#freediver ending

[cherusque]

Mary Reschar 🇺🇸 (Deep End Fitness)

[catboybiologist]

Hi! I'm Sierra. Time for a pinned post refresh.

Otherwise known as CatboyBiologist, or @hi-sierra (my SFW blog [this one is SFW too, but less so]). This page is remaining active, but if you want to find me somewhere else, I use the same username on reddit, Instagram, co-host, and tech.lgbt. This is me:

Trans woman, PhD student in molecular biology, boymoder, shitposter, freediver, hot girl on your phone, hiker, rambler (this post included), tgirl tummy tuesday supplier and enjoyer, former femboy, bane of bioessentialist fuckwads who try to use biology to validate biogotry, flaming bisexual, 196 nanocelebrity… whatever was the first thing that brought you to my blog, I hope it’s enough to get you to stay! I post selfies, hornyposts (minors and people who are averse to that be warned), stuff about the ocean, posts about my growing sense of wanderlust, my adorable lil tortoise, tutorials for transfemmes and GNC people, rambles about science, documentation of my own transition, rambles about transness, rambles about the eroticism of programming a machine to feel arousal, rambles about nature, and random shitposts. Please send me pictures of cute animals in your life!

If you wanna support my science career and my transition, consider dropping a tip here! PhD salaries are notorious for being negotiated to be exactly the cost of living…. And then forgotten about for years as inflation drops that below minimum wage. So I’m always a little strapped for cash. Anything helps!

Links to some of my tutorials and relevant resources under the cut:

I'm tracking my transition, and some people have said they found this helpful! This spreadsheet is generally updated monthly:

Usually, I write a little journal to go with it when it updates- you can find that under the #trans journal on my blog.

If you're interested in checking out some of the things I'm trying to write, here's a post with links to individual stories I'm making:

https://www.tumblr.com/catboybiologist/741010247774306304/writing-consolidation-post?source=share

My femboy guide, written well before I started HRT, but still has relevant info:

A "boyboob" tutorial, aka how to make it look like you have cleavage in an outfit that looks better with it:

A quick and dirty guide to taking better selfies, with a specific emphasis on people who may have stopped hating their body recently due to transition:

And here's a few of my personal favorite little rambles and posts about my transness, in no particular order:

CW for transphobia on this one:

A massive shoutout to @foldingfittedsheets for this amazing art of the lil borgir holding a trans flag:

I adore this so much <3 if you want to support their art, her commissions are open and really sweet!!!!

And of course, a massive shoutout to @whalesharkcat for this lovely pixel art of my tortoise:

I still love this so much, and will continue to into the future <3

For preHRT selfies, search the femboy tag. For post HRT selfies, use the "trans selfie" tag. I've been on HRT since August of 2023, so I'm still very early in the process! Day to day, I present male, but I plan to change that around the 1 year mark.

I guess that's about it! One final note is that I've been alluding to video/podcast style things for a while now. With my aderrall prescription, I've actually put in a lot of research work that might lead to 1-4 of those, so that might actually happen in the near future! No promises of course, life always catches up to you.

And if you liked my previous pinned post better, here it is:

Anyways, if you read this far, thanks for sticking around and bbyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[rhysdarbinizedarby]

Team work makes the dream work!

A shout out to all the players on team-merman for @ourflagonmax @rafaelvalladao 3D sculpted our scales in brazil. @metmobile printed the scales here in our studio and @an.introduction.to our master mould maker made fibreglass moulds into which we began casting casting and more casting…. 3000 individual scales in multiple colours with an array of glitters from @mysticartglitters … so so so much GLITTER! How cute does my man @metmobile look, delicately dusting glitter into scale moulds 😍

Then our lovely @homemade_byaline would come to the studio every evening and patiently trim excess silicone off scales with teeny tiny nail scissors late into the night. While this was all going on @thecreativetradecollective babes lent a hand with meticulously painting silicone scales onto our lycra tail skins (sewn and airbrushed by yours truely of course)

The idea was to have a combo of hand painted silicone scales and fully cast silicone scales. The end result was SEAMLESS!!! And again…. more glitter.

And I basically had my fingers in all these pies, sculpting, painting, sewing, liaising with our talented designer @gypsytaylor , casting, mixing, sparkling, sourcing, delegating, sleeping (no… no not sleeping!!!) Ironically myself and @an.introduction.to probably did the most hours, but we didn't get any fun posey photos with our work!!!

Always the way!!!!

And last but not least, we had a freediver Jose come and test run our fishy wares in my swimming pool (my neighbours must think I'm so weird!)… more photos to come of our resident merman.

source: hayleyegandesign on instagram

[ore-ion]

Finally watched Transformers One! Here's me and my irls reaction to it, lol

Edit; I went home and hugged the only megatron figure I had and just sat on the bed lmao 💀 that emotional damage wasn't joking

[Under the cut, I'll minimalise spoilers but I suppose it's mostly pics and commentary.] Nothing is in chronological order btw :D

Before:

I'm the guy in a dark red / magenta shirt

Anddd after the emotional damage;

And for the commentary:

NUMBER. ONE. INHALEESSSS;;;

Sentinel, GOD YOU'RE SUCH AND ASSSSSSS 🔥💥💥💥💥💥💥 my professor is going to hear about you.

2. Yes I carried around a camera to the cinema for a photography project no I didn't get to capture myself cry in 4k HD unfortunately, as much as I wanted that to happen.

