#for some reason i was kinda nervous to post this but then i remembered i don't need to always post fully-rendered pieces so have a sketch

[wilting-fl0wer]

Y'ALL SHE'S BACK

Mia save me

save me mia save me

((protip: if you ever feel sad, just draw a morally grey bimbo, shit works better than my antidepressants))

[immoral-stranger]

𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 // 𝐋𝐍𝟒

Summary: “I got a nosebleed when you tried to kiss me. I told you — it’s like I’m fucking cursed!” — Or, in which an accident-prone girl stumbles and falls for everything, including Lando.

Pairing: Lando Norris x fem! reader

Word count: 23.2k (grab a snack)

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI ❀ Angst: injuries, hospitals, surgery, scars, blood, dead parent, mention of car crash. Smut: penetrative sex, oral (f! receiving), body insecurities, very vanilla. Fluff: idiots to lovers, so much pining and scheming. Other: inaccurate timeline and made-up race results. it's fiction, folks!

A/N: Posting this then falling off the face of the earth, because this fandom is scary. Kinda unedited for now. English is not my first language! ♡

Melbourne, Australia

Lando didn’t recognise you at first. Granted, he wasn’t the best at remembering faces, but usually if he’d met someone, he would remember them the second time around. Although, this wasn’t his second time seeing you, he would later learn. It was probably close to the tenth time. It had just been some time since your last encounter. For a logical reason, he would also later learn. 

Albert Park, 2024. Race day. That’s where he saw you this time. Walking down the paddock, next to Oscar and his girlfriend Jasmine, trying to keep up as the three of you made your way to the McLaren garage. Your hair getting messed up by the breeze, annoyingly sticking to your glossy lips, feet almost tripping on the seam of your baggy jeans. You were out of your element, putting on a brave smile — and Lando could tell. 

He didn’t realise he’d been staring at you, from his seat on the steps up to his motorhome, until you were out of eyeshot again, somewhere in the garage. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why you were familiar and it was killing him. If you were Australian, maybe that would explain it, since Lando had no way of keeping track of all of Oscar’s old friends. 

But you weren’t Australian. As he later walked into hospitality, he overheard a bubbly British accent talking to Jasmine and Oscar, an accent belonging to you. It confused him even more, really gnawed inside of him. He should know you, yet something wasn’t aligning, something wasn’t right. Oscar wouldn’t just fly anyone halfway across the globe. 

It all came crashing down when he heard Jasmine ask you a simple question. 

“Bunny, can you grab me a fork?”

Standing up from the table, you gave Lando a small smile as you caught his gaze, signalling that you at least knew who he was. 

Bunny, Bunny, Bunny. The nickname finally made him realise, finally made him recognise you. But you weren’t the Bunny he’d met at multiple races before. You didn’t look like she did. Or, you didn’t look like you used to. Bunny was Jasmine’s childhood friend who had gotten sick, who had stopped traveling, who had stopped coming to races at all. The girl before him however, wasn’t sick. You didn’t look weak in any sense. Nervous, fidgety, and out of place, sure — but never weak. 

As you were about to say a quiet hello to him as you walked past, Lando was already falling apart — socially that is. Words were stumbling out of his mouth before his brain had a chance to keep up. He cringed internally before he could even finish the sentence. 

“Holy shit, I thought you were dead!” 

He shocked you, that was obvious. Your eyes went wide as you struggled to say something in response. 

“Lando, you can’t just say that to someone,��� Oscar chuckled from a few metres back. 

“I-I’m sorry, I just… didn’t recognise you,” Lando stuttered out as you still stood dumbfounded in front of him. 

“You don’t think I would’ve told you if my best friend died?” Jasmine butted in, standing from the table, placing herself beside you. 

She could tell that you didn’t know how to react, already expressing your nerves about how uncomfortable it would be to attend a race after not going for a very long time, afraid that people would ask too many questions.

“It’s alright, it’s been a long time,” you finally managed to say. 

Then, an uncomfortable silence fell over the four of you. It was like you knew that you should explain why it had been such a long time, but you didn’t know how to do it —casually explaining the second most traumatic experience of your, thus far, relatively short life. It wasn’t casual at all, and you couldn’t even try to fake it. 

“Ehm, I’ll go get that fork for you Jazz,” you broke the silence, swiftly excusing yourself to go back to the catering table. 

Oscar couldn’t stop chuckling and Jasmine looked borderline offended, something she tended to do, a resting bitch-face of sorts. Lando felt like the stupidest, most socially inept person alive, mentally facepalming himself as he watched you leave. This was going to be a long day. 

Lando’s race however, was frustratingly short. 

You and Jasmine watched the race from the garage, surrounded by muddled mechanics, blinking monitors and loud noises. It really was a circus, a well-oiled machine, fascinating to watch. You’d forgotten how fun it could be. Also, how nerve-wracking it was to be standing next to Jasmine while her boyfriend — love of her life, light of her eye — was going 300 km/h, head to head with insanely competitive people, in big death traps. 

The early races of the 2023 season that you had managed to catch in person hadn’t been too impressive, from McLaren’s standpoint. Your humble opinion was that anyone who even sat in one of those cars was more courageous and impressive than you would ever manage to be. As the last season went on, you had learnt to trust the process, but both you and Jasmine would be lying if you said that 2024 didn’t look like an even better year for the brightly papaya-coloured team you were rooting for.  

With both drivers in good starting positions and Verstappen’s brakes catching fire on the third lap, Jasmine couldn’t contain her excitement, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet next to you. Ferrari’s in the lead and McLaren fighting for that glorious third spot. It wasn’t until Lando had a chance to pass Leclerc that the castle in the air came crumbling down. Ooh’s and aah’s filled the garage as you watched the scene unfold on a monitor.

“Oh, fuck,” you said under your breath, knowing that barely anyone would be able to hear you in the crowded space. “Is it over for him?”

Jasmine had been too busy squealing over Oscar going into third that she failed to realise that it was on the cost of Lando. That was until his car came rolling into the pit lane with irreparable damage from making contact with Leclerc. 

You’d seen it happen before, but that didn’t change the feeling. Your heart basically lodges itself in your throat, making you unable to breathe for a couple seconds. And then it was the aftermath… Seeing the driver leave their car, head hung low, just wanting to scream at the world in frustration but bottling it all up inside. 

Leclerc wouldn’t even get a penalty, it was just how racing worked sometimes. That didn’t change the feeling of complete utter failure for Lando. You could tell that as he, with assertive steps, made his way to his driver’s room, slamming the door shut so hard that it only flew back open again. 

“Bunny.” Jasmine grabbed your arm to get your attention, leaning closer so that you would hear her. “One of us has to go ask if he’s alright. He doesn’t have anyone here with him.” 

“Doesn’t he have an entire team to do that?” you wondered. 

Surely, they didn’t send these drivers out without having enough support from the team when something went wrong. Surely, you thought. The look on Jasmine’s face told you the opposite. The fact that no one was running after Lando to his room was also quite telling. Or maybe… they knew better than to disturb him. Maybe Jasmine was setting you up for failure by asking you to comfort someone who didn’t want to be comforted. 

“He’s gonna need someone who’s not obsessed with performance and profit. Trust me, the people on this team may be nice, but they are not human when it comes to things like this,” Jasmine explained, and you took her word for it. 

“Am I the best option?”

You didn’t know him. And you were awkward. But so was he… Yet, you couldn’t even get your little brother to stop crying by making him laugh or comforting him — let alone a grown man, like Lando. 

“Please,” she insisted, and you could tell that she was serious. There was no point in arguing with her. Seeing the rest of the race with Oscar battling to keep his podium position would be enough of a feat for her poor emotions. She wouldn’t be able to walk away from it. 

You weren’t even sure if you were allowed to walk back there, but there was also no one stopping you when you did it. Your steps were the opposite to Lando’s assertive ones as you made your way to his driver’s room. You had no idea what to expect when you reached the already open door… 

… but Lando, sat on his little bench, racing suit halfway off, lazily scrolling on his phone was not it. 

“I understand that I’m most definitely not the person you would want to talk to right now, but Jasmine said that you were here alone and I just wanted to ask if you’re okay,” you rambled out way too quickly. 

It got his attention, looking up from his phone, but he didn’t say a word. He was mostly shocked to see that you were the first person to come talk to him. He had expected Jasmine, or maybe someone from the team that he wouldn’t want to talk to anyway. But not you. You had no reason to even be nice to him after how weird he’d been. 

“Uhm, so this is me asking that,” you reminded him when his silence got too much for you. 

“I’m fine,” Lando sighed, dragging his fingers through his sweaty curls, getting flashbacks of what had happened all over again.

You could tell from the look on his face that he, in fact, was not fine.   

It was toxic and harmful, that his first instinct when something like this happened was to immediately check his phone to see what people were saying about it online. But he had done it anyway. And sure enough, there were people blaming him — calling him reckless and a whiny little kid, finally getting what he deserved. There were also people calling Leclerc out, but Lando somehow couldn’t focus on it.

Because the thing he saw most of when he was scrolling through twitter was your face. Maybe that was why he was even more surprised to see that it was you standing in the doorway to his room and not someone else.  

“Do you know that we’ve gone viral?” he asked you, referring to the phone in his hand. He couldn’t help but let out a little laugh under his breath. 

“No?” 

You looked confused as Lando scooted over to make space for you to sit down beside him. You didn’t have any social media, and Lando knew. He definitely hadn’t tried to look you up after your encounter earlier to see why on earth he hadn’t recognised you. It had gotten him nowhere. You had no accounts of your own and Jasmine hadn’t posted any photos of you. He had stopped himself before searching up old paddock photos. So, it wasn’t a surprise that you didn’t know about the video that was circulating around right now.

“Apparently, someone was filming when I said that I thought you had died. It’s quite a funny clip,” he clarified, tilting his phone to show you the screen. 

He watched as you looked at the clip, a gentle giggle leaving your mouth at how ridiculous it was. Your smile then turned into concern, seeing the amount of interactions the post had earned. 

“Is that not bad publicity for you?” 

“I don’t care about that,” Lando said honestly. “But I am truly sorry for saying that to you.” 

Thinking someone had died was a new low even for him, and saying it to your face was just unexplainable behaviour. Yet, he still couldn’t understand why he hadn’t recognised you. Sure, he knew that you had been sick and then… probably gotten well again? But did that change your appearance? Maybe he just hadn’t really looked at you before. 

“I can’t blame you, Lando — I probably looked dead the last time you saw me,” you laughed.

You couldn’t remember exactly when it was, sometime mid last season. Right before it got really bad, but while your condition was stable enough for you to go to races. Maybe it was Silverstone. You had a vague memory of seeing Lando on that podium. You knew that you had looked horrible either way. When you thought about it, maybe Lando had never seen you completely healthy. 

“There was something wrong with your lungs, right?” he asked, wondering if he was remembering things correctly. 

“Just the left one. I had spontaneous pneumothorax three times in a year,” you explained, earning a confused look from Lando before adding, “Collapsed lung, basically air was leaking from the lung out into my chest.” 

He raised his eyebrows as you spoke. You made it sound a lot more trivial than what he assumed it was. 

It happening one time wasn’t actually that uncommon. Apparently, lungs collapsed right, left, and centre. It was usually a quite easy fix as well, not even something that required surgery. But when it happened to you, that third time — it was obvious that the problem was much larger. There was multiple surgeries and constant checkups. There were ugly scars and never-ending breathing exercises. 

It was a lot, for anyone. Even worse for someone just about to graduate from their bachelor’s programme. Your life had fallen apart, to say the least, and it wasn’t something you gladly talked about, so making it sound trivial was your way of coping. If Lando realised that was another question. 

“And I’m sat here moping about a DNF,” he heard himself mumble before realising how insensitive that might’ve come across. “But you’re okay now?” 

“One final checkup left, practically as good as new,” you said, putting on a smile. “You do know that it’s not comparable though, right?” 

Lando didn’t understand at first, so you kept on speaking. 

“Me, having a life threatening medical condition — and you, having a bad day at work?” 

Maybe you were the one sounding insensitive now, knowing full well that his work wasn’t normal in any way, shape, or form. But that was the opposite of your intentions, so you kept on rambling to try and save yourself. 

“You’re allowed to be selfish and angry about something going wrong in your life without thinking about how other people might have it worse,” you added. “Because let’s be honest, someone is always going to be in a worse situation. That doesn’t take away from your right to feel things about what’s happening in your life.” 

What had happened with Leclerc was shitty as fuck and if you were Lando, you’d be crying, cursing everyone and their mothers that even had a slight connection to Ferrari. But you weren’t a professional race car driver. You were an emotional young woman. What you were trying to say was that Lando had a right to even be a fraction more emotional than what he was showing right now. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Lando answered simply after a moment of silence. 

He wasn’t used to people telling him he had a right to be emotional. He’d been told since he was a child by people in the industry that being a whiny little kid would get him nowhere. Maybe you had a point. Whatever he was doing now to deal with his emotions (which was ignoring them completely), obviously wasn’t working with how he was feeling inside. 

“You don’t have to say anything to me if you don’t want to, just allow yourself to feel, because even I can tell that you’re shutting yourself out and I don’t even know you.”

Your voice was soft as you spoke. Your accent reminded him of the people he grew up around. That was something he hadn’t realised before. He was starting to think that he had been completely self-absorbed all the other times he’d met you. You were almost… pretty, when you sat there next to him in ugly fluorescent lighting. Maybe it was the way you seemed to actually care that made his brain a little mushy. 

You were scared to cross a line with him by saying too much, so you decided to retreat. Standing up from the bench, creating more space between you, you took a stance in the doorway again. It felt like you couldn’t breathe in his tiny little room. 

“I should probably go back to see how Oscar is doing,” you said, signalling with your hand to the garage. 

Lando looked up at you with big eyes, nodding understandingly. You could almost visibly see how he was holding back from telling you that he was, in fact, not okay. 

You really had no business pushing him to say something to you. But, something inside of you was calling you a coward for not even giving it a try. For not even giving it a second chance, trying to make him feel better about himself. It all reminded you a little all too well of something that your mother always used to tell you. Fuck it.

“My mum taught me to always linger in doorways for a couple extra seconds before leaving someone,” you said, feeling heat rise to your cheeks at the mere thought of how stupid this was. “That’s usually when people get to thinking about things they haven’t had the courage to say yet, since you never know when you’re next going to see the person.” 

You were over-explaining it, pressing your nails into the soft skin of your palms as you got nervous. You were trying to say that you always resolved to leave people feeling better than they did before you talked to them. 

Lando cracked a small smile as he watched you stumble over your words. He had now decided that you were pretty, standing in the doorway, your gaze oscillating between him and the floor. 

“I’ll ask one more time and then I’ll go — Lando, are you okay?” 

“No,” he sighed. He couldn’t hide it. “But I will be.” 

“It’s never okay after something like that happens. I keep on blaming myself for things I have no power over, but that’s got to stop at some point, right? I have to learn at some point,” he continued, voice coming across as slightly defeated. 

You recognised his mentality, Oscar usually said something similar after experiencing a setback. You still didn’t understand how he wasn’t more visibly upset, yet you now knew that he was harbouring it all inside. It made you feel better that he had actually said it out lout — that he wasn’t fine. You also felt a little bit worse, getting the feeling that his self-deprecation was far more severe than you originally thought. He blamed himself without good reason. 

“I’m afraid I don’t know you well enough to say the right thing now, but for what it’s worth, I’m so impressed by you,” you admitted truthfully, hoping you weren’t showing pity. He was actually such an inspiration, such an idol. Even when he sat there, looking like he had run through hell and back, fighting his brain to not feel sorry for himself. 

“Have I done enough lingering to make my mother proud, you think?” you joked, tilting your head while you looked at him. 

“Yeah,” he smiled. “I’ll join you out there in a minute.” 

Oscar had secured his third position and his first home race podium. Getting to see him up on that podium, covered head to toe in champagne was so special to you. Even though you were Jasmine’s friend first, you had really grown to love Oscar during their years of dating. Although, Lando never managed to make his way to the celebrations, something that lingered in the back of your mind. 

You had tried so hard to get it right, to say the right thing — to make him feel better about himself. That was more than most people did. He was used to people sucking up to him, but this was different. This was honest. You had no reason to be nice to him. You had no reason to even give him your time of day. But you did it anyway. Lando didn’t even think to say thank you before you left. He should’ve, because you were right. He didn’t know the next time he would see you, hell with your track record you might actually be dead tomorrow, and it was a shame if you didn’t know that your words had helped. 

Lando wasn’t sure how long he stayed in his room, sitting on that uncomfortable little bench. Letting his thoughts get the best of him while simultaneously trying to think of what you’d said to him. That he should feel, that he should think this through. He was just hoping that what he was feeling was healing more than it was self-destructing. 

He stopped spiralling when Oscar came back to his room to change, just next to Lando’s. He was covered in champagne, exuding pure joy of getting a home race podium. While Lando was happy for his teammate, trying his best to give him a heartfelt congratulations, he also couldn’t stop thinking about how that trophy could’ve been his. The first one of the season. 

What Lando didn’t know was that Oscar was very much aware of all of this, having learnt how to read his teammate’s expressions quite well after spending so much time together. He knew that Lando took defeat harder, or at least he showed it more clearly than Oscar ever did. He also knew that he needed someone to… turn on the faucet for him, making him feel like it was okay to spew out feelings about how the race had gone, without judging him for what he might say. 

“Did Jasmine come check on you?” Oscar asked, leaning in the doorway to Lando’s room. 

Lando would never be able to look the same way at a person standing in a doorway without thinking about what you had said about lingering, staying for a couple extra seconds. 

“No, uhm, Bunny did,” he replied, feeling himself smile for some reason. He felt odd using your nickname, as he had no idea where it originated from. Yet, it was just so you.

“What was that look?” Oscar laughed. Lando’s smile wasn’t just a normal one. Oscar could almost guess what had happened, that was just the kind of person you were. 

“She’s different from when I last met her,” Lando explained, feeling heat rise to his face as he wondered just about how transparent his emotions actually were. “Oscar, she’s trouble.” 

“This is about to be hilarious, isn’t it?” 

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

Greater London, UK

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

Lando didn’t have to wait long to see you again. On a week without racing, he decided on a whim to stay in England for a couple of days longer than planned after debriefing at the MTC. It was someone’s birthday — a mechanic, an engineer — he really didn’t know, but a bunch of people from the team ended up in a pub, drinking to their hearts’ content. It was nice, but most of all, it was relaxing. It wasn’t Monaco, where everyone had their eyes on him as soon as he stepped outside. He could blend in better with the masses here. 

As could Oscar. Lando had never really seen Oscar drunk before. Apart from now. Putting him in a cab alone and sending him home wasn’t an option when the poor lad could barely stand on his own. That’s how Lando ended up in his and Jasmine’s shared flat. Even helping Oscar up the stairs had been a mission, especially since Lando wasn’t that sober either. It was alright, they were young and without responsibilities for the rest of that week at least. The team leaders didn’t even have to know…

“Bunny is in the guest room, but you can stay on the couch if you want,” he heard Jasmine say from the kitchen, getting Oscar a glass of water, as Lando had just watched her wrestle him to bed. Jasmine was a short woman, but when she set her mind to something, she could move mountains. Or, her boyfriend.

It took Lando’s inebriated brain a concerning amount of time to figure out that Bunny meant you. You were Bunny. And he liked you. Or he thought so. He liked the picture of you that he had built up in his head after your conversation in his driver’s room. 

He wasn’t sure what you were doing here. Maybe you and Jasmine had a girls’ night when Oscar was away. He didn’t actually know that much about you, even less so when his brain was compromised by alcohol. 

Lando thought he was being sneaky as he walked over to the guest room, where the door stood ajar, but the wooden floors creaked beneath his feet. He could spot your head of hair peeping out from under the sheets, shoulders covered by a papaya-coloured shirt that he assumed was originally Oscar’s. Your eyes were closed but you weren’t sleeping. 

“Lando, I can feel you staring,” you almost whispered, cracking a smile but still not opening your eyes.  

“M’sorry,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling ashamed.  

You reached out to turn on the lamp that stood on the nightstand. Lando watched as you sat up in bed to get a better view of him, looking amused as soon as you caught his gaze. “Drunk?” 

“A little.” 

“Did you two have fun?” 

“Yeah, I’ve never seen Oscar this drunk before,” Lando said, letting out a soft laugh. He’d been like Bambi on ice getting out of the cab and up the stairs. It was certainly a bonding experience between teammates. “Jasmine had to wrestle him to bed.” 

The shirt looked huge on you, it was too big to even be Oscar’s. That was a nicer thought, for Lando. As you sat up, the sheets pooled at your waist, with a bare leg sticking out on the side. For a second, it struck him that you probably had no trousers on. 

No, nope, look at her face Lando. 

Your face was bare. If he stared long enough he would probably start counting your birthmarks and imperfections. It almost looked freshly washed. Maybe you and Jasmine had done face masks. He didn’t really know what a girls’ night entailed. 

“Your hair is shorter.” 

Lando said it out loud the moment he realised it. His drunk brain didn’t let him keep anything in. 

“It was easier to manage while I was back at the hospital,” you explained, on instinct reaching up to touch it. 

“Fuck, right, the surgery!” 

Oscar had told him about it and Lando had somehow forgotten. He could blame the alcohol for now. You only having one checkup left and being practically as good as new had been too good to be true. 

“Uh, how did it go?” 

“Simple checkup turned into an emergency surgery and two weeks in a hospital bed.” You shrugged, as if you had told him what you had eaten for dinner, not showing any signs of how awful it had truly been. “But I survived.” 

Lando nodded. “That’s good, I guess. Scary, but good that you’re good.”

How many times could he use the word ’good’ in one sentence? 

The both of you turned silent after that, unsure of what to say next. You watched him as he stood in the doorway, his feet tentatively moving as his eyes flickered around the room. You started to smile as you realised what he was doing. 

“Is this you lingering in the doorway?”

“I think so,” Lando shyly admitted. “Is it working?” 

You chuckled, still smiling all sleepily at him like what he had said was funny, or special. It made Lando’s heart hurt and his cheeks burn. 

Truth be told, you could’ve used some lingering right now. You had talked to your father and to Jasmine of course, but you still felt like you had this pressure over your chest for things you hadn’t said. 

You could’ve told him about how you’d gone alone to the hospital because you’d thought it would be quick, but ended up getting prepped and rushed into surgery before anyone you knew even had time to make it there to be with you. There had been no one there to hold your hand. 

You could’ve told him about the scar on your chest that was now worse than ever before. It was larger, more red, and way more noticeable. You’d cried trying on shirts before going to dinner with Jasmine tonight, which you hadn’t had the heart to tell her about. You’d wanted to cancel the entire thing, before sucking it up and putting on a turtleneck. 

You could’ve talked about it for ages, knowing that maybe he would listen. But you didn’t. You couldn’t. Not right now. Not to him. 

“I think we should both go to sleep, Lando,” you said, yawning comically loud as you turned off the light before falling back on the mattress. 

Lando didn’t push you. Instead, he chuckled and said a soft goodnight. He knew he maybe should’ve pushed you to talk. He sensed that he could’ve done it. But it also didn’t feel like the right time. Not when he was drunk. Not when you were tired. 

His eyes longed on you for a couple extra seconds, you looked adorable with the sheets practically swallowing you whole. He then walked back into the kitchen where Jasmine was standing, putting wine glasses into a display cabinet. Maybe you weren’t entirely sober either. 

He took a seat at the kitchen island, slouching over as he rested his face in his hands. Jasmine smiled at him, tilting her head to the side as if to silently ask him if something was wrong. 

“Jasmine, has she always looked like that?” Lando said, unsure of what he was even asking.

“Bunny?” Jasmine questioned, leaning her elbows on the counter, scrunching her eyebrows in confusion. 

“She looks different from when I first met her.” 

Maybe you just weren’t sick anymore. Maybe Lando had just been a right idiot the other times he’d met you and not properly cared to look at you. Maybe you had been shy and he had been self-obsessed. Maybe it didn’t matter what had happened before. 

“Well, for a start, she has two working lungs now,” she argued, a laugh slipping out under her breath as if what she said was obvious. “Got the colour back in her skin and gained some healthy weight, I think.” 

Lando hummed in response. It made sense. You did look different. That was the only sane explanation as to why you were constantly on his mind. 

“Why did you ask?” 

She looked at him for an answer, her eyes staring him down, searching for eye contact that he wasn’t able to hold. He couldn’t help but turn to the side so that she wouldn’t see how pink his face was.

“Holy shit, you like her!” 

Jasmine let out a gasp as she realised, having to contain herself to not squeal and wake the entire building. Lando had nothing to say all of a sudden, his drunkenness not showing at all.  

“You’re not even going to deny it?” 

He quickly stood up to go to the bathroom, ignoring her question and hiding his dumbstruck smile. 

“Goodnight Jasmine.” 

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

As you looked at yourself in the mirror, you felt your hands grow sweaty against the stack of papers you held in them. The costume looked nice — almost too nice to be on your body. Beautiful, sparkly platform heels. Delicate lace and trims on the dress. The corset showed off a waist you didn’t know you had. It wasn’t you, so thank god you were acting like someone else. 

“Go on, Magenta. Say your next line,” Jasmine urged you from her spot on the bed in your childhood room. The old canopy and fairy lights that decorated your bed made her look ethereal in a way.  

There was something heartfelt, seeing your oldest friend in that room again, now a whole lot older than when the two of you would play with dolls on your floor. When you dropped out of university, you had to move back in with your dad and little brother. It hadn’t been awful, but not ideal either. 

Magenta was the character you were playing in your local theatre's production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. You’d been part of the crew at the little theatre for most of your life and now, when you had no classes to worry about and no summer job lined up for you — being part of a musical over the summer seemed like the perfect waste of time. You were going back to university in the autumn, so you felt like you had a chance to have some fun this summer. 

“…to sing and dance once more to your dark refrains. To take that step to the right...” 

Magenta was the opposite of you. She was bold, and sexy. She had a sultry voice and was dressed in a stereotypical maid costume. Showing off both legs and cleavage. It was a fun change, but a scary one too. 

“But it's the pelvic thrust… That really drives you insane?”

Jasmine couldn’t keep a straight face as she acted like your counterpart, starting to giggle like a schoolgirl, trying not to get told off by the teacher for laughing. The lines made no sense to her. 

“And our World will do The Time Warp again — Jazz, you’re not focusing!” you exclaimed, joining her laugher as you fell on the bed next to her, ruffling the huge amount of decorative pillows you had on there.   

“This was so much easier when you were doing Moulin Rouge, because then I at least understood the plot,” Jasmine scoffed as she looked over the manuscript, leaning into your shoulder as you both relaxed into the pile of pillows. 

“What do you meeean your character is a maid who is also an alien? Babe, why are they going to space?” she continued, gesticulating wildly with her hands at the pages. 

“It’s camp, Jazz. Or maybe just written by someone on acid,” you laughed. 

Rocky Horror was not the simplest of musicals to explain to someone who had never heard of it before. It was camp, and queer, and rock’n’roll. There were aliens, and virgins, and a man in golden underwear. It was a nightmare — and the most fun thing one could imagine. 

“Who have you invited for the opening night? I’m so sorry again that we can’t come,” Jasmine asked, turning over to lay on her back, staring up at the fairy lights. 

The premiere was only weeks away at this point, but you had known for awhile that Oscar and her were busy celebrating her parents wedding anniversary on the same exact date. She had kept on apologising and you had kept on telling her that is wasn’t that big of a deal. They could come on the second weekend, or the third, or any weekend during the entire summer. It didn’t matter to you.

“Don’t apologise,” you reassured her. “I haven’t invited anyone. Dad has to go with Matteo to his first ever football game.” 

Matteo was your little brother. He was the sweetest kid you knew, albeit biased. He was also the most anxious kid you knew, so you could already guess that performing well during his game would be important to him. Your father had to be there, even for your own sanity. 

“But you need someone there, cheering you on. This is a big deal!” 

It really wasn’t. You’d done it alone before. 

“Jazz, Matteo is 10. He needs dad there more than I do,” you remarked. 

“I didn’t just mean your dad. You need someone there in general, Bunny.” 

You really didn’t. You’d done a lot of things without someone holding your hand along the way. 

“Lando should be in England on that day, y’know, some MTC thing,” Jasmine hinted, her gaze catching yours. 

You thought you heard her wrong at first. She never talked about Lando casually. From what you had gathered, he and Oscar hadn’t even been that close up until the start of this season. Now, you knew that they hung out, but what did that have to do with you and your little musical? 

“Huh? That’s just absurd. He would hate it.” 

If you were allowed to be judgmental for a moment, you would assume that Lando had never seen a musical in his life. Let alone something as weird as Rocky Horror. You also didn’t understand at all why he should come watch you, on his own. That would honestly just make you feel like the joke was on you. 

“I think he likes you,” she commented plainly, as if it was clear as day and not at all something from her wildest imagination. 

She might as well have been speaking Greek. You did not understand Greek. 

“Why would he like me?” you squeaked, your eyes going wide.  

“You’re hot and funny, maybe a bit odd, but people like that. Why wouldn’t he like you?” 

“I’m sat here flipping pages of a manuscript, while he is flipping some model over in bed,” you expressed, throwing your copy of the script at her.  

Maybe that was harsh. You didn’t know Lando well enough to say something like that with confidence. But, you did know yourself well enough to say that you weren’t his type. 

“So, what? He could flip you over!”

You snorted in response, hiding your laugh. Jasmine was being ridiculous right now.  

“It’s like you lost all your confidence when you got sick,” she said, her voice suddenly softened. “Remember our trip to Malaga? That Bunny would’ve jumped on his dick without thinking twice.” 

It was crazy how she could make your trip to Malaga sound sentimental, or like an old memory of how you used to be. Malaga had been anything but orthodox. A group of teenage girls — too young to be drinking, making questionable decisions and racking up their body counts. 

“I guess I grew up, Jasmine. I also shouldn’t do something reckless with Oscar’s teammate.” You shrugged, standing up, ready to be over with this conversation and to start rehearsing again. 

“That is if he actually fancied me, which he does not,” you decided. 

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

Lando didn’t know what he was doing. When he sneakily asked Oscar if he was doing something after their meetings, he had really been thinking about you. In his mind, maybe they could’ve done something the four of them, so it wouldn’t be as obvious that it was you he wanted to see again. 

But Oscar had an anniversary dinner to go to with Jasmine. And you — you were in some off off-West End musical. He really had to get to know you better, because that was not something he would have ever imagined about you. 

Not that he was imagining you doing things… 

Oscar had told him to go. Lando had questioned his entire existence. 

Yet, he still somehow ended up outside of the small theatre on a Friday night. He wasn’t even sure if he was technically still in London, that’s how remote the little community he was in felt. Going out clubbing with Max was his plan B, if this turned out to be as ridiculous as it sounded. 

The Rocky Horror Picture Show — that was what the poster outside said. Nothing but a big pair of messily painted red lips were on it. He had no idea what he was in for and Google hadn’t been much help. It looked like a mixture of the story about Frankenstein’s monster and a drag queen show. 

He was early, arriving right in the middle of the final dress rehearsal. Something that Oscar had recommended he did, to not get recognised as much and to be able to leave swiftly if he turned out to absolutely hate it. Lando wondered how much of an avid musical-goer Oscar was, or maybe he had just gone to yours. 

The theatre was small, probably not more than a hundred seats. It was classic looking, with red velvet chairs and heavy curtains lining the stage. He slid into one of the seats at the very back, looking with anticipation at the stage. The room was maybe filled to one third with what he mostly assumed were the cast’s friends and family. 

The stage was decorated with delicately handmade props. It showed a grand hall with checkered flooring, a wooden staircase at the back. Multiple odd sculptures and a wonky replica of the Mona Lisa. All under bright red lighting. 

Lando didn’t even have time to take it all in before actors entered the stage. 

“Are you having a party?” said a girl in a baby pink dress and a comically blonde wig. Her voice was so high and brittle that it was almost annoying. 

“You’ve arrived on a rather special night. It’s one of the master’s affairs,” answered a man with a fake hunchback, his long white hair making him look nothing but creepy. 

“Oh, lucky him,” said the girl again. 

That’s when he heard a voice he recognised. A voice belonging to you. Sliding down the bannister of the stairs, you whipped an old-timey feather duster around.

“You're lucky. He's lucky. I'm lucky. We're all lucky!” you practically yelled as you made your way to the girl, who looked positively terrified by you. Her looser boyfriend (Lando assumed), who stood by her side looked even more frightened. 

It had been two minutes and Lando already rooted for the weird people — meaning you and the man with the hunchback. You were in what he would call a… slutty maid costume. Except it wasn’t slutty; it was more artful. What was he even thinking? 

Your wig was large and curly, the dark red colour of it suited you well. Your makeup was dramatic, and your entire costume was covered in silver sequins and glitter. You were not the nervous, out-of-her-element girl that he had seen in Australia a couple months ago. Right now, you were acting completely like someone else. And you were damn good at it. 

Much like he imagined a musical to be, the conversation immediately turned into song. The Time Warp, he had heard of that one before. The stage flooded with an ensemble of dancers, dressed in tuxedos. The plot of this musical was still something completely alien. Maybe it barely had a plot.

Lando couldn’t decide if he loved it or hated it. He felt like maybe that was the entire point of the show. Like it was supposed to be annoying, but also so colourful and odd that you couldn’t help but be amazed by it.  

Even with so much happening on stage, all he could focus on was you. You didn’t dance or sing like someone who’d injured her lungs not that long ago. You performed like you loved it, having a hard time hiding your smile even if your character was more of a moody type. 

Lando, too, found himself smiling. He was astonished by how such a small production still could archive basically perfection. The singing, the choreography — it was like watching something prerecorded. It had to be a passion project for all of you, because he wasn’t sure small theatre productions were the most lucrative thing. 

At the end of the number, the dance ended with everyone falling to the floor. That’s when it happened, when he for the first time in the performance, heard something that didn’t sound like perfection. No, that was the sound of someone in pain. 

His eyes tried to find you in the pile of bodies on the stage. 

You’d practiced it a million times. Falling over — gracefully that is — in high heels wasn’t the easiest of tasks. But never once before had it hurt like his. A stinging pain that never ended, so you couldn’t help but scream. It gathered everyone’s attention, quickly stopping the act and flicking on the normal lights. 

A broken ankle. Your broken ankle and your yelping voice. It hurt like hell.

You could see how the people around you started to panic, talking about a first aid kit and getting a stand-in ready to take your place. You couldn’t focus on anything but the pain, your eyes filled up with tears, clouding your vision. 

God, you would pass out if this pain didn’t stop. 

Lando watched it all unfold from his seat. Seeing you sat in the middle of the stage, clenching your hands over your foot, tears falling down your cheeks, taking your mascara with them. 

Ironically, something started to hurt inside of Lando, and he didn’t know how to react. Could he sneak out so you wouldn’t have known he was here? No, no. He was going to see if he could be of any help. That was the only right thing to do. In seconds, he had left his seat and started to march down to the stage. 

“Lando?”

Your voice was pathetic. Your tears clogged your throat and you felt ashamed, so fucking ashamed. 

You knew that Jasmine had talked to Oscar, and that Oscar had talked to Lando. But seeing him by the edge of the stage, a worried look on his face, wasn’t something you actually thought would happen. You did not understand why he would’ve wanted to come. 

“Is your foot okay? The fall looked pretty bad,” Lando said as he crouched down in front of you, looking more at your face than at your ankle so as not to scare you more than what was already inevitable.  

“You saw me fall? Oh fuck, why are you even here?” you groaned in pain. 

You didn’t mean for it to come across as rude — you just didn’t have much of a choice over your emotions right now. It was nice that he was there, so fucking nice. 

“Oscar told me to come — I mean, I wanted to come too,” he emphasised. 

Lando didn’t exactly know how to help you now that he had waltzed up on the stage like some knight in shining armour. He looked around to see a man in his mid-thirties come forward with a bright red first aid kit. He tried not to raise his eyebrows too much at the man — dressed in his costume, looking like if Elvis Presley had been in a motorcycle gang.  

The man tried not to look too much at Lando either — having known you most of your life and never once seen you bring a boy to the theatre. 

“Darling, that’s broken,” the man said as soon as he got a view of your ankle. 

Lando could’ve said the same thing. 

“No, it’s not Eddie. Just bruised I think,” you tried to tell yourself, and Eddie.  

Eddie, whose character in the musical coincidentally was also named Eddie, was your on-sight medic, working as a nurse when he was not busy acting and singing in his studded leather vest and greaser-like hairstyle. 

Bruising meant you could suffer through it. Broken meant spending the summer in a cast and missing every single one of your performances. That’s what you got for wanting to have a fun, selfish summer for once in your life. 

“Bunny, I don’t know how to tell you this in a nicer way — but it’s broken,” Eddie persisted, rummaging through the first aid kit for something to help with the pain. 

“B-but the show…” 

You said it quietly, but Lando heard. Your voice was heartbreaking. 

It showed how much this meant to you, and he realised now that you were probably embarrassed. He drew parallels to his own life and career, and how much a clumsy mistake could leave its marks for a long time forward. Even if this was only a hobby, it was still important. 

“I can wrap it up for you, but it won’t heal unless you go to a hospital,” he continued, not waiting for an answer before he began to gently move your foot. 

You whimpered in pain, biting down on your lower lip to not scream as it shifted. Grasping for just about anything to hold on to, you found Lando’s hand. You didn’t have time to think it through, but Lando had a lifetime. 

Your nails were painted black to match your costume, and your hand felt so small and cold in his own, yet you were strong as hell as you gripped his fingers in pain. He suffered through it, knowing that what you were feeling was a million times worse. 

Eddie wrapped your ankle in a tight bandage. Lando could tell that he’d done it before. Some girl had found a bag of frozen peas in the staffroom freezer, that he then strapped over it to ease the pain. By the look on your face, it did absolutely nothing. 

“I’ll drive you to A&E,” Lando offered without thinking twice. He could see Max some other time. 

Then it was the trouble of getting you down the stage and out of the building. Eddie throwing you over his shoulder could’ve maybe worked, but you had this thing called dignity. 

So, with one arm around Lando and the other one around Eddie, you hopped your way out of there on one foot, cursing Mother Earth herself every time you accidentally touched the ground with the injured one. 

“You’re supposed to go to a UTC with broken bones,” you pointed out when you remembered it, feeling the need to correct Lando.  

“You’ve broken a bone before?” Lando asked. 

Eddie didn’t have to ask because he already knew about your history with hospitals. 

“Twice. My wrist once from falling off a trampoline, and a finger from shutting a car door on it,” you explained. 

“You’re a walking emergency, aren’t you?” Lando said, like he was joking. 

It wasn’t really a joke to you anymore, though. 

“You don’t know the half of it,” you mumbled, thinking he wouldn’t hear you. 

But he did, and it got him thinking. 

