#forgive my tags here god theres so many

[puppetdevotion]

lilies

— your god

“ lilies — is there anything your darling does that really sparks your obsession for them? ”

definitely.. probably near everything that you do, truly. when you pick things up from me; typing habits, speech patterns, stims, even your tagging systems or intros,, theres so many parts of me i see in you now. the way ive snuck into every corner of your life overjoys me

another example would be specific things that you say, or call me. "come here, ill hold you," "you're mine." things like that. your obsession, your jealousy, your possessiveness — drives me absolutely crazy with utter happiness.. its almost as if ive lost my mind, and maybe i have

when i think about everything you've shared with me, too. i remember that there is no escape from me, and thats special. no one has ever offered me this much, trusted me this much. its mutual, too. its love, to give parts of yourself to another. things that make you vulnerable. i will never forget it. ill sew us together, by our tendons and muscles. our hearts will beat together, our flesh pressed together with no air in between

ahem ): forgive. im normal. another thing would be what you havent shared with me. i know that sounds odd, but in regards to one of my more recent posts, i was thinking about the past blogs you had while we've known each other that i didnt know was you. that riles me up so bad, i fear.. its irritating, but im not mad at you i promise — its just that sometimes im crazy and i fully believe there should be nothing i dont know about you

[fields-of-lilies-are-pretty]

see, this is similar to my opinion. i wasnt going to say anything, but someone finally did, so now im going to speak my mind

first, moonshine, not cool. i understand that you were super attached to sob and whatever, but to not only make a post like that, but to also tag the blog it most relates to AND THEN claiming you dont know my nonrp blog is not okay. i was already pretty uncomfortable with you, but now i dont even want to associate myself with you. im done with you. im sorry if this seems rude or like an overreaction, but i dont want your characters to ever interact with mine ever again.

and mod bob. oh boy, bob. im not going to justify how you handled the situation initially. that was just... not cool. you were rude for no reason to so many people who were just trying to help you see the truth. but im not mad at you. im not. imma be honest, i dont really see a reason to stay mad at you. you apologized, and its clear that this whole situation is stressing you out and scaring you and making you feel like a horrible person. theres no reason to add fuel to the flames and stay mad at you. itd only made things worse.

i will say, though. the way some of you guys are treating him over this is awful. i get it, he made some pretty horrible mistakes, sure, but you also gotta keep in mind that most of us are kids here. we are kids who are somewhat socially inept and who all clearly have something going on in our brains that most people would not consider normal. i wasnt going to say anything about this before, but then one of you had the audacity to send him an ask that said "its okay, just dont let it happen again." like, what??? so, what im hearing is, the rest of us now have to approve who hes friends with and who he believes and how he initially responds to situations? is that what youre saying? i mean, its not exactly his fault he fell for moonshines lie. i mean, what if moonshine hadnt been lying? suddenly, all of us who were saying he was would be assholes and mod bob would be the good person here.

all im saying is that we all take a step back for a moment and try to see this from all angles. cause, from my point of view, this whole thing has been a train wreck. but from, say, bobs point of view, this thing started as a horrible thing, to hear that one of his online friends has died, which quickly turned out to be false. he was lied to, and fell for it, and now he thinks hes a horrible person. which, by the way, is NOT a good thing.

so, to mod moonshine, i hope you find somewhere else where you can find some online friends, cause in my opinion, what you did is unforgivable and i dont want to share a community with someone who does things like that. to mod bob, im sorry about everything that has happened to you and im sorry you feel as though youre a horrible person when you arent, but you still have a lot to answer for and a LOT you need to fix. and to all the mods, please, for the LOVE OF GOD, think about what youre going to say to someone before you say it, especially something so finite as "im never going to forgive you," because chances are, you will, and then youll regret saying it, and suddenly everything is awkward.

lily out

A very delayed opinion.

TW: drama, just everything relating to the moonshine situation.

Look, I wasn’t gonna do one’a these, and tbh I am so busy so it’ll be short. But I understand that my opinion holds a tiny bit of weight, so here goes.

Alright, just biting the bullet, that was a very reprehensible decision, Moonshine. And to be honest, with how…divided this community has become, I saw something blowing up from a mile away. Did I expect this? No. But I knew something was gonna happen eventually.

In my opinion, the situation was handled…not the best. Which makes sense, because at the end of the day we”re teenagers on tumblr rping our characters.

and I’m not gonna advocate for Sun/moonshine to be banned or not to be banned. Because I’m not the one who gets to decide that, I don’t have that power.

Same with Bob. But to you, Bob, I will say…you’ve been on thin ice for a little while now for various reasons. It’s not my place to decide either, though. Please just…think before you speak. Please.

This reads like a stream of consciousness but it’s all I have the time to write.

Lily. I am so, so sorry.

I’m leaving the real decisions to those who deserve to make them.

Don’t fake your death over shipping.

[eludum-a]

h-hewwo??? this is kind of a weird promo in that it’s specifically looking for crossover interactions with blogs from these fandoms:

kingdom hearts - verse info here

the world ends with you - verse info here (default is reaperverse)

pokemon - verse info here

hunter x hunter - verse info toward the bottom here

boku no hero academia - verse info here and here

blood blockade battlefront - verse info toward the bottom here

my name’s meme, and i play a somewhat canon divergent chiaki nanami from danganronpa! i am affiliated with the community, but i’d very much like to branch out and interact outside of it. if you’re not familiar with the story of danganronpa, that’s okay! i have an extensive bio page that you can check out that should tell you a good amount about her character, and we can always talk ooc if you have any questions or want to understand her better.

that’s all! thanks for reading, and i hope to see you around to interact with my lovely gamer girl!!

[mewmewtric]

Too many dottores

Dottore(s) x gender neutral reader, dottore clones loving the same person

Agent @jackplushie , you miss me? Shoot to Thrill plays in the background

(i’d love to tag more dottore enjoyers but theres literally no one else i know)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You don’t remember the first time you met Dottore. Or when it happened. Just a vague memory of being reassigned as the lab assistant of a fatui harbinger. It was all a blur. Nothing besides the fact that you were assigned to assist one of the most dangerous harbingers. One who tested unspeakable things on children. One who did not have a sliver of conscience.

You joined the Fatui because you hated the gods. And the Fatui, the fools who wanted to defy them, had the same goals. But you ended up here, with a madman. Bringing him equipment, compiling his results, at least the work is rather standard... save for the occasional high pitched scream from the lab.

The man himself was very unpredictable. Sometimes he would be in a calm, serious mood, doing his tasks and leaving without saying a word. Sometimes he would laugh and sneer as he gleefully does horrible experiments. Sometimes... he would try to flirt with you as you help him clean and compile his data, asking you whether you would be free after the day. Which did not make sense since he seemed to work 24 hours a day, with slots spaced out during the whole day, even the early morning. Luckily you only took the day shift, but normally you’d reject the offers.

But sometimes, he would sing.

Once in a while, always in afternoons, he would sing as he did his work. Dottore, the mad scientist, would sing. And he sang well. Deep and soothing, his voice seemed to carry across the lab, mixing with screams when a live human specimen is being used. Sometime you would stop for a short while to hear him. 

And he noticed.

“Do you like it?” His voice came from behind you. “I do not condone distractedness in my lab.”

“MY APOLOGIES SIR!” You may have warmed up to him a little, but you are still rather afraid of him. Your back straightened painfully, the equipment in your hands nearly falling out. 

“You’re lucky it’s me you’re dealing with. I wouldn’t be so... forgiving at other times.” He grinned widely, showing rows of sharp teeth. “How about I sing for you later?”

“No thank you, sir.”

“You’re lying. Don’t lie to me. Besides, I’m free after this.”

“You have another experiment 30 minutes after this one.”

“Stop caring about him.”

Him?

“I, as your assistant, have to remind you about YOUR OWN schedule.”

“So you really don’t want to be with me later. It’s alright. Go ahead and kiss up to that asshole.”

“Ok I’ll go, I’ll go. Happy?”

