#fuck if i could i would throw the pills out! i am so fucking tired of them. I FUCKING HATE THEM!!!

[saintedbythestorm]

Welp... I am truly fucked™ 😶

[ihavethedreamies]

Good Enough | Jisung

Park Jisung - NCT Dream

Rating: M (18+) MDNI

Word Count: ~6.3k [more than half is smut btw]

Pairing: Jisung x AFAB!Older!Reader

Genre: Reader-Insert, Smut, Some Plot, Friends/Roommates-to-Lovers, Absolute Filth

!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!

Summary: Jisung is tired of his noona treating him like her little sweet baby.

Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Pet Names (Noona, Sweetheart), Swearing, Very Dirty Talk, Kissing, Lots of Tongue, One Spank, Oral (M! & F! Receiving), Deepthroating, Face-Fucking, Rimming (Just a tad), Size Difference, Size Kink, Soft-Dom! Jisung (oof), Sub! Reader, Breeding/Creampie Kink, Overstimulation, Squirting, Unprotected Sex (Use a condom! Reader is on the pill)

Author's Note: I had a mental breakdown while writing this lol. This might not acutally be the filthiest thing I have written, but it feels like it because of who it's for…for some reason. It's hard for me to believe that Jisung got so fucking hot, because I remember him sitting on Taeyong's lap, but he's a MAN now. i'll sit on his lap

P.S. FUCK

I am cross-posting this on Archive and Wattpad. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other sites. Happy reading!

"He's my precious."

"Your roommate is your precious?" Jisung heard voices creeping in from the living room. Groggily, he glanced at the clock on his nightstand, head peeking out of his blanket cocoon. He was still jet lagged after getting back from Korea, so it was about 3 pm.

"Yes. And he's not just my roommate-"

"He's your precious?"

"Yes. But! I was going to say he is my best friend…and my precious baby boy."

"Seriously? Isn't he only like two or three years younger?"

"My precious baby Jisung." He huffed at your coo, dropping his head back on his pillow in annoyance. For some reason his summer trip back home to see his parents triggered something in him. Jisung was suddenly extremely displeased with your relationship. He missed you horribly and you were pretty much the only thing he talked about. Once he was informed by his mother that he likely had fallen in love with you, he was…upset. More with himself at first for not realizing it, but then looking at how you two interacted, he got cranky. He was not your precious baby Jisung, he's a man dammit, had been for nearly four years. Did you see him that way though? Not even remotely. He was a step above a puppy, at least you accepted he was a human. But you constantly went on about how cute he was, and sweet, and 'a bean'; whatever than meant. You had even called him your son on a few occasions, and even though they were mostly in jest and unserious, now they really pissed him off. Jisung didn't want you to see him as your son (maybe give you one) but what really was bugging him barely made any sense. He had only heard you say it once, but it stuck in his mind…

"You realize half of the people on campus want to fuck him, right?" He was in his final year of college, and the only reason you were still in college was because you had stuck around to work for the IT department. Your friend's question was not news to him, but he was much too shy to go for any of the advances he had received. He was also much too in love with you, but he hadn't known that till literally the month before, but it made sense.

"Not allowed."

"Why?"

"Precious baby."

"He's not a baby, (Y/N). Not even close." You didn't reply for a bit, and he could vividly picture your distasteful expression.

"He might not actually be one, but he’s, my baby. My baby Jisung."

"(Y/N)." Your friend's annoyed tone was not nearly strong enough to match the levels he was feeling. Definitely not able to continue his nap, he sat up aggressively from his bed, kicking at his blankets before wrangling his comforter and throwing it onto the floor. Resting his elbow on his knee, he then rested his forehead on his hand, trying to breathe out his ire so he could leave his room without being visibly grumpy.

"My sister wants to ask him out."

"No."

"Why not?"

"No one is good enough."

"No one?"

"Nope, not even me." That was it, you said it. That simple thought was what really set him over the edge. You were the only one good enough, no one else could even be close to you in his eyes. Finally, the anger boiled over and he climbed off his bed, putting a sweatshirt on so quickly that he had to wrestle it in his haste. You kept the apartment so freaking cold… You must have heard him wrench his door open because your conversation immediately stopped. He stormed down the hall, even his socked feet were heavy on the laminate wood floor, so much so that when he came to the mouth of the hallway, you were looking at him with a shocked expression. You were sitting at the coffee table with your friend Hana, various papers spread on the surface while your friend studied for her graduate classes. Your green snake Squishmallow sat on your lap, and he wanted to grab it and throw it across the room, suddenly jealous with how close it was pressed to your chest.

"Ji?" It was clear you didn't think he heard your conversation, but Hana immediately realized, starting to gather her homework.

"I'm gonna go." She nearly shoved the papers into her folder and threw everything else in her bag.

"What? Why?" You turned back to her, and he then realized what you were wearing. Your slightly damp hair had moved out of the way, revealing the design on the back of your baggy t-shirt. It was his.

"Wait, Hana?!" You tried to get up and go after her as she dashed from your apartment, shooting Jisung a look as she shut the door. You had to shove the table to get up better, and even as you stood, you still clutched the plushie to you. Jisung exhaled harshly, storming forward and grabbing your Squishmallow and yeeting her onto the floor.

"Woah?! What'd she do to you?" You motioned to her with your hand, giving him a questioning look. You started to bend and pick her up, but his hand grabbed your wrist, pulling you back up and toward him, making your balance falter. Your bewildered eyes scanned over his face, but you still had no anger in them. Not even annoyance. You couldn't get mad at your baby boy.

"Ji?" His big hand easily held your wrist, and you squeaked when he dragged you even closer to him, so much that you could feel his breath flutter your hair over your forehead. His brow was furrowed, lips pressed tight to each other, but he couldn't seem to meet your eyes.

"Hey, you okay?" Your other hand came up to brush some of your hair away from your face, only leaving it down to dry. Your fingers then moved to his face, trying to brush his bangs out of his eyes. Having you so close and seeing how far you had to reach made him realize how small you were. He was well over half a foot taller than you and he wondered how small you would look under him. When your fingers brushed his cheek, his other hand grabbed yours, easily swallowing it in his grip. Jisung held your hand, pulling it closer, and laid your hands over his heart. With his other, he yanked you the last little bit, so you were pressed to him, wide eyes rapidly scanning his face. Your head was tilted back, almost painfully so, still not recognizing what was happening. The hand around your wrist moved so his thumb could rub your skin till it pressed against your palm. Your gaze went to your hand then, shocked at how small it was compared to his, and you seemed to be registering how small you were compared to him in general. Did he really grow so much since you had met him four years before? Your gaze went back to his face, finally seeming to notice that his face had changed as well. Yes, he was still cute, but he had become devastatingly handsome, maturing into a…man. No, he wasn't a baby anymore, but you were in denial. Even then, pressed against him, even able to feel his toned muscles through his sweatshirt, you kept trying to convince yourself he was still your baby Jisung.

"Jisung?" You exhaled his name, so quiet that if he wasn't so close, he wouldn't have heard. Your eyes followed his when they flicked down to watch your lips move when you whispered his name.

"What makes you think you're not good enough for me?" His voice rumbled through you, its deepness shocking you for some reason. When had that happened? You were so thrown off by the pitch of his voice you barely registered his question.

"Huh?"

"No one else is good enough for me, because they're not you." His hand had dropped your wrist so his arm could wrap around you, and he pressed his cheek to the side of your head. He nuzzled your soft hair, the familiar scent of your shampoo soothing his anger some.

"What?" You stood still, stiff even, trying to process what was happening.

"I don’t want to be your baby Jisung anymore, noona. I just want to be yours." He was a bit surprised with his sudden eloquence, but he just chocked it up to all his upset burning away any shyness he had in the moment. The anger had faded, and he was just upset, tired again, praying in his head that you would get the fucking hint. Your hand, the one he let go, had rested on his chest for balance, then he felt your fingers clutch the fabric of his sweatshirt. With his fingers wrapped around your right hand still, he could feel that your pulse had quickened, and you were minutely shaking.

"Y-you…?" You swallowed hard, tongue running over your lips, mouth feeling dry.

"I thought I just had a crush on you. I don't. I love you." His softened voice floated right into your ear with how his head rested on yours. The back of your nose and throat burned as you swallowed hard, tears sparking in the corners of your eyes. When you hiccupped, sniffing, he flinched, pulling back from you. It was only just enough that he could see your face, his arm still around you, hand still in his over his heart.

"Noona." He sighed softly, dipping and kissing the corner of your eye where a tear had slipped down your cheek. Nope, that made it worse. You burst into tears, chest heaving, and he pulled you back into him. You were…dramatic sometimes. Cried easily. Too easily even. Jisung loved to tease you for crying at a commercial where a little girl brought a quilt out to her sheep in the barn close to Christmas. You also tended to cry around puppies.

"I-I…I-!" Your breath was heaving too much for you to really talk. His nose nuzzled your hair, and he kissed the crown of your head. You sniffed, taking a few deep breaths.

"I love you too." you whispered, if you spoke any louder your sobs would take back over. He didn't know, but while he was gone you were in a much similar situation. You went to visit your parents as well, but it was just an hour or so drive, not across the world practically. You missed him so much, and wouldn't shut up about him, but your mother knew you well enough to see read between the lines. Because it startled you, having romantic feelings for Jisung, you became even more dramatic with the 'baby Jisung' talk.  He was your best friend, and so of course you loved him, but you couldn't admit you were in love with him. You were so worried about ruining your friendship that you just ignored your logical thoughts and pretended you hadn't fallen for him. Nearly fighting him when he pulled back from the hug again, you stayed pressed to him, not wanting him to see your face. Not only was it red from your blush, but it was also blotchy from your crying and your nose was close to running.

"Noona." He huffed a laugh, trying to get you off of him. You gripped his sweatshirt tighter.

"(Y/N)." Jisung was fully laughing at that point, partially from your actions and partially from how ecstatic he was that you loved him back.

"No."

"Noona."

"No." Finally, with a bit more force, he pulled back so you could see each other's faces. The warmest smile you had ever seen was on his face and you froze when he leaned in closer. His forehead bumped yours and his nose crinkled, cringing a bit at his own actions but it made you giggle, which made it all worth it.

"Since when?" you asked. He laughed bashfully, lips pursing.

"I didn't realize how bad it was till a few weeks ago while I was still in Korea. But…I knew before that. Something made me realize…"

"What?" You were shocked when his giddy but shy face fell into one of panic.

"W-what?" His face bloomed red, all the way to the tips of his ears and he tried to bow his head to avoid your gaze, but you could just look up into his eyes.

"Uh, well…" He cleared his throat, trying to pull back further but he didn't let your hand go.

"Jisung?" You pressed with a fake stern tone.

"I…had a dream." He faked a cough to try and hide.

