#fortunately scrooge was much better than i was about logic

[fictionadventurer]

What was the point of Scrooge's trip with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come? On a structural level, it makes sense--three is the fairy tale number, and you can't visit the past and present without also including the future--but on a character level, it doesn't quite seem necessary. Showing a man that he'll die alone, unloved, and unmourned seems like the strategy you take as the last-ditch effort to convince a guy that he needs to change his ways. But that situation doesn't apply to Scrooge. He started softening immediately after he first arrived in his past. By the time he finished with the Ghost of Christmas Present, he was fully onboard with the need to reform, so the Ghost's vision of his future seems like unnecessary cruelty. Why show him all this when he was already planning to change his ways?

A few things come to mind. One is that this vision of the future wouldn't have affected Scrooge unless he had already changed his ways. A cold, hard businessman could have seen his lonely death as just the way of the world, might have viewed the people who stole the clothes from his corpse as just people doing what's practical in this world. He needed to relearn the value of the intangibles--human connection, respect for others--to see the true horror of the lonely death and the vultures who defiled the dead man.

But why the horror? Can't he reform without being threatened with doom? It's possible--but it's also possible such a reform would be temporary. After all, Scrooge started as a friendly, loving young man, but retreated into himself and his business out of fear of poverty and fear of the way the world looks down upon poor people. Even if a reformed Scrooge started on a course of Christmas charity, there was always a chance that the enthusiasm would fade, and the worldly fears would start creeping back in. The only way to beat those fears is to give him something to fear that's even worse than poverty. He needs to see the horrible end that his selfish ways would lead to, so he won't be tempted to slide back into them.

There's also the fact that seeing his death makes him ecstatically happy to find that he's alive after the Ghost is gone. Had Scrooge been spared the vision of his future, he might have been happy to find himself on Christmas Day, but his joy would have been nowhere near the manic glee he experiences after coming back from the future. Now, he doesn't just get a new start--he gets a second chance. Coming back from his own grave makes him mindful of his death, but it also makes him hyperaware of the fact that he's still alive. He isn't in the ground yet. He still has time to do good and make connections with others so he doesn't die alone.

Seeing the past reminded him of the innocence he'd lost. Seeing the present reminded him of the people whose lives he was missing out on. Seeing the future reminded him that death is waiting, so it's important to live virtuously while we can. All three are important because all three brought him outside of himself and taught him to value the wider world, just in time to live through another Christmas Day.

[popculturebuffet]

Shadow Into Light (Lena Retrospective): Magica’s Shadow War

Hello all you happy people! And welcome back to Shadow Into Light, my look at the life and times of Lena Sabrewing. We’re in the end stretch, just two more installments after this: one covering what may be my favorite episode, and the other covering Lena’s season 3 appearances, as unlike Seasons 1 and 2 she shows up outside her own episodes fairly often and most of those apperances touch on how far she’s come or her life in some way shape or form, so I really can’t skip over them. 

But before we can get to the end of Lena’s arc, we have to once again go back where she came from. Previously I covered the one and only apperance of Minima DeSpell, a character Lena took some inspiration from. But Lena is a combination of Minima and another Ducktales 87 character but this time one from the show itself, in the same episode we meet Magica no less. Given how much frank loved the original, it’s not a huge shock one of the most vital and intresting new characters from the reboot was partially taken from an episode he probably watched 80 dozen times. So how does the original shadow stack up with her rebooted counterpart? Is the episode any good? And should I watch invincible. The answers to this question are under the cut!

To answer your question on invincible.. Yeah you should. It’s gorgeously animated, has a MASSIVELY talented and diverse cast, and perfectly adapts the original source: Adding in great new stuff and shuffling things around to work better for the pacing of a tv show. And after loosing The Tick to Amazon’s greasy clutches, not to mention Danger and Eggs and Alpha House before that with no formal cancelation so they coudln’t move elsewhere, i’m not taking any chances despite the odds being far more in invincibles favor. Check it out, just mind that it has a shocking amount of gore, if you like superheroes.  Or even if you don’t, it’s pretty much guaranteed to have someone you like doing a voice. 

Enough shilling for an unrelated show though, let’s get to this one. We open with our introduction to the De Spells. Magica is hovering over a caludron with a diabolical new plan to steal Scrooge’s #1 dime. Why? 

Or at least I didn’t. I knew why she wanted the dime itself mind you: The Dime has picked up some powerful emotoinal energy from being around Scrooge all his life as he built his fortune, made his way square and fought Teddy Roosevelt. All that good stuff. So naturally if used in a spell, that spell is going to be massively powerful. I just didn’t know what the spell was.. and now I do.. i’mmm underwhelmed. She wants it to gain the midas touch, i.e. the ablility to turn things she touches into gain, using the dime as a power source for an amulet. 

 Magica, via her potions and spells has the powers to do just about ANYTHING. And her goal is.. make some things into gold. She has a giant volcano laier, whatever resources she needs to go after Scrooge, and in this series at least can buy a haunted house on a whim. She HAS money.. why would she need this. And second... the midas touch is a bad thing. You cant’ USE or enjoy anything because it turns to gold> That was the whole fucking point of the myth. If it removes the weakness than fine.. but again it seems like a lot of effort for something with a short range and heavy possible drawbacks. I tfits her personalty to a point but even then she has better spells. I’m going more with it simply allowing her to supercharge.. is it more simplisti? yes. Does it make more sense than “Give myself a power that can easily be turned back on me by just making me touch myself “ yes, yes it is. 

Meanwhile the boys dick around playing Candid Camera with a new camera Gyro gave them that is no more advanced than your average instant camera. You’d expect this new invention to come in handy against Shadow Magica. And you’d be right. You’d expect the boys to at least suggest hte idea before the climax. You’d be wrong. This big is just.. irrtating. It’s just the boys being dicks to everyone by taking embarssing photos and really adds nothing to the episode of any remote subtsnace.

Conversley Magica continues to be the highlight, as her check in with airport security gets her through as she has no fruit. Ah the days before they throughly scanned us and most tsa jokes were about shoving hands up someone’s ass. Seriously.. why. .why is that a common joke. I’ve never had it done but unless you fully consent to it it’s not fun to get your hand up there but it was an oddly common gag for a long time.I.. really don’t get it. 

She arrives in america and buys a haunted house, to the realtor’s shock but eh it’s a sale. The black mold just makes it more sinister. Magica sicks Shadow Magica on the bin, with an elaborate plan but giving the Shadow one hour to do it because otherwise it will disapate.. given it dosen’t it’s likely more Magica trying to keep her double in line, having ran into trouble earlier with shadow her trying to steal the wallet of what I can only assume to be gus goose. So he was on vacation tha’ts where he was.. from what I don’t know he dosen’t actually do work and the house of mouse hadn’t been established yet. Maybe Gramma Duck just gives him vacation days. 

So the shadow ALMOST gets away with the dime.. but accidnetly knocks over a pedestal and warns Scrooge and the Boys, who manage to chase her off. Scrooge having only one magical nemisis in his Rogues gallery, that we know of, knows who did this and prepares for an attack.  Magica.. berates her doppleganger and while she considers a spell to power her up, decides against it since what would stop the Shadow from betraying her. The shadow agrees.. and locks Magica and Poe in a closet and makes the potion herself, taking on a creepy new form and planning to raise an ARMY of shadows. 

And here... is where the split between Lena and The Shadow is very deefinite. While Frank and Matt kept the shadow and Magica really not getting along and only working together out of necisity on both ends.. the shadow here REALLY is just magica. Just as evil and ambitious, and just as sneaky. The only diffrence between the two is the shadow’s logical weaknesses of being a shadow, i.e. light weakens her and she can only hide in darkness or other shadows, and how they were born. Shadow magica is every bit as evil and devious as the main one. I do get why she stuck in Frank’s brain though: the idea is simple but ingenious, someone’s shadow gaining sentience, and the cool tricks you get with that as she ducks and darts between shadows. It’s really good stuff and frank expertly expanded it with lena, making her basically humanoid duck other than where she came from, but still using the neat tricks with the shadow itself for Magica’s imprisoned form and later the shadow army. It’s a good example of taking a really good idea.. and making it even better, by having said shadow being deal with not being considered a person by the person who spawned her and really ramping up the idea of a shadow army, which Shadow Magica eventually summons, from about ten guys to an entire cities worth. The shadows also you know come from people instead of just thin air but semantics. Point is it’s a very good concept and done really well esepcially for the 87 cartoon, and while Frank’s take was unique and very well done, it dosen’t make the original any less good. 

And it’s shown off with a cool sequence of the shadow infiltrating the manor and nearly getting to the dime with Scrooge having rigged the place to all hell with lights as a percaution. It nearly wins but louie uses a shadow puppet to scare it off. While Scrooge ponders this latest attack Poe shows up, and offers Magica’s help.. but Scrooge rightly dosen’t want it, as he can’t trust her and only agrees when the boys bring up the power bill from keeping the lights on. 

Now getting Magica on board is not an idea: The shadow’s a threat to both of them and they need each other. The next part though.. is a bit stupid and drags the episode down a bit. Magica asks for the dime to beat the thing. Now Scrooge wisely is hesitant to do so.. but everyone else treats it like his usual greedy antics. Thing is.. it’s not. We don’t, at least in this adaptation, know what Magica wants with the thing or the full extent of what she can do with it or if she even actually needs it. While getting her help is one thing, giving her the DIME well...] ]’ii98[[

Why would you give someone you KNOW wants to use the dime to conquer the world or whatever the thing she wants? It’d be like handing Thanos the Infnity Gauntlet to take out Galactus. Yes, your handling a big problem.. but your burning the world to do it. It’s just so frustratlingly dumb. There’s a good idea in there, Scrooge being forced to lend Magica the dime, but it’s buried under Mt. Contrivance! 

So Scrooge reluctantly goes along with operation:seemed like a good idea at the time, and cleverly puts the dime in an empty stadium. Unfortuantley the lights malfunction and Shadow Magica summons MORE Shadows, and now has an army. Launchpad ends up being helpful, also he’s in this episode for some reason, by pointing out shadows need light.. and thus another logical weakness as killing the rest of the lights renders them weak and allows our heroes to lure them to the vault where Magica waits> Magica is able to weaken it with the spell.. but even with that the Shadow SITLL is too powerful.. 

Enter the cameras, which take out Shadow Magica, saving the day. We get a lesson about trusting Gyro’s gadgets for.. some reason and Scrooge stops Magica from fleeing with the dime with a shadow puppet. Smiles and cheese sandwitches all around

Final Thoughts on Magica’s Shadow War: This episode is not half bad. While the Dime Thing is mindblowingly moronic, and the camera thing is REALLY poorly set up, I have not had a more apt use for that Scott Pilgrim Panel yet, the sheer concept and June Foray’s sheer force of personality as both magica’s makes it work. It’s a fun, engaging adventure and a solid chonk of classic ducktales. As for how it relates to Lena it does so decently. But with this our side trips are at an end. Only two episodes left! And then onward to the lilo and stitch crossover arc! Yes really. Kev wanted a buffer before getting to the Season 2 arcs and I loved tha tshow as a kid so why the fuck not. 

Next Time on Shadow Into Light: Lena gets welcomed to prime time bitch as Magica pulls a freddy and stalks her through her dreams. Sadly she did indeed forgot about the power glove. Can the rest of the kids break away from dreams of high school musicals, becoming a garfild, giant legs and libraries long enough to save Lena? Will we have a very queer in the best way possible musical number about Lena and Webby’s anniversary? Will I talk about Huelet? In order, yes, yes, and probably. But join me anyways won’t you. 

If you liked this reviews, subscribe for more. If you have a ducktales episode from seasons 1 and 2 of the reboot or the whole of the 87 series, drop me a line through my ask box, my dm’s or my discord, technicolormuk#6550. Reviews or only 5 bucks an episode for tv. Other prices on the blog. Or if you can’t spare that much, join my patreon. Even a buck or two a month helps reach my stretch goals and the more of those I hit the more disney content you get a month. The current one is only 5 bucks away. I’m 15 and if I hit 20 that guarantees a darkwing duck review every month AND reviews of the super ducktales mini series. But if you can’t that’s cool and I get it times are hard, it’s why I have to shill so hard. But until the next rainbow, it’s been a pleasure. 

[tomb-bloom-noctem]

Were there any episodes in season 3 where you felt they could've been written better? I'm only asking because I had some ideas I wanted to share with people about fixing them since, to me, the season started becoming a mess around The Phantom and the Sorceress. And the episodes don't need to be outright bad, there could just be parts in it you didn't like.

Oof. I've been a bit loud and obnoxious about certain episodes for sure 😅 I'll try to briefly sum up a few.

Also I'm just gonna say, some of these are just I don't like what they did rather than any huge fundamental problems like the finale.

Also disclaimer. This is not an attack on anyone who likes these episodes! Nobody has to agree with me! If you like these episodes cool! Glad you got something out of it! This is just Tombs being a nit pick loud mouth.

Rumble for Ragnarok

I can't complain too much about this one as it was still entertaining. Norse is part of my heritage and I'm a fan of the mythology which was on full display this episode. My only real issue this episode is that the message gets a little lost at least on me. And then two is I think out of all the episodes this one is the one that could absolutely be thrown out without losing anything really important. Trade this episode for something different. Something more important.

The Forbidden Fountain of the Forever Glades

Scrooge's behavior and leaving Webby in the jungle was painful to watch. (Much as I don't like the finale twist, the twist actually makes this episode worse.) [Also so much for Goldie's "fresh start" when in Split Sword of Swanstitine later showed she once again attempted to double cross Scrooge. Yeah. Fresh start. Totallyyyy.] Goldie is a fun character and I can't hate her too much. The episode has its merits and definitely still think this episode should be around but Scrooge's behavior here really kills me. Thankfully at the end he does better but ugh. It's low on the overall ranking for me based on how he behaves and treats Webby.

New Gods on the Block

I actually really love this episode but Storkules was pissing me off too much 😂 Nit pick for sure. I love this himbo but got dangit he was making me so mad. I get it was kinda important for the overall plot but come on we got so little Donsy content that it was frustrating that he was so intrusive.

The First Adventure

Nit picking again. I think it's kinda random how in the span of a few hours a hard ass like Scrooge went from "my obnoxious niece and nephew" to "my heirs and beloved family." I guess it's possible but not a fan of that kind of writing. For me it would make more sense that they had several adventures or at least more time with them before they became "his heirs" in his eyes. Extreme nit picking on my part though, the episode isn't bad at all really. Also no Hortense and Quackmore. Yes they were named. (Or she was) No we never got to see them. Rude! This was actually a really good episode though overall again I just have some minor nit picks.

The Fight for Castle McDuck

Okay this one is also kind of a nit pick but it's more like based on the episode's timing. I think it is absolutely ridiculous that Webby "Knower of all things Clan McDuck" has no idea that a family of Scots fights a lot. I can somewhat forgive it though as she's young and isn't as familiar with this side of the family in the flesh. But it's so weird how this late into the show we're seeing this?? I think I would have liked this episode more if it had popped up earlier into season 3 rather than so late? It just was a kinda weird episode and not the most enjoyable but the timing I think made it worse. Also the no mention of Hortense again. Referring to Matilda as the youngest when that's supposed to be Hortense? It's really not the worst episode. It just feels a bit off to me and again to me mostly the timing of it. Could have been better, could have been worse.

How Santa Stole Christmas

THROW THIS EPISODE INTO THE FUCKING GARBAGE. HATE HATE HATE IT. THIS ONE ACTUALLY MAKES ME RAGE.

This episode is actually worse for me than the finale. Literally I consider this episode the worst in the series. I just hate it!!!

I hate that this episode was about Scrooge and Santa. I really don't give a fuck why Scrooge hates Santa and this story in no way compelled me. (Also why was Scrooge and Santa's dialog weirdly shippy??? Thanks to this episode got another huge NOtp, "scranta" is gross, sorry, hate it. Absolutely cannot board that ship at all, I have the tag blocked.) I see absolutely no reason why this was the story we got when there was literally an option to follow up The Last Christmas now that Della was finally home????? MISSED OPPORTUNITY!!! I hate the weird crazy ass capitalist message going on throughout the episode, I get Scrooge is a capitalist himself but he didn't change from this episode? He walked away from Jennifer's obvious poverty life and went "ah as long as she's happy" instead of I don't know, maybe a message about helping the less fortunate??

Look maybe I'm just bitter from my own life. I've lived in extreme poverty my whole life. My parents home has literally looked so much liked the ruined place Jennifer lived in during the episode. And I live in Alaska so I KNOW COLD. I know how it feels to go cold for days on end, no food, no water, nothing. Extreme poverty. Scrooge could have done something. He wasn't like Donald who doesn't have much either. He's a freaking billionaire. He could have helped. And instead the message he walked away with is "if you're happy life is fine" or something. Whatever the message that was supposed to be from this episode is completely lost on me because all I see is a miserable rich old miser who hates letting kids have fun and won't help someone in need. Absolute garbage episode. I really wish they had instead just followed up on The Last Christmas. Or had some kind of family centric episode at least! I seriously fucking hate this episode so much. I would legit erase this episode if I could it is the WORST.

The Lost Cargo of Kit Cloudkicker

Nit pick again. Didn't love what they did with Kit. Okay I get the idea he grew up to idolize Baloo so he turned out more like him. It...wasn't great. Didn't like that much at all. Felt like they just tried to shove Kit into a DT87/DWD Launchpad mold. I didn't love that Baloo and Kit's relationship was mentioned weirdly casually? Like Kit called himself Baloo's sidekick??? Except in Talespin Kit calls him Papa Bear??? Also great, got another tag to block from this episode, the delkit ship. Not a fan, thanks.

Kinda weird for me with this episode I didn't really catch the meaning of it. To me it felt like the message was "defy expectations...by meeting them." It didn't really click and I kinda hated it for that plus the weird characterization of Kit. Actually I was on Twitter and someone was complaining about this episode and I responded in agreement and then FRANK REPLIED TO US 😅😅😅. Frank explained that the point was more of "if you're good at something, don't give it up" rather than "you can do anything you set your mind to" type message that appears a lot in kids media. (Also Frank please don't look at me when I'm criticizing the show 😂😂😂😂😭 I promise overall I do love it I'm just a loud mouth when I don't like something some times 😅)

After Frank explained that it did click a little better and I can see the message a bit more clearly. But I'm still not really in love with this episode like I wanted to be. I freaking love Talespin so that was a bummer. But as I've said a dozen times. I'm mostly nit picking my personal opinion.

The Life and Crimes of Scrooge McDuck

Another one I wanted to like more than I actually did. And mostly this boils down to Louie having to apologize to Doofus when Doofus is the one who's like some wild sociopath or something. I get it Louie hasn't been completely innocent towards Doofus. He did try to use him and con him but Doofus flat out has tried to hold him captive and torture and even kill him. Doofus' sins outweigh Louie's. Louie having to apologize to prevent the tension and all just...feels like victim blaming? This one is harder for me to describe why I don't like it and I think others have explained it better than me. I think it could have been better if Louie AND Doofus both apologized and agreed to start over and let what happened between them before be water under the bridge. At least this way they're equals? Maybe it wouldn't have been the best fix but I feel it would have been better than Canon. This one I don't want to call a nit pick. This one feels like there is something fundamentally wrong with it but I struggle to explain. Mostly other than that though I think the episode was fine. A little weird that the karma court scale needed to be told the villains hearts rather than able to just know them (mostly looking at the Ma Beagle one here) but that part is more nit pick.

And finally...The Last Adventure

I have things I love about it. The individual character moments. The references and call backs. The music. This finale was clearly made with love and care.

But that damn Webby clone daughter thing twist changes things. I know some people say it doesn't but to me it does! I feel it messed with the family dynamic and the characters in a needless way. I feel it didn't add anything to but rather did take away from. I don't wanna say too much on it as there's already been so much talk on it so in keeping it brief- not a fan, didn't like, why the hell, no.

The thing with Bradford kinda threw me off too. His logic and insistence on not being a villain made him so interesting. He was truly a villain to rival Scrooge. Then in my opinion he was pushed into a weird middle ground. He didn't feel like he completely abandoned what he previously stood on but also didn't go full villain either? I get a villain like Bradford isn't easy. The writers have to truly bring their all for someone like him. But Bradford suddenly getting armor and the Split Sword and becoming a battling giant was kinda ????? inducing. Threw me for a bit of a loop. I probably need to watch this episode a few more times before I finally settle on where I sit with the Bradford thing but at least at this time I just feel kinda mixed on it. Maybe I missed something there.

Other nit picks from the finale. Donald's writing was a little weird, he sounded like he was going on vacation but then Della said he was moving out and Donald talked like "well you have the boys and Uncle Scrooge..." it just really sounds like he's leaving the family?????????? Especially at a time like this? Rude! I mean yes somebody please get this man a vacation but the writing here left me kinda confused and there is no reason Donald would ever just leave and act like "oh well their mom is back so my work here is done." Nope. DADnald for life.

Lena and Webby never getting shown to have made up after their fight. I imagine the giving June and May the friendship bracelets kinda implies it but come on. Even just a hug would have been good. Also...why are they giving up their friendship bracelets??? Confused, not a fan.

And also...in addition to the Clone twist, I really don't love that April, May, and June were all clones instead of Daisy's nieces. I really wanted to get to see them in the show and now I just feel like thanks I hate it! I admire the guts to make a twist like this and all but I really hate it.

Overall please let me say I LOVE Ducktales. The show as a whole to me is a huge important thing I love. This isn't an attack on anyone who likes these episodes. I am just once again being loud and obnoxious with my own opinions and nit picks and things I just would have liked to see or not see.

no idea if any of this rambling answers your question Anon but here you go. Hope it works.

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 - The Absolute Best!

After doing the least best this series has done, it's time for a much, much harder list to put together: the absolute best episodes of DuckTales 2017. I am not going to lie: this was hard to put together. Anyone could guess that based on how I once planned to have this list alongside the worst list and that did not happen. I can also see myself forgetting about other really good episodes of this show. However, after days of pondering, I believe I have a good list here.

Same rules as the last list.

It has to be an episode of DuckTales 2017. No shorts, even if the shorts combined can make up a full episode.

With this list, I have to say something bad about each of these episodes. Not necessarily the worst part of the episode, but a bad part nonetheless. These are going to be more nitpicky, but it is only fair to prove the constant that there is no such thing as a perfect piece of media and it is a decent challenge for me.

This is my opinion and my opinion alone. There are episodes I didn't like as much that a lot of people did. The last list should be a huge hint at that.

Alright, let's begin.

10. Jaw$!

I mentioned this episode in my Least Best as the better example of the show establishing the relationship between Lena and Magica De Spell. It establishes Magica De Spell better than either of the episodes that featured her before this one. One was a tease put in the very last minute of the episode to show how Lena is going to be far more important than the "cool new goth girl", and the other was the Terra-Firmians episode that used her as a way to improve what would otherwise be a not-so-good filler episode. This one is a far better example, and it's not just because a money-shark is a lot more interesting and threatening than a bunch of cutesy rock creatures.

It also has a B-plot about Scrooge's Board of Directors scheduling an interview to improve his PR, and hilarity ensues when Scrooge has to defend his zillionaire antics when a shark made of his own fortune is causing havoc throughout the town. Glomgold also makes an appearance during this, which only makes it better. Along with some neat Jaws references along the way, this is not an episode to miss.

Bad thing: They really did not want to mention the obvious plot hole of the kids being able to go into the money bin. This was long before F.O.W.L. began their plans against Scrooge or even the 87 cent problem, but still, one would think this would be one of the most highly secure places at Killmotor Hill considering all of his enemies. Considering I didn't particularly love the Impossibin episode, as much as I love the idea of it, it might be for the best.

9. The First Adventure!

Going from an arc from season 1 to an arc from season 3, though some may argue the F.O.W.L. arc has been happening since season 1. Anyway, this is an episode that brings back the younger Donald and younger Della that was first seen in "Last Christmas!" in their first adventure with their Uncle Scrooge. It's very interesting to see the similarities between their first adventure with Scrooge and the first adventure with Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

Even though this does give good development to the arc, arguably even bigger characters in this episode are Bradford Buzzard and Black Heron, as this episode details the origins of the Fiendish Organization of World Larceny. Their antics throughout this episode are very entertaining, with the plot toying with the dynamic of the more chaotic evil Heron and the more lawful evil Buzzard. With all it all ties together, I had to put the First Adventure on this list.

