#fresh meat headcanons

[unclefathersantateddy]

New & Improved Fresh Meat Teddy!

When Denise left, the divorce hit Teddy hard. He stopped sleeping, developing severe insomnia, which started detiorating his health. His skin lost colour, his eyes started to hollow and form intense under-eye bags. His every thought was enveloped with Denise and the life he had lost. She was not good for him, but she was his everything.

Her absence triggered Teddy's abandonment issues that began with his parents' constant arguments, all he knew from his early life was that love is conditional, and if he was not useful, all his loved ones would leave eventually. He was desperate for consistency and stability that he simply had never experienced. These thoughts are what kept him up at night, all night, every night. These thoughts are what he needed to escape from, so he started going for night time walks in seek of distraction.

Wandering the streets at night exposed him to specific vices that he quickly learned were not for him. He wasn't a brothel man, nor was he a stripclub man. These options were fine, but they did not fill the void in his head and heart. He was a family man through and through, no amount of anonymous sex or drugs could pacify that.

So it came as a great surprise when he stumbled across a dingy diner, open much later than any other greasy spoon on Ocean Avenue. He hadn't seen this restaurant open during the day, maybe this was a soft-opening night? But there was only one customer inside, the owner of the morgue next door. "Not much of an opening" he thought to himself, looking through the greasy door window.

*Ding!* the bell chimed as he opened the glass door, which he noticed was slick to the touch. Rubbing his now-slimey hand on his slacks, his eyes arose and were immediately met with the furrowed gaze of the ethnically ambiguous, explicitly balding-yet-hirsute, angry-yet-perplexed-looking man behind the counter. "What can I get for you, champ?" emerged from his mustache-covered mouth, in an unexpectedly welcoming tone.

"Champ", a word Teddy had not been called for the better part of 30 years. A word so far-removed from his identity - yet remarkably familiar - coming from this otherwise-unyielding stranger, invoked an unfamiliar feeling.

A feeling that Teddy couldn't pinpoint. A feeling that made time stop. A feeling that Teddy wanted to last forever.

"A cheeseburger, please." The mustachioed man nodded.

Little did Teddy realise, that nod would be the start of something like never before.

[inamagicalhallucination]

sometimes i think about how for every wish that dazai makes seriously or jokingly about dying, how many ppl probably wish he lives for another year

[senditothemoonn]

Ali and animals? yes please ill eat that shit up

Realised I’d never drawn him with a coo and had to rectify that immediately

[tatatatatara]

Alright freaks, what are your headcanons for your blorbos' eating habit?

[techniiciian]

@prvtocol asked: hc + 🥣 for a food-themed headcanon

Matt is not a picky eater. he'll try just about any food twice. he even eats bugs! those however are a hit and a miss; mostly a miss. the only exception to his "i'll try anything" rule is mushrooms. Matthew does not like & is slightly allergic to them fungai. it's no fun to this guy at ALL.

[jamesmarriottistrilingual]

Kingsley from Fresh Meat has autism

[arachne4]

He's a growing boy he needs to grow big and strong

His metabolism has probably quickened too so I know his ass is eating all the time he's a hungry guy

i see a lot of wesker content is about domestic fluff like making meals for one another!

but post-arklay... just imagine... he has the prototype t-virus now. wesker's caloric needs are vastly different. the man could run a mukbang channel without any unhealthy eating tactics with the amount he must now consume to maintain his weight and appearance and prevent the virus from turning him grey and sullen.

something that has changed about him, most intriguingly, is his taste. his desire for exceedingly fresh cuts of meat prepared blue, an uptick in umami and savory taste receptor activity. he's even had to wipe his face before a meal once, salivating gratuitously to the point of drooling and falling deathly silent in equal parts exasperation and embarrassment, so different from the composed, gentle menthol of a quiet man you'd come to know.

you buy a lot of fruits now, purposefully picking out the granny smiths, plantains and pineberries, anything a little less on the sweet side for his shifting palate. you even begin to grow cucumbers to pickle for him. your kitchen, once full of small, lively rack-pot plants like oregano and sweet basil now sports fast-growing savories like chives, fennel and dill.

cooking with a crock pot becomes ideal. a batch to you is a meal to him, so you can set it up in the morning for the evening.

you make a tray of cookies and he eats them all! he'll be hungry again in thirty minutes. he would prefer a bit more salt next time. maybe you could experiment with higher protein concentration? he does not elaborate, but he is polite.

wesker, of course, affords you the same small details when he cooks for you. he doesn't push to encroach on your own dietary choices, even if they're far different from his newfound primary carnivory. he consciously portions things (though sometimes he heaves a bit too much for you), leaves the salt until the end so that he can salt just his own half, and ensures every raw item reaches a satisfactory internal temperature for the time you need.

[kitcat22]

One Au headcanon of mine is that the reveal of the abuse suffered by the Coruscant Guard is vital in finally pushing the Clone Rights Bill through.

It may be easy to ignore the slave status of an army fighting planets away from you, it may be easy to believe all the propaganda that they’re mindless meat droids or their existence is causing problems when you feel unconnected and to them and lacking in responsibility.

But recorded, undeniably evidence that in the centre of the democracy, right next door to you, the people you elected are beating, assaulting, all together abusing a group that cannot fight back? A group that although you often dislike their presence, was meant to be defending you?

Its a lot harder to deny the clones’ humanity when you’re staring at the bruised, crying face of a boy who looks like he’s fresh out of highschool, rather than a plastoid helmet.

Suddenly your representatives seem no better than the huts.

This would cause riots.

Planets are pulling the senator back home as their populations bay for blood and suddenly the only people in the senate are the ones who do support the clones and passing the bill becomes a whole lot easier.

