#forget a journal; I have the Tumblr tags

[foxycipher]

I love venting about my life in the tags. Nobody ever reads them <3

[archivesweats]

How do y’all survive the wait time for things to dry. I’m so bad at waiting 🥲 finally got my Taroko Enigma notebook in the mail this morning, so I’m swatching everything all over again.

[manwithoutaspleen]

more transition rambling

as upset as i sometimes get about not passing, i still love what transitioning is doing for/to my body so much. like i never get sick of seeing how hairy i’m getting, i’m impatient for more facial hair and so excited to have stubble and one side burn (and i would love for both side burns to come in.) my chest hair has started coming in the past few weeks and THATS been a thrill.

every time i hear myself singing and actually like how i sound? every time i laugh weird and sound like my brother, who i love so much? every time i see a friend for the first time in awhile

it’s just, life has been so hard for like, a year and a half now, and while i do think i’m finally on the upswing, there’s a lot of new trauma to deal with. but one thing i’ve learned from all this is how to take care of myself so, so well. i can love and care for myself now in ways i never imagined being possible. and having a body that actually brings me joy makes that so much easier.

and like, it’s especially resonant to have a body that actually brings JOY when i’ve had chronic pain since i was 12. when this all started because i got a new disability. my body can do less and hurts more and i still love it more. its harder to care for, but i’m trying harder.

transitioning has saved my life in SO many ways i could not be more grateful that i finally did it

[sacerdotessa]

Midheaven in signs

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If you’re an IG page and want to repost this, don’t forget to tag the creator: @sacerdotess4 on IG or @s4cerdotessa on TikTok

Don’t plagiarize, you were born original, don’t die a copy.

I'm back with a new post after a very long time! I missed my tumblr community so much, I'm going to post new things soon!

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Aries Midheaven:

you’re such a competitive individual and an innovator, you’re not afraid of taking risks and being bold. It’s hard for you to depend on other people, you need to be your own leader when it comes to your career. The perfect career path involves a lot of action and dynamism, following every day the same routine is not something that appeals you. As a driven individual, you thrive on challenges and are always seeking new opportunities to grow and learn. You have a natural ability to think outside of the box and come up with innovative solutions to problems. You're not afraid to take risks and push yourself outside of your comfort zone, because you know that's where growth happens. When it comes to your career, you're not content with simply following the crowd. You need to be in control of your own destiny and chart your own path. You have a strong sense of purpose and direction, and you're not afraid to pursue your dreams with relentless determination. The perfect career for you is one that allows you to constantly evolve and adapt. You need to be challenged, stimulated, and engaged in your work on a daily basis. With your competitive spirit and innovative mindset, you're sure to make a real impact in whatever career path you choose

Taurus Midheaven:

Your top priorities are stability, enjoying life and being creative. You prefer to approach your career methodically, following a routine is not something that bothers you. You have amazing taste and expressing your creativity is very important for you. You might enjoy a career path that involves aesthetics and creativity, you might also enjoy a job that revolves around food (you might be a great chef). You should choose a career that aligns with your priorities and natural abilities, for example, exploring opportunities in the creative arts. You could pursue a career as a graphic designer, interior decorator, or fashion designer. Alternatively, you may find fulfillment in the culinary arts, either as a chef or food stylist. Whatever path you choose, be sure to focus on finding a work-life balance that allows you to enjoy the stability and creative expression that you value most. Remember, the most fulfilling career is one that brings you joy and satisfaction in all aspects of your life.

Gemini Midheaven:

You’re such a curious and multitalented individual, you might enjoy exploring multiple career paths during your lifetime. You’re talented when it comes to communications, media, journalism and anything that’s connected with writing. Routine is something that annoys you, you should choose a career path that involves a variety of activities. You’re also extremely expressive, you might be a talented actor. There are many career options that could suit your unique set of skills and interests. You should also consider pursuing a career in public relations or marketing because these fields often involve a mix of writing, communication, and creativity. Another option to consider is working in the entertainment industry, where your expressive nature and love for variety could be put to good use. You could explore opportunities in acting, directing, or even producing. With your natural curiosity and multitalented abilities, the possibilities are endless. Don't be afraid to try new things and explore different paths.

Cancer Midheaven:

Nurturing and taking care of those around you feels like a life mission for you. You’re such an empathetic soul, connecting with those around you and being sure that you’re working on making the world a better place is very important for you. You might be interested in a career that involves being around children or those who need support. Your natural inclination towards empathy and compassion makes you an ideal candidate to work with individuals who need emotional support and care. A career in counseling, social work, or education could be a fulfilling path for you to explore. You have the ability to connect with others on a deep level and understand their needs, making it easier for you to provide the necessary support and guidance. Additionally, your warm and nurturing personality would be a valuable asset in any team or workplace environment.

Leo Midheaven:

You’re such an ambitious individual and you love being in the spotlight. You’re a natural-born leader and you constantly need to attract other people's attention. You might be a good actor, singer or influencer. Being popular and influential seems to be some of your biggest goals. However, it's important to remember to use your platform for good. As a leader and influencer, you have the power to positively impact and inspire others. Consider using your talents and popularity to promote important causes or raise awareness about issues that matter to you. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. It's also important to stay grounded and humble, and not let fame or attention get to your head. Stay true to yourself and your values, and continue to work hard towards your goals while also making a positive impact on the world.

Virgo Midheaven:

You prefer a career path that brings you stability instead of one that brings you power and fame. Being in the spotlight is not something that appeals you and you prefer to help others instead of being at the center of the attention. Being helpful is very important for you, being a doctor or working in the healthcare field seems to be perfect for you. You might consider becoming a nurse, a physical therapist, or a medical assistant. You might also be interested in working with animals (becoming a veterinarian). If you have a passion for nature, you might consider a career in conservation or environmental science. Whatever path you choose, you can be sure that your desire to help others and make a difference in the world will be fulfilled.

Libra Midheaven:

You might be interested in working in a field connected with communication or art (you might be a great graphic designer), you might also be an amazing stylist or director, you know how to connect the right people and coordinate a team. You’re such a creative person and you love to express yourself, you’re also amazing when it comes to discovering other people's talents and valorizing them. You prefer facts over feelings and you have a logical mind, you might be a good lawyer. Don't be afraid to explore different options and take risks in order to find the right fit for you. Whether it's in the realm of communication, art, or law, there are countless opportunities available for those with this placement. Remember to stay true to yourself and never stop learning and growing in your chosen field. With hard work and perseverance, you can achieve great things and make a positive impact on the world around you.

Scorpio Midheaven:

You’re such a private person, being in the spotlight is not something that appeals you, and working behind the scenes seems to be a better option. You’re such a deep person who enjoys mysteries and taboos, you might be an amazing investigator, surgeon or psychologist. You’re not afraid of taking responsibility and making tough decisions, which makes you a great leader. Your ability to analyze situations and think critically also makes you an asset in any team. Your calm and composed demeanor in high-pressure situations is admirable. You have a great sense of empathy and understanding towards others, which is a valuable trait in any profession. Your dedication and hard work have helped you achieve success in your career, and your determination will continue to take you further.

Sagittarius Midheaven:

You’re an explorer and learning new things seems to be one of your biggest passions. You might be an amazing teacher, those around you love to hear you talking about what makes you feel passionate. You might explore many different career path during your lifetime and you seems to be kinda lucky when it comes to money and finding good opportunities. Your career could also revolve around traveling and exploring new places. Your adventurous spirit is what sets you apart from others. You thrive on the excitement of discovering new things and visiting uncharted territories. You have a natural curiosity and a thirst for knowledge that drives you to explore different cultures, cuisines, and ways of life. Your love for learning is contagious and people around you are drawn to your enthusiasm. As a teacher, you have a unique ability to make complex concepts easy to understand. You have a way with words that captivates your audience and makes them feel excited to learn. Your career path may take you in many different directions, but one thing is for sure – you will never be bored.

Capricorn Midheaven:

You’re extremely ambitious and kinda “obsessed” when it comes to your career. Your reputation is very important for you, being perceived as someone who is important and influential is one of your biggest goals. You have a solid work ethic. You might be interested in finance or business. You’re an amazing leader, you tend to be admired by those around you for your success. However, it's important to remember that success isn't everything. While ambition is a great quality, it's also important to take breaks and prioritize self-care. It's okay to step back and reassess your goals and priorities. Don't forget to give yourself credit for how far you've already come. Remember that being a good leader also means being able to take care of yourself and those around you. Keep striving for success, but don't forget to enjoy the journey along the way.

Aquarius Midheaven:

You’re attracted to unconventional paths, not everybody are going to understand your job. You might try many different career during your lifetime, you’re someone who gets easily bored, starting again is something that makes you feel excited. You might work with technology (you might be a software engineer) or social network, you’re attracted to every jobs that involves technology, innovation and communication. Don't be afraid to take risks and try new things, but also be mindful of your long-term goals and aspirations. With your unconventional mindset and willingness to explore, you're sure to find a career path that suits you and makes you feel fulfilled. Keep an open mind and embrace the journey ahead!

