#forgotten memorys are very gay. 10/10

[the-anon-scp-confessions]

6/10 of the most recently posted romance articles are lesbians and Forgotten Memories is a (wonderful) thing. We genuinely don't need more wlw on the wiki - more is better but the wiki isn't weird and misogynistic about female gay relationships like actual fandoms often are from what I can see? If y'all aren't reading it that's not my problem but I'm being weird and desperate about the gay men for a reason ok! There's actually a lot less!

- the yaoi anon

A lot less male gay representation in media in general. We do need the good healthy, but also the side that shows how toxic it could potentially be.

I, personally, do not want a cookie cutter stereotypical MLM relationship where it's the gay dads trope or the obvious hyper-fem x very much more masculine dude. I want one where they have actual character, personalities, and so much more.

Representation does matter.

[pxsserine]

oh what am i waiting for? a spell to be cast or for it be be broken? at the very last some wild ghost from my past come to split me wide open?

01.DOSSIER — 02.SKELETON — 03.TASKS — 04.STARTERS

quote from "white out" by aurora engle-pratt + art from speculations by sarah meyohas

FACECLAIM — manny jacinto. CHARACTER NAME — dr. jomari aquino. not that he knows the dr part of things. NICKNAME(S) — please just call him jo. he'll also accept robin, but he might take a second to parse it. GENDER/PRONOUNS — cis man, he/him. SEXUALITY — gay. very much so. HEIGHT — 5' 10".

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES — sharp jawline, hair that always seems to be getting in his eyes despite his best efforts, long limbs, a general sense of poise no matter the situation, which is contrasted with the way he seems to need to fidget with something no matter what. also, the way that he genuinely seems to look put together all the time— if you see him ruffled, that's a sign of him trusting you. but even with that, he can't quite escape a vague air of melancholy.

(finally— he has a crescent moon tattoo on his left ribcage, but no one has probably seen that.)

APPEARS (THE AGE AT TIME OF DEATH) — thirty-five. BIRTHDAY — may 10th. PLACE OF BIRTH — jersey city, new jersey. NATIONALITY — american.

FAMILY INFORMATION — his mother was a nurse and his father was a baker. his mother's side of the family was slightly affluent in the philippines, but it didn't factor much into his day to day life. he also had an older sister, mayumi, who half raised him and half was his closest friend for most of his life.

CAUSE OF DEATH — tripped and hit his head while confronting his partner/being told uncomfortable truths about himself.

TRAITS — + cautious, gentle, intelligent. - codependent, obstinate, withdrawn.

LIKES — mid-century modern furniture, 80s ballads, the smell of bread baking, a gentle quiet, wandering through near vane, freshly ironed clothing, artful clutter, sweater vests, dark chocolate, not having people pry into his business.

DISLIKES — the way that memory hangs like a knife over him, stains, when people bluster their way through things, emotional intimacy, the general existence of his bardo, again REALLY hates it when people are wrong but act like they aren't, dishonesty, when something is done wrong when it could have easily been done right, also... genuine mess.

HOBBIES — baking anything and everything, interior decorating (he tends to pretend to go antiquing in near vane), catching up on all of the media that he's forgotten (film, theater, books, music, you name it— the one thing he hasn't quite gotten a handle on his video games), does doing his job count as a hobby? because it genuinely is one for him.

HABITS — drumming his fingers in pattern he can't quite place, idly fixing wrinkles in his clothes and other people's, twisting at his watch (does it work? no. does he still wear one? yes! it feels comfortable for some reason), and he has a tendency to bring his hands or fiddle at the back of his neck when he's nervous.

EXTRAS —

playlist.

pinterest.

CHARACTER TROPES + INSPIRATIONS — ianto jones (torchwood) // a long standing question of the line between kindness and goodness // clear eyed logic // myfanwy thomas (the rook) — "dear you, this body that you're wearing used to be mine" // helen's eidolon // alphonse elric (fma) // the typhoon album "offerings"

MEMES —

MORAL ALIGNMENT — lawful neutral. ZODIAC/NATAL CHART — taurus sun, gemini moon, libra rising. MBTI — INFJ-T. ENNEAGRAM — 5w6.

[absolutebl]

Do you have any bl recs that are very realistic with angst? I'm kinda in the mood for sadness lol

BL That is VERY realistic with ANGST

The "very realistic" is the hard part. All BLs take artistic license in pursuit of some kind of cohesive story. And, you probably mostly want Japan and Taiwan.

Let's see what I can do?

Realistic High Angst From Taiwan

Your Name Engraved Herein (netflix?) - this is the winner, it's an amazing historical piece, painful but beautiful

Also its oft forgotten "sister" piece, Red Balloon , not sure where to find it but very few have seen it, it's worth looking for if this is your thing.

About Youth, Gaga

My Tooth Your Love, Viki - the premise seems odd but it's very endearing and quite complex

Some shorts to consider :

Faded,

Innocent,

Light,

The Immeasurable

Realistic High Angst from Japan

His (movie is my preference but the series might also fit the bill)

Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese

Junjou Pure Heart

Candy Color Paradox

Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai (I Only Want to Keep Looking at You)

Life: Love on the Line, Viki (go for the director's cut)

Restart After Come Back Home, Gaga? Viki? (not sure who has this one anymore)

Jack O Frost

Tokyo in April Is... Gaga

Realistic High Angst From Thailand (yes really)

Love of Siam

Love Sick

Dew the Movie (it's your funeral)

Maybe My only 12%?

I Told Sunset About You and the follow up

Present Perfect and Present Still Perfect (this is an intersting one as far as I know it's the first out gay director prestige piece from Thailand.)

Once in Memory (short)

Moonlight Chicken (review here)

Only Friends, YT (not quite BL, very queer messy gays, Thailand's answer to Queer as Folk)

I Am Your King 1 (but it's a pulp)

And weirdly you could throw some aspects of Love By Chance in there.

I still will never recommend Grey Rainbow. Sorry.

You might try tracking down the Saneha stories too.

And a bit from Korea

Although this will always feel a bit staged and arranged. Korea doesn't do much gritty realism, they prefer their pain performative.

To My Star and (more importantly) To My Star 2

Blueming, Viki

The Eighth Sense, Viki

The New Employee, Viki

Unintentional Love Story, iQIYI

And 2 Others

Like In The Movies, Pinoy YT

Goodbye Mother, Vietnam netflix maybe?

Unlike most of my posts none of these recs promise an HEA. You have been warned.

I pretty much fleeced from my prestige BL list (just add angst):

You could always take a risk and try some of these too...

K' that's more an enough to me going on with and I am SURE there are some you haven't seen. I'm equally sure I have missed some since there are ones that often life at the bottoms of my personal list and I have only ever watched one.

(source)

[lgbtlunaverse]

I think i need to explain why this line makes me go so feral

I think the "fine! I'll kill myself after I kill you" line from nie mingjue in chapter 49 permanently altered my brain chemistry and it has something to do with precisely how i got into the mdzs fandom space in the first place.

