#for the most part when i look at pmmm stuff in light of characters

[aparticularbandit]

so - i keep wanting to pmmm/jtv fusion and keep splitting rose and clara into two separate characters to get the following:

luisa -> madoka

rose -> homura

clara -> kyouko

but then i run into the other two characters and i hit issues:

susanna -> sayaka????

but no because sayaka makes her wish to heal a dude and susanna's a lesbian. sayaka should be het or bi or pan.

which leads to:

petra -> sayaka????

which works a little better because then you can also go the madosaya route where petra and luisa can be besties and also people ship that so that kind of works and also goes back to when petra was in love with raf so it. kind of. works. especially if you make jane the third bestie hitomi who stabs sayaka in the back by planning to confess to their mutual guy love interest but you know. POSSIBILITIES.

also you end up with the nice clara/petra parallels because you cannot tell me that there are not parallels between rose and petra's situations because there are.

but then you end up in wait clara's in love with petra???? territory which gets. i mean. you can go there. but. does anybody go there. and you also end up with petra's not a classical knight type character whose head is full of heroic ideals she wants to live up to. so. oval peg and round hole. almost????

and then we get to mami.

like seriously what do we do with mami.

the closest i can get to this is:

mami -> jane

because they're both the mom friend and also mami canonically - in spin-offs, i think - analyzes the shit out of war tactics and then applies that to witches and takes notes and writes stuff down like mami is a veritable genius and trainer and organizational amazing woman.

but then you run into mami trained kyouko and they had a huge falling out after mami saved kyouko's life and while, yes, you can fake a huge jane/clara falling out - if you want to go back that far, if you want to have that very clear clara->rose moment, which you kind of shouldn't hear because they're being used as two different characters but maybe???? - but also. as a huge kyoumami shipper. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

but like. no one else really fits for mami personality-wise. maybe petra. but petra is not warmth and hot chocolate and blankets and fireplace in the middle of winter mom friend and that's mami. (jane isn't really either but she's closer to it.)

AND IF YOU WANT FUN SHENANIGANS, you can take clara out of the picture, and do this:

petra -> kyouko

jane -> sayaka

which actually DOES work because then you get jetra like you get kyousaya (what is this ship portmanteau i don't think that's quite right) and you have jane sacrificing herself for a guy (that fits) and all heroic protagonist ideals (also fits) vs. petra who is more world weary and has done these things and also used to living in poverty and now just takes things as payment for, you know, helping to save the world (kyouko is a cynical imp and i love her????) but also is disillusioned so much she can't use her special magic anymore--

LIKE THAT ONE WORKS.

BUT THEN WHAT DO I DO WITH MAMI?????

[nemrut]

Epic 7 Collab

So, this was posted on reddit an hour ago:

Link to the reddit thread

So, obviously, we don't really know anything here. This could be real, this could be fake, this could be a fakeout by SG, this image could be a fake but the collab itself could still be real etc. There are a lot of options.

Just gonna address a few things that came to my mind there.

For one, while I can definitely make out Mami's rather distinctive silhouette what with her curly hair, I have to say, the other two are less clear. Don't get me wrong, the color coding and general shape of the models hints that if these are PMMM characters, those two are Madoka and Homura respectively.

And yeah, Madoka and Homura would also be the no-brainer options in any PMMM collaboration, being the two most important and most prominent characters of the series.

But I am open to the idea of this being a fake-out because while the second character who may or may not be Homura is a bit unclear, the one who is supposed to be Madoka doesn't really look like any of her known models so far. It is not goddess Madoka due to the lack of wings, it doesn't seem to be normal magical girl Madoka what with the lack of twin tails, and she seems to be wearing a hat, I think. So, of course, it could be the case that Madoka and the others just got different costumes or designs, but it just seems weird for the main character to get a different costume. I would assume the PMMM people would want their characters to be as recognizable as possible.

Someone in the reddit thread said that this is fake because these were models taken from Magia Record, but I looked at the character models on the wiki and I have to say, none of Homura's or Madoka's models would really fit here, so I can't really agree with that? Unless I am overlooking something, of course, that is possible. The lack of corresponding models in Magia Record, the PMMM gacha, kinda raises the possibility of it being real.

So no idea if this is real or not. Leaning more towards fake myself atm, but kinda hoping it is real. I would have much preferred Hololive but honestly, I will take PMMM over most of the other anime that were a possibility like a shitty isekei or god forbid the Walkind Dead series which I was fearing for ever since I saw that Stranger Things had a collab with that 7 deadly sins gacha game.

New Madoka movie coming out alongside this is pretty neat, although i don't know how helpful that would be to PMMM as a brand, what with epic 7 not having the largest audience to my knowledge. I like the game, don't get me wrong, even though it is still operating under the shitty gacha system with all of its shortcomings and bad practices, but as far as reaching a large audience goes, it is no Fortnite.

Happy for more PMMM stuff regardless, even though I am not super looking forward to the tumblr discussions as there seem to be a lot of people who have made complaining about PMMM a part of their personality.

Assuming it is real, Homura, Madoka and Mami could be fun. Don't really understand why Mami was picked but guess it was just who they wanted since the justification for any of the three is basically the same.

As to classes, well, there are options. Ironically, the two missing girls would the easiest to sort into the epic 7 class system. Kyokou would be a fire warrior, while Sayaka would be a water knight. Mami would almost certainly be a ranger, but not sure about the element. Guess earth would be the one left, although I don't think it necessarily fits best but better than the others?

