#fuck living in a society i want to do my little creative things

[graciousdragon]

y'all help i listened to Let Me Out again and The Brainrot has taken over i'm going fucking feral how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions. i brought my fucking Dawktrap plushie with me to college he is in my bag next to me rn i'm not even joking its that bad

[elodieunderglass]

It's not really my business, but honestly it feels like it would be advisable to hire a copyright lawyer. Like I don't feel like you're in it for the money, but it might be gratifying to have the guy milking your idea at least have to formally acknowledge you. I think I'd do it just for the peace of mind to know if I've been "legally" wronged or not. Either way, hope you continue to inspire, and live out a peaceful life.

(In reference to this post about the guy who pretends to have invented “Elder Teletubbies,” specifically how he is now kickstarting DnD minis of them.)

Ha, well, it’s all a little tricky I think. I might, hilariously, post on the r/legaladvice Reddit (even though they’re all cops lol) because the only thing I want here is for him to stop selling my “transformative work,” and ideally to stop pretending he invented it (which might be difficult as he appears to fully believe his work is creatively independent.)

I think if anything, my post counts as protected commentary or a transformative work of BBC’s Teletubbies, and I think it’s stinky to profit on that stuff in general (like I’m 190% okay with buying LotR fanart on stickers ! but I wouldn’t dream of trying to publish a fic with the serial numbers filed off. Why?)

I think ultimately I’m not a grifter, I’m a grownup, and I think it’s several levels of eye roll to sell fanart of a tv show on this level. I would be embarrassed to touch money made on that. I’m too fucking scrupulous and artisanal. I have toyed with a silly original novel for funsies since 2019 but keep saying things like, “oh, people will think this is too similar to something else that already exists” as if a silly original novel I write for fun has to somehow pass a Bar of Originality higher than anything salary-writers aim for.

I’m also pretty anti-intellectual-property myself in that leftist sense where I don’t believe people should be acting as if creative works are, like, oil. Like the resource extraction angle of intellectual property freaks me out, I don’t think getting super high-horse and snotty about Magical Brain Property is entirely compatible with the artisanal temperament I personally got going on here. I am like snufkin about this, simply smoking a pipe and making a flower crown saying “poor fools! Producing works for market, and serving as the guard dogs of the market, lest their work lose value if it becomes more common!” I do not have a high horse. I am not going to post 6900 words about the importance of defending fucking… Mickey Mouse. I buy those lotr stickers on Etsy! I do have a horse, but it’s a pretty low horse.

If it was his own work I would not care about this guy doing this in the least (apart from loftily calling it stinky - but hey, nerds are common and nerds are stinky, it’s not rare) IF he wasn’t STEALING FROM MY ANTI-COMMERCIALISATION DREAM TO DO IT.

That’s the bit that PISSES ME OFF too much to ignore: that and accepting compliments for being original like 😌 yes my twisted mind did this idk lol.

Like if you asked him point blank about the artistic choices he’d be like idk my twisted mind just sees the Teletubbies this way teehee! but if you ask ME why, for example, the adult Teletubbies live in the forest I’ll explain that in 2017 I was at a major life crossroads and this dream was ABOUT that. It was goodbye to my identity as a foreigner from the pine forests, and full steam ahead to settling permanently in the fucking shire (where the baby teletubbies on the bbc show live). It was about going back to work having had my first child, and saying goodbye to my various career dreams for myself (famous scientist! Published author!) as I chose instead, finally, the responsibility of working humbly as a public servant for the actual good of society. It is about witnessing the wild and saying “I am not of it, but it is my job to be its witness and voice.” That’s why the adult Teletubbies are dancing in my native forests while I’m watching them from the English hills. This guy doesn’t know that he just vaguely heard “spooky forest cryptid” and didn’t develop it at all, I do more work than that with FANFICTION in my time off!!!

So it’s really about nebulous stuff and ethics and not something worth paying a lawyer for I think!

But thank you so much for this, I think the thing that gets most perennial about it is the TOTAL GASLIGHTING of the “outside world” of the rest of the internet like, fully believing they invented this, and they DIDNT. They’re so wrong on the internet and they don’t know

[paper-mario-wiki]

what's ur favorite erb?

i dont have "favorite" as much as i have "the ones i watch every now and again".

"Blackbeard vs Al Capone" i might just like the way EpicLloyd speaks as Capone, but i also cant help but be utterly entranced by a shouting match between to middle aged men who want the other one to be scared. Favorite verse: Capone 1 (of 2)

"Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder" although this one still has the signature simple and cheesy bar structure that ERB is known for, this is PEAK in terms of performers. nicepeter and epiclloyd (the main guys) are great, but after the first 30 videos it became very easy to detect their individual deliveries and cadences. t-pain is pretty iconic in his performance of stevie wonder. Favorite verse: Stevie 2 (of 3)

"Stephen King vs Edgar Allan Poe" watzky was unfortunately cursed by god to forever look like a little twerp, but he works with it really well and it fits very well for the real-life twerp that was Edgar Allan Poe. and zach sherwin is always a charismatic force to be reckoned with, his uniquely clever writing style and flow shining. Favorite verse: Stephen King 2 (of 2)

"Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock" this one's just good fun. its a little battle royale among a bunch of really famous pop directors. i know that the character-appropriate cgi background is a staple of post-season-one ERB, but i really appreciate these ones specifically for some reason. Favorite verse: Alfred Hitchcock

"Kryptonite" this isnt an ERB and is in fact a completely unrelated normal rap song but i was listening to this one today. my oldest brother listened to a lot of rap when i was young and this one was one of his favorites. i remember listening to it all the time when he would drive me to blockbuster to rent gamecube games. i didnt listen to it for a few decades, but i looked it up on youtube a few weeks ago on a whim and i really liked it a lot. it's all about smoking weed which i love doing, and the chorus is really catchy, plus the instrumental is one of my favorites. Favorite verse: Big Boi 1 (verse 3)

"The Joker vs Pennwise" both rappers somehow look like different versions of matpat in heavy makeup, and joker works in a natural "we live in a society" which i like. i think that's all i got for this one. Favorite verse: Joker 3 (of 3, because this is the one with the we live in a society bar, but all of his bars were actually really solid)

"Tony Hawk vs Wayne Gretzky" another one for the "zach sherwin is one of the best thing ERB has" pile. he delivers in a quaint (if a bit cartoonish) canadian accent a scathing comparison between the actual real-life achievements and significance and skill between the two actual athletes. which i think is very spiritually fulfilling considering the name of the series. Favorite verse: Wayne Gretzky 2 (of 2)

"James Bond vs Austin Powers" might unfortunate austin only gets 1 verse because it's far and away the best part of this one. aside from a clever pussy eating joke near the end between the two feuding bonds. Favorite verse: Austin Powers

"Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD 2" this is an actual real-life catharsis event between the main two artists behind ERB who seemingly put very real and deep-seated creative and personal frustrations they have with each other into their verses, plus a very real burnout over this series that they put all their money on being The Big One, creating a legitimately tense feeling in watching their performances. for reference, Peter rips on how Lloyd is an alcoholic and is unwilling to let the channel grow or change, and Lloyd talks about how Peter is obsessive and manipulative, referencing a real life issue involving a friend they fucked over in the separate video he appeared in. Favorite verse: Lloyd 1 (of ??? this one is almost a duet at times really)

"Babe Ruth vs Lance Armstrong" this one is specifically here because babe's second verse goes extremely hard in an almost uncharacteristic way for a series with very middling raps in general. Favorite verse: Babe Ruth 2 (of 2)

i could keep going i think but i just scrolled to the top of the list and my face flushed with embarrassment at how long its getting so im gonna end it there. you get the idea.

[totoochristianwolff]

HIII. I am going to watch Toto Wolff (team principal of Mercedes F1 team) | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard and thought I'd do a little 'live' post of parts that stuck out to me (all personal so I might miss a lot of it) (this is also going to be LONGGG 😂)

The first thing that I already love is how comfortable the whole vibe is between Dax, Monica & Toto. Dax & Monica are the kind of ppl who can make anyone feel comfortable in their presence. I love how casual the talk between them is to start because it lets you know that; although this is going to be a 'deep dive' sort of podcast episode, there won't be any sort of uncomfortableness when it comes to those deeper topics/areas.