I've mentioned it a few times but i started watching the untamed in late 2019 right as it was blowing up everywhere and, likely due to a combination of undiagnosed adhd wrecking my ability to be interested in anything for longer than 4 seconds and me very much not being used to the specific style of acting, especially during fightscenes, i never finished it. The only concrete memory i have of it is seeing wen qing's face and meng ziyi completely short circuiting my little gay brain. I remember more of staring endlessly at pictures of her than I remember of the plot. Press F to pay respects.

Flash forward a few years and a friend recommends me a fic writer for an fma fic (the fic riter in question is metisket) and i like their stlye so much i decide to read other stuf they've written. Here we get to our prime suspect: "the one body problem" a genuinely hilarious fic where jingyi gets posessed by wei wuxian like a year before the plot happens and they become awkward brain buddies. 10/10 i loved it (and still do) even though i remember huasiang showing up in my first reading and I, having fully forgotten his name, had no fucking clue what was going on. (Little did i know...)

Anyway flash forward ANOTHER year and I decide to reread that fic, and then the other untamed fic metisket wrote, a wen qing time travel fix it that's also real fun. And then i'm like. huh. that's fun. wonder if there's anything in their bookmarks.

And then, within 20 days, I had read approximately 350 fics. Many of them 100k+ words. I cannot stress enough how much this CONSUMED my brain's ability to do or think about anything else. I now think back to the early days of getting my adhd diagnosis and insisted that while i had pretty much all other symptoms, I did not get hyperfixations. Lol. Lmao, even.

I am mainly focused on wangxian and the junior quartet becuase they are my baby ducklings and i love them. I do come across some 3zun fics and I think huh... this is interesting. But the 3zun brainrot is LIGHT at this point.

The thing about reading more than 350 fanfics is that at some point you kind of piece the plot of the source material back together backwards. Especially because my favorite genre was time travel fix its, where characters relive the whole plot and like to make allusions to all the ways everything went wrong last time.

Because I'm still squarely in my wangxian + juniors (plus a heavy dosis of yunmeng sibling reconciliation) corner here... the feelings on jin guangyao in my fandom corner are. different from where I'd end up soon after. He is my special little guy though, so I do kind of immediatley develop a fondness for him, and I approach my 3zun and early nieyao thoughts specifcially from the assumption that the widespread opinion is that nie mingjue is a fine good guy and jgy is the evil one (I have not seen the bad nmj takes yet. well... I am seeing DIFFERENT bad nmj takes but they're nice to him. In, like, the wrong way. With no solid undertanding of the inherent tragedy at the heart of him that makes him so blorbo to me. But still.) major reactions to the stairs scene as I see them on twitter are "girlboss! He should've kicked him harder 💅"

And the baby jgy apologist in me goes :/ me no likey. And at this point I am also actively seeking out metas and analysis posts so i'm seeing some better opinions than that and getting a halfway solid graps on the themes. wwx and jgy being foils becomes very obvious to me very quickly. So, with my curent understanding of the plot, I go... you know all you people who are like "god i wish nmj would have killed jgy sooner" it uhh... kinda sounds like he'd have died if he did that. If he'd killed him before meng yao had gone off to spy there is a very big chance they'd have lost the sunshot campaign and most of the main cast would be dead. If he'd killed him at the stairs that's... well that's killing your sworn brother, which by the canon's own admission is a universally reviled crime, and jin guangshan could easily take advantage of this by demanding nmj's head in retribution, since he already wanted to get rid of him anyway. He doesn't give a fuck about a-yao of course but he could pretend well enough that he does. And what leg would nmj have to stand on? The jin clan is canonically both willing and able to slaughter entire clans for the murder or attempted murder of the leader or his family, and nie mingjue is the kinda guy who'd immediately offer himself up if it meant the rest of his clan would be spared.

This combined with jin guangyao specifcally dying for his murder of nie mingjue, with huaisang basically not caring much about everything else he does and wanting to get revenge only for his brother, it gives nieyao a sort of mutual doomed soulmates feel. For either of them, killing the other would spell death for themselves. They either both die or they both live, one cannot live on without the order. That's crunchy. I like it.

The fire palace though? well, on meng yao's part there is a real argument that if he'd let nmj get killed immediatly instead of dragging it out he wouldn't have been able to get wrh alone and distracted enough to assasinate him, so that's one half of the mutual doom coin, and if nmj had killed him during their fight there he's also done for. But after? Right before Xichen intervenes? I had no answer for that yet.

(You know what's coming. I did not)

It is at this point that i realize that if this is gonna keep being A Thing then i need to read the source material before I catch fatal fanon poisoning. Yes, I can piece together the plot and themes from seeing what stays consistent across fics and what are the author's own opinons. But I know just as well that sometimes fanon just agrees on shit that didn't happen and treats it like canon, and I have no way of knowing which is which. So I start reading the novel.

And of course, eventually I get to the empathy sequence. And remember, my "nieyao both live or both die" theory is heavy on my mind at this point, and the only stickler is that nmj could sort of have killed meng yao after the confrontation with wrh, still believing meng yao was actually working for him, and not a spy, and get off... not scott-free, Xichen won't be happy, but it's not gonna cost him his life.

And then I read THIS.

Please Imagine dropping a whole block of pure elemental sodium into water. Except the sodium is this quote and the water is my poor little delicate brain. Not only is my theory right, it is ten times more unhinged than i thought it was.

And considering that Nie Mingjue does not seem like the kind of guy who'd consider something like a life debt to have an expiration date, and because after this he will link himself legally and socially to jin guangyao as family and declare that one among their brotherhood turning against the others is to be met with a painful death, I can no longer read the scene at the stairscase in jinlintai without the impression that he is still planning to die afterwards. Which, if you wanted to make that scene even more painful, this is a very efficient way of losing all your remaining hinges.

I think I'd have gone crazy about this line no matter what context I heard it in, but this one specifically? where I'm already obsessed with idea of nieyao's deaths being connected by the narrative and missing just this one piece and having it confirmed? out loud? from one of the characters himself? It's like giving cocaine to a baby.

[lifenconcepts]

Your Assumptions of me ((I copied the Text)) ->

I presume you probably carried around some sort of toy as a child, you liked to do things by yourself in group projects at school, may have had a certain activity you looked forward spending with a certain person before that person and you grew apart, have a blurry concept of what interests you and more or less just point out things when you see them with “yeah I like/ don’t like that”, have had some odd fandom in the past you swore nobody has ever heard of but you probably sort of forgot now and/or realised that you aren’t the only one, played some sort of silly flash game riddled with dozens of ads, have possibly fallen for one of those “free so and so here!” Ads, in the family gay at school possibly played the mother and/or pet, have some stuff for hobbies you haven’t touched in years, constantly judge your own art despite it being absolutely beautiful, have some sort of hanging decoration on your walls, have a distinct smell of which you associate your childhood with yet can’t pinpoint it, have had certain beliefs/actions/habits you can’t really understand what caused them to form, feel more at home with animals than humans, have probably studied animal behaviour or atleast cats/dogs, own/owned a pet?, have considered something like an exotic creature such as a purple axolotl idk, have made or received a bracelet before, chose shapeshifter if asked what super power you’d like to have.