Madoka and Homura slot neatly under Light and Dark respectively, although that would be weird with the summoning system, but maybe they could make a special case for the collab where we can summon them with normal bookmarks instead of moonlight bookmarks? As for their classes, things get tricky there. They both use ranged weapons, so I guess if Madoka fights with her bow, she could also be a ranger. Homura using guns also fits for ranger but having an all three collab units be ranger would be weird. Homura could also work as a thief, I guess, or a mage. Madoka could also easily be a soul weaver, or a mage as well, so there is a lot of leeway which is not present with the other girls.

Ability wise, Mami would probably have three active skills with Tiro Finale being her S3 finisher move which does a lot of dmg. Her S2 might be an aoe with a stun chance or CR manipulation or both. S1 would just be your usual single target attack.

Homura probably would have a single target S3, but I could see her having a passive S2 with her time-stop shenanigans. Mayhe allows her whole team to have a huge CR boost every two turns when a condition is met? Or stuns the enemies, stopping time for them or something like that.

No idea about Madoka, She could both be a dmg dealer, what with being canonically the strongest magical girl who can oneshot Walpurgisnacht but also being a kind protector of magical girls, so I could also see a self sacrificial and protective S3.

There are a lot of options and obviously, this could still be fake (is most likely a fake)

Hoping it is real, though.

[littlepurinsesu]

V Watches MagiReco - Episode 12 Review

*Spoilers for Magia Record Anime Episode 12*

I have been waiting for so long to see this chapter animated, and at long last!!! This week’s episode finally touches upon the secret truth of magical girls and reveals Yachiyo’s mysterious past!

There are, of course, some parts I wish were handled a little better, but overall, I wouldn’t say it was too shabby ^^ I have a lot to say about this episode, both the good and the meh, so let’s go~ (Tumblr, please don’t eat my post again I IMPORE YOU.)

(Oh, for clarification, I’m still using the name “Meru” instead of “Mel”, since that’s what her name was before the game was localised in English. Both are acceptable, but I guess I’m more used to this spelling xD)

I personally really liked how they began the episode with Kanae and Meru at Mikazuki Villa. The rain and dark lighting and overall silence of the scene was really well-done. It’s a nice way to “tease” their characters before properly introducing them and their roles in Yachiyo’s story. I really don’t have much else to say, but I just really, really liked that opening scene hehe

Speaking of openings, the anime continues to come up with creative ways to bring in the OP, and this week’s was another really interesting idea that I enjoyed a lot! I was just beginning to wonder if they were going to skip the OP this week because there was so much to cover, but I really liked what they came up with, so hats-off for the creativity and originality! ^^

Touka’s lecture really did seem even more lecture-like in the anime, with the lecture hall and screen and her pointer. She’s like a tiny, overly-enthusiastic professor trying to force a reluctant group of students to listen to her haha x) That being said, all the special effects were done very creatively in a way that is true to the PMMM style. It’s not only some impressive artwork, but it also prevents the lecture from becoming boring, since it’s literally just “info dumping” and a whole lot of exposition (most of it essentially being stuff that most of the audience already knows, too).

As for Touka herself, I’m really liking the anime’s portrayal of her. She’s extremely cute, but in a strange way that almost seems suspicious, and with just the right amount of “annoying-ness” that keeps her antagonistic role without making her so obnoxious that you can’t even bear to watch her. Each of her moves seems calculated in some way, and the way she leaps around and twirls her umbrella really does make her seem like a tiny fairy or pixie, and I love that contrast between her supposedly innocent image and the immoral deeds the Magius (and the Feathers) have been committing. A+ portrayal so far, and I hope they keep that up!

I was a bit confused at first when Touka addressed Kanae as “A” (since we know that in the game, “A” is Yachiyo, and Kanae is actually “C”), but I guess they weren’t planning on going ahead with the A-F naming of all 6 characters and this was just a one-off, so fair enough. However, I was a little annoyed that they showed the first secret in “lecture form” and then repeated it once more in “flashback form” once they got on the car thingy. I really felt that they could have skipped that first part and just focused on the flashbacks, because they’re essentially wasting time by telling one of the secrets twice in an episode that already has a lot to cover.

And this brings me to possibly my main issue with this episode: too fast. There was a lot of emotion in these flashbacks, and while the anime did bring them out decently, I just feel that they could have been even better if they had just managed the pacing a little more ideally. The tragedy and feels were definitely there, but it could have been even better. Another problem with this fast pacing is that we barely got to know Kanae and Meru before they met their respective downfalls, with the only clues to their individuality being Kanae’s guitar and Meru’s Tarot Cards. It tells us something, but it’s not enough. The result is that it becomes a lot harder for the audience to feel anything for these characters’ deaths, and Kanae and Meru ultimately become plot devices that serve to move Yachiyo and the others along on their journey. Granted, they were always kind of plot devices even in the game, but at least we got to know them a little better before their deaths, and this isn’t even counting their personal Magical Girl Stories.

But aside from these issues, the rest of the flashbacks were very well, in my opinion :) We as an audience may not have felt much for Kanae’s death because we barely knew her, but Yachiyo’s trembling hand as she tries in vain to purify her friend’s broken Soul Gem, the terrific voice acting, that tragic yet beautifully drawn shot of Kanae lying soulless (literally) on the ground... That was some impressive stuff that actually made me tear up.