You had used a very... inappropriate tone against your boss. But his mood swings were so irritating that you just lashed out. Kissing up to that asshole? What’s wrong with kissing up to your own boss?

~~~~~~~~~

“Why are you late?”

Dottore stared at you from across the lab. You were back from a walk with him, and somehow he was already back in the lab before you even entered. But did you not last see him seeing you off with an unnerving smile on his face?

“Were you not talking to me earlier-”

“Oh... him.”

Dottore sneered. He made a sound, almost like a laugh.

“Why would you care about such a weakling?”

“You’re calling yourself a weakling?”

“You dare call me a weakling?”

“Dottore, you just called yourself one-”

“Aha...ahahaha... If I must prove it to you to convince you...Well, this project can wait a while.”

Dottore grabbed your wrist and dragged you out of the lab. Anyone else would have fought back and questioned him, but not you. You’re too used to him doing this. He’d always drag you to where he needed you to be in the labs, because oh, everything must be perfect and he did not trust you to make judgements yourself. Unless he was feeling nice.

A few steps down the corridor... You met Dottore.

Wait.

You looked at the Dottore grabbing your wrist. 

And the one staring at you down the corridor.

Another one...

“You really like to spoil my experiments, don’t you?” The Dottore standing at the corridor sneered at the one holding your wrists.

“I don’t see the point of fooling them any longer. Now we are all free to compete.”

You tried to wriggle away. Being left out of the conversation and feeling like an idiot was something you hated.

“Alright, how many of you are there?”

One of the Dottores spoke, “At least 24, last I checked. Fortunately for us, only three are here.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Only three are here.

Three Dottores were three too many. Ever since the three of them showed up in front of you, they seemed to always ask for - no, demand- your time.

Your schedule got filled up more and more. You used to work for some other researchers as well, but now it’s Dottore after Dottore. There would always be one lurking near the door outside when you were helping one with their work. Sometimes they would come inside whenever, in the words of one of them (you can’t tell the difference between one another yet), “he gets a little too close to you.”

One of would hum a tune as he worked with you, sneaking sweet love songs to you while he does his horrific experiments. Occasionally asking you to sing with him, always in his own world, talking about his grandiose fantasies. Leaning into you, sharing his wonderful creations. 

Another, he would silently follow you, away from your sight when not performing experiments. You did not know why, but you could feel a presence behind you sometimes. Especially when you’re with another one of them. A soft scratch of paper and pen. Almost quiet footsteps. Someone was taking note of everything about you.

The last one... He was interesting. Or annoying. Whichever it is.

Because he still treated you like an experiment.

None of that torture that his lab rats go through, no. But something else.

The way he pampered you, sent you all different kinds of gifts, tried many ways to obviously steal your heart... there’s little sincerity in them. You knew. He looked at you an unfeeling aura. Like when he documented results. Was he just using you as a test subject on how to win a heart? You would never know... but that thought lingers in your mind...

But dealing with three Dottores, it was a big burden to bear. Three of the same person, vying for attention. It was almost hilarious. If not for the fact that your heart slowly started to beat for him...them...

Why? Why did you look forward to the times after your lab sessions with him? When whoever it was would try to hold you back, just a little while longer, to strike up a conversation or ask for some time after work. But then he would see another version of himself and scowl and walk away.

But it felt like every single time any one of them does this, your face became even warmer, your stutter worse, as the differences between them became so much more clearer, yet your heart races for all three of them...

Behind their death glares to one another, their whispered threats, your strained response when they try to flirt, the tug you have towards each of them, you knew.

You got caught by them, hook, line, sinker. And them? Probably head over heels.

But that means that you can also try to reel in a couple of the clones of the second Harbinger. Hopefully. Although there’s little hope, there’s nothing wrong with trying. Especially since you still did not know whether some of them are sincere or not.

So why not have some fun? 

[prettyvampiress96]

The Malfoy Secret - Chapter 4

Excitement buzzed through the halls of Malfoy manor, with Draco home on break, Lucius and Anastasia had been invited by Cornelius Fudge himself to the Quidditch World Cup . Bulgaria VS Ireland. Of course once Draco had heard the news it became a family outing. Draco was thrilled Anna was tagging along. "Draco darling just because your home from school , does not mean anna can shy away from her work. Your father and Anna will have reputation's to uphold as do we?" Narcissa warned him yet again. " But mother that's barbaric, Anna is my friend . Mine and I want her to watch the match with me" Draco whined turning on his heels to pout up at Anna. Lucius , Narcissa and Anastasia all shared a look to each other which Draco completely missed. Keeping this a secret would be that much more difficult yet all the more so exciting.

The Malfoy's and Anastasia apparated to the match and they proceeded to walk through the crowds in order to reach their private box , stopping to greet others along the way. Lucius and Narcissa began walking up the flight of stairs first followed closely behind were Anna and Draco. "Ah here's Lucius now. I'm positive most of you know each other " came the voice of Cornelius Fudge. Anastasia tensed when she laid her eyes on who Cornelius was conversing with. The Weasley's. Anna tensed and her jaw locked into place, her hand reaching towards her wand. After her last run in with Percy, Anna was certainly taking no chances. Draco noticed the change in Anna and turned looking confused at the situation. Anastasia narrowed her eyes completely having zoned out of the conversation , until Arthur Weasley held his hand out towards her . Instead of shaking his hand Anna chose to not take notice. "Anna" Narcissa scolded as if Anna was one of her own. "Oh that's quite alright Narcissa truly, Percy did say some rather unforgiveable things, it's bound to be hard for her to forgive. No hard feelings. Right lets get to our seats shall we?" Arthur said clapping his hands , he began rushing the children up the stairs. Draco took Anna by the hand and proceeded to drag her to their box, very nearly pulling her over . The private box even had a adjoined balcony with slightly more spacious seats than the original. " Look Dray, As spectacular as this view is these shoes are not made for me to be on my feet leaning over a railing for the whole match , so I'm going to fetch a seat by your parents" Anna said her cloak swishing behind her. Spying the two elder Malfoy's seated alone in the back row with a seat saved between them.

Anastasia sidled her way to the spare seat squeezing herself past Narcissa , whose fingers trailed up the smooth skin of Anna's bare leg. The entire arena suddenly erupted into applause and cheers. The Bulgarian team came flying out along with their mascots. Veela's. Veela's were stunningly beautiful creatures capable of entrancing any male in their presence. At the sight of the many Veela's Anastasia eyes Lucius watching his reaction, her hand grasps the top of his thigh squeezing hard. Lucius jumped at the unsuspected contact, his actions gaining the attention of Narcissa. " Oh Darling I do believe our princess wants to play" Narcissa cooed. " Yes it would certainly seem that way. It is rather brave of our babygirl if you ask me. Tell us babygirl is that what you want ? You want us to make you scream our names for everyone to hear ? Does our dirty little princess want an audience to watch her beg ?" Lucius teased , his voice low enough for both women to hear. The effect of his words had Anna squirming in her seat. With her hand still on Lucius's thigh Anna could feel his length hardening beneath her touch, deciding to test the waters ,Anna began slowly undoing the zip . " Don't start something you can't finish baby " Cissa whispered into Anastasia's ear while sliding her hand to cup Annas throbbing heated , panty-less sex . At the discovery of no panties, Cissa was in two minds to whether to take Anna over her knee right there and then or completely fuck her senseless later. Deciding on the latter Narcissa began dragging her index finger through the slick folds of Anastasia's wet folds, reaching the bud of nerves she began rubbing slow circles. Anastasia bit down on her lip in an attempt to keep their cover being blown. With Lucius's erect shaft free from its clothed prison, Anna wrapped her hand around the base. Anastasia moved her hand up to the red swollen tip swiping her thumb across the tip spreading the glistening pre-cum over her thumb. Anna made eye contact with Lucius as she popped the cum covered thumb into her mouth humming in approval at the salty taste it provided. Lucius stared in disbelief at his little princess's bold action. Leaning to her slightly Lucius whispered.

" You do that again princess and I'll take it upon myself to personally destroy the beautifully tight cunt of yours and mummy wont be able to save you" Lucius smirked with a glint in his eye. " You promise daddy" Anna whispered back.

Anastasia felt a rush of adrenaline surge through her , whether that was due to him or to the fact Cissa was still launching her attack on anna's clit she didnt know neither did she care. Anna's hand picked up the pace around Lucius whilst she ground down against Cissa's fingers . Narcissa's fingers curling inside of anna hitting the spot each and every time she thrust , her thumb hitting the bud of nerves driving Anna so close to the edge. The closer she got to her big finish the harder and faster she gripped Lucius. Narcissa felt Anna's walls constrict around her fingers. Cissa removed her fingers from Anna lifting them up for both Anna and Lucius to see Anna's juices dripping from her fingers. "I'd offer you a taste my love but I really dont want to " Cissa smiled warmly at the pair as she cleaned each finger with her tongue one by one making a rather erotic show for the pair. " Fuck Cissa ! I'm so close babygirl I highly suggest taking your hand away before we make a mess " he warned , Anna chose to disregard his warning and continued her ascent, hell bent even to make her daddy feel as good as he makes her. Anna felt Lucius's cock twitch in her hand signalling he was about to cum and boy was she ready for it. Lucius with his eyes momentarily clenched shut, he missed as Anastasia bent her head down, with one last pump on his twitching penis Lucius rode his orgasm out shooting white shots of cum. Surprisingly Anna caught the majority of it in her mouth leaving little to no mess. Anastasia rose back into her seat laughing lightly. Narcissa placed her hand on Anna's thigh. " You did such a splendid job darling and you taste so sweet . Our sweet babygirl " Cissa commented softly. Lucius hummed in agreement. " Indeed she did my love , I must admit it does make me wonder how her lips would feel wrapped around it, perhaps her lips on you too my dear . The possibilities are endless wouldn't you say?" Lucius replied quietly. Anna blushed furiously. In the background the arena erupted in to applause. Draco and his friends turned from the railings and ran approaching Anna and his parents. "They lost , the Bulgarians lost by 10 points 10 freaking points. What a match though Anna? " Draco asked. "Oh yes It was definitely quite the match. Had me on the edge of my seat the entire game" Anastasia enthused back. Draco looked pleased at her response. " Oh father , mother Blaise invited me and the others to go back to his tent for a while , Would that be alright with you" Draco asked them politely his hands clasped in front of him. "Yes Draco that's fine by us , you know where our tent is should you need something. Be safe" Lucius allowed , secretly happy that Draco would be elsewhere giving him and Cissa time with their babygirl. Draco fist pumped the air in pure excitement. "Anna you want to come I'm sure everyone would love to see you again you are everyone's favourite head girl after all " Draco asked his eyes wide and hopeful. Anna shuffled her weight from foot to foot . " Oh um Draco that's rather kind of you but in fact I'm rather tired . I figured I might just go and get some sleep" she replied scratching her neck at the awkwardness silently praying Draco wouldn't see through her lie. Draco nodded at her response waving and leaving with his friends in tow. With Draco gone , Anastasia, Narcissa and Lucius walked side by side back to the tent . " Are you actually tired little princess or can mummy and I convince you to join us in what I do believe you started earlier this evening?" Lucius asked with every intention of keeping the promise he made her earlier. " Well I suppose theres a chance I could be persuaded" Anna shrugged lightly, spotting their tent she turned to them with a small giggle and took off running . Leaving Lucius and Narcissa to watch in complete awe. Narcissa curled into her husband's side. " My god I love her " Cissa whispered softly . Lucius planted a soft kiss to the temple of Cissa's head smiling at her comment after all he too felt the same way. " Me too my darling me too , let us hurry I do

believe our precious girl would not fare well being kept waiting." Lucius said taking Cissa by the hand and into the tent. As they entered their room of the tent , they both froze in complete and utter shock , the sight of their princess already on their bed completely naked . Her long hair pulled back into the high ponytail that Lucius seemed to adore . Her hands on her knees patiently waiting . " You and mummy kept me waiting daddy, that's not very nice of either of you. I thought I'd have to try and start things all on my own . It wouldn't have been as good as mummy's but you were taking too long" Anna pouted . Narcissa felt instantly guilty , Lucius however was plagued with the image of his babygirl on the bed pleasuring herself without them. That thought being more than he could take , he strode over to a pouting Anna turning her by the cheekbones to look at him. " Oh Is that so little one ? You would start without us ?Really, is that so?" he taunted her. Anastasia looked from him to Narcissa who watched on with an arched brow, embracing in the confidence their princess had today. Lucius didnt like the attention shifted from him and pulled her back to look at him by her ponytail. " Touch yourself princess I dare you and I'll take you over my knee and give you the spanking of my dreams. Only mummy and daddy get to fuck you with our fingers. Wouldn't you agree darling?" Lucius asked pulling Anna to stand in his arms turning them to look at Cissa who had also now gotten rid of her clothes. " Oh I absolutely agree my dear of course unless we tell her otherwise" she caressed Lucius's cheek placing a kiss to the corner of his lips , leaning over Anna's head in the process. Narcissa then stood looking Anna dead in the eyes. " Although I might add that I will spank you myself should you ever leave the house without panties on again my baby" Cissa warned , Anna silently cursed in her head. Lucius's arms tightened around her bare waist placing her down on the bed with Narcissa close behind , their hands roaming over Anna . Lucius let his left hand cup her cheek while his right hand gently held her throat. " No panties ? Really ? In that case perhaps a punishment is needed hmmm?" Lucius thought out loud to Narcissa. Anastasia gasped at the sudden surge of pleasure rushing through her just from his hand on her throat . Before he could apply pressure , loud noises of explosions and screaming interrupted. Leaping up Anna and Narcissa quickly dressed using magic while Lucius went to see exactly what the commotion is. When he returned , he had a panic stricken look on his face. "Death eaters we need to leave" Lucius said sternly. He knew all too well the damage they were capable of. Narcissa's hands flew to her mouth. " DRACO" Anastasia and Narcissa shouted together. Anna wasted no time hurrying out of the tent with her wand drawn ignoring the shouts and cries of Lucius and Narcissa behind her. Curses were being thrown from every direction. Anastasia spots Blaise and his friends leaving but no Draco. " BLAISE , where is Draco ? He was with you" Anna asked frantically .Blaise nodded. "He was until they started attacking , we got split the last I saw he was by my tent" Anna didnt wait to listen the rest. Running as best she could in a dress and heels, Anna began calling Draco over and over until she saw him . Draco was doing his utmost best to defend himself against three Death Eaters. He was doing so well until he tripped over an abandoned backpack. "Stupefy" Anna cast knocking the death eaters back, Anna helped Draco to his feet keeping him tucked behind her back. She now stood facing the Death Eaters. " Protego" Anna shouted blocking their attacks. "SECTUMSEMPRA" Anastasia cast leaving two of the three Death Eaters bleeding to death on the floor. A flash of green hit the third . The Killing Curse. It was an unforgiveable spell. Lucius and Narcissa appeared from behind Anna and Draco , grabbing onto them , they apparated back to Malfoy Manor. Draco broke into sobs at how close he came to death. Narcissa rushed to him

