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chilkookiepal · 5 months ago

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Burn With Me

kind of yandere /toxic JJK x Reader (hints at reader being black)

summary : in which what yours is mine to Jungkook and what's his is infact Not yours

genre / angst for this chapter , dark romance, themes of exercised control

MINORS DO NOT INERACT!!!

🤍🤍🤍 🤍🤍🤍 🤍🤍🤍 🤍🤍🤍 🤍🤍🤍 🤍🤍🤍

Jungkook doesn't share

he will do anything you tell him to He would become your servant if you allowed that

He was very curious about you which meant that he had to be attached to your hip whenever he could that also to him and in his own merits of logic meant that he was allowed to be in your business as much as he wanted You didn't even have to know

he was watching his own unspoken rules getting jeopardized at times especially when you did things like these

What belonged to you belonged to him and the opposite was a dead end

It wasn't just you , jungkook just consisted of too many possessive bones in his body

It's either he was just that good at masking his distaste for sharing or you just couldn't take a hint He didn't even have the time to do s double take in his already livid state

see the thing is he was simply caught off guard

you had gotten into the mood to clean up the house which also meant that the laundry coul not be avoided

You and Jungkook were simply cohabitant new room mates and it has been a little over a month since a friend sent you in the direction of an empty apartment listing Doing all in her might to get you out of her and her boyfriend's freaky way

Upon meeting your landlord you had been skeptical but you didn't have that many choices plus the neighborhood seemed safe and the rent was pretty fair so you moved in

You both got along fine ,quickly falling into a routine,the living situation was practically homey, marriage like sealed with a lot of tension.

his jaw was so tensed if you noticed you would think something was bound to snap,his reaction was simply an erorr detection in his exercised control

you had these instances where you stepped on his toes without even thinking twice

you were not being the most considerate in his eyes and this additional moment as if his day was not bad enough to you, why did you have to have your episodes right when he was livid

he was simply pissed off and you just happened to be the first thing in sight , a winner of his bad moods by default as his eyebrows scrunch at your appearance

"Is that my t-shirt?"

You were a mess to say the least, your braids in a ponytail that fell down from a bun keep getting in your face disrupting the surface of the counter that you are currently wiping down at

in the background you hum to a song blasting on volume 29 , it's nearing 1pm in the day when the door ahead beeps and open revealing a slightly disheveled Jungkook who had knocked off work earlier than normally

Something about his presence is not very friendly in this moment where his tongue pokes at the side of his cheek from the inside

You had never seen him like this before, a nervous light smile gracing your lips When your eyes trail further to examine him his lip seems slightly busted "Jungkook, what happened…are you okay?" You simply ask concern fully evident in your widened shiny orbs

You are not sure what is happening exactly between Jungkook rolling his eyes, a dark chuckle, the quirking if his eyebrow and the impatience evident on his face all together bringing you back to his initial and only words to you as it was your first time seeing him today

"Oh yeah, I was doing laundry and my clothes got drenched " growing antsy under the weight of his gaze you assure him that you have plans to wash it and that it was safe

"So you wear my clothes, who gave you permission?"

if you ever thought your eyes could not get any bigger they could as well have been hanging out of their sockets in this instant

"I didn't think you would mind-' He is stepping closer in slow strides and unwavering predatory gaze solely focused on you and you alone you look like a deer caught in the headlights

"Who gave you the fucking permission to wear my shirt y/n ?"

He seems to be a different person as he stops a little distance from you eyebrows drawn together in an angry frown

you're still trying to be sure that this is Jungkook that standing in front of you, to keep yourself from running the hell out of sight

"I'm sorry, I -" he chuckles in disbelief "you can be such a selfish brat sometimes, I can't believe you would just help yourself to my clothes without my permission what else do you fucking take from me when I'm not around, huh?"

It's a rhetorical question and His words taking on a patronizing tone that triggers a defensive alarm in your brain

the way he drags his eyes across you makes you question your existence for a hot minute

and somewhere between the pitch of Jungkooks mean words , his gaze and the ringing in your ears turning into a deafening intolerable sound your eyes start tearing up and when you can no longer take any of it even the t-shirt feels like it's weighing you down and in the defeat of it all your hands reach for the hem of the shirt and you drag the t-shirt over your head shoving it in his chest before turning to hide away behind the protective walls of the one thing you infact had the full rights to in jungkooks shared apartment

You are simply too livid to realize the state you have him in in the span of the moment you throw his shirt at him

Tits standing pretty above your figure He never thought he'd ever see this view

and when you turn away from him your pretty ass swaying makes him want to pull you back in to his arms just to feel the softness of your flesh against his finger tips and another tip making his explosive mood into something more sinister than what he had been initially presented with

"Fuck " he lets out under his shaky breath

The door slamming in a distance ahead

You don't come out of your room in the next four hours

Hopeful that he would leave again

You had fallen asleep somewhere in between your crying waking up around sun down to take down your laundry you tie your robe around your figure and your door creaks at contact You don't even make it far when you spot familiar closet colors that belong to you already folded neatly on the nearest couch to your room

You don't bother to look for him Even when the kitchen smells nice and dishes clank there

You retreat back to your room before exiting again to take a shower

When done you get back into your room not acknowledging his presence even though he's sitting right across the room

You were dressed up when you exited the room again, wearing your work attire with your braids flowing down your back and a satchel bag on your shoulder He could tell you were off to work with your change of clothes in the bag that has some volume today hinting him something he won't even let himself consider

He's there on the kitchen island following your every move with his eyes you know he is there so you ignore more you see him as you look around for your preferred pair of sneakers that you are not sure where they went

The comfortable ones that tolerate your herrendous hours of standing

frustrated you go back into your room to check again settling on a different pair

"Come and eat " A voice you are ignoring announces from the kitchen You ignore him

you are approaching the door when he stands in front of you

"Please "

"I'm not hungry " you say lowly

Your stomach growls for the nth time like a paid actor

his eyebrows knitted knowing that you had not eaten in hours

You try to push past him but he just stands in your way tall and broad as ever

You glare at him hoping he will get the message

Angel,I'm sorry ," he takes the opportunity to let out the word when your eyes finally meet his

"Yeah me too , could you move"

He won't budge , refusing to let you leave without eating

"I'm really not interested"

At least you were talking

"Please"

he has those sparkling eyes staring into your soul

"I already dished for two "

"Well now you got extra for tomorrow "

"You can't work on an empty stomach"

you ignore the last bit of his opinion continuing to scurry away and you don't even hear him approach you until he's dragging you to the counter opening a chair for you and putting a plate in front of you

You eat with him still avoiding him You were always like this You got scared to look people in the eyes whenever you had arguments

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean any of the things I said- I was not even upset with you, you were just there"

You clear your throat before muttering a heavy apology that tugs at your heart strings

"I'm sorry-

I'm sorry for wearing your t-shirt, it won't happen again"

You simply got forward and out of lane earlier and that makes your appetite want to desipate

You were probably being unreasonable but what if he resented you for all he did for you as well

You surely despised feeling indebted to people and you feared overstepping boundaries and overstaying your welcomes

"Thanks for the food " You are on your feet to do the dishes when he does it again, he takes the dishes to put them in the dishwasher before you can make it to the sink

"Princess, look at me"

He was now stood in front of you too close for your bond to Jungkook that is under reevaluation

With a sharp inhale you meet his gaze , unreadable, almost unfamiliar

"I- I have to go"

He wants to place his arms on the counter to cage you there and never let you out of his sight

"Let me drive you there"

"thank but my ride is already here"

This was his least favorite category of brattiness from you and if you weren't already icing him out he would have pointed it out

You excuse yourself past him and rush for the exit your sneakers squeaking against the tiles with each hypnotic sway of your hips A part of him thinks you don't even know what you do to him And

Truth is you had no clue what you had gotten yourself into He was trying his hardest to change , learning to leave behind a method of love that burns and destroys him and anything he touches

This was no regular man, he was something far more than obsessive and he was scared that he was already getting too lost in you You were right here under his nose now , you grew on him too quickly

What's yours was his and what's his was his, YOU were his you just didn't know it yet which was why he got pissed earlier when you fit perfectly into HIS t-shirt you disrupt an order of control that goes unspoken to him

wearing his t-shirt was just too hard for him to handle but fuck that image of your body is now engrained in his head and in the camera east corner of the apartment in the living room too small to be noticable Well at least to your pretty eyes he thought to himself Same pretty eyes that were glossy when you looked up at him earlier with just a pair of cotton panties on

another pair that you would be losing to Jungkook without a clue in the world

He had no interest to wash that shirt anytime soon, your bare nipples were pressed right against that fabric, his shirt for fucks sake

He wanted to lift you in the air and just fuck you then and there but !he was a patient man however far that would take him

you were becoming like a deep ocean slowly sinking him to the bottom with an anchor that he tied himself securely to his own ankle

You didn't even have to do anything to have him wrapped around your little finger and that is how he knew he had no plans of letting you go well at least any time soon ...

DON'T BE A SILENT READER , I'M HUNGRY FOR FEEDBACK 😭😭

do not translate ,copy / re-use .

#jungkook #jungkook fanfic #yandere jungkook #yandere bts #jungkook x you #jungkook soft yandere #bts jungkook

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whimsicalwritingsandmore · 17 days ago

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Spy Family | ateez x reader

Pairing: spy!ateez x spy!reader

Genre: spy, action, a little romance

Word Count: 1223 words

Summary: You’ve been seeing Ateez for a year, and you’re wondering, can you actually break their hearts?

a/n: I still don't know how I feel about what I've written here but I've had this in my drafts for a YEAR and it's time that I finally complete it! this is a short series of 4 parts so I won't have a taglist for it, all the parts are drafted, it just needs editing so I'll publish the next parts as soon as I finish editing it! :) Enjoyyyy and let me know your thoughts! Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated. <3

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Part 1

As you watched Wooyoung prepare dinner for everyone, the feeling of remorse sat heavily on your shoulders as the culpable feeling of regret gnawed at you from within. Every time you thought about what you were doing, your stomach twisted and churned with guilt.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

It was supposed to be a simple payback but now that you thought about it, nothing about it was simple from the start. It had almost been a year since you began your relationship with Wooyoung that had spilled over with the rest of the boys. Initially, you heard about them from your best friend whose younger brother was dating Wooyoung’s sister. Then you saw them around the Institute occasionally, since like you, they were spies in training. They joined a sister organization adjacent to yours and so, you would work alongside each other from time to time. Although, you were never on the same team for missions.

But perhaps it would have remained a professional relationship - if only Wooyoung’s sister didn’t break Beomgyu’s heart the way she did.

If only she was loyal and honest, maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation today. First, she lied and cheated, then she proceeded to humiliate him at the inauguration ceremony for new spy recruits. You remembered that evening vividly. Beomgyu had always been shy so it took a lot of courage to confess how much she meant to him that night. As everything unraveled, you were seething with anger alongside your best friend Ara. Before you knew it though, Ara was already on the other side of the hall, grabbing the girl by her ponytail and slamming her into a table before dunking her into the fountain. It took six people to get her off the girl.

That should’ve been enough revenge.

But for Ara, it wasn’t. She seethed in animosity and fury for months and then in sadness as she watched her sibling drown in heartbreak, humiliation and pain. Then she approached you. She snooped around for more information about the girl and discovered she had a younger brother - Wooyoung.

“An eye for an eye.” she claimed.

