#for those who saw my post about my Nana a few weeks ago

[daydreamsofh]

:)

[never-not-ever]

The other day I was driving through Marblehead and saw a lot of fun Halloween decorations. As I was driving home I thought it would be a cool if I took a bunch of pictures and rated them.

So that’s what I did today. My Nana came along and she talked the whole time lol. Which isn’t bad, I sort of kept zoning out and I’d catch the end of a story and have no idea what it was about.

It was kind of fun driving around, constantly putting my hazards on and pulling over. It did spike my anxiety a little cause I was worried someone was going to yell at me for taking a picture of their house but that never happened thankfully!

I did however, make a 3-point turn on a One Way street not realizing that until someone went to turn and kind of yelled at me but it happened so fast and it was a wide enough street so it was fine.

When I get home I’m going to make a Tik Tok of my drive through Marblehead with the rated Halloween decor. A nice little project to keep me busy.

We’re on our way home now and she just ran in to the store to get a couple things. I can feel myself crashing. Or rather I’ve already crashed. I don’t know if it’s the warm sun on my face or the soothing music in the background but I just feel very flat now. I just want to go home, go back under the covers and drift away into unconsciousness.

The store we stopped at is the Stop & Shop I first started working at when I first got hired. This store holds so many memories it’s insane. The florist manager here trained me and she’s like a mother figure to a lot of the younger girls who work in the store. She’s honestly the best and I love her so much.

We talked this past summer when I was still at the hospital and I told her about everything. Even before, she knew of my past. I remember one day I went into work wearing short sleeves with my scars showing and she started tearing up and gave me the biggest hug and said how proud she was of me.

Honestly I was low key hoping she’d be working today (I just missed her, she left at 4) and I started tearing up just thinking of one of her hugs. She called me a week ago but I never answered nor called back. Back in the summer during our phone call she said she’d talk to the store manager and that she was positive I could get a part time job working short shifts a few times a week.

That’s my safety net I guess. Especially working for the company for 12 years, I know I can easily get a job, probably at any of my old locations too.

Right now sitting in the parking lot I’m seeing so many people coming out with wrapped bouquets of flowers and it makes me miss it. That was my job. When I left the company I had worked my way to a florist manager. I loved the department, loved working with flowers and plants and my favorite- balloons! I always had the best sales in the district for balloon sales!

But work is the last thing on my mind right now.

Anyways she should be out any second now and then home is only a few minutes away. That was another great thing about this location. On my lunch hour I’d go home and take a nap lol.

Ughhh the longer I sit here the more I miss working here. There was an Era where I did overnight shifts. You didn’t have to wear a uniform overnight, got to have drinks on the sales floor and listen to music. Those were the best nights! But I was also severely depressed back then. During my days off I’d stay up til sunrise and then sleep all during the day (black out curtains were my savior). There’s always good and bad mixed together. So while I remember the fun times of working overnights I also associate that time with lots of self harm and depression.

Okay end post.

[crimsun-n-clover]

did i post about my nanas cat dying a couple weeks ago?

she was my sweet baby who’s been around almost my entire life and i was the one who gave her the most love. too bad she’s nine hours away. i would’ve done anything for that cat, but she died at seventeen of kidney failure.

the last time i saw her was over the summer. she was in my lap on the porch purring, and i was singing to her because she always curls up all comfy if i speak or sing or hum. she would hear my voice and come running out of the woods to sit with me. she wanted to be in my lap, but she refused to ever jump up. she would put her paws on my knee and i’d have to pick her up while she squirmed and complained until she was on me.

i set her down, and was petting her and telling her i was sorry i had to leave in the morning. i told her i love her so much and that she deserved everything in the world. all the squirrels she could chase. all the baskets to sit in. all the heated blankets to fall asleep on. i opened the door and went in the house, and she jumped in the doorway to stop me from walking away from her. she kept doing this motion she would do whenever she wanted me to follow her somewhere in the woods or the garden or some other place, which was weird because she hates being indoors.

i picked her up to take her back outside, because this was worrying behavior from her. she refuses to set foot in the house ever. instead of squirming around and squawking at me, she purred louder and curled into my chest. i’ve never felt more awful saying goodbye. she knew i was leaving in her fuzzy little brain and tried to stop me.

that was the last time i saw her.

the only thing of hers that i have is a recording of the sound of her purring in the woods at night and a few photos.

i shoplifted a little toy cat that looked like her the day after i found out and it stayed right by me for days. even now, it’s next to my pillow, and i’m fucking devastated.

she meowed in a rough and squeaky way like my hillbilly family of smokers talks. it was never a “meow” or “reow” sound. it was just the “ow.” she would go “aow” and that’s it. sometimes the noise wouldn’t even come out.

she had the softest tuxedo patterned fur. it was double layered and so thin. the only way i could get it off of my clothes is by rubbing my hands on it until it rolled into fluffy little wads and came off. it was so wispy that lint rollers didn’t work.

i would go out onto the porch every evening, to watch the moon come out and the bats leave their roost. the cat would sit in my lap and i’d hum whatever 50’s song i was listening to at the time to her. that’s why i’m getting bats tattooed on me soon. it was one of those soothing constants that made me happy, and a lot of peace and good memories of the cat go along with them.

i hope my little beast is hopping around with her little bell somewhere with a lot of places for her to climb and sleep. maybe she’s listening to my old jazz and doo wop that i would sing for her. maybe she’s rolling around in gravel, watching the birds fly above her.

wherever it is and whatever she’s doing, she better be happy. i’ll kill god myself if she’s stuck indoors or something.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #133

When did you last drink coffee? I've never truly drank coffee, just tried it a few times and thought it was disgusting each instance.

When did you last cry? And why, if you feel like sharing. Yesterday, a little bit. My sister posted something on Facebook that's happened at work over the past week or so, and it just warmed my fucking heart so much and reminded me yet again my sister is a real-life superhero, like very literally.

What was the last beach you visited and when? Carolina Beach, more than likely. Maaaaaaany years ago.

What book do you plan to read next? The next WoF book is Darkness of Dragons, the last book in this specific arc.

What fictional character/s remind you of yourself? Uh the first one that actually came to mind was Violet from The Incredibles haha, primarily as a teenager though. As I am now, I majorly relate to the character Clearsight in the WoF series, probably more than any other fictional character I've encountered. I resonate quite a bit with Kiara from TLK too, always wanting peace and to follow her heart no matter what.

What's in your fridge right now? List as many things as you can think of. Uh there's milk, yogurt, cheese, water, I'm sure lunch meat, lettuce and I think other veggies, condiments, etc. Our fridge is actually pretty full right now, definitely more than usual.

If you could have any artist, living or dead, paint your portrait, who would it be? Absolutely Nana Qi, much more popularly known as puffygator in online spaces. She makes THE cutest art I've ever seen absolutely anywhere, I am a ginormous fan of her work and I think if anyone has any chance of making me look even REMOTELY cute, it's her, haha. I basically BEG you to check her out.

Do you smell anything in particular right now? No.

Do you make enough money to live comfortably? [can be in combination with a spouse] I personally make zero money, so. My mom doesn't though, we're technically considered impoverished. We survive solely off her disability right now. I'm trying so damn hard to find a job so I can actually be financially useful.

What is one thing you like about your appearance? Don’t say nothing! I just like my hair, or at least how healthy it is and its general style. Not happy with the color right now, but.

What would you like to tell your father? I wish I saw you more. It's not just his fault, though.

What would you like to tell your mother? Thank you for absolutely everything you do to keep me safe, happy, and healthy.

Whose was the last wedding you went to? Bethany and Spencer's as the photographer.

What is your greatest fear? Living alone on the streets.

What is a chronic health issue you deal with, even if it’s minor? I think depression is the longest-lasting and the one that has most heavily affected my life.

What was your college major? If applicable. It changed between Game Design, Photography, Wildlife Biology, and then Art/Photography again.

What new place have you been to recently? Nowhere, lol. I basically never go to new places.

What are you a geek about? Meerkats, Silent Hill, tarantulas, snakes, Rammstein if u didn't already kno, Shadow of the Colossus, other stuff. But those listed are the primary topics I can think of where if you bring them up I will share E V E R Y T H I N G I know under the sun about them lmfao

What is something you have no patience for? Anti-LGBTQ+ opinions and behaviors. Like you are immediately JUST garbage to me.

What celebrity would you want to go out for a meal/drinks with? None realistically, bit too personal an occasion for someone I don't personally know at all. Well, unless it was like, Bindi Irwin lmao, I would take basically any opportunity to get to know her and be friends. It'd be a lot less awkward of an idea because she's not a celebrity that I "like" in a romantic/sexual sense, either, I just think she's fucking incredible and such an icon of love and goodness.

Are you happy with your weight? Hell fucking no, sick and tired of it.

When did you last hold a baby, if ever? Whose? Over three years ago when my niece Emerson was born.

How many cats do you have? One.

How many dogs do you have? One.

How many other pets do you have? One (champagne ball python).

How old were you when you got your driver’s license? I haven't yet, and I don't really think I ever will just with how fucking terrified I am of driving; it's just a fear I don't think I can conquer. I COULD NOT survive killing someone if I was involved in a car crash, like I'd just straight-up fucking kill myself. My panic makes me a dangerously passive driver, and people who know they can't drive in a safe, confident (NOT to be confused with aggressive) manner don't need to be on the road. I'm very well aware of how inconveniencing it is for others that I can't drive, especially with where I live (public transport really isn't a regular or widespread thing), but I'd prefer to not kill or cripple somebody.

What year did you graduate high school? 2014.

What is the first number of your zip code? Two.

How many of your grandparents are still alive? Zero.

What is your favorite number? Honestly don't really have one. I like the dark myths of the number 13, but I don't have a strong fondness for it or anything.

How many kids do you want? IF I have children, I can't visualize a world where I have more than two.

How many apartments have you lived in? As an official, legal resident, zero, but basically two.

What age do people say you look? Very early 20s. Actually the artist who did my new tattoo thought I was like, literally 19 lmfao thanks I guess

Do you feel like your family accepts you for who you are? For the most part. I'm confident my mom fully does, but idk about the others.

Do you feel like your friends accept you for who you are? Yes. I have more liberty in picking my friends; if my friends that I choose aren't willing to accept me, uh bye, our "friendship" is a waste of time.

Who is the best doctor you’ve ever had? The psychiatrist that very literally turned my life around when I began my partial hospitalization program. I stayed with him for many years until insurance made it so I could no longer see him. This is actually what resulted in me being hospitalized again last March; I was so devastated and scared of leaving the ONE mental health professional that REALLY made a difference for me that I became suicidal again. He is an incredible professional with what seemed like a totally unending well of medical knowledge. In the same hospital, when I did the PHP a second time, the therapist that most regularly worked with me was my favorite I've ever had as well; I totally desperately wanted to stay with him once the program was over, but sadly he worked exclusively in that. I wanna emphasize I've been seeing psychiatrists and therapists since the 7th grade (who are around 12 or 13, and I'm 27 now), like I've seen SO FUCKING MANY, so calling you my favorite carries an insane amount of weight.

Have you ever been flipped off by a random stranger? Yes actually, while driving. It was a truck of teenage boys and when they (illegally) passed, multiple of them stuck their hand out the window to do it. My mom was fucking furious lmao, she did it right back.

Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? Not many that I have a personal problem against; most are actually people my mother has asked me to block for a variety of reasons so they have no tabs on my family's lives. Then there's random people who've sent random suspicious or gross messages.

Do you consider yourself spiritual? To a degree. Like I do believe some sort of soul/"essence" of us exists, but that's the end of it. I know nothing about that realm or even if it really exists at all, and I worship nothing or hold nothing as truly holy or whatever.

Do you consider yourself religious? Absolutely not.

Are you afraid of spiders? No, not really; I actually love spiders, especially tarantulas, but I'm not going to pretend that if a big spider just randomly went down my arm I wouldn't freak out for a second, just because I hadn't been expecting it and most of my life I was scared of spiders, so the instinct to be startled is still there.

Are you afraid of snakes? I absolutely adore snakes with all my heart.

Does everyone in your family know your sexual orientation? Not exactly; I think everyone knows I like men and women, but I'm sure there are family members who'd still call me bi because they don't know I later realized I was really pan, AND I know there are a number who don't even know what pansexuality is lmao.

What is one thing you find offensive? Using the word "retarded" to insult someone's intelligence. My respect for you will fucking PLUMMET.

Do you often post about politics on social media? I share lots of political posts, yes.

Would you ever want to go back to school? I just can't do that. I've dropped out three times already, I can't keep pouring money straight down the drain.

What are three things you are naturally good at? Writing, bonding with animals, and I suppose seeing things in an artistic way?

What are three things you are NOT naturally good at? Socializing/talking confidently, asking for help (this does depend though), and thinking more with my head than my heart.

Is your dream to get married and have kids? No, my dream is to be happy with and proud of myself and feel like I made even a tiny difference in the world. I'd be bummed if I never do get married, but it's not my dream.

Where do you hang your towel to dry after showering? It goes in the laundry basket.

If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair? Idk, it'd very likely depend on how I look as a whole. I do know I love guys with long hair though, so I'd probably at least have longer hair... maybe. Part of the reason I keep mine short now is because I was bad at brushing it even nearly enough, so I'd probably have that problem as a man too.

Last person you hugged? It was either Girt, his mom, or his sister before leaving his place on Saturday.

How is the weather right now? It's sunny and WAY too motherfucking hot; my weather app says 86*F right now, disgusting.

Are you missing someone? I miss Girt really bad.

What is the wallpaper on your cell phone? Lock screen is artwork of Till Lindemann with the "Engel" wings prop, home screen is insanely cute meerkat artwork.

What do you have handy at your bedside? A lamp. If Girt's staying the night that's also where I put my phone.

What is your dad's middle name? John.

What is your mom's middle name? Marie.

First thing you'll save in a fire? If my mom is in there, I'm making sure she gets out first. If she's not, then I'd probably run and get Venus out of her terrarium first and then immediately look for Roman. I think I'd go for Venus first just because she's in a cage and is also a ball python so she wouldn't be going anywhere and is therefore super easy to find, while I'm sure Roman would probably be frantically running around or like paralyzed in a hiding spot. Really I wouldn't be surprised if Roman found a way out himself if there's an open window or door, being a cat. Deep hatred for this question btw lmao

[maaarijaaa]

You Belong To Me❀ Part One

Ransom Drysdale x Wife!reader

Summary: Ransom Drysdale grew up in a dysfunctional family full of heartless people. The only family member who understood and supported him was his grandfather, Harlan. He never knew how it feels to be loved, until he met you.

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Disclaimer:I do not allow for my work to be posted somewhere else or translated. English is not my first language so let me know if I made any mistakes.

Words count: 1.2k

Ransom never knew how it feels to be loved. His parents have been spoiling him since he was a kid and have never heard them say “I love you” or “We are proud of you” to him. He also grew up seeing how fucked up his parents marriage was. He once even caught his father making out with other women in public, but decided not tell his mother since he did not want to be a part of it. Every single family dinner or gathering would end up with his parents, cousins, aunts and uncle calling him names like asshole or a piece of shit, but Ransom prentended not to care and told them to fuck off. 

The only family member who really understood and cared for Ransom was his grandfather, Harlan. Since the young age, Ransom has built a strong interest for writing and reading books since his grandfather was a writer himself. Ransom wanted to follow in his grandfather's footsteps, so he decided to study English in college. Ransom and Harlan had a really strong bond and had many things in common. That's why Harlan was the only one who knew about you. 

Ransom met you at a bar a few years ago. The moment he laid his eyes on you, he thought that he found a perfect hook up for tonight, but was shocked to see that you were not like other women he has been with. You knew who Ransom and his family was since the whole Boston gossiped about how fucked up and spoild his family is. You have also heard that he was a person who liked to sleep around, so you rejected him right away when he approached you. He never told you this, but the moment you rejected him really hurt him. 

After that night, the only thing he could think about was you. He wanted to see you again, because there was something really special about you. A few days after that, his grandfather wanted Ransom to buy some roses for great nana's upcoming birthday. He went to the most famous flower shop in Boston. He stepped inside the store and could not believe his eyes. He saw your beautiful face standing together with an old woman behind the counter. After that he would visit you once a week and ask you out. After a few visits you finally accepted his offer hoping that he would leave you alone after the date. 

Ransom would ask you questions about your family and childhood thinking that you grew up in a much loving family, but his childhood is nothing compared to yours. Your parents were only teenagers when they had you. Your relationship with them was not the best. You were only 4 years old when your grandma found a few bruises on your body and reported them to the police. They were later charged with violence against children. After those events, you have not heard from your parents ever since. You later found out that they moved to Europe after being released from jail. They have been trying to contact you but after everything they did to you, you decided it was best to cut them out of your life. Many people were shocked when they found out that your grandma was not even in her mid 50s even though you were only 23. 

After the date, Ransom realized that he was in love with you. You really did enjoy the first date, so you were really happy when he asked you out again. After a few dates Ransom could not take it anymore so he asked you to be his girlfriend. You accepted it even tho many people warned you that he would find a new one when he gets bored but Ransom told you that he would try to be a better person, for you. After that both you and Ransom were head over heels in love. 

Ransom did not want to introduce you to his family. The only family members who knew about you were Harlan and Wanetta. He did not want to indroduce the only person that has showed him true love to a fucked up bunch. That’s why he proposed to you on your one year anniversary.  

You and Ransom have been together for four years and married for three. You were currently expecting your first child and Ransom could not keep his hands off your bump. He has been really protective over you ever since you have shown him the positive pregnancy test. It was actually Ransom's idea to start trying for a baby. Ransom has never really thought about having children until he found a photo album full of your baby pictures. He hoped that the baby would be as beautiful as their mother. 

You were currently making dinner since you invited your grandmother and Harlan over to your house to tell them the exciting news. You were only three months along and you are slowly starting to show. “Honey, have you seen my watch?” Ransom shouted. “I think its in the bathroom along with the jewelry” You shouted back.”I found it!” Ransom shouted while he made his way down stairs. Ransom gave you a kiss on the lips and put his hands around your swollen belly. “How do you think they would react?”You asked smiling at your husband while he was kissing your cheek. “I think they would head over heels. Your grandma has been convincing us to have one since we started dating.”Ransom said while chuckling. You turned around to face your husband. “I love you” You said while smiling at your husband. “I love you too, my love” Ransom said before kissing your lips.

Meanwhile at Harlan's house 

Harlan was getting ready to visit you and Ransom. Harlan has seen how you have a good influence on Ransom and liked since the day Ransom introduced you. He promised Ransom that he would keep the secret from the family and none of them had suspected anything. Harlan was about to leave when all of a sudden the entire Thrombey family unexpectedly entered the house.

“Where are you heading father?” Walt asked Harlan in confusion. “I was heading to Ransoms house, he wanted to help me with the newest book.” He lied. He did not want to tell them that he was invited over for dinner. “If he wants to help you with the book, then why does he not come over here?” Walt continued asking his father with a suspicious grin. “Because I have not visited him in a long time. By the way, may I ask why you came into my house without telling me?” Harlan asked while staring at everybody in the living room.``We wanted to know if you know what's going on with Ransom. He has not contacted me or Richard in a long time and it seems that you are the only one who is having contact with him.''Linda said to her father. “Well, I honestly don't know why he won't call you or message you but I got to go now since I promised him that I will be there in time” Harlan said as he left the house and got in the uber. 

“Start the car and follow him”Linda said, annoyed to her brother Walt....

[strawwritesfic]

Bruce Banner x Female!Civilian!Reader: Oh My Dear [Ch. 9]

Summary: For [F Name] [L Name], Manhattan was nothing but a hellhole. She got out and wasn’t ever coming back. When a set of cut-rate superheroes tears the city apart, however, her grandmother sucks her back into that familiar life of loneliness and angry customers. Even worse, one of those superheroes has decided to use [Name] in another crazy plan to “help” his best friend. Unfortunately for everyone involved, Tony’s plan just might work-if only for a few months.

Challenge:  “#1 AVENGERS ULTIMATE CHALLENGE!!!!“ by DancingBubbles on Lunaescence Archives.

Ratings/Warnings/Tags: T (foul language; sexual references; manipulative friends who won’t take no for an answer; dead parents; difficult relationships with family members; some language that might border on verbal abuse from a family member; angst; contrived coincidences; a generally unresearched depiction of paraplegia; set post-Avengers (2012) and pre-Age of Ultron; Tony & Bruce friendship)

Pairings: Bruce Banner/Female!Reader; Tony Stark/Pepper Potts; Past!Bruce Banner/Betty Ross

Tag List: @imaginesfire​

Master List

Chapter 9: From a Different Point of View

“Careful, [Name]. Careful!” Above the sound of the carefree chatter emanating from the crowd came Nana’s gentle cry.

Knuckles already white around the handles of her wheelchair, you only just pulled her to a halt when a toddler pranced across the aisle. You allowed yourself a moment of relieved pause, then dipped your head closer to hers. “You okay?”

“Well, I know why you don’t have your driver’s license.”

As you stood back up, you had to blow a bit of your hair from your face. “I don’t normally cause near hit and runs involving small children on my own, Nana.”

“I know, dear, I know.”

Once the “road” was clear, you looked about the bleachers for a vacant seat. People milled about chatting; the Sunday lacrosse game had yet to start, meaning socialization was more important than keeping eyes glued to the field. Thankfully, even with the constant shifting, you spotted a seat with a space next to it perfect for Nana’s wheelchair.

“It’s nice to have a day off, isn’t it?” she asked as you wheeled her down the ramp toward the front of the bleachers. The metal rumbled underneath her chair.

“Yes, it is,” you answered truthfully.

“I can’t even remember the last time I got out of that old apartment.”

You adjusted Nana carefully into her spot, then sat down in yours. “You had a doctor’s appointment two weeks ago.”

“Pah. I mean for something fun.”

“Lacrosse is fun?”

“I forgot. You never saw a match while you were here.”

A sudden upswing in noise caused you took down at the playing field. Both teams traipsed into view to great aplomb, putting an end to that particular argument before it could even start.

“Oh, look, Mr. Kanklefritz’s son made the team,” Nana cooed.

Your shoulders slumped as you relaxed. You were there. Might as well enjoy the match.

“Excuse me, but is this seat taken?” a familiar voice asked.

As soon as you looked up, all hopes of a normal day went flying into the stratosphere. “Miss Potts?” you asked, then leaned forward in your seat. Sure enough, there was Dr. Banner, playing with his fingers and looking resolutely anywhere but toward you. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Pepper,” she answered as she sat down and slid her bag off her shoulder. “Tony decided to do some actual work today, so Bruce and I are on our own.”

“And you came to see a high school lacrosse game?”

“We thought it might be nice to get out of the tower for a bit. Hello, Doris.” Pepper directed these last words at Nana. Despite the comfortably cool weather, you could feel your body heat rise with your blush. What if Nana said something?

“Miss Potts!” Nana cried with delight. “Fancy seeing you here. How are you?”

Pepper smiled. “I’m doing very well. How are things?”

“Oh, they were touch and go after Frank died. But,” Nana reached out and grasped your hand, “I have [Name] now.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.”

“I hope she hasn’t caused you too much trouble?”

“No! Not at all. We were quite satisfied with our trade off.”

“That’s good. She is trying.”

“Nana…”

She squeezed your hand a final time and then released it. “And how is Mr. Stark?”

“The same as always,” Pepper answered with a roll of her eyes. “Actually, he wanted me to ask [Name] something.”

“Oh? What’s that? Has she messed up another order?”

“Nana,” you said again in a strangled voice. “Are you even going to watch the game?”

“No! Of course not. Actually,” Pepper turned toward you, “he was hoping you would go to dinner with us.”

Although one of the teams had certainly just scored their first goal, your little section of bleacher became completely silent. Every eye (presumably excepting Dr. Banner’s) turned toward you. You rolled your shoulders before opening your mouth to attempt a response.

“Us?” you asked very intelligently.