You couldn’t help but laugh as you got out to the parking lot. In your periphery, you could see how Eddie’s jaw dropped. A bright orange McLaren was not what you had expected to see, but then again, you couldn’t have said what you expected instead. The man was a Formula 1 driver, for Christ's sake. 

Eddie kept his mouth shut, but the look he gave you said something along the lines of you have a lot to explain, young lady. You would have no idea how to explain how you ended up here, even if you wanted to tell him. 

“Lando…” you said to get his attention. “I don’t think I can get in this car without it hurting like hell.” 

“I borrowed it for the weekend. I didn’t think—” he stopped himself, unsure of how to continue. 

I didn’t think you would break a bone and I’d have to drive you? 

Yeah, no. He couldn’t say that. 

“I was about to tell you to just shove me in the backseat, but it doesn’t even have one,” you tried to joke, earning small smiles from both Lando and Eddie. 

Just as getting out of the building, slow and steady won the race. Only this time, you weren’t only cursing Mother Earth but Lando and Eddie too, blaming them for whenever your foot nudged something. You hoped they could take it lightheartedly because you weren’t angry or mad at them. You were angry at yourself. 

“You, young man — take care of our best performer, okay?” Eddie said to Lando as he shut the door on your side. 

You scoffed at his wording. He knew he didn’t need to take on the role as a protective older brother-like figure in your life, but you kind of liked it when he did. Lando probably met a lot of important and intimidating people with his choice of career, yet Eddie felt different. He had no actual influence, but he had a heart that cared for you. Lando couldn’t joke that away. 

“I will, sir.” 

The UTC was relatively calm for a Friday evening, so you didn’t have to wait long until you were rushed into a room to be assessed and treated. Nurse after nurse who saw your ankle said the same thing, get x-rays, evaluate, and hope it’s not surgical. 

Lando didn’t say much, only helping you explain what had happened when your pain made you unable to form coherent sentences. He stayed by your side, though. You had half-expected him to leave as soon as you got there, making up some excuse about being busy. 

But he never did. 

You even had to convince him to leave to get your bag that you had left in his car. He was unsure about leaving you alone the first couple of times you mentioned it. 

But you wanted to get your makeup off, and fix your hair which had been left a mess after you’d taken the wig off. You’d thought about that part, but the maid’s costume was still on your body. At least the nurses got a good laugh out of it — a barefoot, glittery maid with makeup smeared all over her face and a packet of peas strapped to her ankle. 

When you were rolled off to get x-rays taken, Lando finally agreed to go outside and get it. It wasn’t like he was allowed to go with you anyway. 

“Thank you,” you said as he handed you the bag. “The x-rays will take a while, but the doctor said it is most likely a simple fracture and I will only need a cast.” 

You immediately took out a makeup wipe and a comb. The braids you had on under the wig were starting to feel very stiff, giving you a headache. Or maybe you were just tense because of all the other pain you were feeling. 

“That’s good.” He nodded, taking a seat on the edge of the hospital bed. “Did they give you anything for the pain?” 

You giggled a little, rolling your eyes, overplaying how loopy you were. “Can you already tell?” 

“Just a little.” He pinched his fingers, showing just how little. “Do you want help with that?” 

“You don’t have to—” you tried to tell him, but his hands had already undone one of the hair ties, his fingers moving gently to separate the braided hair. 

He scooted behind you to reach better as you continued to take off the makeup, the wipe quickly turning a messy mixture of red and black with how much product was actually on your face. Stage makeup was no joke. His fingers through your hair sent shivers down your spine, but you tried not to think too much about it. He was just being nice. That’s all he’d been the entire evening. 

“You probably have better things to do on a Friday night,” you mumbled. 

Lando shook his head, and then he figured you couldn’t see it as he sat behind you. 

“I called Oscar when I went out. He said he would tell your parents.” 

“Parent. My mother’s not alive,” you whispered. “But that’s good, I guess. Did Oscar say anything else?” 

You didn’t give Lando any time to think or ask about what you had said. That was on purpose. He wouldn’t have known what to say anyway, with every possible sentence coming to mind feeling insensitive or way too pitiful. 

“No, not really,” Lando replied. 

That Oscar had made fun of him, for getting to play a knight in shining armour as you were a damsel in distress, was something he opted out of telling you. 

“He didn’t say that this was typical of me?” you muttered, rubbing your face in obvious distress. 

Lando was done undoing the braids so he could move to see your face again, seeing it streaky and glittery from you having wiped off the makeup without a mirror at hand. He reached for a clean wipe, his eyes silently asking you if it was okay if he helped. 

“I just… I can’t fucking believe it.” You exhaled from your nose as he wiped your undereyes clean from glitter.  

“It’s always like this,” you continued, showing frustration. “Whenever I’m about to accomplish something in life, I always get injured.”

“I don’t believe that—” 

You cut him off by explaining, “Well, I fucked up my lungs right as I was about to graduate.” 

“You didn’t fuck them up. Things like that just happen,” Lando interjected. 

“I lost my voice on the second show the last time I did a musical. Had to give up a leading role for one that was just dancing, no singing,” you counter-argued, proving that it wasn’t just some one-time thing. 

Lando looked at you, waiting to see if you could come up with more examples before he told you that it wasn’t fate that got you injured. They were coincidences. 

“My wrist was broken when I took my A-level exams, that was hell on earth,” you said, raising a finger of conviction. “Oh, and I had appendicitis on my 18th birthday. Jasmine still hates me for that one because I ruined a girl’s trip.” 

“Is there more?” he questioned, raising his eyebrows. 

You snorted out a laugh as another one came to mind. “I got a nosebleed when I lost my virginity. It didn’t stop bleeding for like three hours.” 

Lando pursed his lips to not laugh, but he couldn’t keep it in for long. “I’m sorry for laughing, but the picture in my head is really funny.” 

In hindsight, it was quite funny. At the time, however, it was the most embarrassing moment of your life. 

“I was going to say that probably everyone experiences these sort of setbacks, but… I don’t know anymore,” he tried to comfort. 

“I think I might just be cursed, Lando,” you huffed, locking eyes with him again.  

You both went quiet for a couple seconds as he took in your expression. A gaze so hollow, it didn’t matter that you were trying to hide it with a smile. The smile was blacked out anyway. 

He didn’t understand how you could talk to him and reassure him without making it sound like you were second-guessing things, or ever feeling unsure of what your words meant — but as soon as the subject was switched to regard yourself, you were suddenly cold. Or not really cold at all, but just not as warm as you were when you talked about other people. 

Your staring contest was interrupted by a young boy saying your name. A man came shortly after him into the small hospital room. Lando assumed it was your father and little brother, as he stood up from the bed to introduce himself. And to make some space between the two of you, since you were sitting suspiciously close together.  

The boy got shy as soon as he saw Lando. He looked a lot like you, with the same coloured hair and the same big doe eyes, only he was clad in a green football kit. Your father was wearing a matching one to show support. 

“Hi Matteo,” you called out as your brother walked past Lando to immediately get to you. He was like that — shy with people he didn’t know and anxious to talk to them. So you saved him, by talking to him as you saw Lando shake your father’s hand. That wasn’t awkward at all. 

“How did the game go?” you asked, ruffling his sweaty hair as you invited him to sit next to you on the bed. 

Matteo started talking, all excited about how they’d won and that he had gotten an assist. Pretty solid for a first game, he thought. You were mostly glad that he had a good time and that he seemed to get along well with the other boys on the team. He didn’t have it easy making friends because of his shyness. 

Lando overheard the conversation, taking notice of how you had asked him how it went and not if he had won. It was those little things that made you different, made the way you talked to people so much more worth it. You were so fucking lovely, and you seemed to have no idea about it.

Your father had recognised him, but Lando couldn’t tell if that was only because of Oscar or if he cared about racing. 

With your family there, Lando started to feel excessive. He couldn’t exactly argue his case for wanting to stay right there in front of you, and your father. He guessed it wasn’t too late to still catch up with Max, but a part of him almost didn’t want to do it. 

No, he had to leave. He couldn’t explain his reason out loud. 

As he said his goodbye, he met your eyes from his position in the doorway. He didn’t have much to say to you, or maybe he had so much to say that his brain couldn’t find what was most important. His shoes almost felt sticky against the sterile hospital flooring, something glueing him to the spot. 

“Will I see you at Silverstone?” Lando decided to ask before leaving. 

“Uh… maybe? I’ll have to talk to Oscar,” you said unsure, still sat in the bed with your arm around Matteo.  

“Can I come this time?” he whispered, looking up at you. 

You were shocked by his question. He’d never asked to come before. But it wasn’t really up to you if he could or not. It was always someone else getting you race passes, so you were in no position to be greedy. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll sort you out,” Lando hurried to say, seeing the uncertainty on your face.  

You let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you… for everything.” 

For showing up, for driving you, for staying. He’d done so much that he didn’t need to do. Maybe Jasmine was correct. Maybe he didn’t just see you as her friend that he had to be civil to. Or maybe, he’d been dealt really bad cards tonight and had no option but to comply. Otherwise, he would be seen as a complete dickhead. 

Lando nodded, pursing his lips into a smile, staying in the doorway for a moment too long, before finally walking away. You didn’t notice him doing it, but someone else certainly did. 

“Bunny…” your father said. 

“Mm?” you mumbled, perking up your ears.  

“Did that boy just linger in the doorway?” 

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

Silverstone, UK

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

“Are you avoiding me?” 

Lando’s voice shocked you as he came up from behind. You’d seen him around during the day but kept your distance. You were technically his guest today, only ever having been invited by Oscar before. But you would be lying if you said that premise had made you more liberal with how you interacted with Lando. You stayed with Oscar and Jasmine, and your father and Matteo, because that was what you knew. 

The paddock at Silverstone was a lot, even for you who had been to this rodeo before. Matteo and your dad, however, would fall asleep quickly tonight with how many new impressions they’d received today. You’d only managed to come on the Sunday, with you on crutches and Matteo being, well… Matteo. It was good enough of an experience anyway. 

“No, there’s just a lot of people here to see you. I didn’t want to be a bother,” you explained, nervously laughing.  

It was jam-packed with friends and family, sponsors, and celebrities. Every time he had a moment for himself, it could quickly turn into a meet-and-greet if he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Now, minutes before he had to make his way to the starting grid, it was finally sort of calm in the garage. You were standing in the viewing section, a papaya-coloured headset around your neck. 

Lando shook his head and sighed. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

You could not be a bother, even if you tried. 

“So, it wasn’t a make-a-wish thing after you saw me fall on my face and break my ankle?” 

“Would I’ve been your wish?” he asked, voice affected by laughter.

“No, sorry, I’d pick a broadway show over this any day,” you responded jokingly. 

“How’s your ankle anyway?” 

The cast and the crutches you were leaning on didn’t look too dramatic. It just looked like you had broken your ankle and were now dealing with it to the best of your ability. 

“It’s healing just fine,” you nodded, leaning to rest on one crutch to show Lando your palm. “The worst thing right now is the heat and the crutches giving me callouses.” 

As you reached out your hand, Lando couldn’t help but gently grab your fingers to take a closer look. He was practically holding your hand. Sure, you held his when Eddie was wrapping your foot, but you were in an immense amount of pain at the time. This was something different. The callouses weren’t even that bad. 

Why was he holding your hand? 

In the same moment you could overthink it, he let go.

“Have you been hopping around the paddock all day? You should’ve told me, I could’ve gotten you a golf cart or something,” Lando wondered, feeling kind of bad. 

He hadn’t thought about your broken ankle when he’d asked you to come. 

“It’s alright. Matteo’s been having a blast all day, so… thank you,” you shrugged. 

You could deal with being uncomfortable for a day if it meant that Matteo got a once-in-a-lifetime experience. 

His McLaren cap was signed, and he had ice cream in his belly. He’d even gotten a wave from Sir Lewis Hamilton himself, and if that wasn’t enough to make him school ground royalty for at least a week, you didn’t know what was. Maybe you took your big sister duty too seriously, but literally nothing could make you stop caring for that kid.  

“And your dad?” Lando asked. 

You looked over your shoulder to see what he was doing. With Matteo in front of him, practically hiding into his side, you could see him talking to someone and smiling. You understood that he was mostly doing this for you and Matteo, but there was some underlying fascination that middle-aged men had with fast cars that you knew he was trying to hide. 

“He appears to be smiling, that’s always positive.” 

“He’s talking to my dad,” he revealed. That wasn’t awkward at all. 

Lando hesitated, unsure of asking you what was on his mind, but soon enough, words were falling out of his mouth anyway. You seemed to have that effect on him. 

“I need to get ready, but can I see you afterwards? Maybe you can come back like you did in Melbourne.” 

You smiled, agreeing before adding, “I’ll watch you get on the podium first.” 

The race started with both Lando and Oscar in good positions, which probably led to a false sense of security. Your gut feeling was unsure of it all. 

Matteo held on to your hand during the entire start, you could tell that it was mixed emotions of excitement and anxiety. His headset was big on his little head, and he looked positively adorable as he tried to understand what was going on. 

“Lando is third right now,” you explained to him, pointing to a monitor. “And Oscar is fifth, you remember them, right?” 

Matteo nodded. “Lando broke your foot, and Oscar talks funny.” 

“I broke my own foot, but you’re right about Oscar,” you laughed. 

It was you that had to hold onto Matteo for a moment during the race when it really looked like both Oscar and Lando had a chance at winning. But after some godawful strategic calls, you realised that the podium wasn’t as secure as you thought. Hamilton was steady in the lead, and Verstappen was chasing Lando like there was no tomorrow.

You were so focused on the leaders that you didn’t even realise what was happening at the bottom of the grid. Pictures of two cars making contact flashed over the screens, and Matteo tensed up beside you. 

“What happened?” he worriedly asked, clinging to your arm. “Did they get hurt?” 

“No, no, it was just a little love tap,” you reassured him. They probably didn’t even have any damage — that was how minimal it was. “Like when I reversed into grandma’s postbox.”

“That was you?” your dad laughed. 

“Be quiet, I’m trying to watch the race,” you hushed him, eyes back on the leaderboard. 

Verstappen ended up catching Lando. P3 was the bittersweet consolation prize that Lando would have to act like he was happy about. Parade around the podium, covered in champagne, as if he wasn’t completely gutted inside. You could see on his face that he was acting happy as they celebrated. He wasn’t that good of an actor, if you were to be honest. 

If only they had put on different tyres for his last stint. 

Afterwards, you made your way back to his driver’s room — just as he’d asked. You could have overthought that question a million times, but you decided to just go for it. It was crowded with people, both staff and guests, rushing to congratulate him. Or maybe to comfort him. Your guess would be on the latter. 

At last, the hallway cleared, and you hopped to stand in the doorway, finally seeing him.

“P3, baby!” you joked cheerfully. 

Lando stared at you blankly, shaking his head as he snorted out a laugh. 

“Yeah, no, that was frustrating to watch. I can’t even imagine how you feel.” 

He had no words. Already having had to put on such a fake façade to everyone else he had met after the race. He didn’t want to do that to you. So, he ended up speechless.

“Should I leave you alone?” you whispered, breaking the silence. 

“No!” he hurried to say. “Uhm… please, sit.” 

With some struggle, you managed to sit next to him on the bench in his room. Much like Melbourne. It was, however, a lot more difficult to move in the little room while on crutches. 

He sighed as you sat down, helping you rest the crutches against the wall so they wouldn’t fall to the floor. His racing suit was halfway off and filled the room with a scent of champagne. You tried to look him in the eye, but ended up focusing on how his helmet had left red imprints on his cheeks — like a gorgeous mark of endurance. 

“I just… I don’t know what to say, or what to feel. It’s always so fucking close, and then I lose it.” Lando’s voice was stern and measured, his face blank. 

It was a forced expression, though. He could cry if his tear ducks would’ve allowed him to. Some mental barrier stopped him from doing it. He almost wanted to do it so that you would see his true emotions. 

Your heart broke a little, seeing him be so harsh on himself. Because, with your mentality, he had just done something miraculous. He’d done something mere mortals couldn’t accomplish. 

“I’m impressed you get out of that car alive every weekend, so I might be the wrong person to complain to,” you softly told him. 

Lando had heard those sorts of words before, how he was superhuman for even getting in the car. He’d felt the same way when he started, and maybe he’d lost that initial spark he used to have. 

Your words didn’t mean that you didn’t want him to complain. He should vent, to the people that it mattered to. Get it out of his system, so that he could be sensible in front of the media. 

It was funny how the sport worked that way. That he was somehow less happy in third, than Sargeant was in eleventh. That the people on the second and third steps of the podium were the biggest losers. And, they were expected to be robotic about it, otherwise, they would be deemed erratic and emotional. 

What was the crime in being emotional anyway? 

“I think you drove a perfect race,” you complimented him. “And then I think there were some strategic… mishaps that you’re not to blame for. Overall, this race was like the coolest one I’ve ever witnessed, and Oscar didn’t even get a podium. He’s my favourite driver!” 

You tried so hard to get him to laugh again, but he wouldn’t budge. He had to tell himself not to. It actually kind of annoyed him that Oscar was your favourite. He knew he didn’t know you well enough to be your favourite, yet. 

“I don’t get how you’re not proud of yourself,” you finally sighed, gesticulating with your hands as you spoke. “You have every right to be proud, annoyingly so.” 

Lando knew he had to let his guard down. That was the only way he would feel better about this. This wasn’t like Australia, when it hadn’t been his fault for the bad result. He’d still blamed himself, but let it go after a couple of hours. This time, a good result was somehow his fault. It was insane, the mental game he was playing with himself. And he couldn’t let this go without talking it through. 

“I’ll be that later, I just need to feel sorry for myself for a couple of hours first,” he scoffed.  

It was Silverstone, after all. He’d gotten a podium on home soil. That was an accomplishment to be proud of. Last year, he was over the moon over his Silverstone race, but maybe that was because the car hadn’t been that great. This time he had a great car, but was somehow a worse driver. It didn’t make any sense to him. 

His spiralling thoughts were stopped when he heard his phone continuously vibrate from the other side of the room, somewhere hidden under a pile of clothes. 

“Are people blowing up your phone with congratulations?” you asked amusingly. 

“No, it’s the PR team,” he said as he looked over his notifications, a confused look on his face. “We’ve gone viral again. It looks like I held your hand when you showed me the callouses from the crutches.” 

You did technically hold my hand, was what you wanted to say. You decided that staying quiet felt better. 

Lando regretted his wording as soon as he said it. He held your hand in a garage filled with cameras. He knew that. He was to blame for that. But was any harm done? 

“I don’t get how it’s always with you that it happens,” he mumbled nervously. 

He sat back down beside you, giving you a view of his phone screen. The photos were cute, if you were to be honest. But also blurry and obviously taken by someone who wanted to be sneaky. 

“Always? Meaning once before?” you questioned. 

That showed how little you were on social media. You didn’t know about anything other than the video from Melbourne. 

“No, there were also photos of me at the hospital when you broke your ankle,” Lando explained. 

The photos had been everywhere. He, and that orange car, at a hospital parking lot on a Friday evening. It was quite the headline for news outlets and gossip accounts. 

“Oh…” you said, visibly surprised. “I’m so sorry if it caused you problems to be seen with a girl in a slutty maid costume.”

For a second there, Lando could watch you go through the five stages of grief, all through your facial expressions. 

“You weren’t in the photos. It was just me and that… obnoxious car when I went back to get your bag,” he quickly added, calming your nerves. 

You nodded understandingly, feeling yourself get less tense. “Did you have to explain it to anyone?” 

“Thankfully not, I’m such a bad liar.” 

What would he need to lie about? 

Then you realised that someone like him probably couldn't just say that they drove a friend who had injured themselves. That would only lead to a million more questions. And, if he had said something — people would’ve been able to put two and two together as you showed up to the paddock with a cast and crutches. Maybe he was protecting you. 

You didn’t know what else to say to him now, meeting his bright eyes once again. They had this way of shining, even though he was sad. It was not an uncomfortable silence, but you were starting to wonder if you’d overstayed your welcome. 

Then Lando spoke again, his voice in a happier tone. “Has Jasmine mentioned Italy to you?” 

“Monza?”

“No, now before Hungary,” he replied. “Oscar and I have to represent McLaren at some charity auction, and I thought about inviting you as my plus one so that Jasmine doesn’t have to be alone if we have to work a lot.” 

The invitation was carefully phrased, and you recognised that. If you had been more sure about Jasmine’s ridiculous idea that Lando liked you, you would’ve made fun of him for dragging in Jasmine in his way of asking you to come with him. 

“Oh,” you mused. “I’d be a fool to say no, but there has to be other people that you’d rather go with.” 

Lando looked at you in confusion. 

“Like, don’t invite me just to do Jasmine a favour,” you continued.  

He finally broke into a smile, not being able to contain it anymore. You were clueless, and Lando found that hilarious. “It’s not like I hate your company, y’know?”

You chuckled. You hadn’t expected him to say something so direct. 

“Can I talk to Jazz about it first, before I decide?” 

Lando nodded softly. “Sure, I mean, the invite is yours anyway. If you don’t want to come, I’ll just go alone.”

You turned quiet again, looking him in the eyes as you took in what he’d said. The invitation was yours. He hadn’t ever thought of bringing someone else. Maybe he truly was doing Jasmine a favour. Maybe this was him sneakily making a move. He’d have to be a lot more upfront for you to catch on, though. 

A tension settled over the room, an eternity passing without anyone saying anything. The mood switched, and you both could tell. It was probably time for you to leave, yet the expectation to say that last little thing was there. The little thing that would leave him feeling better about himself. You wanted to linger in the doorway, or linger on the bench, you guessed. You wanted to say so much more. 

Oscar intruded by softly knocking on the already open door. 

“Oscar, hi!” you squeaked out of surprise, straightening your back to make space between you and Lando. 

“Your dad’s looking for you,” he explained, chuckling. 

“I guess I better go,” you said, standing up, finding balance with the help of your crutches. “You both should be proud of yourselves today, or every day for that matter.” 

Lando looked down at the floor as you left. He knew that whatever face Oscar put on or whatever sentence he formed, it would accuse Lando of being down bad for you. 

“Did you invite her to Italy?” 

“Yeah, she said she’ll talk to Jazz about it,” Lando mumbled, hiding his smile. 

You hadn’t immediately said yes, but that was almost his plan by dragging Jasmine into it. She wasn’t even supposed to come with them to Italy at first. But Lando wanted the four of them to do it together. It was a foolproof plan to get to spend some more time with you that wasn’t in a paddock nor in a hospital. 

“On another note,” Oscar said while he remembered it. “How the hell did you get her dad to come to a race?” 

“I don’t know… I just sent Bunny three passes?”  

“I’ve invited him to races since I was in F3 and he’s never once shown up,” Oscar began explaining. 

Lando scrunched his nose, unsure of where Oscar was going with his reasoning.  

“He’s a good man, funny even — but he does not like racing, at all,” he continued. 

Was Lando being stupid for not getting Oscar’s point? Lando couldn’t tell if he was being stupid. He probably was. 

Then, it finally clicked for Oscar. “You don’t know how her mum died, do you?” 

Lando could do nothing but slowly shake his head, his mouth slightly open out of confusion. He could tell that Oscar hesitated to tell him. Maybe he shouldn’t be telling your story, but he trusted Lando. 

“Alone, in a car crash. She died on impact. Bunny was 15 or so when it happened,” Oscar said gently, his face showing pity with a downturned smile. “Her dad has always told her not to come to races, in case someone crashes and it brings up bad memories for her.” 

Now, Lando was definitely being stupid, because it still didn’t click for him. It made him understand your mentality more — that you’d said you were impressed he got out of that car alive every weekend. Because you had, close up, lived through someone not making it out of a car — a car going nowhere near as fast. But what did that have to do with your father attending a race? 

“I think Bunny must’ve convinced him to come see you, specifically,” Oscar finally said. 

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

Lombardia, Italia

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

“I don’t even know what I’m doing here,” you sighed, looking from the balcony out to the beautiful garden. 

Fruit trees, pink oleander, and pungent lavender. Beautiful limestone houses. It looked picturesque, like something out of a movie. Yet, you were unsure if you belonged there. 

“You’re spending the weekend in an Italian villa. That is what you’re doing,” Jasmine insisted, wrapping her arm around your shoulder. 

The house was gorgeous. The area was gorgeous. Everything was just perfect. And you felt undeserving of it. You’d gotten to take off your cast just in time for the trip. This was your moment to be selfish this summer. 

So, why the hell did you keep on questioning yourself?

“You’d have no stories to tell from this summer if it wasn’t for this trip. You need things to talk about when you go back to university, otherwise, you’ll make no new friends,” she then pointed out.

You hadn’t even thought of that. All your other friends had graduated. You still had six months of classes left because of your stupid lungs. You didn’t want to make new friends. You wanted to keep your old ones. 

You crossed your arms, looking up at your best friend with a pout. “I’ll let you know that me and Jane Austen have had a riveting summer thus far in my dad’s hammock.”

Doing just about anything with a broken ankle was impossible, so reading in the garden it was. 

“While you travel the world and go to races, I will always entertain you with hilarious Goodreads reviews,” you added. 

Jasmine shook her head disapprovingly. “I really don’t need to know even more nasty things that you would do to Mr. Darcy.”

Deep down, you knew she got a giggle out of getting a notification on her phone with a five star review only saying Mr. Darcy could raw me and nothing more. 

“Isn’t this going to be awkward though? It’s like we’re double dating all weekend!” 

“Would that be so bad?” Jasmine laughed, thinking that it was probably Lando’s plan all along. 

You realised quite quickly that Lando hadn’t lied about them having to work. During the day, they were off to the manor house that was hosting the auction, doing lord knows what. It was something about cars being auctioned off and sucking up to millionaires. 

You didn’t understand why this type of event even existed. It felt like the 2011 classic Monte Carlo with Selena Gomez. That was at least your only experience with auctions for rich people. 

While this one was for charity, it still only felt like a way for these millionaires to seem humble. They would’ve bought the cars anyway, it was only for their own conscience that the charities even mattered. Maybe you were being harsh. 

You and Jasmine at least got to spend some quality time with each other in the villa. You ate a long breakfast, cycled down to the city centre to try odd flavours of gelato, and went into cute little boutiques to find her a pair of heels to wear with her gown for the auction. 

Your dress was black, and so were your heels. That was how fun you were going to be. 

Truth be told, it was a prom dress that you hadn’t gotten to wear because of covid, so maybe you were a little excited to get all dolled up tomorrow night. 

When the boys got home for the day, they decided you all should take the bikes to a nearby lake. You didn’t have much of a say, packing a basket with antipasti for dinner. It was unbearably hot even though the sun had started to settle, so maybe going for a swim wasn’t the worst thing. 

As the four of you swooshed down Italian country roads on rusty borrowed bikes, Lando and you ended up in front of Jasmine and Oscar, going much faster than they did. Everything wasn’t a race, but some things definitely were. 

Oscar cycled closer to his girlfriend, asking her a question he’d been dying to ask all day. “Do we tell them something about how they are both madly infatuated with each other or will they figure it out on their own?” 

“I tried to tell Bunny, but she wouldn’t believe me. It’s like she doesn’t understand that people still find her attractive after she got sick,” Jasmine said. 

She didn’t know if she should sigh or laugh at your behaviour recently. She understood that your life had changed completely, but falling in love, or even just dating, shouldn’t be something to be scared about. Not when you had a boy acting like a fool right in front of your eyes. 

“So, we let Lando try and awkwardly flirt with her by himself? And watch Bunny be clueless about it?” Oscar laughed

“He has to be upfront at some point, right?” she responded. 

They probably wouldn’t have to wait long until Lando would scream in your face that he liked you. He had no filter left when it came to you. 

The lake was small, surrounded by a pebble beach. The water looked almost artificially teal, like natural sources of water tended to do. You’d never been to Italy before, but it was quickly becoming one of your favourite destinations. It was idyllic in ways you couldn’t have dreamt of. 

You threw the bikes in the grass and put out your beach towels close to the water. Feeling the pebbles under your bare feet and the sweet smell of sunscreen, you and Jasmine started to pack up your picnic basket.

There were almost no other people there, only seeing a family with children taking an evening swim on the other side of the lake. 

After eating a little, the boys tested the water, groaning about how cold it was, yet somehow getting in anyway. You still didn’t know what they had done during the day, but with their lifestyles, you guessed they always needed to find ways to relax. 

Jasmine rested on her towel with her nose in a book, recognising it as one you had rated highly on Goodreads. See, you knew she loved your reviews. She mumbled something about how the protagonist reminded her of you when you asked her if she was enjoying it. You took that as a good sign. 

You went down to the waterside, only dipping your toes in before deciding that it was way too cold for you to want to swim in it. Instead, you crouched down to look at the rocks, all round and polished from the water, in pretty green and coral shades. You’d already gotten Matteo a local football shirt as a souvenir, but you could definitely fit some cool rocks in your suitcase as well. 

Lando, zoning out from whatever Oscar was talking about next to him in the still water, tried to secretly keep his eye on you. He could catch a glimpse of a bright red bikini underneath the long, sheer white shirt you had on. His fondness had grown so large that even watching you pick pebbles warmed his heart. Or maybe that was the bikini’s doing. 

Jasmine could watch it all happen through the darkness of her sunglasses, having lost focus from her book. She furrowed her brows with concern. “Bunny, aren’t you warm?” 

Your hand subconsciously traced the edge of the your shirt collar, a faint smile forming on your lips. “Yeah, but I’ll scare the children away if I show the scar on my chest,” you replied, your tone light yet tinged with an undercurrent of insecurity. 

“It’s not that bad,” she said, promising, her eyes meeting yours as she tipped down her shades. 

You laughed a little in disbelief. “You haven’t seen it since they reopened it.” You were talking so loud that the boys in the water definitely could hear you. “I also hate touching it, so I don’t want to put sunscreen on.” 

Jasmine remembered the first time she saw your scar, a jagged reminder of the surgery that had saved your life. A long red line, right on your sternum, that had faded over time. But she hadn’t seen the new scar, the one left by the recent, unexpected procedure. 

“Don’t be such a wimp,” Jasmine urged, getting up from the towel, a bottle of sunscreen in her hand. ��Get your shirt off and I’ll do it.” 

She knew you well enough to push you to do it. You would never get over this mental hurdle without people telling you that you looked fine. People had scars. That was the way life worked. 

You sighed, slowly fumbling with the shirt buttons as you tried to decipher Jasmine’s reaction. “See? It’s awful.” 

She shook her head, trying to keep a neutral face. It was worse than she thought, but she could never tell you that, because it hurt more than it helped. And it wasn’t like the scar tainted your entire being. You were still a gorgeous woman, in Baywatch-esque red bikini. That was an unstoppable combo.  

“It’s really not bad. It needs some more time to fade, that’s all,” Jasmine reassured you, having no problem with touching the uneven skin to apply sunscreen. 

You didn’t want to look at her hand as she did it, so you looked out over the lake, catching Lando’s surprisingly… odd gaze as he stood in the water next to Oscar. 

You hadn’t wanted to stare too much at him earlier, knowing that your head would get messed up if you saw him shirtless in swim shorts. But now, you couldn’t disregard the look on his face. 

“Lando, I saw that look. Just tell me that it’s bad,” you said, clearly still frustrated over the entire thing. 

Lando was shocked you were talking to him, struggling to find the words. 

“He’s staring at your tits, it’s totally different,” Oscar suddenly said, having kept quiet for too long. 

You almost didn’t know if you had heard him correctly, but Jasmine’s ringing laughter told you that it was true. Lando sternly said Oscar’s name before drenching him in water, a playful fight breaking out between the two of them, overshadowing what had just happened. 

That didn’t mean it left your mind, though. 

It was dark by the time you got back to the villa, stars hanging above you in the night sky. You knew it was the same sky as you had home in England, yet there was something much more magical about it this time. 

Jasmine and Oscar went to bed, but you had a few things to prepare for the auction. You wanted to paint your nails and do a face mask; maybe even get in an everything-shower to save time tomorrow. 

The night was still warm as you made your way out to the balcony in your nightgown, deciding that you might as well take advantage of the view while you painted your nails. The balcony felt like a secluded little sanctuary, bathed in a soft glow from the outdoor lighting and wafting in the breeze of the Italian countryside.  

Behind you, the glass door slid open with a soft creak, and you turned to see Lando stepping out onto the balcony, carrying what looked like a cup of tea. You’d thought he was asleep, the villa eerily quiet. 

He had an easy confidence about him — something you admired. Clad in a soft cotton t-shirt and sweatpants, the kind that looked threadbare and like the most comfortable fabric ever. His eyes silently asked you if it was okay for him to join you, and you nodded. He sat down across from you at the outdoor dining table. 

“Orange?” Lando asked softly, seeing the colour of the nail polish. 

“I thought it was papaya,” you joked, biting your tongue to not get it on your cuticles as you continued to paint. “I bought it for Silverstone but forgot to wear it.” 

Lando didn’t care. At least he told himself that he didn’t. You were just representing his team by carefully painting your nails orange. There was no need to get all mushy inside because of it. It wasn’t like it was permanent. Only a week or so of you thinking of him every time you saw your own hands. Maybe that was wishful thinking. Maybe you didn’t think of him. 

“I should’ve told you earlier, but you look great today,” he said like it was nothing, raising his cup to take a sip. 

He could tell that you were slightly baffled, a line forming between your eyebrows as you scrunched your nose in disbelief. “Scar and all?” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

Oscar had maybe been right about what Lando was looking at when you had asked him about the scar. They had overheard the entire conversation you had with Jasmine, so when he caught a glimpse of the scar, he had imagined something much worse. It truly wasn’t that bad. It at least didn’t steal his attention when you were standing in front of him in a bikini. 

For a moment, neither spoke, the silence filled only by the sounds of the night. Cicadas, a distant car, and birds chirping. Lights from neighbouring houses twinkled like scattered diamonds. 

“I don’t know if you wanted me to know, but Oscar told me about your mother,” Lando’s voice trembled, confessing it to you. His eyes searched your face for a reaction, a mixture of concern and vulnerability painted across his features.

You stared down at your painted nails, adding one last stroke before closing the bottle of polish. You were scared to look at him, unsure of how this conversation would play out. 

“It’s not really a secret, just a hard thing to tell people,” you replied softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

You somehow felt the warmth from Lando’s body even though there was a table’s length between you. His presence wasn’t uncomfortable to you, but the conversation certainly was. 

“Don’t pity me like I’m some motherless child. It’s really not that bad,” you continued, trying to keep your composure, the familiar ache in your chest making it hard to breathe. 

In moments like these, it was like you could feel your scar glowing, how the tight skin wanted to rip right open to help you take full breaths. 

A flicker of frustration crossed Lando’s face. 

He hated how you had said it — how you tried to downplay everything that had happened in your life. He understood that it was your way of coping, but your entire being basically screamed for the emotions to be let out. You were hypocritical, and he was tired. 

“It’s allowed to be bad. You were the one that told me that in Australia. You’re allowed to feel bad about things that are shit,” he insisted, his voice carrying a firmness that contrasted with the tenderness in his eyes.

His raw honesty sliced through your defenses. Your view of him blurred as tears filled your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. Clearing your throat, you calmed yourself down. 

Lando wasn’t actually frustrated with you. It was more at the circumstances. He didn’t want to push you, and you didn’t want to upset him. It was just a very difficult conversation to have. 

“Do you ever have nightmares about crashing?” you asked, whispering. 

“No, not really,” he admitted.

If he was thinking about what might go wrong all the time, he wouldn't be able to continue driving. Racing showed some people horrible fates of life. The abundant success that could be archived was harvested by others.

It was all about finding a balance, about showing respect for the thing they put themselves through, but also overcoming it by showing no fear. 

Maybe it was different for you, Lando thought. Maybe you had already given in to the fear, because you’d get no success out of it no matter how hard you tried. You couldn’t get your mum back anyway.  

You took a deep breath before confessing. “I do. All the time.” 

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

The early morning sun filtered through his bedroom windows as Lando got out of bed. He’d slept like a king. The countryside was so quiet compared to Monaco and the cities he raced in. He stretched as he drew back the curtains, getting a view of the garden, and you. 

The conversation you had yesterday had left the both of you unsatisfied. Yet, neither wanted to push the other to really get to the bottom of the problem, 

This morning, however, you were waltzing through the garden on bare feet, a big bowl in one hand and a small ladder in the other one. The summer dress you were wearing blew with the breeze. You looked free. And slightly out of your mind, climbing a ladder to reach the fruit trees, without anyone keeping an eye on you.

Not that you needed supervision, but climbing a ladder could be dangerous. That was what Lando told himself as he rushed outside. 

“Oh god, please don’t fall down,” he said, voice laced with concern as he almost ran through the garden to get to you, keeping his steady hands on the ladder. 

You glanced down at him, a teasing smile playing on your lips. “It’s a stepladder, Lando. I’m one metre above the ground,” you reassured him.  

“Still, you should be careful,” he insisted.  

“I’ll break your nose if you look up my dress,” you warned. You weren’t serious, but Lando felt his cheeks flush anyway. “Do you want one?” you asked, referring to the fruit you were picking. 

“What is it even?”  

“I thought peaches at first, but they’re not hairy. Not small enough to be apricots but maybe hard enough to be nectarines, so that would be my guess.” 

You examined the fruit as you stepped down from the ladder, tossing one in the air before catching it again and placing it in the bowl. 

“Are you sure you’re still talking about fruit?”  

“Oh, shut up,” you laughed, rolling your eyes at the innuendo. 

You picked up a nectarine and took a bite, the sweet juice dribbling down your chin. “I made breakfast, but I assume you’re on the same diet as Oscar?” you asked, voice muffled by the mouthful of fruit.

Lando stared at you in awe, taking way too long before nodding. 

“Well then, I guess you can watch me eat while you stick to oatmeal,” you replied playfully. 

As the sun rose above the horizon, casting a warm amber glow over the cosy balcony, you and Lando sat by the outdoor furniture, eating your breakfast. The air filled with a scent of fresh coffee and the sweet nectarines. You ate them with yoghurt and honey, and Lando was totally jealous. 

You didn’t say much to each other. It wasn’t really necessary. The world around you started to wake up, but on that little balcony, it felt like time had slowed down just for you two. 

Lando turned to you, curiosity in his eyes. “Why do people call you Bunny?” He’d wanted to ask you that for quite some time.  

“It’s quite a sad story, to be honest,” you began, swallowing what was left of your breakfast. 

He almost regretted his question immediately. He hadn’t even thought about how a cute nickname like yours could be from a sad memory. You watched as Lando’s expression softened, his eyes encouraging you to continue. 

“Matteo stayed a lot at our grandparent’s house after mum died, because… well, life happened,” you explained, your orange fingernails tracing the rim of your coffee mug. “Since he was so young, he hadn’t really understood the fact that I was his sister, so I instead became the girl he would visit from time to time who owned a pet bunny.” 

Lando leant his elbows on the table, captivated by your way of talking, his interest piqued. 

