#fuck off and let me enjoy myself online dammit-

[staticymaticyyourlifeisatravesty]

WAIT, they're still popping off on the fucking thing between Zutara and kataang??? Holy fucking shit. Now I personally ship the former, but that's because of actual pacing problems within the show itself, and I'm not here to push my zutara agenda because man, it's just a ship. I dunno why we're treating them like fucking WWII era battleships and not like the cozy little gondola they are-

And don't get me started on the whole 'morally' correct bullshit. I am...appalled by it. But I am also a Dead Dove enjoyer, so guess what? I suck it up. How is the ATLA fandom still so toxic??? Did it get hit by the fandom equivalent of a nuclear meltdown? I mean I shouldn't be surprised one of my fav ships in another fandom got most of itself nuked because of antis. Man I lowkey kinda hate the entire idea of antis because how righteous do you think you are to police another's creativity? Like either you're a child who'll will hopefully grow out of it, or you're an adult with a miserable life who wants others to be just as miserable.

Watching people's reaction to a supposedly new avatar being a dark skinned disabled little girl (she has a prosthetic leg) has just reaffirmed my belief that ATLA/LOK fandom is pure cancer and needs to be eradicated. Right now. Literally the same franchise that gave us fucking Toph. What level of hypocrisy is this.

[hoonvrs]

SANDY CHEEKS — y. jungwon

req for 1k event!

PROMPT playing in a playground with jungwon ( based on his video )

PAIRING jungwon x gnr

GENRE est. relationship, comfort, fluff

WARNINGS the words fuck and ass appear once

W. COUNT 0.4k

S. NOTE his video <//3 the title is so goofy omfg

walks along the han river at ungodly hours wasn’t new to you, courtesy of yang jungwon. 

sure you’d stay up until the sun is almost rising, but actually leaving your house was never even an option because, why would you ever consider leaving your warm bed for the harsh cold wind? 

until yang jungwon became your boyfriend.

your boyfriend who seems to love walks along rivers past 1am where the moon hangs idly in the sky, preferring to walk along the streets without having them filled with people — or worse, kids.

now, relaxing in your bed as you read online was a thing of the past. slowly finding yourself unconsciously preparing an outfit suitable for the weather outside for when you inevitably receive that ‘be ready in 20, were going on a walk!’ text from jungwon.

you didn’t necessarily hate the walks themselves, it was the cold. good thing you had your boyfriend there to warm you, “babe look! they have a park!”

you followed behind, not like you had much choice when you’re intertwined hands were tucked safely in his jacket pocket forcing you to go after him. sure enough, there was a playground, nothing especially different from the parks that were near your apartment except one thing. 

no kids. 

“they have a zipline i'm going to piss myself,” jungwon screamed, wasting no time to separate your hands and leave you in the dust.

you huffed under your breath, it's hard to complain about the sudden lack of warmth when you have your boyfriend climbing up the kiddie ladder to position himself high with the biggest smile on his face, “why can't you say you’re excited like a normal person?”

“because it's not as eloquent,” and maybe the effects of being on a playground took a toll on his brain because he blew a fucking raspberry at you. like, full spit and sound, “film me!”

“okay, you overgrown child,” you said, pulling out your phone to start recording him not expecting much. 

maybe, you both should have taken into consideration that you were both adults in a children’s playground, so it shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise when jungwon jumped off of the mini tower with the rope between his legs to only make it half the way before his feet buried themselves into the sand — effectively throwing your boyfriend down flat onto the ground.

he got up with a wince on his face, patting his pants down as you began doubling over in laughter on the ground unable to hear him whining over yourself, “i think i got some sand in my ass.” that only made you laugh louder, feeling tears ready to fall at any minute, “happy to see you enjoy my misery.”

“aww, don’t sulk sandy cheeks, let's go home,” you patted his shoulder, walking off towards the pavement leaving him whining behind you.

“hey! don’t call me that!”

perm taglist @mesopret @whoschr ​@haknom @shinsou-rii @redm4ri @lacimolela @llama-lyna @boyfhee @lazysmushi @flwoie @kocokookie @kyexvly @seongclb @dammit-jjk @flwrshee @produmads ​@teddywonss @aleiouvre @dneltrise @aleiouvre @nyxvrse @yohanabanana

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

More Than You Bargained For: The Party Timestamp

Summary: Jensen’s not too excited to be going to a party with the reader but she ends up making his night in another way...

Masterlist

Pairing: Ex-Bodyguard!Jensen x reader

Word Count: 2,400ish

Warnings: language

“Do I have to go?” groaned Jensen. He stood by the bottom of the stairs with a pout on his face, Jared snickering from the hall. “Shut it, Padalecki or I’ll make you go as her date.”

“Sorry but you are officially on bodyguard duty, Mr. Ackles. I got a hot date myself tonight,” said Jared. You sighed as you stepped down the stairs, Jensen smiling up at you. “Would you look at that? She’s not the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Kiss my ass, Jared,” you said with a smile.

“You look very beautiful,” said Jared.

“Gen picked it out,” you said with a wink. “Speaking of which, get out of here on your romantic weekend away. We got it from here.”

“Alright, I’m gone,” he said. “Call me in an emergency.”

“Goodnight, Jared,” said Jensen.

“Have fun guys,” said Jared, heading down the hall and out the front door. You smiled as you stood on the last step, fixing Jensen’s bowtie, giggling when he started to cross his eyes.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“Do I have to?” he whined again. “I’ll give you all the sex and brownies you want? You like both of those things.”

“I do like both those things a lot, but I need a date and my other husband wasn’t available,” you teased.

“Had to marry a fucking famous person didn’t I,” he sighed. “Spoiled brat.”

“Asshole bodyguard,” you said, leaning up as he came down for a kiss. “I won’t tell anyone you’re actually sweeter than molasses.”

“Only if I don’t let it slip that you’re the hardest working, most amazing and kind person I’ve ever met and that your favorite fancy store is Target,” he said.

“I fucking love the shit out of that store,” you said.

“I know. You were there for three hours on Sunday. Toothpaste. I asked for one tube of toothpaste. You came home with three shirts, two throw pillows, a cookbook and a coffee mug. Oh, and no toothpaste,” he said, flashing you a smile.

“I went back and got it,” you said with a laugh. “What’s up with you? You’re extra nervous tonight. This isn’t the first time you’ve ever gone with me to an event.”

“S’first time since I was gone…” he said, glancing down at his wrist, a faded thin scar over the top of it. “I’m not the bodyguard anymore. I’m your husband. Your previously kidnapped husband. There’s going to be attention on me whether I want it or not.”

“I know,” you said softly. “All you have to do is stand there, smile and get your picture taken for two seconds. Alex will get you out of there and into the party like that, I promise. We already went over it.”

“Who’s going to be with you then?” he said.

“Jensen. I’ll be fine on my own for a little while. You being comfortable is what’s important to me,” you said. “Plus you know I can kick ass, even in heels.”

“Alright,” he said. You finished with his tie, smoothing out his jacket before you stepped onto the ground and into your heels. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” you said. You walked with him to the front door, spinning around and holding up a finger.

“Forget something?” he asked.

“Yup,” you said, opening your clutch and pulling out a strip of fabric.

“Whatcha doin’?” he asked.

“Trust me?” you asked. He nodded and you tied it over his eyes, Jensen smiling when you finished. “All set?”

“Sure...what are you up to?” he teased.

“Covert mission. Like some special ops level stuff. Don’t worry about it,” you said, grabbing his hand.

“Oh, do you get to be my bodyguard? I think I like that game,” he said, chuckling as you pulled him outside. “Dammit. Part of me really wishes you were going to drag me upstairs and have your way with me.”

“Don’t you worry, I’ll be sure to do that later on,” you said, kissing his cheek.

“You better,” he said. You got him in the passenger seat before you were off down the road, spotting Jensen touching his face out of the corner of your eye.

“Leave it, Jensen,” you said. “Don’t ruin the surprise.”

“I don’t like not knowing where we’re going,” he said.

“We’re going to the party,” you said. “There’s going to be a surprise when we get there. Can you keep it on for me, please?”

“Mhm,” he said. When you were stopped at a light, you reached over and held his hand, Jensen humming to himself.

About fifteen minutes later you pulled into a parking spot, helping Jensen out as you saw his ears perk up.

“No, no. No bodyguard mode, just enjoy the surprise,” you said.

“Fine,” he grumbled. He let you hold his arm as you led him into a building and down a hall, his head unable to help but turn and try to figure it out. You put him at a stop outside the room, leaning up to give him a kiss. “Alright, I think I could get use to this if you keep that up.”

“Down boy,” you laughed. “Alright, alright. I know you’re getting antsy.”

You reached up and undid his blindfold, Jensen looking around.

“Snuck me in the back to the party?” he teased. “I thought you wanted to show off your smokin’ hot husband.”

“Oh? Now he’s cocky,” you said. “I figured you’d like this better.”

“A little. I knew what I was getting into though when I married you. I can be the center of attention a little bit for you,” he said.

“I’m glad,” you said, more than glad he just assumed you were at another event and not actually in the back of his favorite restaurant. “Let’s head on in then.”

You smiled as he held your hand and you went for the pair of double doors leading to the event room you’d rented out.

“Happy birthday!” he was greeted with the second you opened the doors. He opened his mouth a few times before he spun to look at you, shaking his head.

“I knew you were being sneaky!” he said, biting his bottom lip. “I should have known.”

“You have no idea how hard it is to plan a surprise birthday party for you,” you said. “And actually surprise you.”

“There was definitely some covert ops going on,” said Jared, Gen right by his side. “We had a little help though.”

Jensen turned and saw a group of guys heading for him, his face in a big smile.

“No way! I thought you guys were overseas and-“

“And when your little wifey got a hold of us, of course we came. Not like we missed the wedding or any of the other shit that’s happened since,” said Mark.

“Did you really get stabbed by a serial killer?” asked Jason.

“I’m more curious how that sweet girl took the freak down and saved Ackles’ ass,” said Lyle.

“Oh? Is that what everyone thinks happen?” asked Jensen, cocking his head at you.

“S’what I remember,” you said with a smile.

“Of course it is,” he teased.

“Go, catch up with your friends,” you said, pushing him towards his special ops buddies, some of his teacher friends joining in. “I know it’s been a while, honey.”

“Thanks, Y/N.”

“So...should I be expecting this elaborate of a birthday party for myself?” asked Alex after you’d left Jensen’s parents somewhere by the food table.

“I’ll buy ya a happy meal at the drive thru if you get me an extra week off work,” you said. He chuckled, smirking as you both watched Jensen on the other side of the room. “Do you think he was actually surprised?”

“I think throwing him a surprise party two months after his birthday certainly threw him off. Hard to surprise a guy like that,” said Alex.

“Think he’s noticed I’m not drinking yet?” you asked, giving Alex a shy smile.

“He probably thinks you’re just being a good DD. When you going to tell him?” he asked.

“When we get home,” you said. “Think you’re ready to be an Uncle?”

“Eh, I dealt with your whiney little butt and Jensen. How hard’s a baby?” he said.

“Still dealing with my whiney little butt,” you said, leaning back in your chair.

“You never whined,” he said after a moment. You turned your head, Alex not looking at you. “You were just...afraid. Of a lot. Then you were just lonely and you chose a career that’s extremely lonely and why do you think I came to be your manager? To watch your back.”

“Dad told me that once,” you said quietly. “We had a fight over something stupid, you and me. I think I called him to vent and he revealed to me that you just said one day you were going to finish your degree online and be my manager and that was it. He told me to remember that whenever you drove me nuts.”

“Like when I tricked you into a bodyguard?” he teased. “Bet you love that decision now.”

“It made me feel small again,” you said, his face finding yours. “Jensen sort of terrified me he was so...he had me memorize like a hundred rules. I couldn’t get any privacy, it felt like he was watching me all the time...but his job was to do those things, not because he or anyone else wanted to control me. He was just keeping me safe.”

“On the bright side, he’s like a ball of fluff under the hard shell,” he said.

“Ain’t so hard nowadays. Someone else was a little lonely too,” you said. Jensen gave you a wave as he walked over before curling his finger at you.

“Mind if I steal this one?” asked Jensen, holding out a hand for you.

“Nah. I got a fiancé to go find and harass myself,” said Alex.

“I taught him so well,” teased Jensen, pulling you to your feet and over toward a quiet corner. “I haven’t seen you much tonight, my buddies have been hogging me. Must be what it feels like to be you.”

“Jens,” you said.

“Walk with me?” he asked. You hummed and followed him outside, finding yourselves out on the sidewalk, his pace slow. “So...something you want to tell me?”

“Seriously? How do you always do that? I bet the freaking doctors office gave it away. I swore I told them not to tell dad anything until I-“

“Dad?” he said, stopping in his tracks. You went wide eyed, a smile creeping onto his face. “Are...am I going to be a dad?”

“I bought cute little boots and everything to surprise you when we got home,” you said with a nod, Jensen throwing his arms around you. “Yeah, you’re a dad. Even if I totally ruined my own surprise.”

“A baby…” he said, smiling at your stomach. “Okay, I will admit I was surprised by the party and suspected you were planning something else tonight but this one takes the cake. How long have you known?”

“I found out earlier this week. I thought I was working too hard and that’s why I was late and then I remembered what we did on your actual birthday and...you did say you had a good feeling on it after all,” you said.

“Baby,” he said, tentatively reaching his hand out, your own grabbing it and giggling as he rested it against your stomach. “We made a baby.”

“Yeah, we did,” you said. “Are you happy?”

“More than,” he said back, running his thumb over your dress. “It’s just funny is all.”

“What is?” you asked.

“This is going to be the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life, which is saying something, but I can’t wait,” he said.

“You know I’m glad my brother hired a psychopath. Never would have found you,” you said.

“I can just hear you telling the story of how mom and dad met to this kid someday,” he laughed. “They’ll never believe it.”

“That’s a long ways away,” you said.

“Thank you, honey,” he said, pulling you into another hug. “I feel normal. You made me feel so normal again after everything that happened in my life.”

“Our lives are so not normal,” you said.

“Maybe they aren’t but you are and I am and we’re going to have a baby that has two good parents,” he said.

“Jensen?” you asked. He hummed, lightly spinning you around. “You want to go tell your family the good news?”

“In a minute. I want to remember this next time I have a not so great day,” he said.

“Okay, sweetie...Jens, there is another surprise actually,” you said, ducking your head down.

“What?” he asked, looking back but you turned his face to you.

“I had an ultrasound, it was eight weeks and all so…” you said.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Babies, Jensen. Babies,” you said. He tilted his head, looking down at your stomach.

“Bab...more than...two? Twins? We made…” he said.

“Twins,” you said with a smile. “I’m thinking one of each but it’s still early to be betting.”

“Two babies,” he said, shaking his head with a laugh.

“Actually triplets,” you said, his eyes wide. “I’m just messing with you. It’s twins.”

“You were two seconds away from me having a heart attack,” he said, taking a deep breath. “How the...screw it, we figured it out so far. We can do this too.”

“Well my brother knows but even he doesn’t know it’s twins if you want to one up everybody in there,” you said.

“Definitely,” he said, giving you a kiss. “Love you, princess.”

“Really?” you said, Jensen chuckling as he skirted away and you laughed, trying to throw your shoe at him. “Asshole! You know I hate that.”

“I love you too, princess!”

[spicyfoodboi]

Long distance HCs

Genre: fluff

A hitoshi shinso and katsuki bakugo x reader

A/n: HEY GUYS! been awhile, atm im still in a big writing slump and i just forced myself to write this!! Hopefully you guys still enjoy nonetheless! Lets begin!!

Shinso

He met you online on one of his gaming streams.

You started chatting which led to you guys giving your number to him.

He learnt that you also also wanted to be a hero and took up an offer to a hero academy in the states.

One day, you suggested a skype/facetime/video call (CALL IT WHATEVER GOD DAMMIT!)

It would be wrong if he said he was nervous,

He was fucking TERRIFIED

When he sees your name flashing on his screen along with his custom ringtone, he almost didn't pick up.

Keyword: almost

Once he does pick up, he doesn't know what to say.

Your beauty rendered him speechless.

You could say the same about him.

You break the silence and things started to become more comfortable.

He started gathering the courage to talk to you everyday, even calling you himself!

You started to fall for the boy.

You left this calls on for hours on end, even sleeping on them.

You finally told him your feelings, you finger hovering over the end call button just in case he didn't like you.

He luckily reciprocated his feelings and started a long-distance relationship.

You went home on your one-year anniversary to be exact, and you decided to surprise him.