"Yeah?" You were clearly not understanding that he was so reluctant to say what it was, because it was filthy. It even made Jaemin blush. The extreme embarrassment in his eyes when they finally met yours clued you in better. You stepped closer, a coy look spreading over your own face, and he took a step back. His hand was still holding yours though, so he wasn't that desperate to get away. He clenched his other hand into a fist, bringing it up and pressing his mouth to his forearm to hide his face.

"Was it something bad?"

"No! Uh…" With each step you tried to get closer, he backed up, till his back hit the wall.

"Was it naughty?" You teased, and he sneered at the cringey word. Your eyes, still a bit puffy from crying, were creased with amusement.

"Uh, I mean…"

"Do you we do something dirty?" Your head tilted up to look at his face as he tried to hide, fingers clenching yours jerkily, the digits desperate to wiggle.

"M-Maybe."

"What?" You smirked, trying not to giggle. You were always more open about sex stuff, not quite like Jaemin or even Donghyuck, but still more than him.

"No." He was throwing your method of deflection back at you.

"You know," you got up on your tip toes so you could whisper into his ear, "if you tell me, we can do it?" Your suggestion made his whole body freeze, blood turning to ice. He nearly gasped when his blood then rapidly heated, the sound of his pulse whooshing in his ears.

"Are you sure?" he whispered, needing to make sure because even just the slightest detail would reveal too much if you weren't. You nodded with a hum, then gasped when he switched your places, hand cupping the back of your head, so it didn't thud into the wall as he pinned you to it, his other forearm holding him up over your head. You could only blink in response, looking at the conflicted expression on his face.

"I don't want to hurt you." What the hell had he dreamt? You were dying to know.

"You won't." Jisung's eyes met yours, brow furrowed in worry.

"I could."

"You could, but you won't. Plus…" Your hands came up to mess with the strings of his hoodie.

"Sometimes a little pain can feel good." Jisung searched your face and saw the determination in your eyes. The hand on the back of your head dug harshly into your hair, tugging at your scalp and you gasped when his mouth sealed against yours. Your teeth clacked against his with the force of the kiss and you whined, trying to match his fervor. You couldn't. His leg nestled between yours, pressing close and against your core, and you had to stand on your tip toes. The fingers in your hair twisted the strands around them and he tugged harder, tipping your head back more, compensating for him looming over you. His knee hit the wall, his leg literally hitching you up an inch and you moaned at the pressure. Jisung snuck his tongue into your mouth then and your breath was rough out of your nose, saliva drooling from the corner of your mouth. Panting hard, he pulled back, eyes searching yours. His arm against the wall moved down to your side, still holding him up but also pressing into your waist. The hand in your hair left, the tips of his fingers soothing the slight sting he left on your scalp, then cupped your jaw. Your face looked so small cupped in his palm and something carnal, feral, rose in him.

"You're so little, noona." Jisung's tone was nothing like you had ever heard from him. His hooded gaze focused on your mouth when his thumb easily pressed against your lips, his fingers still stroking the back of your head. You watched his brow quirk up when you took his thumb between your lips, sucking on it. You had expected a blush to erupt, for his voice to sputter and for him to pull back. No. He smirked.

"Do you have any idea what I want to do to you?" Your head had to tilt up once again when he pressed even closer, chest to chest, leg still wedged between yours. You wondered if you had soaked through your panties and thin shorts, and if he could feel it. Then again, he was in sweatpants, but you could feel the fabric clinging to your folds and he had only kissed you. Yes, his thigh was pressed into your covered cunt, but he wasn't moving you on it.

"Tell me?" you whispered when he removed his thumb, eyes focusing on the shine of drool left on it. If you didn't know him better, you would take his intense expression for anger, but even with knowing him so well, you couldn't read his face. Jisung slipped his hand off your jaw, fingers pressing to the back of your neck, thumb resting under your chin. His face came close once more so close his lips brushed slightly on yours as he spoke.

"I want to fuck you so hard you can't walk for the next three days. I want to fuck you so stupid you can't even speak, just whine and beg for more. I want to make you cum so much that your cute little pussy stings. I want you to swallow my cock and I want to cum down your throat." You were going to pass out, you were sure of it. With how quickly the blood rushed to your core, your head swam. Where had your sweet little Jisung gone? How long had he been thinking like that? He couldn't even meet anyone's eyes if sex stuff got brought up around friends. But his words were thick with lust, and they swam into your ears and fogged your brain like a drug. Your thighs twitched, body shuddering when a devilish grin spread over his gorgeous face. He wasn't cute right then; he was destructively sexy, and it took your breath away. You don't think you could ever see him as your sweet little friend again.

"What do you want, noona?" The pet-name even came out different, he said it with near reverence, the single word a one-eighty from the four words preceding it.

"I want…I need you to do anything you want to me." His grin fell, he groaned, and his tongue was back in your mouth. He could taste the candy you had been eating while you spoke those fateful words, eagerly circling your tongue with his. You keened a whining moan when the hand at your neck tightened slightly, his thumb pressing into your windpipe. Your breath hitched, somehow where he gripped it gave the same heady feeling without actually restricting your breathing. What stole your air was the pleasure you were feeling just from his kiss. Your hips jumped, desperate for some friction, grinding your covered pussy against his thigh. Helpfully he pressed into you more, lifting you against the wall more, the weight of gravity pulled you onto him harder. The arm at your side that had been holding him up moved, he was using his knee then for balance, and his fingers teased along the waist band of your shorts. You whimpered when his hand continued, sneaking its way into the back of your shorts and panties, the hot pads of his fingers meeting your slick folds. You shivered and took heaving breaths when he removed himself from the kiss. His other hand was still at your throat, but he released the light pressure, making your heavy breaths easier to control.

"You're soaked, noona. For me?"

"Fuck, yes, Jisung." Expecting a kiss when he moved closer once more, he gripped your jaw, tilting your head back, thumb hooking your bottom lip. You let him move your jaw, holding your mouth open, waiting for his next move. His grin broke when he let a glob of spit fall from his lip and into your awaiting mouth. Without needing a prompt, when his thumb left your mouth, you swallowed.

"Good girl, noona." Slowly, he pulled away from you and the wall, stepping back only enough that he could take his hoodie off. He went ahead and let his shirt underneath go along with it and your heart leapt.

"Fucking hell." You gasped, reaching forward to eagerly run your fingers over him. While he wasn't necessarily to the level of Jeno or even Jaemin, for having a dancer's body he still had muscle. When had that gotten there? He barely wore anything tight let alone without sleeves, so you had no idea. He felt a wave of bashfulness rising, so he took control once again, pulling your small hands from his skin.

"Off." He prompted and you grabbed the hem of his shirt you were wearing, and he finished the job, tossing it down the hall. Clicking his tongue at your bra, you started to reach around your back to undo it, but he beat you to it. With an easy flick, it snapped open, and you let it drop, wide eyes staring at him. Where the fucking hell had he learned to do that?

"Jaemin." He must have read your mind and that made plenty of sense. Not able to even process your next move, he scooped you up easily, pressing you back into the wall. You squeaked, wrapping your mostly bare legs around his waist, fingers digging into his shoulders, he was more or less eye-level with you then. He dropped you a bit, preferring you under him more, and his nose nuzzled under your ear. He felt the goose bumps rising on your skin against his, his top just as bare as yours. His hands once again buried under the waist band of your shorts, fingers so long that the tips slipped out the leg holes of your panties, cupping your ass perfectly.

"God, Jisung!" Your body twitched when his light nuzzles immediately turned into open mouth kisses, then he sucked hard, working the skin with his lips and teeth. Popping off of your neck, his tongue ran over the flesh, blood rising and pooling at the surface. The fingers on his shoulders tightened, the blunt edges of your nails digging into his skin, and his own hips jumped then. You had been trying to ignore the tent in his pants, but he grinded his hardened cock against your cunt, only a few layers of fabric between. Jisung seemed to be big in every way.

"You still on the pill?"

"Yes, why?" You shuddered once more as he licked at the third hickey he left, that one on your collarbone.

"I need to fuck you raw." He groaned as your cunt throbbed, easily feeling it against his cock even with the clothing barrier.

"Want to pump you so full, my cum's dripping out of you for hours." Your eyes rolled back as you whined, head thrown back. You squeaked when he jostled you up higher, those beautiful and surprisingly sinful lips sucking in a nipple. Sighing at the feeling, he wasn't pleased with the gentle noise, and so he nibbled the peak instead. You yiped like a dog (ironic since he was planning on fucking you like one), a little dazed by how high up the wall he had you. Despite the altitude, he seemed to be easily holding you up, though he was able to use the wall for help. When his mouth moved to your other breast, he smirked at the red and swollen nipple he left. Your body felt like it was on fire and you both still had your pants on.

"Can I fuck you raw, noona? Feel your pussy cling to my cock?" His mouth was at your ear again, having dropped you back down to an easier level. His dick hadn't even entered you and you felt too stupid to talk.

"Please." You mewled and your submissive tone made him groan. Jisung's hands left your shorts, shoving them down off of you as he partially let you go. Your feet dangled slightly as you toed off the last of your clothes, then you yelped as he slung you over his shoulder like a sack of rice.

"J-Jisung-!?" You yelped as his hand smacked your ass, most likely leaving a big red print on your skin. The sting of the spank sent tendrils of fire right to your cunt as he stormed down the hall toward your room, your bed bigger than his. You flinched at the slam of your door as he closed it, huffing as he nearly dropped you.

"Knees." He prompted, ordered, and your body instantly obeyed. Going down the rest of the way to the floor, you sat with your knees in an 'M', gazing up at him with big glossy eyes. You were trying hard not to gape at the bulge in his sweatpants, or to run your gaze hungrily over his bare torso.

"Go ahead, noona." He nearly laughed at your eagerness, quickly reaching for the waistband of his pants and pulling them off, his hard cock bobbing in the air before you. Your wide, enraptured stare on his dick gave him a rush of nerves and pride all at once. While you came to terms with your fate, he shoved his sweatpants to the side, and you shuffled forward. Whimpering, your hand wrapped around the base of his cock, big and pretty like him. Swallowing your eyes met his.

"C-Can I grab something?" Your request threw him off, but he nodded, and you scrambled up and to your nightstand. Trotting back over, you stood demurely before him, holding the item out with both palms up. He took the little bottle from you, looking at it.

"Throat numbing spray?" His brow crooked and he looked at you, biting your lip with a giddy glaze over your eyes. It still had plastic wrap on the nozzle. Nodding once, you sank back to your knees, and he groaned low when you opened your mouth wide, tongue out.

"Why do you have this, noona?" His tone was slightly patronizing as he tore the plastic off, then spritzed the watermelon flavored spray into your mouth. Swallowing a few times, the dull sensation you could even register faded, leaving a very minute feeling in your throat.

