#fucked up wikipedia entry generator

[ziphos123]

Crusader Kings 3 isn’t about global conquest, it’s not about building a dynasty, it’s about creating the most fucked up little guy possible and inflicting him upon the medieval world.

[st5lker]

i'm sorry besides the white supremacy one these are all literally just funny. and i dont think the problem is the ai as much as the fact that you asked these questions in the first place ? like this isnt a dangerous deepfake this is a text generator. if you dont ask it for fucked up stuff its not going to generate fucked up stuff

[violetparakeetchuggerofkerosene]

national personifications are funny as a concept

like you have a polity, with a bunch of people in it, and you try to sum them up in an individual humanoid entity

and you see, they're depicted either as purely perfect or as a set of national stereotypes

obviously the first characterization is implausible and boring as fuck, but the thing with the second characterization is that groups cant be monolithic, and stereotypes of the same group can and often are contradictory, which would reasonably suggest that a personification of them would be similarly inconsistent and paradoxical

i think more personifications should be bizarre and messy and deranged actually

[centrally-unplanned]

Very much enjoyed Tracing Woodgrain's foray into the internet life of jilted ex-rationalist and Wikipedia editor David Gerard. It is of course "on brand" for me - the social history of the internet, as a place of communities and individual lives lived, is one of my own passion projects, and this slots neatly into that domain in more ways than one. At the object-level it is of course about one such specific community & person; but more broadly it is an entry into the "death of the internet-as-alternate-reality" genre; the 1990's & 2000's internet as a place separate from and perhaps superior to the analog world, that died away in the face of the internet's normalization and the cruel hand of the real.

Here that broad story is made specific; early Wikipedia very much was "better than the real", the ethos of the early rationalist community did seem to a lot of people like "Yeah, this is a new way of thinking! We are gonna become better people this way!" - and it wasn't total bullshit, logical fallacies are real enough. And the decline is equally specific: the Rationalist project was never going to Escape Politics because it was composed of human beings, Wikipedia was low-hanging fruit that became a job of grubby maintenance, the suicide of hackivist Aaron Swartz was a wake-up call that the internet was not, in any way, exempt from the reach of the powers-that-be. TW's allusion to Gamergate was particularly amusing for me, as while it wasn't prominent in Gerard's life it was truly the death knell for the illusion of the internet as a unified culture.

But anyway, the meat of the essay is also just extremely amusing; someone spending over a decade on a hate crusade using rules-lawyering spoiling tactics for the most petty stakes (unflattering wikipedia articles & other press). The internet is built by weirdos, and that is going to be a mixed bag! It is beautiful to see someone's soul laid bare like this.

It can be tempting to get involved in the object-level topics - how important was Lesswrong in the growth of Neoreaction, one of the topics of Gerard's fixations? It was certainly, obviously not born there, never had any numbers on the site, and soon left it to grow elsewhere. But on the flip side, for a few crucial years Lesswrong was one of the biggest sites that hosted any level of discussion around it, and exposed other people to it as a concept. This is common for user-generated content platforms; they aggregate people who find commonalities and then splinter off. Lesswrong's vaunted "politics is the mindkiller" masked a strong aversion to a lot of what would become left social justice, and it was a place for those people to meet. I don't think neoreaction deserves any mention on Lesswrong's wikipedia page, beyond maybe a footnote. But Lesswrong deserves a place on Neoreaction's wikipedia page. There are very interesting arguments to explore here.

You must, however, ignore that temptation, because Gerard explored fucking none of that. No curiosity, no context, just endless appeals to "Reliable Source!" and other wikipedia rules to freeze the wikipedia entries into maximally unflattering shapes. Any individual edit is perhaps defensible; in their totality they are damning. My "favourite" is that on the Slate Star Codex wikipedia page, he inserted and fought a half-dozen times to include a link to an academic publication Scott Alexander wrote, that no one ever read and was never discussed on SSC beyond a passing mention, solely because it had his real name on it. He was just doxxing him because he knew it would piss Scott off, and anyone pointing that out was told "Springer Press is RS, read the rules please :)". It is levels of petty I can't imagine motivating me for a decade, it is honestly impressive!

He was eventually banned from editing the page as some other just-as-senior wikipedia editor finally noticed and realized, no, the guy who openly calls Scott a neo-nazi is not an "unbiased source" for editing this page wtf is wrong with you all. I think you could come away from this article thinking Wikipedia is ~broken~ or w/e, but you shouldn't - how hard Gerard had to work to do something as small as he did is a testament to the strength of the platform. No one thinks it is perfect of course, but nothing ever will be - and in particular getting motivated contributors now that the sex appeal has faded is a very hard problem. The best solution sometimes is just noticing the abusers over time.

Though wikipedia should loosen up its sourcing standards a bit. I get why it is the way it is, but still, come on.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 5/14/2024

googled "sample bon mot" in a fit of desperation, considered asking chatgpt to generate me some for 0.2 seconds before the visceral BLEUGH reaction plus remembered that every query is like pouring a 16oz water bottle out on the ground, and figured this series of events would be a better intro than anything else i could come up with

listening

miya folick's Pet Body was off last week's spotify rec playlist. i had liked some individual songs by miya folick (singer/songwriter/alt/indie/dance/electronica) but now i gotta really dive into her discography-- this particular very peppy and upbeat song with dire lyrics is really clicking with me lately as my body overreacts to texas pollen and engages in other known misbehaviors.

the chorus, my god

Proper care and feeding for my pet body

and this verse

I'm just a brain with a pet body Out for a walk until I croak I'm just an ordinary subject In an ordinary book

as my mother used to say, i'm real fuckin sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!

-

reading

ough i need to vacuum. i picked up Mrs Vargas and the Dead Naturalist by Kathleen Alcalá for a dollar last summer bc 0) killer title 1) it was a dollar 2) cool cover 3) autographed 4) endorsed by le guin.

kind of fascinating as an object: weird little lesbian (?) boutique press that's still around, idk ive ever seen a notice about steps they took to ensure the longevity of the physical book before?

i find myself bouncing off latin and south american magical realism a lot bc i am not in those authors’ intended audiences/i do not have the background to fully appreciate them. i have a bachelors of science. and that’s fine bc that’s the point! this is one of the very few times post-college where i caught myself thinking “man i gotta find a class to take about this”.

even if i do not understand the wider cultural context or the real-life figures she obliquely references in many of these short stories (i am convinced the bird-voiced singer is based on a real singer), i do appreciate alcalá’s craft: true short stories, she makes her point and then ends it. the twist in Reading the Road specifically— woof that’s gonna stick with me for a bit. a perfect little o henry twist of the knife. i wanted so badly to link this specific short story but apparently nobody has used it to teach anything and the book itself is not widely available/on the internet archive/etc. u will have to find this story of a roadside fortune teller (who is current on all her business permits) and one day's fortune telling, by yourself perhaps through your library

-

watching

the prisoner, the seventeen episode british sixties tv cult classic. let's yoink the description from wikipedia.

The Prisoner is a British television series created by Patrick McGoohan, with possible contributions from George Markstein.[2] McGoohan portrays Number Six, an unnamed British intelligence agent who is abducted and imprisoned in a mysterious coastal village after resigning from his position.[3] The allegorical plotlines of the series contain elements of science fiction, psychological drama, and spy fiction.

number six shares a lot of traits with my cat philip marlowe, as they are both hell fucking bent on escaping and all attempts to restrain them just sort of train them to be better at the next attempt? as one might expect from a heavily allegorical sixties show, kind of heavy emotional going so im watching an episode every day or two.

why am i watching this? it's free on my library streaming service (and tubi), and i don't have a lot going on. i love one-season cancelled shows, i love Dad Media, unfortunately i was a navy brat and i do love some cloak and dagger shit. i LOOOOVE a fucked up little town and bureaucracy-as-cudgel. i actually came across this when i wishlisted the game We Happy Few back in 2018, another entry in the "creepy little british towns" genre. have yet to play it

-

playing

the cosmology and general backstory of genshin is convoluted as hell (The Gods are real and live in the sky, but some lowercase-g gods are also rulers of the seven nations in-game) but they have been foreshadowing a grand showdown since the very beginning of the game. one player character cannot de- or re-stablize so many regions and engage in so many power struggles without someone taking notice.

i did NOT, however, expect one of the regional god-rulers (purple) to start planning for this divine war in a side cutscene in a seasonal event. a seasonal event around rock n roll rhythm games. absolutely devastated i missed the pink fox lady's rerun right after i had to give my work laptop back and before i got the PC fixed. this game will not run on my iphone 12 for love or money

-

making

bit of a depression hovel situation going on. we are slowly rolling that back tho. finally met my landlord during the HVAC replacement debacle, he said that he bought this apartment in 2009, lived here for ten years, and then his parents lived here for a couple years. i am the first non-family tenant, i think. all of the appliances and fixtures are from 2009. i think the fridge will be the next to go. ANYWAY. i asked him what the deal was with the lack of bathroom vents and HE said when he had an air conditioner put in in 2009 the HVAC guy then assured him he only needed the HVAC vents and closed up the actual vents. which is a load of shit. i am not really excited to live here for another year but i really super can't afford to move and finding an apartment in houston the first time was such a goddamn nightmare. i cannot do three years tho. hopefully something will have changed by august 2025.

i have also, through a special cashback bonus reward on my credit card, a sale, a gift card, and cashing in more cashback money, acquired a cat tree for philip. modeled here by mackie bc we did room swapping again as i was writing this. i cannot be bothered to install curtain tiebacks or properly fold anything, as you can see below

[infiniteeight8]

Ironstrange identity reveal? I was reading Spy x Family when I thought of this, so that's the background/setting I was thinking of initially, but it can definitely be a superhero thing too. Or whatever other idea pops into your head. I'm always excited to see what you come up with!

