#friend trauma

[gecko-s-greenhouse]

lessons learned from a bad friend

#1: learn to say no. it's far better than ghosting.

summary: this "friend" made it the responsibility of me and other close friends to interpret her non-actions to mean no, she wasn't interested.

example 1: when a group of mutual friends would make plans to go out to dinner, she would often offer only dead silence first on the group chat, then in individual DMs when the group was trying to get a final head count.

example 1a: in another instance, a different group was trying to pull together interest in purchasing some product to reach a free shipping minimum. this "friend" had previously expressed interest in joining a group purchase, but again, when it finally came to the time to pull the trigger, she ghosted both group messages and DMs.

later, when confronted, she would only offer, "well, you should know me by now. i see every message that comes in, and if i choose to ignore it, that means i'm not interested."

um, excuse me. no. you're a grown-ass adult, and part of that is DEIGNING to respond to your so-called friends. what is so hard about, "sorry, i can't make it this time," or, "sorry, i changed my mind, i'll sit out this one." IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON TO SAY NO.

plus, what gives you the right to make someone else be the bearer of bad news? what if the group is getting ready to leave and someone says, "where's [name]?" and then you force the group to either feel bad for leaving you behind, or you force someone else to convey that you're not coming based on what essentially boils down to an assumption because you couldn't be bothered to learn to communicate.

who gave you the platform to foist the responsibility and burden of emotional labor onto your friends? or do you see them as minions? why do you think this attitude of holier-than-thou, i'm above the concerns of you immature twenty-somethings is becoming when you are part of the problem?

[mynnthia]

was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.

to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:

kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him

[skittythekitty]

Why did I ever give these people another chance???

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, I guess.

[chloesimaginationthings]

Michael is very subtle about his daddy issues in FNAF..

[whatevenisexisting]

I want to believe her I want to believe her I want to believe her.

I totally respect she doesn’t want to talk about her sexuality.

But it’s the second part, that she is in a difficult season and that she said she values me, but her capacity is small for us to call or chat over video.

I knew our friendship changed when she left for college.

Before I started college she was married and when I was in college, she already had a baby.

We were in different seasons of life then but she showed up for me when I needed it, she made it clear how much she respects me and still sees me as important.

And I wanted to do the same, I tried to do the same, but she just wasn’t as open with me. Probably because she had a husband and other friends and a daughter.

It makes sense.

I feel like I’ve always seen her as more important to me, and it’s because she WAS so important to me. She is such an amazing friend and was there for me when I needed her and words cannot describe how deeply I value her.

I know she values me.

But those words, I guess they’re triggering.

Does does she mean them?

The “but” part, is that a hint? Does she mean it when she says she values me BUT her capacity is small right now?

Is that all she means?

Is there a deeper message there?

A message that is maybe not something she is saying, just that she really doesn’t view me as a friend and she would not miss me if I disappeared?

It’s happened before. Where I was told I was valued, loved, valued, and lied to.

It’s happened before and that’s why I’m triggered.

I can’t put this on her. I thanked her for being honest and straight with me because it helps my anxiety, and told her friend trauma makes it hard to believe, but I added that at ten years of friendship, I feel like I can trust her.

I hate it. I hate that I said that.

Because even if she reassured me again, I won’t believe her fully. I just can’t.

I don’t experience this with other friends, but I know, because of where we are at in our friendship, that we are secure.

I think the lack of closeness is what makes this friendship feel insecure, even though it’s been this way for a long time. And not in a bad way - more like, it just is. I’ve grown to accept it. We are at such different stages in life and it fucking sucks, but right now that’s just how it is. She’s a mom and a wife and a teacher, I’m a single person living by myself with my cats, bio kids aren’t coming out of me and I only see foster kiddos in my future right now. I finally work a full-time job but since 2017 i was in college, save for most of 2020 (COVID) and a short break after May 2022 (looking for a job for six months).

It’s hard to put all of this into words for me. I want to believe her. Some part of me knows she is being honest but another part of me just. Can’t. Another part of me, the part of me that’s been betrayed and lied to, by one friend in particular, is saying, “She doesn’t mean it. In fact, what’s she saying Liza, is that she “values” you but she wouldn’t be sad if your friendship ended, she wouldn’t care. She sees you as a person yeah, and she respects you, but a friend? Not really.”

“You’re not that important to her.”

But even that is not quite capturing what my thoughts are saying.

I guess what it comes down to is that I’m just. Triggered.

And it’s not her fault. It’s something I have to take responsibility for, and I am, by writing this out anonymously on a blog, and by bringing it up in therapy tomorrow.

I have to believe her.

There is no reason to not believe her.

Here is what I’m saying to me in closing:

A, her actions were as empty as her words. She didn’t show up when you needed her, she didn’t even try. She made it clear to you that she didn’t see you as a friend anymore because of her actions, even if what she said was different. She lied to you, and you have every right to be hurt.”

“You were not important to her.”

Because of what she did, it makes sense that you are triggered and anxious in this moment.

But V? She hasn’t done this. Her actions always matched her words, in whatever way she had capacity and time for. When you told her you felt like she didn’t care, she called and left voicemails. When you were first in college, she sent you sweet cards Just Because. She invited you to her wedding. She let you visit her and her husband and her daughter. She is honest with you, telling you that she doesn’t have a lot of capacity but still values you. She is honest with you by setting her boundaries. She sometimes heart reacts your stories, or replies to what you send her. She acknowledges you.”

“You are important to her.”

V’s actions match her words.

It is allowed to hurt because you do want to be closer, but it is not something she can give right now. And that’s okay. It is okay to hurt just as much as it’s okay for her to have set that boundary.