3. THE..MEGOP ARC....HURT. SO BAD. Us 3 had to hug each other across our seats it's SO GOOD. It hurts. Ouch 👍 I knew i how it ends but God...that stabbed a little close to home

4. Saying "oh. Oh that's gore of my comfort character " so often it feels surreal

5. At some point in D's arc, I went "fuck you, I'm in!" And my irls looked at me like 'no you are NOT. ' like I would join another riot (I would)

6. Bee reminds me so much of my own friend and hearing him yap was so fun, live laugh love for this little dude. I will cherish his existence as long as I'm alive.

7. SENTINELLLLLLL. How dare you.

8. This is our old man, this is the Alpha Trion, which is the best peepaw. Je t'adore, vieil homme, you are very awesome.

9. I will personally kick Sentinel in the face too, D. Just not that far–

10. The speeches and use of language here is so good, you can HEAR the arrogance, sarcasm, etc etc and the intonation of characters so clear its amazing.

11. The parallels make me want to jump and freedive into the sky goddammit ouch

12. "Walked in knowing they're exes, walked out knowing why he's everyone's ex"

13. I'm still not over the emotional bond of D and Pax I'm not okay about them 😔

14. ELITA IS SO COOLLLLL LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE HER SO MUCH OH MY GOD???

More silly Images:

The best feeling ever: fuck you, sentinel.

[ourflagmeansbts]

Source (Season 2 - October 10th 2023)

hayleyegandesign: Team work makes the dream work! A shout out to all the players on team-merman for @ourflagonmax@rafaelvalladao 3D sculpted our scales in brazil. @metmobile printed the scales here in our studio and @an.introduction.to our master mould maker made fibreglass moulds into which we began casting casting and more casting.... 3000 individual scales in multiple colours with an array of glitters from @mysticartglitters ... so so so much GLITTER! How cute does my man @metmobile look, delicately dusting glitter into scale moulds 😍 Then our lovely @homemade_byaline would come to the studio every evening and patiently trim excess silicone off scales with teeny tiny nail scissors late into the night. While this was all going on @thecreativetradecollective babes lent a hand with meticulously painting silicone scales onto our lycra tail skins (sewn and airbrushed by yours truely of course) The idea was to have a combo of hand painted silicone scales and fully cast silicone scales. The end result was SEAMLESS!!! And again.... more glitter. And I basically had my fingers in all these pies, sculpting, painting, sewing, liaising with our talented designer @gypsytaylor , casting, mixing, sparkling, sourcing, delegating, sleeping (no... no not sleeping!!!) Ironically myself and @an.introduction.to probably did the most hours, but we didn't get any fun posey photos with our work!!! Always the way!!!! And last but not least, we had a freediver Jose come and test run our fishy wares in my swimming pool (my neighbours must think I'm so weird!)... more photos to come of our resident merman.

[cryptid-stimming]

Jasper x Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe) Stimboard (with themes of chains & water) for Anon

x x x / x x / x x x

[Image description: a 9 gif stimboard; from left to right.

First line: A close-up of an anchor chain on the surface of the ocean, light glinting on the moving water. A gif of a cloud of bubbles left under the surface of the ocean from a diver, the waves above glinting. And a gif of a freediver's hands using an anchor chain to pull themselves down into the ocean.

Second line: A gif of rolling waves sparkling in the sun and the sky above. A still screenshot of Jasper and Lapis from Steven Universe dancing together. And a gif panning over rocks in the ocean, waves crashing over them and spraying water into the air.

Third line: A gif of rolling waves, sunlight catching the water and making it sparkle. A close-up gif panning over an anchor chain underwater, bubbles rising around it. And a gif of an anchor chain attached to the side of a ship, waves crashing over it and making it disappear into the ocean.

End of image description.]

[a-minke-whales-tale]

Wow! Reading about your whale suit project is truly inspiring! I can relate to it in a way, in the sense that I wish so dearly that I could return to the woods. I have mobility issues too that make it impossible for me to do so. I hope so much that you are able to achieve your dream, or at least get to partially return to the water.

Thanks friend, I hope very much I can return to the water. I do think I can. In a way being a whale I am quite lucky. I cannot well walk on the land and walk with forearm crutches, but in the water I could move freely and it is wonderful. I also think in a way, taking a human body and forcing it back into a cetacean shape is easier than for most other animals.

We are immersed in water which does make certain aspects like food intake and air intake difficult, it makes a lot of others things easier. Water has a much higher heat capacity and greater conductivity than air. Wearing a shirt in 16-18 degree air is plenty warm enough, but in 16 degree water you are really recommended a wetsuit. But this means we have much more ability to pad ourselves out with material to form our shape better. We can have 10 or more cm of thickness, and can still function perfectly fine thermally. But also being sea creatures our body and all that extra weight is supported by the silicone. I will be around 300-360kg once fixed and am currently around 90kg (and an 'ideal' weight for me is around 65kg). In the sea it is a lot to move around, but in the end it is mostly just additional inertia. But on land, that amount of weight would be unmanageable.

Additionally, the shape of a cetacean body is actually quite manageable for a human body. I imagine if you have looked at my profile you have seen this image.

This concept drawing what I would look like is drawn around my own body. There are some differences to a standard minke body, but unless you knew a lot about whales, you really might not notice. The main things are a slightly higher fineness ratio, and much larger flippers (and the fact that I will be perpetually the size of a month old calf). But if you are not someone who has a pretty significant interest in marine biology and cetaceans, you probably aren't terribly likely to know what a minke whale is, let along that my flippers are bigger than they should be.