I read the top of the wikipedia entry for Spy x Family, but that setup is not working for me here, so instead we’re going with some classic “Iron Man is Tony Stark’s bodyguard” shenanigans. 😀

Uh, this got… more than a little out of hand. This has many themes in common with other drabbles, but now it’s 1360 words long. Enjoy?

Under the read more for length.

-

Tony stares stubbornly at Steve, who is rubbing his eyes with the kind of exhausted exasperation that has become his hallmark around Iron Man.

“Iron Man, you were unconscious,” Steve says. “After being electrocuted. You need a real medical check.”

“The armor has medical sensors,” Tony insists. “It says I’m fine. I can answer questions for a neurological exam. That’ll have to be good enough.”

Steve gets that stubborn look on his face. The one that no one wins against. Fuck. “You’re benched until you get a real medical check.”

“How about if I get checked out in my civilian identity?” Tony suggests.

“We have no way of verifying that you’ve done that,” Steve says. “And while I hate to say you’d lie, I can’t dismiss the possibility after this conversation. I understand your hesitation about revealing your identity, but your life is at stake.”

“It’s really not,” Tony mutters. He’s fine. But he can tell that Steve isn’t going to budge on this, and he wants to be off the bench sooner rather than later. “Fine. Call Strange, then.”

Steve’s eyebrows go up. “Doctor Strange? He’s not a practicing physician.”

“He’s kept his certifications, though.”

“And he hates you.”

Stephen hates Iron Man. He’s quite fond of Tony Stark, though. They’re… friends. He’s asked Tony on half a dozen dates, which Tony has been forced to turn down because he refuses to lie about something as important as Iron Man to someone he’s dating. It’s made for a lonely couple of years. At least if he has to reveal his identity to someone, he might get a date out of it. If Stephen forgives him for lying. If he can get past Tony Stark being an Avenger in general (apparently they make a lot of work for the sorcerers; something about the barriers between dimensions) and Iron Man in specific, who he’s always hated the most. 

“Then you’ll know he’s being honest when he clears me,” is all Tony says aloud.

Steve still looks baffled, but he makes the call.

Tony’s expecting Stephen to be angry when he arrives. He may keep his medical certifications up to date, but he doesn’t work as a doctor and he’s sure as hell not on call for the Avengers. But when he arrives he’s crisply professional, if frosty. He’s even wearing a lab coat over street clothes. He locks the exam room door behind him, which would be odd except that he follows it up with, “Armor off.” Tony hesitates. Stephen’s expression tightens. “Captain Rogers indicated you were willing to be examined,” he says sharply.

“This is kind of a big deal,” Tony snaps. “There is literally no one living that knows who I am.”

Stephen blinks. “Surely Tony knows.”

Tony sighs. “Yeah. About that.” He issues the command, and the helmet retracts. 

Stephen stares. And stares. And there it is. There’s the anger. “You utter fucking idiot!” He shouts. “What the hell are you doing risking your life in that goddamned tin can?! Don’t you know what a catastrophic loss it would be if you died out there?”

Okay, Stephen is yelling, but it seems like… good yelling? “I’m saving people,” Tony argues.

“You save plenty of people as Tony Stark!” Thank God the soundproofing in this place is spectacular; Stephen doesn’t lower his voice one bit. “So why do you insist on ruining your own life with this, this,” he waves his hand inarticulately at the armor still covering Tony to the neck, “bullshit.”

Okay, that’s enough. “Iron Man is not ruining my life! It’s the best thing I’ve ever done!”

Stephen's expression shifts from furious to incredulous. “The best thing?” he demands. “The best thing? What about the 100 million dollar donation to spinal cord research? The Foundation that helps people rebuild after things like alien invasions when their insurance won’t? What about the shield you invented that makes it possible for people with sensitive implants to get an MRI safely, or the modular smartphone that doesn’t need to be replaced every two years? What about the scholarships you’ve endowed?”

“Stephen—”

“Are those not big enough in scale?” Stephen demands. “How about the clean energy technology that looks like it might stop global warming in its tracks? Is that enough? Is one planet not enough? Do we need to talk about the international collaboration that you started to combine Earth’s resources with alien technology to turn us into an interstellar civilization before another interstellar civilization can dismiss us as barbarians—”

“I’m not the one who decided none of that counted!” Tony shouted over Stephen. It stops the tirade, at least. Tony blows out a hard breath. “The guy who donates the 100 million dollars isn’t the hero,” he goes on. “That’s the guy who makes the discovery. The Foundation isn’t celebrated for the people it helps, it’s critiqued for the ones it doesn’t. The MRI shield, the smartphone… people like them, but they’re advances that ‘were always coming’. Or maybe ‘were overdue’. That doesn’t mean they aren’t worth doing. Of course they’re worth doing.” Tony retracts a gauntlet and rubs a hand over his face. God, he’s tired. “I just… I wanted to be the hero for once,” he admits. It sounds so fucking selfish. “Tony Stark could never do enough. It always had to be about the money for them, even when it really wasn’t about the money for me. But Iron Man… No one wonders what his ulterior motive is when he does something good. They just cheer.”

Stephen sighs and hitches himself up onto the medical bed next to Tony. “Do you know why I hated Iron Man so much?”

Tony grimaces. “I always figured he was just too… blunt instrument for you.”

Stephen snorts. “Hulk and Cap are far more blunt,” he says. “Iron Man at least has precision weapons to go with the punches. No. I hated Iron Man because when the suit failed somehow Tony got the blame, but when it worked, Iron Man got the credit. Iron Man made everything you just explained worse, not better.”

There’s not really a counter argument for that. It’s true. Except, “Nothing was going to make that better,” Tony says. “Nothing could. Not until I’m dead, anyway.” He half expects Stephen to go right back to haranguing him for risking his life. 

“Speaking of which, I’m meant to be making sure you’re not dying now,” Stephen says. He stands and moves to face Tony. “Come on. Get the rest of the armor off.”

Tony obliges, and they proceed with the rest of the exam in silence. 

Near the end, Tony looks over Stephen’s shoulder rather than meet his eyes and says, quietly, “I’m not going to stop.”

“My initial reaction aside,” Stephen answers, just as soft, “I never thought you would. I know as well as anyone how this life becomes a part of you.” When he finishes the exam, he steps back. “You’re fine.” 

Tony nods and puts the armor back on. It’s never been so quiet between them before. His chest aches.

When he’s got everything but the helmet back on, Stephen stops him. “Is this why you always said no when I asked you out?”

“Yeah,” Tony says. “Didn’t seem right to lie like that to my partner.”

“Right.” Stephen nods firmly. “So will you go out with me now?”

Tony perks up. “You still want to?”

Stephen gives him a look. “You have not had a personality transplant,” he says dryly. “So yes, I still want to.”

Do not push your luck, Tony tells himself. He says it anyway, “Thought the lying might be a bigger deal.”

“Everyone keeps secrets,” Stephen says. “But the secrets that a friend will accept are different from the secrets that a partner will accept. You’ve already demonstrated that you understand that.” Tony grins and Stephen shoots him a look. “We will, however, be having words about you assuming I’d react like anyone else in your life.”

Tony swallows a laugh. “Of course,” he says. “I should have known you’d be exceptional.” 

“And don’t forget it,” Stephen says, a smirk tugging at the edge of his mouth.

