#for some definition of fine
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indefinite hiatus from tumblr [where 'indefinite' does not mean 'forever', merely 'a week? two weeks? a month? who even knows at this point']
still be available for DMs for a bit at least, but I'll not be checking my notifications or dash. tag me if you want me to see something in ??? time :)
love y'all
#been thinking about this for a bit anyhow#hopefully by the time i return i will have my life together! ha. ha.#hopefuly by the time i return i will have a cat. i have no idea of the likelihood of this#edit oh look the tags are becoming a mess#tw sh#tw suicide#16% mortality rate they say#i want to die and i want to harm and i don't want to eat ever again pls and thankyou <3 but i will be fine.#for some definition of fine#and yeah not taking a hiatus from discord yet tho i probably will in a bit#i don't even know lol im just here and existing and not wanting to be#i found a knife in my room i didn't know i had when i was cleaning up stuff. i gave it to my mum tho so there's nothin in my room etc#i mean. not like i don't know ways to harm and/or die with what i do have. thanks brain. but a) messy and b) parents would notice#honestly tho i do not see myself surviving until my twenty-first birthday. i just don't. not without at the very least a stint in a psych#hospital. which i DO NOT WANT if i can help it#but how to get that across to parents i wonder. they know about almost everything (almost).#they vaguely know im somewhat suicidal. but not to the extent it is. nor about the actual attempt. and that i shall not tell them. based on#the way they reacted to hearing i harm. nope. not telling them that.#anyway! can you tell i need a break from things xP#personal#just. yknow. keep me in your prayers#also yeah if anyone wants my discord just DM me for it
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modern gambit has two concerns and those are 1.) wife and 2.) cats. I love it
#razpost#marvel#gambit#remy lebeau#i know some people complain about flanderization in comics and it's definitely always a shame when characters get flattened but in this cas#i genuinely feel like that is all he wants out of life. he'd be fine if he got to stay at home and simply exist next to rogue with his cats#and occasionally go punch some people or break into someone's house. i feel like that's all he needs really
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they were in a situationship AND they were roommates
#feikong#feixiao#yukong#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai fanart#modern au#college au#they were definitely in a crazy situationship#toss in some unrequited feelings#delinquents until they joined the military and became old#at least they aged like fine wine#old woman yuri
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2.05 The Aftermath | 5.01 Nameless, Faceless
#criminal minds#criminalmindsedit#cmverse#cmverseedit#userparallels#elle greenaway#aaron hotchner#ellegreenawayedit#aaronhotchneredit#mine#edit#*#parallel*#i love parallels#tag meta#wordles#meta#~#otp: now i think i'm actually gonna miss that#i think about this a Very Normal Amount! and the fact that chris mundy wrote both! it's fine!!#i definitely don't lose my mind thinking about how hotch has absolutely put this together in his head at some point#how elle's assault and subsequent vigilantism and resignation absolutely rattled him to his core#(in part because of the guilt and in part because of his own thoughts/behavior in 1x17 with elle#(another chris mundy episode i might add!!) but that's a whole other can of worms)#how he understood the violation of what happened to her and made sure to personally remove all traces of it#(to atone for his part in what happened to her first and foremost but also because they were close. he understood her!)#and i definitely don't wonder if while it was happening. he thought that. maybe. this was retribution for his part in what happened to elle#i could scream about elle and hotch for days honestly
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Very interesting to me that a certain subset of the BES fandom's favourite iterations of Mizu and Akemi are seemingly rooted in the facades they have projected towards the world, and are not accurate representations of their true selves.
And I see this is especially the case with Mizu, where fanon likes to paint her as this dominant, hyper-masculine, smirking Cool GuyTM who's going to give you her strap. And this idea of Mizu is often based on the image of her wearing her glasses, and optionally, with her cloak and big, wide-brimmed kasa.
And what's interesting about this, to me, is that fanon is seemingly falling for her deliberate disguise. Because the glasses (with the optional combination of cloak and hat) represent Mizu's suppression of her true self. She is playing a role.
Take this scene of Mizu in the brothel in Episode 4 for example. Here, not only is Mizu wearing her glasses to symbolise the mask she is wearing, but she is purposely acting like some suave and cocky gentleman, intimidating, calm, in control. Her voice is even deeper than usual, like what we hear in her first scene while facing off with Hachiman the Flesh-Trader in Episode 1.