You went to his school dorms and sat down in the common room.

You called him and showed him around the familiar common room.

His eyes lit up and he ran downstairs.

He practically jumped on you and hugged you tightly.

His head was buried into your neck.

You could feel his tears of joy, your eyes started to water as well.

He pulled away a bit and kissed your lips.

That tightened your bond even more.

Bakugo

Bakugo met you on instagram where he posted your aesthetics

He slid into your DMs and asked an edit for explosions.

You gave it to him.

You started talking to him more and more

Then he accidentally sent you his picture, well, kiri sent the picture

Bakugo pAniCkeD

Before he could even delete the picture, you saved it.

And sent yours.

He fell more in love.

He asks for your number and pUts yOuR nAmE iN yElLow hEaRtS.

You flew back into town. You DMed kiri (since he mentioned him multiple times) and told him to bring bakugo to [insert coffee shop]

When you got there, kiri was facing the door and the ash-blond was facing away from the door.

You placed your hands on his shoulders and smiled

"is there anything else i could get for you?" "fucking get you-"

He was about to throw you off but when he sees you.

He gets up and hugs you tightly.

He took you in his arms and started swinging you around.

"why didn't you tell me? You know what, i don't care. You're already here and i love it! I love you!" he confessed, his cheeks red.

You kiss his lips.

Let's just say you were in for one hell of a vacation.

THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY! sorry i'm not posting much, i've been busy reading with new internet friends! Hopefully you guys like this one! Bye bye~

My rules

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

So, I’m going to put this story out here cause it is bothering me again (guilt galore no other reason) and because I also don’t want that to happen to anyone else. (side note: At first I only spoke about it with my own people because I didn’t feel it was anyone else’s business that I fucked up, but through all these months that have passed since then, I have noticed some fans going for something I tried to do and fucked up big time so I want to give them all some heads up so that you don’t end up being hated by an artist you admire, or an artist that means a lot to you in some way, anyway.)

If you are a visual kei fan you’ve probably noticed by now that compared to other artists in the world, visual kei bands tend to be more personal, even to the point of replying to fan comments regularly or mails etc. Some of them do it to gain traction for their band and others because they genuinely want to develop some sort of communication, away from the stage, with their fans (the latter one is a minority so I never know whether that’s true or not but some of them have proved they have no other motives).

So yeah, one time, one of my favorite rockers was really hurt about something and started talking shit about himself more than usual, and, having been his fan for sometime, I was tired of no one saying something (see this is the thing, I have 0 confidence in myself yet there have been so many times people praised me for being able to calm them down and help them being heard and understood (not only people I knew personally, even strangers online that I only spoke once to in case I saw they were speaking about a problem in a post) that at that point I felt that maybe I could do it now for someone I acually cared for, which was a big mistake). He has hit rock bottom multiple times but dammit, even now, I believe in his talent and what he is all about, because he fucking loves visual kei and I think he deserves better chances so I tried to speak up. I have been learning Japanese for 2 years now but back then it was roughly 1 and a half years so I hadn’t realized that in order to speak Japanese, you don’t only have to translate your words right, but also use the right type of grammar to pass that you are caring for someone and not lecturing. As you might have understood from all this, I tried to tell him that I did care and that I don’t think he is shit and that life is a fuckin train-wreck but also that I really really didn’t want him to give up on life. He was like “There is nth fun about life“ and even though I agreed with that post he had made, I tried to be positive (not too much cause I know how fucking annoying it is when you’re super down and people come to you to say all the fun things about life that you don’t see) and told him that maybe he will find sth in the future and all (like maybe in the future sth you like will pop up). I told him he is not alone cause there are a couple of jrockers he seems to be really close to so I was like hey look, you are close with these guys for many years (or at least for as long as i’ve known him he’s been doing things with these guys) etc. I said many things, okay? And once this was all over, I apologized about any parts that might not make sense cause I didn’t know good Japanese and I was using a translator to help me.

His reply made me understand that, what he had understood from my last phrase was that I was looking down on his ability to understand what people are telling him cause he said “Don’t worry, even I understood what you said.“. I thought maybe it was translated wrong or sth and then he posted an angry tweet, right after replying to me, questioning wtf is fun about life and that if I had an idea what was fun then maybe I should tell him, cause he sees nth like that. I felt like a spear went through my chest and took sometime to think. I reviewed what I sent, I translated again phrase after phrase while crying and trying to find it but I couldn’t so I wrote a long ass apology for intervening with his life and told him I didn’t want to tell him what to do cause every person has their own life and it’s all about “your life your rules“ for me and I only wished to show him he has fans who like him about his work too and that we cared about his well-being and yeah, I said i will never send anything like that again i won’t bother him, maybe send some wish on bdays and stuff, and that i am stupid for speaking without being asked. Anyway he didn’t reply so I rushed to research about dealing with someone that hurts that much (cause I’ve always thought what he is going through is worse than me, which is why I refrained from giving specific examples of what could be fun to try for him). Long story short I found several articles in encyclopedias and not, discussing the fact that apologizing after hurting someone by taking all the blame makes it look like you make it about yourself. That you apologize because you can’t stand not being forgiven. I erased the apology part in a heartbeat. That was mistake no 2. Cause days later he posted about that “my life my rules“ thing and that he had discussed it with his boss who told him that there are times you can’t follow your rules in his opinion cause you have to think of what people might think (obviously that phrase for me doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take other people’s feelings into consideration, I just wanted to point out I am not lecturing cause it’s not my business to tell others what to do but that’s how it seems he received it), and he was thinking about it. From that post and another one he was thinking about it alone, he made it look like he didn’t remember where he saw it so I thought that maybe he read it when I sent it and then the next day, seeing it gone, made him think that maybe he imagined it or sth.

Anyway. On Xmas I sent a Merry Christmas under a Merry Christmas post and he liked it so I was like....are we fine now? Anyway I said nth more. And then months later Corona came up and for several days he wasn’t posting anything which made me worry cause he used to post everyday until then or with a few days break? (i know this sounds like I was stalking and maybe that’s what you call it when you care about someone’s well-being during a pandemic, but I always check a couple out of all my favorites’ twitters more often than the rest, either because they are often talking about suicide like this guy I am talking about, or because I simply enjoy their posts more.agree with what they say more, etc. Other than that I am just scrolling down my feed and like photos, or posts I find okay or that I really like or agree with *shrugs*) Anyway I took the courage to ask if he is okay. If he and his family are okay and said that of course he doesn’t have to reply, I just wondered due to the whole pandemic and I wish he and his own people are safe. He first posted a tweet after that, saying that he knows what game someone is playing and that he is not fucking with tanuki(sly) girls like her so she had better drop it and that he doesn’t need her help and other lovely adjectives about someone who pretends to care in order to sleep with him? What would you take after that? And he also posted two videos which I didn’t even watch but it was to speak about the band I guess or where he is at the moment? I don’t know. I knew I wouldn’t understand so I didn’t bother. I never send anything after that. I spoke about it with my own people and my teacher, though, and my teacher was sooo willing to help me clear the misunderstanding and explain herself that I am still learning and that she knows me and that I’d never try to “pretend I care“ in order to “fuck“ or gain anything else from anyone, but I said no, let him be and that we can’t be liked by everyone. If that is what he got from me then it’s my fault and we should end it there. And I did just that, I let it be.

Today he spoke about visual kei again. He says he will never give up and got me back to the reasons I liked him in the first place. It seems that he went back to the idea that visual kei is fun and his reason to be so, I am glad. I am glad he has sth to hold on to and that he is glad to represent. His bandmates made him an all gold guitar recently too and he seemed ecstatic so this is enough for me. :) But let this be a lesson for you fellow fans out there, especially if you don’t speak the language that even if you care, even if you are trying to be supportive, you can’t guarantee your words will be passed to the other persont the way you intend. Sometimes people receive our words differently and you end up feeling guilty because your “kind words ended up hurting them“. Don’t do that to yourself. Be careful how you approach the artists you love and if it comes off the wrong way and, after hours overthinking what to send and going through one single phrase you sent that came off the opposite way of what you wished, let it go. We are responsible for what we say not what other people understand from them so...be careful. Personally I still feel guilty, even though I understand the mistakes I made now that I know that formal and informal speaking isn’t that easy to define in Japanese without appearing rude but yeah...it’s not easy accepting you tried to help someone you care about or make them smile but ended up hurting them even more. One day I hope I will accept it and stop blaming me for it. The blame is mine yes, but people have to move on. He moved on so I can, too.

[sleeplessphantom]

Blackout (PewDiePie x OC Fanfiction)

Summary: When the power goes out in the flat that Lauren shares with Felix, it ends with them sitting on the living room floor, telling each other how they feel. 

Word Count: 1,516 words

A/N: Hello! This is my first public fanfiction, so please try not to be too brutal in the comments or if you reblog this. Enjoy, and let me know if you want more Felix x Lauren! 

(The outfit Felix is wearing in the GIF is the outfit he’s wearing in this fic.) 

In the flat I shared with Felix, we were the best of friends. We played video games together, we talked about anime, we messed around like your typical pair of best friends. 

However, in my journal, I always expressed how much I want to be more than that. I wanted us to be a thing for so long, but I could never bring myself to tell Felix the truth. Our friends even knew something beyond friendship was there. Felix never showed any interest when it came to a relationship beyond friendship, but Jack always insisted that he felt something between Felix and I whenever we talked over Discord or in real life. 

I was mid-sentence in my latest journal entry when the lights went out. It made me flinch and let out a surprised gasp. “Dammit.” I whispered under my breath. I closed my journal and pen, setting it on the coffee table. I carefully stood up and tried my best to make out was in our living room without lights as I walked to the hallway where Felix’s office was. 

“Felix?” I called out. 

“Lauren?” Felix called out as I heard a door open near me. I moved closer to the voice I heard, before bumping head first into Felix in the process. He stops me from falling backwards by using his hands to grab each of my arms by the middle. I gasped in surprise. 

Something about him holding me feels right. 

“Lauren, are you okay?” Felix asks. 

I feel fantastic. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I reply. 

“Good, let’s find a flashlight or something.”

-Time skip-

The next thing I know I’m in the middle of our living room, sitting in front of a lit, unscented candle, with Felix sitting across from me, looking at the flame in boredom. His legs were crisscrossed, his hands in his lap. 

“Were you working on anything important?” I asked, breaking the silence of the flat. 

Felix looks up at me. “Not really, I was just looking at clothes online.” He responds. “What were you doing?” 

“I was writing in my journal.” I said. 

He chuckles. “I’m not surprised.” He pauses. “What do you write about in there anyway?” 

I jokingly scoffed at him. “That is none of your business good sir.” I said in a sassy tone. 

“Well sorry.” He replies, drawing out the “sorry” in a sassy tone. 

A few minutes later, I began to shiver. It was 8:30 PM in the midst of Fall, and we still had no power, so we didn’t have heat. 

Felix notices my cold shivers and grabs the lit candle from between us, getting up. 

“Hey, where are you going with that?” I asked, crossing my arms in an attempt to be warm. 

“I’m just getting us a blanket, I’ll be right back.” He says, walking towards the hall, leaving me in the pitch-black dark. 

“Felix!” I whined. 

A minute later he comes back with a long, fuzzy blanket in one hand, and the candle in the other. He sets the candle down carefully in front of me, unfolds the blanket away from the candle’s flame, and wraps it around himself. 

My eyebrows knit together as I wonder what he’s doing. 

Suddenly, I don’t have time to think or process what he’s doing. 

Felix sits next to me and scoots me closer to him by wrapping his arms around my waist, throwing the blanket around both our bodies, facing the still-lit candle on the floor. I quietly gulp, feeling instantly warmer. 

Typical best friends do this, right?

“Feeling better?” Felix asks, looking down at me. 

I look up at him, his blue eyes locking with my brown ones. 

“Yes.” I barely say in a whisper.

“Good.” He says with a soft smile, resting his head on my left shoulder.  

After a few seconds of silence and candle watching, I finally say, “Felix, you realize we have more than one blanket in the flat, right?” 

Felix chuckles. “Maybe I didn’t want to get another blanket.” he retorts. 

I can’t stand this tension any longer. I just have to let it all out. 

“Felix, do you really want to know what I write in that journal every day?” I ask, referring to the journal sitting on the coffee table. 

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you-”

“I write about you.” I interrupt. 

That statement stung Felix for a moment. Before chuckling off and saying. “What, like, “Felix is a simp, Felix has a big nose, Felix cries about-”

“I write about how much I’m in love with you.” I said, turning away from the candle so I’m talking to him face to face.

Felix’s smile fades away in shock. He knew this wasn’t another one of my jokes. “What?” 

“We’ve known each other for over three years. Over those three years, I’ve gotten to know a wonderful, handsome, hilarious, amazing, nice guy. Every time I’ve tried to tell you how I feel, it overwhelms me, so I kept it all in a journal. I love you Felix Kjellberg, and I’ve loved you since the day I met you, and I can’t keep putting it on paper any longer.” I said, tears forming in my eyes. 

Felix is taken back by my words. His silence makes me nervous. Were my worst fears correct? Does he not love me back?

He still doesn’t say anything, making me look down at the floor we’re sitting on, about to cry. 

“I love you too Lauren.” 

My head whips up at him. “You do?”

“I never wanted to tell you because I never thought you liked me that way. I always thought within our years of friendship that my feelings would fade away, thinking it was a stupid crush. But you are far from a stupid crush. You are a beautiful, kind, funny girl. You mean everything to me. I mean it Lauren, I love you too.”

I don’t focus on the blackout in this moment. All I can focus on is is him. That face, his blue eyes, his white hair, only him, nothing else. 

Felix brings me out of focus when he puts his hand on my cheek and his lips meet mine. The kiss I’ve been waiting three years for. 

The kiss brings joy to my heart. It puts butterflies in my stomach. It more than anything I could have ever described in my journal. 

Felix slowly pulls away and smiles at me. “Min vackra ängel.” 

I giggle at him. I like it when he speaks in Swedish. “And what does that mean?”

“My beautiful angel.” 

I smile at him, but it suddenly disappears when the wick in the candle runs out, no longer providing light for the flat. I gasp at the sudden darkness. 

Felix pulls me closer to him, my head on his chest. “It’s okay.” He reassures. “Let’s sleep here. It’s getting late and we shouldn’t walk around in the dark.” 

“Okay.” I replied. I got out of the blanket we were wrapped in and laid down on the floor. I can hear Felix carefully getting up, tossing the blanket up so it lays out on me. He carefully lays down under the blanket next to me. I’m facing away from him, so when he wraps his arms around me, he gives multiple small kisses to the back of my head. 

“I love you Lauren, goodnight.” 

“I love you more Felix, goodnight.” 

We both fall asleep. Three years of tension, gone within a night. 

-Third Person POV-

Felix wakes up to sunlight shining through the curtains, the ceiling lights and the lamp by the couch turned on. The power finally came back.

He sits up, yawning and looking around the flat. He sees the burnt-out candle, but more importantly, his girlfriend. His angel. His everything. 

Lauren was still fast asleep on the floor, softly snoring. 

“Så jävla bedårande. (So fucking adorable).” He thought. 

Felix removes the shared blanket from his body, getting up and looking down at Lauren. He smiles as he gently takes the blanket off of her. Then, he carefully picks her up bridal style, making sure not to wake her up as he carries her to his bedroom. He lifts the covers of his bed out of the way, then he carefully sets Lauren down on his bed and covers her with his blankets. Lauren’s head faces the ceiling as Felix kisses her forehead and walks out of his room. 

Felix returns to the living room, cleaning up from last night. He folds up the blanket they used last night and puts it in a nearby chair. He takes the burnt-out candle and throws it in the trash. When he’s done, he sits down and sees Lauren’s journal sitting on the coffee table, unlocked. 

“I write about how much I’m in love with you.” 

Felix picks up the journal, feeling the faux brown leather. He opens it to the first page and begins to read every single thing Lauren loves about Felix. 