[pillow-anime-talk]

goddess of peace.

request: can you do any record of ragnarok’s gods character with a female reader who is like zhongli from genshin impact?

# tags: headcanon; strangers to lovers or current relationships or marriage relationships; light romance; a bit of fluff; goddess!reader; calm!reader; sfw

includes: female reader ft. hades, poseidon, heracles, loki & beelzebub {ror}

author’s note: yaaaay first ror request!! gimme more

— HADES

↘ You impressed many gods with your ever calm expression and voice that soothed everyone to sleep or healed mental wounds. No matter what you said, your gentle, almost shy smile and willingness to help made everyone on Olympus and during important meetings agree with you, although you often asked them to oppose your ideas in case of objections.

↘ Many deities gossip about your marriage to Hades – Lord of Death and King of the Underworld. Hades was the man feared by the entire Greek Pantheon, a class of his own and a god who had lived in solitude for thousands of years, his only friend for eternity being himself. So how did a beautiful, gentle, nature-loving woman like you fall in love with him and decide to live in Helheim? You were, after all, the Goddess of Calligraphy, The protector of Artists.

↘ The answer is very simple though. Hades is a secretive romantic and though the flowers you got from him were always withered, they were always the most beautiful gift you could receive because you knew his feelings were sincere. So, although you often missed the view of the sky, the warmth of the sun, running deer or the view of lakes and fields stretching from Mount Olympus, life with Hades was really wonderful, and he was a gallant gentleman bravely leading you by the hand.

↘ Your aura full of peace and nostalgia for the world of the living gave the underworld colors and warmth.

— POSEIDON

↘ Your close friend was Zeus, who one day organized a grand banquet for an unknown occasion. As his good friend, the Goddess of Science and Philosophy, you sat right next to him at a huge, round table on which meat dishes, all fresh fruits and vegetables, as well as sweets and wine barrels were arranged. Right next to your left sat the King of the Seas and at the same time the older brother of your best friend. Poseidon never got to know you, though of course he heard your name more than once when he spoke to his brothers and the other gods of Olympus.

↘ You were the definition of calm and prudence; your sparkling eyes studied each guest attentively, and you listened to each story with the greatest concentration. From time to time you answered questions from other, more important gods, thanking for each compliment, remark or approval. The fair-haired man didn’t say much that evening, but for the first time in ages he stayed at the table until the end of the meeting and sometimes, without a word, offering you another glass of alcohol or fresh fruit (in his mind, throughout the party, he wrote the dishes you tasted and the sweets that made the biggest smile on your face).

↘ Poseidon was delighted with you, though he couldn’t admit it. Of course he would never do that, especially among other Greek deities. This would create gossip and unnecessary attention to him. He also didn’t want you to feel embarrassed by unpleasant questions or comments.

↘ At the end of a meeting that seemed to last for years, everyone slowly returning to their realms. You also thanked for the meal and amazing company, saying ‘Goodbye’ to Zeus and the others. Poseidon followed you wordlessly. Before the handsome god submerged into the cold water, in gratitude for the nice time he gave you one of the seashells he once found at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Its shell was white and sparkled like a diamond. Before you could thank him though, Poseidon disappeared into the sea foam and you blushed hardly.

↘ In the world of the gods, giving another person a gift related to the profession of a patron was equivalent to a confession of feelings or a proposal.

— HERACLES

↘ Heracles from the first time he saw you (more than two thousand years ago) knew that you would be his and would do anything to protect your beautiful soul and precious smile. You were the Queen of the Forest and Meadows, so your nature was calm, patient and also timid. Heracles, on the other hand, as a hero and a man for whom respect for a woman was in the first place, of course, wanted to show you how much you mean to him and how precious flower you are.

↘ His behavior and feelings were very visible. He was like a teenager in love with a huge smile and a fast heartbeat whenever he received words of gratitude from you or small compliments about his strength, agility and acts of heroism towards animals or people.

↘ He is literally delighted and acts like a five-year-old after receiving a candy when you agree to go on a date with him. He probably stays awake for the next week, not eating, and begs Aphrodite and Apollo on his knees to help him with his hair and clothes. He is more than stressed when he thinking about your meeting, but he does not forget for a microsecond a bouquet of your favorite flowers, which he gives you with a shy smile, telling you how beautiful you look that day.

↘ When you thank him for them and take his strong, slightly rough from fighting hand, he almost faints, but don’t worry. It will definitely be the best date in the history of the Greek Pantheon.

— LOKI

↘ You are his opposite. No one among the Norse gods (and in general all deities that exist) understands your relationship and sincerely sympathizes with you, because Loki is the biggest rascal and jester. However, you don’t think you need sympathy or sad looks; on the contrary – next to him you feel really safe and good. This boy is very considerate of you and really appreciates that someone like the Norse Goddess of Poetry took an interest in him and gave him her fragile heart.

↘ Of course, he’s still a bit mischievous towards you, but his pranks never make you angry or sad. It’s more like jokes about Loki turning into an animal or running away from your kisses, flying high so you can’t reach him.

↘ God of Mischief is like a faithful dog when it comes to you. He always stays close to you, always takes a seat to your left, always looks at your interlocutor with bored eyes, and always tries to get your attention with loud laughter, singing and questions. He is a little attention hoe.

↘ Loki, alone with you, is a little poetry expert who brags to you how many books he has read and what new achievements he has made. He is concerned when he sees your sadness – then he tries hard to cheer you up with silly faces and at the same time puts on a mask of seriousness when he sees that you need a longer and serious conversation. Of course, then he will fly away again and pretend to be a mosquito, but as soon as he comes back to you, he will give you a million kisses. After all, you have exactly eternity for your love.