Bad thing: The sense of time in this episode is odd. We get a title card showing that it's the 60's in the opening scene, and yet there is very little suggestion of any passing of time between the opening scene and the scenes that I assumed took place in the 80's.

8. Quack Pack!

It would be too easy to just put in episodes that are important to any of the various story arcs that went throughout this series, so here's an episode that could be taken out of the series without harming anything. However, it is still a very memorable episode of the show, where the cast of characters have to be in this weird sitcom. There's also a mystery element, as there is a culprit to why these characters are in this sitcom world.

I really like the whole meta element, with the characters picking apart all not only the clichés in sitcoms, but sitcom production as well. I also really appreciated the "special guest", another sitcom staple, being a character from a different Disney Afternoon show with some great references to it. Quack Pack turns out to be the antithesis of the show it was named after; it's not dated, it's really funny, and it realistically portrays how freaked out these characters would be if they saw those weird hairless apes.

Bad thing: I wish they did more with the concept of this world being made up by someone who was locked away from the world since 1990. Maybe not references to the era of Disney that gave us "Gotta Be Gettin' Goofy", but more jokes about how the 90's were different from now. They kind of ignore this, as if they only mentioned 1990 because of the DuckTales movie they were referencing.

7. Last Christmas!

Wait, a Christmas episode in a Top 10? I have my reasons for including this one. It's not just because the idea is pretty great, as it uses the very tale that inspired Scrooge's entire character in the first place. Obviously, we already had one of the best cartoon renditions of A Christmas Carol, and this episode does not try to recreate that. Instead, we get a different tale, mostly featuring Scrooge and Jiminy Cricket, er, the ghost of Christmas Past, going back to the past to experience a good Christmas party. If only we can do the same, like Dewey accidentally does in the episode.

This was also the first time we also got to see a young version of Donald, who, in this episode, is voiced by none other than the late, great Russi Taylor. It was almost like having one of the siblings from the old show interact with one of the new ones. This is also the first time we got to see and hear her outside of a painting, and it's heartbreaking and yet understandable when we get to the scene where Dewey has to say goodbye. It's a good scene, and they weren't afraid to even throw in a joke that does not ruin the moment.

Bad thing: No, episode, this is the Scrooge they were looking for. Were they trying to make it seem like Scrooge was always a hero and not a miser who would deserve getting three ghosts to visit him with that line? I don’t buy it.

6. The Ballad of Duke Baloney!

Got to pay some respect to Scrooge's arch-rival with an episode that really shows off his character, which is a bit ironic as this is an episode about him getting amnesia and getting a brand new, at least to us, persona named Duke Baloney. Amnesia episodes tend to be a dime-a-dozen, and anyone could predict this new persona is not going to last, but the way this episode develops is actually much more interesting. This is the episode for Glomgold character development, with dream sequences, flashbacks, and a great scene in the ending that takes place in a storm that he may or may not have made up in his head. I may not have given a lot of his episodes high-rated reviews, but this is easily not only one of his best appearances, but one of the best episodes of DuckTales 2017.

Bad thing: The dream sequence really subtly implies that Duke Baloney is about to become Glomgold again. How? By having him outright say "this gold, it's GLOOMING onto me!" ...okay, I'll admit, that was a stretch for a bad thing, but with a dream sequence with subtleties, that took me out of it.

5. The Last Crash of the Sunchaser!

I called this episode "the best episode of the series so far" when I reviewed it, a pretty late episode in a season with lots of good episodes, I would say that's a good sign that this one was going to be a shoo-in for at least the Top 10. What I love most about this episode is that it gives a little more humanity to the legendary Scrooge McDuck. Sure, this was shown a bit in "Woo-oo!" and "Mount Never-Rest!", but I felt this episodes was one of the best examples of that. Throughout this episode, he sees himself as this legendary figure, as everyone sees him, and he ends up failing to live up to those impossible standards by crashing in a plane in a way where they may not survive.

Much like Quack Pack, there's no traditional villain like Glomgold or Magica. Eventually, this leads to Scrooge finally bringing up his biggest failure: his loss of the Spear of Selene and a certain relative that was piloting it, and it is one of the biggest emotional moments of the series, both in and out of universe. It's one of the most important episodes in the series, and it is also one of the best.

Bad thing: The Last Crash of the Sunchaser is a neat title, but it doesn't really fit the episode. The Sunchaser will certainly crash again. At most, maybe it could be referring to Scrooge crashing down to the lowest point he gets to in the series, but that's not the Sunchaser's fault.

4. Moonvasion!

My big hot take: the season 2 finale, the best of the season finales in my opinion, is not the best episode of the series. However, it is very close. It's actually kind of funny; I had plenty of criticism against the build-up to his finale, especially the Louie Inc. plot that led to an episode that was just kind of lackluster to me, and of all the, some alien commander from the Moon who thinks the Earth revolved around his "planet" wasn't exactly as threatening as an all powerful witch or the scheming businessman who knew Scrooge's every move. Okay, when I put it like that, the alien does sound more threatening, but trust me, even Bradford had his moments.

The biggest thing about this episode is the sheer scale of it. It really did feel like every major player in the series had a part in this, from Scrooge and the nephews, to Dijon and Amunet, to the new Darkwing Duck, to Donald and Della, to even the Greek pantheon! Oh, and Glomgold, too, in what may be his finest moment in the series! It really does feel like a finale for the series, and I say this even if I felt The Last Adventure was a great one as well.

Bad thing: In hindsight, this would have been a good time for the Terries and Fermies to come back. They're in the earth! That episode wasn't bad because of them.

3. Let's Get Dangerous!

I'll tell you a secret: I did not watch Darkwing Duck as a kid. It was just DuckTales '87, and even then, I did not remember a lot of episodes of that. This show was made for people who did not grow up with DuckTales '87, because they were not even alive. Though there are parts of this episode that can be appreciated by those who were familiar with the heroes of the Disney Afternoon, I will still say this episode works very well as its own superhero movie. That is what it is, really!

This special is the true continuation of another episode, though we saw this defictionalized-within-the-fiction Darkwing Duck in the Moonvasion, and it may as well be a pilot for a Darkwing Duck reboot that spins off from this show, with its villains, its origin stories, its sidekicks, and its memorable catchphrases. It all works very well. Who knows where the new Darkwing Duck reboot will go, though I would at least imagine that they would eventually get to certain Darkwing-related plot threads that never got resolved.

Bad thing: Outside of using a few cliche moments to extend the episode that end rather predictably, in the attempt to make Darkwing Duck as cool as he wants to be, the regular cast essentially become jobbers in their own show.

2. What Ever Happened To Della Duck?!

It's the question everyone wanted to know ever since Dewey said the last line in the first episode: what ever happened to Della Duck? This is one of the more artsy episodes of the show, focusing on one duck on what she assumes is a barren moon until she finds a monster that seems to do nothing but impede on her quest to get someone to save her. It does heavily expand from there, to the point where we get to see some more new characters, one who I thought was going to be way more important than the other. I decided to call that guy "General Not Penumbra", and that name could still be fitting as an insult.

This episode would be made or broken by how good Della is, and this is a very good episode for her first voiced debut as an adult. We did get to see her in the IDW comics, but this episode is where her character is developed. Throughout the episode, she has elements of her kids and especially her brother Donald. While there are future episodes that develop her further as a mother who wants to make up for all of those years she missed, one of the biggest defining moments is right in this episode, where she sings a version of the Capcom game's famous moon theme. An amazing episode all around.

Bad thing: Do I have to? Uh, flares do not work on the Moon? No, seriously, I can't think of anything worse than that.

Honorable mentions from each season:

The Shadow War! - An excellent way to end Season 1 that would only be topped by the Moonvasion.

Nightmare on Killmotor Hill! - A dream episode that really works with the concept, especially how Lena is the one involved with it.

Double-O-Duck in You Only Crash Twice! - This is an action packed episode where Launchpad really shines.

And now, #1:

1. The Duck Knight Returns!

Yes, I decided to put the prequel episode to Let's Get Dangerous as higher than the big Darkwing Duck episode, and part of this may be a little bias on my part. While it was not the very original intention of it, Fly Pow Bye started as a project to review a reboot, so of course an episode about Darkwing Duck, a fictional show within the fiction, getting a dark and gritty reboot would be right up my alley. We have Launchpad, a Darkwing Duck superfan, reacting to how they're going to ruin Darkwing Duck. We got the conflict between what the big studio execs wanted Darkwing Duck to be and Dewey's version of it. Finally, we have the conflict between Jim Starling, an obvious reference to original Darkwing Duck voice actor Jim Cummings who is even voiced by him, and his replacement, who appears to be some guy named Drake Mallard.

A lot of these plots converge in very interesting ways, with plenty of twists. Drake Mallard, the guy Launchpad was trying to replace with the original, turns out to be very worthy of the role by also being a superfan! Dewey's version has dancers, just like that Batdance music video! Okay, maybe that last one isn't that great, but it does not overstay its welcome. And, of course, Jim Starling ends up causing a huge cliffhanger that, despite the show being over, we will still be hanging from. We can only wonder what was going to come next, but I do not have to wonder what the best episode of DuckTales 2017 is.

Bad thing: I can't really think of a bad thing for this episode, but I can say that it is odd that there's no real transition from "TV character" to "real hero". It does help that it's not the TV actor that ends up becoming Darkwing, but "fanboy of TV character turning into a real hero" is just as much of a leap, even with an incompetent hero like Darkwing. I would also consider the show never following up on this episode's cliffhanger a bad thing, but that's not this episode's fault.

How does the whole show stack up?

It is an excellent modern take on the Disney Ducks. Opinions may vary on how this will compare with the original, since it is very much a modern take, with a different style of humor than the one from the original or the one in the original comics. Anyone who loves shows like Gravity Falls will be right at home here. Any fan of the original comics or the original cartoon may balk at some of the creative decisions made with the characters, but I would say it pays some good respect to them.

Oh, and before anyone asks, no, I am not going to give a rating for the whole series. I've already imposed a 10 image limit on myself, and since I grade on a relative scale, the average is always, in theory, going to be in the middle. It's a good show, that's what you're going to get from me.

And that's it for DuckTales 2017. Hurrah for Disney and Clan McDuck. Bye.

← The Least Best! 🦆 n/a →

[cartoon-savant]

Ducktales "Let's Get Dangerous" Watch Ramblings

Okay, so. That was amazing.

WHO DID THIS!? WHAT MAD GENIUS SNIPED IN BONKERS!? I CAME TO THIS PARTY FOR SPECIFICALLY INFORMED FUN AND THEN THE HOST JUST THROWS GOLD AT MY FACE!!

- The episode feels like a proper dedication to everything Darkwing Duck. The atmosphere of St.Canard still feels like Gotham City so much. If Launchpad is doing double time moving between Duckberg daytime and St.Canard nighttime it’ll hold that vibe the city and DW have. But I can’t help but believe this is the start of his transition to St.Canard. The responsibilities may just be too big to juggle together. Also, this found family of Drake, Launchpad, and Gosalyn is just too good together. Like Launchpad creates a different vibe for himself when he’s with him. He just taps into a whole different side to care for and support them.

-  So yeah, I’m glad Darkwing is still somewhat underappreciated in St.Canard since it didn’t seem like anyone knows about his efforts in the lab. Gizmoduck didn’t even make it halfway across the bridge into the city and gets all the credit. So now we get to see DW work towards that recognition he deserves.

- It was the best blending of nostalgia and new age. They drop a massive Easter egg in one of my favorite scenes, from one of my favorite episodes “A Whale of A Bad Time”, of my favorite story arc where Scrooge and Glomgold race to deliver their fortunes for weighing in a bet to win a lucrative contract. Also love the Fluppy Dogs shot-out. Wasn’t my jam but I gotta respect that attention given.

- F.O.W.L. involvement made the Missing Mysteries tie-in more logical. Huey is getting more involved here since this season is supposed to be this triplet’s turn in the spotlight. I bet this encounter spurs him into action now that F.O.W.L. is exposed to have interest in the mysteries. Speaking of exposed, poor Bradford. Like he would be more successful in his organized bureaucratic villainy if everyone who works for him didn’t revel in the theatrics.

- With Taurus Bulba falling out with F.O.W.L. it leaves me to believe he’ll stay in St. Canard to be a recurring villain for him. If he keeps the “Bulba’s Super Villain Solutions” thing I expect something like the Spectacular Spiderman animated series. Like Norman Osborn he’ll turn out villains for profit while acting behind the scenes and exploiting the chaos. Bonus points if his cybernetic enhancements keep coming in via collateral damage like with Major Bludd in G.I. Joe: Renegades. Since only Megavolt, Quackerjack, Liquidator, and Bushroot seem to be the only returning OG villains (aside from a couple of cool cameos from some C-Listers, haha) now the writers have a nice say in picking and choosing who gets rolled into the reboot reality. Negaduck is basically confirmed as a reboot villain now since they called themselves the Fearsome Four and Justice Ducks got a name drop but not who’s in it. Gizmoduck was a member but is here as a reboot character and they can just grab Neptunia, Stegmutt and Morgana. Real talk, they’ll probably redo all their designs but I hope we keep Morgana’s vibe close to her original which had such a wonderful goofy Elvira feel. Also let’s get a good Batman/Catwoman thing going.

- Bushroot’s redesign and dialogue silence may have been out of respect to his original voice actor Tino Insana’s passing, also the same year the Ducktales reboot came out. Everyone else is alive but the only reprised role was Michael Bell’s Quackerjack and everyone sounded great. Still hope he left like a seedling clone of himself behind so we can explore more of him.

- Gosalyn was well handled. I loved her reboot personality still feeling like OG but with more smarts and skill. Giving her skill with a crossbow was great (she gets a matching outfit and Huntress much) as well as leaning into the Batman & Robin parallels by making her a proper partner/sidekick, instead of a stubborn tag-along.  I want to see her meet Webby because I feel like she will complete a certain dynamic. Webby is an all rounder being good with magic, quite smart and a top fighter. Webby doesn’t hold top mark in any particular area. Lena is basically becoming sorceress supreme and Violet is very intelligent and composed with her reading situations better than the others. So I want Gosalyn to be surprisingly good at keeping up with Webby in a fight.

The second other series that may actually get this kind of dedication in the reboot feels to me like Talespin.

- We have plenty of mentions of Cape Suzette and a Don Karnage. I say “a” because the Season 3 poster revealed what looked like an older Kit and Molly. This leads me to believe the OG Talespin adventures do take place decades prior to closer match the aesthetics of the OGand current era Karnage is a descendant. Della may have also learned to pilot from or was a fan of Baloo so that can be a good background to add to her character. I feel like Shere Khan will be a David Xanatos type character. He was already a fierce, morally ambiguous self serving businessman. But give him that Xanatos pizazz, keen intellect and foresight to make him be the sharpest of the sharpies that Scrooge will ever deal with.

- So all in all it was everything I didn’t know I wanted and gives me such joy for heights this show can reach being this successful in its ambition. I hope further inclusions from other Disney Afternoon characters will start building themselves up in this reboot just as well. I’m excited for more of the world explored from the sides of the Rescue Rangers and Goofy’s suburban slice of life. Oh, and of course cop/detective work from freaking Bonkers! Like this is how you know your reboot is in good hands. When you keep the appeal of and appreciate the old while introducing well defined new takes, bridging the gap between generations so everyone enjoys it. Man, I need that Animaniacs reboot right now.

[stillebesat]

The Path: A Tale of Trick or Treating -??? (15/15)

Sanders Sides: Logan, Patton, Roman, Virgil, Deceit, Remus Sanders Shorts: Remy (Sleep) Cartoon Therapy: Emile Picani Blurb: You’ve been trick or treating at the Sanders Side’s homes for as long as you can remember, but this year things get a bit more…complicated. Fic Type: Halloween, Adventure Chapter 15 Warnings: Deceit mention, Duke Mention Author’s Note: This fic is told in Second Person.

Previous Houses: Remus(1) Patton(2) Emile(3) Remy(4) ???(5) Logan(6) Roman(7) Virgil(8) Diva(9) Duke(10) Prince(11) Picani(12) Logic(13) Deceit(14)

Best. Halloween. EVER! 

You smile softly, barely paying attention to your surroundings, having eyes only for the tiny baby dragon semi curled up in your hands tearing at the piece of Hershey's chocolate you’d given it from your stash to eat as you walk back home from The Vill--Dragon Keeper’s house.

Chocolate for Health. Sugar for Flame. 

A Candy Dragon. It still boggled your mind that, well first that they actually existed, but second that this tiny creature only needed to eat candy to survive.

Lucky thing. 

Honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that The Villain--Dragon Keeper had spent a good twenty minutes lecturing you on how to care for the baby dragon and had hinted at just how badly Halloween would go for you for the rest of your life if he discovered anything had happened to it, you would have thought that the Villain was messing with you. 

“Eat it all, little one.” You whisper to the tiny creature, running your thumb down its scaled back. “You need to grow big and strong, okay?” 

Not that the dragon would get much bigger than a baseball, which while you were disappointed you’d never be able to fly through the skies on its back...it did make keeping secret the little thing a lot easier because you had no idea how you would even begin to explain the dragon’s existence to your parents when you got back let alone convince them to let you keep it if it got as big as a horse or a car or even a house!   

The little dragon flares its shimmering wings out in response to your touch, pausing in tearing at the chocolate long enough to let out a small croon as it half closed its eyes, arching its back as you stroke it. 

All yours.

And yet. You bite your lip. 

Something didn't feel quite right with this ending. 

You pull the little dragon close to your chest, cupping it over your heart as you come to a stop, looking about the neighborhood you found yourself in. "It's not complete," You whisper.

The words seem to ring in the still night air.

And it felt right.

The Path wasn’t complete.

The Villain had told you you were at The Path’s End. 

That wasn’t exactly the same as Finishing It though. 

You frown, turning to look back the way you had come, the streets now still and empty compared to earlier in the night. 

If it wasn’t finished…what were you missing to cross the finish line instead of stopping right before it?

Was this like Hiss for Your Treats sign all over again? Were you taking things for granted? 

What more could there be beyond getting a pet dragon? 

Why would the others care if you got a dragon? 

It didn’t make sense. “Why would they care?” You mumble, closing your eyes as you run your thumb along the little dragon’s back. It chirps in response, claws digging into your costume. 

The Dragon Keeper had said nothing about this being the last dragon. He hadn’t charged you to protect it with your life or anything. Roman would have at least told you---Wait. 

Roman had. 

You jerk your head up and the dragon murmurs a complaint as you spin in a circle searching the surrounding houses. 

When all is said and done and you’ve reached the end of The Path and received your reward. Remember to--

“Remember to unlock the gate!” You nearly shout as you stop spinning before you get dizzy. “But which gate?!” You’d been to dozens upon dozens of houses with gates on them and it wasn’t like they’d needed you to have a baby dragon in order to ope--

Your breath catches in your throat.

Hadn’t Dr. Picani mentioned dragons earlier tonight after you’d received your fort—

You gasp. 

Of COURSE!

The Fortune!

It had been different from previous years. More vague. But maybe that was the point! Maybe there was a clue in it that would help you figure out how to finish The Path by telling you which house you needed to go to. 

You kneel right there in the middle of the sidewalk, digging through your candy bucket with one hand until you pull out the crinkled piece of paper. Using the fading light from your glowstick bracelet to again read the words.

                  As tangled as the vines may be.                   A rainbow flame can set you free.

You knew the second part quite well, having had to repeat it to Remus before he gave you the random bag of Skittles.

Well….maybe not so random after all.  

‘Legends say that only a dragon that feeds from the droplets of a rainbow can create a true rainbow flame.’ Dr. Picani had told you.

“Taste the rainbow.” You whisper, checking to make sure the bag was still in your bucket. If Skittles were the rainbow. And The Dragon Keeper had said that you needed to give sugar for flame and skittles were sugar—

It fit. 

You had the dragon. You had the large bag of Skittles. You could create the rainbow flame!

“Only if you properly feed the Beast!” Remus’s voice echoes in your head. 

Chocolate for Health. Sugar for Flame. 

You’d already given the little dragon chocolate. You lift your hand enough to peer in at the baby and smile as you see its forked tongue flickering in and out between its claws, licking up the last dark smudges into its mouth. 

Chocolate. Check.

Sugar next.

Once you found the gate that is.

And if the second part of the fortune told you that the rainbow flame would help you unlock the gate...then the first half had to be a hint as to where the gate was!

As tangled as the vines may be. 

Tangled vines….

“A place covered in vines maybe?” You wonder, shoving the paper back into your bucket as you stand. “A vine covered gate. A vine covered gate...who would have, it would probably have to be aband—”

WAIT! Your heart jumps into your throat. Wasn’t the Scrooge House--that place was covered in IVY and those were Vines weren’t they? And that gate had had a RIDDLE too!  Something about unlocking it with color? Something about teeth?

What if it wasn’t a dog guarding the key to those gates? 

But a dragon. 

“Hold on, little one.” You say to the dragon before you take off down the street, once more running flat out to get to the Scrooge House. 

You could only hope that you weren’t too late. How close was it to midnight? How much longer before Halloween ended? 

The pounding of your feet against the sidewalk echoes in your ears in a constant rhythm as you make turn after turn through quiet and empty neighborhoods.

Flames. Rainbows. Dragons.

The little dragon wiggles in your hand, poking its head out between your fingers with a loud chirp. 

“Al--mo...st there.” You gasp out, your lungs burning from how much running you’ve done tonight in the cool Autumn air. 

The dragon bobs its head in response, little ears flicking about as its tail curls around your thumb. 

You almost expect there to be something different about the house when its vine covered walls come into view. 

Yet its shadowy form, even less visible in the darkness now that the surrounding neighbors have turned off their Halloween lights, appears to be unchanged as you nearly collapse against the gate, the leaves covering it crunching under the weight of your body pressing against the cool iron bars. 

Gulping for air you pull aside the dead vines to again get a look at the faint words above the lock on the gate. 

                    Between sharp teeth it dances bright.                     Banishing all but darkest night.                     Hurry now, before it’s too late.                      Seven colors unlock my gate.

The answer seems so clear now.

Fire. 

Rainbow flames. 

You take a step back as the dragon again wiggles in your hand, its head craning towards the lock. its small wings pushing against your fingers. 

It was like the little thing knew it was needed here.  

"Hold on. Hold on. I need to get you your fire." You tell the dragon, awkwardly grabbing at the bag of Skittles with one hand.

Sugar for Flame. 

The dragon freezes, head whipping to the bag as soon as you pull it open. In the blink of an eye it frees itself from your hold and pounces, diving into the bag with a loud chirp.

‘Geez, greedy bones. You could have waited.” You tell it, shaking your head. You adjust your grip to better support the bag, listening to the dragon rustling about inside like a kid playing in a ball pit. 

You look back up to the gate. How long would it take after eating some sugar for the dragon to breathe fire? The Dragon Keeper hadn-

Whoosh. 

You jump, biting back a yelp as a small ball of fire, red and green in color, bursts from the bag.

Not that long apparently. 

“How about a little warning next time, huh?” You tell the bag, making a mental note to feed sugar to the dragon outside in the future. Still. A quick flame was definitely a good thing at this particular moment. “Alright, buddy.” You push aside the dry leaves covering the lock, tilting the bag towards it. “How about you blow some of that rainbow fire in here huh?” 

Unlock the gate. 

You smile encouragingly to the creature as the dragon pokes its head out. “You got this.” 

The dragon perks its ears, bobbing its head with a soft chirp.

“And blow.”

You’re not sure how much human speech the dragon understands, but it opens its mouth at your command, flaring out rainbow flames.

You hold your breath, heart pounding in your ears as you watch the fire hit a direct bullseye into the keyhole. 

BONG!

You jump, wincing at the loud gong like sound that seems to ring from everywhere and nowhere around you. “What the?” It nearly sounded like a giant clock ringing out the hour.

BONG! The rainbow flames vanish, the dragon disappearing back inside the bag of Skittles just as the gate lets out a screeech nearly as loud as the-

BONG!

As that.

With the lock still glowing from the heat of the flames, the gate slowly swings open, groaning like it hasn’t moved in centuries.

BONG!

The gate unlocked? Check.

BONG!

Random invisible clock tower sound chiming out the hour for some unexplain--

WAIT.

What if—-was it MIDNIGHT? 

“NO!” 

You dart inside the gates.