Who knew a blackout could get you and the love of your life together? 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #307

“you lie so much, you believe yourself”

How long has it been since you kissed someone? Like, two years or so. What level are you on Farmville? Never played it. What are you looking forward to in the next year? I hope Covid just withers away, dammit. I truly, truly hope this vaccine is effective. And that people start wearing their GODDAMN masks. Do you use a lot of emoticons? Not really nowadays. Would you ever climb a mountain? No. Even if my legs were capable of handling that, I'd be too afraid of an avalanche. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face’s eyes? Colons. When was the last time you swam in a lake? A looooong time ago. If you could have anything right now, what would you want? It'd be great to chill at Sara's house honestly, I miss that. What’s your relationship status? Single and I think finally starting to truly accept I need to be right now. I wouldn't want to date myself in my current position, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to. When was the last time someone asked you your age? On my birthday when I mentioned in group therapy that I was trying to make it an especially good day about myself. When was the last time you danced? Very, very poorly with Sara years ago lmao. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? Someone snatched my arm and yanked me down to look her in the eyes in HS because she was a jealous bitch back then telling lies, but idk if her intention was to actually try to start a physical fight. Are you avoiding someone? No. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What do you have pierced? Just my ears and bottom lip now. :/ I want morrrreeee. I'm forever tilted that so many of my piercings closed when I was hospitalized. What is your favorite dog breed? I find pugs to be very cute, but I do not support their breeding whatsoever so would never buy one. Besides them, I have a definite bias towards beagles. In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Fucking Christ, giant squids. Terrifying. Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or…? No. There are way, way, WAY too many people on this planet for that. What natural disaster scares you the most? Tornados. What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do? Define an "outrageous" career... but I can't visualize myself doing anything very unordinary. In what way would you want to help change the world? I truly hope I can make some considerable amount of contributions to natural conservation and animal education. When driving down the road looking for an address do you turn the radio low? I don't drive, but I know I would, considering I can't concentrate on driving if the radio is on anyway. What do you think of when you look at the stars? How little I and my problems really are. It gives me perspective. If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be? Well, Biden just got into office, so I can't really say yet. We'll see what he does. What Disney princess are you most like? Personality wise, I mean. Uh. I'unno. Maybe Snow White because animals? haha Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest. Do you look into people’s eyes when you talk to them? I try to, anyway, but I tend to find it very uncomfortable, and I never know if I'm offering too little or too much. So I have trouble maintaining it, especially with people I don't know. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Pick one. Trust. What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Hm, that's a deep one. Perhaps the understanding that you are just as important as the next person and that we should work as one to make this one life that we know of worthwhile. Make the world better than when you entered it. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel blue. I just like pastels in general. When's the last time you bought something just because? I don't buy things "just because." If I actually have money to spend, I use it with motivation behind it. What Ozzy lyric describes you best? WHOA NOW HUNNY you are asking the WRONG person because I can just about name his entire discography so there are waaaay too many song lyrics to dig through and pick one for myself. Probably something from "Dreamer," after a short moment's consideration. When was the last time you went for a walk without a specific destination in mind? Not since Sara and I walked down the path near her house. We didn't plan on when we would turn around to go back. Do you daydream? Only all the time. What was your last daydream about? Ha, thanks to that other question, visiting Sara again. It'd be nice, but yeah, financial limitations and corona. Ever won the lottery? Bitch I wish. What was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? Ugh... I'd say putting all my self-worth, happiness, and source of peace into one person was pretty big but also fucking stupid. What is love really about? Don't ask a romantic this and expect a non-essay, haha. But to keep it as short as possible, it's about mutual care, the desire to grow together, trust, openness, the peace to be vulnerable with the other... It's about a lot. It's such a deep, beautiful feeling. What's the most you ever made in a year? lol Do you have an online diary? Only through surveys, really. What's the biggest pot you've won in poker? I haven't played poker since I was a kiddo, so idr. What Metallica lyric most describes your life? Who wrote this and knows my favorite bands????? Like damn. There's a good handful of the sadder songs I relate to; I did some brief digging through ones I know I relate to, and perhaps the one I feel closest is within "The Unforgiven II": "The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true. If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you." Aaaand now I'm gonna go binge Metallica 'cuz it's been too long, thanks. How many concerts have you been to? Just one. :/ Which one was your favorite? I've only seen Alice Cooper, and it was great. What's the most illegal thing you've done? Pirated stuff, oops. Ever get busted by the cops? What for? No. How many pairs of rollerblades do/did you own? I doubt I have any anymore. Ever wear out a CD? What was it? Ahaha... There is some scratching on my mom's copy of Ozzmosis thanks to me playing it so much on my old CD player. Ever have a tornado in your town? Well my city is pretty damn big, so yes, in some spots. I don't think my immediate proximity has ever seen one, though. If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? I would absolutely need something motivating if that was the case, so most likely "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. That song touches me so deeply and gives me the courage to do what I can to tackle life and try not to waste it. I know, I'm doing a great job at that. Ever heard of Shinedown? Hell yeah; I was actually listening to them in the car earlier. What does your lawn furniture consist of? We have nothing out there. Ever live off of canned soup and ramen noodles for weeks at a time? Er, no. But when I got my tongue pierced, I had to survive off of popsicles and... I somehow forgot the main thing I ate???? How?????? But anyway it was something that didn't involve much or any chewing, either. I actually lost a little bit of weight in that week or so because eating solids was impossible, and I didn't enjoy "eating" liquids either. That piercing (snake eyes, btw) was soooo so cute tho. I really wish it hadn't started to damage my teeth, or else I'd still have it. What musical group/artist do you love, but hide from other people? I used to be kinda embarrassed by artists like Melanie Martinez when you compare her music to my adoration of metal, but at my age now, I don't give a damn. I like what I like and won't hide it. What is the first meal you remember eating? ... Does anyone actually remember this??? What's in your keepsake box/scrapbook? Good God, a lot. I haven't looked in it in a very, very long time though. It brings a usually painful nostalgia. What did you score on your SATs? I don't even remember if I took them. I THINK I took the ACT instead? I don't even know the difference. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Hm. Been a while. It's not like I'm out of the house a lot, especially nowadays with quarantine. What colors is your lava lamp? I wish I had a lava lamp, they're rad and really relaxing. What's the strangest thing you've ever hung on the wall? Nothing, really. Can you name every place you've ever had sex? I mean I can but I'm not going to. What's the most important thing you ever lost and never found again? My favorite childhood cat Charcoal. He was an outdoor and intact male, so it was very normal for him to eventually vanish to rove. Please keep your cats indoors. What forms of birth control have you used? The pill and, uh, having "barriers." How many webpages have you created, and can you still find them all? I made Wetpaint sites for my two RP mobs back in the day, but the site has since been completely revised, so no, they don't exist anymore. I checked outta curiosity I think last year. How many people are in your family portrait? We don't even have a proper family portrait. Ever punched a wall? No. When's the last time you really lost your temper? In some argument with Mom I don't remember. Ever thought you (or a girlfriend) were pregnant, but it was a false alarm? I had massive anxiety over it once, but it was irrational and even I knew that. Not that anxiety cares. If 97 is yes, were you glad or sad? I was very glad when my period came lmao. What was the last conversation you had with someone before they died? When I saw my grandma for the last time, I just let her know that I loved her and that she was so, so strong, and she was. No one could believe how long she warded death off when she finally stopped chemo. What do your drinking glasses look like? We have some more unique cups and mugs, but the majority of them are just plain, slightly angular glasses, some short, some tall. How many bottles/containers are in your medicine cabinet? Oh wow, a lot. We're covered for most potential problems. How many funerals have you been to? Uhhh I think one. Maybe even none, just wakes. What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? An ant, I think? I just used my fingers. How many computers in your household? There are three laptops, but no desktop computers. Ever help to solve a crime? There was one occasion years ago when our neighbor's window was busted overnight and cops came to us to ask for any evidence we might have had, but we didn't have any. Idk what came of it. Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? I've never been pulled over. What was your first legal alcoholic drink? I think it was a margarita, but possibly a daquiri. Ever get published by one of those poetry groups? I fucking wish. I've tried, but to no avail. What's the furthest distance you've moved? Not very far at all. Just to the neighboring town. How many friends from high school/college do you still talk to? Only a few now and then. Girt is the only one I have real conversations with, though. What's the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? Probably the laptop I have right now, but idk. I've never asked how much things they've bought me cost, it seems rude somehow. What's the most expensive thing you've bought? The upcoming revamp of my tattoo. Deposit was $100, and then it's probably going to be another $300-400. I can't afford it all myself; as my birthday gift, Mom is helping me pay for it, but I've got most of it covered thanks to Christmas and birthday money. How many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? Start to do it? Well, I was trying to run for sharp objects to do it twice, but on each occasion, someone held me back 'cuz they knew I was about to do something rash, so I didn't get very far, thankfully. The only time I fully went through with an attempt was my OD. Ever spent the night in the "loony bin?" How fucking disrespectful to call it that, but whatever. If you put all the instances together, I've been in psych hospitals for around a couple months, maybe more. What is your favorite cover song? Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence" is absolutely unbeatable. I'd just about call it a cold hard fact. What's your inspiration? Other's success stories, music, art in general, etc. What's the longest relationship you've been in? Over 3 1/2 years. Did you ever drop out of school? I dropped out of college three times, yikes. Three times is enough; even if I think I want to, I'm never going back. That is just way too much money to keep throwing down the drain, and there's clearly a pattern. Ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months? I've never raised a kid period. Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is and know I had one surgically removed. Pretty strange and uncomf. Song that has changed your attitude recently? None, really. What's something that you say a lot to be mean? ... Why would I try to be mean??? Who told you they loved you last? Me mum. Ever had a pet frog? Not technically, no, but as kids, my sister, neighbor, and I saved hundreds, maybe thousands of tadpole eggs from a ditch that was inevitably going to dry out. We transferred them all to a kiddie pool and let them grow naturally, hopping out and into the world whenever they were ready. I wouldn't call them "pets." Your worst enemy? IT'S NO SURPRIIIISE TO MEEEE I AAAAMMM MY OWN WORST ENEMYYYYY Do you believe in karma? No, but I wish it was a thing. What was the last hurtful thing you said to someone? I'm not sure. I certainly try to avoid doing so. Do you love someone enough you'd die for them? There's multiple people. The last song you listened to? I wasn't joking when I said I was gonna go on a Metallica spree, haha. "Of Wolf and Man" is on rn. Your most favorite memory as a kid? Too many, man. If you had the choice to work or not, would you work? Yes. I need something to do that benefits others in one way or another. Ever TRULY wanted to kill someone? I can't say for sure, if I'm being totally transparent. When I found out about Jason's gf after me, I can say with certainty I wanted her dead beyond dead, but I don't know if I wanted to kill her, per se. Just to clarify, no, I don't wish any negativity upon her now. I was certifiably insane before and certainly don't think I am anymore, so... Marvel or DC? I don't care. Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed? Both. I prefer dubbed, BUT only if the voice acting isn't insufferable. I like dubbed just because for me, it's very distracting to have to keep looking down at subtitles. How often do you exercise? I don't... I'm still waiting for Mom to move into her actual room versus the living room couch so I can do WiiFit with some privacy. I'm too uncomfortable to exercise in front of anyone. What is your favorite book series? Warriors will forever have a very special place in my heart. What is your favorite OTP? I will probably ship Rhett and Link for my entire life. Their friendship is truly incredible and so so SOOOOOOO cute. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I've never seen the series, actually.

[indietravelerchick-blog]

Confessions of a past bachelorette

     I was the fish that could not get hooked. I was a serial dater, heartbreaker, bachelorette or whatever you want to call it. Was I a whore? Slut? Please, I have more class.  

 The story begins at age 18. I dated Duncan. He lived in the moment but couldn’t be serious or get his shit together to save his life. The first time he met my parents, he asked if he could do his laundry at their house. He lived in a shitty apartment in Old Louisville with his two cats. I remember his cats were panting all the time because the A/C was crap. One time, we visited this hippy couple in their thirties. They let their dog shit in the yard and they used the shit as fertilizer. Their garden was majestic. They had a tree with full grown green apples. They grew chili peppers and all types of vegetables. The couple said, “Yeah, we need help with our garden.” I jumped in to volunteer. Duncan just wanted the vegetables. He didn’t care about anything else. The next day he says, “Why did you do that? I’m pulling weeds and breaking a sweat like a Mexican.” He forgot all about it once the hippies cooked breakfast for us. Duncan would often go to the mall and take advantage of the free appetizers in the food court and pass it off as a meal.  Duncan was also the type that would go to his friends apartment with the pool and pass it off like he lived there. He would say, “They’ll never notice. Just say we live in apartment ABC.” Some would describe him as a freeloader. I describe him as a guy in his early 20′s on the struggle bus. Duncan was hilarious. There were good times but was this it for me? Nah.

     Next was Phi. My family adored him. Phi was the first person I dated outside of my race. He wouldn’t be the last. He was a Vietnamese immigrant. He came to this country at 15, became fluent in English and went to UofL for Speed School of Engineering. He treated me right and was a great guy but there was a problem. Phi was Catholic. My stubborn ass wasn’t. My mom knew I would never convert. We had arguments over religion. My family grieved him more then I did. Bye Phi. 

     Then there was James. James and I would often eat wings and beer with his parents and debate over politics. His dad was an Irish American trucker who used to be in the Marines. His mom was Japanese. They would have, I kid you not...10 drinks in one setting and gulp it down like it was nothing. They didn’t even act tipsy. There was no effect. I enjoyed my life with James. I thought...keyword, “thought” he was the one. I loved him. We went to church. We went to the gym. We had a routine. However, I had crippling social anxiety. He couldn’t handle it. He was my only social outlet. I depended on him for going out and having fun. That’s not a healthy relationship. That’s called, codependent. We had petty arguments and then he started talking to other women online. Guess you could say, shit hit the fan. Could he have at least found a woman who had a full set of teeth? Was he that desperate for a fuck? If you are a dad, James is the guy whose ass you’d want to kick. After everything calmed down, there was no bad blood. James admitted he wanted no commitment and I wanted more out of life then weekly wing and beer sessions.

Later on, I had a string of flings. Devlon. Derek. David. There seems to be a  pattern here...

     Cue in, Reese. The dynamic between Reese and I was similar to that of my grandparents. My grandmother had a short fuse, was dominant and my grandpa put up with it. Reese was extremely reserved, shy and inhibited. I clearly was not. I was impatient, impulsive with a fire in my belly. I enjoyed getting Reese out of his comfort zone. I liked taking him to new places. He never had pho. He’d never been to DC. I liked taking charge. I liked making the decisions but if he didn’t feel comfortable, I wasn’t understanding. I wasn’t accepting. I continued to grow and get out of my shell. I graduated college, got my own apartment and held a job. Reese wasn’t on the same page. What the fuck? When was he going to move out? Reese wanted to go to medical school. All I could think about was when he would get his shit together. I was a selfish bitch. I cussed at him when he didn’t deserve it out of frustration. I kicked him out of my apartment a million times. He was fiercely loyal just like my grandpa was loyal to my grandma no matter how many times she treated him like shit. I didn’t like who I was with him and I didn’t want to repeat that dynamic. Reese loved me unconditionally. I had conditions. If he could just improve on X, then I would be happy. He never felt good enough. He could never reach high enough. I didn’t understand why I wanted to pursue other people when I had a perfectly good guy? What the fuck was wrong with me? I was the asshole. We weren’t on the same wavelength. I wasn’t good for him and he wasn’t right for me.

After being completely frustrated and exhausted, I told myself, “Fuck this. I’m done.” I swore off dating. I was content with just having a good time. At a later time, an old friend invited me to Play. For those who are unfamiliar, Play is a trendy LGBT drag queen club. I thought, what the hell? I am free to do whatever I want. It’s a Saturday night. Let’s go. I’m enjoying my time at Play when my friend says her mom’s COPD was acting up so they had to leave early. I decide to order a drink for myself and go out on the deck. As I walk to the deck, I see out of the corner of my eye, this sophisticated, attractive man casually standing a few feet away away from me. He’s leaning on the deck, sipping on his beer, and we glance back and forth at each other. He looks like the type of guy you would see in a hallmark card OR movie, your pick. His skin was olive complexion, had thick curly black hair, and he had the most perfect muscle tone. He was confident. His style was classy yet modern. He had this essence and energy about him that was out of this world. He was sophisticated. His attitude was a mix of smooth Frank Sinatra while also tough, sarcastic Sylvester Stallone. Honestly, I could just eat him up. Unbeknownst to him, I’m having this inner battle of, “I told myself that I would be single. Dammit, look at him. I can’t go with out talking to him.” 5 minutes of overthinking pass by. “Okay. Who is going to make the first move?” After what feels like an eternity of stealing glances,  I take the leap of “fuck it” and go up to him. I think to myself, “What’s the worse that can happen? I make a total jackass of myself and never see him again. Let’s go for it.” I ask him if it’s his first time at Play and we hit it off like we’ve known each other our whole lives. 

