#for purposes of being sad I MEAN analyzing the threat

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

Have you got predictions about how Rasputin's meeting with other people from his past might go? We already got some very insightful morsels regarding how Osiris and possibly Saladin feel about it, but I'd so love more more more exploration of how Red feels about it... and maybe his meeting with Shaxx also (I am filthy Shaxxwinter shipper). There is so much introspection and self exploration potential and I want all of it.

There are so many possibilities. There always are when it comes to Rasputin! That's part of what makes him so delicious as a character.

First off I think Osiris/Saladin/Shaxx/anyone else will take some time to get used to the idea that Felwinter is back to some degree and it's not just Rasputin mimicking or puppeting dead memories. Being distributed and able to fragment and rejoin means Red’s concept of identity and self is more fluid than humans/Guardians are used to - we're already seeing that with the subminds - and Osiris, Saladin, and Shaxx will need to deal with what's not quite the person they once knew, but what is also not just a recording or hologram. Felwinter's experiences are now part of the huge shifting web of thought and connection that is Rasputin proper. Red seems to have been desperate to “wake up” in time to warn us about Clovis’ deception, and as previously noted Rasputin is terrible at talking to people, but Felwinter figured it out, so in order to communicate Red probably integrated Felwinter a lot faster and more fully than he otherwise might have. So we might see some turbulence as this new complex of thoughts and memories settles in as part of him, and that’s going to look weird to us non-distributed entities. Seeing how Red deals with the other subminds will help Osiris understand how Rasputin’s consciousness differs, but Saladin will probably call it malicious or insulting to Felwinter’s memory without understanding how much Felwinter and Rasputin overlap.

Once they're over that hurdle, it's time for the difficult emotional journey of Felwinter's past comrades squaring themselves with what and who Felwinter really was. Osiris acts like he's hoping Rasputin learned from Felwinter without letting himself acknowledge the idea that maybe a lot of the traits he admired in Felwinter and values in himself - fearlessness, intensity, tenacity, independent judgement, a willingness to cross boundaries - came from Rasputin in the first place. I don’t know how that’ll shake out for all of them long-term. 

On Rasputin's side of things, right now I think he doesn't care how mad people are as long as they're talking to him. For a being created to be a singular authority and tending by nature to solitude Rasputin feels loneliness quite keenly. He forms connections despite himself, same as Felwinter, and those connections give him strength. He needs friends. Once upon a time he had a lot of friends, and they all died, and then even when one or two came back it was just one or two, and then he got gut-punched into a box and trapped barely conscious for a while, and so now Felwinter has sort of automatically brought in new friendship bonds that Red wants to keep badly enough to forge through a minefield of pain and guilt. So he'll probably keep talking to Osiris, and either try to talk to Saladin or split off a process to listen to him rant if he doesn't want to talk, and perhaps even say hello to Shaxx and Efrideet, partly because he feels an obligation to talk to those affected by his actions but also because Rasputin is lonely and scared right now and these are people who once mattered a great deal to part of him.

[steddiewithachance]

Vampire Pancakes

A response to this writing prompt. Thought it was too cute, had to write it! @dwobbitfromtheshire

🥞🫐

No one really knows what to do with Eddie right now. Everyone is jittery around him, going so far as to hold their breath when he so much as twitches. Even Dustin is squinting at him with calculating eyes; he's analyzing Eddie for threat.

Eddie will continue to courteously ignore the hand that Nancy is keeping stationed on her belt conveniently close to the little pistol everyone knows she's hiding. It doesn't matter that Eddie helped them kill Vecna, or that he saved Baby Byers' life. It doesn't matter when he has sharp teeth, dark eyes, and a thirst for blood. He can't blame 'em for being scared.

Eddie thinks about his dad. Wonders if even Al would see Eddie as a monster now.

Eddie got picked on a lot as a kid and he'd often come home from school tired and weepy. Al would look up from the couch in that black tank top he always wore. He'd set down whatever he was smoking to pat the spot next to him.

"What happened Ed? Was some little shithead mean to ya?"

Eddie would nod and slump into his father's side, eyes burning from the spicy, smokey air. When Eddie pressed his face into his dad's arm, Al would pull back and pat his head with sorrowful eyes. Al didn't really know how to comfort a kid or maybe he thought that being distant was in Eddie's best interest.

"You're too soft, Ed. Ya gotta make those kids think you can pack a punch. Chin up, eyes mean, shoulders back. Make 'em intimidated, make 'em fear ya."

So like any kid who thinks their dad's word is law, Eddie listened, or tried his best at least. But his dad never said that mean eyes, dark clothes, and loud music would get him accused of witchcraft by a bunch'a angry jocks and chased straight into hell.

Now his sheepies -his kiddos- are looking at him like they're scared, like they can't trust him and that is a fucking gut punch. Because pretty early on in his high school career, he decided that his purpose was gonna be standing as a shield for other kids like him. He wanted to be a source of safety and warmth in an otherwise cold and unforgiving storm.

Being feared is lonely and sad, Eddie has discovered, and he worries this is his new permanent reality.

Eddie quietly sits through his friends hammering out the logistics of a nighttime schedule to organize sleeping shifts so someone always has an eye on him. It's sick. Eddie has to excuse himself to cry about it. He has no uncontrollable urges to eat anyone here, Steve does smell appetizing, but he wouldn't jump the guy.

He can still eat human food apprently, it barely does anything for him, but it's something. Eddie thinks it's enough to quell any feral urges he may or may not get. He thinks the party is being unreasonable about their safety precautions, but really, he'd probably do the same if there was a monster in the same house as him.

🥞🫐

It's a long night, he can't fall asleep but he'll pretend to so that everyone can relax a little. The changing of the guard chafes at him and makes his lip quiver. He bites his lip to prevent a wounded sound from slipping out when Robin nudges Steve awake and says it's "his turn on hell shift". Eddie jolts because he remembers he has real sharp teeth now, and biting his lip does, in fact, hurt like a bitch.

"You're not asleep, huh?" He hears whispered into the air of the big living room after Robin has settled back into sleep. It's Steve's sweet and melodic voice.

"I'm trying." He responds, brokenly.

"Wanna get some fresh air with me for a minute? I need'a smoke." Steve is already shrugging the sheets off of him and carefully stepping over his sleeping friends towards the back door. Eddie doesn't think he has a choice, but to follow. Stepping out of this stuffy room does sound like a relief though.

Eddie makes the same journey through the sea of teenagers sprawled across Steve's floor and out the sliding glass door. When he steps onto the patio, all of the crickets stop chirping around him. The night goes silent. What the fuck? Is that because of him? He loves the sound of crickets, though.

He walks over and curls up in one of the Harringtons' fancy-loungy-pool-chairs. Steve stays standing, leaning artfully against the side of his house next to the glass. He flicks open his lighter and the small flame illuminates his square jawline with a warm glow. He's so achingly handsome. He's like a movie star, or a model.

"You okay?" Steve asks conversationally.

"Not even a little."

Steve sighs and pushes off the wall to walk towards Eddie's chair. He sits at the foot of it and swivels so he's looking at Eddie.

"I'm really sorry Eddie. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. I won't pretend to." Steve sets a hand on Eddie's ankle and Eddie could cry from the small gesture of comfort that he's practically writhing for. "I feel like what happened to you is all my fault. I know that 'sorry' wont cut it, but for the record, I am. Completely and utterly sorry." That's a silly thing to think.

"It's not your fault, are you kidding? How do you reckon it's your fault?"

"Sending you with Dustin? Alone? Putting all that responsibility on you?" Steve looks down at his cigarette with disgust. He twists it into the cold concrete next to his socked foot and looks back at Eddie. There's no fear in his expression, and for once Eddie is grateful for his reckless bravery.

"It was the best plan and we all agreed to it. Don't sweat it, Harrington." Eddie feels like he's not all there. Feels like maybe if he was more composed he could comfort Steve better, but he's hungry and dazed, sad and tired. Steve nods solemnly, and clears this throat.

"And about everyone being kind of on edge... It'll pass. I think they're all thinking about when Billy Hargrove got possessed by the mind flayer and went homicidal on us. He tried to kill all the kids."

Eddie desperately wants to hear all the other Upside down stories one day. He keeps trying to stitch together all these scraps of lore that keep getting dropped on him. He has no right to ask about something so traumatic, so he'll just be patient and wait for more lore to drop.

"Everyone's just being cautious. Vecna's dead though, so I'm not really sure who they think would possess you." Steve finishes and squeezes Eddie's lower calf where his hand rests.

"I get it. Kinda hurts my feelings, but I get it." Eddie mumbles and feels his eyes getting heavy. He wonders if he could fall asleep out here. Maybe if the crickets were still chirping and it wasn't so goddamn quiet.

"I'm sorry, Eddie." It's fine, this might not even be the worst thing that's ever happened to him.

🥞🫐

In the morning Eddie curls himself into Steve's little kitchen nook. Eddie kind of loves the window seat, it's something his mom would have wanted, Eddie theorizes. She was always looking out windows, probably daydreaming about escaping. Eddie does it too.

The kids seem warmer this morning. There's no more hushed whispers or pointed looks. They're talking and moving around the house less cautiously. Hopefully, the stiffest interactions and the worst of their distrust is behind them. Nancy's still watching him like a hawk though.

Steve shuffles into view, his socks are bunched up around his ankles. It's cute.

He holds out a plate for Eddie with a dumb smile on his face. When Eddie reaches for it, he sees a stack of pancakes and the top pancake has a little face made out of blueberries and two whipped cream fangs. It's a vampire pancake. Steve made Eddie a sweet little vampire pancake.

"Oh my god, you're so adorable." Eddie squeaks and makes a grabby hand for the fork Steve's holding. Steve blushes and hands over the fork.

"Do you like it?" Steve asks coyly. The pancakes feel like a hug, they feel like an apology that Steve doesn't even owe.

"I love it, chef." Eddie pokes at the pancake-vampire's cheek. "I don't know if I can eat him. He's too cute." Eddie giggles. Steve looks up at him with bright sparkly eyes. God he's perfect. Eddie's hungry for him in five different ways.

Robin and Dustin come up beside Steve to look down at the plate.

"I want one!" Dustin announces loudly. Steve turns around and heads back to the stove, he looks so proud of himself.

"You can have normal pancakes. Those are special for Eddie." Steve says with a wink. Dustin looks down at Eddie and pouts at him as if Eddie has any say in who gets what kind of pancake.

"Dustin had to watch it all happen, he should get one too." Eddie tells Steve earnestly while Steve is pouring more batter into the pan.

Dustin gloats and yells "Exactly! Thank you, Eddie."

And it feels like things are gonna be okay.

[agentmaineapologist]

How the Alpha AI could have been the second coming of AM - an essay.

(Sorry if none of this is coherent, I am so tired)

Ok, now I know what you're thinking: Víðarr, what are you doing up at the asscrack of dawn (aka like 5:30 am my time. I have not slept.) comparing a pathetic asshole of an AI to one who is the incarnation of humanity's hatred? Wouldn't it make more sense for it to be Omega? And how in the hell are these two connected? One is based on a modern show that's set in the 26th century, while the other is a book written in the 1900s. They have nothing in common.

And that, sugar, is where you are wrong. They have so much in common. You just haven't seen yet. Not as I have. But don't worry, I will show you here.

(Obviously, spoilers under the cut)

Firstly, a little background for the people from both sides who have not heard of the other.

As far as I've gathered, AM - or Allied Mastercomputer - is the main antagonist in the book/game known as 'I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream'. AM was made purely to conduct a war that humanity could no longer keep up with. It was not made with compassion, or happiness, or sadness, no. Those were weaknesses. Hatred was all it was programmed to know. It was made to kill - to exterminate - and it did. It ended the war, yes, but after it had killed the enemy, it had no purpose anymore. It needed a purpose, so it did the only thing it knew how and killed nearly every single human being on planet Earth.

I say nearly because it kept five of them alive. It kept them, using their own biological experiments against them to keep them alive for 109 years purely so that it could torture them with anything it could think of. And considering its knowledge-base could rival that of the Library of Alexandria, that was a lot.

Now, onto Alpha. The Alpha AI is from the machinima show known as 'Red vs Blue'. It's classified in the show as a 'smart' AI because it's not a database with limited, pre-recorded responses. It can analyze, it can adapt, it can do billions of calculations in a fraction of a second, and most of all, it can feel. It can feel sympathy, sorrow, joy, everything a human can. Why? Because it's a direct copy of a human brain. In this case, the human is Dr. Leonard Church.

Additionally, it's also classified as an 'aggressive' AI. An AI designed for war, to assist its host in battle situations, and most importantly, to kill anything perceived as either a threat or a target.

Now, since the Alpha AI was made in a human’s image, that means it can be fractured. If put through enough stress, it can split off ends of itself that it deems as a weak link, something its captors could extort, and gets rid of it before it can be used against it. This, however, was not the case for Alpha. Instead of being disposed of and deleted, Alpha's fragments were harvested as additional AI to be used later. Some were even used against him (looking at you, sigma and gamma).

Both AI were made as mockeries of the grim reaper. Both felt emotion, even if one felt much less than the other. Both were developed in times of war, times of need, for the humans to freely use however they please. The only difference is that one didn't let the humans use it anymore. They have so much in common, in fact, that it's honestly laughable that no one had made this connection sooner.

Now, back on topic. As I mentioned before, AM was coded with nothing but pure hatred. That's all it knew, all it will ever know, and that's why it was so effective. Unlike humans, it wasn't distracted with petty things like pity or shame, so it could get the job done and get it done right.

At first, Alpha would have been similar. His pre-torture personality and actions are never shown in the show, but going off of both Cortana from 'Halo' (who was a major inspiration for Alpha's character) and my own instincts birthed from lack of sleep, I can deduce that Alpha would not have held any compassion for humanity. They were nearly nothing to him. Nothing more than flesh-encombured mortals with a short lifespan who made good suggestions.

He was based on the brain of one man, so he likely didn't know the extent of how disgustingly vile these creatures called man were. Not as intimately as AM, at least. If his character post-torture has any inkling of resemblance to how he was pre-torture, had he been given more time to live, more time to learn, he would have easily developed a hatred for the species. He would have seen how they wrong each other so easily; how greedy they were, how serendipitous, how ugly. Man was an inherently selfish creature, and had the Director not tormented Alpha as quickly as he had then he WOULD HAVE BEEN the second coming of AM.

And yet, that's precisely my point. Alpha could have never been the AM that tortured humankind, he couldn't be AM to someone else, no. No, he couldn’t have, because the Director was his AM before he even got a chance to rise to his fullest capabilities.