I LOVE DAX, because you can tell he did his research on Toto. He talks about how he only discovered the day of the filming that Toto isn't actually Austrian, his mother is Polish and his father was Romanian. He goes onto ask Toto whether his parents grew up in Austria, which leads to a really insightful dive into Toto's parents' lives and their own backstories.

I LOVE HOW MUCH DAX LOVES SUSIE (who he got to speak w on the phone quickly as she called Toto during the episode)

I always find it incredibly admirable when Toto shares the hardships of his childhood as well as the turmoil he felt when it came to his ill father for so many years of his young life.

He speaks about the guilty feeling he had after his father died for feeling that it was 'better for all of us, something he says he only managed to process in the last few years.

Dax makes a good point about how he was a kid at the time and Toto responds with: "yeah, so you can't, in a way, analyze the feelings in a way you could if you were an adult" and SO REAAAL.

Toto talks about his mother, who is now 79 and not well, and the forgiveness he gives her for 'not being a good mother' because "I know how difficult it was to be at home and to see the suffering" which I think speaks of the empathy he possesses within himself.

Jumping to the part I'm listening to right now and Toto is talking about how "Many people don't want to go to a psychiatrist because they fear losing their ability. Artists, writers, people that have a lot of creativity that don't want to go sort out their mental problems, don't want to go on medication because they believe it is the fuel of their creativity". imma be honest, I felt CALLED OUT w this part as someone who's always seen their mental instability as the thing that fuels their creativity 🙃

Toto telling Monica she's "very attractive" askdhsldj I LOVE THAT FOR HERRR!!! But also, what a fucking sweetheart Toto is 😭

They get onto the topic of how Toto got into motorsports and his 2009 record comes into conversation. I always die @ when he recalls how Niki Lauda talked to him about it and told him: "why do you do this? this is so stupid, so dangerous, nobody cares what you're doing on the Nürburgring" 😂 Toto then admits he was in a bit of a midlife crisis 😂

When speaking about the crash, he recalls unplugging his radio and getting out of the car but has no recollection after that.

The way Toto handles 'passion' and the expectation society puts on young ppl with his children is honestly wonderful. He's spoken often about it before but he reiterates how he finds it important to just let his children 'be', to let them follow their own paths and expectations. He finds it important to remind them, "Don't look at me. This is my 52nd chapter, this is your 23rd,".

Toto calling munchies "munchkins" 😂

Dax and Toto relating to both being 'string beans' as teenagers 😂

Dax asks Toto about whether he identifies with being handsome and "when people tell you that you're handsome, do you accept that's reality or do you still think 'ehhh you're confused?" Toto responds with, "I think you're confused". WHATTT?!?! SIR?!?! BE SERIOUS FOR A SECOND!!!

Toto talks about when he's at home with Susie and they're doing stupid posing in front of the mirror and how she tells him, "That's really turning me off. Don't do that" 😂

His son, Benedict ringing and the conversation Dax has with him as Toto shared earlier on that Benedict is studying at USC.

"I'm asleep when I'm asleep, I'm awake when I'm awake" BIG MOOD TOTO 😂

This was an absolutely BLESSED podcast episode w Toto. Not only did we get such a diverse mix of conversations but it was also nearly an hour & a half long!!! I really loved watching this episode bc it gave us such a beautiful insight into Toto's life, career and mind. I highly recommend giving it a watch whether you're a Toto fan or not bc there truly is so much wonderful stuff to learn from it ❤️

[multi-fandom-lunatic]

I find it kind of strange when people defend booktok so staunchly because not only do the popular books end up not being that good, them seeming like fanfiction makes me turn this question onto myself. Like, 'if I write a self insert tropey fanfiction, shouldn't I feel proud of it?" and the answer (for me) is...no, not if I have nothing to say about the world that my character is inhabiting. We've all written self-inserts at one point, I'm sure - but it's the way the writer does it that matters. When I was a young teen, I wrote that kind of fanfiction and like many other young teens in that fandom, I explored ideas about the original world that the fanfic was set in. The problem with the books we're seeing now, is that they are being written by adults who don't want to explore themes and use tropes straight with no criticism. That's boring and overdone, I'm sorry. Some of the best original works I've read online have specifically explored tropes/subverted them and looked at the political side of things.

Booktok is the enemy of creativity - which is rather ironic because writing is something very creative. It's more akin to the ao3 bar, where you choose your fandom (type of characters), include/exclude crossovers (tropes), etc (the analogy needs work but the point stands). There isn't anything wrong in reading for pleasure, but Booktokers saying that "books are not political and for pleasure" defeats the whole point of the art.

Also, I'm irked by how many of Booktok's favourites are actual fanfiction. Red White and Royal Blue was Social Network fanfiction. And people seem to consider this peak romance? In reality it's a mishmash of common tropes and a romance that can only be described as sensational. It's written for pleasure, and that's fine, but we should be allowed to criticise it for its impact on society and its writing. Two things Booktokers just don't like.

I'm so surprised when people consider writing fanfiction akin to writing original stories. For context, I write fanfiction. A lot of it. I like to indulge in it but that's all it is: an indulgence. But when I write original stories... the pressure is ON. Thinking about what x means and how it impacts y is insanely important to me. I just find it to be a disservice when Booktok authors put fanfic on part with literature. And this is not to say that important themes can't be explored in fanfiction, because they certainly can, but ultimately, fanfiction is just for shits and giggles, and literature is something very, very political. They are absolutely not similar at all, because one is self indulgent and the other is an art form that is very political, and the way that both are being merged together is going to ruin effectively both of them.

Booktok has a weird idea of what's creative. They'll have the same copy paste assassin badass vanilla white conventionally attractive FMC with a MMC that's just a rip off of the Darkling from Shadow and Bone. They consider all the Hades and Persephone retellings and the "If Beauty and the Beast was steamy and there were hunters and the dude is hot" to be the epitome of creativity, but in reality, being able to shoehorn your own books into subpar tropes is honestly kind of insulting? If someone said my books were a mashup of books x and y I would be a little taken aback. Not because x and y are nesessarily bad works but because it's as if they aren't really reading the book and seeing it in its own light. I seriously don't know how authors take readers seriously when they say shit like that. IMO it's the Booktok version of having too many sequels/live actions/remakes in film. And ultimately, it's really fucking boring.

Thanks again for the ask! Booktok, aside from being problematic is just so... boring. Maybe people will realise how shit it is and it'll die? But I wouldn't keep my hopes up.

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 6

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

propaganda under the cut

Jesper Fahey (Six of Crows)

No Propaganda

Crowley (Good Omens)

"He's gender. He's been in love with one guy for literally 6000 years and then royally fucks up his entire confession. He yells at his plants. He drapes himself over every fucking surface he sits on. He walks like *that*. He just fuckin makes sounds sometimes. He's me fr."

Dave Strider (Homestuck)

"everything that can be said about Dave's relatability will probably sound redundant, clichéd, or overdone if you are at all familiar with tumblrs sort of blorbo culture. this is exactly why he should be in this tournament.

stop me if you think that you've heard this one before: he hides his genuine emotions behind a persona, deflects sincerity with jokes, but also has a deep desire for validation and connection, so that his persona has many cracks where little bits of his true self slip through. deeply insecure, compares himself to others. a defeatist streak, avoids responsibility. does not wish to be troubled by The Horrors. he just wants to hang out and do his lil creative hobbies (making music and drawing comics). talks a lot to the point of being pretty awkward, rambling, and accidentally saying stuff he shouldnt.

all these things I think tend to resonate deeply with a lot of people, especially on Tumblr - that "person who is insecure and struggles with emotional openness so copes by making jokes" sort of trope, it's just like kin bait (affectionate). he also has a complicated relationship with gender which I know many find relatable (shout out to the "Dave homestuck was my trans awakening" homies) but whether it's about figuring out gender or sexuality or trauma or the apocalypse or anything else, Dave comes at it with an initial, learned, fear and reluctance that I think a lot of people have experienced, because it's very human and very much a part of many readers experiences (we live in a society). but he's always good, and likeable and that makes for a very important sort of relatable character. very comforting. even if he's a mess and he's an idiot you can believe he can get to something better, and you can watch him develop and grow.

also, I think he's extremely relatable because he never really knows what's going on in the comic either. I mean, that's gonna be relatable to most people Vis a vis homestuck. he's confused and he just wants to vibe and make his friends laugh. WHO AMONG US cannot relate?? I do not believe you if you say no.

