#free to DM my changes not to much love that you can't afford it

[teenagekittenpenguin]

[amysubmits]

Hi Amy! I just found your blog and really wanted to talk to you if you've got time but I got nervous so here's an anon. So I'm in my very early twenties and in the last few years have been really interested and taken by the idea of d/s dynamics. I don't have a boyfriend and am not really comfortable signing up to any sites so that's not really the issue. But as I'm going on dates and stuff I do find myself looking for that character that would resemble a dominant guy. I didn't realize it but I am attracted to that energy. What I'm concerned about though is the reason...for that attraction. So I'm in drama school but we can't really afford it so I have 2 part time jobs rn. One is this modeling agency that sometimes gets me by. It doest do much in my country but once a month a few hundred if im lucky, do come in handy. The issue is that the people I'm around and the environment is very toxic. Not just in a photoshoot but mainly. I've had to shut my mouth and smile and "submit" to guys just to remain part of the project. I don't feel comfortable doing more provocative stuff so that's been an issue and my manager keeps pressuring me about it at every opportunity. The relationship w him is weird he's a nice guy in general but sometimes he's too pushy. I also had a bf in the past (the only one) we were together briefly but he ordered me around a lot, and we never talked ab any of this but he was very strict with what I wore ect. What I'm trying to say is, I've had very traumatic experiences w all these people and am really worried whether the dynamic between us pushed me to want it? Like if my desires are somehow influenced by my trauma? Have you had similar concerns? How did you realize this is what you wanted and that it is not a response to something? I hope you're comfortable answering, but if not thank you for what you're doing your page has been really informative and I've learnt a lot xxxxx

Hi there!

I would be happy for you to message me if you decide you feel comfortable at any point, but anons are okay too! It's a big part of why I leave them on, for people who feel comfortable sending asks but not asking questions or whatever on DM. :)

This worry you're sharing about wondering if your desire to be a sub or be submissive comes from your trauma is something that I think a ton of subs have considered or worried about at some point. You'll definitely get a different answer to these questions if you ask other people. In my view, this is one of those areas where the 'right' answer can vary from person to person. So, this is just my take of course.

I am trying to avoid writing an extremely long post, so if you want or need me to elaborate feel free to follow up. But in a nutshell...I think most people have "little t trauma" from childhood that caused them to adapt to try to find connection and feel safe (physically or emotionally) and loved from a SUPER young age, to the point where it's challenging to know what it even would mean for a lot of us to say X is me, but Y is my trauma. Like 50% of the population has an insecure attachment style, and that primarily develops in the first year of our lives. So then we're still babies but we're already trying to change our own behavior to feel connected to our mother or our primary care giver. When that's the case...I think it's really, really tough to know who or what you would have been without the trauma as it's baked into your personality and coping methods SO early that we can't remember anything else. And so...I guess my goal has been to try to do a combination of accepting myself while also looking as honestly as I can at who/how I am now and look to change anything that I want to change or think needs improved. And with that in mind...I couldn't begin to tell you if I'd be a sub sexually or personality wise if I didn't have trauma. I just think that's an impossible question to try to figure out. Instead, I try to look at whether what I crave is healthy. If what I want to do is healthy for me, then it's okay if it IS based in trauma. I mean, plenty of things can be caused by trauma but still be really good things. For example, I feel pretty confident that the reason I seek healthy, safe feeling communication with my partner is because I grew up with lots of yelling and conflict and meanness. But I think that desire to have healthy, loving, safe communication is a good thing so I don't feel the need to reject that desire I have, as it's good, regardless of the cause being 'negative' or sad. I've come to the conclusion that D/s and BDSM can be healthy things for me. That isn't to say that I think I could do anything I wanted and call it D/s or BDSM and have it be healthy. But I think that a lot of what I desire sexually and within my relationship is healthy, and I embrace those things. And when I find myself craving something that is less healthy, I try to avoid embracing those ideas, or avoid acting out those fantasies, or resist those behaviors. For me, one thing I have to fight against is the instinct to be extremely passive. Passive feels safe to me because of my trauma, and I can sometimes incorrectly convince myself that I am being a good sub by being passive. That isn't always true, so I have to really keep an eye on any passivity and make sure that I am truly submitting from a place of desire and choice, and not from a place of it 'feeling good' because my brain is telling me that inactivity to appease others is safe and familiar. We try to regularly re-look at the things we do and ask ourselves again if all the details of how we're managing our D/s and BDSM are healthy for both of us. We try to ask if we're reinforcing healthy ideas or unhealthy ideas. Sometimes it changes over time and we have to adjust.