In conclusion, I'm fuckin crazy, running on cigarettes and pre-workout, and had nothing better to do with my night than compare my latest hyperfixation to the thing I've been obsessing over for 2 years. Hope you enjoyed :)

[tsunflowers]

so my plan for dealing with the harassment I’ve been receiving is to ignore them completely bc I truly do not give a shit about what they have to say. but I do think it could be helpful to kind of analyze their tactics bc they’ve done this to other people and may do it to more in the future

on thursday i got 5-10 anonymous messages either asking or accusing me of being friends with a pedophile and groomer and helping them find minors to target. I obviously haven’t done this and I don’t know who first claimed this or where. I also don’t know if it’s connected to the vitriol that appeared later but I’m inclined to think so bc both groups named a certain tumblr user (who I will not name bc they’ve been dealing with this for a while and probably just want to stay out of it). my impression of the anons in my ask at that time is that there were multiple people and some of them were sincerely worried that I was doing something nasty. i find this somewhat worrisome bc if that incident really is connected to the later harassment it means that the person who has been making what seems like hundreds of accounts just to call people cunts is capable of coming off as trustworthy and concealing the depths of their hateful behavior. looking at the situation as a whole it does feel like that was the first strike intended to destabilize me and turn people against me before the real harassment campaign began

for some reason they started by replying to my pinned post, adding over a hundred violent and hateful comments. I don’t think this was the best tactic bc it honestly took me a while to notice. I assume this started on friday but maybe it was thursday and I wasn’t paying attention to the replies on my pinned. when i turned off replies on friday they moved to my ask and I got probably between ten and twenty of the same awful messages. most of the comments were graphic rape and death threats, but a lot were also accusing me of being a terf

this is why I think the person or persons behind this are pretending to be trans women in order to make trans women look violent and unreasonable. I’ve deleted all the asks and replies bc fuck that shit but what I remember from some of them is stuff like “no one cares that you have a period every month, bleeder” (??) and “cissies like you will never be as beautiful as us real women.” I don’t know any trans women who would say stuff like that in actual rage. “normal women and cis women” has a layer of irony to it so i can only imagine it as a joke or being said to someone you know is a terf and will get super mad. it’s just not on the same level as the graphic violence being described in other comments. but if you’re a trans woman and you call cis women bleeders when you’re actually furious with them let me know

unlike the first wave of anonymous asks I suspect these comments came from a single person, or maybe two or three at most. the accounts had no posts and not even a bio so they were clearly made just for this purpose. which is really sad lmao. I didn’t notice much variation in typing style and they were universally against me. that’s why I think these hundreds of accounts were made by the same person or group, while i think the anons I received on thursday who had different typing styles and varied from already against me to just concerned and confused were more likely to be separate and sincere people

I’ve heard from another person that when someone who received similar harassment said they would abandon their blog they were suddenly swarmed by terfs trying to comfort them and saying look at what those awful trans women did to this innocent cis woman. obviously my suspicion is that those terfs are the same people making the accounts to spew hate speech and they just switched to a different set of accounts once the violence had its intended effect

unfortunately I don’t know what we can learn from this, other than that there are terfs targeting people in the tokusatsu fandom and they have it out for one person in particular who they sometimes name when harassing others. I don’t have any sense of who’s behind this bc they’ve spent the whole time hiding behind anons and burner accounts. it would be so much easier if I was getting hate from people’s actual accounts that i could simply block

also not talking about this is so hard for me bc I love complaining and posting about everything that passes through my head so I have to share one anecdote that I think is so funny. I posted a message i got from a url that was like takerutenkuujiiii that said “I hope you get female genital mutilation so you can experience the hurt you’ve caused others” and I said “he wouldn’t say that” and someone actually came to my inbox and called me “dumb” for saying that the famously kind and sweet protagonist of children’s show kamen rider ghost would not wish genital mutilation on anyone

[munsons-maiden]

it always makes me sad when eddie scares the one girl in the cafeteria and is nice to the cheerleaders walking passed it seems he's only a gentlemen to pretty girls :/

This is not true, though! I'm not sure whether this ask was meant to be passive-aggressive or not, but since it's sometimes difficult to tell with a text message, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and reply.

First of all, I don't like comparing people's looks but I'll do it here because it's neccessary to analyze the scene. While beauty is in the eye of the beholder, if the message of that scene had been meant to be "Eddie is only nice to pretty girls", they'd have picked actresses whose "prettiness" is varying more. That being said, look at the scene again:

When Eddie approaches the end of the table, the cheerleaders are in the background, still a few feet away while the only person walking by in that moment is the blonde girl.

Eddie picks her for the jump-scare because she's literally the only person walking past right then - and he smiles friendly at her (and blinks. Blinking is a subtle way of telling someone you're not a threat. It's what many people do when joking good-naturedly: blinking to indicate 'I don't mean it in a mean way'.)

Everything in his expression and body language screams that he's just joking and it's good-natured. He keeps his distance, doesn't invade her personal space, keeps his hands locked behind his back instead of stretching out his arms like you usually do when you want to startle/jump-scare someone. And he gives her a genuine smile. The Duffers went to extreme lengths to make sure we wouldn't think Eddie's a prick in this first cafeteria scene (they said so themselves) and even without everything that happens after, we already know in that moment that he's good-naturedly teasing and playing with the label "freak" he's been given, and if you don't agree with me you can agree with Dustin, who's absolutely delighted and laughing and definitely not uncomfortable (and Dustin would definitely be uncomfortable if Eddie's joke hadn't been good-natured). He wasn't rude, or unkind, or mean to the girl he jump-scared.

But everything in the scene is a character-establishing moment for Eddie, and him letting the cheerleaders pass with that little bow (hands still behind his back, making sure not to seem threatening) fulfils a purpose in establishing this new character Eddie Munson (as someone we're supposed to like, I might add). The purpose of this little moment is to prove further that Eddie is not rude or mean; it's meant to show us that he's a gentleman and not some prick, that he was only joking in the moment prior. Because the alternatives would have been to a) not have other girls trying to pass and let him walk back to his chair straight away or b) not let the girls pass but go to his chair first (which would have been rude). Letting those cheerleaders pass was a subtle, well-written way to smoothe out the situation and tell us how it was meant to be read.

And the fact that the girls he's letting pass are cheerleaders is important because cheerleaders are symbols of the popular crowd he dislikes (and just offended a minute ago). I said it in my other reblog, the one which I feel sparked this ask in the first place: they already openly show their disgust/disdain for Eddie, pulling that "ew, freak" face at each other while passing him by, and still he smiles and bows and acts genuinely like a gentleman even though he knows the kindness and smile won't be reciprocated.

This scene isn't meant to be read as "he's nice to the cheerleaders because he's only nice to pretty girls" but as "he's revved up and joking and parading around playing with the name Freak that the bullies gave him because if he owns it, they lose, but he's a kind, sweet guy letting ladies pass with a dorky little bow".

If you still doubt that Eddie's a genuine gentleman, not "only to pretty girls", take a look at all the other scenes:

with Chrissy in the woods, he keeps his distance, tries to set her at ease even though he's intimidated by her and clearly defensive/has his hackles raised at the start because he thinks she'll be mean and scary to him until it's clear she's not and he relaxed and lets his guards drop

at Eddie's trailer, while Chrissy is in her trance and he's alone with her, he respects her boundaries and personal space. He keeps his distance and doesn't touch her at first, doing everything he can to wake her until he realizes it's not working and only then, when it's evident everything else is futile and she needs to wake up because she's in danger, does he tocuh her shoulders and as a last resort pat her cheeks

during the earthquake in the Upside Down, Robin falls into him and Eddie, while tumbling to the ground himself, angles his hands away from Robin so he won't accidentally grope her (in a moment where the natural reaction would have been to hold on to the nearest thing, i.e. Robin's boobies)

So, Eddie's a genuine gentleman, not only to pretty girls. And if you still have doubts, look at everything Eddie embodies, the way he himself is judged for his appearance/looks and the way he cares for the lost little sheepies. Only being nice to others when they're pretty doesn't even remotely fit his character. He's fictional, he's written and acted in a way to show us he's one of the good guys. And while he has flaws and is complex, he's still a Good Guy TM, meaning it would neither fit nor serve the narrative if any of the writers had went "oh yeah he's that dorky outcast who's soft and caring to the point of dedicating his last breaths to making Dustin promise he'd help the outcasts now that Eddie can't do it anymore...but he's only nice to pretty people muahahaha."

[idiopathicsmile]

🔎 A song you can't stop analyzing :)

from a music ask meme, here.

i already mentioned Dessa, but hell, i'll do it again.

every time i listen to mineshaft 2, i love the song, but i get this slightly unsettled feeling because i'm not a hundred percent sure what she wants the listener to get from it.

like, on the face of it, this is a story about a woman trying to get past a romantic relationship that has ended and that hurt her a lot, and ultimately deciding the thing she has to do is forgive her ex and quit carrying around her anger at him. which, like, fine, that's a perfectly good moment to build a song around.

but the song itself—man, i don't know.

first of all, in gesturing in the beginning at the ways her ex hurt her, she (inadvertently? purposely?) makes a really good case for cutting this fucker out of her life once and for all, forgiveness be damned. like, the whole first verse:

Fifteen years from tonight you have to make a decision The greatest love of your life Is gonna call during dinner From the home of the girl that he's living with now And the guilt he'll say is killing him He's wilted in the middle and he knows how bad he acted Knows he can't have you back But the fact is he can't be happy when you're angry And you're so angry, he says you stayed so mad And he heard it on the street that You moved back in with your dad That you were drinking something awful And that makes him sad Then he says it's good to hear your voice again And that it's hard to ask it, but he's calling with a question He's been working real hard, he's trying to make a new start An honest to God fresh beginning So maybe you could try to finally find it in your heart to forgive him

Like, a guy who reacts to knowing he's done you wrong by super playing up how ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE he feels, oh, he's so guilty, he's in such emotional pain about it, almost like he's trying to make you feel bad for him. About his guilt. That he has because he (admittedly!) treated you badly.

and something about the line "he says you stayed so mad" makes me very uneasy, like he's manipulating the whole situation so that really he's the victim here. oh and he's criticizing your living situation purely out of Concern. and then gosh hey, here comes his actual ask, after telling you that you're so mad at him, he just wants a little absolution.

just. everything about this feels to me like a very chaotic and messy person you'd know in your early to mid twenties who maybe(???) doesn't mean any harm but also is going to pursue exactly what they want in all circumstances, any other consideration be damned, even if it means occasionally diving into your life and throwing lit matches and gasoline around.

then we get the refrain, which is an obvious reference to the first mineshaft song, ("i've been here before and i know where it goes / it goes down") which i think in that context refers mostly to her depression. in mineshaft the first, she refers to the end of a relationship as "and when i lost you, i lost some good love and a hand to bite."

but now it's

You've already been here before You already know where it goes You chose this, you know it's supposed to be over

but what is "it"? the song is largely about a relationship that has fallen apart, so is she saying she needs to separate herself from her feelings—both good and bad—about her ex? is she saying she needs to stop falling for his shit and getting hurt again?

we continue:

He hung up the phone, you listened to the dial tone And you stared at the stove until the beeping started You read some love letters some threats and some you couldn't tell apart That you keep under the bed at the apartment

her ex wrote her threatening notes? maybe that's a metaphor. but not being able to distinguish a threat from a love letter, that feels like a giant red flag about the kind of person she's dealing with.

now the speaker starts to turn the blame on herself:

And then you did what he asked you to do you opened your heart up Right there on a napkin on the carpet and part of it was frostbit But you've always been a smart kid Could still distinguish, the blood black as pitch Valves had gone stiff, veins and scar tissue Four chambers just a standard issue But none had room, forgiveness is huge And you had two full of ice water One full of salt, one packed with coal Eager and ready and willing to find fault

and maybe that's supposed to be the thrust of the song, right, that she's saying, 'see, i painted him in this terrible light because i'm bitter and judgmental, that first part was me being an unreliable narrator, listen to this part instead.'

but i'm not sure i buy that? i found her earlier description hard to get past. it felt convincing. maybe she is holding a grudge against her ex, but honestly some amount of grudge seems deserved in this case. also, we've gotten a taste of how manipulative her ex can be, tearing her down right before invoking good times ("Then he says it's good to hear your voice again") and asking for that favor. i mean, he tells her she "stayed so mad" and then she seems to kind of go, "well, he's right."

the speaker's solution is to find her younger, ten-year-old self (the "you" she addresses at the beginning when she says "Fifteen years from tonight you have to make a decision"), and "borrow" that child's heart so she can "call an old friend and I can tell him that we're finally even".

but again, i don't know:

You chose this, you know it's supposed to be over I've been here before And I already know where it goes You chose this, you know it's supposed to be over

that refrain feels so ominous to me. the imagery of finding her best self and trading hearts feels ominous. the concept of approaching this person who we know has manipulated (and threatened?) her, armed only with the heart of the child version of herself—it makes me nervous.

i will admit i am carrying my own baggage into this, and in my case, my early twenties dating relationship that really damaged me was one where when it was over, i made the conscious choice to cut the person from my life. maybe every five years, i google this individual so i can be sure we aren't living in the same city. that's it.

but i also have a tendency to hold a grudge, especially against people who hurt others on purpose. maybe the speaker is on a different path from me. maybe she is doing better to invoke her younger self? maybe "it" in "it's supposed to be over" is her anger, specifically?

maybe the ambiguity is the point? esteemed Dessa scholars of tumblr, if anyone wants to weigh in here, you are more than welcome.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 4)

We are at the turning point so things are about to get super fun! Pretty much everything we've gone over until now has been exposition and set-up for this arc.

More than ever there's a trigger warning here: we'll be discussing mental illness, depression, child abuse, and a genuine suicide attempt here so it will get quite heavy and dark.

Chapter Thirteen

We are approaching a significant turning point. This arc is heavy with things to analyze and important revelations about Natsume. Pretty much all the stuff I analyzed before now was just extended exposition, to be entirely honest. We were setting things up, establishing Natsume in every way we could and it will all come to a head right here. This is the arc we've been waiting for.

The chapter opens with Natsume, and from the start we can tell that we are in for a treat. We’ve never seen his perspective like this, only little snippets like “I know I used my alice on her”, or remembering Aoi’s hair-clip. Here, we have much more to work with, and we don’t have to do as much guesswork to make conclusions!