Pisces Midheaven:

You’re not such a consistent person when it comes to your career, living in a capitalistic society is very hard for you. You’re such a creative person with a deep and insightful personality, you love to take care of others and you also love to express yourself through art. You might be an amazing artist and many people could feel inspired by your creations. You might also be a great therapist who has the ability to understand and empathize with others on a deep level. Whatever path you choose, it's important to remember that your unique perspective and talents are valuable and can make a positive impact on those around you. Don't be afraid to pursue your passions and explore different avenues until you find the career that truly fulfills you. With your creativity and caring nature, there's no limit to what you can achieve.

[carmyberzattosjournal]

Entry 30: Pink Lace

(No image, Z is very tired)

Bearblr Promptober Day 30: Sweaters

Summary: Carmy's girlfriend (who he calls Darling) sends him a photo when he's late coming home, and she awakens The Bear.

Warnings: Swearing, oral sex (f receiving), Carmy is sir'd, fem reader/lass who is a trauma surgeon, she/her pronouns. (661 words) Smut.

Notes: All journal entries will be titled as such and tagged with #cb journal.

Thank you for reading. Thank you to @carmenberzattosgf for putting together this prompt list. Sideblog for commentary and yapping: @m-z-shoroi

Also, if random letters or words are black/white instead of the colors they should be, that's Tumblr being dumb, I've been fighting it for weeks.

30 Oct 2024

Darling sent me a selfie of her in my gray cable knit sweater, and I had to leave the restaurant.

It was past close already, but there was so much little shit that’d been put off for so long, that my anxiety latched onto so badly, that I couldn’t stop fucking cleaning. I’d scrubbed down the kitchen all over again and was in the process of moving the tables and chairs into better arrangements when my phone chimed at me. 11:30 pm. Photo from Darling.

She was in my sweater, lying in bed, dim lighting, but enough to see that her pupils were blown out. Lip pink and swollen from biting it. Just at the edge of the frame, her hand was underneath some fuchsia lace. Between her legs.

My stomach did a backflip.

Where are you?

Leaving right now, I replied.

The walk home was agony. It took forever and a thousand years to get back to the apartment when all I could think about was that sweater and that pink fucking lace. I could almost feel it fraying apart under my fingers as I tore it off, almost taste the heat of her cunt on my tongue, hear her moaning my name, feel her fingers tangled in my hair. My heart threatened to crack my ribs, my hands were shaking, thank fuck, thank fuck, thank fuck it was so late and no one was out at that hour or the embarrassment of being seen in such a wrecked state would’ve given me a fucking heart attack.

She was still in bed when I got home. Went to get up.

“No, you stay right fucking there,” I growled, throwing my jacket to the floor.

Her eyes locked on mine for a moment before darting away. I dragged her down to the end of the bed by the ankle, causing the sweater to ride up and reveal that pink lace with a prominent dark spot at the front.

“Hey! Woah, easy, Carm!” she squeaked.

“You want me to go fucking easy when you do something like that?” Did I really just say that to her?

I yanked the lace down her legs.

“I just wanted to—don’t rip them! I like them!”

“I’ll buy you new ones.” It came out frustrated. Angry, almost. The fuck? Why? What had gotten into me?

“Carmy-Carm, you should eat dinner and get a show…er…” she stopped when I dragged her down further and threw her leg over my shoulder.

This is dinner.

I bit her inner thigh hard enough for her to jump and whine. That’s for pulling shit like this. You wanna act like a whore, you can get marked up like one.

“You fucked up and decided to be a fucking tease on a day I already wanted out of my reality, so now you’re gonna lie here and fucking take it, am I making myself clear?”

Her larynx clicked. She flopped onto the bed and draped her arm over her eyes. “Carmy, please, I have work tomorrow.”

You should’ve thought about that before sending me the picture. “Am I making myself clear?”

“Y-yes, sir.”

I dragged the flat of my tongue up her soaking wet cunt, and she flinched again. Fuck, it made my head spin just how wet she was. It was enough that her cunt was this soft heat that begged to be loved, but when she was so wet, so slick, it shattered any ounce of self-control I had. I wanted all of her. I would devour all of her, and she’d beg for more. Fuck, her pussy was so fucking good that it made me forget everything in the world. All the stress from work, from life, from people, it evaporated and my whole existence became that soft, tight, wet heat, her hands in my hair, her delicious moans.

You have work tomorrow, do you?

You woke up the Bear. You have no one to blame but yourself.

End Note: This one is also truncated, but yer friendly neighborhood journal thief is struggle-bussin' right now. Thank you for reading.

[dfortrafalgar]

I'm Losing You... (But We're Filling the Cracks)

Having a family isn't always as easy as fairy tales make it seem. But sometimes, you just need a little bit of love... and a little bit of science.

Warnings: read chapter 1 for warnings

(also it's far too late in the game for me to be asking this but can someone help me figure out why everyone's blogs outside of the first five people in the tag list dont show up. ive been on tumblr since like 2014 and still cannot figure this stuff out im sobbing)

Taglist: @phsycochan | @mirillua | @augustanna | @chaixsherlock | @whore-of-many-hot-men | @nerdisthenewcool | @lilypadmomentum | @1dkneo | @kitsunechan707

Chapter 28

[Prev] [Next]

Your maternity leave had started early, not helped by how active one of your babies was at the crack of dawn.  Every morning when you woke up to the sound of your alarm and rolled over to hoist yourself out of bed, you felt a kick against your abdomen.  When you stood up, you felt that familiar fluttering sensation.  One morning, you slept in only a few minutes longer than you normally did, and were punished with a small shove against your bladder that had you involuntarily unloading your urine into your pajama bottoms.

That one made you cry, Law keeping his chuckles to himself as he helped you clean up in the bathroom.

“Stop berating them through my stomach,” you sobbed.  “I just pissed my pants.”

Your husband had answered you with a soft kiss to your swollen skin as he bent down to pick up your soiled clothing and bring them to your washing machine.  “It happens, darling.  It wasn’t your fault.”

Needless to say, it had been an emotional third trimester thus far.

On a Friday evening, you were sitting reclined against the arm of your couch, a book resting on your belly as you munched on some apple slices when Law came bursting through the door.  He was frantic to kick off his shoes and shrug off his lab coat, hanging it on the hooks in the entryway before scrambling into the living room and plopping himself down next to you.  He was holding a notebook in his hand.

“Hello to you, too,” you stated sarcastically, placing a paper bookmark in your novel to mark your spot and adjusting yourself on the couch to sit with your legs crossed under you.

“I was busy on my break today,” Law stated matter-of-factly, flipping through the wrinkled notebook with a fervor.  When he found the page he was looking for, he folded the journal in half and held out the exposed page to face you.

A bunch of squares and barely legible writing covered the lined paper.  You squinted.  “I have no idea what I’m looking at, babe.”

Law rarely had moments where he got so excited that he couldn’t speak, but this was clearly one of those moments.  He would forget that other people didn’t have over 20 years of medical training going back to the age of five.  “Sorry, sorry.”  He turned the notebook back toward him, using his finger to point out what he had scribbled down.  “These are genetic predictions.  It’s estimated that about 50% of fraternal twins will be opposite genders, so a boy and a girl.  Which means about 25% will be both boys, and about 25% will be both girls.”  He moved his finger from one scribble to another.  “I have black hair, which I’m assuming to be the dominant gene among the two of us.  However, I’m also a carrier for brown hair, because my mother and sister both were brunettes.  Accounting for your hair color, I’m estimating that it’s a 75% chance that both of our babies will have black hair.  At least one of our babies will have my eye color, but I believe your eyes are the dominant trait.  I remember you saying at one point that someone in your family had curly hair, right?  I’m estimating a 25% chance that at least one of our kids will have curly hair.  If both of our babies are boys, the chances are 75% that they’ll be colorblind, and 25% that only one of them will be colorblind.  If both are girls, it’s a 75% chance that both of them will be carriers for the colorblind gene, 25% that only one of them will be.  But again, this is all approximations.  So then I started thinking about more technical stuff.  I have B+ blood, but I couldn’t remember what your blood type was, so we have to go off of the Rh factor, which is dominant with positive Rh, which means that at least one of our babies will have Rh positive blood, likely both.  Male pattern baldness is also a dominant trait in most families, but I’m 26 and still have a full head of hair, so hopefully if we have a boy, he won’t have to worry about hair loss.  Funnily enough, I learned today that having six fingers on one or both hands can actually be a dominant allele in some genetic lines, but neither of our family members have had any form of polydactyly that I can recall.  Just an interesting thought.  Anyway–”

Your shoulders were shaking with your laughter.  “Law, slow down!  Breathe!”  Your hands reached forward to grab his shoulders to settle his excited rambling, his face slowly losing color as he was speaking more than he was absorbing oxygen.

You watched as your husband took a long gulp of hair in before blowing it out slowly.  “Sorry.  I got excited.”

“Don’t apologize, you’re adorable,” you replied, stroking your hand along his cheek.  “How long did it take you to write all that down?”

Law glanced one more time at his notebook before closing it and discarding it on the coffee table.  “About 15 minutes.”

You snorted.  “I hope intelligence is a dominant trait so that both of our kids will be as smart as you.”

“You’re smart too,” he argued back, his voice light and content.

“Not ‘scribble down multiple punnett squares in 15 minutes’ smart,” you countered.  “Have you eaten anything yet?”

He shook his head, stretching his arms behind his back.  “Nope, I came straight home.  I was too excited to show you that.”

You grinned, struggling to lean forward to kiss the tip of his nose.  He assisted you by leaning forward on his own legs, pressing his forehead to yours.

