#for someone who worked 9-5 for 6 months of the year i think i did pretty well
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2024 Fic Round Up
My beloved @puckdoll tagged me in the fic round up! Unfortunately, I have over 115 works posted from this year alone on my main Ao3 account so I didn’t want to spam the dashboard.
HOWEVER I have chosen my favourites from each month + commentary. (Also let me know if you want to see my beautiful Ao3 spreadsheet)
January:
something tragic about us Saw (Movies) Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon/Mark Hoffman
Started off the year with a gross threesome! I think Adam should suffer <3 This originally started differently with more about Adam walking home, but it was so BORING that I cut the entire thing. The first lines I came up with were Adam not wanting to roll onto his stomach because he was overstimulated, which set up my theme of the fic nicely :)
February:
Hey blondie Saw (Movies) Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon
The fic I’d been wanting to write for MONTHS!! I think young Cary Elwes is gorgeous jailbait, and I couldn’t think of a good enough set-up until the Bulletproof exchange. I miss the era of fandom where people shipped actors as different characters, so it was lovely to picture older Adam ruining young Lawrence’s throat.
March:
kingdom through the wilderness Saw (Movies) Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Jigsaw Apprentices
A special birthday omegaverse gangbang fic for Monty! Sometimes you just need to destroy Adam and get him all covered in cum as a treat for your bestie. I couldn’t figure out if I wanted Logan to appear in this or not, so he’s technically there, but hidden. Also had to slip in some breeding kink because hnng hot.
April:
psalm 3 The Locked Tomb Gideon Nav/Harrowhark Nonagesimus
First non Saw fic and shortest of them all! I really love this drabble, and I’m annoyed it didn’t get enough love. I think the kiss description is good, and the contrast between Alecto’s POV and what Gideon is saying works well.
May:
nothing good starts in a getaway car The Passenger Benson/Randolph "Randy" Bradley
My first Passenger fic, and it’s a 4k fic about Randy getting railed! I never disappoint. Honestly loved writing this, and I hadn’t realised that other people enjoyed it as well until I realised it was being recced. I tried really hard to “get” Benson’s voice as I was writing this, I found it hard to describe his sing-song way of speaking. I also got really into blowjobs where the cock fucks the side of the mouth so included that in there >:)
June:
call me pretty thing Saw (Movies) Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Alison Gordon/Lawrence Gordon
I LOVE this stupid femslash poly au that I’ve come up with, and I could write thousands of words based in this universe. I think Alison works perfectly as a mean domme, and I know she and Lauren are the hottest dyke couple in Saw City. I enjoy reading BDSM aus (thanks hockey fandom) but I don’t know how good I am at writing them.
July:
yield the need A Castle for Christmas (Movie 2021) Myles/Thomas (A Castle for Christmas)
I forced Becky to watch A Castle for Christmas last year, and unfortunately, she thinks it’s the best movie ever made. We came up with a very in-depth backstory for Thomas and Myles’ relationship that hits all our buttons (Scotland, repressed homosexuality, teenagers rutting all over the place) so I had to write a fic for the Battleship Exchange. I loveeee writing older men tackling their sexuality and getting their rocks off.
August:
cherry tree Delicious in Dungeon Senshi/Chilchuck Tims
The fact that there is SO LITTLE Senshi/Chilchuck fic is a crime. I really wanted to hit the fisting tags for Battleship Exchange, along with hitting my own size kink desires. This fic literally spilled out of me - I honestly think I wrote it in about an hour in a fugue state. I also never write about men’s balls and wanted to include it in this fic because I know what the Senshi fuckers want >:)
September:
Selachimorpha Jaws (Movies) Martin Brody/Matt Hooper
Another fic where I had a VIBE in my head that I was really trying to pin down - Hooper sweating in the bar and catching sight of Brody and realising he’s in love. I also think the title works really well, Selachimorpha is the scientific name for sharks and I remember my beloved poetry professor telling me to always use latin/scientific words in my work. Shout out to *REDACTED*, sorry for not replying to your facebook messages.
October:
scent of you Original Work Stepmother with a huge dick/Teen stepdaughter she impregnates
I only posted two fics in October (damn my full time job!) but I did love this horny Original Work for the RelationShipping exchange. My recip was very into mind control, so this was my first foray into that kink and I think it worked well >:) This fic also got me blocked by some mutuals because they didn’t realise I was a freak!
November:
a softer jigsaw trap Saw (Movies) Lawrence Gordon/John "Jigsaw" Kramer
I wrote SO MUCH for Fic In A Box, but I just had to choose these softer world inspired panels. I feel like I worked the hardest on these - I practised first with some Hoffman panels, did a lot of editing of screenshots to create new scenes between Lawrence and Jill, and dusted off my old Photoshop skills! It was also SO MUCH FUN, I loved picking the quotes for the Lawrence/John relationship.
December:
No official December fic yet! I’ve written fic for several exchanges that will hopefully go live this month, so we’ll have to wait and see. ✌️
#2024 Fic Round Up#for someone who worked 9-5 for 6 months of the year i think i did pretty well#also if you're cool..... ask me about my hockey fic
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Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt. 7
[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.3] [Pt.4] [Pt.5] [Pt.6] [Pt.8] [Pt.9] [Pt.10]
“I’m having a child.”
Danny stared at Batman.
“…Uh, congrats?”
Batman whips out a stack of paper and a pen. “It’s you. Sign here and initial the highlighted spots.”
Danny instinctively, from years of dealing with Vlad, whacked the stack right out of Batman’s hands and into the bay. He doesn’t even feel bad about littering this time because, “Begone, fruitloop!”
Wait, no, that’s not what he meant.
“I mean- I have parents!”
“Not for long.” Batman muttered and then did a double take. “You have parents? How?”
Danny gasped, placing a hand on his chest to clutch his metaphorical pearls. He ignored Batman’s mutters. Everyone knows the vigilante has an adoption problem. At least, everyone who lived in Gotham did, as everyone who didn’t was somehow convinced that he “worked alone” or some bullshit like that. “Are you naturally this insensitive or were you dropped on your head as a baby? Obviously I had to come from somewhere.”
“They’re still… alive?”
“And kicking,” Danny said, inching away from yet another rich weird guy trying to adopt him. “Mostly the kicking part, though.” He said, remembering the sparring sessions. His mom could kick his as six ways to Sunday with nothing but jiu-jitsu and still have time to work in the lab.
“I see.”
“I’m charging you extra for the emotional upheaval. I have trauma regarding rich people trying to adopt me.”
Batman sullenly handed over a thousand.
“Sweet. There’s a group of shades down here asking if you could find their murderer. Apparently the serial killer is still at large.” Danny pointed.
“Of course. Tell me everything.”
The adoption papers disappeared as Batman went into detective mode.
Danny shoved the cash into his glowing chest and breathed a sigh of relief. He needed to make rent this month so it was a windfall running into Batman.
——
“Hey, Tim?”
Tim woke up from his Power Nap. “Huh?”
“Phantom’s complaining that Batman kept trying to adopt him.”
Tim blinked. “Uh.. what does that have to do with me?”
Danny stared at him, a patiently amused smile on his face. “Just in case the rumor about the Wayne’s sugar-daddy-into the Bats was a thing. Other than that, we might have to confront Batman to get him off of Phantom’s back. ”
“You… want to confront Batman.”
“Hey, man, Phantom’s a friend and it’s ride or die.” Danny snickered. It was literally die, with his Phantom side of things. He held two fists up, and wound them, like Popeye right after eating spinach or something. “And if Batman bothers Phantom, we ride at dawn.”
“Batman doesn’t come out unless it’s dark, though? Or for the Justice League.” Tim grinned. He mentally classified Danny under his “to go to” list. That’s where Bart, Bernard, Cassie, Kon, and Garfield were. If he starts shit, he could count on them to have his back and cause even more shit. Danny, wanting to fistfight Bruce over the man making Phantom uncomfortable? He absolutely is making that list.
“Then we ride at, like, dusk. Or uh, like 10PM. I gotta get my beauty sleep.”
“You’ll definitely need it,” Tim inconspicuously texted the group chat, which quickly blew up.
“Shut up,” Danny playfully shoved Tim. “Wait, can Batman even legally adopt? Isn’t being a vigilante illegal? And how can he adopt someone dead?”
Tim dramatically flailed and splayed over Danny’s carpeted living room. “Dunno about his identity,” he lied to Danny, like a liar. “But Gotham has a bunch of laws for the undead/restored to life people so there’s probably enough gray space there.”
Danny spluttered. “You guys have undead friendly laws?”
“Yeah, geht do you think Grundy just chills out? Plus, we have like a minor resurrection event every few years. It usually doesn’t stick but sometimes it does. Bruce pushed for those laws when Jason came back to life, except he doesn’t actually want people to know he’s like, alive.”
“Jason died?” Danny blinked. Well, that would explain the vibes. “Huh. So what’s up with his rank vibes then?”
“Rank vibes?” Tim pressed record on his phone.
Danny nodded. “Yeah, you know how Phantom’s got like a really chill green vibe?” Inwardly, Danny snickered at his pun. Chill. Yeah, he meant that very literally. “Jason’s got kind of a rank green vibe. He’s kind of stinky? Definitely never introduce him to Phantom.” Danny’s senses got worse in his ghost form.
“Jason regularly showers, though?!”
“Not smell! Like, a spiritual smell?”
“You can smell souls?!” Tim sat up. “Bro, you’re a meta?!”
“Uh.” Danny hesitated. “Yeah. I can smell souls. It’s a thing. Everyone from my town can do it.”
“What?!” Tim paused. “Wait, can Phantom smell souls?”
“Yeah. We’re, uh, from the same town.”
“Danny, what the fuck?”
“Hey, don’t look at me like that, you’re the one with a soul-sick brother! Not to mention, you’re kinda stinky too!”
“Hey!”
“Soul-stinky nerd man!”
——
“I stink?!” Jason spluttered out, extremely offended.
“The Lazarus pits. He’s most likely smelling traces of Lazarus pit on you, you imbecile.”
“We need to speak to Phantom. This instant.”
“I dunno, B. Danny sounded like he was gonna break your face if you bothered Phantom anymore.” Dick snickered.
“Yeah,” Tim chimed in, from his seat in front of the Bat-computer. “He was pretty serious.”
“Are we just gonna glaze over the fact that they’re from the same town?!” Stephanie exclaimed, practicing her moves on a training dummy.
“How does that even work? What does that mean? I thought Phantom was an immortal?” Duke asked.
“We also can’t rule out time-travel.” Barbara slammed her baton into a training dummy, twisting her wheelchair in an agile maneuver that left the dummy on the floor.
“No bothering Phantom.” Cass proclaimed.
“That’s quite right. You all have a warm dinner sitting above your cave and should it remain uneaten, I assure you that sherbet Sunday and crêpe Tuesday shall be canceled.” Alfred stepped in. The Bats, threatened, scrambled to ditch their gear and go upstairs.
#Danny: not another adoption!#Vlad and Bruce trying to adopt Danny even though he’s got parents:🤝#batman#danny phantom#tim drake#jason todd#bruce wayne#dc x dp#bamf danny phantom#dpxdc#dcxdp#dcxdp crossover#sea cryptic! danny au
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Are you going to continue the roomate James series? I’m actually in love with it😍
Yes! Thank you for reading <3
part 1 │ part 2 │ part 3 │ part 4 │part 5 │ part 6 │ part 7 │ part 8 │ part 9 │ part 10 │ part 11 │ part 12 │ part 13
roommate!James x shy!reader ♡ 804 words
“Honey, I’m home!”
A smile tugs at your lips, even as you roll your eyes to yourself. James has become more and more fond of these pet names, and of announcing his comings and goings like he’s worried you’ll miss him. (He’s never gone long enough for that, though you might actually miss him if he were.) If you don’t respond in some way or another, he’ll—
“Hey.” He pokes his head through your cracked door. “You alive in here?”
You pause in folding your laundry to give him a deadpan look. “I could have been in my underwear.”
He looks mildly horrified. “I’d hope if you were, you’d close the door all the way.”
“You know, I did manage to stay alive even before you moved in.”
James leans on your doorframe, giving you the sort of lazy grin you have to pretend doesn’t scare butterflies into flight in your stomach. You really hope that wears off soon. “See, but now I’m convinced if I don’t check on you, you really will die and it’ll be my fault.”
“How would it be your fault?”
“Classic case of roommate neglect. I smell the rotting coming from inside your room, the police come, they ask How did you not know your roommate was dead for a month? I reply, Well, officer, she said she could be galavanting in her underwear at any moment. They put me in handcuffs and I spend the next five to fifteen years having Sirius bring me cigarettes I don’t want so that I can trade them for ramen noodles in the yard.”
You scoff, fighting a smile. “As if you would ever eat ramen.”
“That’s what I’m saying, sweetheart. You’d be forcing me upon desperate times. But hey,” he raises his hands in a show of surrender, “I didn’t come in here to discuss prison currency. Would it be alright with you if I had friends over tonight?”
“Of course,” you say, looking back down to match a pair of socks. “You don’t need to ask every time, it’s always alright.”
“Thanks,” he says warmly, “but it makes me feel better to ask. What do you want on your pizza?”
You blink. “Me?”
“Yes, you.” He smiles. Butterflies all over again. “You don’t have to hang out with us to eat it—though we’d love to have you—but I’m not just going to order pizza to your own apartment without having any for you.”
“It’s your apartment, too,” you remind him. “That’d be a very normal thing to do.”
“Irregardless.” James waves you off. You wrinkle your nose at the word choice. “What do you want?”
You swallow a sigh. There are some things, you’ve found, James is nearly impossible to argue with about. If you really dig your heels in, sometimes you can make him move first, but you don’t feel like it right now.
You do the next best thing you can think of: choosing the least obtrusive option. “Cheese is good with me, thanks.”
His eyes narrow like he knows what you’re doing, but he says, “Got it. I’ll let you know when it’s here.”
“Thanks.” You turn your attention back to your laundry. James lingers in the doorway.
A month ago, you would have kept ignoring him, working on the (unfounded) hope that he’d go away. Now, you look up.
“Do you think you might come downstairs and hang out?” he asks. He has a strange look on his face, one you can’t quite decipher. “You know you’re always invited.”
You give James a terse sort of smile. He’s not stopped inviting you to do things since the day he moved in. Your open invitation has been made very clear, and you’ve been accepting it more often lately. James is someone who makes it easy to feel close to him. He tosses pet names at you like they’re nothing, comes to check on you when he gets home, pretends he needs to go grocery shopping just because you need a ride to the store. Last week, you’d sat down to watch a movie with him and woken up to a black screen, your cheek smushed into his shoulder and his head resting atop yours.
Somehow, you’ve let him spill into your life without meaning to, and now you have these childish, crush-like reactions whenever he smiles a certain way or calls you pet names with that familiar bent to his voice. You know you just need time to sort these feelings out. It’d probably be ideal to keep yourself from spilling into his life as much as possible in the meantime.
But it’s hard to deny James anything when he’s so sweet to you. And he’s nice. His friends seem nice.
“I might,” you say.
“I’ll take the win,” James replies, smiling. These butterflies are seriously inconvenient.
#roommate!james potter#shy!reader#roommate!james potter x shy!reader#james potter au#james potter#james potter x shy!reader#james potter x reader#james potter x fem!reader#james potter x y/n#james potter x you#james potter x self insert#james potter fanfiction#james potter fanfic#james potter fic#james potter fluff#james potter imagine#james potter scenario#james potter drabble#james potter blurb#james potter one shot#james potter oneshot#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#the marauders#hp marauders#marauders x reader#marauders au
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The Lookalike (Part 9)
☒ Summary: The first thing you remembered after your death was an argument. “No, this isn’t one of my fucking sluts.” The man behind you exhaled, frustrated. “This is a present for you. Something to help you work through your Alastor fixation.” You awaken in Hell as the near-spitting image of a certain infamous radio host. Unfortunately for you, you immediately fall into the clutches of his nemesis, then into the arms of the Radio Demon himself. The final instalment in the Lookalike series (well, maybe there's room for a little epilogue as a treat)- I hope you guys have enjoyed the ride!
☒ Warnings: hermaphrodite!reader, deer!reader, crying!reader, they/them pronouns used, explicit sexual content, Alastor X reader, Vox x reader, Alastor x Vox, threesome reader is in Hell for a reason, canon typical scenarios.
☒ Series Links: Part I Part2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 6 BONUS SCENE Part 7 Part 8 Epilogue
Who am I? The question chewed at the edge of Vox’s psyche through his ride back to the tower, and through his day. Yeah, who were you? Who the fuck turned up in Hell looking like a freshly minted Radio Demon? Who were you that Alastor was willing to put his signature red tailcoat on your back? Vox swore to himself as he returned to the covert footage of you. Not for the sex, no. But the audio. Sweet nothings on your lips behind closed doors, your unguarded words intended for Alastor’s ears only.
“Oh? You were an antiquarian?”
“Close. I used to curate a museum.”
Vox grinned to himself. It wasn’t much of a clue to your identity, sure, but he also knew the date of your death pretty much to the day. That narrowed it down a lot. One of Voxtek’s most lucrative activities was keeping track of the dead- through obituaries and missing person reports from the living world. More people than not ended up in Hell, and there was always money to be made tracking down a new arrival. Vox put a search out for museum curators dead or missing in the last month, and, on a hunch, narrowed it to the US.
There were a handful of candidates, but running an eye over the list, there was only one person you could be, realistically speaking. Only one museum that you could have run.
“Welcome, welcome, one and all,” you spoke to yourself under your breath, words buzzing behind your teeth in practiced harmony as you walked, the phrasing coming to you without thinking after years of practice, to help you slide into the transatlantic accent. “To the Louisiana Historical Radio Museum.”
The territory that Kennedy claimed as overlord wasn’t far from the hotel, so you walked it, the smell of burning plastic cooling on the evening air. You had a smile on your lips as you strolled, humming an old jazz standard. Sinners cringed, backing into dark alleys and doorways to avoid being in your path, and you twirled your cane. Your resemblance to Alastor was more a hindrance than a benefit here, in that it curtailed several possible avenues of approach. Difficult to form a friendly connection, or talk your way into someone’s home, when you wore an outfit synonymous with the word monster. But that was probably just as well- you were hungry for a kill, and desperation was a quality that people could smell a mile off. Besides, your new body did afford some advantages, ones you had spent your weeks at the hotel honing.
Stepping into one of the back alleys and letting the shadows shroud your form, you pressed your talons to the wall. Sharp and strong, they found purchase, and you scaled the side of the building within a few seconds, crawling up and onto the roof. That was a feat that you would have struggled to replicate with your human body, but here you were a different creature, all sharp edges and horrid, grinning points.
The first thing Vox did after finding your name was to check for it on the Voxtek systems.
There were certainly a lot of people down here who wanted to find you. Most names popped up with half a dozen requests, tops- usually immediate family, a lover. You had… huh, that was a lot. And over how many years? Vox felt his screen lag slightly as he scanned the names. None of them relations. Older than you, or close in age. Unless you were the world’s greatest Lothario and all these guys were queuing up for a post mortem hook-up, there was only one kind of person who got this kind of ask list before they died.
“Jesus tittyfucking Christ,” said Vox, mostly to himself. What the fuck had Val been thinking, dumping you on his bedroom floor without so much as a background check? No wonder Alastor liked you so much.
Years of practice had taught you that killing was more art than science; that the most thorough of preparations could be derailed in an instant and that opportunities would present themselves, if you just allowed them. The universe opened itself to those who were generous, and if you left yourself flexible to the how, the act itself was often simply a matter of having the guts to do what the moment needed. This didn’t mean that the task before you didn’t fill you with trepidation, however- quite the contrary. Kennedy was bigger than you physically, an overlord when you were not, and you had little understanding of how or why physical capabilities varied from sinner to sinner. Niffty, for example, was deceptively strong despite her small size- you had seen her do things like break the lock on the cabinet behind the bar in search of bugs to kill.
You had overpowered Alastor, briefly, but that was with angelic wire and the element of surprise, Alastor with a wound across his chest. Relying solely on physical superiority wasn’t smart, and neither was picking a situation where Kennedy could fight back.
Alastor clearly thought you were up to the task. He’d given you his red tailcoat to wear, and you could tell how precious it was to him, from the way he fretted over the way it hung, the ragged edges on the tails. He wouldn’t have let you wear it if he thought you would fail. But his confidence in you was no reason to be foolhardy.
You stalked from roof to roof across the overlord’s territory, noting the deployment of the soldiers in Kennedy’s livery. They loitered, undisciplined, at street corners and food stands, harassing passing sinners, but they were out in force.
“Ugh, there you are.” It took you a second to realize the billboard was talking to you, another to realize it had Vox’s face, scowling at you from an ad for Vox brand soda. “Why the fuck don’t you have a phone yet?
“Maybe because I don’t want people knowing where I am at all times? Not that that seems to be working.” You walked to the edge of the roof, gauging the distance with your eyes, and leapt the width of the narrow alleyway to the next building, landing with a bark of laughter, a giddy feeling in your chest. In your previous life, parkour hadn’t been so much a hobby as an occasional necessity, but your new body took to it with aplomb, your feet finding their place with a flex of your new ankles and knees.
“Seems like yesterday that you could barely walk, now look at you.” Vox leered at you from a second billboard as you walked the roof, long shadows and sharp angles. On top of your head your antlers thrummed, branching in the darkness.
You glanced up. “You helped me find my feet. I’m grateful,” you said, and felt your smile grow wider as a blush, an actual, honest-to-god blush bloomed on Vox’s wide, rectangular face before you turned away, leaping a second alley. Oh, you were graceful now.
“Hey! Can you stand still for one fuckin’ second? I wanna talk to you.” Vox was on the billboard on top of this building now, his face taking the place of the chef in an ad for Voxtek brand ovens.