Pepper’s smile widened. “Tony and I, and Bruce, of course.”

“Oh!” Nana’s hand again patted the back of your own sitting stiffly in your lap. “How nice, [Name]!”

“W-Why?” you managed to stammer, while at the same time feigning immense interest in the game. Leaving the apartment to do something other than work had sounded like a good idea when suggested. Now you wished you’d just stayed curled up in bed.

“To say thank you,” Pepper said. Your heart lifted somewhat–at least until she continued. “Besides, Tony said it would be nice for Bruce to have some company.”

You could barely see through your horror and embarrassment. “I don’t…what?”

“Honestly, you’d be doing me a huge favor as well. Sometimes Tony can forget we’re in public.”

Dr. Banner needed company? Oh God. Oh God. If Nana figured out that the man sitting on Pepper’s other side was the same man you’d gone on a date with, you weren’t sure you would be able to save either of them from the ensuing tantrum. On the bright sight, Nana didn’t want you to date, so no way was she going to let you go.

“You should go, [Name]. Mr. Stark has been a very good customer of ours, since your grandfather started the store practically.”

Thanks, Nana. Thanks a whole lot. Suddenly the dirt under your fingernails seemed very interesting. You examined it closely as you hedged, “I’m not sure. When would it be?”

“We were thinking Wednesday?”

“Well, I have a lot of work to do at the store on Thursday. Knowing Mr. Stark, we’d probably be out late.”

Something that sounded an awful like an amused snort came from Pepper’s other side. She did not seem to notice. For a moment, she bit at the corner of her lip, then her eyes closed before popping open again.

“I’m sorry. Sometimes Tony forgets that other people have schedules. We could find a better time, I’m sure.”

“I–”

“[Name]!” said Nana. “You should go!”

“Nana–”

“I’m sure you’ll have time to go after work. You can do the stocking in the afternoon on Thursday.”

Mr. Banner was planning to be there in the morning, but you couldn’t say that. Instead, with your mouth hanging a couple centimeters open, you looked desperately between Pepper and Nana. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“I would really like you to come,” Pepper said, with such sincerity in her voice that you couldn’t find it in yourself to doubt her. “I haven’t had another woman to talk to since Natasha went out of the country. Please?”

Nana nudged your shoulder. Although you doubted that anyone else could see, her hand was wrapped around yours so tightly that little pricks of static stabbed the tops of them. Doing your best not to wince, you looked back at Pepper.

“Besides,” she said when you didn’t give an immediate answer, “Tony is right. It’s not fair for us to always do things as a couple and expect Bruce to tag along. You’ll really be helping all of us.”

What, was Dr. Banner mute? First blackmail and then…whatever it was Pepper was doing. Nothing could ever be said that would convince you that Tony Stark did not know exactly what he was doing when he asked Pepper to ask you–even if she didn’t. You were going to absolutely kill him. To do that, you would have to be somewhere he was physically present.

“All right. It’s a date,” you said.

“Great! I can’t wait.”

“I probably shouldn’t even bother to ask, but do you know where we’re going?”

“Not in the slightest. Tony is a fly by the seat of his pants kind of person. I’ll catch a ride with Happy and come pick you up.”

“Happy?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Happy is Tony’s bodyguard. He also does the driving.”

“Um, fancy. Thanks.”

“Not at all.”

At last, Nana relinquished her vice-like grip on your hand. “Oh, [Name], this is wonderful! You’re making friends.”

“Thanks, Nana.”

Fortunately, after that all conversation became rendered impossible when a fight broke out down below. In the confusion that followed, you manged to lock eyes with Dr. Banner. You weren’t sure if you saw anything there to assuage your fears at all.

******

Between Pepper and Tony, Bruce didn’t know how long his life was going to last in that semi-peaceful state. First dating and then insisting he accompany people to sporting events? Really, even with his more recent track record as it was, he wasn’t entirely sure a high school lacrosse game was really the best place for him. At least back at the tower, he could count on Tony suiting up and taking him out.

That wasn’t even the worst of it, though. Surprise, surprise, there you were, sitting with your grandmother and probably hoping you’d never see him again. As much as Bruce tried to stay out of the conversation, he wasn’t deaf. He heard exactly when Pepper asked you to accompany him on a double date.

“Pepper,” he said as he followed the woman out of the stadium and toward wherever Happy was waiting to take them home. “What was that?”

“What was what?” Pepper replied, frowning.

“That.” Bruce gestured behind him. Although they could no longer see you, he had no doubt that you were still there trying to maneuver your grandmother through the crowd. “Asking her to come with us to dinner on Wednesday.”

“I thought you knew.”

“I didn’t even know we were supposed to go out to dinner that night. I honestly figured I’d be eating celery sticks alone in the kitchen at 10 PM again.”

Pepper stopped walking so quickly that Bruce nearly ran into her. For half a minute, he remained blinking at her back. Then she turned around, her brown eyes narrowed.

“Tony.”

Although he hated to ask, although Bruce really already knew, he squeezed his eyes shut and shoved his hands in into his pockets. “What about him?”

She heaved a sigh and looked at Bruce with concern flooding her eyes. “Did he tell you about this at all?”

“About the double date? No.”

“I should have known! Why wouldn’t he have had you ask? I just really–” Whatever Pepper was, however, she seemed to be unable to find a word bad enough to describe it. She pressed two fingers to her temple and then exhaled sharply. “Bruce. I’m so sorry. I didn’t–Is this okay?”

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters! I wouldn’t have asked if–Tony said you liked her!”

He had to smile at that. Tony worked quickly, if nothing else good could be said. “Actually, what I said was that I wanted him to drop the whole thing and leave her alone.”

“Oh my god. Bruce. I just–Do you want me to go back and call the whole thing off?”

“Kind of too late for that, isn’t it? They’re probably halfway home by now.”

“But why would Tony lie about that? Don’t answer that. I know. Because–”

“Because I have to learn sometime. So going back and rescinding the invitation won’t do much good. He’ll just make it happen some other way.”

“Are you guys going to get in the car?” Happy asked through an open window.

Pepper held a finger out toward him without even looking at his face. “Just one second, Happy. We’re in the middle of something.”

“Is it Mr. Stark related?”

“Yes.”

“Understood.”

The window rolled right back up. Pepper took a step closer to Bruce, who had to concentrate very hard to not widen the space again. Old habits died hard.

“Bruce, is there anything I can do?”

“Not unless you can actually get Tony to stop, which I doubt.”

She bit her lip and looked up toward the sky. A moment later, Pepper’s eyes focused once again on Bruce as she shook her head. “I can’t think of anything.”

Bruce barked a single laugh. “Yeah, that’s kind of the thing about Tony.”

At last, Pepper turned and opened door to the car. “I’m going to kill him. I’m absolutely going to kill him.”

“Well, if you’re going to go that far,” Bruce said with a wry smile as he followed her inside, “I’d at least like to be present.”

“I’ll let you hold him down.”

“You’re very kind.”

[multiplefandomfics]

Relations 2.0

So guys, this is kinda an alternative to Relations I posted yesterday. This time with a Rogers! Reader. I hope you enjoy.

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warnings: angst, kidnapping, violence, trauma, nightmares, PTSD, unprotected smut, alzheimers, kinda AU

Words: 3702

"How is she today?" you asked your cousin.

"Not much changed. I'm just happy she remembers us." She answered.

"Did she tell you something new?"

"No, not really. You want to go in now?"

"Yes, I don't know but it always makes me happy to see her. No matter what state she's in." You smiled at her.

Peggy was your fathers mother and you loved her. She had taught you and Sharon how to be brave and independent women.

"Hello grandma. How are you doing today?" You sat down next to her.

"Oh, how nice of you to visit me, my dear." She smiled at you. "I slept very well. How was your day?" Peggy might have an illness which ate away at her memories but she was the most courteous person on the planet.

“Oh, you know just as always. S.H.I.E.L.D is definitely keeping me on my feet.” you smiled at her.

“Yes, yes, I can imagine.” she took your hand.

You talked a bit more and listened to stories you had heard a 1000 times before but still enjoyed seeing your grandma so happy.

Then your phone rang.

“Agent Carter? We need you at the facility immediately.”

“I’ll be right there.” you answered.

“Grandma, I’m sorry I gotta go. Duty calls. I'll come back as soon as I can, I promise.” you kissed her on the forehead before you left.

“Good that you are here. We have found something incredible way up north embedded in ice.” Agent Coulson told you and handed you a file.

When you opened it up and saw the pictures you gasped loudly and had the urge to sit down.

The photographs showed your grandfather, frozen in uniform and with the shield. You recognized him immediately.

“Y/N are you alright?” Coulson asked.

The problem was that no one knew your family history. Peggy had kept quiet about her unplanned pregnancy and the whereabouts of the father. She had gotten married while still pregnant and in those times no one questioned that the baby was way early.

“Yes, no, I mean… I don’t know. I can’t believe you found him. Now the nation can finally bury their fallen hero.” you mumbled.

“Oh, you must have misunderstood. Captain Rogers isn’t dead. He’s in recovery.” Coulson explained.

“What? How is that possible?”

“Well the ice must have preserved him and the serum in his veins kept him alive.”

Not even a second later rang Coulson’s phone. An Agent called from Times Square. Steve Rogers had woken up and figured out that something was not right so he escaped the room where he was supposed to recover.

“I need to talk to him. I think I will be able to calm him. This must be awful for him.” you begged Coulson.

“Alright, let’s go. Times Square is just around the corner.” you jumped into your car and drove speeding down the streets of New York.

When you arrived Director Fury had already kinda calmed Steve so you walked over to him.

Nick Fury was the only person in the world outside your family who knew your family's secret. So he didn’t hesitate to let you through.

“Captain Rogers? Would you care to come with me? I'd like to explain everything to you.” you smiled at him.

“Peggy? he asked, astonished. You had never seen too much resemblance between your grandma and yourself but apparently Steve saw it.

“Close. But no. MY name is Y/N Carter. I’m her granddaughter. We have a lot of catching up to do. Want to join me?” he just nodded and followed you.

You drove in silence with about 5 bulletproof dark SUVs following you at close range.

You stopped in front of a S.H.I.E.L.D office and walked inside.

When you closed the door to your office behind you and him the reality of it all finally started to seep into your bones and you started shaking.

He noticed immediately and stepped closer. Ever the gentleman of the 40’s that he was, he asked if you were okay.

“Well there is so much I want to tell you. Actually, I have since I was a child. And I never thought I’d ever get the chance to nor did I think it was my place to tell you. But…” you kept rambling.

“What are you talking about?” he looked confused.

“Okay, here we go. All or nothing.” you mumbled to yourself.

“Peggy is my grandmother, and you are my grandfather.” you finished quietly.

“Excuse me?” he thought he might have misheard you.

“Just after you supposedly died Grandma Peggy found out that she was pregnant. She always said it was a drunken night after Sergeant Barnes died? It’s a secret which almost no one outside of the family knows. I would have let Peggy tell you herself but she has alzheimers and a lot of the time she is not really there anymore.” you explained to him.

“Peggy is still alive? I need to see her.” he picked up on your story.

“But first I’d like to hug my granddaughter if that’s alright by you.” he grinned.

“Ehm, yes sure.” you outstretched your arms and he embraced you. You had never felt so safe in anyone's arms before.

Before anyone could argue with you you had taken Steve to see Peggy in her retirement facility.

“Steve? You’re alive?” she asked in disbelief when she spotted him by her bed. He grinned and bent down to kiss her on the forehead.

“Yes, my love. And I missed you so much. How is my girl today?” he asked her.

“I was never better. Y/N come here darling. Meet your grandfather sweetie.” she spoke slowly in that posh british accent of hers.

“I already have nana and he is just as amazing as you have always told me.” you said while tears were forming in your eyes.

After that conversation you left them alone for a while to talk.

The next few weeks no day passed without you spending time with Steve. Unfortunately you had no contact with your mom or dad anymore. They didn’t want anything to do with you anymore after you had decided on your S.H.I.E.L.D career path.

That had been years ago and you weren’t sad anymore but now you would have wished, for Steve's sake, that he could meet his son.

Maybe someday your dad would be ready for this.

Somehow it came as it had to. People found out about your relation to Captain America and started to bother you immensely.

Then came the point on which it couldn't get any worse.

You came home after a long day of work and just wanted to relax in a bubble bath and then go to bed. But it came differently than you thought.

The moment you opened your door and turned around to shut it an arm closed around your throat and another grabbed for your holstered gun. Your assailant was too strong for you to overpower. You lost consciousness quickly.

When you awoke you were chained to a chair, gagged too.

And then you saw him. Sitting in a corner opposite you. Long dark hair, black mask and tac gear. His left arm was made of metal and wirred when he moved it.

When he noticed you had woken up he stood and walked over to you,

He didn’t say a word and you couldn’t. Otherwise you would have given him a piece of your mind.

You didn’t expect his next move. He took the gag from your mouth and pushed a bottle of water against your lips. You drank greedily because you hadn’t noticed your parched throat before.

“What do you want from me?” you asked after he had taken the bottle away.

“Leverage.” was all he said.

“Are you working for hydra?” you asked. You had had your suspicions for a long time that the agency had been operating from the underground.

He stayed silent and then you felt your mind slip. Of course something must have been in the water.

The next time you came to you heard voices around you but couldn’t focus at first.

When you finally could concentrate you recognized voices you had suspected of being evil before. Alexander Pierce and Brock Rumlow. Idiots! you thought.

“Ah, there she is. Did the soldier take good care of you?” Pierce mocked and you spat at him which earned you a nice backhand to the face from Rumlow.

“Now that we have that out of the way, let us proceed with our plan, shall we?.”

God, how much you hated that douchebag!

They took a video from you probably as leverage. Just as their soldier had told you. What they wanted to blackmail from S.H.I.E.L.D or Steve, you didn’t know.

After they had everything from you they brought you to a room which strongly resembled the cell in an asylum. Thick padded walls you couldn’t hurt yourself on, a small field bed with a blanket and a toilet with a sink in one corner behind a milky screen.

You banged against the walls and door at first to get any kind of attention but after receiving none you decided to leave it be and save your strength.

Hours later a doctor came into the room to take a blood sample from you but you wouldn’t have that so you fought against him until they brought the soldier in to hold you down. That was the first time you saw him after he kidnapped you. And this time he wasn’t wearing a mask. His face was expressionless and his hair was longer than on the pictures you had seen at the museum but the man standing in front of you was undeniably James Barnes. Your grandfather's best friend since childhood who you had believed was dead since 1943.

“Bucky?” you asked and he gave you a confused look. At first you doubted your eyes but you were so sure it was him. “What did you do to him? He is a good man!” you yelled at the doctor who just smiled at you maliciously.

Still struggling in Bucky’s hold the doc took a sample of your blood and they left but not before Bucky threw you one last thoughtful glance.

Days ticked by and nothing happened. You saw someone bring you food twice a day but that was about all the human contact you were given.

You couldn’t stop thinking about your granddad’s best pal being enslaved and obviously brainwashed for God knows how long. It made you so sad to think about his past. What he must have endured in hydra’s grasp.

Then one night suddenly the light in your room changed and you noticed the cause being that the door had been opened. You decided that that was your only chance and snuck out of the room. You tried to find orientation points in the weird and long hallways. But you noticed every time you didn’t know where to go, a door opened somewhere.

Just for a second you contemplated if this might have been a sick trap but you still followed it because, what did you have to lose?

When you stepped through the last door you heard someone call your name.

“Y/N! Over here!” Not 10 meters away from you stood Steve in full gear.

“Steve! Thank God you found me. Did you open all these doors?”

“Doors? What? No. I haven’t even been inside yet.” he looked at you as if you had lost your mind.

“Then who paved the way for me?” you thought out loud. Until it suddenly hit you. “Bucky!” you yelled.

“What? Are you alright? Bucky has been dead for decades.” Steve informed you.

“No you don’t understand. He is here. He must have been the one to help me. We have to find him.” you turned around and ran back inside faster than Steve could grab you.

“Y/N no!” he yelled and ran after you.

Suddenly you stopped dead in your tracks and Steve almost ran you over. 5 meters in front of you stood a dark figure, not moving a muscle.

“Bucky?” you called lowly.

Steve tensed up behind you. He too had recognized his old pal.

“Buck?” He whispered, shocked.

“Come on Bucky. We have to get out of here. And thank you for helping me.” you smiled and stretched your arm out.

He took the invitation and slowly walked towards you. Together you got out of the building and headed toward the pickup spot where the jet waited.

Bucky had still not said a word. While Steve flew the plane you sat down next to Bucky who seemed lost in thought. He didn’t notice you sliding into the seat next to him until you laid your hand on his thigh. “Buck? How do you feel?”

“Confused. I can’t believe that I am not under their control anymore.” he said.

“You are safe now. I promise we will take care of you. S.H.I.E.L.D will help you get back on your feet. You are a hero.”

“No, not S.H.I.E.L.D. They have been infiltrated by hydra. You saw Pierce and Rumlow. We can’t trust anyone.” he yelled, almost panicked.

“You are right. Steve, where are we headed?” you called out to your pilot for the moment.

“I was about to get us to Washington D.C.. S.H.I.E.L.D HQ. But now that I heard what you said I think it might be best to find a different place. So Y/N where to? Do you have a plan b?”

“In fact I do. Keep going, I'll send the coordinates right to you.” you ordered.

3 hours later you landed at a farm.

“Clint. It’s good to see you.” you said and wrapped the archer in a tight hug.

“How is the family?” you tried to make conversation.

“Good as always. So what’s the deal with this?” he asked back.

“Well, you know Captain Rogers and this is Sergeant James Barnes. It’s a long story but we need a place to lay low for a while that S.H.I.E.L.D doesn’t know about.”

“Ah, so you thought of me. Naturally. Alright, come on in, dinner should be ready soon and Laura always makes too much.”

Dinner had been great and now you were sitting on the porch with a glass of wine just relaxing and telling Clint everything. You trusted him with all your heart. Him, Natasha Romanoff and Nick Fury.

“So S.H.I.E.L.D is hydra now?” he asked, confused.

“Well yes but it seems hydra was always sleeping just under the surface waiting for the right moment to strike.” you clarified.

“So what do you intend to do next?” he asked again.

“Well, I have already sent an encrypted message to Nick Fury. He will know how to proceed from her on. Then we need to grab hydra by the roots and pull them out. If that doesn’t work we need all the help we can get to take down everything. S.H.I.E.L.D, hydra, all of it.” you described.

“Buck, what can you tell us about their plan?”

Bucky took a deep breath and started to recite everything that he knew or had gathered. Good thing that no one had actually thought to mind their words around him because they always thought he couldn’t do anything with that knowledge anyways.

“So they want to erase millions of people who do not follow their ideology? And they want to use helicarriers with active weapon systems?” you summarized Bucky’s information. “We have to stop this! But we need a solid plan. I suggest we wait for a message from Fury. He might know what to do.” you proposed.

“I agree. If we run in there unprepared people might die.” Steve approved.

So you had not much more to do than wait.

That evening you tried to fall asleep in the guest bedroom but that was almost impossible. You had listened to Steve leaving the house to go for a run about 30 minutes before. So he couldn’t sleep either.

Then, just before sleep invaded your mind you heard noises which sounded like whimpering so you got up quickly and walked downstairs, gun raised.

You found out fast that the noise came from a restlessly sleeping Bucky on the much too small couch.

Worried that he might be distressed and would fall back into his old habits you sat down next to the couch stroking hair out of his face. “Bucky? You’re okay. You’re safe now.” you whispered. He opened his eyes and looked at you.

You didn’t expect him to lean in close and brush his lips to yours.

He pulled back abruptly when he noticed you being completely taken by surprise. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” he sat up and buried his face in his hands.

“No, it’s okay Bucky. I understand you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it, I just wasn’t expecting that.” he looked up hesitantly.

“In fact I wouldn’t mind you doing it again.” you smiled at him mischievously.

Without saying another word he pulled you in again. You climbed into his lap all while never breaking the kiss. Until you had to come up for air.

“Wow, you really know how to do that.” you stated.

“Did you want to go further?” you asked him carefully.

“I wouldn’t mind. I just wanna feel something nice again.” he confessed before pulling you in for a kiss again.

You made out like that for a while, grinding on each other like some horny teenagers. Until his hand slipped into your panties stroking your mound and you started mewling like a kitten in heat.

Your hands fumbled clumsily with his boxers and he helped you push them down enough for his cock to spring free.

Pulling your panties to the side you sunk down on him. This time the sex was not about sensuality it was supposed to be quick comfort. The emotional crap could come later.

You rose onto your knees and dropped back onto his generous length.

“Fuck!” you breathed out. Burying your head in his shoulder so you wouldn’t wake anyone still sleeping.

You were so deeply immersed in your lovemaking you didn’t hear the door open.

“Really? On the couch? Seriously?” you almost jumped off of Bucky at the sound of your grandfather’s hushed voice.

“I’m sorry Steve.” Bucky whispered. And you could tell he was more than close so you kept rocking back and forth on his lap. Steve, noticing that you wouldn’t stop, just turned around and went upstairs with the words “I’ll sleep in your bed then.”

Once he was gone you were finally able to lose yourself in Bucky again.

It didn’t take long for him to reach his high and the moment you felt him shoot his load inside you you couldn’t hold on anymore and the knot burst.

You dropped onto the seat next to Bucky, catching your breath.

“Thank you for that.” he leaned his head back and tucked himself back into his pants.

“No need to thank me. I really like you Buck and I hope that this won’t be a one time thing.” you smiled at him hopefully.

“So do I, but I don’t know if I am good enough for you. I’ve done so much evil in my life. You deserve so much better.” Suddenly he looked so sad again.

“Hey. Look at me Bucky!” you ordered him, grabbing for his face. “What happened to you is not your fault. You were trapped in your own body and you deserve the world. Never think any less of yourself because of your past! You are the reason I am free now. You have saved Steve’s ass more than he probably knows. We love you Bucky and I mean that. You know that my grandma did not only talk a lot about Steve but about you too? You left such an impression on her that even now in her alzheimer ridden mind she still sometimes talks about you. What a gentleman you always were. Handsome, sweet and clever. And I could not dream of someone better than you.” You kissed him deeply with all the emotion you could muster and hoped he would understand.

“Are you sure?” his insecurities were killing you. Peggy had always mentioned the ladies man that he had been but that lay 70 years behind and it broke your heart to see him like this.

“100% sure darling. Now let’s try to catch at least a few more hours of sleep until sunrise.” another kiss later and you had cuddled together on the still too small couch. This time you fell asleep quickly and felt safe by his side.

Two days later Fury had gotten you a plan. Maria Hill would meet you in a sewer system at the edge of D.C. She handed you three computer chips to override the helicarriers weapon systems manually.

The people from hydra, working inside S.H.I.E.L.D did not expect this attack just when project inside was about to launch.

So when the helicarriers had come crashing down on D.C. and every single hydra agent had been taken in custody was it finally time to calm down and get everything in order.

Facing the facts Bucky still needed therapy and someone to look over his conditioning and the damage hydra had done to him. But you were sure to find someone with a solution somewhere. Until then you tried to get used to having a 100 something year old grandfather and his just as old best friend for a boyfriend.

You didn’t know where you were headed but you liked the thought of finding out.

[kirstinmaldonado]

Chapter Four 2.0

Is it just me or are the alarming numbers of posts about weight gain or weight loss in this time freaking everyone out? I know I’m not innocent; I’ve definitely joked about my personal quarantine-15 as well, blindingly attempting to hide my own insecurities with it through humor.

But if I see another “Carbie” or changed photo online insinuating weight gain, I might cry.

It’s hard enough trying to “make the most” of your time, even if you’re riddled with it. If you read my last post, you’d think by now I’d be the fit, Spanish-speaking, piano-playing, singer-songwriter that Week 1 Kwarantine Kirstie dreamed of. As we know, I’ve “fallen off.”

But have I? Is this really the age we’re in? Where in a global pandemic we still feel the urge to get a thousand things done in the mere 24 hours we get a day? 