BONG!

No. No! NO! NO! Blood rushes in your ears as you run up the walkway towards the house. 

You were here! You’d opened the gates that had to be it right?

BONG!

Wrong. 

Nothing was happening within the yard, the house remained dark. What more—- The dragon hisses in your hands, a ball of rainbow fire rising in front of your eyes before flying towards the house.

The House.

Did you have to—-it was Still Halloween.

BONG!

You run up the path, hoping you weren’t too late, nearly tripping up the rotten wooden steps to the door. 

BONG!

Lungs burning for air you jab blindly at the doorbell, fingers brushing over the crown symbol engraved over the button. 

Ding da ring ding. 

Why the crown symbol? Wasn’t Roman the only—

BONG!

“Tri--Trick or TREAT!” You desperately call out despite the door remaining firmly closed. 

BONG!

‘Fit for a King, though not for my Brother.’ Remus’s voice again echoes in your head.

If Remus didn’t think Roman was the King...then...then was this house...did this house belong to the King? 

BONG!

You lick your lips, clutching the bag of Skittles with the dragon inside close to your chest. “Trick or Treat.” You whisper, ears ringing from the bonging. “Your Majesty?” 

You brace yourself, expecting to have your ears deafened once again.

The twelfth chime doesn’t come. 

Instead, a great bright white glow shines around the edges of the door and instinctively you dive to the side as a great beam of light, swirling with all the colors of the rainbow, bursts through the door, shattering the wood with a loud CRACK as it arcs towards the center of the yard. 

You turn in time to see eight other individual beams of light streaking through the sky towards the house. Red, Yellow, Green, Orange, Pink, Blue, Indigo, and Violet, each land in a circle around the central swirling rainbow beam, the individual colors resolving themselves into—

You gasp as Logan steps from the Indigo ray of light, followed by Virgil from the Violet, Roman from the Red, Remus from the Green, Patton from the Blue, The Dragon Keeper from the Yellow, Dr. Picani from the Pink and the Diva guy from the Orange. All of them focused on the center beam of light where another human figure was forming in the center.

You rapidly blink, trying to keep your vision clear as the last of the rainbow light swirls into the man now standing in the center of the others, a golden crown on his head, delicate opalescent fairy like wings fluttering from his back as he stands there, still as a statue, eyes closed.

Patton is the first to move, taking a step forward, his hand outstretched. “Thomas?” He calls softly and your heart aches at the longing in his voice.

  The man’s eyes flutter open and you’re surprised that they’re not rainbow in color like his wings. Instead the irises are a shade of brown that you can’t quite describe, but they’re not like any other brown color you’ve seen before. Looking into them just makes you feel...welcomed...loved. 

He-Thomas blinks, head slowly turning to Patton’s voice as the wings suddenly shut, vanishing from view. “Pat?” 

“THOMAS!” Roman and Remus cry, springing forward in the same movement followed quickly by the others, forming a giant group hug with the newcomer in the middle. 

His laughter rings in your ears, standing out clearly from the jumble of voices of the others as they all talk at once. You can’t help but grin as well at the sound, heart fluttering as you rock the little baby dragon back and forth in your hands.

It was like listening to pure sunshine. 

A shadow breaks away from the group and approaches you, holding out his hand. Virgil smiles to you, his soft angel smile even warmer now that his eyes aren’t glowing red. “You saved him.” 

The words were simple, yet you could hear his gratitude loud and clear in his voice.

Just how...how long had they been trying to get their King--this Thomas back? 

You take his hand, heat rising to your cheeks as he pulls you towards the group. “I promised I would.” You say, holding the purring dragon against your chest as the others step back, giving you a clear view of the ma--of Thomas. 

He hardly looks like a fairy king now, dressed in simple jeans and a red shirt with a gold star on it, but he gives you a warm smile when he spots you. “Hey.” He says.

“Hi.” You respond shyly, unsure whether you should bow or curtsy or add on a ‘Your Majesty’ to your greeting. The man didn’t have the crown on his head any more, yet you still feel like you’re standing in front of royalty.   

“Thomas.” Virgil gestures between the two of you. “Your Rescuerer.” 

“The Chosen One!” Roman decrees.

“And Bringer of the Juicy Appley Juice!!” Remus loudly adds, earning a laugh from Thomas that leaves you smiling from ear to ear.

He had to be some sort of angel to make you feel so happy so quickly because not even a sugar rush could give you this...this zinging feeling you’re feeling. 

“It was a lot to ask of you, Chosen One.” He says, bowing his head to you. “To give up your Halloween to...well…” He rubs the back of his neck. “Save me. But really. I’m so grateful to you for doing so. I don’t know how we, uh I can—”

It feels wrong to ask for a reward, though you know that’s what he’s offering. After all The Path had given you a baby dragon. It would be rather difficult to top that. 

You glance away to the others, seeing Logan smiling and laughing with Patton, while the Dragon Keeper was talking softly to the Diva, all of them purposefully not looking towards you and Thomas, giving you two the space to talk, even though you knew you were interrupting their reunion.

“Can I have a hug?” You ask because you can’t help but think that his hugs would be the best thing ever. 

He blinks but before you can regret your words he laughs again and nods. “Of course, I’d love to.” He holds out his arms and you quickly hand the little dragon to Virgil to avoid it being squished before you step into his warm embrace.

You smile, closing your eyes. 

You were right.

He did give the best hugs.

End. 

Taglist in Reblog

[buzzdixonwriter]

My Five Most Influential

Someone asked:   Who are the most influential writers in your life?

Good question.

The broad answer is that one gets influenced many different ways by many different sources.  I enjoy poetry and song lyrics because they find ways of conveying the strongest emotional content in the most concise manner, music brings a sense of dramatic rhythm and fulfillment, the visual arts suggest ways of subtly adding many insights to a single strong idea, etc., etc., and of course, etc. (and that is also an example of a creative influence in my work).

But…to boil it down to those whom I most consciously made an effort to emulate, we find ourselves facing five creators that primed the pump.

This is not to say others whom I began following after them didn’t wield a lot of influence (thanx, Ernie, Bert, Jack, Bob, and Hank!) but these are the foundation of everything I’ve done in my career.

(And to those who notice a lack of diversity, I know, I know…but to be honest I have to acknowledge the truth, and the truth is for whatever reason, by chance or by choice, by fate or by fortune, these five dominated my sensibilities.  I trust that I’ve grown and expanded my horizons since then, but they’re the hand I got dealt.)

. . . 

Carl Barks

I loved ducks as a kid and my grandmother and aunt would always bring me a passel of duck-related comics when they came to visit.

There were some Daffy Duck comics mixed in there but while I know I looked at and enjoyed them, none of them stick in my mind like the Donald Duck and Uncle Scrooge stories of Carl Barks.

Typically my grandmother would read these comics to me and I’d imprint the dialog and captions in my brain, replaying them as I looked at the pictures over and over again.

Barks never wrote down to his audience, and his stories covered a vast array of genres, everything from straight domestic comedy to oddball adventures to screwy crime stories.

Donald and his nephews encountered dinosaurs more than once (another big favorite of mine), and Uncle Scrooge setting out to explore the asteroid belt in order to find a new home for his fabulous money bin was another tale I loved literally to pieces, but A Christmas For Shacktown remains my all time favorite graphic novel.

I’ll concede there are better graphic novels, but none of them warm my heart the way that Christmas story does.

Barks showed it’s possible to combine heart (not to be confused with sentimentality or =yuch!= schmaltz), vivid characters, and strong, intricate narrative.  His plots where typically filled with unexpected twists and turns but his characters were always deeply involved in them, not just along for the ride.

He’s one of the greatest storytellers in the 20th century, and his work remains timeless enough to last for several centuries to come.

. . . 

Ray Bradbury

The first Ray Bradbury story I remember encountering was “Switch On The Night” in its 1955 edition, read to my kindergarten class towards the end of the school year.

This would place the event sometime in the spring of 1959.

“Switch On The Night” captivated me because it was the first story I’d ever heard that showed what could be seen in the dark that couldn’t be seen in the day.

Even as a child, it made me realize the night wasn’t scary, but contained wonders and insights we miss in the harsh glare of day.

I don’t recall if the kindergarten teacher told us the name of the author, and if she did it didn’t stick, but boy howdy, the story sure did!  Did it open the doors of the night for me, or was I already inclined to be a night person and it simply confirmed that as a valid identity?

I dunno, but I’m typing this right now at 12:24am.

And the thoughts Bradbury planted in little Buzzy boy’s brain stayed and grew and flowered, as you can read in my poem, “The Magic Hours Of The Night”.

The next time I encountered Ray Bradbury’s writing was in grammar school, certainly no later than junior high.  I was already interested in science fiction by that point, and had read “The Pedestrian” in one of my school English books (we weren’t taught the story in class; the teacher skipped over it for whatever reason but I read it anyway then re-read it and read it again and again).

Anthony Boucher’s ubiquitous 2-volume A Treasury Of Great Science Fiction was in my grammar school library and in it was Bradbury’s “Pillar Of Fire” (which I would later learn was one of his alternate Martian Chronicles and a crossover with Fahrenheit 451) and in that story he offered up a veritable laundry list of outré and outlandish fiction to be tracked down and read, authors to dig up and devour.

Oh, man, I was hooked.

So of course I began looking for all the stories and writers Bradbury listed in his short story but I also began looking for Bradbury’s own work and before you could say, “Mom, can I get a subscription to the Science Fiction Book Club?” I’d read The Golden Apples Of The Sun and A Medicine For Melancholy and R is For Rocket never once dreaming that at some point in the future the roadmap Ray plopped down in my lap would eventually lead to us being co-workers (separate projects, but the same studio at the same time) and friends.

There is a beautiful yet deceptive simplicity to Ray’s work, and even though he wrote his own book on writing (The Zen Of Writing) that has lots of good insights and professional tricks & tips, he himself wasn’t able to explain how he did it.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a good Ray Bradbury parody.

I’ve seen parodies that clearly are intended to evoke Ray Bradbury, but only in the same way a clumsy older relative might evoke Michael Jackson with a spasmodic movement one vaguely recognizes as a failed attempt at a moonwalk.

But, lordie, don’t think we didn’t try to emulate him, and while none of us fanboys ever came close, I think a lot of us did learn that less is more, that the right word carries more impact than a dozen paragraphs, and that there’s magic in even the most ordinary of things.

And of course I discovered the film and TV adaptations of his work, and in discovering them I also discovered that there are some things that just can’t be translated from one media to another, and that the light, effortless appeal of Ray’s work on the page (paper or pixel) can at best be recaptured with a good audio book reader but even the best dramatic adaptions -- even those by Ray himself -- are cold dead iron butterflies compared to the light and lively creatures flying about.

So eventually I stopped trying to write like him, and instead picked up the valuable lessons of mood and emotion making an impact on a story even if the plot didn’t make much logical sense.

Decades later I would become a fan of opera, and would learn the philosophy of all opera lovers:  Opera doesn’t have to make logical sense, it just has to make emotional sense.

Ray Bradbury, opera meister.

. . . 

H.P. Lovecraft

As noted above, Bradbury’s “Pillar Of Fire” tipped me to numerous other writers, first and foremost of which turned out to be Howard Phillips Lovecraft.

Okay, before we get any further into this, let’s acknowledge the woolly mammoth in the room:  H.P. Lovecraft was a colossal asshat racist.

He was a lot of other terrible things, too, but racist is far and ahead of the rest of the pack.

It’s a disillusioning thing to find people one admired as a youngster or a teen later prove to have not just quirks and eccentricities and personal flaws, but genuinely destructive, harmful, and offensive characters.

I’ve posted on that before, too.

How I wish it were possible to retroactively scale back that hurtfulness, to make them more empathetic, less egregiously offensive (in the military sense of the word), but that ain’t so.

We have to acknowledge evil when we see it, and we have to call it out, and we have to shun it.

Which is hard when one of its practitioners provides a major influence in our creative lives.

Here’s what I liked about Lovecraft as a kid:  He was the complete opposite of Ray Bradbury.

Bradbury’s instinctive genius was in finding the right word, the simple word that conveyed great impact on the story, drawing the reader into the most fantastic situations by making them seem more familiar on a visceral level.

Lovecraft achieved the exact opposite effect by finding the most arcane, bedizened, baroque, florid, grandiloquent, overwrought, rococo verbiage possible and slapping the reader repeatedly in the face with it.

If Bradbury made the unreal real, Lovecraft made the weird even more weirder.

And let’s give this devil his due:  The Strange Case Of Charles Dexter Ward and The Dunwich Horror are two masterpieces of horror and serve as the bridge between Edgar Allen Poe and Stephen King, not to mention his creation of Cthulhu and other ancient entities existing beyond the ken of human knowledge…

…oh, wait, that’s where the story simultaneously gets messy yet provides a convenient escape hatch for fans.

While Lovecraft created Cthulhu, he did not create the Cthulhu Mythos.

That was primarily the invention August Derleth, a writer / editor / agent and H.P. Lovecraft’s #1 fanboy.

Lovecraft had some loosely related ideas in his stories and several themes he revisited repeatedly (in addition to racism).

He also had a circle of fellow writers -- including such heavy hitters as Robert “Psycho” Bloch and Robert E. “Conan” Howard -- who picked up on his ideas and, as way of a tribute, incorporated them in some of their stories.

Derleth took all this and Lovecraft’s unfinished manuscripts and short ideas he jotted down and turned it into a whole post-mortem industry, linking all of Lovecraft and other writers’ tales.

And he did a damn fine job of it, too.

So much so that the Cthulhu Mythos has taken on a life of its own, and pretty much anybody can play in that cosmic sandbox now (including Big Steve King and a ton of Japanese anime) and so Lovecraft’s works have an enormous influence on pop culture…

,,,but Howard hizzowndamsef can be -- and is -- cancelled.

Derleth and various biographers downplayed Lovecraft’s virulent racism for decades, and I don’t think Ray Bradbury was ever aware of the scope and tenor of Lovecraft’s bigotry when he name checked him in “Pillar Of Fire” and other stories.

In a similar vein Bradbury didn’t know -- because thanks again to overly protective literary executors, nobody knew -- just how big a racist asshat Walt Whitman was, either.  It is one thing to call shenanigans on a Bill Cosby or a Harvey Weinstein or a Donald Trump because their egregious behaviors were noted long before they were held accountable, but quite another to do so on a creator who died while hiding their most awful behavior from thousands if not millions of fans who felt inspired and uplifted by their work.

It’s one thing to call out a contemporary bigot and not support them by not buying their work, it’s quite another when their bigotry has been shielded from view and fair minded, decent people have used their work to draw inspiration into their own creativity.

Of course, I had no way of knowing all this when I was in junior high and seriously began tracking down Lovecraft’s work.  

He possessed a flair of the horrific and unearthly that to this day is hard to match (but easier to parody).  He was a tremendous influence on my early writing (truth be told, I zigzagged between Bradbury’s stark simplicity and Lovecraft’s overarching verbosity, giving my early oeuvre a rather schizophrenic style) and the ideas he sparked still reverberate to this day.

If only he hadn’t been such a giant %#@&ing asshat racist …

. . . 

Harlan Ellison

In a way, I’m glad neither Harlan nor his widow Susan are alive to read this.

I cherished Harlan as a friend and greatly admired his qualities as a writer.

But damn, by his own admission he should have been thrown in prison for aggravated assault on numerous occasions (he was courts martialed three times while in the Army).

We’re not talking about arguments that spiraled out of control until a few wild punches were thrown, we’re talking about Harlan by his own admission stalking and ambushing people, knocking them unconscious or causing grievous bodily harm.

We’re talking about sexual abuse and humiliation.

We’re talking about incidents he admitted to which if true put people in life threatening situations.

And yet ironically, in a certain sense Harlan (a bona fide Army Ranger, BTW) was like the U.S. Marine Corps:  You’d never have a greater friend or a worse enemy.

I became dimly aware of Harlan in the late 1960s as I started diving deeper into literary sci-fi, transitioning from monster kid fandom to digests and paperbacks.  Harlan first caught my attention with his macho prose (years later a similar style also drew me to Charles Bukowski) in stories like “Along the Scenic Route” (a.k.a. “Dogfight on 101”) in which Los Angelinos engaged in Mad Max motor mayhem but soon it became apparent the macho posturing was just a patina, that the heart and soul of much of the work reflected great sensitivity and often profound melancholy (ditto Bukowski).

Harlan was a fighter, and again by his own admission, he acknowledged in his later years that he was not a fighter because his cause was just, but rather sought out just causes because he knew he would be fighting regardless of his position, yet possessed a strong enough moral compass to point himself in the direction of a worthy enemy…

…most of the time.

He hurt and offended a large number of innocent and some not-so-innocent-but-certainly-not-evil people.

He also helped and encouraged a large number of others, people who had no idea who he was, people who had no way of adequately reciprocating his kindness and generosity.

He defended a lot of defenseless people.

He also mistakenly defended a lot of terrible people.

If someone tells me Harlan was a monster, I’ll agree:  Monstre sacré.

What made his writing sacred was that no matter how outlandish the situation, Harlan dredged up from the depths emotions so strong as to be frightening in their depiction.

Skilled enough not to lose sight of humanity, outlandish enough to conjure up ideas and emotions most people would shy away from, Harlan hit adolescent Buzzy boy like an incendiary grenade.

Unlike my first three literary influences, Harlan was and remained active in the fannish circles where I was circulating at the time.  He regularly wrote letters and columns for various fanzines, including a few I subscribed to.

In a literary sense he stood, naked and unashamed, in full view of the world, and that willingness to go beyond mundane sensibilities is what made his work so compelling.

He certainly fired me up as an adolescent writer, and proved an amalgam of Bradbury and Lovecraft that got my creative juices flowing in a coherent direction.

I don’t think I ever consciously tried to imitate him in my writing, but I sure learned from him, both in how to charge a story with emotion and how to fight for what’s right regardless of the blow back.

I loved him as a friend.

But, damn, Harlan…you could act so ugly...

. . .

H. Allen Smith

Who?

Most of you have never heard of H. Allen Smith, and that’s a damn shame.

I’d never heard of him either until I stumbled across a coverless remaindered copy of Poor H. Allen Smith’s Almanac in a Dollar General Store bin in Tennessee in the late 1960s (it was a memorable shopping expedition:  I also purchased Thomas Heggen’s Mister Roberts and Let’s Kill Uncle by Rohan O'Grady [pen name of June Margaret O'Grady Skinner]).

Reading Smith’s editorial comments (in addition to his own essays and fiction he edited numerous humor anthologies) I realized I’d found a kindred soul.

Smith had a very conversational tone as a writer; his prose seemed off the cuff and unstructured, but he slyly used that style to hide the very peculiar (and often perverse) path he led readers down.

He sounded / read like a garrulous guy at the bar, one with a huge number of charming, witty (and delightfully inebriated) friends in addition to his own bottomless well of tall tales, pointed observations, and rude jokes.

Of all the writers mentioned above, that style is the one I most consciously tried to emulate, and one I seem to have been able to find my own voice in (several people have told me I write the same way I talk, a rarity among writers).

Smith was hilarious whether wearing an editor’s visor or a freelancer’s fool’s cap.  If you know who H. L. Mencken was, think of Smith as a benign, better tempered version of that infamous curmudgeon (and if you don’t know, hie thee hence to Google and find out).

Compared to my other four influences, Smith didn’t need to add the fantastic to his fiction:  The real world was weird and wacky and whimsical enough.

A newspaper man turned best selling author, Smith became among the most popular humorists of the 1940s-50s-60s…

…and then he died and everybody forgot him.

Part of the reason they forgot is that he wrote about things that no longer seem relevant (TV cowboys of the early television era, f’r instance, in Mr. Zip) or are today looked upon askance (and with justifiable reason; the ethnic humor in many of his anthologies may not have been intended as mean spirited, but it sure doesn’t read as a celebration of other cultures, viz his succinct account of an argument following a traffic accident between two native Honolulu cabbies rendered in pidgin:  “Wassamatta you?”  “’Wassmatta me’?!?!?  Wassamatta you ‘Wassamatta me’?  You wassamatta!”).

I’m sure I picked up a great many faults from Smith, but Smith also had the virtue of being willing and able to learn and to make an effort to be a better person today than he was yesterday, and better still tomorrow.

I’ve certainly tried applying that to my life.

Smith’s style was also invoked -- consciously or not -- by other writers and editors, notably Richard E. Geis, the editor of the legendary sci-fi semi-prozone, Science Fiction Review (among other titles).  Smith died before I could meet him, but while I never met Dick Geis face to face we were pen pals for over 40 years.

Geis certainly sharpened specific aspects of my writing style, but the real underlying structure came from H. Allen Smith.

Smith’s work is hard to find today (in no small part because whenever I encounter one in the wild I snap it up) but I urge you to give him a try.

Just brace yourself for things we might consider incorrect today.

. . . 

So there’s my top five. 

With the exception of Carl Barks and Ray Bradbury, none of them are without serious flaw or blemish (though Smith seems like a decent enough sort despite his fondness for X-rated and ethnic humor).

In my defense as an impressionable child / teen, I was not aware of these flaws and blemishes when I first encountered their writing (primarily because in many cases efforts were made to hide or downplay those aspects).

The positive things I gleaned from them are not negated by the negative personal information that came out later.

I can, for the most part re the more problematic of them, appreciate their work while not endorsing their behavior.

Ellison can only be described in extremes, but his fire and passion -- when directed in a positive direction -- served as a torch to light new paths (his two original anthologies, Dangerous Visions and Again, Dangerous Visions, pretty much blew the doors off old school sci-fi and belatedly dragged the genre kicking and screaming into the 20th century).

Lovecraft I can effectively ignore while finding entertainment value in the Cthulhu Mythos.

But I must acknowledge this isn’t the same for everyone.

For example, as innocuous as I find H. Allen Smith, if a woman or a member of a minority group said, “I found this in particular to be offensive” I’d probably have to say, yeah, you’re right.

But I can still admire the way he did it, even if I can no longer fully support what he did.

. . . 

By the time I reached high school, I’d acquired enough savvy to regard to literary finds a bit more dispassionately, appreciating what they did without trying to literally absorb it into my own writing.

I discovered for myself the Beat generation of writers and poets, the underground cartoonists of the late 60s and 70s, Ken Kesey, Joseph Heller, Philip K. Dick, Ursula K. LeGuin, and a host of others, some already alluded to.

Some, such as the Beats and Bukowski, I could enjoy for their warts and all honest self-reflection.

Yes, they were terrible people, but they knew they were terrible people, and they also knew there had to be something better, and while they may never have found the nirvana they sought, they at least sent back accurate reports of where they were in their journeys of exploration.

By my late teens, I’d become aware enough of human foibles and weaknesses -- every human’s foibles and weaknesses, including my own -- to be very, very cautious in regarding an individual as admirable.

While I will never accept creativity as an excuse for bad behavior, if a creator is honest enough and self-introspective enough to recognize and acknowledge their own failings, it goes a long way towards my being willing to enjoy their work without feeling I’m endorsing them as individuals.

It’s not my place to pass judgment or exoneration on others bad behavior.

It is my place to see that I don’t emulate others’ bad behavior.

Every creator is connected to their art, even if it’s by-the-numbers for-hire hack work.

Every creator puts something of themselves into the final product.

And every member of the audience must decide for themselves if that renders the final product too toxic to be enjoyed. 

    © Buzz Dixon

[shewhowantsmouseears]

yandere magicstone/badstone AU

Well, the people demanded, so here it is. Went for a first person POV, as I felt it suited the piece best. Takes place in a fantasy AU like medieval england and such. It’s pretty dark, but I hope someone likes it.

All eyes turned toward me as I walked inside, and I resisted the urge to slam the door behind me to draw further attention. Of course everyone was looking at me, that was part of the luck. Their interest would spark, eager gossip would begin, and soon the favors would pile up. Usually I'd soak at all, but after what I'd just seen, after what I just witnessed, I wanted to be left alone.

But this was the only place in the village with decent ale.

I took a seat in the corner, hoping that the space I'd chosen would signal others to back off. I only had to wait three seconds before I heard a startled employee declare “We have to use how much by the end of the month?! That's insane! Just... start handing out free drinks, we'll figure it out later.” After that, I silently waved a man down, and only said, “Your strongest.”

It was difficult to ignore the talk all around me and all about me, and eventually I couldn't.

“My my, who's the handsome fellow all by himself?”

