#franchise review

[horrorlamb]

The Franchise Files - The Conjuring.

Released in July of 2013 and based on one of the supposed real cases of the Warrens. The Conjuring was directed by James Wan and written by Chad Hayes and Carey W. Hayes starring Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga as Ed and Lorraine Warren the super famous Paranormal Investigators/demonologists who come to the aid of Roger and Carolyn Perron Played by Ron Livingston and Lili Taylor and their 5…

[neon-green-reagent]

I watched every Paranormal Activity movie, and I regret the majority of the process. So don't even click on this if you're not ready to hear a rant. SEVERE rant.

Wow, this is the worst franchise I've ever had the misfortune of watching. I had to POWER through these. I did it simply because... I'm a masochist? Mm, maybe. But also I'm a horror fan. And this series is beloved. And I just wanted to UNDERSTAND.

And I never will.

Because this was about 90% garbage. It is the same movie over and over and over. It's the same movie five times at least. Not in that way where people go, "oh, it's formulaic." No, I mean not a goddamn thing is different. The scares are the same. The pacing is the same. All of it is the SAME. The next time someone bitches about Friday the 13th, I'm gonna ask DO YOU LIKE PARANORMAL ACTIVITY? THEN STOP TALKING.

But I said five. There are seven movies. (seven what have i done with my life the time so much time just gone) Two of them attempted to buck the formula. The Marked Ones and Next of Kin. I don't know if I'm merely brainwashed by watching the same thing happen time and again, but I found these two films to be so refreshing. Like a cool glass of water in the desert. I actually ENJOYED them. The Marked Ones would probably work on its own if it wasn't for the fucking ending, but it genuinely did something else. When it didn't start with that NIGHT #1 shit I just about cut a flip I was so happy. Also, the characters were really genuine, and the story actually made me feel sad. I FELT A THING. And the dudes killing witches with shotguns got a grin out of me, too.

Next of Kin feels like... one of those Hellraiser movies that has Pinhead in it, but you know the original script wasn't even about him? Yeah. ONLY GOOD. It's a slow burn, but it has some truly chilling suspense as they start sneaking around in places they shouldn't be, trying to find answers. And the third act just goes hog wild. It gave me V/H/S series vibes with the creativity and the truly bonkers ending. So if you like that sort of thing like I do, try it. You don't have to watch the other movies. It's so disconnected from them.

Oh, and Next of Kin was the franchise killer. They probably won't make anymore, because it bombed so bad. I want to cackle at the sky. Audiences really are that vapid. They could not handle being shown something different.

The one thing that sort of kept me going with the series was Katie as a character. When you watch her boyfriend basically abuse her until she becomes demon possessed, you can't help but root for her. Her becoming a vessel for evil just kinda seems like... good for her territory. There's something to that, I guess, but it's so fucking minor. She becomes less and less of the focus with each movie, and then when they decide young actors will suffice, it gets unwatchable. Because, no, I don't want to see kids try to improv. Spare me, please.

Normally this is not what I'd do. I'd rank them. This would be all structured and nice and excited. But then I realized what would be the point of me going AND IT SUCKED AND IT SUCKED AND IT SUCKED AND THIS WAS OKAY AND THIS ONE WAS ACTUALLY GOOD FOR ONCE. Like I can't do that. I'd rather not go through each movie saying the same thing, because they are all the same thing. I'd rather just make a nice, healthy, blanket statement. Series BAD.

If someone hate read this for some bizarre reason, tell me why they're good. Tell me why I'm wrong. GIVE ME SOMETHING. Convince me. Don't cuss me out and call me a whatever new internet slang for stupid person. Give me something real here. What is it about this that has so captured audiences and made it a modern classic?

[subjectivecuriosities]

I recently watched and reviewed every (15!) Star Wars film! #StarWarsDay #MayThe4th a thread:

My ★★★★ review of Star Wars (1977) on letterboxd https://letterboxd.com/trashvhs/film/star-wars/

★★★★★ review of The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/3xVA4D

★★★★½ review of The Empire Strikes Back (1980) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6gcK1Z

★★★★ review of Return of the Jedi (1983) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6gAjyP

My ★★★ review of The Ewok Adventure (1984) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6ny31J

My ★★★½ review of Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6m4lSR

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/27Vc

★★ review of Star Wars: Episode II (2002) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6h20wr

★★★½ review of Star Wars: Episode III (2005) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6hByNB

★★★ review of Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6oGbFn

★★½ review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6inP29

★★★½ review of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6iQNt1

★★★½ review of Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6jj2c1

My ★★★½ review of Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6k3Q9t

My ★★★ review of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019) on letterboxd: https://boxd.it/6ljHjZ

[crazydiscostu]

An Autopsy Of The Walking Dead

STEALTH ZOMBIES!!!