That societal pressures are so prominent that we all joke together about how much weight we’ll gain? And where posts scream at you with side by side pictures of extreme weight loss, expecting you to not only have your life together but lose weight with all this “extra time?”

I digress. I can’t do it all and keep my mental health in check.

People are either finding new or returning to hobbies to distract themselves from what is going on right now, and that’s great. If yours is that home workout, I applaud you!! Keep at it! It’s so good for your mental and physical health, I know I need to be more on top of it! 

If it’s reading a little, spring cleaning, whatever it is that you are able to accomplish, I am proud of you! If you’ve been able to dig in and uncover a goal you’d not been able to achieve before, don’t let this or anything hold you back! I hope to get to that mindset and I feel I am on my way!

But in the meantime, I’ve been baking, and since there’s only two people in the house it’s, y’know, not ideal for the waistline.

But here’s my deal. I’m coping. When I went to the grocery store a few weeks ago and saw empty shelves, I cried and went to the baking aisle to get decorations and proper ingredients for the baking I was planning on doing. My hands have been stained with food color more often than not within just this last week, as I baked for friends’ birthdays in quarantine and for Easter.

And that’s okay! I am adapting.

You know why I stopped baking so much in the first place? I ran out of time. When I’d be home from tour I wanted to relax more than work all night in the kitchen. I wanted to spend quality time enjoying others’ company rather than cleaning pots and pans all night. But I’ve realized now more than ever that baking just brings me this sense of happiness, like I’m sure other things do for you guys.

There’s a rhythm to baking, how you mix it. You can’t rush the process, ‘cause the icing will melt if your treat hasn’t cooled. There’s a sense of calm patience I enjoy that is hard to replicate. And then the decorating taps in to my artistic side, and depending on how I’m feeling I’m either slathering that icing on freely or delicately decorating with pearl accents and made-from-chocolate flourish!

Baking brings me back to Nana’s and Grandma’s kitchens. My favorite thing was baking with them, rolling dough, watching them and learning! As I grew older, got my own place, that feeling of baking and care-taking made me happy. Baked goods always have a lot of love in them, I feel, and is this not a time to put a smile on peoples’ faces? Why not do what I love on Easter and bake a whole cake, a hobby that reminds me of my family that I miss so much and can’t be with?

I don’t want all this to sound like an explanation for my recent eating choices. You’re not my food journal. And even though I’ve dipped away from my goals and feel a little disappointment, I know I was cathartic baking and so accept the consequences of my actions. The point is to recognize and move forward.

I also don’t want this to be like every “how/why not to gain weight in quarantine” post, because I don’t know how to do that.

With all the stress on how this would progress, I don’t blame myself or anyone for freaking out when they saw empty shelves and grabbing the closest thing they could find that has a decent shelf-life (Kraft Mac n Cheese…). The real hurdle here, my point, is just making sure you’re being healthy to yourself.

If you want some red wine, go for it. If you want to treat yourself, okay! These things are all fine in doses as long as you don’t transform your habits from healthy to unhealthy.

I have binged before. I have purged before. I have had the most unhealthy views of my body before. I still battle with it. But within this last year I have gained so much knowledge about how my body operates. I have fed it cleaner food and seen how it’s transformed my mind, body, and spirit. I have worked SO hard and done two a days. It’s not always the easiest, but I spent quality time taking care of myself.

All that to say, my initial 2020 goals were to remain on track and healthy to myself. This is THE year, I thought.

Coronavirus put a…twist on my goals. I haven’t been fussing about the wine I’ve had, or the goodies I’ve made, as I focused more on my mental health. I am glad I let myself just be. It really helped. But it’s mid week five and we have five more weeks ahead of us at least. And as I started looking at myself in the mirror, or flipping through Instagram, I could feel my anxiety creep up again. So I made that dreaded trip to the scale and got out my measuring tape which I’d used before to track progress.

And you know what? I gained inches. I gained weight. 

Did it make me…kinda sad? Yes. I felt disappointed as if all my hard work last year was for naught.

But…I gained weight in a global pandemic.

In the big picture of things, how fortunate am I to have the resources to feed myself. To gain weight. 

All these ads, all the modified pictures which are ACTUALLY kinda fat-shaming, all this panic of gaining weight is so triggering while everyone is just trying to keep relatively afloat. It feels insensitive. I can’t flip through Instagram without seeing people capitalizing on the situation. “Lost 20lbs with this amazing home workout plan and tea” or diets to take care of the “stubborn fat you’ll have” when this ends. It’s toxic for those that battle with eating disorders or body dysmorphia. It’s toxic for those that are just able to get what they can. There’s enough stress already! We are staying inside and at home for a REASON. If you have the luxury to gain a few pounds while you’re safer at home, good for you. Don’t be so hard on yourself as you try to mitigate a PANDEMIC.

I am trying not to be. I am re-adjusting how I’m working out so it fits more in line with my aesthetic goals. We are almost done eating the carrot cake from Easter (yikes, I know, already, it was too good). 

All I hope for myself, and for you all, is that you don’t fall in to unhealthy ways, mentally or physically. It’s a battle, especially in this time, I know! I’ll be the first to say I haven’t been my best. Gaining some pounds isn’t unhealthy itself, but can manifest into bad habits in this isolation like binging or an overall sedentary, unmotivated lifestyle.

If you’re moving, you’re getting a little sun, and you are staying safe and healthy, you’re gonna be okay. Don’t let little personal fluctuations alarm you and derail who you are and what you’ve worked for. The world is fluctuating with you, so you are constantly having to adapt!

I’m going to make a better effort to not coop myself inside, be aware if I’m overdoing the emotionally eating, and feed my body in all the right ways. Mind. Body. Spirit. Besides that, it’s just taking one day at a time.

I hope you all are safe and healthy. I hope you all are still believing and trying your best. <3

[wonderful-writer]

10 - Biological Warfare

Summary: Murphy returns to camp with a virus that renders the camp vulnerable to a grounder attack, and Y/n realizes something she should’ve seen a long while ago.

Word Count: 3.20k

Based Off: 01x10 “I Am Become Death”

A/N: So i forgot to queue this post yesterday before i went to bed and now it’s 3 hours late so enjoy :)

The next morning, you, Clarke, Bellamy, Finn, Raven and a handful of other delinquents were heading out to the crash site to investigate. Bellamy tried to talk to you multiple times throughout the trip, along with Clarke, but you and Finn ignored them and Raven and walked together instead.

As you looked around, Finn pointed out that neither you or Clarke should be here.

“Clarke’s mom was on the ship, and y/n’s dad and grandmother were, too. They’re looking for answers.” Raven explained. “You wanna help them? Find me the black box, hard drives, anything that will explain why the ship crashed.”

“Stay sharp.” Bellamy told everyone. “Grounder retaliation for what happened on the bridge is coming, it’s just a matter of when.”

“Can you blame them?” You asked him.

“No, I blame you.” He sassed back.

“Maybe if you didn’t bring guns-” Finn was cut off by Raven.

“If we didn’t bring guns, we all would’ve been killed.”

“Why they’re coming doesn’t matter anymore.” Bellamy pointed out. “It’s our job to be ready when they do. We’re on our own now.”

You tuned the world out and looked at the burnt corpses, wondering which of them was your grandmother, and which was your father. You realised now that maybe you should’ve taken your grandmother's offer and talked with your dad, because now it was too late.

“You would’ve loved him, nana.” You looked up at the sky, deciding that looking at the bodies wasn’t going to do much for you, especially if it wasn’t the body of your beloved grandmother. It would’ve been weird if you said that to some technician you didn’t know.

You wiped a tear that had begun to fall and clutched your necklace. You looked back up when Raven, Finn, and Bellamy made their way to you and Clarke, who had been a few paces ahead of you.

“It’s hydrazine. Highly unstable in its solid form. If this stuff meets fire, we’re all pink mist.” Raven informed her. She dipped a rock in a puddle that had gathered, standing up and shouting, “Fire in the hole!” And tossed it into a distant fire, before causing a mediocre explosion.

“We need to clear the area.” She instructed Bellamy, who nodded at her.

“We move in formation, no straggling, weapons hot. We’ve got to get back before dark.” He shouted over to the others that you brought along, everyone following his lead.

When you arrived back at camp the next morning, everyone told you and Bellamy that Murphy was back and in the dropship. Bellamy angrily stomped into the dropship, demanding to see him.

You expected the usual, cocky Murphy, but you saw the exact opposite. Murphy was cowering in a corner as a small group of people surrounded him, basically beaten to pulp. The small crowd stepped to the side at Bellamy's appearance, who looked shocked to see Murphy in the condition he was in.

“Everyone but Connor and Derek, out. Now!” The others scrambled out of the dropship, leaving you, Clarke, Finn, Murphy, and Connor and Derek.

“He claims he was with the grounders.” Derek spoke first.

“We caught him trying to sneak back into camp.” Connor glared.

“I wasn’t sneaking.” Murphy muttered from his spot on the floor. “I was running from the grounders.”

“Anyone see any grounders?” Bellamy asked angrily, to which Connor and Derek shook their heads. “Well in that case,” Bellamy raised his gun to shoot Murphy, but Finn pushed it down.

“Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?” He asked the man.

“We were clear what would happen if he came back.” He shouted, raising his gun again. But this time, Finn stepped in front of the barrel. You took the time to stand in front of Murphy and get a closer look as they shouted at one another.

He flinched as you bent down to his level, but you put your hands out to assure you weren’t there to hurt him, even if you really wanted to.

You inspected his various wounds and lightly grabbed his hands, taking note of his missing fingernails. “Clarke, come look at this.”

She moved to squat next to you and looked at his fingernails as well.

“Clarke, think about Charlotte!” Bellamy yelled.

“I am thinking about her, but what happened to Charlotte was as much our fault as it is his.” She commented, sending a shiver down your spine.

“He’s not lying,” You defended Murphy. “His fingernails were torn off. They tortured him.”

“You and the grounders should compare notes.” Finn commented snarkily.

“The grounders know we’re at war.” Bellamy snapped back. “What did you tell them about us?” He shouted at Murphy.

“Everything.” Murphy replied in a broken tone. You and Clarke stood up in fear, but she turned to Bellamy and you just glanced around with arms crossed.

“Once he’s better, we find out what he knows, and then he’s out of here. Okay?” She compromised with Bellamy.

“And what if he refuses to leave?” Bellamy asked as she started to leave. “What do we do with him then?”

“Then we kill him.” She responded, turning back around and leaving the dropship. You followed after her and went to visit Jasper at his guard post, but he decided not to talk to you, so you went to find Monroe to ask her about what happened by the fire on Unity Day.

“Oh my God, Y/n! Your eyes!” She exclaimed, grabbing half of the camp’s attention. You felt hazy but reached a hand up to your cheek, pulling away to see blood coating your fingertips. You stumbled over to her just in time for Bellamy to exit the dropship, and for you to collapse into her arms.

She helped lower you to the ground and you pushed her body away before proceeding to cough up an unusual amount of blood. Connor and Derek began to do the same, but Bellamy still made his way towards you.

“Holy shit, Y/n, are you okay?” He asked you. You tried to push him away, still mad about yesterday, but you were too weak and gave up. He carried you up to the dropship, not concerned about catching whatever you had.  

He set you down on the table where you were about a week ago, asking Clarke what was happening as she demanded he stay back.

“Biological warfare.” She responded gravely. “You were waiting for the grounders to retaliate for the bridge? This is it. And Murphy is the weapon.”

Your body was reacting worse to whatever illness Murphy gave you worse than Clarke, but you didn’t know why. You sat up from the table you were on and stumbled over to the nearest wall, watching as Connor seized and eventually died.

The thought of the same thing happening to you scared both you and Bellamy, who noticed you had gotten up when you coughed again. You clutched your waist and he made his way over to you to help you stand, much like he did on Unity Day.

“Round up anyone who had contact with Murphy. Bring them here. And everyone Connor, Derek, Y/n, and me had contact with as well.” She instructed Finn, watching as he left the dropship, before turning to you and Bellamy.

“Bellamy, you really shouldn’t be touching her-” She moved towards them and attempted to take you into her arms as you coughed again.

“Clarke, I’ll be fine.”

“You could get sick-”

“I said, I'll be fine.” He interrupted, voice dripping with authority. She sighed and gave up, turning to ask Connor who Murphy had contact with. His response scared Bellamy, who gently put you against the wall and looked at you once more before rushing out to get his sister.

“Clarke,” You rasped. She turned to you and bent down to meet your eyes. “Why am I worse than you? You were with Murphy the same time I was.”

“I-I don’t know, Y/n. It might be because you have a weakened immune system, or because your stab wound is still healing. It could be anything.” Other people started to file in as they caught the virus, Bellamy standing near Octavia as Clarke examined her, a cloth over his mouth and nose.

Bellamy glanced over at your tired form before leaving the dropship, while Octavia followed his eyes. You were lazily propped up against the wall, pale and sweaty, with an arm draped across your middle. Octavia’s eyes grew wide as you began to cough up your own blood, rushing to help you.

She helped lower you onto your side, rubbing your back as you gagged and coughed up even more blood into a puddle on the dropship floor. You groaned in pain at the unpleasant feeling of throwing up your own blood, but became grateful that it was soon over for the time being.

“Octavia, you could get sick. Get away from me.” You mumbled, blood coating your lips as you attempted to push her away.

“I’ll be fine. Clarke said I’m asymptomatic or whatever.” She responded as she set you against the wall. She was called away by Clarke and you watched her leave the dropship, eyelids heavy.

You only ever woke up when you had to cough up more of your own blood, which meant nearly twice every hour you were in a lot of pain from the heaving. After that, either Murphy or Octavia, usually the latter, would come to bring you a cup of water and you would pass out again. You were better soon, though, and was limited to helping those around you.

However, when you saw Bellamy come into the dropship and be laid down on a bed, you broke almost every rule and got up, stumbling over to the man. Bellamy closed his eyes by the time you got there, sitting by his head on the same side as Octavia.

Someone else started to cough uncontrollably, so you assured Octavia that you would take care of Bellamy while she took care of the others with Murphy. You took the cloth from her hand as she rushed over to the delinquent, and resumed wiping the blood from his face and nose. You hated to see him like this, although you weren’t much better.

Just the thought of anything happening to Bellamy at all terrified you, and you didn’t have a clue as to why. You pushed back the anxiety and tears as you wiped away the sweat that was collecting on Bellamy’s forehead, sniffling to keep it at bay.

It wasn’t long after that Bellamy woke up again, and you signalled Murphy to get him a cup of water. “Get the hell away from me,”

“Bellamy, stop.” You said from behind him. He looked over at you and felt a great sense of relief. “You’re sick, and Murphy’s just trying to help. He’s been helping everyone in here, including me, since he was well enough to.”

“When I get better, if you’re still here-” Bellamy began to threaten.

“You know what, Murphy? I got this one.” He looked to you and left to help out with Clarke, who began to get better not long after you did. You were still pale, but you weren’t coughing up any blood.

“Here,” You handed him the cup of water. He took it and looked you up and down.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked.

“Don’t worry about me, Bell. I’m fine. Clarke said I can go sometime tomorrow, but I don’t think I’ll be leaving here until you’re okay.”

“You know you don’t have to do that, right?”

“It’s fine, Bellamy.” You put a hand on his arm to assure him. “Think of it as a thank you for both of the times you saved my life.”

He smiled and sipped on the water before asking if you had seen Octavia.

“She was up all night helping out, Murphy gave her a break.”

“Don’t tell me you trust him now.” Bellamy deadpanned.

“Trust him? After what he did? No. Not at all. But Clarke believes that we should give him a second chance.” Bellamy rolled his eyes and looked around, pointing out that it was almost dawn.

“We better get everyone inside. If we close the doors, maybe the grounders’ll think we’re not home.”

“Not everyone is sick. We can’t risk it.” You denied his suggestion.

“Sick is better than dead.” He countered seriously.

“You don’t think Finn and Jasper are gonna pull it off.” You realized.

“Do you?” He asked.

“I may be mad him right now, but he’s still my brother.” Was your response.

“I’ll get everyone inside,” Clarke sighed as she overheard your conversation while passing by.

There was a pause in yours and Bellamy’s conversation, a comfortable silence. He looked longingly over to you, and you looked down at your hands before meeting his gaze. He could see the worry in your eyes, and your shaking hands gave away your well-hidden anxiety.

“We’ll be fine, princess.” You sighed shakily at his words and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. You were terrified that you were going to die soon, and you felt comforted in Bellamy’s arms as they wrapped around your torso.

You were reminded of the fact that both your grandmother and father were dead, leaving you virtually alone, for lack of a better term. The tears dripped slowly from your eyes and landed on Bellamy’s jacket as he rubbed your back.

Soon, everyone who was able had gathered outside as the bomb went off.

“They did it.” Clarke gasped as the mushroom cloud grew larger in the air.

“I am become death. Destroyer of worlds.” You quoted as Bellamy looked at you. “It’s Oppenheimer. The man who built the first-” You mumbled when you glanced back at him.

“Yeah, I know who Oppenheimer is.” Bellamy commented with a smirk, causing you to smile back at him.

By midday, Clarke said you were well enough to leave the dropship, along with herself and a handful of others. You still planned on taking care of Bellamy, however, because that’s what you promised to do. But, by some miracle, he was okay, too.

You watched him go outside of the wall with a few others, leaving you to think about all that’s happened since you arrived on Earth. One of your arms was crossed as the other rested on it, hand reaching up to twist your locket. You sat at the fire with a couple of other people, Harper being one of them.

You began to think more and more about Bellamy and how you treated each other, realizing that you both treated each other differently than you did anyone else in camp. You didn’t even treat Jasper the same way you treated Bellamy. You got lost in your thoughts as the came back to your mother, and some advice she had given you when you were young, advice you didn’t understand until now.

“Mom, what’s love?”

“My little bug, you’re too young to know this now, but when you’re in love, and mean deeply in love, you can feel it.”

“But how?”

“Well, you would do anything for the person you love, even if you got in trouble for it. You smile every time you see them, and you get a tingling feeling in your tummy.” She smiled. “You couldn’t think about living without them, not for a second. When you’re upset, they make you smile, and when you cry, they help you wipe your tears.”

“And sometimes falling in love is quick and fast, and you don’t see it until you’re already at the bottom, and sometimes it’s slow and beautiful. They brighten up every room they walk into and show you how pretty and amazing life can be. Darling, if you ever find a love like that, never ever let it go.”

You gasped quietly as you pulled yourself from your thoughts, standing from your spot at the fire. You quietly excused yourself as everyone looked at you, rushing to get to Jasper and Monty’s tent as fast as you could.

You stumbled inside, almost tripping on the tent flap. “Jasper! Jasper oh my God!”

The man in question looked up at you from his spot on the bed. “What? What is it? Are we under attack-?” You sat him back down as he rose before beginning to pace.

“No, no, nothing like that.” You spoke quickly.

“I understand it now.” You spoke fast, in a desperate haste to get the words out.  “I mean he’s different when he’s around me, he makes me happy, he comforts me when I cry, and- and- God! How did I not see it before!” You groaned, still pacing.

Jasper stood in front of you and put his hands on your shoulders, stopping you in your tracks.

“Y/n, what in the world are you talking about?” He asked.

You sighed and a queasy smile crossed your lips. “I’m in love with Bellamy Blake.” You admitted, hands thrown up in a sort of shrug.

Jasper looked at you in annoyance as he let his hands fall back to his sides. “Congratulations, you’re officially the last person to know.”

He turned back to sit down on his bed and you looked at him, bug-eyed and almost choking on your own saliva. “I’m sorry, what?!”

“Y/n, everyone in camp can see that you love him. It’s not like you’re hiding it.” He chuckled. You put your hands on the top of your head in stress.

“Do you think he knows?” You asked in a slight whisper.

“Bellamy?” You nodded. “No way. You’d think he would’ve figured it out with all the staring he does, but I think he’s too oblivious to see it. What I do know, along with everyone else in camp, is that he loves you too. He just doesn’t see it.”

You groaned at Jasper’s answer, and his only response was to laugh. You gave up and went to your own tent, collapsing into your bed. Things were going to be tougher around camp - and not just because of the grounders.

Taglist: @soullessbabee | @hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis | @dummythiccwitch | @sireddobrev | @gxvrielle

[onceuponastory]

Coming Back Home Chapter One: Hometown (Nick x Y/N)

Plot: Six years ago, Y/N left her hometown and all its bad memories behind, and never looked back. But now, she’s come back to be the maid of honour in her sister’s wedding. Returning ‘home’ means she has to confront her past, the last thing she wants to do. When she meets the handsome best man Nick, she feels more comfortable...until her sister asks her to show Nick around town...a town that Y/N fell out of love with a long time ago.

Can Y/N fall back in love with the town she left behind, and maybe find love of her own along the way? Important: This story is based on a prompt by @orphicodysseywrites​. It’s a mix of prompts one and two from this post, so full credit for this idea goes to them! Warnings: None A/N: My first fic based on one of Dacre’s characters! I hope you all enjoy it. I’ve checked it for spelling issues and stuff like that. However, I’ve been working really hard on this, and working in real life, so I may have missed some issues. In that case, if you see any issues, no you didn’t, lmao. Also, although this fic has Nick in it, it has no spoilers for The Broken Hearts Gallery! To be honest, Nick is in this just because the plot fits him the best! let’s be honest, this prompt does not fit Billy lmaooo

Special thanks goes to my best friend Jo, aka @thesundrop​, who made this banner, and helped so much with planning this fic. Some of you may know her as @staticscreenwriting​, where she writes Billy fics. Check them out, they’re amazing!

Disclaimer: I don’t own Nick or his character! Like I said, I just used Nick bc he’s the only character of Dacre’s that fits this prompt. Again, aside from Nick being in this, this fic has NOTHING to do with The Broken Hearts Gallery. But you should all go see the movie because it’s adorable!

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are about to begin our descent towards the airport. Please place all tray tables and seats in the upright position, stow away any laptops or other electrical equipment, and remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened.” The flight attendant chirpily announces over the intercom, and I let out the sigh I didn’t even know I was holding. In a short while, I’d be on my way back to Saint Chase, the place I thought I’d never set foot in again. I had left that place behind years ago and moved to New York City, hoping that the bad memories from that town didn’t follow me there. And for the most part, they didn’t. However, since my younger sister was getting married there in three weeks, and I was the maid of honour, I obviously couldn’t turn it down. I love my sister, of course I do, and of course I wanted to see her again and take part in such a special moment of her life...I just wish she’d picked somewhere else to get married. Sooner than I’d have liked, the plane lands, and after collecting my luggage, I walk into arrivals. I don’t even have to look around the room before I hear:

“Y/N!!! Hi!” My younger sister Katie calls across to me. She bounds up to me and wraps her arms around me before I can even react. I immediately smell her fruity perfume. It smells familiar. It smells like home. “How was your flight? I hope it was good. I thought we were going to be late getting here, but thankfully traffic wasn’t too bad.” She continues chattering away, and I smile. Katie was a ball of energy in a 5′4 tall body, and that’s partly why I love her so much.

“Katie. Breathe.” I giggle, and she stops.

“Sorry! I know I get carried away sometimes. Anyway, you remember Adam, right? He-”

“Yes, Katie, I remember your fiancé. The same fiancé that you’re getting married to in three weeks.” I tease, and she flashes pink. “Hi, Adam.” I hold out my hand for a handshake, but he pulls me into a hug too.

