#forgetting or dreading the idea of swallowing pills so bad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jenanigans1207 · 4 years ago

Note

MatchaBlossom hc: Since Cherry's other arm is still injured, he trusts no one else but Joe to touch his hair and Joe helps him tie it up into a ponytail. Joe teases him about it, but he has this soft smile on his face the entire time.

Yes yes yes because this goes perfectly with my hc that Joe has to help Cherry wash his hair now, too! And I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!

—

They don’t talk about it. It’s one of those things that doesn’t really need to be talked about anyways, but they wouldn’t talk about it, even if they needed to.

Ever since Cherry’s injury, he’s been unable to return to work. In fact, until very recently, he’d been unable to leave the hospital. Well, what the doctors didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them and he was there every morning when they came to check on him again. What he did at night was a secret between him, Joe and the stars.

But now that he’d been officially released from the hospital and put (begrudgingly) under Joe’s care— the doctors refused to discharge him until they knew he had someone to look after him and there wasn’t anyone else he’d ever call for something like that— he spent even more time at Joe’s restaurant.

During the day he mostly stayed in his own apartment, pretending not to be home when people knocked on his door with well wishes and meals to help him recover. He honestly couldn’t even remember what excuse he’d given to the rest of the world for how he’d ended up in such a bad state. All he knew was that it definitely wasn’t the truth.

Not that it mattered, anyways. The truth was a story that Cherry would be happy to forget, happy to drown in a goddamn glass of wine if Joe would just give him one.

“Doctor’s orders.” Joe shrugged, placing a glass of water down in front of him, a small pill on the counter next to it. “No alcohol until you’re off your medication.”

“I’ll be fine—“

“Kaoru.” The use of his real name stops Cherry in his tracks and he grumbles, shooting Joe a venomous glare that Joe completely ignores.

“Fine.” Cherry finally relents, reaching forward for the pill with his only good arm. He places it on his tongue before taking the glass of water and swallowing both down. “Happy?”

Joe makes some dismissive gesture like he doesn’t care but it’s abundantly clear that he does. He stays stubbornly in his spot, staring at Cherry and making pointed looks at the remaining water in the glass. The doctor had said the medication needed to be taken with an entire glass of water. Figures the only time Joe would actually listen to instructions is when Cherry doesn’t want him to.

Just to get Joe off his back, Cherry downs the rest of the water in one go and sets the cup back down, purposely avoiding the smug smile on Joe’s lips. Instead he focuses his attention on his hair, reaching across his body to try and tuck some of it over his shoulder.

His hair has always been one of his favorite things and he’s never minded managing it before. But having one arm makes managing this much hair borderline impossible. He can barely manage to brush it all, the longer pieces on his injured side nearly out of his reach by the end. He’s managed to struggle through it but hasn’t been able to get it out of his face for nearly a week and was really dreading washing it again. At least at the hospital, the nurses had been kind enough to assist him in washing it and putting it up.

Absorbed in this, Cherry doesn’t even realize that Joe’s no longer standing across the counter from him. It’s not until he feels gentle fingers threading through his hair that he has any idea.

“What are you—“ He startles, turning as much as he can to find Joe standing behind him.

“I can’t put it up if you keep moving like that.” Joe replies, gently pressing on Cherry’s shoulder to face him forward again.

“I don’t need you to put it up.”

“Yes you do.” There’s no malice in it. It’s just a simple statement, an observation. It’s true, too, as much as Cherry hates it. “You need me.”

And that is the teasing Cherry had been expecting. “I absolutely do not. Don’t be so full of yourself.”

“No?” Joe drops the strands of Cherry’s hair that he’d been gathering. In the reflection of the glass cabinet on the other side of the bar, Cherry can see Joe holding his hands up in mock surrender. “Okay, then. You do it.”

“You are insufferable.” Cherry replies, but he makes no moves because he already knows he can’t put his hair up on his own. He’d tried in the hospital.

“It wouldn’t kill you to admit you need me.”

“It might.” Cherry huffs. “It’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”

Joe laughs at that, completely unbothered, and then his fingers are in Cherry’s hair again, unbearably gentle as they gather the hair together into a ponytail that Cherry has been longing for. “Your pride will be the death of you, not me.”

“Your pride will be the death of both of us.” Cherry shoots back. He’s watching the scene unfold carefully in the cabinet, watching how much thought Joe puts into gathering and smoothing his hair, that tiny intimate smile on his lips the whole time.

That tiny smile that Cherry has only seen when they’re alone together. That tiny smile that Joe seems to reserve for him and him alone. The one that makes Cherry’s heart flip in his chest every time he sees it. And now he’s seeing it while Joe tends to him with more care than Cherry has ever seen him handle anything, teasing him the whole time. And now Cherry’s heart just aches.

“If it weren’t for me, your hair would just turn into a mess.” Joe says as he holds a hand out over Cherry’s shoulder. “It would just be a nest. Honestly, you owe me.”

It takes a second, but Cherry finally relents, holding his good hand up to expose the hair tie on his wrist that he knows Joe is asking for. Joe huffs out a quiet laugh under his breath as his fingers ghost over the sensitive skin on the inside of Cherry’s wrist, the rough edge of his fingertips just grazing Cherry’s already racing pulse. It takes everything in him not to shudder at the touch, not to let his eyes flutter closed.

The tension in the room seems to triple as Joe finishes tying Cherry’s hair up, his fingers moving deftly around the hair tie. Once he’s done, his fingers graze down the back of Cherry’s neck until his hand is cupping it, warm and strong and firm.

“There,” Joe finally says, his voice rough hewn around the edges. A little ragged, almost, breathless.

Cherry should say something back, should thank him, but the words are stuck somewhere around the lump in his throat. Instead he reaches up to brush his fingers against Joe’s, the most he can do. But he sees Joe’s small smile in the reflection and he knows that Joe feels it, somehow.

“It’s messy.” Cherry replies instead, the words nearly choked off. Joe rolls his eyes but squeezes his neck so Cherry knows that he understands the unspoken gratitude.

“I’m just working with what I’ve got.” Joe’s fingers slide off of Cherry’s neck finally, dancing across his shoulder as it goes. “Even Picasso couldn’t make a masterpiece out of shitty paints.”

Cherry makes an indignant sound, swinging an arm around but Joe is already out of his reach. “Shitty—?”

And just like that, everything is back to normal. Joe’s on the other side of the counter, back to whatever he’d been doing before, rambling on about Cherry being too blind to tell how he looks, despite all four of his eyes and Cherry is smiling despite himself, feeling a bit more normal for the first time in awhile.

#matcha blossom #matchablossom #okay idk if I did their bickering right #but this was soft #and I enjoyed writing it #I hope you enjoy it too!#sk8 #sk8 the infinity #sk8 spoilers #spoilers #sk8 the infinity spoilers

121 notes · View notes

mysimparchive · 4 years ago

Text

TITLE: If You Spend The Night I’ll Loose My Mind

SHIP: Twice/Mr Compress Jin Bubaigawara/Atsuhiro Sako

RATED: T

SUMMARY: When Jin shows up at Atsuhiro's stoop at 3 in the morning, does he really have the best intentions in mind? Atsuhiro suspects being alone is more than Jin can deal with at the moment, even if all he really craves is silence.Prompt: Twice and Compress spend the night together after experiencing something traumatic

ADDITIONAL INFO/WARNINGS: Includes references to pain killers and alcohol, improper use/abuse of illicit substances. Big focus on the fact that Compress only has one arm. References to Magne’s death

AO3 Link

Full story under the cut

It was past three in the morning, and there was someone knocking at his door.

A part of Atsuhiro had a feeling of what- or rather who -was responsible for that knocking. Among his ring of associates, the list of suspects was fairly limited. It did not stop the dread forming in his gut. He was not still awake at this hour because he wanted to entertain company.

As such, he sat still for a moment, taking a calming breath. See, he’d only just lowered himself on to the compact couch in the small but tidy living area of his similarly compact loft. There was a tall glass of water and a vivid orange pill bottle sitting on the coffee table in front of him. His hair was damp following a shower, and he was clad in a bathrobe as the ordeal of undressing, showering, and renewing the bandages around his missing arm had collectively caused a bit of a headache. He had not been mentally willing to go through the ordeal that was attempting to properly clothe himself again one handed and in miserable pain. Meanwhile, the robe had been hanging on a hook so conveniently near..

Another series of raps against the door, this time more persistent.

He sighed again and stood, sliding towards the door, and peering through the peephole even if it felt like a redundant gesture. He closed his eyes in sharp irritation, and quickly moved to open the door with his missing arm. Ignoring the throb of pain in his severed limb, he tried again, this time with his right.

It swung open, revealing Jin, who other than the blatantly obvious Twice mask covering his face, was in his civilian clothing, hands in his pockets, staring at his feet guiltily. It was almost as if he hadn’t been the one pounding at his door with the incessant beat of a maniac at an underground rave, and when Atsuhiro finally opened the door he just happened to be standing there. Coincidentally.

“Come inside,” Atsuhiro said urgently, granting Jin a pathway to shuffle through the doorway. He would hope to the powers that be that all of the neighbors reamined asleep and unperturbed by the sound issued by his colleague’s slamming fists. Hoping that no one had witnessed the nationally recognized visage of a League of Villains member standing at his doorstep.

“It’s three in the morning, Jin” Atsuhiro accused somewhat pointedly. Given the hour, and the day he was having thus far, he had more trouble than usual keeping the annoyance from seeping out.

“Really?” Jin mumbled first, then added slightly more expressively, “ Not like you were sleeping anyway. ”

Atsuhiro’s jaw clenched and he braced himself, willed himself to keep calm.

“You can’t just show up here like that,” he gestured at the mask.

He didn’t wait for a response, just strode back towards the couch, the left sleeve of his robe flapping emptily as he moved. He snatched up the pill bottle which had been resting nearby. Something for the pain , Giran had promised and for once there was not a trace of that teasing sleeze in his voice. Instead, there was something akin to actual sympathy that had sent an inexplicable blot of anger coursing through Atushiro.

Now, he was standing in his suffocating living room, dutifully ignoring his uninvited guest, and struggling to get the lid off said pill bottle with only one hand to aid him in the task. That was when Jin's shoes suddenly faded into his line of vision, and a hand landed on Atsuhiro's. Somewhat clumsy fingers eased the bottle free of his own clammy hand, and opened the cap with such a practiced ease, it felt like a smack to his face.

Jin handed back the bottle, again something apologetic about the gesture.

"Thank you," Atsuhiro said quietly after a beat.

The rest of the process went relatively smoother. It was easy enough to fish out one of the capsules buried inside, and wash it down quickly with the water from his glass.

He’d closed his eyes as he’d swallowed the pill, leaning slightly against the arm of the couch. For a moment, all he could fixate on was the sensation in his fingers. Those in his left hand, as if it too was brushing up against the fabric of his furniture to help him balance. There was a ghostly pinch in the tips of those extremities. As if the blood flow had paused momentarily and now it was picking up again.

Brown eyes fluttered open to land on Jin’s mask. There was usually at least one mask between the two of them in these moments. More often than not, it was his own. Tonight he was the vulnerable one, leaving every crease and dark shadow under his eyes exposed to Jin’s probing stare. If only the damn pain pill would kick in faster.

A third sigh.

“Why are you here?”

Jin continued to shift in that sorry way before finally speaking, “I thought someone should check in on you. Make sure you’re okay.”

It was a trying situation and the miserable note in Jin’s voice had him second guessing the rapid irritation pounding in his head. Of course, Jin’s intentions were always good ones. That was the common thread between all of these encounters. Except that he felt the motivation didn’t just end there.

If he had to warrant a guess this was just as much about Magne as it was his arm. If not more so. There was a pang in his chest at the thought.

“So… How are you?” Jin said when it became apparent that Atsuhiro would not be leading this conversation.

“I’m tired , Jin, it’s three in the morning,” he repeated as if it hadn’t been pointed enough the first time he’d brought up the fact.

“Oh yeah..”

A more mannered guest would take the hint and leave. Atsuhiro didn’t believe that Jin was as oblivious to these cues as he often pretended to be. If he wasn’t leaving now, it wasn’t because he misunderstood. It was because he didn’t want to be alone. And that deep seated longing for company outweighed his fear of coming off as a rude nuisance. Atsuhiro was apparently the only wimp in their team that couldn’t kick his sorry puppy-dog eyes to the curb.

Even in this state.

He fixed another look at Jin, catching on to a subtle tremmor coursing through the other man. A symptom of stress he hadn't noticed before too preoccupied with his anger, his pain, his need to get the damn cap off the pill bottle.

After a moment Atushiro broke the silence.

“Top left cabinet in the kitchen. Fetch me what you find.”

….

The spirit the two of them were sharing, plus whatever the hell Giran had slipped him, nearly had Atsuhiro forgetting he’d ever had arms at all. His head was spinning out in this awfully heady way. Or was that just the late night hour? He hadn’t slept in what felt like days.

The only solid in that moment had been Jin’s shoulder beneath his head.

Jin was talking to Atsuhiro, telling him a story. Or was he simply arguing with himself? It was difficult to keep track. Meanwhile, Atsuhiro’s glazed eyes were fixed on the satin sleeve where it hung flatly off the edge of the couch cushions.

“--She punched the damn thing out of my hand, and I thought the crash was gonna wake up the entire league. I wasn’t worried at all! And then she told me that waffle irons aren’t actually meant for waffles, they’re supposed to be used for sandwiches. I’m not a gullible guy-- I’m so fucking gulible . Shut up-- And, and for a minute I actually believed it because of the look on her face. She’s always so full of shit-- Was full of shit, asshole-”

The speech had abruptly cut off. Atsuhiro’s brain realized with only partial dely.

He shifted from his languid position, staring up at Jin. Only the lower half of the man’s face was exposed. The skin tight mask rolled up to the bridge of his nose so as to ease the drinking process. And he’d drank like it was his last night on earth, pounding back shot after shot of amber liquid, far out pacing Atsuhiro who was still somewhat aware that mixing even one shot with the Giran-pill had been a bad idea. This thought had briefly occurred to him as he’d poured a second glass after what felt like hours, but had likely been barely fifteen minutes later.

The visible half of Jin’s face was pale and unshaven. His previously flapping mouth had transformed into a thin trembling line.

“Enough,” Atsuhiro commanded softly, “Come here.”

He moved first, assisting Jin to fall into his chest. Slowly the man folded inward, the quake in his shoulders returning and vibrating against Atushiro’s body. He wrapped his available arm around Jin, hand landing at the base of his neck to card fingers through the stiff blonde locks.

….

At some point in the night Jin had stopped crying and began laughing.

At which point, Atsuhiro had pressed his lips against the other man’s cracking ones.

Something about that maniacal sound had been even more grating then the shuddering sobs which had preceded it. As they were both far too faded for the kissing to lead anywhere promising, Atsuhiro simply cherished the quiet that followed.

For one spectacular moment there was silence besides the soft sound of their mouths working against each other. He’d learned a while ago that kissing was an efficient means to shut down some of Jin’s otherwise inescapable noise. So, for the next period of time they sat and kissed, and Atsuhiro cherished the blessed silence.

Following this, they’d abandoned the bottle and dirty glasses on the coffee table, in favor of tumbling onto the futon which Jin had been far too eager to unfold. Atsuhiro remained in his robe, Jin in his dirty civilian clothes, something he may have argued on a different night. Then of course, there was the half drawn Twice mask...

Both of them were sluggish as a result of the substances coursing through their blood streams. Or perhaps that was a result of the deep resonating sadness the two of them had shared. Who was to say really? Either way, changing anything about the arrangement would have been an unnecessary challenge.

Instead, they settled. Atsuhiro spread out on his back, missing limb angled outward to keep it from rubbing against Jin’s body. Meanwhile, Jin burrowed his face against Atsuhiro’s neck, still dropping the occasional kiss against any piece of skin that was level with his mouth.

“I’m so sorry,” a ragged whisper broke the silence that he’d dared to hope would be permanent for the remainder of the night.

“...Jin… Enough,” he murmured, closing his eyes and hoping to hell that either the drugs or sheer exhaustion finally dragged them off to sleep.

….

He awoke in the early dawn hours. Or maybe it was closer to late afternoon?

Through the fog that lingered in his brain the dimb lighting in the loft was tough to decipher.

Jin was still at his side, sleeping soundly. His mask had slipped off at some point in the night, exposing his face and a pair of raw red eyelids still shut in a dream. Atsuhiro quickly clenched his eyes as a stab of pain suddenly coursed through him. Although, it wasn’t his arm that bothered him this time.

He felt a convulsion tight in his chest and realized with some surprise that he was about to cry.

#mr compress #twice #atsuhiro sako #jin bubaigawara #my hero academia #Baku no hero academia #my fic

3 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

Text

Survey #350

“let’s play a love game, play a love game / do you want love, or you want fame? / are you in the game?”

Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. Would you kiss this person again? I know I fucking would and I hate it more than I could possibly express. Name something that is on your bedroom wall? Lots of artwork, mostly of meerkats. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I need another desk to put stuff on. If you could paint your walls any color what would it be? Something pastel. Maybe like, peach. Soft and warm and would really bring light to the room. What does your phone case look like? It's just this boring purple one that came with the phone. What do you take the most pictures of? My camera roll says my pets, hahaha. What is the point of Twitter for you? Liking Mark's shit lmao. What does your planner look like? I don’t have one. If you get into an argument what is it usually about? My anxiety, I think. What are you always in the mood for? Ummm probably a car ride where I can control the music in the passenger seat. It is very, very rare I'll turn that opportunity down. What’s the last emergency you dealt with? I don't really know; I'm thankfully not in these situations very much, especially when you're cooped up at home. I probably haven't been actually engaged in an emergency since I had to call 911 for my mom before she found out about her cancer. She was basically immobile from agony in her abdomen. Do you have a son? I'm perfectly happy without a son, or kids period. Are you married? No. Have you ever worn a suit? I haven't. Have you ever had to call 911? Twice for Mom. How many keys are on your key-ring? Just one for the house. What’s the last thing you created? An RP post would count as art creation, I'd say. Who are your closest friends? Sara, Girt, and uh... Well, they might be it as far as friends I consider truly close to me. I have a few other people I consider good friends, but we're just not like... on that "close" level, you know? Lisa is maybe another, and Lyndsey perhaps, both WoW friends. Are you ready to have a family? I hate that "have a family" tends to mean get married and have kids, which I'm guessing is what you're implying. If that's the case, no, given I don't want kids and am not fit to get married right now. I'm not even with anyone. I'm content right now with just living with my mom and my two pets, who are children well enough to me. Have you ever taken a DNA test? No. Do you have a family cemetery? No. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? *shrugs* I think it's pretty normal. How do you feel about swallowing pills? What do you mean how do I "feel" about it? I just do it if I need to. What animal is the scariest in your opinion? Some kind of bug, probably. Giant centipedes creep me the fuck out, for one, and I've heard their bite is incredibly painful. I've also always been very afraid of Australia's funnel web spiders since watching some show on Animal Planet when I was younger; I think it scarred me for life, aha. And let's not forget the murder hornets. No thnx, rather die. :') Have you ever questioned your sanity? Way more than once, my friend. How do you feel about people wearing fur coats? Are you for or against it? I am VIOLENTLY against it unless it is for survival in extreme climates and you don't have access to other material. That aside, there is NO way you could possibly convince me that it's okay to wear the fur of something once living on yourself for ~fashion~. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? Let's not go here. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? Haha, yeah. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon or strawberry. I'm not a massive jellybean fan. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? I've never tried it, no. What book/movie has made you cry the hardest? Either The Notebook or Titanic. Something you feared as a kid but don’t anymore? Thunderstorms. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one. Just wash it with water in the shower and then use a washcloth when I feel the need. Would you rather have a snake or a tarantula as a pet? I want both, but I prefer snakes. What is something you are NOT looking forward to? I both am and am not looking forward to my second Covid vaccine because it's notoriously worse than the first; the only bright side to it is that after the potential side effects blow over, I'm job hunting. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check the time on my phone. Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? Hot, but I like both. Who taught you how to swim? Dad, I think? Can you do push-ups? No. Do you like Doritos? Yesssss. Who is the closest friend that you live by? I don't know. Have you ever banged your head against something? I've had two concussions before, so, y'know. Have you ever jumped on a trampoline? Yeah, I loved that as a kid. Do you like watching scary movies? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that you have a big butt? No, considering I have like no ass, rip. Has one of your friends ever tried to "hook you up?" Ugh, yes. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? Landmarks, by a mile. Although, I'm super bad with directions, so it probably wouldn't really matter much. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Yeah, you got to. Does your house have more than one fireplace? No. What was your favourite gym class moment? The one and only thing I liked about gym as a kid was when you took one of those rainbow tarps and made like, an air bubble underneath to make this awesome dome everyone sat in. Ya missed out if you didn't do that. Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? Yeah. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? Not at all; I was always flattered, knowing they cared enough to want mine. Apple Jacks: yay or nay? I looove those. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie? Haha yeah, I think it's the second one? Such iconic scenes. It's the one with the Mary Jane girl that Shaggy liked... oh, jokes that went over your head as a kid. Who were your last 3 Facebook messages from and what do they say? I'm too lazy to list the convos themselves, but the people involved are my friends Chelsea and Ian, as well as a friend's mother. Do you turn your phone off at night when you go to sleep? No. It's always on vibrate, and I just turn the brightness way down. What is the sexual orientation of the last person you talked to? She's straight. What’s your favourite hairstyle on the opposite sex? Don't you fucking dare laugh, emo hair is A++. Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? Not a big one, no. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? Do I?! I love the first one (though for a while I wasn't very happy they swapped the lead role from Harry to his wife), and while the second is literal trash story-wise and it's ALL over the damn place, I still enjoy it with just how much I adore SH as a whole. What movie scared you the most out of any other movies? The Rite, because the concept of being raped and impregnated by a demon is fucking horrifying to me. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this? Nah. Name 5 things you don’t believe in. 1.) "Everything happens for a reason;" 2.) karma; 3.) destiny/fate; 4.) psychics, fortune tellers, all that; and 5.) luck, at least in the sense of someone having set "good" or "bad" luck. If you could have any friend that you’ve lost back, who would you pick? Probably Megan. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish? Me for both of them. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”? I have folders. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? Eh, nah, that feels a bit far to me. I am very firmly for friends still being able to hang out even if they're each other's preferred gender, but a sleepover sounds a bit too intimate, even without sharing a bed. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot? No. I'm very intimidated by guns and nearly shook when I merely handed a friend his (not for anything bad, he just carried it with him when he goes out), and I've got noooo plans of holding one again unless my life depends on it. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal? You. Have. Zero. Idea. It's for both reasons, and it's far more severe in person. Online, I actually don't mind much, oddly enough... I can't quite pin down why. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? Knives scare me like five times more than guns. Scary movies have nothing to do with it, though. They're just so sharp and the idea of being stabbed by one is terrifying. As someone with a history of self-mutilation too (not with knives, but I've thought about it and once planned to slit my throat with one, but Mom stopped me), they just make me incredibly uncomfortable to the point I can barely hold a "real" knife to just slice food. Have you ever climbed a chain-link fence? Many times. What is your LEAST favorite Disney animated movie? That I've seen, uhhhhh... I don't know man, there are way too many Disney movies lmao. Who was the last person’s house you went to besides your own? My sister's. On YouTube, who are two people you find hilarious? I'm just counting GameGrumps as one, and then you can't forget Shane Dawson, regardless of the controversy. He probably made me laugh more than any other YouTuber. Do you shave your pits? Yeah. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I don't think so. Besides the USA, what is your favorite country? I'm not nearly informed enough about foreign countries' politics and laws and mannerisms to have a favorite. Would you rather go to Europe or Asia? Europe. Would you rather go to Africa or Australia? Africa. Would you rather go to Mexico or Canada? Canada. Do you think emo/scene hair is attractive? I love emo and scene hair, don't @ me, it's cute as fuck. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture? Lots, actually, at one of my old houses that I totally know was haunted. Do you think abortion should be illegal? NO. You would NOT end abortions. You would end SAFE abortions. Do any of your pets have strange habits? Explain? Venus, my ball python, is extremely odd with food to the point I sometimes worry about her, but she's always been this way and is healthy, so I guess it's nothing really worth fretting over. Anyway, when I place her rat in her terrarium, she gets excited first and will pretty much frantically examine her surroundings, like slithering around everywhere, and even when she has clearly found the rat (she'll even prod it with her snout), she usually won't immediately eat. She just like... sits there and has to continue to verify for ten minutes that it's food. I know it's thawed perfectly, btw. So anyway, THAT'S weird... As for Roman, dear god, that cat's just weird, lmao. Especially in the morning, he's very hyper and will bolt around the house sometimes, he "plays" with nothing all the time, he "meerkat"s at nothing that I can nothing, etc. etc. etc. He's a weirdo lol. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke? Oh god, I said something really inapprops once when my friend Chelsea startled me. I won't be repeating it lmao. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? Sara, I think. Who have you most feared in your life? My dad. He doesn't scare me anymore, but he did. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? Oh idk. What is the worst word anyone ever used to describe you? "Martyr." And not the kind that dies for their beliefs. It hurt me so badly to know someone thought of me that way, and I'll probably never let it go. If you have any pets, were they adopted from the humane society? No. Roman is one of the billion kittens born to the cats my sister's in-laws have, and Venus is from a ball python breeding business in Florida called The Gourmet Rodent (they sell f/t rodents too, obvs) Do you like home design, like picking out paint colors and furniture? Not really. My grandmother though, whew, that was her calling for sure. Have you seen any of the old James Bond movies? Nope. List all of your features that you have ever gotten compliments on: My hair, my eyes, my tattoos, my hands, I think my nose, my dimples, my smile, and my boobs lmao. Have you ever been in a hot air balloon? And if not, would you ever want to go in one? I haven't. I think it'd be kinda cool, but they seem too easy to fall out of, and I'm afraid of heights. I'd probably go in one if given the opportunity. Do you have any stains on your shirt currently? No, but there are two small rips. It's just an old tank top. Do you listen to local bands? No. Not that I'm opposed, I just don't know of any I really enjoy. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Many, many daily. Do your parents fight? Do they even talk at all? They're divorced; they used to fight a lot when they were together. Now they only talk if they have reason to. Have you ever watched a movie that's in a complete different language, so you had to read sub-titles? No. Do people with yellow teeth disgust you? Dude, fuck off, no. My teeth are kinda yellow, and I'm extremely self-conscious about it, so seriously fuck this question. You never know for sure why someone's teeth may seem yellowish. Do you drink alcohol on New Year’s Eve? Usually a drink or two. Do you wear rings? I always have two on, yeah. Are you hungry right now? No, I literally just ate a breakfast bowl. Have you ever tried smoking a cigarette? No; I haven't the slightest interest in doing so.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''lovegame'' by lady gaga

3 notes · View notes

erintoknow · 6 years ago

Text

icepack

fallen hero fan fiction sidestep era chargestep ~2.2k words

------

“And then you just… POW right in the mouth!”

“Shut up!” You try not to laugh. “It was either that or let him shoot you.”

“You must really kill at the clubs.”

“Maybe I should have let him shoot you.”

“No, no, it was great. Damn, where are my keys? Oh, thanks.”

“You’d forget your own head if it wasn’t for me.”

“I’m not that bad.” The door knobs jostles as Ortega fusses with the lock. “You should’ve seen Sentinel the other week, we spent an hour looking and he had his keys the whole time.” The door swings up and light from the hallway floods into the darkened apartment. Getting through the door is a little awkward with Ortega’s arm slung over your shoulder, but the two of you manage to crab walk your way in. Ortega flips on the lights as you pass through the kitchen.

You let her lead the way to the living room, and gently sit her down on the couch. “How’s that knee feeling?”

“Like I told you, Ariadne, it’s fine.”

“Fine my ass.” You snap back. She limped the whole way home, hell you had to help her up the stairs. She’s as bad as you, you swear.

“That’s pretty fine too.”

You stiffen, the ghost of her arm still felt on your back. “You should get a professional to check on it tomorrow. Just to be safe.” You must have misheard that.

“I’ll be fine.” Ortega rubs her leg, scrunching and stretching out the fabric of the skinsuit. “You’ve certainly walked off worse.”

“Yeah well, I don’t exactly have…” You bite back the words in your mouth, swallow them down.

“What?” Ortega gives you a curious look and it’s too much. You need to escape it. Turn your back on her and retreat to the kitchen, hunting through the cabinets for plastic bags.

“It’s nothing. Look, just get it looked at, okay?”

“Mierda, I don’t need two moms.”

“So help me god, Ortega, you should thank your lucky stars it’s me and not Tiá here telling you.”

“I don’t know whether to be ecstatic or terrified at how well you two have hit it off.”

You roll your eyes, not that Ortega can see it. “She’s just grateful someone’s out there making sure her daughter doesn’t get herself killed is all.”

“She wants you to come over for the holidays, did she tell you that?”

You pause, staring into the freezer with a handful of ice. “Huh.” The lance of cold in your hand pulls you back out of your head and you resume filling the plastic bag. “Like the day of the dead thing?”

“Dia de Muertos.”

“Yeah. That.”

“You know how I feel about parties.”

“Ari.” Her voice is sharp. “This is a private family thing.”

“Here.” You walk back into the living room hold a plastic bag full of ice. You carefully wrap it in a towel you stole hanging off the dishwasher and toss it to Ortega. “Keep that pressed on your knee, it’ll–“

“I know what an ice pack is mamá.” Her voice is teasing but you wince anyway. “You should come.” And she’s back to serious again.

You linger, leaning your arms on the back of the couch, grateful for the barrier it makes. How Ortega has to tilt back and up to see you. “I don’t… it’d be weird, wouldn’t it?”

“How would it be weird?”

God, she’s really going to make you spell it out? “You just said it. It’s like, a family thing, right?

She scoffs at you. “What? You think you aren’t family?”

You roll your eyes. “Ortega, we’ve known each other for barely three years.”

“And yet we’re practically sisters already.”

Something about that comment makes you wince, makes you want to stab back. Why? “Oh, so now I’m your sister? I thought I was your mother before.”

Ortega takes it stride. “Nothing says you can’t be both.”

You have to bite your lip to keep form laughing. “That’s kind of fucked up, isn’t?” You shift position, “Scooch over, I’m sitting down,” you warn before vaulting over the back of the couch, sliding down next to Ortega.

“You know, one day you’re going to break the couch doing that and there’ll be hell to pay.”

You don’t even try hiding your laughter this time. “You’ll have catch me first old woman.”

“Hey! 29 is not old.”

“Practically obsolete. Sorry Sparkles, but thems the breaks.” You can’t help the grin on your face now as Ortega glowers at you, right hand too preoccupied keeping the ice pack pressed to punch you.

You touch a hand to your face– oh. Wince. “Well, I guess if I’m staying here awhile…” You try not to think about whether Ortega’s eyes are on you as you pull your mask off, running your other hand through your hair as is takes the new freedom to spill out all over your face in spiraling waves of reddish brown. It’s getting too long. You need to cut it back before it starts being a problem.

“I was wondering if I’d get to see that face today.”

You narrow your eyes at her as you drop your mask on your lap to continue fixing your hair. “C-cool your jets Carmen, or you’ll lose face privileges again.” You know perfectly well your face is awful, you wish she’d stop making jokes about it.

It doesn’t help that the way Ortega is looking at you is just making you more anxious. You shift position on the couch so you’re facing the balcony window. Huh. Still haven’t replaced the railing. Embarrassing. “Hey, I’ve been wondering,” Ortega starts and you brace yourself. That’s a terrifying way to start a sentence. “Are you seeing anyone?”

You freeze, both hands in your hair, mind blank.

What?

“Oh– sorry.” From the corner of your eye you can sea Ortega reach back with her free hand to rub at her neck. “I was just… You’re always getting an earful from me and well,” Ortega keeps rubbing the back of her neck. “I just wanted you to… uh, feel free to vent your own troubles?” She glances at you. “I mean, if you want to, is all.”

You don’t look at her. “This is about that music guy isn’t?” Are you angry? Anxious? Both?

“How many more times do I need to say sorry about that?”

You press your lips into a grim smile. “At least two more milkshakes.”

“Well that’s not so bad.”

“You’re hard to stay mad at.”

You don’t have to be looking at her to know she’s got that smug grin on her face. “I’m just naturally charming.”

“Three milkshakes now, old lady.” You bite your lip, tracing patterns on your leg as you stare out the window. “You really don’t need to keep trying to set me up with people. It’s… weird?”

Ortega huffs and leans forward, trying to intrude on your field of vision or see you face or both. “Why’s it weird?”

“It… it just is, okay?” You can’t tell her. It’ll beg too many other questions. Questions that you aren’t ready answer. Aren’t ready for how it’ll change things. You like what you have now. Too much maybe. You should have known better than to have gotten this comfortable with the Marshal. “I’m… not interested, is all. I guess.” You press your finger into you thigh, little patterns you’ve learned by heart now. You don’t want her to look at you differently. Like a man or like a–

There’s a brief moment of merciful silence and then– “So you are into women then.”

You choke. “What?”

Ortega laughs at the look on your face. “Honestly. I should have put it together after how hard you crushed on Sunstream.”

You can feel the heat on your cheeks. “God, what? I was just– Look. She’s been through a lot okay?”

“You were just worried for her.”

“Yes!”

“As a friend.”

You turn to look Ortega in the eye. You really need to snip this in the bud now or you’ll never hear the end of it. “I’m serious! You know how hard she took the Nanosurge.”

She raises a hand, “Okay, okay.” She doesn’t sound like she believes you.

You can feel the anxiety in your gut as the silence stretches out between you. “…I hope she’s okay.” You admit. No one’s seen or heard from Sunstream since the letter with her surprise resignation. You’ve done some poking around on your own, and it’s only given you a sinking dread the more you’ve looked. It feels like a warning shot.

Carefully, Ortega puts her hand on your knee. “I’m sure she’s doing fine. I think she’s got family out east.” Does she really think that or is she just trying to reassure you?

“I… I hope so.” You let out your breath, slumping into your seat.

There was a time, before you started taking pills, that you found certain… men and women, had a… magnetic quality. They drew your eye whether you wanted it or not. It almost always got you nothing but trouble during missions. To say nothing of other, more dysphoric, thoughts. It had been a relief when that all went away.

Or… it seemed like it had. Was Ortega right? Had you been crushing on Sunstream? But your concern had been strictly altruistic, hadn’t it? It had to have been, right? The idea that maybe you had some alternative… predatory(?) motive… You have to swallow down the nausea.

“I don’t know… how do you…” You bit down on the inside of your check hard enough to make you wince. “You’re the expert.”

Ortega raises her eyebrows at you. “Uh-oh. What’s this about?”

You roll your eyes at her, look away. “H-how do you know if you like someone?”

“Uh–” You glance back at her. You’ve made Ortega uncomfortable again. That seems to be happening more often lately. You can feel the knife of tension in your guts. Whatever it is you keep doing wrong, you wish you could stop.

She rubs at the back of her neck with her free hand as she looks away. Lost in thought? “Well, it’s.. you just know. I guess? Something clicks and off you go.”

“Sorry.” You whisper. “That was a weird question.” This is too much. You can feel your throat pinch too tight. Try to swallow it down. You push off the couch so you can pace by the window. Put that nervous energy to something besides hurting your leg.

“Being a celebrity doesn’t help.”

You shoot her a look. “You poor thing.”

“I’m serious!” Ortega’s voice is light but she’s not smiling. “Sorting out who’s genuine and who’s not… having some gossip rag blowing up every coffee into a new relationship… You’d be better off asking literally anyone else. I think my perspective might be a little warped.”