Human bodies conform pretty well to a cetacean shape, we have arms that become flippers, and legs that become our tails. Compared to many other creatures our bodies bend in the right way and we do not have a huge amount of additional movement we could not generate from our own bodies. In addition some of the strongest muscles in our backs and buttocks are used to hold up our torsos, in this configuration instead they become our tail following more or less that same motion fully motile humans use all the time. And indeed there are even sports which functionally do this namely mermaiding and finswimming/freediving.

Compare this to trying to make a canid body (just because they are the most easily abundant and my companion is a canid). Covering yourself in fur would be hot in a lot of climates, your back legs would be much longer than your front legs, your torso would be too short, nothing could control your ears or tail, your body would struggle to support the weight in this hunched over position, and with the shape of the neck some additional headpiece would be needed which would have to be supported by the user (which is true for myself as well, but I can use the water to hold myself and the necks of mysticetes at least are fixed).

The things that were done to us were terrible, but in a way, I am quite lucky as I can really see a path forward for fixing a cetacean body, that would be very difficult with most other animals. And I do really believe that someday, I will swim again, I will swim free, and swim forever.

[marsmad]

Interview for Nargis Magazine

Jared Leto is a true multi-talented rock star, Oscar winner, and fashion icon. He has won an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, and a Screen Actors Guild Award for his role as Rayon in Dallas Buyers Club, as well as a Grammy with Thirty Seconds to Mars. Whether he’s acting or rocking the stage, Leto always delivers. His bold, boundary-pushing style continues to keep the fashion world on its toes.

In October 2024, Jared Leto and his band Thirty Seconds to Mars visited Baku as part of the Seasons World Tour. It marked the band's triumphant return to the stage with their sixth studio album, It's The End Of The World, But It's A Beautiful Day. In an exclusive interview with NARGIS magazine, Jared opens up about what fuels his creativity and keeps him grounded.

What was your first impression of Baku?

Honestly, people here are so enthusiastic. I felt it today. We met great people straight away and they were so excited. It was just infectious. We love that energy – it makes for the best show. The more passion – the better the experience!

Where is your next gig? Where are you heading after Baku?

Next we go to Romania and then Turkey! I have never been to Turkey before. We will play our first concert in Istanbul very soon.

Most people know you as an actor. So do you consider yourself more of an actor or a rock star?

Neither. I am simply a man, a citizen of the world.

What do you like to do in your everyday life as a person?

Oh, the simple things – eating, sleeping. I just love taking a long hot shower. It’s one of my favorite little rituals. I also enjoy rock climbing and free diving. They make me feel so alive.

Where do you freedive? Do you dive in America?

Usually in the Mediterranean. I like it there because it's pretty calm - there are hardly any sharks. They usually stay away, which is fine with me! Not in America, to be honest. There are a lot of sharks in our oceans! If you want clean water, Florida is the place to go, but you have to remember that it's also known for shark attacks. So I prefer to stay away.

What was your best concert with Thirty Seconds to Mars?

I think tonight's show will be the best. Every show is important, but tonight feels special to me.

What do you expect from the audience?

I expect a lot of energy – lots of singing, dancing, jumping, just pure joy. Every time we play a concert, we give it our all to make sure the audience has the best night of their lives. It’s all about creating memories together and making them unforgettable for everyone.

But you still act in films. How do you choose your roles?

I choose them carefully. I really enjoyed playing Paolo Gucci in "House of Gucci". He was such an unpredictable character, full of depth and surprises. It was a thrilling role.

You're so famous, but you still remain so down to earth. How do you do it?

Well… I think success is a tricky thing. It’s built on a lot of failure. If success were a cake, it would be mostly made of failure. You fail a lot, and unless you’re a sociopath, it humbles you. Fame, especially these days, is a whole other test. The thing about fame is that it’s really just a byproduct of your work. It’s not a goal, and it’s not something you strive for. It comes from working hard, but it’s not the reason you work hard. But life has a funny way of taming you pretty quickly. I think it’s hard to get cocky in this business if you work long enough. It teaches you a thing or two.

How do you find the balance between music and acting?

The biggest challenge is time. I always try to find enough time in the day to do both. It’s all about sacrifice and being willing to say no sometimes. You might have to turn down an amazing movie role because you’ve already got a tour planned. But if I had to choose, I’d always choose music. It’s such an important part of my life, and my brother’s life too. We share this journey. We signed to our label in 1998, so it’s been a long road.

Do you get along with your brother on tour? Who has the final say?

Yeah, pretty good. I would say that we kind of give each other the last word. You have to let the other person feel like they have the last word. It’s a way to keep balance. We’ve been doing this together for so long that there’s no room for constant conflict. It’s just too awkward. So we take care of each other and make sure that we give more than we expect to receive. We always have good intentions, we think about each other and make sure that we’re useful to each other. What’s great about touring is that every day is an opportunity to do something better. You can always improve. If one night didn’t go as well as you hoped, the next night you try even harder. You give a piece of yourself to the audience every night, helping to create an experience together. That’s the magic of being on stage – you’re there to serve the audience and create something special for them.

You've achieved so much in both film and music. I mean, you seem to have it all. So what do you dream of?

Well, I’ll try to break it down into smaller parts. One of the main dreams is contentment, you know? To be content, to have balance and equality in many areas of life. These things are important because they make your existence more fulfilling. It’s incredible to visit a country for the first time, but it’s even better to come back for the second, third or tenth time. We’ll probably come back for the tenth time, and getting here is always quite difficult, especially for our team. Our truck got stuck, and our team worked all night, starting their day at 5am. It was tough, but so rewarding. We’re thrilled to be here and feel incredibly lucky.