“Come on Y/N.” He tells me, giving me a warm smile. “We’re almost family, you can give me a hug.” Weirdly, hugging Adam felt like home too. As they both lead me out of the airport towards their car, holding hands and chatting the entire way, I can’t help but smile. They really were perfect for each other. They were the typical high school sweethearts, who had been together since they met seven years ago. And now here they were, about to get married. I used to think true love, that sappy kind in movies where the guy is so squeaky clean that there’s nothing wrong with him, and who’d drop everything for the girl he loves didn’t exist (and the boyfriends I’d had over the years definitely helped me believe that). But when I saw how happy Katie was with Adam, how she gushed about him constantly, and just how happiness beamed out of her every time she was near him or talking about him, I began to realise that maybe that kind of love did exist after all. If only I could find it.

~~~

“We’re almost here, girls.” Adam announces, and I feel my stomach turning into knots. Is it too late to leap out of the car and make a run for it? But then I see Katie’s face in the rearview mirror, and I know I can’t do that to her. So I grimace and say how wonderful being so close is instead.

“So, are the three of us staying in the hotel then?” I ask, taking a gulp of my tea. I was going to book a room there myself, but Katie and Adam had told me they’d take care of accommodation, and despite my initial misgivings, I decided to trust my sister.

“Well, we actually have a surprise...” Katie begins. “We’ve done up Nana’s house, and that’s where we’ll be staying! Isn’t it great? It’s going to be such a great bonding experience!” I almost choke on my tea. Maybe I should’ve listened to my gut and just booked into the hotel after all.

“Wh-What?” I ask, spluttering a little.

“Yeah, Adam and I thought about it, and we thought it would be better. I mean, it’s cheaper for a start, and it’s so nostalgic! Getting married in the town Adam and I grew up in and staying in the house you and I grew up in!” She squeals excitedly.

“Katie, no...I didn’t even-”

“Ooh, we’re here!” Katie cuts me off and looks out her window. “Look! There’s the diner! And the library! Remember when Nana used to read to us there every day after school? Aw, it was so cute.” She grins, and I sit back in my seat, trying to avoid glancing out of the window. “And there’s the bakery! They’re making the cake for our wedding, so I know it’ll be sublime. Y/N, remember those chocolate cupcakes they have? So good right? Oooh, we should get some later for dessert babe!” She tells Adam, who nods. I should’ve known that we’d be staying in Nana’s old house. But typical me seemed to block that part out with every other thing I wanted to forget about this town. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice the buildings of the town begin to fade away and become replaced by pine trees. Nana’s house was on the outskirts of town, before the forest, so I knew that we were close.

After a few more minutes, the car turns, and I hear the sound of gravel crunching beneath the wheels. Nana’s house had a gravel drive, so it was obvious that we had arrived. The car stops, and we all get out. Nana’s house looked almost the same as it did when I left four years ago. The roses around the door were still there, as well as all the lavender bushes in her front garden. All that looked different was the colour of the front door. Katie did a good job. The house still looked like something out of a fairytale storybook, somewhere where seven dwarves or three bears could live comfortably for many years...or maybe where a grandmother raised her two granddaughters. But how familiar the house looked did little to quell my unwillingness to stay there.

“Good to be back, right?” Adam asks, giving me a smile. Trying to avoid showing my unhappiness, I nod and force a small smile. Thankfully, Adam doesn’t seem to notice. He walks up to Katie, picks her up, and carries her over the threshold of the house.

“No! Adam! You’re meant to do this AFTER we get married!” Katie giggles and squeals, squirming about in Adam’s arms. “Y/N, help!” she calls, disappearing into the house.

“Sorry, Katie, you’re on your own!” I call back. And then, I’m alone, staring up at the house where I spent most of my life...and where I swore I’d never go again. A cold chill spreads across my body, and I can’t tell if it’s the wind or my nerves.

It’s going to be a long three weeks.

~~~

A Few Hours Later 

I was settled into my old bedroom from when I was younger, and was laying on my bed, scrolling through my phone. Suddenly: “Knock knoooock!” A sing-song voice sounds from the other side of my bedroom door.

“Come in, Katie.”

“Aw, how’d you know it was me?” Chuckling, I open the door. Katie stands there, pouting.

“Well for a start, that’s what you did when we were kids, and you wanted to show me something...and you did it when we were teenagers too. I’m your big sister Katie. I know you.”

“You’re only two years older than me!”

“That still makes me smarter than you.” I tease, winking. Sighing, Katie laughs.

“Yeah, you’re right. I can’t get anything past you, can I?”

“Nope! Anyway, what’s up?”

“Nick’s almost here. We’re all going to pick him up from the train station and get dinner, so you two can get to know each other before the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. Ah, it’s going to be great!” She squeals excitedly. Meanwhile, I’m just confused.

“...Nick?”

“Y/N.” Katie is suddenly more serious, which is totally unlike her. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten who Nick is!” My blank stare makes her sigh. “You know, Nick!” She stresses his name like I should know it, and like I’ve committed a felony by forgetting it. But nothing springs to mind, so I stay silent. Katie huffs. “Nick is Adam’s best man. They met in college. They were roommates. He’s coming down early to help set up, and so you two can get to know each other. Sounds like you two getting to know each other is desperately needed.”

“Oh...right.” I respond, and she rolls her eyes. It was quite strange, seeing my ordinarily happy and energetic sister be so serious.

“Anyway, he’s going to be here soon, so you better get ready. And remember, you two are important parts of this wedding, AND you two are dancing together too, so please be nice to him.”

“Well, there go my plans to punch him in the face as soon as I meet him.” I joke.

“Y/N!” Katie whines. “That’s not funny! It’s my wedding at stake!”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” I give her a hug. “I love you. I know how important this is to you. I won’t let anything bad happen. I promise.”

“Thanks sis.” Katie replies. “Anyway, come on, we’re leaving in ten minutes.” She orders, walking towards the door.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Oh! I forgot to tell you! Nick’s going to be staying here too, so you’ll be seeing each other a lot more!” She announces happily.

“...He’s WHAT?!”

~~~

The sounds of the radio fill the car as the three of us sit in silence. I think the song they’re playing is by ABBA....or maybe Fleetwood Mac. Actually, I wasn’t really paying attention to whatever song was playing. Shocking, I know. Instead, I was sitting tapping my leg, waiting to see if I could notice Nick. Nick. The man  I thought I would just be dancing with at my sister’s wedding, and making pleasant conversation with, not sharing a space with for the next three weeks. I love my sister, I honestly do...but god, I wish she’d tell me things in advance sometimes.

But that’s who Katie is. She’s spontaneous, I’m not. She’s an extrovert, and I’m the introvert. She’s wild and fun...and I’m boring. In some ways, we’re polar opposites of each other. But that also draws us closer together. Yes, aside from our genetics, we weren’t that alike...but we were still sisters, and the best of friends.

“There he is! I see him!” Katie pipes up excitedly, cutting off my thoughts. She and Adam immediately get out of the car and start waving him over, leaving me in the backseat. Immediately my cheeks flush. Oh god, he’s going to have to sit next to me, isn’t he? Shit. I glance out of the window and see Nick is close by. Sighing, I decide I better get out and greet him. If I was going to be spending three weeks living with him, I better make a good first impression.

“Hi Katie!” His voice greets her, and he pulls her into a hug. “I’ve not seen you in forever!”

“I saw you like two weeks ago!” She giggles. Nick then turns to Adam, and greets him. I stand back a little, watching them. The three of them look happy and natural together. Like a proper family. While I feel like the one who doesn’t belong. The puzzle piece that doesn’t fit into this happy family dynamic. Of course, I couldn’t tell Katie that, that would make her feel even more worried, and she didn’t deserve this stress. Not now. I take a deep breath. All I need to do is make it through these three weeks until the wedding. “Nick.” Katie begins, gesturing towards me. “This is my sister Y/N, the maid of honour!” Deep breaths Y/N. You can do this. It’s just a guy. After all, it’s not like he’s a Greek God or something. And then he turns around.

His blue eyes sparkle, and he grins. “So this is the girl I’m going to dance with, huh?” He holds out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Nick.”

Oh my god, he’s gorgeous. What I said about him not being a Greek God? I was wrong. He looks better than that. Oh god, I’m so fucked. Oh god, he’s staring at me, and I haven’t said anything to him. I quickly grab his hand and shake it. Hopefully he doesn’t notice my sweaty palms.

“It’s nice to meet you, Nick.” I flash a smile, hoping to every god there is that I don’t have lipstick or food on my teeth.

“I’ve heard so much about you!” I...wish I could say the same. Katie really needs to tell me things in advance...including whether or not her fiancé hangs out with Greek God lookalikes.

“All good, I hope!” I chuckle awkwardly. Nick smiles again.

“All great things.” The two of us stand there, just staring at each other. Katie’s voice calls over:

“Come on, you two, I’m starving! Stop eyeballing each other and get in the car!” My eyes go slightly wide, and I quickly get into the car, desperate not to make a fool of myself, even if it seemed Katie was trying to.

“Oh, sorry Nick. Just move my bag and jacket from your seat.” I tell him as he opens his door. “Actually, just pass them over here.” He passes them over, and as I reach out to take them, our hands brush against each other. Shivers run up my spine. This isn’t normal, right? No, it isn’t. You don’t usually feel shivers up your spine when you brush hands with people you just met. That usually means something deeper....right? Nick gets in beside me, and I’m immediately aware of the smell of his cologne. He smells great. Like...really great. God, this man really is the full package, huh? Adam sets off, and I settle back into my seat, trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

“So, what’s Saint Chase like?” I hear Nick ask, causing me to look back up at him. “I’ve never been here before, so I was just wondering, like, is there any fun things to do, or any good memories? I know you and Katie grew up here, so...” He seems genuinely interested, and I have no idea what to tell him. I mean, what could I say? I’m guessing Katie didn’t tell him how desperate I was to get the hell out of the town as soon as I could.

“Well....” I begin. “To be honest, Nick, I’m not the best person to ask.” I admit. “I haven’t been back here in a while. You’d be better off asking Katie if you need a tour guide...sorry.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, Nick looks a little disappointed, but he doesn’t say anything regardless. I sink back into my seat again. I mean, it wasn’t like I lied...I genuinely don’t remember much about the town...or I had just tried to block out the memories so much, it actually worked.

After another agonising car journey, the car parks outside of Saint Chase’s diner. Again, like Nana’s house, it looked like nothing had changed from what I remembered. It was almost like the town was part of its’ own little universe, where the buildings and the people in it never grew up, and neither would you if you stayed there. Okay, maybe that was dramatic, but still.

Katie pushes open the door, and the woman behind the counter looks up as we walk in. Before any of us could say anything, the woman exclaims:

“OH! MY! GOD! Is that who I think it is?!” She quickly runs out from behind the counter, and up to Katie and I. “It is! It’s Rose’s granddaughters!” She pulls us both into a hug, giving us a tight squeeze. Pulling away, she looks us up and down. “Remember me? It’s Jane! God, I remember when your Grandma, god rest her soul, used to bring you in for breakfast every Saturday, ever since you were about this high Katie.” She points to her knee. Straightening back up, she looks us both over again. “Aw, you both look so much like your mother. Especially you, Y/N.” She smiles, causing a pang in my heart. She looks behind us, not noticing the sad expression on my face. “Ooooh! Are these the boyfriends?” She winks. “They’re gorgeous, good on you girls!”

“Well Jane, this is my fiancé Adam-” Katie begins, immediately getting squeals of delight, and congratulations in return. “And this is his best friend Nick, who’s the best man.”

“But we’re not dating.” I finish. Even if he was really gorgeous.

“Oh that’s right! I forgot you two are getting married here!” She sighs. “I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on, honestly.” She steps closer to me, and her voice drops to a whisper. “But if you’re serious about not taking him honey, let me know, and I gladly will. He’s beautiful.” She gestures toward Nick. “Anyway! Let me get you four the best seats in the house. Follow me!” She orders, and the four of us do so. Jane leads us to a booth near the back of the diner and passes over some menus. “I’ll be right back to get you some drinks.” She grins.

“Well...she seems friendly!” Nick states, making us all laugh.

~~~

Later

“So anyway, Nick is completely drenched by this point. I mean, obviously, he had fallen into a pool.”

“Pushed. I was pushed.” Nick corrects, making Katie and I laugh. Adam was telling us stories of him and Nick in college, and I was feeling a lot more comfortable. Nick was hilarious, and he seemed really sweet. Maybe sharing a house with him for three weeks wouldn’t be so bad after all. “Anyway, that’s why I immediately pulled him into the pool with me, so he could know how it feels.” Nick finishes.

“Oh, you should’ve been there, babe. We both had white shirts on. Abs for days.” Adam tells Katie. God, of course Nick has abs. Wouldn’t expect anything else.

“Really? Maybe Y/N should’ve been there, she loves ab- ouch!” Katie begins, before I gently kick her in the shin. Adam and Nick look over, clearly concerned. “Sorry, just....bashed my leg on the table leg.” She lies, and I give her a pointed look, causing her to raise an eyebrow.

“Okaaaay...anyway, we’ve told a story about our college mishaps, how about one from you two?” Nick asks. Katie furrows her eyebrows for a moment, clearly deep in thought...and then her eyes light up. Oh no. Why do I have a feeling this will end badly for me?

“Did I ever tell you two about the time Y/N almost went to a midterm in her underwear?” And there it is.

“Nonononono, we don’t need to hear this story!” I gasp, my cheeks flushing red.

“Oh I think we do.” She winks, while I hide my face in my hands. And there goes my last shred of dignity. And with it, any hopes of having Nick see me as anything other than a total mess.

~~~

That Night

I was sitting on my bed, reading. Since we had gotten home from the diner, I had retreated upstairs, changed into my pyjamas and stayed there. Mainly because I was trying to avoid Nick, and any other potential forms of embarrassment before the wedding. Maybe I could just stay in there until the wedding? Sighing, I put my book down and lean back into my pillows. Not that I was paying much attention to the book anyway. Why was I like this? I mean, yeah, of course I didn’t want to embarrass myself, especially in front of a guy, but why was I going to such lengths for Nick? Why was I so hell-bent on not embarrassing myself in front of him? There must be something about him...something...different. Of course, he’s the best man to my maid of honour in my sister’s wedding, which is obviously part of it, but it felt like there was something more there. Something I didn’t understand. A knock at the door pulls me out of my thoughts.

“Katie, I hope you’re here to- oh!” I gasp when I see who is on the other side of the door. Nick stands there, dressed in a t-shirt and plaid pyjama pants. His hair was wet from a shower, and looked slightly curly.

“Hi.” He says, his voice slightly husky, causing the shivers from before to return.

“H-Hi, Nick.” I stammer. “What can I do for you?” He doesn’t answer me, and instead passes over a steaming mug.

“We made some tea, and I thought I’d bring you a mug.” He explains.

“Thanks.” I take a sip of the tea, immediately feeling its warmth pass through me.

“Are you feeling alright?” Nick asks. “You came up right after we got back from dinner, and you’ve been up here for a while, so I was wondering if you were okay.”

“Oh...yeah I’m fine, just tired from my flight.” I lie. Nick smiles and nods.

“Yeah I get that, I think it’ll be an early night for me too.” The two of us stand there for a minute, neither of us saying anything to the other. “Nice pyjamas by the way.” Nick breaks the silence, and I glance down at my Minnie Mouse pyjamas, immediately wishing I’d brought different ones.

“Thanks.” And then, back to silence. But in a way, it was a comfortable silence, one where we didn’t have to say anything to each other, and instead, just enjoy the company of each other.

“Well, I think I’m going to head off to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Y/N.” He smiles. “It was really nice to meet you today.”

“Yeah, it was.” I smile back. “Goodnight Nick.”

~~~

The Next Day

“Morning sleepy head.” Katie says through a mouthful of toast as I walk into the kitchen.

“It’s 9am. This is early for me.”

“I know, I know. Just teasing.” She laughs.

“Anyway, what do you need me to do today? What still needs doing?” I ask, reaching down to grab a slice of toast.

“Hey!” Katie swats my hand away. “And about that...” She trails off. “I’ll tell you in a sec.” I hear the noise of someone coming downstairs. I don’t even have to question who it is, as I hear:

“Morning ladies.” His voice sounds huskier than it did last night. God, what is it with him?

“Hey Nick.” We reply. “Actually Nick, I need to speak to you and Y/N.” Katie tells him as I grab a glass of water. “Adam and I were talking last night, and we had an idea for some...special wedding tasks for you two.” I raise an eyebrow, and Nick gives me a questioning look. I shake my head, symbolising I have no idea what she means. Katie clears her throat. “We thought that Y/N should show you around town, Nick!” I almost choke on my water.

“What?” I gasp.

“Yeah, I mean, it gives you two the chance to get closer, which is going to be useful for the wedding.” She explains. “And it’ll help you to get to know the town again Y/N!”

“I mean, yeah, sounds good.” Nick nods. No, it doesn’t sound good. That sounds like everything I don’t want to happen. Nick was great, but I did not want to fall back in love with this town and remember all the memories I tried so hard to forget. But then, I look into the eyes of my baby sister, and I know I can’t break her heart. Especially not before her wedding. Even if it hurts me, I sigh and nod.

“Nick’s right. It sounds good.” Katie’s face lights up.

“Thanks guys!” She pulls us both into a hug. Now I definitely can’t break her heart and say no. “You two can start today.” She grins. “But don’t keep her out too late Nick, I need her back here to help make the centrepieces later.” She winks. “Have fun.” She whispers, heading upstairs.

“So...when do you wanna start?” I ask Nick.

“Well, if you want, we could go for a walk later today?” He offers.

“Sure. Just let me get some food and get ready, then we can head out.” I tell him, and he agrees, before also heading upstairs. And then, I’m alone.

Like I said before, It’s going to be a long three weeks.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Freddie Mercury lover of life, singer of songs; Queen x reader

*Author’s note*

Alright guys this is it, I have for you all THE chapter that everyone’s been dreading for my Rock Angel series. This will be the last chapter where Freddie is alive. So get out the comfort snacks and tissues ready cause this chapter WILL. GET. SAD. I was planning on saving this update for later but after some debate, I’ve decided to just post it up now.

Warnings: Death, loss of loved one/icon, mourning, ANGST. This is a sad chapter yall. 

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@ixchel-9275​

@simonedk​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@queensdivas​

@queendeakyy​

@platawnic​

@geek-and-proud​

@labessieisallama​

@starswin​

@onebigfangirlworld​

@klausidiot​

@dj-lowkey​

@isabella-bby​

@5sos-wdw​

@bohemiansweede​

@naturalswifty89​

_____________________________________________________________

The day after Kelly’s birthday, Jack flew back with the rest of the family and took the kids with him while I stayed behind in England to be with the one person who I needed to be with.  In fact I even stayed at his place along with Terry and Phoebe.

God he—he looked so frail, so fragile, it’s almost unbelievable that this was the very man just 11 years ago who looked so fit and healthy and who just six years prior wowed the world on stage before 1.5 billion people. But I won’t deny that he still has that same Freddie humor, even when he’s—god I can’t even bother to say it.

It was my turn to take the afternoon shift of watching Freddie before his doctor came in.  On the bed with him was Delilah, his faithful cat who hadn’t left his side except when she wanted to be fed or use the litterbox.

I lay there beside Freddie, his faint but raspy breathing was the only thing echoing in the room.  My arms were wrapped around him and I heard him softly whisper to me.

“My angel……is that you?”

“Yes Freddie. I’m right beside you.” I was told by Jim that due to the AIDS virus, his vision sometimes goes out, almost making him blind at times.

“My rock angel……my protegee…….go into my drawers and pull out the—manilla folder.” I stroked his head and got up from the bed and did as he told me.

I went over to his drawer that held his large circular mirror and pulled out the only drawer it had and I soon found the folder he was talking about.  I went back over to his bedside and I told him.

“I got it Freddie.”

“Open it.” He merely told me.  I looked at him slightly confused but I opened it as he kept stroking Delilah’s back and she purred softly.

Inside the folder I found some legal documents inside for copyright approval of some songs.  I pulled the papers out and even though I skimmed most of the legal words and actions there were a few song titles that caught my eye.  They read as followed:

Somebody to love.

Killer Queen

In the lap of the gods (revisited)

Liar

March of the Black Queen

Ogre Battle

“What is this Freddie? I don’t understand.”

“I talked with Miami, and—I told him he could do with whatever he wants with my music, my legacy, my name. I only told him to never make me boring.” We both softly chuckled. “And darling I know that music will always be covered by someone else. And let’s face it rock and roll is slowly dying with the way pop and hip-hop is growing. I don’t want any of those people to touch one of my songs before you. So we talked it over and legalized right there in black and white are the songs of mine that I want you to cover. And release on your next album.”

I was shocked.  These were some of my favorite songs that I’ve told him that I loved hearing live on stage.  And the fact he’s gone so far back and chosen the very early Queen songs for me to cover as my own…….I didn’t have the words to say.

“Freddie I—”

“Please say you’ll do it darling. You’re the only one I trust to make a great cover of a Queen song. Promise me you’ll do it.” He reached out and held his hand out for me.  I placed his hand against my cheek and leaned against it as his thumb gently stroked my cheek.

“I promise Fred. I promise I’ll make you proud.”

“You already have darling.” I tried to hold in a sniffle and keep my tears at bay but Freddie was smart. “Don’t be so tragic darling.” I choked out a laugh and said to him.

“Can’t blame me. You always knew I was an emotional woman.”

“I’ve seen worse dear.” We both had a soft laugh before Freddie started to cough.  Quickly I grabbed his cup of water and held it out but he refused it and continued to close cough as well as tried to breathe normally again. “My sweet rock angel……”

“Yes?”

“Do you—remember the song you sang when we first met you?” I smiled fondly at that memory.

“How could I forget? It’s the song my mum used to sing to me to help me feel better. And now I sing it to my children when they’re unhappy.”

“Will you sing that song for me now? I want to relive that glorious day. The day I heard an angel grace the Earth with her sweet voice. But I want to hear it now that you’ve matured from that little teenage girl you once were.” I smiled and resumed my position once again.

Freddie adjusted himself so that his head rested on my chest right over my heart and I stroked his hair gingerly.

“Just know that this time I don’t have a piano so my voice won’t sound as glamourous.”

“Your voice is glamourous with or without music dear.” He softly exhaled.  I took a deep breath in before exhaling out and I softly began to sing ‘Hallelujah’, the very song that I sung the day I first met Queen.

Freddie remained cuddled close to me as I sang to him and continued to stroke his head as his breathing grew softer and softer till he fell into a deep sleep.

I heard footsteps coming up towards the room and soon standing at the doorway was Mary Austin.

“He just fell asleep.” I told her.

“I can take it from here. You can leave now (Y/n).” she told me in almost an urgent matter.  Almost like she didn’t even want me there anymore.

I looked down at Freddie and gently kissed the top of his head and as Mary and I walked pass each other, I felt this coldness brush up against me and Mary immediately took my spot holding Freddie in her arms.

I walked down the stairs and saw Jim, Terry, Peter, and dad all downstairs together.  Roger must’ve just gotten here and somehow managed to slip pass the paps that were literally camped outside.  He came up to me and the two of us immediately embraced each other.

He rubbed my back as I buried my face into his shoulder finally letting the tears slip.

“I’ll go get everyone some tea. (Y/n) would you like some?” Jim said as he stood up.

“She’ll have her usual and I’ll have a coffee if you don’t mind Jim. Bring it to us out on the back deck.” Dad then guided me towards the backyard and the two of us sat down on the wicker couch and looked out to the back garden.

“He’s not going to last much longer.” I said more as a statement than a question.  I heard dad take a deep exhale and he said grimly.

“Fraid not love.” His hand rubbed my right shoulder gingerly and comfortingly.

“I can’t believe we’re going to lose him. He was always so strong.”

“Is strong. He’s always strong. He’ll never stop being strong lovie.” He told me as he leaned his head against mine.

After a bit of silence and just sitting there, Jim came out with our tea and coffee and we thanked him for the drinks.  I took a sip of my Jasmine tea and that’s when Roger said.

“You know…..my son Rufus saw a picture of you last week and he said ‘nana’.” I smiled softly. “Of course……”

“Roger I know what you’re going to say next but I’ve been meaning to speak my mind about this.” I set my tea down and said as I just stared out into the backyard. “You know that bitch has always hated me. Never once treated me with any respect, nor seen me as anything but a threat to you and her. I’ll be involved with your new son in any way I can but—please for the love of god. Don’t. Mention. Her name. I refuse to have anything to do with her. Even her name is like poison to my tongue. Just like the bitch who raised me after my parents died.”