You could have said no. There was no need for you to get involved. But you considered Beomgyu to be like a younger brother so you agreed, albeit apprehensively. So now here you were - semi-cohabiting with all eight boys and they were nothing like what people had described about them. They kept to themselves and hardly interacted outside of their established circle so most claimed they were stand-offish and haughty. But in reality, they were kind, sweet, thoughtful and friendly.

Hongjoong, Yeosang and Jongho weren’t big fans of public displays of affection but rather preferred showing their affection in the safe spaces that were their rooms. On the other hand, Seonghwa and Yunho, who would seem intimidating because of their height, were sweethearts who didn’t mind small gestures such as either holding hands or being back-hugged in public unless it resulted in both of you tumbling down a hill…which happened only once. Meanwhile, San and Mingi were in-between because of their shy nature, while Wooyoung didn’t mind letting the whole world know how much you meant to him.

You couldn’t break their hearts.

So, you made another plan. In the next few days you had an upcoming mission that was out of the country and that would last a month, with perhaps a few weeks extra spilling over into the next. In that time, you would be unable to be in contact regularly so slowly, you would begin to distance yourselves from them. You weren’t going to tell them when you’ll be back and hopefully soon enough, the message would be clear.

As you replayed your foolproof plan in your head, Wooyoung draped himself over you while the others chattered amongst themselves as the evening wore on and dinner concluded. He ran his fingers through your hair and prodded your head with his nose to seek your attention as he swayed the two of you back and forth.

“You okay?” he whispered.

As you snapped out of your thoughts, you looked up to see the sweet, tender look he gave you - one that was filled with adoration and so much love. You nodded sweetly with a soft smile that you hoped was convincing before melting yourself deeper into his embrace, tracing circles on his forearm. He welcomed the gesture warmly and pressed a chaste kiss to your temple.

“I love you so much.” he murmured in your ear.

Everything inside you felt like it was frozen in place as you processed his words. Wooyoung said he loves you and though you tried to convince yourself that what you were planning was the best decision, you couldn’t ignore that bubbling feeling of warmth and tenderness that rushed in your veins when he said it - you felt the same.

On the way home, you were lost in thought. Your heart ached at the idea of never talking to the boys again. Each of them in their own way had left an impact that made your heart flutter and cheeks turn red. And after Wooyoung’s confession earlier and his sneaky kiss that may have turned into a small but passionate makeout session in a corner of the hallway right next to the elevator, you were distressed. It was unexpected like his confession. You were almost to the elevators when you felt a hand grab you and suddenly, you were being pulled into the cozy corner. Startled but aware of the familiar presence, especially by the bracelet on his arm that was identical to yours, you turned your gaze to find Wooyoung once again, staring at you with so much love and adoration before he pressed his lips to yours.

Arriving at your organization’s headquarters, you bumped into another figure who stood up to greet you but you didn’t see. It was Beomgyu. You both looked at each other with a sad smile, one that didn’t need any questioning because you both knew what it meant. The two of you strolled into the lobby in silence before Beomgyu turned to you and finally spoke.

“I’m sorry I’ve put you through this.” he laments.

“No,” you answer tiredly rubbing your face, “It’s on me. I agreed to it with Ara.”

“Still, I should’ve stopped you both.” he mumbles, “But…I also wanted revenge. At the time it felt so right.”

You couldn’t fault him, at one point, it seemed “right” to you too.

“It’s okay, I’ll figure it out.”

Before he can continue, you both hear a tick that raises alarm bells in your minds. The two of you turn around warily, unsure of what it is and where it's coming from, but before either of you can react, the wall explodes. Beomgyu grabs and pushes you under him to the ground behind a wall to protect the two of you.

After a few minutes of you trying to catch your bearings and soothe the unrelentless ringing in your ears, you look towards the debris and notice a small paper neatly rolled and tied with a gold string right in the middle of the floor, untouched by the rubble. Picking it up to read it, your blood runs cold with the three big words sprawled out in red.

“You’ve been warned.”

#ot8 ateez x reader #ateez x reader #poly ateez x reader #poly!ateez #ateez fanfic

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seirindono · 3 months ago

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So i have more question, what are the relationships between each one of the lord?

Who is friend with who?

Who hate who?

That kind of relationships not necessary love!

(Maybe do like one of those circle with link that connect each lord, eatch link with specific color for eatch lord, past lord and mel?)

Want to know more!

(I had to finish it with my mouse+keyboard so please bear with me)

Edit: Relationships before Frisk arrives. Some changes happen bc they get involved!

More details on what the arrows are for

Friendly - On friendly terms, related or good impression. Either the Lords are close or their respective sins complement each other, making for harmonious cohabitation. (They can still fight and they're still demons but relationships are overall good)

Hostile - Open conflict. Occurs only on the king's orders. It is an official declaration that does not necessarily reflect the feelings of both parties, and usually concerns royalty and outcasts/fugitive/banished demons.

Tense - Animosity but unless the King's allows/requests it, Lords can't openly fight and have to tolerate each other. Usually involves conflictual sins, territorial disputes and past arguments.

/!\ It also includes "forced" tensions (bc of royal order), misunderstandings and big disagreement on one specific subjetc, making the overall relationship strained.

Wary - Unrelated to the "Lord" status, it's purely based on the individual's past and their feelings/interest.

Scared - Due to power struggle, status, reputation or past encounter

Admiration - Genuine admiration or fondness, as a Lord and/or individual

If there's no arrow, they don't know each other or are neutral (or I forgot, it's one messy diagram, sorry...)

If arrows have 2 colors, it's a mix and is ambiguous.

#ask #ask me #demon au #undertale #undertale au #utmv #arrows are my nemesis - look at that nightmare #I'm sure I forgot some but I've been delaying this for too long #even I think it's confusing (+no details) but hey - at least you can see the factions xD #Also Demon!Papyrus is surrounded byt friendly arrows and that fact makes me happy

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bumblebeehug · 1 month ago

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I'm starving for nalu angst content. Please feed me?

i shall feed you with some of the best angst i can muster<3 thank @zuzu-fairys-tail for prompting this tihi

For the sake of Love

Summary: Natsu makes a mistake that drives him away from Lucy, but when he returns, he's forced to face the aftermath. Notes: This fic works as a stand-alone, but makes direct references to "Unrequited Love" Part of this series Ao3 - FF.net (original version)

***

Natsu had never thought about love as something he would experience. He had seen other people express it, claiming that their life didn’t start until they met their significant other. He heard them talk about needs, desires, communication and other otherworldly things – otherworldly, he called them, because couldn’t this apply to anyone? Why did it have to be a specific person? Why them?

He once asked Gray about this. He mentioned his relationship with Juvia, how they had been going steady ever since the team got home from the hundred years quest, but that he couldn’t understand where their original relationship had gone. Their yandere-tsundere act, their genuine friendship – had he really given it up for the sake of “love”?

“They cohabit,” was Gray’s curt answer, clearly disgusted having to talk about feelings with an idiot like Natsu.

No matter how much Natsu pressed him after that, Gray wouldn’t elaborate. Cohabit. He asked Levy for a definition, and came to the conclusion that that’s what he and Happy did. Lived together, spent time together, cared for each other. Except, he wouldn’t marry Happy even if he stood at gunpoint, so Gray couldn’t have been serious. He kept the real information for himself, the actual secret behind normal love and romantic love – what they meant and what differentiated them.

Before Natsu met Lucy, he was going through a troubled period in his life. He had spent so much time alone ever since Lisanna died. His home was dusty and empty, any time he spent in Magnolia was spent at the guild hall, and even his time there was limited to when he was between missions. And those missions then – they would last for weeks at a time, and anytime he found a lead on Igneel, he would follow it, resulting in more time spent away. It could go days between his last conversation with humans, though luckily he didn’t go anywhere without his blue furry pal.

Then Lucy entered the picture. If Natsu hadn’t been talking a whole lot before, now he barely got a word in edgewise. Except, he didn’t dislike hearing her chatter away like there was no tomorrow. It filled his brain, the empty space that normally made his loneliness echo throughout the night. Lucy was a breath of fresh air in comparison to speaking to anyone else in the guild. They all knew him for his losses – losing Igneel, losing Lisanna – but here he had a girl who didn’t define him by these things. She valued Natsu for his current self, the one she had met in Hargeon, who was strong, friendly and reliable. He appreciated this – he didn’t have to feel out of place when he entered the guild. Plus, she was easily impressed by all he had to offer. It was almost too good to be true.

After her, the world shifted. He was once again finding joy in the simple things. Jobs became more intricate and engaging, and even when the reward was butchered he’d always leave with a good feeling in his stomach. He enjoyed hearing her explain plants she saw on the way home from the job, and though he never enjoyed trains, he felt at ease knowing she wouldn’t leave him on it. Lucy became his ground pillar, the safety line that kept him from falling. Soon enough he found himself looking towards her every time he outdid himself. He wanted to know that she had seen, that she knew how far he had come. And the best part was that every time he searched for her eyes, she was already looking at him. Her support was unwavering.

At least, that’s what he thought. Lucy was always going to be there, searching for him, aiming all her attention to Natsu. He believed that her door would always be wide open for him, and if it wasn’t, he’d be granted an open window – something that told him that she wanted them to connect. For years, that was true. He had landed in the fact that he loved her presence, and she loved his. That their friendship was beyond just friends – soulmates would be more accurate.

But Natsu felt inadequate. Like he was failing at being a normal human. He had been haunted by the fact that he never was seen as any other guy – he was always a dragon, a demon, or in some cases a dunce. Truthfully, he didn’t want that. So one day he took a look at himself, and at other guys his age, and did a comparison. What was it Natsu did wrong, where did he fail as a human?

It didn’t take long to notice it. Almost every guy his age had been with, or currently was with, a partner. Not in the way Lucy was a partner, though he often referred to her as such, but in a dirtier way. There was jealousy, touching, tasting and biting, not always confined to a private space, seeing as he had noticed all this just in the guild hall. Jet had yet another girlfriend fuming with anger as she ran out of the bar area – she had apparently had enough of being compared to Levy. Natsu didn’t actually crave that sort of love, but he still couldn’t help but search for it.

The day he met her, he was on a solo mission. Happy and Lucy were visiting the Exceeds, but Natsu wanted some extra money for food, so he’d gone alone on a quest to catch some dark wizards before they got their hands on a sacred jewel from the village. It was walking distance, the pay was good, and Natsu would get to let off some steam: it was the perfect mission. What he didn’t know was that within that group of wizards, there’d be a mage with the most captivating looks.

Her light blue hair and fierce, deep green eyes had him captured. Not captured enough to avoid him from defeating the group, but enough to make him feel like he couldn’t help but to try to talk to her. Surely she’d come over to the good side if they had a good heart to heart? Natsu was confident that all she needed was some TLC: a warm shower, a proper conversation, and a soft bed to sleep in.

That night, Natsu did things he’d never done before. She had kissed him, and to his initial surprise, he had kissed her back. The small voice in the back of his mind, worrying about Lucy, was quickly pushed away. This was what he wanted – he had waited for a moment like this for years. A chance to hop on the train to being a normal guy, someone with girlfriends, exes, an emotional life. So under the sheets they went: he believed their activities would come to an end after this, resembling something of a “one night stand” as he’d heard people call it.

Man, was he wrong. The lust that awoke within him suddenly felt untamable: he needed her to satisfy him. It was years of pent up longing, though he still wasn’t sure for who he had longed. She seemed quite satisfied with their relationship though. Their sessions were intense, only lasting a day a month, so whatever they had could be kept a secret. Lucy and Happy didn’t have to know.

