#for the love of god if you know me irl do not look at me
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In regards to the next fic I’m working on… Here are some notes on my interpretation of the plantussy. Featuring a lot of biology, flower talk, and… uh. slugs. 🤞🤞🤞
Very Nsfw below the cut.
(Note: I am not an artist)
For the base structure, I obviously took most of my inspiration from flowers. The Plants (in stampede, at least) have very floral elements, and my personal headcanon is that they have some analogous structures—products of convergent evolution to incredibly different circumstances. (Though don’t get me started on my headcanons vis a vis the genetic engineering that went into Vash and Knives being so human-looking, at least on the outside.) If the (capital P) Plants are (lowercase p) plant-like, they could certainly have analogous reproductive structures. Five petal-like labia that lie mostly flat against the skin ‘bloom’ when aroused due to increased blood flow—filling with fluid and expanding due to turgor pressure. (Main inspiration for the petals: cherry blossom flowers, though something… fleshier than I’m able to draw 🤣) The reproductive structures are contained within, shielded by the petals unless sufficiently aroused. Within the outer layer of petals is an inner layer, which also lies flat until aroused, at which point they twist together to form something analogous to a penis. The way the petals twist together leaves distinct grooves spiraling along its length, which conduct fluid that comes from the interior of the dick—though the internal structure below it that would be analogous to a vagina also produces fluid, which is slightly thicker and stickier than a human’s would be. (There is a LOT of fluid.) (Note: the petals that make up the dick can be separated even if aroused, but the interior is incredibly sensitive, and Vash is prone to overstimulation even if he isn’t touched there.) (Main inspiration: morning glory bud, also the Aelit dildo by Strange Bedfellas.)
There are two smaller interior petals that don’t make up the dick, and instead act as labia around the vagina-analogue. (Main inspiration: orchid.) Surrounding the dick, there are several independently-mobile tendril-like structures ending in small bulbs; these serve as hormonal transfer sites—detail below. The center of the ‘flower’ is a dark pink, which lightens to flesh tone at the edges of the petals, though the interior petals are fully dark pink. Maybe with a bit of blue bioluminescence. (They made the man glow in Stampede; what do they expect me to do? NOT make his dick glow too??)
Alright! Now we’re going to talk about invertebrate reproduction! (You come to the invertebrate biologist and don’t expect to get a little bit of a lecture?)
Firstly: Rotifers. Most Rotifers belong to Class Monogononta, and Monogonant Rotifers have a unique reproductive pattern.
Typically, they reproduce asexually, via parthenogenesis, making, by definition, only diploid females. However, when conditions are right (the chemical cues seem to come from crowding, when a population of monogonants gets too high, but it occurs relatively rarely) the usually amicitic (‘not mixing,’ referring to the production of eggs without the mixing in of other genetic material) females will lay eggs that become micitic females. These micitic females produce eggs via meiosis, not mitosis as in parthenogenesis. These eggs are, by definition, haploid. In the absence of fertilization, these eggs develop into males, which are able to fertilize other haploid eggs, creating a new diploid generation which continues to reproduce via parthenogenesis once again. This haplodiploid sex determination system also occurs in many insects, but no other organisms seem to exhibit this pattern of many amicitic generations followed by one micitic generation. This is my headcanon for the way Plants reproduce. It doesn’t have anything to do with how his junk looks but I wanted to talk about it.
Secondly: Terrestrial Gastropods. If you know anything about slug sex, you know it gets pretty fuckin wild. As a self-proclaimed monster dong connoisseur, I would be remiss to not take ideas from them; namely, in this case, love darts. Now, in actual gastropods, love darts are sharp, calcareous or chitinous spines produced by the snail that are coated in mucus that contains an allomone, a pheromone-like compound, that increases the likelihood of successful fertilization. They’re essentially shot into the body of the snail’s mate. Taking the basic idea, though, I’ve mixed that with flower reproductive anatomy to arrive at… uh, I mean. I really need to find a better term but. Love tendrils? Love… stamens? I’ll workshop it. REGARDLESS. They’re essentially independently-moving tendrils with a glandular bud at the end, the purpose of which are to secrete hormones that aid in copulation—essentially oxytocin and dopamine, which then can be absorbed through the skin, giving his partner a… boost.
