#fuck ubisoft

[ramen2233]

Happy 29th Anniversary Rayman, your company hates you

[feralportalmaster]

So no more seasons?

[splosh-crime]

7 Ways the Assassins are Unsubtle as Fuck

The Assassin Brotherhood’s whole “hide in plain sight” thing seems to be enforced only in the (very) short-term. Here be the receipts:

Distinctive beaked hood that makes it way easier to identify you as an Assassin

Distinctive white robes that make stealth, blending with crowds, preventing civilian casualties, & cleanup post-murder way more difficult than it needs to be. Yes, I know Altaïr used it to blend in with scholars. That’s not applicable in most places anymore. I don’t care if it’s to show off your skill or pay homage to Altaïr, that’s not your fucking job when innocents could get caught in the line of fire if you’re caught.

Putting the Brotherhood’s symbol on everything from secret entrances to hidden blades to giant belt buckles to their skin to a 4-foot giant symbol on the front entrance of Monteriggioni

0 attempts to hide your identity while killing beyond wearing a hood. No mask, no codenames, no nothing. Not even the modern assassins had Desmond wear a mask in public. A medical mask would even blend in if he fakes a cough. Being noticeable in an average way even contributes to covers by distracting from actions according to former CIA Chief of Disguise Jonna Mendez.

Cutting off your ring finger gives you a permanent and hard-to-hide feature identifying you as an Assassin, adds unnecessary difficulty to daily free-running/parkour, may distract you with chronic pain during deadly missions, and fatal infection from the initial injury had a high probability for thousands of years. In addition, should an Assassin wish to retire or leave the Brotherhood, they could still be kidnapped, tortured, enslaved, or murdered upon being identified by their finger amputation; making it that much more difficult to leave this cult. Not to mention that this tradition started because Bayek was a dumbass and put the first Hidden Blade on wrong (and didn’t test it), accidentally amputating his finger on the job. When he started the Hidden Ones, recruits started imitating him to show their commitment despite his protests. It’s implied that he respected their choice once they explained but that doesn’t mean I have to. /hj

I get that this probably wasn’t standard practice and that Hytham (not Haytham Kenway, fuck Ubisoft) was probably just a bout of teenage dumbassery but telling an ally you just met exactly who you are, what you do, your creed, practices, and sacred traditional free fall without her even expressing interest in joining the Brotherhood is really dumb. Basim was just as bad since he gave Eivor a hidden blade and trained her in its use but given he’s not very loyal to the Brotherhood and was trying to manipulate Sigurd, that’s not super surprising. The ally in question is Eivor “Wolf-Kissed” Varinsdottir, for anyone who hasn’t played Valhalla, by the way.

Masyaf Castle & Village gets an honorable mention because, though it is a monument to the Assassins’ stealth abilities (lackthereof), they’re vulnerable whether they’re spread out or concentrated so they might as well pick the devil they know (by knowing/countering their most obvious weakness) and get some socialization, comfort, and money while they’re at it.

I seriously need someone to mention at least one of these unsubtlties in a fic. Personally, I’d nominate Clay Kaczmarek, Shaun Hastings, or a reformed Haytham Kenway as candidates for leading a reform (or just being sassy about this) but if you have a better idea or an addition to the list, please let me know. All my posts double as invitations for discussion.

[teecupangel]

Ubisoft is shutting down it's studio due to poor sales. You go woke then you go broke.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lBT0zRoGMmQ&pp=ygUHVWJpc29mdA%3D%3D

I mean...

The studios in question aren't even one of their main studios, as far as I know. This is another move of 'asshole company laying off smaller studios' rather than a dead canary in the mines.

Yes, Ubisoft's profits are down and such but it will take a few more hits for them to go down to the depths of bankruptcy.

Light the beacon when Ubisoft Quebec or Ubisoft Montreal shuts down. That's when Ubisoft's destruction is truly inevitable.

Also, Tencent is a shareholder of Ubisoft's parent company so, like, even if Ubisoft fucks up soooo badly, sugar daddy Tencent would either flat out buy them out or buy more shares in exchange for financial support.

Also, Ubisoft isn't going under because of woke.

This is the consequences of their managerial choices, including saying the wrong things that didn't really help their public image.

Nonny. This is the company that released an NFT game late last year. They've been making bad managerial decisions for a while now and it's not because of woke.

It's because of greed.

[thermalprinter]

Captain Laserhawk is weirdly accurate to how Ubisoft treats their games and fans, and I find that so ironic

[nipotazzi]

And with this, Ubisoft has officially reached rock bottom.

