#for starters what the fuck was season 2

[crowsandmurder]

Clay Morrow Tags and Verses

Clay  ✖ (Aesthetics)

Clay  ✖ (Thoughts)

Clay ✖ (Character Development)

Clay  ✖ (Crack)

Clay ✖ (Headcanons)

Clay  ✖ (Photos)

Clay  ✖ (Starter Call)

BIOGRAPHY

Clay Morrow was born in Sacramento in 1949 to Clarence and Kathleen Morrow. His parents had not been expecting to have a child, but his mother had been thrilled. She tried to provide him with a loving home, whereas his father was a World War II vet, who tried to teach him that he needed to be hard, responsible and needed to love his country. Clay wasn’t sure about serving in the military at first. He often found himself wandering around the streets of Sacramento, in his teenage years. It was then, that he developed his love for bikes, specifically Harleys.

His father made sure that he signed up for the draft, but Clay was happy to not be sent to Vietnam, right away. He’d just bought himself a Harley and he wanted to be out on the road. After his mother died of Pneumonia right before he turned 18, his father turned to the bottle, repeatedly telling him that he’d never amount to nothing, spending all his time on his Harley. Not longafter that, he packed up his belongings and with just 100 bucks in his pocket, he headed out on the road. It was then that, he learned how to do odd jobs, settling for a bit in Lodi, where he worked part-time in a mechanic shop, cleaning up. The owner took him under his wing and taught him everything he needed to know about fixing cars and his bike.

He was settled there for quite some time, before he went back out on the road. He felt most at home, not settling anywhere. Out on the road, he met up with John Teller, and he wound up riding with him and Piney Winston, along with six others. It wasn’t long before they started calling themselves the First 9, as the Sons of Anarchy were created by John Teller and Piney Winston. Clay was one of only three people who had not served time in the military, and some of the older guys, who did their time, made fun of him about it.

In 1969, Clay was sent to Vietnam and became part of the Army Airborne, serving time until 1972. Upon his return, he reconnected with the Sons of Anarchy and continued to ride with them, a little harder, after his time in Vietnam. In 1977, it all changed. While the guys all had women they hooked up with, JT had found himself a young one. She looked barely legal to him, but she was hot. He had definitely looked, but he knew that she had her eyes on JT. After she got pregnant, they all settled in Charming, California.

Clay was not that impressed with Charming, of all places. It just lacked anything, really, in his opinion. It was small and nothing interesting seemed to happen there. But, they had acquired a good amount of land, and that was when he and JT decided to open the Teller-Morrow Shop. They were both good at auto repair, and as time went by, Clay knew it would make a good front. Once the business got going and the clubhouse was up to his standards, Clay decided that Charming might not be so bad, after all.

Over the years, things began to become less about brotherhood and more about what they had gotten into. In the late 80s, Clay and JT went with fellow member, Keith McGee, to help with trouble that had arisen in Keith’s hometown, a suburb of Belfast. They had gotten into trouble with the IRA, and that was when Clay saw opportunity. He started pushing for the gun business back home, and he knew that JT was hesitant, but Clay was not going to give in. Once they got back, he’d managed to convince most of the guys. This could bring in the money. Clay took advantage of the fact that JT seemed to be not as focused, and he used it to his advantage.

As time went on, Clay noticed that JT seemed less focused on Gemma, even when their youngest son died. He could see that they were both broken over it, but to him, JT had become weak and unfocused in Clay’s eyes, and he had no problem anymore, in flirting and eventually starting an affair with his wife. He knew that John was not stupid and knew that he was sleeping with his wife, but he flat out didn’t care. After JT was killed in a motorcycle accident, Clay took the gavel, arguing that Piney was too old, to do so.

He went to prison a few times, usually for gun running charges, but it didn’t take him long to marry Gemma after JT’s death. While JT had tried to handle things more diplomatic, Clay had no problem spilling blood, if it suited him, which happened more than once, during the war against the Mayans.

Clay was always someone who did whatever it took, to get what he wanted.

VERSES:

v: fuck the system | FIRST NINE

Time Period:  1968 - 1993 Clay is asked to join the Sons of  Anarchy, goes to Vietnam, Is patched in upon his return and is committed to the club in a variety of ways, one of which being pushing for the gun business.  He’s also responsible for a lot of the murders during the Mayan War.  As John Teller started to lose faith in what they were doing, Clay started taking advantage in many ways, which included bedding his wife and likely sabotaging his bike, to kill him.  Faceclaim:  Cam Gigandet for the 60’s - 80’s, then Ron Perlman

v: sitting on top of the world | PRESIDENT YEARS (Pre-Show)

Time Period: 1993 - 2008 After the death of John Teller, Clay became President of the Sons of Anarchy. He continued to get them deeper in guns, resulting in a number of fatalities, and all sorts of problems.

v: it ain’t easy being king | SEASON ONE

Clay tries to run the club the best he can, with the ATF breathing down his neck, the whole time. 

v: nobody threatens SAMCRO | SEASON TWO

Clay faces new challenges, as Jax starts to challenge everything he does, due to him knowing how Donna Winston died.  That’s not all though, as he finds out later that his wife has been gang raped to send a message to him. 

v: you do what you have to do | SEASON THREE

After the Irish take Abel, Clay helps Jax do whatever he can, to get his son back. This includes traveling to Ireland, where Clay has to kill Keith McGee, another First Nine member after he betrays SAMCRO. 

v: paranoia strikes deep | SEASON FOUR

After Gemma tells Clay that Tara and Piney have the letters that could implicate him in John Teller’s murder, Clay does whatever he can, to keep the truth from coming out.  This also includes the downfall of he and Gemma’s relationship, and him losing the gavel. 

v: the whistler | SEASON 5

After Jax lets Clay live, he’s allowed to sit at the table.  He does his own scheming with the NOMADS.  Eventually, he loses his patch and is sent to jail for a murder he didn’t commit.

v: sympathy for the devil | SEASON 6

Clay spends his time in jail, before he is broken out and killed by Jax. 

v: fortunate son | AU

Anything that is AU falls under this verse

[iraprince]

That chart of your GW2 ocs has compelled me so much. what is gw2. how do you make gay plants in it

guild wars 2 is my favorite mmo of all time! it's free to play, tho if u ever do end up paying for the expacs/living world seasons and stuff they all have flat costs, no monthly subscription ever. (this is what i really like about it, bc games w subs stress me out... if something has a sub and i don't play every day i feel like i'm wasting money or something lol vs gw i can fall off the wagon for weeks/months and no harm done)

ANYWAY our gay plants are one of the playable races -- they're kind of gw2's version of elves, loosely, but they're called sylvari and imo they're much cooler. rather than being "born" they just Wake Up as fully formed adults from the pods of a magical tree and gain mmmmost (but not all) of their consciousness/general understanding of the world from a shared dream that contains the memories and life experience of the sylvari who have come before them, and at the beginning of the plot sylvari as a people have only existed for like. ~20 years, which i think is a really, really compelling hook. also i'm being serious and textual abt the gay thing, arguably the most central sylvari npc is a lesbian and her relationship w her ex is plot important, one of the starter missions u can choose as a sylvari centers around helping a gay couple and the dialogue is Really Insistent abt not letting it be interpreted as "wow they're good friends!!" etc etc

there's also an Evil Faction of sylvari called the nightmare court who feel the dream is overly controlling/sanitized and want to "liberate" sylvari by balancing out the experiences contained in the dream w more negative and painful ones instead -- in-game more often than not they're written pretty flatly as cackling puppy-kicking supervillains but i think they're really interesting lol, a huge chunk of my + marina's ocs are either current or ex nightmare courtiers (including merrit and glyndwr!)

okay wait wait wait im getting distracted and infodumping u can learn all this stuff yourself by getting into the game. gotta rein it in. uhhh let me leave u w screencaps of a bunch of our ocs so u can see some character creation options bc they're so cool

also hey furries: fuicking excellent beast race with close to no sexual dimorphism.

(the one on the left in this pic is an m model and on the right is the f model. the main difference between charr gender models, literally, is how fluffy their tails are. charr fucking rule)

[marionthegeek]

Stede is in the Gravy Basket, Izzy is Alive

The season 2 finale of Our Flag Means Death is odd.  It hits weird. I think I know why. And this is going to sound bananas, but give me a chance to explain.  Maybe you’ll agree.

It has a huge tonal shift. It seems to speedrun Stede and Ed’s romance. It feels like we’ve missed out on something from the end of episode 7.  The fight scenes and pirate plans are nonsensical, even for OFMD. And most egregiously, a prominent character is killed off in a way that feels disingenuous to his story arc, just for starters.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  We need to go back to the beginning of season 2.  The season opens with Stede looking more piratey than ever. Beard, sash, earring… oh he’s his own fantasy of a real proper pirate.  He’s clashing swords with Izzy Hands and demanding to know where Ed is. He’s dreaming. In the dream he kills Izzy. He and Ed run into each other’s arms while screaming each other’s names. They crash into the surf. Ed says “I knew you’d find me, Babe.  I knew you’d find me, Love.” Stede keeps asking if they’re good. Ed dodges the question. Then Ed asked about the smell. Stede wakes up in a crowded room with farting and shushing roommates.

At first I thought the finale was supposed to be just a “satisfying” mirror to Stede’s dream. Stede and Ed call each other’s names and run into each other’s arms in a display that resembles a more grown up version of Stede’s dream fantasy. There’s some wild sword fighting not unlike Stede’s dream duel with Izzy. And Izzy dies.

It does mirror, but I didn’t find it satisfying. All of the characters except Stede feel flattened. Stede gets to make the heroic plan (that we never even hear) while there’s at least five pirates with better skill sets for it in the room. Ed, as Blackbeard, was described last season as “History’s greatest tactician”; Zheng Yi Sao conquered China; Jackie just took out a room full of British soldiers. Izzy and Auntie are right there. You could make arguments that Jim or Frenchie, or pretty much anyone could make a better plan. Then Stede says “It’s only suicide if we die,” which is horrible considering the plan gets Izzy killed.

Stede’s really the only person in that room who thinks Stede should be making the plans.  So I got to thinking, what if it's not just mirroring the dream? What if it is a dream? Last shot of episode 7 is an incoming cannonball. Maybe he’s unconscious.

Huge shout out to @Arty_Sunflowers on twitter (I’m not calling it X, fuck Musk) for pointing out that that isn’t the only episode that ends with a cannonball. Episode 2 ends with Jim swinging a cannonball down at Ed’s head.  Stede’s not just dreaming, he’s in the Gravy Basket!!!! (Stede even screams “Oh my God!” at the end of episode 7 in the same tone he screams “Oh my God, I don’t want to die.” in s1e9.

Stede’s hopes, dreams, and insecurities shape everything in the finale. And it helps explain the absurdities in the episode when you remember that Stede is living out pulp adventure and romance novels in his head. (He even looks like someone on the cover of one in his episode 1 dream.) But Stede can’t be dead, you say. He’s literally the main character. Well, Ed was dead for a whole episode. Let’s take a closer look.

I could and probably will do another essay on Lucius as a POV character and Ed’s mental health and how the threads they seemed to have dropped aren’t as dropped as they appear. But all of that hinges on me proving the Stede is in the Gravy Basket theory. So for this essay I’m focusing on that.

So for starters we’ve got the cannonball scenes. They’re eerily similar even if the method of cannonball propulsion is different. We don’t know Ed is dead and in the Gravy Basket for about half of episode 3. Neither does he. It makes logical sense you can be there without realizing it for a while. Buttons even said Ed didn’t know whether he was in the Gravy Basket or not in episode 4. It definitely messes with your reality.

One of Ed’s issues is self hate. He manifests Hornigold as his companion. Stede is desperate to be a good pirate and have people be proud of him. And he lives in his fantasies a lot.  So his dream shapes his experience. There’s a whole bit about Zheng needing “soft” and Auntie saying she’s proud of her. That isn’t their issue. It’s discordant with the show previously. But it is Stede’s issue. He’s manifesting.

When we first see Stede and Zheng in episode 8, they’re in a familiar spot for Stede, the bridge from episode 1. But why are they alone? When we last see Stede and Zheng in episode 7, several characters are within 5 to 10 feet of them. Did none of them decide to escape with Stede? Izzy, Lucius,  and Jim are closest. But we know Pete was there begging Stede to stay down during his fight with Zheng. Archie was definitely in the bar. That's why Jim entered the fight. So why is it only Stede and Zheng at the bridge? Because, going back to rescue others fits into Stede's hero fantasies. 

Zheng and Stede also argue about who pulled who to safety and how they got there. Stede waxes poetic about being a failure his whole life, but things always seem to work out for him. He’s such a main character mediocre white guy in this scene. He saves Zheng from two random soldiers, then she has to save him from them. Then they fight a bunch more soldiers on the beach until Blackbeard manifests in full leather from the ocean.  It looks cool. But it's absurd, even for OFMD.

Speaking of Ed, he begins the episode waxing poetic about nature and calling fishermen simple.  Those things are more Stede than Ed. Pop pop tells Ed, “You have no skills” which is something Izzy said to Stede in episode 5.  He also tells Ed, “If you were ever good at something, go do that, you bum.” If Stede’s insecurities could be distilled into one sentence, it would probably be that. (He also talks about being like a wave. I’m not 100% sure it's a The Good Place joke, but it would be thematically appropriate.)

Pop pop also tells Ed he “ruined dinner.”  Back in season 1, in Stede’s flashbacks to life with Mary and the kids, Stede thinks he’s ruined dinner. But remember, we also see another version of the scene where Stede is laughing with Mary and the kids.  Stede isn’t exactly a reliable narrator. Even in his own head.

Despite it being beyond unlikely, Ed finds soldiers reading one of Stede’s letters. I know physics in this show is sketchy, but this seems like a good time to point out no one found the red silk. Stede wants Ed to read a letter and for it to fix everything between them. The letter, plus Stede being in danger, make Ed swim out, find his leathers, and emerge from the sea with them on, while the music is the Swede’s solo from Stede’s fuckery in s1e6. Stede wants to be rescued by his handsome pirate in leather, again, just like a pulp adventure romance novel. Little chance of Ed swimming out and finding his kit.  Even less of him getting leather pants on under the water.

Back to the beach… for some reason two squads of soldiers are wandering around out on an empty beach. A visually incredible fight scene occurs. It honestly reminds me of Pete’s story in s1e2, including flips. Ed and Stede yell each other’s names exactly as in the dream. Like I’m pretty sure they used the same audio track. The same song (I Love My Baby, Nina Simone) starts playing. Ed says “I love you.” Stede says “I know.” (We’ll come back to the Han Solo joke in a minute.) They have a bit more absurd fighting then Ed, Stede, and Zheng sit on the beach complimenting each other. And Ed calls Stede “babe”.  He’s never done that outside of Stede’s dream and this moment. He’s called him mate a couple of times.  Babe is exclusively in Stede’s head.

Back in the Republic of Pirates, the crew are locked in a cell that is actually the “vista suite” at Spanish Jackie’s.  Izzy gets a heroic entrance. It’s as cool as Stede thinks Izzy is. And he gives a speech that sounds like what he probably told Stede to get him to relinquish the suit in episode 5. Piracy is about belonging to something. You can’t ignore the wishes of the crew.  Izzy also knows details about Captain Kidd and Pinocchio. Not impossible, but not exactly Izzy’s wheelhouse. It is Stede’s though. He’s obsessed with pirate tales and he read Pinocchio to the crew.

Stede, Ed, and Zheng show up just as Jackie has poisoned a bunch of soldiers. Stede makes a plan, despite everyone else being more qualified. Everyone disguises themselves as soldiers. Now we’ve seen the crew of the Revenge wear disguises. They never do the weird free styling they do here. Only Stede actually looks like a British officer. Zheng at least wears the disguise properly. Suddenly Ed has a multi gun bandolier like Blackbeard in the books. Pete ripped the arms off. Izzy is still wearing his vest. Doesn’t make sense if we’re going for stealth. Neither does not checking hostage Ricky for weapons or putting Izzy and his wooden leg at the front of the group.

If I'm right, Stede wouldn't know Ricky was behind the explosions. However,  Ricky is basically evil Stede. He's Stede's perfect foil. All of this is reflecting Stede's psyche. So, of course, it's Ricky.

Izzy gets shot and says quite a lot of nonsense in his death scene. “They love you, Ed.” Um, 3 of them were going to leave like five minutes ago. Ed has made some progress with the crew, but we’re not at “they love you Ed”.  The only person who thinks the crew loves Ed is Stede. Stede who weeps for Izzy while most of the crew aren’t showing much emotion. Stede can barely deal with his own big feelings. His fantasy doesn’t give the crew room to have them. Also, given the rest of the season, having Jim just let Ed be the person cradling Izzy doesn’t fit. The crew is also pretty stony at Izzy’s funeral.

I feel like it should be noted the last shot of Izzy in episode 7, he’s got one are around Jim and a hand on Lucius’s shoulder. He sat in Wee John’s lap in episode 6. Reactions to his death don’t make sense.

Also, Izzy’s terrible grave marker is very … Stede. He’d think it was a brilliant idea.

I didn't understand at first why Izzy had to die, even in Stede's dream world. Stede clearly likes him a lot better now. Why kill him? Well, it's because we're supposed to think Buttons is there to go to the Gravy Basket for Izzy. When actually he's already arrived in the Gravy Basket and he's there for Stede. Also, mentors die in pulp adventure novels. Stede sees Izzy as a mentor.

They go aboard the Revenge for Lucius and Pete’s wedding. It’s cute that the crew performs the ceremony, but I’d venture a guess that’s because Stede doesn’t know a captain should do it if it's legally binding. Stede does love the romance of it all.  The sudden uptick in monogamy is also very Stede. He barely understands monogamous relationships. Polyamory is beyond him.

Then Stede and Ed, who earlier told Zheng they’d help hunt Ricky, go back to the island where Izzy is buried to start an inn in a run down shack.  Stede knows Ed wants to do this because Ed told the (Taika’s) kids that they ran an inn.  We hear Ed ask “Jesus, what is that smell?” Now, at first, I thought Izzy, because Ed “knows the smell of my rotting first mate”. But what was the last thing to happen in Stede’s dream? A fart joke.

