#forgive me for mels tattoos | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cognacandlilac · 3 years ago

Text

A Story of Opposites - Part 2

Silco x Fem!OC - AU/Fix It - Post-Cannon

Read on AO3 - Link to Part One

Nesrin realized that, unfortunately, the Eye of Zaun is really hot. Jinx discovers the chocolate fountains.

Tags: Silco x Topsider!OFC, First Person POV, SFW (for now), Slow burn (kind of), Fix it fic (kind of), cannon-divergent.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption. Minor physical injury.

Word Count: 7k

“Get Lia inside,” my mother hisses.

“What? Why?”

“I don’t want her anywhere near him. Or you for that matter. I should send you both in.” The alarm in her voice is clear though she keeps her tone hushed and her radiant hostess smile in place. If anyone were to look our way, they would see a polished family engaging in an amusing conversation.

“You’re not sending me in,” I say. “You’re not sending Lia in, either. You told her she could stay until sundown and if you go back on your word, she won’t be gracious about it.”

“But that man-”

“Was invited,” I say. “And since he runs the new nation that’s now in our backyard, I don’t think we want to offend him by making such an obvious departure after his arrival.”

“Offend him,” my mother scoffs. “That’s rich.”

“Lia and I aren’t going anywhere,” I repeat.

She stares me down but the need to avoid a spectacle outweighs her need to keep me locked away from unexpected party guests.

“You are not to speak to him,” she says. “I want you on the opposite end of the terrace from him at all times.”

“I’m going to rejoin my friends.”

“That’s better,” she says quickly. “Keep Jayce near you. The utter nerve of that man for showing up here is beyond anything I’ve ever seen in my life.”

As quickly as I can, I extract myself from the conversation. It’s not difficult, considering my mother is still sputtering her disbelief at my poor father.

I make my way back to the couches where Mel, Jayce, and my sister still sit. They’re all watching me as I gather my train and settle back into my seat. The dull throb in my side catches me by surprise as I remember I’m supposed to be keeping my arm over the gap in my dress. I can’t slyly check to see the state of my bruises right now. Mel, Jayce, and Lia have me pinned under their gazes.

“I said I’d point him out to you,” Mel says with a chuckle. “You didn’t have to slam into him.”

“I didn’t know he was there!” I exclaim, careful to keep my voice low. “He doesn’t make any noise when he moves. It’s not my fault!”

“What did he say to you?” Lia asks, leaning closer. “I’ve never seen you look so…so…”

“I was taken by surprise, that’s all,” I say quickly. “And he didn’t say anything. He was kind enough to forgive me for smacking into him and that’s it.”

“Let’s hope this doesn’t create an international incident,” Jayce says with a teasing waggle of his brows.

“Get me a stiff drink or else I’ll show you an international incident,” I threaten, which only makes his smile widen.

“Oh, she’s ruffled.” He nudges Mel’s shoulder gently.

“I’m not ruffled,” I huff, but Mel’s attention has been pulled elsewhere. Her eyes narrow and a deadly expression takes over her elegant features.

“An international incident just walked onto the terrace.”

I follow her gaze, but the only person I don’t recognize is a young girl. She has to be near in age to Lia. Her blue hair is woven into an intricate braid that spills down her back, nearly brushing the ground. A smattering of swirling blue tattoos decorates one of her arms and shoulders.

She doesn’t look like an international incident. She looks like a kid. A lost kid, at that.

“Who is she?” I ask.

“Her name is Jinx,” Mel says. “Remember the Progress Day explosion? She did it.”

Try as I might, I cannot picture that young girl doing such a thing but Mel wouldn’t have said it unless she knew it was true.

“I don’t understand. I don’t think my mother randomly decided to invite a domestic terrorist to her gala.”

“She’s Silco’s daughter,” Jayce says. “Or something to that effect.”

Yet another curveball thrown into the mix. I follow Jinx’s gaze to the edge of the terrace where the Eye of Zaun is locked in conversation with one of my father’s business partners. She hurries across the terrace to his side, standing slightly behind him but close enough to wrap a hand around his upper arm.

Without breaking from his current conversation, Silco gives her a gentle, encouraging look that has a noticeable calming effect on the girl. The poor thing looks like a wire too tightly coiled, ready to spring at the slightest provocation.

My father’s partner excuses himself from the conversation. Silco dips his head just low enough to quietly speak into Jinx’s ear. I can’t imagine what he’s saying to her, but the worry melts from her eyes, replaced by a calm determination. She nods, but I can’t help but notice the way her fingers dig into his arm.

“And you’re sure she was behind the explosion?” I ask.

“Yes.” The steel in Jayce’s voice makes me flinch.

“Then how is she here?” I ask. “Why isn’t she in Stillwater?”

“Part of the negotiations,” Mel says. “Silco made it clear he would inflict as much damage as he could against Piltover should Jinx be brought to justice. And he was in a position to inflict quite a bit.”

Again, my mind struggles to align the words I’m hearing with the image before me. Jinx presses her cheek into Silco’s shoulder, murmuring something unintelligible. He brushes a loose lock of hair off her forehead, listening intently.

“Thankfully, he’s tightened his leash on her,” Mel says. “We’ve had no problems.”

“It shows he’s a man of his word, doesn’t it?” I offer.

Mel and Jayce fix me with stares of dismay and bewilderment.

“What?” I shrug. “They’re both in my house. I’d like to think neither of them are blood-thirsty monsters hellbent on seeking revenge against me and mine. You can understand that, right?”

“I guess,” Jayce mutters, still staring daggers at the pair of them.

As if he can feel it, Silco lifts his gaze. His good eye narrows into a cold glare. A warning directed at Jayce and Mel. I can’t deny that the look on his face sends a chill deep into my core.

That eye.

His gaze flicks to me and the glare softens just a fraction. I still feel the urge to cower as I hold his gaze.

Until I realize I’m staring.

I quickly look away, chastising myself for being rude not once but twice.

“I’m going to get something sweet to nibble on,” I say. I’m not particularly hungry. I just need an excuse to move my body. My skin hums and I’m feeling restless. I’m certain I’m imagining it, but I swear I feel eyes burning into my back.

Desdemona’s voice penetrates my swirling thoughts. Music wraps around my mind like a comfortable sweater. Lyrics float through my thoughts. I try to snatch one that will quiet my mind and focus my intentions. A trick I learned from an old theater director who came up with this tactic when I felt too untethered to do my job properly.

The only lyrics that come to mind are the opposite of calming and centering. All concealed blades and shadowy figures. The exact opposite of what I need to think about right now.

I make my way to a long table sporting not one, not two, but three chocolate fountains. White chocolate, milk chocolate, and dark chocolate. Surrounding the fountains are platters of fruits, tiny pastries, nuts, and anything else someone might want to douse in chocolate.

I pick up a small plate, select some nuts, berries, and one brilliant fat red strawberry, and carefully drizzle them with dark chocolate.

“Is this your house?” A voice beside me startles me, nearly making me drop my plate. Pain snakes up my left side as all of my muscles tense. I look over to find Jinx standing a little too close for comfort, watching me with wide eyes. I can’t help but notice how strange they are, wavering somewhere between pink and purple. There’s a strange glow to them, almost. Like something fluorescent shimmers beneath her retina.

“Yes,” I force myself to answer.

“It’s really big.”

“It is.”

“Why?”

Her question catches me off guard. “Why is my house so big?”

She gives a curt nod.

“I’m not sure,” I answer. “We didn’t build it. My mother picked it.”

That answer seems to satisfy her, for some reason, and she turns her attention to the fountains and the spread beneath them. She plucks a slice of sugared fruit and brings it to her nose, giving it a light sniff. She wrinkles her nose before putting it back.

“How are you supposed to eat this stuff? It’s weird.”

“Well, what do you like?” I ask, reminded of many dinnertime negotiations with Lia when she absolutely refused to eat whatever was prepared for her. “Salty? Sweet? Sugary?”

“Sugary.”

“Okay,” I nod. “You’ll probably like the white chocolate best, then. It’s the sweetest.”

Her eyes dart to my plate. “What do you have?”

“Dark chocolate, though it’s not dark enough for my taste. I like my chocolate bitter.”

She says nothing, keeping her eyes on my plate.

“You’re welcome to try something,” I say, pushing the plate a little closer.

A war criminal is in my home wearing a party dress and I’m offering her chocolate-covered berries. Despite the strangeness today has brought, I didn’t expect anything like this to happen.

She tips her head to the side as if I’ve just presented her with an impossible riddle.

“Nah,” she says abruptly, moving away to grab a small cup from the tea and coffee table. I don’t expect her to return and I really don’t expect her to stick the cup right under the torrent of white chocolate, filling it up to the top.

Speechless, I watch her take a long sip. A smile spreads over her face that’s so genuine it makes me want to laugh.

“That’s some good stuff right there,” she says before taking another long sip.

“I’m a little upset I didn’t think to do that first,” I admit.

“Why not try it? Get a cup of the bitter stuff.”

A straight cup of pure chocolate, even dark chocolate, is too sickly sweet for me. But if there were something to offset the sweetness…

My eyes travel to the bar. I did say I wanted a stiff drink. Why not try something new?

“I have an idea,” I grab a cup from the coffee table, fill it one-third of the way with dark chocolate, and make my way to the bar, keenly aware of Jinx trailing behind me, loudly slurping her ‘drink’.

“How can I help you, Miss Caris?” Asks the bartender. He’s worked for us before. A pang of guilt hits my chest. I can’t remember his name. I’m not sure I ever learned it in the first place.

“I need you to humor me,” I flash a charming smile. “Do you think you can turn this into a proper drink?” I show him the contents of my cup. His eyes light up and he clearly tries to suppress a laugh.

“Can’t say I’ve been asked that before.” He takes the cup from my hands and swirls the chocolate. “It’s not too thick. I think I can mix it well enough. Any preference?” He gestures to the rows of colorful bottles behind him.

“Whiskey,” I answer without hesitation. “Blackheart.”

“Hey, my dad likes that stuff,” Jinx pipes up.

“Your dad has good taste,” I reply.

She turns her sharp, shining eyes to the bartender. “Think you can make two of those?”

If he knows who she is, he doesn’t let on. “If you get the chocolate.”

“Deal.” Jinx darts away, weaving between party guests whose expressions range from bewildered to wary. Jinx returns with a second cup of white chocolate. “He likes sweet stuff,” she offers when she sees my curious expression.

I now know two things about the King of the Undercity. We like the same whiskey and he has a sweet tooth. Two very ordinary, very human things.

Honestly, I don’t know why I have him framed in my mind like he’s some sort of mythical being. He’s a person. Just a person.

The bartender doesn’t shy away from the challenge. He takes our respective cups and pours a shot of Blackheart whiskey in each before stirring them thoroughly. The white chocolate turns a pale amber color and the dark chocolate turns even darker.

“Here you are, ladies.” He slides the drinks toward us. “If they suck, it’s not my fault.”

I bark out a laugh. “Don’t worry. We know we’re playing with fire.”

“Try it,” Jinx urges. “If it’s gross, I’m not giving it to my dad.”

“So, I’m the lab rat?” I chuckle.

“I don’t like using rats, but yeah. Pretty much.”

Oh, that’s unsettling.

“Kidding!” She adds, putting her hands up. “I don’t like testing on any animals. It’s mean and surprisingly difficult to get insightful results.”

Oh, that’s worse. So many questions swirl in my head but I don’t think I want the answer to any of them. What I want is a drink.

“Here goes nothing.” I bring the cup to my lips and take a tentative sip. The smoothness of the chocolate blends with the burning whiskey into something dark, rich, and elegant. “Damn, that’s good.”

And potent. I already feel the whiskey wrapping around me like a warm blanket, loosening the tightness between my shoulders and soothing the ache in my side.

“Great!” Jinx darts off without another word.

“I’ll make sure you get one hell of a tip tonight,” I say to the bartender, who beams in response.

I turn my gaze to follow the path Jinx cut through the crowd. She’s found Silco, who is talking to yet another one of my father’s business associates. Coincidence or calculated? My father owns the largest shipping company in Piltover. Sixty percent of the airships coming and going belong to him. I can’t imagine the Eye of Zaun is ignorant of that.

Jinx waits for a break in the conversation, practically vibrating with excitement. When Silco turns his attention to her, she excitedly offers him the cup, her mouth going a mile a minute.

He’s clearly confused, but gets the idea. With an indulgent quirk of his brow that does something to my stomach I’d rather not think about, he brings the cup to his lips. His lips are thin and give the impression that they’re used to being turned down in displeasure. I can’t take my eyes off them.

He stiffens. His good eye widens until it’s almost as large as the ruined one. For a moment, I think the Eye of Zaun is going to spit out his drink, but he doesn’t. He swallows it and contemplates what has just happened to him. Jinx is talking. I see her look over her shoulder right at me.

Silco’s gaze follows, searing into my skin.

Unwilling to stand there like a gaping fool, I do the only thing I can think to do. I raise my cup, identical to his, and smile.

Understanding flicks across his face. The barest shadow of a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. He lifts his cup. In unison, we take a drink of our respective concoctions.