What is your advice to the younger generation?

My advice is to work as hard as you can. If you have an idea of ​​what you want to achieve in life, the sooner you start the better – it’s all about starting. But it’s okay if you don’t know yet. Time is a weapon, it’s an incredibly valuable tool. If you’re willing to work harder than everyone else and make sacrifices, that’s a great start. Because the greatest joy I’ve found in life isn’t going on vacation, buying clothes, or getting a new haircut, it’s doing what I love.

But what if their family doesn't support them and doesn't believe in them?

Then they have to say goodbye to their family. If your family doesn't believe in you, sometimes you have to let them go. They should be the first to believe in you. If your family tries to stop you from living your dreams, you still have to follow your dreams. And if they love you, they will eventually understand.

That gorgeous smile 💖😍💖😍💖😍💖😍💖😍💖😍💖😍💖😍💖😍

[seluneclerics]

I've read your fanfic and its recent update.....Initially, I was happy to have Miranda interested in Fraser. HOWEVER, having the interest of Alcina as well????? I'M FREEDIVING IN THIS GAY ABYSS OF AN OCEAN AND I DONT MIND DROWNING!!

Are you leaning to have a slow burn AlcinaxFraser paring as the plot goes on? or?

Excited for your next update hihi

aaaa i’m loving these asks so much, pls feel free to keep asking questions so i can ramble abt them forever lol

To get right to it though: the overarching slow burn pairing of this fic is Miranda/Fraser. Each chapter is Miranda slowly realizing that there is more to Fraser’s worth then what she initially thought, and battling what her own feelings mean. she’s basically unpacking what it means to fall in love with someone while actively using them.

Alcina on the other hand is the direct opposite. she is playing a role (as you will come to piece together), but somewhere down the line she started to realize she has genuine affection for Fraser. Unlike Miranda however, Alcina is more passive, pushing back what she knows she can’t truly have (given the circumstances, going into it would be spoilery but i promise just trust me) and the fallout that comes with her & Fraser’s relationship as she learns more of the truth.

Fraser/Donna is interesting in the aspect of Donna has yet to appear, but Fraser ends up leaving a lasting impact on her given their relatively short time together. You’ll notice that their relationship is a bit one-sided on Donna’s part, but that Fraser genuinely helps her embrace a part of herself she never had before.

Basically, no one expects Fraser to be the way she is, and it takes them all by surprise. They start to love her, each of them, in their own strange ways.

It makes the truth & what’s to come all the more devastating, because of who she is.

[merkerlers-fairytales]

More Zodi Facts!!💕

Her full legal name is Celeste Talia Stien. Which roughly should mean "Celestial, dew from heaven, stone"- so she was very blatantly named after The Celestial Tear. Which she hates.

The name she ends up choosing for herself is Raine Thalia Francessca Stien

Her personality at first is a bit standoffish, bitter, angsty, almost like Cassandra. She avoids physical touch, and is generally kind of broody. Note: this is at FIRST. While she's still going by "Zodi" (unless she's with Varian and Quirin)

She eventually learns that all that was just a front to protect herself. She LOVES affection, and she's starved of it. (Of course if Varian and his father that help her realize this, the first sources of true familial warmth she's had since being little)

Once she learns how to say "I love you" she never stops saying it.

She has PTSD, abandonment issues, and jealousy issues because of her childhood history. She's terrified of being alone again.

She might have Jewish ancestry.

She freedives in her downtime, and loves seafood. Especially things like sushi, urchin, & salmon roe.

Because of the PTSD she has trouble sleeping on her own. She medicates the PTSD to help her sleep better, but the best medicine for her is someone just simply being by her side.

Eventually she learns that her parents aren't dead. They just abandoned her. So she stops going by Celeste (Which she switches to in season 2) and refuses back to Zodi (that's her thief name! That isn't who she is! She was never a big fan of 'Zodi' OR 'Celeste' anyway). So for a time, and the majority of her post-series story, she is completely nameless. Until the end, and she comes to peace while sitting with Varian under a tree, and it starts to rain. Her search for a name is over that day. It just felt....right, for her. Like naming herself after the moment she finally found peace.

Her view of Eugene is 'big brother' in a very literal sense. She can just forget that he ISN'T related to her.

She is scary good with animals. She befriends a bear and names it Hilda. (And a fox she names Fern (a boy fox!). And a Phoenix, named Sphinx. And an opposum....Scout. And a barn owl, Ophelia. and 3 snakes. She actually hunts snakes to collect venom but the ones she befriends aren't venomous)

She accidentally meets the Wreck It Ralph Princess criteria in multiple ways.

She smells like a combination of herbs, earth, ocean salt, and sweet.

I associate her with green apple. (which kinda got me obsessed with green apple shampoo & candy ngl lol).

[trollwizard]

gimme your most fun fact on sigurd

a fun fact and a scary fact on bea

two fun facts and a weird fact about caurra

and for fafnir

a fun fact, a secret, and her most controversial opinion!!

go go gogogogo❗‼️❗‼️❗‼️▶️⏩⏭️🍾🥂🍻

this is gonna be a long one I guess!! follow sigurd under the cut for more

2a) Fun fact about Bea: her Lusus is a virgin queen of a bigger species of bee than her hives are! but it still bosses her hives around as like, a higher level queen. as she's packing up for her upcoming move, she's the bee that is letting everyone know to be back at the hive on time or they'll get left behind.

