#forcing myself to do perspective with robots???

[godsfavoritelitlesilly]

JVB owns my music taste right now

[dr-spectre]

WE DID IT!!!!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!!!!! This is such a big milestone. Halfway until 1000 followers... that's absolutely insane!!

This will be the last follower update until we reach 1000. But, I wanna share something special with you all and get rather personal...

So, about a year ago, I wanted to learn how to draw because I was feeling depressed about "not being productive enough." Basically I got sucked into the bullshit productivity self help stuff that wants to turn your life into a cold calculated work obsessed nightmare, rather than living in the moment due to fear mongering about the future and how "if you don't grind now you WILL be a failure and die alone and get no pussy." (No wonder I picked Team Present for the Grand Fest...)

Plus I dropped out of uni at the time and welp, to put it lightly, I was feeling fucking god awful and I was scared into basically "putting in the hard work" by all these self help channels and other bullshit online. Whatever the FUCK that vague shit means, my autistic brain still doesn't get it.

It was BY FAR the worst period of my life, but, at least I tried to do SOMETHING. And I wanna show you all some of the things that I drew last year....

This was between October 2023 to February 2024. I stopped drawing due to it causing me much frustration and anger.

So yeah! Uh... enjoy?

So.... not the best work you've seen, right? HAHAHAHAHA!

Would you freak out if I told you that I got upset and damaged a book and a fan because I got so mad at myself over not being able to draw or do anything right?...

I feel like this ain't for me, and you know what? That's okay! I've learnt that it's okay to try new things, it's okay to experiment and if shit doesn't work then it doesn't work. Plain and simple. It's perfectly fine to give up and try something else.

You are not a robot, you are a human being. Don't feel like you "gotta do something everyday otherwise you'll die alone and you'll be broke and you'll never be successful and you'll be forgotten!!"

Do feel pressured to feel like you have to "find your thing" or "be productive" or whatever kind of... heh.... BRAINWASHING you hear online.

I wanted to draw because I was jealous of others, including my friends who are skilled artists... and I did it for the wrong reasons which is why I stopped in February.

I am very happy that I've decided to actually focus on what i like doing and what gives me energy. A quote that has stuck with me for years now is a quote by Jordan Peele from an interview, and it's basically this-

"Follow the fun." And you know what? He's right. Following what gives you that good good boost of dopamine while also feeling like you're accomplishing something is one of the best feelings EVER!!!! Whether it's art, writing, modelling, sculpting, architecture, making music, acting, clay sculptures, etc. FOLLOW THE FUN!! FOLLOW THE SHIT THAT EXCITES YOU!!! I literally always have multiple projects spiralling around in my head all the time and cycling between them at every given moment.

I'm not even saying do only what makes you comfortable or be lazy either, do shit that makes you go "BRING IT ON!!!! I WANNA DO THIS!!!" Get that blood pumping!!! Challenge yourself fairly!!!! There's healthy and unhealthy stress. Healthy stress should make you feel like a fucking PREDATOR!!! AN ANIMAL ON THE HUNT!!! While unhealthy stress makes you feels like you're the prey, the one who's being chased by an unknown force that's out to get you!!

I feel like I'm kinda rambling... anyways!!! ENOUGH WITH THE INSPIRATIONAL BULLSHIT!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! 99% of you have been awesome and incredible!!!

It's also been an honor to get to know so many people who feel the same way as I do about a certain squid lady and her best friends.... before I went onto tumblr I genuinely felt so alone and so insane. I felt isolated, I felt like no one saw these characters the way that I do... I thought my perspective of a certain squid lady and her rebel phase was invalided and false... But now I know that I have people who have my back and understand what I'm trying to express...

One final time, thank you. I'll keep going.

STAY FRESH!!!!!!!!!!

[bonefall]

post/734733274896809984/do-you-ever-worry-your-own-writing-might-come-off that makes sense. i was asking because i'm afraid of accidentally writing misogyny myself and i kind of admire what you do

Hmm... I wish I had better advice to give you on this front, but honestly, the only thing I can tell you is to consider the perspective of your female characters.

Women are people. They have thoughts and feelings of their own, so like... just let them have their own arcs. A lot of the worst misogyny in WC comes from the way that the writers just don't care about their girls (or, in the case of tall shadow, actually get undermined and forced to rewrite entire chapters), so they're not curious about their lives, or WHY they feel the way they do or what they want, or any direction for their character arcs.

Turtle Tail as an example. She'll often just end up feeling whatever Gray Wing's plot demands. She's gotta leave when Storm dumps him to make him feel lonely. She shows up again to love him in the next book. Lets her best friend Bumble get dragged back to Tom the Wifebeater, but is sad enough about her death to be "unreasonably angry" with Clear Sky, and then calms down and accept Gray Wing is right all along.

And then she dies, so he can have his very own fridge wife.

In this way, Turtle Tail's just being used to tell Gray Wing's story. They're not interested in why she would turn on Bumble, or god forbid any lingering negative feelings for how she didn't help her, or even resentment towards Clear Sky for killing her or Gray Wing for jumping to his defense. She isn't really going through her own character arc.

She does have personality traits of her own, don't misunderstand my criticism, but as a character she revolves around Gray Wing.

So, zoom out every now and then, and just ask yourself; "Whose story is being told by what I wrote? Do my female characters have goals, wants, and agency, or are they just supporting men? How do their choices impact the narrative?"

But that's already kinda assuming that you already have characters like Turtle Tail who DO have personalities and potential of their own. Here's some super simple and practical advice that helped me;

Tally the genders in your cast. How many are boys, how many are girls, how many are others?

And take stock of how many of those characters are just in the supporting cast, and compare that to the amount you have in the main cast.

If you have a significant imbalance, ESPECIALLY in the main cast, fire the Woman Beam.

It's a really simple trick to just write a male character, and then change its gender while keeping it the same. I promise women are really not fundamentally different from men lmao. You can consider how your in-universe gender roles affect them later, if you'd like, but when you're just starting to wean yourself off a "boy bias" this trick works like a charm.

Also you're not allowed to change the body type of any girl you Woman Beam because I said so. PLEASE allow your girls to have muscles, or be fat, or be old, or have lots of scars. Do NOT do what a cowardly Triple A studio does, where the women all have the same cute or sexy face and curvy body while they're standing next to dwarves, robots, and a gorilla.

Or this shit,

If you do this I will GET you. If you're ever possessed by the dark urge, you will see my face appear in the clouds like Mufasa himself to guide you away from the path of evil.

Anyway, you get better at just making characters girls to begin with as time goes on and you practice it. It's really not as big of a deal as your brain might think it is.

Take a legitimate interest in female characters and try not to disproportionately hit them with parental/romance plots as opposed to the male cast, and you'll be fine. Don't think of them as "SPECIAL WOMEN CHARACTERS" just make a character and then let her be a girl, occasionally checking your tally and doing some critical thinking about their use in the story.

(Also remember I'm not a professional or anything, I'm just trying to give advice)

[ilov3pedr0p4scal]

not me waking up and the first thing I see is this 😭

co - star apparently knows what im being up to lately 😭 and im definitely taking this as an advice that literally everyone has heard before here.

Shifters here always tell us that we have to see beyond 3D and accept that we already have it, it may seem “silly” and you can say “girl, I literally can’t see that so it’s not real” it may seem like that if you have that mindset, where is that mindset going to take you? Nowhere, it’s better to join the wave and end up in a new place you weren’t before than to stay in the same place forever and not doing anything about it.

Yesterday all day I was repeating a lot of affirmations to myself, “im shifting” “i will shift tonight, not tomorrow, not in two days, tonight”, and I was like that all day. I set a five minute timer and affirmed like a robot, even though it may seem forced it works, while I was washing the dishes I affirmed, and today I did something different than others, I wrote in my shifting journal my “first” day there (which is literally not true because that is my reality and I have been there for ages, but whatever), I wrote down the sounds, the sensations, what I saw first, what I did after that, what I had for breakfast, etc. everything in the present as if it was already there, after that genuinely something changed, my perspective, a million things changed, for the first time I was too sure that I would achieve it (of course I can) I kept repeating affirmations, listening to subliminals, watching stories here on tumblr, and drawing in my diary about it, it also helped me visualize.

night came and i already knew what was going to happen, (i prefer to try shifting at night simply because it is more comfortable for me) i was so excited that my reality would finally arrive, it would arrive after many years of being trapped in this reality that is not for me. so i listened to this subliminal that i found in a post here, and i got into a comfortable position, i listened to it and i am not kidding you, within a few minutes my body was numb, i was affirming and affirming, i was imagining my reality, how it would look when i arrived and what i would do, and for the first time in 4 years of trying, i know i was there for at least a second, and it may seem like nothing to you, but to me it was a big deal, I WAS THERE! my position changed and I saw the place where I would wake up and next to me i see my boyfriend, I always tried to be calm and not let my emotions consume me, after that I kept repeating and affirming, until I was asleep. I had previously set an alarm to try to enter the void state in case I fell asleep, and OMG the alarm went off and I turned it off and went to sleep 😭, I wish it was a joke but oh well, IT LITERALLY SAID ON THE SCREEN “GO TO VOID STATE!” and I was like goodnight bitch, but whatever.

I know it may seem like another post from the bunch you see here that tells you the same thing over and over and over again, but if it's always the same it's because it works. Now I know these things and I know what worked for me, and the next time I go to my reality I know I'll wake up there and not here. If you've been trying for years like me, but you never take the time to informed yourself or looked within yourself for what method you liked and just do the fucking raven method or something because "there's no time" girl, believe me that even if you can do shifting without being knowing as such, sometimes knowing a little more doesn't hurt and more so if you've tried for as long as I have. Thank god I found the shifting community here which is a thousand times better than others, thanks to the creators for sharing. I've never been so sure of something in my life, and I know that I'll get to where I belong soon. 🤍

Didn’t realize how long that was lol, but i just wanted to share my story for the people here who may find this kind of thing hard to believe. its real if you make it real, dont let the tiny voice in your head tell you other wise, punch it in the face i mean, imagine that you are pushing that thing in the face, for me it works doing that lol.

hope this may help someone, and have a great day and shift! 🤍

[cosmicawg]

𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐰/@𝐜𝐨𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐰𝐠

OH! Hi, welcome to my blog! I’m your favorite (you either love me or hate me) AWG. Today, we’re diving into ⭐BLACK CHARACTERS⭐—and no, I’m not talking about those one-dimensional characters just there for the urban memes. I mean the real deal: complex, rich, main characters that pack a punch!