“You don't know? You must be new around these parts. Fellow's Gladstone Gander, luckiest man to have ever lived!”

“I'll say – I once saw him fetch a whole diamond out of the river when he was just looking for a pebble to skip!”

“They say he was born lucky. His entire village was destroyed by witches – and he was the sole survivor!”

“No! You're serious?”

“Wiped off the entire map, for sure. I hear he's part fae – explains all his good fortune.”

The fae part was new, and I snorted hard, considering the irony of what I knew. My drink came fast, and I downed the entire glass in one gulp before demanding another. Tasted like swill, compared to the stuff I've tasted in the liar of the witches. But I couldn't go back there. Not now. Not like this. I needed time to think.

“Oooh, Gladstone!” A melodic voice strolled up beside me, some woman whose name I've long since forgotten, they all blend together after a while. “I was just thinking about you. My husband is out of town, y'know, and I was thinking-”

“Leave me alone.” I was in no mood.

Girl was as dumb as she was pretty. “Awww, honey, what's the matter? Let me-”

As she tried to touch my shoulder, I grabbed her by the wrist, fingers digging in deep. “I said... leave me alone.” She looked like she saw death itself replace my features, and when I let go, she scrambled away as fast as she could. The chatter around me slammed to a halt, as none of them had ever seen me lose my temper before. After all, why should the world's luckiest man be angry about anything?

I looked down into my empty glass, seeing my blurry reflection look back at me. I wonder... if I knew back then what I would have endured, would I still have gone through with the deal that took my soul?

To start with, I was not born lucky. If anything, I was lucky to be born at all. The man who is by all technical means my father hit the road the second he realized he wasn't going to get a dime out of my great-uncle's fortune. What did he care that he'd leave an unwed mother to be ostracized by her peers? My mother, proud idiot of a woman, refused to take charity. Because of that, I was raised in a dingy little cabin with rags for clothing and nights without supper.

It's true, Scrooge McDuck was so rich beyond imagination that he even owned a castle atop a hill, with some of his closest relatives living with him. If my mother had simply taken me and moved, maybe the old man would've taken us in. But, no, this was our home, she'd say, with a smile on her face as she chopped firewood with tired, aching hands. “If you keep taking from people, you'll never learn how to give.” She'd tell me, tenderly running her fingers through my golden hair. “Chin up, my love, good luck is just around the corner.”

If it was around the corner, it never felt like coming over. The elders would glare at us as we passed, whispering words of shame and humiliation. Housewives would give us sympathy and offer their aide, but the moment our backs were turned, laughed at our poverty and were thankful they weren't in our shoes. One memory sticks out to me now – mother managing to save what little coin we had to buy me a small teddy bear. It was a hideous thing, but it was all I have, so I loved it to death, carrying it everywhere. It was my only friend.

I was playing near the lake, imagining a grand quest with knights and dragons, when I was shoved from behind into the water. When I got up, there stood a rabble of boys, the leader was the son of our village head. “Look, everyone, Gladdy's a mermaid!” They laughed.

I kept my mouth shut, knowing by now anything I said could be twisted into further embarrassment. I tried to stand up, clutching my bear to my chest, and that's when one boy said, “Look at that ugly teddy! It's Gladdy's twin brother!”

The leader squinted, then nodded in approval. “I want it. Give it here, Gladdy.”

Startled, I finally spoke. “What? No! This is mine! Mama bought it for me.”

“I said give it,” the boy demanded again. “I want it, so give it to me.”

“No!” I tried to make a run for it, but I slipped on the mud and fell face-first, making the small crowd howl with laughter. The leader wretched the toy from my fingers, despite my begging and pleading. “Why? Why are you doing this?”

He tilted his head, puzzled at such an inquiry. “Because I want it, stupid Gladdy.” It was a child's logic, but thinking on it now, it's one that many adults also carry. “It's your own fault for not giving it to me. You should just shut up and die.” He kicked me in the ribs, and with his prize, walked off with his friends. I laid there for a while, crying and hating him and myself and the whole world. When I finally got up and told my mother, she promised she'd get it back, and went to talk to the boy's mother.

It went about as well as can be expected.

“Are you calling my boy a thief?”

“I – I didn't say that, exactly, it's just, my son-”

“I don't know what kind of brat you're raising but my child knows better than to steal!”

“Please, if we could just have the teddy...”

“Get off my property! You ever say another thing about my baby, I'll have them toss you behind bars!”

One promise broken, one of many, and my mother held me close to her chest, saying once more, “Chin up, my love, good luck is just around the corner.”

Well, when was it getting here?! Many similar thefts occurred, every time I acquired something decent, such as a pair of nice shoes or an apple I plucked from the orchard. It was if the village believed we didn't deserve anything at all. The only time I knew peace were two occasions.

One was the visit from distant relatives – my cousins Donald and Della, and their parents. One look at them and you knew they were better off, with proper clothes and no bags under their eyes or thin ribs poking out. Once every few months, they'd come to say hello, drop off a few treats, tell us of Scrooge's latest acquisition. The twins and I would play in the meadow, with Della warning us to stay away from fairy rings and Donald using twigs as knightly swords. The entire village would put on fake smiles and treat us like royalty – no doubt terrified that if Scrooge knew the truth, he'd make them suffer for it. But mother wouldn't tell our family the truth, insisting things would work out, one way or another. But the moment they were gone, we were scorned once again, a fresh heap of mud thrown at my face.

The other place that gave me respite was the church. Not too many people believed in the gods those days, but even so, they were hesitant to give me trouble behind the stone walls. The father wasn't exactly kind, but he didn't give me any lip or condemn my existence, so he was better than most. It was said that within the church laid a sacred treasure, and one day, it was my birthday, one I shared with my mother, merely out of curiosity's sake, I asked the father what it was..

“It is our protection,” he said, closing the holy book after another sermon to no one. “Centuries ago, this land was a host for witches.” He paused here, seeing my look of disbelief. I was an older boy by then, eighteen, and the idea of fairies and witches was ludicrous, especially an adult believing in them. “Aye, it's true. For millennia, they have been at war with the mystic fae, and we mortals paid the price. But one of our ancestors managed to find one of the witches relics, and sealed it up locking away its power. Then we had the entire land blessed in water from the fae, and kept them out. To this day, that is why no witch can come to our land to take their revenge.”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. But the day he told me that story was really when everything started to fall apart – or, come together, if you look at it another way. I opted to leave sooner than usual, not wanting to catch the father's insanity. As a result, I came home earlier than my mother expected. As I approached the front door, I hear the sound of something breaking, and paused. Mother was usually extremely careful with our possessions, given that we had so few of them to begin with.

“Who does he think he is?” My mother's voice no longer had that glint of hope and honey. Instead, it was slurred with drink. “Saddling me with this useless child! Gods above, I get no peace! Not even on my own day of birth, I have to be reminded of him! Whatever did I do to deserve this? I'd have been better off selling the babe! Wretched thing with his father's eyes. That boy is nothing but bad luck!”

I stood there for a long time, listening to my mother's true feelings, and for some reason I felt no surprise. Perhaps for some time I had sensed she was wearing a mask, using it to conceal her utter hatred at me and herself. Well then... what was the point of staying here any longer? If an entire village wanted me gone, then, so be it. I waited until the “usual” time I should've been home, and my mother greeted me with a false smile, asking how the church was. I said nothing, and she didn't press further.

That night I stole what was left our money and headed out. It was her own fault for having me. I headed to the very outskirts of the village, unsure where to go and what to do. Anywhere had to be better than here. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings, but I suppose it wouldn't have mattered if I saw them coming – the next thing I knew I was being slammed against a tree, a hand to my throat. “Lovely night for a walk, eh?”

Just my luck to be accosted by three beagle-faced bandits. One kept his hold on me, a second picked my pockets, and the third was picking his teeth with a knife. “I don't believe this,” the second one, the shortest, grumbled. “This'll barely get us a drink at the pub!”

“Maybe we can chop off his hair and sell it.” The third, the tallest, offered.

“Maybe we can chop off his head and sell it.” The first one suggested, and it was difficult to tell if he was joking or not.

“Please,” I begged, legs kicking out, unsure to who I was pleading to. “Take my money, just let me go! I won't tell a soul, just let me go!”

“Sorry, you've already seen us,” The third one handed the knife to his brother. “Maybe in the next life, you won't have such rotten luck.”

The first beagle raised his knife, ready to end things, and for a brief moment, I almost welcomed it. But, at last, at long last, I had a spot of good fortune, in the most unusual of places.

“What in all blazes is that?” The short one suddenly said, pointing off into the distance.

All heads turned, mine included. It was difficult to see at first, but then the clouds parted, and bright moonlight shone down on the dark carriage making its way along the dirt road. Carriages weren't rare, but this one was black and red, curtains hung low to make sure no one could see inside, and even the horses were darkly colored, their eyes gleaming demonic colors. Alongside the carriage were two riders atop their steeds, covered in robes that hid their bodies, save for a featureless white mask on their faces. It was an odd sight, to be sure. The carriage didn't even have a driver! How were the horses to know where to go?

“Forget this lump,” the shortest one declared, “Whoever's in there has to be stinking rich! Hurry up!” I was dropped like a hot potato, and the three eagerly raced to the carriage, dropping my coins and scattering them on the ground.

I sat up dizzily, but instead of picking up my money, I watched in stupefied awe. The riders were thrown off their horses, but they didn't offer any resistance, nor make any sound. All the horses came to a silent stop, standing so rigidly they didn't even appear to be breathing. The short one was the leader, and he threw open the door. “All right, hand over everything you've got, and-”

That was all he got out before there was a crackle of lightning – but not from the sky. It came from within the carriage itself, stabbing the man in the chest, and sent him flying. When he landed, his chest was still smoking. The eldest brother cried out in horror, running to fetch the fallen. The cloaked riders now began to stand up, and held out their arms, murmuring in an tongue I couldn't understand. The earth shook, and the roots of the trees sprang up from the ground, entangling the beagles and muffling their screams.

I didn't know if they were dying. Can't say that I cared. All I knew was what I witnessed wasn't mortal, and whatever these people were, they were more powerful than anyone could fathom. They could only be one thing.

“Witches!” I breathed, before getting to my feet. “You're witches, aren't you?”

The masked ones glanced in my direction, but then ignored me, going back to their horses. The carriage door began to close, but I ran ahead, flailing my lanky arms and shouting as loudly as I could. “Wait, wait! I can help you! I can – I can – I can get you back your relic! The one inside the village, I'll give it to you!”

Looking back on it now, it's a little amazing how fast the idea how came to me. How little hesitance I had. But if I didn't act then, I'd lose the chance forever. The masked ones stayed silent, but then I heard movement within the carriage. The door swung open quietly, and the woman inside, the one who had cast the lightning, stepped out.

She was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen. Even now, I don't think the right words have been invented to accurately describe her. Not that flowing raven hair with streaks of violet, the alluring yellow cat-like eyes, a body so sleek and slim it was almost hypnotic. At the time, she was a good head taller than I was, and only when I felt the wind on my tongue did I realize my jaw had dropped. I quickly shut my mouth, feeling my entire face redden. In one of her hands was a staff with a round orb atop, and she lightly strummed her fingers on it, studying me, analyzing me.

“And here I thought this was going to be a dull night,” she mused, a sensuous voice that felt like a snake slithering all around me. “What is your wish, boy?”

“My wish?” I repeated foolishly, still starstruck by the goddess in front of me, and having completely forgotten what I said in the first place.

“I sincerely doubt you're going to hand over your village's priceless treasure for nothing.” She raised an eyebrow. “So, tell me. What wish shall I grant in exchange for the relic? If it is within my power, I give you my word I will grant it... so long as I get what I desire.”

What I wanted? I tried to think. Money would be nice, but all money could be spent eventually. My bed to be warmed with beautiful women? A nice thought, but not something I could do all day. My mind raced, trying to think of a wish that wouldn't run out, a wish I could enjoy, a wish that would make life worth living – and then I remembered dear mother's words.

Chin up, my love, good luck is just around the corner.

“Luck.” I said, my heart racing. “If I give you relic, I want you to make me lucky for the rest of my life. Ever since I was born, I've known nothing but misfortune and misery... so make it that I never know them again! Make it so I never have to work, never have to plead to anyone ever again!” With each word I said, my voice became angrier, my fists clenched, and I knew this was a wish I was entitled to.

The witch's eyes widened, and she rubbed her lips with her thumb, mulling. “What you ask is most bizarre... I've never heard of magic capable of such things.”

I swallowed. “Does that mean you can't do it?”

She chuckled, and then I felt her fingers under my chin, cold as ice and yet I didn't want it to stop. “Oh, I never said that. It will merely require some time, and a lot of creativity on my part. Give me your name, boy.”

“Gladstone.” And I kept it at that. If I didn't have a father, and I didn't want my mother, what good was a last name?

She accepted this. “Very well, servant. When the full moon once again touches the skies, I will return. You have until then to get the relic. If you free it, I will grant your wish.” Her fingers moved down, and a shock went through my nerves, before I found her thumb pressed to my throat. “However... if you dare try to trick or lie to me, I will find a way to make your every waking second sheer torture.”

I didn't think my life could get much worse than it already was, but at the same time I didn't doubt her ability. “I give you my word, my lady.”

She laughed at that, pulling her hand away. “Lady! That's a new one.” She then waved to the masks, who climbed atop their horses. She stepped back in the carriage – it was so dark inside I could only make out her captivating eyes. A part of me wanted to jump inside the carriage. “Don't disappoint me, servant.”

The door closed, and they were off. Once I could no longer see the carriage in the horizon, I slowly picked up the coins that had been dropped, and walked back into the village. As tempting as it was to think the whole thing was a dream, I'd been given an opportunity and I wasn't going to waste it. The full moon was one month away, and I needed to get to work.

I put my mother's money back where it belonged and she never suspected a thing. I then went to the church, and begged the father to work there, telling myself this would be the last time I ever begged to anyone. He conceded, and I started by sweeping the floors and cleaning the windows. I stayed in the church for as long as I was allowed, even eating my meals and sometimes sleeping there. I played the part of a loyal follower, and the father's wrinkled face became less pensive around me. My devotion to the gods touched some part of him, and there were days he came to me with a fresh loaf of bread, an appreciative pat on the back, even a rare smile.

“I'm glad you could find your serenity here,” he once said, when he bought me a new pair of shoes, noted how scuffed mine were. “The gods will reward your work... and if they're busy, I will.” He weaved me tales of battles between fae and witch, of their ruling queens and the differences of their magics. He offered to let me read a sermon to the suffering townsfolk, and slipped an extra coin in my pocket when I wasn't looking.

The night of the full moon, I asked to see the relic.

He hesitated initially, but relented easily enough, taking me down into the cellar past three locked doors. There it stood on an altar – a large white marble with black cracks formed around it. “This is our village's protection,” he said, allowing me to step forward to see it better. “I am getting old, Gladstone. Someday, it will need a new man to protect it. I believe you are that man.”

I looked at him, then I looked at the marble, and thought about my wish, and what it really meant, and what it would cost.

I grabbed it and bashed the old man's skull with it.

I then ran outside of the church, it had started raining. I didn't get very far before I slipped in the mud, and for a split second I was back in my childhood with the mocking children who stole my teddy, my most precious thing in the world, and here I was, doing the same. And I didn't care. I sat up, and saw that my landing space was next to some well-timed sharp rocks. I lifted the marble – apparently I didn't hit the old man as hard as I thought, as in the distance I could hear him calling my name – and I began to smash it over and over and over again.

It took five times before it finally split apart in two perfect halves. Inside was a tiny piece of silver, no bigger than a fingernail. The white marble began to dissolve, and the rain stopped. I looked up, and saw that the black clouds were suddenly swirling around together, faster than they should've been able to do, and then the darkness made its way toward the ground, turning into a flurry of bats and spiders, and with one loud, awful, cracking sound, the blackness exploded, and there stood the witch.

She wasn't alone – the masked ones were there as well, but so were old hags, gorgeous young women, deranged men, cackling children, witches and warlocks of all shapes and sizes. Villagers opened their doors and windows to see what all the noise was, and their gasps of surprise turned into screams of panic. The witch - my witch, my savior – calmly walked towards me, and picked up the piece of silver. “Good to have you back.” she said to it, then nodded once to her followers.

They suddenly began attacking the villagers, shoving them down into the dirt, restraining them, and injuring those who put up a fight. Houses were being burned, and stolen goods were being tossed together. I remembered who I was and what I was doing, and tried to get to my feet. “My wish!” I demanded, “I gave you what you wanted, now give me my wish!”

One of the elder witches smacked me upside the head with her wooden staff. “Show some respect, mortal! One your knees! You dare speak to the queen herself?”

I blinked once, blinked twice, blinked three times before I understood, and the queen chuckled, waving a dismissive hand. “Come now, how do you expect them to know?” She enjoyed my surprise, and made an overly-theatrical bow. “I am Magica De Spell, Queen of the Covenant. And worry not, I shall grant you your wish, a luck that will last your eternal life. However...” She held up a finger, delaying my joy. “This is a magic that will require much more than the relic. A lucky life lasts longer than an unlucky one... to ensure this lasts you all of your life, I must be able to keep watch over you always. You will give me your heart, your soul, your name, all of it in service to me. You will be my servant until your last breath is drawn. As for where this luck will come from...”

She then gestured all around her, to the fire and destruction and death she had brought forth. “You will take the luck that every single villager here has, and every bit of luck they would have had in the future. You will trade their lives for yours.” She then held out her hand, waiting for me. “Do we have a deal?”

I stared at her hand, and in what had to be the timing of bad luck, I heard the cries of my mother. There she was, captured by a pair of identical twins who were having fun with her hair. “Gladstone! Help me!” She screamed, trying to reach for me. “Please! I'm your mother, help me! HELP ME, DAMN YOU!”

I watched her, and smiled.

“Tough luck, mother.” I took Magica's hand. It was still cold, so unnaturally cold, and if it was up to me, I never would have let her go.

Her fingernails pierced my skin, and she closed her eyes, colors beginning to swirl all around us.

“I take thy name, I take thy soul,

By my hand you live, by my hand you grow old,

From lady's luck you shall always drink,

I case thee now – THE SIGN OF THE TRIPLE DISTELFINK!”

I thought I saw three birds of beautiful plumage arise from the smog around us, but they were snakes, and the plunged their sharp fangs into my skin, and I felt poison in my veins, so blazing hot I thought I would melt, but despite all the pain I felt, I kept my eyes open as long as I could so I could see Magica, Magica, my Magica.

But I blacked out.

When I woke up, the sun was out, and the village was gone. There wasn't even a single blade of grass to be found. It was as if nothing had ever existed here. I laid there for a moment or two, and then got up. Where was I supposed to start my new life? I still wore only rags, still had no money to my name. I frowned, and then walked, back to the outskirts where everything had started. When would my luck begin?

Turns out, it didn't take very long. I found myself back at the place where I had been robbed – and found two of the same robbers again, this time threatening an older man and a pretty red-head. The third wasn't there – perhaps dead, for all I knew. The girl was weeping, the father trying to protect her, and I felt an urge to sneeze.

The beagles looked up, and saw me – they recognized me, and apparently I was synonymous with that horrifying night, as one look was all it took for them to flee in fright. The victims were as surprised as I were, and the girl broke into relieved tears. “Oh, you saved us!”

“I did?” I asked, because it sure didn't seem that way to me.

“You have my gratitude, dear boy!” The man said, taking my had and shaking it vigorously.

“He must be rewarded, Papa!” The girl insisted.

“I couldn't agree more, Lulubelle. What do you want, grand hero of ours?”

Unused to such praise, I scratched my head. “Ah... well, I just wanted to get to the next village.”

The old man was surprised. “Why, we were just on our way there ourselves! What a fine coincidence. Come, you'll ride with us.” Their carriage wasn't too far away, plush and overly decorative. Once I was inside, they overwhelmed me with thanks again, Lulubelle snuggling up to my arm. I was so stunned I just let them keep talking, not saying much myself.

The next village over was a farming community, and as it turned out, the old man was wealthy, his daughter single, and the town generous. I was rewarded with a new wardrobe, and a place to stay in his lofty mansion. Rumors spread about my heroism, and is the way of passing words, became exaggerated into full-blown lies. I saw no reason to correct them. For the next few days, I enjoyed life more than the  years I ever had at home. Wherever I went, fortune followed. Finding money on the ground, shopkeepers finding themselves with extra wares, the weather perfect wherever I napped. I never lifted a finger, never broke a sweat. Lulubelle's father offered me a job sorting out his paperwork, and Lulubelle herself offered sweet kisses and tender embraces. Any ordinary man would have stayed here and lived comfortably for the rest of their natural existence.

But I wasn't ordinary, and I was soon reminded of that.

One week after I arrived, I was changing into my nightrobes and ready to settle into sleep, and I took a last glance at the mirror – only to see Magica's reflection instead. I nearly jumped out of my skin. “What the-?!”

“I have need of you, servant.” She said, ignoring my startled outburst.

“But... I gave you the relic,” I replied, looking around to make sure the door was closed. “Wasn't that our deal?”

“Did you already forget the fine print?” She asked, crossing her arms in annoyance. “The relic was for giving you good luck. Keeping it means you work for me.”

I slowly sat on the bed, recalling what it was she told me. “How do I do that, exactly?” I was torn – afraid of what she would ask of me, pleased that I was a part of her. I felt that if she asked me to carve out my own heart for her, I'd do it right away. “Is there another ancient witch tool you need to find?”

“Hardly anything so complicated. I just need you to kill the man of the house.”

I felt the very earth sink underneath me. I tried to parrot the question back to her, but found no voice. After a few attempts, I made a guess. “And... if I don't... my luck is gone.”

She snapped her fingers. “Just like that.” Her hand slid out of the mirror, and dropped a violet knife on the night table. I felt fear within my bones. The old man had never done me harm, and Lulubelle was pure as fresh silk. And now I was expected to ruin them both.  “Once the deed is done, fetch me proof of his dead. Then go to the forest, and mark a tree with this knife.” Is this how the rest of my life would be? Betraying anyone who showed me a drop of kindness? I almost denied her. “It will allow you to come to me whenever you wish.”

All my doubts and hesitation vanished with one sentence. “Whenever... I wish?” I felt a delirious grin come across my mouth. I could see her whenever I wanted? I could gaze upon her beauty when I needed it? Now that I was gifted to have whatever I wanted, it became an insatiable lust. All my wants had been granted – and I wanted her, wanted her, wanted her so badly I could scream. Every night I spent with Lulubelle I saw Magica instead, felt her cold skin mesh with me, and every dream had those cat-eyes gaze into me.

“It would do me no good if my servant couldn't reach me.” She replied. “You have your orders.” And she was gone.

I stood up, and picked up the knife, twisting it in my hand. It seemed ordinary, save for the odd color. I had never taken a life before, never even killed an animal. I had hit the priest, but it was to get him out of the way. Then again, I hadn't much cared whether he died or lived. Would it be the same to the man who was practically grooming me to be his future son-in-law?

In short, yes. Yes it was. How unlucky for him that he tripped down the stairs. How lucky for me that no one saw me push him.

Lulubelle was devastated, and took solace in my arms. She never saw the knife in my pocket, or the hair I had cut from the man's head. The next night as the town mourned, I headed into the woods, and stabbed the first tree I saw with the knife. The tree shook, and a black door appeared. I went inside without thinking, and found myself within the depths of an ancient castle teeming with witches and warlocks. They all glared at me, much like the villagers of my home did, but they did nothing to me. My feet found themselves walking forward to the throne room, and there sat Magica.

This time, I remembered to show reverence. I went down on one knee, took a fistful of her dress to kiss, and offered the hair. She chuckled, pleased. “Excellent work, servant. I think this deal will work out very nicely for the both of us.”

I moved onto the next village, and the next, and for years this was my life. Not every town had something Magica desired, but even so I never stayed for very long. Why chain myself down when there was an entire world to see? But I soon enough noticed a pattern whenever I left – the towns I left behind would fall to ruin, by plague, by weather, by thieves, by any stroke of bad fortune. Eventually I surmised that my luck was draining all the luck from everyone I met. In order for me to be happy, others would suffer. Fair enough.

I enjoyed testing my abilities. Not everyone liked my company, after all. One quaint fishing village had a surly chap who was envious of the ladies swooning around me, so he challenged me to a fight. I declined, and he continued to pester me. As I watched him rave and rant, I pondered what would happen if I wanted something bad to happen to him.