You relented, squatting down by the frame that supported the billboard, checking out the layout of the streets below and hooking your cane across the back of your shoulders. “Can it wait? I have plans tonight.”
“Oh, fuck my life.” Vox shook his head and you watched with interest as the giant chef on the billboard crouched down to the bottom on the frame. “Of course you’re going after fucking Kennedy.” It was curious, how his demeanor had changed since the overlord’s meeting- there, he’d been keen to scare you, telling you at length about Kennedy’s powers and deeds- but now he seemed resigned to your hunt. What had changed? Had he actually talked to Alastor?
Your plan for tonight had been to scope out his living arrangement, maybe a little stalking, but Vox didn’t need to know that. Instead, you asked a question. “Are you going to stop me?”
Vox raised an eyebrow, the virtual plate of venison behind him steaming. “The fuck would I stop you, baby deer? Hell’s most wanted making their spectacular debut?”
Hell’s most wanted? You felt your ears flatten to your skull, a shiver in your gut. What the fuck did Vox know? “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Now, now.” Vox grinned, a glint in his eye. “If you wanna pretend to be Alastor, you’ve gotta smile at least,” he said, and you reached to your face, finding your mouth a single, serious line. You corrected it as Vox continued. “Yeah, there’s a few south americans with a longer list of victims than yours, but I think I’m entitled to some fucking creative license on this, ya know.”
He knew. He had your identity, somehow. And likely the names of the people you had killed who had ended up in Hell. Which would be all of them, if there was any justice in the universe. You breathed out, slow and even, careful to keep your smile in place this time. “Alright. What do you want?”
“Why didn’t you kill me in my sleep?” Vox asked. You thought he was joking at first, but the expression in his eyes told you otherwise. You thought of the nights you’d spent with him, body curled round his, your cheek against the lower edge of his screen. He had been completely unguarded in those moments, and you had been his prisoner.
You gave Vox a puzzled smile. “You were giving me orgasms and food, why the fuck would I kill you?”
“Oh.” If anything, Vox seemed taken aback by your response. Was that more pink and red on his screen? “I, uh- I could do that again.”
“Was that all? You’re not going to threaten me?” You stood, spinning your cane around your wrist. “Like I said, I do have things to do tonight.”
“Now, wait! Wait just one goddamn second, baby deer.” Vox followed you across the billboard as you walked. “I can help.”
That did make you pause. In the mortal world you would have refused without a second thought- an accomplice was a witness and a liability. But here? In Hell, there was no law enforcement save what the overlords dispensed. You would never have asked Vox for a favor, but if he was going to offer his services? For free? Alastor would probably be sniffy about it, but who could blame you for making use of all the resources at your disposal? You looked up at him again. “Can you edit camera footage in real time?”
“Uh, sure.” Vox grinned. “You want me to edit you out of it, yeah?”
“Mhm.” You nodded. “And you’re doing this gratis, right?” This bit was important- you didn’t want to end up owing your soul for something like this.
“Relax, baby deer, trust me,” said Vox, eyes half-lidded, and his voice might have sounded seductive if you weren’t thinking about bloodshed. “No charge, just helping a friend out.”
It took most sinners years to get to the point where they could allow their bodies to shift beyond human norms. Even then, most people made it as far as some horns, some claws, a bit of size before their mental preconceptions, or whatever most people had, stopped them dead. But here you were, full fucking cryptid, crawling the fucking walls. Yeah, you didn’t have Alastor’s freaky shadow powers, and you were still pretty much the same size as you had been, but it barely mattered in this context, with the dark covering you. You were still a monster with glowing dials for eyes.
Vox might have assumed Alastor had done something to you to make you this way if he hadn’t known your history.
Vox might have remembered to be scared if he wasn’t rock hard in his pants just from watching you.
It was almost a shame that you resembled Alastor so strongly. A newly fledged sinner taking down an overlord would be big news, enough to fill the channels with speculation and talking heads for half a cycle at least, but someone who looked like Alastor doing it was just Radio Demon bites man, an item for a slow news day.
Editing you out of footage in real time wasn’t difficult for Vox. You were eerily good at finding the blind spots on the security feeds as you made your approach to Kennedy’s building, only lingering in exposed sections when the alternative would see you in a sinner’s line of sight. Sometimes you would look up at a camera, a tilt of your grinning head to acknowledge his presence as a viewer.
The whole thing was kind of fun, if Vox was honest with himself, the only thing missing from the whole caper being an earpiece to let him annoy your with commentary. It reminded him of accompanying Alastor on his errands, back in the old days, when Alastor would display his full demonic form and then give a small, backwards glance to Vox, to check he was being properly admired.
You hummed the opening bars of the saints as you scaled the wall of Kennedy’s building, ascending to the penthouse. Security cameras were trained on the outer walls to prevent exactly this sort of egress, but you trusted Vox enough that you paid only minimal attention to them, keeping to the blind spots where you could, crawling in shadows where you couldn’t.
You’d been through longer dry spells than this one in your lifetime. A six month stint here, a year there; all of them spent in a state of tension, a spring wound tightly enough that the metal threatened stress fractures. In the few weeks you’d spent in Hell you’d had sex and entertainment aplenty, that ought to have been enough to take the edge from your need. Why then, did this feel worse? You could feel the anticipation running through you, taste it like blood in your mouth. You wanted violence. You wanted pain. You wanted control.
Perhaps that was why you felt like this, so needy that your fingernails ached, that your teeth grew long and pointed in your grin. When you’d held yourself back before it had been of your own accord, lying low to avoid scrutiny, from the police or from your quarry, but here you had been a prisoner of circumstance, first a literal prisoner and then constrained by your own nascent body. You hauled yourself over the ledge and onto the external sill of the penthouse windows, briefly confronted by the reddish glow of your own eyes in the reflection. The glass was single glazed, not shatterproof, the latches easy enough to manipulate from the outside. You could get inside any time you wanted.
You crept round the penthouse from the outside of the building, looking into each room in turn. A lounge area, a kitchen with a breakfast bar, open plan. A bathroom, a jacuzzi tub pressed up against the window for a questionable view of Pentagram City’s skyline.
Finally, the bedroom. Kennedy, asleep. But the effects strewn around the floor of the room belonged to more than one person. You remained still, listening, and sure enough there was a sob from behind the closed door of the ensuite bathroom. Partner? Whore? Probably the latter, given the man had killed his last three partners. Either way, it didn’t matter- it was still someone who would scream if they saw you.
You paused. You didn’t really want collateral, but having a witness was bad too. Not as bad as it would be topside, but Alastor wanted the killing to reflect on the reputation of the Radio Demon, which was easier if no-one saw.
You sucked your lip, thinking. Fuck it. You were unlikely to get a cleaner opportunity than this, and even if it went completely to shit, you still had avenues of escape available. It wasn’t like there was a police force in Hell, anyway.
With a well-placed percussive strike to the frame, you damaged the latch enough to slide open the window and stepped into the room, tucking your cane under one arm as you dropped to the floor.
Opening the bathroom door brought you face to face with a pig sinner with running mascara. You clamped a hand over their mouth to stop them crying out in surprise, then lifted a dramatic finger to your own smiling lips. They nodded once, in understanding, and you released their face before gesturing to the bedroom door. Go. Now.
They obeyed, an expression of terror in their panda-ringed eyes, and you turned to the bed, your quarry’s sleeping form, a surge of ardor coursing through your body. The fleeing pig sinner was likely to alert someone, but you stopped to soak in the moment anyway, the air in your lungs feeling briefly like fire, your pulse resounding through your tongue and through your loins. Here you were. Here was your true self. Glimpsed in the mirror of the walk-in wardrobe, your antlers looked like the tops of dead trees before a yellow moon, like old bones emerging from the bayou in a season of drought, and your breath was the noise of rain on powerlines, an ominous, crackling hum.
There wasn’t a struggle. Only release, sweet and wet and bloody.
What the fuck was taking you so long? For some reason that Vox didn’t understand, Kennedy had neglected to install cameras in his penthouse suite, and he cycled impatiently through the feeds outside. There was certainly something happening inside, a few of Kennedy’s goons milling around the doors. But no sign of you. Vox waited.
He was fairly sure you weren’t in trouble, but what if you were? You were a new sinner, after all, even if you were a murderer, no souls to your name, and no-one knew how exactly how the strength of someone’s soul was determined.
Finally, he phoned Kennedy’s number.
You looked up from the mess of blood on the bed at the glowing blue rectangle of the phone on the dresser. Vox, the screen read.
Oh, your hands were so slick with blood. It took you a couple tries to activate the touch screen, your fingertips leaving red-brown smears that made the screen trip out.
“Vox!” You felt so good now; it made you want to sing. There was blood on your tongue and on your face. “I got a phone!”
“Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, you fucking ate him, didn’t you.” Vox’s irritation seeped through the surface of the phone, and he sighed. “Listen carefully, baby deer- you need to get the fuck out of there.”
“What? Why?”
“Because Kennedy’s goons think the Radio Demon is in there. Look, baby, you’re dangerous, I get that. I respect it. But you’re nowhere near Al’s level. You’re not gonna hold your own against twenty guys with machine guns. Get the fuck out of that building.”
Somewhere between the swearing and the threats, you started to feel a little more like your normal self. You glanced back at the bed- the remnants of Kennedy didn’t look like anything other than random, discarded meat- he wasn’t coming back, and hopefully that would be good enough for Alastor. “Got it,” you said, and after a couple of failed bloody finger swipes, managed to hang up on Vox.
Popping Kennedy’s phone into your pocket, you headed out.
The path to the hotel ought to have been clear. It had been, when you had headed out. But on your return you found the final intersection before the hotel populated by gangsters, guns trained in all dimensions. They looked nervous. You caught a whisper on the air. Radio Demon.
Of course. You had been seen.
Of course. They were waiting for you. For Alastor.
You stared at the line of goons guarding the intersection, the hotel just beyond them. You tried to take a step forward, but something stopped you, the rattle of a chain, and a pressure on your ankle. Of course. No bringing trouble to the hotel. That had been one of the conditions of your original contract with Alastor, and it was coming into play now. No going through. And chances were that Kennedy’s people had surrounded the hotel in the hopes of catching Alastor. What were your options? You could stay on the streets for the night, bloodstained and dangerous, and hope that you didn’t get caught in any acid rain.
Or you could take your second option. Gingerly, you reached into your pocket and pulled out Kennedy’s phone. His contacts list was sadly devoid of people you knew, so you phoned Vox again.
“Yeah?” He picked up before you had the phone to your ear, and you grinned at the thought that he was waiting for a call back.
“Can I crash at yours tonight? Some guys have barricaded the road to the hotel.” You paused a beat. “No funny stuff.”
There was, of course, another reason you wanted to see Vox. The list of your quarry who were still in Hell was a temptation and a half. Even now, when you were full and sated, with Kennedy’s blood still drying on your skin, you could feel the appeal of it, the symmetry- to hunt the bad men that you had hunted before.
Vox sighed as he grabbed a pair of tumblers and a bottle of yamazaki single malt from his liquor cabinet. This would be so easy, if only he could hypnotize you. And it wasn’t like he couldn’t- he could feel the give of your mind with each little push- you were strong willed but that was all. He had taken stronger minds than yours. He had taken Alastor, for fuck’s sake, had made his eyes glaze over and his slight body go limp under his influence. He had pushed Alastor’s mind, and he’d told himself it had been worth it, up until the point when Alastor had found his abuse, and those red eyes had turned from hard-earned trust to betrayal.
So no, he wouldn’t hypnotize you, even if you had just walked straight into his personal quarters looking like you just walked out of an abattoir and asked to use his sound system.
He’d been right about his impression of you over the phone- you were euphoric and reckless, probably as a side-effect of eating Pentagram’s newest overlord. VNN already had reporters on the scene and there was barely a scrap of Kennedy left, with at least two witnesses now claiming to have seen the Radio Demon.
You were sat about a foot from the speakers, cross-legged, sit bones on the floor, your right hoof resting on your left knee as you basked in the music. Vox crouched beside you, pressing a tumbler into your hand, and, as he was close, pressed his face to the back of your head and breathed in your scent. Fuck, you even smelled like Alastor now; the same mix of musk, formaldehyde and blood that Vox remembered.
Gently, you grabbed the edge of his screen and moved him away. “Stop that.”
“Why should I stop?” Vox asked, his voice coaxing. “You’re worried Alastor’s gonna be mad?”
“No, I think he’d be upset. And I don’t think you want him to be upset either.” You raised an eyebrow at him, and Vox felt a chill run down his spine. “Do you, Vox?”
Fuck. Vox pulled a face. “Am I that easy to read?”
“Maybe.” Your smile was small, and your ears twitched at some unheard thing. “You’re going to need another glass.”
Vox frowned. “For you?”
Your smile grew wider. “For Alastor.”
“Alastor?” Vox repeated.
“Speak of the devil,” said Alastor, his elocution crisp as he manifested from the shadow. “And he shall appear.”
One of the most basic workings in Vodou, the one that Alastor’s mother had warned him to avoid being trapped by, was the exchange of fluids. If a man consumed the menses of a woman, it was trivially easy for her to control him, track him, whatever she wanted. The same was true with men and their seed, and it behooved any practitioner to be careful who they accepted food from. A mutual consumption was a stronger link still, a little of the practitioner in the target and a little of the target in the practitioner.
Though you were neither male nor female, his own personal blasphemous sacred twin, there had certainly been enough exchange of fluids between you. Alastor could feel the power latent in the link; an ancient, primal sort of magic. It wasn’t the sort of thing he usually dabbled in, and if his microphone had been intact he wouldn’t have even considered it, but in his current state it was a comfort. He tuned out the banal late night chatter at the hotel bar in favor of the link to you, the smile on his face automatic. He felt you as you moved across the city, to your intended location, and then your return path to the hotel.
And then, your failure to return.
“Sir?” Niffty asked, a small hand on his knee. Something must have showed in his eyes, because both Angel and Husk were looking at him too. “Is something wrong?”
Alastor gave a terse smile. “Never better,” he said, rising from his seat. “I have merely remembered an errand I must run.”
And run was the operative word, as yet again the conditions of his deal with you compelled him. He would keep you free of being Vox’s prisoner. He had promised.
He had slid across the city and through the tower, a shadow, depleting precious reserves of power, his compass to you unerring, and his heart had lurched when he had found you in Vox’s personal quarters, sat in front of the sound system. When Vox had knelt to smell your hair, Alastor had felt his antlers creak as they grew, fierce and territorial.
Vox’s voice was wheedling, the same tone that had always worked on him somehow. “You’re worried Alastor’s gonna be mad?”
“No,” came your voice, a touch more forceful than you usually were. “I just think he’d be upset. And I don’t think you want him to be upset either. Do you, Vox?”
“Am I that easy to read?” Vox’s face was pathetic, and Alastor’s heart lurched again, with something like pity this time, or perhaps regret. They had been friends once, great friends.
“Al-” Vox breathed, eyes wide.
Alastor stepped past him, to you. His smile was wan. “Darling, you smell like bloodshed,” he said, proffering a red-taloned hand and helping you to your feet. “We should go.”
“Vox was just pouring us drinks,” you said, not wanting the evening to end particularly. Vox still had your list of victims, and the sound system was just as sublime as you thought it would be.
Vox gave you a grateful look, and waggled his expensive bottle of single malt. Alastor looked between the two of you, and sighed. “I suppose we can stay for a round or two,” he said, spreading his fingers. “But at least put some decent music on.”
That was how you had ended up on the couch in Vox’s private quarters, half sitting on Alastor’s lap, a glass of whiskey in your hand, listening to the musical stylings of Papa Celestin on Vox’s frankly impressive sound system as Alastor, now down to shirtsleeves, told stories about some of the band members- who had played with who and who had cheated at cards. It seemed like every time you had nearly finished your drink Vox was there with the bottle again, not just for you but for Alastor. A few drinks later, the playlist had moved on to Johnny Hodges ballads and Alastor was handsy, his talons tracing lines over your antlers, your neck, your back, and down over your hips.
“And then his brother formed a band with Scrapper Blackwell’s bassist,” said Alastor, fingers pressing over your tail. “Mimzy was dating their percussionist for a while.”
“Wait a damn minute Al, you’ve told me this one before.” Vox was temptingly close on the couch next to you, but he made no overtures, apparently content to watch Alastor run his hands over you. “I thought you said it was the pianist?”
Alastor hummed, one claw hooking its way into your already loosened bow tie and pulling it open. “Maybe it was both. That would explain why the rhythm section was so lively.”
You relaxed into his touch, your earlier violence rendering you satiated and languorous; content to go where he led you. You smiled up at Alastor, baring your neck to him as he undid the top button of your shirt.
Vox made a noise in his throat. “Al? Are you-”
“Why shouldn’t I?” Alastor’s grin was lopsided as his attention flicked to Vox. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before, after all.”
To make a point, Alastor dipped his head to kiss you. It was messier than he usually was, Alastor’s breath reeking of alcohol, and his tongue caressed your lips and cheeks, tasting the blood that stained them.
“Fuck,” Alastor breathed, his pupils wide as he broke the kiss. “Darling, you taste like dead overlord.”
“You would know, Al,” Vox shot, and Alastor grinned.
“Vox,” he called, like a man trying to coax a pet dog. “You really should have a taste.”
You sat up and watched with amusement as Vox feigned insouciance, shuffling closer to you on the couch as Alastor held you, one arm possessive around your waist. You wondered for a second if he would take the coward’s way out, and press his tongue to your forehead or your cheek, but Vox, with an expression close to awe, pushed a little of your blood-matted hair back from your cheek, his talontips under your jaw, and kissed you.
Vox’s lips were the tingle of static, his tongue shivering hot as it twined against yours, pressing up against your teeth and your gums, and you groaned into the kiss. Alastor’s grip on your waist tightened, and you felt him grow turgid, cock pressing up against your ass as Vox kissed you.
When Vox broke the kiss his eyes held something akin to despair, fingers trailing on your jaw as Alastor pulled you to him, a fierce, possessive look on his face. You rolled your hips back, grinding against Alastor’s erection through layers of fabric, and enjoyed the shiver he gave; the way his cock grew hard and hot, his face pressing into your neck, points of his teeth grazing your skin with lines of hot sensation that you would probably regret in the morning.
Vox hesitated, wary of Alastor’s jealousy, and you caught him by the collar, pulling him in for a second kiss. His chest pressed against yours, sandwiching you between him and Alastor, Alastor’s tongue tracing hot lines against the sensitive skin of your neck as Vox’s tangled in your mouth, the heartfelt groan that Vox gave resonating through the three of you.
“Thank you,” gasped Vox, his eyes closed, though you weren’t sure if it was directed at you, Alastor, or God. It didn’t matter. You traced the hard lines of his square face with your fingers, feeling Alastor’s hands on your hips, pulling you firmly against him, as if to remind you whose bed you slept in. You turned your head to kiss Alastor, the kiss breathless and full of urgency, his teeth nipping bloody at your lips, and Vox’s hands were at the buttons of your shirt, peeling back the fabric that stuck to your skin with half-dry overlord blood.
Vox’s talented lips kissed over your chest, then your stomach, the static from his screen making your skin prickle as your hairs stood on end.
“You want the television demon to blow you, darling?” Alastor murmured, his lips brushing the fur on your ears, the tips of your antlers, and his words went straight to your cock, stirring you to half-mast. “You want his mouth on you?”
“Yes,” you murmured, and that was all it took for Vox to have your pants off, Alastor releasing your hips for long enough that Vox could maneuver you into a position where Vox could blow you. The upper edge of his rectangular head was level with your diaphragm as he took you in, his tongue gentle as he coaxed you to hardness. The inside of his mouth was warm, his tongue almost buzzing against your cock as he wound it round in a spiral, and you shivered as he did, resisting the urge to grab him by the edges of his face and fuck into him. A whine escaped your throat, low and needy.
Alastor kissed your neck, his eyes curious as he watched Vox take you to the hilt in his mouth. “But where does it go?” he asked, his gaze on the back of Vox’s extremely flat head, red eyes narrowed.
You closed your eyes, still basking in the sensation of Vox’s tongue around your shaft, the soft flesh at the back of his mouth. “The Head Dimension, of course,” you said, and you felt Vox nearly gag with laughter; not an entirely unpleasant feeling, except that he pulled his mouth from your cock almost immediately.
“Jesus, Bambi, don’t make me laugh like that!” Vox gaped at you, wiping a digital tear from his face. “Fuck!”
Alastor tittered, the noise silvery, his narrow chest shaking with mirth as he leaned into your shoulder. “He’s just pissy that he didn’t think of that first,” he said. “Wordplay was never his strong point.”
“I’ll show you my strong point,” muttered Vox, peeling off his own shirt as he did.
“Oh, I’m sure we’ll get to that eventually,” said Alastor, and you remembered how his cock had twitched inside you each time he had teased Vox in the armchair. “In the meantime-” he continued, hooking a clawed hand around your hip and pulling you to him once more, turning you to face him in his lap. “We have more important things to deal with.”
“The fuck did you do to their back, Al?” complained Vox, his hands warm on the furrows that Alastor’s claws had carved across your shoulders the night previous, but Alastor ignored him, kissing you lightly as he guided your hand to his fly, the fabric there taut with his arousal. You touched him, through the fabric first and then unfastening his fly and easing him out, a surge of sympathetic lust through your core as you held his cock in your hand, palm curling round his hardness. The noise he gave was a soft one, an exhalation of breath through his nose accompanied by a beat of deeper than appliance pitch humming.
You palmed Alastor’s cock, and his fingers went to your antlers, dancing lightly across the tines, each touch of his a musical note that resonated through your skull, your spine and down to your core, making you tremble, aching with want as you watched Alastor’s antlers expand in turn. Vox didn’t touch them, but you could feel him watching keenly, his own electrical powers a fuzzy interference at the periphery of your senses as you pumped Alastor’s cock with your hand.
