#free to print for personal use if anyone wants to c:

[willczek-art]

trying out a more sticker-y artstyle on our boi Alistair c:

[schrodinger-swriter]

Hello! I hope you're having a wonderful day/night!

I was wondering if i could request pentious with a very intelligent s/o, someone who knows their way around technology and is really good at making things! Maybe they make him fun little trinkets?

Take your time doing this and feel free to ignore this if you don't want to do it! -🎸

Sir Pentious x Intelligent!Inventor!Reader

Apologies if the term "inventor" is not accurate, any other word was escaping me... Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy Guitar Anon!

As a general thing for today, I apologize once more if my writing it a little more... bland than usual... I have made the mistake of drinking not one.. but two coffees within the past twelve hours. Stomach hurty :C

Special thanks to my friend over at @the-s1lly-corner for aiding me with this and letting me steal some ideas from them. thanks friend you've been a huge help with with this blog! Now go rest.

First of all, he would be thrilled that someone else is on the same level as him as well as sharing the same interests as him! He's going to seek you out to rattle off about his newest ideas. If he's feeling rather daring that day, he might even invite you into his room to come look at the blue prints.. and perhaps... help him build? Oh course he's only doing it because he's letting everyone into his room..! Obviously!

Anything you build for him he keeps in pristine condition in his room, he won't let anyone touch them. Not even his egg boiz. If it's a weapon he always brings it with him, he views it as a lucky charm of sorts. If it's a simple gadget to make his day to day easier he's going to make sure to keep up with it during maintenance, so it can stay in top condition.

You both exchange ideas, under the impression that the other person would have more use for the creation. You both spend hours going back and forth exchanging information... Perhaps you also tell stories of your past machines, detailing everything you've learned through trial and error?

[lightsoffwhentheyshouldbeup]

With the anonymity this blog gives me, this is kind of the only place I feel comfortable sharing my grief publicly.

For over a week, I kept coming back to our local Liam memorial. I added candles, flowers, a sea shell I collected from the beach at home, 3D printed dinosaur paper clips, a letter to Liam and a bracelet trading jar. I brought a sign with a green ribbon that says “mental health matters” and put bracelets that say “safety pin” and have a safety pin in them next to it, with a note “let this be your safety pin if you need one”.

If anyone irl asked me how I was doing, I would reply with “good, thanks”. Because there is something so private about my grief that I don’t want anyone to see. Something no one would understand.

I 100% believe that Liam’s death was an accident that happened under the influence of drugs and alcohol that happened due to mental health issues. I had people on the internet scream at me “it wasn’t su!c!d3” for days when I brought up mental health in this but I never thought it was. So I went quiet on the internet, too, because I did not feel seen there, either.

Liam wasn’t my favourite in 1D. He wasn’t my favourite solo. That has always been and will always be Harry and Niall.

But from the moment Liam spoke up about his mental health problems, I felt some sort of twisted connection to him. Sort of because for years I struggled with my own mental health, sort of because my step-brother struggled with his mental health and addiction for years. Without knowing him personally, I always felt like he was another one of us with hurt inner children. One of us who had to grow up too fast under circumstances they couldn’t control. I never got into Liam’s solo music, yet I always admired his talent for singing and dancing. And I cared about him as a person, because I usually care too much about other people anyway.

What hurts me the most about Liam’s passing is that he didn’t get a chance to recover and heal. And that too many times this could have happened to me or especially my step-brother far too easily.

Yet I decided, that is my personal pain. This doesn’t regard Liam. Wherever he is now, I hope there are dinosaurs and water pistols and everything he needs to feel free like a child there.

Fly high, Payno, and try not to bump into those flying dinosaurs too often. x

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 1

cw: trans male pregnancy (mentioned), angst

“Creepin’ Jesus I wish someone told me how expensive this shit is.” A sigh.

“Stop swearing!” A small voice snipes.

“Sorry, love.”

Johnny isn’t wrong though, if someone had told him how expensive kids stuff was, specifically the school uniform and supplies, he might’ve accepted that offer to move back home.

He turns his nose up at the thought, he’s an independent person and he sure as shit doesn’t need his mother breathing down his neck over his parenting techniques.

“Papa look at the baba!”

Johnny follows his daughters gaze to a tiny child in a pram, the small boy grasping at his feet and pulling his socks off.

Johnny chuckles, “You used to be that little, y���know?”

A scoff, “Nae way Pa’, I big!”

“You are now, yeah, but you used to be so tiny. I still have your newborn outfit, the one I took you home in, I’ll show you when we’re home.”

“Don’t believe ya’ Pops.” She says indignantly.

Johnny chuckles. He’ll sure show her!

He pays for the astonishingly priced clothes and shoes for his girl, holding her hand with one hand and the bag of clothes with the other, heading back to the car to go home.

“I wan’ try!” She shrieks when Johnny goes to buckle her in, him taking a step back to let his daughter attempt it herself before securing her into her car seat.

Johnny gets into the front seat, heading towards home when he flicks a gaze at his daughter. She looks troubled.

“Elizabeth, babe, are you okay?” He asks, turning the radio down so he can hear her.

She nods and toys with her fingers, “Yeah Papa- s’just. School’s soon, yeah?”

“Yes, next month, are you nervous?” He asks.

She shakes her head, “I just- I wanted Daddy to come.”

Johnnys heart breaks. No, it crumples into tiny shreds and leaks out of his chest like blood from a bullet wound, “Oh Lizzie, love, I’m sorry. If he could come, I’m positive he would be here.”

She sniffs, “Wanna meet him.”

“I know, I want you to meet him too. Someday soon, darling, okay?”

Elizabeth nods, toying with the belt around her shoulders and leaving the conversation there.

They arrive home soon after.

Johnny carries his daughter inside, slung over his hip as he drags the worlds most expensive shopping inside in his free hand.

Opening the door is a struggle but soon he is inside their small two bed apartment.

He sends Elizabeth upstairs, asking her to take her new clothes and shoes up to her room.

Johnny sits on the couch with a thud, thoughts of Simon whirring around his mind. He eyes his lacklustre apartment, thinking back to the deal he and Simon had made.

‘You always have a place here, Si’

‘And if you move?’

‘I swear to stay here for at least five years, love, so don’t forget about it.’

He massages tension from behind his eyes, groaning in his own pity. Four years have passed, no word from Simon. No word from anyone. For all he knows, Simon could be- he grimaces.

Never did he imagine his love life being so pitiful that he’d still worry for a man he hasn’t seen for four years whilst raising the daughter he has no idea about.

Another groan.

Johnny grabs the box from beneath his coffee table, containing his photo album and a bunch of loose photos, equipment for tacking the pictures in and expensive pens for writing under the photos. Beneath it are all the letters he sent to Simon, envelopes taped back together with big, red ‘Return to Sender’ print on the front.

He flicks it open and stares at the very first photo, his beautiful daughter, the day she was born.

He laboured alone (for sixteen painful hours) before she was finally born (via an emergency c-section, nonetheless) on October 26th at 9:15AM. One of the wonderful nurses he had took photos of him meeting her for the first time.

Johnny hated seeing himself in some of them, his face red and tears streaming down his cheeks, but it was all worth it just to see her.

Elizabeth Ada MacTavish was a curious baby, staring at her Father intently the second she saw him, and immediately her first came down on his bare chest, holding onto him with her screwed fists.

Johnny smiles at the photo, running his finger over it, before flicking to the next page where there’s a photo of him and Simon.

The only photo, in fact, of him and Simon, and beneath it is written: Made it to The Big City! (Manchester)

Johnny chuckles at Simon’s scribble next to the photo and almost jumps out of his skin when there’s a knock at the door.

Living in an apartment means most deliveries are left in his own mailbox downstairs so it isn’t often that the door sounds.

He jumps to his feet and rushes to the door in case it’s his Landlord or the Receptionist out front (her name is Sarah, both their girls are the same age and she lives in the block too, they are quite good friends at this point).

As he swings it open without a care in the world, his previously liquified heart nearly pours out of his mouth with the guest beyond the door.

“Hi Johnny.” Simon Riley says. Maskless, clad in black, and with a loose bandage around his wrist. He has a slope to his posture, be it shame or hurt, Johnny isn’t sure.

What he is sure of though, is the growing sound of footsteps and the thundering of his daughter racing to find her Papa.

Johnny turns to the side, cutting off Simon who was soon to speak again, in an attempt to stop his daughter.

“Elizabeth, sweetheart, wait a sec!” Johnny shouts, louder than intended when a small body careers into his side, brown curly hair bobbing at her shoulders when she crashes into his leg.

She looks at Simon and Simon looks at her. They both look like they’re figuring something out for just a moment before Elizabeth yells:

“Daddy!”

[iron-hearts-ablaze]

Karlach and her survivor's guilt.

The first of a two-part psychological deep-dive into Karlach.

Part 1: survivor's guilt Part 2: c-PTSD

I will preface all this by stating I am not an expert in the field of Psychology, but I do however have a BSc Joint Honours in Psychology and Counselling, as well as a higher education certificate in Embedded Helping Skills (forms of therapy). I studied these conditions, as well has having first-hand accounts. I have access to, and use, papers accredited by the British Psychological Society.

All of what I'm about to discuss is my own personal insight, it is not aimed to insult anyone in any way.

To start. What is survivor's guilt? The DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) describes survivor's guilt as a symptom of PTSD. It occurs when someone believes that something they did/did not do led to the deaths/harm of others, and a strong feeling of guilt behind being the survivour of a traumatic event.

I will, soon, go over the full list of symptoms of c-PTSD specifically, and how Karlach fits them, backed up by quotes and events in-game. However, I wanted to look more into survivor's guilt (henceforth shortened to S.G) due to my headcanon that extends Karlach's personal mission in the game. It is possible to have PTSD without S.G, and vice versa. However, I strongly believe Karlach has S.G as a SYMPTOM of c-PTSD, not just it working on it's own.