Last scene is Buttons landing on Izzy’s grave. To retrieve Izzy from the Gravy Basket? No, Izzy’s not dead. He’s with Jim and Lucius, probably watching over Stede’s corpse. Buttons is there to retrieve Stede.

This theory fixes the plot holes and dropped threads problem. We’re coming back to them next season. Ed's amends making should be far from over. And we see several moments during the season where he acknowledged that. And yet here on the island they've set up a horror movie and called it a happy ending.  Well, Stede is the type of boss who thinks things are fixed with a pizza (Calypso) party. In Stede's mind, this is a happy ending.  But really Ed is still off finding himself,  Stede is (temporarily) dead, and Izzy (who is not dead!) is probably guarding Stede's corpse.

They haven't resolved the domestic violence thread, but they haven't dropped it, either. Izzy is alive. Stede and Ed aren't together (yet). There's still time.

This also explains some of the freewheeling nonsense David Jenkins has been spouting in articles. Ed doesn’t see Izzy as a father figure and mentor, Stede does.  Stede almost turned to mush when Izzy approved of him. And David is writing a three volume adventure novel. Han Solo (Stede) is in carbonate (the Gravy Basket). The perfect end to the second act. See, I told you we’d get back to the Han Solo joke.

I still have problems with the season.  I really think they need a sensitivity reader. Even just implying a newly disabled character was fridged is certainly a choice. Especially given the amount of time devoted to how the character handled the disability. The DV scenes were brutal, as well as the suicide attempt, and the Human Puppet joke. I think they need someone trauma informed and disabled in the writer's room. (David Jenkins hit me up!)

Overall, I liked season 2. Especially once I realized Izzy wasn't dead. I'm looking forward to season 3, the conclusion of the Gentle Beard arc, and hopefully 6 seasons and a movie of Izzy (to be clear, he's not captain) and the kids sailing up and down the coast being gay and doing crimes, occasionally checking in with Stede and Ed.

Seriously, David, call me.

Historical Note: IRL Blackbeard died on November 22, 1718, killed in a naval battle off Ocracoke Island in North Carolina. IRL Stede Bonnet died December 10, 1718, hanged in Charles Town, South Carolina for piracy.  IRL Israel “Izzy” Hands survives piracy, death date unknown. I know this show doesn’t actually care about historical accuracy, but this lends a little support for my Ed died, then Stede died, and Izzy isn’t dead theory.

[spider-stark]

notes regarding the blackwood x bracken bullshit below - definite spoilers for season 2 episode 3 below the cut, as well as screenshots from the episode

for starters - what the fuck

okay, now that we have that out of the way: I don't care if his Davos, Benjicot, or Blackwood #3 -- it needs to be discussed how terrified that Bracken boy looked to even be in his presence. from the jump, he looks noticeably off-put and by the time he draws his sword, he looks like he's shaking in his goddamn boots, ok?

additionally, you cannot tell me it's not Bloody Ben behavior for this Blackwood to quite literally decide AGAINST drawing his own weapon before approaching this boy with a GRIN ON HIS MOTHER-FUCKING FACE only for it to then cut scene and we see the Bracken laying dead on the ground with his own sword jutting out of his throat.

I mean, they made a point of showing the pommel of the Bracken's sword prior to this scene. they wanted it to be clear he was slain with his own weapon, which - as I just said - would be such textbook BLOODY FUCKING BEN BEHAVIOR.

but, then, I propose this:

I think there is a good 99.9% chance that this is our boy. I would love to say I'm banking on the 00.1% that it's not, but I'll be honest guys - I'm not hopeful in the slightest. every aspect of the outfit that can be seen is practically identical to what the Blackwood (Benji/Davos/Whatever) was wearing previously.

with that being said, I feel like this scene was poorly executed if that's the case, considering we then go to the scene of Aegon's council so soon after and make it a point to say Samwell Blackwood was slain in battle -- that would have been more impactful to me if we had just seen the aftermath of Bloody Ben and, essentially, been formally introduced to the new Lord of Raventree Hall and Head of House Blackwood.

any and all opinions/comments/theories welcome because I am dying to discuss. additionally --- what the actual fuck do we do about the fan fiction

[szasfuckingwife]

SHAWTY FUCK WIT’ ME CUZ SHE KNOW I’M POPULAR

RICHBOY!EREN YEAGER X RICHGIRL!READER

WARNINGS: Smut, car sex, Jean tryna sabotage eren and y/n, swearing, weed, jealous sex, Jealous eren

SYNOPSIS: You and Eren have started your relationship and have become exclusive, but when Jean finds out, he decides that he wants you for himself..

A/N: I wanted to release this on the day i hit 1k but it’s cool💀 I made two drafts for pt 2, this and one and another one where eren invited Y/n over for dinner at his parents and she meets zeke. I dunno if i like this draft as much but I decided to release it cuz car sex wit eren???

This is pt2 of Soundgasm

It’s been months, and in those months , you’ve spent them with Eren. Yes, it was semi fucking, semi talking but it was with Eren nonetheless. Of course, you didn’t want to make it obvious to your parents that you were seeing someone- if you can even call it that. But, if you had the choice, you’d chill with Eren everyday.

Yet again, you were at the country club. Except this time, you were more than happy. Mainly due to Eren being behind you, holding your hands as you held the club. You swore that Eren couldn’t distract you when you were golfing and he put you to the test.

You couldn’t stop giggling as he kissed your neck and rested his chin on your shoulder, “Eren, you’re gonna make me miss it.”

“I thought you were the best golfer here?”, he put his cap on your head. His head was definitely bigger than yours. Despite that, he found it cute how it looked on you.

However, inside the country club building, a tall brunette stared at the touchy scene in front of him. It was his friend - or more frenemie - kissing on some girl. He’s seen you before from time to time. Jealousy didn’t show on his face but he was definitely feeling it inside.

“Jean, bro…is that Eren?” Connie, another teenager asked Jean. You’ve met Connie before, he’s a little to weird for you and quite literally the definition of ‘spoiled brat’. Splashing his parents cash as if it was spare change.

Jean nodded, “Who’s the girl?”

“That’s Y/N. I didn’t know they were close like that.” Connie raised a brow, scratching his bald head.

“I didn’t know that there was a ‘they’ anyway…” Jean muttered, pulling down his Cartier aviators.

You see, Jean didn’t love Eren. Yeah, that was his friend from middle school. And yes, they’d had a happy friendship until they grew into teenagers. Jean thought Eren would stay on the hockey team, like he promised. And when Eren turned around and joined the basketball team, getting all these offers angered Jean.

Not enough for Jean to be praying on Erens downfall, but enough for Jean to think that maybe, just maybe, you’d be happier with him.

When you guys finished golfing, Eren took you over to the bar, paying for both of your drinks. “You gonna come to my game this Saturday?”

“I haven’t missed one this season..” You smiled at him, causing butterflies to float in his stomach. “I don’t see why I’d miss this one.”

Eren loved when you came to his games. You were his motivation. Yeah, because he didn’t want to lose and embarrass himself in front of the girl he was so close calling his girlfriend. But, seeing your smile after scoring was enough for him.

“I’ll see if coach can get you better seats this time. What did your parents think of the last game-” “Eren!”

When you looked behind him, you saw three people walk up to you. Constance, who you’ve met, was smiling, dressed in a large, navy blue varsity jacket with a white hoodie underneath and the same coloured cargoes.

There was a brown haired girl, who you haven’t met. She wore a casual lilac summer dress with her hair up in a ponytail. Her eyes were huge, in a cute way. She smiled at you, her cheeks rosy and round.

The guy in the middle of them was the tallest out of the three of them, he may be taller than Eren. There were striking similarities between the two however. For starters, they were both tall, brunettes, pretty eyes. He wore a tight long sleeved white top and some joggers. There was no doubt about it, he was definitely intimidating but weirdly, he wore a smile on his face.

“You didn’t tell me you’ve got a girl..” The taller boy wrapped his arm around Erens neck. You saw him put a little bit of pressure as Eren began chuckling. “All grown up now, huh?”

“Shut up, Jean..” Eren responded, smiling after seeing his best friend. “Y/N, this is Jean, Sasha and Connie.”

They all smiled at you and you gave one back. “Connie? Is that a nickname?” You asked.

“Don’t tell me he gave you that bullshit about his name being Constance.” Jean cackled, his friend’s cheek going red with embarrassment. “It’s a name his grandma gave him and she’s the only reason why he can call himself a quarter Dominican.”

Connie barked out insults at Jean earning a few heads to turn towards your group at the bar. You all continued to laugh. Jean especially payed close attention to your smile and how pretty it looked.

After you all had your drinks, you all chose to chill outside, soaking up in the sun. A conversation had already begun but, it was mainly Jean giving Eren shit.

“I told you if you stayed doing hockey, we would’ve made it big.” Jean sighed as Eren rolled his eyes for the nth time.

“You do hockey?” You ask.

He smiles at your curiosity, “Yeah, I do. Our team are on our third championship and hopefully, getting our fourth by next Friday.”

Eren watches as Jean continues to babble about hockey. He sees the face he makes. That one face where he seems unbothered but Jean’s really trying to impress you.

“I see you do golf. Well, we all did this morning.” As Jean spoke, Connie held back laughter, disguising it with a cough. Sasha seemed to be confused to and nudged Connie, hoping he’d tell her.

It took a few minutes before you realised they probably saw you and Eren playing together. A shy laugh leaves your mouth, “It was just practice. Eren’s a little rusty…”

“Oh, he’s rusty in golf too? He was rusty in the court too is what I’m hearing.” The table falls into silence after Jeans dig at Eren. You fear Eren will retaliate, cause a scene. But all Eren does is chuckle as he eats the last of his sorbet.

“Who you hearin that from?” Eren asked.

“People in your team, Yeager.” Jean smirks.

The tension that was now at your table couldn’t even be cut with a knife, it’d need something much greater. You can barely hear anyone breathe let alone talk.

You look at Eren, attempting to get him to look at you back but, he doesn’t

However, Connie clears his throat after a few seconds of silence, “Well, Eren I know you have a game on Saturday which is why I’m being so generous and throwing a party on Sunday. And of course, Y/n and yourself are invited.”

It took a lot of convincing from you in order for Eren to say yes to going to Connie’s party. He was filled with excuses, ‘i’ll be too tired from the game’ and ‘Connies parties are too much’. But once he heard you say you wanted to go so you can meet his friends, he knew it was just out of the kindness of your heart.

So, on Sunday, Eren picks you up in his Mercedes - what he didn’t mention was that he begged his father to give him the car so he could impress you.

It did kinda hurt when you didn’t gawk at his car but he didn’t mind it. Maybe you just weren’t impressed by material items.

When he pulled up to Connies house, you were both immediately met with a loud bass that shook the whole neighbourhood. Eren sighed before walking into the house, he wasn’t a frequent party guy but he enjoyed them.

As soon as you walked in, the smell of weed and alcohol met your nostrils. Random people were all over each other, kissing, grinding or shotgunning. Eren made sure your hand was in his at all times, he didn’t want one of these weirdos talking to you.

“I-Is that Eren Yeager?!” Connie walked up to the two of you with open arms. It took you by surprise how he hugged the both of you. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“I didn’t want to.” Eren muttered.

“Your house is beautiful, Connie. Why would your parents let you do this?” You chuckled.

You saw Connie’s eyes shift left and right before he shrugged. “They don’t know.” He saw your mouth open as you were about to say something. “And they don’t need to know.”

You sighed before Connie asked if you guys wanted any drinks and went to go get you something. Eren said something but due to the very loud music drowning him out, you replied with a “What?!”.

“Come dance!” He said. “Need to let everyone know you’re mine..”

A smirk grew on your face as you realised what this all was about. “Is Eren Yeager jealous?”

Eren quickly looked away. He doesn’t get jealous, mainly because he’s used to getting what he wants when he wants. And God help whoever tries to take that away from him.

After Connie came back with drinks, you let loose. The alcohol made you less reserved, causing you to start new conversations with randoms around the house.

Eren doesn’t usually dance but when he felt you grind against his crotch, Eren suddenly felt some rhythm in his legs. It was almost like you were right back on the field having him help you practice with golf.

This scene was a little more intimate and a little more risqué. His hot breath hit your neck before he kissed it. You felt his strong hands grip on your hips subtly moving your hips to where he wanted them.

It was getting way too hot. You turned around and looked at him in the eye. His pretty eyes were lidded as he looked down at you. The corner of his lips were curled up into a grin, he wanted to kiss you so bad.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” You whisper into his ear. “Afterwards, I want you to take me somewhere - anywhere - and fuck me…”

Eren watched as you walked away so innocently. Sweetly asking Connie where’s the bathroom and politely asking people to excuse you.

He’d fulfil your wish.

Unexpectedly, you were met with a long queue to Connies bathroom. You weren’t even sure if some of the people in the line were even there to go to the bathroom but rather for a quickie.

“I know he doesn’t know you that well but Connie really made you use this bathroom…?” A low voice spoke behind you. When you turned around, Jean stood with a grin plastered on his face.

You chuckle, “There’s another bathroom?”

Jean puts his index finger by his lips, “Don’t tell everyone.” He whispers causing you to giggle. “It’s his parent’s on suite. Come, I’ll take you.”

Nothing was stopping you from following him. You were desperate for the toilet and the quicker you can do your business, the quicker you can get back to Eren.

Jean opens the door, holding it open for you to pass.

“That one…” He points at the door and you thank him before running to the bathroom. You finish your business and look in the mirror to take a good look at your appearance.

All that dancing had done something to your make up. You chuckle as you notice how your eye bags seemed slightly darker from your mascara and how your lip gloss was slightly smudged.

Once you leave the bathroom, you were met with Jean sitting on Connie’s parent bed, lighting a blunt. His eyes were on you as he placed it in between his lips.

“You’re gonna get Connie in trouble when his parents come home and their bed smells like weed..” You chuckle, finding a place on the bed to sit.

He shrugs, “The windows are up. Besides, they love me. I’m like the golden child in their eyes.”

You chuckle. The atmosphere was strange. Jean seemed like a chill guy but he was definitely arrogant in some way. All thoughts left your mind, however, when Jean took the blunt out of his lips and passed it to you.

“Nah, I don’t..smoke..” You smiled. “You shouldn’t either, Mr championship hockey player. It’s bad for your lungs and shit.”

He shakes his head grinning. “I don’t do it often. It’s just tonight, I wanna relax.”

“You better not do it often. When you make it big, it might be detrimental.” You mutter. Jean sees the way you play with your fingers and he can’t tell if you’re nervous or if that’s a habit.

Whatever it is, it’s cute.

“When I make it big, huh? What makes you think I’ll make it big?” He asks, he moves himself slightly closer to you but not too close where you’re uncomfortable.

You look at him. “You have an athlete persona. And, the way you were making it sound in the country club, you were destined for greatness.”

Jean shrugs, as if he doesn’t care. But he’s smiling in his head because he knows he’ll make it big. All the offers and scholarships piled at his front door aren’t just imaginary.

“Nah..” Jean chuckles. “I been playin since I could walk it feels like. My mom…she wasn’t filthy rich when I was born so it was hard to get me lessons. But when she slowly became richer, I’ve been at the top of my game. I owe it all to her, really.”

A smile adorns your face as you hear him talk about his mother. “How about you? I hear you do…golf?”

You then go on to ramble how you’ve been playing golf for a little over ten years now and how everyone thinks it’s boring, but it’s fun for you.

“And, you teaching Eren how to golf now?” He looks at you smugly. Something was telling you that Eren would be brought up. “He never seemed that interested before he met you I assume.”

You shrug, “He’s…good. But yeah, basketball is his thing. Golf is definitely mine.” You chuckle but Jean doesn’t. He just grins, and looks away.

The room falls silent as Jean continues to smoke, “You like him?”

The question almost catches you off guard, was it not clear in the country club?, “Yeah…I really do. He’s been great.”

Your answer leaves Jean a little more jealous than he should be. However, he does nothing but chuckle. “I’ve seen this happen so many times, y’know?”

“Seen what happen?”

He looks at you, blankly, “Eren gets a girl to fall in love with him and in the end, he leaves them for dust. It’s happened to that girl, Historia? Don’t know if you know her?”

Jean knew that what he was saying was a lie. Well, it was a half lie. Eren and Historia briefly dated and it was a very nasty break up. It was filled with toxicity from both parties and the relationship would’ve rot had it continued. But that was Eren’s first toxic relationship.

Ask any of his previous girlfriends, apart from Historia, they’d tell you that he was the one that got away.

“No..No, I don’t.” You answer. Was everything Eren told you a lie? Like how he’s never felt like this about anyone? Was it all just bullshit?

The conversation that was ahead didn’t appeal to you, so you stood from the bed. “Thanks for the conversation, Jean. It was nice getting to know you.”

He stands too, “It’s nothing. I shouldn’t have said all that about Eren. It’s none of my business…It’s the weed talkin..”

“No, you might’ve just opened my eyes a little.” You sigh, walking to leave the bedroom.

When you open the door, you were met with those same pretty eyes you’d been looking at for months. He looks at you, then behind you to see Jean. You can see him mentally try to connect the dots, but it’s too late. It didn’t help that your lip gloss was smudged.

“Eren..” You say, before he storms away.

You follow Eren outside as he marches back to his car. Obviously, from his perspective, he’s seen the girl he likes and his friend in a room that smells of weed. And, your lip gloss smudged.

But you have questions of your own. “Eren, stop..”

“Just get in the car, I’ll drop you home.” He sighs as he opens his side of the car. Normally, he’d walk over and open your door first. But he’s mad, furious.

The car ride starts off silent. Well, for the most part. The roading chants from Connie’s house echo throughout the driveway.

“Did you make out with him? Or fuck him?” He asks, like it’s an ordinary question.

You look at him in disbelief, “You’re not serious..”