[marrow-and-bone]

Title: Major Malfunction Pairings: Quackity/Wilbur, Quackity/Schlatt Rating: Explicit Words: 10,700 A gift for @regicidal-optimism, as part of the @mcytblrholidayexchange Summary:

“I just think it’s a little ridiculous, that’s all,” Wilbur says around a mouthful of hash brown. “I mean the theater of it, you know? The spectacle.” “Of course it’s a spectacle," Quackity says. “We’re launching a fucking rocket.” “We launch rockets every day. This one just so happens to have people sitting on top of it.” “I’m not a chump for being excited about this,” Quackity says, setting up all the familiar defenses. “It’s a big deal. It’s a big deal every fucking time.” “I never said you were a chump, Quackity, let’s not be dramatic.” Quackity’s eyes stay on the road, but he can hear the eyeroll in Wilbur’s voice. “I only said that it’s depressingly mundane.” “For you, maybe," Quackity says, and swallows down the rest.  or Quackity and Wilbur are Space Shuttle flight control officers for NASA in the 1990s.

There's also a playlist (course there is) on Spotify | on YouTube

A selected list of sources (below the fold)

Videos

Space Shuttle Abort Modes Explains the different abort modes for the shuttle, when they would be used, and generally how they work.

Mission Control Practices Launching Discovery Interviews with flight controllers, and footage of both the main control floor and the backrooms 

STS-51L - Launch Flight Directors Loop Includes audio and video from the Mission Control Floor during the Challenger launch, explosion, and immediate aftermath

Columbia Breakup in real time Compiles footage from various sources and includes annotated diagrams of the systems which failed.

Inside Mission Control During STS-107 Columbia's Failed Re-entry and disaster No commentary or shuttle footage, audio and video of the flight controllers only

STS-107 Re-entry live NASA TV coverage of the Columbia accident Includes Public Affairs Officer commentary

STS-71 launch & landing TV coverage of a shuttle launch from 1995

NASA RTLS Launch Abort Simulation - Discovery with Orbiter visuals added Audio from a simulated shuttle launch abort at NASA Johnson

Commercial Crew Progress Status Update 2013 presentation describing NASA’s commercial crew program and its progress at the time

Podcast is Not an Option, Episode 73 (with Gary Jordan) Interview with present-day Public Affairs Officer 

Space Shuttle Flyout Series: Launch Directors Interviews with launch directors from NASA Kennedy, as well as footage of the firing room floor 

Articles, documents, and diagrams (not including wikipedia we all know about wikipedia already)

Rogers Commission Report on the Space Shuttle Challenger Accident excerpted and adapted in the text of the story (see page 198)

Transcript of Mission Control flight loop for Columbia's final flight

Challenger timeline includes transcripts of audio from the NASA Select broadcast as well as the flight controller loops

Space Shuttle: Orbiter Processing from Landing to Launch  (PDF)

Going boldly: Behind the scenes at NASA’s hallowed Mission Control Center

The Final Count Down: A Review of Three Decades of Flight Controller Training Methods for Space Shuttle Mission Operations (PDF) includes a diagram of the control floor and descriptions of controller positions

Mission Control Center: The Heart of US Manned Spaceflight Operations this is the personal website of a former Flight Dynamics Officer [FDO] flight controller, the layout is a little wacky but there’s good stuff in here

Launching a Shuttle: NASA Countdown to Blastoff focuses on Launch Control at the Kennedy Space Center

Space Shuttle Propulsion Systems (PDF)

Building on a Mission: The Houston Mission Control Center

SPACE SHUTTLE EAST COAST ABORT MODES FOR HIGH INCLINATION LAUNCHES (PDF)

A McDonald’s menu from the 90s

[ambloom]

I wanna get into precure, do you have a fav or ome you think people should start with?

Ye!! I want to preface this by saying Precure is basically a collection of advertisements to sell children toys, but it's fun head empty activity if you like magical girl stuff. I think it's best to just scroll through the Wikipedia page and pick whichever one looks the most interesting to you, but I'll talk about the ones I like and dislike below:

1. Heartcatch

My favorite season. Great characters, art, feels so incredibly full of love. Character design is by Yoshihiko Umakoshi (Magical Doremi). The stylized animation really adds to the fight scenes. I've seen a lot of trans girls resonate with a particular character and it's fun to keep that headcanon in mind when watching. Theme song plays in my head everyday.

2. Hirogaru Sky

The newest season. Really easy to get into and features a lot of firsts in the series such as a blue main cure, first magical boy on the main team, and adult cure on the main team (she's only 18 though lol). I just wish the fight scenes were more punch-y since the protagonist, Sora, is an athlete.

3. Kirakira Pretty Cure a la Mode

This one is hated by a lot of people because there's no hand to hand combat, but I feel like it more than makes up for that with the characters and general bubbly vibe. Has a budget Haruka/Michiru cat girl x dog girl couple for the yuri fans. I never skip the transformations.

4. Futari wa Pretty Cure

The original. Fight scenes only went down in quality after it imo. Really distinctive among magical girl shows.

5. Fresh Precure

The art isn't really up to par with other entries, but if you don't mind that it has a character who really tugs at the heartstrings. Invented the concept of a mid season cure (cure joins halfway through) and no one else has done it like her. Truly believe she suffered more than Jesus.

Others I recommend are Star Twinkle, Tropical Rogue, and Suite.

As for the ones I'm like... Eh about..

Go! Princess is a fan favorite. It has a nice storybook feel, dynamic fight scenes occasionally, and the transformations are stunning. But as an Utena fan it felt weird to watch them go "no it's okay to want to be a princess actually! princesses can be strong too!" Very annoying message to see be sent to kids to buy products lol

Yes 5... There are two episodes I think are like the best in this franchise and then the rest was ruined by a chipmunk I wish was roadkill. The romance is between the protagonist and her teacher (who also happens to be the mascot character lol). It's the season that got a sequel that's currently airing with the cast all grown up, but they had to bring that ugly flea-ridden fuck back.

Huggto. The thing is I was spoiled for this and it was a spoiler that made my neurons kind of short circuit so I decided it definitely was not for me.

Sorry, I know I rambled a bit but I hope you have fun! (Disclaimer that this is just my opinion, I'm aware it's a kids show for kids in case green cure anon is following me)

[archived-organ-brackets]

Worst Organ Bracket Propaganda List

Please find below a full list of every piece of propaganda submitted to the Worst Organ Bracket.

Relevant parts of the organ description or additional notes have been appended to the quotes where useful, and double quotes have been changed to single ones; however, aside from this, the integrity of propaganda has been preserved.

You will find appended at the end of the section any comments I'd like to add.

Appendix

"It can suddenly get infected or straight up explode, which is fatal if not treated"

"it can randomly get infected and explode and kill you"

"Appendicitis"

"man it doesn't do shit except explode. it might have used to help us process fruits and nuts though ... it just doesn't do shit except explode sometimes"

"...it doesn't do jack shit ... useless motherfucker. also it looks like a dick."

"does nothing ... useless bastard that fucks you up, no one asked for you you little bitch"

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: Most information on the function of the appendix dates to the 21st century, and thus has changed recently and may change again.

Brain

"has thoughts sometimes ... never shuts up"

"it gives me mental illnesses ... it gives me mental illnesses and just generally doesn't function all that well"

"adhd"

"Gives me anxiety -_-"

"Stupid thing gave me depression and migranes"

"The brain can do so many things, from piling a mech suit of meat supported by a skeleton, to creating complicated math problems that would blow a monkey's mind. Human brains are HUGE, all because we decided to cook some meat. AND YET DESPITE ALL OF THAT IT REFUSES TO MAKE THE HAPPY CHEMICAL We could all be Einstein!!! We could all be solving the world's issues in a blink of an eye!!! And yet instead of any of that our brains just shout stupid mean untrue stuff at us like a highschool bully! Why you so mean, brain??? You don't need to be mean!!!!! ... If my brain actually DID IT'S JOB like the rest of my organs I could fight god in a heartbeat"

Ectospleen [Dr Who]:

"All we know is the Doctor’s ectospleen hurt once :( But things hurting is bad :("

Eye/s:

"Mine are sorta broken. They force me to see all this shit."

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: I'd like to add that the eyes have a separate immune system to the rest of the body and do not react pleasantly to external influences. Which, considering their squishiness, is a bit stupid.

Knee/s:

"... "The knee is vulnerable to injury and to the development of osteoarthritis." - English Wikipedia" ..."

Left Fifth Toenail:

"It just. Is."

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: I assume this entry refers to kicking one's toe/getting it caught on objects.