“Inside me?” you asked Alastor, not least because having his cock in your palm made you ache with desire, and Alastor nodded, leaning back a little to let you straddle him. You guided him with your hand as you lowered yourself onto him, watching the delicious way he smiled as you did so; the way he bit his lip, his eyes fluttering half closed.
“Fuck,” Alastor spoke the word like a prayer rather than a curse as you sank onto him, Vox’s hands on your shoulders, then your waist, Alastor spreading his knees to let Vox between them.
“You look so fucking pretty like that,” said Vox, his voice full of gravel as he reached around you, hand finding your cock and folding around it, but his eyes were on Alastor, as well as you, as he spoke.
Vox’s grip was as firm as it had been when he had crawled into bed with you on your first night in Hell, and no less effective, pumping in time as you rode Alastor, your thighs working to lift and lower you. At first it seemed like Alastor would be content to be ridden, his face flushed and his hips staying in place as he made soft groans of appreciation, but when he kissed you and a squeeze of Vox’s hand made you whimper against his lips, Alastor’s hand joined Vox’s around your cock, talons curling around the back of Vox’s hand and forcing him to tighten his grip.
There was a moment of electricity then, Vox’s breath stilling in his throat, his bare chest pressed flush against your back.
“What’s the matter?” Alastor asked Vox, his expression sly and teasing as he forced Vox’s hand to grip you, started it moving again at a steady, sublime cadence. “You’ve never objected to a guiding hand before.”
Vox’s audio glitched before he spoke, accompanied by a myclonic jerk that you felt through his chest against your back, his hand involuntary squeezing around your shaft. “A-Alastor,” he stuttered, his audio still clipping, for all the world as if their hands were clasped around Vox’s cock rather than yours. “Oh, god.”
Alastor smirked against your neck, pretending careless superiority, but he couldn’t hide the pleasant twitch of arousal his cock gave inside your cunt when Vox moaned his name. Vox was right, though; Alastor did look beautiful, color on his cheeks that could have been the drink or arousal or both, his lips parted, as he panted through his jagged teeth, still smiling, always smiling, as his hair fell in strands across his face, his antlers handsomely tall.
When had you become so fond of him, you wondered, as he guided Vox’s hand in a pattern that had you aching for release, a pulse through your core as precum beaded at your tip. You stilled your hips as the sensation of their hands together on your cock threatened to overwhelm you, sinking down fully onto Alastor’s cock and pressing your face into his shirt with a whimper.
“What’s this?” Alastor turned his teasing smile on you now, rather than Vox. “So close already?” He nipped at the edge of your ear, not hard enough to do damage, but enough that you could feel the fine points of his teeth, and you gasped. “You know, of course, that it won’t save you? That we will keep going until we’ve had our fill of you?”
“We?” Vox repeated, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and hoarse, and your stomach swooped as you caught the implication too. “That mean what I think it means, Al?”
“My delightful friend here has two holes, after all,” said Alastor, pressing his cheek to your antler. “It seems a waste to use only one of them.”
You half expected Vox to run off and get a toy, but instead he fetched a bottle of lubricant from a compartment under the couch, and kissed his way down your back, over your shoulders and the claw marks that Alastor had made, his screen warm against the small of your back, making the fur on your tail stand on end.
“You’re gonna love this, baby deer,” said Vox, one hand on your back pushing you forward over Alastor. “Trust me,” he added wryly, when you gave a doubtful backwards glance.
“With your tongue?” Alastor’s tone was both scandalized and fascinated as he peered over your shoulder at Vox.
Vox didn’t bother answering him, simply spread your ass apart a little with his hands and set to work. His tongue was like white noise on your skin as he lapped at your entrance, wet and hot as he dragged it over sensitive flesh. You felt exposed; even like this, with Alastor’s cock to the hilt inside your cunt, you felt exposed. You cried out as Vox’s tongue made egress, the narrow tip pushing past your tight ring of muscle and then inside.
“Fuck,” you whimpered, your face in Alastor’s collar again, and Alastor must have noticed how Vox’s tongue pressed against your walls, against his cock inside you, because he looked sharply at Vox.
“Keep doing that,” he said, a sharp note of desire in his voice, and you felt Vox’s groan as he pushed his tongue a little further in, the sensation all slickness and pressure as his tongue stroked Alastor’s cock through the thin layer of your flesh.
Alastor found your cock with his hand again, his smile cruel as he caressed your shaft. “You’re going to come, aren’t you, darling? You’re going to spend yourself with Vox’s tongue up your ass.”
It wasn’t fair. You could barely think straight, let alone give any answer other than an obscene, whorish whimper, not with both of them working your insides and Alastor’s knowing hand on your cock. The first time you’d met, he’d shown you how he knew your body better than you did yourself, and that was still true now, the strength of his grip and his tempo nothing other than perfection as he ground his hips up into you, rutting into you and rutting against Vox’s tongue, each movement one of blinding ecstasy, sensation so strong that it seemed to bleed into senses other than touch. You had no chance to catch your breath, no surcease from the assault, and no choice other than to feel yourself fall, your whole body seeming to seize in orgasm, the cry in your throat free of static as your cunt and cock pulsed in time, painting a white line up Alastor’s red shirt and spattering his cheek.
“See? What did I tell you?” Vox’s grin was triumphant as he pulled his tongue from you, his claws caressing your tail. Your body was still sensitive from the aftershocks, and his simple touch brought another one on, an involuntary animal cry in your throat. Vox scoffed and squeezed again, threading his talons through your fur, the sensation alone enough to make your stomach flutter, and through the corner of your eye you saw him take one of the discarded whiskey glasses and drain it, swilling it around his mouth before he swallowed.
“Oh, oh, sweetheart,” Alastor wiped your cum from his cheek and brought his fingers to your mouth, slipping his talons between your lips for you to suck clean. His voice was a croon, his breath hitching with each spasm that wracked you. “You fit me just perfectly, don’t you?”
You hummed around his fingers in response. It was an act of trust, just as much as the sex was- your teeth were every bit as sharp as his- and his fingers felt good in your mouth, like a gift. You closed your eyes, tracing the delicate lines of his fingers with your tongue, and felt as Vox lined himself up behind you, the warm tip of his cock resting first against your tail, then sliding down, the tip leaving a trail of wetness as he lined up with your entrance, the tip brushing against the flesh he had lapped with his tongue a few moments before.
Vox breathed out heavily, talons cradling your hips. “Are you sure about this, Al?”
“I think it’s customary,” said Alastor, a little snippily. “To ask that to the person you are about to fuck.”
“Shit.” You felt the tension in Vox’s body at Alastor’s rebuke. “You, uh, doin’ okay there, baby deer?”
You released Alastor’s fingers from your mouth, and turned your head to Vox, as far as you could twist with Alastor still inside you. Vox leaned in to accommodate, and you caught his lips with yours, hooking your forearm round his screen to keep him close as you kissed him, Alastor pressing his lips to your neck as you did. Taking the kiss as assent, Vox pushed into you, slowly.
Your inebriation and your orgasm helped make you loose, and Vox had been liberal with the lubricant on his tongue, but with Alastor inside you as well the fit was a tight one. Alastor tensed when he felt Vox push his way into your ass, his hips stilling and the soft hiss of static escaping his lips.
“God,” mumbled Vox as he bottomed out, his claws on your hips tight enough to mark you. “Fucking god. Al.”
Alastor didn’t bother with words, but the strangled noise in his throat might as well have been agreement.
Both of their eyes fluttered closed, and you felt a tremble in Vox’s arms. They could feel each other. They could feel each other inside you, both of them together stuffing you to the brim.
“I- I’m gonna move now,” said Vox, a pleading edge to his voice. He swallowed, edge of his screen knocking briefly against your antlers. “Tell me if it hurts.”
“It doesn’t hurt,” you managed, briefly getting yourself to a state where you could form actual words rather than animalistic whimpering. “Just full.”
“If he hurts you,” said Alastor, into your collarbone. “I will eviscerate him.”
“Fuck me.” Vox exhaled again, sounding more like himself. “I have never seen him this fucking protective. Of anyone. But sure thing Al, I'll go gentle.”
True to his word, Vox went slowly as he fucked you, fucked both of you. Post orgasmic and still sensitive, the sensation of it filled your awareness; at the apex you were so full that everything pressed together, Vox’s cock pressing into Alastor’s through your thin divider of flesh, Alastor’s cock pushed almost by default into the sensitive spongy tissue that he would usually need to angle his hips to find. There was no escape, not for you nor for Alastor- Vox’s cock stroking his as much as it was fucking you, and you found yourself crying out in tandem with him, the same sweet noises from both your throats, the sound so close that it made strange beats and harmonies around you. Vox kissed you, sensuous and open mouthed, then Alastor kissed you, fierce and possessive, then Vox again, lapping up the blood that Alastor had drawn from your lips, your head swimming as two sets of claws held you in place.
You grew hard again, your body responding to being pressed between the two of them and fucked, and Vox took your cock in his hand, a victorious growl from his throat.
“You wanna cum round Al’s cock again, don't you, baby deer,” Vox’s voice was thick with desire, his hand firm as he handled your already overstimulated cock. Even a gentle stroke would have been too much, and his manipulation was more than that.
“I can't-” you managed between gasps of air. With both of them in you, you were stuffed to the brim, each roll of Vox’s hips bringing tears to your eyes. “Too much. Please.”
“You want him to feel you twitching around him, though, don't you?” Vox’s voice was coaxing, the hand that wasn't stroking your cock hooking round your waist, the heel of his hand pressing into your stomach, below your navel, pressing everything together inside you. “You want him to feel good, don't you?” said Vox, his breath hot on the back of your neck, and you stared into Alastor's lust-blown eyes, feeling the way Alastor trembled each time Vox ploughed into you, only your inner wall separating them.
“Yes,” you whimpered, but it was Alastor who cried out, drawing blood from his own lip, his hands tight on your hips. Alastor came a second before you did, his seed inside you a wave of heat as your cunt pulsed around him, your cock twitching weakly in Vox’s hand.
“Fuck-” Vox breathed, clinging to you tightly, the edge of his screen digging hard into the tops of your shoulders as the feeling of you and Alastor coming dragged him over the edge, his composure lost, and you made a noise in your throat as you felt him shoot his load in you, into your already overstuffed hole.
For a moment, the two of them inside you filled the entirety of your awareness, the pulsing warmth that filled your stomach, the tight grip that both Alastor and Vox had on you. Then you sank forward onto Alastor’s shoulder, and the grips became slow caresses, claws gentle against your bruised skin. Both of them praising you, neither man quite ready to look the other in the eye. They pulled out of you, and it occurred to you that you needed a shower, but you had barely enough energy left in you to lay back on Vox’s couch, your forearm over your eyes.
The last thing you remembered before you blacked out was Vox pouring another finger of obscenely expensive Japanese whiskey, some Ella Fitzgerald playing as the two of them admired how pretty you looked with their cum leaking out of you.
If this was Hell, then what the fuck went on in Heaven?
#alastor x reader#vox x reader#alastor x vox#alastor x reader x vox#radiostatic x reader#alastor x you#alastor x y/n#hazbin x reader#antlerplay#vox x y/n#vox x you#vox x alastor#radiostatic x you#radiostatic x y/n#radio demon x reader
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Olympics Games (One Love 9)
Hi guys :)
I don't want to talk about today's game so straight to the new chapter from One Love ♥
Please enjoy :)
TW : None
(1) | (2) | (3) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (8)
Ona is tired. Like fucking really tired. She never felt as exhausted as she is right now after loosing the semi-finale of the Olympics Games. And what is rather alarming, is that she’s not only physically tired but her mental health is pretty low too.
Like some of her national teammates, Mariona for example, she played a lot of games during the last season. She played during the World Cup last year, the National Cup too and now she has the Olympics to play. The tiredness was easier to manage while they were winning, but it’s not the case anymore and she’s exhausted.
She’s exhausted to have to fight against her Federation and she’s exhausted to have to deal with the shit their coach is doing with the national team. They need someone who fight for them and know what she did and it’s not something they have now. Without pretension, Spain's team has some of the best players in the world and they aren’t in the Finale.
Ona knew that Lucy reserved a plane to come to see her play Saturday at Paris, not Friday at Lyon. She felt so exhausted and angry after their lost game that she didn’t have the strength to cry. She hated that game, hated the way the staff made them play and hated the way Cata Coll was the one who took the lost on her back.
She almost burst into tears when she saw that her family was waiting for her outside the stadium after the game, and she let herself being wrapped and cradled in the maternal embrace of her mother. Something she hadn’t done in years, probably at the beginning of her teenage era.
She just wants to sleep until she feels rested, go home to her dog and her girlfriend. But that’s not possible because her girlfriend is in fucking London, and that’s basically what she said while crying in Aitana’s arms way later that night, when her friend came to see how she was doing.
She had Lucy on FaceTime earlier and she managed to keep a more or less neutral face, even if the English woman obviously felt the disappointment she could feel. She had the right words to comfort Ona, like always, and it really worked. Until Ona realizes that it’s really all she will have during the next months, while she was brushing her hair after her shower. And that’s when Aitana came.
Ona doesn’t know that her friend texted Lucy right after that to inform her about Ona’s state of mind. She repeat everything that got out of Ona’s mouth even if it was in a confuse way. But Aitana managed to understand everything and was able to repeat it correctly to Lucy.
Lucy was supposed to be at training on Friday, so Ona doesn’t think anything more when Laia Aleixandri and Aitana take her outside of the hotel to grab a coffee somewhere. Ona loved coffee, they only had to say that word to convince her to follow them.
“Who suggested you that place again?” Laia asks Aitana while they were entering the shop.
“Oh, a dear friend of mine who played here for three years before going to Manchester and then finally coming to Barcelona”
Aitana smirks while she looks at Ona from the corner of her eyes, the younger one raising her eyebrow while looking back at her. Of course she understands that Aitana is talking about Lucy. The shop is almost empty at that time of the day. The place is what you probably find on Pinterest when you write “coffee shop”, Ona thinks. It’s all wood, peaceful colors and amazing smells, mix of coffee and pastries.
“Here, there she is actually.”
Ona’s head makes two abrupt movements, one to go on Aitana face (she was looking at the menu hanging on the wall while trying to decrypt those Frenches words when Aitana spoke again) and another to go where she was looking.
And actually, yes. Here she was, Lucy Bronze, casually sitting on a booth, grinning at her.
Ona’s mother probably wouldn’t approve of the words that come out of her daughter’s mouth at this particular time, but Ona doesn’t care. She doesn’t care either about the other people who are inside the shop too, because her girlfriend is here and that’s all it matters.
Lucy got up while the Spaniard came to her senses and that she joins her before passing her arms around her waist.
“Hi” Lucy smiles at Aitana and Laia when Ona buried her face in her neck and hair.
She’s glad that with time they decide to be less strict about the public display of affection. At first, they didn’t want the world to talk about their relationship more than their football skills. Plus, Lucy didn’t want Ona to have to face some of her creepy fans, but it was still happening anyway. So, one day, she surprised Ona by grabbing her by her waist from behind, in the middle of a pitch. And since then, they aren’t really thinking about it.
“What do you want to drink?” Lucy asks the two other girls.
“Nothing, we were just bringing you your girlfriend” Aitana smiles.
“Well now that you are here you still can take something” Lucy points. “Their latte are amazing”
“She has a point” Laia smirks.
Laia and Aitana went to ask for their drink at the counter and during all this time Ona hasn’t let go of Lucy. The dark haired woman puts her total attention on her girlfriend at that moment, lifting her face by sliding a finger under her chin.
“Hey” Lucy says softly, making Ona smiles.
“Holà”
“You look exhausted”
It wasn’t a remark saying in a bad way, Lucy is more concerned about her girlfriend than anything. She already saw the dark circles under Ona’s eyes when they called each other but it’s more impressive here and now. She frowns, realizing in what state her girlfriend is.
“I am” Ona shrugs.
Lucy doesn’t have time to say anything else because Laia and Aitana were coming back to say goodbye.
“You have to be at the hotel in four hours Oni, don’t be late, yes?” Laia reminds her.
“Don’t worry” Ona smiles softly.
They went out, Laia kissing Ona's cheek, and Ona turns again in Lucy’s direction. She has realized by now that Lucy hasn’t command anything for herself, which is pretty strange. She might be the coffee addict in their relationship, but Lucy likes it too.
“What are the plans?”
“Well, at first we are going to take some drinks and something to eat. And then I’ll take you to one of my special spots around here”
“Sounds perfect” Ona smiles.
Ona follows Lucy to the counter and looks one more time to the menu to choose a drink. She asks for a cold caffe latte while Lucy asks for a Macchiato. They take some pastries to go with it, Ona choosing to follow Lucy’s lead about it. As long as there are some with chocolate, she will be okay anyway.
When they get out, Lucy takes Ona’s hand in hers and the gesture itself makes Ona’s heart fluttered. They don’t talk a lot during the walk to Lucy’s secret spot, just enjoying each other presence. Sometimes, Lucy points a building or a park to Ona, mentioning some memories she has there.
They finally arrive somewhere next to one of the two rivers traversing Lyon, and after several yomps, they finally are where Lucy wanted to take Ona. She never lets Ona's hand go one time.
“Tadam!” the English woman sings, making Ona laughs.
“It’s beautiful” Ona says, smiling softly while looking around them.
They can see a lot of the river from her and the other side, but she’s pretty sure that they aren’t visible themselves.
“Beautiful view for a beautiful girl” Lucy winks at her. “Come on, sit with me.”
Ona obliged but chose to sit on Lucy’s lap rather than the big rocks around them. The former Barcelona player doesn’t seems to mind though, letting an appreciative hums passes her lips. Ona puts her head on Lucy’s shoulders, decided to enjoy their closeness.
“I’m happy you’re here” Ona whispers when she remembers herself that Lucy shouldn’t actually be here.
“A little birdy told me that my girlfriend was struggling away in Paris. Couldn’t let her alone, could I?”
“Is this little birdy called Aitana, by any chance?”
“It is” Lucy laughs before kissing Ona’s cheek. “I would have preferred that my girlfriend talk to me about that herself though”
Ona bites her lips, feeling a little guilty for hiding things to Lucy. It was easier to do by phone than in real life. When they are together, it’s impossible for her to do it. Lucy is able to read her expressions and her body language easier than anyone. Sometimes, Ona even has the feeling that Lucy can understands her better than herself.
“I didn’t want to worry you. I’m just tired, really. I will be okay.”
Lucy hums, not really sure about that statement. It looks more than a things Ona is telling herself or repeating to her friends and family, to reassure them. She knows very well how much worried her mother can be for her daughter.
“I know you will be okay. You’re the strongest person I know. But that doesn’t mean you are feeling fine now or that you aren’t allowed to feel a little low.”
Ona sighs softly, stroking Lucy's arm with her fingertips.
“It’s just frustrating you know? We are good and we were supposed to go on the final. But what are we supposed to do when they manage us that way?”
“I know” Lucy sighs too.
She really wants to help her girlfriend but like a little more than one year ago before the World Cup, there is nothing she can do. Other than hearing Ona’s frustration and sympathize with her. Which she tries to do the best as she could, of course.
“You deserved to go to the finale. But you still have a medal to fight for. And I beg your pardon if I’m wrong, but it seems like you like Bronze, no?”
Ona, who was looking at the river in front of them, smirk before turning her face to Lucy. The English woman was fighting against her smile, trying to keep a straight face. Which is almost impossible to do.
“You haven’t even kiss me and you start with your awful flirts attempts already?”
Lucy laughs and puts a hand on her girlfriend’s cheek, the other staying where their both were before, on Ona’s waist to stabilize her.
“You are right, first the kiss”
Ona is smiling when Lucy presses her lips against hers. They have kissed a lot already, an infinite number of times. They shared tender kisses, shy kisses, hot kisses, goodbye kisses and reunion kisses. But Ona can swear without a doubt that every time she has the same feelings to fly somewhere above the ground when Lucy kisses her.
She actually groans in annoyance when Lucy stops the kiss, crossing her arms behind Lucy’s neck for another kiss. This one is maybe a little less innocent than the first, but she doesn’t care. She missed her girlfriend, she needs comfort and she knows that almost no one can see them.
When it ends, Lucy takes Ona against her, the head of the younger one finding her place back on her shoulder.
“I’m sorry you had to cancel your travel to Paris” Ona mumbles finally.
“Don’t. You don’t have to excuse yourself for anything. I shouldn’t have anticipated things like I did, I’m the one who is sorry. I shouldn’t have put more pressure on you like this”
“You haven’t…”
Ona starts to answer, frowning, but Lucy puts a finger on her lips to make her stay silent. Their gazes cross and Lucy takes off her finger from Ona’s lips only to put hers against hers again.
“No football talks until you have to go back to the hotel”
Ona rolls her eyes with a smile but accepts gladly, sitting to be able to look at Lucy easier than before. She missed her like crazy, so why not to take advantage of this time to look at her the more possible? She always have been fond of her face, her smile, her hair, her eyes... Everything. But Lucy soon feels a little uneasy under her girlfriend’s gaze. She’s usually the one who is creeping on Ona, especially in the morning when the Spaniard is always asleep longer than her.
“What are you doing?” the English woman asks.
“Admiring you” Ona answers while Lucy rolls her eyes. “You are so beautiful. I want our children to have your eyes. And your smile.”
“Nah. They all will be mini-Ona” Lucy smirks. “With your beautiful smile, hair and freckles”
Ona pouts when Lucy boop her nose with her fingers, but it’s quickly erased when Lucy kiss her again.
“Barcelona agreed to give me ten days of rest after the Olympics” Ona informed her.
“Finally, you will be able to breath. What will you do during that time?”