What started off as light banter turns into talking for 5 hours. I didn’t make it home until 5:30 am. He fascinated me. I had to see him the next day, and the next. We spend each day craving more. As I get to know him, he tells me all the things that would have been deal-breakers for me in the past. He’s 50. He’s Catholic. He’s divorced. Yet I could give a single fuck. Family and friends were concerned. My mom reacted, “He’s 50!? What the fuck, Melissa?” and I remark, “Trust me. He sure don’t look it.” My friends thought, “What if he’s controlling you?” I snap back, “Do you not know me by now?” The people who were once able to dissuade me did not know what to do with me. Hell, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Everyone thought I had lost my damn mind.

I was no longer in control like I was once. I could no longer walk away. I could no longer say, “Fuck it” or “Next.” He wasn’t an option but a necessity. He turned my world upside down and changed everything about my life. He made me realized what was missing. He lives in the moment. He has wit and spunk. He’s in an established career yet maintains the youth and energy of a young 20-something. He’s not jaded by life. He takes life by the horns literally...(he got chased by a bull in Spain). I don’t feel held back like I did in the past or make up excuses on why things should end because I know nothing can hold me back from him. If he was in the same exact circumstances, and it’s him, my mindset would be, I have to have him. Nothing can top him. 

A similar story happened to a young bachelor man who had a string of ex-girlfriends who could never catch his interest---who could never quite keep him. He was that bachelor. He was that person. He never thought he would want a woman living with him. Why would he want that if he could bring a different one home every night? He never thought he would bring a girl down to meet his mom. Are you nuts?! No one is worthy enough. He never thought he would get down on one knee again after the hell he went through. Why take the risk when he has a great life? He thought this way until we found each other and we’ve been together ever since.

Guess we’re hooked for life.

I love you mi amor.

[bossman-hazani]

Gangstars episode 1

Hey so this is my first time using this website. I’m moderately new to it but I thought that this might be a good place to post the scripts for an animated comedy series I wish to one day start. I decided that since I have no idea on how and what the hell to do in order to get it noticed by a producer, I thought a good place to start was to post the scripts online and see if I could build a community on it and see what will come from it. I mean, worst case scenario is that literally nothing will happen and it’ll go completely unnoticed so here it is. Please feel free to give any feedback in whatever way is possible on this website lol. The first episode might be a little weak I’m not really sure what to expect from readers but please give it a chance to when I post the second episode before giving up on it. I guess the kind of humour it comes off from is more a Rick and Morty type of thing. And please can nobody be an ass with feedback? I’m still new to this and I don’t really appreciate it. This isn’t really a final product and I’ll probably change the script based on any feedback I get so please try to keep it constructive and helpful. Thanks and enjoy.

Gangstars Episode 1 script

(The camera shows a brick wall in an alleyway with a door. You can hear the muffled voices of the interviewer and his mother)

Interviewer: "!?"

(Door opens)

Mom: "DAMMIT BOY, IF MY SON'S GONNA SMOKE, HE'S GONNA DO IT IN HIS OWN DAMN HOUSE, NOT THE TRASHY APARTMENT HE BOUGHT HIS MOM CAUSE HE DOESN'T LOVE HER"

Interviewer: "alright, alright! I'm going!"

(Interviewer exits door, grabs a cigar, takes out his phone and starts talking to someone on the phone while leaning on a wall)

Interviewer: "Hey, Stu. Look, I need you to do me a favour. Dammit Stu are you drunk again!? Fine, whatever. Just go tell Cindy that I'm gonna be in the office to tomorrow morning - what do you mean what!? Why the fuck do I even pay you!? Dammit Stu! You'd better give results or you're fired! Oh so NOW you remember. Whatever. Now tell Cindy that I'm gonna be in my office in the morning and that she has to go get mike so I can meet him and promote his ass. Heh, yeah, he's gonna be making some big bucks now"

(Interviewer continues talking while smoking, and as this happens, a large arm (Fat Toni) with a burger starts creeping off side of screen and attempts to suffocate him.)

Interviewer: "WHA-!?"

(Interviewer punches Fat Toni in the stomach to which an immune sign appears, slowly rising. As time is running out, Interviewer grabs glass bottle and hits Fat Toni over the head with it.)

Fat Toni: "ah SHIT!"

(FT drops to floor directly onto interviewer's leg and a crack is audible)

Interviewer: "Fuuuck!!"

Fat Toni: "Help me up, guys!"

(Two more figures, Teef and Giuseppe run in to help FT up there is clear strain in doing the process.)

Teef: "Holy shit, Toni you’re so fucking heavy!!"

Giuseppe: (Makes strained sounds)

(Interviewer politely waits through this event)

(When Fat Toni is finally up, he takes a moment to catch his breath)

Fat Toni: "Ok, where were we??"

Interviewer: "Uhhhh I think you were about to proceed with kidnapping me?"

Fat Toni: Ooohhh yeeah... Well... Do you wanna go through with it or has the moment kinda passed?"

Interviewer: "Nah I think I can bring it back."

(Interviewer backs away, into a wall, unable to stand. The shadow of a LARGE man slowly, with help, makes their way up and looms over interviewer)

Interviewer: (In fear) "What are you?"

(Bag goes over interviewer's face and screen goes black)

Fat Toni: (As if talking to a sick child) "Wake up, this is a temporary kidnapping."

(From the perspective of the interviewer, you can see his eyes opening and closing slowly)

Fat Toni: "Wake uuuuppp"

(Interviewer still doesn't wake up)

Fat Toni: (Irritated) "Hey, cmon, wake up already."

Fat Toni: (yelling and at the same time slapping the interviewer) "Wake up!!"

(Interviewer is awake now and looks all around him. He can see a messy room and at the end of it stands a dark figure who is not visible due to a light shining into the interviewer's face)

Fat Toni: "Alright now, talk!!"

(An irritated muffle comes from the interviewer as he makes it clear that he cannot)

Fat Toni: "Oh, right. Sorry about that."

(From the figure comes a hand that reaches to the face of the interviewer and removes some duct tape)

Fat Toni: "Ok NOW talk."

Interviewer: "Somebody help me!!"

Fat Toni: "Naah I was just messing with you, you never had to talk. But what we ARE gonna do is we're give you something to make sure that you can't go to that interview tomorrow."

Interviewer: "huh? But-"

(Toni's hand goes over interviewer's face and the screen goes black for a few seconds.)

(The camera then goes to Mike. He's walking in a suit with a briefcase (office work starter pack) through the Jimmyasssteak building and his fellow employees pass by, engaging in conversation. It's clear that Mike is familiar and comfortable in his status and that EVERYONE knows and loves Mike.)

Employee 1: "Hey, Mike!! Pretty sure your gonna be promoted to CEO!! AND your gonna meet the boss! Even I haven't seen him"

Mike: "Yeah ikr! But it still hasn't been confirmed... Fingers crossed though!!"

Employee 2: "EY, MIKE!! YOU FUCKED MY WIFE!"

Mike: "Yeah I did"

Employee 2: (High fives mike) "Holy shit! That's really an achievement! I still haven't fucked her after 5 years together!! Anyway, have a good one, Mike!"

Mike: "Yeah, you too, Gary."

(Mike goes into a reception and starts waiting. After a sew seconds, a secretary comes up to mike)

Secretary: "Oh, hey Mike, the boss will see you now."

Mike: "Alrighty then, let's go."

(Mike and secretary start walking together through a corridor)

Mike: "So uh you know what the big guy's like? What I should say to him? What he looks like?"

Secretary: "I have no idea. I've never seen or heard him in person. Every day at 11 I escort everyone out of the building and security is turned off so he can enter his office. I guess you could say he likes his privacy."

Mike: "But then how did he tell you he wanted to see me?"

Secretary: "We communicate through ASCII. (but pronounced as ASCI)"

Mike: "So... the Advertising standards council of india??"

Secretary: "No it's with TWO 'I's."

Mike: "Ohh..."

(Camera slowly blacks out then slowly back into colour to show Mike and the Secretary reaching the end of a corridor. The secretary is a blubbering mess while mark is just confused and shocked)

Secretary: "And then I said "what, you don't like me that way?" and then you'll never guess what he said. Go on guess."

Mike: (slowly and confused) "How? This wasn't even a long corridor. It was only 30 seconds ago that we were talking about the boss. How did- Just- how!?"

Secretary: "HE SAID YESSSS!"

Mike: "Well I hate to have to leave you at the peak of the... The conversation but- uhh- we're at the boss so I kinda have to do my interview and all..."

Secretary: (clearly fine now) "Oh, ok!"

(Secretary goes to a computer and types in a legitimate ASCII message. In response, a message that's clearly not ASCII pops up)

Secretary: "Alright, I'm going to have to go while the boss opens the door. It's standard procedure. So bye Mike!"

(Secretary starts walking away. A door slowly opens. Mike goes through the door, looks around and sees Fat Toni, who is drawing a moustache on the Mona Lisa painting hung up on a wall)

Fat Toni: "OH, HEY! Mark, right? I- uh I wasn't expecting you!"

Mike: "But didn't you literally tell your secretary that you were ready for me through ASCII??"

Fat Toni: "Mike... How in the goatlord’s shitting anus am I supposed to contact my secretary through the advertising standards council of india!?"

Mike: "Oh no she says it's with two 'I's."

Fat Toni: "Aaaahh. Well that makes more sense. I thought she was playing a number game when she sent me all those ones and zeros

Fat Toni: "Mike... I don't like mike... Is it ok if I call you Donnie?"

Mike: "Please call me by my name, sir."

Fat Toni: "Then it's settled. Your now Donnie... Donnie Dwayne!"

Donnie: (small and powerless) "ok..."

Fat Toni: "So Donnie. I'm gonna ask you some questions and your gonna answer then a’ight?"

Donnie: "Sure, whatever."

Fat Toni: "What are your thoughts on crime??"

Donnie: "I've always hated crime. I don't want to establish myself in it in any way and it helps nobody in any way. Innocent people just get hurt."

(Fat Toni gives a disapproving 'hmm' and literally scribbles on his notepad)

Fat Toni: "Now for the second question; What's your weight and how much do you normally eat in a day?"

Donnie: "How does this have anything to do with my promotion?"

Fat Toni: "Trust me, it's very important."

Donnie: "Well I guess I'm more or less the average person for both of them."

Fat Toni: "So... 49,000 calories each day??"

Donnie: "what!? No! That's stupid!! It's like 2,000!"

Fat Toni: "TWO-THOUSAND!? WHAT KINDA SUPER FUCKIN DIET ARE YOU- *ahem* That's very, very low. I gotta say, Donnie, your not doing very well for yourself so far. But you can still make it back."

Donnie: "Ok, ok..."

Fat Toni: (Dark and slowly) "Now it's time for the third question..."

(features of Fat Toni's face are blackened and are very serious as he says this and Donnie is concerned)

Fat Toni: (All grim and dark features on Fat Toni's face quickly disappear as he says this) "Do you like burgers? I like burgers."

Donnie: "Oh- well I like a good burger. They're actually pretty good."

Fat Toni: "I should probably tell you the truth... You know the gangstars?"

Donnie: "Umm no..."

Fat Toni: "Oh c'mon you gadda know them... Ya know... Biggest gang in the worldiverse?? Startin' gang wars here and there? You've probably heard of the but don't remember"

Donnie: "Ohhhhh those guys are JOKES!"

Fat Toni: "Ah c’mon, they're not that bad..."

Donnie: "I mean, they were the first and only gang to ever have their heist thwarted by an old lady"

Fat Toni: "Well- uuhh- I'm pretty sure they felt bad for the grandma and they didn't wanna hurt her..."

Donnie: "Dude, she was 96 and they had guns. She was only armed with a walking stick."

Fat Toni: "Pretty sure she was a martial artist."

Donnie: "What kind of martial artist is called Masel?"

Fat Toni: "UM only the most powerful ones. You know how martial arts gotta be, you can’t have your enemy suspect it. Pfft what do you know. Listen. I'm not your boss. My name is Fat Toni. I'm here to recruit you on the behalf of the Gangstars."

Donnie: "No."

Fat Toni: "Look Donnie, The gangstars need you. We're at a very bad state and this is the final straw for us. We need you."

Donnie: "No."

Fat Toni: "In this job, you were about to be promoted to CEO of the company. Would you rather be a CEO of Jimmyasssteak and get about 15 million a year, as tempting as it is, I think our offer will still win you over. By joining the gangstars, you get to risk your life, for scraps from heists!" (shows a picture of two happy people) "See, in the picture, you can see two of our happy members, enjoying the rough territory of wars."

Donnie: "Who even ARE they??"

Fat Toni: (Looks at the picture) "Ah. That's Tim and John. They didn't make the old lady attack. Don't ask. And I haven't even gotten to the good part! If you choose to join the gangstars, you get a chicken! On the house! With deals like that, SOMEONE'S gonna be making it through the winter!"

Donnie: "Well, I was GONNA say "no.", but I think the chicken part really changed my mind to... No.

Fat Toni: (pulls out gun to Donnie's face) (Aggressively) "It sure is a good thing that you're so excited to join the gangstars. You start..." (Looks at watch) "now!"

Donnie: "Of course. This is just great."

Fat Toni: (Holds up handcuffs) "you're gonna need to wear these..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Fat Toni and Donnie are walking on the pavement of a motorway. Occasionally, there's a car passing by. Most give an aggressive comment to them.)

Fat Toni: "Sorry we had to walk. We have a small unicycle back at the HQ... I totally forgot it though."

Donnie: "A unicycle? You can ride one?"

Fat Toni: "Yeah you should see us when we use it. We look like a fuckin' circus crew piled up on top of each other."

Donnie: "That's kinda st-"

(A car passes by, and says an aggressive comment."

Driver 1: "You fuckin' dumbass!!"

Fat Toni: "You too you piece a' shit!!"

Donnie: "What the fuck was that about?"

Fat Toni: "Well you're in the motorway. In these areas, it's home to some of the most aggressive drivers in the city. A word of advice, do NOT go through the motorway in a car. VERY few people ever see the end of the motorway. Don't worry about the comments though, asshole comments are like compliments here."

Donnie: "Oh. Well that's also stupid. What's the gangstars like??"

Fat Toni: "Oh they're great once you get to know them. But if you're gonna fit in, you're gonna wanna work on your gangstar voice. Try one now!!"

(Passing car)

Driver 2: "HEY!! I'm drivin' here!!"

Fat Toni: "yeah, I bet you are!!"

Donnie: "Well what do you want me to say??"

Fat Toni: "Ummm... say that the gangstars don't suck and that they're actually super cool."

Donnie: "Ok, that sounds like a fairly simple task." in gangstar voice) "The ganghhh-"

Fat Toni: "Go on, say it."

Donnie: (in gangstar voice) "The gagstars donn- donnut sss-" (out of gangstar voice) "nope. I can't do it. It's physically impossible They just suck that much."

Fat Toni: "Ok, imma let that pass, but don't say that any more. Look. We'll work on your gangstar voice later"

(Passing car)

Driver 3: "How's ur mom!?!?"

Donnie this time: "Much better than yours!!"

(Car stops in the distance for a moment and then starts reversing. Meanwhile, Fat Toni is in shock.)

Donnie: "Wait what's he doing?? Didn't I compliment him?"

Fat Toni: "Dammit Donnie!! YOU'RE OUTTA THE MOTORWAY ZONE!!"

(Camera shows the ground with half of donnie's front foot past a black and yellow tape on the ground)

Donnie: "Well how tf was I supposed to know that!?!?"

Fat Toni: "THERE'S A NEON ADHESIVE TAPE ON THE FLOOR AND ABOUT 50 SIGNS!! HOW COULD YA MISS IT!?"

Fat Toni: "Just let me handle this!"

(Fat Toni pulls out his gun and points it to the driver who is at this point already out of his car and is approaching them. Meanwhile, Donnie starts slowly making a getaway.)

Fat Toni: "Look sir, I'm sorry about this misunderstanding. My grandson over here."

Driver 3: "Idiot. You don't look anything like him. And the age gap is WAY too small for him to be your grandson."

Fat Toni: "Oh but he is my grandson. Tell 'I’m Donnie."

Donnie: "Huh? Oh- yeah, sure am."

Driver 3: "Well tell me something, then. Why is your grandson trying to run away?"

Fat Toni: "Are you serious?? That's like the oldest trick in the fuckin' book. Did you really think that was gonna work? Go on, Donnie, tell him how you're still here!"

Donnie: (slightly distant) "YEAH!! He's right!"

Fat Toni: "See what did I tell ya!?"