“And Bunny was easier for him to pronounce than my actual name,” you continued, a faint smile forming on your lips. 

“You had a bunny?”

“Yeah, his name was Taco,” you laughed, your smile growing more genuine. 

He chuckled softly at the name. You would name a pet Taco, that was just the kind of person you were. 

“Do you like having it as a nickname?” Lando inquired, his tone gentle again. 

“I don’t mind it,” you shook your head. “Matteo doesn’t say it anymore, but it’s… it’s different when other people say it.” 

It’s different when you say it, Lando. 

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

“You’re drooling, mate,” Oscar’s voice laughed from behind him as they got out of the cars. 

“I am not,” Lando protested, but Oscar only shook his head. 

He wasn’t fooling anyone as he watched you and Jasmine step out on the front porch, dressed to the nines, ready for the auction. 

Oscar and him had picked up the two cars that were being auctioned off while you got ready. It was important that they were seen driving the cars up to the manor house as they arrived, and you and Jasmine were supposed to be arm candy. It felt both below and above your worth. 

You laughed as you saw the cars, shiny and polished McLaren’s. You didn’t care enough to know the models, you just knew they were worth millions. 

Jasmine walked down to Oscar with ease in her high heels, a beautiful burnt orange satin gown on her body. You watched as he greeted her with a kiss, feeling both a sense of pride and also some loneliness in your stomach. 

Your feet already hurt from your own heels. Something wasn’t entirely right since you broke your ankle, but you would have to suffer through it. 

Lando walked up to the porch, casually keeping his hands in the pockets of his well-fitted black suit. The white shirt he had on underneath probably had one too many buttons undone. Not that you were complaining, it looked gorgeous in contrast with his tan skin. He looked gorgeous. 

You were dressed in all black, apart from your orange nail polish. Your gown with a perfectly poofy tulle skirt and a flattering balconette corset top. You looked delectable, and Lando had a hard time hiding that.  

“Don’t look at me like that,” you said seriously to him. 

“Like what?” Lando replied, feigning innocence as he took your hand to help you down the front porch stairs. 

Like you’re falling in love with me.

“Like this is some early 2000s rom-com and I’m the nerdy girl who’s just gotten a makeover by a more popular girl,” you replied, rolling your eyes but unable to suppress the smile tugging at your lips.

He gave a genuine laugh, the kind that could only bring a smile to your face. He wanted to respond with some cliché statement about how it was only fitting since you looked like a movie star, but he remained silent.

Lando helped you into the car like a real gentleman, while Oscar and Jasmine got into the other one. The drive was two minutes at most. 

“Did you have a dress like that lying around?” he asked, fastening his seatbelt. 

You nodded, moving your hands over your lap to smooth out the fabric. “It’s a prom dress that I never got to use because of covid.” 

A spark lit up in Lando’s eyes. “I never got to have a prom either, y’know.” 

A moment of silence passed between them, the weight of missed milestones hanging heavy in the air. You assumed it was because he hadn’t really gone to school like a normal kid, too busy with karting. Then, with a sudden burst of determination, Lando revved the engine. 

“Come on, let’s treat this night like prom.” 

The manor house was bigger than anything you’d ever seen before. You couldn’t grasp it — the multiple stories, the annex buildings, the beautiful and meticulous gardens. It was all too much for you. 

Lando pulled up to park the car next to the grand entrance, handing the keys to the valet before coming to open the door for you. You were met with camera flashes as soon as you stepped out. It wasn’t paparazzi, thank god — only photographers hired for the event.  

Lando didn’t dare to hold your hand in front of the cameras, this time. He settled with a hand on your lower back as you made your way inside after Jasmine and Oscar. 

The auction was held in a grand hall — no, a conservatory. It had a glass roof. It was filled with decorations, floral arrangements, and candle lights. A stage was built by the end of the room, which you assumed would be where they auctioned things off. 

It was also filled with people, dressed in sharp suits and colourful gowns. It looked photoshopped with how perfect it was. Not a thing out of place nor a person behaving oddly. Except for you, of course. You did not belong here. 

“What are they compensating for? Tiny cocks?” you whispered for only Jasmine to hear as you took in the room. This was bonkers. 

“The tiniest of cocks,” she snorted under her breath. 

Oscar and Lando did have to work — work the room that was, mingling and sucking up to people with big wallets. 

You and Jasmine made your way around as well, albeit much slower and with less intention. You talked to some people, drank some champagne, and eyed the canapés being served around. It didn’t look like anyone was eating, so you didn’t want to be the odd one out. You already were. So, now you were both odd and starving. 

You also eyed the objects up for auction. It was jewellery, cars, and destination vacations in places you’d never heard of. All in favour of some charity that was hardly mentioned once. Was this just a rich person shopping spree without the guilt of overconsumption? 

Lando kept looking across the room for you, his eyes always seeming to find you within seconds. And you found him to, sharing smiles or joking faces, saying get me out of here. 

It wasn’t possessive — it was more of a secret bond that existed right there in time and space, going unnoticed by everyone but the two of you. 

The bond was broken when a man approached you. Lando didn’t recognise him, but he already despised him. He was flirting with you; that would be obvious to anyone but you. You didn’t necessarily look uncomfortable. It seemed more like you found the conversation he tried to have with you pointless. 

You were so oblivious to the impact you had on men, or maybe on all people in general. It made him want to set himself on fire. The itchy feeling inside of him, telling him to scream for everyone in the room to hear — that you were the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. And that you should be talking to him, and only him. Not some suave-looking asshole in an ill-fitting suit. God, you made him stupid. More stupid than normal. 

As Lando’s thoughts spiralled, you somehow got out of the conversation, swiftly making your way across the room and out of a door that he thought led to the garden. Or one of the gardens. This place was huge. 

He had things to do inside, people to talk to — but for a moment, he came to his senses and said fuck it. He needed to know if you were alright. 

His assumption that the door led to a garden was correct. The evening light cast a silvery glow over it, a tranquil contrast to the busy ballroom. From a distance, he saw you take a seat in an old stone gazebo, covered with ivy. You bent down to unclasp your heels. 

Lord, was he about to risk it all. 

His steps over the gravel path made you hear him, and he couldn’t help but feel busted. 

“Mind if I sit down?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. 

You shook your head, gesturing with your hand to the space beside you. He sat down, shyly looking at his hands in his lap. On the bench, he saw what he thought was the reason you had come out here, besides that man talking to you. Dessert. Two of them in little ramekins, but only one spoon. 

Lando breathed in the silence before hastily asking you what had been on his mind.

“Who was the man you were talking to?”

“Some stuck up think-tank-bitcoin-billionaire,” you huffed. “He asked me if my company was up for auction.” 

It wasn’t company as in a business. It was company as in your time of day. Or time of night more likely. He was asking to spend the night with you. Would audibly gagging be too improper of a reaction? Lando had to fight himself to not do it. 

“What was your answer?” he wondered, trying to keep his cool. 

Your lips turned into a smug smile. “That it’s free for people who deserve it, and then I walked away.” 

Lando chuckled, liking the fact that you showed a sense of pride with your actions. “Do I deserve your company?” 

“Haven’t asked you to leave yet, that should tell you something,” you mumbled, shrugging your shoulders.  

Lando nodded, scrunching his nose, a pink tint on his cheeks forming from the crisp air.

No, he was blushing. It wasn’t even cold outside. 

“Have you had fun otherwise?” He cleared his throat, making the conversation about something else. 

“I don’t know. I feel like a fraud, like I don’t belong,” you shrugged, fingers nervously fidgeting with the hem of your dress. “I think I might have convinced multiple people in there that I’m a communist, just because I was raised with a working-class perspective on things.” 

Lando suppressed his laughter for it to not be too loud. You saw his eyes crinkle at the corners.  

“This entire thing just feels performative to me,” you added. 

“Oh, it totally is,” he agreed. 

You glanced back at the manor, hearing the sound of voices in the distance. Your face reflected a mixture of amazement and discomfort. “And don’t get me started on the way people look,” you began again. “My mascara smudged and my dress got wrinkled the minute I stepped into that humid room, yet everyone else continues to look flawless.” 

Lando thought about interrupting you, saying that you still looked flawless to him. Or maybe you didn’t, and that was the best part. He understood your point fully, though. 

You shook your head as you continued, a bitter sigh escaping your lips. “And I can’t walk in heels since I broke my ankle, and my dress shows my scar, and I’m just… being a miserable little twat.”  

You dropped your shoulders, looking down at your bare feet as your heels were on the ground next to them. It hadn’t even crossed Lando’s mind, the shoes nor the scar, but it made sense that you didn’t feel confident about it. That he thought you should be confident wouldn’t exactly change your mind. 

“Oh! And they don’t eat,” you hastily pointed out. “They just hold the food and look pretty.” 

That was definitely true. He knew that you couldn’t eat yourself full at functions like this. His own empty stomach was a testament to that. 

“Is that why you came out here with two desserts and one spoon?” he questioned, containing his laughter to not come across as judgmental. 

You giggled. “Have you seen Amélie?” 

Lando shook his head no. 

“It’s a movie. It doesn’t really matter, but one of the main character’s favourite things in life is cracking the sugar on a crème brûlée, and I… think I agree with that,” you explained, grabbing one of the ramekins and carefully smashing the caramelised surface.  

It made a slight sound. Your eyes lit up as you looked at it. “See? Did you hear that?” 

He couldn’t help but grin at your reaction. 

“Try the other one,” you urged, handing him the spoon.  

He had tried crème brûlée before but never in this way. Never with someone telling him about how it was the best thing in life. As he cracked the sugar, he laughed so hard he felt his chest vibrate. 

He knew he couldn’t eat the dessert because of his diet, but seeing you take a spoonful was almost satisfactory enough. 

“Your mind is so… special,” he smiled in disbelief. He didn’t know what he was saying anymore, he just knew he needed you to hear it. “I don’t get how the universe could’ve created you.” 

Your smile faded as your laughter turned quiet. “Is that a compliment?” 

“In the highest form, Bunny,” Lando insisted. 

He didn’t know how to read your reaction, your sudden silence was a shock for him. Had he ruined a perfect moment by saying too much? That’s when he saw it, the tears pooling in your waterline as you fought with yourself to not let them fall. 

Lando was a soft mess in seconds. “A-are you crying because I complimented you?” 

“I’m sorry,” you said, trying to laugh but your voice came out hoarse. 

“Don’t cry, it’s alright,” Lando said softly, reaching out to wipe the tears away from your face, gently cupping your cheek with his palm.

He crossed a line as he did, moving closer to you than ever before. 

You knew where this was going, and you weren’t prepared for it at all.

“I just…” You were full on crying now. “I have no idea who I am, and this environment really showed me that.” 

Your lack of confidence broke his heart. Things had really piled up on top of each other to now finally get to you. A stupid auction being your downfall, the thing that made you realise how much your life had put you through. 

“I can’t get a degree, I can’t do musicals, and I definitely cannot fit in here. I have no way of being the girl that you want me to be, Lando,” you sobbed, your breathing picking up as your hands gesticulated out of pure panic. 

Your words hung heavy over the garden, suffocatingly, as you honestly believed them to be painfully true.

“Hey… don’t say that,” Lando tried to comfort, grabbing ahold of your hands to stop you moving, centering your focus. “You have no idea what I want from you.”  

“I want to hear you laugh at my stupid jokes. I want to feel your painted nails when you hold my hand. I want to see you get all giddy over a crème brûlée,” he listed things as they came to mind.

The warmth from his hands surrounded you as you let yourself relax, exhaling loudly. 

“I want you to linger in every possible goddamned doorway you can find,” Lando continued, looking you deeply in the eyes. “That’s all. Nothing more.” 

You were so close that he could see how colours reflected in your eyes. He liked you in ways he didn’t know was possible — for the little things that he’d never thought about before with other people. He couldn’t think clearly anymore. He didn’t want to think clearly. Lando hesitated, his eyes searching yours, as if seeking permission. 

You knew where this was going, and you weren’t prepared for it at all.

He scanned your face, his gaze finally landing on your lips. You were waiting for him to move, for him to lean in, because you were too scared to do it yourself. But you wanted him to do it. You wanted it more than anything else. 

But all of a sudden, the lust in his expression turned into concern, and you felt something wet drip down on your upper lip. Blood. 

“Oh, fuck.” Your hands flew to your face, trying to stop the blood from dripping further.

Of course this would happen now. You were cursed, after all. What were you thinking? A pretty boy could not just kiss you. The universe had decided that happiness wasn’t for you. 

“Let me help—” Lando said, trying to get a hold of you to stay still, but you had already stood up. 

You moved to pick up your shoes, and Lando sat frozen in his spot. “I’m gonna walk back to the villa, you stay and do your rich person duties,” your voice cracked as you said it, taking a step back to avoid his proximity. You had panic written all over your face and blood on your hands. 

Lando’s emotions finally caught up with him as he too stood up to try and stop you. “Bunny, please! Don’t go, let’s talk about this,” he pleaded, hearing how pathetic he sounded. But he felt like he had no choice. 

You recoiled further away from him, your eyes glistening with tears as you started to walk, your bare feet over gravel, heels swinging from your hands. 

He couldn’t understand — how you’d gone from laughing about crème brûlées, to crying, to almost kissing each other, and then to you getting a nosebleed. He also couldn’t understand how he had let you get away. Fuck, was he stupid. 

His thoughts got interrupted by the sound of someone running on the gravel. He met Jasmine’s worried eyes, contemplating if she should just murder Lando now. 

“Did she just leave? What did you do?” 

Lando could only shake his head, running a hand through his hair, the gesture portraying his inner turmoil. “I didn’t do anything…” he muttered, sighing loudly. “I was about to kiss her, and then she got a nosebleed all of a sudden.” 

Oscar came walking after Jasmine, just close enough to hear what Lando said. “That’s so typical of her,” he breathed out, baffled at how you always managed to almost comically mess things up.

Jasmine rubbed her temples. “Are the two of you actually fucking stupid?” she questioned angrily before yelling, “Lando, don’t just stand there. Go after her!” 

“To do what? Get rejected again?” he gesticulated with his hands in defeat, feeling his voice crack. His own tears had started to form. 

Jasmine looked back at him like he was stupid. Lando was stupid. That was a fact he now knew.  

“To clean up the blood and then actually fucking kiss her — because she did not reject you, she’s just scared!” Jasmine shot back, an intensity in her eyes that made Lando listen. “All she knows is fear, and falling in love with you hasn’t exactly helped with that.” 

He was stuck, his feet glued to the floor, the weight of Jasmine’s words hit him like a punch in the stomach. Falling in love — that was what the two of you were doing. Lando had been too blinded by his own infatuation to realise that you were scared of it — scared of that stability because your life hadn’t been stable for years. You truly believed yourself to be cursed. 

Fuck, was he stupid. He needed to fix this, and that was quick.

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

He left the auction, Oscar assuring him that he could handle the rest of the night alone. The villa was quiet when Lando returned. He didn’t know what he should say when he saw you. He didn’t even know what kind of mood you’d be in. 

For a moment, he stopped in the hallway with all the bedrooms. Your door was open, a faint yellow light seeping through. He heard you moving around, the tap running in your en suite bathroom. That made him dare to move, to stand in your doorway. 

Your room was a bit messy from earlier when you were getting ready, your suitcase basically turned inside out. Your dress was tossed on the floor, next to your heels. A small red stain could be seen on the beige soles. 

Suddenly, you exited the bathroom. Your face was washed clean from makeup and blood, and you were wearing an oversized sleep shirt, reaching your mid-thigh. 

You stopped abruptly when you saw him, first shocked, then annoyed. He had no right to use your own methods against you, even though you knew he was right. Whatever he’d said to you, he would be right. 

“Now is not the time to be lingering in some fucking doorway, Norris,” you snapped, more to mask your own panic than anything else. 

You walked up to the door with determined steps, your fingers hovering over the doorknob. Your breath came in shallow, uneven gasps as you clenched your fists, nails biting into your palms.

“I’m not letting you close that door, Bunny,” he said softly, but with an edge of determination, placing his hand on the door so it couldn’t move. 

“I don’t want to hear what you have to say,” you insisted, shaking your head as if to physically ward off his words.

Lando’s eyes softened, the frustration melting away to reveal an expression of raw sincerity. “Doesn’t that defy the point? Your mother’s entire idea with teaching you to linger?” 

“Don’t,” you whispered. He had no right to bring up your mother. 

“We might be dead tomorrow, but you won’t hear me out?” 

“Don’t say that,” you pleaded through gritted teeth, tightly closing your eyes to even bear with your emotions. 

“Why won’t you let me tell you that I like you?” 

He dropped the bomb. He had no option but to confess it to you. It was the scariest thing he’d ever done, yet when it was out there in the open, a weight was off his shoulders. This was meant to go this way. 

You opened your eyes. “Because I’ll screw this up like I always do!” you choked out, voice thick with unshed tears. “I got a nosebleed when you tried to kiss me. I told you — it’s like I’m fucking cursed!”

“Something always gets in the way of me and good things,” you continued. 

“I’m a good thing?” he whispered, but it almost echoed in the quiet room.

“That’s what you got from that?” you cried, looking up at him through wet eyelashes. “You don’t understand. Everything good that comes into my life, I mess up. I can’t even be normal around you because I’m so afraid of ruining it!”

“Because that’s the only thing that matters — that we like each other, that our feelings are mutual,” Lando explained like it was simple. “You’re not cursed. You’re just human. And so am I. We’re allowed to mess up, to be scared, to get nosebleeds at the worst possible moments.”

He took your hand, basically shaking as he held it. You didn’t move away. You let him hold you. You let him closer. 

“Or… if you are cursed, then I’ll start carrying a first aid kit,” Lando continued with a small smile, moving his free hand to wipe your cheek clean from tears. 

You let out a surprised snort, the sound mingling with your sobs. It was a ridiculous notion, yet somehow, it made perfect sense.

“Can I try kissing you again?” he softly wondered, a semblance of hope in his voice.

Lando watched as you started to smile at the question, nodding slowly. “Please, kiss me.”  

He brought both his hands up to your cheeks, your eyes intensely locking for a moment before he softly leant closer, his lips meeting yours in a featherlight connection.

The kiss was sweet. Softer than what you would’ve expected. It was also quite telling of all the emotions that you both harboured inside, finally being set free. 

Lando kissed you like it was important, like his life depended on you knowing how much it meant to him — like the two of you would never need another form of communication to tell each other things. This was for you to know that calling yourself cursed was just stupid. You were scared, that’s all. But you didn’t have to be scared anymore. 

He was the one to break the kiss, his breath hot against your face as he grinned. “See? Not cursed.” 

That was enough to get you laughing, turning your head down to lean against his chest as you let out a pathetic giggle. No blood, no broken bones, no compromised breathing. Okay, maybe your breathing was a little off, but that was to be expected after kissing someone. 

For a long, hazy moment, the two of you simply stared into each other’s eyes. How you ended up on the bed passed in a blur, the only thing your mind could focus on was Lando’s hands on your body. His lips back on yours. 

The kissing quickly grew fevered and devoted, his tongue exploring your mouth, neck, and chest as you melted against him and the soft mattress, your fingers clutching around him. He took away all of your thoughts, every lingering worry or doubt completely removed. Insecurities too, gone with the wind. 

He was breathless when he stopped for a moment to catch his breath. You fiddled with your fingers to undo the buttons on his shirt, revealing a landscape of freckled tan skin before your eyes. His palms moved over your hips, up your waist, cupping the underside of your breasts through the thin cotton of your t-shirt. 

As he moved to take off your shirt, you froze. Lando stopped in his tracks, waiting for you to say something. 

“The scar,” you said. “It makes me feel… weak, and I don’t want you to treat me like I’m weak.” 

Weak was the last word Lando would use to describe you. But he also understood. 

“I don’t have to see it. It’s alright like this if that’s what makes you comfortable,” he explained softly. 

You nodded, deciding on keeping your shirt on as you watched Lando remove his own. He was perfect, and you were you. Maybe that was enough. 

Lando caged you beneath him again, crawling over you, leaving sloppy kisses on your face, arms, and over the fabric of your shirt. The kisses ended with him biting your lower lip as his hands found home in a tight grip on your hips, the lace edge of your underwear tickling his palms. 

“Can I go down on you?” he whispered. His eyes looked for permission to continue, and you nodded, messily kissing him back.

He lowered back down your body again, his strong hands absentmindedly massaging the plush skin of your thighs, before finding the waistband of your panties, pulling them off you in a slow motion. He nestled between your legs, not breaking eye contact. 

You almost felt cold by being naked, even though the room was delightfully warm. You wanted to cringe at what his sight of you must be like, but he didn’t give you a chance to do so, a string of praise words falling from his mouth. 

As each word was said, he spread your wetness through your folds with a feathery movement of his fingers. Lando brushed your clit with a light touch, taking in your reaction before dipping his fingers into the pooling wetness.

“P-please, Lando, oh fuck—” Your voice was wrecked as you grew desperate for more. 

He grinned at your words as his face met your heat, leaving kisses around it before finally touching the part where you needed him the most. “So pretty,” he mumbled against you, kissing your clit. That made your brain short circuit. 

You reached down to push the curls of his forehead as he delved in, softly bringing you pleasure. Sucking on your clit with intention while his fingers curled deeper into you, his free hand gripping at your thigh, certain to leave crescent-shaped imprints from his fingernails as your soft skin spilled out between his fingers.

You truly did look pretty, though — through Lando’s eyes. With the evening glow of the sun shining through the windows and the white linen bedding surrounding your body, you looked angelic. As your shirt rode up, your stomach was revealed. He loved seeing your skin. Nipples pebbled through the t-shirt, hair dishevelled, skin gleaming from a thin layer of sweat. You made him painfully hard by just lying there, letting him taste you. 

“I’m—” You couldn’t get the words out, voice choking on your own moans, but Lando knew to increase the intensity. 

You were a fucking mess when you finished, letting that hazy feeling completely take over, whimpering his name out like it was the sweetest thing. He kept on babying your clit with the tip of his tongue until you tugged at his hair, lifting his face. He could’ve gone on forever if you’d let him. 

“Come up here,” you urged him, your voice shaky. You watched him lick his glossy lips, running a hand up your body in a soothing manner before collapsing next to you. 

“You should see how breathtaking you look right now,” he exhaled, looking at you with your face flushed and your eyes glossed over. You stared at him so deeply, catching your breath, as you realised you couldn’t decide what eye colour he had. They shifted from green, to blue, to brown. Fuck, you were spent. 

You thought for a while, and Lando could see it on your face, a mischievous grin forming on your lips before your hands moved down his stomach, stopping by his belt buckle. He let you undo it, your bottom lip nestled between your teeth as you teasingly looked up at him.

Already worked up from before, he moaned as you started to palm him over his trousers.

“I’m not gonna last if you do that,” Lando gasped, holding your hand still with a tight grip around your wrist. 

“Take them off, then,” you simply answered, earning a laugh. 

He couldn’t say no to that, moving awkwardly to get both trousers and underwear off as quickly as possible. He then settled closer to you, having you basically wrap your legs around him, clinging like a koala. You shared a look between each other, making sure that this was okay. It was so much more than okay. This felt necessary, like you were meant to do it. 

“I’m on the pill, so this is fine by me,” you explained to him, a tremble in your voice by having him so close to you. 

He kissed you before he did anything else, settling your nerves. Feeling your bodies mould together, creating a common heat. He glided himself through your folds, touching your already stimulated clit. As an act of desperation, you moved your hips lower, grinding against him. 

“You okay?” he chuckled. 

You hummed against the skin on his shoulder, playfully nibbling as you kissed him all over. His eyes met yours as he pushed into you, waiting patiently to see your reaction to the light stretch. You nodded, your breath hitching as he began moving more purposefully. 

The slow drags set of sparks of pleasure within you, so intense your eyes rolled back. You weren’t sure what kind of noises left your body, uncontrollable with the pleasure. Hearing Lando moan deeply into your ears made you feel less unsure.  

Completely intoxicated, you tried your best to take it all in. You focused on the golden shimmer in his eyes, the scattered freckles on his face, and the scar on his nose. It was so warm, and wet, feeling him thrust inside of you. You didn’t know what to do with your hands again, just desperately spreading them over his back to his shoulders. Your sharp nails were destined to leave claw marks. 

“Faster, baby,” you breathed out, ready for more. 

You felt Lando grin against your cheek as he heard the pet name. It had completely slipped out on accident, but that didn’t mean it drove him any less crazy. You felt him grip your body harder as he fucked up into you.

“Doing so well for me,” he moaned out your name. “C’mon, Bunny, let me see how pretty you are when you come again.”  

A litany of moans filled the room, from the both of you. That, along with the sounds of your bodies crashing together, made you fucking delirious. You were close, so close. You wanted to feel that feeling again, of him bringing you to the end.

You shamelessly used him as you felt the familiar fire spread through your veins. He wasn’t long after, almost lifting your body to get you closer to him as he finished. His moans were slow and shaky as he rested his lips on your forehead.

His hips lost all rhythm as he spilled into you, his cock twitching inside you while he slowly pumped you full of his release, thrusting several times as he rode it out. You wanted to memorise the guttural sounds and the tremble of his face muscles as he reached the ultimate high. 

“We’re a mess,” he commented, burying his face into the crook of your neck. 

You let out a small chuckle. “Stay still for a second,” you ordered him as you relaxed in his hold. Both of you sighed at the sensation of him filling you up completely. You would enjoy this feeling of having him as close as humanly possible for as long as he let you.

“I don’t ever want to move.” he murmured against your hair.

You caught your breaths in unity, staying close together without saying much more. You didn’t need to. Lando knew that all his future dreams would take place here, lying quietly next to you, in your own sacred heaven. You two, sharing heavy breathing and sighs, after delicately bruising each other’s bodies. 

He looked you deep in your eyes, seeing how tired you were, but solidifying what was once a doubt for you. He looked at you like you were a risk worth taking. A river worth wading. A river worth drowning in. 

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

Lando woke up the morning after feeling well rested, in a bed that was warm and the sheets scented by you. He felt you moving next to him as he came out of his slumber, mumbling something about it being too hot and how you had forgotten to open the window before falling asleep. 

He didn’t understand how you felt hot when all he felt was ice cold as you left him alone in bed. The room got brighter as you moved the curtains, opening a window to let in the outside air. He opened his eyes to see you, back turned against him, stretching your body to wake up. A grin plastered on his face. He was painfully happy. 

You moved to wrap your arms around yourself, lifting the hem of the shirt you’d slept in. As you pulled it over your body, Lando got a view of your entire being. He was certainly awake now. Naked, your skin glowed golden technicolour from the sunlight, in stark contrast to the white room. 

You knew exactly what you were doing as you slowly turned around. 

“Just look at you…” Lando exhaled. “Fucking gorgeous, Bunny.” 

In seconds, you were back in bed next to him, pulling the bedding up to hide your face. 

“Gonna act all shy now?” he teased, chuckling. 

As you peeked back out, Lando was quick to get closer to you. He hovered over you as his hands found your body. 

He didn’t even have to tell you — your lips already parting as his thumb caressed your cheek, moving closer to your mouth. You took his thumb in your mouth, softly sucking as it rested on your tongue. You saw how his eyes fluttered at the feeling, gently removing it to press a passionate kiss to your wet lips. 

Lando was hesitant to let his hands wander lower, softly cupping your breasts and littering your sternum with open-mouthed kisses. His fingertips lightly pinched the sensitive peaks of your nipples, as he looked up at you through tired eyes, always wanting your reassurance, as his lips got close to the scar. 

You nodded gently, allowing him to kiss it. You didn’t like touching the scar, but somehow, you had no issue when his mouth did it. He kissed it gently before moving to kiss your nipple. He smiled with pride at the breathy gasp you let out as he placed his mouth on you. You were practically whining at the pressure of him sucking at your skin. 

He released you after a moment, lying down next to you. He felt your heartbeat through your chest as his head rested on top of your breast, softly padded by the plush skin. You looked down at him with joy, placing a finger under his chin so he was looking right back at you. 

Slowly, your fingers traced his face. He smiled at your orange nail polish. You took your time tracing the bridge of his nose, stopping when you got to the little mark he had right across it. He had his scars too. 

“My heart hurts,” you groaned quietly, as you ran your fingers through his hair. 

“Huh? Are you serious?” he mumbled against the skin of your chest. 

“It’s a dull ache, a desire almost,” you explained, and Lando understood your point. 

“I think it’s contagious,” Lando smiled. He let the words linger in the air before adding, “You should come with me to Hungary after this.” 

You sighed, realising how hard it would be to say no to him in the future. “I don’t go back to uni for another couple of weeks, so…” 

“I’m buying you a plane ticket right now,” he said, reaching for his phone, but your hands stopped him. 

“No,” you said. 

For a second, Lando started to second-guess everything. 

“Join me in the shower first.” 

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

Thank you for reading ♡ Feedback is well appreciated!

[sempersirens]

raising hell all over town

pairing: best friend's dad!joel x f!reader

summary: you've been a friend of sarah's since you were old enough to steal bottles of her dad's whiskey for parties. sarah was always the sensible one in your friendship, getting you out of the trouble you usually started. but now sarah has gone off to college, who else but joel could pick up the pieces?

content/warnings: 18+ mdni. alcohol. drugs. age gap. violence/fighting. smut: unprotected p in v, spanking

a/n: inspired by this gif set, and the wonderful @amanitacowboy & @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin for introducing me to that yellowstone scene kind of nervous about this, my first proper smutty fic - i find smut really difficult to write for some reason (weird because i'm feral horny 24/7) so this was kinda out of my comfort zone but i hope you all enjoy! PSA: i no longer have a taglist! feel free to follow my updates blog @sempersirenswrites and turn the post notifs on to be notified when i post a new fic :)

Friday nights in Austin felt incomplete without Sarah by your side.

For years, she had been the epitome of your partner in crime; dragging you back to her place or putting you in a cab before the cops were called.

Had it not been for your fierce loyalty and protectiveness over Sarah, you're sure her dad would've barred you from the house years ago. Sarah was smarter than you in almost every way. Academically, emotionally, you name it.

Joel knew this, and he trusted the two of you together knowing you both balanced the other out. Watching the two of you reminded Joel of a younger version of himself and Tommy, always thankful that Sarah had followed in his footsteps as opposed to her uncle's.

Your relationship with your parents was rocky, to say the least, and the Miller's house had always been a safe haven for you. Joel had patched up your split lip or bloody nose more times than he wanted to admit for a girl your age. He swore he'd kill your old man one day for the states you'd turned up to their house in.

Still, he couldn't help but feel the urge to grab you by the shoulders and shake some sense into you from time to time. As much as his heart broke for you, it was also in your nature to be a damn brat. Joel had endured countless stifling days spent by the pool forcing himself to not let his eyes linger on the curves of your hips. He struggled to look you in the eye when he saw you sat on the kitchen counter waiting to leave for a party, your mini skirt riding dangerously high on your thighs.

There had been times when he had been reckless. Times that he'd had to pull himself away from your invisible grip on him and relieve his tension in the bathroom, fisting his cock onto the shower floor, biting down on the shape of your name on his tongue.

When he'd re-emerge into the living room, he knew that you knew. You'd look through your eyelashes at him and smile. His cheeks flushed, shame setting in at the speed at which he'd cum from the thought of your pussy clenching around his shaft.

He would never let it show, but something would rush through his body when he'd ask Sarah what the hell she do this time? He remembered one time in particular, as Sarah relayed the events of the night that had led to your bloody nose, he'd looked over at you perching on the counter. With blood leaking down your cupid's bow, you'd locked eyes with him and ran your tongue across your lip, revelling in the remnants of your victory.

Still, you had fine enough nights out with the girls from work. They just didn't get you the way Sarah did. They would shoot you judgemental glances from across the bar that lasted until the Monday back at work for whatever you had done this time that they disapproved of.

"They're just dull. You should see the way they look at me for literally just hooking up with guys." You had lamented to Sarah over the phone while you were both getting ready for your respective nights out on separate sides of the country.

"It's probably because they've seen you get through an entire friendship group before your second drink."

"Well, they should be taking notes. Tell me nobody at college is as fun as me." Jealousy tore through your chest at the thought of Sarah spending her time with new friends.

"Nobody here is as fun as you. They're very... reserved." You scoffed at her politeness.

"Babe, just say they're boring."

"I'm giving them a chance. Anyway, gotta go. Text me tomorrow and tell me the damage. Love ya!"

"Don't have too much fun without me. Love you too."

Despite their judging looks, you were always the first person they called upon to finish any mess they had gotten themselves into. Still, you were happy to oblige, even if it meant a few awkward minutes of silence at the coffee machine on Monday.

The group of you had poured out of an Uber into the busy bar around nine o'clock, buzzing with the confidence of your pre-drinks. Rounds of shots were ordered and consumed at a dizzying pace, and soon enough, bags of powder were discreetly distributed across the table.

"Bathroom?" Hannah, one of your closest and least judgmental co-workers nudged you.

"Thought you'd never ask." The two of you sauntered away from the table, hand-in-hand, quickly bundling into a tight cubicle.

The bathroom filled up as the two of you tried to be as silent as possible, scooping your pinky nails into the small bag.

"Hurry the fuck up!" Someone from outside the cubicle called, thudding her fists against the door.

"Get fucked." You called back, muttering this bitch under your breath to Hannah.

As the two of you packed your things back into your handbags, the cubicle door jolted half open, smacking Hannah in the shoulder.

"Are you fucking serious?" You shouted at the small brunette on the other side of the door, checking Hannah over for injury.

"You hit me, you bitch." She straightened herself up, rubbing her shoulder.

"I'll do worse if you don't fucking move." The brunette hissed in her face.

You screwed your face up and shoved her, making her stumble backwards into the sink. The other girls in the bathroom grabbed their bags and scurried to the exit, evidently not wanting to be caught in the crossfire.

"Apologise." You said, moving toward the girl who was now pulling herself up with the help of the basins on either side of her.

"Fuck you." She spat, saliva hitting your cheek before she lunged forward.

Your fist connected with her nose before she even had time to swing, and your right hand secured a tight grip on the back of her hair.

"I said, apologise to my friend."

"I'm sorry." She choked, pathetically. Her face shrivelled in fear and pain.

"Not so fuckin' big now, are you?" Hannah said, which was ironic, considering the girl who had bruised her was now quivering under your fist.

Content with her apology, you released your grip on her and re-entered the bar with Hannah trailing behind you. As you both rejoined your table, you felt a tap on your shoulder.

"Our friend said you just attacked her in the bathroom." Another petite girl looked up at you, one hand on her hip.

"She hit my friend, here. Was just trying to teach her some manners."

The entirety of your group was now turned to face you, exchanging harsh whispers of your name followed by just leave it.

"You broke her nose!" The girl shrilled. You looked over her shoulder to the girl doubled over, clutching her bloody nose with an ensemble of people crowding around her.

"No, I think it just looks like that."

You grinned at the rage growing behind her eyes, your smile unfaltering even as her fist collided with your cheek.

"Harder." You shouted, rolling your neck from side to side.

"What?!"

"Come on, hit me harder. I know you got it in you." She didn't take much convincing; her next punch knocked you backwards onto the table as everyone rushed to tear the two of you apart.

You stepped forward to finally let her have it when a pair of strong hands pulled you back.

"Get off!" You shouted, kicking against who you assumed to be security throwing you out. You just hoped they weren't calling the cops, too.

"C'mon, doll. You've had enough fun for one night." A familiar Southern drawl cooed, dragging you out into the warm night. "Now, that wasn't very ladylike of you, darlin'."

He let you go from his grip and you turned to face him. To your surprise, you were met with the smirk of the younger Miller brother.

"Tommy." You breathed, "I didn't see you in there."

"Well, lucky I noticed you ain't it." He grinned.

Spending so much time at the Miller's had you well acquainted with Sarah's uncle Tommy. He'd seen you in much worse states than this, and in turn, so had you.

"Didn't need you to swoop in and save me, Tommy."

"Wasn't saving you, sweetheart. Was savin' that poor girl." You both smiled at the tone of pride in his voice.

"You got somewhere to go, trouble? Don't think you should be hangin' round here for too long."

"Can't exactly go home bleeding from my face." You sighed, realising you probably hadn't thought this through. You missed Sarah.

Tommy fished around in his pocket for his phone before raising it to his ear.

"Hey, big brother." Your stomach flipped. "No, no- it's not me. Joel, listen." You could almost hear Joel on the other end of the phone, witnessing it in person more times than you could count. It's not even ten o'clock yet, don't tell me you're locked up already.

"Our favourite little troublemaker needs a place to crash tonight. I'd drive her over but I've already had my fair share of beers. Okay, great. I'll tell her."

Once he'd hung up, Tommy told you that Joel was on his way to come and pick you up. You could feel your heartbeat in your stomach. You'd never been alone with Joel for longer than a couple of hours at most, let alone spending the night at his while Sarah was out of town. Something inside of you twitched in excitement, a warm rush settling deep in your belly.

You told Tommy to go back into the bar, that Joel wouldn't be long and you'd walk down the street to meet him in case those girls came out looking for another round.

As you made your way underneath the streetlights toward the direction of the Miller's house, you pulled your compact from your bag and touched up your make-up, re-curling your lashes and dousing a thick layer of clear lipgloss onto your lips, not bothering to tend to any of the blood trickling down your skin. You spritzed yourself with perfume and ran a brush through your hair, smiling at the thought of Joel seeing you waiting on the curbside for him.

Right on cue, his truck pulled around the corner. You raised your hand and wiggled your fingers, a small smirk spreading across your cheeks.

You were grateful for your earlier decision to wear your knee-high boots with a denim mini-skirt, adding a little extra sway to your hips as you made your way to the passenger side of Joel's truck. You climbed in and turned to face him, flashing him a toothy grin, well aware of the blood staining your teeth.

"You're a damn mess, princess." Something deep inside of you came to life at his words, causing you to visibly clench your exposed thighs together. "S'there I was, thinking to myself how thankful I am for a peaceful night after workin' lates all week. When my phone rings, just as I'd sat down and made myself comfortable."

"Peace is overrated." You replied.

"So, what did you do this time? Steal another cop car? Break into a hotel pool? Make out with someone's husband?"

You played with the hem of your skirt as he spoke, blushing as he listed a few of your past activities he'd either bailed you out of or heard about from Sarah.

"I didn't start this one." You said, a slight whine in your voice. "Someone hit my friend, I was just looking out for her."

"Your friend can't fight her own battles?"

"You never have a problem when it's Sarah I'm throwing punches for."

He scoffed. "Now, you know I've always taught her to never start a fight but always to finish one. You on the other hand, I don't think nobody's taught you anythin' of the sort."

"And are you gonna be the one to do that, Mr Miller?" You mimicked his Texan accent, which was much thicker than yours, and parted your legs in your seat ever so slightly.

"If I didn't know you better, darlin', I'd think you were tryin' to get me in some sort of trouble."

He pulled into the driveway and switched the ignition off before jogging to your side of the truck and holding the door open for you, as well as offering you an outstretched hand.

