#fs in the chat

[kintsugikalliope]

someone get this woman away from it all, heaven knows she needs a vacation

character description i wrote for Elsa below the cut since she doesn't have her own:

"With hooded river eyes that hold the weight of a bygone war, Elsa is the resident doctor for any gangsters, bootleggers, and rumrunners passing through. She runs a liquor trafficking operation with her brother and husband in Defiance, Missouri, providing her medical expertise and no-nonsense demeanor to the trio. Elsa was a former nurse in the Great War where she would wed the gregarious Bobby Bastion. Opposites attract, this is true, but she would later on build a perhaps deeper bond with Viktor Vasko while he stayed in Defiance, as the two found silent solace in the other for their shared, lingering trauma of the war, in contrast to her husband's cheery nature despite being a veteran himself.

When Elsa is not sewing up brains back in heads or poking needles in scaredy cats, the world-weary woman probably likes to garden, tolerate her husband's yapping, and suffer no fools."

[goldenpinof]

AmazingPhil in his hater era

[datrb]

"Blue! Answer me! BLUE!"

Okay but the way Blue was thrown against that truck must've HURT.

[gotham-response]

[melisssg99]

My sourdough starter died

I've neglected my baby 😭

🥀RIP little Sourdough Starter

F's in the chat pls

[vampire-superstar]

Full Age HC time (Human Years) (As of the og game)

Lucifer is definitely close to his mid fifties. I'd safely say he's 53 and I promise you'll see why in just a moment. Also old man Luci supremacy. He has grey hair and his bones snap crackle and pop.

While you may think I'm going to say Mammon is like 40, you're wrong. Mammon is the key defining factor in their ages. Lucifer and Mammon show a significant maturity gap and a bond not from two individuals close in age but close experience wise leading me to believe Lucifer played a part in raising his younger brother while he himself was still young. Mam is around 35

Adding on, Levi and Mam have similar maturity level, meaning they were likely both raised by Luci. Also I'm pretty sure it's canon that Luci got him into anime. He's 34

Asmo once more shows a gap in maturity though not as large as Mam and Luci. Likely he was cared for by Levi and Mam when Luci was busy, explaining their "Ew, love you though" relationship. He's like 27 at the least

The twins are pretty easy honestly. Definitely 25. No explanation needed. They act like babies in one way or another

Tan is hardest to pin because based on what you believe, he was born during or after the Celestial War. Personally though, he was born after in the grief and wrath of loss. In addition my clues for this placing include the fact that the twins were old enough to not only know Lilith but understand the gravity of her death. That the youngest they were like 6. Therefore I'm pinning Tan tan at around barely 20. It kinda fits the way he acts in game too

In conclusion, Satan is a fortnite kid.

Some of the ages are a little wonky but they're wonky and in my heart being so honest, Satan and Luke are close in age. He's like 9 personally but I wanted to be nice to all the Satan Simps

[unseenbox]

Bye Matt taven

[toffoliravioli]

fitz has been charged with first degree murder of tumblr user toffoliravioli

[breedabletrait]

Manifesting he's this baby's dad 😩🙏 !!!

[blvckentropy]

the biggest tease of the century!

[tonydaddingham]

uh oh

[america-oreosandkitkats]

tummy hurts and im being so brave about it 😞

[fooltofancy]

WAIT WILRED

[tehloserprince]

POV: you are arachnophobic and your darling pookie bff @dcderringer has sent you a box of Xmas presents.

Joke's on her, he's gonna hang out with my Tree Possum now.

[projectbluearcadia]

So... Dinner Is Still On, Right?

It’s just endless darkness no matter how far I run. I hate this room. Curse you a thousand times Barachiel. Solomon. Was it even Solomon if it was all a dream? Did I even meet Lucifer at all, or was that part of a dream too? Is this room a dream within a dream? I want to see Lucifer. I want to see Diavolo. I want to see Simeon. Mammon. Levi. Satan. Asmo. Beel. Even Belphie. But it was a dream? 

Lucifer: Annelie! Where are you going?!

Just now... was that? Did I hear... my name? 

Lucifer: Don’t go down there, you idiot!

Down...? 

Lucifer: ANNELIE!!

 ...!

Annelie’s feet lose purchase on the ground, and her body falls through the empty space leading down into the demon lord’s labyrinth. Lucifer dives down to catch her, and he manages to grab her before she hits the ground.

Lucifer: Dammit... Do you know how many times I thought my heart would stop because of you?

Blue. It’s not black. It’s blue. Lucifer. 

Annelie clutches tightly onto Lucifer’s jacket, and a black mist falls from her mouth. 