I’m still smiling when I make my way back to my friends.

“What the hell was that?” Lia asks as I settle down beside her.

“I’m playing alchemist,” I say.

“With Jinx,” she says with a sneer.

“Again, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want to keep the potentially dangerous criminal in my house happy. Try a sip of this, if you dare.” I move my cup under her nose. She takes a whiff and damn near snarls.

“That’s nauseating,” she says.

“It’s better than it looks,” I say, taking another small sip.

Conversation returns to its normal flow, but I can't fully focus. My attention is constantly pulled back to the Eye and his strange daughter.

They remain close to the terrace edge. While he looks calm, controlled, and surprisingly at ease, Jinx is a nervous ball of energy. She fidgets and twitches. She plays with her braid and watches everyone like a hawk with those unusual eyes.

Silco's body is angled toward me as he casually leans against the railing. I steal glances at him, feeling more and more foolish every time I do but I can't seem to stop myself.

He's... magnetic. It's ridiculous. Lyrics swirl in my head like some kind of hellish mental whirlpool. Songs about poison and warnings and reckless abandon. Completely inappropriate and unwarranted.

My gaze drifts to him again only this time, he's looking at me. Feeling caught, I advert my gaze but I still feel his eyes on me. Like he's branding me.

Again, it's ridiculous.

My mind hums. A million inappropriate lyrics that will never pass my lips float to the forefront of my thoughts but I shove them down. Clutching my drink, I stand.

"Nesrin?" Mel asks.

"I'll be right back," I offer a winning smile that Mel will surely see right through and glide toward the farthest corner of the grand terrace.

One quality that makes my mother a spectacular hostess is her ability to plan for any eventuality. Prone to migraines as she is, the terrace is dotted with little nooks, hidden away behind walls of lush topiaries. The farthest one isn't just a shelter from the party, but boasts a narrow staircase that runs along the outside of our home, leading down to the kitchen.

I hurry down the steps and push in, grateful to find the staff in a lull between preparing trays.

Vera stands near the sinks looking positively haggard but she brightens when she sees me and hurries to my side.

"How's everything going up there?" She asks.

"He's here," I say. "He actually showed up."

Her eyes go wide. "What's he like?"

“I need you to come with me," I grasp her forearm with my free hand. "I want you to see him for yourself."

"Oh!" She shakes her head. "I-"

"Mrs. Hatley, I'm borrowing Vera," I say. "I'll have her back in less than five minutes. I promise!"

I yank Vera up the staircase before Mrs. Hatley can say anything.

"This better be worth the ire she’ll lob at me later," Vera grumbles, though I can tell she's excited and happy to be out of the stuffy kitchen. As much as she loves learning her craft, I don’t know how she stands the heat.

"I just need your opinion on something."

We reach the terrace. I arrange myself near a break in the topiary wall, keeping my back to the party. I direct Vera to stand in front of me, off-centered just enough to look over my shoulder inconspicuously.

"An opinion on what? I thought you wanted to point out Silco."

"Dark clothes. Dark hair with a streak of gray. Probably holding one of these." I lift my coffee cup.

"That does not smell like coffee," she wrinkles her nose.

"It's not. He's with a teenager with a long blue braid."

I know when she spots him. Her whole face changes from mild annoyance to something like awe.

"So, the rumors are true," she gasps. "His eye."

"What about his eye?" I fight the urge to look over my shoulder. Obviously, I know which eye she's referring to but she talks as if she knows something about it.

"Remember how I told you the Children of Zaun fell apart right when the revolution gained traction?"

I nod.

"The official story was that Silco betrayed the other revolutionaries and was thought to have been killed for his crimes."

"No one smart ever believes the official story." I drain the last of my chocolatey concoction. "What really happened?"

"No one knows for sure, but there are whispers, "she says. "People say that Silco didn't betray anyone, that he was the one who was betrayed. They say he barely escaped with his life and was horribly disfigured in the process."

"How awful," I can't stop myself from glancing over my shoulder. I immediately lock eyes with Silco. It's like he can sense we're talking about him. “Do you think it’s true?”

“I don’t know,” she says. “It’s not really talked about anymore. It would explain that eye, though.”

Silco tilts his head to the side. Once again, I’m overwhelmed by the feeling of being caught doing something I’m not supposed to be doing. I make myself look straight ahead.

“Whatever the truth is, it sounds like a sad story,” I say.

"Yeah," she agrees, looking at her hands, completely unaware of whose attention we've caught. "Anyway, you wanted my opinion on something?"

"Yes, but it seems stupid now," I groan, pressing my fingertips to my temple. “Like, inappropriately stupid.”

"You dragged me up here. You have to ask."

"The Eye of Zaun. Silco. Is he hot? He’s not hot, right? But is he, though?"

"What?" She sputters, clamping a hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter.

"I told you it was stupid!" My cheeks burn. "I ran into him. Literally. And he's just so – and he has this voice – and there's something about him that's just so –"

Gods, why can’t I make my mouth work?

"Yeah, he's hot," she agrees, benevolently putting me out of my misery. "He's got that natural aura of power that people find appealing."

"So, I'm not crazy?"

"You are, but not for that," she teases. I swat at her realizing too late that I'm very much in the line of sight of party guests.

"Go back to your sanctuary," I wave her off. I truly don't want to get her into trouble and I'd like a moment to stew in my embarrassment alone before collecting myself.

He's hot. He shouldn't be hot. I sure as hell shouldn’t find him hot yet here I am.

But why am I so thrown off by this? It's not like he's the first attractive man I’ve ever seen. I've seen plenty. There are at least a dozen attractive, eligible men my age milling about the terrace. Classically handsome men with easy pasts and matching eyes.

A dozen handsome men but none of them are like him. I don't even have to have a conversation with him to know there is no one else like him at this party or even in all of Piltover.

A refreshing breeze kicks up, cooling my heated skin and settling my confused thoughts. It draws me away from the topiaries, to the terrace edge.

Below sprawls the glittering windows and rooftops of Piltover. The sun hangs low in the sky casting its rays over the river Pilt. Its ripples and wakes shine like old coins.

Across the river, Zaun hunkers like a great sleeping beast. So much of the new nation is concealed within the chasm or cloaked by smog. I squint, trying to spot the area where I got my ass kicked only a few hours ago.

"That looks like it hurts." The sound of his voice sends a slow shiver from my core that radiates throughout my whole body. The dark shape of him, a slice through the brilliant blue sky, moves into my peripheral on my left.

It takes a full beat for my addled brain to process his words.

My left arm is extended to grip the edge of the terrace, leaving my side exposed. My bruises on full display. Nearly all of the concealing powder I applied has rubbed off and the color has deepened. The sun is at least an hour from setting. There's no way I can keep this hidden and I can’t afford to be asked questions I can’t answer.

"Use this." In one subtle, smooth motion, his hand hovers at my side at such an angle that no one on the other side of me can see. Something gold flashes in the sunlight. A thin, square compact engraved with an intricate linear design.

"It's good for covering up imperfections far more severe than bruising,” Silco says when I don't take it right away.

My gaze ticks up to his face. To that ruined eye. Until now, I didn't have a chance to take in the deep furrows that run from his brow all the way down to the corner of his mouth. I spot a telltale sheen of makeup. High quality, but not invisible.

"Thank you." I take the compact. I hope he knows that I’m thanking him, not just for helping me out, but for letting me in on what I assume is a secret.

I leave his side and make my way across the terrace and into the house. Lyrics and snips of songs flit through my mind until I've sealed myself in the grand powder room.

I open the compact. It's well used and the wrong shade for my skin, but it’ll work.

My mother has laid out trays and jars filled with cotton balls, swabs, and spongy applicators for the express purpose of reapplying makeup. I pluck a sponge from one of the jars and dab the concealer.

I tap it gently into my skin. The Eye of Zaun was right. This stuff is incredible. It's like a second layer of skin. There's just one pesky spot I can't quite get.

A rapid-fire knock on the door has me damn near jumping out of my skin.

"Just a minute," I call only to be met with more knocks like someone forgot they’re pounding on a door rather than tapping out a beat.

"Open up!" I recognize Jinx's voice immediately. I fling the door open and she breezes in like she owns the place.

"Can I help you?" I ask.

"I'm supposed to help you, actually," she replies, staring up at the painted ceiling where mermaids frolic in a silver mosaic sea. "My dad sent me in." Her eyes flick to his compact sitting open on the counter.

"Oh." I don't know what to make of that.

"He thought there'd be some marks you can't reach." Jinx grabs my shoulders with a surprisingly firm grip and rotates me. "Ah-ha!'

"How would he know where my marks are?" I ask as Jinx applies the cover-up with a gentle, expert hand. I know he saw parts of the bruises himself, but there is no way in hell he would have been able to see the parts where Jinx is currently dabbing.

"I dunno," she shrugs. "His whole thing is knowing everything about everything and giving long lectures about life and stuff."

I swallow a laugh. "Is that so?"

"The guy can monologue," she says as she finishes her task. She tosses the sponge into the bin. I close up the compact and try to pass it to her.

"Nope," she grins. "You give it back to him."

"He'll get it back faster if you just take it," I counter.

"But that's not as fun. Byeeeee!" She flees the washroom trailing blue hair and mischievous laughter.

I take a moment to make sure all of my bruising is covered before figuring out how I'm going to carry the compact around until I can slip it back to Silco.

I slip the compact into my dress, the cold metal pressing against the side of my breast, sending goosebumps over my skin. It’s precarious, but should be fine until I can get the compact back to its owner.

The chilly sensation makes my nipples harden beneath the fabric of my dress. I double-check the bodice to make sure nothing is visible. Thankfully, nothing is but as I walk back to the party, I'm keenly aware of how the fabric shifts across my already sensitive skin with every step I take.

I make a beeline for the bar, opting for something cool and light to drink. Pink sparkling wine flush with the taste of roses.

Desdemona has shifted to more upbeat music. People are dancing. My body responds to the music, wanting to dance but aching to sing. I want to rip the microphone out of Desdemona's elegantly gloved hands because I know I can do it better.

I have done it better. Only a few short years ago, I sold out theaters. People came from all over the continent to hear my voice.

And I miss it.

But I don't miss it enough to go back to being the family show pony.

I see Lia and Mel dancing, having so much fun. I want to join them but Silco's compact is digging into my breast. I scan the crowd for him and I find him speaking to none other than my father. No way in hell am I going to approach either of them.

"Nesrin!" My sister beckons me. I have no reason not to join her. The thrum of the bass is practically begging to be danced to.

Lia and I have been in dance lessons since we could stand on our own two feet. We know how to move together and for a crowd of onlookers.

The beguiling Caris sisters. Positively enchanting. The envy of Piltover. Two sparkling diamonds ready to be sold off to the highest, most eligible bidders.

I down my drink, praying it does enough to separate my mind from my body just a tiny bit more. If I'm too aware of my own mind, I'll have to acknowledge how very selfish I am. By refusing to marry any number of perfectly agreeable, respectable men. I'm knowingly pushing the duties of an eldest daughter onto my sister.

It's infuriating that we live in the most progressive nation on this earth. We make leaps and bounds on a weekly basis, leaving everyone else in the dust. Yet my sister and I are bound to the most archaic, outdated traditions for no reason other than to make us seem rare. Elite. Unobtainable.

I need to get this gods damned compact out of my dress but the suave bastard moves from one conversation to another, as slick as oil.

I try to dance, but I can't lose myself in the music the way I want to. Every time I shift or sway, I feel the damned compact press against my skin, and my thoughts snap to him. He might as well be touching me himself with how distracted I am.

Oh, why did I have to put that image into my mind? Now, all I can think about is what it would be like to dance with him. To feel his fingers glide over my skin.

Not good. Not good, at all.

Every time I find him in the crowd, he's locked in conversation. I never spot an opportunity to pull him aside and return what’s his.

I keep dancing, fighting the urge to belt out whatever song is playing. My skin feels as though it’s on fire despite the dropping temperature.

I need air.

Lia and I exchange a look. I gesture to the railing, indicating that I need a breather. She nods but shows no sign of slowing down. Why would she? She only has until sunset before mother sends her up to bed like a child.

I'll try to come up with an excuse to keep her at the party longer or I’ll just hope mother is too many drinks in to remember her rule. She hasn’t hounded me since she demanded I stay away from the Eye of Zaun and look how well that turned out.

I brace against the railing, leaning into the fresh, crisp breeze. It skates over my flushed skin, bringing instant relief.

I detect the faintest hint of salt on the wind. The breeze must be coming up from the west, bringing the scent of the ocean with it.

It's a clear day. Despite the brightness of the sinking sun, I turn my face to catch the breeze. The ocean is lit up by the low-hanging sun. A spit of pure gold on the horizon. The sight of it puts my heart at ease but also puts a deep ache in my chest.

"No one would ever guess you're sporting a rather impressive injury.”

Goodness, that voice. That damned voice. It’s all I can do not to let my head fall back at the sound of it.

My god, I'm more drunk than I realized. I glance at Silco from the corner of my eye. He's appeared on my left side again. Perhaps he means to shield my bruises from prying eyes but all he’s truly doing is blocking my view of the ocean.