As a Black writer myself, I’ll be honest—I sometimes struggle with crafting Black characters, whether they’re main leads or supporting roles. Why? Because every Black person has a different story. Believe it or not, not every Black man or woman has experienced the same tropes we see in the media. So how do we go about developing a powerful Black character or even a minor role that’s still refreshing and relatable? Let’s find out together!

𝐀𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐨𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐬: 𝐋𝐞𝐭’𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐆𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞!

When it comes to writing Black characters, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: stereotypes. You know, those tired clichés that pop up in movies and books like an unwanted party guest who just won’t leave.

First off, let’s acknowledge that not every Black character needs to fit into a box labeled “Gangster,” “Sassy Best Friend,” or “Magical Negro.” (Yes, I see you, Hollywood!) Every character deserves depth, complexity, and a unique backstory.

define: Magical Negro is a Black character who exists to help a white protagonist, often with supernatural powers. Example: John Coffey in The Green Mile.

Research, Research, Research! I can’t stress this enough. Dive deep into the experiences of real Black individuals, because every Black person has a different backstory! Personally, I haven’t experienced many of the challenges Black Americans face, like systemic racism, and it’s crucial to acknowledge that diversity. Understanding these nuances will help you create more authentic characters.

Ask Questions. Got a Black friend? (If you don’t, get one—kidding!) Use your network. Ask them about their experiences, perspectives, and how they feel represented in media. Just don’t be that person who asks, “So, do you like fried chicken?” It’s not cute.

Embrace Diversity Within Diversity. Not all Black characters should be from the same background. Explore different cultures, regions, and histories. There are a billion ways to be Black, so show that in your characters!

𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞: 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤

Now, let’s talk about dialogue—because if your characters sound like awkward robots, people will notice! When writing Black characters, remember that language is a huge part of identity. African American Vernacular English (AAVE) is a beautiful, expressive part of Black culture, but it needs to be used authentically and respectfully.

Personally, as a Black Jamaican, this is how I talk “proper.” I don’t use Patwa (Patois) in my dialogue when I’m writing Black American characters because, like I said before, Black culture varies. Just as I speak differently from a Black American, your characters should reflect the diversity of the Black experience. One-size-fits-all doesn’t apply here!

For example, a natural-sounding conversation between Black American friends might go like this:

Authentic: “Yo, you tryna head to the spot later?” “Bet, I’m down. Lemme hit you up after work.”

This sounds natural and reflects everyday speech without exaggeration. Now compare this with a stereotype that overuses slang and makes the character seem like a caricature:

Stereotyped: “Yo, dawg, we finna roll up in this joint, ya feel me? Straight fire!”

See the difference? One feels like a real conversation, while the other feels forced and unnatural.

Another Example: In a professional setting, you might have a character saying:

Authentic: “I’ll follow up on that report and get back to you by end of day.”

If you force casual AAVE where it doesn’t fit, it feels unnatural, like this:

Stereotyped: “Yo, I’ma hit you with that report later, aight?”

𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞/𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐫

Alright, let’s get into it! Crafting rich, layered backstories for your Black characters is where the magic happens. After all, they’re not just defined by their race; they come with a whole buffet of experiences, cultures, and dreams!

Cultural Heritage: Dive into your character's cultural background! If your character is Caribbean, like a sassy Jamaican or a vibrant Trinidadian, think about how family traditions and spicy food shape their identity. Maybe they celebrate Carnival with a flair that leaves everyone in awe, or they bring a bit of reggae to the school dance. Spice it up!

Family Dynamics: What’s the family vibe like? Is it a tight-knit crew where everyone knows everyone’s business, or is it a mixed bag of characters with their quirks? Picture a character raised by their wise grandma, who drops truth bombs about resilience while whipping up the best curry chicken in town. Those family stories can really shape who they are!

Personal Experiences: Let’s keep it real—your character’s experiences should be as unique as their favorite playlist! Maybe they faced challenges at school that made them a champion for anti-bullying or excelled in sports, turning their setbacks into comebacks. For example, they might have been teased for their skin tone, but that just made them more determined to lift others up.

Aspirations and Dreams: What gets your character out of bed in the morning? Whether they dream of becoming a doctor, an artist, or the next big YouTube sensation, their aspirations tell a story! Imagine a character who, inspired by their community’s struggles with healthcare access, aims to break barriers in medicine. Talk about a hero!

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞: 𝐔𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐏𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧

Alright, folks, let’s get real for a minute. We need to address a serious issue in storytelling: the unfortunate trend of making Black characters the butt of jokes to uplift white main characters. Spoiler alert: this is not cute, and it definitely doesn’t fly in a respectful narrative!

First off, humor is a powerful tool in writing, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of marginalized characters. When Black characters are used as punchlines or comic relief just to highlight the “funny” qualities of a white protagonist, it reduces their complexity and humanity. It perpetuates harmful stereotypes and misses the chance to create authentic, well-rounded individuals.

Example —

From “The Office” (U.S.): don't get me wrong I LOVE The Office, its my comfort show, however, In the episode titled “Diversity Day,” Michael Scott leads a diversity training session that reduces a Black character, Stanley, to a series of racial stereotypes. The humor in this scene relies heavily on racial caricatures, and Stanley is the butt of the joke, highlighting a lack of respect for his character. Michael’s antics, while intended to be funny, diminish Stanley’s complexity and reduce him to a stereotype for the amusement of the white characters.

𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬: 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩

Books —

"Writing the Other: A Practical Guide" by Nisi Shawl and Cynthia Ward - A guide to writing characters outside your own experience with sensitivity and depth.

"The Art of Character: Creating Memorable Characters for Fiction, Film, and TV" by David Corbett - Offers insights on developing authentic characters.

"Diversity in Young Adult Literature" by various authors - A collection of essays discussing representation in YA literature.

Articles —

“Avoiding Stereotypes in Fiction: People of Color”

“Writing Characters of Color: How to Avoid Being Racist” - Vanessa Willoughby’s article on Book Riot 

“American Fiction: Scathing and Accurate Portrayal of the Obstacles Black Writers Face in Publishing” -  

𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐟𝐟: 𝐀𝐇, 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐈𝐓!

Thank you so much for reading this post! To all my fellow Black writers out there, I invite you to drop your comments below—let me know if there's anything I've missed or misled. Remember, even though I strive for perfection (tehehe), I’m not above making mistakes!

I can’t wait to see all the vibrant, fully-realized Black characters you’ll bring to life in your stories. Together, let’s make sure our voices shine and our narratives resonate. Happy writing, and until next time, keep slaying those words!

—courtesy of cosmicawg

[misscammiedawn]

Intentional, Accidental and Allegorical representation in media

CW: Suicide, stigmatizing language, homophobia/transphobia mentions.

Spoiler warnings: Mr. Robot, Deadly Premonition 1 & 2, The Missing: JJ Macfield & The Island of Memories, Star Trek DS9, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

So... today's essay is going to focus on less ideal bits of media representation. Some of the discussed media may have insensitive depictions of vulnerable groups. Please read with care.

One of the things I've focused on since starting Media, Myself and I was finding overt pieces of representation that I felt did a good job of taking issues of chronic dissociative disorders and putting them to screen or page.

I've covered memoirs, I've covered stories written by former social workers about generational trauma, I've covered games that explain the concept of derealization and characters diagnosed with DID.

Every entry so far has been clear and overt in their presentation of mental illness and in telling I've tried to explain the ups and downs of how the material was presented and what they got right vs wrong.

Our latest entry in the series was a memoir, written by a person diagnosed with DID. Though I cannot speak to the personal lives of the authors for Night in the Woods, The Incredible Hulk, Mr. Robot and Umineko; it is not apparent that they experience the conditions that they write about.

And that's okay. Not all fiction must be written from a personal perspective of lived experience.

The issue comes in when even well meaning creatives want to write overt representation without the proper level of experience and sensitivity reading.

As I covered in my Mr. Robot write-up, Sam Esmail wrote Elliot's DID to fit the split personality trope (in way of copying Fight Club) and needed to apply the real world condition to the plot. For the most part it is successful and deserves praise for being that rare piece of mainstream media that overtly explains part roles with the correct terms "protector" and "persecutor" and how these functions relate to the system's origins.

Then it finishes with the discussion of "The Real Elliot" and includes a heartbreaking scene where the Elliot we have known the entire show tells his sister "I love you" and that sister, Darlene, wanting her 'real' brother back, leaves the room without a word.

Many people, myself included, felt hurt and alienated by this complete misrepresentation of our condition and did not appreciate a hurtful piece of stigma being launched into the public psyche for further misunderstandings. If you hate the show because of this mishandling of the topic then I would not blame you.

On a recent rewatch, though, I saw this moment from the final episode of season 1:

When I first saw this scene I felt a deep well of comfort in seeing something true to my experience displayed in a way no fiction had ever attempted to display before. Every part is equal. We are all part of the same system. There's no part more valid than the rest. One part acting against the system will breed dysregulation.

The child part of Elliot even says that Rami Malek's character is "hurting the family" by forcing the rest of them away and denying them.

It is clear now that the show is over that this was not intended to be a piece of representation but instead a way of obfuscating the final episode twist that the Elliot we follow is actually an alter and not 'the real Elliot'. He was "hurting the family" by sealing away 'the real Elliot' not by rejecting the system.

It hurt to see a moment that resonated so strongly be overturned at a later point.

It is presently believed, though study is always ongoing, that children who experience CPTSD in their formative years do not develop the stability to create an integrated sense of self. This truth is relevant in the formation of chronic dissociative disorders and personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The root of all of these symptoms being tied up in CPTSD. There is debate in the psychological field on if personality disorders are worth diagnosing as they tend to lead to stigmatization and self-pathologizing in ways that distract from treating the root trauma, but that is a topic beyond the scope of this essay.