EVERY

SINGLE

THING

FROM THIS

VIDEO WAS

AI GENERATED.

THEY PRESENTED THIS at the GDC for the game's 10 year anniversary, with 0 gameplay footage. This is the game's official trailer.

Stop buying anything from them.

[helphelpquesohelado]

Rosalina Headcanons!

Rosalina Headcanons 🙂

Rosalina’s dad looks like Orion from the Mario+Rabbids games.

Rosalina still has the crown, stuffed bunny, and other things that she had when she was a kid

Rosalina Grows an Inch Every Universal Reset. (Probably gonna become an eldritch monstrosity at the end of time)

She Struggles with memory, such as her childhood and stuff and struggles to remember what her parents actually looked like (lots of mental anguish lol) 

She got a bad case a Parentification when she was a kid (like, she took the role of being the mother for a bazillion lumas dawg)

Immortality (outlived her parents and brother when she was still a kid there for having to learn how to cook, clean, etc. )

Rabbid Rosalina reminds her of when she was a child. 

An absolute mental mess after the events of Mario + Rabbids sparks of hope

Thinks of the creations of Cursa as her own children (therefore loads of guilt over how she had mistreated them over he possessed state + said creations generally recognizing rose as the “mother” of sorts.

Mario had invited her to one of his usual activities such as golf and stuff. Rosalina is not used to socialization as she lives far away from civilization like a hermit, the company she is used to is her kids lol.

“Socialization? What's that?”

Rosalina touches grass.mp4

Lubba Was the First Friend Rosalina had ever made by herself.

Lubba also babysits the lumas while she’s away.

Seeing humans is very bizzare after being alone in space for a 100 years.

She starts to feel sad because all her newly found friends are going to die eventually, (tus why she’s in the depths of space). 

Although the one thing she’s really afraid of is causing someone mental anguish or being a bad mother (which she “was” to Cursa's army as Cursa :)

Rosalina sees everything as alive from the luma’s that grew up to be beautiful suns to the rocks, to the grass that grows in death's place. 

+Bonus Lubba Headcannon. He wanted to be a burning bright star one day like the others and had ate tons of starbits, but in his words “I had only gotten old and wide”

[guavagyal]

I just think it's cute how Dani likes to call Jonrón or El Tigre about landmarks & areas in El Este, it's a nice touch of characterization with Dani which makes her seem curious about what's around her. definitely wish you could spend more time with them in the game.

you can even go to Libertad HQ to talk to Clara at certain points in the game's story.

[trooper-is-bored]

When game companies you used to respect just keep getting more scummy and greedy

[luvrsagony]

note to self never buy a brand new ubisoft game for 70 fucking dollars just for a single dlc wave you like. that shit is most likely more broken than your father's cunt when i left him last night

like holy fuck ubisoft you make a mythology game for the mythology autistic and make athena's puzzle rooms impossible because of a single fucking improperly made hitbox.

and your first dlc is a godawful mess that doesn't control.

what the fuck.

[edgepunk]

I think we should be making a bigger fuss about this. I'd also rethink buying any Ubisoft games in the near future.

Full article here

[liqutos]

This is the part where I would give the whole “if buying isn’t owning, piracy isn’t stealing” spiel but i can’t remember the last time I wanted to play a ubisoft game

Either way piracy is completely justified! Buy physical copies of your games whenever possible!

[yogurtverse]

Such powerful and poetic speak for 'Ubisoft won't let us make another Rayman game'

[narcoticwriter]

Look, in any other instance, I'd be peeved by the enhanced ignorance of people upset about the newest Assassin's Creed game as I have the historical context of the setting and books I've read about Yasuke.

However, I'm genuinely more mad that people are being pushed to 'buy' the game in a way that isn't even theirs to begin with. And no one sane is going to spend upwards of $130 for an Ubisoft title. It's just not happening.

Let us not forget that Ubisoft is scum and that you shouldn't buy the game anyway.

[halbdaemon-kite]

Ubisoft exec needs to get comfortable with rampant piracy. :)

Ubisoft exec needs to get comfortable with "Not Having Any Skin"

[guavagyal]

I don't know how some of y'all like Juan Cortez from Far Cry 6, he's like a Yaran, less funny Rick Sanchez who worked for the CIA, KGB, and Mossad (wtf). I avoid that mf as much as I can.

my theory is that he sold out Dani & Clara to sell Viviro after Yara was destabilized. man, if I wrote this story, I'd give the story so much justice & nuance. not that bullshit ending; that shit was like if RDR2 made you think Micah was the good guy lol.