1) Funnest fact about Sigurd: something not mentioned often but is implicit about him is the fact that, as a cusp, he doesn't have gills! Just the dinky little finny ears. He's got the lung capacity of a seadwelling mammal though so he often freedives to visit seadwellers. this leads into the true fun fact: he has an oxygen tank for safe scuba diving, but he only really wears it when hes taking merle somewhere as a redundant backup in case hers has a problem. he's a huge worrywart but he can't possibly let her find out.

bea!!

3a) Fun fact about Caurra: we all know the pirate thing is just a fun stylistic choice. Caurra gets seasick if she's on a boat. she rocks up to most ship events with a bag of ginger chews in her pocket and a flask that she says is the hard stuff, but is really just spearmint tea.

2🐝) A Scary fact about Bea: while Sigs has strength proportionate to his size, Bea is true to her hymenopteran roots and can easily lift him. she's easily the strongest troll in the cast and has dealt with unsavory parties before using her bare hands. she can crush a watermelon between her thighs. and your skull. if she felt so inclined. she does not tend to disclose any murders she has committed as she finds them a necessary evil in troll society and prefers not to dwell on it.

caurra......

3b) Another fun Caurra fact: she knew she'd end up big as sin from her lineage, so her hive was built with that in mind. Very forgiving doorways and high up cabinets. but that brief time she was a youngin she was like, "man if i end up being a short king this is gonna be so embarrassing" as she needed a fold out stepladder for everything in her home

3c) A weird fact about Caurra: what isn't weird about her??? despite her casual air, she's very counter culture and off-putting to other royals. what kind of rich royal blood lives in a pond? anyways she has definitely tried fish food more than once. she keeps forgetting that it's nasty.

fafnir time

4a) fun fact about fafs: her favorite psychic trick truly is the sudden harvest one she picked up. she'll pull all the plums off a tree at once, crop up all the carrots in one crack, or pluck a bulk batch of berries in a big bang. HOWEVER she does lose her grip right after the tug so she will immediately drop all that food and might send it flying. so it's best you just have her pick fruit by hand.

4c) her most controversial opinion? she doesn't think ancestors mean anything, despite her dabbling in genetics. like yeah you'll get their horns and maybe their abilities but it's total bullshit to think you'd end up like them. she believes strongly in nurture vs nature, an odd view for a troll to have.

4b) a secret... she doesn't have many of those! she's very impulsive and doesn't keep secrets well bc she tends to say what's on her mind. that said if she thinks she has to, she'll lie about stuff but she's super bad at it. You can tell if fafnir is keeping a secret because she simply will not say anything. just tight lipped about everything to avoid giving anything away. do not trust her with surprise party planning.

embarrassing secret that everyone who knows her knows? she still will wear karbals clothes and pretend to be her in the mirror. she thinks it's funny.

which is rich coming from her. she was just a few months away from snapping and eating her lusus like her ancestor nidhoggr did.

[catboybiologist]

1 month HRT update and journal thingy!

So as I said in my pinned post, I'm gonna be doing a monthly kind of progress check on HRT. Well, it's been 32 days, so here it is! Here's some measurements of interest:

But, I found that the raw measurements, and a single "other column" wasn't sufficient to really catalogue my experience. So I wrote a long, probably overly detailed account of some of the things I've experienced in the past month.

And holy shit, what a month it's been.

So first off, lets start with what’s not happening. Some good, some bad. I think I missed the skin softness gene or something. I’ve really noticed no change in skin texture, and that’s often cited as the first noticeable physical change from HRT. My skin was somewhat soft before, but nothing like the transfemmes I know irl, so this was a bit disappointing. But in all honesty, it’s not that big of a deal.

The other thing that I haven’t noticed yet is a reduced aerobic capacity or physical ability. I’m sure this will come in time, but the interesting thing here is that one of my main physical activities, freediving, is actually a far more direct measurement of aerobic capacity than most others. I can’t do this in nearly a consistent enough way to actually log it, but my casual breath hold times in the couple of times I’ve been freediving since starting HRT haven’t changed. On a fairly standard dive, I usually stay down 60-70 seconds, and that’s still true. With good prep and good air conservation on the bottom (I like to hold onto rocks and kelp, and stay motionless while looking around lol), I can get 90 seconds or beyond (I don’t like pushing it). Part of the problem is that so much of this is variable, and is highly dependent on how good my equipment prep is that day (insulation and weighting), water conditions (cold and rough=more energy=shorter dives), and my boy physiology (how much I’ve eaten, caffeine intake, etc). But in general, I haven’t noticed major physical fitness changes yet. 

Weight gain has been intermittent. I’ve always been a bit swingy on my weight, and can easily go +/- 5lbs in no time at all. At one point, I was 4lbs over my pre-HRT weight (3 week interval), but now I’m down to 1 pound over. My waist is slightly thinner than it was pre-HRT, but that seems to be normal fluctuation. Where did the extra 1-3lbs go? We’ll get to that, LOL.

My waist measurement hasn’t changed, but anecdotally, I do think there’s changes going on there. The 43 inches measurement is still at my widest point, around my thighs (which have always been pretty good). Now, however, I’m noticing what seems to be some growth on areas that aren’t covered by the exact circle I’m using to measure that. My butt seems slightly bigger, although I could just be lying to myself. Time will tell.

Onto the stuff that has changed!

Mood. Oh my god mood. My resting state is no longer a crackling misery. I don’t think I was ever suicidal because of dysphoria alone, but I was certainly pushed to that point far, far easier when it was a contributing factor. I also just… didn’t enjoy anything about my body. When I was happy, it was a distraction. Now, it’s already much better. I still don’t like my body. I got a long way to go. But, I’m seeing progress, and it’s been incredible.