The two can co-exist.

I was supposed to talk about my mom in therapy tomorrow but this is what I feel may need to be more important, at least in the moment. It might change. That’s okay.

Time to get back to dinner.

[thatrandomblogsays]

Percy: *sacrifices himself to save his friends*

Grover & Annabeth: having PTSD flashbacks

[seventeendeer]

ppl are too quick to point to laios' disability as the reason his friends think he's a freak sometimes. so many instances of laios getting yelled at are, in my eyes, a case of "this guy had to emotionally mature very early in order to be there for his little sister" combined with "much older friends who never had to learn to manage their own emotions to the same degree"

a lot of the time he's right about needing to be more direct/deal with things in a way that may seem scary/needing to put your gut reaction aside. he tries not to make his friends uncomfortable and he puts up with a lot because he's trying to keep the peace, but he also pushes the others out of their comfort zones purposefully to try to get them to think more constructively. everyone else in the party is prone to acting on their gut instincts and avoiding uncomfortable situations even when facing them head-on is very much necessary. part of what makes laios such a great leader is the fact that he knows from experience how to put his own feelings aside to help someone else grow.

yes, he does make a lot of social blunders by accident and he does struggle to connect with others, but not all of his positive influence on others is accidental or "despite" making people uncomfortable. a lot of the time, I think it's clear he knows exactly what he's doing and he's trying to help the people around him process emotions in a healthy way as they all go through some truly harrowing shit. all the main characters support each other as well as they can with their unique emotional skillsets. laios' skillset just happens to be "gently talk child into eating her vegetables"

[leos-regression-cove]

Nursery/Daycare idea:

A growth-chart style graphic for Littles next to the door of the nursery that functions similar to a clip-chart so that Caregivers don't need to use cues from their Little to figure out how old they feel and so that Littles don't need to pick a hard number, but instead it's more organized by "height" (more like baby, toddler, preschooler, elementary school, middle school, middle and adult).

And then if you have two Littles you can have multiple clips and kiddos and move them around to keep track. This could also be helpful if you're a flip or are working with another flip!

Here's how I envision it looking :D

Original image from firstgradegalore.blogspot.com

[ciderjacks]

thinking again about how much trust he had to have in Laios to recommend his own daughter in case he dies

[lilac-diatribes]

[casstars]

in the aftermath of 1-2

[skittythekitty]

I trusted you with my life and when the moment arose, you left. Why aren’t I over it yet?

[bugcatcherkit]

Man that sure is a Situation where two 14 year olds push the limits of each other’s trauma responses until they both reach extreme breaking points. and then they deal with the aftermath basically all by themselves. Isn't that super awesome and totally not kinda fucked up at all.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Council of lovefools.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[bluerosefox]

Stellar Dynamics

You know what.

ANOTHER DPxDC idea (as if I write prompts for anything else lol ✍(◔◡◔)

And once again, I think I might have a hyperfixation rn, another deaged Dani (Ellie) and Dan (Dante)! and Dad!Danny.

And you know what, lets make it another DannyxConner idea.

Danny is on a field trip with his class (NOT in Gotham though, LOVE Gotham but lets go with a different city) in like Central City or Metropolis (If Metropolis, Danny is SUPER excited to see the space sections they have at the museum they no doubt have, because well SUPERMAN is an alien and based in their city. If in Central City Conner is visiting Bart.)

During the trip he bumps into Conner and the two just hit it off. Conner enjoys listening to Danny rant about space and the stars and finds watching Danny's eyes light up in joy kinda cute. And if he got his new hero name Supernova from listening to Danny's rants about the stars well... no one needs to know how he got it.

Danny likes how chill Conner is and how the guy stood against Dash and the other jocks when Dash decided he wanted to mess with Danny during the trip, a rare thing nowadays but sometimes Dash does try, and how he respects/likes Danny's friends.

He didn't even say anything negative or hurtful when he found out Danny has two kids back home.

In the end the two exchange numbers, flirt hard, and maybe set up a date in the future. And then more dates. Becoming boyfriends. AND meeting the family. Conner is smitten with just out of toddlerhood Ellie and toddler Dante and adores them. And he loves how the Fentons just love him the moment he stepped into their house and was introduced as Danny's boyfriend, he made sure to bring over a pie Ma should him how to make.

Things get a bit complicated when Conner, Supernova, is at a reunion of YJ members and his phone lights up with a text message from Danny.

He's smiling with a goofy/soft look when he opens the text and see's its a picture of Danny holding a pouting toddler Dante and Ellie on his lap smiling with a notable gap in her teeth at the camera. The message he got was 'Ellie wanted you to know she finally lost her first baby tooth. Dan's been grumpier, I think he misses you.'

He is pulled out of his happy thoughts and musings when he hears Bart gasp hard and drop a bowl of snacks onto the floor. Conner turns to from the future Speedster and see's him about to have a panic attack.

Bart, Impulse, is having a freak out after catching a glimpse of the text picture Conner had gotten and being nosy wanted to know what got his friend to smile so smitten. He knew of Conner's current boyfriend and the kids Conner adores but haven't had time to be introduced to them or even see a pic.

He wasn't expecting to see the very MONSTER of his NIGHTMARES that basically destroyed the world in the FUTURE as a toddler pouting at a camera and surrounded by two smiling identical looking people either. People he never saw in the future or with HIM AND-

Oh.... OH!

Was that why he turned evil? Did something happen to his family?

[bigfatbreak]

"what's the biggest difference in Tom's character in the dad villain au" you've never seen a papa-bear go so grizzy mode so fast