#from that one green lantern jazz post

[l4p1z---d]

Some more green lanter jazz and jason todd doodles

[jondoe297]

i missed regularly sharing all the toys an junk i get on here. i had fallen off the wagon of doin so an thanks to an all too familiar mix of laziness,procrastination an just puttin off doin somethin even if want to for some reason. i thought i'd get back to it with this post of all the stuff i've gotten so far since this year started. yeah almost no one sees these posts but doin em makes me happy so here we are. most of these are thrifted.

these aren't in order of when i got em but let's start with Superman figures

we got the Mattel DC Multiverse Super Friends Superman. (Mattel's DC Multiverse is the superior one btw. still sour they lost the license. especially with McFarlane bein generally lackluster) i've wanted this one for a long time since they were announced. got im second hand but in the box! he's really classic Superman from Mattel's DC Universe Classics line with Super Friends themed base an packaging. display background comes with part of the Super Friends logo(that you collect the whole wave to form)an a José Luis García-López drawn Superman on the other side! best part is that an the Kenner style cape😍 it's like they made this figure specifically for me lol

also got a Smallville Clark figure! not really the biggest fan of the show but it's pretty nostalgic an a Superman figure is a Superman figure(even if he's just wearin a leather jacket lol)plus these go for bonkers prices online an i got this one for like,9 bucks. Score!

also a cute lil Superman and a Man of Steel cake topper figure. can you believe it's ten years this year since Man of Steel came out?!

Batman figures next

okay so i found not one but TWO toybiz 1989 Batman figs. and on the same day too!! definitely a highlight.

a Battinson bobble head cinema cup topper. i was stoked to find any Battinson in the wild lol.

plus lil New 52 an Rebirth Batman figurines

some Robins. these were found in the same place. makes me wonder if it's from the same person who lost or gave away or sold their Robin collection. makes me pretty bummed tbh :/

i think about this aspect of thrifting a lot. Anyway..

a navy blue variant of the new 'Tooned' '66 Batmobile Hot Wheels. i love it!!

Green Lantern movie ring. was pretty jazzed to find this! movie is.. meh. it's not that bad it's the studio interference that really grinds my gears. toyline is top-notch though i always loved it!

now this is a McFarlane DC Multiverse figure i really wanted to have. ZSJL Cyborg!!

back when it just came out no one where i live got the Cyborg except the version with the helmet thingy for some reason(if there is a reason i have an idea what it might be but anyway)but i got im now an i'm pleasantly surprised how good he is given McFarlane's track record. Very happy❤

and another lil Cyborg. found in flea market but originally from a Kinder egg.

not many Marvel stuff as it happened. but some real fun stuff! especially that gem of a Spidey figure. from the Spider-Man 3 'Webworld Racers' sub-line who came with motorcycles. he has like 14 points of articulation an can fit in the palm of my hand(unintentional reference lol). texture on his suit is bonkers too. like Hasbro didn't have to go that hard for such a small figure but they did. i've also always really really wanted im but the prices for them were ridiculous back in the day so to find im in the wild all these years later.. yeah :')

we also got an Invisible Woman figure from 1997 that is so good you wouldn't believe it was made by KFC. and a Hulk as War,Horseman of Apocalypse from the 'Handful of Heroes' from like 2009-10. always love finding these lil guys an unpainted figures are generally a win for me.

Star Wars stuff

we got a Clone Wars Obi-Wan action figure. seller had a bunch more Clone Wars an other Star Wars figs but i uhh had to hold my hand an only got Obi-Wan.

a 1983 Kenner Chief Chirpa fig,without his headdress thingy. but funny enough,what are the odds,i found another one with his headdress and a 1984 Gamorrean Guard in the same day at another shop! i gave those to someone else i know who loves Star Wars figures.

we also have a Darth Vader keychain,a lil Hologram Palpatine and a few Micro Machines.

now this is the 'other/miscellanious' category

we have a Raph as The Mummy from the TMNT/Universal Monsters crossover toyline Playmates did from 1993 which just.. checks so many boxes for me. he also glows in the dark!

a gorgeous figurine of Obelix with a little dog friend💕

a lil Guile from Street Fighter who looked real nice an probably vintage so i grabbed im. looked it up an apparently he's from 1990 an from a gumball machine. NICE!!

the green fella i grabbed cuz i like alien figures an stuff an he's from '98. later looked im up an he's from a Fisher Price space set. fun stuff!

the lil orange friend is a Chimp from an animal themed sub-set of a line called 'Glyos Bit Figs' that are pixel-styled lil vending machine figures. again,so many boxes checked. i also found another one from the line before,both times with their ball/capsule,so of course i grabbed it.

last but not least that lil car i got from a chips packet lol

thanks for readin me blaberring about toys for a bit if you did. Hope you have a nice day regardless💕

[a-mole-of-iron]

Duchowiesen stories: Liftoff

Alright, so, update. Due to diminishing resources and abilities, I was unable to post anything for a while - and now, I’ll be starting to publish a series of very unpretentious short stories in the urban fantasy genre. And I don’t mean modern-day real-world with fantasy trappings; I mean a fantasy world with big cities and elaborate technology. There will be train journeys through magic forests, and visits to taverns with televisions and telephones placed therein; bureaucrats cataloguing ancient relics, and dragons doing aerial photography; elaborate underground cities lit by electric lanterns and overgrown by moss and mushrooms, and mystical deserts with towns raised on concrete pillars above the shifting dunes; welfare provisions for werebeasts and changelings, and vast industries supplying the people with affordable goods; and more besides, all in the setting that me and my friends have developed together.

Without further ado, I present to you: the fantasy world of Duchowiesen, and all of its many unusual and wonderful things, places, and people.

Story genre: comfy urban fantasy

Liftoff

At the Electric Lamplight Inn, it was an hour past lunchtime. The sun crept across the wooden tables covered with checkered tablecloth, with colorful mass-manufacture metal-and-cloth dining chairs around them and salt and pepper shakers with folded-up napkins close by on every table, along the bar and its selection of bottles of varying colors, shapes, and sizes that held alcohol as well as soft drinks, up the wooden beams that helped hold up the second floor, over the walls covered by vanilla-colored plaster and decorated with landscape photographs of meadows, mountains, boreal woods, and glaciers, and towards the clock and the nearby refrigerator with its curved outer surfaces and a glass door displaying cold foods and drinks. The barkeep was absent, and only a couple of people were there, eating their mid-day meal a little late. A big beast-folk guy with striped grey fur, wearing a jacket loaded up with carpentry tools and overalls that seemed sturdy as a cliff face, was treating himself to a good serving of meat and potatoes the inn sourced from the local farmer's market; two businesswomen in rumpled suits discussed trade as they helped themselves to fish with rice that they've systematically drowned in lots and lots of tartar sauce, and an occultist professional from the Southern Lands, with his hawk-like features alongside a fancy coat and pants covered in rune embroidery, was eating alone - or so it seemed if you didn't notice him having a one-sided conversation while looking into a mirror he had standing on his dinner table. The television standing next to one of the walls was set on mute, and even if it wasn't, at the moment it was displaying "The Wondrous World of Duchowiesen Dragons" - one of the most boring offerings among all the niche-subject documentary shows available on TV across the entire Federation, which was saying a lot. The time dragged out a little, flowing like a calm river - but then, another prospective patron walked through the door, a diminutive kobold engineer with their bright green scales and hemispheric sunglasses on their wide, gecko-like face, who was for some reason also wearing a labcoat far outside of any lab.

The kobold walked up to the bar, perched the sunglasses on their forehead, and said: "Excuse me, innkeeper? INNKEEPER?" in their high-pitched voice.

The innkeeper, a middle-aged woman wearing somewhat outdated and yet eternally cool clothing from the jazz era - a flapper look adapted for the everydays of the modern age - walked out to the bar to meet them. "Hello there. Would you like to order a full lunch, or book lodgings?" she asked.

"Neither, actually." the kobold answered. "I just want two deli sandwiches, a glass of mineral water, and a TV broadcast."

"Broadcast...?" the innkeeper asked, somewhat confused.

"Yes!" the kobold squeaked. "Could you tune your particle accelerator... sorry, TV set, to Science Channel One? Yours was the only place in town with a TV I could find on short notice!"

"Alright then." the innkeeper said.

She turned the dial on the wired TV controller, and the picture changed to show a sunlit desert, and in the midst of its sands, the Cosmodrome launch site with a rocket set up on the launch pad. The sound went back on, and the people eating dinner turned their heads to the TV, as they heard the ever so slightly portentous announcer read the text. The announcer went: "...seems that all of the pre-launch checks have been cleared, and the computers monitoring the site all read green. And now we're being told, the Cosmodrome is ready for launch, T-minus five minutes."

"Hey, what's with the broadcast? Is this live?" one of the businesswomen asked the kobold.

"Yes, it is live!" the kobold said. "They're putting the first-ever photo camera into orbit with this rocket! To think we're going to have all-encompassing pictures of the World at last!"

"Now I'm interested." the occultist said, still looking into the mirror on his table. "Sorry, my friend, we'll have to continue another time. What? Okay, that's good in my books. Bye." He folded the mirror's stand, closed up the small decorated shutters over it, and turned around to look at the television as well.

The voice behind the broadcast kept on talking. In the deadpan shared only by the most composed of Railway Commanders and emergency broadcasters, she said: "I am being informed the rocket's fuel pumps are completing their warm-up cycle, and the Skyguard shields with their EM plus Flux ward properties are ready to go. In a minute, we should have the hand-over of controls and telemetry to the radio channels..."

The people in the inn were interested but slightly flabbergasted; none of them really understood the technical terms involved, even as the announcer explained the rocket's systems in more detail. The kobold engineer was geeking out, however, their eyes transfixed by the picture on the screen. Minutes tensed like the strings of a violin as the launch approached, and finally, the announcer has proclaimed: "And now, we have the clearance for launch. T-minus ten... nine... eight... seven... main engines ignition... five... four... three... two... one!"

The broadcast picture showed plumes of steam, and then fire, blast from the lowest stage of the rocket, and just like that, it started ascending, leaving behind the launch tower with its cabling and pipes. "We have liftoff!" the announcer called, the broadcast switching to another camera that showed the rocket blast off into the sky, and disappear into the clear blue above the desert lands surrounding the Cosmodrome.

The kobold engineer looked at the broadcast as the announcer started describing the photography satellite the rocket was loaded with, then slammed their cutesy hands on the table and yelled: "That... WAS SO COOL!" Everyone else around them was in agreement, even though they weren't the same level of enthusiastic. The occultist looked at the screen with an unspoken wisdom, thinking about the sheer possibilities for new esoteric understanding that a view perch to see the entire world could open. The businesswomen wondered just how the world would change once the satellites get flying in earnest. The beast-folk carpenter was impressed by the engineering involved; many orders of complexity above what he did, but hey, he knew an impressive build when he saw one. Even the innkeeper was interested; the whole scene was dramatic and inspiring, and stirred emotions in all who were there to see it. Finally, the kobold picked up their deli sandwich and started chewing on it. One of the businesswomen asked them:

"Hey, you said you were looking for a TV. Are you just passing through like we are?"

"Yes, but I might become a regular commuter here, it seems!" the kobold replied. "I'm doing engineer consulting around the region."

"Odd! We're kind of in the same boat; our firm sells machinery parts all around the Four Cities area!" the other businesswoman said. "Mechanismus-Magiker GmbH, at your service."

"What about you, friend?" the kobold asked the beast-folk carpenter.

"Well, I'm on my way to the Inland Sea for the weekend." he said. "Funny you are from Mechanismus-Magiker." he said to the businesswomen. "I did renovations in one of your company's trade offices just a month ago."

"Oooh..." the occultist said, turning towards the others with an enigmatic smile. "Serendipity."

"Very much serendipity!" the kobold engineer noted with a goofy grin. "Who knows, maybe this is a sign that we should be here for the next rocket launch!"

"When is that?" the occultist asked, laying a pocketbook of solar and lunar calendars on the table.

"In 16 days, 8 PM for our current timezone." the kobold replied. "They're going to launch a radio amplifier satellite next!"

The occultist looked through the book, then smiled enigmatically again and said: "I have not found anything major, but... perhaps something interesting will happen if we join again at that day and hour. Who's with me to try and test this... small hypothesis?" There were a few seconds of indecisive silence, and then, one after the other, everyone else present responded with a variation of "I'm in!"

[night-wilf]

I posted 224 times in 2022

That's 164 more posts than 2021!

48 posts created (21%)

176 posts reblogged (79%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@stealingyourbones

@phantom-things

@jgvfhl

@tourettesdog

@impyssadobsessions

I tagged 65 of my posts in 2022

#dc comics - 34 posts

#danny phantom - 31 posts

#dc - 28 posts

#writing prompt - 26 posts

#fan fic writing - 26 posts

#writing - 24 posts

#writers on tumblr - 19 posts

#prompt - 19 posts

#dc x dp - 18 posts

#night wilf prompts - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 57 characters

#momma harley gonna fight some bitches for harmin her kids

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Writing prompt 04:

Reformed Dan who protects dimensions under the watch of ClockWork. He ends up in DC and ends up staying there for a long time, enjoying the peace and quiet compared to his home.

