off and fly across the bathroom.

"I'll buy you another. Sorry." He hums into your slit, not sounding the least bit apologetic as he reaches up to grope your tit, flicking at the piercing on each of your dark nipples.

The action makes you tingle as you feel a pull in your core. Your shimmering gold wrap around heel dangles limply in the air as one of your hands frantically grab at the long strands of hair in the front of his head; the other arm shakily extends behind you to hold yourself up. Staring up at the ceiling unseeing, your leg curls around his head as he slips down to lick at the glistening between your pussy lips, thumb pressing quick firm circles at your clit.

"You're a mooonster.." You moan at your mean as man.

Tony only chuckles as he increases the suction at your soaked entrance before stiffening his tongue and plungin inside your quivering cunt. The sensation of him fucking you so voraciously with the wet muscle snaps your back into an arch. He uses the tip of his nose to press his thumb into your clit more firmly to give you more. His cock throbs fervidly as he enjoys eating you, craving the tight hold of your perfect little pussy.

You can't find it in yourself to give a single fuck about anyone else that might be in the mansion while you wail in complete rapture. It's simply reflexive when you yank Tony's head tight against your pussy and grind into his mouth. Your hips hump his face as you help fuck his tongue into you deeper. The groans he let's out as you tug his hair hard matches yours, as well as vibrate the hell outta your core.

"DaddyI'mgonnacum! Uhn, uhn, uhn, mmmmm.. Makin me feel so gooooood Daddy! Ah!"

You're gushy pussy wets up the lower half of his face as the dam bursts and your walls continuously contract around the talented tongue trying to devour you. The wetness drips generously down his chin, neck, and chest. It's one of the best orgasms of your life and you hope you're not drowning your hubby with the wave of juices flowing from you.

Tony's in heaven when you cum and convulse against his mouth. He's in love with the trembles spreading throughout you, so he removes his tongue from your pussy just to try and consume your pulsating button. His lips are a bit sore and swollen but the suction remains consistently persistent as you shriek for reprieve. But your husband only bullys the poor little gem with his devilish mouth, intense gaze taking in your passionate cries.

Your volume raises so high the you supercede the track playin over the bathroom speakers and he feels instant regret for not closing the bedroom door; knows his assistants are probably getting an earful of your wails from downstairs. Still he's just beyond grateful he ain't buss his load in his shorts; that nuts so he can spray and paint your perfect curvy body.

"Pleeeease Daddy! Allyoursbaby! Won't leave less you say yeeees Daddy! Pleasepleasepleaseplease!" Is the only one of your pleas he surrenders to.

Finally pullin back slowly, a knowing,sexy smirk in place as he lets your leg slide limply from his shoulder, he ogles you intently. Openly admiring how you try and fail to catch your breath, the rapid rise and fall of your breasts; delighted at how you tremble with closed eyes and pinched brows. Its quiet in the bathroom besides your heavy breathing and the song playing in the background.

When you eventually open your eyes, your met with Ironman on his knees behind your smirking husband. The eyes glow brightly as it looks from Tony to you. Ya fine ass man chuckles heartily at your shocked expression, before teasin you.

"Bitch, you know I eat."

[sunnywalnut]

Finished watching Dead Boy Detectives. Here are my honest thoughts.

-If you're going into it expecting another Good Omens, stop. Our protagonists are all minors. Teenagers. They cuss, they have total dirty mouths and sexual humor, but they are not eternal beings pretending to be middle aged men. They're ghosts. Dead Boys, if you will. Also this might be a stretch, but I'm assuming from the slightly less good CGI that the budget for this series was a LOT less than what it was for GO

-Edwin is kind of a dick in the first episode. But it's okay. Because character growth is swag.

-REALISTIC CHARACTER GROWTH!!! I liked Edwin a LOT more during the second episode BECAUSE of the character growth. And honestly? It's completely natural that bro is more than a little prickly after only being able to trust one guy for an extremely long time. Fair enough my guy. Carry on.

- this show kinda has Nimona vibes. If that makes sense. Witty humor, somewhat sexual dialogue, funny moments during serious times, though geared towards a younger audience. If you like those kinds of things, you will like this, I'm sure of it.

- In the early episodes, the pacing/character relationships feel a little off??? I'm not sure if that was because I was expecting another Good Omens or what. But after 2-3 episodes, the dust quickly settled and we got into the actual storyline. Which was extremely appreciated✨

-these villains are FUCKED up. I'm telling you. They are HORRIFIC. Had me squirming and cringing through their intense scenes. And gosh. That was a TRIP.

-TY TENANT PLAYS THE MAIN GUY EDWIN!!!! And he plays him WELL. I did not realize this going in to the show and thought his face was VERY familiar. Only after I looked it up did I realize why. He's our sassy son of Job. (EDIT: turns out Ty plays the Doom Patrol version. Not the one on Netflix. My bad! They do look pretty similar though, so ykw. Great casting. Also my point still stands. This guy is a pretty fuckin awesome actor. 10/10)

-Cat King is such a wild card holy SHIT.

-Charles is cute as fuck. His backstory HURTS. But also. I love the way his ears look. Like in the pictures that I saw of him they were of when the Cat King impersonated him so I was like oh chill. So he's got pointed ears bc feline but NOPE. He's just like that!! And honestly? Slay. I fuckin love it.

-oh did I mention tragic backstories???? Yeah we got those :D for everyone :D

-Niko is the best and I love her. Also I love how the letters on her desk are written in Japanese. That is a VERY nice touch of character building.

-hot butcher lady with throat tattoo

All in all. A truly delightful series and I genuinely hope it gets another season because I NEED to know what happens next. My little sister LOVED it and the ending had us all staring open mouthed at the TV screen in shock.

This 15yo girl is literally ranting my ear off, having adventures with the Dead Boys in her dreams and chatting with me about it, searching up fanfics and drawing fanart, the whole shabang. And it is DIFFICULT for this girl to get into shows like this. So honestly? This is perfect. Thank you, Neil. For giving us a whole other banger.

That being said. If anybody else has some younger siblings that are around 15-17 and are looking for shows to binge watch together, this is the perfect one. I'm telling you, you will NOT regret it (except maybe emotionally)

Thoroughly recommend.

[hballegro]

grandpa is gonna kick everyone's ass at basketball

hes got big thighs for a boy what do you want from me.

also he doesnt have to have a red bandana because hes repping the st louis cards [canonically accurate]

the file is officially Too Large [over 10k pixels across] so now i have to split the group shot up into segments so it actually uploads rip

just now realizing bj's head is really fuckin big comparatively. prolly gonna fix that when i do charles rip

bts under cut

shoutout nick valentine for being an aged man that i drew 5 million times in prep for making face wrinkles not look like ass

after my field day hiatus wherein i did everything but his face and stopped for like 5 years; yeehaw hes here.

i hope you all are fully realizing by now that i CANNOT dress myself let alone anyone else. that being said charles is gonna be wearing polo-esque clothing and have a sweater tied around his neck because rich people play polo and tennis. what do you want from me

shout out the cards they're a banger of a team. had to learn the whole history of their fucking hats for this and originally hat it as white and red [wrong for the 50s]

lastly

the file names

really fucked up grandpa on that one huh

[brutal-nemesis]

big question!! dude can we please see a scene in the AU where castys has his tongue cut off and he has to deal with that? like man, the shock and the pain and the fuckin grief? and neteri just being herself ofc

anyway the latest erebus chapter was heartbreaking you’re so good at being awful to these lads (i can’t stop reading)

Thank you I try,,,,,

Okay strap in fellas I think this is banger as hell I had a great time and let me know if you have any other requests for the AU!

Castys & Terror AU Masterlist - Castys Masterlist - Next→

Ingredients: shockingly, tongue gets cut off! some suffocation as well

Castys wasn’t great at sitting in chairs normally, something his parents had always reprimanded him for, but, hey, they’d never taken it as far as to fucking tie him to one, and Castys was grateful. This shit was uncomfortable. Like, yeah, the rough ropes around his wrists and ankles were tight and itchy, but also the position just sucked. Not that he’d rather be standing or something-

“You must be Castys!” The door had swung open, and now this little lady with a white coat on was walking up to him. 

“Yes, I’m Castys,” he said flatly as she scurried behind him before coming back without her bag. And then she just…stared at him. Castys wasn’t sure what she was looking at, since there really wasn’t much to see, just, like, him. Eventually her eyes wandered up to his, and she jumped in place a bit.

“Oh, right, I’m Neteri.” She stuck her hand out like she expected him to shake it.

“You know I’m tied up, right?”

“Ah. Yeah.” Her skin was dark enough that it wasn’t immediately obvious that she was blushing, but Castys was pretty sure she was. She ended up awkwardly grabbing his right hand and shaking it a bit. “I, um, I’ll be preparing you for this afternoon. Sorry, I’m just a bit nervous.”

“Well, you’re not tied to a chair so I think you’ll be okay.”

She laughed. “You’re right, you’re right, but I’m just…I think I’m going to do something I’m not supposed to do.”

Castys raised an eyebrow. “Let me go because I’m funny?”