Karlach doesn't fit ALL side effects of S.G, however she certainly fits the following; feelings of helplessness, mood swings (specifically angry outbursts), flashbacks (cut from game, but I headcanon she does have them on this blog), difficulty sleeping, obsessive thoughts about the event (she frequently brings up Gortash/Zariel/Avernus etc). These naturally stretch out into her possible diagnosis of c-PTSD as well, but like I said, I'll go more in detail on that in another post.

It's well known at this point that a lot of her content was cut. But an interesting idea still has breadcrumbs within the game, concerning the Foundry and the Steel Watch automatons. Specifically, her connection to them.

When Karlach interacts with a Steel Watcher, it mistakes her for one of them. Albeit, an outdated model. It's quite well known that what was used to create Karlach eventually became the Steel Watchers. I feel, that if this part of Karlach's story was expanded upon, we would see her realisation fully. That she most likely would feel responsible for these machines.

Except they weren't always machines. They were once people. Their brains and hearts now used in these automatons. I theorise we would have had a profound moment for Karlach where she realises just how many people Gortash has killed, following the blue print that Zariel gave to him. The one that created her.

The Steel Watcher's would not have existed if she hadn't been given to the devil. They are an evolution of her machine. They are connected to her. She kept her soul, and most of her body. They did not get that chance.

I feel Karlach would have already struggled with S.G prior to this. She wasn't the only one Zariel tried to experiment on - she was just the only one to survive the tortures. So many others died before she was 'created'. Only to find out that it wasn't just in Avernus, but happening in Faerûn too? She would feel responsible.

She would no doubt think if she hadn't existed, these people would still be alive. She would want them to be at peace, unlike herself. Power them down, free their biology from the metal and - if given the chance - possibly even bury them all. To allow some kind of rest, and to make sure anyone after Gortash could not pick up where he left off. Burn everything down after that.

It is advised that anyone struggling with S.G to allow themselves time to grieve - however Karlach says so herself she is either "off, or go-go-go". She has not had TIME to stop. So she could also take those feelings and move them into something positive, i.e bury the body parts. She would also need to practise self-forgiveness. Which, as someone who regrets some of the things she did in Avernus and certainly regrets working for Gortash - will not happen any time soon.

Karlach has the air of denial about her and her mental health. S.G is just a part of that, festering until it can be addressed. Which, in-game, never happens. So it will continue to eat at her.

In this portrayal, I acknowledge this part of Karlach, even if the game wasn't able to due to cuts.

[pbandjesse]

My voice continues to allude me. I was such more squeaky today which was more painful. But thankfully I did not have to talk much at all. That did not stop me from still talking but still. I tried to rest my voice at least a bit.

I did not sleep well. I don't know what it is what at night I get this pathetic wheezy cough that keeps me up and makes me feel terrible. I was able to sleep but it was sitting up again. Which I hate.

At least I was able to sleep at little bit though. And woke up at 7 and was like. Wait it's Wednesday I can sleep later. So I reset my alarm for 745 and got a little extra rest.

When I got up James was there and that was nice. They also had a later start today because of extended hours. So they would come out with me to go for a bike ride and enjoy their free morning.

I had an alright drive but there was a bunch of traffic. Which was whatever. No one was waiting for me for anything. No one would even be in until almost 10. So I had time to just be alone and that was good. More rest for my voice.

I spent that first hour in the very cold art building. My fingers would hurt from working and putting things away and sorting. But it was nice just having a specific task. And I was able to basically get everything put away and organized and ready for the spring. I did find out 3 hours later that I will have another field trip this season, which is shocking because it is usually too cold for kids to be outside for field trips but that's fine. At least I know now that it's all ready to go.

I went back to the office and soon people were coming in. Heather was the first one in and she told me all about her project that she came up with with maiden choice and creating a summer camp program week for them during our orientation in the spring / beginning of summer. And she was so excited about it and I thought that was so sweet. And I really think that if we can get the funding for it it'll be really cool. But with all the staff needed both on our end and theirs, it would cost somewhere in the ballpark of $37,000. Which is a lot for one week. But I think it would be really awesome for the group if we can make it happen.

Pretty quickly everyone else was there and I asked Sarah if she had made any headway redesigning the display poster. It is super out of date and the pictures are from like James's child. She said we had chosen some pictures but beyond that she didn't know how to really start laying it out if she didn't have the prints. So I suggested that I start throwing something together in Canva. And I actually got really really into this and I worked on it from around 10:00 until around 1:30. Just picking fonts and designing it and making a really nice. I ran it past Jess a few times too because she has such a good eye for it but her main comments were just that she didn't understand why everything was in capital letters. But that was just the font choice. And then she had some issues with some of the alignment but because we're going to be printing it to cut out and collage anyway I'm not that concerned about it.

Everyone else still had a few notes in the office. A couple little spelling things a couple changing how something is worded. They wanted to replace a few pictures to make things look a little bit more diverse. But overall everyone really liked my design and that always feels really good. I'm going to be designing some more signs and stuff and honestly they could not be picking someone who is more excited about it than me. Both excited and the correct person for the job because I have a good eye for signage and design. I'm also possibly going to be doing some smaller murals with Sarah and I'm really looking forward to that too.

Ever since the man that usually painted the signs passed away they haven't had anyone to really do it. One guy from Friends of puhtok has done a couple small things but if me and Sarah are really interested I think they'll really let us jump into a lot of it and that's really cool.

I did take a couple small breaks but by the mid-afternoon I kind of was just like bored of sitting and there wasn't a ton for me to be doing. I had printed out all of my summer lesson plans and start organizing those into what needed an example and what didn't. But I needed a break from the computer so I decided to go for a walk.

I walked up to the art building but then I turned around and went down the path towards the frog pond. It is completely dried up and there is no water in it at all. Very weird. And then I walked through the woods down to the Alaskans and over to the Glen. When I got to the Glen I saw that bee hotel has kind of fallen apart and so I've made that a new personal project. I want the bugs to overwinter well so I'm going to also build a couple bug snugs over there too. Since we don't really have any more groups except for a few here and there I will have time for these very silly projects that I have come up with. But it is also important to me that our bugs have somewhere safe to overwinter. And if I can make a nice little space we can also make a display sign for it and use it for educational purposes. In the meantime I took the bee hotel and I filled it with leaves. And tomorrow I'm going to bring my drill in a good bit and a gun to drill out some logs for solitary bees to live inside of. And maybe other crotters but I'm mostly I'm worried about the solitary bees.

I would sit on a bench for a while and watch TikToks on my phone. I found today that I do have a little bit more of a voice which is nice but it's so squeaky. And if I don't talk for any length of time it's really hard to get my voice back up again. I also sound ridiculous. Kind of like spinelli from recess. The TV show. Just really straining.

After my walk I came back to the office and started printing bear patterns for my workshop on Friday but also they will be used for my summer program. I wrote instructions on them about where to tuck and sew ears and where optional sew lines are as well like in the arms and legs to give it a more floppy appearance. And then just to make sure that they can be used over and over I cut them out and laminated them. And then I laminated them a second time. Because I find that when you cut them they start to separate but if you reheat it up it has a better deal and lasts longer. It takes a really long time to laminate stuff but I really enjoy it. It's that thing again about just having a defined task at the beginning and end. And it was just nice to sit there and work on that.

Me and Sarah would have a really nice conversation with Heather about plans for the winter and things that we want to do for the upcoming year to make camp a little nicer. Some exciting stuff and just little maintenance things. We also talked about doing more field trips and activities together as an office to go see what other things are going well at other places. And Heather suggested that we go on a trail ride as a staff group tomorrow. I don't know if Elizabeth or Alexi will do it with us but me and Sarah are totally down. And Heather is such a horse girl so it's going to be nice to see her ride too because I never get to see that. I just know that she does it at home. So I'm excited to see that.

We were stretching in the office and talking about figure skating and roller skating. We ended up talking to Chloe about roller skating later and we're going to try to get everyone to go roller skating with us so that is very cool. But she was also eating tortellini and I was like I should go get something to eat too. But the only thing I wanted was a hoagie. If I didn't leave right then I wasn't going to be able to get back to Manor Mill in time for our class.

So at 5:00 I left and I went to Wawa. It took like 20 minutes to get there because of traffic. And they took a while to make my sandwich mostly because they had a lot of like Uber orders. But it was fine. I mostly went there because I didn't have to talk to anyone. Can order and pay on a screen.

Doing my post right now is very rough and is making my throat feel very uncomfortable because I kind of have to hold the air in the back of my throat but I'm not really using my vocal cords as much as you would think. It is not comfortable. Once my post is done I'm going to try to be quiet again for a very long time. (Oops instead I tried scream singing to 100gecs and might have dislodged some thing and I can actually talk???)

I know again that a lot of typos in this and I'm doing my best and I will go back and edit them before I post it hopefully.

After I got my sandwich I ate it while I drove which I'm sure looked very silly. Eating a hoagie with hands and driving with my elbows. But I made it in one piece to Manor Mill. GPS took me the weirdest and most backwoods way possible but I made it there without hitting any deer or causing any accidents. And I was there exactly on time.

I didn't throw anything today but I did decide to make a few more small critters. This time I made stars shaped bears. So they're flat. I'm not sure how I'm going to glaze them because they don't really have a side to stand on. I might have to leave a note about them going on a pin or something. But beyond that I worked on trimming things and I got to get a few of my pieces that were glazed last week and they look great. The one feedback I have for myself is that you accidentally made the bears green. But that's okay they're not on a part you're going to eat anyway so I might just paint over them is fine. I think the blanket design looks so cute and my little house even though it came out kind of modeled it looks really neat. And I'm just really proud of them. Though the blue bowl is stuck to a tile. I put too much place on it I guess.