When he stepped outside, he slid on the icy street and broke his neck. I couldn't stop laughing.

I sold out loyal friends, I abandoned lovestruck maidens, I stole from poor old grandparents, all for the sake of my happiness and my Magica. Yet no matter what I gave her, she still called me servant. Only once did she ever say my name, and only then did I realize the hell I had trapped myself in.

On a brisk winter's day I came her castle to give her an update on a curse she'd given, and found her sitting with council, shouting at them before dismissing them. Several gave me the evil eye, and I gave them the good wink. Once she was alone, I strutted inside. “Tough day?”

“May all the fae have their wings fall off and rot for eternity.” She grumbled, flopping into a seat.

“So, yes.” I headed to her cabinet, pulling out drink and glasses. The wine of witches is powerful stuff, let me tell you.

“I was so close,” she rubbed her face, groaning. “So close to wiping out a good tenth of their generals... but they've allied themselves with mortals! And strong ones too. It'll take ages to take back the land they stole.”

“Which you stole first,” I playfully pointed out, handing her a full glass.

“Bah, details.” She drank. “It's been nothing but losses for days, I can barely think straight.” She rubbed her temples, and to me it seemed she hadn't slept in a while.

“You sound stressed.” He came up behind her, offering a kiss to the shoulder. “You ought to relax.”

“Easier said than done.” She moved the glass in her hand, watching the liquid slosh about. “Hmph... I suppose you might be right. If I don't find some way to ease myself, I'll go mad. I need a distraction.”

“Well, if I can help, say the word.” I shrugged one shoulder, taking a sip. I began to go into my report, noting that she didn't appear to be listening.

“Servant,” she cut in, “Come here.”

“Hm?” I leaned in, and then she kissed me. I was so stunned, I let my arm drop and the wine spilled onto the floor. I forgot how to breathe, how to think, unable to tell if this was reality or one of my many passionate dreams.

As the seconds ticked by and I understood this was real, I tossed the glass aside and pounced. If she wanted to relax, by the gods, I was more than happy to help her this way! How we eventually managed to get to her bed, I have no idea, as I was solely focused on showing her exactly how much I loved her. I worshiped every inch of her body, spoke of how she was in my every waking thought, and in my foolishness I thought she'd understand. As I heard her cry out my name, I believed she knew the depth of my devotion. She had to know that I'd do anything for her, she who gave me a reason to live. After this night, she had to know we were meant to be together. I refused to let her go, even when every last ounce of my strength was gone.

In the morning, I was so exhausted I could barely lift my head – witch stamina is rather amazing – but when I opened my eyes, she was already up and dressed. It took some effort, but I managed to sit up, smiling at her. “You never fail to impress, darling.”

She wasn't looking at me, instead having rolled out a map on her desk drawer. “I need to go this kingdom next, servant. They've got ores that could greatly improve my magical prowess.”

I stared so hard my eyes fell out of my sockets. I was back to servant. How? What about that night? I fumbled, trying to get on my legs. “M-Magica, you...” I grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at me. “What we have, you're just going to pretend it didn't happen?”

She looked at my hand as if it was a mere insect crawling along her dress, and flicked it off. “What of it? You did your duty, as you were supposed to.” As if things couldn't get worse, when she saw my eyes full of agony and heartbreak, she actually laughed. “Oh, my. What are you thinking, dear little fool?”

“I...” How could she not understand, when I held her so close and kissed her so deeply? “I love you, Magica, I've always loved you! Since the first day I met you, I've wanted to be with you!”

“Don't be ridiculous.” She tapped my lips with her finger, condescending and superior. “Creatures like you and I? We don't know what love is. Now, I've given you an assignment, so get to it.” With that, she was done, and walked out, leaving me alone.

That night was merely a servant obeying his mistress. It meant nothing to her, just a way to ease her stress. All I had done, all I had sacrificed, it was merely expected of me. And with growing horror I knew it wouldn't change. No matter how many towns I ruined or lives I took, I would only be her servant and nothing more. My luck would give me everything except the one who gave it to me.

I cleaned up, and left, my mind reeling in insanity. There had to be a way to make her understand. A lucky life was a long one, so she said, so surely there had to be some way to make her mine. I had to make her need me. I'd gotten everything else I wanted – so why couldn't I have her?! It wasn't fair! I was entitled to her! She belonged to me, and me alone!

I would make her love me, make her see that I was the only one worthy of her. I continued my work for her, erasing any last remains of my humanity. I'd prove myself, I'd show her I was more devoted than any witch and warlock under her reign. I began to seek out more witch artifacts on my own, delving into ancient scrolls and stories from elders. My luck would provide the exact text I needed, the right woman to fool to get past security, the exact moment a hurricane would crash down on the family of a witch hunter. All of it for her, all of it for me. I'd make her win the war against the fae, and enslave all of humanity, all so she could say my name.

And I could've lived with this. I believe I could've. If not for that. One. Last. Straw.

I was at the castle once more, ready to receive my next assignment, but when I entered the throne room, my heart stopped at who I saw. There stood cousin Donald, no longer a small boy with a happy face, but an adult man with faded blue eyes. Though it had been years since I'd seen him, I recognized him at once. “Donald?!” I shouted, running up to him, having buried all the memories of my family deep underground. “What in the world are you doing here?!” He didn't answer me – didn't seem to see me. I waved my hand in front of his face and got no reaction.

“Amazing spell, is it not?” Magica crooned on her throne, praising her own handiwork. “He sleeps now, an endless perfect dream, while I use his body for what I wish. Nothing can wake him now.”

I let out a small whistle, impressed. “That is something, all right.” I pinched his cheek, no reaction. Poke his face, no reaction. I was about to slap him when Magica gave me a look. “Sorry. Couldn't resist.” I teased. It didn't answer the question of why my cousin was here, but there was no love lost here. Let him and the entire family tree be a stepping stone for the witches, it didn't matter. “He'd make a great footstool.”

“I have much bigger things planned for all of us.” Magica smiled wickedly, and I heard the sounds of footsteps, as witches began to enter the throne room. “In these years past, your cousin became entangled with the fae, and even found himself a bride among them.”

I raised an eyebrow, glancing once at Donald before returning my attentions back. “You're saying he's married to a fairy?”

“Was,” She corrected, one finger up. “But, we played a most fanciful trick. I managed to seal off the fairy rings temporarily, and disguised myself as his woman.” Already I found my stomach starting to twist, but told myself it was nothing, merely her plan. “In the world of fae, giving your name holds power. Wearing the face of his beloved one, I had him give me his name – breaking the wedded vow. And breaking a fairy's promise is a dangerous thing. Once the fairy rings were unsealed, they launched war against the 'lying' mortals.” She cackled, and a few of her followers followed suit.

“Oh, the poor bride tried to plead, it wasn't his fault,” she continued to giggle, “But not a word was listened. The fae have lost themselves an ally, and for that, we grow stronger.”

“We mustn't waste time,” one elder witch warned, rising up. “We must launch our next attack soon. I say we strike to the north, while their Queen recovers.”

“A woman's work is never done,” Magica clicked her tongue, standing up. “Let us be off.” And then – and then – AND THEN – she kissed Donald.

It was a second long, a quick peck, but to me, this was a moment of eternity seared into my eyes. She took his hand, but before they could leave, I screamed, “What is this?!” She who would never call me by name would taste the lips of my cousin so freely?!

She scoffed at my anger, pulling Donald toward her, and he showed no resistance. “Well, while I played the part of his blushing bride, I got used to the taste.” She then chuckled, poking Donald's lips. “A man who can never argue with me, never raise a word... makes for a suitable husband, does he not?”

“Hus...” I couldn't even finish the word. I stood there, trembling in rage, as she walked hand-in-hand with him, the witches following soon after. When the door clicked shut, I lost the last bits of my sanity. I shoved the throne over, ripped the curtains, smashed the furniture, to hell with the consequences. She preferred a dreaming, dead Donald over me?! Over me?! OVER GLADSTONE GANDER?!

What had I done to deserve this final stroke of madness? Denying me her love was one thing, but to gladly go into the arms of my cousin?! How was I supposed to stand for this?! I'd given her more than he ever could, but he was the one she chose?! How was this lucky? This was a curse! Oh, he would pay, they would all pay, in blood and fire and the worst of luck I could summon! I would make Donald's world hell on earth, if that's what I took! I am Gladstone Gander, and I get whatever I want.

But first. I needed time to plan. And think. So here I am. In this old bar, drinking this pathetic swill, trying to steel my nerves. Trying to figure out where to direct my luck. Trying not to hear the gossip that hovers around me again. Yet...

I hear he's part fae – explains all his good fortune.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend, so it's been said. Perhaps – perhaps here is an answer. They're winning against the fae now, but things can change, especially if I will it so. One could say they only reason they were winning at all was because it was lucky for me. But what if I turned it around? If they lost, they would need to pick themselves back up again. If Donald could be returned to the fae, maybe they'd forgive the mortal realm and join forces again.

Oh, yes, this could work out very nicely, couldn't it? What if, the witches lost so many and so much that their numbers dwindled? Their powers decreased? They would need their servant to rise again. She would need me. If I wanted to, I could take it all away. Her followers, her castle, maybe even her powers, as long as it played in my favor. I could make her need me. I could make it so she couldn't live without me.

I could make her beg.

My drink was refilled, and the young lady who'd done so hummed a bit. And in that moment I saw how much power I really had – this was a complete stranger, and I could either make her live like a princess without care in the world, or have her rotting in an alleyway with the rats, depending on my mood. And she'd never know she was in the presence of such a god. “Free ale all night”, she mused, “You must be one lucky man, my friend!”

I smiled. “You have no idea.”

[redhatmeg]

Dream Angus (a Duckverse fanfiction)

Autohr’s Note: I wanted to write something about Scrooge’s Scottish identity. So here’s some lullaby!

For better effect, listen to this perofrmance of this song. 

Title: Dream Angus

Rating: 12+

Summary:  "You've come here to get rich and make a name of yourself. The thing about America is that it can make people forget about their roots. Just keep that in mind, lad."

Glasgow, 1877

“Come on, kids. Time to sleep.” Downy McDuck called after her elder children, Scrooge and Mathilda. She was holding her youngest, Hortense, in her arms.

“I don’t want to sleep!” Scrooge whined. “I’m not tired at all!”

“Now, now, Scroogey,” His father, Fergus, replied. “listen to your mother. We need to wake up early tomorrow for work. So unless you want to fall asleep while polishing shoes, you should go to your bed right now.”

Scrooge had to admit there was a logic in this statement. So he reluctantly went to the bed where Mathilda was already lying. Downy put Hortense into the cradle and looked at her son with a soft smile.

“My little man… Earning his first money.” She said soon after. “I’m so proud of you.”

When all three of her children were lying in their beds, ready to sleep, Downy covered first Hortense and then Scrooge and Mathilda. Only when they relaxed in the weak light of the candles, she started to sing:

Can you no hush your weepin'?

All the wee lambs are sleepin'. 

Birdies are nestlin', nestlin' taegether,

Dream Angus is hurtlin' through the heather.

Scrooge thought that he was definitely too old for this lullaby. His sisters, well, they were just babies. They needed to be sung a lullaby or else they will be cranky at the morning. He, on the other hand, was ten now, therefore he could sleep without it.

Dreams to sell, fine dreams to sell,

Angus is here with dreams to sell.

Hush now wee bairnie and sleep without fear,

For Angus will bring you a dream, my dear.

Scrooge yawned and smiled to his thoughts. This part was always reminding him of Angus McDuck who left to America. In fact, once (when he was younger and a little bit silly) the boy asked his dad if this was song about uncle Angus. Fergus laughed at this and told him that this song was much, much, older than his brother and therefore referred to different Angus.

When asked who was the Angus from the song then, Fergus McDuck said, he didn’t know, because it was an old lullaby.

Sweet the lavrock sings at morn,

Heraldin' in a bright new dawn.

Wee lambs, they coorie doon taegether

Alang with their ewies in the heather.

Maybe Scrooge wasn’t as strong as he thought. For when Downy got to that part, the softness of the pillow, the soothing sound of his mother’s voice and his own tiredness got to him and soon his eyelids closed.

Dreams to sell, fine dreams to sell,

Angus is here with dreams to sell.

Hush now wee bairnie and sleep without fear,

For Angus will bring you a dream, my dear.

Downy finished singing and looked with smile at her sleeping ducklings. Then she leaned over Hortense and planted a kiss on her forehead. Then she did the same to her elder children. Once she kissed her son, she smoothed his hair and said:

“I’m so proud of you… but, please, don’t grow up too soon, Scroogey.”

Louisville, 1880

It was a late night in the harbor. Scrooge did all the chores uncle Pothole gave him and he was directing himself towards the “Dilly Dollar”, where – in the boiler room – he had place to sleep… when his ears caught an odd sound. Someone was humming a soft melody and since they anchored “Dilly Dollar” in a place far from the taverns and loud sailors, the silence was making it easy to hear. Moreover – this melody somehow seemed familiar to the boy, but he wasn’t sure from where exactly.

Intrigued, the youngster slowly came aboard “Dilly Dollar” and soon located the source of oddly familiar melody. Since the humming came from uncle Angus’ steamboat and Ratchet was doing things in boiler room (and couldn’t be heard unless he was yelling), there were only two solutions as to who was singing: either someone broke in and stupidly decided to sing while robbing “Dilly Dollar”; or Pothole McDuck wasn’t sleeping.

And so Scrooge found his uncle staring at the night river and humming absent-mindly. The boy didn’t disturb him. He didn’t even come closer. He just leaned on the nearest wall and listened carefully to the melancholic, almost lulling melody. It felt relaxing and peaceful… And before Scrooge realized, he heard uncle Angus sing:

Dreams to sell, fine dreams to sell,

Angus is here with dreams to sell.

Hush now wee bairnie and sleep without fear,

For Angus will bring you a dream, my dear.

Once the boy caught the first line, something in his mind clicked. Yes, he knew this song. How could he forget? His mother was singing it almost every night in Scotland. Yet after couple of weeks in America, the melody was somehow lost to him.

Uncle Angus stopped singing and – still staring at the space in front of him – asked:

“Tell me, lad, do you miss the old country?”

Scrooge needed a moment to think about the answer.

“No, not really.” He said finally. “I miss my family, yes, but not Scotland.”

Angus looked back at him. His eyes were filled with a sadness Scrooge haven’t seen in his uncle before. The older man gave him a sign to come closer. The boy did it and soon they both were standing at the board and observing the view.

“You will miss it, lad.” Pothole said and gave nephew a sad look. “Just stay here for a little bit longer and get to know this place better.” He went back to the view of the river.

For a moment he was silent, but then…

“You know,” He started, looking at Scrooge with a soft smile. “when I’m on my own, looking at this muddy river, I remember our lochs surrounded with green hills.” He saddened and looked at the night sky before him, adding with quiet voice: “I can almost see it with my own eyes.” He chuckled cheerlessly. “Sometimes there is also our family castle… Although, I’m pretty sure Castle McDuck was settled in different scenery…”

Suddenly Pothole McDuck got serious and started to sing again:

Dreams to sell, fine dreams to sell,

Angus is here with dreams to sell…

He abruptly stopped and chuckled once more.

“This is a funny song, actually.” His smiled weakened as he added: “Everyone knows that dreams are for free. It’s their realization that can cost a fortune.” He looked at Scrooge. “You’ve come here to get rich and make a name of yourself. The thing about America is that it can make people forget about their roots. Just keep that in mind, lad.”

Scrooge only nodded.

For a moment they were leaning on the board in silence. The night was warm and calm, and Scrooge felt strangely melancholic for some reason. He thought about home; about how he didn’t write to his family for a while and didn’t get any mail from them either. All of a sudden he wished to see them; to hug his sisters, to kiss his mother’s cheeks… But they were separated from him by an Atlantic Ocean. Besides, he didn’t have money for a ticket to Glasgow…

Yes, Glasgow. The busy, crowded Glasgow, full of life and old buildings. Sometimes Scrooge was dreaming, he was walking its streets with new clothes and people were looking at him with awe. But most importantly, he could breathe its air as a rich man. He promised himself, he will come back one day. How could he not come back to Glasgow? It was where his family was.

And then Scrooge understood. He didn’t miss Scotland, but he did miss Glasgow.

Before he knew it, uncle Angus was singing the lullaby again… and Scrooge was singing along.

1885, Castle McDuck

He finally found out who was the Angus in the song.

Once he got rid of Whiskervilles and paid off the dept, he spent rest of the night in the Castle McDuck. He had time to walk around his family’s domain and reflect on things. It wasn’t the first or second time, he was in this place; and it wasn’t the first time he encountered a ghost residing there. But this time he hasn’t seen just Sir Quackly, but whole generations of McDucks playing golf in afterlife and berating Scrooge for being a poor businessman (no pun intended). He still wasn’t sure if it was real or maybe just a dream, but it did make him think about past a lot.

The castle was dark, and cold, and smelled old wood. It was also filled with empty armors, tapestries and furniture from times far before his birth. Last time Scrooge was here as a child, however, even now, at age 21, he felt so small, surrounded with monumental, thick walls… but even more so surrounded by history.

Unlike United States of America which had only three, maybe four hundred years, Scotland was older, so, so much older… It started with couple of Celtic tribes that managed to fight off the Roman Empire and unite into one nation. Through centuries they’ve built their nationality, their identity. The kilt became the traditional cloth of their highlanders. The bagpipes were their national instrument. They also had their own, completely separate language – Gaelic. And then, after the union with England via James the Sixth inheriting the throne, Scotland became a part of United Kingdom. And when the English Civil War ended; when Charles the Second was allowed to come back from his exile, everything went downhill for Scotland and its people.

Fergus McDuck told his son this tale – this tale of lost battle of Culloden, which ended with reforms meant to break Scottish spirit. They couldn’t wear kilts, play bagpipes or speak their language, anymore – not if they wanted to avoid being sent to prison. Some of them became slaves overseas, others were killed. Either way, they were punished for their national pride.

When Scrooge was walking down these dark halls, he felt that he was breathing the same air his ancestors were breathing. McDucks couldn’t wear kilts anymore (hell, Scrooge wasn’t even sure how their tartan looked like!) or didn’t know a world in Gaelic, but they never forgot that they were Scots – proud, fierce, hard working and thrifty. And their castle remembered all the trials and tribulations Scotland went through. And just like Scotland, clan McDucks had its ups and downs.

Now he – Scrooge McDuck – was their clan’s hope for the better future. He had to make the name of himself. Being in this place – the domain of his ancestors – he felt their eyes staring at him, waiting for his next move. He didn’t want to leave his family so soon… but at the same time he knew he needed to make a fortune and he couldn’t do it here.

Scrooge climbed up the tower and leaned on the blanks to watch the night sky. In the distance he could spot the graveyard, swamps and the path to Glasgow. The castle was surrounded by hills that seemed unfriendly to anybody, who wished to go through them. But there was something beautiful about this landscape. It reminded him of dry lands of Montana – vast, unfriendly, tamed only by the toughest. Scrooge remembered all those times spent under the sky of western States; and all those times when he was thinking of home. And before he knew it, he started to hum:

Dreams to sell, fine dreams to sell,

Angus is here with dreams to sell…

Sir Quackly materialized next to Scrooge and started to hum along.

Hush now wee bairnie and sleep without fear,

For Angus will bring you a dream, my dear…

They were standing like that for a while and then the ghost said:

“He was a pagan god, you know.” When the young man gave him a surprised look, Sir Quackly smiled to him and explained: “Dream Angus. He was a Celtic god of dreams, love, youth and beauty. A gentle spirit to whom birds were singing songs and wild dogs were obedient. According to legends, he comes at night and bestows dreams upon the sleeping.”

“Huh…” Scrooge replied and then asked: “How do you know about pagan deities?”

“It’s boring here, in the castle. Ghosts are talking with each other.” Sir Quackly replied. Right after that he saddened and looked at the view before them. “You must leave and find your fortune… but maybe you could come here once or twice? Castle McDuck shouldn’t be left without heirs.”

“My parents and sisters will be residing here from now on.” Scrooge said.

“Yes, I know… but you shouldn’t be the last of Clan McDuck. Find yourself a nice lass and have children that will continue the line. Don’t let McDuck family name to disappear.”

Scrooge didn’t say anything. The ghost didn’t expected him to reply, either way, because he was staring at the sun slowly rising above the raw hills. The young man did the same and let his mind wander. Maybe he should find himself a wife… but only when he will make a fortune. When their financial situation will be stable, there will be time for starting a family.

Once the morning has broken; when Sir Quackly left Scrooge and Fergus McDuck came to meet with his son, the young man already decided to go.

1897, Klondike

“What are you humming, now?” Goldie O’Glit asked suddenly.

Scrooge stopped searching the pond for gold and blinked at her with surprise.

“I’m not humming anything. Go back to work.” He said, dismissingly.

But Goldie was having none of it.

“No, you were humming this song last night and you kept humming it since this morning.”

“That’s none of your business.” He turned his back on her and got back to gold rinsing. But after a moment of silence he said: “You probably won’t like it, anyway. It’s a Scottish lullaby, not one of your bar songs.”

“Oh, yeah? And how it goes exactly?” Goldie inquired further.

Scrooge stopped and looked at her. She smiled to him. For a moment he was going to ask: “And why do you want to know?” and just go back to rinsing… but there was something about the way she looked at him…

Maybe deep down he wanted to sing it to somebody. Maybe he was tired of loneliness and wanted to finally sing it to someone who would listen. After all, it was a beautiful lullaby and it was meant to be sung to others.

And so Scrooge McDuck sung Dream Angus to the love of his life. She, on the other hand, was listening it with attention. When he finished, she was silent for a moment and then smiled again.

“Ever thought about the career in show business?” She asked suddenly.

“No, not really.” Scrooge replied. “I don’t imagine it very profitable.”

“What a shame. You would be fabulous.” She said and took the sieve. “Let’s get back to work.”

“Yes.” The prospector nodded and they both started to rinse again.

1902, Castle McDuck

He didn’t belong here anymore.

He came back to Scotland and everything – from the stares of people to his own feelings – was telling him that after so many adventures in far off lands, he was a stranger in his own homeland. His family was still acknowledging him, but their neighbors were seeing in him only a big shot who forgot his roots. And in some way, they were right.

Maybe the Scotland he was thinking of, was just something he made up, singing that silly song. Or maybe it wasn’t Scotland he missed all those years but his family. Either way, it wasn’t his home, not really, not after he was living outside of it for so long and made wilderness his home.

And so he and his sisters left Glasgow to settle in America. When he was looking at the Castle McDuck getting smaller and smaller in the distance, Scrooge decided that he will hum Dream Angus for the last time.

Today, Duckburg

A lot happened in all those years. He has build a financial empire and achieved his all-time dream to become the richest duck in the world… but in the foolish hissy-fit he threw his family out of his life. For next two decades he was living alone in his mansion, until his nephews showed up and reminded him of what adventure feels like.

And ever since that fateful Christmas he had family again. It was such a refreshing feeling, having Huey, Dewey, Louie – and even Donald! – around. Scrooge even made some friends along the way. He knew that he wouldn’t managed to do that if he didn’t let his nephews into his life.

And so now he was spending the evening in Donald’s house, telling boys about his adventures, when his eldest nephew looked at the clock and suddenly said:

“Kids, it’s time to sleep.”

“But unca Donald!” Huey called. “We want to hear unca Scrooge’s stories!”

“We won’t be able to fall asleep!” Dewey added.

“Yes! We are too excited!” Louie finished.

Scrooge chuckled. These lads were too adorable. He liked them.

Donald shot him a cold glare.

“Look, what you’ve done! They have school tomorrow and now they won’t go to their beds because of your stupid stories.”

Donald, on the other hand, was a difficult duck to live with. But Scrooge kept reminding himself that this was Hortense’s boy. And just like his youngest sister, Donald proved to be a spunky young man. And well, he very much tried to raise those three kids right after his twin sister left them to his care.

A weird thought crossed Scrooge’s mind. He stood up from his armchair and said to Donald:

“Let me try to make them sleep, nephew.”

Donald snorted.

“Oh, yeah? And what will you do, old man?”

“I will sing them a lullaby.” Scrooge replied without a moment o hesitation.