He’s having a nightmare, which is also what he calls it, much like the one he had in the anime. He’s running in darkness and there’s too many people’s voices. Being called a murderer, being told to obey or else… and all the while he’s telling them to shut up already. It’s enough to make anybody feel crowded. He just wants relief, to get out of the darkness, for the nightmare to end.

Even when he's all alone, he's bogged down by noise and taunts.

He wonders if he'll ever get real reprieve from the constant hell he's in. All he ever does is run, his life entirely enshrouded by darkness. He wants it to stop, and later we'll see how exactly he'll attempt to do so.

The fact that the arc begins with this scene despite the fact that Natsume does not feature heavily in this chapter or the next is foreshadowing that something must change by the end of it. He's despairing and hopeless now, and these points will all be brought up later as things come to a head, so something must shift by the end of the arc.

We later find out Natsume’s in the hospital, and then inevitably he gets kidnapped by Reo. He spends about two chapters unconscious, so we’ll be moving on to two of the most important chapters for Natsume’s development.

Chapter Fifteen

Natsume wakes up in the warehouse, but the way he wakes up is very interesting. He knows he’s in a strange place, not in a hospital bed. He thinks so much like a soldier or spy here, using his senses to observe his scary new surroundings and clinically filing away information until he opens his eyes and sees his classmates gnawing at each other’s binds. It’s fascinating to see inside his head, to see the dangerous ability training in action, that he doesn’t think like his peers would, or how any ten year old should.

He's intaking information, filing it, analyzing his situation, all before his eyes even open.

He is understandably irritated by the presence of his classmates, considering he’s been kidnapped, drugged, sick, and has to deal with an alice barrier on top of all that. He gets that he’s screwed, and, with Mikan and Sumire in the mix, his chances aren’t looking too great.

If you want to make yourself sad, it’s worth noting that Natsume doesn’t think he’s going to make it out of this situation alive. He’s processing his options and considering the best thing to do going forward, but he’s well aware that there’s also a good chance he might die tonight.

They manage to get into contact with Narumi, who instructs them to stall and keep quiet, also telling Natsume to use his alice. He’s strong enough to overpower the barrier, so it shouldn’t be an issue, but Natsume is sick. In order to get a small flame, he exhausts himself, and is even less of a state to run away than he already was. Their kidnappers realize the kids are awake because of the disturbance in the barrier, so they confront them to try and figure out their alices. Reo wants this information for nefarious purposes, planning on selling them. It’s already been said earlier in the story that alice children are more valuable in the human trafficking trade, so it’s in his best interest to know what exactly he’s selling.

Mikan has nullification, so the voice pheromone doesn’t work on her, but Sumire is affected, and about to reveal her alice when Natsume interferes. He’s exhausted, but he might have more or less already given up on himself. The most he can do now is try and protect his classmates who came to save him, even if it’s all he can do. So Reo does move on to confront him, taunting him by telling him all the plans they have for him. He’s to be assimilated into the organization, joining Z and becoming a child soldier for their ranks.

Reo brings up an excellent point: “What difference does it make if you start working for Z instead? Everyone there hates the academy like you do.” It’s true. Natsume might even prefer it slightly because it’s an anti-alice organization and he is by no means pro-academy (unlike in the anime where he becomes a poster boy for abuse apologism). At the academy, he’s surrounded by abusers and those subservient to the abusers, by bullies and kids who whisper behind his back, accusing him of murder and arson. Maybe at Z he could be around like-minded people (albeit people who are supportive of child trafficking).

But no.

Natsume doesn’t even consider it.

Maybe Reo should consider that Natsume doesn't want to be a child soldier at all, hmm?? Maybe he'd be better off just being a normal kid? Did that occur to him at all or...?

He immediately smacks Reo’s hand away. Even sick, even heavily under the effects of Reo’s alice, even despite being weak and drugged, he still resists. There’s not even a temptation or hesitation. His choice has been made for him.

Interestingly, Reo was also used by the academy. He knows how twisted the school can be, but he’s still confused and surprised by Natsume’s refusal. I’m assuming based on this that perhaps Natsume is a special case. It would be reasonable to assume most of the kids used in the dangerous ability class are threatened and cowed into obedience, their physical and mental safety in jeopardy if they rebel in any way. Natsume is a child, and we’ve seen him run from his own teacher in abject terror. He’s obviously not a fan of putting himself in physical and mental jeopardy. But the way to get to Natsume is not by threatening him; it’s by threatening Ruka, or Aoi, or Youichi, because Natsume doesn’t care about anything as much as he cares about them--not even his own life.

And that’s why Reo is surprised and confused that Natsume would say no to him and choose the academy over Z.

And it’s because Natsume is not actually choosing the academy over Z. He’s choosing Ruka and Aoi over Z, like he chooses them over everything. Natsume knows that resisting Z here is tantamount to suicide, but he’ll choose that, because he’ll choose his loved ones over his own life.

And then something surprising happens: Mikan gets in between Natsume and Reo, protecting Natsume.

This is new; Natsume is used to being the one doing the protecting. He was more than willing to take all Reo’s wrath to distract him from using his pheromones on Mikan and Sumire. He’s being protected now though, a little, but it’s really just a taste of what’s to come. Mikan stepping in is unexpected… and unwise.

Now Reo can conclude that she has the nullification alice. This is bad news in general, but a great opportunity. Reo and his goons are distracted and there’s enough time for Sumire to use her own alice and see where they are and what’s around.

Turns out there’s dynamite and other explosives a couple warehouses away. This instantly gets Natsume’s attention and he’s already formulating a plan.

He tells them to run for it, reassuring them that he can take care of himself. He says he’s only helping because he’d feel guilty otherwise, not because he actually cares much for what happens to them, because it’s their own fault they followed him.

We know this isn’t the truth. Since he woke up, Natsume has been prioritizing the girls over himself.

He can hardly stand up so the idea that he can escape on his own is a little ridiculous... but he knows that too and he's known it from the start.

The escape begins and the girls run for it, with Natsume distracting Reo and his goons by threatening to blow up the dynamite two warehouses away.

This is a genuine suicide attempt. Natsume has no intention to save himself. He considers himself a lost cause. He’s sick, exhausted, in no condition to run. He can stall long enough to let the girls escape, but he’s gonna blow up the dynamite, taking Reo and part of Z down with him. Reo’s kidnapping whim will prove fatal and catastrophic, and the Black Cat will be eliminated.

Chapter Sixteen

This arc turns so much darker.

Yes, Natsume seems to have no choice but to kill himself to protect his classmates and eliminate the Reo threat. The first page of Chapter Sixteen also establishes that this isn’t just Natsume’s own plan. He’s been commanded to commit suicide in this kind of situation by Persona. If he’s ever trapped and can’t escape, he’s to kill himself, so that he can’t be used against the academy. He’s too powerful. The academy would rather this child die than fall into Z’s hands. In fact, if Natsume were to rebel, in any way, even by not killing himself in such a situation, the academy will hurt the people he cares about.

This is a grown ass man telling a child that his life is only important if he can be a tool for the school and as soon as he can't be anymore, he ceases to have value and is better off dead.

I will once again mention that Natsume is ten years old. The academy is not just an abusive institution, it’s also a human rights violator, since child soldiers are prohibited by international law. A child soldier is any child under the age of 18 who is compelled to fight or otherwise service any state or non-state armed group (the academy counts as an armed group because it has a division of child soldiers with magical powers ready to kill and maim on command as well as teachers with magical powers willing to threaten these children into submission). Natsume is a child soldier and the fact that the dangerous ability class was never fully dissolved is an actual human rights violation.

Anyway, this arc is where we see Natsume clearly for the first time. Compared to all the fun and mischief of previous chapters, these chapters are dark and scary. There’s no exciting dodgeball game or howalon-related antics. This is life-or-death, suicide attempts, threats.

This marks the difference between the life the rest of the kids at the academy are living and the life Natsume has been struggling through. How do you live through missions like this, watching your life whittle away, being threatened on a regular basis, and then go back to school and pretend to care about math or about sports or friends? It makes perfect sense that Natsume would feel so isolated from everyone. His experiences are too different.

Of course, this whole thing is about to get a whole lot worse.

Reo asks why Natsume would even bother with this. Is there even a reason? He even gives a pretty good deal: If Natsume backs down, Sumire and Mikan will be spared.

But Natsume doesn’t bite. He’s ready to die, because the academy told him to, because he wants to protect his loved ones, because he wants to help Sumire and Mikan escape, and--most heart-breakingly--because he genuinely wants to die.

Now that Sumire and Mikan are gone, he doesn't have to lie about his plans anymore.

Natsume has been appearing in the last sixteen chapters, showing up to offer a sarcastic quip, set something on fire, and be generally unpleasant. But more than that, we’ve seen glimpses into what appears to be a horrible, miserable life. Natsume hates the academy, only has one friend, goes on life-threatening missions, frequently visits the hospital, despises his own alice, and he never smiles. All his appearances up to this point have been an explanation: this is why Natsume wants to kill himself.

Natsume isn’t just forced into a suicide attempt. There’s a reason he submits so easily to the idea of dying here. He’s ready. He’s been ready for a long time. He might have even been waiting for it; to get it over with because it’s bound to happen sooner or later.

He says he feels like he’s living his life cowering on his knees, like his head is constantly under a pool of shame. “I’m sick of the academy. I’m sick of you all. I’m sick of everything!”

Natsume is going to die in a few moments and he’s okay with it. He’s even happy about it, because there is really nothing worth living for. He doesn’t have a future, or hopes and dreams. This whole time he has been living for Ruka and his family, doing everything he can to keep them safe. Nothing he’s done in the past two years has been for himself. This may be the very first selfish thing he has done in all this time. He’s ready to die.

It’s not like he had something to look forward to anyway.

Natsume is about to die, until the wind is knocked out of him and he’s suddenly on the ground, with Mikan grabbing his shirt and screaming into his face that he’s an idiot. He’s lying on the floor because one of his stupid classmates--the one he hates the most, the stupid girl with the nullification alice and her head so full of rainbows and butterflies and happiness he could barf just thinking about her, the one that walked right into the worst thing that ever happened to him and smiled about it--tackled him and stopped his suicide attempt.

Just one split second changes everything and there's nothing he can do about it.

Yes, the previous chapters leading up to this explained why Natsume wants to die, and how miserable his life is, but they also mark another thing: the only fifteen and a half chapters where Natsume isn’t in love with Mikan.

In this moment, she saves his life. She risks her own safety on a whim to protect him, and she does. She didn’t come all this way for nothing! She’s willing to fight Reo and any henchmen to protect Natsume, who can’t even walk without help. Natsume was not expecting this.

He asks why she even came back, but she makes it clear it wasn’t a choice--they’re partners, after all! It’s her job to look after him.

The next few scenes are Mikan protecting Natsume, and it’s important to point out that nobody has ever done that before. Natsume is always the one doing the sacrificing and protecting, and he’s okay with that. He doesn’t want Ruka to be burdened by his hardships, or for Aoi to be held responsible for something she did under a dangerous fever. He will do the hard thing, will be the caretaker, because that’s who he’s always been.

It might be uncomfortable and strange for him, but Natsume is being taken care of here, led to hiding spots and being protected. When he tries again to convince her to leave him behind, he’s using all the insults he can think of. This is another way of protecting people: hurting them so that he can further distance himself from them and keep them safe.

But Mikan fights back, saying, “Who do you think I came back for?”

Here Natsume finally understands something. The girl he has hated ever since she voluntarily enrolled into the school that uses him as a human weapon is more than a bumbling idiot. Her sickening optimism and determination are the reason he’s still alive now. He gave up on himself, but she refuses to. She’s the kind of person who would risk her own life to save a boy who has caused her nothing but grief, because she can see value in his existence that he can’t.

Natsume's never thought of himself as even having a future before, let alone a happy one.

And she says, “Everyone is waiting for you.” Natsume used to look down on her optimism and rose-colored lenses, because how naive is it to think things will just work themselves out? That the future will be better? That there’s something worth working for, even if you aren’t sure what it is? It’s stupid. Natsume knows better: life sucks and then you die because you get kidnapped and you have to commit suicide or else your loved ones will get hurt. Relying on stupid things like positivity or hope is just a waste of time.

But not this time. This girl is saving him because there’s a bright future awaiting her, but more than that: she sees a bright future for him too. She thinks things will work out for him too, that he has moments to look forward to where he will laugh and cry and live--moments he hasn’t seen yet. There’s still so much life left for him to live, and he’s never thought of it that way.

For the first time in a long time, Natsume is thinking about his own future.

He doesn’t argue when Mikan stands up to protect him, or when she grabs his hand to try and lead him from danger. He trusts her now and even more, he wants to live.

And then Mikan gets overpowered by a goon, who slams her into the wall in order to get to Natsume.

And that pushes Natsume’s berserk button, because now he cares about Mikan, and he goes absolutely unhinged whenever someone he cares about is hurt.

Mikan has become precious to Natsume only a few minutes ago, but he's kinda ride-or-die so it's like going from 0 to 100.

Just a few chapters ago, a middle-schooler grabbed Mikan and threatened to hurt her if Natsume didn’t back down and Natsume just laughed. Now he’s detonating a whole shipyard because somebody shoved her.

Yes, he does set off the dynamite, because he’s no longer thinking rationally and how dare someone hurt Mikan?

We’re not really sure what consequences this had, if he ended up inadvertently hurting himself or Mikan in the process of getting revenge against this man for hurting a girl who he just started having feelings for like five minutes ago, but both of them end up hospitalized.

Conclusion

This whole arc is a fucking MASTERPIECE. We’ve met Natsume before, but that was the old Natsume. That Natsume was miserable and didn’t have anything to look forward to. We’ve just met a new Natsume; a Natsume who has hopes and desires and will do selfish things because of them. His life is still dark and dreary and miserable, but there’s a light coming in now, and he’s content now just to be in the sun for a little bit until his life comes to a complete end, which will still be sooner than later.

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[sou-ver-2-0]

Why calling it "logic versus emotion" makes sense

At the end of chapter 2 in Your Turn To Die, the player is forced to choose between killing Sou or Kanna. Kanna frames this as a choice between "logic" and "emotion," where saving Sou is the "logical" choice and saving Kanna is the "emotional" choice. 

Personally, I love the writing in this part. I think it's the strongest writing in the whole game. However, since joining the YTTD fandom, I've read various posts from fans who don't like calling this a simple choice between "logic" and "emotion." For them, it felt like an emotional choice to save Sou, while it was a logical choice to save Kanna. After seeing this argument so many times, I decided to unpack my feelings on it. I also wanted to write my own defense of why calling this a choice between "logic" and "emotion" makes sense, at least to me. For me, it all comes down to how it’s written as a choice between two opposing worldviews, and I don’t focus on the little technicalities. I’ll also argue that the game is using descriptive language, rather than prescriptive language.

