#from time to time im compelled to post this in some form and my most trusted mutuals always leave a couple of likes

[agroupofcrows]

it’s two am but ​do you guys remember the big reveal scene where gintoki is like. ‘are you my dad’s evil twin? actually it doesn’t matter if you are, i can kill you just like i killed real dad.’ and then a flying ship, because obviously there are flying ships in this story, a flying ship crashes to the ground right on top of uturo. and after pausing for effect, utsuro dramatically tears the shipwreck off of himself, not unlike that “grandma it’s me!” meme guy revealing his anastasia drag, except utsuro is naked and unharmed under the shipwreck and voiced by yamadera koichi and he aims a withering look at gintoki (entirely unnecessarily, as gintoki is temporarily blinded by adrenaline) aims a withering look at gintoki that is meant to convey ‘i’m not your evil dad, i’m corpse georg. your real dad was also corpse georg. you are corpse georg. and guess what? this entire planet is corpse georg.’

[akunya]

eiiiiii the idea of getting private meeting with camboy vox HELLO. you make me suffer for good stuffs every single day 😭💦 can you spoil me a little bittttt. - 🐱

“private session.”

pairings: camboy!vox akuma x male!reader

summary: congrats, lucky winner! because of your generous donations, vox reached out wanting to thank you in person. things, however, take a turn.

tw: DRUGGING, yandere, manipulation, voice fetish. camshows, drinking, implied noncon. age gap, etc.

notes: last fic of 2022! im posting this mere minutes from midnight, so please pardon any mistakes. ill go back and edit this a bit later.

and yes, i can write a part 2 if you truly wish. sorry for cucking you guys, again..

happy new year everyone, thank you for such an amazing 2022. i hope to write much more in the future!

“im at the right place, aren’t i..?” you mumbled to yourself, frigid, clammy hands swiping your phone to make sure the location was right. the restaurant looked a bit trendy and sophisticated, somewhere you wouldn't dare step inside on your own. you and vox both agreed on a restaurant to meet at around eight o'clock. to be truly honest with yourself, you never thought you’d have the guts to do something like this — but when vox, the streamer who you’ve been watching for months daily and donating to everyday reached out to you personally, how could you say no?

nonetheless, sitting across from him at the table really made you wish you had refused.

for one, he was much too ethereal to be in your lowly presence. the camera didn’t do him justice at all — his pale skin was a nice contrast to his black hair, adorned by his signature red highlights. he even wore the red eye makeup that you loved to look at, except now, you could see his mouth and bottom half of his face, uncovered by the black mask he would usually wear. his lips looked so soft, and when his tongue darted out to lick them you were nearly going to faint. we’re those.. fangs? his canines were sharp, and you felt like a pervert for staring so intensely.

you quickly paid your respects to the other fans who would never know that vox, a niche but popular adult streamer, was a truly beautiful man in person.

you didn't even notice how silent it had gotten between the two of you. “no need to be so quiet. i don’t bite, i promise.” vox’s sweet voice snapped you out of your thoughts, apologizing profusely for zoning out so much. “you’re right! im sorry, ive just never done anything like this before..” you chuckled awkwardly, shifting in your chair while vox just smiled. he found your skittishness adorable. you reminded him of a scared little bunny — and he was the big bad wolf, ready to eat you up whole.

"what a shame. and here i was thinking you do this quite often, with how you accepted my request and all." the demon smirked at how your face flushed, becoming a stuttering mess. you should've expected it, but he was just as snarky in person as he was on his live shows. as your little meeting continued, vox realized he enjoyed your presence much more than he thought. the night was filled with friendly but interesting conversation, and for once, the demon didn’t feel forced to keep speaking.

at first, he debated on meeting with you in person. what if the person who donated nearly thousands to him each month turned out to be not as pleasant as he hoped? while the demon wouldn't be surprised, he would be a tad disappointed with all of the free shoutouts he's given to you. still, with you being his top donator for a while now, he felt compelled to show some form of graciousness. a little present, just in time for the holidays.

vox enjoyed streaming more than he thought he would. even though he could use his voice and other demonic powers for much grander, sinister things - for some reason, using them to tease and drain the wallets of his viewers was surprisingly just as satisfying. doing this, he never had to worry about getting a silly job like most humans did, letting the demon truly relax when he wasnt tampering with cameras and himself.

but, you, however - vox liked how shy and nervous you were. it awakened a sick monster inside of him, that wanted to see you cry and beg for mercy at his fingertips. he thought his days of toying with mortals was over, but unfortunately (or fortunately?) for you, you seemed to rekindle that fire in his heart. if he didn't know any better, he would've never expected you to be someone that watches adult streams online, let alone spend money on them.

taking advantage of how anxious you were, vox continued to ask questions about yourself, forcing you to blurt out answers in hopes of not screwing up. "so, what do you like about my streams, y/n?" the male swiveled the wine in his glass nonchalantly, golden eyes looking into yours, awaiting an answer. you gulped, shakily drinking yours as well.

"um, well, you're the first streamer i've ever really watched for.. that sort of stuff. i initially liked how your voice sounded, and wanted to hear more, but i ended up staying for your little stories and when you'd talk about yourself. you just seemed really nice." it was a bit embarrassing when you had said it aloud, but it was the truth. you enjoyed the moments where the demon would just ramble the most. of course, given the content of his streams, most of the things he'd speak about were so dirty it made your ears feel hot - however, there were moments where he'd just talk about his day, and you seemed to enjoy those the most.

it was vox's turn to blush, his grip tightening on the wine glass ever so slightly. how could a mere mortal make him feel so... flustered? hes had his fair share of affairs over many decades, however, never has he felt so vulnerable. the demon was expecting you to talk about his cock or something, but of course your innocent little head wouldnt do that. you should be thankful vox isn't a cannibalistic demon, or he seriously would've eaten your heart out by now.

therefore, the man didnt feel any remorse when you went to the bathroom and he slipped a drug into your drink while you were away.

it wasnt his fault - how was he supposed to let you go after today? someone as sinless and pure as yourself needed to be his. vox wouldnt be content with letting you go back to being another viewer behind the screen, not after your little meeting. the demon knew truly that you probably wouldn't refuse going home with him, but that also didnt guarantee you'd accept his offer. he considered the drug just a bit of a push in the right direction, if you will.

"sorry for taking so long. there was a line outside, so.." your voice trailed off, going back to your seat as the older man simply chuckled. why did you feel the need to explain yourself? it didn't matter how long you took, even if you tried to run now, vox would surely find you. pouring some more wine for himself, he filled his glass a bit more to match yours. you tried to tell him you weren't too keen or interested in alcohol at the beginning of your little date, but the demon wouldn't take no for an answer. "y/n, lets have a toast, shall we?" his held up his glass expectantly towards you, waiting for you to clink the rim with your own.

you hesitated for a moment. the smell of wine never enticed you, but seeing vox wait earnestly made your heart flutter. one glass shouldn't hurt, right?

you simply nodded, the familiar clank of glass against glass being shared between you two before drinking. you drank a majority of the wine, only leaving a small amount left. "good boy. its good, isnt it?" you nearly sputtered the drink back up from the praise, nodding again and drinking the rest in one gulp. it was much different hearing his words of affirmation in person. it felt addicting, unreal.