I wrote too much and got way too weird about it. I'm sorry it's late I'd edit down but I really don't have the brain capacity.. which is very Dave core of me actually"

Junior (Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race)

"i relate to him a lot because his whole character is being embarrassed of his dad who tries too hard to be cool, but still loves him anyways. that is literally me"

Kim Dokja (Omnicient Reader's Viewpoint)

"kim dokja. oh kim dokja. so, without going into spoilers too much, kim dokja is very much a character you are expected to relate to and it makes the novel DEVASTATING. here's just a few things about him: - he is obsessed with a particular piece of media, and finds comfort in it when real life doesn't give him any. he's constantly thinking about it and defending it and trying to recommend it to other people (even though no one else bothers reading it, because it is an objectively bad 3000-chapter webnovel). even beyond that one novel, he's been using fiction as an escape for just about his entire life, something that rings true for a lot of people, especially in the modern world. - he struggles with socializing with other people. the first chapter alone gave me so much second hand embarrassment. it's so real but god it's So bad. he has zero friends and has that sort of loneliness where you're miserable but you can't really bring yourself to feel anything but resigned to it. in general he is just very Resigned to his unfortunate life and can't fully understand or accept it when it finally does get better - he has a complicated relationship with his mother. it's the kind of relationship where the parent genuinely does love their child, but they fail to give them what they need & have to accept that they hurt their kid and that they cannot be the most important person in their life. it's certainly not a universal experience but those sorts of parent-child relationships are woefully common but scarcely acknowledged -the insecurity. god there is so much insecurity in that man. it's hard to even completely tell it's there at first, because it's so ingrained in how he thinks that you don't question it until you know more about his character and suddenly it's all too apparent. he cannot believe that he can be loved (or, if that he can be, that they certainly would not be able to love all of him, only what he chooses to show them), and is selfless but like. the literal meaning of the word, where he will throw away all of his being for the people he loves. in general there is a lot of sacrifice as a love language which like. while i'm not off around throwing myself in front of magic death beams for people or anything i sure would give up everything i could if it meant helping the people i love - ok enough of that. here's some funny things i can relate to. the guy meets his favorite fictional blorbo and instead of worshipping him instead he bullies him constantly and internally complains about how unbearable he is both in the book and in real life. it's like a "i love my blorbo. i would not last 2 seconds in a room with him." You know. he gets so caught up in his fanon characterizations and biases about characters that he completely mischaracterizes them like constantly. he literally kills a guy half because he was his least favorite character. -this is a poll about blorbo relatability. therefore i must mention that kim dokja too related to his blorbo (or at least attempted to) and what is more relatable than that. anyways. kdj made me realize far too much about myself and is by far the most i have ever related to a character (and i Hate it). and tumblr would definitely relate to him too so :thumbs-up:"

"(SPOILERS) He is literally all of us. Reader. Just some guy. And then insane tragic backstory. But he’s also just some guy. He’s special and also just a guy. He’s also god. He can be shipped w anyone. He has versatility and interests and motivations. He also never tells anyone anything ever. He is so me."

"He reads a trashy, long-ass novel as a coping mechanism and doesn't think he's capable of being loved. Bro dissociates when he's emoting too much."

"I'm a homestuck fan, a Dave Strider fan even Never heard of Omnicient Reader's before Voted for the kim fellow because judging by the propaganda it looks like he himself would be a homestuck reader therefore making him more relatable than the homsetuck character himself"

"This guy’s been my companion since I was 11, I’ve grown up with Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint and I think that’s pretty funny since he grew up with Ways of Survival (the 3149 chapter novel) and therefore I’m straight up mirroring him. I, too, scare everyone off by being too enthusiastic whenever the webnovel is brought up! His insecurities are severe but I do see myself in some parts of him (which is worrying but whatever.) He is absolutely The Guy Ever. Utterly pathetic wet cat of a man. I love him. He represents the crazy fandom tumblrina in all of us."

Donutella (Tokidoki)

"she's made of donuts basically like me at this point"

[acewritesfics]

A Work of Art | Eddie Munson

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

Request: No

Warnings: A swear or two.

Word Count: 791

Stranger Things Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“Stay still!” Y/N groans as Eddie starts to fidget once more. She was working on a project for art class and her loving metal head boyfriend offered himself to be her model. It had been a joke to begin with but Y/N convinced him to let her paint him.  

“How much longer?” He groans. 

“Not much, I promise.” She says leaning around her canvas to give him a reassuring smile. She’d been working on this painting for almost three weeks and she was finally on to the finishing touches. This painting was for a huge chunk of her final grade.  

Another 30 minutes go by and as her eyes scan her painting, she feels as though she is finally done and is extremely happy that it turned out how she imagined it would. She was confident that it was good enough to pass her grade. Getting up from behind her easel, she moves around to where Eddie is standing and hugs him in gratitude. 

“I really owe you one,” she says moving back enough to look at him. His arms are encircled around her waist as he stares lovingly into her Y/E/C eyes with his deep doe brown eyes. 

“I can think of ways you can make it up to me,” he smirks and presses his lips to hers. She smiles against his lips as she returns his kiss and pouts a little when he pulls away before it gets too heated. “And to start, m'lady, you can show me that painting.” 

“You want to see it?” She asks now a little unsure of it. Eddie was always so encouraging and supportive when it came to her artwork. Her creativity and her passion for it is one of the things that attracted him to her.  

“Of course I do!” He grins. He always loves to see her finished projects. 

“It might not be what you’re expecting,” she tells him, a tinge of red spreading across her cheeks. She pulls him over to her easel and looks down at her feet while he takes in the painting. 

She was right about it not being what he was expecting. For him it far exceeded all his expectations. Taking in the figure that was him, holding a sword and wearing a cloak, a small crown on his head as it looks as if he’s slaying some kind of monster in some sort of fire dystopia world. 

“This is fucking awesome!” He says in awe and amazement. He always knew his lady was talented but she always continues to stun him with her artwork. 

“You like it?” She asks bringing her gaze back to him, seeing him stare at the painting in awe. 

His eyes meet hers once again, his smile reaching from ear to ear. “I love it, baby. It’s truly a work of art.” 

She smiles in relief. As long as Eddie loves it, and her teacher likes it enough to pass her, that’s all that matters to her. 

“Can I keep it?” He asks he pulls her over to her bed. He kicks his shoes off and lays down leaving room for her to lay beside him. 

“You want to keep it?” She asks laying beside him, resting her head on his chest as they both looked back at the painting again. 

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to,” he says as he runs his fingers through her hair, instantly relaxing him. 

“You can have it,” she tells him, “once the teachers finished with it.” 

“Is that how you see me?” He asks her after a silence had fallen over them. 

She lifts her head and moves so she can see him and nods her head yes. 

“How and why?” He questions her. “I’m the town freak and outside of D&D, I’m not a hero.” 

“You’re not a freak, Eddie Munson. You just don’t conform to what society wants you to be. You’re different but that doesn’t mean you’re a freak,” She tells him. She hates it when he puts himself down and doesn’t see how amazing he actually is. “You’re a hero to those kids you have in Hellfire Club, you gave them a place where they feel like they can fit in to, you’ve given them something to look forward to, something they’ll never forget. And you’re also my hero. You saved me from those dingus kids in middle school who wanted to make my life a living hell.” 

“Good times,” he jokes, a small but genuine smile on his lips. 