“How have you been feeling?” he asked suddenly, diverting the topic.  One of his hands came to rest on the crest of your belly, petting the taught skin through your shirt.

“Tired,” you replied.  “It’s hard to stand up.  Robin said both babies are probably around 2 or 3 pounds by now, but honestly it feels like I’m carrying lead weights when I stand.  I feel like a turtle.”

“Any more movement?” he asked, scooting over the cushions to be closer to you, wrapping one of his arms around your shoulders to pull you into him.  You gladly followed his gesture, dropping your head into his neck.

“One of them moves in the morning still, the other likes to kick when I go to bed.  The only reason I’ve been able to tell is because I feel them on different sides,” you groaned.  “I don’t know what it looks like with them folded up in there, but they haven’t made it easy on me.”

Law hummed in response, his free hand stroking your belly.  The feeling of his palm against your bump felt more soothing than the finest lotion.  “I’m just glad that they’re both okay… not like I’m thrilled that you’re in pain, obviously, but…”

“No, trust me, I am too,” you sighed, closing your eyes.  “I’ve made it this long now, and both of them are still alive.  And pretty soon…”

Your husband knew exactly what you were going to say when your voice trailed off.  It was a subject the two of you had been tip-toeing around for quite some time.

The birth.

“That’s the one thing that’s still scaring me,” you admitted.  “I’m already high risk, and anything could go wrong.  I might have to be ripped open while awake to get them out.  I might die, even.”

Law felt his chest clench.  “Don’t say that, you won’t die.”

“But we don’t know that,” you sighed, your voice growing more nervous by the second.

“No, you won’t die,” he replied firmly.

You felt mildly guilty for broaching the subject.  You knew how difficult it was for him to even think about the slim chance of losing his family again, not when he had come so far and achieved so much with you.  You leaned your head upward to kiss the soft skin of his neck, his sideburns tickling your forehead.  You felt his arm around your shoulder pull you even closer to him, his breaths shallow.

“I’m sorry…” you muttered.

“Don’t be,” he responded quickly.  “I mean it.  You have nothing to be sorry for.”

His hand dropped from your belly to grasp your own, tilting his head down to meet your own as his lips gently pressed against yours.  Your eyes slipped closed, leaning into his tender kiss and wrapping your free arm around his torso.  The size of your belly made it hard to be flush against him, but you made do.  After all, you would have to get used to cuddling with two babies soon enough.

You pulled away from his lips.  “Hey, so how’s the studying been?  For that surgery?”

Law groaned, not at you, but at the mere thought of the looming procedure that had been bearing on his mind for the past eight weeks.  “I feel like I’m back in med school, that’s for sure.  I feel ready for it, but at the same time I can never be too prepared.  It’s going to be… a lot.”

Dual heart-lung transplants were very, very rare, and used for the most severe of cases.  The procedure had never been performed at Law’s hospital before.  Single heart transplants had been done, and a few lung transplants, but never at the same time.  Law’s cardiac ward was specifically chosen for the operation because of the young doctor’s expertise in the field.  The patient’s life was quite literally in Law’s hands.

A small smirk flashed on his face.  “I started wearing gloves in that patient’s room with his family.  I don’t want them to see the tattoos on my fingers.”

“Do you not wear gloves for any other patients?” you asked with a small giggle.  

“No, I do, when performing treatments.  When I’m on rounds, I just stick my hands in my pockets,” he explained.  He had one dimple on his cheek that showed up when he smiled.  You couldn’t help but peck a quick kiss to it.  His stomach suddenly grumbled, startling the two of you.

“You stay right here, I’ll make us some dinner,” he said, making a move to stand up.

“Pancakes,” you demanded with your own mischievous smirk.

“We had pancakes a week ago,” he replied with a smile.

“And?”

Law leaned down for one last kiss on the crown of your head.  “Alright.  Pancakes it is.”

—

Your pregnancy journal had gone from an anxious possession that you worried would jynx your good luck to a vice that you crawled back to whenever you were bored.  The pages were filled with the ink from your pen as you used the prompts to delve into some of the thoughts you kept to yourself, your feelings about your body, your babies, your relationships, the hopes and dreams and the worries and troubles you tried not to stress about.  You kept track of the gifts you had received, the words of advice from your doctor, and the unprovoked comments from elderly ladies at the supermarket who liked to comment about how cute of a couple you were when you shopped for food with your husband.

The grouchy, black-haired surgeon with bags under his eyes and a resting bitch face, and you, his slightly shorter, glowing wife with a very large pregnant belly and a polite, shining smile on her face.  You were truly a match made in heaven, one might say.

Law had been busier and busier in the weeks getting closer to your due date.  As the weather got colder, the holidays came and went, and the new year began, he was diving more and more into his studies preparing for what was easily the largest, most intense, and most serious surgery of his professional career.  Some might assume that you would get tired of the neglect, growing frustrated that he wasn’t around to spend time with you in your third trimester, but in reality, you couldn’t be more proud.

The sight of him hunched over your kitchen table surrounded by old textbooks and papers was an image straight out of your college days, where you’d let yourself into his single dorm room close to midnight and find him on his floor in the dim lighting surrounded on all sides by professional journals, research papers, and textbooks from every esteemed surgeon in his field.  You’d sit down next to him and diligently push french fries against his lips as his eyes stayed glued to his studies, rewarding you during his sparse downtime with awkward kisses that tasted like salt and firm yet shaky hands that were obsessed with traveling up and down your body.  

The only difference now was that Law was that professional in his field, that he was in an apartment, and that you both had rings on your fingers.  The french fries stayed the same, but he at least had a piece of mind to feed himself while you watched from the couch and giggled.  Every once in a while, he would lean back against his seat and pop his spine with a satisfied groan, toss you a fond look across the room, and go back to reading.  Sometimes, you would stand behind him and rub his stiff shoulders, encouraging him to stand up and stretch his legs just as he would do to you to ensure you remained strong during the final weeks of your pregnancy.

The only thing weighing on your mind was the panging worry that he would be in the middle of this massive procedure when you went into labor.  You were both informed by your doctor that most twins would be delivered either naturally or induced at around 36 weeks, almost a month before single babies were usually born, and with your due date at 38 weeks being in the middle of May, you had a nagging feeling in your head that he would miss it.

You both tried to hold onto hope that your babies would be delivered any other day that month.  He would be gone for only a day, a full 24 hours, in total the day of the surgery.  What were the odds that your babies would be born on that specific day?  Slim, to say the least.

At around 32 weeks, it was getting hard for you to stand up.  Your movements were slow and labored, and you were spending most of your days in your apartment either on your couch or in your bed, standing up when instructed by Law, or Shachi and Penguin when he was at work, to walk laps around your home.  The fear of blood clots forming in your legs and traveling to your lungs, as described by your lovely husband in far too much detail, was enough to make you more determined to keep the blood pumping in your body.

“Alright, ready?” Law stated, standing behind you in the kitchen as you slowly made your way through a pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

“Ready,” you stated back, your eyes focused on washing the silverware in your hands.

His inked hands traveled around your torso and under your belly, lifting up against the bottom of your bump.  The sudden relief of having the weight lifted off of your back made an almost erotic moan leave your lips, your grip on the silverware releasing slightly as the tension in your entire body flooded from your veins like a broken dam.

“Feel good?” he asked from behind you with a smirk, his chin resting on the crown of your head.

“Oh my god,” you groaned.  “I saw a lot of posts that said that it feels good, but I didn’t think it would feel this good.  I wish you could do that constantly.”

Sparse kisses were placed to the back of your head as his hands slowly released their pressure against the bottom of your bump, leaving your back aching once more as your body was forced to bear the brunt of the weight in your abdomen.  You stifled a whimper as you were forced to hold what felt like 50 extra pounds on your own again, but Law’s lingering presence behind you with his hands resting idly on your belly soothed your aches subconsciously.

“Busy spring, huh?” he asked, filling the room where the only other sound was the sloshing from your dish washing.

You hummed in response, rinsing your hands and turning off the tap, drying your hands on a towel that lay on the counter beside you.  “You could say that.”  You turned around to lean against the counter, Law’s hands remaining on your body as you rotated.  He leaned forward to capture your lips in his, you rewarding him with a smile.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to be more physical with you…” you sighed.

Law pulled away.  “Why are you sorry for that?”

You shrugged.  “You seem like you’ve been a lot more handsy with me lately, and I can’t reciprocate.  And I’m probably not going to be able to reciprocate for a while after I give birth.”

Your husband chuckled, planting chaste kisses across your cheeks.  “I’m not ‘being handsy with you’ because I want anything.  I’m ‘being handsy’ because I want you to be happy and comfortable.  I’m not expecting anything in return.  And by the way,” he pulled away to stare into your worried eyes.  “I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking about your post-birth body being somehow inferior to how you were before pregnancy, I know it.”

You averted your gaze, your lips pinching together.

“And I know you don’t like the stretch marks on your belly,” he added.

“Where are you going with this?” you asked, your voice quiet.

“Because I’m going to remind you every day how beautiful you are.  Always.  Even the changes that come with having a child.  You’re always going to be beautiful to me.  I’ll never be repulsed by your stretch marks or wrinkled skin or cellulite like you think I’m going to be.  The person standing in front of me is a beautiful woman who has given me a life worth living, and I’m going to cherish her and support her through everything.”