And that’s my inspiration for Vash’s pussy!! 🤞🤞🤞
#for the love of god if you know me irl do not look at me#I’m unhinged I feel so unhinged about him#tumblr pls don’t nerf me for plantussy on main#i… do not want to put this in the tags but I do need it to be filterable I’m so sorry#vash the stampede#Trigun#I said I’d wax poetic about it and wax poetic I SHALL
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Kaka compilation
Because everyone is sleeping on him. Witness his greatness!! First two Kaka colored icons were colored by me, lineart by Ryoko Kui though!
Kaka & Kiki are kinda like Laios & Falin… Kaka being stoic and giving repressed energy like early Laios, Kiki being cryptic and always smiling and kinda soft-looking. Autism siblings 2, ostracized and othered as kids and have a deep bond due to sticking together through it all, though unlike with Laios their parents are very loving so Kaka developed family as a big value more than Laios (bc asides for Falin Laios doesn’t care much about it).
In the gnome festival comic you can see Kaka is more emotive than he seems! Full with a :3 face, and he’s the one crying at the end. He’s insecure about his legs and being tall… It really got to him. Conceal don’t feel. In the gnome festival comic you also see him sensing others’ gaze on him and that something is off unlike Kiki, again Laios-like in the way that judgement from others gets to him more than her.
#The twins are so autistic swag#A falin just as chilled out and smiling and a laios who never stopped repressing#They’re so neurodivergent and they’re allowed to just exist I love you Kui. Kaka is just literally me#I looove characters that are hard to know and hard to read/easily misunderstood. They’re my favorite thing#LOOK AT THE WAY HE SMILES THE WAY HE BLUSHESSS HE’S PERFECT and I would take a harpoon to the chest for him thank u#I do love Kiki too btw but I’ve been seeing her in fancontent and posts way more than Kaka so I had to give him some spotlight#But also Laios is my fave of the Toudens so this very much checks out#Their pre-Flokes story would be interesting to analyze too#Dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kaka floke#Kaka#Kiki and kaka#floke twins#As you may guess from my new-ish icon I am in my kaka era#ALSO I SWEAR TO GOD STOP BEING MEAN ABOUT HIS NAME#KA IS A SYLLABLE IN MY IRL NAME. YES I WAS BULLIED AND CALLED KAKA AS A KID. MY NAME ALSO MEANS UGLY STUFF IN A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE#KAKA’S A PRETTY NAME I’LL DIE ON THIS HILL. IT’S NOT WEIRD IF YOU DON’T MAKE IT WEIRD#Oh also another laios falin parallel: they both sort-of-date the same woman
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Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.
If you can’t read what Akechi’s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, here’s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- there’s a new flavor.
I don’t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! You’re so sweet.
I hope I choke. They’re lovely, thank you.
Like hell. Likewise. There’s no way it’s just a coincidence. Still though, it’s a funny coincidence.
#p5#akeshu#akechi goro#kurusu akira#wow- me?? posting a valentines comic... actually on?? valentines????? wack. absolutely wack#it's a short one! I purposefully tried to keep it short. it was a challenge and it still ended up being 3 pages. but i blame my canvas size#also in case u can't see what akira is holding out to akechi: theyre chocolate covered strawberries on sticks!#i saw them irl and was like oh god i want those. i am going to project that feeling on my favorite characters so help me god#and now! here we are! but my shitty-ass coloring & line quality make it hard to discern them so. sorry about that lmaooooo#ANYWAY i don't do enough post-maruki stuff so. i made this one a little bittersweet. :)#why did i put akechi's scarf in a bow? honestly i dont know! i think i saw some art a while ago that did that too and i thought it was cute#well. plus i guess there's the symbolism of 'akechi being alive and reciprocating your feelings (however involuntarily) IS a gift' part#hence that hes wrapped up in a bow. like a present. :)#also god. the first panel is supposed to be akechi's reflection in a vending machine window. I could NOT get it to look right#so for reference!!! just so you guys understand!!!!!! thats what that panel is supposed to be!!! he is NOT in fact a ghost. (sigh)#hope you enjoyed and had a lovely valentines!! for my part i have eaten nothing but sweets today and hoo boy will that have been a mistake#ALSO in terms of the audience-participation comic...hopefully coming soon. if i can ever gain the will to draw it.#but at least tumblr has polls now so i can do the audience-choose-y bit without needing to use a separate website! so thats good i guess#anyway anyway anway thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far! have a lovely rest of your day and hopefully see u again soon
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i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.