The battle scenes also saw a huge improvement this week! Still could be better, but they’re a lot more action-packed and exciting than the quick and easy battles we’ve been seeing so far. I also really appreciate the show of teamwork between the old Team Mikazuki, not to mention that Meru’s use of magic looked absolutely amazing!!! But I would have liked it if she spoke a bit more before Witching out, and I was especially disappointed that she didn’t get to say that line about how today was her lucky day because she got to protect Yachiyo. That line says a lot about her as a character to me, and it was a shame that they only gave her an extremely shortened/simplified (and almost unfinished) version of it here. But I guess this is only because I’ve played the game and have expectations of what I want to see and what I think should be done. Maybe someone who hasn’t played the game at all wouldn’t have an issue with this minor detail haha :)

(By the way, I totally called it and guessed that they were going to release Meru’s Doppel Uncap with the debut of her Witch form in the anime mwahaha >:D Pretty good timing, though, and I like that attention to detail!)

Kyubey is a little sh*t in any and every timeline, and I did enjoy seeing Momoko yelling at him, even though obviously he gives no effs. Another nice nod to the original anime by having Kyubey using the same line about young girls and Witches, too (or maybe he’s had to defend himself so many times that he has the perfect justification memorised to use when needed? xD).

The scene with Mifuyu and Momoko was also a really nice way to show the difference in their personalities, through just the way they respond to and take in all the tragedy and shocking information. I loved the way they animated Mifuyu’s Witch/Doppel moment, and it’s always nice to see a Doppel shown in the anime! Another thing I liked was the way Touka seems to “control” the scene as she pleases, rewinding it like an actual video and pausing on particular frames. It was too easy to forget that these are scenes shown in the Memory Museum, and little details like this remind you that these aren’t just ordinary flashbacks shown in anime and movies.

Yachiyo was as cool ever in the very few (present) scenes she got. I especially loved her confrontation with Touka and how she literally just thrusts her weapon in her face haha. And the way she just ignores Touka talking and smashes open a path and just goes in there herself on foot? BADASS. I LOVE YACHIYO.

And finally, about Team Momoko... A bit funny how Momoko was the one gearing up for the Big Talk but mostly just ended up standing there for the whole thing xD But anyway, I really, really loved Rena in this scene. It’s probably the first time we’ve seen her being so honest with her feelings by hugging Kaede and straight-up telling her how worried she was. It’s these small moments that really make me love Rena so much, no matter how harsh and prickly she can be most of the time. I really liked the scene in the game where she goes to Kaede’s place to comfort her (even if they ended up slapping each other lmao), because it really did show how much Rena cares for her friends. But this anime version was quite nice too and also does some good for Rena’s characterisation, so I’ll take it :)

As for Kaede... what happened to my sweet sunshine child? I’m not liking the dead look in her eyes and how she sounds like a zombie... almost like she’s in a trance? And also... what was with that line at the end? Did Kaede join the Wings of Magius? Is she brainwashed? Would that explain her strange behaviour and way of speech? If any of this is true, then this will probably be the biggest deviation the anime has done, and I’d be both scared and interested to see how they handle it lol.

So yeah, an interesting episode that could have been super impressive if it weren’t for some of the issues I discussed, but overall, still enjoyable and decently good :) I really think the majority of the MagiReco anime’s issues comes from the pacing. Which is understandable, because they’re pressed for time and there’s a lot to squeeze in. It’s just a bit of a shame that so many important scenes and moments don’t translate as amazingly as they could have due to time constraints :(

Next week’s episode will be the final one, right? I know nothing’s been confirmed, but I’m almost certain that there’s going to be another season/cour after this. (They wouldn’t just leave it hanging like that... right? O___O) My guess is that we’ll see Tsuruno, Felicia, and Sana join the Wings of Magius, Yachiyo split up the team, and possibly Iroha going up against the Rumour herself and declaring herself the leader. These are all really important plot points, and adding to the fact that next week will be the (season) finale, hopefully we can end it with a huge BANG! Will we see Holy Mami? Will we see Sayaka? Or will we perhaps see Kuroe, rounding up the season by going full circle and bringing us back to the hanging threads left from all the way back in Episode 1?

It’s almost surreal to think that we only have one more episode left of this season!!! Let’s hope that it’ll end in the best way possible (even if that means leaving us on a cliffhanger lololol) ٩(^ᴗ^)۶

[takerfoxx]

Coming to Terms with Homura Akemi, My (Formerly) Least Favorite PMMM Character

Or, How I Learned to Stop Whinging and Love the Emo Meguca!

I have a…complicated history with my favorite anime’s main character (and yes, Homura is the main character. Madoka might be the title character and the show’s POV protagonist, but like most things in this series, that was a clever ruse, and it’s really more about Homura’s journey than Madoka’s). The first time I watched the show, I walked away feeling kind of ambivalent toward her, even mildly hostile. And that’s weird, right? I mean, just look at her! Look how her character arc plays out! She was practically grown in a lab to be my favorite! And you know what? In pretty much any other series she would have been my favorite, no doubt. She would have been a first pick Fav of the Day, the starring character in whatever fanfic I wrote about it, etc. But since the show she premiered in is anything but traditional, the way I eventually came to love each character turned out to be a little…unorthodox.

Now, I’ve gone over most of this before, so sing along if you know the words. My first time watching Puella Magi Madoka Magica went a little something like this:

Episode 1: Blue funny, Pink cute, Yellow badass, Purple mysterious.

Episode 2: Blue favorite, Pink alright, Yellow probably evil, Purple mysterious.

Episode 3: Yellow’s not evil after all, and now is the dead. My bad.

Episode 4: Pink getting all fucked up, SOMEONE SAVE BLUE!