Ona shrugs without looking at Lucy. She wants to go to London and having some days with Lucy at least, even if the weather seems to have already said goodbye to summer. But for a maybe stupid reason, she doesn’t want to be the one asking if she can come. She doesn’t want to impose herself in her girlfriend’s life.
“Probably sleep all day long” Ona finally answers.
“Yeah?”
Ona nods and there is a moment of silence.
“Want to come to sleep in depressing and cloudy London?”
Ona smiles and nods again, this time while looking at Lucy with a smile. Lucy is smirking too, one of her arms always around Ona waist. She kisses her hair this time, when Ona sinks her face under her chin.
“Can I take Coco with me? Even if he seems have a blast in my family’s trail, I miss him.”
“Of course you can. Narla will be happy to see him again”
Ona smiles wider and sink even deeper in Lucy. She misses the comfort of her arms. She’s not really used to lose anymore and the only time it happened last year, Lucy was here with her. It will be a process she will need to start to learn again.
“Did you come her a lot while you were in Lyon?” Ona asks casually.
“Only when I needed to clean my head. But I usually came her alone.”
“Usually?”
Of course, it was the word who seems the most important for Ona. It makes Lucy smiles and rolls her eyes again.
“Nah, more like always”
When Lucy walks back Ona to her hotel, she offered her a big hug and a long kiss goodbye, even if they know they will see each other after the game. It’s only when they heard Alexia loudly clearing her throat that they remember where they were. Lucy looked over Ona’s head while Ona turns herself to see the Spanish’s captain looking at them with her arms crossed on her chest.
It might be an impressive sight, but Ona spots quickly the hidden slight smile and the fun in Alexia’s eyes.
“I better go” Ona smiles at Lucy.
“You better” Lucy laughs before kissing her one last time. “Go, Superstar. See you after the game”
Ona rolls her eyes and keep Lucy’s hand in hers as long as possible when she starts to walk to Alexia. The blonde passes an arm around Ona’s shoulders, who take a last look at Lucy before entering the hotel.
“See you at the stadium, Bronzey” Alexia says at the same time.
Like the other time when she came to watch Ona playing, Lucy is sitting near her family. The “O. Battle 2” clan is today joined by Ona’s grandparents and some of her cousins. Lucy knows them all, the Catalan girl having took her at every birthday or family celebration since last summer.
She was next to Ona’s brother, listening to him talk with her father in Catalan. And she’s proud of herself when she realizes that she understands almost everything. She turns when she feels someone putting a hand on her shoulder, smiling when she sees Lia Wälti, wagging discreetly like every time.
“Lia, hi!” Lucy smiles before hugging her.
She knows well the Swiss woman now, having watched some Spain’s games with her since she was with Ona.
“Mind if I seat next to you for a bit?” she asks after they great each other.
“Of course not. Are you here alone?”
“Kind of. Mario’s family is here, but…”
She shrugs, looking at the field where Germany just entered to train. Her unfinished sentence makes frown Lucy, who looks at her with concern.
“Aren’t you getting along with them?”
“I hardly know them honestly. I saw them like four times since I’m with Mariona. When I come to see her in Barcelona they are obviously still in Mallorca”
Lucy nods softly. She has to admit that she knows Ona’s family a lot better than Ona knows hers. She never asked herself how Ona feels when she’s with the Bronze, but the younger always seemed happy to pass time with her brother’s kids or her parents. She seems to have a great bond with Jorge, and Sophie too.
“How is Mario?”
Lucy feels a soft guilt, she should maybe have checked a little more for her former teammate and frien. They are close after all and moving both in London at the same time. Lia shrugs one more time.
“She’s tired. I really hope they will win today, I’m a little scared for her mental health if they don’t” she sighs softly. “How’s Ona?”
“Same things. At least after that they will have some days to rest”
Lia hums softly. They don’t have to say what they think about the Liga’s schedule and the Women Football’s in general. They both think the same and understand each other quickly.
“I’m happy that Mario will have less games to play next year. I was concerned about her having an injury, even if I was the one getting one after all”
Lucy smiles at that. It’s honestly a miracle that her knee seems to be always fine after all the games she played last year. Lucy got a little distracted when the speaker starts to present both teams, frowning when she hears “Felicita Rauch”. She hasn’t realized until now that Ona will play against her ex.
“Oh shit” she mumbles.
“What is it?”
Lia got distracted too, but only because Mariona came on the pitch with some of her teammates and staff members. Like every time, Mariona looks for her and send her a wink, which Lia answer with a heart with her fingers.
“That’s Ona’s ex” she mumbles again, indicating Feli by a nod.
“Oh.”
Lia doesn’t really what to answer, she knows Feli well, they played together at Potsdam for four years before she went for Arsenal. It was before the things between Ona and Feli, though.
“Didn’t she mention anything?”
“No” Lucy frowns.
“Probably because it doesn’t have any importance for her” Lia says with a gently smile.
Lucy groans in answer. She still struggles some times with her new jealousy, who appeared when she starts dating Ona. She hates when people she doesn’t know touch her girlfriend, not knowing what intentions are behind that kind of touch. She doesn’t mind Ona’s friends hugging her of course. But having to play against her ex, it’s something different.
“Have you already been in that situation?” Lucy asks soon after.
“Not really”
“I hope she won’t take advantage of that game to try to reconnect with Ona” Lucy frowns.
Lia giggles softly next to her, making Lucy stop glaring at the poor German player to look at the Swiss Woman. With all of that, she hasn’t realized that Ona has entered the pitch too and that the Spain’s team has started the training.
“I’m sorry, but she probably knows you both are together and that’s it will be a lost cause”
That’s true, and finally it’s wasn’t a bad idea to stop hiding things, Lucy thinks. She seems a little relieved when Lia points that fact.
“Plus, you are wearing a Spanish jersey with her name and hanging with her family in the stand, this is probably another indication of how much you are into each other”
Lucy relaxes completely this time, her shoulders falling back a few centimeters. Lia is right once again, and she is glad about it. As if to press this point, Ona’s dad comes back with a carton of beer, holding one to Lucy with an affectionate pat on the back. He proposes one to Lia too, who refuses with a smile.
She keeps an eye on Feli anyway, after seeing that Ona doesn’t seem to take one look at the German team. She plays as a defender, just like Ona, so they shouldn’t have to face each other a lot during the game. Lucy feels like a creeping fan when she looks attentively at how Ona and Feli greats each other at the beginning of the match, but other than a smile, there is nothing. Ona has a full match face.
(She always found her sexy at that very moment)
In the end, they didn’t win. It would be irrelevant to talk about Montse Tome management once again, Lucy thought. She would have preferred to find her girlfriend with bronze around her neck, not to see her sad face and the sadness of her other friends.
“What does that bitch want?” Lucy grown when she sees that Felicitas is actually coming to Ona.
She looks at her tapping softly on Ona’s shoulder while the girl was standing next to Alexia, Salma and Mariona. Lucy isn’t able to understand what they are saying, but she sees Ona’s hesitation at what Feli is asking her. Then she shrugs and nods before getting out of her jersey to hand it to her former girlfriend.
“Is she…?” Lia asks next to her.
“Looks like it” Lucy shrugs at her turn.
If Felicitas puts Ona’s jersey without hesitation, she sees Ona looking for her in the stand. It’s only when Lucy smirks at her that the Spaniard puts it too, making what it can be described as a slight smile.
“Can’t wait to see Twitter going mad” Lucy comments.
She hears Ona’s family laughing with Lia. She can’t herself explain why it doesn’t bother her, but just after their exchange of jersey Feli went back to her team and Ona seems to ask the permission to go in the locker room. She jogs to go with Patri, relief on her shoulders.
Half an hour later, when Ona comes to her family in the VIP section, she looks once again exhausted. She’s wearing her Spain’s training kit again and goes right to Lucy’s arms. The English woman smiles softly, hugging softly Ona.
“I’m sorry about the defeat” Lucy whispers in Ona’s hear.
“It’s over now. I just want to sleep for four days” Ona mumbles, somewhere on Lucy’s shoulder.
The dark-haired woman laughs softly, releasing Ona for her to be able to say hi to her family. The Battle seems sad for Ona but relieved to see that she will have some rest, finally.
The next day, they are on a plane for London, Ona half-asleep on Lucy’s shoulder. Coco is on the end of the plane with other animals, sleeping peacefully like his human. Lucy has passed a hand under Ona’s shirt to stroke her back softly, helping the younger one to feel relaxed.
“Are you sleeping?” Lucy asks softly.
“Only resting my eyes” Ona mumbles, making Lucy laughs.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure”
She yawns but sit a little better, just to be able to watch Lucy’s face while the older one is talking. Lucy needs several seconds to focus and stop beaming in front of her girlfriend’s cuteness.
“Why did you get your ex’s shirt?”
“It’s sound so bad saying like this” Ona winces. “But I don’t know. She asks and I say yes. And then I looked for you before wearing it and when you smiled at me I thought it meant that you were okay with it?”
“I was” Lucy assures her quickly. “But I was wondering... We never really talked about it, are you still talking to her?”
“No” Ona shakes her head. “She likes my Instagram's posts from time to time but that’s all. This jersey’s swap doesn’t mean anything, really.”
“Ok. Great, because you made the social media going crazy”
Ona smiles when she sees her girlfriend relax against the back of her seat. She kisses her jaw and then her neck, it’s impossible for her to reach another part of her from her position.
“I don’t care what they say. I’m in love with you.”
“I’m a lucky girl” Lucy smirks.
“Nah. I’m the lucky one.”
#woso imagine#woso fanfics#ona batlle#ona batlle imagine#lucy bronze#ona batlle x lucy bronze#ona battle#lucy bronze x ona batlle
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Sweet lies part two
Pairing •Toji x gn!reader
Warnings• Angst!, Cheating, suggestive (they like lowkey make out), manipulation, UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!, Cursing. Lmk if i forgot any!
Word count • 1079 words
A/n • I had this pre written ever since i put out the first part but was so hesitant on posting it LMAO! Enjoy! Masterlist is pinned!
You knew life after the honeymoon phase was rough but nothing could’ve prepared you for the drastic switch in you and Toji’s relationship. About two months the after you guys got married is when you realized the mistake you made. Your days went from him coming home from work and showering you with affection to him coming in with an inaudible hello. You were confused on what you could be doing wrong. He was coming home to a clean house with food on the table, a bath prepared and you all dolled up for him, just how he liked it. This went on for months and throughout those months he’s just been coming home later and later. The man who was once coming home every day at five now walking through the front door as late as ten at night. It didn’t bother you until your 26th birthday.
You woke up excited to celebrate your first birthday as a married woman. For your birthday last year Toji went all out so you couldn’t help but let your expectations be high! Toji wasn’t there when you woke up, which was normal because he usually leaves extremely early in the morning. You spent your day pampering yourself to the max, expecting to maybe go out later. Soon enough five o clock rolls around. You sit pretty and patient on the couch, telling yourself he’s just running a little late. You wait… and you wait.. sending text after text to your husband every hour.
Hubby💍❤️
5:30pm
Y/n: Hey babe coming home soon?
6:15
Y/n: Toj idk what you have planned but i’m super excited! see you soon❤️
7:23
Y/n: Hey is everything okay??
8:54
Y/n: Hello?
9:46
Y/n: Toji it’s almost 10 where are you?
10:27
Y/n: Toji?
You send your last text with tears falling from your eyes. You hate to think he forgot your birthday. It can’t be. He just got caught up in something. It has to be. You check the time one last time. 11:03. You then tell yourself you need to go to bed. As you stand up from the couch the door opens and the man you’ve been waiting for finally shows. You do nothing but stare at him, tears mixed with mascara running down your puffy cheeks. “The hell happened to you?” he says, taking off his shoes, tie, and blazer. He begins to unbutton his shirt, purple marks adorning his chest. That was in that moment when something in you just… snapped.
“Toji, what is today?” you slowly walk towards him. He shrugs, scratching the back of his head. “Look doll, i’m beat. Can we talk tomorrow?” he begins to walk towards the stairs that lead to your shared bedroom “No. Absolutely the fuck not.” oh crap. did you just say that? he stops in his tracks and turns to you. “Excuse me?” Shitshitshitshitshit what do you say? why did u say that? “Toji i asked you a question. What. Is. Today.” you keep up the tough girl act, too deep to back out now. “Y/n.” he walks closer to you but you back away “Toji today is my fucking birthday. Today is my birthday and i’ve been home all day thinking my ‘husband’ was going to at least come home on time but you were out fucking some bitch!” You begin to yell, crying harder than you were before. “The fuck are you talking about?” You weren’t stupid, you knew he was cheating but who were you to say anything. You were nothing without him. You didn’t want to ruin things. You can’t lose him. “Toji, i know you’re seeing someone else but i at least thought you would have some type of respect or decency to not do this to me on my fucking birthday.”You’re falling apart in front of him.
The silence is strong. He walks towards you and wraps his arms around you, holding you close. “Things just haven’t been right with me, i don’t know why i do the things i do. You know how much you mean to me baby, i never want to hurt you.” i never want to hurt you. Those words replay in your mind. He brings his hands to hold your face, wiping your tears with his thumbs. “You know I love you and only you, right?” you wanted to yell at him. You wanted to kick and scream but something in you made you believe every word he was saying. Instead of doing any of those things you just nodded. Shame rose in you but it all started to fade away when his lips connect with yours. You know this isn’t right, this isn’t healthy but that doesn’t stop you from wrapping your arms around his neck and letting his hands wander. “I’m so sorry baby.” his lips travel to your neck. You try to hold back sounds but he knows just what to do to get it out if you. “Gonna let me show my girl how sorry i am?” you just started at him. not wanting to say yes but you didn’t want to disappoint him by saying no either.
You have to draw a line somewhere. “I think i just wanna go to sleep…” Removing your hands from him and stepping back. His looks confused but he doesn’t press further. Is it bad that part of you wishes he did? You wished he would’ve showed some kind of kind want, not just wanting to fuck out of pity. You know why he didn’t tho, he already got his fix of pussy for the night and it didn’t come from you. What a shame.
That night you couldn’t sleep, you were up all night silently crying. Is this really what your life was? You had lost yourself in this relationship. Your 26th birthday was a wake up call. The next few days were rough, he was just coming home later and later. Not to mention he wasn’t even trying to hide his affairs, He started to be careless. Not bothering to cover the scratches or hickeys that covered his body, leaving his phone open when you could see messages from the multiple girls and having panties and various other items in his car that didn’t belong to you. It’s like he was trying to hurt you, but isn’t that what he said he never wanted to do?
#anime#toji fushiguro#jjk#jjk thoughts#jjk toji#jjk x reader#jujutsu toji#toji angst#toji x reader#toji x y/n#toji x you#jujutsu kaisen toji#jjk x you#jjk shiu#jjk fanfic#jjk smut#jjk angst#jujitsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen#toji zenin#toji fushigro x reader#toji fic#toji fluff#toji smut#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu megumi#jujutsu sorcerer
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Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in Fandom Community Spaces
One of my fandom servers recently imploded. I didn’t just want to post my immediate reactions and spend the next 3-5 business years litigating my feelings, so I took a few months to deconstruct what happened. Now I’m reconstructing everything into a case study on white supremacy culture in progressive spaces.
Below the poll, I’ve spelled out 17 traits of white supremacy culture, as they appear in progressive spaces, organized into four categories. I relied predominantly on the works of Tema Okun and Robin DiAngelo, whose works and websites expand upon everything I talk about.
I don’t want anyone to beat each other (or themselves) up if they’ve noticed these traits. Just fix it.
My goals with this guide:
Fans can put names to their observations.
Mods/Leaders of fandom spaces ask themselves, “how many of these have I done?”
Everyone gets an idea for what can be done about these traits.
Each listed trait has:
Definition of the trait
Common or fandom-specific examples
Suggestions to begin fixing it
Additional Commentary specific to this particular server incident
That makes this post very long, but it should be easy to skip over sections.
(If you are thinking of sending someone this post because they expressed a lot of these traits, first take a moment and identify how many of these traits you have practiced.
If someone sent you this post as an accusation, show them the above paragraph and ask what traits they recognize in their own behavior. If they say "none," ignore that person. I have will not facilitate the use of anti-racism as a smokescreen for bullying.)
I wasn't able to put this poll at the bottom of the post. I encourage you to wait until you get to the end and then answer the poll.
Because Tumblr polls expire in a week, I also encourage you to answer the same poll here on StrawPoll.
White Supremacy Culture Traits
Context (Basic Outline of What Happened)
In late Oct. 2023, someone on this server made an insensitive joke regarding Native American spirituality. They were quickly corrected by another member, and a third, indigenous member defended the gravity of their culture.
In DMs, a server mod (without the knowledge of the rest of the mod team) rebuked that indigenous server member for mini-modding, but claimed they would also moderate the person who made the joke in the first place; that person who made the joke was this mod’s friend.
This Inciting Incident Mod never did moderate their friend. When this came to light for the rest of the mod team in early Dec. 2023, the Inciting Incident Mod left before they could be ‘fired.’ Meanwhile, the Server Owner tried to cover up the preceding mess when announcing this mod’s departure.
The Indigenous Server Member used @everyone to explain to the server what had happened, dropped screenshots, and left the server.
When the community at large, including other mods, demanded more accountability and action from the mod team and the admins, the Server Owner doubled down on their defensiveness and denials for the next month.
Behind the scenes/in mod chats, the rest of the mods tried to advocate for the same things that the community was demanding. Most of their suggestions were shot down and input disregarded (primarily by the Server Owner).
Ultimately, all the mods were “let go” (fired), leaving only two admins. The second Admin largely followed the lead of the Server Owner, who was the one posting most of the announcements and engaging in the discourse.
The Admins unilaterally froze the server mid-conversations in late Jan. 2024.
They deleted the server on March 4th, 2024.
I. White Fragility
White fragility is the various phenomena by which white fans’ distress at discussions of racism take precedence over the actual occurrences of racism. This is not a conscious tactic, but the result of the layers of insulation from irl racism that white people are conditioned with, combined with white culture and experience being so pervasive as to become invisible.
1: Right To Comfort
Believing that white fans’ requirement for comfort in fandom spaces is more important than the on-going discomfort fans of color experience in the same spaces.
Examples:
Prioritizing the emotional and psychological comfort of some fans over the on-going experiences of other fans.
Scapegoating those who named the racism in the community and accusing them of ‘rocking the boat.’
These might sound familiar:
"This is just supposed to be a fun hobby."
"Can we get back to the good vibes?"
"Why can't we all just get along?"
“Hobbies/Fun shouldn’t be this much work.”
Treating any and all discussion of racism as acts of antagonism.
Fixes:
Learn to sit with discomfort before responding or (re)acting, especially if faced with an accusation. It’s an opportunity for growth, not an opening for attack.
Avoid taking criticisms personally, and avoid treating feedback as accusations. Yes, some accusations and call-outs are personal, but most are not. Even the ones that are personal need not be treated as final value judgments nor the end of the world.
Additional Commentary:
The white fan who’d made the insensitive joke in the first place did not lash out at being corrected. The discomfort was predominantly from some white mods who interpreted all mentions of racism as a conflict.
This trait is frequently found the trait called ‘Urgency.’
2: Defensiveness
Reacting to criticisms as if they were personal attacks, prioritizing comfort over growth, and using hurt feelings to derail discussions.
As author @xiranjayzhao put it in their video discussing a similar incident in the publishing industry, “If you are more concerned at being called racist than racism itself, that is an active hindrance to dismantling racism.”
Examples:
Treating criticism as threatening, inappropriate, or rude.
Focusing on making sure one’s own feelings or the feelings of community leaders are not getting hurt. This process often takes up more time and energy than addressing the actual problems do.
Spend energy defending against charges of racism instead of examining how racism might actually be happening.
White fans targeted by other oppressions (I.e. sexism, homophobia, etc.) express resentment because they feel that the naming of racism is erasing their experiences of marginalization from their other identities. This is especially prevalent in fandom as our communities are dominated by women and queer people.
Fixes:
Identify and understand the link between defensiveness and fear. When you recognize your own defensiveness, ask yourself what you are defending, and what you feel that you are defending against.
Develop culture of naming defensiveness when it arises.
Be honest with yourself and with the community about the power dynamics in the situation and respond thoughtfully. The person with greater power has the greater responsibility to name and move through their own defensiveness.
This is most important for small, online community leaders (I.e. Discord server mods). However little power we feel like we have, we still have more power than all the other members.
Additional Commentary:
Defensiveness was ultimately the biggest problem in this particular server’s implosion, and continues to be the most prevalent problem I observe in many other communities. The majority of the problems in these communities came not from actual acts of racism or patterns of insensitivity, but a few white fans’ defensiveness when these were named.
3: Fear of Open Conflict
When discomfort with talking about racism begets outright avoidance. This becomes “toxic positivity,” creating a pattern of suppressing any and all disagreements with a fixation on “keeping the peace.”
Examples:
Ignoring or deflecting conflict, no matter how minor.
Emphasis on tone, performing friendliness, and on everyone ‘calming down’ once even a hint of conflict arises.
Scapegoating people who bring up racism or equating criticisms with ‘rudeness.’
Fixes:
Role play, discuss, or plan for ways to handle conflict before it happens.
Don't require hard issues to be raised in `acceptable' ways.
Once a conflict is resolved, revisit it and see how it might have been handled differently.
Additional Commentary:
This particular server’s admin team was understandably hypersensitive to conflict; the server had been previously wracked by fandom dramas unrelated to racism. However, this sympathetic feeling metastasized into an unsympathetic habit of total conflict suppression. Had that Inciting Incident Mod not reacted to that faint hint of friction, or had the admins later been willing to name and acknowledge mistakes from the moderation team as an unintended instance of racism, almost none of this final drama would have happened.
4: Denial
Insistence that racism is an individual problem that requires intent; refusal to see or acknowledge systemic problems brought to one’s attention.