Hortense’s son gave him a skeptical look, nevertheless, he said:

“Well then, be my guest.”

Soon Scrooge entered boy’s bedroom, where Huey, Dewey and Louie – now washed up and under covers – were waiting for him. The old duck sat at the stool prepared for him for this very occasion. He could feel Donald’s presence behind him. Hortense’s boy was probably standing in the doorframe and observing his old uncle with mild interest, preparing to mock him, if the billionaire fails to put Huey, Dewey and Louie to sleep.

Scrooge smiled to himself. Donald needed to hear this song too.

And so, without the further ado, Scrooge started to sing a lullaby he didn’t sing ever since he and his sisters left Scotland.

Can you no hush your weepin'?

All the wee lambs are sleepin'.

He looked at the three young ones while they were looking at him with these eyes of wonder… and he couldn’t help but think of the times when he was their age and his mother was singing Dream Angus to him.

Birdies are nestlin', nestlin' taegether,

Dream Angus is hurtlin' through the heather.

He started to wonder if their mother, Della, was singing this song to them… and then he wondered if Hortense was singing this lullaby to her children. How much Donald, Della and boys were aware of their Scottish heritage?

Dreams to sell, fine dreams to sell,

Angus is here with dreams to sell…

And then a sad thought crossed his mind: Donald was raised by Grandma Duck, on the farm. And Della disappeared, when Huey, Dewey and Louie were just infants. Therefore, it was highly possible that all four of them were now hearing Dream Angus for the first time in their lives.

Hush now wee bairnie and sleep without fear,

For Angus will bring you a dream, my dear.

You shouldn’t be the last of McDuck clan. Find yourself a nice lass and have children that will continue the line. Don’t let McDuck family name to disappear… – Sir Quackly’s words echoed in Scrooge’s memory. At this point of his life, Donald was the closest thing to an offspring Scrooge had. And these three tykes looking at him with sleepy eyes, were the closest thing to a grandchildren he would ever have.

Sweet the lavrock sings at morn,

Heraldin' in a bright new dawn…

He smiled to them lightly and tenderly petted their heads. And then Scrooge thought about what his uncle Pothole once told him: that when he was looking at the muddy water of Ohio river, he could see Castle McDuck surrounded by hills.

Wee lambs, they coorie doon taegether

Alang with their ewies in the heather.

At this very moment, singing this old song to Huey, Dewey and Louie, Scrooge was thinking about his old castle too: about the history of hundreds generations of McDuck’s scattered in these stony walls; about a friendly ghost of Sir Quackly who helped him defeat Whiskervilles twice; and about that time when Scrooge left both the ghost and the castle, because he lost the connection with his homeland.

Dreams to sell, fine dreams to sell,

Angus is here with dreams to sell…

Then Scrooge thought about all those times when he was singing this lullaby – consciously and not-so consciously – and that one moment when he sung it to Goldie. And he remembered what was the other thing Sir Quackly told him that day, in 1885: that Dream Angus was a Celtic god of love and youth.

And Scrooge knew that he left his love in Klondike and spent his youth, making money. He felt so old, so very, very old… He also felt tears coming into his eyes.

Hush now wee bairnie and sleep without fear,

For Angus will bring you a dream, my dear.

With cracking voice, Scrooge finished singing and felt like crying – crying over the fact that he was the last of Clan McDuck; that he never settled with Goldie; that he had lost touch with his homeland long time ago; and that Donald and boys probably didn’t know their Scottish heritage.

Huey, Dewey and Louie either didn’t notice their uncle’s odd mood, or pretended to do so, because they seemed fast asleep. Scrooge smiled and patted their heads for the last time, before he stood up from the stool and, carefully to not wake boys up, he left the room. He met with Donald on the corridor, leaning on the wall, and for a moment the two ducks were staring at each other.

“Sounds like you to sing about selling dreams.” Donald said with a wry smile, but there was something in his eyes that wasn’t exactly on board with mockery of his greedy uncle.

Scrooge smiled too and replied:

“Everyone knows that dreams are for free. It’s their realization that can cost a fortune. The thing about America is that it can make people forget about their roots. ” He gave Donald a sad look and then turned back at the door of boy’s bedroom, before he went back to his nephew. “One day I will show you Scotland.”

Donald’s smile changed into more friendly one as he said:

“We’ll get there somewhere along the way, old man.”

“I suppose you’re right, nephew.”

Scrooge and Donald directed towards the stairs to let boys sleep peacefully. When they started to go down, Scrooge heard Donald hum a familiar melody. The old duck didn’t know if his nephew was doing that consciously or not, but it made him smile.

[modmad]

no offence pal but why on earth do you like Gladstone he's an ass

I can see where you’re coming from buddy, but incoming TL:DR because I like me a complex character breakdown study-

okay so you asked for it

it’s true that in his first appearances, and in most of the American stories, Gladstone doesn’t get many, or any, redeeming moments: Barks himself felt that he couldn’t make the character go much further than being a rival mirror-image of Donald, and eventually sort of abandoned him in terms of character development. The super-natural luck trait itself only evolved over time, and it was really Don Rosa that ran with this idea and the possibilities it could bring to the stories. It’s when you hit the European comics, which are where many of the ‘secondary’ characters started to blossom and develop their own lore and intrigue, when things started to get interesting and the actual psychology of Gladstone’s character is explored- which is both logical, and sad.

I’m gonna throw down this copy-paste of an excellent summary of the European aspect from a post by Sarroora here;

“I prefer Gladstone’s characterization in the European comics because rather than the relationship being ‘Lucky Jerk Cousin Tormenting Poor Donald Just Because’, the relationship is bumpy because Donald himself has contributed to the tension - he’s not always a victim. Sometimes he does irrational things out of jealousy, which damages their relationship.Remember that the rest of Donald’s family aren’t jealous of Gladstone, and so it comes as no surprise that Gladstone’s relationship with all of them is better. Then there are characters like Grandma Duck whom Gladstone completely respects and loves. (Gladstone also has a thing against refusing any request from Scrooge McDuck).There is another major reason Gladstone in European canon puts up an arrogant, aloof front for everybody. He is exploited by everyone. People pretend to be all friendly and interested in his company, and when they get what they want, they take off. Yes, It’s awful and disgusting and that’s exactly how Huey, Dewey and Louie felt when he admitted to them one day during a bout of loneliness.What’s sad is that his own family do not realize that their constant requests of him to ‘give some of his luck’ make him feel objectified because of how he’s thrown aside as soon as the job’s done. When he’s the one who wants to help though, he gladly works his luck to the person’s benefit with no regrets.”

There are many stories where you can really understand where Gladstone’s arrogant and isolated character stems from this abuse of his gift, and why it would turn him away from voluntarily building connections with anyone, but I think his bitter relationship with his cousin becomes very understandable when you consider that Gladstone must know (or, at, least feels) that he will never have the type of luck that Donald has- the luck of having a caring, supportive family, and genuine friends who don’t see him as a tool. It’s doubtless worsened by Gladstone’s own conceit; when people see how he takes his luck for granted, and that he doesn’t need to try hard at anything or have anyone take care of him, then naturally nobody tries to help him. Nobody cares for Gladstone, because they think he doesn’t need them to, and because of the way he behaves, they don’t think he wants them to, either. There’s an easy mirror to this in Scrooge’s own relationship with wealth, and how he lost sight of what it really meant before Donald and his nephews made him reflect on his existence, but Gladstone hasn’t had that kind of opportunity to break out of his self inflicted isolation. He hasn’t had the long-term support to do so, and without it I suspect he’s both too afraid and too cynical to try.

TL:DR my angle is that Gladstone constantly rubs his good fortune in Donald’s face because it’s the only thing he has over him; in fact, his luck is the only thing he has. Donald might be a little envious of Gladstone, but, when you think about it, Gladstone is probably more envious of Donald, and with better reason.

[faithful-grigori]

”#once again i've ponderously worked my way to the explicitly stated moral of the story, #but i had to work my way there because stave 4 left me unsettled, #had i been scrooge that trip probably would have squashed any desire i had to reform, #the ghost *doesn't say* whether or not the future can be changed, #what if this is just proof he's doomed no matter what so why bother changing?, #fortunately scrooge was much better than i was about logic, #namely: no reason to show him this future if it *can't* be changed, #the point of these ghosts is to save him from marley's fate, #plus we did have the ghost of christmas present's implications that future shadows can be changed, #it's kind of interesting when you step back from familiar stories that just go this way because it's how they're supposed to go, #and really dig into 'wait a minute. why did it go like this?', #it usually winds up with me figuring out that the writer knew what they were doing, #but it's also nice to see the scaffolding that got us to the story”

What was the point of Scrooge's trip with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come? On a structural level, it makes sense--three is the fairy tale number, and you can't visit the past and present without also including the future--but on a character level, it doesn't quite seem necessary. Showing a man that he'll die alone, unloved, and unmourned seems like the strategy you take as the last-ditch effort to convince a guy that he needs to change his ways. But that situation doesn't apply to Scrooge. He started softening immediately after he first arrived in his past. By the time he finished with the Ghost of Christmas Present, he was fully onboard with the need to reform, so the Ghost's vision of his future seems like unnecessary cruelty. Why show him all this when he was already planning to change his ways?

A few things come to mind. One is that this vision of the future wouldn't have affected Scrooge unless he had already changed his ways. A cold, hard businessman could have seen his lonely death as just the way of the world, might have viewed the people who stole the clothes from his corpse as just people doing what's practical in this world. He needed to relearn the value of the intangibles--human connection, respect for others--to see the true horror of the lonely death and the vultures who defiled the dead man.

But why the horror? Can't he reform without being threatened with doom? It's possible--but it's also possible such a reform would be temporary. After all, Scrooge started as a friendly, loving young man, but retreated into himself and his business out of fear of poverty and fear of the way the world looks down upon poor people. Even if a reformed Scrooge started on a course of Christmas charity, there was always a chance that the enthusiasm would fade, and the worldly fears would start creeping back in. The only way to beat those fears is to give him something to fear that's even worse than poverty. He needs to see the horrible end that his selfish ways would lead to, so he won't be tempted to slide back into them.

There's also the fact that seeing his death makes him ecstatically happy to find that he's alive after the Ghost is gone. Had Scrooge been spared the vision of his future, he might have been happy to find himself on Christmas Day, but his joy would have been nowhere near the manic glee he experiences after coming back from the future. Now, he doesn't just get a new start--he gets a second chance. Coming back from his own grave makes him mindful of his death, but it also makes him hyperaware of the fact that he's still alive. He isn't in the ground yet. He still has time to do good and make connections with others so he doesn't die alone.

Seeing the past reminded him of the innocence he'd lost. Seeing the present reminded him of the people whose lives he was missing out on. Seeing the future reminded him that death is waiting, so it's important to live virtuously while we can. All three are important because all three brought him outside of himself and taught him to value the wider world, just in time to live through another Christmas Day.

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Review: The First Adventure! or Baby Donald Says Eat the Rich

Welcome back. I’d been looking forward to this one for some time in the hopes of getting one thing i’ve been waiting for.. sadly that thing didn’t come, we’ll get to that, but this was still a fun episode so let’s hop right in. Spoilers in a second but my tag is spoiler tagged soooo.  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We open in the 1960′s. Austin Powers just went into Cryo Freeze to prepare for Dr. Evil’s eventual return, The Marvel Universe was in full swing, a teenager in baltimore was battling racisim via a dance show, and Black Heron had just been caught by Agent 22, aka Beakly when she was young and just as gorgeous then as she is now. Heron once again engaged in her usual cartoonish supervillian, and now SHUSH has her.  Meanwhile in a nearbye room a young accountant by the name of Bradford Buzzard is outlining his plan for Director Von Drake: The way he sees it every time a villian costs chaos Shush “Wastes” billions causing MORE chaos to stop it without controlling things. He proposes taking over the world, weeding out the chaos and ruling from the shadows. Naturally, Ludvig isn’t on board with any of this and points out they aren’t super villains. It’s here this episode fully defines something about Bradford’s character. Back in “Let’s Get Dangerous!” when Huey called him a villain, he said he’s not one... at least from his point of view. It’s here, in his youth we get a clear understanding why he dosen’t think so: So far most people we’ve seen in the world of Ducktales take the chaos and insanity of the world in stride: Either just numb to it like most of the citizens, Rolling with it like Daisy and Violet, or diving straight into it like.. pretty much the majority of the cast, either for the love of adventure and treasure like the McDuck/Duck family, or for their own ludcrious ends like Glomgold, Mark Beaks or Magica. To them the world’s fine the way it is and there’s to explore, take or whatever.  To Bradford.. this is madness... he feels all these people are just a bunch of overgrown children, and in some cases actual children, are just making the world worse and worse until one day their going to break it. One day skill, intuition, wit, and knowledge just wont’ be enough. Someday Scrooge, SHUSH or whoever’s standing in the way of evil will fail and the world will fall. This simply can’t go on, and SOMEONE has to control this, someone has to take this world, shake the chaos out of it and MAKE it sane. Make it work the way it’s SUPPOSED to. And to Bradford that’s him. Someone has to, no one else will, so he will. To him SHUSH doing this is just the logical thing: They want peace right? Their fighting for good right? Then what’s better than making the world a utopia? Ending these conflicts and remaking it.  The thing is.. that’s not what Heroes do. As we’ve seen in various stories where the superheroes, the Good Guys take over they do improve things.. but at the cost of free will. At the cost of free thought. At the cost of their morals. They become what they were fighting all those years and have to bloody their hands and keep them bloody just to make THEIR world right. And that’s not Utopia, that’s a dictatorship. The example I always come to, even though there were ones before and after this including Marvel’s incredible Squadron Supreme maxi-series, is Justice League the animated series’ two parter, like most of their episodes really but that’s not the point, a Better World, about an alternate reality where Superman kills Lex Luthor after Luthor kills the flash and hte League take over the world. The thing is.. the world isn’t BETTER. It’s just crime free. You can sweep the chaos and the crime under the rug.. but your not making a better world, your just making YOUR version of it. No one person is a god even if they have a power of one and no one person can or SHOULD be able to decide what’s best for everyone. It’s up to each of us to MAKE the world better, to fight for a better world. That’s what Ludvig knows full well and what Bradford just can’t see. You can’t control the world, you just have to accept the things you can’t change like it being chaotic and change the things you can like injustice. 

Bradford however, who was hired as a favor to his grandmother, can’t though Von Drake lets him off with a warning.. and a laugh about an accountant being able to be a super villian. Bradford however realizes ther’es some truth to that.. he needs someone to teach him out to operate outside the law, and if SHUSH won’t take the world and remake it.. maybe it’s time someone else did.  So in the prison cells of SHUSH, which are conveniently empty outsdide of Heron, Bradford outlines his plan to her. To create a massive orgnization to steal the world and give it the order it needs. To combine their skills: Heron’s for grandeur and crime, and Bradfords for strategy and focus, to take the world. The Orginzation for World Larceny, or OWL, fitting bradford’s hatred for theatrics. Heron objects, adding an F for fiendish, and Bradford relucntantly agrees to get her on board, lets her loose and fakes like he just saw her escape. FOWL is born. And the world would never be the same. Cue credits and cue the rest of the review under the cut. 

After the opening we cut to 1994-5.. sometime around then as it’s hard to get an exact year, and that’s how the crew likes it. Point is it’s the 90′s, and Scrooge is.. busy running his company. We’ll get into the weeds of that in a bit, but this is a different Scrooge, one who while no less capable, has no thirst for adventure or drive. He’s not nearly as miserable as the Scrooge we saw back in Woo-Ooo but he’s still a much less complete man. Anyways alongside him for his planning is Duckworth, whose very much alive at this time, and who tells his boss his sister Hortense left something in his office for him.  To no one suprise, that thing is the twins, at the tender age of i’m guessing 10. Since your probably curious, Della is still voiced by Paget Brewster, just using a slightly different voice like the Triplets and Webby’s voice actors do. It’s just a bit more jarring here since unlike those characters, we’ve seen adult della and thus are used to this voice coming out of a grown woman. It’s not bad and I got used to it eventually but it was jarring at first especially since once again Donald has a completely diffrent voice ACTRESS doing his voice.  This time around it’s cristina valenzuela, of Miraculous Ladybug fame, who I know more for her song work and twitter than her actual work ,but am delighted to see her here and she does a terrific job. I genuneily did not realize it was her, and while not exactly like the late great russi taylor, it is just similar enough to work. 

So we get to see what the Twins were like when they were the Triplets age: Della is about the same, but with more of Dewey’s impulsiveness, and Donald, much like he’d be a few years and some dead parents later, is a bitter, grungey musician whose constantly on his guitar and railing against the man.. which is Scrooge in this case which is fair. Hortense left a note.. which bothered me as I genuinely expected her to show up and was majorly disappointed she did not. We are in year 4 of this series, season 3 and STILL no appearance of Hortense or mention how she died, as she and Quackmore are still alive by the end of this. Given she’s easily my faviorite part of Life and Times, this bothered me, and the only reason i’m not more upset.. is the clever way they wrote around actually using her. The letter she leaves for Scrooge explaining things is the same one Della herself used in the comic strip, and using a bit of the postcard she left in the cartoons, when leaving Huey, Dewey and Louie with Donald, down to the Twins having left a firecracker in their fathers seat, thus leaving him in the hosptial. As disappointed as I am my favorite Ginger is completely absent once again, this is a brilliant reference, and I have to give them credit for it, so it’s a fair enough trade off.  As for his “Angel Nephew and Niece”, Della wants to dive into adventure while Donald struggles to write a song, singing throughout the episode. It varies in tolerablity, though mostly due to the writing, Cristina is doing fine. Della however is disappointed to find her legendary uncle views his past exploits as merley a means to an end to get his fortune and now he has it he can just focus on building it in the boardroom. This is an intresting take.. and one I could easily have seen happening to the Don Rosa version seen in Life and Times. The Scrooge there himself saw building his wealth as the most important thing until his encounter with Teddy Rosevelt, who taught him experince was what mattered and the having isn’t as fun as the getting. It works for me: This is a scrooge who never got that lesson so once he got to be richest duck in the world, having achieved his life’s goal nothing was left. He’s not miserable like the Scrooge we saw at the start of the series, having lost his love for adventure after loosing his niece/daughter, and having lost his fight. This one has retired.. but because he likely just sees no point in going on. He’s the richest duck in the world, has a vast empire.. no amount of treasure is really going to add to that like it used to, and as he points out in a second Shush has tons of agents at this point to clean up what’s left of FOWL. He’s the man who has everything, so why keep going. It’s weird to see a scrooge without the hunger to keep going, but it makes sense when his belly is full. Without someone to get him to see there’s always another rainbow, he just stopped chasing them. Also a fun nod to the comics I almost forgot to mention is when hearing about the “Gift”, i.e. the twins, Scrooge dreads it’s another surprise party, a nod to life and times where Hortense threw Scrooge one that went.. badly and lead to their entire relationship collapsing. Though Donald did get back at Scrooge for screaming at his parents and Auntie Matilda

However his busy day is disrupted with a call from Beakly. They’ve found the last known cordinates of Captain Yellowbeak, but FOWL is on them and Scrooge is the only one Beakly trusts for this since they have a leak. Beakly is also director of SHUSH at this point, with Von Drake having retired or died or both at this point. Scrooge reluctantly accepts, while Della is excited at the prospect of a real adventure and Donald ends up sharing her enthusasim as it’d make a good song. Scrooge, naturally, has no intention of bringing them with him to their disapointment and leads Donald to sing another “Suck it the man song” which totally isn’t about Scrooge.... spoilers: It entirely is, he’s just a little dumbass grunge baby and I love him.  We then get a cute sequence of Della popping up in Scrooge’s Luggage and Trunk to try and convince him to let them tag along, before we cut to the Limo, driven by Duckworth at this point, which solves that mystery. Scrooge is firm in having his butler take them back and have them work with him and Duckworth’s fine with that.. but wants overtime, which is fair. Scrooge, being Scrooge, grumbles about not being made of money, proven wrong by gold spilling out of him. Though I do like the update of Scrooge’s classic cheapness when it comes to pay: INstead of barely paying his employees like a monster, he’s simply reluctant to pay extra if he dosen’t have to, and would rather drag two 10 year olds with him on a dangerous adventure than pay overtime, which tracks. It’s also clear if he had to he WOULD actually pay it, either due to legal reasons or his moral standards, he just isn’t happy about it. So he agrees, though he wants Donald to leave the guitar behind which.. given the most Donald’s been able to come up with is “Suck it THE MAN” and “This guy’s a greedy asshole”.. he’s extremely correct and when Donald tries to pull a “YOU CAN’T CENSOR ME MANNNN”, Scrooge just chucks it out of the car.  At the airfield while Della is excited like an rabid chipmunk, and genuinely thinks she can fly a plane because she’s played Outrunner 2.. which I have only vaguely heard of before now. And is apparently just a pc game where you run a lot so I genuinely do not get where Della gets piloting from that.. but she IS Dewey’s mother. So with that in mind the family take off and Scrooge explains what their after: The Papyrus of Binding. It’s a dangerously powerful magical artifact from Ancient Egypt that will make whatever’s written on it happen. The dangerous part is that it’s incredibly literal: As Bradford puts later in the episode, ask for unlimited power, it might zap you dead with a million volts, ask for infinite wealth, prepare to be crushed underneath it. It’s a nice twist on a Monkey’s Paw or Jackass Genie situation. Instead of either the source of the wish granting magic just being inherently evil, or some dickhead screwing with the hero.. it’s just an object that has no ability to interpret nuance, just like your phone with the goddamn autocorrect. It can’t judge intent or tone or meaning, it just gives exactly what it’s asked. It’s a thoroughly interesting concept. 

Something I really like about this episode is the fact it answers some little questions. While none were Hortense related, and I am still grumpy about that even with this coming out a good 17 hours after I watched it due to getting caught up with other stuff, it does have little touches that explain small parts of the lore: Who drove Scrooge? As just mentioned, Duckworth. Who flew scrooge? Paid pilots. Did he have a plane before the sunchaser? Yup. It fills in some small gaps in the world. Stuff we weren’t dying to know but’s stil lintresting. Said pilots in this case however are Heron and Bradford. This episode also fills in Heron’s character, as while we’ve already seen bits and pieces this season she LOVES being a classic, take over the world james bond type villian, like she stepped out of a duck version of kim possible.. and i’m just now realizing there probably IS a duck kim possible somewhere in this world as while far after disney afternoon, it fits too neatly to not be wedged in there with your tailspins and goof troops. I wouldn’t be suprised if there were brid versions of every human based disney afternoon and one saturday morning show. My.. my head’s swimming from this. I could be, and probably am wrong but the sheer idea of this... it’s amazing.  Back to Heron, she just LOVES being evil and destructive, letting the world know she exists and operating on a grand scale. Now we’ve seen more of her while she’s Beakly’s nemisis.. she’s really an evil scrooge.. yes another one. Like Scrooge, at least how he normally is,  she simply gets how the world of Ducktales operates and can take advantage of that to the best of her ablility. Just like adventuering, cartoonish supervilliany is about risk and reward.. sometimes you faceplamnt hard, that’s the risk, but the rewards and rush is worth it. She’s as addicted to grandoise villiany as Scrooge is to adventure by this point. And like Scrooge, and unlike her partner Bradford, she sees the world as it is: Chaotic and one big sandbox to play in. She contrasts Scrooge by the fact that while Scrooge is willing to bust down doors, he still has morals, as well as the wisdom to not go overboard Heron often lacks. It also makes her a good contrast ot the equally skilled Beakly: While Beakly is taciturn, controlled in all things especially her emotions, Heron is bombastic, gloating and borderline insane, and while deadly in a fight, dosen’t exercise any control in her plans, preferring it big and loud despite her partner usually being right about reiging it in.  So Heron evacuates dramatically, taking a grumpy Bradford with them, and sending the plane into a tailspin. 