I would work on my bear vases from last week as well. Just trimming symbols and then once the bears were dry enough I worked on cutting them open. While they were hollow they were not very hollow. So I'm going to have to carve them out a little bit more. I also decided that I would put keys on them, the little triangles, so that the lid fits on the base nice. And they kind of kind of look like they can pee like pause. I might put a little details on them to make them more pot like. But in general I'm really happy with the work I made today and I just felt really productive. We also just had some really nice conversations and we're very silly. Me and Lindsey the teacher, who was practice week and me really bonded because both of our siblings have been in jail for so long. Mine is dead but still lots of common. And I told stories about her and I was just really nice because it was her birthday so recently and I don't really get to talk about her much. I try not to make too many jokes to make other people uncomfortable but I always say that she was a terrible sister. But she was my terrible sister and I've been robbed of knowing about all the terrible things that she would have done if she was still alive. And man was she good for a story. I do miss and I hurt for my dad and for her kids and her mom and I know that she's definitely very much in the forefront of everyone's mind right now. I know she is for me.

I decided to clean up and leave around 8:30. I wanted to get home so I can wash my hair and try to get more sleep tonight. Hopefully I won't have to sleep sitting up. Right now I'm okay coughing much. I'm mostly just really squeaky. But we'll see what happens. I'm really looking forward to seeing James and hugging sweetp.

I'm going to start doing some research from murals and me and Sarah going to go and clean the lodge before we go on a trail ride. I don't know what else the day will hold but I think it will be a beautiful day and maybe my voice will be back. I'm not holding out hope for that one but maybe

I hope that you all have a really good night tonight. I hope you sleep well and I hope that you are appreciating that you can talk. Because being basically silenced for the last week has not been fun. I'm miss singing most of all. Good night everybody. Be safe out there.

[the-music-maniac]

I recently downloaded a book called “Not All Himbos Wear Capes” by this author named C. Rochelle cause yesterday was like a free Amazon ebook giveaway type thing and I was scrolling through the lists with my friend and this particular one stood out to me cause both the cover page and the title made me crack up - also it was a queer novel so - fdaiofjao that’s not the important part of this post -

I read it and I’m actually flabbergasted by how much these characters remind me of a - way waaay more exaggerated and satirical mind you, and i’m like 99% sure this book is satirical because they live in a city called B i g C i t y, so this feels like a call out to every single superhero movie out there that’s set in a b I G  C I T Y  (ahem new york ahem), and because a lot of the dialogue and names and stuff were absolutely RIDICULOUS in the funniest way possible, I paused several times to just stare at the ceiling and wheeze, it was cringe in a “this sparks joy” type of way, y’know? - version of Steve and Tony.

Like all the plot and the characters + the superhero and villain system and the world building concepts are original so it wasn’t similar per se, but specifically these two characters made me feel nostalgic enough that I sat up and took notice -

Spoiler warning:

The character of Butch - which is the superhero in this superhero x villain duo - first of all, named Captain Masculine (”CAPTAIN” my brain screeched at me) which is The Funniest name I have ever had the privilege of seeing on a superhero, i love it - while way less jaded than Steve is, less traumatized than Steve is - uhhh maybe not less unhinged than Steve is - and way more wholesome innocent, has moments where his demeanor is super reminiscent of what I’ve seen in early 2012 stony fics and some marvel 616 characterizations of him. He’s generally thought of to be a kind person, who has a public reputation that has been controlling all of his decisions and movements for years. And he goes along with it cause he wants to help. Sound familiar?

And Xander - aka the villain - is very much a scientist with multiple PhDs, a marine biologist and a genius inventor, no powers of his own (at the beginning ahem) - called Dr Antihero - is someone who is of course thought of as a villain in the general public even though this man really doesn’t try all that hard to be villainous, doesn’t believe himself to be a good person even though this man genuinely is a pretty good person who’s trying to use his smarts to make a difference in the world. Which is super reminiscent of the characterizations in alternate universe fics where Tony becomes a supervillain (usually for good reason).

There’s a lot there that’s not the same of course, most of the plot is this author’s own - pretty well written surprisingly, admittedly I didn't go into the story with any high expectations, the science was a little iffy but it wasn't the main point of anything so it was fine - and I still view Butch and Xander as their own characters - and i want to make it very clear that they remind me of the fanfic characterizations i’ve seen of steve and tony not the actual canon characterizations because the mcu sucks ass wait what who said that (i hadn’t gotten through all the comics by the time i lost interest in marvel so i don’t 100% know how the comic versions of them are)

If anyone who sees this post is interested in reading the book I also gotta warn that it's 18+ the smut dialogue is hilarious (in a good way - well to me it's a good way cause I had fun reading it even if I did find it cringe at times) but tis still smut

And I was all set to convince myself i was delusional until I SAW THE FANART PRINTS THEY PUT AT THE END OF THE BOOK AND MY MAN XANDER HAS A GOATEE????? AND BUTCH IS BLONDE WITH BLUE EYES????  IN A BLUE UNIFORM??? XANDER’S VILLAIN COSTUME HAS GOLD ACCENTS???

*insert “YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MOTHERFUCKER LOOK LIKE??!!! LOOOOOK” audio*

ALSO THE BOOK HAD MARVEL REFERENCES

Am I just trippin because I don’t know anything about this particular author - maybe i’m just pointing out the obvious - this is the first book I’ve seen of theirs but were they a stony fan in the past??????? Perchance???????

This has been an absolute adventure and a half

[dinosaurcharcuterie]

As someone living in a city that prides itself on accessibility-based-on-engineering-standards, this.

If anyone wants to know why:

I have a bus in front of my front door, stopping at 3 supermarkets, my job and the train station. Only one of those has no seating, large print schedules or audio help for stops, and the city is really loud about it. Except another one of them had the audio and large print removed after vandalism and/or inclement weather. Two of those stops' seating is anti homeless seating, so I can't wait for the bus without being in pain if my joint pain flares up. Only the train station bus stop is near paid public toilets, but they close with the station.

All buses except some replacement vehicles "kneel" and have space for mobility aid users. Plural, because there's space for 2. Unless one of them is in an electric chair, then it's 1. And then the driver has to get out to deploy the heavy duty ramp. And if anyone is on the bus with heavy luggage or a stroller, they can and will be kicked off to make space for mobility aid users--which sounds valid until you've been on the bus with a mother trying to get her two kids under 3 with a 38°C fever to the doctor on time during a downpour. "Next bus is in 30 minutes" doesn't quite help. The taxi doesn't show up for sick kids--you gotta call the medical transport (prices start at €120 per sick person). 112 only brings you to the ER. Oh, and there's a hierarchy of which mobility aid users need the bus more, if there's 3 chair users who need to get on.

More buses during high traffic times would fix it. Having buses with lengthwise seating would allow wild stuff, like having 2 wheelchair users, 2 strollers and at least 4 rollator users to be on the same bus at the same time while still leaving seating for passengers with the luxury of choice of how much they're lugging along. There might even be leg room.

But hey, no one is forcing anyone to take the bus, right? You can drive! Except you can't pay for parking if you need to stay in a wheelchair. The machines are too high up. I think some accessible parking can be free, you just have to find the right office, go there, fill in paperwork and... Most of them don't have accessible entrances. Or they do, if you're willing to go around the back of the building through the sketchiest alley on the block. And if the ancient elevator (automatic doors not guaranteed) works. Sometimes you have to call a number to have both the accessible entrance and the elevator opened. Hopefully the person at the desk isn't off for lunch. Hopefully the sign isn't vandalized (see: sketchiest alley on the block).

But all pavements can accommodate at least 1 wheelchair! Like the one between those supermarkets and the city center my buses drive by! They even connect to the local hospital and two buildings with several specialist physician practices to the city center! Which is good! Except there's a few spots, without a lowered pavement edge, where precisely one wheelchair can pass for 20-50 m. On the one side is a road where it's legally 30 kmh, but no one enforces it. On the other side is a wall. Wheelchair users don't have friends or partners or (grand)children they want to take to any cultural site in our historic city center, right? And it's not like people go in two directions on the same pavement. Even if they did, engineering standards teach us the other person will never be anyone except the fittest, thinnest, most eagle-eyed and visible whippersnapper with zero things on their person. They'll either notice and wait, or just walk on the road. Yes, we do have several apartments specialized in providing housing for the legally blind, but cane users have zero issues using here. Some blind people walk next to sighted people if they're unsure how to safely navigate a traffic situation, but they can just... Um... Well, most people can get by. As long as they're not overweight and also carrying groceries. And there's pedestrian crossing within 20 m of one of those spots, near the hospital. The lights are timed to the second for a safe crossing at 5 kmh if you start exactly when it turns green, just like the traffic code demands.

They could make those spots that have 1) technically a very low speed limit, and 2) very easily navigated alternate routes from both sides, narrower for cars and force them to go one direction at a time, but the pavements on both sides are up to code and a (1) wheelchair user can pass! This is an accessible city!

As a wheelchair user I'm trying to reframe my language for "being in the way."

"I'm in the way," "I can't fit," and "I can't go there," is becoming "there's not enough space," "the walkway is too narrow," and "that place isn't accessible."

It's a small change, but to me it feels as if I'm redirecting blame from myself to the people that made these places inaccessible in the first place. I don't want people to just think that they're helping me, I want them to think that they're making up for someone else's wrongdoing. I want them to remember every time I've needed help as something someone else caused.

[cricutsetupmac]

Festive Cricut Christmas Ideas to Sell: Boost Your Sales in 2023

Being a craft seller, I have been selling Cricut crafts for many years. I know how and what to make that sells high and quickly. Selling is an art, and if you understand it, then you can sell as much as you want. So, Christmas is arriving soon, and I have come up with several festive Cricut Christmas ideas to sell for successful sales.