"Always such a gentleman." You smiled, looking at him through your eyelashes as you stepped out, hand in his.

He exhaled out of his nose, shaking his head softly as he slammed the door shut behind you. His hand moved to the small of your back, guiding you into the house.

"Sarah's bed is all made up, I'm sure you know where her clothes are f'you wanna change into something more... comfortable." His eyes trailed down your figure, your clothes hugging all the right places.

"Do you not like my outfit?" You pouted, holding your hands behind your back and sticking your chest out, swaying from side to side.

"Course not, y'look real pretty. Just thought you'd wanna watch TV before going to sleep is all." Joel brought a hand to the back of his head, rubbing his neck nervously as his eyes shifted to the floor.

For such a handsome man, he was so damn insecure. Maybe it was the gentleman in him, thinking that it was wrong for someone his age to want someone the same age as his daughter. He knew you didn't think like that, Sarah had told him multiple stories about the older men you'd hooked with at the bar.

He'd even caught you making out with a kid from your school's dad a few years ago when he'd come to pick you and Sarah up from a party. Joel had seemingly known the man, and you remembered how he'd stalked out of his truck and toward you both, grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and warning him that his wife wasn't going to like hearing about this.

So, you kicked off your boots and took yourself upstairs into Sarah's bedroom. Not bothering to close the blinds, you peeled your clothes off and looked at yourself in the full length mirror.

The warmth of your earlier drinks still coated your inhibitions. You knew you looked good in your black lace set, breasts sat perkily on your chest and your ass cheeks the perfect handfuls.

Fuck it. If he wasn't going to be ballsy enough to make the first move, maybe you should.

You kissed the tips of your fingers and pressed them against a framed photo of you and Sarah giggling at whatever was going on behind the camera.

"Sorry, Sarah." You whispered, before making your way down the stairs.

Joel heard you coming but was too preoccupied fighting with the TV remote control to turn around and face you just yet.

"If I can get this damn thing to work I think they're showin' Scarface at ten, I know you said you ain't seen it so thought we could watch it."

"Sounds good," you spoke, your voice more honeyed than usual. "Hey, Joel. Do you think this will be comfy enough?"

He whipped his head around quickly, ready to give you the same kind of answer he did whenever Sarah asked for his opinion in a changing room. It took a second for him to register what he was looking at, but when it clicked he dropped the remote to the floor and turned his whole body to face you.

"What the hell," his face turned bright red, unsure what to do with his hands. You could give him a few ideas.

"You not like it?" You asked, voice low as you walked slowly in his direction.

His trousers began to tighten around his hardening cock and you smiled, glad that you were indeed on the same page.

"Course I- I, what the hell are you playin' at?"

"Come on, Joel. I gotta make up for interrupting your peaceful night somehow."

You closed the gap between you both and placed a hand delicately on his chest, tracing circles with the tip of your long, manicured nails.

Joel swallowed hard.

"This ain't right." He said weakly, his eyes betraying his words as they devoured the sight of your body before him.

"Cut the shit, Joel. I know you want me, and I want you."

He didn't answer, but instead threw you over his shoulder and carried you up to his bedroom, placing a couple of firm smacks on your ass as you wriggle against his strong grip. Your stomach did backflips, exhilarated at the prospect of what was about to happen.

Upon entering his room, he threw you roughly onto the bed and worked at undoing his belt as you scrambled onto your back, resting on your elbows.

"Y'know what I really thought when Tommy called, tellin' me I needed to come pick you up?" He said, although it didn't sound much like a question. "I thought, this dumb slut needs some sense fucking into her."

You moaned at his words, basking in the side of him that you knew always existed.

“Thought t’myself, she needs teachin’ some fuckin' manners f’once.”

Joel stalked around the side of the bed and sat and patted his lap. Wordlessly, you shifted your weight next to him and dangled your legs over the side of the bed.

He brought his right hand in between your thighs, making you shiver at the feeling of his coarse fingers grazing your skin. He ran his fingers up and down the length of your thigh, each time stopping short of the hem of your skirt.

"This is what you want, ain't it sweetheart?" He spoke lowly, voice gravelly and as rough as his touch. Each night spent tangled and alone in your sheets, fingers grazing your soaked folds with his name on your lips felt redundant. Nothing could come close to the feel of his skin on yours.

Pulling you from your trance, he slapped your inner thigh hard when you didn't respond. "Need t'hear you say it."

"Yes,' you moan through gritted teeth, surprised you can even find your voice. "This is what I need."

Sick of his incessant teasing, you clamber onto his lap and hook your fingers around the back of his neck.

"But I think you need this just as much, Mr Miller. You must get so lonely in this house all by yourself. Sarah always tells me how you never have any lady friends hanging around."

You straddle his lap and grip his neck for support, softly grinding yourself on the hardness of his lap. He moves a hand from your waist to roughly seize your chin, tipping your face down to meet his gaze.

"Your old man must've forgot to teach you some manners, little girl." His low voice tore through your body.

Joel hoists your skirt up to your waist and flips you underneath him in one swift motion. His body looms over yours, fingers trailing a rough and jagged line down to where you need him most. He moved at an antagonising slow pace, but you can't bring yourself to give into his little game by begging for more.

"Here's what we're gonna do, darlin'. You're gonna be a good girl f'me and tell daddy exactly what happened tonight." The mouth on him.

The way your body writhed and squirmed at his words didn't go unnoticed. With no warning, he plunged two thick digits inside of you and held them deep in place, his face inches away from yours.

"N'if you stutter, or lie, or say anythin' I don't like for that matter, you'll be over my knee, red-raw," his fingers curl inside of you and you bite back a moan, desperate to not let him have the upper hand.

"No matter how much you cry those pretty little eyes out, I won't quit 'til you've learnt somethin'. Understood?"

You suck a breath in through your nose, a sharp sting reminding you of the open wound still decorating your face.

"Yes, sir."

part 2 coming soon

taglist: @cool-iguana @nostalxgic @chaotic-mystery @beardedjoel

[changisworld]

Watersports with Seungmin

word count:2,022

18+, MDNI!! smut below the cut

©ANY translation, copy & paste, posting of my work is strictly forbidden for ANY posts/ writing i post.

Seventh part of my eight part masterlist of the extension of this & this headcanon of the members!!;3

Kinks & pleasures masterlist here main masterlist here

->SMUT WARNINGS: Piss(obviously), dom!seung??, subbish reader, so much praise, face sitting, mention of omorashi, hair pulling, tinyyy bit of manhandling, fingering(f rec), cum eating, piss digestion, reader is a bit shy, but comes out her shell:3, seungmin cums untouched hehe

->If this isn't your cup of tea, simply don't read, I know this is a more of a taboo kink compared to pretty much everything I've written so far but ever since I've came to the realisation I luv it,I just needed an excuse to write it heheh, remember & always research new kinks before trying to stay as safe as possible!

You & Seungmin have clicked extremely well since the minute you both met, emotionally, physically & also sexually, very sexually.

You both quickly come to the realisation that you're both very open to trying new things & you both also fall into your roles almost instantly, it now being obvious that he is the dom & calls the shots, you have always been a switch but you never complain at the dynamics, on the odd occasion you try switch roles, Minnie is quick to shut it down (but you'll switch the roles one day)

When Seungmin was sitting with you in your bed, his head on your chest as you twiddle your fingers through his hair, caressing his scalp as you're just scrolling on your phone.

"Y/nnnnnn, I wanna tell you something." he speaks nonchalantly, elongating his words as his own eyes still glued to his own phone, you simply hum a 'mhmm', not expecting what he is about to say at all, but that's mainly your own fault because you should know that he really has no filter around you & the chances of him saying something outlandish is extremely high.

Seungmin takes a small but still overdramatic sigh before continuing He asks, his voice trying to sound natural but you know him far too well by now to know he is a bit nervous to ask & even more nervous to hear your response, turning up the volume by one on his phone to try ease the small bit of tension.

You already kinda knew this question was gonna come up at some point, as his obsession with making you squirt at least once every time you orgasm & also the way he just loves the look on your face & the ay you react when he forces you to hold your bladder while he gives you yet another drink.

"We could try it, but it's a bit scary, what if I embarrass myself or you like, throw up or something." you half joke, turning off your phone & tapping his cheek, indicating for him to look up at you, but he moves himself to look at you as he hugs into you, scoffing at your words.

"Wayyy worse things have happened during sex, remember when I literally almost died from when you almost snapped my banjo when you were on top! I know I won't throw up so don't be silly! I'm dying to try, nothing you do would make me cringe, unless it's you biting ice cream in front of me." he chuckles before kissing your cheek & flashing you his gorgeous toothy smile, his pretty cheeks pressing so cutely against his features.

That's how you've ended up in the position you're now in. You're laying on your back on your bed, with two layers of towels covering the duvet, because you for some reason both think just two layers is enough to keep your sheets dry. You're laying naked, your room a nice, warm comfortable temperature as a random christmas smelling candle is burning as seungmin is nibbling on your tongue as he kisses you deeply, him also being naked, not including just his boxers that are uncomfortably tight around his already hardening cock.

"Are you still fully sure you wanna do this? We can still do something completely different or we can do what we usually do, I won't be upset." Seungmin asks, his voice soft as he parts his lips with yours & looks into your eyes, his hand caressing your lower tummy, right above your full bladder from the multiple glasses of water you've drank just for this moment.

"Wanna do it, I trust you" you smile at him as your fingers daintily touch over his faint abs. Seungmin smiles at you that little bit extra as he nods his head & kisses your nose before he rolls you both over so you've switched positions, Seungmin now on his back & he is quick to grab onto you to help you straddle him as he shuffles his head off the pillows so his head is on the towel too.

He wraps his arms beneath your armpits & pulls you down to lock lips with you again as his fingers push down on on your bladder, making you squirm as you tense up in his hold.

"want you to sit on my face, c'mere" he rasps, excitement in his voice. You would say no to absolutely anyone else if they were to ever ask you, but you shove all your nerves about potentially hurting him down your throat as you follow what he says, almost as if you're in some sort of spell.

You position yourself above his face, his eyes glistening up at you, darting from your face, to your tits, down to your leaking pussy, admiring each one for the billionth time.

"You look so pretty from here, letting me do this to you, thank you jagi" he mumbles in awe as he pulls you down onto his face & the verbal response that you were gonna give him dies in your throat as you let out a gasp, his tongue not wasting even a second before he's making quick work of parting your folds with his tongue, groaning at your taste.

"Fuck Minnie, tongue feels so good" you whimper as one hand rests on the headboard of the bed & your other hand finds it's way into his hair, it's usual spot & you tug on it lightly, giving him the slightly painful but pleasure he is now addicted to.

Seungmin hums at the taste of you, the taste genuinely being in probably the top five things on this earth. His nose nudges against your clit as his tongue decides to get a stronger & deeper taste, fucking it's way into your soaked hole you accidentally grind on his face before putting a quick stop to it, but he is having none of it as he grabs onto your ass to push & pull you back & forth against his face, making your eyes scrunch closed.

You throw your head back as Seungmin's lips suckle on your clit, slurping your wetness & also his own spit back into his mouth before spitting it back onto you, just to repeat the process & your mind is going numb, you can already feel your orgasm starting to bubble but you're forcing yourself to hold back.

You keep mumbling out small praises to the man sucking your soul out of your body, his tongue curling around your button & kitten licking it at a rapid pace. One of his hands move from your ass & lands it on your lower tummy before he starts pushing down on the skin, not too much but enough to make you quease at the feeling, making you try jolt away from the feeling, but he's quick to keep you in place.

"Seung, wanna cum" you whimper as you look down at him, his eyes already looking up at you in almost amazement, looking up at you if he is the cat that got the cream & in his mind, he has.

He lifts you off him just enough to finally speak, using the opportunity to also actually breathe since he's been too happy in between your thighs that he's forgot how to actually take a breath.

"Don't cum till you do what we agreed, maky? Want it so bad, let go for me" he pants, his lower face shiny with your arousal. While he says this, he enters two fingers into you, so you're still getting some sensation & to make sure your upcoming release doesn't completely disappear.

"Don't needa pee Minnie" you whimper, obviously lying as your hips thrusting to get more feeling from his fingers curling inside you, hitting just the spot & Seungmin pouts as he presses even harder down on you bladder & you squeak, clenching has hard as you can to not burst & he tuts.

"Don't lie, you're so good f'me all the time so don't stop now, wanna taste you as much as possible hunny" he purrs before pulling his fingers out of you & then pulling you back onto his face, getting back to massaging your cunt with his tongue as he then taps his two fingers at your lips & you open your mouth to suckle on them instinctively, but all the while, the urge to just completely relax & let go is getting more & more tempting.

Your legs begin to tense up & start to shake as he keeps pushing on you bladder as his tongue suctions onto your clit, his pretty pink lips wrapped around it & by the way your thighs are moving around his head, he knows you're close.

"G-gonna pee Min, wanna cum" you squeak finally swallowing the last part of the pride you have left & you stop clenching, letting all your muscles react & before you have even a second to stop yourself or have any second thoughts, you've let go & a golden stream escapes you, coating the man beneath you's face, your own thighs & also quickly making it's way through the layers of towels, no doubt soaking the sheets below, not that you could be paid to care anyway.

Seungmin moans at the sight & taste, the taste so completely raw & unfiltered in the best way possible as he pulls you just off his face & he slithers three fingers into you this time, bullying into your G-spot as the gush slows down, but your orgasm does anything but that, as you feel it catching up to you quicker than you think it ever has before.

"So good for me y/n, so beautiful, I can tell you're close, cmon" he purrs, looking up at your shaking frame as he is bashing his fingers against your gummy spot & his words just push you over the edge.

You were already clenching around his fingers before, but he is convinced you're gonna rip off his fingers with how hard you're clenching around him as you grip onto the headboard with both hands as you're breathing rapidly, letting out a squeal as you cream around his fingers.

Your orgasm seems to be lasting forever but who is Seungmin to complain? He came five minutes ago untouched so he is just honoured that you're cumming because of him.

Once you settle down & are actually able to open your eyes, Seungmin slowly removes his fingers from your gushing cunt & helps move you so you're laying on the only dry spot left on the bed, which just gets wet anyways as Seungmin moves around, your piss dripping down his pretty toned skin onto the bed.

"How was it? Be fully honest!" you ask, slightly nervous for his response, kinda terrified in case it was nothing like he wanted or expected it to be. "Better than I thought, thank you for letting me try it with you, trust me when I say I loved it, even came in my pants" he giggles & you look down & see a huge wet patch & you giggle back, blushing that you've had this effect on him.

"Let's get you & this room clean mkay? the room doesn't smell of christmas anymore" he teases as he helps get you in the shower before hopping in with you & helping you both clean each other.. after he strips the bedsheets.

->Anon list & tag list is open!

[kytiapseud]

In Defense of Epic Manwhore au

Okay, so I’m kinda nervous to post this but I feel like it should be said. I hope I tagged correctly for the topics I discuss in this. So, in defense of the Manwhore au as for the concept being coerced, it’s not like the god(s) said ‘you’ll die if you don’t have sex with me’. Odysseus is the one who brings it up. Although yes, the line of consent there is a bit murky with Odysseus more doing so to get out of situations rather than because he wants to. It’s totally valid for some fans to not be a fan of the au, not everything in fan spaces is for everyone. You are entitled to your opinion and get to make your fandom experience safe for you. There is something I saw though that felt like commentary about those who came up with/ enjoy the au. To me this felt close to attempted fandom censoring or those who try to ‘cleanse’ all fandom content to what they think is morally correct. Again, it is fine if you want to share your thoughts on something. But I hope no one comes after those who do enjoy the au. I haven’t seen that happen yet, I’m hoping it doesn’t. But the generalization about what it says about those who enjoy the au doesn’t sit right with me. For reasons like I mentioned above, about worrying it could turn into attempted censoring. Especially if anyone tries to get others to agree to black-and-white thinking about what they think is true. That could easily turn into justification to harassment, which I have seen in fandom spaces before. Particularly with anti-proshippers.

There may be valid criticisms to this au concept, but that doesn’t mean everyone who is a fan likes it for the same reasons. Let me address some of what I’ve seen though. The joking about Odysseus being a Manwhore coming from homophobia. Yeah, that’s possible (although personally I feel like a homophobe is more likely to not even mention gay things.) I don’t think that’s always the case though. I know there was one animatic I saw, the first thing I saw for the au, that had a joke in it that I didn’t like. I don’t judge this creator, and in fact it’s a common joke I’ve seen. Particularly with people wishing they didn’t see something. It just doesn’t vibe with me. In no way do I think that those who say such jokes have something wrong with them. People have different senses of humor and I think some use such jokes as a way to cope.

Anyways, I think some of the humor more comes from how unexpected it would be. I mean, we have a war captain facing foes who instead of choosing to fight goes for seducing them. It’s certainly interesting. I know some of the jokes come from the others not involved in the coupling being just shocked or grossed out. I think that more comes from like not wanting to see someone else talk about or get busy with another? I mean, some of these men probably consider each other to be like brothers. I imagine that would be weird. I think homosexuality wasn’t taboo in ancient Greece, I’m not entirely sure though I may need to do more research on that. So there could be some homophobia to the jokes, but I don’t think that’s the case for everyone. It certainly wasn’t for me. It could also be lgbt+ fans wanting to see more gay stuff in the story. Gay shipping isn’t uncommon after all.

I don’t think everyone who talks about the Manwhore au has no problem joking about sa. There can be many reasons why someone may enjoy a concept in media. You don’t know. Like how women are criticized for rape fantasies. I watched a documentary about sex once (I can’t remember which one this was in now) and there was a whole segment about the rape fantasy, discussing why this is an appeal to some women. It did not mean these women want to be raped of course. Part of it could come from a culture of feeling pressure to not experience any sexual feelings, so the scenario allowed them to experience something without feeling guilty about it. There isn’t always a clear explanation for why someone can find something sexy.

I think this started as a joke, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there were some who wanted something sexy in their Epic fan experience. I mean, having read the Odyssey in school (twice actually) I did not expect I would want to see Odysseus in such a scenario. But then I saw one sexy fanart of him with others and cough I ended up liking it more than I expected. Those who have seen my reblogs on this tag know heh.

There’s also the infidelity notion. I feel like given the situation, Penelope would understand. I also saw some comments that they could be poly, which is a concept I like for this. I’ve also seen mention that human relationships with gods have ended up tragically for the humans involved. I don’t think everyone who listens to Epic knows about that. I didn’t. But again, this goes back to it being fantasy. People enjoying picturing it the way they want to. It doesn’t have to be accurate to the myths. It’s fanfiction/au.

I think the infidelity notion to it didn’t bother me as much as others because in the original, he wasn’t faithful. Sorry for Odyssey spoilers I guess. Anyways, I was already used to him being a cheater. Although the one with Circe may match more with the coercion along the lines of ‘sleep with me for your crew’. The knife that’s been shown in some animatics wasn’t in the original. It’s been a while since I’ve read it so I’m not entirely sure about how that went down.

Referring back to if Odysseus wants it even if he was the one who offered (sorry if I’m all over the place with this, I have a lot of thoughts.) Seducing foes doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t want it. There’s a character in a Sanders Sides roleplay I was in named Remy (Sleep), whose rp version was created/and played by the wonderful @queroze , who was proclaimed by them to be a manslut. His go-to to get out of situations, if he saw it was a fit strategy, was to seduce. Sure, he got into situations that weren’t great, but often he was the active one in the seducing. I wouldn’t say his go-to being to seduce meant it wasn’t always consensual. In fact, there’s many descriptions and some statements from Que themselves saying Remy loved bringing pleasure to his partners.

Then there’s the mention of the unlikeliness of the scenario actually happening. I don’t think this matters that much to be honest. It’s fandom enjoyment. Who cares if people want to enjoy something that doesn’t seem likely in canon? I personally couldn’t see seduction working, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t find the concept entertaining. Sure people shouldn’t insist it could occur to the creators. But aside from that, it doesn’t affect you. Enjoying fan spaces is way more fun if we let things stay peaceful.

I kinda want to write a fanfic now that adjusts to some of the critiques I’ve seen of this au. I know I said I probably wouldn’t, but I got inspired while planning this heh.

[indigogvf]

Need

Word count: 6.8k

Warnings: mentions of SA!!! smut (minors dni), alcohol. If I missed anything please let me know!

Summary: You and Jake have never seen eye to eye, but when a guy creeps you out at his house party, does that change?

A/N: awful summary lol sorry I’m so tired and have been wanting to post this for ages. This is not as good as I wanted it to be, or as long, but I do not have the patience for that. For some reason the ideas were just not flowing for this fic, so I feel like it’s kinda jumpy. Sorry about that!! Also, my requests are open!! Anyway, enough of me yapping. Enjoy!!

This was not your thing; parties. It’s not that you hated them, but a nine pm bed time meant a lot more to you. Drinking made you sleepy. However, parties are especially not your thing when Jake is there. Even more so when they’re hosted at his house.

Much like tonight.

You can’t deny Josh’s puppy dog eyes for very long though, and you weren’t going to let one person ruin your night. He’s hosting the party anyway, so he has much more important things to worry about than trying to piss you off. You thought.

You thought wrong. As always.

The night begun smoothly. You felt confident and sexy, your dress hugging you in all the right places. You weren’t planning on getting into anyones pants tonight, but it felt nice to know you could. With that being said, you also felt nervous. You and Jake couldn’t get along at all; you can be civil when needs be, but it never lasts long. If you can’t get along sober, you doubt adding copious amounts of alcohol is going to have a positive impact.

You made your rounds of everyone, making sure to say hi to the people you knew; also making sure to keep well away from Jake. You and Jake have been holding the battle of “who can be the meanest” for quite some time now, and you honestly can’t even remember how it started, but you strongly disliked him. You’re both extremely stubborn, so as much as you feel bad for feuding with your best friends’ brother, you wouldn’t be caught dead making amends. And neither would he.

Obviously your first point of call after saying hello was getting yourself a nice, strong drink. A necessity, in your opinion. Definitely a necessity when jake’s around. You’d already lost Josh, who you came with, and you were now left to fend for yourself. You did know a good amount of people, but everyone knew everyone else more than you knew them, so you weren’t really sure where to start.

You wondered back to the main event, scouring the room for someone you know well enough to join their conversation. As you were looking around, you caught the eyes of Jake. His shirt was buttoned up by two buttons, max. You couldn’t quite see due to the darkness of the room. Speaking of, he’s wearing sunglasses. What a douchebag you thought. I mean, seriously? Sunglasses? In an almost pitch black room?

His hair was falling nicely, though. The sunglasses were giving his hair something to flow against, and it was framing his face well. It doesn’t matter how much you hate him, you will always be jealous of his hair.

He smirks at you, mischief written all over his face. You roll your eyes and move on. You promised Josh you wouldn’t argue with Jake tonight, and you really did feel bad. You know how hard it is for them to navigate this.

However, Jake had other intentions. He started walking over; you knew you were well within your rights to walk away, but you also knew that this would happen at some point, so you might as well get it over and done with.

“You look cute.” He mentioned sarcastically, gesturing to your dress.

“Thanks. Wish I could say the same about you.” You retorted with an eye roll, taking a step away from him. You wanted as much distance between you as possible.

“Oh, c’mon. You and I both know you like what you see.” He suggested with a cocky smirk, pointing at himself. He took a step closer, closing the space between you that you had just made.

“Seriously? You have that big of an ego? Take a look at yourself for once. You’re wearing sunglasses in a dimly lit room. Could you look like more of a dick?” You replied, taking a sip of your drink. You knew he enjoyed this a lot more than you did; you were easier to piss off.

“Look at myself? Look at you! You look like you’re begging to take someone home in that dress.” He laughed, throwing his head back. ‘Always so dramatic’ you thought.

“Yeah? Well at least I could take someone home if I wanted to, which I don’t, for the record. You can’t, not when you look like as much of an uptight prick as you.” You argued. You felt like steam was coming out of your ears. He always had to dig deep. Every time.

He began responding, but you had already started walking away. Like you said, you’d promised Josh you wouldn’t argue with him tonight, so you really didn’t want it to go any further.

You spot danny and Sam and take this opportunity to distract yourself. “hey guys, you having fun?” You asked as you waved at them.

“Hey y/n, did Josh ditch you? Already?” Sam queried, turning to face you. Danny sniggered beside him in response.

“Well, yeah. But I promise that’s not why I came to chat.” You knew that whatever Sam was suggesting was just a joke, but you also knew that if Josh hadn’t of ditched you, the overwhelming joy you felt when you saw them probably wouldn’t have been as intense.

“Yeah, whatever. How’s things with Jake? I see you’ve continued your feud.” Danny joined, subtly looking over to Sam. They know exactly how to wind you up. You will never understand how they find the humour in this situation; if it was the other way round, you would’ve grown impatient a long time ago.

“Yeah, but that’s done for the night. I’m really not in the mood for it to carry on tonight.” You said as you grabbed your drink to take another sip, taking a seat next to danny.

“Are you ever in the mood for jake, though? You say that every time, and every time the feud continues.” Sam giggled.

“You know, he’s right. How did this ‘feud’ even start? I can’t quite remember.” Danny said. Him and Sam were now laughing a little too hard considering how unfunny their comments were. At least you didn’t find them funny.

“You know what guys, maybe I will carry it on. Just for you.” You remarked, pointing your finger at both of them to further emphasis your point.

“Oh, we would love to see that.” Laughed Danny, turning to face you completely.

“Maybe you should just fuck it out. I mean, if all of our mutual friends can agree on that, maybe we’re right.” Sam added, without laughing. He was serious. He seriously suggested you ‘fuck it out’. With his brother.

“You guys suck. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to grab another drink.” You began walking away as they laughed; obviously happy with themselves for managing to wind you up.

You made your way into the kitchen, your eyes landing on a guy stood in the corner. You smiled politely as you walked past him to make your next drink. “You on your own?” He asked. Are. You. Serious. You thought. You were not in the mood for this.

“Uh, no. My friends are just in the living room, where everyone else is.” You said bluntly. You hoped that gave him the hint that you were definitely not interested.

Obviously, it didn’t.

“Your ass looks beautiful in that dress.” He said boldly as he took a step closer, looking you up and down.

“Thanks, but I’m not looking for any of that tonight.” You smiled in an attempt to soften the blow, whilst taking a step back.

“C’mon, you can’t wear a dress like that and not want some attention.” He laughed, reaching his hand out to brush your arm. You quickly retracted.

You were starting to panic slightly as it was clear he wasn’t getting the hint. “I’m okay, really.” You reiterated, taking another step back. You were now against the counter, awaiting his next move.

As he started to take a step towards you, Jake walked into the kitchen, pausing as he witnesses the guy come closer to you; again trying to reach out and touch your arm. He flicks his eyes to you, and you look at him with pleading eyes. You really hope he can see what you’re trying to tell him.

“Hey, what are you doing, man?” Jake asked, flicking his eyes between you as he walked further into the kitchen.

“That’s none of your business, man.” He mocks, drawing his attention back to you.

“It is when it’s my house. Did she tell you she was interested in you before you cornered her?” He asked, his tone dripping with sarcasm. He folded his arms and leaned on the counter, raising his eyebrows as he impatiently waited for his response.

“Well, I- no, but-“

“Enough said. Get off of her and get out of my house.” He spoke with a steady tone, pushing himself off of the counter and moving out of the way, further prompting the guy to leave.

You breathed out, not even realising you were holding your breath. “Thank you so much.” You sighed, running your hands over your face as you tried to ground yourself.

“Yeah, are you okay? Did anything else happen?” He asked with panic laced in his voice. He walked over to you and moved his eyes over you to check that you were okay.

You looked up at him. His eyes were laced with concern and worry; they looked softer, It was different. He always looked at you with such annoyance, but you liked this. “I’m okay. Thank you, Jake.” You replied. You really were okay, but unwanted men coming onto you will never get less daunting.

“I’m sorry that happened. If you need anything, you let me know. My bedroom is upstairs to the right if you need some quiet.” He said softly as he ran his hand through his hair, letting it fall back into place.

You were taken back, to say the least. You and Jake were never nice to each other unless absolutely necessary, but even then you were still throwing dirty looks around like there was no tomorrow. It was a moment of clarity. You would see Jake acting somewhat similarly to others; always so kind and caring. But never towards you. You wondered what it would be like to not dislike him so much, and to actually get along with him. Although this only gave you a small taste of that, you liked this a lot more than hating him. You still hated him though. You’re way too stubborn to admit that you might like him, even to yourself.

“Thanks. I’m okay, I promise. I always get shaken up when this type of stuff happens. I just need another drink.” You laughed a little, trying to soften the mood slightly. You picked up your cup and started to fiddle with it. You felt too awkward just standing there.

“Yeah, sure. Help yourself. Do you want me to stay with you and then help you find josh? So you’re not on your own again?” He suggested as he walked past you to get a drink out of the fridge.

What the fuck? You thought. You knew Jake could be nice, but you never expected him to be this caring. Not in a million years.

“Uh, yeah, actually. Would that be okay? I don’t want to steal you from your own party.” You mumbled, starting to pour a concoction of various kinds of alcohol into your cup.

“Of course. I know where he is, so it shouldn’t take long.” He reassured you with a soft smile, brushing past you to find a bottle opener for his drink.

You grabbed your drink and went with Jake to find Josh. Once you found him, you said your thank you’s to Jake and walked over to Josh.

“Was that Jake? Were you just with Jake? Did you just smile at Jake?” He asked, an excited grin on his face. He got up from his seat, eager to find out if your battle with Jake has finally ended or not.

“Yes, yes, and yes. Some guy was being a massive creep and Jake saw and kicked him out. He was really sweet, actually. It was weird.” You said, taking a sip of your drink whilst stealing Josh’s seat.

“Does this mean you both like each other?” He said, completely disregarding the small mention of the creepy guy; you didn’t blame him, though. This was exciting for him. His smile widened as he got more eager by the second.

“No. I still hate him.” You said firmly. You were not admitted the fact that you maybe, slightly like Jake. Not happening.

“Ugh, c’mon, y/n. You know he can be nice, you’ve seen it yourself. He’s even been nice to you now. Without any prompting.” He pleaded as he sat on the edge of the table opposite you.

You leaned back against the sofa and sighed. You looked at Josh’s face and you could see he was desperate for this to finally be over. “Okay, fine. I don’t like Jake. However, I’m not as inclined to gauge his eyes out when I look at him anymore. Happy?” You reasoned.

He shook his head and smiled. “Fine. This is a starting point, then.”

“Sure. You can call it that if you’d like.” You giggled. It was clear he was a little frustrated, all he wanted was his best friend and brother to get along, but it was fun to wind him up sometimes.

As the night went on, people slowly startled to filter out the party, only leaving a few people. You were thinking about jake, and how he helped you. You wanted to repay him, so you took yourself to the kitchen and began clearing up some of the used cups. You figured he would appreciate this, since no one likes cleaning up the morning after whilst morbidly hungover.

You were nearly done when Jake walked in. He paused in the doorway, “What are you doing?” He asked, not moving.

“Oh, hi. I’m just cleaning up a little bit. Thought it might help you out tomorrow when you’re hungover.” You stated, smiling at him and continuing to throw away all the trash laying around.

“You don’t have to do that.” He began to walk over and attempted to take the bag from your hands. You pulled your hands away.

“You didn’t have to help me earlier.” You looked up at him and sent him a reassuring smile. You really wanted to help out.

“How are you doing after earlier?” He asked, ignoring your previous statement.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just glad you helped.” You replied, setting the bag down on the floor when there was no more trash left on the counters.

“How are you getting home?” He wondered, picking up the trash bag and moving it to the doorway so he could take it out later.

“Oh, I was just going to get a taxi.” You said as you fiddled with your rings, again feeling awkward with this new tone of conversation between you.

He shook his head, “No, you can stay here.”

“Why do you care how I get home?” You retort. It came out slightly harsher than you expected, and he took a step back.

“Why do i care?” He repeated. “Look, we might not see eye to eye, but what happened to you tonight wasn’t okay. He might not have done anything, but who knows what might’ve happened if i didn’t show up at the right time. I know you know that, and I also know that you’re going to have overwhelming anxiety about getting into a taxi, by yourself, at night. I’m not willing to let you do that whilst you’re also drunk and vulnerable. What kind of person would that make me if I didn’t care?” He said, raising his voice. He began to walk away from you, making his way out of the kitchen.

You rushed over to him, grabbing his hand to pull him back into the kitchen, “Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, I guess I’m just used to keeping my guard up around you.” You apologised, looking up at him. You realised you were still holding his hand, so you hesitatingly let go. You’d never really been this close to him, and you weren’t complaining. You studied his features, moving your eyes around his face.

“I know, me too. I’m sorry for shouting, it’s just annoying because I was being nice, and you sort of threw it back in my face.” He said as he did the same to you; studying your features.

You wondered what it would be like to kiss him, or what his calloused hands would feel like against your bare skin, or how he would feel insid- stop. You still hate him. You thought.

He wondered the same about you. He wondered how soft your lips would feel; how you would taste. He was willing to find out. In a moment of boldness, he began to move closer to your lips. He was getting closer, closer, clo-

“Hey guys- wait a minute. Did I just interrupt something?” Josh said as he walked into the kitchen, a smirk beginning to spread on his lips.

You both moved away from each other, not wanting to let on that you were making up with each other; or whatever you were doing. You weren’t really sure what just happened.

“No.” You both spoke at the same time.

“I was just clearing up, and then Jake came in. That’s all. What were you going to say?” You stuttered. You fiddled with your rings again, looking down at your hands.

“Oh. Well, I’m going to bed. I’m staying here tonight by the way, Jake.” He turned around and made his way out of the kitchen and upstairs to the spare room.

You giggled at Josh as you turned round to face jake again. “So, am I staying here, too?” You asked. You felt bad asking, but he was pretty clear on his opinions about you getting a taxi.

“Yeah, if that’s what you want.” He responded. He reached his hand to the back of his neck, playing with his hair. He obviously felt nervous. Or awkward. Probably awkward, you assumed.

“Yeah, thanks. Can I take a shower?” You asked. You felt gross, you always did after drinking. You noticed his eyes move over you, sparking a warm feeling in your belly. You tried to push the feeling away, not prepared or ready to feel this way about him on such short notice.

“Yeah. The bathroom is upstairs, opposite the top of the stairs. The towels are in the cupboard next to it.” He replied whilst pointing upstairs. Neither of you moved, you just started at each other. You were both equally as confused at what happened before Josh interrupted. Was it a moment? Was it not a moment? Who knows.

After a few seconds of painfully awkward silence and staring, you left to go upstairs and take a shower. You found the towels in the cupboard that Jake mentioned, and turned the shower on. You adjusted the temperature so that it was a little warmer, and peeled off your dress. It felt good to get it off of you; you never found tight dresses as the most comfortable option.

You tied your hair up in a bun after seeing the stingy amount of options for shampoo. You also didn’t fancy sleeping in wet hair. You stepped in and immediately relaxed at the feeling of the water hitting your back, making every effort to not get your hair wet. You took your time washing yourself, not wanting to leave the warmth of the shower. Your mind wondered to Jake. You’d always thought he was attractive, but you were never attracted to him. Probably because he was never nice to you. But after tonight, after seeing the caring side you’d only ever observed, you felt differently about him. It was hard to dislike him as much when you had been on the receiving end of his selflessness and kindness. You wondered what this meant for your relationship with him. Were you still enemies? Or were you walking into new territory with him? You weren’t sure.

Eventually, you decided to get out and began drying yourself. You wrapped the towel around you and tried to find Jake to ask where you would be sleeping, and if he had any clothes for you to wear. Both questions which should’ve been asked before you got in the shower, you realised. You found him in his bedroom, sitting on the edge of his bed in just his trousers. You’d never seen him shirtless, and you’d never say no to seeing it again; that’s for sure.

You knocked gently on the door despite it being open, to let him know of your presence. He looked up and raked his eyes down your figure. You felt exposed.

“Hey. I was just wondering if you had anything for me to wear, and where I was sleeping?” You asked, speaking gently to not wake Josh up.

“Uh, yeah. You can sleep in here, if that’s okay with you. I’ll find you some clothes to wear, just give me a second.” He said, getting up from his bed and making his way to the chest of drawers to find some clothes for you.

“But where will you sleep?” You asked, feeling confused as you watched him dig through his clothes.

“On the couch downstairs. Here, you can wear this top. You can wear these pyjama bottoms if you want, but they’re a little big on me, so they’ll probably be big on you, too.” He muttered as he handed the pile of clothes to you. Your hands brushed together, the small amount of contact bringing back the warm feeling in your stomach. Stop. You thought.

“No, I’ll take the couch. I can sleep anywhere, it’s okay.” You responded, moving your hand to the top of your towel to stop it from slipping.

“Honestly, just take the bed. Take it as my formal apology for the last however many years of shit.” He smirked, attempting to make a joke out of the ‘however many years’ of torture.

“Oh, we’re apologising now?” You countered, returning his smirk.

“I think it’s about time, don’t you? Anyway, it’s your turn now. I just made my apology.” He said as he moved closer to you, leaning on the doorframe.

“Not to erase all of our progress, but that was not a very good apology.” You argued. God, he looked good without a shirt. You thought.

“I think it was a great apology. I’m offering you to sleep in a nice, warm, comfortable bed.” He retorted, gesturing to the bed behind him.

You shook your head and laughed. “It didn’t even include the word “sorry”, Jake.”

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry, y/n. Better?” He said, still sporting the same smirk.

You wanted to kiss him. You’d been trying to ignore this fleeting thought since you were in the kitchen together, but it was becoming insufferable. You squeezed your legs together at the sheer thought of him touching you.

“Better.” You responded, “I’m sorry, too. Truly.” You said, setting the tone to something more serious than before. You had less of an issue apologising to him now that he had initiated it, but you were so ready for this battle to be over between you.

He stared at you, not really knowing where to go from here. He also really wanted to kiss you; he thought you looked good in only a towel, and imagined how easy it would be to remove it. He imagined how you’d look underneath it, having to stop himself from finding out. He could see the swell of your breasts under the towel and felt himself starting to get hard. He saw your eyes flick down to his lips and linger there, before moving back up to his eyes. Does she want this, too? He thought. He took this as a signal that you felt the same and leaned in, capturing your lips in a gentle, yet passionate kiss.

You were in shock. You had been wanting this, but you did not realise he wanted it, too. You leaned into the kiss, feeding your hands into his hair. You tugged it at the roots slightly, earning a little groan from Jake in response. This felt so wrong; but it made sense. You wondered if all of your friends were right; maybe it was just built up sexual tension.

His hands moved round your waist, squeezing at your skin. His tongue swiped against your bottom lip begging for entrance, which you granted. You moaned into his mouth at the feeling and grabbed his arms, pulling him impossibly closer to you. You needed him, and he needed you just as much. You felt his hard-on press against your lower stomach. You could feel yourself getting wet at the thought of him inside of you, and reached your hand down and palmed him through his trousers. He sucked in a breath and pulled away, “Stop. Are you sure you want this?” He asked with concern and desperation written all over his face, pushing you away from him slightly.