Walking through fights while dancing to music and confusing everyone as they slowly lose their animosity to each other. This results in less injuries and the Justice League are just.....

Confused.

They have no clue who this guy is but he seems to have no bad days and makes them all relaxed and happy when in a serious fight. They can't tell if darkside would be effected. However it's possible.

The younger heroes have latched onto this guy as they like his good vibes and can talk for a few hour about their day to him if they had a rough one.

268 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

#4

Writing prompt 09:

Nightwing is close to dead when he suddenly stands on his own, his injuries healing as his voice become much deeper than it should be as he speaks. "You fools are disrupting the timeline. And you will be eliminated for these actions."

Dick can only watch from inside his head as fire flares from his hands and the people he is fighting turn white as his eyes glow scarlet. Trying to run but pulled back in by an unknown force.

A brutal fight ensures as he slaughters them all cold blood with superhuman ability only a Kryptonian can rival with good training.

Dick collapses when all have been sucked of their life force and M'gann braves venturing close to help him. They don't know who that was, but they don't want to get in their bad side.

The guardian returns to his watch tower and stares at the screen as Dick is taken away to recover, looking to his left to see the timeline where he doesn't intervene beginning to collapse like that. He sighs and gives the mercy of a painless to those he can.

Hoping to not have to do that again as it is dangerous to expose himself to his "children".

304 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

#3

Writing prompt 19:

The Fentons are on holiday, traveling across the US to places Danny has always wanted to visit in an effort to repair their relationship.

Due to the distance he has asked Dan and Dani/Ellie escort them so there is more ghosts than humans in the camper. He doesn't feel comfortable around his parents so they don't stop him from bringing them. Though he does appreciate they turned off everything and locked the lab when they learned of what they had done to him. The key in Jazz's possession at all times so they can't do anything else to her poor brother.

They arrive in Gotham to see the heroes from their hotel that night before moving on. Danny doesn't go with them to get supplies and ends up captured by the Talen thinking he his Tim Drake.

Dan is first back and now raging, Jazz allowing her parents their weapons to storm the gates of the court to destroy everything.

And that they do. Very quickly. Too quickly.

Bruce doesn't bother stopping them because he ain't about to stop them.

344 notes - Posted December 3, 2022

#2

Green Lantern Jazz design? Sort of.

Her hair is up so it doesn't get in her face and she covers her whole lower face as she doesn't want to count on people being oblivious idiots for her identity. Her ring is "worn" in her hair so there is no clear source to her power. Or maybe she made it invisible? Who knows. All I know is she can punch away and not be suddenly powered down if someone takes it from her hand.

Not that she would be in trouble if that did happen.

Her suit is mostly dark green and black to not look like a green highlighter and the brighter bits can be turned down she blends into the darkness of space around her. Not going invisible but definitely camouflaging.

Also since she's ecto contaminanted she has some extra abilities no others have.

Situation: Guy isn't best pleased at the new lantern on earth being more powerful than him and she just got her ring. Hal is "quietly" shutting him up best he can. It doesn't seem to be working.

814 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Writing prompt 06:

A few of the bat kids have discovered a favourite private bar that doesn't care for their names or ages, just that they pay for everything. They don't even try to hide their identities or masked name as no one cares. Given one of the regulars is a human sized plant thing that Ivy likes to kick around with, they shouldn't be surprised.

The name of that bar? Phantom's room.

Edit: Phantom's room: the halfway point between dimensions (some really good ideas in the comments!)

The rules are fairly simple to follow:

- Just pay for whatever you get or things will be personal

- Do not bother anyone

- Do not be overly loud

- Pets are permitted and must be cleaned up after, some warning is appreciated

- If injured, don't bleed all over the floor

- Do not ask for alcohol if under 18

- Do not approach alternate/different timeline versions of yourself as they can't see you

- Parking is free unless you are intoxicated trying to go home alone

- State allergies when ordering and something will be made

- No fighting

- Do not ask questions

Jason seems to like the tall ginger bar tender who enjoys his antics and they share scar stories to pass the time. Her dark haired partner sometimes breaks the magic for fun.

Damian likes the large security guy always on duty, nice guy with a rough past and it's nice to talk out stuff with someone willing to listen. Has he become a minor father role to him? Maybe. Does he help with his homework? Yes.

Tim likes to play chess with the blue skinned guy who sits in the corner reading, he's a good talker when not more confusing like the riddler.

Everyone has their favourite and usually visit after a patrol for some water and food before going home. If they come in injured a mysterious gel is slathered over it and they are healed 10 minutes later. Asking to take a sample home is answered with a firm no, as the stuff to can become addicting to humans.

Fair enough.

Though there is nothing online and the "owner"/cook is a boy who died at 14 and somehow still kicking around town. Some family who worked for the criminals of Gotham and got their son killed when he turned on a device, Jason's love interest seems to be the same situation.

Despite that, it takes them a while to tell Bruce as they don't want him ruining it for him. Alfred coming along one day after overhead a conversation between Dick and Jason. Only to find his favourite brand of whiskey already poured for him and an old friend who died long ago waiting to chat with him over a bottle.

He was... gone for some time with that one.

1,734 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mikkimadison]

Ed had not been having a good day.

First, he woke up an hour before his alarm because Jazz made a mess in her crate. While cleaning that up, he'd found out he was almost out of cleaner and almost out of dog food, which meant he had to cram a trip to the store in on his lunch break. But then the meeting before lunch ran just five minutes longer than it was supposed to, leaving Ed scrambling to get food, get home to let Jazz out, and get to the store before he had to be back at work. And then he hit every red light on the way, so of course he was late.

Which meant he was late for his post-lunch meeting, and his manager reprimanded him, and it meant they might lose out on a very lucrative contract. Then, when he finally sat down to each lunch, stomach growling, he discovered he'd gotten the wrong order.

When he got home and saw Jazz had gotten out of her crate and proceeded to destroy his couch, Ed decided someone had it out for him. And he had a pretty good idea who.

He put Jazz's leash and harness on her, stuck a little bottle of wine out in the pocket of his coat, and went for a walk.

Jazz was thrilled about the walk, shoving her head into every third bush to smell whatever was living there, but Ed hauled her out with a promise to let her sniff as long as she wanted on the way back. With his luck right now, she'd get attacked by a cat he hadn't seen and they'd have to make an emergency trip to the vet, and that would delay this even longer.

The temple he needed to visit wasn't in one of the city's main districts, but further off the beaten path, in an area where there were a few temples to regional gods. Smaller gods, as it were.

Ed stomped up the stairs with his dog in tow and muttered the usual prayer at the door, and then set his small wine bottle in the alcove nearby for gifts. Now, now maybe things would go back to normal.

"No."

Ed whirled at the voice, but there was no one there. Only a cat sat on the ground a few feet away, fully black except for a ring of white fur around its eyes. It was almost lost in the evening shadows between the hanging lanterns except for its furry white mask and ̃glowing yellow-green eyes.

The cat meowed, and then repeated, clear as day, "No."

Jazz sniffed at the wall of the temple, showing no indication that she'd heard the cat at all. Which meant...

Ed glared at the cat. "No? What do you mean, no?"

The cat flopped on its side and lazily stretched. "It's been six weeks since your last visit. No prayers, no gifts, not even hardly a thought spared for old Min. One bottle of wine isn't going to cut it."

"I've been under a deadline at work," Ed said. "I've been busy, and every weekend's been booked."

Min's tail twitched. "And yet I bet you've made time for the others, haven't you?"

Ed winced. No point in lying. "Well, I was already in the temple district..."

"Oh, of course." Min scoffed. "Already down there, easy enough to bring gifts for health and travel, safety and fortune. So easy. So much harder to find your way to this temple, the temple of your childhood. So hard to spare a few minutes for the god of little lucks."

Ed closed his eyes and counted to ten. It was frustrating, but Min wasn't wrong. He got onto his knees and bowed. "Min, o god of little lucks, I'm sorry for neglecting you. Please accept my deepest apologies and tell me how to make it right."

Min rolled back up into a seated position and its tail twitched thoughtfully. "Make this pilgrimage each evening for one week, and bring a gift each time."

"A week?" Ed gaped. "Every day?!"

Something cracked above his head, and a tree branch landed just a foot away from him and Jazz.

"Oops," Min said.

Point made. "All right," Ed muttered. "But I can't afford wine each time."

"Tuna's fine." Min trotted to a low pillar and hopped on top of it. "And bring your mutt. She could use the exercise, hm?"

Ed looked at Jazz, who was still happily sniffing everything in a six-foot radius. This was the first time they'd been on a real walk in over a month. He'd been neglecting her, too. "Okay. I mean, yes, o god of little lucks."

Min purred and hopped down from the pillar, and then disappeared into the darkness without so much as a parting yowl.

Then again, maybe Ed really didn't need a god to say goodbye to him. Especially one who had him on its shit list.

He sighed and got to his feet. Jazz trotted over and leaned into his legs, her tongue lolling out between her teeth as she panted.

Ed gave her a good pat on the side. "What do you say we take the long way home, girl?"

Jazz woofed.

"Yeah, I thought you'd like that."

Ed led her back down the stairs and onto the street, letting her sniff to her heart's content. Maybe after a longer walk, he'd feel like he'd made up for neglecting her for the past few weeks.

And maybe he'd also pick up some tuna on the way.

You’re a deity of something small and seemingly unimportant. You’re the first one the people stop praying and sacrificing to when things get dire. Oh, what fools they are.

[bluestbirdie]

9, 15, 29

Thank you! In the absence of declaring which one you want, I am deliberately misconstruing your request to extend to both writer and reader edition. If you did mean both, cool.

Writer Edition

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Yeah, that's totally Jazzprowl. I only have a couple WIPs (UFOs, really) without one or the other.

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you? So, I'm taking most of the stuff I've ever written into next year, in the hopes something gets finished. But there are a few WIPs I'm more excited for and am more likely to complete than others. One I definitely plan to work on and hopefully post next year is the Witch AU, whose working title we will not reveal because it is a Big Spoiler!! It's Witch Hunter Jazz / Witch Prowl with a side of Green the familiar, and it will be a longfic. I'm super excited because I've come up with an awesome conflict and already worked bits of it into the early story. (Actually, after a period of not working on this WIP I forgot that there was an overarching conflict and then later came across my notes on it again. Such a good feeling.)

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? Oh, hard question. I stayed in a room with a big, beautiful, east-facing window that inspired the opening of Smoke & Mirrors. Reading it just reminds me of the lazy mornings I spent there.

Prowl woke with the sun. For one, daylight streamed inside his window and lit his cottage better than any lantern - and the view outside was particularly beautiful this time of year. Second, the potions he planned to brew today would take the entirety of the daylight hours to complete and test. As they did yesterday. […] Waking, however, did not necessarily mean getting up. Prowl took the opportunity to wallow in his tiredness. The morning rays gently warmed his plating. Unusually, a thick berthsheet lay over his helm - he accepted it, since it kept the sunlight from shining directly into his optics. […]

Reader Edition

9. Favorite rare pair you read works for this year? Oooh, difficult. My favorite characters have so much chemistry with everyone… If I had to choose one rarepair, I'd choose Prowl/Skywarp. Love seeing Prowl and Seekers.

15. Favorite canon concept you read this year? I have read very little canon this year, oops… since I know for sure I read some IDW2019, I'm going to go with the funny little palm greeting they have in that series. Or, I know that I definitely read about how they have the news, which is delightfully domestic.

29. Do you have any works you think are required reading for (fandom)? Transformers? No. Jazz/Prowl? No, but I recommend Aard-Rinn's Crime in Crystals series. If for some reason anyone here likes Resident Evil, and wants to see like the only two major characters who never met in canon meet, the Leon/Wesker fandom is for you. I rec the Things We Don't Tell Chris series by acid rounds (some works explicit).

[bongo-clash]

Even when you don't know what it is your job knows what it is

DP/DC week prompt: There was something off about them

'Danny Phantom, alleged several-thousand year old ghostly entity, has a feeling something’s not quite right with Captain Marvel, alleged several-thousand year old champion of magic. He reckons there's no time like the present to confront his hunch.'

-

Look, Danny’s been working with the Justice League for a while now, and he likes to think he knows them all pretty well. Some of them are more open about their civilian identities than others, but even if he doesn’t know who everyone is behind the cowls, he’s got their personalities down pat at least.

Everyone except, perhaps, Captain Marvel. 

Maybe that’s not fair to say. Captain’s a friendly enough guy- nobody’s ever had a bad conversation with him that Danny knows of- but he’s weirdly flaky. The longest he’s stuck around post-mission is probably about five minutes tops, and no one actually knows anything about the man; the League have a habit of hanging around after missions for drinks and talk, and the Captain’s been offered a place with them several times and not taken it once. In all fairness, neither has Danny, but he has an excuse. They think he’s about several thousand years older than he actually is and also a full ghost, so they’d probably expect him to drink and he doesn’t want to have to go through the awkward process of refusing and nor does he want Jazz to go ape on him for giving into peer pressure. 