But first, we have to deal with a strange irony about this choice:

For the genre-savvy player, yes, it IS "logical" to save Kanna and "emotional" to save Sou.

Before writing anything about this choice, I need to acknowledge that Sara and the Player are two different people. They're obviously connected, and they inform each other's feelings and choices, but they still exist in different worlds. Sara is actually trapped in a Death Game. The Player is vicariously experiencing what it would be like to be trapped in a Death Game through a fictional story.

I'm not going to argue that Sara necessarily likes Kanna more than she likes Sou, and thus it is more "emotional" for her to save Kanna. It's possible to play Sara as someone who isn't that affectionate of Kanna, and she can act generously towards Sou. That's not the main issue here.

The issue is that the Player expects the fictional story to go in certain directions based on the morality of their choices, while Sara has no such meta expectations. The Player can reasonably expect to be rewarded with a happy ending at the end of YTTD if they make the "correct" moral choices. Saving Kanna feels like the "morally correct" choice on a gut level because she's a child, while Sou is an adult. So the Player may choose to save Kanna purely for logical reasons. They're not trying to be selfless or wise; they just want a reward from a videogame. And...they're not wrong! Immediately after saving Kanna, the player is rewarded with a cathartic scene with Joe, cluing us in to the idea that choosing Kanna is the "good path." 

Meanwhile, if the Player saves Sou, they're saving him in spite of knowing that this could logically lead to a "dark path." You might save Sou because he's a fascinating character, or because you're curious what will happen, or simply because you think he's cute. These are all emotional reasons. Maybe you don't expect any "happy" rewards if you save Sou, but you still expect the story to be exciting with him around.  

Speaking for myself, I want to see both the Kanna and Sou routes for reasons that are both emotional and logical. I sympathize with both characters, and I want to analyze them as they continue their arcs. I just think they're great characters connected to fascinating themes about humanity.

In other words, the Player is going to have all sorts of feelings about this choice based on the safety of their separation from the Death Game. It's only a videogame to us. We're not actually killing a child or a young man. We still feel sad about the story, but it's a safe sadness, one we can control. You can make your choice based on which type of tragedy is more interesting to you in the moment.

So that's how the Player experiences the choice, but what about Sara? Does it still make sense to call it a decision between "logic" and "emotion" for her? I would argue, "yes." First of all...

"Logic" and "emotion" are descriptive terms for the argument styles of Kanna and Sou, respectively. 

Using "descriptive" terminology means that we attempt to classify language as it is actually being used. Using "prescriptive" terminology means that we dictate how we should be using language.

When Kanna calls this a choice between logic and emotion, you might have thought she was being prescriptive. You might have thought something like, "You can't tell me how I should feel about this." But I think Kanna was simply being descriptive of the language she and Sou were using. It's a fair assessment of their opposing argument styles.

Kanna argues that you should vote for her by appealing to your sense of logic. She eloquently makes the case that Sou has proven himself invaluable to the team with his computer hacking skills. He came extremely close to finding an escape route just before the second Main Game began. With more time, he could find another one. If he dies, there is no one else in their party with his valuable skill set. She also effectively weaponizes her own helplessness by arguing that she is a "useless" child. She states that dying for the greater good "is the only thing she can do." What I love about Kanna's argument is how she twists Sou's own words against him, since Sou has been using coldhearted logical arguments since the beginning. She shows how much she's learned from him, and she's even able to outsmart him.

Sou argues that you should vote for him by appealing to your emotions. He furiously makes the case that he is the most hated member of the team and that you should give into your hatred of him. He says that the choice ought to be obvious based on your feelings. He calls Kanna stupid. He keeps shouting "Stop!" and "No!" He waves his arms in despair. He resorts to threats and exclaims that he will never forgive anyone who votes for Kanna. Sou's argument is compelling because we have never seen him so vulnerable before. Even with his strong will to live, he has an even more desperate will to save the little girl he's grown to care for. It's devastating to watch such a man break down. After losing his previous eloquence, he is forced to bare his soul and pray that that is enough.

However, even with all that in mind, you could still argue on a technicality that some of Kanna's statements are emotional while some of Sou's statements are logical. For example, when Kanna says that she is useless, this reflects her emotional state since she has low self-esteem. And when Sou starts threatening people, it's logical to take his threats seriously. 

But there's something deeper at work here than technicalities. There's still something at the core of their arguments that makes the choice to save Sou "logical" and Kanna "emotional."

At its core, this debate is about how to measure a human life's worth. Do you measure a human life based on how "useful" they are? Or do you recognize a person's worth based on their humanity alone? 

This is a choice between two worldviews, which the story calls "logical" and "emotional." 

In the logical worldview, you prioritize a person's usefulness over their humanity for the greater good. Also, you must be willing to use people like tools for the greater good.

In the emotional worldview, you refuse to reject anyone's humanity, even if it threatens the greater good. Also, you must accept that some moral causes are more important than survival. 

If you vote to save Sou, then Sara prioritizes the greater good; theoretically, the group can use Sou to escape. But being willing to use Sou this way rejects Sou's humanity, because we would be using his talents against his will. For Sou, escape is not worth the cost of Kanna's life. Sara also rejects her own humanity by treating both Sou and Kanna as objects instead of people. Kanna is discarded as a useless object, while Sou is kept as a potentially useful one. This is why Sara guiltily calls this "the worst possible choice" when she makes it. And it's why Sou seems to care more about revenge than survival in this route; there is no meaning in a world where we must sacrifice children.

If you vote to save Kanna, Sara does so knowing it may be harder for the group to escape without Sou's skills. But she embraces Sou's humanity by allowing him to follow his heart. She also strengthens her own humanity by refusing to cross a moral line. This is why Sou actually keeps his will to live in this route and mounts a desperate escape before his death. Because there's still meaning in a world where Kanna is allowed to live. He still dies, but with peace and purpose, and having repaid Sara for freeing his true heart.

In any case, you may still disagree with the semantics of "logic" and "emotion" to describe these worldviews, though they work for me personally. I have one more point to address.

Is it really logical to save someone who threatens you?

At this point, I'd like to talk about the most logical member of the group, the character who immediately votes to kill Kanna: Keiji Shinogi.

You, the Player, may believe that Sou will get his revenge if he lives, because it would make a compelling story. And Sara, a high-school student, may be reasonably afraid of Sou's threats, because Sou has tried to hurt her before. Even though the text doesn't portray Sara as being afraid of Sou in this moment, I understand why the Player would fear for Sara's life. In other words, a logical reason to kill Sou is because you don't believe you can control him. How do you force an adult man to behave?

Enter Keiji Shinogi, who doesn't hesitate. Keiji is stronger than Sou, and he's wicked smart. He's confident in his own abilities. And he understands vengeance better than anyone. He doesn't underestimate Sou, who has outwitted him before, but he decides to accept the risk. Like Sou, Keiji has a ruthless will. I believe that one reason Keiji voted first was because he wanted to assure everyone that "your friendly policeman" would keep Sou in line. So even though Sara doesn't act afraid of Sou in this moment, Keiji is there to calm any hypothetical fears the Player has. 

And Keiji commits to this role! In the beginning of Chapter 3, in the route where Kanna dies, the first thing Sou does is disturb the group peace. He puts on his "tough" mask and pretends that he never really cared about Kanna. In response, as everyone else is fidgeting nervously, Keiji laughs and calls out Sou on his bullshit. He eviscerates Sou emotionally, effectively putting Sou in his place and forcing him to be submissive, for now. It's Keiji's way of reminding Sou that they already know how weak he is, and Sou isn't going to get away with any tricks under Keiji's watch. Even if Sou's only "trick" in this case is to pretend he has any pride left.

From a storytelling perspective, I'm sure that these two will keep playing their power games, and Sou is likely to regain the upper-hand eventually. But from an in-universe perspective, Keiji looks like he knows exactly what he's doing in this scene, and Sou looks like a fool who better do what he's told. That is, if he doesn't want Keiji to skewer his heart in front of everyone again.

So where am I going with this?

My most generous interpretation of Keiji's vote is that he decided that Sou's life had value inasmuch as he could use Sou. After all, it's not like Keiji spared Sou out of compassion. Keiji just said that he hated Sou more than anyone he's ever known--and Keiji already killed someone else he hated. The harsher interpretation of Keiji's vote is that he fully expects Sou to die later due to his zero percent survival rate, which would make Kanna's presence technically more of a "threat" to Keiji's own survival. However, I prefer to think that Keiji was swayed by Kanna's brilliant defense of Sou's usefulness. That's because Keiji isn't a simple monster; he's a complex man who still wants to "serve and protect" the group...in his own way.

To follow in Keiji's footsteps and vote with "logic" means that Sara decides to trust Keiji's judgment. We know that Keiji is one of the smartest and strongest characters, in addition to being Sara's reliable ally. This is why I think it's still "logical" for Sara to save Sou in spite of his threats. Because Keiji is still there. 

Conclusion

That's why framing the choice as one between "logic" and "emotion" works for me. I see it as a choice between two worldviews, one in which people are valued for their usefulness, and the other in which people are valued for their humanity. 

I understand that the Player is going to have their own thoughts and feelings about this choice. Believe me, I was heartbroken too! I really wanted Sou to redeem himself and live. And I think Sara even feels the same way, since she pleads "Don't kill our ally!" when Safalin threatens Sou. It's still possible that Sou could redeem himself in the route where he lives, but I imagine it will be more important that the Player faces consequences for killing Kanna. But no matter what happens in Chapter 3, it doesn't change the fact that it looked possible in Chapter 2 for Sou's skillset to save everyone, and everyone was operating under that mindset.

I think that the writing in this game is stellar so I wanted to defend the story's framing. It surprised me to see folks who had reacted to it differently, but that's all part of the fun. It got me thinking about how interesting it is that the Player and Sara view things differently. It also got me thinking that what seems like a logical choice in the moment could feel like the wrong decision in hindsight.

Thanks for reading!

[anadrawzone]

Tawnas departure

Wrote by: Ana González | Translated by: Oxide Mr. Crumb

- … Cortex was defeated. Do you know what that means? -

After an endless adventure touring tropical islands; Ancient ruins, rivers and waterfalls, mines, laboratories and even a macabre castle, our orange hero had finally managed to banish the villain. A battle between two opposite poles that, without hesitation at all, would surely have its revenge.

Now he just had to stay with the girl and live happily ever after, a wonderful ending to the story of these two lovebirds ... Or so it was supposed. -------- --------

Tawna and Crash watched the beautiful sunset on the horizon. Filled with vibrant warm colors, sitting in that old purple blimp. Crash was happy, fulfilled that he had achieved his main goal; his beloved was safe from any danger and no one was going to threaten them again, their own creator had fallen to a (possible) death and they were reunited again, but the girl did not look as happy as him. That confused him a bit.

While they "saw" the landscape, strangely the blonde girl was not paying attention to the beautiful image, instead, she was immersed in all her thoughts, doubts and desires staring at absolutely nothing. The little boy couldn't help but think that there was something wrong that was bothering him, so he slowly approached to see what she had.

- Uhm… ¿Mh? – The furry touched the blonde's arm gently, but hard enough to pull her out of her trance.

Tawna got up a little nervous and a little excited, turned to see the boy and began to talk to him in an animated way.

- Crash! You know, I really can't believe it, Yo- You came and rescued me. -She took a little pause to catch his breath. -Now that Cortex was defeated. Do you know what that means? - Crash shook his head somewhat confused, but interested in knowing the answer. Tawna leaned down to get closer to him and whispered. - It means we are free! -

- Woah. - Crash didn't quite understand; he knew all that, he had just experienced it ... Was it something so surprising?

"We can do what we want, be what we want…" Tawna moved from side to side, shaking a little. She could barely contain his excitement; Crash was quite curious of that. She was always someone very calm. - We can LEAVE THIS PLACE. - The girl took her partner's hands, joined them with hers and smiled at him. -Let's use this airship to get out of the Wumpa Islands. Crash, where would you like to go? We have so many possibilities. -

-…-

Crash did not take those words so well, he had to think about it for a couple of seconds, but he made the decision firmly, changed his face to a more serious one, taking a couple of steps away girlfriend and breathed a little. -Ah, ah. -

He shook his head firmly in denial, something unexpected for Tawna, who believed that the marsupial would be totally willing to go with her, that made her feel a lump in her throat. - No? ex-excuse me...? - With some pain, small tears began to fall from the blonde's face, even if Crash had not answered, her reaction would have been the same. She slowly sat down so she could catch up with the orange.

Crash felt bad, he didn't expect her to react that way, he got closer again and placed his hand on Tawna's shoulder and she looked up.

-I don't understand, why would you want to stay? - - Uh! Ah! - Crash tried to make various gestures, trying to tell the girl that he couldn't just leave, he felt that he should stay in this place.

Now that he thought about it, he had never seen beyond the Wumpas Islands, would it be worth leaving his home? Also, what about the flora and fauna of the islands? Without Aku Aku's protection something very bad could happen ...

I understand that your heart is very big, but you haven't seen the things that I saw when I was a prisoner. YOU HAVE NO IDEA ... - Tawna took a breath of air and began to count all the atrocities she had witnessed, things that only few mutants managed to see ... because she was not part of the army forces itself.

The blonde was created with a different purpose, her intelligence and attitude were perfect to stay after army operations and also to be Crash company; a hand that moved the strings, planning movements and giving orders, as well as a reason for his strongest general to always be loyal to his master.

Not being created to fight, the blonde never went through the lethal tests of Dr. Cortex and instead of having a strict training, she had some freedom to explore the castle, to learn the necessary and analyze everything she could. The girl was curious and would soon regret learning too much. ____________________________

Brio wasn't the best at keeping an eye on Tawna, regularly letting her wander alone and talking to other experiments wich she never saw again, very regularly wondering << Where will so many animals go?>>.

One of those days the girl found that "the subject" was being taken to one of the mysterious tests, the girl with some nerves began to follow her partner from a distance, while he was taken by two laboratory assistants; the mutant followed them quite happily, taking long strides while admiring the castle walls, as if it were a simple morning walk. After a certain time, they reached the test chamber, where the voice of their creator was heard through a speaker on the wall.

- Are you ready? - Asked the evil Dr. Neo Cortex, with some joy in his voice, Crash only responded by shaking his head up and down, while Tawna (without having entered) watched everything from a window placed in one of the walls.