Be it gifts or other decorative items, the demand for these things is always high. Therefore, no one should miss this golden opportunity as it can earn you a good amount of money. That’s why I am here to help you with my expertise as a craft seller. In this blog, I am going to share my previous projects or goods that I have sold till now.

Plus, all of these Christmas-related things can be made using the Cricut cutting machine. Want to know what projects those are? Let’s have a look.

1.  Merry Christmas T-shirts/Hoodie

This year, the Merry Christmas T-shirt is one of the best Cricut Christmas ideas to sell. You can try some more catchy phrases or graphics images and print them using your Cricut machine. Also, you can add text like “Merry Christmas” in different colored shirts.

Also, you can add this text to the hoodie because, in the winter season, hoodies are in high demand. So, you must take a chance to sell both T-shirts and hoodies.

2.  Digital Christmas Files

If you are a Cricut user and have a lot of collections on Christmas, then you can sell digital Cricut files. Today, there are many online buyers available on platforms like Etsy and Teachers Pay Teachers. On this platform, you can use SVG Cricut files that anyone can use for their own projects. Due to its high demand, digital content is the best Cricut Christmas idea to Sell.

3.  Christmas Gift Card Holder

I always feel weird handing someone a gift card, especially when it is only a gift card. However, when you use a cute wrapper to wrap the gift, it looks extraordinary. Therefore, you must create these and sell them on an online portal to earn extra money. With your Cricut machine, you can cut several materials, so use materials suitable for every buyer.

4.  Christmas Gift Bags

Gifting someone a gift without a bag looks impersonal. Hence, I prefer to carry a bag. But when this is a special occasion, such as Christmas, I always try to use a personalized gift bag. This handy can be quickly personalized using the Cricut cutting machine. So, produce more such bags and sell them wherever you want.

5.  Custom Gift Tags

Gift tags are easy to personalize and make using any Cricut cutting machine. With this advanced device, you can add eye-catching phrases that attract customers and people at the same time. Besides, you have just to create a pattern, then itr will be easy to add anything that you want to your gift tags. Despite Christmas, gift tags can be sold on a normal day.

6.  Christmas Coasters

There are many Cricut Christmas ideas to sell. One of them is Christmas coasters. Also, this is the best way to gift someone. I love useful gifts so much and always prefer to gift someone because it doesn’t go to waste. Since it is most widely used, consider adding this item to your selling lists. 

7.  Paper Christmas Wreath

Sell this amazing Christmas paper wreath made with Cricut. See how beautiful it looks in the above picture. This foliage wreath is visibly attractive. Also, the Cricut Design Space app has a lot of elements that can help you with various projects. So, simply start your Cricut machine and make this beautiful-looking paper wreath. So, you can try these Cricut Christmas ideas to sell hassle-free.

FAQs

Question 1: What are the best Christmas Cricut ideas to sell?

Answer: Selling is an art, and you must understand what your customer wants from you. For this, you have to understand what’s going on in the trend. Then, try to make those gifts or projects for Christmas that you can sell high in numbers. Below, I am providing a few Christmas ideas that you can sell easily:

Christmas Ornaments

Soap & Candles

Handmade Stockings

Gift Baskets Mini Christmas Trees

Handmade Christmas Clothes

Wall Art

Question 2: What Cricut Christmas projects should I make to earn money?

Answer: Cricut cutting machines are a powerful tool that is used for various purposes. However, you can also make a wide range of projects/gifts for your Christmas. To make such projects, have a look at the below list of items:

Ornaments

Water bottle decals

Wall Decor

Faux leather earrings

T-shirts and sweatshirts

Bumper stickers

Wood signs

Gift tags

Oven mitts and potholders

Pillow covers

Question 3: What can I make with my Cricut Explore Air 2 for Christmas?

Answer: There are many types of ornaments you can make using your Cricut Explore Air 2. They are Reindeer hot chocolate, Gingerbread, Snowflake, I’m Snow Cute, and Snowman. Besides, you can also make gift wrap, gift tags, Christmas tea towels, 3D paper snowflakes,

Cricut treat boxes, Custom Christmas pillows, wine bottle bags, coasters, etc.

Final Thoughts

In short, I have mentioned 7 best Cricut Christmas ideas to sell in this blog. The projects I have mentioned in this blog can help you earn a good amount of extra money. However, as a craft seller, I would recommend you go for personalized T-shirts or other objects because they have a high potential to be sold. Despite personalized gifts, you can also sell gift card holders, which are in high demand. Lastly, you should focus on what people want instead of what you like.

Visit - Cricut.com/setup

Cricut Design Space app

Cricut Design Space Download

www.cricut.com/setup

[ltleflrt]

This whole backlash against printing fics irks the fuck out of me, and I got some shit to say about it. Mostly "Fuck You" but here's some nuance:

On the surface, I understand where the naysayers are coming from. It's a legitimate fear that making a profit from fanworks will bring down the C&D Hammer on fandom. I get that. Do not put on the One Ring, or you'll risk the Eye of Sauron.

But here's the thing. Fuck capitalism. Fuck digital only. We're living in the digital dark ages, and 100 years from now huge swathes of our history, fact and fiction, will be lost to our descendants because there will be no physical copies of our lives for them to find in old libraries and boxes in the attic, etc.

Creators deserve physical copies of their creations, and so do the other people in the world who love them.

I don't want to profit from letting people print my fics. That's why I use Lulu, since they have an option to set zero profit and make the links hidden so only fans in the know can get a copy. Other printing sites I've looked at in the past don't have those options. In fact, the first time I ever even thought about printing one of my stories was when I won NaNo for the first time and one of the prizes was a coupon for 3 free printings of your story. HELL YEAH, that's a copy for me, a copy for my beta, and a copy for the artist who made the cover for me. Perfect! But I ended up not using that coupon, because the site required I set a profit margin, and did not have an option to make it private. Ummm, no thanks. Not worth the risk. And even though the profit margin could be set as low as ten cents, I did not want to make ANY money from my fic, because I know that would be breaking Fair Use rules. I found Lulu instead, and decided to let other people get copies too, because I'm nice. And if I don't, it's not like I can stop them from doing it themselves, no matter how much I'd rather they not do that.

But that's not good enough for the Reporting Trolls. Their argument is that it's not possible for it to be completely profit free, since Lulu makes a profit on the printing costs and the shipping carriers make a profit off the shipping costs. Someone is making a profit, and that's unacceptable, even if that someone is not Me, The Person Who Made The Printing and Shipping Worth Paying For.

I would like anyone who thinks that to delete your accounts where you read fanfiction. AO3, Wattpad, FFNet, LJ, Dreamwidth, hell even Tumblr for the short ficlet stuff that only gets posted here. Because even if the website it self isn't profiting, (AO3 for example), the companies that sold them their server hardware made a profit. Since utilities are privatized, the electric company that runs those servers are making a profit. IF YOU PRINT IT ON YOUR PRINTER AND PUT IT IN A 3 RING BINDER, the paper, printer, and ink manufacturers made a profit from your dinky little print out. The companies that build all the parts for your computer or your smartphone made a profit on your portal to the internet, who profits from your monthly subscription, just like your electric company profits from the power it takes to run your pc or charge your phone battery. IT'S A SLIPPERY FUCKING SLOPE, AND YOU NEED TO LEARN WHEN TO BACK AWAY FROM THE LEDGE.

We live in a Capitalist Hellscape, and if a company could figure out how to charge you to breathe and for every single beat of your heart, they'd fucking do it. So get off your goddamn high horses with this "wELL SoMEonE iS makINg PrOFit" bullshit. Or if you truly believe that, shut off every account you own, turn off your utilities, and go live in the woods and make up your own goddamn stories, which you can only share orally to the local wildlife. They give kudos by biting you and giving you rabies.

(not to mention; these assholes don't go after fanartists who are ABSOLUTELY making a profit off their work. but noooo, Flirty can't format a fic for print and allow other people to pay for the printing service and shipping, while never seeing a penny of that herself, despite all of the GODDAMN WORK I HAVE PUT INTO IT, WRITING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE INCLUDED FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufucky--)

[twisted-tales-told]

how does one go about binding books? it sems so interesting and im just wondering if i ever want to prints fics yk

also picturess

FINALLY SOMEONE ASKING ME ABOUT BOOKBINDING. I have all this knowledge and no one ever asks. I LIVE for bookbinding. I picked up my phone to see this after bookbinding for the past hour.

So: here you go:)  A guide.

*This is specifically for fanfiction, if anyone has any questions about making journals etc. I can answer those too :) 

Before we start, here’s a start to finish actually binding it tutorial This Man Must Be Protected At All Costs. We don’t deserve him. He talks you through putting the book together really well.

I’m putting the rest below the cut because I’m nice. (there’s pretty + useful pictures there) 

Some Bookbinding language: 

Signatures. Signatures are the lil groups of paper u bind with. They’re usually grouped into four UNLESS you’re using water colour paper or cardstock. (Just in case someone reading this knows absolutely nothing about paper, don’t use either of those for your fanfic pages you’ll hate yourself and the final product.) (ignore the ice cube tray in the background, its my paint pallet. Don’t judge me. 

Book Press: A thing used to press the signatures. Mine is so gross and destroyed I refuse to show it, you can make one out of cutting boards.

Bone Folder: yes, it is made out of bone. Yes you can choose to find a plastic or wooden one. I personally have terrible sensory issues when it comes to paper so I need to use one made out of bone. They’re used to fold the signatures. 

*You don’t actually need one if you have a book press, cuz the signatures get flattened in there anyways, but your hands will hurt a bit after all the folding if you don’t use one. Or, at least mine do.They look like this.

Kettle Stitch :This is, in my opinion, the superior binding method for fanfiction. It’s simple, it’s easy to learn, and its great for actually reading cuz the spine is strong but the pages like flip well? That’s hard to describe. The link at the start of this is my favourite tutorial.

Materials & some tips.