Episode 5: Hate Red for attacking Blue. Kick her ass, Purple!

Episode 6: Still hate Red.

Episode 7: FUCK YOU, BUNNYCAT! Red’s not so bad after all. But someone save Blue!

Episode 8: Aw, hell no, Purple! You don’t threaten Blue like that! You go, Red! You’re pretty cool after…oh shit. BLUE, NO!

Episode 9: GO RED! GO PINK! SAVE BLUE! YOU CAN DO IT, I BELIEVE IN…no.

Episode 10-12: Stuff is still happening with the plot, but I no longer care. My heart has been shattered, all light has gone from the world. My babies are gone. If only they had more time together, if only there was someplace they could reunite, really get to know one another, and go on adventures together…huh.

So yeah, that’s the story of how I fully got on board the KyoSaya train. Obviously, writing Resonance Days only solidified that, and coming across A Happy Dream by angel0wonder, AKA the potato lady AKA @smxmuffinpeddling (wazzup?!?!), pretty much cemented it as my top reigning OTP.

Now, obviously I got invested in the whole story as time went by. Subsequent rewatchings of the show, mainly through convincing people to watch it blind so I can laugh at them when they get to certain scenes (don’t hate, y’all did it too!) and taking part in online discussions really got me into the show as a whole instead of just being confined in my little KyoSaya bubble. But coming to love the other characters for their own merits took some time.

Mami was next. I’ll be honest, I just didn’t care all that much for her during my first watching, mainly due to believing that she would turn out to be evil for the first couple of episodes (I blame Disney and their recent trend of turning almost every kindly mentor/confidante figure into the bad guy lately), and me being more surprised that I was wrong when she died instead of being shocked that she was killed. Again, had nothing against her, that was just my reaction the first time around. However, she was included in Resonance Days because it felt like the logical thing to do, and she turned out to be so much fun to write for that I really came to love and care for her character in general, and her relationship with Charlotte ended up becoming one of my favorite parts of that story.

Madoka honestly took more time. I think the main reason I wasn’t all that invested in her is that she was pretty passive in the series proper while my attention was more on the more proactive side characters. And again, this wasn’t a bad thing! In fact, it was a clever bit of deliberate storytelling, as it’s revealed that she originally was a proactive main-character type, only to unintentionally get relegated to her observer role by the butterfly effect caused by Homura’s time loops. But anyway, the thing that made me turn the corner on Madoka actually also ended up being fanfiction, but not one of my own. Specifically, I came across a popular, yet also somewhat controversial, fic called Persephone’s Waltz (and wazzup, @erinptah!), in which Homura decides to just stop beating around the bush and lock Madoka up in a basement until Walpurgisnacht had passed. And as weird as it sounds, making Madoka a prisoner actually gave her more agency, as the fic really went into detail about the psychological effects of being a kidnapping victim, from the strange rituals to the escape attempts to coping strategies to Stockholm Syndrome to bouts of depression and so on and so forth, all the while never deviating from her core character. It really got me rooting for Madoka and, by extension, invested in her character in canon as well.

That just left Homura.

By then, I had gotten over being a little sore at her for trying to kill Sayaka that one time, and I was interested in where her actions would take the plot. I just wasn’t interested in her, per se, as I hadn’t had an icebreaker moment like I had with the other characters.

And then The Rebellion Story happened.

The Rebellion Story: PMMM’s End of Evangelion

Puella Magi Madoka Magica is often compared its nearly two decade-old predecessor, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and not without reason. Like Evangelion, it took a genre mainly known to be fun and kid-friendly (giant mechs for Evangelion and magical girls for PMMM) and turned it on its head, resulting in a brutal and twisted deconstruction that would end up altering the direction that genre would take for years to come. The key difference is that Evangelion’s brilliance was in many ways an accident, with the bizarre places it went being largely informed both by its troubled production and its showrunner’s personal demons staying bottled up through the early part of the show but letting them loose later on, whereas PMMM was meticulously constructed from top to bottom to become the hand-grenade to the genre that it would become. But in the end, the effects were the same. They even both had a follow-up movie that was not originally supposed to happen that ended up being highly divisive among fans due to the shots they took at the fandom that had sprung up around the original series, even if The Rebellion Story wasn’t nearly as spiteful as End of Evangelion was.

Now, I’ve already gone into at length about how PMMM brutally dissects and deconstructs the Magical Girl genre, and it did it so thoroughly that the genre itself was totally wrenched in a new direction, much like Evangelion did to the Giant Mecha genre. But after you’ve completely taken apart the genre in your first season, where exactly do you go? How do you continue when your work is seemingly done?

The answer: deconstruct yourself.

Much as Puella Magi Madoka Magica went after the Magical Girl genre, The Rebellion Story went after the fandom that had sprung up in the original show’s wake. The first third of the movie gives the fans what they claimed they wanted: a traditional Magical Girl reimagining of PMMM where everyone is alive and working together, everyone is mentally and emotionally healthy, the two fan-favorite ships are just a kiss away from being canon, Kyubey is now a cute and silent mascot that helps out instead constantly manipulating everyone around him, and even the most popular witch is back as a benevolent secondary mascot in a happy friendship with the character she had killed. We see Madoka and the Moemura version of Homura being adorable together, we see Kyoko and Sayaka goofing off, we see Mami cuddling with Charlotte with nary a head-chomp in sight, we see everyone being just being friends and protecting the city from weird but essentially non-threatening monsters. It is basically the summation of a hundred fanfics that had been posted between the end of the show and the release of the movie.