— BEELZEBUB

↘ He was horrified when he realized you were more than just a friend to him. He decided to distance himself, but you quickly knocked that idea out of his head, proposing a conversation. Of course, your calm voice and small smile immediately soothed the God of Darkness and made him believe that he would be happy with you.

↘ Being the Goddess of Light and Life was completely at odds with who you married after many years. You were like a beautiful tulip and he was a dried chrysanthemum. Extremely different, but perfectly complementary in terms of your characters and feelings. Your calm nature always soothed Beelzebub’s racing thoughts and his sad eyes, which still seemed not to understand why you gave your precious heart to the one possessed by Satan.

↘ However, you were happy with him and although his hand was always cold and his face was pale and often without a smile, you thought that he was the man you wanted to live with until the end of the world and one more day.

↘ Beelzebub had to admit it – he was damn in love with you and your beautiful aura was what honestly illuminated his previously bleak life. From the moment he met you, the man wanted to live and develop again. With such a queen by his side, nothing could destroy him.

[possum-fiend]

CHAT I ACTUALLY FINISHED :0

This took like way too long to finish, but it was fun and actually turned out kinda good?!?!? (for my art at least)

Anyways, hope y'all enjoy! For folks who may not have seen my previous post when this was unfinished, this was an AU where Wirt grows up to be like a HS English Teacher cause it just fits really well for him tbh (and I'm obsessed). I first got the AU idea from the fic "Will 'Cook' for Food" by @skimmingmilk and @sylwritesstuff (I thought it was a lot more popular of a headcanon like Writer!Dipper but alas it's only in like 3 fics).

so...yeah :p

TEXT UNDER THE CUT

**I typically go right to left then top to bottom like the Westerner I am

Top Left- Boxes:

Color Pallet (Title)

Skin and Hair (Sub Label)

Clothes (Sub Label)

Top Middle/Left- Full Body Wirt Doodle:

Homosexual Lookin' Ass

(/affectionate)

(/me too, king)

Expectation ->

Top Middle- Wirt stressed @ his desk

Reality ->

"How the hell do I turn a power point into a GOOGLE SLIDES!?!"

Top Right- Title Card

English Teacher AU

Top Right- Greg Doodle

Greg Cameo

Middle Left- Adult Dipper Doodle

"..."

Dipper.exe has stopped working

In my head, they are boyfriends or husbands

Middle Middle- Eepy Wirt

underpaid teacher-core

Middle Right- Dead Inside Wirt

me when the district won't fund the arts or classrooms but will drop a cool mil. on lawsuits to pray at meetings

Based on my childhood school district... in Southern Cali

[side bar as I'm making this alt text, no one I know uses the term "Cali", it's just So-Cal or California, but it didn't fit as nicely in that area. You didn't need to know that but I needed you to know that. I just hate that word for some reason.]

Bottom Left- Experienced, Older Wirt

"I'll wait"

Experienced Teacher (like 10 yrs (ish))

Bottom Middle/Right- Panicked, YA Wirt

"um-uh, please q-quiet *unintelligible whispers*"

1st year "fresh meat" Teacher

Bottom Right- just text

Empty Space :p

**If y'all have any concerns or advice on how to make my alt text better, please let me know. I'm trying to balance accessibility and my sanity, but I'm far more experienced in other realms of d.a. accessibility

[unclefathersantateddy]

Can't believe Hugo is the Fresh Meat character with the most angst lol.

He's not only heartbroken that Linda left him for someone else, but he's DEVASTATED to discover the person she left him for is absolutely repugnant.

Like canon, Hugo is a stickler for rules, regulations, and policies. But Fresh Meat Hugo is slightly more extreme with his affinity for cleanliness. He sees cleanliness standards as quite binary, you either meet/exceed his standards, or you're gross.

Fortunately, Hugo is the (day shift) health inspector. So he isn't the designated inspector for Bob's restaurant, which is primarily open at night. So he's not aware of the Exact Type of Business(tm) that goes on there. He's just aware that there's a Greasy Diner that BARELY passes regulation, which immediately causes him to disdain the owner, initially on a purely bureaucratic level.

It's not until Hugo's (at work) in the office, a (night shift) health inspector (probably Tommy Jaronda) discusses that he performed at Pesto's Pizzeria the night prior, mentioning seeing a "beautiful dark haired woman with the biggest red glasses and a milf ass that won't quit" drinking at Pestos, claiming to work at the diner opposite. This piques Hugo's attention and interest. He knows that description all too well. Triggering his obsessive neuroticism, Hugo needs to know if it's her- the love of his life. The one that got away.

So he visits Ocean Avenue. Finds Pesto's and of course the diner opposite. "This? This is the place of 'Bob the hot shot restaurateur'? It can't be, this place is disgusting." Hugo thinks aloud.

"Uhhhm, thank you?" responds a hoarse and awkward voice coming from the dirty, mustachioed man, who had previously been sweeping the sidewalk.

Hugo's heart sank. This couldn't be the reality. Is, THIS, Bob? Bob the hot shot restaurateur?? It couldn't be. Linda is a classy and sophisticated woman with standards. She wouldn't... She wouldn't??? No, of course she wouldn't. You two were engaged for crying out loud!

"Bob?" the one and only word that Hugo could utter.

"Um, yes? I mean, yes. I am Bob. Do I know you? Or- I mean- do- did you want a burger? Business hours are normally later than this."

This stammering greaseball is Bob. The Bob. THIS, is who Linda - the love of your life, the apple of your eye - left you for.

C R A C K.

Not a cloud in the sky, yet a bolt of lightning shoots through your heart and mind. You feel your soul being torn in two. Your reality crumbles and dissolves away.

What is this feeling?

It's,

Hatred.