Your eyes darted toward his neck, where his glass necklace still sat between his collarbones.  He religiously wore it every single day, only taking it off to shower, sleep, and perform surgeries.  Likewise, you never removed your glass ring.  Hot tears began to form in your eyes, but your lips curled into a smile.  Your expression fought for dominance over being happy or sad, and what resulted was a shaky grin, furrowed eyebrows, and watery eyes.

“What did I do to deserve you?” you asked, letting a few lose tears escape the corners of your eyes.

Your husband kissed the damp streaks that your tears left behind on your cheeks.  “You fed me french fries on the floor of my dorm room in college.  I think that’s when I knew you were going to be my wife one day.”

A bubbly laugh left your throat as your hands gripped his shoulders for stability.  “I think I knew when you found me out behind my dorm building that night.”

Law leaned in to kiss you one more time, but a sudden gasp left your lips as your entire body tensed up.  A stinging cramping sensation rippled across your abdomen, lingering in your muscles.  It lasted about 30 seconds, where your shaking hands clenched the cotton of Law’s shirt, his eyes wide and frenzied as his hands supported your upright posture, before the pain finally dissipated into a mild buzz, then nothing at all.

You stared into Law’s eyes.  “Can you help me sit down?”

[crowsintheforest]

2024 is the year where I got a job at a library (huzzah!!!) which meant that I read a lot. and a lot of that was from previous years! so here's my top 10 not of 2024 list, which is 40% books.

(end of year top 10 tag)

a wizard of earthsea (ursula k. le guin, 1968): I can't believe I've never read these books. I love le guin's writing, and excellent podcast "shelved by genre" reading these was a good incentive for me to actually get off my ass and read a bunch of le guin. her book of poetry from 2017 was almost on this list as well, beautiful and funny and old. going to go after more this year!

the seventh seal (dir. ingmar bergman, 1957): did you know that one of the classics of cinema is really good? also really funny? so go play chess with death and think about the end of all things

scavengers reign (joseph bennett and charles huettner, hbomax, 2023): this show made me weep. beautifully haunting and hauntingly beautiful, a scifi story that could be a cosmic horror if you forget that even the horrors are part of a greater ecosystem, and sometimes the horrors are not unknowable but merely unknown and strange. I still think about this show, and probably will for the rest of my life. best show of the decade so far.

look back (fujimoto tatsuki, 2021): putting the manga over the (also exceptional) ova because I think fujimoto's overall artistry hit just a bit harder. a story about the reasons we make art, and the companionship in finding another weirdo to make art with, and how we move on while looking back at what inspired us

a visit to san sibilia (peter eijk, 2021): I tried to play a few solo/journaling rpgs this year, and san sibilia was my favorite. also has a great playlist!

true detective s1 (showrunner nic pizzolatto, hbo, 2014): watched this after finishing aw2 and in the run-up to "night country" (also good, better in retrospect than I gave it credit for at the time), and this classic of Two Weird Dude Cops Coping Poorly with Manhood is excellent television. still bummed it wasn't as paranormal as it could have been, but them's the breaks.

"COUNTER/weight" (friends at the table, 2015-2016): come for the mecha rpg, gorgeous worldbuilding with millennia-old robots and sociopolitical intrigue, and the mashup of space/cyberpunk/giant robot anime; stay for aria joy scoring girls by failing super duper hard. also giant tarps.

gris (nomada studio, 2018): both the game and the ost, so I'm cheating here for a top 10. a story about grief and mourning and song and color, up there with scavengers reign for most beautiful thing I experienced this year.

palestine (joe sacco, 1991-1992): sacco's graphic journalism of his time in palestine during 1991 and 1992 is both of its time (specifically right after the first intifada, with ongoing riots and imprisonment and interviews with palestinians of all backgrounds) and imminently timely (given the ongoing genocide in gaza and israel's occupation of palestine). it's a hard project to read, but invaluable for being incredibly humanizing, and humbling, and necessary. sacco's upcoming collaboration with art "maus" spiegelman is going to be one of my most anticipated comics.

a memory called empire (arkady martine, 2019): do you like political intrigue space operas? do you like murder mysteries? do you like future cities heavily influenced by byzantium and the aztec empires? how about language, linguistics, and the reaches of empire? wait, this is tumblr. do you like messy gays? if so, have I got the book for you! (also the sequel, a desolation called peace, is fantastic, so you've got TWO books in one recommendation! aha, I cheat again at top 10 lists!)

[just-another-hippie]

Hey everyone!

My name is Blake Wylde, and my pronouns are he/him :)

I’m new to tumblr, and I’m trying to build this blog! I'm an artist, gamer, musician, photographer, skater, and writer — so I'll mainly post about stuff related to those as well as the silly thoughts in my brain

I'm trans and mlm, I also have c-ptsd and autism. A lot of my posts can be vent posts, as I still have not had trauma therapy. I have many many special interests and hyperfixations, so I'll probably post about those, too :)

Lastly, as you can tell from my url, I'm a hippie! So, only peace, love, and good vibes on my blog! My AskMe's and DM's are open always— I'm a very social person :)

Hope you enjoy my blog! xoxo

-

<<DNI if you're a bigot of any kind and no nsfw!>>

-

Tags under the cut:

#just another hippie 🌕 - all posts written by me (I generally forget but it's fine)

#me🦋 - all photo posts of me!! I generally post selfies when I feel good

#journaling🌿 - my occasional little journaling posts about my life and my thoughts <3

#vent🍂 - vent posts

#asks💫 - all asks I reply to (few and far between)

the rest are self explanatory I thinkk

[asouefanworkevent]

woevember day 5

welcome to woevember day 5! today's theme is the books!

lemony's a series of unfortunate events books do, after all, exist in asoue canon itself! what does vfd think of the books? who's read them? or books like the unauthorized autobiography, and the beatrice letters, and lemony's childrens books, what place might they have in canon? for all the wrong questions, who's read them? they were filed at vfd headquarters, after all. how many members of vfd know what lemony did during his apprenticeship? or books like caviar: salty jewel of the tasty sea, or stain'd myths, or lemony's pamphlets on the accordion, or even the classic children's lit books, like the ramona series by beverly cleary, and their place inside canon and especially vfd? or even beatrice and bertrand's a series of unfortunate events, the journal they contribute to on the island. who else has written in that journal?

post your book shenanigans and don’t forget to tag this tumblr (asouefanworkevent) in the post so i can find it and reblog it, and tag the post with #woevember !

[charlie-ver]

please tell me about your silly ocs

I'D LOVE TO!!!! But there's so many,,, who do you wanna hear about :D

you can check out the #pollutedghostocs tag, though there isn't everyone bc there's art I just forget to post or made prior to tumblr / prior to making the tag, but if you're on toyhouse & can see the page, you can pick someone from there <:

ocs are in these folders: Blood in the water, Burning one, Owl records, Gods care not, Nature Tarot

Hunter's Journal is more of a collection (because I have a journal that will eventually have monster entries, modeled after a series of journals one of my ocs keeps), so there isn't much interesting stuff there/not a lot of deep lore or anything about the creatures, maybe except Cormede and the Mothman. If you can't see the th stuff Feel free to pick a Name below! Names with an asterisk are more of side characters and may not have a lot to yap about/aren't well developed yet.

Mothman*

Cormede*

Ga'ara

Ignis Azario

Lumis Azario*

Maplhone Azario*

Perseus Charles Birchwood

Pemuni & Brae (Penumbra)

Terra Azario

The Council

Abaddon*

Archangel Raphael*

Archangel Uriel*

Death*

Ezekiel, Seraph*

Gadreel, Power*

Nathaniel, Seraph

Ramiel, Seraph*

Samael, Death's Angel*

Jumbo*

Oliver Green*

Samuel Owen

Bright

Torbis

Damien Robert Turner

Jura Zoe*

Liam Carne

The Oracle*

The Reincarnation

[mysticstarlightduck]

OC Deep Dive Tag!

I'm going to do a writing sprint in a bit, but I want to make one more tag game before I do so, so here we go! I saw this tag rolling around on Tumblr and found it really cool!

Let's get to know our boys Kye Thalax, Quince Warren, Jack Tithus and Jordan Raith a bit more (:

What uncommon/common fear do they have?

Kye -

PHOBIAS: Athazagoraphobia (intense or irrational fear of being forgotten, or of forgetting someone or something) + mild Haphephobia (the fear of being touched)

OTHER FEARS: His (abusive) mother, being helpless, unable to control a situation, or becoming unremarkable. Forgetting his Dad is also one of his main worries/fears, or being unable to avenge him. Kye is also, as much as he'd like to pretend otherwise/would hate to admit it, afraid of his creepy former boss.

Quince -

PHOBIAS: Aviophobia (fear of planes, or flying in general)

OTHER FEARS: Being captured by the Spectre Academy and sent to their training facility (thus being forced to enter the government's superhero Agency). Letting down his loved ones. Quince is also afraid of his own powers, which he despises because of how gory they are.

Jack -

PHOBIAS: Insectophobia (fear of insects)

OTHER FEARS: Not being able to keep his sister and his crew out of harm's way or otherwise 'failing' them in any way. Being mutated or forcibly changed by the Director's experiments. Jack is also, deep down, terrified of dying

Jordan -

PHOBIAS: Unknown phobias

OTHER FEARS: He is terrified of his own past and does not trust his own mind, mostly due to the horrifying training trials he and his cousin endured while in the Spectre Academy. Due to his past Jordan is also generally afraid of medical facilities and treatment. He also fears being unable to find his cousin, who supposedly went MIA.