“Yes, Jake.” You whined. You didn’t mean for it to come out like that; you were aiming for a steadier, firmer tone, but you found it hard to care, It’s not like you weren’t getting a little impatient.

He leaned back in, kissing you with more passion than before. He moved his hands to the top of the towel, silently asking you to take it off. You obliged, taking your hands away from his neck and unravelled it, letting it slide down your body.

He moved his eyes over your body, groaning at the site of you. “Fuck, you look so pretty.” He muttered, pulling you back into him and kissing you again.

You moved your hands to his belt a second time, undoing the buckle and chucking it on the floor. You undid the buttons and he slid them off, stepping out of them and kicking them out of the way. You saw his growing bulge through his boxers; you wouldn’t be lying if you said your mouth started watering at the sight. You wanted to taste him.

So you did just that. You got down on your knees, using his thighs as an anchor to ensure you didn’t keel over; that would be embarrassing. He looked down at you, his jaw slack and his hair draped around his face. He took his hand and gently cupped your cheek, slowly guiding your head forward. “You want a taste, baby?” He whispered, stroking your cheek with his thumb. You nodded your head yes whilst you took your hands to the tops of his boxers, he stopped you. Again.

“Words.” He demanded, tightening his grip on your jaw.

“Yes, I wanna taste you.” You muttered, still gripping his boxers.

He nodded, giving you permission to carry on. You slid his boxers down, revealing his hard cock. There was pre cum dripping out of the head, and you swear you almost started dribbling at the sight.

You leaned forward, his hand still pressed against your face, and licked up the side. He took in a sharp breath and closed his eyes, moving his hand so that he could grip your hair.

You took the head into your mouth, sucking gently. You wanted to tease him. You moved down slowly, hollowing your cheeks ever so slightly. “Ah, fuck. Don’t tease.” He uttered. His breathing was starting to get irregular as you continued down his length.

He was getting impatient. He needed to be inside of you, and you were taking too long. He moved his hand to the back of your head, edging you forward and testing the waters. You hummed around his cock, giving him approval.

He moved your head forward, forcing you to take almost all of him into your mouth. He was huge; to say the least. You hollowed your cheeks as much as you could as he created a rhythm for you. You moved your hand from his thigh to the base of his cock, jerking him off slowly as you took the rest of him in your mouth.

He hit the back of your throat and you gagged around him. His hand faltered as he threw his head back, “Jesus, y/n.” He growled, pulling your hair harshly. You could start to feel him pulsing in your mouth, and you knew he was getting close. He was panting, at this point. His hair was sticking to his face and his jaw was slack. He looked hot, and the need you’ve been feeling for him has just increased by an obscene amount.

Almost as if he could sense your increasing desire, he pulled you off of him. “I nearly couldn’t stop myself.” He admitted sheepishly whilst he helped you off of your knees, bringing you in for another kiss. He could taste himself on your tongue; he could’ve come if he carried on, the images of you on your knees flooding his head.

“Get on the bed.” He uttered, unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it onto the floor. You obliged, swaying your hips as you walked over to the bed.

He joined you on the bed and pushed your legs further apart, “Now it’s my turn to taste you. You want me to taste how sweet you are, honey?” He whispered as he placed soft kisses around your dripping cunt.

You moaned at the sheer thought of his mouth on you, “Yes, please.” You whined, moving your legs further apart as a way to prompt him.

He liked a stripe down you, causing your hips to buck into his mouth at the sudden sensation. You grabbed his hair in your hands, tugging slightly. “Eager, are we? I’ve barely even touched you.” He taunted, smirking to himself at the thought of getting you so worked up.

Your cheeks turned a crimson colour from embarrassment. “Please, do something. I need you.” You pleaded. It was getting too much now; you just needed something, badly.

“Be patient.” He muttered into you, pressing his mouth against you again. He circled your clit with his tongue, and with no warning, pushed his fingers into you; setting a relentless pace. The noise you made was inhuman, and as a reminder of the sleeping beauty next door, Jake smacked his hand on your thigh. Your hand flew to your mouth in an attempt to hide the noises coming from you.

The rate at which he was pumping his calloused fingers was sending you to the edge at an embarrassing pace; he could feel you squeezing his fingers, “You gonna come for me, pretty girl?” He asked, somehow pumping his fingers even faster than before.

He sucked on your clit, and you couldn’t take it anymore. You were trying to speak, but you were sure your words were incoherent. Your orgasm was imminent; you were bucking your hips, desperate to come. His fingers hit a particular spot within you, and a wave of pleasure crashed into you full force. You were chanting his name like a mantra, though you were sure it made no sense. He took his fingers out of you and began lapping you up, striving to collect every little bit of your orgasm on his tongue. “So sweet.” He groaned.

You tried to push his head away; but he was stronger than you and carried on. “Can you give me another one? I know you can, sweet girl.” He prompted, pushing his fingers back inside of you and, yet again, setting a relentless pace.

“I need you, Jake.” You begged, still trying to pry his head away from yourself. You threw your head back into the pillows as the slight pain of overstimulated faded, being replaced with pleasure. “God, Jake.” You moaned.

“You gonna come around my fingers again, hm?” He taunted, placing his mouth back on your clit straight away.

“Fuck! Yes, yes, yes.” You whimpered, feeling your second orgasm approach quicker by the second.

“See? I knew you could do it for me.” He remarked, “C’mon, sweet girl. You can do it. Just one more and then you can have my cock, yeah?”

His words of encouragement egged you on, and you pulled at his hair in an attempt to bring him even closer. He groaned into you; the vibrations sending you over the edge. You threw your head back, squeezing your eyes shut. You were beginning to wonder why you hadn’t listened to your friends because you did not want to wait any longer for him, and you were already half way there.

He pulled his head away, and slowed down the pace of his fingers, slowly working you through your high. He climbed on top of you, and the cold metal of his necklaces touching your chest sent a chill down your body.

You leaned in, starting a heated kiss with him. You couldn’t get enough of him; eager to feel him inside of you. He moved down to your chest, taking your nipple into his mouth and sucking harshly. You arched your back into him, “Please, Jake. Please, I need you so badly.” You cried, wrapping your legs around his waist.

You moved your hand down to his cock and stroked him softly, “you want my cock, baby?” He uttered, trying to conceal the groan he let out from such a delicate touch.

“I can’t take it any longer, I need you, Jake.” You demanded, quickening your pace on his hard cock. He could’ve come right there and then; the combination of your touch and your shameless begging making it hard to control himself. It was painful, and he wondered how he didn’t just fuck you up against the wall the second you removed the towel.

He removed your hand, replacing them with his own, giving himself a few languid strokes before guiding it to your entrance. “You sure about this?” He asked, his tone switching from demanding to concerned.

“Jake, if you don’t fuck me right now, I might go insane.” You stated, looking up at him with pure desperation. You genuinely thought you were going to combust with how impatient you were getting.

He needed no further confirmation, and thrusted into you. You yelped at the feeling of him; the burning sensation from his cock stretching you out catching you off guard.

“Shit, y/n. You feel so good. So ready for me.” He panted, setting an unforgiving pace. His thrusts were deep, and reached all the right places.

You wrapped your arm around his back and dug your nails into him, needing something to grip onto. He groaned at the feeling, gripping the sheets beneath him. You could feel yourself getting closer already, and so could he, “Are you close? I can feel you- fuck, I can feel you squeezing me.” He groaned into your neck, “I wont last much longer if you keep doing that.” He moaned as he started to suck on your neck, leaving reminders of tonight for tomorrow.

You tried to respond, but the immense pleasure you were feeling caused your mind to go blank. You were trying to hold your orgasm off; not wanting this to end, but to no avail, your third orgasm came crashing down. You dragged your hands down jakes back, most definitely leaving scratches for him to discover tomorrow. He fucked you through your high; not faltering once, whilst whispering sweet words of encouragement into your ear, “you’re doing so good for me, baby.”

You came down from your high, feeling utterly fucked out. “Can you do one more for me? I know you can- fuck, just one more, please?” He said, his steady facade slipping in an instant.

“Jake, I can’t. It hurts.” You pleaded. On one hand, you never wanted this to end. But on the other hand, you were exhausted and the overstimulation hurt.

He moved his hand down to your clit, circling his fingers around it quickly. “You said that last time, and you did. Stop being pathetic.” He growled, leaning his head into your chest to start sucking on your nipple.

Pain turned into pleasure; as usual, and your fourth orgasm was fast approaching. “You can do it, please do it.” He begged, his hips faltering as he tried to hold off his orgasm. “I need to feel you come around my cock.” He pleaded, quickening his fingers which were circling your sensitive clit.

He toyed with your clit faster, silently pleading with you to hurry up.

It worked.

Although not as intense as the last three, you were still sure you were sent to some other dimension as your fourth orgasm hit you. You could feel jakes hips faltering as he fucked you through your orgasm, whilst also keenly chasing his own.

“Fuck! I’m gonna come, y/n. Where do you want it?” He asked, his face screwed up and seconds away from coming.

“Inside! Please, I wanna feel you fill me up.” You urged as he tucked his head into the crook of your neck.

His hips stopped, and he let out a guttural moan that you wish you could play on repeat. You pulled his head away from your neck, trying to see his face as his come filled you up. His hair was stuck to his face with sweat, and his cheeks were a crimson red.

He collapsed on top of you, his heavy breaths heating you up even more. You brushed his hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ears, wanting to see his fucked out face.

He rolled off of you and got up to the bathroom, leaving you on your own to reflect on what just happened. When he came back, he had a wash cloth and kneeled beside you to clean you up. “You okay?” He questioned gently, stroking the outside of your thigh.

“Yeah. Just tired, is all.” You replied, smiling at him. He thought you looked cute; sprawled out on his bed looking all fucked out and tired.

He discarded the cloth and came to lay next to you, pulling you into his chest. You wrapped your leg around his waist, and absentmindedly started to draw patterns on his bare chest.

“Thank you. For helping me earlier.” You mentioned quietly. You felt bad. Now that you had seen, first hand, just how caring he is, you felt bad for the way you had previously treated him.

“Look, y/n,” he sighed, “I’m not a bad person. I know we haven’t gotten along for some time now, but it doesn’t feel good to think that you assumed I’d ever leave someone to fend for themselves in that type of situation; or any type of bad situation. I personally think I just adequately apologised by making you come four times, but I think you’d disagree. So, I’m sorry, y/n. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you, and for all of the comments I’ve made towards you. I’ll be honest, I’ve seen the way you are towards others; the real you, and I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be on the receiving end of that. Now I know that you’re a great person, and always have been.” He confessed, stroking your hair softly. You were overwhelmed, to say the least. You never expected to make up with Jake so fast; let alone going from hating him, to having sex with him, all in one night.

“I’m sorry, too. I know, and knew, you weren’t a bad person. If we’re sharing secrets now, I’ve wanted to make it up to you for a while, but I was too stubborn. I would agree that you adequately apologised, but hearing you say the words made it a lot better. The best apology I’ve ever received, if you will.” You giggled softly, admiring his face. He always thought you were attractive, but seeing you in this knew light made it different for him. He wasn’t just attracted to the way you looked anymore, but you as a person, too.

You wondered what this meant for both of you. You knew you at least liked each other now, but you wanted to know him. The small taste of the real Jake you had gotten tonight was simply not enough.

“What does this mean for us? Are we friends now?” He queried, a frown appearing on his face.

“I’m not sure. Why don’t you take me out to dinner and we can find out?” You countered, your heart rate increasing at your sudden boldness. He stopped stroking your hair and looked at you with a grin.

“Deal.” He agreed, leaning down to press a gentle kiss on your lips. You pulled away, nuzzling your head into his chest with a giddy smile plastered on your face.

[phenomenalgirl9]

Jungkook x Reader: Lost You

Summary: You've always been in love with him, but today you were done waiting for him, to see you, to understand you. You were finally done with Jeon Jungkook.

Wc: 1.9k

A/n: I tried something new idk how it is. I'm almost nervous to post it. But who cares 😶‍🌫️. Anyway Chan and Jimin were spotted in a restaurant in comfy clothes and I'm digging that!

⚠️: Its kinda sad (?!), Jungkook is a douche bag, a little suggestive.

_____________________________________

You kept calling him but no use, his phone was switched off. He should have been here 3 hours ago. You hoped, he was in a business meeting as he told you when you asked him to come home by 6 and he said he'd be home by 7 as he had a meeting. 

You still remember the first day you met him, back when you were both 10 in one of your dad's fancy parties. "His father is important to the company, they are new in town, go play with him and be friends. Ok, Y/n?" Your mother had told you with a sweet smile on her face as you nodded. And the rest was history. Considering your circle mostly considered if the children of the other directors and business partners he fit in with all of you well. 

15 more minutes passed, and you could only worry more, you walked to the kitchen to get some water and placed your phone and whatever you had in your hand on the counter and get a glass of water, mid way of drinking it you heard the sound of your door open and close and you rushed to see. 

"Jungkook?" You called out his name and he looked at you wide eyes like a doe caught in headlights, an expression floated on his face which looked like remembrance. 

"You were with her weren't you?" The question flew from your mouth before you could filter it and you found that look filled with guilt on his face. You scoffed and folded your hands and started to walk off to your shared room when he said. 

"Why are you like this? She needed me okay!" Jungkook said. "What about me Jungkook? I, your girlfriend, needed you! And you went off with Minji" you said in frustration. "Don't say as if I was sleeping with her. She's still my good friend" he argued and you walked to the kitchen to grab your belongings and stepped inside the room he and you shared. 

You slid down to the ground as you closed the door. You still remember that day she walked into your life, Seo Minji. 

It was when you were 15. 

"Hey, isn't that the new kid?" Mingyu asked and you nodded. "Aw she's sitting alone" Jihyo said frowning, "Y/n go invite her here" Chan said, elbowing you. "Why me?" You asked, not like you were opposed to this aspect but you were simply curious. "You're good at this. I'm saying from experience" Jungkook said flashing his bunny smile, the smile that made your heart skip a beat, you would have done anything for that smile.

And you did, you invited Minji to your table, soon you found out her father actually worked for your father. "I feel strange sitting among you guys,I don't think I fit in" she said shyly. "Bullshit, we're all people" you daid ensuring her, "Yeah, there's nothing much different between you and us, welcome to our group" Jungkook said, flashing that sane smile at here.

It was truly where it all had started, Minji trying to get the boys in her clutches. She thought you and Jihyo didn't notice her accidental touches or her kawai and weak acts in front of them. While Chan could see through them, Mingyu and Jungkook never did. 

"Why didn't you two speak up when we were trying to get Mr Kim to invite Minji to the party?" Jungkook asked and Mingyu shook his head. You tightened your fist as Chan held it to ease you up. "She'd feel out of place," Jihyo tried to reason. The truth is you didn't want her to engage further with your circle. She already got Jungkook and Migyu to get her everything she might want. You watched as she used those two as her personal atm, a bat of her eyelashes and she had the 

"Gucci bag she wanted but couldn't get as she had to buy her grandmother's medicine" 

"Prada shoes cause she was sad her (nonexistent) fish died" 

You three tried to show them the real deal, but they refused as Minji never asked, they were willing to give her because she "deserved to be happy too". 

You smiled at yourself as you heard a knock on the door. "Babe, seriously why are you angry? I swear nothing happened, we just talked, Mingyu has been ignoring Minji and she felt alone, so she just needed someone to talk to and have a glass of wine with" He said. This always happened, One call and Jungkook would go running to her. 

You remember when you were 18, and your father and Jungkook's father declared that you and Jungkook would be engaged. You couldn't help your smile, you would be wed to your best friend to the person you fell for all those years ago. You were happy that now you could help him see reason, help him come out of Minji's clutches. But one look at his face, and you felt all your feelings drain away, his face was filled with disdain and he walked away. He didn't even consider that you could be the one for him for once. Did you expect something else? Did you expect he'll come happily to you and agree to this, you idiot. 

But, how could you? You lived to look into his doe eyes that shone bright, not for you, for Minji. You lived for that toothy smile that went brighter when Minji was there. No, they never were in a relationship, rather she never came into a relationship with either Jungkook or Mingyu. 

You still remember that day when you were 21, you had just graduated and were at your father's (soon to be yours) office working on some designs about a deal with your assitant Jimin and your now business associates Bangchan and Jungkook. No you two still spoke, you all were still friends and he acted like that evening never occured like he never broke your heart and crushed it into pieces. You remember Mingyu rushing into your cabin and hugging you tightly cheering "She said yes! She said yes! Minji said yes". You were stunned for a moment, you all were. "To what?" Chan managed to ask the man who was happy beyond bounds. "To marry me!" He said, "I'll go home, I just came to tell as I knew most of you are here, I've texted Jihyo, now I gotta tell my parents!" He said with his bright smile. "Congratulations" Jimin said to the departing man, who screamed a "thank you". All of your eyes shifted to Jungkook, his face motionless, teeth gritted, his fist so tight that his knuckles were turning white, a single tear left his eye. You shouldn't but you felt like your heart ached seeing him and you realised how down bad you were still for Jeon Jungkook. "Can you guys complete the rest without me? I'll just sign it" he asked. "Yeah, sure" you said and he walked away. The next day Jihyo had called you and told you, "of course she's marrying Mingyu, he's the heir, the elder child, Jungkook is second to his brother. How is he holding up?" You gave the exact words that you told Chan earlier that day "i don't know". The truth being, he never even read your texts, you didn't have the courage to meet him. 

You sighed at the banging sound from across the door. "If you need something tell me, if not please go to the other room". "Can you open the door once Y/n please. Please" he pleaded "Go away Jungkook please" you said, you wished you had said that to him that day two years ago. 3 days after Mingyu's proposal to Minji, you found Jungkook at your door, "can I come in" he had asked you in a broken voice. Your heart broke with his, you couldn't bear to see him like that. He came in to hug you, and you patted your head. 

"She loves him, I have to accept that. I don't know how you do it Y/n" he said, and your eyes went wide, tears stung them. "How do you even bear to look at my face much less comfort me after all I've done. How do you look beyond your feelings?" He asked. "Since when have you known?" You asked. "Since 3 days ago, when I saw the hurt in your eyes and realised how you have always been there." He said holding onto your cheek. Your brain told you to pull away, to push him away, to throw him out of the room, when his face inched closer to yours. You knew what he's doing, yet you didn't pay heed to the voice in your head. You focused on the doe eyes that looked into yours deep. Those arms that slid around your waist and pulled you close. You chose to focus on those lips that were attached to yours. You had thought, maybe this time he chose you, maybe this is it for you two. And it was, for the next few months. 

Jungkook and you walked hand in hand and stood beside Jimin and Chan along with Jihyo, on Mingyu and Minji's wedding day. Gyuji marriage was the talk of the town and things were finally looking up. Until 3 months into the wedding and you all were in the same party and seemingly Jungkook and Minji caught up, "you are still my best friend" Minji had told him, you tried your best not to drain a flute of wine on her. You didn't really mind much, ge did come back to you. He did love you. Things weren't so bad a few missed dates were seen and apologized and managed up until he missed your 2nd anniversary date and then your birthday. Once because Minji was sick and Mingyu was out of town and other because he mixed up the date after he had drunk a lot the day before with Minji and got absorbed at work.

But today was your last straw, you were done waiting around for him. You were done waiting for him to see you beneath Minji's shadow. You were done crying for him. You were done with him. So you texted Chan and Jimin, asking if their spare room was empty and if you could crash for sometime. Hence, you packed a small bag, took your phone and wallet and left the apartment. "Y/n! Y/n no. Please don't leave me over this. I'll be more attentive and careful. Y/n please." He pleaded. You might have stopped if this would have been any other day, but not today. Cause today you were done with Jeon Jungkook and the bullshit that comes with him.

_____________________________________

You don't stop, he lost you. He really lost you. He walks into the room you used to share. He found a book on the floor near the bed and a white and blue strip inside it. Jungkook was familiar with this strip or well, device, his eyes shifted to the words that were written on the little screen, 'positive'. "FUCK FUCK FUCK" Jungkook cursed as he felt like tearing off his hair, he did this to himself. 

Part 2: I loved you so bad

Masterlist

Taglist: @bbl32 @back2bluesidex (for a sec I couldn't find you 🤣) @cherryblossom-2004

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 12/8

@williamjakespeare asked: One of the recent posts concludes that the circumstances around Vriska's god tiering were "so much worse than anything I thought was going to happen" and I'm curious. What exactly did you think was going to happen?

Back before I knew how God Tier ascension worked, my theory was that Vriska's Quest Bed might grant her access to a special dream moon, and that Tavros's presence there might throw some sort of spanner into the works. I wasn't sure what kind of spanner, and my theories were very vague.

Vriska's a huge taskmaster, and I thought she might have given him an instruction that he was unwilling or unable to carry out. Like, maybe she told him to leave her God Tier Moon, and he was unwilling to abandon her to a fate he didn't understand.

I guess I was right. In the end, she did give him an instruction he couldn't carry out.

Anonymous asked: For the kid who was the most vocal about her 'distaste' for their guardian, having Mom be the reason that Rose snaps is actually very sweet, in a sad way. ~DJ

The above line from Rose implies that she had a lot more affection for her mother than she was letting on.

Their relationship was complicated, but if Rose viewed her as a sister, I think there had to have been some camaraderie between the two. We just never saw it on-panel, because the narrative began on the most stressful day of Mom Lalonde's life.

@elkian asked: So, fun fact about that time John joked about rescuing Rose from the Broodfesther Throes and you were going "yes it's a joke BUT IT'S ALSO SERIOUS JOHN!!!": Hussie's author note for that page is almost verbatim your reaction. Homestuck is as serious as it is silly and typically both at once.

Every time Hussie and I share the same thought, a subtle chill runs down my spine.

@gl1tchypyr0 asked: In regards to the thing about LOWAA potentially corrupting Eridan, itd be a little smart to remember what Sollux said in his conversation with Terezi about a prophet has to go blind to earn their stripes or how an angel earns its wings, Sollux states that 'angels are terrible feathery demons that paradox space uses to usher in the end' and Eridan was actually killing them even if he wasn't Supposed to. If you really think about it I actually kinda find it sad? If he was already a troubled individual Before Sgrub and then was on a planet of 'terrible feathery demons' that whisper prophecies in his earfins for an entire month that he was made to feel he Had to kill, honestly it makes me nervous imagining just how many doomed timelines there are where Eridan snapped far earlier. Not to mention the fact he's also on the Blue Team ie Derse players ie most susceptible to waking up in his sleep and seeing tentacles and eyeballs staring back at him (not that he wouldn't be /used to that/ back on alternia with his job of feeding glybgolyb so Feferi wouldn't have to). Not really defending eridan but just, food for thought kinda? About how LOWAA might have affected him enough for Doc Scratch to bring up such a hypothetical. The idea that Eridan was already pretty bad before the inevitable Sgrub trauma and then LOWAA made thinks /worse/.

Oh, don't get it twisted - Eridan's just as much of tragedy as any of the other trolls. He's certainly written to be less sympathetic, but he didn't deserve to be raised in the Alternian Empire. Just like Vriska and Equius, he could have been a much better person, if only he was raised in a less violent and oppressive culture.

Of course, he could still be an asshole if he was born on Earth - but at least he'd have a chance to be better. Alternia stacks the deck against you in ways that simply aren't fair.

@galaxa-13 asked: It is very satisfying watching you pick apart everything Doc Scratch says without playing his game. Rose wishes she could, but unfortunately she is a child and not as smart as she pretends to be. Usually it's fun to watch people theorize because of what they don't know, so it's extra fun when someone as smart as you doesn't have the pieces I already do. Just chortling to myself, "Oh ho ho, just you wait!" @elkian asked: I may have sent this before but I ADORE your Doc Scratch dissertations. What few liveblogs (and fandom during/after the run) I've followed have other strengths and focuses, so these moments where you stop everything to shred his dialogue to see if fhere's even a GRAIN of truth are novel and absolutely fascinating. I think you've done the most thorough analyses of any 1 of his convos let alone all of them and I'm here for it. Rip that shady motherfucker apart! :D

Despite myself, I am enjoying puzzling out the true meaning of what he says. I've just got to remember that he is fully capable of lying.

I do think, on balance, that there is some hidden meaning to his words - it's just hard to find. His '50% chance of ascending' statement is definitely foreshadowing something, I just can't figure out what. I think it has something to do with the reboot session, but I'm waiting to learn more about the reboot before I really start theorizing about it.

Anonymous asked: In case the 7 Gates haven’t been fully explained yet — the Gates over a player’s house are all either entry (transport to somewhere on their planet) or exit (destination of a gate on the planet of the previous player in the chain). Using John as example: Build to gate 1, which takes him somewhere on LOWAS. Find gate 2 elsewhere on LOWAS, this will take him to the matching gate over Rose’s house — build up to her gate 3, which will lead to somewhere on LOLAR, then find the planet’s gate 4, etc.

Here's my old interpretation of the Gate system, from way back in Act 4. I'm fully in agreement with you about John's path here - the problem is that when you use it to extrapolate Rose's path, things start to fall apart.

See, this ordering method implies that in a four-player chain, your own Seventh Gate is located on the Land preceding yours, rather than your own. This means that Rose's Seventh Gate is the one that got John killed on LOWAS - the one which leads to his Denizen. It additionally implies that John's Seventh Gate should have been on Jade's Land instead. It's all very confusing.

Anonymous asked: Something I love about how this god-tier immortality system is described, however it works, is that "remaining neutral" will PROBABLY keep you alive… but when you think about it, remaining neutral means not making a REAL DIFFERENCE. As a God, if you want to make a difference in the world around you -- good or bad -- you have to be willing to stake your life on it.

True! It's an interesting balancing mechanism, where each God Tier has to decide whether their life is more valuable than their personal agency. Gods who avoid Heroic and Just situations are almost invincible, but they're also completely ineffectual.

I'd obviously try to game the system somehow, but the vague, subjective definitions of Heroic and Just make this a difficult system to game.

@spyril4132 asked: with the reveal of the heroic-just system, there's now a reason you might not want to god tier immediately: sacrificing one of your selves for a heroic cause and then doing what aradia did (but intentionally)

Good point. Although, I'm not sure I'd want to rely on the Quest Slab for my resurrection - at least, not yet. We don't really know the rules are, and how they differ from normal Quest Bed rules.

Anonymous asked: "I don't really care if Paradox Space sanctions his actions - he needs to be taken down, and if that upsets the natural order, then it's time for a new natural order." i think you for sure lean more lifeways on the life/doom player axis lol. oh, the laws of the multiverse say death is inevitable? well, that fucking sucks and i hate it, so i'm gonna wedge myself into the cracks and loopholes and *make* it evitable one day at a goddamn time, life finds a way motherfucker.

Life finds a way, motherfucker!

I actually find both Life and Doom fairly interesting, as Aspects go. I think, at this point, I'm committed to giving one to my kidsona, and the other to my trollsona.

If another Aspect ends up catching my eye, we'll have to start workshopping a Carapaciansona!

Anonymous asked: I think you got it kinda twisted what's going on with Rose. Yes she is slightly corrupted by the Horrorterrors powers/boons and Scratch's… Sheer Existence. But in her mind, she's doing this to Save her session, so if she does go God Tier and gets killed, her death wouldn't be Just, it would probably be Heroic. As she probably would've died tryong to save her session, which would cancel out the corruption from Scratch and Horrorterrors. Either way she still dies, but it's the difference in Why she dies that's important. […]

See, this is the whole problem, isn't it? These terms are incredibly subjective.

I personally think Rose's attempt to save her session is extremely Heroic - but Skaia couldn't possibly approve of her assault on the game, so I don't think it would cancel out her Horrorterror corruption. Sburb itself is probably the last word on what qualifies as a Just death, so I think that's what she'd get tagged as, if she died as a God Tier in the Green Sun's explosion.

I'm also not sure if getting tagged as Heroic would cancel out a Just tag. They're not necessarily opposites - Vriska, for example, is designed to have a controversial alignment, and could easily die in a way that counts as both.

@ben-guy asked: Small correction, you referred to the Alternian empire as "intergalactic" when it only exists within one galaxy as far as I'm aware. Yes, kind of a silly nitpick, and one that I could be wrong about, but I happen to enjoy thinking about the comparative scale of space faring societies lol. If there is a quote contradicting that, I'd like to see it! Pretty sure it's merely a galactic empire tho :)

Nah, that's fair - that's the kind of nitpick I'd point out, too.

Galaxy, singular. I think I parsed the Empire as intergalactic because massively faster-than-light travel is clearly possible in this setting, via time manipulation. We don't actually know if Alternia had access to time manipulation before Sgrub - but Earth seemingly did, so who knows?

@abacusdictator asked: Found your liveblog a few days ago and furiously binged it. Happy to find another Homestuck liveblog! Especially one I can see happen in-progress! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

Thanks - and you're certainly coming in at an interesting time!

Anonymous asked: Scratch "chooses not to lie," but he also has the privileged position of knowing in advance that Rose will misunderstand what the Scratch is, leading to her doing what he wants. If he knew that not lying wouldn't get him what he wants, or even if he didn't know for certain that it would, would he lie? If so, that basically means it's pointless to try to figure out his true meanings, because if you succeed, he'll have retroactively lied about it anyway.

Yeah, this is pretty much my take.

Does it really matter if he 'doesn't lie' if he can foresee all the truths that will mislead you? When you're playing at his level, the actual truth of your statements barely matters.

@skelekingfeddy asked: to my knowledge this has never been commented on by hussie, but i feel like doc scratch doesnt lie in part because he was made from the cueball. its a fortune telling device that predicts the future with remarkable precision and accuracy. you wouldnt expect it to lie, would you? its just that the difference between scratch and the cueball is that he can pick and choose WHICH truths to reveal at which moments. (his penchant for jokes thus probably comes from cal (‘haa haa hee hee hoo hoo’) i feel like him never lying is also a way to feed his own ego. its a self-imposed(!!!!) restriction, and yet despite it he effortlessly plays everyone like fiddles. and he KNOWS it. he CHOOSES never to lie. he VOLUNTARILY hands the people he manipulates an advantage on a goddamn silver platter, and he STILL wins. ‘Isn't it funny how during our various matches, I can tell you what my moves will be in advance, and still win?’ hes so fucking smug. what a pompous dipshit. i love him Anonymous asked: I think that when Scratch say he don't lie, he mean it, and not because of some vilainous valor but out of sheer ego. Scratch is prideful, he love beating other by "playing with cards face up" and tricking them with exact word, he doesn't tell the truth because it's "honorable", he tell the truth because he doesn't need to lie to win.

Also, this. He's just a smug fuck.

Do we know for sure if the cueball is always truthful, actually? Scratch heavily implies it here, but he's only stating it as a hypothetical.

Anonymous asked: Scratch is like a fae, he doesn't lie but you better watch out how he word what he say.

I'd be so screwed against the fae. Not because I couldn't parse their statements, but because I'm only halfway competent with human social customs, let alone weird alien ones.

@manorinthewoods asked: Honestly, I think it's great for his character if Scratch is actually completely dead of emotion inside, possibly even thoughts, and is just near-mindlessly carrying out the necessary parts of his role in the story so that his desired outcome is achieved. He's omniscient, he doesn't need to think. On the other hand, he does seem to have experienced genuine emotion, on occasions… ~LOSS (24/7/24)

A pseudo-omniscient character, mindlessly following the optimal path to their ultimate goal? This smells suspiciously like a Certified Contessa Moment...

Anonymous asked: In the trolls game all the trolls got to see and speak to their lusi after they died because they put them in the sprites. Meaning Gamzees dad coming back wouldn’t get him sober. Ideally Gamzee would be able to interact with his dad way more then he ever had in the past because his dad now had to guid him as his sprite.

Fair point. Although, we know that prototyping tends to affect your personality, and shifts your priorities towards guiding your Player through the game.

Goatsprite's sprite knowledge might have informed him that Gamzee needed to be on Sopor Slime, or game would become unwinnable.

@heliotropopause asked: "Well, no! That’s the problem! The cueball’s omniscience is completely redundant, because the MEOW code already contains an omniscience gene! According to the Scratch loredump, any ‘intelligent’ host for the MEOW code will be granted near-omniscience. Scratch didn’t need the cueball," I think it's worth considering the what exactly he meant with that- it seems perfectly plausible that the teleportation-based powerset established for bequerel would make an intelligent agent very good at observation, either by physically hopping around, or by teleporting light around to see distant places, or by sending out telekinetic "feelers"; we know bec has the capability to separately manipulate individual objects in physical contact from afar. None of this would give him knowledge of the future, or of physically disjoint spaces like the human session, so the cueball is not at all redundant.

It's possible. See, this is another situation where we're really being hampered by our small sample size. We've only seen two First Guardians, and only one of them has been a 'standard' First Guardian, unaltered by HONK. As such, we don't really know how First Guardian clairvoyance is supposed to function.

Another Guardian with human-level intelligence is desperately needed, for science. It's almost enough to make me want the Scratched Guardian of Earth to be made from a human...

@manorinthewoods asked: As an alternative explanation for the double-omniscience problem, one could say that the cueball, in being used to create Scratch, retroactively and conceptually gained his omniscience - so effectively, any use of a cueball allows you to attune to Scratch's awareness (as long as he's alive, perhaps?). This would subsequently imply that First Guardians are all linked to their components - for instance, there would be some link between Bec and all dogs, or specifically Halley. ~LOSS (23/7/24)

As this ask points out, I might just be drawing the causal arrows in the wrong direction. If the cueball is omniscient because of Scratch, rather than the other way round, then there's really only one root cause for his clairvoyance.

I'm not sure why it would work like that, but I do like the idea of Colonel Sassacre running around the early 1900s with a suspiciously powerful dog.

@manorinthewoods asked: The link between 'Skaia's final gate of defense' and 'first to find Alternia' is something I just didn't notice (because I didn't really pay attention to the words and botched my experience by not watching the Flashes), but it would imply, to me, that the gates run in reverse order, Skaia to World - first meteor in, last meteor out. This would mean that the moon which dropped on Jade was the last meteor to hit […]Skaia. ~LOSS (23/7/24)

Hey, good catch!

Jade's meteor was the last to arrive on Earth. By this logic, wouldn't it have been the first thing to leave the session, rather than the last?

That makes a sort of sense, actually. A meteor this enormous would dwarf the entire Incipisphere, so the game would probably want it out of the picture as soon as possible.

@manorinthewoods asked: You seem to have run with the interpretation that all First Guardians run on the same fundamental genetic code, identical to MEOW but using different letters. Not really how I thought of it - I interpret that every FG's code is different, although I also didn't think too hard about the FGs. No reason that they'd necessarily all have to have the same genetic code - after all, Bec's a dog and Scratch's a Scratch. You'd only really need a single gene to code for Green Sun powers… ~LOSS (23/7/24)

It does say they share a genetic sequence, rather than an entire genome. Becquerel presumably contains some dog DNA - the 'host' - which is absent in Scratch, so their genome can't be identical.

Unlike Becquerel, Scratch's hosts were entirely synthetic. They didn't have DNA - which, to me, implies that his entire genome is just an amalgamation of the BR8K H34DS T1CK T0CK HONK sequences. His DNA is just the First Guardian sequence, plus whatever is in HONK.

...what the hell is in HONK, then? If it's DNA, it has to come from some living thing, and I have a horrible feeling that Gamzee spliced his own DNA into the sequence. Why else would he call it HONK?

@skelekingfeddy asked: ‘…the fucking bow-tie! He’s wearing Cal’s Alternian clothes! The proof’s been staring us in the face this entire time, and we were none the wiser!’ look at what regular cal is wearing underneath his blue ‘CAL’ shirt :)

My guy's been pulling the long con.

@morganwick asked: "#but now that i have an antimatter pellet I can feed it to my bees. they can create nuclear waste honey without all the fission rigmarole" Minecraft, Sollux style. (Or maybe Minecraft, Problem Sleuth style?)

Sollux would be a Productive Bees specialist, wouldn't he? That, alongside every computer mod in existence.

@elkian asked: Sorry if I'm the 80th person to mention this but Vriska's 8r8k could also refer to the act of shooting the cue ball at the group of pool balls at the start of a game, known as a "break". @ben-guy asked: Fun fact: In pool terms, the "8r8k" actually refers to the opening shot that sends all the balls flying everywhere. Additional fun fact: The game of pool has a history of being used as a metaphor for causality, which lends some interesting metaphorical weight to Doc Scratch as a cue ball.

Oh, that's true - pool balls are often used as an analogy when talking about causality. Surprising that that's never occurred to me before.

I like to think that when the Felt storm a rival gang's lair as a group, they call their maneuver The Break.

@manorinthewoods asked: Oh my god, Aradia uses Jack to go to the Green Sun. That's such a cool detail. It's so fast, I didn't even see it. To be fair, although the timing is ridiculously impressive, Aradia is both a god and specifically a god of time. Although it's never stated, perfect timing is an obvious power for Time God Tiers to have, which does mean that Aradia would be a half-Flechette. ~LOSS (18/7/24)

And Kanaya's a fashion designer, too. Aradia x Kanaya when?

Anonymous asked: Hey, unfortunately the reqs list link seems to be janked out on my mobile client so I hope this is ok but if you haven't already heard of it I highly highly reccomend Jon Bois' 17776: What Football Will Look Like In the Future It's about football in the same sort of way that homestuck is about video games

Love that story - and I still have to read the sequel, actually!

Anonymous asked: Forwarding another question from the person without a Tumblr account: ~DJ. [I think the change in Equis and Nepeta's behavior is explained by "being together and solving problems together for a long time was great for Equius' and Nepeta's relationship" and "the destruction of Alternia helped Equius realize some facets of Alternian culture he believed where false" (because unlike Eridan he is able to change his mind about stuff like this). - RM]

I really want to see what Equius and Nepeta got up to for a month, as well as all the other trolls. It'd be great to get an 'untold stories of Homestuck' anthology at some point - and hopefully, that's something we'll see in some of Homestuck's tie-in media.

Anonymous asked: I’ve been thinking about Bec prototyping himself and I think I’ve got an answer that works for me - not necessarily the whole answer or the only answer, but I think it’s got something. Basically, Bec knows he can’t / shouldn’t get rid of the meteor entirely (he came down in a meteor that built the frog ruins, so even if we’re just going off what he’s experienced we can say that he probably on some level understands that these meteors landing is important) but he also understands he doesn’t have the type of power or the finesse with that power to only delay it until Jade can take the shot. After all, he could’ve just teleported the living room junk to a different part of the house, but he sent it into deep space because his doggy brain can only deal in absolutes when it comes to perceived danger to his best friend, and the only power we’ve seen First Guardians use (to my recollection) that would in any way help with slowing the meteor is teleportation. He can’t reliably teleport it back only far enough that it will keep falling, but won’t yet land, and he doesn’t have anything else at his disposal - except becoming a sprite, who we’ve seen use beam attacks, which allows Bec to push the meteor back as a delaying measure. Don’t know if he knew it would help so specifically, but even so, I can see Bec understanding it as the only option he has that isn’t either ‘send thing as far away as possible’ or ‘let thing squish most beloved person’. I do think the weakest parts of this theory are What Bec Understands, but puzzling through that devilbeast’s thoughts is hardly a new impossibility. If nothing else, we can all understand that he did this to save Jade, because he loves her, and we love him for that. -Megido (am a new anon, just spent the past couple days catching up and have enjoyed this liveblog immensely)

I think this theory is a good one, and Hussie's comments support it.