…That’s another thing; Captain Marvel is allegedly several-thousand years old, but when Danny looks at him there’s a strange sense of camaraderie that makes him think maybe they’re both liars. 

The longer he’s spent thinking about it, the more sense it makes. Their behaviours probably have a lot in common from an outside perspective: coming across awkward around the other members of the team, passing on every event outside of work, sharing very little about their personal lives least of all a civilian identity- which neither of them are even suspected to have. After all, Phantom’s a ghost, and Captain Marvel’s the champion of magic, it seems reasonable to assume their have some other plane of existence they return to when they’re not in the Watchtower. But Danny just goes back home to Illinois and tells his parents he was at Tucker’s again, and he really doesn’t believe that the Captain just sets up shop by the ‘Rock of Eternity’ or whatever he’d mentioned it was called. 

He doesn’t know how to bring it up, though, because what if he’s wrong? There’s a non-zero chance that he’s just projecting his own issues on the man (and that sounds so much like something Jazz would say that it physically hurts), and if Danny tries to confront the man about a lie that isn’t there, then the Captain will know he’s lying, and he’ll totally get booted off the team or placed with Young Justice. There’s nothing wrong with YJ, but it’d just hurt to have worked side-by-side with them proving his reliability for so long only to get pushed away because of his age. 

So he doesn’t say anything, figuring there’s not much choice other than to wait for some kind of confirmation. Until, of course, the opportunity for confrontation arrives in the aftermath of one mandatory League check-point meeting. 

-

Check-point meeting with the Justice League are really just contractually obligated gossip sessions regarding their recent heroic endeavours that quickly descends into normal conversations. Contrary to the usual progression of these meetings, however, Green Lantern is prodding at Captain Marvel to tell him about what it was like visiting ancient civilisations before they fell. 

It’s one of those weeks where the other members are being a bit more insistent on finding out more about the Captain. They’ve made their peace with the fact that they’re not going to get much in terms of a civilian life out of him, but every single member of the League (with the exception of maybe Martian Manhunter) is invariably nosy, which obviously leads to their more mysterious members coming under scrutiny every now and again. This also includes Danny on occasion, but Phantom has a brilliant out for interrogations in the form of making people uncomfortable about the fact that, even if he’s an ancient entity, he clearly died young. All he has to do is pull out some wistful bullshit about wishing he’d lived long enough to experience mortal romance or something equally upsetting and he’s home-safe. 

The man across from him, however, taking the form of a very much full-grown adult, has no such excuse. 

“Come on, Captain, surely you can tell us something! I thought you were around for ancient Egypt?” Hal exclaims, leaning just slightly over the meeting table to scrutinise his colleague. The Captain is looking increasingly uncomfortable. 

“Of course I was!” Marvel agrees quickly, accompanied by a nod of the head that could almost be described as frantic. “Ancient Egypt was around for ages, probably couldn’t’ve missed all that if I tried! I wasn’t around for all that much of it though, I- uh, I caught the tail end of it- when Cleopatra was pharaoh, if I remember right- but I was… I was a little busy somewhere else during that, uh, era.”

Green Lantern raises an eyebrow behind the green domino mask. “Busy? Busy doing what?”

“Well-“

The Captain is making a very particular face, the kind that Danny imagines he himself makes when he’s scrambling for any reasonable excuse to get out of the hole he’s dug himself into by lying. And Danny looks at him from across the table, the man catching his eyes with a look he can only describe as odd and desperate, and he makes a decision. 

“That was around the time all those conferences were being held to sort out the mess between the newly-formed undead societies and the natural ghosts, right? There was some involvement with living mages, if I recall correctly; I’m sure I saw you at one of those.”

In terms of lies he could’ve told, he figures this one is pretty low-risk. There were a lot of diplomatic meetings held between natural ghosts and the ones existing post-mortem when proper civilisations first came about and people from them started dying, after all (though he knows for fact the living weren’t involved in any way), so it’s not like he’s pulling it out of his ass. If he’s wrong about the Captain and the man admits he doesn’t have a clue what Danny’s talking about, then he can just say it must have been a realms-exclusive thing- hard to remember the finer details when it was all so long ago- and they’ll be none the wiser. 

But if he’s right, and he’s really beginning to think he is, then-

Sure enough, the man across from him nods vigorously, clicking his fingers together as if his memory’s just been jogged. “Right!” He chirps, sending Danny a brazen smile. “I don’t know how I forgot about those! Man, those conferences dragged on, didn’t they?”

Bingo. 

“Don’t even worry about it- I honestly would’ve thought the first ones were around the revolution at the end of the Qin dynasty in China if you hadn’t reminded me- my memory was way off. Speaking of that though, have you spoken to Pandora since? I figured you two would get along pretty well, but I know there wasn’t much time for small talk and dimension hopping wasn’t half as easy as it is now.”

Captain Marvel shakes his head with pursed lips. “Can’t say I have; not a lot of free time between everything, like you said. Would love to be introduced properly though!”

“Well, I did say I would- couple thousand years later than I thought it’d be, but better late than never.”

The tension easing from Marvel’s shoulders is probably obvious to everyone in the room. Superman looks to the both of them curiously. “You never mentioned knowing each other?” The Kryptonian questions. Phantom laughs the way he sees his mom do during those weird adult get-togethers. 

“Oh, we’ve crossed paths a lot,” He declares with a wave of his hand, brushing the notion to the side, catching the gaze of the Captain in his peripheral even as he keeps his eyes on the other superhero. “Can’t say we had the opportunity to get to know each other properly between it all, though. Relations between the magic living and the restless dead have always been a little… fraught. I was just planning to keep things professional on my end unless the Captain wanted to seek a friendship outside of work since I wasn’t sure how appreciated it would be, especially given how much fuss ghosts have been giving the mortal plane recently.”

Marvel’s laugh mimics his own. “That’s what I was thinking! I guess no amount of time can time will change how weird it can be trying to made work friends.”

-

Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly), Captain Marvel is waiting outside the hall for him when the meeting is adjourned and each member of the League goes their separate ways. Wordlessly, Danny follows him deeper into the Watchtower, floating behind before phasing them both into one of the locked rooms everyone knows there’s no cameras in, for the sake of being allowed confidential discussions in at least one area of the place- when approved, of course, but these walls don’t hold Phantom just yet, given that the ghost-proofing paint doesn’t quite stick over the lead-lining. 

“So.” Danny starts, when they’re both inside the office and the silence begins to creep thick into the air. 

Captain Marvel looks nervous. “So.”

“You weren’t at those conferences.”

“No, I wasn’t.” It seems almost painful for him to admit, hands flicking slightly like he wants to fidget with them but doesn’t want to be caught doing it. “I’m grateful you, uh, that you said I was there- thank you, Phantom- but why’d you cover for me?”

For the first time today, and maybe even the first time in the Watchtower, Danny levers himself down from the air, putting both feet on the ground. He hopes beyond hoping his face comes across sincere. “Because I wasn’t there either.” He admits gently, watching for a response. 

“I- what?” The man doesn’t appear to know what he’s meant to say. Well, time to rip the bandaid off. 

“Captain, you’ve not been around for six thousand, have you? I’m willing to bet you haven’t even been around for 18.” The reaction is immediate. Marvel’s eyes widen, pupils shrinking with alarm, arms coming up as if in defence as he splutters some kind of excuse, and Danny interrupts before he can spiral too hard. “Dude, don’t worry. I seriously won’t tell anyone if you are- I’m not a snitch.”

The Captain’s expression looks utterly lost. “Why?”

Danny thinks it’s probably best to just bite the bullet here. He stands still as the transformation washes over him, bright silver-blue rings parsing over his form, exchanging gravity-defying white hair for scraggly black, hazmat for jeans and a sweater, and Lazarus-green eyes for a gentler blue. When the light finally dissipates, he gives the Captain a second just to process, before sending him a wry grin.

“Hi, Captain Marvel, I’m Phantom- otherwise known as Danny Fenton- Ambassador for the Infinite Realms and sixteen year-old half-human-half-ghost boy.”

The other hero stands still for a long, long moment, mute with shock, before muttering a quiet ‘Shazam’ and allowing the room to fill with the sudden crackle of a lightning bolt. Where the hulking form of Captain Marvel once stood, a boy is left in his place- eyes and hair the same, if a little less put together- but only just coming up to Danny’s shoulder, wearing clothes that have clearly seen a few years go by. If Danny had to guess, he looks about eleven or twelve

“Hi, Phantom,” He says, a little quieter but with more confidence than he’d had before, staring him resolutely in the eyes. “I’m Captain Marvel- also Billy Batson- champion of magic and twelve year-old and world’s mightiest mortal.”

Danny cannot resist reaching over to ruffle the kid’s hair. “Amazing to meet you,” He beams. “And if anyone asks, we’ve known each other since the Early Dynastic period of Egypt and are in no way human or related to any living humans. You good with that?”

Billy looks up at him with a gap in his teeth and mischief in his eyes. 

“Phantom, I am more than okay with that.”

[kobol1]

Kobol’s masterlist

Infinite Realms Green Lantern Au

Infinite Realms Green Lantern Chapters

Chapter one

IRGL one shots

Green Lantern Hal meets Jazz and Danny

Dan and Danny on Oa

Dan and Green Lantern Jazz

Danny and the Green Lantern Ring

A message for Green Lantern Jazz

Infinite Realms Green Lantern Vakta Coyotek audio log

Infinite Realms Green Lantern Phantom audio log

A very rough draft of chapter one

Kobol's ramblings

Headcanons, Oneshots, Au's, and other posts.

Danyal, Danny and Phantom

Mother's Day cards

Halfa siblings Au

Ghost purring

Danny is a clone of Jazz

Danny is a clone of Jazz mother's day edition

Maddie clone's Jazz and summons ClockWork for help

Danny likes to cronch

magical girl transformation

magical girl transformation 2 electric boogaloo

Danny Phantom Resident Evil Crossover plot points.

Danny and Dan's fun bonding activity.

Nightmares and the big sisters who chase them away

Writing prompt replies

Short DPXDC Prompts #434

Short DPXDC Prompts #411

Ghost King Jazz

What cursed DPXDC ship are you? Uquiz

Favorite prompts

Answers to Asks from my inbox

Lantern rings and the Ring of Rage

Halfa-siblings and the Ghost King

Fenton's and half-ghosts

Blob Ghosts Infinite Realms and Human Realm.

[gilbirda]

I am currently FULL of RAGE!!!!

Do you have any Anger Management prompts in your brain that could make me feel better?

If not that is okay

I enjoy your content!

Hello!!!! Have you taken a look at the amazing asks I've gotten before? People do really come up with great ideas!

Random posts ideas:

Jason helping Jazz fix her car and giving her his number

I did a bit of Genderbent Anger Management! Could be interesting to go ham with genderbent

Soft Anger Management headcanons

How they react to each other being angry or sad

Jazz's and Jason's love language headcanons

Submission - Jason drinks Jazz's "kale" ectoplasm shake

Submission - Jazz and Jason cause and interdimensional political incident by dating

Would Jason and Jazz have children? Ft. a whole ass ficlet in the ask

Old Man Jason and tech impaired Jazz are a match made in heaven

Tall!Jazz and crime lord Red Hood are very like Morticia and Gomez Addams and have a healthy sex life

Prompt: Jazz makes cookies that taste weird and gives them to Jason's goons. They suspect the cookies are poisoned

Submission - King Regent Jason

---

Asks:

Jason working part time as a chef and knowing what the cute Arkham doctor always orders

Green Lantern!Jazz x Crime Boss!Jason

Vlad&Bruce and Danny&Dick try to set Jason and Jazz up. It goes horribly wrong

Enemies to lovers Anger Management: Take 1 and Take 2

Angst Anger Management! With stellar mention to my Evil!Jazz snippet

Anger Management adopts a kid (this is from where my fic "Family" was spawned, but the idea can go anywhere)

Good Cop!Red Hood and Bad Cop!Jazz

Danny dies and Jazz hired Red Hood to help her avenge her brother - inspired my fic Deal

Jason meets alternate versions of his girlfriend (Krossan's Hunter!Jazz, Evil!Ghost Queen!Jazz, Mortified!Jazz, Halfa!Jazz)

Jazz is hurt and VERY liminal and Red Hood sees her jump from a window unscathed

Jazz is very liminal and is captured by the GIW, the Outlaws come to her rescue???

Ember comes to Gotham and Red Hood is smitten with Jazz. She has to deal with him, with the bats being suspicious of her and with Ember messing around

Jazz becomes a Indiana Jones kind of adventurer retrieving ghostly artifacts. One adventure makes her cross paths with the Outlaws.

Short ficlet of Anger Management wedding

Jazz (and Dani) go in the Ghost King's place to Aquaman's birthday party and the Batfam is there. Shenanigans ensue.

Jason ends up betrothed to the Princess of the Ghosts by accident

Jason is sent to Amity Park by Talia, framed for the Drs Fenton's disappearances and then he imprints on Jazz

Jazz and Dan for a new Outlaws team with Red Hood. Dan redemption with a side of Anger Management.