(Fat Toni looks back and sees Donnie running away)

Fat Toni: "SON OF A BITCH!! Uh... is that someone calling you a fucking dumb ass??"

Driver 3: "You're the fucking dumbass if you think I'm falling for that bu-"

(Fat Toni throws the gun in driver 3's face and starts running for donnie.)

Fat Toni: "Donnie? Donnie!! Don't worry. I think the guy's knocked out!! You can stop running now!"

Donnie: "You idiot! That's not why I'm running away! I need to go back to my LIFE! I can still get my promotion and forget all this EVER happened!!

Fat Toni: "But Donnie!! The chicken! It's still up for grabs!!"

Donnie: "You're fucking crazy!! Just leave!"

Fat Toni: "Slow down, Donnie, I'm fat!!"

(Donnie continues running while looking back at Toni who's stopped to catch his breath.)

Donnie: "hah haha AAHAHAHAH IT'S OVER! I'M FREE! OOP!

(Donnie runs into a tree and falls back onto the ground and goes unconscious. The camera shows Toni picking up Donnie and holding him over his shoulder and carries him off. The screen slowly fades.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Donnie wakes up in a small room on some hay, holding his head. The room looks old and floors and walls are made of wood. Donnie walks out of the room to another but this room looks normal and modern. Just regular but it's shit. In the room, Fat Toni stands alone in the room. He notices Donnie, starts walking towards him while talking.)

Fat Toni: "Hey Donnie, How did you enjoy our 17th century themed guest room?"

Donnie: "Well I feel like shit. I also smell like shit and I don't remember that before I hit my head."

Fat Toni: "Yeah... It's a pretty weird coincidence how the guest room does that to ya."

Fat Toni: "Listen Donnie, You're about to meet the other members of the gangstars. But, before you meet them and officially become a gangstar, you gadda sign this" (holds up a blank contract with only the signing area.) "so that if you bail, we can add shit in the blank and take you to court claiming shit you never agreed to! And if you don't officially join the gangstars, then we'll kill you. So... it's nothing important. You get it. Now sign it."

Donnie: "Welp. Doesn't look like I have that much choice... Uh... should i sign it as Donnie or should i use my actual name??"

Fat Toni: "Donnie will work just fine. I mean, I don't know how it not being your real name would affect how we can take you to court."

Donnie: "Oh I'm sure it doesn't. Real names are way overrated anyway"

(Donnie signs it as "Donnie")

Fat Toni: "Alright, this is the moment, as soon as you meet the rest of the gangstars, you'll officially be a gangstar. There's no going back from here."

Donnie: "Ummm I don't really need t-"

Fat Toni: (yelling upwards, cutting Donnie off) "GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE!!"

(Distant shuffling)

(the gangstars start walking in one by one)

Teef: (Talks in a shitty Italian accent) "What the fuck is it now?? If you've lost your cheeseburger again, we're NOT gonna help you this time"

Fat Toni: "Well actually I'll talk to you about that later buuut I called all your asses down here because I wanted to introduce the latest addition to the gangstars... Everyone meet Donnie!!"

Teef: "Oh, another one?? This is the fourth time this week. They keep dieing, dammit!"

Guiseppe: "Taglatelli!!"

Donnie: "Wait-- what's up with that guy, why did he just mention a delicious food that doesn't relate to context."

Fat Toni: "Ah, that, is guiseppe, he's got pure Italian blood, but we never really got to figuring out why exactly he doesn't talk proper Italian. His language is based mostly on Italian words that Americans know and love in their language likee... Ravioli, or pizza then there's also a sprinkle of random American words, but he CAN understand what you say. We came around to calling it retarded Italian. Oh yeah, he also makes a great ravioli."

Giuseppe: "Pizza ravioli Guiseppe (holds out hand) spaghetti"

Donnie: (shaking hand) "So is it like every word has a translation??"

Teef: "Nah it's really completely random. One ravioli could mean biscuits in one sentence but shit in another."

Fat Toni: "Yeah... Trust Teef's judgement when it comes to retarded Italian. He's the only one who understands retarded Italian."

Teef: "Welcome to the gangstars, if you need anything, just reach reach me, I probably got what you need."

Fat Toni: "Teef's our guy whenever we need something, if you need something done, just go to him!

Donnie: "yeah, sure, whatever, but why the fuck does he sound so weird??"

Fat Toni: "Well a couple years back his ass got into some deep shit and well... He knew some people who could fix it... let's just say long story short, according to the law he's related to guiseppe and is legally required to speak in a shitty Italian accent. It's a story for another time."

Guiseppe: "Spaghetti artichoke" (starts ruffling in pockets) "biscotti penne"

Teef: "Oh c'mon Guiseppe. You really gotta do that this time??"

Guiseppe: "broccoli."

Donnie: "Wait- What's happening?"

Teef: "He uh says you gotta do the ritual."

Donnie: "Oh for fucks sake what's it now?"

(Once guiseppe seems content with what he was searching for, he pulls out a live chicken and holds it in both hands and starts talking retarded Italian. What he's talking about isn't important.)

Guiseppe: "coffee ciabatta gelato..."

Donnie: "What the fuck!? Where the hell did he even fit that thing!?"

Fat Toni: "It doesn't matter, it's bad luck to question the ritual. It's a tradition that's been going through the gangstars for centuries now, your gonna have to accept the complimentary chicken."

Donnie: "What!? No! I'm not gonna accept this stupid chicken!"

(Guiseppe takes note of this and looks offended, but continues with the ritual.)

Teef: "You gotta take the complimentary chicken man. No excuses now, you're a gangstar."

Donnie: "What the hell even is this place!?"

(Guiseppe finishes speaking and goes down on one knee and holds the chicken above his head)

Donnie: "I'm not gonna take the chicken"

Teef: "You gotta take it man."

(Guiseppe starts to slowly push the chicken towards Donnie's face)

Fat Toni: "just take the damn chicken, just for a minute."

Donnie: "I can't, I'm allergic dammit!"

(Guiseppe slowly starts getting seriously pissed)

Teef: "Would you do it for a quarter?"

(Donnie shoots Teef an annoyed glance)

Teef: "He ain't buying, Toni."

Fat Toni: "Well raise!! We need him to take the chicken!"

Teef: "But I already offered a quarter!"

Fat Toni: "Whoa Teef, he's not worth our entire budget."

(Guiseppe slowly starts getting seriously pissed)

Fat Toni: "Donnie, I'm telling ya this as a warning, not advice; take the chicken."

Donnie: "Alright! I'll take the chicken!!"

(Donnie takes the chicken in a sudden movement, Guiseppe goes back to normal and walks out.)

Donnie: (throwing the chicken behind him followed by a squawk) "What a weird motherfucker..."

(Doogie walks through the door)

Teef: "Motherfucker..."

Doogie: "Reporting for business, boss!"

Fat Toni: "Ah come onn didn't I give you that calculus book!?"

Doogie: "That was a colouring book for kids."

Fat Toni: "And I did NOT think you'd finish it so damn fast"

Donnie: "Alright whose this dumbass?"

Doogie: "well my-"

Teef: "We'll do the talking, asshole."

Teef: "His name's Doogie; the smartass dumbass never really officially joined the gangstars, he just started coming here."

Fat Toni: "Physically, he's worse than useless, but he's a real smartass... Most of the time he's just annoying though. No matter what we do, we can't get rid of him.

Donnie: "Well why don't you just" (makes a slitting throat gesture)

Fat Toni: (excitedly) "Oh yeah, that reminds me, check this out"

(Fat Toni pulls a gun to Doogie's forehead between his glasses and shoots him without hesitation. When Doogie dies, he makes the most pathetic sound. Doogie's corpse slides a small distance so his head is under an object.)

Donnie: "What the hell did you just do!?You killed the weird kid!!"

Fat Toni: "What? you suggested that I kill him? Didn't he Teef?

Teef: "He did, and by laws of the gangstars, he'd be held responsible"

Donnie: "No! I was making a joke! I didn't want you to seriously kill him!!"

Doogie: (Weak and slowly) "Goooo..."

Donnie: "Wait- why did he just make a noise? What was that?"

Teef: "That. Is the reason why we could never get rid of him. I mean cmon did you really think we didn't try killing him? I mean just look at him."

(Doogie starts making a very slow rise)

Teef: "If you'll excuse me for a moment, I have something to get"

(Doogie starts talking while rising)

Doogie: "How many times do I have to tell you to not to do that guys? I know it's funny but it's annoying. You ruined my good glasses too..." (continues )

(Teef walks next to Doogie with a shovel and smashes him by the back of the head towards a wall. Doogie makes another one of his pathetic noises as he dies. His corpse slides towards a wall and and some sort of stacked tall object falls just right to cover his body from the viewpoint and from all characters in the area.)

Teef: "Welp, I think I took care of that."

Donnie: "So.... What!?"

Fat Toni: "To put it simply, it was by some really shitty fortune that the one useless pain in the ass is basically impossible to get rid of. We've never seem what happens when he's being reborn. The surrounding will just comically rearrange themselves through extremely unlikely processes to cover his corpse."

Teef: "The more you try to force seeing the regeneration process, the more destructive the events get so they'll force YOU not to see it. So uh try not to do that."

(Two semi-large guys walk into view next to Toni)

One of them: "Hey Toni. A word please"

Toni: "Oh, hey Donnie, meet these guys." (points to one of them) "This guy is Tommy de mato" (points to the other one) "and he's Danny 'D' Ruff."

Donnie: "Damn, those are some pretty stupid yet kinda catchy names."

Teef: "Yeaah... That was back when we were using the catchy name generator."

Fat Toni: "Ahh that was a good one... Anyway, they're mostly undercover or doing background work so you won't be seeing much of them."

(Fat Toni turns to Tommy and Danny and then back to the others)

Fat Toni: "Alright. I'll be back in a minute"

(Fat Toni walks a small distance with Tommy and Danny to talk.)

Fat Toni: "Alright so what's up guys?"

Danny 'D' Ruff: "We found a bank. This one's too easy."

Fat Toni: "How much they are we gonna get outta this heist??"

Tommy De Mato: "Well they don't got much money or gold or much of anything because they literally just opened but they got cookies; lots and lotsa cookies."

Fat Toni: (Stroking chin in deep thought) "How many cookies are we talking about here?"

Danny 'D' Ruff: "Get this; whenever you deposit or withdraw money from an account, they'll give out free cookies."

Fat Toni: "Holy shit that's a lot of cookies..."

Tommy De Mato: "Think about it man, this time in a few days, we'll be rolling in cookies beyond our wildest dreams and a small portion of money."

Fat Toni: "Dammit, we're doing it!!"

(Fat Toni rejoins the rest and Danny and Tommy leave.)

Donnie: "No the fuck I won't do it!"

Teef: (Offering a bloody bat to Donnie) "C'mon it's not that hard to just give him a whack to the head."

Doogie: "No, please don't. It hurts"

Donnie: "No!! It's psychotic!"

Fat Toni: "Don't worry, Teef. He's only finding it so difficult because he doesn't know him well enough."

Teef: (with a hint of hostility) "Just give it time."

Fat Toni: "Alright guys. We're gonna rob a bank."

Teef: "Sweeet. It's been way too long." (yells upwards) "HEY, GUISEPPE!! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE. WE'RE PULLING A HEIST!!"

Guiseppe: (muffled) "Taglatelli pastrami!? Fusili?"

Teef: "uhhh... Brocoli lasagna pizza"

Guiseppe: "Fusili!"

Teef: "He's in."

Donnie: "Yeeaah I don't know... Now we're breaking the law? This felt more like some creepy fanclub thing. I never really thought of doing illegal shit..."

Fat Toni: "Yea but that's only cause you don't know the stash we're gonna pull from this heist."

Donnie: "Fine. What is it??"

Fat Toni: "Cookies; lots 'n' lotsa cookies."

Donnie: "Yup... Just as incredibly stupid as I figured."

(Guiseppe joins the group)

Guiseppe: "Concerto."

Teef: "He says he's ready."

Fat Toni: "How about everyone else?"

(Camera scrolls to the side as everyone gives their answer)

Teef: "Yeah!"

Guiseppe: "Libretto" (yes)

Doogie: (excitedly but cut off) "Ye-!"

Fat Toni: (Excitedly) "You aren't coming!"

Doogie: "Awww..."

(Camera goes on to Donnie who has an exaggeratedly and comically pissed off face and his arms crossed and is hunched)

Donnie: (with a childlike misery) "No."

Fat Toni: (excitedly) "Doesn't matter!!"

(View goes back to Fat Toni.)

Fat Toni: (In a cool voice) "Well. Now that everyone's ready..." (pauses while putting on some of the stupidest glasses on the end of his nose and pushing the glasses up the bridge of his nose) "... Let's go rob a bank."

*** END OF EPISODE 1 ***

[cjxkpopxwriting]

Extra Stuffing - Sinday Drabble

Taehyung x American Reader - 🔥💕

Note: This is purely self indulgent and I didn’t have anything for Tae on the list yet! There is definitely some humor and hopefully some enjoyable smut. The other members do make an appearance. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Note note: omg this was longer than expected. I was hella sick for the last two days, but here it is. Hope everyone had a good holiday!

-

So far, the guys seemed to enjoy Your American traditions. Everything from exchanging valentines all the way to hunting for colored eggs and even stealing kisses under mistletoe. You hadn’t had the chance to subject them to the wild day of over eating and taking naps and shopping online yet, however, and it was that time of year. “Kookie, you better get out of the kitchen! I swear if you stole another-“

The Maknae gave you a sheepish, deviled egg grin as he swiped the remaining filling off the edge of his lip and tilted his head. His English had greatly improved, though it still had an adorable accent and fumble to it that made you grin as he quickly apologized. You still didn’t know why he had to speak in English when you had learned Korean. “Noona, I’m so sorry. These egg... things are... so good. We need more.” You nodded, shooing his large frame out of the kitchen only to be pushed back in by another large frame.

Taehyung didn’t care too much to apologize to Jungkook as he shoved him aside for you, only giving the younger man a playful eyebrow waggle, his eyes going up in that silly face he made before he grabbed the ladle from the crock pot to pour himself another cup of apple cider. “This is good. But... I’m afraid I’m going to drink it all.” They were all in and out of the kitchen now, examining the plates you had assembled. Jin and Yoongi were really the only ones allowed since they cooked the most, but it seemed the smells were too much for the others to resist. “Don’t drink it all or you’re gonna be sick, Tae.”

He shrugged, and after eyeing you for a long moment, he retreated. Things had been different between the two of you. Stolen glances, less than innocent flirting and suggestive gestures. You had always known he could be down right dirty, keeping up with even Jimin and Namjoon, but lately it seemed he’d fallen into a habit of making you blush. Earlier, when you’d been found searching the cupboards, he’d all but given you a heart attack when his hand slid up the inside of your thigh to support you.

Originally, you’d passed it off as a caring gesture, one he’d do for any of the guys as well, but the rush of desire that came when he actually hefted you off the counter when you found the can of corn spoke otherwise. Maybe you were projecting your desire for him, but you couldn’t help but feel your body heat when his gaze left you to disappear under his lush lashes. Why did he have to look so damn good?

Could you just eat him for dinner?

“Namjoon!”

The scuffle in the dining area and several mumbled apologies from Namjoon alerted you right out of your wandering thoughts, making you gasp as you narrowly dodged burning yourself on a hot casserole dish. “What happened?” Tae came rushing in to pull off his shirt, the warm drink he’d just served himself staining the front of the white sweater. “Oh no.” You rushed to him, wiping the sticky liquid from his chest with a wet dishtowel before you looked his shirt over. “Go wash it according to the directions. It should be ok if you do it fast.”

He had frozen in place, missing your command while he gawked at your hands on his abdomen and chest. There had been several times the two of you had touched, but never like this that he could think of. Your touch was soft and careful, like you were somehow concerned over him being burned, though he was sure it hadn’t been quite that hot. “Noona, it’s ok.” As your eyes lifted to his, you finally snapped out of it to realize what the hell you were doing. “Oh! Sorry... uhm. Hurry! Dinner is ready.”

Aside from Namjoon, who was cleaning up the spill, you asked the others for help as Tae backed away toward the laundry room, and thanked the heat of the kitchen to explain your flushed face. The guys did not need to know that you were crushing on Taehyung. It would... be disastrous. “Careful, guys.” Hoseok and Jungkook placed your perfectly roasted bird on the table and you clapped your hands. “Oh my god, Norman Rockwell would be impressed. TAE! Put a shirt on and come sit for a picture.”

And so you could fucking breathe again.