"Jinx helped." I need to make sure the young girl gets credit where credit is due. "She somehow knew I couldn't reach every bruise."

"Did she?" The note of wry amusement in his voice nearly turns my legs to jelly.

"Yes, at your direction." I turn to face him only to have my breath stolen right out of my lungs. His profile is set aglow by the sun, perfectly haloed. His good eye, fixed on the city beyond us, bright with some kind of inner fire.

By some miracle, I find my words again. "How do you know so much about my injuries?"

"When Piltover's Songbird appears in my city and gets into a scrape, it's my duty to know about it."

I go stone still, unsure of what my next move should be so I go with honesty.

"You know who I am." It's not a question but a statement.

"I'm not as out of touch as you might think, though that's easy to assume.” There's a note of bitterness in his voice. Not quite hostile but it’s enough to make me bristle.

"I'm not in the habit of making assumptions," I reply. "It is only that I've put a great deal of energy into staying out of the public eye since my departure from the stage. Having someone, a stranger no less, call me by that old nickname took me by surprise. Perhaps, it's you who should be more wary of making assumptions."

I don't mean to say that last part out loud but it tumbles from my lips before I can stop myself. I suppose I should look apologetic or cowed but I hold his gaze in the same, unflinching way he holds mine.

After a long moment, his brow quirks in amusement.

"You're right," he says. "I did make an assumption. That was rude of me, especially since you've been such a gracious host. Never has an attempted poisoning tasted so pleasant."

I bark at a laugh. "Don't pin that on me. Jinx was the one who first put the chocolate in the cup. I didn’t make you drink it."

The silence that settles between us is not companionable, familiar, or even comfortable but it's lighter and easier than silence between strangers should be. It puts a prickle over my skin. I'm reminded of why I needed to speak to him in the first place.

"This is yours," I say tactlessly as I angle my body away from any potential onlookers, toward him. My heart stutters when I realize I'm going to have to reach into my dress right in front of him to retrieve the borrowed compact. I didn't think this through.

Quickly, I dip my fingers beneath my bodice. I'm quick but not graceful. I end up dragging the damn thing directly across my breast in my haste. The rippled engravings and the metal's refusal to warm to my skin send dueling sensations over my nipple that make my breath stutter, but I hide it well enough.

Or so I think.

When I offer the compact, I notice for the barest fraction of a second, his eyes are not on my outstretched hand but the low plunge of my neckline.

Before I can stop myself, I'm imagining his long, unfairly graceful fingers slipping beneath the fabric tracing the same pattern across my breast with a warm fingertip instead of cold metal. With a sharp inhale, he plucks the compact from my fingers and tucks it away.

"Excellent. Glad to be of service." The image of his fingers flees from my mind and I'm able to settle back into the present moment, though I feel a flush creeping around my neck.

From embarrassment, surely. Nothing more than that.

“You still haven't said how you knew the severity of my injuries."

"Haven't I?" He glances at me from the corner of his eye. "It's my job to know what happens on my streets. I'm very good at that job."

"You know that isn't a satisfactory answer," I press. "Were you on the street when it happened? Did you see?"

"I was in my office at the time." He turns his head to look at me dead on. His ruined eye burns like a dark eclipse. In total contrast to the bright, golden world around us. "But I have eyes everywhere."

"I expect as much from someone called the Eye of Zaun."

"Ah," he chuckles darkly. "You protest to being called by your moniker but readily call me by mine. Interesting."

Embarrassment stings my cheeks.

"Yes, that was careless of me." I lower my gaze. "But, despite the events of the evening thus far, we haven't actually been introduced. I don't know what to call you. Some call you a king. Do I call you your Highness?"

A chilled huff escapes his chest. "I'm no king. I don't claim any title."

"But you rule over a nation." I furrow my brow.

"I am a caretaker of a nation. A broken one at that." His gaze travels across the river as something dark creeps into his good eye.

"Do I call you Lord Caretaker, then?" I ask with a touch of forced levity. It's enough to draw his gaze back to me though it doesn’t quite banish that darkness.

"Call me by my name," he says.

"Silco." My tongue caresses each syllable. It’s not the first time I’ve said his name, but something about this time strikes me. It tastes like the beginning of something. Something tight and trembling takes shape deep in my core and tightens more still when his thin mouth curves into a ghost of a smile.

I return with a smile of my own and extend a hand. "I'm delighted to meet you, Silco."

His hand slides into mine then engulfs it. The roughness of his palm takes me by surprise. He has the hands of a laborer, not a politician.

"I'm pleased to meet someone who would protect one of my own without hesitation, Miss. Nesrin Caris."

"So, you do know my name," I grin.

"Of course. Not many would step between an angry ex-enforcer strung out on low-quality shimmer and their target. The moment I heard, I made a point to learn your name."

"Is that why you're here tonight?" I ask, tilting my head to one side. "Because of what happened earlier?"

"Your Council isn't pleased with my lack of social participation," he says, choosing his words carefully. "I figured I could remove a thorn from my side and satisfy my curiosity as well."

His hand tightens on mine. I hadn't realized our hands were still joined. A deeply instilled sense of propriety urges me to pull away, but every other part of me screams to stay just as I am.

"Nesi!" Lia appears at my side in a cloud of pink, her delicate features knotted with anxiety. Her gaze lands on my hand joined with Silco’s and only then seems to comprehend who I'm locked in conversation with.

I remove my hand from Silco’s grip and suppress a shiver as his fingertips glide over the back of my hand.

I turn away from him to focus all of my attention on my sister.

"What's the matter?" I ask, tucking an errant lock of her hair back into place.

"I need your help with something," she says, casting a wary glance at Silco.

He clears his throat and bends forward in a short bow. "Please excuse me, Miss. Caris."

"Of course," I cast a thankful glance over my shoulder before returning my attention to my sister.

Though she tries to hide it, I don't miss the smug tilt of her mouth.

"Lia, did you only come over to interrupt a perfectly decent conversation with one of our invited guests?" I arch a brow.

"Do you always hold hands with guests?" She fires back.

"It was a handshake,” I say, though I don’t even try to sound convincing. Lia’s no fool. "Mother sent you over here, didn't she?"

"No," Lia replies. "But Mel and Jayce have been saying things about that man. They think he’s dangerous and, from what they're saying, he's done terrible things to get to where he is now."

Vera said something similar. I regret not asking her to elaborate when I had the chance. Perhaps, I could sneak back down to the kitchen?

Mel's warning slams into the forefront of my mind.

He has this…way about him.

Understatement of the year.

He oozes charm, charisma, danger, and darkness and I feel like I'm on the brink of being pulled into his riptide.

Maybe it's a good thing Lia interrupted when she did. It wouldn't hurt to take a few moments to reacquaint myself with reality.

"I really do need your help with something, though," she says, all nerves again.

"What?"

"Viktor's here." she can't even say his name without smiling. "Will you introduce me?"

I can't imagine why Viktor showed up. This kind of gathering might not be his worst nightmare, but I'm willing to bet something like this is in his top three.

"I will." I loop my arm through hers and let her lead me across the terrace. with every step, I'm certain I feel the Eye of Zaun watching me.

#silco #silco arcane #silco fanfic #jinx arcane #jinx #silco x oc #silco x ofc #silco x female character #first person pov #my writing #arcane fanfic #jinx being chaotic #fanfic #arcane silco #eye of zaun

11 notes · View notes

twoidiotwriters1 · 4 years ago

Text

Written In The Stars LXXXIX (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: I’m sorry for the last chapter, I’m not tho

P.S. I made a spotify playlist with all the songs I’ve put so far in the story, I’ll leave the link here :) -Danny

Words: 1,992

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Listen to: Catch Me -by Demi Lovato

Chapter Twenty-Four: Misconceptions.

She hated that she cared so much now, everything was relevant, every mistake felt like a missed opportunity.

She'd almost kissed him merely a month ago, and she would've kissed him tonight if it weren't because he'd chosen to blame her for the attention some boys were paying to her.

For Harry, it made sense that Mel would rather spend time with a Quidditch celebrity or a popular Gryffindor than to spend it with him. He was jealous of the Slytherin that managed to change her mind about their least favourite house, and if that wasn't about enough, Erick also had a very attractive cousin, in case Mel needed more options.

She surely had the talent to befriend good-looking boys, she had to at least admit that.

Mel was always changing plans, giving him the best presents, defending his bloody honour! What else does she have to do to convince him that she will always choose him?!

"I saw it this morning, Severus!" An angry voice exclaimed over the bushes. "It looks almost fresh like they just tattooed it in my skin!"

"Really?" Snape's voice came out with disinterest. "Must've been a trick of the light..."

"You know it wasn't! It's an omen! A terrible omen!"

"Quite honestly, I don't see what there is to fuss about, Igor."

Mel realized she'd get in trouble if they were to find her eavesdropping on their conversation, so she tried to flee. However, she crashed against someone's front, Mel grunted and turned around quickly, "Sorry!"

Harry blinked in surprise, probably not expecting to see her.

"Severus, you cannot pretend this isn't happening!" The voice was getting closer. "It's been getting clearer and clearer for months. I am becoming seriously concerned, I can't deny it —"

"Then flee," Snape replied. "Flee — I will make your excuses. I, however, am remaining at Hogwarts."

Mel jumped out of Harry's grip, fearing that Snape could find a fitting reason to take points away since he seemed to be registering the bushes in search for rulebreakers.

"Ten points from Ravenclaw, Fawcett! And ten points from Hufflepuff too, Stebbins!– And what are you three doing?"

"We're walking," Ron told Snape. "Not against the law, is it?"

"Keep walking, then!" And with that, both men were gone.

"What's got Karkaroff all worried?" Ron muttered.

"Dunno, he was talking about some mark on his skin," Mel kept her eyes on them until they disappeared. "Said something about bad omens..."

"Since when have he and Snape been on first-name terms?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Is weird–" She shared a look with the boy, then remembered she was mad at him and turned hot on her heel without a second glance.

"Wait!" Harry called after her.

Unfortunately, she had to stop a second time when she heard Hagrid's voice coming from the bench ahead of them. Mel hushed him and indicated both boys to be quiet before pointing at the bench. Harry turned to see if they could go back and tapped Ron's shoulder to get his attention and tell him to go back. Ron strongly refused when he saw Fleur there with her date and pulled them closer to the shadows so no one could see them.

"You better hope Snape doesn't find us here, Ronald," Mel whispered angrily.

"Shh!"

"What did you know, 'Agrid?" Madame Maxime was saying.

'I hate this, I hate this, I hate this,' Mel echoed in her mind, eyes fixed on a beetle slowly crawling up the reindeer statue where they were currently hiding.

"I jus' knew... knew you were like me... Was it yer mother or yer father?"

"I — I don't know what you mean, 'Agrid..."

"It was my mother. She was one o' the las' ones in Britain. 'Course, I can' remember her too well... she left, see. When I was abou' three. She wasn' really the maternal sort. Well... it's not in their natures, is it? Dunno what happened to her... might be dead fer all I know..."

"Mel," Harry tried a second time. "Mel, I'm sorry about what I said before, I didn't mean–"

"Are you really trying to do this now?" She hissed. "Shut up!"

"Me dad was broken-hearted when she wen'. Tiny little bloke, my dad was. By the time I was six, I could lift him up an' put him on top o' the dresser if he annoyed me. Used ter make him laugh... Dad raised me... but he died, o' course, jus' after I started school. Sorta had ter make me own way after that. Dumbledore was a real help, mind. Very kind ter me, he was..." Hagrid blew his nose loudly.

Mel jumped and Harry pulled her back quickly, she noticed his hand lingered on her waist afterwards. She didn't try to push it away, for now.

"So... anyway... enough abou' me. What about you? Which side you got it on?"

"It is chilly," Madame Maxime stood up. "I think I will go in now."

"Eh? No, don' go! I've — I've never met another one before!"

"Anuzzer what, precisely?"

The hand on her waist tightened and her shoulders tensed, they were preparing for impact.

"Another half-giant, o' course!"

" 'Ow dare you!" Madame Maxime gasped. "I 'ave nevair been more insulted in my life! 'Alf-giant? Moi? I 'ave — I 'ave big bones!" She stormed off into the castle, after a minute of dense silence, Hagrid walked slowly in the direction of his cabin.

"C'mon," Harry's voice startled her again. "Let's go... What's up?"

"Did you know?" Ron asked. "About Hagrid being half-giant?"

"I didn't," Mel replied.

"No," Harry shrugged. "So what?"

Ron grimaced, he shook his head, pushing them forward. "I'll explain inside, c'mon..."

Mel didn't want to go back inside with them, but the curiosity was killing her and she needed to know, no one talked until they reached a table.

"So? What's the problem with giants?" Harry was the first to ask.

"Well, they're... they're... not very nice."

"Oh, I understand everything now," Mel said sarcastically.

"Who cares? There's nothing wrong with Hagrid!"

"I know there isn't, but... blimey, no wonder he keeps it quiet, I always thought he'd got in the way of a bad Engorgement Charm when he was a kid or something. Didn't like to mention it..."