Jazz and Jason childhood friends, they met in summer camp

Neighbors Jazz and Jason meet cute

Social worker Jazz protecting children in Crime Alley

----

More random ideas:

Regency era AU

Coffee shop AU (the barista is Jason and her order is super caffeinated and with so little sugar he is worried the girl's taste buds are broken)

Necromancer!Jazz is Jason's neighbor. She is needed for something by the JLA and Jason is set to convince her to help

Sick fic! Jason mother hens sick Jazz. She does the same for him when he gets sick. (thanks Impy for the idea!)

----

At the moment I don't have more but this works as a masterpost now that I think about it! Will add more when more people comes to me with fire ideas or I get more plot bunnies I can't write!

I hope this helps and you can discuss this ship with me whenever you want!!! I love them so much (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

[l4p1z---d]

Green Lantern Jazz saves Jason

[thewritingginger]

Birthday Surprise

Word count: 1850

Pairing: Satan x Fem! Reader

Warning(s): Fluff, Pet Name (Kitten)

A/N: This isn’t technically a Halloween prompt but it does have some elements to it. But either way it’s one of my babes Birthday so I write.  And it’s in October so ... 🎊 And this is my 100th post on this blog!  🎊

Enjoy ~

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Sighing in relief, you stand back. Looking up at your work of hanging the birthday banner - that took way too long to put up-. The black and orange letters still slightly crooked, you wave your hand dismissively at the finicky paper. ‘Whatever. He’s just gonna have to deal with a wonky banner!’ You think to yourself as you make sure the table has everything it needs.

On the round table in the kitchen rests a small square cake you had made. Frosted in jet black, contrasted with green lettering scrolling “Happy Birthday Satan!” across the surface punctuated with a little messy heart. And last but not least, a couple small presents you have gotten him.

Happy with your work you go to sit down on a cozy chair by the fireplace. Enjoying the little human world cottage you and Satan decided to rent for a few months to get away for some quality time. It’s the perfect size for just the two of you. It has little kitchen and dining area, a quaint living space complete with a fireplace and bookshelves, a bathroom with a nice bathtub, and a bedroom with a comfy bed. Everything a young couple would need in a space. Your wondering thoughts are broken by the sound of heavy boot steps on the porch. ‘He’s here!’ You jump up from your cozy spot and dash to the door to greet him.

Standing to the side, he opens the door. A shiver travels down your spine as a gust of cold air invades your warm sanctuary.

“Happy Birthday!” You exclaim, having already said that the moment he woke up, he laughs. “Thank you, Kitten.”  Pulling you in by your waist, he places a soft yet passionate kiss upon your lips. Entranced by his touch, you look up at him warmly. You see him crack a smile once again but this time accompanied with a raised brow.

“What’s all this for?” He says confused, “Well cause it’s your birthday silly! Now come here.” You say, excitedly guiding him by his hand over to the little party area. Plopping him in one of the wooden chairs at the table he looks at the cake and laughs a bit. “What are you laughing at?” you ask playfully-stern. Making him chuckle more, “It’s nothing I’m just admiring the cake you made.” “Yeah, you better be.” your words punctuated with a soft flick of your fingers to his head. Your actions cause him to grab your wrist at lightning speed, gently pulling you down to hover over his back. “Watch it.” He warns with a chased kiss to your cheek. You giggle as you stand back up.

“Ok birthday boy, time for the festivities to begin!” Your words make him sigh an amused ‘oh, here we go.’ “Yes, here we go!” you announce as you bestow upon him a ridiculous sash that in bold letters writes, “B I R T H D A Y  B O Y”. “Oh, Y/~” cutting him off before he can convince you from putting him through this, you shush him. “Oh babyy, we haven’t even gotten to the best part yet.” you whine, giving him puppy eyes. He sighs once again, “Fine~” he shakes his head at how a little human like you can make him bend at your will. Giggling with joy you quickly kiss his cheek as you grab the gold plastic crown on the other side on the table. Placing it on his head, you stand back. Covering your mouth to contain your laughter. Knowing that if you laugh too hard he might just take it off. “Ya’ happy now?” he asks, trying to seem upset. Seeing through his act you walk over and sit on his lap. Kissing his lips like he did before, “Yes. Very!” you smile.

After about an hour of talking, you and Satan decided to begin making dinner. Taking off the stupid crown he began prepping the food as you worked on clearing the table. After fixing the table for dinner you went over to the living room to turn on some music. Soft jazzy notes begin flowing through the air, bringing a gentle sway to your walk. Sitting on the table is two glasses of wine Satan had poured for the both of you. He pulls out your chair a bit, “Why thank you kind sir.” You say with a slight accent. “The pleasure is all mine.” He chortles back. “Not that I’m complaining, but aren’t I supposed to be giving you special treatment?” you ask. “Well if you want, I can get up and let you pull my chair out for me.” He says cheekily as he takes a sip of his wine. “Ha ha, very funny.” You sass back crinkling your nose.  

Sitting on either side of the small table, the lights are dimmed, jazz playing in a low hum. Enjoying conversation over a pasta dinner, everything is great. But the night isn’t over yet.

“So how about we do cake and then presents.” You say cheerfully. He responds with a soft chuckle. After cleaning up the mess from dinner, you plant Satan back into his chair as you go to light the candles. Once lit, you turn around, cake in hand as you begin to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to him. All he can do is just smile at you and your human traditions you bring him into. 

“🎶Happy Birthday to yooou.🎶 Ok now make a wish!” You cheer. He blows out the candles as you clap, “Yay. Now time for your presents!”

Satan can’t help but notice how you’ve been very energetic and excitable through out the evening. “Why are you so quick to do everything? You know you don't have to jump around for me.” He leans back in his chair, amused. “What, your girlfriend can’t be excited and want to give you a good birthday?” You retort. “Ok, fine. Go ahead and jump around for me then.” He laughs.

The cake pushed to the side, you place the 3 small, cutely wrapped presents in front of Satan. Sitting next to him, chin resting in your palm you obverse him as he begins to unwrap his gifts.

After all have been unwrapped, a small pile of paper on the floor. In front of him lies an Incantation book he has had his eye on for a while, a few nice bookmarks and a bag of his favorite human world coffee. “Thank you so much for all of this Kitten, even though it was unnecessary.” He says as he leans over to kiss you. “Nonsense, I wanted to get you these.” Getting up to throw away the wrapping paper scraps, you turn around as if you just remembered something. “Oh, I almost forgot. I have one more gift for you.” You say as you dash away. Before Satan can respond you were already going up the stairs.

You return with a little black present box with a emerald green ribbon tied in a nice bow. Standing next to him you place it in front of him. Eagerly waiting for him to open it, he gives you a suspicious look. “Should I be nervous to open this?” He asks jokingly, causing you to swat his shoulder. “Ok, ok.” He laughs. Pulling the tail of the ribbon, undoing the bow. He opens the box and pulls out a little orange onesie with a jack-o’-lantern face printed on it. Satan is puzzled for a moment till a thought hits him in the face..

Looking up at you, then to the fabric in his hand, then back to you. “Ar- are you pregnant?” He asks, stunned. “Yeah…” you say with a shy smile.

He just sits there. Silently. Just staring at you. Only making you more anxious as you bite your lips.

“Hmm” He hums. Sitting back, arms crossed.  “I thought you smelled different.” His words nonchalant. You finally burst. “What do you mean, ‘I thought you smelled different’?” You ask. “That’s all you have to say?” Looking at him surprised, unsure if maybe the situation hadn’t fully sunk in for him.

“Well yeah, for the last month or so your smell had changed a bit but I didn’t put much thought into it.”  “So... you’re not mad?” You ask, testing the waters. His gaze softens a bit. Realizing what you’ve been feeling in the moments leading up to this. Turning his chair to face you, he pulls you closer to him by your waist. Hands resting on your hips. Looking up at you he speaks, “Y/n, why would you think I'd be mad?” His brows furrowed. You sigh. “Well because this wasn’t planned. And I mean we have talked about kids once, but I wasn’t sure how you would react.” Your honesty makes him think for a moment. “True, we have only talked about it once, and yes this certainly wasn’t planned. But if you remember in that conversation, I told you that you were the only woman I’ve seen myself having children with.” Hearing him say those words again makes your heart flutter the same it did that day.

His eyes travel down your body, landing on your tummy. “And besides when we first met, I never expected you would change my life the way you did. It’s only fitting that this would be a surprise as well.” He says, lightly caressing your sides.

Combing your fingers through his blonde locks, you can’t help but let out a small laugh. “I guess you’re right, but now what? I mean has a human and a demon ever done this?” You ask.

“Well It is possible that it has happened once before but I haven’t read anything too in depth about human-demon relationships.” He says.

Standing up, Satan looks down at you. His eyes warm, lips beginning to curve slightly. Bringing a large hand to rake through your hair, resting it on your cheek. Turning your sight up to his. He speaks again, “But whether or not this has been seen before is irrelevant. It’s happening now and I’m sure it’ll be fine. Now, I can’t promise that it will be easy but what I can promise you is that I will be here for you every step of the way. And not just you...” He says, gazing down at your gifted womb. 

“I promise to be there for you too.” 

 His words, almost a whisper like they weren’t yours to hear. You smile at the demon's gentleness. His loving eyes returning the favor, basking you in a calming warmth. Reassuring you that everything will be fine with him by your side.

“Why don’t we cut your cake now.” you state with a smile. “I see the pregnancy cravings are already in full swing.” You swat him at his joking words. “Watch it.” you playfully say as you begin to cut the cake. Wrapping his strong arms around your waist, his hands resting on your belly. “As I suspected, this is going to be fun.” his words punctuated with a soft kiss on your shoulder.

Yes it will be.

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AHH I hope you enjoyed this! 

I knew I want to write a little something for is birthday and I am really soft for Daddy Satan and I hope you are too :3 

But who doesn’t love soft dad AUs!?!? 

(P.S. I was tired while editing this so forgive me for any odd occurrences  😅)

💛 ~

[deadbiwrites]

PROMPTS!! I want a pumpkin picking date with Kara pouting a lot bec Lena said they can’t just casually take the 800lbs pumpkin home. Bonus points if Lena caves and ends up paying some guy enough money to buy it and supergirl flies it back to their apartment to carve it. Maybe it can’t fit through the door?? I’m not sure.

(Oh my WORD, it took forever and a day to get this to post but I did it, dammit! @valkyrieskwad , this one's for you! Cross-posting it on Ao3!!)

"You want to what?"

Kara grins and bounces in place, totally unperturbed by Lena's decided lack of enthusiasm. "Pumpkin picking! There's a patch, like, an hour away. It's so cute, I follow them on Instagram, and everyone looks like they're having so much fun in the pictures! It's almost Halloween, too, so we need to go soon or all the good ones will be gone."

"The good ones…?"

"Pumpkins,  Lena! Pumpkins! C'mon, please?"

"Isn't this exactly the sort of thing Alex makes fun of people for? Being basic?"

"Alex doesn't know what fun is if there aren't guns involved, so who cares? Please, babe? Be basic with me!"

Lena arches a brow at her, already caving under the weight of her girlfriend's boundless enthusiasm and the rare (and doubtlessly strategic) use of 'babe'. "Is it a muddy field?" she asks suspiciously. 

"Uh… wear boots?" Kara tries, still smiling. "We can take the baby. He'd love it, and we need to work on socializing him, right?"

Lena turns her attention to the little white puppy snoozing on her lap, running a hand over his back absently. "I mean, yes, we do, but a farm?"

Kara's affronted, or at least playing at it. "Uh, I halfway grew up on a farm, thank you."

"And look what's happened because of it."

Kara laughs, shaking her head, somehow charmed even though Lena knows that she's being a brat about this whole thing. "Why do you hate pumpkin picking?"

"I don't like doing things unless I'm already good at them."

Kara scoffs at this. "You can't be bad at picking pumpkins, Lena. It's just like when you were a kid."

The long stretch of silence at this is telling. 

"Lena," Kara says slowly, "have- have you ever been to a pumpkin patch?"

"I buy pumpkin at the store in a can, like a regular person. Half the work, half the price."

"But you can't carve a can of pumpkin puree!"

More silence. Krypto wakes up, shakes his whole roly-poly little body, and lays back down for another nap, snuffling as Lena rubs between his ears.

"Lena. Please tell me you've carved a pumpkin."

"I- I've seen people do it, so-"

"Oh my GOD."

"Kara-"

"What- what did you do at Halloween? No pumpkins! That's like half the fun, aside from all the candy and costumes, and…" Horror spreads across her face almost as fast as a creeping red flush spreads over Lena's. "Honey. Sweetie. Baby. Please, please tell me that your childhood included just one iteration of a normal American Halloween…?"

"Define normal..."

Kara jumps up from the couch, fuming. "I'm gonna punch your mom in the boob. Is it Tuesday?  They do visits at the prison on Tuesdays, right? Because, like, I know she's in prison, repaying her debt to society,  or whatever, but I'm still gonna go punch her in the boob."