"thats it. a toast for the new year, my boy. im excited for the memories we shall make together. aren't you?" oh, did vox mean his streams? of course you looked forward to those, how could you not! he was the highlight of your day, making you smile and laugh. "mhm! im excited. im looking forward to your streams, vox." the demon felt a shiver roll down his spine, suppressing a groan. he could get used to you saying his name. he wanted to hear you say it in other ways, too.

"i hope we can get more.. personal, as well, y/n. it was truly delightful being here with you." the man had such a way with words, making you swoon. was he this nice with everyone? no wonder he had so many followers! while you didnt know the true extent to what he had implied, you agreed, telling him that you were happy you came out today.

of course you were. you were his little rabbit, frail and gullible, unknowing of the big bad wolf sitting across from your very table. he truly wondered just how oblivious you could be, but much to his delight, he'd find out soon enough. your eyes started to feel heavy, zoning out while he talked about random things to keep you occupied.

"goodness, y/n, are you alright? you look a bit pale. here, let me take you back to my place. i don't live far at all." his voice was sickeningly sweet, how could you deny his offer? you nodded drowsily, letting the man hold you to steady your balance.

the cold air of the outdoors didnt phase you, and neither did it bother vox. peering at your sleeping face, he smiled, leaning in to kiss the top of your forehead.

"happy new years, y/n. lets have fun together." vox whispered in your ear, turning the corner towards his apartment.

[slavhew]

murdoc for character opinions

god. murdoc. im admittedly not deep in enough to hard assess my opinions from 2018 vs now, but let's give a quick run through.

i love murdoc. but he's also hard to talk about. so i think its best to jump forward to what i find most compelling about him: it's someone's capacity to grow and change even relatively late in life.

He has a start in life that, speeding over all of THAT, leaves him a very vapid, self centered and cruel person by the time the band becomes a thing. Bit by bit, tooth by pulled tooth, he learns to see things differently.

And this is where that "canon isn't real if i dont look at it"- the continued existence of gorillaz's storyline depends on there being an antagonist, and that is historically Murdoc's role. So a lot of that development will get retconned, glossed over, etc. I don't really blame JH for that anymore, that's just how these things often go with properties that have this kind of extended shelf life.

Murdoc is a person that distills all his hurt into anger, excuses his loneliness as being "by choice" and buries trauma under ego, posturing and hypersexual behavior. But as it is when you form bonds with people, tentative as they might be, they change you. Phase 3 is the climax of this, and phase 6 was both the """final""" relapse of his bad tendencies (post TNN cough) and the end of his arc with The Lost Chord.

THAT ALL BEING SAID, he's silly to me. I count all the material of him being Oddly Polite or giggly as canon whether it's Phil Cornwell breaking character or not.

Murdoc has two faces: one for the paps, and another for the fans. One crude and attention seeking, and a softer more relaxed one for when he ACTUALLY gets to discuss his interests and the music he makes. He plays the media like a fiddle, since having eyes on him is an old skill he's long since mastered.

My possible divergences from fanon at large? I haven't been in touch lately, but I remember some interpretations being popular that I disagree with, so I'll just state my takes:

He's not iredeemable or stupid or remorseless, he grows to care about his bandmates very early on but is VERY slow on the uptake of identifying that affection, and he's much smarter than he lets on. Also no beef to people who ship 2doc but man it is just not my cup of tea. They're coworkers slash fffrriiienndsss?? who needle each other constantly.

AS FOR HEADCANONS: very simple.

A lot of his stunts in the public eye are coordinated- when he said he refuses to get on the stage on other people's terms, this includes the paps. If he's going to be hated, he might as well do that with intention and style

That being said, it's also a self-made excuse to be a debaucherous asshole as well as how he justifies the overindulgence to himself.

Selling his soul had progressive effects on his appearance

green skin, pointy ears, pointier teeth. he used to wear a red contact. he doesn't have to anymore!

the red eyes would be bilateral but in phase 5 the eye injury resulted in anisocoria- bowie-esque. He isn't sure if this is another manifestation of his deal for musical success, or karma.

because of his reduced vision and MULTIPLE stints in prison he is jumpier than ever

he has an unibrow! the fringe hides it because it grows back too fast, and murdoc is vain.

he used to have a fuller face, but as of phase 2 the stardom (drugs, poor self-care) started affecting his appearance. Phase 3 was even more brutal in terms of this. by the time phase 4 rolled around and he got clean, the buccal fat was gone for good, courtesy of plain aging!

short, skinny and not in the healthy way. again, phase 1-2 sees him develop a beer gut under xylophone ribs, phase 3 he's at his worst health-wise. Phase 4 and 6 see him put some real padding on, finally. (5 is a step back due to incarceration)

phase 5 issss fiiiineee... but i prefer respect-false-iconz (aka ezracaution)'s canon divergent exploration of it, The Code

lastly: projection? brother that's the bisexuality, shortness, edginess for show and anger issues. that's just text.

[enduringmoth]

thoughts on marvin's abuse, care's existence and paul's transness

taking a break from my usual bg3 posting to talk a little bit about my newer hyperfixation through the lens of queer allegory

necessary author's note: i am an afab transmasculine nonbinary person. obviously, while i do believe my transness does lend my opinion authenticity, at the same time, being trans myself does not mean i can't be transphobic -- so if any of the contents of this post set off alarm bells, please tell me.

trigger & content warnings: child abuse, kidnapping, torture, general petscop badness. obvious spoilers for petscop in its entirety, as well as references to the recent youtube deepdive by nexpo.

TL;DR -- perpetuating the idea that someone can force someone else to be a different gender than they are is harmful to trans people. however, all things involve considerable nuance. to pretend that marvin's actions could not have influenced paul's sense of self in the slightest discredits paul's lived experiences, and i believe a more trauma-informed dialogue about paul could be worth exploring as a community.

my preferred theory explaining petscop is that marvin tried to make care more like lina through abuse and "failed". after this, care would eventually end up in lina's home, and transition to paul.

(simply to make all of this less confusing, i'm going to call paul pretransition "care", though i will avoid pronouns. this is not me trying to invalidate paul, it's just so i don't have to keep saying "paul before he transitioned" or similar phrases.)

it is not a result of marvin's "failure" that care transitioned to paul. but i do believe there is a link between paul's perceptions of self and the trauma he endured pretransition -- and discussing these things gives us a deeper understanding of paul and his history.

obviously there is no "canon" answer to petscop. but im seeing this theory discussed a lot within the tags, and i personally agree with it -- i just feel some of those who are saying we cannot consider marvin's actions are not necessarily accurate, either.

what i am positing is that while marvin certainly did not make paul trans and i would never claim that he did, we understand that marvin's abuse of care -- his cruelty towards care, his warping of care's perception of appearance and self-worth -- is certainly a factor in how paul must see himself.

marvin's treatment of care was poor enough that paul struggles to recall that time of his life. he thinks they are different people -- and in a way, they certainly are (and i've seen DID theories for them which i also enjoy because of this) -- and has clearly repressed what it meant to be marvin's child.

marvin locked care in a basement for six months. that is no small amount of time, and it likely had no small amount of affect on paul. we can assume based on the implications of some school scenes that marvin was trying to convince care to be more like lina during this time. care escaped, and returned home -- though eventually, we know from belle's dialogue that paul would find his way to lina.

