#for those that remember me saying i was done like 95% of this?

[krysmcscience]

It’s finally done, guys – five whole pages of Narilamb AU comic AND MORE be upon you! (If you have trouble reading any of the text, view the full-size! These pages are huge!)

Yeesh, this took forever. <:)

There’s probably a ton of inconsistencies and anatomy/perspective wonkeries, but this was mostly just comic practice, so Oh Hekkin Well, Lol <:D

(Yes, I am aware the Gateway’s door isn’t present in the Afterlife, and the actual way in is just a pentagram portal. Yes, I put the door in there anyway because Artistic License, i.e. it felt more impactful for there to be a prison door of sorts to walk through to freedom, rather than just a bland boring portal on the ground. 😠)

anyway, i hate backgrounds so much lmao

Alternate ending and a buttload of bonus art under the cut, followed by goofy AU rambles and headcanon stuff:

I’m calling it the Revival AU. It’s not all that creative a title, and someone else has probably used it already, but I am too lazy to really care, LOL

Alternate ending page, which you will Definitely need to view the full-size for, Whoopsie Daisy:

The alternate ending was actually the first ending I finished things off with, because I had a brief badbrain moment where I forgot the emotional beat I initially wanted the comic to end on, and I tend to write comedy, anyway. I later remembered and drew out the proper ending, but I preserved and finished this one, too, because it still makes me giggle.

They had to go back for the followers off-screen in the AU’s real ending. And by ‘they’ I mean just the Lamb, because they weren’t about to ask three newly freed cats to go back into what used to be their prison. The Lamb DID spend some time watching Narinder and the bois enjoying the outdoors first, though:

In other news, here’s the Lamb and me making fun of my anatomy-drawing ‘skills’:

Meanwhile, if you’re wondering why the Lamb is just a-okay with how things went down vis a vis Their Murder, this bonus comic should answer at least some of your questions:

Ah, yes, also this is how they get engaged outside of the alternate ending. Forgot to mention that bit. XD (I already refuse to believe that Narinder is capable of flirting normally, so why would his initial marriage proposal be any better???)

Oh, and before any of them get a chance to actually head back to the cult grounds, there is one potential problem:

And by ‘problem’ I mean something Narinder intends to ignore for At Minimum a thousand years. Cuz he’s a petty bitch like that. :D

what do you mean i drew the lamb too tall compared to the background? clearly they’re standing on top of baal and aym lmao, why else would you think those two aren’t in this one??? (aym and baal got way too excited about finally being outside, you see, and their silly modes are nothing to sneeze at)

And, speaking of heading back to the cult grounds, I’m sure y’all would love to know how the Lamb’s followers felt about the brand new change in management:

It all went better than expected. <:D Tiny ramble now, feel free to skip down to the next comic.

Before you ask, no, the Lamb does not have any actual powers anymore, other than the immortality Narinder definitely grants them. The Red Crown just thinks it’s funny to suggest otherwise, and Narinder does nothing to discourage this. Also, the Lamb and Narinder aren’t actually married here yet, but, uh. Pretty safe to say that particular ritual directly follows the events of this comic. XD

Given how quickly he mellows out in canon, Narinder probably chills out a lot in this AU once he’s in charge of the cult, too, if only because 1.) He’s finally free, and 2.) He’s equally smitten with and distracted by the Lamb. He’s definitely in charge at least 95% of the time, though, because the Lamb never actually wanted to be a cult leader and, now that their time as a vessel is done, they just want to be a normal(ish) sheep who’s wholly devoted to their hot new divine husband.

Some followers do still have some valid concerns about these two being together, though, which I’m sure at least a few of you might share…

Unfortunately for any such concerns, the Lamb is a bonafide masochist in this AU. :D

They’re also 100% a sub, obviously

Anyone at all: Your relationship is problematic and potentially toxic

The Lamb: fuck yeah it is, it’s so hot~ OuO

Here’s just the last panel, made transparent for whatever nefarious purposes y’all might have for it:

Additional exchange Narinder and the Lamb have at some point, probably after the Lamb does a fatal whoopsie while out on a mission trip or in response to things getting a little too sadistic in the bedroom, ahaha:

Look, there is a very important distinction between life and death, and if you don’t understand that, then you’re probably not worthy of being the God of Death, anyway. (At least, according to Narinder, and ONLY Narinder.)

Last but not least, have these shittens:

~Such creative naming conventions I have utilized, lololol~ :D Anyway, there's a few deets on them in the rambles down below.

The rest is all ramble, so before I get to that, I’ll just say – likes and especially reblogs are very much appreciated!!! :D If you happen to really really REALLY like my stuff, meanwhile, I do have a link in my bio to my ko-fi page, where I’m accepting commissions and donations if you’re especially generous… ÓuÒ

Now, BE FREE IF YOU AIN’T DOWN FOR READING MY GOOFY RAMBLES

First ramble is re: Baal’s question of ‘Did it really work?’, since I didn’t feel like expanding on it in the comic proper, and it’s arguably pretty vague? He doesn’t ask because he doubts Narinder or his capabilities, exactly, but because neither Baal nor Aym have ever actually seen their god at full power before (he’s still technically not at full power here, either). It’s not expressly stated how soon the brothers were brought to Narinder after his imprisonment, but whether it was early on or after a length of time for Shamura to (somewhat) recover from his attack, he must have already been weakened, since I have no doubts that there was a huge battle that accompanied the Bishops working together to trap him. So, between that fight with all four of his siblings, sharing his power with a variety of vessels over time, and being chained immobile for a thousand years, he must have been severely weakened by the time he lent the Red Crown out to the Lamb, which would have only weakened him further.

I like to think this is how the Lamb is able to defeat him if they refuse to be sacrificed, despite how it took all four Bishops working together to subdue and chain Narinder in the first place.

All that aside, the three cats have been trapped in the Afterlife for so long that Baal also wanted verbal reassurance that they are all, indeed, actually able to leave it now – something that I headcanon isn’t possible without a significant amount of power (i.e. the Red Crown’s cooperation with its bearer/vessel).

(On a semi-related note, I don’t headcanon Aym and Baal as twins. I like sweetheart big bro Baal and snarky little goth bro Aym too much to have them be that close in age.)

Ah, teeny thing: If you noticed I switched up the art style for Narinder on the second page, that was intentional. It's sort of a visual indicator that there has been a Big Change for him - that being, how much power he has after sacrificing the Lamb. As for why I changed up his arms in the grass rollin' pic, I don't really subscribe to the notion that his arms are spooky bones because they're horrifically injured (beyond chain-chafing scars, that is), but rather just because he's the Bishop of Death, so he can change how normal-to-spooky they look at will. At some point I might doodle out how I imagine his appearance to range between least to most eldritch... 🤔

Next ramble, regarding Narinder’s feelings towards the Lamb...he was initially too focused on being freed from his imprisonment to form any real attachment to them. They were a tool for his use, first and foremost, but he did notice their intense devotion towards him. It was impossible not to notice, because the Lamb was always very happy to see him, even if it was because they died during a crusade (yet again). He wasn’t originally planning to revive them once he was freed, either, because he saw no real point to it – after all, they were already dead when they first met him, just as any other mortal would be when meeting him in the Afterlife, so death has very little real consequence in his eyes. But, once the chains were off, and it really sank in that he stood to lose the most devoted follower he’s ever had, he decided…why put their soul to rest for good or leave them stuck in the Afterlife when he could just as easily revive them again? And why not reward them for their hard work, anyway? Not only would it cost him nothing by comparison, but the future devotion that could come of it would surely make up for his (bare minimum) effort in reviving them.

He wasn’t expecting to get a full dose of that devotion and a smiling face so soon after killing them, though~ :3c (because the Lamb is a bonafide freak, and not-so-secretly into the fucked up power dynamics going on here, lol)

I should mention here that I am firmly of the belief that any non-god/vessel who crosses through the Gateway and into the Afterlife just straight up dies. So, Aym and Baal? Also straight up dead, from the second Shamura brought them through. Their souls were just never put to rest so that Narinder could have some company – if only according to Shamura. Narinder kept the two around mostly out of bewilderment, because honestly, who are these kittens, and what is Shamura’s game here, anyway??? They never even explained anything, they just tossed these kittens into the Afterlife and LEFT!!! At any rate, Aym and Baal being dead is how I explain why their souls apparently become lost in the void if they’re killed, along with the added complications required to revive the two because of it.

So, with those deets in mind, and given a bit of time, if Narinder hadn’t chosen to revive the Lamb, and also hadn’t chosen to put their soul to rest, they still would have woken up at some point, despite being as straight up dead as Aym and Baal. Who, don’t worry, were also properly revived while Narinder was waiting for the Lamb to wake up. Because I am also firmly of the belief that, first, the dead cannot leave the Afterlife without the use of a ritual/relic (and can't stay in the living world for long regardless), and second, dead followers’ devotion isn’t anywhere near as potent as that of the living, given how much more the living stand to lose.

Final ramble, regarding the Lamb’s feelings towards Narinder, and why they’re so devoted to him…

Well, you don’t spend most of your life on the run with your steadily-dwindling herd, trying to evade the ongoing genocide of your species, without becoming a little fucked up in the head. Maybe a lot fucked up in the head. Life is suffering, so might as well have fun with it, right? Maybe start finding death and pain to be kind of hilarious, even a little bit hot, once everyone you know and love is dead and gone, leaving you all alone? And maybe after that, there’s something comforting in how, despite the cold, cruel uncertainties of life, at least you can always count on the inevitability of death, patiently waiting for you until your very last breath? Who knows. Either way, as soon as the Lamb was killed, and they learned that the literal God of Death was offering them a second chance at life and vengeance via effective immortality, they were 100% ride-or-die-devoted all at once. Turns out death is kinder than life – go figure. (Of course, it helps that Narinder is 100% their type.)

They weren’t put off by Narinder’s thinly-veiled sadism or manipulations, either – they’re not too different in those regards, albeit opting for vastly different methods. It’s a very ‘two sides of the same coin’ sort of deal. In order to stay alive once they were made the last of their kind, the Lamb had no qualms with using others to their advantage, and that did not change once they were revived and expected to run a cult. They didn’t care for the position of authority, though – being a sheep and all, they’re much more of a follower than a leader, and thus greatly appreciated Narinder’s need for control. With how they had to keep on their toes for so long, the Lamb was also pretty good at reading people by the time they died, so they could recognize that a lot of Narinder’s posturing was just that – posturing. Dude’s 95% bluster and only 5% bite. He could obviously be vicious when he wanted or needed to (the Bishops' injuries were clear proof of that), but underneath his outer layer of cruelty was a generous layer of tsundere, and underneath all THAT was a soft squishy middle sibling velcro cat in desperate need of attention and affection.

(Which, for the record, he Did Not feel comfortable getting from Aym and Baal – Narinder still has no idea why the fuck Shamura sent them to him, beyond acting as keepers at best or trying to sabotage his attempts to escape at worst. Which, he thought HE sabotaged in turn, by guiding the kittens into being his devoted disciples instead. He thought he was very clever for it. ‘I outsmarted Shamura!’ he thought, despite that there was never anything there to outsmart. ‘What do you mean, Shamura sent your kittens to me for company?’ he demands of Forneus later. It may or may not lead him to pull Shamura out of Purgatory just so he can shake them and scream about how they should have Fucking Explained that!!!)

But, getting back on track as to why the Lamb was so willing to be sacrificed, I cannot stress this enough – if you pay even a minimal amount of attention to what he’s saying, Narinder is REALLY NOT SUBTLE about his intentions. ‘Death is of little consequence.’ ‘Followers are for you to use to your advantage.’ ‘Sacrifice a follower to absorb more power.’ So, yeah, the Lamb knew exactly what would be expected of them once the other Bishops were dead. They knew Narinder would expect them to die for him one last time. But, after all, death is of little consequence (not to mention hot), so when the time came, they wanted to see him freed, even if it meant oblivion for them in the end.

He’d given them a second life, and the ability to avenge their kin, and they felt indebted to him for that – so, while they were still pretty glum about the possibility that they might not get to see him free of his chains, nothing beyond their devotion and debt to him mattered. They never wanted all the drama and expectations that came with the Red Crown’s power, anyway, so, better for Narinder to have it back so that he could deal with it. What he did with the Lamb afterward would be up to him, and seeing as he was their god, they’d accept his decision gladly.

Were they in love with him by that point? Oh, obsessively so, but only in the devotional sense – romance was nowhere on their mind nor radar. That is, until he unexpectedly revived them again, told them he still needed them, and then offered down his hand to help them up.

The Lamb fell HARD for him in that moment. :3c

And now, a tiny shitten ramble. Lu and Li are twins, because sheep tend to have those a lot, and are conceived not long after the Lamb and Narinder’s marriage ceremony. Lu is the minutes older one, but Li is much more mature. I have put no further thought into these two, other than that they are utter menaces, birthed by the Lamb, cling hard to both their parents but especially Narinder (who spoils them rotten), and they are both genderfluid, using whichever pronouns/names they feel like at any given time. They are also both intersex, same as the Lamb, who was initially infertile up until Something Something Vague Magic, which I have also put no further thought into ¯\_(シ)_/¯

oh, and before anyone tries to suggest i headcanon this AU’s lamb as trending more female due to them giving birth or whatever, no, no, a thousand times no, they might have a vag, but they've also got a dick, and even if it's not as big as they'd like, they still know how to use it

Finally, the very tentative name for the Lamb in this AU is Yazdi, which is really just another name for the Baluchi breed of sheep XD (Not that the Lamb is this specific breed, I just didn’t like any of the other sheep-related names I found, ahaha...)

THAT’S ALL FOR NOW (collapses into an exhausted pile of goopy limbs)

[wisteria-prompts]

Hi! 👋 I enjoy your work a lot! 🩷 Could you do Haganezuka and Muzan x chubby female reader with breeding kink? These two are my favourites. 🥰 Remember to take care of yourself and rest a lot! 🩵🫂

Thank you! As a heavier person myself, it warms the heart to see requests for this. As a disclaimer, any word choices in this are based off of the positive connotations I have for them. None of them are meant as insults or in degrading ways.

(Doing headcanons cause that’s what the brain worm has blessed me with.)

Breeding Kink HCs W/ Chubby!Reader

Muzan Kibutsuji

King of demons, and of breeding kinks.

While he tends to go for wives who are on the skinnier side to keep up with appearances and social norms of the time, his own personal preferences lie in mid-to-heavy set women.

And it’s not just because they have more nutritional value

Especially likes having you sit on his lap when in his female form, the both of you all dolled up and looking elegant and poised as all get-out.

Definitely digs his fingers into your hips as much as possible when he has you in his arms, feeling for the fat there almost obsessively. Just really likes having you tangibly in his hands, and your extra weight is comforting to him in a way.

It also means he doesn’t have to be as gentle, he can just grab you and it won’t hurt as much as it would with someone who didn’t have the cushion.

Is obsessed with having you ride him, feeling you drop down repeatedly on his cock in such a way that has you both holding on for dear life.

Forces you to take his cum deep inside, and doesn’t let you clean up until long after your sessions. Isn’t above plugging you up with something to keep his essence nestled in there…

His breeding kink is also a sort of possessive thing, a way to mark you as completely and utterly his. No one else can have you, no one else can cum inside you, no one else can have the chance to give you a child.

That’s a privilege reserved for him, and him only.

Your plump body is made for bearing his children, and he’ll see to it that that happens.

Hotaru Haganezuka

Hotaru has such a preference for heavier set body types, it’s pretty endearing with how he acts when he sees you looking so perfect and plump.

Even after being together for months or years, he just never tires of that perfect body of yours.

Favorite pastime? Shoving his face into your thighs. Total nose-dive right into them. It hurts a little, but he makes up for it with kisses.

He bites. Those thighs of yours WILL be marked up 95% of the time, just get used to it already. He also likes to bite your tummy but like, in a playful way. It’s often an impulsive thought he has.