With you being new and young, I'd also suggest that you try to be extremely careful with what you learn about D/s and BDSM, and triple check that it's healthy. Some people will claim that literally anything done in the name of kink is healthy as long as it's consensual. I think that is a really wild viewpoint, personally. I think consent is really the absolute bare minimum, but a lot of people will consent to things that are harmful to them emotionally, and I think that is unhealthy. Of course, what is unhealthy is extremely opinion based, and I think it also can vary a lot from person to person...something could be unhealthy for me to consent to but perfectly healthy for you to consent to if we have different life experiences, different traumas, etc. At a really basic level I'd suggest looking really closely at whether D/s and BDSM make you feel good in terms of things like...confident, loved, empowered, authentic, loved, safe, secure, etc - or if it feels outright bad, or 'good' but only in the sense that feeling bad feels somewhat good to you (this is true for some with trauma), or if it makes you feel small, inferior, used, scared, insecure, etc. And then also if/when you get into a D/s relationship look at whether the things you try seem to be inspiring positive changes and growth, or negative patterns. Maybe at first you happily agree to let your dom decide whether or when to cut your hair, but over time you realize that you feel less 'yourself' when you can't control your own hairstyle fully. If that becomes the case, then in my opinion, it would be healthier to go back to deciding your own hair.

Sorry this is so long. I hope it's helpful in some way. Good luck to you, please continue to look out for yourself! It can be a scary world out there for young subs. It sounds like you're doing a good job of trying to look out for yourself though...even in wanting to figure out what your answer to the questions you sent in this ask are. So, good work. :)

[adambja]

this is sort of long and i hope you know i mean well but i think i had to say this as a follower

i find it really frustrating you being so negative (by calling out drama on your page all the time, you post about your tapes with the hashtag void success and with that, your other asks too, all i see is your posts on the void success tag so there’s absolutely no useful info for me to grasp bc i follow you, i already keep up with your posts and don’t need to see it under the void success tag

so it would be helpful if you could stop using void success tag for posts that has nothing to do with “void success”

another thing

if you will stop talking about the hate, believe it or not, they will move on. The noise will die down, they are not obsessed with you to keep talking about you all day and night. If you can remove yourself from the situation (look at it through bird’s eye view)

you’ll actually see how that blog has let no wrong doings slide in the community ever since they got active.

Rosie left bc she kept lying to our faces all the time. Fleur who i genuinely think was a kind person also had some sort of talk going on, on that page but do you think she continued to talk about it over and over again on her page? no. She continued to help people, continued to get success stories on her page (which you are too, congrats on that)

Charm too cleared the air ONCE, when she was involved in drama, she moved on to do the same thing like fleur

charm had spoken up against unique and she left too (moonlight page didn’t exist then)

so you need to see that speaking up against wrong is important. That’s why they do what they do.

Why they talk about you even when you know you’re not doing anything wrong and only want to help:

People can’t afford your tapes and no one wants to shell out money when there are ample of resources out for free

Examples: pink purchased a custom void sub TWICE for us, with nothing to gain.

junfairykyu purchased a custom void sub and shared it with everyone, with nothing to gain.

konnie made a void sub with really good benefits for free (someone entered the void with it too)

i get that you also come across people who ask for too much, that are plain rude but to continue addressing them on your blog (yeah, tiring) we get that you had to deal w some terrible people but address it once and move on? why mention it in every other post.