“I love you, so fucking much, Eddie Munson,” she says returning his smile with one of her own. 

“I love you too, princess,” he says, pulling her down on top of him and into deep and passionate kiss. 

[leikeliscomet]

When it comes to AI art discourse I will always put the needs, wellbeing and actual reality of workers over hypothetical scenarios of what AI art could be. In an ideal world, AI art would be a tool for planning concepts and nothing more. But we don't live in that world. If companies can profit off of the art of their workers whilst underpaying or firing them to boost profit they will always pick that. And that's exactly what's happening.

Is there anti AI art rhetoric from the Human Artists/Anti AI art movement I disagree with? Yeah. I don't support the intellectual property arguments because corps like Disney won't sue AI bros bc they care about artist rights they do it bc they want full control of their brand and they'll weaponise that against human artists that create anything similar to that too without AI (and like they already did that). I don't hate every single technological thing ever made just bc it has the words 'AI' in it. I will never support the idea that traditional western realism > everything else. I will never support the idea of 'degenerate art'.

That being said, exploitation is exploitation. Companies taking the work of artists without consent and profiting off it whilst underpaying and/or firing those artists is wrong. This is what the main focus should be. "Oh but with these anti AI folks what if companies restrict us from accessing their work?" That's already happening . With or without AI we're stuck in this dutty capitalist society but bc AI art is now a factor it needs to be addressed. Generative AI was never just about artists it bleeds into a consent issue too regardless of industry. Generative images don't just apply to drawings it applies to all imagery including of people. Yes 'but think of the children' is weaponised as a conservative talking point but AI child porn is a problem. Taking people's imagery and voice to create false images of them is a problem. Creating false images and claiming they're real historical documents is a problem. Not being able to tell if the images you see are real is a problem.

I hate the wokewashing of AI. I hate people claiming AI art pictures of Wakandan Black couples or the Slitheen holding a pride flag is supposed to support us little people meanwhile being LGBTQIA, a POC, a woman, disabled, working class etc. already puts barriers on barriers to get into the creative industry bc no one gives a fuck about our work in the 1st place. The creative industry's already crumbling bc of COVID, cost of living and the underfunding of the arts thanks to the tories. If people with masters who've been working for years are getting dropped like hot potatoes what hope is there for the rest of us? I'm rolling my eyes at every single leftist treating AI art as a fun quirky debate meanwhile making fun of the workers they're supposed to care about. Giggling about AI art sticking it to the bourgeois uppity twitter anime artists whilst AI corps rake in millions. Every single silicon valley AI corp doesn't give a fuck about class liberation I promise you. Rich people exist in every industry. There's nothing bourgeois about selling comms bc u can't afford rent and medical bills. Furry artists aren't the bourgeoise can you lot get a fucking grip?

And I'm tired of every clapped false equivalence you lot think is smart. Comparing digital art to AI bc you generally think Ibis Paint or some shit actually makes the art for you. Comparing AI art to photography as if photographers don't pay and credit the models they work with. Comparing AI art to fanart as if fan artists claim ownership of the characters they draw and the media they're from. Comparing AI art to piracy bc u think individual artists are the same as big conglomerates. Comparing being anti ai art to white supremacist moral panics are u clapped? This is what anti-art intellectualism gets us. Art as a product for profit and nothing more. Consume consume consume who cares about the people making it and how we get that end product right?

I'm gonna start softblocking/unfollowing some of u lot and I don't care if I sound extra cus I'm so tired. You can't ethically create false images of people without consent. You can't ethically use workers' labour whilst underpaying them. I don't think any group of workers I don't like deserves to be exploited just bc they said annoying things on the internet. You lot aren't progressives you're anti SJWs with hammers and sickles.

[feral-creep]

y’all i just…. AAAAAH

vent about work and creativity and grief incoming

ever since my mom got sick i had to give up my more lucrative “career” day hustle (video editing) and pick up night shifts at a bar. and like. it’s a college dive bar, so the tips are not great.

this particular dive bar is known around the community as the hardest place to work, and the reputation is not for nothin’:

the average server at a normal place has a 4-5 hour shift and covers 3-5 tables. WE, on the other hand, work 10-12 hour shifts with zero mandated breaks and cover 8-10 tables, many of which can seat 8-10 people at a time.

it is exhausting work that has kept me in amazing shape and has kept my sanity during the grieving process… but it’s undeniably hard as fuck.

and i feel like i’m constantly just treading water, not making enough to fully get rid of my credit card debt and move out of this shithole town… i could make so much more money serving in chicago…

yet i’m never working so little as to be able to actually, y’know, write

BUT. but. the job is not why i don’t create as much. the job is not the reason.

the reason is my own dumb brain and my own dumb shame about not being a “responsible” member of society, not being “where i should be” or “where i thought i would be” at 36 years old.

because that concept? it is bullshit. even though my peers who i used to work with in video are all flourishing, it doesn’t matter—they did not have a terminally ill mother living in bumfuck college town of nowheresville, midwaste! so what if they are now getting deals with HBO! that sort of life was maybe never in the cards for dirtbag little ol me!

and also, since like WHEN did i ever care about being a dirtbag loser anyway? being a dirtbag loser is punk rock as fuck????

i am trying to force myself out of thinking that creative pursuits are a “luxury” that must only be pursued once Everything Responsible Has Been Completed—because frankly i don’t even do that shit anyway!!! lmao (what ends up happening is that i spend 5 hours on social media, 0 hours doing laundry, and also 0 hours writing)

so maybe like, fuck twitter, fuck instagram, fuck frittering away my life 5 minutes at a time trying to convince myself i’m totally going to get up and sort thru the mail, and just. do the things i like doing. because THAT is punk as fuck.

basically i’m coming to the conclusion that i have been flailing around trying to escape a situation i am trapped in by being “responsible”—diligent with my money, a good little worker bee, etc etc—and like, very obviously not succeeding, so i might as well live “selfishly” (i.e. creatively)

when i’m dead no one’s gonna be like “feral creep touched our lives by being so on top of her laundry and having a very organized pile of receipts”

no, no they will not!

i still get comments every week or two from readers about how much [save scum] means to them, and fuck if i don’t want to somehow adapt portions of this story and Lethe so she can resonate with even more people outside this fandom…

after, of course, i finish the fic. lmao.

[nicklloydnow]

“Alyoshka was not yet a Catholic then, but he no longer wore a beard. He had just been laid off as a guard, he had surrendered his nightstick and uniform and become once more the mustachioed and dark-eyed Alyoshka Slavkov, cheerful despite a bad limp, lover of booze. Alyoshka fed me sauerkraut and sausages, his unvarying diet, and sat down to translate a document I had brought. Entitled "Memorandum," the document expressed the hopes and dreams of what we called "the creative intelligentsia"—of Alyoshka and myself and a great number of other artists, writers, filmmakers, and sculptors who had emigrated from the USSR and whom no one here needed one fucking bit.

Alyoshka translated, and I sat in an old chair, its upholstery worn shiny, and thought about our document and our intrigues. "A drowning man's effort not to drown," I thought. Two pages. To be sent to Jackson, Carey, and Beame. As if they would help us with our art. Those demagogues had needed us, however, while we were over there. Here they shoved us on welfare so we wouldn't bitch. Okay, Ivan, have a spree, enjoy your freedom.

Cold-blooded Americans, they're so fucking smart, they advise the likes of us to switch professions. Just one thing—why don't they switch professions themselves? When a businessman loses half his fortune he throws himself off the forty-fifth floor of his office building, he does not go to work as a guard. I could have conformed in the USSR, why the fuck come here to do it? That was all the Soviet regime wanted of me, to change my profession.

A fine emigration we are, I went on in my thoughts, the most frivolous one yet. Usually only the fear of starvation or death can force people to leave a place, abandon their homeland, knowing that they may not be able to return, ever. A Yugoslavian who leaves for a temporary job in America can return home to his country, we can not. Never again shall I see my father and mother; I, little Eddie, am firm and calm in this knowledge.