This act that Mizu puts on is an embodiment of masculine showboating, which is highly effective against weak and insecure men like Hachi, but also against women like those who tried to seduce her at the Shindo House.
And that brings me to how Mizu's mask is actually a direct parallel to Akemi's mask in this very same scene.
Here, Akemi is also putting up an act, playing up her naivety and demure girlishness, using her high-pitched lilted voice, complimenting Mizu and trying to make small talk, all so she can seduce and lure Mizu in to drink the drugged cup of sake.
So what I find so interesting and funny about this scene, characters within it, and the subsequent fandom interpretations of both, is that everyone seems to literally be falling for the mask that Mizu and Akemi are putting up to conceal their identities, guard themselves from the world, and get what they want.
It's also a little frustrating because the fanon seems to twist what actually makes Mizu and Akemi's dynamic so interesting by flattening it completely. Because both here and throughout the story, Mizu and Akemi's entire relationship and treatment of each other is solely built off of masks, assumptions, and misconceptions.
Akemi believes Mizu is a selfish, cocky male samurai who destroyed her ex-fiance's career and life, and who abandoned her to let her get dragged away by her father's guards and forcibly married off to a man she didn't know. on the other hand, Mizu believes Akemi is bratty, naive princess who constantly needs saving and who can't make her own decisions.
These misconceptions are even evident in the framing of their first impressions of each other, both of which unfold in these slow-motion POV shots.
Mizu's first impression of Akemi is that of a beautiful, untouchable princess in a cage. Swirling string music in the background.
Akemi's first impression of Mizu is of a mysterious, stoic "demon" samurai who stole her fiance's scarf. Tense music and the sound of ocean waves in the background.
And then, going back to that scene of them together in Episode 4, both Mizu and Akemi continue to fool each other and hold these assumptions of each other, and they both feed into it, as both are purposely acting within the suppressive roles society binds them to in order to achieve their goals within the means they are allowed (Akemi playing the part of a subservient woman; Mizu playing the part of a dominant man).
But then, for once in both their lives, neither of their usual tactics work.
Akemi is trying to use flattery and seduction on Mizu, but Mizu sees right through it, knowing that Akemi is just trying to manipulate and harm her. Rather than give in to Akemi's tactics, Mizu plays with Akemi's emotions by alluding to Taigen's death, before pinning her down, and then when she starts crying, Mizu just rolls her eyes and tells her to shut up.
On the opposite end, when Mizu tries to use brute force and intimidation, Akemi also sees right through it, not falling for it, and instead says this:
"Under your mask, you're not the killer you pretend to be."
Nonetheless, despite the fact that they see a little bit through each other's masks, they both still hold their presumptions of each other until the very end of the season, with Akemi seeing Mizu as an obnoxious samurai swooping in to save the day, and Mizu seeing Akemi as a damsel in distress.
And what I find a bit irksome is that the fandom also resorts to flattening them to these tropes as well.
Because Mizu is not some cool, smooth-talking samurai with a big dick sword as Akemi (and the fandom) might believe. All of that is the facade she puts up and nothing more. In reality, Mizu is an angry, confused and lonely child, and a masterful artist, who is struggling against her own self-hatred. Master Eiji, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.
And Akemi, on the other hand, is not some girly, sweet, vain and spoiled princess as Mizu might believe. Instead she has never cared for frivolous things like fashion, love or looks, instead favouring poetry and strategy games instead, and has always only cared about her own independence. Seki, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.
But neither is she some authoritative dominatrix, though this is part of her new persona that she is trying to project to get what she wants. Because while Akemi is willful, outspoken, intelligent and authoritative, she can still be naive! She is still often unsure and needs to have her hand held through things, as she is still learning and growing into her full potential. Her new parental/guardian figure, Madame Kaji, knows this as well.
So with all that being said, now that we know that Mizu and Akemi are essentially wearing masks and putting up fronts throughout the show, what would a representation of Mizu's and Akemi's true selves actually look like? Easy. It's in their hair.
This shot on the left is the only time we see Mizu with her hair completely down. In this scene, she's being berated by Mama, and her guard is completely down, she has no weapon, and is no longer wearing any mask, as this is after she showed Mikio "all of herself" and tried to take off the mask of a subservient housewife. Thus, here, she is sad, vulnerable, and feeling small (emphasised further by the framing of the scene). This is a perfect encapsulation of what Mizu is on the inside, underneath all the layers of revenge-obsession and the walls she's put around herself.