what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.
in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?
obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)
#and this isnt getting into how trans mothwing outside of mothpool is a really good way to read her character#sorry. remembered the shit bonefall got despite being trans as well and got annoyed#that especially annoys me bc hes got plenty of surrogacies but the second hed touch a trans pregnancy#‘’no you cant do that!!! you freak!!! obviously you only see trans people as a loophole for gays to have babies!!!’’#also my gf and i were talking and obviously take this with a grain of salt bc this is our experience#but…. i think a lot of the ppl saying this……. havent really talked to trans women?#dude some of the ones i know LOVE the idea of getting people pregnant#did you know trans women have sex? did you know trans people in general have sex?? did you know trans people irl wanna start families?#did you know that? did you? or do you black out at the idea of a trans woman being anything but strictly pure and nonsexual#and OBVIOUSLY this is not every trans woman. some do have dysphoria around the idea#but im genuinely starting to wonder how these people act around irl transgender parents#whether they had kids before or after coming out#bc ngl. the attitude that thinking about this makes you a transphobic pervert?#directed at trans people making content for themselves?#im starting to think you all just dont want us to reproduce. if we reproduce we arent ‘’good’’ trans people#because a ‘’real’’ man wouldnt carry a child. a ‘’real’’ woman would carry the child. and god forbid the gays even THINK about reproducing#and being around children!#if we have children then we’re doing things that might make cishets look at us and declare we’re not perfect#we’ve proved we’re not just identical to cis ppl!! (and therefore deserving of respect!)#idk. i think this was mostly a case of tumblr going ‘’oh someone said no to this so lets push this to an unhealthy extreme!!’’#and i cant help but notice nobody really brings up nonbinary parents at all in this discussion#not that we have it ‘’better’’ or anything for that but yknow. are we supposed to swear it off?#is the idea of us having kids inconcievable? or worse…. does it mean we ‘’picked a side?’’#so its not even worth getting mad at a pregnant nb person bc ‘’well thats a woman so who cares’’b#HMMMMM.#ohhhh i bet they also get mad if you make transfem pregnancy possible too. no winning#idk really think about it when you go ‘’you can NEVER EVER portray a trans person starting a family. bc REAL trans people would never.’’#ohhh you probably get mad when trans ppl dont get surgery for one reason or another dontcha#whether we want to or its not in the cards for us for whatever reason like cost and such#(while also getting mad if we do bc we cannot win in this no matter what)
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on some level I understand that welcome to hell is probably a little harder to sell than hazbin given the *gestures vaguely* entire main plotline of w2h THAT SAID im going to be mad about it forever. because one of them is actually funny and has good character design and compelling dynamics and a good plot and its not the one about the freaking hotel.
#literally hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby like nothing vivziepop ever writes will be as good as your first demonic possession#everyone who knows me irl is going to look away now because I need to be really mean about hazbin for a second#and I feel bad doing that because I know my wonderful friends like it. but its my god given right to be a hater on my Tumblr blog.#LIKE ive seen some of hazbin and helluva. theyre mid theyre so mid.#the plots are not compelling the characters have no intriguing chemistry#theyre throwing so much at you both character and storyline wise and its impossible to keep track of anything. theres no time to care about#anyone or any of their stories!!!#and they both rely so much on swear words/sex jokes for their writing and like. its just too much it stops being funny.#anyone who knows me knows I love a good swear or a good sex joke but dude theyre just so constant that they dont work#and it also cheapens the parts that actually try to get serious you know? the tonal whiplash just makes it hard to take anything seriously#like I honestly think if they took hazbin a little more seriously it could actually be good. like I get the oooo swears for adults aspect#but truly if they just bothered to write a good plot instead of forcing a million fuck jokes into it then it could work. but they didn't.#sad!!!!#okay im nice now. when my beautiful friends bring up hazbin I will bite my tongue and not even say anything a little mean#even though its bad and sucks. I will focus on the parts of it that could have worked. so that I can engage with their interests kindly#because all their other interests rule so hard. its just hazbin that I can't stand.