"Guess." You giggled, hand wrapping back around his cock. Jisung buried his hand in your hair again, tugging hard to make you look back up at him.

"You've used it before?"

"I'm not a virgin, Ji." Your normal, casual tone didn't sit right with him in the moment, and he twisted your hair again, the stinging twinge making you moan softly.

"Only for me now?"

"Yes." You nodded to further emphasize your point, and his grip loosened. With a much softer hold on your head, he pressed you closer, letting you take over. Swallowing a buildup of saliva, your tongue swirled around the head of his dick, the salty taste of his precum eagerly lapped up. He was barely half-way in your mouth when the head hit your numbed throat, your jaw protesting some already. His eyes shut as he groaned, only fluttering open to watch you take his cock even deeper down your throat. The spray helped you not to gag, and you swallowed over and over, holding your breath, your nose pressing to his groin. Your hand fell, landing next to your other one as you pressed your hands to the floor. Pulling back enough that you could breathe, you twisted your head like a curious dog, eyes searing into his.

"Ready?" You moaned and his hands were back in your hair, hips jumping, burying his cock back inside your throat. Despite the numbing, tears sprung to your eyes, a slight gag leaving you. Holding still like a good girl, Jisung pumped his fat cock into your mouth and down your throat, breathing harshly through your nose when you could.

"Fuck, you feel so good, noona." He sighed, head thrown back, making sure not to use full force as he rolled his hips. Even with him holding back, you could feel the strength of his movements and you felt a puddle of wet forming on the laminate floor under you, cunt clenching around nothing.

"You better swallow it all, (Y/N)." He tried not to whimper, but he couldn't help it, letting you inhale deeply before burying his cock all the way into your gullet, pumping thick strands of hot cum down your throat. Your core spasmed, eyes fluttering as you eagerly swallowed over and over, the heat of his release warming your chest. When you woke up that morning you never dreamed you would be eagerly swallowing Jisung's cock as he came buckets down your throat. As the last little wave died, he quickly removed his still half-hard cock, brow furrowing with worry as you gasped for air. Tears were flowing down your cheeks, face red and messy, but you opened up, tongue out, to show him you obediently swallowed every drop.

"You're so fucking good, sweetheart." You gasped softly, the pet-name going straight to your needy cunt. Jisung used his index finger to gather the saliva and pre that had dripped down your chin, letting you lick it off.

"Get on the bed, it's my turn." As soon as his finger retracted, you stood quickly, albeit shakily and went to stand by the bed.

"W-which way?" His hands on your shoulders turned you to face the bed, back to him. With a shove, you fell onto the mattress, chest pressed to the surface, hips bumping the end of the bed. You then heard a light thump, and his hands were back on your ass.

"Fuck!" You gasped as his thumbs spread your soaking folds, blowing a stream of air against your fluttering core.

"Did you cum when I did, sweetheart?"

"Y-yes."

"Good girl." You could hear his smirk, then you cried out as you buried your hands into the sheets, his tongue burrowing into your hot cunt. Jisung easily held your hips still, his arm wrapping around the front of your legs, his free hand splayed over the small of your back. When his tongue left your pussy, it swirled over your clit, and he sucked it in once before running through the slit of your folds and wiggling back inside. He did this a few more times, eagerly drinking your slick.

"Fuckfuckfuck." You shuddered, not even able to warn him as your next orgasm hit, much stronger than the small one you had not even five minutes prior. He held you down as your body shook, gummy walls fluttering and throbbing around his tongue.

"You taste so good, noona." You nearly heard him lick his lips, pulse still whooshing in your ears.

"A-ah?!" You squealed when his hands parted your ass cheeks, his tongue moving up from your soaking cunt and swirling over your pucker.

"J-Jisung!?" You gasped harder, not sure how to feel about the sensation. Grateful you took a shower not even two hours ago, you still weren't really expecting his tongue to go from your pussy to your ass.

"Don't worry, noona. I just wanna taste today." He lapped over your pucker once more, then pulled back, huffing in amusement at your still twitching thighs. You were already tired, he could tell, but he was painfully hard again. Jisung's thoughts ran rampant as he tried to decide how he wanted you as he fucked you first. Your pose would do just fine.

"Hm, so wet, sweetheart." He stood so he could lean over you on the bed, one hand by your head to hold him up, the other hand leading his cock to run through your folds. You knew it was big in your mouth but feeling it at your entrance made you shiver. As the head of his cock started to breach your gummy walls, the burning sting made you sigh in delight, the heat of his skin scorching through you. Breathing hard, trying to relax, your cunt fluttered still as he buried deeper, slowly. His deep, low groan faded into a chuckle as he watched your pussy suck in his cock. At the last inch, he snapped his hips, filling you fully, head pressing into your cervix.

"Ah, FUCK!" You white knuckled the sheets, toes curling, forcing you to tip toe, his pelvis pressing to your hips. You breathed raggedly, getting used to not just the burn his fat cock forced from your walls, but the stinging pleasure the same burn forced through you. You hadn't been fucked in way too long, and you were already sure no one would ever feel as good as Jisung did right then. You had needed him, not just any guy, but him. That's why you hadn't tried looking for a date, your subconscious knowing you needed your sweet friend to rail you stupid. Jisung breathed hard as well, trying to let you get at least a little used to the stretch, but your sticky, wet heat felt too good.

"I need to move, (Y/N)."

"Please~" You whined, squealing with delight as he pulled back no more than halfway, then slowly back in. It was like he sucked the air out of you, then forced it back in, but his next thrust made you see stars. As he leaned over you, hips battering your ass with hard, shallow thrusts, his hands laid over yours, weaving his fingers through yours. The sweet move was overshadowed by his animal pace, your whimpers and squeaks just as feral. He was still trying to hold back some, but when he couldn't hold back a hard snap, he felt the same flutter as before and ground his cock into you as you came, spurts of slick coating his groin and balls as you squirted over him. Your shudders and pulses lasted nearly twice as long and when you finally laid still, he started back up himself. Your cunt stung slightly, not ready for the friction once more, but the pain just fueled the pleasure. Without the bed underneath you, you would have melted onto the floor, no strength left. Wanting to protest when he unwound your fingers, he fell forward, his bare chest to your back. Not too tightly, he wrapped his arm under you, across your collar bone, then chest, pulling you up just enough that the arm around you restricted you, forcing your elbows to your hips. Your nails dug into the fabric under your lower stomach, Jisung easily holding you up just a bit from the bed. His other arm also snaked around you, his hand laying over your lower stomach. You were sensitive there, more than most people, and just the pressure alone made you mewl. Jisung pressed harder, able to feel the bulge of his cock below your skin and as he settled into position, you realized why he was holding you so tight. He was holding you in place. His next thrust started with only the head of him inside, then he barreled his cock back into you, fucking you with abandon. You gasped, not able to even squeak or moan, mouth open in a silent scream, drool dripping from the corners of your mouth.

"Ji-Jisung-! Please, fuck!" You breathed out, your next orgasm washing over you, leaving the friction painful. The pain crested hard and fast as he continued to pound into you, fading back into pleasure. So much of your release and wet spilled from your fluttering cunt that it dripped onto the floor, down both of your thighs.

"I'm going to cum, noona. Fill you up, yeah?" He whimpered deeply, almost groaning, hips faltering just slightly.

"Yes, yes, Jisung!" He dropped both of you to the bed then, pressing you down into the mattress, gouging his cock as deep as he could, and pumping your protected womb and cunt full of hot cum. It spurted out in globs with your own cum, dripping a bigger puddle on the floor, the hard pulse of his cock even stronger as he filled you. Your vision blurred, ears ringing as you came once more, grateful that he stilled, actually really hurting at that point. Reveling in his full weight on your back, he then registered he was laying on you like that and pulled up just a bit.

"You okay?" He nuzzled the back of your ear.

"S-stings." You got out hoarsely.

"Ah." He winced with you as he pulled his still half-hard length from you, more globs of jizz and slick leaving your cunt.

"I don't think I'll walk for four days." You muttered. It took him a second to register what you meant, before he burst into laughter, pressing his sweaty forehead to your shaking shoulder.

"Good enough?" Jisung asked, making you hum.

"Fucking perfect."

Master-Master List

NCT Master List

[creedslove]

I was thinking about Joel working hard to buy a small gift for you until he finds a heart-shaped locket but he's embarrassed because he thinks you deserve something much better, he smuggles what he can and comes home tired but a little excited to give you the detail.

He cried the day you showed him that you put a photo of him in the locket, he hugged you very tightly, burying his face between your neck and shoulder while he tried not to make his crying sound so loud

while you petted his wavy grey hair.

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: omg baby, I am screaming and crying and throwing up at this wonderful idea, it's beautiful, lovely and sooo accurate because I'm sure this is how Joel would act underneath his rough exterior 😭

• it took Joel so long to admit how important you were to him, his true feelings for you, instead of just shrugging off and pretending he didn't care about you at all, he battled himself really hard in order to come clean with his own feelings

• but from the moment he finally admitted and allowed his old broken heart to beat faster for you, suddenly, you were the only thing that mattered to him, even if life was shit and neither of you had any perspective of future, he would die and kill for you and you knew it

• he often orbited from thinking he didn't deserve you and that you could find something better, but at the same time he was selfish and he didn't care about anything other than having you all for himself, as you were the only good thing he still had

• even if you two lived in a shitty, old, disgusting and moldy apartment, the times you spent fucking, holding and cuddling each other were the only good part of his life

• it was because of you he managed to slow down with his drinking and pills, he hadn't stopped it yet, you knew sometimes he needed it to cope with reality, but you were his favorite drug nonetheless

• he wanted to get you something nice, even if it was pretty hard to find something decent, he felt like you deserved a small treat for being his, and even if most of stuff he found was still shit, being a smuggler had it's advantages

• so when he saw the locket in the shape of a heart, he needed to have it for you, you deserved something pretty and gorgeous like you were, so he traded stuff here and there and managed to smuggle it back into the QZ so he could surprise you

• the day he gifted you the locket, you had squealed in happiness like a child and wrapped your arms around him, jumping into his embrace and kissing all over his lips and face, it was such a gorgeous gift, so thoughtful and you didn't hesitate in showing him gratitude for it

• he was so glad to see your reaction, knowing you deserved that and much more, it brought some light into his heart, to see you so glad because of a small gesture, which wasn't a small gesture to you at all

• if anything, it was a real big gesture and you knew you had to do something meaningful, there was only one thing you could place inside of it

• going to your safe box where you kept your personal objects and other significant things, you went through your polaroids; since you and Joel had snuck out of the QZ once to find stuff and you came across an old polaroid camera and some expired films at what seemed to have been a convenience store, you simply couldn't leave it behind

• yes, the lenses were a little cracked and the film was old but you managed to snap a few pictures of you and Joel - mostly against his will - and you didn't hesitate in taking one of them, cutting in the shape of your locket and placing inside of it

• when he came home from his shift that day, you flew to his lap as soon as he sat down on the couch, and wrapped yourself around him, he noticed the locked hadn't left your neck since he got you it and you smiled big

"open it!"

