#for uhh... reasons ^w^;
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and also "putting everyone in a simulation will make it all ok 👍" and also "let's park next to this random system's sun" and also "we can't live on our own planet because of our own folly" and so on
#and also an inablity to accept the inevitable...etc etc#i thought of some more but then i forgot them 😋#originally wanted to post this with other sillies but then i was like. well i dont wanna spoil anyone on either a these games so erm. ya#nine sols#outer wilds#nine sols spoilers#outer wilds spoilers#outer wilds echoes of the eye#echoes of the eye spoilers#echoes of the eye#if youve played nine sols could i recommend outer wilds: a space exploration game where u play as a cute and short lookin alien whos#unraveling the mysteries of their solar system although there isnt any combat and although there are horrors theyre not like. well.#nobodies bein harvested thats for sure. and its very much about the story#and if youve played outer wilds uhh. i. dont really know if i can recommend nine sols even though i Can summarize it as a game where u do#explore and there is space and u Are an alien (from a humans pov) and you Are cute and short (from a humans pov)(until u learn the horrors)#and there Are horrors but erm. well. shrug emote. it Is a combat game thats the primary reason#the horrors are less the horrors of space and how easy it is for you to die and the idea of said causes of death and also the unknown. and#more the sins of some REALLY fucked up cats. ethically dubious science sins. actual guts bein spilled. i mean i aint actin like the warning#of the game id recommend lookin those up. sure is a game tho (i cried)(just like w outer wilds)#feels like i could recommend a non combat game to a combat game player easier than the other way round#the theoretical combat game player would be capable of playing a non combat game right#feels harder to imagine the other way around. then again i Did find outer wilds mechanically difficult at times in a way that combat games#can challenge me. so. shrug#all that matters is if u enjoyed the dialogue n interactions in nine sols...if u didnt vibe w that then im unsure how much outer wilds woul#vibe for you. etc etc#idk why i started typing up a whole ass recommendation in the tags. anyway have at ye#idk who'd read this far but i salute you FSDHLFSDHKSFDH
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It took me sooooooo long to play isat and it was super frustrating bc I knew I was gonna love it and I was already getting attached to the characters and everything I knew about them on my dash. For MONTHS.
And it's like. That feeling when you're in way too deep w a big hyperfixation and you know your brain isn't gonna accept you getting into something else yet bc you know it's for the potential to be a huuuuuge hyperfixation in of itself. Had to wait for the ut hyperfixation to burn itself out first lol
The fact that the thing that eventually broke me out of it enough for me to feel ready to get into isat was that outertale sucked so badly was hilarious. Immediately jumped from a really shitty space/star themed time loop RPG to a really fucking good one.
#just saw someone else talking about how it took them a while to get to#bc they needed to wait for their brain to be ready for a new hyperfixation#and I'm glad it's not just me lol#hey did you know they made flowey a star in that game for no clear reason.#like literally it's implied they still injected a flower w determination but he's a star w no explanation anyway#also he turns into a red giant for his neutral final boss. it would've been cool if it wasnt uhh. supposed to be the omega flowey fight?#the lack of body horror and existentialism ruined it lol. and they made literally every character 'unproblematic' or whatever it was so lame
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Its so easy to assimilate into a cis male space and it's access to patriarchal power just by declaring yourself as one of them. They will instantly respect you and definitely not squint to see the ghostly spectre of your feminine mystique every time they look at you. this is famously known and no one has ever come across any problems to date (why would anyone keep your records, you don't exist)
#even when you do get 'in' its like. god maybe its just me. i cant relax#i cant relax and be one of The Boys when im scared that its for nothing#its like something that would make me insanely dysphoric tho its kind of funny is uhh -#people would make those videos about 'pick me' girls trying so hard to be one of the guys#and the implication seemed to be that this is such an impossible and pathetic thing to attempt#that it could never work and the only reason youd want that is to have str8 hookups i guess#ive been having a hard time w this shit lately beyond any online discourse lol just on a personal level#i wish my social dysphoria was not abysmal to the point it hindered me actually working toward like#doing affirming things like being able to be confident in my own masculinity
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pokemon mutual i humbly ask for insight on potential pokemon f/os you know of because pokemon has recently piqued my interest and am curious to see who you assign me
OH MY GOD!? YES NAME TWIN!!!!!