cradling him like the child he was. Narcissa took Draco upstairs and let him talk his way through what happened before they found him. Upon hearing Draco's side of things, Narcissa would be forever in debt to Anna for saving him the way she did. Meanwhile in the master bedroom Lucius pulled Anastasia into him , needing to hold her in his embrace. Never had he felt the amount of fear and panic that he had when he saw her trying to defend herself and Draco against three ruthless Death Eaters. Tomorrow he would absolutely scold her so bad but for tonight both her and his son remained in one piece . No physical damage. " Princess you have no idea how relieved I am that your not harmed . Myself and Cissa can never lose you babygirl. We need you" Lucius almost cried into her hair. A single tear rolling down his face. Narcissa entered the room. " He's okay he's sleeping poor boy is shaken though, We owe you a thousand thank yous darling , without you I fear our Draco may not be here tonight so thank you our beautiful Anna . Now we've had enough for one night wouldn't you say ? How about a bath and some much needed cuddles in bed hmm?" Cissa suggested. Anastasia and Lucius nodded in agreement. All three of them now submerged in a bubble bath both Narcissa and Lucius refused to let go of Anna's hand . The events of tonight really shook everyone to their core. Narcissa offered to wash Anna's hair while Lucius just wanted to hold her a little longer. After they were all bathed and ready for bed Anna had yet to climb in with them instead hesitating by the door. " Darling girl are you not coming in with us? Is something wrong?" Narcissa asks panicked at the possibility Anna could have seriously hurt herself. " No nothing is wrong it's just with Draco home shouldn't I be in my guest room?" Anna asked looking to the floor. When Draco was usually home Anna usually stayed in a guest room down the hall to keep their secret. " Darling come and cuddle with us for a while, we all need it , I can carry you to bed later princess" Lucius persuaded. Anna didn't need to be asked twice . She jumped straight up onto the bed crawling into Lucius's open arms, Anna settled down and held hers open for Cissa to crawl into. Lucius began playing with Anna's hair twirling it around his fingers. Kissing the crown of his head as he twirled each piece. Anna wrapped her arms around Narcissa holding her against her chest. Something about being stuck between the two made Anna feel safe, the safest she had ever felt. " I love you Lucius and I love you Narcissa "Anastasia said sleepily, her eyes fighting to stay open. Lucius and Narcissa both tensed at those words. The first time their Anastasia had said that she loved them and with their names well it just melted them both. " We love you too darling so much " Narcissa whispered gently moving to kiss her forehead , catching the smile on her face from her words brought tears to Cissa's eyes again. Anna drifted peacefully to sleep surrounded in a loving embrace .

[purgemarchlockdown]

#on the topic of child abuse...#(just to clarify i dont care much what people ultimately vote and i personally dont vote im talking only about the reasoning/perception)#theres also an opinion that wishing for amane to be inno because she is an abused child is watering her down to “abused child”#and thus treating her unseriously and taking away her autonomy since shes no more than a “child” even when it comes to murder#(that could be done by her own choice)#i dont want to articulate my thoughts about this in-depth but i just dont think its the best approach to the topic of abused children#as op noted when it comes to amane people are trying to find more “free space” to think abt than with other prisoners#as if “abused child” case is too easy of a case and there needs to be something else#i dont think the debatable thing about amane is whether she did the murder out of her own will or not#and thus whether she should be judged as a murderer who acted on her own will the same as other murderers#what i mean is sadistic children whose actions are not always influenced by their environment exist and amane is just not portrayed as such#i think the debatable thing is that the cult's mindset is way too deep in her#there's “are we able to save her” question being raised really strongly#like does it really have a point to forgive or not forgive if we wont be able to influence her mindset in the slightest#at least with the milgram system#does it have a point if we can't do anything to help one of the most if not the most vulnerable person in here#so people are trying to find something else and in the end the topic of “abused child” gets put away whatsoever#also i said i dont really care abt voting but#“you did a bad thing and you wont get away easy with it just because of being a child” must be already what she hears in her family#its kind of a bunch of random thoughts but all in all#i don't like the way some people approach the topic of abuse just because “we need to think more in-depth”#seeing an abused child and thinking my fucking god its an abused child is not superficial @tsuwmya

These are Wonderful Tags and I love them dearly. As someone is mostly undecided at the moment but leaning Inno who has the personal opinion that in the Milgram System Amane Cannot Grow this a really good point! I have a lot of messy thoughts about how fandom spaces can Treat trauma and sensitive subject matter but that's a very good point there! The treatment of Amane's abuse like a superficial character trait and not something that's intertwined with her story and themes, or something that a lot of people have to deal with in the real world.

I assume that's because Amane's abuse is "obvious" in the sense that we see it happening, you don't have to look far to understand vaguely what's happening. So it gets pushed aside. Though that gets into my personal feelings about theroysides of fandom as a whole and that's a lot so-

Honestly on the "are we able to save her" the question also feels couched in the question of "is it worth trying to save her even if all the options are bad" most likely if Amane gets released she goes back to the cult and I doubt anyone wants that for her. It's possible that guilty just seems the more merciful option. I personally think we gotta let her out, deciding that since we can't help her so she shouldn't be let out just sounds wrong to me. I think Amane should be atleast be given the opportunity to try to live, even if her situation fucking sucks. I want to believe Amane will eventually make it out and I don't think the mindset is too deep inside her, I have, so many notes of just scenes and moments that show that Amane isn't in fact stuck forever there.

So, I've seen the new Amane gifs and-

Spoilers under the cut.

Big sister Shion, I think you misplaced your taser-

Again.

In all seriousness, I would like to discuss the second gif in this batch. Since at first glance, it looked like Amane arriving home to me. However, it could come off as an abduction. If she's leaving a public area or is in one. Something that's still a possibility given all the papers covering the door.

Unless, for some reason, Amane's family just hangs papers on the inside of their home door or own a business that does that. Either of these things could be the case. Since we see them working on a set in Magic, and they could put things up at home like this to remind them of certain things. That's not uncommon in familial residences, after all.

However, the papers and cards there looked to be put up for advertising purposes. Kind of like what one would see on a bulletin board just on the door. This is usually done on the front doors of businesses, which is why I said this makes it possible for this scene to be an abduction.

Now I do believe that Riyone, the one shown to use electricity on Amane in Magic, is more than likely her mother. However, I also believe her parents are more than likely divorced, and her mother was using the pilgrimage thing to kill two birds with one stone.

Q.09 Tell us your family structure.

Kazui: It’s only me now.

Amane: It was my father, my mother and me.

By explaining away her father's sudden absence and displaying to Amane that her father believes in this too. This would motivate Amane to take these teachings more seriously because, as we have been shown over and over again, Amane has great respect, admiration, and love for her father.

Q.02 Who do you look up to?

Kazui: You won’t know them even if I say, but I have a childhood friend I really respect. Sorry for just answering someone from my personal life.

Amane: My father. He’s been away on a trip for a while, but I think that’s very honourable of him.

So, if she was led to believe that her father followed these teachings as well she would try harder to be a good girl in order to,

A. Make her dad proud.

B. Be like her father.

C. Possibly see him if she's good enough.

Q.13 Who do you want to see right now?

Kazui: They won’t see me anymore.

Amane: My father. I want him to praise me for all my hard work.

Japan favors leaving the kid with the parent, which will cause the least change in the child's life. So, they tend to give custody to the parent the child is living with at the time. This is why it's become common for parents who are about to divorce their spouse to either kick the other out of the home or move without notice taking the kid(s) with them and then get a divorce.

"Parents secretly moving out and taking children with them isn’t unheard of-in fact, it’s often viewed in Japan as justified, in part because of instances where domestic violence is alleged. Such unilateral separations are legal in Japan, but if the other parent attempts to take the child back, that can be considered an illegal removal."

This would explain why Kazui and Amane were paired together as their stories may heavily involve highlighting the failings of the divorce system.

If Amane's mother did do this, then her father wouldn't have any legal right to see Amane, and her mom could just come up with any excuse for his absence she wanted. Something that divorced parents tend to do anyhow even when not given such beneficial circumstances to do it under.

"Each year, divorce affects roughly 200,000 Japanese children, double that of 50 years ago in a country where the total number of minors has plummeted. Of children with divorced parents, 1 in 3 said they eventually lost all contact with the noncustodial parent, a 2021 government survey showed. Given the system’s winner-take-all approach, spousal battles have only intensified, escalating the economic and emotional damage." X

Overall, given what we know, Amane's situation is rather complicated. However, I find it very telling that a lot of people are willing to endanger/torment a child for the safety and comfort of a bunch of adults.

Simply because this is always how child abuse and neglect has been treated by society. Especially when done by a parent. The concept itself is so abhorrent and senseless that many would rather look away from the issue entirely than confront it. Even if they must shift the blame to the victim to do so.

It's easier to go,

"Well, that kid must have done something to get that response from their parent."

Objectively true statement. Something was done to cause this. That's simply how cause and effect work. However, that something can range from things as simple as helping another person in a way they deem unacceptable

or breathing wrong.

The victim undergoing familial abuse doesn't get to pick the struggle it fucking picks them. It's Monday and their primary caretaker had a bad day at work? Guess who's getting beat again. This may be the rest of their evening or week now. Aw shit- did they get a low grade on a test?

Hope they're ready to go to the quiet room or sit at a table for seven hours to be taught this from the beginning. Because they're making their parent(s) look bad. If only they were smarter and not a complete embarrassment, then they could be having fun right now.

20/06/18

Amane: Thank you very much for teaching me. ……but, though I realise it’s strange me saying this after I asked you, I must admit it’s kind of unexpected. You give off the impression of someone who wouldn’t want to get involved in things like this.

Kotoko: ……well, you’re not wrong. I’m surrounded by people who could all be murderers, so I don’t plan on going out of my way to talk and make friends. I can’t let my guard down. But I like ambitious people like you. If you want to study more, then I’m happy to teach.

Amane: I see…… You look scary at first impression, but I quite like the way you treat everyone equally regardless of whether they’re older or younger than you. You don’t just treat me like a child or anything like that.

Kotoko: Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today. I don’t have any plans to let you get away with something just “because you’re a child.” ……remember that. There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.

Ah, they managed to fix all those things; man, that's nice. Why do they always need something (clothes, food, water, etc)? Have they thought of their parent(s) needs lately? Recognized how hard their parent(s) are trying. They have it rather good, considering some kids are out there starving. How can they be so ungrateful?

Shifting the onus of blame onto the victim is quite literally a good way to make sure the bar is always moving, and success is unobtainable. This is literally the first thing abusive parents do. Make the abuse seem like the child's fault.

"Well, that was then - this is now. You don't have to keep behaving this way. You're in a safe environment."

An objectively true statement. However, that may not feel emotionally true due to how long the individual has been in an unsafe environment, the likelihood of them changing the behavior that they learned to cope with that immediately is pretty much nonexistent.

"If they were unhappy, they'd say something. It would show more they wouldn't be doing as good at school."

No, they wouldn't; depending on the severity and duration of the abuse.

Usually, the intention of child abusers, especially parents who abuse their children, is to not get caught. They will actively go out of their way to make it look like things are as good as possible. If the kid does or says something that contradicts that they'll just punish them. So, when well-meaning people go,

"Is something wrong?"

The first instinct for a child suffering under familial abuse may be to lie. Because if they don't, whoever they are talking to may discuss what they have told them with their caretaker leading to them getting in trouble again. Sometimes parents that partake in this type of behavior will even coach their kids when it comes to lying.

"How'd you get this?" - "Playing."

"Why did you miss so many days of school?" - "I caught a cold."

"Hey, do you like it at home?" - "Yep, my life is great. My parent(s) and I do (acceptable to mention hobby here) on these days. It's a lot of fun. Why do you ask?"

For children living under these sorts of conditions every waking moment is a fucking balancing act. They either say the right thing or get in trouble because at the end of the day they're going to have to go back home. So, children living under these sorts of conditions are well aware of what happens if they act a certain way in public by the time they reach school age.

"I mean, it could be that... but it's best not to pry."

The quiet part out loud. People don't want to be bothered by it. It's uncomfortable and usually considered to not be the business of outside parties unless it's child services. So, people look the other way and get uncomfortable when it's even alluded to near them. They'll look at the kid and go well, that's bumming me out. Best to think about things that can be solved at the end of the day. I mean, that's their legal guardian. I can't tell someone else how to raise their kids.

That's just how a majority of people view child abuse/neglect. Because children are either a nice thing to have around, or a problem that should be ignored or handled. Everyone in Milgram outside of Amane has been given a good deal of the benefit of the doubt. Despite them all being older and just as capable of understanding their behavior along with the hurt it has caused while rationalizing why they did it as she is.

Amane is the only character in the series who has been treated with the scrutiny of an adult despite everything she's been through. To me, that's very fucked up. It's gotten to the point that I don't believe people even recognize they're doing it. They don't recognize they're justifying continuing to let a kid remain in an abusive environment because it makes their lives easier. Because then they'll be more comfortable.

Directly mirroring the way child abuse is pushed to the side and swept under the rug in the real world.

Because at the end of the day people only care about children when it's convenient for them. When it's easy to care, when the person they're protecting the kid from is someone they already dislike. People have no trouble pointing out these issues then. Because it's easy to talk about the pain of children or someone being younger when it helps others support or deny something they already feel a certain way about.

It's easy for one to conclude that what Futa did was wrong, that Mu, Yuno, or Haruka made a mistake because of their ages and upbringing. Yet when shown the horrendous treatment Amane has endured and her age being put on full display from the beginning... Somehow there's still room to dance around the idea of whether she should be Innocent (Forgiven) or not.

Despite being given the option to not continue to torment the youngest, most vulnerable, and consistently neglected person here, many can suddenly find a good deal of justifications to continue her punishment.

All I did was say a bad thing was wrong, how was I to know that was gonna to happen; what about what you're doing?

"Futa isn't sorry, he just doesn't want to get punished." A lot of people wanted to discuss remorse earlier and how Futa displays it. Yet, showing remorse isn't indicative of change. Plus, remorse and shame look a lot alike.

The most important thing with Futa is he not only recognized that what he did was wrong regardless of how he displays that- He, also took the necessary steps to change his behavior moving forward. In order to prevent what had happened before from happening again. He's actively attempted to show more concern for those younger than himself since entering Milgram.

Even though he isn't particularly good at communicating, he goes out of his way to attempt to check in on others and asks about them. Despite saying he can't afford to do that he's still done so. Even going to inquire about Haruka.

He can do that but despite seeing the consequences of our judgements, a lot of people are too comfortable with doubling down on some of the most disenfranchised characters within Milgram. Simply because the idea of that sort of person existing to some is a personal offense.

That's fine Milgram let's you vote on that alone after all. However, I definitely wouldn't like my name being used to excuse the mistreatment of others. So, instead of saying it's for another prisoner's sake how about we cut out the middleman and get straight to the point.

Some people within the fandom would be more comfortable with Milgram if Amane were restrained. It would give certain individuals a sense of peace of mind.

No matter how easily broken that will be by whatever prisoner decides to act up next during the intermission in response to their verdict.

Despite everyone in Milgram showing little or no fear of Amane and Mahiru literally saying this,

Q.13 What do you think of Amane?

Shidou: Us adults need to do something for her. I can’t do anything while looking after the injured right now so I have to leave it to someone else, which is bothering me.

Mahiru: I would’ve loved to play a lot with her if she was doing better.

So, it'd be nice if people stopped using Mahiru as an excuse to hurt another prisoner that she has admitted to liking numerous times.

Q.10 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with?

Kazui: Shidou-kun, Mikoto and me all smoke together, so I think we get along well.

Amane: If I had to pick someone, then Yuno-san and Mahiru-san.

Plus, this is simply rich; looking back on all these people discussing the safety and care of children to compare it to how they're acting now. Justifying continuing the mental suffering of a child simply because it appears narratively convenient to them. You're going to meta vote the kid twice, really? Okay, go ahead.