Without a stable sense of self the child grows up with an "disintegrated core" that shifts and changes to help gain the needs for safety and comfort based on what will work in any given environment. In DID there is a layer of shielding from PTSD triggers involved that makes it so ego/personality states can form dissociative barriers between one another which leads to the parts forming. With Borderline these fluctuations tend to be less stable and lead to Identity Disturbance, where a person feels alienated from their own identity.

BPD and DID have a lot in common and it leads to debate in the psychological field that they may be different presentations of the same condition. In my experience labels are only as effective as they serve the person who holds them and anything that can forge connection and understanding should be cherished.

But going back to the original point, Mr. Robot had accidentally provided me solid representation that I latched onto. It was not intended to be a representation of what the creators understood DID to be but it did hit something which matches the lived experience of at least one person watching.

It can be powerful when you see a piece of media reflect parts of your experience back at you. Even if it was never meant to in the first place.

Before we continue with this essay I wish to state firmly that everyone is entitled to every single message and emotion that they have ever gleaned from fiction. No one should be told that their sense of comfort and warmth is wrong to have just because it was not authorial intent. I never want my words to ever strip something that is a positive from anyone's lives. I hope that never happens.

But that's the topic of this essay. Accidental representation and Intentional representation and what the benefits and detriments are.

As we see above, intentional representation that is made by creators who does not have lived experience can lead to misinformation, misunderstanding and harm. Even the most well meaning creatives are prone to this.

In way of example, let's talk about a creator who clearly means well and has included topics of gender and sexuality in the heavy majority of his works.

SWERY 65 (Hidetaka Suehiro) is the creator of Deadly Premonition and head of White Owls studios. In 2018 SWERY's team developed The Missing: J.J Macfield and the Island of Memories. It's a short game that displays the following message each time it is booted up:

The game starts with a pair of women, JJ and Emily, on a camping trip on an island and Emily attempts to engage intimacy with JJ before being rejected. The next morning Emily is missing and JJ must find their childhood best friend and potential love interest while memories from their past appear in the way of text messages. Towards the climax of the game we understand that Emily had left clothes in JJ's room and her mother had found them and had sent her to conversion therapy. The game is fairly vague about the circumstances and it's easy to read this as JJ's mother finding out that JJ is a lesbian.

In the final chapter of the story we find out that JJ is transgender. That the entire game is a dream sequence after she attempted to take her own life during a university lecture. The game makes it clear that the JJ we play as is who she wishes she were and that in reality she has not yet begun transitioning. In the reality section of the game she speaks with her developmental voice and is not wearing a wig. We still identify her as JJ and the game even includes a New Game + mode where you can play as the JJ from the reality segment complete with every voice line read in her developmental voice.

It is a fairly good piece of representation particularly as the game and the development are Japanese and Hidetaka Suehiro does not apparently have lived experience with transition. Albeit it heavily fetishizes the suffering inherent to transition with the body mutilation gameplay mechanic feeding into the nature of the subtext.

Unfortunately, like the Mr. Robot example above, it can be easy to focus on the negative aspects of the representation and feel hurt/betrayed by the good that The Missing does when compared with other projects by the same creator.

In 2020 the same creative team released Deadly Premonition 2, a sequel to the cult classic game that itself had some slightly problematic depictions of gender and sexuality. Both games the culprit is explicitly LGBT and their motives are rooted in the abuse they received for living as their chosen identity. A topic included in The Missing also.

It's makes it difficult to accept the good representation experienced when the very next game involves a sequence that had to be patched out of the game with an apology from the creator for insensitivity.

It's up to a member of the audience to take what they like and leave what they don't but it's a good example of how overt representation can lead to missteps by even the most well meaning creator.

But let's step into accidental representation because the Deadly Premonition games can easily be read as representing CDD, even if it is not intentional. The main character of the game is Francis York Morgan. Throughout the game he seeks guidance from "Zach" who he speaks to constantly both when he is alone and when around other characters, though when people ask he informs them that it is a private matter which he does not discuss.

It is easy for those playing the game to think of Zach as the player themselves. Especially as York entrusts Zach to handle all of the combat segments of the game and we are prompted to answer questions when York asks for Zach's opinions on the investigation. It's also easy to ignore all of the comments the NPCs make about Francis Morgan's huge scar. York has a scar on his face and an odd patch of missing hair after all.

The final chapter of the game reveals that when he was young Zach witnessed the horrific death of his parents and was so traumatized that he was sheltered by an inhabitant of an extra-dimensional plane of existence who protects him from all the dangers in the world. Which sounds a lot like the formation of a protector alter to me. York fronts pretty much all of the time but keeps in constant communication with Zach and does his best to live their shared life in a way that will one day let Zach take control, which happens at the end and we get to see the protagonist as all of the NPCs saw him up until that point.

(York on left, Zach on right)

The epilogue sequence for Deadly Prem 2 even gives a heartwarming depiction of plurality in having literal IM messages from York appearing on Zach's desktop during a video call.

It's arguable over whether or not this is accidental representation or not. The circumstances of Zach and York's partnership do meet the typical standards of overt CDD depictions but there is no pathology involved in the depiction whatsoever.

Which is a big difference between Overt Representation and less overt kinds.

When Mr. Robot discusses dissociative identity disorder or Night in the Woods discusses derealization the story needs to take time to have characters explain the concepts to characters within the fiction and the audience. At the heart of all things, this form of representation is aimed at people who are not in the know about these conditions.

When it vibes with our experiences and makes us feel seen it is doing that as a side effect of presenting the experience to an audience. Generally the expectation would be that the majority of the audience do not happen to share these experiences and need help in being able to relate, particularly when the creators do not experience the condition for themselves.

In intentional representation cases where the creative team do have lived experience then the art of making an emotional connection with the audience is a matter of someone trying to convey that which they feel and experience, which makes those who resonate to have a higher chance of being and feeling seen.

Even that doesn't always seem to work out as expected though.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is a musical romantic comedy TV Show which holds the interesting record of managing to complete its full TV run of 4 seasons despite being consistently drawing abysmally low ratings. It is arguably one of the best intentional representations of BPD in all of media, even sitting higher than works adapted from biographies such as Girl, Interrupted.

Well... part of the argument is that it was never intended to be.

The main character, Rebecca Bunch, is a Jewish woman with a highly religious family who makes rash and impulsive decisions that lead her to live in LA County restarting a highly successful law degree so she can chase an ex-boyfriend. She is played by the show's creator, Rachel Bloom, who is a Jewish woman with a highly religious family (her cousin, a rabbi, peformed the ceremony for her wedding). She was born and raised in LA County and she has an outspoken history with mental illness including OCD, Anxiety and Depression.

Rebecca Bunch is not Rachel Bloom even if they share many elements and initials. Rachel Bloom once said she is 80% autobiographical

(2 examples that showed up when I searched the topic, top from TheWrap and bottom from Chubstr)

But Rachel Bloom does not have BPD. Rebecca Bunch didn't until Season 3. But... she always had BPD. It just... wasn't intentional.

When starting work on season 3 the creative team spoke with therapists to determine the direction of the show and it was decided that Rebecca's diagnosis based on her actions in the show and her behaviors would best fit BPD and the final 2 seasons of the show were tailored around this to show effective therapy can help benefit a person in need. It leads to a positive ending for the show.

But even when Bloom was autobiographically placing her own symptoms on the page, enough that the story about Harvey Guillen having to play a person based on himself, the narrative and drama of the story required the character take actions that lead to a depiction of BPD rather than OCD/Anxiety.

Even though the intention did not kick in to the 3rd season, which only exists via miracles and CW refusing to give up on the show, Bunch is often listed as one of the best fictional depictions of BPD in TV/Movies, alongside Anakin Skywalker, Catra and Clementine Kruczynski. None of whom are diagnosed with BPD or seen to be struggling with mental illness. But they all fit the bill remarkably well. Enough that should a therapist be introduced into the plot of Star Wars, She-Ra or Eternal Sunshine they could easily take their existing characters and make the diagnosis intentional by giving it the label.

The same can even happen with gender and sexuality. Whether it is asexual representation from Jughead and Todd Sanchez from Archie Comics and Bojack Horseman respectively; Morph being genderfluid and using they/them pronouns in X-Men '97 or Halo/Violet in Young Justice coming out non-binary having a discussion about their preferred pronouns; or Korra and Asami's bisexuality in the Avatar universe.

All of these were not part of the blueprint when the character was brought to the stage, they just seemed a natural evolution of the character as the story progressed or, with situations like Umbrella Academy's 3rd season adapting Elliot Page's real life transition into the plot, it was necessary for the fiction to meet reality.

And this is of course ignoring the more important factor.

We live in a day and an age where we can have Viktor Hargreeves as a leading man in an ensemble superhero show. We can dedicate storylines to people discovering and exploring their non-binary identities and preferred pronouns.

That wasn't always the case. Which brings us to our final type of representation.

Allegorical.

When I say "this wasn't always the case", I do not intend to imply that allegorical representation has gone anywhere. It still remains with us and is as effective today as it ever was. But in the past, particularly the 90s, it was necessary.

Where intentional representation (and accidental that becomes intentional) has the luxury of using the correct language and educating an audience, allegorical representation speaks directly to the group in question without regard for the mainstream audience.

This can also happen in intentional and accidental forms. The quintessential example for trans people is The Matrix, a story where people who reject the reality that we are sold by the dominant culture and seek to find community of those who exist outside of that system and to wake up to their true reality and their chosen names after taking a pill. To those who know the feelings that Trinity and Neo discuss in the first 20 minutes of the movie, who see the forms of intimacy displayed in their romance and acknowledge the villain deadnaming as an insult; there is no question that it is superb representation of a lived reality. To a cis individual who has never had to ask those questions and do not know the violence of being denied a name, they would not even approach the questions the movie constantly asks to anyone who can listen.

But there are numerous examples of allegorical representation that are there to allow the content to exist in spite of censors and editors.