There’s something that just goes white hot inside him when he’s got you naked under him, in his bed, his hands just full of nothing but you. It’s got his brain short-circuiting with primal need, as if he wasn’t already struggling with communication…

Doesn’t consider his job as a loving partner done until he has you calling out his name with abandon, those full cheeks forming around each syllable so sweetly.

He’s mesmerized by every movement of your body.

He doesn’t have too much of a breeding kink himself, but damn if you don’t look good stuffed with his cum…It marks you as his, inside and out, and he’s nothing if not a (in a non-toxic way) possessive man.

He still indulges you, and can even see some of the appeal when you babble brainlessly about carrying his babies while he’s pounding ruthlessly into you over and over again.

And if he starts to thrust impossibly harder the second you rub your belly while he’s inside, saying how great of a father he’d be? Well, you just imagined that.

Now shut up and take his cum~

[its-your-mind]

11 year old Gerry Kaey - a psychological analysis

[ID: screenshot from a spreadsheet of two columns and two rows. The first column is labeled “First Name,” with “Gerard” listed below it. The second column is labeled “Last Name,” with “Kaey” listed below it. End ID]

Like everyone else, I was of course delighted by the presence of our beloved arsonist on our list of child test-subjects at the World Line 2 Magnus Institute (not delighted that he was having unethical psychology experiments performed on him, delighted by his presence. though it’s possible that this was actually a better childhood than he had with Mary. but I digress.)

(Data set can be found here, if anyone else wants to make a copy and play with it, and this post has my fave analysis of the sheet itself)

The data for Gerard Kaey was absolutely delightful, and it indicated more than almost anything else that some people were in fact the same (or very similar) across world lines. I was going to post about it and then I remembered that not everyone was forced to take a slightly outdated Educational Psychology class recently, and thus the random names at the top would not be indicators of fuckin anything without extensive Googling.

I figured trolling the internet for details on outdated developmental psychology theories and unethical sociology experiments is not most people’s idea of a fun afternoon (tho in the magnus fandom you never know); either way I figured I’d pull out the fun and interesting data on this goth child and translate it into human terms for us all to enjoy.

(QUICK NOTE: Pretty much all of these theories are outdated on account of being No Good and quite reductive and many of the experiments are EXTREMELY fucked up (all of which makes sense, given where these fictional data came from). If you’re curious about any of the actual psychological theories and criticisms, here’s a relatively jargon free summary, with further reading at the bottom. I’m gonna follow the time-honored tradition of psychology professors and say “well it sucks and was bad that this happened BUT it did happen and we might as well use the data to come to some general conclusions and/or ask better questions, especially about the people performing those tests in the first place.” anyway ty for coming to my TED talk ONTO THE GERRY DATA)

[ID: screenshot from a spreadsheet of three columns and two rows. The first column is labeled “Kholberg,” with “Level 3” listed below it. The second column is labeled “Prosocial,” with “High” listed below it. The third column is labeled “Empathy Index,” with “95%” listed below it. End ID]

Let’s start here.

Kholberg’s Theory of Moral Development is a metric for measuring the moral development in children. It has three stages. A child who has reached the “third stage” demonstrates a consideration of the needs and feelings of others when making morality-based decisions and judgements, even above the norms and expectations of society.

Prosocial behavior is behavior that can be characterized as having no direct benefit to the person performing an action; something done entirely for the good of others.

Empathy Index is pretty self-explanatory (as far as I can tell, it’s not actually based on anything and is something the researchers created just for this experiment).

So far, we’ve got a rough picture of Gerry as a kid who has a strong moral compass, who is quick to help, even when there’s no benefit for himself. Who considers what the people around him might want or need. Who is able to throw social expectation out the window when someone else is in need.

Reminds me of that older, slightly different version of himself, sitting alone at a table in Venice, wearing a Hawaiian shirt because he’s “on vacation,” sighing in exasperation at the interruption and telling a stranger to think of her mother.

[ID: screenshot from a spreadsheet of two columns and two rows. The first column is labeled “Milgram,” with “Low” listed below it. The second column is labeled “Asch,” with “Low” listed below it. End ID]

These are my favorite rows. They’re all the way at the end of the spreadsheet, which kind of makes me imagine that the testers had this image of a highly developed child, a kid who seemed perfect for whatever they had planned. And then…

Milgram was the motherfucker who ran the experiment where people were told to press a button, and when they did, another participant was delivered an electric shock. (there wasn’t actually a shock in Milgram’s experiment, just an actor pretending to be shocked. The socks were fake, but the psychological damage was real!) The test was designed to measure how long people would continue to do what they were told by the “scientist” running the test, even as the electric shock appeared to grow stronger. A “low” score is indicative of someone who bailed out ASAP, no matter what the test-runner said.

The Asch Conformity Experiment put a large number of people in the room (most of whom were actors) and showed them a series of images of lines with different lengths, and they had to identify which was longest. The actors all gave the correct answer for the first few, and then all of them started to give the exact same wrong answer (i.e. all of them would say B, even if Line A was clearly longest). The test measured how likely a subject was to conform to the group opinion, even when they knew the people around them were objectively wrong, if they were the only one offering a different (but correct) answer over the course of several rounds of images.

I have this super clear image of little Gerry in a ratty pair of jeans and a band t-shirt, long hair absolutely unbrushed, walking into a room with a dude in a lab coat and someone else strapped to a chair and IMMEDIATELY getting suspicious, and just refusing to press the button again once he realized what it did, leaving the actors just… lost as to how to proceed. And then with the Asch test, he’s just sitting there with a look of incredulity on his face looking at the people around him and saying “do you people need fucking glasses all of a sudden? it’s not fucking B.” and just ignoring them for the rest of the test.

and all of the Magnus people who had been VERY excited about this promising young person all of a sudden realizing that they have accidentally recruited a VERY intelligent juvenile delinquent.

so there you have it! World Line 2 Gerry Kaey was kind when he didn’t have to be, he didn’t give a shit how other people felt about him, he cared deeply for other people, UNLESS of course they were people in authority, in which case he told them to go fuck themselves.

*dreamy sigh* that’ll be our Gerard

final fun notes:

Gerry has the second highest number on the Empathy Index at 95%

The only kid who beat him, with a score of 98%, was 9 year old “Samara Khalid”

10 year old “Conner Dyer” scored “Low” on the Milgram and Asch tests JUST like Gerry. I wonder if they were friends.

Other than that, Dyer is almost exactly average among the rest of the data

Khalid scored “High” on both Milgram and Asch

Wonder how that’s gonna affect things 👀👀👀 high empathy, high value on what other people think

Sam thats so autistic of you I love u

Khalid was also on “Level 3” of Kholberg and had “High” levels of Prosocial behavior, despite being only 9 (super young to have the abstract thinking necessary for that)

[cosmicalart]

WIP Wednesday

Scheduled on: 2023-09-12

So this post, along with the rest of the fic, almost didn't happen. I'm perfectly fine now but for those of you interested in my hospital adventure Sunday night, I'll put it under the cut.

Now, I've just about wrapped up chapter two of 'Baz to The Past", I also will have plenty of free time next week, so depending on the progress of chapter three (and how much of chapter two I may need to rewrite) I may be able to start posting the chapters this Sunday on AO3, a whole week earlier than I initially expected.

??? POV

“Fine.” With a huff, Simon stands from his chair and marches out of the room slamming the door behind him. Once his footsteps have faded down the hall, Baz pivots on his heel towards me. “What in Crowley’s name was that? Who’s to say he’s not turning us in right now? You didn’t even seal the deal with magic, there's no consequence if he goes against it!”

Putting tags before the cut this time. IDK who's already posted so no pressure, generous tags to say hello, and if you're not consider yourself tagged if you wanna join.

@aroace-genderfluid-sheep @buffy @thewholelemon @prettygoododds @cultofsappho @fatalfangirl @artsyunderstudy @aristocratic-otter @j-nipper-95 @raenestee @cutestkilla @hushed-chorus @haikuziejacuzzi @larkral @ionlydrinkhotwater @rimeswithpurple @sailor-blossoms @facewithoutheart @valeffelees

Hospital story under the cut

So Sunday night after work I had a small edible, (I need to preface that it was small and half of what I'd usually take because people tried to blame what happened on the edible) Now I also hadn't eaten dinner yet even though it was 9pm and was craving Mcdonalds (I have a stack of free meal coupons because I work there) so my fiance drives us and our friend who was over to Mcdonalds, then we stopped at our friends place cause he ended up deciding to stay the night and wanted to grab some things.

Everything was fine up to this point, weeds kicking in, having a good time, we got back to the house and ate our food, I'm setting up my laptop to get some writing done, things are good. My fiance is watching youtube poops (just random funny youtube videos if you're not familiar) and normally I don't find them that funny but I was laughing cause I could see the tv from where I was setting up.

Now this is where things go bad quickly. I ended up laughing while trying to swallow my burger and choked, I still had food in my mouth as well as food in my throat as I had been swallowing when something in the video just hit me and made me laugh, so I could not breathe now and panicked, like just froze trying to swallow what was still in my mouth while trying to breathe.

I didn't need the Heimlich, it managed to go down on its own and I could breathe again but something didn't feel right. I felt like something was jammed in my chest as well as the back of my nose and it burned. I tried drinking to see if that would clear it like maybe it just felt funny because I choked. That was not it. After a minute I ended up throwing up and a bit of what felt stuck in my chest dislodged and I realized I legit had food stuck in my lungs.

I was immediately light-headed and felt my heart racing (though that was probably cause panic was setting in) so I went to the living room with the cat freaking out at my feet, told my fiance something wasn't right, threw up again, and then they helped me to the couch because I started losing consciousness.

I do not remember the drive to the hospital, I don't even remember getting there, I just have vague memories of a nurse pulling my hair to check if I was breathing, people screaming my name as I blacked out because I wasn't breathing, vomiting several times trying to clear my lungs, and apparently arguing about wanting a fudgcicle on the way home only to then vomit and pass out again.

I had to be informed about what happened afterward because I stopped breathing several times and had my lips turn blue. From the second they put me on the couch to the morning after when I woke up miraculously alive and in bed, I remember nothing.

Joked with @valeffelees that clearly the universe wanted to give me the good ole' fanfic writer "So I almost died" author note

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 116. brb x oc

a/n: so good news is im seeing some changes in the app version of tumblr. PC is back to normal??? Anyway, hope it stays that way...also I know I said smut for this chapter but my mind went somewhere else entirely uwu. Reblogs and comments are so welcome! Thanks for liking my fic!

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: none.

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

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-

“Bah bah bah!” Nicole was still bouncing a bit on Beatrice’s arms as they get inside the house, sleep nowhere in sight, “Bah bah bah!” followed by the monkey twinkling as she shakes it, vigorously, so much that the dogs turn to look up at her curiously.

Beatrice smiles before kissing their daughter’s head, the little girl still moving and wriggling, “My God, did your nonni give you sugar or something? You are so wriggly tonight!” she hears the sound of the doors being locked followed by Rooster’s grunt as he places Marcus’ gifts by the staircase. She wanted to help, she even voiced that she could but Rooster was relentless in saying that she should just keep those ‘soft hands of hers’ holding up Nicole.

His footsteps soon entered the kitchen, the sound of fabric ruffling followed and another heavy sigh left his lips. She turns around just in time to see him rolling up the sleeves to his elbows and unbuttoning the shirt even more to reveal his defined chest for her eyes to see…but she held back the commentary when she noticed his face, “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” he rolls his neck, a ‘crack! crack!’ echoing in the kitchen as he does so, “I should’ve just done that tomorrow.”

“I told you I could help.”

“Listen,supermodel.” he smirks when she blushes, “You can’t be busy picking your gifts, that’s my job.It’s in the ‘Bradley Nicholas Bradshaw’ contract.”

“Wha-since when?? I don’t remember signing that up anywhere.”

Rooster just laughs, dropping his head for a few seconds then lifting it back up as he approaches his girls, hugging Beatrice from behind to kiss the back of her neck, ‘Ah,gorgeous, you don’t have to sign that. It comes with the whole package.”

Beatrice giggles in front of him, which makes Nicole laugh as well, turning her body to look at her father with her chubby cheeks appearing even fuller because of that adorable grin, “How about you,Nikki? You aren’t sleepy?” Nicole just touched his chin, tapping the skin there then gently petting his mustache, all the while with her eyes wide and mouth parted open with pure amazement.

“I think she’s just excited to see us again,” Bea smiles, kissing Nicole’s cheek, “She’s so happy, aren’t you, honey?” more monkey shaking, more noises and more bouncing from Nicole, “God, she’s getting so big.”

“Wel she is six months old,gorgeous.”

“I know but…” Bea tsks, “She can stay a baby a while longer, you know? I know I wouldn’t mind it at all…would you?”

“Nah,I wouldn’t.” 

Ah, the fear that every parent had to go through: their children growing up and getting bigger in a blink of an eye.

Both of them could finally understand that.

Nicole kept on babbling, this time her focus was on her mother’s necklace and braid, well,mainly on Beatrice’s braid. Her pupils enlarged so much Bea was worried they might pop out of her eyes, but Nicole was so enraptured by the hairstyle, it was absolutely precious.

Probably because she had never seen her hair like that before, Beatrice usually let it loose or in a bun or even in a ponytail and it was so strange for a six months old baby that she had to touch it…several times, maybe even nom it-

“Okay, okay, not going to eat mommy’s hair.” It was Rooster who stops it, gently pulling the strands of hair from Nicole’s mouth and picking her up from Beatrice’s arms, kissing her cheeks when she whined in disagreement, “Well, missy, you can’t do anything you want, especially eat hair…and while mommy’s hair smells delicious, it’s not edible.” and he pokes her little tummy, just enough to make her giggle and hug his neck, “She’s not sleepy at all.”

“She’s not.”

“Well…that complicates things.”

Beatrice arched her brow and tilted her head towards her husband, smirking at him with her arms crossing, “Oh?”

“Yeah…there were things I had planned but…I can pause them because of my baby girl.” he smiles, lifting Nicole over his head and letting out an ‘ah!’ to match hers, bringing her down to kiss her cheeks, “I can wait.”

“You should,because she still needs to take a bath. And so am I.” Beatrice says, running her hands through her bangs, “Maybe the bath will make her sleepy, you know she loves water, it can tire her out.”

“i guess.” Rooster replies, gently holding that minuscule hand to bring it to his lips, kissing the small fingers and then the tip of her button nose, “I mean, but I wouldn’t mind if she stayed up a little while longer…we can watch more cartoons.” 

“Ah!”

“See? She agrees.”

Nicole had him in her little palm and Beatrice loved it. Because whatever Rooster had in mind, clearly it was the same thing he had when he looked at her during the party, was long gone and spending time with Nicole was much better. “Well, let’s wash her up first, then see how she gets.’ Beatrice says as she gets closer,kissing his jawline, “How does that sound?”

“Sounds good, doesn’t it,Nikki?” and he bounces her in his arm, her happy giggle echoing around the room, “Do you want to set it up?”

“Yeah, I don’t mind.” because she just wanted to see the two of them having fun together. Beatrice kisses him one final time before she walks up the stairs to their bedroom, inhaling happily as she recalls everything that happened that night.

It was a great night.

And her anxiety sickness was nowhere in sight, maybe it was good she didn’t feel like drinking alcohol, it’d only make her feel worse.

Now all they had to do was celebrate Christmas and then go to Virginia before the New Year! Simple!

She really wanted Brad to have another good time while in the holidays, she knew how much he liked it and now with Nicole he’d want her to enjoy the celebrations just as much! Beatrice bites her lower lip, running her thumb over her wedding band as she thinks about his Christmas gift…it was a bit of a callback, she had to admit, but now that she was getting back to Tiff’s class, she figured why not?

Plus, it’d certainly make him feel…energized before their trip.

Beatrice shakes her head with a smile, “But that can wait.” she whispers, “I need to set everything for Nikki.” she disappears into their daughter’s nursery to get one of her onesies, only for a sudden growl coming from her stomach interrupt her, “Wait…did I eat?” she blinks trying to recall if she snacked on something or just had drinks during the night, too excited to eat?

She was too excited to eat because she remembers eating something small and then ntohing else.