The meteor needed to be destroyed in a very specific way for the timeline to retain its integrity, and Bec should instinctively know that, born from Sburb as he is.

Anonymous asked: There are three lenses I think you can view troll romance through: the Xenopsychology lens, the Propaganda lens, and the Parody lens. The Xenopsychology lens is that trolls do in fact experience alien emotions which cannot be felt by humans. It's not just that troll society chooses to categorize the same types of feelings and relationships that humans have differently; these are genuinely unique and original emotions, like a new color that a human couldn't imagine. Describing kismesissitude as hatemance or rivalry or abuse, or moirallegiance as bromance or besties or queer platonic partnership, or auspisticism as third wheeling or mom friending or refereeing are all fundamentally incorrect, because there is no human analogue. You can take this a step further and say that matespritship is also fundamentally different from human romance, even if it appears similar. Therefore all attempts to analyze or write troll romance should be forays into xenofiction, attempting to understand things within a nonhuman framework. The Propaganda lens is that actually troll emotions aren't really any different than human ones, but the quadrant system benefits the hemocasteist militaristic empire by keeping trolls divided enough to become either fucked up killers or submissive victims by the time they reach maturity, but have the minimum support structure needed to actually reach maturity. Kismesissitude is fundamentally unhealthy, auspisticism serves as a counterbalance to keep everyone from killing each other, and moirallegiance serves to prevent trolls from having multiple close friendships or from being fully open with their matesprit by arbitrarily sequestering who it’s appropriate to have certain positive interactions with. None of this is really romance except the one that’s analogous to human romance, but trolls are raised to buy into the system under threat of death. It’s hard to form community and contemplate uprising if everyone confines the meaningful relationships in their life to like 4-5 other people, half of which are based on negative interactions. Also it’s a commentary on how human rules about love and relationships and where the platonic ends and romantic or sexual starts are socially enforced rather than wholly natural and can be arbitrary and unhealthy. Anonymous asked: The Parody lens is that this is all Hussie making fun of fandom shipping tropes. All sufficiently devoted rivalries are actually romantic love. All sufficiently strong friendships are actually romantic love. These two are so hopelessly oblivious to the fact that they actually want to get with the guy they hate, or that the other person they think just wants to be friends actually feels the same way, they need a third party to push them together. (Okay this one doesn’t work because auspisticism seems to basically be the opposite of that? Maybe auspisticism is supposed to be like, contrived elimination of competing romantic options to assure an OTP. Idk if anyone really knows what auspisticism is supposed to be, least of all Hussie.) Also because this was early 2010’s Hussie, there’s maybe a certain level on which trolls being societally obliged to polyamory and bisexuality is also making fun of shippers, although if it was I think Hussie turned around pretty quickly to actually being cool about it. Much like how light is a wave, and a particle, and a ray, all of these are true at different times. This is because the nature of Hussie's writing is that even when things are serious business, they are also jokes. And this is also why the Homestuck fandom will never agree on the correct way to understand and depict the quadrants.

Great breakdown. As you could probably predict, I lean a lot more towards the Propaganda lens, with a healthy dose of Parody mixed in.

The Xenopsychology lens isn't necessarily untrue - it's just that, as I've discussed before, the trolls read as extremely human to me. I honestly believe that if you raised a human on Alternia, they'd probably be compelled to form the same quadrants as everyone else.

I once got an ask stating that, according to Hussie, each of the quadrants are meant to be exaggerated versions of human relationship dynamics. I'd really like to check out that full quote, so if anyone's got a link, send it my way!

[deancaspinefest]

Another Kind of Memory

Author: FriendofCarlotta | Artist: Aggiedoll

Posting on Wednesday March 20

Since a traumatic incident six years ago, Castiel Novak’s face has been disfigured by a scar. He’s resigned himself to being someone people can barely stand to look at, let alone love. Except his heart doesn’t seem to have gotten the message. When Dean Winchester takes over the convenience store down the street from Castiel’s bookshop, Castiel falls helplessly in love with his new neighbor. To make matters worse, Castiel’s sister Anna is also interested in Dean. Believing that Dean could never love him, Castiel decides to help Anna win his heart instead.

Keep reading for a sneak preview!

“Hey,” Dean says. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Just… wanted to say hi.”

“Oh. Hi,” Castiel says, one hand fluttering nervously down his face and across his hair in an attempt to ensure he’s looking presentable. The tips of his fingers catch on the ugly, jagged ridge of his scar, and he remembers that “presentable” stopped being an option six years ago. He clears his throat and arranges his face in the polite mask of a consummate customer service professional. “Anything I can help you find?”

“Um.” Dean looks uncertain now, as though it’s a question he wasn’t expecting — despite the fact that it’s easily the most predictable question one could be asked in a bookshop. “I don’t know. I was just gonna browse, I guess.”

This is the point in a customer interaction where Castiel would usually withdraw, because “I’m just browsing” is universal bookstore code for “leave me the fuck alone.” But Dean doesn’t give any sign of wanting to walk away. Instead, he simply hovers in front of Castiel’s armchair, eyes gliding aimlessly (and somewhat helplessly) across the shelves to his right.

“What sort of things do you like to read?” Castiel finds himself asking, because it’s impossible not to take pity on a grown man who is capable of looking so bashfully lost.

“Anything,” Dean says. One of his hands flies to the back of his neck, rubbing at it. There’s something terribly endearing about the gesture — perhaps the fact that it makes him look like a boy who’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Belatedly, it occurs to Castiel that it’s his turn to speak. His prolonged silence appears to have made Dean nervous, because he’s speaking again, a little too quickly to be altogether natural. “I know that sounds stupid. Like those people who say they like all kinds of music — which I don’t, by the way, just to be clear. Big classic rock fan. Zeppelin, the Stones. Metallica too, which I guess is classic rock these days and fuck, that’s kind of depressing. But, yeah. Anyway. Pretty much anything. Love Vonnegut and Kerouac, but I’ve read just about all their stuff. I’ll read sci-fi, horror, mysteries… actually, I guess I should say I read all kinds of fiction. Non-fiction kinda puts me right to sleep. My brother, Sammy, he’s a big fan though. Crazy about true crime for some reason.” Dean blows out a heavy breath. He abruptly seems to realize he’s scratching at his neck and lowers his arm back down, fingers twitching as if unsure what to do with themselves now. “You probably didn’t need to know all that, huh?”

“No, this is helpful,” Castiel says, getting up. “I’ll show you the layout of the store so you can see which shelves you might be most interested in.”

Somehow, Dean’s shyness makes him feel more at ease. When he first laid eyes on Dean, he thought someone as handsome as Dean must be a smooth and confident conversationalist. But he doesn’t seem to be, and somehow, that makes it easier for Castiel to hold up his own end of the conversation.

Or maybe it’s just that Dean doesn’t know how to talk to someone like Castiel. He wouldn’t be the first one.

(continue reading on Ao3 on Wednesday March 20)

[obsessivestar]

'What If It's All A RomCom?' - a Ted Nivison x Reader.

!! This is Chapter 2! Here's Chapter 1 if you're interested! !!

{{-Story Description: You're a youtuber with a fairly decent following deciding to help your good friend Tanner with a minor film project, with you set as the leading lady. When the actor for the male lead is a no show, Ted takes up the role himself. One problem: This short film's a Rom Com, and you just met the guy.-}}

//18+, Def gonna be some smut. Reader is implied to be afab, under 5'5 and has specifically named friends, all who have no real connection to Ted.

This story will be in multiple chapters. Also gonna post this on Wattpad and Ao3 (when I figure them out LMAO) under the same username: ObsessiveStarla. Hope you enjoy :^)

☆▪︎▪︎▪︎Taglist!▪︎▪︎▪︎☆

☆ @k-k0129 ☆

☆▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎☆

Oh and the gif was made by me!

Word count: 3.4k

Chapter 2: Is It That Sweet?

Ted and I headed out into the open road once more, having to go through a suburb to get to the closest coffee joint. For some reason, I expected the ride to be a quiet one, despite Tanner sending us on this snack run for us to socialize. Truthfully, I'm a little nervous. I know I said I'd be okay with kissing someone, but I knew Conner enough to be comfortable with it. This is different.

"How long did it take you guys to get up here?" Ted breaks the silence with a harmless question, keeping his eyes on the road. I move my eyes in his direction, but I don't look directly at him.

"3...maybe 2 hours?" I answer, making a rough guess. "We left a little later than we wanted to, but we couldn't get ahold of Conner and we had to just go."

"Did you guys call him at all?"

"Straight to voice-mail, like, every hour. Kinda glad you stepped in when you did." I turn my head to Ted as I finish that last sentence, seeing a grin spread along his face.

"I want him to get that A." Ted admitted, referring to Tanner. He half-opens his hands on the wheel as he speaks. "'Haven't known the guy long, but I know this is big for him."

"How do you know him, if I'm good to ask?" I tilt my head a little. I mind as well ask him, Tanner's answer was vague at best. "You don't go to the same college."

"No no no, I graduated years ago, pretty sure he was still in high school when I did." Ted scoffed with a shake of his head. "I met him through Joe."

"And how do you know Joe?"

"OK, this is gonna sound fucking insane, but..." Ted pauses and lingers on the sentence, like he's trying to find the right words.

"He's a friend...of my friend's cousin. We met at his wedding and Joe introduced me to Tanner at his wedding."

I believed him, but was surprised to hear that. I was at Joe's wedding too, I don't recall him being there at all. "You were at Joe's wedding?"

"I didn't stay for the after party, but yes, I was."

"I was there too. I was one of the maids of honor."

"I know. I remember you."

"You remember me?"

"Yeah. That's why I said 'finally'. Joe told me about you at that wedding."

"When???" I was even more confused now.

"When you were almost late!" He laughs, glancing away from the road for a moment to look at me. "Is this an interrogation? You don't trust me now?"

"It could be!" My concern breaks into a smile. "Tanner tells me about this mysterious 'Ted' that's gonna be on set and an hour later, you're practically my hero--our hero, the crew's hero. Now I'm learning we've been in, like, the same plane of existence before but it feels like you've just...spawned in."

"'Just spawned in'?" Ted repeated, still smiling. "I'd like to think I'm just a highly observant man, thank you very much. I remember you."

Now is the moment I realize I had sat up a bit more in my seat, leaning my back against the seat once more with a bewildered expression on my face.

"So--okay." I shut my eyes for a moment, ready to really process all of this information.

"You met Joe through your cousin."

"Cousin's friend, but yes." Ted confirms.

"You met Joe at your cousin's wedding, through his friend."

"Yes."

"Then you went to Joe's wedding."

"Yes."

"You saw me, and you met Tanner at Joe's wedding."

"Yup."

"And that's how you know everybody."

"You-You nailed it. Right on the coffin."

The first thing I do is start laughing, putting my face in my hands. Ted's laughing too, his eyes closing slightly as he does. He takes one of his hands off the steering wheel to run his fingers through his tall hair.

"I fucking told you it sounds insane!" He chuckles, glancing at me again. "I should just start lying and say we met in college, Jesus fucking christ."

"I'm glad you didn't lie! I just--oh my god, why is that so funny?" I wipe my eyes, trying to hold back the urge to continue laughing. I'm such a giggler. I'm the type to want to keep laughing about a joke that was told a good 5 minutes ago. "Why the fuck don't I remember you?"

"I don't fucking know! Maybe--Maybe, yknow, maybe it was just a long fuckin' dream I had and I'm really just lying to you. I don't know."

Ted and I are all smile's now, taking a couple minutes to come down from all the laughing. I don't even quite understand why that was so funny to me. Maybe it was the way he explained it all, or the way I tried reiterating it back to him. It did truly sound crazy, to an extent, but I believed him.

What I almost couldn't believe was that he remembered me. Why would he be able to remember me from the ceremony, but not actually come to meet me like he did Tanner? Tanner wasn't even the groom's best man, he wasn't up there with us. Before I had the thought to ask Ted, we pulled up to a Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru and got in line. Of course, it being the morning and all, there was quite the line-up.

I take my phone out to start getting everyone's order written down in my notes so I can pass the phone to Ted when we're at the speaker. "Have you been on many film sets?" I asked Ted, setting my phone down next to me.

"Oh yeah. I've helped make stuff before. Music videos, other short film's..." Ted, Tanner and I had talked briefly about each other while we were waiting for Conner to get back to us, so we knew about each other's respective channels.

"Is there, uh..." I paused, once again feeling a sense of embarrassment. "What's it all gonna be like? Filming I mean. It's not usually all done in order, right?"

What I was really trying to ask is: 'When are we gonna have to kiss?', but no way am I phrasing it so plainly.

"It all depends on how the director wants to do it." Ted explains, moving up a bit in the lineup. "We only have that set for about 3 weeks, so any scenes that need to be filmed there will have to be done pretty much immediately. Anything that's shot outside will be shot...out there." He pauses with a chuckle. "And then, yknow, everything else is just...after."

So that means one of the first scenes may be a kissing scene. Great. Wonderful.

We finally move up in line enough to be able to order everything. I hand Ted my phone so he can read off every order to the speaker, handing it back to me once he was done. He drove up to the window and was told he'd need to park, looking at me with a smirk before pulling away from the building to find a spot. As Ted drove around the parking lot, I thought about YouTube again. While Ted's channel had mostly grown during the pandemic, mine only started to grow within the last couples months after I was invited to this big collab creators like Eddy Burback and Jakey. I've become pretty good friends with a lot of the guys in the 'Commentary' corner of YouTube, I'm becoming as close with them as I am with my personal circle.

Huh. Kind of strange that I'm friends with Ted's friends and he's friends with mine, but we've never really met up until now. Small world, I suppose.

Ted found a decent spot to park in, slowing the truck down before putting it in park, finally able to take his hands off the wheel with a sigh. "Might wanna let Tanner know we'll be a while." Ted spoke, taking his seat belt off to better relax in his seat. I take out my phone to send a quick text to Tanner, letting him know we had parked and were just waiting.

There's a moment of silence after I set my phone down again. I can't think of anything to say, Ted is relatively quiet. I'm trying to think of a topic to turn to, but the pressure to speak completely blanks out my mind. It's unlike me.

"You're...okay with me doing this, right?" Ted speaks up, settling his elbow up on one of his armrests as he turns to look at me.

"Hm?"

"Taking Conner's place." He clarified. "I feel like I've just kind of...inserted myself into this, like...without your permission."

"I...don't think you need my permission, you needed Tanner's, right?"

"Well yeah, but I'm not...potentially gonna be locking lips with Tanner."

'Potentially'. I focus on that word in particular. Yes, he hasn't read the script. He doesn't know.

"I mean, I don't know, I'm just guessing." Ted added a humorous rasp to his voice, shrugging his shoulders up with his hands out.

"There's...a few." I admit with a bashful smile. "But I mean, he's there if you want to."

"Hey, I'm not opposed to smooching up the homies." Ted jokes, pointing at me somewhat. I start laughing and fling my head back, truly not expecting such a response. Ted starts laughing too, lightening the air up a little bit.

"I've--I've been down for it before! For the good of the content, I will settle my lips upon another man, another bro, if you will!"

I have to bring myself down from the laughing fit, moving some of my hair out of my face as the chuckling slowly subsides. Oh my god, he's just so funny and...oddly charming. I can see why Tanner suggested we do this snack run together, I'm strangely comfortble with Ted. If this was really the idea, it worked.

"Look, all I'm trying to say is..." Ted let's out a last few chuckles and for the first time, our eyes equally meet each other. He's giving me a genuine smile as he speaks.

"I can...reach out to a few other friends if you'd rather...have more of a choice. I'm cool with taking a step back, I'm sure Tanner would get it."

I keep my eyes settled on his for a little while, feeling warmth rise up my cheeks once more. It's in this moment I realize there isn't a lot of space between us. We're not uncomfortably close, but enough for it to make me blush.

"I'd rather it be you." I reply truthfully, making sure to sound confident. "I was surprised when you offered for sure, but...fuck, Tanner was right to put us on this trip, I think we'd work well together."

"Oh yeah? You'd kiss me?"

I see Ted's self-assured expression waver for a moment, like he spoke before realizing how it would sound. I take the opportunity to turn my body more towards him, resting my elbow on the backrest of the seat so I can prop my head up.

"Yeah." I reply in confidence, giving him a huge grin. "It's 7 kisses. I'll kiss you 7 times."

"It's SEVEN times!?" Ted sits up more in his seat to turn to me as well.

"Yeah! There's a fuckin...the first one is us playing spin the bottle with a bunch of other people."

"Oh my god, it's--you know we'll have to kiss more than 7 times, right? It has to--" He pauses to laugh "It has to look right!"

"That's fine! You're the one that said you'd 'kiss the pretty lady'!" I try to mimic his strong voice as I quote what he said back on set. Ted furrows his brows and rolls his eyes, looking down at his steering wheel. I raise a brow as he seems to glide his tongue along the front of his top teeth, opening his mouth to cackle.

"I did say that, didn't I?"

"You did. 'Pretty lady' here heard it."

Ted shakes his head again and mouths what looked like 'fuck' to himself. Before the conversation could continue, an employee of Dunkin Donuts knocks on Ted's window, completely startling him. I let out another little laugh as he rolls down his window to get all of the food, moving the bags of food to the backseat, putting most of the drinks in the cup holders he had available and handing me the rest to hold. He thanks the employee before rolling his window back up, letting out a huff before putting his seatbelt back on.

"Well, yknow what, I said what I said."

Ted smirks to himself, starting the truck up again. As I put my seatbelt on, he turns the radio on. Big mistake.

🎶'Now he's

🎶thinkin' bout meee, every night ohh,

🎶is it that--'

He turns the radio off.

I smile to myself and turn my head to look out my window, resisting the urge to laugh. Cute.

The first half of the ride back is quiet, only it doesn't feel awkward this time. I'm okay with it. I'm content, maybe even a little excited to get back. I can't bother to convince myself it's not because of Ted. Whether he meant to be or not, he was incredibly sweet and reassuring on this ride. Any doubts or worries I had about him taking Conner's spot had practically melted away.

"I suppose we've got good news for Tanner when we get back, eh?" I speak up, turning my head away from the window to look at Ted. He glances at me and lightly shakes his head, scoffing with a smile. "You're gonna let that slip up go to your head, aren't you?"

"'Slip up'? Awe.." I playfully pout at him "You don't think I'm pretty anymore?"

"Pretty fuckin' obnoxious."

"Ooh! Such harsh language, Teddy!" I put on an old-timey mid-atlantic accent, moving a bit away from the window. "That's not very becoming of a future star in the romance genre!"

"I'm gonna fucking pull this truck over and make you walk back, you fucking...prissy little passenger princess."

"With all the drinks in my hand?"

"You've got four. Four people not having their drinks would be worth it."

"You wanna watch the princess strut down the street?"

"No I wanna watch you trip and fall on your fucking..." I pauses for a bit longer than he probably meant to.

"My...pretty lady face?" I complete his sentence for him, shooting him a winning grin.

"I fucking hate you."

I break into joyful laughter as Ted tries to hold back a chuckle, making sure my grip on the tray in my lap is steady so I don't spill any of it. Bashful is a good look for him.

Finally we get back to set. Ted parks his truck exactly where he parked it before we left and gets out with me to start grabbing all the food. Joe and a few members of the crew come out to help carry everything back inside. This gives me the opportunity to talk to him about everything. As soon as Ted slipped up and flirted with me in the truck, I knew I needed to tell Joe.

We separated away from the rest of the crew for a moment while the rest of the wardrobe team got Ted into a different outfit for the shoot. I give Ted a quick little wave and he shoots me the middle finger with a mocking smile. Asshole. Joe and I decide to hang out by the top part of the stairs leading up to the second floor.

"He did not fucking say that." Joe gasps at me, giving me a look as if I were making it up.

"Dude, and he like...he was SO embarrassed after, I could tell."

"Ted did not fucking say 'you'd kiss me'"

"I swear to God!" I laugh quietly, getting shushes from Joe to keep it down. "You think I'd make that shit up? And!--And later, after he was all shy and shit, he tried to turn on the radio and 'Expresso' started playing and I've never seen a man turn the radio off SO FAST."

"Jesus christ..." Joe rests the side of his hand on his forehead, a dumb smile on his face.

"What's with you not telling me about this guy?" I ask Joe, turning more to him. "He was at your wedding! He met Tanner, but not me? What did you say to him?"

"I didn't want you two fucking!" Joe chuckled, getting a light but friendly smack on the shoulder from me.

"You're bullshit."

"I'm joking! Look--I didn't tell him not to approach you or anything, but like, I don't know, he didn't ask about you after the ceremony. He just left."

"Why did he leave before the party?"

"He had other plans, I guess. He didn't know anyone else there anyways. Dude would've just...danced by himself."

"Could've danced with me."

"He's literally right down there, (Y/N), go ask him why he didn't."

I take a peek over the railing to see Ted's new outfit being adjusted by the wardrobe team, watching as they were trying to decide whether or not to tuck the shirt in. He had a plain white tee on and some brown slacks with a leather belt around it, now with his glasses off and in his hand. I'm still surprised I didn't notice him at the wedding. Maybe I was blind, that's a fine looking dude, I feel like I would've remembered him.

I suppose my gaze was a bit too fond looking, as Joe's smile fades a little.

"(Y/N), I wouldn't do that..." His tone suggests he's worried about me.

"Do what? Look at him?" I joke, giving a light scoff.

"Not like that. This happens all the time."

"What happens all the time?"

"Cast members hooking up. It doesn't end well."

"Oh my god, Joseph, I'm not planning on hooking up with anyone"

"No no no, it literally happens like, all of the time. I'm serious." Joe clears his tone, setting his now empty cup beside him. "People that play love interests together will end up mixing the feelings, like they'll think on camera chemistry is real chemistry, and it ALWAYS ends badly."

"Isn't most of that faked for PR or whatever?"

"That would be worse! I'm just--I trust you, (Y/N), I'm just telling you, as your friend: don't fall for this guy. Don't even sleep with him. I'm serious."

I search Joe's face for any signs of this being a bit, but there's nothing. I don't know who he thinks I am in this moment, I just think Ted's a little cute, I'm not about to pull him into my chambers like some work siren. I've worked with a lot of male youtubers. I consider most of them to be great friends, I've never developed feelings for ANY of them and I'm certainly not the type to jump into bed with a dude because he smiles and twinkles his eyes at me.

I break the tension with a disregarding laugh, rolling my eyes. "Maybe I'll sleep with him just to spite you."

"(Y/N), I'm--"

"I know, I know, you're serious." I interrupt him, scoffing again. "I won't sleep with him."

"You're sure? You're gonna make sure you don't catch feelings for this guy?"

"'Catch feelings'..." I mutter in disbelief, snickering into my cup as I finish the last drop. Joe's silent, I guess he's looking for a genuine answer. I set my empty cup down and look at him, straight in the eye.

"I am not going to 'catch feelings' for Ted Nivison."

"You're sure?" Joe asks again, getting another eye roll from me.

"I'm sure!" I insist, the pitch in my voice elevating slightly. I can't tell if I sounded defensive or something, but it's a good enough response to get Joe to finally drop it.

I don't know why I'd sound defensive, I don't intend to catch feelings for anyone here.

I mean it. My feelings? Sealed. Shut tight. Buried in the hatch, if you will.

No one's catching those feelings. Not him.

__________________________________

|| Chapter 1 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 (smut) || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 (smut) || Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 (smut) || Chapter 15 ||

[enluv]

The Wedding Date

PAIRING! - jay park x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS! - When invited to her younger sisters wedding in two weeks, Y/N L/N faces traveling alone back to Korea for the ceremony. While this seems bad enough, Heeseung, the man who left her with no explanation after four years of dating, happens to be the groom's best man. Determined to show everyone - most of all Heeseung - that her romantic life is as full and thrilling as ever, Y/N hires the ever so charming Jay Park as her date.

word count: 7.4K+!

warnings: angst, suggestive content - it’s implied and mentioned that reader & jay did the devils tango so please note this fic is16+ BUT it’s nothing crazy so just be warned, profanity, cheating, heeseung is super duper not cool in this tbh, lmk if I missed anything !!

genre(s): 16+!! - there are no descriptions of sexual acts but it is stated briefly so read at your own risk, rom-com, fluff, angst, strangers to lovers, rent-a-boyfriend, & also slow burn romance but fast paced story

coco’s love note: this story is based on and inspired by the movie “the wedding date” some parts will be similar and depict similar instances while some will be different to fit the characters and the plots I’m writing for them! thank you so much & enjoy! (remember feedback & reblogs are always appreciated <3)

"You are cordially invited to the wedding of Park Sunghoon and L/N Soohee to celebrate their marriage this June 30th at three o'clock.”

The words on the wedding invitation make your eyes roll, it’s laughable. Knowing neither of you had talked in almost two years it was a wonder why Soohee had chosen to invite you to her wedding. Perhaps it was your mother, she'd always wanted her two girls to get along at some point, but that was easier said then done. Or maybe it was your stepfather? He'd always said you were his favorite, maybe he'd somehow convinced her to invite you. Attending the wedding wasn't what worried you the most though, it was the thought of showing up alone.

Sure you could show up flying solo and hope no one would bat an eye, but did you really want to put yourself through that? The millions of whispers thrown at you as you walk by with no one on your arm? Absolutely not.

That's what brings you here, on a hot summers day as you read the morning paper from the patio of your home. The ads all consist of different services, some are posted for models, some plumbers, even things like babysitting, but you're on the hunt for one thing and soon enough an ad catches your eye. It’s perfect. The ad reads -

"Rent-A-Boyfriend: Are you in need of a date? Want to keep your parents off your back? Need to brag to your friends? Have to keep the relatives at bay? Well look no further! Hire me, Jay Park, profesional boyfriend. I can be anything you need me to be for any occasion! Shoot me a text at XXX-XXX-XXXX or email me at jay.park@gmail.com! Business inquiries only. Excited to date you soon!”

The ad had done its job and quickly enough you'd left Jay exactly seven different voice messages.

— YOU HAVE SEVEN VOICE MESSAGES, TO LISTEN: PLEASE PRESS NUMBER ONE.

VOICE MESSAGE #1 (9:17 PM):

"Errmmm...oh! It’s recording haha. Hello! This is Y/N L/N, umm so basically...oh um sorry I am so nervous haha. Okay so basically my name is Y/N and I need a date for my sisters wedding this month. Normally I'd have a date by now but I don't have the time to go out and date someone for two weeks and then force them to go to Korea with me ya know? So that's where I was hoping you'd come in! Oh shoot my time is running out...ummm okay give me a seco-"

VOICE MESSAGE #2 (9:23 PM):

"OH! HI! Sorry it cut me off last time haha oopsie! Anyways so basically the reason I need a date is because well basically I have this ex boyfriend his name is Heeseung and he kinda sorta dumped me like out of nowhere about two years ago. It was super sad but I was just like eh whatever dude. Then I came here to America haha not a good idea, anyways so yeah and he's gonna also be at that wedding because his best friend is actually the groom which makes him the best man and I can't-"

VOICE MESSAGE #3 (9:34 PM)

"Sorry cut off again but I can't show up alone it would be so embarrassing and we were engaged too by the way I don't know if I mentioned that already but yeah we dated for almost four years and he proposed to me and then boom just ended it so that's why I cannot by any means show up alone. Plus this is my baby sister that’s even more embarrassing, my younger sister getting married before me? Total loser moment."

VOICE MESSAGE #4 (10:45 PM):

"Sorry I forgot to give you details about the wedding lolz. It'll be in Korea, the countryside to be specific. It's on June 30th at 3pm at a wedding Chapel in the town we grew up in. We have to be there a week before. No worries though, l'II pay for our plane tickets. Since I'm the sister of the bride I have to do a lot of things with the bridal party and since you'll be my boyfriend you'd be doing things with the groomsmen. Sorry if that's too soon for you or if it doesn't work with your schedule, I'll pay you double I swear! I just really need this, need your help Jay."

VOICE MESSAGE #5 (11:38 PM):

"Um hi again, this'll be quick I promise. I just wanted you to know that if you can't do this it's okay! Thank you for your time. I really appreciate you.”

VOICE MESSAGE #6 (12:49 AM):

"Oh shit sorry this was an accidental dial. Have a good night haha! Sorry again!”

VOICE MESSAGE #7 (1:23 AM):

"Just give me a call back at XXX-XXX-XXXX if you do want to take the job and if not, no worries! I completely understand how last minute this may be. Have a good night Jay, sweet dreams."

— YOU HAVE ONE NEW VOICE MESSAGE: TO LISTEN PLEASE PRESS NUMBER ONE.

VOICE MESSAGE #1 (3:45 PM):

"Hey Y/N, this is Jay. I got your messages...all seven of them. No worries, I'd be happy to play your boyfriend at your sisters wedding, and about your ex, don’t even worry about him, we'll make sure he regrets his decision to ever leave you. You said we leave next week? Just send me the plane ticket and I'll be on that flight. See you soon Y/N, and don't worry too much, you've got this."

“Woah! Hottie in aisle three am I right?!”

“What are you talking about Sunoo, stop staring at the people riding our planes. It’s a long way back to Korea they don’t need you ogling them for all ten hours.”

“Excuse me but did you not say you’re waiting for your rent-a-boyfriend? Babes I think that’s him.” Sunoo points his perfectly manicured finger towards aisle three where a man dressed in black slacks and a white button up sits comfortably flipping through a book. His head turns up as he feels your eyes on him and a smile flashes across his face.

“Alright, go meet your hunk and sit down, we’re taking off soon anyway.”

You begrudgingly take a seat in front of him, if you’d known he’d be this attractive you’d definitely not have hired him.

“Are you Y/N L/N? Or am I completely wrong and making a fool out of myself?”

His voice is sweet, soft and husky, you turn slightly to face him and meet his soft eyes. No judgement is seen on his face.

“Hi! Yes I am Y/N, I’m assuming you’re Jay? Well you probably are haha, because I got you the seat behind me…okay so anyways hello!”

He laughs softly and nods his head, “Get some rest Y/N, we have a long week ahead of us. When we land let’s go find you a dress and talk business, that okay with you?” Your nod of confirmation has you both relaxed as you turn back around to do just as he said.

“How does this one look?”

“I think you look great in it, remember you’re beautiful and you’ve got a lot going for you. He’s gonna regret ever breaking up with you.”

“Ugh I can’t do it, I need to look good so no one asks me any kinds of questions!”

“Y/N I think you’re overthinking this a bit, just go with whichever dress makes you feel the most beautiful.”

“I think you look the best in the red one, uh personally speaking.” Jay eyes the boy cleaning the other dressing rooms and nods with a tight lipped smile.

“Hmm thanks kids, I’ll keep that in mind.” Pushing back in your eyes fall onto the hanging red dress.

“Alright so let’s talk business, we need a story. You’re the new temp at my job and we just started dating, let’s just say four months ago. You’re crazy about me and I asked you out because surprise surprise I’m also crazy about you too.”

He nods and gets up to leave the room but right as his hand reaches the doorknob you pull him back, closing the dressing room door.

“Here,” you shove an envelope into his hands, “count it. It’s six thousand even.”

Jay takes the envelope and begins putting it into his pocket but you insist he counts the money, he does so with an amused smile flashing across his face.

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll pay for the expenses but if you ever want a piece of this,” he gestures to himself playfully, “we gotta talk money before anything happens.” Your scoff makes him chuckle, he’d only been kidding, he’d most definitely let you have him for free if you asked.

Jay takes in the venue of your sisters engagement party. It’s big enough to host more than fifty people, and it’s doing the job pretty well. He can tell you have a big family. From what you’d mentioned, your mom was Korean but moved to America for school and originally met your dad their but when he was out the picture she met your stepfather and the rest was history. Now your little sister, presumably the petite brunette eyeing you both now, was getting married to someone you’d both grown up with and his best man was you ex. Jay thinks your ex is a dumbass but he’s held his tongue on that thought knowing you’d probably get upset with him.

While he’d only known you for a few hours tops (not including your plane ride) he knew you were a kind person. You’d rambled to him about how you and your sister hadn’t spoke in two years yet here you were back at home to spend her wedding with her. He found it odd how you said yes to joining her bridal party activities but chose not to question you. He never understood sibling love much.

He watches as your sister runs towards you pulling you into a big hug, her smile never quite reaching her eyes but you’d never pick up on it if you weren’t paying close attention. He takes a note to ask you later why you two haven’t spoken in so long, but before he can gather his thoughts her voice breaks him out of it.

“So Y/N, who’s this? He’s cute…” her voice trails off and makes Jay internally cringe, it’s obvious she wants a reaction out of you.

He watches as you calmly turn towards him, resting an arm on his as you say, “This is Jay, he’s my boyfriend of four months. I decided I would take you up on that plus one offer!”

Momentarily your sisters eyes flash with what seems to be jealousy or maybe sadness, Jay can’t tell but he knows she looks anything but happy which is odd for someone about to marry the love of their life.

“Wow that’s great! How’d you two meet?”

“We met at work. I thought she was the most gorgeous girl I’d ever seen in my life so I told her. She asked me out right after and the rest is history.” He pulls you closer and pecks your temple once he’s done answering. He knows just how to push buttons, especially with people like your sister.

At that very moment Park Sunghoon, your childhood best friend and sisters fiancé walks over pulling Soohee into a sloppy kiss, Jay notes he seems tipsy and excited about something. He watches your sisters demeanor change in an instant the minute Sunghoon walks over.

“Woah Y/N it’s been too long, I’ve missed my best friend, you have to visit more often seriously.”

“Oh I’m Park Sunghoon, Soohee’s fiancé and Y/N’s friend, we haven’t met before but I’m happy to see Y/N has someone to put a smile on her face.” His smile is captivating and contagious. Sunghoon seems like a nice enough guy in Jay’s eyes.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” Jay leans over and offers a hand. “I’m Jay, Y/N’s boyfriend. She told me you invited me to join in on the groomsmen activities, thanks a lot I’m excited.”

“Of course! Any friend of hers is a friend of mine. Let me get your number and I’ll add you to the groupchat, we start soon so just be ready.” With the promise to text soon Sunghoon and Soohee are quickly whisked away leaving Jay with Y/N.

“Your sister seems…nice…”

Y/N can’t hide her laugh as she straightens her dress out, “Mhm love her to death but she can be a lot, now if you’ll excuse me I need to pee, I’ve had way too many drinks! Wait for me here.”

When exiting the bathroom you never thought you’d run into Lee Heeseung here of all places. It seemed as if lady luck was anywhere but on your side, as you watch him emerge from the door next to the same one you’d just came out of, his eyes grow wide as he spots you, quickly making his way towards you.

“Holy shit, Y/N! I was hoping I would see you here! You look beautiful as always.”

Your hearts beats as you look up towards him. It’d been almost a year since you’d last saw Lee Heeseung. He’d broken your heart in all of five minutes over the phone after spending a week in America with you. It was heart wrenching and soul crushing but you’d healed…or so you thought. Seeing Heeseung again was like ripping off a bandaid on a newly fresh wound. Heart begging to be held by him once more you knew immediately you had to find a way away from him and fast.

Thankfully just as you’d pulled away from his arms up ran your old friend Karina. She’d been someone you’d hung out with in high school and always called you up whenever you visited Seoul. Her squeals of excitement and hands pulling you into a hug helped with the longing to be next to Heeseung again. She looked towards him with hostility and popped the question right there in front of him.

“Y/N I’ve missed you so much! AH! Who’s the hottie you brought with you? Rumor has it he’s your new boyfriend…you tell me though, wanna hear it straight from the source herself.”

At this Heeseung’s head perks up from his previous gaze at the floor. He’s expecting to hear an answer, it’s obvious in the way his eyes stay on you.

“Oh. Um yeah. He’s actually my boyfriend. His name is Jay and we met at work. He’s the sweetest, you have to meet him! I’ll introduce you two soon.” Once again Karina’s squeals fill the air and Heeseung waves goodbye as she tugs you towards where Jay stands surrounded by your aunties. They seem to be enjoying the compliments he throws at them and you laugh quietly as you listen in on his conversations with them.

Jay watches as you stop to talk to someone by the doors of the bathroom, he contemplates walking over to you but decides to stop himself. He isn’t here to protect you, you can do that all on your own, he’s just here to provide some comfort in a stressful situation. His peaceful time of watching you is quickly interrupted when your aunties come over and preoccupy him. He’s done this before and is quick to play the best boyfriend he can be.

As soon as you walk over you’re pulled away by your aunties (much to his dismay) so Jay sets off to find something to keep himself busy. He soon spots the same man you were talking to earlier out on the balcony alone and decides to talk to him, he seems upset, might as well do something while you’re gone.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jay asks walking over swiftly to the man and smiling down at him.

“Oh. Uh. I guess it can’t get any worse than this. There’s this girl who I care about a lot,” he pauses to look back inside and Jay follows his gazes to where you sit with your sister and friend from before and his mind begins to turn, “I guess you could say I love her but of course with my luck, she’s here with some other guy.”

Jay lets out a low whistle and begins to talk but before he can process the situation you’re asking him if he’s okay and giving him a kiss on the lips, it leaves him dazed.

“Hey Y/N.” Heeseung says once quietly.

“Hey Y/N.” He repeats, this time louder than before.

Jay has a sudden realization as he looks back up at Heeseung, this is your ex, the same ex who broke your heart and the reason you hired him to be here.

“Oh hey Hee! Jay, this is Heeseung, he’s my ex.”

“Ah that’s why you looked a bit familiar.”

“What were you two talking about?”

“We were just-” Heeseung begins to talk but Jay cuts him off.

“I was telling him how we met.”

Heeseung nods frantically and stands tall again, he nervously grabs his cup and smiles, “I should head back inside, I’ll see you two later.”

“Did you see his face? Omg he looked so freaked out!”

“Mhm, and he told me he’s still head over heels in love with a girl he cares about a lot.”

Y/N’s bright smile bubbled up a feeling in Jay’s chest, but he shook it off as quickly as it came.

“Let’s get going pretty girl, I still need to meet your parents.”

Your house is huge, and yeah sure Jay is used to big houses, he grew up comfortably so houses around him were on the bigger side, but this house - your house is massive. He’s in awe as you stumble threw the front door hand in hand. A woman who looks just like you approaches speaking so quickly that Jay misses her question, but thankfully you’re quick to answer it.