"do you remember the day you were born?"

paul's "birth" occurred after marvin's abuse, and though it was not a result of it, there is something almost poetic about following the thread of paul's life from care to his authentic self that plays as a foil to the heinous rebirthing practiced by marvin and rainer.

contrasted with what happened to belle (and seemingly others), paul chose (a form of) rebirth -- transition. marvin tried to make lina be reborn through care. instead, care resisted -- and he would eventually become paul, and that strikes me as so narratively compelling. it's not to spite marvin and please don't think i'm saying that, as care was naturally always paul -- it is simply self-discovery at its most raw and beautiful, and i love it.

the above is why i love petscop as a queer allegory. taking ownership of one's future and selfhood, even when others are trying to tell you who to be.

and that's why i think saying marvin made his afab child transition in rejection of martin's quest for lina -- or that marvin tried to make his amab child transition to care/lina, as nexpo posited -- is so wrong, and harmful.

yet, paul's trauma is real. it happened. and it's a part of him that should be able to be discussed for what it is.

as someone with extensive trauma history, i can tell you that my gender expression and personal identity are in some way connected to pieces of trauma, because those pieces are part of me. i am not trans because of my trauma, but my gender and my trauma are parts of me at the same time -- i am not each of my pieces, but a sum of my whole.

the point i'm trying to make here is that while i think nexpo genuinely missed the mark here with this whole "care never existed, marvin tried to make paul a girl" thing, i do think there needs to be room for a trauma-informed discussion around paul.

i hope that all made sense. if any of this is harmful/transphobic, please let me know. i genuinely love this game and i think it's so fascinating to discuss. /gen

[alatismeni-theitsa]

I've got a strange question about Zeus' affairs... Do Ancient authors elaborate on these supernatural seduction stories or do they just day "Zeus seduced her taking the form of X"...

Like, do they tell us if, after catching the girl's attention Zeus goes back to a more human form, or does the "deed" take place while Zeus has an animal form (that would be more weird)?

I don't want to seem offensive / graphic, I'm just curious about how Ancient writers and storytellers tell this stories, a story can be very different depending on how you tell it and I suppose "a beautiful swan caught my eye, then turned in this handsome divine man and I wanted to bed him" is a much more compelling version of events than "a strange swan flew where I was sitting and assaulted me, that's why im pregnant".

I love your posts on Greek Myths, especially the oned related to Perseas and Medusa. XOXO

Hello! Thank you for the good words! I like those posts as well xD

Well, Greek myths were not meant to be taken that literally, or given so much thought. The deed takes place when Zeus is back in a more human form, usually, except in the case of Leda where he was in a swan form, and she birthed eggs that hatched.

But even in Leda's case, it's implied that there was some type of.... affection on her part?? Which is definitely weird because when you like a swan the next logical step is not "I want to bed it". But from what I read the coupling was more... divine in nature and beyond human logic. Like, Leda didn't bed an actual swan and she knew that it wasn't a swan. I'm just trying to explain it. I definitely don't mean that humans and swans should do anything else than look at each other in the park 😅😂😅😂😅😂

Usually, when the deity has an animal form, the children also have animal forms. (Poseidon raping Demeter as a stallion comes to mind)

Again, we are not meant to seek the logistics of these couplings. They were more like explanations than stories, and one needed the context of the time to fill in the blanks. So the story goes "Zeus wanted this woman, he seduced her in the form of X and from their coupling, she gave birth to our Hero and King. The End." It's often that simple, and the focus point is the result, aka how the hero/god/king/deity/genealogical line came to exist. The other details are unnecessary.

Sometimes we might get an extra story about how the hero/deity etc had to defend their mother from Hera or someone else's wrath which is only a means to another explanation of why a mountain/river/sea/animal exists. Again, the focus is on the result.

Which makes sense if you think more of it like this:

Imagine if, in the tale of Snowhite, we started asking "Is there an economy of magic mirrors? Is there a theme of exploited labor when it comes to The Mirror? Does the court system work in favour of the mother or father? And can we assume there is welfare for Little people in the Snowhite universe?" These are... possibly related questions to the story, but the story chooses not to explore them, and - let's be honest - we don't ask ourselves about those. Because they are so beyond the point.

Finally, the stories weren't probably created by one random guy who wanted to entertain the kids around the fire. The stories were most likely the result of divination or oracles and visions since they were about the gods. That's why they don't have all the characteristics of a traditional tale that is meant to entertain.

The first paragraphs from this post will answer your question additionally, I think!

[archivist-the-knight]

[id: a ship chart made by Stervil on tumblr, detailing ships between the minecraft story mode cast. In the corner is directions to what the colored lines used in the chart mean: Red for OTP, Pink for Love, Green for Like, Yellow for Okay, Blue for dislike, Darker blue for IDK, and grey for Hate. The chart is mostly unfilled by lines, instead being filled by text giving opinions on certain ships. The text all reads as follows: Jesstra, Marked as red: IF i have jesstra marked as an OTP on here i think you already know how i feel about it. no jesstra fans are normal about those two. Lukas x Axel, marked as pink: i have so much to say about lukas x axel and how they'd interact but i also don't know how to start talking about them. Lukas x Aiden, marked as "I don't know": i feel like lukas x aiden only makes sense if they're exes but outside of that nuh uh Soren x Ivor, marked as yellow: i think it's ok but again i only imagine them as exes and i dont think they'd get back together. Hadrian x Mevia marked as yellow: i'm overall neutral on these two but i couldn't stop calling them "toxic straight people" when playing their episode for the first time. you can HEAR the "ball and chain" and "wine mom" jokes. Radar X PAMA, marked as yellow: i honestly see them as moreso being friends but shoutout to the person who ships these two/pos Jack x Nurm, marked as pink: they're like canonically married to me. if i dont ship them, it feels like im helping them sign their divorce papers. All of the admins x each other, marked as grey: i don't like any of them together because i feel like they genuinely make more sense as just friends. i can't see them as anything more because it'd feel ooc The only ships with no text but still have colored markings are Axel x Olivia, which is "I don't know", Harper x Ivor, which is pink, and Cassie x Nell, which is green. end id]

wanted to do a ship chart, but in a slight unorthodox fashion by giving my opinions on the chart. i feel like it'd be a little bland otherwise 😭i don't have a lot of ships in minecraft story mode but i do find some stuff people do with the characters really fun.

edit: forgot to link the original post with the blank versions of the meme. so sorgee

some other notes:

fred and binta is another ship i don't like. only because i view that it'd be more compelling if binta was fred's daughter, who despite her complicated relationship with her father, is trying to preserve the memory of him.

i don't ship jesse x lukas, i moreso view lukas as someone who loves his friends a whole lot and does anything he can to protect all of them. but i love jesskas fanart its really cute :-]

i don't really ship any of the order, but i feel soren and gabriel having an odd situationship would be fun.

i don't like r0messe for a similar reason as the admins; i think they'd make more sense as friends. no hate to anyone who likes them im just a friendship enjoyer

i think ellegaurde and xara are pretty cute together i just forgot to add that...

i see jesse as nonbinary or just generally not cis in both clip and suspender form. the reason petra x clip jesse is marked as OTP and petra x suspender jesse is marked as pink... its primarly because i prefer yellow clip jesse's actor in most jesstra scenes. but either way petra is GAAAYY

axel and olivia i CANNOT envision in a romantic relationship those are BESTIES. those are PALS those are BUDDIES those are AMIGOS. don't take this away from them.

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi! Voices & Gemstones here, I saw your reboot of my post about the phrase the future is plural and I wanted to ask something. I would send my ask off anon but it's my main blog and I'm a little ehhh about using it lol but I come in good faith

Im a trauma based system, trying to navigate syscourse and I agree the human brain can split with no trauma, I just... Struggle with the idea someone could purposely give themselves alters in the same way we've known systems to function.

