#for which i am INCREDIBLY grateful
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please pray for @coruscanttojerusalem as he embarks upon a significant interview, and for me as this interview is out of town and includes an overnight, approximately 2.5hrs away, and baby #2 is Still Inside.
#prayer request#it's been pretty quiet on the contractions front today#for which i am INCREDIBLY grateful#but he basically just got there and hasn't even had dinner#and he'll be home in about 24hrs from time of posting this prayer request#so just. yeah. let's hold out.
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IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder
╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher
#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies#(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless#shamelessnet#shamelessedit#ian gallagher#cameron monaghan#*macygifs#bipolar disorder#hello pals how are we doin#i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags#and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation#that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day#world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder#which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life#while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life#and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines#over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful#i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended#hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles#world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder#and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all#it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen#so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it#i promise#anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder#go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives
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he’s also ambidextrous but don’t tell him
#persona 5#akira kurusu#ryuji sakamoto#morgana#can be#pegoryu#Bc a bro be multi shipping these days#ty Megan for opening my eyes to sunshine boy shipping#new router Monday and then I’m kicking it into high gear to get stuco stuff done >:3#also I’m like ~50 away from 2000 followers here which is INSANE#Ik a lot of people have dropped off but god I am incredibly grateful 🥺🥺🥺
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can you imagine writing the 'it gives me you' scene for a pair of characters and then having them not interact for the rest of the season? wild.
#criminal minds#jemily#emily prentiss#jj jareau#jennifer jareau#prentissposting#just been thinkin about this#like#no follow-up on that?#for real#ms. jareau wtf did that mean??#i recognize that the immediate crisis was resolved and she got emily to come back swinging but like#it just feels like such a gaping emotional hole#and emily never responded to her???#jj just bared her heart and em was like quick a distraction let's roll#which is very on-brand it just#you know?#am grateful for the scene it was incredible of course of course from a finally some kind of jemily contact perspective#but like writing-wise. structurally. i have questions.#next season being jj-centric save me#anyway#grem leans
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i am in chinchilla limbo
#an extremely kind random stranger is paying for his vet visit#which is. AMAZING. she just happened to overhear the situation from the waiting room and was like#i’ll cover the cost of the emergency appt.#which like. regardless of how the visit goes and what happens from there#is an incredible show of compassion from a stranger and something i am very grateful for#because that dramatically reduces how much i may need to have to chip in today.#anyway. i am standing in my house like this guy 🧍 rn waiting to hear what the vet thinks.#izzy.txt
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loving the therapy vibes u have planned and i have 1 single piece of advice for u: the things you truly, sincerely, DONT want to say out loud, are the most important to say ❤️
got it, thank u so much my divine angel <3 i do have an issue w obscuring the ugliest things out of fear of judgment or being misunderstood, but if she's as good as my friend says she is she'll hopefully see through that and help me navigate it. i'm rly excited :)
#it'll also always hold true that the ppl i met thru tumblr will alwaysss be my first therapists omg#i remember being 19/20 & CONFUSED & coming here to talk ab emotional things and the ppl on here had so many helpful takes and perspectives#i always say this. and it's true. that tumblr houses many gargoyles who j want to make people feel bad#but i've also met some of the most incredible people ever on here and i am so grateful#def going to therapy a much more mature me than i would've if i didn't have this silly blog to dump my feelings on#also so many people in my life r on borrowed time rn <3 i'm trying to gain the clarity to see whos's worth keeping around#the first time i seriously considered therapy was when a few anons sent me their experiences w it#which helped destigmatize it a lot in my head and that's why i even took the plunge#am i too attached to my anons? yes. is it unhealthy? also yes. will i ever stop? unlikely.#we'll see IDK i'm saying sm but i'm very emotional and insane and can never shut the fuck up#🫂🤗🥰💕🫶
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misfortune and woe upon me I ate my dinner too fast and now I am being so so so brave about the resulting stomachache. how did I last for so long in constant pain
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ran a 37 minute 5k today (okay just under 38 minutes but STILL) which felt so great in the moment! another PR on the books!