Let’s go though all of the, shall we.

01. -> I did carry around a Toy as a Child, more specifically Plush Animals. However I only did that as a very Young Kid, because I developed a bit of a Hygiene Funk, meaning I had the Desperate Need to keep all of my Belongings clean, so I stopped bringing my Toys outside with me.

02. -> Yes, very much. I still do, I fucking Hate Group Projects. I either do all the Work, or keep getting forgotten ((mostly the First Option)).

03. -> Again, True. The Activity was just playing on the Playground at School together, and the Person was a Boy, who was known as the Class Clown, and Trouble Maker of our Class. He was a nice kid either Way. We grew Apart after a While.

04. -> True. I always kinda struggle when People//Beings ask me what Interests me, because It’s all somewhat Blurry. I have no Problem what I like, or dislike though, as long as It’s actually sitting in Front of me.

05. -> For me that Fandom was Creepypastas. I know it’s not actually unpopular in English Spaces, but It sure was In Germany. Basically no one around me knew what they even were.

06. -> I did play a Bunch of Silly Games with too many Ads. I don’t know If they Count as Flash Games though. Most of them were either Mobile Games, or Games on a Website that belonged to a German Kids TV Channel, called “Toggo”.

07. -> Surprisingly, I have never actually fallen for any of those Scams. Probably because I was an overly cautious Child.

08. -> Yeah. For the Family Play, I full out refused to be Anything but a Pet. Makes a lot more Sense now. The other Kids started being Super annoyed at me after a while, and just kind of started to stop asking me to Play with them.

09. -> That Hobby is stringing Animals out of Pearls ((I don’t actually know what it’s called)). I still have the Pearls, and the Instructions on how to do it, but I just haven’t touched any of It In Years. Also Diamond Painting. I only own Four, but I still have an unfinished one, that I just haven’t finished. It’s been unfinished for 2 Years now.

10. -> I judge my Art constantly. I definitely am my own Worst Critic.

11. -> I have lots of Hanging Decorations on my Wall, including, but not Limited to, a small Fake Deer Head.

12. -> Yes, definitely. I just started calling the Smell “Nostalgia” in my Head. I mostly seem to smell it in my Grandparents House.

13. -> I can never Pinpoint how literally any of my Believes, and Habits came to be. So this is once again, very much True.

14. -> I always have too. I have certain Memories of me Being at some kind of Farm, or something of the Like, and just being Alone with the Animals, and Full on Avoiding the Humans.

15. -> I studied Animal Behaviours as a Child a Lot. It fascinated me, still does. For both Cats, and Dogs, but also the many Insect I saw In our Backyard. I especially know a Lot about Cat Behaviour, since I quite literally grew up with them.

16. -> My Mother has owned a Lot of Cats over the Years, and the occasional Dog. There has literally not been a Single Year In my Life where we did not have some Kind of Pet.

17. -> A Snake actually. I still do want to get one eventually, though only when I have the Money for It.

18. -> I made Bracelets exactly once, and for some Reason that Memory has burned Itself into my Mind. I kind of want to get Into Kandi though.

19. -> Yes. I’m Non-Human, with many Kintypes, what Super-Power did you expect me to choose ?

HOW did I get all those things right!? Also, truly, you’re so fascinating and I would just love to go for a stroll in the dark night within your mind, like an old man with a cane on an overgrown path, I want to venture into the woods and get lost and found by something so much more than just another person, to find myself within whoever finds me - do you understand?

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Domestic Fluff (2) Masterlist

2009, 2012, 2019, 2022 (ao3) - OliveTheHobbit

Summary: “Most people have like yearly photo books, we have this weird ass videos” - Daniel Howell, some bloopers from phil is not on fire 10.

Some of the memories they gathered along the way got fresh in their minds at the moment they decided to buy a photo album.

In celebration to Dan and Phil’s 10th anniversary.

adapt (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: this is the story of how dan grew to love neon lights

A Day in the Life of Dan and Phil in Quarantine! (ao3) - silentdescant

Summary: Phil posts a Day in the Life video of a typical day in quarantine.

a room full of my safest sounds (ao3) - snsk

Summary: day five: domestic fluff

A Sleepless Night With Phil (ao3) - Not_Dans_Secret_Account

Summary: A jet-lagged Sleepless Night With Phil

baby blue and bubblegum pink (ao3) - phantasticworks

Summary: Dan paints his nails. Phil wants to try it.

Basically I’m Gay (ao3) - ChainedKura

Summary: Dan is editing his coming out video when a deep sadness takes over his body. Lucky for him, he counts with a Phil Lester on his side that will do everything in his power to make his partner feel better.

blankets, coffees and afternoon naps (ao3) - zsunsetz

Summary: Blankets, coffee and afternoon naps have become the new normal.

Coming Clean and Kisses on Screen (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Dan and Phil are finally ready to make the news of their marriage and their new family public.

Dan and Phil and DOG (ao3) - nivi_chip

Summary: It’s Phil’s birthday, and Dan gets him a gift that’s long overdue

Dan and Phil Make 'Food Stew' - The Howlter Family Edition (ao3) - gerardopoly

Summary: Dan and Phil feature their son Dil in a special episode of their "baking" series. They both had thought it would be a great way to display their relationship as a family on film, and a way to change their content up a bit. However, the roles are switched around when the couple play the sous chefs, and their son, as the head chef. Come on down and learn to make the perfect 'food stew' on this special episode of cooking with Dan and Phil (+ Dil).

Doing Nothing Often Leads To The Very Best Of Something (ao3) - kae_karo

Summary: based on this (x) and a lil imagine i wrote (x) and expanded on so thanks to the lovely anon who originally sent “that pic phil posted of dan for his bday i think where dan is making a funny face and theres a nearly empty wine bottle in the background hhhhh that makes my demon heart drop” and to the lovely anon who asked for more!

Home With A Heartbeat (ao3) - JenCollins, WordsAblaze

Summary: Uni’s hard, so sometimes Dan ends up missing lunch. This time he goes to Phil, who gives him not only worried looks, a meal, and cooking skills, but also a home.

kitchen hazards (ao3) - manchestereye (orphan_account)

Summary: dan and phil take cooking lessons, only for shit to hit the fan

Magical Healing Properties (ao3) - adorkablephil (kimberly_a)

Summary: Phil’s sick and wants his mum’s chicken soup

Night In (ao3) - antiadvil

Summary: Phil feels bad after a five second fight with his boyfriend. He is extra soft to make up for it.

security! (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Dan comes home to Phil after tour rehearsals. They cook, kiss and banter. And Dan reflects on the word "security".

the stupid sushi bubble bath fic (ao3) - itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualweeb)

Summary: dip and pip cuddle and eat sushi and take a bubble bath like the nerds they are.

Today Is For Us (ao3) - CaibrynM

Summary: Dan and Phil take a day for themselves in between the tour ending, planning for their premiere in Brazil and the upcoming Christmas Holidays. Lots of Fluff and a little smut.

Worth the Wait (ao3) - JudeAraya

Summary: It’s pretty hard to stay mad at Phil, even when he’s forgotten date night.