“What? I’m seeing my girl and my friend in a room, what am I supposed to think?” He scoffs.

In any other situation, the way Eren called you ‘my girl’ would make your cheeks grow warm. But now is not the time, “I can’t speak to one of your friends?”

“Was that you were doing?” Eren asks sarcastically.

“Yeah, it was. And the things he told me about you surprised me the most.” You scoff back at him before crossing your arms and staring out the window.

Eren stays silent for a second, “What’d he say?”

“We talked about Historia. And how that and every other relationship you’ve had was toxic as hell.”

If Eren wasn’t driving, he’d snap his head to look at you in total disbelief. What Eren were you guys talking about? Because it surely isn’t Eren Yeager.

The same Eren Yeager who picked flowers from his mothers flowerbed to give to his first girlfriend before she cheated on him? Or the same Eren Yeager who was left soaked after giving girlfriend no.2 his jacket when it was raining like crazy?

“Y/N, I know you’re smart, c’mon..” He sighs. “He’s only saying that so you look at me differently.”

“And why would he-” “Because he’s attracted to you, Y/N!” He says, at this point he’s beyond annoyed. Finding out Jean was trying to jeopardise his new relationship was enough, but finding out you believed him?! Icing on the cake.

Once Eren says those words, it’s like everything clicked for you. That’s why he threw shade at eren at the country club.

“Ask any ex of mine, I was nothing but good to them..” Eren sighs. “Historia…Historia was the only toxic one. She cheated first, then I cheated. And yeah, I regret it. But…I was hurt.”

You look at him, full of regret. “I’m…I’m sorry, for not believing you..”

He shakes his head. “It’s whatever.”

The rest of the car ride is silent before Eren stops at a red light. You can tell this whole situation has pissed him off. But, there’s nothing you can do to regain his trust.

“One question, though..” Eren muttered. You turned to look at him straight away.

“You didn’t fuck him?”

You sighed, smiling slightly. “No, Eren. I barely even looked at him.”

“Good.” He turned into a car park and parked there. “Come ride me..”

The casualness in which he said that surprised you. But, it was the least you could do. Awkwardly, you made your way to sit on his lap.

Eren grabbed the back of your neck and pushed your face towards his, inviting you into a lengthy and sloppy kiss. His anger was radiating from the kiss alone as his other hand began to grab your ass from behind.

You felt his pull your skirt up slightly so he could grab your panties. That’s when you heard a loud rip. You immediately felt the absence of your panties but you didn’t care. For now, all that mattered was making him feel good.

“Eren..I want you..” Eren smiled into the kiss after hearing your words. His hands went down to his joggers, pulling them down so his dick sprung out.

It was hard and throbbing against you. “Maybe we should argue more often.” He smiled at you, before kissing you again.

The feeling if Eren’s cock sliding in between your folds made you crazy. You wanted nothing but for him to thrust inside you, but you knew that you couldn’t be too impatient.

“This is what you wanted, hm? Talking to my friends, tryna get me jealous so I could fuck you like a whore, huh?” He whispered in your ear. You didn’t answer, the feeling of Eren against you making you unable to form words. “Answer me, Y/N.”

You nod, biting your lip. Suddenly, you feel a sharp slap on your bare ass. “Y/N, you’ve been pissing me off all night, use your words.”

“Yes!” You whimper. “I just wanted you to fuck me..”

Eren knows that was the case all along. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t have grind on him like no one was watching.

Finally, Eren pushes his cock inside you. You gasp at the feeling, gripping onto his shoulders tightly. Eren smirks as your hips begin to rock, slowly but it feels amazing.

A string of moans leave your plump lips. Eren groans at the way your pussy tightens around him ever so slightly. “You’re fucking mine, okay?”

You nod again, forgetting how Eren wants you to speak. He thrusts up into you roughly, earning a loud moan from you. His strokes are quick and satisfying. You feel like you’re gonna cum before he abruptly stops.

“Ren..” You whine.

“You want me to fuck you like that? Then, fucking speak when I’m talking to you.” His voice is low as he tells you what he wants.

You begin to bounce on his cock. Obviously, it’s quite cramped because cars aren’t made for sex. But you make it work. Eren’s hands grip tightly on your hips as you speed up.

And Eren so badly wants to rip your shirt to see your beautiful boobs. But he knows hes dropping you back to your parents.

So, he settles for pulling up your top, exposing your tits. He greedily sucks and kisses all over them. If your mind wasn’t already scrambled by his dick, this would send you.

“Eren, fuck..feels too good..” You whimper.

He notices you slowing down and slaps your ass again, “Don’t slow down. You were talking all that shit earlier, like you know shit..”

A whine leaves your mouth again as you try to bounce on his cock as feverishly as you did before. But you just don’t have that much energy.

“You need some help, huh?” He asks and you mewl out a small, ‘please’.

Immediately, you feel Eren snap his hips up into you, fucking you hard and deep. You lose your breath for a second before gnashing your teeth down on your lip, attempting to muffle your moans.

His lips are back on your tits and then they travel up to your neck, hard enough to leave marks. You try to stop him, realising that if your parents see a hickey, they’d be angry as hell. But, all efforts are futile.

“You gonna speak to Jean again?” He says, breathlessly.

“N-No!”

His hands slap your ass a few more times, “I know, baby. Because you’re mine, hm? These tits are mine, this pussy is mine, yeah?”

You nod, this time Eren doesn’t care because he so close to cumming. “You’re about to make me come, baby. I can feel you’re close.”

“I’m so fucking close, Ren..” You hug him as he fucks you even more faster than he did before. Eren groans out a ‘Fuck!’ before you cum all over him, causing him to cum too.

The car smells like pure sex as you and Eren try to regain your breath. He looks up at you and kisses you. It’s a softer kiss but it still sends butterflies to your stomach.

“Be my girlfriend.” He mutters in between kisses.

You look at him and smile. “I’d be honoured..”

[madridfangirl]

Star Crossed Lovers - Blurb from Ch 9

(Full Ch coming soon - pls bear with me)

Series Link

.................................................................

The first time Jude discussed his relationship at home, it didn’t go down too well.

He told Jobe in a long call one night.

‘I knew it.’

‘No, you guessed it.’

‘Well, I guessed right. You are too easy to read.’

‘Shut up. M not.’

‘Whatever. Does Mum know?’

‘No. Unless she’s guessed it too. She said something to you?’

‘No. How come I knew sitting here & she doesn’t have any wind of it?’

‘Coz you’re nosy.’

‘You mean smart. M smart.’

‘No, I mean nosy.’

‘Bro, you sure you’re ready for this?’

His voice suddenly turned serious. Big brotherly. He was doing that more & more lately. Those who called Jude mature for his age didn’t know what Jobe could be like at times.

‘I want this.’

‘Those are two different things.’

‘I’ll make it happen if I want it. You know that.’

‘If you say so.’

Jude didn’t like the skepticism in his brother’s voice. There was nothing he couldn’t achieve once he set his mind to it. No one thought he’ll have the record setting season with Birmingham at 16. Or the record breaking move to Dortmund at 17. Or the galactico signing to Madrid at 20. Or being a starter in the national team as quickly as he did. Proving people wrong was not new for him, he liked the challenge. Even if the person knew him as well as Jobe did. 

Sure he’ll have to give up aspects of his lifestyle. The thrill of being with new women, the rush of making them fall for him, the adrenaline of being their first choice, the excitement of first times, the satisfaction of the impact he had on them, leaving them coming back for more, never having enough of him, the ease of no ties / commitments. It all worked for him at this stage of his life. 

But something had consistently drawn him towards this girl from the moment they first met. She was a lot more than someone he just wanted in his bed (he wanted that too, desperately). She was a friend, a confidante, an advisor. Someone he sought after anything good or anything bad. She was comfort. She was warmth. She was peace. She was fun. She was his girlfriend.

His girlfriend.

Why hadn’t they said that to each other yet? It had to be rectified immediately.

Jude called her right away. She woke up with a jump.

‘What happened? All ok?’

‘Just wanted to hear my girlfriend’s voice.’

She missed the context in her grogginess.

‘It’s 2 am. I have to get up at 7 am. Are you fucking nuts?’

‘Is my girlfriend mad at me?’

‘YES. Your girlfriend is LIVID….’

She paused. He waited for it to dawn on her, what was just said.

‘Don’t leave your boyfriend hanging, dove.’

He heard the little gasp she let out at the other end.

‘M coming over. Wanna hear these noises in person.’

‘Ok.’

Next morning, as she got ready for work, she had to apply a ton of makeup to cover the marks on her neck and shoulders. While he remained sprawled on the bed, enjoying the scene, commenting when she missed a spot, ignoring the daggers she was throwing at him as she was getting late.

........................................................

(Series Link)

Hope you like where this is going, this chapter will be a roller coaster!

Thank you for all the DMs guys. I am back to writing these two and the next few chapters should come soon :)

[luna-the-cretar]

Can I just take a moment to praise OUAW (and the LOA cast as a whole), and their subtle yet VERY effective method of storytelling?

(Spoilers for OUAW below the cut)

For starters; the mix of comedy and gut-punch, and how they usually lure the audience into a false sense of security using humor, before hitting them with a really dark and angsty moment/episode, and then jumping right back into comedy to cut the tension.

Don’t believe me? Fuck, listen to episode fucking ONE, which inadvertently introduces this whole method that the continue to do for the rest of the campaign (and maybe others, im not entirely sure, but I’ve noticed this same method for Icebound, but almost in the reverse). The whole episode is full of jokes and antics, before hitting us with the (really depressing) death of a fairy at the end of the episode, immediately turning the mood around. And then the following 15 EPISODES were just a whole lot of fun and chaos.

Jokes and antics > depressing moment > more jokes and antics

Or how about episodes 41 and 42? They were joking around and doing their usual antics, before tensions rose with the death of Twig and everything afterwards, and then in episode 43 they spent the first hour as dancing singing mushrooms

Humor > angst > humor

Or episode 46? The first two thirds of the episode, the party were turned into toys and it was just…absolute chaos. Before they all got killed by the Jabberwock

However, I also noticed that episode 47 onward, this changed. Dont get me wrong, they still joke around and do their usual antics, but it seemed like it stopped being as a way to try and shrug off what just happened. Though, I guess this could partially be because of the circumstances, all things considered. Though I’m interested to see where season 2 takes us with this.

Also; character arcs. Or perhaps the lack thereof? I’m honestly not sure, to be honest.

There has been a change in these characters throughout the campaign thus far, don’t get me wrong. But these changes have been so incredibly subtle that you won’t even notice that they are going through a character arc unless you’re specifically looking for it.

Like how Torbek has been growing more confident—both in general and in his abilities; or how Gricko has been slowly shedding his “comic relief” exterior to show just WHY he’s a valued member of the party (other than his ability to heal); and fuck, I’ve even noticed a bit of a change in Kremy and Gideon (tho I can’t quite place what that character arc is, or when it started, but there IS a character arc happening here)

And like, I’m generally pretty good at picking up subtleties like this from media (in fact, most of my fics and character studies/analysis require this), but somehow OUAW managed to make their character arcs so subtle that I completely missed that there even WAS a character arc even happening until it suddenly reared its head (again, like with Torbek and Gricko)

It’s so subtle yet so effective and I just…agh! I can’t wholly verbally express how much I love the storytelling and character development in OUAW, it’s so good

[akascow]

the more posts i see about tua4 the more im convinced none of the writers went back and watched the previous seasons because literally so much is wrong dude HAHA

annoying words under the break and spoilers !!

for starters since when has allison ever helped klaus in the previous seasons🧍🏻‍♀️ it was always diego man. im glad he got to be the fun but very cautious uncle for claire but allison rarely helped klaus with anything except in s2 where they just got drunk together on the kitchen floor HAHA

also lila 'i dont like bracelets' pitts who was already shown making bracelets in 2 (with diego), losing her bracelet at the end of 2, then diego giving it back to her in 3 (and she wore that shit !!) all for it to be thrown away for whatever the fuck happened in the strawberry timeline lol

this ones a throwaway rant but 1) why did none of the fives in that diner experience paradox psychosis and 2) whyd they all look the same lol u cant tell me every five chose to wear the same exact suit with the same haircut (and the same age appearance wise!!)

someone already said this one so dont credit me but five wouldve 1000000% recognized his apocalypse that second he stepped outta that train (by the smell) and would not need to look around for 10 seconds at the debris he spent like 40 years in to clock it as ".....i know this place,, its my apocalypse" lmfao yeah man

not gonna get into this one but raymond "id rather spend a day with you than a year without you" chestnut would never fuckin walk out on allison and claire lol WHAT

anotha one that ppl have already mentioned but ben wouldve told klaus what happened to him when he died right? like he stuck around for 15 years because he wasnt ready to leave his siblings he for sure woulda mentioned it at some point right 🧍🏻‍♀️

and biggest of all (for me bc its been bugging me) but if lila had to be there in the end "otherwise itd just reset again" then why the hell didnt the other oct 1st people need to be there too are we just supposed to forget about them (RAHHH) if the reasoning is that they shouldve never existed (awful reasoning btw) then why do the others get a free pass HUH?? unless theyre like "well the cleanse took over the entire world so they got slorped up too" or "the others died a while ago these 8 are the last marigold kids" which is a stupid cop out and i will not accept it lmao.

also they never went anywhere with reggies alien self HAHA not a problem w me bc i do not care about him at all but like,, why was he an alien (i cant remember if they explained it in the comics but) HAHA whatever man