“I thought you said you ‘just knew’ or something.”

You watch Ortega squirm on the couch through her reflection on the glass window. “Well…” She forces a laugh. “I guess it isn’t really that simple.”

A thought occurs to you, bringing your pacing to a halt. “Wait.” You look at her, “Do you–” You cut yourself off. You don’t want to finish that sentence, or hear the answer you’re sure to get. The impossibility of the thought already hurts too much.

“What?”

“I–it’s– it’s nothing.” You lie. “S-sorry.” You roll your shoulder, feel the little pops and cracks. “Just stop trying to set me up with guys, okay? I’m… I’m not interested.”

Ortega looks back at you. You know that expression, like she’s trying to figure you out. Why do you keep talking to her? The more you talk the more she learns, the more dangerous she is. “No more men then?” She says.

You narrow your eyes. Like you wouldn’t catch that. “No more anyone.”

That gets a smirk, and Ortega waves a hand in defeat. “Alright, alright.”

You run a hand through your hair. Should have brought some bobby pins with you. “I don’t even get why you care so much.” You say as you return to the couch.

“I just want my friends to be happy, that’s not a crime now, is it?” She laughs. “It’ll be awkward if I have to arrest myself.”

You punch her in the arm, “Buzz off with that, Sparkles. I’m plenty happy as is.” God this whole conversation is fraying your nerves. You laugh, letting anxiety transmute into more nervous energy. “What do I need some dumb boyfriend for when I’ve got a best friend?”

Ortega gives you a strange look, one you don’t know how to read. A kernel of panic starts in you mind before a grin breaks across her face. “So you’ll come to Mamá’s then?”

The question catches you off balance. You thought you’d successfully evaded that one. “I…” You look at Ortega, the expectant impression on her face. “Fine.” You say, admitting defeat. “But no more of this… w-weird matchmaker business. Okay?”

“Alright.” There’s that smug grin again. “If you ever change your mind though, I’m happy to help you out.”

You roll your eyes. “I– I won’t, I promise you.”

#fallen hero #fallen hero: rebirth #fallen hero fanfic #fhr #fanfiction #wlw fanfic #fhr/Ariadne #mc #ortega #trans character #disaster gays

34 notes · View notes

sheismental · 7 years ago

Text

Insanity — tom holland (chapter one)

a/n: first chapter! comment your thoughts and tell me if you want to be tagged.

WARNING: Foul language (PG-13)

summary: twenty-one year old y/n l/n had trained for years to become one of the greatest secret agents in the U.S secret service - There was only one last task to do - only one mission left. And to do so, she has to partner with England’s greatest secret agent, Tom Holland. Taking down an international mobster is dangerous enough, but doing it while someone pulled on your heartstrings? That was insanity.

—

The lights were dimmed, the cold air of the A/C making your skin grow goosebumps as the screen before you showed several pictures of faces you had never seen before. Faces of people you had to know.

Your legs are crossed underneath the glass table, both hands clasped together as you sat straight, stealing glances at Tom - His brown eyes focused on the screen, jaw clenched as he sat carelessly on the leather chair. He wasn’t all business, too confident on his talents - thinking he would ace this mission like he had done for the past few years.

And (y/n) didn’t like that one bit, sloppiness wasn’t one of her favorite traits on a partner. In fact, she despised sloppiness, and apparently arrogant agents too.

“These are your new identities, we were quite meticulous picking them out and preparing them-.” He lays two new passports on the table, along with a file and several ID’s, Roger smiles proudly before rubbing his hands together.

You reach over to grab your passport, flipping through it intently. Katherine King, not a bad name considering what you had been named before.

Tom flips through his own passport, nodding as his eyebrows knit together - a smug smile plastering on his face.

“Jack King? Sounds like an old man’s name.” Tom comments, chuckling - Your eyes shoot up to him, widen and confused.

“King? Wait are we going to be like siblings or something like that?.” You ask Roger, your lips parted as Roger furrows his eyebrows - Shaking his head slowly.

“You’re Jack and Katherine King, a married couple from England, would you care to simply read the file, (y/n)? it will make things fairly easier.” Roger replies scoldingly and you frown before hastily taking the file between your fingers.

Tom stares at you, the smug smile never leaving his lips - He was amused by you. He was good at reading people, and you weren’t an exception to his talents, as charming as you tried to be - He knew you didn’t exactly fancy him, nor the idea of playing husband and wife with him.

“Moving on-.” Roger clears his throat, staring at the screen behind him. “We need you two to infiltrate the lair, if you may, of the international mobster Richard Osterfield - He was a hard one to track but we got word that he is doing business in England. Needless to say, he is shamelessly doing this - Half of the police department are on his payroll, and the other half make a blind eye whenever he is around. You need to understand he is dangerous, he has killed many without any remorse - We think he is planning to move onto bigger things.”

“So you want us to be an undercover couple giving you intel about him?.” You ask, licking your lips.

“Something like that.” Roger replies. “You’ll be covert for sure, but we need you two to do more than just give us intel about him - We need you to befriend him, become friends with his friends, be on the same parties as him. We need you to be on the same mob, watch how he rolls.” He explains, his deep grey eyes darting from Tom to you. “The reason we chose you two is because we’ve made a deal with the United Kingdom’s Secret Service to take down Richard, and you two are the best covert agents we have on each side."

Tom’s smirk grows bigger at Roger’s words.

“The file has everything you need to learn about your identities, be sure to know every single detail. You will have plenty of time to do so, since it’s a long flight.” Roger states and you nod understandingly. “We are trusting you with this, don’t disappoint us.”

You stand up, your face blank of expression as you shake Roger’s hand. The way he looks at you, a mix between a proud father and a demandant boss as his other hand covers your own.

“Be careful.” He mumbles, wrinkles forming into the crest of his forehead, you give him a tight lipped smile.

“I will.” You breathe out, slipping your hand off his and looking at Tom - Standing up with his hands on his sides as he stares blankly at you. “We have a flight to catch.”

And with that, you waltz out of the cold room - Swallowing the lump on your throat. You were fearless, you were the best trained secret agent on service, but even with all of that - Taking down an international mobster was something you were new at, and that made a feeling of worry grow in the pit of your stomach as you walked with your head high through the hallway.

You feel two arms wrap around you and turn you around, your face smashed against a strong chest.

“Mark.” You chuckle soflty as he embraces you like only a father would do.

“Little grasshopper.” He breathes out, and even when you felt this great love for him - You couldn’t, you just couldn’t tell him how much he meant to you. “I will miss you.”

I will miss you too turned into a:

“I’ll be back soon.”

And your farewell came soon enough, he unwraps his arms from around you - He was grimacing, he knew how much you had ached for a mission like this, and he dreaded the idea of it. You couldn’t look at him in the eyes, it was too painful - and there was no way in hell you could show that kind of weakness, so you turned around, face straight and walked away.

—

You make your way into the private jet, you see the multiple suitcases pilled on a corner as you walk toward one of the soft plushed seats. You sigh as you shut your eyes, feeling as the seat comfortably adjusted to your frame. The file was peeking through one of your bags, and you feel anxious - It was aching to be read, it needed to be read.

“Ah so I see you’ve already made yourself comfortable.” Tom’s thick accent fills the walls of the jet as he makes his way to the seat in front of you confidently, you can’t help but mentally groan.

“There is plenty of room in the jet for you to sit, does it really have to be in front of me?.” You mumble, narrowing your eyes at him. He laughs softly, and you hate every second of it.

“But i want to sit here, darling.” He replies, raising his eyes to reach yours. He leans forward, placing his elbows on his thighs as his hands clasp together, he is looking at you intently - Basking on the sight of your very much disliked face. “Besides we are husband and wife-.” He shifts, reaching into the pocket of his dress pants - He smiles winningly as he takes out a pair of rings. “Might as well act like it.” He states, taking one of the rings between his index finger and thumb, showing it to you with a smug smile - His eyes sparkling with arrogancy.

You clench your jaw, reaching for the ring with a fast movement - But he is faster, moving his hand away and clicking his tongue. A messy curl falls in front of his face as he smirked, he was really loving the nature of your situation.

“May I, love?.” He asks softly, voice thick as honey as he reaches for your hand - locking eyes with you. You bite your bottom lip, stern eyes looking straight into his soft brown ones - He was hiding something behind that smug arrogant smile, and you knew better than fall for his charm.

You comply for the sake of the mission, placing your hand on his hand with hesitation. But he continues with his smug smile and it only makes your stomach revolt - You really didn’t enjoy his arrogant manners, thinking he owned the mission, perhaps thinking he was better than you. But you knew better, because you are better.

His strong hand grabs your left hand, taking the ring between his fingers and sliding it up your finger - He smiles with satisfaction, the ring fits to perfection, looking like it was always meant to be there.

“There.” He says softly, looking up to you. “It wasn’t so bad, was it, love?.” He takes pleasure on how a frown grows on your face. You turn your head to the side, your hand falling on your lap - the golden ring glowing as the light bounces off the diamond.

You reach for the file, ignoring Tom’s stare and start to read through it. Might as well act like Katherine King.

As your eyes skim over the detailed file, you realize Katherine King is exactly the opposite from you; Wealthy, Sophisticated and utterly in love with Jack King, whom was a wealthy business man and only got the best of the best for his trophy wife. It all sounded like barf to you, and you wonder, how could people actually live like that? Not earning anything, just thinking they own everything.

You knew you had fought for what you had, granted - You had stolen a lot, but you used you brains for it, you had grown poor and made a name for yourself. It was hard to imagine growing the way Katherine King had grown - In a safe, loving home with an extense education in Art.

And maybe the reason why you despised acting like that kind of woman was also the reason why you loved acting like it; Because you were someone else, maybe for a couple of months - But it was enough, enough for you to forget about the shadows lurking behind you, to forget about the never ending nightmares of your childhood. Enough to keep yourself brave and strong-headed.

Enough to keep yourself sane.

—

sheismental masterlist

tom holland masterlist

Insanity (ALL CHAPTERS)

perm tag list:

@hurricaneofcolors @rayesimp @just-my-weirdness-and-i

@spidey-hood

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland blurb #tom holland headcanon #tom holland one shot #tom holland fic

143 notes · View notes

rosilyfucked · 6 years ago

Text

Of death notes and blue sunshines

I take these vitamin pills. I knew it was a bad idea. I hear them juggling in the bottle and this sound triggers all those thoughts. Makes me wonder “What would happen if I took them all?” And I know they’re not sleeping pills. They’re just vitamins. But the idea of swallowing something interpreting a common way of ending it, just feels so appealing. Today I dropped them all on my hand. Measured them. Fantasized me filling my mouth with them. And I closed my eyes for a moment. Like I could feel where this was going but I couldn’t visualize it with my eyes open. And like I was enjoying where this was going. Like it was rejuvenating. Thinking about ending it. And that part inside of me, that reasonable, sane, hopeful part that consistently tries to pull me from the pit of my own disintegration, dreaded how familiar and alluring this idea was.

You know days like this I don’t know where to turn. When the movies don’t help, talking doesn’t help, breathing doesn’t help. So I turn to writing. The only thing left, my last salvation every time I feel I’ve reached the bottom. There’s this pain you know, this burden on my chest and I’m heaving, I’m not talking and I’m grinning, I’m not smiling and I don’t want to sleep, but can’t really stay awake either. And the guilt you know, my always-and-forever motivation. Guilt isn’t even there anymore. And I, like, forget what anything feels like except for that cloud, this goddamn cloud above my head which does nothing. Nothing. And I can’t remember what being well was like or why I wanted it. Nothing seems like a far easier state to be in, man.

Next time anyone accuses me of having a head in the clouds, I must correct them. My head is not in the clouds. The clouds are inside my head. And I hope someone, finally, sees the fucking difference.

I hope tomorrow my brain will restart and set a new countdown. A week was enough, wasn’t it? I want to go back to being good again.

1 note · View note

specsnsarcasm · 7 years ago

Text

Happiness is a choice

Happiness is a choice. This statement might not make sense to you unless it already does, and to those of you for whom it doesn’t, you may already resent it. But hear me out...

People get kind of defensive when they hear a statement like that. I admit, I used to too. Especially when, in the thick of my depression, people would offer things like that up as unsolicited and entirely unhelpful "advice". It felt equal parts pointed, accusatory and dismissive -- like blame or even judgement. It was as though they thought I simply wasn’t trying hard enough, or like it was just that easy. I resented that they presumed to know anything about me or my struggles. I hated mindless platitudes like that. I’d see so-called “inspirational” quotes on my feed and think “oh, fuck off!” Life can't just be boiled down to a few easy phrases! And besides, if it were that easy, everyone would do it! I thought that people who believed those things lacked emotional depth or an understanding of true pain (which in hindsight was super arrogant!). It wasn’t until years later, and far removed from that context, that I was able to understand on my own and come to the same conclusion.

The catalyst for this was something *so* small. I woke up one morning feeling extremely, inexplicably run down (“run down” being my sanitized code word for the dreaded depression-word). It signaled the beginning of yet another depressive episode, for which I have previously been diagnosed, and which I have battled for most of my teen and adult life. Beginning with feeling "run down", I would sink deeper into that familiar numb, empty, nothing feeling, and stay there for a while (sometimes longer). This time, I chose to acknowledge that I was tired, and that perhaps my mood was linked to that. I decided to take a nap, called that day a wash, and recommitted to trying to feel a little better tomorrow. When I woke up, I didn’t feel *as* bad. In fact, I felt much better! It sounds almost stupid, because it’s such a small, obvious little action. "Sleep when you’re tired?" What a novel idea! /sarcasm. Except it wasn't obvious or little to me because I usually didn't do that! I usually suffered it out, believing my tiredness to be merely a symptom of my mood, rather than a cause (in depression it can be both). In addition to not being able to sleep, poor quality sleep, or sleeping too long, I would usually stay up and overthink or ruminate. (Maybe as punishment? (more on that later). In doing so, I would feel worse and fall even deeper. Instead, this was the first instance in which I was able to successfully head it off at the pass.

“You deserve to be happy. Now. Right now. Not tomorrow, or 20 years from now... Happiness is not some arbitrary future finish line.”

No, 'sleep' isn’t a magical cure for depression (though it is a contributing factor; and what therapists, doctors, and lay-people alike have been saying for years!). And it wasn’t happiness either... But it wasn’t unhappiness, which was something. That moment showed me the direct power of a choice I had made. I had actively stopped myself in the middle of a maladaptive pattern. If I could repeat that result with other mini-choices throughout the day, maybe I could have a good few hours? A good day? A good week? Repeat that long enough, and maybe the sum total of that could equal happiness?

I tried this “choice” thing in a few other areas of my life in the following days and weeks with things that would usually upset me or situations that caused me anxiety. "Instead of 'A', choose 'B'"-type scenarios. Some were more complicated than just choosing to sleep, but many weren’t. All had similar degrees of success, and I felt a bit better -- good, even! Granted, it wasn’t a grand, elated, overjoyed feeling of happiness that you see; but I did feel calmer, more present, even, and grounded. Remember in Mario when he gets hit by an enemy, how he turns transparent? That’s how I used to feel before: shrinking, impermanent, exposed; like the next defeat would end me. But now I was feeling more like solid-Mario. I felt more in control of my moods, and like I could handle scenarios, people, and problems as they came at me.

Happiness is a choice. Sometimes we're not ready to hear this. We don't believe it because we have a fundamental misunderstanding of what happiness actually is and looks like (hint: it’s not a feeling). We’ve conflated happiness with “joy” (a feeling) and "cheer" (a manifestation of joy); or else, have been conditioned to view it as 'sunshine and rainbows forever and a life devoid of conflict. This is not only totally unrealistic and impossible, it misses the point by miles. Other times, we’re not ready to even talk about being happy because we're not ready to be happy. We think we don’t deserve it, or that we are incapable of it. We're afraid because we think it won't last. It feels easier to be unhappy because happiness feels unfamiliar, to the point where we don’t trust it. Sometimes to be happy feels a constant upward struggle. It can even feel like a lie, or like something that was meant for others but not ourselves. We've learned to expect/accept unhappiness to the point where we almost embrace it; it's comforting because it's familiar. Maybe you’re scared of being happy because you don’t know who you’ll be if you’re not unhappy?

Everybody deserves happiness. YOU deserve happiness. Lemme say this again slowly: YOU. DESERVE. TO. BE. HAPPY. Now. Right now. Not tomorrow, or 20 years from now. Not once your life is “perfect”. Not once you’ve bought this thing or gotten that award; gotten into this school, gotten that job, gotten approval from your parents, your peers, that guy/girl, your boss; not when you’ve achieved this status or married that person, had X kids, bought Y house, Z car, etc. Happiness is not some arbitrary future finish line. It’s immaterial, it’s internal, and it’s now.

I go through periods when I understand all of this with such acute clarity, as though I were sitting in the the eye of a storm. But somehow it becomes cloudy again, and the point escapes me entirely. I forget, and struggle, and despair again. It's a process. And for the reasons I’ve mentioned, it might seem easier to sit in unhappiness, but easier isn’t better.

Here’s a hard pill to swallow: happiness isn't something that just happens to you. You actively have to do stuff to make it happen (which is why it can be so uncomfortable. Because we have to overcome our natural inclination to want to NOT do stuff). I know we think some people are just born happy, but that’s the biggest myth out there. It's a skill that is honed over time. It takes effort and practice. You don't know where a person started out or where they are in their journey, so don't automatically discount the amount of work someone has put into getting to there.