It all started with Messrs. Sakharov, Solzhenitsyn, and company, who turned us against the Soviet world without ever having laid eyes on the Western world. They were prompted not only by specific purposes—the intelligentsia were demanding a part in governing the country, demanding their share—but also by pride, the desire to advertise themselves. As always in Russia, moderation was not observed. They may have been honestly deceived, Sakharov and Solzhenitsyn, but they deceived us too. Whatever the case, they were "dominant influences." So powerful was the intelligentsia's movement against their country and its system that even the strong could not resist and were swept along. So we all shag-assed over to the Western world as soon as the opportunity presented itself. We shag-assed over here, and having seen what the life is like, many if not all would shag-ass right back, but it's impossible. The Soviet government is not nice.

Fucking smart Americans, they advise men like Alyoshka and me to change professions. Where am I to hide all my thoughts, feelings, ten years of living, books of poetry? And me myself, where am I to hide refined little Eddie? Lock him up in the shell of a busboy. Bullshit. I tried it. I can no longer be an ordinary man. I am spoiled forever. Only the grave will reform me.

Eventually American security forces are going to have trouble with us. After all, not everyone conforms. In a couple of years look for Russians among the terrorists in liberation fronts of every description. That is my forecast.

Change our professions! Can the soul be changed? Knowing definitely what he is capable of, is it everyone who can suppress himself here and live the life of an ordinary man, laying no claim to anything, when he sees around him money, success, and fame, all of it largely undeserved, when he knows from experience both here and in the Soviet Union—and in this case the experience is identical—that he who is obedient and patient receives all from society, that he who sits on his butt all day and curries favor gets it all.

The brilliant inventors of vegetarian sandwiches for Wall Street secretaries can be counted on the fingers of one hand. For the most part, people arrive at success here just as they do in the USSR, by obedience, by wearing out the seat of their pants in their own or a government office, in boring daily labor. That is to say, civilization is constructed in such a way that the most restless, passionate, impatient—as a rule the most talented, who seek new paths—break their necks. This civilization is paradise for the mediocre. We thought the USSR was a paradise for the mediocre, we thought it would be different here if you were talented. Fuck no!

Ideology there, business reasons here. That is roughly true. But what difference does it make to me exactly why the world doesn't want to give me what is mine by right of my birth and talent? The world calmly gives it—a place, I mean, a place in life, recognition—to the businessman here, to the party worker over there. But it has no place for me.

Fucking shit! I'm being patient, world, very patient, but some day I'll get fed up. If there's no place for me, and for many others, then who the fuck needs a civilization like this?

That last thought I expressed aloud to Alyoshka Slavkov, who is far from agreeing with me in everything. He is drawn to religion, inclined to seek salvation in religious tradition; on the whole he is calmer than Eddie, although he too has storms raging within him, I think. He dreams of becoming a Jesuit, and I mock his Jesuitism and predict that he will participate in the world revolution along with me, a revolution whose goal will be to destroy civilization.

"And what would you build in its place, you and your friends in the Workers Party?" Alyoshka said. For some reason he lumps me in with the Workers Party, to which I have never belonged. I have merely been interested in it, as in any other leftist movement. I did become more intimate with Carol and her friends than with members of the other parties, but that was pure chance.

"The hardest thing of all," I told Alyoshka, "is to overthrow this civilization, tear it out by the root so that it cannot revive as it did in the USSR. To overthrow it once and for all is to build something new."

"And what will you do about culture?" Alyoshka asked

"This feudal culture," I said, "which inculcates wrong interpersonal relationships that originated in the distant past under a different social order-what will we do about it? We'll fucking annihilate it. It's unhealthy, it's dangerous with all its little tales of good millionaires, wonderful police who defend citizens from bestial criminals, magnanimous politicians who love flowers and children. Why is it that not one of these stinking authors—notice, Alyoshka, not one—will write that crimes, the majority of them, are generated by civilization itself? If a man kills another and takes his money, it's certainly not because he likes the color and crunch of those scraps of paper enough to murder another. He knows from his society that among his fellow countrymen those scraps of paper are God, they'll bring him any woman he wants, and bring him his grub, and deliver him from exhausting physical labor. Or a man kills his wife for betraying him. But if there were other customs, a different ethic, and interpersonal relationships were measured only by love, then why would he kill for unlove? Unlove is a misfortune, it's to be regretted. Television always shows families, and gentlemen in suits. But that's already on the way out. The gentlemen in suits are on the way out, and the wild wind of new relationships, ignoring all police measures, all religious barriers, howls over America and the whole world. The gentleman in a suit, the gray-haired head of the family, is suffering defeat after defeat, and soon, very soon, he will no longer be able to govern the world. The husband and wife who joined together in order to have a more peaceful, economically more advantageous life—not for love, but at the decree of custom—theirs was always an artificial arrangement and engendered a host of tragedies. Why the fuck preserve an obsolete custom?"“ - Eduard Limonov, ‘It's Me, Eddie’ (1979) [p. 148 - 151]

[fyeahdpr-edits]

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dprianarchive: Christian went on live tonight to address a few things.

Clips: August 9, 2024 Instagram Livestream

I just want fans to understand that you are truly appreciated by the artists as well. Well me anyway, fuckin hell. I truly truly appreciate fans that have always been there in the community. That have always stuck through. Have always wanted to dig deeper. Have always wanted to find some type of relation. And have found it. And just kept that genuinelty alive. For me, it's such a bummer and such a shame if I saw that getting crippled. I just don't want that to be the case. Because again, I don't want your experiences and I don't want your whole perception of what you think support and respecting an artist to be, to be completely thrown off just because we have a whole society and a whole crowd just fuckin bottlenecking you and just like shoving shit down your throat, so you can't say anything. Listen, I don't stand for that. I'm not that kind of artist. I don't give a shit. Because for me, I get it. I know those people that just wanna hate because they wanna hate. I know the people that want to be out there and they just want to give you some type of thing to tikitaka with because they want to get a big reaction out of you. Alright do that, but in the process, I'm gonna start calling you out. You're just getting way too comfortable, honey. I'm not your typical oppa type of shit that will be like 'I'll let you do this. I'll let you do that". Na, I'm sorry man, fuck that. Because that's not what DPR is. That's not what we are. I'm very well and aware of who really support us out there. I'm very well and aware who loves us. And I'm very well and aware if that is going to be tainted. I'm gonna start talking down on that. Even if it means it costs me this and it costs me that. Listen, I'm not angry. Just a little manic, which could be worse. I love the support you all are giving. Thanks John. By the way John loves this hairstyle. I was gonna surprise him. Sorry you have to see it on live. You all show so much support that it's well recognized. There's more of you than there are of them. If you know my context, if you now what I'm talking about. So don't ever let little moments like these and that dishearten your support and your idea of what you think is respecting an artist, with what you think is helping an artist. We need more of that.

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"Support each other, lift each other up. Please just fuckin lift each other up. We already have too any people just shitting on everyone. It's for free. It doesn't cost anything to bring somebody up. You don't know what anyone's going through, so the least you can do is be nice. It doesn't cost anything. It's for free. It makes the world a lot better." - DPR IAN 

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dprianarchive: I love the idea behind the Dream Light where Christian explains here. DPR has grown and evolved in so many ways over the years, and to mark a milestone with Dreamers is so thoughtful. Thank you to Christian and @joonyongan for designing such a pretty light stick for us 💖 It reminds me of the message enclosed with the light stick:  . "With the greatest appreciation, we would like to thank you for being a part of DPR's journey! Words aren't enough to describe how much you all mean to us. This Dream Light is the marking of a new journey and era for Dreamers and the team. May it lead us through another great adventure into the DPR universe. Dream always, DPR"

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dprianarchive

"I always wanted DPR to be a haven for creatives." . "There are certain moments where there should be boundaries, and boundaries should not be crossed, but inevitably as we all know, those things can't be controlled." . "I think there's a difference between obsession and supporting someone. Just because you're a huge fan of that person's art and everything, there's always gonna be people in this world... that you can't do anything about." . "I don't want that part of the world, that part of the fandom, to overshadow the people that really want to support an artist, because they truly believe this artist has helped them in all types of situations." . "Don't let people overrun your idea of what you believe is your safe haven. If you don't fight for what you believe in and the people you believe in, then what does that make it? What value does it really bring to yourself?" . "I always used to hate not being able to express myself and having such a censorship... I would rather have more genuine fans even if it's like a little, even if it's like 1/10th of what I used to have, as opposed to millions and billions of fans that have absolutely no intent other than to wonder whether it's more striking that I have a girlfriend or... all these other factors." .

