thesafewaystobereckless

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Laura Les: I just don't wanna name it anything with "beach" in the title

This is a good album. 10/10 would recommend

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I remember when I enjoyed irony

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cave johnson talked about developing a lemon that would burn your house down. give us the lemon, cave. we need it for the fascists.

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drunk cigarette save me, etc, etc but fr

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Drunk rambling about Dexamyl

I probably should put something on my blog about how this blog doesn't solely serve as a harm reduction page like I intended to in 2018. Really I should just save my shitposting for a side account so I don't look like an amazingly stupid hypocrite lol. I mostly just use this to talk about stuff that isn't appropriate for my IRL socials (AS TUMBLR WAS INTENDED BABY 🥳🪅🎊🎉🎈💃)

So I have accepted that drinking is always a stupid choice for myself because I take 50mg of dexedrine daily, but sometimes stupidity takes the reigns, and tonight I got drunk drunk. And goddamn I have too much energy.

Anyway, my dad used to take Dexamyl back in the day. He was born in the 40s and lived through both the "drugs solve everything" and "drugs ruin everything" eras of prescriptions. He absolutely loved Dexamyl. Though his favorite vintage pharama high was from Pemoline, which he was prescribed after his on father passed. Shame that researchers found that it'll mince your liver if you're not careful with it. Woulda been useful when he passed.

It's a combo of dextroamphetamine (the Dex) and amobarbital (the amyl from its previous name as amylbarbitone). It was essentially a "mommy's helper" medication. The dex was a stimulant, but the amyl was a powerful sedative to take the edge off. Mommy's sad and anxious? Get her to take a powerhouse of the two most euphoric abuseable and addictive drugs the boys in the lab have cooked up! She'll be vacuuming while humming showtunes in no time! I bet that shit absolutely ripped though.

The combo of Dexedrine (dextroamphetamine) and booze is pretty great. Like too good. This is how I imagine neurotypical people feel when they pop an addy or some normie shit like that. Thank god I mostly just want to get shit done when I'm "sober" on dexy. I have sent too many embarrassing drunk texts tonight.

Anyway, if I had a time machine, I'd go back in time and find some pill mill doctor to write me a fat script of this and then promptly fuck off back to the hellscape of 2025. I think I was going to make a point about something here, but I can't remember what it was.

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choke enough is such a good fucking album.

BUT WHY WAS IT RELEASED IN THE WINTER?

"ict" and "take me by the hand" are such summer tracks. can't wait to play them with the windows down when it's finally summer though

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That time a gym hottie tricked me into going to biblical trivia

About two years ago in my final semester of undergrad I took a weightlifting class to hit the minimum amount of hours to be considered full time so I could keep my fellowship. While I took this class, I met this absolutely gorgeous guy. He and I got along really well, and I had a big crush on him. A few times I had asked him to hang out, but our schedules usually didn't align. One day though, he invited me to go to a trivia event with him, and I readily agreed. I wasn't sure if he was gay, but I figured this was a decent sign.

At the event, I learned that it was being run by the church group he belonged to. I made polite conversation with the folks there, despite instantly wanting to leave. We talked about what we were reading, and I learned a lot about faith books I would never even pick up once. The exact version this bible was escapes me now, but one fellow bragged about reading it cover to cover. That was actually a bit impressive. Even the most hardcore bible thumpers I knew growing up never delved that deep into the text.

I always show up incredibly early to events, so I was stuck in this faith literature discussion for a solid 20 minutes before my guy actually showed up. Once the event started, of course, it started with a prayer. I just closed my eyes and waited it out. I hate to say it, but it was unfair how attractive the guy leading the prayer was. I guess the Lord really does like giving people temptation to test them.

Then this hit me like a punch in the gut. The fellow leading the event said he was excited to see so many new faces at this event, and this was a good turnout for their recruitment effort. I'm from the south, and I'm usually not too surprised if a queer person is religious in some capacity since it is such a big part of many peoples' lives. But that cemented that this wasn't some date invitation. This gym hottie just wanted me to go to church.

And what were the topics at this biblical trivia?

Well it was real scandalous. Geography, history, Disney, bible verses, The Office, and the tiebreaker round was about biblical history, specifically biblical chronology. Here I realized that The Office really is as edgy as the Good Clean crowd could get.

My team was at a pretty considerable advantage because I did academic team all 4 years in high school, so I know a lot of unrelated and mostly useless facts. We had a pretty high point advantage till we got to the bible verse section, in which I was completely useless. In the section on The Office, I got our points back up till we tied with another team, leading to a tiebreaker round. I knew we would lose at this point, so I played a bit dirty.

Once we got a single point advantage, thanks to a complete guess from a teammate, I decided to bust out a fakeout technique we used to use in academic team. Essentially, you make it obvious you're about to answer, except you don't. You make sure the other team sees you do this, and this will usually pressure them to answer before you, even if they're not ready. And this worked till the final question.