"But what's it matter if his mother was a giantess?" Harry insisted.

"Well... no one who knows him will care, 'cos they'll know he's not dangerous... But they're just vicious, giants. It's like Hagrid said, it's in their natures, they're like trolls... they just like killing, everyone knows that. There aren't any left in Britain now, though."

"What happened to them?"

"Well, they were dying out anyway, and then loads got themselves killed by Aurors. There're supposed to be giants abroad, though... They hide out in mountains mostly..."

"I don't know who Maxime thinks she's kidding," Harry grumbled. "If Hagrid's half-giant, she definitely is. Big bones... the only thing that's got bigger bones than her is a dinosaur."

"Are we sure is not a misconception like several from around here?" Mel inquired. "Take muggle-borns, for example..."

"Oh no, not at all. Giants are awfully violent and let it very clear during the last war... wonder how Hagrid's dad got one interested..."

"Let's not talk about Hagrid behind his back, all right?" Mel looked around. "More so when there are so many people that could hear."

Five minutes later she was considering to go find the twins and join their table when Harry tried to apologize once more.

"Mel?" He inched just a bit closer. "I'm sorry, I really am– I didn't mean it."

"I know that," She scowled. "You said it anyway, and it hurt."

"That's why I'm sorry," He seemed truly repentant. "I didn't mean to make you cry–"

"I didn't cry."

"I saw your face when we found you," He turned his body, now he was fully facing her. "I felt awful, even before I saw you... I don't want to stop being friends."

"Me neither," She grumbled. "What d'you suggest, then?"

"I want to know if you'll forgive me first," He said with a hint of hope. "Will you?"

Of course she would, she wanted nothing more... She also wanted to yell at him that he had no reason to be so rude. Blimey, why did he have to be so stupid?

"Yes," She glared, "but don't ever talk to me like that again, I'm not the type to take advantage of nice boys and you know it. It's awfully rude, and I have enough of that."

"You won't hear a word of it again."

"Okay... What now?"

Harry smiled shyly. "I can offer you a dance before the ball ends? I know I messed up the last one..."

She could've refused and kept her chin up for the rest of the night, she could've even said she'd rather dance with Goyle than to give him the satisfaction of saying he got to dance a third time with her... but she really wanted to dance with him.

"All right," She stood up and walked without waiting. "Just one. I don't feel like holding hands with you for long periods of time."

"What about short periods of time?" Harry asked, happily following her like a puppy.

"If you find a way to get away with it," She replied with the tiniest smile. "You may certainly try."

By midnight the ball was coming to an end, it wasn't the perfect evening Mel had dreamed of, but it had been nice, even educational. She saw Hermione walked past them without a second glance. Ron had it coming, he and his need to be in a bad mood about everything all the time.

As they started their way upstairs, a voice called Harry. It was Cedric, he rushed over to meet them halfway, leaving Cho Chang at the foot of the stairs.

"Yeah?" Harry asked in confusion.

Cedric looked at Mel and Ron with mistrust, both kids gave him a weird look and kept walking, understanding the message.

"He sure acts like he's worth a lot, the idiot," Ron scoffed.

"Cedric didn't do anything to upset you."

"Cedric?" Ron replied as they got to the second floor. "I wasn't talking about Cedric."

"Then who?"

"Krum! Strutting around the castle, going to the library and talking to Hermione like he has the right to... to interrupt your study sessions."

"Are you jealous?"

He looked scandalized, "Why would I be?"

"I honestly don't know."

The rest of the walk was quiet until they entered the common room, Hermione was waiting for them, arms crossed and a stare that Mel knew all too well.

"Well?" She asked.

"Well, what?"

"Are you going to apologize?"

"Apologize?" Ron gaped. "I did nothing wrong!"

"Yes, you did!" Hermione stepped forward.

"Godric, have mercy..." Mel groaned, walking up to a chair and sitting down heavily.

The Gryffindors that were arriving paid no mind to their argument, most of them were too tired to even notice what was going on.

"I was only telling the truth!" Ron continued loudly. "This has to be another way to get more points on the next task, I don't like it and neither should you!"

"Well, if you don't like it, you know what the solution is, don't you?" Hermione was shaking in anger, her hair was slowly falling down from its bun and her face was getting redder.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Ron yelled back.

Harry arrived then, giving her a puzzled look.

"Just let it happen," She mumbled.

"Next time there's a ball," Hermione continued, "ask me before someone else does, and not as a last resort!" The girl walked out of the place and straight to the dormitories.

"Well," Ron said, blinking a few times in confusion, "well — that just proves — completely missed the point —"

Mel stood up.

"Get over it," She patted his back and went upstairs.

Next Chapter —>

Taglist.

@dee123ksha @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @kylosleftbuttcheek @reverse-hxlland @bloodorangemoonlight @omiwashere @t-rexs-world

#twoidiots writing #hp fanfic #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter xoc #WITT fic

20 notes · View notes

anxious-art-block · 5 years ago

Text

NNT Headcanons I came up with while taking my exams

Demons are intersex, why? Idk because intersex folk don’t get enough recognition(That’s a lie I read a fanfic where Mel was intersex and I’ve now accepted that as canon)

Faeries have traditional Fae and Elven markings on their face and body that they gain when they get their wings(I will never not draw Elaine and Harley without them. Ever)

Faerie wings will not only differ with the Faerie but also with what type of Faerie they are(Like a water faerie’s wings will often have a blue hue to them or will be blue, Harlequin’s wings for example)

Goddesses are the smartest amongst the other clans and races, and were the most technologically advanced until they were wiped out(Think of them as atlantis, like that’s the vibe I'm tryna go for with them)

Giants have markings on their face that resemble dwarvish markings(Imagine Diane with those badass dwarvish arm markings/tattoos, holy fuck that’s hot)

If humans or like goddesses use a Demon spell, their hands will forever be darkened and marked up, like they dipped their hands in ink or smth(Or it would like start out as following the vain, but if they did it enough times THEN it would be like they dipped their arms in ink)

Short hair is common amongst demon men and woman(it seemed fitting ig)

Vampires can do the cliche thing of being able to turn into a bat(Gelda would do it just to fuck with Zel, you know she would)

EVERYONE EXCEPT THE GIANTS, DRUIDS AND HUMANS HAVE POINTED EARS. F I G H T M E

Wow these are like world building hc’s. I’ll move on to the stuff ya’ll care about now

Some of Mel’s many nicknames; Shortcake(By Ban), Melly(By Elizabeth), Hot stuff(By King, as mockery but hey), Bi-lingual(By himself)

Mel and Zel have the Luna and Celestia dynamic, “WHaT dO yOu mEAn yOU leFT iT on tHe cOuNtEr?!” “I thOUGht yOU WeRe brINGing iT!”

Gowther wear’s dresses to formal events. Wait, no that-that’s canon-shit.

Ban and Mel confuse ppl with their dynamic, and everyone’s like “Are they dating, are they besties, do they hate eachother, do they fuck like wHAt”

King will only ever admit that him and Ban are friends while drunk

Elaine whispers snark and sassy comments under her breath and Ban has never been prouder

Arthur has 9 parents, guess who they all are

ZELDRIS YOU’RE LOVED SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU, MAY TROUBLES BE FAR FROM YOUR MIND, AND FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SO B L I N D- ok I’m done

Mel reads the classics, he read Twilight once and sobbed in his room for a full two days out of regret

Did I mention that I think Mel is really fucking smart despite normally only using like one brain cell

No? Well I’m about to

He knows the square root of 546, like just off the top of his head. He was there during a lot of historical events(provided they actually happened in this world idk)

“Mel what does BDSM mean” “Well, Arthur that’s.. Uh” “THE BIBLE DOES SO MUCH for us” “Hm, ok thx merlin.”

Vegetarian Harlequin. You can eat my dick if you disagree

Elizabeth snorts when she laughs, like laugh laughs. She hates it, but everyone else finds it adorable

Everyone? Being? A good? Singer???? Well I mean four(Githunder counts)of them can canonically sing so I mean might as well

No matter the modern au, they all play in a band. No exceptions

#nnt #nanatsu no taizai #seven deadly sins #nnt meliodas #nnt ban #nnt king #nnt harlequin #nnt gowther #nnt arthur #nnt merlin #nnt elaine #nnt elizabeth #i think i got them all

114 notes · View notes

queen-of-deans-booty · 6 years ago

Text

Dream Come True

Characters: Dean Winchester x Reader, Sam Winchester

Word Count: 922

Warnings: just fluff

Summary: You’re kind of a big deal in the hunter community, and Dean doesn’t hide his inner fanboy when he finally meets you.

Squared Filled: Sam Winchester // Fangirl/boy moment

Author’s Note: This is for @spndeanbingo and @spnfluffbingo2019 respectively and this is unbeta’d and any and all mistakes are all on me.

Feedback the glue that holds my writing together

Tags at the bottom

“She’s right there, Sammy. Fucking look at her,” Dean said as he slapped his brother’s arm. If he was an emoji, he would be the heart-eyed one. The one hunter that might be better than the Winchesters was sitting right across the room from them ordering a drink at the bar.

“She’s just a person, Dean. Quit acting like you’re 10 and the popular older girl is talking to you,” Sam scoffed as he looked your way. He must admit he was impressed with the things you’ve done, but he wasn’t going to act like you were some God or something.

“Dude, do you even know who she is? She single-handedly took out 2 nests of vampires by herself and left it without so much as a scratch on her body. She’s been possessed so many times, it’s a wonder why she doesn’t have one of our tattoos on her. She’s fought demons within herself because she believes that it’s better if demons possess her instead of some innocent person. She’s gotten into fights with Angels and the only injury she got was a scratch on the cheek. Monsters hide in fear when they hear her name.”

“Yeah, they do the same thing with us,” Sam interrupted his brother.

“No, Sammy, they challenge us because they think they have a shot at beating us. No, they fucking run and hide at the sound of her name. She’s a fucking goddess,” he said as he admired you as you talked with the bartender.

“Look at you, you’re smitten with a woman who you don’t even know. I’m sure you would have no problem getting her number.”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Dean asked as he tore his eyes from you for the first time that night. “I am not going to treat her like I do with the other women. Those other women I use for a good time for a night or two. Y/N is special. She deserves someone to appreciate her to ravish her body as if they had forever with her.”

“Okay, dude, stop,” Sam grimaced. “I don’t need to hear about your sex life.”

“You asked for it,” he shrugged as he went back to staring at you lovingly. It was true of what Dean said about you. You have done all of those things and more. You are the most known hunter across the whole world. Anyone who has ever hunted or even thought about hunting had heard of you. In your mind, the only reason why you were so tough is because you grew up in the foster system. It provided you with the kind of training that normal households don’t get. The other kids roughed you up, tore down your walls, degraded you, and then tossed you out into the world only to have another family do the same thing to you. The two things you learned from the foster system was that it was you against the world, and to protect those who have less than you. It’s why you got into hunting in the first place. The foster system made it really easy to travel the country to do odd jobs because your homes were scattered throughout the United States.

No one ever taught you anything about the hunting lifestyle. The first time you got into it, a group of demons raided your home and took what they were looking for since your foster mom had gotten mixed up in some of their business. She had made a deal with them ten years prior to become a very successful foster mom, and you witnessed the hellhounds tearing her apart. It’s something that scarred you for life, but it also encouraged you to dig deeper into what happened. Ever since that night, you had been hunting in the way you taught yourself.

There was a lot of trial and error, and more often than not, you came home battered and bruised. The other good thing about the foster system is that they didn’t really care how many bruises and cuts you had--they figured some of the other kids got rough when playing. They usually looked the other way when they saw a kid with injuries. It was a terrible thing to do, but you let that teach you a lesson. You were truly on your own in the world, and you could depend on no one to aid you in whatever you needed. If someone else could do it, then you could do it yourself.

Your whole life you’ve lived by that motto which is why you hated the fact that you were in this bar seeking help. There usually wasn’t a hunt that you couldn’t do on your own, but this one was a big one. As tough as you were, you could not do this hunt alone, so you sought out the second-best hunters in the business which is why you were in this bar.

You heard of the Winchesters through many hunter bars. They were the hot spot for gossip so you were able to pick up on a few things very quickly. They’ve been doing this gig for their whole life, so you knew they were bound to know a few tricks that maybe you didn’t know of. This hunt required all the manpower you could gather, and since you didn't trust easily, you thought the next best hunters would have to do rather than a whole bar of average hunters.

The monster you were hunting was so rare, even veteran hunters thought they were myths. There had been sightings of a Phoenix, and you knew you had to kill it. It would not only add to your rap sheet, but you could cross that monster off your supernatural bucket list. The only problem was that they were so hard to catch and especially harder to kill. Iron hurt the sons of bitches, but they were smart. The only other thing that could kill them was the Colt which you knew the Winchesters had in their possession, and you knew they weren't going to just hand it over to you because you asked. It was better to kill the Phoenix from a distance rather than up close, which is why you needed the Winchesters.

“She’s my dream woman, Sammy,” Dean sighed dreamily.

“Then go ask her out,” he laughed.