And she was starving. Another thing in the way of Rooster’s plan.

She pursed her lips into a little pout, holding the onesie to her chest and turning around just in time to see Rooster watching her from the door, “Hi gorgeous.” he smirks, “Got her outfit?”

“I did.” she pauses, “Roos I don’t think I had dinner.”

“...what?”

“I-I think I was too excited to eat.”

Rooster’s smile turns into a worried frown, “Gorgeous…you can’t do that. Come on,supermodel, you have to eat.”

Beatrice’s cheeks flushed just a bit, “I know…I-I was just really overwhelmed…can we order something after? I-If that’s okay?”

“Of course it is,why wouldn’t it be?” he asks, kissing her forehead when he gets closer, “Baby…I can wait, believe me,I can control myself…when I have to.” she laughs against him, letting him kiss her head again “After Nikki’s bath we are going to order something and you’ll eat.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It was a crazy night, I know.” he smiles, “But don’t do that, pretty girl, worries me so much…okay?”

“Okay.”

–

They genuinely thought that Nicole was going to be sleepy after the bath, she usually did, but something tonight only made the little baby even more active. So now they were all in the living room, sitting on the couch, Nicole was being held against Rooster’s chest and the two of them ate pizza.

And watched cartoons.

At midnight.

He couldn’t wish for anything better, especially since the dogs were lying around the couch, watching the tv just like they were, Eleanor sometimes sniffed the pizza but Jolene ‘boofed’ in warning so the pup lied back down. Rooster looks down at Nicole, just in time to see her looking right at the cheesy slice of pizza, mimicking the way he ate by opening and closing her mouth, “Sorry,birdie. But you can’t eat this yet, you got no teeth.”

“Ah!” she sounded upset!

“Hey,come on now,” he raises the slice higher when she tries to reach it, “No, mama already gave you food.I know it’s not what you wanted but it is what you can have for now.” she made another indignant sound, “I know,I hate it too.”

Beatrice watched the interaction with one hand holding her head up, her cheeks curving into a smile as Rooster talked to Nicole as if she was ten years old, no baby talking at all. It was the cutest thing ever, “You know,” she begins, “I think this is a great way to end the night.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, us, together, watching tv and having pizza? It’s amazing.”

Rooster swallows his bite to give Beatrice another grin, “Well…yeah it is pretty good. Core memories for Nikki,” he lifts his slice again when he sees Nikki’s hand moving upwards, “And for us.”

“Yeah…” her stomach was still fussy but she was eating slowly, she knew it could be nausea from something but she couldn’t pinpoint what. Maybe the whole excitement,maybe that was too much for her to handle and her stomach was taking the toll of it, “I like it…and thanks for joining me too.I know it’s late…”

“I never say no to pizza,” again his hand gets even higher and Nicole’s high ‘aah!’ reaches his ears, “And spending time with my family.”

Beatrice’s smile is nearing hurtful by how stretched her lips are, even if she’s still chewing her own slice. She sighs softly, looking back at the tv with her brows low, feeling another hint of nausea coming up in her stomach but she tried to hold it back as best as she could, lying down just a bit more on the couch.

She felt Nicole’s little hands tapping her bare calf, then her daughter crawled over to her stomach, “Nikki!” she did this without any of them noticing and that little girl had such a good balance she didn’t even rolled to the side, “Baby girl, don’t do that, I know you are strong but-”

“Ah!” she slaps her hand on her mother’s chest a few times before dropping her head on top, huffing angrily.

Beatrice looks over at Rooster, who’s still chewing his pizza, “She’s mad at you.” that made him stop and look over at his wife in pure horror, “Because you didn’t give her a bite.”

“She can’t even bite!”

“She doesn’t know that.” she didn’t want to show how Nikki’s weight, as minimal as it was, was making her stomach feel even more nauseous, she just adjusted herself on the couch while holding Nicole close to her chest, kissing her brown head, “You can’t be mad at daddy, you can’t eat grown up food baby girl.”  she sits up a bit more, “Don’t be silly, oh Roos, she’s pouting!”

When she looks up so is her husband.

“Roos…”

“I don’t want her mad at me!”

“Brad,she’s a baby.” she says sweetly, holding up Nicole so she looks over at Rooster, “She doesn’t hate you, you know that.” Beatrice scoots over to where he was so the two most important people in her life could look at each other, “She doesn’t get it.”

Bradley’s eyebrows were low as he frowned, looking back down at Nicole whose light green eyes only appeared lighter because of the light above their heads, “Maybe she’s just sleepy.I know some babies get fussy…and it is pretty late.”

“It is.” Beatrice agrees, clearing her throat when the nausea hit again. Stronger this time, “Oh wow.”

“What?”

She couldn’t hide it now, “I feel a bit sick.” she says, “Like my stomach is messed up, I think.”

Rooster’s pouting face disappeared and turned into worry, “What are you feeling?”

“Just…a bit nauseous, that’s all.” she tries to distract herself by bouncing Nicole in her arms, the little girl’s pout disappearing as her eyes struggled to keep open because it was obvious she was tired now and her anger was because of sleep “I think it’s because I was so excited tonight. Has to be.”

Bradley’s eyebrows furrow and he frowns a bit more, looking down at her stomach then back at her, “Baby…can you eat?” he nods to the half eaten slice, “You barely ate anything.”

“Oh no,I will…I just need a few seconds.”

Rooster grabs Nicole from Beatrice’s arms and tilts his head at his wife, “Do you want to lie down a bit?” she shakes her head negatively, “Do you want tea?”

“I…no, it’s fine, it’s just hunger.” she didn't know if it was hunger but it did feel that way. It felt just like that time she ate chili and felt bad for hours, it was extremely similar. Beatrice knew there was something off but she couldn’t pinpoint what…was she allergic to something now?? Maybe tomatoes? Was she allergic to tomatoes? “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

She nods with a small smile, “I just need to relax a bit…that’s all Roos.”

“If you are sure…”

“I am.”

But her husband knew her and he knew that if she felt bad it’d take some time for her to say it to him, which he hated but he couldn’t force it out of her. He sighed, kissing her head before he stood up, “I’m going to put Nikki in her crib,” he looked down at their daughter who was now peacefully snoozing against his chest, “I’ll be right back,okay?”

Beatrice nods with a little smile,watching him walk away and up the stairs, leaving her and her raging thoughts to herself. Why would she feel this way? She didn’t eat anything strange, she’s eating pizza for crying out loud! She chews her lower lip, trying to remember if there was any way she could really be developing some sort of allergic reaction to food.

She gently rubs her hands on her stomach, the nausea coming and going…strangely it reminded Bea of the time during Nicole’s pregnancy. Although the nausea was so much stronger than and–

Wait.

“No.” she whispers, “There’s no way, I took my birth control shots.” she could feel the anxiety rise up, “This is not what I’m thinking, it can’t be. There’s absolutely no way it’s that…there’s no way.” she did take her birth control shots, she remembers going to the clinic and seeing the lady there, the same lady as before.

She remembers the shot, she remembers feeling down in the dumps for a few days. “I’m just imagining things,” she whispers, “This is nothing more than a bad stomach day. That’s all.” but she continues rubbing her stomach, “...that’s all.”

[messedupessy]

Ok so I finished Dawntrail a couple of days ago, and I got so many thoughts about it, things about it I loved, things I didn't vibe with, thoughts of what I both hope and fear will happen next, so prepare for a ramble as this will prolly get long xD MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR DAWNTRAIL DOWN BELOW!!!

Where do I even begin? I got so many throughts about literally everything it's hard to decide where to start, but think I will start with what I loved with this expansion overall and then go from there:

The graphic update is so good, everything looks so nice, the new zones and towns are amazing, all the zone music and music overall this expansion is a fucking banger there is no music I dislike which is amazing, the dungeons and trials, except for the last two for me, was so good, fun mechanics and bosses that is harder but not impossible! Most of the characters were so good and interesting and I loved to get to know them all!

But one issue I had with the expansion as a whole and not just the second half of it, where pretty much all my issues are tbh, is that the voices or rather the voice deliveries this expansion was really weird for the english voices, it felt like the voice direction or the mixing was very off and every character was affected. Like there were several moments Graha or any of the other scions spoke and I got all ??? that's not how you usually sound like what is going on?? And then there is Wuk Lamat, love her voice af, but there were many moments where I felt she just needed to push a bit more especially in emotional moments, her crying is fine but when she needed to get loud and yell it just didn't work, but I feel it's more because of the voice direction and mixing than the actual voice actor. And she isn't the only one though and this has been a issue I feel since the patches for Endwalker, something is really off!

And not to mention that the translation and subtitles are very off, they gotten so very bad since the patches, as my older sister plays in japanese but with english subtitles, and she understands japanese well enough to notice when the characters says more than is subtitled which really sucks. And there was allot of that in the patches, an example when Zero says to thank everyone she says their names in japanese but not in english, and there were moments here in Dawntrail that happened too, don't remember them atm tho since it was a bit since me and my sis talked about it, which sucks, feels like we who play in english are missing out on things all because things just isn't translated properly.

Then there is the msq, I absolutely adored everything until lvl 95 after the first story was done where we crowned Wuk Lamat dawnservant etc, mostly everything between 90-95 was perfect to me, great pacing, great characters, fun bosses and dungeons. The small critiques I got is that we barely spent time at the moblins they didn't even get any voice scenes, and that I wish the like rivalry we were meant to have with Thancred and Urianger thanks to them working for and supporting Koana instead of Wuk Lamat could been stronger. I would had loved a instance of us maybe fighting or just something more there.

And then there is the whole trading part with the Pelopelo, forgot their names the small duck faced ppl, where you are meant to trade things up for more expensive stuff, loved it love the UI they had for it and so on but wish they could gone a bit further with it, like they could have let us fail properly and mess up for example, that if we choose wrong here and there we would been forced to start over at a certain point, just something more there and it would been perfect!

But those are the only things I had issue with when it comes to the first part of the expansion, now to the second where most of my grievances lies and also my fears for what will come next:

First of shiiooni the cowboy place, the story there was truly what you call filler, which I get we can't always have something high stakes thing happening, not always needed either and things was brewing in the background, but I wish there had been more to the story there just it was very bland, something more could have happened there and instead it feels a bit like a waste of a zone even though I like the zone itself very much! Just something more happening in that zone could been really good but no we got like nothing. Connected shitall with the characters there except for our reflection versions of the trolley people they made me so darn happy!

Then the attack at the city happened, wonderfully fucked up but why did they have to kill off Guloo Ja Ja?? Think that's how you spell his name, but Papa simply I love him he was and still is one of my fave characters from this whole expansion, and it feels they went with the way too easy route to just let him get killed for drama, it always happens with fathers who are done and give away their position but i am so tired of it he could just gotten really hurt instead it would done pretty much the same give or take, you don't need to kill off someones dad to give them motivation to kill their own brother for doing so! He had already butchered a bunch of the towns people Wuk lamat did not need more motivation to go for it, and if he just needed to be put out of comission so he wouldn't solve shit too quickly then just hurt him a bit and shit would been fine, it just sucks and while the death scene was good it just frustrates me, let the parents live for once!!

But anyway then there is the dome, 30 years passing etc, loved that whole thing wonderfully messed up but here we meet the sole character that ruined the ending for me personally, Spherne or however her name is spelled. The idea of her and her story is great, but the execution of her character did not work for me at all, and it could been easily fixed if at the end of her instead repeating the same old "sorry for killing your ppl" she could had tried to tell something about herself but maybe failing etc, just said something to give her more character than "I love my people above everything else and I will kill anyone who harms them and I will keep them alive even if it means killing others", that was her whole personality there was nothing else there and it could been fixed so easily by her just admitting to it? If that makes sense? She was just so very bland and could been so much more and I get it she is just the memory of a person long dead but just give me something more, and then there is her design it is so bad if they just pulled back a smidge it would been fine!

After meeting her I feel the rest of the msq ends up so rushed, which like technically makes sense since we in a hurry to stop zorol ja think it was spelled mister first promise boy, but it made it so for me at least, that I didn't get a chance to connect with the new characters properly, didn't get to know the new villain at all, which could been on purpose since wuk lamat and sperne is kind of opposites, but it just didn't work which makes me so frustrated because it could worked so well!

And not to mention, a thing I didn't think of until my big sis mentioned it and how frustrated she was about it, is the whole electric sickness happening there! We have a cure for it we can fix that but there was no mention of it or anything where we could go oh hey we have a cure for this since its the whole thing from the first and tempering we could gotten Aisaie summon Angelo and help the sick boy but no, nothing! This better get mentioned/fixed in the future story patches or I will go insane!

Fuck we could had brought it up to Spherne and made her situtation more complicated but no!

And then there is Otis, I loved that guy but he was instantly taken away and killed we got no time so spend with him except for in the Living Memory later on but that wasn't truly him and it just sucks, wish he had been around longer and things didn't get so fucking rushed here!

Loved the trial for Zorol ja tho it was great, loved how it subtly explained why he was how he was, and while I would had loved having more of it outside the trial before we killed him etc it still worked out and made sense, love his son so much he is so good and I adore that blue baby! But I want to know who his birth mother is, who the fuck is Zorol ja's birth mother?? How was he born even though it is said two headed maamol ja can't have kids? Or is it just so darn rare he just ended up been the first ever? Game please explain gkejngke!!

But then comes Spherne and fucks shit up, which would work if her whole character wasn't as bland as a wet salty cracker! The whole of Living Memory was amazing i cried so much, the zone is amazing the music the progress of it was great, the whole message of everyone dies and life goes on hitting me way too hard.

But then there is the dungeon and Sphernes trial, the fights etc is fine and the visuals great, but thanks to her constant talking in the dungeon and its her we fight it just it's just so meh, she needed something more and now she will be part of Wuk Lamat's story forever and it sucks! Also I am still irritated that she kept calling Wuk lamat by her family nickname like please that was so rude, but I also get why Wuk lamat didn't protest proepr but still! It would been more interesting if like wuk lamat was like no u can't call me that and spherne been apologetic etc, and then later at the end wuk lamat lets her call her by that, just something!

Ok so rant over there but now we get to what my hopes and fears are for the future story, as now we got a fucking mguffin that can open portals to other reflections! Which we luckily know shit about except Kriles people had it but that's all luckily since they didn't know shit about it either, and I hope it stays that way for at least another expansion as it feels we are rushing the whole "find a way to other reflections" bit way too much, it already felt a bit rushed in the endwalker patches, but now we got a mcguffin and I am worried about it!

As while I want to visit other reflections, be able to visit the first with the scions again etc, I don't want to do that just yet! There been too much of reflection stuff in the story, I want a break from that and focus on other parts of the world we haven't been to, like Mercedia, Graha's home land, the Roegadyn homeland etc, I want to wait and let Y'sthola work more on finding a way, as I fear this mcguffin will make things way too easy and solve this whole thing, I want the story to wait, let us do other shit while this storyline can be like in the background a bit, and not the focus! And then it can blow up and be the focus again! I feel we need a break from it and I fear this will be the focus of the patches that is going to come.

After all the best part of the msq for me was when we just enjoyed ourselves in the new world and places we got to explore, where there was no mention except some smaller references and the reflections was not in the focus. I just want a break from it let it brew and stop rushing it!

But I am hopeful that this is something that will take awhile, since we literally have no clue what or where the mcguffin even came from or what it is, so I hope this will mean that it will take awhile, and that we can focus on other things like the electric sickness in solution 9 and their whole messing with souls there! I want clarification on if Alexandria etc is from the reflection from the second umbral calamity or not, as the hints are there as it would make sense, but I do not want to focus on traveling to any reflections for now. I want to explore other things so badly get to do new things and not reflection stuff please.

The only exception to any reflection focus is if something gets fucked up and the WoL gets sent to a reflection alone, with no one there to help us while the scions etc tries to find and contact us, that is the only reflection story I will be ok with getting at the moment as I want things to go wrong more and not feel as easy as it feels currently when it comes to travelling to the reflections!