The guys sat while Jungkook set his camera up on a delay, rushing back to his seat beside Jimin before he held up two fingers as they posed. The flash of the camera saved the moment in time as you let Jin cut the turkey, the others digging into the dishes. Green bean casserole, candied yams, dressing, salad, potato salad, mashed potatoes, rice (per their request), macaroni and cheese, deviled eggs, kimchi that Jin and Jungkook demanded, pumpkin pie, apple pie, and a caramel cheesecake, what was left of the cider, Soju, beer, soda, gravy, ham, and rolls.

If this wasn’t a carb load, you didn’t know what would be. They better be energized after this and ready to go... though the turkey might slow them down. “So... most of these are things I am used to eating at my own family gatherings. But we added some of your things so everything is balanced! Eat up!” You didn’t have to speak twice, the seven men around you stuffing their faces. Animated chatter had you distracted, but a tap against your shin made you turn to look at Tae, who offered you a bite of ham, rice, and kimchi. “Noona, this is good. Try.” You took the bite, the smirks around the table missed by your eyes.

Tae had voiced his interest in you several times with his members, but he had never really imagined you were going to even come close to reciprocating until now. The blushing cheeked glances and giggles and touches spoke volumes to him about your comfort with him, and he was not afraid to use that to his advantage. “Wow. That... the kimchi... it totally made that better!” Tae nodded and laughed softly, taking a sip of his cider as he eyed you over the rim of the cup.

If you could actually melt... you would’ve.

Between reminding Jungkook to chew his food fully so he didn’t choke and coordinating how to have them put whipped topping on their pie without unloading an entire can on their hands for a trick video for tik tok or their mouths to just eat it, dinner was rather entertaining. Eventually, the tryptophan started to kick in, however, Yoongi being the first one to retreat for a nap. Jungkook and Jimin had attempted to watch a movie while digesting, luring Namjoon and Jin in before they were all snoring.

Hoseok was able to help clean up before he retreated too, and you were sure you’d seen Tae disappear to his room. “Thank you Hobi!” He nodded and shuffled out, leaving you alone. Or at least you thought you were. Humming softly, you began putting the bit of leftovers away, leaning into the fridge. You closed it and turned only to immediately press back into the cool metal, Tae’s face right in front of you. “Kim Taehyung... where do you get off thinking you can just-“

The hungry kiss was not expected. How had he even just snuck up on you?! His lips were needy, working yours open to plunge his tongue past, leaving your reeling. Nope, this was not real. You had simply fell into a post feast day dream. There was no way you were playing tonsil hockey with Tae. But you had to let yourself enjoy it, moaning into the kiss as you threaded your fingers into his messy hair. Being lifted from the floor, you wrapped your legs around his waist and let him carry you, hiding your face in his neck when he proudly toted you past the snoring pile of men on the couch.

Maybe it wasn’t a dream?

The click of his door shutting as he shuffled with you in his arms pulled you from his neck, and he laid you down, lips finding yours again as he climbed between your legs. “You’ve been torturing me all day... and months before that. How am I supposed to keep my hands to myself?” He spoke softly against your lips before he opened his eyes, meeting your gaze. “I... Tae...” He worried for a second if he had read the signals wrong...

But then your hands pushed his new sweater up his back and he groaned softly when you nipped his bottom lip. “I’m still hungry... for you.” If that wasn’t the way to melt your panties you were sure the slick between your thighs was arousal for him then. His left hand pulled your body tight against his, right arm switching as he rotated out of his sweater you so insistently tugged over his head. “Tell me this is what you wanted... tell me I wasn’t wrong.” He was practically begging you to reinforce your attraction to him, and you whimpered and nodded.

Not satisfied, Tae caught your jaw in gentle fingertips, eyebrow raised as if he was waiting for you to clarify. “I... yes. I want you, Tae. God, I want you.” That was all he needed to hear, it seemed, his kiss feeling like it would swallow you up. Who knew he’d be this intense? Well, based off of Singularity, you should’ve known. His hands left your hips to tug your longer sweater dress off your body and over your head. You laid beneath him now in only leggings, leg warmers, and your underwear.

Long, delicate fingers traced the lace detail on your baby pink bra before they dipped up and inward to map out the swell of your cleavage. “Fuck... I can’t believe this... look at you.” He seemed beside himself and you blushed under his gaze, eyes tracing his features. He had gained a lot of muscle over the last few months, looking absolutely delectable. Your tongue and teeth were practically itching to trace every inch of him. And dammit... you meant every inch.

He called you up with the waggle of his fingers before he reached behind you to undo your bra. It took a moment, and he laughed in his frustration before you helped him, his laugh softening against your lips. “I’ve dreamed of this moment, baby. Making you mine... showing you how you make me feel.” His deep voice left you vibrating under him, pressing closer wherever you could for contact. His fingers hooked under the tack of your bra and tugged, freeing your chest from its prison. You didn’t miss the little inhale he did as he laid eyes on you.

Your mind could have never imagined being the reason for Tae’s undoing. He looked so enraptured by just looking at you, but acted like a man starved as he kissed between them, over the soft mound of each as well, before he swirled a nipple with that skillful tongue of his and then all but swallowed it up. The sound you made was probably just as unbelievable because you were sure you didn’t sound like a damn pornstar. “God... Tae...”

He felt the need in your pleading words and use of his name, deft fingertips already shedding your leggings and panties right along with them. He needed to feel you. Instantly greeted by your slick arousal, he groaned and pulled back to watch his fingers work you into a panting frenzy. “That’s all because of me? Damn baby, I should’ve made a move a long time ago... fuck, look at you.” You wished you could. For now, you’d have to take his word for it. “Ah... mhmm, like that.”

“I’ll taste you fully another day baby. Right now I need to fill you up.” He sucked his fingers clean so lewdly that you clenched around nothing, dazed and needy as he stripped off his jeans and boxers. Jimin hadn’t lied. Tae was impressive on all accounts. He was perfectly thick, longer than you’d expected, and the softest dusty pink you had ever imagined. Any other day you might’ve sobbed and begged to suck him off. But right now... you needed him buried to the hilt inside you.

“Condom?”

You almost missed the question, and you sputtered to life, fingers reaching to touch him as you kissed his lips. “No, I’m a big girl. I come protected thanks to Mirena.” He blinked and you laughed. “Sorry... birth control.” Finally understanding, you squeaked when he launched forward, scooping you up to drag you up the bed, before he dipped between your thighs and wasted not another second in connecting your bodies.

You’d never felt so full. So whole. So... stuffed.

“Oh my god.”

He grunted when you grappled with his body, trying to hang on somehow when he thrusted. It was so much all at once that you made a ridiculous attempt to catch your breath at the same time it was being forced out of you. “Are you ok?” He whimpered, his next thrust gentler as you nodded. Your Head was too far gone to form sentences, so you inhaled softly, able to breathe again, and stroked his face. “I’m fine... so big. Fuck.” His smirk was your only warning before he snapped his hips again, with gusto, earning frantic noises from your lips before he tried to silence them with a kiss.

“You’re so fucking tight... damn.”

You were vaguely aware of his arm over you, gripping the headboard so it didn’t hit the wall. Legs hitched up higher, your brain spiraled down into pleasure as he let himself go, fucking you into the mattress. His pace was almost bruising, the poor man having been driven insane over the last few months, wanting you but not knowing if he could have you. Gasping your praises as he pushed you over the edge, you caught the perfect sight of Taehyung losing his mind over how you clenched around him through your blurry vision.

“Fuck baby, that’s it... take it.”

He was so damn dirty, and you loved it. Feeling him empty himself into you after a handful of stuttering thrusts, you fell limp under him, only to be scooped up and held close. Taehyung groaned as he laid back in his bed, letting you straddle him. Hot kisses spread up your throat and along your jaw before he kissed you in a much softer way, almost lazy and indulgent. “I promise I’ll go softer in round two baby... I just couldn’t wait...” you found your words as you laughed, pulling from his lips to look him in the eye. “Wait for what?” His smirk told you something dirty was coming, and he snorted. “You know... like you said about the turkey...” He chuckled at your face, and licked his lips.

“You said it needed extra stuffing.”

[charmergirl2468]

Akeshu (Selfshipping)- A Peaceful Sanctuary

HEADS UP: SPOILERS!!!!

This is just a small slice of this weird daydream where I’m in Akira’s body and go through the main game, except with my own persona being Atalanta! And mostly a fantasy of being able to talk Akechi down from the end game. Please enjoy this small sliver of insanity~

Walking into La Blanc was just like every other since I came here. The bell ringing from the front door, the smell of coffee swirling in the air, and Sakura’s greeting of “oh, you’re back”. There’s even that comfortable aura I’ve always headcanoned was permeating the place. It was a grounding place for me, seeing as most of this world is still a vast, confusing maze for me. Seriously, I bet none of the Lets players have tried to walk in the city without using the quick travel.

But the one thing that always disrupted the picture of Le Blanc that’s kept me sane is one Goro Akechi showing up randomly, just like today.

I have nothing against Akechi personally, despite my private nick name of him being Sketchy Akechi. But him showing up without a schedule, something I can keep track of and prepare for, makes it harder for me to be at ease with him. Especially considering what’s to come… I shouldn’t think about it now!

I was at least familiar with the time frame, where Akechi was getting scorn from the public eye for calling out the Phantom Theives. There’s at least that comfort in this crazy mess. But I’m not comfortable with how miserable Akechi is feeling, even if he doesn’t know I know. Something about Akechi finding solstice in Le Blanc felt like daja vu, but I couldn’t pin point what.

Still, just because I know what happens doesn’t mean I can’t be nice. I walk around the counter, putting the bag with Morgana by the stairs to slip into the attic, and pulled out a glazed chocolate chip scone from my secret stash. Akechi stared at me when I put it on a small plate and placed it in front of him. He made a move to grab his wallet, but I quickly stopped him.

“Woah woah woah!” I went, waving my hands side to side, “No need! It’s on the house. We can call it an active detectives discount”

“Oh…” he breathed, putting his wallet back and looking slightly shocked, “That’s very generous of you, but won’t Sakura-San get upset over you handing out product like that?”

“No need to worry, my dude. That delicious glazed scone with delectable chocolate chips is an Akira original from my own secret stash~”

So what if I’m showing off? He gets to be a detective from the cases he creates with the Metaverse, and is a conspirator with an attempted rapist. I’m allowed to let my old Anglophile phase shine through for a bit. ‘Sides, scones never hurt anyone.

“Amazing…” Akechi quietly gawked, taking the first bite. His eyes went wide open from the surprise deliciousness. At least, that’s what I’ll tell myself. “You made this yourself, Kurusu-San?”

“Not really, I mostly followed a recipe online and added chocolate chips and glaze. But I still loved playing with the dough and making this yum-tastic!”

I decided to sit next to him with a scone of my own, taking huge bites compared to his tiny ones. Seriously, who feeds this boy and is it enough? He looks normal but no human takes that tiny of bites. Than again, someone getting sucked into a game and becoming the protag, cis-gender and all, isn’t in the realm of normal either.

Akechi interrupted my train of thought with “Do you enjoy baking, Kurusu-San?”

“Oh, oh yeah!” I stuttered out, “Mostly stuff I hear about online or see on tv. There was one time I baked and frosted cookies at like 11 at night and made them look like different country flags!”

That story at least got a chuckle out of him, making me blush a little. Dammit, why does he have to be so evil and yet so hot!? I know I shouldn’t be attracted to him, all things considered, but something draws me to him. Like how flys will hang around any kind of sweet. Maybe I’m over thinking it.

Once his chuckle was over, his eyes returned to a saddened gaze at the counter. The whole world is ridiculing him, even though it’s part of his plan. No amount of mental fortitude or after school programs can prepare for all those angry, violent, hateful words. He reminds me of…

I put an arm near his, getting him to look at me. “Listen, from one dude to another, don’t worry about the people tweeting or whatever about hating you. They’re the kind of people who follow trends for the sake of trends and throw logic out the window. I’d bet my bottom dollar that they’ll find another sap to get pissy about once this blows over.”

His eyes looked glossy, like he was holding back tears. Maybe he was and I couldn’t tell.

“Honestly, if they’re going to judge you based on this incident alone and ignore the hard work you put in to being a damn detective at our age, they can fuck themselves with a cactus! Just because you were cautious of the Phantom Thieves doesn’t make you a monster. It means you were analytical and wanted to make a decision with all the facts! If they have an issue with that, they’re dumber than an anti-vaxxer!”

Akechi surprised me with something I’d never in a million years thought I’d get to see; he genuinely smiled at me. Not his fake polite smile, not his crazed hopped up smile, just a smile of relief and comfort.

“T-That was a surprising speech…” he muttered out, probably trying his damnest not to cry. “D-Do you speak from personal experience?”

I looked at the counter myself, thinking back to all the things people have said about me. I shake my head like it’s an etch-a-sketch and return my attention to Akechi.

“Maybe a little…” I answered quietly, stuffing my mouth with scone so he can’t ask me anymore questions.

Akechi returned to his fake smile and turned to Sojiro.

“I should be going” he said, moving out of his seat “Thank you for having me. The coffee was delicious! As was that scone~”

He walked out of the store without looking back.

Once I swallowed my scone I excused myself to the attic and sat on the futon with a sigh.

“Charm?” Morgana pipped up, “What the hell was all that? You sounded… experienced…”

I ran my fingers through my hair, the same stress tick I’ve had for years.

“Just stuff from the past back home. Nothing to worry about.” I excuse with a faint smile, “I’ve buried most of it anyways so it doesn’t bother me anymore”

“If you say so…”

I laid out on the makeshift bed and covered myself with a blanket, Morgana curling up near my feet. The attic wasn’t well insulated in the slightest but it’s livable with a fan and a space heater. Plus one cat warming my feet for free isn’t bad.

“Do you mind if I ask you something else?” Morgana questioned as we settled down.

“Go for it” I replied while glancing at my phone in case Yuki gives us a request.

“Why were you trying to comfort Akechi? People are being mean to him but he brought it on himself by trying to doubt us”

I stared at the ceiling for a second, phone hand resting on the mattress.

“Mostly because… he shouldn’t have this huge a back last to being cautious. He didn’t dance on graves or isn’t a racist asshole. He’s a teenager who didn’t know how we’re doing things and was very skeptical of that. He has every right to be wary of us, but people are treating him like he’s the devil incarnate. It’s not fair to him… he’s still a kid, like us…”

“I… I guess that makes sense” he admitted.

We really didn’t do much talking after that. I just stared at the ceiling until I fell asleep. I couldn’t remember much of my dream, but I do remember seeing a red crow chilling on the back of a grey wolf laying down.

[serenityandstardust]

100 Things

June 13, 2012

I had reconstructive surgery on my knee due to an 100% tear to my ACL.

I don’t know how to ice skate.

I’ve never been skiing — water or ice.

I’ve never been on a cruise.

I have a son, age 6.

My career is in education.

My cat’s name is Arwin — a LOTR character.

I live 5 miles from the ocean.

I lost 80 pounds in the past year.

I’m tired of superhero movies.

I like my steak medium rare.

I love Disney World. I could ride Space Mountain over and over and over.

I collect shot glasses from around the globe — places I’ve been or places my friends have been.

I have a tendency to wear a song out; I play it over and over again.  My 6 year old criticizes me for it.

I love college sports.

I get silly when I get sleepy.

I play with my food when I am full.

I hate professional sports — no heart…they are in it for the money.

I played softball for 8 years; was a prospective catcher for a local university until I tore my knee to shreds.

I played volleyball for 2 years; I had a killer overhand serve.  Aces on that back line.

My first kiss was at my sweet 16 birthday party.  We were a little pressured.  I can’t even remember his name.

On a dare, I drove a car a 100+ mph on a two lane highway with the headlights out on a back country road for five minutes.  

I used to be afraid of guns until I shot a AR-15.

I am a sorority girl.

I prefer a calla lily to a rose.

I have 5 holes in my ears.

I have a dragonfly tattoo on my foot.  The tail wraps up around my ankle bone.

I teach high school kids. They are a blast.  I tried my hand at primary and elementary, and did not enjoy it as much.

I used to sell insurance.  

My favorite color is purple.

I like things that sparkle in sunlight.

I have cooked an entire Thanksgiving dinner successfully without help. For 32, I’d say that isn’t bad.

I’ve lived in a foreign country (Spain, actually) for two years.

I took 5 years of Spanish, including conversational Spanish, and I barely know how to count to a hundred. I can comprehend it though…oddly enough; I can read it and understand it when spoken to me.  

My brother is a “recovering” drug addict. I was caught up in his drama for a long, long time.