[wordstome]

Satyr!König Headcanons

Yesterday I was talking with the lovely @kneelingshadowsalome about her satyr König au, and boy, did we cook. Good morning Finland, it's time to take some hairy goat man cock! (Most of these are adapted from our DMs! Headcanons in bold are by Salome, with minor changes)

It's just König's luck, really, for him to finally get his hands on a pretty little nymph to fuck and fill with his potent seed and she runs off on him! And now he's certain that she's hiding from him, which has him absolutely fuming. If she's going to play this little game, he'll just have to hunt her down...

Meanwhile, she’s freaking out because her monthly blood is very, very late, and she suspects that awful satyr is to blame. All her little nymph friends are sympathetic, but they did warn her!

She may be sulking about her predicament, but part of her becomes wildly jealous when she sees her friends are "torturing" the poor satyr. Never even wanted to see that big hairy pervert again, but also doesn't want others to frolick around him even if he's chained to a tree!

The little nymph does end up feeling sorry for the man, so when it's nighttime and all her friends have scurried away, she creeps up to him quiet like a mouse to free him. Of course, she ends up getting a pounding for all her troubles...what did she expect?

He's not making the same mistake letting her go again! He makes good on his promise to lick her to completion, and then she just curls up and falls asleep...silly, silly thing. Giving him the perfect opportunity to scoop her up and whisk her to his lair. Her fellow nymph sisters wail and cry and demand her return, but König's not telling where he's keeping her squirreled away.

She's stomping mad about her new situation. Not only is she separated from her sisters and unable to live free and wild in the sunshine as she used to, but she and König are always bickering and arguing, ending up more often than not with him folding her into a mating press...

She's offended when he brings her fresh meat to eat, which of course confuses him. He had only meant to show how strong and competent of a provider he is, hunting for his woman, but his difficult little nymph has the nerve to turn her nose up at it and scold him. Doesn't he know nymphs only eat berries and flowers and other gifts that the earth gives to nourish them?

Of course she tries to break out of the dark woodland prison he's keeping her in, but the first time he catches her, he only gives her a terrible smirk and shows her the exit. She's welcome to leave, but he lives in the dark, deep part of the woods that the nymphs don't dare trespass in, where hungry wolves and other awful satyrs live...

Naturally, she would never risk being caught and taken to some other horny satyr's lair. At least here he gives some care to her wellbeing and all the attention a sulky little nature spirit could want...

He is trying, she supposes...he's stopped bringing her all that awful bloody meat to eat, he makes her a soft little bed of grasses and flowers to sleep on, and treats her like a fussy little princess. But she can't start growing fond of him...!

König, meanwhile, is on cloud nine with his pretty little nymph. she stays right where he wants her, always pouting and mewling for his attention, and only fusses a little bit when he warms his cock inside her. what more could a nasty satyr like him even want?

It becomes endearing, how well he provides all she asks for. Not that she's ever going to show her feelings to him of course. Just happens to twirl the hair on his chest around her fingers before she falls asleep on his lap...

Falling for this nasty old faun isn't what she signed up for when she straddled him that day. But she also can’t complain, because he is good with that tongue of his…

So good she can't even find it in herself to be mad when he pervs on her when she's resting and trying to get some sleep:

It’s nighttime when she’s woken up with a start. Probably just König back from a hunt, hopped up on adrenaline and ready to breed her again. But to her horror, it’s some other strange faun man, leering at her with dubious intent. Turns out there are downsides to making your little pet nymph scream with pleasure every night: namely, that the wrong person might hear...

Ordinarily, she would have no trouble fleeing or fighting back, but she’s just not used to the dark wood and hard packed dirt of this part of the forest, and finds herself frozen with terror as the stranger approaches her. He’s nowhere near König’s size, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be giving her a tough time.

Then she hears a very familiar roar, but this time it’s not of frustration or pleasure as she's used to hearing it, but raw anger, and she knows her satyr is back and very much not pleased to find an intruder menacing his little nymph. Nymphs are no lightweights when it comes to offensive magic in their arsenal, of course: König's already learned that the hard way. But they call him the king for a reason...his powers are a different ballpark entirely.

The intruder barely has time to beg for his life when König is summoning forth thick, thorny vines to ensnare him, causing the other satyr to holler in pain. The nymph knows what's about to come, and stuffs moss into her ears just as the sound of pan flutes fills the air. She watches in a mix of horror and intrigue as the intruder writhes and panics, tearing himself to shreds on the thorns...

It's over quickly, and the whole ordeal sends her trembling into her soft little bed of moss and grass. There's a brief period of time where she knows König is disposing of what's left of the intruder, and then she feels his gentle touch on her back.

She sniffles as she meets his adoring, half-crazed gaze. She knows she should be petrified of him, considering she just watched him drive another man to such madness that he ended his own life in the most painful manner possible. He's rubbed off on her in a terrible way, though, because all she can think of doing is spreading her pretty legs for him...

Haha anyway hope you guys enjoyed those headcanons! Maybe König's satyr madness will seize me again sometime and I'll write more :)

PS. The Greek god Pan, who is very notably depicted as a satyr, is known for two things that he lent his name to: pan pipes and the word panic. The origin story of the pan pipes is that he was chasing a nymph, who turned herself into reeds to escape him. He then proceeded to turn those reeds into an instrument he could put his lips all over....nasty!

[soldat-buck]

i had a vision while making coffee this morning

bg3 culinary headcanons: Companion Edition

- Shadowheart: absolute zero regard for contamination while cooking. kitchen habits of a permanent bachelor. licks the tasting spoon clean and keeps using it to cook. eats hot cocoa straight out of the container with a spoon. thinks pouring ranch over an entire head of lettuce and eating it like feral animal while holding it over the kitchen sink counts as "salad". if you can get past the contamination thing, the food she makes actually tastes pretty good, even if it's sometimes odd (she cooks like a stoner, despite being perfectly sober. she is just Like That).