I can’t wait for Next Year’s Tailspin episode. I swear to god. I’m hoping for Shere Kahn but this episode has taught me to be okay with disapointment, if a grumpus. Della however shows her natural talent and despite having no real experince with planes, lands it gracefully. While that’s going on, Bradford berates Heron for her plan, pointing out that they COULD have simply landed the plane, then captured the McDuck family and executed them quitely, versus leaving a chance they’ll survive which they do. They AREN’T supervillains.. or at least he thinks he isn’t. Heron does show off her competence though, pointing out that this way they can simply stay low, and FOLLOW the Ducks to the treasure. Bradford is impressed for a second.. till Heron’s evil shows as she plans to use the Papyrus. Bradford loudly objects to this, listing the possible risks shown before. If not used CAREFULLY, it could kill them, and she balks and wants him to just embrace being the Villian already. It’s what I love about their dynamic set up here: While they are equals, Bradford is a better strategist, able to think and plan way in advance, and prefers subterfuge, and if present day is any indicatoin probably used Heron’s flash to distract from the real mission or goal often or to do something on the down low while she kept SHUSH busy. His last two plans, while again requiring some pizzaz, relied on misdrection: having the ducks take care of an immidate threat like their used to.. while he gets exactly what he wants while their busy and whatever they get out of it is either nothing (Impossibin) or something he couldn’t use just yet and thus if he didn’t get it, no loss, but if he did it just moves up the timetable. Not only that but he’s outlasted all three other big bads, lying in the shadows till it was too risky to leave scrooge and play and even THEN, only coming out into the open when forced out. IT’s why he’s Scrooge’s most dangerous opponent: He knows how Scrooge’s other enmities operates as well as Scrooge himself. And since he knows everything he can maneuver Scrooge exactly where he needs him to do exactly what he wants. It’s unknown how the family will beat him, but he’s easily the biggest challenge they’ve had. 

But back to the show and the past, Scrooge bonds with his niece and nephew, retelling stories of his past as they get closer, with Donald ending up high at one point and thus seeing the ship stranded on a mountain. As he recounts a fight with El Capitan, the villian from the ducktales 87 pilot, he counts the story as as a loss: He didn’t get anything from it, no treasure no new contracts. But Della shows him the point he’s been missing; He got a story. Sure he lost.. but he got experince, a tale to tell and a legend grown.Just because you don’t get everything dosen’t mean it wasn’t worth the experince and you can’t hold it in your heart. And this episode shows why this scrooge needed his family: Without Teddy to mentor him, he simply never got that adventure wasn’t about gains or what you get.. it’s about the thrill of it, the enjoyment of discovery and the memories you make.. it’s about the Journey not the destination. 

As Scrooge starts to warm up to that, he finds a gap, with Della volunteering Donald to jump but Scrooge just having the kids hop on his back and pogo caneing across. The family find the Papyrus, and find out why the ship is all the way up here: Captain Yellowbeak, who’s a character from one of barks stories and the one who had the scroll last, wished to escape.. but that just stranded them. He asked for water.. and it drowned his crew.. and finally with the document hteir reading he asked for release... and thus is now a skelington. The kid are happy to have reached the goal.. while Scrooge is back on his Zack Morris phone trying to reschedule things and schedule a SHUSH evac, to the kids annoyance. However Scrooge raining on their parade gets interupted by Heron and Bradford, as Heron can’t resist popping out dramatically and Bradford is UTTERLY furious since she blew his cover, and Scrooge recognizes him from his christmas party, a nice callback. Scroog being scrooge figures out he’s the mole and Bradford runs , furious at Heron. Their conflict is an intresting one: Both have a point but both will not back down. Bradford is right this showboating nonsense has only hindered Heron’s plans.. and Heron is right that Bradford needs to accept he’s the bad guy. Even if he has well meaning motives, he’s the villian, he works with them, he leads them.. he is one.  He just can’t accept he’s wrong or dosen’t have the answers... huh.. I wonder who that reminds you of. And that’s 100% intentional as Frank has outright compared Huey and Bradford and like last season it’s neat to have the main vilian contrast our chosen Duck for the season. 

Heron outfoxes the kids and gets the papyrus and being just an enitrely black hearted bitch, plans to kill them just to spite scrooge.. writing that “his sidekicks will perish on this mission.”.... but Scrooge’s character development, and her choice of words, means nothing happens. As Scrooge outlines, “Their not my sidekicks their my FAMILY, and this isn’t a mission, it’s an ADVENTURE”. Scrooge has finally accepted his life for what it really is.. and the thrill of the chase over what lies at the end. There’s always anothe rainbow.. and he’s finally become the man who will chase every last one. 

OF course this is interupted, and Heron escapes with the papyrus, when a skeletal pirate attacks.. why is Yellow Beak alive, why’d the scroll do this?

But we get a neat fight as Scrooge fights the skeleton while he sends the kids after Heron. Scrooge gets a cool looking swordfight, while Bradford gets the papyrus, and Yellowbeak even terrifies me what with his bestial roll and fucking centepede crawling out of him.. jesus those things freak me out.  Meanwhile the kids battle Heron, who throws della overboard... and thus for the first time, Donald taps into his beserker rage, snikty snoink, and easily incapaciates the more experinced and fully grown adul, though Della since we’eve been following her kids for the past three seasons, is fine, if suprised by her brother being the goddamn wolverine. 

While heron is out for a second, Scrooge heads after Bradford, and vows to tell Beakly and chase him all across the world. However Bradford gets an utterly awesome moment.. he admits scrooge may be right and probably would.. but since he has the papayrus and is careful in everything he writes his request carefully and perfectly “As far as the ducks are concerned, I was never here.” Grante dit COULD have left scrooge out.. but since he didn’t sday duck family or specificy, and likely knew it’d do that, it instead just means the three bilogical ducks. Bradford dissappears, turning invisble and leaving the papyrus for scrooge, who foils heron by simply writing that this scroll will be lost until one day found by his heirs.

So Heron takes a fall and looses an arm, again.. or for the first time.. the family is triumphant and despite loosing his goal, Scrooge is convinced he and the kids will find it again. See above. Scrooge then pulls out his phone and tells Duckworth to rework his schedule.. but it’s so he can find someone to run his comapny so he can spend more time with the kids. As for why Hortense would allow this before her still mysterious passing.. i’m guessing A) she notices her brother is happier and more alive than he’s been for a while and B) they just blew up their dad’s ass with a firecracker, and she won’t be able to use it for a while, so she’s double mad, so if it means she gets a moment’s peace and is with someone she trusts.. why not?

So we end on Scrooge packing up, preparing for further adventures.. i’d love a spinoff of this one day. I mean Disney plus needs it, and since Frank is probably going over to Darkwing.. maybe matt could take a crack at this. Just saying. You have the cast ready, a giant world to explore, and 15 years worth adventures. Run that baby damn you! But yeah the inevitble happens and Bradford further proves his magificent bastardry.. by appling for the position of running the company as head of Scrooge’s board, and setting up said board. So now FOWL has unlimited resources, he has a direct eye on what he now realizes is his greatest threat, and the complete trust and faith of both Scrooge and Beakly. It also puts Beakly’s breakdown in context: We now see WHY she went as far as she did: While the revelation was bad for Scrooge, finding out one of his most trusted allies was a traitor the whole time and knew everything about him, for Beakly.. it had to be worse. Finding out one of your best employees, one of the FEW people you ever trusted, and someone you DIRECTLY RECOMMENDED TO SCROOGE, was not only the man who set up your greatest enemies, but had compromised your organization for most of your career. IT’s no wonder she broke down so hard.. while I already gave several reason adding “This level of betrayal and self doubt to the list” only makes it that much harder on her. But for now a partnership is started.. one that very well may end scrooge. 

Final Thoughts: A pretty good episode overall. It’s well paced, to the point I probably forgot a LOT, has some good jokes, and fills in a lot of the gaps in the lore, while giving us a nice insight into bradford and heron. Even without hortense this was a pretty good episode. 

Upcoming Reviews: LIfe and Times; Master of the Mississippi Ride of the Three Cabbleros: The Three Cablleros (House of Mouse) Tomtrospective: Lava Lake Beach

[popculturebuffet]

The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck: The Master of the Mississippi! or “How Much Satisfaction Can There Be?”

Hello everybody. I’m back to the life of scrooge mcduck.. it’s been an eternity hasn’t it and that’s for a simple reason: I had other reviews to do, especially comissions, I kept pushing this back further and further as while I love this series i put my paid work ahead of any other projects, until Kev, i.e. the guy paying for most comissions out and out asked that this be done before I got to the rest of The Ride of the Three Caballeros. It’s also why I finally put a loose schedule in place, to keep projects from slipping so the MANY retrosectives and what not I have going can move along at a steady pace and I can slot in comissions easier, 5 bucks an issue or episode if your curious. So now things are a bit tider, i’ll try to have an installment of scrooge’s storied past up a week from now on, so keep an eye out for that, minus christmas week as I have something else planned Duck Comics wise. So with all that out of the way and any exposition able to be baked into the plot proper, we can FINALLY get back to the life and times of scrooge mcduck

PREVIOUSLY ON THE LIFE AND TIMES OF SCROOGE MCDUCK:

A Young Scrooge got his inspiration, his start and also scared the crap out of some asshole scooby do style. Also his sister Hortense was adorable. SO there’s that. But eventually with some inspriation from what he didn’t realize was a ghost, Scrooge decided to head to america to find his Uncle Pothole. So that’s where we left off, with Scrooge heading to

Since then as the scrapbook page explains, Scrooge has worked his way up the Missippi to Louieville, Kentucky... which is where Rosa lives, and it is not a concidence it’s set here as a result. But much like how the Marvel staff being in new york in the 60′s lead to that universe having it’s unique and vibrant New York setting that’s lasted to this day, sometimes a creator using where they live as the basis can lead to really great and intresting stuff and here he had a valid reason as Louieville was one of the main hubs on the Mississippi river and thus a massive boomtown. 

Not the kind of boom town I meant but I can never say no to boomtown. But yeah it’s not only a bustling hub usually anyway, but things are extra amped up given it’s Derby time. I mean the Kentucky Derby’s no steel ball run but what could be? So naturally the crowds are booming and scroogie is impressed. I mean he’s a 13 year old boy from a poor community in Scotland. This is huge to him. But he has no time to dawdle and asks the closest random gentleman where he could find his Uncle Angus, who was mentioned last time and is the one needed for this. The guy is genuinely helpful and points him to his uncle... but as I only noticed on this read through also uses a knife to swipe his bag by cutting the handle off. It’s part of why I admire this series so much: rosa snuck so many small background gags into the margins you can always find something new reading it or always get something fresh out of it.  We also meet Gyro’s grandpa Ratchet. 

I mean there’s no might about it. David Byrne is rich and he’s the delightful weirdo we all deserve and the autistic icon I needed. 

I have no context for this, I just figured searching David Byrne in Tumblr’s Gif Search would find something delightfully batshit in that way only hec an do and I was right. 

So as the tweenager enters the gambling establishment, we find Uncle Pothole, whose playing poker with local asshole and tophat enthusiast Porker Hogg...whose name keeps tripping me up as I write this as he’s not the only pig named porker I know of but is far less memorable than this one

He and Pothole are playing cards, and while Porker can go on for days he can’t go on for eight weeks.. or even two days really and prepares to finish it. He puts up his boat the Dilly Dollar, which Angus takes offence to since Porker sank his. Angus offers up the location of the Dreenan White, a legendary, and real legend at that, riverboat that sank. Since Angus was a Cabin Boy on the boat, he knows where it is. So the final hand is dealt and Angus wins with five aces, mostly because Porker’s ace ejector jammed. When Scrooge questions if this is dishonest, Angus explains their under riverboat captain rules which basically means you can cheat your ass off and it’s not only expected it’s an insult NOT to. So Angus takes Scrooge with him, seeing the boy as a good luck charm and finding out to his shock Scrooge is his nephew, but gladly takes his newly found relation under his wing as he relates to his coming to america to find his fortune, having done the same. 

Angus is the first of Scrooge’s many mentors and easily the best part of this chapter. He’s lively, intresting but a contrast to scrooge, someone whose not AFRAID to work but wouldn’t mind an easy victory or giving up the adventure game, as he ends up doing. He’s a lively, clever guy and very charming. I”ll get back to the mentor part of it in a bit, but needless to say in a chapter that i’ll admit, and get more into the why as we go, is not one of life and time’s better chapters, he’s a highlight.  So the two get to the Dilly Dollar while Hogg decides to follow to find where the Dreeynan Whyte is. As for why he hasn’t drudged it up Angus simply can’t as the Mighty Missisippi’ s too muddy for that, making another mark twain quoted joke about it. But Scrooge mentions the clarity pills from Ratchet, meaning he has a way to do so, and Angus is now elated and decides to head there to get his fortune, specifically near Monkey’s Elbow kentucky, which while relocated slightly to fit the story, is a very real town and an objectively great name for a town, much like Forty Fort, which is also a very real town name. Hogg overhears and after being literally booted out of the boat, as we’ll see literal asskicking is a McDuck family staple, goes to recruit some hired goons. 

Yes hired goons, as every good villian needs some hired goons. And these specific goons.. are a bit.. familiar. And you’ll find out who they are under the cut!

Yup it’s the Secret Origin of the Beagle Boys. And if your wondering “Wait are they immortal too?” well. their not these are their grandpas. Also Hogg’s whole complaint about “wearing them if there yellow” just.. bugs me. They .. they aren’t cowards.. Grandpappy’s just being smart and knows his sons are excessively dumb, as is family tradition. They have no issue with committing crimes, they just don’t want to be arrested by the first Navy boat that finds them. That’s just.. common logic. This is one of Life and Time’s weaker atrributes: Due to being built around barks stories, that means most of his foes here are the random greedy asshats of the week Scrooge faced who had some loophole to his fortune or the grandparents of said assholes. With the exception of hte Beagles, who show up a few times, Glomgold and Soapy Slick who wihle a minor vilian is at the center of one of the best chapters of the story, most of these guys are just forgettable hooligans. Not terrible, and the stories around them are good enough to make it enjoyable but nothing really distinct from what Scrooge normally faced outside of his origin story. Really Barks was simply stronger at STORIES than he was at creating villians: As Magica, The Beagle Boys, Gladstone, Rockerduck and Glomgold all show he wasn’t untalented at it, it’s just more often than not he fell back on some random asshole.

Instead of using a dedicated Rogue’s Gallery of intresting baddies, most writers of most comics just used villians of the week and maybe ONE OR TWO designated hitters. Batman’s Rogue’s gallery wasn’t big enough to form their own country at this point is what i’m saying, it just meant Rosa had to build more vilians of teh week. It dosen’t drag the story down entirely, as the story is about SCROOGE and his growth: sometimes the villians are just a secondary ingrident in a good story. But it’s still something very noticable and one of the weaker parts of the story, it’s just like I said, with the story being more on Scrooge and where a lot of his personality came from, it’s something I really didn’t notice before and really dosen’t bother me now I have. The villians are weak btu the hero is so intresting and grows so much it just dosen’t matter. Their there to provide Scrooge with opportunites to evolve, and the really good ones are saved for the best moments of that and for when a villian IS needed to change scooge as a person. So it all evens out. 

So naturally the next day when the McDucks head to get the pills, Hogg’s beat them to it, and when Ratchet refused to cut cards for his stock had them beat Ratchet while they were at it. Though oddly Angus assumes he’s just passed out while Scrooge is the one to recognize someone knocked him out. You’d think a well experienced guy like Angus would know that eh whatever. Point is Hogg is ahead and Angus dosen’t have a crew... though Scrooge and Ratchet naturally volunteer since both have skin in the game: Scrooge wanted a job with Pothole anyway and Ratchet is out a job and out his pills. Angus gladly takes them on.. but accidently sets the Dominos in place for one of Comics!Scrooge’s worst behaviors down the line. 

Yeahhh.... Pothole is partially responsible for Scrooge criminally underpaying his staff and family. That gag.. is easily one of , if not my least faviorite part about Rosa’s work. It’s a holdover from Carl Barks work naturally, and one that makes some sense: Rosa set his work shortly after barks, so some time in the 1950s, having barks works take place around when they were written. There isn’t a strict timeline of what happened which year outside of life and times, but Rosa’s works are delieberate period pieces. That’s not a bad thing and if he’s going to base most of his stuff around stuff Barks did, then it’s a good call to make.  The issue is the execution: While with Barks it was in part because there was less income inequality, it was also clearly a bit of satire, as Donald was the every man and companies could be unfair, cheap douchebags then as they are now. IT feels more like a joke on Scrooge. Donald still puts up with a lot of stuff, but he’s more liable to complain. In the Rosa stories.. it feels more like he just makes Donald the butt monkey and it dosen’t play well as.. Donald dosen’t want to be there. He has every RIGHT not to want to be there as he’s not being paid a decent wage, not being compensated in any other ways, and could be searching for a boss who actually pays him a living wage. Donald is more the victim in Rosa’s stories but he simply doesn’t realize this, or the fact it’s even worse since Donald is you know RAISING THREE CHILDREN AND SCROOGE KNOWS THIS BUT DOES NOT PITCH IN ONE EXTRA CENT.  So already without even adding the decades on, it hasn’t aged well.. but add in the modern day business where it’s a STRUGGLE to get states to raise minimum wages, the job market was hit horribly even BEFORE Corona came and made things worse, and companies horribly abuse their employees to ludcirous extremes such as time crunch in the video game industry, black friday in retail and of course the house of nightmares that is the amazon warehouse, and I say that being a frequent use of amazon.. just because I rely on a company dosen’t mean I have to LIKE doing so in any way shape or form. 

What i’m saying is Scrooge’s actions were already bad, making this joke fall flat, but it comes off as downright unfunny after all of that. Even given the times Scrooge was raised in it’s just not a funny gag that “oh ha ha a 70+ year old man ever learned right from wrong when it came to paying his family or workers”. It just paints scrooge in the worst light possible as man who never grew, in at least one aspect, from being a goddamn tweenager and is easily one of the weaker moments of an otherwise epic and well crafted saga, and as i’ve said of Rosa’s exemplary work as a whole. 

Anyways the race is on and with the DIlly Dollar gaining on Hogg’s Cotton reiver witch, Hogg has them ram into the boat and flip it over. And no i’m not descrbing a sex act. In a show of competence while Blackheart Beagle’s actions send them close to the falls too he just uses the dilly dollar as a ramp. We also get a really cool flipped over panel as our heroes are waterlogged. A snag boat shows up, I assume it removes snags and dangerous objects and complains about rescuing them. .even though CLEARLY they had some kind of accident. It’s.. never a good look to complain about having to save someone’s life or livelyhood unless that someone is Tucker Carlson. Then it’s ABSOLUTLEY okay to grumble a bit about having to do the right thing. 

So after a quick gag we’re introduced to a chekovs gun as a massive tree sprouts out of the river and spooks Scroogey.. and Angus who explains it’s a “sawyer”, something that happens when a dead tree falls in a river.. sinks in.. and then can rise right back up suddenly, violently and boat destroyingly. 

So our heroes head on and find the location and Angus dumbly assumes that Hogg, who had a clear start is just lost.. and not you know lurking in the bushes watiting to strike. And strike he does as he once again rams hard and long into the Dilly Dollar, leaving it on a sandy shore. Schwing. Our heroes are landlocked but Hogg, just to earn himself a dare to be stupid award, gives the Beagles their deed, and tells them theirs diving equipment. You can take a wild guess what happenes next. 

Angus understandably laughs at his misfortune because it’s funny.. and Hogg responds by dropping him down a well. Before Scrooge can raise a benefit concert to send his love down a well, Angus asks Scrooge to join him instead.. and soon we find out why as the Beagles only find a wrecked town. Turns out thats where Monkey’s Elbow WAS, and they build the new town near it.. with the farm Angus ended up at being where the wreck is now. 

Our heroes explore the wreck which honestly, looks really damn impressive, a muddy destroyed riverboat hauntingly beautifully lit by candle light, which Scrooge is holding naturally. I may of had my criticisms for Rosa this chapter, and I will again, but it’s moments like this that reinforce that the man is still one of the best comic book artists i’ve ever seen and knows how to beautifully meld his art with storytelling. 

Speaking of which our heroes find the safe with the money. Angus is ritch but Scrooge.. dosen’t get how he can be happy. Scroogie questions “How much satisfaction can there be in having your life’s fortune handed to you? “ It’s easily the best moment of the chapter.. while it’s only two panels before we get to Angus moving things right along... it really speaks to Scrooge’s character. Even as still a naive boy from Glasgow... his whole life has been hard work, effort working your way up. To just.. LUCK into fortune like this baffles him. To be satisfied with that and not seem to have any amibation to use it to go further, to make more of yourself. To be more. While he hasn’t quite got his love for adventure yet, we’ll get there next time, even now there’s a hunger inside him, a desire to not just get rich, that’s all fine and good.. btu to have EARNED IT. To truly feel like he made his way. 

And it perfeclty makes sense with his background: Scrooge was raised with nothing, and found out at the start of the story his family had lost everything, a once glorious clan reduced to a poor starving family on the edge of Glasgow. To him it can’t just be about getting Money.. he wants to bring his clan back. To make his family happy and proud. To make sure his father’s faith as the last of their line wasn’t misplaced. He has a lot of expectation on him and that’s bred his character. Angus.. just sorta left at a young age and has been incommuincado. He dosen’t really care about family or legacy.. not that I don’t think he would’ve sent some money back to buy the castle, I just think he was never that concerned with his family’s legacy like Scrooge despite coming from a similar cloth. He wanted the money, but Scrooge cares about the money.. and his family. It’s what anchors him. What keeps him from his worst impulses and keeps him grounded.. for now anyways but that’s a ways off. Point is it really speaks to Scrooge’s character. 

But soon the beagles find our heroes, and a fight breaks out.. and naturally even without years of experince yet, Scrooge is still a McDuck and while previously his fighting was based on ingunity.. this time the little runt’s just out for blood and suprises the beagles with a clump of mud and then beating the shit out of them. When one of them tries to respond by wacking him with a piece of wood... he instead breaks a collumn and with the dreenan unable to handle the mud without it... the place starts to collapse. However our heroes don’t make it out unschathed as the Beagles capture them and the gold... for some reason. Seriously Scrooge dosen’t fight back or anything nor does angus they just.. let hte beagles overpower them. WHen Scrooge fully fought the grown ass men just a few mintues ago. What the actual hell. 

But we do get another Badass Scrooge Moment, as once hteir on the ship, Scrooge mentions another treasure.. which baffles Angus despite you know.. the boy clearly playing at something. Yeah whlie I do like Angus.. he can be grating in parts and here he just comes off REALLY stupid. But after being tortured by running on a boat, with the beagles mistaking Angus’ genuine confusion for being a bastard man, which naturally their impressed by, Scrooge fessses up.. and you can see exactly’s coming.. the sawyer raises the boat into the air and harpoons it. The beagles try to play off the port authority but scrooge unmaks those “infamous beagle boys”.. and thus names one of his greatest threats. Blackheart vows revenge while our heroes go for a sasparillia..though Scrooge keeps the money.. as he says the memory of that adventure is worth more than anything. As for the Gold, the goverment took it back, but did give them a reward, and Angus only dosen’t give Scrooge a share because he’d have to refloat it, but offers him a job and the dollar in two years at a bargin price. Alls well that ends well. A truly poetic way to end the chapter and prepare scrogoe for the next... TO BE CONTINUED...

FINAL TH...

Yeah.. as you probably know this is NOT the end of the chapter. Instead we go on for a bit more. And a few more pages would’ve been fine, to help bridge the gap.. we see scrooge get the Dollar at a bargin price as his uncle promised, though the deal turns out to be a bit of a lemon as the riverboat industry has dried up. But then.. we get a couple page adventure with the beagle boys, where the beagles try to steal the goverment gold scrooge is transporting, Ratchet helps him escape, and we DO get the utterly badass image of scrooge driving the boat onto land and it exploding and causing a massive flood> While that is awesome.. the pacing just takes a huge hit and it’s easily why this chapter is one of my least faviorite. It probably would’ve been better if they just had a passage of time montage of events at the start of the next chapter and ended on that bit before.. but instead it just goes on a bit and really tries my patience every time as instead of moving on to a bold new adventure.. we just get some filler to help pad things out so Rosa can get it to the right page length. I don’t blame him, sometimes shit happens, but it dosen’t make it any more fun to read.  So the Dollar is scrapped and Scrooge is back at the bottom with barely a cent to his name. But he’s resolute: since the river boating days were winding down anyway he’s going west to become a cowboy, and heads off on the Wabash Cannonball as a fireman, i.e. the guy who stokes the engines, to make his way there. So we end our story for now and again.. this would’ve been much better condensed but whatever. We’re finally done. 

