#forcing myself to. not delete this is 5 minutes

[asavapatr]

STRAY KIDS: ATE

[thirstingfortoxicmen]

Can I request an Ominis Gaunt x Male Reader? Where the reader is really pent up and just needs a break and Ominis gladly helps reader turn his brain off. (Dom Ominis and Sub Reader) please

Yes absolutely 👍 just a warning ive never done sub reader so... we shall see how this goes! (also it deleted my progress so this is me starting over😭)

(oneshot) 🔞🔞🔞

You feel so Beautiful🔞

Dom Ominis x Sub male Reader

(not my photo)

---

“ughhhhhh…” WHAM! my head hits the desk, rather hard but alas still not enough to swindle my headache. Unfortunately, I had woken up with a headache and people have been feeling extra dumb today, which was not helping. I squeeze my eyes tightly closed and hope to Merlin everyone goes away so I can pass away… swiftly… please? I quickly realize there is no god as i get a rude tapping on my shoulder. I take a deep breath in and raise my head from my desk only to find… the godstones kid again.

Dear Merlin I swear if thi- she interrupts me before I can spit my thoughts out, “I need your help, some kids took my gobstones again.” I deadpan.

“Have you even looked yourself, because last time i helped you it took me no less than 5 minutes, basic magic, and simple common sense.” I ask, headache brewing up a storm of death and suffering.

Her face flushing at the (accurate) accusation, “I- well its just- umm… no.” She practically mumbles the last part, she starts shuffling her feet back to the door she marched through feeling so courageous just a second before.

“yeah that's what I thought,” I mutter to myself, as she swiftly leaves the room.

“That was rather odd, what did she want?” I hear Ominis ask. He takes his seat next to me,

“Sebastian being out sick has made me realize how many bothersome people beg for my attention, her for example, wanting me to find her gobstones… again,” I sigh as I say it. Ominis chuckles at my frustration.

“That's true, Sebastian is a great guard dog that is for sure.” Ominis’s hand finds my thigh and he starts caressing it gently, sliding me closer to him. I rest my head onto his shoulder, headache dissipating slowly but surely. Also slowly but surely I feel Ominis creep his hand higher up my thigh.

“Ominis… class just started dont start teasing me now,” as I whisper that into his ears I feel his smirk grow across his face.

“Whatever could you mean,” the sarcasm audible in his voice. I see him flick his wand slightly and as I was about to ask what he'd done I felt a disillusionment charm wave over our laps. My eyes grow wide for a moment only to force my face back to normal so as to not draw attention. My cock twitching against my pants as Ominis teases me. My face had bloomed into a bright shade of red as Ominis pretends all is normal.

“Ominis please…” I beg softly, thanking Merlin that we sit at the back of the class.

“Professor, could I please be excused to Madam Pomfry’s my eyes seem to be bugging me.” Ominis speaks up.

“Yes of course Mr. Gaunt, here let's have someone help you there. hmmmm, Mr. L/n how about you help Mr. Gaunt to Madam Pomfry’s.” the professor declares.

“Yes Professor,” I manage out. My lower half now throbbing with anticipation. I quickly gather our stuff and pretend to guide Ominis to the hall, door shutting behind us. I follow Ominis as he leads me to the Undercroft. He grabs my collar pulling me close.

“Just let me do everything, alright.” Ominis all but demands. He pushes me lightly against a wall, grabbing my chin with one hand the other pressing against my erection. I exhale at the pressure, hearing that Ominis pulls me in and we kiss deep. His tongue working his magic. His hands float down below, freeing his member first then mine. Both of us red at the tips, after almost 30 minutes of teasing. Precum leaking onto the floor as Ominis grabs us both, the action causing me to groan into his mouth. We part for a breath of air. “Accio desk,” Ominis pants out. A desk from nearby pulling up behind me, he sits me on it. Slowly he starts stroking his one hand stroking both erect, leaking cocks. My hips stuttering into his hand as I grow close to the edge.

“Ominis please!” I moan out, his hips stuttering when he hears it. “I'm getting close!” We start making out again, his tongue now scouring my mouth.

“God you feel so beautiful,” Ominis groans into my ear. Like a switch flipping my eyes flutter and I moan out softly, holding onto Ominis’s shoulders I cum. Ominis looking frustrated and on the verge triggering me to hop off the desk and down to my knees. I move Ominis’s hand off his cock and take him into his mouth, he grabs my hair and forces me down. Gagging on him I look up at his face and see a flushed face. Tears welling in my eyes I hear, “C-cumming!” I wait until he finishes before removing my mouth and swallowing. “You did so amazing my dove,” Ominis says. Helping me to my feet I cast a cleaning charm, the mess vanishing. “We should probably go back to class now,” Ominis says whilst holding my face in his hand.

“Ugh, don't remind me.” I say over exaggerating my face. Ominis laughs, having felt my face move.

“Darn…”

“What?”

“It seems my eyes still hurt,” A smirk growing across Ominis’s face.

[ghostphys]

Update after a week of doing this:

So it’s finally update time! Thank you all for the support on my post about this, it really meant a lot!!

I’m going to list the pros and cons of my little experiment, then add a summary/TLDR at the end of the post. This is probably going to be quite a long post as it was definitely an interesting 5 days. P.S, if you have any questions please ask! I’m 100% willing to answer.

Pros:

• My time spent studying over doubled this week. This was the most obvious pro (and the one I was kind of hoping for the most) and I’m so proud of myself for how much I managed to get done. I studied for an average of 4hours/day, whereas before I was only doing 2.

• Studying felt so much more relaxing and productive at night. This probably contributed to the increase in studying; I found I enjoyed studying more, was able to pay attention for longer periods of time, and it started to feel less like a chore, and more like a hobby.

• I started to feel more present in the moment, especially on the bus travelling to/from uni. This wasn’t something I was really expecting, but I think also was partially a result of me deleting social media (which i can totally make another post on if that’s of interest). But where I used to sleep on the bus, or even just daydream, I started to read books, look over notes, and just feel a lot more present in general, which was a fresh of breath air honestly.

• I actually felt a lot less tired while at uni. I think this is most likely due to having been awake for a while before even travelling, so I had plenty of time to wake up. As someone who suffers from both physical and mental health issues, this was really important to me and i was so so much more focused during lectures and just generally wow it was amazing.

Cons:

• Although I found it easier to study, I dedicated a lot less time to keeping my room/study area tidy. I’m not sure exactly why this was, I think maybe just moving around to tidy up at 2/3am felt a bit wrong as I was scared to make too much noise? I think the way around this would be to just tidy right before sleeping at around 6pm, but this was probably my least favourite of the cons:(

• No time for social life outside of uni. Unless your friends are all also borderline nocturnal, then yeah if you are a person who loves going out etc then this is not the schedule for you. Fortunately for me my friends already know i sleep a lot, so most of our socialising happens in between lectures during uni time. (And by that I mean going to caf��s and doing even more studying).

• It was kind of hard to figure out mealtimes? Eventually I settled on only having two meals a day, but just increasing portions sizes, and having more snacks in between. This is just what worked best for me, and this wasn’t a huge con tbh, just kind of confusing at first.

• It was so much easier to just hit snooze on my alarms. Because I didn’t have to worry about a bus to catch or anything forcing me to wake up, I found myself saying ‘just five more minutes’ way more times than I should have. I definitely slept in one day sadly. I think this is definitely preventable, I’m sure there are special alarm apps to help with this sort of thing, and i’ll probably be checking that out.

Summary/TLDR: This was such a fun experience for me, I’m really super proud of myself for trying this out and for improving my studying! All in all I definitely found this to be a positive experience, obviously that’s a personal thing so please don’t take my word to be truth! But just in my experience I really found it to help my mental aspect of studying as well as just physically doing more. Although my room got a bit messier, and I kind of just got disoriented about the time of day sometimes, I definitely think these are things that could have been fixed.

Disclaimer: I only tried this for a week which is definitely not enough time to fully change your sleep schedule, and I am obviously not a professional in this field or in research. This was just a fun little experiment and a chance for me to talk about my personal experience. I’m not encouraging this behaviour or saying it is healthy. (I am not informed about the effects on health this would have long term). Do not take some random person on tumblr’s experience as a holy grail of truth or something like that.

[madfantasy]

Dear blogging

Wish you peace, always. Considering all, it been extra rough. My guardians were sick, and my fragile of a stability was about to break— but it okay now, and the pendulum of consciousness returned swaying in my head.

Somehow in the middle of everything, I was starting to feel okay and accept that this is the best it can get for this non verbal Mani. I honestly I stopped living as if there was tomorrow maybe the majority of 2023, zero drive or hopefulness, and lately started to accept that there's no denying that I'm not made to survive this life, and dropped all pretence that I'm able, set a 5 years counter. Because if mere looking at people's faces distress me so much that I blank out &/or go mute, since childhood, no amount of me forcing myself to watch videos/ pictures over and over can fix that. That's simply how I'm made and I know that now, and in a way it's bringing me peace.

Because I thought I'm bratting when I wore my headphones to cancel out noise that were literally going to drive me insane, or when I couldn't respond to messages knowing that I can articulate deeply in writing but ignoring all the endless times when I simply couldn't, and have forced myself to eat many things that set me days in nausea and abdominal pain while I only enjoy liquids more and get high off of fruits, I love them so much half my OCs are named after some.. and drew.. drew even before I spoke because it was my only outlit to express because how much I'm told I'm like a robot, I'm so expressionless and non reactive and disgustingly literal, even when they actively beat me black Nd blue to stop drawing, I couldn't.. where do you free those emotions when U can, i needed emotion displays and heartfelt trimmers, thrilling or killing, I needed to do them as if my life depended on it, and I haven't realised it back then, but my life was dependent on them, even when I had 'no talent ' , as I have always been told.