ok i have a FEW but idk if theyre like ur type and stuff and im sorry if theyre not that accurate 😭😭😭😭
first up, we have archie
hes from ORAS and hes mr evil water man /silly. ur blog is sea themed and u just remind me of the sea in general and so does this guy so i thought of him first up
next is N
everyones fave christmas tree from BW. a classic. very pretty. ignore the shoes. he has daddy issues and wants to set pokemon free!!! just going off vibes rn
uhhh adaman !!
hes blue and you remind me of the colour blue so i went with that! adaman's from PLA and he's the leader of the diamond clan and hes got beef w this blonde lady (justice for the blonde lady fr /j)
last is jacq
hes a biology teacher at the academy in scarvio. im just going off by vibes atp 😭😭😭 there's not much reasoning behind this too.
#moots#asks#IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG#IDK HOW ACCURATE THIS IS#MY FIRST CHARACTER WAS ARCHIE AND I JUST WENT OFF W VIBES#jacq has a BIT of reasoning but its silly#his messy hair kinda makes him look like a db character IF YOU SQUINT#but UHH YEAH#IM SORRY VRO I RLLY JUST WENT OFF W VIBES ����😭😭#we've got two blue guys a christmas tree and this dude /silly#i had more in mind but idk if theyre too accurate
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fr is he, you know.............................................repeatedly described as being Impersonable and Lacking Charm and Pedantic and confused / bothered by things he supposedly shouldn't be while inspiring confusion / botherment in others in ways he supposedly shouldn't and like 99.9% of the grief he's given is over All That while he's just sitting or standing there rather than the like intimidatingly efficient hitman georg thing he has going on. which is in fact The Skill That Makes Him Useful Despite It All and also perhaps the least foothold in interactions because [worried he can & may kill you] affords power when otherwise just being the weird guy nobody likes(tm)
bonus mordecai balling
#lackadaisy#not exactly Necessarily intentional but like oh you don't say#something something liking patterns & order; though that overlaps w/the like fastidiousness that's just tied to backstory#but that even when picking up that particular trait he was apparently always Peculiar in the deemed Not Personable Way#like oh you don't say#can't really even truly hone in on 9000 murders/day when like. everyone's blowing people away out here. ya gotta#or certainly other people are doing it too lol. mordecai's Mostly differentiated from anyone else's hitmanning by demeanor/affect#and that demeanor/affect has everyone going sicko mode antagonizing him while he's decidedly just sitting there#like oh you don't say....epic mood re: the [how would mordecai approach being tasked with infant childcare] joke#held a baby once maybe twice and both times an exercise in simply like ah christ don't drop this thing countdown to passing it along#great minicomic lmao found in the uhh. gallery under....mini comics; penultimate one w/the baby cat jimmy carter as pictured as thumbnail#supporting his mystery contributions too....gotta be for real abt mitzi not shooting anyone but sure he may have noscoped atlas#though maybe also he did not; but we know they have some secret concerning atlas; even probably involving his death....#vaguely wondering if atlas got whatever warning about [mystery thorn in marigold's side] as asa sweet mentions over that brunch#and perhaps would have chosen to back out of the business but mitzi was not about that & would arrange a Murder to inherit lackadaisy....#but mordecai would have to have some reason to go along with that. Maybe as an out for working for atlas forever; but now he's at marigold#not exactly that different yet [themes re: The Other Paths Are Closed To You Forever for everyone out here]#while it might also be true that he left for marigold to try to figure out what's going on over there from the inside; as suggested....#and whatever he's got going on he's Very Motivated about it as per the most recent comic pages. bold moves#anyways another accidentally autistic cat out here. for april. always a classic lol fr everyone leave him alone or else shoot at him yknow#i do support the mordecai & the savoys dream team there. reiterating i think nicodeme espesh could/should be the like surprise bestie & etc
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☁️
#i thought of smth today....#i will try to bring it up w my mom...#bc like my sister has moved out on her own and my mom stays there a lot bc we've all been cramped up in this tiny apartment 4ever#but my mom hates this apartment and neighborhood (we all do) and she HAS to move she says#but she only talks abt moving w my little sister#the idea is that i will move out to another city (wherever i cand find an appartment + program/school)#but..... it just hit me..#that if i would study online i.e on distance and not have to go to a physical school#then i wouldnt have to move to a specific city#and i could move with them....#bc the reason i cant now is bc of my income that isnt approved to put on contracts etc#but..... maybeeee if i do that and i could study from wherever as long as i have internet#maybe i domt have to move to a city far away (im only able to look at omes where student housing is available... and nothing is close by)#this all made me think and honestly i cant be far away from my family and our pets#esp when i wont be able to afford to travel to them often lol#i cant be alone i think.... i just wont be able to live like that... i wish i could make my mom understand that#i'd wish in the future i could have a partner and live w them. but that isnt what my reality is rn lol </3333#i have to choose between moving to a city 3-5hrs away from my family or... uh be homeless ig lol#so i will bring this up w her and see what she says#maybe she'll just shoot it down immediately haha...#but i will test the waters at least... maybe she'll need convincing :')))#im just not ready bc that would mean that i would have to move...#this august.... fuck i get a heartattack just thinking abt it#i'd have to hurry and finish 3 classes by may#but also have started applying for university in uhh... march/april maybe????#and then find housing... and get one in the same city i can get into a program in#and then move in august 🥴🥴🥴🥴#no thanks i wanna fucking throw up just thinking abt it NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOO. NO. NOPE.#ok i will have to convince my mom fuck that T-T
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"Heart of Darkness was bad" "Heart of Darkness was weird and boring" this is true but have you considered that it's literally good?