Lena grabs Kara's hand, tugging her to a halt. "Alright, first of all, I appreciate and share the sentiment. Second, please never put your hands anywhere near my mother's boobs. Third, we're gonna stop talking about my mother's boobs, forever. Starting now."

"That's just… why does she suck so bad. Like, so, so badly, she sucks as a person. So bad. Badly sucks."

"Okay, yeah, you're doing that thing where you're so mad you make word puzzles, so I need you to sit down and hold this puppy." Lena lifts Krypto (who growls his fiercest growl and bites her fingers for disrupting his 18th nap of the day) and pushes him into Kara's arms, gratified when she instantly melts, just a little. "Better?"

"Yeah." She heaves a sigh and drops onto the couch beside Lena once more. "Look, if you really don't want to, we don't have to. But it is fun, and it is a disgustingly cute couple-y thing to do, which I know you love even if you pretend you don't."

Lena scoffs. "Prove it."

"You drag me into every photobooth you see and have a collection of all the photos in your desk at work."

Lena flushes a little more, knowing that she's been caught. "It's fun?" she asks quietly, spinning her chunky silver ring around and around on her finger.

"So fun. And it's a good excuse to get out of the city for the day." Kara scoots close, tipping her head so it knocks lightly against Lena's. "Instead of beating up your mom, what if we just make sure you get to do all the stuff you missed, like pumpkin patches and carving Jack-o-lanterns, and all that jazz?"

Lena considers this. "So, we're doing this at least partly to spite my mother?"

Kara beams at her. "Yep! You're gonna get all muddy doing something frivolous just because it's fun. She'd hate it."

"When are we going?"

It's a few days later that they're piled into a borrowed pick-up truck and coasting out of the city in the early morning. Lena has relented the wheel, for once, conceding that she hates driving outside the city and she has no idea where they're going. At least Kara was right about one thing- Krypto is already having a blast, trying his best to stick his entire upper body out the window, and yipping in annoyance when Lena continuously pulls him back into the cab.

One benefit, though, is Kara in what she calls her 'farm clothes', a heretofore undiscovered genre that involves a sturdy and well-loved pair of leather boots, what is clearly a men's flannel shirt tucked into a pair of faded jeans secured with a heavy leather belt, and a goddamn trucker hat.

Lena's really annoyed at how much this look is working for Kara.

Totally annoyed. No other emotion. Or like, squirmy feelings about it in general.

None at all.

"... and of course we'll get some breakfast- hot cider and doughnuts sound good to you?"

Lena blinks, realizes that Kara's been chattering this whole time. "What was that?"

"I asked how you feel about getting some breakfast. You okay? You're kinda spacey today."

"Says the girl from space," Lena snarks.

Kara rolls her eyes, amused. "That joke was only funny the first hundred times."

"Still makes me laugh."

"Fine, fine. But you're good? 'Cause I can hear you thinking, over there."

"I'm good, I just… is it stupid that I'm nervous?"

Kara takes her hand and gives it a squeeze. "Not at all. But you don't need to be nervous or anxious, because it's fun. Okay?"

Lena nods. "Okay." She shifts a bit on the old-school bench seat in the truck. "Why did we borrow this thing, again? My cars are a lot more comfortable."

"Well, Frank would yell at me if I got mud all over one of your cars." 

Lena snorts. "He would not, he loves you."

"And, this way, we can get a big one." There's an almost manic gleam in Kara's eyes that's distinctly disturbing. 

Lena chooses not to ask questions. 

It is not a muddy field. 

The dirt road they pull onto doesn't look all that promising at first, but the pumpkin patch itself is pretty, in a rustic, outdoorsy sort of way. Even early in the day there's a decent crowd here, and Kara grins at the sight of the picturesque red barn a ways away cheerfully advertising cider and doughnuts inside. "Nice! I hoped they'd still be doing the cider and stuff!" She hops out of the truck and rounds the front to help Lena down- whoever this behemoth belongs to had installed a lift-kit to it, and it's a fair few feet to the ground.

"I thought this was a pumpkin patch?"

"Well, yeah, but there's an orchard next door or something, so they have apples and pumpkins. And pears, apparently. Ha! A-PEAR-ently! I'm funny," Kara cackles, settling her hands on Lena's hips.

"You're lucky you're so cute," Lena snorts and scoops Krypto up, bracing a hand on Kara's shoulder as she's lifted easily out of the truck and onto the ground. "But you being able to just pick me up like that? Always a turn-on."

Kara laughs, loud and surprised as a flush creeps up her neck. "Good to know."

Lena smirks and sets Krypto onto the ground, and their day begins.

"So," Lena drawls, chewing an admittedly delicious cinnamon cider doughnut, "what constitutes a good pumpkin?"

"Well, obviously,  you don't want a squishy one."

"Obviously."

"Tiny ones are cute, but it's really hard to carve them."

"Noted."

"Other than that, it's all personal preference. I say go big or go home, Alex likes the really round ones, Eliza likes hers to be smooth, and Jeremiah loved ugly pumpkins."

"Ugly pumpkins...?"

"Oh, yeah, like, the weirder and bumpier the better. He was really good at carving them, so he could do, like, super cool faces and stuff. He made a witch one time that was really creepy."

Lena pushes up onto her toes to plant a kiss on Kara's cheek. "He sounds like a fun dad."

Kara smiles a little sadly. "He was." 

Sensing a rapid downshift in mood, Lena resolves to perk the fuck up. "So! We did doughnuts for breakfast- which I strongly suspect was your real motivation for this little venture…"

Kara's mouth drops open in shock,  but her eyes are sparkling with humor. "I would never!"

"Sure. So, as long as the pumpkin isn't soft, it's fair game?"

"Yup! Go nuts! I couldn't get a pumpkin last year, because of that guy from Yavin IV, I'm gonna get a big one this year to make up for it."

Lena fixes her with a look. "Not too big, though, right?"

Kara smiles innocently, letting Krypto tug her a pace or two ahead. "Of course not."

Lena sighs. 

Kara really is a terrible liar.

"Lena."

Upon seeing what's caught her attention,  Lena nearly drops her own perfectly round pumpkin. "No. Under no circumstances are we getting that one."

Kara's starry-eyed as she stares up at the truly gargantuan squash before her. "It's beautiful."

Lena strongly disagrees- this pumpkin is decidedly ugly, misshapen and lumpy and a shade that's not quite orange or green, but a rather sickly combination of both.

But what it lacks in general aesthetic appeal, it more than makes up for in sheer size. It's wider than Lena is tall, likely taller than she is, too, and is, in general, what Winn would call 'a threateningly large vegetable'. It's on a little platform, a plaque proudly boasting that it'd won some award or other at the state fair a week or so ago. And also its weight:

One thousand two hundred eighteen pounds. 

Lena tries for reason. "Kara. Darling. Love of my life. This… thing won a prize. They bred it especially to be giant. There is absolutely no way they're going to sell it to two city-slickers."

And then it happens. After almost a year of dating, and several years of friendship, Lena is well aware of Kara's pout, and especially aware of her own susceptibility to it. She can almost sense when it's about to happen, these days, and she senses it coming now, tries to steal herself against it.

But it's no use. Kara, she could maybe handle. Maybe. But when she bends and scoops up their three-month old puppy to help her pout, Lena is powerless against the assault.

"Alright, that was unnecessary," she complains. "No using our son like that. He doesn't even know why he's pouting."

"But is it working?" Kara asks, hiding her face behind Krypto's and talking in the goofy voice she reserves for narrating his thoughts.

Lena groans, because yes, of course it's fucking working. "No. Kara, they worked hard to make that... gourd. Can't you get another one?"

"I mean, I can," she agrees, peeking over Krypto's head so just her eyes show. "But think about how awesome that's gonna look when I carve it."

Lena sighs. "Kara,  they're using it as a draw to get people to come here."

"They're making it like a display in a zoo. People just come and point at it! We can give it a loving home!"

Lena arches a brow. "You literally just said that you want to cut it open, scoop out its insides, and carve it.."

"Well, yeah, but like, lovingly."

Lena snorts, knowing she's lost. "Fine! Fine, we can go ask."

Kara cheers, hopping a bit in excitement and darting forward to press her lips to Lena's in a silly, smiley kiss.

As predicted, the farmer is initially reluctant to sell his prize pumpkin. "It's not the money," he clarifies hastily when Lena doubles her offer for the damn stupid pumpkin. "I need the seeds, to plant next year. I won big at the fair this year, and with those I'd have a hell of an advantage next season. You understand?"

"What if we save the seeds and bring them to you?" Kara offers earnestly. "I can drive them out whenever."

The farmer looks skeptical at this, but Kara's offer doesn't waver under his glare, and he sighs, reaching out to shake Lena's hand and seal the deal. "Fine. Only because your girl is cute."

Lena huffs out a laugh, and Kara positively beams at him. "Thanks so much!"

"But Jake has the tractor out in the maze right now, won't be back for an hour or so to move it for ya."

Kara's grin only widens. "Don't worry, I called a friend for help moving it."

The farmer shrugs, and Lena groans, knowing that one spectacle at the pumpkin patch is about to be replaced by another. 

Lena hands the farmer his due for his prize pumpkin, and he turns away before she calls out, catching his attention.

"Sorry, I almost forgot, how much for this one?"

He eyes the normal-sized, perfect pumpkin in Lena's arms and his mouth quirks up in a grin. "For you? On the house."

Supergirl makes a very showy entrance, to the delight of most in attendance (the exceptions being a 74-year old man who thinks anyone who flies should have to get a license,  and her girlfriend who is rolling her eyes fondly and wrestling to keep their puppy from revealing her secret identity), landing with a flourish. She smiles brightly at the crowd waving and laughing, high-fiving anyone who offers before shouldering the massive gourd. "Sorry, guys, I'm on a very important mission. Support local farms!" 

Lena snorts, loudly, and Supergirl takes off into the air as her ears turn a little pink. 

The farmer sidles up to Lena at the back of the crowd, looking a little star-struck. "Wow."

Lena grins, dropping a kiss to Krypto's nose and blowing in his face when he nips at her chin. "Yeah," she agrees. "Wow about sums it up."

The truck rides notably lower on the trip back, the massive pumpkin weighing down the truck bed probably more than is entirely safe.

"So, how was your first trip to the pumpkin patch?" Kara asks with a grin.

"I hated it," Lena deadpans, cradling Krypto in one arm and her pumpkin in the other. On the seat between them are three dozen doughnuts,  four gallons of cider, and three bottles of hard cider the farmer's wife had slipped into their bags with a wink.

Overall, it's been a very pleasant experience. 

"Oh yeah?"

"Absolutely awful. Hated everything."

"What was the worst part?"

Lena reaches over, grabbing Kara's hand and threading their fingers together. "Spending it with you."

Kara clicks her tongue, shakes her head. "Yeah, that sounds awful. I'm a pain in the butt."

"Yeah. You're kinda cute, though, so I guess it's fine."

Kara chuckles, brings their clasped hands to her mouth and kisses Lena's knuckles. "Good news for me."

Lena smiles, turning her attention back to the window and watching as fields fairly fly by, the low sound of Kara singing in the background making this almost unbearably perfect. 

Almost.

"Um… so, funny story…"

Lena arches a brow expectantly, and Kara scuffs her red boots on the floor. "Oh?"

"Yeah. So, the thing is, I tried everything, with the pumpkin, and… it won't fit through the door. None of the doors. Or any of the windows…"

Lena bonds at the waist and laughs until she cries.

That year starts a long-running and much beloved tradition, wherein a truly massive and skillfully-carved pumpkin appears in L-Corp's opulent lobby the first weekend of every October. It later years, it's joined by other, smaller ones, dozens, carved by the children of employees, including those of the CEO herself. 

It's a family tradition, after all.

[kimabutch]

JLCR: instrumental track edition

Just hit another milestone on the JLCR playlist (1250 songs!) so I’m doing another mini-playlist, this time focussing on instrumental songs for locations and specific scenes. 

I’ve organized the playlist by campaign and then by order within the campaign. Because Critical Role gives us stunning scenes every single episode, I’ve only been able to include a fraction of my favourites, usually chosen because I had a specific song in mind. I’ve also quoted parts of Matt’s descriptions, so that this is also an ode to his beautiful narration.

This playlist has got a little bit of everything: folk/trad, lo-fi beats, post-rock, soundtrack, and classical. I hope you enjoy!

Campaign 1

Whitestone, Briarwood Arc

The Night King, Ramin Djawadi (from Game of Thrones, Season 8)

“As you get close enough to start scanning over details, you can see that a lot of the buildings appear to be closed or empty. There are people working in the fields. As you make your way to the centre of the town, there is a town square. There is a tree there, a very large, old tree that is twisted, with all these various gnarled branches that reach out. You recall Desmond mentioning something called the Sun Tree that is the centrepiece of this area. And you get a view enough of the tree to see that there are eight humanoid bodies of varying ages swinging from it.” (e28)

Bolts of lightning are coming down from the storm in the distance, too, as the thunderstorm itself is reaching more of a fervoured pace, the rain itself getting harder and harder on you guys. So, with that, you can see, looking over your shoulder on the other side of this wall another bit of skeletal horde is starting to come down one of the nearby intersections. (e32)

Okay, okay, I know this is a little too on-point: this song was literally written about fighting an undead army in and around a castle. But when I listen to this song and close my eyes, I can imagine a dozen scenes from the Briarwood arc, played out perfectly in my head. And Ramin Djawadi is just a fantastic composer.