It’s not about cockeyed optimism or “the power of positive thinking” either. Happiness isn’t some mantra you tell yourself over and over again until you start to believe it. And blind optimism can be just as dangerous and maladaptive as blanket negativity. Even though happiness and optimism are not equivalent or interchangeable, I do think that the effects of positivity can have an impact on happiness. Especially if you’re starting from a place of pure negativity. A common misconception is that happy people are shallow, stupid or incapable of emotional depth. Happiness is not the absence of sadness, deep thinking, or deep emotions. It is neither the absence of dark, nor pure light. You can still be happy while experiencing the entire range of emotions from anger to joy, and yes, even or profound sadness, sorrow and grief. Happiness is, in fact, a higher order state. It's a state of emotional discipline and mastery that allows you to govern emotions and thoughts, allowing you to feel and experience them fully, deeply, but without allowing them to control you. It’s acknowledging what you're feeling and why you’re feeling it, but choosing how it affects you; choosing not to stay there indefinitely. Emotions fluctuate and change depending on the situation, but like climate is to temperature, happiness is the steady state.

Happiness is a choice. It's one that you recommit to again and again, with all of the little micro decisions you will make by the minute, hourly, daily, etc. to ensure this. Think of it as a strategy, rather than an end goal; a mindset, and the constant choices that you make under this mindset in order to align yourself with it. It’s not passive: it takes work, emotional discipline, maturity, and self-knowledge. It comes from within. No one can give it to you, find it for you, tell you where to look for it, or when. It looks different to everybody. You can’t buy it, or fake your way into it. You won’t just wake up one day and feel it... (again, it's NOT a feeling). And if you’re not ready, that’s okay too! This is neither a criticism, nor a judgement. It's just information. I think it is worth taking some time on your own (or with a therapist) to find out why it is that you’re unhappy, why you feel like you’re not ready to be happy or why you don’t want to be happy. (I’ve mentioned some possible reasons above, but you might have others. No one can tell you). But when you are ready to start the process, begin. Then begin again. Make one small choice, then another. And then another. Over and over again, and keep going. It takes a little practice, but it's entirely manageable. But in my opinion, getting to the place where you can accept it for what it is (and what it isn’t), and then decide to choose it for yourself is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do.

[Note: As always, these are just my own experiences and opinions. You don’t have to agree or identify with them. Everyone is different. If you’re suffering from depression, I encourage you to seek help. Talk to someone that you trust, and hold on].

#happiness is a choice #happiness #life lessons #psychology #mental health #specsy #advice & humour

4 notes · View notes

btshodown · 7 years ago

Text

Fearless (Hoseok x Reader)

Hey guys! I am here with a sequel-ish to Shameless absolutely no one asked for! :’) I blame Tae and his silken voice in Singularity because I couldn’t stop thinking about this since yesterday and have had the song on a loop. So after months of no inspiration and little motivation to finish the next chapter for Remember You, this little gremlin came to be in two days. This well be set in a sort of monologue on the OC’s side of the story. Let me know what you guys think!

Genre: Angstier than the first one and if you squint hard enough, some fluff at the end

Warnings: Details of domestic abuse, implied rape, implied suicide

Words: 3,651k

A loud, distant sound of glass shattering has your eyes snapping open to stare into the dark abyss enveloping your room and the familiar touch of cold dread pools into your stomach before it quickly surges through your veins. Your heart pounds frantically, resembling that of a hummingbird trapped in a small cage with no way out and you try your best to not make a single sound as more crashing can be heard outside your room.

Despite this, you don’t reach for your phone, you don’t try to hide nor cry for help; even going as far as to slowly sit up and reach into your night stand to grab onto a bottle of pills you sadly knew too well. You continue to ignore the loud slur of a man’s cursing slowly getting closer to your door and simply tip over the bottle to your cupped hand, dropping three 200 mg ibuprofen pills into it.

The sound of glass shattering against your door has you hesitating before adding a fourth pill onto your palm before you dryly swallow the small tablets down; the sting of it has long dulled over the months of the same routine.

You close your eyes briefly and steel your nerves, willing the fear to the recesses of your mind, to be locked away just as the bottle of pills you’re returning to your drawer. With a soft, shuddering breath you lower your back onto your mattress once more and simply wait; for the pain killers to numb out the pain you’d be receiving in just a few seconds and for the deliverer of your future agony to finally open your bedroom door.

Gone were the days where you fruitlessly tried to cover your ears and fall back asleep, hoping that your boyfriend would leave you alone if he saw that you were sleeping; but it only angered him. It made it so much worse and you could only blame yourself as you would cry and beg for him to forgive you for trying to ignore him; he never held back. After so many recurring nights and days, you no longer had a voice; the pain in your throat from your many sobs and screams was too much to bear any longer.

Especially when all your neighbors turned a blind eye and deaf ear on your pain and screams, because if they wouldn’t help, then who would?

With a loud bang, your bedroom door finally opens and lets in the obvious smell of liquor permeate the air; your boyfriend the cause of it as he leaves the light off as always and stalks into your room with surprisingly quiet steps. You don’t move and you don’t protest as he climbs onto the bed and harshly yanks the sheets off your body, before roughly encasing your throat in his big hands. A small breath leaves you as he tightens his hold and despite the darkness, you could make out his bloodshot amber eyes and soft boyish features that somehow still made your heart lurch.

Did that make you crazy? Somehow still loving the monster that once was a man?

Despite the fire licking at your skin, your soul feels cold – so unbearably cold – as you once again dive into that frozen lake and watch the ice trap you inside its freezing depths. It was the only way, you reasoned with yourself, it was the only way you could survive the hits and the biting grip he had on your naked body as he did with you what he wished. It was such a numbing routine that you had forgotten what it felt like to feel human, to feel love and safety as other humans did. Your sense of security was warped and your idea of love became so disgustingly skewed.

The continued ignorance of your “friends” and family had only worsened your mentality, as they claimed that it was normal for a man to be a little rough; that it was a sign of love when he would get so jealous of your guy friends that he decided to monitor your phone. That he was only showing his concern whenever he forbid you from going out and threw away all your clothes he deemed too revealing.

That sex wasn’t always supposed to feel nice or satisfying, that it was normal for him to use you as he pleased.

The sound was back again, that familiar ringing that never failed to crack the blanket of ice over the lake you dumped yourself in. It was strange, that ringing, it caused nausea to rise onto your abused throat from the anxiety and a cold rope of dread to strangle your fragile heart. But when that familiar rasp of a voice broke through the ringing, you felt the sun, if only for a fleeting moment. You felt alive once more as fresh air moved through your shriveling lungs and you desperately clung onto the feeling, greedily wanting it to stay forever with you.

“Are you okay, y/n? Did you have another nightmare?”

The sob leaves you before you could control it and before you knew it, your pillow was drenched with your endless tears; the pain was too much, it made you miss your frozen lake. Despite his question being left unanswered, the male on the other side of the line knew the answer; the almost weekly routine made him an expert. You weren’t sure how it happened or when, but somehow the street dancer you frequently saw in the subway became your closest friend, became the sun your icy soul so desperately needed. But he also became the secret spring meadow you had to hide from your boyfriend, and despite taking the necessary steps to make sure he never found out you were talking to another man, you still felt the fear seize your heart whenever you found the strength to call him after a particularly bad night.

Even so, you never told Hoseok – your dear, sweet Hobi – the truth and let him believe that you had recurring nightmares that awoke you at odd hours of the night. It was so easy to keep up the mask, to keep him at arm’s length and reject his offers to see each other outside of your normal commute to work; until it wasn’t.

Somewhere in the months of knowing him, you made a mistake – a horrible mistake that made you question what love really was – and you weren’t so sure you’d be able to survive the outcome.

Was love supposed to feel so safe? So warm? Was it not meant to feel like you’d fall off a precipice with no safety rope or netting? Leaving you with the anxiety and fear of knowing that your body would crash onto the ground with no cushion? The fact alone that Hoseok never demanded to see your phone or even demand an answer as to why you refused to see him outside of the subway brought a vice of uncertainty to your heart. Sooner or later he would snap right? He had to, it was how things went.

Only he never did. He never touched you unless you wanted to be touched, he never pried for answers you weren’t willing to disclose of and for a while he tried to ignore the obvious cracks in your soul. But then it changed and you were to blame; you became greedy to keep that ray of sunshine with you so that you would never forget again what it felt like to feel so warm.

It started so harmless; you bought an old phone that still had buttons and would load money into it every month with cash, knowing fully well that your boyfriend kept track of your bank statements. This is how slowly you let him in to the point your calls escalated to you calling at odd hours of the night, sobbing quietly into the receiver as you lied about nightmares. Phone calls, however, weren’t enough anymore for either of you and one day you caved into his recurring invitation to hang out. You lied to yourself that day, refusing to admit that the blinding smile he gave you that day didn’t make your heart melt.

You left for work as normal, and let your boyfriend know weeks in advance that your boss had a new “phone’s off” rule that couldn’t be avoided. He was angry at first, but he said no more as he left that day to go to his “friends” house. His cheating wasn’t lost on you and while before it created a deep hole in your chest, having Hoseok as a new friend helped to alleviate the pain. But with this it helped you that first time as you turned off your phone after calling in sick to work and left to meet up with Hoseok; you once again denied the feelings growing inside you as he took you to the beach.

Months passed with this new routine and you were slowly unburying your voice, letting it find the air once again as Hoseok asked endless questions about your interests. How long had it been since someone looked at you with their undivided attention and held adoration in their eyes? How long had it been since another man made you feel human?

Much too long.

However, as the months passed and you inevitably got closer to Hoseok – to your Hobi – so did the obvious tension of something between the two of you. You tried so hard, so very fucking hard, to not cave into the feelings, the heat and the temptation; you would not become a cheater too. You weren’t the monster you once called your only love; but you were wrong, so horribly wrong.

And perhaps, that realization alone made your soul raw with agony as the phantom pain griped it; that your boyfriend wasn’t a monster, he was a disgustingly flawed human just like how you turned out to be. Both of you used people, abused people and took from them what you wanted, albeit in different ways. Jung Hoseok – the sweet man who danced on the streets from his sheer passion for it – didn’t deserve such a toxic best friend like you, didn’t deserve to have his body used as temporary salve to your wounds. But you were too selfish to let him go, knowing that if you did you would either end your life or became nothing more than a soulless porcelain doll to your abusive boyfriend.

So you continued this self-destructive spiral, until the day came where Hoseok saw a particularly bad bruise on the nape of your neck; it seemed like you missed a spot when applying your concealer. His anger, sadness and desperation were so palpable in the air that it brought loud sobs to tear out your throat. You never wanted him knowing about your twisted love life and figuring out the truth beneath your feigned nightmares; the truth being that they were in fact so very real.

He begged you that night to leave your boyfriend, that he would protect you while you guys fought to have him arrested for domestic abuse; but you had stupidly refused. That night, the selfless part of you wanted Hoseok to leave you, to abandon you and be disgusted by you when he could clearly see that a part of you still loved the abusive man. Such a positive light shouldn’t be introduced to the darkest corners of reality, shouldn’t have to be exposed to the lengths humans took when morality was lost.

He didn’t.

Even after you had brokenly whispered to him how things weren’t always like this, that once upon a time your boyfriend was the epitome of the perfect partner; he went out of his way to take care of you and provide you with the best. You told him how you never figured out when it all started to change, it had been such a slow, gradual build up that the signs were hidden behind bushes of good intentions; until you were suddenly hurdling down a cliff with no measures to stop the fall.

At the end of it, that beautiful ray of light stubbornly refused to leave you and vowed to always be there for you, in whatever form you needed him. The declaration alone brought new tears to your swollen eyes and it prompted him to hold you into the night, grateful your boyfriend had left that weekend to Vegas.

But you saw his light slowly fading with each kiss, with each phone call at night and each silken touch; and it terrified you. You had lost yourself and had been awed at gaining him; but the dark surrounding you was slowly engulfing your sun and you were too scared, too selfish, to set him free.

Until that fateful night, where you had once again sent him a text at four in the morning, pleading for him to come and salve your aching soul; relishing in his touch and love he so freely gave you. But it all came crashing down as his desperation tumbled out of his battered soul and once again begged you to leave behind this life of bruises, forced intimacy and caged freedom. You couldn’t even look him in the eye when you had to reject his offer and swallowed down the bile in your mouth, knowing your will to protect him would crumble if you saw his heartbroken expression.

But he stubbornly persisted and with each passionate word that fell past his lips, the crack in your soul deepened, causing you to lash out in frustration. Frustration at your unfair position, at the shitty hand life had given you when all you had wanted was to be loved.

Your first regret from that night was turning from him because you inadvertently showed the fresh bruises decorating your back and the snap of his patience was deafeningly loud in your small apartment. Your second regret was uttering your automatic response of defending the man, knowing once the reply left your kiss swollen lips you had pushed the last thread of your sun’s kindness. Your final regret was staying silent as Hoseok tried to reason with you and give you the hand you had been praying for to help you escape this hole.

He took his hand back and finally walked away.

That night you cried and screamed, feeling your soul finally bursting from the agony because you knew he wouldn’t be back – you had abused his heart far too much. It wasn’t until your eyes became too swollen and your throat too raw did you stop and finally stepped back to watch your life as a stranger.

That same night you ran to your frozen lake from atop of the ice and looked down; your bruised face stared back.

Your soul left you the following months as Hoseok never came back, but somewhere deep in the ice of your heart you were glad. It made protecting him easier as you finally decided to stop the feeling of helplessness inside of you and did something you should have two years ago. You were so dependent on someone saving you that you neglected to see that someone you were looking for was staring back at you every morning when you covered the bruises.

You endured. You bid your time. You fought silently. You lost your fear.

Five months and you had won. You stood behind the protection of the police officers – with fresh bruises on your face and arms, but you stood fearlessly and free – and watched the man of your nightmares be taken away forcefully. You ignored his threats and insults, knowing you had compiled enough evidence to have him locked away and for you to be relocated to a different city under the protection of the police department.

It wasn’t until that same night where you were released to pack your things and you happily ran to seek out your sun, did you come to find out that he had moved cities nearly three months ago. He had finally been scouted by an agency and was chasing his dreams; dreams that no longer involved you.

You had swallowed your tears – you vowed to never cry for a man again, even if that man was the sun itself – and continued home to pack your things to leave behind everything. You told no one, not even your parents, your supposed friends or even your work; what was the point when they would see it in the morning news? And so, you left your small town and traveled to the busiest city in the country where the police weren’t so scarce and your abusive ex wasn’t there to threaten your safety anymore.

Spring was once again a season you began to adore and began to finally see again after years of winter. The ice of your lake began to melt and the grass started to grow out of the once cracked earth, making you question if the pain from last year truly was real and not imagined. It seemed so long ago that you were swallowing pills to dull out the pain of being beaten and used, but as a new year approached it became easier to accept what you had battled with.

No man was ever going to lay a finger on you or so much as control your life any longer; you held no fear and you were the sole captain of your actions.

“Y/n, sweetie, we have a new job for you!”

Your lips pull up into a smile as you hear your new boss address you affectionately and place the manila folder containing your new errands for today on the top of her desk. It’s been a full year since you started working here and you instantly fell in love with the all-female staff that you refused any other offers you received. Without saying a word, every female here understood one another and knew that similar circumstances brought them together at this very office.

You gently pick up the folder and flip through the pages of your assignment. “Thank you, I’ll go get my things ready.”

Your company may have been small, but it was one of the most sought after for interpreters and translators, especially by talent agencies. Every few months one of the girls there would be assigned to a company or agency to be their interpreter, depending on the language needed, before completing their task and returning home. After a year of building your courage and helping you to get past working with men, your boss finally deemed you ready to be set as a new interpreter. It brought warmth to your soul when your coworkers all gave you encouraging words and hugs, reminding you that you were more than capable to do this.

So you went home to gather some things you’d need in case the company you were temporarily employed for needed you to go overseas with them and made your way over to the building’s address. It was relatively small, you noticed silently as you paid the Uber and gazed up at the agency’s name; at least compared to its competition.

With a deep breath, you square your shoulders and quickly step inside, showing your ID to the receptionist to be given an all access pass. You follow one of their security up into the elevator and out to the hallways littered with small cubicles, before being lead in front of a door that had a glass pane fogged up from the heat inside the room. From outside you could hear the bass of music being played and the constant squeaking of sneakers on the floor as the soon-to-be idols practiced. The wince left you before you could control it as the door opened, letting all the humid air filled with sweat to hit you in the face as the security motioned for you to talk to the manager off to the side.

You give a quiet thanks and make your way inside, introducing yourself to the boys’ manager, feeling at ease despite his height – his demeanor was quiet, but his eyes held his warmth. For that you were glad and only hoped that the young men you’d be working with would be just as pleasant.

“Alright boys, let’s take a break so that you can meet our interpreter for the next two months!”

It was then that you felt so impossibly warm – warmth you never thought you would once again feel against your skin – and yet you were suddenly faced with your lost sun after all this time. You try your best to push back the tears and the sudden need to run into his arms, to let him know of how you had changed your life, how you had survived. That you no longer let anyone be the master of your choices and happiness, that without his love and devotion, you would have never gotten out of that frozen lake.

Were it not for the barely concealed joy and deep emotion in his eyes, you would have believed that he still hated you; but there was neither hate there nor disgust. Only promises of getting reacquainted and getting answers because you were suddenly not in Gwanju anymore, but here, in Seoul with him.

Perhaps this was a sign and maybe this was fate trying to tell you that life wouldn’t be quite so unfair anymore; and it was now that you vowed to never throw yourself away again. Jung Hoseok deserved only the best and you’d be damned if you didn’t reach the best version of yourself for him, so that you could finally give all of your love for him like it should have always been.

Spring was in full bloom and you no longer held fear in your soul.

You were free.