In contrast, the only time we Akemi with her hair fully down, she is completely alone in the bath, and this scene takes place after being scorned by her father and left weeping at his feet. But despite all that, Akemi is headstrong, determined, taking the reigns of her life as she makes the choice to run away, but even that choice is reflective of her youthful naivety. She even gets scolded by Seki shortly after this in the next scene, because though she wants to be independent, she still hasn't completely learned to be. Not yet. Regardless, her decisiveness and moment of self-empowerment is emphasised by the framing of the scene, where her face takes up the majority of the shot, and she stares seriously into the middle distance.
To conclude, I wish popular fanon would stop mischaracterising these two, and flattening them into tropes and stereotypes (ie. masculine badass swordsman Mizu and feminine alluring queen but also girly swooning damsel Akemi), all of which just seems... reductive. It also irks me when Akemi is merely upheld as a love interest and romantic device for Mizu and nothing more, when she is literally Mizu's narrative foil (takes far more narrative precedence over romantic interest) and the deuteragonist of this show. She is her own person. That is literally the theme of her entire character and arc.
#blue eye samurai#mizu blue eye samurai#akemi blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai meta#just in case... im gonna tag this as#mizukemicritical#akemizucritical#though this post isnt actually criticising the ship itself but rather fanon's portrayal of the ship and the characters#for that reason lemme also tag this as#wank.mp3#feel free to disagree of course but please be civil#and if you need to rant about how wrong i am without any convincing evidence kindly feel free to make your own post. peace and love <3#fandom.rtf#meta dissertations.pdf#shut up haydar#edit: for full disclosure. i do rather dislike this ship. but obviously it's fine for anyone to enjoy it. please do! have your fun!#it's just that as usual! popular fanon and fandom around a ship is what has completely deterred me from any sense of enjoyment of it#it's a shame too because i was very open and even eager for some mizu/akemi romance in the future#but out-of-character fanon + the rudeness of certain fans has definitely soured it for me#but that doesn't mean people can't enjoy it obviously! ship and let ship!!!#plus it has its appeal which i DO STILL see and enjoy!!!!#i would even go as far as to call them soulmates because their narratives and characters are LITERALLY intertwined!!!#but. yeah. my gradual distaste for this ship is indeed very unfortunate.
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Y'ALL. Y'ALL so for a long time I've believed that "the sun" in Meursault's story is Carmen, and I went to check Hell's Chicken's dialogue to see exactly how he said that he'd dealt with distortions before, and... you know what else he said?
To my knowledge, it is a phenomenon where an individual morphs into a form often unfit to be considered “human”. It has no known causes, and the appearances were all different.
Unfit to be considered human.
Meursault, who, in his book, was judged by the court to be soulless.
Meursault, who has EGO for Cyborgs who have been so mutilated they barely act like people anymore; a murderer who was experimented on until ceasing to be human; a sheep named after Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, a novel about the humanity of androids and the inhumanity of humans; and now a rose that can't help its bloodsucking nature, based on Carmilla, a vampire whose story emphasized the duality between her vampiric traits and her human ones.