That's the sort of place Milgram is after all. A place that says children only matter when they can fit into the framing most convenient to the one speaking. It doesn't matter if Amane is tortured blatantly on screen, it doesn't matter if she's having a rough time. Because a bunch of people have already decided that coddling adults who should damn well be able to protect themselves is more important than a child's safety.

Not surprising or disappointing, that's just the natural way of things in society.

I mean you might as well, I don't know-

Ignore the consistent signs of familial abuse happening around her, ostracize her because the idea makes you uncomfortable, avoid her like a plague. Put her in the corner because children are meant to speak only when spoken to.

Oh...hm that sounds familiar-

Lol, fuck kids though am I right? The only time people decided to care about Satoko, and her lived experiences, was when she was a teenager. Maybe if Amane was a few years older, then her lived experiences would matter. For now, though, nah-

Moving on! I'd also like to discuss two other gifs; the close-up of the baton with rope attached and the attempted flag twirling. Given what we've seen I believe that Purge March will be retreading what we are shown in Magic except subtracting Amane's idealized view of things.

It was implied that this was her ideal at the end of Magic through this image-

A scene that brings to question all of the presentation of Magic. That made me wonder if this is how things went or just Amane's more idealized retelling.

Star pointed out the absence of anyone in front of the stage in her post Sunday. However, there's another thing that's odd. The thing we see before the credits roll isn't everyone standing together as they are in the end but Amane by herself brandishing her wand-

However, unlike when she first brandished it her chibi form her wand moves from her left hand to her right back to her left again before the fake credits role at the end of Magic.

This also happens directly after everyone just mysteriously disappears like right before this she was dancing with just Yuri and Riyone-

Since we noticeably see Yuri isn't holding anyone else's hand and Riyone doesn't seem to be either. So, where did Gachata and Gozake go? Then when they are back in the credits it's like this-

Instead of Amane being in between Yuri and Riyone like she was before she's between Gozake and Riyone.

Since she did this when no one else seemed to be present this could mean a variety of things. One that she may have used the wand more than once, two she did a routine of some sort which she just finished, or even denote handedness meaning her left hand is more than likely her dominant one.

Considering how her routine begins with the wand in her left hand and ends with it in her left hand. However, I don't know enough about baton twirling to say. Plus, every video I've found on it has emphasized starting with one's right hand regardless of dominance. So, this is odd.

(Star here! Given the religious aspects of Amane's circumstances, it could also be something to do with the stigma left-handed people have/had. They might have forced her to use her right hand for things. A prime example of this is the gif of her attempting to spin the flagpole. This could indicate that Amane was forced to use her right hand, resulting in a loss of motor skills you wouldn't get when using your dominant hand. Further backing this is the fact that in the close-up gif of Amane twirling the baton, she starts with her left hand and then transfers it to her right)

Adding to that in baton twirling people are specifically trained to use both hands and it's widely accepted that one is meant to start with the right. Though the baton is usually meant to be the length of one's dominant hand.

X

X

Video on Baton Measuring: X, X

Outside of giving us a possible idea on her handedness- This also adds more depth to this answer given by Amane in her first written interrogation-

Q.14 Do you listen to music?

Kazui: I guess I do from time to time. It’s all super old music though, so I don’t think you’ll know it.

Amane: I don’t particularly listen to it for fun.

Because if Amane is majorette which has been all but stated, she would listen to music predominantly to practice her routines. This would give more depth to her pairing with Kazui as well. Since they've both been heavily related to the performing arts in some way.

Baton Twirling routines: X, X, X, X, X

What Amane appeared to be doing in the new gif using the baton with the string: X

(What Amane appears to have attempted with the flag toss: X)

Back to how Purge March may be the same events just less idealized.

If you look at these frames-

Notice that the way the flagpole lands on Amane's head and how the impact affects her mirrors this scene of Gachata flicking her forehead.

(This time, it's Star typing something! Gunsli was busy for a bit so I was headed to write this up o7

Taking this and the gif of her desperately trying to make her way through the water to grab the flag in front of her, it's likely they are going to use the switch from flagpole to baton as an allegory. Specifically, to better illustrate the timeline of events/order of circumstances.

Though, to expand on this, the flag may also represent the idea of everyone living happily together that Amane refers to in Magic. The baton, however, represents the ideologies surrounding the cult her family is involved in. If this is true, then it could also be visual shorthand for the idea of Amane changing her priorities.)

With that I think we're done here. There's a lot of interesting things about Purge March and I think it's going to follow up on Magic well. It's making me more and more excited for Double. Milgram has been very hush-hush about Amane and Mikoto. So, their songs might just end up speaking more than any of the others so far.

[actualbird]

God sometimes your tags just remind me why I adore you “modern epistolary storytelling” where else am I gonna read that

ADKJVBKEJBWEBIGUWBI THANK U!! BUT ALSO LISTEN!!! IM NOT NUTS!!!! chatfics ARE a form modern epistolary storytelling and i have a lot of feelings about it and----

okay i actually dont have to type out a several paragraphs long rant about my view on chatfics and how they are modern epistolary storytelling because i already wrote that rant three years ago lol, here u go, if ur interested.

if u do click that link, pls forgive me in how i spoke in there because i was more an asshole three years ago. ive mellowed more out now and accept that all writers can write whatever the hell they want. i did link the answer tho bc it still has my key beliefs on chatfic as modern epistolary storytelling

which i guess i'll list out here jus to be clear

chatfic is this era’s version of letters but extremely fast paced which makes it PERFECT for a story because you have the speed of spoken dialog but mediated through a messaging platform. [paraphrased: that being said, if a chatfic is treated like Basically Just Dialog, theres a lot of stuff that is left un-utilized]

emotions are kind of hard to do over chat but it’s possible and really really powerful when done right. ive had so many fucking emotional conversations over messages. the trick is like….realizing emotions are different over chat. because you cant see them. you can only read their words

the most interesting thing about chatfics is the fact that over message, there are things youd never say outright [...] this means that not only are you telling a story using the words you write, but youre also telling a story using the words you dont write. sometimes the most powerful thing [...] is the words left unsaid.

as you can see, i always have too many feelings about every single thing ever

[edge-lorde]

the religion of the galactic horde

“You seem reluctant to help me. But I only wish to use your weapon to bring peace to the darkest corners of the universe. (Glimmer: Peace? If you activate the Heart of Etheria, there will be no one left.) Yes. No war, no pain. Old worlds swept aside, a new beginning for the universe.” --Horde Prime explaining his motivations to Glimmer

the horde in shera was definitely inspired by Christianity and uses a lot of its imagery, the most iconic being the baptism scene. it certainly gives off the vibes of a christian or christian adjacent cult, but what is its actual doctrine? i have some thoughts about that. 

first here are what i consider to be the 3 main differences between real christianity and the horde: 

Their jesus didn't ascend to heaven. He's still with them.

They don't have a larger creator god. They worship horde prime like he is a living god but they don't believe that he created the universe.

They have no focus on the afterlife

this is going to be long.

before i begin heres the sparknotes version of christianity for anyone not familiar. I am not evangelizing this, just think of it as LORE. 

Once upon a time there was a guy named Jesus. He was the son of the one true god, who both created everything in the universe, is everywhere and knows everything, and controls the afterlife. Jesus is god born as a mortal person, sent by god to teach all of humanity the errors of their evil ways so they can repent and go to the good afterlife when they die. There're two afterlives, a good one and a bad one, heaven is the good one and its run by god and his army of angels, which are divine beings that god can send to earth to do things. The bad one is called hell. 

Anyway, in his time on earth jesus was the only person ever to never do anything bad ever (called sin). He tried to teach people how to be good but was Too Good for this Cruel World and was killed. 3 days later he came back from the dead, proving his divinity. Some time after that however, he ascended into heaven without dying, telling his followers to spread the word because hes going to be coming back. Christians today are still awaiting his return. In the meantime, christians follow his teachings left behind in holy texts. 

The crux of christianity is to get to heaven when you die, and this can only be done by following the teachings of jesus christ, believing in god, and believing that jesus was the son of god. Its a given that everyone will do bad things at some point in their lives so you're supposed to pray to god and ask for forgiveness regularly and if you really mean it then god will forgive you. 

thats the basics. 

to my first main point from above, if we posit that horde prime is the jesus equivalent of the horde religion, because hes treated as a living god, his goal is to spread his philosophy throughout the universe, then in the horde religions jesus never ascended into heaven. this would be like if jesus in our world rose from the dead and just picked up where he left off, and never died after that and was alive today. that would be pretty good proof of divinity. 

to my 2nd point, theres nothing in the show that suggests that horde prime thinks that he created the universe. this means that he did not get his divinity from anywhere but inside himself, hes not claiming that hes the rightful ruler of the known universe for any other reason besides his ideas are the best. 

the 3rd point is that the show does show horde prime or the horde caring one bit about the afterlife, save for one line from wrong hordak.

"Brother, I hope you, too, are full of only love for Horde Prime and have no crippling doubt eating at your soul."

meaning that they have the concept of the soul. which is very interesting and ill get to it, but on the whole the hordes focus seems to be on the here and now. this is a huge departure from christianity because chrisitanity is all about getting to the afterlife. that is the reason that christians are supposed to follow christ and recruit as many people as possible to do the same, because if they dont, they or other people will supposedly go to hell when they die. i say supposedly because at funerals, even if the person who died wasnt a believer, in my experience no christian would ever ever ever insinuate that someone went to hell. 

but the difference still stands. following real christian ideology is supposed to have benefits for the individual in the afterlife, while in the horde religion salvation seems to only be found by submitting to prime in this life and being either a tool that he can use to further his goal of purifying the universe or by letting him remove you from it. 

on top of all that, horde prime has the hive mind, which he uses to control the thoughts of all his followers. this means that theres no room for a bible study, no need of a holy text at all in fact, and no room for interpretation. horde prime delivers orders to your brain directly and can tell if you think anything out of line. real Christianity does have the idea that a sin that you just think about doing is as bad as actually doing it, but in the horde these thoughts can be easily discovered and punished. 

the horde religion seems to me to be a strangely secular version of christianity with only the bad parts remaining; the control, the blind faith, the certainty that you are right and everyone else is wrong, the not questioning authority. with none of the good aspects like community, and good deeds. it is a cult in the truest sense of the word, a religion that begins and ends with one person only, that person being horde prime.

so, if you take horde prime out of the equation, what, if anything, would be left? 

i find the plight of the horde clones here to be the most interesting. we know that they do have thoughts about their religion, as it was hordaks belief that he could earn his way back into horde primes god graces that kept him going all those years in despondos, and wrong hordak is distraught when he discovers that horde prime lied about krytis. 

unlike both the chipped people we see in the show and real religious converts, the clones were born into this cult that values blind obedience only, and have no prior ideology or cultural identity to fall back on when they are taken out of it. 

so to answer this question, i must add some conjecture to horde primes backstory and how the clones see themselves in horde primes universe. I already wrote up a brief backstory idea for horde prime/the clones and have it posted on here somewhere. I'm not going to dig it up but you could probably find it in the #horde prime tag on my blog if you dig hard enough. 

To summarize it though, I have it as horde prime was once a regular (bad) dude who became a cult leader under the premise of preaching peace --> he becomes disillusioned with people and even his own followers because he doesn't actually like people, he likes manipulating them. --> this and the power of being a cult leader go to his head and he starts to think that he is the only person in existence capable of living a moral life and everyone else needs to be saved from themselves, the world would be a better place if he could just make everyone's decisions for them. --> he somehow gets a hold of the technology needed to set up the hive mind, be it by inventing it himself, stealing it, finding it, or being gifted it. 

I'll pause here to address the theory that horde prime was originally an eldritch being that simply possessed a dude who would become the template for the clones. I think there's enough stuff in the show that this is a valid read and might even be canon but i don't really care for it. For me, what makes horde prime a compelling villain is that he's a very human evil, so having him actually be an evil demon thing instead of a really bad but believable dude who got near ultimate power weakens his character. BUT, i’m not going to address it in my comic so i'll leave it open as to whether he's got that going on or not. If he is, the clones don’t know about it and neither they nor the other characters have any way of discovering it. IF he is though, it would happen here. I could see it being a cool idea for him to get the hive mind from the eldritch being that would then possess him and haunt his lineage for time immemorial as a deal with the devil sort of thing, but he has to be a bad person before that.

Anyway he gets the hive mind--> he gets all of his followers to chip themselves --> gets those people to chip everyone else on his home planet --> use his planet wide army to harvest all resources on the planet and build his first space fleet and take to the skies and start his conquest--> realize that if he is to succeed hes going to need to both become immortal and find a steady source of new followers because chipped people die eventually and he doesnt care about people enough to figure out a way to keep a self sufficient population of followers alive, he just wants people around to adore him and do his bidding--> invents his cloning system-->

and heres the big one,

his original body has to die so he can upload his consciousness into a new clone.  

and THAT, to the clones, would be the moment that horde prime becomes a god.

his reliance on the hive mind and vast network of followers are what give him his godly abilities, but just as the horde clones could not exist without being cloned from horde prime, so too could horde prime not exist as he does in the show without them. 

i see it as both a christlike sacrifice and a cyclical system of debt and sacrifice. horde prime dies for our sins, so that he might continue to purify the universe so that there will be no more death and more clones will be born, while the clone hes possessing has to essentially die by giving himself up entirely to become the new prime so all this can happen too, and to repay primes death. not all clones can become the next prime however, but all must be ready to die for him, hence horde prime having clone infantries despite also having robots he could send instead. 

i dont have clear thoughts about what the green goo is, but horde primes words about his brothers lending him their life force go along with this idea. the clones give him theyre life force, so he can give it back to them.

another interesting aspect of this is that prime always portrays himself as a brother to his followers, never a father as christ is portrayed as in christianity. i know this is from hordak and horde prime being actual brothers in the 80s show but ive seen this trope come up a few times in media before, where a man raises a kid but has them call him their brother instead of dad. it seems so deliberate. because a parents job is to take care of you, but a sibling, might take care of you sure, but thats not their job. its like hes deliberately trying to place himself on the same level as his ‘sibling’ so he can demand the same amount of respect you would give to a parent without taking on the responsibility to not... ya know... screw them over in the head? idk it seems very slimy to me. but that says more about prime as a character than how the clones see him.

and we still have the concept of the soul to fit in here somehow, and do they have an afterlife? im going to say no to the afterlife. theres just not enough in the show to go off of and everything that we do know about horde prime points to him only caring about himself in life. HOWEVER, there is nothing more quintessentially christian than the concept of hell and i think that will be of use here. 