But soon enough, the two of them came to talk before and after their meetings. They’d talk about anything at first: the weather, recent news from the area, things that had happened on missions they’d gone to – she had listened to his advice way back then and started up as a novice witch, freelancing her way around while she got used to the good side of the wizarding world. Natsu was thrilled, because now he could share his struggle: they were both equally destructive in their ways. Between sessions they’d find themselves comparing ways they destroyed towns: Natsu still winning by a landslide, though to be fair, they weren’t yet exactly on common ground. She had many years ahead of her to sharpen her tactics – if getting more destructive was part of it, then so be it.

Natsu loved her ways. He found himself thinking this quite often. He loved how she laughed, how she moved, the things she did. Never having felt this before, he quickly got swept away by the intensity. Suddenly he met up with her multiple times a week, not even to do anything dirty – just to talk to her. She seemed to share his sentiment, not really initiating any major sessions unless the mood was really there: she was clearly interested in him back. When Natsu realised this, he thought he’d finally gotten back the good karma he’d collected over the years, that the universe owed him.

Before he could ask her out properly though, he felt like he had to stop this secrecy. He hated not being able to tell Lucy about things, and it felt weird that she knew everything about Lucy, while she knew nothing about her.

The plan was to just kindly drop the ball in Lucy’s lap. He’d tell her about her, keep his description of her short and clean, and then she’d slowly get used to the idea. It’s not like he didn’t know how special their relationship had been lately: they’d kept up the husband-wife act, she allowed him to share her bed, though nowadays he longed for her smell in it (he couldn’t tell Lucy that of course), they ate almost all meals together, and still went on missions. The only difference was that he was starting to like the idea of doing these things with her as well. And even he knew that he couldn’t have both: he couldn’t have his cake and eat it too.

His confession to Lucy hadn’t gone as he’d planned. He had taken her to this diner across Magnolia, made sure they took the long way there so they could enjoy their company a bit before he put his big news out there: in hindsight he realised it must have led her on. When they sat down, Natsu could barely contain himself. As soon as drinks were ordered, he grabbed her hands, sparkled in his eyes, and dropped the bomb.

“Lucy, I think I’m in love.”

As soon as he said it he let everything about her spill out. He couldn’t stop talking, it felt like he was in a daze: it felt so incredibly good being able to talk about this. To Lucy nonetheless. In fact, if you asked him then and there, he’d tell you he was in his version of heaven – and that being said knowing how great sex with her was. This, however, didn’t compare. Him and Lucy, no secrets, and he was in love. He’d be dancing on the table if the establishment was slightly less refined. So he talked and talked, about midday blue hair and eyes green as the forests from his childhood: and he didn’t see the way Lucy pressed her lips into a thin line, how tears threatened to build up in her eyes, or how her heartbeat got heavier. These were all things he would realise once he arrived back home, but wouldn’t be certain if it he’d just imagined or not.

If Natsu could go back in time and change how he had told Lucy, he absolutely would have, without a doubt in his mind. But that was only because in hindsight, he realised that Lucy might have harbored deeper feelings for him. He hadn’t realised it at first, dense as he often could be, but it was apparent once he took his usual trip to Lucy’s apartment just to find her doors locked, her windows closed and her blinds drawn. It was weird, caught Natsu off guard, and left him with a gruelling, dull ache in his chest. Did he prompt her to do this? Not wanting to draw any hasty conclusions, he went back every day the following week. Surely he’d catch her going outside to get groceries one of these days? But to his terror, she didn’t.

When he asked the guild about Lucy’s whereabouts, all he got was curt, dismissive answers. In a way, that answered his question: he was the cause of this. Even Happy had turned against him: he now spent most of his time in Lucy’s apartment. Natsu couldn’t blame him: he hadn’t told him about her until right after he’d gotten home from telling Lucy. Happy was Natsu’s oldest friend, so it was natural he’d hold a grudge if Natsu didn’t tell him about important things in his life. But that he’d be cooping up at Lucy’s place was the thing that set his theory in stone: Lucy must have had a crush on Natsu. There really wasn’t any other explanation. Happy was attached to Lucy, sure, but there had to be some sort of resentment from Natsu not going out with Lucy instead of the girl. Happy could be territorial in that way – he didn’t want new people to come and steal away Natsu’s attention.

For months things were weird in the guild. Natsu never knew how reliant the guild was on his and Lucy’s team: without them all working together as usual, it was like the mood in the guild hall had gone grey and stale. Natsu focused on solo missions, secretly doing them with her so he could get any extra help he might need. Sometimes it bugged him that Lucy wasn’t the one with him, but he brushed it off as just not being used to teaming up with someone who didn’t have the diversity of 15 different celestial spirits close by. Though it happened that he’d feel annoyed when she ignored clear instructions once again, causing double the amount of damage that was necessary for the mission. He suspected he was learning how it must have been working with him all these years.

Natsu couldn’t help but act like a busybody when it came to Lucy. He had promised himself to stay out of her business, but when he heard that she was looking thinner, he worried she didn’t have enough money for both rent and food: soon he started slipping a couple of thousand jewells to her landlady. Just so she’d keep her eye on Lucy for him.

One day he saw her there, in the guild, at the table with Levy and Cana. Before she noticed he was there she looked almost exactly like she used to: radiant, happy, gorgeous. The second she laid her eyes on him, her entire aura changed. With it, her normal appearance seemed to fade away as well. Suddenly he saw every pore in her face, felt her ragged breath in the air, noticed deep under eye bags contrasting the paleness of her skin. Her cheeks were sunken in and her muscles deflated – had he done this to her?

That’s when he started with the sympathy-smiles. He felt as stupid doing them as she probably felt receiving them, but before he could get out of it, it had become a habit. He’d draw the left side of his mouth, his lips pressed together as the corner of his mouth tried to turn into something of a smile, though it’d fail every time before it had a chance to turn upwards. Everytime he did it, he’d hear her swallow hard, smell tears in her eyes, and he’d feel the burning eyes of any fellow dragon slayers in the room – they all blamed him.

Natsu wasn’t sure he enjoyed living life like this. He loved her, without a doubt: they had finally become a couple, enjoying their date nights to the fullest. But even though he considered her a kindred spirit, he felt like something was missing. He wanted some contrast in their relationship. They could talk about something, find a word they didn’t quite understand, and then… silence. Silence where Lucy would kindly take her time and explain the word, its origin and how it was used: often with a couple of synonyms as well. That was how he even knew the word synonym. It was all thanks to Lucy.

Once, when they were thirty minutes into an intimate session, Natsu accidentally called out her name. Not her name, but Lucy’s. A faint whisper, right by her ear, making her jump out of bed quicker than he’d ever seen her move before.

“What did you just say?” She was grasping at her clothes, gathering them from the floor, distraught painted all over her face. “Lucy?”

Natsu fell over in bed, hurrying to cover his goods with the blanket.

“I- I don’t know. I didn’t mean to,” he tried. It was in vain, he realised, as he watched her blue curls swoosh with her very violent shaking of her head.

“No. It’s- it’s too weird, Natsu. I’ve known that you’ve loved her for a really long time, but I was stupid to think I could make you get over her.” She had tears prickling the corners of her eyes, though it looked like she was keeping them in check for now. She’d probably let them out as soon as he was out of sight. She tended to do that. Cover up any sign of weakness in case Natsu’s opinion of her would change. Maybe it would. He wasn’t so sure of himself anymore.

“Love? I don’t- not with her,” Natsu pressed his lips into a thin line, like his mouth had grown accustomed to recently. He never seemed to do his signature grin anymore: there was always something stopping him.

“How couldn’t it be love, Natsu? You always talk about her, you’ve preached to me how she changed your life! You’re one of the most romantic people I’ve ever met, but you were never romantic with me. It wasn’t me who you uprooted a tree for. It wasn’t me you turned into a demon for.” Her bottom lip quivered. “I know you want to love me. Maybe you do. But it will never compare. I’m sorry. Let’s end this here.”

Maybe she was right. Natsu watched her as she pulled on her pants and her shirt. He didn’t feel like stopping her from leaving. He didn’t like seeing her cry, but he wasn’t ready to do anything in his power to stop her. Though, his resolve on crying girls had been weak since some time back, considering that he didn’t drop everything in his life to stop Lucy from doing it. He’d become very similar to guys he had no respect for: he hated this.

When she was almost out the door, she stopped a second. Just a split second, hoping that he’d run forward to stop her. A quick glance over her shoulder: he looked like he was in his own world. She wasn’t sure he had ever really cared about her. In her eyes, they were practically kids, just swept away in the heat of the moment. His short obsession with her had only been a quick infatuation in comparison to what he had with Lucy. Everywhere they went, on every date, every topic: Lucy had seemed like a third party in their relationship. He spoke of her like she was the greatest person in the world, and though she couldn’t help but harbor a tiny bit of resentment for her, she also knew that Lucy must be a pretty amazing girl if she had managed to capture a flighty guy like Natsu.

__________

Natsu stayed at that hotel for a couple of days. He’d only told people he’d be gone for the night, back in the morning again, but they didn’t come looking for him despite his brief disappearance. He still couldn’t completely grasp what he’d done, but with every hour in that bed, the place he’d called out for Lucy instead of her in the depths of his passion, he found himself deeper in his realisations: he had fucked up.

He laid in unrest under the tan covers of the hotel duvet. He’d spent the last six months in his life in a daze, and now everything was rushing back to him in waves of regret, making him feel ill. He didn’t know how to fix this: life had turned upside down. He had messed up so badly, leaving his perfect life with Lucy and the guild, for a brief period to feel like a normal, shitty guy in puberty. Was it worth it? Destroying years of intimate friendship, breaking up the best team Fairy Tail had ever seen, leaving Happy behind to have irresponsible fun with a girl he barely knew?

He appreciated the time he’d gotten to spend with her, he really did, but it didn’t compare. Nothing gave him the sense of satisfaction that he’d reach from succeeding at a really silly prank in Lucy’s house. She didn’t give him the butterflies Lucy had given him when she traced flowers on his shoulder in the dead of night.

Natsu was still confused. The relationships he’d experienced were so vastly different: but didn’t he do everything right? He gave the nasty love a chance, to save his love for Lucy from the dirtiness. He thought he’d juggled the two of them, one would fill his body’s desires and the other his soul’s. Lucy wouldn’t have to see him as the horrid person he really was behind closed doors. She got to see everything else: his happiness, sadness, everything that made him the person he wanted to be. Surely she wouldn’t accept him if she knew the dirty dreams that would leave his underwear soaked in the morning. He didn’t accept that version of himself: how could she?

When he stood up from his fetal position in his bed, and finally went to the bathroom to wash his face, he didn’t recognise the person looking back at him in the mirror. It was him, technically. Pink hair, sharp, monolid eyes, pointy teeth. But he had wrinkles between his light eyebrows, his mouth couldn’t curl into his normal grin: his eyes didn’t follow his commands. He pulled at his cheek. Those lips had kissed her more times than he could count. They felt dry, and looked pale in the reflection. These weren’t lips allowed to kiss someone as important as Lucy. No, he was completely inadequate. His hair was choppy, after having tried to cut it back to his normal lengths with a pair of kitchen scissors. Cancer wasn’t able to help him with that anymore, but he missed how soft his hair could feel after 5 minutes under Cancer’s care.