[portraitoflestatonfire]

2, 10, 15, 18, 29, 35 🧛🏾‍♂️

suddenly every thought I’ve ever had has left me...ok

2. How did you discover it or get interested in it? I was familiar with the books + the '94 film and remember hearing about the Bryan Fuller-led hulu series ages ago (given Fuller's track record it's no surprise that never manifested). But by September 2022 I'd totally forgotten there was a series in the works so all it took was levitating gay sex gifs and Jacob Anderson's face (I've been a Raleigh Ritchie fan for a long time). And the idea of a gothic romance with a black lead was very enticing. I subscribed to amc+ and the rest is history (actually it isn't, should I file a claim in the class action lawsuit against amc?)

10. What was your favorite episode of season one?  1.06! I just found an old post in my drafts basically telling everyone to remember Coline Abert's name. She’s incredible and I'm so glad she's back for s2.

Recovery, reflection, and restitution. This episode contains everything about the series that makes me crazy in top form. We have the aftermath of horrific intimate partner violence and where do we go from here? The difference in how they relate to one another as a result. Codependence abound! The further enmeshment of Louis and Claudia. The "oh-so-delicate balance of our oh-so-delicate household."

We also get the 1973 memory 💕

(and I could write a dissertation on this single still thank you levan)

15. What were your favorite costumes?  Louis' undershirt <3

18. What’s a scene you feel is underrated? hm. It's hard for me to gauge what is/isn't underrated because I spend so much time in this relatively small echo chamber of people who have also combed the entire series top-to-toe a million times.

But I'd have to say the final moment between Louis and Grace in 1.05. The image of Louis crying over his own gravestone is so striking!

Or... Louis and Lestat greeting Florence at the beginning of 1.02. They mention going to see The Doll House afterward. I love the barbs between in-laws ("I see you have a banjo band in your front yard :(" makes me laugh every time). Florence calls Louis "fragile son" as she did Paul in the previous episode. And Louis hearing his mother's thoughts for the first time is super interesting!

35. Share a headcanon of yours. I believe that Louis was an avid reader of bodice rippers and other (un)savory romance novels from the 70s-90s. In fact, there was probably one sitting in his back pocket at Polynesian Mary's. There may not be any on those floating shelves, but it's something I know in my heart! I just feel like the thematic content would resonate with him <3

[tetsunabouquet]

Autism Acceptance Month

Originally, I wanted to post nothing like I usually do with autism acceptance month but then I realized something and knew it was time for me to talk about my autism: It's that I'm part of the 'old' crowd. WIth old I mean, not my age, but the differences of the community.

It's like the 'old' crowd in the gay community who can remember a time before ANY country had legalized gay marriage, and some were resorting to things like gays marrying lesbians and being each other's beard.

It's like the 'old' crowd in the trans community, who can remember a time when bottom surgeries were still rare, more experimental then they were now and all the drama of when it 'first became a thing'.

I can remember a time before people began pointing out that autism can be very different in women and that the diagnostic system is mostly aimed at male symptoms. Before people started saying, 'Who knows, maybe autism occurs just as often as with women but they're just underdiagnosed'. Being diagnosed at the age of 5, which is 20 years ago, I grew up in a boys club. I've already mentioned in comments to mutuals, what a HELL that was once we all hit puberty (poor social skills combined with girls being at best 10% of the student body and puberty are a TERRIBLE combo. I literally had a legend created about my vagina like one of isekai hentai.) I can remember a time before the diagnostic system had scrapped subtypes. Nowadays you just have autism. Because of push-back from the Aspergers crowd who didn't wanted the 'autism' label, people still remember what Aspergers was. Other subtypes are already being forgotten.

My diagnosis was PDD-NOS, and I've actually had to sit down and explain what this meant in the autistic community because people don't know what the fuck PDD-NOS was. PDD-NOS basically was the diagnosis for people who were on the spectrum, but did not fully meet the criteria and showed a few key differences with the subtype they resembled the most. Basically, it was the misfit label within the autistic community. Which was why some people also called it Atypical Autism. As HF PDD-NOS, this meant I did not fully meet Aspergers criteria, and we HF PDD-NOS typically have problems with speech and memory that they didn't (when it comes to memory and intelligence, I'm kind of the opposite of a savant autistic). I've also seen articles and heard people say back in the day that kids with PDD NOS were more prone to daydreaming and being imaginative as Aspergers. As a tween, I liked to see us as the Luna Lovegoods opposed to the Hermione Grangers of the autistic intellectual. But PDD NOS was a subtype meant for everyone who didn't meet the criteria for the 4 more typical autism subtypes, and those with a intellectual disability outnumbered us. I actually have been rejected from a PDD NOS treatment program as a kid, solely because I didn't had an intellectual disability. When subtypes existed, I felt like I didn't even fit in with others on the spectrum, as I wasn't an Aspie or had an intellectual disability. I cheered when they were scrapped. I finally felt like I had a community. Like doctors were seeing how hurt we misfits were, and that it needed to change. I'm still happy about that, 10 years later. Then I am not even talking about how whilst there's still a stigma, it has been reduced and social media helps with people being more informed. People are stil shit, but nowadays more people know they're assholes and will get called out for being ableist. Even casually like the moms at the block crying about how it's a 'waste of such a pretty little girl (or boy)' when the child gets diagnosed with autism (people were seriously acting like I was diagnosed with leprosy when my mom informed them of my diagnosis). I am grateful for these things changing, because it used to be shitty. I am happy for all of you who get diagnosed in a better time, and Gen Alpha and all those who get to grow up living with a better diagnostic system. But I remember the old one, and all of its problems.

I remember a time before autism acceptance month became trendy every year on the internet like Pride Month and whatnot. Hereby, I am sharing a bit of what it was like in the old days. May the system continue to improve.

[hansreviewsstuff]

Rolling with the LGBT

I've learnt that buying books just because they have gay people in them isn't always for the best, but here are my reviews of two queer books that I read recently(ish) and enjoyed. The Song Of Achilles by Madeline Miller (I am a sucker for trends and booktok ok) and Afterlove by Tanya Bryne.

10/08/2022

The Song Of Achilles

By Madeline Miller

3.5/5

I have mixed feelings about this book. As someone who knows next to nothing about Greek Mythology, (I've listened to Achillies Come Down, and that's about it) I went into this book completely blind as to what to expect. I'm assuming the story was quite traditional and similar to the myth, so I can't really critique it? I don't know? Sorry. I vowed to myself to explain more of the story and my thoughts about it in these reviews but I've kind of forgotten this particular book's , and I guess that means it wasn't very good. At least to me! Miller is a beautiful writer though, and descriptions were done with quote-worthy style. The ending was sad, and looking back it reminds me of Merlin quite a bit. Nice and devastating. What is it with MLM and devastating endings?? Achilles and Patroclus were both idiots, but it added to their charm and sometimes characters who don't do what you know is the right or most practical thing to do are most interesting.

I feel like I dipped my toe into something I had no idea about, and came out rightfully confused. But if you like Greek Mythology, go ahead! (Although my guess is you've already read it!)