“Alright. Just—thought I’d break the ice and get your mind off of….well all this. But I respect your decision. Not really the choice of words but…..” I glared at him. “Shutting up now.”

“I don’t even see what you saw in her besides her looks. Dominque at least respected me.” I stood up and walked to the middle of the garden with my teacup in hand.  I took a large gulp of it as he said.

“I—I have no excuse.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“And just what is that supposed to mean!?” he snapped.

“You love your beautiful women. You always have. I’ve seen it countless times Rog. I’m just thankful none of your exes turned out to be a crazy ex. I can’t even imagine what would happen if I, my family or even your own family got hurt because of a crazy ex.” He remained silent.  I took another sip of my tea. “I don’t want to fight about this anymore. Not with—him listening in on us. He wouldn’t want that. Not now.”

“Agreed. In fact I’m sorry I even brought it up to begin with.”

“As I said before dad. I don’t point the blame on the child. Rufus, he’s a cute kid. Much like his father probably was when he was born. I just have a problem with the mother. But I won’t show the drama before him. And if she has any love and respect for her son, she’ll do the same thing.”

“You know, I’ve never heard you be so honest and blunt like this in a long time.” I felt his hand gently take mine.  I sighed out deeply and solemnly.

“I’ve barely slept the past few days. With Kelly’s party and of course taking care of Freddie. Brother mine won’t return any of my calls, Jack calls to tell me that America is already starting to get the news of Freddie’s ‘rumored AIDS reveal’. And now our family’s starting to hound Jack whether or not the rumors are true. I just……I’m drained dad. Emotionally, physically and mentally, and I don’t know how much more I can take.” My voice began to crack as my walls began to crumble down.

I wanted to cry more tears but they refused to come out. Dad held me in a tight but comforting embrace as he rocked me side to side.

“It’s not easy for me either love. For none of us. You’re not the only one whose feeling drained by all this lovie. Brian, John, Fred’s friends, everyone that knows about this is drained. But the only thing we can do now is—be there for Fred in his last hours. To let him know we love him.”

I sniffled and clung onto his jacket so tightly, my knuckles went white.  But dad held me even tighter and snug as the two of us just stood there embracing each other in the garden.

*Nov. 24th, 1991. Sunday morning*

Three days later.  I remained at Garden Lodge, calling Jack whenever I could telling him how Freddie was getting worse and worse.  I was there when Freddie decided to stop taking the medication he needed to slow down the virus and he just decided to take an oral morphine pill.

I was there when Freddie’s lawyer and him made the official written statement, revealing to the world that Freddie did in fact have AIDS and tested positive for HIV for the past six years.

And I was there when……when he……

I was at the phone trying one last chance to see if I could reach Deacy, just so he could at least say one final goodbye.  I get that he’d rather wish to remember Freddie as he was and not as he is now but—if he doesn’t take the chance to say goodbye to Freddie now, he’ll regret it for the rest of his life.

The phone kept ringing until the operator told me that the line had been disconnected.

“Damnit Deacy.” I muttered softly before hanging up the phone. I then picked up the phone to ring Brian up when I heard Jim’s panicked voice cry out.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N) GET UP HERE NOW!!!” I dropped the phone and as quick as I could, I took the stairs two at a time not even caring that I tripped several times.  I raced towards the bedroom and found Peter and Jim holding Freddie’s limp body.

“(Y/n) quick go get Dr. Atkinson! Hurry!” I nodded and raced back down to see Dr. Atkinson sitting out in the garden reading over some files.

“Dr. Atkinson!” he looked at me and I choked out. “It’s Fred.” He abandoned the paperwork and he and I quickly raced upstairs.

When we got to the room, Peter then began to explain.

“He—he woke up and—he wanted to uhh….go to the toilet. And-and we were lifting him and…..” Dr. Atkinson went up to Freddie’s body and checked his pulse.

He then leaned in close to Freddie’s face.  His eyes were shut and his mouth slightly opened.  He was as still as a painting, a photograph even. Then his doctor said the two most horrifying, and graving words that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

“He’s gone.”

My whole world crashed.  Jim and I immediately embraced each other as we cried.  I could hear Peter sniffling and softly weeping and that’s when Dr. Atkinson adjusted Freddie’s corpse so that he was now lying flat and he covered him up with the bedsheets.

After that……Peter rang Roger up (who was just 300 yards away from arriving at the house) to tell him not to bother coming cause Freddie was gone.  

At 7:01am, Freddie Mercury was pronounced dead.

I was now driving down the road towards a house that needed to know of what happened instead of hearing about it on the news.  When I arrived at the quaint little house, I rushed to the door and knocked on the door as hard as I could.

I didn’t stop knocking till it opened and there stood Veronica.  She looked at my disheveled look and without a word embraced me as I wept into her arms. She brought me inside and sat me down in the living room.

As she put a blanket around me, that’s when I saw Deacy come down the stairs and the minute he saw me, his face went stoic and he froze right there on the spot.

“He’s gone brother mine.”

Deacy’s eyes shifted almost not believing what he had just heard.  He then went back upstairs and Ronnie went to stand up to follow him but I stopped her. Wordlessly I took the blanket off my shoulders and followed Deacy up the stairs.

From the hallway towards their bedroom, I could hear the sniffled and muffled cries of my brother mine.  I peeked in and saw him pacing around before finally collapsing to the floor, his arms clenched tightly against his chest, his face streaming down tears but he bit his lip trying to hold in his screams of grief and agony.

His whimpers sounded like a heartbroken dog that had just lost their parent forever and it broke my heart to see him fall apart like this.

“Aunt (Y/n), what’s going on?” soon enough coming out of their rooms were Robert, Michael, Laura and Joshua.

“Robert, take your brothers and sister downstairs now.” I told Robert urgently.

“What’s wrong with dad is he okay?” asked Joshua.

“I’ll explain everything later kids but now isn’t the time. Just please go downstairs with your mother and don’t come up here unless she says you all can.” Robert being the adult that he was, guided his younger siblings downstairs leaving their father and I alone.

I slowly opened the door up just a little bit more to allow myself in before closing it behind me.  There on the ground Deacy still kept crying and holding his screams in.  I sat down at the door and waited for him to calm down because I knew going to him right away wouldn’t be the best thing.

After what felt like hours, he finally calmed down and he just sat there broken, empty, and dazed.  I slowly crawled towards him and sat down in front of him.

“This is all my fault.” He croaked out.

“There’s—there’s no fault here Deacy. You weren’t the one who gave Fred AIDS. Nor did you know about it for as long as he did.”

“But you were right. I can no longer say my final goodbyes to him. I hide and refused to see him.”

“Because you wished to remember the way he was, instead of the shell that he was starting to become. And I think he knew that deep down. He loved you Deacy, and he always will.” The two of us went silent for awhile before he choked out.

“I can’t believe Freddie’s gone……I feel so alone.” I scooted closer to him and nuzzled myself into his chest and said to him.

“You’re not going to be alone. I promise. I’ll stay here with you and Ronnie if that’s what it takes.”

“Oh (n/n).” I felt his arms wrap around me. “When did you get so maternal?”

“I learned from the four best guys I know. You all have been there for me in my lowest times, now it’s my turn to be there for you three.” I looked up at him, both our eyes gleaming with leftover tears, “You, Bri and Rog…..we’re all gonna get through this. Freddie was important to all of us. We need to be together now more than ever.”

I leaned my forehead against my brother’s.  Our noses gently grazing against one another’s as I nuzzled him like a mother lion would her cub or another pride member.  He soon followed suit and the two of us embraced each other and stayed in each other’s arms.

*Jack’s POV*

I had gotten the call from Roger at around 3 in the morning. At first I thought it was just him wanting to stir up drama or call to see how Kelly and the boys were doing, but when he bluntly told me that Freddie was gone, my whole world fell apart.

For the rest of the morning I couldn’t sleep.  When everyone else in the family woke up I told them everything and we all cried and mourned at the loss of a beautiful and kind-hearted man.

“This—this feels like…….like a bad dream or something.” I said sitting at the kitchen table.  My mom standing over me rubbing my shoulders comfortingly.  She leaned down and hugged me from behind as she said to me comfortingly.

“I know. I know. But you know—at least Freddie is no longer in anymore pain. You know.”

“We know how much he meant to you Jack. He meant a lot to us too.” My dad said.

“There’ll never be another man nor artist like him. Never.” Jensen said as he sipped his morning coffee.

“We’ll all miss him.” Said Jared.  Mom reached over and stroked Jared’s shoulder.  I stood up and snapped out.

“It’s just—it’s not fair! If I had been there! Hell if I met (Y/n) earlier than I did maybe I could’ve…..”

“Jack, Jack sweetie, sweetie honey.” Mom came over to me and embraced me tightly. “There was nothing that you could do. There was nothing that any of us could’ve done.” She separated from me and wiped my tears away.

“I know. It’s……it’s so unfair.” I choked out.  I walked back towards my seat as I continued to choke out. “He was such a beautiful man. So full of love and life. Now he’s gone…….” I felt Gen and Dani rub their hands on either my shoulders or back trying to comfort me.

“Morning everybody!” Kelly’s voice rang out.  We all quickly wiped away our tears and my daughter came up to me and hopped up in my lap.

“Morning baby girl. How’d you sleep?”

“Great. I had a dream that I was playing alongside uncle Freddie on stage. Can I call him and tell him about it?” at her innocent question, the room grew quiet and depressed again.

“Kelly sweetheart I—don’t……” she looked up at me and she knew immediately that something wasn’t right.

“What is it daddy? Why are you so sad?”

“Sweetie this isn’t easy for me to say but umm……a few hours ago your godfather Roger called me. And he told me that—” I trailed off, swallowing my tears and sobs.

“It’s okay kid.” Jensen said to me.  I took a deep breath and finally told her.

“Kelly sweetie, your uncle Freddie died this morning back in London.”

“What?” she snapped.

“It’s just…….the virus he had was getting stronger and stronger and—he lost the fight.”

“No. You’re lying! NO HE’S NOT DEAD!!!” she screamed at me as she quickly ran back up the stairs.  I turned to my mom and dad and they gestured for me to go upstairs and talk to her.

I took the steps two at a time before finally reaching Kelly’s room.  She lay there on her bed, her head buried into her pillows as I heard her cry (which broke my heart immediately).

“Baby girl.”

“Why did uncle Freddie have to die? It’s not fair!” she wept as I stroked her back.

“I know. Death is never fair. But it’s the way of life.”

“I thought mummy was gonna take care of him! Why didn’t she?!”

“Now you listen here Kelly Michelle Kline. Your mother did everything she could to help your uncle. But—there are just somethings that…..cannot be cured. At least not yet. This is something that the world hasn’t seen yet, so we don’t know how to fight against it. But hopefully in the future we can.”

She sat up and sniffled as she wiped her nose with her sleeve. I wrapped my arm around her and said.

“And your uncle Freddie wouldn’t want you to be sad. He wouldn’t want any of us to be sad. Though he is gone, he’ll always be with us in our hearts and our memories.”

“I wish Jackson and Georgie got to know him a little more.”

“Me too sweetie. But we’ll tell them all about him. And how much, even though a short time, how much Fred adored them.”

“Is—is mummy okay?”

“I don’t know. She’s—she’s hurting just like we all are, and most likely what the whole world is feeling right now. Your uncle meant a lot to millions and billions of people worldwide.”

“I’ll miss him.” She stated sadly as she lowered her head.

“Me too sweetheart, me too. Is there—any more questions you have about what’s happened?”

“No. But—can you hold me daddy?”

“Of course love, c’mere.” I held my arm out to her and she crawled into my lap and clung onto me and I embraced her and rocked her softly, doing all that I could to comfort my baby girl.

Soon enough the whole wide world had gotten the news of Freddie’s death and the final confirmation that he had died of AIDS like so many of the gay community and dozens more from either blood transfusions or infected needles from drugs taken in the past.

Reports came in calling Freddie out for his sexual deeds and that this was karma (the bastards).  It was unbelievable that there were people out there tearing at Freddie’s name and saying that him getting AIDS was his fault because of his recklessness and wild antics.

Eventually I got a call from (Y/n) and the two of us talked on the phone for hours on end.  She told me that she’d be staying with Deacy and Ronnie till Freddie’s funeral in three days, and she’s invited all of us to come to the funeral.

So we all packed our bags and in three days the whole Kline family took a nonstop flight to London.  When we arrived the day before the wedding, as we drove on by, there were tributes out on the streets with flowers as far as they eye can see, all for Freddie Mercury.  From people of upper, middle or lower class, celebrities or normal people.

Everyone had paid tribute to the greatest showman the world ever known, and the kindest man some had personally came to know.

Then the day of the funeral arrived.

*Nov. 27th, 1991. My POV*

I pressed down my black dress and adjusted my bracelet that Freddie gifted me for my 20th birthday as well as a moon necklace he bought me in Argentina.  I looked at myself in the mirror before sighing softly.

“Baby.” I saw Jack’s reflection in the mirror. “Louis is here with the car. Shall I get the kids inside?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there in a moment.” I told him.  He nodded and left the master bedroom.  I gripped my necklace in my hand and whispered to the heavens.

“Looks like you’ll finally get to meet my parents after all Fred. I only just wish it was when you died at 102.” I took another deep breath and proceeded down the stairs.

I soon noticed that outside in the backyard was Kelly. She was sitting on the swing set all by herself in her little black dress.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n) I can’t find……how long has she been there?” Jack said.

“Can you tell Louis to wait up for just a few more minutes Jack?”

“Sure babe. I’ll be in the car with the boys if you need me.” He kissed my temple and left me alone to stare out at our daughter.

I walked towards her and I tapped my fingernails to the metal swing stand and she looked up at me and I asked her.

“May I join you?” she nodded and I sat down at the swing beside her.  The two of us gently swaying like the branches on a gentle windy day.  “You practically ran your father ragged little miss.”

“I wanted to be alone.” She said softly.

“I get it. You really miss him don’t you?”

“I know daddy and grandma said that death was a part of life, and that Freddie is with God and Jesus now, but—why couldn’t he stay here with us?”

“Believe me love if I had that kind of power, he’d be standing right here and probably tickling you till you smiled that sunshine smile of yours.” That made her crack a small smile. “But—the type of illness he had, doctors have never seen anything like it before. And a whole lot of people are dying because of it. But hopefully soon, they’ll get enough samples and study it more to the point that we can cure it so that no one dies of AIDS and HIV again.”

She got off the swings and walked a few feet in front of me and she said.

“I really loved uncle Freddie. I was his little nightingale.” I smiled solemnly.

“And I was his Rock Angel.” I looked down at my bracelet and fingered it. “Taught me everything I knew about being a rockstar. Now when he needs me the most I couldn’t even take care of him.” She came up to me and said as she placed her hands on my nylon knees.

“It wasn’t your fault mummy. Like you said there was no medicine to make him feel better. But you were there for him when he needed you.”

“I know sweetie. It……it still hurts though.” I felt her small hand reach up and touch my chin.

“It’s okay to be sad.” I cracked a smile and looked at her. Those were the exact words I told her when they had first arrived and we had our little talk about sharing our feelings about Freddie’s death.

“Now where have I heard that before?” I teased.

“Mummy?”

“Hmm?”

“Is it—okay to cry before we go?” my heart broke as she made the same heartbroken expression I make whenever I’m about to burst into tears.

“Of course baby.” I picked her up and embraced her tightly and the two of us softly cried in each other’s arms.

Kelly and I then got into the car after our emotional release, and at the address where the funeral was taking place, I could already see mourners piling in.  Already I could spot Brian and Anita standing side by side, and I even saw Elton John just starting to come in.

“Thank you Louis.” I thanked him.

“Anytime ma’am. I’ll be right here after the service is over.” I got out of the car with Kelly at my hand.  Jack then came out and took the boys out of their car seats and held onto them.

We walked towards the church and the first person we came up to was Elton.  The moment he saw us, he softly smiled and said.

“The whole Kline family.” I smiled solemnly and greeted Elton with a hug and kiss.

“I just wish it were on happier occasions.” I told him.

“Same here. How are you holding up darling?”

“Numb, empty. But I should be asking you and the guys that. You all have known him longer than I have. Heck I know about your little nicknames for each other. You’ve lost your Melina.”

“Yes, but she wouldn’t want me to be sad. She’s laugh and call me tragic if she caught me bawling like a baby.” We both chuckled softly.

“That sounds like Fred alright.”

“We’ll talk after the service okay?” I nodded and the two of us hugged and kissed each other once again and he nodded to Jack and waved at the kids before entering inside.

We all took our seats in the same row as the Deacon family. Deacy and I sat side by side and soon the church was completely crowded with people.  Then by 10o’clock the funeral began.

The chosen few men came in carrying a light brown casket down the aisle and placed it before all of us.  

Right next to it was a proud picture of Freddie during the Magic tour wearing the proud yellow jacket and looking radiant and strong, and around the picture was a large bouquet of yellow daffodils and lilies.  

His mother, sister, and Mary spoke their eulogies about Freddie’s life and what he meant to them.  After Mary spoke for almost 20 minutes, the pastor stood up and he said into the mic.

“And now, as requested by the deceased party, I would like to invite the Rock Angel (Y/n) Kline to come up and sing her song for the departed.”

Yes.  I had been told by Kash that Freddie had written to her to let me sing for his funeral. I stood up and walked up the steps and stood before the microphone stand.

“I—I had written this song for another reason. But—now it seems it’ll have to be for this occasion. Freddie Mercury—you always said my voice was of the angels, hopefully they’ll hear me and take you up to paradise.”

I took a few deep breaths to stall my tears.  Originally I had this song reserved for Freddie and Jim’s official wedding (and I didn’t care how long I’d have to keep it storage, I was willing to do it) but now it seems it’ll have to be his funeral song. As the piano player began to play the tune, I softly began to sing.

Play video

As I sang the song, memories of first meeting Freddie came flooding back.  All the good times we had together back during my internship, to him teaching me how to get over my stage fright, him helping me become the Rock Angel.

Every little memory I had with Freddie came rushing in as I sang with more passion.

*Me*

Wish I could, I could've said goodbye I would've said what I wanted to Maybe even cried for you If I knew it would be the last time I would've broke my heart in two Tryna save a part of you

Don't wanna feel another touch Don't wanna start another fire Don't wanna know another kiss No other name fallin' off my lips Don't wanna give my heart away To another stranger Or let another day begin Won't even let the sunlight in No, I'll never love again I'll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh

When we first met I never thought that I would fall I never thought that I'd find myself Lying in your arms, mm, mm And I wanna pretend that it's not true Oh, baby, that you're gone 'Cause my world keeps turnin',

And turnin', and turnin' And I'm not movin' on

Don't wanna feel another touch Don't wanna start another fire Don't wanna know another kiss No other name fallin' off my lips Don't wanna give my heart away To another stranger Or let another day begin Won't even let the sunlight in No, I'll never love

I don't wanna know this feelin' Unless it's you and me I don't wanna waste a moment, ooh And I don't wanna give somebody else

The better part of me I would rather wait for you, ooh

Don't wanna feel another touch Don't wanna start another fire Don't wanna know another kiss Freddie, you’ll stay on our hearts

Don't wanna give my heart away To another stranger Don't let another day begin Won't let the sunlight in Oh, I'll never love again Love again Oh I’ll Never love again

I'll never love

Again

I won't I won't I swear I can't I wish I could but I just won't I'll never love again I'll never love Again Oooo oo oo oo oo Hmmm

By the end of the song, tears glistened in my eyes but none came down my face because I knew he wouldn’t want that.  The whole church applauded and I walked down the steps back to my seat.

As the pastor led a prayer, I felt Jack’s arm wrap around me and he leaned his head against mine while rubbing my arm comfortingly.

A couple hours later, after some more eulogies were spoke from Brian and Roger and other close friends of Freddie, it was time to bury the casket.  The men who brought it in, all came back up and resumed their positions and carried it back out and put it back in the car.

Only the close friends and family were allowed at this point to come to the burial of the casket.  So it included me and Jack (we had his parents take the kids back to their hotel), Roger, Deacy, Brian and Anita, Jim, Mary, Freddie’s family, Elton, David, Peter, and Miami.

We all stood around as the casket was being lowered down into the Earth.  I leaned up against Jack trying to draw in as much strength as I could and soon a couple of men began to bury the casket.

I then knew that it was now real.  Freddie Mercury was officially gone from this earth.  The Lover of life, and Singer of songs was dead.

Nothing would be the same after today.  Lives would be forever changed.  And the world just got a bit more darker without the large sunray that was Freddie Mercury.

[snarkwrites]

10 | gangsta ; sweetpea

Notes:

SO.. I uhh... Got super into writing this recently. I just really liked where it was heading after part 7. Yes. Yes, I realize that literally no one asked for more of this but.. I wrote it. Might as well share it.

I warn in advance. There as a graphic and detailed fight in this chapter. Also. There is a LOT going on in this chapter. A LOT. I mean it and I cannot stress this enough. There is a LOT to process here. I basically took two or three episodes and mashed them together.

This is the third of four parts I have already written and waiting to go. I know, I know.. Literally no one asked for this. But you’re getting it anyway.

Warnings:

loosely canon compliant - this is the biggest warning, so if you’re into things that follow exact canon plot you are… definitely not going to like this. angst & slow burn, heavy sexual tensionstarting now, actually - this is just so everyone who started reading this thinking the smut would transpire in a hurry knows that apparently, it is not. violence / swearing & fighting, possible underage drinking and other shenanigans- look.. it’s high school. shit happens. also apparently, my ofc Alyssa uses the word fuck like all the time?…eventual sexual content / a virgin original character- this one is self explanatory. yes, i plan to write a smutty chapter in this at some point. when? i don’t rightly know. it’s got a while before we get there. revenge porn / grooming behaviors + an older boyfriend that Alyssa had in Chicago and moved to Riverdale to get away from are hinted at here. And this chapter might not be the only one in which we hear about Dave Novak. - I put this here so it doesn’t trigger anybody. I tried to be very very very vague when I wrote out things.. But if you can’t handle it, I understand. This is not going to be a huge part of the fic, no worries. It will have a small arc, but then it’ll be resolved.

Pairing:

Andrews!Sibling OFC, Alyssa x Sweet Pea

Other Parts:

[ one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine -   soundtrack ]

Other Stuff:

[ faq - tag list doc ]

Tagging:

@brithedemonspawn​ is the only person on my Riverdale tag list. If you’d like to be tagged for this story by all means.. Please let me know. Please, I beg. It’d make me super duper happy!!!

                                                      TEN.

Toni was awake already. Jabbing at me tentatively. “Okay sleeping beauty. Don’t make me go downstairs and fetch the Prince Charming you moaned for half the night last night.” she teased. Laughing when I went bright red in the face and apologized profusely. “That must have been some dream.” she teased again.

I stuck out my tongue at her, grumbling. “Oh. It was. But it was a dream.”

“Doesn’t have to just be a dream. I went for it with Cheryl. What’s stopping you? Hm?”

“First of all, I am pretty sure he only tolerates me because of you and Fangs. Secondly.. Even if I did think he felt anything…” I took a deep breath. “ I don’t even know how to begin to tell him.”

“Well, I mean.. You open your mouth and words come out.”

“Smartass.” I teased, smiling at her.

“You love me though.” she teased back.

We made our way down into the kitchen just in time to snag what was left of breakfast. What shocked me was that one, my brother was actually sitting at the table and eating with my father and I, his actual family and two, he and the Serpents hadn’t somehow managed to unalive each other during the night.

He even seemed to be talking to a few of them.

My dad caught sight of my face and I tensed a little. He grimaced and walked over, surveying the damage. “What happened, tiny?”

“Fucking Amanda Geller.”

“Language, tiny.”

“Okay, the diseased blight of the earth named Amanda Geller.” I chose a different wording, making my dad laugh and shake his head.