Lung/s:

"I have asthma"

"When it gets slimy inside it just doesnt stop. Cannot handle a little dust. Literal Baby. Acts up when trans guys try to feel ok like a fucking transphobe. Looks fucked up if you put a camera inside. Need i go on."

Oregon State [USA]:

"housng crisis and annying hipsters"

"who yhe fuck live there. paul bonion?"

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: I could not find any information on Oregon-based claims to Paul Bunyan via Wikipedia, but considering the number of claims I wouldn't be surprised.

Ovaries:

"They keep fucking up my hormones:("

Pharynx:

"More than 1 in 3000 people die because their breathing and eating holes were too close together. Literally just get a blowhole. 🐬 ... 🐬🐬🐬 "

Rectum:

"that bitch decided to exit my body and refused to go back in ... it's okay now a doctor put it back"

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: I assume this is referring to some form of rectal prolapse. This surprised me a lot when it came into the Google Form but... yeah that's a pretty big design flaw

Scapula:

"The Triangle. it fuckinf hurts"

Skin:

"I love you skin, I know you're trying your best, but could you maybe actually retain moisture and not get inflammed for no reason. Making me walk around red and greasy lookin :/"

"...It protects. But it also absorbs ... You have to deal with all the time. It's dry and flakey or it's oily and gross. It deals with cuts and scrapes and they can get infected. Sometimes when it scars it affects your mobility. Ingrown hairs. Warts. Acne. Allergic reactions. Eczema. Sweating. Chafing. Like this stuff isn't just considered "unsightly" in an airbrush-obsessed world, it physically hurts."

Skunk Scent Gland:

"It makes the most godawful smell that you just can't escape"

Spine/Vertebra:

"horrible wretched thing ... ow"

Spleen:

"i dont even know ... bestie what do you do"

"Tim Drake had his removed and he’s fine!"

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: The spleen does indeed have functions, but it also does a lot of stupid things (did you know infectious mononucleosis has a low but present chance of causing it to spontaneously rupture? Now you do) and generally speaking people can live okay-ish without it, albeit somewhat immunocompromised

Stomach:

"it digests food which is okay i guess but it also gives tummy aches :-( ... it always gives stomach aches. all of us can relate to 'my tummy hurts' and i think the stomach’s reign of terror has gone on TOO LONG. we should humble it by voting worst organ so it quakes in fear the next time it decided to hurt for no damn good reason. it’s freaky (in a bad way) and full of acid which just is not natural (derogatory). it ruins perfectly good days by deciding to be a whiny little b*tch and for what???? it’s an attention seeker, it’s toxic, cows have too many of them, i literally hate it so much. we don’t even need stomachs do we??? waste of space organ. i hope it cries."

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: This was a very heartfelt piece of propaganda and I'm a little sad it didn't make it to the 1v1s.

Thyroid:

"Mine doesn't work well and I've been on medication to supplement it since I was 12. But hey, at least this is better than it working TOO well where the solution is to surgically remove it and then go on this same medication to fully replace it."

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: It should also be noted that the best known disease of the thyroid is goitre, which is when it swells up to the size of a large sports ball due to iodine deficiency.

Tonsils:

"sometimes they swell so bad you have to get them taken out. also they release tonsil stones which suck to cough out"

Uterus:

"...for storing babies and hurting ... ouchy ouchy ouchy :("

"ow yeouch owie!!! ... Come on. It's CLEARLY the worst"

"only 2 other species menstrate. Everyone else just reabsorbs the blood. Instead we now loose nutrients and attract predators"

"bleeds, cramps, hurts, and generally is the cause of discomfort for many of those who are in possession of one, particularly if they would rather not be reminded of its existence."

"It causes pain monthly, can have cysts, growths in places growths should lot be, and all round makes life miserable. but also makes babies, which may or may not be a plus."

"ENDOMETRIOSIS"

"This organ hurts me for a week every month. And gives me dysphoria so therefore it is transphobic and homophobic."

"It's the only human organ that regularly hurts without any sickness or injury going on. ... The current workings of the uterus prove God is either non-existent, stupid, weak or malevolent."

"It's the one that bleeds for no reason. ... Ancient people explained the way uterus functions as God hating women. I'd like to add that he's also transphobic."

"THE FUCKER THAT BLEEDS EVERY GODDAMN MONTH ... IT FUCKING BLEEDS. EVERY DAMN MONTH. AND ON TOP OF THAT IT(OR MAYBE WHATEVERS CONNECTED TO IT) SENDS OUT WEIRD ASS HORMONES ALONG WITH THE BLEEDING. IT'S PAINFUL AS HELL AND MAKES ME FUCKING SAD WITH THOSE DAMN HORMONES. 'IM HERE TO MAKE BABIES'FUCK OFF. i do not want babies inside of me. have you even considered that. sure some people do want babies in there. not me. did you even ask me for consent before existing in MY BODY HUH? ... only around half the population has this organ. the other fuckers should consider themselves luCKY to not have it. anyway i apologise for my excessive swearing i just hate periods"

Wisdom Teeth:

"They dont always fit right and have to be pulled"

[victorluvsalice]

Valice Calendar In Honor Of 15 Years

Yeah, you read the title right -- as of 2023, I will have been shipping Victor Van Dort from Corpse Bride with Alice Liddell from American McGee’s Alice and Alice: Madness Returns for FIFTEEN YEARS. I actually went back into my old LiveJournal/Dreamwidth entries some time ago to see if I could pinpoint when the hell I actually started shipping them -- turns out it was June 22nd, 2008 when I first mentioned having shipping thoughts about them (in response to a TV Tropes binge apparently). Granted, it was in the context of “what the fuck, me, you know they’d be a terrible pairing,” but -- yeah. We see how long that attitude lasted. XD And that means that next June, it’ll be 15 years! Holy hell.

So! Given that 15 years is a bit of a milestone, I thought I’d set up a “Valice Calendar” for the next year so I know which dates I should try and acknowledge as Important Valice Dates. :) Some of these should already be familiar to my regular followers, as I’m already in the habit of doing something special for them, while the rest are from that deep dive into my journaling past:

January 27th -- the date that I posted my first Valice fic, “Suffocating,” on my LiveJournal! Which was obviously in 2009, not 2008, but still a momentous occasion! Also, conveniently, the birth date of Charles Dodgson, aka Lewis Carroll.

February 14th -- Valicetine Day, obviously :)

May 4th -- the historical Alice Liddell’s birthday, and thus my Alice’s birthday!

June 9th -- Johnny Depp’s birthday, and as I have a habit of using actor birthdays if a canonical one is not given for a character, thus my Victor’s birthday! (Also, amusingly, the birth date of Michael J. Fox, and thus also my take on Marty McFly, which comes up in “Secundus.”)

June 14th -- release date of Alice: Madness Returns in North America! (According to Wikipedia, anyway, but I can confirm because I got my copy from GameStop the very next day.)

June 22nd -- as stated above, the first time I mentioned thinking about shipping Victor/Alice back in 2008! Even if I thought at the time it was also a pure crackship. XD

JULY 7TH -- Victor and Alice’s wedding anniversary! Which I picked because a) I liked the idea of a summer wedding and b) it’s easy to remember. *facepalm*

September 10th -- first mention in 2008 of me associating songs with the ship (I believe it was “Love Me Dead”); the entry indicated I’d already started associating any vaguely romantic songs with them, but this was the first time I mentioned a specific one, so we’re going with this.

September 23rd -- release date of Corpse Bride in the United States! (According to Wikipedia again, but I’m inclined to believe them.)

October 6th -- Mad Hatter Day (because of the date -- 10/6 like on his hat) and thus just a general Alice day of mention. (I’ve also seen it stated as a release date for the first game, but I’ve never been able to fully confirm that.)

October 31st -- Halloween! Not a specific Valice date, but this is the holiday that sees the biggest spike in interest in the two fandoms, sooo. . .

November 27th -- first mention of me starting to seriously think about fanfic for Valice! Seems weirdly appropriate I’d publish the first one exactly two months later. :p

December 6th -- release date of American McGee’s Alice in North America! (Again, according to Wikipedia -- as stated above, I’ve also seen October 6th cited, and November 22nd on at least one site, so -- I’m just going with this!)

December 8th -- the first time I had one of my RP Alices (”save_us_alice,” though she didn’t have her journal at the time) call one of my RP Victors (”deadgirlsliekme” -- the proper spelling had been taken!) her “boyfriend.” While I’d obviously started genuinely shipping them before that, this is the first date that I saw anything about the pairing being Official, so again, we’re going with this.