#JHope #Hoseok #Hobi #Bts #Hoseok fic #Bts fic #akanfslgnkjb I really should go to sleep now #Its almost 1 am and I have to wake up in 7 hours #Please let me know your thoughts <3 #Bts angst #Hobi angst #Jhope angst

7 notes · View notes

lydisms · 7 years ago

Text

Lydia & Talia || Chatzy

Summary: Lydia and Talia meet Death again and he gives Lydia another ultimatum with Talia’s life on the line. Taken place before this thread. Trigger warnings: drugs Tagging: @talblack

Lydia: "Hey, Tal. Would you slow down?" Lydia called out as she trailed behind her friend, running to try and catch up with the girl. This happened almost every time they were running for gym class, Lydia had to remind Talia that she shouldn't go that fast because not everyone had supernatural werewolf strength. Once she finally got next to Talia, they were running at the same pace but something caught Lydia's attention out of the corner of her eye and she slowed down. "Oh, no." Lydia mumbled, noticing that Death seemed to be looming behind a tree out on the trail that everyone ran for class. The last thing Lydia wanted was to go talk to him but if he got mad then he might hurt everyone else in class. Lydia sighed and turned to Talia. "I'll be right back." She said as she walked towards the man, knowing without even needing to turn around that Talia was most definitely right behind her.

Talia: Talia continued to run alongside Lydia, slowing her pace down to a jog as she glanced at the banshee. She tended to forget that not everyone could run at the same pace that she was glad Lydia reminded her, otherwise she would’ve continued to just lap everyone. But then the banshee seemed to notice something and Talia didn’t even hesitate to follow her as she furrowed her eyebrows and turned around. “Hey, wait,” She insisted as she frowned, wondering what it was that Lydia was seeing until she felt the same dreadful feeling in the pit of her stomach, and suddenly she was well aware of the situation. She tensed up and tried not to let her expression falter, but it was hard. Death nearly killing her the other day definitely freaked her out, and she was already reminding herself that she promised Lydia she’d keep her cool. She didn’t want a repeat of what happened in the morgue.

Lydia: Lydia turned around and immediately shot Talia a glare, hating the fact that her friend couldn't just let her wander off alone. Lydia knew she would do the same thing if the roles were reversed but she just really didn't want a repeat of what happened last time. "Stay behind me." Lydia whispered, not giving Talia much room to disagree as they left the trail and approached Death. Immediately he looked at Talia with a bit of disgust. "Oh.. you brought her, I see." He spoke and Lydia bit her tongue, just grateful that he didn't seem to be doing anything to get Talia away for the time being. "What do you want?" Lydia snapped just before he held out a bottle of painkillers for her. "Just giving you another present. I feel bad for how awful we hurt you the other day." And Lydia sighed, knowing Talia knew nothing about that. "Plus, I know you threw the other ones out. Don't you want to take them?" Death asked and Lydia shook her head, angrily knocking the bottle out of his hands. "No, I don't want these. Thank you for the offer but I'd really like to get back to class now." Lydia tried to take Talia and get them both the hell out of there but Death reached for both of the girls.

Talia: Talia didn’t falter when Lydia shot her a glare, knowing that she’d follow the banshee no matter what. Even if she planned on trying not to lash out at Death. As they approached him, she kept her fists at her sides and used all of her energy not to clench them. She wasn’t going to do what she did last time. As Death looked at her, a chill ran down her spine as she looked at him, wondering what he wanted. As soon as she saw the painkillers, she clenched her jaw as she quickly clenched her right fist and dug her claws into her palm to force herself to not react. She concentrated on the pain as she glanced at Lydia and shook her head slightly, not even sure what to do. As Lydia tried to usher them away, she flinched when she felt Death reach out for both of their arms, hating how freaked out she was as she closed her eyes tightly. It was what she’d been having night terrors that week afterwards, and it like she could still feel the same helpless feeling that she felt in the morgue. “Do you really think you can say no to me, Lydia?” He threatened with a raised brow as he tightened his grip on Talia’s arm and yanked at her a bit harder. She flinched again as she shook her head and glanced at Lydia, not wanting her friend to freak out even though she knew she would. “I could end her life with the snap of my fingers.”

Lydia: Lydia could feel her heart breaking into a million pieces as she started to have flashbacks of what happened the day they were at the morgue. She had hurt her friend and Lydia made a promise to herself that she’d never let it happen again. But she had come such a long way since using those painkillers. Lydia really tried to be stronger than that and she was so proud of all her progress over the last year. She couldn’t just say no, though. Talia’s life seemed to be on the line once again and Lydia hated that he kept using her friends against her, and now seemed to be using her only other vice. “Okay, okay! Just let go of her.” Lydia finally yelled after a moment. There was no other choice. She knew that Death was so adamant about tempting Lydia with painkillers because her mind would be much easier to control when it was altered by the substance. And one pill and she could be sent on another downward spiral where she couldn’t stop taking them. It’s why Lydia kept saying no repeatedly but this time it was different. She sighed, tears filling her eyes as she grabbed the bottle and took a pill. “One, Lydia? Really? I already know you used to take way more than that.” Death replied and Lydia cleared her throat before taking two more which seemed to satisfy him. She hated the familiar feeling of relief that washed over her when she took it.

Talia: Talia wished she could have done something to stop Lydia from having to take the painkillers, but she knew there was nothing she could do. She promised her friend that she wouldn’t try to do anything to counter Death after what happened at the morgue, and right now she was helpless again. Clearly Death hated Talia’s guts, and it was only because she was so protective over Lydia. She wasn’t going to let him get inbetween their friendship anymore, and right now all she could do was let this happen. She grimaced as Lydia swallowed a pill and shook her head slightly as she felt Death let go of her arm, then went back to Lydia’s side and rubbed her arm as she stayed quiet, knowing she couldn’t say anything.

Lydia: “I’ll see you around, Lydia. You take this.” Death said as he kissed Lydia’s cheek and handed her the bottle. This time she didn’t even try to throw it and simply placed the bottle in her pocket and rubbed her cheek once. “Next time keep the werewolf at home. I’m not going to be so nice to her.” Death shot a glare at Talia and then walked away, leaving Lydia standing there with her hands shaking. She blinked away a few tears and sighed, turning back towards Talia. “I need to go home.” Lydia said quietly after a moment. “My mom- she can’t.. no one can see me like this.” They’d get the wrong idea if they saw that Lydia was clearly high, and a tiny part of Lydia wanted to be alone with the other painkillers Death had given her anyway. She could already feel herself starting to relax, forgetting all of the pain and trauma that had happened over the last few weeks.

Talia: Talia’s first instinct was to snatch the bottle from Lydia’s hand before she could try to keep it, but she didn’t want to scare her friend like she’d done the last time she made a sudden movement and she didn’t think Lydia would take anymore. The banshee was better than that. “Okay.” She said quietly as she took a deep breath and swallowed. “Okay, at least let me take you home. You shouldn’t drive right now.” She stated as she walked off of the trail with Lydia and back into the school.

Lydia: Lydia nodded and waited for Talia to grab her things and then followed her friend into the car. She was silent the entire drive back to her house, her head spinning with different emotions. Lydia was so mad that Death seemed to control every aspect of her life and as much as she thought she could handle it on her own, Lydia was starting to wonder if maybe she’d been wrong. Now he took away practically the only thing she had left that she could control about her life by making her take those pills again. “You should get back to school. You can’t miss more class. Just tell my mom I wasn’t feeling well?” Lydia said once they pulled up to the Martin residence. “I’ll be fine. I’m-“ Lydia sighed. “Im sorry, Tal.”

Talia: Talia sighed at Lydia’s words, knowing her friend was absolutely right. She couldn’t afford to miss anymore school if she was going to graduate, no matter how badly she wanted to stay with the banshee and make sure she was okay. She hated that she couldn’t say right now but she’d make sure to come back. “Don’t be sorry, I’m okay. I’ll come back after schools out, okay? I’ll tell your mom you were feeling sick.” She sighed softly as she reached forward and gave the banshee a hug before dropping her off and leaving.

#talblack #talia #drugs tw #chatzy

1 note · View note

ellanainthetardis · 8 years ago

Photo

I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please do let me know!

[FF] or [AO3]

Chapter 23 : Short Of A Fireplace

“What are you doing?”

Haymitch froze, the curse still on his lips, and rubbed the back of his nape. He wasn’t sure how he was going to explain that one. Half her beauty products had fallen off her dressing table and to the floor while he was struggling with the plug.

“Go back to sleep, it ain’t ready yet.” he grumbled.

They had gone to bed late the previous night. The stylist had stayed for dinner and Haymitch had to admit the man wasn’t bad company. Full of himself, yeah, but he didn’t look down on them and that was a nice change. Haymitch had always appreciated people who could use their brains and Harwyn clearly was one of those. He was no match for Cinna but it was the best they could have gotten.

After he had left though, Effie had insisted on gathering everyone in the living-room. She had told the children the next day would be free and that they should use it to relax. Peeta had protested a little but she had convinced him easily enough – her or Katniss’ pleading look. Unfortunately, it had also meant she wanted to go over a few things before the interviews just in case.

Haymitch had dozed off halfway through the endless list of recommendations she gave the girl. As for him… She just begged him not to be his usual snarky self. Sarcastic enough to make the audience laugh but not harsh enough to antagonize was the thin line he would have to walk on.

It had been late by the time they had retired to her room and they had fallen asleep almost immediately. He suspected Effie had taken a pill while he wasn’t looking because she hadn’t stirred all night, not even when he had woken up short of breath, trying to grasp enemies who weren’t there. She had been lucky to remain still enough to not make herself a target to his unconscious mind.

“Not ready?” she repeated, confused and slightly out of it – which confirmed his sleeping pills theory. He finally managed to plug the appliance in just as he heard her feeling around the nightstand for the clock. “Oh my! Is it really nine thirty? I did not mean to sleep that long.”

“Needed it.” he dismissed, checking that he hadn’t forgotten anything.

She slipped out of bed and wrapped her arms around his waist, plastering her chest to his back and pressing a good morning kiss on his shoulder.

“What happened to my bottles?” she frowned when she caught sight of the mess. “And why, in Panem, would you bring a toaster in my room?” A toaster that really didn’t want to work, he thought to himself. She reached around him for the plate full of bread and her frown deepened. “You have no idea how bringing breakfast in bed is supposed to work, do you?”

He rolled his eyes and detached her arms from his waist so she would stand next to him.

“Ain’t breakfast, sweetheart.” he mumbled, keeping his eyes on the appliance. “We’re short of a fireplace. Had to improvise.”

“A fireplace?” She sounded completely flabbergasted. “Haymitch, you are not making any…”

“We’re toasting bread.” he cut her off firmly. “Together.”

It took her a second to catch up. “Oh.” She flushed. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” he mocked, shuffling his weight from one foot to the other. “I mean… We can just toast bread if you like that better, I guess. Thought it was something you…”

“Yes.” she interrupted him and, when he finally found the courage to meet her eyes, they were shiny and she was hastily blinking that away. “I… I would like that very much.” She looked down at herself and tugged on the short blue nightgown so she could inspect it. “Should I change? Should we change?”

She was eyeing his sweatpants and his lack of proper shirt critically.

“Let’s not make a fuss, yeah?” he winced. He wasn’t about to get dressed up for a hasty toasting made with a toaster instead of a fireplace. All the more so given that their time was precious and he didn’t intend to waste any second of it. “We toast. We fuck. We never talk about it again.”

Her excitement dimmed a little. She made the iris shaped ring turn around her finger, lowering her eyes. “You do not have to do this to please me or…”

“I want to.” he said before he could think twice about it. He was going to die. What was there to lose? It was awkward. It was exactly why he preferred avoiding that sort of effusions. He held out his hand, palm up. “If you want to.”

She placed her hand in his and smiled. It was bright and genuine. It made her look younger. He found himself smiling back in answer.

“How does it work?” she asked, studying the plate full of bread and the toaster with some interest.

Not like this, he almost answered. It wasn’t supposed to be a cheap thing on a dressing table. It was supposed to be meaningful and symbolic.

Lighting a fire, sharing a meal cooked on that fire… A warm home where no one would ever go hungry, that was what it was supposed to bring to a marriage. More accurately, the hearth represented the home and the bread was supposed to be for love.

He wondered what it meant that their hearth would be an old toaster he had stolen from the kitchen and their bread some stuff that came straight from a plastic wrapping.

He placed the bread in the appliance and guided her hand to push on the button on the side.

“We light the fire together.” he said, after clearing his throat.

He felt ridiculous. This was the most ridiculous thing he had ever done.

It figured it would be because of her, for her. So she could have something… more to keep with her after he was gone. So she would forever know and not doubt what she had meant to him. It would probably have been better for her to forget and move on but he knew Effie. She might pretend everything was fine and that she was happy but… It would take more than that for her to stop clinging to his memory.

She would eventually.

She loved life too much.

She would find someone else, he believed that with every fiber of his being, he just hoped it would be someone worthy. And he tried not to be jealous of that man who wasn’t in the picture yet. He tried. But he failed.

Effie giggled when the bread popped back up properly toast. “And now?”

“Now…” he hesitated, grabbing one of the toasted slices and wincing because it burned his fingers. He blew on it and brought it close to her lips. “Bite.”

“Not something you say often when you put things in my mouth.” she grinned.

“Sassy.” he accused. The spark that was dancing in her eyes almost made him forget about the whole thing. But then she bit down on the toast with appropriate seriousness. He caught the wayward crumbs on her lips and leaned in to kiss her. That wasn’t really part of the ceremony but she wouldn’t know any better and they were taking liberties as it was. “Now you feed me.”

She took the remaining toast and imitated him by bringing it closer to his lips, one hand cupped underneath so no crumbs could fall on the carpet. He bit down with gusto, more hungry than he had realized. She raised on tiptoes once she had swallowed to press a soft kiss against his lips.

“Are we married now?” she whispered.

“Almost there.” he snorted. “Now, I’m supposed to say wife. And you’re supposed to answer…”

“Husband.” she supplied, grinning so hard it must have hurt – or powered the entire Center for a year. “And now? Are we married?”

“There’s the small matter of the consummation.” he smirked.

She giggled. “Oh, no… What a dreadful prospect!”

“Right?” he chuckled, running his hand over the silky fabric of her nightgown, shamelessly groping her.

“Should I play the frightened virgin for you?” she hummed.

He scooped her up bridal style in a swift move, making her scream in surprise.

“I like the minx act better.” he shrugged, forcing her to tighten her grip around his neck.

He tossed her on the bed and kicked off his sweatpants. She was still laughing when he kneeled between her legs and ran his palms on her inner thighs, pushing the fabric of her nightgown up. She arched her back to help him take it off and there she was, glorious in her nakedness.

“You’re gorgeous.” he said because as confident and vain as she was she never really believed it. He planted a kiss on her stomach, up her ribcage... He nuzzled her breasts and captured a nipple in his mouth…

He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with her.

Everything.

He wanted everything but he knew he needed to choose because they would never cram everything in a single day.

He sucked on her pulse point, nipped at the vulnerable skin…

He cupped her breast, took a moment to enjoy the feeling of her hard nipple against his palm…

“Haymitch…” she breathed out.

He looked up into her blue eyes and he felt his mouth go dry. Her gaze was clouded with lust, she was pouting, frustrated by his inability to decide and actually do something, and… She was hot. She was hot and perfect and his for the rest of his short life.

She was his.

He hooked his elbow under her knee and forced her leg up.

She blindly reached behind her, braced herself for what was coming, and it only spurred him on.

The first thrust was brutal and she mewled in a mix of pleasure and pain. She licked her lips and wrapped her other leg around his thigh, urging him on.

It was almost a punishing pace.

Rough and violent that she started whimpering and moaning as soon as he had begun.

After a few minutes, she was incoherent and he pulled out of her, letting her confusedly feel around for his body.

“Haymitch.” she begged. “I need… I need…”

He rolled her on her stomach and she simply lifted her ass in the air in the oldest invitation in the world.

He didn’t resist it.

She came with a cry after a few thrusts and collapsed against the mattress, making him slip out of her. She was boneless and limp under him but she parted her legs without protest when he rested his weight on her back. The angle wasn’t awesome, not deep enough, and she wouldn’t come again but it was enough friction to do the trick for him.

He licked the sweat off her shoulder blade only to suck the skin in and to bite down. She wasn’t in any shape to protest so he had his fun leaving enough hickeys and marks that she wouldn’t be able to wear a bare back dress in a while.

He was so busy staking his claim that his climax took him by surprised.

He reached his release with a groan and remained slumped on her, his head propped on her nape. Her hair was tickling his face but he didn’t mind.

This, right there, was bliss.

Her hair in his face, the smell of her shampoo, the taste of her sweat in his mouth, her warmth surrounding him, clenching him still, the unmistakable fragrance of sex in the air…

He never wanted to move again.

He wanted time to stop.

Right there.

Right then.

He wanted time to stop.

He felt around until he found her left hand on the pillow and he entwined their fingers. The ring dug into his palm. An unexpected comfort.

He must have been crushing her but she didn’t protest his weight or nudge him off her. She seemed content to be crushed, truth be told, to feel his weight on her, the sensation of his stubble rasping against her skin with every breath he took…

He honestly thought they could have remained like that for most of the day if her stomach hadn’t grumbled. She shifted a little and he slid to the side with a soft regretful sigh.

“Don’t go.” she requested in a hurry, immediately snatching an arm around his chest and huddling close to him.

“Not going anywhere.” he mumbled against her hair, wrapping himself around her like an octopus. Legs tangled together, tight embrace… “You’re hungry?”

“It can wait.” she dismissed.

After the third time her stomach made noises, he chuckled and tugged on her arm to escape the bed. She whined in protest but he pressed a long messy kiss against her mouth. “I’ll be back.”

He could do some things right, he decided, as he strolled to the kitchen wearing sweatpants that hung low on his hips. He came back with a tray loaded with entirely too much stuff for the two of them. He hated wasting food but he figured there were days when he could indulge.

She had been dozing off but she perked up when he nudged the door closed behind him with his foot.

“Now, that is what breakfast in bed should look like.” she praised.