But this is still PMMM, and something is not quite right.

We all know what happens next. Homura starts subconsciously noticing that something is off, she gradually becomes Terminator Homura as she investigates the situation and regains her memories, and the perfect happy world is exposed for the farce that it is. Things collapse, and the truth is revealed: Homura had become a witch that had been trapped inside her own soul gem, those close to her had been lured in to complete the illusion, and of course it is all Kyubey’s fault. Because this is PMMM, and Homura doesn’t get to be happy.

But the movie doesn’t stop with that reveal. Once we learn the truth, it changes targets. It stops deconstructing the fans, and instead goes after something else.

It starts to deconstruct Homura Akemi, its own main character.

Despite her promise to continue fighting on in Madoka’s name to protect the slightly more kind world her beloved had created, Homura had found herself unable to cope without Madoka. Her mission had failed, and without that stabilizing force, despair had slowly crept in, corrupting her from within, to the point where (I believe at least) she had been fighting not to honor Madoka, but in hopes that she would fall in battle and be carried off by her goddess. She had been fighting not in hopes of building a better world, but as a way to seek release from her pain. She had been miserable in Madoka’s new world, even moreso than she had been during her time loops.

And because she had been foolish enough to tell the truth to Kyubey, the little rat had taken the opportunity to use her to set a trap. Madoka had been pulled out of Heaven right into the Incubators’ clutches, and it was all her fault.

Is it any wonder that she had been unwilling to accept Madoka’s salvation during the climatic battle? Is it any wonder that her own labyrinth had featured her own familiars dragging her away to her own execution? Homura hated herself. She hated what she had become, she hated what she had allowed to happen, she hated that she had failed so utterly and completely.

In fact, I’d say that this movie shows something about Homura that I don’t think a lot of people will appreciate me pointing out, and that is as much as Homura was single-mindedly devoted to Madoka, she never really came to know her. I mean, how could she? She only knew Madoka over the course of a few of a few infatuated weeks the first time around, which she then repeated over and over and over again, becoming increasingly traumatized over time. I don’t doubt that her devotion to Madoka is real, but The Rebellion Story does seem to suggest that after a while she was fixated on Madoka as an ideal rather than Madoka as an actual person, something to be protected and possessed rather than as a living, breathing person with her own autonomy.

Now, am I saying that Homura is a bad person and that anyone who felt inspired by her resilience and devotion is wrong? Of course not. Am I saying that anyone that ships MadoHomu is bad, promoting toxic relationships, etc.? Hell no! What I’m saying is that due to everything she’s been forced to endure and fight again, she is a very mentally unhealthy individual, one who is in desperate need of help. And if an actual relationship between her and Madoka is going to realistically work, well, first something  drastic will have to happen to upset her new system and give Madoka her power back, but Homura is also going to need tons of therapy.

As I said before, Homura’s decision to rip Madoka out of the Law of Cycles and turn herself into Homucifer has been pretty controversial, with many people claiming that it betrayed her characterization. To those people, I would say that they never really knew the real Homura Akemi. The show set up an idealized version of Homura, and people had that ideal imprinted in their mind. And I can’t really blame them for that. The show ended on a big, optimistic moment with Homura making a big speech about how she was going to keep fighting in Madoka’s name. It’s all very stirring, and I can’t fault anyone who would feel betrayed by their Homura acting against that promise.

But as a sadistic bastard in another dark show that is now also very controversial once said, “If you think this story has a happy ending, then you clearly haven’t been paying attention.”

Homura Akemi Did Everything Wrong, and It’s Okay to Admit That

Even though The Rebellion Story got me interested in seeing where the whole Homucifer vs. Godoka thing would go, I still wasn’t all that invested in Homura as a person. I was entrenched too deep in my KyoSaya world, and everything outside of that was just so much plot. Most of my focus was on Resonance Days, which just didn’t involve her at all.

It took years, but three things finally cracked me out of that shell. The first was writing Walpurgis Nights, of course. Granted, Homulilly was more of a Moemura than Homucifer, but that story really made me dive deep into her innate insecurities, to explore her struggles with self-loathing and her reliance on Madoka for any kind of validation.

The second was watching through a few blind reactions to the series, seeing how other people reacted to her character and the things that they picked up that I had missed. One thing in particular stood out to me: during Homura and Madoka’s first meeting in episode ten, Homura is actually shocked when Madoka casually addresses her by her first name, as no one ever called her by her first name.

And the third might get me some hate, but it was through coming across this little video:

Now, like many things I’ve discussed in this post, this video has been pretty polarizing, with some people outright hating it and labeling it as slanderous character bashing. The clickbaity title certainly doesn’t help, and I can’t say I agree with all of its points. But the video really isn’t the character-bashing piece that it might seem like. Rather, it’s as much a deconstruction of a character that has been heavily idealized by the fandom, pointing out the many mistakes and, while it certainly was not her fault, how she was driven more by a personal need for validation rather than selfless love.

That’s when it all clicked for me, all the little pieces coming together.

Despite how badass she appears to be, despite how unwavering her adoration for Madoka is, Homura Akemi is someone who was broken from the beginning, who was re-broken again and again, who never seemed to make the right choice, who was never allowed to have what she wanted, who was never allowed to win, until she finally snapped and ripped apart the carefully-laid plans and systems that seemed to be set against her.

Homura Akemi did everything wrong, and that is fascinating!