His neck looked thin and stretched out, faint marks from passionate kissing the night before, still left on the sides. For some time he’d at least be able to cover it up with his scarf. His eyes continued to scan what the reflection showed him: his bronzy skin had a gray tint, his hair looked duller, and then those eyes. A bit red from not getting any sleep last night, but more importantly: they had completely lost whatever sparkle they had before. He wasn’t sure when he’d last taken a good look at himself – maybe this dullness came from the break up with her, but honestly? Deep down he knew he’d lost it months ago. It was like the horrible actions he’d consistently made had slowly desaturated him, leaving him an empty shell of what he once was. There was a time when he was proud of what he saw: he was righteous, tough and had a fiery determination – where had it gone?

He threw his scarf back on and went back to bed. Could he really deal with Lucy when he came back? Would she let him talk to her? He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. But in a way, he thought he owed her at least the truth. He wasn’t completely sure what the truth was yet: if it was his love for Lucy he wanted to convey, or his regret over his past actions.

The thoughts churned in his mind like a storm that refused to settle. He turned in bed, his body refusing to settle. Soon enough the night was there again, coming back to taunt him: keep him up at night and make him reflect on the life that had led him up to this. It was all his fault. He had to gather himself though. Not able to figure out where to start, knowing this couldn’t go on. He owed Lucy something – an apology, a confession, or maybe just the clean cut, yet gory truth about what a mess he had become. Even if she slammed the door in his face, even if she never spoke to him again, he needed to face her. He needed to fix at least one broken thing in his life, even if it wasn’t repairable.

Morning light streamed in through the thin hotel curtains. It painted the room in soft, warm tones that felt at odds with the cold knot in his chest. Natsu sat on the edge of the bed, hands clasped tightly together as if trying to stop them from shaking. He’d never felt fear like this – not when he faced dragons, dark guilds, or any of the countless battles he’d endured. No, this was different. This was the fear of standing in front of someone he loved and knowing he had ruined everything.

His scarf felt heavier on his shoulders as he adjusted it. It smelled faintly of ash and campfire – a comforting remnant of the person he used to be. He clung to that thought as he forced himself to his feet. Every step toward the door felt like dragging a mountain, but he kept moving. He didn’t pack anything; there was nothing worth keeping from this place except the lesson it had burned into him.

The guild would notice his return soon enough, and he had no illusions about the reception waiting for him. Anger, disappointment, maybe even indifference – he wasn’t sure which would be worse. But none of it mattered. His focus wasn’t on Fairy Tail, nor on repairing his reputation. He wasn’t coming back to make amends with the guild. He was coming back for Lucy.

As he stepped out into the bustling street, the cool morning air hit his face, and for the first time in days, he took a deep breath. It didn’t cleanse him, not really, but it steadied his steps. He didn’t have a plan, and his words were as jumbled as his thoughts. All he had was the drive to see her, to stand in front of her and let her see what he couldn’t put into words.

Because if there was one person in this world who could look at him, broken and lost, and still see something worth saving, it was Lucy. And for that, he owed her everything.

__________

The streets leading to Lucy’s apartment felt eerily familiar, but every step carried a weight he couldn’t shake. Magnolia was alive as always – shopkeepers setting up for the day, townsfolk chatting – but the world seemed muted to him. His thoughts drowned out the noise, focusing only on the path ahead. He didn’t dare to look up, in case he’d see any familiar faces. The shame and guilt he dragged along him surely made his face look contorted, ugly and fake.

He stopped in front of Lucy’s building and tilted his head up. Her window was closed, curtains drawn. Was she even home? The question almost made him turn around. But his feet refused to move, as if the ground had anchored him there. He couldn’t run anymore.

The staircase felt steeper than usual as he climbed to her door, the wooden railing creaking under his grip. When he finally stood outside her apartment, he stared at the engraved number on the door, a number he’d never thought twice about before. Now it felt like a barrier, daring him to go through with this. 7. The number that had haunted him throughout his life: sometimes as an omen, other times as a sign of luck. He wasn’t sure what it represented today, but he knew he’d been blind for its positive connections for too many years.

His fist hovered near the door. For a moment, he hesitated, his knuckles shaking slightly. What if she didn’t answer? Worse, what if she did? What would he even say?

Natsu gritted his teeth, swallowed the thickness in his throat as his stomach protested in turmoil, and forced the thoughts away. He’d come this far; there was no turning back now. Taking a deep breath, he knocked firmly on the door.

The sound echoed in the narrow hallway, louder than he anticipated. For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of his breathing. Then, faint footsteps.

The doorknob turned, and the door opened just enough for Lucy’s face to peek out. Her expression was unreadable—neutral, but her eyes betrayed a flicker of surprise.

“Natsu?” she asked softly, her voice cautious. Her face was tense, like she was forcing away whatever her feelings tried to express through it.

He opened his mouth, but the words caught in his throat. Her gaze was steady, and for the first time in months, he felt like the world had stopped moving. He hadn’t seen her face this close in months. He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. It was her, his Lucy in the flesh. No, not his Lucy. He couldn’t call her that anymore. He hadn’t been able to for a long time.

“Hey,” he managed to croak out, voice low. He fidgeted with the edge of his scarf, trying to find the courage to say what he’d rehearsed in his head on the way here. “Can we… Can we talk?”

Lucy’s eyes searched his face, and whatever she saw there made her pause. She stepped back slightly, the door opening just a little wider. The air from her apartment leaked out, filling his nose with the wonderful nostalgia of their past life together. His heart ached. He had missed this so much.

“Yeah,” she said, after what felt like an eternity. “Come in.”

Natsu stepped inside, his heart pounding. He looked around, seeing her books stacked in neat piles and her celestial keys resting on the coffee table. Everything was just as he remembered, yet it felt like years had passed since he’d been here. He didn’t see any signs of the life they had lived together in there: the space he’d been given once to put his shoes in the hallway was filled with a pair of her sneakers. He didn’t see his coffee cup anywhere, waiting for him to return for it. The extra chair by the dinner table was gone as well, likely to distract her from the space it held for Natsu.

Lucy closed the door behind him and crossed her arms, leaning against it. “So?” she prompted, her tone guarded but not cold. How was she so calm? No, that wasn’t fair of him. She was probably experiencing the same internal emotional whirlwind that he was: she had just been able to practice hiding it.

Natsu took a deep breath. His fists clenched at his sides as he met her gaze.

“Can… we sit?”

Lucy hesitated for a moment, her eyes narrowing slightly, as if trying to decide whether she wanted to let this conversation happen. Finally, with a small nod, she gestured to the couch.

“Sure,” she said, her tone clipped. “Go ahead.”

Natsu moved toward the couch but paused before sitting. The cushions were the same ones he’d sprawled out on countless times, but now they felt alien, like he didn’t belong here anymore. He glanced over his shoulder at Lucy, who had yet to move from the door. She watched him silently, her arms still crossed.

“You can sit too,” he mumbled, his voice faltering.

Her lips pressed into a thin line, but after a moment, she pushed off the door and walked over, sitting in the armchair opposite him instead. The distance between them felt vast, and Natsu couldn’t tell if it was the physical space or the emotional wall she had carefully raised.

“So,” Lucy said, breaking the silence. Her tone was sharper now, though not unkind. “What do you want to talk about, Natsu?”

He fidgeted, running his hand through his messy hair and pulling at the fraying ends of his scarf. Words fought to form in his throat, but they all felt wrong, inadequate. He lowered his gaze to the floor, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Lucy let out a soft, humorless laugh. “For what?”

Her response caught him off guard. He looked up, startled, and found her staring at him, her expression unreadable but her eyes sharp.

“For… ya’ know… everything,” he said, his tongue feeling thick and clumsy. “How I let our relationship get all… messed up.” His fists clenched on his lap. They felt clammy. “I didn’t know how to deal with stuff, and I – I hurt you. I know I did. And I’m sorry.”

Lucy didn’t respond immediately. She leaned back in the chair, her fingers tracing the armrest as she studied him. He hated how he’d lost the ability to read her. Either he didn’t know how anymore, or she had decided that he wasn’t allowed to: that he would handle her emotions too poorly. He didn’t blame her.

“You’re right,” she said finally, her voice quieter now, tinged with a sadness she couldn’t fully mask. “You did hurt me. I’m embarrassed to admit that, but you… you really did.” She crossed her arms over her stomach, like she was trying to protect it from Natsu, like he’d dig her insides out if left unguarded. “Do you even know what that felt like?”

“I-” His throat tightened, and he looked down again, unable to meet her gaze. “I’m sorry, you gotta understand that I’m bad with words, I-”

“Do I?” She cut in, her voice cutting his heart open. “Do I always have to understand? Because honestly, Natsu? That’s not fair.”

He looked up at her in dismay. She looked like she was fighting tears. Did he really make her feel like this? He wanted to die. Gulping hard, he shook his head.

“N-no. Of course you don’t. That’s…” his voice mellowed out. “... my fault.”

Lucy didn’t answer. She was still waiting for his explanation – why he was here, why he’d found another girl and now didn’t seem to have her in his head anymore. She was still so confused.

“I don’t think I can give you an explanation you want to hear,” he shamefully laid out, observing Lucy’s cautious body language. “I’ll try, but… I’m not even sure where to begin.”

“How- why? Why her? Where did it all come from? Because… back when you still hadn’t met her, I thought the two of us were heading somewhere.” The blush on Lucy’s cheeks could have been from embarrassment or fighting off angry tears: Natsu couldn’t tell. And hearing these questions, he understood that he didn’t have an explanation at all. Because those questions were all without good answers; only words that didn’t carry any weight to them could even begin to describe Natsu’s explanation. Still, he had to give her something.

“I’m not sure when it started, or what got into me.” He felt like a child, trying to face the consequences of his mistakes head on. “I was so happy and content with what we had, it was so perfect. But I… Well, I’m not perfect. I wanted to have an outlet of some sort, and I knew from around the guild that the need I had- or, I guess, still have, is dirty. I couldn’t do that to you.”

Natsu wasn’t sure how Lucy was taking this. He didn’t dare to look at her, in case she was looking disgusted. His eyes were pinpointed to a stain on the coffee table. That’s how he felt: stained and unwanted. Still, he kept talking.

“So when I met her I thought I had the chance to relieve that need. She was nice, pretty and funny, and she seemed to be on board with that initial plan. But I quickly got greedy and thought that I could have you both. Then it got so intense that it all just escalated, and before I knew it there was no turning back. I had a girlfriend and she wasn’t you.”

His ears were making a buzzing sound. There was so much regret inside of him that his senses got dull, and no matter how much he tried to listen for Lucy, he didn’t hear her. She felt out of reach.

“I just… wanted to feel normal,” he concluded. “Everyone else experienced romance, I was… jealous, I think. But I didn’t dare to approach you about it back then. You’re so… perfect. I’m disgusting in comparison. I have impure desires, and I thought that… maybe, just maybe, I could handle those on the side, while still being with you. I never wanted our relationship to change. It’s always been too important, too pure. I didn’t want to jeopardize it.”

Natsu shifted uncomfortably on the couch, his fingers gripping the edge of his scarf like it might hold him together. He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again, glancing down at his hands as he twisted the fabric tighter. He had nothing more to tell her. He’d opened his heart for her, and now his foot tapped against the floor in an uneven rhythm, filling the silence Lucy was yet to break.

“Did…” Her voice cracked. “Did you love her?”

Natsu froze at her question. The air in the room had already felt thick, pressing down on him with all the weight he’d just put out, but now it felt suffocating. He opened his mouth to answer, but the words felt like they were stuck in his chest. Did he love her? He thought he did at the time – hell, he was sure of it. It felt like the right answer, the right thing to say. But now, at this moment, the truth was much harder to pinpoint.