(cause not everyone is greedy asking for more and more things from you, some simply follow you for advice, your personal experiences with the law and so on and so forth)

also;

you somewhat sound arrogant when you speak with so much confidence, (some (not i) might use the word cocky too) and of course i’m not asking you to do anything about it,

i am just letting you know as someone who’s also into psychology. (perceptions differ, you don’t have to agree (and i don’t mean to offend)

I know it’s up to you, your page, your rules but

as a follower i only say this cause i want to continue following you but if you keep talking about drama and how everyone is “greedy” then i guess i shouldn’t be here.

So if you wish to continue with your old patterns; let me know. Please don’t block me. I’ll unfollow.

Basically you should've came to my DMs

I love how you told me all this

The tag

it's connected to my blog I just can't change because of the posts I post here about the void

All these examples

I actually love these thank you for sharing these

But 😭😭 you don't understand what is happening people are lying to themselves about my tapes and coaching and I am just being dramatic

There's something about these patterns you are talking about - they aren't forced on me BUT I AM THE ONE CHOOSING THEM - because the first drama got me helping a lot of people and I am really glad it happened 💀💀!!

And I have been talking to myself about choosing something else like comfort aka just constant ignoring

Because it's literally marketing people are buying more tapes and coaching and I love coaching people that's why

I am free rn I won't be having that much time like rn on Christmas 😭!!

Also about the free tapes

Honey 😭!!!!!

It's available thru me via request thru my DMs

You can come and get it for free and I will never share it publicly

I won't block you - you aren't rude - you are just talking and I want this here (just talking) I really respect that - I am feeling good cause finally someone who got a brain is actually talking - NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE YOU

And actually I would love to know who is behind this anon mode 🫶🏻!

I am actually thinking about changing many things here so yeah I won't block you and if you wanna follow or unfollow it's okay - I am sure you will like my blog in the next few days - I've been preparing a lot posts during all that drama and they are already scheduled 😭😭😭!!!

And at the end I wanna say "greedy" isn't about everyone I never specified if it's about someone or everyone!

BUT AGAIN THERE ARE NO GREEDY PEOPLE THEY ALL ARE BLOCKED and like

People who are asking for the free tapes aren't greedy at all 😭😭😭!!! They are fine af - most of them are so nice!

Me being "arrogant" it's because I was just dramatic

And about the confidence yes I am so confident it should empower you not make you feel bad - also the why? It's because I know what I am doing + I know why am I here! So ofc I am confident about every single step I take here!

AGAIN I really respect how long you typed this and I appreciate you being so honest with me 😭

I PROMISE I WILL NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT ANY HATE ANYMORE ALSO THE OTHER POSTS ABOUT HATE AND GREEDY PEOPLE WILL BE DELETED 💀! DON'T WORRY ABOUT THIS

[abysscronica]

I hope it's ok to ask, I noticed you don't interact with many blogs or fandom discourse in general. Is there a reason?

Okay, I've received a couple of asks and DMs more or less revolving around this topic, so I'm going to address it here.

My blog's main goal is to interact with my existing readers, since all my stories are on AO3 and Wattpad (I've only posted a couple here). I use it to answer your questions on my writings, the characters, and whatever you guys want to ask me, and I love it. Of course I'm happy if I get some more readers from Tumblr, but that's not my primary aim here, at least for now.

It would be great to use this page to expand my followers, but I barely have time to actually write these days, so unfortunately, at the moment, I can't afford to spend any to curate this space... except for answering your asks. (on this regard, I know I'm months late for some, please don't lose hope, everything is there and will be worked on eventually!)

That said, even if I do get time to dedicate to my tumblr at some point, it'll probably be ordering my posts and posting my other stories, not much more. Before I go into more details on my thoughts on fandom discourse and fics/headcanons, let me repeat the usual disclaimer...

The ones below represent my very personal views. They are not right or wrong, and it absolutely does not mean I disapprove of different views. I encourage you all to enjoy the fandom experience and community in the way you see fit, as long as it's not damaging you or anyone else.

Fandom discourse. I... simply don't really care about it. I'm talking mainly about One Piece, but this can apply to any content I enjoy. Here's how my experience goes: I read the manga, the SBS, watch the anime, consume basically any content available. I follow a couple of OP youtubers talking about every little thing, from chapter reviews to any kind of news (Tekking101 and Sawyer7mage). Then I write fanfictions based on all the knowledge accumulated, of course expanding into my personal headcanons. This pretty much satiates my thirst for content and need for sources.