December 27th -- my birthday, which -- as the person who came up with this ship -- I feel deserves to be recognized. :p

So yeah, that’s kind of the official Valice Calendar! :D Except -- well. You guys know that a certain OT3 has become very popular around here as well, huh? So yeah, because I know me, here’s also a handful of Valicer dates --

January 8th -- the actual creation of Smiler Always, the sim that informed the look of all my human/humanoid Smilers for my AUs, and their insertion into the Chill Save.

May 31st -- the actual opening date of The Smiler roller coaster! (It was supposed to open earlier, but delays in the final construction meant that it missed the first two dates.) Meaning this is the birthday of my own Smiler!

December 27th -- yes, doubling up with my birthday, because -- well. December 26th of 2021, I watched “One Night In - Alton Towers” with my parents, which led to us looking up a bunch of the rides on YouTube so we could see what they were like. Which included one called “The Smiler,” which I found myself very intrigued by the next day. . .meaning you can trace my Smiler obsession and the eventual creation of the OT3 to me binging Smiler videos and lore posts on my birthday last year.

December 31st -- the date four days later where I realized that the “private hypnokinky AU with Victor and Alice using the coaster’s theming for private fun times” had somehow become “I have made a human Smiler, a vampire Smiler, and a robot-run-by-an-eldritch-abomination Smiler for three different AUs VICTOR WHY DO YOU WANT TO FUCK A ROLLER COASTER” XD AKA the more EXPLICIT creation date of the OT3.

Okay, that should cover just about everything. XD Next year, we celebrate Valice (and Valicer) in style! :)

[sortyourlifeoutmate]

Were you aware of the Post Office Horizon scandal?

Long story short, the largest miscarriage of justice in British legal history, or so I’m told. 

Many years ago, back in the nineties, the Post Office decided to splurge on some new accounting software. A few years and a billion or so pounds later and it had one - Horizon. Ta-dah! It does stocktaking! And other stuff.

This was used in post offices up and down the country, processing millions of transactions a day. It also had problems. In a couple of places in a couple of post offices it was coming up short, showing that money was missing. Thousands of pounds, sometimes. The people running these post offices said the software had issues. The kind of issues that, oh, might make it look like thousands of pounds are missing when thousands of pounds are not missing.

The Post Office itself said no, the software was perfect, you’re all just thieves.

And so, one by one, the Post Office took these people tp private prosecution. Any time one of them said hey, look, the software is faulty here’s the proof the Post Office said no, the software is perfect, you’re just a thief, we had someone check it and it’s perfect there are no issues, now give us our money back.

(Some people did pay back the shortfalls out of their own money. Money for nothing! Did the Post Office give any of that back? Did they fuck.)

There were issues. They either knew about the issues and pretended not to or didn’t care when person after person told them there were issues. More than once they have been caught lying, but how is that a surprise?

Twenty years and, oh, seven hundred plus dodgy prosecutions later - more than a few resulting in bankruptcies, unemployment, jail, divorce, and suicide - they’re finally brought up on all this and decide to just double down and say it’s all fine and use lots and lots of public money to fight every appeal that comes their way, despite them being wholly in the wrong.

At some point in this I think whoever was in charge got to leave with a generous golden goodbye, too. Just because.

Anyway, that’s the vague outline. I’ve likely glossed over a couple details and got more than a few things wrong but the main point is they, a publicly-owned body, ruined the lives of hundreds of people who were entirely innocent, ignored every VERY OBVIOUS sign of a problem, and utterly refused to face any responsibility for it.

If you want to know actual details you can look at the wikipedia entry.

Anyway!

I bring it up because today a fresh wrinkle appeared! And it’s a doozy!

So hold in your mind a company throwing its weight around and crushing the innocent and ignoring all signs that there’s a problem, and then add on top of that the fact that the company also started investigating the claimaints and had them sorted by, well...

An internal document shows fraud investigators were asked to group suspects based on racial features.

But how bad could that be, really?

The guidance, which was reportedly published between 2008 and 2011, required investigators to give sub-postmasters under suspicion a number, according to their racial background.

The numbered categories on the document include 'Chinese/Japanese types', 'Dark Skinned European Types' and 'Negroid Types' - an archaic and offensive term from the colonial era of the 1800s that refers to people of African descent.

Pretty fucking bad, it turns out!

So not only were they chasing innocent people into penury and, again, suicide, they were then snooping on them and grouping them using all the subtlety and tact of a nineteenth-century phrenologist.

Jesus Christ!

[versegm]

Hi ! It’s been a while seeing your fate posts wanting to get into it - but with that last post about fate series levels…! Do you like… recommend getting into it ? And with a particular series ? Or is it the kind of media where you’re like i adore it but i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy

I wholeheartedly recommend the Fate serie. It is, and I mean this completely unironically, one of the best series I have been given to eat in years.

Usually when I make headcanon or meta posts about a given serie, there is a large amount of wishful thinking and self indulgence involved. I don't think Ariosto intended to write Orlando Furioso as a story about Angelica desperately trying to escape the narrative, but it is a lot more entertaining for me to read it this way. I am well aware that digimon is a children's cartoon and a lovecraftian horror story about the inherent corrupting power of light, it's just more suited to my tastes too imagine stories that involve that.

That's not the case with Fate. I am still very often self-indulgent and horny on main, but generally speaking when I say shit like "the protagonist of Fate/Grand Order is a normal person gradually becoming insane the further the plot goes" or "people die when they are killed means that if you refuse to let someone die when their time comes you are denying them the simple right to be a person" that is. Very textually what happens. The Fate serie allows itself to go all out on bonkers and/or horrifying concepts and themes, which is doubly refreshing in a world where media are slowly being made blander by corporations who don't want to alienate their audience and lose money.

That being said, it is a serie that has been going on for a very long time, so the writers like to reference their old works, make use of concepts they've foreshadowed 16 years ago in an obscure visual novel that never got translated, make full aus of their own stories, ect ect. So the joke of this post is that there are some Fate works you can jump in with 0 knowledge of Fate and you'll be mostly fine save for maybe a couple cameos you won't recognize, while some others will be fucking incomprehensible if you haven't eaten the full wikipedia page beforehand.

If you follow Lance's post, you can probably pick any work from level 0 to 5 and try to work you way out from here.

If you want my personal input, my entry point was Fate/Grand Order, and while I could make a whole post on its strenghts and weaknesses if you need one the important part is that it did a well enough job having a compelling story on its own while explaining the worldbuilding basics to me.

Fate/Stay Night (the visual novel) is the first title of the Fate serie, so it's a good entry point as well, but it is fucking long and frankly the first route has aged a bit so that's up to you. If you want something easier to digest to see what's Fate about and if it'll be up your alley, you can always check out the Unlimited Blades Work anime (which is an anime adaptation of one of the routes of the vn) or the Fate/Zero anime (which is a prequel.) I also know a guy who got in through the Fate/Apocrypha anime, so if you like Mordred specifically it might be your thing idk.

Honestly don't sweat it too much, Fate is very much a serie where you will revisit works you've already eaten and go "oh THAT'S who that bitch from episode 5 came from and that's why they made it into a big deal at the time" once you've got a bit more context. It's worth asking your friends if any of them are already into Fate so they might be able to give you insight on how blorbo #34 actually has SUCH a compelling backstory in an earlier work, but if you don't that's fine just go with the flow.

Oh yeah fair warning tho that Fate sometimes features some Anime Bullshit (that's a polite way to say "lolis") so if that's a dealbreaker for you be aware of it.

[golden-pickaxe]

Coffee (Part 5)

Fandom: Vikings

Paring: Ivar x Reader

Type: Modern AU, Office AU

Wordcount: 3619

Warnings: reader drinks wine casually

[Coffee - All Parts Here]

A/N: Here is part 5!

Tagged: @youbloodymadgenius​ @punkrocknpearls @mootiemoose​ @istorkyou @dini73​ @heavenly1927​ @hashimily​ @peakywitch​

Summary: You are a graduate student at the University of Oslo, and have applied for a job as a personal assistant at the Lothbrok Corporation, without really knowing much of the position advertised. When it turns out you are going to work for the (in)famous Ivar Lothbrok, your whole life is turned up-side-down.

With Ivar just wearing a t-shirt, instead of his usual well-cut suits, you could very clearly see the strong muscles in his arms, as you watched him pushing his wheelchair out of the pedestrian zone, towards the street. You had to swallow at the sight, hating yourself for the effect this man had on you.