“Do I look like I’d be worthy enough?” Dean gasped.

“Do you think you’d be ‘worthy enough’ to talk to her? Because she’s on her way over here,” he said as he sipped his drink. Every nerve in Dean’s body froze up at his comment, and despite staring at you from afar, he could barely look at you as you approached them.

“Sam and Dean Winchester?” you asked.

“Y-you know our names?” Dean sputtered.

“Yeah, I do,” you chuckled.

“Forgive him. You’re like a superstar in his eyes,” Sam teased as his brother kicked him in the shin from under the table.

“Do I really have that honor?” you joked back.

“W-what are you doing here?” Dean asked as he tried to be cool about this.

“I need your guys’ help with a hunt. I hate asking for help, so it’s serious when I do.”

“You’re the best hunter in the business,” Dean started to ramble. “You know how to kick ass even better than I do. Not to mention that you’re amazingly beautiful. It’s bewildering how you can do what you do and still look so good.”

“Thank you, Dean. You’re not so bad yourself,” you complimented him as he blushed adorably. Sam has never seen his brother so speechless over a woman before.

“What kind of hunt do you need our help with?” Sam asked.

“A Phoenix has popped up on my radar. You two are the only ones who have killed one before. I could just ask for the Colt, but I’d rather get the opportunity to work with you two. It’s not every day a woman gets to be in the presence of two handsome men such as yourself,” you flirted. Sam didn’t take it personally, but Dean was a whole different story. He was such a mess over you, Sam smirked when he got an idea.

“We’d be glad to help. We only have two rooms though, but I’m sure my brother is willing to share. I would, but my bed is already so small.”

“Do you mind me sharing a room with you Dean?” you asked. You could have bought your own room, but something about spending the night with Dean Winchester got your inner slut to bounce awake.

“Not at all,” he said breathlessly.

“Great. Oh, and just to warn you, I sleep with only my panties on. Will that be a problem?”

Sam laughed at the look on his brother’s face. If Dean wasn’t supported by the chair, he would have collapsed on the floor.

“Yeah, sounds good,” he barely got out.

“Great. I’ll just bring my ‘59 Cadillac around to the front,” you grinned as you walked away from the brothers.

“I’m marrying her, Sammy,” Dean said with the biggest dreamy eyes he could muster up.

Wanna get tagged? Add yourself to this document! If your tag doesn’t work, find out why!

@akshi8278 @winchesterandpie @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @carribear31 @oreosatmidnight @not-naturalfangirl @iam-a-cutiepie @kristendanwayne @milo-winchester-4ever @jensenackesl @irishmaniac316 @helllonearth @juniorhuntersam @pouterpufftrain @ruprecht0420 @carriemichelle2012 @fandomgirl17 @05spn18 @my-wayward-heroes @onlydeanandjensen @expectosel @redsalv20 @dragonrider10 @designcted @xxtheoutsidersxx @live-like-a-girl @unfortunately-a @waywardrose13 @adoptdontshoppets @focusonspn @whizzer1320 @infinite-supernatural-adoring @babypink224221 @witch-of-letters @essie1876 @kdfrqqg @blackcherrywhiskey @gh0stgurl @mogaruke @li-ssu @musiclovinchic93 @kristaparadowski @mizzezm @thisismysecrethappyplace @the-walking-daryl @sandlee44 @supernatural13-13 @liberty01 @midnightsilver16830 @spnmeanwinchester @notmoose45 @posiemax @shortbty14 @cobrakai1967 @flamencodiva @paintballkid711 @phantomalchemist @gabrielslittleangel @mel-ithilethiel @jennalyncarrigan1230 @whit85-blog @tricksterdean @gabriels-golden-kazoo @emoryhemsworth @menewyn @strayrosesbloom @princessizzy36 @kiwihoee @jennazeise @amotleyworld @kendall-michele @mrspeacem1nusone @ballistic-bailey @graceless-stuff @calaofnoldor @stylesismyhubs @janicho88 @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @shamelesslydean @lizbester @kina666 @megsyrae @lmpala97 @deans-baby-momma @lonelycaffeinateddreamer @screechingartisancashbailiff @thefaithfulwriter @myownsnowflake @xxboesefrauxx @hhiggs @mayaslifeinabox @woodworthti666 @algudaodoce03 @burningcoffeetimetravel

268 notes · View notes

lululawrence · 6 years ago

Photo

lululawrence’s April 2019 Fic List

Click here for previous months’ fic lists

Guess who’s back, back again... I actually wrote that when I drafted this post a month ago and I’m keeping it cause it’s funny ahhaha So this month has been a ride, hasn’t it? I’ve read some amazing fic though, so I’m super excited to talk about it with you! I read quite a few from the Shake Off the Dust collection as well as fics from the beginning of round 2 of @onedirectionbigbang and other various things as I tried and failed to keep up with all the new fic coming out haha We are so blessed to have so much amazing fic. So, without further ado, here are the fics I read and loved this month!

Hazy by @nikogda / nikogda This fic was written for me because I was anxious one day and they saw a post referring to it and they wrote this as a soothing fic for me and lemme tell ya, IT WORKED. It was so soft and... well... hazy. haha I loved it. A great fic to come back to on a rough day, for sure!

Keep Your Hands Up, So I Can See by @goodmorningtoyouuniverse / GMTYUniverse This fic was such a great HP AU! It was enemies to lovers with a touch of misunderstanding and frustrations and just all the good things with cameos by some of our favorite characters from the original series! I loved it very much a lot. It threw me into the world and made me smile quite a bit.

it's in his kiss by @disgruntledkittenface / disgruntledkittenface This is where Maggie took what she wrote through requests on ask and posted them to ao3 for the kiss meme and lemme tell ya! There’s some ships she wrote that I never felt a desire for, and she wrote them so perfectly that I almost started shipping them hahahaa Each chapter is it’s own little world and it pulled me in so entirely that they felt like full fics! How does she do that in such few words? I dunno. But they’re all glorious. Every last one. Defo a great read when things are hard too, i’d read a chapter when I had a moment and it made my busy, stressful days so much better.

Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 I think this one was written for the short fic fest, and I loved it so so much! She describes Harry’s movements as “giraffing about” or something like that and I will never stop laughing about that. Add to it that Harry in the fic legit thought Louis was a mannequin and I just DIE. It’s amazing. Such a silly, fun fic!

Soju (소주) by @gettingaphdinmomo / gettingaphdinlarry This is a Shiall fic that just drew me in. It has such a visual and atmospheric pull to it, like all of her fics do, and it makes you almost feel as if you’re somehow there. I dunno how she does it, but her magic is worked for sure with this fic and I had to just sit there, and process when it ended. A fun, short fic to easily get lost in.

Just Go With It by @rainbowsandlovehl / rainbowslovehl (Larrymateforlife) This fic!!!! Meet Cute heaven! It was light and fluffy and awkward and silly and I loved it so much and for real this Brett character was TOO MUCH. hahahahaha With the added fun of the little jokes like talk of organic guacamole etc and I loved it so much. It was the smile I needed.

All I Want Is To Fall With You by @2tiedships2 / 2tiedships2 Mel keeps posting fics that are so fun! How does she do it? This time the crew takes on a ski trip and Louis has to deal with stupid alphas staying in the same cabin without knowing about it beforehand and of course nothing goes to plan! That’s half the fun, though, right? Besides. The alphas aren’t that bad. haha

Do You Wanna Ride by @phd-mama / phdmama She wrote this fic for @justalittlelouislove and I screamed reading it the whole time. I took so long reading it because I kept stopping to scream and share how uncomfortable I was over the obvious awkwardness and sexual tension and it was just SO SO SO GOOD. The embarrassment just gahhhhhhh I loved it.

Strawberries & Cigarettes by @dimpled-halo / dimpled_halo A year later I FINALLY read this and I loved it as much as I knew I would. I wanted pain, and it gave it to me! It gave me pain and healing and a gorgeous story. It was such a great read, I’m so so happy I finally had the time to dedicate to it because it was just. So much of everything I love.

Let It Down by @red--special / red_special This fic has also been on my to read list for ages and I am also so so happy I got to read it finally! It was such a great fic and so much fun and so sexy and funny and awkward and I wanted to bask in it a little longer. It was so so good. hahahaha I keep thinking about the tattoo and I can’t stop giggling. Just do yourself a favor and read this fic. haha

Like A Siren In The Night by @crazyupsetter / whoknows This is an a/b/o fic that I could not get enough of or read fast enough. It’s historical, though that doesn’t play a major role, and the playing with the world building was SO MUCH FUN to read. The way their relationship developed as well was just DELICIOUS. I loved every second of it.

please forgive me if my lips quake by @disgruntledkittenface / disgruntledkittenface Girl direction! With a cat! I was heart eyes the entire fic and once again, such feeling was evoked in it that I wanted to just sit and enjoy it for awhile longer. Sigh. What pure enjoyment! I loved it.

I was the King (tonight let it go) by @sadaveniren / SadaVeniren I... Okay listen. lollll I didn’t write this obviously, but it felt like such a self indulgent read I almost wished I had? If that makes sense? It was everything I love. I LOVE the emotional side and thought behind BDSM. Like, that’s most of what makes it so so so interesting and fascinating for me to read, and Sada gave that to us with this fic in DROVES as well as the fighting against natural inclinations etc etc etc. It was just a fab fic and I loved so so so much of it.

Failure to Launch by @all-these-larrythings / Rearviewdreamer Michelle has a way of taking things I don’t know about and making me love them so so so much. This film was one that many I knew loved and I felt mainly meh about it, but I knew if Michelle wrote it I would love it, and I WAS RIGHT. She took all the things I was not fond of in the original and twisted them so it still referenced the original source, but made it so much better. I loved it so so so much because it was so very much like the original film, but also very much her own.

Come Home to Me by @pocketsunshineharry / ishiplouis I wanted pain, and pain was what I got. I cried and I kept waiting and waiting for things to come together again and they finally did! But WOW the pain leading up to that! It was amazing how much was harnessed in it. I will say, please beware the tags. Some heavy topics are handled in the fic - including some depression/anxiety etc - so please be safe with that. A great read, though!

fondre ton absence by @scrunchyharry / scrunchyharry OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I just. I’m a sucker for WWI and WWII period anything. It’s one of my favorite periods in history for the social, political, militaristic, just EVERYTHING historically. I find it fascinating and I adore it. I was both excited and wary how this would go then, knowing how much I love it. Well. I cried the entire way through and was in awe of how the time period and everything was handled. It’s an amnesia friends to lovers wartime period-typical homophobia acknowledging fic which basically means it is my dream fic. I cannot rave about it enough, much less the incredible art that was done by @whenthebodiesspeak!!! It was STUNNING and yeah. Just. Amazing. A masterpiece.

An Unbalanced Force by @kingsofeverything / FullOnLarrie MAROLD HAROLD with art by @goodmorningtoyouuniverse! I cried a few times during this one and it was such a realistic and beautiful and comprehensive view of a relationship, of adulthood, of trying to find love again after, just... all of it. It is a study of flawed individuals trying to make do and learning where their lines are and it is gorgeous. I loved it so so so much and I keep randomly thinking about it. A great fic and worth the wait and teasing she gave us over the months! hahahaha

That's What I'm Here For by @taggiecb / taggiecb ANOTHER DREAM FIC, ANOTHER FIC THAT MADE ME CRY! I cannot rave enough about how this big bang has kicked off, like, I just truly cannot. @noellehenry did a gorgeous moodboard for it as well, and I just. Demisexual farmer Louis who has been on his own for so long he just. Hardly knows how to be social anymore and Harry has to come and teach him and I’m about to give away spoilers so I’ll stop but this fic is so close to my heart, okay? I love love love love love it.

To Carry Onward by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry THIS LITTLE FIC!!! I keep yelling, I know. Sorry not sorry. But for real it’s 500 words and just...so full of love and longing and mystery and hope and I cannot. I love Emmu’s words and worlds and this is no exception.

A Spell and A Spark by @dinosaursmate / dinosaursmate It’s out in the world! This fic was everything I needed when I read it. I was having a really rough time, and I would get to the end of those days and get to read this fic and it soothed me, cheered me, and took me away to another world. It was so much fun and just pure joy to read. And then the art that @londonfoginacup made for it! It was such a great combo of writing and art. Another wonderful fic for big bang!

{insert acclaimed artist} was never even in love anyway by underthesunlight This is the first of several fics I read from the Shake Off the Dust collection and it was such a fun read. It was domestic and silly and soft and it made me smile.

Primtemps by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry She’s just so good, isn’t she? I finished this fic and almost immediately went back to the beginning because I wanted to read it again. It’s so soft and you could almost SMELL what she was describing. It was a perfect read of a perfect day and it made me long for the days in the past that I’d had like it. Glorious.

Taking Care of You (Is My Favorite Thing) by @allthelarrylovex / cherrylarry Niam! Not usually my pairing of choice, but I loved it so much. I also very much identified with the shitty allergies aspect of it as I am dealing with that myself at the moment, so it just had me sitting there nodding like IT REALLY DOES SUCK BABES I GET IT hahaha

You Keep Me Warm by @crinkle-eyed-boo / crinkle-eyed-boo (KimmieRocks) I’ve not read Own the Scars yet, but I still read this despite it being a time stamp, and I’m so glad I did. I loved it and it made me smile. It also made me want to read the original, so I can’t wait until I have a chance to!