(commissioned by precious Julia ♥️🖤)

And besides drawing my needs, I actually, physically, started to feel better when I didn't do what my body said it literally can't do, all my life:

-Walked away from my guardians arguments, my chest stabbing pains became less frequent.

Stopped "practicing" my voice &/or facial expressions, I talk for 2 minutes, immediately my whole face muscles hurt, voice is cracking and gone, I don't feel like my eyebrows hurt as much. I'm okay being the monotone no expresso train c:

-stopped eating what I "don't like" (I mean it's not like I have much choice, but stopped feeling guilty over refusing it cuz food be tight) Nd now I can actually drink more water, and my tummy aches are on lower levels now

-i stopped dealing with Discord, or group chats in general cuz I don't expect accommodation over things I can't deal with. Stopped stressing over doing engaging material that no body seems to care about, cuz I'm not a good judge of demand, or stressing over either I should be thanking everyone who spams me with likes or not, (while I appreciate it to the moon) 90% of the time they don't respond Nd Im forced to think like I've done something wrong. I'm now at more ease with posting — (literally I have to fight the urges to delete my socials daily) just with interacting with who addresses me (I lov U guys sm) and I've been more relaxed from it.

I returned to "speaking in riddles" cuz if I don't use the words my brain spews no matter how weird they R, a tire will pop somewhere on the other side of an AU- idk lo'

-i rock, hum and laugh OUT my maniacal laugh, hard and strong, continued loving and talking to my plushies as I used to do, the easiest thing I could do to feel calmer again. As everyone should do

.. I stopped saying the word sorry. It's a naughty Mani era.

Accepting these facts and many, even with having no will to live had me saner than I ever been, at least I hope so.

I just know that I have a few to be grateful of: that I'm still here somehow, even with my dwindling income, Nd my internet not worth costing 120$± I'm always grateful for the sudden one or two commissions that keeps me here and buys me coffee and pumpkins seeds..

I still struggle horrindously with sleep. But I'm grateful at least I'm at pure ease playing games. Games been my go to media for knowing basically all based on books they were made about, like Severus and Tintin, I still play their ps1 games! Tho I got stuck on this game & their sleep has given me so much ease lo

I'm at my happy place rn, heh.

Bonus panel: ye they R hungry for that SHI- lo 🙈

And an honorary appearance of my OC with Tintin hehe

Stay safe, don't feed the overconsumption machine, don't give up on your heartstrings's stringers, don't worry— there are people who think and feel like you always between the crowds, and I'm thankful that I share the same timeline with you♥️🖤

Sweet dreams 🌃 19.2.2024

[drowningparty]

Recent WLW/GL Series Guide

Going to start a compendium for all things wlw but until then, so everyone is in the loop, will recommend some recently completed and currently airing shows I think people should check out:

Lulu (2022, Philippines) A really great, feel-good show, low budget and a little ridiculous but I love the main couple so much! Watched this with a friend and we both really appreciated how real they and their relationship felt, you could tell this show was made with love. A young woman decides to get away from it all following a break-up, deleting her social media and taking over her family’s sleepy beachside B&B, only to fall for her one-and-only guest, a mysterious tomboy with a pet cactus. When the pandemic hits, they are forced to spend lockdown alone together. 8 episodes, about 30 minutes.

Sleep With Me (2022, Philippines) Excellent series about two young women navigating dating and disability. Love, love, love that they do not exist in isolation, and that their relationship isn’t their entire world, they have friends and families and a job, and how very clear it is they love each other. Also the disabled wlw rep really got me as a disabled wlw its hard out there this series was so important to me. 6 episodes, about 30 minutes each.

Pearl Next Door (2020, Philippines) Spin-off GL webseries featuring a side character from a more popular BL series, filmed like a video blog as the main character, Pearl, navigates dating during lockdown. Very bubbly, bright, but I just felt like I was eavesdropping on a private video chat and couldn’t get into it myself.

Chasing Sunsets (2020, Philippines) Another low budget GL webseries about women falling in love during lockdown, but darker than the last one, deals with  heavy mental health themes, content warnings are on the tin, meant to be educational as well as entertaining.

BetCin (2021, Philippines) An internet famous couple on the verge of a break-up have to pretend to still be in love to win a #relationshipgoals award with a 10 million pesos reward. Still need to watch this but I’ve heard it’s not very good, too L-Word and behind a paywall. Romcom. 8 episodes.

She Makes My Heart Flutter (2022, Korean) New mini-series which fast became a favourite about the dynamic between an aunt and a niece, both lesbians, who both end up working at the same women-only book cafe/bar, the Dickenson Room. Both are at very different places in their life, with the outgoing young niece a popular university student, easily falling in and out of relationships and open about her sexuality, while the shy, beautiful, but intensely private aunt has long been nursing a crush on the same woman, but is afraid she may be straight / not interested. Both help each other navigate romantic relationships, as well as being closeted to their extended family. 5 episodes, 11-16 minutes each.

Our Relationship Ended Before It Began (2022, Korean) Very cute mini-series, an overworked barista develops a crush on her tomboyish boss, doesn’t know what to do about it. Extremely sweet, but too short!

Girlfriend Project Day 1 (2022, Korean) Fun little mini-series, but too short! They are working on funding a season 2. Episodes only 5-9 minutes long, and only 5 altogether, but worth a watch. Two university students, one outgoing, one shy, have to pretend to be in a relationship for a psychology project,  decide to try dating for real.

Welcome to the Lesbian Bar (2023, Korean) 5 episodes, 6-7 minutes, mini-series follows lesbians in a small bar in South Korea. Loved this one, very sweet, very realistic, wish the episodes were a little longer / we got more but really love what we get, good representation of different relationships and dynamics, and also has two butches/toms! The head bartender is wonderful, helps tie together different, unconnected stories.

Love Tech (2021, Korean) Started strong but lost me by the end. Still, it might be your cup of tea! A short black mirror-esque exploration of a dating service that dictates your life, including when and where and how often you go on dates and when your relationship ends. Two women try to game the system.

Nevertheless (2021, Korean) They aren’t the main characters but there is a very sweet best friends to lovers side plot between two female students at this art college which is so good I don’t think anyone should miss it. If you, like me, have no interest in the main plot, there are also compilations available online of just their scenes which I highly recommend, and gives you a movie-length show all your own. Explores coming out a little too, in a quiet way. It’s an art school.

My Fairy Ghost (2022, Japan) Only 4 episodes but really well done. A young novelist struggling to find inspiration for her next novel meets and falls in love with the ghost of an artist who needs her help. Excellent content, liked and subscribed, beautifully done. Loved this!

Six Survivors (2022, Japan) 6 episodes, 24 mins each. Contemporary scifi romcom with young zombie survivors taking cover in a mall and trying to ride out the worst of the apocalypse. Extremely cute, has some gay + bisexual female characters and a love triangle between three of them. There is a little blood and a few supporting characters become zombies, but very light on the actual horror, mostly a character study. Pretty fun.

Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury (2022-2023, Japan) 12 episode first season, second season currently airing, anime, really great series for sci-fi fans even if you know nothing about the franchise (I went in blind and had no trouble), entire first season available on youtube w/ subs, and the dub has just started airing if you prefer dubs. Two girls at a dueling mobile suit school in space become engaged, start a company, and learn about the horrors of war. Not to be missed. (cw: violence, gore, murder, doppelgangers, psychological abuse, childhood trauma, death of family members, child endangerment.)

The Executioner and Her Way of Life (2022, Japan) Another anime that aired last year, 12 episodes, a joy for fans of unhinged, violent women slowly falling in love. The plot is contrived, but good for fans of adventure fantasy. Basically: a magic assassin / priestess is told she has to end the life of an isekai’d girl who can magically control time before she becomes too powerful. It doesn’t help that the girl she’s trying to assassinate falls in love with her, and seems to be impossible to kill, no matter how hard she tries. Contains a nice twist halfway through which made me love their dynamic. (cw: murder, gaslighting, backstabbing, manipulation, bullying.)

The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady (2023, Japan) 12 episodes, 20-25 mins each, extremely gay and breezy fantasy comedy drama! A young princess who gave up the throne steals her brother’s fiancee so she can have an assistant for her magical experiments. Very fun, contains magic and a vampire. If you enjoy it, there’s also a light novel / manga.

Yuri Is My Job! (2023, Japan) Recently started airing anime based on the manga, gay schoolgirls work at a themed cafe where they pretend to be gay schoolgirls, everyone is putting on an act and everyone is into someone who is into someone else, a light comedy that purportedly gets more dramatic as it goes.

I’m In Love with the Villainess (2023, Japan) also translated as I Favour the Villainess, currently airing anime adaptation of a yuri manga, kind of unique for having a protagonist who self-identifies as a lesbian and there’s even a fairly frank discussion of sexuality in an early episode. Anyway, it’s got magic and a pseudo-historic setting (it’s in a video game, and, as I have mentioned, there’s magic). Should have 12 episodes, around 20-24 minutes each.

Mayonaka Punch (2024, Japan) currently ongoing summer anime that wasn’t sold as yuri but definitely. feels pretty yuri, I think if you like gl anime you’ll enjoy this one, it’s very fun and silly, stars a cancelled youtuber and the definitely-a-lesbian-vampire who’s obsessed with drinking her blood forming a whole... vampire polycule of girl vampire youtubers. I don’t know. It’s fun and cute and ridiculous so far. Definitely recommend it if any of this sounds appealing.