Consider: when we first meet her, she is a young girl who has known nothing but neglect, who has been shuffled around by an uncaring system her entire life, who is physically weak due to a heart condition, who is terrified by any kind of attention and is genuinely perturbed just by being called by her first name.

Of all the tragic backstories in the series, hers is easily the worst. Mami and Kyoko’s characterizations are both defined by having a single horrific event in their respective pasts that took everything away from them, events that shattered their worlds and which they blamed themselves for. But at the very least they had something before the cruel hand of fate reached into their lives. Homura never had anything! Her family is so completely out of the picture to not even warrant a mention! Her heart condition leaves her constantly balanced on the precipice of death and frequently leaves her weak and in pain. She’s never had a real friend, never had anyone close, never had anything that made her feel good about being herself. So when the Arch of Victory witch ensnares her with suicidal thoughts, it doesn’t really have to try very hard.

And then Madoka came into her life. A cheerful, outgoing girl who showed her kindness, one who called her by her name and said that it was pretty. Someone who came to her during the scariest moment in Homura’s life like a guardian angel and saved her. Someone who was everything Homura had ever wanted: kind, humble, encouraging, non-judgmental, loving, powerful, protecting, and the list goes on.

Is there any wonder that Homura became infatuated with her? Not one bit.

But then something terrible happened. Madoka and Mami were faced with the horror of Walpurgisnacht, and it killed them. Finally Homura had someone in her life that made her feel good about being herself, and that person was stolen from her. She had to watch Madoka fail. She had to watch Madoka die. And she just stood by and did nothing.

And it is then that Homura made her first mistake. Kyubey being the opportunistic manipulator that he is, he took advantage of her vulnerable state in order to add another soul to his quota. And of course Homura accepted; who could blame her?

But consider this: Homura could have wished for Madoka to be resurrected. Walpurgisnacht had been defeated; it was no longer a threat! Then the two of them (or three, had Mami been brought back as well) would have been together, fighting side-by-side! I mean, it would have eventually ended in tears anyway, but Homura had no way of knowing that. As far as she knew, she was in a traditional magical girl story that just so happened to have a bad end, one that she could have fixed.

Instead, she wished to be sent back in time to redo her first meeting with Madoka, only this time as a Puella Magi. That way, she could help Madoka and Mami prepare for Walpurgisnacht! She could protect Madoka!

It wasn’t enough just to have her dearest (and only) friend back in her life. Homura wanted to switch the roles. She wanted to protect Madoka like Madoka had protected her. She wanted a reason to keep existing, a mission, a way to prove her worthiness, because she still hated herself and needed something to validate her existence.

But it wasn’t that kind of show. She didn’t have all the information. How could she have known that Kyubey was being deceptive? How could she have known of the truth about witches? How could she have known that her time-looping would make Walpurgisnacht stronger? How could she have known that each loop would alter the timestream, entangling both Sayaka and Kyoko in its web?

Still, she kept trying. She made herself stronger and stronger in hopes that she would be able to stop Walpurgisnacht in time. She tried to warn everyone about Kyubey and the witches only to be disbelieved. She watched the others die around her again and again. She watched Madoka either die or succumb to despair and become a witch herself.

And then it happened.

That all-important timeline, where everything in her changed.

The one where she and Madoka finally successfully defeated Walpurgisnacht, but lost everything else. The one where they laid side-by-side in the ruins and the rain, as their cracked soul gems grew darker and the darker. The one where Homura resigned herself to becoming a witch.

The one where Madoka sacrificed her final grief seed, Sayaka’s grief seed, in order to save Homura. The one where she made Homura promise to go back and prevent her from making a contract in the first place. And the one where Madoka died again, not in battle against a witch, but by Homura’s own hand.

Something inside Homura broke that day, something that was never repaired and never will be. It was then that Homura shed the last remnants of the frightened, insecure girl she had been and became the Terminator-esque warrior that we were first introduced to. Her missions was clear then: stop Madoka from making a contract and defeat Walpurgisnacht by any means necessary. Nothing else mattered.

But despite all her resets, despite all her preparations, despite (supposedly) finally having all the information, Homura still kept failing! No matter what she did, Madoka always made a contract and became Kriemhild Gretchen. And Walpurgisnacht just seemed to be getting stronger.

Finally, in the timeline that encompasses the show proper, Homura learned the reason why. She was doomed from the start. Her own resetting of time was only building Madoka’s karmic destiny, increasing the power of both Walpurgisnacht and Kriemhild Gretchen. The more she went back, the more the universe itself stacked the deck against her, and now it was all but impossible. And what was worse, she had done it to herself.

Just look at her in that second to last episode, when she’s lying there bloodied and broken, when she’s about to go back yet again but stops herself. Just look at her face as her soul gem darkens as literal years of despair seep out of the defenses she had built up around herself. She knew that it was hopeless, she knew that both she and Madoka were doomed, she knew that she was seconds from finally becoming a witch after all of her efforts were for naught, and it terrified her.

But then, just as all seemed lost, Madoka herself appeared to save her, but did so through the last thing Homura wanted her to do. She took all of that karmic destiny Homura had burdened her with and made a witch that shook the very foundations of reality. Witches were removed from the equation, and Puella Magi who had succumbed to despair were simply allowed to pass peacefully instead of becoming monsters. The contract system and the advancements wasn’t removed, and the girls’ wishes weren’t negated. But the cruelest aspect of it was.

And all it cost was Madoka’s existence.

Yes, Homura was saved. Yes, Madoka was spared of dying or turning into Kriemhild Gretchen. But the person that Homura had devoted her entire existence to protecting was gone, and by her own hand. Only Homura herself was left to remember her.