Meursault, who answered Heathcliff's ironic question of if he had metal for brains like this:
I'm placing my bets now, that line from Hell's Chicken is foreshadowing for Meursault's canto even more than "I have witnessed a number of [distortion] cases in the past" was
#limbus company#project moon#meursault#sorry of my info on carmilla is off i still havent read the book#me post#CLARIFYING IN THE TAGS: MEURSAULT IS HUMAN#it would be a disservice to his character and honestly pretty gross if he ended up not being human#the entire point is that he IS human and that other people perceive him as otherwise because of how he behaves#so I guess theoretically if he did distort it would exacerbate the issue?#extremely speculative but there are distortions who can behave pretty normally while distorted#like the marksman of the mist (and also some of the reverb ensemble but those people are all full of issues WAYYY bigger than marksman was)#if meursault was one of those...#someone calling him unfit to be human. it's fine it definitely won't leave a scar on his psyche#i think in his canto there might end up being something about how even though people don't see distortions as humans#distorting is a very human thing to do#anyway i think overall there's juxtaposition with him and don quixote#don isnt human and wishes she could be#meursault is human but people don't think he is#yknow despite my theories it would probably be more poignant if he DIDNT distort#them looking at him and assuming he only couldve done something like that if he distorted but he didnt#oh wait but the timeline... they probably wouldn't have known about how distorting works yet#nevermind back to the first idea#they ask why. he talks about a beautiful voice. no one knows about this yet and they all think there's something deeply wrong with him#'a beautiful voice convinced me' holds up in court about as well as 'the sun was too bright'
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valentine, you're a horse ❤️
#my little pony#mlp g3#wish-I-may#wish-I-might#ok so. I'm gonna ramble for a sec#normally when I post on valentine's day I complain in the tags about being single. but I won't this year!#I've recently realized I'm definitely somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. and that I'm perfectly content without a partner#in the past I've described myself as 'emotionally unavailable' or having 'commitment issues' but neither of those things were ever true#I'm a very loving and loyal person!#I've always been extremely affectionate with friends and family but unable to have the same level of love for potential partners#unsure if I'm just demisexual/demiromantic or actually aroace but I'm definitely not the default settings type of gay lol#I'm a big fan of romance and sex in fiction! but irl? 😅😬 idk about that fam! idk!#hypothetically I would like to have a gf one day and maybe fall in love but now I understand why that may not happen#or atleast is gonna take a while. and that's fine :)#tldr; if your top song on spotify last year was Cupid by Fifty Fifty it's time to do some soul searching lol#happy valentine's day!! 💕
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Cleaned up the sketch of these dinkdonks a little bit. The names have stuck with me so the weirdo on the left is definitely Ono and on the right is Yudai. I still don’t know about the fox thing but calling it Mikan like the orange is pretty fuckin cute
#rat council oc#rco: yudai#rco: ono#I’ve done some pondering#I think Ono looks like a befuddled rodent that fell out from rusty can cuz of just absolute neglect#they’re definitely a robot of some sort#who was made to mimic organic life#to the point their hair just grows and their skin tans etc#but without upkeep the inorganic skin burns away#and circuits get exposed#I think their head is also fried a little bit#they’ve been betrayed/abandoned by someone#idk what Yudai is but I think they’re someone very charismatic and loved/respected#with power and influence#I think they’d tried to help Ono#but when Ono just made it more difficult by being uncooperative#and rage driven#Yudai just went well fine go and run urself into an early grave#before trying to subtly help again#and being annoyed again
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you can take the family out of the psychics but you can't take the psychics out of the family
#i think about the aquatos especially these four every single day of my life#just. the complicated mess that is being a psychic in the aquato family. i'm obsessed with them#psychonauts#psychonauts 2#nona aquato#lucrecia mux#augustus aquato#frazie aquato#razputin aquato#my art#honestly i might go back and fiddle with this one some more but right now i'm just sick of looking at it#you ever try to draw something and you have a Vision and you do a ton of Planning and then it Does Not Work? yeah#or maybe it's fine and i've just been looking at it too long. it definitely isn't what i wanted it to be though. alas
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Girl please stop romanticizing obesity, it will literally kill you eventually (and I know it’s not the first time someone says it to you). Like are you even ok? Romanticizing being immobile & being humiliated on the street? Why would you even aspire to this? For some attention of questionable men on this app? Girl they don’t deserve you. This message comes from a place of concern, it is not intended as an insult. You said you want a career in the future, maybe focus on that, I’m not sure how possible it is do all that while being immobile or having whatever condition.