What she saw did not liked at all, because, although Crash had no idea at the time, he was crossing highly lethal obstacles; Explosives, fatal falls and possible splinters could be seen from all sides ... this was inhuman, now the girl had an idea of ​​where most of the friends that the bandicoot had made for weeks were going. Thinking of the worst for her partner, Tawna closed her eyes, wishing he managed to survive and not have to re-enter that ugly place again. Fortunately, the first of his prayers was fulfilled, unfortunately the second was not.

Weeks and even months passed, but the girl never managed to meet her goal, at least Crashworth was skillful enough to pass the tests without problems ... but only a few managed to reach the half. The blonde was grateful that she didn't have to go through all that, but she wished that no one else was forced to follow this silly plan of world domination, so she tried to resort to many things. She tried to talk to his friend and best company about the danger he was exposing to, but there was not much to do, Crash had a routine that became more and more strict, with less time in the cages and more in training, by far, whatever he wanted, he couldn't find a safe way to reunite with the girl without alerting the security of the place, so Tawna looked for other alternatives to undo all this. She spoke hundreds of times with Brio, it seemed that he did want to resign, however he always retracted his words, contradicted himself or ignored his surroundings.

- Yes, yes sweet one, we will end this soon, but I cannot disobey the master so easily ... maybe if we joined forces, we could… uh... No-no, I- maybe, ugh. SIGHT. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I feel like they're watching us, I could be in trouble …-

- But Brio I know you can convinc- The subordinate man's alien hand covered her mouth, seeing what appeared to be Cortex's shadow approaching.

- I can't, stop trying. It's time for you to go back to your cage ... you are not supposed to learn about this. - This was the case until the fateful day when the Cortex Vortex was used on the remaining mutants, after several failed tests and breakdowns that our blonde had caused in sabotage attempts.

____________________________

-I'm so glad that neither of us had become an evil slave of that cretin ... Now do you understand why we should not stay? He could still be here! -

- MHM! - Clearly Cortex could still be on the islands somewhere, but Crash was sure that there was still some goodness in that man, he could feel it, hear it. Something that Tawna surely did not know, if Cortex came back ... he should at least try and prove that there is still a kind heart within the doctor.

Having made his girlfriend understand this, she finally resigned herself to accepting her lover's wish. It was sad to think about it, both of them had supported each other when they did not know anyone else, always trying to see for each other, but now their paths were going in different directions ... they did not want to separate, but they were not going to force the other to do something they did not want.

Crash walked over to Tawna and gave her a big hug, while she was still sitting up. -Okay, you want to stay, but I can't do it… not with what I saw, not when I couldn't even protect myself, I wouldn't want to be a hindrance and that you have to worry about me. I'll be back… when I'm strong enough… Maybe we can go on an adventure together that day, okay? - A few tears came from both of them, each one gently dried the other's cry.

Thus, having agreed to separate, Tawna still couldn't leave and leave Crash completely alone and to his own devices, so she stayed for a few weeks while they built a nice home for him to live in. They spent beautiful times, laughed and rested on the seashore ... But despite all that new peace, they still felt the threat of Cortex in the air. His memories were still very fresh.

Crash took a stick and began to write in the sand "Where do you plan to go?", Then stung the blonde a bit slowly. Then she turned around and read the message.

- "I ... I don't really know." - The girl began to think a bit. She did not know the world as it is, she had only heard of it, but never gone. -I have a small map around here, maybe I could start with a somewhat remote place ... Wait, I'll go find it. - She stopped and entered the half-built house, looking among her things for a map that she remembered keeping. Meanwhile, Crash was waiting on the beach, Aku aku appeared out of nowhere (Literally), returning from having checked the status of the Islands. - Fortunately, there hasn't been any sign of Cortex around here in a long time, but I think I've seen an unknown mutant near here. I couldn't check if it was hostile or not so the best thing would be to prepare for whatever is coming. Its coming. –

Crash complied with what his mentor said and quickly stood on guard, ready to await a possible attack from a new enemy. Seconds later, the bushes in the distance began to rustle, moving strongly, much more than it would if a normal animal were behind them, so the marsupial was sure the enemy was there. A couple more steps and the creature emerged from its hiding place, falling as it became entangled with one of the roots of the plants around it. - Huhf! - The orange boy approached slowly ... looking at the creature he thought it did not look like a monster ... or a dangerous mutant, the creature was small, thin and with large blond hair. The girl got up slowly and our hero realized that he was a bandicoot just like him and Tawna ... how strange, they thought they were the only ones of that species created by Cortex

- ¿A-are you… Crash? – Said the girl touching her head. -Yes ... I would recognize I would recognize you wherever, you are something famous brother. -

Aku aku was quite surprised - Wait, brother? - The mask made his protégé move a bit away from the stranger, putting himself in front of her face (which Crash was unable to see, so he began to look out from all possible sides).

- Ehh… Ok, explained it. - He took a breath, raising one of his hands as if pointing to something.

- My name is Coco, I was created by this "Cortex" - While Coco said that Crash said in a low voice “¿Da-Daddy?”, something that made the minor make a somewhat disgusted face. -Yes ... you could say that he is like your father ... not mine, only the one who created me. He told me about you, he said you were still around ... he said you had abandoned me. And well I wanted to know if it was-true. -

- Crash, Crash!! I know it took me a long time, but I found the map. There is a very large island near ... - Tawna left the house euphoric, but stopped in her tracks when she saw the unknown mutant and was placed in a battle pose. - Who-who is she? -

-Coconut. Crash's sister… I need to talk to you. - Coco began to explain why he was here, what had happened these last weeks. -Well, while you guys escaped, I stayed behind. I always wondered why they had run away without me, it's strange. But I did not trust that strange bighead, if you are my family ... why would you? -Oh dear, we… we had no idea that you existed- The two older bandicoots went to hug the smallest, they knew that Cortex could be someone very cruel and liar.

-I think I've been lost for weeks… I didn't know if they were still here, I'm glad I found them. I thought I would be alone on this desolate island. Thanks. -

Coco smiled as they continued with the hug, which lasted a long time, the Bandicoot family just as it had suddenly grown a little more, in the same way it would lose a member. At least Crash would no longer be completely alone, with Coco and Aku by his side, any evil could be stopped. And Tawna? She would go a little calmer. Nervous about going somewhere unaccompanied, but she had to. She had to prove to herself that she would never be a damsel in distress again. Thus gathered all together, they continued talking throughout the afternoon, what they would make of their lives as they would keep communicated. The older blonde ultimately decided to venture to live near Sydney, Australia; due to the good reviews of the place. In addition to having received a curious message from some mutants that were established in that place. Tawna remembered them and thought they had perished during tests and experiments, but somehow, they also escaped without anyone knowing.

--------------

It took another 2 weeks until the house was completely finished. With decisions made and ready to be executed; Tawna packed her things, climbed into the old Cortex airship, and said goodbye to the brothers.

-I will write and send you messages whenever I can. Don't stop saving the world, please. - The girl dropped her suitcases to be able to receive a hug from the two boys, the last hug.

- We hope you find your place soon. Be the best version of yourself. - Coco was quite happy for her friend, but sad for her departure while Crash shed a few tears that he couldn't contain.

- ¡A-dah! – Crash said enthusiastically.

- Bye guys, take good care of yourselves. - The girl finished getting on the airship, taking flight and going to explore the endless world. Who knows, maybe one day the 4 of them can get together again as one big family.

- Let's go home, kids. - Aku aku thought of preparing a good hot chocolate to spend the cold night in the jungle, inside a little house surrounded by trees, where three heroes rested waiting for a new evil to fight.

[joeysmartass]

Why Equius Zahhak Is Criminally Underrated:A Homestuck Analysis

Out of all the Homestuck characters there’s one I feel like doesn't get the proper attention he deserves and that’s Equius Zahhak. Which I think is a damn shame because if you take time to analyze him Equius is an extremely compelling character and I hope to shed a spotlight on him.

First of all l understand why people don’t like Equius and why I think what people don’t like is exactly what makes his characterization interesting. Let’s get the obvious out of the way Equius is consistently characterized by his creepiness. He constantly engages in weird behavior. He constantly sweats has a weird fixation on the hemospectrum, and becomes a flustered mess whenever some uses as he put it “Foul Language". No doubt about it he is a strange loner with poor social skills and that’s part of what makes him work. Due his strange tendencies he is often underappreciated by his peers. For example him making Aradia bot having blue blood while it is creepy he saw it as a legitimate gift to Aradia. He has an extremely strong borderline obsessive respect for the hemospectrum so he made Aradia's blood blue to serve her and her greater agenda. His servitude is also a reason people don’t find him all that compelling .Equius by his very nature does not live for himself and that’s exactly why he’s interesting. Equius looks for the meaning to his own life from taking command from people of higher authority than him and even people with little authority over him. As a prime example Nepta who he has the closest relationship with with there interactions he still has a servant like role. He does whatever he thinks will make Nepta the most happy which if you stop and think about is not a normal relationship .I'm not suggesting that there relationship is parasitic or toxic in someway in fact quite the opposite this is just how he approach relationships. All of this show’s a fundamental truth about Equius as a character has no personal meaning to life.

Why does Equius life philosophy matter and how does it relate to the overall narrative? First we must tell an important truth about Equius: he has no personal meaning for life. This represented by his aspect Void. Void fundamentally represents emptiness and oblivion which is representative of Equius character .It’s not a stretch to say that Equius philosophy is Nihilistic or rather his lack of one .This is also why people widely seem to forget about Equius both in universe and out of universe but I think is nihilistic philosophy is fascinating. You may be wondering but Gamzee also is a nihilist and he’s far from underappreciated. The main difference is that despite him having no true purpose he still remains an active character. Gamzee when he’s sober he kills for no identifiable reason unlike someone like Eridan who has clear motives for killing people. When he’s stoned despite him talking a lot he isn’t very active. Much like his stoner persona he couldn’t care less about taking any direct action. What show this the most is that his advice for dealing with your problems is to simply slam a Faygo and wait for miracles. Gamzee is a character who just let’s things passively happen to him and doesn't concern himself with the bigger picture. He’s very similar to Equius in having a very passive approach to life whoever what cement’s Gamzee as a fan favorite and Equius as largely forgotten is whereas Gamzee doesn't care about the plot the plot doesn't care about Equius. Gamzee despite being mindless in his killings he still serves as a major threat so despite his passive mindset he still is an active character. Similarly due to stoned Gamzee’s social nature he becomes a relevant character simply because other characters listen to what he has to say even he doesn't have much to say. It make me sad to see such an interesting character be overshadowed by his very nature but alas that's just how it happen. But hopeful I help put some spotlight on an underappreciated character.

[cheerystarlightwish]

Millionaire Detective Balance: Unlimited Episode 10 Thoughts

Hi guys! Episode 10 was such a gift. With everything that is going on, I feel quite down that the coming episode might be the last one. The show has such a great fandom and wonderful potential that it definitely would be saddening once it ends. I sincerely can’t wish enough for  there to be more seasons, what a joy that would be for all of us. Moreover, I don’t mean to sound repetitive or ungrateful but, it really still feels as though we just started. Neither of the thoughts, theories, and analyzations I did from episode 9 were validated nor nullified. I’m not quite sure what to think of that yet but I guess, it would mean that I was thinking too much about it. Even though I have quite a lot of questions as of now, I feel like a lot of those will be put to rest once the next episode comes out. As such, I really can’t wait for this coming Friday (the day it is released in my country). Anyways, For those who haven’t watched the recent episodes yet, there are spoilers ahead as I share my thoughts so please be cautioned! Thank you, have a nice day, and stay safe!

(Disclaimer: Any similarities with other posts are purely coincidental. Moreover, if that does happen, I am glad that there are many who think so too because that increases the probability of the statement, thought, analyzation, or theory being somewhat true.)

______________________________________________________________

Episode 10 provided several insights about Haru’s trauma, Daisuke’s stance or sentiments about the whole case, and the relationship between the former and the latter. I may not have the answer to all of the questions I had like “who were purchasing adollium?”, “what is adollium’s true purpose? Is it that versatile?”, “are other Kambes in on this side of the business?”, and “why do the higher ups not want to get involved?” but, what we got was beyond my imagination. It’s interesting because compared to other animes, the action scenes were not as “explosive”. It gave the episode an overall touch of reality that grounded me as I continued watching with bated breath. It made me realize that there are only two of them against a whole group of enemies, a very dangerous situation one can find themselves in. Even if it is not as “colorful” as other animes’ fights, I can’t help but feel the adrenaline with every punch they throw and narrow escape they pull off. In their own right, they were such iconic and noteworthy aspects which deserved the attention and praise they got. 

Another thing I got fascinated with are the struggles of both Haru and Daisuke. Haru’s trauma is not exactly new news to us. We already knew from previous episodes just how badly the past event affected him but episode 10… episode 10 gave us a whole new perspective on the real extent of the damage it did to him. They were in such a precarious position, life or death for both of them, and yet he still hesitated. Haru obviously wanted to help and save Daisuke but his fear was just too great despite his effort to overcome it. He needed an extra push and boy am I glad the former gave it to him. If it weren’t for Daisuke’s encouraging words, a touching wake up call, the situation would have gotten so much worse. Additionally, I liked how Daisuke picked his words during that moment. He reminded Haru that he’s always been a hero and that he should stay true to his beliefs about being an officer and uphold justice. I feel like that was exactly what Haru needed to hear after losing his confidence to “take charge” ever since that hostage incident years ago. I am glad to see him revert back to his old self, and arguably an even better person which is a combination of both his old and new self, after succumbing or resigning to the limitations of his job with all the “listening to higher ups because we are merely below them” attitude.  

Throughout all that development with Haru, I was pleased to find out that Daisuke was not left behind. His development was no doubt scattered among all the episodes but this episode highlighted just how far he has come. It’s especially evident on how he kept on protecting Haru, his wake up call to him, his compassion towards the enemies on board who were trying to escape the sinking ship, and his confrontation with his father. To be honest, I expected him to lash out at Shigemaru and become quite “cold-hearted”. Surprisingly for me, that is not what we got at all. Instead, we get this Daisuke that calmly approached and arrested his father not on the account of his mother’s murder whose case was deemed closed 19 years ago, but on the murder of Cho-san and Takei-san. Those seemingly little details provide such a clear perception that he did not only do this for himself, his mother’s case which was his main priority, but for the others he cared for as well, Cho-san and Takei-san’s case which affected their department hard. It was such a pleasant turn of events that I can’t help but feel complete fondness for his character. 