[lesbiangummybearmafia]

Gilded Age, 02x06, Warning Shots. My thoughts...

Turner can go fuck herself! Seriously her revenge doesn't go the way she wants it to, so her next is to steal Bertha box at Met. By getting some getting some old money people to go to new opera house she has some cojones. Hoe I don't think so! I love that George set everything right again, don't mess with his wife! Good man! Can someone, but Bertha please expose Turner for who she really is, a two bit hoe lady's maid that tryed pathetically to get her bosses husband to sleep with her. She'll be dropped out of high society on her ear!

The word frenemies should of been invented to describe Bertha and Mrs. Astor's "friendship". I swear the moment Gladys said 'I thought you were friends' to Bertha, frenemies started flashing in my head in neon red lol.

Omg Marian, I felt so horrible for her put on spot like that in front of everyone. He didn't even court her or anything! Oscar at least kissed the girl he's trying to convince. He's gay for crying out loud, can't imagine kissing a woman high on list of things to do but he did damn it! Marian and Dashiell haven't even done that, let alone gone a true date or anything. I do like him, it just feels like he's jump the gun alot. It seems like he's looking more for a mother for his daughter than an actual wife. Which isn't cool dude! I do like how Marian got around saying yes, that was creative.

How cruel to do that to Aunt Ada and Luke. It's just evil! I just bust into tears. She finally finds her person only to have this happen. Aunt Ada has the purest of hearts she and Luke don't deserve this!! All I know is there better be a goddamn miracle happen and he lives!!! When Aunt Ada comes down stairs and Aunt Agnes is waiting for her just being her big sister. I couldn't take it, I started sobbing right along with Aunt Ada. Because not matter what Aunt Agnes said or does she loves her little sister.

I really don't like what their doing with Peggy and her boss! This week I'm liking she's all get away you're married. Just hope it stays that way. Because other wise it's just going to come off as badly for both characters. I really don't like her boss! Beyond he's already married! All I know is if I heard the line my wife doesn't understand me like you do. I might scream!

Ok I'm so confused what Oscar is up with the investment. I am glad he moved in direction that might lead to something more then friendship. I do like them together.

Can George please be a good man to his workers. He's such a good man in so many other respects. When he was in the head of labor union house it was easy to see he cared. Especially the fact that son worked at the plant or that the children didn't go school or have one to go to. He's not like the guy that works for him. George isn't a heartless, unfeeling, subhuman who would of gladly killed all those men and not even blinked an eye. So I'm hoping we'll see George do the right by working with the labor union to come with deal that works with for both sides. Also see build a school, George Russell is a fictional character after all why not make him like say Milton Hershey who really champion for his workers, build them homes, schools, a hospital and everything else in Hershey, Pennsylvania so they could work more easily at his plant. Because it's like we can him wanting do that. He stop those soldiers from shooting on the striking workers, where the other dude would of been happy with countless die and wouldn't of cared, he'd all been price of doing business he's just subhuman!

I think it so amazing what Jack did with clock! I definitely don't think he shouldn't give up. Love how everyone in the house expects one believe in him and gave him the money to go to patton office.

Can we take a minute to talk about Armstrong. They show us how horrible her mother is ok I can get that, but there are people with horrible parents that don't become that. I'm living proof of that! So what else is her deal!?! Because she's one dimensional at this point, even after them showing us her mother it's still impossible to have any empathy or simple care for her. She's just the most bitter, jaded, miserable character of the whole series. If anyone would be entitled to feel that way it would be Peggy's, her baby son died but she's nothing like that. So I hope they give us more on Armstrong character. Because I'm so tried of her being a buzz kill, shit Aunt Agnes isn't that bad!! When she said that stuff when Jack's patton get approved, truthfully I just really wanted to slap her. Because being cruel and horrible is a choice, it's abusive. It's not because of how she was raised with her mother if that was case she's be like to everyone. She's not, if she was like that with say Aunt Agnes her ass would of been fired by now. She's selective on who she's abusive too.

I'm over Mr. McAllister playing both side! I feel he needs to be loyal to one side now. I of course I want it to Bertha's. personally find Mrs. Astor too arrogant, overblown, way too many people been kissing her ass for so long that thinks she just be a bitch to everyone. Or that her personality because outside her daughter we haven't seen her be truly nice to anyway not ever Mr. McAllister. It's she walks in a room she just expects them all just to kiss her ass. Where Bertha generally nice to people, especially her staff. Which is one of things I do really love about her. I do wish be less shape with Gladys. She keep Gladys in a golden box than snap at her when she doesn't understand something. It's like Bertha you only have yourself to blame if Gladys doesn't understand these things. Chill woman! Gladys looked so hurt by Bertha words and tone. I understand that feeling very well. I would really love to see a scene where Gladys stands up to Bertha when she snaps at her and Bertha realize what she's doing. And they have a moment where Bertha said she's going to stop doing that. Because we have seen it in her Bertha way she does truly love both her children deeply.

I do have to say I want more Bertha in last two episodes she's been seriously lacking. Or at least it felt lacking to me. I know there are bunch of other story lines going on and need they need equal attention but I still want more Bertha!!

[mayorasmusings]

So I was randomly surfing tumblr on the persona tag and I’m pleasantly surprised to find someone with Persona 2 on their list. I swear this is rarer than a 4 leaf clover, and the fact you have DDS up there as well. I’m gushing at this rn, truly a rare find.

I also saw your previous post, what would you say were your first impressions on the Cast of IS and what you think about them now? (Anyone really if you only do one but I was super curious)

- ☕️

I'm really happy to read that!

Persona 2 and DDS have a very special place in my heart.

I played DDS before I discovered that there was a game that was banned for homosexuality and Hitler. As an edgy teenager, I burned a copy of P2:IS with the translation patch and played it on my hacked PSone. Those were the times!

But, then I cried buckets, while playing this game, got obsessed with it, discovered how actually queer and traumatized I fucking was - and until this day, I am still in love with it 🥲

But without further ado:

First impression

Maya: bubbly, annoying manic pixie dream girl with a weird outfit making her big tiddies look bigger than they already are, but she has a goddamn pretty face.

Yukino: the butch friend, who shows off her toughness.

Tatsuya: he's too cool for school and is that bad boy every girl is after

Lisa: She's that "I-can-change-him!1"-girl, who goes after a boy who obviously has other things on his mind. She's sweet though.

Eikichi: annoying guy having a rivalry with the bad boy, all the girls are seemingly after.

Jun: he's too sweet for this world. I really feel sorry for him. Especially the way he was manipulated.

Impression now

Maya Amano: I love her very much. She's that fun, loving big sister everyone would want to have. Even if a little insensitive, here and there. Especially when telling that a stuffed animal would laugh at someone expressing their emotions healthily, but I blame it on her dad and the time, this game came out.

Yukino: she has a heart of gold and deserves so much better.

Tatsuya: he's caring, sweet, protective, and like everyone else, has wonderful voice-acting (Takehito Koyasu ❤️). Also, he's quite insecure and vulnerable. I really feel sad for him, having to bear the burden of knowledge in the parallel universe in EP.

Lisa: she's so sweet, caring, smart, and talented. Also, it surprised me, that she uses drugs and prostitutes herself. Her character was an interesting take, on how Westerners view Japanese people and how dehumanizing it can be, to reduce Japanese women to that submissive, demure, and prudish stereotype. Also, interesting to see her dad resembling Steven Seagal in that context.

Eikichi: having a father like this, I don't wonder about anything. He's creative, loving, and has more depth to him than he lets on.