#not enough to save the day from my brain so i am currently in my bed watching u kno what (season 1)#under multiple blankets while my husband makes me tea which i could not be more grateful for#the mental health is POOR today friends but hey! i went for an incredible run and i'm remembering to eat!!#that's gotta count for something!!#daisyruns.txt
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Girls when the end of Sketchbook Week fills them with a melancholic yet unimaginable gratefulness and a contradictory nostalgia for the present moment. Girls when the feeling of community that was already there was enhanced by an event and they're emotional over people on their phone
#you guys. fucking broke me#like yeah I KNEW everyone here was awesome and kind and sweet and talented#but there's something about the organized coming together of it#it feels like the internet equivalent of everyone accepting to hang out together outside of just seeing each other in school/work#to everyone who commented/reblogged my works or just interracted in some way with me during this week#I hope you know how incredibly grateful i am. I hope you know I think of you as a friend (ESPECIALLY the mutuals)#I've never taken more comfort in the saying 'shows end. But fandoms last forever'#but I hope you know you can reach out even when you no longer think too much about hilda#I'm just. so humbled. Like this common interest brought all these amazing people together. Now we can stick by each other#even when there's no longer this common denominator#(which is going to take me a WHILE to leave behind either way don't know about you)#anyway. yeah. I'm happy to share these moments of my life with you people. you are alright [I say as I bawl my eyes out]#wife speaks#not hilda
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late to TDOV but
I love you trans women I love you trans men I love you nonbinarys and genderqueers and multi gender people and people with their own unique relationships to their gender that might not make sense to others I love you intersex trans people I love you trans gays and lesbians and bisexuals and asexuals I love you all
many blessings and celebration and love to you all!! you are beautiful and wonderful and worthy of the many joys life will give you living authentic to who you are :^) 💗💞💖
🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
#from your local genderqueer guy 💖#ive been out for about 6 years now going on 7#which is wild and crazy#ive been collectively on T for about a year and almost a half#and although my journey to top surgery has been set back I’m still on my way#getting on T has been so affirming and incredibly assuring. to feel right in my body#im so thankful ive been able to#unfortunately where i live recent legislation has come through where my state insurance will no longer cover it#but i’ll be back on soon when i can afford it#i remember waiting for so long to get on T#ive spent years living in a transphobic household where my identity was dismissed and belittled#i had to leave my family home when i was caught getting on testosterone soon after i turned 18#its been rough#but being able to be myself on my own. with friends who love and accept me as i am#to have more control over my own body and what i choose to do with it#to make it feel like home#im so grateful#i love you all#trans joy is a beautiful thing#tdov
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good god.. been dealing with THINGS. very many of them
#i worked from home this whole week and only went in today and it was expectedly super exhausting and not productive#but i also worked the whole weekend too and i am so totally spent like burnt out emotionally and on every other level LMAO. anyway#i came home to roommate and she was like oh I was hoping you’d want to go for a walk and i was like listen my love i am not in shape to#even breathe-in breathe-out right now without falling apart and she was like ok got it! and went for the walk herself and she brought back#my favorite sour candies and my favorite watermelon cider and . oh my god get this i’ve been meaning to replace the battery on my AirTag i#keep in my car bc I always park it where the fuck ever and forget#and she actually got me the AirTag as a bday gift but i digress. anyway i always forget which battery i need and she went and bought it for#me and said this is to ‘refill your battery hehe’ and i’ve also . been told some other things like borderline incredible things (positive)#(not by her but well. someone else. shan’t say it and such)#and it’s just sooooo much all at once i feel like i’m exploding i need to decompress for one thousand years#like this is mostly positive trust me i just have not been shown love for so direly insanely long and now im receiving it in a genuine way#and idk how to even deal with it or how to express my gratefulness like how do you. how do you begin to give all of that back im dizzy
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okay wait I haven't thought abt what good things have been happening in a while. hmm. okay i got some in mind:
i am eating a dinner i really enjoy tonight, i have a rolling desk chair now (that is smelly still bc I couldn't get the smell out and is maybe still a little damp from washing it but! i own a rolling desk chair for the first time ever YIPPEE!), i inked a drawing today and remembered how much i rly love working with ink, my living space is tidy for the first time in two years, i have been greatly enjoying just looking at my freshly organized bookshelf, i did some drawings for friends (and have a couple more to go) that everyone seemed very happy about receiving, and I've been working on a lot of Deadwood Lodge stuff lately which is always very fulfilling for me personally :]
#there are good things despite all the awfulness happening lately!#also my old lady group is fantastic as always which i am so incredibly grateful for every day honestly#i wake up every day and think abt how much im looking forward to the day i go again fjdkdl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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#ive had an amazing year in this fandom#i saw louis and harry for the first time in seven years - the first time since my otra show#i somehow got so close to louis in berlin that he kept making eye contact with me and it was the first time i was surrounded by so many#pride flags apart from pride and i definitely felt safer than at pride there#i started rainbows for lights up which i will forever cherish and im forever grateful that you encouraged me because the entire hslot europ#was something absolutely amazing and magical#and in many ways it was obvious harry knew and then we did the Prague project for lights up and harry knew about it and did a double take#for the flag before the song even began#HE KNEW he LOVED IT and we had another rainbow project and a loml project and i stood so close he saw me#and there’s this interaction during which he definitely saw me and i saw the video the other day and am still gatekeeping it but#i had that#and it was one of the best days of my life and one of my best achievements and#seeing harry do what he does the way he does reminded me what i want to do in my life and who i want to be and was key in me taking the job#that i did a few weeks later that changed my life#i saw louis in freaking malaga at his own festival where i travelled by myself and it was a nightmare for many reasons but i DID IT and it#was an incredible show and we did an absolutely incredible rainbow project that was acknowledged by louis there#and that was acknowledged even afterwards when they registered copy the day after#i still can’t believe we pulled that off and he kept pointing to us like that and so many people said it was such an important moment#i made and met some of my best friends in this fandom to date this year#liz Petra Lisa raine hope im looking at you guys and i love you#i discovered and saw otp thanks to louis (and Petra)#i got to be here for harry and louis’ new albums and achievements and world tours and it was INCREDIBLE and im so proud and it brought me#so much joy and happiness to be here and they really were with me during a majorly defining period of my life once again#so i am grateful and filled with love for the projects for the friends for the music for the memories for the shows i went to and am going#to next year (my teenage self absolutely cannot believe) and im excited for what’s to come#but right now with everything that’s going on im taking a short break from the fandom for the sake of my mental health and to consider how#i engage with the fandom and some matters in the future#i’ll be back after new years probably and i hope you have an amazing start to the new year and spend calm holidays with those you love!!!!#love you guys!