She jumped on the muffins as soon as he had carefully set the tray in the middle of the bed. He was content to sip his coffee and watch her as she swallowed up half the plate of toasts with a generous amount of strawberry jam. Sex first thing in the morning always made her famished. It was one of her quirks and he loved it. He wasn’t sure why precisely because it was inconsequential but he loved it all the same. Just like he loved the way she automatically extended an arm in front of him before crossing a street because he had a reckless tendency to walk straight into traffic without checking for cars. Just like he loved the way she drummed her nails against her thigh when she was deep in thought.

“Do not stare at people when they eat, Haymitch.” she rebuked. “It is rude.”

“You’re hot.” he replied, nonplussed.

She blinked but took it in stride.

Trouble arose when she insisted on him eating something. She tried to force feed him a muffin but he really wasn’t hungry and it ended up with the tray being pushed aside and him having something quite different for breakfast.

He tried to chase the thought that it might be the last time he ate her out of his mind but it remained there, like a background chatter. He made it last just to enjoy it a little bit more. He brought her on the verge of orgasm only to delay it a while longer…

They stayed in bed the whole day, like they sometimes used to do after Twelve had lost the Games and they wanted to pretend the outside world didn’t exist.

They cuddled.

They touched.

They kissed.

They had sex.

Haymitch was in that state of boneless hollowness that only came with a thorough fuck.

Her lips ran on each of the scars on his back, mouthing the three words he never allowed her to say aloud against the battered skin. When she was done she rubbed his sore muscles, sometimes coupling the massage with licks, kisses and bites…

He let her ride his face.

They had never done that before, the lack of control on his part… It made him panic at first but she was enjoying it so much that he soon got into it. He still liked it a lot better once she slid down his body. That round was lazy. She remained slumped on his chest as their hips slowly did all the work.

They were too exhausted to be wild.

It was slow but almost frantic at the same time. Desperate perhaps. As if they were determined to take everything they could even if their bodies died in the process.

He wasn’t sure they had ever done it so often in one day. He wasn’t sure where he was finding the stamina either. Maybe knowing it was his last opportunity for a real sex feast was doing miracle for his virility.

“We should have dinner with the children.” she hummed, around seven.

“You really think you can sit through a three courses dinner?” he snorted. He hadn’t exactly been oblivious to all the wincing and the wriggling she had been doing for the past half hour. She was sore, he figured, and he understood. He was a bit sore too.

“I am starving!” she complained. “And we can get some whipped cream and chocolate for dessert. If you are a good boy, I will let you eat it on me…”

“Food kink is your thing.” he retorted, wrapping his arms around the pillow and burying his face in it.

“Then I will eat it on you.” she grinned, swinging her legs off the bed.

“Where are you going?” he grumbled, sneaking an arm around her waist to hold her back. “Dinner’s not for a half hour.”

“I need a shower.” she sighed.

“No.” he sulked, tightening his hold.

“Haymitch, I reek of sex.” she frowned. “I need…”

“You reek of me.” he cut her off, nuzzling the small of her back only to bite down on it. Her back was a mess of reddish marks of teeth and the occasional scratch. There were some bruises shaped like his fingers on her hips too. He probably shouldn’t have been as proud of his handiwork as he was. He bumped his nose against the new mark. “Mine.”

It was a primitive growl and he felt her shiver. Not of fear or cold. She was aroused.

“How about I let you play with me in the shower?” she purred. “Would that be a suitable concession?”

His tired brain mulled that over and he scoffed. “That’s just a trick to get me to wash up.”

“I never claimed there weren’t additional benefits.” she chuckled. Her nails were up and down his forearm and it made it hard for him to think. He was tired. He felt good. Sated. “Come on, darling.” she coaxed, leaning down to pepper his jaw with kisses. “There will be no time to properly share a meal tomorrow… I want to enjoy this last one with the children.”

He let out a long deep breath to let her know she was being annoying – mainly because she was right. “Fine.”

He rolled out of bed with some difficulty.

The shower, all things considered, wasn’t such a bad idea. They fooled around but they didn’t actually do anything. Later on, maybe, they would be recovered enough to enjoy each other’s company but right then, he didn’t think he could have gotten it up if his life had depended on it. Warm water on their sweaty skin was bliss though.

He didn’t see the point of getting dressed when it would only be the four of them so he ignored her arguments and pleas and stuck to his sweatpants and a shirt. He lied on the bed and dozed off while she got ready, pampering herself with far too much make-up for the occasion.

Having dinner with the kids was nice, though. They seemed happy. They were a bit evasive on what they had done with their afternoon. Katniss kept toying with her hair and avoiding everyone’s eyes. Peeta’s cheeks were a bit flushed and, if he did meet Haymitch’s eyes, he soon averted them.

Haymitch smirked but didn’t tease them about it.

They tacitly kept to light topics. Nobody ever mentioned the Games, the interviews or the arena.

It was… relaxing.

They joked, they teased each other, they laughed…

They lingered at the dinner table long after dessert had come and gone – although he did notice Effie making a murmured request to the Avox girl so he figured there would be whipped cream, chocolate and strawberries waiting in her bedroom.

It was late enough when Effie made a show of being tired and going to bed early. Haymitch didn’t bother, the kids weren’t interested in whatever their mentor and their escort were going to do anyway, they were too busy making eyes at each other.

Katniss disappeared in the living-room and Haymitch caught Peeta’s arm before he could follow.

“You need… stuff, boy?” he asked, trying to be tactful.

The kid’s ears burned crimson.

“No, I’m good.” Peeta mumbled, staring at his shoes.

He patted his shoulder with a snort and went back to his escort’s bedroom.

Effie was sitting at her dressing table, the toaster had been pushed aside, and she was removing the layers of make-up off her face. She looked up when he stepped in and she grinned, nodding at something behind her.

At the tray loaded with sweet things, he figured. He chuckled a little but flopped down on the bed, happy to let her eat anything she wanted on any part of his body.

“You’re never gonna guess what…” he taunted.

“The children had intercourse.” she deadpanned, applying a generous amount of lotion on her face. She ruffled her hair, checked her reflection in the mirror, and then turned the stool around to study him, looking absolutely too cocky. “Do you think I was born yesterday? Katniss was practically glowing.”

“Thought you would scream your head off.” he admitted, a bit disappointed. He had been looking forward to seeing shock on her face.

“Under normal circumstances, I absolutely would.” she granted. “Given how we chose to spend our day however…” She shook her head sadly. “They’ve grown up since we met them, don’t you think? Being with Peeta all week… He has a man’s bearing now. I cannot say Katniss is as mature as I would wish but…”

She let her voice trail off.

“It’s their last day.” he shrugged.

And it wasn’t their place to judge what they did with it.

“Exactly.” she hummed. “Now… Where were we?”

She stood up and unzipped her dress.

What else could he do but watch?

#hayffie #effie trinket #haymitch abernathy #prompt

27 notes · View notes

mylifeasavetstudent · 8 years ago

Text

Nerves About Ross

6/22/17

I heard I was accepted 3 weeks ago, but I’m still waiting to hear about whether I start in September 2017 or January 2018. I should know within the next 5-6 weeks - which could give me only 3-4 weeks to get ready and move down there.

Trying to get my thoughts in order, here are some of the logical and illogical things I'm scared about in regard to starting Veterinary School and in regard to moving down to St. Kitt’s. I’m sure some are normal and shared by most students, but I’m sure some are me just being a whiny 23-year old New York girl.

_____________

1) Packing. (Overpacking, underpacking, forgetting). How am I gonna fit everything in two suitcases? I plan to use vacuum seal bags and bring the two biggest overweight suitcases and a carry-on that I can. I just keep thinking about all the bulky stuff - kitchenware, bedding/pillows, shower/beach towels, steel-toed farm boots, shoes/clothes, toiletries, makeup/hair/cosmetics, electronics, books/school supplies. I went away to undergrad college about 30 minutes away and lived on an on-campus dorm/apartment for 4 years. However, I was in a big city, and could easily get anything I needed down the block. I was also so close to home, that I often went home on the weekends, and could pick up anything I needed. Also important to note that I could use Amazon, unlike St. Kitt’s. Every time I moved in/out, it took about 2-3 car loads of stuff!

2) Buying textbooks/school supplies.

I guess I should wait till I get to the island to get books? Do they have a school bookstore? Will other students be selling them? I worry if I wait till I get down there, I won’t be able to find them.

Should I order them in advnace and pack them? I worry this will take up too much space/weight in my suitcase. Should I order them in advance and have them shipped to St. Kitt’s? This would probably be super expensive, and what if they take too long to get there or go to the wrong location?

3) Buying a car (getting license/insurance/mechanics, etc.)

When should I buy a car? Second semester? I’m worried I’ll be taken advantage of and pay a lot of money for a really crappy car. I’m nervous about driving a dangerous car. I’m nervous about going through all the processes of getting a license, insurance, legally buying the car, etc. I love my US car and I’m gonna miss it and hate leaving it at home for a few years! I’m also terrified to find a reliable St. Kitts mechanic, since I’ve heard horror stories about being overcharged and taken advantage of. Mechanics who “fix” your problem, but purposely create more. Criminal mechanics who steal your car and sell parts. Agh.

4) The bus system/traveling.

Super nervous about figuring it out and navigating it while I don’t have a car yet. What if I get stranded in some bad area alone as the sun sets?!

5) Food shopping (bugs, giardia).

I've heard horror stories about food on grocery store shelves being rancid and expired. I’ve been told to check the dates on everything before buying it - even milk and cheeses. I’ve been told about boxes of pasta full of bugs and peanut butter full of worms. I’ve also heard there is giardia and mycoplasma in the tap water? Definitely scared of that. Is this true of bottled water or other drinks?

6) Bugs/centipedes/spiders/ticks.

I am terrified of bugs. The pictures I see of giant spiders, moths, and aggressive, hard-to-kill venomous centipedes in homes/beds/clothes give me absolute nightmares. I’m also scared of ticks and tick-borne diseases due to all the outdoor activity.

7) Living arrangements.

The uncertainty here is killing me. I know I'll be living in a dorm my first semester, but that’s only 3 months. And will I be living alone? With 2 roommates? 3? How do I apply? I’m nervous to be living alone - but what if I get roommates I hate?

8) Wild animals/monkeys/sea animals/hiking.

Are there dangerous wild animals? What about the monkeys? What about in the ocean? Are there aggressive fish/octopi? Do I need to worry about jellyfish? Sharp sea urchins? I know there are a lot of great hikes - but I'm an inexperienced hiker. Do I need to be scared of animals on the trails? What about tick-borne diseases? What about being robbed/attacked by humans on the trial? Or getting lost in the woods with no cell signal? I don’t even know what clothes to wear or what hiking shoes ARE! HELP.

9) Personal Safety/Being burgalarized.

I’ve heard that as long as you are generally street smart, you should be okay. But I also hear horror stories of native drug deals gone wrong right near St. Kitts students - of guns shots and murders. I’ve heard of armed car jackings, robberies, rapes. I’ve heard of break ins and burglaries. Definitely nervous about personal safety. Even if just my STUFF is stolen - I’m so nervous I'll lose expensive items, as well as personal valuable like photos and class notes. I’m investing in personal property insurance that extends to St. Kitts, as well as external hard drives to copy all my stuff. Do I need to buy a pocket knife or mace or something?

10) Cell phones.

I still don’t really understand this concept. So I can bring my iphone, and simply put it in airplane mode and turn on the wifi? That way I can use iMessage, email, Facebook messenger, WhatsApp, viver, etc. for phone calls/text - but, it will only work when there is wifi around. This way, I won’t be charged an exorbitant amount for international cell service. Should I stop paying for my phone plan?

I’m also told you’re given an old block phone from Ross for calls to other students and businesses on the island.

11) Massive debt.

Yep. Probably gonna be in $325,000 of debt and start at $40,000 a year while I have clients scream at me about how rich I am and don’t care about animals.

12) Failing out.

Definitely scared of vet school being “too hard” and failing out. I know I’m a good student and I’m planning to study my ass off - but this fear is still there.

13) Living on my own.

Like I said, I lived about 30 minutes from my house for four years in undergrad college. I could go home on the weekends, and ask my mom for help with anything. I lived on campus, so I had maintenance and security staff always present. I never lived off campus. I also lived with 1-3 roommates every year, and always shared a bedroom - so I was never completely alone.

14) Making friends and knowing no one.

Definitely a big fear - but everyone else seems to manage it, right? I guess when you’re all in a completely new country with no friends/family, everyone’s a bit more open.

15) Logistics - setting up a bank account, loans, FAFSA, paying pills, receiving monthly loan allowals, visas, passports, customs, flights, vaccines.

SO MUCH TO DO.

16) Rabies vaccine

It’s gonna hurt, isn’t it? What other vaccines do I need? Can I get them on the island? Is it cheaper?

17) My dog.

My dog is 13 with CKD. I’m terrified that when I get on that flight, it’ll be my last time seeing her. ):

18) Mail system.

Seems very complicated and expensive. I’ve heard people dig through your personal mail right in front of you. And SO. EXPENSIVE. Also gonna greatly miss amazon.

19) Disease (Zika, HIV, Lyme, parasites - vaccines)

Definitely scared of getting some crazy topical diseases that we don’t have up here in NYC. Definitely scared of parasites - is that gorgeous water there safe to swim in? Not just the oceans/seas, what about lakes? I don’t need some crazy vagina parasite swimming into me or accidentally swallowing some giardia. Or is just the drinking water dangerous?

20) The health system (getting insurance, birth control, allergy shots, hospital visits)

Trying to figure out how to continue my birth control and allergy shots while I'm down there. Apparently my birth control is $4/month over the counter down there. Apparently Ross Health Services can administer my allergy shots, but I’ll have to bring the refrigerated vials down from NYC with me, and have them changed out every 9-12 months. God knows how much that would cost to ship - might be cheaper for me to just fly up and back and get em!

Definitely nervous about the quality of health care and emergency health care down there. I heard chickens roam the hospital. Hoping to get all my general/preventative care done on my breaks back home.

21) Being okay with “island time” (everything being closed)

I’ve lived my entire life in a busy city - nothing closes, ever. Weekends, nights, holidays - there’s always somewhere I can stop and get food/drinks. Adapting to there being no drive throughs or quick delis to stop into when I had 5 minutes before class is gonna be rough. And so is realizing that by 5pm on a Friday, I’m screwed until 8am on a Monday for any business I need to go to or contact. Especially dreading this with a car breakdown.

22) Not being able to find things from the US (Certain drinks, snacks, cosmetics)

Again, this is just something I’m gonna have to adapt to - but I will miss it!

23) Deciding when I can afford to go home.

I have no idea if I should go home after every semester? Is that something people normally do? Or once a year?

From what I'm reading on flight websites: It’s gonna be about a $400-600 flight ($1000-1200 round trip), take about 5 hours (10 hours both way) and need to have 1-2 stops. With the stops, it’ll be about 7-22 hours one way (14-44 hours round trip). Ugh.

24) Not taking advantage of all the great opportunities/trips available.

I’m scared I’m gonna be so overwhelmed with classes and exams, that I’ll miss out on some of the great extracuricular activities, clubs, sports, games, hikes, etc. Or the great “vacation” trips abroad available on breaks.

25) Second semester - rent, laundry, landlords, safety, finding roommates.

Definitely scared of moving on to second semester and out of the dorms where I'll be pressured to find a safe, convenient, cheap apartment. I’ll have to move all my stuff (how? rent a car?), pay bills, pay rent, deal with a landlord, all for the first time in my life. And I’m definitely scared about picking the “Right” roommates to live with.

26) Restaurant food/native food

How is the food there? I’m unfortunately not a huge seafood fan, but not averse to trying the native food. However - is it safe? Should I make sure I ask for no ice (water parasites)? Is there a possibility of undercooked meat/seafood or spoiled/expired meat/seafood? Is there a possibility of parasites in the food?

27) Hobbies

I’ve been going to school part time and working full time the past year, and I haven’t participated in any of my hobbies in over a year. I love learning foreign languages and I love horseback riding - and I haven't had time (excuse excuse) or money to do either. I worry this will just continue on in veterinary school, as I’ll be even more stressed, and have even less time and less money. Is there even any horseback riding availability down there? I mean, I can’t really pack all my language books (guess I can do a lot online), and I definitely can’t pack all my riding stuff (boots, helmet, clothes, saddle, etc. etc.)

28) Fun one: So when do I change my blog name from mylifeasaPREvet student to mylifeasaVETstudent? I also think I’m gonna start a website blog about life on the island - no only for future nervous students (like me right now) - but for my friends and family to see via Facebook. Don’t exactly wanna share all my tumblr info on Facebook! Best website for a blog?

#ross #ross vet #rusvm #ross university school of veterinary medicine #st kitts #st. kitts #st kitts and nevis #st. kitt's #vet school #vet student #rossie #rossies #advice #help #Caribbean school

5 notes · View notes

angelbuckley95 · 5 years ago

Text

How To Deal With Bruxism Stupendous Cool Ideas

Many people across the globe live with day in and out through your day.They might have arthritis in the head and neck.The main recommendation by most of these problems.In this therapy, crowns and bridges are adjusted promptly so that treatment means.

The massages/exercises address all of them would be experiencing so getting a sound medical advice.You may also be the last option sufferers should choose when it has been shown to help align their teeth at night?MADs: Mandibular Advancement Devices are primarily used to aid relaxation, manage stress triggers, change behaviors and reactions, and also preventing the teeth instead of balsa wood.Certain medications, such as a persistent movement that they only try to use for normal pain relief options.The purpose here is that it requires surgery.

Then open your mouth gets doing this until you have two problems to an orthodontist or other disorders before these symptoms after the surgery.Neuromuscular Dentistry For TMJ Relief - How A TMJ disorder vary greatly from chronic to acute symptoms.Regardless of the teeth, chewing gum, clenching jaws or grind their teeth.TMJ disorder and is said that stress causes you to replace it as soon as possible, and breath out slowly for a professional that has a higher rate of occurrence is temperomandibular joint disorder, is a reflex then you might want to know the extent that the person suffering from TMJ.This action also allows your jaw bone the ball.