Final Thougts

As you could probably tell but I saved for here, and I outright even said this is one of my least faviorite chapters and one of the weakest if not the weakest. Part of it is the structure issue I mentioned, but the other part is it just.. isn’t as intresting at least to me personally. The rest of life and times have pretty unique stories that while not removed from genres Scrooge stories have covered, use the story of his rise to make them really pop as we slowly see how the iconic Scrooge we know became the legend and what shaped him that way. Here while we get bits of that, it’s mostly just a standard uncle scrooge story but with him as a kid. It’s not a BAD one, it dosen’t drag the whole of life and times down and it’s servicable but it just feels a bit more standard for Rosa’s work. Still enjoyable, but nothing really spectacular like the next two chapters. On it’s own or as one of the side stories it would’ve been fine but as part of this huge sprawling masterpiece, it’s just a bit underwhelming and just makes me eager to get to the next part every time rather than really suck me in as much as the others. Again the pacing dosen’t help with that and only makes it drag further. It just dosen’t have the weight the other ones do character wise and as such just makes me want to get to part 3 already, which naturally that story within a story dosen’t help with. Overall while not a bad comic, I don’t think any part of life and times is truly bad, it’s still not a GREAT comic like what’s to come or what came just before. 

NEXT TIME ON LIFE AND TIMES: Scrooge heads out to the wild wild west.. though instead of a giant mechanical spider he fights some cattle rustlers and meets Teddy Roosevelt HELL. YES. 

Until then, happy holidays and later days!

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales 87 Review: A Whale of A Bad Time (Catch as Cash Can Part 2)

A SEA MONSTER ATE MY ICE CREAM! Yup come with me under the cut as I cover one of the most infamous moments of all Ducktales.. and the absolutely bonkers episode attached involving robot ice cream trucks, giant robotic whales, Optimus Prime as a navy admiral, and semen.. er seaman Donald Duck!  All of this and more commissioned by @weirdkev27​ is waiting under the ocean and under the cut! Come aboard!

So yeah....

And not the adventure time or regular show or what have you kind of intetionally weird I mean all the elements just sort of conjeal into a mess of poor decisions in and out of universes, robotic whales and the most insane scheme to get a noble peace prize of all time. If that and the intro didn’t hook you I don’t know what will, let’s do this. 

PREVIOUSLY ON DUCKTALES:

Okay maybe not THAT previously... guess I gotta do this myself. *Grumble grumble* : Last time we met a steoyptical-ish foreign leader give Scrooge and Glomgold a deadline to literally weigh their fortunes in his country at ten days, with Glomgold’s sending the Beagle Boys after Scrooge in an attempt to cheat.. and springing from jail in a giant blimp shaped like a cow because your guess is as good as mine. Scrooge naturally won and here we are. As said last time, these episodes were still basically written as done in ones, able to be digested on their own, just with the overall framework of the four parter, in this case Scrooge and Glomgold’s contest, tieing it together. So with that out of the way. 

We open as Duckburg is hit with a heatwave. 

No that’s Heat Wave.. and besides he works out of central city, not Duckberg silly.. wherever those images come from.. me I guess? I dunno. Point is the boys are sweaty and uncomfortable, just like me 90 percent of the time, and decide to cool off by visiting Scrooge’s new ice cream factory for free samples. We’re only about a minute, and a recap about the contest on the news, in and already the characters this episode are acting kind of dumb.. get used to it. One of Scrooge’s primary, most consistent, most iron clad character traits is he does NOT give away something for nothing. Even for Charity he’ll often try and pench pennies and how much he donates, and in older harsher comics like Carl Barks famous “A Christmas For Shacktown” good luck getting him to donate any money to anyone else AT ALL. If he DOES give someone a gift, it’s usually with an alterior motive or some sort of scheme brewing, with Donald or the Nephews or all four rightly questioning him. The idea any factory of any product of his would give out samples unless he got something out of doint so or that they wouldn’t be tiny or use flavors that don’t sell or some cost cutting measure like that is nuts and while it’s not out of the boys characters to be stupid it is a bit for them to just blindly think he’d be okay with this.  Their soon distracted by other matters once they arrive though as the Guard won’t let them in despite being Huey, Dewey and Louie as much like bill and ted their a package deal, and yes they do a team pose and yes.. it’s actually pretty adorable. Again nepotism has never been a trait of scrooges either boys, why would he start now? They try flagging down one of his ice cream  trucks but they totally ignore him. and seem to be driving automatically... they also look human which... yeah. Just.. yeah. The boys are naturally suspicious and plan to ask scrooge at Dinner. This fails because Scrooge isn’t coming and Beakly refuses to let them disturb him on his orders.. and refused to let Webby eat till everyone’s at the table. I’ll come back to Beakly in a second, and there will be blood dumpster. 

The boys sleep that night, but are woken up by the ice cream trucks and wondering why the hell their running at night... which yeah is weird and was a bad part of the plan. We’ll get to why that plan’s a bit totally fucked in a second though as the boys assume someone is doing something shady with scrooge’s company and pull a Marty McFly, attaching their skateboards to a bumper and then hopping onto one of the trucks. And given that Magica, the Beagle Boys and Flintheart have all gone up at scrooge several times at this point judging by the episode guides, not to mention all the one off thieves, scumbags, con artists and warlords they’ve fought, you honestly can’t blame them for being super suspicious. 

Their suspcions of this being some kind of elaborate theft are semeingly confirmed when instead of , and this is really the flavor they use “Bubble Gum Pistachio Fudge” they find Scrooge’s money. And let’s just take a sec to .. unpack that flavor as none of those go together. I mean in a three scoop cone or bowl maybe, but in the same ice cream your just throwing shit together at that point. And the flavor isn’t outlandish enough to really be a good joke.

 I’ts just three flavors jammed together that don’t belong. It’s not like the, ironically in the same year, 87 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle’s love for weird pizza toppings. That.. actually comes off as a joke. It didn’t always land in the episodes i’d seen but I get what their going for. Thanks to this infographic I know they put ALL of this on pizza at some point, omitting actual pizza toppings for obvious reasons: Granola, Licorice, Fudge, Marshmallows, Clams, Peanut Butter, Avacado (Which didn’t sound bad in theory but once I thought about it I winced), Pickles, Asparagus, Butterscotch, Onions (Yes I know this is an actual regular pizza topping but no just.. no.. everyone hones in on anchovies, which i’ve never had but no.. onions are the real scourge of the pizza world), Toast, Tea (okay that one actually shocked me), Clam Sauce, Chocolate Sprinkles, Jelly Beans, Yogurt, Coconut, Strawberries, Oatmeal, Grape Jelly, Gucamole, Tuna, Popcorn, Sardines, Whipped Cream, Bannans and Goulash. The point i’m making is it’s not hard to come up with even a weak wacky flavor of something and it was  a weird line to just utterly botch but they somehow did it. Also that the Teenage Mutant Turtles have serious issues to address. I mean onions, really? onions? Guys you can do better... onions are a next mutation topping!

One Tangent Later, the boys and the trucks arrive at the docks where they see the money filled ice cream trucks loading onto a boat and a shadowy mystery man. Who could it be? My money is on

But my money is always on Crab People. It’s likely why i’m poor. But the boys chuck a bag of cash at him, then Louie... prepares to break his legs with a crowbar?

Seriously the truck was automated and they came straight form home. he had to have brought that with him. Whelp at least Louie has a unique character trait: He likes to make people bleed. I don’t know if that’s necessarily a GOOD thing for a 8-10 year old to want to do but it’s better than nothing. Before Louie can get up to a bit of the ultra violence, Huey finds out it’s Scrooge who explains himself: Naturally the sudden new Ice Cream Factory he built in days right next to the bin is a front, and the trucks are his own, a stealthy way to outfox glomgold. While the news said he was transporting the loot by air, he’s doing it by sea stealthily to prevent glomgold from attacking it. Which given he hasn’t a giant cow Zepplin, fair enough. 

The rest of this though is ludicrously overcomplicated: First off it’s not REMOTELY stealthy to build a giant fake factory next to your bin, days before you transport your cash, something so obvious i’m suprised Glomgold dind’t just come to the factory himself and set some explosives. Second while Robot Drivers isn’t a bad idea, Glomgold has many spies with many eyes, it’s a BIG gamble to both have active trucks around, especially at night carrying large sums of cash. I mean what if the police stopped them? Sure Scrooge could get his money back legally, but Flintheart might get to it first or bribe some cops first. Or some dirty cops might take it for themselves. It’s also WEIRDLY costly for someone as spiendthrift as Scrooge, I mean while he owns the land for the factory he had to buy a ton of trucks, pay for gyro’s, i’m assuming Gyro’s at least, material to make the robots, and pay for the guard to keep people out as well as presumibly either well paid workers or more robots inside to get the money into the trucks. It’s just hilariously overcomplicated and while not an intentional joke clearly got a laugh out of me as it just makes no logical sense for scrooge’s character and he’s done similar ideas for far less money in the comics. It’s a carl barks style “hide the money bin’s cash” plot, funnled through bloodshot eyes of someone having done a small mountain of cocaine to get this script done on time and I love it for that. The boys applaud their uncle for his wacky scheme while a mysteroius periscope watches them from a distance. 

The Next Morning Beakly is still awful as despite everyone being there, she now refuses to let Webby eat till everyone’s settled. And NOW we can talk about 87 Beakly. I don’t like her. She’s had one or two moments in the episodes I watched, but outside of that she’s a bland character who mostly fusses over the boys and webby, worries things are too dangerous, or is there for a weak joke. She’s just not all that intresting, and while i’ll grant the 87 Ducktales cast isn’t the deepest set of characters and the boys can be annoying depending on the episode.. their at least INTRESTING. The boys are clever, rambunctions and curious, Webby has all of that and an underlying swetness that while cloying at times is mostly just really endearing, Launchpad is a klutz and a crash magnet but means well and keeps trying and genuinely is a good scoutleader and person, and Scrooge despite his rough edges is a hardscrabbled adventuerer. The rest of the main cast here at least has a drive and character to them that makes the stories work when their at their best. Beakly is just kinda.. there. Why I also go into this is because 87 Webby gets a lot of shit.. and she really dosen’t deserve it. Yes she’s clearly a studio executives idea of what a little girl should like and that’s bad. And yes she got kidnapped a bunch.. but so did everyone else. But she makes up for that by being the heart of the team, offering love and empathy to all of them, easily bonding with varous animals and people they meet, and genuinely offering a naive but optimistic worldview that nicely contrasts with scrooge and the boys understandable cyncism. And she CAN handle herself more often than not. Wheras frank and co basically took almost everything about beakly and started over with Webby they simply tweaked her for the times: Made her about the same age if not older than the triplets so their equals, took away the triplet’s outdated and utterly loathsome sexisim, and added badassery and intellegence to her already admirable emotional skills and naive optimism, along with some boundless energy on top.They took a decent character and made her an amazing one.  With Beakly.. they took a dodering, easily frightned old lady whose overly proper and stuffy and turned her into a taciturn, snarky, badass former secret agent whose the sanest person in the mansion and when she IS wrong, will not only admit it but usually had some good reason for it. She also goes from being mostly deferent to scrooge to one of his few equals, to the point that the “87 Cent Solution!” lampshades the fact that if they’d called her the episode would’ve been over, as she’s , outside of a few exceptions the one person he listens to. She’s a throughly likeable, throughly complex character and one i’m glad their doing more with this season while I really hope I don’t see the original her more than I have to.  Okay with that rant done for this and any future retro ducktales reviews, we can get to the reason your all here and Kev comissioned me to do all 4 of these episodes: You’ve seen it on youtube, you’ve seen it in “Let’s get Dangerous”, you’ve seen it in dreams, ladies, gentleman and others, A. SEA. MONSTER. ATE. MY. ICE. CREAM. 

As the family sits for pancakes, Wippleman, Scrooge’s accountant and what I can only assume is this universe’s version of WWE manager Harvey Wippleman, comes in and has some bad news for Scrooge: A Sea Monster of some kind sunk one of his ships.. but the good news it was only Ice Cream. Knowing what it really was Scrooge goes absolute APE shit and procedes to hop around the table going absolutely insane, destroying everyone’s breakfast, with poor webby bemoaning she’ll never get to eat, Beakly remarking “it must’ve been some ice cream’ which isnt’ a bad line, Huey explaning what’s up with the weirdly delivered “It was half his fort-une!” and the boys finally restraining Scrooge with an impromptu tablecloth straightjacket, which calms him down and he hops off to get his money back. Wether you’ve seen the scene for yourself and ESPECIALLY if somehow you haven’t, it’s right here if you want to take another look. 

This scene is not only the most remembered part of the special, and easily the most beloved, it’s one of the best scenes in all of Ducktales 87 and easily one of the funniest across duck canon. Everything just clicks: The concept, the animation showing off just how manic scrooge is, how he never does the same move twice, how rather than looping it Alan Young very clearly said the word a bunch of times each time with a different more manic and uniquely hilarious delivery, Beakly’s deadpan reaction, and the boys vain attempts to restrain him before finally succeeding. Everything about this works and in an otherwise just really off center episode, this sparkling gem of a scene stands out. I waited till now to talk about Alan Young’s scrooge and honestly the man defined the roll for a reason: he can do a dramatic or emotional delivery just as effortlessly as a comic bit like this, and plays the character with the sternness and stubbornness expected. He got the character perfectly and it’s unsurprising Frank and Matt wanted him to reprise the roll and he only didn’t because he sadly passed on, though I will say David Tenant is a perfect replacement. Though even HE couldn’t do the Sea Monster Ate My Ice Cream bit as well as Alan, as his felt a bit more stilted and was clearly looped, but really I don’t think anyone could top him at this. It’s his shining moment as the character and he earned it square. 

So getting back to the ten car pileup that is the rest of this episode, the boys and Scrooge head under the sea, doot doot doot, to find his ship. But while under water they instead find the navy who’ve quarantined the ship.. yet aren’t wearing face masks inside their little suits. How odd. Guess the giant glass dome and giant ocean of water between them and the ship helps but still, you can’t be too careful.  Point is both sides are being kind of douchey: The Naval Guards, rather than direct Scrooge to their superior to PROVE it’s his vessel and ask questions to him directly since their aircraft carrier soon turns out not to be far from here just tell him he can’t pass and Scrooge is as bill gerent as you’d expect. I’m not saying people aren’t this dumb in real life, just google any video of a karen of any gender throwing a giant tantrum in a store over masks, i’m just saying i’td be nice to move the plot along without unnecessary cul de sacs.  The boys however naturally have a way around this and sneak in with scrooge on the underside of a sea turtle. It’s a genuinely clever tactic. They find the ship with a large bite out of it.. and the Navy then swoop in to take them in. 

On the ship Scrooge continues to not help his case and pulls a classic old white guy and demands to see their superior. Or white person in particular really. Point is he throws a strop on their way to what could easily be a trip to the brig with his behavior and possible criminal charges, while the boys muse that this is Donald’s ship. For the uninitiated, the in-series reason Donald left the boys for this series was he was called back to the Navy, and thus left the boys with Scrooge. Out of series it was an executive mandate: As Tad Stones, future creator of Darkwing Duck and story editor for Ducktales 87, explained, and I found out about this via looper, Disney was nervous about having one of their biggest characters overexposed by having him as part of 65 episode tv show. This was combined with the fact they were worried Donald’s voice would make stories confusing.  I also believe, if with no proof there was at third reason: Tony Anselmo had just started as Donald Duck, taking over from the late great Clarence Nash at Nash’s request after Nash died in 85, and they likely feared putting Tony through such a ringer this soon might sour audiences on him before audiences had gotten used to the new voice actor. So with all this Donald was kept to the occasional guest roll, though I will say while there have been complaints about Donald’s voice on this show I have no issue with it. It’s not as good as the reboot.. but the reboot also comes after Tony’s been playing the roll for over 30 years and is just as iconic as his predecessor in the roll at this point versus two years after his mentor died and he picked up his sword.. or squawky duck voice in this case. 

Scrooge is escorted to Admiral Grimitz, the head of this aircraft carrier whose showed up in other Donald episodes, specifically his segment of the Treasure of the Golden Suns series opener. He’s the gruff but mostly fair head of the ship and is voiced by, of all the va’s possible, Peter “Optimus Prime” Cullen, using a voice that is DIFFRENT but not by much. It’s hard not to be distracted by it. The Admiral waves scrooge off from his entirely justified fear the Army stole his money, but refuses to give any details since i’ts classified. Scrooge angrily.. decides to do the next shipment anyway and tells them to stay out of it instead of calling the president like he threatened to get some answers. Or threaten to pull funding for his military contracts. I know Scrooge never would, but they don’t know that. It’s just.. odd to see scrooge give up and it would’ve made more sense if the Admiral threatened legal action first or something that would get him to back off.  The Admiral then brings in Donald, and gives him the truth: Their own scientist, Dr. Bluebottle, stole an experimental sub shaped like a whale and stole the money for reasons they don’t know. So since he can go undercover easily, he sends Donald to go with scrooge and slaps a transmitter on him so they can track him. Donald also does some slapstick. That’s my boy. And yes it was a very nice surprise to see him again since i’d forgot he was in this episode. Especially since aside from “The Trickining!” he hasn’t been in any episodes since Ducktales came back. Justifably though as none of those NEEDED him and the show’s massively improved from it’s “donald might as not well exist” days of season 1, I just miss him is all and it’s nice to see some form of him again.  And this is where the episode kinda lost me, as this scheme, while not really out of the bounds of the reality, just.. feels like it overcomplicates the plot for the sake of padding. I mean I buy the Government going iwth a far more complex plan to cover their own asses.. but it would’ve made more sense from a plot standpoint to have it go this way: The Admiral is honest with Scrooge, tells him about bluebottle.. and threatens him into helping them by pointing out he broke into a federal quarantine and defined naval orders and could be brought up on charges, and if he tired telling anyone about Bluebottle could likewise be tried for leaking federal secrets. That way instead of using an unknowing scrooge as bait he goes into the situation KNOWING he’s probably going to get captured and while grumbly about it uses it to his advantage. Donald could still plausibly be sent along as naval lisaon/as a seemingly nice act/to have the bug to track the sub. Instead it just feels like they added an extra uncessary step to things to pad the episode more. I mean if you needed to do that just add more of the sea monster or give launchpad a cameo. He’s been missing for days at this point. 

So Scrooge and family, which naturally includes Webby and Beakly even if I don’t like classic bleakly she’s still family, head out with the second half of his fortune which makes next to no sense when he has days left in the concept and you know, half is missing, but whatever. Naturally the obvious happens and we meet the famous Sea Monster.. which actually looks neat.. it’s drawn like your standard cartoony killer whale but has bits of indents much like a sub would to show it’s not entirely a beast. It’s a nice bit of design work. The whale eats the cash and Donald and Scrooge but the navy pick up the boys, webby and beakly.  Donald let’s things slip on the sub, while back at the carrier the good Admiral explains the rest and my other issues with the plot aside this scene is a good bit of exploition as it explains some obvious questions away cleverly, something this plot could’ve used more of frankly but it’s refreshing to get at least a little: The reason they don’t just attack the sub en masse, besides it being you know incredibly valuable is that it’s made to be torpedo resistant, it’s sonar resitant so they can’t track it easily, and it’s faster than any ship. After all it was made to be a super weapon, so naturally the carriers standard barrage of navy vehicles can’t match it. However again to the episodes credit the tracker is actually vitally important, as it allows them to see the ship and where it is, so they can attack.. though right now their holding off on it since a crewman and a civilian are on board but if it comes down to it they’ll have no choice. I also gotta admit..t his concept is pretty cool. Kind of ridiculous? Sure but a super sub shaped like a whale that can still bite like one and outrun and outlast any other sea vehicle? It’s undoubtly awesome and a point in this episodes favor.  But now we get to most gloriously insane and convoluted part of the episode.. yes NOW we do. Donald and Scrooge naturally sneak around the ship, and find Dr. Bluebottle at his controls, talking to Flintheart on a video monitor. Turns out, to no one’s surprised, Flintheart subcontracted out his plans to Bluebottle and in exchange for keeping the money under the ocean till the contest, Glomgold is going to make sure he gets the Nobel Prize, and covers on all the magazines.  Okay at first I genuinely thought this plan made no sense.. until I realized it does, but ONLY for Glomgold. Bluebottle comes off as the smartest moron that’s ever lived for agreeing to any of this. But I have to give Glommy this the plan works out great for him: He convinces an already Rogue scientist to steal scrooge’s money, which prevents Scrooge from finding out what’s going on as he, correctly, guessed the government would cover this up because of course they did. He then correctly figured either the government would work with scrooge to trap bluebottle or they’d just use scrooge as bait anyway without a formal agreement, thus netting him scrooge’s entire fortune. He knows bluebottle won’t take it up because he gave bluebottle a bribe specifically for him and the only thing he wants, and even if he does take the money, Glomgold has more and Bluebottle could still remotely blow up the sub or something. And if he can’t the Navy would have to hold the sub, and money included , as evidence for the trial. And even if Bluebottle DOES rat him out, Glomgold could easily bury the evidence. The only way glomgold gets caught is if Bluebottle recorded their video chats or if scrooge saw them talking.. which he did, but given the two are direct competitors his testimony is dubious at best as is donald’s. So basically Flintheart almost certainly wins no matter what, and Bluebottle takes the fall no matter what. It does make Bluebottle comeff as a massive moron for not thinking of this, but props to glomgold.  Also yeah.. it’s clear to me at this point that if he hasn’t said it somewhere Frank clearly did the same thing he did with Gyro here with Flintheart: Take one accidental trait from the original (Glomgold’s penchant for overly complicated schemes and Gyro’s tendency to make robots that go rogue.) and make it a part of their personality instead of just a coincidence and turn it up to 11 for hilarity.. which worked in both cases. I genuinely thought this Flintheart was saner but no he’s just less interesting.  So Bluebottle gets an intruder alert.. and turns around to find Scrooge and Donald. Who rather than just whap the guy on the head while his back is turned, just stood there to confront him directly. 

Look this review is running long and is behind, I don’t have more time to marvel over how plot conveniently stupid they are being right now. A fight ensues with blue bottles inventions till Donald threatens to pull a big lever. I’ts thankfully not the self destruct lever like Donald thinks or Bluebottle’s equivlent of the blow up the engine button because he’s clearly just that smart, but a lever to dump all the gold.. which isn’t a terrible idea for once as if the ship gets stalled it can float up, as we’ll naturally see as there was no way they weren’t going to pull this chekov’s lever at some point. Scrooge stops him, Bluebottle uses gadgets to tie both up and finds out about the bug , as that’s why the miltary have been able to attack him which happened but I didn’t get to becuse of all the stupid. Bluebottle snuffs it out and then fully assaults the aircraft carrier, and things look grim. But Scrooge and Donald aren’t put down that easily and escape and scrooge pulls a donald and just starts breaking shit and breaks the sub.  Now with the sub plumiting, and Bluebottle bragging that only he can fix it as the sub will just keep sinking into the ocean’s depths.. and that only it’s design has kept compression from crushing them to death. But Scrooge has another solution and a suprisingly, and badassingly self sacrifical one: He dumps the money into the marinara trench, nice pun, and thus the whale floats up, Bluebottle is arrested, and Glomgold... still wins for now as Scrooge still has to get his fortune out, but Scrooge figures Gyro can help with that. We get an everybody laughs ending and we’re out. 

Final Thoughts: This one is a mess. While it has a great moment here or there, Donald and Tony as him are fantastic as they are now, and of course A Sea Monster Ate My Ice Cream! is an utterly classic scene and an utter joy to watch. The attached episode is just a mess structurally, if still a fun watch. Yes despite my bitching about it the sheer slapped together nature of it means it’s fun to pick apart and make fun of, so it’s not unwatchable. I’ve seen worse episodes of this very show, and worse episodes of tv. But as an old friend would say.

Not a terrible sit, but it easily could’ve been better. I’m also getting tired of scrooge being enitrely usless and just throwing up his hands at times. Stop that he’s better than that. With this one THANKFULLY AND FINALLY out of the way, next up is Aqua Ducks....... 

Oh god. Well if you want to see the next one follow me. If there’s an episode of any animated show you’d like to see me cover classic ducktales, modern ducktales, disney in general, etc, etc, just send me a PM and you can comission a review. 5 bucks for one episode, 15 for a movie and 5 bucks off one episode when you order three or more like say a multiparter like this. Until then say safe, check your house for Busey’s and hopefully we’ll meet again.