Love's Gentle Spring by @laynefaire / Layne Faire (HisDarlin) This is also a continuation! It’s a fun addition to her spring drabbles from last year, which are not necessary to read in order to enjoy this, though it does add to the fun hahaha I loved that little series so much and was very very glad she made this addition!

Housewives of Our Lives by @homosociallyyours / homosociallyyours I’ve never watched any of the housewives shows, but that didn’t matter. As usual Megan wrote a fic that had me wanting to be their friend and hang out with them as they did these ridiculous things because it sounded like such fun. I loved it as well.

A Larry Limerick by @kingsofeverything / FullOnLarrie I know this was mostly silly and to be funny, but I enjoyed it so I’m including it here hahaha

sun, here it comes by @louandhazaf / YesIsAWorld and It's been a long, cold, lonely winter by @kingsofeverything / FullOnLarrie I’m putting both of them here, because if you haven’t read them yet you should. They are two sides of the same story, and I fully recommend you read them in the order I listed them too haha I did and it was wonderful and delightful and basically all things good. SO much fun.

just me, him, and the moon by HazHas4Nips This was cuuuuuuute! I don’t even know what more to say, I just keep sitting here and smiling thinking about it. So I guess if you want a fic that makes you smile, this is a great little one.

Spring Break by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 This fic came out of a partially true story and it was so much fun to finally be able to read what Anitra did with it haha I was giggling and loving it so so much the entire way. As usual. Can’t go wrong.

What's Mine is Yours by @uhohmorshedios / yeah_alright This fic is listed as a Narry fic, and it is, but it’s Narry friendship which made me giggle so so so much! hahaha It was so funny and the way Harry was described and Niall’s just...almost annoyance? I can’t even explain. It’s so much fun.

Latching Onto You by @reminiscingintherain / reminiscingintherain This fic is pure fluff. Fluff and silliness and all things sweet and good. I was trying to find the best way to describe it and the first thing that came to mind was it was a bowl of sweet dessert and I finally realized it’s a parfait. It’s got layers, but all of it is sweet and soft and yummy. hahaha SO if that sounds like something amazing in a fic, then you defo wanna give this a read!

Face Your Fears by @sadaveniren / SadaVeniren I’ll be honest, I finished this one around 2 am after a very long day and had to wake up too early again this morning, so I still haven’t fully computed this fic lollll Just know the pain is real, it is glorious, the journey the characters all take and the way Harry and Louis’ relationship grows is so incredible, I just... this fic is everything I’ve wanted in an a/b/o since I started reading a/b/o almost five years ago haha

And that’s my very long fic list from this month! I hope you enjoy them as much as I did if you give them a try. And please remember to leave nice comments and kudos for the authors who work so hard to gift us with these stories! Happy reading :D

#mine #fic list #my fic rec #fic rec #april 2019 fic list #28th appreciation #fic writer appreciation

169 notes · View notes

sukunas-play-thing · 6 years ago

Text

I was Tagged by: @rageyoudamnednerd

Nickname: mel, Targe, Sully, Lil Demon

Zodiac: Virgo♍

Height: 5'0"

Last movie I saw: The Meg. And it was everything my nightmares realized.

Last thing i googled: (i took a screen shot)

I shit you not that really happened^^^

Favorite Musician: oh fuuu. My top Two are David Draiman (Disturbed) and Corey Taylor (Slipknot & Stone Sour)

Song stuck in my head: Alone By Marshmello

Other Blogs: targaryens_blog is only blog

Followers: 31(?) Thank you all I love you very much💜💜💜💜💜💜

Following: 125(?)

Amount of Sleep: pfft what sleep?

Lucky Numbers: don't believe in that.

Dream Job: Song writer, music composer and author.

What Am i wearing right now: funny you assume Im wearing anything;) fuck thats me tryna be funny ig. Iron maiden Tee and jeans.

Favorite food: Cajun Alfredo

Language: english and a little Scandinavian

Can I play an instrument: Guitar (but the spine got fucked up)

Favorite Song: Kilis Lullaby

Random Fact: Me and Ron Perlman Had A meme war on twitter. Don't ask me how we got there.

Describe yourself in aesthetics: dark, witchy, incense, black ink, chalkboard, red roses, smoke, stars, books, candles, sage, sunglasses, ear phones, whiskey, cigarettes, viking horns, tattoos.

Never described myself in aesthetics so forgive me if i did something wrong.

Tag ten people(if they choose to do it is up to them.): @moodyvoid @mirshroom @fanforevery @amechuqueen @mywanderlust-x @stainfuckersofficial @bnha-babes-and-baddies @codenamesazanka @siarlas-s-bliss @one-sleek-noodle

#these are way more fun than facebook tbh #i never described myself in aesthetic before #forgive meh guuuuys #i tired af #imma go eat nachos now

3 notes · View notes

thewarriorgirl · 6 years ago

Text

Snow days

Snow days are awesome. Right now there’s one happening where I live. There’s usually bout 400 people at my school but today there’s enough to fit into a class. AND it’s not even a real snow day. It’s just cold. Most of my friends aren't here. Nobody told me that in middle school even on snow days you have to work!!! *sadness*. But none really cares.

Me and my girlfriend are working on a story. She is doing 1 point of view, and I’m doing another. At least once a week, I’ll probably share a chapter with you. And please, comment and tell me what you think!!!!!!!! Anyway, here is the first chapter.

The Cave of Embers

Chapter 1

I sighed as I made my way down to the cafeteria. Ever since my BFF, Ariane, has moved clear across the country, nothing is the same. She was pretty much my only friend. Cept for Kyle, but of course we can’t be friends in school. Him being a popular jock and all, and me being a lowlife nobody. Anyway, I made my way over to the tiny table in the corner and sat down. No one sat with me. Why would they?

Then, something strange happened. A girl I recognized from biology came over to me. She was dressed in a short black dress with a short black cape. In other words, a rebel girl. I had never considered myself one of them, even though I had similar tastes in clothes, music and books (The Darkness series rocks, BTW). I looked down at myself. Black hoodie with a skull on it, black leggings, gray shoes. Yup, I looked like one of them. Cape girl slid into the chair next to me.

‘Hey.’ She said. ‘You can come sit with us if you want. Like, I mean, I get not sitting with all the elitists in here, but it sucks sitting alone.’

‘Elitists?’ I whispered.

‘Yes, them.’ She said. ‘Thinking they’re better than us, just because they’re filthy rich and don’t care about common people. Their bright colors and really everything about them makes me sick!’

I decided not to mention my former best friend was an ‘elitist’.

‘Ya, I’ll sit with you. What’s your name, anyway?’ I asked.

I regretted asking that as soon as the words left my mouth.Cape girl’s expression turned sour. ‘That was kind of an elitist comment, you know. But you’re new, so I’ll forgive it. My name is Melissa Mae, but that is such an elitist name. You can call me Mel.’

By now Mel had dragged me to her table, which was full of kids wearing black, some with a bunch of piercings.

‘Here,’ She said. ‘This is Norm, Sandy, Kay, Lil, Mara and Tib. Everyone, this is…’

‘Ray.’ I supplied.

‘This is Ray. Now, Ray, you need to know the rules here. Norm, tell them to her.’

Mel pointed at a boy with long black hair, a nose ring and a snake tattoo on his arm.

‘Got it. So, Ray, if you don’t want to be an elitist, you can’t wear bright colours. Black is great, white, gray, brown and beige are fine of you don’t wear too much. No unnecessary talk with elitists, no hanging out with elitists, and, oh, yah, Mel is top dog here. She’s our resident expert on elitists. What she says, goes.’

I felt queasy. I wasn’t sure if sitting with them was such a good idea. But it surely beat sitting alone, right?

That day, after school, I walked home. As I walked past Kyle’s house, he came out. I looked over. He blushed.

‘Hey, Ray. Wanna shoot some hoops?’.

Why was he blushing? That was new. I thought for a moment. Mel and the others would consider him an elitist, but he had been my friend forever.

‘OK.’ I said. ‘Prepare to be crushed.’

‘Ya right’ He answered.

This continued for a few weeks. I dressed in blacks and greys and trash- talked elitists with Mel, and shot hoops with Kyle. Then, one day I invited Mel over.

‘Wanna come over tomorrow? My parents are, like, total elitists, but they’ll be gone.’

‘Well… I don’t have anything planned.’

‘Okay!’.

That night, I cleaned my room. I stuffed anything ‘elitist’ into my closet. I was ready! Unfortunately, Kyle ended up messing it up. As we were walking to my house, he came out.

‘Hey, Ray! Wanna shoot some hoops? Your friend can too.’

‘Why would she want to shoot hoops with an elitist?’ Mel said.

‘Well… she does it everyday…’ Kyle muttered.

‘I doubt that, elitist.’ Mel denounced.

Her words sounded like acid. I was frozen to the spot.

‘No, it’s true. I don’t know what your problem is, but...’ Kyle trailed off.

‘Oh my freaking god!’ Mel screamed. ‘You have the nerve to say that I have something wrong with me when you are a complete elitist!’

‘Mel…’ I said, trying to intervene.

‘Don’t you Mel me! You’re just as bad, if not worse! Pretending that everything is fine! News flash! You’re an elitist like everyone else! Do yourself a favor and stay away from me and everyone else! You’re a disgrace!’

And with that, she turned on her heel and walked away.

‘Kyle.’ I said. ‘ Please, I’m so sorry-’

‘No.’ he said. ‘Shut it, you idiot. I can’t believe I ever… never mind. Go away. Just go. I’m sick of you. Lying to my face…’

And he left, too.

3 notes · View notes

chaneomma · 6 years ago

Note

Hip hop lover, rain, butterfly, boys with fun

Hip hop lover: Three songs that are meaningful to you?

This is a hard choice. Umm. . .

Hello by SHINee, because it was the first Kpop song I ever heard, and Kpop is such a big deal in my life now.

I Can Tell That We Are Gonna Be Friends by The White Stripes, because it’s very nostalgic and reminds me of the really good parts of my childhood.

I’ll Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie, because it’s another song that reminds me of good times when I was younger, specifically it reminds me of dancing at my summer camp’s dance with the first boy I ever kissed.

Rain: Most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

My first tattoo, the Sanskrit word for “forgiveness”, on my hip, which I got like two weeks after I turned 18. I decided at the last minute I was gonna get it on the last day of a trip to San Jose.

Butterfly: Most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen?

The statue of Jesus in front of the St. Louis Cathedral in New Orleans, when it’s shadow was cast against the church by lights at night.

Boys with Fun: You’re going on a roadtrip with seven other people- dead, alive, fictional, real, famous, or not. Who are they and why?

My two friends on here, Mel and Mar, @chittaphongot-my-ass and @peachannies, because the M-afia would be hella fun on a trip. Then we’d take Kim Seokjin, who’s got crazy energy and would be so much fun in a car, our respective loves Bang Chan, Ten of NCT, and Xu Minghao, and then we’ll take Joshua Hong for good measure.

2 notes · View notes

koganphrancis · 7 years ago

Photo

Actual footage of Ian trying to wake up his dick.

Season H8 Episode 3: Where Everything’s Made Up And The Points Don’t Matter

The good(ish) news about this week’s episode is that compared to last week’s, nothing hurt all that much and no groups of innocent people were shamed.

The bad news is-it still sucked. It was written by the evil Krista Vernoff and had very little to do with what had gone on the week before. Ian and Terror, in particular, seemed to have no connection with what happened in the last episode (except we saw a shot of Ian’s shitty tattoo at the end).

Since the demon show is continuing at least one more season, I wish they’d force writers to read the scripts they didn’t write, instead of (I’m assuming) just getting summaries or following general ideas on the white board.

Anyway, almost all the troubles the gang was facing last week disappeared as if by magic-or really crappy script writing.

Svetlana and Vee made up in less than 30 seconds. While I’m glad for Svetlana, what was the point of even having her “impounded” for such a short time? And the authorities are just going to drop the whole sex trade excuse Vee used to have her taken into custody? And I guess maybe this will set up tension when they’re all working together at the bar again-but maybe not? It was dumb.

Kev had a bunch of DNA testing done-um, how are they going to pay for that?-and found out he’s Bart from Kentucky and his family tree only has one branch. Can’t wait to see where this inbred storyline is going (please read that in a very sarcastic tone). Last week’s bears are about to be replaced by next week’s hicks, maybe. Smell that comedy gold!

Youens plowed his car into a house and even that-or the threat of prison-wasn’t enough of a wake up call to try to return to sobriety. (Why is he off the wagon after getting Lip on it? I’m pretty sure Krista didn’t bother to write a reason, or maybe I was so bored I missed it.) The main thing I took away from this part of the story was when Youens says if he had killed the woman in the house with his car, he would’ve gotten 20 years for vehicular homicide. Really? And Mickey got 15 for NOT killing a woman who was shooting at him when the cops showed up? And with no physical evidence or witness testimony that he had tried to kill Sammi? Wow, ain’t that a bitch?