• you cheered pointing at it, which Joel chuckled and did as told, he didn't know exactly what he was expecting, but he knew he wasn't expecting to see his picture inside

"now I keep you next to my heart all the time Joel"

• you whispered to him, smiling at him with hopeful, loving eyes, while he felt tears springing through his own, not sure where that emotion was coming from, but it was there nonetheless

• his strong arms wrapped around your smaller frame as tight as he could and he buried his face between the crook of your neck, your hair falling all over it, as he tries muffling his sounds so you wouldn't notice he was actually crying

• Joel Miller wasn't a man to cry very often, but his old heart couldn't take that much love, kindness and innocence you had within, he didn't know why you had settled for him, a man with such an ugly past but he was never giving up that feeling for you

• of course you knew he was crying, but you decided not to say anything about it, it'd be better not to embarrass him, so instead you just clung to him, your hands caressing his graying curls, petting him so gently as you shared that embrace

• you loved Joel and he loved you, even if he didn't admit it out loud, there was no denying it

____

[luvv4lurd]

I hate your guts. (Let me rearrange them.)

✰ genre smut. (again.)

✰ tws: hate sex, light public sex, degrading, small praise, enemies to lovers?, breeding, mentions of pregnancy, spanking, slight gore at the start, black coded read cause writer is black, choking, fingering, Bi-Han is a kinky, nasty man.

✰ notes: ty y’all so much for the love on my first post. srry if it sucks, im tired.

Bi-Han grumbled underneath his breath in frustration as you patched up his wounds after a bloody spat with Kung Lao . “Had you not been so fucking stupid, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” You had spoke to him. “It was only a spar.” Bi-Han spoke, annoyed at you. “And it shows how weak you are.” You whispered.

Bi-Han’s brown eyes snapped up at you, standing from the chair. “Excuse me?” He said, towering over you. Your heart almost leaped out of your chest by the change of tone in his voice. “Nothin’.” You mumbled. “What was that? I could not hear you due to your constant mumbling.” He teased, a cocky smirk under his mask.

A sigh left your lips, debating on what you should say. ‘Do I wanna piss him off, or just drop it…’ you thought to yourself.

“I said, “it shows how weak you are”. Losing a fight to a monk is embarrassing.” You spoke. His cold hand went to your neck, putting slight pressure and pushing you against the desk that held bottles of pills, medicines, and other medical equipment. His other hand went up to his mask, pulling it off and setting it onto the table you were pinned against.

“I hate how annoying your voice is,” he started, the grip on your neck became harder with every word he spoke. Bi-Han leaned down towards your ear, his cold breath tickling your earlobe as he whispered, “maybe I should find a way to keep you quiet.”

You snickered at him comment. “Oh yeah? How you gonna do that, huh?” You asked in a cocky tone.

Now you regret ever saying those words.

Your pants and shoes laid on the ground, one leg around Bi-Hans waist and his fingers worked on your wet, dripping cunt. Bi-Hans pants were down as well, only far enough for his cock to hang out, throbbing a dripping with pre, Your soft, yet desperate moans and whines echoed throughout the room, as Bi-Han inserted a third finger, your moans got louder and louder, but his soft, yet cold lips met your warm ones.

His fingers pulled out of your cunt, your slick sticking to his fingers. The lost of contact made you whimper against his lips, causing him to pull back. “You look so pathetic underneath me, moaning and whimpering. Just for me.” He spoke, gripping your chin. He forced your head up harshly, making you keep eye contact with him.

His hand let go of your chin, moving his hand down towards his hard, throbbing cock. He gave himself a few pumps, before lining himself up with your hole and shoving himself inside of you, earning a loud, yet surprised whimper from you.

“Fuck—! Give me a warning before you shove yourself in me!” You whined at him. He pushed the medical supplies onto the ground, the harshly pushing you against the table. “You do not get warnings.” He said, moving his hips against yours. The noises in the room started off soft, but the sounds of skin on skin and your moans only got louder.

The cold hand on your neck blocked your airways a prevented you from even getting a sound out. He leaned down towards your ear, whispering degrading words that could make someone cry, but in your case, it only turned you on more. “Look at how greedily you’re taking me. How does it feel, hmm?” He asked into your ear. Bi-Han leaned up, throwing his head back in pleasure.

The strangled moans and cries told him everything he needed to know. “I am going to claim you, breed you, mark you as my own. Would you like that, my dear?” He asked. He took some of the pressure of your neck only to hear you answer. “Yes—! Please, keep going!” You whimpered pathetically.

“Good girl..” he grunted out, placing the same pressure back onto your neck. A cold hand came down to your thigh, the stinging sensation never leaving. “D-did you just— fucking hit me?!” You managed to speak, but it only sounded like a broken record. “Shut up and take it.” He hissed at you, throwing a leg over his shoulder.

The new position made your eyes roll to the back of your head, and your back arching off the desk slightly. With every thrust, your breast bounced, as well as the table hitting the wall. “I’m going to give you a son, whether you like it or not.” His voice rasped.

“Close! So close!” You gasped out. Bi-Hans hand left your throat, and went to your lips, covering your mouth to prevent you from crying out. “You’re so noisy. You are going to wake everyone up. Do you want that? Do you want someone to walk in and see how deep I am inside of your?” His raspy voice asked.

The thought of getting caught flew into your mind, causing your cunt to throb and your walls tightening around him. With a loud, yet muffled moan, you came. Hard. Your vision went blurry, your back arching off the table and toes curling. Bi-Han came behind you with a loud groan, but muffling it as he leaned down to the crook of your neck. His cock stayed inside of you, refusing to let any of his cum slip out.

Your heavy breaths were the only thing that was heard through the room, before you broke the silence. “I hate you. With all of my guts.” Bi-Han snapped back, sitting up and looking you in the eyes. “Were you saying that when I was buried inside of you?”

✰ banner: https://www.tumblr.com/yizaicons

[metalomagnetic]

Snippet for It runs

So, I injured myself, and it's difficult finding a comfortable position that would allow me to write, however, since I am now unable to work, I am doing my best to finish the chapter for It runs.

Unfortunately, I can only bear to sit up when I take my pills, and my pills make me a little...ugh...high, so I'll have to revisit what I write when I'm clear of mind.

Until then, here is a little snippet of a tortured mind on pain pills and muscle relaxants.

***

It’s an early afternoon, he’s seated at his desk, and he knows he has to take the ring off, he knows he doesn’t have much longer, that the Horcrux is gaining too much power, too quickly.

So Sirius tries removing it, and he slides it upwards, all the way to the second knuckle-

He blinks, and he’s in Tom’s flat again. His head throbs, he feels nauseous, disorientated at the change of scenery, from day to night, from his office to Tom’s place.

Tom kneels before him, crying. “Don’t abandon me,” he begs. “Please, don’t throw me away! I’ve been alone for so long, Sirius, in the dark, blind, deaf and cold. Please, please don’t throw me away!”

Snap out of it, Sirius tells himself. Wake up!

He blinks, and he’s in his office, collapsed near the desk and his chair.

It’s frightening the ring has this level of control already, that it can control him even when he’s not sleeping-

“Please!” He’s back in the flat, before he knows it, Tom still kneeling, holding on to Sirius’ legs, much like Harry does when he wants something. “I’ve been alone all my life. No one wanted me. No one ever wanted me! Not even him! He threw me away, too- Sirius!”

It breaks his heart, even as something weak and fading fast in his mind yells at him that it’s all a trick, that it’s just a dark artefact using everything it can to keep its hold of Sirius.

But-

He can’t ignore it. It might be a Horcrux, but Voldemort is real, Tom Riddle was once real, and alone, and Sirius cannot abandon him.

It knows it, too, that is why it’s using the word ‘alone’ so much, because it knows it’s something that Sirius always associated with Voldemort, that it always hurt him to imagine him as a child, with no one in his corner.

“You have to stop,” Sirius tells him. “You’re too aggressive, you’re taking too much.”

“I’ll be good,” Tom begs. “Please! You won’t even know I’m here anymore, I’ll stay hidden, anything you want, just don’t throw me away!”

Sirius kneels in front of him, and Tom is so quick, throwing his long arms around Sirius’ neck, hiding his face in Sirius’ shoulder.

“You’ll possess me,” Sirius says, so, so tired.

“No, no, I won’t! I promise! I’ll be good-“

“You’re lying,” he whispers.

Tom is an impression of Voldemort, an amalgamation of his traits and memories, but he’s not the real deal. He doesn’t lie as smoothly as Voldemort.

Maybe because he was too young when he made the Horcrux, or maybe it’s just that a Horcrux could never be as complex as a real human being. Whatever it is, Sirius sees through his lies.

But he can’t stay indifferent to Tom’s pain, his desperation as he hugs Sirius.

That is real, even if Tom isn’t. It’s Sirius’ pain and fear manifested through Tom, stolen by Tom, replicated to perfection, and Sirius cannot stay indifferent to it.

“Let me go.”

“Don’t-“

“I won’t throw you away, but I need you to let me go, now. If you don’t, I’ll pull myself out and then I will take the ring off. I’ll throw you into the fucking ocean.”

Tom draws back, and his eyes are clear, calculating, even as tears are drying on his face.

“You threw him away. He’s suffering, and you won’t help him. Is it not enough you abandoned him? Now you want to get rid of me, too? He gave me to you, trusted you with my safety, and now you’re thinking of betraying him again?”

“I didn’t betray-"

“I know your every thought, all your emotions. You cannot hide from me. I’m meant to absorb it all. And I did the same when he wore me. I saw his every thought, I absorbed every feeling you awoke inside him. His trust in you was unwavering. He didn’t doubt you for a second, when he decided to give me away, when he took me off and transferred me to you. He loved you.”

Tom’s eyes narrow. “Traitor,” he whispers, and he pushes Sirius, hard-

Sirius blinks, and he’s on his back, in his office. He’s shaking, and it takes several tries to stand up.

But it’s quiet, he feels alone, Tom retreating, diminishing his influence over Sirius.

He breathes easier, and he hadn’t realised it’s been hard to breathe lately.

[ilovesjamesbb]

Please Don't Leave Me (Pt. 7)

Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Depression, suicide, depressing shit

“No. No no no no no no.” He grabbed my body pulling me out of the tub. He was struggling. What is happening? Our song, James. Our song is on. I feel sleepy. I feel good. All of a sudden there is a clatter and I feel something in my mouth. It's large and it makes its way down my throat. It's a terrible feeling. I feel myself starting to wake up. 