Much like Lost, The Walking Dead went from the pinnacle of serialised television – from binge-worthy and nuanced, to a slow dredge through monotony and questionable writing choices. Like many I was glued to these weekly instalments, but much like the fate of The Simpsons, Prison Break or Game Of Thrones there came a time when the show peaked and the quality began to waiver. Join me for a series…

[superectojazzmage]

Just back from Alien Romulus and hoooo boy oh boy. Review/analysis.

Easily the best Alien movie since the first two, which isn't saying much, yeah, but it is legit a really cool and well-made movie, competing with Late Night With The Devil, Longlegs, and Cuckoo for title of my favorite horror movie this year.

In a lot of ways it's about harvesting the few good ideas from the post-2 movies that were squandered and doing them right, plus getting the series back to it's healthier roots, kinda the movie equivalent of someone doing physical therapy to get back in the saddle after an injury. This means it's not quite brand new ground like some may hope for and I've heard some people feel it gets a little derivative at points because of it. I can kinda agree and certainly understand that criticism, but I feel it does what it's aiming for really well and sets things up for future works to go in even crazier directions. Furthermore, it takes a lot of time to try and weld together the disparate post-2 movies in a way that brings the series back to a little coherency.

The atmosphere is really intense and cool, swinging between lovecraftian dread and build-up and high-energy chaos. The aesthetics and special effects are gorgeous, taking full advantage of the progress that technology has made since 2 plus really digging in to the used cassette future vibe of the older films. The characters are likable and actually intelligent (or at least understandable) in behavior like in the first two movies, so you care about what's happening to them instead of just waiting for them to get munched. The action and kills were really cool and creative, the cinematography in general was off-kilter in an awesome way - there's a definite attempt to make the movie feel claustrophobic and intimate. Fede Alvarez did a fantastic job in general, I'd love to see him do more with the series.

It REALLY cranks up the series' psychosexual, freudian, and sexual assault subtext, arguably to a point where it's just plain text. So if you're sensitive to stuff like that or if this is your first go at Alien, be warned for that.

More specific notes go under the header for spoilers. Highly recommend you go in as blind as you can.

Andy and Rain were wonderful leads, their dynamic was fantastic and Calie Spaeny and David Jonsson both turned in great performances. I direly hope they join the first two films' casts as "major" characters for the series going forward.

The effects to make Daniel Betts look like Ian Holms were quite possibly the one and only time the special effects failed. It looks very wonky, which is sad because Betts does a really good job copying Holms' mannerisms for Ash while still making Rook feel like a distinct character.

In addition to the usual themes of sexual unease, genetics, and parenthood, this movie adds in some really interesting themes of familial legacy, the rise of new generations, foundations, etc.. Andy and Rain are like Romulus and Remus of myth, orphaned and left to fend for themselves but growing into founders of a new age - both in-story with their carrying the XX121 substance and evidence of Weyland-Yutani's misdeeds to Yvaga and out-of-story with them being the protagonists of a new era for Alien. Likewise, the Offspring is the first example of an entirely new species, neither human nor alien but taking from the lineages of both through Kay and Big Chap, a Romulus-like founder of it's breed that will later bear fruit in Resurrection with the Ripley clone and Newborn.

I'm really not kidding when I say above that the psychosexual undercurrents are taken to the extreme here. This movie basically sees the ways the original film subtly pin-pricked at those themes, says "fuck that", and deliberately rubs it in your face in a way designed to make sure you can't ignore it. It wants you to be grossed out and to squirm in your chair and it knows exactly how to make it happen.

Alvarez noted in the lead-up to release that he took a lot of influence from Isolation and you can definitely see that in how he depicts the Xenomorphs and the general aura of the film. He further described it as a kind of halfway point between the first and second movies and you can also see that; it has the Lovecraft-style tension and horror of the first, balanced with the energy and action of the second, and it does a really good job finding a middle ground between Ridley Scott and James Cameron's styles while also doing it's own dance.

I mentioned way back at the start how the movie basically harvests the good ideas from 3, Resurrection, Prometheus, and Covenant and gives them the room they deserve while dumping the bad. It does that in both terms of themes/style and continuity/lore. Concepts that those movies bungled like xeno-human hybridism, the black goo, genetic engineering as a focus, and so on are done here more creatively and competently. Themes that those films tried and failed to tackle are handled with significantly more grace. It has the atmosphere and characterization of 3 but none of it's baggage and needlessly depressive tone. It has the body horror and weirdness of Resurrection without taking it to the zany, embarrassing areas that movie went. The effects and creativity of Prometheus and Covenant without any of their awful writing and clumsy messages. Alvarez takes on kind of an Al Ewing-esque "repairman" writing style here.