Neil dumped Debbie (something Snore and Terror can’t seem to do with their Gallaghers) and told her she’s a horrible person. When Debbie repeats that to her family, none of them even question it or try to tell her she’s not.

Liam was barely in it.

Frank is all into this mellow “I’m a saint” thing now and it’s just zzzz.

Fiona gets a tenant for the empty apartment, but the evil gf of Nessa is waiting on the staircase in her daisy dukes when he comes out from seeing the place and lies to him about bedbugs so Fi will rent the place to her friends, but for less money. Cuz all these coincidences could totally happen-from her friends needing a place to Mel being on the spot when the one qualified renter comes to see the place. Later Fi goes all South Side on Mel and it was so damn boring. Rumbling over an apartment rental? Yawn.

No Snore in this episode, but Lip does mention how he can’t even take care of Lucas anymore, so I’m betting we don’t see the kid ever again again. It’s no big loss to the show, but it’s so stupid that Snore has no problems/struggles raising a kid on her own.

Carl loses the hot tub (has to sell it for quick cash-or the meth dealer took it-I wasn’t paying close enough attention-he’s there when it’s taken away and he takes Carl’s towel from around his neck and that was actually kinda funny), and somehow (magic?) knows how to drive and operate a backhoe. That someone left the keys in at the cemetery. Krista, how many coincidences am I supposed to swallow? Not to mention the rip off of Ian stealing the helicopter? Get some fresh ideas! You also have had them dig up a dead relative before.

Now for Ian who every week is truly this show’s blank slate. Last week he was acting like maybe he was manic-this week? No sign of that. Things start with a family-except for Fiona-council of war about the drug dealer that’s after them, and we get a new piece of Ian canon-he was a crack (or some other drug that Monica was using-Frank doesn’t specify) baby. Ian tells Frank if he doesn’t help them figure out a way to get out of the shit they’re in with the drug dealer, Ian will take a tire iron to “old Frank”. Frank says, “You’ve been a drama queen since the day you were born, Ian. Wouldn’t stop screaming until you were fully detoxed.” Ian does one of his stunned big blink looks, and the story moves, well not ON, but people keep talking.

Oh, and just a side note, but Ian’s been shown drinking coffee at least twice in the Gallagher kitchen this season, and the cock mug is nowhere to be seen :(

Next scene is Ian walking into Terror’s office area, all cocky. “Brought you that chocolate flavored soy shit you like, then there’s coffee.” (I’m not sure exactly what he says after “like” and Charter/Spectrum cable doesn’t communicate with my TV so the close captioning doesn’t work-don’t get me started on how I have to use different remotes to do different things.) Terror says, “With a side of snark just how I like it,” in the most annoying, whiny voice possible. WHAT is Ian supposed to see in him? And, was that comment all that snarky? And, should Ian be having what’s at least his second dose of caffeine on his meds?

If I’m going to count how many times they needed Mickey in this episode, the meeting about how to deal with the drug dealer was one, Ian and his coffee intake is two, what fucking Terror says next is three...

“Thought you had to work today.” NO! Terror does not know or care about Ian’s schedule! That was a Mickey thing and a Mickey thing only! Ian LIES to everyone else about when he’s at work! And so far in canon, Terror is way too into himself to know where or when Ian ever works. Grrrr.

Ian says, “Soon, yeah. So... that drug dealer that chased me? Can’t seem to shake it off, don’t know what’s wrong with me.” And he says it all small and scared-after walking into the place boasting about his cafe purchases-I don’t like how they keep having Ian’s moods change on a dime-especially since again, I just think it’s bad writing and not trying to tell the audience he’s slipping or anything’s wrong.

Anyway, Mickey thought #4-Ian seems to be acting like if there’s something wrong, Terror will get into being his hero and fixing things for him, LIKE MICKEY USED TO DO ALL THE FUCKING TIME. So, not only so much for “this isn’t me anymore” (which is so hard to take with all this running from killer meth dealers shit), but also WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU CAN’T FIX ME BECAUSE I’M NOT BROKEN? (more of that in a minute)

Terror just smirks at his computer after Ian’s lines and Ian says, “You laughing at me?” Terror answers, “Only cuz it’s still hard for me to tell when you’re joking-are you serious?” And, WTF? When has Ian EVER joked with Terror? “I’m into cock. I’m a top. I don’t want that up my ass. I don’t want to hang out with Monica. I told you I didn’t want to hang out with Monica. I was with Mickey.” Have they had any other conversations? Has Ian ever said anything he didn’t mean to this asshat?

Ian doesn’t answer, just sort of shrugs to answer the are you serious. Terror says, “Wow, well nothing’s wrong with you. I think it’s probably hard for a normal person to shake off a drug dealer chasing them.” Ian says, “Gallaghers are not generally normal humans.” T: Grief can change people. I: What? T: Ah, grief. I mean, your mother died. It changes you. Maybe you should talk to the counselor. (Krista! We went over this ground LAST week and, while that should’ve been Terror’s advice then, it wasn’t, and why isn’t this story going anywhere, ever?) I: (creeplily turns the conversation into a come on) I’d rather talk to you. (Sits up, leans in towards Terror) In fact, I’d rather do something with you that doesn’t involve talking. T: (closing down immediately and going cold) Ah, well, sorry, I’m busy trying to help out at risk youth.

So, yeah, that should’ve been his reaction LAST week-wtf? It’s truly like last week never happened. I wanted Terror to reply to that “I don’t feel like talking” call back in Mickey’s bedroom with, “Bitch, I just got you laid last week! I’m never gonna sleep with you again, so there’s the door.” But, no. And Ian going from “I’m sad, please help it” to seductive or whatever the hell they think it is, is just...OOC and not attractive and as always, their total lack of chemistry makes everything worse. But now that Terror has said no for the millionth time, it’s really coming off as rapey whenever Ian tries.

Then, before he even starts his shift at work, Sue tells him his “uncle” was there looking for him and describes the meth guy, so Ian goes tearing out of the EMT station with Sue yelling after him that he has a shift. If he STILL has his job after this 18th strike or whatever he’s up to...well, I won’t be surprised at all because Shameless has given up on reality more than ever and Gallaghers never get into any real trouble.

There’s the scene at the hot tub with the guy dunking Carl and Ian trying to protect him with the bat, and then there’s another meeting to try to figure out what to do because they only have $9000 left from all the meth Carl sold, so finally they cave and go talk to Fiona and there’s a painful scene where she makes them admit she was right-which in this case she actually was, but in other cases she’s fucked up just as badly as they have-plus I’m NEVER forgiving her for saying Mickey would set a match to Ian’s life-what about what he’s managing all on his own since he’s been back? What about the fact that Mickey did everything he could to always keep Ian safe and happy once he was back from the army? Grrrrr.

Anyway, the family digs up Monica and Krista waves her fairy wand again and has the meth dealer listen to Frank’s reasoning that half the meth belonged to Monica so them coming up with almost half the money is good enough-and that if the meth guy ever goes near his family again he’ll put him in the ground with Monica. Yeah, meth dealers are known for compromising and listening to ownership rights theories. And who wouldn’t be threatened by old broken-down Frank? Eye roll.

Anyway, Ian returns to the cemetery alone to try to put Monica’s headstone back together, but the pieces fall apart and he sits hard on his bum. The camera’s behind him-and his shitty tattoo-so who knows if he’s crying or finally giving in to the fact that she’s dead and gone or what, but I won’t be surprised if he’s now completely over her death and ready to become a brand new man-yet again-next week. Which is the episode where Ian supposedly crosses a boundary with a teen from the youth center. Will his months of no sex except last week’s blowjob lead to him having sex with a teen? Probably not, but cripes, what else could it be?

#Season H8 Episode 3 #Recap #One Terror scene was still one too many #Like Ian couldn't have found a great guy by now #Not that he deserves it after throwing away the greatest guy he'll ever know #But why do we have to keep suffering through angry squirrel face Terror week in and week out?#WHY?

6 notes · View notes

jozalynsharp · 8 years ago

Text

Food Addiction is A Bitch (A Seriously Vulnerable Moment)

Food Addiction shows most prevalent in your physical body but it sows such deep roots into your mental state.

I forget that a lot. Mine is a symptom of my anxiety disorder. This means I feel everything on 11.

Spinal Tap emotions, y'all.

I hear the fight in my head between trying to untangle the mess of intense emotions I feel that are more wishy washy than a presidential campaign and more temperamental than Mel Gibson on a bender; against my better judgement which knows I only reach for the fridge because I want a distraction.

I wish I could claim my recent victories against food addiction, but they’re genuinely due to the oldest fad diet in the book: borderline poverty.

My partner supports me financially while I pursue a dream of being an entertainer. (And my mom always thought I’d be the one paying for the go-nowhere musicians gas because he spent his last $400 to finish a neck tattoo.)

The best way I can show gratitude is to not waste what money my partner gives me frivolously. (Not that I haven’t, but I guess learning to be more responsible is as bumpy a road as fighting addiction.)

Cut to 6 months ago: I would eat fast food probably close to 6-8 times a week. More than half of those I would be bingeing. Netflix don’t know shit about a binge. Watching a whole season of Friends has never made me get physically ill. Unless I really start to look for minority actors. It’s hard. Even for the extras. It’s like Where’s Waldo, but harder because most minorities don’t dress in a cross between Freddy Kruger, Santa Claus and some old fashioned PJs.

Cut to the last 6 months: I eat fast food maximum 4-6 times a month. Some of you may think, wow that’s not really better. But for someone who’s specific flavor of addiction is country cooking and fast food, it’s huge. Country cooking is like my street heroin and fast food is my black tar. Hand me a rubber band because I’m about to chase the dragon with the Hamburglar and whatever weird algorithm Taco Bell uses to scramble ingredients into different combinations.

I imagine they just take Tex-Mex buzz words, throw them in a Yahtzee cup, and toss them on the middle of the boardroom conference table.

“Twisted Chipotle Steak Egg Breakfast Quesarito” “Another winner boys! Send it to product development and let’s all go smoke cigars paid for with profits from our restaurant where most meals are bought by change that smells like a VFW because it came from a decade old car ashtray!”

This small change has changed a lot for me. I have lost weight, my physical and emotional appetites have lessened, and I’m cooking more at home. I actually can recognize the cravings in my body for what they are now. A gap in nutrition. I more often reach for the healthier option than I have in the past 10 years of my life. Now when I do eat fast food my orders aren’t binge worthy, and I never finish what I do order. Lord forgive me for wasting food. I know people are starving all over the world but if I start thinking about that too much I might relapse out of crushing guilt, and start bingeing again so epically I’d put a big dent in the available food for those people.

Today was hard.

We woke up to find our family dog, Elvis, was having difficulty breathing. I thought we were for sure going to lose him. We aren’t out of the woods yet either. Elvis is currently in the hands of our very talented vet. And he’s improving but she found some more health issues that could drastically shorten his life even if he does stabilize over the next couple of days.

My mother gave me Elvis when he was 6 weeks old to mend a broken heart and he could fit in the palm of my hand. I love that dog. I wasn’t always the best dog mom due to immaturity and a lack of a sense of responsibility, but I always loved him. I handed him over to my mom when I realized I wasn’t and couldn’t give him the best life he deserved. My parents took him in and absolutely spoiled him. He was my step-fathers comfort when my mom had to travel extensively for work, he was my moms little cuddle buddy and the baby she has been pestering me about but knows I’m not giving her anytime soon, and he even stayed with my grandparents at one point who adore him wholly. He is a part of our family.

I cried for three hours today at the thought of losing him. It was a hard day for me. It’s hard for me now typing this.

At hour two my brain started prickling. And I could feel those thoughts that addicts have. It’s not a clear thought. It’s like someone whispering behind a curtain. You don’t know what words they are saying but you feel the intention of what they want you to do in your bones.

I wanted to eat. I wanted to eat until I was in such pain I could only focus on that. Until my body started to shut down from massive insulin spikes and poor glucose levels and just general shock.

If anyone reads this some of you may be disgusted by that. That’s another great thing about bingeing. You are so disgusted with yourself by the end of it you are completely numb to all other emotions. I mean if you do it right. I’m like at least a Junior Olympian level binge eater. Like Nike would never sponsor me but New Balance might send me some free swag.

I wanted to eat.

And I did. I got Jack in the Box. About 2/3 of the portion I’d normally binge on. I ate.

And I couldn’t finish it all.

To see food left over in a meal for a food addict is almost off putting. I kept staring at it and listening to the war of my addiction screaming in my head to finish it and my stomach being like “Bro, we talked about this. Me and the colon are done with your shit. Here’s some chemicals to make you feel more full than you’ve ever felt.”

The food looked gross to me.

I tried to start a binge again later that night when my anxiety started to peak. I didn’t even finish half of the food.

And then it dawned on me.

Duh. Idiot. Addiction is chemically based in YOUR BRAIN.

For 6 months I’ve been fueling my body more often than I abuse it. And after 10 years that’s the longest I’ve done that for consistently. My body can no longer support the bingeing. My body doesn’t want the bingeing.