[isawas-here]

~~~~~SUNKISSED PART 3~~~~~~

(grumpy x sunshine , age gap, oral/ SEXUAL THEMES!!!!)

I just wanted to say sorry guys that I haven’t been active in so long but oh my lordy lord rafe looks so good this season HEHEHE)

You guys pulled up to the sandy beaches, the grass blowing slowly in the wind. Rafe puts the truck in park and he gets out the door. You go to open it but he stops you. “I got it”. He opens his door and jogs around to your side. Your hair blocks the blush you had on your face. “Wow what a gentleman” you tease. He smirks at you. He opens the back door and pulls out a blanket and 2 beers. You watched him silently wondering how he had this set up. Maybe he was waiting on you this entire time. After all you guys did have tension every time you talked. He started walking down the sandy path towards the icy cold water. “You comin darlin?”. You stood there for a second quickly picking up you pace as you followed him. There was no one around, it seemed to fit knowing that it was late in the night. Rafe put down the blanket and sat down waiting for you. You quickly sat down next to him as he handed you a beer. You heard him take a deep sigh and begin to speak. “So what really are you Rivers?” you laughed in confusion. “What do you mean” you smiled at him and then taking a swig of the bitter darkish liquid. “Well for starters you aren’t a “Kook” and you’re not a “Pouge”. You eyed him as he looked out towards the water. “Why does it matter?” You responded. He then looked at you deep into your eyes before taking a sip of his beer. “Nothin, but you should be careful who you hang out with. Nobody is what they seem”. You felt a chill craw up your spine. You slightly shiver. “What are saying, should I trust you Mr. Cameron” you move your hair over your shoulder as smirk. “You know you aren’t as sweet as people think you are Rivers.” Your eyebrow is raised. You can feel it. You don’t,now if it’s the drinks you had before or there was something in the beer you just had but ;you knew what was going to happen next. “Oh yeah?” You look at Rafe’s lips and back to his eyes. You slightly lick your lips. You and Rafe are so close you swear you can hear his heart beating. The next thing you hear is Rafe breathy “yeah”. Crash. You are now on top of Rafe straddling him. You and him are making out but they get sloppier as he tries to tug of your shirt. Rafe keeps one arm aloud of you and the other going to your bra. He quickly undoes it and rips the bra off, his mouth going directly to your chest. He starts kissing down your neck to your breast. His tongue flicks your nipple and your back arches. You can feel Rafes smirk. Rafe continues your palms digging into Rafe’s shoulders. “fuckkkkk” you whine. You involuntary roll your hips on Rafe’s crotch making him groan in pleasure. Rafe tells you to get off and he unzips his pants shimming them off. You can see the boner in his pants as he lays on his back. You kiss his cock through his boxers and tease him a little. You pull them off as you start kissing him from his balls to tip. Rafe’s hips roll and you earn a whine from him. You kiss his tip and take him into your mouth, you suck his length. He starts thrusting himself into your mouth and you gag on his cock. Tears are on the brink of your eyes. You hear curses from him as he releases into your mouth. You get on your knees and open your mouth he looks at you. “Good girl”. You swallow and Rafe lays you on your back, kissing you from your stomach down your pussy. “Aw look at these!” You had forgotten you wore your white underwear with red maraschino cherries and a little bow at the top. Rafe kisses your clothed pussy. You’re already soaked him adding pressure was just it. You fist the blanket under you guys your back arching a bit. “Rafe please!” he asked no time taking off your panties and finding your entrance. He slips his middle finger into your pussy as he sucks your clit. “Fuck you don’t know how long I wanted to do this. To RUIN you”. Rafe mumbles as he soaked up all your juices. You’re so close and you close your thighs around his head, only to give him an advantage fining your g spot. Rafe’s movements get faster as he fingers your cunt. You unravel on him as your grind you pussy on him. “FUCKKK” you cry out.

[lilac-roleplay-starters]

Smiling Friends (Season 1 & 2) sentence starters :    

"I would really not be screaming that at the top of your lungs."

"Oh wow what a great idea, NOT!"

"Okay, I'm not doing this right now. Bye."

"Dude, I warned you, I said I was gonna do that if you did it again!"

"I just wanted my cheese!!!"

"I hate milk."

"I think i’m about to puke."

"I’m gonna knock your block off you little freak!"

"Coming from someone with weird eyes, you should learn to love yourself."

"The world we live in stresses me out..."

"Oh my God, I paid $600 for that."

"It was all a ruse you pathetic little ant!"

"I guess our best years are just behind us."

"I have brought great dishonor to my ancestors!"

"…I don’t really want this."

"Uh, no dip!"

"And now you know my cool fucking backstory..."

"See that's exactly why I don't dress up for Halloween, right there. That's the reason."

"By the way, for the record, you should probably knock or make yourself known next time you enter someone's place."

"You pissed me the frick off, dude!"

"Dude what the fuck you’re so old, why are you even here?"

"This is the most obnoxious thing I’ve ever experienced in my life."

[showtoonzfan]

HELLUVA BOSS: S2E4 REVIEW

Ganna be honest, this episode wasn’t AS bad as I thought it would be, like I’m lowkey shocked. It’s certainly not the worst out of what we’ve seen, and it didn’t piss be off to high heaven, especially since the runtime is short and Blitz and Stolas are away from one another here, but….it still wasn’t….good, so let’s get into it.

So everyone already knows this episode was….so fast paced. Andrealphus doesn’t even get a proper introduction, and like I said before, in the span of one fucking minute, we have Stolas and Stella petty banter, Andrealphus, and Striker coming back to kidnap him. For starters, Yayy….glad to see Stolas and Stella acting like petty middle schoolers towards eachother. I was right when I said that the writers can’t figure out what they want their dynamic to be. Like….this is supposed to be the same couple that’s in an abusive serious situation, and it kinda doesn’t make me take them seriously if they’re just swearing at each other and bickering Viv. Also, glad to know the writers are outright saying “cheating is okay”- simply because Stella never liked him, so again….way to take the flaws Stolas had in season 1 and completely erase them and excuse them, just because you want Stolas to be in the right. It’s so distracting how fucking retconned they are, they might as well just have said “Stolas did nothing wrong” in Loo Loo Land if these were the writer’s true colors all along, but since Viv wrote this episode, I’m not surprised.

They hyped Andrealphus up but he gets like….two scenes and doesn’t do much like…lmao. In The Circus, again…they try to make it clear that divorce in the Goetia family is uwu serious, and Stella mentions Andrealphus, implying that he would be upset, or is a threat. When we actually meet him tho, he isn’t even….upset about the divorce? Why did Stella mention him then? What was the point of foreshadowing him and having Stolas say he doesn’t care what he thinks if Andrealphus was just going to be all like “oh you’re getting divorced? Okay, give us money then”- like it’s so fucking underwhelming but we’ll get back to him and Stella later. Also we see that Stolas has a scheduled meeting with Ozzie, implying that he may be trying to get that crystal after all. But…can this show just fucking….stop teasing us with future shit and just do it already? I’m so tired of the show dangling plot threads to come later in our face but they either NEVER come or the execution is underwhelming.

Blitz continues to be the most annoying and unfunny character in the entire show. His jokes and dialogue are a fucking pain to sit through and the scene where he’s trying to announce his appointment and fights with the lady in the waiting room drags and is unneeded. In fact, this whole side plot was unneeded. Viv doesn’t know how to fucking balance this show, she wants episodes to be serious and story driven but have a slice of life filler side plot at the same time and guess what? It doesn’t work or blend well. The constant cut aways are distracting from the main plot and you could have used this premise for a different episode. Loona doesn’t even have any dialogue, you could have at least improved the relationship between her and Blitz or had a moment of her being thankful that he was here and comforting her, appreciating him more….ya know….character development……..something that would have made this side plot actually useful since this is supposed to be a fucking “character driven” show about the relationships between the characters, but no. This side plot existed to pat out the run time and give Blitz and Loona something to do so they’re not just sitting there. As usual Loona does nothing, is useless and only there for the furry porn. The shot of her butt with the needle was 100% on purpose, I can tell.

(Also we’re on season 2 and only now finally get to see an upfront interaction of Imps being treated as the lower class, but it doesn’t do anything. This show tells us instead of showing us, they constantly remind you that imps are at the bottom but Blitz still literally has a good job that pays well and aside from the wrath imps providing food too feed hell, there’s no exploration of how imps having it lower than any other demon species. If anything it seems like Imps and the rest of the Hellborn species are all on the same ranking because Viv can’t storytell.) Also what is with the bleeping? I really don’t get it, it’s not funny and it’s distracting, making scenes awkward.

Predicted it, but Moxxie and Millie were…unneeded in this episode and were only included to fight Striker. These two really are useless when they’re not the focus and you can tell Viv has no idea what to do with them when they’re not. Also…..Viv…..Viv……is Moxxie strong, or not? Make up your fucking mind. In this episode he’s able to get the upper hand against a bigger imp, make him bleed and tie him to the car without an issue, and yet he’s been characterized as weak and not the muscle of the group. Is he strong or not? YAYY MORE CHARACTER INCONSISTENCIES! And glad to know Millie did nothing….as usual. Besides fight.

So Stolas has officially become Angel Dust, and Moxxie is slowly turning into Blitz so that’s great. It’s amazing how there’s barley a difference between the Stolas and Angel tho, he’s just Angel Dust. And Chaz. And Blitz. And every other fucking gay male character Viv writes. The constant cursing, the quick sassy witty banter, the sex jokes of him being tied up, you can tell Viv wrote this with those “harder” jokes between Moxxie and Stolas like…wow, it’s amazing how her gay characters have recycled personalities, aka the Sassy gay twink. Anyway, to me, Stolas before was horny and rabid don’t get me wrong, but something about the way he is in this episode just irks me more. I get that he hates Stella and Striker, but now he just seems like a petty sassy royal bird who acts like a child 24/7…..and it’s unfunny…..and annoying. All these characters are written like fucking children I can’t.

Apparently Striker has a reputation, is wanted around Hell and is well known for being an assassin now??? I thought he was just some Imp who was hired to kill someone? Lmao yet another retcon because if this was the case before, you’d think IMP would have heard of him in Harvest Moon. What’s also retconned is Striker saying he was asked to give Stolas the “full royal treatment”, to torture him I guess but….no? He was hired to shoot Stolas with an angelic gun. Why didn’t he just fucking shoot him. Speaking of that, where is the fucking angelic gun? The IMP gang had it last, and now they don’t have it. Also I already pointed this out but…Stolas can’t recognize Striker despite meeting him in episode 5 upfront. Let’s actually talk about Striker tho. He wasn’t perfect but he certainly was the best part of the episode. I actually applaud Bosco for his voice acting, and the scene with him snapping at the band to leave him alone was the only joke that made me laugh. I didn’t care about Striker that much before but this episode honestly made me did now, ignoring the fact that he’s characterized as egotistical. Problem is tho, like the rest of the antagonists, Stikers kinda just a tool. So he….may or may not be dead, I legit have no idea. If he is dead however….boy oh boy, that would piss me off, because IF he IS dead……then way to go guys, you killed off the only interesting and cool character. 🫠

I expected it, but it’s amazing how everything beforehand regarding him was for nothing if he does turn out dead. The tension he had between him and Moxxie? Would be gone. The fact that he appeared in Blitz’s hallucination, being someone who was similar to Blitz but they used their skills differently yet were the same regarding being mistreated by the upper class? Would be gone. Striker wanting to rebel against the higher class? Gone. Blitz doesn’t even get to interact with him before he dies, for a character that clearly had an impact on him. I was going to applaud this episode for actually being consistent and keeping Striker the same person who despises the upper class for what they do to the lower class, they even imply that he had someone he cares about taken away, but it’s all fucking gone if they KILLED HIM OFF. It all would go nowhere in the end and it pisses me off now because you HAD an interesting character, a villain who contrasted the main character, who had a point and could be humanized, and who rightfully calls out Stolas and his people being the scum of the earth, and now he might be dead because once again, Vivzie is an impatient writer who pushes the story forward too fast before we can even get to know these important characters, and also doesn’t want Stolas to be in a position where he’s in the wrong. Bro was literally eating at a rich place where imps serve you, treats his butler like a stress toy, talks down to Blitz and other imps…he’s not innocent Viv.

(It’s also obvious but this episode suffers from pacing issues, the constant cut aways, and scenes moving by so fast we can’t digest any of it. The FIGHT scene tho? Good god that was a mess, it’s literally faster than Millie’s fight scene from last episode, and the annoying songs playing as we kept cutting to Blitz at the appointment REALLY doesn’t help. I really feel like this studio can’t handle fight scenes….at all, or knows how they work. The video literally gets fucking blurry at one point like what the FUCK LMAO…..either hire someone who knows how to animate action scenes or don’t do action scenes at all.)

I knew Stella was still going to be one note, so I wasn’t surprised, but honestly what did piss me off is how stupid they make her. She was inconsistent before but now she’s just an idiot, because apparently she needed to be TOLD that once Stolas dies, everything goes to Octavia. Like are you kidding me? She’s so dumb that she needed to be told that?? She doesn’t even respond when Andre mentions Via, lmao her whole character really is “me hate Stolas and me want him dead” and nothing else. I’ll give the episode this, even though we barley got to see Andre, he wasn’t insufferable like I thought he would be, in fact, he’s more tolerable than Stella and Stolas combined since he’s the one who’s annoyed at their bickering and calls Stella out for being dumb, but that’s not a writing flex. Andre clearly seems to be the smart mastermind leading Stella now, I have no idea wether if they’ll later make her sympathetic and paint Andre out to be the baddie leading her, or not, it would be bad writing either way tho. Speaking of that….the way Andre treats Stella is off, and I don’t mean in the way that he could be evil. Like other critic blogs have been saying, he calls her attractive, a minx, and a vixen, all words you….wouldn’t really call your sister. It’s really gross and I’m starting to think the information we’ve been given of these two secretly screwing might be true. Like…if we’re doing straight up incest, I’m ganna hurl.

Andre also is all like “if we keep him alive, we’ll have more opportunities, let’s wait till we can get the upper hand”- and I’m…..what? You HAD the upper hand, that’s number one, and number two, this dialogue is VERY vague and makes me feel like Viv had no idea what exactly Andre’s end goal is here, so she used this dialogue as an excuse to figure it out later since she doesn’t plan shit ahead. Because what is Andre’s end goal? It’s confusing. Stella wants him dead, but then they’re talking about money and possessions. Andre seems to want to help Stella have Stolas’s estate, but she just wanted him dead because she hates him. Now you’re telling me she wants his estate too? YAY MORE RETCONS AND CONFUSING PLOT HOLES. Guess we’ll have to wait for Viv to figure out their motivations later lol.

Yada yada another retcon, Blitz cares for Uwu Stolas and is a dumbass for acting like he never knew Stolas could get hurt despite having a fucking angelic weapon on him and learning royals could be in danger in the last season, moving on-

So we’re finally at the end, the most important scene, the text scene. For starters, just like the other critic blogs have been saying……Ozzie’s finally……FINALLY gets brought up again and acknowledged, and it’s over a fucking blink and you’ll miss it half- assed text message. Like….WOW Viv, way to scrape the bottom of the barrel and confront this in the most underwhelming way possible. Would have been actually impactful and better if we saw this go down on fucking screen and have Blitz and Stolas address this in person, but nah let’s just have it happen off screen because storytelling and Viv? They don’t know each other!

But putting that aside, I want to talk about two important problems I had with this scene, because nobody is talking about how these messages make no goddamn sense. So if you actually read the messages between Blitz and Stolas, I hate how Stolas is characterized here, and I don’t mean how he’s suddenly acting like he always cared about Blitz because that’s been a problem since Ozzie’s, I’m talking about how oblivious and emotionally clingy he is. Like…seriously these text messages are a fucking mess. He suddenly acts clueless to how Blitz feels, wondering if he was upset or not, as if Blitz didn’t fucking tell him exactly why afterwards. Fuck you mean by “you just took off?”- I’m sorry Viv, did you forget the scene where Blitz drove Stolas home that night and called him out on his bullshit, saying all he did was treat him like a plaything? Because yeah, Ozzie’s may have finally been fucking mentioned in this show, but now it’s retconned AGAIN because apparently Stolas is a dumbass and can’t remember why Blitz was mad at him in the first place when he had spelled it out loud and clear. Stolas’s text messages make it out to be like they left the restaurant after Ozzie’s taunting and the scene with them at Stolas’s house never happened. Then Stolas is saying shit like “okay well phew glad you’re not upset then Ozzie is a kidder lol I didn’t mind the jabs he makes at me”- I…..WHAT??? What the fuck is going on? Why is Stolas written differently here? Why is the events of Ozzie’s written differently now? Stolas was literally embarrassed by Ozzie calling him out and hid in his menu, much to Blitz’s dismay. They then leave, Stolas can obviously tell Blitz is upset, and when he tries to reach to him gently, Blitz shuts him out, causing Stolas to cry alone. This episode is apparently now acting like their quarrel never happened because the dialogue is written as if they’re referring to Ozzie’s torment, not Blitz calling him out. This legit pisses me off because the show is once again telling us what we saw didn’t happen and rewriting it to fool us. Making Stolas out to be some vulnerable softie who cares about Blitz’s well being too—

And finally, Viv does what she does best by wanting to make you ship Blitz and Stolas together SO badly, but accidentally contradict herself by showing even MORE proof on why these two aren’t good for each other. Putting all the retconning aside, in this case it’s that…surprise surprise, Blitz is constantly miserable and unhappy around Stolas, or whenever they interact. And it’s not even that Blitz can’t communicate, or sucks at emotions, he just doesn’t fucking LIKE Stolas, and I don’t understand how many times the show is going pin that nail on the head until something actually happens, because this scene would have been more impactful if we weren’t already HERE before. Remember The Circus Viv? Stolas going through his Instagram and noticing Blitz was miserable all the time, and reflecting on how their relationship was a figment of his imagination? This scene is the same, it’s just done through text messages now. Why are we doing this again. And I don’t get what Viv’s end goal is here. Is she trying to make Stolas realize that Blitz never gave a shit about him (because we’re on season two and this bird brain can’t take a hint) or is she trying to make Stolas go “I thought he didn’t care but omg he texted me “get well soon” he DOES love me!” Yeah…probably the last option. This ship sucks. If anything…..why can’t Blitz and Stolas just be fucking friends? You wanna say they care about each other? Fine. But romantically, it just doesn’t work. They aren’t good for each other, and function better as friends, but GOD forbid, we can’t have that because they do the dirty in bed SO IT CAN’T BE PLATONIC, it must be romantic! I was literally right, this ship gets worse and worse every passing episode and Viv wants you to ship it so hard despite the fact that she STILL hasn’t given me ONE good reason why they should be a couple. End of story.

So that pretty much it. This episode was nowhere near has bad as the previous three, it’s the most tolerable, but still heavily flawed in the writing department. The dialogue still lacks nuance and sounds like an edgy 12 year old wrote it, the world is still empty, pacing was off, the animation was off too at times, the constant sex jokes during serious scenes are distracting and take away from what’s going on, the side plot didn’t need to happen, there’s also SCENES that didn’t need to happen, there are multiple retcons and empty plot holes/threads, and Viv once again can’t write a complex serious gay couple. She just doesn’t have the writing chops for it, especially since she keeps rewriting aspects and flip flopping between who is the worse lover and who isn’t. I’ll talk more about this episode later, you know how I rant a lot lol. Tomorrow I’ll be finally answering inbox questions too! If you managed to read my endless rant essay, I thank you! See you soon!