Paper: You can use anything. But, beware of the thickness, I use eco recycled paper, which is better for the environment, but you need to be a bit more gentle when actually binding so it doesn’t rip. 

A) NYLON thread. Don't come in here with your cotton or polyester thread. Nylon. Is. Superior. It won't break and it's easier to untangle (waxed thread is kind of overrated and expensive)

B) a bone folder and book press: you can really use either or, but if you’re only going to use one, it should be the book press.

C) Board. It’s for the cover. I am begging you, if you are still learning, do not attempt a paperback. You will get severely frustrated. Get yourself some Davey Board or any thick(ish) board of any kind and use that. The tutorial guy will help you with sizing. The trickiest part is the spine, getting it the right size just takes practice. 

D) Fabrics: Repeat After Me: Book Cloth Is Stupid. Some book binders hate me rn, but its true and I’ll die there. And then, I show them This:

Do you see this shit? Not one is book cloth. Look How Pretty Your Books Could Be. The purple one is drapery cloth, theres some cork board ones, and the top two are just thickish cotton. The book industry is just boring and they don’t know how to have fun. Also yes, I know the cork board two look kinda awful, they were the first ones I ever made. Leave them alone they’re doing their best. 

E) Glue. PVA Acid Free bookbinding glue is the best option, I recommend getting a one of the really soft paintbrushes from Walmart or whatever cheap and big softer one you can, it just makes spreading it easier. I’m really picky about the glue I use because I’m paranoid. This is the one I get, but It’s expensive, you can honestly use tacky glue and you’ll be fine

D) Curved Needle Please splurge on one. They’re like an extra dollar than one of the straight needles, and you will save yourself so many injuries. Every single tutorial will say “oh, you don’t need one” and they’re Idiots for it. Well I don’t like the feeling of stabbing myself repeatedly, and I’m willing to spend 10 dollars on a Set of 36  so that I’m not just in pain all the time. 

Ah, Typesetting. Hell on Earth

You want pretty chapter titles? Get Canva. There’s a free version and she’s lovely.

I, personally, will die before I print from a PDF. That being said, I wish with all my heart and soul that I had microsoft word. Because I use Literal Pages (if you don’t have a mac, you’re confused as fuck. If you do and you’ve had the pleasure of attempting to use pages, yeah. I know. It’s not great but it’s what I have)

Get rid of all your margins. Make sure your title images, if you’re gonna be a fancy canva title bitch like me, are moving with your text. I wish I could help you with a table of contents but I do it by hand aka, insert a table & tracking the pages as I copy paste + “fix up” chapters. *by fix up I mean correct colouring, add the indents, change the font size & type etc. Add italics. 

Indents should be 0.5 inches or it looks weird. You can do the pages so they’re the professional wall to wall text, but I cannot stress how much work it is to make sure it copies properly. 

Now, if you’re stupid and use pages like me...you have to redo all the italics. Good Luck. 

If you want to risk seeing if a PDF works---which it really can go badly if your margins aren’t literally Zero (and even then sometimes PDF adds them which is rude of them) you can, and you won’t have to redo all the italics. It’s your choice and if you find a better way Tell Me. 

Specifics:

You want Chapter One to be on Page 7 of the typeset. Again, this might change if you’re not using Pages, but that took me so long to figure out that I need to include it here. Before that there’s the, what I call, The Blank gluing page, another blank for the back of that page, the pretty Image + quote page you open up to, a blank one, Table of contents, Blank, Then, Finally, Chapter one. 

You can also do some weird settings for changing the page numbers so Chapter one, aka page one, you “Start a new section” and “start at 1″ Then you can delete the page numbers from the previous 6 pages and you’ll get page one on the actual first page of the book.

Font Size: There’s going to be two pages on one paper, so your font size is going to be 16/17. I prefer 17 because I’m blind. 

Here’s a Muse In Secret Typeset as an example that I made one day because I was bored. I don’t know if the Author gave permission for us to print it out or not so I haven’t but I made the type set so I could learn with a decent sized project. 

So that’s kinda what it looks like. 

You print it using the “layout--> Booklet” feature. Print in groups of “16″ which is 4 pages, 2 sided. 

Now for: Mistakes I’ve Made That You Won’t Have To Make Now

1.You need to use Thick Cardstock or something stronger to do the interior pages. 

It needs to be strong enough that it won’t rip. Don’t be me and think, oh I can use pretty paper, because this happens

*ALSO, and this is a weird one, A03 for some reason....the text is not black. And hey, you have to highlight everything to change the font size, type, and add indents anyways so you might as well change it to black as well. It makes a big difference. 

Other than these basics, the fun is the creativity and figuring it out. It’s okay to switch up fonts & design elaborate chapter titles, and add art and fanart you love. Make it personal to you. It’s why I don’t share my typesets. I put so much work into them and I can appreciate every little detail because of that.

Good Luck Amon!! It’s a really fun hobby, and it doesn’t have to be super expensive. Except for printer ink. I have no solutions for that one. 

[queeranarchism]

Hey! I saw your post about how hiveminds are represented poorly, where you then talked about how anarchists form a consensus among large groups. I was wondering how this process of forming a consensus typically works, because I always thought people did have a vote.

Most anarchist communities don’t vote. Because whenever we vote, a majority gets what they want and a minority doesn’t. And this could mean there is dissatisfaction, which leads to internal strife, anger, bitterness, mistrust. Or worse this could mean there is injustice when a minority doesn’t get the safety, resources, access, fulfillment, they need. And that’s not what we want. For many anarchists, voting is a tool of injustice through which minority interests are suppressed. Instead, anarchists use:

1. Consensus: decisions that impact everyone are made by using a variety of techniques to get to an agreement that everyone can agree on. Consensus processes often consist of small gatherings in which affinity groups and minority caucuses talk among themselves, followed by large gatherings in which the conversation goes on until there is agreement among all (established through hand-raising or some other technique. Basically a vote that requires 100% yes).

2. Autonomy: decisions that mainly impact you and your affinity group can be made without consulting anyone. Decisions that only impact your neighborhood require a consensus within the neighborhood, etc. Basically no one not impacted by your decisions can get in your way, unless you start harming and oppression others.

3. Emergency agreements: most anarchist communities have some system in place through which some people can make fast decisions. When there’s a fire, or a flood, or an eviction, you gotta act fast. Often a what-if plan has been made in advance using consensus and that what-if plan is implemented with the use of temporary leaders or temporary voting followed by a review and re-establishment of consensus.

Consensus is the least understood of those 3 concepts because very few people can imagine acting in a community based on good faith, where no one wants their favorite option to win and everyone wants an outcome that works best for everyone. Consensus requires trust, flexible positions, really listening to minority voices and being able to settle for a less than perfect option because you recognize the needs of other people.

Electoral decision making cultivates competition, only listening to large groups who have the voting power to achieve a majority, encouraging faithfulness to a fixed position to build a majortiy and basically the opposite of all these cooperative attitudes. So if you’ve raised in majority decision making, it’s not surprising that it’s difficult to imagine people acting differently.

Seeds for Change described the consensus process as follows

The problem, or decision needing to be made, is defined and named. It helps to do this in a way that separates the problems/questions from personalities.

Brainstorm possible solutions. Write them all down, even the crazy ones. Keep the energy up for quick, top-of-the head suggestions.

Create space for questions or clarification on the situation.

Discuss the options written down. Modify some, eliminate others, and develop a short list. Which are the favourites?

State the proposal or choice of proposals so that everybody is clear.

Discuss the pros and cons of each proposal — make sure everybody has a chance to contribute.

If there is a major objection, return to step 6 (this is the time-consuming bit). Sometimes you may need to return to step 4.

If there are no major objections, state the decisions and test for agreement.

Acknowledge minor objections and incorporate friendly amendments.

Discuss.

Check for consensus.

Seeds for Change mentions that when despite multiple attempts there is no consensus, the group as a whole can:

Allow the person most concerned to make the decision.

Leave the decision for later or take a break.

Ask everyone to argue convincingly the point of view they like the least.

Break down the decision into smaller areas. See which ones you can agree on and see what points of disagreement are left.

Identify the assumptions and beliefs underlying the issue. Get to the heart of the matter.

Imagine what will happen in six months, a year, five year’s time if you don’t agree. How important is the decision now?

Bring in a facilitator. If your group is unable to work through conflicts or if similar issues keep coming up, think about bringing in a professional facilitator or mediator who is trained in conflict-resolution techniques.

& when consensus can’t be found at all and a few people consistently disagree, those who disagree with the most popular option can choose:

Non-support: “I don’t see the need for this, but I’ll go along with it.”

Standing aside: “I personally can’t do this, but I won’t stop others from doing it.”

Veto/major objection: A single veto/major objection blocks the proposal from passing. If you have a major objection it means that you cannot live with the proposal if it passes. It is so objectionable to you/those you are representing that you will stop the proposal. A major objection isn’t an “I don’t really like it “ or “I liked the other idea better.” It is an “I cannot live with this proposal if it passes, and here is why?.!”. The group can either accept the veto or discuss the issue further and draw up new proposals. The veto is a powerful tool and should be used with caution.

Leaving the group: If one person continually finds him/herself at odds with the rest of the group, it may be time to think about the reasons for this. Is this really the right for them to group to be in? 

Consensus decision making is tricky and can be flawed. Conversation facilitators often hold more power than they’re willing to admit, talented public speakers can have more impact than those anxious about speaking in a group, long crowded meetings are not accessible to all, dogmatic cliques can sabotage the process by misusing the veto, etc. Measures need to be in place to counteract this, or true consensus becomes impossible.

It’s also important not to let consensus eclipse ‘autonomy’ or to nitpick every minor decision. The answer ‘what are we having for lunch?’ shouldn’t be a consensus process. It should be ‘whatever people want, & those who want the same thing can make lunch together’. Similarly, if the question is ‘do we want a new water filter in the community garden?’, you might wanna avoid long conversations and rephrase that question to ‘Are there enough people here willing to help me build a water filter in the garden and no one who objects to a new water filter?’. Let enthusiasm to do new things thrive.