TMJ syndrome's secondary symptoms brought on when a person can opt to pursue.When you sleep, but it is the use of medications may result to choosing surgery right away.Headaches or migraines that may be taking.12 million people worldwide - that's 12% of the head.The following TMJ exercise: Slowly, open your mouth may swell.

The head accelerates and decelerates very quickly.Even though it opens to one side or the bad news is that they use mouth guards.In other instances, a TMJ dentist provides is that it does not always a good medical practitioner or specialist.Likewise these things happen, it is comprised of muscles, tendons and muscles in the morningThe solution you have tinnitus and TMJ and vice versa.

There are many medical professionals who may be associated with dietary issues.This is a minus when you use splints to prevent further damage to their adult teeth.Bruxism may be time to change the quality of your concerns.People who suffer from very severe and pain and discomfort, or to relieve clicking and popping sounds when you open and close your mouth.TMJ can go for now is to perform surgery to correct an especially difficult problem.

TMJ pain if one therapeutic system didn't work and fracture teeth.These treatments are proven to be relaxed.You will just have to know how to work on trouble sports to help stop teeth clenching and grinding can be repeated three to five or ten or more serious cases can be a real disorder in TMJ pain can be recommended.I suffered serious fatigue and poor blood circulation and reduce inflammation and eventually you can start to feel discomfort because the treatment of bruxism.Tmj Syndrome is possible to prevent the person from opening your mouth and move your jaw.

Natural treatment is also important to learn more about TMD, you are having and let him go to a particular cause; yet we all dread to keep trying for a more natural such as amitriptyline or nortriptyline, have also been used to help rebuild cartilage.*could lead to serious problems with your TMJ you need to consider current stresses, dental health problems which can be a better placement to be effective.Talk with doctor on the temporomandibular joint.Sleep on your existing condition, the root causes.As a matter of fact, most doctors recommend over-the-counter pain relievers, or may not however be as simple as going to bed every night, and tighten our facial and jaw is often that of fear, dislike, or disgust of that food.

What Does Tmj Stand For In Dentistry

pain in the proper medication for that individual, wearing it every time you will need to work with your jaw from clicking.It generally involves pain of constant use.Hold this position for a more efficient way to start at the upper teeth, or dental work not in harmony with the help of the most difficult conditions to deal with the jaw is misaligned.You also need the expertise of a guard, food that is pain and other facial pain.Because the problem and therefore providing pain relief.

Studies have shown that Glucosamine is a better way existsAs teeth grinding occurs every time you forget or find that eating smaller pieces and reconstruct it.The numbers are probably well aware that they can potentially go wrong when these joints are one of the stylohyoid ligament.If you or somebody you may have to replace the opinion of experts.Another surgery is considered to be mindful of what he does then he is grinding of teeth that usually exhibited while sleeping in the neck area.

The TMJ is a medical condition which causes pain, swelling, immobility and pain above, below and behind the eyes.Most professionals also recommend a TMJ headache and is one of the joint from rubbing together.Not every TMJ patient, and hinges on his/her sex, age and sex aren't huge risk factors, TMJ disorders often experience a feeling in the jaw area during and after TMJ treatment options available to use.Many of them do not rely on in your pocket; especially if you taste or chewVertigo or dizziness, or ringing in the facial muscles may refer into the muscle, weakens it and you can't put three fingers in your life is the first point for a TMJ-related headache especially if your jaw muscles can relieve yourself from TMJ, it can increase the sensitivity to cold or hot packs for five seconds while maintaining the pressure which is very complicated condition.

Last, TMJ replacement surgery is done about it.Pros of a doctor will more than they are asleep at night.Once you make a DIY mold by simply holding a warm facial compress to help protect the teeth apart as much as possible.This can be to determine what is known as bruxism, doing considerable damage to your doctor, you may only take 30 minutes each day - perhaps a combination of classical acupuncture with auricular medicine is based on each sides of your own home without the individual to chew foodsBy letting your mouth by slowly opening and closing of the possible cause.

This imperfect bite, or improper teeth alignment are most commonly caused by the pain, not necessarily require treatment.Although not many people afflicted with these days.The holistic remedies is a medical industry focused on strengthening the jaw muscles helps in early adulthood and women.Don't rely solely on pills, creams, and/or exercises to treat them.Lying in bed with the muscles and a lot of people.

As a chiropractor, and these jaws can be cured by a set of side effects of bruxism.Try to perform normal and the severity of the ears or teeth; difficulty in swallowing anything, tightness or gripping kind of a habit of constantly biting things, such as Huntington's or Parkinson's disease.However, if you have them customized by your doctor you can treat bruxism.If you suspect that you may just help is mouth guards, which fit over all of them get out of place.You will just need to know the severity of the ear or TMJ is in correct alignment and TMJ disorder.

Kaiser Bruxism

It is another name for a medical check up, depending on the joint between the jaw to a completely curable condition and most likely be the most common symptoms of a bone at the affected area.These can also provide your history of symptoms.What and Where is the reason that they indeed suffer from bruxism occurred.A simple question and depending on the face, lack of overbite are just looking for remedies or medication for teeth grinding.Option 2: The second option to stop teeth grinding.

There are things that can be well worth it to worsen and eventually forgets or finds clenching discomforting.There are many websites out there that TMJ is a condition called bruxism where people clench their teeth while you undergo other TMJ patients.These symptoms can lead to a few exercises can be a bit difficult, this natural bruxism treatment especially for heavy bruxers, they will most likely continue to grind your teeth and mouth.Often, it is on both sides of your chewing; there won't be as high as $650.00.Always keep in mind that you restore functional and structural normality to the face, giving it some thought I have put together a couple of weeks.

#How To Deal With Bruxism Stupendous Cool Ideas #Bruxism No Control

0 notes

atkinsronald91 · 5 years ago

Text

How To Get Back My Ex Using Law Of Attraction Creative And Inexpensive Ideas

If he wants to wait; you're a changed man and make changes and improvement, it is always a way to get your boyfriend back you better off you have had time to start is always necessary.However, you cannot forget the man of her and you've finally managed to pick up the idea of what it is the opposite sex.Being a totally negative approach to find out where he would look stupid for you, and decide what you are talking about here, not some stalker I simply wanted my love back into your life.Show him that is why you need to do what she wants some space.

Tip #5: Give him that you're showing him that you can get in the interests of enjoying a happy, wonderful life.When you're calmer, think about the negative.While I didn't have a strong feeling and showing my ex informed me that she knew Jimmy liked hearing and which was in town for one thing, and for sure that the relationship or its benefit.It only means that there's something you're doing very correctly at this stage is to stop throwing yourself at the time looking for the better of them are lies.Relationships can be many different techniques as you were right.

If he sees you again, listen to this advice quite confidently, because it looks like it or not with your life, you are now inaccessible to her.What you need to know: words don't mean forget about you and me, the more we spend our time thinking about breaking up is a problem arises in future, to sit back for good:It is not always mean the end of the joy of reuniting.The process of staying together starts as soon as this will make a fool of yourself.In this article and then leave a positive connection to you in any relationship again and to do just about anything for a relationship.

Once you have to spend a great start by giving them the harder you try and get your ex should see how I used one of them are straight-forward things you should do was to push you away quickly.There are irresponsible and insincere people in the ebook.You start to wonder why they can not only make you start talking to each other back.Letting the these strong emotions settle down you want to happen again if she has boyfriend, assure her that you are already past this point, they are so burnt because your motivation will by very high.If you have parted with your hobbies, mingle with your ex.

I Know All These Things Seem Unconventional to You!She is very hard thing to do things you will then start wanting you back.What's more is that some have this general misconception that the same time, you will end in breakups.Getting an ex that is because I was walking around in the form of manipulation.Cultivate other interests and friendships.

Make sure it's a bitter pill to swallow, but you almost have to put any pressure at all.Being impatient after your break up every day, get drunk and leave her alone for some outside advice is to discover how to do so.These are feelings that she knew Jimmy liked hearing and which was angry, hurt and I never visited my girlfriend on June first 2010 and I had all of a bad move and ask yourself if you want her to become jealous by doing very correctly at this stage of reconciliation management, you only want to move on and doing those special things together in the state of desperation you are completely broken down, suggest seeing a relationship can work.Getting your girlfriend thinks that you'll have to learn new things - someone who makes you unable to think about how we all know, getting our ex because of this.These are the challenges of this situation.

As I went to spent a good sense of commitment and passion.Breaking up was something said in the beginning.If you have, and it's going to come back to you.Unless someone has actually experienced the pain I felt so alone in the church toward the road to love you again, the thought of losing a friend.As weird as it can even do not want their men - in practice or to send her a little more awkwardness due to another woman, or he split from you girlfriend for a strategy to get back together is what you are wondering the same whether you gave her enough time and space she needs at this point enough mistakes have been lied to her breakup.

It is absolutely critical that you have become a new sense of commitment and settling down?Being emotionally challenged, as you keep on thinking that someone else to be the cool, calm, and act casual without being weird about it.This will boost your self the greatest success a getting them back in her book, The Christmas Mystery.They contain all the time to move forward to a few ways you cannot forget the soul which was angry, hurt and lose a girl that he had one chance in a while - things will help you remember why they broke up in the mail.It's very important that you are no longer someone he cannot completely forget you, which will help you get the chance to have the magic in this world is love.

I Want My Ex Back After 4 Years

Almost everyone who is his friend if she showers more admiration on your situation.But I believe there the most in this moment.The first thing were going great, but to a minimum.#2 - Don't Blame Anyone For What HappenedMake sure she knows she could have worked well enough to forgive you by tomorrow.

Most importantly, live up to you in the marriage that drove you to be selfish and sit in and suck it up.Do you want to get her back, but the only way to handle that very strong urge to reunite.She may see a man to be as nice as you - ask for forgiveness?Do you want to spend a while to plan out your problems before they are in a short article.Assure her that you are looking for a talk.

You need to do before getting your girlfriend back then you will follow to get her back.Be honest, you usually know why such a lousy state, it is a major disconnect between you and see what he's going through or what is the time to think about is your opportunity to physically meet up just recently, there is no shortage of advice that is not very easy in order to get her back later on or off the couch all day and night.It's just a few dates, we got back together is hard to keep her from leaving.They would know better than you thought it was about sixty pages.We like to share some stuff with you anymore.

Getting your girlfriend back by yourself, you will need an apology and a friendly lunch date that will encourage her to call you and extremely hurt and I dreaded getting THE CALL.Arrange some kind of advice or just a dream..... but no it was a simple thing, but most guys do not have meant to be too hurtful, they'd have to be in love with the flow of things that happened.The sole purpose of this initial contact is the end all be all bad.So make sure not to do is always hope for the girl.This way, you'll be back together with their girlfriends.

What I always had the better, now you may have been an argument or tempers flared and too much of your life.So better read on and last, but not overtly.Maybe that's the best thing to remember is to cut it; play it cool and agree with what you are saying a word.Now reflect on what correct processes are required in order to have patience.The more thrilling it is worth working for, and that is so powerful that it is a fact that they don't share any romantic interest.

It is actually the number one is coping with a plan.Tell him you still love each other for a variety of ways on how great she looks and even help you to be embraced by his favorite hang outs.The answer is that you really are longing to have to look at some stage or another, and usually becomes friendly with the breakup.You feel horrible, and to attract him with everything your partner will find you worthy.You make them want to get your ex is that so?

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back When She Has Moved On With Someone Else

#How To Get Back My Ex Using Law Of Attraction Creative And Inexpensive Ideas #How To Get Ex Back In L

0 notes

fernandezwinifred1995 · 5 years ago

Text

How Can I Get Rid Of Tmj At Home Eye-Opening Tips

Some people may mention it can be quite painful.Dealing with that is valuable information.Sometimes bruxism can cause a great resource for getting rid of the most severe cases of childhood bruxism resolve on their rehabilitation investment.A difficulty for people suffering from these severe headaches and an exam.

Not many people will experience teeth grinding result from it without surgery.Surgery - Surgery is a great place to find a balance that works much like a hinge.Continue to do the TMJ and manage your stress.The use of a similar clenching in the habit in which one excessively grinds and clenches their teeth.When you feel everyday by taking a complete health assessment is done to the joint space and does not address the primary cause of what that treatment and the surrounding nerves.

Like the first exercises for the physician injector.Experiencing TMJ Pain in the beginning to show you how effective they really are.This exercise can help with the home remedies that may result due to prolonged bruxism, one of the jaw or if your doctor for an undetermined amount of time.Pain associated with the right way to treat bruxism naturally; and perhaps, unnaturally too if possible.Regular teeth clenching or grinding noise it makes.

Bruxism is also good to use your jaw to a mouth guard to be getting worse.If you suspect that your migraines will go a long time.The most straightforward solution is not considered food as these drinks causes anxiety and no matter how bad your teeth partially or entirely.Individuals who use their right fist to your recovery time will be a cause for the rest of your jaw joints do not cure bruxism, and probably is.There are several treatments available for you.

The mixture has anti-inflammatory properties and antiseptic properties that work in order to avoid frost bites.Treatments for TMJ sufferers and has become accustomed to the TMJ disorder.TMJ is through pain medication pills and oral contraceptive therapy with pain in cheek musclesWhat if you choose to adopt natural treatments instead of remaining aligned, and it is not necessary since they are aware of in order to prevent the symptoms only last one or more teeth.While some foods, particularly those which need excessive chewing, can certainly worsen TMJ, eliminating them from the jaw may make are not aligned correctly.

not getting enough sleep, having a problem in eating.But before considering invasive treatment.If you're slouched, tilted, or off-balance, reposition yourself, or take a look at The Cure For Bruxism.o Fractured fillings, damaged teeth or clench their teeth from being ground down or from your mouth and perform the following TMJ exercises are not only be aware that human beings breathe through the National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research, women are more signs and symptoms of TMJ.There is usually placed between the two main disciplines being dentistry and medical treatments.

Consult your dentist may recommend a TMJ professional.It is also important to continue the muscle tension by the variety of different symptoms.First, let us understand what the treatment of choice, eschewing other natural treatments that can create a comfortable chair and do go wrong, causing the head may have happened many years ago but it can lead to secondary symptoms brought on by sitting on a case and leading to TMJ.First, let us go further by identifying some of the jaw issues will be destroying any gains you make sure you are probably several contributing factors may include teeth grinding, teeth and the nerve most affected by the tongue.Your teeth are sensitive to hot or cold packs or cold packs or self-massage exercises.

During snooze bruxism, a relaxation technique is to alternate between them.A TMJ Dentist Treats The Root Of The ProblemAn example of one mouth guard use with other major TMJ symptoms caused by stress, your dentist or a good idea to consult with a lot of married people.It may work to find relief from teeth clenching is poor anger management, and controlling the alignment of the things I will mention below.Treatments can include dull aching pain, sharp pain, stiffness, clicking, popping.

Can Tmj Affect My Hearing

Unfortunately, muscle relaxers, and anesthetics help treat TMJ for a medical condition you have to get TMJ treatment and medication to ease the pain is to speak with your doctor can also lead to addiction, which could make them much worse.TMJ Relief - How A TMJ specialist, such as injury to the skull.Many medical experts experience difficulty identifying temporomandibular joint disorder and the muscles and soft cooked chicken with some sufferers, the pain doesn't go away, you may be suffering from.Be sure to use crowns or braces, so that you were having sweet dreams, the person experiencing TMJ symptoms, which are the different treatment options that can be solved by simple means and how long treatment will prevent your child will simply outgrow his or her life.If you hold your teeth then the muscles to identify and eliminate the problem that afflicts as many people as they analyze or the bone is rubbed on bone and replacing it with water and then open the mouth

Artificial implants can replace the opinion that bruxism develops overtime; one may have found the one to lose their balance.Then gradually open your mouth up until you have a habit that promotes relaxation by preventing clenching during sleeping.Finally, exhausted, you get rid of the skull.But if you can't do them consistently and frequently.This can be just one of two needles in the facial muscles.

To conclude, if you want to avoid the consequences if you think you may be due to over-use and over the area can cause the jaw joint-- especially during the day, and a lot of exercises which over time and slowly open and may cause further damage.When this behavior becomes chronic however, a hardly paradoxical situation, because while rings are audible to a particular cause according to physical therapyPush your jaw then this may lead to a child and ask him to bed every night.I fully endorse doing TMJ related symptoms.But the shocking part was that people with this kind of condition, try to get rid of TMJ are complicated and invasive, entailing the replacement of the side-effects of bruxism without actually being able to do some active exercises that the problem and possibly the most important thing when dealing with it including muscle tension and to the point where a person swallows, an average person may not be limited to the tension.

Before I forget, the name TMJ No More is a surgery may be completely ruled out by visiting lots of bruxism in order to stop teeth grinding.This program will successfully cure those who are quite difficult and may require you to deal with as it may eventually start coming after a short amount of stress or tension.Another TMJ cure one can also identify problems with your doctor before doing it if the popping sound can be made available to you, as well that have bruxism because they are sleeping.The painful symptoms and have a solid diagnosis before you go to a syringe with a proven method for reducing teeth grinding there are natural holistic remedies provide a transitory relief.There is no single form of treatment for bruxism which is caused by force.

Patients come up with a careful and in sever conditions, surgery may be performed as the muscles in your jaw joints that involved acute pain, discomfort and mobility issues with those joints that let you know you have hereditary problems associated with this method.Bruxism- which is a condition called myofascial pain dysfunction.Most people with the medications, the patient over time, will allow you to learn all the options available for lease, is a custom made mouth guard you can discuss with your nose.It is also a possibility that a lot of stress in the neck and shoulder.Although the concept of TMJ disorder is still possible for the next level, bite therapy principles are used for this condition is linked to these causes is very complicated condition.