#soundwave posts#transformers#every IDW fan needs 1 published comic or miniseries that is reviled by everyone but you are nonetheless obsessed w it#im fond of hod for Galvatron reasons obviously#but i also like D-Void and uhh that stupid boat the aliens were flying on
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dear gods i adore horror tbh but i am way too sensitive to it
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#idk how to describe 'sensitive' rn i'm dying in the head i should be asleep but Man!!!!!#i search up tons of horror stuff for funsies. movies uhh creepypastas stories real life events etc. fun!#BUT it freaks me out wayyy too much. bcs i really don't deal well w Those feelings of paranoia.#my imagination too good i was scared at night going to sleep bcs i'd imagine what to do if an intruder came in from the bedroom door#or bathroom door and think of how i'd escape Death.........#Did Not Help my area before was kinda yk. chillax. chillax meaning grassy tree-sy backyard overgrown trees#old-ish in a filipino chill neighborhood that isn't very fancy ?????? idk.#and the fact one time my dad almost died and someone standing close to him Did die so. haha. traumatized from that.#I WASN'T THERE..... but i rmbr my dad coming home and the news absolutely terrified me. anyway!#wow... rambling on tumblr at 3 and a half am... Nostalgic.#anyway yeah i love love love horror stuff but i am !!! so bad w them !!! like jesus christ i adore resident evil and bloodborne#is my whole bloodline. or something. but i can't even watch my twin kill 1 zombie in a re game Demo (she can't do it either)#and i can only make it to killing the first monster in bloodborne and explore a tiny bit where there are still no enemies. god.#AAAGGGGHHHhhhh ... and the first point of horror in omori then i stop playing for months...... even tho i rlly wna play more :((#2024 ........ cmon... i will try to overcome my fears more.#i've improved somewhat at least! ...from when i was younger. like. man. i could never stay in night-time in games ever.#ffxv? nah i always have to travel at morning. only when i got strong enough that daemons were nothing to me did i stop#getting scared. ouuughhh... and i always try to be stealthy in games........... for many reasons ofc but 1. Scared#okay i shut up now. apollo rambles of tonight: done and over!
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Touch starved + casual physical contact gotta be one of my favorite combos
#fnafhs#:*3#golden fnafhs#golden/julian stuff#fox fnafhs#its been one of those weeks pass the yaoi or whatever ppl say idk#i feel like i haven't thought out a lot of fox's relationships w others bc i haven't thought about him a lot#ehh for some reason now he plagues my mind rn so. uhh. enjoy or whatever#also!! this is not meant as a shipping. since in this au fox is aromantic. but i don't mind. so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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control baby is much like RC and cion if it wasn't like that at all
#They don't get on well.#Cion would not say that he's raised them (collective) but he does have some sort of claim to them in a loose mentor way#Enough to get weirdly parental about it. There are expectations#Vwoop also has expectations. RC is staunchly like Uhh ur not my dad#And Cion would largely disagree w RC conceptually. NOT a fan of modders#And RC doesn't even write mods but he's very reckless with them and doesn't really care abt like. Worlds#Stability. RC feels uncomfortable when you can't Feel the world chugging#Cion's whole thing is that he does not want his home to be physically threatened. Reasonably!! Get Out Of My House!!#this is eldritch horror to him.#had i not been so easy on you / there'd be time to rectify you ...#RC is very college dropout core because he's just like me :heart:#The bridge is squarely Vwoop and Seren tho there's no way about it .#I have nightmares of being tied down is both except Vwoop has religious trauma nightmares and RC has nightmares of being Vwoop.#Many Such Cases#tell me did you raise a man ...