Do they have any pet peeves?

Kye - People who are abusive to their partners or children. He also despises people who think they're for some reason allowed to be pointlessly cruel to people who have nothing to do with them.

Quince - Manipulative media and governments who keep shady secrets from the populace under the guise that "it is for the greater good".

Jack - People who mistreat others who are less powerful than them. He also hates corruption and hates people trying to control or otherwise force him to obey arbitrary rules.

Jordan - Illegal experiments are being conducted on living beings by scientists who think they can do whatever they want to others just because they have the power to.

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

Kye - specialized poison kit, his father's bracelet, a holographic tablet for hacker purposes

Quince - a 'Magmatorch' superhero poster, crochet materials, a packet of (animal) blood of emergencies (fuels his powers)

Jack - bottle of hot chocolate, speaker for music, a fluffy pillow

Jordan - switchblade, a journal with the list of names of all the Agents who were responsible for his and his cousin's 'training', headphones

What do they notice first in a person?

Kye - How much of a threat that person is/things he can use to his advantage to manipulate them to his advantage. He also notices if those people work for his 'mother' (if they do, he kills them with poison)

Quince - Body language, can read people pretty well. Because of his powers, he can also sense people's heart rate and can tell pretty accurately whether a person is lying or otherwise hiding something.

Jack - If a person is friendly or not, or if that person has good or bad intentions towards him and his friends. He is also incredibly good at telling what someone wants, so he can know to proceed.

Jordan - How easy a person would be to knock out or if they would be an easy mark (in tense situations or combat contexts). He is also pretty good at noticing whether or not someone is following him and why.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Kye -

Emotional Pain - 8/10 (Pretty good, unless something directly triggers him - by reminding him of his father's untimely death or his mother's abusive behavior. If that happens he usually lashes out pretty badly and isolates himself afterwards.)

Physical Pain - 10/10 (His species has a naturally high resistance to pain, and due to him embarking on a vengeful assassin way of life, he has become even more immune to pain. It takes a lot for him to be like "Oh shit, this really does hurt like hell", and if that happens it probably will be something life-threatening)

Quince -

Emotional Pain - 4/10 (He is pretty sensitive - like, he takes things very personally and notices even small details about what someone is truly thinking about him. He doesn't really let it show but small things can pretty much ruin his day. He also doesn't deal well with the bloody aftermath of using his powers on others.)

Physical Pain - 15/10 (Quince has some level of Regeneration, so he heals very rapidly and injuries are almost never really a nuisance to him unless caused by someone who can actively undermine his powers. He also generally feels little pain, though he acknowledges pain it doesn't affect him badly - he can break his arm in two places and carry on like nothing happened)

Jack -

Emotional Pain - 8?/10 (Jack has trained himself to be perfect at hiding how he truly feels and always maintaining a happy, optimistic, protective personality to his friends. This means that while he may outwardly act like all is fine and even seem his usual happy-go-lucky self while struggling with a brutal storm of torment underneath. This can cause him to be pretty self-destructive and not realize that he too deserves support and help)

Physical Pain - 6/10 (Typically he has an average to small pain tolerance and hates being in pain to the point of being terrified of it, but due to his natural need to be strong for his crew/team and pretend that everything is fine, Jack can actually endure quite a lot of actual pain while pretending that all is okay, though he usually then breaks down later when alone. When it comes to Jack, it's more a question of willpower than actual pain tolerance)

Jordan -

Emotional Pain - 10/10 (Has seen a lot of shit in his life and become pretty numb/unflappable because of it. It takes something world-ending to make him have anything close to a breakdown).

Physical Pain - 3/10 (Hates being in pain with a burning passion and will do anything to avoid it, to the point of panicking or doing things on impulse that actually make things worse later on.)

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

Kye - Fight. Becomes aggressive when provoked and will either lash out verbally, physically or get some kind of revenge at the person stressing him out later.

Quince - Flight/Freeze. Hates conflict and will try to calm things down before they get to a boiling point. If things become too chaotic he will either run away from the situation or shut down for an undetermined amount of time.

Jack - Fight or Fawn. Depending on the situation: In regular situations of stress, like normal, daily frustrations, Jack's main reaction is to meet the problem head-on or confront whoever is stressing him. If the situation is extreme or someone more powerful can hurt people he cares about (like when he and his crew were captured by the Junction), Jack instead immediately shifts to a Fawning reaction - he will do anything the person requires of him to avoid collateral damage and keep his loved ones safe.

Jordan - Fight or Freeze. If he is in a good state of mind, he'll try to fight through the situation. If he is stressed or panicked he likely will attempt to fight and end up freezing instead.

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

Kye -

Small family - his mother was a powerful and violent Khosmonian warlord who wanted to destroy the Junction and would do anything to amplify her status. She married his father for political reasons and proceeded to abuse both her husband and son (physically and verbally) before Kye's father ran away from her with him in tow (and ended up killed for it when they were found).

Deep down he is a family kind of guy but due to trauma, he doesn't actually know if he wants to build a family or not. He is very loyal to those he knows he can trust but that is a very rare thing.

Quince -

Small family - his parents were rich business owners who died in a private jet crash. Quince and his younger sister, Emily, were then raised by their uncle, Sean, who was better known as Magmatorch, the most powerful superhero on Team Nemesis and the nation's sweetheart. Their uncle was a doting guardian to Quince and his sister, despite being a bit cocky and drawn to fame. Sean was 'disposed of' by the Spectre Agency after threatening to expose their corruption schemes.

Quince is very family-oriented, especially when it comes to protecting his sister, and he also adored their uncle.

Jack -

Medium sized family - Jack and his sister Cassiopeia were born in the moon of Cethea III and raised by their parents - a pilot (their mother) and an aspiring engineer (their father) - when they were kids. Their parents ended up killed after getting involved with rebel efforts against the Junction, and Jack and his sister ended up on the streets. Later, Jack and Cassie met an alien boy named Deimos Soll who became their best friend and whom they adopted as their brother, though he has become estranged from them now as adults.

To Jack, family is everything. Not only his sister and their adoptive brother, but he also considers his team/crew as his extended family, and would do anything to keep them safe from harm, even if it means putting himself in harm's way.

Jordan -

Very small family - Jordan was basically abandoned by his parents, who were distant from him pretty much since day one, and left to the 'care' of the Spectre Academy - as his parents wanted him to become a superhero at all costs. (His parents are very much still alive). Jordan found out that his older cousin, Chase, was also in the Academy, and the boys became the only family each other really had in the hell that the Academy was to its apprentices.

Jordan is fiercely loyal to Chase, and vice-versa. After Chase mysteriously went MIA during a mission for the superhero Agency, Jordan fled with classified information to try and find him.

What animal represents them best?

Kye - Viper

Quince - Sparrows

Jack - Orange Cat & Golden Retriever (both lol)

Jordan - Black Cat

What is a smell that they dislike?

Kye - The smell of wild roses (his mother's perfume smelled just like that)

Quince - Blood (tragically ironic since his power is literally blood-related)

Jack - Antiseptic and that general "laboratory" smell

Jordan - Unwashed clothes/sweat

Have they broken any bones?

Kye - Yes, many times. Is unfazed by it.

Quince - So far once, fell from a swing as a kid and broke his arm.

Jack - Yes, a couple of times, either in fights, accidents, or while being experimented on by the Junction.

Jordan - Not sure/doesn't remember.

How would a stranger likely describe them?

Kye - Shady/mysterious. The kind of person that looks like trouble or like they're involved with something deadly. Strangers would also consider him mysterious.

Quince - Dangerous. While people used to adore him while his uncle was the nation's sweetheart, after the family fell in the government's bad graces and was deemed Public Enemy Number 1, Quince was accused of being an unstable kid with a monstrous power.

Jack - Friendly and incredibly optimistic. Jack generally has an outgoing, happy-go-lucky vibe, both with his friends and with strangers, thus he is generally viewed as a fun, kind, happy and optimistic guy to be around - and people are right, because he is (though there's much more underneath)

Jordan - Aloof. Jordan is very quiet, reserved and usually has that "resting bitch face" when not talking to someone directly. People mostly assume he's just an extremely introverted or shy teen when he's actually just conditioned to be emotionless.

Are they a night owl or a morning bird?

Kye - Night owl

Quince - Morning Bird

Jack - Both (wakes up early, sleeps late)

Jordan - Night owl

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

Kye -

Flavor he loves: Dishes (well prepared) with fish, especially fried fish sticks and fish stews. He also loves bacon.

Flavor he hates: Candy

Quince -

Flavor he loves: Medium rare or simply rare meat. And beef jerky and PIZZA!!!

Flavor he hates: Salads of any kind, hates the taste, the texture, and the fact that it is cold.

Jack -

Flavor he loves: Chocolate, nuggets and tuna sandwiches

Flavor he hates: Tasteless food, especially oatmeal

Jordan -

Flavor he loves: Strawberry milkshakes and chocolate-chip cookies

Flavor he hates: Too much condiments in food

Do they have any hobbies?