Emotions overall have been more intense. I’ve had a couple of downswings, and I get misty eyed easier. I haven’t had a proper cry yet, though. I get excited about things again, which was a COMPLETELY dead feeling. And I have also gotten angry at some things, which is also something I killed as a teenager because I was scared of where it took me. It hasn’t been as uncontrollable as I expected, however, and the negative emotions I’m experiencing more viscerally have been immensely cathartic. 

            And then, there's the big one. Hopefully that's literal. And that's breast growth. Almost immediately I noticed some kind of perking up, but no breast bud formation and no immediate growth. At about week 2, I was able to feel the distinct disks of breasts buds under my nipples, and my bust size started increasing. Now, at 4.5 weeks in, my bust size is 1.5 inches larger than it was pre-HRT.

           This is ludicrously fast. As in, so fast it has me questioning if I'm actually intersex or something. I think my E levels will be enlightening.

I really, REALLY don’t want to get too hopeful. But overall, if some of these trends continue… I’m gonna get a LOT curvier. Honestly, my ideal body would be pretty tight and trim… but I’m fucking estatic anyways. I’m just really, really hoping that the breast growth trend continues, and also that the tiny observations I’ve made about a bigger butt and thinner waist are actually real. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to boymode like this LMAO.

There’s also the opposite fear: if my estrogen levels are too high, it could signal the end of “puberty” too early. It’s looking like a possibility, but I gotta wait until next week for my levels check.

There’s one final set of observations I wanna put here, but y’all gotta not be weird about it LOL. I WILL block you and erase this part if you treat this as anything more than impartial observations about myself. Got it? Good. NSFW warning for the next bit.

I want to make some remarks on libido and erogenous sensitivity in general, because that has also been one of the most notable changes.

First off, I heard so many stories about HRT killing libido. Holy fuck, this has not been true for me. I’m going crazy sometimes LOL. I absolutely have a somewhat higher libido on average, but its already changed the way its expressed itself.

First off, my entire body is more sensitive to erogenous soft touch. The right kind of touch and care on my waist will feel very similar to more traditional erogenous zones. I’ve NEVER had this before, and was completely blindsided by it. I’m absolutely fascinated by what neural change caused that, but its really cool even if I don’t know the underlying explanation.

Second off, my libido spikes and hot flashes sometimes. I think this is pretty typical of anyone going under a hormonal change, and tbh I’m not surprised.

Third off is the weirdest one, and something that I’ve asked other transfemmes about, and none have been able to answer. My chest sensitivity seems to be going through very distinct mini-cycles, on the approximate span of time being one full “cycle” per week. Essentially, when I started HRT, my chest first got very sore, itchy, and sensitive to sources of pain and itchiness. It stayed like that for a few days, and then all sensitivity to the area cut out. My nipples pre-HRT were always more sensitive than other cis men, and in this phase, they were actually less sensitive than they were pre HRT. This lasted another couple of days… and then there was a period of massively increased erogenous sensitivity. Soft touches made me wild, and I started wearing  bra not for the support, but to block my shirt from rubbing against them and distracting me. Holy FUCK, this phase is insane. And then after that, they went back to sore again, and then dead again, and then erogenous again. Right now, I’m in the erogenous “phase” of what I think is the fourth cycle here since I started HRT. I have no fucking clue what’s going on. It’s not the period that some trans women report getting, its not a monthly thing. It might just be my body adjusting strangely to new hormones in general, but yeah. Its weird, bc it seems like a pretty unique thing. 

So yeah. That’s a journal thing. I had a LOT more thoughts about HRT starting beyond just the initial measurements, because so much hit me way faster than I thought it would, so I wanted to write something long form. I think I’m going to write something similar each month along with my measurements update, but I expect future writing to be much, much shorter. It’s been incredible so far, but I’m guessing less will be novel- I think things will only be different when I change aspects of my HRT regimen. We’ll see.

[rhysdarbinizedarby]

Our Flag Means Death season 2 shot a crucial scene in the Avatar 2 tank

A behind-the-scenes look at how Taika Waititi and Rhys Darby shot their big merman moment

[Warning: The below contains MAJOR spoilers for Our Flag Means Death, Season 2, Episodes 3]

Season 2 of David Jenkins’ pirate comedy-romance-drama Our Flag Means Death has finally premiered on Max, with an opening three-episode arc that’s guaranteed to get the series’ fandom buzzing. The third episode in particular ends with a sequence that feels like it was intentionally crafted to inspire the crowds of fan artists who have turned the series into an obsession. Polygon talked to the series’ VFX supervisor, David Van Dyke, about what went into shooting that sequence — and how James Cameron’s Avatar: The Way of Water helped out.

At the end of episode 3, Ed “Blackbeard” Teach (Taika Waititi) is in limbo after being assaulted and nearly killed by his crew. There, he meets his former captain Benjamin Hornigold (another of the series’ historical pirate characters, played by Mark Mitchinson), who tries to help him through his emotional crisis over being abandoned by Stede Bonnet (Rhys Darby). Except Hornigold mostly helps by pointing out Blackbeard’s failings, then tying a stone to his waist and throwing him off a cliff into the sea — where he sees a vision of Stede as a fish-tailed merman, coming to save him.

“Just so you know, Rhys and Taika did very well underwater,” Van Dyke told Polygon about shooting the scene. “Rhys is not an Olympic synchronized swimmer, but he’s a strong swimmer. They were both very comfortable underwater. They both did a really good job of being mermen.”