since the creation of the clones is tied with the creation of their religion, this would put the clones themselves less as allegories of people who need to be saved and more as the horde version of angels. in my telling here, horde prime views all people who do not submit to his will as net negatives to the universe who have to be removed for peace to exist, so by this view the chipped people are the saved, the people that horde prime kills are the sinners, and his military campaign is one long apocalypse slowly working its way through the universe, with the clones carrying out his righteous judgement. but the afterlife isnt involved in this, so even if some chipped people are left alive, eventually they will all die out, and then it will be just horde prime and is clones in a perfect, peaceful starless sky, and thats what heaven is. 

getting to heaven is the main goal of real christianity and it is the same in horde religion, but heaven isnt a place in the horde cosmology, its a physical goal that has to be created. not all clones will make it to heaven of course, because most will die before they reach total destruction of the universe but the clones arent supposed to think of themselves as individuals anyway. they have to be willing to die for horde prime and die for the cause or be cast out and thats hell. 

i dont see prime as someone who would kill his own followers outright too often even though he could. plus they arent supposed to value their individual lives the same way normal people do anyway it doesnt seem like a real punishment, they need something worse than simple death to fear. so by my view hell for the clones is separation from prime. it can be in life or death. no matter how bad it is in the horde being on the outside of it has to seem worse, and thats where the concept of the soul comes in. when one is a part of the hive mine, their soul is with prime. they are not supposed to have a will or any thoughts beyond love for prime, its essentially the same as not having a soul but they think of it as being at peace. being cast out is to be never at peace and would be told to them as being the worst possible thing that could ever happen to someone because it corrupts the soul. 

“a lot of unpleasant things happen in the horde so just imagine how terrible it must be outside of it! you cant because i protect you from that. now get in the goo, this is for your own good” - horde prime probably 

this is why outsiders are so resistant to submitting to primes light and also why its ok to kill them, in the hordes view. 

so, to start wrapping thigs up, there is no horde without horde prime. the religion starts and ends with him. because he is supposed to be the only person ever to be able to make true moral and just decisions, without him is followers cant take any actions without worrying that they are going against primes will. since they have no holy text they cant extrapolate and try to figure it out either. its up in the air whether or not they are going to find a way to get the horde to make the jump from cult to regular religion.

its late i got to go to bed now

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

@lyhoradka​ tagged me in that post about five bits of text from written media that are burned into your brain and, kindly, gave me a theme of places. i am going to annotate this because i am a bitch

1. holy places are dark places. the wisdom that we get in them is not thin and clear like water but thick and dark like blood. - cs lewis, till we have faces

im almost certain ive misremembered this one but its better this way. clive what the devil fuck were you trying to say with till we have faces. burn it down and start over with this. i have a sidenote about hope faith and love but thats beyond the scope of this discussion

2. night falls. the workers put down their tools and point to the sky. “there is the blueprint,” they say.  invisible cities, italo calvino

again idr if its sky or stars. this is the description of thecla from invisible cities, kindly appointed to me by my good friend venus. this is not the strongest one but it is a strong one and its for Me and i remember it. inna thought i was going to make this whole post about haunted houses and this one is completely the opposite; i’ll consider it aspirational

3. walk to the east till you can walk no more. swim east until you pass the sunrise; swim east until you pass the stars; swim east until you come to the edge of the sky. there you will find yourself on the shores of a different land. even in that place, they shall know your name, and mine. - adel, kc danine/unlikely flowerings, jenna moran

sorry i cheated on this one bc i looked up the attribution and found my memory was wrong. but i cut it up to match what i thought. this one is actually a combo with

3a. the sea will be the color night behind glass. then, slowly, it becomes green: first rain-wet slate, then darkest jade. green as fresh emeralds. green as remembered rivers - the sun beneath the sea, sunless seas

again ive hashed the first part of that but green as remembered rivers lives in my head rent free. these two live under the heading “an exile in the uttermost east”

4. THIS IS NOT A PLACE OF HONOR. NO HIGHLY VALUED DEED IS REMEMBERED HERE. NOTHING OF VALUE IS STORED HERE. 

the warning continues of course but the basis is here. the idea that we cannot produce something so horrifying and terrifying that it does not also fascinate us, as you might guess, fascinates me. nightmare and obsession are such close brothers

5. a woman drew her hair out tight/and fiddled in the violet light/and upside down in air were towers/tolling reminiscent bells that kept the hours/and voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted wells.

in my head sean bean reads these lines in his civ vi voice. why did so much weird fiction pattern weird bits of worldbuilding after this bit. not that i am immune. voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhauuusted wells

BONUS CONTENT

so many things i wanted to add that werent written or that i didnt have memorized perfectly enough

1i. the, like, entire first half of to tundra by los camp, which i will reproduce below

meet me at st nicholas among the oaks behind the church that sway like pigtailed girls as summer wind whistles around your bare-shin knees and the forsythia leaves in the shade lay with me tickled by the feather reeds thats where the trees grow old under the ivys hold as you in my two arms equally safe from harm and in a hazy daydream our bodies married the stream and we broke down into pebbles and silt the water ran from the fields until the oceans we filled and found the seabed the comfiest quilt

there was more life in the weeds than in the few hundred seats that rose from transept to chancel to nave [...]

2i. prim leaves her father’s house. i won’t reproduce the whole story here but there’s a girl prim and her father is the god hansa and they live in a house of iron nails and one day her dad is killed and she has to go bury him and takes nothing but his corpse and a single iron nail. and she traipses all across creation and the void looking for somewhere to bury him but every time she tries his corpse shouts at her for being shit at it. and eventually she collapses, and drops the nail and it springs right up into the same exact house, and she imagines crawling in there with her fathers corpse to die next to him and freaks out and then

A pale face came before her and she was abruptly struck from her despair as though by a great hammer. A beautiful stranger had appeared, mild and tall, of milky flesh, spare in figure, but radiant in voice and visage. "I know you," said the stranger in a small voice, "you are Prim."

"I was Hansa's orphan, the slave, Prim," croaked Prim in response, "and now I am nobody, just a small dirty thing in great emptiness and here I will die."

"No," said the stranger, and the clarity and firmness of her voice and smile send a shock through Prim, "you are Prim, and Prim only, and Prim you shall be." And Prim there realized her tears had made a great pool and she was greeting her own reflection. And she fell into that murky pool and straight away it turned clear as crystal and Prim vomited forth a great black knot from very deep within her, and her body was scoured and lashed by the icy waters of that pool, and great draughts of poisonous filth and despondency were drawn in rushing gasps from her wounds, and her skin was sealed and her soiled trappings were purged and the caked illness and death was ripped away and she rose from that pool fresh and humming. Her back straightened and she scarcely thought on her father's corpse or the faintest echo of that iron house.  That is how Prim left her father's house.

so basically abaddon scooped all of tsiy and every other haunted house writer in like five thousand words

3i. berenike

From my words you will have reached the conclusion that the real Berenice is a temporal succession of different cities, alternately just and unjust. But what I wanted to warn you about is something else: all the future Berenices are already present in this instant, wrapped one within the other, confined, crammed, inextricable.

4i. a ghost does not come to stand in the dark doorway of your room because it is an 18th century orphan girl named annie. a ghost comes to stand in the doorway of your room because the doorway is where things come to stand. - i am in eskew, david ward

the formats all fucked up now huh. this has influenced my thoughts on both psychogeo and necromancy. what a fucking guy. theres also the pope lick bridge one but

5i. i hope you will forgive me for including a bit from tsiy

I opened my eyes. I was kneeling at the base of a tree, at the top of a grassy hill, under starry night. Dad was standing a little ways back, head craned back to look at the tree. "What is this place to you?" he asked, looking around. The island came to an abrupt stop at the edges; it wasn't a floating island in space or anything, there just.....wasn't anything beyond the edge of it. Like looking past the edge of your own eyesight -- not the blackness of eyelids, but the colorless place beyond.

"I'll die here someday," I said, and meant it.

i really need to work on getting places and haunted places into the new draft. im slacking. but im also not allowed to go back and change anything rn or ill just never get anywhere

[larryssunflower]

The Non-Royal Romance, season two, part one

last part of season 1    teaser trailer   masterlist

(really bad) summary: TRR AU where MC (Alana Rhys) is the now queen of Cordonia, and Liam was part of the suitors in line to marry her. Drake Walker is Alana’s personal bodyguard, and as the season goes on, their feelings for each other only get stronger. After an assassination attempt during the coronation ball, Alana’s mother announces without her consent that she will marry Liam, to both Drake and Alana’s dismay. This season is dedicated to Alana’s and Liams engagement tour, and what will happen as it goes on

pairing: Drake Walker x MC x Liam (kinda)

tagging-  @ravenpuff02 @simplyaiden-blog @msjr0119 @butindeed @mfackenthal @axwalker @choices-lurker @american-duchess @drakelover78 @monosodiumglutamateme @crookedslimecreatorpasta @mrsdrakewalkerblog @traeumerinwitzhelden @gardeningourmet @speedyoperarascalparty @agent-zephyrkah @liam-rhys-x-mc-x-constantine @snyggflicka @texaskitten30 @annekebbphotography @irishwhiskys-blog @nomadics-stuff @catlady0911 @twinkle-320 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @drakewalker04 @bigmemesplz @jovialyouthmusic @sleepwalkingelite @pintobomb @moneyfordiamonds​ @mskaneko​ @lauzales​ @princessleac1​ @kingliam2019​ 

----

*six months after the coronation ball*

These past few months have been difficult, I’m not going to lie. I’ve spent the majority of my time living in the Beaumont manor, recovering my shoulder and having well deserved space from my mother. Luckily the interactions I have had with Liam have been brief, I can’t bring myself to act like I’m in love with him because he thinks I actually chose him and I don’t have the balls to tell him he wasn’t my choice. No one knows that it was my mother’s decision and I’m in love with my former bodyguard. The perfect Queen huh?

I haven’t seen Drake since the incident. It was so perfect for that short span of time where he loved me back and we were finally together. But that changed... thanks to my mother. My memory is still hazy due to the pain medication and all I remember is the incident on tv, falling asleep at one point with Drake by my side, and waking up and he was gone. My mom said he just up and left. 

I don’t blame him if I’m being honest. Who would want to be with this train wreck? I sigh, running my hands through my dirty hair. I know it’s pathetic, but I haven’t really been taking care of myself recently. I started getting night terrors, every time I’m in that ballroom, my friends and family being slaughtered around me, time and time again and I can’t do anything to help them. Maxwell always wakes me up with a hug, holding me as I sob in his arms.

We still haven’t found who orchestrated the assassination attempt. It’s not easy when your country is relatively peaceful with very few enemies.

I trace my fingers over my scar on my shoulder. My doctor said it could take up to a year to function normally again. Thank god it’s not fatal, but the psychological toll hasn’t been easy. I can’t help this horrible feeling of guilt every time I think about the ball. They were there to kill me, and harmed my friends to get there. Who knows what else they will do to get to me or my friends the second time?

I let out a breath shakily, looking out the window. Theres no point thinking like that. That’s all I have been doing, stressing over things I can’t control. 

All I know is that the engagement tour is starting tonight, and I have to speak to people again. I have to spend time with Liam, try to pretend to be in love, try to pretend that I’m not falling apart. I have to do this without Drake by my side. A horrible feeling pangs in my stomach anytime I think about him. I lost the one person I have ever felt this way about and maybe its a good thing. It wasn’t fair to him, our whole relationship- if you could call it that. 

I eventually drag myself into a well-needed shower, letting the hot water melt away the tension in my back. I don’t have a choice anymore, all I can do is try to do my best tonight. That’s all I can do.

—-

I wake up, and immediately look to my left. Drake isn’t there. I frown, sitting up in my uncomfortable hospital bed, ignoring the pain in my shoulder and looking around. “Drake?” I ask, hoping he’s just in the other room. The door opens and my mom walks in, looking somber. A wave of anger flows over my body as I remember what she did. “Where is he.” I demand, my chest tight. She looks at me for a moment, not saying anything. “Where. is. he.” I demand harshly, making her sigh as I stare at her, my heart pounding.

“I didn’t want to tell you this way, but he’s gone.” My mother says much too simply, her everlasting sense of disapproval emulating from her gaze. Tears spring to my eyes as I digest what she said. “G-Gone?” I ask, swallowing thickly. My mother nods, walking over and sitting delicately on my bed. “Once you had fallen asleep, He left the room. I tried to ask him where he was going but he just said ‘I can’t do it anymore’ and walked away without a second glance.” She explains, making my heart break. Tears pool and spill onto my cheeks. I look down at my blurry hands which have began shaking.

“I’m so sorry honey,” My mother says, trying to hold my hand. I yank it away from her, fuming. “Don’t touch me.” I grit through my teeth, my conflicting feelings of anger, abandonment, loss, and love waging a war inside of me. “I can’t believe you! how could you do this to my life? Leave! please,” I beg, my voice shaking embarrassingly. My mother closes her mouth, pressing her lips together. “So be it.” She says, monotone. She gets up, and walks out the door.

I fall back against my pillow, tears pouring out of my eyes.

He’s gone.

—-

I brush my now soft, clean hair, and watch as it falls gently on my shoulders. My baby pink dress is form fitting, the straps thick enough to hide the scar on my shoulder. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Not sure if that’s really true, because I haven’t seen Drake in six months but... he is not out of my mind. It hurts more knowing that he probably doesn’t even care about me, especially since he walked out when it got rough and has probably moved on when all i do is think about him.

I watch my door open in the reflection of my mirror, my mother walking in. “You clean up well hon,” My mother says, her hopeful smile on that face. She has been trying really hard to make it up to me. “Thanks,” I say quietly, looking down at my clasped hands, my heavy, expensive ring on my left hand. The ornate gold ring pairs with a large crystal clear diamond, surrounded by smaller diamonds in a teardrop shape. Its beautiful, but feels foreign. Liam brought it to me in the hospital a couple weeks after Drake left. My mother was watching carefully as I smiled and accepted the ring, giving Liam a kiss in thanks. The next day, a picture of me in my hospital bed and Liam presenting his ring to me was all over the gossip news and magazines. My mother pretended to be outraged but I knew she set it up. She’s a smart diplomat, I’ll give her that. She always knows what she’s doing.

“Tonight’s the big night! Your first event as Queen!” My mother says enthusiastically, and I nod absentmindedly, fiddling with the ring. I haven’t worn it since the day in the hospital, and it’s just been sitting on my bedside table, collecting dust and eating away at my stomach. My mother sighs. “Why can’t you be happy? Will you ever forgive me?” She asks, and I look up at her in the mirror, my expression unchanged. “I’ve told you many times how you could earn my forgiveness and respect back.” I say, referencing a past conversation we had, keeping my voice flat and even. My mother purses her lips. “Well then. I’ll see you tonight at the party. Stay presentable,” My mother orders, before swiftly turning away, stalking out the door. I scoff, shaking my head.

—-

(Drake’s p.o.v)

I clench my jaw, punching the bag in front of me repeatedly. All my anger, regret, and frustration pouring out as I beat the punching bag, making it shake violently back and forth, it’s chain groaning.

I eventually stop, breathing heavily. I sigh, wiping the sheen of sweat off my forehead. All I can think about is her. As pathetic as that is. “You okay man?” the gym manager, Greg, asks. I nod, without looking up. “Yeah thanks, I’m fine,” I breathe, sitting down on the bench behind me, looking down as I unwrap my knuckles.

For a brief moment I’m back in that room, watching as she treats my fresh wounds, the light from the windows softly framing her beautiful face, whiskey flowing through my veins because that was the only way I could attempt to calm my nerves, being so close to her. I sigh, trying to push her from my mind.