She Loves To Cook, She Loves To Eat (2023-2024, Japan) Slice-of-light, slow-paced, wholesome drama about two working, independent women who live in the same apartment complex and meet by chance. One of them loves cooking, but has no one to cook for. The other loves eating. A slow but believable, tender story about slowly falling in love over a shared love of food, would be good for fans of cooking shows as cooking is a big focus. One is just beginning to realise she’s a lesbian. 10 episodes, about 14-15 mins each. Longer second season airing now!

Chaser Game W (2024, Japan) 8 episodes, each 23-24 mins. Former girlfriends, broke-up years ago, now one of them hates the other, modern office romance, high drama, lot of tension, surprising amount of fluff for how angsty it is, one of them is married with a kid, this is a wild ride start to finish but very enjoyable if you don’t mind the fact the main couple never actually talk no one ever talks there’s no talking just a couple that’s very cute being put into a series of situations.

Ayaka is in love with Hiroko! (2024, Japan) will have 8 episodes, currently airing on gagaoolala, a streaming service I've always loved and supported and I highly recommend supporting if you can afford it. First episode is free! Contemporary office romcom based on a manga where a notorious womanizer things a younger coworker who keeps flirting with her is straight, and has no idea she's flirting...? but it is obvious she is flirting. Already hilarious, cute, can't wait to see where this one goes, great chemistry between the leads.

Stupid Wife (2022, Brazil) A woman wakes up after forgetting the last ten years of her life to find herself married to a woman she remembers hating in college with a child. Serious drama, has some darker moments, but with tender moments mixed in, you get to watch them slowly fall in love again. Completed. 8 episodes, 20-30 mins each.

Legend of Yunze (2021-2022, China) A really excellent wuxia featuring two women who fall in love, magic and demons and swordfights. The spin-off series which followed earlier this year, where they are re-incarnated in the modern day and fall in love there as well, also really delightful, and a translation of the second series is now available on youtube. (If you enjoyed this, definitely check out Legend of Yun Qian as well! It’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen and pure candy.)

Led Astray By Love (2022, China) Isekai where a woman from the modern day gets transported into the manhua she’s reading, falls in love with a politically-ambitious woman she initially believes is mute, who fears she may be a spy. Really funny, tooth-rottingly sweet, with a convuluted plot and bitesize episodes that fly by, I loved every minute of it.

Couple of Mirrors (2021, China) First season completed, but renewed for a second. Historical Chinese drama set in the 1920s about an assassin and a famous author whose lives become entangled following a murder. Mainstream, so heavily censored version of a very gay novel/manga, so keep that in mind, but it’s very clear they’re in love and surprisingly domestic near the end. (Murder mystery / police procedural focus since they’re not legally allowed to kiss, so usual cw apply: violence, murder, child endangerment.)

The Vampires (2022, China) Two young women investigate an old haunted ship and find its full of undead with complicated pasts. Very gay in a heavily censored way, surprisingly brilliant special effects and action scenes, fast-paced and engaging. 40 mins. (cw: fantasy violence, blood.)

Nü Er Hong (2023, China) Complete. Mini-series with very short episodes compiled into one hour long video w/ subs, chaotic good fun for fans of wuxia gl with sci-fi/fantasy elements, they are witch/demon/vampires from space? timeless and in love? I am biased b/c I am personally in love with Wang Laoji and women doing martial arts/being gay, but this is a fun one, if you can follow the slightly confusing plot. If you liked Legend of Yunze, don’t miss this one! (cw: blood, vampirism, misogyny, fantasy violence)

Moonlight Fills the Western Tower (2024, China) Completed mini-series, 1 hour 18 minutes. Historical romance between a crossdressing general and a spy who disguises herself as a beggar. I absolutely loved this one, very dramatic, with a lot of action and fight scenes! (cw: a lot of guns, violence, drowning, murder, drugging, some dubcon but it gets. diverted. gets very dark at times, but ultimately has a happy ending.)

A Flower for Three Lifetimes (2023, China) Completed mini-series, short episodes, 30 mins altogether. A flower becomes a real woman and falls in love with her keeper. Costume drama / xianxia.

Wicked Wealthy Women (2023, China) Mini-series, short episodes. Not for me, the plot was too convoluted and hard to follow, but I know it has a big following! A beautiful young woman marries a rich older man because she plans to murder him, quickly learns the rest of his family wants him dead, too. Rich people drama / murder mystery with a lot of backstabbing. Sequel series recently released, too, for fans! (cw: murder / gun violence, ableism, domestic violence, noncon, car accident, suicide, no happy ending.)

A Practical Guide to Being a Superstars Assistant (2022, China) Completed short mini-series, 13 mins. Contemporary romance between a rich, spoiled idol and her personal assistant, a secret fan.

Yun Zhi Xi / Cloudy Stream (2023, China) Upcoming mini-series, supernatural GL drama set in a school. Contemporary with magic / alternate universes.

Sunflowers / Feng Ling Yu Xiu (2017-2023, China) Donghua, extremely sweet animated series following the adventures of two girls who are very much in love. They are both soulmates and both extremely good at fighting and this became a favourite so fast they are so in love its ridiculous and I think about them constantly. S2 started airing this summer, and is also available on youtube w/ subs  (+ Lunar New Year Special!!!)

Dear Uranus (2021, Taiwan) Short mini-series, about lesbians and gncs at a school in Taiwan, develops into a love triangle, made by and for lesbians. A lot of fun but too short, open-ended finale, holding out they make more episodes.

Handsome Stewardess (2019, Taiwan) Okay, not as ‘new’ as the others, but new to me, and I really fucking loved this series about a tom named Holly who wants to spend her life with her new girlfriend, a martial artist, but money is an issue, so she decides to get a job as a stewardess, even though she has to wear a dress. Dramedy, has some very funny, light-hearted moments and some very sad moments mixed together, but I loved this one a lot and have yet to find anything else that can hold a candle to it. (cw: they go hard on fighting sexual harassment, which includes depicting a lot of sexual harassment, be warned; a main character also becomes seriously injured.)

Secrets of 1979 (2021, Taiwan) Not a series so this is technically cheating but this is an amazing movie by Zero Chou that I need to rave about, it’s so good and I think everyone should see it! Two university students who are very much in love spend the summer with one of the couple’s families, living and working on a banana farm. They also end up helping out a magazine all about freedom of information and expression, something the current military regime rulling Taiwan does not condone. (cw: police brutality, violence.)

Fragrance of the First Flower (2021, Taiwan) This series really was not for me, too serious and slow-paced, but I’m sure others will enjoy this series about a wife and mother in a loveless marriage who reconnects with the girl she had a crush on when she was younger, but they were both too afraid to act on it. Now they’ve grown up she wonders if she can.

Encore Martha (2021, Taiwan) Standalone short, but I think it still merits inclusion, as it’s rare to see older lesbians get a shout, and she still looks amazing in her suit! A senior lesbian tom runs into an old love, and they try to reconnect.

2PM Campus (Thai) Follows some female friends in their 20s at university. 4 episodes, around 18-25 mins each. Includes a wlw romance.

Nothing Happens By Accident (2022, Thai) 3 episodes, 8 mins. Contemporary romance. Hurt/comfort, one has a broken arm, the other nurses her. Very sweet, simple love story.

Always Be You (2022, Thai) 2 episodes, 7-8 mins. Quick and easy ‘long time no see’ contemporary love story.

From 1 Metre to 1 Centimetre (2022, Thai) 4 episodes, 8-9 mins. MC who likes to live alone gets a roommate in her dorm, thinks they won’t get along. Has a rule new roommate stays at least 1 metre away from her at all times. This rule gets broken. Contemporary romance.  

Gap the Series (2022-2023, Thai) Recently completed series with 12 episodes, nearly an hour long each, this one is so much fun, an office romcom with every fanfic trope in the book, starring a bright, outgoing young woman who falls in love with her rich, noble, emotionally repressed boss, who is being pressured into an arranged marriage. Highly recommend catching this, it’s very good, and the perfect balance of drama and comedy! (cw: mild homophobia, death of a wlw supporting character, but happy ending for main characters.)

Don’t Break My Mission (2023, Thai) 4 episodes, 6-8 mins each. Low-budget contemporary romance mini-series. One of them is trying get over the other, but keeps failing. Pretty sweet so far.

You are the Cream in my Coffee (2023, Thai) 7 episodes, 6-10 mins. Short coffee shop contemporary GL mini series, very wholesome!

You are the vitamins in my routine (2023, Thai) 4 episodes, 7-11 mins. Short GL mini-series, contemporary romance, but the couple starts out already together for a change. Sweet, wholesome fluff.

Show Me Love (2023, Thai) First episode released on youtube, the rest are pay to view. 9 episodes in total. Beauty pageant contestants fall in love. Update: rest now coming to youtube, too!

Service Charge (2023, Thai) Short mini-series, 3 episodes 5-6 mins. Contemporary romance b/w a housekeeper and an actress.

My Ideal Ratio (2023, Thai) 2 part mini-series, 6 eps, 5-10 mins. Contemporary GL romance. 170 is set in secondary school, 156 in university.

Lemon vs Melon (2023, Thai) First episode of six just released w/ subs, contemporary miniseries, a mistake leads to two women getting forced to live together, sounds like it will be an opposites attract love story.

Lucky My Love (2023, Thai) 5 ep miniseries (1 hour 20 runtime), office romance for fans of Gap, but a lot lighter/more sweet, with less angst, and less chemistry between the leads, but still a cute love story.

Be Mine (2023-2024, Thai) Upcoming GL, prologue episode out, full series will probably drop early 2024! Story seems to be an anthology, follows several wlw couples and friends in a contemporary setting.