Do self created systems have amnesia & memory issues too? What about issues with control of the body & fights for front? Foreign thoughts and emotions? If it's a self created system why would you create these problems? It doesn't seem possible or reasonable to us, but we can't not ask.

If life stress is what compelled someone to start a self made system then... Doesn't that count as some form of traumagenic?

And like we said way forever ago on our blog, we don't care what source you claim as long as it helps your function in life, we just

We want to understand different sources of plurality better, and you seem very passionate about education, so we wanted to ask. Thank you for your time

- Gemstone System

Thanks for the questions! 😁

Do self created systems have amnesia & memory issues too?

Nope! I mean, not generally! There's like, one guide that purports to be able to induce amnesia between headmates, but the process requires months of mental conditioning and I don't know of anyone who has actually gone through it.

I have noticed we have sort of speed bumps when trying to access someone else's memories, and our own memories often pop up in our head more easily than memories from other headmates do. But I wouldn't call that amnesia.

What about issues with control of the body & fights for front?

Sometimes.

It depends on the system though, and it's not something that I feel happens too often.

For us... by the time I was created, my host was already a mature adult. (I think with a lot of systems who are plural in childhood, the lack of maturity probably contributes to internal conflict and sets up adversarial relationships.) If I wanted to front, we could talk things out. Most of the time, he'd let me if I asked, but If he didn't want me fronting right then, we could work out a compromise so I could front later instead. It doesn't always work out perfectly. But 99% of the time, negotiation works.

Things were a bit harder in the very beginning, but we got better with thime.

Foreign thoughts and emotions?

Like, passive influence where we feel the emotions of other headmates? Yeah, we get that.

If it's a self created system why would you create these problems?

Most tulpas are created for companionship, with loneliness being a major reason cited in studies of tulpamancers.

Something that's important to understand about tulpamancers is that most don't make tulpas for the switching part. I think originally, in the very very early days long before I got here, the tulpamancy community didn't even know switching was possible, and it was something they discovered later.

How a lot of tulpas start out is purely in the inner world or imposed externally. And learning to switch often takes effort and practice. Maybe that's another reason you won't see many fights over front in the tulpa community, because switching is often an act of love, where the host is willing to dedicate their time to it just to allow their tulpas to be happy and interact with the world. It's not generally something that we'd be fighting over.

If life stress is what compelled someone to start a self made system then... Doesn't that count as some form of traumagenic?

I don't think so. At least not in the same way.

The typical traumagenic systems is a system who experiences trauma as a child. They separate this trauma and their brain tries to distance them from it. As they undergo repeated trauma, they have to return to that traumatized state and the dissociation becomes ingrained into them as a trauma response, often resulting in the presence of triggered switching once the traumatized state develops into its own entity that holds those trauma memories. At the same time, in avoiding trauma, they distance themselves from the traumatized part, creating these memory barriers.

While one could argue that loneliness is traumatic and therefore headmates created due to loneliness are traumagenic, the tulpa isn't holding traumatic memories of loneliness. They're just created to provide companionship.

Hope that helped clarify things a bit!

Have a nice day! 😁

[happypot0001]

Just find it

…Where?

!!!!!!PROBABLY WILL DELETE LATER!!!!!!

Guys I’m such a cry baby istg HAHAAA….anyways…..👋

Uhhh I made this post because I was feeling a bit upset today..obviously 😭😭 ig I’m feeling a bit better but I hope there are people that can relate to this too!! Can I just say first though that I had to STRUGGLE to make that stupid gif HAHHH! I’m now going to try to go into depth of each of the important parts of the gif 👍

Feet - I seem to kick everyone around me down. I’m pained that people suffer regarding my sake. Be it for me or because of me. Be it physically or mentally. I can’t help but hurt people who are close to me. I’ll end up with no one because everyone has been harmed by my presence. I only see the backs of the people who have turned away from me, unwilling to speak to me as I’ve already disappointed them far enough.

Hands - I seem to have no talent. I’ve used these hands to draw. To play. To write. To learn. But it has never been enough. It seems like it never will be. No matter what I’m always one step behind. I can only try to work harder, but all my efforts only seem like they’ll eventually end in vain. When is it good enough? It never is…as that’s what I’ve learned. Am I on the right path? No one can tell me. These hands have done me good, but in the end is it of any use? To play. To draw. To waste time. What’s the point if I’m not good at it.

Heart - I seem to succumb to my failure with ease. Help me find it. Is it my heart? Is this why I feel that I’m being tortured inside? Is that why I feel my heart wants to leap out of my chest? Is it my weakness. Is it my lack of willpower. This sick feeling in my stomach, it’s because I’m weak? It’s because I cry too often? It’s because I take their words to heart? It’s because I know they’re probably right. Everything is connected to the heart. That’s why I feel this way. I need to find it. Maybe that’s the answer: I’m weak. There’s no problem. No. No one did anything. I’m just weak.

Mouth - I seem to speak only for me to displease others. I’m boisterous. I’m loud. I’m too much. It’s all too much. Don’t talk to me. I’ll spill. I’ll speak. I’ll practically yell. Listen to me. Or don’t. You’ll go deaf by the time I’ve finally shut my mouth. So I won’t. I won’t speak. Zip. Nothing. Nothing out of me. But. Right. It’s seems they’ve all left. Once an enthusiastic fool, after a ghost to not be seen. To be the loud me or hide it. It seems there’s no choice for me. How do you find that balance. Tell me your secret. But I can’t ask you. I have a terrible ego I have to protect. Why do so many people like you? I’ll never know.

Head - I seem to never have the time to think. The biggest. The one that matters. The one I know will only lead to a path of misfortune and disappointment. Still. It matters. I can’t help it most times. Am I smart? I’ve been told numerous different claims. I can only divide them into two sections. Smart. Stupid. I’ve been called stupid……why? Why. I DONT WANT THAT. IM NOT STUPID RIGHT? Then why can’t I think. Why can’t I learn like I’ve seen others learn. I’m not smart. I’m not creative. There’s no form of intelligence I can seem to fit myself into. I can ace every other test with a 100 in math….but the time I fail…I feel like my life has shattered. I’ve seen myself do it…so how could I mess up. But I do. I’m grateful. I’m grateful I can do something. But what if it wasn’t enough. Some call me smart. But I can only see someone dumb. Past mistakes have affected me in today’s time. Because. I was dumb. I was really dumb. I made mistakes and I was so dumb. I was so so dumb. It still affects me. I was so dumb. I can’t believe I did that. And because of it. I have to suffer. I was so dumb. I was so absolutely dumb. I shouldn’t have messed up in the past. I wish I hadn’t been dumb. Everyone else around me seems so smart. All of these artists. Unique characters. Compelling stories. Amazing people. I’m not like that. I’m not creative. I don’t have a complex enough brain to form new ideas on my own. I always need help. I always need support. I’m dependent. I can’t stand on my own. I need help. Help in every way possible. But I can only fail on my own. And I’m sorry if you’ve had to carry by burden. I’m dumb.