Favourite character: Brises

Would I recommend this book: Like I said, if you're a fan of Greek Mythology, a MLM love story, and beautiful descriptions you can lose yourself in, please go ahead. Honestly, it's a good book, but not really my thing.

04/11/2022

Afterlove

By Tanya Bryne

4/5

I remember this book more! I didn't give it more than a 4 because the tension, suspense and plot twists that I love in books were quite minimal, although I can't really think of where there would be a place for them. Some really beautiful, peaceful passages before everything goes wrong surrounding WLW love and just love in general, which weighed out the reduced tension. I like both soppy and dramatic tales!

On the surface, the story was about a girl falling in love, dying, and then trying to find her love again as this grim-reaper type character. But more deeply, it was about the affects of early passing (see below my favourite extract about this- one of my favourite extracts ever!) , the affects of death on loved ones and the beauty of the cycle of life. I really enjoyed it, although it deifnetly ignited lots of my fears about dying! A beautiful tale, if a bit quickly ended. Clearly the writer did not want a sequel.

Favourite Character: Poppy probably

Would I recommend this book: Absolutely. A beautiful tale, with a deep meaning behind. Creative as well, I had never seen life after death put in that way (and life after death is something I'm very interested in) Read it!

It's a bit long, I know, but beautiful.

I hope you enjoyed these reviews, super old reviews now. I've read a bunch of books recently, and the two I want to cover are Legendborn and How To Kill Your Family. I think I'll clear the list I wrote on the last post, as I have no memory of most of them. Oops.

See you,

Hans

[aeonmother]

0: Height - 5'9" to 10"

1: Age - 17,  close to 18

2: Shoe size - 14 extra wide

3: Do you smoke? - no

4: Do you drink? - no

5: Do you take drugs? - no

6: Age you get mistaken for - sometimes 18

7: Have tattoos? - Unfortunately not

8: Want any tattoos? - YES YES YES OMG PLEASE, I have no idea what I want the tattoos to be but I want them EVERYWHERE. Eventually I want a full back, at least one arm sleeve, a spine tattoo, over the heart, a shoulder, legs, etc. Have no idea what to get yet and i don't trust my own opinion yet

9: Got any piercings? - Unfortunately no

10: Want any piercings? - Definitely ear piercings, don't know about anything else

11: Best friend? - Well i have like 20 besties that I love with all my heart but I'd say my best bestie is @clairvoylance

12: Relationship status - single forever and too scared to make any moves 🥲 

13: Biggest turn ons - no idea, i know what I like but I can't answer this question

14: Biggest turn offs - painful things, disgusting things, brainrot things, etc

15: Favorite movie - I'm split between Pacific rim and real steel... And Mary Poppins... And how to train your dragon (all three of them)...

16: I’ll love you if… - we exist together. I am rather very loving and in fact will love you even if you hate me, how fun 

17: Someone you miss - I miss you when we're apart, even if we just saw each other and it is MADDENING. Legit, I can have just saw you and now i want to go back and see you again

18: Most traumatic experience - I have a habit of blocking out memories so I've probably forgotten but of the things I remember it's either that my brother tried to commit suicide or that my mother informed me that she had three miscarriages after I was born

19: A fact about your personality - If you know me you'd definitely say I'm a horny bastard but I'm fairly certain this is a massive coping mechanism/bit that I fell into way too hard and have no idea how to stop... Which is great because it's affected how my friends see me permanently I'm so happy with this

20: What I hate most about myself - that I never put in the effort to do what was important 

21: What I love most about myself - that i have FINALLY started putting in effort to do things I want to do and supporting myself 

22: What I want to be when I get older - I'm leaning into a nursing/psychologist route in medicine but that could change in the next week 

23: My relationship with my sibling(s) - No biological but I got to experience having siblings anyway and I'd say I have a good relationship with them, at least my sister... My brother is very different and complicated

24: My relationship with my parent(s) - mostly positive, kinda odd because they consider me mature when I don't but whatever

25: My idea of a perfect date - just existing in a way and place that we are both comfortable with and being together

26: My biggest pet peeves - eating sounds that are particularly chewy, especially with no music or background noise, being a dick when someone is being a good host, completely ignoring the people around you for no good reason

27: A description of the girl/boy I like - i can't choose which person to describe... Screw it I'm gonna do the main one. Short, dark hair, a smile that could melt a glacier and a laugh that could do the same, and then they'd apologize for it because they're nice like that. Kinda like if rengoku was 5'2 and socially anxious but just as much a ray of sunshine

28: A description of the person I dislike the most - lol, tall af, dirty blonde hair, a glorious beard, and thick af arms... This may or may be an ex best friend who i SO would have gotten with if he wasn't a dick... And if he was gay 

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend - to protect feelings but also to protect a different friend who at the time was a higher priority

30: What I hate the most about work/school - just how little of it actually matters and how I'd rather just be interacting with my people

31: What my last text message says - "I've found I prefer being shaved" kinda self explanatory lol i hadn't shaved in a bit and then I did and then I LOVED IT

32: What words upset me the most - simple, selfish, uncaring, one-track, inconsiderate

33: What words make me feel the best about myself - caring, thoughtful, inclusive, loving, strong, open

34: What I find attractive in women - lmao take your pick, my taste in women is WOMEN like I have a mental list of people I like and the girls on it are all very different

35: What I find attractive in men - muscles/apparent strength are up there, it seems that i like darker hair (like a certain @greydoesstuff747 lol) but otherwise it's the same as women, extremely variable 

36: Where I would like to live - probably most walkable cities in Europe, somewhere in Italy would work perfectly

37: One of my insecurities - that I'm a horrendous size and i don't deserve the love i want to have

38: My childhood career choice - I've always thought about being a doctor

39: My favorite ice cream flavor - Cookies and cream is always a good choice

40: Who I wish I could be - uhhhh either anything but me or understand so much about myself that i truly become MYSELF. Like, maybe man by ajr core dude

41: Where I want to be right now - With a friend

42: The last thing I ate -  burgers, eggs, apples, and cheese lol

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately - (okay look I cant just say remington, It's true but it's boring to say it twice) henry cavil or pedro pascal... Wait I can say f1nn5ter... f1nn5ter

44: A random fact about anything - I've rewritten this one section about 6 times now and it's taken me three days to type this whole thing out

@clairvoylance @cat-mermaid @pixel-nyx @zowiesykes no pressure of course <3

nosy anons let's go

0: Height

1: Age

2: Shoe size

3: Do you smoke?

4: Do you drink?

5: Do you take drugs?

6: Age you get mistaken for

7: Have tattoos?

8: Want any tattoos?

9: Got any piercings?

10: Want any piercings?

11: Best friend?