The Xenomorphs are absolutely deranged in behavior compared to most portrayals, attacking like either cruel sadists or raging chimps and rarely bothering to take hosts. I'm not sure if such a reading was intended, but I got the vibe that the idea is Xenos raised without a queen or hive grow to be basically sociopathic like how real world predatory animals grown without parental figures become feral and dysfunctional. Which would also explain a lot about how the Xeno in the original movie, Big Chap, acts there.

The Offspring's design is fucking wicked and I love it.

One of my few major criticisms is that Big Chap died off-screen instead of getting more to do. What was the point of having him be alive at the start if he wasn't gonna be used beyond a backstory point to set up the main story?

All in all, a very impressive effort and a great return to form for the series that I recommend highly.

[horrorhussy]

My favourite Saw VI reviews, how we feeling?

[mouse-bones]

Letterboxd reviews for Saw X

[xplore-the-unknwn]

HEAR ME OUT-

vid by @thatfilmguy5 on tiktok

Their scenes together have this likable tension. Every time Im like WHAT IS HAPPENING AND WHY DO I LOVE IT. There was this super intense scene in a field where Mae called for him and Noa came to her aid like a knight on a horse literally. It got me like- Oh… I want to see where this is going. 😳😳🙈

Their dynamic also complements each other that its cute! How they’re parallels but similar in what they’re fighting for. Both opening each other’s eyes to different worlds. HOW COULD I NOT WANT their relationship to develop in future sequels (even if they’re not endgame the TENSION IS THERE)

and their chemistry-

Its chef’s kiss. Its the Highlight of this film. When you watch it you’ll know. Their chemistry makes the characters sooo rootable and makes you more curious that you want to see how their dynamic flourishes whether as enemies or as besties- which is good and healthy for the franchise!!

Idk how they did it but the writers and Wes Ball knew what they were doing pining us with this tension. GENIUS.

[noahsworld96]

saw v reviews have to be my favorite

[pricelessreviews]

[rey-129-fan]

Well, it's been a while since I've posted any fanfic... Let's change that.

Good news! I'm not dead! My brain did try to get me to do things that could unalive myself for a bit, and then I lost nearly an entire side of my family over the span of 3 years, but I'm still here and still kicking! And I have two new puppies who are adorable and so loving.

Now for this story, this is inspired by a few posts I saw on @theglamorousferal, mostly the one about Amity Parkers going to college in Gotham and buying a hotel (I'm making it a co-op student house, but I've never lived in one, so if something's unacceptably wrong, tell me, if not, artistic license), but also the one where our main Trio buy a building to set up shop there, and wind up adopted my Jason (I swear, I saw that post after I wrote the first chapter, but it just fit so well).

***

Honestly, Amity Park was weird long before the Fentons moved there- the original settlers named the nearby lake Eerie, and it wasn’t after the Great Lake.  It’s just that before the Fentons’ machine punched a hole through reality and created a permanent doorway to the land of spirits and ghosts, the weirdness was not as blatant.

Prior to that, Amity Parkers were some of the few that could move to Gotham without suffering a breakdown that was common for new arrivals.  Now there was a slight dip in newcomers for about a decade or two after the Bat made his debut and then the crazies that followed him, but then Amity Parkers got used to the spirits of the dead wandering around following the aforementioned punching through reality.

All this to say that Gotham Universities were a rather common destination for young Amity Park adults seeking higher education.

Now because of this, there were always apartments advertising themselves for people from the small town.  They, after all, tended to not have a breakdown after their fifth rogue attack and just pack up and leave halfway through their lease.  But it got very annoying having to sift through all the advertisements when looking for a place to stay- something Danny Fenton saw his older sister go through when she got in to Gotham City University.  The boy then shared what he was witnessing with his two best friends- Tucker Foley and Sam Manson.  Tucker offered to help filter out the spam, which Danny’s sister Jazz thanked him for but turned down.  Sam… Sam instead got thinking.

Sam had been to Gotham a few times in her life.  She had an idea of the areas closest to the schools and how much those should cost.  And looking at the letters Jazz was getting, the offers were a little too high for a regular college student to afford.  Sam was also familiar with how many hotels were not being used in Gotham- people building them in hopes tourists would come to stay while visiting the East Coast, tourists that could not be convinced to visit due to the high crime rate and the lack of activities or places of interest in the city itself.