- Astarion: perfectly capable of cooking, and actually can cook quite well. food may not taste the same after becoming a vampire, but his enhanced sense of smell tells him nearly everything he needs to know about how to season and cook food properly. he doesn't cook because he doesn't like to (washing dishes? by hand? no fucking thank you, being undead is harsh enough on the nails and skin. finding a good lotion for normal undead dryness is already impossible)

- Lae'zel: in the modern world, if her life took her in a chef direction, she'd be in a Michelin star restaurant as the world's best and most terrifying sous chef. she absolutely would throw a knife at you for fucking up her plating (she'd intentionally miss. the first time). no nonsense is ever tolerated in her kitchen, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's got temper issues (her coldness and lack of tantrums is what makes her terrifying). she'd put Gordon Ramsay in his place for his rage theatrics and then make him weep with joy after serving him the most competent omelet he's ever had in his life. if she likes you, you may address her as "Yes, Chef!" outside of the kitchen.

- Karlach: uses 4 pots to make ramen. not because she's doing anything fancy or elaborate with it, the first pot was too small and started boiling over (whoops). the second one was, oh hold on, that's a cast iron pan, maybe you're not supposed to use that for boiling liquids, huh? wait shit, can't use this one either, i'm not supposed to use metal spoons on nonstick, don't want to scratch it. There we go! this one is the right size! and if i scratch this one, it's fine! wait, where the fuck did the flavor packet go (you should definitely be concerned about leaving her alone for the weekend)

- Wyll: very resourceful cook due to his Blade of the Frontier days. can improvise a meal out of damn near anything. can identify every edible plant and mushroom and tell you how to use it in a dish. would carry an herb garden in his adventure pack if he could. would absolutely thrive on the show Chopped (he's actually banned from auditioning again because it's not fair to the other competitors to have him on). he could make you a dessert featuring rattlesnake and fresh picked clover, and you don't know how or why, but you actually like it

- Gale: approaches the kitchen the same way he approaches most things in his life - academically. knows the proper safe temperature to cook meats/etc to, knows how to brown an onion, knows what seasonings are typically used together for certain flavor profiles and how to match seasonings to proteins. knife work sucks because he uses mage hand for mise en place and his mage hand has shitty DEX, but he's scared of his chef knife from the one time he sliced his thumb open (he was cutting an onion with improper hand placement and the knife slipped)

- Minsc: would exclusively eat by dumpster diving if it weren't for Boo's disapproval. eats like a human garbage disposal. he will eat a n y t h i n g that fits in his mouth, he is the least picky eater you will ever meet. does not understand how food challenges in the show Fear Factor are supposed to be challenges

- Halsin: world class forager. very competent hunter. prefers to eat everything as raw as possible. understands but doesn't believe in strict food safety because obviously stomach acid kills germs (and anyway, a little dirt here and there never killed anyone; exposure to germs is good for your immune system). open-mouthed kissing him is gambling with your health. makes the best vegetarian salads but do not trust any chicken he has "cooked". people with weak CON might want to consider avoiding his food

- Jaheira: uses Talk to Animals to Cinderella/Ratatouille rodents in the kitchen. she commands them like she's in perilous battle and the entire world is at stake (also rodents are worse to direct than cats, they do not know the difference between left and right. there's a lot of "No! Not that cupboard, the other one! NO, the OTHER other one! Flank him, he's off balance!"). making a cup of tea is a convoluted, stressful process that takes 10 times longer than just boiling the damn water yourself

if you want more bg3 culinary headcanons, there's also: the Absolute Edition

[lady-phasma]

In the fading light

Daemon Targaryen x fem Dornish!reader

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, but I was going for soft!Daemon so I don't think there are that many warnings this time.

Summary: Daemon comes to visit you at Godsgrace, the seat of House Allyrion, in Dorne. Kind of an AU in the sense that Rhaenyra isn't the object of his love, nor his motivation for "ending his marriage" to Rhea. 2.6k words

From the request here - romantic Daemon inspired by the song "kalam eineh" (Words of his eyes) by Sherine. I was able to work in a few lyrics as well ("the one whose eyes the moon envied" and "get lost in his beauty").

a/n: Dorne is a very big place and all of the houses are as different as the Northern houses. So as I write more Dornish!reader fics I start to see them uniquely in my headcanon. Godgrace is on a river from what my research tells me, so I think it worked out perfectly that Sherine is Egyptian. I've dropped some Egyptian elements into Godsgrace and that's how it is in my head now. (If there was a face claim for a location think Thebes/Luxor landscape.)

A warm breeze wafted onto the balcony where you and Daemon sat. The sun sank low against the horizon. The river in the distance shone with golds and pinks. A falcon screeched nearby. You turned from the gorgeous view of the Godsgrace river oasis to look at your Prince. He sat, reclined, opposite you. You slid your toes up the inside of his leg, teasing him. He stroked the top of your foot, your ankle, up your shin. Your smooth skin reflected the light of the setting sun much as the river did. Daemon slipped his fingertips under the hem of your thin skirt. The contrast of his pale hand under the bronze fabric was delightful to you. This Northern prince, so accustomed to clouds and darkness. Such a dreary land he came from.

You watched him as he looked out over the Greenblood river. It would be so easy to get lost in his beauty. His hair, his eyes, his mouth, everything about him was entrancing to you. You glanced back out at the river, the people going about their evening paying no attention to the lords and ladies so high above them. Birds circled above fishing boats as the nets were pulled in. Lights began to flicker in windows across the city. You smelled roasted meat and fresh baked bread on the warm air. You would have to dress for the evening meal, if you didn’t request it in your quarters.