Love in the Rain (2023, Thai) Coming soon, two teasers out! A contemporary love story, will be accompanied by three other unrelated GL shows w/ different actors, made by the same team, mostly following idols / musicians. Will update when I know more.

23.5 (2023, Thai) First episode just released, secondary school students in love. Very cute and wholesome first episode, a loner who just transferred to a new school falls in love with a more popular girl. Real sweet so far.

Blank the Series (2023, Thai) Based on the same series as Gap, follows one of Sam’s older sisters, a painter, who is being pursued by a younger woman, age gap relationship, grandmother doesn’t approve. Haven’t watched it yet and final episode isn’t out so can’t tell you if it ends happily, but people seem to be enjoying it? 6 episodes, averaging 50 mins.

Making Memorable Memories (2023, Thai) follows several different office romances happening at the same time between different women, with different dynamics, some who have past history. At the start felt like it was going to be an anthology but then you start to see how their stories intersect, it’s nice! Low stakes, but good. 12 episodes, around 9 minutes each.

Love Senior (2023, Thai) Currently airing contemporary romance b/w engineering students brought to you by a company that mainly makes BL but seems to be branching out. If this and 23.5 do well, there will likely be more.

Anti-Christmas Club (2023, Thai) Three-part mini-series about wlw who don’t like christmas, all around nine minutes.

Sunshine in the Wind (2024, Thai) Upcoming miniseries with a sweet trailer/pilot that just released recently, and a couple that started as a sidecouple from a bl series. Contemporary florist / actress romance.

Reverse 4 You (2024, Thai) Very excited for this, has a Life is Strange energy. New trailer just dropped and it finally has a release date! August 31st!

The Last Case (2024, Thai). WE HAVE A TRAILER!!!! WE HAVE A TRAILER!!!! No release date yet, but sounds VERY fun, looks amazing. Dark murder mystery thriller with modern career sapphics in their mid/late twenties.

My Marvellous Dream is You (2024, Thai). Contemporary romance, 45 min + 8 episodes. Leads have a complicated history. One is a famous actress, one is her stylist, ends up working for her rival instead because she’s being blackmailed. I went off this one quickly it wasn’t for me, too melodramatic, but others may enjoy!

About Galaxy (2024, Thai). GL series, might be out later this year? Not much news lately.

Affair (2024, Thai) Upcoming GL series, first episode airs 30 August. Contemporary romance, friends to lovers, going to have 8 episodes, don’t know much else yet.

Love of Secret (2022, Thai) A series about a family where several members are hiding innocent secrets, and things get confusing. One of the teenage daughters of the house is hiding a secret girlfriend, as well as a secret idol career. (cw: not a love story and they don’t get a happy ending, but it’s cute as a family drama, and it’s lovely how supportive her family are of their relationship while it lasts, but be warned going in, they don’t really get a happy ending.)

Stupid Boys, Stupid Love (2021, Thai) Okay, hear me out. This is a BL series set in a school, but they have a background relationship between two women, a tom/butch and a femme, which is so delightful I think it’s worth giving a shot just for them, even if you don’t usually watch BL or just want to skip to their scenes. It’s a very sweet best friends to girlfriends storyline.

Magic of Zero: Zero Photography (2022, Thai) Anthology series, first standalone episode follows the background wlw couple from Bad Buddy.

Wedding Plan: The Series (2024, Thai) BL series w/ a background GL couple who are already together. They’re sweet, but have far less screentime than the main couple so far. Will keep watching to see how it goes, but basically a contemporary work romance where two friends, a gay man and a gay woman, are trying to get married. The lesbian has a long-term girlfriend and the gay man is falling for the wedding planner. Reminds me a little of Two Weddings and a Funeral (2012).

Pluto (2024, Thai) Upcoming GL series, started filming recently, has a teaser. I believe the plot follows a woman falling in love with somone who has just come out of a coma from a car accident, and is now blind. Sounds heavy. I don’t know if it has a happy ending or not. Will get back to you. o7

The Secret of Us (2024, Thai) Currently airing GL series, a contemporary romance between a doctor and a waitress/student. Will have 8 episodes.

Club Friday: Love Bully (2024, Thai) 4 episodes, 40-50 mins. Contemporary romance between two young career women, ones a struggling bartender and ones about to make the CEO of her family's corporation. Really loved this one, also nice to see some older trans rep with Aunt Jo! (cw: some homophobic & transphobic language & violence from antagonists trying to break-up the happy couple)

The Loyal Pin (2024, Thai) Just started airing, series about a princess and her childhood friend who fall in love starring Freenbecky. Big budget, high society drama where love conflicts with duty. Will have 16 episodes in all, releasing every Sunday.

Omaiseries (2024, Vietnam) Two university students who are roommates fall in love, one already knows she’s a lesbian the other one’s still figuring it out. Very sweet, wholesome, extremely low budget, entire thing looks filmed with a camera phone but if you can overlook that the leads have great chemistry. Still ongoing, currently on the second season! People are sleeping on this but they shouldn’t. 10-12 minute ‘marathons’ collected shorter episodes w/ english subs.

My Other Half (2024, Myanmar) also “The Other Side of My Heart”? Hard to get information for this one, 7 episodes, all around 30 minutes, only just started getting english subs though so waiting for them all to get subbed, will update when I know more and I’ve watched it all!

She (2023, Myanmar) A florist who feels trapped by her relationship with her abusive husband, falls in love with the woman she recently hired. 4 episodes, 10-17 mins each. (cw: domestic violence, sexual assault in first episode.)

Badhaai Do (2022, India) A movie, not a series, but I wanted to include it! Comedy/drama. A gay woman and a gay man decide to enter a lavendar marriage to keep their respective families off their backs, while they date people they’re actually interested in on the side, and eventually decide to raise a family together. Feel good movie, explores unique family dynamics and coming out. (cw: police brutality, blackmail.)

Catch the Light (2019, India) Short 3-episode mini-series about a bisexual woman who is going blind, explores disability, sexuality, and polyamory. (cw: does feature a homophobic parent, so an argument can be made against homophobia by a supportive one.)

Gentleman Jack (2019-2022, UK) Fun while it lasted! Period drama based on the real life of Anne Lister, a womanising, opportunistic, businesswoman from the 1800s who is looking for the perfect woman to set up house with. (cw: casual homophobia, misogyny, classism, and gun violence, typical of the setting.)

Confessions of Frannie Langton (2022, UK) A dark, feminist, period drama based on a novel about a Jamaican maid in 1820s England who falls in love with her master’s wife and is accused of their murder. Heavy and tragic but well done, I do appreciate how unapologetic Frannie is about their relationship, despite the setting. 4 episodes, 45-50 minutes each. (cw: slavery, misogyny, racism, homophobia, abuse, violence, master/servant relationship.)

Hitmen (2020-2021, UK) Sitcom about a pair of middle-aged assassins played by Mel and Sue. Not a romance at all but Sue’s character is gay like her and it’s always nice having older lesbians on television. 2 seasons, 12 episodes. (cw: violence, murder.)

Renegade Nell (2024, UK) historical setting but fantasy themes, butch mc who isn’t super young but is very badass, don’t think too hard about it and it’s a very fun show, she has a female love interest near the end, unclear whether or not it will get renewed but I do recommend this one if you like escapist fantasy shows like Willow, Dickinson, Warrior Nun, Xena, etc. Haven’t seen a lot of people talking about it but very delightful, and the sapphic part was a surprise, I was more happy to see a show about a crossdressing main character in olden times honestly.

Killing Eve (2018-2022, UK/USA) Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer are brilliant, if you just ignore the last series (which was terrible) the first three are a lot of fun and I love the S3 finale. If you somehow managed to miss it, a show about an assassin and the woman obsessed with exposing her, based on a book series with a better ending. (cw: extremely graphic and visceral murders, often played for laughs.)

Willow (2022, USA) New fantasy adventure series, recently completed. 8 episodes, 40-60 mins each. There’s a very good love story between two of the main female characters, a knight and a gender-non-conforming princess, who have been best friends since childhood. Love their chemistry, not to be missed if you like fun, chaotic adventure fantasies, has the feel of a D&D campaign. (cw: typical fantasy violence, blood, a couple of supporting gays are buried in the third episode.)

Haunting of Bly Manor (2020, USA) A popular one, but if you missed it, features a wlw couple who are very sweet, up until they meet their inevitable tragic ending. If you have an issue with ghosts, horror, death scenes, or tragic endings, give this one a miss, but I will say it’s not big on blood or jumpscares if that’s the kind of horror you avoid. I had much more problem with the writing than the ghosts (it’s not great), but the couple are sweet while they last.

I’m Not Okay With This (2020, USA) Short lived coming-of-age Netflix drama cancelled after the first season about a teenage women with a crush on her best female friend who might have supernatural abilities, or might just be going insane. (cw: explores themes of mental illness, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, gore, violence)

One Day at a Time (2017-2020, USA) Sitcom about a Cuban-American family, the eldest daughter realises she’s a lesbian, comes out, and gets a nonbinary partner over the course of the show. 

Arcane (2021, USA) Ongoing, animated series about the main ensembles struggle to survive in a crumbling, dystopian city. I like Vi and Caitlyn, I think their dynamic will get explored a lot more in the second series from what the writers are hinting.

Dragon Age: Absolution (2022, USA) Another animated series on Netflix, not a love story at all but has sapphic main characters in a messy relationship at the centre of their drama and I love to see it. Only 6 episodes.

Dickinson (2019-2022, USA) The first series didn’t win me over but the last two were a lot of fun, not to miss. Escapist, surreal, anachronistic take on the life of Emily Dickinson that lets you forget the dreariness of real life if you let it. Very gay ending. 3 seasons, 30 episodes.