Hahaaaa….I’m sorry I wrote all of this. This was kind of a downer…huh? 😭😭 Heh. I’m sorry if you’ve read it all. It’s not great. And it’s not entertaining. It’s sad. It’s a disappointment of a post. I can’t make it any more appealing. 😆 Because that’s who I am. I’m a simple minded person who overthinks for the wrong reasons. I’m scared of change. Oh my god���I’m so scared of change. But I don’t want everything to be the same. The idea of something being permanent…it…it’s scary. What if I want to change it later? What if it wasn’t worth it in the end. That thought is terrifying. And…I think that’s why I feel I like my hearts about to burst. I’m scared. I’m scared? I don’t know….but…I’m sorry. I’m sorry to anyone who can’t find their pain. I hope this helps you relate to something. And I hope you can find whats hurting you. But don’t worry, you don’t have to find it right now! If you do find it, I hope it helps in the long run. I wish that you do well in your future. ❤️ 😆😆

Lots of love to anyone who may be reading!💕💕

[randomwriteronline]

hey would you like some bionicle aus haha get in

A) g3 concept

this motherfucker. is a Big One. MANY thoughts on it, still trying to iron out some of it. heavily based on g1 but with g2 elements that are nice/interesting to me specifically Such As the mask making via elements deal, ekimu, and the okoto setting. i am Cramming As Much Mostly Relevant G1 Things In This As Possible. includes all main toa teams so mata, metru and inika as well as the chronicler's company, Lhikan lesbian ver, several of the Makuta, the Barraki (who are actual animals and also a polycule because why not) and a MNOG-like Makuta who honestly loves and cares for his brother the Great Spirit and thinks putting him in a coma will help. also pewku and jaller's crab. theres even a voriki implication. i have a big post in the drafts for this and perhaps one day it will appear

2009-10 elements will not manage to be included nor will 2016-17 elements. the former because i cannot fit those lads in here tho perhaps bara magna life & survival will make it through, the latter because i havent seen journey to one and frankly i dont know if theres anything of value to take from it. please do yell at me at length in case you disagree. i am very serious abt that i want to learn more, its just that i cant be arsed to get netflix for anything

B) human g2015 au

classic modern times human au but with 2015 characterization bc i like the web episodes. the thoughts i have about this are nebulous at best but good lord if it aint good fun to think about

THE GOOD NEWS IS that while the main characters will be limited to the toa mata nuva, i can mention as many characters in this as i want. possibly all of them. they are just new zelanders now, they live there. they have jobs and stuff. im going to include the fucking moburzhak. i can even put the g1 mata in there as bizzarely omonimous different characters. i am a god

THE ALSO GOOD NEWS IS i can overthink characterizations you wouldnt even dream of so i can take these cardboard cutouts that are the toa and try to engineer something compelling out of them somehow through the power of incredible neurodivergency and this morbid interest in group dynamics i just found

the bad news is i have little to no plot yet. few story beats that i have are discovery of the powers ala superheroes, lewa getting possessed, pohatu having a panic attack, subsequent slow kohatu development from strangers to friends to lovers because im Fucking Weak For Them, onua leaving lewa underground briefly because hes fucking tired of his attitude, slow lewa/tahu/gali development from clashing to friends to what i can only describe as the human equivalent of a cat colony, stupid winter episode, and undecover mission in drag at a fancy place. most of my fully formed thoughts are for this last one but i still have no idea how this happens or why they have to do it, i just know that the boys make for a bunch of pretty ladies. i am just spitting ideas

also had more specific ideas regarding the main toa such as them being half maori and half another ethnicity (australian aboriginal/hawaiian/jewish/latin american/african just to give a few ideas), onua being aromantic and lewa being goth

C) Foster Parent au

also known as What Watching A Whole Ass Blind-Run Of Bloodborne While Having A Soft Spot For Toa-Turaga Familial Relationships Does To A Motherfucker AU, or also alternatively Superpowers? Divinity? WRONG! COSMIC HORROR AU

only features the Toa Mata, Toa Metru Hordika, Artakha, Karzhani and Velika. the Toa Mata are six parentless siblings separated at birth, bounced around the system until each ended up assigned one of the Toa Metru as their foster parent. weird elemental shit starts happening more prominently now that theyre in a safe and loving environment, and a mysterious man named Artakha who seems to have history with the Metru begins showing up insistently and intimidatingly demanding custody of the kids as their father.

its about the PARENT-CHILD CONNECTIONS and the SIBLINGHOOD and the HORRORS and the FOUND FAMILY and the PARENTAL LOVE and the HORRORS AGAIN

i DO want to talk about it but also i do NOT want to talk about it but also i will never write it so PLEASE ask me about it i am Begging You

[aemerge]

i spent a lot of time off social media - most of the last year with a few exceptions and i am just recently coming back to it. there are a lot of reasons for that + this past few years (though *especially* this last year and a half being sober), ive had what feels like whole other lifetimes of experiences, and i felt further isolated because i didnt think i could identify with anyone and what is/was the point of posting anything. its a big part of why when i ever do post, i often stick to pictures or other NVC-type stuff and i dont share much written word.

once i did start tuning back into facebook and tiktok though, i realized how actually not alone i am in a lot of the ways that i think and other things i have been inspired to discover on my own - which maybe hasnt been the quickest way to learn and become a little wiser, though i believe that was my path for a reason.

it really started for me when i committed suicide in 2013 and woke up in a hospital 3 days later; i suppressed me seeings and feelings from then on with mostly alcohol and weed until my actions necessitated sobriety. but that was the beginning of true acceptance and beauty. finally i accepted meditation; discovered the "Gateway process" pioneered by Robert Monroe. ive filled dozens of notebooks this past year or two with words, crude sketches and drawings, a mishmash of multiple forms of communication and languages that most people might find illegible and non-understandable at best, others might see it all as completely insane. yet i continue to feel compelled to share some of it and knowing that there are others out there who see and think and feel as i do, my fear of judgement etc has still held me back. so here is me trying to get over that and begin sharing some of my... "personal occult art" and inner work, inspirations and realizations, visions of reality greater than the physical here and now... things like that. ways i process. and maybe no one will get anything out of my bad handwriting and crude art; im finally sharing for me and it feels like the part ive been missing to complete some of this and to stop holding on to it all, is just to let it go into the ether and let myself be seen for better or worse. i am more whole than i have ever been, whether perceived as crazy or not.

i will probably begin posting this stuff with as little additional context or explanation as possible. or maybe i will share with pieces of my story. i hope the FB compression allows for zooming and detail, theres a good amount of hidden stuff in here. often i start with writing and it just becomes something else...

so here's one i still reflect on often. i still find new insights and revelations in this as i do in so many journal pages and notebook entries that helps me keep and create new perspective. i believe this one started as a reflection on both what is between my wife and myself and what i desired to build and create there.

science, magic, spirituality; right, left, liberal "vs" conservative, etc... are all intersections of each other; made for each other. we should think about integrating them all. i will leave it at that.

love you.

[speltfields]

NO WAAAYYY YOUR NEW WIP 😭😭😭😭 YOURE TRYING TO KILL US !!!!!

and about music he listens to it's so hard for me to decide some genre i've listened to all the shane playlists on spotify and i can't decide

what about you????