Examples:
A pattern of downplaying or denying what POC are saying about their experiences.
Insisting intent is more important than impact.
Insisting that if someone did not mean to be racist, then the harms they perpetuated cannot have been serious.
Insisting that a person or group can free from racialized conditioning, leading to statements like "I don't see color," “I don’t care what anyone’s race is,” “we can’t even tell race on the Internet,” and "we're all the same."
Fixes:
Learn to acknowledge any fear that naming racism brings up; the feeling is not wrong or right. Move through the feeling and address what has been raised.
Assume that any naming of racism is on target. Instead of asking, “is it racism,” ask, “how is it racism?”
Learn not to take accusations of racism or white supremacy culture as personal attacks or criticisms.
Get into the habit of saying, “tell me more,” instead of jumping to denial and counter arguments.
II. Exceptionalism
AKA “the Illusion of Control.” The belief, conscious or subconscious, that one knows the right way to do things and is uniquely qualified implement it. This might literally mean one’s self, or just people similar to one’s self.
5: Paternalism
The belief that one can dictate what is ‘best’ for everyone or make decisions on others’ behalf without their input.
Examples:
Deeming it unnecessary to understand the viewpoints and experiences of people for whom one is making decisions.
Labeling people for whom one is making decisions as unqualified.
Majority of community members get marginalized from decision-making processes. Either there is no mechanism for community input, or community input is disregarded by those in power.
Frequently, these decisions also have the most outsized impact on those with the least power, e.x. members who don’t have personal friendships with mods.
Fixes:
Realize that everyone has a worldview, including you. No one’s experiences or education (or lack thereof) disqualifies them from having agency in your community.
Always include those most affected by community decisions in the brainstorming and decision-making processes.
Build in an understanding that every approach yields unintended consequences; even the most strategically made decisions will have unanticipated consequences.
Additional Commentary:
The Server Owner consistently made unilateral decisions on other people’s behalf. They also required members to be 21+ in this server, despite the show it was for only being 18+
In the interest of living up to my own standards, I must acknowledge that I was also being paternalistic.
When I first joined the server, I questioned that age requirement. The Server Owner claimed that they felt uncomfortable talking about mature topics around 18-20 year olds…and “joked” that they viewed 18-20 year olds like children. Their defensiveness reminded me of elementary school children insisting kids in the grade immediately below them are babies. On the spot, I thought the Server Owner must be in their early 20s at the oldest. With zero evidence but a lot of confirmation bias, this feeling cemented into an assumption due to some of their moderation choices (e.x. pinning messages by their whims, thus confusing newcomers). I even wondered if they grew up in a cult environment due to unusual gaps in their knowledge (e.x. being surprised that it didn’t snow in most of Thailand). I thought I could and should, over time, convince them of 'better' ways to moderate, and attributed my disagreements with some of their moderation choices to their youth.
Then the Server Owner mentioned having been to uni nearly 20 years ago, making them almost double the age I’d assumed they were.
Looking back, this was an act of paternalism on my part that spanned over a year and a half. I’m not proud of this, and I would like to think I would still come to be ashamed of this even if the Server Owner actually had been as young as I thought they were. Regardless of their actual age, this was an incredibly paternalistic viewpoint for me to have about any adult.
6: Power Hoarding
People scrabbling to hold onto whatever little power they have; resisting anything which makes them feel threatened in their position of leadership or influence.
Examples:
Feeling threatened when someone suggests changes in how things should be done in the community.
Suggestions for change often get taken as an indicator of poor leadership.
People with power insisting they do not feel threatened or defensive in the face of suggestions for change.
Assuming that anyone wanting a change are ill-informed or malicious.
“Blaming the messenger,” such as focusing on the person advocating for change rather than the substance of what change they are trying to make.
Fixes:
Leaders should expect challenges and change and learn to see this a sign that someone cares about the community enough to want to stay and reform it. Because our spaces are predominantly for hobbies, people have less need to stay, even if they have a strong desire to. If someone truly thought we were hopeless leaders, they would not be advocating for change; they would just leave.
Adopt a “tell me more” approach when someone suggests a change or challenges an existing structure * even if the thing they are trying to change is something you care deeply about preserving.
Make friends with your ego. Everyone has one. You’ll do better in the long run when you know what will automatically kick up your defensiveness; don’t try to pretend nothing will.
Additional Commentary:
The admins caused many of their own problems by consistently disregarding others’ input; they not only ignored the criticisms of the community, they ‘fired’ the entire rest of the mod team for giving suggestions that the admins did not want to hear.
7: Individualism
Believing that one can be immune from social conditioning and systemic biases, or that individual actions are sufficient to change a community.
Examples:
Believing that one can be “isolated” from the conditioning of the culture they were raised in.
Not seeing the ways dominant identities * in gender, class, sexuality, religion, able-bodiedness, age, etc. * are informed by belonging to a group that shapes cultural norms and behavior.
This one is also hard for people in fandom to recognize. Many of us are marginalized in one aspect of our identity, and marginalization in one area can make it incredibly difficult to recognize or acknowledge privilege in another.
Accusing people advocating for change of “not being team players,” because one does not recognize the large groups on whose behalf they are advocating for.
Focusing on whether or not an individual “is racist,” while ignoring systemic racism in the community’s culture or leadership.
Fixes:
Get into the habit of acknowledging both your marginalizations and your privileges. For example, I am a queer woman of color, which are three traits of marginalization. I was also raised middle-class, I have a college degree, and I am cis; three traits of privilege. All these traits inform my experiences and world view and make me subjective in different ways.
Learn how our dominant identities and how our membership in dominant identity groups informs us both overtly and covertly (while realizing too that these identities do not have to define us).
Realize we all have internalized conditioning, including racist conditioning. Commitment to anti-racism is not about being ‘good’ or ‘bad;’ it’s a commit to challenge one’s own conditioning and subconscious biases on an on-going basis.
Focus on collective accountability as much as individual accountability.
Because many people, especially on social media, use ‘accountability’ as a euphemism for ‘punishment,’ I want to be clear that this does not mean collective punishment. It means recognizing that people react to their peers (dis)approval on even the smallest scale, that people want to fit in, and that people often fear standing out. We are often not making individual decisions so much as “going with their gut” or “going with the flow.” When that’s the case, that means we need to re-condition what our gut tells us and change where that flow is going * both of which are community actions, not individual ones.
Additional Commentary:
In the Individualism page on her website, Tema Okun shared a personal story about how her upbringing had blinded her to the very real risks her POC colleagues faced even while working with well-intentioned white leaders. This story resonated with me and my experience in this fandom server.
The white admins either did not understand (or did not care) what it would cost a POC like me to try to help them. I was attempting to mediate rather than prosecute, and speaking gently as I did - which I was only doing to try to balance the need for change against the admins’ need for white comfort. Multiple people blocked me during this time period, and most did not see what came after. I try not to assume I’m more important or relevant than I am, but I and many others noticed the drastic change in the admins’ behavior once my rhetoric shifted from ‘benefit of the doubt’ to ‘naming mistakes and suggesting changes.’ I was trying to help the admins, but it came out to nothing and I still ended up paying a price and losing friends.
8: I'm The Only One
The assumption that one knows best; therefore, they have the unique right and responsibility to take unilateral action.
Examples:
Believing that the only way to get something done right is to do it one’s self. (Related to ‘One Right Way.’)
Believing that only one person is entitled or qualified to determine the right way and take action, typically in isolation from the people who will be impacted by our decisions.
Often goes hand-in-hand with micro-management (or in the case of online communities, micro-moderation).
Attempting to downplay or cover-up flaws or mistakes in leadership, fearing that the community cannot survive people discovering leadership isn’t perfect.
Fixes:
Hold ourselves and each other accountable for mistakes without assuming that we need to be perfect to lead.
Focus on collaborative and collective strategies for responding to mistakes, including accountability but also growth and inner development.
Leaders should make an effort to take in input from as many sources as possible, including the people saying things they do not like, do not want to hear or are challenging their leadership.
Especially the individuals who hold the most power, such as server admins and owners (who have more power than other mods). The higher up in this hierarchy that we are, the more likely that anyone who truly thinks we’re hopeless would simply opt to leave…which means the higher up in the hierarchy we are, the more likely that anyone who is challenging us still expects both themselves and us to stay where we are. Their challenges are not a threat, but an opportunity for growth.
Additional Commentary:
Those last two bullet points under Examples and Instances are what kicked off the entire server-ending drama in the first place. Even though the Inciting Incident Mod made a truly disappointing mistake, I don’t actually see them as having made the biggest misstep in this mess. This mod micro-managed someone and abused their power to shield a friend, but had the admins been willing to acknowledge those mistakes directly, most of the ensuing drama would not have happened.
When I asked the Server Owner to let someone else take over the server instead of closing it off completely, they claimed all the people I suggested were not equipped to handle the server. The only person they were willing to let take over the server was someone who had uncritically supported them during all the discourse. (Though I later found out that this entire discussion was never in good faith to begin with; explanation in the Final Feelings section below.)
9: Entitlement.
Assuming a right to something without any consideration for the possibility that one may not have the right. This assumption frequently is unidirectional and/or implicitly only functions as long as most other people do not have a similar right.
This trait was not core to either Tema Okun’s work on white supremacy culture nor Robin DiAngelo’s work on white fragility. However, it is an underlying component of racism (who is entitled to what), white supremacy culture (entitlement to other people’s works), and white fragility (entitlement to comfort).
Examples:
Assuming that one does not need to ask (or wait for an answer) to use someone else’s work for one’s own purposes. (Related to the trait ‘Urgency.’)
Believing that people’s boundaries regarding their work or creations do not matter. I hope I don’t need to spell out why this problem gets so in fanfic-based fandom spaces. That can of worms would need its own post and I’m already exhausted from this post.
Related to Right to Comfort: believing one is entitled to a peaceful community, even when it comes at the expense of everyone else’s sense of safety and belonging.
Fixes:
Assume one does not have permission until and unless told you do.
Graciousness if someone does not want you to use their works.
Their reasons may have nothing to do with you, so also learn not take someone else’s refusal personally.
When you do assume a right, take a moment to imagine it’s reversal (I.e. everyone else having the same rights to your work or output). How comfortable are you with this prospect of everyone ‘borrowing’ from you that which you are currently trying to borrow from someone else?
Additional Commentary:
I detailed my direct experience with the admins' entitlement down below under the trait titled ‘Urgency.’
This trend continued with their behaviors towards what server content they did and didn’t delete prior to deleting the whole server. When fans who left or were banned insisted all their own messages in the server be deleted, they were refused on the basis of ‘preserving’ the server. Yet the admins had no problems deleting every channel that had even a shred of discourse in it. They later deleted a few other channels on the grounds of people’s personal information potentially being in those channels and putting members at risk…except that if there was any such information, it had always been present in this channels; why did it suddenly matter now? I concede that they eventually deleted the individual members’ messages per their requests, and that the fear-mongering about private information came from another member altogether. However, between nebulous accusations that an admin had been party to a past doxxing of this member in the first place and the on-going problem of the admins behaving with false urgency (another trait below), I’m having a very hard time being sympathetic about this or giving them any more benefit of the doubt. Their selection of which channels to delete look less like protecting server members and more like a failed attempted to protect their own reputations.
III. Binary Thinking
This is not just a futile attempt to simplify reality, but an entitlement to a simplified reality and a habit of attempting to force others into one’s own dualistic constructions.
10: Either/Or
Polarization of issues and assumptions, categorical thinking, and viewing everything through this binary lens.
Examples:
Positioning or presenting options or issues as either/or -- good/bad, right/wrong, with us/against us, pro/anti, good/evil, safe/dangerous, etc.
Related to Perfectionism: a suggested solution must be either perfect or it’s useless.
Tendency to escalate instead of de-escalating, especially in a context where de-escalating is viewed as dismissing a problem.
Generalizing individual experiences or statements to the collective, or attempting to dismiss a claim because it is coming from an individual; either “everyone” is saying something or “no one” is saying it.
Fixes:
Cultivate a habit or community culture of looking for multiple ‘takes,’ viewpoints, and conclusions.
Break the habit of trying to sort people and ideas into two or a few categories.
Practice taking situations with seemingly only two possibilities and identifying points between them or alternative options altogether.
Be willing to set a future date or deadline for continuing a disagreement in order to de-escalate emotions in the moment. We have more options than either fixing everything in the moment or ignoring problems forever.
Additional Commentary:
When asked for transparency, this server’s Admins acted as if mistakes had to be either ignored or turned into a big production. This left no room to acknowledge a mistake, learn, and move on, since that was neither ignoring the mistake nor treating it with sufficient drama.
11: Perfectionism
Belief that there is a single right way to accomplish something. Belief that individuals must implement only correct, successful actions (and that missteps and mistakes represent fundamental character flaws).
Examples:
Mistakes are seen as personal, i.e. they reflect badly on the person making them.
Making a mistake is confused with being a mistake; doing wrong is confused with being wrong.
Believing a problem can be permanently resolved with the correct or ‘perfect’ course of action.
Fixes:
Develop a community where the expectation is that everyone will make mistakes, but those mistakes are opportunities for learning, not value judgments.
Accept that, when faced with a systemic or deeply entrenched issues, community leaders will need time to address the problems.
They will probably need to try multiple ideas, some of which might not work. That’s okay; it does not have to be a failure if you learn from it and try again.
Additional Commentary:
In the case of this server’s implosion, perfectionism appeared with the Admins’ fixation on looking for a solution that would ‘put the matter to rest.’ They ignored or actively derided suggestions that did not ‘solve’ the problem in its entirety.
12: One Right Way
The belief that there is a particular correct or ideal way of doing this (and that fault lies with others for not following this particular correct way).
Examples:
Assuming that once people are introduced to the right way, they will ‘see the light’ and adopt it.
Believing that when one’s way is not working, the fault lies with everyone else for not ‘converting,’ not the method itself.
Related to perfectionism: believing there is a singular or permanent solution to on-going, systemic problems.
Believing only certain people are qualified to address or resolve problems. This is especially prevalent among people whose post-secondary education was mostly institutional (i.e. college).
Fixes:
Create a culture of support that recognizes how mistakes sometimes lead to positive results.
Challenge notions of what constitutes the "right way" and what defines a "mistake."
Catch our internalized assumptions about being ‘qualified’ to fix a problem on our own or take on a large responsibility.
Additional Commentary:
Once again, in the interests of living up to my own standards, that means admitting when I’m doing or did the very habits I’m castigating. While my intent was not to behave as if I thought there was One Right Way, I recognize that my actions had the same impact as if I did believe in One Right Way. I presented a solution (collection of rules, guides, and channels) from a server I owned in another fandom entirely, and implied that there was only one right way to ‘fix’ the server.
That said, their conduct in utilizing this also reflected Entitlement and Urgency (which is where I elaborated).
13: (Belief in) Objectivity
The belief that there is some neutral, unbiased experience or viewpoint a person can have.
Because patriarchy so often uses claims of emotionality to dismiss women, many women become oversensitive to claims of subjectivity or identity-based bias. This can make recognizing the invalidity of objectivity difficult in communities whose leadership is dominated by women, especially white women (as white men tend to be most likely to rely on accusations of excess emotion in the first place).
Examples:
Fixation on prioritizing facts over feelings, or thinking feelings can be disregarded and ignored.
Requiring people to think in a linear fashion or otherwise expecting others to perform only the type of logic validated by those in power.
Those in power get to be scared, hurt, or angry and still viewed as rational/logical, while marginalized people who are visibly scared, hurt, or angry are deemed irrational/illogical.
Refusal to acknowledge when a certain line of logic is covering an emotional bias, perspective, or agenda.
Fixes:
Own up to one’s subjectivity; instead of assuming that one can have some arch-neutral worldview, be clear about your background, experiences, and potential biases (whether you believe you actually have these biases or not).
Recognize your own worldview will be as subjective as everybody else’s. If your view of society is also part of the dominant view of society (e.x. if you are white and/or cis and/or male and/or…), this means you were probably conditioned to believe certain assumptions are objective when they are actually subjective.
There is no way to be human without being biased by one’s identity and experience; some identities are just so privileged or normalized by institutions that they are the “invisible” default or norm.
Get into the habit of trying to determine what a situation you are in looks like from the outside, what information others do and do not have, or getting diverse perspectives on various situations.
By “get into the habit,” I mean we should practice doing this even in situations without confrontation, crisis, or argument. Analyze successful incidents and events this way to get the practice for handling unsuccessful incidents and crises.
Utilize ‘I’ statements and make sure not to assume that your personal experience is the same as everyone else’s experiences.
Community leaders have to take extra special care with what we say about our communities and how we present our assumptions and experiences. When we claim a community is trustworthy or safe, we just make it even less trustworthy or safe for anyone feels otherwise, because this disconnect between our experiences (that we generalize) and theirs (that we individualize) creates a barrier against further feedback.
Additional Commentary:
This was also related to at least one admin struggling to disconnect their own experiences with everyone else’s experiences. To the admin, because so much of their own time was consumed by this discourse, they spoke and behaved as if this were consuming the entire server. They did not realize that most of the members of the server had nothing to do with this discourse, and many did not even know it was happening…until the admin started repeatedly utilizing @everyone. This implies the admin viewed their own experience as “objective” and thus projected their own experience onto everybody else.
VI. Validation Seeking
I called this collection of traits ‘validation seeking’ because they all trace back to appeals to external authorities or claims of external pressures.
14: Progress = More
Assuming solutions always require “more” of something; never considering that existing resources could be sufficient or that “less” might be a solution.
Examples:
Assuming the goal is always to grow membership, rather than maintaining an enjoyable community
Assuming that “more” will fix a problem (e.x. more moderators will fix a moderation problem)
Disregarding the costs of growth (such as how increased number of channels can make a community overwhelming to newcomers)
Valuing people who have achieved a certain milestone or objective metric of progress more than those who have not (e.x. valuing older members over younger ones, valuing college-educated members over those without college education, etc.)
Fixes:
Try to make sustainable decisions, with an aim not for endless growth but maintaining the actual goal of the community.
When pursuing “more” of something to solve a problem, first evaluate what you actually need and determine why the existing number of resources is no longer sufficient when it previously had been.
For example, are you actually pursuing more moderators because there is an increase in activity and the existing moderation team feels burnt out and falling behind? Or are you just assuming that you need more moderators regardless of activity levels?
15: Quantity Over Quality
Believing that only things that can be numerically measured have value (and that things which cannot be measured have little to no value).
Examples:
Fixation on things like number of members in a community (quantity) over the members’ relationships and experiences in said community (quality)
Treating quantified milestones as a goal in their own right, rather than means to an end or a guideline (e.x. acquiring a certain number of moderators or maintaining a certain number of channels in a server)
Discomfort with emotions and feelings (as they cannot be measured objectively)
Fixes:
Determine traits and practices important to your community which cannot be easily quantatively (safety, respect, mutualism, etc.) and think of ways to evaluate them (for example: open-ended questions in a survey instead of relying exclusively on numerical ratings or menu options)
Focus less on output goals and more on process goals, such as how many new ideas were considered or how many people felt fully heard in a meeting. Even if, in the short run, this feels like leading to a bunch of unproductive meetings, in the long run this creates a more robust decision-making process.
Treat ‘accountability’ not as a euphemism for punishment (which social media tends to do), but as an opening for receiving support.
Additional Commentary:
The admins fixated on obtaining more moderators, but the reality is that the problems facing the community did not need more moderators, but rather a shift in culture altogether - a thing which could have easily been engendered by the admins on their own, even without additional moderators.
16: Worshiping the Written Word
Fixation on knowledge provided by institutions over people’s lived experiences and on-going, dynamic realities.
This one is hard to recognize in virtual communities because most or all of our interactions are “written” in chats and social media.
Examples:
Attempting to use dictionary definitions of words as arguments in and of themselves or treating them as the end of an argument.
Refusing to acknowledge that the way people use a word in daily living may not match up to the institutional definition.
Using errors in spelling, grammar, or language to justify dismissing someone’s arguments.
Over-valuing people who can write well (or just write a lot), and undervaluing the contributions from people who rely on other media formats or informal documentation.
Fixes:
Treat encyclopedia articles and dictionary definitions as a conversation starter, not an argument ender, e.x. “This is my understanding of that word; what’s yours?” or “In what ways does this ‘official’ definition fall short?”
Focus less on using resources (articles, videos, guides, etc.) as an appeal to authority in an argument, and more as a starting point from which you develop your own community guidelines.
Additional Commentary:
I had an out-sized impact on discourse simply because I could write a lot in one go. Some of that was me anonymously relaying other people’s words on their behalf and some was original on my part; most of what I said simply reiterated what others had already conveyed. However, as I did so in a pseudo-academic manner, my word was given more weight.
Sharing of resources like educational articles or videos were treated as the end of a discussion, rather than the start of one.
17: Urgency
Applying extremely short deadlines to action, giving no time for rest or consideration. Utilizing the overarching urgency of racism as an excuse for short-sighted, short-term actions.
Examples:
Related to Quality Over Quantity: prioritizes measurable actions over impact.
Fixation on appearing to address racism moreso than actually doing it.
Uses expediency to justify poor-decision making processes or lack of consideration (related to Entitlement, Power Hoarding, and Conflict Aversion).
Often relies on perpetuating the idea that racism can be “solved” (which in turn implies that future accusations of racism cannot be made, nor community problems discussed).
Creating a culture of anxiety as people believe they must act immediately or they will never get to act at all.
Related to Right to Comfort: rushing decision-making in order to rush towards an idealized state of no further conflict.
Fixes:
When the feeling of urgency arises, slow down and encourage people pause, restate the goal, and dive deeper into alternatives.
Avoid making decisions under extreme pressure.
Work to distinguish what is actual pressure and what is pressure that you or others are creating.