Van Dyke says he was originally asked whether he could do the scene with CG versions of the two men, for safety reasons. He explained that it was possible, “but that’ll cost millions and millions of dollars, and we don’t really have that.”

Instead, he ended up shooting the scene practically. Season 1 of Our Flag Means Death was shot on a soundstage in Los Angeles, but for season 2, production moved to New Zealand. That gave Van Dyke a lot of advantages in terms of shooting natural backdrops to use on the production’s giant virtual environment screen, and in using experienced crews from past special-effects-heavy productions, from Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings movies to James Cameron’s Avatar movies.

“There were definitely a few pieces that were serendipitously to our advantage,” Van Dyke says. “New Zealand was where they shot a lot of Avatar stuff, and there just so happens to be an enormous tank on the lot. There are a bunch of Avatar crew who are SCUBA certified, because they’ve been shooting in that tank forever. This was not something we had to figure out — we didn’t have to send a bunch of grips and lighting technicians off to SCUBA school. So they were there, they had really amazing underwater photography teams, and obviously a really good stunt team that was able to train up Taika and Rhys to make sure the scene was working.”

Van Dyke points to New Zealand’s thriving mermaid freediving community as a boon when it came to designing Darby’s merman outfit. “There are a lot of incredible mer-tails out there,” he said. “We were able to take those, and [costume designer Gypsy Taylor] and her team brought them together to make these beautiful physical pieces, so Rhys was able to actually sell it and do the performance underwater.”

For Van Dyke, the sequence really started with the cliff-jump sequence, which actually used considerably more CG than the underwater shots. “That cliff sequence was a great culmination of effects, merging physical photography and our LED wall, because you can’t really put those two guys on a thousand-foot cliff,” he said. “The insurance alone would be out of control. Also, we’re not really in the business of having people fall to their deaths.”

The cliff sequence began with sequences shot off New Zealand’s Bethells Beach, using drones to capture images looking inward from the ocean and photogrammetry of a specific ledge for production designer Ra Vincent and the art department to reproduce in the studio.

“The wide shots use production plates of those cliffs, and the tighter shots use photography we shot specifically to build out the stitching of the cliff sequence,” Van Dyke said. “Hornigold and Blackbeard are standing on a cliff set. We tied in drone plates of the actual cliffs so we can see the ocean and really set up how terrifying [the drop would be]. Then he falls into the ocean, falls into our tank.”

Once Waititi was in the tank, the next step was the shot where the stone tied to a rope around his waist pulls him deep underwater. That part of the scene required more conventional, practical production trickery than the rest of the sequence.

“The tank is massive, but it’s not 300 feet deep. It’s pretty darn big, but it’s never big enough, as they say,” Van Dyke says. “So when Taika is being tugged by the rock, we actually shot that sideways. By turning the camera sideways, you get more length to the shot. The problem is the bubbles — they should be streaming off him and then rising to the surface, but if you’re going sideways, they’re going to come off him and then go up, perpendicular to him. So we took over with CG to make sure our bubbles were traveling toward where the surface was supposed to be.”

The CG in the underwater sequence was mostly used to hide the lighting and rigging necessary to shoot it, Van Dyke says. “Anytime you’re shooting anything underwater, there’s gonna be a lot of gear. There’s no way you can get around that. So we’re making sure we have [convincing deep-sea] lighting and the bubbles. And then there’s his performance — that’s a real performance.”

For Van Dyke, the real complication was the costuming and makeup for both Darby and Waititi. “Taika’s wig — I was amazed that thing stayed on so long. It’s a long shoot. He was shooting all day, all weekend. But things stayed on. It’s a heavy weight. And Rhys is really working underwater, so his tail has to be working, so it all feels seamless.”

The shot in the underwater sequence that seems most likely to be a CG creation has both men just floating deep in the sea, facing each other above a seemingly endless abyss. Again, Van Dyke says, he used very little CG for that shot, and it was mostly to hide the tank walls.

“In that case, we were not shooting sideways,” he said. “It’s essentially a locked shot. It was about getting them at the right depth underwater, and making sure the shafts of light above them were working properly. We don’t have to track as much, we don’t have all these moving elements, we don’t have to worry about where the bubbles are going. That one was really just about cleaning up the tank, doctoring out the sides of the shot, where we can see the water receding into blackness, then giving the base of the tank true depth, so it really feels like they’re suspended a hundred feet below the surface.

“Obviously, a fair amount of CGI and visual effects had to go into it. But at the same time, it was a moment where we really needed to let the story take over, and have the visual effects just get out of the way, man.”

The first three episodes of Our Flag Means Death season 2 are now streaming on Max.

Source: Polygon

[heavensbeehall]

my elaborate mags headcanon

eta: lol i have edited this like five times to add details that I forgot.

Sixteen-year-old Mags Flanagan lives with her elderly grandmother who suffers from dementia, one-armed uncle (he lost it in the war but made the mistake of telling Peacekeepers a shark bit him) and cousin and is Reaped for the 11th Annual Hunger Games. She strongly suspects the Capitol-loyal Mayor of choosing children from Rebel families on purpose (he is naive in thinking eventually the Capitol will be appeased). Her Uncle feels incredibly guilty about her predicament. Her lobsterman cousin must race back from waters near District 13 (aka Maine) to look after the grandmother who should not be left alone. We learn the people of District 4 have always known District 13 was not destroyed (they can see it from their boats).