This is doubly true in a situation like an occupation, blockade, autonomous zone under pressure, etc. Resistance requires flexibility and surprise, which can not come from consensus. A resistance movement that doesn’t allow its affinity groups to roam free and exploit opportunities won’t live long.

Your movement will die if you try to do everything by general assembly and limit the power of autonomy. In my opinion, one of the most common failures that I’ve seen in anarchist organizing in Europe has been to try to limit the autonomy of its affinity groups, try to do everything by large scale consensus meeting, and when that got too time-consuming and had authority issues, switch to more voting instead of more autonomy and better consensus processes.

Some reading:

Peter Gelderloos - Consensus:  A New Handbook for Grassroots Social, Political, and Environmental Groups. (print)

Seeds for change - Consensus Decision Making https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/seeds-for-change-consensus-decision-making

C.T. Butler and Amy Rothstein - On Conflict and Consensus: a handbook on Formal Consensus decisionmaking https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/c-t-butler-and-amy-rothstein-on-conflict-and-consensus-a-handbook-on-formal-consensus-decisionm#toc8

The Inefficient Utopia or How Consensus Will Change the World        https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/curious-george-brigade-the-inefficient-utopia-or-how-consensus-will-change-the-world        

[stanknotstark]

Wisdom Starts With a T (Loki x Reader)

SOOOO I’M SO EMBARRASSED THAT I FORGOT ABOUT THE GAUZE IN YOUR MOUTH AT THE END BUT I’M VERY THANKFUL @justfangirlthingies​ POINTED IT OUT AND I WAS GONNA FIX IT TOMORROW BUT I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO SLEEP B/C EMBARRASSED XDDDD

You’re still not quite sure how you ended up here. Here being your head in Loki’s lap in the middle of Central Park, your body laid across an uncomfortable bench. You sit up a bit and glare at Loki. 

“What did you do?” You ask the God. Noting that there is gauze sticking out of your mouth, making your speech sound slurred and muted. 

Loki looks at you unamused. 

“I follow your demands and even then I receive backlash.” Loki scoffs, “Typical.” 

“All you were supposed to do was drive me to my appointment and then bring me back to the tower.” You say looking around the park, “This isn’t the tower.” 

“An astute observation.” Loki drawls out, squinting at you. “Are you fine now?”

“What?” You ask. You can’t for the life of you remember anything that happened since before going under for your surgery. 

“Are you going to cry anymore, specifically, is what I want to know.” Loki asks almost unnerved. 

You close your eyes and rest your head back on Loki’s lap. You’re still a bit dizzy but clearly capable, “What did I do?” 

Loki doesn’t quite snort but it’s a close call, “I think you should be asking what did you not do.” 

So, Loki begins to tell you what exactly happened. 

“So all I need to do is drive you there, wait till they bring you to the car and they will tell me exactly what you need the next few days. Then, I bring you back to the tower and let you sleep off the anesthesia?” Loki asks to both you and Bruce. 

Bruce shrugs, pushes his glasses up his nose and nods. “Pretty much.” 

“Don’t let me tell you what to do, do your best to keep me in the car, when we get back to the tower lock me in my room.” You say making sure to keep eye contact with Loki. 

Loki gets a look on his face like he smelled something really bad. “And, pray tell, why must I be the one to do this tedious task again?” 

Bruce chuckles. “I’d take her but Fury requires all of us minus her and you. You’re also the only other person she trusts to take her and is here at the tower to help her.”

Loki glances at you but looks away, “Of course she picks me to trust.” He says shaking his head. “Fine. I’ll take her.” 

“Sweet!” You yelp with a fist pump. 

~~~

After the nurse had put you in the car (Tony lent you one of his) and told Loki the instructions on how to take care of you after getting your wisdom teeth out he locked the car doors and looked at you with curiosity. 

“Are you quite alright?” Loki asked as you looked around with amazement in your eyes. At his words your head snapped to him and you smiled goofy. 

“Ya. I’m peachy, splendid, marvelous, dandy!” You almost yelled in the confined space, Loki looking disgusted when a little spittle flew from your mouth. 

“Right.” The god said starting the car. 

As you rode back in silence you began mumbling. You had hoped anyone else could have taken you because you didn’t want Loki to see you so vulnerable and small but you didn’t have any friends close enough but that’s not to say you don’t trust Loki. You just felt how you behaved would reflect badly on you since he already considered midguardians weaklings. You honestly wanted the god to like you and even be friends. You wanted more than friends but as if that would happen.

“What?” Loki asked you.

“Huh?” You said innocently, looking over at the god with wide eyes. 

Loki stopped at a red light and truly looked at you. 

“Why are you staring at me?” You ask shyly, bringing a hand up to push the gauze back into your mouth before it fell out. 

Loki smirked, shook his head, and looked back to the road. 

After a bit of silence you tell Loki, “I have a crush on someone.” 

Loki raises a brow, glances at you, but does nothing more to implore. 

“It’s Loki, but don’t tell him, please!” You grab ahold of Loki’s arm and tug. 

Loki doesn’t even have time to react to what you said before you start bawling. 

“You’re gonna tell him and then he won’t like me!”

Loki struggles to take back his arm but when he does he then uses it to pull you into a awkward side hug and shush you.

“I shall not tell him, your secret is safe with me.” 

This gets you to calm down for five minutes. 

“Can we go to a toy store I want to look at legos. I used to play with legos when I was little, I would build spaceships and pretend I was the pilot.” You rub your eyes of tears and sniffle. “I miss being a kid.” 

“As I am sure, we all do.” Loki says under his breath. 

“So can we go?” You ask with wide, puppy eyes. Loki had pulled out of the hug and instead had his free hand resting on the prindle, that’s what you liked to call it. 

“No, I’m required to only take you back to the tower. Keep pressure on your gauze to stop the bleeding, please.” Loki said glancing at you as he drove. 

He mentally prepared himself when he saw your eyes starting to water.

“You don’t care about me, you never did!” You wail, fat tears dropping from your eyes, your hands furiously wiping at them as they fell. 

“Nonsense!” Loki says.

“If you really cared you’d take me to the park!” You yell at him. 

Loki takes in a deep breath, another, then when you take in a deep breath to yell at him some more he relents, “Fine! We’ll go to the park, now will you stop your incessant whining?” 

Immediately your tears stop and you’re smiling with a red nose and blotchy cheeks. “Ok!”

Loki rolls his eyes but he’s very impressed with your acting in such a state.

~~~

Loki rolls his eyes as you laugh at him from his lap. 

“Thanks, for caring so much.”

“I do not care, I simply wanted you to shut up.” Loki says with a scoff but you know better because he lets a hand come down and stroke your hair. 

You lay there for a bit more, picking at his casual clothes. “How long have I been sleeping?” You ask when you realize the sun that started on the east is now in the center of the sky.

“Approximately two hours, give or take a few minutes.” 

Taking in your surroundings you start to hear shutters going off like crazy. 

“And how long have the paparazzi been here?”

“Long enough.” Is all Loki says. 

You hum but look on the bright side of things. 

“Well you’ll get some good reports and they’ll probably start printing out stories about how we’ve been having a secret love affair going on.” 

You feel Loki hum more than hear it, his hand stops stroking your hair but doesn’t move from its position. 

“From what you said earlier I understand that you don’t mind that?” Loki asks. 

You shrug but when Loki pokes your face you look at him. His eyes are imploring, he wants to hear from you, sober you, that you want it. 

“Yes. I wouldn’t mind having a secret love affair with you.” 

Loki smirks and his hand goes back to stroking your hair. You practically purr at the affection and snuggle into his stomach. 

“Who does the paparazzi think you’re currently bedding?”

“Steve. They saw us hug at a gala event, away from prying eyes, and the stories spun out of control.” 

Loki chuckles then moves your body to where you’re sitting up and hugging him by his side. When you both look at each other Loki tries to fight a smile.

“I would say we could give them a show but...”

You frown and touch the gauze sticking out of your mouth. Before you can begin to pull it out, fuck it you think, Loki snickers and stops your hands.

“I’m honored you want a kiss that bad however I do not particularly like my kisses to taste of blood.”

You pout as best you can through your gauze but concede with Loki. 

“You better kiss me the minute I stop bleeding then.” You say poking Loki’s chest. He still has a smile on his face but grabs your poking hand and holds it.

“Deal, darling.”

IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE ORIGINAL ENDING WHERE I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THE GAUZE IT IS DOWN HERE

Loki shifts making you frown and sit up next to him then he brings an arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his side. When you look at him you see his eyes are focused on your lips causing you to open them slightly. In return Loki licks his lips. Loki then grabs your chin and finally looks into your eyes.

“Lets give them a story worth writing, shall we?” He asks in a low, deep voice.

You can’t speak so you nod your head and Loki smiles before bringing your lips to his.

[akatsuki-shin]

I... I don’t often call out anyone specifically using social media before, but... I saw this among the reblogs in my first post about MXTX novels English release announcement and I feel that this is just too much...

I’m not going to tag this with the fandom tags because this is literally just my personal rant, and I don’t want unpleasant things to appear when people are happily browsing the tags.

I also censored the person’s blog name. It’s not like I want people to mass attack them.

But I do have some things I want to say about this kind of mindset.

And this is gonna be a long post, so I’ll cut it with "Read More” later below as not to disturb anyone’s browsing experience.

Why do they have to split the books into multiple volumes?

First, you do realize that the original Chinese version and other languages versions are also in multiple volumes that don’t always be published on the same date, right?

SVSSS has 3 volumes, MDZS has 4 volumes, TGCF has 5 volumes.

With the English release, both SVSSS and MDZS get +1 volume while TGCF gets +3 volumes.