Harley Quinn (2019-2023, USA) Animated series, DC universe, follows Harley Quinn post-leaving the Joker and her best friend Poison Ivy, who she ends up dating, they’re both bisexual, nothing gay happens until the second season but much is made of their friends-to-lovers dynamic from the comics. 3 seasons, 25-30 min episodes, and a standalone valentines day special.

Harlem (2021-2023, USA) Ongoing comedy series following four 30-something black women in NYC who are friends trying to balance relationships with their careers. One’s a lesbian player, and another character learns she’s bisexual (with someone else).

Only Murders in the Building (2021-2023, USA) Ongoing sitcom, not especially gay but you learn one of the main trio is bisexual in the second season when she gets a female love interest. 

Warrior Nun (2020-2022, USA) Still need to watch the much lauded second season, but a supernatural action series with a sapphic endgame a lot of people are enjoying right now I need to catch up on. Sadly, was not renewed.

A League Of Their Own (2022, USA) A fun series that is so extremely gay I needed to lie down after the night club episode. Women during WWII try to become professional baseball players, start careers independent of men, and get taken seriously. A delight to watch, but period-typical homophobia, sexism, and racism peppered throughout.

[littlecatfishgoddess]

Your last post, about edging and sending, is so fucking evil. You probably don't even have a clue. That happened to me with another Domme. I thought it was just a fun way of combining gooning and financial domination. It was so much worse. It nearly ruined my life. The denial kept me wired constantly. Could only sleep for an hour or two at a time, before I would wake up horny and confused. I would hold off and tell myself not to send today. But the arousal would keep building. Then I would suddenly see something that triggered me and I say to myself "I'll just send $1 a bunch of times. Just keep sending till I reach the edge." Of course, after stopped, I was even more insanely horny and desperate than before. And much more likely to do it again a few minutes later.

Gradually it started feeling lame, but by that time I already spend a few 100s and I did not want to cum and quit. I was "invested" in it. However, the edges were hard to get and less satisfying than ever.

I started sending $5 sends instead. That made it more intense. I'd send 6-7 times and get to the edge that way. But one time I accidentally double tapped and typed $55.

Instead of deleting the extra digit, I froze. Something in my head told me: "Fuck! If I sent $55 that would be so FUCKING INTENSE!". I was still stroking while thinking this and that didn't give me time to think clearly. At that point, either I would stop or press the the "pay" button. Fuck CA, I hate that app. Ruined my life.

I hit pay.

A flood of adrenaline hit me like a brick wall. I was sweating, heartbeat fast like crazy, couldn't breath. What the fuck did I do? I payed $55 just to stroke my cock a couple of times. Fucking idiot.

I literally threw my phone away from me. I was pissed at myself. What a fucking waste of money!

But my cock was throbbing so hard. Instant edge. Had to stop in fact, but it was like I stayed on the edge for a good ten minutes after, without touching.

Looking back it was such a rush. I don't think anything could beat that. Except there was something that could.

I forced myself to get up and do other things and clear my head. Swore never to do any of that shit again. Domme shrugged and told me to go ahead and take a break.

Jerked off like a maniac and came 9 times in 2 days. I thought that was the end of it.

Next week, I was back. Same rules. No touching unless I am actively sending. No orgasms only edging. She said "you will be a mindless ATM". I actually thought that was hot. Fucking moron!!

I thought this time I'd be more careful. Keep the sends small. Be cool. Just a hot way to make the edge more intense. Wasn't working though. I mean it worked just enough to keep me hooked, but not enough to give me any lasting satisfaction.

I would start with $5 sends. Between typing the numbers, choosing the recepient, pressing pay (fuck the shape of that pay button is still branded in my mind's eye), hit confirm a bunch of times, I could stroke for maybe 10 seconds before it was time to stop... or send again.

Of course I needed to do it again. After the third or fourth time, things would start get going. By going I mean, the voice in my head would start saying: "double it, it will make it so much more intense! Do it, I dare you!" I would try to argue, resist, but then something else would happen. I'd started spacing out.

Probably because of sleep deprivation, or all the hypno stuff I watched for years, I started getting in the habit of basicaly trancing out. Fuck, I wasn't even looking at porn. It was just an app with numbers, and I was jerking off to it while my mind would go blank. I would quickly turn into a fucking zombie. And soon I'd send $10 a couple of times. Instant rush, but not enough to get to the edge. Then I'd send $20. I could not stop myself. I had to continue and gradually send more until I reached the edge. I tried to stop before I reach the edge a few times, but it did nothing for me. Worst than nothing, it was like I wasted the opportunity and money for no reason. No, I HAD to get to the edge.

Long story short. I ended up with a routine. Wake up in the middle of the night. Start stroking and sending $5 dollars. Then start doubling till I reached an edge. Each edge would end up costing me $400 to $1000. I would edge fall asleep. Wake up an hour later, do it again. 3-4 times a night and more during the day. And the "sessions" would only take a minute or two. It was fucked. I was fucked. I was so so fucked. I still am. I am so fucking triggered right now just writing this. I want to do it again. But I am broke and that's the only thing keeping me from relapsing. I have to cum 3-4 times a day just to keep myself from spiraling. Lost over 30K I think and I hate myself. This fucking ruined my life. I will NEVER be able to have normal sex. I will always crave to chase that thrill. Nothing else comes even close. It's like jerking off at the edge of a cliff with a gun pointed at my head. Gooning is a joke compared to the massive dopamine hit I got from this. This shit should be illegal.

You probably won't post this, but you should go fuck yourself for posting about this stuff. I pray to god nobody else ever tries it.

lol... that's hot.

Anyway: Send

[fire-water-grass-core]

OOC

tl:dr i'm placing all my blogs on indefinite hiatus, i'll be putting that in my pinned posts as well.

Well. I made the decision. it's been coming for a while tbh, i've taken a lot of breaks in the last few months, and if i'm honest i never really wanted to stop these breaks. I'm not having fun roleplaying here anymore. It's an ugly truth, but its a truth.

I don't want to blame anyone but myself, please don't get this wrong. But i want to explain myself and i want to be honest. And also, i'm very sorry about incoherent rambling, i can't really help it right now.

I feel like i had no involvement in this community anymore. Which is... objectively false, but that doesn't help me feel better. All the people that made me join rotomblr either left themselves or they evolved so much and so fast that i can't keep up. There are new people as well, and there are many that i like a lot, but in the end, rotomblr is changing way too fast for me to keep up and it simply kills all my joy and motivation. (again, i don't blame anyone here. I want you to have fun. It's just sad that i can't be part of the fun)

I have tried a lot to bring my motivation back to rotomblr by making A LOT of blogs, some have been very well received, some are not getting any attention. And again, i understand that. I don't want anyone to force themself to be into something they're not. And i understand much much better that i can't just expect a blog i created 5 minutes ago to get asks and followers in the hundreds. But this is, in the end, another reason for me to feel left out.

I also tried to plan an event, i tried making a story and none of it really went anywhere. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you can go and plan something like this, and how you work together with people like this, and i just can't keep it up anymore. It's gotten so bad that i actually fear opening the app on my phone. I don't read my favourite blogs anymore. And since i realized that, i also realized i need to make a change.

In addition, there is also real life, and other hobbies, and all of it is draining the limited time i have as well as my mental capacity and lately have been getting REALLY depressed. Not specifically because of rotomblr, but i think it's been a part of it.

So. I have made the decision to put all of my blogs on hiatus. I don't want to delete them, because i had it often that i just gave up on a hobby or a game or a book and came back to it after a long time. And honestly, i like a lot of the characters. They are very dear to me, and most of them only live through tumblr, and i don't want to lose them. But i don't have concrete plans to come back anytime soon.

On the other hand, i won't leave the few discord servers i'm in, mostly because i still really like the community and i consider quite a few of you people good friends by now.

PS: I am so incredibly upset with myself it's unbelievable. When i made the blog and started having really a lot of fun, i said to myself that i want to keep this hobby up for one year. That was my goal. And i failed. FUCK. On the other hand i have been ignoring rotomblr for a bit already and it's been kinda freeing. so... yeah... meh.

[hanasnx]

indy do u ever experience writers block? i feel like that brain of yours really gets put to work, u make it look so easy

writing is truly my only hobby. it’s writing, watching things, and video games. i do indeed experience writer’s block, i’ve been writing my entire life, almost two decades of experience in it. so i have tried and true methods for getting around it. before i begin those methods, i would like to say: do not force it. if you have to force it, you don’t actually wanna do it and therefore it’s not worth doing. i experience what i call “indy droughts” which is usually a period of time, days, weeks, months that i don’t write and i don’t wanna write, so i just don’t. anyways, let’s get on to my tips.

1) create a ritual. fill your water bottle, bring a sweet drink, go to the bathroom.

2) if you get your laptop all ready and then suddenly you don’t wanna write, do it on your phone. you trick your brain into thinking you’re only gonna write a couple sentences, or jot an idea down, or answer an ask and then suddenly you’ve gotten into the zone. it’s a low pressure, low stakes situation, which helps your brain chill out instead of making it think it has to write because you brought your big bad laptop out.

3) music. listen to music. especially music that matches the atmosphere of what you’re writing.

4) if you’re in the middle of a piece, and something is just not working. you were writing, and now you’re not, you’re staring at the page waiting for the words to happen: that means you don’t like where it’s going. you may think you do, but you don’t. take the last section or sentence and delete it. use it for a different piece. right now, take it in a different direction.

5) i usually start a piece a couple different ways before i get into it. i’ll write a beginning sentence opener and then delete it and try again. i’ll do it a few more times like a warm up of brain jumping jacks and then i’ll get into it.