Kye - embroidering, knife throwing, creating new poisons/studying space botany (toxic plants)

Quince - watching movies, listening to music, eating pizza

Jack - playing video games with his siblings, training his thievery skills, making DIY jewelry (occasionally)

Jordan - reading gothic books & watching late 90s/early 2000s teen horror movies, practicing his powers, riding around on his motorcycle

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises?

Kye - Probably would initially think someone is trying to kill him and react like "Who goes there?! I have poisons!!!!!" and then realize its something harmless and not know what to do next lol. He isn't used to parties and really hasn't had one in a long while, so, deep down, despite his grumpy self, he would actually appreciate it.

Quince - Would probably be initially shy but then shake it off and join the party. He is actually pretty used to parties and social events because when his uncle was a famous superhero they went to a lot of galas and other fancy parties. Quince probably prefers a smaller, more intimate event, like going to a good restaurant or watching a movie, because his social battery dies down really fast.

Jack - He would be like a golden retriever in a dog park filled with toys - like he would be the HAPPIEST dude. His self-esteem is shite and he usually does everything to make others happy, so he always gets super surprised that his loved ones do the same for him and always take the time to make things for him too (not that he doubts them, no, he's just the "oh, you didn't need to" kind of guy while inwardly crying of happiness).

Jordan - "This is nice! Now what am I supposed to do? Because I know nothing about how things like this work and I'm anxious."

Do they like to wear jewelry?

Kye - Not many, just his Dad's bracelet.

Quince - No, doesn't care about it and actually gets bored by it when he has to wear jewelry.

Jack - Some small, coal-black hoop earrings/ear piercings, a few plastic bracelets, and occasionally rings. He also always wears the DIY trinket necklace his sister made for him and she has the other half.

Jordan - Some goth/emo jewelry, occasionally. Is still getting the hang of how jewelry works but is very excited to try it out.

Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

Kye - Neat

Jack - Messy (because he is impatient) but perfectly readable

Quince - Something in between

Jordan - Painfully neat, feels like something out of a computer

What are the two emotions they feel the most?

Kye - Anger, Grief

Quince - Anxiety, Happiness

Jack - Love, Protectiveness

Jordan - Struggles with trying to no longer be numb, so he loves whenever he feels any emotion, even "negative" ones.

Do they have a favorite fabric?

Kye - Black linen or cotton, as well as kevlar.

Jack - Cotton, flannel, and leather.

Quince - Probably not.

Jordan - Anything that isn't scratchy.

What kind of accent do they have?

Kye - His accent is "perfectly" neutral, as in he trained himself so well in languages that he speaks their galactic Common with almost no accent whatsoever (I'm not sure how to even describe it lol). When he is angry or feeling strong emotions his original accent from Khylet slips into his words (a Khylet accent is smooth, but also as a slight... clicking to it in a way?).

Quince - The city he was born in is pretty inspired by IRL Detroit so I would say he has his setting's equivalent to a Detroit accent.

Jack - 'Junction' accent. Grew up speaking the Junction's galactic common as a kid and his accent sometimes tends to be the variation of common spoken in the moon he was born in, Cethea III.

Jordan - I don't think I know how to answer this question about him and honestly, I don't think he would know that either lol

Tagging (gently): @sleepy-night-child, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @smol-feralgremlin, @oh-no-another-idea, @littleladymab,

@winterandwords, @eccaiia, @sarahlizziewrites, @illarian-rambling

@agirlandherquill, @anoelleart, @ray-writes-n-shit

@the-golden-comet, @writernopal, @anyablackwood, @unstablewifiaccess, @forthesanityofstorytellers

@i-can-even-burn-salad, @cakeinthevoid

@lassiesandiego, @thepeculiarbird, @clairelsonao3, @memento-morri-writes, @starlit-hopes-and-dreams and OPEN TAG

[shizucheese]

So fun fact I normally try to avoid Tumblr between Thursday and when I finally get to listen to the new Protocol episode because that seems easier than constantly blocking and unblocking the spoilers tags, but also this is my preferred social media site so it generally results in a vicious cycle of me hopping in Tumblr, and either VERY CAUTIOUSLY scrolling (or scrolling only through specific tags), or completely forgetting until I see even a HINT of something Protocol related (even if it's not spoilers) and figuratively running away screaming.

As always, you can find the full evolving red string board here. It's getting real long. I'm trying to decide if I want to start a fresh one for season 2 or if I want to see how long and unwieldy that puppy can really get. What do you guys think?

Today is Monday, 3/4/24. Episode 8 came out on 2/29/21.

“Talkers”

Norris (Voice: Martin?/ Alex)

Episode 1: “Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret [Email]”. The Stranger? The End? The Dark? The Lonely? The Flesh? Arthur (Nolan?).

Episode 3: "Infection (full body" -/- Arboreal [Journal entry]". The Spiral? (Paranoia? Auditory, visual and olfactory hallucinations) The Lonely? The Corruption. The Flesh? (Callbacks to the Flesh Garden from S5)

Episode 8: "Architecture (liminal) -/- hunger [coursework]". The Spiral. The Lonely. (Statement giver has an ex-wife. Witnesses strange mist. Fog?) The Stranger? The Vast. The Flesh. The description of the space reminds me a bit of Mag 150: Cul-De-Sac. The description of the diners and the way they were speaking reminds me of Mag 48: Lost in the Crowd.

Common Themes: Hearing the voice of a dead/ missing loved one? Loneliness

Chester (Voice: John?/ Jonny)

Episode 1: “Transformation (eyes) -/- Tresspass [chat log]”. Magnus Institute, The Eye. (Involves a forum; the Web?).

Episode 5: "Disappearance (undetermined) -/- Invitation [Internet blog]". The Eye (Movies. Movie name: "Voyeur" "Must be seen to be believed"...). The Web? (Another website?). (Very reminiscent of Mag 110: Creature Feature.) The "poor old guy" at the theater is totally an Eye avatar, right? Kinda gives me "Simon Fairchild when he was first introduced" vibes.

Episode 7: "Agglomeration (miscellany) -/- congregation [email]". The Stranger. The Burried. The Desolation. Possibly all of them if my theory about the items the Volunteers brought in is correct...

Unsure if this is Eye related like the other statements were. This is also the first "Chester" statement where the source material wasn't from a website or blog, which don't have the same expectation of privacy that the sources of the other statements do. Email, though, so still internet related, and this seems to be an open letter rather than personal correspondence, so it still might align with the theme.

Agustus: (rare?)

Episode 4: “Collection (blood) -/- musical [letter]” The End. The Lonely? The Slaughter.

Letter writer thinks passing on his violin might allow a part of himself to live on in his nephew. Very Jonah Magnus of him.

Music teacher hears “faraway music”, then goes crazy and throws himself out of the carriage and dies. Reminiscent of Mag7 and the Piper? The merchant’s wares include dice (Mag 29?). Got the violin from him (took his blood?). Effect of the violin reminiscent to Grifter’s Bone (Mag 42).

(Oliver Bardwell lol very funny guys)

Non-Talkers (?)

Episode 2: "Transformation (full) -/- dysmorphic [video call]". The Spiral? The Flesh. The Stranger. Ink 5oul (avatar/ entity?)

Episode 6: "Injury (needles) -/- intimidation [999 call] "Corruption? The Spiral? The Flesh? The End?

"Needles" reminds me of Michael!Distortion.

Notes and Thoughts:

I think we've all been a bit off about the theme of the Norris statements. The common theme isn't I lost a loved one; I can almost hear their voice..." The common theme is loneliness. Like yeah, the statement giver mentions being divorced, but it doesn't seem to be a central driving factor for him the way it was with the other two Norris statements. I think it's just that those two were lonely because they lost a loved one and had isolated themselves in one way or another because of it, and this guy was lonely because he got trapped in a liminal space.

Alice sounds really tired. What's up with that? (Also, considering how much she continues to seem to enjoy messing with people, I'm still convinced she has some connection to the Web.)

GERRY?!!! (not a coincidence. The credits call him Gerry Keay. Also same VA, but I totally didn't recognize him at first because he sounds happy???) GG??? (Credits say Sue Sims as Gertrude Robinson!!!) "Grandson" you say? For realsies? Or did you adopt him (again kinda)? Or is it a cover like it was the last time. Gertrude's word choice of "good luck hunting" was weird, huh...? Is this actually something big or are they just cameos because Alex and Jonny like to mess with us. I trust nothing. Why did the Magnus Institute have a "gifted kids" program? And is Sam just saying that as a cover story or is it true and that's why he's been so interested the whole time? (Reminds me a bit of certain elements of the Storage Papers...)

Celia is doing "a favor for Georgie"?!!!

Is this OUR Georgie or the TMP world Georgie? How much of a connection is there between TMA Gerry, Gertrude and Georgie and TMP Gerry, Gertrude and Georgie?

I wonder if the episode coming out on 2/29, a date that only exists every 4 years, and the episode being about liminal spaces was on purpose or just a happy coincidence.

[hismercytomyjustice]

Updated pinned intro post! Hi! I'm Scout! Welcome to my tumblr!

If you're only following me/checking in for sneak peeks for The Signal that Beckons, I'll be posting them on Tuesdays. You can search my tags for "sneak peek" or click this link instead.

Fic Masterlist and About Me below the cut!

You can find me at ao3 at eternalscout!