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GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#sxsh generations spoilers#sonic x shadow generations spoilers#grrrr they cooked with this#GOT A CHANCE TOW ATCH IT AND OOO#THAT WAS SO SICK????W#I LOVE HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THE START IS COS IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING ELSE AND I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH IN DOUBT#like i knew it couldnt be but was only reassured when maria showed her face#i love how the despair in her voice also heightens the tension but turns out its because shes running out of breath because of her sickness#also i love how they use colors here so much wtf#lookdev and art team fucking cooked oh my god#like when they are running at the start and everything is kinda green and cool and marias blonde hair is literally emiting a yellow aura#ALSO i LOVE how they make it clear that this isnt “what actually happened”#its still shadow's memories and they still arent reliable. its only one more reflection of his trauma that someone is trying to take#advantage of by shedding light on it again and testing how he reacts to it#so uhh black arms mind hive confirmed?#ALSO THE FACT THAT SHADOW KNOWS ARK DESTROYED ALL THE EVIDENCE RIGHT AFTER THE ARK RAID#DOES THAT MEAN THAT AFTER THEY CAPTURED HIM HE STAYED CONSCIOUS AND HAD TO WATCH THEM CLEANING ALL THE PROOF THAT THEY MURDERD EVERYONE??#WHAT THE FUCK7#but i must say im starting to wonder if they edited it out again today for some reason#there is dialogue missing that still appears in the subtitles and that was present in the first teaser#i watch with subs on and i must admit that took me out of it for a second because i knew that was supposed to be there but wasnt
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Everyday I wish for a dynamic vaguely similar to The Collectors and Belos between two characters to appear because like
I'm going insane I can't hyperfixate on them forever RIGHT??? actually I probably can BUT PLEASEEEE
#ok rant time#because I have like 3 specific pairings I hyperfixated on#greg and rodrick#(which doesnt even count anymore)#im a fictive of greg and one of my headmates is just#yknow rodrick but shes actually regina because#transfem#and uhh david and max#and collector and belos so three#with all of them theres always two specific requirements#relationship between a young boy and older man#but with david w max and belos w collector it applies#and for them to have some sort of familial relationship#anyways what im trying to get here is#i havent hyperfixated on thise pairings with how i did with belos and collector#and thats the thing that irks me#BECAUSE LIKE REASONBLY I SHOULD BE HYPERFIXATED ON MAX AND DAVID#theyre the closest to the reason I like them so much#they can probabky have a canon parental relatiosnhip#BUT NO#i think its because colli and belos are a very percect mix#theyre between not canon but canon to what I love so much about them#their unhealthy and honestly toxic dynamic is what makes me froth at the mouth#thats canon#but the way I want them to just be like#on good terms and just nice stuff aint#with david and max what i like about them is practically canon#me and rodrick absolutely not canon#I COLD RANT MORR BUT I REACHED TAG LIMIT anyways tldr I love collector and belos they make me mentally ill and sad#q talks
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in yet another W for lovelessness, the concept exists
#for you & for me & for them....#always Zany how yknow people would supposedly look at others Without Love (as an experience in whatever way) as Smhly Pitiable#but generally people are bothered by it in a way where those not experiencing Love properly are contemptible Others#so unsurprisingly the same response as in Any othering. like supposedly ah the pitiably Impoverished; pitiably Disabled....#but that's only for the completely abstract ''true'' victim & even like Guys You Make Up To Get Mad At who are poor are Bad People obv#like completely hypothetically like ah these pathetic souls so worse off than us. we must bravely sympathetize from afar or save them#and then really it's like well if you don't have Family there's romance that must make up for it. no Romance? family must make up for it#then comes Friendship as a fallback if you don't have either. & that if even that fails your Good Personness ought to appeal to strangers#since semi/public existence at work; school; existing in public outside that is totally a Securely Neutral Interpersonal Meritocracy#ah seems if the community (who? what?) doesn't rally around Recognition of your worth then uh. someone doesn't Have worth#or just any situation where there's a Difference to argue against & just make something up like uhh if ppl had babies they wouldnt do this#if people had success in the realm of Family Friendship Dating Marriage they wouldn't do this. surely#like can't imagine you yourself would have worth & not be required to kys in some hypothetical without ''''love'''' in w/e Proper ways?