6) if you have asks, answer them. answer the small ones first, the ones that don’t require a lot of time. move onto bigger ones at your leisure. and only write what speaks to you. it’s another warm-up for your brain.

7) set a timer for 15 minutes and then no matter what, write. doesn’t have to be good. just write. i did that kind of thing for kinktober and it was truly the only reason i got through it.

8) if you have wips that just aren’t working, even if the idea is good but you just can’t get it to work and you’re like “maybe someday!” you are lying. get rid of them or post the idea in the form of one sentence. do not say you’ll do it because if you don’t wanna do it now, you don’t wanna do it later, you are creating a chore for yourself. writing is supposed to be fun. not chores.

9) my favorite method is taking a walk. i listen to my music and i take a walk. it helps my brain develop all kinds of scenes to occupy myself while i walk. and i get sunlight and it’s fresh air and it’s good for you. walking helps and is the most fun.

if none of these work, don’t worry. they might work later. you have to do these things knowing there’s a chance you won’t write after them, and that’s okay. but you’ll never get anywhere making yourself feel bad, or trying to force yourself into doing something your brain simply does not wanna do.

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Season 2 Rewatch Drabbles--2x09 The Queen of Hearts

Summary:  A series of 100-500 word drabbles to accompany my   rewatch of season 2 of Once Upon a Time as an attempt to finally jump   start the muse again.  There will be a drabble–either a deleted scene, a   “fix it” fic or a character musing for each episode of the season.    Focus will be on Emma, Henry, the Charmings and Killian–with an   emphasis on the very beginnings of Captain Swan’s epic love story, as   soon as a certain dashing pirate makes his appearance.  

Word Count: 1262

Other Chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (17.5) (18) (19) (20) (21-22) (22)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Note: I know, I know.  This installment is more than twice the word count I limited myself to in these drabbles (making this clearly not a drabble), but I couldn’t end it with that first scene.  I just couldn’t!  We needed a little hope and inspiration after all!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dried up. Dead. Useless. Much like you.

Emma slumped down the rocky wall of Rumplestiltskin’s cell and settled on the ground, dropping her head as the utter futility of their situation washed over her.

For several minutes after Cora and Hook had left the cave, her anger had fueled her, giving her the strength to use her sword to bang away at the bars of their prison, to use brute force to try to get them the hell out of here.

If nothing else, it had been a good outlet for her aggression.

The absolute son of a bitch!

He’d betrayed her, betrayed them all, stolen the heart out of a princess’s chest for the sole purpose of manipulating them.  Who did that?

You betrayed him first, a small voice in the back of her mind whispered.

It was that voice that made the fight go out of her entirely.  Maybe if she hadn’t betrayed him, he would have continued to help them.  Maybe it would be Cora in this cell instead of them. He’d already shown himself to be endlessly resourceful.  Who’s to say she hadn’t picked the wrong side?

Not that she had any illusions that he was anything more than an absolute blood-thirsty mercenary, who would stoop to absolutely anything to get what he wanted.  No, she was right to not trust him.

Where she messed up was in trusting herself.

Dried up. Dead. Useless. Much like you.

He was right; she was useless.  What good had she ever been?  Yeah, she was the “savior”, but this cell, the scroll Rumple had written, proved it wasn’t anything special about her.  She was the savior because Rumple had made her the savior.  Now that she’d broken the curse she was indeed useless.

And even a man she’d just met could see it.  The two of them understood each other, after all.

Dried up. Dead. Useless. Much like you.

The thing is…he hadn’t meant it; not really.  Her superpower had not only flipped on at that phrase but sounded as loud as a five-alarm fire warning.  He’d been lashing out, trying to hurt her.

Because of how badly you hurt him.

The guilt bumped the hopelessness out of the way to take center stage.

He may have been lying his (smoking hot) ass off when he compared her to the bean, but his insistence that he wouldn’t have left her at the top of the beanstalk?  Yeah, that had been entirely sincere.  He’d trusted her, believed in her, put his life on the line for her, and she’d betrayed him.

Because I knew he’d screw me over the first chance he got!

Her superpower flared to life again.  That was a load of crap and she knew it.  She’d betrayed him, because she sensed she could trust him.  She sensed he could become something to her, something big and important and all encompassing, and she couldn’t go there again.  

And because of her fear, they were in the mess they were in now.

Mary Margaret continued talking about hope and optimism, insisting they would find a way out and get home, but truth be told, Emma was beginning to wonder if they’d all be better off if they just left her here.

She was, after all, dried up, dead and useless.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey!”

Killian’s heart leapt at the sound of her voice, the relief overwhelming.

He was under no illusions that he was anything more than a villain.  He’d done what he had to do to preserve his chance at revenge, aye, but he’d done so at a price that turned his stomach.

He’d never forget the squelching sound that accompanied his removal of Aurora’s heart.  He’d killed before, of course.  Killed, injured, maimed, manipulated, all of it.

But he’d never ripped out a heart.

The bile rose in his throat just thinking of it, visions of Milah swimming before his eyes.  What had he become in his quest to avenge her?

Still, as uncomfortable as ripping out Aurora’s heart had been, it had been nothing to the look in Swan’s eyes when he’d compared her to the dried-out bean. It was such a stupid and preposterous lie that he was surprised he’d been able to deliver it with a straight face.

She was anything but useless.  She was extraordinary.  He could see that even through the pain of her betrayal.

How could he truly blame her for her actions?  Was she not protecting herself just as he was? She was desperate to get back to her son after all.

The guilt deepened at that.  Killian had already separated one boy from his mother, and the guilt of that had eaten away at both Milah and him every day of their lives together.  What manner of man was he to break up another family?

It had been enough that he had almost almost changed his mind, almost defied Cora.

But that would have been suicide.  And a suicide from which nothing useful could have come.

Given that, he’d tamped down his guilt and left with Cora, hoping beyond hope that Swan would find some way home, that her resourcefulness would get her out of that blasted cave.

And so, when the princess brigade had shown up on the scene, shooting the compass from Cora’s hand and rushing them like a troop of avenging angels, his most predominant emotion was relief.

Cora ordered him to get the compass, and he’d turned to comply, coming face to face with Emma Swan bearing down on him with her sword outstretched.

A blind man could have seen her lack of skill with the weapon.  He could have ended their “duel” before it even began, but he had no desire to defeat her, even less to do her bodily harm. His mind went to the bean he possessed.  Perhaps there was a way for the both of them to achieve their objectives.  Perhaps he could let her obtain her prize—could prove to her that he was wrong, so very bloody wrong, in the way he compared her to the bean.

Perhaps he could remind her just how special she was while at the same time retaining his ability to exact his revenge on his sworn enemy.

So, he’d toyed with her, remaining on the defensive (although he couldn’t resist a bit of blatant innuendo once he’d flipped her to her back.  The opportunity to see the surprise—and maybe even a bit of desire—in her eyes, too delicious to pass up).

In the end, back in possession of the compass, she’d dealt him a blow that knocked all sense from him.  He’d come to minutes later—just in time to watch in horror as Cora’s hand shot forward, plunging into Swan’s chest.  He’d been frozen in place, the shock and revulsion so pervasive he couldn’t move; couldn’t speak, couldn’t even cry out.

But then it had happened.  A burst of magic shot forth from Swan, blasting Cora back with such force that she was rendered unconscious.

He was right; she truly was remarkable.  Just like this bean that would soon be restored to its former glory, Emma Swan was back.

Far from dried up, dead and useless, Emma Swan was the best of them all.

                                                                                      Next Chapter-->

[midnightt-vice]

I now have 50 works on my AO3! I made my account in November of 2017 because of one fanfic that I wanted to put out for others to read. It was a Charles Vane x reader piece that I was super proud of and since Vane had a death grip on me for 3 years of my life, I didn't want to write self-indulgent fanfictions and keep them to myself. Like that's cool and all but I was tired of seeing so little content for him and I decided I was going to create what I wanted to see.

And I am The Dumbass that likes minor and/or unloved characters most of the time. I'm not about to let these characters go without the love they deserve. Idc if their only scene is a minute or if they're in a game that's 20 years old or if they've evil or gross. I want them and I know that others do as well.

Anyway! I wrote a lot of things and posted like... every single piece of fanfiction that I did write. I deleted a handful of them because I didn't like them or they weren't going anywhere/I had no plans for them.

Earlier this month I finished my first lengthy work that's 31 chapters long and that I worked on for 5 years but have only posted for 3 years. For the first 2 years I had no idea where to go with it and then, just a few months of posting the first few chapters, my hard drive it was on DIED. I thought I had made a backup of it but I didn't. I was able to revive this hard drive and got all of my stuff off of it and was able to resume writing that fic. It was my fucking passion project and kept me entertained when nothing else could hold my attention. For 5 years it was with me through a lot of major life events and I wasn't sure that I wanted it to end, but I knew that I didn't want to give up on it.

I don't really keep track of numbers, they drive me crazy, but I absolutely love seeing people flock to a new work to read it. Like I can't express how many times, in this year alone, I've posted a new piece and by the time I woke up, it has like 200 reads. That's insane to me! And people like and bookmark these things to share/come back to later? That's wild to me. To think people like the absolute (mostly) degeneracy I write.

I didn't think that little ol' me in 2017 writing a fanfic of Charles Vane out of pure thirst would get me 50 posted works deep in 2024.