Ok so think I have gotten out all that I wanted to say, sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes but I can't be bothered to fix shit, thanks for coming to my ted talk and feel free to chime in with your own thoughts and so on would love to chat or clear up any misunderstandings, as I know I am not the best at explaining stuff at times xD

[echoes-lighthouse]

Freakiest Thing Each Of My Selfships Is Into <3

I was just scrolling through the tag and remembered how much I fucking love hearing about other people's niche kinks so I decided to make a post about the weirdest side of my selfships :D

My platonic selfships are of course excluded and my nostalgia selfships are also excluded because they're weird enough without adding extra kinks to them. Also, most of these are focused on my f/os rather than my s/is because I'm like 90% ace but still interested in kink and also fictional sex with my f/os.

Anyways they're under the readmore because I don't tend to post n$fw on this blog so I don't expect everyone to have the tags blocked! Please dni if under 18, etc

Jester- she likes being free-use on occasion so we'll have nice big parties with her on a table and everyone is well-trained on the rules and her safewords and she gets dicked down proper and I tell her she's doing a great job

Tate- absolutely rampant mommy kink, which wouldn't be quite so weird if his mother didn't live next door :I

Himiko- feral kitten play, baby! Especially if we're showing off for the other LoV members, we go full kitty mode and draw lots of blood and tumble around together and have fun

Tomura- age play in all of the most extremes: diapers and bottles and gloves that curl his fingers into a fist so he can't use his quirk or his hands, poor baby

Toshi- we're like 80% vanilla but we have done a couple of me-as-student, him-as-teacher roleplays that get us both going partially because of how absolutely taboo it is for both of us

Zero- uhhhh, it's Rick Sanchez I don't know what the craziest could possibly be? we have a lot of public sex at those kinds of parties, or on planets where that's the norm. I like to control him while he's having sex with someone else, tell him exactly what to do while he pleases them. OH, we do consensual non-consent scenes and somnophilia scenes, that's probably the wildest stuff maybe?

Val- the extremely vore-adjacent experience of having sex in someone else's body: the intimacy of making love in their bloodstream, nestled against a single red blood cell

Grell- blood play that is not safe or sane, but very much consensual: we got a little carried away one time and I almost bled out afterwards but I was okay: she's vicious with a scalpel, what can I say? My beloved half of Jack the Ripper.

Cecil- our relationship is 95% platonic but he's had a few phases where he's worked up enough to use me: it's kind of a sex doll situation where I'm not very active and I keep to a smaller form and let him do whatever he wants

Tumblr- we're still in the experimentation phase! nothing too wild in this relationship: she has a bit of a daddy kink (and a praise kink) but that's about it.

Monokuma- exhibitionism, baby, I'm out here doing a solo show for the cameras until I get some sweet bear loving. Technosexuality, I suppose? I would like to make him overheat ^-^

Death- hmmm, just some body worship: I could eat her out for hours and I think I do, when she lets me. Cock warming if she's got one for the day.

Gertrude- not very exciting: lots of cliche artsy lesbian things like oils and massages, waxplay and foodplay, painting each other nude and overflowing the bath by accident when we're cleaning up

Dirk- plushophilia, dubious consent, and forced orgasms: control over the other person's orgasm is one of the ultimate powers in our relationship and it swings both ways in turn

Jonah- *chanting* desk sex, desk sex, desk sex... cockwarming and powerplay. he takes out his frustration over bad business deals on me and I'm very ready for it, but sometimes I put up a fight just so he can wear himself out a bit more getting me where he wants me

Which do you think is the wildest?? I think I'm too close to really choose. You should do this with your selfships also if you'd like to!! I really do like hearing about characters and people's niche kink preferences and I think selfship/kink crossovers are something I don't see enough of.

[back-and-totheleft]

Half Century After the Vietnam War

So let me just start off by asking you both about some of the ways you were shaped by your individual experiences in the war. You've spent a good part of your lives, since your experiences in that war, communicating the meaning of the war and I wonder - as we approach this 50th Anniversary - what is important still to say about the war to a world in which fewer and fewer people remember it? What work remains to be done now, before say the 75th Anniversary when - because I'm just the same age as both of you - when we are un unlikely to still be around to bear witness? So what is it that the world needs to know at this moment, that you think it's important to make sure is known before all the people who experience the war are gone from from the earth? 

Le-Ly Hayslip: In my generation, even though we fought against the Chinese for 1,000 years, against the French for 100 years and against the Americans for 20 years - we still haven't had a voice. The Vietnamese haven't given a voice to the other side. Most of the books talk about the war in Vietnam outside of somebody else, but not Vietnamese. So even though I'm uneducated - I'm a farmer - but I witness two wars. The French and the US War. And what I would like to share with the younger generation and the people in the world [is] that war is not something that we want to forget. Something that every young man and woman who join the military have to ask themselves: why? Why did I join the war? Why did I have to travel over the sea, or to the other half of the world to fight somebody I don't know. 

Vietnam...we did nothing to Americans or to the French. Why come and turn our country upside down and inside out? How many wars after that and still war today? Who suffering the most? Women and children. And I am the one of those and I want it to be rememberedd and to share. That is my voice. Thank you. 

Oliver, what thoughts do you have about what's important to communicate at this moment? 

Oliver Stone: I didn't set out consciously to make three movies about Vietnam. It just happened that way. One led to the other, led to the other - so Platoon was originally about my own experience in the 25th Infantry and the 1st Cavalry. Born the Fourth of July was about the experience of Ron Kovic who wrote a wonderful book. He was paralyzed in the war and it takes place in another - it's about before the war more, and after the war. Platoon is about just the jungle experience. 

So it expands and then when I read her - Le-Ly's - book Heaven and Earth. I was very moved, despite all the odds against it, because it is a Vietnamese story. At that point in time, there was just no interest in this country at all in Vietnamese stories. For a long time, by the way, it did affect everything. President Clinton recognized Vietnam and apologized in '94 or '95, I think, which was pretty late — many years after, about 20 years later.

To me, it's always been a struggle to communicate this war to Americans. They don't seem to want to recognize it. I had tremendous success with those other two films, but with Le-Ly's film, we ran into a wall. I think it's very hard for an American intellectual or American moviegoer to relate to a Vietnamese peasant, which she was. It was an extremely rigorous experience, set in a hierarchy that is Buddhist, centered on mother and father, and with a fair degree of wizardry. And of course, there's a tremendous belief in Buddhism and reincarnation, in many lives. I think that's at the heart of this story, and that's why it eludes many Americans. Although we believe in reincarnation, it’s not in the same way. She opened up my eyes to the way they see things, and that is one of the greatest gifts she ever gave me, and one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received from a foreign culture.

I only wish America had listened, instead of repeating the same mistakes. Of course, there's controversy, but we’ve repeated the same mistakes in Iraq — twice — in Afghanistan, and now in Ukraine. It’s the same mistake, over and over. You get tired of it. You know, by the time you die, you’ve seen everything; you’ve seen the same mistake five times. That's no fun, and it’s very difficult to change. I'm very happy that Harvard is doing this. I hope to God it has some effect on some future president or leader. 

Your work, both of you, demonstrates a commitment to believing in the power of personal narrative to influence the wider public's perceptions. It's significant you've both told very dramatic stories about your own lives - or based on your own lives. Could you say a bit about how, particularly when you were collaborating together, how you thought about putting the personal in the larger historical context and how you view your own story as a kind of engine for a wider impact in influencing the world? I'm a historian, but you all are real historians in the sense that you're telling your own histories. Whereas I've always come at history as a larger question of states and nations and whole societie. You tell these stories so powerfully, through the stories of individuals: through Chris Taylor and Ron Kovic and Le-Ly and her family and so forth.

Oliver: One of the tragedies for me of the war is that my hearing was affected, because there was too much artillery. So I'm not sure I heard everything, but sorry, if the short of it is - what would be the one sentence question? 

The one sentence question is really how you think about personal narrative as an engine of influence in a larger perception about history?

Well, Platoon is a perfect example because it was based on my infantry experiences. Some dramatic license was taken, but still, about 50% of it was based on that hardcore infantry life. I wanted to give a worm's eye view, which means really getting down where Le-Ly lived — down in the dirt. That’s what the infantry knew, and she was a peasant. She knew life from the bottom up. Her father and mother were very influential in her life, and so was superstition.

For me, Vietnam was an eye-opener because I didn't know anything before I went. I came back disillusioned. But through other people and through writing, especially Ron Kovic, I was able to get away from myself, which was important. It allowed me to live the experience through someone else, and there was nobody more intense than Kovic. It was an extremely important experience for me, and it altered my life.

Every time I make a movie, it's like I meet someone or encounter something that changes my worldview. I love that. I think it’s the way we live our lives. I think all of you know this experience because you all have your own "Everest" to climb, learning from each other.

As for how we discovered each other, Le-Ly sent me her book, which had been very well-reviewed in the New York Times, a source I trusted at that time. Her agent was tough, but I bought the book. I couldn't do it right away, so I optioned it. Meanwhile, she wrote another book, a second one, which was longer. I bought both of them. It’s quite a story — if you read it all, it’s like an 8-hour movie. The challenge was condensing it into a hard-hitting two-and-a-half-hour film, or about two hours and twenty minutes. We condensed a lot of it.

Your question was about how we influenced each other. She influenced me because Buddhism requires you to think about all the suffering in the world, but they don’t make a big deal about it. It's not like our Christian religion, which does make a big deal about suffering. I mean, that’s why we have the crucifix and the cross. There are huge differences between East and West in this regard, and you have to be aware of that. Le-Ly is very tough. There’s a scene in San Diego where she encounters a Christian priest and speaks very innocently, in her peasant way, about what God is. She doesn’t understand the Western emphasis on suffering. For her, in the Buddhist routine, suffering is just a part of life, so why is it singled out?

All these questions arise. She is a Buddhist, and I became a Buddhist. I’ve studied Buddhism and have been meditating for years. What impresses me is the focus on things you don’t see—non-material things. It’s about how we grow, what we’ve achieved, and what our lives mean. These are very important questions, and they come up often in Le Ly’s worldview and that of all Buddhists. 

Did you learn things from your collaboration with Oliver? Were there perspectives that were new to you, or that shifted any of your views about the experience of war?

As you know, I only had a third-grade education at the village level, so what did I know about writing books? What did I know about anything? 

You seem to have learned quite a bit about it, quite efficiently. 

Well, the only thing I can say is that I just tell the story of what I saw. A lot of people get pressed down and have no chance to tell their story, but I was able to come to the United States—a country of free speech, free religion, and free thinking, where you are free to be who you are. Here, you can change one life or the whole world, if you want to. I learned one thing in America: if you put your mind to it, nothing is impossible.

Even a simple farm girl like me, coming to this country, was able to change one person's life. If I can do that, I can change many lives, and that’s what my book does. My husband was a Southern Baptist, and he would not accept Buddhism. He would not let any of our kids go to the temple. But I fought until the day he died, and I’m still talking about it today. I would not go into his church. I wouldn’t have a baptism in a church. I am Buddhist, and I will stay Buddhist until the day I die.

That’s how I see it in this country—you can say anything, do anything, if you’re willing to. That is my free will. Whatever I told in my book, or in the movie, or tonight—it’s from my heart. Whatever comes to mind, I share that. All I know, from my third-grade education, is if I had the education they have, I’d be writing a book every year. I know so many stories. But my English is limited, and writing books is difficult for me. Thankfully, people helped. I had a co-writer, Jay Wurts, who helped make it happen.

And there’s some other remarkable work you've done as well. Tell us a bit about your work with the East-West Foundation and your determination to help Vietnam and bring peace to the world more generally. Well, I just shared this with the group of people in the other building. When Americans came to Vietnam in the 1960s, I asked my sister’s boyfriend, "Why are the Americans here?" He said, "We came to Vietnam to help. We can give you freedom, and we can fight against the communists." I didn’t understand any of that. When South Vietnamese soldiers came to my village, they said the same thing: "We’re here to fight communists, save your village, and give you peace and freedom." But the Viet Cong said the same thing!

Nobody asked us, the villagers, what we wanted. If they had, we would have said, "Go home! Leave us alone so we can survive!" But nobody asked.

When I was able to take veterans back to Vietnam in 1988, I saw healing happen. I saw veterans meet with North Vietnamese, with their former enemies, and apologize: "I’m sorry I burned down your house, destroyed your village, killed your father, and raped your mother."

They confessed, and that’s where the healing began. This is what I believe: human beings, under one God, can come together and heal themselves. No doctor, no God can heal you—each individual must heal themselves. So, in 1988, after that trip, I set up a nonprofit foundation called East Meets West. I told the veterans, "If you cared about Vietnam in the 1960s and 70s, now is your chance to come back and help. Vietnam needs your help, and by helping, you can heal yourself."

The veterans responded. One of them signed the first check to the East Meets West Foundation so we could build the first clean water well. It was a joint effort—U.S. veterans working together with North Vietnamese, with Viet Cong, with villagers—everyone. In just three months, they finished the well, and we had a grand opening. That’s how it started. He used his own money to build the well, and I funded everything to set it up.

We've been working there for almost 40 years now, from A to Z. We met Jack Fennie, a billionaire who gave our foundation $38 million. He brought in Bill Gates and other big donors, and together we rebuilt Vietnam over the last 35 years.

So, you two have been collaborators not just in making films, but also in philanthropic work.

Oliver: Le-Ly is a great hustler, as you can see. If you saw the movie, you saw her in the streets selling cigarettes. She’s still hustling, still doing fundraising. 

Le-Ly: What can you do? You’re not supposed to brag about it, but I say I’ve been a fundraiser all my life. I’m used to it. Back then, I was selling cigarettes and Coca-Cola to GIs, and I’m still at it!

So I watched Platoon and Heaven and Earth this weekend to get ready for this panel - to refresh my mind - and I I did it all within like a day and a half, the two of them. And I was struck by how we are as a society - civilization, whatever, here in the United States - very taken up with war stories. We have Ambrose Bierce from the Civil War. We have Hemingway. we have Phil Clay from the Middle Eastern War. We have um Norman Moore. We tell war stories. We're fascinated by war stories, and you together and individually have delivered some of the most powerful war stories around. Do you think that these stories that you have told are generalizable? Do you think that there are aspects of war that are specific only to the Vietnam War, or do you think that you're talking about all war, in some sense, when you tell your stories personally?

Oliver: I think all war is the most destructive thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Nothing survives it—everything is affected, including the survivors. Even the people who win get coarsened by war. They become arrogant, thinking they’re better than others. It just doesn’t work, in any way. War is a complete disaster.

Our politicians in America have forgotten that war is no good. They’ve fallen into this idea of the military-industrial economy, seeing it as a way to make money. We’re captured by money. Eisenhower’s speech is still one of the most effective warnings about this issue. And Kennedy, bless his soul, continued that fight—and paid for it.

As her mother says, every cemetery is filled with people who were once enemies, and now they’re all friends. War just doesn’t work. I’m sorry, go ahead.

Le-Ly: Gentlemen, no man on this Earth exists without coming from a mother—Mother Earth. A woman represents that world, and every child, every man, every woman belongs to Mother Earth. Just as every man is born from a woman, he must understand that. How could you, if your child or any child is in an accident, try so hard to save them—doing everything for that one life—yet still send your children, grandchildren, husbands, or brothers to war to be killed? For what? If you try so hard to save one little baby, why not try to save the whole world—every man and woman? In Buddhism, and as my father taught me in his songs...

Oliver: And I know you're an expert scholar on the Civil War. Oh, I’m sorry—have you finished? Le-Ly: No, it’s fine. 

Oliver: Definitely no. I was just saying, in response to your original question, I don’t think there’s a difference between the Civil War, Vietnam War, Iraq War, or Ukraine War. War is war. It always levels everything—destroys. And while it gives people the incentive to rebuild, if you're doing it for economic profit, it’s not good. It’s bad karma.

Let me ask you about another element, though, which I think is portrayed so powerfully in Born on the Fourth of July. That’s the way Ron Kovic, as a young teenager, is swept up in the ideology of heroism—of being John Wayne, proving his manhood by going to war. But then, of course, his entire sense of manhood, his life, and even his legs are destroyed by the war. That whole mythology of heroism is so powerfully undermined in his story.