[jinx66]

once upon a timeline

okay so i've been obsessed with ouat recently with my rewatch and i was looking into Henry's weird ass family tree and oh my god i need to put this out there because why.

for starters i've only included big plot points or villains and main characters etc so none of the side plots but also i've realised how weird some of the age gaps are.

oh yeah also ouat likes to fuck with their timelines and historical context so i have gone with the basic dates that make sense based on what the characters in the show actually say.

the dates are what they would be in the real world not in ouat logic.

pre-main timeline

Ancient Greece - zeus and hades happen (season 6)

ancient greece but later - orpheus and Euridice and pandora's box happen

between 400-500AD - the Holy Grail and Merlin and Nimue

1650's-1660's - Mother Gothel leaves the new land without magic

1770- Malcolm is Born

1804- Rumplestiltskin is born, Malcolm is 34

1808- Rumple is abandoned, Peter Pan becomes a fae trickster tumblr meme

1845- Baelfire is born, Rumple is 41

1859- Bae arrives in england, Rumple is 55

1947- Zelena is born and abandoned

1948- Cora and Rumple have their weird affair

1949- Regina is born

1955- Snow White is born

1973- Regina sends the huntsman after snow, Snow is 18, Regina is 24

23/3/1977 - Neal (Bae) chooses this as his fake birthday

22/10/1983 - Emma is born, the curse is cast

1991 - Neal escapes neverland and comes back to the land without magic

15/8/2001 - Henry is born, Emma is 18, Neal Cassidy is 24

22/10/2011 - Emma arrives in Storybrooke

13/5/2012 - The curse is broken.

so some of the dates are based on when episodes aired and things such as when the curse breaks and when emma arrives in storybrooke. other dates are based on easter eggs in the show like Neal's birthday. so i realised that Neal had to have landed back in the real world in 1991 because he was 14 when he got to neverland and obviously didn't age so working backwards those dates make sense.

however... emma was 17 when she got pregnant with henry and at best Neal is 24 but at worst he's 156 years old! i mean what the fuck. and he has to be that old because he tells Emma that technically "I should be a couple hundred by now" (2,15). so at the oldest he can be with Neal's Once upon a time maths education the earliest he can be born is 1845 because big ben isn't built until 1859 which is the absolute earliest that he can be in old england.

the rest of the dates i managed from working backwards from when the curse was broken and cast and from small things the characters say. In the first episode of season 2, Emma says that her and Mary Margaret were the same age which means that the 10 year war she has with regina that ended with the curse started when she was 18.

so what i've found from this is that Henry's family tree back to his paternal great grandad literally spans hundreds of years. the average life span for these fuckers is about 100. basically they're a family of elves and you can't convince me otherwise.

[chalterdh22]

Day 2: Tommy and Joel Miller in "Chase" for Tickletober2024

Summary:  I loved these brothers!  This takes place right after Season 1 when they return to Tommy’s.  They get some time to relax, play some board games, tell stories and just enjoy each other’s company.  While telling stories, Ellie wants to know more about her savior, Joel, and she finds out what he’s “scared” of.

Warnings: This is a tickle fic, so if that’s not your thing, don’t read.  Some swearing.  All fluff.  Ler: M/F Lee: M

Ellie, Joel and Tommy were hanging out one evening, just telling old stories about life before the infected.  Ellie was eating all this up, because she was never a part of that world.  So, she just kept asking more and more questions.

“So, wait, are you telling me that people used to run for fun, like a lot?”  Ellie asked.

“Yeah, kid.  They ran marathons, which was ‘bout 26 miles I think.”  Joel answered, sipping on a beer, leaning back on the couch.

“Did you run that much?” she asked Joel.

“Hell no, he didn’t run that much.  He never ran at all come to think of it!”  Tommy answered for Joel, smiling, drinking his own beer.

“What, why?”

“Well, for starters, we didn’t have to run for our lives every other day.  Second, I just hated running, but did it if I had to.”  Joel explained.

Tommy looked over weirdly at Joel.  “When did you have to run?”  Joel shrugged and both took another sip.

It got quiet, as Ellie just stared at both of them.

Then Tommy chuckled to himself.

“What?”  Ellie asked, waiting for another great story.

“Nothing really.  I just remembered a time when my big bro ran is all.”

“When the hell was that?”  Joel asked, squinting his eyes, looking back at Tommy.

Tommy put down his beer on the table and leaned in for effect.  “Well, Ellie, what you didn’t know is that, ole Joel here was scared of a specific monster when he was about your age!”  Joel looked at him confused.

“What monster, like a wolf or something?”

“Nah, nothing like that.”  He paused, looked at Joel still with a smile on his face, while Joel stared confused and alert.  He knew something was up.  “Come here.”  Tommy order Ellie, who leaned in and whispered something in her ear.

“No, fuckin way!  A tickle monster???”  Ellie yelled and Joel spit out a little bit of beer as he coughed.

“Dammit Tommy, look what you made me do.”  He yelled back, looking down at his shirt at the mess he made.  “We were kids then, Ellie’s age or younger, ya idiot.”  Joel explained, wiping his shirt.

Tommy was laughing softly to himself.  Their uncles would always mess with them and chase them down and tickle them til they give up.  But in Miller boy fashion, it took some convincing.

“I didn’t know you were ticklish Joel!”  Ellie exclaimed.

“I’m not anymore, ya hear!  I grew out of that shit!”  Joel snapped back.

“Suuure you did.”  Ellie replied rolling her eyes.  It then got quiet again, but not in a good way.  Both Ellie and Tommy were staring straight at Joel, grinning ear to ear.  Joel was shifting in his seat, trying to play it cool, but it didn’t work.

“What’s wrong big brother?”  Joel didn’t answer, he just squinted back at Tommy.  Tommy started scooting on the couch towards Joel and Ellie did the same.

“Don’t….. you……….dare……” Joel breathed sternly.

“What?  I thought nothing ever bother ya!  Was that all talk?” Ellie asked sweetly, with a glimmer of mischief in her eyes.  Joel didn’t respond to her.  Instead, he stood up fast but Tommy was quicker, as he was younger and had more spring in his step. 

Tommy gave Joel a big bear hug from behind, scooped his arms with his and fell backward on the couch, taking Joel with him. 

“What the fuck ya doin, ya shit?  Let go!”  Joel was struggling, but he was in a weird position, his armed were fastened into Tommy’s and he was partially drunk.

“Well, well.  Look what we have here!”  Ellie said in a cowgirl like accent.  “Looks like we caught ourselves a thief stealing the cattle, old Tom.  What should we do about it?”  She now was sitting on Joel’s thighs with both her legs on each side of him.  Joel was sweating something fierce, but a smile crack of smile was starting to form.

“Well, punishment in the form of ticklin should do it!  Start with them hips!”  Tommy played back in his southern voice.

“Ellie, doooooooo’nt!”  Too late.  The girl dug her small hands into each hip and squeezed hard.  Joel’s body seem to go airborne and almost bucked her off, but she held tight.  “Naaaaaaaah, shiiiiiiiiittttt!”

“Damn, you weren’t lying Tommy!  Holy shit!”  she kept kneading her fingers, deep in his hip crevasses as he was trying to slide off the couch, holding in his laughter.

“Try his sides now!”  Tommy responded back, holding his arms tight.

“Yes sir” she said with an exaggerated salute.

“Nooooooowwwww iffffff youuuuuu doooonnnn’t sttttttoooppppp, IIIII’lllll kiiiillllll yaaaaaaaaaaa boooththhhhhhhh!!!!”  Joel gasped out as Ellie was poking every rib she could find under his thick flannel shirt.  She was rubbing each rib as it was being cleaned or something.  Everytime he’d yelp or jump, she rub that one a little longer.

“Shut up!”  Ellie yelled back, then she dove for the kill right up to his arm pits!

“Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!   Ssssssssssssssstttttttttooopppppppppppp, puuuuuuuuuuuulleeeeease!!!!  Naahhahahaa……Aghhhhhhh!”  Joel started gasping at this point, into a coughing fit.  The cough turned to wheezing and more gasping so Tommy released him.

Rolling off the couch onto the ground, Ellie pulled her hands back and stood over her strong defender, the one that did the impossible and more, all in a pile of a giggly mess.

“This is great!  You better laugh at my jokes from now on or I’ll sick the tickle monster on you!”  Ellie yelled down at Joel, wiggling her fingers. Joel was still laughing phantom laughs but was able to breathe again.  He had a red face and tears in his eyes.  His arm went up to cover his eyes and was shaking his head.

“So, big brother, what were you sayin earlier about not bein ticklish anymore?”  Tommy asked, crouched over Joel, smiling.

“You’re dead!”  Joel whispered.  At that moment, Ellie laughed, jumped up fast and ran out the door.  He wouldn’t chase her after all his energy was drained so she had a chance.

Tommy stood up and walked out into the kitchen. 

“You better not ever sleep again, baby brother!”  Joel threated to Tommy.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.  Just go get the kid.”

“Oh, I will later.”  Joel said sitting upright now.  “I need a drink first.”

The end.

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Animated Episodes of 2024

Happy New Year You happy people! For those new to this blog or finding it for the first time, each year I do a list of the best episodes of cartoons i've watched that year. I do episodes as my short attention span means I finish maybe 20 if i'm lucky, so a top 12 list feels a bit more hollow. So starting in 2020 I started covering the top 20 episodes of animation, to celebrate the highest highs each year in my faviorite industry in a fun way. As i've turned away from covering shows as they've come out, it's also a way to check in on the various shows this year I haven't gotten to cover yet, and is something I look forward to every year and i'm delighted to have you all aboard.

So how this works: each year I normally took 5 episodes of each show i'd watched, narrowed them down and eventually sorted out the top 20. This year I slimmed things down: Top 12 instead of 20, 3 episodes per show, ready, FIGHT. This is so I could fit the whole shebang into one post and hopefully do a best film list, more convient for me and you.

Before we get to the good stuff though, let's talk about this year in tv animation. It was the best of times it was the blurst of times.

Let's get the bad out of the way first: Warner Bros Discovery continued to downplay animation: Jellystone and Tiny Toon Adventures Looniversity got no promotion and a halloween special for the latter never materalized despite being promoted. It's sadly likely neither show will make it past their current season. It's buisnes as usual but it gets no less tiring and i'm greatful I hae a friend with a server for all the shows they dump as I get the feeling he's gonna have to add two more next year.

What's new is that WBD has all but killed Cartoon Network. While the Network still TECHNICALLY exists, most of it's originals have either endd or are winding down, with Craig of the Creek's finale delayed to this year just cuz and Invincible Fight Girl moved to adult swim. It's clear what was once a pillar of my childhood is being stripped for parts, with any sequels coming to max, itself sinking rapidly into the earth after Zaslav sold it's foundation to buy a cool watch he found on the internet.

Somehow worse was Disney. Oh fucking boy disney. I've talked about this a few times this year but to recap: Disney has peaked in homophobia and transphobia this year, firing X-Men 97 showrunner Beau Demayo for being openly gay and not just rubber stamping things for them but wanting to write actually challenging content, overworking the staff of Inside Out 2 while making them tone down Riley's crush on her hockey captain , including aging the character up because they GENUINELY assume lightyear failed because it had lesbians in it

Shelving a trans focused episode of moon girl and devil dinosaur, and shelving a trans storyline in upcoming show win or loose. Disney had already proved with owl house they weren't an ally but this year proved the company is DEEPLY homo and transphobic and deeply stupid, scrapping finished content just to appease a few bigots. I may still watch their shows as the creators had no part in this (and as seen with X-Men 97, MGADD and Win or Loose, were trying badly to do something good and got punished for it), but my opinon of the company is at an all time low. And given they supported the don't say gay bill, shot next to a concentration camp and other horrors, that's saying a LOT.

Animation in genreal faces an uncertain future with shows being shelved, and the animation guild having to fight tooth and nail to get better contracts, with the specter of ai being a deep exestential threat.

Thankfully there is some light in these dark times. For starters the Animation Guild successfuly reneigoated their contracts with more residuals, protections and protections from Ai. And content wise animation seems to be in one of it's best years. 2023 is a hard one to beat but 2024 certainly tried.

We had some all time great premeires as the superhero boom that's currently in crisis in theaters reached i'ts peak in animation: In addition to the returns of Invincible, Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur and My Adventures with Superman (Apologizes for missing that one), we had the premeries of the delightfully noir and mature Batman Caped Crusader , the solid and fun Creature Commandos that proves the DCU's commitment to animation and the kickass and thought provoking X-Men 97, a series that did my boy Scotty justice after far too long. In a year when superhero content is dry as a bone theatrically with only Deadpool and Wolverine as a drop in that desert, it was nice to see Superhero Animation back with a vengance and with Spider-Man next year and Invincible Season 3 airing in one piece around the same time

Outside of superheroes we got Fairly Odd Parents a New Wish, Jentry Chau Vs the Underworld and Invincible Fight Girl.. all shows I didn't get to but not for a lack of intrest and intend to rectify that this year. I did get to Hazbin Hotel, which after a long wait finally opened it's doors to a solid first season with a god tier cast and soundtrack. I mean giving me more keith david singing is more than enough but damn this show brought it.

Also making it's grand return was Total Drama, a show I missed and that thankfully returned better than ever... in the US anyway. Everywhere else got it last year or earlier and both seasons of this reboot. Still it's an excellent reboot and while it didn't make this list, it was a great return to form after two terrible seasons and a long hiatus to make canadian muppet babies.

There were many great returns: Helluva Boss delivered a solid arc that flipped up the status quo and gave us three stone cold classics and... uh the other two. Vox Machina had some amazing moments as the chroma conclace conflict concluded, Jellystone and Great North delivered the greatest seasons of their runs, the former giving us the return of an american hero. All hail brak! Simpsons gave me a season that's kept me tuning in more than not and continues it's renissance while Bobs Burgers continued it's own.

2024 despite all the strife and terrible shit, was a fantastic year for animation, a year where despite every company devaluing the practice and being a dick, it soared higher. While I may be worn out with how companies treat animation and the political landscape, ther'es some refuge in how GOOD animation is and how it only has higher to climb next year. So let's celebrate these highest highs under the cut shall we?

12. The Gatekeeper (Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, S2-E0) "How many doors do I have to break through before they stop locking me out?"

I've reviewed this episode in full shortly after it's leak so i'll be brief:The Gatekeeper is a masterpiece. It's not subtle but given it comes from a company that shelved the episode because they "want parents to have conversations about these topics when their ready" forgetting that some parents are bigots who will never be ready for that conversation, it dosen't need to be. It's a beautiful story about how you don't need to take the weight of the world's bigotry on your own, how being YOU, trans, nonbinary, queer, is okay and your not burdening your friends by letting them into your fight to be you. It's also shockingly funny for an episode with this heavy an a-plot, with Casey trying to stall desperately. Leading to this beautiful moment

The Gatekeeper is only this low because the escape room stuff, which is a not sizeable chunk of the episode isn't super engaging, not helped by deadly escape room plots being kinda common these days. It's salvaged by it's metaphor at least: that transphobes and other bigots will just keep moving the goal post so fucking break it over your knee. This episdoe is excellent and I encourage you to find it in the depths of the internet. Disney MIGHT air it, if nothing else than for the backlash, but since we really CAN'T count on disney for shit when it comes to queer issues, it's going here. If you want a more in depth dive into this episode, lookee here

11. Apology Tour (Helluva Boss S2, Episode 9)

"I don't think you meant to hurt me, cause I don't think it meant a thing at all"

Helluva Boss finally finished season 2 this year.. and I finally finished season 2 around the same time as Sinsmas as I'd sat on the show for too long. My depression's been peaking this year

So I shoved the show aside. I regret that as season 2b is for the most part excellent and the decision to wait a while and release the episodes more consitantly was a smart one: it not only gave Helluva some space from it's little big sibling's big debut, but it meant while the episodes still had a long weight they weren't left to be picked apart for months. Mostly a month.

The first half of the season was good, but had issues: sloppy pacing, the series worst episode, not really following up on the bombshell ending of season 1 from Blitzo's perspective, it was good.. but the cracks were setting in. And while some still remain in this batch, it's damn strong helped by an arc tha'ts been built up all series: Blitzo, the o is silent, everyone's faviorite dumpster fire imp murder machine and Stolas, everyone's faviorite disaster gay prince who thinks like a romance novel splitting up. Break up is a bit strong given the transactional sex nature, but it's a bomb that was in wait: Blitzo has a bad habit of pushing anyone who cares about hi m away and Stolas really never got to actually KNOW Blitzo as a person, seeing him as a way out of his awful marriage and an idealized prince and not an actual person whose a bit fucked up nor. With Neither adressing their actually problems, an explosion was ineveitble.

Hence Apology Tour, the fallout of the explosion after Stolas attempt at a three point grand romantic gesture brought out the dick in blitz, who couldn't fathom someone being nice, lashed out and not understanding why Blitzo thought so little of him , Stolas slammed the door in the fancy magic man way rather than actually talk about it.

Full Moon has a great ending and the blitzo subplot is graet.. but it wasted a lot of time with those two assfaces and collin. Apology Tour thankfully more than makes up for it, a character piece focusing on both men as they deal with the breakup poorly: Stolas tries to just keep distance, while Blitzo shows up, tries to get sex to prove he's worth something to his inferority complex and screams at Stolas for being gay. Blitz WANTS to make up for things.. but is so determined to not actually talk about his feelings he's at peak asshole.

So when Stolas actually cuts deep, asking if Blitz is even CAPABLE of apologizing, Blitzo does what he tends to do: be a dick in a showy way just to get back at someone instead of engaging why their pissed at him. The montage of him apologizing to his enmies is fun, that martha ms mayberry thing needs more shading in in season 3... like just a short or something to establish what the fuck is going on there.

The episodes heart though is an I Hate Blitzo party Verosika throws. The queen is back, looking fine and getting some depth: while she was a full on antagonist in her first apperance and there to make a bad day worse in her second, here we see some humanity from everyone's faviorite succubus: she geninely tries to comfort Stolas who feels miserable, wasting his one night of the year pass to earth on a party where everyone wallows in their hatred of Blitzo an ex that Stolas makes clear he's not over. Verosika is TRYING to geninely help, but can't grasp that the poor bird is still in mourning over what he thought he had and stabbing a cake in the dick isn't helping.

What helps is the episodes best segment and the second best song of the season, possibly even best Two Minute's Notice is just.. heavy competition. All 4 U is Bryce Pinkham's finest performance: while "You'll be Okay" showed off his pipes back in episode 2, All 4 U is a raw song, a indie rock guitar ballad where Stolas lays out his pain: how he realizes now Stolas is both a motherfucker (As Verosika and Vortex helpfully chime on chorus) and how he never actually meant to hurt him.. because their relationship meant nothing. It's a painful beautiful song.. and also dosne't asauge Stolas of his own guilt. While Verosika and Vortex TRY to blame it all on Blitz, Stolas is PAINFULLY aware he fucked up. Surrounded by memories of EVERY time he's clearly realized Blitz.. was never into this and he tried too hard: all the times he demeaned him without meaning too nad hurt him... he gets the rejection wasn't all on Blitz. Blitz is an asshole, easily, but Stolas is in pain partly because he KNOWS he did it and partly because he still WANTS him. He can't STOP wanting him. And it hurts.. and Blitz hurts realizing he was a bad person.