And I still write (mostly) degenerate smut but I love seeing how vast my writing style can be, and the ways I've improved and how I'm always wanting to improve. Some days I didn't want to write at all and I wouldn't and it got me into a rut of zero creation - no writing, art, drumming, crafting - none of it. And that kills me on the inside for a lot of reasons. But writing keeps my mind active, keeps me entertained, and overall helps me function better. Very rarely do I have to force myself to write anymore because I keep a good schedule that also allows me to have frequent, planned breaks to enjoy non-writing life.

This year is the most I've written in 3-4 years. I'm really happy that I got back into the swing of it in January because I don't know what I'd be doing if I didn't.

Anyway this post is way too long now to be excited about 50 works on AO3 since 2017. But yeah anyway, never thought I'd have 50 works of fanfiction at all, let alone online for thousands of people to read. Thank you to everyone who's read or even peeked at my AO3. I absolutely love putting out things for others and I'm thrilled to know others enjoy it!

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Regular sleep experiment day "fuck it" of idec.

Again I fell asleep at some point after 10, woke up some time later and laid in bed trying to sleep for what I would estimate was at least about 2 hours, before checking the clock and seeing it was only 12:30 instead of even 3 am.

I'd propose that what I try next is just sleep in two 4 hours shifts, one at day and one at night, but that's effectively what i have been doing and my night sleep just erased itself.

I have crawled out of bed to have a cokey-cola and watch x-files because I don't want to spend yet another night just laying there from before midnight until after 5 without sleeping.

Illicit nighttime caffeine tastes so cold and crisp and fizzy. I actually put this box of them in the fridge before consuming them all so they are actually cold. I was torn between avoiding aluminium and avoiding microplastics, but I wanted to be able to drink it in smaller portions without the whole bottle going flat, so I got cans. Tasty tasty rule breaking.

I don't think it matters, my only hope now is to completely upend my current 'schedule' so I can sleep for more than 4 hours in a day again. I need to so desperately. I am getting weird chest pains again, and my heart acts up more when I am sleep deprived.

I guess another part of the problem is that the time I get sleepy at acts like I have a non-24h sleep cycle, where I have to push my bedtime by 1-3 hours each day or I just lay there awake, but the time I wake up -usually- understands what time it is on the clock and will be at the same consistent hour anyway. I have no problem with laying there awake telling myself calming scenarios until I drift off, but the problem is that if i do that too much, my brain becomes content to lay there all night thinking. It's best for my sleep in general if I can fall asleep shortly after laying down.

I have considered that this might be due to having an alarm which can force me awake at specific times by uh... Waking me up, but even if I set a sleep time alarm, which I do, which I currently have, it can't uh... FORCE me to fall asleep. So my body is trained to wake up at a consistent 24h kind of hour, which it will do with no alarm, but not to get sleepy at a consistent 24h kind of hour... Melatonin doesn't help set this time and sleeping pills do something weird to me that makes me really wakeful if not alert or full of any energy. [The last time I tried sleeping pills I was awake for 48 hours despite laying in bed for over 10 hours doing breathing exercises...]

None of this is a symptom of any disorder currently known to man, unless it just counts as the irregular sleep patterns you expect from a patient with dementia or certain psychotic disorders, neither of which I have to the best of my knowledge. Except the caffeine not being helpful thing, that's adhd for sure. So I don't really think there's any point in prioritizing this issue with doctors over my other problems because they aren't likely to know of disorders that I can't even find mention of on the internet in either formal or informal spaces, especially not my gp, and they can't prescribe me anything anyway due to my metabolism being weird. I have brought up issues sleeping before and I get a lot of shrugging. It doesn't help that I sleep 16 hours a day the other half of the time, so they can't treat one problem without making the other worse.

I have also tried alcohol to try to sleep by now, for the record, and that's how I was able to scrape about 20 minutes out of this.

So now I drink this can of coke, feed my cat, and see if caffeine helps me sleep.

If I can't sleep from now until 5, I am going to try again at just staying awake all day to delete whatever 'schedule' my brain thinks it's on now so I can sleep more than 4 hours. If I can sleep from now until 5... I am going to do that, but also let myself have caffeine at bedtime again.

Fuck it, I don't even care, I just want to sleep.

This is why trying to force myself onto a regular schedule is always a pipe dream that turns into regrets.

[cloudbells]

4, 9, 18, 38 for your mcu ask game! ILY❤️

HI THANK YOU ILY TOO MWAH MWAH <3

4. NOTP (Least favorite ship)

I have a couple answers to this that I can be normal about hating…but I fear the facade of me being not absolute bonkers coo coo crazy has long faded. So I will answer this with truth.

If I could mentally eradicate the existence of WinterIron from the minds of every single person who has contributed to its success…I’d wallow in the ethics of that for about 5 minutes and then immediately do it #mindwipingiscoolactually #giveMEthemindstone. I truly, truly, despise that ship with everything in me. And this isn’t a secret! Anyone who has ever spoken to me knows I hate this ship. Just the mere sight of it makes me sick to my stomach oh my goodness. Everyone knows to the point where I'll get disclaimers about any hint of winteriron in fic recs (also i love you guys who do this y'all are so REAL). And it’s not even for, like, morals reasons. I just hate it so much because of how I’ve seen it portrayed. I wish I could say the ship not making sense is the reason I hate it most, but it isn’t! Even though I firmly believe it makes no sense. That’s not anywhere near my main problem with it because I have plenty of ships that don’t make sense (Never ask user cloudbells what her current favorite ultra-sparkly rare pair is [the two characters aren't in the same fandom or even sister fandoms]). 

I hate it for petty reasons. And I hate that it’s so popular. Why is it one of the most popular ships?! Why do people like them? Well, I know why people like them, but I wish I could live my entire life with never seeing it ever again. Every time I’ve ever saw it, it involves some weird ass Steve characterization. But also, I just hate the idea of taking Steve’s top ships and making them in love with each other and then all the weird hateful undertones when it comes to Steve? Plus, in no way are Tony and Bucky ever getting together. I can’t even stand them as besties if we’re gonna get real lmao. I can handle them becoming friendly…maybe friends eventually, but anything further than that and I need Ativan or something to chill out. Omg, I can’t think about this anymore, someone get the straightjacket. I’ll admit myself to residential. But I do always love the chance to talk about things I don’t like. 

9. Favorite fight scene

Gotta say I’m a sucker for the scenes in CATWS where Steve fights Bucky. I love them so much. I love how you can clearly see the way his body twists, the way his muscles tense and release, the way his strikes flow - how sharp his jumping, punching and kicking are. UGH. It does everything for me. I loooooove Steve’s fighting choreography. He fights so clean…at least to me, someone who isn’t a trained fighter. Hm, well, maybe with this in mind, I should say I love the elevator fight. Or Hell - Natasha’s fight scenes. Side note that has nothing to do with the MCU: this just reinforced how much I love hand to hand. I remember when I watched Naruto and used to complain constantly over the lack of good taijutsu fights. I like seeing contact!!

18. Things you'd do if you're one of the MCU writers

Erm…SteveTony canon? Just kidding. But I wouldn’t say no to adding more undertones.

In all honesty, if we’re not talking about re-writes…I would absolutely give more weight to the Clint and Natasha relationship. I just mentioned this to someone, but I would do anything for a movie or mini-series or something just to see the moment where Natasha came to kill Clint and he instead decided to take her in, convince Fury to help, assisted with deprogramming her, ect. I’d love it. Seeing Natasha learn to trust again, seeing Clint struggle and being active in her healing. Natasha coping with everything she’s done, ect. Their bond forming…I need it. If any has any fic recs…

If we’re talking about Steve specifically, I would single-handedly force everyone to keep his deleted scenes and find somewhere to put them. I just wish we had more context on Steve himself. Like, I don’t need to see him having a self vs self angst we see with many other characters, because he’s not the type that needs that - but his external circumstances are fucking shitty and I’d love to see those explored more. I’d rewrite CACW to be more blatant on Steve’s motivations. I mean Hell, they were pretty damn clear to me, but apparently I can’t use myself as the leading authority on things like this (boooooo) and since it’s a CAPTAIN AMERICA movie, it should center around him. I shouldn’t have to defend Steve from the fandom concerning his own damn movie. 

I have some more thoughts but this post is getting long omg, I might not have enough space.

38. Favorite and least favorite villain

Favorite? I really like the potential Kang has (though he wasn’t really…great to me in Ant Man tbh). But anyways, my favorites are Alexander Pierce and Killmonger. I’ve mentioned why I like Pierce as a villain before, but it boils down to how calmly and near seamlessly he executed his power. I’ve always loved a villain that is so outwardly calm and calculated and manages to manipulate even the most suspicious of people, precisely because from his view, his goals aren’t very different from some heroes’. And because he believes in his evil so deeply, it makes him more patient and determined to carry forward. I like that. Chills!

My like for Killmonger is more…it’s a little removed from the MCU verse. I’m a black American, so I really understood where his anger and sense of betrayal came from. I mean, we're also from the same exact city. And I grew up with all typa diaspora wars between black people and African people that felt reflected in the movie…it all just really connected with me. He’s still the villain no doubt for how he went about it, but I truly, truly got his resentment. His emotions and motivations make sense! And I love a character that makes sense. 

Least favorite? The Howard guy in WandaVision. Ouuuuu, put me and him in a room for 2 minutes and he’ll be handled, permanently! I don’t even think he’s a badly written character because he (unfortunately) makes sense. But oh my goodness, I hate him so much. Now, least favorite as in boring or bad? Ultron, in my opinion. He could have been so much cooler, much more formidable, much more terrifying…but if they really dived into it, Ultron’s reign wouldn’t have started and ended in just one movie. But damn, was he disappointing.

Oh! If Namor counts as a villain (he does) I really like him. And NOT just because he's sexy and I have had a period of time where I had a very guilty and shameful crush on him.