#yet it's the imagined or Actual But Not Listened To / victim blamed / scapegoated isolated parties who totally hate themselves#Or Sure Ought To; you say....#they sure Must have to hate themselves if you think your value is Evinced in what you have but they don't have/want/espouse#just pick any Difference to Argue Against but without engaging in info / reasons in earnest i.e. time to just make up some shit; like#uh i think the reason some people....are comfortable with heights is that they are definitely experiencing it as a Thrill that they ought#to be getting their daily recommended value of through the Exciting Uncertainty of A Friendly Chat but aren't :( get well soon
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damn was replaying ieytd1 and Jared mason has gotten way more comfortable in the handler role it’s nice to hear
#i FINALLY beat hot water’s speedrun so I have ieytd3 100% lemme tell you I hate hot waters speed run#anyways me n my buddy realized we never 100%d one so we were playing through mostly squeaky clean until the headset died and like#there’s a million little things that’s like. idk fun to see now that they’ve got it figured out#favorite quality of life thing the mission tapes are in a reasonable order WHY ARE THEY ORGANIZED LIKENTHAT#WHY IS WINTER BREAK (mission. idk 4 or 3) IN THE FIRST SLOT#WHY ARE THE CREDITS IN THE MAIN SLOTS BUT MISSIONS 5 AND 6 ON THE TABLE. I CAN UNDERSTAND THE VACATION ONE JUST SITTING ON THE TABLE THAT W#BONUS WHO ORDERED THEESE#anyways. uhh squeaky clean Reginald is like “well. I think the sandwhich was good before you toasted it. picky ass bitch” and it’s like oh#look who’s talking mr i Like my frankfurters cooked to a specific degree#BUT ITS ALSO LIKE FUNNY LIKE! obv they didn’t have either of these one of jokes in mind while writing either of them! it’s fun and silly#ieytd#ashen.rambles#in da tags
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Welcome to the AuDHD club buddy
eurghhhh but what if I'm faking it
#sorry if im annoyijg abt thjs but i saw a lot of self dx negativity yesterday#abt how most ppl who self dx are “just doing it to feel special and unique”#abd how a self dx without further medical accomodations is useless#bt like#what if the term just helps you understand yourdelf better and helps u not beat urself up as much#bc u can finally explain ur behavior#and find ppl like you w similiar experiences#and like finally you can feel understood#??#does that make sense#but like also#what if the things i sxperience have a different reason#the reason why im absolutely failing at school is bc im addicted to technological devices#and the reason why im addicted is bc of covid 19 and how it affected me and like almost every person on earth especially gen z-ers#and loke ke HATIG HATING AHTIG texture of non fresh meat to the point of literally beijg incapable of swallowing it#and HAVING to spit it out#could just be me uhh not being happy abt life in generak and never going outside?#bc i noticed food is somehow tastier once i actually go outside more often#and i loce going outside#idek how#the psychologist last assesment told me i have tics#wait fuck no its not called an assesment oops#last visit#what if i have tics bc uh idk? she said most teenagers have them#but like i barely ever see others like me#in public#i wpuldnt consider myself having sensory issues but at the same time each time the bell rings in school its really loud and i habe to block#my ears and i assumed it was normal but literally NO ONE ELSE does it? are they just pretending theyre not bothered by the noise or am weird#also i am capable of paying attention to stuff like classes once the people teaxhing the class themselves make it easier#idk. o was gonna comtinue talming but no more tags for me thanks tumblr
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love when I'm talking to friends and their vocabulary slowly starts matching up to mine
it's the best when the friend in question is a very monosyllabic dudebro and then after a couple of months he starts going 'thats so yum!' or 'woahh bestie..' I get such a kick out of it 😭
#my sense of texting and speaking is so silly so when people can match up to me i love it#literally for no reason at all my speech is very childish around friends and family so i love when friends can be silly w me#its kinda funny because it really contrasts w my outside personality (im very uhh like leader-y ?? idk i take charge of most situations#because i have a very type a personality in my opinion 😭)#kal rambles
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