Annelie: Lucifer... 

Annelie buries her head into his chest. 

Lucifer: ...it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re in my arms, where you should be.

Annelie: I thought... I thought I was in that place again. 

She curls her fists tighter. 

I can’t even control my own mind. 

Lucifer: ...I know. You’re not.

Annelie: What am I supposed to do if that happens again? What if this isn’t real?

Lucifer: It won’t. 

Annelie: How can you promise me that? 

Lucifer: Because. 

Barbatos: I see you’ve found the lady errant.

Diavolo: Thank goodness... 

Barbatos: Would the both of you be interested in the Empyrean tea I received from Simeon? 

Lucifer: Yes. Make it strong. 

Lucifer sits up with Annelie, and she flinches to see that one of his wings is broken and bloody. 

For me.  

Barbatos: Of course. 

Annelie: Do you have a medicine kit too?

Barbatos: I can prepare the proper supplies to tend to your injuries, yes. 

Annelie: Thank you. 

Lucifer: I hope you don’t think I need tending to. 

Annelie: Are you stupid?

Lucifer: I should be asking you that. 

Annelie: Lucifer—

He jerks her bloody arm up to her eye level, and she flinches at the sight. Her wrist is badly damaged, and there are deep scratches along most of her forearm.  

Annelie: ...you still need more help than me. 

Lucifer: Did you miss the fact that your ankle is broken? 

Annelie: Actually... yeah. When did that happen? 

Lucifer: Honestly...

Annelie: ...

Lucifer: Does it hurt since I made you aware of it?

Annelie: ...

Lucifer: If you think keeping your mouth shut is going to fool me, you’re sorely mistaken. Come here; let’s go somewhere lighter and warmer. 

Lucifer picks up Annelie, though Diavolo drops down into the labyrinth and picks up both of them. 

Lucifer: Diavolo?!

Diavolo: I know you want to protect Anne, but you’re both going to hurt yourselves like that. If you really have to move, I’ll do the carrying. 

Lucifer: I don’t need to be carried for this! Put me down right now!

Annelie prods his broken wing, and he lets out a sharp hiss. 

Annelie: You were saying? 

Lucifer: I can walk dammit!

Annelie: Let your boyfriend take care of youuuu!!

Annelie yelps as Diavolo jumps back to the top of the precipice, letting out a soft, satisfied hum as he lands before he starts walking, still carrying both Lucifer and Annelie. 

Diavolo: Just think of it like a taxi ride. 

Lucifer shoots Diavolo a glare. 

Diavolo: Lucifer, I am genuinely sorry that I was so careless with something precious to you, but I still haven’t forgiven you for lying yet either. 

Annelie: He only lied to you because you’re the type of person that acts first and asks questions later. 

Lucifer: Annelie!

Annelie: Lecture me later. Can you blame him for trying to find a solution that would save his brother? 

Diavolo: Of course not. But the fact remains that he essentially committed treason. 

Annelie: And what are you planning on doing about that?

Diavolo: Maybe I’ll burn his collection of cursed records. 

Annelie: For some reason I was expecting you to say “flay him alive.”

Lucifer: ... 

Diavolo: Anne, you really are a strange person. 

Diavolo sets down the pair of them down onto a set of chairs in a quiet, brightly lit room. Barbatos pours two steaming cups of tea, even as he unpacks a roll of medical supplies, a slightly alarming glint in his eye. He smiles at the three. 

Barbatos: Hm. Now... who would like to explain to me why the patients were moved while I figure out who needs the most urgent first aid?

Annelie, Diavolo and Lucifer collectively swallow. 

Diavolo: ...I thought they’d hurt themselves more if I didn’t intervene. 

Lucifer: I couldn’t have Annelie stay somewhere dark and uncomfortable. Also, she needs more attention than me.

Annelie: Oi.

Barbatos sighs. 

Barbatos: And you even tracked her volatile blood through the halls... 

If I was wandering with this bloody arm, wasn't I already tracking it...?

Lucifer: ...

Barbatos: Do you three have any idea how hard it is to clean succubus blood out of a carpet? 

Annelie leans towards Diavolo while Barbatos rants. 

Annelie: I think Barb is mad. 

Barbatos: The stains are fine; I can mix a cleaner specifically to deal with bloodstains, but the magic? It’s like dealing with poison mushroom spores. There’s nothing quite like finding out I missed a spot by suddenly discovering that all of our guests are painfully aroused. 

Diavolo: I think he’s mad too. 

Lucifer: ...agreed.

[hushimstressed]

Can’t wait to travel for 16 hours today! 😁😁