Obviously I enjoy talking about OP with other fans, especially like-minded ones such as Kid Pirates fans. Buuuut being an active part of the community can also be exhausting. I'm sure you know there's a lot of Kid dissing going on for example, and Kid fans are often caught in battles to defend him. I honestly don't want to take part into it, because I don't think other people's feelings about a character should influence my experience of the show anyway, so I don't care about changing their mind either. I just... wanna do my own thing and share it with my mutuals & readers.

Analyses, meta, theories. Honestly, the two OP youtubers I follow (plus Arthur's posts on Twitter) fulfill this need in a very comprehensive way. I've yet to see a single tumblr post that comes even close to their insights (but if you know some, feel free to point me in that direction, I'll be happy to check them out). They often even contain inaccurate information. I do reblog whatever I deem interesting though, and I'll gladly answer to anything if you wanna know about my thoughts.

Fics & headcanons. Once again, I'll always be super happy to share my content with you guys. I cannot accept fic requests but feel free to ask for any headcanon you may be interested in!

As for other people's stuff. I said this before, unfortunately I'm a terribly picky reader (this does not only apply to fics, but to literature in general). The slightest hint of "unjustified" OC, a Mary Sue trait on a MC, too many cliches, a writing style that does not catch me... I'll scroll ahead. I know many will roll their eyes at this, and they are right, but I just won't impose something I don't fully enjoy to myself, not with my limited spare time. But writers should write whatever they want and I'll never be unsupportive of that, even if it's not my jazz! The stuff I read and enjoyed, I reblog.

This should be all I have to say on the matter. If you have any further question, feel free to send and ask.

[ivesambrose]

Happy New year my loves 🌹

Pick a gif that you can vividly visualize yourself in

I have kept these short and sweet this time, leaving you room to write your own story for the year as I give you the keywords.

I'll be posting more pick a cards and making more posts soon 💕

For a personalized reading you can DM or Email me at jovescorpioreadings@gmail.com

1. Themes

You've endured growing pains last year, almost reaching something but not finding any rest.

You've evolved a lot and perhaps that came at the cost of a hardened heart too.

This year brings you expansion, exploration and luck.

You've gotten braver so fortune has decided to favour you or you've simply decided to make fortune bend to your favour.

Messages

- Finding comfort in a new house and environment.

- Creative expression (something you've always wanted to do but made several excuses and averted from it)

- Aesthetic and style change, wearing what you've wanted to wear but earlier didn't allow yourself to

- Family heirlooms

- Learning a new subject or further education

- An end to fogginess / lack of clarity

- Recognition overseas or likely a trip overseas

- For some of you, I also see an end to loneliness, there's a world ahead waiting for you. You don't have to look back anymore.

2. Themes

A period of rest before you restructure your life. You've been contemplating, planning and perhaps meditating for quite some time now. Maybe a little detached too but that's giving you the energy and insight you'd be needing before springing into action.

You're about to commit to succeeding in a venture that will make use of your wits and transferable skills.

This year brings you the desire to compete, build strength and take action.

Messages

- Catch that flight and take that trip (safety first)

- You'll earn enough to be generous to the ones you love this year

- Stay curious and inquisitive without overwhelming yourself (especially if you're virgo or Gemini ruled)

- The simplest of instances and things can end up leading to a prosperous opportunity

- Congratulations on manifesting your new love

- You'll have a lovely list of accomplishments by the end of this year, you're actually about to celebrate with a satisfied grin on your face.

3. Themes

Taking your pain, sorrow, fears and mix them into a palette and make art. Finding peace within yourself and a creative outlet as well. Happiness will find you eventually. But you can't sit with your grief and losses for long.

Maybe you feel guilty about something too and perhaps you should make amends.

But be sure to seek out peace even if it means taking up an adventure you thought you'd never take.