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

14: Biggest turn offs

15: Favorite movie

16: I’ll love you if…

17: Someone you miss

18: Most traumatic experience

19: A fact about your personality

20: What I hate most about myself

21: What I love most about myself

22: What I want to be when I get older

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

25: My idea of a perfect date

26: My biggest pet peeves

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

30: What I hate the most about work/school

31: What my last text message says

32: What words upset me the most

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

34: What I find attractive in women

35: What I find attractive in men

36: Where I would like to live

37: One of my insecurities

38: My childhood career choice

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

40: Who I wish I could be

41: Where I want to be right now

42: The last thing I ate

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

44: A random fact about anything

[goober-official]

A quick story about a memory I had a bit ago. This memory sparked cause I’ve been thinking a lot about my sexuality and kinda realizing I think I’m a lesbian, which is crazy when I’ve been with so many men, I know that the idea of spending my life with a man actually makes me so fucking sad and it’s heartbreaking to know how much time I wasted other people’s time and feeling I hurt bc I couldn’t figure my shit out none the less the memory….

I was in 6th grade about 10/11 and after class everyday we’d all have to wait in the cafeteria for buses I can’t remember why but I remember meeting her there for the first time, she was in 8th grade, she had long black hair and she was so emo, I can faintly imagine her, I had completely forgotten her until today, I don’t know her name but I remember her having to move in the middle of the year I think, I just know I never saw her after that and eventually I forgot about her completely. Still for a few months I would see her after or before class and talk a bit with her she was shy and a little mean I would watch how she would write her poems and how she held herself, I remember basically drooling over this girl. She was a bit older and I didn’t even think about being gay or anything (I had some experiences in the past that make it p obvious but growing up Christian had kinda beaten the idea out of me) I never really realized how much I wanted to impress her and get to know her until year after.

There was one day, the last memory I have of her really, this is all so blurry like I said I hadn’t thought of it over 10 years. So this girl let’s call her violet, she was walking to the bus and I see her, she’s kind of avoiding me.

“Violet! Wait up”

She turns around

“What?” I can tell she’s upset almost like she could cry any moment, I want to help her

“ what’s wrong?”

“You don’t wanna know” it seemed like she wanted to tell me but was angry and defensive

“That’s not true, you know I would never judge you”

“Okay fine I’ll just write it though okay?” Violet opens her notebook and starts scribbling

“Okay..” she hands me the book

“Oh I mean…. That makes sense haha”

I stare at the words “I’m a lesbian” under that is a very beautiful drawing of two girls kissing

My stomach was fluttering, I was nervous and excited, *was this a confession to me?*

I truly didn’t have an issue with queer people I had so many queer friends(how was that not a sign to me sooner)

I don’t think she realized this because she stormed off after that and I don’t remember seeing her again much after that.

It took me until well now to realize what those feelings were but still the only reason I didn’t recognize them is because in my mind and in my life I was taught that I cannot be that that I would literally go to hell for being queer that I would go to hell for supporting queer people.

I’m still unlearning in some ways but I’m definitely glad that I can feel more open and be more myself than little me could :)

[starlight-time-machine]

Week in Review

03/31/2024 – 04/06/2024

Sunday

Week 8 of missing Cipher Academy

Girl Meets Rock continues to be cute, and I love that Rin continues to be weirder and weirder.

The Undead Unluck chapter made me emotional because it felt like I was reading a Cipher Academy chapter again… Shiritori with any language in the world would’ve been right up their alley…though perhaps it’d be a little too straightforward for them. But here it’s great to see Nico go toe to toe with a Master Rule while not being a Negator yet, and I’m looking forward to seeing the creative lengths that Tozuka will push this fight towards.

Dandadan fine.

Magilumiere pretty good…it’s nice to see Midorikawa and Makino interacting platonically, that’s not a duo I ever would’ve seen coming. Midorikawa getting a moment of vulnerability is soooo cute.

Chainsaw Man good! Always love getting some gay ass devils.

Monday

Hmm

Tuesday

Continued my Undead Unluck manga reread, though I didn’t get very far – I was basically crying the whole time I was reading, and then I went to wash and moisturize my face so I didn’t want to read more and mess up my skincare. But I did get to the loredump about Remember, which I’d completely forgotten… I don’t know how I feel about everyone in Loop 101 regaining their memories, if I’m being honest. I kind of liked the bittersweet tragedy of Loop 100’s deaths driving Fuuko forwards and giving her the determination to overcome anything in her path, and I wonder/worry about the current versions of everyone being erased/overtaken by their past memories (especially with characters like Julia). I suppose the 101 characters will only be recalling their past selves and the 100 characters have definitively, in their own perception, died, so there is a sense of finality there. But then with all this talk about souls, maybe not… Well, a super happy ending wouldn’t be so bad either.

I’m starting to work through my library backlog again, and the first was a super short book from Jacqueline Wilson, Worry Website. I thought I’d never read it before, but when I was going through I was struck with an intense familiarity with the illustrations and some of the story beats, so I must’ve read it at some point in my childhood. For what it is, it’s pretty cute – just a collection of stories about a few problems that kids could relate to and maybe get some catharsis from seeing them resolved. I liked getting a sense of the connections between the kids in this class with the tidbits of lore dropped here and there, as well as seeing Mr. Speed get his own little romantic arc in the background. I wonder if some of the problems were a little too easily resolved to be useful/satisfying to kids going through the same thing though? And then there’s that one really sad and realistic one that just doesn’t get much of a solution at all lol…but again, it’s for pretty young kids so I can understand Wilson wanting to keep things relatively light.

Wednesday

I played a little free game called Cureocity, and it was…okay… I feel like I can’t harp on it too much since it’s so short and free, but the puzzle aspect of it felt pretty clunky and unintuitive at times, and it didn’t expand on it much throughout the few puzzles it had. The story was also pretty whatever and bare bones, hampered by its lackluster translation (I can tell they’re trying, but it keeps getting tripped up). The best thing about it is the art, and not much else. 3/10.

Reread some more Undead Unluck…namely the rest of the Ragnarok Arc…and yeah, I cried the whole way through. Seeing characters like Feng join the fight…everyone united in their desire to protect Fuuko and send her off to the next loop…her having to witness all of their sacrifices…AKIRA SHOWING UP ONE LAST TIME TO BE THE NARRATOR… It does a really good job at being completely devastating and being the strongest motivator possible for both Fuuko and the reader to want God dead.

I read some more because I couldn’t bear to end things there. And I’m so glad that one of the first things Fuuko does this loop is saving Akira from his fate ahhhhhhh now I can imagine him drawing manga for his mom and growing up happily… Thank you Tozuka…

Thursday

DunMesh with a side of stir fried tofu and preserved duck egg today – YES WE GOT THE LAIOS CHILCHUCK SENSHI “I LOVE YOU GUYS” HUG!! It’s funny whenever we cut back to Kabru’s party and see just how absolutely dogshit they are at adventuring. But then getting the insight into Kabru and his perspective on the world is really interesting for how much of a foil he is to Laios. Where Laios understands monsters and their patterns, Kabru understands humans and their personalities and motivations. It’s fascinating to watch him explain his process, and then see him connect the dots in his mind in order to manipulate Shuro to let them tag along.

One thing I was thinking about while watching the episode was, I guess, a slight disappointment with the anime adaptation. It’s objectively excellent, and Trigger is probably one of the only studios who could even hope to bring the manga to its full animated potential, but I think it just speaks to the strength of the manga’s art and flow that leave it the platonic version of the story for me.