Garnet from Steven Universe is intended to be a wlw couple but their romance could not be overtly displayed in a children's show. Famously the show creator had to trade in all of their good will and bargaining power for the show they created in order to depict the wedding of Sapphire and Ruby on the show. Until then the concept of Fusion was introduced to show soulmates intertwined and working in unison. Itself a little bit of accidental plurality representation.

Of course, symbiosis appears to be a common point for such depictions.

Anyone who lived through the 90s would know it was the wild west for representation where the allegories could be paper thin but could never be confirmed. We were simultaneously accepting as a culture and absolutely terrified to commit to the retaliation that would come from actually using the words and being positive. The 90s was a time of cowardice and cruelty. Punching down was always allowed. Friends, the most popular show of the era, included a main character whose ex-wife left for another woman as a show long punchline and they included more transphobic jokes in some episodes than BIPOC characters in the entire run of the show.

We could laugh at the gays in Will & Grace but we couldn't celebrate them by allowing Xena and Gabrielle to be overtly gay. Just heavily implied.

And transphobia was the worst at the time.

Star Trek Deep Space 9 stepped around the stigma when they introduced Jadzia Dax. Dax may not actually be trans.

But she is a trans allegory.

Dax is a trill, a symbiotic entity that needs to bond with a host to live. Up until the events of the show it had been bonded with a male host, Curzon, who was Cisco, the main character's, mentor. The show often depicts the familiarity Cisco has with Dax despite Jadzia Dax (and Ezri Dax) being different incarnations of the same entity. As shown above, Jadzia is her name now.

The people of the era certainly were aware of the allegory at play and starved of any positive depictions in media they firmly latched on. Here's a 1997 magazine with Dax on the cover, celebrating Gene Roddenbury's show going "where no trans had gone before"

Allegorical representation is important. Especially as many pieces of media are shared globally and overt representation is often banned from territories where people are still starving to see themselves reflected in media.

So... with that said. Let me sum up my beliefs on the topic.

Intentional Representation often is in dialogue with the whole audience. It often intends to speak directly to those who are not part of the populations being represented, assuming a lack of familiarity. This is not always the case but is the assumed.

Accidental Representation begins a dialogue with the populations being represented and typically do not become aware of the fact that this dialogue has begun but can come to take it and make it part of the fiction's DNA.

Allegorical Representation is in constant and meaningful discussion with the populations represented and those sympathetic to them. It knows exactly what it is doing and does not need to conform to the expectations or understandings of the broader audience.

It's why I love allegories so damned much.

-

For more essays like this please check out our Media, Myself and I tag, we typically focus on dissociative disorders there.

[sminny-wew]

Why people are excited over Princess Elise’s (brief) return

Short answer: the new design/art style that Sonic Channel gave her looks nice and she’s being treated with as much dignity as the rest of the Sonic cast for the first time since Sonic 06′s release nearly 17 years ago

Long answer:

Every year, Sonic Channel (the official Japanese website for Sonic the Hedgehog) puts out character illustrations for each month. Sometimes it’s just art of the character posing, sometimes they’re actually doing something (Sonic celebrating his birthday, Amy walking in the rain, Cream going trick-or-treating, etc.). For 2023, Sonic Channel is posting a specific themed series of artwork called “Isekai Ogiri” that depicts two characters in silly, non-canon scenarios; part of the appeal of these illustrations is that one of the two characters in each artwork is voted for by fans. So far we’ve seen Gadget (AKA Buddy AKA the custom character from Sonic Forces) confessing his love to an Egg Pawn in a scene straight out of a slice-of-life anime, Shadow and Infinite as rival idol musicians, a cutely-dressed Blaze visiting fortune teller Amy, Tikal and Chaos running their own pizza place, and most recently as of this post, Silver the figure-skating coach and his student Elise. (I’m linking back to the original SC pages b/c they put out a message on their official Twitter urging people to link back to the original SC pages/tweets, otherwise they might be inclined to stop making this art; if you want to understand the little stories that come with each illustration, I’m afraid you’ll have to put up with janky Google Translate translations.)

So, yeah, Princess Elise of notorious Sonic 06 infamy, the one video game journalists always seem eager to remind you kissed a dead anthropomorphic hedgehog, recently appeared in one of these illustrations. And people lost their minds, but this time, with excitement.

But if Princess Elise was/is so despised, why do people seem genuinely excited to see her now?

Well there’s 2 reasons for that: 1) the way in which she was drawn, and 2) the fact that she was even a contender to appear in this art series in the first place

1) Human characters appearing in the Sonic series has always been a source of discourse among fans. Some, like myself, enjoy seeing humans coexist alongside a cast of furries, robots, and other assorted beings; others believe there shouldn’t be any humans (except Eggman) in Sonic at all. They’ve been variously depicted as realistic people (Sonic 06) and with more cartoonish Pixar-esque proportions (Sonic Unleashed). From my perspective, what seemed to make people dislike Elise’s original design was that in addition to looking out-of-place next to the cartoony Sonic (people often say that she looks like she belongs in Final Fantasy), her facial expressions were quite bland and difficult to read. While I would argue that Sonic and his friends also had very little facial expression in 06, it’s much easier to notice with Elise (and to a lesser degree, 06 Eggman) due to her more realistic face. It evokes a feeling in some people known as the Uncanny Valley. In the Isekai Ogiri’s April illustration, Elise is depicted in a new style that leans more towards cartoony; some have compared it to Puyo Puyo, others have said she resembles the humans from Balan Wonderworld. Either way, most fans, at least those on Twitter and Tumblr, have praised Elise’s new “look” because her new proportions (large head and hands, big eyes that are easier to read) make her more closely fit in with other Sonic characters. She feels less like a Final Fantasy character and more like a Sonic character.

(With that said, not everyone was automatically bothered by Elise’s realistic 06 design because human beings do not perceive everything in the exact same way b/c art is subjective)

2) Part of how Elise even wound up in this illustration is not just because people wanted to see her again, but because Sonic Team themselves decided to treat her with dignity by making her an option to vote for. And she was up against Merlina from Sonic and the Black Knight, a well-regarded character among fans and one of the few female villains in the entire series!! The poll they were in for the April pic was very close!!

During the late 2000s following Sonic 06′s release, Silver had his fanbase, but a lot of people still viewed him as annoying, and it took several years of game reappearances for him to become a less divisive character (my source: I’ve been a Sonic fan with internet access since ~2003, the way he’s depicted in the Sonic Paradox shorts is actually what a lot of people thought of him at the time). Also, he was still an anthropomorphic Sonic animal, so naturally people would be quicker to accept him as part of the cast.

But Elise? The human? While I doubt she was originally intended to be a recurring character, even if 06 WAS supposed to be a reboot, her portrayal in that game was so widely despised by critics and fans alike that she was thereafter relegated to rare cameos (like being on a collectible card in Sonic Rivals 2) and jokes at her expense (in LEGO Dimensions, when Sonic interacts with Lumpy Space Princess, he says, “Last time I met a princess, I...we...you know, I don't quite remember, never mind!” in a hurried and embarrassed voice). Elise is hardly the only notoriously-disliked Sonic character, but because she only appeared in one game in a non-playable role (I’m not counting the stages where Sonic carries her), her biggest positive accomplishments--unlocking her cell herself instead of waiting for Sonic to save her, jumping from Eggman’s ship with zero hesitation, and reviving Sonic--are often overshadowed by the moments where she just stands there praying, gets kidnapped, and kisses a dead hedgehog just in case you forgot for the 17th year in a row, leading people to view her as an inherently bad character. Because she is also a girl, and video games were and still are a largely male-dominated culture loaded with toxic masculinity, it’d be ignorant to say the vitriol towards Elise wasn’t charged with sexism and misogyny on some level.

But as an aspiring writer and someone who hates wasted character potential, my personal opinion is that characters, SPECIFICALLY in ongoing franchises like Sonic, are not inherently bad, it’s the ways in which they’re USED that can make them LOOK good or bad, and they don’t deserve to be locked away forever all because of one bad interpretation. But unlike Silver who has been in multiple games since 06 (or even Mephiles, who was added to the Sonic Forces mobile game last year as an unlockable character), Elise has only ever had 06. Thus, people only have that one interpretation of her to go off of, because not everyone obsessively rewrites her in their headcanons or hunts down fan fiction where Elise is characterized with actual effort.

And like I said, I don’t think Elise was created with longevity in mind, but it’s specifically because critics and fans alike continue to beat this dead horse that you have people like me saying “What if she came back tho”

Compare the hate Elise gets to the Deadly Six, characters whose debut game was not seen as quite a colossal failure as 06 but still had a story that was almost universally panned, particularly in regards to its character writing. While the Deadly Six (or just Zavok) have yet to appear in a game written by Ian Flynn, they’ve been recurring characters in the IDW Sonic comics and, while still pretty universally disliked, have been regarded by some fans as being tolerable in the comics due to how Flynn utilizes them there. (I wrote a whole other post speculating about the Deadly Six’s characterization in IDW if you feel like reading that lol.) In this sense, the current Sonic writers are genuinely trying to make even the most undesired characters palatable for the audience. I think it’ll be a long while before most people fully warm up to the D6, but the intent is there.

Meaning that the same could hypothetically be done for Elise, if this illustration is any indication that SEGA is beginning to wholeheartedly embrace their past, even the ugly parts

I’m not expecting anything huge from this, and I don’t expect her to suddenly become a major recurring character, because this illustration is nothing more than Sonic Team testing the waters to see how people react to them unironically including Elise in non-canon material. But look at all the fan art people are drawing of Elise in her skating outfit. Look at how fans are reacting. If, sometime after this, Elise were to appear in even a minor role in the IDW comics, in this new art style, with Ian Flynn, Evan Stanley, or even a guest writer like Daniel Barnes at the helm, I would welcome it with open arms, because I trust them to handle Princess Elise’s character with genuine investment and care.

(But until then I have my own ideas that I’m a bit hesitant to share for.....reasons~)

[blade-liger-4ever]

RWBY X Transformers Partnerships 4: Optimus Prime and Mercury Black - Peacemakers

"It's just....after everything I've done, it's still hard to believe a chance to change exists for a guy like me."