“I-” Natsu’s voice caught, and he slowly shook his head. “I thought I did. I thought I loved her... at first. It felt like... like something real. Something I’d never felt before.”

He finally dared to look up at her, and caught her gaze just as it softened, but her arms remained crossed, as though holding herself together against the uncertainty in his words.

“But you don’t know now, do you?”

“I... don’t.” He ran a hand through his hair, frustration building inside him. “It’s hard to explain. With her, it felt intense, and passionate... like I was... alive, you know? But it wasn’t the same as with you. Not like this.”

Lucy leaned forward slightly, her eyes watching him with careful understanding. “Natsu,” she said gently, “forgive me if I’m wrong, but I think that that wasn’t love. I think… that it was infatuation. Maybe lust. It probably felt intense because it was new, and because you were looking for something you thought was missing. But… I don’t think it was love.”

Natsu stared at her, his chest tight as he absorbed her words. “I... I thought I loved her,” he said quietly, his eyes darting to the floor. “But maybe you’re right. Though… now I don’t even know what love really is.” His voice trailed off.

Lucy exhaled slowly.

“Natsu,” she began, her voice quiet but firm, “I understand you felt something for her. But... lust isn’t something you need to hide or be ashamed of. It doesn’t make you a bad person. But it’s not love.” She paused, her expression unreadable. “Love... love is deeper. It’s not just about attraction, it’s about connection. About seeing the worst of someone and still choosing to be there. I don’t think you understand that yet.”

Natsu’s eyes flickered down, and he clenched his jaw.

“I know it’s different with you,” he said quietly. “I thought I loved her. I... did love her, I guess. But now... I’m not even sure what that was..” Taking a deep breath didn’t help calm his frustration. Why was this so damn complicated? “With you, I always knew it was different. I knew that what I felt for you wasn’t like what I felt for her. It wasn’t just about the physical stuff. It’s always been… more. But I was scared... that I’d ruin all we had.”

“What left is there to ruin though, Natsu?” She was soft spoken, but frank. Natsu knew she was right: he knew his rendezvous meetings with her had crumbled the relationship that he had hoped he and Lucy could keep. He messed up.

Lucy’s arms tightened across her stomach, her face softening but still distant. “You didn’t need to be perfect, Natsu,” she told him, her voice colder than before. “I never needed that from you. Didn’t you think to ask me what I wanted?”

Before Natsu could stop himself, he felt his eyebrow rise a notch. Lucy cleared her throat.

“I’m going to be honest. I didn’t know you valued purity that high. If I’d known, I’d gladly talk to you about it, help you through it. Lust was never the impure thing: our guild mates were the ones treating it as such.”

Natsu swallowed. He still wasn’t sure he had understood her. Lucy catched on quickly, and continued her explanation.

“Look; sex isn’t beneath me. It isn’t dirty – it’s neutral at the least, wonderful, loving and fulfilling in most cases. I don’t blame you for being confused, but what you did, how you treated both sex and her was wrong. Keeping that up wasn’t fair to her or me. But most importantly,” she reached out and poked on his left pec, “it’s not fair to you.”

That poke had felt like an arrow, killing the voice that had been justifying his actions up until now.

“I know,” he said, voice raw, like every word was a struggle. He didn’t dare to hide his shame. Why hide anything, when the cards were out on the table like this? “I know I screwed up. I just... I couldn’t deal with it. I couldn’t face it.” His fists clenched at his sides, the tension in his shoulders tight.

Lucy’s expression softened slightly, but her eyes were still wary. Instead of removing her hand from him, she softly cupped his face. Already he felt like she was purifying him, her touch holly.

“You’re facing it now though. That’s more than I can say that I’ve done. I’m sorry for not catching… all of this… earlier.” She took an airy breath before she continued. “You haven’t ruined everything though,” she added slowly, her tone quieter. “But if you don’t stop running, I don’t know what’ll be left to fix.”

Natsu’s breath hitched, and for the first time, he felt the weight of her words sink in. He leaned forward slightly, into her hand.

“I’m not perfect, Lucy,” he muttered, voice rough with regret, but there was a determination in his eyes. “But I want to try. If you’ll let me.”

Natsu’s words hit her like a physical blow, but Lucy swallowed the sting before it could show. She tried to steady herself, to push past the tsunami of emotions that was threatening to wash over her, but her chest felt tight. He was so honest, so vulnerable in a way she hadn’t seen in what felt like forever. It was painful, but somehow, it was also… so familiar. It hit her: she had missed him.

“I missed you,” she finally whispered, voice thick as she still held back tears. “But I didn’t just miss you, Natsu.” She hesitated, her hands unconsciously tightening into fists at her sides. “I missed… us. I missed the stupid little things we used to do. And it hurts. God, it hurts. Because every time I saw your face after everything, it felt like... like my heart was pulled in two.”

She looked like she was searching for something in his eyes, something that confirmed that he understood what he’d done. Not until her thumb slowly dried a tear off his face, did he realise that he had started to cry.

“I didn’t know how to keep going without you in my life. And now... I don’t know where we’re supposed to go from here.”

The silence that followed made it ring in Natsu’s ears. He stood still, the guilt in his chest growing heavier with each word. He wanted to speak, to apologize, but nothing felt like it could make up for the emptiness he had left behind. How could he explain to her that he never meant for it to go this far? That he had been terrified of facing what he felt for her?

“Lucy,” he started, taking a shaky breath. He only now realised he’d been holding it. “I messed up, badly. I was scared of... everything. Scared of not being enough for you, scared of being too much, scared of losing what we had. I didn’t know how to deal with what I was feeling, so I... ran. Tried to find it elsewhere. I know that doesn’t excuse anything, but I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t know things would end up like this.”

Lucy carefully observed him, her expression unreadable for a moment, then she sighed. “Natsu, I get that you were confused,” she said, her voice quieter, more guarded. “But you still chose her. And that’s not something I can just forget. I wanted us to do so many things. But you weren’t there. I know I’m partially to blame, because I didn’t approach you either, but… you weren’t there for me.” Her shoulders slumped slightly, the weight of her own hurt sinking in. “I just... I don’t know if I can go back to that. I don’t know if I can trust that you won’t… replace me again.”

The tension between them thickened, and Natsu swallowed hard, his stomach twisting. He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. He hadn’t known how to be vulnerable before; he didn’t know how to start now, not with the mess he had made of everything.

Lucy continued, her gaze still wary.

“You weren’t perfect. I didn’t need you to be perfect, Natsu. I just needed you to be here. And you weren’t.” She let out a shaky breath, and for the first time, Natsu saw the pure agony in her eyes, the raw exhaustion of someone who had been holding on for too long. “I don’t know if I’m ready to try again. I don’t know if you’re ready, either.”

The words stung more than he’d expected. He had wanted to make it right, to find a way back to her, but he didn’t know if she could ever feel the same way again. For all he knew, this was the end for them. The real end. Still, he wasn’t ready to let go. Not yet.

“I want to try,” he said, his voice low but firm, his eyes never leaving hers. “I’ll prove it to you. Please.”

The silence between them stretched, thick and suffocating, like it was waiting for them to figure out how to breathe again. Natsu’s chest was tight, his heart hammering in his ribcage like it had never known stillness. His hands clenched at his sides, unsure of what to do with all this feeling that had nowhere to go. Lucy’s gaze stayed fixed on him, the distance between them too much, but too little. She didn’t pull away, not physically. But her eyes were guarded, like they always were now, like she was still trying to keep herself safe. Natsu wasn’t sure what he was doing, but the need to reach for her, to close the space, was so overwhelming he could barely think straight.

His breath hitched, and before he could second-guess it, his body moved forward, drawn to her like he had been all those months ago. There was a hesitation in her eyes, a softness to the way she looked at him that he hadn’t seen in so long. It was like she was still here, in a way he hadn’t expected. That didn't make everything okay of course. She was still hurt, still unsure, but there was something flickering in the way her lips parted slightly as he moved closer.

And then he kissed her.

It wasn’t anything spectacular. It wasn’t smooth or fluid or anything that could undo the mess they’d made. It was desperate, almost clumsy, two people trying to find something familiar in a sea of unfamiliarity. His lips brushed against hers, too hesitant at first, like he was afraid he would break her if he pressed too hard. But the feeling was there, just underneath everything, unrefined. The taste of her, the touch of her, something that felt so real it almost made him dizzy.

Maybe, if he lingered long enough, could he transfer all the words he wanted to say to her, but couldn’t because of a lack of vocabulary; let her feel the emotions he did, as he was more than willing to receive hers. Maybe this kiss could spackle their cracked relationship.

When they pulled away, the world around them still felt heavy to Natsu’s disappointment. Lucy didn’t look at him at first, her gaze somewhere far away. But when she did, her eyes were a mix of things – of confusion, of hurt, of something that looked like relief, all tangled together.

“I’m not... not ready,” she whispered, voice trembling, tears filling her eyes. “I don’t know if I ever will be. But I can’t... I can’t pretend like I don’t feel something, too. I don’t want to let go.”

The words stung, sharper than anything he expected. But it wasn’t rejection. Not really. She wasn’t telling him to leave, to forget everything. She was telling him that they were both still stuck in this. She was still afraid to fall into it, but she wasn’t pushing him away.

Natsu’s throat tightened, and for the hundredth time today, he couldn’t find the words. The guilt of what he had done – of hurting her – was still heavy, suffocating, but at least there was a chance now. A chance to do something different, to prove that he was willing to face whatever came next, no matter how hard it was.

“I don’t know what happens next,” he murmured, his voice rough. “But I’m here. I want to try. I won’t... I won’t give up on us.”

Lucy’s breath caught. There was a flicker in her eyes, a tiny thing that reminded him of the way she used to look at him – soft, but strong, and maybe a little broken. She didn’t know what to say, either, but she could see the sincerity in his eyes, the unwavering determination there, and something in her, something deep inside, softened. She didn’t have all the answers, but she knew one thing: she wanted this.

“I’m not sure either,” she said quietly, her voice calm now, steady. “But I know we can figure it out. We’ll work through it. Together.”

And in that moment, Natsu felt the weight of her words, the promise layed out in front of them. They weren’t whole yet, they weren’t where they used to be, but the foundation was still there – strong, despite everything. They had something real.

And as they sat there, just a little closer than before, Natsu realized that maybe the future wasn’t so uncertain after all. They had a long road ahead of them, sure, but they’d walk it together.

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studentinpursuitofclouds · 3 months ago

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Now that the farmer can have a big ass house with all the beds they want, what if the SVE adventurers (plus canon characters like Marlon) and the RSV ninjas used it as a base of operations when they have joint missions? After all, they wouldn't be collaborating if it wasn't for our dear farmer lol Let's suspend our disbelief and ignore the existance of warp totems and relics and magic for a second. Who would treat it as a fun sleepover/slumber party? Who would be the most normal about it? Who would be so fucking annoyed? Who would share rooms/cook/offer to help with the farm? And if the farmer was married to one of the ninjas or adventurers, how would they manage to balance being a good host with getting some privacy? Don't even get me started with children, I'm sure someone would be stuck on babysitting duty 😂 Anyway Mouse don't worry about replying to this asap, take your time and most importantly have fun!!! sending a tight cyber hug your way 💖

With this situation, Farmer can already film a reality show at their house "My neighbour is an adventurer" or something, it would be hilarious 😂

Love your idea so much, thanks a lot Lotus! Sending you hugs as well 🤗

Warning: there's a lot of text here...