Friday

I needed something to watch while eating dinner, and I remembered that I was still watching through Nisemonogatari, so I booted it up and was met with the infamous toothbrush episode lol I truly don’t really know what’s happening here (as someone who’s already confessed to not understanding most of Monogatari as a whole), so I’m just going to move on.

Yayyyy Nymphia made it to the top three of Drag Race! I had a feeling they’d give her a win this episode to make her seem like better contender in the face of the other two “four win” havers, and I’m glad it’s because she’s finally opened up and let us see a little bit of who she is. Watching Ru direct the girls in the photoshoot was surprisingly really fun – I wish they would do more modelling/photoshoot challenges because I feel like that’s an important part of a drag queen’s skillset in today’s media age, but I guess it’d be too short in terms of content so they relegate it to mini-challenges most of the time. I’m looking forward to the lip sync tournament next week – my prediction is that Mirage will win the whole thing.

Saturday

After five whole years, I finally got around to watching the Aqours movie, Love Live! Over the Rainbow (this should give you a good idea of how long I can let things set on my watchlist without touching them lol). And it was…extremely mid. Just a room of writers finding any flimsy excuse to introduce conflict but not Really, and have everything be solved by an idol concert at the end. Tsuki’s character was completely pointless and perfunctory – just someone to clickbait the audience in the trailer, to guide the girls around Italy because she conveniently happened to live there, and to hold the camera for them while they perform. Mari’s marriage was also so obviously trailer clickbait – after running around Italy and doing Anime Slapstick Hijinks for like twenty minutes, the whole thing gets resolved by, you guessed it, an idol performance. I don’t know, I used to really like Love Live, and Aqours is my favourite group, but recent managerial decisions have made me so disillusioned with the franchise, and this just reeks of a movie written with corporate holding a gun to the writers’ heads. 3/10 because at least Believe again is a banger.

[sapphicomenn]

WELCOME TO MY THOUGHTS WHILE REWATCHING THE MCU IN TIMELINE ORDER: CAPTAIN MARVEL

wooshy blue magic and blood. how mysticy and unanswered it is

“wanna fight?” 💥P O W💥 also magic powers she cant use in every fight is a punch of bullshit. kill that dude, carol you dont need him >:T shapeshifting lizards are badguys. got it. also jude law is hot as hell

rescure mission. totally gonne get ambushed (update) FUCKING TOLD YOU IT WAS AN AMBUSH. NOW YALL LOST THE MAIN CHARACTER. WHO APPARENTLY LOST HER MEMORY. stupid lizard people

women airpilots fuck yeah! and possibly has a a girlfriend?? lesbian captain marval??——FUCK UP THEM LIZARDS. punch them in their stupid faces. fucking skRulL

BLOCKBUSTER

COULSONNN- FUURYY :D FIGHT BUT THIS TIME ON A TRAIN! +car crashes bc fury cant fuckinn drive. and apparently punching old ladys- SHES A IMPOSTOR. ew the shapeshifting is gross and horrifying. 6/10 do not recommend

awh stan lee, my heart hurts

of course car-coulson is a fake. next thing ya know a cat is gonna be some fucked up lizard. dead lizard man in a car is dead, yay. also more fuckedup techy shit and a old computer

ew gross perverted men, you steal his motorcycle. and alien autopsy is very ew. and old boss looking mf is also lizard how fucked are yall that you cant even trust the old boss looking guy?

“if toast is cut diagonally, i cant eat it.” yall heard it here first. fuck diagonally cut toast. photon blast go brrr

“everyone calls me fury.” thats gonna be important later on

this bastard got upset she had to lose the flannel she had on? shes gay. new info in the hall of records show one- old lady is a alien. and two- CAROL IS HUMAN AND TWAS ON EARTH

fury you mcfuck dont call in for backup. she has space blasters IN HER HANDS. thats someone you wanna fight??? old boss guy said nick. told yall it would be important

SPACE LESBIAN SAVES EARTH FRIEND FROM ALIEN LIZARD(NOT CLICKBAIT)

FLYING JET THINGY HELPS EM GO SEE CAROLS FORGOTTEN GIRLFRIEND! also HIDDEN CAT

“auntie carol” FUCKING FUCK. stupid child. carol and mariah are inlove yourhonor. and i will die on this hill

awkard neighbor interactions. blegh. JESUS FUCK THE LIZARD IS IN THE HOUSE. lizard men good??? good guys bad???? HA THE ALIENS ARE SCARED OF CATSKABSKHSSKJS

what the fuck is a flerkin?? why is the cat called a flerkin????? SPACE BATTLE WITH THE WOOSHING AND PEWS oh they got fucking merked and crashed. losers

GOODS GUYS ARE BAD I KNEW IT. LIZARD PPL GOOD I WAS FOOLED, WRONGED, AND BAMBOOZLED. carol fucking shot a space engine and got blued by magic shit. ORIGIN STORY COMPLETE SHE HAS BECOME THE ENGINE ITSELF

this is getting sad. i feel bad for ragging on the lizard people but at the same time HA HOMELESS. mariah go! yell your space- nOT BESTFRIEND NONKSJKSKSKS. JUDE LAW BAD. LIZARD GOOD

NOREX YOU STUPID LIZARD. HOW HARD IS IT TO FIGURE OUT ORBIT SHIT COMPARED TO CORDS ON EARTH🙄 talos shut the fuck up about the stupid cat. its a C A T !

floating space cat is adorable. 10/10

SPACE CUBE! TESSERACT! in a fucking tin lunchbox- bellowing call thingy to reconnect with lizard wife and child. beautiful moment in the movie right now 😌

ITS A TRAP. okay not really but THEY FOUND YALL FCKING RUN. DONT THROW THE CAT YOU MONSTERS. “jOg thE olD mEmoRy” shut the fuck up.

DONT PUT A MUZZEL ON THE CAT YOU WHORES WHAT THE FUCK IS A FLERKIN ANYWAY

gas-lighting, manipulating fuckers of a alien race deserve kicks to the teeth. stand up to them carol, you got this. KICK THEIR ASS.

all lesbians glow. she-ra, captain marvel, korra, etc. they’re that badass. HOLY SHIT THE CAT HAS FUCKIJG CUTHULU IN ITS MOUTH JEUSS CHRIST. “im trusting you, not to eat me.” YOU BETTER HAVE MORE THEN TRUST, FURY

GOOSE YOU BEAUITFUL OCTOPUS MOUTH CAT GOOD FOR YOU EATING THE GLOWY CUBE

im just a girl playing in the background while danvers kicks the kree ass is amazing.

“do you have the thing?” “flerkin kittu ate it.”

bombs go brrrr. why is minerva so pretty its unfair. space ships also go brrr

FLYING SPACE GAY, HELL YES. HELL NO RONAN SHOWED UP. SHE STOPPED A WHOLE ASS SPACE NUKE FROM HITTING EARTH AND MAKING IT BLOW UP ALL THE OTHER ONES

“take her down” she just took out all your fucking warheads, do ya think ships would work????. “return to the jump point” COWARD

intense stand off. jude stfu you’re a badguy. you dont get a moment for a teaching lession.