It leads to the second best scene of the episode as Blitz comforts Stolas, whose too drunk to put up a fuss but unloads.. and we get my faviorite exchange. A truly painful one that outlines why this didn't work. " I want to be someone's someone! I want to feel wanted, in a romantic way! Like, I'm standing in the rain at a train station and someone runs up shouting "HARRIET! DON'T GO ON THAT TRAIN! IT'S GOING TO LONDON AND I CANNOT BE WITHOUT YOU!" " "Oh Stolas.. that' sa romcom"

I've been where Stolas is, that need for someone , to fill the void inside.. not getting that won't help you get BETTER. And Blitz realizes that.. and realizes what it did mean, geninely trying to apologize.

The talk with verosika is no slouch, with Blitz trying to ocne again put up walls. We even get a nice rebuke of the whole "Well of course their assholes their in hell" argument that gets flung around. When Blitz tries that Verosika rebuffs it and reveals to us why she's so hung up on him: She said I love you and he ran three rings to wrath and maxed out her credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons. It confronts Blitz with the fact that while he belivies he's unloveable.. he's not.. and the number of people he's hurt proves it. He wants to be better.. but he dosen't know how. he's patched things up with one ex.. but his other seems to be moving on. That last part whent nowhere.. but there's still that pain realizing he ALMOST had something, and his own nerousis fucked it up. For now anyway but we'll get to that

10. Remember It (X-Men 97, S1 Episode 5) "The Names Gambit Mon Ami.... Remember It"

Since it aired it's felt like Remember It making this list was ineveitble. It's the episode that took X-Men 97 from a fantastic show, to the best x-men show of all time. An episode that deftly and perfectly adapts one of the defining moments of the comics, the massacre of genosha, with it's own style and flair, broke our hearts with Gambit's tragic end and got nominated for an emmy with it's creator barred from them because Disney would rather frame a man for misconduct than let him get his flowers and the Emmy were just.. okay with this.

Grumbling aside Remember It is a masterpiece and one of the best wham episodes i've ever seen. For those as not terminally on tv tropes as I am a Wham Episode is an episode of tv that changes the show fundemntally or promises to, with a shocking reveal or a big plot twist or what have you.

This episodes secret sauce though is hiding that fact. It sneak attacks you as the first half is a pretty standard plot following up on things from the season: Cyclops continuing his relationship with Maddy, the clone of Jean despite still being married to jean and her less than happy reaction to their psychic affair, Jean trying to come onto Logan, and of course more of the magneto-rouge-gambit love triangle.

Yeahhh the reason this is so low is the Magneto-Rogue-Gambit Love triangle sucks. I went deep into why in my review of 97 Season 1, but the short version: it makes Magneto into a groomer as while Rogue is an adult in her 20's, he's still old enough to be her foxy grandpa and still manipulates her and in present day, his method of wooing her is making her queen of a foreign nation without asking. In a show that has easily the best Magneto in animation, i't sa blotch. It's intended to make him human and put rogue's desire for sexy time against her connection with remy. It's a good idea but the excution is just baffling and brings this episode down a peg.

What keeps it on this list is it's good parts The first is scott motherfucking summer in his most accurate adaptation yet, a capable leader and world class badass whose an emotinally stunted mess, laying out why mutant lives arne't NORMAL in a rant.

The biggun of course.. is the bait and switch. In a moment we go from Maddie, Jean's clone long story watch the show, going outside to get a breather.. to her son Nathan running up as full cable begging to save her before being yanked away.. and then Maddie dies. And a lot of others with her.

In a moment reflecting showrunner Beau DeMayo's experinces with the pulse night club shooting and 9/11, we're at the ground floor of a horrifying massacre. The orignal in New X-Men was horrific in how FAST it was. In minutes millions of mutants were dead, the x-men could do nothing in time, and the world changed. Here we're on the ground: three x-men are present along with some of the most powerful mutants in existance.. and they still can do nothing. Magneto whips the monsterous sentinel responsible with a motherfucking train, uses all of his power.. and only dosen't end up dead because the big bad wanted him alive. Rogue, easily one of the strongest x-men and a brick house tha'ts mighty mighty, is swatted aside. Gambit can throw stuff but none can do anything. This sequence is incredible, showing the powerlessness sin such a slaughter and the sheer trauma it puts on someone. It's the kind of event that leaves a bloody mark on history and cannot, SHOULD NOT be forgotten.

And like most massacres against the disinfranchised it only ends in one way.. with more blood. In this case Remy after Rogue FINALLY realized she loved him but never got to say, gets horribly imapled. And graphically. This series does not shy away from violence. And rather than just die he goes out with a quip and making himself an dthe monster he faces blow up real good. The episode ends somberly on Rogue weeping over his death, invoking va lenore zahn's lost of her niece and signaling this series will never be the same. Remember it is fucking brilliant and if you haven't seen x-men 97, please do.

9. The Sign (Bluey S3 Episode 49)

"Am I making a mistake?" "Probably.. but let's make it together" So i'm late the party, but I finally got into Bluey this year, thanks to this very episode. The huge buzz around it's release from fellow animation nerds had me curious so I watched a few that were recommended.. then some more and before I knew it i'd watched most of it's three seasons.

Bluey is a throughly charming show, keenly deserving of it's massive succes. It's a show that's meant for younger viewers, teaches lessons but unlike most shows, it dosen't talk down to young children. it's made in a way adults and older kids can enjoy too, as you can empathize both with the childish wonder of our lead, her sister and thier various friends, relatives and whatever sort of delightful stygian goblin muffin is

And see the adults side. It's a show that somehow covered Bingo imitating any animal she wears a onsie of and the chaos that insues and Chilli's estraingment with her sister who stayed distant because being around her nieces reminded her she can't have children. It's a show that's warm, loving and utterly brilliant.

And given this is me it took me a long time to get to creator Joe Brumm's swan song as I knew it would emotoinally wreck me.. and I was right. The Sign is Bluey's first half hour special, the other episodes being 8 minute shorts all bundled together and while there's an episode after it , it's the proper finale to the season and to Joe Brumm's time as showrunner.

The Sign has been a fully admited test run to see if Bluey could handle a longer story for a movie and even before that movie's recent greenlight, it was clear yes they could. It's helped by picking two massive events in the heeler's life that perfectly mesh together, nicely zigging in and out of each other. It's amazing how well the creators got this episode to just flow, and to keep up a nice array of jokes despite the heavy topics. Bluey's utter joy at getting to ride shotgun and Chilli carefully checking to make sure it's legal (and a police officer doing the same thing later), is such a briliant gag. It also has plenty of muffin, always a plus.

The first is a big downer: Bandit's gotten what he feels is a better job, and is uprooting the family for it. Bingo is oblivous to the reality of the move and Chilli is trying to be supportive leaving Bluey the only one who wants out. We get a truly soulcrushign scene when she tells her friends, them all hugging her and sobbing. Her teacher Calypso tries to cheer her up with a fable, but she misnterprets rolling with life's hardships as "everything will work out which means we'l lescape. "

This rolls nicely into the other big plot: it's the wedding of Frisky, Chilli's best friend since childhood and Rad, Bandit's brother. The two debuted and had their meet cute in my faviorite episode of the series, Double Babysitter. It's one of the first I watched, entirely because I knew it set up this one... and it is glorious. The two were shown on holiday in the christmas episode and here they get married.

And look I love wedding episodes so much kev paid me to make a top 12 wedding episode lists this year, which has one of my faviorite art pieces i've done

So I was an easy sell, doubly so after seeing Double Babysitter. The episode does well with it: the heeler's family is all present, everyone's ready to go.. then Stripe bandit's younger brother does an oopsie and mentions rad plans to have Frisky move with him to near the oil rig without having actually talked this through with her. Rad is thankfully just very bad with people, but this casues Frisky to snap and the resulting argument sends her on the run and declaring the wedding is off.. which is bad for bluey as Frisky was told to remove the 4sale sign and bluey thinks this stops it because she's a children

We then get some fun shenanignas as Chilli has to go chase our runaway bride and while she intends to leave the kids, who want to go for personal reasons or just a ride in the car, they find a perfectly hilaroius reason not to with every kid nearly telling Rad's mom about the disaster because kids have no filter and thus Chilli is sent on an epic quest

What follows is what clinches the episode: after a bunch of shenanigns that are perfectly hilarous, Chilli goes to her and Frisky's old hang out where they used to think.. and also smoke a dooby or twoobie. It's here we get the perfect intersection: part of Chilli's freakout, besides the entirely resonable pissyness over the rad situation is her best friend leaving.. and Chilli finally reveals she DOSEN'T want to leave. Leave her best friend, the house her family has been raised in.. she just wants ot be supportive. And seeing her mom finally be honest gets Bluey to embrace change. And Rad being a good dude whose just a tad awkawrd, can relate, apologizes and decides not to move.

It's this that helps them blend so perfectly: Rad like Bandit is making a rash decision based on what he thinks what's best and has to see the real effect it has. He likely dosen't back out sooner simply because the house is sold. But when the buyers back out to buy winton's dad's house so he and winton can move in with the terriers nad their mum, shoutout to winton, we get our joyous ending as Bandit rips the fucking sign out, and the family all has takeaway.

The Sign is a callback filled wonderland, a truly heartrending episode and a vicotry lap for bluey's best season. It also has Stripe passing out drunk in the bushes next door because Wendy can't make it out of anything unscathed apparently. Hopefully Stripe isn't heading for divorce. Maybe check the sink mate see if hot dogs are there

Okay while we process that ineveitble divorce onto

8. Sinsmas (Helluva Boss S2, Episode 12)

"Have a great fucking life with him dad"

Back to Helluva Boss and to the most recent episode and one of the series best. Admitely this one was an easy sell for me: it's an octavia episode. Loo Land is still one of my faviorites and while Seeing Stars is a mess, the stuff with her and Loona is heartwrenching and adorable. I hope even with what happened here, Loona still mentors her little sis. The fact i've had the little emo ace on the brain as I ship her with Sasha from amphibia probably dosen't help. My crossover ships are weird and numerous and I find this one adorable and the being ace (not aro) adds a nice lair of things and is something I hope the show brings up outside of the pride photo confirming everyone's sexualities, as we need more ace representation in our animation. She could party with Todd

But while I have my bias... this episode is just plain amazing on it's own. While what i've seen of Mastermind is decent, Andy's plan makes no sense and only works because he was working over someone whose kinks are racisim and classim but the status quo change is phenominal: Stolas is now left broke and powerless, while having proven beyond a shadow of a doubt he cares for blitz, while Blitzo, after episodes of dealing with his darkest demons, realizing he dosen't ruin everything (Ghostfuckers barely didn't make the cut), and becoming a better person for a change, caped off by telling the ruler of hell's vice principal to go fuck himself, has rewarded him with fame, adoration and the knowledge his daughter loves him.

But it leaves thing in an intresting place and while I expected to wait between seasons for the fallout, i'm delighed Sinsmas instead bakes in it. With Andrealphus and Stella keeping Octavia from calling her dad because it's how they get off, Stolas is left spinning out, not dealing with his transition to working class life well, not helped by being out of meds. It' sa nice bit of spiraling as while Stolas sacrifcing himself was brave, and the right thing... it was still an impulse decision that he didn't expect to have to live with. Stolas fully expected to die a brave hero saving the love of his life... and instead has to live with the consequences of doing the right thing and the hurt it brings to the only person in his old life he ever really loved.

The good news is Blitz.. is actually in a place for a healthy relationship, and we see the guy at his sweetest: he makes breakfast, realizes maybe eggs were a poor choice, robs clothing stores (which explains his slick wordroebe in the funneist way possible) and catches rats for his sorta boyfriend and tries to calm him down. It's this landing that makes the arc strong for me: After sinking to his lowest.. Blitz is actually trying to change for the better. He's still his weird ass profane as hell self, but he's no longer the sexually harassing bitter hate filled man who assumed the worst of everyone. He's not going to be a ray of sunshine, but it's heartwarming ot see after two seasons of Blitz digging himself deeper, he's TRYING to change. As we've seen with shows like bojack horseman, change is an uphill battle and he'll no doubt have issues.. but it's ncie to see Blitz as something resembling his best self.

And that extends to the titular holiday: while Blitz is working on sinsmas it's not to force his employees to work, but to let them enjoy themselves as sinsmas is about enduging your sin and he already nearly burned down his apartment once while the office is insured. So M and M have some sexy violence (My faviorite bit being her showing up behond a white bord to sock him and his happy awee when she kisses him after) and Loona to gorge herself on snacks, while Stolas gets a job (his oh fuck i'm poor is delightful)

Sadly the team gets a bitch of a client who wants to murder he gay ex for "probably" cheating on her and leave her kids orphans. Blitz only agrees because she sucks but the remidner of his failings leads to Stolas going to see his daughter..... just as Octavia gets a very sad song steeling herself up to be alone, her mom and uncle ignoring her and finding her dad.. was addicted to depression meds just to function and as is her way, blaming herself for her dad's issues and going to give him his pills.

While this sitcom misunderstanding happens, we get another nice show of blitz's character development. once again the target is a happy family.. but this time... Blitz can't do it and dosen't berate Moxxie for it. All he sees is what he COULD have: him, stolas and their daughters all happy, an image that just thinking about it makes me tear up and despite Loona offering and Millie badly wanting to and strangely being unersonable, he can't. He cancels the contract, yeets a karen out a window and then runs into his new step daughter and realizes "oh fuck my boyfriends confronting his ex in law who can kill him"

Granted before Andrealphus can actually try to kill him we get a cathartic as hell face beating. While Andy heals becaues Goetia can do that, it's so damn nice to see Stolas not listen to his ranting and just beat his ass. It's even nicer when even when stolas is kidnapped, the reste of Imp makes a meal of beating his ass down, an eppic winter showdown with Loona suddenly pulling direwolf forms out of her ass, blitzo being a knight complete with lance and Millie ramboing up. I'ts one of the series best fights in a show that's fucking great at them and cumilates in octavia saving her dad, and guests and blackmailing her uncle into not finishing as he was beaten by commoners and all and Stella is not good at keeping secrets unless she's too dumb to realize why their secret.

Yet the parting of father and daughter.. is bitter and painful. Octavia breaks from her dad, convinced the pills were her and having been lied too so much. Yeah the pills thing is a reach.. but her not beliving in her dad.. makles sense. Stolas loves his daughter.. but LOVE isn't the same as being a good parent. He's neglected her due to his marraige falling apart and then the divorce, openly obessed over the man who as far as octavia knows broke up a working marriage instead of a deeply horrible one neither had a choice in. It's the cumilation of Stolas faults biting him in the ass: his inablility to see what others feel, to take the time to take care of them, and putting his fantasy version of reality over what's in front of him , the same things tha tcost him Blitz fo ra time... cost him his daughter. His quiet "she hates me" after is devistating as is the nice montage of everyone getting ready to party as blitzo (who nicely ate coals to warm up), cuddles him. he's jut there, alone utterly devistated.

But in some heartwarming bits.. he's not. Moxxie warmly offers him cookies and I swear once Stolas recovers a bit they'll be best pals. Blitz is gonna hate it :B! At while Loona seemds.. happy having kept the friends from Queen Bee and eager to have everyone join in games.

Millie is less than as we get a pregnancy cliffhanger but it's easy to see why she's overwhelmed: she won't be able to do what she loves, having a kid is expensive and her husband was stripping off his clothes while screaming BANKRUPTCY two episodes ago. Her friend group is not exactly "chill" at the best of times. These panic attacks will be glorious.

But Blitz recognizes Stolas needs him and offers his unconfditonal support ina beautfiul scnee; He hasn't given up reconcling with his siter.. and Stolas dosen't have to give up reconcling with his daughter. she just needs time.. and for now.. they ahve each other and we get a beautful dance as these two pass by being a transactional fucking, a disaster, bitter exes and awkawrd friends... and finally become the couple the series has been buliding too. Will this happiness last? probably not.... but being there for someone is being there for the bat shit too.. and the ending shot, Blitzo hugging stolas while stolas stands there and soaks it in, is proof they can make it. and that season 3's gonna be something special.

7. Hell to Pay (Legend of Vox Machinas S3, Episode 4)

"I’m not even sure you knew you were lying"

Like Helluva Boss, legend of Vox Machina is one of my faviorite shows right now. Not concidentally both are a fixture on this list. I crunched the numbers recently seeing how many spots overall shows got and with this list Vox Machina and Helluva Boss are tied for second with 7 a piece, passing amphibia's 6 and behind Owl House's whopping 10.

Vox Machina's also our reining champ having topped last year's list with Rise of the Chroma Conclave, and it was certainly welcome to try again. And Season 3 brought it: It had some issues, the back half is a big jangly with one big exception we'll get to, but it's still a hilaroius, heartbreaking badass tail of a bunch of misifts thrust into saving the world.

This year took even more liberties with the campaign and one of the biggest success stories from that was Zerxus. Zerxus didn't exist yet when the campaign legend of vox machina was based off of happened, coming instead years later for the spinoff prequel Exandria Unlimited: The Calamity.

For those who haven't gobbled up every bit of critical roll lore they could because their a thirsty bitch like me, The Clamaity is the big event in backstory that shaped this world and barred the gods from it after a war between the nicer ones nad the eviler ones wrecked the world. The Clamity shows HOW that happened as a bunch of misguided high class types who ended up being the players did an oopsie and the apolcalypse happened. I don't know much more as I want to experince this one and hope it gets a movie or mini series some day as Zerxus left a hell of an impression.

Zerxus was a high minded man who loved his family and made the mistake of trying to make a demon god better. We hadn't got to see him in the present day so Legend of Vox Machina ups his roll to let us see it, bringing back his player Luis Carazo. Carazo is one of the two main reasons this ep made the list, as Zerxus is one of the series best vilians thus far and it's hinted he'll be back for the final arc.

Zerxus in the show is the ideal of a demon: cordial, clever, powerful.. and scheming as hell, zeroing in on pike. He has the plate of the dawnmaryr, one of the last vestiges our heroes need and the only one that can properly counter Thordak as he won it in a card game. No really he won it from an immortal dragon who neglected to mention that part when she told our heroes about it. So half the party is in hell. Hell here is a truly horrifying desolate place: people beg for death, the demon designs ar ehorrifyign (even our heroes disguises) and while ther'es some humor there's an overwhelming sense of dread and hoplessness. Our heroes only find Zerxus.. because he figures their looking for him as if you say the devils name enough times he's liable to here it.