“Hi mom. This is Jay,” a silent pause ensues after you reveal who he is to her.

“Well it’s nice to meet you Jay, sorry we don’t have a spare room for you. We weren’t exactly expecting you, Y/N has never really brought you up.” Jay can tell immediately who your sister takes after.

“No worries ma’am, I can just stay with Y/N.”

“Oh sorry my mom has this thing against boys sleeping with girl-”

Your mothers scoff cuts you off, her head shaking slowly, “Nonsense Y/N, you’re an adult. I know you two sleep together it’s normal, he’ll stay with you.”

You nod back at her wide eyed, and just as you’re about to speak a man pops up next to your mother, this time Jay does know who he is. Your lock-screen holds a picture of you two at a concert and you’d pointed out exactly who your stepfather was to him immediately. He waves a quick hello at Jay and pecks your temple, but he’s quick to whisks your mother away sending you a wink. Once you’ve made it to your room it’s almost midnight and both of you are exhausted from traveling and the party.

“Y/N, I’m gonna go ahead and shower, could you hand me my shampoo? I forgot to grab it and I’m already in.”

“Huh? Oh! Shampoo right…yeah of course I’ll get it right now.” Trudging over to Jay was easy, avoiding looking at the almost see-through shower curtain covering him was completely different. He smiles once you hand over the shampoo and goes back to humming along to a song stuck in his head.

“Hey Jay, what’s your story, like how did you get into rent-a-boyfriend?” You ask him taking a seat on the lid of the toilet.

“Well I’m an only child and my parents where always busy, grew up with very little friends and I was very protected at that. I like to think I was the weird kid who ate glue…anyways once I got my much needed glow up I didn’t know what to do with myself so I just started messing around. Clubbing, drinking, sex, all of that you know. Anyways my friend Jake found rent-a-boyfriend,” he steps out of the shower and stands directly in front of you, towel loosely wrapped around his waist, “and the rest is history.” He sends you a smirk before reaching for his phone sitting next to you on the counter, giving you the perfect view of his toned chest.

“Whatever, so what you just agreed to be a fake boyfriend like that?”

“Mhm, I trust Jake with my life he’s my best friend, dude would never sign me up for something that he knew I’d hate. Now come on it’s time for bed.”

The next day wedding activities start quickly, your sister has a day planned full for the groomsmen and bridesmaids. Things ranging from kickball (which Jay seems to be very good at and just so happens to beat Heeseung’s team in) to separate bachelor and bachelorette parties.

Both parties go great, with both you and Jay enjoying yourselves equally, but if you’d asked the other you’d both say all you wanted to do was go back home and see each other. It was an odd realization knowing you’d feel better at home with Jay, a mere stranger in your eyes.

“Y/N! Ugh I’ve been looking all over for you! I missed you so much, you really suck for not visiting more. I know we’re half sisters but I love you!! I missed you so freaking much,” Soohee slurs her words into your ear as she pulls you into a suffocating hug. You nod uncomfortably and hug her back, patting her on the back as she signals the bartender for more drinks. Just from the way she stares at you, you know the night is going to be long.

On Jay’s end of things he’s forced to take home a very drunk Sunghoon, who now seems more like a friend then a stranger. Earlier he’d over heard Heeseung telling Sunghoon about how he didn’t trust him, and while normally Jay didn’t care much for how people saw him, Heeseung really irked him. Yet here he was now, helping his best friend stumble home after their night out.

“Don’t tell Heeseung I said this, but Y/N looks way more happy with you then she ever did with him. I mean don’t get me wrong he’s my best friend and I’d literally die for him but the way she smiles at you is so different from any way she’s ever looked at him. I heard you the other day, telling her she was strong and could face everyone again. I was standing next to the door you two were by, anyways yeah Heeseung would have never done that. I love that idiot to death but the second he decided to break things off with her was the second he lost a really great person. You’re lucky Jay, can you just please keep her happy?”

Jay nods at him and Sunghoon sends him a grin, he walks up the steps to his house and waves a final goodbye back to him. Sunghoon’s words play in Jay’s head like a turntable, were you really happy with him? Did he seriously make you happy? Giddiness spread through him as he made his way back to your home only a couple doors down, ready to see you for the night.

Walking back into your bedroom and seeing Jay laid out reading a book half naked was a sight you’d never get tired of. He looked up at you taking in your figure and smiled.

“How was your night pretty?” The low gruffness of his voice sent shivers down your spine as you walked closer, watching as he sat up to meet your eyes.

“Something on your mind?” He asks quietly taking your hands in his.

“I’m going to do something, and if you don’t want it just tell me no, okay?” Jay nods with curiosity in his eyes.

His eyes widen as you straddle his lap, kissing him softly. He wasn’t expecting that, but he’s not complaining, soon enough he’s kissing back and you’re both rushing to undress one another, Jay more than you.

The night ended far too quickly and as you wake up with a snug arm wrapped around you, the memories of last night come flooding back in. You’d had sex with Jay, your rented boyfriend for the week, but it seemed neither of you minded it much, both eager to be together last night. A smile forms across your face as you move to stand only to be stopped by his arm tightening around your waist.

You both stumble downstairs hand in hand, running into both your parents. Your father stares at you two and wishes you a good morning, but your mother seems to sense something is different with you both. She sets down her coffee mug and calls for your cook to make breakfast. Jay is quick to make you your morning tea. He remembers how much you hate coffee.

After the dance class your sister plans for both parties, you’re left walking around a park with Jay. He can sense something is off as you slip your hand away from his grasp.

“Y/N are you okay?”

“Do you regret last night?”

You both speak at the same time, laughing awkwardly as you gesture for one another to speak first.

“I don’t regret last night Y/N,” he pauses to grab your hand, “I actually enjoyed it very much.” His laugh fills the tension filled air between you two.

“Are you sure? I can seriously pay you if that’s what you want I mean-” a tug at your wrist stops you from finishing, Jay shakes his head at you.

“Y/N you’re a beautiful idiot,” he sighs pulling you closer, “I was joking about paying me, and if you must know I’ve never slept with a client, ever.”

“Then why did you sleep with me? Oh god did I take advantage of you in a drunken state? Oh my god Jay.”

“No you idiot, I did it because I’m attracted to you, and you’re attracted to me, we’re two consenting adults who find one another attractive so we acted on it, that’s all.”

You nod at his words, still not fully agreeing with him but there wasn’t any other explanation, you were attracted to him so just as he said, you’d acted on it, that was all.

You two spend the day getting to know one another even more, Jay tells you his likes and dislikes, mother and fathers name, how he met Jake, and more. You spend hours talking before falling asleep cuddled up on your bed, tomorrow you both had to be up early for Soohee’s final days of wedding activities, starting with a nice family get together at your parents lake house.

What happens the next day is not something Jay ever wanted to deal with. As he watches you twirl around with your friends and run through the field chasing Sunghoon surrounding the lake behind your parents house, his insides churn at the thought of what he just witnessed. Not even an hour before Jay had actually gotten your fathers approval, he sat him down and they talked for an hour, he’d told Jay the story of his first time being introduced to you as his wife’s daughter and immediately knowing you’d be someone special in his life. He recounted how not a day went by where he didn’t worry about you alone in America but when you had showed up with him, Jay, on your arm his worries dwindled at the loving looks Jay sent your way.

This was not fun anymore, the angel and devil perched on his shoulders were fighting over what to do with the information he’d learned. Either he tell you and hurt you, or he could keep it to himself and just pretend he never knew a thing. The latter sounded perfect in his mind.

“And well sometimes we find the best thing for us and you know that’s not the best thing for others, so you have to do what’s best for you as a person you know and so that’s why we as humans always pick what’s best for us, we’re pretty selfish if you think about it really.”

Looking anywhere but Heeseung you’d spotted Jay, he smiled and waved you over, quickly bidding Heeseung and his odd dialogue a goodbye you’d ran straight towards an awaiting Jay.

“You seem to be very popular today Mr.Park. First my dad and just now my mom? Something tells me they like you.”

His chuckle sends butterflies through your stomach, “Yeah they said they’re excited to welcome me to the family, something about you having a terrible ex who wasted your time for four years? Your moms words, not mine.”

“She hates his guts, glad she likes you though.”

He smiles leaning in to peck your lips, “Yeah I’m glad she likes me too, kinda plan on staying for a bit.”

“Hey lovebirds, we’re taking pictures, come here!”

The next day, is the day before the wedding and it’s just as packed as all the other days but this time it’s filled with anxiety, Soohee and Sunghoon are buzzing with anxious excitement, your parents are terrified for tomorrow and everyone is sitting anxiously awaiting to give their toast.

Soohee wanted a closed family rehearsal dinner so they’d decided today would be the day to do it.

Jay sits next to you with his left hand rubbing your thigh, he listens as your mother recounts how you and Soohee fought over a boy when you were in both in grade school, she theorizes that’s why you two have a hard time getting along. Everyone laughs at the stories spewing from both your parents, the atmosphere is almost perfect. Perfect however, does not exist within this realm of people.

“Hey babe, I’m gonna go get more wine, don’t miss me too much.” You whisper to Jay standing and walking off towards the wine cellar.

A pair of footsteps catches your attention and when you turn around you spot Heeseung.

“I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

“Heeseung, relax. It’s fine. I promise.”

“I just feel like I should tell you that, god this is so fucking hard.”

“Did you know, I actually brought Jay to make you jealous, to torture you for the week, but then I don’t know, something happened and now I’m just so freaking happy with him. He makes me so happy honestly, and if we’re being honest Hee, I am so tired of this, of me and you. I’m ready to move on for good so let’s just go back upstairs and enjoy the rest of the evening.”

The weight on your shoulders feels lifted, you’d been wanting to finally feel free from Heeseung for months now and finally you were able to do it. Finally you could be happy and be with-

“I slept with Soohee, Y/n. I slept with your sister and I think I’m in love with her. It was two years ago, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore, that’s why I broke up with you, and then after we broke up we keep sleeping with each other for a few months. We stopped because of you, we knew it was wrong.”

“Can you please say something Y/N. Please just say anything please.” His pleas pierced your ears.

The wine cellar had begun to spin, the second he’d first told you, the room went dark and you couldn’t breathe properly. What the fuck just happened. Heeseung and Soohee slept together? He had cheated on you with your sister? He was in love with her.

Walking out the cellar Heeseung followed quickly behind, soon enough you’d made it back outside to the dinning area, Karina spotted you two and smiled wide but it soon dropped at your demeanor.

“Oh my god he told you didn’t he.”

“You knew?”

“Y/N I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry Y/N.”

“You sound just like him.”

“I promise it’s not like that Y/N-“

“Y/N?” Soohee’s voice pierces through the air around you and you know she knows what’s happening.

“Y/N please listen to me,” she tries resting her hand on your shoulder but you push her off, “Y/N please don’t say anything to Sunghoon. Please, I’m begging you.”

Strong arms pull you into them and you’re quick to hug him back. Jay feels like a breath of fresh air in the seemingly smog filled venue.

“I can’t believe you told her!” Soohee shouts as Jay stills in your arms and your world crashes all over again.

Jay watches as you take a step away from him, pushing him towards the others who’d betrayed your trust. His heart aches at the look you send him, he knows he’s fucked up, he’s fucked up really bad.

He chases after you as you walk away from the venue, he needs to make things right.

After the talk with your dad, Jay realized he’d forgotten the sun hat you’d asked him to bring outside for you so he trudged back inside to grab it but loud arguing distracted him. Being the gentleman he was, Jake liked to call him that at least, he walked over to the room to see what was happening and standing before him he saw Soohee and Heeseung. The arguing continued as he stepped into view of them.

“I love you Soohee, I miss us, I miss you.”

“Heeseung no. I love Sunghoon, we slept together for a few months but that is all it ever was. I am getting married to Sunghoon, your best friend.”

“You don’t think I know that? It kills me to see you with him!”

Jay is left speechless, your ex Heeseung and your very own sister, had slept together. He had to get away from them both, now.

“Jay? How long have you been standing there.” Soohee’s voice broke him out his thoughts and when he looked back up Heeseung was gone.

“I don’t know what you heard but it’s in the past Jay, it’s not important anymore, please just stay out of it, it doesn’t involve you.” She pushes past him out the door he’s standing next to. Jay is left wondering what to do with the information he’s just been presented..

“You knew and you didn’t tell me? How could you do that to me Jay?”

“What did you want me to say? It’s harder than it seems Y/N.”

“You lied to me. But I guess I should have expected that since that’s what you do. That’s who you are Jay, you’re a liar.”

“Really Y/N? Should I remind you that you hired me. You hired me to be your boyfriend, you’re paying me.”

“You’re right. I paid six thousand dollars for a lie and in the end I’m the only one coming out a fucking fool.”

“Hate me all you want Y/N, but it’s time you get over this Heeseung thing, you’re dragging it out, maybe now though, once you move on from Heeseung, you can cry over our relationship long enough and let it ruin your next one too.”

“Y/N? I came to say thank you for not outing me to Sunghoon today. I’m going to tell him, I just don’t want to tell him the night before our wedding.”

“You’re smart Soohee, telling him after the wedding allows you to trap him, because you know the minute he finds out you fucked his best friend repeatedly behind his back he’ll want to leave, but he won’t be able to because he’s married to you.”

“Don’t worry Soohee, your wedding tomorrow will be perfect. I’ll smile for the camera and keep my mouth shut but after tomorrow I never want to see or speak to you again. I hope you have a happy marriage built on the lies you created. Sunghoon deserves better then you’ll ever be able to give him.” Soohee’s quiet sobs lessen as she leaves the room. Finally you had some peace.

The day of the wedding felt like a blur, you’d woken up early to get your hair and makeup done, smiling when needed and laughing at whatever the bridal party said. It felt like you were a shell of nothing in your own body. Soohee tossed glance after glance at you, looking away quickly when you’d catch her. She’d never been one to like when people were upset with her and you knew it was driving her crazy to not know what you were thinking. Truth be told at any moment you could call up Sunghoon and tell him the truth, but a voice of reason seemed to still be lingering in your mind and it made you hope she’d do the right thing, tell him before the wedding continued, yet so far it didn’t seem like she’d be doing that.

Everyone rushed around the wedding chapel to get things in order, photographers and other vendors Soohee had hired ran around finding their places to make sure the day went as planned but the nerves in her stomach just wouldn’t go away. The echo of your words rattled in her mind, would she really be trapping Sunghoon? She knew if it were her, she’d want an out. She cursed you in her head as she made the decision to do the right thing, he deserved to know at least. Hopefully he’d be able to forgive her, hopefully he still wanted her.

Jay thinks whatever god is looking down on him right now is probably laughing his ass off at his suffering. He knows he shouldn’t have snapped back at you, especially not with the state of mind you had been in. It fucking broke him to hear your sobs as he turned away from you. On top of all that, now he was just going to up and leave you. He’d bought a plane ticket back home last night after talking to Sunghoon. He didn’t spill any descriptive details, and had told him a less intense version of your fight. Sunghoon laughed in his face and told him he was just in love. Jay told him to fuck off and shut up.

As he drove down the roads of the rural Korean countryside, thoughts filled his mind. He brought the car to a stop and contemplated what to do. On one hand, he had a plane ticket and his suitcases packed to go back home right now but on the other, all he had to do was turn around, pray you’d forgive him, apologize, and admit that Sunghoon was right.

Pulling him from his thoughts was the man himself, speak of the devil and he shall appear apparently. Jay looked up to find Sunghoon chasing after a very scared looking Heeseung. Someone had finally told him then, that was good. He watched as Sunghoon tackled Heeseung and they rolled down a hill. Heeseung escaped and continued running, never looking back. Sunghoon on the other hand stopped to catch his breath, catching sight of Jay in his car. He waved him down and hopped into the seat next to him.

“I love Soohee, I really do. I’m going to forgive her, she said they slept together before we officially got together and it stopped once I asked her out. I just wanted to beat his ass because he hurt Y/N.”

Jay nodded as Sunghoon rambled on about how insane Heeseung was for ever doing what he did to you. He blamed them both but he could only poor his anger out on Heeseung right now.

“Do you think I’m crazy for taking her back? For still wanting to marry her?”

“No, you love her, anyone can see. I think she’s obviously sorry, she could have not told you and just made you marry her but she gave you a choice and came clean. When you love someone you have that kind of courage, and you let others dictate your life for you even if one of the outcomes could ruin you forever.” As Jay spoke aloud to Sunghoon reality set in, he needed to go back to you, to apologize for his mistakes, to show you he loved you and accepted you and anything you decided he was worthy of having.

“Looks like we’ve got a wedding to go back to then, and I’m out a best man so what do ya say?”

Jay smiled and nodded at Sunghoon.

“Hell yeah man, let’s go.”

Seeing you again felt surreal, it made Jay’s heart beat a million times per minute. You looked gorgeous in the bridesmaids dress Soohee had picked for you, your hair beautifully styled to perfectly match you. Jay had never felt this happy, he’d never felt so excited to do something.

As Sunghoon had ran past you, Jay jogged up to you, pulling you into a kiss, he’d been wanting to kiss you again for so long, he melted within the first second of it.

“God Y/N, you have no idea how fucking sorry I am, I love you and I should have told you about Heeseung and Soohee, I just couldn’t bring myself to break your heart. I never want to be the one to hurt you, I love you so damn much, I’d rather give you up then hurt you. I know it hasn’t been long but I feel like we’ve known each other for years. I want to take you on a date, a real one, and I want to be your boyfriend, your real boyfriend, not one you rented for a week, and I need you to know that I’ll take anything you want to give me, I didn’t mean what I said yesterday, you didn’t ruin anything. Hell I’m the one ruining things. I just need you to know I care about you.”

“I realized today that I could never do what I did without you this past week. You are quite literally the best fake boyfriend anyone could ask for. I want to have you to myself Jay, don’t want to share you with anyone else, I’m done sharing. I want you to be mine, but really mine, not for a week, for a lifetime.”

“Glad we’re on the same page beautiful. We can talk more when we have the time but right now we have to head inside, I’m sorta the best man.”

Epilogue

Jay has you pressed against his kitchen counter attacking your neck when banging on his apartment door brings you both out of the lovestruck trance you’re currently in.

“Open up you fucker!”

Jay rolls his eyes at the voice clearly recognizing it immediately, but as he goes to open the door it flies open, hitting the back wall.

“Why’d you quit rent-a-boyfriend? Bro you were literally number one! I know I said I wanted to steal it from you but I didn’t mean that way idiot.”

“You can ask her why I deleted it.” He replies, pointing towards your direction.

Now standing and properly dressed, you wave at the man before you, he seems just as confused as you are.

“Pretty girl, this is my best friend Jake, and Jake this is my girlfriend Y/N.” A smile spreads across Jake’s face and he’s quick to pull you into a hug.

“Oh dude! You should have just said that! I see why now, what a dog! She’s way to pretty for you by the way.”

“Thanks Jake, I know I am but he’s a good kisser so I keep him around.”

“I like her already! Wanna go get some lunch? On me of course to celebrate you finding a girl who actually likes you and isn’t paying you to date her.”

“Deal, but just so you know, I did pay him to date me. Not anymore though.”

Jake’s mouth hangs open as you walk past him to grab your shoes, he’s astonished that someone as gorgeous as you needed to pay for a date. Jay sends him a look and promises to explain at lunch as he chases after you.

Jake would never admit it out loud but he’s happy Jay’s finally found someone to make him happy and the smile on your faces just shows him how right you are for one another.

Three years later he’s proven right as he opens up the envelope addressed to him. It’s an invitation that reads –

“You are happily invited to the wedding of Jay Park and Y/N L/N on the 31st of October, at three o’clock. Please join them for this amazing celebration!”

coco’s love note: ahhh and that’s a wrap on the wedding date! I really hope you all enjoyed it, honestly it was really fun to write especially coming up with things to fit the characters I chose for this fic in specific :) it was hard making heeseung the bad ex but he was the perfect fit 😭 and i love jay being the ml like he’s perfect for rom-coms!! anyways, I hope you enjoyed this fic and as always, feedback & reblogs are always appreciated <3

[emilem-forevermore]

hey! intro post here :)

are you having a panic or anxiety attack? or just feeling upset? tap or click here

here is a link to the trevor project (a helpline for queer youth) if you are struggling. remember you deserve love and recovery :)

okay, a bit about me:

my name: you can call me em, ollie, or oliver!

my pronouns: he/they, for the most part, but i actually really like fae/xe/ey too :)

terms you can use for me: masc stuff is great, gender neutral good too! sir, mister (mr), boy, bro, dude, mage (mg), handsome, cute, manly, masc, and pretty/beautiful is okay

a few labels i use: bisexual, genderfluid, transmasc, demiromantic, and i think polyamorous!

my age: i am a minor. don’t be gross.

DNI: if you’re sending asks for donations, pedophiles, just here to be mean, sex blogs

my birthday: april 8th! i’m an aries :3

i also have a poetry blog! @emilems-poetry

some other stuff you might want to know:

i’m 5’0!

i earned a black belt in taekwondo.

single, but in a situationship

i cannot play any instruments but would like to learn guitar one day

i’m a norwegian forest cat therian (i think) but i’m fine with being called human/person too - i have a therian blog. you'll find it.

adhd, autism (undiagnosed) and therapist says i might have ocd

if you want my spotify or pinterest (or scratch) dm me (it's something i'm willing to share but not like with the entire world lol)

music i like: harry styles, 1D, hozier, noah kahan, chappell roan, sabrina carpenter, taylor swift, the amazing devil, + a lot more

fandoms i am in: gravity falls, warrior cats, heartstopper, brooklyn nine nine, only murders in the building, a good girls guide to murder, the hunger games, ride the cyclone (kinda), + more

some of my interests: poetry, drawing, digital art, writing, reading, french, veterinary sciences, the human body, psychology, hebrew, spanish

PLEASE:

ask me stuff! i love answering questions

message me if you think i’m cool!!

send me art and poetry!!! it’s so awesome to look at :3

interact w me! i love talking to yall and i don't bite that often

if i say/do something that upsets you, let me know! i try to do my best to be inclusive and kind but sometimes i mess up so help me out :)

this is my favorite post on this website, a slight tw for self harm, but aside from that it might help if you're feeling down :)

i think you’re pretty awesome!! :) (especially trans, intersex, aromantic, agender, and asexual individuals!)

i love my moots more than the world!!!

here's a list of some of them

@hotteststar my first moot and fellow bisexual :)

@rins-batcave my reason /p

@raeprise mon cœur /p

@sparky4577 my brother (not irl but i wish)

@star-dust-shark and @crowwolf8 my favorite animals fr

@crowofthestars just really fuckn cool. go follow them!

@thecrazyalchemist my bestie with the coolest name(s) ever

@mrblazeflappybird my cool uncle essentially

@wishiwereheather13 my really cool moot im too nervous to talk to (your banner is so cool btw. just sayin.)

@boldofyoutoassumeicanspell my wise gal i should talk to more

@holiday-spice my favorite seasoning (get it. cause his name is spice. lol.)

@daggerhobbit where i'd get a dagger if i needed one. very cool

@aflairforthemelodramaticc my father :)

if you'd like to be added to (or removed from) this list lemme know! i have so many mutuals and i love them all beyond words <3

[leilani-lily]

~Oh Deer~ (Chapter 5)

I'll admit, I had this finished a while ago, but couldn't post until now. I have a confession to make... my long term boyfriend of 6 years split with me a couple days ago. And it's been... hard, to say the least. I'm really hoping this wont deter me from continuing to write (especially since this story is kinda romantic, but also isn't? There's deep feelings involved xD) I hope maybe writing can maybe help me as it serves as a distraction? I honestly don't know... All I can ask for is patience as I deal with this. If I find I need a break I'll be sure to let you guys know. But I guess for now, please keep me in your thoughts if you can. Or if anyone wants to swap stories I'm more than happy to share. ꨄ But ok. Enough sadness. This chapter was a joy to write before all the bs happened. I hope it can make you smile! And as always, please feel free to comment your thoughts! SYNOPSIS: AroAce! Alastor x Chef!Singer! Reader. You settle into hotel life, and whip up Alastor's fave dish! But some drama ensues when you get a little too friendly with a certain Spider Demon~ Word Count: 4.4 K Chapter under the cut! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You had developed quite a routine here during your time at the hotel, and you certainly found your days a lot busier than you had intended.

Your morning coffee with Alastor that usually blended into breakfast, then joining him in his tower for his broadcasts. He’d always pour two glasses of rye whisky and sit with you, asking for your thoughts afterwards. You’d discuss what you liked and didn’t like, and were surprised to learn he took criticism well (other than the occasional eye twitch). You’d bounce off new topics for future shows together before wrapping up and heading back down to the kitchen for the lunch rush.

After lunch was usually when Charlie would want to round everybody up. Either discussing how to make the hotel more liveable, how to recruit more sinners, or various exercises to improve everyone’s character. Sometimes these meetings were very boring and you’d have to pinch yourself constantly to stay awake. But for the most part they were fun, and you found yourself actually enjoying spending time with everyone. Especially goofing around with Angel and Husk, which usually resulted in Vaggie snapping at you all as you choke back laughter. Sometimes you would catch Alastor watching you with an unreadable expression, but you didn’t think anything of it. 

When that would wrap up, it was time to whip up dinner. You managed to figure out everyone’s favourite foods, and every Friday you decided you’d rotate through and make someone’s special  dish for them. Everyone enjoyed Friday dinners, always trying to guess what everyone liked, make bets on who was next, and were especially pleased if it was their night. It wasn’t much, but their praise always made you secretly feel warm and bubbly inside. 

Finally, after cleaning everything up and ending your shift, you’d have some spare time. Depending on how the day went, you would either read and have a quiet night to yourself, or just completely pass out straight away. 

Before you knew it, a month had flown before your eyes; bringing you into the present.

You knew you had no reason to be so nervous. Angel had loved his lasagna dish last week, and previously Charlie loved the pizza you had made (even if others had picked off the pineapple in disgust). You had proven you were a good chef since working here. But this Friday meal in particular… this one was different. It was Alastor’s. Your closest friend. And you knew just how important this particular meal was. It wasn’t just a dish, it was a memory. A way to remember his mother, and you had learned very quickly just how much she meant to him. 

Your heart was fluttering nervously as you put the jambalaya out on the large dining table. No one was there yet, but you could hear the chitter of excited demons coming closer to you, so you knew they were on their way. You always tried to make Friday’s dinner special, it was the one meal where you all sat and ate together. Kind of like a little family. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, your heart fluttering warmly at the thought. You went back to the kitchen to grab the cheddar biscuits, your mind wandering back to Alastor. You shouldn't be overthinking this, it’s just a stupid dinner. Did his opinion really matter that much to you?

You re-enter the dining room, and your eyes immediately locked with the demon in question. Alastor’s smile seemed to brighten the moment he saw you, but his smile only made your hands sweaty.

…… Yes, yes his opinion really did matter that much. You really wanted to make a good impression. 

“Ooooh and ya baked fresh biscuits??” Angel had zipped up beside you, eyeing the plate of goodies in your hands, “ya really know how ta spoil a demon Baby Cakes!” His fingers danced over a biscuit, causing you to snap out of your hold with Alastor and give Angel a quick slap on the wrist. He zipped his hand away in mock horror, making you snort a moment.

“You know the rules; no eating ‘till everyone’s here,” You scold him, but you can’t help but smile; you could never really be angry with him. Angel groaned dramatically, hugging himself with his four arms.

“You’re a cruel mistress y/n; makin’ a cutie like me practically starve to death! Jus’ look at me! I’m witherin’ away!” he leans up against you, arching his back as his full weight pressed on you. You let out a single laugh as you tried to maintain your hold on the plate and not fall over. He continued to groan weakly as his one arm grasped the air above him and another flopped over his eyes. 

Wow. Someone give this guy an award. No wonder he was in show business. 

You laugh again at the dramatics and roll your eyes. Finally, you sighed and grabbed a biscuit, offering it to the Spider Demon. Angel peeked over and immediately lit up, grabbed it eagerly before standing up straight, miraculously recovering from his ‘near death’. He took a deep whiff of the warm bread before smiling back at you. 

“Yarra real doll toots~” he gives you a flirty wink to which you shake your head in amusement. Always the charmer this one. 

“Yeah yeah, well, just don’t tell the others. Or else they might think you’re my favourite~!” You swing your hips to him and give him a playful hip bump, winking right back. He laughed as the nudge pushed him to the side, using the momentum to walk to his seat. But as he sauntered away, he looked back and grinned mischievously.

“Well maybe they should~!” he called back, doing a little suggestive shoulder shimmy and wiggling his eyebrows. You couldn’t help your snort. Cheeky thing. 

You knew it was all in good fun; teasing and play-flirting had become your thing. He was like the gal-pal you had never had since coming to Hell, and you could tell he was happy to have a girlie here at the hotel. You knew his real bestie was some demon named Cherri (which he INSISTED you all had to go out one night), but having another chica just a couple rooms down from his own was fun and convenient. And you were happy to be that friend for him if it meant slumber parties and beauty routines. 

You felt someone’s eyes on you, and you snapped out of your bubbly thoughts. Alastor was standing in the same spot he was before, not having moved an inch. He was still smiling, but this time it felt a little more strained. More forced. And his eye twitched ever so slightly. You also noticed his grip tight around his microphone. He caught you looking at him and immediately turned away, beginning to walk back to his seat with an unreadable expression. 

… That was weird. 

Before you could even begin to process, the rest of the gang entered the room. They all gave you a greeting in their own quirky ways as they arrived and made their way to their seats. Angel shoved the rest of the biscuit into his mouth to hide any evidence and happily trotted over to Husk. You smiled happily at the arrival of your comrades and set the tray of bread down on the table. Everyone looked at the spread before them and chittered excitedly, impressed with the effort you had put into tonight’s dinner. 

As everyone sat down, you quickly made your way to your seat beside Angel. Before sitting down, you cleared your throat a moment to get everyone’s attention. As the happy chatter died down, you began to speak.

“First off, I’d like to thank everyone for joining in today’s special dinner. Today’s meal is inspired by our very own Facility Manager, Alastor.” Everyone clapped politely and Charlie even gave a small whoop of encouragement. Alastor sat up proudly from his seat at the head of the table, loving the attention he was getting. 

“I’ll admit, I was a bit intimidated with tackling this particular dish, as we’ve all heard him boast about his mother’s recipe.” There were a couple chuckles scattered around the table, everyone very aware of how much he spoke of it. Husk in particular rolled his eyes and muttered quietly in disdain.

“I realize I’ll probably never meet up to her standards,” you look back at Alastor and give a sheepish smile, “but I sincerely hope it’s to your liking.” Alastors smile widened ever so slightly, his hooded gaze softening at your words. 

“My dear,” he marveled, his eyes never leaving yours, “the fact that you were kind enough to take the time to prepare it with me in mind already makes it wonderful.” You felt your hand press up to your chest, your fist curling up tightly near your heart. Alastor always knew what to say to make you feel better. He could be really gentle when he wanted to be. 

“Yea, and not only for ol’ Smiles ‘ere,” Angel spoke up, making you look down at him, “But you’ve made some bitchin’ good meals fer all of us.” he gestured to the crowd, gaining various murmurs of agreement and praise. You looked at everyone and their smiling faces and could feel your chest tightening. 

“Seriously, Sugar, ya freakin’ amazing.” Angel continued, giving you a warm smile. He suddenly grabbed onto his glass and raised it high, giving everyone a cocky grin. “Let’s hear it for y/n ya filthy sinnars!” 

Before you could comprehend, everyone had raised their glasses and gave a cheer of encouragement. You looked out to everyone and their genuine happiness and support, at a loss for words. You had organized all of this simply because you wanted to, but you had to admit, being recognised felt really good. A warmth began to spread into your chest, and a lump formed in your throat. 

It… wow, it had been so long since you’ve had friends like this.

You did your best to blink back tears at the gesture, not expecting to get so emotional over all of this. As you took a moment to acknowledge everyone, your gaze finally turned to Alastor. 

Oddly enough, he wasn’t looking at you, but he was looking at Angel. His eyebrows were tight as his grin stretched in an uncomfortable smile. You could tell he felt your gaze, cause soon his eyes flicked up to you, catching you watching him. In the blink of an eye, his expression softened as he grabbed his own glass, raising it high and giving you a heartening look. You shook the strange feeling from before and smiled back at him, grateful for his appreciation. 

The excitement settled down as everyone started serving themselves, the smell of the cooking becoming too much for everyone to ignore. You finally sat in your chair and reached out for Angel’s hand. The Spider Demon looked to you in surprise for a moment, taking in your smiling face.

“That was really sweet of you to say Angel,” you whispered, your grip on him tightening for a moment. You could feel yourself choking up again. “Seriously… Thank you.” Angel's face softened as he twisted his hand so it could grip on to yours. He began to open his mouth to respond.

In a mere moment, you could feel your chair lurch backwards, a panicked yelp escaping your throat as your hand was ripped out of Angel’s. Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing, looking at you in surprise. Angel turned in his seat and looked at you stupidly.

“... What the fuc-?”

Angel didn’t even get a chance to finish his statement as suddenly everyone chairs in your row shifted to the right, causing everyone to cry out and grip onto their seats in fear. Everyone on the other side of the table looked on in disbelief as their friends were shuffled around. 

To your surprise, while everyone shifted right, you slid to your left at lightning speed, the chair scraping loudly on the wooden floor. You suddenly jolted to a stop, and you held on for dear life at the force in which you were moving. Before you could recover, your chair lurched forward, propelling you back to the table and new place setting.

… Right next to Alastor.

You gasped in surprise, your heart racing in shock as you felt your knuckles turning white from gripping the seat so hard. You noticed something flicker beneath you, and your eyes managed to catch something. A shadow with a familiar Cheshire grin shimmied away from the feet of your chair before melting into the shade of the table. 

Your head whipped up to Alastor in disbelief. The Radio Demon had just finished serving himself jambalaya, not even looking in your direction as he tapped the serving spoon against his plate. With a cool expression, he turned his head to you and tilted his head to the side, as if nothing had happened.

“... Jambalaya~?” He pointed the spoon to the pot and looked at you expectantly.

Everyone stared for a moment, the room eerily quiet.

“.......... Alastor what the actual FUCK was that?!” Angel suddenly exploded, clearly very upset that his bestie was now 2 chairs away from him. Everyone else in your row nodded in agreement, perplexed at the sudden change in seating. Alastor didn't turn his head, nor look at Angel. The Radio Demon simply took your plate and began serving you the ride dish, his expression surprisingly calm and attention only on you.

“Just say when dear~”

Your eyes darted from Alastor to Angel, unsure of what to even do or say. Angel’s face scrunched up into a scowl, clearly displeased with being ignored.

“Hey! Freaky Face! I’m talkin’ to ya!” he growled, his hands tightening into fists. Alastor continued to ignore the spider, continuing to serve you as if it was just the two of you in the room. 

“My my, hungry now are we y/n dearest~?” Alastor grinned cheekily. You were still so dumbstruck, your gaze finally fell to your plate and you quickly realized just how full it was getting. Awkwardly looking between Angel and Alastor, you softly murmured a 'w-when'. Alastor gave a hum of approval and tapped the spoon on your plate before setting it back down in front of you. 

“Hah, ok Asshole. I see how it is.” Angel chuckled darkly to himself, “I get it. Ya just hate ta see anyone else gettin’ cozy with our little chef. I’ll admit, I didn’t take ya for the jealous type.”

That seemed to catch Alastors attention.

It was only for a moment, and only you were able to catch it sitting so close to him. But you noticed the Radio Demon’s pupils flash, and his one eyelid twitch as his smile grew dangerously wide. But in an instant, Alastor calmed his expression and was back to his suave self. Taking a breath, he finally turned his head to Angel.

“Oh please.” He drawled, his eyes looking at him with boredom, “I simply figured it only made sense for our wonderful chef to sit next to the demon who inspired tonight’s dish. Wouldn’t you agree y/n~?” He turned his head to you and slowly leaned in, giving you a pleasant smile. You felt your heart leap at suddenly being caught off guard, unsure of what to say.

“I, ah, well-!” 

Everyone's eyes were on you, and you suddenly felt very self conscious. Being put on the spot like this, and feeling as if you had to choose between your two friends, it was becoming very overwhelming. Unbeknownst to you, Charlie looked at you with such pity, and felt her own blood begin to boil at the situation these men put you in. Placing her hands on the table, the Princess of Hell rose from her chair, her face suddenly very authoritative.

“Both of you need to stop this nonsense.” She stated, looking down at both Angel and Alastor disapprovingly. “Y/n put a lot of effort into making this dinner special; and I won't allow you to ruin it over something so petty!” She continued to glare at them judgingly before turning her attention to you, giving you a quick comforting smile and nod. You felt your shoulders relax and smile back at her, feeling grateful for her support. She really was growing into her royal title. 

Angel had his arms crossed and was clearly still pissed, but there was a mix of shame in his eyes after being called out. Alastor’s face remained surprisingly calm, turning to look over at you. He noticed your posture and expression, his eyes calculating as he assessed the situation. Finally he turned back to the table.

“Our Princess is right of course~!” He smiled, lifting a hand and placing it on your shoulder, “I would hate for all of dear y/n’s efforts to be neglected. She has worked so hard; let us forget about all this nonsense and enjoy this wonderful meal~!” His eyes slid to Angels and gave him a hard stare. The Spider demon glared right back, his jaw tight and eyes furrowed with hatred. But after glancing at both you and Charlie, and seeing your faces, he finally grumbled in defeat. With a huff, Angel reached for another cheddar biscuit and slouched in his seat, ending the feud.  

You finally released the breath you were holding as everyone shrugged their shoulders and returned their focus to their plates. You felt Alastors grip on your shoulder tighten for a moment, making you turn to him. 

“Are you quite alright my dear?” He asked, an eyebrow raised in question. Despite the calm look on his face, you knew he wouldn't be asking if he wasn't genuinely concerned. You sighed and felt a smile spread across your face, giving his hand a pat in reassurance. 

“Yeah, I’m ok Al,” you started, beginning to shake your head and grin as you thought about the shenanigans he pulled earlier. “But seriously, there’s no need to be so jealous. If you want to sit beside me, just say so.” You looked up to him playfully, your previously conflicted emotions melting away. Alastor stared at you for a moment, his eye’s lidded and giving you a blank stare before turning to his plate. Removing his hand from your shoulder, he picked up his utensils and was suddenly very focused on his meal.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about y/n~” he replied. He scooped up a spoonful of rice and shrimp. You could feel your eyes crinkling as you watched him knowingly.

“Uh huh~” you smirk. 

The Radio Demon ignored you and took his first bit of jambalaya. Your grin slowly began to fall as you watched him pull the spoon out from his lips, your previous nerves from earlier settling in again. You watched his expression with baited breath as he tasted your cooking. 