_________________________________________

Isaac:

Isaac will be strongly opposed to the temporary cohabitation in Farmer's house with the "neighbours" for two main reasons. Firstly, it's his pride and the old song about "real adventurers". You know, "only nobles weaklings sleep in their beds until noon, while seasoned adventurers get up at first roster call, and don't need separate outposts to live in" *looks in the direction of one of his colleagues*. Isaac will eat bug meat and sleep outside on his cloak just to prove he's a real adventurer. And secondly, his distrust of the Cult. The Guilds and Cult leaders may have made a truce with temporary co-operation, but that doesn't mean Isaac likes it, and he'll blatantly tell anyone who asks and doesn't ask. But no one asked for the scarred man's opinion, as usual, so here he is in the room of the cosy house in Stardew Valley that Farmer has kindly provided.

Despite the occasional barking in the direction of Jio and Daia, Isaac is a actually acceptable roommate. He doesn't need a big space, only a bed and a bedside table, doesn't rampage, doesn't leave trash, respects the host and the rules of the house, and tries not to interfere with Farmer's family life, if they are already married. Help from him, however, is not expected, but not because of pride. Isaac is not used to civil life. Especially since he's only living here temporarily because of the mission in Stardew Valley and working with the cult, so he'll be busy. Farmer's offer to join them for dinner will also leave him in a bit of a stupor, though he will not refuse hot soup. Everything is so strange, different environment, different life, not like in the Castle Village. There's even something about it (though he's not likely to say it out loud).

Lance:

Well, Lance will gladly accept the Farmer's generous offer to let him stay at their home while the totem shortage and commonwealth with the new clan is resolved. It would save him from wasting time travelling and looking for accommodation in Pelican Town and Ridgeside Village. The price is not an issue, just that the gallant adventurer is still not used to walking around town with civilians, the Guilds and taverns are more familiar to him. He wouldn't be too surprised by the neighbours, as the pink-haired man knew that the Farmer had offered both the Guild and the Cult to stay with them. Relations with the members of the Red Tail Lady Cult would also be ok, even friendly, as Lance believed in their good intentions. Although their methods leave much to be desired, and the adventurer communicates and behaves all the same carefully, so as not to provoke conflict.

In terms of being a roommate - Lance is an excellent neighbour: he respects the rules of the house, the room and things are always clean, and if Farmer allows, he will magically help them in some chores, like cleaning the house (he can do it with a snap of his fingers). Helping out on the farm is a bit different, as Lance doesn't know anything about growing crops other than monster plants. However, he won't refuse help if it's related to his adventurer activities: brewing potions, helping with slimes, that sort of thing. Lance is one of the people who might agree to help Farmer look after their children if he doesn't have an urgent mission. And in the event that he is the Farmer's spouse and lives here permanently, Lance is perfectly capable of finding a balance between living a private life with his partner and providing hospitality to his roommates.

Alesia:

Alesia understands that she is in Farmer's house to save time on important tasks, but sometimes the sniper feels like she's on holiday in Stardew Valley. Still, it's great to be back in her native place, to visit the old Guild, to chat with Marlon a little longer than usual. She's very grateful that Farmer let her and the others stay at their house to save warp totems. Admittedly, the neighbours are giving her.... a bit of a hard time. Alesia's relationship with her Cult members would be something between Lance and Isaac, i.e. unwilling to cause conflict over anything, but not looking for friendship either. They all share a business relationship and Farmer, who pointed out the perfectly rational decision to join forces to fight a common enemy and corruption. But she honestly admits that she doesn't trust the members of the Cult with their methods to fight evil. No offence to Jio and Daia.

As a roommate, she's a dream. Not only does she behave herself at Farmer's house, but she can threaten the other roommates if they start become problematic. Even Isaac will shut up at once, because he knows better than anyone that Alesia is not to be pissed off. Sniper will bring groceries, keep the room tidy, even offer Farmer a taste of her comfort food she's made. Sniper won't be able to help with farming, but if Farmer suddenly needed to feed the cows or carry a couple of bags, she wouldn't mind helping. Within reason, of course, as work is work, and she cannot be distracted.

Jio:

Jio sincerely doesn't understand why they should co-operate at all with the Guilds, who will only get in the way with their moralising and constant surveillance of the Cult's activities. Nor does the elf see any reason to stay the night at Farmer's in Stardew Valley. It's one thing to have these adventurers from the Castle Village, since travelling from that region to here without magic and totems is quite problematic, but why would he and Daia want to do that? Half an hour - and they were already in Pelican Town. But his Lady had insisted that he stay in the house of that old farmer's grandchild for now, so Jio silently obeyed the order.

As for living together with him... *Sigh* If the Republic had a nomination for "Neighbour from Hell" (I don't know if the concept is in Stardew Valley Heaven/Hell, but you get the point), that award would be on a shelf in Jio's room. Because he's... not a good roommate, to say the least. How Daia put up with him is anyone's guess. Naturally, he won't be rude to the host, but all his foul language (human and in elven) will fly in the direction of Castle Village roommates, because Jio has a hot temper when something annoys him (most often Isaac). Always leaves dangerous weapons scattered around the room (not his romm, interestingly enough), bottles of strange liquids and poisons for weapons. You can't expect help in farm chores either, as he's always busy and on a mission. The room is relatively clean (but others have his stuff lying around), so what else do you need from him?

Of course, being Farmer's husband, Jio behaves differently and won't throw dangerous things all over the house, especially if he already has children. But his attitude towards the other roommates, like Alesia and Isaac, is unlikely to change, as Jio still doesn't trust them and fears for the safety of Farmer and their kids. What if they become a tool of the Ministry's manipulation? These adventurers sing about honour, but they have their hands full of blood and black magic, he knows for sure.

Daia:

"Oh, we'll all have a party together, won't we? Everyone will get together, bring some goodies and something drink. It'll be fun~" Daia joked, but to be honest, with this woman you wouldn't know if she was joking or not. Out of everyone, she's the one who's most excited about the idea of staying at Farmer's for a while with Jio's other adventurers from Guilds. The ninja has been wanting to get a better look at the farm for a while now, because there's so much to see here! And she wants to get to know her roommates better ("So this is Lance? Hee-hee, what a cutie. How about we do a mission together~"). Daia genuinely thinks she's going to have a great time here (which really can't be said for the rest of the roommates).

As a roommate, she's in terms better than her partner in Cult, the surly elf, because if you're not scattering shuriken on the floor like Lego pieces, you're already better than Jio. Not counting the constant teasing, which makes Isaac's eye twitch and Jio's voice sit up due to yelling at the girl for her flippant behaviour, it's easy to cohabitate with Daia. For her, it's kind of a normal life she never even dreamed of, so the girl lives quietly in the house and helps Farmer with their chores. Even insists that she be the one to cook a communal meal for everyone. May be the initiator to organise a mini party, "because we're all friends!" (no). Well, at least she, together with the Farmer, can always smooth things over if the other neighbours start arguing. However, she is far from stupid and will exercise caution if the adventurers from Castle Village start going overboard and breaking the rules of their temporary truce.

Marlon:

In general, Marlon didn't see the point of moving into the spare room of the farmhouse, since he lives in Stardew Valley, and he certainly wasn't old enough to walk less. After all, the one-eyed adventurer used to carry Farmer and their belongings on his back almost two or three times a month, from the Mines to their home. So he would quietly continue to fend for himself in his Guild, and wait for the next orders from the Order regarding co-operation with the Cult.

That was until part of the Adventurer's Guild burned down under strange circumstances (it wasn't Farmer, they swear!), and now Marlon is temporarily on the farm while Robin fixes the Guild building.

Poor Marlon thought living in a private room would be quiet, except he forgot to consider that in addition to him, there's the Castle Village and the Cult of the Lady and Red Tail members as well. And it's all one explosive mix. The youths were constantly arguing about something, making noise, and sometimes Marlon could hear the sounds of battle magic (yet, all the rooms were not destroyed). All this noise was weighing on his mind, but in a way, it brought back memories of the old days of his Guild, where the members were also constantly talking and arguing from the very morning, but they all lived as one friendly family.... Marlon himself in terms of a roommate is practically perfect. He would be quiet to the point where Farmer would think he wasn't here. At most, an old adventurer can bark at Isaac and Jio to behave themselves, since they're all guests here.

#sve #stardew valley expanded #rsv #ridgeside village #sdv #stardew valley #sve lance #sve isaac #sve alesia #sdv marlon #rsv jio #rsv daia #rsv headcanons #sve headcanons #thanks for the ask!#it's good to have inspiration again! 💕

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hey-heigo · 4 months ago

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the funniest thing to me in thh is the use of the pre-killing game photos that are supposed to hint at the mastermind's identity. yeah they're all very shocking in the depictions of them in mudane peace and friendly cohabitation. but also. they use like the same celeste_standing.jpg in all of them...these photos are supposed to show how they're all such close friends and spent so much time together and then there's celeste who is Not Fucking Participating

#celeste ludenberg #danganronpa #girl who is NOT compromising the fit for her friends. good for her

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grox-empire · 6 months ago

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Would you guys believe me if I said this was Sims spec bio. Because this is Sims spec bio.

Preemptively begging you guys not to be weird about them being parasitoids please.

Anyways! Meet Daybreak's newest sophont species, The Sixamites! Native to... Well... Planet Sixam, Of course! They are the product of immense amounts of Autism and my hyperfixation on maxis games extending from Spore to The Sims.

These insectoid sophonts are Parasitoids and rely almost entirely on other species to reproduce. Back on their homeworld they have specialized hosts meticulously GMO'd to care for their young, But recent developments have lead to them expanding their horizons. They are extremely friendly towards other alien species, And due to this they tend to form relationships with other aliens. To a Sixamite, Offering someone to bear their young is the ultimate form of affection.

Sixamites cohabitate very well with other species and are found all across the galaxy, Often on planets not colonized by them, But by other species.

#spec evo #spec bio #speculative biology #speculative zoology #The Sims #I know these guys are from the sims originally but there's vague implications sims is canon to spore #and these guys are so far removed from their origin #so. Yeah. I have Autism I can do whatever I want #I beg of you guys not to be weird about them please #speculative evolution #spec zoo #alien #xenobiology #My Art

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hyperpotamianarch · 5 months ago

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Pleasant music playing. The logo of Camp Nephillim appears on a sky-blue background. The logo is a tilted Star of David in which all the points are stylized as wings, with the words "Camp Nephilim" above and the Hebrew equivalent - "מחנה הנפילים" - below. Underneath the logo is a tagline - a quote from the Tanach.

The logo & background slowly fade. The music also fades, though a bit later than the logo.

[Setting: Int., an office of some sort. The back wall is covered with book shelves, with many of the books being in Hebrew - the Talmud, multi volume edition of the Tanach and such books. There's a table in the middle of the room. Behind it sits Tuvia Rosenbloom, an adult Jewish man with curly dark hair, a short beard and sharp green eyes. He wears a blue Camp Nephilim t-shirt, with a Tzitzit under it and a yarmulke on his head. He sports a friendly smile.]

Tuvia (with a noticable British accent): Shalom! Hello, and welcome to Camp Nephillim. I am Tuvia Rosenbloom, the camp councelor, and I'm here to explain to you about what this camp is and why you're here. Your journey here was likely shaking, so in the meanwhile take your time to relax and drink a cup of water while you're watching this orientation video. Please remember to say the blessing before!