The Flute Duels in The Diamond Nest

The Ballroom Set, Jean-Michel Veillon

“So you pull out your flute and other gnomish girl with her flute as well gives you a look, and you guys start weaving together this flute duel, almost like Flight of the Bumblebees but two conflicting sides. As you guys begin to build this perpetual symphony of — it’s almost jazz flute almost in this improvisational feel to it. The drums build, you can see Dr. Dranzel is tapping his foot to it and he gets this really fast fiddle sound out of a classic violin, the whole room begins to gather around and cheer. [...] 

Eyes locked, tapping your feet heavily against the actual wood to the table. The rhythmic pounding of your feet and the drums — because the entire room is now also slamming their tables in with it as the music builds and builds until eventually you both take one deep breath and go for that same sustained note a second time. She’s challenging you at the game she lost last time, and the two of you both swell into this cacophonous spray of music that hits this one final note.” (e37)

As a flute player of 14+ years with a strong interest in traditional music, I can fairly confidently say that a flute duel would be unlikely to end on a very long note, because flutes sound like shit when you start to lose air, which is usually after only a few seconds — flutes are the least air-efficient of all wind instruments, unless you can circular breathe, in which case it’s a moot point. 

That being said, I love this scene, and I’ve chosen a song by one of my favourite trad flutists for it, Jean-Michel Veillon. He’s a master of Breton and Irish flute, both of which contain improvisational elements that you can hear in this mind-numbingly fast piece. While it has none of Dr Dranzel’s fiddle in it, there’s only one flute, and it doesn’t end on a particularly long note, it’s definitely a crowd-pleaser that would both provide a distraction for a stealthing party and challenge a long-lost daughter to keep up. 

Pyrah, Destroyed

Study for Player Piano (II), Ólafur Arnalds

“Your vision crests the mountain and steps into the valley of broken, blackened shale to the ever-burning forest. As you come upon it, you recall where the Fire Ashari village was and where you were greeted before and given your trials. Where there is now nothing but sundered, broken wood, tents, destroyed bodies burned and charred and curled up in horrible ever-gasping pain. 

The forest itself is flattened from the inside out, like a blast from the centre of it just exploded outward, the trees all bent and snapped at the base, and in the centre, where there once was that small pool of molten lava that you created the portal through and stepped into the elemental plane, there is a large, ominous, flickering gash between the planes that is roughly 30 to 40 feet in width and height that is pulsing as fire and magma pours out of it. You can see wandering imps and elementals and various entities slowly peeking out and escaping and wandering throughout the mountain tops. From what you can see, there are no signs of any survivors.” (e40)

The entire Chroma Conclave attack is emotionally harrowing but Matt’s description of (and Marisha’s reaction to) Pyrah’s destruction just kills me. This piece gives off such a horrified, mournful mood to it, and the glittering piano throughout makes me think of falling ashes. 

Glintshore Island

Hydrological Story, Kishi Bashi (from the Fourth Phase)

“As you begin to grow closer to the island, you see, as it begins to come more into form, there is a singular mountain peak that’s shifted mostly to the western side. It’s not a super peak. It’s a gradual point. You can see a little bit of a brush-like detail of the jungle that you had heard mentioned before. He begins to bring you up towards the southern shore of the island. At this point of perspective, the sunlight that’s hitting the island is causing a glittery shift of thousands of points of light across the beach shoreline, deep into where the blackened jungle tree line is. It’s beautiful. It’s a very strange and awe-inspiring sight, to be such a small little forgotten part of the land and to look so pretty from this distance.

The closer you get, the beauty begins to fade as you see the black beaches. You can see the landscape is barren and broken, aside from the ashen grey and black jungle plants and trees that have been left there, dead, for an extended period of time. The mountain itself, the rock itself going from black to a ruddy red and brown colour. The sands themselves and the glass surface across the eastern shore that tends to reach out, almost like a mouth of a creature, is rough and varied in topography” (e67).

Glintshore has fascinated me from the moment I heard its description — what a setting for one of the most intense fights of all of campaign 1, and the arguable emotional climax of Percy’s character arc. I think this piece perfectly captures a sense of beauty, strangeness, menace, and anticipation. 

The Birth Heart

Aspen Trees, Danny Norbury

“As you enter the Birth Heart, it’s an archway of branches and trees that knit into each other and wrap around as you step in. You can see what looks like a heavy cluster of forest is really just an outside row of trees that are all intertwined. The inside is open with the occasional stalk of tree that blossoms up into the higher portion. [...] 

This is the centre of the Birth Heart. And within there are a number of lanterns that are hung from the branches all throughout that all have their own yellowish fairy glow within each point. They’re all through the inside at different levels. It’s just hundreds and hundreds of these yellow glowing lights that are hooked up into the boughs ahead. There are a number of people walking off the path, just through the soft mulch wood and dying pine soft floor of the canopy, all wearing similar robes of greens and yellows, golds and whites” (e84).

The description of the Birth Heart is among my favourites in all of Critical Role; if I had to live anywhere in Exandria, it would for sure be the Birth Heart (despite Ashley’s misgivings about what Senokir’s wife’s ashes might be doing to the place...) This song, for me, evokes the feeling of being surrounded by nature and totally at peace. 

Ioun’s Test

Harbinger, Mike Oldfield

“Clutching the Ioun stone, as you sing this song, the stone glows ever so faintly in your hand and you glance up and you can see about ten of the various spectral librarians that are wandering have stopped and they’re all looking at you. Seemingly temporarily distracted or entranced by the song. [...] As you continue to sing, with each beat, each name that’s mentioned that deals with the Calamity and the Chained Oblivion, you watch as their pace seems to quicken a bit, and then as the singing slows they begin to slow down again. [...] 

They continue to push at a brisk pace and you watch as other of the spectral librarians begin to gather into this group and is now a cluster of about 25 of them that are snaking around these bookcases and traveling at a pretty fair pace. Which once was walking pace, and then went to a jogging pace, they’re now darting through. And they’re leading you quickly away from the centre of the library where everyone else seems to be clustered. So the two of you are following and swooshing behind them, you’re going over and around bookcases. Some of the bookcases you see have giant holes in the centre and you can dart through and dive past. The speed is increasing to the point where the wind is starting to kick up in your hair and you’re amazed at the speed of these librarians and the fact that they’re being driven by your very song, and also the fact that you have no idea how far away the rest of your friends are in this library, and this library seems to just go on and on and on” (e105).

The imagery of Scanlan conducting the spectres with Mythcarver and his singing, desperately holding onto Vex as she maneuvers her way perfectly through eternal bookshelves — it’s just too much. I love it. This song feels celestial and ethereal, appropriate to Ioun’s realm, but conveys the excitement, urgency, and movement of the scene — with a large orchestral sound that surrounds you.

Whitestone’s Epilogue

Coronation March, Edward Elgar (performed by George Hurst & the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra)

Cassandra, as a note by the way. She’s had a few pretty difficult brushes with death and the experiences definitely left a mark on her. Within the year following the battle with Vecna, she begins to remind you of yourself at a very dark time. Recognizing that, you come to her and help pull her from a dangerous edge of lashing out at the place she’s worked so hard to build. You help her realize that this guilt she’s been holding as being a tool of manipulation, the times that she has been is not her fault, and used against the ones she loves. In that determination to no longer be a tool for others to use, she asks Vex to teach her and train her. To not just be the lady beacon of Whitestone, but also join in as one of its protectors” (e115).

This is among my favourite pieces of classical music ever. The opening theme — melancholic but stately — reminds me particularly of Cassandra. No matter how much time passes, the halls of Whitestone will always bring some memories of the years she was a captive in her own home. However, there is something of hope in it, too, and the transition into a major theme reminds me in particular of Vex and Percy’s devotion to their city, and of the healing that Cassandra and Percy might find together. Also big fancy balls. 

Campaign 2

The Evening Nip

Passage, linanthem 

“Eventually, you hear some voices and some laughter, and a clink of glasses. As you curve down, the light gets brighter from around the corner, until suddenly you look into a stone-set subterranean tavern. From floor to ceiling, it’s about 20 feet tall. You can see there are two balconies that overlook it from the left side, and one that’s barely visible around the corner, as the room opens up to the right of you.” (e13)

You can see in the far back right corner of the chamber there is a long, dark mahogany well-carved table. [...] Sitting feet crossed up on the table in a nice, long deep-blue coat, leather-gloved hands, light teal skin, jet-black hair that’s long, just past the shoulders, a widow’s peak in the centre, a bit of a dark goatee, male figure standing there, hands entwined and crossed, looking at you from across the way with a curious grin” (e14).

Shouldn’t the Evening Nip be playing medieval tavern music? Probably, but I think sleazy, jazzy beats fit the Gentleman perfectly. You can almost hear his skin dripping.

The Underground Laboratory

I Don’t Think About You Anymore But, I Don’t Think About You Anyless, Hungry Ghosts

“Each couple of splashing sounds that hit as the oars hit the water and the occasional crack of the water against the brook or a rock in the centre, you being to maneuver your way through this dark tunnel with just the low light that you’ve been applying. It gets colder and colder the further down the tunnel you go and while it is moist, you begin to see your breath just in general this low in the ground. [...]

The torchlight extends into the chamber, and you can see a little more now. The two side chambers are almost pill-shaped. They’re rounded at each side, and they’re enclosed, but open into the center chamber. At each of these rounded edges, as you step inside and glance to the right and left, you can see cage-like contraptions: iron domes that are very tight-knit, dark iron rusted metal. They’re on the edges of each side. You see load-bearing pillars in the center of the chamber to the right and left, and cold braziers behind those against the walls: little domed pieces of stone that once contained flame for light. Across the way you can see two tables with chairs, a bookcase” (e15).

This is the song that’s running through my head anytime the Mighty Nein are going to a remotely spooky place. And can’t you imagine some drips and metal bar squeaks superimposed over this track to make it the perfect spooky-underground-lab track?

The Blooming Grove 

Owl Song, Cosmo Sheldrake

“There is something unnatural, or at least magical, that maintains this little pocket of untouched paradise. There you can see small pools, bits of bog where the soft green and browns of compost fall into green, thick, algae-covered bits of water. You can see dozens and dozens of stone tablets, about a foot to two feet high, with bits of script across them, too far to see, that have partially fallen or leaning. [...] 

As the light passes between the small breaks in the tree canopies, the green comes to light with colour, numerous types of colour. A rainbow of flowers, of pigments you’ve never really seen before, begin to emerge as the light hits it. Nearly every inch of these gravesites contain a smattering scatter of rainbow colors across petal and stame.” (e28).

I have so much love in my heart for the Blooming Grove, and Caduceus’s introduction — it’s my favourite example of the trope that @night-filled-mountain so beautifully described once: "The tension breaks and everyone is so incredibly tender.” Their arrival, through thorns, to a paradise and a new ally, gave me a feeling of peace and relief that I’ve rarely felt in fiction. I think this song just really gets to the heart of the Blooming Grove: peaceful, though strange, and surrounded by mysterious circumstances.

The beaches of Nicodranus

another perspective, Idealism

“Looking past the afternoon sun at this vantage point especially, you can see it dancing across the distant horizon shore like hundreds of little glistening flecks of glass. The shore’s sound itself is very soothing as you approach and pull up your pants and take off your boots to begin to step into the soft sand. [...] 

As you guys gather your things, dusk has set in, and now the sky shifts from light blue to a deep blue and purple on the eastern side as the oranges, reds, yellows, and pinks begin to overtake the western side of the skyline” (e33).

“As you gather in the mid-afternoon here in Nicodranas, you walk your way towards the ocean side of the port, finding the lengths of the city that lead to the familiar beaches where you once had yourself a stroll, a soak and a battle with a crab. [...] Beautiful open sky. The warm sun hitting you up through your clothes. You can see now Yeza and Luke, both, marvelling at the sight before Luke just goes running off into the water” (e71).

Every time the Mighty Nein come to Nicodranas, I know we’re in for a treat with Matt’s descriptions. Their beach day marked a peaceful moment before the pirate arc, while their return before this current arc allowed them to breathe after Yasha... leaving, and for Nott to have some much-needed beach conversations. This peaceful lo-fi track evokes that same sense of calm and nostalgia that I get from those episodes, and in particular makes me think of, perhaps, a quiet moment between Nott and Yeza, watching a Nicodranas sunset. 