She doesn’t want you anymore. 

“Hey uh, someone’s here to see you,” Greg says, his tone shifted. I look up in confusion and see Alana’s mother standing behind him, clearly uncomfortable in the dingy gym. I stand up quickly, suddenly feeing self conscious about my sweaty gym clothes.

Greg senses the tension and tentatively walks away, giving us a strange look. I guess it’s not every day that one of his patrons is visited by the recently former Queen. I look back at Regina, anger building back up within me. “How can I help you, Your Majesty?” I ask turning my head to the side, my nose flaring angrily. She blinks. “I deserve that,” she admits, looking down at the dingy floor. “I came here with a proposition for you,” She says, looking back up at me, making me furrow my brow in confusion.

—-

(Alana’s p.o.v)

“You got this Al, I know you do.” Maxwell reassures me, his eyes kind. I smile, “Thanks Max,” I say, taking a deep breath. “I know you’ve had a tough couple months, but you may as well try to have a good time tonight,” Maxwell says, and I nod. We start to walk out of my room and down the hall, Maxwell’s arm slung around my shoulders. “We can get drunk just like old times,” Maxwell laughs in my ear, making me laugh. “Oh those were the days,” I sigh contently, my good friend making me smile.

We laugh as we make our way to the main entryway, separating as we walk down the stairs. I look up at the sound of the front doors opening and stop in my tracks. In walks in my mother and...Drake?

A wall of emotion hits me so hard, I feel as though I could fall over. The man I love, the man I swear to at night, the man who broke my heart, standing just a few feet away from me, in a frustratingly handsome navy suit, avoiding my eye contact.

“I got your bodyguard back, now, let’s leave before we are late to your engagement party,” My mother says, a satisfied smile on her face. I snap back to reality, nodding wordlessly. I walk down the stairs, not being able to look Drake in the eyes. As I pass him through the doorway, I feel his hand on my lower back, guiding me through. Chills spread over my arms and I keep walking, my face burning in embarrassment. I feel like a spoiled child whose parent forced some child to be my friend. I can’t believe she remembered.

Five months ago my mother asked how she could earn my forgiveness, and I simply said ‘bring him back’.

I step into the back of our black SUV, Maxwell following behind me. My mother gets into her own car with her bodyguard, and Drake sits up front with the driver. I can feel Max’s gaze on mine, but I don’t look at him, my stomach fluttering unpleasantly. I’m not eager to see the expression of my good friend’s face. I’m torn between being overjoyed that the man I love is so close to me again, and angry because that same man broke my heart six months ago. How can he just sit there, no emotion, after what he did? How much is my mother paying him? I cringe, looking out the window, waiting until we arrive.

—-

Our cars pull up onto the gravel drive, the Amaranth Manor glittering in the warm night. Home to one of the Cordonia most notable noble family, their daughter being Madeline. I only met on her on a couple of occasions- she’s... not my taste. 

The cars roll to a stop just in front of the large doors, my nerves fluttering. I haven’t been in public like this in so long. My car door opens, and for the fist time in six months, I make direct eye contact with Drake. Just like that, all my reservations and cautiousness is out the window, replaced with the familiar feeling of overwhelming love and longing for Drake. A feeling I’ve tried to ignore for these past months that I just can’t hold it back anymore.

I get lost in those warm, brown, beautiful eyes, butterflies erupting in my stomach. I force myself to look away, gulping nervously. I take a deep breath, take his hand, and step down off the SUV. The manor is lit up with warm lights, music playing loudly through the french doors which are open wide for the warm summer air. I look over and see two men waiting for me one of whom is Liam, the other, I don’t recognize. Liam grins, walking over and enveloping me in an embrace. I smile, hugging him back. He kisses my cheek as he pulls away, his eyes twinkling in the moonlight. “So nice to see you again babe,” He says, and I grin. “Yes it is,” I smile. Liam turns, gesturing for the other man to walk over.

“This is my brother, Leo. He’s joining us on our tour,” Liam explains. “Ah, so nice to meet you!” I exclaim, holding out my hand. Leo takes it, placing a kiss on my knuckles. “It’s my pleasure Your Majesty,” Leo says in a smooth voice. I smile politely, and we head over to the entrance. I glance over my shoulder, spotting Maxwell throwing his arm over Liam, talking pleasantly with his friend, and Drake, following behind.

We enter the main ballroom, where many of the suitors form last season are, now with women of nobility. I feel slightly intimidated as we walk in, and they go nearly quiet. We are announced and the voices start up again, louder this time. Liam and I start getting bombarded by nobles, ready to congratulate us on our engagement. We maneuver through the party, my jeweled hand resting on Liam’s arm, in clear view. Drake trails behind us, but I try not to think or look at him, not sure how I will react. I get many compliments on my ring from noble women, many of whom will be my bridesmaids, even though I barely know any of them.

Hours into the party and a couple noble women stand out, like the extremely nice woman Hana Lee, the bubbly Penelope Ebrim, the cultured french woman Kiara Theron, and of course, Madeline. “Step-Cousin! So nice to see you,” Madeline says in a hard-to-tell but definitely fake smile. “Lovely to see you as well! Thank you for hosting,” I smile back. She studies me for a moment, before turning to Liam. “Liam. It’s been a while, you look well,” Madeline says, a slight blush forming on her cheeks. “You too Madeline,” Liam grins. She looks at him for a moment, before turning to me.

“Looking forward to the wedding? I bet it will be just lovely,” Madeline says, an edge to her voice. What is her problem? “Yeah definitely! Um- would you two excuse me for a moment? I think I just need some fresh air,” I say, and they both nod. “Are you okay?” Liam asks quietly, his hand on my forearm. I nod with a smile, gently releasing myself from his grip. “Yes! I’ll be right back,” I say cheerfully, kissing his cheek quickly, before turning and making my way through the ballroom and out one of the open doors, into the secluded garden. I walk for a bit in the quiet, until I’m far enough to be out of sight from the party, and sit down on a stone bench outside. I sigh, a feeling of relief washing over me, happy to finally be alone again.

I honestly forgot the stress of being a noble - and now I’m Queen. god, what have I gotten myself into?

I suddenly hear a branch break, and whip my head to see Drake, standing just a bit away from me. I sigh. “Why did you follow me?” I ask, feeling an overwhelming sense of exhaustion from the situation. He sighs. “I’m just trying to do my job.” Drake says, shifting uncomfortably. I nod slightly, looking down.

After a moment, Drake talks again, “I don’t know why you wanted me back as your bodyguard, you seemed like you were done with us.” He says quietly. I scoff, standing up indignantly, facing him. “Excuse me? I was the one who was done? Last time I checked, you were the one who walked out,” I say angrily, glad I walked far enough from the crowded party to have privacy.

Drake looks at me, clear confusion in his face. “You didn’t want me with you. Your mother made me leave when- when it happened. After you fell asleep she told me that you were done with us, that you couldn’t take it anymore. You forced me out of your life, I didn’t walk out.” Drake explains, his annoyingly calm voice just making me more confused.

“But my mom told me...” I stop, my heart pounding. I look up at Drake, who is staring back at me, his eyes wide. It starts to click. Why did I just trust what my mom said after what she did? His Adam’s apple bobs up and back down. “You didn’t want me to leave did you?” He asks quietly. I shake my head. “You didn’t give up on me?” I ask, gulping. He nears me. “No. never. You have no idea how much I fought. I was at the hospital every day, trying to find a way to see you, to change your mind. Eventually they threatened me with arrest. The next day, you were moved to another hospital. I kept trying, I didn’t stop, as much as I probably should have. You have no idea how many stupid gossip magazines I bought just to get any information about you, to see if you were okay,” Drake says with a chuckle, making me snort at the picture of Drake buying gossip magazines, my stomach fluttering with happiness. He didn’t give up on us.

We look at each other for a moment, just staring. “I missed you,” I say softly, my voice cracking. Something breaks within Drake and he pulls me towards him, embracing me tightly. I sigh, melting into his familiar arms, clinging onto his shoulders. He buries his face into my neck, making me sigh with content. Something I haven’t felt for months. I curl my fingers in his hair, pulling gently. After a moment, he pulls away from the embrace, his eyes scanning my face.

In a second, our lips are connected. It’s hesitant at first, still unsure, our mutual feelings of hurt still lingering between us. I let out a small moan, the feeling of his lips on mine intoxicating after months of feeling nothing. I clearly did something right, because Drake groans, pulling me closer than imagined, his hands roaming up and down my sides. All these months of to re-living our kisses in the middle of the night could not have prepared me for how I feel in this moment. My heart soaring, my nerves on fire, wanting- no begging- for more contact. 

Once my lungs are burning for air, we break apart, breathing heavily. “God, I missed you too,” Drake says, his voice an octave lower than usual, making my heart swoop into my stomach. God, how does he have such an impact on me? Just his deep voice makes me want to jump his bones. I gulp, looking up at him. “What now?” I ask, and he looks down. “Honestly? I’m not sure,” He says quietly.

I bring my hand up, caressing his cheek, making him look up at me. He blinks, looking deeply into my eyes. “All I know is that I can’t lose you again. I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with this engagement situation, but I will never give up on us.” I say with every fiber in my being, hoping he understands my sincerity. He nods, a strange look in his eyes. Before I can question him, my phone goes off. I look down to see a text from Liam, asking me where I am.

I sigh, a feeling of guilt creeping up on me. Just because I don’t want to be with Liam doesn’t mean I want to hurt him. “What is it?” Drake asks, and I sigh. “I have to get back in there, as much as I wish I could stay out here with you,” I say, longing to stay forever with Drake, never having to leave his side again. His face falls slightly, before he smiles. “Hey, at least we figured this out. It was hard thinking that you didn’t want me for six months,” Drake says, making me smile. “Yeah, I’m glad we figured this out,” I say, and He looks at me for a moment, before swooping in, giving me a sweet kiss. I happily kiss back, before we both pull away.

“Time to go back in I guess,” I say, and He nods. We walk through the garden, back into the crowded party, my stomach still fluttering with butterflies after that kiss. Drake stays a good distance behind me, which is probably smart because if I could, I would never stop trying to touch or kiss him, which would be a bit concerning for the nobles, as they are at the engagement party for me and a different man. Leo, Liam’s brother pulls me aside gently. “Oh hi Leo,” I say, and he looks at me for a moment. “Did you enjoy your breath of fresh air?” He asks, making my stomach drop. He didn’t see did he? “Yeah, sometimes parties like this are suffocating and I just need a break,” I say, keeping my voice level.

Leo studies me for a mother moment, a sly smirk creeping onto his face. “hmm, I like you,” He says in a thoughtful way as I smile back, my heart pounding. Did he see me and Drake? “Thank you, I’m glad my future brother in law approves,” I say with a slightly nervous chuckle. I can’t figure Leo out, is he threatening me?

 “Hey what’s up babe?” Liam asks, coming over to us, sliding a hand around my waist. I glance over to see Drake staring daggers at Liam’s hand. Funny how things never change. It makes me blush knowing Drake is protective over me. “Oh, nothing, just talking to your lovely brother,” I smile, clearly making Liam happy. “I’m glad! You two are very important to me,” He says, and we start a perfectly pleasant conversation.

The night moves on, we dance for a while, eat some appetizers, drink some champagne and before I know it, the party is over. I say goodbye to Liam, making my way to my assigned room away from him, which may have been orchestrated by my step-cousin, little does she know that’s my ideal scenario. Honestly she can try to steal Liam away, I’m not going to stop her.

Drake and I stop outside my door. “I guess I should try to get some sleep,” I say, and he nods. My tongue darts out to wet my lips nervously. “Do you want to come in?” I ask, my stomach bubbling with nerves. Drake looks down at me, a heat in his eyes. “I really shouldn’t Alana,” He says, and I nod. I bite my lip, thinking about how out-of-hand we could get. Probably not the best idea. “Okay then, goodnight,” I say, giving him a quick hug. He hugs back, kissing my cheek lightly, making my face heat up. He makes me feel like a schoolgirl, blushing over my crush kissing my cheek. So stupid. “Goodnight Your Highness,” he whispers, making me take in a sharp breath. He is really making this hard for me.

He releases me from the hug, leaning back, a satisfied grin on his face. I huff. “G-Goodnight,” I say, turning and going into my room, the stupid blush never leaving my face.

I change out of my dress and into pajamas and flop onto my bed, thinking about earlier. I‘m so frustrated that I actually believed my manipulative mother for so long. I feel like I betrayed him by believing her, but he believed her too I guess. I stare at the pale blue ceiling above me, thinking about the kiss. God, the way he pulled me closer. He has to know what he does to me. It’s honestly unfair at this point.

I naw at my bottom lip, butterflies fluttering inside me. I glance over to the door and see the edge of his shadow outside my door. My heart warms at the thought of being so close to him again. Before long, I drift off to sleep.

—-

I glance around, watching as everyone dances. The warm lights glow pleasantly, the music muffled, but nice. I smile as I see Max and Allie together, laughing. A feeling of warmth radiates through my body. I glance over and see Drake, smiling over at me. A strange feeling of familiarity falls over me slowly. Wait... This is the coronation ball, oh no.Suddenly, the warm lights go out. The ball is dark and suddenly a horrible cold feeling washes over me. I know what’s coming. No! I have to warn them! I try to scream, try to warn everyone to get down, but nothing will come out. I look down and see myself chained to a post, and feel the duck tape on my mouth.

The lights turn on again, and the assassins don’t hesitate opening fire on everyone. I scream as their bodies fall over, fighting with everything in me to be free, to help them. One near me turns, and aims and Drake. “No!” I try to say, nothing coming out. Drake just looks over at me in fear and then the assassin shoots him, making him collapse. I scream, thrashing against the binds, and suddenly, I’m in my room, and Drake is by my side, holding onto my shoulders, clearly concerned. I let out the largest sigh of relief, throwing my arms around him tightly. Tears fall out of my eyes and my shoulders shake as I sob in his arms. He holds me tightly, His body warmth calming me down. He just keeps whispering softly “it’s okay, you’ll be alright,” as I cry. 

As soon as I start to calm down, I let go of my death grip on him, leaning back. “Are you alright?” He asks, deeply concerned. I sigh, calming my nerves. “Y-yes, I am now. Sorry since the ball I’ve had these horrible dreams...” I trail off, stopping before I cry again. He reaches out, brushing my hair from my face. “It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize to me, I know nightmares better than anyone,” He says, and I nod, remembering that night when I found him in his bed, screaming in his sleep. “I had no idea you had them now,” He says sadly, looking into my eyes. “Yeah, um- if I’m being honest, I’ve been a hot mess since the ball and then my ‘surprise engagement’,” I say bitterly, fumbling with my hands in my lap. 

Drake rests his hand on mine, making me stop, looking up at him. “That makes two of us,” He says gently. My heart breaks thinking about Drake being just as heart-broken as me. “At least we’re in this together, right?” I say, and he nods, a small smile on his face. “Always.”

He stays by my side until I fall asleep.

--------------

-end-

I’m back! I know there’s a lot of crazy thing going on in the world right now which is horrible, but hopefully it will bring change with it! How did you guys like the first part? I love to hear your feedback ;) Thank you all for your support over the years now (crazy!) for this fic! It’s honesty hard for me to read earlier chapters, I feel like I’ve changed so much since the beginning haha. Anyway, I know this wasn’t the best part, but there are so many more exciting things I have planned! Again, thank you all for your support, if it wasn’t for all your kind words I would not have gotten so far! Love you all! 

-Ella xx

[pit-and-the-pen]

100 Follower Event!!

i’ve seen people doing this for follower events so here's mine for 100! Also holy crap guys, I can’t believe I have 100 of you following me and reading my writing. I never thought I would get this many and even though I don’t know most of you, just know that I love you and you are all so amazing! Also a huge thank you to both @thoseofgreatambition and @summer-writes who have both given me so many shoutouts and Summer-writes for doing the follower event that got me 20 followers in like 3 days! Obviously theres so many more that are constantly supporting me but those were the ones that gave me giant boosts and I felt like I needed to thank :)

Here's how it works 

❤️You don’t have to be following me to participate but hey it's fun here (and it's free and greatly appreciated if you do🥺)

❤️Pretty please reblog if you participate

❤️Tag me in completed prompts if you do choose to write one so I can make sure it gets all the love it deserves.

❤️Two fics for each prompt. two promts max for each fic. 

❤️Tell me if you want it as a request for me to write or if you want to write it

❤️Send me an ask with your username (so i can add you to the list), who you are writing for/who you want me to write for, the prompt number 

❤️Any fandom is cool if you’re writing it, and if you want me to write for something other than HP I make no promises but please feel free to ask, I’ll try my best to write about it if I know it. 