Neteri rolled her eyes, but she was smiling, so clearly she did think he was funny. “No, you’re staying put, sorry bud. But I think I’m going to keep you. You’re kind of perfect.” She tried to cup his cheek in her hand, but Castys leaned away, staring at her with wide eyes.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” His mouth was really dry all of a sudden, he wasn’t perfect, he was a fuck-up, a useless heir, that had been his goal, he wasn’t good at anything he was supposed to be good at, he wasn’t well-mannered or polite, he had a huge fucking scar on his face and a lopsided smile because of it, he was filthy and vulgar and didn’t have any interest in getting married he was absolutely anything but perfect. So why the hell did she want him?

“It’s not important right now. You’ve got a big day ahead of you!” She clapped her hands, dismissing the subject entirely. He wanted to press her further, but after seeing the lovely object she pulled out of her pocket, everything else was forgotten.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Aw, what are you gonna do about it, Castys? I thought you were tied to a chair!” Great, now it was his turn to feel his face grow hot, because, yeah, what the fuck was he gonna do?

Normally, he doubted he’d immediately recognize it for what it was, but today, right now, after just being told this lady wanted to keep him, it was instantly clear. And Neteri was right, he was only able to squirm uselessly and lean away as she wrapped the collar around his neck without much trouble. His first swallow after she’d sealed it shut felt horrible, and he absolutely did not want to get used to it.

“See, it’s not so bad. It looks cute on you!” She ruffled his hair, which only made Castys more uncomfortable.

“I don’t want to be cute. I’m not a fucking dog.” He wasn’t sure whether the collar was part of Neteri’s weird desires or just to humiliate him, but either way he hated it.

“No, you’re not, but you’re also not a prince anymore, and you’re the property of the Xernan Empire, and this is a good reminder of that,” Neteri said as she walked around behind him, probably to her bag. Castys rolled his eyes. He didn’t need to be reminded that he wasn’t a prince, since it was his favorite new development in all of this. Unless…unless it wasn’t just a reminder for him, but for everyone else, too…He really, really hoped there wasn’t going to be some sort of public display, but given how Neteri’d said he had a “big day” ahead…fuck, that was probably the case, huh?

“Now, I’m going to…oh, I might get in so much trouble for this,” Neteri muttered as she stared at the floor, standing in front of him once again. She had leather gloves on, which would have been nice earlier when she was touching him, and she was holding…a pair of shears? He didn’t think she’d put on gloves if she was just going to cut his hair, and given that she thought she might get in trouble for it, it seemed like she was going to…maim him somehow. Castys curled his hands into fists as Neteri slapped her cheeks with her palms, still talking to herself. “No, I’m going to do this. I deserve it. It’s not that far off from what the emperor wants. Okay,” she held the shears up and gave Castys a concerningly bright smile. “Any last words?”

For once, Castys didn’t take the opportunity to speak.

Instead, he locked his jaw shut tight, teeth clenched so hard it hurt, lips pressed together, walls of protection around his tongue. 

That’s what she wanted, wasn’t it?

Neteri cocked her head, watching him. “Nothing to say all of a sudden? No jokes?” Her smile disappeared as her eyes narrowed. “You figured it out, didn’t you, Castys? What I’m going to do to you.”

He didn’t bother nodding.

Neteri stepped up to him, her knee on the chair in between his legs, leaning over him, her face right above his as he craned back to avoid her. “You’re going to have to get used to obeying me, Castys.” The cold metal of the shears rested on his cheek. “So open your mouth.”

If there’s one thing Castys was good at, it was disobeying orders.

After a few moments of neither of them moving, Neteri pinched Castys’s nose shut with her free hand, not saying a word. Fine, he could play that game. Hold on as the pressure in his chest built, as his head started to spin, as his vision started to darken, every fiber of his being screaming at him to just give in to the inevitable and take a breath. He could do it quick, a little gasp, fast enough that she wouldn’t be able to do anything. Okay, three, two…

The exhale was shaky, but it was fine, just a quick inhale as he snapped his mouth shut-

His teeth scraped against metal, the sensation sending shivers down his spine.

Neteri stared at him with a detached coldness as she rotated the shears, forcing his jaw open wide, wide enough for her to stick her hand in and grab his tongue, pulling it out despite his attempts to pull it back, turning the shears to the side now, opening them up, the cold blades-

Snip.

Castys’s mouth was hot it was burning he was choking the smell of blood was so strong he was suffocating on it her hand was still in his mouth her fingers pressed against his wound magic piercing through his jaw he’d scream if he had the air and then that was it her hand was gone he lurched forward coughing and spitting blood and saliva all down the front of the threadbare shirt he’d been given and once he saw the discarded little piece of pink flesh on the floor he couldn’t look at anything else he couldn’t believe that was it it was gone it wasn’t in his mouth his mouth was empty there was only the blood still dripping out and when Neteri laid a hand on his back he wanted to growl at her not to touch him but he couldn’t he couldn’t say anything anymore he was quiet nothing to say no thoughts or opinions of his own just how his parents had wanted him-

“It’s alright, Castys, just breathe. It was a little more difficult than it needed to be, but you did it.” And why did it need to be at all? “Just two more things left today and then you can rest. And then hopefully…” Her hand slid up, resting on the back of his neck, on that awful collar, and Castys wanted to scream. He never, ever wanted to belong to her.

But what he wanted didn’t matter anymore.

Castys was dragged out and whipped and branded and left out on display, brought back and patched up by Neteri and given soup that he couldn’t taste, and when the door slammed shut behind her, he finally allowed himself to cry.

His back and chest hurt, of course, the wounds aggravated no matter how he moved or what position he laid in, but he could deal with it. It was nothing compared to what he’d lost, the little pocket of empty space inside his mouth.

Words were all he’d ever have to really fight back, complaining when he was forced to do things he didn’t want to, scaring off all the suitors his parents picked out, jokes keeping him calm when he was scared or upset, even when he couldn’t do anything he could still say something, make sure everyone knew how he felt, and now he was more helpless than ever before and he couldn’t say a single fucking thing. 

He didn’t even know where he was going to end up, either sold off to some asshole or left in Neteri’s clutches, and no matter what, he wasn’t going to be treated like a person. The collar made it pretty clear. He was less than human now, a pet, a lab rat, property, something that didn’t need to have thoughts or opinions anymore. 

He’d rather be a prince after all.

Castys Cult: @as-a-matter-of-whump​ @blackrosesandwhump​ @fanmanga1357-blog​​ @thehopelessopus​ @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi

@hearse-song​ @muddy-swamp-bitch @whumpasaurus101 @yet-another-heathen​​ @galaxywhump 

@starnight-whump​ @his-unspoken-words​ @misspelledwitch @suspicious-whumping-egg​ @pumpkin-spice-whump​ 

@painsandconfusion @i-can-even-burn-salad @befuddled-calico-whump​ @whumpinggrounds​ @whump-queen​

@whumpedydump

[strangermarvelss]

kill bill- e.m

Pairing: Ex!Eddie Munson x Ex!Female!Reader

Summary: i might kill my ex, i still love him though. inspired by sza’s kill bill

Warnings: angst to the max, break-up, sad reader, cursing, drug use, chrissy is kinda made out to be a bad guy (oh well), hints at something towards the end

Request?: No

Word Count: 4k

A/N: sza’s new album slayed and this song is a banger i’m now obsessed with, so let me deliver some angst inspired by this new obsession. hope you enjoy! -sava

thank you to my sweet @myobmaya for beta reading &lt;3

part two

Happiness used to be a feeling you knew all too well, it used to come to you easily. The simplest things in life could brighten your day and allow you to exude rainbows and sunshine, even if there were thunderclouds booming in the distance. The crazy thing called young love can have that effect on people, making them unable to see anything but the light their partner brings to their life.

Pure envy corses through your bloodstream as you sit across the cafeteria, watching your ex wrap an arm around the “queen bee” of Hawkins High, Chrissy Cunningham. You weren’t sure where the hurt ended and the anger started, perhaps mixing together somewhere along the way within the past three weeks. The breakup was sudden, completely out of no where…at least that’s how it felt for you. But seeing Eddie Munson cozy up to Chrissy Cunningham after school ended last Wednesday was even more sudden and off putting than when he broke things off.

To say it hurt was an understatement. You spent a majority of your high school career watching him from a far, keeping your crush under wraps to save yourself the heartache of being rejected by him. You didn’t expect him to walk up to you one day before school with a singular rose in his hand, asking you out on a date the following Saturday night halfway through your junior year. Who would’ve thought it would even come to that, much less a not-so mutual break-up and a quick rebound that left you more broken than the thought of a simple rejection.

You will yourself to turn away from the couple, directing your attention to the sad tray of cafeteria food in front of you, pushing around your peas with your fork as you rest your head in your hand, trying your best to mask the mix of emotions swirling around inside you. Your best friend, Robin, sits across from you, taking in your sad figure as she pauses her conversation with one of her band mates. Looking up, she sees that your table is in direct eyesight of the Hellfire table you called a former home. She watched as Eddie laughed at something Chrissy said, before leaning closer to her ear and making her giggle into his figure.

“Fuckin’ asshole,” Robin mutters out, ripping her eyes away from your ex and landing back on you. “Y/N, please don’t let them get to you.”

“Kinda hard not to Robin. I mean, just look at how touchy they are,” you say, whipping your head back to look at them for a moment, before turning your head to give Robin a knowing look. “I mean, he was never that affectionate with me in public. So it’s like watching a car crash, you can’t tear your eyes away.”