His appearance didn’t change much; his eyes looking down at the food beneath him, eyes flickering over the plate. After a moment, his eyelids sank down closed as he continued to chew, allowing all of his senses to focus on the flavor. You could feel your leg begin to jiggle anxiously; seriously it was sad how badly you wanted this man’s approval. 

The demon lifted his head and gulped his mouthful down, eyes still closed and lips in a small pressed smile. You held your breath as you waited for his verdict. Alastor’s smile grew wider as he lowered his head back to the plate, opening his eyes and looking fondly at the dish below him. 

“Well well~” he chuckled, finally turning his head to you and giving you an impressed look, “I have to admit, this is as close as anyone has ever gotten.” 

You felt your heart stop.

Is he shitting you right now?

“Of course,” he continued, scooping another spoonful and inspecting it, “it is missing a few things; she’d usually add sausage as well, and probably a bit more spice to it.” he looked fond for a moment, seeming to reminisce to days gone by.

“Nevertheless, it does still taste like home~” He took another bite and once again closed his eyes, savoring the flavors. 

You felt lighter than a feather. 

Of course you knew you’d never get it exactly right. But holy crap you were so relieved that it met his expectations. You were so giddy you had to bite your lip to prevent yourself from squealing, practically doing a little happy dance in your chair. Satisfied with Alastors response, you grabbed onto your own spoon and began to happily dig in.

You were so carefree in your own little world, you didn’t even notice Alastor sneaking a glance at you. Or how his lips curled up ever so slightly at your antics before turning back to his plate. 

The rest of the evening went on without a hitch. Everyone gorged themselves until they were ready to burst, and complimented you on such a flavorful meal. You were so flustered with all the praise; despite the little quarrel that had happened earlier, you couldn’t have been more pleased with how the night went. And you felt more confident with your cooking now that you had Alastor’s official stamp of approval.

The group of demons eventually began to trickle out of the room, ready to immediately flop onto the closest comfortable furniture they could find. You giggled at their behavior and wished you could do the same, but you still had to clean up before you could clock off work. With a final stretch, you turn back to the table and are surprised to see Alastor still in his chair, leaning back comfortably and eyes closed.

“Truly a wonderful evening y/n dearest,” he sighed, opening a single eye to look at you, “There’s something about dining with a group of folks that brings out a certain camaraderie, don’t you think~?” You sighed happily as you approached the table.

“Honestly, it was something I had forgotten I had missed since coming to Hell,” you smiled, beginning to stack the plates and collecting utensils. “I’m just happy to do my part in getting demons to open up more and earn everyone’s trust.”

Alastor said nothing in return, simply watching you as you accumulated the dirty dishes. His eyebrow quirked up before he finally raised his hand and snapped his fingers. Shadows emerged from under the table, making you gasp and almost drop your stack of plates. The same shaded goons from your first week at the hotel appeared beside you and began collecting all the dishes. You begin to tumble over words of protests, but they didn’t pay attention to you as they continued to clean, one even grabbing the stack in your hands and waddling to the kitchen.

“Alastor!” you laugh, turning to him in bewilderment, “Call your minions off; seriously I can clean all of this up myself.” But the Radio Demon merely waved a hand to you as he rose from his seat.

“Don’t bother arguing with me my dear,” he sassed, “You’ve done more than enough tonight; consider this my way of thanking you for a marvelous feast.” 

You sighed at him, slightly annoyed. But you had to admit, you were grateful for his help. Today had surprisingly taken its toll on you, physically and emotionally, and you were so tired from it all. You smiled up at him, rocking back and forth on your feet sheepishly.

“... Thank you Al. Honestly.” you paused for a moment, thinking about everything he had done for you in the month you’d been here. And asking for nothing in return. It was out of character for him.

“I just…” you sighed, making Alastor tilt his head quizzically to you. “I just want to say I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for me. You gave me this job, helped me settle in and feel comfortable, and because of it all I even got to make new friends…” You saw Alastors eyes narrow for a moment and you had to bite back the knowing grin. You cleared your throat and continued.

“But I hope you know,” you hummed, “that I’ll always consider you my first real friend down here. And that I’m really grateful to have been given this chance to get close to you.”

Alastor looked at you long and hard for a moment, the air between you calm and quiet. His static sound shuffled for a second before he finally straightened his back and stood taller, his lips pressed together into a large smile. The red demon glided over to you, and softly patted your head, shaking his head in amusement.

“Ohhh y/n, y/n, y/n,” he sighed, opening his eyes and quirking an eyebrow, “I do often wonder how someone like yourself ended up down here.” Now it was your turn to cock an eyebrow as you gave him a cheeky smile.

“Al, you know exactly how I got down here.”

“Ah, that’s right.” A chuckle escaped his lips, and you knew for a fact he still found your death thoroughly entertaining. “By the way, you didn’t happen to sneak anything into our meal today, now did you~?” He gave you an impish grin. You burst out laughing.

“You asshole!” you guffawed, shoving his hand on your head away playfully, to which the demon snickered evilly. As your laughter simmered down, looked at you a moment before tilting his head up, eyes closed.

“I still stand by my previous statement,” he mused. “The type of folks in this realm are not worthy of such kindness. You should be careful as to whom you trust around here.” He opened his eyes, and his crimson gaze fell to yours. His expression shifted into a serious one at his last statement, making your grin falter for a moment. But only for a moment. 

“Well, it’s a good thing I have you around then, isn’t it?” You smiled, taking a step towards him.

Alastors gaze widened a moment, his eyes flickering over your face. It wasn’t often that you caught the Radio Demon off guard, but the rare moments when you did, you couldn’t help but feel a little pride. Finally, Alastor began to chuckle, shaking his head at you again. After taking a breath, he looked back down at you, a surprising fondness donning his face.

“Hmmm, I suppose it is~”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

..... Alastor doesn't like to share ¬‿¬ Fun fact: Angel like's to give you food-related nicknames. Baby Cakes, Sugar, Puddin', Honey Bunz, ect.

FIRST PREVIOUS NEXT

[yongility]

NEO TV # I LIKE ME BETTER WHEN I'M WITH YOU. (jaehyun x reader) 5/?

genre: angst, suggestive, gang au, rich kid au, enemies to lovers (kinda), a lil of fluffy stuff. slowburn, series.

warnings: drug use mentions, gangs, fights, use of weapons, adult language, illegal activities, cheating (not on the main couple), toxic family environment, addictions, manipulation, insecurities, illegal street racing, death mentions. jeno is jaehyun's younger brother, angst, smut and if I slip something my bad haha.

word count: +10k?

a/n: IT'S YONGILITY COMEBACK!!!! Haha I'm sorry this took too long to post!! But I wasn’t feeling it y'know? I couldn’t write anyyyyything to my liking, I was like in a block mood:( but here it is. IM SORRY I gotta confess that it faces me the ick when I try to write smut HAHAHHA but some of you asked so i deliver 🙂‍↔️.

I'm sorry if this is too long TT, but this is kinda a slowburn? it might contain a lot of parts so wait for part 6! One of the reasons this is long af it's because I would like to show you how Jaehyun and (Y/ N's life is before they get together! So pls pls don't skip anything I hope you like it!

if you want to be in the taglist, just lemme know;) enjoy!

When the atmosphere had changed; when the music no longer thumped in their ears and the roar of the engines was left behind, the silence was torturous in the strange scene they found themselves in.

It was rare to see Jung Jaehyun, Wong Lucas, and Mark Lee in the same place these days.

It had been almost a year since they had last properly spoken to Mark, and that last time had not been very pleasant.

Lucas preferred to bury that memory deep in his mind, where he could almost forget it; however, Jaehyun remembered it vividly… he recalled shouting, hurtful words, and maybe even a fight…

And now, being there, in Lucas's house, face to face, felt almost like a dramatic scene. Lucas could feel the strong tension between the two boys in front of him; they had been at his house for quite a while but hadn't said a word since they arrived, and it was making him nervous.

“What do you know and how do you know it?” Jaehyun blurted out harshly, his arms crossed over his chest, staring intently at Mark.

Mark let out a sigh and swallowed slowly.

Jaehyun's gaze was never easy to hold.

Talking about the incident with Winwin and everything that had happened as a result was something that still moved him, and it was hard to find just the right words.

But he had to do it.

Jaehyun needed closure as much as he did.

“After our argument that day, I really needed answers. I couldn’t see what had happened and do nothing,” he began to explain. “The nights were endless for me, I went days without sleeping, the situation with Winwin really affected me… and that’s when I found Qian Kun. He… he’s from China, like Winwin. Right now, he’s not related to any gang, but… he knows a lot of people, here and there, he has a lot of contacts. He told me he would help me find out who sent those people to Winwin’s house.”

“In exchange for what?” Lucas questioned.

“Protection,” Mark answered curtly without looking at either of the two boys in front of him. “Kun fled the gang he was part of in China… he has no support from anyone. Kun knows a lot about many people in that gang, he was one of the youngest members to join. He knows everything about them and thinks they will come looking for him one day… if they aren’t already,” he explained.

Jaehyun kept his gaze fixed on him but now with a hint of confusion.

“Why would you trust someone who fled his gang? You didn’t even know him before, the guy just showed up and offered to find all this information for you?” Jaehyun asked incredulously. “I don’t know about you, but that sounds like bullshit to me,” he said to Lucas. “How do we know he isn’t lying?”

“Why should we believe you?” Lucas now questioned.

“There would be no reason for me to lie about this,” Mark clarified while still under the questioning gazes of the boys in front of him. “Kun and I have common interests.”

“What’s Kun’s story?” Lucas asked. “Why did he leave his gang to come to SM City?”

“Is that really necessary?”

“I don’t trust someone who fled their gang,” Jaehyun responded.

Mark sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “People from his gang killed his girlfriend in front of him,” he said shortly.

Lucas and Jaehyun flinched at the thought of the sight Kun must have seen, and they both kept quiet.

“They thought she was a mole. That she was selling whatever type of information she heard from Kun to their rival gang,” Mark continued. “They shot her in front of him. No second thoughts. Nothing… He was going to propose the day after that.”

Jaehyun always knew that gang life came with a lot of risks. He knew there would always be fights, threats, and in the worst-case scenario… he knew death was just around the corner. He knew he was hurt from his friend's accident, but he couldn’t imagine the kind of pain this Kun guy had felt when his girlfriend was killed right in front of him.

To know that the person you loved most… with whom you were committed to building a life together, creating something new; vanished so quickly that you couldn’t even say goodbye. To have imagined a life with that person, only to have any beautiful illusion you created in such a horrible life taken away.

Not even the good moments could be enjoyed while they were part of Neo Zone.

“That’s why he fled,” Mark continued. “The night his girlfriend was killed, Kun left the city, he couldn’t even say goodbye to her. That’s why he knows they are looking for him, they think he’s also selling information,” he finished.

“So…” Lucas cleared his throat.

“So Kun understands what it felt like when I tried to find answers as to why, why they did that to Sicheng's family. And he decided to help me, in exchange for being able to take shelter in my house and for me to provide him protection.”

“That guy is staying at your house?” Jaehyun asked incredulously.

“It’s part of the deal,” Mark replied. “Look guys, what I’m about to tell you is crucial information… and I’m not here to tell you expecting us to do something about it. I just know that you need closure just as much as I did,” he commented as he approached them.

“I don’t need closure,” Jaehyun said. “I need to make them suffer the same way Winwin has been suffering for the past year”

“There’s no way to do that,” Mark assured. “And before anything, I… I really want to apologize to you. Especially to you, Jaehyun.” Mark turned his gaze to the mentioned boy and could notice the coldness in his eyes.

“You blamed me” Jaehyun said with a deep voice. “You put the blame on me” he repeated.

“I was angry, okay? And I know that doesn’t justify anything, but I was hurt and I didn’t what to do” Mark explained.

“So was I! Do you know how many times I couldn’t sleep thinking of your words? How they may be true? How many times I tried to imagine what would have happened if I stayed with Sicheng instead of going to make that delivery? When you put the blame on me, I blamed myself day and night. The three first months I couldn’t even go to see Winwin on the hospital without thinking that was my fault. I was so angry with you, with myself that u didn’t knew if I could kept going… and when I realized that it wasn’t my fault… I told myself that I would do anything to find who did it and that I have to do the same thing to them so they would know how Winwin is feeling every passing day.”

The frustration in Jaehyun's voice was noticeable. Lucas understood his friend; after all, he was the one who had accompanied him throughout that phase. On the day of Winwin's accident, Lucas had actually lost three friends. The first, in the hospital, left to the mercy of the universe; the second, Mark, who decided to take a different path; and the third, Jaehyun, who was never the same after the situation.

Jaehyun had always been a curt person, but when the quartet of friends got together, it was as if a different air hit Jaehyun. When the four of them were together, he could feel how he himself loved joking around with them, maybe forgetting a little about his life in Neo Zone and together imagining what life would be like if their reality weren't real.

But when Mark Lee decided to change his path after blaming him for Winwin's accident, it was as if he had lost the little spark he had within him.

“I know, that’s why I’m apologizing,” murmured Mark.

“Right now, your apologies make no difference,” Jaehyun confessed.

Mark remained silent and nodded slowly, taking a moment to think things through and how the next confession could turn the whole world upside down.

His eyes moved to Jaehyun's neck, where the gang tattoos were visible, then to Lucas's body, where the same tattoo was visible on his upper arm thanks to the sleeveless shirt he wore. After swallowing hard, he could feel the heat in his abdomen, where the same mark was.

It disgusted him.

It disgusted him to think that all this was something they could never erase, in some way, and that the memory of the gang would always be with them, imprinted on their skin with no chance of disappearing.

It was as if it burned his skin.

“I just want to let you know, that after I tell you everything I know, there’s no way you can take matters into your own hands,” Mark warned. “I needed closure, knowing what caused all this might help… and I think you deserve that closure too.”

“Get to the point,” Lucas demanded, crossing his arms.

“It was Sooman,” he blurted out without hesitation. Direct and clear.

Jaehyun might have misheard, “What did you say?”

“The person who caused all this was Sooman,” he repeated firmly.

“What are you talking about? You’re crazy,” Lucas muttered.

While Jaehyun remained silent and processed the words, the image of his boss lingered in his mind. He knew Sooman was capable of many things; he had seen them himself, but there was no way he would do something like that to Sicheng’s family.

Why would he do it? If Winwin’s father was one of his best men? Who offered him more loyalty?

Mark Lee’s words simply didn’t make sense.

“I thought I told you not to mess with this,” Jaehyun threatened through gritted teeth.

“I’m telling the truth!” Mark exclaimed. “It was hard for me to understand at first too, but after going over the matter many times, it made sense.”

“Sense?” Jaehyun asked. “It makes no sense. Sooman can be many things, but why would he do that to my Uncle Dong? He was one of his most loyal men; it would be foolish of him to do something like that.”

“It may be foolish, but for someone with the power Sooman has, it doesn’t matter,” Mark insisted. “And he has enough power to have hidden this for a year.”

“Let’s go,” Jaehyun said, giving Lucas a light pat on the back. “I’m not listening to this guy any longer.”

“No matter how much you try to deny it, this is the truth, Jaehyun.”

“But why would Sooman do something like that?” Lucas now intervened.

“It took me time to understand, but by finding all the threads, I was able to piece it together. This accident isn’t the only thing he’s been responsible for,” Mark explained. “Our Uncle Dong had planned to leave the gang; I don’t know if his plan was to try to get out through Sooman or just flee,” he said. Jaehyun and Lucas looked at him confused, and he continued. “Do you remember that time when we were gathered at Jaehyun’s house and Sicheng asked if, hypothetically speaking, he moved to China, would we make the effort to visit him?”

The two boys nodded.

“Winwin already knew about his father’s plans to leave SM City,” Mark clarified. “Sooman found out about this through Cheol Uk; he thought Uncle Dong was planning a betrayal. After all, he was one of his closest men and knew more information than any of us should know,” he paused. “That led him to where he is now.”

“But why would Uncle Dong want to return to China? He left there to work for Sooman here in SM City, he had a settled life and a high position in the gang,” Lucas questioned. “Why would he leave all that to go back to the place he initially sought to escape from?”

“Uncle Dong found out many things in the last few months before he died,” Mark explained, looking at Jaehyun. “He realized that at any moment, Sooman could do to him what he had done to others…” he paused, swallowing slightly.

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun inquired.

“When Sooman realizes that his best men might turn against him… he thinks it’s easier to just get rid of them,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Because that’s exactly what he did to your dad, Jaehyun.”

“What?”

That word got stuck in his throat. He could barely voice it. He wanted to understand and process what Mark had just said, but it was difficult.

It was difficult because just mentioning his dad, his mind clouded with memories of that night when his father died. He remembers seeing the blood spread all over the floor, remembers the sound of the gunshots deafening his body, and above all, remembers how much that situation changed his life.

The words didn’t process in his mind. He spent years trying to find out who had killed his father, but he took it for granted when Sooman said it had been Busan gang members.

He could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Who did Mark Lee think he was to come with all this?

“You better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up,” Jaehyun said with anger as he got closer to Mark and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

“Fuck this shit, Yoonoh, I’m telling you the truth,” Mark spat. “You can’t be all defensive about this shit. What I know is the truth. You wanna know all these years who did that to your pops? Well, I’m telling you, it was fucking Sooman,” Mark said close to him.

Lucas tried to pull Jaehyun back by his shoulder but couldn’t do anything.

“Sooman was the one who ordered the shooting the night you were out with your dad. And if you’re wondering why? It was because he needed to get rid of your father before he gained more power than him… that’s why he took you under his wing… because he knew he could manipulate you and make you work his way… something he couldn’t do with your dad anymore,” Mark said as he felt Jaehyun’s grip loosen on his neck until he could take a few steps back. “Something he couldn’t do with Uncle Dong either.”

Jaehyun looked him directly in the face, and his whole body shivered.

“The night of Winwin’s accident, he wasn’t supposed to be there. The attack was only meant for Uncle Dong… Sooman wanted to do to Winwin the same thing he did to you,” he explained. “That’s why in the first months of treatment, he was supporting us… he wanted to clear his name and not have us suspect him.”

Jaehyun and Lucas remained silent for a minute, then Jaehyun moved furiously and tried to leave the place.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” he said through gritted teeth as he tried to head for the door, but Lucas and Mark stopped him.

“I told you I wasn’t going to tell you all this for you to do something stupid,” Mark said. “What will you do? Try to kill him? As soon as you do, they’ll put a bullet in your head.”

“I don’t give a shit; I want them to suffer the same way Winwin has suffered… the same way my father suffered,” Jaehyun explained, feeling a lump in his throat.

He couldn’t allow himself to be weak.

Not when he had discovered what he had been wanting to know for so long.

“Trying to take revenge won’t change things; if anything, it will make them worse,” Lucas said after a while.

“You couldn’t get close to Sooman even if you wanted to; you know you can’t bring him down. It’s you against a hundred other people in the gang,” Mark continued. “You wouldn’t get out alive even if you begged all the saints.”

“Why would you tell me all of this if I couldn’t do shit about it?” Jaehyun asked, breathing deeply.

“Because I know you needed answers… the same way I did,” Mark replied. “Jaehyun, I know my word doesn’t mean anything to you, but please don’t fuck it up,” he asked. “I know you’re a smart guy. Be smart and don’t get in trouble. You got your answers now, be wise with your decisions.”

The boy remained silent and looked at the whole room in front of him.

His head was going to explode if he didn't get out of there immediately. Everything was spinning, as if the moment of realization was eating him alive. He had waited for this for months, but now that he knew everything... what would change?

Now he only wanted to know the best way to take matters into his own hands.

He needed divine justice.

It was as if it were his only goal right now.

Maybe remembering the moment he had lived hours earlier with Winwin finally having a reaction was what made him think more and more about the situation.

But making a rash decision right now would be putting his life on the line.

How much did he value his life to do it?

_______________________________________________

The clock was perhaps about to strike 1:00 am. She wasn't sure. She had stopped checking the time maybe a while ago.

Her mind couldn't stop spinning around the same issue over and over again.

The issue being none other than Jaehyun.

Lying on her bed in the silence of her room, (Y/N) could hear the beats of her heart resonating in her ears.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

She had called Jaehyun maybe fifty times by now, but her phone lay silent on her nightstand.

She wanted to understand everything. She wanted to understand Jaehyun.

But it was so difficult.

Her mind couldn't process all the events and emotions that had happened in just one day... from experiencing Winwin's reaction at the rehabilitation center, to feeling ecstatic in Jaehyun's company, only to have it all fall apart with Mark Lee's arrival.

She wanted to understand but couldn't.

What was it that Mark wanted to talk to Jaehyun about?

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Perhaps her heartbeats were drowned out by the knocks on her window because she could barely react when she saw a silhouette outside.

How could Jaehyun dare to do that?

When she could finally react, her body leaped a mile a second from her bed, and when she opened the window, she could see how agitated the boy was, and without thinking twice, she threw herself against him to support him against her chest.

Jaehyun said nothing, just placed his weight on the girl's body.

He knew he had lost when seeking her comfort was necessary to get through this night.

He knew he had lost when he couldn't even finish breaking free from her embrace.

Jaehyun's head would surely explode at any moment. His whole day had been an emotional rollercoaster, everything that had happened was piling up more and more in his mind, but he didn't want to break. He couldn't allow himself to.

One minute. Five minutes. Ten minutes.

Perhaps more time had passed while they were in that position, but even though she quite liked the moment, (Y/N) had to end it.

"Come in before someone notices you're here," she murmured, pulling him inside the room.

"Are your parents home?" the boy asked quietly.

"Not yet. They went out for a 'business dinner,' but my dad's guards are still lurking around," she explained, leading him to her bed. After a few minutes of silence, she continued. "Why are you here? What happened with Mark?" she asked quietly.

Without a single word, (Y/N) could see how broken Jaehyun was at that moment.

He didn't even look her in the eyes, his hands barely able to caress hers, and his shoulders were tense.

It was strange to see him like that, and it made her want to know what had happened.

"Right now, you're the only one who can keep me on track," Jaehyun murmured.

(Y/N) swore her heart could break right then and there.

"Jaehyun? What are you talking about? What happened?" she asked, trying to catch his gaze but failing.

Jaehyun sighed. "I really don't want to think about it right now. I don't want to overthink it any more than I already have. I need to block all that out for a moment."

"Jaehyun..." the girl murmured. "I want to understand you."

"Please, not now."

Why was she able to bring out all his vulnerability?

And she didn't even notice when a tear fell onto her hand.

He couldn't cry. Not right now. Not in front of her.

"Jaehyun..."

"Let's not talk about it now," he murmured, placing his hand on the girl's jaw and pressing his lips to hers. "I need to forget."

He didn't know how he got to this point, but he could taste the cherry flavor of the girl's chapstick, mixed with the salty taste of the tear that had run down to his lips.

He didn't even know when the kiss had turned into an unbridled one.

He needed to free himself.

He needed to forget everything.

The girl melted into the kiss. It felt like being in the clouds, feeling Jaehyun's long hands partially caressing her body. Now, she felt familiar with Jaehyun's lips and felt safe with him.

And it felt good to see a different side of Jung Jaehyun's reality.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

(Y/N) felt euphoric when Jaehyun put his hands on her waist and helped her settle into his lap. Her body felt warm; she was sure her cheeks were red, and she believed the color would turn even redder when she let out a small moan feeling Jaehyun underneath her.

She felt a smile on her lips, and then Jaehyun's kisses moved to her neck.

"I don't know how you manage to distract me from anything out there," she said about her neck.

"Jae," she moaned slightly.

"You're gonna make me lose my shit," he said in her lips.

Jaehyun's lips moved to the girl's neck to gently stroke the area, his hands on her waist made the grip deeper and brought her even closer to him. Making her moan again.

"My parents could arrive at any moment," she said, with her head back and her eyes closed. Passing her hands through Jaehyun's hair and playing with it.

Jaehyun removed his lips from the girl's neck and turned to look at her with a loving smile.

"Tell me to stop right now if you want to," he asked with a dazed look while returning his kisses to the girl's neck, leaving them marked there.

The girl tightened her hands on the boy's hair and moaned.

"I need to hear it from your words, beautiful baby," Jaehyun asked.

(Y/N) moved her hands to Jaehyun's jaw and pulled him closer to give him a chaste kiss.

She shook her head and smiled. "I don't want you to stop now or ever," she assured him.

Jaehyun moved his hand to the girl's leg and maneuvered her position until she lay on her back on the bed, with Jaehyun over her and caressing every part of her body.

The pajama shirt that was placed over her torso disappeared after a few seconds, and the words got stuck in her mouth when Jaehyun gently touched her breasts.

She couldn't think of anything other than the man in front of her.

Doing everything. Touching everything. Loving everything.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

"Jae~ please~" she asked between moans.

"Please, what baby?"

"Please touch me. Anywhere. Just don't stop" she said.

Jaehyun smiled slightly, taking her little short off and leaving her all exposed to Jaehyun's mercy.

A breathy moan escaped her lips when his digits started to make their way towards her sensitive bundle of nerves. (Y/N) whined when he put more pressure in the spot, making her buck her hips towards him, provoking a smile in Jaehyun's face.

And it was then when he coated his middle and index finger with his saliva and slows inserted his fingers into her. She gasped at the stretch and her hands went to take a grab on her sheets not being able to word something out thanks to the incoherent moans she was letting out.

"Yeah baby, keep moaning like that" he asked dumbfounded.

He pulled (Y/N) into a heated kiss while he kept finger-fucked her, keeping his rhythm making her even wetter as every thrust from his fingers was made.

She could swear she could see stars just by the way his fingers entered her every passing second. She is unable to voice a praise for Jaehyun, but she thinks he doesn't care, because it looks like he prefers moans and whines.

"You look to fucked out and it's just been my fingers" he said kissing her neck and then going straight for her breasts.

She tried to adjust her legs more so he can have more accessibility to her entrance and that gives him the green light to keep with everything. So his pace became faster and harder. His fingers were coming in and out reaching a sensitive spot inside of her. Sensitive enough to be close to cumming.

"Fuck, Jae... 's getting too much" she said bucking her hips towards his fingers and the hand that Jaehyun had free was in her abdomen trying to pin her to the bed.

A strangled moan escaped her mouth and the knot in her stomach was getting tighter.

She can barely see the smile Jaehyun had in his face, but when she was so close to cum, he took out his fingers, to lick all of her arousal up and then kissing her.

"You're so pretty" he worded. "Even so dumbfucked like this" he clean the sweat in her forehead while smiling. "I'm gonna make you feel so good"

"Yes, Jae?" She smiled. "Gonna make me feel good?"

"So good baby, you won't be able to word something out"

The heat of the night was making her feel like she was in cloud nine. So that's why her hands sneakily found the waistband of his jeans; tugging the material of the way trying to get a hold of his dick but Jaehyun stopped her grabbing her hand and taking matters in his own hands and taking his jeans off along with his underwear releasing his throbbing cock. (Y/N) hands went straight to palm his dick and draw a line in one of the prominent veins that were situated in his hardness.

"Baby, could you spread those pretty legs for me?" (Y/N) did as she was told so and spread her legs just for Jaehyun be able to position between them. She liked how Jaehyun could be so vocal while she just was a mess under him, Jaehyun dick twitched just at he sight of her being so ready to have him, looking all pretty underneath him and then he didn't waste any more time as he took his cock in his hand to line up his tip in her dripping cunt.

They both let out moans as he pushed forward until she was filled up. His eyes were looking right to the middle of both of them, watching greedy the way his dick disappeared into her entrance. Just as it was made for him to fill up.

"God, Jaehyun...i feel so full" she whined as she rolled her eyes and started letting out messy moans.

"Y'a feel me in there, pretty girl?" He asked as he put his hand on her stomach seeing the bulk that was there.

"Yes Jae! You're so deep"

Hearing that was enough to Jaehyun to lose his mind and pulled his hips back, dragging so slowly his tip along her sensitive walls and then smack his hips, burying his entire girth inside of her cunt with a messy moan.

His pace was like that the next minutes. Reporting his motion over and over again, leaving some kisses here and there while he got a grip in her hips trying to keep her in place when he slammed his cock so deep in her.

Jaehyun was just too pussydrunk that he had to start pound into her sopping cunt to keep him sane. "Gonna fill you up. So hard. You'll only think of me the rest of your life"

"Fuck yes. Want that, want that so bad"

She didn't think Jaehyun could go harder, but she was wrong, because the moment she mouthed that word out, the pace of his hips were insane, slamming so good all the way up to her cervix making her let the most filthiest moans he could ever hear. He reached out her clit with one of her hands and started to play with it to make her cum.

She didn't know how she could last this longer but it was enough when Jaehyun slammed into an specific point that she just lost it. She let out a strangled moan and she gripped his shoulders as her life dependent on it. She saw white flashed light the moment she came, feeling all of her arousal coat Jaehyun's coat as he fucked her drip into her. A couple of thrust more were enough for Jaehyun to release his seed into her, letting a grunt out and steady himself.

"You did such a great job baby" he whispered as he moved himself to lay beside her and embrace her in his arms. He looked to her sleepy eyes and wiped some of her sweat out of her forehead to then let a small kis in there. "Such a pretty baby"

Being too worked out to speak, she rested her head into his chest to fall asleep in his embrace, feeling the sweet kisses Jaehyun was leaving in her head and zoning out.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Possibly now the clock was approaching 4:00 am. Jaehyun hadn't been able to sleep at all.

After the euphoria had subsided from his body... The events of the previous day returned to terrorize his mind.

He lightly caressed (Y/N)'s shoulder as his head spun. What could he do? What would he do? Even with the faint light entering through the window of the room, he could observe the space around him; he swore that the girl's room was three times larger than his own living room. He wanted to take a look around at his surroundings and noticed that everything there was much more expensive than he could ever afford.

The room's atmosphere was far more than he was used to.

Much more than he could fit into.

Realizing all of this in such a short time was like a slap in the face to himself.

Because he never deserved (Y/N), no matter how much he wanted to.

And he didn't want to drag another person into a hole they couldn't escape from.

Mark's words echoed in his head, and Qian Kun's story ended up burning him... Because if he continued with all this... would (Y/N) end up like Kun's girlfriend? Like his father? Like Winwin?

Just thinking about it made him feel an overwhelming urge to vomit.

But what an unjust life.

Didn't he even have the right to love?

Jaehyun couldn't hide his past and erase his present. If he wanted to do it, he had to face it, but... How could he confront Sooman if he couldn't come out of it alive?

How could he say goodbye to what was embracing him right now?

But if he wanted the justice he needed... He had to do it, even if it cost him something precious, he had to do it.

Even so, there was no way he could fulfill anything that (Y/N) wanted.

They didn't live in the same reality, and it wouldn't end well for either of them.

So, giving one last look at the sleeping girl beside him, he managed to get out of bed and gather his things to dress as quietly as possible... walk towards the window and see her one last time before fleeing from there.

No explanation. No farewell.

Not knowing if it was the last time they would meet in life.

And he regretted it so much.

a/n: I hope you liked even though in took me weeeeeeks to post hahaha, love y’all! NOT PROOFREAD!

taglist is open! if you want to be added just lemme know;)

taglist: @spicyryujin @daegalismybiasinnct @peachfulnight @gojoscumslut @bluedbliss @dear-97 @girlwholovespreppyattire @hana-off-icial @cigarettesafterjae @beomgyusonlywife @bts-iris @doejaejung @methneo @kriizztin @mrsuhnshine @pieddpiperr (idk why some of the tags just doesn’t work out! 😔)

If you want to ask me something, feel free to send them here!

[theautisticjedi]

'This is not Kamala's fault' I mean. It kinda is.

You tried to court Republicans who were never gonna vote for you anyway (and didn't) instead of focusing on the youth vote. She had only four months to get people to vote for her because Biden was too cowardly to step down, so that's fighting a battle uphill, which is not entirely her fault. You doubled down on securing the border, which most leftists are against/have concerns about the way these immigrants are treated. You doubled down on your support of the ongoing genocide instead of taking a strong ceasefire stance, which a lot of younger people care about.

Was her being a woman a reason she didn't win? Absolutely. Was her being black a reason she didn't win? Absolutely. Was rampant disinformation a reason she didn't win? Absolutely. Was her campaign strategy a reason she didn't win? Absolutely. Was her support for the ongoing genocide a reason she didn't win? Absolutely.

Am I annoyed at people who voted third party? Yes. But those third party votes would not have done much to get her to win.

Am I even more annoyed at people who didn't vote? Yes. Especially those who didn't vote not because they hated both candidates, but because they didn't care.

Democrats need to learn they can't just hold people's rights over their heads every election. The people are tired.

Do you remember at the DNC conference when people wearing Palestine shirts got kicked out? Do you remember when they laughed in the protesters' faces? Instead of supporting these people, or even just ignoring them, they got nervous, it would make them look bad and kicked them out. They have no spine. They're too worried about losing money than raising their voice.

You can't just keep saying 'well the other side is worse' every single time. We all know that.

The democrats will attack black people, mulisms, and trans people for not voting for them, even though those demographics primarily did. But they'll ignore the demographics that didn't because they either see it as a lost cause or because they think they don't need them.

If you made it to the end of this post, take a very deep breath. Take a break from your phone for an hour, go wash your hands, use the bathroom, take a shower, eat something, brush your hair, go outside, play with your pets, go to a rage room, go to a cat cafe, watch your favorite movie, read that book you've been meaning to forever, take a pain relief pill (because I bet you have a headache right now), drink some water you're dehydrated.

Don't sit in defeat, get angry, and use that anger. Demand change from the democrats. Don't take anything that happens in the next four years lying down. Get angry. Get angry at people who voted for him. Get angry at democrats turning a blind eye to genocide.

And remember one thing. You must outlive Donald Trump. You can do it. It's what got me through 2016-20. Do it out of spite. Do it out of rage. They want you to lay down and die, but you must get up. You must keep going. When you're feeling hopeless, just remind yourself that you will see the news that he has died sometime in your future. Maybe not as soon as you like, but it will happen. You will live to see a better world one day. And you will.

[sparetheninja]

My TMNT 2003 Tickle HC !!

Uhmmm first post I’m kinda nervous ngl (👉👈) but yehehe

Leonardo

Lee

• I like hc’ing strong serious people as super ticklish, so Leo is EXTRAORDINARILY ticklish.

• He would probably be tickled quite a lot by his brothers whenever he’s being too serious or angsty.

• His brothers also like tickling him because it gives them a sence of superiority and leadership over him + seeing their serious older brother becoming nothing more than a ball of laughter makes them happy.

• His sides.

• if you squeeze his sides he will SCREAM.

• Even just using one finger to lightly scrape down his sides will cause him to go crazy.

• Something that he refuses to admit (even if he’s being tickled to death) is that he genuinely doesn’t mind being tickled.

• If anything, he likes it.

• It makes him feel like he can finally be less serious and seeing his ler laugh along with him makes him feel warm.

• Little does he know, his brothers all kinda figured that out.

• I mean, he could whoop his ler’s shell easily if he wanted to, but he just doesn’t.

Ler

• He does not tickle people often…

• …which makes it worse when he does since its so unexpected.

• He can trap anyone , anyone , under his grasp and tickle them senseless.

• He teases people about their confidence, like; “Where did all your confidence go?” “I remember you said “(thing that made him tickle you)”, wanna say that again?” Ect…

• He only tickles people for playful revenge and doesn’t stop until he’s satisfied and/or gets a proper apology from his lee.

Raphael

Lee

• Now, he hates being tickled.

• That doesn’t mean he’s not ticklish.

• Since he hates being tickled, he will murder anyone who even attempts to tickle him.

• His stomach is SOOOO TICKLISH!!

• There are some instances where he can’t get out.

• And that is when Leo is the ler.

• He’s going to crumble down to nothing when Leo tickles him.

• Since he’s made it clear he doesn’t like to be tickled, Leo doesn’t really tickle him that often.

• Unless theyre in an argument or a (/j) physical fight.

Ler

• Him as a ler is a completely different story.

• He is a rough ler.

• He will pin his lee down and hold them down whilst he tickles them.

• He also likes to hold his lee’s arm to the side and use his free arm to tickle their side (bonus points if his lee can’t use their free arm to protect their side)

• He tickles people to either annoy them, or make Mikey his lee shut up.

• I’d say he’s the one tickling people the most.

• Probably because Mikey wont stop pissing him off.

• He will tease his lee by making them feel more vounrable, like; “C’mon, its only a bit of tickling…” “Ha! You can’t move at all, can you?” “I ain’t letting you go until ___…”

Donatello

Lee

• Sigh.

• I’m sorry guys.

• For some reason i just can’t see most Donatello’s as ticklish ….

• BUT DONT YOU WORRY!!

• Yes, i dont see most Donnie’s as ticklish (including 03), but that doesnt mean i wont make random HC’s.

• Ok so uhhhh, his stomach would be his tickle spot!

• Again, I’m sorry, but he’s not that ticklish 😭

• The most you’re gonna get out of him is perhaps a giggle (which Mikey hates.)

• Unless you team up with multiple people.

• Since he’s on everyones good list, no one really has any motives to gang up on him and tickle him,

• But if that were to happen, he would be screaming of laughter.

• I feel like he doesn’t mind being tickled (mostly cause he’s not super ticklish), and he hasn’t really tried to hide that fact either.

• He doesn’t hate it, he isn’t begging people to tickle him, its just kinda in between.

Ler

• He probably wont tickle people a lot.

• But he definetly does.

• He’s a light tickler, scribbling on his lee’s torso.

• But when time calls for it, he can and will be ruthless.

• Mostly with angsty Leo or annoying Mikey.

• He will dig into his lee’s tickle spot and absolutely murder them.

• Not to annoy them, but just to make them smile more or make them shut up. Cough. Mikey.

• If he finds out you’re ticklish, he will probably lightly tickle you to hear your laughter.

• He probably gives his lee a pat on the back or a bear hug when he’s done.

Michelangelo

Lee

• Oh, how he loves annoying his brothers.

• But if they don’t feel like whooping his shell (or Splinter is nearby) they will tickle every annoying word out of him and won’t stop until they get a proper apology.

• He is the most ticklish out of them all and gets tickled the most as well.

• Sometimes he purposely annoys his brothers so they can tickle him (lee mood fr).

• There have been multiple times where he has been gang tickled by all his brothers (canon because i said so)

• I’m telling you. Walking tickle spot.

• He is ticklish everywhere.

• I feel like his ribs and armpits would be especially ticklish.

• He would be like; “WAHAHAHAIT!! IHIM SAHAHAHAHA SOHORRYHAHA!” “NOT THEHERE!! PLEHEHEASE!!” “IHIT TIHIHICKLES!!”

Ler

• If he finds out you’re ticklish, consider it game over.

• He loves tickling people to either annoy them or to see them smile.

• He is a big teaser.

• “Aww, is someone ticklish?”

• “What was that? Sorry, can you repeat that?” *tickles his lee harder*

• If you’re shorter than him, he will pick you up whilst tickling you, making you thrash around in the air.

• Idk what else to add 😭