“SHOW ME YOU CAN-“ BOOM. get blasted bitch. “you cant do this.” she will take that bet and win

FURY LOST HIS EYE TO THE FUCKING CAT SLSGSKHSSKHSKSS

intergalaxy pager! range can last a couple galaxies! now only $499.99! for emergencies ONLY. no out of town calls

“so is it true? the kree burned out your eye because you refused to give up the tesseract?” fury just tell em the cat clawed your eye out and stop being embarassed :/

NEXT MOVIE: IRON MAN :D

[thespacecowboyyy]

Tb to third grade when i had crush on this girl and i guess she liked me as well and we played minecraft and made a heart shaped lake and called it the lake of our love

[just-wublrful]

the winds talk to the stars sometimes. that’d be nice. i’d like that.

The Worm King’s Lullaby, Richard Siken | Autobiography of Red, Anne Carson | The Chronology of Water: A Memoir, Lidia Yuknavitch | I Dreamed I Forgot, Leila Chatti | Henry and June: From the Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, Anaïs Nin | Letters to Milena, Franz Kafka | Eurydice, Margaret Atwood | Sue Zhao | The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket | Ross Gay | Elegy for the Four Chambers of My Brother’s Heart, Steven Espada Dawson | In A Dream, trans. Lenore Mayhew & William Mcnaughton, Anna Akhmatova, | Sue Zhao | Francis Forever, Mitski | The Hurting Kind, Ada Limon

[ID: An assortment of quotes and lyrics from various sources.

1. Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.

2. I once loved you,/ now I don’t know you at all.

3. What lived and died between us - haunts me still.

4. I dreamed I forgot you/ but to dream was remembering. I have words for you/ only, a linguistic fidelity./ Cherish and anguish and fool./ I look for you, I am finding/ out if I am brave. Last/ I saw you, it was the same disruptive season: robins trilling in the young/ flush, trees shivering/ pink all down the street./ I thought the ache/ would ruin me, and maybe it did./ Here I am in the beatific after/ still calling back to you.

5. “You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you, I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, is must be because we have shared at some time the same imaginings, the same madness

6. ship to you (you belong to me, even if I should never see you again) [...] these I know, insofar they do not fall into the

7. was that you love him anywhere,/ even in this land of no memory,/ even in this domain of hunger./ You hold love in your hand, a red seed/ you had forgotten you were holding.

8. We loved, didn’t we? I was devoted to you, like a nail to a bed. A splinter to skin. Sometimes I was soft, though, do you remember?

9. “(...) I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close... I will love you until your face is fogged by distant memory. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, I will love you if you don't marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else--and I will love you if you never marry at all, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all. That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.”

10. I am sorry. I am grateful./ I just want us to be friends now, forever./ Take this bowl of blackberries from the garden./ The sun has made them warm./ I picked them just for you. I promise/ I will try to stay on my side of the couch.

11. We’re under the same moon and I’m sick/ with that knowing.

12. You and I/ are like grief and the mountain,/ we will not meet/ in this world./ But sometimes/ will you send across the stars/ A sign?

13. If I could have done it all again, I would have loved you better. But I could not have loved you more.

14. And autumn comes when you’re not yet done/ With the summer passing by, but/ I don’t think I could stand to be/ Where you don’t see me.

15. I see the tree above the grave and think, I’m wearing/ my heart on leaves. My heart on leaves./ Love ends. But what if it doesn’t? End ID.]

[ask-games-from-a-weird-girl]

Weirdly specific drabble prompts 2

It's time for a sequel: Prompts that just describe very specific situations. Or not. It depends, I guess.

1. "I just bought myself some new roller skates!"

2. "I think we can try skiing."

3. "I don't know, do you know that language?"

4. "We can travel to northern Europe!"

5. "Remember we are in Argentina, so it's winter here when it's summer in Europe."

6. "What is going on in that mansion?"

7. "I think we need to call a social worker if it's that bad..."

8. "I just need my mom right now."

9. "Just be quiet, and be my sister."

10. "I don't know how to skate on ice."

11. "Help me carry this ladder."

12. "I don't know, invent something!"

13. "I'll say we'll take the boat out. Just you and me."

14. "You just need to sign the adoption papers."

15. "I can read minds, don't forget that."

16. "We were never here! You're just dreaming!"

17. "Why are straight people like this?"

18. "If you want it all to be over, you have to get in the trunk."

19. "Get the gun!"

20. "Why are you staring at me sleeping?"

21. "We need to rehearse!"

22. "What's your character?"

23. "Where's the baby?"

24. "It looks so peaceful under water."

25. "We're finally at camp!"

26. "That is the most inappropriate thing I have heard!"

27. "Have you forgotten I hear everything?"

28. "My tablet! I need my tablet!"

29. "The pool looks nice."

30. "Why did I agree to babysitting..."

31. "None of us can drive, but I am the safest option."

32. "Nothing can be the same after what you just said."

33. "I got my period."

34. "Do you have to do it right now? We're in the middle of something here!"

35. "You have to change the diaper."

36. "I'm gonna shower."

37. "I think we're lost in the city."

38. "That reminds me of an early childhood memory..."

39. "Are any spirits with us tonight?"

40. "I have no use for this device."

41. "Something is evil with her."

42. "I am gonna wet myself."

43. "Get out of my room!"

44. "If someone finds out... especially if you know who finds out..."

45. "Lock the doors before anyone notices we're here."

46. "I was too little to understand it then, but now..."

47. "Yeah, that's my cousin!"

48. "You two seem like the most chaotic couple."

49. "Boys just never make me feel like that."

50. "Have you ever wondered if you like more than one gender?"

51. "This is my favorite book!"

52. "Do you wanna ride this with me?"

53. "I do love juice!"

54. "We can try ghost hunting our house!"

55. "Alright. Truth or dare?"

56. "Girls are strange."

57. "You're my brother, not my friend."

58. "So have you two...?"

59. "Please translate."

60. "Children are like that."

61. "I have a bike with two seats!"

62. "Having a picnic was a great idea!"

63. "Don't call, don't text..."

64. "Have we time traveled somehow?"

65. "Hold on tight, cause here we go!"

66. "This isn't my first language, so I am sorry for any errors I make."

67. "Wait, I gotta draw it!"

68. "Who took it? And why?"

69. "This position is really weird to be in."

70. "Lift me up!"

71. "Put me down!"

72. "I found this really strange book, look at this page!"

73. "In the end, it's us three huh?"

74. "I don't want any other friends!"

75. "I am getting too old for this..."

76. "I never realized how lovely the view is here."

77. "If you want, we can climb up on the roof."

78. "I have to inform you that your friend is in a coma."

79. "It's twins!"

80. "Shh! She's sleep talking!"

81. "I just need someone's phone."

82. "Sometimes a family can look like this."

83. "I'm gonna be clear: Are you gay?"

84. "Do you have your camera?"

85. "You can tell me as much as you want, no matter how childish it sounds."

86. "Can I have an autograph?"

87. "I am serious, I am gonna take this to the moon."

88. "This is not a romantic comedy."

89. "I feel like we will kiss if we go any closer."

90. "I am gonna eat this chili!"