omfg 😭 i apologize for writing little stories to get myself off, i guess?? lmfao. i have a fetish. i state clearly in my bio that this is what to expect. sorry im horny posting anonymously on tumblr.com ???? stop being weird when u don’t even belong in these spaces
#this is so silly#like i really have any choice but to focus on my career#and i’ve literally said before that i don’t plan on reaching immobility#i really doubt i could. i have tummy issues and am literally allergic to garlic#and i’ve also definitely stated before that what i do requires me to have some level of fitness#permits went thru and i have. a massive project out in west TX in september#also. why does this person assume i’m not doing it for myself??#i was fat before posting here. and i will be fat after#i love my body and i’d love it even more if i was bigger#but i’m fine where i am and i’d be fine losing 50lbs too#tho i don’t wanna be under 200lbs bc that’s where body dysmorphia starts#i am predominantly attracted to fat women so. let me be that pls lol#anon. we have one life and i’m genuinely blessed to have attraction to smthn outside of the norm#this variation is normal within a population and i will have a normal life despite what ppl like you think#talk#ask
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late night chat
#meeple.png#inanimate insanity#inanimate insanity invitational#ii oj#ii mephone4#ii mephoj#not inherently shippy but it is based on the weird gay little version of iii in my head#anyway i think they should've had some kind of summer romance in iii that changes their view on their lives forever#and leaves them haunted by eachother in a way that neither will want to address but it sticks with them#oj is Stuck in his shitty hotel job and kind of caged himself into that the more he insists its Just the way it is and hes fine with it#while mephone has simply gotten used to running away and hiding as much as he can#neither are good coping mechanisms but the kind of experience and perspective they have could be exactly what they need to hear#oj needs to Fucking Quit while mephone needs to let himself find community and let others know him#so he doesn't feel like he Has to run or he Has to do it alone#oj has connections albeit some messier than others#and hes a bit of a bitch but definitely more liked than mephone#and mephone has the If It Sucks Hit The Bricks mentality and the bluntness to get that through to oj#oj also has the perspective of being a s1 vet which means he has a very different view on mephone than others might#and that could do some good in getting through to mephone how his host behavior can negatively affect the contestants involved#mephone views oj as more equal to him as theyre business partners. hes very friendly to him (even if one sided.) he might just listen#sorry if this rant is redundant btw im not reading back any of this HAHA
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soo... yeah not making it through gtober unfortunately...
but whatever new ref sheets just dropped🔥🔥🔥 redid cap's fit and gave our favorite general a cape (dci fans yall got me on the cuffs 😏) got grey and lanning coming up next while i try to survive october 🤞
err whatever whatever, obligatory doodle of them enjoying the sights to get used to the new uniforms
#story:bluesleeves#oc:captain#oc:malik#art#my art#proportions are all over the place#but the designs i like so we're fine#maliks hat is definitely subject to redesign some day#but it looks aight for now#good enough!!!!!
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I won't lie seeing people dismiss ALL of moominvalley as being bad just because snufmin didn't become canon is making me really sad. You guys are completely dismissing all the love and care that went into this show.
#like its definitely not immune to criticism im not saying that#but can some of yall calm down#its perfectly fine to feel whatever you're feeling about the season but can we please be normal about it#LORD!#And i love snufmin !!#season 4 definitely isnt my fav season either but it had alot of good stuff in it#spoilers#?#just in case#moominvalley
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Duality of man
Trust me I am super normal about this guy
#IDK I JUST REMEMBER THOSE PATRICK BATEMAN HALF CAT MEMES AND THEY ABSOLUTELY FIT THE CLOSE UPS OF COOPER#which btw are the closest we are ever going to get to a anime character going so crazy they got to use the 0.5 angle <3#Also it matches that fucking video of that particular cat making biscuits with the maddest face possible it’s so funny#Idk if I should f/o him but like…#totally unrelated question but do you guys have some fics w this guy subbing lying around somewhere um if you can find them then lmk 🤭#totally unrelated trust me definitely unrelated#ugh he’s so fine tho#I’m sorry this is so stupid#anyways um#m night shyamalan pls make more movies about men who get too silly pretty pls ilysm <3#mika shitposts#trap 2024#cooper adams
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I have no idea where that wave of love for my Sides fashion stuff suddenly came from, but you can have some improvised Roman inspired high-heels as well. Not as ankle breaking as Remus' but I still wouldn't advise to try and do anything but stand still while wearing them.
#roman sanders#sanders sides#listen I will not question it too much#someone definitely unearthed some designs#it's fine I still like them quite a bit
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VARGASTOBER - day 24 : mirror
#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin#scriabin vargas#vargastober#zarla s#vargastober2024#vargastober 2024#sunny's art#lol ts kinda ass#i definitely could have done better ! i just didn't want to LOLZ#i don't want to get too stressed . . . honestly i was almost sure i would fail with this one#but eh i got *something* and i might as well post it#i had the smallest sketch and i just started making a line and i finished it idk#i guess i think this one's just fine if i'm honest#i'm already too late with this one#and i'm going out on saturday and sunday . . .#which sucks because i do have some ideas set for both prompts#have two parties ! a halloween one and a mlp themed one#you won't guess who i'm dressing as ( i'll probably post photos on my side#i'm rambling here because i don't think i'll write an entry for this one . there isn't a whole lot to say#does this mean i can go to sleep early or something
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