“Did you come only because the fool Prince Martell forbade it?” You were genuinely curious. “Or because of your brother?”

“You know that is not the reason,” he spoke softly and continued to stroke your leg. “Their approval means less to me than you think.”

“You risk much coming to Godsgrace.” You wiggled your toes against his thigh.

“It is a fair price,” Daemon replied.

“Surely you are quite rested now, my love,” you goaded. “It is a long journey up the Greenblood, but not so tiring that you would ignore me.” You flashed your eyes at him. They were nearly the color of burnt umber in the fading light. Soon your maids would light torches and candles in your chambers. You would hear them through the diaphanous curtains that hung in the entry of the balcony. Though they would never dare to disturb you, even if you had your Targaryen on the floor in front of them.

Daemon turned his violet eyes toward you, finally pulled from his thoughts. Gods, you thought, even the moon could envy those eyes! The last pink of the sunset caught on his silver hair as it swung freely about his face, tendrils caught in the breeze.

“Quite rested,” he smirked as he spoke. He slipped his hand behind your knee and, reaching forward, grabbed your other leg and pulled you, bodily, to him. Your chair legs screeched against the stone floor as you threw your head back and laughed. When he had you where he wanted you, he smoothed his palms up the inside of your thighs. You rested your bare feet on the seat of his chair on either side of his legs. He pushed your skirt all the way up to your waist as he stared into your eyes. His thumbs grazed the creases of your thighs and you sighed.

“The journey was too long, but certain hindrances are now resolved,” his voice was low and quiet. “I am no longer married.”

You raised an eyebrow at these words. You trailed your fingertips down one of his forearms.

“I hope that it was painless, my prince,” you both knew the mocking of his title was not malicious. He was not your prince and you enjoyed reminding him of that. “You know, you could have stayed in Godsgrace and I could have sent one of my women to dispatch the issue quickly.” Your grin was knowing, yet seductive. Daemon’s response to Northern morality was curious to you. He didn’t want his wife, but could not bring himself to have another while she lived.

“I did not say I did the deed,” he tried not to smile. “Only that it was resolved.” Oh, he was deliciously vile when it suited him. You chuckled at this.

“Well, I had no trouble with the situation,” you grazed his thigh with one foot. “I needed only your devotion, not your marriage.”

“That you will always have, my lady,” he replied as he sank to his knees in front of you. You moved your foot to his shoulder, the other still in his chair, as you languidly spread your legs to make room for him. He looked up at you again, catching your eyes with his as he kissed your thigh, then your belly. You stroked one hand over his silky head as he lowered it and kissed the dark hair between your legs. You heard him inhale, smelling you, and you became even wetter.

Daemon licked the full length of your slit and paused at your pearl. He circled it with the tip of his tongue and you gripped the arms of your chair. He slid an arm around one thigh to steady you. Then he grazed a finger through your folds, finding your entrance quickly, as if he knew your geography by heart. He teased and didn’t slide inside you yet. He used two fingers to circle your opening, almost matching the rhythm of his tongue on your clit. Your hips rocked. You tried, and failed, to get his fingers inside. He stilled you as much as he could and continued for a moment that felt like an eternity.

When he finally slipped his fingers into your wet heat he sucked on your clit and your hands flew to the back of his head. You moaned and pushed against his mouth. You thought you felt him chuckle. You didn’t care. You ground your hips on his mouth and fingers.

“Daemon,” you whispered, as that was as loud as you could manage. “That’s it, just there. Please.”

He rubbed his fingertips against the spot that drove you wild, fighting against your clenching muscles. His tongue resumed its circling movements, but with a slightly quicker pace. Your breathing was becoming shallow and the sounds you made came deep from your chest. He pumped his fingers harder into you, knowing the pressure you needed to reach your climax. Your toes curled on his shoulder. You let go of his head, gripped the arms of your chair again, and your body curled forward as your climax overwhelmed you. You yelled his name, moaned incoherently, and then laughed. He hadn’t stopped, tongue still lapping causing your thighs to twitch. You playfully pushed at his forehead to give you peace.

You leaned forward and cupped his face in your hands. His expression wasn’t playful, as yours was. The look was full of something akin to admiration. You kissed him, roughly. You licked yourself from his lips, his tongue, and moaned into his mouth. He reached up and tangled his fingers into your hair at the nape of your neck, letting some of it loose from the pins that held it in place. Without much grace, he blindly began to release your hair from its confines.

Daemon broke your kiss and began to stand up. You let your fingers trail down his body as he did. You grazed your fingers over his pants, deliberately avoiding the hardness straining the fabric. He pulled pins and a comb from your hair, tossing them on the floor with abandon. You looked up at him, a playfully displeased look on your face for the carelessness he showed for your jewelry, and shook out your hair. It fell in near-black waves down your shoulders and back.

“I need you,” Daemon breathed. His eyes were dark with lust. Still looking up at him from your chair, you pressed your palm over his erection. His eyes nearly closed. His chest rose and fell, trying to maintain his composure. You pressed just a little harder. He grabbed your wrists. It didn’t hurt but made it evident that he couldn’t be teased this evening. You stood, your wrists still in his hands. You raised to tiptoes and pulled at his bottom lip with your teeth. Your eyes narrowed in defiance against being so restrained.

“That’s enough!” He threw you over his shoulder. You squealed and laughed, kicking your feet and pounding your fists lightly against his back. Your laughter bounced off the stone walls as he carried you through the curtains into your chambers. You pushed against him, raising your head to look at the two startled maids, and laughed harder.