Why you ask?

Have you ever considered how long a single Chinese word would be if written in alphabets?

The word “人” in Chinese only needs 1 (one) character, while in English it would translate to “P E O P L E” = 5 (five) characters.

The word “知己” in Chinese only needs 2 (two) characters, while in English it would translate to “C O N F I D A N T E” = 10 characters, or “S O U L M A T E” = 8 characters.

Now apply this to an entire novel. FYI, TGCF has more than 1 million word count in Chinese, so you can do the math by yourself.

I mean, just go watch the donghua or live action in YouTube. One single sentence in the Chinese sub is often translated to two or more lines in the English subtitle.

And have I mentioned that the English release will have:

Glossary

Footnotes

Character Guides

And I’m going to repeat this once again: In China and other countries that already get their official releases, it is also NOT always all released on the same date as a single set/box.

So yes, (not) surprise! For the Chinese release and official releases in other countries, you also often need to purchase multiple times, pay shipping fee multiple times, and wait for certain period of times until all volumes are released.

It doesn’t only happen to MXTX novels, it happens to almost all novels, be it danmei or not.

Why don’t they just wait for translations to finish and release it all at the same time/as a box set? Why the span of two years?

On my part, I already say above that in China and other countries that already get their official release, it’s also not always published all on the same date.

Other than that, I’m not an expert at book publishing, much less when the publisher is not from my own country. But maybe consider the following:

They’re releasing 3 (three) hugely popular IPs all at the same time. Maybe the preparations take more time and effort to ensure everything is flawless?

Since it is very rare (or maybe never, cmiiw) for danmei novels to be published in English, maybe the publisher is testing the market first? Because if they already release them as a huge bundle from the start and it somehow flops, the loss would be very big. If it works well, then good! Maybe for future danmei release, they will consider making a box set or releasing them within shorter timeframe. 

In terms of marketing, if they wait another 2 years to release it all at once, will the momentum still be there? You can say “so in the end it’s all about money”, but if not sales number and money, what else should the publisher expect to receive for their work? They’re already putting a lot of effort buying all three IPs from the Chinese publishers, proofread or even translate some from scratch, pay translators, editors, illustrators, printing companies, etc. If it’s not selling well simply because they release it at the wrong time, aren’t all these efforts going to be wasted? And you can bet there will be no more danmei published in English if their first try already flops merely because of losing the momentum.

Are there any other rules or regulations they need to comply that prevents them from releasing everything in one go? But once again, even in China and other countries, it is also not always all released in one go, so this argument is already invalid from the start.

But they make it so expensive like this!

I’m sorry to break it to you, but I’ve compared the prices to MDZS Japanese release + TGCF Thai release and... The price isn’t really that much different.

Btw, I’m using Google’s currency converter, in case anyone wants to know where does my calculation comes from.

Okay, so here’s MDZS Japanese version from CD Japan:

One volume of MDZS Regular ver. cost 1760 yen. This is 15,96 USD before shipping. There’s only like $4 difference.

There’s also the Exclusive ver. that cost 3660 yen (32,92 USD) but we’re not gonna talk about that because they’re basically making you pay for the bonus, which is some acrylic panels and illustration cards.

Now here’s TGCF Thai version from Sense Book:

Translation using Google Chrome page translate:

One volume of TGCF costs 360 baht. This is 10.77 USD before shipping. So there’s about $9.22 difference.

Again, notice the difference of word/sentence length in the Thai words and English alphabet.

"But there’s still difference in price and other releases usually gets merchandise!” - Correct me if I’m wrong, but the US is probably one of the most expensive countries in the world. Do you think the materials, printings, and manpower cost is the same with other countries? Especially compared to one in Southeast Asia.

“But it’s xxxx times more expensive than the original Chinese version!” - Excuse me, the original Chinese version doesn’t need to pay for translators, proofreaders and editors with multilingual skills, and purchase the IPs? If you think it’s more worth buying the Chinese version, then by all means go ahead.

------------

Some last words...

I’m not looking down on those in difficult financial situation, but hey, I’m not filthy rich either? I come from a third world country and even if I’m a working adult, I’m still in working middle class + I got my parents to take care of. My country’s currency is literally just a tiny 0.000069 USD per 1 Indonesian Rupiah.

Every single fandom merchandise that you see me bought, either I’ve saved up for that or I sacrificed other things to buy that. I just don’t show the struggle to you guys because why should I? I’m just here to have fun about the fandom I love, not to flex my struggling financial condition.

These official English release of MXTX novels? All 17 books are going to cost me almost HALF of my monthly salary. But hey, I think it’s a good thing that they didn’t release it all at once, so that I can save up between months to purchase them all and plan my spending better.

If you feel the price is expensive, especially if you have to ship from outside North America, consider the following:

Book Depository provide free worldwide shipping

The books’ ISBN numbers are all available in the publisher’s website, just show it to you local bookstore and ask if they can order it for you

Plus, there are already hundreds of generous fans doing free giveaways in Twitter, even the publishers are helping to signal boost this. You can go and try your luck if you’re really desperate.

Lastly, I know how much love we all have for our favorite fandoms, but remember that fandom merchandise is NOT your primary needs.

You are NOT obliged to purchase any fandom merchandise if you can’t afford it and you should ALWAYS prioritize your primary needs.

Also, if you still want to read the fan-translations that are still available, alright go ahead. But remember that the translators themselves already said fan translations in English are now illegal. You can read it. We all consume pirated contents at one point. But don’t flex about it and diss the official release just because you can’t afford it.

I don’t know if the person who made that reblog tags are going to come at me or not, but even if they do, I literally don’t care. I’m not gonna waste my time arguing with someone with that kind of mindset and will block them right on the spot.

Also Idgaf if they call me out or talk behind my back, I literally don’t know them, so I don’t care.

End of rant.

[amyscascadingtabs]

don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you [chapter 2]

CHAPTER TWO: see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night

excerpt below, read whole thing on ao3

Amy doesn't return to the office until after she's spent a good hour at home. First, she showers, washing off yesterday's old makeup and grime and letting the warm water run over her shoulders as she lets the sweet scent of raspberry shower gel replace the vague smell of old beer and sweat. Her back is sore; probably thanks to Jake's lumpy mattress, she thinks, and wonders for a second if she should add buy new mattress to the contract before deciding it’s far too much. That's relationship stuff, and that's point one of the contract; that's not what this is.

She blow-dries her hair and replaces her makeup, taking extra care to try and cover a pink mark that sits just a little too high on her chest before giving up and picking a different shirt instead. Then she fills the biggest coffee cup she has, eats a buttered slice of toast standing up, and feeds her pet fish before rushing back out the door.

She probably looks fresher than most days once she's done, but she's still worried Gina can sense something from her secretary desk as Amy walks in. She raises a brow in greeting like she's actually interested, which is rare in itself, and Amy can feel her eyes on her as she walks into her own office and closes the door behind her.

Amy starts regretting her decision as soon as she's opened a new document. What is she even supposed to name it? Friends with benefits contract is too obvious. FWB-C sounds like code for something. Sex agreement makes her sound like someone who’s read Fifty Shades Of Grey too many times (which really is just once). Jake and Amy is a wedding invitation, Rules too general. She puts her head in her hands, staring at the blinking line, and groans. Then she writes in Jake, looks at that for a moment, and adds stuff after. Not her proudest, but it'll have to do.

Amy’s relieved she doesn't have much work to do today, because she spends every free minute she can come across tweaking details on the document, adding and removing sections to suggest. When she's finally happy with the result, she saves it in a personal folder she can be sure no one’s ever going to open, and praises the office-gods for the fact that she has her own printer.

~

There’s a faint smell of artificial lemon in the air of Jake’s apartment as he welcomes her in, and the thought that he might have cleaned for her makes Amy blush. It seems unlike him, but the living room area does appear less cluttered to her than it did this morning, so maybe he isn’t totally incapable of it. She still doesn’t want to check his cabinets.

“You cleaned,” she says instead, nodding to the couch that looks almost neat now. “You expecting to get lucky tonight, or something?” Jake’s cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink, but then he shakes his head and points to her outfit. “You’re one to speak.”

All Amy’s done is put on a maroon floral blouse with lower cleavage than she’d ever do for work and put on a touch of pink lipstick, but he’s not completely wrong. She still chooses to ignore him. “I’ve got the contract. Should we do this, then?”

He offers her an orange soda, which she declines, but accepts a mug of Earl Grey tea from a package that seems to have remained unopened since before the brand last changed its design. A hot drink might calm her nerves, she hopes, but it ends up being quite the distracting experience to watch him make it for her. She tries to read through the contract one last time while searching for spelling errors she knows aren't there, her eyes keep being drawn to his hands as he holds the label of the teabag between his thumb and index finger, bobbing the bag a few times with focus once he's finished pouring the water into a New York Knicks mug. It's hard not to think about how those fingers felt dancing across her skin yesterday, massaging the sides of her breasts and holding on to her inner thighs, and it's harder not to imagine what they'd feel like another time –

“Tea,” he interrupts her thoughts by placing the mug in front of her. “Thought maybe you wanted a cup that didn’t say NYPD on it.”

“Well, you're right in that.” She brings it to her lips, almost burning her tongue and hoping he didn't see. “You want to read it on your own, or should I read it to you?”

Jake sits back in the massage chair closest to her, spreading his legs and putting his palms on them before shooting her that disarming smile again. “You read it.”

Amy swallows hard. “Okay. Section one: relationship status. This arrangement only works if we're both single. We’re not bringing more people into this.”

“What about an open relationship?”

“No. Still complicated. This is complicated enough with just us. If either of us gets in an actual relationship, it's over.”

Jake nods. “Cool. Next rule?”