Current Fandoms I Write For: BG3, Hazbin Hotel

Past Fandoms I've Written For: Pacific Rim, WWDITS, WTNV, Cardcaptor Sakura, Promare

My Favorite Fics: You can find my favorite fics that I've read separated into collections here!

Ongoing Fics/Series:

Tumblr tags refer to posts I’ve made about my fics/writing process, if that’s of interest to you.

To Be the Perfect Angel, Some Sin Must Be Done

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Pairing: Radioapple (Alastor/Lucifer)

Rating: Explicit, Mature

Words: 84k+

Status: Ongoing Series, Currently 7 parts

Tumblr Tag: to be the perfect angel

Summary: Idiots in love. Lucifer is press ganged into helping everyone get Alastor to rest while he continues to heal from his fight with Adam. Includes dancing, a bet on who can go the longest without using their powers, the consequences of said bet, elements of BDSM, and feelings being caught.

The Signal that Beckons

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Pairing: None

Rating: Mature

Words: Expected to be ~80k, Estimating 15 chapters

Status: Ongoing

Tumblr Tag: the signal that beckons

Summary: What if Alastor’s fight with Adam ended…differently? What if he was “purified” instead to the last moment he could have been redeemed? And, unfortunately for him, that was when he was only eleven.

Completed Multi-Chapter Fics:

Ancient Books and Horror Stories 

Note: I'm planning to do some oneshots for this fic too and will include them in my ongoing section once I do.

Fandom: BG3

Pairing: Bloodweave (Gale/Astarion)

Rating: Explicit

Words: 100k, 18 chapters

Status: Complete

Tumblr Tag: ancient books and horror stories

Summary: Slow burn. Tadpoled acquaintances to friends to lovers. Takes place during the events of BG3. The boys initially bond over books, but then gradually open up to one another and help each other heal from their trauma.

Blue Moon on the Rise

Fandom: Cardcaptor Sakura

Pairing: Yukito/Touya/Yue

Rating: Mature

Words: 54k, 25 chapters

Status: Complete

Tumblr Tag: N/A

Summary: Sakura fails the Final Judgment. Everyone forgets about the Cards, and the person they love most. A new candidate must be chosen. Unfortunately for Touya, it looks like he's next on the list.

If you’re thinking about following me, I should warn you that I post and reblog A LOT. I also treat my tumblr like a journal, so I have a lot of personal posts, usually under cuts. 

I’m nonbinary (they/them), demisexual, and bisexual/pansexual (I use the terms interchangeably because pansexuality was wildly misunderstood when I was younger). Also very recently realized I’m demiromantic! I post/reblog a lot about all of the above.

I’m in my 30s (ancient for the internet, I know) and only recently started getting back into Tumblr after a 10 year absence.

Fun facts! My ao3 username is from my major Welcome to Night Vale fan days (though I still love it, even if I'm hopelessly behind). And my tumblr username is a quote from my favorite book of all time, The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner.

If you’re curious, full quote is: 

“Yet you prefer his mercy to my justice.” She meant the king. She knew where the message had come from.

The current fandoms I'm obsessed with are Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, Interview with the Vampire, BG3, Pacific Rim, Phantom of the Opera, Epic the Musical, Dracula Daily, Dead Boy Detectives, and Stardew Valley.

My other major interests include true crime, crochet, and musicals!

I also talk A LOT about mental health/illness on here. I have OCD and ADHD, and the jury is still out on autism, so trigger warnings for all that mess. I try to tag these posts accordingly and also tend to put them under cuts. 

Writing stuff out (especially in regard to my OCD) helps me process and better understand it. It also feels less stressful and easier for me to do it on here spur of the moment instead of massively overthinking it and trying to force myself to use a more formal outlet. Most importantly, it helps me destigmatize it a bit in my own head.

Those kinds of posts are purely for my own benefit, but if you decide to read any of them and want to comment or something, feel free! I know this is a public space and I don’t post stuff I’m not comfortable with someone else potentially seeing.

If you’ve decided to stick around anyway, feel free to yell about my favorite things with me! I LOVE yelling about my favorite things!

[transmutationisms]

whats your favourite excerpt of writing by someone else?

what do you enjoy most about posting here, as in what motivates you to continue doing so?

are you happy with who you are presently?

1. i go a little bananas every time i pick up 'in search of lost time' i love how proust writes. lots of passages in there ive marked but i always think back to the reminiscence in vol 6 where he's talking about albertine's death and how he knows he'll forget her like gilberte. i had a fight with my translation class about that passage i still think they were all wrong lol

2. i use tumblr for thoughts that i want someone to be able to see and know i exist but that aren't significant enough to go out of my way to talk to a specific person. it's like if people still casually talked to their neighbours i guess. i used to journal more after i deleted my old account but it didn't scratch the same social itch and also i came back on here initially so i could successionpost. your journal doesn't reblog you and yell in the tags ykwim

3. um. can i say yes and no? i think i show some admirable traits and i have a resiliency that frankly impresses me sometimes but i am also difficult, tend to hold other people at a distance, and spend way too much time in my own head 🤪

[executethyself35]

Misc. Tag Game!!

Thank you to all who tagged me!!

Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?: I have not been outside this godforsaken country, but i've been to Oklahoma multiple times and it was fun!

Something you’re proud of yourself for?: Making it to AREA for marching band!! It's a really big deal for us band kids

Favorite books?:

A Coal Miners Bride- Susan Campbell

The Journal of Douglas Allen Deeds- Rodman Philbricks

The Devil All The Time- Donald Ray Pollock

Generation Kill- Evan Wright

Something that makes your heart happy when you think about it?: My gf, and the weird shit my brain comes up with

Favorite thing about your culture?: I'm a southern whiteboy, but i guess cowboys

When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?: Last year before the summer, i watched BoB first and fell in love

Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?: Nope! But i'm trying to convince my mother to take me to Half-Price Books so i can go look for them!

Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?: Skip Muck my boy!! and favorite scenes gotta be "Well Don, let me see, I was at home in Tonawanda and then hitler started this, so now i'm here"

Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?: I do not make content for other fandoms, i barely make content for this one

Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?: RICHARD SPEIGHT JR. and ik this is gonna be a basic answer but i love his role as Gabriel in Supernatural, but also him in BoB!!

Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?: It has become my most popular post on here "This stuffs orange, spaghetti ain't supposed to be orange, *Perco voice* this ain't spaghetti this is army noodles with ketchup"

Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?: I don't know how to express my emotions for shit, and when i was 8 i bit through my own lip!

If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?: The answer is yes bc i need constant validation

Three things that make you smile?: My gf, thunderstorms, being precieved as a boy

Any nicknames you like?: Most people just call me Lex or Lexi, but i mostly just prefer to go by Alexi

List some people you love to see around on tumblr: there's alot, srry if i forget anyone, @turtle-toe, @b00ks1ut, @malarkgirlypop, @blueberry-ovaries, @1waveshortofashipwreck, @dontirrigateme, @liptonwashere, @panzershrike-pretz, @ronsparky, @love--persevering, @vanellq77, @montied, @ithinkabouttzu, @footprintsinthesxnd, @xxluckystrike and so many more

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?: Die, i'd completely say fuck it and kms bc the worlds done why not

Favorite movie?: I have a terrible time picking, but i'll say The Lost Boys

Do you like horror movies?: Yes, i mostly critisize the victims cause their dumbasses

Tags: @montied @liptonwashere @kafka-ohdear @dontirrigateme and all the people i listed above!!

[carmyberzattosjournal]

Entry 16: Well-Versed Pas De Deux

Screenshot Credit: @neverscreens

Bearblr Promptober Day 16: Bonfire

Summary: Carmy is struggling with menu changes for the next month, his girlfriend (who he calls Darling) reminds him of the bonfire they were supposed to attend, and she does a little thing that gets right under his skin. Smut.

Warnings: Smut, swearing, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, mention of family trauma, mention of The Devil (aka Chef David), fem reader who is a trauma surgeon, she/her pronouns.

Notes: All journal entries will be titled as such and tagged with #cb journal.

Thank you for reading. Thank you to @carmenberzattosgf for putting together this prompt list. If you want to keep following this set of works, you can follow the #cb journal tag.

Also, if random letters or words are white instead of the colors they should be, that's Tumblr being dumb, I've been fighting it for days.

Sideblog for commentary and yapping: @m-z-shoroi

16 Oct 2024

My apartment, now back up to two bad radiators (this is how I’m keeping track of time anymore, how many radiators are still working. These fucking pieces of shit can go burn in hell with the landlord. I swear to God, I’m having nightmares of them breaking at critical moments, this is stupid as fuck. RADIATORS.). I’m at the dining table with three half-formed dishes for the November menu changes staring at me—one of them was the duck with apple glaze that Tina proposed, I’m pretty sure. The others? No idea. This head’s a colander. I don’t know how I do anything, for fuck’s sake. Best chef award, my ass.

“Carmy? Baby?” Darling’s voice ripped me out of my thoughts.

She hovered between the kitchen and living room. Had going-out clothes on, that sweater with the—were they cables? I think they’re called cables—her fleece-lined jeans that she patched the knee of with flannel from a very old shirt of mine, hat. Holding a scarf.

“Hm? Sorry. Sorry, I’m… fuck.” I dragged my hands through my hair, rubbed my eyes. “Sorry, these menu changes are killing me. I didn’t hear a word you said, I’m so sorry.”