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i just came out to a real life person and i think im having a heart attack
#IT WAS SO UNPLANNED I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT AT ALL I DIDN'T EVWN THINK WE WERW FRIENDS??#she lives in the building next to mine and we go to tui together to divide the auto fare and we've been walking home 2-3 dino se#and she likes kpop and kdramas#but like there isn't that Spark yk like oh ny god i love u best friends forever its a little awkward and formal still#but we were talking about something and oh my god#when we reached home we were standing uski building ke neeche and she was like i want to introduce you to my childhood bestie i think you#two will like each other#and i was like kinda weirded out like um are we that close yet i thought we were just classmates 😭😭#so i asked ki oh why all of a sudden#and she's like 'i like you' and i look at her and laugh and she said STOP LAUGHING i don't meant it like that im straight ok#and idk something in me snapped i was like oh are u homophobic too?#but pls she didn't know what it meant 😭 so i explained ki do u hate gay people then#she said no no ofc not SO I JUST BLURTED OUT KI good cause im bisexual#THE SHOCK ON HER FACE OMG im saying this now in freaking out now but at that time i said it really coolly and proudly without fumbling#my voice didn't drop down to a low volume or waver or anything (which im so proud bc she's like the first irl person ive come out to face#to face??????? i mean obv childhood friends don't count they're all gay#but anyway she was like OH and then SHE FUMBLED she was like oh nice i respect u very much and it was so awkward i was like haan haan shut#up just don't tell anyone very few ppl know 😭and she wasn't done she was like so as i was saying#we're growing old and real good friendships are getting harder to find and i like you (stop laughing!!) and i hope we don't jinx it#and she literally touched a wooden table lying there and said touchwood???? 😭😭😭😭😭#now i am thinking why did i tell her she's so extroverted she talks to everyone we go to the same tui this town is tiny#she could tell everyone my parents could find out#but also a part of me is relieved cause im so sick of hiding something that is such a small yet imp part of me#and if she tells everyone then cool maybe there'll be more queer people i can't ve the only queer person in this town and we could be#friends and my parents eh they'd never believe something like that they'll ask me if it's true and ill say nah just rumors dumb kids#and they'll believe me because they'll want to believe me so bad#so no harm#i still don't feel very bestfriendy with her but maybe my standards are too high 😭 idk ig i can't see myself being friends with her#for a long time if we weren't forced by circumstances and i don't like her that much but im happy i got to say it#literally said it omg 'kyunki main hu. bisexual' FUCK THAT FELT GOOD
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and they’re boyfriends
#oppenheimer#lawrenheimer#i just made that name up 💅 let’s get this ship sailing#IDK how to explain it but the CHEMISTRY they had#it was unbearable i felt like i was choking on air when they were close to each other#so good. literal art#wait sit down let me convince you to ship them!!#personally i shipped them from the first moment but the scene that is really precious for me is that one#when Izzy and Oppenheimer are sitting in the hallway and you see Lawrence walk in and then immediately leave when he sees them#cause like. you KNOW he came there to give a NEGATIVE ass review but then he saw Oppenheimer sitting there looking all defeated#and he just couldn’t do it#and i especially think of that scene in contrast to the discussion on Kitty’s testimony#since both of these scenes occur in the hallway some fake-deep analysis is necessary#it’s like 🤌🤌 Lawrence protected Oppenheimer with his silence the way Kitty protected him with her testimony#sort of a way to hold onto his morals while letting Oppenheimer go just out of sentimentalism#(my bad theory is that Lawrence was HURT by the knowledge of the affair w Ruth because it meant he wasn’t the only one 🤫)#(GOD i can just picture their relationship it would be so MESSY)#(Lawrence hopelessly in love. Oppenheimer being well aware and just using him for his body. Lawrence who can never refuse him anything.)#(wait did this turn into a foil for the relationship with Jean???? but with the roles reversed??????)#also?? irl Lawrence DID testify against Oppenheimer and ripped him to shreds (😭) so like. we know what movie!Lawrence protected him from#ohh and what i also find really interesting is the parallels with Kitty since off the top of my head there’s 2 more#the fact that Oppenheimer takes Lawrence to New Mexico as he did with Kitty later#and the fact that Lawrence encourages Oppenheimer to be ambitious and take the opportunity w the project#(and iirc it’s his words that finally convince Oppenheimer?)#anyway that was my dissertation on why you should ship them; if you aren’t convinced then i hope i’ve at least made you mad 😴
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.