“Let me go!” You giggled and kicked your feet but he only held your ankles as he walked you to the bed. You heard the two girls scamper from the room, giggling and twittering.

Daemon dropped you lightly on the bed. You were breathless from laughing. He smiled down at you, but that look was back. What had changed since he had gone North? Your laughter faded into giggles, which in turn faded into quick breaths as he knelt on the bed and kissed his way up your feet, calves, and thighs. He began to unfasten the ties of your skirt at your waist and you helped him with the small buttons of your delicate top.

He licked and kissed the curves of your exposed belly. He nuzzled his nose between your breasts, then kissed each of your nipples. You played with his silky hair, enjoying watching him worship you. When he reached your neck and jaw you began tugging on his shirt, pulling it toward his shoulders. He straightened long enough pull it over his head, then bent down to your mouth again. You kissed him back, hands gripping his neck, stroking his shoulders, down his biceps.

Daemon moved with you, still kissing, as you began to sit up. You gently pressed his shoulders back and guided him to lay down. You straddled his thighs and began pulling at the laces of his pants. He groaned at the pressure of your fingers. You stroked his freed cock, watching your hands move slowly. You enjoyed making him wait but you couldn’t wait any longer. You released him and begin to remove his breeches. Once you had both struggled with that for a moment, you trying not to giggle during the endeavor, you climbed up him and placed yourself on his belly. You could feel his cock pressing against your buttocks. You leaned forward and kissed him and he cupped both of your breasts in his hands.

You lifted your hips enough to reach between you and guide him into your wetness. He growled and squeezed your breasts a bit harder. Slowly, you took him inside you. You raised up, allowing him to keep his hands on you, and pressed your hands against his stomach as you rocked your hips. You took his cock as deep as you could. Gradually, at first, then setting a gentle pace that brought sweet sounds from Daemon’s lips. You leaned forward slightly, finding the angle you needed. He moved his hands, one to your neck, one to your hip. As you settled on a rhythm, he began to match you, thrusting upward slightly each time you rocked back on his cock.

You let your head fall forward, you hair sweeping forward, framing your face and his. Your fingers curled against his chest. You kept this pace as long as you could before your cunt began to ache with the beginnings of your climax. You slowed and Daemon took over. Gripping both of your hips, he fucked up into you, harder than you had been able to manage. His grunts made you squeeze around his cock. They were wonderful sounds that only increased your need for him.

You rested your face against his, pressing your cheeks together. Neither of you could stay quiet. Your name fell from his lips as fluidly as the curses he uttered. His fingers dug into your hips as he pulled you down onto each of his upward thrusts. The sound of flesh against flesh, lewd and satisfying. Your bodies glistened with sweat in the torch light. You wanted to open your eyes and look at him but the pleasure was too great.

“Yes, please, Daemon,” you whined in his ear. Your lips drug across his cheek as you searched for his mouth. You tried to kiss him. Instead you panted and moaned against his mouth. As your climax began the wave that would drown you, you heard his voice, much calmer than yours could have been in that moment.

“Look at me.” You did. He didn’t stop fucking you, but he held your gaze with those perfect eyes. “I love you. I would kill for you. I would kill anyone who kept us apart.”

Something in his eyes, not just his words, was your undoing. Your climax spread over you at the same time as it curled up inside you. You squeezed your thighs against his hips, almost stopping his movements entirely. You bent to him and kissed him, moaning and sighing, as you came.

Suddenly Daemon’s large arms encircled you and in your delirium you could hardly notice that he was moving you. You clung to his shoulders as he somehow, and gracefully, managed to lay you on your back. He had not pulled out. You wrapped your legs around his hips and ran your hands into his hair.

Daemon fucked you without restraint. You were coming down from your climax but your cunt gripped him tight and he grunted with each deep thrust. He shifted his weight to one hand and deftly scooped one of your legs into the crook of his arm. You bit your lower lip and looked up at him. He was watching you.

“Touch yourself,” he panted. “Come on my cock again.” His smile was enough to convince you, if his words hadn’t been.

So you did. You rubbed your fingers quickly, and in time with his strokes. When you were close again, you arched under him, head thrown back, Daemon’s mouth on your exposed neck. Then he pressed his hips against you as hard as he could. His cock buried completely inside you as he came. Your cunt spasmed around him and you both felt his seed fill you as your climax peaked. He cursed and tried to gently lower your leg. Your body shook and you were unable to help him. He chuckled and kissed your forehead.

As he slowly pulled out and away from you, you mewled and groaned, closing your thighs and squeezing them together. Daemon lowered himself down next to you, on his side. He rested his head on your chest. You smoothed his hair away from his forehead in a long stroke down to his back and sighed. You let your hand rest on his shoulder. He held you close to him.

The cool night breeze wicked the sweat off your skin. The torches guttered slightly. You wrapped one leg over Daemon’s. You wanted every part of your body touching his. You breathed in his smell mixed with your own and the dusty sweetness of Godsgrace coming in through the curtains.

“No one will come between us,” Daemon whispered against you.

“I know, my love, my dragon” you replied, lips brushing against the top of his head.

The sun had set and, perhaps, the dark was what he needed. In the light of day The Rogue Prince was rakish and disreputable. But at night, with you, he could shed that facade.

Masterlist

Tags: @black-dread

[amazinglyegg]

Due to not being able to find a decent reference for Danse's room, I used this video to sketch out a floor plan!!

Along with references for what all the furniture looks like:

Details and rambling below the cut!

General notes:

The only time we see his room is after Blind Betrayal. I wonder if he brought anything from his room with him, despite leaving the duffle bag near the door?

He has a ton of storage space. Like, a lot. He doesn't even have a footlocker at the end of his bed it's just an entire metal box.