“You shoulda seen it, Mr. Andrews. It went viral.” one of the Serpents spoke up, holding out his phone so my father could see the fight. 

I groaned and dropped my head to my arms, lightly beating it against them, swearing to myself quietly. “I knew someone would record the fight. Well.. this is just great.” I took a few deep breaths and continued with my explanation. “All I have to say for myself dad, is I got sick of taking her crap. So when she stole my clothes and hid them all over the hallway, I walked out to get them. She was all in the door when I threw it open to go back inside in a hurry before I got caught. The door hit her nose, she started to scream like the harpy she is and it all went downhill from there.” I reached for a piece of toast and the butter knife to butter the bread a little more.

My dad rubbed his chin. “I think I need to go down and have a chat with Weatherbee. I should’ve done this weeks ago, actually. When this started. Let me know if she posts a video. I mean it, Al. That’s a serious offense. Don’t try to go and handle it yourself. Let me handle it, tiny.”

FP chuckled. “Fred, you know your daughter’s every bit her father’s kid. Meaning, she’s a hothead. It’s going in one ear and out the other.”

“Again, Forsythe. Don’t encourage her, man.” my dad teased FP, gazing at me firmly. Waiting on me to nod and agree. I did, but I also added quietly, “Dad. It’s over and done with. And if it isn’t, I was the one who chose to fight her. If anything comes of it, kind of time for me to quietly take my lumps.”

“This is the same Mandy Geller who had you upset the first week back at school here, right Because I think I know her parents. Maybe I need to talk to them about their daughter’s crap too?” my dad asked. I nodded. Quickly shaking my head when he mentioned involving her parents. It wouldn’t do any good. If Mandy was a bitch, her mother was the queen mother of bitches. 

He shook his head. “Honestly, while I’m not in agreement with  fighting… I can’t say I blame you. And I told your mom that everybody has a breaking point and that if Archie’s allowed to reach his and explode, it’s only fair that you get the same slack when you finally hit yours.”

He hit play on the fight again, chuckling as he watched it. “ You are lucky you didn’t break your thumb, tiny. If you’re ever in a situation to punch again, don’t tuck your thumb. Fastest way to get it broken.”

FP spoke up, chuckling from nearby. “Your dad knows that way too well, little red. Broke his thumbs three damn times before we finally got it in his head that you don’t tuck it.” 

“Forsythe, don’t encourage her, man. Mary would have a fit.” my dad shot FP a look.

“Oh, she already did when I talked to her on video call last night and she saw it.” I admitted quietly, shaking my head. I hated fighting with my mother, but sometimes it felt like my mother went looking for reasons to lecture and nag at me. Like she held me to this god tier standard that she didn’t hold Archie to and sometimes, that really bugged me.

“Sounds about right.” my dad muttered, shaking his head. “How is she?”

“Well, she said she’s got another big case coming up. Then she lectured me like usual. About the fight and about not making waves. Because of everything going on here. I guess she just doesn’t want me overloading you guys.” I laughed, shaking my head. My dad nodded. Telling me that she was just worried about me and that we butted heads because I was a lot like her at my age.

I snorted, shaking my head in disbelief. “Not likely.”

“Sweetie, your mom used to sneak out of the bathroom of Riverdale High to ditch with FP and I. She could drink me under the table sometimes. And if somebody so much as looked at her wrong, she was not hesitant to call them out on it..She was a lot like you are now. I know she seems so straight laced now, but she wasn’t always.”

Something in my dad’s tone made me think that maybe Mom turning uptight had a lot to do with the reason their relationship got so strained. I kept quiet though. Nodding. Taking in what he said.

After I gathered up the plates on the table and put them in the sink, grabbing a wash cloth, Sweet Pea wandered over. Grabbing a cloth that sat nearby, running it under the water. I glanced at him, my eyes naturally settling on his lips straight away. He reached out, grabbing the bottle of Dawn from the edge of the sink, putting some on the rag.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I wanna.” he shrugged it off. We finished off washing the dishes together quietly.

Then Toni, Sweet Pea and I set off for school. And as we walked along, I felt his hand brush up against mine again. Wordlessly, I gave his hand a squeeze.

None of us were talking because all three of us had a lot on our mind at the moment.

A time or two, I felt Sweet Pea squeeze my hand. Just as we went to step into the hall at school he muttered quietly, “It’s gonna be okay, Cherry. Stop overthinking. I can smell the burning.”

I gave him a pout as I met his gaze. Managing a nod.

Toni and I were looking all over for Cheryl. Not a sign of her.

“Maybe she’s with Nana.” Toni took a few deep breaths.

“If she’s not here by lunch, we’ll go to the hospital.” I assured Toni. She nodded, hugging herself a little. “It just bothers me because she wanted to meet us both in the middle of the forest to tell us something. Then she disappears before she gets the chance.”

“I know what you mean. And it doesn’t help that her mother is.. The way she is.” I responded quietly. Trying to come up with something, somewhere else she could be. The treehouse we attempted to build in the forest was torn down years ago, so that ruled that out by default. I shook my head. 

XXX

“Your girl’s got herself one hell of a body, Serpent. If I’d known that was hiding under those cardigans and little dresses, man.. Whew.” Chuck smirked at Sweet Pea, waiting on a reaction.

Sweet Pea took a long and deep breath. Opening and closing his fist.

“She’s not my girl. But about the next time you say some stupid shit like that, you’re going to be looking up at me from the floor, dog.” Sweet Pea leaned across the aisle, grabbing Chuck’s collar and pulling him in real close. Sneering at him. Daring Chuck to push just a little further.

He was already in a mood. Between Fangs being held at the station for no reason other than public rumor, being run out of the only place he knew as home and then seeing Alyssa so upset earlier, Sweet Pea was essentially just waiting for further provocation.

Chuck seemed happy to oblige. “I might just have to bump her up higher on my to do list. Since she’s not your girl.”

“Yeah, how about no the fuck you’re not. Forget I said she wasn’t my girl. As far as you and your mangy friends are concerned? She’s my girl.”

“Well, which is it, Serpent? And what are you gonna do to stop me, hm?”

Sweet Pea stood abruptly, sending the chair scraping noisily against tiled floor as it slid in his haste to stand. He reached across the aisle, grabbing Chuck’s head, putting him in a full nelson. Really making sure he locked it in.

“Consider this your only warning, you mangy fucking mutt.” Sweet Pea muttered calmly and quietly before carelessly letting go and letting Chuck spill into the floor.

From the front of the classroom, Archie turned, fixing his eyes on Sweet Pea. And after a few minutes, he wandered back, taking the seat in front of him. Speaking up quietly.

“Did he say something about my sister. Yes or no.”

“Depends on what the fuck is going to be done about it, Andrews.” Sweet Pea answered, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down. Trying to remember that right now, there was sort of a shaky alliance with at least Archie Andrews. And deeper down, remembering Jughead’s advice about the situation with his growing feelings towards Alyssa the night before after everyone else had gone to sleep and the two of them sat out back of the Andrew’s house talking about it.

If he wanted Alyssa, he had to understand that she was nothing if not close to at least two members of her family. He needed to really prove to both the male members of the Andrews family that he wasn’t out to hurt her or just looking for a good time. That he could be trusted.

“Oh. Trust me. If you say he said something, Chuck’s going to wish he’d never even fucking looked at her when we get to wrestling practice this afternoon.” Archie assured Sweet Pea, pausing to continue, “It’s better if I do something, man. We both know that Weatherbee will take one look at you and expel you for nothing other than daring to be a Serpent and not willing to change. I can take a detention, a few late practices where I’m pushed to the brink and it’ll be dropped.”

Archie did make a good point.

And Jughead’s point the night before came back to him too. After debating a second or two, Sweet Pea filled Archie in on the entire confrontation the afternoon before between Alyssa and Mandy. Then he told Archie what Chuck had just said in the hopes of starting a fight.

Archie growled quietly. Turning to meet Sweet Pea’s gaze. “ You want to prove you’re not a threat to my sister? Keep an eye on her.”

Sweet Pea nodded. “Yeah. I can do that.”

Archie managed a smile, nodding. “Leave Chuck to me. I’ll get him when we have wrestling practice. Want me to get in a hit or two for you?”

“Fuck yeah.” Sweet Pea answered with no hesitation.

As class started, Sweet Pea found himself dwelling on Chuck’s assumption that Alyssa was his girl. Wondering if everyone else thought the same. Trying to figure out exactly how he felt about it and wondering if he needed to nip it in the bud for Alyssa’s sake. Wondering how she’d feel about having the assumption thrown at her.

He didn’t have to wait long to find out, because as he wandered the hallway looking for Alyssa and Toni during free period, he turned a corner and found her in a quiet heated discussion with Reggie Mantle, who was going overboard lately with the gifts and gestures to try and win her back.

XXX

“You act like it’s hard to break up with the guy, princess. All you have to do is just stop talking to him. Stop hanging out with them all the time. C’mon. Did you not see just how serious the trouble they can bring you was when the police raided the South Side last night and arrested half of ‘em?” Reggie leaned against a locker, gazing down at me.

I rolled my eyes. Worried about everyone’s assumption that Sweet Pea and I were a thing as of late. Worried that people saying this stupid shit was going to make him like me even less and make those few little friendly moments we’ve managed to have lately vanish.

And that was the last thing I wanted.

But I wasn’t so worried about people assuming Sweet Pea and I were together that I immediately shot down the assumption as Reggie made it.

Instead, I folded my arms over my chest. Gazed up at him, annoyed. “Are you still trying to win the bet? Is that what this is, Reg? That has to be all you want with me.” I mused. Reggie instantly shook his head, trying to reassure me that anything physical had nothing to do with it. Reminding me that he loved me and losing me was killing him. I laughed at that one.

“You don’t even know my favorite color. You don’t know anything about who I actually am, Reggie. You’ve based all of these feelings on the me you knew in fourth grade. I’m not the same girl. Not by a stretch.”

Reggie grumbled. Grabbed hold of my hip. “I know this, princess. And your favorite color is pink, by the way.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “It’s actually black, meatball.”

“But you always wore pink stuff…”

“Have I since we broke up and I didn’t have to pretend to be some quiet little priss though?” I questioned, waiting on Reggie to really stop and think. Realize that he was looking at me through blinders.

“Sweet Pea is not the kind of guy you date unless you want to piss off your family.” Reggie ground out the words, his jaw clenching. I could tell the entire situation was totally lost on him. Before I could stop myself, or stop to think that maybe Sweet Pea didn’t want the entire student body thinking he was bored or desperate enough to date me to begin with, my temper got the best of me and I blurted out, “ There you go, saying stupid crap without stopping to really think. How do you know I didn’t choose you strictly to piss off my family though? How do you really know I’m not choosing Sweet Pea because I actually care about him? I mean... think about it, Reggie.” flashing a smirk as I said it.

Petty and childish? Yes. Did I care much beyond hurting him like he hurt me weeks ago when he made the bet in the first place? Or every single time he’d casually speak over me or try to subtly suggest I do something differently to please him? No. No, I did not.

“Your dad liked me though.” was all Reggie could offer up as rebuttal.

I laughed, rolling my eyes. “You don’t take hints very well, do ya meatball?” I opened my locker, digging through it for the books I’d need after free period ended. Reggie sighed. “ You’re the first girl I actually loved. Forgive me if I’m not willing to stand back and watch you throw it all away on some fucking prick in a gang.”

This irritated me. Way more than it normally would’ve. I think it was just because of whom he was referring to and my growing feelings as of late. I slammed my locker door and whirled around, stepping closer to Reggie.

“But Reggie.. If I actually want Sweet Pea, then it’s not throwing myself away, now is it? Aw.. I know what this is. You’re afraid I’d let him punch my V card before you. Newsflash, Reggie.. If I were going to give it up.. I’d choose him one hell of a lot quicker than you.”

Reggie looked so hurt. And deep down I felt terrible for all the things I’ve said whenever Reggie Mantle forces me into a corner with this shit. I really do regret every single thing I’ve said. I hate hurting him, but he won’t just let me go. He has to keep fighting. Insisting that he loves me. Insisting that he knows me so well when I’m not stupid. I know he doesn’t really love me, more or less, he loves the idea of me. And he doesn’t know the person I am now at all. He only knows the quiet and sweet little girl I used to be back then.

He doesn’t want to know the real me. Every time I tried to open up to him and show him bits of myself, he’d quickly try and stamp it out under the guise of concern and care.

I did my best to keep a straight face. To pretend as if I didn’t feel the least bit of remorse saying everything I’ve been saying to him since we broke up.

After a few seconds of tension filled silence, I sighed and shook my head. Looking up at Reggie.

“You have to leave me alone, Reggie. I don’t love you like that. I thought I did but I.. I don’t, okay? This is over. The more you try to fight for it, the further you push me away. Move on already. Find any of the other girls here that are dying to date you. Just leave me alone.”

“I don’t want anybody else. I want you.” Reggie said it frantically, putting his hand on my upper arms. Gazing down at me. Biting his lip.

 And it killed me. It really killed me. 

Because I’ve had enough time by now to realize that I don’t feel the same way about Reggie that he insists he feels about me. Something in me snapped and I raised a hand, placing it palm down against his chest to keep him at bay when he tried to step closer. Shaking my head and gazing up at him as I told him firmly. Quietly. “And I don’t want you. This has to stop.”

“You’d really choose that Serpent… over me.” Reggie looked so hurt. He tried to hide it, but I could see it in his eyes. He shook his head sadly.

“I already did if you want me to be honest...” I admitted, going quiet. Feeling like a weight had been lifted at me even admitting the way I felt about Sweet Pea to anyone.

Nevermind that I was admitting it to Reggie, in the hopes of forcing him to finally leave me alone.

It hit me hard. I meant every single word of it.

Somehow, knowing that didn’t have me up in arms. I felt calmer. More relaxed.

“Whatever. When you get hurt, princess… all you have to do is come back to me.”

“Reggie, you have to let go.” I grumbled, gritting my teeth. Shaking my head at him being as stubborn as he was being about this whole thing.

Rather than argue, I sighed. Shrugging.

“We’ll see.” I side stepped Reggie and made my way down the hallway and into the student’s break room.

XXX

Sweet Pea stood there, shocked for a second. Everything she’d just told Reggie played over and over again in his mind. It froze him in place and he stood there in a daze. Just letting himself even begin to attempt processing what she told Reggie with no actual hesitation on her part.

 Suddenly, he found himself thinking back. Going over every single interaction that he had with her since they’d been thrown together in Biology. Before that, even. When he’d taken his motorcycle through the car wash fundraiser that the Vixens held one weekend right after she moved to town. The way he’d just kind of.. Seen her and singled her out. Behaving like a jackass because at the time, he’d written her off already. Nevermind that he didn’t know her at all. He’d kind of hung around the car wash that day, giving her hell. Getting a little more curious whenever he’d say something and she’d argue right back. He chuckled quietly when he remembered the part where she’d finally had enough and she’d taken her entire bucket of soap and upended it on his white tee shirt and then she’d doused him with the hose on full blast.

He listened closer. Alyssa only continued to confirm her feelings. His fists clenched every single time Reggie had the audacity to insist that she was making the wrong decision. Every part of him wanted to step out and reveal himself, but curiosity kept him hidden. Listening. Rooted where he stood until he knew the conversation between Alyssa and Sweet Pea was reaching an end because he could tell by the tone in Alyssa’s voice that her patience was reaching it’s last thin strand.

He finally had the sense  to rush away down the hall when he heard her walking away. Flopping over the back of the couch in the student break room and settling across it. Staring at the ceiling as he replayed her entire argument with Reggie Mantle. Everything she’d admitted that she felt for him in the process.

Having a verbal confirmation that he was wrong and Alyssa Andrews did have feelings for him completely threw him for a loop. He’d been content to just keep going like they were. Keeping his own growing feelings deeply hidden. To just keep being her friend because it was so much easier than making a move and ruining a friendship.

But now that he knew how she felt… Everything in him wanted to fight. To start attempting to make his own feelings for her known.

He chuckled to himself and made a mental note to tell Fangs later that he’d been right. And he had no doubt in his mind that Fangs was never going to let him forget that, not for a single second.

The door to the break room flew open and Alyssa wandered in, flopping against the couch dramatically. Her head leaning against his thigh. Making him catch his breath a little at the rush it sent racing through his body.

Everything felt amplified right now. From the smallest brush of soft red hair against his arm, to the way her perfume smelled.. The way she looked up at him with a raised brow and slowly licked her lips before asking him what he was giving her that goofy look for.

God, he thought to himself, if we were anywhere but school grounds right now… He quickly pushed the thought out, shrugging. Staying quiet, because he was half afraid if he opened his mouth right now, everything he wanted and needed to say was going to spill out. Messy. Unplanned.

Not how he wanted to go about doing it when he finally figured out how at all.

No, when he finally told her.. He was going to do it in a way that she had absolutely no doubt in her mind that he meant every single word he said.

She nestled her head completely on his thigh and if he thought the jolt at her doing so before was something, this time it was downright electric. Putting him on pins and needles instantly.

“Toni, have you heard anything?” she asked Toni.

Toni shook her head no. Veronica spoke up. “According to someone in the office, her mother came in and told Mr. Weatherbee that due to a family emergency, she was being taken out of school for a while?”

Alyssa shot up off the couch and Toni swore, standing to drag her hands through her hair.

Veronica cleared her throat. Looking from Alyssa to Toni. “Oh no. No you don’t, either of you, whatever you’re thinking.. If you go storming over there right now, guns blazing, it’s only going to make things worse.”

“What the hell do we do then? I’m not letting my girlfriend be locked away like some shit straight out of V.C Andrews, Lodge.” Toni said it calmly, but Sweet Pea knew she was panicking. And he had a second to think. If someone had done that to Alyssa, he’d be storming the place himself.

He took a deep breath. Grabbing hold of Alyssa’s hand. “I know you would literally fist fight God because she’s your best friend. Maybe Lodge is right.” his face went sour as the words left his mouth and Veronica mouthed thank you at him. Sweet Pea got Alyssa sitting down again. “I will physically restrain you, cherry, don’t test me.”

This time when he saw her blushing just slightly as they locked eyes, he knew he wasn’t imagining it. 

Veronica cleared her throat, pointing out the obvious flaws in what Toni and Alyssa had been seconds away from doing in going to Thornhill and confronting Penelope Blossom. She emphasized that maybe it would be easier if they went when they knew Penelope was away from the house. Maybe if they talked to the staff left on premises or to Nana Rose even..

“I doubt we’d get anything out of her.”  Toni butted in, reminding Veronica that the woman was starting to go senile. Veronica spoke up. “It’s worth a try. I say the three of us go over this afternoon. Under the guise of delivering her assignments. One of the girls on the welcome committee normally does that. I can talk to her and talk her into letting me do it instead. And you two can go with me. If I can get it out of her Nana where she’s been taken, then we’ll regroup  somewhere and plan accordingly.”

“I still say we just go straight to the source. We know Penelope’s behind this.”I pointed out. Too angry to really stop and think about things clearly. All I wanted was to go and storm the place.

“And that’s why we need to proceed with caution. Because whatever we do will come back on Cheryl. We don’t want that. She’s our friend.”

“And my girlfriend.” Toni spoke up quietly. Mulling over Veronica’s carefully thought out proposal.

Sweet Pea eyed Alyssa. “You know she’s playing the smarter game here, Cherry.” 

Alyssa grumbled but ultimately nodded. “Fine. Fine. Okay, we’ll try to figure out where Penelope’s taken her first.”

And Sweet Pea relaxed a little, not even realizing just how much he’d tensed up just then. 

Alyssa settled back against his leg, digging around until she found some romance novel in her messenger bag, opening it to where she’d left off reading.

Sweet Pea feigned interest in his cell phone. Not bothering to move himself because he didn’t want her thinking he didn’t want her close. Toni glanced at the two just when Sweet Pea’s fingers tangled in Alyssa’s thick red hair as he gazed down at his phone intently.

“Hey, you two. Look up and say Snakes.” Toni called out to Sweet Pea and Alyssa. Sweet Pea glanced up, giving her a dirty look almost as soon as he saw her phone raised. Shaking his head. Alyssa rose up a little, leaning against him dramatically, holding up her middle finger against the side of her face visible to the camera as she locked eyes with him, laughing quietly. “It’s just a picture, Sweet Pea.”

“I realize this, Cherry. But I want to be an asshole, so…”

She pouted at him, laughing quietly.

He let an arm settle around the back of the couch and across her shoulder indirectly. Pulling her closer as subtly as he could get away with. She gazed up at him a second or two, swallowing hard and Sweet Pea bit his lip, smirking right back at her.

From across the room, a throat cleared.

Jughead leaned in the doorway. “They’re letting Fangs out.”

Sweet Pea went to stand. Alyssa smiled. Digging around in her messenger bag for a pen. Taking hold of his hand. He raised a brow watching as she wrote a phone number across his palm in black ink.

She kept hold of his hand and muttered softly, “If they try anything.. Call that number. Ask for Mary Andrews. Tell her everything you find out and let her talk to Fangs. Don’t let them toss him a shitty public defender if they have anything they think they can take to court, okay? Please.” before smiling, nodding towards the door. “You need to get going. You guys are gonna have to sneak him out, I’m pretty sure of it. A bunch of people were all stirred up when that news report came on tv last night about him being a suspect in Midge’s death.” 

Sweet Pea nodded. He took a step towards the door, but he stopped to look back. “If anything feels weird when you guys go to check up on Cheryl, cherry.. Don’t push. Just leave and go find someone.”

He knew she crossed her fingers behind her back and he grumbled to himself, shaking his head. “I mean it.”

“Okay, alright, shit. Go. Go get our idiot out of there.” 

Sweet Pea nodded and stepped out into the hallway with Jughead. “If the tension gets any thicker, Pea, you’re both gonna explode.”

“If only you knew, Jug. If only you knew.”

Jughead eyed him and as they walked towards the police station, noting the crowd gathered out front angrily, they ducked behind the building to meet up with Fangs instead. As they stood there waiting on their friend’s release from jail, Sweet Pea found himself telling Jughead every single thing he’d overheard in the hallway.

Jughead chuckled quietly. Nodding.

“So.. please tell me you’re going for it.” Jughead glanced at him. Sweet Pea took a few shaky breaths and nodded. “Subtly though. She made it really clear to Reggie that she’s trying to get her head on right.”

“Yeah, given what Archie told me about Chicago, I don’t really blame her.”

“What happened?” Sweet Pea asked. He halfway didn’t expect Jughead to trust him enough to tell him. To his surprise, Jughead told him everything he knew… From the fighting Alyssa kept getting in trouble with. Sneaking out to frat parties, getting brought back to her mom’s place in cop cars at 3 am. And then he took a deep breath and told him quietly, “This part stays between us though. And it’s the biggest reason Archie’s twice as protective of her as he is right now. She got mixed up with this older guy, an asshole named Dave Novak. Guy was trying to pressure her into.. Stuff. You know what I mean.” Jughead stopped talking and glanced at Sweet Pea and Sweet Pea nodded. His jaw setting firm because he got the feeling that he was not going to like anything Jughead told him.

And as Jughead got into the whole thing, from the pictures sent because Dave pressured her into doing it, to the way Dave basically started trying to isolate her and put distance between herself and her mother.. To her finally having enough and breaking things off. Telling her mother what happened when Dave wouldn’t take a hint and leave her alone and he kept showing up. Leaving her harassing calls. Uploading the pictures he’d pressured her into sending him of herself to some revenge porn website.

Sweet Pea’s fist clenched and he took a deep breath. “Fuck.”

“Yeah. When all this Black Hood shit started, Archie’s first thought was Novak. But he found out Novak got arrested for pulling similar shit that he’d pulled on Alyssa with a way younger girl and he’s in prison.”

“He better fucking stay there.” Sweet Pea muttered quietly.