#look obviously this is not my fucking moment hence why this is an in the tags post#but. man.#'my heart hurts' is a phrase that was thrown around a lot by the adults in my life when I was growing up#& a lot of the time it was in reference to some real bullshit so I never really thought about it except to roll my eyes#but god my heart hurts#it makes me feel like a little kid wondering why it has to be so hard to help people#to know the names and faces and stories of so many people suffering & to be able to do so little to help#one person mentioned their grandfather was martyred & it hit me like a brick#my grandfather is so important to me & I know he'll die one day & probably relatively soon#but to imagine losing him to violence??? to hate????? it makes me fucking sick#I just can't understand it I can't make sense of it#feels like watching an older kid kill a baby bird for no reason except on a scale of tens of thousands#they're just people. just human fucking beings. familes & friends & communities & there is no fucking difference between us & them#like I know it sounds all john lennon or whatever but genuinely there is no meaningful difference between me & a 25y/o palestinian woman#I could know her. I could love her. people do know & love her.#the people of gaza don't deserve this. they didn't do anything to deserve this. no one *could* deserve this.#I’m so filled with grief and rage and I couldn't be further removed from the actual horror of it all#again. this is not my moment & I know that. but it hurts so badly I just needed to get it out.#please help if you can. donate to fundraisers if you can. promote them if you can't. stand up for palestine irl.
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I’m saying this only out a vague of a irl even though I feel bad for this but someone please tell me there isn’t a collective of people who haven’t seen a lot of mecha yet played super robot wars and act like because they played that game they have authority to talk over mecha shows they know exist thanks to it despite still not watching them and ignoring the fact SRW butchers plot sometimes-
Because as much as I hate gatekeeping in mecha circles and hardly dabbled into SRW this basically happened to me irl with a person I already don’t like and I’m just like:
#meg text#super robot wars#ryoma nagare#There is nothing wrong with only caring about SRW for one unit because that’s fucking me lmao#Or also just knowing you won’t watch every show featured in the game because it simply doesn’t look interesting#but for the love of god please don’t act like playing this game means you know the show 1 to 1 bc SRW changes shit A LOT#Even putting aside this happening with getter I wouldn’t want someone to do this with a show I also don’t know#but I wont lie I am petty at this irl because getter IS what they know through SRW 💀#me when I find a mecha fan on my campus but it’s a real robot fan: fuck me#doesn’t even seem engaged when I try to talk about it if they aren’t gonna watch this is so sad Alexa play No serenity#though I only felt inclined to make this post over mazinger funnily enough#Mfw bro brings up mazinkaiser being formed from SRW because I mentioned how weird SKL is even though mazinkaiser got it’s own anime#I need this person to leave my head because I just vague them these entire tags and I’m not gonna remove these LMAO
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As much as I'm obsessed w Astarion I really do think I would choose Gale irl
#i think alot if not most of my obsession w astarion has more to do with my relating to him and his trauma#if he can be loved then so can i#idk its just comforting#gale is just#something else though#i love a huge fucking wordy ass nerd#also hes... actually hotter too imo#the way he looks at you too god damn#also i know id rather someone see me outside of sex#but that doesnt mean i dont want it#and man#he just gives me secretly insane dom vibes idek#all of the best actual real Doms ive known or been with are absolutely pathetic irl#you would never guess#maybe thats just projecting though#i think astarion would be a better brat tamer though#if he wanted to#of course
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Vent
#im so relieved that the only way you get to percieve me is through curated pictures and videos. that youll never see me in my bad days#or in my ugly clothes#or with horrible skin waking up with a hangover#youll never see my truly bad side#and im happy for that#your empty sweet promises lets me be the prettiest version of myself to you even if im not much to write home about compared to your friends#im perfectly fine with you never learning of my bad habits#never knowing how despicable i look when i cry or how pathetic i am about horror#not knowing how my body looks without posing#not knowing how i snore or how i am messy or how i dissociate staring into space#im happy you never get to see the truly ugly parts of me#even if youve already experienced me breaking down or being extremely attached over text#youll never have to handle that irl#thank god#i love you#your fake affection lets me pretend im better than i am#your many fake promises will never come true and thus you will never be disgusted by me#you wont have the chance to see me as anything but an annoying but averagely pretty person on the internet. im scared of meeting you.#and if you for some odd reason ever end up meeting me. i think it would hurt even more because once you leave youll never come back.#id never see you again. youd be out doing something else experiencing new exciting adventures meeting new gorgeous people#and giving empty promises to other love struck idiots like me. and theyll fall for you just as much. and theyll realise how youll never stay#youre never going to change#youre never going to belong to anyone. to anywhere. youll be a free person that destroys the hearts of us bystanders that you seduce#how am i ever to love someone else when you're this great. who would ever compare. who would even begin to be on your level.#i know youre so out of my league it catches me off guard every time you give me attention.#even if the only attention you give me is sexual.#it always leads to it being sexual.#i guess thats what im being kept around for#i wonder what you feel when you think of me. if you ever tell others about me. if you ever think of me. if i matter#but i know you dont feel anything. i know. im just another friend.