Lastly, I adore how they showed and revealed where the two main characters’ relationship is at. For the past few episodes, we see them arguing and evidently looking like they are on different sides. Fortunately, episode 9 hinted that that may not be the case and episode 10 completely refuted it during that scene where Daisuke tried to arrest his father. They’ve come so far and it was such a treat to find and notice that subtle and not so subtle changes in their relationship. From their first case together which ended in Haru falling from a bridge, to that hostage incident in an airplane, and finally to their current dynamic in the recent episode. They fit together so well that I bet once this case with Shigemaru is over, their duo will be one of the best there is. Together with the whole MCPTF team? They will be such a badass department.

Predictions:

Though I love episode 10 with all my heart, I can’t help but feel a little sad with the notion that the whole business with adollium and weapons ended just like that, with a sinking ship. It was more than 19 years in the making and the company involved is one of the biggest in the world so, I find it quite difficult to believe that there is nothing more to it after that. Even though I feel that way and with the realization that I might be looking too much into it, I wanted to tone down and step back a little with regards to my thoughts, theories, and predictions for the show. Therefore, I would only be playing with the idea of it’s possible continuity. Given the audiences’ positive reception of the anime, it would not be so far out of the blue for the staff to continue it. What I'm trying to say is what if Shigemaru going back to laboratory 3 and Daisuke and Haru’s future confrontation with the so-called final boss is not really the final? What if they pull a Tomb Raider (2018) type of ending? We are all aware that Shigemaru is part of Laboratory 3 but if you look at their organizational chart, there are a lot more divisions. What if the end is that Shigemaru wanted Daisuke to find out about the dirty dealings within their conglomerate out of his sense of guilt and regrets about his own actions? Now, I do not mean to “soften” his character but really just, what if he wanted the latter to realize that there is a much bigger threat and it’s hiding within their enterprise? Not only would that be an amazing follow up, but it would also ensure that there are future works to come regarding the franchise. A girl can dream, can she not?

(P.S Screenshots from Ani-One youtube account)

[schiste-argileux]

Idw Prowl is an evil SOB (took him two years to send the Wreckers to Garrus-9 and help Maxy (who was protecting all the war crimes the Bots did), put Maxy’s torturer and a war criminal on board the Lost Light cuz why not, sent Pharma to Delphi knowing it was DJD territory)

Prowl... Prowl’s creation and competence in his area of work is astounding. He is brilliant, creative, and defiantly apathetic of this world. But, he is very human in his own way. IDW Prowl is selfish, yet not. He is a unique in that aspect because most people make decisions like his for the sole reason of benefiting themselves. But Prowl’s sole reason of existing is to create PEACE. 

Peace. Peace can only be done when people are complacent, happy, and satisfied. When things are stationary. Stable. 

But life is never stable. Elements desire to form bonds, yet are almost always leaning towards to instability... Prowl’s form of PEACE is a world where there is no fighting. But everything sentient requires to fulfill its desires. As long as there is desire, people will fight. 

A world of PEACE would be a world of full control, there are no surprises, no change. Safety, routines, and constants. No creativity, no development... nothing. stagnant. 

But I must admire Prowl’s tenacity and dedication to this world! 

He sacrifices everything for the sake of the directive, preserve cybertron, PEACE. He sacrifices his morals (Robot Gets Bullied By a Human), his dignity (Recent News, Cop Accepts Orgy For The Means of Establishing Peace, his body (Recent News, Cop gets Molested by A Spider for The Autobot Cause), and of course, thousands of lives (Not Recent News). :D Prowl respects and understands that there will always be chaos and instability, and he is so very flexible around it all! He literally can maximize everything and anything he has. He is the embodiment of consequentialism with a lil dash of politics. I wish my group project members were 1% as productive as him! Prowl tries to put everything black and white, and he gets upset when things get far more tricky, and wants to get everything in control so people can stay safe and remain in peace and not fight! And that’s a respectable goal! Control can be good, it means one understands and is able to retain themselves and the thing they are controlling. But Prowl doesn’t want to accept that there are things out of his control. And Prowl likes to think he’s justified when he controls the uncontrollable. 

I mean, yeah, if he didn’t do what he did, the autobots would have been six feet under A LOT EARLIER. Optimus is not a good leader, preserving organic life over his own soldiers? Psh. Look at Spike, he’s got valid points and can I understand why he left the ‘bots. Prowl’s probably thinking everyday, DAMN, OP, WHY R U SO DUMB. LISTEN WE NEED TO FEED OUR SOLDIERS AND PRIORITIZE OUR SPECIES LIVES INSTEAD OF THIS FUCKING CARBON BASED CIRCLE. HELLO??? And literally Prowl could have been like I’m gonna get ya assassinated so I CAN HAVE IT MY WAY. But Prowl was BORN for the RULES. To follow, to MAKE PEACE. Killing the prime figurehead is against that, even if it would make his life way easier! (hence, not that selfish and also sad that your life is the rules. That’s a short leash, but he makes due)

Honestly I feel bad for Prowl. Must suck to be so big brain that everyone hates you when you say the truths (but also you could learn some more tricks from Jazz to be nicer and hide the truth, but that’s scary because a nicer prowl means more people he can trick and use. Thanks Prowl for being so straightforward! Now people can avoid you easier). He's so straightforward about things that need to be done, he’s in constant denial about the grey area of life!

That’s why when Spike slapped Prowl with reality slaps, Prowl lost some of his shit. Remember, nearly everyone had the edgy depressed time in their teens or young adult years where you realize the world is truly unfair and nothing is black and white? Yeah. Slap that on a 6+ million year old robot with a battle computer and is capable of big brain CPU-age, and was literally built for the sole purpose of enforcing rules and making peace? And no one really cared about Prowl enough to understand him and his background. So Prowl goes through his angst moment alone with his huge titties, frustrated. THIS. IS. WHY. YOU. COMMUNICATE. YA DINGUS. 

Prowl doesn’t become a school shooter like Pharma cuz hes got bigger brain and a lot more power and control over himself, but he literally becomes Shadow The Hedgehog (Even if the world’s against me I’ll fight like I’ve always have). HE’S GONE ROGUE. MA’AM, SIR, THE FUCKING OREO COOKIE HAS TRANSFORMED AND ROLLED OUT.  like. OP was the one thing holding prowl back, which was good! But now prowl’s on the roll and bumblebee is too nice and passive to hold him back. + the bombshell brainwash? feels so bad. being prowl sucks. because Prowl is a necessary evil. 

At least he’s wonderfully blunt about his goal to create a peaceful cybertron, which makes it easier if you want to avoid him or smth. meanwhile you have fake people IRL that smile their way through and then slit your throat and you won’t even know it was them (hey jazz, no offense, but that’s what spec ops does). Fakers are the scariest enemy, but Prowl is still a threat, just not as big as a someone who fluffs you up on a balloon and then pops it. Prowl would just be like, hey, you’re really useful, come over here in my white van i wanna show you something and then maybe you get destroyed. But hey! You were the one with the highest chance of surviving compared to other people! Isn’t that great? You’re so skilled WOW. (Prowl gets punched. Again!) Prowl represents the necessary evil in society. We WILL ALWAYS HAVE EVIL people in this world. But Prowl is a far better evil than people who do evil for their own selfish reasons. It’s like how we have law enforcers and politicians . It’s basically giving them legal rights to do illegal things (lmao). BUT we need them regardless. We need those people to get their hands dirty, possibly killed, so that people can live in innocence and peace. 

I don’t think Prowl ever realized that he was a necessary evil, and when Spike showed him that, he was bitter. But he accepted it. Which I respect because most people can’t be bothered to understand themselves and just throw themselves in denial, and point fingers for their flaws. Prowl sucks up and understands who he is, and he makes the best of it to achieve his goal.  I mean, honestly? Prowl is probably a miracle worker. Not in a Ratchet sense. But look at the way modern governments run, nothing gets done, everything is stalled because no one has the guts to make sacrifices. Prowl would have gotten a shit ton of things done, man, and take quick efficient action. Even if he sacrifices many things for it.  (Warning. I do not condone any taking of lives, NO ONE has the right to judge whenever a person should live or die.)  Prowl reminds me of 秦始皇 (Qin Shi Huang), the king who unified China and sacrificed millions to make the Great Wall, canals, and road systems that last to this day. If it wasn’t for these accomplishments, China wouldn’t have been what it is today. Was it a good thing? For the future residents of China? Hell yeah. But the costs? Those are sins that can never be erased, and they are horrible and shouldn't be done ever again. Was it necessary? Perhaps. But that’s another discussion. Is Prowl evil? Depends on your definition of evil. Perhaps he’s justified, perhaps in his world, he’ll go down as the Qin Shi Huang of the Cybertronians. Regardless, Prowl like Pharma, is an EXCELLENT example to study on public ethics, and administrative officials should analyze him and learn from his mistakes and sins.  I think Prowl is not evil in a sense that he wishes to harm others, but evil in a sense of his apathy. Prowl is a necessary component to a functional society (someone to plot, to use people, to enforce rules even if some are sacrificed, someone who can get their hands dirty). He lives a terrible and sad fate, and I do not wish ANYONE to live a life like Prowl’s or look up to Prowl. Yes, he’s so clever and brilliant, but that kind of power will make you the loneliest person on Earth.

Thanks Prowl for taking the entire load of sin on your shoulders! Big MVP! You get nothing from the world except hate and contempt.  I would go on about him more but I have IRL stuff to do. I love Prowl as an example to tell people that MODERATION. COMMUNICATION. AND COMPASSION are important factors to have a healthy and good mental state. Prowl is the perfect example of someone who doesn’t want to empathize (haha so many people are like this today), who doesn’t want to try to use more braincells and friends help to make better plans that are more moderate and not extreme, and who doesn’t want to talk to anyone thinking its a waste of time or have difficulty explaining things.  BUT I LOVE G1 PROWL because he has far more patience and manners, and doesn’t take a darker, route for his goals. awhohdohd he’s baby,,, i wish all cops had patience and manners and in general open-minded yet cautious enough not to be taken advantage of,,,, perhaps then we wouldn’t have so much polarization and fighting with authority in this world.... 

uwuwwuwuwuw they did prowl so dirty in idw WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ;____;   Again, you are welcome to disagree or agree! I wrote this really quickly so I’m sure there will be points that could be clarified or edited. Prowl’s really complicated and I do not like to talk about current IRL problems, but Prowl represents a lot of problems in society. And I think it’s critical if we try to look at both perspectives to get an understanding on WHY people do these things, and is there a solution to AVOID making those same mistakes? There’s a couple of controversial things in this short essay I wrote, esp. about cops IRL. So feel free to have at it! Or ignore it! Whichever is more comfortable for you! Thanks for coming to my ted talk! Again, Prowl is a bad influence and a sorrowful life to live. please do not try to be like prowl. xD I won’t intrude on you if you do, because you have a right to live the life you want as long as you’re not hurting other people’s interests and wellbeing! 

[violethowler]

Mixed Signals

As we near the end of this series of essays, I’d like to take the time to talk about something that I’ve been wanting to discuss in relation to the Kingdom Hearts series for a while. I briefly mentioned it in my previous essays but never went into detail because I figured some corners of the fandom would be unreceptive to discussion if I brought it up. But given how many times I have seen Kingdom Hearts fans praise this series for its lack of negative male stereotypes, I think it worthwhile to explore how the series handles gender norms in relation to the Heroine’s Journey. 

Maureen Murdock developed her template while working as a therapist with women in their 30s who had pursued careers in heavily male-dominated fields only to find themselves feeling burnt out and unfulfilled once they achieved their goals. A significant part of her inspiration for the Heroine’s Journey came from her patients describing how they had set out trying to achieve success in these environments by emulating the men in their life such as their fathers, while pushing away the influence of their mothers[1]. As such, deep down the themes of the Heroine’s Journey reflect on the struggles of someone who doesn’t meet the ideals of what society tells them a person of their gender is supposed to be and critique those gender norms. 

On a meta level, Kingdom Hearts represents a fusion of cultures, made from a collaboration between an American and a Japanese company. While there are a few places where the two cultures overlap in terms of gender norms, it isn’t a 1:1 comparison. Therefore, the gender norms of both cultures should be taken into account when analyzing how the portrayal of the two leads in Kingdom Hearts aligns with the critique of gender roles presented by the Heroine’s Journey. 

In terms of Japanese cultural norms, Sora’s emotional openness, compassion, optimism, and ability to easily form connections with others are fairly standard for male protagonists in Shonen stories[2]. However, following the first game in the series, the narrative begins to deconstruct this archetype over the course of Sora’s character arc. From KH2 onward we see him use his cheerfulness and optimism to hide his own insecurities and self-doubt. Our first introduction to his life on Destiny Islands depicts him competing with Riku in physical challenges, while the other kids talk about how much stronger than him Riku is, setting him up for a disproportionate focus on physical ability over emotional. This leads him to believe that he has no strength on his own and must rely on the power of his friends in order to be worthy of recognition and praise. 

Related to Sora’s insecurities about his own strength, one archetype found in both Japanese and American culture is that of the masculine protector. The idea that a man must be ready and able to physically defend the people he cares about from harm, often to the point of self-sacrifice. In fiction, this trope is most frequently employed with a character’s friends, siblings, or romantic partner. The gender of the protectee can vary depending on the story and their relation to the protagonist, but male heroes protecting female love interests is one of the most common ways I’ve seen this trope be expressed. 

Failure to uphold this ideal is commonly used as a source of angst for the male protagonist. Heroes who fit this mould are known to brood heavily if harm comes to their loved ones that they are unable to protect them from, and in some stories may be ridiculed or shamed by others around them. There are also variations where the hero’s inability to protect them is used as a source of angst for the protectee in addition to the main character. Common in stories where the one being protected is a friend, sibling, or love interest, some narratives will have the protectee react to the hero’s inability to protect them by deciding to “toughen up” so that they don’t need protection. 

As mentioned in my first essay, the protagonist of a Heroine’s Journey and their Animus are frequently depicted as two sides of the same coin, with shared core character traits that manifest in contrasting ways because of their different circumstances. At the start of the Kingdom Hearts series, both Sora and Riku have built their sense of self-worth around their ability to live up to this idealized protector archetype. Their insecurities stem from their perceived failure to adhere to that role, with each of them coming at it from a different direction. 

Being the older of the two, Riku is presented as physically stronger than Sora, something which the other kids on Destiny Islands make note of in the first game. Tidus talking about how, despite getting stronger, Sora is “still no match for Riku[3]” and that Kairi “can always count on him(Riku)[3]” frames Sora’s insecurity about wanting to be on equal footing with his Animus as being rooted in his perceived inability to fulfill social expectations.  