I have two nieces and a nephew.

I am the oldest grandchild of 8 on my father’s side.

Don’t let my shyness fool you.  I have a naughty side.

I still sometimes use my fingers to count. This is BAD.

I can’t live in a land-locked state. Once I leave the coast, I start to feel claustrophobic.

I have a natural ability in art. It is nothing I pursued in life, but I dabble with it on the side.

I make homemade silver jewelry. Again, nothing I pursue in life, but I have made a few bucks on some of my crafts.

I wanted a second child, but that time has passed for me. I am happy with my son—he is my world.

I hate spiders. And snakes. Or anything that buzzes around my ear. Just thinking of these these things makes me shiver, literally.

I have been with my husband for 15 years and married for 9.  And I want a divorce.

I absolutely hate mopeds on major highways. The speed limit is 55 or 65. If you can’t hit the speed limit, keep the fucking two wheeled piece of shit off the road.

I love strawberries. Anything strawberry.

I only chew spearmint gum.

I only wear silver or black jewelry.

I wear contacts. And glasses at night. But 99.9% of the time…contacts.

One of my endearing phrases is “You’re a mess.” If I say it to you, it means I like you.

I love the beach, the salt water, the sand, the smell, the sounds.  It’s home.

I am extremely shy until you get to know me, then…you’ll have a hard time shutting me up.

I am very ticklish. Very very ticklish.

I love to learn. For me, it is never ending.

I have nine lives. I’ve almost drowned, I’ve been in a near death car accident, I’ve attempted suicide (a couple of times), I’ve had incurable bone cancer that miraculously healed without medical help.

I love spending time with my son.  I love getting on the floor, down on his level and playing with him, coloring with him, and pretending that I’m six again.

I have premonitions. I have dreams that come true. Some good, some bad, some sad, but they always come true.

I love to listen to music, especially in the car…but when I’m at home, alone…I enjoy the quiet.  I like to hear myself think.

I do not believe in God, but I believe in something. I choose not to give it a name.  I am very spiritual—a free spirit…so to speak.

I’ve been told by many that I have an old soul.

Many debate the color of my hair. Some say brown. Some say auburn.  I suppose it depends if you are looking at me under direct sunlight.

I want to travel. I want to backpack around the country and around the world. I want to take very little with me…just a camera and a journal.

I do NOT have a green thumb. Check my porch for proof.  I mean, I tried. I really did.

I kill with kindness.

I am persistent. Good lord, I’m persistent. Someone once told me that I never stop until I get my way.  I’m thinking this was his way of saying I’m selfish.

I am insecure. I get jealous easily, I have low self-esteem, I doubt myself and others.

I like to sing. I suck horribly at it, but I won’t sing around you.

If the world is going to end, I’ll be standing outside hitching a ride with my towel in hand.

I wish I had my own Narnia closet. What I wouldn’t give to live a thousand lifetimes and come back to be me again and again.

I am a crier. If you are close to me, really close…and I come over…be sure to have a box of tissues.  I cry sad tears, mad tears, happy tears.

I am not skinny or thin.  Though I despise the words fat and obese, I don’t feel that I am neither fat nor obese.  I am me, curves and all.  Women like me were once adored…a long time ago.

I have been known to make the first move, but would prefer the guy to. I still fear rejection.

I love body sprays, but hate perfumes.  I like a light lingering fragrance that I can spritz on anytime…nothing overpowering or choking.

I like spicy food. The older I get, the spicier it has to be.

I hate the way I look. HATE.

I have been published.

I have sold artwork.

I am never sitting down anywhere in my house without a throw blanket wrapped around me. My hands are cold all the time too.

I hate the smell of ketchup.  Just thinking about it makes me cringe.

My go to mixed drinks of choice sre an ameretto sours or a lemon drops.

I’ve never broken a bone in my body. Torn muscles and ligaments, yes…but no bones.

I love to dance, funny as shy as I am, but a little liquid courage helps.

Beatles or Elvis? If I had to pick…Elvis.

I carry a purse with me…in my car, but to fucking tote it in the mall or a restaurant? No.

My hair is naturally wavy.  You wouldn’t know it looking at pictures.

I’m short. 5’2 or 5’3 depending on the time of day you measure me. But hel, when I played volleyball, I was all palms above the net.

I love to read/watch anything science fiction (except the old Star Trek stuff - blame my uncle).

I love read/watch anything horror (blame my dad).

I smoke, probably way too much.

My erotic name … Chloe. (shhh) *she was my first kitten*

I am a ball of nerves.

I have tiny hands, or so I’ve been told.

I hate to see a man hide his butt.  Forget baggy, show me your ass, dammit!  On the other hand, I fall swiftly for the 90s alternative/grunge type. My men. My god…how they drive me crazy.

As much as I share online, there is a lot that I don’t share. The really personal stuff?  I save that for special people.

I love with all of my heart, all of my soul.  I give everything I have.

[thehappymessproject]

14/100 - The reluctant yogi -  Part 1

I still can’t believe I almost do yoga everyday now. Writing it sounds like a joke to me. No, seriously! 

Let’s go back a few years, shall we?

I’ve been a bookish girl my whole life, from the moment I knew how to read, I would disappear in fictional worlds hours at the time. It wasn’t hard to find me, ever, the answer would usually be : curled up somewhere with a book, have you look into her bedroom or the garden? 

As a lot of people, I’ve been socialised to think you can only have one thing, and my thing would therefore be books and other brainy stuff.

Unsurprisingly, I didn’t do well in sports. No one ever told me that exercise was as learnable as any skill. People would just making me do sporty stuff, seeing me fail at my first try (as opposed to any brainy activity, for which I had much more practice and therefore confidence), and brush it off with a laugh, inviting me to go back to my books before I got hurt or killed by ridicule. 

“It’s really not your thing, huh?” 

But you know what happens to people who never exercise? Especially for those who broke their backs in a car accident and had to relearn how to walk at 16? 

Around 25, I started to feel physically old. Not as in “Oh, I can’t really do that anymore, I’m too old for that stuff”-old. More of a “Why TF do I feel like I’m suddenly 70 and about to die and have to retire my body forever???”-old. 

Fortunately at the time, I was living in London for a couple of years, and discovered that, on this side of the Channel, English doctors seemed way more concerned by my lack of physical activity compared to the French I had been seeing for 10 years (even for back pain). There, I would literally be treated (pretty fairly) as someone who didn’t want to live very long and wasn’t very interested in caring for her body. 

The more I would feel stuck, rusty, and old, the more I would find some courage to actually try to exercise. It went quite awfully. Mindset is a tricky thing. And I was absolutely certain I hated most physical exercise. The only 2 disciplines I was kind of ok with were swimming (I always loved being in the water, and had to swim twice a week for my walking rehabilitation) and pilates. But fuck did Pilates feels awful and hard. 

I went to my first gym, and started doing yogilates once in a while with a lovely teacher. Rose was always so gentle and calm, so far from all the teachers that made me run for the hills in the past. Nothing like someone seemingly frantically happy to torture me and wanting me to fake being happy too to feel like a sweating exhausted cow to make me flee. 

And then came Adriene. Rose was wonderful, but her class was every Sunday at 1, and lasted 1.5hrs. Being there on time and staying was still torture for the weekend and late mornings lover I am. So when a friend of mine asked if I wanted to try some yoga online with her during our Skype, I was curious to see if I could really exercise at home, and maybe even enjoying it. 

We started with a video specifically designed for people who never did yoga and want to casually try it out. It wasn’t easy. But she didn’t pretend it was. She was encouraging, especially in the hard parts, well aware of how hard it could be. Adriene was advocating everything I felt was really difficult to practice in my daily life : taking care of myself, give myself love, building a better relationship with my body, feeling strong, gracious and control of my body. She was everything I would have hoped to find in the numerous teachers I encountered my whole life. 

And the stretching... Oh lord it felt like what my body had always waited for. My body, previously an uninviting and intrusive stranger to me in most situations, was feeling so happy, a bit like I was feeling when I had an afternoon of summer playing in the pool and having tons of fun. For the first time in years, I actually felt physically at ease, rested and content.

“THIS! This is what I want dammit! What didn’t you give me more of it??” 

And from that day, a bit more than 3 years ago, I started a baffling journey for me, getting acquainted with my body and building a new, yummier and more loving relationship with my body. It was chaotic, and hard. And beautiful. It still is. I can’t wait to share more of it with you. 

See you tomorrow, 

Love, 

L.

[secretblogofthedepressedanon]

April 23, 2021

I keep losing my cool at things that don’t require that, and I don’t like it. I am recognizing the pattern & the problem easier now, but I still can’t seem to get myself out of it when I am in it. I try, but it’s like once I get all wound up, the ‘off’ switch is rendered useless for a period of time. The impulses are so strong and I am so amped up. Like my fight or flight response is on 10 and the only thing I can do now is dive right through it. I dunno.

Today, it was dumb and I just got overwhelmed and when I got overwhelmed I got angry. Why do I always get angry? Why is that the emotional response? Either way I don’t like it.

I guess I just feel like I need somewhere to properly redirect it. Like I get anxious or irritated or whatever about something, and then I have nothing to do with it. Nowhere to put it. I guess I need a creative outlet, but really how is that going to help when I get pulled into a mess like that suddenly? Where I don’t have the ability to just go paint or draw or whatever it is that I want / need to do. I need something else, something I can do to cool the impetuous anger as it is happening, not later. Not after I have made a mess of things.

I guess really that’s one of my issues, I get irrational and impulsive and I make a mess out of things and then I cannot unsort it. It’s an ugly cycle I have repeated before, over and over and I really feel like it is getting old. To tell you the truth, I just feel like I am a ball of emotions that I cannot control, understand, or follow. Everytime I think I understand, something new crops up or I present the *same bullshit* with a new process / thought cycle every fucking time and I hate it.

What is my issue with letting myself be happy? 

Lol like why do I self sabotage so much?? What is my god damn deal? 

He won’t put up with this forever. I wouldn’t anyways. He is endlessly kind and understanding and patient in ways that I, reasonably, deserve but... I feel like I don’t. I feel like I am undeserving and wild and neurotic and just absolutely out of my mind. Logically, I understand that that’s just my brain telling me those things because it is in unhealthy. I understand that I am just doing my best, and that I deserve unconditional love & kindness...

But when I look at him when I am out of control. When I am just upset and losing my mind  I just feel like he is so good. So kind and strong and sincere and level and he just doesn’t deserve the way I behave. And I really am trying to do better, learn more, and become emotionally / mentally well. I really am. And I can see the progress I am making. And yet.. I just feel like I keep failing him, as if by not being able to regulate myself I am just hurting him. And it isn’t fair to him. I know he chooses to be here. I know he loves me, genuinely. And I know he wants to help me, and that those moments are not all of who I am. I know he sees so much more to me than that... But I just can’t help but to feel like this cycle that I am stuck in... He doesn’t deserve to have to be there for this. He doesn’t deserve to have to watch me struggle like that, or watch me lose control or be that way. I want him to be with someone who can help him in the ways he needs, as he has done for me. 

I want to be that person more than anything. And I am working on it. I am trying so hard, I am doing the shadow work and I am confronting the things within myself that scare or disappoint me. Really, I am.  But I still just feel like he could be leagues & miles ahead of where we are now if he didn’t have me weighing him down or dragging him backwards. 

Is that just more of my brain talking, or is it the intelligence & awareness to know that I am fucking up? I don’t even know anymore. 

I need to get into therapy. I know I do. I am working hard, and its good, but I cannot do it alone. And asking for help isn’t bad or wrong. It’s just taking care of myself & doing what I need to do to make it through life without struggling with this forever. I deserve that. I deserve to be free of this bullshit, of this fucking absolute shitshow of managing my own brain and emotions. I deserve to be able to navigate life with the proper tools & abilites to take care of myself, and my own mental well being. 

And it’s time I do what I Can to take my own energy and my own health and make it fuckin better. I am gonna grow dammit.

I changed my twitter handle today to reflect that statement. Lol I feel like I am opening up in ways I never thought. I mean, first of all, truly baring my soul on the internet is totally never what I imagined for myself. I guess really I should have always expected it, I basically grew up online lol. Outside who? Bitch I was on myspace when I was 10, I spent more hours on internet forums and Neopets n shit than I ever did with my family. And repeatedly, I was made to feel bad about it by them. Now, I understand that I did some things that were way way too mature for my age, I know that in my desperate search for community and belonging, I was taken advantage of in ways. The internet is a dangerous and scary place for kids, especially improperly supervised, depressed, lonely, and desperate kids. I am lucky I am alive, and haven’t had anything exceedingly dangerous happen to me. 

That being said, they should have seen those things for what they were. Loneliness. A need for friendship, a need to be understood, to have real human connection. I was far too young to understand and communicate those needs, and due to the absolute neglect of my family, I had yet to learn that (and am still working on learning how to recognize and express those needs) myself. But them? My mom? My father? They were adults. They should have seen how desperately and seriously I needed help.

It was their responsibility to make sure I got help, to make sure I was properly loved & taken care of. And they didn’t. And that is their fault. Their failures to help me are on them. Their inability to give me the proper care and love and childhood that I needed... That was on them. And that is how and why I turned to the internet. 

I mean, fuck, the internet taught me so much that they never did. I learned about sex and relationships, money, life all on the internet. I have lived behind a screen, a secret identity all its own for many many years. I have hidden myself digitally all throughout the years. If you knew where to look, you can find evidence of me growing up everywhere. Little digital snapshots in the life of me.

I wonder what that would look like. If I could go back over all the things I have ever done on the internet. How many hours I spent on websites like Gaia or StumbleUpon or Pinterest or Reddit. How many times have I shared parts of myself for strangers on the internet, praying for an audience, just waiting for someone to see me. Someone. 

How ironic, then, is it that I met the man who really sees me, all of me, in a more tangible physical way? I spent so long aching for someone to find me any other way, never once imagining that if I met him that way.... It could work. I guess that has a lot to do with the neglect I suffered in my childhood. No one ever taught me how to have confidence in the things I do, or in myself. Hell, I can probably count on my hands how many things about life my parents taught me. 

As I heal and grow and look back on my past, I wish I could do so much of it over again. Like, I don’t really because I ended up in a place that is doing so much for me, but at the same time... If I had this kind of knowledge / emotional health then.. Imagine where I could be now? As strong and capable and determined as I am, as much work as I have put into surviving... Imagine the woman I could be if I didn’t have to. If I could’ve developed healthy habits and traits from the beginning... If I could have channeled that energy into something more, something better... who would I be now? How different would my life be if I hadn’t been robbed of my right to a happy & healthy childhood? If I didn’t have to ask myself ‘why aren’t I happy’ as young as six? 

For goodness sake I can remember wanting to run away from home as young as then. I literally remember packing a bunch of stuff into some walmart bags into a backpack. Telling myself I would leave after nightfall. I didn’t even have a plan, I didn’t know where I would go, what I would do. And so even then, in my underdeveloped, underloved child mind, I knew I had to stay.

In my dirty, neglected, God forsaken home. I stayed. 

Where I was lonely, where I didn’t know healthy love, where I ached for someone just to want me, I stayed.

I mean, it wasn’t that conscious of a choice. It isn’t like I had the emotional intelligence then to tell you what I am now. But even then, I could tell you I was unhappy.  I wouldn’t have had the words for why, though.

I wouldn’t have been able to tell you how lonely I felt, how much I felt I didn’t belong anywhere or with anyone. But that’s how I felt. I felt misunderstood. Invisible. I couldn’t understand why my siblings never wanted to spend time with me. Why my father would never come out of his room. Why my mom spent all of her time on the computer, playing internet games with her friends. They were all so caught up in trying to be happy for themselves, that no one had time to care about my emotional needs.

Yeah, I was fed. I never went without clothes or toys or food. 

But all of my most defining moments, happened without any of them. The moments that made me, me. 

I think the reason I find those cheesy coming of age shows so unrelatable (not that I don’t enjoy them, they get me as much as they get others) is because to me... That family dynamic is unrealistic. It feels fake, like who actually lives like that? What kind of kid actually comes home to cry in their mom’s arms about  high school breakups, or middle school crushes? It feels unreal, because for me it never was a reality. I basically figured out how to exist within the parameters of my own mind and body. Most of the things I know about being a person have to do entirely with how I exist within myself. The curves and treads of my mind. My soul’s wishes and whispers and secrets. 

I have to learn how to grow. How to exist more on the outside of myself. How to take up more space. I have to learn to be loud about who I am to just be myself, unashamed and unstoppable. I was not created to be afraid of myself, I was created to be the full sunshiney, hopeful, sarcastic, witty, kindhearted, generous woman I am becoming. 