"There is always hope for redemption, Mercury. However, I believe you are missing one crucial factor regarding your past."

"Man, you talk in the most ancient way. Alright Boss Man, I've told you about myself, no lies. I was trained to be an assassin, made to kill others, and steal, then killed my own father. What 'crucial factor' am I missing?"

"The fact that you were an innocent child born into a hard life. I do not deny that you were forced into committing vile acts, or that, in some aspects, you perhaps enjoyed it. However, I know that you had no say in the matter, and that until you befriended young Ruby, you felt you had been caged in the occupation of an assassin. But by choosing to escape that life, and proving your reliability since then, you have shown to be capable of changing for the better. I believe you were meant for more, Mercury Black, and if you are willing, I would be grateful to help guide you on your new path."

".....You mean it? Even though we just met like, what, a month ago?"

"I refuse to lie to you on such matters, Mercury. In my spark, I am certain that you will achieve more than you could dream is possible."

"I...well, Ruby believes in me, but I - I never had an adult give me a chance like that. Until Tai and the others, but even then, they're..."

"Cautious?"

"Heh, to put it mildly."

"I assure you, Mercury, that such caution will not be exercised by myself. Should you need anything, you can always speak to me."

"....Thanks, Optimus."

Mercury is used to adapting. As an assassin, you have to be ready to switch tactics on a dime, or create a new plan on the fly when your old one goes up in flames. It'd been drilled into him (he had the scars to prove it), and even when his perspective on life had been shattered and reconstructed by Ruby, Mercury was able to pull himself together and adapt to the change in time for the Fall of Beacon.

However, living in his sort of/definite girlfriend's house with her family and now having to deal with the revelation of giant alien robots bringing their war to Remnant is more than probably even Marcus could handle.

In order to process this curveball, Mercury decides to keep by Ruby's room, detach himself from the world, and analyze the residents of Patch while this new pattern settles in his brain.

Tai is a kind man, and though he's surprisingly tame, Mercury has caught glimpses of the senior Xiao Long's fire that has been passed on to Yang. Speaking of Yang, the fiery blond is returning to her old self, albeit more restrained than before. To be completely honest, Mercury is grateful for that progress; seeing Yang in a shell-shocked, blank state had actually hurt him. Her boyfriend Neptune has perked up on account of this, and although he gets along with him, Mercury is still confused about how he's so accepting of the existence of literal alien robots. Then again, this guy's dating the Sun Dragon, so he shouldn't be surprised that Neptune was actually excited to hear that Qrow had brought home over-sized guests.

Oh, right. Qrow Branwen.

Although the Huntsman's reputation precedes him by a wide margin, and though the hairs on the back of his neck still tingle when Qrow's eyes land on him, Mercury's initial fear of the man has morphed into suspicion and a deal of resentment. Tai can claim he was adopted into the family all he wants to, but Mercury had been taught to look for patterns and anything unusual. And the uncanny facial resemblance between Qrow and his "honorary niece" is blatantly obvious. And the scythe weapon? Please, it takes a genius to build something like that, never mind maintaining and operating it with the ease he and Ruby exercise. So yeah, the chances of two unrelated individuals having the same genius to build an intricately designed scythe weapon are a million to one - and those odds have already been stolen by the 'Cybertronians' who'd fallen through some portal onto Remnant.

Mercury is still trying to understand that, but between monitoring Ruby and the house, he's getting there.

Wheeljack is similar to Qrow, which Mercury automatically associates with the words "dangerous" and "unpredictable". He's a good engineer, judging by the doo-hickey he's cooked up on the island, but the scars and sparky look in his eyes tells Mercury that the...'Wrecker-scientist', is just as capable of destroying as he is of creating. Ironhide is what every drill sergeant wishes he could be; the giant 'Autobot' barks orders and gives assignments at great speed, usually practiced as he takes over a task from one of the others when they move too slowly. Despite that, he's surprisingly careful when dealing with Miko - and Mercury does his best to avoid her and her explosions. She's innocent, he knows that, but by Remnant, she has too much energy for his liking.

Sideswipe is...loose. Mercury can't quite put his finger on it, but he knows that Sideswipe, in spite of his bravado and snark that rivals Yang's, is fast. If he had to bet, the younger Autobot is used to moving at speeds that allow him to dish out pain with little detriment to himself. Good qualities for sure, but the way he acts like a twenty year old and carries himself like that hits a little too close to home for Mercury's comfort. As for Smokescreen, it's obvious he's the team baby - the short Autobot has the same kind of energy for justice as Ruby, as well as the excitableness and easygoing nature. Because of that similarity, Mercury's willing to spend some of his free time with him, though there are moments of eerie silence from Smokescreen, as well as a distant gaze, that makes him wonder about the guy's inner thoughts. However, the kid brushes it off with swagger, and Mercury's too deep in his own concerns to bother trying to coax an admission out of him.

However, the one he can't seem to pin down is their leader: Optimus Prime.

The Autobot commander towers over them all, with only Ironhide standing even remotely close to Optimus' height. Optimus walks steadily, with a silent strength and confidence that Mercury has never seen in anyone else's stride. Moreover, he can feel the guy's power when he enters a room, almost as if it were a supernatural sensation. Heck, even when he's standing still, Mercury can sense that power at rest, waiting to be used and capable of unleashing itself in a breath if Optimus wanted to cut loose.

But that's not what boggles his mind the most about the Autobots' superior.

It's the way he speaks.

Optimus' voice is deep and carries far, easily putting every other male's baritone and bass to shame. And yet, despite that, despite the sheer force in his voice, Optimus always speaks in a calm tone. He always uses full sentences, never utilizes slang or contractions (That's wild), and not once - ONCE - has Mercury heard his voice rise beyond an octave. It should be intimidating, should make him question this guy's status among the Cybertronian race.

And yet...the absolute warmth in Optimus' voice reaches something inside of Mercury. It reaches in and stirs something, something like a small child, to consciousness, and makes the child want to reach out to Optimus for something like comfort, and safety.

The only time Mercury can actually remember doing that is a time when he was eight, shortly after his mother had died. And his plea for consolation had been answered with a severe punishment from Marcus.

That memory makes all of his instincts scream to stay away from Optimus emotionally. Ruby understands him, accepts him, and so far her opinion outweighs the realistic worries of her family, which has given Mercury more time to continue improving himself and showing that he has changed from his upbringing. But since he's gotten to know her, he's become friendly with the other people in her life, although he can't help but keep some of them at arm's length for a while yet. Tai lets him roam the house free, Yang's willing to spar with him while Neptune cheers and mediates on the side, while Mercury and Qrow keep their distance based off a mutual, silent understanding of Ruby's true parentage between them.

So finding himself almost unconsciously following after Optimus whenever a meeting ends is more than a shock for Mercury.

It happens to him three times. The first time is when they meet, and Mercury had still been processing the Autobots' arrival. He'd all but locked himself in the guest room, and stayed in Ruby's room for a week to figure things out. The second time was when Wheeljack had finished half of the doo-hickey out in the woods, and required new equipment that required everyone's presence. Mercury had all but run back to the cabin from the shock of that lapse, and seeing that Ruby had woken up had kept him occupied for the next five days, and given him a reasonable excuse for avoiding the Cybertronians, their leader especially. However, his time with Ruby, while relieving and rejuvenating for them both, came to a head when Wheeljack stuck his metal foot in his mouth and openly identified Ruby as Qrow's daughter when they were working on Branwen's scythe.

He knew she was going to run, knew she was going to be too fast for him. But Mercury still tried going after her, mildly surprised that Smokescreen shifted into a sporty racecar to take after her as well. It seemed that he reacted instinctively too, as the short Autobot drove off without thinking to offer him a ride, and Mercury found himself chasing air and dirt before logic made him stop.

As he stood there, Optimus entered the area from the side, and Mercury's whirling thoughts consisted of one realization that the Autobot had been nearby when the fiasco began. To his surprise, Optimus asked him what had happened, and with a quick scan of the place around him, Mercury saw that Qrow and Wheeljack had disappeared - whether to chase down Ruby or not, he had no idea.

Resisting all his better instincts, Mercury summed up Ruby's real parentage and how he and Qrow had been trying to avoid it until Wheeljack ruined it. To his immense surprise, Optimus listened with keen interest, and once he'd finished, the leader thanked him and advised they let Smokescreen find her, as (apparently) the kid had ways of bonding with "human youth". Mercury quietly scoffed at the phrasing, then mumbled about the strangeness of this alien leader.

That dour sarcasm evaporated when he looked up and saw that he was trailing Optimus' moving feet.

Certain he was losing his mind, Mercury froze and tried to think of a way to leave without being spotted. However, Optimus paused and spoke his name, the patient, quiet underlying command of "stay put" rooting him to the ground. Turning around, Optimus revealed that he was aware of not only Mercury's unconscious tailing of him, but how he'd been avoiding him for the past two weeks as well. Optimus told him that while he respected his privacy and actions, he wished to know why Mercury fears him, as he only wants to be a friend to him.

The words make everything that's been building up inside of Mercury snap, and he can't help it. He yells at Optimus, blurts out that no one can be as good as he is, that adults aren't as inherently kind like him and that anything like those qualities are destroyed somehow in short order. He lashes out that he can't figure Optimus out because he's so different, so good, and honest-to-Remnant heroic, and that no one can - can...

"...Make me feel like a kid. A defenseless kid, who never....never had what Yang has with Tai."

Mercury stuffs his hands in his pockets, then stares at the ground and hopes against all reason that the world will just go back to making sense. Optimus takes two careful steps forward, bends down, and to Mercury's shock, picks him up. His hold is gentle, and he brings the hand holding him to his chest, where Mercury notices a pale glow emanating from somewhere behind the glass before the comforting warmth of his metal body distracts him and makes Mercury relax. As Mercury processes this, Optimus quietly speaks, telling him that many people are too weak to be either good or heroic, and that yes, many can be good, but will have their better qualities destroyed. Oftentimes, the latter is a personal choice, such as the Decepticons' leader Megatron, who Optimus once considered a brother before their war broke out. As Mercury detects a faint humming inside of the Autobot's chest, Optimus adds that many can and do choose to be good, and that while some possess those qualities to greater degrees than others, it does not make the entire adult world cruel.