She shuffled over, wrapped her arms around me. “It’s okay; it happens.”

I nuzzled her sweater. Took a deep inhale of her scent.

“I was asking if you still want to go to the bonfire.”

Bonfire? My stomach dropped through the floor. Fuck, that was today, wasn’t it?

“Shit.” I looked at the clock. 7:09 pm.

“It’s okay, we’ll still make it on time if we leave in 15 minutes. If you still want to go.”

“I-I don’t, uh—fuck.” Shit. My face flooded with warmth. Shit, I even had it in my calendar, how the fuck did I forget? I pressed the heels of my hands into my cheekbones as if I could somehow physically force the heat back out of my face. Or maybe covering my eyes makes me feel safer, somehow? I don’t know, that’s a question for the eventual therapist (who I feel bad for, by the way. Fucking hell, therapy is going to suck).

Darling brushed her hand up and down my sternum. “Hey, hey, breathe.”

I heaved a breath. My head spun.

“I want to hear about the menu, but if you’re going to go, you should decide now so we can leave on time.”

“I-I don’t know? I don’t know, I need to think.” I didn’t mean to hiss it between my teeth. My face got warmer. Now my chest felt warm, like I’d just opened an oven.

I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to appropriately appreciate the silence Darling offers me. Like in that moment, she alerted me to being pressed for time, but then she just gave me runway to think, to broil under my own skin for a bit and then come to the realization that the sky isn’t falling and that whatever pitchfork crowd I conjured in my anxiety-riddled mind didn’t exist. I didn’t even realize that’s what was going on with me at the time—why I involuted and imploded so ferociously when I perceived myself fucking up. A lifetime of violent retaliation for mistakes meant that even when the logical part of my mind knew that I wouldn’t be pierced with verbal javelins, or have to dodge something thrown at me, or assuage a tsunami of an emotional assault, I got wound up like they were coming. Those cavernous scars ran to the bone. And band-aids and skin glue wouldn’t fix the damage all the way down.

And Darling knew that, too.

“I, um. I’m-I’m not sure about going,” I managed. My breaths were short, bit like that time I had pneumonia as a kid, but the burning in my face had subsided.

“Do you want to go?”

How was I supposed to answer that? The apple glaze for the duck could use some brightness. Not acidity. Maybe something herbal? Lemon zest?

Wait, she asked me a question.

“Shit. Uh, I-I don’t know. I mean, it’d be nice, but these fucking menu changes.” I nudged the plates away from me. “Fuck my life…”

She hooked my chin and turned my gaze up to her. “Can I make a proposal, pretty boy?”

Something warm stirred in the pit of my stomach at hearing her call me that again. Fuck, she looked gorgeous. Had this little sparkle in her eyes because of the way the lights came through the blinds, put on lipstick for the first time in a while, and damn if it didn’t make her look like a million dollars. If it didn’t bring out the lively, rich color in her face, the love in her smile. Her necklace—did she say it was some kind of pearls? Vintage?—shimmering white, shifting iridescent tones, landed half a centimeter above the notch between her collarbones as if the best architect in the world composed this masterpiece of visual design.

“Please,” I whispered. Please, you have all of my attention. Every last thread of it. Please, please, for the love of whatever the fuck you believe in, call me pretty boy again.

“Take your notebook with you, hm?” She ran her fingers through my hair. “I’ll drive on the way over, so you can write down any ideas that come up. You might have some ideas at the bonfire itself—you know, the smell of the flames, the food there. And if you need it, you can always head to the car and write in the quiet.”

I took her hand and pressed my lips to her palm. Soft. A bit cooler in temperature. “I should get out, huh?”

“A change of scenery might be helpful for you right now. And I do want to go.”

I nodded, pressed one last kiss to her palm. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Mother of pearl.

That’s what her necklace was made of.

…..

The bonfire didn’t give me many ideas, but Syd did.

“Is there any other way to brighten the apple glaze?” she asked. “Like do you have to add something?”

Some of Darling’s friends had organized this little thing, some kind of Fall tradition for them. I was her plus one. Upsides: quieter than a big public thing; at night, so plenty of chances to Irish Goodbye into the shadows (is that offensive?); trees nearby, so I could just become a tree man (there’s a word for this. Darling told me, I’ll write it in if I remember. Cryptid. That’s the word) in the middle of it all, I guess. Downsides: more intimate setting, so higher expectation to socialize; at night, so who even knew what beasts and ghouls lurked in the shadows; and the trees were suffocatingly gigantic. I could get crushed by trying to look up at them. Also, several people stared at me like I was a rack of lamb, and it made me deeply uncomfortable. It did start getting a bit raucous about 30 minutes in, and I’d sent a (cryptic, now that I think about it) text to Sydney on the drive over, so she called me at the perfect time for me to duck out and get a break.

So, there I was, about 15 feet away from the bonfire, crouched against a tree to give my back a break, chill of the night air starting to creep under and around my jacket, watching Darling laugh at a good story, meeting her eyes to check in, watching her, meeting her eyes.

“What, like, take something away?”

Like The Devil told me to do?

“Yeah, or, like, maybe try a different type of apple or a different sort of… I don’t know.” She sighed. “We sure we wanna stick to an apple glaze?”

“It’s a solid idea. And it was Tina’s.” I was determined to make it work. She’d done too much for me to not try to make it work. “Finely diced green apples? Orange zest? I could try taking out the cinnamon.”

“What’s that gonna do?”

“It’ll take out the bass note. Cinnamon sits low in the palate, it’s-it’s a bass note. Means we get more tenor.”

“I’m sorry, are you using music terms?” Ugh, I could hear her smiling.

Warmth pricked at my cheeks. I hate that my voice came out so small when I said, “It’s how I think.”

Sydney either didn’t notice or decided not to aggravate the situation. “Okay. So, take out the cinnamon.”

Darling tilted her head at me.

“Yeah. I’ll give it a try. I, uh, I gotta go, Darling needs me.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure. Let me know how menu goes tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

I headed back over to the bonfire. She offered me a s’more—very needed, fucking hell, I just needed some junk food sometimes to reset after sampling duck and bluefin and wagyu so much. Cheap chocolate, half-stale baking spices, half-charred fake vanilla. Caramelized sugar. Sharp snap of graham cracker, the bubbly warmth of melted marshmallow. She swept a bit of melted chocolate from my lip. Sucked it off her thumb.

Had no fucking idea how bad it wrecked me.

Not until we got back home, and I needed to get clothes off and yank her forward by her belt loop and impatiently shove her hands towards my hair. She giggled that saccharine melody, tangled her fingers through my curls, and then screeched in surprised delight when I just picked her up and marched straight for the bedroom.

“Carmy! Goodness!”

My kisses were sloppy because I couldn’t stop grinning. “Don’t wake the neighbors.”

Maybe it was the 4 sips of cheap whiskey I had at the bonfire.

She yanked off my t-shirt and coiled around me, her skin cool against mine, while I made short work of the rest of our clothes.

“God, you’re so warm all the time,” she mumbled, nuzzling my shoulder.

I found a few moments to slow back down. To just enjoy how her skin felt on mine, how her body fit perfectly right in my hands. Traced over the round of her hip, the curve of her thighs, palmed at her perfect tits.

“No, no,” she said, pulling back to smirk at me. “You’re supposed to be fucking me right now.”

I kissed her. “You’re cute.”

“You’re hot.” She untangled herself from me and flopped onto the bed, stretching her arms like a satisfied cat. Faint light spilling in from the windows cast these deep, pitchlike shadows over her form, highlighting, in breathtaking contrast, every feature on her face, every facet of her architecture. Should I have thought about it any further, I might’ve absorbed the sight longer, embedded it in my mind, attempted to recapture it at the end of my pencil, but her giggle drew my attention.

“Now rail me already.”

I appreciate her bluntness so much.

She tensioned fistfuls of my hair when I trailed wet kisses up the inside of her thigh. Draped her other leg over my shoulder with practiced ease. This is a familiar dance, a well-versed pas de deux. One where I paint my hand up and down that thigh on my shoulder to soothe her when my lips finally meet her cunt, and she lets out that whimper that cinches the tight, burning, merciless heat of arousal deep in my navel. Where she breathlessly begs and whimpers and whines my name when she’s wracked by an orgasm on my tongue, more so when she’s ruined under me with her legs tight around my waist, tight enough to leave bruises along my hip bones, for me to feel sore when moving around the kitchen the next day—reminders of her, like the scratches I’d get, the lipstick stains I’d guard under my clothes and that I’d try to keep around as long as they’d last.

Maybe it was just love, by the way.

That’s an option, you know, Carmen. You just love her that much.

“I’m so close,” she mumbled. Her fingernails worried sore spots on my scalp, but I couldn’t find it in me to stop her from doing it. She was so tight around my fingers, so wet on my tongue, so hot—I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it. I don’t want to get used to it.

I withdrew my fingers, and she tugged particularly hard on my hair. “No, no, don’t stop,” she wailed.

“Ow, baby girl, too hard.”

She let go immediately, pet my face to apologize. “But I’m… oh…”

I’d crawled onto the bed. She pulled herself up towards the headboard, coiled her limbs around me and yanked me down into a starved kiss.

“Fuck me already, please, pretty boy.”

Who was I not to oblige?