She quickly went to work, looking in to these empty hotels.  She was rather upset by their numbers and put together a spreadsheet of them, with details like number of rooms, any amenities they may have, and nearby landmarks.  She then grabbed her two dorks and marched to Casper High’s Community Outreach director.

Now Sam’s presentation raised a few eyebrows, mostly because it was in a completely different state, but Sam shot back that because of the efforts to incorporate the town’s new ghostly residents and provide them with helpful ways to feed their obsessions- efforts led by the Fenton family- Amity Park had very few homeless, and those that were had a huge community safety net to help them get back on their feet.  Additionally, with how many people moved between the city and the town, helping the city could be argued to also be helping the town.

The Outreach Director just sighed and gave Same the green light to at least draft and send out a proposal to the powers that be in Gotham, saying that there wasn’t much that could be done before they got backing and approval.  Sam thanked them before leaving, Danny and Tucker trailing behind.

She was back the next day with a draft of her proposal and a list of who to send it to.

***

Since returning from the dead in the eyes of the public, Jason Todd was often contacted by groups trying to use the Wayne fortune to fund their own personal projects.  They thought Jason would be the easiest to con- sorry, persuade- since he was a former street kid unlike the rest of his family.  Thus surely he would know just how much this new building with low income housing would help the people of Gotham- it even came with a pool and gym!

Yeah, he did know how much the people of Gotham needed housing, but $2K a month was not affordable when you’re barely making $30K a year!  Oh and the pool and gym were only available for those who could shell out an additional $2K a month.  Jason knows, he read the whole document carefully.

God, sometimes it was hard to tell who was worse, the psychos in Blackgate or real estate investors.  And sadly, he couldn’t just pop a bullet in their heads and be done with it because 1) it would raise too many questions and 2) it would make Bruce get all sad and mopey- again.  Jason just did not have the mental energy to put up with that on top of the rest of his life as a crimelord/vigilante/long-lost adoptive second son of a billionaire.

All this to say, he was not impressed when he first glanced over a proposal to convert the unused hotels around the city into housing units- especially since it was from someone that did not live in Gotham.

Manson?  Wasn’t there a family with that name that would attend some of Brucie’s galas?  Oh yeah, their family made its fortune off patenting the machine that wrapped toothpicks in plastic, as well as a couple others.  And they had a daughter around Repla- Tim’s age.  Hopefully this wasn’t her trying to be a kiss-ass like her parents.

Jason finished reading and sat back.  The proposal wasn’t too bad.  Converting hotels into apartment buildings would be easier than office buildings, and the suggestion to use ex-convicts that wanted to turn over a new leaf as building managers certainly wasn’t the worst.  Also creating a fund for those that couldn’t afford rent, as well as community kitchens and gardens were certain plusses, though would need to have the right people in charge to make sure they actually worked as planned, and to keep the Court of Owls from messing with it.

Overall, it was something Jason would consider, after some research and maybe talking with the rest of the Bats and Birds.  And if this was from the Manson kid, maybe get Dickie or one of the others to talk to her next time there was a gala in town.  Or talk to her himself, if the Pit wasn’t too loud.

…Dick was probably the better option to talk with her if it came down to it.

***

There's the first chapter. I'm going to go write the next one. When I have a good log of them, I'll then go and edit them and put them on AO3.

This has no title yet because I suck at naming. Feel free to comment with suggestions for a name, both for the fic/au and for the eventual hotel/co op. As well as any shinanegans and majors/colleges/universities for our liminal young adults.

Part 1/? Next >

[horrorlamb]

The Franchise Files - Annabelle

Released in October of 2014 Annabelle is a spin off and prequel to the 2013 movie The Conjuring. Directed by John R. Leonetti and written by Gary Dauberman. It stars Ward Horton and Annabelle Wallis as John and Mia Form who are expecting their first child. John buys Mia a vintage doll for her collection and after members of a Satanic cult break into their house and attack the couple after killing…

[neon-green-reagent]

Ranked: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

So in all my franchise devouring, this is definitely one of THE most disappointing series I've covered. To be fair, nothing can touch what watching all the Paranormal Activity movies did to me, and there is more to love here, but this is going to be kinda rough all the same.