“Screw them. Maybe he’s just doing this to make you jealous,” she suggests, making you scoff.

“Jealous for what? He made it clear that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, did not sugarcoat things when he broke it off. It’s like…like he never even cared about me to begin with,” you tell her, a frown twisting onto your lips.

She reaches across the table to hold your hand, a frown working its way onto her lips as well. The words cut her deep, wanting nothing more than to go across the room and give Eddie a piece of her mind in front of everyone, just so she could show everyone how much of a shitty person the metalhead truly was. But that wasn’t Robin’s style. Instead, she stayed by her best friend, holding her and trying to comfort her the best way she could.

“Y/N, that’s not true, please don’t say that. Eddie loved you so much, he always made that known whenever we would all hang out. Even when you weren’t there, he couldn’t stop talking about you in all the best ways,” she reassures you.

Looking back at the new couple once more, you see Eddie planting a soft kiss to Chrissy’s lips, smiling as he pulls away from her and watching how soft his eyes are while he looks to her. The same way he used to look at you.

“Given everything that’s happened,” you start, turning back to her. “I have a hard time believing any of that.”

Grabbing your tray, you stand from your place at the table. Robin’s quick to grab one of your arms, pulling you back as you turn back to your best friend once more, a look of concern meeting your gaze. You know she’s just trying to help you feel better, and you appreciate that. But somehow, it’s just doing more harm than good right now.

“Where are you going? Lunch isn’t over for another 15 minutes?” She questions, finally removing her hands from your arm. You sigh, looking to your tray still full of food as you think of an excuse before looking up to her.

“I’m just going to go study for a bit in the library. Don’t feel like being in here anymore. Is it still cool if Steve drives me home today before your shifts? If not, I can take the bus,” you ask. She nods, waving you off like it was no big deal.

“Of course! I’ll see if he can just make a habit to take you to and from school for the next couple months, no big deal.” 

You flash her a tight lipped smile, you silently thank her by tipping your head, then proceeding to walk towards the row of trash cans and dumping your lunch in one of the big bins, thankful you chose the other set of cans instead of the ones the Hellfire Club chose to sit near each day. Ducking out of the cafeteria, you pop in to the closest bathroom, standing over the sink as you look yourself in the mirror. 

Tears you’ve kept from forming quickly gather along your lash line, brimming and bubbling over the edge and blurring your eyesight, making your reflection unclear, like a bunch of blobs just sitting there in a rectangle. 

You wished you had a proper explanation. What made him realize he no longer wanted to be with you anymore? Obviously he didn’t love you anymore, otherwise he wouldn’t have moved on so quickly. No effort into hiding it to spare your feelings, just walking into school with an arm around Chrissy’s shoulder, fingers laced together as they both laughed at something one of them said. It made you physically sick to your stomach.

But the more important question you had was why did he choose her? The two of them had nothing in common. She was in with the popular crowd, jocks, preps, and other elite members of Hawkins High planted at her side while Eddie hung out with the other outcasts, leading his group to victory as they played Dungeons and Dragons together every Friday night. Hell, her ex-boyfriend tortured Eddie for years while she sat back and let it happen, shaking her pom-poms and turning her cheek to the excruciating bullying he endured. It made absolutely no sense to you, yet, still upset you beyond belief.

There was no denying that Chrissy was a pretty girl, that much you could see. She had her whole life ahead of her, with high ambitions, which reminded you of Eddie. He wanted to escape this town, though. Tour around the country, and even the world, with his band, Corroded Coffin. Yet you pictured Chrissy staying back, playing housewife while she took care of her gaggle of children you just knew she’d end up having. The picture perfect suburban family was in the cards for her. It was for everyone who peaked in high school in the state of Indiana.

You’re pulled from your pity party with the sound of the bathroom door opening, turning away sniffling as you wipe away the few tears you allowed to fall from you wet cheeks. The sound of water running fills your ears, turning your head slightly as the curiosity of who it could be eats away at you. Rolling your eyes, you sigh as you see none other than Chrissy standing in front of the sink you were at, fixing her hair before looking over your way.

“Are you okay?” She asks, taking a timid step towards you. You step back, chuckling to yourself at the audacity she had.

“Obviously not,” you curtly reply, flashing her a deadpan look.

“Okay, look. I just wanted to say I’m really sorry about…everything. I just hope there aren’t any hard feelings between us,” she reveals, her high pitched voice sounding like nails on a chalkboard to you. You visibly scoff, jaw hanging open in shock. To think she had the audacity before.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” You question, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

She nods, looking to her feet for a moment. “Yeah, I am. You just, seem really nice, and I’d hate for things to be rocky between-“

“Yeah, well, I don’t think I want to be on good terms with the girl that stole my boyfriend right out from under my feet,” you cut her off, stalking closer to her. You can see by how her eyes widen that she’s genuinely scared, trembling a little with the more space you close between you. You know you won’t hurt her, but you can’t deny the pride it brings you to see her like this, all things considered. “Don’t try and be my friend, Chrissy. It’s the last thing I want. Do you know how painful it is to watch the two of you walking about together, as if Eddie didn’t rip my fucking heart out and stomp on it in front of me? Do you really expect me want to try and be on good terms with you when I don’t have an ounce of love or a friendly bone left in my body?”

“I-I,” she stutters.

“Stay the fuck away from me, Chrissy. I mean it.”

Sliding past her, you rip open the bathroom door and make your way down the hall, anger now being the most persistent emotion radiating off and throughout your body. Interrupting you in your time of weakness was one thing, but wanting to try and be civil after everything that has gone down? She might be more delusional than you previously thought. 

Just as you’re about to walk through the doors of the library, the bell springs to life, alerting the students that the lunch period has drawn to an end and they all need to report to their next class of the day. With a sigh, you turn on your heel and make your way over to your locker. You had a feeling the rest of the school day wasn’t going to treat you as well as you’d like.

—————————————————————————————————————

Eddie was livid.

Chrissy spilled the beans about your encounter in the bathroom, bending the truth a little to seem more like a victim as she ran to her boyfriend for help. This upset Eddie beyond belief, seeing how terrified his new girlfriend was thanks to his ex. He wasn’t sure why she had to take her feelings out on Chrissy, but he was going to set things straight.

Kissing Chrissy goodbye, he stomps towards the drama room, throwing the doors open and making a dramatic entrance, which wasn’t uncommon for the metalhead. The entire group looks up, stopping all conversations before greeting their Dungeon Master. He walks over to his throne, noticing that the chair Y/N usually found herself sitting in during meetings was empty for the third consecutive week. Scoffing, he shakes his head.

“Guess she’s sent her message loud a clear,” Eddie says aloud, nodding over to the empty shirt.

“I mean, can you really blame her?” Dustin mumbles out, making Eddie’s head whip around so fast it’s surprising he doesn’t have whiplash.

“Something you want to share with the group, Henderson?” Eddie questions, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he quirks a brow at the young freshman. Dustin visibly swallows, beads up sweat gathering on his forehead under his hat as he tries to think of how to brooch the subject without offending his friend.

“It’s just-I see how she is sometimes at school. She looks sad all the time, and being around her ex who already moved on wouldn’t help things,” he tells him. Eddie nods, anger still radiating of his body. “Not to mention, you guys are always on each other at school.”

“So that gives Y/N the right to be mean to my girlfriend, Henderson? Because she’s all sad and jealous?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying I understand why she isn’t hanging around anymore. I think we all understand and maybe…sympathize with her.”

Eddie takes a moment, looking around the room to the other members of his beloved club. Nodding heads meet his gaze, watching even the members of his band agree with the freshman boy. Eddie huffs, fuel added to the already existing fire.

“Well, if you all feel this way, maybe we should cut this meeting short and come back after a little time away,” Eddie announces over-dramatically.

“C’mon man, don’t be like that,” Gareth pipes up. 

“No, I will. I’m going to go over to Y/N’s house and give her a piece of my mind. Just because she didn’t get her way, doesn’t mean she needs to take it out on Chrissy. She’s very important to me and I need her to get that through her thick skull,” Eddie explains.

“Don’t you think you’re being too harsh on Y/N? I mean, you were the one to break things off. How would you feel if the roles were reversed, huh? If she was the one who began dating again, right after she broke up with you?” Gareth questions, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Shitty, yes. But I wouldn’t take my shit out on other people, much less whoever she decides to date after me,” Eddie answers, tossing papers into his backpack. He’s glad the game didn’t start yet, not having much to clean up as he slings his bag over his shoulder. Gripping his lunchbox, he made a quick exit from the drama room, rushing towards his van.

“Sure as hell doesn’t seem like it,” Gareth mutters out, letting out a sigh and shaking his head.

The drive over to your house was quicker than anticipated, Eddie’s foot heavy on the gas pedal as he ran over a quick script of what he wanted to say to you. He wanted to make sure he was being clear tonight, addressing your behavior towards his new girlfriend and bringing up the topic of maturity. You were both seniors, so it's time you started acting like one, he thought.

Pulling in your driveway, he makes a hasty exit of his van, slamming the door shut and running up your driveway. Knocking on the door persistently, he steps back and waits, swinging his weight from the heels of his feet to his tip toes, chest still bubbling with rage. He’s shocked to be greeted by your mother as she begins opening the door, a wide smile stretching onto her face.