"Life itself is cruel, and I feel you know that better than many your age do. However, if you will allow me to, I would be pleased to help you heal and learn to trust others again, Mercury."

Mercury's not sure if this is how it feels to have a father, but even if it isn't, he's gonna fight to keep it the same way he'll fight to keep Ruby safe.

Optimus and Mercury form a close bond after this, with Optimus often making sure Mercury is both safe and emotionally well after a long day. He knows when Mercury needs a push to go to bed or otherwise take care of himself, but more times than not, Optimus can tell when he should speak sternly to the boy over his sleep schedule, as well as when to put his foot down over Mercury's regular time of training, reconnaissance, and other habits. Similarly, Mercury has learned tricks of getting Optimus to take a much needed break, usually by asking for some alone time that he's reluctant to admit he needs. They make a strong team on and off the battlefield, with Optimus helping to refine Mercury's techniques while Mercury tells him about Remnant's stars and history. The Autobot leader's fascination with learning their culture softens Mercury a tiny bit, and - perhaps - leads him to learn of Optimus' past on Cybertron....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lord Almighty, last year drained me more than I realized! Sheesh, I thought for sure I'd get them done sooner than this!

Anyway, I had this team up in my head almost from the get-go. Mercury needs a real father, and Optimus is the manifestation of Team Dad, so it only made sense to buddy them up. For their name, I chose Peacemakers because Optimus wishes and fights for peace, while Mercury needs to find peace - though I admit, I was partly inspired by the weapon of the same name.

Pray I get more done sooner than this, folks! I love these two franchises, and I want to get back on track for this series I started so long ago. See you around, and remember the wisdom of the greatest Prime in history:

"Hold on to your dreams. The future is built on dreams."

[cannibal-nightmares]

sharing this with you all for perspective and also as a processing method for myself

being schizophrenic can be described by the time I bought a small air dehumidifier for my bathroom. the appliance in the box was fine and normal, it wasn't until I tried to take it out was something Wrong, something was Bad--the thing felt like it was living somehow and that was supremely Not Good; the logic part of my brain (and, truly, god bless I still have any semblance of logic still thriving and kicking) thought annoyedly, "Ugh, not this again, it's an inanimate object," but it will never ever be enough to override the inherent paranoid delusion completely. So they fought, the two sides, and when logic stands a fighting chance, the only way I can get through something is by shouting over the noise... and in this case, it was at a dehumidifier. I managed to get it out of the box all while yelling at it--which may sound like absolutely nothing, but this circumstance was actually huge for me--put it on the floor, and... Walked away. Backed away. I was too scared to plug it in, and this isn't telling the whole of the story: If remember correctly, I think I ended up crying because my hands felt "tainted" after touching the thing, and I was getting so worked up and annoyed because the only self-soothing that helps is your stereotyped incoherent rambling, and I often mitigate the shouting by forcing stressed out laughter which just makes it all seem worse, frankly. I left the dehumidifier on the floor until the next morning when I was able to plug it in and use it; I still to this day struggle to empty out the water carafe and I can't directly look at it, but at the very least I can use it for its functionality.

never thought I'd admit to this story, but I just woke up to my smoke detector beeping because the battery must be dying. the beeping bothers me way less than I would have othewise imagined, but instead of removing and replacing the battery myself, I have to call the landlord to do it for me. I have to. I set up a stool to do it myself, and my head just started swarming. And that shit is louder than any fire alarm chirping. it feels like a swarming, like pressure, like someone shouting at you to get out of the way of an oncoming car fifty times over. it's like standing next to a blaring firetruck at a parade. it feels like There Is No Worse Consequence Than This, like somehow my consciousness will be overridden if I touch the smoke detector, if I get too close to it, if I think about it at a specific angle for too long.

and I try to talk to people about my paranoia, but they don't understand there is no reason to be had. "You're right, the beeping is very loud and kind of scary," they might say. "You don't have to worry about electrocution," they might consider, "it's just a battery." It's like the instance I was having a hard time at work and asked my co-worker if a customer's service dog was real and I was replied to with, "I hope so! A robot dog would be spooky!" it has nothing to do with the physical logic at all, but absurdity like "if I fix the fire alarm myself, magically the next door neighbor will be able to read my mind" and etc beyond etc. And it may sound silly, but that's the point, that's the problem, and it's just as real as the sky is blue.

anyways im not telling this tale for pity, but, again, to offer perspective. This ish robs you of your autonomy in the most jarring and absurd ways and all I can do is laugh through it. What makes it such a monster to deal with--at least for me--is that working through the logic doesn't seem to do a damn thing. So I really do have to force myself to rely on others in times like this, and it's infinitely more difficult when your brain decides that others are the enemy, as well, even when they never had been before.

[subzeroiceskater]

I thought, "why don't I try making story for RR? I've never done that before" before I thought, "wait."

Then I thought next, "why don't I try making a serious story" before "oh".

Then finally, "no, how about I write straight prose" and then I thought, "do you really think they'd really want that? From you? Especially now, after you've seen how they treated your first stories?"

Then I thought nothing because I forced myself back to sleep.

-

Imagine joining Yuletide or Robot Rumpus for the first time and being forced to come up something for someone like me.

-

So the most recent written story I have for MM is "The One Who Jumped" which is a more straightforward story than "The Man Who Married a Whale", but still probably not the typical story. I still like it a lot. I'd say I'd love it but I don't think it's that good, technically speaking. I'd have the idea forever and I was surprised when I tried putting it down. It was different from what I've always imagined but I still appreciated for its weird imperfections.

Now there are some stories that I know I won't do well, solely because of their content and/or execution. "The One Who Jumped" and "Arc Weldy Feels the Love" both occupy this space for me. If nobody ever read them, if nobody liked them, I'd understand. These are the types of little stories that are just designed to occupy a weird little corner--it's not like sweeping ongoing shippy romances/epics that I've constantly been turning in my head. These are the types of stories that are very one and done. It's one of those weird little stories that isn't easily designed to be "get". I could've written "The One Who Jumped" to be a lot simpler, to be more easily understood, and honestly, that's how it existed in my head, but the story that came out is instead one is one that's gonna ask something from the reader, which I don't think is a lot, but more than typical, especially with my usual jokey shitposts. There are some confusing imageries, some quick jumps between perspective without warning, abrupt pronoun changes, but those are intentional for my part. I get if it won't be successful, that it won't hit, but I did it to the best of my ability and when I read it every now and then, I am still satisfied.

As of this writing, it has three kudos--two from signed in users and one from anonymous guests. No comments.

I wonder why those two (maybe three, I don't know if that anonymous guest is an actual person or not) people left kudos. Did they click the story simply because I put Tundra Man as one of the characters? Did the story mean something to them or was the kudos, like some ao3 readers have reasoned, a sign they simply reached the end of the story and wanted to reward me for putting something readable? Did they read through the story, perhaps skimming for dialogue, and when they reached the end, did they think the story was just a big joke? That I was trying to be funny?

[icarlycarl]

Why the Sudden Burst of Writing?

Here's a late bloggers's confession, so to speak. I’ve always had a penchant for writing. From the obligatory essays in school to the required writing tasks from clients I still come out with today, writing has been a constant thing for me. I guess I got this from my dad who had a knack for it. However, I’ve kept my personal writing private. Like a secret drawer full of thoughts and feelings.

When blogging was at its peak, I was a lurker. I even own a Tumblr page, but mostly as a sort of private journal. Now, as I dive into sharing some of my blogging, I know I’m a bit late to the party. People seem to prefer vlogs by influencers these days, I don't do videos, because I'm conscious of my wonky eye. But I’m here, in front of my computer, ready to share my thoughts.

Last year, I had a wake-up call. Several health issues and a heart attack forced me to reevaluate my priorities. It made me realize that life is fleeting. #YOLO and all that. I guess I want to make the most of it. One way to do that is to share my thoughts and experiences with the world (although I know there would be some who would just have me keep my thoughts to myself. Hahaha...) Maybe leave something for the world to read when I've left this earth. Morbid much?

I’ve always had strong opinions about various issues. I’ve discussed them with family, friends, and even my dog (who let’s be honest, doesn’t offer much in the way of intellectual conversation, despite her being a smart doggo). But I do want a broader audience, a chance to connect with like-minded individuals and engage in meaningful conversations.

Do I use AI? Yes, but not all the time. I’ve been writing long before AI like JarvisAI, ChatGPT or Gemini, became a household name. But, I have found it to be a helpful tool, especially when writer’s block strikes or I need a fresh perspective. It can suggest sentence structures, alternative phrasing, and definitions explained like a 5-year-old, and even generate ideas. But, even if it's able to write a whole book if I wanted, I’m wary of relying too heavily on it. It can sometimes produce robotic, impersonal content. That’s why I always make sure to infuse my writing with human emotion and reliability. I do believe NI (natural intelligence) is still better than AI (artificial intelligence), even with the ease it brings.

I’m kinda excited to continue on with this hobby. One where I share my thoughts and feelings with people out there. I hope people will enjoy what I write. If not, it's okay too. I do look forward to reading comments, and feedback.

Ready to dive down the rabbit hole which are my thoughts? Buckle in for the ride and let's go, b*tches!