Darktow

Under Ceilidh Pressure, Coìg

“This island, unlike the jungle islands that you’ve come across and a vast majority of the Swavain Islands here off the Menagerie Coast, is mostly rock and cliff. In fact, from what you can see, most of this island from this perspective is jagged cliff face and probably a few hundred feet up is where the island’s even surface even begins. At the base around this cliff face you can see a scattered web of a shipyard, just tangled docks that maneuver around containing dozens and dozens of ships. Across that you see numerous torches that mark various intersections where they all meet, and built into the base of this cliff face, you see a number of buildings and windows, all slowly being lit as the night grows darker and darker. This mass of natural-looking, hive-like pirate city there stands before you. Welcome to Darktow” (e41).

You guys walk out into the cold night air. The heavy mist has fallen across Darktow and you can barely see beyond the outskirts of the city where the ocean begins. You can still hear the waters coming in against the rocks on the outside of the island, but you cannot actually see where the water connects. Beyond that, you can see the outline of the ship masts that are set at the end of the shipyard that are vanishing into the mist that surround you” (e42).

Wow, Darktow sure was cool — wouldn’t it have been nice if they’d stayed there for more than 24 hours? Either way, though, this Cape Breton folk band’s song gives me strong pirate-town-at-night vibes, and the part where it picks up in the middle reminds me especially of their chaotic heist on the boat.

Felderwin

Elégie in C Minor, Gabriel Fauré (performed by Jacqueline du Pré)

“As you come upon the outside of Felderwin, which is built not too far from the Eistus River, you can already see there are a number of buildings burned and blackened on the opposite end of the fields. The fields are on the northern side of the city. On the southeastern side, there's a section of the town that appears to have burned or burnt down to varying degrees” (e48). 

“You make your way past the outskirts and you can see the river itself cruising right along. It would be a beautiful landscape if there wasn't this intensity of emotion and the distant haze of long-greyed smoke that still hangs over the vicinity of the partially burned farmlands. Nevertheless, Nott leads you over towards one of the shaded banks under a few trees and you come to a stop” (e49).

An elegy seemed like a good choice for Nott’s return to Felderwin, both for her mourning her (presumed dead) husband and for her recounting the details of her death. The happy, nostalgic middle theme makes me think of Nott’s happier memories in Felderwin, and in particular her description of coming to the river with Yeza. And Jacqueline du Pre’s gorgeous, evocative cello playing makes my heart hurt. 

Rosohna

La Cathédrale engloutie, Claude Debussy (performed by Martin Jones)

“As he turns, you can now see before you, throughout the vicinity, this beautiful courtyard of subtle grey and green bushes and trees. You see that you're on a hill. The centre of the city seems to be on some sort of hilltop and looking down, you can see the perimeter wall, made of a dull grey with a purplish-tint type stone and across the crest of it, you see these green lanterns that alight with this soft, green glow. 

Beyond that, beyond the barricades, your vision stretches out to see the entirety, it seems, of Rosohna, this incredible, vast metropolis, alit with thousands of the same little, green lantern glows. You see stone and metal and dark clay making up all the structures in various sizes and shapes, some of which have been repurposed ruins of old that have been built upon and refurbished, some of which, at least closer to the centre, appear to be extensions of an elvish, domicile design that is familiar yet unfamiliar, in some ways slender and jagged, but beautiful and sleek. Then, beyond that, you can see extending wards of the city that tend to be a little more patchwork and scattered. You can see distant bonfires that are lit in some of the streets, giving distinct orange glows that break up the rest of the green, sparkling lights that make up the entirety of your vision. It's beautiful.” (e57)

Matt’s description of Rosohna took my breath away: such a monumental city in a place that the characters had been told was barely “civilized.” This piano prelude captures, for me, the idea of walking up that hill and gradually, this enormous, dark, glittering, beautiful city sprawling before you. Musically, this song is built in parts on unusual scales, so that it gives me the sense of “familiar yet unfamiliar.”

And that’s a wrap! Thanks so much for reading and listening!

[minaminokyoko]

Deadpool 2: A Spoilertastic Review

One thing I've noticed over the years is that there's nothing like it when someone busts their ass to make a movie happen, defying all odds, and pours their sweat, blood, tears (and in Deadpool's case, probably other fluids we don't want to know about) into a film, and it turns out to reward them spectacularly. Deadpool was one of those movies. They fought for years to get that movie made after the disgraceful ruination of the character in X-Men Origins: Wolverine and they did him justice beyond words. It was magnificently done. It damn near beat Jesus, for fuck's sake. Actual Jesus.

And that's why I think that I don't like the sequel as much.

I've seen this happen many times: a sleeper hit or an unexpected smash hit blockbuster exceeds all expectations and then puts out a sequel. Well, unfortunately, sometimes success can ruin your party. Success, accolades, and the second highest grossing Rated R film of all time had an influence on how Deadpool 2 turned out, if you ask me. When you're not starving for it, then it means that sometimes punchlines don't land as hard, writing is not as tight, and scenes aren't as memorable. When you're already fat and happy, sometimes your motivation to make the best thing ever is just servicable at best.

I think Deadpool 2 is an enjoyable movie, but I think it didn't want it as badly as the first movie did because it was already fat, happy, and satisfied from the first film. Thus, I think they didn't try as hard to make it the best movie possible. It's still a good movie, but it can't compete with the first film by any stretch, and I'll explain why. Naturally, spoiler alert.

Overall Grade: B-/C+

Pros:

-Deadpool himself is still funny, even if the change in tone puts a damper on a lot of the enjoyment.

-Domino shines like a freaking diamond. I already like Zazie Beetz from what I saw of her in FX's show Atlanta, so I was jazzed when they announced her for the role. She still blew my expectations out of the water. I had never seen her do a physical role before, and she absolutely sold me. I'd love to see her in sequels and I sure as hell would watch a spin off of her with other female heroes should the Deadpool franchise get to borrow some X-Men in what I pray will someday be a collaborative effort between Fox and Marvel Studios. She's fantastic. She's the black girl magic the world needs to know about, and I'm so happy studios are coming around realizing black women are a massive untapped source of awesome in superhero films. For the longest time, Storm was all we had and she was weaksauce due to poor writing, but we've slowly been seeing more inclusion with the women of Black Panther and Valkyrie from Ragnarok and now Domino. Keep 'em coming, superhero movies. Black women deserve to conquer the genre and usher in other women of color alongside them.

-The X-Men pulling the door shut gag was top notch. Kudos. Even though it raises some seriously weird questions timeline-wise, I howled. That was brilliantly addressed, especially since it's so painfully obvious in the first movie that Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead were all Fox's stingy ass wanted to spare for poor Mr. Pool.

-Dupinder is still fucking adorable and precious and I'm glad he got his moment of glory.

-The Juggernaut getting a second shot was absolutely fantastic. I was trying to guess who it would be and then I saw that helmet and I might as well have done a fucking T-Rex roar in my seat the theater. Juggernaut was done right. He was everything I dreamt he would be ever since that disappointing appearance in X-Men 3. Don't get me wrong--Vinnie Jones had the right attitude, but making him just regular size guy defeats the whole purpose of why he's so unstoppable and terrifying. He literally ripped Deadpool in half. That was awesome, as was his grudge match with Colossus. I loved them going toe to toe with each other. It was staged extremely well. Aside from Domino, Juggernaut vs. Colossus was by far my favorite part of the film.

-Minor point, but I loved Deadpool's reaction to Yukio. He seemed genuinely charmed by her and vice versa and it was fucking adorable.

-The second post credits scene is exactly as good as the hype made it out to be. Oh God. Deadpool shooting Barakapool several times was just...I mean, it was the cherry on top of the sundae. It was so satisfying, as was the joke about shooting himself before he could star in Green Lantern. I love that Ryan Reynolds was so self aware that he severely fucked up his career from pretty much 2011 until 2016 when he finally got Deadpool made. He knew this movie was the only way he'd ever get himself out of that ditch in his career and I think it was a worthy redemption for sure. I also am so relieved they undid Vanessa's death, because that's the second biggest con I have for this movie as you'll see below.

-The Logan reference had me in stitches. It was so wrong, but so damn funny.

-The "blink and you'll miss it" Brad Pitt cameo. Fuck, that was amazing and surprising, thank you.

-The other "blink and you'll miss it" Alan Tudyk cameo. Holy shit, does Disney really like this man. I am so happy to see Wash getting some really great roles over the years. He's doing great.

Cons:

-Stuffing Vanessa in the Fridge. Alright, so technically I shouldn't put this in here because Deadpool fixes it in the end credits, but it pisses me off that they even attempted this stupid fucking trope. I am tired of dead girlfriends and dead wives used for Mangst. Fucking. Stop. It. Women are just as valid as men as characters. Stop killing them just to make the hero turn Super Saiyan. It's possible to still motivate the male motherfuckers without killing the girl and putting them on a revenge spree or depression spiral. It's lazy writing and all of Hollywood needs to move on from this tired ass trope. Vanessa was extremely charming, funny, and likable in the first Deadpool movie and Morena Baccarin is and has always been so wonderful to enjoy on screen in her dramatic and comedic work. I am so pissed off they Fridged her to only be in five minutes of the fucking movie. They shouldn't have even bothered putting her in the damned credits because she was only there for such a short period. If she didn't have time to film the movie, fine, just find another excuse that she's not there. Morena deserved better, dammit.

-Changing the tone of the film franchise from a screwball comedy to an action "movie" with jokes in it. This is the biggest reason I didn't like this movie as much as the first Deadpool movie. The first Deadpool movie is arguably a parody of superhero films. It takes most of the tropes and pokes fun at them in a really great way, but it also still manages to be a legit, streamlined revenge love story. It strikes the exact tone we'd all been craving ever since we heard the Deadpool movie would be greenlit. So why the fuck is the sequel written like an X-Men movie, but with more jokes? I hate the serious tone. I hate Wade moping over Vanessa, I hate the whole "family" bullshit that is spoken with a straightface somehow despite being almost as unearned as that hideous one in Suicide Squad, I hate Cable moping over his dead family, and I hate the "you're not my friend" bullshit between Wade and the incredibly annoying fat kid whose name I refuse to learn because he irritated me so much. Why did they play it all straightfaced? Why was I expected to see a "real story" in a Deadpool movie? The entire reason I like this franchise and haven't seen an X-Men film (not counting Logan) in years is because the X-Men franchise has completely played itself out. It's substandard acting, substandard writing, it doesn't adapt the comics the way it should, and it's just repetitive. All the movies since First Class are the same. The prequel babies are finally going to just end the charade with Dark Phoenix and I think most of the world is relieved because they have nothing creative or new to offer any longer. Deadpool 2 reeks of that same kind of lame writing and execution. There was no reason to switch the format. I pray to God they go back to formula in X-Force or Deadpool 3. I hate this change with a passion.

-The fat kid is annoying as hell. There, I said it. Fight me if you must. He had no sense of self preservation and the movie didn't go into enough detail to make me care about him in spite of how teeth-grindingly stupid and obnoxious he was. He was written like a twelve year old boy writing fanfiction about himself and Deadpool becoming best buds and fighting crime together. No. No, stop that right now. I don't want any part of it. I get the "he's just a kid" thing but the kid is an asshole and even if he's somehow justified, he's a pain in the ass to watch from start to finish. I also think the kid needs some acting lessons, but that's not entirely his fault. I think he probably just wasn't directed all that well, so I can let that slide, but I did notice it during the film.

-I don't care about Cable. Cable and Deadpool are righteous as fuck in the comics. In this movie? No. This is why I was against Josh Brolin being cast. He has no chemistry with Ryan Reynolds. I get that Cable is the Straight Man to Deadpool's Kooky Man, but they don't gel together at all. I never sensed any bonding even though they are setting it up for franchise reasons. He's just not interesting and he plays the role as blandly as he does all his boring ass biopics and other bland roles. Brolin worked much better as Thanos than he did Cable. Thanos had weight and was threatening and even though his reasoning was utter bullshit, at least he was convicted. Brolin's Cable just felt like some stock stoic character thrown in there as the minor antagonist. I still would have much preferred Liam Neeson or Ron Perlman, and yes, I understand both of them are getting up there in years, but we've seen older actors still kick ass and be in shape, so I think they could have done it if they were offered the part. Brolin is still one of the most drab actors I've ever seen and he just doesn't pull the role off, imo.

-The bait and switch with the X-Force team. This is a minor note for me, as I don't have a background with these characters so it's more for people who know these characters elsewhere and were expecting an awesome team up movie but that's not what they got. Are the gruesome deaths kind of funny? Yeah, sure, but it's kind of rude to advertise them that way and they're not in the movie. I just frown on it. It's not a dealbreaker. It was just disappointing in the same way that the Mandarin in Iron Man 3 was disappointing. I expected more and I got a farce instead.

-I don't know if it's for legal reasons, but it drives me crazy that we still didn't get a Wolverine cameo from Hugh Jackman. I mean, we finally got Deadpool--the real one--and I just want him and Ryan to share the screen again because even though Origins was trash, they were magical together.

-Deadpool's last "death" went on way too long. I was checking my watch. They really should have pulled the trigger on that gag. It was exhausting and not very funny to begin with.

-Negasonic Teenage Warhead getting reduced to an extra pissed me off. She was so great in the first movie and she doesn't get to do anything here and it irks the hell out of me.