 You walked along side him, finally realising what you had done. Just like a year ago, when the coin had dropped that you had really applied at the Lothbrok Corporation, it now dropped that you had just accepted his invitation to come to his home and let him cook for you. Him, one of the most influential businessmen of Norway. With his own fucking Wikipedia site.

Your heart was pounding rapidly in your chest at the thought, and you bit your lower lip, not quite knowing what this whole thing would mean now. And if it would change anything between you. You hoped not, but in the same way, you did hope.

 Getting your private life mixed up with your job probably was not a good idea. On the other hand, this whole situation kind of freaked you out, but in a good way. It was exciting.

 You and Ivar had reached the street, next to the national gallery, where a few minutes later the taxi arrived. Personally, you would never get a taxi in Oslo, as it was just insanely expensive, but with a lot of public transport, such as the tram you had taken to get here, not entirely being accessible to someone in a wheelchair, you could understand why Ivar had called it.

 Ivar maneuverered himself into one of the back seats, while the driver put his chair into the trunk of the car. You felt Ivar’s blue eyes watching you, as you rounded the vehicle to get into at the other side.

Even though he always successfully overplayed it, you saw that he was a bit self-conscious about his legs, often cursing them underneath his breath when they once again got into his way. He could move them a little bit, and also seemed to have some feeling in them, was even able to stand up for a few moments, if he could support himself with his arms. But in general, they did not really seem to be working.

In the office, Ivar hated to use his wheelchair, often just dragging himself from his desk to his sofa, his immense upper body strength enabling him to pull himself up with not much of an issue.

 Now, sitting next to you in the taxi on the way to his apartment, he readjusted his legs a bit with tight lips, appearing a bit nervous once more. You still could not quite wrap your head around what was happening right now, it all felt a bit like a dream to you. Just so, you managed to resist the urge to pinch yourself.

 Your boss, your grumpy boss, the infamous Ivar Lothbrok had just casually invited you to go out for coffee with him, had questioned you about almost every aspect of your life, paid for your drink, and now took you to his home to cook for you. It almost sounded like a very bad rom-com, like a romance story some bored, lonely woman would think up. Not that you expected it to end that way, of course. Even if you honestly wished it would.

 Until now, even if you sometimes chatted on business trips, your relationship had been purely professional, and you had only been over to his flat once, when you had brought him a set of suits to his home, when there had been issues with his dry cleaner. It had not really surprised you, finding out that he also lived in Majorstuen, actually not very far from you, although it had been a stress factor for you. Of course, he did not live in one of the old buildings, like you did, with paper thin walls, no elevator and wonky doors, no. He lived on the top floor of one of those new, fancy apartment buildings, costing a few ten-million krona, overlooking Frognerparken.

 When you had brought the suits up to his apartment, you had also met a famous Norwegian actor in the lift, so it was clear what kind of people occupied the other flats of the building. You had never been inside his home, had only delivered his suits to his door, but even the entrance and the lift had been very fancy and expensive looking. Admittedly, you had taken a stupid selfie in the mirror of the lift and posted it to Instagram.

 As Aker Brygge was, as stated, not far from Majorstuen, the drive was quite short, and the few minutes of silence were only broken by far too relaxing music coming out of the car radio. The taxi stopped in front of the apartment building Ivar lived in, and he paid the driver, while you got out, retrieving Ivar’s wheelchair from the trunk. You set it up and positioned it next to the car, for him to climb into.

 Ivar clenched his jaw a bit, obviously annoyed at something, even though you were not quite sure what exactly it was that he was annoyed by now, only hoping that it was not you. Well, at least you would have not far home now.

Ivar climbed out of the car, moving himself over to sit in his chair, before unlocking the breaks and rolling towards the door of the building, while the taxi behind you departed.

 Just as you remembered, the entry hall of the apartment complex was very posh, and you were reminded that this was a completely different world from yours. A different world from your shitty apartment, where you could hear almost every conversation your neighbours were having, and where you had push your full body against the bathroom door to get it to close properly.

 Following Ivar to the lift, the two of you got in, and Ivar pressed the button of the top floor. As soon as the doors had closed, Ivar’s eyes were on you, mustering you intently. His gaze was a tad intimidating, you had to admit, once again looking like a predator looking at his prey. Still, you managed to look back with a smile.

 “Are there any things you don’t eat, before I work my magic?” he asked, a smirk on his handsome face. You had to laugh at his choice of words, but told him about any dietary restrictions or things you didn’t like, and Ivar nodded.

 “Alright. I think I know what to make, then.” He leaned back in his chair a bit, biting how lower lip, a move that made your knees feel very weak.

 “Thank you.” It came out of your mouth, earning a very surprised expression from Ivar.

 “What for?” he asked honestly a bit confused, tilting his head at you.

 “For the coffee. And for inviting me over, and for cooking.” You studied his face, hoping to find something there, something that would give up his intentions, something revealing why he was doing this. You just needed to know, needed to know if you could get your hopes up or not. Was this really just a social call because you had been working for him for a year now, or was it something else?

 “Thank me after you’ve tasted my glorious food! Then I will gladly accept your thanks.” Ivar winked, and the elevator doors opened. Ivar left the lift, pulling his keys out of his pocket as he stopped at his front door.

 His flat was the only flat up here, and you guessed it had to be gigantic, covering the whole top floor. You were sure, his flat probably also had a roof terrace.

 You had to admit, this was another thing you found kind of intimidating about this man. The sheer amount of wealth he had, the wealth his family had. While you lived in a flat share with an old kitchen and horrible, tiny bathroom, with just a wet room and not even a proper shower, he lived in this extremely modern, borderline futuristic building, overlooking Oslo.

 Ivar opened the door, and pushed himself into the flat, with you following close behind, walking past him before he closed the door again behind you.

 Obviously you had imagined this place to be huge and expensive, but what you were seeing in front of your eyes was just.. something else.

It was less of a normal flat, and more of a large loft, most of the rooms merged into one big space. There was, similar to his office, a gigantic glass front overlooking the famous park, and West Oslo. The sun was still in the sky, the sunset not being for another one and a half hours or so.

 In the centre of the room was a big, beautiful white sofa, the kind where one could just stretch out like a starfish and not fall down. In front of it was a coffee table made out of driftwood and glass, the dark wood in stark contrast with the sofa. On the right of it were large, metal, urban looking bookshelves, filled with many thick books, some leather bound and old looking, dividing the living area from the ‘bedroom’, and there were a few doors opposite of the windows, that seemed to lead into extra rooms, probably the bathroom and other rooms.

 Behind the bookshelf you could see a large bed at the wall, so large in fact that you were sure that it could comfortably fit three to four fully grown people. It was covered and surrounded in white and grey furs, sheep and reindeer as far as you could tell from the distance. Furs also covered parts of the marble floor of the flat.

 There were many more furs on and in front of the sofa, and in general it seemed that grey, white and black, together with different shades of brown were the only colours in the whole apartment, making it look very sophisticated.

 On the left-hand side was a giant, very modern kitchen, seemingly equipped with everything a cook could wish for, with a large kitchen isle and a big table in front of it, a rustic looking piece of furniture, made of wood and carved with beautiful knot patterns, probably hand made by a very skilled Scandinavian carpenter knowing a lot about medieval woodcarving.

 The kitchen itself, you noticed, was lower than what you were used to, and while it confused you for a moment, you quickly realised that it was built so that Ivar could easily reach everything from his wheelchair, without having to get any help.

 “Welcome to my humble home.” You heard Ivar’s voice behind you, pulling you out of your thoughts. You swallowed and turned to him, looking at him as he watched you with a knowing smile on his lips.

 You could not hold back a laugh.

“Humble?” you simply asked, slipping out of your shoes and walking further into the big room, looking around.

 The whole flat was modern and elegant, yet had such a rustic and clearly Scandinavian aesthetic, it was truly impressive. Whoever was the interior designer, was truly a genius, and showed an amazing appreciation for medieval Scandinavian design. Similar works you had only seen in the Folksmuseet in Bygdøy.

 The walls that were not made out of glass were covered in picture frames, displaying either old Viking artwork or photographs of Norway and Iceland, of runestones and old temples. Somehow, it fitted in perfectly with the rest of the decoration.

 There was a door in the glass front of the flat, leading out, just as you had assumed, onto a large roof top terrace, furnished with even more rustic, wooden, and probably handmade tables and chairs, and, as cliché as it sounded, a beautiful hot tub. It was built into a frame, reminding you of a Viking ship, with a set of carved stairs leading up to it, probably so that Ivar had an easier time to get in and out of it, without requiring any help.