Bucky runs over to the tub pulling y/n out of the red water. The cuts aren't that deep but enough to bleed bad. He looks down and sees the pill bottle. He picks it up and it's empty. Fuck. 

What had she done? I left her alone. This is my fault. She needed me and I left her. I didn’t know what else to do but get those pills out. 

“You're not gonna like this, doll. I promise you will be okay. I’ll fix this.” I shove my fingers down her throat hoping to trigger her gag reflex. She’s barely conscious she's not really fighting back so I push further. 

“Come on. Come on!” Fuck this isn’t working. Right when I lost hope she started to gag and throw up. It's not enough. I keep my fingers down her throat. 

“There you go, doll. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.” She vomits until there is nothing left. The bath water is starting to overflow and red water finds its way onto the floor. I grab her head and rock her back and forth. Crying. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I harshly wiped her hair out of her face. 

“Our song is on, James.” She smiles but never opens her eyes. Thank god.

“Yes doll our song is on.” I say sweetly but I can hear the sadness in my voice as it cracks. 

“I wish this was real, James. I wish this is how it could've been.” She hums sadly. She thinks this isn’t real?

“This IS real doll. I’m right here.” I cry. The floor covered in vomit and bloody water is something I'll never forget. I rip the towel off the wall and cover her in it. I need to call someone but I don’t want to leave her. 

“I love you. I never wanted you to hate me for trying to kill myself. I thought I was doing the right thing. All I could see in that moment was your reaction to watching the tape the scientists would send you and I didn’t want you to end up how I am now.” She whispers. Still clearly not with it. 

“I wish you were real right now. I wish we got to have the future I dreamt of.”

“Tell me about it, doll.” I said trying to keep it together.

“We would live in a white house with a red door. There would be a white fence and flowers on the front lawn. A huge willow tree in the back where maybe we could put a swing. The paperboy would drop off the paper every morning and I would make you coffee and bring it to you in bed. We would read the paper together. Our favorite song is playing on one of the many record players we have in the house. You would wake me up with a kiss every day. We would talk about what we wanted to name our future baby. We would get to have kids and they would grow up to love the music we like almost as much as they would love you…” She trailed off. God I wanted that too. 

“What else? Tell me more.” I urged her on. I wanted to make her regain full consciousness. 

“I’m tired James. I can see it, can't you? I see the dog running in the backyard. You always throw his ball too far…he can’t find it. I can’t find you… James, where are you…” I can feel her start to slip again. She was panicking. 

“Y/n. Y/n!” I yell, shaking her.

“JARVIS. Call Steve, call Tony, call someone!” I screamed. The fear in my voice evident. 

“They are coming, Sergeant Barnes. I alerted Dr. Cho as well.” I held her in my arms whispering sweet nothings into her hair. I couldn't lose her for a third time. 

[aghoststorycomic]

A GHOST STORY HAS (NOT) UPDATED!! THE AUTHOR IS DEAD....TIRED.

TODAY’S UPDATE: HERE START THIS CHAPTER: HERE START FROM THE TOP: HERE

first, because of how flighty i've been with updates, i would like to encourage you to use an RSS feed reader and add the "a ghost story" RSS feed to it by clicking "find feeds in page" or "add new feed" and entering www.aghoststorycomic.com/. or dragging and dropping it if you use a different RSS feed reader. rss feeds are how the ancients used to navigate the web and through it they knew when things updated immediately. using an RSS feed has 2 major benefits: 1. you can get updates without having to use any social media or following my social media. 2. you can keep up with the comic when updates get sporadic without having to hopefully remember to check it some day in the future.

second, i do not like to advertise the patreon when i am behind on rewards and have been unable to deliver anything of interest beyond comic pages for a while, but consider throwing a buck a month at me to see pages a month early. that's something.

i realize that webcomics really need reliability to survive, so i'm genuinely so annoyed and so unhappy that i'm in this situation. i toughed it out as long as i could, but this final leg has been the fucking pits. it sucks. effexor is a notorious nightmare of an antidepressant to get off of and boy were they not kidding. i'm down to a quarter pill doses, but my body is rampaging because i'm not dosing it with the norepinephrine treat its become accustomed to. its never so much that i'm like, in acute physical or mental distress, its just bad enough that it makes working consistently hard. i had a buffer up until this last month when it was completely used up because i was too busy thinking about how bad my entire face hurt. or how my eyes felt like they were vibrating out of my skull.

i started effexor two years ago and was on a pretty high dose. i got the most bizarre and unpleasant side effects on this drug and the reason i didn't do anything about it was because the drug's primary effect was to instill me with a sense of overwhelming apathy. this is a great effect (intentional? i'm not sure) to have when the symptom you were trying to treat was "unbearable anxiety". not joking, it worked incredibly well for at least getting me mentally back to a baseline level of sane. after that, though, with nothing irrational to be apathetic about, my brain decided that household chores, basic hygiene, and my job were pointless and stupid or unpleasant. food tasted bad. not bland, bad. showers felt annoying instead of relaxing. i would look at the dishes piling up in the sink, the barest minimum i should be doing around the house on a daily basis to maintain a comfortable living space and would think "well that is just impossible".

but i was also putting up with a lot of stupid shit from my body. it made my right hand fingers and lower back feel distractingly stiff. my lip was split for a year straight and would re-open every time i opened my mouth. my nose and gums had open sores. i got a rash on my face that lead me down a rabbit hole for months trying to figure out if i do or don't have lupus (i dont)(neat). i would get insomnia so bad i would be up for 36 hours regularly, but i was too tired to get anything done. and with the withdrawals i would get all of those and as an added bonus i got to enjoy body aches that felt like bruises all over my body. they hurt so bad that laying on the couch was uncomfortable as a consequence of newton's third law. and i'd have weird meltdowns about the cats hating me (?). i am only boring you with all of this whining to try to explain the amount of distractions i was fending off while still trying to be a productive member of a household, experiencing common adulthood problems galore (basement....), and trying to create comics for you and for me. i am telling you this because it sucked, and sucks, so bad.

on top of everything else, the impact the effexor has had on my creativity has been eye-opening. i realized there was a correlation between my dosages increasing and my ability to draw nosediving. the "impossible" feeling of the dishes carried over to my comic work which got lazier and worse and i knew it and it was frustrating. there is a special kind of shame and guilt you develop when you charge someone for something you know is not your best work, just the best you could do in the moment. or when you are just sitting in front of your computer staring at it blankly and thinking about how much you'd like to draw if only it wasn't the hardest thing in the world. you feel like a lazy sack of shit, knowing that there is nothing physically preventing you from working. your brain simply cannot make

i started the weaning process in i think november so am pretty much on track for this to actually be over soon. there's light at the end of the tunnel. its happening. and there are bright moments in between doses where i can actually do things. like right now! i drew this very easily instead of being in hell for hours. but these precious moments are short lived until the withdrawal symptoms start up and i have to take another pill that nerfs me.

anyway APRIL 6th! dont forget me or ill cry.

[fallingforel]

Hey!! What’s up? I was wondering if you could do number 3 on the prompt list with Alex Turner but can you make it like a hurt/comfort thing where maybe they get into some sort of fight? I don’t wanna be too specific because I hate taking away creative freedom but I would love you forever🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🥰

CW:MENTIONS OF SICK.

A/N I am so so so sorry that it has taken me more than a month to get to my requests but i have been super super busy with everything just taking some time out for myself but im back and carrying on with everything while dealing with writers block for arabella ahagaha anyway for those wanting to request... prompt list is here. on with the showwww

PROMPT 3: "I need you"

words: 1,058

⋆｡°✩

⋆｡°✩

"ALEX. GO AWAY. I DON'T FEEL WELL. I DON'T NEED YOU HERE. LOOKING AFTER ME LIKE SOME TINY TODDLER BA-" I shouted from inside the bathroom door, which was cut off by emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl.

"darling I just want to be here for you. help you."

"yeah well not right now. I don't need you getting sick just before you have to leave for tour tomorrow. I can't let you risk it. If you want to help go stay at a hotel so you don't get infected with whatever I've got going on right now"

"okay. okay. I'm going right now. call me if you need anything. promise"

"I promise Alex. go. I don't need you here."

an hour had passed when I had finally gotten up from the bathroom floor. finally emptying all that I could from my stomach.

"knock knock. I'm coming in." Natalie. my best friend had announced herself.

"ugh. not you as well. Nat I'm fine. I don't need everyone babysitting me. I've dealt with sickness on my own before I don't need everyone looking after me I'm not a child"

"oh wow. I was only coming to say hello. but I've clearly hit a nerve. what's going on nobody mentioned you were sick. in that case stay clear of me I've got a shoot in 3 days. I do not have time to get sick"

"cheers nat. Thanks for looking after me."

"geez with the mood swings. you weren't wanting me to babysit you a few moments ago now you want me to look after you. What's wrong with you anyway"

"well, I've got sore boobs, metallic taste in my mouth all the time, I'm throwing up all the time I'm also tired all the fucking time. I just want this bug to pass so I can go back to happy healthy Y/n"

"Y/n babe when did you last have your period. 2 months ago why???" it took me a moment to realise it. and soon I gasped. "OMG! no I cant be this has come at the worst time I cant be. I'm on the pill and we used a condom"

"not always effective babe."

"okay okay. lets not rush into anything. Can you go pick up a pregnancy test."

"no need. I've got one in my bag for emergencies"

"err... I'm not gonna question that right now, we'll circle back to that one later. but okay I'll go take that right now. you stay here."

⋆｡°✩

After waiting what felt like an age but in reality only three minutes I flipped the test over.

POSITIVE 3+ WEEKS

"fucking great. just at the worst time." I whispered to myself.

"Y/n is everything okay in there."

"yeah. I need to be on my own. I'm sorry"

"don't even mention it babe. I'll see myself out now. Want me to lock the door"

"nah leave it open. shut it obviously but don't lock it"

⋆｡°✩

I knew I needed to tell Alex. tell him I was sorry before he left and about the baby that was growing inside me at the minute.

The phone rang once twice three times before he finally picked up.

"Y/n babe is everything okay."

"I need you. so bad" I cried down the phone to him

"I'm coming right now sweetheart. do you need anything?" he asked.

"Just a hug"

"okay okay. I'm on my way. Be five minutes top darling"

⋆｡°✩

and he really wasn't lying when he said he'd be no longer than 5 minutes because I heard the door go no longer than 3 minutes after I ended the phone call.

"Y/n darling?" he called

"upstairs Alex" I said my voice wavering.

he burst the bathroom door open. and I started sobbing jumping into his arms wrapping my arms round his torso. the both of us swaying from the impact a bit. but we soon stopped and Alex's arms soon wrapped round meeting at my waist. Alex walks the two of us to our shared bedroom sitting us down on the bed.