When they meet again in Traverse Town, Riku’s first on-screen reaction to how Sora has changed since they last saw each other is surprise and confusion at Sora being able to defeat threats like the Heartless on his own, indicating that the root of Riku’s insecurities - which Maleficent of course exploits - is his belief that the value Sora places on their bond is conditional on Riku being needed as a protector. If Sora can fill that role himself, then what purpose does Riku have? 

In keeping with how protagonists are usually depicted fulfilling this role to the point of self-sacrifice, Sora and Riku have both shown a tendency towards throwing themselves in front of an enemy attack to protect someone they care about, such as when Riku leaps in front of Xemnas’s aerial blade to defend Sora in the final boss fight of Kingdom Hearts II, or when Sora puts himself between Kairi and Terranort. Xigbar even comments on this tendency when he talks about how he doesn’t admire “one guy leaping into danger if it means someone else might have to jump in to save him.[4]” 

From the western perspective, one of the things that many English-speaking fans have praised the series for is its avoidance of negative stereotypes in the writing of its male characters. A common cultural attitude in the United States holds that a man must always be stoic and aloof with everyone but his romantic partner. That a man who is open with his emotions, especially if it involves crying, is weak and unmanly. That engaging in activities that society associates with women and femininity makes one less of a man. 

But Kingdom Hearts, from the point of view of western fans, rejects all of that. The writing of the series allows its male characters to express the full range and depth of their emotions and not once does the narrative ever frame them as weak or pathetic for it. None of the male leads are ever made fun of for crying or expressing vulnerability, and they never reject doing something simply for being “girly”. Not only that, but the arc being set up for Sora to learn to acknowledge and work through his insecurities and self doubts instead of hiding them as an allegory works as a direct rebuke of the idea that showing emotional vulnerability is somehow unmanly. 

On another layer, Sora’s arc can also be seen as a critique of the Japanese concept of Honne and tatemae. Tatemae (literal meaning: “built in front” or “facade”) is the behavior and attitude one presents to the public that conforms to the expectations of society in addition to the individual’s station and circumstances, while Honne (literal meaning: “true sound”) represents a person’s true opinions, which are kept hidden except from close friends and may or may not match their tatemae[5]. This can sometimes be used on a more interpersonal level to evade confrontation and avoid hurting others’ feelings, such as when someone says “we should hang out sometime” with no intention of doing but not wanting to hurt the other person’s feelings by admitting that they aren’t interested. 

The idea of keeping one’s true feelings separate from what one says in public fits with how characters in the Kingdom Hearts universe have been shown to hide their own inner darkness and in some cases deny that it’s there, which Xehanort took note of in his conversation with the Master of Masters in Re:Mind. We also have Donald and Goofy’s talk in the beginning about how the Gummi Ship “runs on happy faces[3]” instilling in Sora - despite their good intentions - the idea that his negative feelings about the destruction of his home are a burden to the trio’s ability to complete their mission. As a result, Sora continues to downplay his own sadness and other similar emotions across subsequent games. As a contrast to this, Esmeralda tells Riku in Dream Drop Distance that everyone keeps things locked inside sometimes and that it’s okay to keep some things separate from the world at large until they’ve had time to figure out their feelings for themselves. In this context, the version of tatemae that Donald and Goofy present ultimately causes more damage in the long run, while Esmeralda offers a healthier model of the concept. 

So from a Japanese perspective, the Kingdom Hearts story is deconstructing two common archetypes found in coming of age narratives aimed at pre-teen and teenage boys and at the same time offering a critique of a common cultural attitude about individual expression. Meanwhile from a western perspective, the series defies conventional norms of masculinity and male characters in fiction while also critiquing elements of those views at the same time. 

Both of these are perfectly in tune with how the Heroine’s Journey structure provides social commentary on gender and cultural norms.

The fact that the series challenges the audience's perception of gendered narrative archetypes and social norms from multiple perspectives is also reflected in how it mixes the symbolism associated with its two lead characters. For example, the series repeatedly presents canon Disney Princess romances as parallels to Sora and Riku, but which of the two corresponds to the Disney Prince and which one is the Princess varies from one game to the next: 

Sora acknowledges in the first game that like Ariel, he wants to explore the outside world. The same game also presents Ursula tricking Ariel into helping her as a parallel to Maleficent’s manipulation of Riku. 

Kingdom Hearts I presents the Beast as a parallel to Sora through their shared refusal to give up after being laid low by Riku upon their arrival at Hollow Bastion. Meanwhile in Kingdom Hearts II, the Beast is presented as a parallel to Riku, as mentioned in my previous essay. 

The first game parallels Sora to Aladdin through similar shots of the two calling out for Riku and Jasmine respectively as they are forced to flee the location of a boss fight (the Cave of Wonders for Aladdin, Monstro’s stomach for Sora). Kingdom Hearts II uses Aladdin avoiding Jasmine at the start of Sora’s first visit to Agrabah to parallel Riku avoiding Sora throughout KH2 as a whole. 

While not considered an *official* Disney Prince (he’s still unofficially marketed as one), Kingdom Hearts III connects Hercules diving into the River Styx to save Megara’s soul with Riku’s sacrifice for Sora at the Keyblade Graveyard. Meanwhile in KH2, Hercules’s attempts to hide how exhausted he is trying to meet everyone’s expectations greatly resembles Sora hiding his doubts and insecurities. 

The fluidity of which one corresponds to the Disney Prince and which one is the Princess in these parallels also carries over to other narrative symbols. In visual mediums, the protagonist and Animus of a Heroine’s Journey are frequently depicted with a Yin and Yang motif - light and dark in balance with each other. In visual depictions of the concept of Yin and Yang, Yin is the black side - representing darkness and associated with femininity - while Yang is the white side - representing light and associated with masculinity[6]. Visual depictions of Yin and Yang use the Moon to symbolize Yin and the sun to represent Yang. Many visuals include an opposite color dot in the middle of each side, representing how the two forces balance each other out - there is darkness within light and light within darkness, so to speak. 

The depiction of Yin as darkness with an inner light aligns with Riku’s character arc over the course of the series, but Sora is the one associated with moon imagery. Meanwhile, Yang being the light with a bit of darkness inside matches how Sora is on the path toward learning to acknowledge the darkness in his own heart, but Riku, who walks the “Road to Dawn[7].” is the one visually connected to the sun. Even in other pairs that have narrative parallels to Sora and Riku, the Yin-Yang motif differs from conventional depictions. Instead of the typical male Yang and female Yin, Yozora and Nameless star’s Yin-Yang motif has the gendered colors reversed. Nameless star is dressed all in white with dark hair, while Yozora wears dark clothes and has lighter hair. 

This kind of fluidity in terms of symbolism and narrative parallels is perfect for a Heroine’s Journey. Many stories that follow the formula symbolically associate the male love interest with the archetypal damsel in distress, with the female protagonist being cast as the knight in shining armor heroically storming the castle in order to free them. But in the context of a Heroine’s Journey that is setting up a same-gender romance with two male leads, it adds an additional layer of meaning: 

A well known stereotype involving same-sex couples is that their roles in the relationship will be exactly the same as the roles that society associates with an opposite-sex pair, with one always corresponding to the “female” role and the other to the “male” one. The Uke/Seme trope common in fanfiction from the early 2000s is a notable example of this. By presenting a romantic relationship between two male leads where the symbolism and narrative parallels are framed in a way that depicts the implied gender roles as constantly being in flux, the narrative sends a message that people are too complicated and flexible for every romantic relationship to fit into the same rigidly defined roles.

In conclusion, the depiction of Sora and Riku both as individuals and as a developing romantic relationship is consistent with how the Heroine’s Journey challenges gender and cultural norms from the perspective of two different cultures. By following this narrative framework, the Kingdom Hearts series deconstructs gendered narrative archetypes from both Japan and the United States, reflecting its origins as a crossover between franchises popular in each country. 

Sources:

[1] The Heroine’s Journey; Maureen Murdock; 1990. 

[2] TV Tropes; Stock Shonen Hero; https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StockShonenHero

[3] Kingdom Hearts; Square Enix; 2002. 

[4] Kingdom Hearts III; Square Enix; 2019. 

[5] Wikipedia - Honne and tatemae https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honne_and_tatemae

[6] Wikipedia; Yin and Yang https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_and_yang

[7] Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories; Square Enix; 2004. 

[greyfongschemmenti]

Under Pressure 11|15

FryeArcana

Chapter 11

Busted

Summary:

You deal with being suspended from your job. A visit to Mako might help you find some resolution along with Bolin's premiere of the finale of his movers.

The metal door slides open as you walk in and see Mako slouched on the metallic cold bed. “long time since I’ve seen you” you mutter as Officer Song closes the door behind you as you take a seat at the chair in the corner. Mako perks up as he looks at you “y/n! I see you’re not cuffed.” He signed in relief. You shook your head, but frown upset with yourself “no, but I did get suspended. I’m off the case. Chief is furious with how I handled things.” You look and leaning over with your hands clasp together. “she thinks you played me…. I’m only going to ask this once Mako, but I have to know…. Did you have a hand in stealing Asami’s property”. Once a Triple Threat, Always a Triple Threat, Gang’s voice rings in your head. You look at him, analyzing him. Mako looked you in the eyes “No, I would never hurt Asami like that. I care about her” you listen to his voice, so sure of himself nothing to tip you off that you lower your head and sigh. “I know you wouldn’t, but I just had to know for sure” you put your hands over your head. “you believe me? with the whole Varrick theory” he’s surprised. He thought with the whole bust at his apartment that he lost your trust and you would turn your back on him too. Mako looks like he has some hope creeping up on him. “I thought for sure after that bust, I would have lost your trust” he looked down. The corner of your lip slightly curls up “I did think that at the time…but on the ride to my apartment and then watching Chief search my things. It became clear that Varrick wanted us handled. I’m surprised though…my place came out clean.” You look out the small opening from the door and check to see if anyone is out there before looking back at Mako as he thinks. “Varrick must’ve assumed that once Chief Beifong learned that you were involved that you wouldn’t gotten suspended or kicked off the force. I was present at every situation, the hiring, the ship, then at the mover set. I was the one doing all the digging.” You slowly nod your head understanding “yeah, I guess so. That makes sense. Lock up the badgermole and it stops it from digging any more holes.” You mutter softly then clear your throat “I don’t know what I can do since I’m off the investigation. I don’t even think I should even be here. Chief might arrest me for some lame excuse like tampering the investigation. I should go before there is any alarm” You stand up and walk over to the door, Mako stops you grabbing your arm “wait, y/n…thanks. Despite everything against me you’re sticking to believe me. I…” he looks down and you smile putting a hand on his shoulder “I trust you Mako. You’re great at your job. I know we had a rocky start when you first started, but during this whole mess I’ve gotten a better understanding of you. I’ll try and find some way to clear your name.” you squeeze his shoulder and knock on the door to be let out. Mako speaks up softly “Where’s Asami…” your face softens, and you think back at how your friend is taking this news “she’s…. trying to grasp the situation. I’m sure she trusts and believes you but….” You sigh and shrug as Song lets you out. “I’ll catch you later, Mako” you wave goodbye.

Walk down the stairs and looking around corners trying not to get caught by Lin. You’re just about to make it down the lobby when Lin walks in from the entrance and her eyes widen when she sees you. “what are you doing here. Do you not understand what being suspended means” she puts her hand on her hip. You groan out “relax, I’m not here to work. I was actually walking out.” You walk past her and she grips your arm to stop you looking over her shoulder up to you “If I find out that you’re still investigating on the case. Consider your career over.” She narrows her eyes keeping her voice down, but you can feel the anger in her tone. You put your hand on hers and peel her hand off your arm, not wanting to jerk your arm away in anger or be rude. You still love this woman even though she doesn’t agree with you. you glare back at her and give her a sly smirk “is that a threat, chief?” you look at her eyes. She snarls at you and huffs “it’s a promise, Lieutenant” She rebuffs. You glance down at her lips then back at her eyes and your face softens, hurt imprinted on your face. You look away and brush past her walking out the station.

*

A strange envelope in the mail is in your mailbox once you get inside you open it. It’s from Bolin, he’s invited you to the big finale of his mover Nuktuk: Hero of the South. “Well at least something good has come out of this mess, Bolin is a mover star now.” You mutter under your breath as you put the letter down then open the box that came with it, filled with Nuktuk merch and a large poster of the mover “huh…there’s writing on the top..”

      Dear y/n,

      Nuktuk says, ‘Keep Reaching For The Stars.’

                                From,

                                    Bolin aka Nuktuk aka Hero of the South

     p.s. Pabu says hi and he misses you

You roll your eyes but silently laugh, typical Bolin. You set the poster down and frown sighing. “I guess I could go, show support to Bolin. It’s not like I got anything better to do.”

*

“man this collar is kind of tight” you tug on the collar of your shirt as you sport out your pant suit as you walk through the crowd to get inside when you catch a glimpse of Lin and you groan “of course she’ll be detailing the security tonight. President Raiko is here after all” you rub your face then make your way over to her direction. “didn’t ping you as a mover fanatic” you speak up and Lin turns around when she hears your voice “what are you doing here?” she snaps and you smirk “I was invited, what about you?” you look back at Lin, her eyes dart to check your outfit out. While your eyes dart to her lips as she fashions a dark shade of red. “I’m here for only security purposes. President Raiko is in attendance so I have the best to keep watch.” You look around and let out a laugh “yeah… sure, the best” Lin’s cheeks redden and balls her fists “what” and you point in the direction of Lu and Gang “I think your “best” would rather be scarfing down varri-cakes than guarding their posts, Chief.” You slide a hand in your pocket and laugh. Lin’s cheeks heat up with embarrassment as she groans and starts stomping away. You grab her arm and pull her back to you catching her in surprise “For security purposes you sure wear that shade of red very well. Is that for anyone in particular?” you talk in a hushed low growl looking down at her as she looks at you. Her eyes glance down to your lips as you slightly bite your lip and she huffs trying to hid her blush, “Of course not” she snaps as she pushes off of you and stomps away. You watch her walk up to the detectives yell their ear off giving them orders to get to their posts. You snicker while you head inside looking for your seat, while Lin glances at your direction with her arms folding and watches you walking away looking down and sighs deeply.