[damianacottstudio4]

Artist

Smithe

i think what interests me the most about this artist is his use of layering that creates this mechanical feel like a robot putting stuff together in a machine line or something

i like that its futuristic also i feel like it adds this altered perspective or reality whilst also playing onto this feeling of "hidden", i just get a feeling that something is hidden and we as the audience are deciphering or trying to figure out as to what the artist is specifically talking about, i feel like its a nice blend between theme and visual imagery more specifically how the they are connected but are seen as singular things?

i think it's definitely something i have been trying to achieve or rather am in the pursuit off, i feel like my work presents this raw quality from the street art style that using layering to alter perspectives

Art Text:

with these articles i was trying to gather information in regards to the influences of pop culture onto contemporary art

"The idea of pop art has also expanded into the use of modern-day technologies. For example, the rise of artificial intelligence has also found its way into the art world as various software now allow a complete art piece to be made without the hand of a traditional artist. With a prompt inputted into the software, a unique piece of art is visualized using a computer. This change will transform the art world, giving more weightage to the concept behind a piece than its technique and skill." (TIMESOFINDIA) -> i found this interesting as we are currently living through this drastic change, the current climate around AI continues to have its pros and cons however in the art world from my understanding could ultimately transform or merge into a more concept based approach rather than artistic skill -> could this lead to the end of certain techniques/processes? could this be a new form of creative expression? is it both a negative and positive? to what end does the artwork then become a image of a given prompt? is this art?

i also found interesting how the article only mentions the impact of using comedic, nostalgic, pop culture references as direct link between the youth and art. Is this something to be wary off ? or is this unimportant because of my target audience? , in saying this i feel like my practice currently targets a specific audience, this being the youth or young adults however i am concerned if this could lead to a isolation of two different demographics connecting or engaging through art

i do feel like i engage in the pop culture realm however if i were to classify my art as pop art i would be skeptical as my practice doesn't necessarily reflect the current state of society and urban/pop culture in saying this, it could be a new pathway to explore in my practice

i feel like this article (TIMESOFINDIA) has shed light onto the changing field of pop art that i engage with, yes art has changed throughout the years and is constantly changing however with this information i found myself excited yet weary of the new ways of making

the first article was also quite informing as i began to become more familiarised with POP ART, was just some light reading

i did find some stuff that was interesting like "From street art’s rebellious spirit to digital art’s transformative potential, and from fashion’s evolving status as an art form to the power of celebrity influence and commercial art, popular culture has catalyzed an art revolution. Moreover, it has empowered art to be a platform for cultural diversity and social discourse." "Fashion, a prominent element of popular culture, has blurred the lines between art and everyday life. Fashion designers often draw inspiration from art movements, historical periods, and cultural references, infusing their creations with artistic value. You, as a consumer, play an active role in this process by making fashion choices that express your individuality and sense of style. As fashion evolves as an art form, your daily clothing choices become a canvas for self-expression, influenced by the amalgamation of art and popular culture."

i had some sort of understanding or rather view on the fashion as art however i didn't really see it as a from of personal expression, like the idea of walking around as a canvas expressing yourself through the clothes you wear, i think this article has further progressed my knowledge of art but i also feel like it has shifted my perspective onto considering or chosing more specific objects references that connect more with the times rather than a generalised one ? however will this take away the personalisation of the process? like does this added step then take away an aspect of "raw" or does it then become about making art for the masses rather than what i want to make?

[heylinfanclub]

Topic In therapy I may be contemplating for a couple years; I crave community mutual aid but from the words of my equestrian therapist ‘we just don’t really do that here’. And I told her we do though. Plenty of people toss out usable furniture by the road. Plenty of people hire ‘taskers’ (an app I just learned about) to do chores for them. People ONLINE have financially supported me just cause they knew me, they could and they cared. Strangers come sort recycling out of our trash because they care, it’s not even their job.

During the session I was rly upset at the idea that I am doing. So much work (counting the pressures of working harder to do basic shit on average due to having a mental illness) to take care of myself. And so much more work on top of that to educate others. And keep people in my life. And try to survive capitalism. And that I can’t do it all alone! I am going to die on fire! I am the blood-sweeping robot that sweeps its lifeblood until it dies of bloodloss. And SO MANY OF US are being forced into that position, even without a mental illness that exacerbates the severity of the reality (some people LIVE LIKE THIS, DOING MORE THAN ME EVEN AND ACCEPT IT AS NORMAL INDEPENDENCE WHEN ITS LIKE. ONE DAY. YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO CARE FOR YOURSELF. AND YOU WILL DIE ALONE. ARE YOU NOT AFRAID?!!?!!?!) this is why it’s called COMPHET (or compallo at this point). THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE WHEN YOU CANT KEEP UP W THIS ALONE IS TO RELY ON A SIGNIFICANT OTHER. OR FAMILY. OR ‘THE SYSTEM’. neither of which are guaranteed for ANYONE. hell. I told someone I was goin home for the day and they said ‘lucky you’ and I’m internally like ‘YOU DONT KNOW WHAT GOING HOME IS. HOME IS NOT A GUARANTEED BREAK. HOME IS MORE WORK. HOME COULDVE BEEN RETURNING TO MY DYING PARENTS FOUR YEARS AGO. HOME IS NOT SYNONYMOUS WITH REST FOR EVERYONE. Is that. Is this a hangover of Breadwinner Perspectives? They don’t fucking count housework as work, nor caring for oneself (selfcare IS work). I cannot hire someone else or rely on someone else to do the endless work. UNLESS—-‘

THE POINT IS. The idea that is. I’d like to start a mutual aid group. For my apartment complex. Because there was a guy who went by Popeye who moved out, and he always seemed to know what was going on around the complex. He always had little barbecues and even personally acted as security around the complex when the cul de sac people tried to fuck with apartment folks stuff. He moved out and I got a bunch of his furniture and art and I’ve seen him around. But idk. New managers don’t do any community events like the managers who were here when I moved in (I genuinely don’t think the new managers wouldn’t have let me move in). Nobody quite kept people in touch like he did.

Currently all the apartment kids come to my door during the spring and summer asking for water and snacks because the managers office stopped letting them use their fridge. There are queer pride flags in windows. There are stickers of the school I went to. There are overworked and tired parents and disabled elders. I just want us to all get along and help each other. I can’t control anyone but I could help build an opening for communicating with each other. Idk. Maybe one day. When I’m confident. I want to use the quote ‘dob’t assume people have different values, they’re just working off different information. everyone wants to be Good, they just got different ideas of what that is’ as a sort of quote for that kinda thing cause I know political divisiveness in this world lately could make connection hard. Maybe. Maybe it’s just this bad on the internet. (But a lot of internet bleeds out into the real world now)

I like helping out the kids and watching kids and playing with animals and providing art supplies and helping solve problems. I know we all like to feel needed or having a chance to share our skills. There used to be an art fair here! Run by the old managers! New managers boring as shit! Maybe I’ll run the art fair! Fuck!

But it’s somethin I know will take time. Thought. Energy. The occasional stable moments. Research into real mutual aid groups! I guess I’d need a mission. And my main mission would be to spread the appreciation for Mutual Aid, to Do Mutual Aid, and maybe bolster kids confidence to do stuff like this themselves. I’ve got these kids thinking I’m cool as shit for a weirdo, I can’t waste it.

[branded-perceptions]

Ever wondered why as more causally destructive a product is as more "smiles" and marketing budget of 🔍"brand love" and mindless marketing packaging "I-love-you-slogans" it needs to sell itself / attract consumers

via hallucinatory mind stories they see themselves reflected in

instead of proactive direct communication regarding your causal touch / causal effects in objective reality?

Do you know the group love hypes of teenage gang or cliques where it often is more about the storytelled identities and to that authority attached emotions than authenticity of a genuine care of emotional motivations for everyones' causal wellbeing?

Adult society tends to behave similar

via group-identities like national / religious / consumer go(o)d(s) identity brand love / political / social bubble identities

where we unconsciously try to via our mind and social relations' hallucinatory emotional fake attachments' psychotic self-justifications adhere to our in-group identities that thus "confidently" ("being vain") tend to loose touch with questioning their subjective motivations and views' attention shadows regarding their causal functionality

🎶BECAUSE OF YOU - KELLY CLARKSON

due via their mind valuing these hallucinatory spaces more

(🎵I WILL NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES THAT YOU DID)

than public direct debating any authentic concerns whose emotional instincts we tend to repress via from our rational thoughts detached emotions

(🎵I WILL NOT LET MYSELF CAUSE MY HEART SO MUCH MISERY)

that thus lead to reductionistic explanatory robot constructs' self-justifications

(🎵I WILL NOT BREAK THE WAY YOU DID, YOU FELL SO HARD)

that from an objective systems perspective just don't any make sense

(🎵I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY TO NEVER LET IT GET THAT FAR)

with their to hallucinatory group-identity constructs

(🎵BECAUSE OF YOU I NEVER STRAY TOO FAR FROM THE SIDEWALK)

whose explanatory sense and entrained emotions are interpreted as "safety" (#staySafe🤥😷😇) while tending to serve these psychotic mind hypes more than causal realities' relation to our life force

(🎵BECAUSE OF YOU I LEARNED TO PLAY ON THE SAFE SIDE SO I DON'T GET HURT)

whose relation to objective reality we never fully perceive with our subjective minds' socially entrained attention focus

(🎵BECAUSE OF YOU, I FIND IT HARD TO TRUST NOT ONLY ME, BUT EVERYONE AROUND ME)

similar like the Disney faked the iconic false flag scene (🔍1958 White Wilderness documentary faked lemming mass suicide myth scene )

of lemmings running down a cliff (lemmings do not actually do that)

by for bra(i)nde(a)d show effects similar like via vain err medias peer-pressure of our current marketing economy consciously knowingly continuing to push consumers them down the cliff

(🎵BECAUSE OF YOU, I AM AFRAID)

as long as similar like in that Disney reportage the public does not know about it

(🎵I LOSE MY WAY)

and thus is deemed to be responsible by itself

(🎵AND IT'S NOT TOO LONG BEFORE YOU POINT IT OUT)

while simultaneously lacking the dialectic bodies to focus collective attention on improving the deepest struggles of humanity

(🎵I CANNOT CRY, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT'S WEAKNESS IN YOUR EYES)

that we metaphorically shift our responsibility away from via our hallucinatory Disneyland reportages and smiley bra(i)nde(a)d counterfactual media or "entertaining" distractions

(🎵I'M FORCED TO FAKE, A SMILE, A LAUGH EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE)

that due our mass psychogenic illnesses detach our rationa argumentations of decision-making with proper direction of emotional motivations common sense