[He lifts a cup of water, says the blessing and drinks before continuing]

Tuvia (cont.): So, first thing first: you should know that many thing that you may have thought were merely myth are, in fact, quite real. This includes angels and demons - though they aren't exactly the same as you might've imagined them. No, the whole "Biblically Accurate Angels" meme wouldn't prepare you enough either. Angels can also sometimes appear differently than their natural form, and can even seem like regular humans. They sometimes fall in love with humans, which is how most Nephilim come to be.

[Tuvia's office disappears, to show instead a Chumash opened in the Book of Genesis, chapter 6]

Tuvia (cont.): What are the Nephilim? Well, as the Torah says,

"It was then, and later too, that the Nephilim appeared on earth—when divine beings cohabited with the human women, who bore them offspring. Such were the heroes of old, the men of renown."

[Setting returns to Tuvia's office]

Tuvia (cont.): So, those are the Nephilim, then: children of Divine beings and humans, who are heroes and men of renown. And you are likely one of them.

[Tuvia takes another sip from his cup, then sets it aside]

Tuvia (cont.): You might need some time to digest that, feel free to pause the video for a few minutes. Getting back on topic, though: you are, likely, the child of a divine being. If you always grown with a single parent who only rarely reminisced of another parent you don't know what happened to them - you are likely a Naphil. It may grant you certain abilities relating to the position your divine parent served in the universe. Note, however, that those divine beings aren't gods. We do not worship them or offer them sacrifices, even as mediators between as and G-d. Some of those Divine Beings do like to consider themselves gods and were worshipped by old civilizations - the Greek and Norse pantheons, for example. That doesn't make them any more gods than the Angels known in Jewish lore - they are merely forces. Powerful, but not omnipotent.

[Tuvia pauses for a moment, letting that sink in]

Tuvia (cont.): There are other types of people who might find their way to Camp Nephilim, however. Perhaps you were training in magic under the Egyptian ḥartumim of Per Ankh and felt uncomfortable during Passover; maybe you studied under the tutelage of the Chaldeans in New Jersey, and they were harsh on you during Tisha b'Av; or maybe you were either born with the Re'iyeh, the Sight, or were granted it by an experiment gone wrong. I, personally, am descended from one of the few Jewish bloodlines that inherited the Re'iyeh from one of our ancestors. We can see the hidden world, and the threats within... and they tend to look back. Which leads us to demons.

[Tuvia leans back in his chair, putting his hands together]

Tuvia (cont.): It is important to remember that Demons - or Shedim, as they are known in Hebrew - aren't what you've come to expect from beings with such a name. They aren't evil monsters, hell-bent on tempting you to sin. Rather, they are... adjacent beings to us, not dissimilarly to elves or goblins in modern popular media. However, they are nothing like you may have come to expect from elves of the Tolkeinian kind. They are wilder than them, and prone to hurt humans. They aren't always murderous or impossible to reason with either. Some of them, like our lore instructor Yonatan Shida, are rather friendly. Many of them crave blood, though, and nothing is tastier to them than the blood of the Nephilim, or other humans capable of seeing them. They live in the edges of society and can feel when someone is looking at them. And when you do... when you acknowledge seeing them... you become fair play.

[Tuvia returns to his previous posture, lifts his cup and takes another sip]

Tuvia (cont.): You likely had a significant encounter with Shedim, or maybe other types of monsters, on your way here - but it probably wasn't your first time seeing them. It might have been a man who, upon a second look, had chicken legs. Perhaps you could've sworn that a weird stranger who seemed to follow you had two heads. You may have seen a horse fly on the horizon, or encountered a tall person with an umbilical cord tying them to the ground on a field trip. They were less of a threat to you back then. But yo have grown, and your powers and abilities grew with you - along with the Shedim's ability to sense you. They will be coming for you - which is why you're here. Camp Nephilim is a place for Jewish Nephilim and Ba'alei Shem to train. To get used to the powers granted to us by virtue of our parentage or via other means. We're not the only place for such training; Camp Half-Blood in Long Island offers training for children of entities from the Greek Pantheon, while the 21 Nome of the House of Life in Brooklyn offers training in Egyptian magic, and the Chaldean school in Jersey City will train you in the Mesopotamian vain. None of those, however, is built with Jews in mind: the worship of pagan gods is common in all these places. They don't supply you with Kosher food, tend to not care for our holidays and often enough rife with latent antisemitism. We offer a Jewish alternative - no matter what is your level of observance or what congregation you belong to, you can be sure we have here at least one synagogue you can daven at and one you'd never set foot in. We do not worship any god but G-d here - you can honor your parents in ways fitting the traditions of the Torah, but even if a divine parent asks of you to worship them you are not required to. Another difference between us and the other Camps and Schools is that you aren't trained to slay Shedim here. You're trained to keep them at bay, imprison them if necesarry. Unlike other monsters, Shedim die like humans do, and so killing them should be only taken as a last resort: if your life are in danger you should kill whoever threatens you, but otherwise killing Shedim is like murder. We would ask you to refrain from doing that unless necessary.

[Tuvia gets up]

Tuvia (cont.): That is it for the orientation video for now. Further explanations on your sleeping arrangemnt and schedules will be given to you when you exit the room. Welcome to Camp Nephilim! We hope you enjoy your time with us.

[Outro music playing, the picture of Tuvia's office is replaced by the blue background with the Camp's logo to the side while the credits are shown on screen]

———

Writer wishes to note he knows nothing about writing stage instructions.

#pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #חרשתא #jumblr #judaism #jewish fantasy #Camp Nephilim #Tuvia Rosenbloom (OC)#arch's unfinished stories #I know it's weird #and not very good #an idea I had following discussion on Jewish representation in PJO #don't expect it to go anywhere #a slight crossover #emphasis on slight #hope you enjoy!

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solacebloom · 10 months ago

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Steven Grant x Autistic!Reader

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺

Just some drabbles of what being friends/partners with Steven Grant would look like with an autistic reader since, I myself, am autistic. Autism is a spectrum so I tried to make it inclusive but some of the traits are obviously going to be more geared towards my experience since that's what I'm writing from. Also gender neutral!reader

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺

TW: talking about stimming, autistic meltdowns, cpstd, insomnia, DID

Steven Grant

Steven Grant has a lot of autistic traits, so I’ll be treating him like he is.

Rigid routines, hyperfixations (Egyptology), always calling his Mom every morning, being visibly upset when his routine is changed, etc

CPSTD can exacerbate autism traits so whether or not Marc and Jake have autism in particular I’m not going to get into right this moment BUT

man has insomnia among other things he gets it he understands you better than most.

If you were cohabitating the both of you would have your safe spaces in the flat

On top of that the entire place would be sensory friendly, your little retreat

Overhead light never gets turned on when it’s with you two, Steven keeps the curtains open for some natural light

incense from his involuntary travels would be stockpiled

He definitely has some sort of trinket or keepsake that makes white noise of some kind

Might be a water feature or windchimes hung up by the window- Gus’ tank also emits some white noise from the filter and water pump

The flat will always have some sort of noise to drown out the busy streets outside

When the noises are overstimulating to the both of you though he’s got noise canceling headphones and earbuds- he misplaces them a lot so there’s always extra to go around

Though eventually he gets you your own pair for around the flat

If you use a cane or any sort of walker he invests in making sure you have a spot to put it while you’re around the flat and that there’s actually space for you to walk around with it if needed

While he loves his collections of books, if you can’t traverse the flat with all that stuff on the floor he’s going to find another spot for them. Shoved into a closet somewhere- a storage unit, whatever he can do to keep his books and you

You both definitely stay in a lot more than you do go out

The street just outside the flat is busy but in the quieter hours the two of you go on short walks under the moonlight

If you’re novelty seeking though Steven’s not going to be the best at helping but will do his best to tag along with you if it’s outside of the house.

Sometimes he’s right there with you ready to go out and other times he’s just wanting to stay home, you don’t always match energies

Novelty seeking at home though? Completely different story. He’s always happy to dive into a new topic with you, whether it’s related to his own hyperfixation or one of your own

Insomnia and DID affect his memory so even if he has come to terms with Marc he’s still going to be writing things down, taking notes on the subject you two are diving into

When you need to stim Steven has a TON of trinkets and stim toys around the flat if not already in his pockets

The only thing he wouldn’t share with you is his rubik cube, if that’s not already in his hands while the two of you are talking it’s in his pocket or misplaced on a shelf it’s definitely his most well loved stimming item and he has to fix it, often

Puzzles also! From old crosswords to literal picture puzzles he’s down to do them all with you and will probably be absentmindedly doing one while you info dump

He has a rocking chair somewhere in the flat that’s incredibly comfy and well loved for some full body stimming

I don’t think Steven would have a sensory swing and if he does he was to embarrassed to set up for himself

Like Steven doesn’t hate himself for being autistic

He never learned to mask but there’s still lingering anxieties, they just aren’t focused around his autism, more on his DID and just general trauma

If you or any or the other alters found the swing though there would be some questions and a lot of hesitance and excuses on Steven’s end

Well you bet that swing is getting set up now

Even if Steven doesn’t end up using it as much he’s glad that it’s there if you or him need it at some point

You both do parallel play/being alone together- you’ll focus on your task and he’ll do his while you both are in the same room

Whilst some tasks give Steven the ick he can’t offload all the chores to his alters

So when the dishwasher needs to be opened or dishes cleaned in the sink he has a whole process to try and make it easier on himself

He wouldn’t be good at helping you out with these tasks either but his presence is appreciated

If eating noises are triggering Steven will either fetch the noise canceling headphones or go eat out on the porch or off in another room

Safe foods! He has them written down if he doesn’t already remember them

The flat is stocked with both his and your safe foods

If you’re out of the house he keeps a backpack on him that would have snacks and trinkets

I don’t think Steven goes nonverbal often mostly because I think that version for him is probably just retreating back and forcing the other alters out so that at least someone is talking in whatever situation is happening

I think if it does happen in a safe space with you though he’s most likely writing down his thoughts to you over his notebook

When you go nonverbal he gets a little panicky, because he knows how he feels when that comes up so he’s much more fretful over that

He starts asking you a bunch of yes or no questions to things you may need which isn’t always entirely helpful as it can be a bit overwhelming

But after his anxieties are quelled he’s much more able to help out in whatever you need

Whatever communication device or tool you use he’s more than willing to accommodate and carries around cards in the backpack as well

When you have a meltdown for the first time in front of him he definitely isn’t entirely sure of himself, he doesn’t know exactly what you need so it takes some trial and error

After the meltdown though he asks what you’d like to have happen when another one occurs

Whether you need physical touch or instead a weighted blanket or touch sensation at all he’s ready to help

Whatever entertainment medium you like he’ll put on/grab to keep your mind distracted and calmed

If it’s in public he will probably let another alter handle it since that’s overwhelming for him too though I think he feels guilty about it despite it just being a defense mechanism on his end.

He wants to help you and himself, but part of that is accepting where he’s at and sometimes trying to push yourself is the opposite of what’s needed

#moon knight #steven grant #steven grant x reader #steven grant x gender neutral reader #steven grant x you #steven grant x y/n #autistic!reader #disabled!reader #moon knight fanfic #steven grant fanfiction

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emeritusemeritus · 1 year ago

Text

No Good Deeds [George Weasley x Reader]

Part 8

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Pairing: {George Weasley x Reader} mentions of previous Fred Weasley x Reader.

Timeline: Set a few years after DH, loosely following Canon.

Summary: A few years after Fred’s death, the investors of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes demand changes to the name. All it would take is two years of a fake marriage to fix the issues, but no good deed goes unpunished.