“Eddie! What a lovely surprise! We’ve missed you over the last couple weeks, we almost thought something happened between you and Y/N,” She greets, pulling him in for a hug.

You never told her.

You never told you parents that Eddie broke up with you. It wasn’t something that Eddie considered when everything went down, not bothering to worry about the timeline of anything really. Yet it still comes as a shock to him that you haven’t broken the news to them, making him wonder how many other people in your life were unaware. Word travels fast around Hawkins, and having their daughter dating the town freak was always subject to the gossip mill.

Some sick and twisted part of his brain wanted to break the news on your behalf, letting your mother know and making her aware of the situation. But he also did still have some kind of heart, even if you didn’t particularly think so ever since the breakup. He flashes her a smile, looking to his shoes for a moment as he thinks of what to say for a moment.

“Yeah, sorry. Just been pretty busy these last few weeks. But, um, Y/N didn’t come to Hellfire today, so I was just wondering if I could see her? See if she’s okay and all?” He asks, putting on his best performance for the woman in front of him.

“Oh that’s right! It is Friday, isn’t it? Well, she seemed fine before asking to take the car. I just assumed she was on her way to hang out with you at your little club meeting,” she replies sweetly.

“So she’s not here?” Eddie asks, digging his hands into his pocket. Your mother shakes her head no, which prompts Eddie to nod. 

“I’m afraid not. But she should be here around the afternoon tomorrow. Her father and I leave for a trip in the morning and she tends to stay put when she’s at the house alone,” she explains.

Bidding her a farewell, Eddie rushes back to his van and sits in the drivers seat, pondering to himself. Robin was at the basketball game Chrissy was currently cheering at, which meant Steve was closing Family Video tonight, so you couldn’t have been with either of them. You only went to Benny’s on Sundays, so that’s also out of the question. So where the hell could you be on a Friday night? Had things changed so much that you got into the habit of picking up a new hobby or activity within the last three weeks? Surely not, but it isn’t like he would know. 

Turning the engine on, he pulls out of your driveway, turning back towards the school to go get Chrissy. Maybe he’d have a better chance trying to talk with you tomorrow.

—————————————————————————————————————

Shutting the car door, you walk along the path until you’re planted right in front of the door you need to be at. The sound of small waves splashing about in Lover’s Lake comforts you slightly, shaking out your nerves and rapping your knuckles against the door. You weren’t even sure if he was here, but it was worth a shot. Worst case scenario is that nothing happens, and you turn around and leave, simple as that. The door opens to find just who you’re looking for, a brief small making its way onto your face as you give a timid wave.

“Y/N! How are you? Definitely wasn’t expecting your pretty self to turn up here. Especially on a Friday night,” Rick Lipton, better known as Reefer Rick, tells you.

“Hey Rick, how are you? Glad to see you’re out of jail,” you tease, chuckling a little under your breath. He lets out a hearty laugh, clutching his stomach.

“Hey, I am too,” he says. He takes a moment, furrowing his brows. Stepping closer towards you, he looks around the area for a moment before looking back at you. “Where’s Eddie? That man never lets you come here without him being here to keep guard.”

“Uh…Eddie and I actually broke up a couple weeks ago. Which is why I’m here.”

“Oh really? I'm sorry to hear that. What’s up?”

“Do you have any edibles? Usually I’d go to Eddie for this kind of stuff, but you see why I can’t.”

“Yeah! Come on in, make yourself comfortable. ’S not like you haven’t been here before.”

Walking through the door, you slide yourself onto one of the couches in the living room, trying your best to relax. Rick was right, you’ve never been here without Eddie right there by your side the entire time, as if protecting you from the older man. He was nearly 30, so it wasn’t like he was alarmingly older than you, but Eddie still kept an arm around you at all times in the presence of Rick, and making sure if he did leave your side, it wasn’t for too long.

It doesn’t take long for Rick to return into the living room, holding up a small baggie with six small gummies inside. He slides next to you on the couch, leaving a small gap between your bodies as he turns to look at you.

“What’s the price?” You ask.

“How about we say $20? Give you a sympathy discount since you and my boy Eddie broke it off,” he answers, sending you a smile. Nodding, you reach for your wallet and pull out a twenty, handing it over to him just as he places the baggie in your hand.

“Thank you Rick, really. Do you mind if I stay a bit and do this here? Parents don’t leave for vacation tomorrow and I just…really need this after the day I’ve had,” you ask. 

“Yeah, go for it, I’ll do some too,” he tells you. Nodding again, you open the small bag and take one of the gummies between your index finger and thumb, rolling it around for a second before popping it into your mouth. “So how bad was your day for you to need to give little ol’ me a visit?”

Sighing, you slump backwards and let your body relax into the couch cushions, softening your shoulders and plant yourself in place. “Just some shit went down between me and Eddie’s new girl. She was trying to be all cute and friendly with me after practically stealing my boyfriend right from under my feet, so I set her straight.”

“He dump you for this girl?”

“Yep. Fuckin’ asshole,” you reply. 

The two of you sit there for a moment without speaking to one another, the soft whirring of the box fan by the door being the only sound filling the room. Your arms begin to relax more, a tickling sensation slowly traveling up your spine and beginning to nest in your head. After a few more minutes of neither of you exchanging any words, you feel the high settle in firmly, a small smile creeping on your face as you begin shaking your head.

“I hate him.”

“What?” Rick asks, turning to you with a low chuckle.

“Eddie. I fucking hate him for what he did to me. Breaking my heart and walking over top of it every time he walks through the front doors of our school with his new piece on his side. I could fuckin’ kill him,” you let out, laughing to yourself. “But the sad part is…I still love him. More than he could ever love me it seems.”

“It sounds like you need to get back at him,” Rick suggests, twirling around the bag from his pocket and opening it up once again. You turn to him, lifting your brow slightly as you watch him pop another edible in his mouth.

“And how do you suggest I do that?” You question.

“Oh I have an idea,” he lets out, turning to you. You notice a small smirk on his face, his glossy squinted eyes looking at you deeply. “But first I have to ask: you’re 18, right?”

“Yeah, just turned 18 not too long ago.”

“Even better. Okay, so here’s what I’m thinking-“

[jev-urisk]

OOPS, I dropped my laptop and Kazimier X Reader smut fell out! 😮 🌶 

Fang Kink | Monster X Human | World of 🌐7 Circles🌐

I sure hope the two people who voted for this on my poll don't find it~

And I don't know what I would do if @monstersflashlight knew they inspired me to post my smut directly on Tumblrrr....~

Notice: 18+ interacts only. Explicit sex, Ungendered reader insert, alcohol consumption, references to blood, author unable to resist worldbuilding

[Part 1/2]

You’ve been keeping a secret for a couple months now.

As a human, you’re not allowed into the monster empire, you’re supposed to live your measly life outside its borders in the Outlands. If you ever were to venture into the dark claws of Du’Preve, the closest monster district to your human settlement, you would be executed or worse if they discovered you weren’t one of them.

So you’ve taken extra care not to be discovered.

You could never pass as a vampire, with their red eyes and sharp teeth- nevermind a gorgon or gargoyle. But Liches… those looked just like humans until they put too many magic runes on themselves. A little black paint, and some inspiration from a Lich warning poster in your area, and viola, TOTALLY not a human.

Thus far, you’ve hopped the border just to look around for a little while. Du’Preve has some kind of strange curse over it that dims the sun, even at high noon it seems like late evening. You LOVED it. Something about it made you feel alive- you always did have more energy at night and it was a wonder to experience it at 2pm.

You would walk the dirty streets, trying not to stare as you passed people with hissing hair, barking owners of strange market stands, and old rune-riddled liches mumbling incoherently in the gutters.

You also tried very hard not to squint, to act like you weren’t used to the perpetual darkness. You’d overheard monsters spit that word onto the pavement, ‘Squints.’ ‘Damn Squints,’ ‘Filch-beggin’ no good fuckin’ Squints.’

It has the same other-ness that ‘Fang-Banger’ has back home, a term that’s spat at anyone who gets cozy with a monster, even when it’s not the person’s fault.

You might get called that just for visiting Du’Preve, honestly.

But no one back home knows about your adventures, just as no monster knows what you really are. It’s been working so well that on today’s trip into darkness, you decide to do something a little different.

Du’Preve was known to host all kinds of escapism- drugs, whores, alcohol, you name it. But the most interesting to you were the parties and the clubs that hosted them. Last time you were here you overheard talk of one club in particular, The Club Lascivia, where patrons are generally safe from gang involvement and getting drinks spiked by malicious strangers.

You had gone through what few Du’Preve-looking outfits you had, needing something to wear to a club- eventually settling for something skimpier than you’d usually wear in your excitement to dance the night- or the day, away. You slip through your settlement in an old cloak which you leave at the border, soon arriving at your destination- by all appearances just another monster looking to party.

The scene was electric, with colored lights and dirty music that hummed beneath your skin. You moved between the dance floor, enjoying yourself with your heart racing at how close you were to the monstrous patrons, and simply watching the crowd from the safety of a booth, seeing for the first time how human these monsters really were.

In the booth next to you were two gargoyles, their stone-colored wings slightly unfolded to give a sense of privacy as they gossiped about a third gargoyle between flustered giggles.

You see a male gorgon leaning too close to a disinterested woman at the bar and after a few heated words she throws her drink in his face, causing his snakes to curl back with a hiss.