“Section two: appropriate behavior. We're not dating,” she says, pointing first at herself and then at him with the ballpoint pen she brought from work. “So we can't behave like we're dating. Outside of our apartments, we're strictly friends. Or acquaintances. Honestly, it's weird we're even friends.”

“But you admitted we're friends.”

“Sure.” She takes another sip of the tea. “But that means no public flirting, no inappropriate comments, no like, commenting heart or fire emojis on Instagram pictures –”

“Are these rules for you or for me?” Jake winks. “I know my selfies are stunning, but I’m sure you can control yourself.”

“For both of us. Section three: we part in the morning. No exceptions. Staying overnight is okay, but once we wake up, we’re done.”

“What counts as morning in this scenario? I’m not going to have to get up at six a.m., am I?”

“Not unless you stay at my place when I have work.”

“I’ll remember not to do that, then.”

“Great. Section four – protection.”

“You have an entire section on that?” Jake looks like he’s trying not to laugh.

“It’s important!” She exclaims, feeling herself getting defensive. “I have an implant, so we’re safe from pregnancy, but it’s either condoms or you need to get checked.”

Jake nearly spits out some of his orange soda, coughing slightly. “You must be fun at parties.”

“I’m actually a nationally accredited and registered chaperone.”

“What is that?”

“Doesn’t matter. Are you going to do it or not?”

“Fine. You, then?”

“I will if you want me to.” Amy shrugs. “But I haven’t slept with anyone since my ex, so we should be good.”

Jake’s eyebrows fly up. “Really?”

“That so surprising to you?”

“A little? In the least jerk-ish way possible, you must get, well… offers.”

“People don’t flirt a whole lot with their lawyers,” she says, shifting in her chair and crossing her legs. “And it hasn’t been my focus. Are we good with the contract?”

“Actually, I want to add one more rule.”

“Yeah?”

Jake leans back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head and flexing his biceps through the green shirt with a smug grin. “You’re not allowed to fall in love with me.”

Amy looks at him for a moment, trying to determine whether or not he’s joking, but he doesn’t waver, so she leans forward and draws a fifth section sign on the blank space left on the document. No developing feelings or this ends, she prints out in capital letters, signing her name on the allotted line.

“Won’t be a problem.”

Jake signs the contract, and Amy tries not to grimace at how messy his signature is as she places the document in a thin plastic folder, promising him a copy tomorrow.

“Cool,” Jake nods. He’s messing up his curls with his right hand again, the way she’s noticed he does when he’s trying to flirt. She wonders if it’s strategy or nerves. “So, are you doing anything else tonight, or...”

“What, contract signing’s got you all hot and bothered?”

“I mean, seeing you in full lawyer mode. It’s not, not hot.”

“Double negation?” Amy scrunches her nose. “Oh, you’re going to have to make that one up to me.”

“Maybe I will,” he says, and she needs only to notice the way his eyes darken to know that it’s on.

Amy can feel her legs still shaking a little as she hails a cab outside Jake's apartment just after, and she closes her eyes in the backseat and wonders how it's possible to feel this amazing, this satisfied from a cocktail of what she knows is mostly dopamine and oxytocin. It still makes her feel all giggly, like she can't stop smiling to herself.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, and she picks it up to read a text from Jake.

Fucking hell that was SO GOOD.

Maybe this friends with benefits thing won't be so bad after all.

~

[abarbaricyalp]

Sambucky, sharing clothes? Bucky stealing Sam's airforce shirts?

Friend, Bucky in air force shirts is my favorite image

TW: Vomiting and Illness in section V

This is a 5+1 and I'm only posting section I here because I don't want to clog up anyone's dash. You can read the full fic on AO3 here

The Truths Beneath Our Ribs

I.

Coming back to the VA after the Potomac--triskelions?-- was weird. Part of him was expecting his boss to bar him from the premises and part of him was expecting his groups to shy away from him and his minor newfound celebrity. But, after two sessions, none of that had happened. He was still just a guy cleaning up a room on his own.

Until he wasn’t. He’d heard the door open and had called over his shoulder, “What’s up?” and finished tossing paper cups into the trash before turning around. Someone he couldn’t immediately recognize in a hoodie was grabbing armfuls of metal chairs and racking them up on the rods on the wall.

Sam leaned back against the refreshments table. “You need someone to talk to?” he suggested. “Can’t just take the free labor, y’know,” he joked.

The figure ran gloved hands over the edges of the suspended chairs and then slowly reached up to slip the hood off. Really, the hair should’ve given it away, but Sam’s brain wasn’t even close to that train of thought, so he didn’t recognize the Winter Soldier until he turned around.

If the table was any sturdier, Sam might’ve flipped over it. As it was, he stumbled back into it as he scrambled to right himself. By design, there was nothing that could be used as a weapon in the room--except maybe the chairs, of which there was a super soldier between Sam and them. Sam had forfeit his pocket knife at the door and he wasn’t sure there’d be anyone to hear him call out during this lunch hour.

The Winter Soldier--Barnes--looked pained and he took a step back. “I’m not… I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, voice rasping and damaged. Sam couldn’t help but wonder if it was from disuse or the shouting match he’d gotten into with Steve.

Or breathing in Potomac River water rescuing Steve.

Because it had to have been Barnes that dived in after him, right? Pulled him onto the bank and left him to cough and sputter his way back to life? There’d been no one else there.

It’d been almost two weeks.

Barnes looked clean enough, all things considered. Hair washed, new clothes--even if they didn’t fit quite right--a beard coming in along his jaw.

“Why Air Force?” Sam asked, nodding at the hoodie Barnes was wearing. It was as much of a truce that Sam was willing to offer.

Clearly it took the other man by surprise and he took another step back, looking down at the jacket like it was the first time he was seeing it. Which, maybe brain torture did that to short term memory. “Oh. Um,” he began and smoothed a thumb over the hem of the shirt.

Which was about the same time Sam noticed a grease stain at the shoulder and a hole in the bottom of the front pocket and the way the screen printing had peeled off on the bottom corner of the C.

“Is that my hoodie?” he asked, indignant, suddenly uncaring that it was the Winter Soldier in front of him. “Were you in my house? Are those my jeans?”

Barnes smoothed his hands over his thighs. “Your jeans wouldn’t fit me,” he said, which almost sounded like a personality. “I took them out of… Steve Rogers’ bag. You should put a lock on your sliding door.”

Sam could strangle him.

“What the hell were you doing in my house?” he asked.

Barnes looked down again, scuffed a boot against the tile, tugged at the hoodie. “I was looking for you,” he finally admitted. “I’ve...learned a lot. And I know there’s still so much ahead of me. I’m trying to...get my head on right. I--”

“You should be talking to Steve. I don’t have any answers for you.”

Barnes’ face screwed to one side, not quite a snarl, not quite a frown, something indecisive and confused, like the man in front of him. “I don’t want answers. I want to...figure it out on my own. I want them to be my thoughts.”

Sam wondered how long it had been since Barnes had been allowed that.

“I just needed to...see you. Well, not you. But if you’re okay, I know that the… that Steve Rogers is okay. I know you were helping him at the hospital and afterwards. If you left him alone, let him leave the house, he must have recovered.”

“You should go talk to him,” Sam said again. And wasn’t that a change? Sam had thought he’d never want the Winter Soldier near Steve again. Clearly Steve’s head wasn’t screwed on right around the guy. But the man standing in front of him was not the Winter Soldier. Not in any way that mattered. Not so far anyway. This seemed much more like the man Steve was so sure existed under the mask and eye makeup. And, dammit, Sam wanted to help him.

“No. Not yet,” Barnes said. “I’m not going to tell you not to tell him because I know what I say doesn’t matter to you. I mean, hell, you argue about what avocados to buy in a crate full of identicals. You’ve got opinions that you stick to.” And there was that personality again, which Sam was already getting irritated with. “But can you give me enough time to put your hoodie back and get a ticket out of here?”

“Where are you gonna go, Barnes? You think the Winter Soldier is only wanted in America?”

Barnes’ eyes lit at his name but Sam wasn’t sure the man even realized it. “I know I’m not, but I’m good at lying low. I can make it work. Somewhere quiet.”

“Steve isn’t gonna stop looking for you,” Sam said.

“He will,” Barnes answered. “Something else will attack the world and he’ll have no choice. He’s still gotta play Captain America.”

Sam thought back to history lessons about abandoned USO tours and the sight of the shield falling from the Triskelion as he heard Steve say ‘I’m not gonna fight you’ over the comms. He was pretty certain the one thing that always ensured Steve didn’t play Captain America was the man standing in front of him.

“I’m not leading him astray for you,” he said finally. “But I won’t tell him I saw you unless he asks. Not at first.”

Barnes looked up at him, all wide eyed and surprised, and the name Bucky suddenly fit a lot better. “Thank you,” he said, took a step forward, thought better of it, and then stepped towards the door. “I’ll be gone by nightfall.”

“I don’t know what Steve’s doing,” Sam warned. “He could be back at the house by the time you get there.”

“Maybe I’ll just leave your hoodie in the bushes outside,” Barnes threatened. Sam glared at him. Barnes stared right back. “I know to check for people inside before I barge in.”

“I don’t know what goes on in that cyborg brain of yours,” Sam scoffed.

“More than goes on in yours,” Barnes answered. Sam was about to kick up the biggest fuss when he realized the corner of Barnes’ mouth had turned up just enough to dimple his cheek.

“Get out of here before I change my mind,” Sam said, waving a hand to the door, which was about the first time he realized he wasn’t shaking or even flushed. The fear of the Winter Soldier had dissipated almost as instantly as it had washed over him.

Barnes paused in the door like he was about to say something but a woman from one of Sam’s other groups walked in right then. She gave Barnes an appreciative once over as they passed.

“He’s cute,” she said pointedly.

“Ugh, as if,” Sam said. “What’s up?” And because he was a damn professional, he didn’t let his eyes slip back to the door to see if Barnes was sticking around.