 “Alright, I admit, not so humble.” Ivar chuckled. “It was a present from my father when I started to officially work in the company. He had his friend Floki and his wife Helga design and build this whole thing.”

 That made you turn around to him once more. You knew these names.

“The Floki and Helga?” you swallowed.

 Floki and Helga were very, very famous, highly awarded architects and designers, often hired to design important landmarks and museums. Houses planned by them costing up to a hundred million kronas. They were famous for being able to combine the traditional aesthetics of their ancestors with the modern designs of this century, creating masterpieces that were rewarded all over the world. Now, looking around Ivar’s loft once more, it seemed obvious that this was their handy work.

 “Yes, The Floki and Helga.” Ivar chuckled. “The two of them almost raised me when I was a kid. With my parents busy all the time and me being bound to.. this.” He gestured at is chair. “Floki made all the wooden furniture himself. I am very lucky.”

 “Indeed you are.” You shook your head, unable to believe what you had just heard.

 Obviously, he had been raised by the two of them. Obviously, they had made his home for him, being like family to him, and being friends of his father, the most powerful businessman in Norway, and probably even all of Europe.

By now, you wouldn’t even question, if Ivar casually told you that he was descended from Odin.

 Ivar just shrugged at your words, although the expression on his face was a mixture of amused and pride. He bent down to slip out of his shoes, before moving his wheelchair over to a spot next to the door, where another wheelchair was waiting for him, this one looking a bit different, similar to the ones used by disabled athletes. Easier to navigate and probably a bit more comfortable. Ivar heaved himself up from his chair, navigating himself into the other one, a sigh leaving his lips.

 “I don’t fancy the dirt from the streets in my home.” He explained at your confused face, before he pushed himself towards you.

Oh yes, that made sense. Just as both of you had taken off your shoes, it would only be logical for him to also ‘change wheels’.

 A faint smile was on his lips, as he looked up and into your face, his expression soft and open, something you were not quite used to from him. His body language was relaxed too, his arms simply resting in his lap, as his head was once again tilted slightly.

He was truly a beautiful man, you had to admit. It was difficult to ignore, and sometimes you caught yourself staring in meetings, hoping that no one had noticed how your eyes had been practically glued to your boss. Solveig had made fun of you even more, when you had told her about it.

 “I think I’m going to start to cook now, before we starve to death. So, sit down, get comfortable.” He winked at you, before moving his chair towards the kitchen, in the process letting the wheelchair roll a bit, while he pulled his long hair into a tight bun at the back of his head. “Or would you like to help?” he looked back at you with a raised eyebrow, looking at you from underneath his long eyelashes. You had to swallow.

 “Well, I am still your personal assistant. So, I will assist you.” You smiled, following him into the kitchen. You hoped that reminding yourself that you were still his employee would calm your nerves.

 “I had hoped you’d say that, dove.” There it was again, that nickname. Your nerves were certainly not calm now.

 Ivar started to pull out pans and a cutting board, gesturing at the fridge for you to take out certain ingredients and washing them in the sink.

 You were not entirely sure what he was going to make, but you were positively surprised that his fridge and his whole pantry was stocked very well. You had to admit, you had taken him for one of those bachelors who had never touched their kitchen in their lives, and with all the money they had always ate out.

 But, as Ivar casually explained while you were preparing food, he enjoyed cooking for himself, and did so almost every evening.

While you were washing some vegetables, and he was skilfully cutting up an onion, he casually told you about the cooking schools he had visited when he was younger, and about the occasional dinner parties he threw for his close friends and family, where he cooked up five course meals for them all by himself. He moved around his kitchen as if he knew every millimetre of it, knowing the layout like the back of his hand.

 You enjoyed this far too much. You rarely saw Ivar this casual, only on business trips when he was not in the mood to talk about work anymore. And though you did not like to admit it, you were keen to know more about his personal life, to know more about the man behind the name Lothbrok.

 It was nice to see him here, in his home. He seemed so at ease, so open, the usual anger and annoyance he often seemed to carry around with himself in day-to-day life completely absent in this moment. This was his space, where he did not have to worry, to think about what upset him.

 This flat truly seemed to be his place, and his place alone. His kingdom far from the influence of other people. Here he was himself, independent of everyone else, everything built in a way that he did not need help from other people.

 Whatever else would come of tonight, you were just happy that you could witness this. You would see Ivar differently now, you knew. And would probably fall even more for him.

 You noticed it getting a bit darker out, and a quick look at your phone told you that it was already half past nine PM. It had not seemed that long, getting to Ivar’s home and starting to cook, as you had not even finished the preparation for cooking yet, but frankly, you didn’t even mind. The setting sun tinted the whole apartment in a magical, golden light, making it look even more beautiful and magical. Ivar’s face turned away from his work for a moment, his blue eyes wandering over the horizon, where the sky was slowly tinted in orange, pink and purple. A faint smile appeared on his face, before he returned his attention to the food.

 Absently minded you put your phone on the kitchen isle, before you grabbed a jar of mixed spices, which Ivar had instructed you to get for him while he was still cutting up vegetables. You read the label, not surprised that he had not purchased them in Norway, but in Spain, turning around, eyes still on the jar. Thus, you only noticed too late that Ivar was right behind you, his chair almost inaudible on the marble floor.

 With a slightly embarrassing yelp escaping your throat, you lost balance, tripping over Ivar’s wheelchair, falling over and landing straight in his lap. His strong arms were suddenly around you to keep you from completely falling to the floor, and your face probably had taken on a crimson shade.

 “Careful there, dove. I’m usually not that hard to miss.” He smirked, to your surprise not even remotely angry with you.

 You had once, in your third month at the Lothbrok Corporation, seen a small clerk run into him in the office, who had been a bit late and had not really paid attention. After Ivar had yelled at him for good twenty minutes, he had never been heard of again.

 “Gods, I’m so sorry, I..” but you stopped, swallowing, not knowing what to say. You tried to get up, the jar of spices still in your hand, but Ivar’s strong grip around you firmly held you in place.

 The man tilted his head, eye flickering to the glass container you were holding. He let go of you with one of his arms, while the other one was still around you, taking the jar from your hands and placing it on the counter next to him. His blue eyes mustered you once more. Your heart was pounding. In the light of the setting sun he looked even more handsome than he had already.

 “I have told you, that you look good today, right?” he asked, his voice low. His hand had returned to hold you again, and you noticed his fingers carefully caressing your back, which sent a shiver up your spine.

 Your mind was racing, as was your heart.

You could not but stare into his piercing blue eyes, not sure what to say, how to respond to him right now, or if you should say anything at all. You were unable to think even one coherent thought, as you felt his strong arms around you, his firm body below you, and his hot breath against you skin.. wait. When had he gotten this close to you?

 Before you could really comprehend what was happening, you suddenly felt Ivar’s lips against yours, not firm, but soft, almost shily moving against yours. In that moment, it was as if your mind just gave up, and turned itself off.

[themollyjay]

The Myths of Forced Diversity and Virtue Signaling.

In my novel Mail Order Bride, the three main characters are a lesbian and two agendered aliens.  In my novel Scatter, the main character is a lesbian, the love interest is a pansexual alien, and the major side characters include a half Cuban, half black Dominican lesbian, a Chinese Dragon, a New York born Jewish Dragon, and a Transgender Welsh Dragon.  In my novel The Master of Puppets, the Main Characters are a lesbian shapeshifting reptilian alien cyborg and a half black, half Japanese lesbian.  The major side characters include three gender fluid shapeshifting reptilian alien cyborgs, and a pansexual human.  In my novel Transistor, the main character is a Trans Lesbian, the love interest is a Half human/Half Angel non-observant Ethiopian Jew, and the major side characters include a Transgender Welsh Dragon (the same one from Scatter), a Transgender woman, a Latino Lesbian, an autistic man, three Middle Eastern Arch Angels, and a hive mind AI with literally hundreds of genders.  In my novel The Inevitable singularity, one of the main characters is a lesbian, another has a less clearly defined sexuality but she is definitely in love with the lesbian, and the third is functionally asexual due to a vow of chastity she takes very seriously.  The major side characters include a straight guy from a social class similar to the Dalit (commonly known as untouchables) in India, a bisexual woman, a man who is from a race of genetically modified human/frog hybrids, and a woman from a race of genetically modified humans who are bred and sold as indentured sex workers.

Why am I bringing all of this up?  Well, first, because it’s kind of cool to look at the list of different characters I’ve created, but mostly because it connects to what I want to talk about today, which should be obvious from the title of the essay.  The concepts of ‘forced diversity’ and ‘virtue signaling’.