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songbird's season of general sadness/first real grief/sorrow is coming to an end: (in chronological/journeying order) songs and poetry that helped my heart a lot these past few months :)
Always Good, Andrew Peterson / Marjorie, Andrew Osenga / Ask Polly article I read on a whim: 'My Boyfriend Refuses to Change' / You're On Your Own, Kid, Taylor Swift / One Foot in Front of the Other, Griff / Heavy, Mary Oliver / Monday by @madamescarlette / The Letter, Linda Gregg / Summer's Retrospective by @madamescarlette / Ode to Some Lyric Poets, Gregory Orr
(bonus--from the scraps of writing that came out of this chapter of life, which are slowly being assembled into a more coherent story:)
#yknow i felt so alone at so many points but i really really wasn't#i had such good friends (here and in my church community) who held my hand so gently#and God used the things i understood best to show me His incredible love at just the right moments#still an ongoing journey but i am so so grateful for the secondhand heart-strength given to me and the tenderness that was extended when i#when i was really at my lowest and saddest and most oversensitive and easily provoked to impatience or anger or depressive spirals#anyway i can't remember who sent me marjorie but thank you so much for that it was such a comfort. it continues to be#and thank you eden for sharing your beautiful poetry!!!! it continues to refresh and encourage my soul#mmmm it's hard to put into words what everything (and by everything i mean: the songs here and on my playlists#and the poetry here and the books i've read during the summer and into the autumn#from cyrano de bergerac to tolstoy to rilke's poems and dorothy sayers and dostoevsky and st therese & st teresa and madeleine l'engle#not to mention the night walks and morning prayers and the wonderful times i've had with the other dorm girls!#suddenly quite overwhelmed by the abundance of love and blessing#immensely immensely grateful for everything. i can be such a little wretch sometimes and wallow awfully for days#or act like a little human machine and try to Rid Myself of all emotional surges. or just focus on all the negative things with astonishing#tunnel vision (you wouldn't BELIEVE). but God has been so gracious despite songbird being a silly goose#and every once in a while having mental breakdowns and having to learn the same lesson (surrender and humility) a bajillion times#anyway!! my heart doesn't hurt anymore!!#and i am learning to take it one day at a time and to Rejoice in all circumstances#slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21#which really is so much harder than i thought at times!!!! but that makes it even more important to do so i think
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really frustrating how hard it is to rebuild your life after cancer. you get rid of the tumor that wants to kill you and then its. ah. here's twenty more uphill battles. thanks.
#which isnt to say im not incredibly grateful for my health and my medical team. i am#i am just frustrated by how difficult everything is#i can and i will do hard things. but i will also complain about it on tumblr.com
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also dear anon who asked for seanxlenny headcanons/content, IT IS COMING, I have the day off work tomorrow so I'll finish writing that one out then, as well as any other asks I get in the meantime, I'm sorry for the delay 😭😭😭
#i spend so damn much time on each ask bcz i love them all so!! i want to answer all of you properly which mean long ass answers njhbvbjnbh#which takes me some time to think on and write out!!!#but yall rly ask incredible questions and i LOVE getting to talk about RDR2 this much so i am eternally grateful!!#ESPECIALLY Sean lolol but also Lenny they are such blorbos of mine im so glad people like what i say!!!!#just imagine me lovingly caressing the asks u send to me from the moment u leave them in my askbox and. forever after really#teki talks
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