The leader made the final question worth 2 points. Whoever got it right would win. So I used my fakeout once more. I didn't care if it was dishonest. If I can't get a hottie, I wanted to get a win. My fakeout worked yet again. But they answered correctly this time, listing the books of the New Testament in order. Like all of them. I didn't even know how many there were in that series. We lost.

To really rub salt in the wound, the night of this event there was a full blown winter storm going on. I walked about two miles getting there, and I was going to have to walk back. Ending the event, there was another prayer, praying for the safe return of us to our homes. People did ask how I was going home, to which I would say that I would be walking. I was a bit surprised, because I'm used to even the most vile, purely hateful, bible thumpers to be at least performatively charitable. However, not even the gym hottie that dashed my hopes offered me a ride. Granted, I didn't ask, but after like 6 people asked me how I was getting home I figured someone would offer since most of them drove to the event. But whatever. I suppose God allowed me to make the trek back safely. Perhaps he was glad I was with God fearing people again and my not slipping on ice and eating curb was his reward.

After this, I didn't really talk much with this guy after the trivia night. I'm used to crushing on straight guys, but this was the first time where someone got me to do something I truly would never do. I'm not against religion, I just have no interest in it. Faith is deeply personal to people, and my lack of it is also personal to me. I don't want that changed on terms other than my own.

That night, I would have been a winner if it weren't for God 😉

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Life is too short to not embrace cringey interests

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Harvest Sky is also really good.

i don't really like bladee, but their track with Oklou, "take me by the hand" is actually really good

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Oldschool determinants & floating points

Forget those easypeasy 2x2, 3x3, and 4x4 (if you're feeling spicy) formulas for matrix determinants that you forced yourself to memorize in linear algebra. Real ones know that you can get the determinant of any matrix through LU decomposition.

Fun fact though, because Python floating point numbers aren't really the same as floating point numbers in C (python does everything with infinite precision), I was getting different answers for determinants I computed with my LU algorithm versus what NumPy was getting with the algorithm it uses from LAPACK.

For instant with a 99x99 random matrix, the absolute difference in our determinants was over 1 trillion.

BUT

Each determinant was on the order of 10^25 (because the matrices were filled with values from a uniform random distribution and to oversimplify these don't really play nice with det algorithms).

This was my value: -1.3562741025533489e+25

This was NumPy's value: -1.3562741025534902e+25

I bolded the digits where they differed in value. The actual percentage difference between them is basically 0, ~10^-10

I'm sure in some applications this would matter, but for me it doesn't really.

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i don't really like bladee, but their track with Oklou, "take me by the hand" is actually really good

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This is just me ranting: I applied for a job I met ALL the criteria for last night. Checked it not even 24 hours later and the status is...

"No longer under consideration"

They can go eat shit lol.

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Reality sucks. Let's divest, babes

Honestly what I want to do over the next few years is divest myself from big tech.

Google is ALREADY playing bootlicker, and I only imagine their pathetic groveling will only get worse. Microsoft still pumps the AI bubble with their invasive Copilot. My favorite social media site turned into mouthpiece for fascists.

I also just fucking hate OpenAI. I was a BIG fanboi of their work pre-2020. One of the coolest generative models ever designed was Glow, an invertible normalizing flow model. Basically it takes an image and maps it to statistical noise, and then can take that noise and convert it back to an image. Before their pivot to LLM's OpenAI was a very interesting research company. But now they're just another useless corporation who only exists to please investors on made up valuation.

I sincerely hope though, that when the AI bubble bursts, every single investor that propped it up is fleeced. Conscious enablers of a grift are just as bad as the grifters.

It's just all so disappointing.

So, I plan to find a way to get myself as much as possible out of the Google product ecosystem (within the limits possible as imposed by their monopoly). Be one of those people that switches to Linux (and not just Ubuntu; the one that comes with a tinfoil hat [sustainably sourced]). Shitpost on Tumblr more.

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i'm too drunk to post on my wordpress but i've been meaning to write about Ah Mer Ah Su.

She's a lesser known artist, and a black trans woman. She has a knack for making the simplest of concepts into expertly crafted pop songs. And not "pop" from a deconstructed "it's indie tho" perspective, but something that could definitely play on the radio.

If the world didn't hate trans people, she'd be a top 40 artist for sure.

Standouts from her stacked discography are "Perfect", "Klonopin", and "Thinking Bout You"

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Dashed hopes hopefully

An empty case of beer

Cans sitting on the counter

Waiting to be recycled

Spilled bottle of wine

Puddled on the carpet

Half full

Empty bottle of speed

One week before refill

Finally finished heartfelt message

But no courage to send it

Maybe one more pill

Oh wait.

The sun is rising

I almost see it behind buildings

Not yet visible

Over the grey horizon

Low battery warning

Close the lid and charge it

I was clearing out my drafts and I found this. I surprisingly don't hate it. It's kinda cringe, but not terribly terrible.

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Morgan&Morgan sponsorships for youtube videos never feel right

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Oregon has less people in it than Kentucky and I just don't know what to do with this information. I thought it was the same as Washington