"woah darling what's this what's got you in such a tizzy?" he asks.

"I'm sorry." I mumble into his shoulder.

"sorry for what sweetheart?"

"sorry for shouting at you. sorry for accusing you for babying us. sorry for the news I'm about to put on you."

"There's no need to apologise for that darling you did nothing wrong." It takes him a moment for him to realise my last statement from my previous statement.

"Y/n what news what are you going on about? You are really freaking me out honey."

"Stay here" I pull myself out of his arms, and walk to the bathroom where the pregnancy test lay on top of the toilet.

"This is the news." I say walking back into the bedroom sitting on the bed next to him and pass him the pregnancy test that lay in my hand.

"You mean- You mean we're going to be parents?"

"Not if you don't want to be."

"Not if I dont? Darling of course I want to be a parent. Do you want to be?"

"of course I do its just-"

"it's just what?"

"Its just. Is now even the right time to become preganant especially when you leave for tour tomorrow. What about in 9 months time? What about when I become too fat to walk anywhere."

"That won't happen sweetheart. because you aren't gonna become fat. You'll have a baby in your tummy. Our baby. And as for the tour. You'll come with me, we can sort out something. we're doing the asia america and australia first and then in 4 months we'll be in the UK and your joining me for every single leg sweetheart the tour wont effect your pregnancy, we'll be home before babys here and there'll still be time for nesting getting baby ready and everything else."

"okay. thank you Alex. for calming my worries. We're going to be parents." I say pulling him into a hug.

"Damn right we are."

⋆｡°✩

9 months later.

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yourusername Gianna Louise Turner 13/05/23

mattjhelders: shes beautiful y/n

breanahelders: amelia finally has someone to play with

↳yourinstagram: not too soon though, shes only just been born 😂

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[ashintheairlikesnow]

When the juice hits you I would LOVE more Jameson and Vincent at Nat’s house content! I love them so much :,)

CW: Chronic pain, discussion of stalking and attempted murder, mentions of dead people, everyone is in a bad mood hooray

-

"Go back to fucking bed." Jameson grunts the words more than speaks them, squinting down into a coffee mug while rubbing one hand over his throbbing left knee. Not that the right one doesn't hurt, too. But he picks one and sticks with it until the pain pills kick in and he can fucking stand up again. "It's five in the fucking morning."

"Yeah, and I've been up since four, so... Don't know what you want from me." Vincent Shield doesn't look like a movie star these days. Just like Kauri's shaggy older brother who needs a haircut and a three-week nap. His bruising is all gone, everywhere but the look in his blue eyes.

All the wounds are there, now.

Jameson watches him pour himself a cup of coffee. In just a hoodie and jeans, you'd never recognize him when compared with the heroes he plays on big screens. Or used to.

"I want you to fuck off," Jameson replies, but there's no real anger in his rasping voice. Vince just smiles at him. Jameson finds himself cataloging the differences between he and Kauri, the biggest being the way Kauri smiles like he could fix everything if he just burned bright enough. Vince smiles, when he isn't posing for photos, like everything will shatter if anyone sees it.

"Landlady seems to like me, so I guess you're out of luck." Vince adds sugar and milk, too much of both. Pauses. Stares down into his mug. "I used to add Irish cream and some whiskey into my coffee every day when I wasn't working. Sometimes when I was. Probably... Probably a lot of the time when I was."

"Huh." Jameson digs his thumb into a spot on his knee. It flares bright with pain, so stark he nearly bites his tongue against a scream. Then something feels like it gives way, and the pain drops from a roar to a more manageable hum. "You're a sad drunk, too."

Vince actually laughs at that. "I really am, aren't I?"

"Based on how much of a sad fuck you are sober, I can only figure it gets worse when you're not."

Vince sits down across from him at the table, watching him. He doesn't even look mad, or hurt. Just... tired. "You think I'm an ungrateful asshole, huh?"

Jameson, still rubbing at his leg, pauses and looks up. "What?"

"Because I'm rich. Millionaire movie star in his giant house sitting around drinking himself to death on two-hundred dollar whiskey. People tell me they love me everywhere I go, if I let them know who I am. People write me letters. I had a stalker, for a while." He runs fingers back through his hair, growing out a little. Looks more like Kauri's now. "I wonder if that was just Owen, too."

"Maybe. To the stalker thing, not the rest of that bullshit." Jameson's fingers ache, trying to stay bent and curled, and he has to fight to straighten them enough to count off as he speaks. "Millionaire movie star whose only friend is a woman he writes fucking checks to, giant house you sit around in alone, two hundred dollar whiskey you don't even share with anybody but your fucked up liver, nobody who says they love you even fucking knows you, those letters are creepy as hell, and having a stalker isn't a fucking good thing, dumbass."

Vince snorts, but a smile plays around his lips. "Owen said he loved me."

"I'm so fucking sick of that asshole. He's dead and still the center of half your conversations. He didn't know you, either."

"We'd been friends since we were kids-"

Jameson is in too much pain to deal with Vincent being a mopey little shit. He hurts in places that don't even have nerve endings. His bones fucking throb. The pills aren't kicking in yet, or maybe he needs to take more. Maybe they don't work anymore. Either way, he groans and leans back in his chair. "Will you just fucking stop? The taste of your voice is making me want to throw up lately you talk so much."

Vince pauses. "The... what of my what now-"

"I don't give a fuck about Owen goddamn Grant and you shouldn't either. You're too old keep that shit up."

Vince takes a long drink of coffee, then makes a face when it scalds his tongue. Jameson tries not to smile. "I-... I just, my whole adult life I've been trying to get away from him-"

"Yeah, and you did. You got. You got about as far away from someone as you can get. Dead men don't come back and they can't hurt you again."

It hurts. Everything hurts. His heart joins the party, twisting hard inside his chest. Grief feels worse than any of the other pains. Ghosts that find him in his sleep, whispering accusations or endearments, shoving him away or holding him close. But gone when he wakes up.

Always gone.

"Jameson-"

"Dead men don't come back," Jameson repeats, more firmly. "You slit his throat-"

Vince flinches.

"-and saved someone from him. Probably a lot of someones. Guys like that don't stop at the first dead body. Bunch of dead hot guys with black hair and blue eyes, after a while, probably. He had the look."

"The... look?"

"In his eyes. Somebody figuring out they liked the idea of being the last thing someone was afraid of. Would've been Kauri, and then you, and then that wouldn't fix it and he'd keep trying. Keep finding men like you. Keep killing them and then realizing he had to try again, because nobody would ever be enough. There aren't ever enough dead bodies for somebody like that. They run out of places to hide them."

Vince has slipped into silence, watching Jameson talk with a look of faint surprise. And concern, which pisses Jameson off.

"Don't look at me like that."

"I kept a knife in my bed," Vince says slowly. "Everywhere I went. Even hotels, even in my trailer on set. I always had a knife. Just in case. And I-... I still have one. Upstairs, between the mattress and box springs. Is that weird?"

Jameson shrugs. "No. Maybe for other people. But not for people like us."

"Us?"

"Yeah, numbnuts. Us. People who fucking killed someone just to not die." Jameson fixes him with a glare, then grabs at his crutches to pull himself to his feet. Once his arms are braced for support, he sighs. It takes the work away from his knees, and they seem to soothe a little.

Or maybe that's just the pills.

Finally.

"Listen, Shield. Save your unburdening of the soul shit for therapy, okay? I got my own problems. And I can't help you with yours. Mine wake me up at night."

Vince looks up at him, head tipped to one side. "Yeah. Mine do, too. I wake up wanting a drink so goddamn badly I can barely breathe. I used to drink until I fell back asleep. Now I just... lay there until I give up and get coffee."

"Yeah. I wake up wanting, too."

Jameson wakes up burning for Nanda to lay a hand on his back and whisper in his ear. He wakes up praying that next time the ghosts will find someone else to haunt. He can't be the only one. He wakes up trying not to cry from the pain. And he hears Vince pacing down the hall every single fucking time.

"It gets better, though, right? The... craving, and just... If I could just have the one thing... That gets better?"

"Fuck if I know." Jameson turns away, jaw set as he works to get to the living room. He can't do the stairs, not yet. His body needs to remember how to cooperate first. Weird how it's gotten worse the longer he hasn't been terrified of being caught again. Therapist says he feels safe, and so his body feels safe to show everything because he doesn't have to fight so hard to survive.

She's probably right.

Jameson pauses, then looks over his shoulder. "Look. Sorry. I feel like shit today."

"Yeah." Vince runs a finger around the edge of the mug sitting in front of him. "Me, too."

"Just. Okay. Listen. Some days, I don't think about him at all, yeah? And that didn't used to happen. So... I guess it gets better."

Until he feels so goddamn guilty for forgetting that it feels even worse. He turns away so Vince won't see the pain on his face.

"Also, I really don't care that you're a millionaire or whatever the fuck. Nanda was a millionaire, too, and it didn't save him. Him being rich didn't save me, either. Just made it worse when I didn't have him anymore."

"... Jameson-"

"Never mind. Just fuck off until I'm too high to be mad at you, okay?"

He collapses onto the couch, closing his eyes and drifting on a sea of pain. There's one more pill in his pocket. He digs it out and swallows it dry.

Please, please, please stop hurting. Inside or out. He doesn't care which. But he can't keep this up if it's both.

[yinnyguardian]

Anyone Want A Free Ivara Prime Neuroptics Blueprint? TwT

Giving away a free Ivara Prime Neuroptics Blueprint to anyone who needs it after I felt too bad to turn down an extra <3 (FCFS)

(Well as free as Warframe allows. You will have to trade at the very least a throwaway trash item/mod due to Warframe not allowing completely free trades)

Ok so a little story behind as to why I'm giving it away IF YOU WANT! It's a long read with a very small very vague spoiler nearer to the top and I overdramatized the fuck outta this to make it fun to read LMAOOO

If you want the over dramatized context, click "Keep Reading" >:3

It was yesterday, specifically sometime between 12-2 AM. I got onto Warframe, ready to play a bit before getting settled for bed... However... A Mistake was made.

Simaris popped up. The daily stuff restarts around 8-9 PM for me. He's offering his Tenno Slav- I mean Hunter a reward. An offering of three choices. Two different types of Rescource Boosters and whatever the fuck the last one was (I wasn't paying attention).

I had my eyes on the prize and totally forgot I wouldn't even be able to use them fully since I'm doing this before going to bed in like an hour or less. I was basically biding time for my sleep pills to set in. But that didn't stop me.

Instead of closing the game to pick the next day... I foolishly took the Rescource Booster that gives you extra resources upon pick-up! Worse still, it didn't even dawn on me the mistake I had made as my attention fled to the yellow marker. The Kinepage had updated.

I rushed over, ready to see what it said. And after reading it I smiled to myself, happy to have experienced such an update, as small as it was.