On the dancefloor you watch a little lich flirting with a stunning vampire, dancing so close, rubbing against one another. The vampire brushes closed lips against the lich’s throat in a dangerous tease and you shiver unexpectedly, drawn to the tantalizing threat.

Hot.

Wait- ‘hot’? What are you thinking?! Are you.. a fang-banger? No but you haven’t-

Before you can really parse out your thoughts, you notice a man approaching your booth with a couple of drinks.

He’s in a leather jacket that he hasn’t bothered to zip up over his fishnet shirt, allowing you to see the shape of his hips and the toned ‘v’ of his pelvis peaking up over a studded belt and artfully ripped jeans.

He stops a pace or so away from you, looking at you through tinted glasses as the lights of the club backlight his mane of curly black hair. Something about the way he looks at you makes you flush. He smiles, as if he knows what you’re feeling, and you see fangs glinting in his smirk.

“Mind if I join ya?" He asks in this brassy yet silken voice.

“Yes.” you find yourself saying, “-You can join me, that is.”

“ ‘Preciate it.” he says, and as he sits a strange thrill buzzes through your skull. “Here, for your hospitality.”

He sets a tall drink garnished with a twist of orange in front of you and your voice of reason momentarily returns. Was this safe to drink? You didn’t see the drink made, so it’s possible this was a sexy trap to lure you into a surprise kidney removal or something, right? You rotate the glass, as if somehow that would help you tell if it was spiked.

As you’re grappling with how to politely refuse the cocktail, his hand and its many rings brushes against yours and he plucks your glass off the table to take a deep drink, smiling as he catches the look on your face.

He sets it back in front of you with about a third less liquid in it and leans back, his arms draping across the top of the plush seating. “You’re smart not to trust a stranger, but I don’t get my kicks at this club from unwilling participants.” he teases, not unkind, but with a hint of what those kicks may be, “Go on then.” he urges, looking at you, not the drink. “If you want it.. It’s here for you.”

You had never been propositioned quite like this. His air was pushy, dominant, forceful even. But in his words and relaxed posture he invited you to walk away. What if you did? He might chuckle as you excuse yourself with a scarlet blush.. but you don’t think he’d follow.

What if you didn’t?

In a streak of boldness you look him in the eye and pick up your drink, draining it entirely as you stare him down. You were a human with enough gall to sneak into monster territory, after all.

“Moxie.” he praises with a quirk of his brow. It crosses your mind that you’re impressing a monster with your bravery and you feel tipsy off that alone. He licks one of his fangs and you can’t take your eyes off him. You think to the vampire on the dance floor and wonder what it feels like to have those sharp teeth on your skin.. on your lips..

“Now that you're done with your drink, you wanna taste of somethin’ else?” He asks, and you blush at his ability to seemingly read your thoughts.

What.. What should you say? Obviously you were getting hot and bothered here but to do anything physical with a person from Du'Preve, to willingly walk into his grasp, that was a much much bigger taboo than taking yourself on a little adventure across the border now and again.

You feel a light touch on your wrist, the man has moved in the semicircular booth to sit beside you. “Hey now..” the man soothes, his fingers barely resting on your skin. “You can be nervous, moxie, or anythin’ between. If we do somethin’ I just need you to want it.”

Your voice comes out as a whisper, anxious and daring all at once. “I want it.”

[PART 2]

7C taglist:

@gioiaalbanoart @biblicallyaccuratefruitbat @katenewmanwrites @pencilpusher1000 @lychhiker-writes @autism-purgatory @wyked-ao3 @cowboybrunch @zackprincebooks @smellyrottentrees @fortunatetragedy @aalinaaaaaa @the-golden-comet @urbiggestfan-01 @quillswriting @nbkuhn @ddgraywrites (hmu to be =/- to the list)

[g-xix]

favourite sidemen videos?

AGHHH I LOVE ASKS LIKE THIS!! Ty for asking this :)

In order of oldest to newest...

Sidemen Fear Pong - Featuring Harrry's doggo Herb and the iconic "DRIVERS OF LONDON!"

Sidemen Yoga - Featuring "PHIL!", prime sexiness JJ and zesty Harry... This video gave me sm ideas of making smutshots for Phil (but i thought nobody rly wants to see hardcore Phil smut and decided against 💀💀)

The Sidemen Show Ep4 - Haunted House - Literally just a Sam and Colby vid filmed by British idiots also featuring my fave JME

Hide and Seek at Wireless - Genuinely SO GOOD, like, Wroetostar combo goes SO HARD, Hide and Seeks were at their peak when they filmed this, they had sm energy and clearly were enjoying this shit so much... Plus all their charity match hairstyles are such a throwback to see

Sidemen Bowling - So goofy, loved this era where they were all just enjoying making budget ass content together which they somehow always found a way to violate

Sidemen Olympics - Tbh i just loved comparing my sporting ability to them + knowing i can throw a discus farther than all of these mf's and their highest scores

Christmas Football Challenges - Pervy Santa!JJ will also never be topped

Try not to Laugh: w Jack Whitehall / Shocking edition / Bad jokes edition

One word Interview - Shoutout Simon, one of the best YouTube series imo... He's got way more on his channel w each member + these answers are j so iconic

James Charles Makeup Challenge - featuring Click house, KSImon, and Harry's gay panic era

£10,000 vs £10: first holiday / roadtrip / Europe holiday / song

Sidemen Go Back to School - Literally the video that first introduced me to them. Absolutely iconic. Featuring Phil, Stephen Tries and Babatunde, this and the Sidemen Bake Off are their 2 vids that go hand in hand for most iconic atl imo

Worst Outfit Wins - not the exact title but summarises it better. Didn't like this thumbnail initially and put off watching it for a looong time but honestly it's too jokes to skip

Sidemen Become Parents - Literally the way that they descend to chaos and slowly become worse and worse parents is something special that everyone needs to see, full fuckin stop.

24 Hours Handcuffed - trust me.

Make a Christmas Song - Love these songs sm, literally have them on my acc Xmas playlist

Sidemen Dragon's Den - Featuring Niko, Max Fosh (Bosh), BambinoBecky, Chi With A C, Cal² and more

Hot Wings Challenge - Lol, love seeing their pain in this + JJ's Reddit absolutely peaked when this video came out

Sidemen Pub Golf + Europe edition- Just iconic, first post!lockdown pint with the boys where absolutely everyone got involved... and it ended badly for everyone except Harry and Ethan. Europe edition features Harry's birthday and just a lot more chaos i suppose.

Sidemen Gogglebox - Harry and Ethan are fresh off of a night out and cba, KSImon is released once more, and Josh, Vik and Tobi are just fulfilling their duty of watching the programs 🤷‍♀️ Thrilling post!lockdown entertainment imo

Sidemen Silent Library (1) and (2) - super new n unconventionial concept which was just really enjoyable to watch

The Cube - They're missing half the Sidemen but have Big Randy and Stephen Tries instead. They just get drunk to cope with the depression and it turns out for a pretty good vid.

Sidemen Hole in The Wall - solely for Waterman tbh

Forfeit Blind Dates - Ethan's pervy clown character, Deji's sheer energy (litr made me girl-crush on him) and that leng last lady, whole vid was a rare Sidemen banger

Japanese Gameshow - Loved the style with JJ as the host tbh he really fit it, and ofc the Deji feature was an added bonus

Weirdest Hotels - Featuring the Chrismd on a team w Harry n Vik, this rly was an absolute banger honestly

Mystery Box Challenge - idk something j felt very authentic excitement and interest about this vid

Sidemen Become Farmers - brought out the most wholesome and sexy side of the Sidemen all around

SMALLEST VS BIGGEST CAR - Hands down SUCH a banger, the chemistry between all these TERRIFIED mfs and the surprise guest (ᴉɾǝp upside down) ik the sidemen often feel overproduced, but this felt like such a genuine shiggles vid. Oh, and that kiss between Ethan and mystery guest was err... yeah.

Lol that took an hour of my life.

Anyways, if you're ever bored and wanna binge the unanimously decided best vids of the sidemen- I've collated these vids (and a few more) into a YouTube PLAYLIST which u can add to your libraries n watch whenever - or just check out to see whether you've watched all of these or missed any

anyways, hope you've enjoyed that bc that was LONG

And those are j main channel SDMN vids, but there's sooo many good vids on the moresdmn channel on top of these... MoreSidemen has sm mf hidden gems man, one day you'll see 🙏🙏

[shutit-haha]

Rocker Bakugo pt.2

Rocker Bakugo who writes a song about you. He's angsty and pissed, rather than to admit he's in his feels he just composes this whole piece about not needing you. Low-key it's a fuckin banger.

Rocker Bakugo who keeps you as his manager. You're good at your job, he was lying about people being better than you. No one is better than you. You're the best at everything. Your great with contracts, and his temper, great at loving him, and pushing him to do better.

Rocker Bakugo who says it's only until he can find a replacement but he misses having you around. The apartment's so fucking empty and after about a week he gets fed up with only seeing you for work stuff. So he demands for you to stop by the studio, to watch and listen. (Like you used too.) You know he only misses you, but you'd be damned if you let him off easy.

Rocker Bakugo who plays the song in front of you. He's smug about it too, like he didn't practically plead for you to watch him. (Again.) You're pissed, because what an ass! So of course you make him play it again, and again, and again. After about the third time you let the rest of the band leave but not Bakugo, he has to stay.