Thank you for the ask!! <3

[good-gremlin]

you get stuck in the void at the end

HORRIBLE GUIDE ON HOW TO MAKE SP WITH IPAD PRO SCREEN RECORDING

notes for myself so i dont have to punish myself going thru this again

YOU NEED: iPad pro, separate mac computer, air drop enabled, adobe premiere pro, adobe media encoder

1 screen record on your ipad. it gonna be like 3 hours of footage that suck up space for a fucking short drawing session.

2 airdrop files to computer after editing all clips together in iMovie (CUT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO REDUCE FILE SIZE! SAVE AS 1280x720)

3 go to after effects and drag the movie in it. change comp size to 1280 if iMovie forces you to save bigger

3.5 MAKE TIME CHANGE! speed up your VID file FIRST! you make like a time stretch i think. change 30fps to 3fps i dont remember what the guy said

4 separate your audio (if you were listening to sm on your iPad, i listen to music) in effects and add in ur speedpaint audio you will need to go to youtube wav converter . org i think it was called? that one has no porn bots n crap and then put the mp3s in the editing composition and move the audio how its supposed to be

5 omfg ummm if the last song is too long look up a vid on how to trim audio i was too fucking tired

6 OPEN adobe media encoder

7 EXPORT to adobe media encoder reader

8go to your best friend media encoder and drag your aep project and drop it in there if exporting doesnt work. it willl hold ur hand and say ok hon what do you want do you want a quicktime or a h.247 click h/246 whatever it means mp4 i need to sleep

9click and wait a reasonable 10 minutes to compress 3 hours of sped up footage

10 drop and drag your same aep to create a QUICKTIME export just incase the mp4/mov is too big

10.5 i held a grunge against after effects so it turns out you can trim the end of your clips in media encoder so i trimmed the long end of the song off there!

11 omh it works i dragged it on tumblr and youtube and it worked df. IT HAS TO BE MP4! THE MOV FILES ARE TOO BIG!

12 wait a day for your videos to be posted and then DELETE and PERMANENT TRASH all the files you used! you dont need it anymore it will free up space

[theresthesnitch]

I don’t know if there’s a word for it but I’m dealing with harsh productivity guilt right now. I’ve got three fics and a novel I’m working on and I just feel so stuck with all of them. I also lost my rabbit recently and that I should give myself space to grieve but had all these things I wanted to do over the holidays and no energy to do that.

Anyways, sorry for the bummer ask but I just wanted to set this down somewhere

Friend, I'm so sorry you are struggling.

Send me an ask about anything or nothing.

First, I just want to say that I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is so hard, but this time of year just seems to make that weigh heavier. I am sending you all the love and condolences I can muster.

Productivity fatigue is a bitch. It's so frustrating when you want to write and just can't. However, I've found that when I try to force myself to write a story that isn't working, I end up hating whatever I produce.

I wouldn't be too quick to write off not writing as not being productive though. Sometimes I'll get stuck on a story, and as I think through it for a few days, something will finally click that makes it work. Maybe you're waiting for that click, but thinking about your writing is part of the writing process, and you're making progress!

I recommend doing something–anything–else. Read a book or a fic, especially if there's one close to what you want to write. (I know there are mixed opinions on this, but I find that reading good fics makes me want to write more, but my way.) Watch television. Catch up on the gossip (and drop it in my ask box because it's anon ask hour and I love some tea). Take a nap. Make holiday cookies! Most of all, give yourself some space to grieve and feel, because bottling it up doesn't work well.

If you want to try to force writing, here's some suggestions for jumpstarting writing:

Write something adjacent to your fics/book. Have your characters write letters to each other or write a diary. Have one of your characters explain the plot from their POV (this works best in first person). These will both force you to get in your character's head more than just trying to push through the fic. Or, write a deleted scene! Did your character have dinner with their parents, or an off screen conversation?

Alternatively, write up a goofy character fact sheet. What is your character's favorite food? What on their grocery list? What was on their Christmas/Birthday wish list when they were five? Anything to get you thinking about the character.

Is there a scene in the future you can't stop thinking about? Write it now. Writing out of order is so liberating. You can keep or change it as necessary later.

Run sprints on Discord. There's something about competition, even against myself, that really makes writing easier. If I'm stuck in my head, I like to start with a 5 minute sprint. (Sprinto will do one under the prompt "sprint quick".) A five minute sprint is so short that you have to force yourself to focus, and at the end of 5 minutes, I find myself more into my writing than I was before.

Write something else. I know this is rich coming from someone with 30ish WIPs, but sometimes you just have to write something that gets the creative juices going. Find a short prompt, or write a single scene, or just write some headcanons!

Hope this helps, and I hope you find productivity again.

[baladric]

🎈💥🕯️<-- that's meant to be the fandom/social one, the candle emoji is there twice for me (???) and also please don't feel bad for being Earnest it is wonderful and makes me feel more excited about like, being alive in a world where people care deeply about things

see, i agree re: earnestness, it's just didn't know that when it's ME doing it, it's CRINGE? (a;lkdfjalwfd this is a callout for my own fallacious internal voice) thank u and i love u!!!!!!

🎈 Describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

ohh this is a good one! i'd say it's a little of both? i notice that my rhythm and diction change depending on what sort of genre i'm writing in or the fandom i'm writing for (my goblin emperor stuff is less florid than, say, my raven cycle fic, and far crunchier than all the unfinished stranger things shit in my docs, which is a lot punchier and quippier [and VIOLENT ;alkdfjwd and ohh what a weird discovery to find that i enjoy writing physical fights]) but! my motivations as a writer stay the same through each piece! anyone who read both my v old king falls am fic and, say, sweet hope (a person that i doubt exists, since these are both WAY too niche) would see that underneath the very different language and social dynamics, the thing i'm really committed to the bit for is healing and vulnerability (and music as essential catharsis). that said, i will always, always abuse the humble adverb a;lkdfjlaw;djsl

💥 Find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

least kudos'd is this charming man, for whom i will say: this is Punchy, Funny and so evocative of the very very important conceit of First Nohecharis Codependency. honestly i'm still very fond of this one!!!

🕯️ Was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

surprising probably no one—yes, sweet hope destroyed me. i say in the intro notes to it that it took me 10 months to write, and i'm not lying when i say that a good 2/3 of that time was me refusing to write anything at all because i wrote myself into a corner and broke my own trust in my writing. that story started as a fairly surface level story about fair turnabout—maia, learning to ask for help, and then csevet being forced into a very ugly position that demanded he figure out how to accept help—and it was, to be mean to myself, very fucking contrived and Not Good. i wrote about 25k words of it, looked back at it at the end of one writing session, and then deleted everything but the first half of the first chapter (so that was about 22k words hucked into the ether) and didn't write for about 5 months. it was awful, but my weirdly routine January Writing Frenzy last year yanked a pearl in my hand out of me in a very harried couple of days, and that not only restored my trust in myself, but like. tripled it, at least, and that's when i came back to sweet hope and it became what it is—which, for all the grumbly things i can and do say about it, is still a rose in my mind. lovely and complete and tender, and i do love where it went and what it became. it surprised me again and again, and it made me three times the writer i was, and i'm so grateful for every minute of its conception.

fic writer ask meme!

[peopleplacesthingsideas]

What art form is your favorite to do? Photography, drawing, poetry, making music…-What do you like about them?

i just wrote like a 5 paragraph response to this but tumblr decided to delete it so let's just write it out again i guess! basically this is a HARD ASS QUESTION but lets break it down

i think that the appeal to me with poetry is that im already kind of okay at writing and so when i have really really complex ideas in my head i can use it as a medium to articulate them in more detail than i could otherwise. you can just make up ideas out of words! how awesome is that! but i do grow tired of my own voice and style so that sucks.

i am really bad at drawing most of the time so it can be stressful to try to make something artistically valuable in that way. i do enjoy trying really hard to practice it but it takes a lot of brain power for little or uncertain reward so it's hard to make myself do it. i do really want to get better at it though

photography is very cool. i would consider myself to be a very very capable photographer, i think that the only thing really separating me from pros is the investment in the gear. the thing with photography though is that at least how i experience it its more of a reactive thing, i.e. you are trying to stylistically capture what's around you especially while exploring or living life or going somewhere. i would love to get to practice some more studio environment stuff though where i have more minute control over the shots, especially if i had some models i was really close with to work with. id also love to apply my lighting expertise in that area. for me photography is an invitation to try and see the world around you in a beautiful way.

3D rendering is similar to photography in that it can create photorealistic environments and scenes, but it is different in that you are not limited to things that you could achieve in real world setups like you are with photography. you can create things that are limited only by your imagination and they will have a resolution far beyond anything that anyone could ever draw or paint, but there are limitations. you have to have a vision beforehand, you have to create every element of the environment yourself and so you have to have your own vision and be able to accurately represent your vision in the software in detail, which can be difficult depending on what you are doing. I think it's very cool and that it can create some very interesting pieces, and I want to do more of it, but my licenses have expired and so I'm not able to do any of it at the moment until i get the money to renew them. I also have forced myself to learn it enough that I can usually create some basic scene out of an idea i have, this is not always the case but it does give me the ability to come up with things and ideate them and make them into something beautiful without too much work or struggle.

I am very bad at making music by myself. any time that I somehow am graced with some sort of musical vision I immediately try to record it, but I struggle to make much more than small snippets. I am able to add on to other people's ideas that they have started, but it is very difficult for me to make the basic structure of music in the first place. it's similar to drawing in the sense that it will make me very frustrated if I try to do it for too long and express an idea that I have that I don't have the skills to articulate.

that's it!

also graffiti is fun to mess around with lol