Establish plans ahead of time for how decisions will be made during times of urgency, and how crises can be handled in the short-term while leaders evaluate ideas for long-term change.
This is related to Conflict Avoidance. When community leaders are uncomfortable with conflict, this also means not wanting to think about potential conflicts, and thus having no plans when conflict arises anyway. Becoming comfortable with conflict also allows planning for conflict management.
Additional Commentary:
When I showed the admins my fandom wank resolving set-up from another server (as mentioned in my additional commentary on One Right Way), they asked me if they could just use it as it was. However, they were too impatient to actually wait for an answer and used it, anyway, before I could respond. It was very clear that my answer never actually mattered to them. Had they waited, I would have explained how this exact set-up was not a good fit for this community and its current problems; I was sharing it assuming they would use it as a source of inspiration to brainstorm their own ideas for their own server. In addition, while I did not mind sharing, these were not my sole creation, but the product of a team of mods in my other server. Even if it had been a good fit, I would have checked with other mods whose labor had gone into this set-up to see if they were also alright with its wholesale reuse.
My experience is only one example. Ultimately, the admins kept fumbling, and increasingly claimed it was all due to the pressure and demands from the community that they ‘handle it’ - refusing to acknowledge that community members weren’t asking for an immediate solution to every problem. This urgency was self-inflicted. The server admins disregarded all their remaining mods’ suggestions that would have given them more time to address these problems carefully. Server-wide slow-downs, channel trimming, temporary server freeze, etc. - the admins had multiple ideas given to them, but shot them all down. The admins’ goal was not to address the problems, but to suppress discussions of racism as fast as possible because they were uncomfortable with admitting its existence in the first place (see Right to Comfort at the top).
Final Feelings
What Took Me So Long To Say Anything?
I didn’t want to risk the admins prematurely deleting the server out of spite. They were already unilaterally and suddenly taking away a community space from hundreds of fans entirely for their own benefit. I could not count on them being above robbing people the final opportunity to recover the last shreds of their materials and memories from the server.
I also, quite frankly, just had a lot going on in my offline life.
I continued to take my time even after they deleted the server because I was hurt and furious. I needed time to turn what was originally a soliloquy of my sorrows into an educational guide.
This was exacerbated by finding out that the admins faked the ‘death’ of the server:
As you can imagine, I was furious - and to be honest, I still am. That anger was precisely why I made myself slow down. I did not want to burn down the fandom for the sake of keeping only myself warm.
Complicated Feelings
I feel hurt and betrayed by the Admins and disappointed in the Inciting Incident Mod…but one thing I will say for them is that they expressed interest in learning the language and culture of the country that our fandom’s show came from.
They showed far more interest than that aforementioned Indigenous Server Member ever did.
I don’t begrudge this indigenous fan for defending their cultural tradition, nor their anger over how it was handled. I also acknowledge that in fandom and irl, Asian diaspora often end up partaking in white supremacy culture and entitlements. However, I do find this fan's umbrage at the initial ignorance to be tremendously hypocritical given this fan’s approach to Asian cultures, traditions, and histories. Their fanfics, server interactions, and other fanworks in this Asian media fandom demonstrated incredible disregard about Asian cultures - one which this fan never showed any interest in undoing or challenging.
I doubt it was a coincidence that this fan blocked me on Discord right around the time I started talking about the westernization of eastern characters and settings. Even if it was, that doesn’t lessen the pervasive apathy towards Asian culture in their fandom activities.
I routinely see fans call for the decolonization fandom when it comes to BIPOC people settings, only for these same fans to turn around and perpetuate the colonization of fandom when it comes to Asian people and settings.
This does not mean western fans shouldn’t participate in an eastern fandom! This participation is the best way to learn about a new culture. Mistakes and missteps are parts of the learning process, both at the individual level and at the collective level.
This is also not to pass a judgment on that specific fan or their creative works. That would be hypocritical of me in turn, given I’ve enjoyed some of those stories and fanworks, anyway.
I am bringing this up to demonstrate why solidarity is difficult for fans of color.
As an Asian diaspora fan in particular, I hate feeling like my choices are “BIPOC fans with ignorance and apathy that they don’t want to unpack” and “white fans with supremacy culture that they don’t want to unpack.” Either way, I’m going to have to put up with a ton of entitlement (never mind the rampant fetishization of Asians from all sides, which is its own can of worms I can’t even open right now).
And if I try to speak up about any of this, I will get blocked or I will be accused of being an anti-fandom killjoy.
Again.
Final Thoughts
People change for the better, and communities change for the better.
I know fandom can change because I’ve seen how it’s already changed. Fans take social justice issues and racial justice issues far more seriously than they did 20, 10, or even 5 years ago, and that’s just my own living memory of fandom.
We should always take a moment to recognize and celebrate how much better we are today than we were in the metaphorical yesterday.
But being better than yesterday does not mean being good enough for tomorrow.
And we still have a long way to go.
-
Thank you for reading this monstrously long post all the way to the end. Please remember to answer the poll at the top. Please reblog, and I encourage you to add your own experiences when you do.
#kinnporsche#discord#fandom#shipping#discourse#meta#thai bl#teen wolf#star wars#marvel#on fandom#fandom meta#fandom issues#i'm sure this is happening in lots of fandoms#the ones tagged are just ones i've seen or immediately heard#fandom racism#fandom problems#i encourage you to tag it with the other#fandoms#you have seen these traits in#it would not be the first time i made a post about#a seemingly fandom-specific problem related to racism#only for it turn out to be super relatable in other fandoms#that i have never been in or even heard of
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A HH Lucifer-centric AU 15/?
PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21, PART 22
hooo weee this is a long one. A reaction chapter part 1
A few things to clear up:
Sir Pentious is in Heaven
They do not know that yet.
He'll have a part in the sequel!
------------------------------------------
Charlie is beyond worried.
She and the entirety of Pride sat in anticipation as Hell's highest powers perform the ritual again. Her dad disappeared a month ago and in his absence, she thinks she had handled Pride rather well. Vaggie and her friends were a big help though, as well as her uncles and aunts if they could.
Charlie has not missed once broadcast ever since it aired. Every time she looks for her dad among the demons and every time she's disappointed.
She keeps watching anyway in support- no matter how busy she was. The hotel residents do the same, dropping what they were doing to all sit in the couch together and watch this 'til it ended. The first time it aired created a mass panic that Charlie had to induce a Hellshake to placate her people. It somehow worked.
After the panic, it became the biggest hit "show" in Pride, resulting in the production of legit merch and even a few parodies- like it's just a game, like this can't kill them all.
That craze lasted almost 2 weeks but even the fanatics stopped watching when it was apparent that this wasn't a quick fix. Panic again then calm then panic- over and over and over again.
Vaggie: Babe?
Charlie: Hey, Vaggie.
Charlie tried to give her lover her usual smiles but she thinks she haven't given one ever since her dad left. Worry and guilt are eating her whole and she's just trying to stay afloat.
Vaggie: Hey, come on. What's going on in that pretty head of yours?
Charlie: Flatterer.
Vaggie: Not wrong though. But don't try to change the subject. .. Is it about your dad?
Charlie: I don't think I remember a time in a hundred years when it wasn't. When did it go so wrong, Vaggie? We were so happy when I was a kid..
Something inside the princess whispered her mother's name. She shakes off that thought because there's no way. Her mom and dad loved each other.
'But then why did they split? Why did your mom leave? Why did your dad fall in love with someone again?'
The voices are making a point but there's no chance her dad was going to tell her everything and it's not like her mom is even an option.
When Vaggie told her that Alastor and her dad were something, she tried to think of every moment she saw of her dad and the radio demon together after the hotel was rebuilt. The princess of Hell trusts Alastor but she doesn't know if she can trust him with her dad.
But..
Charlie: Dad is happier.
Vaggie: Huh?
Charlie: Sorry. Was thinking of him and how Alastor is probably helping him come out more than I am.
Vaggie: Hey hey. I know your dad would be devastated if he knew you were thinking that. He loves you and you love him, right?
Charlie: More than anything.
Vaggie: That's my girl. Now why don't we-
Cherri: Holy shit! Guys! The broadcast turned on again!
All of them rushed to the lobby upon hearing the cyclops yell. They thought it was over 30 minutes ago when the nth overlord and Goetia fainted. Guess Vox was a bit afraid he would be next and turned it off to save face.
Angel: Holy shit!
Holy shit indeed. The one on the screen is none other than her dad! And a beautiful lady in white?
Husk: Who the fuck is that?
Nifty: She looks so clean! I wanna know what products she use.
Vaggie: Do you know who that is?
Charlie: Probably who dad was looking for.
Goodie: Such words! Angel, was self-preservation not included when you gave them the fruit of knowledge? Lucifer: Apparently not.
Okay, they clearly missed out on some context because her dad just arrived and he's mad. They watch as Lucifer grabs Velvette's face hard enough to bleed. Everyone is kneeling and seem to be locked in place. Husk eyes Alastor's monstrous form in the background warily.
Husk: Something happened.
Lucifer: I can't blame you. I was not the most present ruler, after all. But I thought I made something very clear when I dealt with that moth man.... I guess one example isn't enough.
One moment Velvette was struggle and the next her fucking jaw is gone!
Angel: Holy shit!
Husk: Ugh! You keep saying that. Don't you have any other words than holy shit?
Angel: 'M sorry, Huskie. But what else am I supposed to say to that huh??
Charlie's winces but her eyes are still glued to the screen as her dad summons his flaming sword and brings it down to the pink demon.
Lucifer: So, let me keep it simple. I'm Lucifer Morningstar. The creator of the first sin. The angel that damned humanity. Í̷̫̈́́͂̒̚̕͝͝͝'̶̨̛̺̤̿̀͒͛̂̿͋̄̑͆́͘͠͝M̴̝̯̖̦͍̽̎̏͆̔ ̴̛̛̄̋̈̑̓̀̓̃̄͐͗ͅŸ̷͇̙̟͈̭̥̬̻̙͔̠̱́̽̊̊ͅÔ̵̤͙͈̬̫̪͕̼͍͌̀̔͜U̴͈̼͖̯̤͌̀̀̓̾̔͆̈́̊͑͗̕͠͝R̵̨̹͍̦͒͌̋͒͆͌̄͛̓͑̔́͜ ̸̝͑̐̀̉̃͠͝F̵̞͖̮̗̗̜̯̯͔̮͒̊͒̈́̈́́̽́̂̂͑̎͝U̵̟̙̱̙̯̤̼̙͈̳̘̫͊̈̀C̷̙̞̔̅̊͌͋K̷̖͙̼̪̠̾̄̅̾͘I̵̛̩̘̜͖̩̙̿̐̽́͊́̒͆̆̎̑͗N̴̤̏̂͝G̸͋̋̍ͅ ̵̡͈̩̹̗̹̝̻̬͍̗̬̲̳̟̍͋̽͛̒̉̍͊͑̑̋̅̽Ḳ̷̡̬͔̞̱̤̬̮͉̙͇̪͛̅͊̚I̵̤͙̪̞̝͔̱͎̜̩̖̺̟͔̙͊Ṉ̵͈̤̘͚̻̙̼̓͂̌͋́̎͜ͅĢ̸̭͔͇̹̹̳̭͋̓̒͗̈́̉̈́̂̚.
They all had to avert their eyes as a giant ball of flame came down to finish Velvette off.
Lucifer: Û̶̪̌͐́̂̆͠͠n̸̛̟͕̱͍̫̘̻̣̱͈͈͇̱̜͛̓͗̏̅̇͋̒͆͊̓͗̚͠d̷̢̢̨̼̙͈̞͈͓͈͙̂̌͋̔̂̉̍̈́͆̿̈́̕͘͜͠e̵̛͍̯̫̼̫̐͛̊̒̆̉̓̊̽̓̒̒̚͘ŗ̶̨̢̧̮̜͙̪̹̯̙̪̤̠̝̓́̒̋͆̆̓̿͐̄̓̕̚̕ş̷̛̮͖̰̝̟͇͕̟̞̳̟̪̥̂̀̈́̈͗́̿̐̔̎̕̕͠t̶̮̖̭̹͓͉̪̣̦͙̖͍́͐͂̑͒̑͂̑̾̓̍̊͝ô̵̥͓̥͐̄̏̀̾̀̽̆ò̴̜͇̣̣̳͖̗̹̟̇̓͑͝ͅd̸̨̨͈͓̠͑͑̒̎̈́͘͠?̸̟̎̈
Even the sinners in the safety of the hotel nodded in fear. Lucifer made a delighted noise and with a clap, Velvette is back in one piece, albeit trembling in Vox's arms.
Lucifer: What? Do you really think I killed her? Sounds counterproductive. We still have a situation at hand and you are no use to me dead. Goodie: Up now! My sister is becoming restless.
Everyone let out a breath they didn't know they were holding. Angel collapsed to Husk's side, when did he even stand up? Nifty didn't move a muscle but her maniacal smile is gone. Cherri started fiddling with an ignited bomb out of nowhere which Angel had to move to throw.
Goodie: Remember, angel, if this fails, you must do what I have told you. Lucifer: Let's start.
Angel: Holy shit.
Holy shit indeed.
-----------------------------------------
Part 16 will be the 2nd part of the reaction before Lucifer goes in!
Dk if I will post on Wednesday as it will be my birthday! yayy
#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin charlie#hazbin angel dust#hazbin husk#hazbin lilith#hazbin vaggie#hazbin nifty#hazbin cherri bomb#hazbin sir pentious#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel vaggie#hazbin hotel husk#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin niffty#hazbin hotel cherri bomb#hazbin hotel sir pentious#radio demon#radioapple#alastor x lucifer#lucifer x alastor#duckiedeer#appleradio#alastor and lucifer#lucifer centric#lucifer morningstar#lucifer magne
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haha I’m back again haha-
If there was one thing you could change about the ace attorney story what would it be?
Personally it would be having the gap between where Phoenix and miles were in contact be a lot shorter. Because sometimes people forget Phoenix kinda stalked miles, they knew eachother for like a few months when they were 9 years old! So it is kinda creepy that Phoenix just stopped everything for him because he “looked sad.” The thing is we don’t even have confirmation that Phoenix tried contacting him. It would also make more sense if they were constantly talking to each other and it just stopped. Phoenix would have a better reason for the going into law school for a friend then “hE wAs sAd.” It’s honestly insane that nobody actually questions this for more than a minute! Like yeah, it’s the ace attorney universe. But are you telling me that no one thought “oh my god that is absolutely insane you need to talk to a therapist!” Anyways tell me what you think!
Haha hello again, anon :) (a few SOJ spoilers for the 1st paragraph) I don't think I would change any major event, but... I think I would change the way Trucy's relationship (or lack thereof) with some characters is depicted. Apart from the final SOJ scene with Edgeworth, it feels like Trucy doesn't have much of a relationship with the first trilogy's characters. In SOJ Maya doesn't mention her at all, even though it would make sense to have a dialogue with her asking Phoenix how his daughter was doing.... so maybe, if I were to change any part of the story, it would be for Edgeworth to notice she stuck in his suitcase a bit earlier so that she can take part in 6-5 at least. What she was even doing throughout the whole mayhem still baffles me... please don't tell me she was in the suitcase the whole time... I understand your point, although at least for me it just represents a character flaw & relationship flaw, and I find it interesting. I don't think it's something that's ever treated as a 'normal' decision in-game, either (Maya is flabbergasted when he tells her the reason he became a lawyer, for example). It shows how easily he gets attached to people and obsessed with saving them. It's an actual problem he has as a character. Also the class trial sells to me the narrative that Phoenix was a bit of an outcast in childhood (he had only Larry as a friend which is also mentioned to have had a not-so-good childhood). And in such a circumstance there was this one person to stick out for him so vehemently. Then he sees that same person - someone he saw as a hero - in a newspaper depicted as a demon who would do anything for a guilty verdict, and he can’t accept it. Phoenix does this to an extreme degree, but he does everything in his life to extreme degrees, really. And it seems like to him, as long as he gets to save people, nothing is a big deal. Like ‘yeah this is just a thing I need to do to save that person’. It’s no biggie to change life paths to save someone, it’s no biggie to swallow a necklace, it’s no biggie crossing a bridge on fire, it’s no biggie adopting a kid at 26 when your life is in shambles. I like that Phoenix and Miles’s relationship is not an idyllic love story thing. Phoenix’s tendency to get too attached, obsessed, and fixated on saving people is one of his character flaws, which is something he needs to work on. Miles’s tendency to self-isolate and do everything by himself contrasts with that and they both need to learn from each other, really. Both are incredibly unhealthy. What drives this point home is 2-4 for me, because Phoenix makes Miles’s death all about himself, like it’s somehow his responsibility. When it really isn’t. Miles had to take some time for himself and figure himself out. It’s the way he did it that was wrong. They’re both wrong here.
By the way Phoenix confirms he tried to contact him, we just don't know the 'how'. I suspect he may have just phoned/sent something to the Prosecutor's office, but who knows. Miles didn't reply, regardless. Unless he sent like, dozens of stuff to the Prosecutor's office, I wouldn't define that as stalking; he also never even tries to be in his vicinity if not in the courtroom. By his logic, he only can get through to him via the law, after all. By showing him and reminding him what Miles himself taught him as children. That's why he became a defense attorney and not something like... I dunno, a detective? Would have been easier to talk to him if they worked together, no? But that wasn't the point. He wanted to inspire Miles to go back to being the person who inspired him when they were children. That's my understanding, anyway. (also I like to consider the fact that the whole Dahlia fiasco reminded him of the feeling of being accused, but I'd ramble so I'll stop here... there's a lot behind his decision to become a lawyer) I do think it would have been nice if they had at least a few more months together as children though. In the game it’s ambiguous when the class trial takes place (and the JP school year starts in April) so initially I had thought they were friends for something like 8ish months… but in the anime it’s set in September. To me this may imply that Phoenix didn’t have a nice childhood either; maybe it wasn't tragic, but he was lonely enough that he hanged on the memory of those 3-4ish months because those were his most precious ones. It’s… sad.
P.S. Sorry if I rambled too much anon, I tend to overanalyze stuff.
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August Creator of the Month: Mavidraws
Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month: @mavidraws
Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTMs can be found here.
Tumblr Blog Name: Mavidraws
How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Mavi
Quick Links:
Tumblr Blog Commissions Info
1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?
2017. Most Wanted.
2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?
In 2023, after playing Blades 2. I spent years without playing Choices, but this book really inspired me to create some art, and I began interacting with the fandom after that.
3- How did you pick your blog name?
It’s a combination of my nickname, Mavi, which is short for Maria Vitória, and “draws”, since this is (mostly) an art blog.
4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!
It's a drawing of the main characters and my MC from an interactive fiction called Keeper of the Sun and Moon (@keeperofthesunandmoon), which was my first digital drawing ever. I was fascinated with this IF and wanted to share how I envisioned these characters.
5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both?
I create fan art.
6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?
I’ve been creating for Choices since late 2023, and for other fandoms (such as KOTSAM, Golden and TWC) since 2021.
7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?
Honestly, I can’t pick just one—The Elementalists, Endless Summer, and It Lives in the Wood are some of my favorites. But Blades is definitely my favorite book to create for.
8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?
I absolutely love this piece and wouldn’t change anything about it. This was the drawing that helped me establish my current art style.
9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created?
This drawing of Tyril and my MC from Blades. I think it was the most emotional piece I’ve ever created and I’m really proud of it.
10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?
I think this drawing of f!UB from TWC did exceedingly well, and it was even noticed by the author—which I never ever ever expected.
I think this drawing of Valax could use a little more love.
11 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?
I see a lot of myself in Theodora, my MC from Golden (an IF by @milaswriting). Her personality and internal struggles are very much my own, as well as her interests—like myself, she’s a law student (I’m currently an attorney) with a passion for fashion.
12 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?
Backgrounds. I’m much more comfortable drawing people.
13 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?
Currently not.
14 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first?
I already showed my work to my boyfriend and many of my friends a long while ago. But if I had to pick an art piece to show them today, it would probably be this one —I’m really proud of how these wings turned out.
15 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?
I don’t really have an artist that inspired me. Most of my art style comes from my love of makeup.
16 - Which one of your creations would you like to see a fiction written about?
This pre-battle moment from Blades 2 between Tyril and MC.
17- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art?
No.
18- What other hobbies do you have?
I really love makeup, and I consider myself to be a great makeup artist. I’m also a huge film nerd.
#cfwc creator of the month#playchoices#creator of the month#blades of light and shadow#the elementalists#endless summer#it lives in the woods#mavidraws#choices fic writers creations#pixelberry
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I'm thinking about work anyway so fuck it
Star Trek Public Primary School AU 🛸 !
Kirk
-the headmaster!
-went into education because of his own unfortunate childhood
-has an uncanny ability to tell which student has a bad home life
-remembers everyone's name, even if you went to his school 5 years ago for 2 months
-misbehaving teenagers send to his office get some candy and a motivational speech that changes the course of their lifetime
-most days can be found hovering suspiciously outside of spock's classroom
-way better with older students, 12-13 - has absolutely 0 idea what to do with young children
-which is awkward when while waiting for spock outside his classroom he tries to make small talk with them (-so... son... read any good books lately? -i can't read!)
Spock
- teaches early education, 6 to 9 year olds
-greatly overqualified for the position, had a human psychology degree, interspecies child development degree, highly regarded in scientific community
-could be teaching university but prefers to spend his time sitting on carpets with children drawing clouds
-his class is extremely nontraditional - no desks, sitting on the floor, tons of meditation, classes in nature
-does not adhere to the program at all but somehow his classes always score the best on all exams
-turned down a position in a trendy montessori school for a public one
-parents either go out his way for their child to attend his class or request someone else - either from homophobic or xeniphobic reasons
Uhura
-the school's cultural assistant!