Rocker Bakugo who's grumbling and playing shitty now because he's pissed. He's growling and playing harder than he need too. If he keeps this up he might just break something or drain himself entirely. You're a jerk though, you keep poking him and poking him.

"Do you know what you're doing?" You're being condescending. You speak to him as of he were some incompetent child, stare doing little to help negate that idea.

Rocker Bakugo who feels like one. He can see his Mother's gaze right after five year old him has thrown a fit. He sees it in you and it irks him. "Of course I know what the hell I'm doing, I made the damn thing!"

"Let me see the sheet," you're in front of him now. You're standing centered in front of his drum set hand out stretched for the sheet music. Now he really does feel like a little boy. And isn't that what he is? A huffy child who misses his mommy.

"I've got it," he snarls at you, snapping slightly.

You snatch the sheet anyways returning to your spot on the wall. "Play."

"Ain't shit to read."

"You don't got it memorized," you cock a brow. "Play."

"I will dammit!"

Rocker Bakugo who fucks it up. "Do it again." You command him knowing that the poor boy is tired.

"I can't," he mumbles.

"What?"

"I said I can't!" His chest is rising and falling way too quickly, his hair covers his face as to prevent you from seeing his eyes. His arms sag from how sore they are, and there's a slight shake too him. "I'm fuckin' tired, can't keep doing this shit."

"Then I need a new cash cow."

His head snaps forward, eyes meeting yours with a nasty glare. "You know damn well I can't play when you take away the sheet music."

You took a step forward, "you made the damn thing. Figured with how proud and confident you were in it, it'd be hard to forget."

"You're being a b-" He sucks air in through his teeth, slamming down his sticks and tilting his head back so he can breathe.

"Oh but you can turn me into a song? I don't want to be some jingle for a monster energy can Bakugo." You're halfway to him, only a couple steps left. "Do it again."

"I can't."

"Again Bakugo."

"I'm fuckin' tired."

Rocker Bakugo who knows you're still mad at him. He doesn't know how to make it up to you, he doesn't even know how to start.

Rocker Bakugo who tries anyways. He picks up the sticks and starts playing your favorite song. Your gaze softens, it isn't enough but it works for now. The both of you are so tired, you hate sleeping alone and that scene just keeps playing in his head.

His voice is hoarse and dry so when he sings its awful, but it makes you laugh. You're humming with him, just content to be in the same space without all that tension. "I know you're not out to get me, I trust you. Sometimes being at the top-"

"Means you forget to be grounded," the two of you speak in unison.

"Works the other way too," you start. "When you're always looking up, you forget there's trouble even in the stars. Constellations tell stories of heartbreak and death, and all I can think of is-"

"Walking on the clouds," he finishes for you. There's a smug little smirk on his face, pleased that he can still remember that line of yours.

"You gonna behave drummer boy?" Your hand cups his cheek, "gonna keep playing the beat to my heart."

He kisses your palm, and sets the sticks down. "Read over the thingy, was a lot better than I originally thought it was."

"I don't know who told you it wasn't."

"Kaminari had overheard something from the other negotiation team and made a dumbass assumption."

"And you believed it?"

"Was blindsided, sweetheart."

"You owe me."

"I know," he grabs at your waist. "Just come home," his other hand covers the one you have on his cheek.

Rocker Bakugo who has to have make-up sex with you. It's part of your dynamic. When the two of you were in high school you used argue over the smallest of things just so that you could bang afterward. As you guys went to college it became a little more difficult, having to learn that sex didn't make up for communication. Though the two of you struggle with words, you've definitely gotten better. And well any progress is progress.

Rocker Bakugo who some how ends up underneath you. When you said he owed you he didn't expect edging to be the price. Yet here he was in a dopey cow headband, with leather cuffs on each wrist as you edge him till he breaks.

Rocker Bakugo who's too lost in his orgasm to notice you taking a picture. It's deserved though, you'll just count it as part of the punishment.

[teenagemutantninjatrauma]

So recently I was rewatching a few random Fast Forward episodes again (as one does when one is writing a massive AU about something) and BOY DO I NEED TO SHARE A THEORY

So like... Torbin Zixx, right.

This guy:

He gets introduced to us in the FF Bishop episode, of all times, as a mysterious vigilante who has avoided not only being captured but also getting caught clearly on any security footage anywhere! How strange! Anyways, Bishop introduces themselves to the turtles, Raph tries to attack his hologram, and the gang agrees to help Bishop catch this guy. Banger!

And then! We get to this shot.

Now, I don't know if this is a noticeable detail to anybody who like, has a life and isn't obsessed with this cartoon, BUT - boy does this face look familiar. The nose specifically is preeetty prominent.

YEAH I bet none of you were thinking THIS when watching that season (probably a good sign that you have better things to do), BUT I THINK.

ZIXX IS A BISHOP CLONE.

Consider the evidence - because there IS evidence, actually!

First of all, they get to stand back to back in the opening even though they both show up like twice? Three times? For mostly unrelated adventures? Why do they get to stand back to back instead of like, Zyxx getting a spot in the villain lineup that is also in the opening? He is ostensibly occasionally doing good but he’s mostly a trickster able to outsmart the turtles and get away - a trait Bishop has exhibited even when he almost fuckin died in Bishop's Gambit, by the way - so it feels meaningful to set him up here, back to back with Bishop of all people.

Second, they get introduced in the same episode, Bishop to Knight. I know we all rag on this season and the following season for not reaching the previous five seasons' standard, but I believe while Back To The Sewer was genuinely badly written, Fast Forward's issue was only that it wasn't given enough time to elaborate on all the things it set up - it is still written well. Things happen with intentions behind them, we are given as much closure as the show could manage, and so it feels like introducing two characters in the same episode has meaning. Combined with the shot from the opening, it really does feel to me like a point is being made here to compare the two.

Third, there is the parallel of both of them tricking Raph with their holograms - unintentionally and intentionally. It makes sense for Bishop, or someone made to think just like Bishop, to use new modern technology like this, because he's a resourceful bastard!

Look at him flinging himself at people he doesn't like. Me too, man.

"He and Bishop don't look alike!" - Well, not anymore they don't. But look at how Bishop used to look during the first five seasons, during his EPF era, and compare that to Zixx, and then compare Zixx to PGA era Bishop:

The nose, the face shape, the dual communicators? PGA era Bishop does look different and this could be attributed to either change of artstyle or the implication that his clone bodies have evolved and changed over the last century, but Zixx is a piece of who he used to be and has had to evolve differently, and thus looks the part.

(Additionally, we have already seen Bishop make clones of himself that didn't look exactly like his then-current body, when he made the Slayer army in Bishop's Gambit.)

This, by the way, would explain why there is no digital track of Zixx's face anywhere. Because hey, let's be real here - the opening of the episode is dedicated to how much information Bishop personally looks through.

If Zixx was indeed running around wearing Bishop's face, he'd want him gone, but Zixx, being a Bishop clone, would be smart enough not to get caught! Thus, the next best thing would be to get rid of any proof of similarity between them, hence these being the only picture Donnie, a de facto civillian, could find.

(Ironically, this could very well have lead to Zixx becoming the infamous enigma he is said to be in this world.)

They also fight alike, relying on acrobatics and on being able to push and pull their opponents around as needed. I am unfortunately too tired to get good screenshots/clips of this.

"But Zixx doesn't look human!"/"But Zixx has a different voice than Bishop!"/"But Zixx has green eyes!" - He's a vigilante in a scifi space show and has the face and voice of the most well known guy in all of space, is it truly a stretch to assume he might've gotten body modifications? We've already got one guy grafting alien DNA onto himself to survive and it's none other than Dr Baxter Stockman, notably another piece of Bishop's past that's come back to haunt him. Why not two?

You know this would also be in line with what I am now calling the Seeing Double Theme - Dark Turtles and a new Turtle Titan are in this story, confrontations of the future and the past self in some way, shape or form are a running theme of Fast Forward, so why wouldn’t there be a Bishop clone running around

No clue how or why Zixx would ditch the whole "protect all of Earth" mentality, but when Bishop reforms himself and swings into the extreme of establishing intergalactic peace to a point where he can't even be partial towards Earth anymore, does it not make sense narratively for his foil to swing the other way, become a typical "only looking out for myself" type of guy?

"It could also be said that maybe Zixx shows off traits that Bishop usually obfiscates, with the self-serving nature being a good example. We know all of Bishop's grand goals are really just covering for the fact that he's scared and wants to protect himself, right? If you look at the core of everything he does, it's to benefit himself. Zixx forgoes making up any justifications and says it like it is: he only cares about himself and what others can do for him." - additional comment, courtesy of THE Bishop Guy™, @violetvulpini, who's the reason I'm going this insane rn in the first place.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that Torbin Zixx is a Bishop clone gone rogue, similar in origin to the Slayer aka Rat King. He is Bishop shaped, he gets to stand next to Bishop in the opening like they're anime foils to each other, and it is SO interesting to explore.

This has been Trauma, and you've been Zixxed ✌️💜

BONUS: Headcanon territory!