It's a bad place to be... and especaily for the focus of this episode, Pike. Pike is the team's cleric and her goddess the everlight warns her against going.. but the team NEEDS this so we see the poor gnome slowly degrade. Her god has abndoned her and her attempt to help someone only gets everyone nearly killed. She's in a place beyond hope, beyond her god, and beyond her usual cheerful give no fuck attidue.

And that's where the episode gets intresting as Zerxus senses that and having understandable issues with his own god, is determined to pull a heretic on her. And unlike Hugh Grant rather than just mansplane and mimic jar jar binks he hammers in on her doubts, on her need to SEEM like she belivies, on every insecurity.. and challenges her to a card game for her soul. Because Yugioh doesn't have a patent on that, she agrees.. and looses as it's also a game of questions and if you lie, even if it's also to yourself, yoru cards burn.

So Pike has to gamble everyone's soul. Thankfully her mothers gone but her friends aren't so lucky, and also aren't able to consent as their stuck in a glass box. At least they have plush chairs up in this bitch. It's a fascinating character study and helps deepen pike: while she had an arc in season 1, mostly to give Ashly Johnson something to do as she was absent for most of that arc in the web show and couldn't be added back in without breaking the arc in half, here they take advantage of her being in the show more by really diving into her and the question of gods: the everlight is her god.. but how much of her belief his her and how much is her god? When is faith leaning too heavily on someone especially someone who isn't some unknowable being but you know.

Zerxus makes a mistake in his attempts to lecture: he gives his backstory: he and his friends did a stupid, wee were over this.. but the part I glossed over and that undoes him is his family: he did this so his husband and son would be safe.. and naturally making a deal with the devil his god removed their memories. So Pike asks a question: do you wish they were here suffering with you. And while he denies it as pike put it in the quote... he was lying to himself. Pike wins and our heroes get the plate. Granted they have to outrun Zerxus pit fiend because he only needs pike for his evil plan..

This episode at it's core is a spectacular game of chance, will and breaking your opnent and I loved every second of it. It's a series high point for Ashley Johnson and I can't wait to see where this goes next season.

6. ...And Be A Villain (Batman: Caped Crusader S1 Episode 2)

"I don't believe your performance. Your chewing on scenery to enhance weak characterization. It's insincere Basil, it's not real"

So Batman Caped Crusader fucks.

Caped Crusader is a glorious noir return to tv animation for batman after a long nap after they screwed over beware the batman and brave and the bold. While Paul Dini is back, he alongside fellow batman legend and catwoman's real dad Ed Brubaker, do something different, a slightly darker world set in a more socially open 1940's where he can have the government be corrupt from the top down without networks whining "the government can't be corrupt! Children need to have faith in the government!"

So we get a gotham where a few honest people are the only one's fighting against a corrupt system, and while batman can put away the varoius freaks of the weak, it's going to be harder cutting out the cancer at the center alone.

Yet while this is a darker take it refeshingly dosen't stick to just a grim grounded tone as much of batman does in adaptations. While I love Matt Reeves the Batman, it's nice to have variety and while Caped Crusader is a bleak work at times, it remembers to have fun and that while batman's dark.. he can also be camp. The first episode has penguin as a female (and awesome) crime boss who will kill her own children if necessary, she also has a giant umbrella shaped canon on top of her umbrella shaped dockside yacht as her main weapon. The third episode has a catwoman who rather than the complex thief I prefer, is a spoiled socialite who steals batman's bit to fund her lifestyle and army of cats. We get outright supernatural villians with the racist and classist gentleman ghosts and the tragically selfish vampire child nocturna. There's an overaching story.. but the show also gleefully embraces being episodic ala BTAS: while every episode contributes something to the larger arc, each one stands alone beautifully allowing for the sharp character focus of BTAS while still bringing something diffrent to the table.

That brings us to this episode, my faviorite to watch out of the season. We'll get to my overall faviorite but while that episode is a hard but awesome watch due to it's ending, this one is just good damn fun with a clever mystery and nice character building.

In this case the focus is on Renee Montoya, who eats good this series, probably helped that the man who redefined her in Gotham Central and 52, Ed Brubaker, was head writer for season one and wrote this episode. Also as my fellow reviewer Serum Lake has said if you like this show, read Gotham Central. It's a police procedural from the view of the GCPD's honest cops and it's damn good. Batman isn't an active character but more a presence and it's a brilliant series.

Here Renee is one of the only honest cops as usual for this franchise, having been recently promoted by Gordon and is resented by other cops because well.. she's a woman, and they see her as having gotten the position on that and not the fact she actually does her fucking job and dosen't take bribes. Which should be the bare minimum for a cop but wether your in gotham or real life, apparently isn't.

While Batman's around this episode, he nicely sinks into the background: Renee's the one doing the leg work and like most white men Bruce is content to leech off the work of a succesful person of color. I'm not even Kidding.. mostly. He's not asking for help because this batman is at a stage where he refuses help and calls his dad "Pennyworth" he's not exactly okay and the series isn't treating this like "okay", just a pramatic step so batman dosen't have to do the same work someone just as good at detectiving is twice, nor doe she want her credit. He just wants the same thing she does: the case solved.

The case revolves around the murder of a starlet, and soon wraps into one Basil Karlo, a vetrain actor who plays "the heavy", the bad guy, and badly wanted to be dramatic but with his face couldn't get the part. So as you can probably guess, he decides to kill for it, a nice nod to his first apperance. This clayface isn't a nigh unstoppable monster, but a thorughly human one: a man who desperate for his co stars love and the public's praise, took a shady chemical from a back alley doctor and become a malformed lump of a man.. but one who could remold his face.. Yet he still got rejected.. not because of his face.. but because Yvonne, his costar, simply was never intrested.

So rather than accept this, Basil decides to instead accept he is the villian and we get a thriling story buildling up to that reveal as he imitates several people: he can't turn his body into a weapon like modern clayface, but he can make his face whatever. Basil is a fantastic villian, and not just because he and batman fucking swordfight, which is as dope as it sounds. He's a man who felt rejected by society.. but in reality simply was an entitled bastard who while tragic to an extent ,focused on the wrong things. While it's in a very 40's context it's hard not to parallel basil with the various incels littered aroudn the internet: an angry man who blames his self loathing and issues on everyone else. Basil is a fun ham but as Yvonne puts out his actual satisfactoin with being the bad guy.. is artifice. He's a bitter person who can't accept life sucked for him but he still had a pretty good one.

It's fitting the person solving his case is a woman and hte person beating his face in is someone whose also not handling his trauma well.. but ultimately wants to help people. Batman may be rougher, colder here.. but he's doing this to save people and Renee can see that. Despite the odds against her she solves the case, and gets the credit.. kinda. I mean corrupt assholes Bullock and Flass tease her about batman but given he kicks their ass next episode what goes around comes around. More on them later. For now Renee has a new ally and basil can be the bell of the prison's production of pirates of pinsance.

This episode has wonderful atmosphere, a real theatrical quality> While I haven't watched a ton of 1940s films, this really has that feel just a good noir with a nice new take on an old favorite that harkens back to his earliest appearances. Basil might not show up again, at least not next season but man.. what a performance.

5. Gwimbly: Definitive Remastered Enhanced Extended Edition DX 4K (Anniversary Director's Cut) (Smiling Friends S2 Episode 1)

"I Swear to god if I had my Gwimbly gun on me right now man i'd.."

After a year off Smiling Friends came back and better than ever. Well mostly, still not pleased about having Doug Walker cameo after his tommy wiseau level bullshit as a director and general ambivalence to the mistreatment of the rest of Channel Awesome, but that's a rant for another day.

Still i'm not going to hold it against Gwimbly: Not typing out all those subtitles had to copy paste it in the first place. It was the showcase that smiling friends was not only back but had improved: with a bigger budget Hadel and Cusak took things to new heights and came out of the gate with an ambitious bonkers idea: what if our heroes helped a homeless ps1/n64 either collectathon mascot abandoned by time and his company get his groove back. Well Pim's trying Alan just wants to spray him with dirty brown water.

Gwimbly arrives in all his polygonal and prolapsed anus glory, with Pim determined to help his friend and Alan only doing it to get a homeless man off his lawn. Alan is.. a bit of a prick this season and it's hilarious. The creators clearly realized fans loved the guy and his potetial and rather than do what I assumed, fuck with that expectation, they instead make Alan a part of more plots and his dry, not giving a fuck nature makes for comedy gold, paticuarlly his spotlight which missed the list but can HANG out with me, and smoke weed, and fill our bellies with DIET soda and play Burnout Revenge for the PS Two.

Here he makes a nice partner for Pim.. and proves while Charlie may be awful at his job and barely giving a fuck.. he at least.. tries. In just one day in the field Alan dropkicks an innocent woman who "startled" him and constantly asks if he can just drop Gwimbly wherever including a graveyard.

Gwimbly is also great satire of the modern game landscape: The CEO of the company that made Gwimbly is a grotesque asshole whose best known for a meme i've had endless use for and is easily the season's best line

And sends his latest creation to go murder our heroes for crowdfunding a gwimbly game after his company pivoted to fps.

We get some truly fantastic gags. Gwimbly threatning to use his Gwimbly gun, his former antagonists weird wife and his sidekick mr milipede getting a smash cut to his grave, having died of Fentnyl. The climax where the ceo gets killed by his own creation and said creation and gwimbly decide to do a mascot fighter is heartwarming. Also Charlie has a subplot with an angry asshole. It's okay, and mostly notable for the guy ripping Charlie's nose o off..a nd thent he cut back later to Charlie calcmly trying to call 911 to get an ambulence while the douchey client who won't leave tries to bully him. It's the funneist episode of the year , one of the most insane and a good sign for the series future.

4. Mutant Liberation Begins (X-Men 97 S1 Episode 2)

 "Charles Xavier entrusted me with his dream, and it does not ask you to love or embrace my kind as your own, but merely to accept that this is a shared world with a common future, and that my kind, like yours, have the right to live in it. I am trying to be better. Please...do not make me let you down..."

I fucking love Magneto. and even with the stupid ass grooming subplot, X-Men 97 does a damn good magneto. It portrays him as the complex asshole he is: a man who genuinely wants to help his people, who will say never again, and who will kick ass, but WANTS to be better than his violenty groomy past. Someone whose taken things to an extreme.. but you can see after all he's been through WHY he got there.

MLB is a great second episode. While To Me My X-Men was a great intro, showing off Cyclops and Storm properly and setting everything up, MLB is where the series starts to really cook, bringing in the complex themes. While x-men media hasn't been afraid to talk about race or opression using the mutnat metaphor, 97 gets into how endless it feels.. how it just KEEPS coming and how hard Xavier's dream of coexistance is. It feels extra relevant after Disney's sacking of the shows creator for being this blunt and the horrifying results of the election, that this isn't new. History repeats or as behind the bastards host and guy I deeply respect Robert Evans put sit "It's cool how people don't learn anything ever"

And while other episodes rip right into it better, I like MLB for doing that and being an outstanding magneto character piece. He's trying to honor his absent friend.. but he's still an arrogant dick. Being an x-man dosen't take erik's arrogance away. He' still smug as hell as he asks why the x-men never bothered to send the morlocks to saftey in genosha now it's a free country and not a hell hole, his mutant power still kills fascists.. he's just tampering it down to maiming them. He's doing a noble thing.. but in the most dickish most magneto way possible and its easy to see why the x-men aren't easy with thier new leader.

The Rogue's stuff's better here as she encourages him to pull his head out of his ass and we hadn't got to "They say i'm robbing the cradle but she's robbing the grave" yet.

Magneto gets a grand stage to lay out his ideas when the UN comes to arrest him. Because they can do that apparently. He stops all their helicopters and makes it clear it was a stupid move to not magneto proof thier helicopters. Seriously you.. you guys are HQ'd in new york same as the x-men and live in a universe with the x-men, the avengers, the fantastic four and spider-man all in it. You didn't think to have quinjets or hulkbuster tanks to take on the most dangerous man alive?

It's only for the grace of proving he's changed their not all reduced to a pile of blood and metal and Magneto agrees to the trial.. but defends what he's done: he did what he had to, he's seen the holocaust, and he has one simple code: never again. He calls them out for their hypocricy, for the show trial nature of things.

Then the racists hit. Beau really just said "let's have a january 6th allegory" and i'm here for it with the friend sof humanity storming the UN. When a racist on the panel wonders whyt heir trying to killh im Magneto says it simply "your giving the monster a trial"

The x-men defend and we get a great scene with the FOH's leader the x-cutioner, a bigot who loudly complains about how mutants won't just shut up and how HE has problems but he isn't whining.. to Scott Summers. The may whose dad got shot up into space, grew up an orphan, can't look anyone in the eye, had his wife die twice, and had a weird man fuck with his life and will have him do it again. What i'm saying with this is fuck your first world problem and it's telling real bigots latched onto the scene missing the point.

We also get a neat subplot as Maddy goes into labor. I love her shenanigans with logan: making his car a convertible and the intimal confrontation with him thinking "he's here" means apolcaypse or something and having to be told "the baby you idiot". I also love Rogue (who brought Cyke to the hopsital mid insurrection) sapping a racist doctor's knowledge to deliver the baby. Brilliant stuff.

But the true heart is what happens. While the x-men valiantly do their best, the x-cutioner has a nasty suprise: a neutralizer gun. He aims it at erik.. and Storm takes it. And Erik.. does not take it well, watching a strong, powerful mutant who had done nothing but try to help people crawl weekly in shock he says: ENOUGH and gives the speech above, lifting the un council and the x-cutioner into the sky and making clear he could kill them all if he wanted.. but he won't. They don't have to like mutantkind.. but they should be allowed to exist. He's trying to be better. please don't let him down. Sadly.. they do. But as swerve said, story for another time.

3. Souls in Darkness (Legend of Vox Machina S3 Episode 12)

 "Percy... this isn’t how I wanted to do this. And gods know all this attention would appall you but... That day with you in Syngorn when you stood next to me and allowed me to be a part of something that you hold dearest. I... I was so proud. You stood up for me and I... I lied to you. I lied to myself. I hate that I was too afraid to admit it. You’re fascinating, and... obstinate, and... and the cleverest man I know. You have to find your way back to us Percy. Because the truth is... I love you, darling. My heart... It's yours."

As I alluded too in the "hell to pay" entry, the last act of season 3 was bumpy. They tried to thread a lot of stuff together, and while ther'es awesome highs like the battle with thordak, the period between that and the finale was rocky, splitting everyone up for time and not working like it had before.

What did was the ending, which also ended a cleverly addded subplot: in both the original game and the show Percy, my baby boy, dies. He forgave his arch enemy Ana Ripley, let go of vengance.. and got a bullet for it. While his ressurection was frought in the game, with Ashley Johnson coming in special just to make sure pike could help him feeling guilty for the team not having a healer when percy died, here.. it sticks. The team dosen't have anyone who can do it and Percy is dead. Granted most of us felt this woudln't stick.. but I applaud the decision to let it ride: to let that pain fester: Vex feels guilt for not admitting how she felt, pushing him away due to her daddy issues, and Scanlan regrets not being there to help.

The good news is the series had a loop hole. Our heroes get Anna Ripley's gun from her corpse and Vax slowly hears something inside. Percy is alive.. but in a horrifying twist (one hinted at in the show but shown in full here) Orthax, the shadowy ghoul that he accidnetly made a deal with and who slowly possed him over season 1, has him.

Our heroes have to wrap up other buienss first and the first act finishes where the last episode: Raishan has played our heroes, their alliance being so she could get thordak's corpse, escape her curse and become a necrodragon.. and wanting vengance against the ashari, she traps Keyleth with her. Thankfully kiki's grown as a person and awesomely dispatches one of the series best villians (a truly awesome performance by cree summers) by turning into an earth titan then using Raishan's own corpse to pump her new body full of curse and blow her up real good.

This part is excellent, finally giving Keyleth some shine (as did the previous two eps) and letting her get revenge on her tormentor who played her friends the best way possible. She and Vax alsof inally confirm it's offical. Thank god.

But it's not over as during the fight Vax used the pepperbox.. and heard percy inside. Percy is alive, he's trapped... and his brother in law's gonna go save him. As usual for the show ressurection is not easy. It dosen't seem easy in dnd, but in fiction you can't just have casual resurrection without death meaning nothing. And unless you question that like x-men did in the krakoan age, the good and bad of it it can be tedious. So instead Ressurection is really hard.. especially since the person they had do one last time is now dead. RIP Cash, Will please do more voice acting.

So we get a tense sequence as PIke restores the body and the party has to keep it alive while Vax dives into hell despite his matron warning him he will be punished if he spits in the face of death. But Percy is family.. and Vax won't abandon him.

Orthax's realm is helish: all of percy's previous targets are horrifying corpse and percy himself is stuck ona n eternal forge bereft of memories while Vax risks being stuck there too... until.. Vex reaches out... confessing to percy as quoted above in Laura Bailey's most beautiful bit of acting series wide. It's love that saves Percy from his own guilt and his worst enemy, and it's the love of a brother that gets him out of there as Vax pulls his brother out.

The ending is also joyous.. likely because they didn't know if they'd get ot do season 4, so rather than scanlan bitterly parting ways, he plans to leave with his daughter and everyone else decides to take a break from being a party: Vex and Percy are going back to whitestone, Vax is going to help his girlfriend finish the Armente they need to actually define in show, and Pike and Grog are gonna.. go save people they guess. We get a truly beautfiul song to close this out, Circle the World, which shows off Scanaln's evelopment and is a nice parting song... and an omnius cliffhanger shows we're not done.

Souls in darkness is an episode that serves as the perfect caper to everything that's come. Like the end of season 1 the final conflict isn't the big bad.. but saving one of their own. Vox Machina is ultimately about a family of choiec, a group who loves each other even if they'll verbally tear each other apart and this a beautiful showcase of that and of my favorite characters. I'll truly miss them when the series wraps.

2. Night of the Hunters (Batman Caped Crusader S1 Episode 4)

"He'll Talk"

Night of the Hunters is a perfect episode, one that had a damn good shot at being the year's best episode. Night of the Hunters takes everything that makes Caped Crusader great, condenses it into half an hour and the results are fantastic.

Previously on Batman Caped Crusader

Also Catwoman was there and made the mistake of humiliating detectives Bullock and Flask. In this show Bullock isn't the gruff man who should probably still be fired but at least believes in justice guy we know and love from the comics and BTAS, but a corrupt monster, working closely with his partner detective Flass , a big piece of shit in any medium. The two gladly bring up the idea of roughing up suspects as their go to, inform for Thorne and Penguin and genuinely just suck. So when Selina Kyle got off on a technicality and made the two look stupid, not to mention scratching Bullocks face, the two decided to murder her. Batman had to stop it and kicked some cop ass, hooray, but did so on film to make sure Catwoman actually went to jail this time.