Let me ask you about another element, though, which I think is portrayed so powerfully in Born on the Fourth of July. That’s the way Ron Kovic, as a young teenager, is swept up in the ideology of heroism—of being John Wayne, proving his manhood by going to war. But then, of course, his entire sense of manhood, his life, and even his legs are destroyed by the war. That whole mythology of heroism is so powerfully undermined in his story.  And in your view of history, is there heroism in what you’ve witnessed of war? Is there a kind of upside-down heroism? I was thinking about this, and I wondered—maybe you are the hero in Heaven and Earth. But what do you think of this concept that’s so seductive, the idea of heroism that draws people toward war?

Le-Ly: You have a family, a house, a husband, and two or three children. If someone breaks into your house with a gun, either you or your husband will stand up and fight to protect your family. In that moment, you’re the hero. In Vietnam, we knew we were saving our country. We were protecting our grandfather’s graveyard, our beautiful rice paddies, our ponds, our coconut trees, our ducks, chickens, pigs, cows, and water buffalo. We were saving our beautiful mountains and deep seas—that’s all we knew. We didn’t know anything about who signed contracts between the White House and our president back in the 1940s or 50s.

We just protected what was ours, so we could pass it down, generation after generation. Anyone who stands up to protect their piece of land is a hero. It doesn’t matter what country they’re from, what color their skin is, or what they believe in—they have to protect their people. In Vietnam, as someone who wasn’t educated, I believe only Vietnamese should control and take care of Vietnam. When the Chinese came, we fought them for a thousand years. The French came, and we fought them for a hundred years. We fought the Americans for twenty years. Nothing changes. That’s why we call those who fought heroes.

That’s why I made the documentary—to show that the women of Vietnam were heroes over twenty centuries.

So, what do you think about heroes? Or do you dismiss the idea as something delusional?

Oliver: Well, there are many heroes in life, and in a war film, you encounter heroism every day. You see it in the people working in the field—people are selfless in many ways, and they sacrifice a lot. The motivation of the North Vietnamese soldier was shocking to us because they were willing to die in ways we were not. It was their country, too, but still, it’s a big deal. Their zeal is ultimately what won the war.

Despite our body counts—millions of them dead—it didn’t matter. We didn’t understand where they kept coming from. During the Tet Offensive, we were clueless. What are they? Rabbits? Do they just keep multiplying? They outlasted us and suffered more in every single way. They endured disaster after disaster.

It was like a campaign where they refused to give up, much like if the South had won the Civil War. From that point of view, it’s as if we invaded the South, and to a Southerner who was deeply dedicated, it was their land. They’d be there long after we were gone.

Le-Ly: I just want to add one thing. To any young student here in the room: if anyone comes to invade this land, you would stand up and fight, just like the Vietnamese fought for their country. That’s how I teach my sons and my grandson. You have no right to get involved in someone else’s war, but if this country gives you education, gives you who you are today, you have to protect it. In Vietnam, we thought the same way. That’s something universal—anyone in any country should stand up and fight for their land.

So as this 50th Anniversary approaches, how do you feel about what you have been able to communicate to the wider public through your work writing and making films? What do you think still needs to be done and what is our responsibility, all of us here, to tell the right war story about Vietnam? What do we need to do? How can we take this moment and use it?

Le Ly: More books need to be written by both Vietnamese and Americans, from each of their perspectives. If people have their own points of view, they should share them honestly and truthfully—not as propaganda. That’s the first thing. Second, more movies, especially documentaries, should be made to give Vietnamese people a voice. Show the Vietnamese citizens, give them a face, a name, and something they can be proud of, so they know that their contributions to the country mattered, even if they died.

We need to keep doing this—every year, in every class, every time it's necessary—because we won’t always be here to share these stories. But there are many younger people now who are becoming good writers. Even though they were educated here, they need to go back to Vietnam and connect with the people from my generation and those before it.

So foregrounding Vietnamese voices is something you've emphasized a lot in our conversation, so that would be a really important measure. Oliver, what do you think? What needs to be done as we approach this 50th anniversary?

Oliver: Don't ask me—I'm very, very depressed about this. I'm the wrong person to ask. We made these three films, and they were effective to a degree. We recognized Vietnam, we gave them some money, and Americans moved toward reconciliation. But since 2000, we also entered into the War on Terror, essentially declaring war on 65 countries. Things have only gotten worse—much worse.

Our presidents and leadership have put us in deeper and deeper holes, fighting imaginary, paranoid enemies they choose to see because they know there's money in it. That’s how I see it. There’s no real reason to have fought these kinds of destructive wars, killing so many civilians over issues that have been driving this country crazy for decades.

It’s the reverse of the spirit of Eisenhower and Kennedy. Kennedy made the last great speech on peace. Now, I don't even hear the word peace promoted by any candidate. When they debate, it’s all about who can be tougher, who is willing to go all the way. It’s this constant macho buildup of aggression. This country is trapped in it.

We have to get out of this mindset. I look back to that period—the concept of peace and real liberalism—but it’s all been lost. The Democrats have become the war party. It’s shocking to me.

 So do you have any hope that film and your work can...?

Oliver: Film can make a small impact, it can tell some lessons. When people make a big deal about it, I appreciate it. Certainly, it's helped me. But I have very few illusions about the greed, hatred, and darkness in humanity.

Le Ly: When I mention films, books, and all that, I don't mean just about Vietnam—I mean around the world. Any country in war, every country that’s involved in war, should tell their side, give them a chance to share their voice, and show what their suffering is about.

We have a portrait of tremendous darkness in humanity, which you’ve just articulated. But there’s also hope, like Le-Ly suggests—that if we empower enough voices, that darkness can be pushed back. Empowering women is one of those ways to do it.

Oliver: However, look at Hillary Clinton, Madeleine Albright, Kamala Harris—they talk about war positively. They like the idea of it. So, let's not kid ourselves about women being a solution, because we can go back through history and see women like Golda Meir who were also advocates of war.

There are women, but what she's talking about is the collective power of women. And I agree. The collective power of femininity is more important. If men could be more feminized, I think that would help solve this basic tragic problem that goes all the way back to the Greeks and even earlier. I’ve just been reading a wonderful book by Madeline Miller about Achilles, which understands the Trojan War for what it really is. Please read it if you have a chance. Her book The Iliad is about the beginning of man, our written word in the West, and in the East, too, with the Indian epics. It’s all there.

But the problem now is that we’re nuclear. The risk is much larger. We could easily devastate our civilization. Forget economic rebuilding—after a nuclear disaster, it would be a monumental task. And I’m sure some people are already thinking about how to make money off it, because that’s the nature of man: how to rebuild, how to profit from disaster.

Mankind needs to understand that it doesn't matter how much money you have, how powerful you are, or what job you’ve done. None of it goes with you when you die. The only thing you take with you is wisdom and knowledge. When you pass on, you might wake up and think, "Why did I get all that money from selling weapons?" You can’t take it with you, and all you’re left with is bad karma to your grave. That's what I see.

So you have both told - separately and together - some very powerful war stories and you're saying that we need to tell a lot more in order to understand how we bring an end to war. So with that, let's head to questions and Tony is going to moderate the questions. [...] Essentially he's asking that there's actually a multiplicity of voices, not just one voice, from Vietnam. North and South is different. So are you likely to make a future movie that would bring in..?

Oliver: There’s no way another movie will be made about the Vietnamese experience—it’s very difficult, unless it’s a comedy. Making this movie was hard enough, and it didn’t even want to be made. It didn’t have a good box office result, so your question is unrealistic. It’s just not in the nature of the industry to give space to those stories. It’s really up to the Vietnamese to make those movies.

And as Le-Ly will tell you, they don’t put any money into those movies. So, you know, democracy is just a word, yeah…

Le-Ly: My sons are producers, and they work on big movies. Sometimes we receive good screenplays about Vietnam and the war. I forward them to him, and he forwards them to me. When I ask if he’ll produce it, he says no, because there’s no money in it. Unless someone comes with money to fund it, nobody wants to tell Vietnam’s story or produce a film about it.

Hi, I'm Anton. I'm a visiting professor in the department of government. There's a lot of young Harvard students here today, and I was wondering if you could both reflect on what there is to be hopeful about. I agree with you, Mr. Stone, that Americans don't commemorate Vietnam, or even want to think about it often, but is there something hopeful that you're seeing in a new generation of Americans? Thinking about the world, thinking about southeast Asia and whether - if you've been back to Vietnam, I'm sure you have - whether you see something emerging as well, in terms of a young new society in Vietnam that makes you hopeful. Maybe not. I could ask the question to both of you. 

Oliver: That's a good question. I have tremendous hope in the new generation, and I always look to them. I'm curious what they think. But the odds are against them. The American system is such that the schoolbooks kids get are controlled, analyzed, and sanitized. Most of the textbooks come out of either California or Texas, and those school boards have tremendous power. Then there's the media, which, in many ways, functions like government media. Much of it has been paid for, bought, or influenced, and it follows the government line.

American kids are paralyzed from the start unless they go to graduate schools or colleges and do their own research, which is what people like myself have done. But you have to be independent—you can't rely on textbooks or the media. So, to answer your question, it's not going to change. These young people will go to another war, they'll find another reason, and they won't remember history.

You know, after the Greeks, who were incredibly smart, they destroyed themselves with the Peloponnesian Wars—fighting among themselves. The fall of an empire always comes from within, never from without.

Le-Ly: One thing I want to add is that young students who come to places like this university, with professors and smart people to guide them, have a chance to understand life more deeply. They can be guided to make a living honestly and sincerely and give back to society. War takes so much—resources, human lives, bloodshed for thousands of years. Can we change that? Can they change that? A place like this can change them, but the U.S. government must invest in education, to help them understand war, peace, and how we can create a better world for our children and grandchildren to live in.

My name is Tyler. I wanted to ask about the cultural penetration of the Vietnam War and how it compares to where we are now. Vietnam has been very culturally influential in the United States. I see a lot of young faces here in the audience who don’t remember the war. I have a question for everyone on stage: Who remembers the more recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? The movies made about Vietnam shape our picture of it and help us continue to tell the story. Do you think it is likely that the war on terror and the war in Iraq will receive similar considerations and cultural penetration as the Vietnam era films, or are the dynamics too different to tell the same stories?

Oliver: I need your help. I'm sorry. 

He remarked on the power of film and other cultural products to shape our understanding of Vietnam, and will the same thing happen to our understanding of the wars of the 21st century in Iraq and Afghanistan? Will film and other cultural products be as influential in shaping how we understand those wars? 

Oliver: So, is film effective? Is that what he's asking? You're suggesting that film has been effective for Vietnam; will it be effective for these other wars? Film is indeed very effective, but since 2000, the films have often been excessively patriotic. The U.S. military is typically presented as being in the right.

If you remember, President Bush was largely motivated by Black Hawk Down to go into Iraq. The experience in Somalia from the '90s was dramatized in a way that many would consider pro-military. The Pentagon provides helicopters and material for films, but they don’t cooperate if your script contains critical lines. That's the reality of censorship, which has been around for a long time. I’ve been censored myself; I’ve never had any cooperation from them. They’re not interested in telling the truth to the new generation; they’re focused on preserving their jobs and promoting the company line.

Since 2000, war films have moved in a certain direction. For example, remember the film Pearl Harbor? It sanitized the events, just like the glorified depiction of the Benghazi story. Most films about the Iraq War haven’t been critical. There have been a few, like Green Zone, but many avoid crossing certain lines to avoid criticism from the press and media, which often doesn’t think independently.

We need to change the thinking and leadership in this country. We must return to the ideas of peace that Kennedy advocated for and help people understand the value of peace.

Le-Ly: As a Vietnamese, I come from a culture with 5,000 years of history and tradition, learning about Confucianism and Buddhism, which emphasize being good human beings. In our history books, we didn’t focus on the war; instead, we learned how to defend our country if it were invaded. This foundational teaching shaped us from a young age.

Many of my brothers and uncles learned differently in cities, but in rural Vietnam, the focus was on resilience and survival. Unfortunately, discussions about Vietnam often highlight negative aspects: the war, the refugee crisis, the term "red communism," and the killing fields. These portrayals don't reflect our desires; we just want to live peacefully.

The war destroyed our culture and our communities. It turned us against each other, like a green snake attacking its own. I see the impact of war in every culture, in every country. As a mother and grandmother, I believe in the importance of love and compassion for our children. We cannot continue moving from battlefield to battlefield without losing our humanity.

From 1955 to 1975, the pain my village endured was immense. We lost everything: our water buffalo, ducks, and chickens. City dwellers lost cars and houses, but we had only our land. We just wanted to be left alone to survive. The people in cities cannot thrive without the support of rural areas. It's essential to preserve farmland and allow people to live peacefully.

Hi, my name is Vivian. I am a student. I'm a senior at the college. Thank you, Mr. Stone for coming and for speaking with us. But my question is directed to Le-Ly. [speaks Vietnamese] I'll turn back to English now, but my question for you is: For many Vietnamese Americans and those in the diaspora, especially my age, getting family to talk about things that happened during the Vietnam War is not the easiest of conversations. It is something that is avoided. Unlike you, who has shared immense vulnerability today, getting them to share that same vulnerability is difficult. However, many of us also want to continue the tradition you have and the legacy you've left behind to share these stories. How do you recommend going about these conversations? How should we approach having these discussions?

Le-Ly: To me, for the younger generation like you: don’t fall in love, don’t get married. Instead, get a backpack and travel to third-world countries. Volunteer for one, two, or three years to learn how other cultures live, what they need, and how much suffering they endure. Recognize how much we waste here. Then, bring that knowledge back and make a change. You cannot learn what is out there from here; you have to go out there. One voice is very important. You might think that one person cannot make a difference, but one person can indeed create change. It’s not just about you; only you can do it.

There are endless stories that can come from the Vietnam War. They’re controversial, but they can also be turned into profit. You mentioned earlier the money-making machine of other war films, so I’m curious: are films about the Vietnam War also a money-making machine? How do they make money?

Oliver: Yes, they do make money, thank God, because otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to make the next one. Movies are a business, and that’s something that shouldn’t be overlooked.

One point I was trying to make is that many recent war movies are produced from a very patriotic perspective, which is also tied to their profitability. Since the 2000s, it’s gotten worse—much worse. The changes brought about by the Patriot Act and the sense of emergency pushed by George Bush and his group of neoconservatives have altered this country’s landscape forever. Citizens United also played a role, as suddenly you needed a billion dollars to run for office.

These changes started seriously in 2000, and for me, it was shocking to see how little debate there was—especially regarding the Patriot Act and how dissent is not allowed anymore. You can’t say certain things in this country without facing consequences. People have been voicing this concern for a decade now, and we have to be careful. That’s not a way to live life.

-A Half Century Voyage Beyond the Vietnam War with Oliver Stone and Le-Ly Heyslip, The Harvard Kennedy School Institute of Politics, Sept 18 2024. (Transcript edited for clarity and length).

[rotm-channel]

RotM:Chapter III-The Hidden Truth

Since Ancient times there have been sightings and recordings of strange manifestations in the sky.

It was always speculated on the possibilities of….visitors from another world

Today from the skies of California!

The fields of Kansas!

The Freezing Wastelands of the Poles!

The Rice Patties of the Orient!

The Atlantic Ocean!

The Airlanes of the world!

…come persistent reports of UFOs Unidentified flying objects which we have come to know as…flying saucers,something had to be done!

In Dayton Ohio the Air Intelligence Command gathers in search data from all corners of the globe 95 percent of the objects prove to be of natural origin.While 5 percent remain still listed as unknown.

The Air Force is aware of the widely held belief that some of these could be flying saucers from another planet,while there is nothing conclusive in the evidence.The probing and digesting the probing information about UFOs continues unceasingly!

As a result headquarters of the hemispheric defense command in Colorado Springs issued an order:

Any military installations are to fire on sight at any flying objects unidentifiable.