“Oh, trust me. If he gets out and he’s dumb enough to show here? You’re gonna have to fall in line. Behind Archie’s dad and Archie. Because Archie went with Fred to pick her up from Chicago and she told them everything on the way back because she was pretty scared. It took everything in them both not to go back and find the guy themselves.” Jughead informed, shaking his head. “She’s always kinda been a handful though.”

“Yeah. I kind of got that idea when Archie was talking about some of the stuff she used to do when they were kids last night. When he was trying to embarrass her but he only made her spray him with the sink hose instead?” Sweet Pea chuckled. Going serious. Staring at the number scrawled across his palm in black ink.

He wasn’t used to anyone giving a shit.

In all of this, adjusting to the fact that she did in fact, give a shit, was probably the biggest thing he was having to adjust to. Because he just wasn’t used to it at all.

Fangs finally made his way out of the station and as soon as they spotted him, the two made their way over, trying to get Fangs out of there as quickly as possible.

Just as they shoved through the crowd, Reggie and some of the other Bulldogs stepped forward, attempting to block their path. As Sweet Pea, Fangs and Jughead as well as some of the other Serpents who’d shown up were trying to fight their way through that situation, a shot rang out.

Fangs hit the ground and Sweet Pea and Jughead dropped beside him. Trying to stop the blood as it flowed from their friends body.

The Bulldogs scattered, as did the rest of the Serpents.When someone finally came to help them, they were rushing Fangs to the hospital. And in the hours following, all Sweet Pea could do was sit there and wait.

Quiet. Angry. With absolutely no way to keep himself calm.

XXX

Veronica came rushing back towards where Toni and I were hidden in the flower bushes that surrounded Thornhill, blocking a clear view of the place. Veronica cleared her throat. “Nana Rose is more clear headed than we thought, ladies. She’s clear-headed enough that she saw you two hiding in the bushes and she wants you to come in too.”

Toni and I shared a look. Wary.

“Penelope’s not in there, right?”

“Nope. That meeting she had with my father will take a few hours at least. Which is perfect, because it gives us time to find Cheryl and get her somewhere safe.” Veronica reassured us.

Toni and I walked in behind Veronica. My eyes darted around as I stood in the entryway of the grand lodge. I’d only been here twice as a kid. Both times Cheryl snuck me in right under her mother’s nose.

The place always felt more like a well kept tomb than a home to me and I always remember feeling horrible about having to sneak back home, knowing I had to leave my best friend behind in such a place.

If not for Jason, I would have felt so much worse. But Jason was gone now, Cheryl no longer had someone with her day in and day out to protect her from her cold hearted shrew of a mother.

Toni nudged me and I realized that Nana Rose was speaking to me. Offering a fond smile. “I remember you. You’re the little one Cheryl used to sneak in to play. Sit.” she told the three of us, nodding towards a deep red velvet covered chaise lounge opposite her wheel chair.

After a few minutes, the old woman sighed, shook her head sadly. “Penelope’s taken her from me. Took her off to that Sisters of Quiet Mercy. Because she refuses to have her daughter’s behavior in this house.”

“And yet..” I started but Toni quickly covered my mouth. Nana Rose gazed at me, nodding.

Veronica spoke up quietly. “Do you happen to know what happened to you?” she asked the question in concern.

“Of course. That hell spawn I call a daughter in law tried to kill me. Cheryl found out what she was up to.. Found me.” Nana Rose was starting to get that vacant look in her eyes and the three of us stood. Checking to make sure the woman was comfortable and that she had everything she wanted or needed in her reach before we made a hasty retreat out of the manor.

Once we were outside, Toni and I both exploded, talking over each other. Thinking up clever ways we’d love to get even with Penelope Blossom if we knew we could get away with it. Veronica cleared her throat, bringing us both to a hush a few seconds later.

“We have to break her out. You guys realize that the Sisters perform extensive conversion therapy, right?”

We shared a look and swallowed hard. “Like a conversion camp? To scare the gay away? What the fuck.” Toni dragged her hand through her hair as she stood there, trying to process. Freaking out even more because now we knew where our friend was. 

“We can try to break in and get her tonight. Pretty sure whatever meeting my father’s having with Penelope won’t be over for a while. I can get Archie to stall if we need.”

“One day all bets are gonna be off and I’m going to crush that woman’s vocal cords with my thighs.” I grumbled quietly as we hurried back towards town. To Pops so we could sit and think. Maybe come up with some sort of plan.

“Get in line behind me, cherry. Get in line behind me.” Toni muttered, hugging herself as she shook her head. 

XXX

The  doctors came out, solemn and quiet. With FP glancing at both Sweet Pea and Jughead.

“Fangs didn’t make it.”

Sweet Pea felt his stomach churning. He stood in a hurry. Still angry from earlier. Convinced that one of the Bulldogs had been the one to fire the shot. Jughead only barely managed to stop Sweet Pea just shy of destroying the waiting room completely.

“We’re gonna meet down by the quarry. Have a little memorial. Then we’re all going to focus on finding out who the fuck did this to our boy. Do you read me, kid?” FP grabbed hold of Sweet Pea, giving him a firm gaze.

“We know who did it. One of those fucking bulldogs.”

“Sweet Pea..”

“Shut it, Jug. The only one who’s halfway decent is Andrews and that’s questionable right now.” Sweet Pea ground out the words angrily.

“You need to get a fucking grip, kid.” FP commanded. Knowing it wouldn’t do him a lot of good. Feeling bad because he was having to lie to his son and one of the most loyal members of the gang but reminding himself that it was for Fangs own good. The quicker he got the kid out of town until the heat was off, the better.

“I need to go find whoever the fuck shot him and get even.” Sweet Pea answered calmly before storming off.

“Get going, Jug. Go after him and make sure he doesn’t do something stupid, son. I mean it. Now.” FP ordered his son. Jughead eyed him, a brow raised.

“I said go, son.” FP repeated firmly. Nodding to the door. Jughead raced out, stopping Sweet Pea in the parking lot. Getting him at least  a little reigned in.

“I know you don’t like me. But trust me right now, okay? The Bulldogs were not the one to fire that shot today. It doesn’t make sense. We’d have seen them.”

“Mantle had something in his jacket.”

“I doubt it was a gun. Let me dig around before you go off on a wild hair, Pea.”

“We don’t have time for you to play detective.”

“We’re going to make sure we get the right person and make them pay. I want them to pay just as much as you do.” 

Sweet Pea eyed him and then grumbled. “Fine. If you don’t find who did this by the end of the week, I’m getting some guys together and we’re doing this my way. We clear, Jones?”

“Crystal, Sweet Pea.” Jughead took a deep breath. Hoping he could pull off a miracle in just a few days.

XXX

Veronica gave Toni and I the thumbs up and we slipped in through the back way. Grabbing some nurses uniforms and quickly putting them on. We hurried through the halls, about halfway down the first one when Veronica slipped in and caught up to us.

“The wing she’s listed as is down the left hall. Not this one.” Veronica nodded and Toni and I walked down the hallway quickly. Once we found the door with Cheryl’s name on it, we peered up and down the hall to make sure it was all clear.

Nobody was around. Toni burst into the room. Going straight for Cheryl. Fussing over her, the two of them crying as Toni helped her out of bed. “God bless your Nana Rose.” I muttered as I made my way over after giving them time to reunite. Pulling her into a hug. “You scared the living hell out of me.”

“I didn’t even know what my mother was up to until she got me here.” Cheryl hugged me back. Veronica peeked in, nodding at us to hurry. “Run. Now. I’m going out to bring the car around.”

She took off to bring around the car she’d borrowed and the three of us hurried down the hall just as one of the night guards glanced up. Before he could say anything, we were at the end of the hallway.

And then one of the nuns stepped out.

We turned, bolting back the other way. Making a break for the other exit in the building, but then Toni spotted a door leading down to the basement open. She grabbed Cheryl and pulled her in and I leaned in. Hissing quietly, “You guys go down this. Follow it to the end. I’ll meet you outside.”

I hurried through the exit at the end of the hall, ditching the nurses uniform and hat as I went. Skidding to a stop in front of a tunnel. Veronica ran over, and between the two of us, we figured out how to get the padlock undone.

By the time we heard Toni and Cheryl’s footsteps in the tunnel, we had the door open and we were hissing at them to speed it up because we could hear the night guards outside shouting back and forth, looking for the escaped patient.

We tumbled into Veronica’s borrowed car out of breath and shocked we’d actually pulled it off.

And then, Toni checked her phone.

“We need to go to the hospital.”

I eyed her.

“Fangs. When the guys went to get him from the station, somebody fired a shot. It.. It hit Fangs.”

Veronica dropped us off at the door of the hospital and the three of us hurried inside just as Sweet Pea was storming out. Angry. Shouting.

And deeper down, upset. Hurting.

I could see it in his eyes.

Toni ran in with Cheryl in tow to find out what was going on and I caught up to Sweet Pea.

“Hey.. Whoa. Calm down.”

“He’s dead.”

I blinked in shock.

“No.” I shook my head. It didn’t make sense at all. “What happened?”

Sweet Pea was sitting on the sidewalk outside of the hospital by now. I sat down next to him. Trying to gauge the situation before doing anything. Eventually realizing that tonight was the time to push any feelings or anything else in my mind down and just be there for my friend. I leaned against him a little, putting an arm around him. The chill in the air crept in and I realized that I hadn’t even grabbed a jacket earlier, I’d been totally focused on the mission Toni and I had in going to break Cheryl out of the Sisters of Quiet Mercy.

“Those assholes on the football team blocked us so we couldn’t get him outta there fast enough. Started fighting. And in the middle of all that, somebody took out a gun and shot it. They hit Fangs.” Sweet Pea muttered the words quietly. As if he were in shock.

“I left earlier. Was going to go find ‘em. Jughead stopped me. I still want to though. Reggie…” he trailed off, going quiet. I tensed a little, reaching up to grab his jaw. Guiding his eyes down so that he had to look at me. “Was Reggie the one with the gun?”

My stomach churned. Because as much as I needed to know the answer, I was also afraid to hear it. It didn’t track with the kind of guy Reggie was, but these past few weeks have been a real eye opener for me about people I thought I knew.

“All I know, Cherry… He went in his pocket for somethin, right before the shot was fired.”

I fought back the way everything I ate rose up my throat. Took a few shaky breaths. “Was the place as crowded as it was last night?”

“More, actually.”

“It could’ve been any of them.” I bit my lip as I said it. Sighing. Shaking my head. “But if he was reaching into his pocket… Do the cops know you saw him reach for his pocket?”

“Do you really think they’re gonna listen to me, Cherry?” Sweet Pea held my gaze, taking shaky breaths. I swallowed hard, nodding in agreement. Because he was right. They damn sure hadn’t bothered to listen to Fangs when Fangs tried again and again to prove his innocence, hours following his arrest.

I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea or why I did it, but I moved from sitting on the sidewalk beside him to sitting in his lap. Facing him. Leaning against him. Starting to tear up myself because it wasn’t even two days ago Fangs and I had been arm wrestling at lunch. Taunting one another.  And if I wanted to sob right now, I couldn’t imagine just how bad Sweet Pea was hurting.

“They won’t listen to you. But maybe they’ll listen to me.”

“Whatever you’re thinkin, don’t.” Sweet Pea gazed at me firmly shaking his head no. I sighed, nodding. “That goes double for you, okay? I mean it, Sweet Pea. Whatever you’re thinking about doing.. Don’t do it yet.”

“I already told Jughead and FP I’d stand down. I don’t fucking want to, but Jughead thinks he can dig around. Find out who actually fired the shot.”

I nodded, leaning into him a little. “Right now you have to be super careful. Because those assholes in there are looking for literally any excuse to lock you guys up… And I don’t want that to happen, okay?” I gazed into his eyes, my hands on either side of his neck. My thumb dragging softly over the raised imprint of the double headed Serpent on the side of his neck.

He sighed again and then he leaned forward. Dipping his head down. Resting it against my chest. I didn’t say anything, but I knew when he started to silently cry. And I sat there, not moving. Letting him get it out.

Toni and Cheryl were walking out of the hospital, hugging each other. They were both crying too. When they sank down to the sidewalk beside us, nobody really said anything for at least ten minutes.

There wasn’t anything to say. We were all too shocked.

“Cheryl, we need to talk to my dad about stashing you at my place. Warn him what’s going on.” I muttered after about ten minutes. Cheryl nodded silently. Toni spoke up. “It doesn’t feel real.”

I nodded in agreement quietly. “You guys go ahead to my dads. If you go up the side of the house, my window should be open.”

Toni eyed me and I mouthed, “I’m behind you guys. Just trying to make sure the giant lug is okay.” to her as she nodded. And then they were gone, leaving me with Sweet Pea.

“You need some sleep, Pea.”

“I need to find out which one of ‘em did this, Cherry.”

“Let Jughead try first, okay?” I pleaded. Knowing in the back of my mind that most likely, my pleas held no weight with him in the situation because I wasn’t deluding myself here. I was still an outsider. He probably tolerated me for the sake of our shared friends.

And me pleading with him to take it easy, keep a low profile right now was admittedly selfish on my part because I loved him.

As selfish as it was, it didn’t stop me from trying.

“You need to get goin.” Sweet Pea muttered quietly. Gazing up at me, biting his lip. I shook my head. “ I don’t wanna leave you like this.”

He nodded and after I pulled myself to my feet, he stood up too. We started down the sidewalk and the further the hospital got from view, the heavier the tension seemed to get. I reached down and laced my fingers through his. Squeezing his hand.

He squeezed my hand back. Taking a few deep breaths.

“I’ll let Jughead try to find answers first.” he spoke up solemnly as we made our way into my dad’s house. I nodded, lingering at the bottom of the stairs. Making sure he actually settled down and tried to sleep.

After a few minutes, I went into the kitchen. Found my father sitting up, talking quietly with FP about something. Agreeing that whatever FP had done was something that needed to be done for safety.

They stopped talking when I pulled out the kitchen chair and sat down in it.

“Tiny, it’s late. What are you doing up?”

I shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep. I.. I wanted to ask you something. Can Cheryl stay here with me a few days?”

My dad nodded. “Penelope, huh?”

“Mhm.”

“Do I want to know?” he asked.

“She stuck her in Sisters of Quiet Mercy. Cheryl barely made it out of there.” I answered as I opened the fridge, digging around for a soda. Pulling the tab and taking a drink. Sinking down into a chair across the table from my father. Staring at the can of soda in front of me for a few seconds. Because between the events of the evening, I was just barely starting to process.

“She did what now?” my dad asked, gazing at me. Waiting on me to tell the whole story. I told him what we thought was the reason she’d done it, but I didn’t mention that Toni,Veronica and I had gone and gotten her out of there ourselves earlier. 

Then I spoke up again quietly after a few seconds. “Fangs was shot when he left the station. The doctor said he didn’t make it.”

“C’mere, tiny.” my dad held his arms open and I went into them, smooshing myself against him as I started to cry all over again. FP stood and cleared his throat. “I’m gonna make sure that kid Sweet Pea is actually in the livin room with the others and not out.. Trying to look for somebody to pay for it.”

“Yeah, you do that.” my dad answered, breaking the hug to glance at me. I shook my head. “It doesn’t feel real.”

“I know, tiny. I know.” he answered quietly, using a tone he always used to soothe my brother and I when we were little and we came to him upset about something. “If they have a memorial or anything and you wanna go, I’ll take you.”

“Please?”

“Yeah. You need to get upstairs and actually  get to sleep now. I’m pretty sure I know where you were earlier.”

I eyed him.

“You’re my kid. I know when you’re sneaking into and out of the house, tiny.” my dad gave me a small smile and I nodded. Letting out a deep breath as I stepped into the living room. Bumping into FP.

“He didn’t sneak out, did he?” I asked in concern.

FP gave me a knowing smirk. “Nah. He’s in the living room, talking to Archie about what happened. Any reason you’re askin, little red?”

I shrugged. Swallowed hard and managed the feeble answer, “Because he’s my friend and I was worried about him when I saw him at the hospital just now.”

“Mhm. Well, he’s here. Madder than hell. Plotting someone’s end, but he’s here. Keep an eye on him, will ya?”

“Yes sir.” I answered, hurrying up the stairs and into my room. Cheryl and Toni were sitting up talking and I shut the door behind me.

“I told dad where you were and I asked if you could stay here. He said you could definitely stay here. I did not tell him that we were behind your escape. I doubt anybody will do anything, but.. If they do, ah well.” I shrugged as I flopped onto the foot of my bed, glancing up at the two of them, propped on my elbow.

“Fuck them if they do. If they do, we’ll turn over everything we know about Penelope.”

“My mother told me that it was one of the Vixens who told her about Toni and I...” Cheryl spoke up, shaking her head. Disgusted with it. I grumbled to myself about it, glancing at her. “Yeah, it figures it’d be one of them.”

“And when I find out which one, they’re on my shit list.” Toni spoke up quietly.

Glancing over at me. “How’s Sweet Pea?” she asked a minute or two later.

“He’s still downstairs. He’s still messed up about Fangs. I’m just hoping to hell he listens to Jughead and at least tries to let Jughead find out who really shot the gun because I…” I went quiet, shaking my head.

“Yeah. I don’t want anything to happen either. But the whole thing didn’t help tensions at all. FP said earlier that he might have found a place on the outskirts for all of us to go. Some old fairground or something.”

“Yeah. I think that’s what he and my dad were whispering about just now. He knows we all snuck in, by the way.” I informed.

“We should all try to get some sleep. Doubt any of us can, but we should at least try.” Toni spoke up quietly. Cheryl and I nodded in agreement and then the three of us proceeded to do the exact opposite, sitting up all night to hold our own little private memorial for Fangs Fogarty. Talking about all the stuff we’d managed to get into, laughing through tears. Stating what we’d miss about him.

When we finally did attempt sleep, the sun was just starting to come up.

[far-off-flower-fields]

Weird Questions that say a lot

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups!

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? We call elementary school primary school. It depended which teachers you asked, my favourites always said I was “conscientious, kind, and a pleasure to have in class”.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Glass cups or bottles.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? I have like 4 looks, pastel, boho, and goth/witchy/grunge, also vintage-inspired which wasn’t mentioned but I love it.

7. earbuds or headphones? Depends on the shape, I love my Razr headset because it doesn’t squash my ears, and I like galaxy bud shaped earbuds, the ones with the little rubber doo-dads that fit actually in your ear. Apple or a lot of older flat earbuds cause me a lot of pain.

8. movies or tv shows? TV shows. Movies are getting longer and longer and my focus is getting shorter and shorter

9. favorite smell in the summer? Rainy days!

10. game you were best at in p.e.? The game of queue-ducking (where you go to the back of the queue to avoid your turn), or dance, or the less strength intensive parts of gymnastics. Or crying, always been great at that xD

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? Muesli, or nothing.

12. name of your favorite playlist? I prefer to listen to full albums rather than playlists, but I have a few favourites on Spotify. Born to Run 150BPM, Infinite Indie Folk, Irish Folk: Jigs and Reels, All Out 80s/90s/00s. I also love scene/pop-punk playlists.

13. lanyard or key ring? Key Ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? Message Hearts (or anything with that texture), the red pack of starbursts (the UK version is vegan). Does Turkish Delight count because if so then that is my fave. I also like gummies if they’re vegan.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? To Kill a Mockingbird (high school), or The Bloody Chamber (uni), or Hamlet (uni)

16. most comfortable position to sit in? One foot under me, the other foot out to the other side, but both in the same position (if the surface is flat), or knees up.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? I own a lot of shoes so there isn’t really a single pair I wear the most. Recently my Air Force 1s, I’m trying to wear them in because the previous owner didn’t so the cause blisters.

18. ideal weather? Cold, overcast, rainy, still. Or without the rain. or snow (as long as I’m not going in the car and I can go crunch my shoes in it xD

19. sleeping position? Either side, but my body is kinda rotated towards the bed so it’s like half way between on my stomach and on my side. 

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? Notebooks

21. obsession from childhood? Animals, dinosaurs, goddesses, magic, crystals, neopets, sims. I still love all of these things, I am a rotating door of obsessions, usually a bunch of the same obsessions on repeat.

22. role model? I don’t have one particular role model, I do have tons of people that I love and respect.

23. strange habits? I have so many strange habits that I have become one myself. Nothing actually stands out though because 99% of it is because of my brain.

24. favorite crystal? rose quartz or moonstone.

25. first song you remember hearing? Maybe Dancing Queen by ABBA, definitely the first I remember dancing to, but my dad loves music so I grew up with a constant stream of it.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Suffer xD when I’m able to do so comfortably I’d love to go out looking for pretty stones, and nice sticks with my fiance, also would like to go on picnics with him, or a friend if I had one.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? Baking, drawing, crafts, standing in the rain. Everything.

28. five songs to describe you? 6/10 - Dodie Robert Frost - Mal Blum Caught in the Middle - Paramore Side Effects - Jade Bird Snitches Get Stitches - Onsind  Bonus track: The Seed - Aurora I wish I still had the playlist I made of songs I relate to, several of these were on it though.

29. best way to bond with you? Oversharing, or telling me about things you’re into.

30. places that you find sacred? Nature. My favourite spots are little creeks/rivers in wooded areas, but just like, all of it is special and should be treated as such. Also bedrooms.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I think maybe I’m not gutsy or whatever enough, but also unpredictable. I wear whatever I like, and I’m just as likely to cry in all of them as I am to accidentally get in a fight.

32. top favorite vines? I feel so basic because I never really did the vine thing.  There was one that nearly killed me because I literally started to choke that was in some kind of office and the bit like can you run this past me again, and they just fucking legged it past them holding a folder up, Saw it once, never saw it again. Road work ahead. Why you can’t lift a house (might be a tok?) Brass dad and oven kid Look at this graaaaph Never learned how to read I can’t sit I have hemorrhoids The one with the people in blankets bobbing the nana nanana song Fr esh avo ca do Look at all these chickens

33. most used phrase in your phone? I love you - if I had to guess

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? right now, nothing. I often get the old Super Liquor jingle lodged in there though.

35. average time you fall asleep? 6am?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Charlie the unicorn or that one Noodles video by Cyanide and Happiness. Are those even memes?

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Depends. I mostly use a bag though since I never go anywhere for long.

38. lemonade or tea? Tea? Usually if you ask for lemonade here you get Sprite which is not lemonade.

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? I had a vegan lemon meringue pie once, so good. Cake is easier to make though, and I can eat more in one sitting without getting sick xD

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Um, the principal in my last year of school got caught for being a peeping tom a few years after I left.

41. last person you texted? My Fiance.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Depends on the rest of the outfit and the weather. I wear Jean jackets most though.

44. favorite scent for soap? I love lavender, or vanilla/candy/fruity/baked goods type scents. I still have a bottle of Sugar Fairy spray from lush from a year ago and I love the smell of that.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy I think.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Nekkid?

47. favorite type of cheese? As a kid it was feta. Now I only eat vegan cheese. I was never a huge cheese fan tbh.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? Rotten xD um probably a cranberry or something because I’m small, and I’m not a fan of cranberry.

49. what saying or quote do you live by? An it harm none do what you will. Or treat others as you wish to be treated.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? Probably one of the vines I listed above, either “run it past” or “can’t lift a house” because both of those resulted in crying and choking.

51. current stresses? My cat has been throwing up and having diarrhoea the past week or so, she’s been to the vet, it got better for a bit, but tonight suddenly got worse. Living with my parents who I have a very toxic relationship with. Living in a single very overfilled room. Trying to not spend money so that I can save up to move next year. Nightmares about my trauma. Either the house is haunted or there’s a build up of negative energy (probably that).

52. favorite font? I always liked the look of all of the script style fonts (freestyle, french, lucida, lucida calligraphy, Edwardian, Palace) but they’re not accessible so for anything people will actually see (which is literally nothing) I always go with arial.

53. what is the current state of your hands? Slight rash on one finger because I’m sensitive to what is in a lot of hand washing products apparently (never an issue until the pandemic), one broken finger nail that is a bit shorter than the rest. Not painted nails because energy. I always wear my engagement ring, usually I wear several other rings but with how my skin is being I thought I’d better not for a while.