-🫶 anon

ok so first off to my non stardew followars (sorry) im gonna start tagging everything with #sdv posting so u can blaclklist. love u

answer under the readmore to save u all from the harmful psychic rays of my thoughts

i habe been thinking about the answer to this question for SOOOO LONGGGGG because i feel this has layers like here's all the different factors I have to consider

[and willfully ignore because hes my wet pathetic doll i can do whatever i want with]

1. stardew takes place in like the 80's yeah? 🤔🤔🤔 i ignore this one most of the time. giving them cellphones is funny. its the 2020s they all just have bad cell service and dial up still

2. emilys 8 heart event shane dresses like a punk. Dude gives off "i wanted to be a goth in middle school but couldnt afford tripp pants from the mall but now im an adult and too lazy to try" vibes. maybe his music taste reflects this

3. Umm he's "old" Lol (affectionate) I see him like late 30's early 40's...

4. But is he like COOL old or THINKS hes cool old (important distinction you have surely been around both types of men before and know the difference)

these are all of the factors i have to consider when choosing what music he would listen to.. the like "game takes place during the 80s" thing is the rule i play fast and loose. I only care about it if its funny contextually. usually its funnier if its not the case. Anyways onto the actual headcanons

I think shane would have pretty bad taste in music but once u are friends with him he's open to listening to new stuff and if you show him something new he hadn't heard before he'd say "Huh you're kind of weird aren't you 😏" making fun of you for it but secretly he'd think it was good/ he is def open to listening to new stuff. He secretly does like old school country as well. Noone knows this. You discover john denver/johnny cash cds buried under his bed (he listens to them to feel cool)

I think he would believe he had an eccentric music taste but then you'd go through his collection and its like... weezer. rhcp. maybe some metal. and ur like. This is Dad Rock Radio Tier and he'd be like "WHAT green day isnt dad rock" (i dont believe this yet but id say it to him anyway to make him mad. you understand)

you'd show him some shit like roswell kid and he'd go crazy for it even though its kinda cheesy. also he's randomly into stuff like aphex twin too.

I feel compelled to make him listen to the music i like but i know that that's wishful thinking. he's a dork that's why i like him. i might have to compound on this later when my brain works better (it takes me several weeks to form a single creative thought)

I haven't listened to any shane spotify playlists maybe i should... i do have my own playlist of songs that REMIND me of him but not necessarily stuff i think he'd listen to. I'm too embarrassed to post this 😈

[macbethz]

1, 10, and 15 for the choose violence ask game :)

THIS IS A LONG ONE SORRY. I guess I had violence in my heart.

1. The character everyone gets wrong

Ok im aware this is like the most predictable answer for me but its true. CLARA!!! People don't get her at all and it absolutely infuriates me, because she's pretty much the only companion in nuwho who is hated to this extent (ie, people saying mean shit about her on my posts ABOUT HER) Oh does she annoy you by having the exact same traits as the doctor? Do you not like her egotistical and controlling behavior? I wonder why. Perhaps there is a point there.

Sidenote - it annoys me when people will call her a mary sue and simultaneously get mad at her being an asshole and yk, having character flaws, as if those terms aren't mutually exclusive & her hyper-competence that gets read as "mary sue" isn't an intentional choice by the narrative and a result of her being DEEPLY unwell in other aspects of her life.

I feel like a lot of people judge her based on the second half of s7 which, to be fair, is awful and I don't think they knew what they were doing with her yet. But in the context of her whole run she is genuinely one of the most evocative characters to come out of doctor who for me, especially in the way she serves as a kind of commentary and subversion of companions as a whole. I genuinely could talk about clara forever but yeah I do feel like a lot of the hate comes from the fact that people Don't Get Her.

And then among fans who do there's always a risk that they see her as this blank slate twee girl to self-project onto which again, to be fair, is how she was written in season 7. But so many things from supposed fans of her as well that I'll read and be like she would not fucking say that. she does not have the emotional awareness to say that. and/or she is not like a uwu quirky shy girl she would fucking speak her mind about that. She is deranged and I love her. I have to shut up abt clara or this will be the whole post.

10. Worst part of fanon

I honestly cant get TOO annoyed with doctor who fanon because i am a comics fan AND a danny phantom fan and its surprisingly common practice for people in both those fandoms to be a "fan" of something they have not consumed the media for in any form, resulting in this horrible mess of fanon with no connection to what makes the original compelling. + doctor who is such a mess of canon anyway basically everything has been canon at some point even if its shit.

But I think in the end the worst part of DW fanon is, like all fanon, the flattening of really compelling characters to fit trope archetypes. I see this especially with tenrose, where they're just turned into this kind of generic ship that you can plug n play into any situation with little connection to the interesting ways they actually behave in canon.

As a kind of interesting reversal, though, fanon will often expand out dw's most generic characters (ie most chibnal companions. sorry), but only for the purposes of shipping and not in ways I myself find particularly interesting. Like imo Yaz is probably the least developed chibnal companion but pretty much the only one I see expanded on in this way because of the shipping potential.

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

im probably gonna get slaughtered for this but i think maybe weve had enough crowley in doctor who outfits or 10 meeting crowley fanart. maybe im bitter because i dont really care about the GO show and I feel like it fills up the dw tag to the brim these days

[onemorestepinduskvol]

The 7 Tiers of Ascendency Part 1. The Map

I like to think if you looked at the above and had a guess of what it might mean you would be close to the sentiment of the idea. It is simply a way of abstracting the kind of goals a crew may have at each tier. But to expand on that point... There's something about BitD that to me feels, inexplicably, like an old arcade game where crossed with a competitive virtual reality environment (if you have ever seen the 2001 polish film, Avalon, by Mamoru Oshii, you'll have a better sense of what I mean). The challenge, the enemy, is the environment, the world. The city is trying to kill you. Your goal is to survive. In this world, the only way to survive is to thrive; you stand on the necks of your opponents to climb higher or you don't. BitD already has Tiers which vaguely reflect groups' relative power but that is not quite the same as the kind of schlocky 'level 1' and 'level 2' progress structure that I am outlining here.

Also, one complaint I have heard levelled against BitD is that the character can become more powerful than their environment too quickly and too easily. I'm not commenting on that but I will say my taste is that a game is more satisfying when you have to work to beat level 1 and when eventually succeed at Level 3 after being beaten by it many times.

In the next post, I'm going to talk about '7 Tiers of Ascendency', what each might mean and what each might look like and how you might use it in your games to give give players a kind of direction for their ambitions and to give GM's an abstracted sense of what a crew may be aiming to achieve. But first...

Blades in the Spire

The savant amongst you will have noticed the picture is adapted from Slay the Spire, another excellent game about climbing higher, and I use it to capture a few ideas;

Giving crews 2 or 3 scores per level.

Discrete bands of challenge can justify an exponential increase in difficulty between them (Tier 2 twice as difficult as Tier 1, Tier 3 twice as difficult as Tier 2 etc.)

I like goal being not to 'win' but to see how high you can go. Remember this is a game about making stories. Ime, characters comfortably retiring is as close as you can really come to failure.

Giving crews several discrete options for their scores. Some will find this helpful, some won't.

Connected points on the map help players form and see narrative arcs. If we do take the Heist job to rob the Marimon's caravan, then it may mean next we need to silence his security chief. These arcs can be done projectively and/or retroactively.

Each point on this map could be a kind of score (or even a non-score objective or event), and so the players might enjoy picking a path between 'assassination', then 'heist', then completing/disrupting a ritual.

This creates an opportunity to compel diversity in the kinds of score the crew takes, pushing Crews out of their comfort zones and mastered skills after Tier 1 or 2. Smugglers needing to steal, Thieves needing to protect... this can be very useful for encouraging crews to diversify their skills and hence and/or keeping the challenge level high.

Similarly, it can be the case that there is no path to Tier 3 that doesn't go through at least one of many different kinds of heist.