But even as they did this the military wondered if their know-how and best weapons would be effective in any battle of

THE EARTH VS THE FLYING SAUCERS!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Ahhh that's so scary!”Bob said

“Aw come on Bob it's only a movie”Beastman comforted him

“How about a Roger Corman film?Or better yet a documentary.”The Cockroach man suggested.

“Why not a beach film I love those” Link was saying remembering the good old days of rampage and women.

I didn't really pay much attention to that movie they were putting on,besides I was so big I could hardly tell what was going on. The set was so tiny. Sigh…time sure does pass here at a snail's pace.I met some other inmates like Beastman he was quite nice and cultured but we could only see him only at daytime because at night no matter where he was he would lose control of his instincts and be completely feral and dangerous.

Then there was Jaromir the Vodyanoy(or water spirit) who went as far as to flood a village for not leaving his lake alone ,while he went on the run afterward through lakes heading towards the sea,it ended with a showdown with the WASPs(Worldwide Aquatic Security Patrol)after which he was captured and was used as an example to other water spirits to be wary of the consequences of their actions.

Then he was a japanese Yokai Shapeshifter he was a mysterious robber and stole from many jewelry collections he was called the invisible striker as he would take the form of any guard or official,while it was hard to catch him they eventually did and locked him up here .Its true form was Kitsume which meant fox.

And many,many more.

“Even among misfits I'm a misfit”I said to myself

Meanwhile Bob changed the channel and was watching static

“Woah did you get that?CCSSSSHHH!Now that is quality tv!”He said mimicking the static

“Bob, it's on static change the channel!”Beastman said in reply

“Yeah, put on something cool and tropical, ''Link suggested. Hopefully he thought of himself as being very cool especially after being in ice for millennia and he loved the warmth and atmosphere of it.It was a convenient truth that the planet had left the Ice age that froze him.

“You mean like ... .Monster Beach?”The dim-witted Blob said

“Oh No not that again”Link said annoyed

I was looking over the oatmeal and reminiscing of the good old days,days which were not long ago,I just lost almost any taste for food, my life was without any flavor. My life is just dull, gray,monotonous and uncomfortable with enough food to keep me going yet not have any taste to give me an appetite.I had been here for two weeks and It was hard for me to be familiarized with this weird life .It felt like a fever dream .As if I had gone insane and was locked up and put on medications…and yet it was so real.

“Well…at least with this gunk I won't have any weight woes”After this gunk isn't very tempting I said

“Yeah at least I won't gain any weight!”I said aloud trying to stay optimistic.

“But you've already gained Tons of weight” Bob said brainlessly and unintentionally insensitively

“THANKS BOB!”I said I was angered by his remark,He most likely didn't mean it of course. but i couldn't help it.Im not the type to be sarcastic but this was just so…well…different.

Suddenly a large helicopter appeared and it was towing a light,the light which guided Grubzilla back to his cell where he would slumber, meaning it was time for him and us to go to sleep.

“Oh well it's time to go to sleep, good night!”Cockroach said

“Sleep well Amazonia!”Link said

“Have a nice night Ginormica!”Bob said

“Her name is actually Titanica!”Beastman said

“No Its Susan”I said

While I chose the name Titanica it was against my will i just found it to be the best of a bad lot. My,I wish they would just shut up and stop calling me that!I am not Titanica,I am Susan!

In the cell I was deep in thought and then I saw the kitten “Hang in there”Poster and said to myself“Okay,Susan Murphy Hang in there and face the facts.You're in Jail unfairly imprisoned and none of my friends know where I am,but they know I'm missing, Derek might know some powerful people,Mom and Dad will also do there best,and everyone present at the wedding saw it happen and will…….. “EUREKA!That's it!”I shouted loudly and happily.

But then I remembered I was under 24 hour surveillance by the personell observing me. So I thought to myself“Some of my friends and family were filming and taking photos at my wedding,and would still be filming and taking photos when I turned to a giantess.That's excellent proof!Like who wouldn't want to take a photo of something as weird as that…The Government can't keep me a secret anymore!They must know I've been kidnapped.The Government can't keep me with that out and about!They just can't!"After that I calmed down from my elation and went to sleep.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had a strange dream that night,that I was a celebrity and that bilions watched videos of me growing up to giant size on televisions and at meets and well just frankly everywhere.And that I was a phenomenon known as “Bridezilla!”. I felt odd and embarrassed,then again many are most likely seeing the video while I was still dreaming.Oh well I couldn't be that bad!

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The next morning as I woke up I went into the day with new hopes.

Suddenly a beeping sound came.The beeping sound that announced the meals we were to get.The other inmates noticed it as well.

“Oh Boy!It's eat time” Link said happily as he and the gang raced up to the table.

Link dished up his favorite meal,raw fish!He happily dug into it in his primitive manner.

“That is thoroughly repulsive” Doc said

Then he was dished up his food,trash.

“Oh look, a lovely slipper” he said and started to devour it,Bob tried to reach out to take some ,but Doc noticed and promptly pushed him away.

“Sorry but this is my rubbish pile”he said to the blob

He happily indulged in it,When I first saw Doc eat trash I wondered how could someone like eating trash but then I remembered that he said he fused himself with genes of a cockroach and that it not only affected him physically but also mentally,It was like from that book Metamorphosis where that guy got turned into a bug and found how much he loved rotten things.

Then again i must admit Doc has been doing a pretty good job of disregarding his bug instincts and has been acting very kind and civil .In fact I bet he's the nicest person i met since…the day…As for Bob seeing as he's such a simpleton…well such a thing wouldn't really have much taste or completely bizzare taste at that.

“Doc!DOC!DOC!DOOOOOCCCC!!!” Bob screamed in terror

“I forgot to breathe. What will I do?How can I breathe help me Doc!”The brainless blob screamed in terror!

“Bob,you are a Blob and you do not need to breathe”Cockroach deadpanned,this wasn't the first time this week Bob had that type of problem.

“WOW!THANKS DOC YOU'RE A LIFESAVER!”Bob said happily and I saw him shaking the hands with Doc

Some time later I layed down alone,when suddenly I felt a scurrying up my legs. I used my hand to scrape it off. It was Jacques and he went flying all the way to the wall and hit it with a thud his hands were twitching.

"OH!Im so sorry!"I said realizing I accidentally crushed him,how emberassing!

“No no my dear it is my fault entirely I should have asked before i climbed on you at times the bug part of me takes control and I don't notice”Jacques-Yves said

“Anyway I have something to tell you”He said while he scurried over in front of me.

“My examinations of you have proven most intriguing,Susan.I have no Idea what could have caused it.Do the scientist from the examination know anything about it?”He asked me curiously

“The scientists just call it Chemical X”I said “They don't know much about it,in fact they are not even sure if it was an element,it could have been anything really.

“Well ,maybe we should give it a name then”Jacques said

“Titanium?No wait that's already been taken".Cockroach mused

Susanium?He said,I blushed, it was nice but kinda unfitting.

“Cockroachium?”I said,Doc smiled back.

“I don't know,I have been running checks on you,whatever it is it affect you completely right down to your quantum levels”Doc was deep in thought

“Hmmm,Quantonium?It seems fitting.”He said

“Yeah,I think that's just a fine name for it,if it even is an element.”I said Doc's name was okay for now.

“Well for all I know and the scientist too, what happened to you could have been anything like just a magic trick that changed you,but that would be daft!”he said jokingly

“Yeah”Was all I said,he was right and it made me think,maybe it wasn't some kind of element or radiation or all that jazz.Maybe it could be something beyond our comprehension…then again maybe I was just overthinking,I looked back at Jacques.

I liked him. He was so nice to me and so understanding,maybe because he was at one point a normal human being too and he was rather intelligent in addition to being accustomed to all sorts of beasts

“Doc, this place is like Alcatraz for the supernatural” I said to the tiny bug headed white cloth scientist.

His large cockroach eyes looked at me and then thought about something and then he said

“More like Tartarus!”

“What?”I answered,like what's this tartar something?

“Its from Greek mythology Doc swiftly replied It was used to imprison Demons,Titans and certain humans as a prison,you know interesting story the titans who were giants led by Cronus were banished there as punishment It was said to have been a prison built by the gods.Odd how there are such strange parallels between the real and the mythical…then again you're mythical giantess and you real,I guess it's just a coincidence”The seemingly tiny doctor told me

I was amazed by his knowledge and kinda embarased by my ignorance,so then left to the side for awhile

Monger arrived inside and again a helicopter used its light to direct Grubzilla away,I was disgusted by the way he treated him as if he was just an object

“Monger,I need to have a word with you” I said trying to look serious,I was waiting for this all day…at least i thought it was day,Deep down i was nervous however.

“Sure thing”He answered and the flew to me

“What about..visits?When will I see anyone from my family again?”I said

“No visits to any monsters ,sorry but that's just the way it is can't bring just anybody here for any reason we gotta keep this place and you secret”Monger said

“How long will I have to be here?" I demanded “How long will you keep this little game of yours up?Another day?week?Month or a year?”I said desperately as tried to come to terms with his previous sentence

“Forever” Monger said cooly and calmly and landed his jetpack and turned it off and walked towards me

“After all the military is expert at covering up and creating misinformations to fill in the gaps…If it is necessary that is…after all most think the Easter Bunny is a fable.”He explained

“So…I'm just gonna rot here for always and always and always, for doing nothing wrong?”I said “In fact a lot of these other creatures are too!And they arent all that bad”

“Well,I wouldn't say so”!Monger said

“But they're innocent!”I told Monger in a defiant tone!

“Innocent eh?”Monger said

“Actually most if not all are guilty. Each of them went on a rampage,caused destruction,were a danger to society and possibly even killed people intentionally or not!Grubzilla has the highest damage and death count by far and while he didnt mean to destroy part of Tokyo ,he is still a hazard and a big one at that!Link went on a rampage and kidnapped many innocent women and killed a several men who were trying to stop him from getting the girl.”

"And Beastman killed several people too,no wonder he gave himself up as he realized he couldn't control himself at night in the slightest.And wisely saw this as the correct choice"

"And that Blob, while he can only eat inorganic matter he still eat through a few city blocks caused property damage several people were injured and he imperiled many innocent lives!If You are in any doubt we have the M-Files for it and even if not convinced then we even have footage of there rampages!"

“But I didn't go on a rampage!”I protested,I WAS IN THE RIGHT!I didn't Kill anyone,I didn't intentionally become a giantess,or intentionally cause any trouble .Im Innocent .I'm supposed to be free!

“True!But you must understand that you did cause some havoc though unintentionally as well as being well…a giantess,I'm sorry but you were just too dangerous to be around,that and we need to keep myths hidden and Giants aren't exactly easy to hide or cover up.And If you would be free many would panic and possibly even try to kill you. And also we have agreements for cover-ups for a reason you know for your benefit and societies at large”Monger said

“How did you even think you'll cover me up?And all these creatures and their actions as well?”I said trying to get him off his arguments though he did plant a seed of doubt in my head with his proclamations

“Well Link was actually “revealed” to be an actor in a suit who was part of a movie production and the whole thing including the footage was brushed off as a publicity stunt.The Wolf-man was just a gag of several teeagers who had a suit and scared people with it.”

“Bob was just called a lab explosion which caused the damage and some of the gasses escaping from it ,caused people to hallucinate.”

He finished his long speech with “I Could go on but you get the point.”

“But you can't just expect people to unsee me!There were many by me and I wouldn't be surprised if photos or videos were taken of it!You just can't tell them to unsee that!And you can't just do as if I never existed!”I said to try and fight against all of his statements.

“True,but we can give “explanations” and “reveal the truth to the public”.As for those who saw you we just advised them to not talk about it,besides no one would believe them.And those Photos were destroyed and while a video of it was leaked by someone at the wedding and shown on a Mystery channel we quickly disavowed its legitimacy.We said that it was actually done as a parody of monster movie made by some students in Modesto and sent there actually to promote their film efforts”

So…I really was alone asking if my parents or friends would visit would obviously be fruitless so I asked for the last remaining thing

“Can I at the very least call my parents or write to them?”I said holding on to a last string of hope for some,any contact

“That is not an option,there is a risk of an information leak”Monger continued in a stoic voice cutting off the last thread of hope

“EVEN A SERIAL KILLER HAS THE RIGHT TO THAT!”I screamed in rage,I was infuriated,I screamed so loud that some glass from some of the observatories cracked and broke.

Monger gave me a disapproving look which then turned into one which looked more like disappointment.

“I am sorry”He said

And with that he walked away…

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I contemplated the whole situation while some know the videos are taken as fake and anyone in Modesto who saw me would be discouraged and my parents couldn't do anything.I was…On my own.

I sat down and cuddled myself into a ball into one corner.I could feel tears slowly forming in my eyes.

“Cmon Susan”I said to myself “Get up and face it.It aint all bad!”I had to push through it.No more crying now!I thought that maybe what he told me were lies…fat chance!

So here I am in my dimly lit room,not long after the lights went out and the room plunged into darkness.I went down and started to cry again,I curled up into a ball and eventually stopped crying.I tried to make myself happy.

I tried to still dream about the happy days, the days of being NORMAL!Those days have to be back.

Then I thought about the test they conducted on me and those surveys of my body.There still is hope!The scientists were working out to find out what happened to me,and if they did they could cure me and everything could be just Honky Dory again…

“But…if they're trying to figure me out ,there must be more to it”I thought to myself.If they figured out how I work,what would stop them from making their own giants?I thought to myself. So I have two outcomes…and both bad…and even if they cure me, who knows how long…will Derek still be waiting for me?

That night I had a nightmare, giants destroying city blocks crushing innocent people causing war,death,famine and plagues…well ok maybe not plagues but still…..all this…and then I saw myself being pointed at by the victims in what was left of Modesto“You……you did this”One said “No wait I didn't mean to I”I tried to defend myself and those victims...they were my friends and "choke"family! “You…did this to us”Another one said. “This was all your fault,If it were not for you we wouldn't have lost everyone we knew,our homes and suffered greatly under all of this”

“MONSTER!MONSTER!MONSTER!”My former bes friends chanted while pointing at me in the ruins of my hometown."Wait Im sorry!I never wanted this.

Then I saw that they brought to me Derek…he was dead and they said “He Died because of you,”I looked at Derek…his starry eyes still looking outward as if searching for me,never to see me again in this barren wasteland.

“DEREK?DEREK!DEREK!”I cried out,Clutching his body,we would be forever separated husband and wife.Then I cried out “NOOOOO!!!!!”

With a shock I woke up and looked around just to make sure I was still here.

“Oh,It was only a bad dream”I said in relief, resting myself and giving a large sigh of relief,everything calmed down and was quite save for my breathing,I then thought back to the experiments,what happened in the dream could become maybe one day a sad reality.

I really have to get out of here.

------------------------------------------

Firstly the end was done as a nightmare (So if it doesn't make sense or have contrivances i did it intentionally to boil it down to her worst fears and pains coming to get her,after all dreams(and nightmares) have no limitations and can really show us thing we cant see)

The Next Parts will be different:There lenghts may vary due to what part of the story thell  tell and I will change the POV character too to give us more insight and characterisation of these characters(I am working on several chapters at once to make better connections between the stories and to plan ahead so sorry for the delays im working on it still)

I made this fake-out opening just because i thought that the monsters should watch something in there spare time(also yes Earth vs the Flying Saucers is a real film I had on dvd and though quoting it would make the opening more interesting…and those 5 percent are most likely the guardians and other such magical beings)

[jennkitty]

Today on Rufflechat: Connie of Atelier Pierrot made a post detailing the work put into making plus sized releases. For those unaware they are the International Marketing Manager for the brand and has worked to bring out the new plus sized items. I’m reposting it here to make it a bit easier to reference later outside of fb. This will be a long read!!

✨Inside look at small business manufacturing in Japan✨

Japanese brands' manufacturing processes are usually quite mysterious, and I think there are lots of misconceptions overseas, especially when it comes to plus size releases.

Although there's some points I can't go into too much detail for, as the person leading the plus size releases for a Japanese brand I have done a lot of research and have a lot of stats to facilitate the development of these releases.