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You want to know how bad my memory is?
I was writing last night and I just straight up forgot that Sanji exists. I have been watching this show since 2012, he was my fave Strawhat outside of Luffy pre-TS, and I FORGOT HE EXISTED.
I was like 'hm yes well the ones who would understand are Nami and Robin... W- wasn't there one more I was thinking of a moment ago? Wasn't there another one who'd Get It?????'
'it's not Chopper. Definitely not Usopp. And it's not Zoro. That's all the remaining Strawhats at this point in the story. So... Why am I convinced I'm forgetting someone? Let's go through the arcs in my head agai- OH MY GOD, I FORGOT SANJI'
#When I tell you my memory is shit... 😭 I used to own a Sanji shirt. What the fuck??#When that post about the memory issues finally leaves my queue#Like I joke about it but this shit can be genuinely terrifying. Like knowing my brain is getting worse. Knowing I'm probably forgetting#Seriously important things and just 'oops I can't remember haha'#It's scary.#I'll never get better because I'll just relive the pain over and over because my brain refuses to remember the help and progress I make#Every day I wake up back at step 1 it's so depressing and scary and horrifying and I hate it#I can never process anything bc I just forget and if I do remember it's like a punch to the chest for the first time every time#And people get SO sick of you after a while. Constantly asking for help. Never remembering anything. They get so annoyed with you.#Anyway. On a lighter note (not actually) I'm trying out a new one-shot :)#Not to speak ill of the 'soon-to-be' dead but Garp was a shit grandfather#So I was like What If Me And Luffy Had The Same Reaction#Because self love starts in recognizing your self through the other god damn it#Even if I finish this idk if I'll post it bc of how personal it is but it has been very cathartic to write#Then again I could just publish it anonymously so my irl friends won't see it. No harm no foul.#I (kid) once pushed my mom (grown adult) out of my room when she caused me to have a meltdown so I could 100% see Luffy doing the same thin#In my defense she had a habit of taunting me and destroying my stuff to punish me after inciting meltdowns and I just wanted to be alone#I was like 7 years old at the time (hell year hell year) so I doubt I actually hurt her. She just looked surprised. I remember that.#Sometimes I wonder why I identify so much with werewolves and then I remember ah yes. The childhood of being treated like a monster.#Like a freak because when people kept pushing your boundaries you'd rather bite than let them do whatever they want to you#Oh boo hoo such a terrible thing for a child to be... Protective of themselves...#ANYWAY. like I said this wasn't going to be much lighter.#I want Luffy to punch the lights out of Garp to protect his friends. Not even in-canon just in this fic#Ik in-canon Garp is a complex guy and loads of fans love him but... Smash eggs make sandwiches know what I'm saying?#Yeah GROOVY
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Roadie (1980)
#roadie 1980#meat loaf#couldnt find these pics on here so i gotta post them myself#U Will Look At Meat#this movie is trashy but fun#if you think ive been posting a lot of meat loaf be glad u dont know me irl#i cant choose the special interest and by god i wish it was something normal but#hey at least its better than when ill i wanted to donwas watch megamind#also: meat loaf is so fucking hot in this movie#always has his shirt unbuttoned. tight jeans. goddamn#and the long 70s hair??#im sorry im so sorry i cant help that ive fallen deeply in love w meat loaf all i can do is post about it#oh also blondie and alice cooper and hank williams jr are in it#along w other famous ppl