Zixx's purpose was to be a "back-up" clone. Bishop has been recording his findings and work since at least the EPF era when we meet him, so maybe these recordings are then uploaded somewhere so that in case he dies and can't make the body transfer, a new clone is awoken and informed of his purpose. For some reason this system has at some point malfunctioned and awoken Zixx despite Bishop surviving - possibly during the collapse of the lab he and Stockman used to work in, or during the space war that gets vaguely mentioned at one point.

"clone six" or "version six" somehow becomes "Torbin Zixx"?

How did Zixx become a vigilante? Well, we know Bishop doesn't have human blood. Presumably the blue goop that we see him bleed at the end of Bishop's Gambit is something synthesized specifically for his body, so I imagine it would be VERY hard to come by. This, I think, would very easily lead to a life of crime he has more than the ideal set of skills for.

Bishop probably wants him obliterated but can't reasonably dedicate resources to catching or killing who he KNOWS is gonna be the ultimate most hard-to-kill guy in the known universe.

He steals Bishop's fancy car specifically just to piss him off <3

[lennjamin-o7]

Ugh it took ages to find a spare moment to read but I'm here to yammer as per usual!! I spent like 30 mins debating whether this should be a comment or an ask I've thought way too hard about it for way too long.

I'm shaking you by the shoulders the entire chap is sooo good man. I love how Technos powers keep tuning into the deaths happening around him.

I will say that Techno is a fuckin compartmentalizing champion, this boy is packing away so much trauma that Phil will Totally not weaponize against heroes.

By absolute fav section is, of course, the emduo crumbs. I absolutely love the bit where Phil realises that Techno doesn't have to just be a little sidekick… he can be a sonboy too.

Even if you look at it from the more callous point of view where he's using Techs abandonment issues as a way to get closer to him Phil's literally just signing himself up to get way too attached and adopt him either way.

Also I know we don't see really anything except glimpses of Wilbur but I like to think that Phils like literally never mentioned Tech to him before. That way when he inevitably drags Tech to meet him like "meet your new brother! :D" Wil is just completely blindsided. Its unlikely but its silly so I'm choosing to believe it.

Oh and that meeting is gonna end so badly. Just horribly. Currently putting my bets on Techno maybe getting really overwhelmed and lashing out with his powers so Phil can weaponize that further against him.

How I think it'd go down is way more messy and convoluted than what would really fit in this or whatever since its already long enough but that's how I think the adoption is gonna play out.

Anyway I've rambled long enough!! Absolutely banger chapter as usual, well worth the wait!!

Comment or ask, I am ALWAYS happy to hear your thoughts asdfghjlk and I have been munching on this ask for weeks. Just chewing on it like a cow to get every ounce of flavor out of it.

The boy has blood on his hands and that just makes him more sonboi shaped for a very greedy crow.

Techno is fiiiiiinee. Completely fiiinnnneee. There is no trauma on ba sing se. He can just think around it. He is a-okay for surre. There is nothing to manipulate. Nope. Philza is juuuuuust going to be a comfort. Nothing more lololololololol.

Phil has mentioned Technoblade to Wilbur in this. But he has described it the same way as he would describe any of his projects. This is just a fleeting whim of The Crow and Wilbur has heard his dad monologue about enough projects to just tune him out when he is talking. He's going to be very surprised when Phil rolls up with a child. Phil is going to be like "I told you about this" while Will is like "You should've known I wasn't listening!!!!"

And whaaaat nooooo the parent teacher conference is going to go so well! Why would you think there would be anything tragic there??? Its going to be fiiiiiineeee.

Thank you for all of your rambling. It made me smile so much! 🥺🥹 I'm really happy you enjoyed it!

[daisies-daydreams]

Okay! I’ve had this on my mind for so long now because I love your writing style but I’m kinda looking for some angst? If you’re not comfortable writing for this, I completely understand.

Anyway, idea is, Hobie being the personification of Runway Baby by Bruno Mars and fem!groupie!reader learning that the hard way. Like she falls for him, hard, and he just doesn’t pick up on it? His bandmates all warn her the moment they notice the signs, but she ignores them.

As always, I love your work and you’re a wonderful human being <3

The song in question:

Runaway Baby (Hobie Brown x F!Groupie!Reader)

Pairing: Hobie Brown x F!Groupie!Reader Category: Angst/Hurt No Comfort Warnings: Unrequited Love, Heartbreak, Depictions of Weed/Liquor, Drinking, Cheater!Hobie, Depictions of Sex (auditory only), Swearing Word Count: TBA A/N: I'm not going to lie - I never heard this song until I started to work on this request (it's a banger though!). Also, thank you so much for your kind words. 🫶

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DNI

You never thought you’d be here: backstage with your icon’s lean, lanky arm slung over your shoulder. The smell of alcohol and weed lingering in the air as the bandmembers of The Mary Janes lounged around with their girl of choice.

“Oi, Bunny, you wanna sip?” Hobie suddenly drawled while holding up a nearly empty bottle of whiskey. Your eyes lit up as you nodded, your heart skipping a beat as he chuckled. You watched with enlarged pupils as Hobie took a swig from the bottle. Your expression changed as he turned towards you, his cheeks puffed out a little as he tilted his head down.

You parted your lips as you laid your hands on his bare chest, the feeling of his warm body against your touch electrifying you to the core. You closed your eyes as Hobie gently spilled the liquor into your mouth, the bitter sting washing over your tongue.

“Fuckin’ hell, Hobes,” one of his band mates grunted. You gasped as Hobie swiped his tongue along your bottom lip before he cupped your chin between his long fingers.

“Such a good girl,” he purred and wiped his thumb across your lips. Your heart raced before he slowly stood up and stretched with a grunt. “Be right back. Gotta take a piss,” the guitarist grunted.

“Thank you for that vital information,” the drummer, Pinkie, said as he rolled his eyes.

“Anytime,” Hobie said with a mocking curtsey. You giggled as the tall, rugged man waltzed out of the room. You didn’t realize you were biting your lip until the bass player cleared his throat.

“Oh, she’s got it real bad,” his groupie laughed, her eyes slightly red and speech slurred.

“What?” you blinked, your earrings jingling as you moved your head. Everyone looked at each other through the thick haze of smoke.

“C’mon, (Y/N). Don’t act all coy,” Pinkie said. You furrowed your brows as your cheeks burned.

“Ya shouldn’t go after ‘im, ya know,” the bassist, Stew, lilted from another couch nearby.

“Stew,” the pretty girl sitting in his lap sighed. Your heart sank a little.

“Why shouldn’t I go after him?” you asked as your palms suddenly grew damp. A heavy silence filled the room before Pinkie sighed.

“He moves on to the next girl in the blink of an eye,” he said while snapping his fingers. Your heart dropped.

“Trust me, sweetheart. He’ll get tired of ya in the next few days and drop ya off at God knows where,” Stew said before taking a drag on his joint. Your eyes burned as you clenched your fists.

“B-But I thought-“

“Yeah, every girl does,” Stew interrupted.

"Stew!" his groupie chastised him with a harsh glare.

"What? The girl deserves to know the truth. In fact..." his voice trailed off as his words reverberated inside your head.

Every girl does.

You found yourself on your feet, your mind in a hazy blur as your throat grew dry. All eyes were on you as you stared onward with wide eyes.

"I need to get some fresh air," you mumbled before clumsily making your way out the door. The fluorescent lights dimly lit the hallway as your heartrate spiked, your lungs burning as you took quick, shallow breaths. You steadied yourself against the dull brick wall before you heard a sudden thump. You perked your head up as the noise drew you out of your fugue. You gasped when you heard another thump, followed by a harsh slap and a high-pitched moan.

Your eyes widened as you gazed a the bathroom door nearby, the sounds of wet, rhythmic slapping making your stomach churn. Your mind screamed at you to not take a step closer, knowing exactly what was happening on the other side of that thin door...and yet you found yourself slowly inching forward. Your throat tightened when you heard Hobie speak into the unknown woman's ear.

"Didn't know my favorite girl liked it this rough," he rumbled before another slap rang out from the small room. Tear instantly fell down your cheeks as you held your hands over your mouth. You barely heard the woman moan in reply as you ran down the hall. You shook your head as you screamed at yourself.

"You should've known," a nasty voice inside your head rasped as you mindlessly rushed through the labyrinth of winding hallways. The spaces around you seemed to grow tighter as you eventually tripped over your feet. Your heart stopped as you caught yourself, your palms and kneecaps burning before you could faceplant into the pavement.

You choked out a loud, heavy sob as your fingernails scraped against the grimy floor. You couldn't stop the tears falling down your burning cheeks as you trembled incessantly.

You really held onto each and every word he said - every sentence holding a special place in your heart. All those times you stayed up late while he strummed on his guitar, the countless moments where love and passion seemed to seep between your two bodies...it became empty all too quickly.

You opened your eyes when you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. You sniffed as you slowly shifted, hissing as your scraped knees rubbed against the concrete floor. You glanced down to see your best friend calling you...someone you haven't spoken with since you hopped on that tour bus so many weeks ago. You tried to blink away several more hot tears as your phone shook in your hand. You sniffled again as you wiped at your nose before answering.

"H-Hello?" you asked. You heard your best friend pause.

"Oh my God," they breathed. Your heart clenched at their breathless words. You closed your eyes as you swallowed thickly. "(Y/N), where the hell have you been?!" your friend yelled, their voice cracking as if they were trying to hold back tears. You sniffed as you shifted in place.