Can you imagine how that must have felt, to be forced to soldier on while bearing the weight of that knowledge, to know that you had ultimately failed in your mission and had to go on without the only person that had ever meant anything to you? Sure, there was that whole “always be with you in spirit” thing, but that is a poor comfort to someone like Homura. Yes, the show ends on an optimistic note, with Homura promising to fight on in Madoka’s name, but it’s often been said that the only thing that give a story a happy ending is where you end it. And while I’m sure that many fans would have loved to believe that Homura had done just that, had fought the Wraiths to the bitter end until she was welcomed into Madoka’s arms, the sad fact of the matter is that reality is rarely ever so simple.

In The Rebellion Story we learn how true that is. Without her mission, Homura was unable to keep herself together, and despair did finally overtake her. But instead of peacefully disappearing and being taken by her love, she had made the fatal mistake of confessing to Kyubey of all people the truth about the way things were.

Now, why would she do that? Why tell Kyubey about the witches and how Madoka had changed things? Did she not suspect that he might do something with that knowledge?

Personally, I think she did. Maybe not consciously, but I feel that deep down inside, she hated what the world had become, not because the Law of Cycles had removed a significant portion of the pain, but because Madoka had to erase herself in order to create it. Yes, deleting witches was a net positive, but it wasn’t the positive Homura had been fighting to achieve. Madoka had made her promise to keep her from making a wish, and Homura had to execute her right after. So I do think that she told Kyubey the truth because part of her was kind of hoping he would intervene somehow and bring Madoka back.

And he did, and he did so though screwing Homura over. Again.

Within the labyrinth contained within her own soul gem, Homura build the world she had always wanted to exist. The endless loops had been washed away, and she and Madoka were fighting together in a joyful magical girl show. She worked so hard to build a place that would make her happy, but in the end she had been unable to accept even her own gift, in part because she subconsciously knew that something was off, but also because she had conditioned to be suspicious anything that seems like it would be working in her favor.

Learning the truth broke Homura yet again. She had done this. She had been the one to admit the truth to Kyubey, and he had used that knowledge to ensnare Madoka once more. Her love was again trapped by Incubators, and it was all her fault. Is there any wonder that while everyone was fighting to rescue her from herself, she was screaming for them to stop while her own familiars executed her over and over again?

Homura’s decision to rip Madoka out of the Law of Cycles and again rewrite reality is a controversial one, and I get that. But when you put aside the cool, determined badass that she presents herself as and look at the whole of her journey then it only makes sense. She was sick of it all. Sick of being manipulated by the Incubators and their contracts, sick of having her desires denied by the Law of Cycles, sick of being held back by her own inadequacies. She was sick of losing, and that was going to end.

The movie is called The Rebellion Story, and that title couldn’t have been more accurate. Because at the end, Homura rebelled against everything: against the Incubators, against Madoka, against herself, against a world that seemed set against her from the beginning. She forcibly seized control, dominating Kyubey and his ilk, ripping Madoka from the Law of Cycles and reprogramming her to be sweet and docile, and even erasing Madoka and Sayaka’s friendship so that Sayaka wouldn’t interfere. In the end, she finally won.

And she still hated herself. Even after overcoming everything and embracing her status as the world’s new Devil, we see her own familiars throwing trash at her.

And that is the Homura I came to love. The icy, mysterious warrior that she was presented as just didn’t do anything for me. But the broken girl who seemed to have the entire world set against her, that had what little happiness she had stolen from her time and time again, that made mistake after mistake as she tried to fight against the unfairness of everything and constantly made things worse, that finally said “Fuck it” and forced the world to bend under her will but still wasn’t happy at the end it all? Well, just look at the stories I’ve written, the kinds of stories I gush about. That is a story I can sink my teeth into. That is a character worth investing in, because she is just so damned fascinating!

Now, I’m not going to say that she’s my favorite character now, but her story is the one I’m the most interested in. And when we finally get that long-awaited follow-up, I’m definitely going to be swooning over any and all KyoSaya interactions and watching what happens to Mami and Madoka with rapt attention, but the bulk of my investment will be in Homura’s story, because in a very strange way, her story feels the most human.

Now I just wonder how many people I’ve managed to piss off.

[gansbeee-archive]

I was tagged by @medjedofficial !! Rules: Answer these statements and tag 20 people

i tag: @the-dreamers-boy @for-the-life-ofme @colorcodedplant @deathdippedinroses (none of you have to do this if you don’t want to! Any of my mutuals are free to do this, just put me as the person who tagged you! <3)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water probably

2. Phone call: My mom

3. Text message: ‘HOLY SHIT’ to adam about some hamilton meta

4. Song you listened to: Probably no one else performed by philippa soo from the great comet

5. Time you cried: listening to the aforementioned song

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: never dated.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone.

8. Been cheated on: N/A

9. Lost someone special: hahaha i dont think theyre special anymore :^)

10. Been depressed: Ive been depressed for at least the past 6 years.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: never.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Green

13. Turquoise

14. Indigo

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: a few!

16. Fallen out of love: i have never been in love. At least, not in the traditional sense.

17. Laughed until you cried: just the other day. I was in a voice chat w some of my pals and my friend tobi laughed for about 5 minutes at a picture of a melted rubber ducky. Obviously i had to join.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: lmao more than once!!!

19. Met someone who changed you: i’ve changed a lot over the years, and i find it difficult to attribute that change to a single person or even a group of people.