Jun: unchanged. I really love the way he interacts with everyone and how elegant and delicate he is. Though, I do see someone with a barbed tongue, if called for, showing that he also got something from his mom's attitude. Not only from his dad's sweetness. Also, all those TatsuJun-feels 🙈

All in all, it is a very well-written cast I adore and really like to return to. I wish there was an anime or any type of follow-up to where everyone is grown up, but I'm also fine, with being left to my own imagination. Which I will unabashedly share with you.

In my AU, everyone gets to live.

Maya, Shunsuke, and Yukino open up their own little PR agency.

Needless to say that Yukki and Shunsuke are happy together.

Maya starts dating Katsuya at some point and it's quite a chaotic, but loving relationship.

Tatsuya becomes a social worker for homeless young people - being a cop wouldn't really help anyone, he decides. He is a great streetworker, who empathizes with the rather unruly parts of society. At some point, he starts working in a prison, helping the inmates with their problems.

Jun, with the backing of his parents, owns a flower shop. He and Tatsuya are happily married.

Eikichi has a successful band and is still together with Miyabi.

Lisa becomes a cut-throat-businesswoman and works as a boss of a casting-agency for pop-music. Dating hot dudes, she drops, whenever they get too annyoing.

[bendingwind]

I was thinking about this instead of sleeping last night (yay lifelong insomnia), and I still don't think I'm going to put this story on AO3, but I think tumblr can have this little story about Rangiku as long as y'all suffer through me talking about it first. I don't know if anyone will want to actually read it, but if I'm gonna keep talking about it I ought to make it available to read somewhere 😅

So because it's important, we'll start with the rating and the warnings above the cut, so anybody can avoid this if they want/need to. Please heed the warnings, I am not fucking around with them. Dead Dove Do Not Eat etc.

Rating: Hard Mature Warnings: Underage (at least physically) pregnancy, unplanned pregnancy, extremely unwanted pregnancy, lack of access to healthcare, child abandonment, a brief mention at the beginning of child/infant death, some tokophobia, one mention of potential child harm Pairings: Gin/Rangiku, though Gin isn't really in this story much, and it is primarily a story about Rangiku

This story has been sitting in my brain since I was in my late teens or so, and it's one of my most vivid memories from my first round with the Bleach fandom *mumble mumble* years ago. I had one fic in particular, ✨creatively named✨ Secrets of the Seireitei, which I found in my google drive of saved old Microsoft word docs. It was a series of drabbles I wrote about different characters in the Seireitei, and one idea in particular was repeated across three different stories; this idea I'd had as a teenager that Toushiro was Gin and Rangiku's kid that they'd had to abandon in the Seireitei because of Circumstances.

So I guess it's not surprising that the first thing I chose to write when I decided to start writing Bleach fanfiction again was the core of this particular story. It doesn't fit with canon, doesn't really even make sense with what we know (and I'm not sure it did then) and it's very sad and very dark. Gin and Rangiku are physically probably 14-16 when this story takes place, though because of how time works in the Soul Society they're older by years than that.

Rangiku is one of my favorite Bleach characters. I also fully believe her not only capable of this but likely to do it, especially in her younger years, but your mileage may vary and that's okay!

I think if this story had been possible and if it were real, Rangiku wouldn't have made the connection with Toushiro when he arrived at the Seireitei and assumes her kid is out there somewhere just doing his thing. Gin realizes immediately upon meeting Toushiro (Toushiro's reitsu signature is very distinct and similar to Rangiku's in my mind?) and it's one of the rare occasions he loses his composure because he previously had no idea he even had a kid. Toushiro figures it out much, much later (like, post-canon) after Momo says something that makes him start thinking, but never says a word to anyone about it. ANYWAY. The story:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

chances & choices

Births are rare in Rukongai. Babies not so much--all sorts of things can go wrong in childbirth and early life in the world of the living, after all--but births? Those are rare. It takes the kind of spiritual energy you usually only see in the clans to conceive at all.

Rangiku is six years old when she dies, and she has spent the majority of her life in the world of the dead, eking a meager living off the streets of the Rukongai. Even once she met Gin, even once they became Gin-and-Ran, too young and too old all at once, times had been lean until Gin had gone and gotten himself made a Shinigami a decade past.

All this to say, Rangiku could hardly be blamed for taking so long to realize what was going on.

****

It starts with more hunger than usual, a ravenous appetite like she’s never experienced before, more than even the money Gin brings on his rare visits can support. She takes up more odd jobs than usual, waitressing in a cafe in the nicer part of District 3, where she lives now, and she manages to make ends meet.

Then there are the dizzy spells that make her spill a tray or five, and lose her the job at the cafe. She’s put on weight, eating so much food, and she thinks she will just have to remember how to be hungry and count on the extra weight to see her through until Gin’s next visit.

She grows weary and listless, loses more than one other job when she’s caught napping when she’s supposed to be working. Still she doesn’t understand what’s happening to her. She thinks that, most likely, she’s finally dying.

Nobody ever explained to a Rukongai brat how babies are made, or what a pregnancy looked like in the world of the dead. No one ever saw the need.

****

If Rangiku ever saw a pregnant woman in life, the memory has faded, and she feels only mild annoyance as she gains weight, as her belly expands and her breasts grow even larger, because really they were a bit much to begin with. She has been eating an awful lot, after all.

Gin visits.

He is just as confused as her.

The day after her visit, the old woman she lives with stops her as she begins to leave for her new job at a fruit stand.

“I thought for sure you would tell him,” Obāsan says.

“Tell him what?” Rangiku asks curiously.

“About the baby,” Obāsan says, with what seems like great patience. “I understand you haven’t wanted to say anything to me before, but I won’t kick you out.”

Confused, Rangiku looks over to where the little girl Obāsan adopted is sleeping. She’s been here even longer than Rangiku had the money to pay for bed and board. She’s not sure why it would change anything, and regardless, she would hardly call Obāsan’s ward a baby.

Obāsan reaches out and places a hand on Rangiku’s arm.

“When you’re ready to talk, Rangiku, I’m ready to listen,” Obāsan says with a pat, and then she turns away.

Rangiku is puzzled all the way to work, and then she’s too busy hustling up customers and counting change to worry about it. The fruit stand is more popular than ever these days--the old man who runs it calls her his lucky charm.

****

“You really ought to at least see a midwife,” Obāsan says at last, and Rangiku looks at her, puzzled by the unfamiliar word.

“What’s a midwife?” she asks.

This time, Obāsan’s gaze is flat and assessing.

“Rangiku… I haven’t wanted to pry, but I am beginning to wonder now… do you even know you’re pregnant?”

The meaning of that word doesn’t register either, not immediately. It’s strange and unfamiliar, alienated from the vocabulary of the Rukongai.

“I’m what,” she says when at least she remembers what it means.

“My goodness,” Obāsan says, clucking gently, but her eyes are a little wide, “what did you think was happening, dear?”

Rangiku’s stomach sloshes nervously, and she feels dizzy.

“I think,” Obāsan says with a deep frown, “that we had better have a discussion, Rangiku.”

****

A baby.

The thought had never even occurred to Rangiku before. Rukongai brats didn’t have babies, they ignored babies lying on the side of the road. The kinder natured ones might offer a simple prayer that someone from one of the better districts was looking for a baby and might stumble across the poor soul.

Obāsan summons a midwife, who inspects the size of Rangiku’s belly and shakes her head.

“I don’t know, really,” she says at last, “I’d say she’s six months or so along, but I don’t really know how these things go over here. I didn’t think people had babies after they died.”

“The nobles do,” Obāsan clucks.

“I thought they just sort of picked the most powerful baby they could find in the districts,” the midwife says, shrugging. “Well, the more you know, I suppose. Do you think that she’ll give birth the same way a living woman would, or is it different?”

“How should I know?” Obāsan asks, a little scandalized.

Not for the first time, Rangiku is afraid.

****

She understands that the little fish in her stomach is the baby, now, moving, and that someday it’ll be born.

It feels like a death sentence.