However that happiness didn't last as I finally remembered and realized my mistake when my eyes darted to the bottom of my screen... To the clock.

I gasped and rushed to the Navigation, quickly opening the first mission I could think of! An Alert. Maroo had another hunt for me. I quickly took her mission, ready to get that Ayatan Treasure and some Argon Crystals I had been waiting on a Resource Booster for... Not realizing it would end in disaster!

I typically only ever get 1 or 2 Argon Crystal spawn ins per round. So I was expecting 4 Argon Crystals at most! How foolish I was. I looked in abject horror once the mission was complete. 10. 10 Argon Crystals.

I rush over to the Foundry, praying I would have enough blueprints! Alas it was in vain. By the end I still had 6 Argon Crystals. But it was going on 2:30 AM and I was tired. Sleep had found it's way to me. Knowing that I had by 12 AM the next night, I went to sleep and prayed I'd be able to get the blueprints the next day.

Today came and I quickly hopped on Warframe while pulling up the list of Blueprint needed for such a task. I decided to focus on Relics. AKA Prime Frames and/or Weapons. Specifically any of the common variant that I didn't already own... But my supply was thin and time was ticking.

By the way one of the relic packs I was opening...? Yeah the reward I wanted was a common. I opened 4 of them. Didn't get the specific reward I want. You wanna know what I did get? I got the uncommon. How the fuck did I get an uncommon before the common? It's like the game knows like "Oh hey you want this? This should be easy-to-get reward? Yeah? Too bad you don't get it >:)" LMAOOO

Cough

Anyway.

As I watch my relics deplete that had those specific blueprints with only one success, leaving me with 4 Crystals left, I felt hopeless... That was until... I noticed my plat and remembered... Yes... Yes the Warframe Market! That would be my saving grace upon such a troubling time!

I rush over to the Market Website and scanned prices of the blueprint! First one went by quickly! Baruuk Prime systems! Only two more Argon Crystals left.

Next one I set my sights on was the Ivara Prime Neuroptics. I sent a message and after about 5-10 minutes with still no response, I decided to throw out another hook. This time a fish caught it. I smile widely as the second person gets back to me. They took me to the dojo, we did the trade, and I finally could rest knowing my Argon Crystals would not fall into waste... Or so I thought.

However... As I enter an easy capture mission on earth, a throwaway mission for my sights had set on Nora Nightwave's Complete 15 Mission quest... I got a message. The first person had been AFK. Which was fine! I constantly find myself distracted and/or AFK and accidentally leave any potential buyers to wait on complete accident. However they ask the question... Do I still need the neuroptics. I didn't...

So naturally I said yes I do!

Now this might sound stupid, however I felt bad. If I had just waited yet another 10 minutes this poor person could have gotten plat instead. And again, I quite know the feeling of accidentally making a buyer wait for a response only to be too late. You tend to feel awful.

As I rush through the mission so they can give me an invite to their glorious dojo, they kept being super sweet and kind. As the trade commenced, I paid and looked upon the familiar neuroptics, still no clue with what I'll do with such a thing.

Obviously I couldn't resell it even if I did do it for cheaper than original price. That would be wrong. But as I sat and wondered, clicking accept and finalizing the deal... I realized what I must do!

I said my thank you's and farewells to the individual before coming here and any other possible places I might post (Idk where else for now).

So I offer to anyone who wants it who doesn't already have Ivara Prime Neuroptics... The blueprint. Completely free You, unfortunately due to how the trading system in the dojo works, will have to offer something in the trading place but it can just be a throwaway junk mod (Like Revenge, Ammo Drum, Pressure Point... Just something that you can get really easily and don't use/need much). I apologize for this inconvenience TwT

[winderlylandchime]

The Man, the Myth, the Legend is tired and in pain but that’s his own fault and you will see why: ‘OH HOT GUY ALERT! Emmett..baby..he is wearing denim on denim with a leather jacket, if that doesn’t scream gay, idk what does. GAY! WHAT DID I SAY!’ He just paused the episode and walked to the tv to look at Justins art ‘THATS bc you accepted a boy who wasn’t beaten yet. So of course his work was different, sherlock! Now stop being a prick and let my boy draw on his computer! We expect our students to what now? What did he just say about excelling at everything? Just bc he’s disabled doesn’t mean he won’t be amazing?! Oh just say you don’t accept disabled people you old fart! Fuck you and your tradition! I hate this clown..oh i guess the clown has some brain after all!..BRIAN! Dont put any ideas in his head.. oh he wants him to succeed and be the best and do good and this is a lot to handle on so many pain meds’ ‘why is linds being a bitch? Since when is she so uptight? Oh, the silence is LOUD…BRIAN WILL YOU GRAB THAT AND THEN HE JUST DOES? OH HE IS GONE. THAT MAN IS IN LOVE! HE IS SO IN LOVE AND NOBODY EXCEPT ME FOR SOME REASON SEES THIS *looks at me like he just realized im there too* can you see it?!’ ‘Okay dudes, that was not chill! You don’t do that to your friends. It’s fun to be jokey but that was not cool, yall are better than that…are you tho? MICHAEL BET 5 WEEKS?! i guess people do change. Tell them debbie! At least she gets it, even if she only gets it once every 17 episodes’…‘Ben better be better than David. Oh is he gonna be the one..i mean he’s asking him to talk about comics..david hid them. I hated that. Okay Benny boy, you can stick around, I’ll allow it but you get 3 strikes!’ ‘Okay goatee dude, chill the fuck out. People are allowed to have relationships and still be the hottest thing around. Don’t make him self conscious, i have worked overtime to try and get him to admit to being in love! DONT RUIN THIS FOR ME!….NOOOO HE RUINED IT FOR ME!…MICHAEL! WHAT THE FUCK MICHAEL WHO JUST SAYS THAT TO A PERSON? Just when i was about to be in your corner, someone please hit him! You cant just say fucked up shit and then say sorry! Thats not how that works!’ Then he felt bad for Mikey bc of the school thing and then he hated that he felt bad bc hes mad at him ‘Oh we are getting hot and HEAVY! Bri Bri, i am impressed! You knew he was upset and why! Oh so that guy was nothing but Justin is something? MY DUDES WE SERIOUSLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO TALK. Aww he doesn’t want Brian to change. Now that’s love! Oh COME ON, I CANT FUCKING WIN EVEN FOR A MINUTE! Im a good person, i deserve good stuff, throw me a bone ffs’ ‘aw Benny boy is listening! Oh he is way better than david! If youre the one, you can stay! Just do me a favor and make mike more tolerable, i am begging for the sake of my well being..that was sweet mike, now give me brian and justin again!’ He had to go and take his last dose of pills for today and he just looked at the ceiling and flapped his arms around while making no noise at all, so id say he’s handling it well. ‘Listen, i am 100% straight. But THIS *points to a paused screen of Brian in the green light in the beginning of the non confession scene* is one beautiful man! I AM INTRIGUED And I would not mind him hitting on me.’ I made a comment that he is now 54 years old to which he puts his hand up in my face and goes ‘I’ll get back to you on that’ and just continued to watch. 1/2 of 2x06

Dear sweet anon - I am SCREAMING over him asking if you see that Brian is in love too. Yes, Brother Anon, that's why we're all here 20 years later. Still sobbing over them.

And yes, Gale Harold is the most beautiful man to ever man. I have a straight crush on him and even at 54 he could get it. The green light scene is one of my favorite. UGH that profile.

[fmiliarpattrns]

tw sh

I'm still having complications from swallowing a bunch of pills the other day and it sucks I'm tired of being pain. I just really wanted to die again but it didn't work. But honestly I'm kind of like.. why am I doing this? I mean I know that I hate myself and I don't want to live but after I took them I kind of realized there's stuff I want to do and I can get better.

And I kind of don't want to give her the satisfaction. I know that she hates me and she would rather I suffer for the rest of my life because I've hurt her. Which is her own fucked up thought process to figure out, but that doesn't mean that I have to make it true and live my life that way.

It's strange because when I was on a walk the other day I felt like the things that I wanted were more in reach. Which is so hard. I wanted to live our life together, but I know that she didn't want the same things as me. I know that that's kind of why I pushed her away before any of this happened. Part of me still wishes we could have made it work, but at the same time I'm not sure that even if everything was fine we would have made it work.

I just wish I hadn't treated her so poorly. I still pay penance for that in my heart every day. And I miss her as a friend, I miss talking to her, I think about her when I see things that she likes.

But I want to have my own life. And I'm not going to sit here and suffer just because she wants me to. I do have to pick myself up and try to move on and live my life despite everything. And I want to I want to do it well. I have hope which is so confusing.

Anyways I just really like it if my kidneys stop hurting. I'm tired of eating dry toast so I don't throw up

[dontyoufinditstrange]

Painting Of A Panic Attack Lyrics That Alter My Brain Chemistry

Death Dream

"an open mouth screams and makes no sound" "i don't know if there's breathing or not" "a still life is the last i will see of you" "my painting of a panic attack"

Get Out

"i'm in the arch of the church between her thumb and her forefinger, i'm a worshipper" "she's an uncut drug" "and for a minute i was floating dead above myself" "saw a glimmer in the dark and now i know she won't get out of my heart" "there's a name on my chest in red" "and i don't want you to get out of my heart"

I Wish I Was Sober

"we all thought that i might change as i got older" "fell down and nothing bled" "its far too late to talk so much" "forgive me i can't speak straight" "choke down the gateway drug, open the gates in came the flood" "my love you should know the best of me left hours ago" "i can't unsink the things i've sunk" "i wish that i was sober"

Woke Up Hurting

"daybreak comes with the devil's hum" "show me the door i need somewhere to go" "i woke up with dirty knees not for the first time" "i woke up hurting though i can't quite say why" "run sacred rivers up my sleeve" "i live for a beam of light" "we should pray for abduction, pray it comes soon" "plans for heaven or hell will do"

Little Drum

"i hurried home in orbit close to where i know i'm fine" "i waited for the crash to come" "too many days with too little to do" "so many days spent in empty rooms" "and then it strikes this all we've lived this long but only ever half alive" "its too late for a wasted youth" "its too late to wage a war"

Still Want To Be Here

"the perfect place may never exist" "the perfect time might be years and years away" "i still want to be here" "i would live in a devils ditch just to be near you" "nowhere to run to so we hide like mislaid infants" "fuck these faceless homes and everyone who lives in them" "i would live in a shallow pit just to be near you"

An Otherwise Disappointing Life

"i have a long list of tepid disappointments it doesn't mention you" "i don't need water i just want to wave goodbye, goodbye to an otherwise disappointing life" "i took a pain pill to scrape a hole we both could get lost in and cover love's bruise" "so lay upon me and push until its all forgotten, there are worse ways to lose you" "i have a long list of tepid disappointments and you should burn that too"

Break

"forgot to bend and now i've broken all we have" "nothings worse than realizing who you hurt" "over the edge i cant stop myself, off the ledge throwing punches" "i can't steer myself" "all over again i don't want this" "if i bend then i might not break" "if i bend then it might be okay" "can we pick up all the debris of our bitter past?"