It can be fun to make and share this map ahead of time or conversely leave it blank and players to fill it in as they go though I would say leaving some record of the missions and scores they didn't take can be deliciously juicy for story building later on.

Perhaps the most important thing to bear in mind is that the crew still decided what each of these scores are. I think it's fine to say 'At some stage you will need to complete a Heist/Theft' but make sure that where, when, and what is stolen remains firmly up to them. A little structure, not too much.

[storiedshelves]

the animated cutscenes of ace attorney 5 / the great ace attorney chronicles

something that's been on my mind recently, the anime cutscenes in the games.... long rambly post ahead about those who worked on it & my praise (especially of Dual Destinies) and issues (from a technical standpoint) as an animation fan

so from preliminary research (and after just finishing the great ace attorney chronicles 1) i was genuinely curious, who worked on the anime cutscenes? so i looked up various people from the credits (thank you youtubers who uploaded JUST the credits) and cross referenced names with anime news network.

there were about 60 credits under animation [and main work under JC Staff] for character design, storyboarding and direction, keyframes , in-between, cleanup, color, backgrounds and cinematography, etc... and i tried to look into each person who had an entry on ann. it was so interesting seeing what people had worked on and how impressive their work / history was!

onto the criticisms : [ cs = cutscene ]

mise en scene ; there are a few scenes that have a little too much negative space and end up feeling bare [think cs 2, 3, 5, and unfortunately the last one of the game :(] in moments where you want to feel the scale of the world or large concrete / brick / steel buildings of great britain , the storyboard instead emphasizes some wide shots with no particular focus. it breaks the immersion of the scene at times. various panning scenes too with no focus, again make some scenes feel somewhat bare or lacking in energy [cs3], i also think back to the beginning of the cs on Baker Street , wide shot w/ no focus. it also feels like the layout or composition could've been used to convey more?? [that's exactly why i enjoyed anime cs in Dual Destinies more in a way?]

lighting : for the cs that take place in the daytime there's no discerning shadows on the ground or specific direction & i feel like it doesn't work with this setting for some reason... it ends up making the cs feel flat and somewhat blended into the background

there also feels like a lack of character acting in some scenes overall so the characters feel very static even when scenes are supposed emotional

now i have to say the backgrounds , seeing the designs in action, and the atmosphere they set out to create was really ambitious .

now for an ace attorney game with more compelling anime cutscenes to me was AA5

what i LOVED about the Dual Destinies cutscenes in particular was the direction / storyboarding and layouts (in particular cs 2 with a certain characters backstory, other cs, and school setting cs for the shot composition / imagery / symbolism used to convey that characters inner thoughts just through visuals). the animation also feels more full or well rounded (like the in-betweens aren't as noticeable, not sure what the technical phrase would be???) i think the variety of shots throughout also help with that.

in addition the emphasis on light and shadow feels more used throughout. i think as connecting scenes in animated form, they also capture particular moments well

a reference i found super informative was while browsing wiki for Dual Destinies led me to the Capcom blog post- Intro to Japanese Anime Production Starring Phoenix Wright

it includes commentary from game director Yasuhiro Seto and storyboards from a cutscene from the beginning of the game. it was also interesting seeing how the animation team could add their own flair to the dialogue through the visuals!

overall while i still have some criticism of the cs in game 5, i feel like the cutscenes worked better at setting tone and the team behind them utilized the medium to get the most out of these short scenes and packed more into the minutes available, the action also felt more tangible

i was hoping to also discuss game 6 , will probably do another post on that game :) thanks for reading! i really hope what im saying makes sense & really would love to know if anyone has thoughts on this topic <3

[swampgallows]

I read your garrosh chronicles pt 3 post and i prrtty much agree with every word.

I started in cata and skipped mists and most of wod, additionally i havent read any of the books and its really changed my opinion on garroshs writing from absolutely godawful to run of the mill bad.

I also am pissed at blizzard even more if thats possible. why was so much critical characterization not in game like my impression of garrosh was formed with the cata questing including! stonetalon and like WHY THE FUCK is the entire goddamn reason for the war in a book! Ahhhhh! Stonetalon, silverpine, the barrens, and ashenvale paints garrosh as imo someone with a massive chip on his shoulder but who cares deeply abt honor and shit! Im gonna stop this here before i start ranting about wod

I really really appreciated that post and wish you luck in your garrosh standom

(I lied who tf thought groms we will never be slaves line was a good fucking idea standing next to a smiling yrel who has no lines grrrrrrr)

im glad you read my big fat chronicle post, it was cathartic to write way back when. i still get pretty pissed about the twilight's hammer thing getting retconned, both because it was one of the more insanely gory things to come out of wow (druids being skinned alive and having their hides/skins hanging from the trees, hamuul hiding in a pile of his druid friends' corpses and body parts long enough to escape, etc) and also because it totally fucked over the characterization of cairne AND garrosh. cairne was completely justified in fighting to the death over that amount of brutal carnage at a completely peaceful gathering, and garrosh was also justified in defending his honor to the death that he would never order such an attack. it also really defangs a lot of the twilight's hammer for cataclysm too.

i think that chip on his shoulder is one of the traits people really liked about garrosh before they railroaded him into being fash. even if they had turned him into a villain without the ‘orc hitler’ thing, part of what made him so compelling was how unpredictable and boisterous he was and that he always gave 200% of himself to everything. he did have his brooding moments, but the majority of the time once garrosh was yanked out of his shell he was just like a steam engine off the rails. putting him on the very predictable track of "more power/world domination" made him boring and exhausting. there were some glimmers of that "full force unhinged" garrosh in mop, particularly the divine bell quest comes to mind: dropping the bell on a young gay boy, yes, but also the bit where he has to be talked down from a blinding rage so he doesnt kill the only mogu prisoner with any information on the bell, and compensating for it by silently killing every single mogu on his way out, leaving a bleeding trail of corpses up the mountains of kun-lai. like, god, the drama. what a fucking king

[foilfreak]

Beauty and Her Beast: Summary and Ch.1

A Salvatore Moreau x Female!FishMutant!oc fic based on this idea I had the other day that a very specific subset of the fanfom went absolutely apeshit for, which I'm here for and decided to act on. I can't make any promises for consistent uploading or even a finishes product by the end of this, but so long as im still interested in working on it, I'll keep working on it, and if im not, then I wont, plain and simple. Anyways, here's the summary and chapter 1, please let me know what you think of the story so far, i hope you all enjoy (you'd better all enjoy), and I can't wait to see you all again for chapter 2. Bye! <333 (Link to ao3 posting will be in comments so check there if you want to read it there instead)

Warning: This fic is rated NSFW and contains graphic depictions of things some people may find disturbing or alarming, including, but not limited to: violence, gore, unhealthy family relationships, Oedipus complexes, gratuitous amount of pornographic literature, ableist language, physical, mental, and emotional abuse, etc. If you are someone who does not enjoy fiction with these elements in them, then I suggest you refrain from reading this, because this fic will have all that, and probably a lot more. So, this is your first and final warning to turn around and go somewhere else if stuff like this just isn't your vibe, because from this point forward, your emotional wellbeing is in your own hands, and I will not be accepting blame if you disregarded my warnings and ended up reading something you didn't like. Idk why I feel compelled to write one of these despite this being Resident Evil fanfic, but I figured I'd cover my ass just in case.