Messages

- risk taking, seeking, learning. See the world through the lens of your inner child. They deserve to go out and play. You owe yourself that much more than anything.

- There's an easier to be and it doesn't have to be going tooth and nail at it.

- Recognizing already present talents and gifts that you've been ignoring.

- Receiving love and admiration. Let yourself be charmed.

- Maybe what you're truly seeking indeed is elsewhere and that's alright. Time that you seize it. Stop making excuses.

4. Themes

You've done your soul searching or likeky entering the year quietly before you secretly take the leap of faith and break free.

There's a sense of freedom and rising from the ashes. Becoming a version of you that was a long time coming but it's coming eitherway at the perfect time. The world is about to witness someone unyielding and powerful. Whether they are ready or not, it's their problem.

Soulmates and romance is a significant theme too.

Messages

- Ethusiasm with what's ahead, optimism, travel, breakthroughs and innovation.

- Foreign cultures (learning, travel, friends or possible relocation)

- Affording the luxuries you couldn't before. Increase in assets. Financial education and proper implementation.

- The right kind of company and companions

- Feeling desirable and being desired

- Seeing your vivid imaginations manifest. Happy manifesting!

- Intuitions might run high be sure to look after your health plus establish certain boundaries as well.

[vivelegalite]

im having what may be the worst week in my whole 20 years on this earth, so here's a few byler thoughts i commented on someone's post and thought deserved their own post!!! if i got some things wrong, sorry im extremely mentally drained and my wifi literally stopped working halfway through this <3 feel free to correct me or join me in my delusion in the comments/tags/asks/dms though!!!! i need a distraction desperately so don't hesitate to interact!!!!

without further ado, here it is:

why the "i told you, joyce has this telemarketer job. mike won't stop whining about it" line is definitely about will, as evidenced by literally what the show tells us.

it's not exactly clear when watching season 3 what el's status is with the us govt following its finale. she's searched for throughout seasons 1, 2 and 3, but it's clear she was discovered following her role in fighting the spider monster and stopping the soviets. it's assumed some sort of deal is made following the battle of starcourt, allowing el to live as a normal teenager after the byers family relocates to california — dr. owens is said to help them settle in lenora, in a house they most likely wouldn't be able to afford without help.

i've seen points made for both will and el being primary reasons for the byers family leaving. will, obviously traumatised by the upside down and thus the whole town of hawkins, most likely wouldn't stand to stay there much longer without his mental health deteriorating. el is very much the same — the lab, upside down, the mall where she lost her dad are still fresh in her mind.

however, we also later find out about an apparent divide between the government and hawkins national lab, namely dr. owens and brenner. we learn that el is indeed still a fugitive, and she is still actively being searched for by authorities. that's the real reason for the move.

we've finally arrived at our point — letters, calls, and how mike kept in touch with both el and will.

in seasons 1-4 we are shown numerous times that phones are not to be trusted, and that phone lines are not safe. we know the people who were initially wiretapping hopper's and joyce's phones are the same people who then helped them escape, but after season 3 (timeline wise) and season 4 (when we are shown), this changes. dr. owens and brenner are no longer working with the government, instead operating in secret, meaning the means of communication they used to once take advantage of is no longer viable for el.

although this is only speculation on my part, i would venture to say it's pretty obvious.

government taps phones, it's a thing they do —» can no longer trust government —» knowing they tap phones, you shouldn't use them anymore.

this, however, isn't speculation: el is never mentioned in association with calls, only letters. season 4 opens with a letter from el to mike being read out, when she and mike fight she pulls out a stack of letters to prove he can't write that he loves her, and finally, will's line at the rinkomania:

"you've called maybe a couple of times. it's been a year, mike. meanwhile el has like, a book of letters from you."

will thinks mike is no longer interested in whatever he has to say because mike only called a handful of times within the timespan of a year (actually closer to 8 months, but...). he also pairs that sentiment with the fact that mike does keep in touch with el, exchanging letters regularly.