Texas Chainsaw 3D : So at bare minimum, most of the movies are genuinely well-made and look good. NOT THIS ONE. This was the cheesiest and most sellout, oddly enough, that the series ever gets. Imagine if TCM was the Friday the 13th 2009 remake with less charm. Now that's some stinky shit right there. The concept is interesting, a long lost Sawyer rediscovering her roots and meeting Leatherface, but the execution is downright dumb. It makes it so there are no heroes and no villains and everyone's just a gray lump. A notion that a movie with better production values maybe could handle. But that ain't this. Oh, and Leatherface looked like total shit, which is the only time I can honestly say that of this series. Even the bad entries get that basic part right.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) : What was I just saying about no heroes, no villains, just gray blobs that get turned into tomato bisk? Yeah, that. I don't quite know what the point is of making a film with intensely politically charged talking points and making every character be in the wrong, but I can tell you what it makes. A MESS. Where if you root for someone, chances are they'll do something awful, stupid, backwards, or go against their own principles at some point. This is probably the goriest entry, but who gives a damn? Gore is supposed to serve a story or characters (or ideally both) that you care about. Without that, it's corn syrup.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning : So... this is a prequel to the 2003 remake. About a quarter of the way through, I found myself going, wait. I thought they said in the previous movie this is the first time anyone ever made it out alive to report the murders... YEP. A prequel where it was preordained there will be no survivors. So they made sure to make everyone very thinly written so you wouldn't be too worried about that. The main thumbs up I have here is that it's one of my favorite Leatherface designs of the entire series. Otherwise, it's easily skipped.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation : The reputation this movie has is a bit off in my opinion. It's starting to get "so bad, it's good" cred. Yes, there are things about it that I would say fit that description. Particularly Matthew McConaughey's performance. All the over-the-top acting in general. But at the end of the day, the movie plays all of its extremely weird gags very straight. So the tone is dead serious while we introduce such non-TCM concepts as the illuminati. And it turns out, no, this isn't a comedy. The cocreator of the entire franchise was absolutely sincere. It shows, and it really brings the fun way down. It's ridiculous and way out in left field, but it doesn't mean for you to laugh. Yikes.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) : We're finally in watchable territory. And yet when I say that... The last half hour just becomes what it always is for these movies. A girl screaming non-stop while chased or tortured, and after several rounds of that, you start to check out. I've also never seen a final girl fuck up her own escape as much as this one does. Also, and this goes for TCM: The Beginning too, R. Lee Ermey is one of the most one-note, overrated actors I've ever seen, and his presence here is not helpful in making me enjoy the film. Otherwise, this is serviceable if TCM is your thing.

Leatherface (2017) : Of the later sequels/remakes/prequels, this is pretty fun. Imagine, a TCM movie having fun with the premise. Trying something different. With an origin story that wants you to guess which character will be our big ole chainsaw boy. While him turning out to be the least likely suspect might put some people off, I thought the transformation was pretty dang cool. There's a lot of strong acting going on here from Lili Taylor and Stephen Dorff. The absolutely wild girl with the burn scars was a welcome addition to rather a lot of nutty characters, so it's a real feat she managed to make herself stand out. Overall, a stronger film than I could have hoped for that late in the game.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (OG) : WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT NUMBER ONE!? I mean, it's not. Not for me. I find this movie to be a pretty difficult sit. There are a lot of tiresome and forgettable characters. Our villains are loud and annoying. But the grit this was filmed with, the determination to get it made, the messages that lie underneath, and the character of Leatherface all shine through. It's an important film that ushered in a new era of horror, so while I don't find it that watchable, I deeply respect it.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 : This is the movie The Next Generation wishes it was. Tobe Hooper decided he could never follow the first film, so he decided to make a parody of his own work. Genius. It's hilarious, disgusting, lurid, wild, and extremely fitting with the decade it was made in. Stretch is by far my favorite final girl in the series. Dennis Hopper knew exactly what movie he was in. And the soundtrack is great, too.

Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 : Sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. But I love this one best. You've got Ken Foree kicking ass. You have Viggo Mortensen serving cunt. The Sawyer family actually manages to feel like a loving and supportive family in a twisted way, which is a trope I love. They realized they can't up the ante when Hooper has already set the bar so high, so they don't try. They make ridiculous fights, silly dialogue, and have fun. Fun is always the biggest component for me as to whether or not a film will be a winner. So uh... winner winner, chicken dinner?

Thus my journey ends. I want to add that aside from that dead last entry, even when I didn't love whatever movie I happened to be watching, they did right by Leatherface. He's one of those Jason-y slashers that you want to hug, because he probably deserves better than being used like an attack dog by his own family. I always enjoyed watching him, and every actor brought a different physicality and presence. So, no, I didn't hate every second. And if Leatherface seems intriguing to you as a character, you'd definitely get something out of going over this franchise, too.

[motherdanger]

has this been done yet ???

[mayorofloserville69]

Get yourself a bestie that uses your Letterboxd after watching saw movies with you

Made an Amanda Stan

[horrorhussy]

My favourite SAW IV reviews let’s go.