Summary:

Now, I’m sure everyone already knows the ancient tales that tell of a beautiful young woman slowly falling in love with a horrific monstrosity of a man. The pure and true love this innocent beauty comes to feel for him, despite his terrifying appearance, is the key that breaks the cruel and twisted curse under which he’d been kept prisoner. This allows the man behind the monster to not only return to his true human form, but then go on to live his Happily Ever After with the beauty who saved him. Everyone already knows of these tales, as well as the messages behind them, however that is not quite the way this particular tale plays out.

The tale I am about to tell bears many similarities to the one above, however there are also quite a few important differences. For while the original detailed a beauty falling for a monster because of the kind and loving man he was behind his hideous exterior, this is a tale of a beauty, with a few monstrous qualities of her own, falling in love with a kind and loving monster, not at all despite his grotesque appearance, but rather, in part, because of it.

This is a tale, where the Beast still falls for his Beauty first, but the Beauty is the one who will be pursuing her Beast.

Chapter 1: Mother's Gift

Few of those who lived isolated from the outer world, high up in the mountains of Romania, would expect anyone of reasonable sanity to be out traveling in this hellish sort of weather. The wind howling a demonic high pitched tune; snow, sleet, and hail pounding into the ground like an endless shower of bullets from the heavens; and hungry lycans still roaming the area, tirelessly looking for their next meal, would be enough to incentivize even the strongest of mortal men to seek shelter away from the deadly conditions of the outside.

A man by the name of Salvatore Moreau however, one of the 4 lords of this mountain region who lived in the reservoir just past the windmills, did not appear terribly concerned with what other people thought of the traveling conditions. Completely unbothered by the horrifying weather and threat of suddenly being ground into doggy food, the hooded man trudged his way through the dark and barely maintained snow paths. Starting at the reservoir and making his way toward the village, Salvatore moved as quickly as his deformed body would permit, an unusually chipper spring added to his lumbering hobble of a walk.

Mother had a gift for him.

Yes, a truly joyous day it was whenever Mother Miranda called upon him to join her and the other lords for a meeting. Miranda was usually so busy with her experiments that she rarely had time to visit her children outside of these ‘family meetings’ they’d been having recently. However, it would appear as though Mother has come up with a solution of some kind to this problem and wishes to share it with them in person. Whatever this solution is, the mutated man has no idea, as Mother Miranda had been quite vague in her message, however the fact that Salvatore was being given the chance to see his radiant mother AND receive a gift from her, all in one day, was more than enough to make up for how agonizingly lonely he’s been these last few months since winter set in, as well as how agonizing it was for him to walk in this weather.

Salvatore arrived at the usual meeting site just as the clock struck 8pm, precisely as Mother had instructed. However, much to the hooded man’s confusion, when he turned the handle on the large wooden door to enter the room, he quickly realized that he was currently the only one present. This was especially strange considering that, usually, at least one of his siblings was always present a little earlier than necessary, usually Alcina or Karl, but occasionally Donna with Angie in tow.

Mother had clearly said in her message that she wanted to start the meeting at 8pm sharply, so where on earth is everyone?

“Moreau” Mother Miranda’s voice called out, immediately pushing all thoughts from Salvatore’s brain as her powerful, yet lucious voice echoed against the halls of the room like a choir of angels.

“Y-yes! W-what… is it… M-mother Miranda? I-i-i came to you… j-just like you asked” Salvatore responds, bowing his head in reverence as he slowly crosses the room and approaches the otherworldly woman.

“So you did, though I suppose you coming exactly when I call makes the most sense. You always were the most obedient of my children” the woman remarks with casual disdain, her voice devoid of any sort of motherly affection or tenderness. Despite the clear disgust and disregard with which Miranda regards the hooded man standing before her, her words light Salvatore’s soul ablaze, filling his mangled body with intense feelings of heat and desire that melt his heart of the cold, icy frost that had frozen it over the course of the long winter.

“Y-y-yes, y-yes of c-course, Mother M-Miranda! I-i would… I would do any-anything... for y-you. A-anything you s-say... anything y-you n-need… I’d d-do it... f-for you. W-without question!” The deformed man says, practically getting on his hands and knees and crawling as he neared closer and closer to Miranda, stopping only when he’d arrived just in front of the steps the raven mother stood upon, his gaze trained at the ground as he knelt at her feet, awaiting his fate at his mother’s hands.

“I know you would, Moreau,” Miranda says cooly, gently brushing the palm of her hand against the black fabric that covers the top of Salvatore’s head, “which is why I’ve called you here today; to reward you for your loyalty and service to me thus far.”

Salvatore sinks sharp and jagged teeth into the flesh of his bottom lip, nearly drawing blood as he desperately tries to silence the needy whine that wanted to tear its way from the back of his throat. His body shivered and twitched in unimaginable delight from the sudden tender caress to his sensitive skin. How long had it been since someone had touched him so gently? How long since someone had spoken to him with such kind and soft words. Took the time to gather presents as a reward for years of faithful servitude? How long since someone had loved him like this?

‘Too long’ the disfigured man sighed to himself, reveling in the soft, gentle contact for as long as he is able.

“Moreau. Look at me” Miranda commanded firmly, and despite not wanting his beloved Mother to be forced to bear witness to his hideous face, he complied, lifting his head up and back to allow his gaze to lift from the floor and up at the glowing figure that was his Mother, his beautiful, incredible, intelligent, majestic mother.

The light shining down from above illuminates Miranda from behind. From Salvatore’s perspective on the floor, the light darkens her face and most of her torso and waist, giving a softened, almost ethereal glow around Miranda’s figure. This, along with the rest of her garb, makes Mother Miranda appear even more like the holy woman that Salvatore naively believes she still is. Despite her less than affectionate treatment of him thus far, Salvatore still stared up at the darkened face of Mother Miranda, his eyes shining with reverence, love, desire, and unending devotion.

“Y-yes... Mother?” Salvatore breathed, barely able to speak above a whisper as Miranda stepped away, gesturing for him to follow.

“Are you ready to collect your gift now?” The raven mother asks, speaking more softly than before and even holding her hand out to Salvatore, her pose and appearance mirroring that of a powerful god taking mercy upon her wretched follower, reaching out to reward the years of faithful servitude and worship.

Salvatore, barely able to keep himself calm as he stumbled to his feet, did not grace Mother Miranda’s question with a proper response, instead practically racing to take the woman’s outstretched hand in his own.

“I’m ready Mother… I-I’m ready for... my g-gift now… can I… c-can I have it n-now… p-please?” Salvatore begs, pulling at Miranda’s hand like an overly excited child, seemingly unaware of the disgusted twist of her face when the hooded man’s cold, slimy fingers firmly latched onto hers.

“Of course, my child” Mother Miranda says, pulling her hand back from Salvatore’s and instead placing it along the man’s hunched back, beginning to guide him to wherever it was the raven mother had hidden his gift.

As Salvatore limped next to Mother Miranda, the deformed man couldn’t help but wonder what exactly it was that Mother had gotten for him. Was it a new cloak, to replace the worn one he was currently wearing? Perhaps a new set of romance films so he didn’t have to rewatch the ones he already owned over and over again anymore? Or maybe it was something to help with his digestion?

It would be nice to get his chronic acid reflux under control again.

Regardless of what the gift actually turned out to be however, Salvatore was merely pleased that he was finally getting a chance to spend time with Mother Miranda all by himself for a change.

Maybe, if he was lucky, she’d even agree to hold him, just like she always did back when he was still undergoing cadou treatment.

Oh how wonderful that would be!