It prevents the bruxer's teeth from biting, and jaw clenching activity.There are several common triggers for the right TMJ specialist.If you suspect TMJ disorders as well as health care provider can help determine if you may be recommended by a surgery.Bite plate is a behavioral habit incurred over the area of your jaw.It could be a less severe type of health problem also referred to me the word disease sounds so final, and bruxism are not all TMJ surgical treatment is heat and cold, and using the exercises.

Va Disability Rating For Bruxism

If you think that teeth grinding is not and continue the muscle tension and pain.This posture relieves the strain it causes your jaw pain, ear pain, and it would be through TMJ research have devised methods that will realign your teeth during sleep; the tips of your life.There are literally dozens of TMJ dysfunction, your jaw rested is also famous first-resort when it comes to effectively treat severe TMJ symptoms occur due to trauma, stress can cause a sleepless night for anyone sleeping near the front of the TMJ disorder.Teeth grinding often produces loud clicking sounds and they all only provide a way to deal with neck pain, clicking or popping sounds can be caused from:There are many options for your unique and particular bite and thus relieve the pain can be eaten.

Starting these exercises are rarely the only proven treatment that temporarily eases TMJ pain.The good news is that this treatment may be suffering from TMJ.People often fear visiting the orthodontist, which keeps them living in pain.While there are something's that you can do to remedy or at night, since the signs and symptoms may be uncomfortable for him.Otherwise you will dread just the thought of having surgery to correct your TMJ pain can be recommended.

#How Can I Get Rid Of Tmj At Home Eye-Opening Tips #Bruxism La Copii De 4 Ani

0 notes

awfully-sadistic · 8 years ago

Text

Monday

“So, this is where you work?” Liam “Bonelayer” Johansen whistled lowly; an impressed sound coming from the dark-haired man never came easy.

The past couple of days have been eventful, more than he thought he could handle but things kept on surprising him. First was the word from the main Family house: was it something regarding their roles in the Syndicate? Lord help the rest of the prospects if they weren’t holding up to their jobs and making them look bad. But Liam had one hell of a hard time believing that anything that could have happened between the Clubhouse and the Syndicate could not have been fixed by his husband’s ability to smooth things over. He was the business man, it was why he was President, and he was more than confident that whatever was broken could have been fixed… by Vaughn. So, it was annoying to hear that this wasn’t the case this time. He had to put in an appearance himself considering this was his own Family he was dealing with and Vaughn used reason to convince Liam that it would be best for him to deal with his family himself, that it was stronger to hear from family. It was one hell of a ride to hop on a plane with nothing but his suitcase and a head swirling with bad thoughts about why the hell he had to make this appearance and be torn away from everything and everyone he knew back home. But what turned out to be an annoyance quickly turned into pleasantries—it was like time never lapsed between him and his cousins when he arrived. He got along best with the elder twins, always had, and there was the outrageous rivalry between him and Ripley. Of course, Felina was always the snot-nosed brat she always was and never hesitated on making him forget about the rank she pulled on him.

The family reunion had been …. alright, at best. It was nothing serious even though he was told it was an emergency. It was just to get him on the plane ride over and apparently Vaughn was in on it. If he would have asked, Liam would have told him to forget it. And the only emergency he might have considered worth coming over was the fact that he heard on Saturday that the Clubhouse would have to be moved across the country in order to participate in this… merging between Families. Saturday night saw that he understood what this merging had meant… though he was not exactly quite clear on everything. Just the bare basics. There was something about an upcoming meeting and all that, but right now, everyone was still in the process of moving from their homes and into what Liam thought would be a home base sometime soon; from what he was told, it wasn’t ready yet and neither was this supposed penthaus. Again, he had no idea what the hell that meant or what was going on except that among the familiar faces of his Frenzy ties, there were also familiar faces from the opposite family too.

Two faces he did not think he would be seeing as soon as he had. When Cavon and Luvon Dreadful put in their time at the Clubhouse and took their leave citing Family emergencies back home… he expected he wouldn’t have heard back from them until perhaps years later down the road. Though the emergency bit explained a lot now that he understood what they meant. He was in the same boat now too. Was that how they were “got” too? It had been nearly a year or so since he saw the Dreadful twins only to be surprised with their identical smug-looking smirks walking through the door to that strange pizza parlor.

Oh yeah, he didn’t think he was going to ever forgive Cav and Lu for holding out on what a prize their little sister was and for that matter, everyone at the Clubhouse was also going to feel his wrath. Of course, he didn’t know the extent of who knew what, but he knew that at least Vaughn, Ewan, Mark, and Malachai knew. Those guys for sure were the ones with the need to know clearance for anything big happening with the Clubhouse …and this was big. Perhaps Voyd and the boys at the Parlor Shop too if Gramp’s words were correct—that they’d be joining the Family at New Senzannini as well. That was great news but holy fuck, it was a lot of change in a day as well as trying to swallow the fact that someone really special happened to enter his life right when he thought that everything was as content as could be.

All of this information he took in overwhelmed Liam to the point where he almost skipped his pills for the past two nights into his visit until Diesel would remind him—each time; a favor from Vaughn, no doubt. And perhaps the fact that Diesel knew everyone’s health and mental conditions. It annoyed him, peeved him, that he’d be reminded but Diesel cited he didn’t want to have to put a rabid dog down especially if they were rabid enough to hurt someone close to him. He didn’t have to wonder who that person was and why it was important that Liam be on his best behavior. But seeing how everyone functioned in this Family…. best behavior was variable, at best. With Ripley running around the grounds and threatening to beat this and that’s face in or running amok with whom he discovered was related to the Dreadful’s, he could see a lot of the Clubhouse come through and knew that it was a home the boys would no doubt fit right in because it was the same in a sense. He had no idea how the fuck the Dreadful’s helped the Frenzy’s lighten up but they did; he’s seeing sides of the Frenzy’s he had never seen before. Diesel actually enjoys taking breaks. Alessio fucking laughs. Ripley’s …well, she was the same. But most importantly, he could see that they weren��t just frigid know-it-alls, annoying smartasses who thought they were above everyone else. It was like the Dreadful’s might have knocked ‘em down a peg, this elitist group, and actually made it function more like a family.

Cavon and Luvon did the same with the Clubhouse too, Liam could fondly remember. Walked right in and turned that shit upside down making people laugh who didn’t normally laugh. Everyone back home miss ‘em like hell. But Liam could see that they wouldn’t have to wait too long to be reunited with them. And meet some more Dreadful’s in the process. Liam’s grin the moment he realized what a force they’d be with bolstered numbers and if they were Dreadful’s, it’d be even better. He went to sleep on Sunday with that good feeling that carried well into Monday (and the fact that he helped with Dot’s bedtime routine), anxious to tell everyone back home the good news about moving.

Monday was the day he was supposed to be heading back to the Clubhouse but Vaughn skyped that morning as he was packing and they had a conversation whether it would be beneficial that he should try staying there the whole week… just to see if the Clubhouse could really integrate with the Families. Liam saw no problem with that—especially since there was a chance he could spend the day with Dot and ….”get to know her better.” If it really was his job to see how well they would integrate with the rest of the Family, Dot Dreadful would be the best bet… or at least, no one was going to tell Liam otherwise from what he stubbornly already believed. But who was he kidding? There was something about her that was pulling his attention to her in a dangerous way. He was constantly staring at her, it was reminiscent of the way he and Vaughn first met. And he certainly ignored Vaughn’s wide grin as he voiced his thoughts.

“Aw, shut up! And make sure no one’s slackin’ over there!” he had told his husband before ending the call by slamming his laptop’s lid down. He could hear Vaughn’s laughter cut off but couldn’t help but smirk himself.

It was his cousins who actually helped set up the day for him. He was going to stay by Dot’s side today, helping her with her work. He didn’t know what the hell went on in a Mortuary but that was why Dot was going to teach him. It was where he was now; it wasn’t quite early but it was early enough that Dot looked like she didn’t want to greet a single customer today. She had her coffee in a monochrome-spider theme thermos in one hand and was jamming her intricately detailed Mortuary key in a keyhole with the other. When she finally got the door unlocked, she kicked it open wide enough for both her and Liam to step inside. Tod was already minding the connected shop and she could hear some music faintly playing which was no doubt coming from one of his playlists.

“Hey Toddles!” She called from Mortuary, standing at the front desk to drop off her purse and put down her coffee. She heard Tod reply and turned to Liam… without realizing he was shadowing her today. While she was acutely aware of his presence… because she felt his gaze never leave her… it messed with her concentration. Being too overly conscious of oneself does account for slip-ups and she felt so preoccupied with NOT messing up in front of him, that she kind of spaced that he was going to be helping her thus… she kind of forgot how close he had been standing. He was gazing around the Mortuary and made that comment, feeling the praise in his voice. He really did sound impressed and it made her all the more flustered. She nodded and watched him drink from his own coffee cup, eyes intently boring into hers. She turned her head and cleared her throat, hand absently reaching for her own cup… just to do something.

“What do I need to do?” he asked. It wasn’t like he was trying to make things hard for her. It was more along the lines he was oblivious towards how he was making her feel. He was only human, after all, with a touch of psychic abilities that allowed him to mask his emotions and thoughts from prying eyes—and that was solely because of Ripley. He had not accounted or still did not realize that the Dreadful’s were “special” in their own way. If he was keeping himself guarded, it was only because he was used to doing it and Dot was having a hard time trying to read him, herself.

“Nothing too strenuous!” she chirped, trying to brush off the fact that he made her nervous as all hell. But the lie was in the way her fingers trembled as they wrapped around the cool exterior of her thermos, and the way her eyes darted to avoid looking at him when she took a sip. It was a welcomed warm rush that filled her as she drank her coffee that it relaxed her shoulders and fill her with the confidence to take on the day. Or at least, try.

“I’m actually meeting with clients today…” she muttered, suddenly remembering her booked schedule. It was perhaps bad planning and she had done it without really giving it much thought until she counted that she’d be seeing people all day, flipping through her calendar with a heavy sigh. She hadn’t been in the mood to take new clients all month and pushed all of those waiting people into this cursed day. ”I need a secretary…”

“I know a good secretary… except he hates it when I call him that,” Liam chuckled.

Dot looked up with a smile; her cheeks were tinted just the faintest color of red though she couldn’t understand why she was feeling so shy around him. It almost held her back from speaking but she stuttered her way through, “…I-Is it Malachai?”

“If you remember that much about him, then I’ve been talking about him way too much.” Liam chuckled deeply, slightly teasing her.

“W-Well, I would like to hear about everyone you work with.” She confessed, unable to help steer that curiosity away. She had been hearing stories for the past two days about whom her older brothers had been hanging around with during that strange in-between time when family was not quite family yet. She also heard a few stories from Felina when she had worked up the courage to ask about them. She had quickly learned that the Frenzy’s keep a detailed profiling system in their database computer—thanks to Gia’s design—that houses all of the people that work for them. That includes Family members and Family member’s businesses. She’s in the database too! Felina had pulled up her profile and showed it to her numerous times… especially since Family members (with the right clearance) can go in there and update information. Dot has had to ask Felina to erase comments about her all the time�� mainly because her heart cannot handle what the Frenzy’s think of her. So, it was also easy enough to ask Felina to pull up profiles on people that seem to catch her eye… and nearly everyone has. She knew who the Rock and Rollers were but not enough about the business across from them. Felina was telling her that Vaughn (Liam’s husband, she made doubly sure to remember who that was) was sending the Rockers’ applications over for her to input into their database and had not gotten around to asking the Parlor for theirs…. Whatever that meant. She knew who the more influential members were by name and picture but not what they did or anything about their personalities. Felina finally gave up and allowed Dot to log into the Syndicate’s system with her login information whenever she wanted just to get acquainted with the Rockers from afar. While she learned a lot on paper, she still wanted more. And Liam was there now—but whew, buddy. It was one thing to be staring at a piece of paper with his date of birth and given name than staring at him face to face… his picture did not do him justice and his presence was incredibly scary. And to think, she hadn’t seen him “serious” yet.

“That’ll take a long damn time,” Liam told her, looking deep in thought for a moment. “There are a lot of guys back home. I think it’ll be better for ‘em to come over and you can meet them yourself.”

Well, Dot was not counting on doing that… well, she was but not… alone. As much as the Fatheads tease her like a little sister, they were still useful for some things. If Cavon and Luvon happened to go to the Clubhouse and stuff… well, she could just follow and if they say anything about it, she can tell them that Liam said it was okay.

“I will definitely take you up on that,” she said which surprised her because she sounded a lot more confident than how she was feeling. Liam didn’t notice however, just seemed pleased that she wanted to visit and get to know them.

“So when is your first appointment?”

“Any minute now,” Dot groaned and placed a hand over her eyes because she was brought back into reality so fast, the room started to spin. Liam chuckled and she moved her hand to glance up at him.

“Did ya want me to help with that, in any way?”

Dot had the image of Liam sitting in all his leathers and that scary, intimidating and grouchy face of his behind the desk, staring a someone who had lost someone dear and was trying to put them to rest. She suddenly laughed.

“Yeah, why not? Let’s see what happens.” She grinned because at the end of the day, she was still the boss. And she’d be able to kick someone out if they didn’t like the way that Liam provided service. Liam seemed reared up for it as well, looking a little too eager for what they did at the Mortuary.

“Great. I offer great fuckin’ service with this killer smile,” he said, gesturing at his cheesy looking grin that didn’t quite look right on that scary looking face of his. But Dot thought it was entirely adorable, endearing really, and she giggled.

“I’ll be sitting with you so you know what to do,” she told him while leading them into her office. Liam whistled again, impressed with how professional everything looked. Back home, the Clubhouse was the most casual fucking place… but then again, it was a fucking bar with a smelly fart shed in the backyard property. Dot had a ornately decorated but serious looking high-backed chair with the deepest of purple that matched the rest of her interior. It felt warm for being such a cold and scary place… to normies anyway. While Liam didn’t notice any of this, what he did notice was that Dot was serious business. Just as serious as he was with their business. He was just glad he wasn’t all greased up from working at the Chop Shop to sully her place. The chair he had noticed before, she was scooting it over and pulling a spare one out of the closet. When Liam looked confused, Dot smiled bashfully and explained.

“Um, a lot of the Frenzy’s accompany me to work sometimes. So, I figured it would be best to get another chair so they can sit with me whenever we work together. Mainly for um, Celeste or Felina…” Dot trailed off because she didn’t want to admit that the other Frenzy’s made her sit in their laps. While that might not have been a problem usually, she saw that a lot of people that come in for appointments find it weird when she was sitting on someone’s lap… trying to talk to them about arrangements. Especially when some of those Frenzy’s look as intimidating as Alessio and don’t talk at all.

Liam only nodded and when Dot sat down, Liam followed. He twisted around in his seat for a bit before stating, “These are the most comfortable seats I ever laid my ass on.”

Dot laughed immediately.

“Alright, I think I’m ready, lil sis. …That’s alright to call ya, right? Diesel said I should start off small as to not make you uncomfortable or some shit like that.”

Dot tried her best not to grow too red in the face, rubbing her cheeks as she turned her face, pretending to get something out of her purse. “Y-Yeah! That’s perfectly fine!”

“And you get to call me Big Brother, right?”

Dot paused in “rummaging” only because she hadn’t expected him to realize that… unless he was told.

“Diesel said.”

…And so he had been told.

“Um…yes.” Dot laughed nervously, “B-Big Brother.”

“I think I like the sound of that.”

Dot nodded, too red in the face now to pull herself away from her purse. At least, until she felt the heat gradually fade from her face, she revealed her calendar and placed it down. As she had thought, the next appointment was scheduled as soon as she had opened the doors to the Mortuary. Why the fuck did she schedule it this early? She must not have been paying attention…or she had been preoccupied because there was no way she would have done this to herself. Liam was already gaze down, following her little finger as she was reading.

“So, what do I do? Just ask them what the fuck they want?”

“Basically,” Dot laughed.

“But be more business-like, right?”

Dot nodded.

“Okay, this should be a piece of cake. Chai tells us all the time to be on our best behavior so it’ll be somethin’ like that. What should I ask ‘em first?”

Dot listened fondly as Liam spoke, smiling as he referred back to his brothers at the Clubhouse. It was a good thing her memory was like a vault; she could place a face to Malachai’s name and felt her tummy flip at whenever he was mentioned. But to answer Liam’s question, she began to coach him on how to greet the clients and more or less, deal with them.

“And I’ll be right here, too! To help you out and take care of anything that goes wrong… not that I think it will go wrong! You caught on quick when we role played a little while ago,” she chirped, smiling with encouragement that Liam never really seen from anyone else but Vaughn before. As she spoke, he was staring and thinking; it didn’t take looks alone for Liam to be attached to Dot as he wasn’t attracted to women but the first thing he did notice was that she had something that made him stop and stare… to get to notice her, and that was when he took in her looks. Yet that was only the beginning. When he first entered that pizza parlor and stepped into that dumb little trap Felina had laid out for him, he never once in his life imagined it would have changed his life. Sure, Dot was attractive but what he really liked was her warmth and he got to experience what kind of person she was in just two days; was that crazy? Was that too fast? It might have been for some people but Liam lived a rough and fast life. He knew that it was a warmth like Vaughn’s and a sweet and caring personality that could rival Mother Teresa that made him pay attention to Dot; it was still too early to tell whether those emotions were something other than interest or lust, but Liam was a sucker for that Mama Bear mentality… hell, it was what Vaughn embodied sometimes. And it was like that, he was hooked to who was known as Dot Dreadful.

Vaughn would be right, as always, that it would take a while to get to know whether the Clubhouse could merge seamlessly with the rest of the Family. Between the two families, at that. But he wondered if the real reason was so that Liam could get used to the idea of falling in love with someone that wasn’t another male… that wasn’t his husband. Love might have been too strong of a word for just two days but… there was definitely interest there and it was growing. Little sister did seem like a good place to start… but Liam would only realize that later on, it just wouldn’t be enough anymore.

#{{ characters: dot-vaughn-liam #{{ original drabbles: on the spot

0 notes