"In Bristol," you replied. You heard them shuffle on the other end.

"Christ, we all thought you were dead!" they said. You flinched as you squeezed your phone.

"I-I know. I'm sorry," you apologized. You slowly blinked and tried to choke back a sob. "I...I'm sorry for never answering your texts or calls," you swallowed thickly. They sighed again before a long pause lingered between the two of you.

"It's...It's okay. I'm just glad to hear your voice again," they said. A small smile crept onto your face before another wave of anguish rolled through your chest. You gritted your teeth as you placed your other hand over your chest. "But seriously...where have you been?" they asked. You hesitantly glanced back, the bathroom door far out of sight as the tear in your heart ripped a little further. You took a deep breath as you wrapped an arm around yourself and slowly rose to your wobbling feet.

"I'll tell you all about it if you come pick me up," you stated as you tried to steady your voice. Your best friend paused again.

"When do you need me to come get you?" they asked. You fought the temptation to look back again as your throat tightened and eyes burned. You gulped and parted your lips.

"As soon as fucking possible," you replied.

----

Thank you for reading ❤️

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[todayisafridaynight]

edging to the top 100 list wont be able to finish until you make it to number one </3

yeah i got you bro DONT YOU WORRY o7

100. the little ridge on his nose

99. his moles from y3 <3

98. his moles from y7 <3

97. how round his head is during the ps3 era

96. how spikier his hair was in the original y2

95. that fuckin puffer From Y2

94. his weird grunting and moaning after he gets tied up in y2

93. how his immediate concern after gettin tied up is to get maccas

92. baby daigo's dumbass lil bow tie

91. baby daigo's dumbass lil bowlcut

90. how crusty he looks in y5

89. his lucky gun

88. how he didnt want to bring his lucky gun to the brawl with ryuji. and got arrested for firearms possession anyway

87. his reptile dress shoes as chairman <3

86. the fine lines on his chairman suit

85. his tie that sometimes looks like a brassy green but its actually supposed to be silver but the green looks better on him anyway

84. how malnourished he looks in comparison to shinada when they brawl on the roof

83. the sad lost-dog reaction he gets to kiryu in gaiden

82. his sassy I Told You So moment in gaiden

81. his goofy lil fisherman outfit

80. his leather jacket //miku_emote//

79. his stray hairs for when his slicked-back hair gets messy :))

78. his voice. enough said.

77. not enough said tho how he never raises his voice above two decibels <3

76. his dedication to the tojo even if they bully him every three seconds

75. how he chose to not open the bottle mine left for him because it wouldnt be the same without him there to share it

74. his laugh that can only be heard in cut content <3<3<3<3

73. the complicated feelings he has about his worthiness as a leader and wanting to live up to kiryus standards

72. how he managed to Not Die in the thirteensome years he was as chairman

71. his thuggish fighting style <3<3<3<3

70. the progression of his character from being whiny brat to realizing His Whining is a result of parental neglect and how he sincerely wants friends in y0 to how he grows into a man so tired of everyone around him after his dad is killed and now he wants to be shut off and left alone because he's lost hope in people as a whole in y2 to becoming a man that cares so much about the people he was forced to care for by his only real father figure who he idolizes so much and how he struggled to accept that role not just as a mantle he was competent to carry but how his anger from his previous misanthropy nearly jeopardized his succession and how he had to learn to overcome it

69. his huge penis

68. he's good with kids

67. how he's so proud to refer to kiryu as his father and respects kiryu's wishes to not go to war over him (even if kiryu self admittedly has been cringe at being a father figure to him)

66. how there's a pocket circuit trophy with his name on it

65. how he says banzai <3<3<3<3

64. how he used to be belligerent during y2 but now it takes more to get a rise out of him

63. his stubble <3<3<3

62. the little frown line in the center of his nose ridge and his eyebrows

61. his berry-banger shade lips <3

60. his grumpy little frown and perpetually stern expression

59. how his sideburns have a sort of feather-out look to them

58. the way his cheeks are round like his mom's (and how he look like his momma in general)

57. the shape of his eyebrows and how they end in a point Like That

56. the little buckle on his shoes in y2

55. overall his berries-and-cream-looking-ass outfit from y0

54. how he knows it's kiryu driving his taxi even if he's wearing sunglasses and a mask and doesnt say a word to him

53. his terrible tendency to prioritize kiryus needs over the tojo's

52. how he sent mine to okinawa to look after kiryu (bonus points for summer mine :miku_emote:)

51. how he invited mine to a date drink at the bar, laughed at his joke, asked him if he was single, and then snuck out through a bathroom window all because he thought kiryu was in danger

50. his ability to take criticism and even valuing it and not wanting people to mindlessly follow him

49. his glower in that One Frame in the rain from that pre-fight cutscene with him in y2 you know the one

48. how he got mad at ryuji after he was asked out on a takoyaki date

47. how he's touched by the fact that mine bought a share in every taxi company in kamurocho just to find him

46. how even with his hair slicked back as chairman it still looks so soft

45. daigo's goofy ass smile he gives kiryu in y3

44. god help me the small smile he gives mine moments before mine decides to kill himself

43. how daigo was more concerned about mine's safety than why exactly he was on the rooftop in the first place

42. how even though daigo was upset with mine and kanda's scheming that didn't stop daigo from not only giving away billions of yen but also taking a bullet for mine even when mine was green to the clan at the time

41. the lil 'text' updates you get from him in rggo thanking you and saying you're helping the clan be better <3

40. how daigo not only helped the schoolkids with their raffle event and deal with gangsters but also personally attended and made sure everyone was havin a good time

39. to add on to him barely yelling (sins the time when mine jumped off the roof </3</3 and when he shouts banzai <3) when he interrupts people he still doesnt yell and sounds so calm while doing it

38. his decision to '''''''disband''''''''' the tojo clan despite how hard he fought for it in kiryus name

37. how he considered the lives of the yakuza and what would happen to them, making sure they had a safety net in the security company before going through with the plan

36. how he was able to play the long game and use his decision to disband the tojo to his advantage in the first place and fuck over aoki's own plans even if it meant hiding out for twosome years

35. how he canonically gives 'i'm not mad i'm just disappointed' lectures

34. how daigo sits legs spread while kiryu sits Respectfully in the seiza position during their visit to the omi and he looks like a grumpy teenager being dragged to a parent/teacher conference

33. how daigo acknowledges his reckless behavior by the end of y2 and now wants to do better for kamurocho

32. daigo's very blink-and-you-miss-it moments where he's a snarky little shit

31. the shade of brown his eyes are and how they arent totally pitch black

30. his sassy little hand-on-hip pose he does for his poundmate summon

29. the necromancy

28. how he just looks miserable during his introduction scene at the cabaret when he's supposed to Allegedly be a party animal

27. the cute lil outfit he wore for the dead souls substory <3

26. that render of him with the shotgun and he's not even holding the handle

25. his goofy ass 'wauUUGGH' he makes when you hit him because He Never Raises His Voice so him getting hit sounds like the most unnatural thing possible

24. him having such a dramatic intro in y5 (and genuinely being one of my fave intros to a game in the franchise) only for us to find out he just wanted to help a homie out with some cash

23. him willing to go to juvie For Said Homie and the team so him and their baseball team could achieve their dreams

22. the disappointed mother energy in him having to tell shinada not to announce to the entirety of japan he's the tojo clan chairman

21. his impeccable accuracy

20. how he has no qualms with shooting or killing people

19. how he unloaded a whole clip into shindo after dude macks on his mom and only stopped shooting when kiryu told him to stop

18. daigo having the energy of an angry dog whenever ryuji's on screen and kept getting his shit rocked (bonus points for ryuji not remembering tits about him)

17. his silly little fists-on-hips pose he does when you take a selfie with him in yk2

16. how he was concerned about mine's relationship with money and wanted to get closer with him without feeling like he was only interested in mine because of his money or other material possessions

15. the fact that Apparently he still puts his puffer on from time to time as chairman

14. his awful posture in dead souls, especially in comparison to how straight he stands later on

13. how he's so upfront with kiryu about how strong of an influence he was on him

12. the goofy as hell disguise he wears in y5

11. the lil blue hospital outfit he wears in y6 <3

10. his ability to draw people together

9. how you can bash him with noodles in a NG+ file on YK2. the way he flops over.. </3

8. him and haruka being cemented as kiryus kids by both of them being kidnapped in the same game

7. how even while daigo has a calm and empathetic demeanor he doesn't object to things such as yubitsume and he doesn't strictly follow the whole honor system going on in rgg

6. how his comment on being slaves under the government in y7 can be gleaned from the fact he was practically a slave to the police in y4 and following their whim. if not that just being a hilarious progression of circumstances

5. just how cool his tattoo is and the depth of the meaning to it.... (really such big bonus points for the fact a dragon there in addition to. Everything Else about it)

4. how he just gonna stand next to majima smiling and happy at the end of y4 as if he didnt throw him to the wolves (or the pigs ig GOTTEM)

3. how five seconds after he gets out of prison in 2017 for a fire he didnt commit he has to deal with tokyos new bitch ass governor cracking down on yakuza laws and As Aforementioned navigated that situation swimmingly

2. despite him being driven places for the most part he can still drive

1. his gargantuan balls (both metaphorically and physically)