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#just feeling a lot of things and I don’t like them bc they’re kinda ugly#I know this yearning and gaping hole in my chest is ultimately supposed to be filled with God#at least in the sense that I’m not driven to envy over others being loved more than me#but I def have not been good with prayer lately. at all :/#I’m feeling discouraged in many ways too. I want to try to do more hobbies but the learning curve is so steep when i look at them#and I already have almost no motivation anyway so that discourages me even more#I wish I WANTED to do stuff#I wish I had plans and goals in my life bc as I get older it’s more embarrassing when i talk with ppl#had a preliminary meeting with a guy who does financial advising and that kind feel flat bc like#I have no goals I’m working towards#and also I don’t even know how to describe myself and what I like and all#I caved and thought maybe I’ll make a Catholic match profile bc maybe God wants me to be more proactive#even if I don’t think I would ever be able to do anything like online dating at all#bc I can’t even do regular dating irl#I want to have known the person for a long time first#but anyway that’s ANOTHER whole thing#so anyway I stopped making my account when I had to describe myself for the profile and I just drew a blank#like sorry I don’t do or like anything :/#I mean it’s not true but it also kinda is?#but yeah now I get all sorts of emails from catholic match and I can’t unsubscribe bc you have to sign in to unsubscribe#and I technically don’t have an account yet -_- bc I didn’t finish… so stupid#maybe I should go back to therapy….#but I really was feeling like I had hit a plateau. like really it was stuff in my life that needed to change#or spiritual healing and growth#and there was only so much that talking could do by that point after I had done a good amount of growing in self knowledge#not like it ever ends really but also I had to wake up early to have them before work#and also it’s money so yeah I stopped :/#so IDK#idk what to do#either in my life or for my mental/emotional state
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enough about taylor swift already. reblog and tag the smallest, least known artist you listen to
#The Ellie Badge#find them on bandcamp#he's the husband of my old roommate's best friend from college which is how I found the band#and it became one of my all time favorites#sort of garage band emo rock. very raw lyrics that I just love#I love the sound I love his style of writing I love everything about them they are Not well known. listen to the Ellie Badge#they have songs on youtube but the algorithm has to be shaken and yelled at extensively to get it to show them to you bc small band#that shares a name with disney song#excellent writing about grief. see: Only One (everywhere I go I feel my dead parent watching me from heaven and the guilt is killing me)#Hospital Song (your death made me a better person in the end but I'd rather be a total piece of shit and still have you alive)#Looking For You (our pets are waiting for you to come home and I can't explain to them that you're gone) (this was the first song I heard)#Heat Death (you're dead our hometown is dead everyone I know is moving away. the restaurants are shutting down. everything is ending)#This artist is the most lovely vibrant and wonderful and positive person to be around irl!! He puts all the angst in his music I guess!!!!#love him#other favorites: Godspeed Little Brothers#Bones (incredible breakup song for God)#Blood (goes with Bones. “I know that I've been everything from skin and bones to gasoline but nothing ever mattered like this did”)#811#The Shakes (has made me cry)#IS THIS THE WAY IT'S ALWAYS BEEN IS THERE NO PRAYER OR MEDICINE THAT CAN SPLIT THIS MOBIUS STRIP TEAR APART ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT#CAUSE EVERY DAY THE RICH GET RICHER WHILE WE KILL OURSELVES ON BLOOD AND LIQUOR#Everything I do I do it for you gonna leave you in a world where the oceans are blue#ok starting to cry I think that's enough song recs
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Alexa how to talk to someone without feeling like a burden
#Anyone I know irl better not be seeing this lmao#I’m sorry ilysm but the fact that I see yous outside of school 3~ times a year makes me feel so fucking isolated#I mean yeah these are problems I could just solve but I always feel like you’re seeing me out of pity#Like I’m just getting dragged about#Why can’t we can’t just go to a play park late at night and just goof about why do I feel so shit all the time#Again sorry if yous are seeing this it ain’t yous you’re lovely it’s a me problem#^^^ also I do know some banging play parks#Only child core makes you know so many lmao#There’s this absolutely banging one right behind my house#And it’s next to the remnants of a shop that was knocked down that used to look like a drug dealers#God why can’t I be 6 again
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