The small, redheaded girl has little hope of winning, especially compared to her tall, athletic District Partner, Tack, who is surprisingly easy to talk to and willing to team-up with Mags. She had thought him a bit of a jock. Tack's family were also Rebels and he has A Lot of Opinions on how the Capitol uses terror to keep the districts down. He would prefer to die at Mags' hands, or any other tribute than the muttations like the snakes that got Coral the year previous. He knows several District 4 kids who had nightmares about the snakes. He is very high minded, so obviously he will die. (Tack is blonde and has a polisci major vibe.)

Mags is more like Katniss in that she just wants to get back to her grandma. (She's old and might wander off a cliff!) But she does see his points.

Locked in cages, the tributes are interviewed by "the Gamemaker boy" (Snow), and Mags watches him very carefully as he charms some of the other tributes, particularly the female ones. Mags is, for once, grateful to be a lesbian because she forms a bond with Tigris, who is hired to make the tributes look presentable for the interviews, instead--both queer, both raised by their grandmothers and close to a cousin. She comes to realize Snow and Gaul never intend to stop the Hunger Games. She sees darkness in him and thinks he distrusts women (reader will know this is baggage from tbosas), thinking they are manipulative.

The Tributes are thrown into the ampitheater arena (same as 10 and prior) but it has been gutted and circus-themed, then filled with freakish muttations. There are different "rings" where different mutts are located. Mags and her partner work together and survive the lions, bears and--finally--an electric eel (as seen at the end of TBOSAS movie) which Mags evades mainly due to her ability to hold her breath for several minutes thanks to years of freediving in District 4. She is greatly affected by Tack's death.

When she emerges from the arena, she finds Snow made himself (the Ringmaster)--not the tributes--the star of the show, for political advantage. Mags is rarely allowed to speak in public--though her image is widely used for publicity purposes (see Capitol Couture) though Mags thinks it is Tigris who really made her striking. But she has a falling out with Tigris because she takes a dim view of Coriolanus, whom Tigris still thinks will stop the Games once he has more power.

Mags returns to 4 determined to spend as many good moments as she can with her grandmother (who no longer recognizes her, but that is okay because they are together) and hopes to prepare the children of 4 for the ongoing "forever war." She speaks out about her experience in the Capitol at events in 4 and eventually over the shipboard radios (mags basically goes on a podcast). Most people in 4 don't have TVs. Snow has her silenced with a poison that immobilizes much of her face. She helps her cousin run for Mayor in the hopes of finding a "better way" to chose kids for the Hunger Games--though she does not think any child should go only knows that it's not going to stop.

Slight Mags/Tigris but it doesn't work out. Epilogue set after the 70th Games, where Annie's disorientation reminds her of her grandmother. Annie very much wanted to be like the Mags of the posters the Capitol produced when she volunteered. But Mags knows that version of Mags was just an illusion. And Mags understands why the death of Annie's district partner nearly destroyed her. Themes about perception and reality, dementia, psychotic breaks etc.

Even though Mags' grandmother didn't know who she was at the end, it didn't matter so long as she felt safe and happy. Annie and Finnick give her a sense of family that she thought she had lost when her wife (who was not Tigris but that is okay) was killed by Snow. She is happy in this moment.

[russellius]

It’s been interesting watching George’s answer to “what would you be if not a driver” change over the years. Going from saying football player to saying he’d end up in the family business shows the type of mental growth he’s had. He’s become more mature and grounded in his tenure at Mercedes in so many ways, it’s crazy how unrecognized his personal growth is

yes, for a very long time, his go-to answer was a football player, and somewhere halfway through this year, he switched to farmer! :')

i think it's a convenient, and somewhat realistic answer if we were to look at the timeline strictly, but i don't know – he seems to me like someone who has greater ambitions and aspirations, than just dedicating his life to carrying on with the family business. i mean, the big question is, if it's not racing, then does he have another obsession like that? because this version of george – for him racing is all he ever knew, he grew up with one dream, one goal, his family was all in on that one goal and so on. so does he have football instead? (ha!) or some other career path that sucks him in? i don't know. would his parents want to keep him in that world, or would they have "bigger" plans for him? because they do seem like a family, who strive for a better life.

i think probably growing up, getting to europe, getting to f1 etc, was something obviously exciting for george, and he had the ambition to get out of norfolk and travel and see the world, all the usual stuff. and i still think he absolutely loves his lifey but at this point, especially with how taxing, hectic and chaotic f1 can be, he (realized he) yearns for the peace and calm that nature can offer, the occasional break from this life that he otherwise enjoys, and the whole idea of this, and what brings him comfort is probably tied to his home – and thus being a farmer as well.

in the past 1.5 years he has been very clear about how much he prioritizes taking the time to recharge and switch off, and how much being out in nature helps him to achieve that. and i think you can tell anyway, that he loves it! all his lovely old tweets, the way he talks about the weather and nature to this day... his love for the walks and hikes, and freediving... sailing! (we don't know how that has progressed...)

so i don't know, i think this could come from two places. there is i guess a slim possibility that this could have been him, but moreso i think for me it ties in with the switch in his mentality, and i take it more as what being a farmer could represent to him.

so in that sense i very much agree, that it shows his growth, and just the fact that he is starting to figure out what he needs to do to feel good in life, and what he needs to do to preserve himself, and not burn himself totally out. he's such an intense guy, and i'm glad to see that he could really work on finding the ways that help him bring the most out of himself (and i don't just mean in his career,) and make him feel content and healthy.

[maurofd1195]

Freedive training 50m DNF... With a short breathhold in the end... I'll keep training this exercise.