-also runs student exchanges with other countries and planets
-speaks every minority language that has representation in the student body
-also a substitute teacher
-she can give a super interesting lessons
-but takes 0 shit from students who won't respect her
-runs an extracurricular activity with spock when she teaches immigrant and refugee students to express their emotions with music
-is the best at pitching a project idea for funding, which is why her office and spock's classrom are the best equipped ones in the school
-spock's bestie, they hang out after work (gay/lesbian solidatity)
-still lives with her parents, they're super close
-wants to date but it's too boring compared to writing another lesson plan
Bones
-the school nurse! & in charge of nutrition
-teenagers are afraid of him
-small children absolutely love him
-takes his daughter to work and lets her draw with crayons on his important papers
-also constantly in spock's classroom, but to complain
-"damnit, spock! give them all the vulcan cuisine you want, but don't send them crying to me after they get an allergic reaction!"
-"meditation? maybe have them meditate on doing some real work for once"
-but when parents with pitchforks come to complain abt spock's methods he defends him like a lion
-he sends them piles after piles of scientific proof of why spock's method are actually the bestest and most efficient
-when kirk thanks him for stepping in he pretends like he doesn't know what he's talking about
Chapel
-teaches sex ed!
-the sweetest teacher ever
-one of those teachers that noone is intimidated by but noone disobeys because noone wants to makes her upset
-uses her Blonde White Straight Pretty Woman priviledge to convince reluctant parents to sign up their kids for sex ed
-goes All Out on halloween tho
-you know she is there, dressed like a witch, running an educational halloween themed activity! paper bats hanging from the ceiling!
-has gluten free and vegan candy in case the winners have a food sensivity!
-has a secret crush on Uhura and Spock both
Chekov
-teaches IT
-burned out miracle kid
-graduated university when he was younger than his current students
-lets students play roblox on the computers
-and teaches them how to torrent
-somehow noone from the faculty knows where he lives
-background check turns up nothing
-"did you know computers were invented in russia?"
-puts 0 effort in but somehow his students love him
-little girls take sneak photos of him to edit in a flower crowns
Scotty
-teaches a woodworking & engineering class and does janitor duties on the side!
-like kirk, absolutely 0 idea on how to treat younger kids
-strict
-has to be, no joking around power tools!
-but you know praise from him hits different
-will tell students he's proud of them when they make theit first little table
-can fix everything
-say "this interactive blackboard is broken!" three times to summon him
-marries to his career, teaching fulfills his paternal calling
Sulu
-teaches biology!
-rule follower
-stressed out about exams 3 years before his students
-not very inventive but everyone wants his class because there is a hamster in the classroom
-classroom full of houseplants
-if you agree to water them when he's away you will receive a 50 page manual on proper misting techniques
-not strict at all but will give a dressing down to a student who is seen treating a living thing badly
-can be bribed with plants
#disclaimer - this is not consistent with american schools#idk how they work ive never been#star trek tos#star trek the orginal series#spock#kirk#star trek AU#star trek headcanons
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Princess here. Hey babe how are you?
I feel like you're the only anon left here 🤭🤣
I currently have a slight cold and feel a bit out of it but I'm going to use this opportunity to do a bit of an inventory for 2024 as it is the end of the year. If anyone's interested, you can do the same and drop me askszz
Things I did in 2024:
1. Moved away from the place I lived in for 8 years 😭
2. Grew my hair down to my ass and then cut it chest length??? (My first haircut in like 3 years??)
Not all growth is meant to stay. Sometimes we grow in ways that help us protect ourselves during difficult circumstances but you can't live wearing your armour 24/7, so it's important to shed the layers we've accumulated every once in a while (me philosophising the heck out of my hairdresser telling me my hair is damaged and needs to lose length lmao 😭😂)
3. I cut off friendships I'd maintained for 8 ish years. Just because something has lasted a long time doesn't mean it has to stay. Especially if things aren't working out.
Don't tolerate disrespect and don't hold on just for the sake of it.
4. I went to therapy for 3-4 months and then I quit therapy
I needed it at that time but I'm also glad I quit when I did because I felt myself microanalysing everything through therapy speak and it wasn't healthy lol
5. I went back to my ex after 6 years and then it gave me the reality check I needed and I promptly left him
6. I dated someone who treated me like a princess but still somehow didn't respect me or value me lmao (yes, they exist)
7. A friend I had for a long ish time behaved inappropriately with me when he was drunk and despite having a gf, told me he thinks I'm hot etc etc this cemented my belief that men and women could perhaps never actually be friends
8. I started abusing substances after being sexually abused.
I never thought I'd have a substance addiction era bc that's sooo not me like no one would ever think I was a chainsmoker but that was the lowest point of my life this year. I didn't brush, shower, eat or even get out of bed for weeks. I stayed high and drunk bc I felt so unsafe in my body and was dissociating severely. I'm so glad to have recovered from it and move past it and to have had someone in my life who held my hand through that journey bc it was messy asf and I have sooo much compassion for people who stay stuck in that loop for years and lose so much of their time, like I completely get how easy it is to lose yourself entirely
9. Adult relationships are so different??
I wish I had been in a relationship in my early 20s or when I was in college so that I could get a little bit of a crash course on this stuff and not feel so overwhelmed by expectations bc im already 24 and things start getting serious at this age 😭😭
But I'm also glad I stayed single throughout college bc it really helped me solidify my own identity and understand who I am, what I want and what I expect. I think 18-22 are very personality cementing years and I'm kinda glad that my personality wasn't shaped by a romantic relationship even if I was madly in love with someone all those years (unrequited, one sided stuff). The act of being in love with someone unconditionally like that has perhaps altered me in ways I can't even express but I'm glad there's no trauma or drama to recall from that experience
10. What someone tells you when they're angry is exactly what they've been thinking of all this while.
11. I make my own money??? And pay my own bills??? And I have a job that I like??
12. You don't know a person until you live with them. Don't ever marry anyone you haven't lived with 🫡🫡
13. Sex is nothing special without love
14. Had really good sex and really bad sex
15. Met new people, made new friends
16. I modelled??? I've done a couple of photoshoots now??
17. Had ₹80 left in my bank account and still somehow survived
18. I learnt to cook and I loveeee to cook now
19. I got a tattoo!!!
20. I got many more piercings
21. I resolved a 1.5 year long "crush" twin flame esque situation I had with a guy
22. I travelled 💛
23. Built a new identity for myself 🫡
24. Restarted my creative journey
25. Lost touch with myself and then now I'm finally going home to me
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The King of the Freaks | Pt 5
Ao3 Link | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15
Steve is trying not to panic. Honestly, what was he thinking! He was desperate, and they could all tell. He slammed his locker open and rubbed his face. "Steve?" Jonathan's voice was soft, and Steve jumped. "Is everything alright?" He questioned, and when Steve looked over, he noticed Nancy. She was over by her own locker, looking over at them. She most likely was the one who told Jonathan to come over and talk to him. It's not like Jonathan had any reason to talk to him. They weren't friends.
Steve nodded and cleared his throat, "Yeah. It's nothing important," he promised. And it wasn't even a lie. Jonathan nodded slowly, and Steve wanted out of this conversation. Sure, Jonathan was a good guy. But Steve still hurt from how everything unfolded. He didn't blame Nancy for moving on, and honestly, Jonathan and her should've been together for months, but... it still hurt.
"You know, it's okay to be jumpy after everything." Jonathan said softly, and Steve's smile was strained as the conversation kept going. "You know you can always talk to us." And it hurt a little, hearing that. Because once upon a time, it was the other way around. It was Steve reaching out with apologies at the ready. (Trust him. He knew he overstepped and was an asshole. He also knew if he didn't overstep, then Jonathan wouldn't have fought him, and that's what Steve wanted at the time. To mask the pain swirling in his chest with actual pain.)
But it wasn't him and Nancy, looking out for Jonathan anymore. It was Nancy and Jonathan... and Steve- well, it wasn't the same. Steve wasn't close to Jonathan, and Nancy made it clear how she felt. The invite was done out of pity and fucked up trauma Steve's never going to deal with.
Nancy didn't love him, and she sure as hell didn't care about him if she was able to break his heart so quickly and refuse to apologize for throwing it in his face like a grenade. So, he squared his shoulders. "It's not about that. I was an idiot again, you know, nothing new." He gave him a sharp grin and shut his locker.
Except then, Nancy's there, siding up next to Jonathan. "Come on, Steve, can't we still be friends?" And the words die in Steve's throat. He thought he did enough for her. He let her go without making her feel guilty. He never told her how much she hurt him.
But he also never thanked her for pushing him to realize what a piece of shit he was. Because Nancy was always right, Steve had to be bullshit. Everything he worked towards the last year was bullshit. And if that's all bullshit than the only thing he's good at is throwing himself in front of danger. He could be Billy's target, so he doesn't bother anyone else. He could take all the shit the kids throw at him. But he didn't think he could take Nancy yelling at him again. Her words sharpened over time.
He took a deep breath, but before he could force himself to say anything, someone bumped into him. It's just like a small nudge to get his attention. It's a kinder version of a slap on the back from a teammate. "Hey Steve," Grant smiled.
Something eased in him at Grant's presence. "Hey," he smiled and tried not to note the look of annoyance on Nancy's face.
"So, we were wondering what days you're busy," he asked, and Steve glanced at the couple one last time before letting Grant pull him away.
"See you guys, around." He waved and headed down the hallway with Gtant. "You don't have to make your schedule around me."
Grant laughed and bumped him again, "we want you there. I think Gareth and Eddie are betting which one of them can get you to make a character first."
Steve's brain halted and paused. He was so focused on Grant that he didn't notice Billy until someone slammed into his shoulder hard enough to send him to the ground. "Watch your step, princess." Billy grins at him and Steve huffs.
Tommy kicks his bag away from him before he can stand, and he sneers. "Really making friends with the freaks? You're so desperate," he mocks and slams Grant backward into the lockers. It makes Steve see red, and he quickly moves.
He stands up easily and doesn't reach for his bag. He just pushes Tommy back from Grant and stares down at him. Tommy's back hits the lockers, and Steve grins down at him, watching Tommy's face go red. "Anyone's better than you," he winks, and just like always, Tommy's tongue was tied. Steve knew things about Tommy, things that he never shared, things Steve kept to himself. And he wouldn't tell anyone, but he'd use it to his advantage to protect the others.
Billy shoved him off of Tommy, and Steve held up his hands in a surrender gesture. Billy looked him up and down before looking at Grant. "Protecting freaks now?"
Steve smirked, "Your sister's a freak?"
"Steve," Grant cut in, and Billy scoffed.
"Shut it, fatty!" He growled, and Steve punched him before he even meant to. A crowd was starting to form as Steve straightened up. Billy laughed and dread coursed through Steve. "You really want to try this again?" Billy spat and Steve swallowed. His face was still sore from the last time.
"Don't be a dick," he nodded at Grant and Billy raised an eyebrow.
He leaned closer, and Steve fought against the urge to flinch. "You really did fall from the top."
Steve put all his king Steve swagger in his body. "I'm not going to fight for a make-believe crown." He glanced back at Grant and hoped his eyes were convincing enough to get him to walk away. "Not when you get off on it." And Steve's slammed back onto the ground.
"Billy!" A teacher snapped, and everything stopped. Grant moved to help Steve up, but Steve wasn't in the mood. He pushed himself up and dusted himself off. He moved and grabbed his bag from the floor. Billy was glaring, but he walked off with Tommy and a few others.
He felt exhausted, and his head was starting to swim. "Uh, just come over whenever. Honestly, it's not a big deal, I'll warn you guys on days when I'm not free... Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have swimming until 6." He offered and rubbed a hand down his face. His face hurt from the pressure, but he used it to ground himself.
The bell rang, and he looked over at Grant. He smiled and tried not to look like the mess he was. "I'm gonna go," he pointed behind him as they parted ways. He waited until Grant was out of view before ducking out of the school. He headed to his car and quickly got in. He leaned his head against the wheel before he let out a big shuddering breath before pulling himself back together and backing out of the parking lot. He could deal with his failing grades tomorrow.
@zerokrox-bloglog @cyranyxx @adaed5 @the-redthreadd @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaringceyoustopcaring @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshitorthisshit @failedstarsandgoldencloudsds @bisexualdisastersworldd @deadlydodoss @anythingyouwanttobee @nburkhardtt @bestwifehaverr @thehumblefigtreee @megzdoodlee @swimmingbirdrunningrockk @mightbeasleepp @bxlthazarar @autumnal-dawnn @chillichatss @nonbinary-eddie-munsonon @the-daydreamer-in-the-cornerner @eddie-munson-is-my-wifewife @a-little-unsteddiedie @sharingisntkaren @a-huge-nerdy-nerd @0o-queendean-o0 @beckkthewreck @vi-an-te @vampireinthesun @newtstabber @dinosareawesome2137 @spicemallow @hellomynameismoo @luthienstormblessed @briceslayed @angeldreamsoffanfic @dbquills @prideandsensibility @iwouldsail @ponfarrtimeatthevulcannightclub @spectrum-spectre @the-chilly-kat @yearningagain @loopsmd @starlight-archer @sleepy-time @goodolefashionedloverboi @crazyshipper67 @sherrylyn628 @bidisastersworld @v3lnys @n0connections cherixxx69 theotalksalot tailsfromthecrypt ledleaf grimmfitzz
(I’m so sorry that’s all the tags I could do!!! If you didn’t make it I’m sorry!!!!)
#he won't deal with them tomorrow...#Grant for the win#protective steve harrington#protective hellfire#season 2 au#stranger things#steddie#steddie fic#steve needs a hug#king steve#steve harrington#steve x eddie#eddie munson#hellfire club#corroded coffin#is it procrastination if I'm working on something?#i love these idiots#ao3#nancy needs to apologize#i love her but i hated how they ended everything#the fallen king and the king of the freaks
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Can Anybody See Me? Part 21
Executive dysfunction is a bitch and can go to hell. I had something I could have posted yesterday while I was working on this, but no...
I am starting to wonder if maybe I shot myself in the foot with my tag rant as engagement for the last Reconnect AU was WAY down. But oh well. I can only continue to move on and hope I find new people who like my stuff.
All righty, my lovelies. We have gotten to the part where I was going to end it originally before you absolute menaces said you wanted me to continue it through season 4.
But here’s the deal, this story has reached nearly novel length of 40k. So what I’ve decided to do is call this the end of book one. And then I will start up book two, which will be through to the end of the school year and probably through the events of season 3. And then book 3 should take us the rest of the way.
I hope that’s acceptable to all of you. I want to continue it, but I think from here on out the title doesn’t fit Steve anymore and he needs a new one.
Now if you’ve followed me long enough, you know that I don’t start putting out a story until it’s done (if it’s short enough) or if I’m three to four chapters deep. So hopefully by the end of the month (if not sooner) you should start seeing book two.
I will run a poll on how you think I should do the tag list for it. But thank you all for coming with me on this absolutely wild ride. And hope you’ll stick around for the next two parts.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20
***
Word had been handed down, Mindy Jones, Ollie Anderson, and Kyle Carver had been suspended with word that Kyle being the instigator might be expelled. For sure he wasn’t going to be able to walk in his cap and gown at graduation.
Steve felt a sense of relief and strangely justice too. Yes, all right suspension wasn’t getting expelled, but the kids had been punished. They didn’t try to hand wave it away.
Steve had heard that Mr Vinke, the math teacher, Mr Cole, Miss Lucy, and Chief Hopper had all gone to the principal and superintendent for all three of them to be expelled.
The suspension was a given, but the school district wanted to do their own investigation and then expulsions might be handed out after it was complete.
Steve didn’t have much hope.
Marty, Gethin, and Janice all sat with the Corroded Coffin boys at lunch, something they didn’t normally do.
“Fuck,” Janice swore. “Why I am more nervous about tonight than I have all week?”
Steve nodded, poking at his food. “I haven’t been this queasy since I took a plate to the head.”
Everyone winced and murmured sympathetic platitudes and other noises of sympathy.
“I think it’s because it’s your last performance,” Gethin murmured. “Your last chance to completely biff it on stage.” Steve and Janice looked at him in wide-eyed fear. He waved his hands placatingly. “Not that I think you will. Just that your brain thinks you will.”
Steve and Janice looked at each other and then nodded.
“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “That tracks.”
Eddie slid his hand under the table and gripped Steve’s knee. Steve covered his hand with his own and gave it a squeeze of thank you.
*
Steve scanned the crowd the second night. He spotted Jeff and all his family, Gareth and Gethin and their parents, Brian and all of his younger siblings, and what looked like his dad. Wayne shuffled in his seat nervously, having never been to a musical before. But still no sign of his parents.
His mom promised that at least she would be there, even if his dad refused to come. And he held on to that. He managed to make it through the show and held it together.
He went out to be congratulated by his friends and their families. Wayne brought him flowers.
“You did good, boy,” he said gruffly, after giving him a hug. “I looked it up and flowers are the gift you give someone after a well-done performance.”
Steve looked down at the bouquet of wild flowers and smiled. “Thank you. I love them.”
Jeff clapped him on the shoulder. “They might be a tad wilted by the time we’re done, because we’re taking you out to eat in celebration.”
Steve teared up a bit. “Thanks, guys.”
Gareth smiled. “You deserve it, man. That was awesome!”
Gethin nudged his shoulder. “We’re just waiting for Janice and Eddie to get done.”
Steve nodded. Eddie had to reset the stage for tomorrow and Janice had to get out of a corset and that took some time.
“Yeah, no problem!” he enthused.
Eddie finished first and came out to meet them.
“Hey, Steve!” he said. “Feeling famous yet?”
Steve laughed. “I’m going to get fat if this keeps up. First ice cream last night and then dinner tonight.”
They all laughed. “It’s impossible for you to gain weight, man,” Brian huffed. “I’ve seen you eat a whole pizza and didn’t even get bloated.”
Steve laughed. “Playing three sports does that to you. Hell, I still life guard at the rec center every summer.”
Brian eyed his lean form skeptically. “I suppose so.”
“Swimming’s fun,” Steve said. “And it’s not just for us jock types.”
Janice finally came out. “Sorry to keep you waiting guys. Sharing with Tammy Thompson is hell let me tell you. I don’t know how someone so tiny can take up so much room.”
“At least you don’t have to share the choir room with twenty sweaty dudes that wouldn’t know deodorant if it bit them in the ass,” Steve grumped.
Gethin shook his head. “Shouldn’t you be used to that from sports?”
Steve rolled his eyes. “At least there are showers after basketball. Can’t say the same here.”
Gethin’s lips curled. “Fair.”
Wayne clapped his hands. “All right, I’ve got us a place reserved, so we need to hustle. Eddie and Steve are coming with me.”
Eddie and Steve filed out with the rest of them and followed Wayne out to his truck.
Steve slid into the middle between Eddie and Wayne.
“Thanks for this, Wayne,” he murmured. “And the flowers, too.”
“You’re welcome, Stevie,” he said. “I didn’t see your parents. Did they show up last night?”
Steve shared a glance with Eddie and then shook his head. “There’s still tomorrow.”
Wayne and Eddie shared a glance of concern over Steve’s head.
“I’m sure that’s the case,” Wayne agreed.
An uneasy silence settled on them as they drove to the restaurant. Wayne parked and turned to Steve.
He pulled him in for a great big hug and then opened the door. “It’ll be all right.”
Steve nodded and slid out after Eddie.
The dinner was just as ruckus as the ice cream parlor the night before. With just as many people. Steve looked around and smiled.
Yeah, 1985 was his year and it was just getting started.
*
Steve looked out to the audience and knew, even in the dimmed lights his parents weren’t there.
“Tell me, Mr Thomson, out of curiosity, do you stand with Mr Dickinson, or do you stand with me?” Vince asked.
Steve could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. He held up the dispatch. “I stand with the General. Lately–I’ve had the oddest feeling that he’s been–writing to me…”
He slowly rose to his feet as he sang,
“I have been in expectation Of receiving a reply On the subject of my last fifteen dispatches. Is anybody there?”
His voice cracked with emotion as he stepped half out of the spotlight.
“Does anybody care? Does anybody care? Y’r humble & ob’d’t–”
The drum rolled and Steve looked up into the eagle’s nest where Eddie was doing the spotlight. A single tear ran down his cheek.
Steve looked down at the paper in his hand and then back up at Eddie. And then he exited the scene on cue.
Eddie swore he saw more tears in that moment then for ‘Mama Look Sharp’ that night.
But that performance of Steve’s brought out something in Vince in that moment. Vince’s John Adams bid Hancock good night, but then it changed. All the emotion and fear of not being seen or heard. The loneliness that Adams must have been feeling in that moment, borrowed from the loneliness of both Washington and Thomson.
“Is anybody there–”
Silence.
“Does anybody care–?”
Again, nothing.
“Does anybody see–what I see?”
And then Kenny came on and delivered the line with a sharpness that hadn’t been there before.
“Yes, Mr Adams, I do.” As if to banish all the fears and insecurities that John was having in that moment.
And Steve could almost hear it as though it was coming from Eddie. As if it was coming from his friends. The party. Wayne.
Yes, his parents weren’t there. They never were. And probably never were going to be. But that didn’t mean that no one was listening to Steve. That no one cared.
They all cared. Every last one of the dozens of people that showed up the last two nights. They cared. They brought their families. Brought flowers. Thought he was worthy of celebrating. Worth treating.
For the boy with the bat.
The boy that never knew what love really was until he looked up from a god damned garbage can into those warm and friendly brown eyes. A warm hand on his back and a gentle ‘Are you okay?’
In that moment, Steve’s life had become changed. Different. Better. All because a teacher took pity on Steve and chose Eddie Munson of all people to be Steve’s protector.
And he looked up at Eddie in the rafters and though he couldn’t see him, he knew that Eddie was looking back at him. Smiling back at him. Loving him for all his worth.
And if you had asked Steve what his worth was back in December he would have told you nothing. He wasn’t worth anything but being the baby-sitter. But now?