❤️OC’s are also allowed! 

❤️Smut is a-okay, just make sure you tag appropriately since I do have some under 18’s following me. (NO UNDERAGE CHARACTERS, INC*ST, or DUB/NON-CON)

❤️HAVE FUN! This is as much for you guys as it is for me!

💙I will cross out prompts once two have been requested so you know which ones are still available. So keep an eye out for the updated versions. (I’ll add a link in my bio and masterlist)

💙I also will keep the pronouns in the request as she/he/they so that way I can get as many people included as possible. It will still count as the same request no matter the reader's gender identity. 

ANGST PROMPTS (my personal favorite category)

1)“She’s/He’s/They're not yours.”

2)“It wasn’t meant to go this far”

3)“Please, not now.”

4)“There's no us, there never was.”

5)“You were ready to leave me for her/him/them?”

6)“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

7)“If lies keep spewing from your lips, I will walk right out that door.” 

8)“Sort yourself out first” 

9)“You deserve so much better”

10)“But you’re married?” 

11)“My mom asked about you again…” (can be concept or dialogue) (2/2)

( @thoseofgreatambition Fred Weasley) 

( @shaynawrites23 Bucky Barnes x Reader)

12)“Shut up”

13)“Are you ever going to listen?” 

14)“I wish I could undo how I feel about you.”

15)“Trust me, if I could take it back I would.” 

16)“I don’t know you anymore.”

17)“Leave. Leave and never come back.” (1/2)

( @wand3ringr0s3 George Weasley) 

18)“You never meant that much to me.”

19)“Please..Just stay.” 

20)“If you’re so damn miserable, then leave.” (1/2)

( @summer-writes Draco x Reader)

21)“I’m sorry but I don’t remember you..”

FLUFF PROMPTS

22)“I love your hugs.”

23)“Can we stay like this forever.” 

24)“Of course I love you, you idiot.” 

25)“You’re in love with her/him/them!” 

26)“I want to marry you.” (1/2)

( @shaynawrites23 Bucky Barnes x Reader) 

27)“Is..Is that my shirt?” (1/2)

( @iliveiloveiwrite Pancakes ) 

28)“Just stay a little longer?”

29)“We’re in this together now.”

30)“If they hurt you, they hurt me.” 

31)“I was practicing all day what to say to you”

@mxl-foy

32)“Do you have to be that painfully beautiful.” (1/2)

( @harrysweasleys Fred Weasley x Reader) 

33)“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

34)“You deserve to be happy.” (1/2)

( @thoseofgreatambition Fred Weasley) 

35)“Well. If you saw yourself how I saw you, could you blame me?” (1/2)

( @harrysweasleys Fred Weasley x Reader) 

36)“Hey. Don’t hide from me, please.” 

37)“You're so cuddly today. I love it.”

38)“I’d be happy here with you.”

39)“Of course I would. That’s what you do for people you love.” 

40)“I don’t care what everyone else thinks, to me, you’re perfect.”

JUST BREAK MY HEART PLEASE

41)“And you think that didn’t hurt me too?” (1/2)

( @wand3ringr0s3 George Weasley) 

42)“Do you only think about yourself?”

43)“You made me do this!”

44)“Everyone hates me now and it’s your fault.”

45)“I just want this to end.”

46)“Anything else you want to get off your chest?”

47)“Guess I loved you more after all.”

48)“I have nothing left to say to you.”

49)“I can’t just pretend that didn’t happen.”

50)“I don’t think I can forgive you. No matter how hard you beg.” 

51)“No. Not again. I can’t handle this.”

52)“And..? Is that supposed to change my mind?”

53)“Save your speech for someone who cares.”

54)“Next time you decimate someone, make sure to invite a reporter.”

55)“The person in our living room can hold you together until you come up with a way to shatter more dramatically.”

56)“Is this just a game to you?”

57)“Stop laughing. For once in your life, take this seriously.” 

58)“You broke me and all you can think to say is ‘i’m sorry?!” 

59)“This was all an act. (?)” 

60)“Stop making this a habit.”

Teasing:

61)“I think I’ll make you beg for it.” 

62)“Look at me.”

63)“God I love it when you say my name like that.”

64)“Do you understand how beautiful you look?” (1/2)

( @obsessedwithrandomthings Sausage rolls) 

65)“I have a better use for that mouth.” (1/2)

( @obsessedwithrandomthings George Weasley) 

66)“I’ve wanted you since I knew what that phrase meant.” 

67)“Just come here.”

68)“I could make you scream.”

69)“Just for me right?”

70)“Behave.”

71)“God you’re such a brat.” “And you love it” 

72)“Don’t hide from me. I want to see you.” 

73)“Well good morning to you too” 

74)“Just relax.”

75)“Bite me.” “With pleasure.”

76)“Like what you see?”

77)“Don’t give me that look.”

78)“Didn’t know you could do that.”

79)“Keep it up and see what happens.”

80)“Make me.”

Smut: (Some of these are...a lot...I’m sorry in advance.)

81)“Just try to stay quiet.”

82)“I didn’t know you were so sensitive.” 

83)“I'm pregnant, not made of glass.” 

84)“Just wait until we’re alone.”

85)“Were you just touching yourself?”

86)“Damn, you made a mess.”

87)“I can’t wait to taste you.”

88)“I want those pretty lips wrapped around my cock.”

89)“That dress would look better on my floor.”

90)“I’m still sore from last night.”

91)“I’ll be gentle, I promise.” “who said I want that?” 

92)“Look what you did to me. I’ve had to deal with this all day.”

93)“Are you just going to eye fuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?”

94)“I just want you to be happy. And naked.”

95)“You make such pretty noises.”

96)“Not until you properly beg for it.”

97)“Do you think you’ve been good enough for that?”

98)“You look so beautiful tied up like that.”

99)“No. I’m supposed to be making you feel good.”

100)“We’re going to be late because you can’t keep it in your pants.”

[burnedbyshoto]

Yes, sir - Background

so this is an informational post about my...multichapter fic! i’m starting this story in a few days and this is the background information about the story. it’s going to be a multichapter (im thinking 10 parts) of todoroki shouto x reader with a side of momojirou, because they’re gay, karen.

anywho, this is just what I need you guys to know about it before the story just as world building!!! let me know what you guys think in comments or in my inbox please :) i’m also tagging this as momojirou, but only this teaser because its not as focused in the storyline but just in case theres any momojirou fans who also love self insert todoroki fics.

Yes, sir maid!au an inside look of the most elite and powerful family of japan:

— you’re a struggling individual living paycheck to paycheck. you had wanted to do something with the arts, but realized that cleaning and organizing are things that make you happy so you drop out of college while nearly being done two years earlier than you should have been.

— the world is not a forgiving place to people who aren’t actively pursuing an actual white collar job, so your family shunned you. it’s okay because you lived with roommates anyways.

— you had tried the entire “maid cafe” in tokyo and absolutely hated it. it was humiliating and full of weird kinky and horny boys from japan and other foreign countries. they always waited until you were off your shift to approach you! it was your fault though. you had no idea what it was exactly, your dumb friend and roommate mina had convinced you that it was a cleaning company. you were dumb and believed her.

— so you had taken a grueling task of being a janitor for a local company. it still wasn’t exactly what you wanted. they had very specific things you were allowed to do, and it was only cleaning. no organizing. at this point you were ready to become a secretary. as a secretary you’d be able to clean up a bit and mostly organize.

— going back to the job center, you sit down with the man who had been helping you out with finding jobs, kirishima. he looks up anything suitable to your needs. (you’ve been here so many times he doesn’t even ask)

— it must be some miracle because there’s a maid request at some rich mansion over in the Aichi prefecture. meaning a 30 minute commute to work. the paycheck is HUGE and they’re desperate. it seems that no one lasts around for longer than three days.

— “do you want the job, y/l/n?”

— “IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?! OH MY GOD YES, KIRISHIMA!”

— you send in your resume to this family, and within ten minutes of kirishima telling you how to follow up, you get an email. they’ve selected to hire you.

— “well good luck, it’s the todoroki family!” kirishima laughs as he reads the profile for the job selection and you feel yourself go breathless.

— the TODOROKI’s??? you feel your breathing increase as you stare at the grinning man in front of you 

– Todoroki Shouto and Yaoyorozu-Todoroki Momo were richer than rich. they were both from families of old wealth and new wealth. the nation cried and watched them get married three years ago when they turned 22.

— they are the royalty of japan aside from the royal family themselves. you were only 20 at the time of this event, but damn, even you had teared up slightly as the worlds hottest man married the tall gorgeous woman next to him.

— they’re heroes as well, well not literally.

— momo is a philanthropist, scientist, and the occasional model and designer. she’s a creator, an artist.

— shouto is the CEO of the Todoroki Company, a company that did literally everything. they’ve been in business since the beginning of time, and they have never had a single true competitor since the Yaoyorozu family! but it seems that the heirs of both companies fell in love, forming the ultimate company. but in terms of his heroic deeds he volunteers a lot at hospitals, a focus to burn and frostbite victims and pays off medical bills. a philanthropist. has modeled.

— you nearly collapse as you read through their profiles again as you head back home.

— mina greets you at the door, your three other roommates chilling in the living room.

— ashido mina is a chemist, but despite being financially secure now, loves to live with the everyone and won’t leave no matter how much she could leave your little 6 room, 2 bath apartment.

— uraraka ochako is a construction worker. she works for her family and she’s their mascot, so they’ve had a booming business! she’s independent from them, but definitely can’t afford her own place! when mina suggested they room together she said yes.

— hagakure toru is an instamodel. her income comes in from promotions. she has the weird genetic thing that makes her super super pale. she’s not albino, but she just as well might be. she’s super cute and always down to help people with their instas. she’s the reason why your guys feeds are cute.

— asumi tsuyu is a herpetologist with a focus on frogs. she’s super smart, the mom friend of the group. she was bullied when growing up so she loves this group of you girls, main reason why, like mina, she hasn’t moved out on her own.

— the five of you girls are basically sisters and they supported your decision to go and do this job. of course mina and toru were jealous it was for the todoroki’s but they were all there to help you get ready for the first day.

— makeup done, hair did, best work clothes on, you’re now own your way to work

— so there you stand in front of the mansion, your jaw dropped at the sheer size of it. your arm reaches out to press the doorbell/intercom?

— “Todoroki Residence, how may I help you?”

— “Hi, I’m Y/l/n Y/n! I was just hired for the maid position?” you squeak, suddenly feeling powerless at the thought of just what was really happening. there’s a long period of silence that further eats at your nerves.

— the gates open and you suddenly feel your heartbeat in your throat as you make the first few steps forward, unknowingly entering the chaotic and secretive livelihood of this famous and rich family.

[highkingfen]

Hey, just wanted to say you’re a good and gentle person that I admire a lot. I decided to not watch season 5 for personal reasons and I did rant about it a lot in a way that I kinda regret now when I understand that, for some people, it’s their main source of joy. You’re a brave and kind person who deserves to have some fun in her life and I’m sorry for, in a way, raining on your parade (not you in particular but you’re one of the most active TM fan and you’ve been through a lot recently)

Hey nonnie!

Thank you for sending this message and I will put it public and on the main tag so anyone can see it and see your apology. I accept them and I am proud of you for coming up and saying this because apologizing is one of the hardest things to do our days. Knows that I have no hard feeling towards you and if you want to talk to me off anon Id be glad to tell you IRL how I forgive you

After season 4 the tag has been a mess, its true. And I will never deny people who are angry and refuse to see the show or boycott it. I understand it hurts people and some found it unforgivable. I get that. 

What hurts the most its when attack becomes personal and-or towards fans. If you decide not to watch a thing it's ok but attacking others who do not think like you is not ok. I had to block people I liked and-or adore their work because things got personal toward me specifically.  

We are talking about a tv show here, not about true life-and-death policy (such as encouraging a nazi party, being pro-caging-the-immigrant ect..) 

YES the show feels real. YES they are more than character, Heck I am the first to admit I identify with Fen to a degree that is a bit unhealthy (though I am aware and try to remind myself that she is not real).  I mean heck Brittanny DM on twitter to be sure I was ok after last episode cause I have a heavy trigger about cheating. 

But their meaning to you does not mean it has for the rest of the community. So if you were hurt by what happened to Q or how the writer handled it, it is up to you to decide what you want to do with it. But saying to others they should not is removing them the power of having a different opinion or to take the show as entertainment. 

Here how I watch the show: I am FULLY aware of what they did in s04 and I am saying their treatment of Qw as not ok. Yet I continue to watch. My husband told me I can watch a show that is a problematic fave. And I kinda felt better after he made me realize I can be aware of the show's flaws and still enjoying it

Now I am not saying you are not allowed to rant and say you dont like the show. But I truly believe there is a way for us who watch the show and those whe need to vent to co-exist together. And for that please tag your things!  I tag all my season 5 things with ‘’season 5′’ or ‘’info:season 5′’ and I simply ask people to tag their negative rant with their own thing (I saw magicians negativity, magicians salt, tm rant etc.) that way you can block anything season 5 and I can block things that I dont have the emotional energy to engage every time I go on the tag. 

I do read some of the criticism. When I can. When I mentally can. And I hope you and others understand why I am a big fan of tags. Those who refused I simply block them because they basically say ‘’I do not respect your mental health but you have to respect mine’’ which is total hypocrisy 

Just...dont attack other people on internet. You put your hurt into anger and anger into hate (Yoda said it better I know, I know) and all this energy should be put into better use to make sure the writer and producer learn to know better instead of being the police of who-watch-what. 

Now about the joy part. There is a podcast I adore and is part of the reason I started to write the DND book two years ago (omg already). Its call The adventure zone. And one of the character said this sentence that kinda changed my life 

What brings me joy is… life. I think you can find joy anywhere in life, I think it’s a conscious choice. I think you choose joy in life. And no matter how bad things are, no matter how crummy, no matter how dark, no matter how many times some guy named John kills your ass- you find joy. I’ve found joy, honest to God, getting to know you.  I’ve found joy playing chess with you. I have enjoyed-I haven’t enjoyed you know, getting my ass killed, but I find joy in whatever I do. I don’t always do things right, and I don’t always do things smart, and I don’t always do a character voice,  but whatever I do, I find joy in it. Because at the end of the day, that’s all you got. It’s looking back on the joy you had, and the joy you found, and the joy you gave other people.

I do not deny that some people might not find joy into The Magicians anymore. But I do. Despite its flaws. Knowing its flaws. I do not watch it blindly thinking its the best representation we have nor days (not anymore). But I still love it and having a ‘’Magicians Day!’’ every Wednesday brings me joy. Making edits of the show bring show joy. Screaming about plot twist brings me joy. 

So I choose joy by still loving the magicians

and I hope, dear anon, you do to. In anything, you decide to love in your life.

PS: Listen to the adventure zone its fucking good and theres good LGBT character in it:P

[lcnguor]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — Since she is an OC with her own lore I would say pretty much . Of course there are some heres and theres and she changed a lot from the first time I dragged her out of the void of my head . I originally wanted to make more of a gag character but ended up taking too much of the screen if I’m honest . but of course , since there is many other lores and crossovers are a must , some things change once or twice .

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Nora is a mentor character , supportive and most likely to be the ace under the sleeve like a Kisuke Urahara from Bleach or Sinbad from Magi --- you know there’s something fishy but there is a charm that even thought they are slidding in the background for the main character , their relevance is vast . As a mentor characters , she would often help with insight , understanding of complex things , giving moral lessons and giving others a sense of security whilst also making sure to throw hints about a doubious nature . Keeping a character around her to keep their feet on ground while never shooting down their hopes and dreams .