Babies are a burden, out in the border districts. They eat and they bring nothing in. Obāsan says she’ll be able to feed the baby milk instead of food for a while, but even so--

Gin’s visits are irregular at best. When she comes home from work, exhausted and sore, and senses him at Obāsan’s house, she turns and walks away.

She’s only marginally surprised when he doesn’t follow. Her reiatsu feels different, strange, these days.

****

How will she support a baby, anyway?

They need a lot of attention, according to Obāsan, and Rangiku needs to work to bring in money, especially if she’s going to keep avoiding Gin. Gin is… Gin is Gin. She’s not sure how he would react to a baby.

She’s not sure he wouldn’t simply kill it rather than let it be a burden on her.

She hasn’t been able to work lately. She’s too tired, too dizzy, too big, and anyway it’s the middle of winter. The fruit stand only has a handful of early yuzu for sale.

“I think it will be soon,” the midwife says with a puzzled frown, on one of her visits.

Obāsan clucks.

“Do you think we could find out more about it if we approached one of the noble clans? Surely they know…”

“They’d kick us to the curb,” the midwife says, shaking her head.

****

Rangiku is no closer to a solution when her reiatsu and her belly begin seizing with the contractions Obāsan had warned her would come. She still has no idea what she will do when she pushes a crying baby out of her own young body, sobbing, and the midwife sets him on her ample chest.

****

Obāsan was right. The baby needs a lot. He wakes her constantly at night demanding to be fed, drinks the milk that her breasts have begun to produce, and Obāsan clucks and wonders if it’s normal for spirit babies to feel hunger or not. Obāsan herself has never experienced hunger since her death.

Rangiku doesn’t think it matters much whether it’s normal or not, only that he is hungry. She curls up around him on her futon, strokes his soft head and hums a song to him, one she learned before she died. She doesn’t remember where.

“You look tired, dearest,” Obāsan says one day, frowning at the shadows under Rangiku’s eyes. “I wish your young man would at least come around to help you.”

Rangiku lied, months ago, and said she wrote him a letter. She’s never said anything at all.

****

The baby doesn’t sleep, either. He cries at all hours of the night and wakes Obasan’s ward, who often cries as well, for all that she looks as if she’d been four or five in the world of the living. Rangiku is tired to her bones from the sound of children crying. It makes her want to tear her ears off her head.

Obāsan catches sight of her one of these nights, while she’s trying to soothe the baby back to sleep and Obāsan is comforting the little girl.

“Rangiku, perhaps you ought to go visit a friend for a few days. Get a few nights rest,” she says. Rangiku looks sharply down at where the baby is feeding from her breast.

“I’ll buy some goat's milk down at the market. It’ll be fine for a day or two,” Obāsan says. Rangiku shouldn’t, she thinks, but she does. The girls she stayed with when she was working at a sake bar in District 8 are only too happy to have her visit for a few days.

She sleeps through everything but meals on her visit, instead of going out drinking as they had planned, and her friend Kiku only laughs and waves her hand.

“I still can’t believe you have a baby, Rangiku-chan,” she flutters.

Rangiku wants to know if Kiku would like to trade.

****

She’s never done so much laundry in her life. As beautiful as her baby is, all he seems to be able to do is shit and pee and eat and cry. Gin visits, and Rangiku waylays him outside the house.

“What’s with all those little things?” he asks curiously, eyeing the drying lines.

“Obāsan’s adopted a baby. Let’s go find somewhere quiet,” she lies, and Gin grins wider and agrees.

****

“You really need to name him, dearest,” Obāsan says, one morning  in the third month of the baby’s life.

“Hm,” Rangiku says noncommittally. She has never loved anything as much as this tiny soul with his shock of white hair, like his father. She has never been so afraid of anything as this tiny soul with his pretty, wide-open eyes. She has never hated anything quite so much as the thin sound of his wail.

Obāsan sighs, and begins to bustle around the stove.

“Obāsan, I’ve been thinking,” Rangiku says. “Gin will be visiting soon. I’m going to go to the Seireitei with him, and become a Shinigami.”

Obāsan pauses in her movements.

“And your son?” she asks.

“I’ll keep sending you money,” Rangiku says vaguely. She can’t bring herself to ask, not outright, not like this. A chubby hand grabs at the short strands of her golden hair. “Just as soon as I’m through the Academy.”

“Gin won’t send money any more, and he’s a seated officer. Your pay will be less,” Obāsan says cooly.

“I’ll make him,” Rangiku says, “I’ll say I owe back-rent. I’m strong, we both know I am. I’ll be seated soon enough, myself. I’ll… I’ll be a Lieutenant!”

Obāsan scoffs in a way that shows she’s entirely unconvinced.

“Please,” Rangiku says, feeling tears well in her eyes. She grips one of her baby’s chubby hands in her own. “I don’t know how to be a mother. I can’t do this.”

“You’ll have to learn,” Obāsan says, sounding angry now. And then, softer, “I’ll help you, Rangiku-chan, don’t be afraid.”

****

But in the morning, Rangiku is gone.

[littlewalken]

feb 16

The pile was tidied a bit and whole beach wagon of why the fuck do we even have thats went to the junk store. And about half a wagon came back, little plates for microwaving things like burritos which we did need as our others broke, and I don't know what else because I didn't buy anything. Was also able to purchase some real food as opposed to just quick to make or living in a hotel stuff.

We still haven't been in this place for 24 hours strait since we moved in and it feels weird. Not like the last place but in a this place wants to be our home and get to know us but all we do is bring stuff in or sleep and it's trying to figure us out. My end is definitely curious about all the things I want to make and do.

My creative thoughts are putting together lore and magick ideas to get a story off the ground. It still needs to work out at least four more characters, two male and two female, for the main cast. I got to go over the notes and narrow it down to 21 things.

Will get there, I just literally don't have the time this month as we're trying to do 2 runs, which take 3-4 hours each, half of which is travel, because time is money with a storage unit.

The DVD of Adam Greydon Reid's episode of When Calls The Heart is staring at me, I've been wanting to rewatch that for months.

Mr Stoneman wants to know how are the women of this town functioning in society with their hair down?

At the next place he'll teach at, where his ways will be accepted, he'll meet a lady librarian, they'll get married, their daughter will grow up to marry a Mr Shitler and their son will become a teacher.

Because we know when Adam was on set with the kids and not in character he was lightening the mood by being silly and asking 'Where do they find them and why do they keep sending them to me?' and 'Eye heard dat!' or something, I don't know ;)

[aerick-cosmic-cauldron]

the frontal lobe development

is kicking my ass so bad right now jxojsxksafjd. I'm so lost man, i have no idea how to create a lifestyle where i can satisfy my basic needs at the same time i give some room to my intense imagination, on top of that i have no way to live in a way that i can be interesting to others. of course a few things come to mind, if i live developing corny little video games, work in a part time job, work out, and educate myself in history and politics a bit more i might be able to feel a little pride about it. i can do those, if i organize it well, make a weekly itinerary, put those things i want and do them balancing between not slacking and not overworking it, i think i can make it without anti-psychotics or antidepressants. that'd be a life i can proudly experience myself...only myself. i forgot again that i have to serve society somehow. Maybe donating blood or randomly cleaning shit on the my favorite beach in this little town of mine. I'd say helping my family on stuff but i know i wouldn't do it, this shame that's eating me alive and old resentments stops me for doing so.

The main problem to live that "life", is that I'm insane. my mind is very creative when it comes to find a ways for fantasy to take over without me noticing, leaving a very erratic version of me out there, doing more dumb shit and accumulating more shame and guilt. The second problem is that i have embrace that painful feeling of loneliness until i got at least a few years of living said" life" i think if i finish some same gamedev projects, personalize a few clothes before i can develop a solid sense of identity and finally connect to others..."sublimation of ego through art" as my pretentious ass likes to call it. if it works I'll be able to: connect with people, , stop being perfectionist, experience reject and handling it correctly, maybe develop a sense of belonging within a group without feeling like I'm drowning and stop fucking ghosting people lord Jesus.

IF it works, maybe the mind doesn't work like that... I'll tell this to the therapist in a few days let's see her feedback.