[panticwritten]

Tag Game - 10 Questions x 3

I was tagged by @kclenhartnovels, @luminahart, and @yourbitchystudentwriter for this one, and I’ll answer all 30 questions in this one post! That way I don’t spam anyone’s dash and I also only have to think of 10 questions instead of 30 when I’m done haha.

Thank you so much, you three, for tagging me! I love these questions!

Rules: The Rules: answer these ten questions, create ten of you own, then tag ten people.

I’ll answer the questions under the break!

Round One!

1. What is your OC’s biggest pet peeve?

I’ll just answer for the three OCs of mine that have shown up in Breaking Furnace so far!

Sawyer hates unexpected changes in plan and unnecessarily repetitive noises. Like. Stop knocking after a couple seconds, they promise they heard you. Please condense those hundreds of tiny short messages into one longer one the pings are gonna drive them crazy.

Connor has a problem with people bad mouthing Sawyer, if you didn’t get that from Chapter 5 of Breaking Furnace lmao.

Dominic is touchy about topics dealing with family (”family is so important!” “you can always turn to your family!”). Basically, keep your perfect family narrative away from him or he’ll be forced to remind you that his father was the leader of a human trafficking cartel, which certainly won’t ruin your day as much as you’ve ruined his.

2. What book that you’ve read did you wish you had written, or think you could have written better?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man this is a hard one. When it comes to wishing I had written a book like “Dammit, I wish I’d had that idea!” I would probably say Rot & Ruin by Jonathan Maberry. I still haven’t finished that series, but DAMN that was a good zombie book.

If it’s like “Wow, that’s a good concept but bad execution” hand me the rights to Twilight and Fifty Shades. Please let someone make these relationships healthy and not completely terrifying. Please.

With both, I think I would say Hunger Games. Like, the execution wasn’t BAD, but I read those books and see places where like. It could have been better. Better plot decisions could have been made.

You took Rue from us, Collins, why did you have to take Prim, too?

3. Which OC is smarter than you? What research did you have to do because of it?

Oh boy.

Notably, Jay is smarter than me. I haven’t written a ton with them in it so I haven’t had to do much research at all. They were created through a cloning process in which the Cube was manipulated to make them smarter and able to synthesize information faster than should be possible imo. They don’t have much formal education because of their unusual upbringing (see: Dominic’s father’s trafficking cartel), but they have sizable knowledge in biology, biochemistry, engineering, bio-engineering, nuclear sciences, psychology, pharmacology, computer sciences, geology, topography, and have been doing a lot of research into the way the Cube works (specifically the memory sectors). They’re also continuing looking into cloning. There’s a ton I’m missing but like?? I don’t really think I’m welcome in their labs these days haha.

Also, J (not Jay, easy mistake) is a lot better at thinking on their feet than I am haha. They’re like a prodigy with a sword, grew up learning how to fight and lie. I would die in a fight, whether with fists, swords, or any other weapons. And I’m only a good liar when I take too long to respond to a text/email.

4. If you were doing immersive research for your book, where/when would you have to travel?

I’ll do this one for Savior/Destroy, 100 Shades, and TS because those are the ones that doesn’t take place in a concept of a place. BF and SORH both take place in concepts because of the nature of those daydreams. 

For Savior/Destroy, I would really just need to be a fly on the wall of business happenings (same for 100 Shades, ugh), to get a feel for how that field actually works. There’s a lot you can’t research online effectively.

For 100 Shades, I would really need to spend some time in Seattle and Denver. I know little to nothing about either area, and I’ve been putting off research since I’m not writing it yet.

Trollhunters: Subverted would suck because I would have to go on a nice timeline trip starting around 500 BCE in what is now Bulgaria. There’s a lot of running around in that general area for a time. Starting around 1400 CE, I would want to be in Britain. Also, it would be nice to know exactly what happened at Roanoke. And knowing exactly how the woods were in southern Oregon and northern California in the 1600-1800 would be rad.

5. Which character is most like you?

I’ll say. Other than the characters that are me.

Humphrey. He’s nice and sweet and kind of bad at lying except for that one thing that he’s been lying about for so long that it doesn’t even feel like a lie before. My daydreaming is just a much more innocuous secret than his. And he had to switch schools in the middle of a school year, he struggles with mental illness, he’s really not good at talking to people.

The thing is, he doesn’t write and he likes math so who the hell does he think he is?

6. What is your favorite scented candle and why?

There’s like a blood orange Glade candle that I smelled at Target the other day?? It was really nice, but i haven’t really let myself think about scented candles since I’m not allowed to have candles at all in my dorm (doesn’t stop me from having some tealights for my altar but eh).

I like incense, though, and I love voodoo (because it smells like chocolate and death. like, in a good way) and fizzee pop (because it’s like the scent version of carbonation). Coconut is my favorite for writing because it’s the one my sister and I burn when we have writing parties, so it’s just one that I like.

7. Do you have a bookshelf or library? What’s your ideal library look like?

I have a bookshelf over my bed with all of the books I brought to university with me. If I could have my ideal library, like, think Beauty and the Beast scale library full of informational texts, classics that I’ll probably never even read, ongoing series. It should have a faint scent of dust and paper fresh off a printer. There would be a full section for all the books published by the folks in the writeblr community.

It should have an air of being similar to how the Gryffindor common room is described as feeling.

Everyone would be invited to come and complain about writing whenever they want to. It would be warm, with tea and coffee provided in the very back where the books I don’t remember buying are shelved.

8. Who is your biggest tumblr fan of your writing?

Oh man. I would be stuck between maybe?? @breakeven2007 or @jade-island-lives. You two have responded to so much of my writing, and it’s so cool. I know there are others, and I’m gonna take this opportunity to thank all of y’all so much for everything. It means a lot to get these tags and to get responses to things that I’ve written.

9. What tv show/movie has influenced your writing the most? Or, which series do you wish you could help write?

Honestly. Probably. Pokemon. I grew up watching that show and it probably has a lot of influence on how I form stories and how I view different kinds of conflicts.

I want there to be a Harry Potter TV series and I would 100% want to help write it.

10. How do you feel about fanfiction of your work?

Fuck me up.

Round Two!

1. Describe your WIP in such a lamest way possible.

An idiot gets themself thrown in prison because they regret not killing someone.

2. Describe your WIP in the most epic way possible.

A group of friends return to a nightmare of their past to face it head on, but nothing is what it seems. Most of the group has ulterior motives and the monsters lurking in the shadows have plans of their own.

3. What do you usually wear when you write?

Gay clothes. Because I’m gay.

In all seriousness, I have a hard time getting into the mindset of writing if I’m not wearing my ring (which I got from a candle, it has a connection with the Trollhunters daydream), my nostalgia necklace (has my pentacle, a charm from a friend when I graduated, and a vial of my cat’s ashes), and my string of keys (my daydreams tie heavily in with keys and it feels wrong to write about them without the keys on my person). Loose, comfy clothes are also a plus but not a requirement.

4. What part of your story do you enjoy writing the most (action, dialouge, description etc.)? Why?

I like writing tender moments and dialogue. Like, I love writing scenes between me and Connor. I love finding the balance between what needs to be said and what should be left unsaid.

5. Do you prefer to write female or male protagonists? Why?

I prefer to write nonbinary protagonists, but that’s just because I’m nonbinary haha. I don’t really write women, men, or nonbinary folk any differently. 

6. What are your plans for your WIP after you have finished writing it?

I kind of want to get it bound so I can have physical copies of it, even if I’ll never be able to publish it.

7. Have you, or would you participate in NaNoWriMo?

I have, sort of. I never got more than a couple thousand words in, but eh. It was fun. My projects just weren’t viable for a quick-write. I want to try again in the future, but November is just such an inconvenient month. It’s the worst month of the year for me, and I don’t see myself being able to work through that enough to write a 50,000 word novel in a month.

8. What do you enjoy the most about your genre?

Haha, that would make it sound like I stick to one genre. I think a lot of it has mystery, thriller, supernatural, and urban fantasy qualities, though, so?? I love the flexibility. “They separated their consciousness from their body?” sure, it’s my universe so that can happen.

9. What was your favourite read of 2017?

I didn’t really read a lot in 2017, which is tragic. My favorite book of the year was The Square Root of Summer by Herriet Reuter Hapgood. I had to race the clock to read this one because I started reading it really close to the end of my senior year. It was so good, and it surprised me in a million different ways. The protagonist had to admit to herself her own shortcomings in the process of facing an uncertain future, an old childhood friend, and crazy physics.

It was a great book, and if you like YA novels without all of the unacknowledged unhealthy relationships I would really recommend it.

10. What are your hopes for your writing in 2018?

I want to finish Breaking Furnace, goddamn it.

Round Three!

1. What inspired your current WIP?

Breaking Furnace is inspired by Escape From Furnace and the daydreams I’ve had in that universe. I have no idea?? Why this universe is the one I got fascinated enough with to live through the events of the original series in different ways 8 times, though, so that’s whatever.

2. what would you describe your writing style?

According to my roommate, “Almost cynical. It’s like the dark parts of your brain mixed with your humor and have this big fucked up baby. But in a good way. Like, a really good way. Like, you wouldn’t actually stab someone, but you would.”

And I think that’s beautiful.

3. What is an Au that you would love to see written about your OCs?

Literally anything where they are happy. Just let them have peace.

4. tell us a funny writing story.

Okay, so. I have a couple.

I’m sure we all remember the ‘eghit’ debacle, when I was trying to type ‘height’ and realized I needed to go to SLEEP.

And also that drunk writing party. Where I drank a single Mike’s Harder Lemonade (not to be confused with the much wimpier Mike’s Hard Lemonade). And really underestimated how much alcohol was in it.

So, here’s the whole story.

My mom doesn’t like cranberry juice, and I poked fun that she had cranberry Mike’s Harder Lemonade. And out of that conversation I obtained permission to have it. So, my brilliant self decided that since sober me, exhausted me, and depressed me can’t get any writing done, maybe tipsy me could.

And I ended up practically chugging it because I drink everything way too fast. And so I was writing, doing some outlining, and after I started to fuck up way more than I wanted to I actually went and checked how much drinking that in less than an hour would raise my BAC and it p much drove me over .04 so I laughed at myself for a solid ten minutes then went to sleep.

When I looked the next day, I wrote a paragraph, outlined ~4 pages of content, and a lot of it was good. If you can discount the typos.

5. do you listen to music while you write? if so what kind typically?

I do! When I’m writing new content, I listen to playlists I’ve made for each of my projects. When I’m editing, I listen to a classical Pandora station because I can not have words in my ears counteracting the words in my eyes.

6. when did you start writing?

A year or so after my sister started writing (or, when she started letting me read her writing), so maybe fourth grade?

7.who’s you favourite OC?

HHHHHH probably Connor. Definitely Connor.

8. who’s your least favourite OC?

Dominiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiic

9. do you prefer 1st 2nd or 3rd person perspective?

First person. I haven’t written in third person in awhile, and I’m assuming I would still not hate it, but I like being in a character’s head.

I write in second person if I’m writing creepypastas, which I haven’t done in a couple years.

10. uhhh….IDk just talk about anything wip or writing related, you decide!

I! Am really excited about getting to the point in Breaking Furnace where it completely breaks from the plot of the original series. I grew so much throughout this daydream, and it’s gonna be really cool to share that with everyone. 

I really don’t want to spoil anything, but I also really want to talk about everything to do with Breaking Furnace.

Alright!

I’ll tag @panismightier, @breakeven2007, @jade-island-lives, @perringcentral, @angrymagicgirlmarsette, @vwritesfiction, @christinawritesfiction, @cadewrites, @happyk44, @lux-scriptum, but definitely don’t feel obligated to do it!

My questions for you!

1. How much research do you put into your projects, usually?

2. What do you draw the most inspiration from?

3. Favorite candy? How about your OC’s?

4. What are your OC’s star signs, and do their personalities fit their sign?

5. Which OC(s) secretly still have stuffed animals? Which one(s) have them, not so secretly?

6. Does your space have to be clean for you to write/draw?

7. What kind of view would you like to have from your desk?

8. Do you have an OC that doesn’t like to talk about their past? What do they have to hide?

9. Daytime writer or nighttime writer?

10. What trait do you least like in your favorite OC?

[fateshaped-a]

2017 summed up rp wise .

     so , 2017 is coming to an end and i’ve been thinking a lot about role play in terms of ; what on earth have 2017 been rp wise for me ? i’ve had a year that has gone by so-so both online & offline. i’ve met new and great people, i’ve lost touch with people & i’ve created characters and blogs that has given me new insight to things, in addition i’ve also tried to reconnect with old muses with very little luck. but, what is 2018 looking like for me, rp wise ? is there something i would like to improve ? 

     it’s no secret. lately i’ve had some issues with muse and writing, one of the ‘most problematic blogs’ ( as in ‘god dammit where’s my muse’ ) being @stckhlmr as andrew had reached the stunning follower count of 1.3k followers, which was great but --- hollow. followers do nothing for me and the counter, if anything, makes me anxious with time ; the more people that come around, the more pressured i feel to deliver, so i think one of the better things i did this year was remaking his blog. it brought a new, blank sheet to his story as it also gave me some space to sort out his future as a character. said relation has started to correspond here as well; what am i doing with my blog? what’s the future for all these original characters? do i really need all of them? it’s a constant ‘battle’ per say, something i debate on a daily basis --- i’m struggling to find my Place again, not that i ever had one to begin with. long story short ;  yes, there are things i’d like to aim for in 2018 that could improve my relation to my blogs.

     1 ) i want to try to enjoy writing again & reconnect with my characters’ voices somehow. i have hockey for my hockey muses, teaching for my teacher muses --- and then there’s the rest. all the others i gotta figure out and bring to life.

     2 ) i want to try to flesh out all the leftovers here, on this blog, because i hate coming off as a half-assed blog. it’s a personal perception of myself. if i don’t have my biographies up and running i feel ‘shitty’ and ‘incomplete’. it’s a personal pet peeve of mine, not being able to present a fully developed product, so i want to finish what i’ve started, now, before making more original characters.

     3 ) i want to write drabbles again, both here and on andrew, especially andrew because i loved writing drabbles for him when he was a fresh oc and there’s something about writing content that people are only going to read. i stopped writing drabbles, unless it was for someone specific, and i stopped because i lost motivation and it sucked. i’d love to try to do more drabbles and possible rediscover my love for writing.

     4 ) i want to try to improve socially, and i mean in a lot of ways. i think this is the most important part of my post, as my social skills have not been the best this year; i have nasty habits which revolves ignoring things until it goes away, dropping dead and not really opening up when something bothers me. it has cost me relations, which i do apologize for ( thought i highly doubt that someone i’ve lost touch with reads this ). this has been a weird year for me, but i’m not going to make any excuses for my behavior ; instead i’m leaving the apology, i’m sorry i’m distant & hard to communicate with, i am going to try to work on it as i want to improve, but i’m not sure how to improve.

                  4.5 ) i want to get better at saying no. i have a hard time turning down things when people ask me for stuff, and i have an even harder time saying ‘no you are actually wrong’ when it comes to in character things. i always voice my opinions on a general level, but rarely on a personal.

     5 ) i want to reach out more regularly. i want to get back into being positive to those around my dashboard. i want to try to bring the good vibes back up to a decent level, and i want to make people feel welcome around here ; this is a long term goal which i’ll have to tackle in various ways. but i’ll figure something out.

     the main aspect here is that i want to improve in general. i could write pages about how i’d like the rpc to change as a whole, but this one is directed at me and what i can do to improve my own experience with tumblr, a page i’ve dedicated way too many years to already. it’s about rediscovering the love i’ve felt for writing, creating and exploring. i want to feel the connection again and i want it to be contagious ; people call me a great writer, but i have not felt like a great writer this year --- and it’s about time i try to handle that problem. i want to be able to look at my works and say ‘my god, i am fucking great at this’, and i want to provoke emotions again. 

     it’s going to be a rough journey, i know that. but as a wise person once said; ‘the more effort you put into something, the greater the result becomes’ and there’s some truth in that. if you do work hard, or you work well with what you’re developing, then of course it’ll show a great result. i keep telling my students this, but maybe it’s time i try to tell myself, too. 

     i want to fall in love with my creations again, and i hope you’ll help me.

thank you for reading, thank you for staying & thank you for being around. have some very, very nice remaining days of 2017 ; let’s make 2018 a year full of self discovery and fun.