letters, because of the phone lines not being secure, are an El Thing™. we can gather from this line that calls are a Will Thing™, or at least they used to be before joyce got that telemarketing job (the timeline of which is unclear, honestly, given how the last letter el sends to mike in march mentions the job as though it was a new development, which does nothing to explain why mike failed to stay in touch with will since october. but that's another can of worms we don't have time to unpack now. my bet is on internalised homophobia btw).

thus, the line about mike whining about joyce's job? he regrets not being able to talk to will.

bonus: why doesn't mike want to write will letters, too?

i'd bet on a mix of the fanfiction staple aka "i couldn't write because i would constantly pour too much heart onto paper and/or sign the letter as love, mike" and (arguably more plausible) mike finding will's voice comforting.

i mean, come on, their whole thing is being afraid of losing each other. season 1 and 2 are literally about mike losing will and trying to get him back, first physically then mentally. season 3 is mike losing will metaphorically, growing apart because of his actions. in season 4 they acknowledge this — will saying he'd prefer to rip off the bandaid if he were to lose mike, and mike recognising that he lost will because he worried too much about el.

i feel like after all of this, ESPECIALLY seasons 1 and 2, it would be comforting to mike to actually hear will and know that he's safe and sound. if your best friend disappears for days and his voice is the only thing giving you hope about him being alive, i think it's understandable to prefer being able to hear him when he's gone from sight.

i keep imagining season 1 mike calling out to will on the walkie talkie, and can't help but think letters simply wouldn't cut it for them.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Please please please read this cuz you never know when it can be helpful!

I am a tutor and I'm so in love with it and helping people succeed. I wanna help so if you need it, read this and do not hesitate to DM me.

I will do it for free, especially since some people can't afford it or don't have an income. I know how hard it is to truly find help in high school and college, especially for people who are still dependent on their parents/guardians or people who have mental health struggles/social anxiety. Contacting your tutoring center or teacher/professor can be nerve wracking, trust me, I get it.

But I'm me! You guys know me, I'm very goofy and approachable lol.

I want to make help as accessible as possible for people who need it. I do only charge $13 for an hour session through zoom using venmo but only if the person I'm tutoring is willing/wants to pay. Money is genuinely not my biggest concern when it comes to this, helping is :)

I do want to extend my services on here and there's a bit of info on this in my Masterpost but here's all of my infooooo. I can even help you get prepared before the fall starts! I tutor the following classes...

High School:

Living Environment (Biology)

US History

English 9-12 (like if you need help writing an outline or someone to revise your work)

Algebra (I've taken six years of it; may be a bit rusty lol especially with how math is changing)

College:

For these classes, I'm much more acquainted with and for the biology classes, I have open lines of communications with professors for these classes because I work with them and their students :)

English 101 or 102 (commonly known as Writing 101 or Intro to Literature)

Psychology (General, Developmental or Adolescent)

Sociology (Mostly 100/101 classes)

Philosophy: Intro to Ethics

Any US history class

General Biology (lecture and lab)

Human Biology (lecture and lab)

Anatomy and Physiology 1 (lecture and lab)

Anatomy and Physiology 2 (lecture and lab)

Microbiology (lecture and lab)

Also literally any paper/presentation/powerpoint you need to write or create for literally any class.

I did get A's and B's in all of the classes listed above and am qualified through the tutoring center at my university. I've undergone training and am working on becoming a teachers assistant for the biology classes with their professors.

I know learning can be hard. I especially know that studying can be hard, taking notes, delegating, planning, I can even help you make a resume; I can help with it all. Even if you don't want to meet virtually and you just have questions, I'm here :)

[csa-survivor-confessions]

?

TW: anxiety, low mood, low esteem, mention of assault

Hi, I can’t help but shake this feeling that the world is marching on yet my life is stuck. I’ve just started a new job, a dream job I’ve wanted for years, yet I’m still an anxious nervous wreck and can’t help but feel lonely. I still live with my parents and do help look after my autistic brother, but I don’t have really any friends and no romantic partner. I was teased and assaulted by male classmates when at school so I guess in my mind I have this voice that says I’m pathetic and no one will love or want me. I wish I didn’t want love so much. I want to be more independent too but I can’t afford to be financially right now and my family need me.