Warnings: Fake marriage trope because we love the cliché. Mentions of death (Fred). Friends to lovers. Slow burn but mentions of kissing and eventual smut. Swearing. George calls us Angel. Drinking. SMUT. The smut has arrived! P in V, oral (both). Angst, sadness, grief. Illusions of cheating, infidelity, Tags will be updated with each chapter. Not Beta-read or spell checked.

This one got a little angsty 🥀

Marriage was known to be hard work, a long running admittance that was shrouded with humour by those who had known the struggles first hand of maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. Fake marriages were undoubtedly twice as hard; especially when actual feelings were involved and had to be concealed.

After the honeymoon, things had turned almost platonically stale, though you had remained friendly and cordial with George, any hope of furthering your relationship was quickly shot down when you fell placidly into roommate rolls rather than anything more. It was like everything that happened on your honeymoon was forgotten, like it never happened.

Day to day, you carried on as normal, working alongside each other and cohabiting in relative peace but there was little to no intimacy anymore. George had begun sleeping in his own room as soon as you returned back from your honeymoon and had made almost no attempt to sneak into your bed again or initiate anything else in between.

It had been nearly six months since the wedding, five months and a little under two weeks since you'd returned from your honeymoon and you'd completely lost hope that anything was going to magically change between the two of you. You'd tried, at least in the beginning, to initiate more and to subtly flirt with him, trying to reclaim all that had been lost but it was pointless.

You'd had sex twice since returning from honeymoon, both of those times has been the consequence of built up of sexual tension: a release of sorts. This first time, you'd split a bottle of wine and had been watching a movie on the couch, sharing a blanket and one thing had led to another until you were riding him into the couch.

The second time had been after a thunderous meeting with the investors, in which they had found out about your marriage and therefore the redundancy of their name change order. Tempers had flared and George had remained relatively calm, if not a little cocky at their reactions which had only riled them up further. He'd kissed you in celebration of winning his case and you'd barely made it through the door to the flat before he'd taken you hard and rough against the (thankfully) closed front door. It had been messy and dirty, prompted by his business victory with a tangle of kisses, bites and wandering hands that desperately clutched at every piece of bare skin they could find.

The awkwardness that had followed the little slip of judgement had been agonising, taking days to settle down between you where you could hardly make eye contact because of your temporary lapse.

You just had to get through another year and a half of being married before you could part ways and accept that it was never going to happen with George Weasley.

The business had been booming and rightfully so as for the first time in a long time, Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes had launched new products, a whole new line of Wonderwitch potions. They'd been an instant hit and though it had been considerably more work for you in the potions department, you'd worked tirelessly and happily to assist the business, and George. George had even taken on two more employees recently for the shopfloor as the demand was too much for just him, Ron and Verity whilst you sorted the back of house accounts, ordering and potion making.

To boost business further, George had also accepted a deal proposed by Zonko's Joke Shop to launch a small selection of his products in Zonko's including a new Pyrotechnic, Thestral Thrasher, which was only available from Zonko's on a limited edition basis. George had essentially locked himself away for the past month in the apartment above the shop which had become his new workshop and there had been multiple nights that you hadn't seen him, had eaten alone and then gone to bed without him ever stepping foot through the door.

Putting on a brave and mildly forced smile, you checked yourself a over in the mirror one last time. Tonight Zonko's was hosting a grand opening party for the Wheezes range that they would be carrying, a hard launch into the new business venture between the two stores. As George's wife you were expected to be there with a smile on your face and a pretty gown, in support of your husband. The whole Weasley family would be there as well as close friends, basically everyone in your social circle. You knew there would be questions that you'd have to deflect all night and put on a performance which had you feeling exhausted already just thinking about it. You hoped Ginny would be deep into wedding planning for her upcoming nuptials to Harry and would dominate the conversation for the majority of the night, maybe if you brought it up with Molly it would twist things in your favour.

You smoothed down the front of your silk dress, having chosen a dark purple shade, a subtle little hint of your support of George. George had always been the 'purple' twin whilst Fred had opted to wear more orange shades, keep subtle nods to the colours of their business even in their everyday clothes. Even after George had lost his ear and Fred's death, he had still continued to wear purple shades, as if it was his distinguishing feature. You adjusted your breasts in the admittedly rather sexy dress and checked your makeup one last time before you left the flat, making your way to the next place you could apparate.

Apparating into Hogsmeade, you were immediately met with a beautiful display of a thriving town, bustling with partygoers and late night customers to the multiple tea rooms that were just about to close.

Walking across to Zonko's, you paused and burst into a smile at seeing a giant orange and purple bow placed across the entire storefront, alongside a sign that said it big, moving letters 'Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes now sold here'. You'd always been proud of everything Fred and George had achieved kid never felt prouder than in that moment, seeing the place you'd spent so much time in during your youth, dragged by the twins to their favourite shop for restocks now carrying their own range, and proudly so.

"Y/n!" You heard to your left, spotting Hermione waving you over as she stood with Ron and Harry slightly off from a crowd of people.

"Blimey, you look nice," Ron says as you walk over to them with a warm smile, greeting them all excitedly. You didn't miss the little glare Hermione shot to Ron at his words and couldn't help but laugh as he relented, looking as uncomfortable in his suit as he had at the Yule Ball, pulling the collar of the restrictive shirt away from his neck.

"Have you seen George?" Ginny says as she steps over to you, throwing her arms around your neck as you greet you sister in law. You smile as her hand finds Harry's almost as soon as you pull apart and shake your head at her, not having seen George at all today.

"Mum's gone looking for him, something about making sure he had eaten enough before the champagne starts but we all know it's because she saw the photographer going inside and wants in on it," Ron says with a mumble which makes you chuckle, knowing he's probably true. "Dad was with him inside."

You nod at the information, casting your eyes back to the building in the hopes you'd catch a glimpse of his red hair but there were too many people.

"Is Charlie coming?" You ask, trying to divert the conversation away from George and receive shaking heads from Ginny and Ron.

"No he's been travelling, following a horde of short-snouts somewhere in Scandinavia. Said he'd make it to the wedding but couldn't get away for this," she explains, opening the door for wedding questions.

You chatted to them for quite a while before Angelina barrelled over to you with her new boyfriend and immediately stole you away. A few hours later, you felt that you'd mingled the night away, dancing through the sea of people getting further and further away from George, who you'd not even seen yet.

"There she is," you hear a voice from behind you and when you turn, you realise that it's Bill. You visibly relax, glad to be in the company of someone you could be yourself around, not having to mingle with investors and acquaintances from your Hogwarts days you'd not seen in a while.

"Being First Lady difficult?" He teases as he wraps is arm around you, a secure and warm brotherly hug that actually helps you relax.

"Horrible, though I'm yet to actually find my husband," you admit with a laugh, looking around for Fleur who was usually by his side.

"She wanted to be here," he says, noticing your gaze for his wife, "morning sickness isn't her friend right now, mum gave her some potion for it but she can hardly keep it down," he replies with a smile. The couple had shared their happy news not too long ago and you were exuberantly happy for them, though you did empathise with Fleur's sickness.

"Well I hope she feels better soon," you say kindly, which he nods his thanks back to.

"Doubt you've seen much of him with all this happening," he says, referring to George with a nod of his head towards the building where you assumed he would be.

"Oh you have no idea," you say coyly, only realising the depth of your statement after the words had tumbled out of your mouth. If Bill noticed any undertone in your words he hid it well and you quickly diverted the conversation back to his work and his unborn child, safe topics to carry you through.

When the fourth round of champagne and various flights of butterbeer, canapés and special Honeydukes iced biscuits that had been imprinted with the signature 'W' slogan came round, you decided enough was enough. You'd mingled long enough and had waited patiently as you secretly sought out your husband but the niggling tension wouldn't go away, you wanted to find George.

You stepped inside the bustling building, seeking out his red hair and tall stature, expecting to see him over the crowd of people but it was near impossible with everyone tucked so tightly together. Each and every time you thought you'd spotted him, it turned out to be one of his siblings, all of them sporting a similar if not identical flame red hair you were looking for.

You had no idea what possessed you but you suddenly decided to slip past the employee only cordon to the stairs and ascend them quickly, hoping no one would see you or notice you'd gone.

George was clearly avoiding you, keeping himself busy with his friends, family and patrons, using them as a barricade to stay hidden from you, no doubt wanting to put a familiar distance between you like normal. You couldn't do this anymore, couldn't pretend that you were perfectly happy when in reality you felt lower than ever, having lost your last remaining best friend. You came up with a story about needing air, about being overwhelmed and needing to fix your makeup if anyone caught you, but thankfully no one stopped you.

You wished somebody had stopped you the second you crept up to the second floor and instantly spotted your husband looking very cozy with the new employee that had started only a month or two ago, both of them huddled together in the dark store room above the shop. The pain you felt was indescribable, like a guttural stab that didn't relent but you couldn't look away from the sight in front of you. They weren't kissing but George was pressed against one of the many racks, her body pressed against him with his hands beside him clutching the racking.

They hadn't spotted your presence and you hardly thought they could, completely wrapped up in each other as they whispered between themselves. You wanted to scream, cry, completely break down but you had no right, trapped in an endless cycle of feelings but without the commitment. You weren't really married, only by law and he was technically free to see whoever- even if he initially said he didn't want to. But it didn't stop it hurting any less.

You had to get out of there, disappear to anywhere where no one was around to see you break down and finally let out the gut wrenching sobs that were threatening to burst out of you at any second. You'd lost Fred and now you were losing George, the pain of your mental statement too much to handle.

You tried to think of a way to escape through the crowd without being noticed but your mind wasn't thinking clearly, you could only think of what was in front of you, the image of them together playing behind your eyes with every blink.

You began to turn away, no longer able to stand there and watch your world collapse and prayed that you could silently retreat without them seeing. Just as you turned, movement caught your eye and you couldn't help but turn back around, silently pleading that you wouldn't have to watch them kiss.

George had pushed her away. Had he seen you?

But then you heard him clearly, his voice raised enough that it carried through the silent, dark room.

"Get off me, I don't want you," he says with conviction as he blocks her with his hands, not enough to hurt her but enough to push her back from him to create distance. "I don't know what you're trying to do but whatever it is, it won't work. I love my wife."

The force of his rather blunt statement hits you like a tonne of bricks, the power of his words actually sounding truthful. The words repeat over and over again in your head like a constant replay and you feel completely blind sighted, the rollercoaster of emotions you'd felt in the past minute too overwhelming.

"But Mr Weasley," the girl says in a rather desperate, whiny voice, trying to reach out for him again.

"What don't you understand? I'm married and I love my wife, there's nobody else I want more than her."

"Y/n."

Your eyes shoot up at the sound of your name and you're met with the green-hazel eyes of George who looks horrified at you standing there, knowing what you'd probably seen and heard. You felt his eyes burning into you, as well as the beady eyes of his companion and instantly wanted to disappear again, feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed at the whole situation. It felt like it physically hurt to look into George's eyes and you just had to get away, this time without any hesitation.

You bolted down the stairs, trying your hardest to stay silent and to not cause a scene. It was like you had tunnel vision, completely ignorant of everything happening around you as you set your sights on the door and pushed past the sea of blurred faces, moving quickly with determination until you crossed the threshold of the anti-apparition jinx and disapparated.

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#emeritusemeritus #emeritusemerituswrites #harry potter #george weasley x you #george weasley x reader x fred weasley #George Weasley #George Weasley fluff #George Weasley smut #George Weasley angst #no good deeds

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