Despite that, he has nowhere to sit. Not even his desk has a chair.

Also he has a rug between his bed and his big drawer! Cute!

Pet food bowl near his door with fresh bloatfly meat in it. Not only does he manually open the door for Emmett to enter and leave (no cat door), but Emmett visits often enough that he goes out of his way to give him a bowl of fresh food! Does Quinlan even feed him!?

Has a lot of random cardboard boxes filled with papers and stuff on his floor. Given that the filing cabinet is for files, I wonder if these are books or journals?

Has a plain old bed with no pillows or blankets. Like most beds, this is probably done for game reasons (like animations or clipping) instead of canon reasons. At least I HOPE he sleeps with a blanket!!

On top of his safe is three dog food cans, maybe supposed to represent cat food. Also has a can of cram on his big drawer. I wonder if he stores more food in there!

The flag is actually a smaller one, but I couldn't find the exact model on the wiki. I find it interesting that he has a pole flag instead of a regular wall one. It just looks so sad :(

Has a lot of small blue and wood boxes around his room that I didn't include in the floor plan, they're empty I'm pretty sure

I didn't realize people outside of middle school used lockers, especially SIX of them. What do you even store in lockers?? Can't be clothes since they have multiple segments, hung clothes wouldn't fit and folded clothes would probably fall out.

No real personal stuff like holotapes or journal entries. I would have expected something unique! He also has no decorations other than that one sad droopy flag, but I guess it'd be hard to hang up paintings when the walls are made of metal. Can't just hammer a nail into that!

As a note, I think items within storage containers are randomized, so I didn't bother looking at them while making this.

Desk and filing cabinet:

Whisky and vodka bottles, no shot glass in sight. He is chugging those straight from the bottle. Not as many bottles as Maxson, at least!

Also an entire carton of cigarettes and an ashtray. He canonically smokes and doesn't even bother going outside to do it, his room must reek of cigarettes.

A food tray and mug, which is... interesting? Does he often eat alone in his room?

Filing cabinet for files, probably does paperwork at this desk as well.

Drawers:

Has like, three wrenches, as well as a tool box. This must be his workshop!

A lunch pail and a nuka cola. This table is right next to his desk so it makes sense he has food and drinks here. Surprised there's no water!

Speaking of the table... it's an institute table. Probably just done for aesthetic purposes, but I found that interesting

Let me know if you have any opinions, headcanons, or things I missed!

[mambodork]

Hi, me again! In the buttercup HOA au, does Grian need to eat in his code bodies? Or is he like one of Martyn's lore Watchers where he only feeds off of emotions? Or maybe every time he makes a new body, he cannibalizes the code of the old one if Scar doesn't need it for snacking? I assume Scar eats normally with the exception of occasional flesh, and Mumbo, being a sort of parasite, either can make his host eat to sustain himself or just slowly eats the host and changes them every once in a while.

Also is there a reason Grian needs to keep making new bodies, like the code can only hold itself together for a short while before it starts decaying, or maybe because he can't eat it starts to die and that'd why he builds new ones?

I did not, in fact, find motivation to write anything today because my roommates distracted me with watching pirates of the carribean, but the ideas have been bouncing around in my brain all day long.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble can you tell I'm obsessed with your aus <3

In concern of Grian eating... I really like Martyn's interpretation of it with the watchers feeding off of emotions. Would also explain why Grian loves to make games and pranks all the time since he primarily feeds on positive emotions. Although I do believe his primary reason is always to make his friends happy, the benefit of being able to absorb their happiness for his own gain is an added bonus. I like to think the more emotions he gets, the more powerful he can be. Meanwhile, if he doesn't get enough to feed, he'll just dwindle out and fade back to become part of the universe.

My headcanon for the Watchers are that they're the main force to drive the world so it can continue living by making things interesting. Consider it like a book or a movie or even a game. Nobody would play it if nothing good happens, and if they stopped playing, the world within that game would just stop altogether. This is the primary worldbuilding I use when using the concept of minecraft inherently being a game as their actual world. The watchers are creatures created by the universe to keep it going by rousing powerful emotions like sadness, grief, or happiness. In this note, I am also a firm "the watcher's are morally grey" believer. They simply have their own goals and do what it takes to get it.

I think you're quite spot on with Scar and Mumbo's way of feeding! Mumbo is definitely a parasite and I agree with the fact that he makes his host eat for him to eat aswell.

As for Grian's body, my current headcanon of it at the moment is that unlike normal players who treat the world as real life and bodies, etc, as organic, Grian has ascended when he became a watcher and could see the world as what it truly is (code, for simplicity). As such, he treats his body and how he uses it more like an actual minecraft skin. Normal rules of real life and logic that ground a player also don't really apply that much to him now.

For why he has to change it every few days or so... I just think that Grian is just too weak or simply doesn't know that much about code yet to make a sustaining body (think of him like a highschool intern developer that's still learning how to code). I like to think that Grian's current bodies are being held together by duct tape and glue 😭 he doesn't really know what he's doing yet, hence the body malfunctioning or just simply disintegrating back to the universe's code (at this point, he would just give the body to Scar for him to snack on. Just because it's all useless code to him doesn't mean that it's not organic fresh meat for Scar). I also like your suggestion on the body decaying because it couldn't eat... maybe this can also be integrated since the entire organic world & code stuff is separated much like the 4th and 5th dimensions. It would SEEM that the body is rotting due to lack of nutrition, but it could also be a code error on Grian's part, who knows :3

Tysm for the interesting questions and ideas !! These are all just my headcanons atm and you're free to take anything you want from it, or not use them at all ! Again, I really appreciate it that you're willing to expand on this world lol <3 take your time on it !