All in all, I’m stuck. I would like some tips, or words of guidance you have, on how I can perhaps feel better about my situation. Words of comfort. Thank you.

Hello,

First off there is nothing wrong with wanting love, we all deserve healthy love. Relationships aren't the end all be all of the healing but they can be really helpful as they can show us a new way of relating. So there is nothing wrong with wanting relationships.

Now you are right that it's not necessary for you to survive and start healing. Now it's not always possible to process trauma when you are in the situation that traumatized you. But that doesn't mean you can't heal in other ways and start the process of differentiation from trauma and building yourself a strong structure to build a life on.

You are amazing and lovely, I know what it's like to be in a space of feeling stuck and like life isn't moving forward. But we here in this community love you so much and believe in you and your healing.

There are a few things that can help you feel more in control of your life and find an identity separate from what others said about you which can combat a lot of these feelings

Finding a hobby could really help. Making something with your own hands, learning something new can make you feel much more like you have control over yourself and it can help with self-esteem as well! Painting, sculpting, drawing, colouring, writing, playing music, collage making and anything else i can't think of are all wonderful ideas. Writing can be one of these that is free to do and coloured pencils/markers can be gotten for pretty cheap at places like Target.

Trying something new with your hair (How you style it, cut or dye it). This can help you feel in control of your life by bringing some control of your body. Having control of your body now when you didn't when you were abused can have massive effects.

Establish some change up in your routine, but don't break it completely. Examples include: If you have an exercise routine switch it up maybe add in some yoga if you normally run. Try and get something different from the grocery store or mix up how you cook it. Even buying some new kinds of tooth past. Breaking up your routine while not falling out completely can help life not feel so mundane without causing you to feel more stuck by not having momentum in your life.

Getting in touch with some people online can help. You can still feel lonely without people IRL but it's the only way with Covid still impacting social situations. Joining discords for communities you a part of even shooting a DM on here to someone you'd like to talk you. You'd be surprised how many people are open to talking. Making some online friends can help break through some of the loneliness and just give you someone outside of your family to interact with. Having good relationships can help work against the negative we had when they are supportive and loving.

When Covid is over there can be groups like support groups, LGBT centres (if you are in the LGBT community), or places to volunteer at where you can meet with other people who have similar interests or experiences and make some IRL friends. Again this can help with loneliness.

watch some TV that comes out at a more regular pace (like shows that aren't realised all at once) doing so can give you something to look forward to. Getting into a YouTuber/Twitch streamer who posts can have the same effect. Podcasts too!

Get in the habit of using grounding skills. When we feel dissociated throughout the day we can feel more stuck in general as we don't feel connected to anything in that we do. Learning anxiety coping skills is also helpful, when we feel bad about ourselves it often causes us great anxiety.

The voices of those who abused us really do impact our brains and it's common to feel like their voices are impacting our internal monologue. This can often come through as intrusive thoughts, if it does for you skills to combat intrusive thoughts might be helpful to work against these feelings of other's opinions of us impacting us.

When we have been abused our brains and nervous system becomes wired differently and it's important to understand this because it takes the blame off us that we are struggling because it takes a great time and healing to work with the neuroplasticity to heal. But working without body and doing some bottom-up work can be great! And the first step to this is getting into some habits like grounding and understanding hyperarousal/hypoarousal can make living our lives better as we understand that our body is trying its best.

Self-care can help with nervous system regulation and overall mood eating as best you can (I understand EDs and finances impact this), sleeping, taking care of brushing wteeth, washing our face, and showing. All of these things are hard but picking one and starting to try and work it into our lives can really help with nervous system regulation.

Resources:

Coping Skills Masterposts: Panic Attacks, Flashbacks & Dissociation

Coping Skills: Help With Sleep

Coping Skills: Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts

Coping Skills Masterposts: Self-Care

Coping Skills:Help With Sleep

Informational Article: Hyperarousal & Hypoarousal

Informational Article: Define Trauma

Informational Article: Being Our Whole Selves Brain & Body

You can move forward in life and as you gain the independence you will feel more like you are part of your life. And you can start right now in your healing journey!

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2