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  She is not approachable unless you have enough guts to -- perhaps even looks intimidating or hard to come up with something plausible to make the meeting more natural . And honestly , she looks like a mainstream angst character at first glance --- even I myself believe this and start having second thoughts ... :laughs:  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  An old project I had archived in my closet of memories (?). She was the main , nameless character of a journal about , well , her and the emotions she had to deal with in the everyday . I will be seriously honest ... it was a self insert :blushes: after all it was like a personal journal I was doing on my darkest days . But after that , she became Sable -- the first character on her own -- who also served as a mentor ( but the story was much more dark , seriously ) and then just came to this . I even used the pre-prototype name lol . The idea was to put the whole story into a RPG pixel game or a short comic series where she ( Sable ) and the protagonist would wander around a city called “Nobody’s Home” , a place were people with “thats” ( what now are called Stalkers ) got dragged into and either confront their emotions and solve / comes in terms with them or get eaten by them ( a metaphor for suicide or dead by mental illness ) . The story was more or less about Sable teaching Nona ( the genderless protagonist ) about different mental states , issues and others and helping people solve them so they can return to the real world . Needless to say , the story ends with Nona returning after coming in terms with their condition ( funnily enough , the protagonist had a bunny shaped emotion ) while on the other hand Sable stayed behind along with her closest friend , who she question why he keeps being around if he could return himself , to what he replies he doesn’t want to leave her alone esp since she can no longer return --- hinting Sable committed suicide but by sheer will power remained there to help others to deal with what she couldn’t . Voez , the friend I mention , is even Victor from her current lore . Haha , I like recycling I guess . When I came with Nora , it was mostly to kill time and altered her base story a bit since the original plot was way to close up to make an interaction .

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  How well received she became , I know it sounds a bit ... uh , bad . But I honestly never expected people to like her . heck I even have my doubts about myself liking her haha . plus I know it’s not easy to deal with a character with a somewhat meta power ... I still struggle from time to time but I’m managing and having the support I have atm is something that keeps me going . I love plot a shit lot . I love to come up with ideas with others . To expand what I already have . besides , there is so much I haven’t write down yet that is about her lore but I’m a bit insecure yet . I guess I’m too used to forums where everyon follows a general plot haha ... old habits die hard .

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / 50-50

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO, I HATE DRABBLES.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES/ NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / .... UHHHH

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES VERY MUCH A LOT / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  I haven’t got any so far --- which honestly surprises me because well ... there is so much that can bother people . as I said , I received a lot of support and praise , which also surprises me haha ... I won’t deny I would love to hear what people think , even if I later end up riding the anxiety train to the moon but it’s also a way to grow up , I believe . god ... I sound like nora Uu

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I absolute love this and need this . It comes easier for me to make a 20 word pages of information about stuff if I’m asking specifically about it . even add explanatory drawings with it lolol since I’m kinda bad with words . besides , showing me interest on a character would just fire the heck out of me to keep going . I mean , everyone likes to get some curiosity and a chance to develop more their characters , canon or not .

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  I would for sure . I’m not smart and I actually do a shit ton of research --- but even so I can miss a lot of shit people would say <nah that’s not how it works> and that would be helpful as heckie . but of course , needing the why also would tell me if the person disagreeing is doing it with a solid ground or just because they are being a piece of crap . I’m really tired of tumblr mentality and shitty people who aren’t mature enough to act decently .

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  you cannot like everyone or have everyone like you either . I don’t really care much ... esp since nora is an original character . if it constructive critisism , okay -- I will take it , but gimme a solid reason other than “ your character is / is not ... “ and then give a crappy critique because she doesn’t fit your agenda or standards .

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  you are fucking free to unfollow me and ignore me for the rest of your life . I really don’t get the point of hating on the internet just because and keep promoting your hate just to be a pain in the ass .

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  I fucking wrote in my rules that people are even fricking free to fix my grammar and english because holy heck , even to this day I still do some ugly shit . I’m dumb , help ...

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, kinda . I take everything with water . whenever it’s of ideology , people as it is , characters ... I am quite tolerant and try to keep the “okay this person thinks this way , fine .” but as long as nobody crosses the line where they try to spoil it for me or others , I get super bitter . I love OOC , getting to know the one behind the character makes me feel more secure about coming to them and just rambling about plots and hcs and whatever idea got in my mind . but if I see someone and , forgive me god for misjudging , see them as a person that will put me on my nerves -- I won’t even try . as for the friends I have and those who don’t know me as much ... I am obnoxiously sporadic and have a lot of ups and downs very often . one day I could be talking 100 words per second others I will just take a fucking week to respond . honestly , I had mined my social skills for two years plus several other irl stuff previous to that , so I’m always a bit too anxious around people , esp people I REALLY like . I’m insecure as heck , if someone is vague ( just because , idk , it was a lazy day for them ) I think at least 10 different reason why probably that person hates me now . I’m a bit dumb 26 year old baby .......... but I’m very aware that is completely on me . I’m a mess.......  so , what was the question again ??? ... I , yeah ... it’s a kinda . but I try , at least haha.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by:  @skyvar​ herself Tagging: y’all , cowgirls and cowbois . i hate tagging bc i forget urls :finger guns:

[godlessarrow]

ooc. YOU TOLD ME TO DO IT. YOU TOLD ME TO. DIMITRI AAAAA

Dimitri-  (Also warning to everyone: Spoilers!!! SUPER BIG SPOILERS!!! ) I have to preface, as with every single character in three houses- I have a lot of feelings about them. Each character is written so damn well and with the whole support systems the game gives- you see so many different lights of each character. Suffice to say, Dimitri has a lot of lights you get to see- both good and bad.

On the surface- One would see Dimitri as this very kind and gentle man, an hopeful heir to the kingdom of Faerghus - he’s the picturesque image of a prince you’d see in a stereotypical fairy tale. He will be king again. He will bring glory back to his country. Dimitri thinks kindly of his peers, and is always willing to do what he can to assist them. He has quite the big valiant heart and is perhaps far too soft to be a proper king.Under his skin however, he’s a poor soul whose lost a lot- and has this dark desire to seek vengeance. For his father, for his mother, and homeland. The tragedy of Duscur left the young man with horrible PTSD. Which the levels of his trauma is very severe to the point where he could hardly taste things any more. Sleep fails him. Dimitri always feels like he has to try harder.And yet, till the very moment he finds out who is the flame emperor is- Dimitri remains ever so kind.Until he breaks.As he grows older- he loses more of his senses, ( namely an eye ) his sanity, voice of reason. Having Dedue missing he’s just at a loss completely. Dimitri is constantly haunted by everything that makes him him- and lets that define him. He has survivors guilt. And he will not rest till he meets the girl of whom he once gifted a dagger to as a child- and strike her down, till her head falls tumbling on the floor. ( god your so morbid here ) The whole connection he has with Edelgard is honestly tragic in my eyes. For she was someone he loved deeply, as in the purest form a child can only love- only to have the ill intent of ruining her. That is, until light returns back into his eye(s.)His redemption arc- Dimitri is more apologetic, and goes back to the skin deep persona he had before. As it was also him, but accepts that he is also too, a monster. He knows he’s flawed, he know’s he’s done wrong. And he’s going to do all what he can to atone. Dimitri even dare tries to reason with Edelgard, -( something I hardly see in games/shows lmao ) to make peace in Fodlan. Of course, it remains fruitless but the fact he had the intent to do better. Shows the maturity he has gained. As he finally defeats her, Dimitri truly wants to see that same girl move forward. As I’ve mentioned, he’s a super softie deep down and his feelings for Edelgard has so much compassion that even after they are at the very end of this war- despite everything, he wants to help her be free. (And that’s what made me do black eagles second- because like?? I wanted to know her pov, what made her decline and fight till the bitter end.) And even after Dimitri strikes her down, he looks back- to his past. Knowing that theres so much blood stained on his fingers and I’M SO SAPPY THAT BYLETH TAKES THEIR HAND TO NOT LET HIM LOOK AT THE GHOST HE’S CREATED.Ahem, as you can say- I have a lot of thoughts. Now for an rp sample…

_____________________________________________________The sun shines once again- his lids open softly, embracing the warmth in the room. It’s awfully comforting, much like the soothing scent of chamomile tea. It always had felt like forever, to feel the calm again. Even if it was so close.The crowned prince had often followed a strict routine in his day to day life. He worked, studied, ate, and most importantly trained for the future to come. Dimitri believed that as long as he had put the effort in all things, and gave it his all- that perhaps he’ll be even a fraction of a king his father was. And then, he came.Felix Hugo Fraldarius.A person Dimitri regarded as a dear friend, despite the protests. Despite the harsh words the swordsman would spew out. They weren’t wrong, he was indeed the boar they’ve spoke. Yet, nobody believed him- so it seems. And so it seems. Dimitri still had the desires to make amends with Felix. They too, lost so much- A gallant knight such as his brother was an awful hit for the kingdom. But most importantly, awful for everyone around them. And for Felix himself.Do you still cry in pain?The two hardly exchanged words as they start their fight- clashing irons upon steel- Blue eyes wished so deeply to pierce their stone defenses. As beads of sweat tickled off his brow.Would you forgive me?Already the two were making such a scene as they took over the stage, the only form they knew how to communicate. Dimitri missed those days where everyone would tag along and fight with sticks in the woods playing make believe. He missed the times where little Felix was warmer than anybody he knew. Will you stand by my side?There was so many words Dimitri wanted to share with his old friend. Unspoken apologies and promises he wished to keep. He wanted Felix to smile again, he wanted them to breathe, to live, to move forward– Heh. The blonde laughs when the sword strikes his chest. Bested once more, by sentimentality. He smiles for the young man, and laughs ever so softly. “You got me there, Felix. Good job.��

[shadowofadalekmightdeactivate]

Still Human Chapter 4

Word count: 1366 Tag List: @tinkslittlebelle

Virgil’s eyes hurt. He groaned, forcing them open and blinking away the bleariness. How long he’d been asleep, he didn’t know. He barely remembered what happened- Oh. Yeah. Party tonight. And bad memories. And Roman.

Virgil rubbed his eyes, groaning again. Fucking Roman, having to witness his composure fall apart and betray him. He probably felt bad for him now. If there was a list of things Virgil hated, the topper was pity. Virgil smirked at the list idea. Maybe it’d be a good idea to make one. You know, just for fun. He reached over the side of the bed, his heart almost stopping when he was met with air. His bag-where was his bag?! Did…Roman take it? Virgil fell against the bed again, putting his arms over his eyes. Of course. This is how he’s rewarded for showing weakness. Roman steals his fucking bag. He pushed himself off the bed, flinching when his foot hit something. Peeking out from under his bed was a familiar black band. Oh no, he just stuffed it under the bed! Virgil felt a little lighter, knowing Roman didn’t betray his trust. The light feeling lasted until the spotted the pillow he was sleeping on and the one he was snuggling. Smeared with eyeshadow. Oh, great. Virgil’s face must be a mess, then. He grabbed his phone and flipped the camera to the front. Ugly smudged black lines ran down from his eyes, taking some foundation with it. Virgil growled and swiped at his face angrily, smearing more makeup all over his sleeve. So far he’s made an enemy, had his personal bubble disturbed and broken down in front of a stranger-all in one day! Great start, Virgil. He took off the rest of his makeup and checked the time. He’d already missed his English class and most of Science, so there was no point in going out again. A text caught his eye when he closed his phone’s camera. An unknown number, the text simply saying “I’m hoping this is Virgil. Roman tells me you skipped English for a personal reason. Please meet me at *address* at 6:30.” His English teacher used proper grammar in texts? Virgil shook his head with a chuckle. What a geek. It was 4:45 at the moment (Jesus, he’d been asleep for 3 hours!), so he had a little while until he had to see his English teacher. Virgil locked his dorm room door, put on his headphones, and blared music as he returned to drawing. He found himself smiling as he was finally left alone to doodle in peace. Thank god for door locks and loud music.

 Virgil had to will himself up the stairs of the light blue house where his English teacher apparently lived. He started having second thoughts as soon as the taxi he’d taken had pulled up, but if they were given work, he needed to stay caught up… He rang the doorbell, jolting when a bird squawked in response to it and a dog started barking. Jeez, it sounds like he set off world war 3 in there… “That’s enough, Watson, thank you,” a voice spoke over the dog. The door opened and Virgil was almost knocked over by a thin, pure white dog as it blew out the door. Virgil watched after the dog before turning to the man who answered the door. He instantly felt a little intimidated. The man was taller than him (though, admittedly, that’s not a hard feat) and was giving him a suspicious glare. Virgil gulped and forced his voice past his squeezing throat. “I’m…Virgil…” The glare went away instantly. His English professor fixed his tie against his black shirt. “Ah…Forgive me. Come inside.” Virgil cast another look at the white dog, then followed the professor inside. The bird he’d heard squawk came into view-an African grey parrot, and an impressive one at that. It rested on a free wooden perch with newspaper on the floor to catch whatever it dropped. Unsurprisingly, there were bird toys all over the house so the parrot could entertain itself. “Over here.” The professor motioned to the small living room. Virgil followed him in. The first thing he noticed was that the TV was on and playing kids shows. The second was the man sitting on the couch and watching them. The English professor walked over and tapped the man on the shoulder. “Patton, I have someone here. Just so I don’t startle you.” “Can I see them?” The other man-Patton-spoke suddenly. The professor nodded and Patton jumped up, catching sight of Virgil. Virgil stepped back slightly, offering a shy wave. Patton broke into a huge grin. “Hello! Oh Logi, he’s adorable-“ “Patton, remember what I said about calling people that out loud,” Virgil’s professor said, softly yet sternly. “You don’t know how he’ll feel about it.” Patton looked back. “Can I hug him?” “You’ll have to ask his permission,” the professor said at the same time Virgil said “I’d rather you didn’t.” Patton turned disheartened eyes to the professor, who sighed and pulled him into a hug. Virgil noticed the glint of something shiny on the two men’s hands. He smiled a little at the sight. Married…

The professor kissed the top of Patton’s head, getting a happy grin in response. “I have to work with Virgil here. Do you mind moving to the bedroom?” “Nope!” Patton bounced happily, pulling out of the professor’s arms and running down a hallway. The professor watched him go with a soft smile. He turned to Virgil again, who hid his own smile. “So. The work you missed. Let’s get you caught up.”

Virgil wound up missing the frat party, spending hours with his English professor-Logan Ester, he learned his name was. What started as a catching-up-with-work-and-fuck-off-again night turned into a -play-with-Watson-the-dog-and-Sherlock-the-parrot-while-learning-about-Autism-night. Seriously, Logan told him about Autism. Apparently Patton had it, as well as Roman. Logan instantly put to rest any thoughts Virgil had about Autistic people being stupid. They may not understand some things, they may miss a lot of social cues, and many may be prone to meltdowns, but they’re still humans with emotions. “I’ve had people give me dirty looks when Patton announces he’s my husband,” he told him at one time. “They think people with Autism don’t understand love and can’t consent to anything. They don’t seem to understand that they can feel love-Patton proposed to me, not the other way around.” Virgil went home with a bit of homework and a lot to think about. He recalled the jerkass way he’d treated Roman before and decided to make it up to him somehow. He returned to the dorm to a furious Lily. “What the fuck, V?!” She yelled. “You were supposed to come to the party tonight!” “I had better things to do,” Virgil mumbled, shoving past her in the doorway. “And don’t call me V.” “What could be more important than meeting new possible friends!?” Virgil turned back and glared at her. “Homework.” With that, he slammed the door to his dorm room.

His phone buzzed with a text later that night, as he was getting ready to sleep. It was from Lily. Go figure.

You: what Blond Bitch: V, I’m sorry Blond Bitch: I just realized how I sounded. I shouldn’t have pressured you into coming to the party Blond Bitch: I just don’t want you to be unpopular, you know? You: no Blond Bitch: think of it this way-the more friends you have, the less likely it is that John will go after you You: maybe i want to be upopular You: *unpopular Blond Bitch: V, please…At least show up to the next one? Blond Bitch: all my friends wanna meet you Blond Bitch: and maybe theres other people out there like you Blond Bitch: *there’s You: emos, you mean Blond Bitch: did I say emos? You: can i sleep please Blond Bitch: promise me that you’ll come to the next party. Blond Bitch: else I’ll keep spamming you Blond Bitch: V? Blond Bitch: V Blond Bitch: V Blond Bitch: Virgil You: fine Blond Bitch: Yay! Blond Bitch: okay, I’ll let you sleep now Blond Bitch: good night, V