This will be quite long, and with a lot of interacting factors but I've tried to break it up into sections to make it more manageable for people with no executive function (like me).

⭐ General release size

The first thing to understand is - Japanese brands are all small businesses. They are not huge companies making 1000 of each dress. Typically, even the "big" brands are making 200-300 of each release, across all colourways. Popular releases will sometimes be larger scale. (AP is an exception, but their manufacturing process is very different and they're generally an anomaly in lolita - but still a small business that is at risk if just one of their releases is enough of a flop. They've also said that they have no interest in doing plus size releases, and they have a sufficiently large market in China currently that they don't need to take the financial risk of starting plus size).

⭐ Plus size market size

Within this general market, the plus size market is actually incredibly small, and most overseas lolitas completely overestimate the size.

(For reference, in Japan Bust 100cm, Waist 80cm would be considered L/XL. Anything above this is definitely plus size. Remember that when a Japanese brand uses the term "plus size", they are likely to be referring to Japanese plus size which makes up the majority of their market).

For releases that have a plus size version, the plus size sales make up about 15-30% of all sales. Typically, it's 22-25%. This is the same for both Meta and AtePie (with overall sales numbers being comparative).

Say there's 300 items across colourways for a release (Meta's "regular" size and AtePie's Size 1), proportionally, it might have 75-100 items for all plus size pieces, across all sizes.

I've tried to show these ratios with the graph shared on this main post, but have not said the exact sales numbers. It's worth noting that the Douceur Cutsew had a particularly good sales ratio for plus size, and the Bustle Corset JSK is currently in progress, ending 7/21. The number of plus size sales will increase a little until then, but so will the Size 1.

Doing small-size runs (less than 50 pieces per size) is incredibly costly, which I'll go into more detail for later.

⭐ Differences in Japanese Vs overseas buying practices.

Although of course they still buy some items secondhand, Japanese lolitas are FAR more likely to buy new and support the brands they love. However, most overseas lolitas tend to buy secondhand, or very rarely new direct from Japanese brands (even for accessories).

This obviously doesn't mesh well with the plus size manufacturing system, which has to be MTO due to the small market and risks of production.

Generally, when Japanese customers request an item be rereleased/made in a new colour etc, typically 80% of people requesting will actually purchase. When overseas lolitas make item requests, typically 30% will purchase. This obviously has a huge impact on each market's buying power, and is something that has to be considered when releasing items.

The influence of overseas customers is much less strong/reliable. However, the plus size market is largely overseas, making up about 80-95% of plus size purchases (regardless of brand). As you can imagine, this combined with the lower amount of overseas customers buying new means that the actual demand for plus size releases is very small.

(Actual demand = people who actually buy the items, not just a desire to have them made)

⭐ Plus size actual demand

As you might have noticed, Meta has stopped doing their Plus Plus size releases due to insufficient demand. Atelier Pierrot plus size releases (especially size 3 and 4) are currently under review, based on previous plus size sales.

I am really pushing to find solutions to continue plus size releases, but short of putting the manufacturer or brand at risk, there's very little extra that me or AtePie can do.

Japanese brands absolutely should not put themselves at financial risk for any release just for the sake of it being made, especially if there's insufficient support.

In general, the solution is - customers who want to see more of certain releases should support these releases by purchasing new, especially for plus size where the Japanese market cannot be relied on to bolster the sales. This is actually how I've been able to propose more purple releases with AtePie recently! Purple is relatively popular in Japan, but people really love it overseas!

If people don't order plus size items new, they simply will not be manufactured.

It's very unlikely to find the size that you'd need secondhand, especially in the colourway you like best, if only a small amount were ordered in the first place.

⭐ Manufacturing process and costs (general)

During the manufacturing process, the item is first designed (and print, if applicable), fabric, trim and colourways are chosen, measurements/pattern is modelled and decided. A sample is made (in the real fabric, to determine how it drapes etc). Adjustments are made to the sample and if necessary another sample is made. Brands will typically try to avoid making the second sample wherever possible because it's very expensive, but sometimes it's unavoidable. Then, the pricing is determined and if it's a general release the number of each item to be released is decided. Colourways are released in different numbers based on demand. As a gothic brand, Atelier Pierrot produces more of the black colourway of each item.

The price is determined by the overhead manufacturing costs, material/trim costs, pattern making, shipping of materials/products, among other things.

The sample commission and pattern cutting are the most costly parts of item development. Designers really don't make much at all and work long hours - for many of the "big" brands it still works out as approximately minimum wage, which is about 1000 yen per hour in Japan.

If the main designer is also the brand owner (e.g AtePie, Sheglit), of course they make more money but they still aren't millionaires by any stretch of the imagination.

Lolita is a passion project for many of the people involved, which is why brands may just stop if people get burnt out/lose that passion (Boz).

⭐ Manufacturing process and costs (plus size)

Plus size releases follow this same general process. However, multiple sizing means that multiple samples must be made. Samples must be made in all colours and all sizes to make sure that they come out as expected. For reference, the current AtePie Bustle Corset JSK samples were:

Size 2 - black x white, purple

Size 3 - navy, bordeaux

Size 4 - purple, black

These additional samples add a huge amount of cost (usually it's 200-300k yen for main piece samples in each size, but this varies). If an item is rereleased in the same fabric, another sample wouldn't be necessary. Items released in another fabric would need another sample.

Having small runs of less than 50 of each Plus Size sizing increases the cost per item.

Another additional cost is adjusting the patterns to fit plus size bodies. AtePie adjusts all measurements, not just bust and waist (shoulder width, arm circumference, arm scye, bodice length, skirt circumference etc). Most Japanese brands and manufactures aren't familiar with how to adjust patterns for plus sizing (especially Western plus size), so this stage often has to be outsourced, which is more costly. As time goes on, the measurement range would become more familiar and require less work/lower costs each time (which could be passed on to the customers). However, this could only happen with long term plus size production.

However, plus size dresses are always going to cost more than the size 1 to manufacture. I'm sure a lot of people are aware that the material cost is significantly higher. If a waist circumference is 20cm larger, to have proportional gathering it usually requires ~60cm extra fabric. Adding gathered chiffon on top means an additional 180cm of fabric. These material costs quickly add up.

A cost that many people aren't aware of is the "pattern cutting cost". Most Size 1 lolita releases fit on a single pattern sheet, to be cut out onto fabric by the manufacturer. However, plus size releases have larger measurements and usually require two or more pattern sheets (for main pieces). This is paid by sheet, meaning that this stage of the manufacturing process costs 2-3x as much as Size 1 for every single item made.

To avoid these additional costs raising the price of plus size pieces too much, AtePie absorbs a lot of these extra costs. However, this of course means that the profit margin is much lower despite all the extra difficulties/hard work involved, which is a strain for a small business (which all lolita brands are).

AtePie Size 1 and Plus Size Blooming Rose Corsets were the same price because we just absorbed all extra costs. The Douceur Cutsew had less than 1000 yen price difference (due to much higher manufacture costs), but most was still absorbed. The Bustle Corset JSK has a larger price difference because it's an incredibly expensive piece to produce (difference in volume of fabric due to all the ruffles, requires 2-3 pattern sheets to be cut, more QC costs etc), but AtePie is still trying to absorb as much of the costs as possible.

We absolutely will not force the plus size manufacturer to absorb these extra costs because we do not want to put them at risk of closing.

If Japanese brands were to spread these extra plus size costs to the Size 1/"Regular" size, it would alienate the Japanese market and greatly affect sales, which is really not possible when Japanese customers still make up the vast majority of customers

⭐ Quality control issues

It can be hard to find manufacturers that are capable of making lolita pieces. Lolita is much harder to make than regular fashion pieces, with lots of unique details and construction techniques. Brands really try to hold onto long term partnerships with specific manufacturers to minimise mistakes, but they still sometimes happen.

A common mistake is the skirt circumference, especially the lining - often the manufacturer can't believe that there'd be so much VOLUME to the skirt and make a mistake with the measurement. This is often at the initial sampling stage, but sometimes it's the occasional stock item and caught during the Quality Control stage.

Whenever possible, these are returned and corrected to minimise waste. If it's not possible to correct something, they may be sold as B Grade items.

AtePie works with a few different manufacturers for different types of items. For the one of the main manufacturers, we've been working with them for more than 30 years and they have a very good understanding of our designs, but mistakes are occasionally made still.

Manufacture in China usually has a much higher number of mistakes/QC issues, so although it's cheaper than Japanese manufacture it involves a lot more QC, and sometimes expensive/time consuming shipping back to be fixed.

These problems are all exacerbated by adding plus size releases. Manufacturers are unfamiliar with the larger measurements and more likely to get confused/make mistakes. It's more common to have mixed measurements (e.g. the bust is Size 3 but the hem circumference is Size 2). This adds a much longer QC period to make sure defective items aren't sent to customers, which is also costly in terms of labour.

This is why it's so vital that AtePie works to support the manufacturer capable of doing plus size releases without adding additional financial strain to them. We really really want the manufacturer to be able to continue making plus size pieces.

⭐Risk for brands and manufacturers

Meta almost became bankrupt when they started doing plus size releases, and their current manufacturing system is not really sustainable or ideal for the future of plus size releases. Often doing plus size releases is a huge financial risk both for manufacturers and the brand involved.

As mentioned before, manufacturers that can do plus size are very rare in Japan. If one of the very few places that can do plus size closes down, it is highly unlikely it reopen. The current manufacturer in Japan that can do plus size pieces is currently in a very weak financial position due to a former contract with a (non lolita) brand doing plus size. If it is forced to close, it'll be a HUGE blow to plus size availablity in Japan (again, not just lolita).

⭐ Summary

As you can see, the plus size market is really not big at all, and on top of that it's financially risky for lolita brands to get involved with.

AtePie (and mostly me as the person in charge) are working really hard to try to make releases more accessible, but it is done out of passion for lolita and not because it's a lucrative market. If there is sufficient support, over time it may become easier to release plus size items more often, and with very little/no price difference (this is my goal!)

However, this is a goal that is entirely dependent on overseas customer support.

Buying new from lolita brands is the best way to show the brand where the market might exist and encourage more of the items you want to see. Supporting AtePie plus size releases will also allow us to in turn support the plus size manufacturer and hopefully allow them to continue making plus size pieces (not only lolita) into the future.

Even though this is a hugely long explanation, I've still barely covered the basics. I hope it was still informative for people!

[journey-to-balance]

The Beauty of an Ordinary Life.

There is always beauty to be found in a normal ordinary life, but it is more obvious to me than ever in sweet summertime.

I was reflecting yesterday morning on something our family used to do when the children were little; we traveled to different states throughout the United States. The summer road trips were educational, beautiful, and fun, but in many ways, nothing really compared to ordinary life at home for me.

One thing I did love about getting out and exploring, was drawing inspiration from the surrounding landscapes. I remember taking an untold amount of photos of gardens everywhere. They were just so magical. I would daydream about recreating something like that at home someday, to have the ability to make wild arrangements with blooms cut from my own garden.

Today, one aspect of my ordinary life that I certainly don't ever want to take for granted is my pollinator garden. It isn't fancy, and it isn't always well tended to, but I know I simply couldn't fully enjoy it if I weren't spending these long, ordinary summer days at home.

What's more, some of the most enjoyable ordinary aspects of daily living such as a freshly cleaned kitchen, a sudsy bath before bedtime on a 95+ degree day, or sinking into the softness of a comfortable pillow, can be done whether you have your dream home or don't, and whether you have your dream income or don't - simple pleasures are available for everyone to enjoy.

Sometimes I think we're so overstimulated that our brains need no more than the daily simple gifts that God wired us to take pleasure in.

We planted a lot of tomato seeds this year. It's one of my favorite staples to plant, because they're some phenomenal varieties, they crowd out the weeds easily, and I can't think of a day when I don't use them in a meal. Harvesting them in huge quantities feels incredibly abundant.

Of course, I've had periods throughout my life when I haven't been so inspired by homemaking. Maybe I lost my momentum, or my rhythm. Maybe I was physically exhausted or ill, you know, on those days when I simply had to power through.

The homemaking, the ordinary aspects of life that we all have to do, like cleaning up multiple times a day, taking care of the laundry multiple times a week, getting food on the table, all feel like struggle when I am not able to have moments of beauty. For it is beauty that allows me to find the motivation to embrace all of what makes daily existence difficult.

For me, when I'm feeling down, disappointed by something or someone, and maybe not very inspired, something as simple as making a fancier breakfast, something that I've put some extra effort into, can make a difference in my day. Playing soft piano music while cooking, or even lighting a candle can be a game-changer in shifting my perspective regarding my day.

Without question, one of the most tangible, most constant ways to enjoy an ordinary life is by enjoying special food. In fact, If I've learned anything from my experiences traveling abroad over the years is how beautifully some cultures spend time creating wonderful meals, and lingering around them as they engage in conversation.

Somewhere along my career driven trajectory, at least in my little world, I hoped to divorce myself from the rushed, loud, hedonistic and chaotic path I'd followed for so long. But, that's a story for another time.

What I mean to say is, there's no end to what you can be inspired by in your home. Whether it's creating a new garden, trying your hand at baking something new, renovating or reviving a project, spending an evening reading, painting, drawing or writing like me, there's plenty of ways to enjoy these long ordinary summer days at home.

Friends, let those of us who have the privilege of living an ordinary life, especially when we consider that there are countless who have tumultuous, tragic, insecure lives, never take it for granted.

Thanks for reading these ordinary, but joyful words with me. May you find moments to enjoy, relish and savor. Maritza

[hexenmond]

Webcomic Wednesday: Gunnerkrigg Court

Buckle up folks, this is going to be a long one. Not least because this comic has been running for years and years now (since 2005, even longer than I thought!). And it really has it all — I’m sure I could throw bits and bobs at you for longer than anyone would care to read and I still wouldn’t need to hit any spoilers. There’s just so MUCH!

Shortest summary I can do: It’s a coming of age story, following Antimony, a not very average girl in a decidedly fantasy-techy world, throughout her years at Gunnerkrigg Court, a school for the weird and paranormal.

Distinct art style

Well art is always a matter of taste, but in my humble opinion it started out unique and striking and a little bit quirky and only got better over the years. Have a few a whole bunch of samples, roughly from older to newer:

(I actually own physical copies of the first three volumes, and both the vibrant and the more muted colours really set a mood on the black paper.)

Tons of multidimensional, juicy characters

Seriously, every single character is a fleshed out, complex person with believable capacity for genius and being likeable, but also for mediocrity and villainy (and in quite a few cases, I still really don‘t know what their deal is). I especially enjoy all the teenagers behaving like actual teenagers, making impulsive decisions and having no clue. But also I should say that there are many, many non-human characters, and they are really fun!

Let’s see, we have, in no particular order:

a selection of figures from myths and stories

some shadows

laser cows (I’d completely forgotten about those until my son read the comics and wouldn’t shut up about them for days)

some fairies

people who turn into animals

animals who turn into people

someone who looks like a human but isn’t

a person whose mind is in a cage most of the time

ghosts and spirits

and very importantly, ROBOTS

The most mind-blowing world building

Just imagine: this comic will be twenty years old next year. It has been plodding along at a steady pace of three pages a week, usually without much of a chapter break. And there are so many threads woven throughout this story that may or may not get picked up again - it might just go on for another twenty years, but then again it could also end in a gigantic big bang within a year. I really couldn’t say.

Now that I think about it, it reminds me a bit of The Sandman (disclaimer: it’s been at least a decade since I last read those comics), with all the many elements from different mythologies crisscrossing and interweaving to make this thick tapestry of stories within a story. (And I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that so far, the basis of that world seems rather more solid to me – Sandman’s “fundamental universal forces” that just happen to be seven in number, all conveniently starting with a D, have always bugged me a little bit).

Long story short, I’ve been reading this comic since 2009 or so, and I have yet to tire of it. It’s masterfully done, cohesive with a fair amount of plot twists, suitable for young teenagers (possibly younger depending on the kid), inclusive without being explicit about it, fantastical, techy, and it just feels so genuine to me.