For those who aren’t familiar with these terms, they’re very closely related concepts.  ‘Forced Diversity’ is the idea that characters who aren’t neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white males are only ever included in a story because of outside pressure from some group (usually called Social Justice Warriors, or The Woke Brigade or something similar) to meet some nebulous political agenda.  The caveat to this is, of course, that you can have a women/women present as long as they are hot, don’t make any major contributions to the resolution of the plot, and the hero/heroes get to fuck them before the end of the story. ‘Virtue Signaling’, according to Wikipedia, is a pejorative neologism for the expression of a disingenuous moral viewpoint with the intent of communicating good character.

The basic argument is that Forced Diversity is a form of virtue signaling.  That no one would ever write characters who aren’t neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white males because they want to.  They only do it to please the evil SJW’s who are somehow both so powerful that they force everybody to conform to their desires, yet so irrelevant that catering to them dooms any creative project to financial failure via the infamous ‘go woke, go broke’ rule.

What the people who push this idea of Forced Diversity tend to forget is that we exist at a point in time when creators actually have more creative freedom than are any other people in history.  Comic writers can throw up a website and publish their work as a webcomic without having to go through Marvel, DC or one of the other big names, or get a place in the dying realm of the news paper comics page.  Novelists can self-publish with fairly little upfront costs, musicians can use places like YouTube and Soundcloud to get their work out without having to worry about music publishers.  Artists can hock their work on twitter and tumblr and a dozen other places. Podcasts are relatively cheap to make, which has opened up a resurgence in audio dramas.  Even the barrier to entry for live action drama is ridiculously low.

So, in a world where creators have more freedom than ever before, why would they choose to people their stories with characters they don’t want there?  The answer, of course, is that they wouldn’t.  Authors, comic creators, indie film creators and so on aren’t putting diverse characters into their stories because they are being forced to. They’re putting diverse characters into their stories because they want to.  Creators want to tell stories about someone other than the generically handsome hypermasculine cisgendered heterosexual white males that have been the protagonists of so many stories over the years that we’ve choking on it. A lot of times, creators want to tell stories about people like themselves.  Black creators want to tell stories about the black experience. Queer creators want to tell stories about the queer experience.

I’m an autistic, mentally ill trans feminine abuse survivor.  Every day, I get up and I struggle with PTSD, with an eating disorder, with severe body dysmorphia, with anxiety and depression and just the reality of being autistic and transgender.  I deal with the fact that the religious community I grew up in views me as an abomination, and genuinely believes I’m going to spend eternity burning in hell.  I deal with the fact that people I’ve known for decades, even members of my own family, regularly vote for politician who publicly state that they want to strip me of my civil rights because I’m queer.  I’m part of a community that experiences a disproportionately high murder and suicide rate.  I’ve spent multiple years of my life deep in suicidal depression, and to this day, I still don’t trust myself around guns.

As a creator, I want to talk about those issues.  I want to deal with my life experiences.  I want to create characters that embody and express aspects of my lived experience and my day-to-day reality.  No one is forcing me to put diversity into my books.  I try to include Jewish characters as often as I can because there have been a number of important Jewish people in my life.  I include queer people because I’m queer and the vast majority of friends I interact with on a regular basis are queer.  I include people with mental illnesses and trauma because I am mentally ill and have trauma, and I know a lot of people with mental illnesses and trauma.  My work may be full of fantastical elements, aliens and dragons and angels and superheroes and magic and ultra-high technology and AI’s and talking cats and robot dogs and shape shifters and telepaths and all sorts of other things, but at the core of the stories is my own lived experience, and neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white males are vanishingly rare in that experience.

Now, I can hear the comments already.  The ‘okay, maybe that’s true for individual creators, but what about corporate artwork?’.   Maybe not in those exact words, but you get the idea.

The thought here is that corporations are bowing to social pressure to include characters who aren’t neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white males, and that is somehow bad. But here’s the thing. Corporations are going to chase the dollars.  They aren’t bowing to social pressure.  There’s no one holding a gun to some executive’s head saying, “You must have this many diversity tokens in every script.”  What is happening is that corporations are starting to clue into the fact that people who aren’t neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white males have money.  They are putting black characters in their shows and movies because black people watch shows and spend money on movies.  They are putting queer people in shows and movies because queer people watch shows and spend money on movies.  They are putting women in shows and movies because women watch shows and spend money on movies.

No one is forcing these companies to do this.  They are choosing to do it, the same way individual creators are choosing to do it.  In the companies’ cases the choices are made for different reasons.  It’s not because they are necessarily passionate about telling stories about a particular experience, but because they want to create art to be consumed by the largest audience possible, which means that they have to expand their audience beyond the neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white male by including characters from outside of that demographic.

And the reality is, the cries of ‘forced diversity’ and ‘virtue signaling’ almost always come from within that demographic.  Note the almost.  There are a scattering of individuals from outside that demographic which do subscribe to the ‘forced diversity’ and ‘virtue signaling’ myths, but that is a whole other essay.  However, within that demographic, lot of the people who cry about ‘forced diversity’ see media and content as a Zero-Sum game.  The more that’s created for other people, the less that is created for them.

In a way, they’re right. There are only so many slots for TV shows each week, there are only so many theaters, only so much space on comic bookshelves and so on.  But at the end of the day, its literally impossible for them to consume all the content that’s being produced anyway.  So, while there is, theoretically less content for them to consume, as a practical matter it’s a bit like someone who is a meat eater going to a buffet with two hundred items, and then throwing a tantrum because five of the items happen to be vegan.

The worst part is, if they could let go of how wound up they are about the ‘forced diversity’ and ‘virtue signaling’ they could probably enjoy the content that’s produced for people other than them.  I mean, I’m a pasty ass white girl, and I loved Black Panther.

So, to wrap out, creators, make what you want to make, and ignore anyone who cries about forced diversity or virtue signaling.  And to people who are complaining about forced diversity and virtue signaling, I want to go back to the buffet metaphor.  You need to relax.  Even if there are a few vegan options on the buffet, you can still get your medium rare steak, or your chicken teriyaki or whatever it is you want.  Or, maybe, just maybe, you could give the falafel a try. That shit is delicious.

[irhinoceri]

I've been watching Under the Banner of Heaven simply because it stars Andrew Garfield, but I am extremely underwhelmed by it... no, it's more like... I'm offput.

I am not someone who generally enjoys true crime shows, whether it's documentaries or dramatizations, so there's that. This may just be my general ish with that genre coming through.

But when I saw the project on Garfield's IMDb in upcoming projects I of course went to wikipedia to see what it was about, which lead to me reading the pertinent entries. You could say I "spoiled" myself. But if something is a historical event and the characters are based on real people, I don't think that spoilers should be an issue whatsoever.

And that's why it's rubbing me wrong. Three episodes in and it's unfolding super slow like a thriller, a whodunnit. And what's the point of doing all that when the identity of the killers and the outcome of the trial is a known fact? Feels cheap and weird. I'd rather they be up front about who did it.

In fact, that's what the book did. I read a sample of the ebook available through Libby, which gave about the first 100 pages of the book, and it starts out with the facts and then goes on to dive into the details and the history. And one of the things stated early on in the book is that Allan Lafferty accused his brother Ron of killing Brenda right away and that it took one night of questioning for the police to believe him and go after Ron. But the TV show has days passing and Allan is portrayed having multiple separate long stupid rambling conversations about Mormon history with the police Detective all without ever actually saying who he thinks killed his wife and baby. And I guess that's because they want to capture the history aspect of the book in a way that feels organic to the situation, but it's not working. Every time we're on a long tangent about Joseph Smith I'm like.... how is this helping? It makes Allan look like someone who doesn't actually want his brother to be arrested for murdering his wife and child and that's pretty shitty thing to do in the name of dramatic tension or suspense or whatever.

The other thing that rubs me all kinds of wrong is that Garfield is playing a fictional character, Officer Jeb Pyre, and as he is the top billed actor and such, it's strange. This is a story about a horrific murder that happened within a family and the main character is a fake cop. There's a lot of screen time devoted to Jeb Pyre's family life, and once I realized that he was not a real historical figure I was like "The fuck?" Why are we spending all this time on these made up characters when it's a true crime story?

I wonder if Jeb Pyre and his family and everything happening with them separate from the Laffertys is just a shorthand way to try to portray what a normal mainstream modern Mormon family in the 80s was like, to contrast with the Laffertys. Which is fine, I guess, though it feels more to me like the people writing the show can't conceive of a crime story that doesn't star a cop and they find their cop OC more interesting than the real people involved.

[legionofpotatoes]

we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here