-Aside from The Juggernaut vs. Colossus, the fight scenes weren't nearly as creative, cinematic, or memorable as the first film. I've already forgotten everything except the JvC fight and the convoy rescue scene. That's a bummer for me.

-The movie just isn't as funny as the first film. It's not the same kind of tight writing with excellent punchlines and ridiculous phrases that made me remember them. It's been a few days and I don't recall any insults or lines that stuck with me. I'll likely be seeing it again for Memorial Day weekend, but I still don't expect I'll remember much from it.

-Nitpick: God, I still want to push T.J. Miller off a bridge. He is not funny and never has been.

-Nitpick: WHY HAS NO ONE MADE A FIREFLY JOKE ABOUT MORENA BACCARIN AFTER TWO FUCKING DEADPOOL MOVIES?! COME ON. DEADPOOL IS ALL ABOUT NERD REFERENCES. GODDAMMIT MENTION FIREFLY YOU FUCKS. (But to be fair, this could also be because Fox is the reason we only got one season and so maybe they were forbidden from doing it. Still. That pisses me the hell off. Especially since Ryan Reynolds and Nathan Fillion (1) have both played the Green Lantern and (2) were on a sitcom with each other for years. Inexcusable.)

I'm sorry it sounds like I'm shitting on the movie. Really, it's enjoyable. I just think that maybe the first movie set the bar so high I can't help but feel frustrated by the sequel not trying as hard. Based on the online reactions, I'm on my own so...take that as you will, friends. Kyo out.

[johneward35]

10 Cool Things About Seattles Green Lake Neighborhood

Seattle is known for its greenery, which makes sense, it is the Evergreen state afterall. It’s no wonder one of our favorite spots is Green Lake, accurately named after the freshwater lake at the heart of Seattle. A little bit of history: the Green Lake neighborhood was settled in the late 1800s and has always been residential and the scenic backdrop to many people’s lives. Perhaps that’s why it’s still such a popular spot for locals and tourists alike along with the occasional celebrity! We’ve compiled a list of some of our favorite Green Lake legends, stories and highlights that show what a quirky, beautiful spot Green Lake is and we hope will continue to be!

Duck Island: Duck Island was originally created as a safe habitat for swans which obviously didn’t pan out. This small island is located in the middle of Green Lake and is off limits to visitors. In fact, it’s even against the law to trespass on this island as it was deemed a wildlife refuge back in the 50’s (this changed in the 80’s). If caught, you could get a misdemeanor for trespassing. But rules were meant to be broken, right? In 2017, a group of skaters handbuilt their own skatepark in the middle of Duck Island. Some videos can still be found online. Did they get caught, yes. Did they get in trouble? You know it. Let this be a lesson, Duck Island is for the birds.

Twin Teepees: There’s a local legend that Colonel Harland Sanders (yes! The KFC guy) was a short order cook at the former Twin Teepees, a local establishment that was destroyed by fire and then later torn down in 2001. John Owen, who wrote Walking Seattle said that the owner of the Twin Teepees, Walter Clear “met another energetic restaurateur who had fallen upon hard times. He offered his new friend Harold Sanders a temporary job as a short order cook at one of his Seattle restaurants. Clark moved his friend to the Twin Teepees, where the man’s fascination with herbs and spices continued.” After almost a year in Seattle, Harold decided to head home to Kentucky and later began to refer to himself as “Colonel Sanders.” We may never know if he developed his famous recipes here in our very own Green Lake neighborhood but it’s still a pretty tasty story.

The Green Lake Arch: Originally located as a prominent fixture in the Martha Washington School for Girls, a historic school building on Lake Washington. This looming piece of history now resides in Green Lake, but how? You may have heard stories about the Martha Washington School for Girls. Ghost stories to be specific. The school, which has since been demolished, was built in 1921. The school offered support for neglected and unfortunate young girls until the school closed their doors in 1952. It sat empty and neglected for decades, some say satanic cults took place in the structure which led to the 1972 decision to demolish it. The City of Seattle purchased and tore down the building and built a park (which you can visit today). Sightings only intensified of young girls haunting the shores of Lake Washington. So how did the huge arc get to Green Lake and not in a landfill? For some reason, it was put in storage in 2009 and brought to Green Lake as part of Seattle’s Shade Park and Plaza. For many decades this eerie arch greeted young girls as they entered their school each day and now you too can visit it in Green Lake, just watch out for the paranormal, it’s probably still haunted.

Magnet Fishing: It’s how it sounds and it works with varying success. Local man, Sam Miller was out magnet fishing on the lake and uncovered an unlabeled can with an expiration date of 2020. Sam, who is also a local comedian in Seattle, opened the mystery can at Emmett Montgomery & Brett Hamill’s Joketeller’s Union show in the summer of 2019 and proceeded to taste this mystery meat. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t spoiled! The cool lake temperatures keep things like beer cans and food cans nice and chilled! You can watch the “uncanning” here.

Spuds Fish N Chips: Founded in 1935, this place has history! Two brothers, Jack and Frank Alger, are credited with bringing the phenomenon that is “fish & chips” to Seattle. The brothers, originally from England (where the whole fish and chips fad started) decided to open a restaurant in Alki and later Green Lake. It’s rumored the brothers even helped out Ivar’s with his famous fish and chips recipe. Taste test anyone?

Milk Carton Races: This quirky event has been taking place every year since its opening event in 1972 (sorry 2020, the next race has been rescheduled for 2021). It’s officially called the Lucerne Seafair Milk Carton Derby and features the weirdest, most colorful milk carton boats you have ever seen. You never know what kind of boat or floatation creation will float by as they vary in size and designs. May the best milk carton boat win!

Water Lantern Festival: This is another annual event that has been rescheduled due to COVID-19 but their website says to check back in 2021. Watch as a spectator or take part by purchasing a lantern that you’ll personalize with a message or drawing. Watch as it drifts in tandem with hundreds of other lanterns across Green Lake. It’s a sight to see! Food trucks and live music make for a fun filled evening.

First Date: Green Lake can seem like the perfect romantic spot, a stroll around the scenic lake, canadian geese honking in harmony as you pass by with your new love…except when you realize you have absolutely nothing in common with your date and you’re only a quarter way around Green Lake. A stroll with your date can turn awkward really fast and can feel like a ride you can’t get off of. So romantics beware, Green Lake may be the best or worst place to go on a first date. It can be a long 2.8 miles around the lake.

The Aqua Theater: Originally built in 1950 for Seattle’s Seafair as a way to showcase “swimusicals”, which is just how it sounds. Singing, dancing and synchronized ballet swimming a la water musical! Besides swimusicals, many plays have taken place at the Aqua Theater along with jazz festivals, wrestling matches, comedy shows, and live music concerts. After the summer productions, the activity at the Aqua Theater waned (most probably due to the near constant wet weather) and was for the most part abandoned. After Led Zeppelin and Grateful Dead played at the Theater in 1960, the City of Seattle deemed it unsafe. In 1970 it was torn down and repurposed. Some sections of the grandstand remain today and offer a great way to exercise those glutes.

Gaines Point: The murder of Sylvia Gaines was huge news in Seattle when it happened in June of 1926. A man was walking around the north end of Green Lake on his way to work when he discovered a pair of women’s shoes. He investigated further and found Sylvia, dead near the shore. Sylvia Gaines was only 22 and had just moved to Seattle to reconnect with her estranged father whom she hadn’t seen since she was 5. It didn’t take long for investigators to charge her father, Bob Gaines with her murder. It only took 3 hours for the jury to find Bob Gaines guilty. The grove of Alder trees where Sylvia was found was replaced by Cottonwood trees (many of which were planted as a memorial to Sylvia). The trees grew to be 70 years old and offered a habitat to bald eagles but unfortunately their limbs began to fall. Deemed too dangerous, the cottonwoods were then removed. They have since been replaced with Populus Robusta trees. There are many who say the ghost of Sylvia has been seen peeking through the branches of these trees at night!

  Photo Sources:

1. https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/city-sues-capitol-hill-skate-shop-over-illicit-skateboarding-bowl-built-on-green-lakes-duck-island/ 2. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/266134659217502616/ 3. https://seattlemortgageplanners.com/seattle-neighborhood-guide/green-lake/ 5. https://www.seattlegreenlaker.com/2018/01/spud-fish-and-chips-building-nominated-for-seattle-landmark-status/ 6. https://parkways.seattle.gov/2018/07/11/july-14-seafair-milk-carton-derby/ 7. https://www.shorelineareanews.com/2019/10/green-lake-water-lantern-festival.html 9. https://blog.seattlepi.com/thebigblog/2010/10/04/p-i-archives-the-aqua-theater-at-green-lake/ 10. https://blogs.columbian.com/corks-and-forks/2013/12/24/a-walk-around-green-lake/

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[fallenlantern-archive]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’d like to present you with a story called ‘Good Guys Are Morons: a Kyle Rayner and Silver Surfer Tale’

So way back when Marvel and DC weren’t snarling at each other from across the valley, they actually did crossovers, and one of them was called Green Lantern/Silver Surfer: Unholy Alliances and whoooo boy

Have I got some things to get off my chest about this crossover.

Now don’t get me wrong- for the most part, it’s a decent crossover, also it features my problematic fave cosmic trash lord crazy green son Halallax and my smol cinnamon roll not crazy green son Kyle Rayner so obviously it ranks a 10/10 in my book BUT THAT BEING SAID

The good guys in this book are as dumb as rocks

Lets start with Kyle Rayner. 

Obviously at this point in comics Kyle is fairly new to the whole superheroing business, probably been doing it for a year at most. Still, he’s overcome a lot of challenges, saved the world a couple times, all that jazz. And he comes across this ugly dude calling himself Terrax

Only to be saved by this ugly dude

Now, many of you will recognise this guy as Thanos; galactic menace with a crush on death, a sweet chair, and generally the most untrustworthy guy in the entire Marvel universe. 

And he says he’s here to help...?

Yeah, I don’t buy it. And to be fair, neither does Kyle, countering Thanos’s sweet chair with a chair of his own :

However, obviously and painfully shady or not, Thanos does apparently have a reason for coming here; and it involves enlisting Kyle’s aid against someone he knows all too well...

Speaking of Hal, let’s actually take a trip over to the Marvel verse. Because as I said at the beginning, this is a crossover, and there are multiple good guys in this book that are both dumb as rocks, so right now we’re going to jump over to the Silver Surfer, embroiled in battle with a mysterious cybernetic foe that has a deep resemblance to a certain man of steel:

Cyborg Superman has somehow found himself in the Marvel universe, and the first thing he’s done is apparently destroy one of the few planets that Surfer actually managed to save while working for Galactus. They clash for a bit, before another fighter joins the fray:

Yes, it is indeed my son Hal Jordan, sporting a lovely pair of yellow eyes before any of us suspected he was even possessed. Foreshadowing? Or just a way of indicating that Parallax is Thanos’s main competition in the whole ‘shadiest person ever’ department? Who knows. But anyway, Hal is there for one reason and one reason only: kill Cyborg Superman for what he did to Coast City. And I’m just going to post these next two and a half pages in their entirety, because there’s a lot I want to say about them: 

First of all, Hal, sweetie- if you want people to trust you, do not go off on long tangents about how you were once a hero and did questionable things and also maybe not make your face so shadowy?? You know who people are more inclined to trust? People that are well lit. How are you even accomplishing this, you literally glow green yet you’re able to put your face into shadows like a literally shady person??

Just as a tip, everyone, if you ask someone if they are a hero, and they respond in the past tense, that’s a clear sign that something’s up.

And for that matter, considering the above points 

Silver Surfer. Why would you ever trust a guy that acted like this?? 

‘Do I not share a certain kinship with him’ LOOK, EMPATHY IS A WONDERFUL THING BUT THIS GUY SHOWED UP LOOKING TO MURDER A DUDE, THAT ALONE SHOULD MAKE YOU ENGAGE THE BREAKS ON THE WHOLE TEAMING UP THING

Also you were dumb enough to get between the fight of two beings you yourself acknowledged as powerful, where you admitted one of them was probably in the right? God, you are so lucky Hal still has a sense of honour and nobility because otherwise you would be blasted across whatever solar system you’re all in.

But somehow, despite being the most obviously suspicious person in the multiverse, Hal apparently has amazing powers of persuasion, because as he and Surfer start to bond over their shared lack of a home, he sees an opportunity to get the power he needs to ‘set things right’

So, across two universes, we have two guys of dubious credibility pitching an alliance with two other guys that really, really, should just turn around and walk the other way.

I honestly can’t tell who’s dumber here: the guy that’s clearly not buying it yet goes along with it anyway, or the guy that seems to be falling for it completely. But either way they both agree, because, as I said- good guys are idiots and how else are we going to justify the Unholy Alliances subtitle?

Excuse me while I bang my head against the wall.

Now that I come to think about it, this might have to become a two part thing. I’m not sure I’m ready to cover the poor decisions that come straight after this just yet. But suffice to say; mistakes are made, trust is given that reeeaally shouldn’t have been, and there’s a few battles of cosmic proportions sprinkled in along the way.

And it’s all because being good apparently comes with an immunity to common sense.