Go take a look, but remember - we’re in chapter 95. Pace yourself. (I’m saying this as someone who has a hard time doing that usually…)

Start here: First page of Gunnerkrigg Court

Bonus: Parley being a badass!

[rivenroad]

Thoughts on Dawntrail MSQ - Part 1 (roughly 90-95, general discussion of plot)

I finished it a few days ago now and I've been slowly putting together a record of my thoughts, here's the first part.

Some of you may remember my feelings about Endwalker and, subsequently, my hopes for the future of XIV's story. Mostly, with Dawntrail I was looking forward to the opportunity for change, a new start, and hopefully a return to one of the things that made me fall in love with the game to begin with - excellent world-building and lore to get immersed in. I would say it gave me those things.

I would like to discuss my thoughts about the story in detail, but at the moment that's a bit difficult for me. I think I would need to go through it again another time in order to properly solidify everything that I feel. But I still have a few points to make.

Firstly, as I mentioned above I was really looking forward to the chance to explore Tural and learn about it and its people, and of course, that's exactly what the first arc of 7.0 was all about. I had a fantastic time with it (and continue to do so, since there are still a lot of quests, exploration and so on for me to do), which was enhanced by the graphics update. I'm pleased to say that beyond a few minor things, most of my characters look the same or better than they did before, and the degree to which the lighting, texture and object density improved the environments is absolutely stunning. I'm really excited to draw the new places, they're incredibly inspiring from an artistic angle. I've spent so much time staring at new higher-definition plants, admiring lighting and weather effects...

I'm thrilled with the presentation of the Mamool Ja. I always found them intriguing, but until now we didn't really get very much solid information about them beyond a few scraps in ARR and the BLU questline. I absolutely love Gulool Ja Ja, he's definitely my favourite character in Dawntrail, and the others interested me a lot too. Very well done and the voice acting was great. I didn't expect to actually get to visit Mamook, but I love it, I really enjoyed all of their history and that of Tural in general... as well as the Mamool Ja, I'm particularly fond of the Yok Huy and the Moblins (long time goblin fan, of course) but I feel that all of the diverse people of Tural were interesting and it all came together very well.

I've seen some criticism of this part of the MSQ with regards to it being boring. I really didn't feel that way though I know it's just not what some people enjoy, which is fair. But Wuk Lamat was fine. The degree to which the "power of friendship/peace" message is stressed sometimes does feel a little silly to me when it's presented so plainly, people have compared it to a shounen anime from that angle and I would agree, but it's not necessarily a bad thing - just not my usual preference.

One thing that did bother me throughout the expansion, though, is one that I expected - I'm really quite tired of the Scions. Estinien is the most blatant example here - his presence in the story served absolutely no purpose whatsoever. I was rather disappointed that the story behind Thancred and Urianger's presence and supposed "opposition" with the others turned out to be... basically nothing of any importance at all, given how it was dramatised in the trailers and so on.

I am fond of many of them, but I'm very strongly in favour of retiring characters, concepts or anything else before they start to become stale, and unfortunately we're very much at this stage with those guys... Just because I like a character doesn't mean I want to see them pop up everywhere all the time when it doesn't really have a point to it. I dunno. Doesn't seem like they're going to drop it, though...

I'm going to continue the rest of my thoughts in a separate post since it involves more specific spoilers for the later half of the story.

[rigelmejo]

More progress updates, because I'm having fun!

Glossika japanese: did 1248 sentences, 10,055 reps so far, it says I'm High A1 20.4%. I believe that based on the sentence quality I am getting, they are A1 sentences vocabulary wise. The grammar includes various higher level stuff, but the vocabulary is fairly basic and mostly review of stuff I've learned before and just forgotten or gotten rusty with). Glossika has articles that claim a good first goal is 25,000 sentence repetitions for a noticeable improvement in speaking. So i'll give a little review on progress compared to glossika's claim, when I get to 25,000 reps. Their articles also indicate the eventual goal is to do 100,000 reps in glossika for speaking fluency (i'd argue i'll probably have B1 speaking skills at best by then, but glossika's app claims B2 or C1 so i'm going to score them a bit harshly regardless). I dont think it will be especially hard to do 100,000 reps, as Ive done 10k from around 1000 sentences, and the app has 6500+ sentences, so just going through all sentences ill be around 65,000 reps and then its just a few weeks of reviews.

Reading 默读 by priest: I've read 3 chapters now. Both extensively (not looking up words) and intensively (looking up every word I don't fully know/remember the definition of or pronunciation of). My conclusion is that I am comprehending about 86% percent (like yesterday's calculation) CLEARLY and then another 10% I can guess roughly what's going on and be close enough to use those guesses to learn, or I can guess based on the plot I remember. With that much at least roughly comprehended, it makes reading 默读 extensively doable if I want to do it. I recognize most the hanzi, so when I slow down and read very slowly, I understand closer to 90% of the words (just having forgotten pronunciation), and then using context guess the few unknown hanzi and the words they make, so there's not a huge hit in story understanding. If I read fast, reading along with audio as it plays, I make vaguer guesses about what descriptions mean that use hanzi I know/one I dont in ways I'm unfamiliar with. So far my guesses have been rough, but generally in the ballpark, so I've been able to keep reading without pausing to look stuff up if I choose to.

I am thinking of doing an experiment with 默读. I will read it while listening, because that forces me to practice reading at a faster pace (speaking speed). I will only look words up if I feel like it (so not all the time, probably only occasionally). And I will note if in 20 chapters, 40 chapters etc, I am noticing if I have "learned" significantly more words, noticing if I've gotten better at comprehending words I know quicker while following along to spoken speed (so clearer understanding). The idea of reading comprehensible material to you (say 95% words you know or more), is in theory you pick up more vocabulary through context, and improve reading skills, over the course of reading. Growing up, literature classes and reading assignments basically give you mostly comphrehensible materials to read and that's a major way your vocabulary and reading skills build in your native language. Yes, some classes make you look up vocabulary for a particular literature book assigned (or defined terms in a science textbook). But the vast majority of free reading time is: pick a book for your age level, teacher encourages something slightly challenging but comprehensible. I have read simpler chinese novels extensively, and made progress. But 默读 would probably be the highest unique-vocab book I'd try it with. The upside is? I could potentially learn more new vocabulary from this book. And then in the future it will make reading other stuff easier. So yeah, I'll update on progress later.

Read chapter 3 of 默读. Listened to modu audiobook chapters 1-3. I noticed my listening skills just... fucking suck lol. I can read so much better than I can listen. I was getfing through the audiobook based on phrases I recognized and the dialogues, despite being able to READ those chapters... listening to them I just couldnt recognize as many words. I will also be extensively listening to the audiobook, as see how much sheer Volume of audio listened to helps me improve. I guess on the upside: i used to not comprehend the audiobook much, so this does feel essier, even if its still miles away from full comprehension.

Other things of note:

i find it funny that after a week of getting back into things, im quietly saying the hanzi as i read again. Apparently pronunciatioj WAS locked in my read somewhere, it was just rustier than visual recognition.

I may watch Absolute BL/zettai bl season 3 in japanese. Since its out?!! It exists!!! Which is news to me. It isnt fully translated yet. However, my japanese sucks so i might fail miserably. I Cannot Reach You On Netflix would be another choice (wirh japanese subs available and english). But i miss Mobu. ToT

Its shockingly weird how much reading skill works? Like... it rusts and you "forget" but then if you use it, it always comes back within a week or two. Thats what happens with reading french for me, and apparently with chinese too. I havent read in 6 months ish. Last week I tried to read SCI, i was fucking terrible. Confused as hell, even though it should be easier than modu. Well this week I'm reading modu, which has more unique words in it, and it feels fine and doable and fairly okay to understand. And to be fair, part of that is I just am much more comfortable parsing priest's writing style. So I go back to try reading SCI again today. Well? Easy. What the fuck. It was barely parseable last week. Now I can read: 办公室的门在受到撞击前的一刹那打开了，两人刹车不及，直接摔了进去，双双落地，正中地板。就听楼下有人隔着窗户朝上大喊：“你们刑警队的就不能消停一天？再这样下去，哪天真的地震了，整个楼里的人都不知道跑啦……” 张龙���王朝从地板上爬起来，就见白玉堂手上端着杯咖啡，靠在办公桌边似笑非笑地看着他俩。just fine. It's easy. Okay then.

Oh and also. Tao rans name? 陶然 the fact its the same ran as huran/turan/mengran so many "suddenly" words that come up at the beginning of a sentence, and tao ran's name Also comes up at the beginning of sentences, keeps throwing me off when I listen.

[impossibleprincess35]

[20 Question Fic Writer Tag]

Hey, I got tagged twice. Thanks @yourfavoritefridge and @miserableandmagical94! <3

How many works do you have on AO3? Only nine, ten tomorrow, but I feel like I'm a n00b as I just got back into writing fic this past spring.

What is your AO3 word count? 376,550

What fandoms do you write for? Mainly Star Wars. I'm kind of obsessed at the moment. Like, I've gone down the SW rabbit hole and I kinda love it here.

What are your top five fics by kudos? Asphodel: 168 The Echo and the Stain: 50 Peace: 42 Hard Candy: 25 La Cantina de Bloomita: 21

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I totally do. I cherish every kudos, every bookmark, every subscription, and every comment on my stories, because no one is obligated to interact at all. The fact that people take the time to do it? I want you to know I see you and I appreciate you. You could be doing a billion other things with your spare time, but you chose to read my new chapter? and then you took the time to tell me what you thought?! I adore you.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? In Vain. Obi-Wan goes to Kalevala in search of something to feel close to Satine in the wake of Order 66. I remember writing it and being like, "Well, this is fucking depressing."

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Peace. Satine gives birth to Korkie with Obi-Wan right there with her, and it's just fluff and love and newborn baby sweetness.

Do you get hate on fics? Occasionally, I get some kind of comment that implies that I have grossly misunderstood the Obi-Wan/Satine characters, and I just shrug it off. Some people don't like my version of their year on the run because they're annoying eighteen year olds, and I suppose all of us were our best selves at 18? And some of the feedback I've heard on Asphodel makes it sound like I've turned Satine into a Space Thot or something, like she's DTF with everyone in the galaxy. For the most part, though, the feedback I've gotten is amazing, so I keep doing what I'm doing.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes, I dabble in the smut. In Asphodel, it's very much a romantic thing. There's occasionally a little bit of gratuitous smut, but I'd say 95% of the time, the smut scenes are pivotal to the story and give you more insight into their characters and how emotionally tied to one another they are. Maybe I could illustrate those emotional ties through dangerous experiences, but that's what I'm doing in my year on the run story, so.. romantic sex it is. ;)

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I haven't attempted this yet. I feel like my brain would explode if I tried a crossover.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No, and I fear this ever happening. I'm mean and vindictive. My Aries moon is a bitch.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but this would be so cool. What a huge compliment, right?

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? Nope, haven't done this yet, but I'd be open to it in the future.

What's your all-time favorite ship? It's a tie between Steggy (MCU) and Obitine (SW). I'll just admit this right here and right now, at the end of Endgame, I sobbed. For two hours. TWO HOURS. My husband has video of me in the car leaving the theater and I'm crying like a crazy person because Steggy got their happy ending. I was so deep into that "doomed by the narrative" ship that I never thought it would happen, so when it did, I basically lost my mind and embarrassed myself in front of all our friends. But I own it. I will love them forever. I'm almost as crazy over Obitine.

What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will? Shhh, don't say that. I'm finishing them all.

What are your writing strengths? I'm really not sure. I mean, I like my writing. I like my stories. I write for me, so it's all good. Someone wanna tell me what my strengths are? Maybe it's the details. I think I'm detail oriented.

What are your writing weaknesses? I'm long winded. If I could cut my chapters back to 3K words a piece, I think my stories would hit a wider audience and I would probably sleep better at night, but c'est la vie.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Never say never, but it's unlikely. For me to sit and try to figure out the linguistics of Mando'a alone, look, I'm old. I got 2 kids. I'm a class mom. I have a job. I have a caffeine dependency. I have migraines. I'll leave that to the pros. I'm just over here fucking around trying to let Obi-Wan and Satine have a few orgasms and some romance before the galaxy goes to shit around them, y'know?

First fandom you wrote for? Ever?! I used to write Hanson fics when I was in middle school with an Angelcities website, and I was in a little online club called Hanson Hoes. "Do not cite the deep magic to me, witch. I was there when it was written." (Aside from that, definitely SW.)

Favorite fic you've ever written? It's gonna be Asphodel. It's my baby. I love it so much and I'm so proud of it.

Now, for who to tag.. here we go! @jelly-opal and @scottysketches! (If you've already done this, please disregard. My bad.)

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 95

Chapter 95: “Let’s Go Home”

Oliver is essentially the male-version of Emma with his view of Goldy Pond very similar to what she believed of Grace Field and the demon world itself.

We love a supportive parent, even if their kids wish for destruction. And aww the trio are so small and adorable. I’d love a story just about them and their several years spent at Goldy Pond. Hell, there needs to be more content of the GP trio in general. I’ll take literally anything.

Not to discredit Nigel and Violet, but it would be so much work for two people to watch over and guide 50+ kids, even with Lucas going with them.

Catch me crying over how sweet Oliver is. Also, that tiny flashback of Lucas being confused about Adam is cute. That kid certainly has a lot of questions surrounding him.

Y’all are just a bunch of self-sacrificial idiots and I love it. Ray could get along with them so well. I’d die to see him interact with the whole crew too.

Lucas once again being such a great dad by owning up to his mistakes (though I don’t think this one was even that bad since he was also suffering) and refusing to leave any of the children behind. I usually see people wish about how entertaining it could’ve been if Isabella met Yuugo, but Lucas is the real parent she needs to chat with. She could learn a thing or two from him.

Look how much my boy has grown! From not wanting to escape GF with the younger children simply because they were too young to understand and were bound to be a huge burden outside the wall, to now refusing to give up on anyone, no matter their age, potential, or how injured they are. Emma’s influence is so strong.

I wanna thank these kids for being so kind and ready to help out, but I also feel the need to apologize to them because aside from Theo, I remember none of their names. Wonderful additions to the family regardless!

Oh, I gotta say sorry to Adam as well because I forgot he was still around.. he’ll definitely be a big help during the long trip back.

Next on my list on content wish list is more of Ray just wearing the turtleneck. I know I should focus more on how he’s basically reciting both Norman & Emma’s words here, but c’mon, the turtleneck is such a good look! (Also, he looks super cute here.. and calm, which is surprising since he’s about to cauterize Emma’s wounds. I’d be freaking out but hey, he’s seems confident enough about it, so good on him.)

Aahh, even more memories I desperately wanted to see.

Emma’s dream continues to flourish and so quickly too, as it’s only been about two weeks since the escape. And Ray’s eyes look so pretty here wth.

Favorite panel/moment:

I can’t possibly just choose between these two moments because they’re equally as important to me as they are to the characters. Firstly, we got Ray offering his assistance to Violet & Nigel by guiding the 50+ kids along the three week route back to the shelter. This is so very important because he’s choosing other people over Emma aka his best friend/the girl he would give his very life for/the girl he promised to protect at all costs. This something he probably would’ve never done a couple months ago, but because it was Emma’s hope for everyone to survive and escape GP, of course he’s going to take charge of her wish when she’s down and out.

“He chose to escort a large group of children to safety, knowing he would be on edge for three weeks constantly worrying about Emma’s condition, instead of making the quick trip back with Yuugo because he knew how important it was to her that those kids, new members of their family, remained safe and feel what true freedom is.” - me, once again quoting myself because I’m lazy.

It isn’t like Ray’s making this decision haphazardly either. He goes the extra step to make sure Emma is well protected and given the best chance at survival, which means he’s gotta put all his trust into Yuugo (aka the dude he very much despised the previous day for allowing Emma to be snatched up by the poachers in the first place) to bring her back to the shelter in time. Also, this is the first time Yuugo calls Ray by name and I love how it parallels Yuugo using Emma’s name in ch90, as he agrees to follow each kid’s respective plans on both occasions.