Blood Under The Bridge

"clean out your mouth, this is not what its for" "pick up your sorrow this is not who we are" "its just blood under the bridge" "i'm too tired to fight" "watch the blood under the bridge go by" "so tie your ragged fuck-ups in a neat little knot and put it on the shelf behind the picture we bought" "i found a way to make the best of a flaw and realize its not the end its an uncomfortable pause" "and youre sick of feeling sick and so am i but its alright"

400 Bones

"400 bones crumpled in bed, i'm the only one who knows that you're still breathing" "this afternoon is one i will be keeping" "we're passing out inside a sleeping mausoleum" "this is my safe house in the hurricane" "this is what i'm living for, forever coming home" "you as my horizon line, the star i navigate by" "on absent days i will return to this place and play a silent color film within my head"

Lump Street

"though breath is warm, sex is cold" "each piece is fired inside a broken mould" "do you want more unshapely love?" "she tore his tongue out at the end of lump street" "she liked the see the blood beneath his skin" "he wore her muscles, kissed all of the bruising away" "hes a full grown man, no shoulder to cry on" "raised by wolves and they taught him to bite down hard" "scars like armor" "raised by the state but they tore it all down" "they fucked and they fought but it still felt right" "run away from these orange lump street lights" "there is life beyond the one you already know"

Die Like A Rich Boy

"i need to find somebody who can tear me away from the car crying babies and switchblade days" "i won't die in the bony arms of the state to be laid to rest in the wake of the faded town" "i can see you wrapped in egyptian threads in a marble garden, immune to the mess" "if i leave this world in a loaded daze i could finally have and eat my cake" "i want to die like a rich boy diving in a hydrocodone dream" "wanna die like a rich boy drowning in a lake that bears my name, you can die like a rich girl by me flushed and radiant with fame" "i wanna lie in a state on the tv in a golden cardboard crown" "well i found you now so tear me away from the feral street they lumped us in" "we can lose our minds at the top of the hill" "we burn cash and carry a decadent flame way in to the night and beyond the grave"

The Wreck

"we're both sinking tonight forever it goes" "as the saltwater gushes into our ships holes don't you dare jump without me" "i'm not good on my own" "there is peace beyond trouble "im desperate to meet you below the blue surface in a quiet reprieve" "it wrecks who it pleases" "the swell pulls me under come under with me" "i've got pills in my pocket"

Wait Til The Morning

"its the usual case of the only point being proven is the one that was first made" "wait til the morning" "when no one's listening anyway" "no greater good will come of it, just wait" "stop trying to change a shovel into a spade, its all the same" "no one sees the names up on the leaderboard cause no one's in the lead" "we'll burn the fiendish effigy" "we are all designed to wax and wane" "the light will come back on again"

A Lick Of Paint

"i know you're listening, i know you're there" "we get listless and worn with age" "i can see it now, theres a crack in the paint" "it wasn't you, it didn't break, but we could use a lick of paint" "it can get like that and sometimes it should" "there's medications that we can take but they kill our judgement and strip the paint" "there is time so take some rest" "don't worry too much, it can be repaired" "it could be me who's to blame, i think i need a lick of paint"

[lookatthativebeenimpailed]

Let me just spitball something... I am traveling in Croatia right now and we were talking about things that change you. Specifically studying abroad. It's been on my mind ever since my tour director mentioned it. I wasn't gone long. Maybe 5 months, it was only a semester. But she was talking about the reverse culture shock. The way that being alone abroad changes you. How people don't understand when you're changed or really why. And that it was really the beginning of the end in my relationship. Whats more is we were only together like a little over a year when this happened. But if I really think I came back different. I wasn't the confident girl who left. Being alone challenged me in a way that was beyond what I could handle. It set in motion the clear, slow and steady decline of my mental health over the next three years. I realized I wasn't as strong as I thought and it scared me. My boyfriend fell in love with the confident girl who had a sense of self. I lost myself. I didn't even realize it until this moment the impact it had on me. I morphed myself into a version who mirrored him and was only concerned with making sure he never left. It's a striking realization. And a rather tough pill to swallow. I still don't know who I am or what I want or what job I want despite having two degrees. Who am I? What do I want out of life? I cover up with humor and smiles but my eyes are still sad and dead. I'm not depressed and I'm managing okay. I'm just lost maybe. Like a ship without a sail or stars to guide it.

How does one go about finding themselves in the world. I have no sense of style I don't not know how to dress myself. But I also don't know how to dress myself. I want to throw everything I own away and start over. Obviously that's unrealistic. Or reinvent myself like literally become a different person. It's so stressful I could actually cry. I am so at a loss and so lost about where to go with my life. Please fucking help me. Of course who helps me will be me but I can dream that some magic fairy godmother will come out of the ether and fix me and make me all the things I want to be.

I've also somehow decided I'm ugly. Like seriously. I look at old pictures and I have to be ugly. I have a decent figure but I am fat and I am so uncomfortable in my body and I don't know how to tell anyone because no one sees this side of me. I am always the confident person around those I know and I'm so fucking tired. I'm tired of being strong. Tired of pretending im good and happy. I'm not depressed to be clear. I know what that feels like and I'm not showing signs of slipping but seriously wtf do I do? Even my best friend doesn't get it. I don't think anyone even knows the real me or is aware enough to know. Literally no one notices me. I'm invisible. Literally. Insignificant. People say I'm important and they love me but I'm always an after thought. People don't message me or check on me or text me or even notice. How long would it take for people to notice I wasn't sending messages and being around. Probably way longer than my ego would allow me to think.

So here I sit. Having alone time on vacation because I love my people but I feel so alone. I just want to be honest without someone judging me. I want to be open and struggle and have someone love me and hug me despite all of it. Not leave me. Love is conditional and it should be. But I want someone to know ME and decide that I'm enough. That isn't too much to ask.

[plaguethewaters]

(under cut bc long useless rant ig)

i am so tired and it makes no damn fucking sense. oh boohoo poor baby had to actually go to school and study today, what a sad little thing its suffering soso much. i am pathetic.

i feel like i am actively regressing and i fear what kind of conditions ill live in the future. if this is what hg does to me, what of university? what kf work? i have been going on purely by luck and whatever little effort i put in, which i apparently cant fucking do anymore. the luck will run out soon too im sure.

i read one (1) page today, didnt nanage anything else but to get depressed ans do fucking shit at drivers ed. I know logically this shit is all fucking useless that in ten, five shit even in like six fucking months none of this will matter anymore. every single problem i have rifht now is so goddamn inconsequential and its ruining my life. I cant even fucking. idk. ask for help for it.

"i cant do homework today bc im glued to my phone reading things that make me even sadder and make me want to study less. btw these things are sososo useless and woll literally not affect my life at all a month into the future. i know exactlt what is wrong with ne and yet i continue again and again bc im a fucked up person destined to destroy my life." like who would even listen to this. my friends have got real fucking problema and i Cannot bother them with this.

i tried reddit once bc i figured the fucking redditors could judge me all that much, that id get simpathy at least, and even the shitty people of that site told me i should grow up and get the fuck over it. Idk. Idk. sometimes i wish my luck ran out fr so someone will finally get me help but also if i fail this year i dont know what i will do.

kinda wish someone wouldve noticed earlier, that i could be on some pill or other to fix this shit of a brain. Kinda wish id been born normaler - bc im not neurodivergent but also cant fucking seem to cope with things the way everyone else is

whatever. this is teenage angst anyway, someone in the future (or like. rn idk) will look at it and laugh. as they should bc this is just a pathetic laughable pity party im throwing out here - not even for attention. km tired.

[froothjuce]

The youtube mobile channel page redesign is fundementally wrong (big suprise, i know) (longe post)

why the hell is the banner in a box. just put the last fuckin vestige of customization we have left in an even smaller box so it looks like shit. fucking of course. its called a fucking channel banner they literally had it put together so it fit to the screen and it looked fine but NOOOO everything gotta conform to their "shove everything in fucking rounded boxes" aesthetic because fuck you and common decency i guess.

so heres the previous layout, courtesy of an old screenshot i took

and, like, this layout works. the spread fits well and acts as a good divider on the header on initial appearance

frankly in general I'm just tired of people rounding edges that really shouldn't be rounded

they did it to the video player on desktop, and i dont care if all you miss is like 15 pixels, its still really dumb just in concept

they want everything to be as bland and inoffensive as possible for the fucking adwords money, and they're applying the same principle to their fucking web design. they are burning our balls off for the insurance money.

this website is the only thing making me realize i'm not taking crazy pills and that literally everything is getting worse in more ways then even most people are talking about.

and you wanna know the fucking cherry on top? of all of this? here's the previous layout before that.

(only image i could find on short notice.)

…thats right. the new layout is just a much shittier version of the older one. like, i could get behind left aligning the icon. cause thats how they do it on desktop, it makes sense, you know?

and double guess, lets go back to the original goddamn One UI layout, the initial "taking the horse of user customizability and fun out back and shooting it to death." inciting incident.

(ignore that this image is like 5 pixels)

THIS IS A BETTER LAYOUT THAN WHAT WE HAVE NOW. THE LITERAL FIRST VERSION WOULD BE BETTER THAN THE FUCKING PRODUCT OF THE SHAREHOLDER ROOM THROWING DARTS AT THEIR DICK TO DECIDE HOW TO SIZE THE ELEMENTS.

and i have no doubt in my mind that they're gonna continue to make it worse somehow. they will take every last ounce of customization we have left. because thats what they always do. trust nobody. nothing is ever safe. THIS FUCKING WEBSITE ISNT EVEN SAFE HAVE YOU SEEN THE STATE OF THINGS AROUND HERE? and before you say "oh just use fucking blungovidupload" BUDDY ALL THOSE WEBSITE ARE EITHER FILLED WITH RACISTS OR HAVE AN VIEWERBASE OF LIKE THREE PEOPLE. THERES NO FUCKING WORTHWILE PLACE TO RUN. WE ARE ALL FUCKED. especially me, who was kinda banking on being able to at least hit something on youtube, because i feel like i probably couldn't handle the world as it is without fucking breaking my entire spirit to a depressing extent due to the current state of, like, everything.

its weird to end this incoherent rant on a bleak note, but its true. nothing we do matters in this context. because they hit it big, and they don't care about us. honestly, people say kill them with kindness? i dont get it. we've tried compassion, it doesn't work. i am beyond the need for compassion. i run on spite, anger, and shitposting. at all times.

god gives her shittiest website designs to her most mentally unwell internet history gals