Now Steve was a baby-sitter, chauffeur, groupie, actor, chef, swimmer, friend, brother, and most importantly boyfriend. And maybe if he was really lucky, someone’s son.
***
Fin.
Fuck, rereading this to add back in the formatting made me cry. My apologies if it makes you cry too.
Tag List: @shrimply-a-menace @strangersteddierthings @throwbackthrowaway @novelnovella @cursedfoxteeth @babyblender @garden-of-gay @anaibis @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steve-the-hairrington @winterbuckwild @spectrum-spectre @matchingbatbites @thing-a-ling @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @artiststarme @sundead @nelotegreitic @gregre369 @butterflysandpeppermint @thedragonsaunt @kodaik97 @messrs-weasley @scarletzgo @deadlydodos @renaissan-vvitch @evix-syne666 @emly03 @justforthedead89 @ashwinmeird @huniibee @phantypurple @stevesbipanic @shucks-yuckyuck @lovelyscot @awkwardgravity1 @bookbinderbitch @reportinglivefromsoda @jinxjinn @chasinggeese @be-the-spark-bitch @kohlraedirectioner @cr0w-culture @xjessicafaithx @whimsicalwitchm @jaywhohasthegay @estrellami-1 @dangdirtydemons @howincrediblysapphicofyou @the-redthread
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Matt & Me🎀
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
a story heavily based on Priscilla Presley’s Book “Elvis & Me” based in the 1950’s - 1970’s.
fem! reader x singer! matt
disclaimer!! - in no way am i saying matt would ever support or do these kind of things, for the sake of the book certain unethical things do happen at times.
warnings - mentions of drug use
y/nn = your nickname for any confusion🩷
Chapter 11
Matt Sturniolo created his own world; only in his own environment did he feel secure, comfortable, and protected. A genuine camaraderie was created at Graceland. We lived as one big family, eating, talking, arguing, joking, playing, and traveling together.
Although I became friends with the guys in Matt’s retinue, he never let me, or anyone else, forget that I was his girl. I was never to get too close or become too familiar with any of the regulars.
One evening, after we came home from a movie, we said good night to everyone and went upstairs. Returning to the kitchen a few minutes later to get something to eat, I found Jerry Schilling, who’d just started working for Matt, making himself a snack. We started talking. A few minutes later, Matt appeared.
“What the hell are you two doing down here?” he shouted at us.
Intimidated, Jerry said, “Well, Matt, we were just talking. I was asking her how she felt, because she didn’t feel well this afternoon.”
“I came down to get something to eat,” I explained.
“y/nn, you don’t need to be roaming around here late at night,” he said, angrily ordering me upstairs.
Behind me, I could hear him lashing out at Jerry. “If you want to keep this job, son, you mind your own business. If there’s anyone who’s going to ask her how she feels, it’ll be me. You better mind your own goddamn business.”
I liked Jerry. He was warm, sincere, and very personable; just a couple of years older than I, he was one of the few people who I could relate to. But from that time on, it was a dodging match every time we’d run into each other. Now Jerry and I laugh about the “good old days” when we reminisce.
Most of the boys who worked for Matt had been around from the beginning and they knew all about him—his sense of humor, his sensitivity, and his temper. He stripped himself bare in front of them, and they accepted him for what he was.
Yet working for Matt was a twenty-four-hour-a-day job, and the boys were at his beck and call constantly. They played when he played and slept when he slept. It took a certain kind of personality to put up with his demands, whether they made sense or not.
“Come on, y/nn, let’s go to Los Angeles. I’ll show you where I film movies.,” he said one afternoon when we’d only been up for a few hours. He called downstairs and told Alan to alert everyone that he wanted to leave within the hour.
Alan said, “Okay, Boss. I think Richard and Gene are still sleeping. I’ll give ’em a call and tell ’em to come right over.”
“Their lazy asses are still sleeping?” Matt asked. “I’ve been up for two goddamn hours. They should have been over here by now. Alan, from now on, when I call down for my breakfast, call the boys and tell them I’m up and to be ready for anything, and that may include me not even coming downstairs. I just want them here.”
Demanding? Yes, but Matt could be just as generous. By today’s standards the boys’ salaries were not high—the average paycheck was $250 a week—but if the boys ever felt the pinch by the end of the month, they would go to Matt. They’d ask him if he could help them out with a down payment on a house or the first and last months’ payments on an apartment. Matt always came through for them, lending them the one thousand or five thousand or ten thousand dollars they asked for. He was rarely if ever paid back.
There also was no limit to the expensive gifts he gave them—television consoles for Christmas, bonus checks, Cadillac convertibles, Mercedes-Benzes. If he heard someone was sad or depressed, he loved to surprise them with a gift, usually a brand-new car. When he gave to one, he would usually end up giving to all.
James didn’t have much respect for the guys. He said Matt just gave and gave and gave, and they took and took and took. He’d say, “Son, we have to save.” Matt would answer, “It’s only money, Dad. I just have to go out and make more.”
James resented the regulars acting as if Graceland was their personal club. They’d go into the kitchen at any hour and order anything they wanted. Naturally, everyone ordered something different. The cooks worked night and day keeping them happy. James felt, “To hell with the boys. Their main concern should be Matt.”
What was really outrageous was that the regulars were ordering sirloin steaks or prime ribs while Matt usually ate hamburgers or peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
I wasn’t too popular around Graceland when I started reorganizing the kitchen. I set down a policy of having one menu per meal, and anyone who didn’t like what was on it could go to a local restaurant. This new edict resulted in much grumbling from the guys, but the cooks were relieved, and James sanctioned my decision, announcing, “It’s about time someone organized the meals. It was beginning to look like we were feeding half of Boston.”
Matt was the boss, the provider, and the power. Both the boys and I had to protect him from people who annoyed or irritated him and were no longer in his favor. Before coming down for the evening, he’d have me call downstairs to check who was there. I’d run down the guests, aware that certain names would strike him wrong.
“Shit,” he’d say, his mood destroyed. “What’s he want? Bring me some more bad news?” He’d stay up in his room rather than spend an evening with someone he didn’t like. There was one particular regular who had incurred his disfavor, and Matt told everyone he didn’t want him around. “Don’t let him through those goddamn gates!” Matt ordered. “All I have to do is look at his face and I get depressed.” Matt barred him from Graceland for a number of years, saying, “If he changes his morbid attitude, maybe I’ll change my mind.” His perceptions were correct, as these “friends” eventually betrayed him.
Matt and James kept some of their relatives at a distance because, as Matt explained to me, they’d shunned him when he was growing up, ridiculing him as a sissy, a mama’s boy. Mary Lou stood up for Matt and told his tormentors to go their own way. Angrily, she had said, “Don’t bother us with these accusations.”
Then fame and fortune hit, and suddenly all the kinfolk came around, begging for jobs or crying that they needed help. Sometimes Matt got upset, charging, “The only time they visit is with their hand out. It’d be nice if they’d come around just to see how I was doing. But hell no, it’s always, ‘Ah, Matt, I could use a little extra cash. Could you help me out?’ Hell, I’ll bet when I’m dead and gone, they’ll still be taking advantage.” But Matt ended up slipping each of them a hundred dollars or more every time they came around. If it had been up to James, he would have gotten rid of every one of them. But Matt kept saying, “No, Dad, they don’t have any place to go. They couldn’t work anywhere. Keep them here.”
From the beginning of his success, Matt put many family members on salary, and all had titles. James was his business manager; Patsy, his personal secretary; uncles Vester Sturniolo and Johnny and Travis Smith, and cousin Harold Lloyd, gate guards; cousins Billy, Bobby, and Gene, personal aides; and then there was Tracy Smith, who seemed to go from brother to brother for support. Matt took care of everyone.
I remember one night at Graceland when Matt came back to the kitchen and saw Tracy pacing the floor. “Hey, Tracy,” he said, “How ya doing, man?” Tracy, his hands in his pockets, could hardly look Matt in the eye. “I don’t know, Matt,” he sighed. “What do ya mean, you don’t know? Everyone knows how they’re doin’, man.”
Tracy, shifting back and forth, mumbled, “I got my nerves in the dirt, Matt.” Matt staggered back, laughing. “Nerves in the dirt! Hell, I never heard it expressed like that before. You need some money, Tracy?”
Again, Tracy just shifted back and forth, as Matt called Nate over and told him to give Tracy a bill. A big smile covered Tracy’s lined face as he happily took his hundred dollars and walked out the door.
Matt knew that having his nerves in the dirt was Tracy’s way of saying he was down and out—and worried sick about it. He never forgot that phrase. “Poor ol’ Matt,” he’d say. “I’ll never forget the look on his face that night, poor ol’ guy.”
That was Matt—always caring, always sensitive to everyone’s needs, even while presenting a macho image to his fans and friends.
Anything I could think of doing for him, I did. I made sure Graceland was always warm and inviting, with the lights turned low, as he preferred them, the temperature in his bedroom set to his exact desire (freezing), and the kitchen filled with the aroma of his favorite meals.
Every night before dinner was served, I came downstairs first, checked with the maids to see that his food was just the way he liked it—his mashed potatoes creamily whipped, plenty of cornbread, and his meat burnt to perfection. I always had candles on the dining room table to create a romantic atmosphere despite the fact that we always ate with several of the regulars.
I loved babying Matt. He had a little-boy quality that could bring out the mother instinct in any woman, a beguiling way of seeming utterly dependent. It was this aspect of his charm that made me want to hold him, shower him with affection, protect him, fight for him, and yes, even die for him. I went to extremes in taking care of him, from cutting his steak at dinner to making sure his water glass was always filled. I enjoyed pampering and spoiling him and found myself jealous of others vying for his attention and approval.
But I didn’t always receive his approval. If something went wrong with his dinner, Matt blew up. “Why isn’t this steak done? Why didn’t you make sure the maids cooked it right? If you’d have done your job, it wouldn’t have turned out like this.” Obviously something else was wrong, and I didn’t recognize it at the time. Because of the continuous pressures and problems in Matt’s life, all magnified by taking prescribed drugs, little things would set him off. I took responsibility for everything in his life and always took it all too personally.
I wanted to be with Matt as much as I could, but while going to the movies or the fairgrounds every night might have been a wonderful way for him to relax, it posed an enormous problem for me. Often I wouldn’t get home until 5 or 6 a.m., and I’d have to be at school two hours later. Sometimes I never went to sleep. When I did, I could barely make it out of bed. I would lie there trying to drum up the strength to face the day, Matt making it even harder by suggesting that I sleep in and cut classes. It would have been so easy to go along with his suggestion, but hanging over me was the agreement I’d made with my parents. They trusted me and even though I was letting them down, I still had to keep up the facade.
Day after day I drove to school, attended classes till noon, then returned to Graceland to slip back into bed and cuddle next to Matt, who was still sound asleep. When he awoke at 3 or 4 p.m., I might never have left his side for all he knew. I was there to give him his usual order of orange juice, a Spanish omelet, home-fried potatoes, a mere two pounds of bacon, and—first and foremost—his black coffee.
Everyone who knew Matt was aware that it took him at least two to three hours to wake up fully. Asking him to make a decision, even a simple one such as what movie he wanted to see that night, was ill-advised. He was just too groggy and irritable from the sleeping pills, which were causing him to sleep as many as fourteen hours a day. It seemed only natural for him to take some Dexedrine to wake up.
I was always concerned about his intake of sleeping pills. His horror of insomnia, compounded with a family history of compulsive worrying, caused him to down three or four Placidyls, Seconals, Quaaludes, or Tuinals almost every night—and often it was a combination of all four. When I expressed my concern, he just picked up the medical dictionary, always near at hand on his night table.
“In here is the explanation for every type of pill on the market, their ingredients, side effects, cures, everything about them,” he assured me. “There isn’t anything I can’t find out.”
It was true. He was always reading up on pills, always checking to see what was on the market, and which ones had received FDA approval. He referred to them by their medical names and knew all their ingredients. Like everyone else around him, I was impressed with his knowledge and certain that he was an expert. One would think he had a degree in pharmacology. He always assured me that he didn’t need pills, that he could never become dependent on them. This difference in opinion resulted in many serious confrontations; I always compromised my integrity and ended up taking his viewpoint.
I began taking sleeping pills and diet pills too. Two Placidyls for him and one for me. A Dexedrine for him and one for me. Eventually Matt’s consumption of pills seemed as normal to me as watching him eat a pound of bacon with his Spanish omelet. I routinely took “helpers” in order to get to sleep after wild rides at the fairgrounds or early-morning jam sessions. And I routinely took more “helpers” when I woke up in order to maintain the fast pace and, more importantly, to study for my final exams.
During the last month before finals, I started popping more dexies than before. They seemed to give me the energy I needed to get through classes and homework. Every free moment was devoted to cramming a whole semester’s work into a few weeks. But my concentration was scattered; the strain of life at Graceland had finally caught up with me.
I had already been warned by Sister Adrian that in order for me to graduate, I had to pass all my subjects. During a talk in her office, I wanted desperately to confide in her and explained how hard it was to maintain my grade level with the late hours I kept: But how could I tell that to a nun?
I had no real goals after graduation, but I did sometimes dream of becoming a dancer or possibly enrolling in an art academy. Now I realize that I was deeply influenced by Matt’s casual attitude toward continued schooling. He figured I didn’t need it and I agreed. Just being with him most of the time would provide an education—not to mention experience—that no school could give me. He wanted me to be his totally, free to go to him in an instant if he needed me.
That sounded great to me. I’d never planned on a future without Matt. Therefore, while my classmates were deciding which colleges to apply to, I was deciding which gun to wear with what sequined dress. I was tempted to say to Sister Adrian, “Oh, by the way, Sister, does gunmetal gray go with royal blue sequins?” With that attitude it was no surprise that I was still woefully unprepared for my most hated subject, algebra, the week before finals.
On the day of the test, I sat in the crowded classroom, hyper from downing a dexy, trying to work out the problems. Despite my effort, I knew there was no way I was going to pass. I started to panic. I had to graduate. I had an obligation to Matt and to my parents, who I knew would yank me out of Graceland the minute I failed this test. I glanced at the girl next to me—and at her completed test paper. It’s my last resort, I thought. I’m going for it. I was not willing to face the consequences of being sent home for failing this test.
Her name was Janet and she was a straight A student. I tapped her on the shoulder and flashed my brightest smile, whispering, “Are you a Matt fan?” Taken aback by my question, Janet nodded yes. “How would you like to come to one of his parties?” I asked.
“Are you kidding?” she replied. “I’d love to.”
“Well, I know a way that it can be arranged.”
I eyed her test paper and explained. Janet instantly grasped my dilemma and, without a word, slid her paper to the edge of her desk. Now I had a full view of her answers. I spent the rest of the hour furiously copying them down and I not only passed, but I got an A on that test.
I hadn’t expected Matt to make much of my graduation. His attitude was, “A diploma’s not that important; life’s experiences are.” But to my surprise, he really looked forward to it and arranged to have a big party for our friends after the ceremony. There he presented a beautiful red Corvair, my first car.
On the big night he was like a proud parent. Nervous about what he should wear to the ceremony, he finally settled on a dark blue suit, and I put on my navy blue gown. I couldn’t possibly keep the cap on over that mass of teased hair.
Matt had a limo waiting for us out front. But there was one problem: I did not want him to come to the actual ceremony. It would attract a lot of attention, and all eyes would be focused on him instead of the graduating seniors.
Finally I worked up enough courage to ask him to wait outside, and explained why. Smiling his funny little grin, the one that came to his lips when he was hurt or upset, he agreed without hesitation. “I hadn’t thought about that,” he said. “I won’t come in. I’ll just be outside in the car waiting for you. That way I’ll kinda be there.”
And that was what he did. I accepted my diploma with mixed emotions. I would have loved for him to have been watching, but only I knew what a physical, emotional, and mental strain it had been to get that piece of paper. To me, it represented freedom, freedom to stay out until dawn if I wanted and sleep all day if I wanted. It represented freedom from my school uniform and from the teasing the entourage subjected me to every time they caught me in it trying to sneak past them at Graceland. I was a big girl playing in the big leagues.
As soon as I could get away, I ran outside. In front of the church, Matt and the boys were standing by the long black limo, looking like the Chicago Mafia in their dark glasses and suits, each concealing a.38. Around them a group of nuns were clamoring for Matt’s autograph.
Excerpt from: "Elvis and Me" by Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. Scribd. This material may be protected by copyright.
a/n - so cute🎀
#matt stuniolo fanfic#matthew sturn#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo edit#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo x reader#nick sturniolo#Spotify
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* don't look now, but i lost my shoe.
(Undertale Sans x Reader)
Chapter One: * what's with these homies, dissin' my girl?
[Index | Next]
Notice:
(This story is nearly 5 years old, and though it doesn't show my best work, I decided to post it, just because I stopped it at chapter 18, when there were only 2 more chapters left to finish it. So... I'm gonna give it another shot – making minor edits to make the plot less dramatic and angsty, lol.)
(***Also, since Tumblr has a more limited format: italic texts are from you, the reader, and bold texts are from others.)
• • • • •
You've changed.
The best thing your boss did was to give you that warning.
You shouldn't keep working for the law if you're just gonna be a traitor.
How am I a traitor?
You work 9 to 5, sometimes 8 to 6, for the benefit of monsters.
Now, all of a sudden, our sex life goes down the drain.
I haven't slept with you since you got that promotion, and that was two whole months ago.
I'm supposed to be your husband, but you've left me in the dry.
I'm tired.
And I refuse to sleep with someone who won't support me in my new job.
Or should I remind you said I wasn't a real detective?
That my degree's 'worth shit', simply because of the field I'm working in these days?
The rest is an ongoing, fruitless conversation you can't bother yourself with.
Through reading those texts for what has to be the twentieth time today, you sigh, hiccup, and close your eyes tight, lifting your face slightly to avoid letting tears fall.
Barely two hours are left until he comes home to drop off your child, and the mere thought that you have to sleep with him five hours after that makes your stomach twist and churn. You don't want to imagine him naked: panting, heavy, and on top of you again, doing whatever he pleases with little regards to your own limits. Nausea takes over – violent, making you open your eyes and suppress a gag.
You really, really don't want anything to do with him anymore.
Yet, he insists you should remain married until your child reaches their eighteenth birthday.
“At least wait until they're grown up,” he said. “Cuz what's six more years? Be honest with me.” Then, he chuckled. “As ugly as you frown when you see me, I doubt you hate me that much.”
That had been a year ago.
Would you really have to wait five more years until your freedom?
The thought sends chills down your spine.
While he was a good father, that adjective didn't really fit next to husband.
At the beginning of your marriage, yes – he was the best spouse you could ask for.
Now?
You'd rather eat drywall than have to spend a single second near him – without your child around, of course.
With your newest agreement, it felt more as if your husband were a client, his payment being not making your life hell, and your service what he claimed was something a wife should be willing to give twenty-four seven.
You shake your head and search for a distraction amongst the people surrounding the bar, aware you can only end up worse if you continue to dwell on the subject. The air presses down on you hot and heavy, a feeling that only increases the more time you stay seated without doing anything for your growing aches. Your sole companion is your mind when you realize you're too overcome with emotions to talk to someone without scaring them off. Chatter drowns out coherent thinking and sensory overload begins to show by how difficult breathing becomes. Seeking an escape route, you hold the bartender back with a raised hand and an 'excuse me'. Then, you ask him for some bottled water – the only kind he could touch willingly. Small embers flutter around the air as he turns around, leaving you alone with burning cheeks and a pounding headache.
Groaning, you pinch the bridge of your nose and blink through your blurry vision. Then, you adjust your glasses – despite knowing the excess shots have pretty much screwed you over already. The hour marked on your phone surfaces a sigh. How fast time seems to be going makes you notice you currently only have around an hour left before your husband arrives with your child. They would be staying with you while he went off to work, and the least you wanted was to look washed up for his arrival.
"need somethin' else, pal?"
You jolt at the new voice, deep and hearty.
Reluctantly, you cast your gaze up to see a skeleton monster standing behind the counter, now glossy with polish. His face is tough to make out with the blurriness, yet you can tell he's looking at you. From the way he stands behind the counter and the stuffy look his suit gives off with its pristine and exaggerated formality, you figure he's a new employee. His newbie appearance doesn't erase the warm and welcoming aura most bartenders appear to carry by default, however. Instead, it makes his smile and words more genuine in his approach.
It takes you a while to respond aside from shaking your head – mind hazy and disoriented. You thank him and sweep the water bottle off the counter, then turn the lid open, breathe in deep, and take a series of long, greedy gulps. Finally, you set it back down, more than half of it already gone.
One more screw up, and you were out of your job at the law department for good.
It doesn't help that you're currently hanging out at a place strictly and utterly forbidden by your boss: a hole-in-the-wall bar and grill establishment open to all, kept family-friendly during the day and becoming more daring during the night. It has been long since you ever drank alcohol of any sort, and it's beginning to show. You can hardly sit without tumbling pitifully to the side.
“hey.”
You're snapped back toward reality through the feeling of someone resting their arms over the counter, facing you and waiting for your return.
You frown and look up from the water bottle to see the same skeleton – his previous stuffy appearance appearing more natural now that he's taken off his tie and left two of the shirt's buttons unfastened.
"i’m no expert on humans, but you look like you could use someone to talk to."
You feel hazy again.
And whether due to the drinks or the heat, you're not too certain of.
But – right now – you're positive about one thing.
“U- Um…”
As you wipe a tear off your cheek and burst out half a sob and half a laugh, you realize you really could use someone to talk to.
“Thank you.”
#sans x reader#reader insert#undertale fanfiction#ao3 fanfic#weezer reference#female reader#chubby reader#detective reader#long fic#weekly updates#undertale x reader#sans undertale#classic sans#angst and fluff#slow burn
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