(🎵MY HEART CAN'T POSSIBLY BREAK)

because we tend to only reward each other for "positive" communications that serve our psychological ID pleasure circuits

(🎵WHEN IT WASN'T EVEN WHOLE TO START WITH)

of our mind symbols that via their hallucinatory focus economically zombify our causal quality of life via repressions of emotional motivational dialectics with our thereby alienating from causal care detached reductionistic laser beam th-oughts

(🎵I WATCHED YOU DIE, I HEARD YOU CRY EVERY NIGHT IN YOUR SLEEP)

which the by this song represented female populations tend to trust

(🎵I WAS YOUNG, YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO LEARN ON ME)

as by masculine dynamics constructed authority concepts of social status and hierarchical structures that via fantasy defences tend to value the mental pain and possible threats of their competitive mind dynamics of economic and cultural capital incentives' reputation management more than the causal pain of all our quite similar shared life needs

(🎵YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF ANYONE ELSE, YOU JUST SAW YOUR PAIN)

which all throughout history was a quite similar pattern of by groups' shared apathetic emotional hypes

(🎵AND NOW I CRY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT FOR THE SAME DAMN THING💸💉☠️💔)

of then afterwards due to endured group-apathy then leading to collective overreactions

(🎵BECAUSE OF YOU I TRY MY HARDEST JUST TO FORGET EVERYTHING)

as these systematic patterns conditioned the population to not publicly authentically express their mind to collectively via vulnerability logically solve the spectrum of subjective unknowns

(🎵BECAUSE OF YOU, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET ANYONE ELSE IN)

that thus accumulate as seen via the discrepancy of the "plentiful" hallucinatory bra(i)nde(a)d marketing and packaging of "diverse" consumer go(o)d(s) that in objective causal reality do not actually serve our causal life force

(🎵BECAUSE OF YOU, I'M ASHAMED OF MY LIFE BECAUSE IT'S EMPTY)

that is threatened by these unreflective group hypes that lack to habitually vulnerably debate a more conscious alignment between rational thoughts that in every human tend to just self-justify the more unconscious and by psychologically symbols entrained emotional motivations' subjective relativism:

🎵BECAUSE OF YOU I'M AFRAID

[sanddusted-wisteria]

A Builder, a Researcher, and a Rooftop, Ch. 6: Mechanized Bipedal Heavy-Load Mobility-Enabled Suit

prev | next | index

Also on AO3

A/N: Somehow I managed to bungle the order of the main missions while I was outlining, and completely blacked out the fact that the bridge comes before the Gecko Station ruins. I decided to keep the chapter order the same, since it made more sense from the perspective of the builder's and Qi's relationship. So I guess just pretend that the builder could get to Gecko Station somehow before the bridge gets built? Whoops.

------------

It was already dark out by the time the builder decided to stop working. Qi’s robot was almost done, but there was still a ton of complicated wiring work left. They gave its goofy faceplate a pat, setting their tools down. They glanced out towards town. It was Saturday, wasn’t it? Qi was probably waiting for them already.

They left their yard slowly, half-considering not going. Whenever they saw him for the past week, all he could talk about was the mobile suit. Was it ready? When would it be done? Even when he poured them some of his tea, even when they handed him data disks for an upgrade to their grinder, that seemed to be the only thing on his mind. Was there any point in going this week? The second they show up on the roof, he’ll ask—

“How goes the mobile suit?”

The builder groaned. They weren’t even halfway up the stairs. Qi’s eager face peered down at them from over the edge of the roof.  

“Qi, that’s like the fifteenth time you’ve asked,” they said, shooting an exasperated look back up.

“I know, I know. But is it ready?”

They sighed. “No, not yet.” Qi’s face fell. “Almost. Probably by the end of tomorrow.” He instantly perked back up.

“Good. Good good good. Splendid,” he muttered as he pulled back, going back to sitting at their usual spot. The builder climbed the rest of the way and sat down beside Qi.

“So what’s the deal with this thing, anyways? Never seen you so excited for just one machine.”

“It’s not just–!” An indignant look flashed across his face for an instant. “Ahem. Well, I saw the bridge construction team struggling to finish their task in a timely manner, I so happened to have an old design of mine lying around that could accomplish it much faster, and you so happened to obtain a vital part in the ruins to make it a reality. I am simply happy to fulfill my occupation’s purpose of using science and technology as a driving force for improvement.”

The builder raised an eyebrow. “And…?”

“And what?”

“And…what about that, uh, inspiration of yours…?”

“I already told you, didn’t I? It’s from something rather obscure. Something I guarantee you never would’ve heard of.” His voice was steady, but the uncertain, sideways flick of his eyes didn’t escape the builder’s notice.  

A playful grin tugged at the builder’s lips. “Well, if you tell me what it is, I’ll hear about it then, won't I?”

Qi squirmed a tiny bit. “Mm, no. Most likely you’ll…confuse it for something else.”

“Reeeally. Coulda sworn I heard Heidi clearly say ‘Gungam’ the other day. I’ve heard of it. Never watched it myself, though.”

“Erm. Aha—if you’ve never watched it, there’s no way for you to know for certain that the mobile suit is inspired by that, is there?” It was hard to see in the dark, but the builder could just make out a tinge of red on his cheeks.

“But you do,” the builder said, tilting their head with a coy smile.

Qi let out a noise of frustration. “It’s for a…friend, alright? I have a researcher friend back in Vega 5 who grew interested in the…anthropological significance of Old World entertainment shows like these.”

“And that’s why…you’re the one with this robot design just lying around?”

All Qi could do was sputter indignantly. The builder could almost see his brain short-circuiting. They let out a lighthearted chuckle.

Qi covered his mouth with a rather loud cough. “W-would you look at that? Venus is incredibly bright tonight.” He pointed at some dot in the sky. It looked more like Jupiter than Venus.

“Huh, so it is,” they said, still keeping their cheeky smile.

They fell silent. The builder shot Qi occasional glances out of the corner of their eye, trying to catch any changes in his expression. Qi would shoot them glances in return, trying to catch them before they could say anything else.

They let out a silent snort. Qi, of all people, Mr. Stiff McScienceMan himself, had a weak spot for old cartoons of giant robots punching each other. And he read terrible romance novels in secret. And he got more excited over old hunks of junk from the ruins than Nemo with some spare jerky.

What a weirdo, the builder thought fondly, as they peered over at Qi, shoulders still tensed and eyes uncertain, hidden by the glint of moonlight off his glasses.

What a weirdo.

------------

prev | next | index

[irohsteaa]

I generally agree! Monster helped me (and still is helping me) become a better version of myself, and Tenma’s character is such a great inspiration.

I also think he’s way more complex and nuanced than many people give him credit for; I’ve seen people describe him as “too two-dimensional” or “too good to be true.” If that were the case, he wouldn’t be such a compelling character, and I’d forget about him (and Monster) very soon after finishing the story.

I wouldn’t say there’s one moment where he’s changed; it’s an ongoing process, and it continues even after the story ends.

Let’s take the hospital politics as an example; the situation is a complicated one, but we only see it through Tenma’s perspective, which is, at the point of the story, very limited. He snaps out of his robotic state, his “yes-sir!” attitude is called into question:

He starts to see better what’s going on around him, he also notices that Heinemann is using him, and he’s gaining nothing out of it:

He also notices that his fiancé has a view on human life that is extremely different from his own:

First time talking to your own fiancé, dahrling? Didn’t you notice it earlier? Didn’t you talk to her about the things that are both important to you and part of your career? Weren’t you interested in what she has to say? 

Why?

Let’s dig even deeper: why are Heinemann and co. the way they are? Why is politics so important in the hospital? Is it only because they’re evil and/or greedy?

Tenma doesn���t think about it in this part of the story, because he’s too focused on his own perspective. To be clear: I’m not saying he’s an awful person here or that he has some bad intentions. He’s just human and still very naive because of his lack of experience. 

This is when Johan comes back and destroys Tenma’s perfect little life (once again) and forces him to go on a long, long journey where he can learn more about the world he lives in, the people and, in consequence, about himself and his belief system. And he becomes less and less judgmental. He learns to how to choose understanding over the need to be right.

Monster gradually starts showing other points of view: we see more characters, more stories, more motives, more complex choices. 

In this scene, Tenma is talking about his values:

It’s so weak, isn’t it? No wonder Johan is laughing here, I’d be laughing too!

And here, Tenma is showing his values:

Not so funny anymore, eh, Johan?

It’s not about being right anymore, it’s about staying true to his values.

It’s also important to remember that Tenma’s in a very privileged position (even when shit hits the fan for him; he still has the money, the skills that shield him from bankruptcy, and his initial need to serve others helps him to develop his people skills and become a better team-player) which makes it easier for him to make the right moral choices. I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to do or that he’s faking it. I’m saying that Monster shows that while we always should try our best to be better, many factors influence whether we have the opportunity to make this choice.

For example, would Martin choose to work for the neo-nazis if he didn’t have to deal with the trauma that came from his mother suffering from alcohol addiction and if he didn’t blame himself for her death? And that’s just one aspect of his life.

I’m still thinking about that post about needing to acknowledge your own capacity for evil, and how influential Monster was to me in breaking down the idea that people are intrinsically either good or bad. Because the thesis statement of Monster (or one of them, because Monster has a lot to say about a lot of things,) is that everyone has the capacity to become a monster, and being human is about the choices you make. The kindest, most altruistic character in the entire series, the nicest person you ever met, starts the story by being complacent in corrupt hospital politics that value wealthy patients over the poor, and never bothered to think about the consequences of what he was doing until a patient literally died because of that shit and the grieving widow screamed in his face about it.

It was obviously the wrong moral choice! But Tenma was content to keep his head down and follow orders to further his own career, until he is literally forced to look the consequences in the eye.

And he changes after that! He makes the hard moral choices and loses everything in the process! And he keeps doing it, keeps sticking to his morals, even when its hard, when its painful, when he has to question everything he ever believed it. He keeps choosing kindness and mercy and compassion.

It's a choice! It's always a choice! No one is inherently good or evil! All that counts is your choices! And you can change! You can always become better!