54. what did you learn from your first job? Bakeries are hell, my circadian rhythm will not adjust to anything besides its natural state for longer than a couple of days at a time no matter how long or hard I try. I can absolutely fall asleep standing up.

55. favorite fairy tale? Ugly Duckling

56. favorite tradition? I don’t have anyway... Yet? Hopefully when I move this can become a thing.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? I’m interpretting overcome loosely here, meaning “I have not died from this” - Suicide of my first love - Bullying - 3 different jobs that all nearly killed me

58. four talents you’re proud of having? Literally can’t think of one. I’m not talented. I’m passable at a couple of things, but I worked for those things and I’m still not good enough for anyone to confuse me for being talented xD Those things I care about that I’ve worked on a lot are singing, art, languages, crafts? I still struggled to come up with 4. My bad.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Aw jeez xD

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Magical Girl! This is an easy one, give me the powers and the clothes yessss.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? Literally sitting here drawing a blank, so instead of favourite here is the first one that came into my head “eyes are the genitals of the head” (may have that wrong, I’m watching the Office for the first time rn)

62. seven characters you relate to? Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Amelie from Amelie Matilda from Matilda Quasimodo from the Hunchback of Notredame (also my favourite plush as a kid) Iris - The Holiday Jess - New Girl Amelia Shepherd - Grey’s Anatomy Struggled with this because suddenly I drew a blank and also couldn’t remember who my Fiance was talking about every time he’s watched a character and said “that’s you” repeatedly.

63. five songs that would play in your club? Starlight - Superman Lovers Pump It - Black Eyed Peas I Bet that You Look Good on the Dancefloor - Arctic Monkeys All the Things She Said - tATu Doctor Jones - Aqua Bonus: Push Up - Freestylers These are ones  I have memories of dancing to when I was younger so that’s how I picked, but I’d absolutely be a themed night club with different music on different nights.

64. favorite website from your childhood? Neopets, which I still play daily. The first I played was MaMaMedia, then Bubblegum Club.

65. any permanent scars? That’s a SORE subject heh get it heh

66. favorite flower(s)? Lavender, rose, peony

67. good luck charms? I usually carry gemstones if I’m needing to be particularly lucky, or sigils.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? I hate anything spicy. I had rootbeer candy that tasted like literal dirt. I can’t eat banana stuff without gagging and getting a headache. I hate anything that is artificial blackberry or blackcurrant, tastes like shitty cough syrup.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? Sea Monkeys breathe through their feet, but I remember where I learned that.

70. left or right handed? right

71. least favorite pattern? depends entirely on the colours, I like patterns. but certain stripes do make my eyes feel funny.

72. worst subject? If PE counts, then that. If not, math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo? I love pineapple on pizza but that’s not weird. Iused to eat cheese and jam sandwiches as a kid though.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I operate on how long it has lasted instead of how bad it is, essentially I get so desperate so I’ll try it even though it probably won’t help. I have the resistance of a rhino to most meds.

75. when did you lose your first tooth? No idea, like 4 I think? I did keep them in a weird little box for no reason though because they never got taken away from under my pillow.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I’m a fan of a good mash if it has lots of flavour (like gravy). Otherwise, crisps or fries.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? I grew a radish once! Something cat safe though these days, also maybe something heavy, and hard to knock over?

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Grocery Store sushi, if it’s just veg.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? My only ID is my passport, and it is BAD.

80. earth tones or jewel tones? Both.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? Fireflies (ten million of them to be precise)

82. pc or console? Grew up with PC. Now play my switch mostly.

83. writing or drawing? Both. Wrote more as a kid, draw more now.

84. podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts.

84. barbie or polly pocket? Both. But I prefered pollies as a kid

85. fairy tales or mythology? mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes? cupcakes

87. your greatest fear? Based on my nightmares, stairs.

88. your greatest wish? To live in a comfy house, in the country, with my Fiance, I have travelled the world, we have pets, I can function, we are free.

89. who would you put before everyone else? My Fiance and out animals.

90. luckiest mistake? Can’t think of any, most of my mistakes have been more like bad choices, also never turned out well for me.

91. boxes or bags? Depends what it’s for?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? lamps, or fairy lights. Unless I’m particularly anxious, then overheads.

93. nicknames? None.

94. favorite season? Winter

95. favorite app on your phone? LINE, it has my fiance, and animated stickers.

96. desktop background? Little Twin Stars

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? My own.

I never get asks and needed to distract myself so I’m going to just answer these anyway, like a survey or something. Original post by tr33-g1rl 

[squeakynico]

i found a dead vole, or maybe a mole, on the path as i was walking to the pharmacy to pick up my new meds yesterday... i go that way because few other people do, it's quiet and shaded from the road and the sky.

i had just started listening to Very Friendly by Throbbing Gristle... a friend had said something about the song years ago, and i had seen a child and thought about it - it's about Myra Henley and that guy she was with, killing young people.

i picked up the vole... it was arranged in such a perpindicular way to the path, and it was so close to the side of it, it looked as though it had crawled out there, so i picked it up and carried it for a while.

the song is something like 18 minutes long, and very ambient industrial, but/so i was paying attention in and out, thinking of lots of things... at some point i saw a tree stump by the path, and set the vole down on top of it and when on. it seemed more dignified, and that way it wouldn't get squished by a golfcart (people drive those like cars around here - i live in a weird suburb in georgia rn).

i have't slept much tonight, and got up early to take the meds again, and went outside to smoke and saw a cat on our couch where i was going to sit down and have a cigarette. his name is Buddy, and it was nice to see him.

i think maybe it was him who killed the vole and put it there... i really don't see many outside cats at all in this neighborhood. but that's just what cats do. i was thinking about my friend who just got married a week ago, how i have known her since i was twenty (i'm 33 now), and always joked about being in love with her, but always really have been (although i knew it would never happen between us, i came to terms with that a long time ago, and have moved on in many ways, but that doesn't really change anything at 2 o'clock in the morning when i'm like this).

she is/was (is) a born Liddell, like the little girl in Alice in Wonderland was. what with the cat and my little stuffed bunny, it made me think that if Alice hadn't come from such a wealthy family, she would have received shock treatment too, like Dorothy in Return to Oz (the movie at least? i haven't read the book).

poor people grow up not knowing they're crazy, or being brow-beaten for being "lazy" or "touched in the head", rather than being given therapy, medicine, care and perhaps compassion. everyone's families are different (if you have one), and there's good people all over who try to help, but with psychiatry, very few people really *know* how to help.

my parents didn't really grow up rich, even if they're doing pretty well now, but there has never that i know of been any diagnosed cases of anything besides my brother's ADD (and he definitely has depression and anxiety as well... when a person says they feel that way, it means they do *MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE*).

my Nana's daddy was a psychiatrist for the army (i think my father told me that once, that's the kind of thing that sticks with me to hear, although it's been many years since he said so.), and i wonder what that must have been like, for him and for his family. who becomes a psychiatrist in the early 1900s... what was happening then, Freud and Lobotomies? i hope he was a nice one... that must have been during and after ww1, and the plague, and the dust bowl and the depression, and all kinds of horrible things that would absilutely Drive a person mad.

some people are born mad, and i think others really do just become that way in an instant, or a series of instances, like when a woman's son has his brains blown out in a trench, or his best friend gets covered in his brains, or that guy's son gets beaten until *he* can't feel anymore, when *his* daddy comes back and Just Starts Drinking to make it all go away.

i don't know how to end this post, because there is pretty much no way not to go on, except to just say, this post is stopping here.

[365daysoftododeku]

27th April 2019

Author: Kenyoda

Admin’s Note: Another oneshot by @ebonyphd​ for her Candid Shoutos series! Visit @crzangel​‘s headcanon for it here!

________________________________________________________________

Challenge Accepted

“Can’t this class go one day without causing a catastrophe,” sighed Aizawa as he stared at his phone. “This sort of nonsense is the last thing they need three weeks into their 3rd year…” The teacher’s lounge exploded into laughter, used to the man’s grumbling.

“Give them a break, Shouta! They’re teenagers doing teenager things,” Yamada said with a chuckle.

“I know that, but did they really have to put a bullseye on themselves and Endeavor?” he sighed. Toshinori watched the exchange with half a head and eye. On one hand, he understood Aizawa’s complaint. It was reasonable. The boys were marking themselves for a certain story that could follow them for the rest of their lives. Which could be problematic if their relationship didn’t last. Not only that, the League of Villains was still a real threat. Not that the media wasn’t a threat of its own.

But at the same time, knowing what he did about young Midoriya and young Todoroki, he could not help but feel proud of them. Some people might see it as attention seeking, but he knew better. He had pieced together young Midoriya’s bullying past. He knew that coming out and owning up to his accidental post and confirming his relationship with young Todoroki was an act of bravery.

This was him saying, “I know that this is dangerous. I know people will talk. I know people will come after me and him. But I refuse to hide… I refuse to cower. This is something solely for myself that I will fight for to my last breath”. Midoriya was far braver than he ever was. He was willing to face the scrutiny that Toshinori refused to face. He was willing to face the repercussions of having loved ones. Something that even Nana had caved on.

But this 16-year-old was ready to fight for his own life, something that Toshinori himself had only started to do. Something that young Todoroki was finally beginning to do, too. His heart hurt to think of what that poor child had been through. Young Midoriya had his snow leopardess of a mother ready to leap to his defense against all threats at all times, even those he posed to himself. Young Todoroki had a broken home that relied on his battery and enslavement to remain standing. How alone had that poor boy been? Toshinori admired the strength it took for him to say: “It ends with me,” and “I refuse to become him”.

He hadn’t known how bad it was until a little less than a year ago.  On his way to Recovery Girl’s office, he had heard voices. He immediately slowed down waiting for the conversation to end and the students to move on. But the hushed voices went on for a while.

“DAMN THE NOTES! IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FUCKING NOTES!” Toshinori jumped. The sudden explosion echoed off the walls. “…I’m sorry… I’m sorr—no, please stay, please… Shou—wait, damn it!” There was a small scuffle and then more hushed voices, one of which he recognized as a familiar wobbly voice. What on Earth was going on? As far as he knew, Midoriya and Todoroki were friends, practically joined at the hip. But now they were fighting. Concerned, he had crept closer and peered around the corner.

The two boys were huddled together in the middle of the walkway. Izuku was holding Todoroki’s wrists to his chest, tears making themselves at home on his face. He was whispering something fervently to Todoroki. He could only pinpoint it as simple apologies. After a moment, young Todoroki nodded and his successor relaxed slightly. He didn’t let go of the other boy’s wrists, he just slid his fingers up until they intertwined with his friend’s and squeezed them.

“I just—it frustrates me that he hurts you so badly… and you continue to let him,” Izuku choked out after a moment. Toshinori stiffened. Who… who dared to hurt one of his students? Todoroki’s shoulders drew up around his throat and he hunched over. The hero that was still in Toshinori’s body ached at the sight. The body language screamed ‘I’m scared’ and ‘Help me!’ but he was helpless to do so. All he could do was hope that his successor saw it.

Izuku didn’t disappoint. He released one of Todoroki’s hands and gently wrapped his fingers around his chin. He then guided their lips together in a tender kiss that left Toshinori flushing in guilt. It was quite clear that the two had been more than just friends for a while. Izuku had kissed him without hesitation. Todoroki opened his mouth,

“It’s fine… really, it’s honestly gotten better… I just got used to this,” he rasped as his shoulders relaxed. His voice and eyes pointed to the ground. Toshinori was starting to get an idea of what this conversation was about… and he didn’t like it.

“Shouto… baby. Do you even hear yourself?” Izuku croaked back. He sounded so heart-broken. “This isn’t getting used to—to a shirt that fits a little weirdly or a TV with bad reception! Being treated kindly and cared for should not be something a person gets “used to”!” More tears.

“I’m sorry,” Izuku shook his head wildly.

“No! No “I’m sorry”! You shouldn’t be apologizing for this! You didn’t do anything to deserve it!” Izuku hissed back. His eyes glittering darkly.

“I just need to work harder, is all… I let Yoarashi get under my skin and… it set me back…” Izuku howled frustration.

“No! Stop! Do not justify what that bas—Endeavor does to you, Shouto! I don’t care that I have to take notes for you when you come back from “visiting” home on the weekends! I do care that you barely exist for several days… it’s like watching a machine go through the motions. Then by the time you do come back… it’s just in time for him to steal you away again… That is what hurts me!” Toshinori leaned back around the corner letting the coolness of the stone at his back shock away the dizziness that had invaded his mind.

It all fit.

The thousand yard stare that would be young Todoroki’s default until called on. The many nights they had watched young Todoroki wander the common room unable to settle. Watching young Midoriya corral the young man and usher him to bed. The many times he would be nursing injuries that didn’t come from class training. The way he sometimes startled like a deer when voices became raised.

Abused.

One of his students was being abused.

And Izuku knew it.

Why…?

Why hadn’t he said anything?  

“I just—wished you could see what I see, Shouto,” came Izuku’s voice. Toshinori looked back around. Izuku was still standing where they were before, but Todoroki had turned away from him. He had taken a few steps toward Toshinori’s position but stopped. His eyes were firmly planted in the ground.

“You are so talented… smart… funny, often unintentionally, but that’s ok…” Izuku said weakly with a chuckle. “You are so kind and strong! You give so much! I wish you could see that you are enough! Nothing about you is wrong or needs fixing, especially not by that—sorry excuse of a “hero”!” The venom with which Izuku spat out the word ‘hero’, made a shiver run down Toshinori’s spine. Shigaraki would be hard pressed to match it.

“Enough?” came a small echo. Todoroki’s arms were folded around himself, squeezing tight. He looked every bit the lost child he was right then. Toshinori’s heart twisted painfully. Suddenly, he was taken back to a day almost two years ago. A small boy with a mess of green curls folded in on himself, shaking with untold pathos, tears flowing freely.

You, too, can be a hero…

“You are always enough for me…” Izuku said softly into stillness between them. Todoroki’s knees hit the sidewalk and the boy wailed. How long…? Toshinori had wondered then. How long had that poor child been waiting for someone to see him? Like Izuku that day on the street, he was releasing years of pain. Wild, out of control sobs tore from Todoroki’s throat. They were only softened when Izuku gathered Todoroki into his arms and pressed the boy’s face into his chest.

Toshinori was brought back to the present by more of Yamada’s loud laughter. He shook his head but went back to work answering emails and working on his lesson plans. Even as he worked, his mind wandered back to the other instances that he accidently stumbled on romantic interactions between the two.

Midoriya. Fingers dancing by his side as he watched Todoroki triumph during a class exercise. Followed by Midoriya with his arms around Todoroki as he peppered his face with excited kisses, exclaiming how proud he was between each one. The other teen blushing but grinning under the onslaught. The two lost in their own world in a small alcove along one of the deserted hallways in the school.

Todoroki. Watching Midoriya as he tackled another class problem with the same determination as always. Eyes alight with so many different emotions, even if they didn’t make it onto his face. When Midoriya and his team completed their task in spectacular fashion, Todoroki swept his successor up in a hug, short and to point. Toshinori just caught the fleeting, but intense glance of admiration and adoration in both boy’s eyes before they separated.

Toshinori had fibbed to young Izuku in the infirmary a few days prior. While the teachers were keeping a closer eye on the students and their whereabouts, he had not learned about their relationship through school surveillance he had known since that conversation he had overheard. His guilt kept him from owning up to his eavesdropping.

“Well… I knew that wouldn’t take long,” sighed Aizawa. Toshinori looked up. Most of the teachers were gathered around the man. Toshinori joined them. Endeavor had left a rather sternly worded comment on the school’s social media page… in the direct messages, of course. The man had an image to maintain after all.

It was a rambling rant about image and who knows what else. But his last paragraph, aimed at Toshinori specifically, made him see red.

‘I challenge you to quit playing at being a teacher and let someone else show Shouto how to be a proper hero! I did not spend all that time training him for your protégée to squander it! He is well aware of Shouto’s purpose and he is using my son’s mindless infatuation to spite me. Do your job and tell that boy of yours to play with someone else…’

Play?! This fool of a man thinks that Izuku is playing?! The same Izuku that was desperately trying to hold the boy you broke together? The Izuku that was proving daily that he would be a better hero than even he had been? That Izuku?!

“May I?” Toshinori asked. Aizawa gave him a dubious look… but got up from his chair. Toshinori took a seat in front of the monitor. His fingers flew over the keyboard with no hesitation.

‘This is All Might. I am not sure what your idea of Shouto’s purpose is or why you think young Midoriya knows about it. But… as far as myself and the staff here at UA are concerned the only purpose young Todoroki has here is to be a good student. Which he excels at marvelously. He is here to grow and learn, sometimes about things outside of academics and combat.

We technically cannot say or do anything regarding their relationship as there are no rules against this. It violates their social autonomy something coded not only in UA’s bylaws but Musutafu’s as well. Our hands are tied in this matter.

As for your challenge, I will admit that I am still very new to teaching and am learning as I go. But if your challenge is to be a better teacher that helps young Todoroki continue to grow into the wonderful young man I know he can be… then: Challenge Accepted.’  

________________________________________________________________

Would you like your work to be featured in the 365 Days of TodoDeku Project? Apply here! (≧∇≦)/

[thatfairyfangirl]

True Colors Chapter 10

The snow fell wet and heavy the entire drive down as you and Bucky traded stories of Christmas traditions and winter stories from your pasts. Your childhood home sat not quite in the city limits of Philly, but just outside in a small suburb. All the while in the back of his mind Tony’s advice lingered. He smiled watching as you sung along to the road trip playlist you had put together, tailored specifically for the two of you as the drive flew by all too fast for him. As you drove through the small town you pointed out to him the school you went to before you got your powers, and THE BEST sledding hill, and all the things about a small quiet town that you found yourself missing from time to time.

“So Doll,” you felt your heart tighten just a bit, you were beginning to like when he called you that. ”what did your mom say when you told her who you were bringing?”

“I didn’t.” You answered as you pulled onto a street lined with pine trees. “If there is one thing I’ve learned throughout my life when it comes to my mother it is that it is better to ask forgiveness then beg permission.”

Bucky peered out the frosted window of the car as you pulled into a long driveway to a split leveled home covered in snow, waiting for decorations for the season that hasn’t been touched in years. Behind the screen door he could barely make out the shape of a woman watching, waiting eagerly for you. How sweet! Maybe everything he’s heard about the two women who live there was all exaggeration...Afterall, what parent in their right might would like their daughter hanging out with the likes of Tony Stark anyway? Inside where it was warm your mother bounced up and down a little too excited to see the mystery guy you were bringing home. She figured out weeks ago that it MUST be Tony... she knew you moved in with him months ago. Watching the car pull to a stop she rushed out to hug you, instantly taking note of the figure emerging from the side door to load strong arms up with colorfully wrapped boxes.

“(Y/N)! I’m so glad you’re home! We saw you on the news at that mutant party and congress! So proud of my little girl!” You blinked surprised, last you heard from her just about everything about your lifestyle was immoral and wrong. Amazing the difference success makes. “Is that Tony Stark!?” She whispered hugging her daughter tight before rushing to take some of the gifts from him so she could see who was behind. Bucky half smiled to the woman who looked like a very much less colorful version of her daughter, in the back of his mind wondering if this is what she would have looked like if she wasn’t dipped in rainbows by nature.

“Actually that’s Bucky...my boyfriend.” You held out your arms as you gave a wavering smile, seeing that she was less than thrilled to see the face of the Winter Soldier. “Surprise!” This was a terrible plan!

“No. It’s bad enough that you refuse to act like a normal daughter. Go on national television and tell everyone that you just staged a jailbreak...refuse to dye your hair a normal color...” Your mother scolded as she set the gifts down inside before block the door as if Bucky couldn’t just lift her out of the way if he chose to. “I’ve forgiven all of that but this, young lady, is where I draw the line! This is my house and I am not letting this killer inside of it.” Bucky’s face grew hard as he watched your heart break at the harsh words she had for you, pulling you in close, to stroke your hair. Crystal blue eyes grew steely as he looked up to her, seeing what Tony was talking about. What she said about him he didn’t really care about, in his mind those words were all true...but for a mother to speak so harshly about their only daughter...

“Actually Shirley this is my house and I want to see my granddaughter.” Your Nana interjected from inside as her feeble bones worked her old body to stand. “Who does she have with her?” Your mom reminded your Nana about the Winter Soldier and all the terrible things he’s done on the news in the last few years.

“It’s not his fault!” You argued, every bit of you growing red with anger. “And he was granted a formal pardon! He was brainwashed! According the the Supreme Court James Buchanan Barnes had about as much say in doing what he did as I did in being a mutant.”

Nana stood up strait hearing the name. She lived through the war, she remembered the news reels. “Shirley you move yourself from that door right now and show Sergeant Barnes some respect. I may be old but I’ll never be too old to crack you one. That man saved your father’s life in the war. If it wasn’t for him you wouldn’t be. Now move.”

Inside the air smelled of cookies and pies of all different varieties. From the door he could see straight into the kitchen to an old woman creating the source of the smell as she pulled a fresh batch of sugar cookies from the oven. Her silvered hair was pinned neatly back in a style reminiscent of the 40s, and her clothing matched.

“Thank you ma’am.” Bucky smiled politely up to Nana as you both made your way inside, dropping your luggage at the door for now. Looking at the small woman Tony’s warnings echoed in the back of his mind, ‘the little old lady is the worst.’...how? She seemed so sweet.

“Nana, I thought you always said that Captain America saved Papa?” You asked in a whisper as you gave her a hug, all she replied with was a ‘shhh’ and a feeble pat to the side of your head. “Come on Bucky, my room’s upstairs.” You said with a smile, wiping the hint of tears from your eyes as you grabbed your bags. As you both traversed the stairs your mom and Nana looked to each other, concern all over their faces.

~ ~ ~ ~

Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the old house, spotting elements of a time long passed held onto by your Nana as he followed you up the stairs. The stairwell was lined with pictures of you throughout your younger years...huh, so that was what color your hair was before you changed...But never anything after, no rainbow splendor. “Why aren’t there any recent pictures?” He asked absentmindedly as he followed up to what was once your room, untouched since the last time you came home for a visit. The walls looked to be wallpapered in sheet music, he couldn’t think of anything else more fitting for your room than that. Upon closer inspection he realized, however, it was not some random spattering of pages. It looked to be new ontop of old...something your dad had started when you were a baby by covering the walls in the greatest of classical composers, from there it built up as you aged.  With a huff you set down your things before flopping yourself onto the bed pushing the rainbow mess from your face. Your eyes darted out the window watching flecks of snow dance to the ground until the thought hit you….

You let your hands hover over your head as you listened...The nice thing about your room was it sat right above the kitchen, with an air vent close to your bed giving you access to all the amazing smells from below, and the sounds of both your parents working below. “MOM!” You shouted downward, “WHY ISN’T THERE THE TREE UP YET?” You of course were referring to the reusable one the family had gotten when you were a kid.

“BECAUSE A RACCOON GOT INTO THE ATTIC AND ITS RUINED” She answered.

“We can go get one if you had your heart set on it Doll. I don’t mind driving if you tell me where to go.” You afterall, did drive all the way from New York.

“That sounds great Buck.” You said as you looked up to him with a soft smile that tugged at his heart.

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@sillydecoy​

Announcement from the writer:

I am also on Patreon! You can find me on Patreon HERE. I know, I know, it sounds like I am expecting you to pay for my writing but fear not! I will only be charging $1 a month, and even that is voluntary. The majority of my fics will be available for free. The $1 subscription will be for access to the really adult content stuff I have been sitting on such as what I have been calling “Blind Date’s Deleted Scene” and access to my discord AND early access to fics! As a bonus for you guys since you have been with me since the beginning of Blind Date I will grant you free access to the discord if you shoot me a message here on tumblr and ask.

I will still post fics on Tumblr up until they are no longer welcomed by the staff, but patrons will be able to view them early.

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