This being the alternate 40's, cops are viewed with actual respect and not as an orginzation that BADLY needs reform filled with people who think their gods I tell you gods who will arrest striking workers because they were created for the upper class. Thankfully Caped Crusader is aware of this irony and is one of the best depections of police i've seen: a few people, not suprisingly of color are trying, but the bulk of the system is corrupt, horrible and more than willing to resort to force.

Still the good side is the one that gets to try and catch the batman. Renee Montoya, who we talked about earlier, gets the task force head as her solution isn't throw wave after wave of her own men after them but clever tactics. She sets up fake crimes, and only fails because the Batman is one step ahead. It also turns out he's been reading thier strategies, as we find out in the most hilaroius scene in the show: Gordon is working late, goes into the task force room and finds batman and the two just.. sit there for a beat and drink in the absurdity, fully absorb this then the chase begins.

Montoya brings in an expert, Harleen Quinzel, her future girlfriend and the current Harley Quinn but the latters for an episode we're not talking about today. She explains Batman's biggest draw is someone who matches his freak: Super crime. The kinds that aren't easy for gpd. Masked bandits and such. Given he fights a ghost a few episodes after this and punched a clay man in the face a bunch in a previous entry on this list, she's not wrong.

Montoya has the obvious solution: fake a super criminal, a clever plan that doesn't get executed because Bullock and Flass go for the easiest , stupidest, bloodiest , fastest method: they essentially kidnap Firebug, an arsonist in a grey suit to burn down the east end.

Firebug is an also ran in the comics, here more resembling firefly, but with a disturbing and wonderfully horrific twist: He's a meek unassuming man... who assumes everyone would be happier in the flame. In the second best sequence of the episode, he imagines everyone as happy animated flames, the joy they'll have consumed by the fire. It's the best version of either character i've seen and it's fucking horrific.

Helping this is his voice actor, the legendary Tom Kenny. While Tom has gotten a lot of flexibility in his long career, this is one of his best rolls, which says something. The meekness, the tired way he is.. then the expressiveness when Firebug gets to do his "sacred duty" it's truly haunting.

The climax is horrific and perfect: Flass and Bullock hyjack a bunch of swat members with one goal: kill batman. They don't care that Firebug is killing a bunch of innocent people, their an acceptable casualty. Gordon and the Bat disagrees with Jim going in HIMSELF to save the people whose beat he once walked, the poor and desperate.. and works with Bruce working in concert with him.

Sadly this leaves Firebug vunerable. He's out of fire.. but Flass can't let him squel and tells bullock to kill him. And in the series best shot, he does.. killing him and standing stone faced in the window, any hope of redemption gone. Gordon tries to fire him.. but all the public sees is a hero cop.. and Gordon is left broken wondering what the hell his purpose is. Night of the Hunters is a dark, brutal episode of television and one of my faviorites.

Masquerade (Hazbin Hotel S1, episode 4)

"It's time to loose your self loathin, excuse yourself let hope in. Play your card be who you are, a loser , just like.." "Are they fuckin singin?!"

This glorious #1 was a surprise to me. While I expected Masquerade, and Hazbin Hotel in general to place, I didn't expect it to win. I'd pegged other episodes for that spot.. but when thinking things out, comparing episode... this was the winner. As good as night of the hunters is, as close as this race was... Hazbin always came out on top and after three previous years the Hellaverse as a whole has finally gotten it's flowers.

Hazbin Hotel is excellent. Season 1 may wove way faster than it should've for space reasons, but damn if it wasn't a good time. The songs were all beautiful, the cast was perfection, and the visuals gorgeous, while the characters were as loveable, complicated and in in most of our villians cases intentionally punchable in the best way as Helluva's cast. It's a messy good time and I ca'nt wait to see where it goes this year.

Masquerade is the standout and it' shelped by narrowing focus. While it ends up being important to the series as a whole, Masquerade has nothing to do with the overarching plot of Original Fuckboy Adam's imminent genocide, being an intimate character piece dealing with everyone's faviorite power bottom at rock bottom Angel Dust.

Masquerade is a rough watch: most of the time we see Angel, it's him confidently deflecting, making sex jokes and doing sexual harassment to Husk. Yet episode 2 gave us peaks behind the mask: he's geninely hurt when Charlie seemingly writes him off (If not unfairly) and we see just how horrible his pimp/slavemaster/general piece of shit valentino is to him, emotoinally gaslighting him and planning to murder everyone in the hotel over Angel daring to.. live somewhere else.

Valentino is one of the vilest characters in animation, and I don't exagerate there. The show does need to better ballance his comedic moments with his monstrosity, but in my eyes at least the monstrosity is done chillingly realistically: he's a gaslighting monster who has hold over someone he treats as a sex slave, assaults regularly and abuses his power over. When Charlie makes the innocent mistake of trying to help angel get his work hours down to be at the hotel more, it goes horribly, gettiing angel punished for it.

And it's a tragedy that's welld one: You get why Charlie blunders ont o a porn set. Angel hasn't told her HOW bad shit is, why he's doing this, and is doing his shit of dissocating to avoid having to deal with the nightmare he's trapped in. He likely dose'nt WANT to talk to Charlie about it and bring his truama and pain into the one safe place he has.

Yet by not doing so.. Charlie just assumes he's doing this to be angel and not because he has to, and dosen't grasp the depths of her friends abuse. She does get to oggle a hellhound though. So that's nice. But Charlie blundering leads to angel getting hit and while Charlie prepares to leave Valentio a stain on the floor Angel' desperately tells her to go. He's so scared of this monster that even a quick way out won't save him while Charlie is left broken not understanding WHAT she di dwrong. Which.. was nothing intentional. She fucked up, sure, but she's a sheltered 20 something who while meaning well, has no real concept of how fucked up hell truly is to it's core. It's her first taste that the world is more complciated and fucked up than she can imagine and she can't just.. save angel. I Mean killing val might've done that but we dont' know how soul contracts work and I suspect neither does charlie. You don't blame either perosn: Angel's deeply traumtized, self loathing and is likely afraid val will hurt his best friend, or worse, take her awya form him, and Charlie is a naive idiot. She's not without fire to her, adam learned that the hard way, but a common theme is Charlie's lack of actual experince hampers her goals.

So we get Poison, one of the shows best sequences and a great song.. ut a sequence I'll likely NEVER watch again as Angel is assaulted, and talks about the hell he's in, blames himself for it, and his nightmare of a life is sexualized for the cameras.. while the actual abuse of valentio is shadowy and horrific. Valentino delights in parading angel around as his property and using him how he sees fits and i'ts utterly breaking to watch.

Also hard to watch is Angel's attempt to cope: he wants to get drunk, then hits on Husk who resonably, finally has enough. His main reason is simple: he knows i'ts a defense mechanism. He knows the angel he sees at the hotel and the harassment is annoying less because it's.. harassment (something to unpack next season maybe as... i'ts an uneasy message at best) nad more because he can tell angle's faking it to get by and it pisses him off. Like Charlie Husk makes a mistake.. but you can't blame him. He shoudln't have to get constantly hit on by someone to make that person feel better and it's likely only gone on this long because Charlie is so naive she likely dosen't get this is bad as it's not the grosser sexual harassment she's dealt with and husk seems fine.

So angel storms out and with Charlie broken (adorably so but still aww) Vaggie orders Husk to go fix this. Her blaming him isn't okay but I get her logic: while blaming husk is stupid, sending him is really the only option as he's the only person who can resonably save angel from himself right now. Charlie's breaking down, Vaggie's having to make sure Charlie dosen't break down further, Husk is the only one. And it's telling that while ti's an order, given how he usually shrugs those off.. he doe sit.

And it saves Angel from more assault as Angel gets hammered and fully intends to let a bunch of shark men assault him repeadtely which is horrific.. and when Husk saves him he snaps, asking why. In a truly heartbreaking moment that's Blake Roman's best acting so far he reveals he does it to escape, that if he's broken Val may not want him anymore. And in this moment of vunerablity.. Husk actually responds and comforts him.

And the character suddenly gets a thousand lairs as we learn his backstory: He was once an overlord, but his gambling addiction meant he ended up enslaved to Alastor. And as worn out shell.. he recognizes himself in Angel. It's likely why he was so hard on him.. he could see himself and simply wanted Angel to actaully be himself.. and now he sees why he wasn't, he helps.

And he helps with the season's second best song. I mean.. Still Gone is fucking fantastic and had the rest of the episode not just been okay, episode 2 would be here too. But Looser Baby is the series breakout, an endlessly applicable song with a great message: that it's okay to be a mess, that you can be better.

Granted i'm biased: My love of Keith David is something I don't hide and not only does this episode let him shine he gets to sing. In fact David took the roll entirely becaue he wanted to sing more, and why it's taken this long is beyond me. The man did one of the most iconic disney villian songs period, let him sing.

Viv does.. and the results are glorious. Partly because we get to see Keith david sing thigns like "your a fucked up little whiny bitch" and "your a power bottom at rock bottom". He starts tearing into angel.. but the point is not "you fucking suck and will continue to suck" it's "just because your in a bad place, dosen't mean you have to be alone in it". As david dreamiily croons

"There was a time I thought that no one could relate, to the grusome ways in which i'm damaged. But letting walls down it can sometime set you straight, we're all livin in the same shit sandwitch"

It's a lesson I needed to learn: your not broken, you can heal, and your not alone if you can find someone like you whose also in pain. Its a joyous ode to how things may suck.. but you can still love yourself despite the flaws you need to work on. It's help by buttery smooth animation as we see Husk, whose been mostly drunk and sullen in a corner, move an dgroove the whole time, in beautiful ways, using his umbrella and get some great neon colors cumilating in that beautful shot above. And some shark death. Always shake your tails before the big musical number.

The ending is also shockingly sweet. Charlie tries to blubbering apologize.. and Angel has grown, having realized he can be loved and dosne't have to shove people away to survive or break himself.

"Charlie it's fine I get it, thanks for carrin about me"

Her blubbering after and her girlfriend putting her to bed is fucking adorable, but this episode itself is fucking amazing. A truly heartrending story... that somehow has a happy ending and a turning point in who angel is and him and husk's relationship that's realistic, and well earned. And viv well earned our number one spot. Congradulations Spindlehorse, keep it up and i'll see you next year

For all you fine folks, thanks for reading, follow me here on bluesky for more nonsense and remember: I'm pullin for ya we're allin this together.

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PRELIMINARY ROUND - BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER/ANGEL THE SERIES

PROPAGANDA

Fred Burkle

1.) She is chronically a damsel in distress in the canon even though she has demonstrated her intelligence and ability to use weapons. The canon consistently takes away her agency over her body and ability to make decisions just to further plot. Why does she die because she gets possessed by a god for no reason </3

2.) ok I promise I'll be more normal about the other ats female characters than about cordy. fred was introduced as a genius physicist who had spent five years stuck in a demon dimension where humans were persecuted, surviving on her own and trying to somehow find a way back home. after being rescued from the demon dimension by the show's main characters, she joins the main cast and starts trying to readjust to the normal world. the setup for her character is really interesting, with her having a lot of trauma from her time in the demon dimension, feeling helpless, and struggling to become comfortable living in the human world again. but I guess because she's a Woman the show instead reduces her to just being at the centre of a love triangle with two of the other main characters, which she has almost no agnecy in and gets stretched out over like two seasons. and then after she breaks up for good with one of the guys and it looks like MAYBE she'll at least be freed from love triangle hell, the show introduces a NEW love interest for her just to keep the love triangle drama going. she basically never gets any focus or to be an active player in the show's plot aside from in a couple of episodes, pretty much being reduced to just a damsel in distress. and as if all that wasn't bad enough, fred's story ends with her being killed by a demon that takes over her body and destroys her from the inside out in a way that isn't Technically a mystical pregnancy but is like. close enough to one and presented close enough to one for it to count. (if you read the cordelia submission and are perhaps thinking to yourself jesus christ did they actually fridge both their main female characters in exactly the same way? Yes. Yes they did.) the demon in fred's body then allegedly becomes a new member of the main cast but the show does pretty much nothing with this character and she doesn't play any important role so it really does just feel like fred died for no reason other than to make her boyfriend sad. This is because fred died for no reason other than to make her boyfriend sad. It fucking sucks but I guess it's not like she got any agency or development when she was alive either

3.) Poor Fred. Amy Acker is a fantastic actress and Fred had the potential to become a truly wonderful character - a brilliant scientist who goes through intense trauma and finds her purpose in helping other people. I have a lot of love for her. Unfortunately she was the victim of a lot of really misogynistic writing. For starters, a lot of her characterisation falls into the ‘quirky weird girl who’s hot but doesn’t realise’ camp which Joss Whedon is fond of. Like other examples of this, her trauma is turned into something quirky which fades away once they get bored of it. Also, she becomes completely sidelined and silenced in a love triangle where the feelings of the man pining over her are given all air time, and her own opinion is never mentioned. Additionally, she’s constantly sidelined in the final season after being made the token girl, and is finally killed off unceremoniously to generate drama and pain for the aforementioned man who was pining over her. And you know what the worst part is? She still gets off more lightly than Cordelia.

Cordelia Chase (CW: Pregnancy)

1.) (downs an entire bottle of vodka and slams it back on the table) SO. CORDY. Cordy started off as a supporting character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. At the start she was your typical high school mean girl character, but as the show went on we got to see more depth to her character: her insecurities, her courage, her capacity for incredible acts of kindness. Then after the third season she moved into the show's spin off, Angel, where from the beginning she was basically the show's secondary protagonist. Her and Angel were the two mainstays of the show's main cast, she gets the most episodes centered on her out of all the characters aside from Angel (and yes, I've checked), and we really got to see her grow from a very shallow and self-centered and kind of mean person to a true hero who was prepared to give up any chance at a normal life to fight the good fight while still never losing the basic core of her character. There were some… questionable moments like the episode where she gets mystically pregnant with demon babies and things got a bit iffy like halfway through season 3 where the writers seemed to run out of ideas for what to do with her outside of sticking her in this romance drama/love triangle situation with the main character but overall, pretty good stuff right? THEN SEASON 4 HAPPENED. In season 4 she gets stripped of literally all agency and spends pretty much the entire season possessed by an evil higher power, and while possessed she sleeps with Angel's teenage son (who BY THE WAY she had helped raise as a baby before he got speed-grown-up into a teenager it was a whole thing don't worry about it) and gets pregnant with like. the physical manifestation of the higher power that's possessing her. it's about as bad and stupid as it sounds and also is like the third time cordy's got mystically pregnant in this show and like the fourth mystical pregnancy storyline overall (you will be hearing more on that note in other submissions I'm so sorry). after giving birth she goes into a coma, in which she remains for the rest of season 4 and the first half of season 5. SPEAKING OF WHICH DON'T THINK SEASON 5 IS GETTING OFF SCOT FREE HERE. yeah so in season 5 the show just FULLY starts trying to erase cordy's existence. she gets mentioned ONCE in the first episode and then never again until halfway through the season where she wakes up, helps out Angel for a bit and encourages him in his fight against evil, and then goes quietly into that good night and dies so it can be all sad and tragic. I'd call it the worst fridging of all time but even THAT feels generous because the whole point of fridging is killing off a female character so a man can be sad, and after Cordy dies basically no one's even sad about it because the show immediately goes back to pretending she never existed. she is not mentioned ONCE in the two episodes after she dies. in the whole stretch of time between her death and the end of the season she gets mentioned exactly four times. again, I counted. anyway the fun twist to all of this is that all of this happened because the actress who played cordy got pregnant before season 4 and joss whedon was so pissed off about this affecting his plans for the show that he decided to completely fuck over her character and then fire her and write her out of the show. so cordy's a victim of both writing AND real life misogyny!! good times!!

2.) OH SO MANY THINGS they menaced by giving her terrible hair cuts, making her seem like she'd get together with the guy she loves (and who loves her back) but instead she was killed and when she was brought back, she got possessed by an evil entity who used her body to give birth to itself. afterwards she was in a long coma and died. her character was so throughoutly assassinated

3.) She got demonically pregnant TWICE - there was this real sense of a womb/ability to get pregnant as like, a place for evil to get in. She got positioned as femme fatale and evil mother. The actress basically got fired for being pregnant, and when she agreed to come back for a single final episode she specifically said they could do anything but kill off the character. Guess what happened

[mentalmeles]

Dungeon Meshi Liveblog 24

Suicidal urges be damned, it's time for Season 1 Finale! (Hooray for Season 2 announcement~!)

FALIN! SIGHTINGGG!!! WITH HER VOICEEEEEEE!!!

Laios' idea to change Falin's lower half isn't too terrible of an idea, but it certainty wouldn't work in the long run.. She wouldn't be able to bathe for starters and I doubt people on the surface would welcome her, small sized dragon with her humanity restored or not. There has to be a way to restore her original body, right?

WUH OH! GARGOYLES!

LSDfjlkfj poor Marcille.. She just keeps getting knocked around like a ping pong ball LMAO

ELF SENSHI IS STILL SO CURSED WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT EVEN WHEN HE'S GETTING INJURED LJKFLKF

Yes!! Way to go, Chilchuck and Marcille!!

TAKE TO THE SKY, MARCILLE!!!

gOD, I CAN'T WAIT TILL SENSHI IS BACK TO NORMAL... BRING US BACK OUR HOT ASS DWARF!!!

Yay!! They're back to normal!! :D

LAIOS AND FALIN BACKSTORYYYY!!

Aww.. Laios really just showed up out of the blue after who knows how long and Falin just...decided to go along with him, right then and there. There wasn't even any hesitation. She must have missed him so, so much. ...And she must have been very, very lonely, too.

BABY FALIN.... HER CHEEKS ARE SO CHUBBY... TTATT

Marcille... (IT'S TIME TO FUCKING C RY.....)

AGGHHH SO MUCH FALIN THIS EP I AM EATING WELL

They... They gotta eat Falin in order to save her. Why am I surprised??

....Wait. Another mid size group?? THE CANARIES......

!! FALIN IN REAL TIME!! Whoa, wait.. Is Thistle not letting her eat any of the monsters?? What is he feeding her, then?? Is he feeding her anything at all?? This is so FUCKED! LET HER GO, YOU BASTARD!!!

And just like that, Season 1 has come to a close... I really hope we don't have to wait too long for Season 2. I want to see Laios and the others rescue Falin so that they can all eat a nice, warm meal together again. And again, and again, and again...