My brain does.

But my brain can’t compete with a shrunken stomach, an altered palate, and 6 months of waking up every day 25% with the intention to make a better choice, and 75% because not a value menu in the world is affordable for me right now.

I hope this realization clicks something in the back of my head over and I can change intention from 25% to 100%. I will power forward as if it did. Maybe manifest destiny or The Secret will be on my side. Or maybe some kind of self induced placebo effect. Whatever it is, hopefully it works.

I know I’ll fail again. And again. And again unto infinity.

But I think what I’ve learned this year and what’s really sunk in for me for the first time:

Tomorrow is a new day, and you are the only person with the power to make it a better one than today.

Food addiction is all in my head but unfortunately so is mission control for my body. This journey will be full of mistakes but just acknowledging the demons lurking around in the dark corners of your brain can do wonders for your perspective on yourself. And can give you hope.

Once you shine a light on the boogey-man you realize he’s actually just a shitty lopsided coat rack in the corner of the room.

TL;DR: Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

#addiction #food #foodaddict #food addiction #mental health #mental illness #mental disorder #dog #family #coping

3 notes · View notes

angeleyesandfaerielullabies · 8 years ago

Note

All of the questions ;)))))) you'll never know who this is ;)))) ya know cause I'm on anon ;))))))))))))))

Sammy, I know it's you. You aren't being discrete at all1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?Yes, many of them actually, they're everywhere, along with the people who are both or neither, everywhere I turn, they're there 2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?No. 3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17."An off day isn't a cocktail issue." 4: What’s something you really want right now? A girlfriend 5: Are you afraid of falling in love?HAHAHAHHA  6: How can I win your heart?Listen to me and try to understand what I'm saying and shit and give me compliments and books and cuddles and just don't be obnoxious  7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?No 8: What’s the background on your cell?On my lock green it's a bunch of cactiOn my home screen it's a great picture by Sophierosebrampton (that's her Instagram name) and it's a girl with only underwear on and a crop top that says "not ur babygirl" on it and shows the bottom of her boobs (it's a really great drawing and she's a really cool artist, I highly recommend you check her page out) 9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?My bed??? That's it's??? Idk??? 10: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?Probably not 11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?Hell no 12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?I don't know 13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?Rottweiler 14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?Emotional 15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?Both 16: Are you tired?All the time 17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?Seeing as my 1st phone contact was my mother, I'd say I've known her for awhile, although, I could be wrong  18: If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?2014-2015 (all of 8th grade including the summer before and half of the summer after) 19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?Maybe 20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?HAH 21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?Ehhhhhhh, I don't know, probably not, I'm not big on the whole marriage concept  22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?HAH 23: When was the last time you were disappointed?I am disappointed literally almost 99.9% of the time sooo 24: Is there a certain quote you live by?"Fuck you, Fuck you, and ESPECIALLY Fuck you" 25: What’s on your mind?Nothing 26: Do you have any tattoos?No 27: What is your favorite color?Green 28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?I'm done with these kissing questions  29: Who are you texting?No one  30: Are you superstitious about anything?Yes 31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?Yes 32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?Yes 33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? No 34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?No because although my entire family swears that I have hazel eyes but that they just lean more towards brown than green, they are actual shit stains and the only time you can even see the apparent green is when I cry and that happens like never 35: What was the reason for your last breakup?He made a rape joke and so I decided to cut him out of my life 36: Were you single on Valentines Day?Yes 37: Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike.Fuck you. 38: What do your friends call you?Melissa or Mel or Asshole 39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?Yes 40: Have you ever cried over a text?Yes 41: Where’s your last bruise located?My arm 42: What is it from?Tubing 43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?Every second of everyday so I guess the last time would be right now  44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?My uncle 45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?Yes 46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?No 47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?No 48: Do you make supper for your family?Who the hell says "supper"??? (Sammy probably does) And I make food all the time for my brother and I  49: What’s the toughest decision you made this year?To live  50: Top 3 web-pages?Idk 51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?Yes. Me. 52: Does anything on your body hurt?Yes 53: Are goodbyes hard for you?No 54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?Water 55: How is your hair?Wtf kind of question is this??? It's a wavy/curly, frizzy, tangled, knotted, thick af, super annoying Mess 56: What do you usually do first in the morning?Lay in bed contemplating the universe  57: Do you think two people can last forever?No 58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?I don't even remember what I was talking about two minutes ago but you want me to remember if I was single in January 2007??? Fuck off 59: Green or purple grapes?Both 60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?Never 61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?Yes 62: What did your father teach you?Fuck off. 63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?I don't freaking know  64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.Idk 65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?No 66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?Yes 67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?No 68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?I didn't go to bed last night so joke's on you 69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Yes 70: How many windows are open on your computer?None 71: If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first?A good life 72: What is your ringtone?Idk 73: How old will you be in 5 months?The same age as I am now  74: Where is your Mum right now?I don't know and I don't care  75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?Because I have never actually really felt love before  76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?Yes, my brother because he can't Ross the street by himself for shit 77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?Sure 78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?No 79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?Yes 80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?No 81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?Idk 82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?No 83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?No 84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?I would never get drunk and I would never yell at people no matter how physically attractive I found them so fuck you 85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?Probably not but maybe 86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?Idk 87: Who was your last received call from?My uncle  88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?Yes because I hate butterflies  89: What is something you wish you had more of?Money 90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?No 91: Do you sleep with your window open?No 92: Do you get along with girls?Sure 93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?No 94: Does sex mean love?No 95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?HAH 96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?HAH 97: Did you sleep alone this week?Yes 98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?Yes 99: Do you believe in love at first sight?Not really 100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?My brother

1 note · View note

fourteenacross · 8 years ago

Note

Hmmmmm Johns perspective from the phone conversation with his father in I saw the whole story unwind?

chapter in question.

John is doing okay in Morristown. Really. Truly. He wasn’t sure he would be at first; after the high of defying his father wore off, he was terrified that he’d be out on the street within a week. He’s done well, though. He has friends. His work is highly regarded by his mentor. He’s working enough jobs to keep himself financially afloat. He has Alex. And he misses his sisters sometimes and he even misses his dad and Henry sometimes, but that’s the cost of all the other wonderful things in his life. He tries not to think about it too hard. It’s easier to deal with if he doesn’t think about it.

Of course, it’s easier not to think about it when his father isn’t calling his phone at nine o'clock at night on a random Monday.

A million devestating scenarios fly through his imagination. One of the kids hurt, one of the kids dead, a fire at the house, someone has cancer…the list spirals on and on in the two seconds between looking at the sceen and turning to Alex, hands shaking.

“I…have to take this,” he says. “If only out of morbid curiosity.” Alex looks confused, of course, so John shows him the phone, the picture of his father’s face with Dad displayed over it.

“Shit,” Alex murmurs. John takes a deep breath, then hits accept and puts the phone up to his ear.

“Are Martha and Mellie and Henry okay?” he asks immediately. That’s his biggest concern, his worst nightmare–one of the kids getting sick, getting hurt, and John being hundreds of miles and a world’s worth of estrangement away.

“Good evening, John,” his father says, all calm and collected, and John breathes a sigh of relief. He’s seen what his father is like when one of them is hurt, and there’s no way he’d be this cool if that were the case. Of course, that means he’s back to square one with why his dad is on the phone in the first place. “I’m going to be out of the country tomorrow and I wanted to make sure I wished you a happy birthday.”

A happy–he blinks rapidly. Maybe he’s the one who’s injured. Maybe he hit his head.

“Okay, uh, thanks, I guess?” he manages to say. Inside, he’s asking a million questions, imagining a million scenarios that would lead to such a cordial message.

“I told you when you chose to leave,” his father says. “You’re still my son, even if you continue to make these choices. I still care about you. And I’m still happy to welcome you back home when you’re ready to come to your senses. Or if you need help, of course.”

John grits his teeth. Only his fucking father would call to gloat on his fucking birthday of all things. “No, surprisingly, everything is fine. I can, as it happens, take care of myself and it turns out I’m even pretty good at it.”

Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration. He’s…managing. But he has Alex, he has his work, he’s even sort of mostly happy for a surprising amount of the time. Things could be worse. And there’s no reason for his father to think he’s anything but ecstatically carefree.

“I know you don’t believe it, but that’s good to hear,” his dad says.

The worst fucking part of it is that he does believe it. His dad is an asshole but he’s still his dad. He’s cold, sometimes, and distant and awkward and stubborn and mean, but he also read John stories growing up and went to all his baseball games and bragged about John to his friends.

And it’s not like John doesn’t deserve the slow decline of their relationship after he…well. After.

“I trust you’re taking care of yourself?” his father continues. “Eating well, sleeping well, exercising, spending time with your peers?”

It’s like his dad has a fucking checklist he’s going down. “Yeah, yeah,” he mutters. “I have a boyfriend. You’d hate him.”

His father snorts. “I don’t doubt it. Let me guess–a tattooed biker college-dropout anarchist?”

John almost laughs. He forces the laugh down. His dad doesn’t deserve to know he still laughs at his jokes. “No, he’s a poor orphan Latino parapsychologist with a temper and a mouth. I’m pretty sure you’d murder each other if you were left in the same room together for more than a minute.”

Plus, it’s possible his dad will hate the truth even more than he hates his worst-case-scenario imagined son-in-law. Alex is watching with interest and John offers him a small smile.

“I see. I imagine you must have a checklist you take out to bars to ensure you’re rebelling hard enough.”

John swallows another laugh. It’s so much easier to hate his dad when he’s a distant caricature of an enemy. “No, I didn’t purposely choose him because I knew you’d hate him, but it’s a nice bonus,” he says.

Alex makes a face and John makes a face back. Alex is right there, inches away from him. No matter how this phone call ends up going, he can immediately fall into his support system the moment he hangs up. He’ll be okay, no matter how this keeps playing out.

“That’s fine,” his dad says. “I suppose it doesn’t matter what I think anyway–I married your mother, after all, against my father’s wises. As long as he treats you well and he loves you, I can’t ask for more.”

A lump is starting to form in John’s throat and, fuck, why did he pick up this call? The guilt is starting to inch in now, the reminder that his father loves him, that his father has taken care of him for twenty-one years and John chose to throw all of that away just to chase ghosts and fuck around with cameras.

But that’s not the whole of it. He knows that’s not the whole of it, even as his brain tries to gang up on him, tries to shove him down into those sticky, lonely dark thoughts. There’s nuance. Things were never perfect.

And, Alex. He has Alex now. He never would have met Alex if he had pushed down this part of him and been the good boy his father wanted.

It’s wrong and it’s messed up and it’s unhealthy and he needs better coping skills, but Alex is everything to him. He’s worth everything.

“He does,” John manages to say to his dad.

“Good. I’m happy for you. I hope he’s good for you.”

John takes a long, slow, measured breath before he says something he regrets. He almost wants to take Alex’s hand, but he’s not that desperate. Not yet, anyway.

“And how’s everyone back home?” he says, clearing his throat a little.

“I think if you really cared how things were back home, you wouldn’t have left. If you’re that curious about their health, perhaps you can check Facebook, since you don’t want to see them.”

Right. Right. Fuck. Right.

Yeah, his dad is the guy who read him stories and taught him how to throw a baseball and comforted him through his coming out, but he’s also the guy who told John in no uncertain terms that if he was going to throw away his chance at law school admission, he was throwing away the rest of his financial support, too. He’s still the guy who said to his baby sister, “Say goodbye to John, Mel-bell, I don’t know when you’ll get to see him again.”

“Thanks, Dad,” he spits out before the anger gets too overwhelming for him to speak. “I appreciate that. Well, this has been fun, sorry this isn’t going to be a phone call where I come crawling back to you. We should do this again at Christmas. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

“John–” his father starts to say with a long-suffering sigh, and John hangs up before he can get anything else out.

He stares down at the phone in his hand, trying to get his thoughts in line. To think he felt bad for his father. To think he felt guilty about leaving.

Fuck.

He can feel Alex hovering beside him, and he looks up, forcing a smile.

“My dad continues to be a fucking prick, if you were wondering. Just calling because he’s going out of town tomorrow and wanted to check in for my birthday.”

“That’s…not nice,” Alex says slowly. He looks concerned and curious both, a blend of questions he’s not asking flitting across his face.

“Well, where the definition of ‘check in’ is more like ‘see if I’m ready to beg for forgiveness and then gloat if that’s the case,’” John says. Something like understanding peeks through Alex’s curiosity. “He wouldn’t even tell me how my siblings were doing–he said to check Facebook if I was suddenly so interested in their health. Fuck him.”

“Sorry, man,” Alex says. He places a tentative hand on John’s arm, and John leans heavily into the touch. Encouraged, Alex puts an arm around him and adds, “He’s an asshole.”

“Yeah.” John sighs, a long, tired exhale, and sags against Alex’s side. He’s an asshole, alright. And one day, John is gonna stop falling for his shit.

#timestamp meme #they call themselves the trash of the thing #fic by me #john laurens #laurens family stuff

20 notes · View notes