20. Found out who your friends are: Yes. I think i finally have.

21. Kissed a mutual? Nope.

GENERAL

22. How many mutuals do you know in real life: @for-the-life-ofme (my best friend!) @the-dreamers-boy (my qpp!) @morriha (a good old pal) @medjedofficial (a new pal!) @colorcodedplant (another new pal!!!)

23. Do you have any pets: yep! Two cats: luke, a fat tabby, and ruby, a beautiful and sweet tortoiseshell calico

24. Do you want to change your name: I haven’t really thought about it yet.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i think i had a party at a pizza place and then had a sleepover after? It was kinda small

26. What time did you wake up: this morning i woke up at 8:30 b/c of aikido practice

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was sleepy peepy

28. Name something you can’t wait to get: i’m not really looking forward to anything short term. But long term- an apartment w my qpp @the-dreamers-boy , a drawing tablet, and top surgery/testosterone

29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: sometime last night

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: besides the obvious (gender and money), i want a drive. I want something to look forward to, something to research, something to fall in love with.

31. What are you listening to right now: as i type this, i’m in the car and giving up the gun by vampire weekend is playing. If i could pick, i would probably be listening to the great comet rn

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: um? That is likely, yes.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: not feelin this whole societal concept of gender

34. Most visited website: youtube and tungle.hell

35. Mole/s: they are. Everwhere. Most noticeably my face, arms, back, and legs- however they are on p much all my body parts.

36. Mark/s: faint thin scars on my hip, old scabs on my knees and elbows, a small crescent shaped scar on my knee. Also a surgery scar on my right wrist.

37. Childhood dream: I think i wanted to be a vet or a nurse. Jokes on you, past self, i can barely take care of my own health let alone other people’s

38. Hair color: light brown. Lowkey copper highlights? Blonde parts from previous dyeing

39. Long or short hair: reeeally long. Like, to my mid-back.

40. Do you have a crush on someone?: besides celebrities and unattainable characters? No one.

41. What do you like about yourself: ???

42. Piercings: I have pierced ears that have long since closed and that’s it

43. Blood type: i have no clue

44. Nicknames: gansey or kat

45. Relationship status: no romantic partner. I dunno if my qpp @the-dreamers-boy counts?

46. Zodiac: virgo sun and scorpio moon

47. Pronouns: they/them.

48. Favorite TV show(s): fma, pmmm, vld, probably other various anime i cant think of rn

49. Tattoos: none right now

50. Right or left hand: i’m right handed

51. Surgery: i had a gross abscess on my right wrist (probably from writing too much). In the future i’ll want top surgery and i might need hip surgery

52. Hair dyed a different color: as an experiment i dyed some strands magenta. They washed out to pink, and i kind of hated it, so i let it fade out.

53. Sports: I don’t play any.

54. Vacation: i’ve gone to niagara falls, canada, and various places out west in the states. I’d really like to go to spain, japan, and Mexico someday.

55. Shoes: for depression and summer’s sake, I’m often wearing either slippers, just socks, or flip-flops. When i have to go outside, i have a few pairs of converse, sneakers, and boots that get me by

56. Eating: i’m going to get food after i finish this, but the last thing i ate was ice cream last night (FUTURE ME REGRETS THIS BC IVE HAD TO FORMAT THIS THREE DAMN TIMES)

57. Drinking: i may end up drinking because it’s really big in my family, but i refuse to do it often.

58. I’m about to: get some fuckin food after 50 minutes of editing this format!!! Tumblr mobile doesn’t have an html editor :^)

59. Waiting for: marching band camp

60. Want: perhaps a love interest at some point? I mean i already mentioned other stuff (apartment, tablet, top surgery)

61. Get married: not sure. I think if i loved someone enough, i’d consider it.

62. Career: i don’t know. I want to do so many things. I think i will become either an architect or computer programmer, with my art on the side. Ideally, i’d want to be an editor, museum curator, physicist, or even an animator.

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: hugs for me

64. Lips or eyes: Both are good

65. Shorter or taller: i’m in the middle (5'6"), but my qpp still loves to tease me abt it

66. Older or younger: um? Dating wise, in high school my partner shouldn’t be more than about a year older or younger b/c puberty is different every year. When i’m older i may have different standards. Friend wise? Ironically, i’m the youngest most of the time, yet i’m the wisest.

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: i’m kinda a tummy person, but both are good

68. Sensitive or loud: im more sensitive. I can be loud when i’m comfortable around people, yet often I’m embarrassed after my outbursts.

69. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

70. Troublemaker or hesitant: I’m usually the voice of reason here.

HAVE YOU EVER:

71. Kissed a stranger: never.

72. Drank hard liquor: No.

73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I haven’t lost my glasses yet, but I wouldn’t be too surprised if i did. I’m a mess.

74. Turned someone down: i was asked out by two different straight dudes in middle school. I turned them both down

75. Sex on first date: i’m ace, so?

76. Broken someone’s heart: i’m unsure if i have or not

77. Had your heart broken: yes.

78. Been arrested: No

79. Cried when someone died: yes

80. Fallen for a friend: years ago, i thought i did.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: depends

82. Miracles: I believe they can happen but are very rare

83. Love at first sight: I don’t think love works that way, but who am i to tell others they’re wrong?

84. Santa claus: unfortunately no

85. Kiss on the first date: i’m not ready for that

OTHER:

86. Current best friend: jane!! (Her name’s actually sophia) @for-the-life-ofme

87. Eye color: light blue

88. Favorite movie: howl’s moving castle, coraline, kubo and the two strings