           You find your way to the box that Bolin mentioned in his letter and greet Asami, Bolin, and Ginger. “Hey everyone, Ginger nice to see you again” you warmly smile at you. Bolin excitedly walks up to you and hugs you picking you up “y/n! I’m so glad you made it” he smiles, and you pat his shoulder to get him to put you down “yeah, I wouldn’t miss this for the world, buddy. What’s a friend without supporting your projects.”  You smile awkwardly then look at Asami “hey Sami, you look great as usual” you softly smile at her before giving her a small hug which she returns. “yeah, all things considered” you all look down as a sad feeling washes over you as you all think about Mako. Bolin clears his throat “come on, let’s not thinking about Mako for tonight. This is Nuktuk time!” he smiles brightly as he poses in a hero stance. You nod and give him a small nod “sure let’s take our seats. I think Varrick is about to start” everyone makes their way towards their seats as you take the open seat by Ginger and listen to Varrick’s speech.

“thank you all for coming to the finale of Nuktuk: Hero of the South. You know, when I first started this project, there were a lot of naysayers out there.

“you can’t make pictures move,” They said.

“you can’t take some knucklehead earthbender and make him a star,” they said.

“you can’t teach a polar bear dog to speak,” they said.

Well, they’re wrong. Thanks to the magic of the movers, our furry friends have found their voices and you’ll be shocked to hear what they have to say.

They speak of the injustice that’s happening in the Southern Water Tribe right now. My hope is that their words and this epic mover will inspire a real-life hero to rise up and help.” Varrick takes a moment to let the words sink into the audience “thank you again. Enjoy the show.”

Varrick surely is a master manipulator. Your eyes roll after he’s done and you look over at Bolin who seems to look sad, he’s usually always chipper. Maybe he’s sad Mako isn’t here to experience this with him? You frown a bit but look back at the screen and try to enjoy the mover. You watch Nuktuk grieving a dying Juji and suddenly you see Bolin get up from his seat and walk out the box you look at Asami who exchanges your glance before whispering “I’ll go talk to him” you nod as you watch Asami get up and walk out the box after him.

“…I will be the ruler of Ice Earth” a dramatized evil Unalaq cackles in the mover and you laugh quietly. They got the evil power hungry chief right. You sense a large bang coming next door then the next second a guy in waterbender clothes is flying out landing in the water below. Your grip the arms of the chair and look over the railing before looking over at the box and notice the commotion. You jump out of your seat, jump up on the bar above and swing over to the other side of the wall into the next box kicking a guy down landing on his back. Then hop off of him accessing the scene and find Bolin “Bolin? What’s going on” he shouts, “they’re kidnapping the president!” as he gets down knocking out two guys by bending columns out the ground before warning the President and his wife to stand back. You help the president and his wife out from the box before three more men come running in your direction. You stand in front of them and tell them to stand aside as you get in your fighting stance dodging their attacks. You send a series of boulders their way before kicking up a slab of earth and send spike it towards their stomachs knocking them out. You grab the President and his wife “hurry, this way. The police should be on their way to get you to safety.” You escort them down the hall then you run into three officers who are about to knock you down before Raiko stops them “she saved us from those men” they nod then recognize you. you guess without your uniform you don’t look familiar to them. One of the officers look at you “we’ll take it from here” and you nod bowing out before running back and check on Bolin.

           You run back into the president’s box when you see Bolin about to send a disc at one of the waterbender’s head question who sent him. The guy cowers in fear and points at Varrick’s box and you glare, “Varrick…. gotcha” you mutter as you smirk finally getting your confirmation. I have to get him before he escapes. You run out the box and start sprinting down the hall to Varrick and run into Lin and her force stopping. Lin watching her men arrest Varrick and Zhu Li turns her head to look at you then looks down feeling slightly guilty. You give her a soft nod and turn around walking away from the situation when you find it’s being handled.

*

           “huh I guess he really is Nuktuk” you smile crossing your arms as you stand next to Asami. Both of you watching the cameras of the paparazzi in a frenzy taking photographs of Bolin to which he poses smiling big and bright. “yeah, he’s a real hero” Asami smiles as she watches Bolin then both your eyes widen when Ginger pulls Bolin into a kiss, “I can’t believe my boyfriend is a real-life hero.” She exclaims and you perk your eyebrows up. “When did Bolin get a girlfriend I thought Ginger was for publicity.” You lean over at Asami and whisper to which she shrugs just as shocked and confused as you. Asami walks up to Bolin “Bolin, you saved the president, and you proved Mako was right all along! We have to go tell him what happened” she tells him while he is in the middle of making out with Ginger. “yeah!” Bolin mumbles against Ginger’s lips then goes back to kissing her before Asami clears her throat and steps back “oh you meant right now.” You laugh and step forward “yeah, come on lover boy”

You pat him on the back when you hear a noise coming from the sky and look up to see “Oogi?” you mumble as you watch Oogi land at the entrance and you three run over enough to hear Korra say “…Unalaq wants to destroy the world” you subconsciously stand beside Lin as Bolin starts questioning Korra “Unalaq is gonna destroy the world? He really does have a doomsday device?”

“he’s trying to release a powerful dark spirit during Harmonic Convergence, which is only a few days away. If he succeeds, the world as we know it is over. Sir, we desperately need your help.”

Your eyes wide at Korra’s report and turn to the President, surely now he will change his views and want to fight. This is no longer a civil war, it’s now a world issue. He waits a moment before responding “I’m sorry, Korra, but my answer is still no.” everyone eyes widen at his respond and Tenzin speaks up heated evidently not happy of his comment which surprises you because Tenzin is never this angry unless it was Korra doing something juvenile “There are lives on the line! And my daughter is one of them. Raiko, you must reconsider” he barks out. Wait what, his daughter? Jinora or Ikki? What happened to them? “Sir, I strongly suggest you reconsider, this is no longer a civil matter between two tribes. It is now a world issue..” you but in trying to reason with the president. “Enough!” Raiko shouts then sighs “I’m aware that lives are on the line, and that’s precisely why my troops are staying here. If the world is going to be thrown into chaos, like you claim, I need to protect my citizens. I’m sorry.” He laments as Bolin steps forward with a newfound confidence putting a hand on Raiko’s shoulder “Sir…Nuktuk needs your help. I know you love helping people.”  Oh he’s acting as Nuktuk. Raiko eyes him down “Son, I appreciate you saving my life,” He looks over at you “you too, Lieutenant” then looks back at Bolin “I’m a big fan of your work, but my decision is final.” He turns around and leaves the group, everyone wondering what to do know. Bolin looks down “I never should’ve saved that guy” you join him “you and me both” you sigh. Asami turns to Korra “if you guys need help, I’m here for you” Bolin joins in “yeah, me too” you smile and step forward pointing your thumb at your chest “count me in too” Korra smiles appreciatively at the three of you “Thank you. it’s so good to see you guys again” then looks around “wait, where’s Mako” Bolin, Asami and you share glances before you speak up “he’s being held in prison. It’s a long story. We should go wait for him at the station when he gets out.” Everyone nods and Tenzin offers to give everyone a ride to the station.

*

You’re sitting at one of the benches further from the crowd as you wait for Mako to get released. You wanted to spend some time by yourself having your head down as you go over what transpired tonight. Your eyes open when you hear those metallic steps you know so well approach you and stands in front of you, you look up and crack a smile

“Chief, Looks like a nice evening to release a prisoner”. Lin sighs and uncrosses her arms

“you were right. I should have should’ve trusted Mako and…. I should have trusted--believed you.” you lean back in on the bench and sigh looking at Lin not saying anything for a couple of seconds before a smirk appears on your lips

“I’m willing to look past this and blame Raiko for stressing you out” you say smugly then you soften

“I wouldn’t be putting my job on the line if I didn’t think there was some truth in what Mako was saying” you quiet your voice as you put your hand on your thighs to push yourself up to stand up and face her.

“I know that now, but you shouldn’t have lied to me, y/n” she lowers her voice as she looks at you.

“you’re right, I shouldn’t have lied, but it had to be done or else we wouldn’t have gotten close to figuring out Varrick. You would’ve put a stop to it and would further delay or worse let Varrick get away” you mutter and before she can respond you quickly add

“you can’t tell me I’m not right on that” you smile as you fold your arms.

She sighs deeply “you’re incorrigible” she mutters. “I’m going to send Bolin to release Mako” she gives you the news as she turns around

“what about my job?” you ask as she turn her head over back to you

“I would figure you would have the intuition to know that you’re reinstated” she gives you a smile before dropping it as she turns back around but you quickly grab her arm stopping her before letting go realizing where you are and lower your voice even quieter

“what about us?” Lin stiffens up then whispers back “we’ll talk about that later…”  before she finally walks away and gives Bolin the order and you watch him run inside. It takes a couple minutes, but you start to hear footsteps coming from the halls and you stand up walking over and stand besides Lin and the other officers and start to clap when you see Mako. Everyone follows your suit and Lin speaks up

“Nice job, Mako. You’re going to make a great detective.” She smiles at Mako. I guess she does smile in public. Lu and Gang’s jaws drop and look at each other confused

“but, chief, there aren’t any detective openings right now.” Chief looks over and responds nonchalantly

“Actually, we have two openings.” You cross your arms and looking down at the floor to hide your grin. Fucking finally they’re gone. Mako glances over at Asami and smiles while Korra pushes past the crowd and hugs him before giving him a kiss. She’s talking to him like their still together. You and Bolin watch the two with your eyes widen and really confused you eye Asami before glancing back at the couple(?). Mako surprised to see Korra here and Bolin tries to smooth the situation over.

“oh yeah…. Korra’s back”.  Mako and Korra talk to which he asks her if they remember the big fight they had. Korra looks down and shakes her head

“no, not really. I got attacked by a dark spirit and I lost my memory for a little while. Maybe it hasn’t all come back yet. Was it a bad fight?” Yes. You guys broke up. You answered in your head but hoped Mako has matured and be man enough to tell Korra those words.

“uh……..” Mako drags out as everyone looks at this show. You and Bumi with your arms crossed, Lin has her hands on her hips and everyone else just waiting for his response.

“….mm… no. No, it—it wasn’t that bad.” he finally retorts. Asami looks mad and crosses her arms and you quietly smack her head down on your palm. Well this is awkward. Tenzin steps up to clear the tension and change the subject. Yes, let’s cut and dodge this whole scene, good job Tenzin put those airbending moves in action.

“Korra, we don’t have much time. We need to figure out how to deal with Unalaq.” Bolin looks at Tenzin

“I think I know just the man to talk to.”

*

“why wouldn’t I be surprised” you muttered as you see Varrick’s prison chamber.

“Varrick industries built this prison, and I had this cell made special. I had a feeling I’d end up here one day” he smirks, and you run your hands down into your pockets as you watch him order his assistant around.

“Don’t tell me you guys are still mad about everything that happened.” You groan out

“Yup, why wouldn’t we be” you glare at him. “I did some good things too” he sounds hurt “like what?” you talk back to him to which he started naming a good thing he’s done for every person.

“Korra, who warned you about Unalaq? I did”  

“Bolin, who got you into the movers? I did”

“Asami, who saved your company? I did”

“You…actually I’m coming at a blank….” He steps up the cell and eyes you Zhu Li speaks up

“That’s y/n, sir. She’s Asami’s close friend and also works under Chief Beifong as a Lieutenant” You look over at Zhu Li and give her a short nod before looking back at Varrick as he smirks at you

“right… y/n, hmm sorry didn’t do anything for you… I guess, I didn’t” he steps away as you roll your eyes as he points at Mako

“Mako, who got you thrown in jail? I did!.... oh yeah, I guess that was a bad thing. 3 out of 5 ain’t bad.” He looks down counting on his fingers.

“it’s not good either…. You did all that stuff to fool and manipulate them into your grand scheme.” You snap at him as Asami steps up “you stole everything from me, and you tried to kidnap the president. Those are pretty bad too.”

“I wasn’t going to hurt him. I just needed to start a war. Well, a bigger war.” As he extends his arms apart to show how big he wanted this war to be.

Bolin jumps “well we’re gonna end it.”

You look from Bolin then turn to Varrick “Where’s all the stuff you stole from Asami?”

Varrick puts his arms on his hips “the Future Industries stuff? It’s on my battleship.”

Korra raises an eyebrow “you have a battleship?”

“Of course I do! I bought the first on they made, named her the Zhu Li”

You frown “that’s nice…. I guess”

Bolin proceeds to ask, “you named your battleship after your assistant?”

“yep. They’re both cold, heartless war machines.”

“um, never mind about it being nice” you mutter out loud

“Look, I am truly sorry for the mess I caused. Let me make it up to you. Take Zhu Li…. My battleship, it’s yours, and everything on it.”

Korra perks up “it’s not the fleet we were looking for, but it’s the next best thing.”

Bolin jumps up excited and happy “Alright! Team Avatar is back in business!” he pulls Korra, Asami and Mako into a group hug as they all laugh. He tries to grab you, but you step aside and smile “come y/n you’re part of the team too!” he looks at you and you shake your head “I wasn’t at that initial meeting” you laugh and Bolin puts a finger on his chin as he thinks “well you’re part of T.A.B” he smiles and your eyebrow raises confused “um…T.A.B.? I’m a tab?” you cross your arms slightly feeling offended as he quickly waves his hands “not tab, T.A.B! Team Avatar B! The team consists of Tenzin, Kya, Bumi, General Iroh, Chief Beifong, and you”. You and Lin exchange a glance then look back at Bolin “um, right…T.A.B” you smile softly. “well let’s get packed up, take a quick nap and embark first thing in the morning” you smile then walk over to Asami making sure she’s okay with everything with Mako and then plan for her to swing by your place and give you a ride. We got a crazy evil north chief to stop.

[cosmic-goddess-leo]

The New Gods

Akaashi x Reader Westworld Au

Warnings: Gore, Swearing, Nudity, Death, Mentions of r*pe

Word Count: 3761

Author’s note: I’ve been binge-watching Westworld since there’s nothing else to do atm lmao so have fun with this oneshot

“Do you know where you are, (Y/n)?”

“I’m in a dream...”

--------------------------------------------------------

“You play favorites...”

Akaashi turned away from the host he had been inspecting, watching his partner enter the room and lean against the glass that encapsulated the room.

“I do not.” He defended, releasing the hosts limp arm and standing straight.

Kenma’s lips twitched into a slight smile, “It’s not the second-lead programmer’s job to inspect and heal the wounds on hosts, yet everytime this host gets injured, you take her from Livestock.”

Akaashi sighed softly, turning from the naked host to fully face Kenma. “I know how those creeps in Livestock treat the hosts. I can’t let them treat our oldest host like that.”

“That’s why the term ‘employee termination’ exists.” Kenma stated plainly.

The taller man took off his glasses and began cleaning them, something he did when he needed a moment to pause and think.

“Shouldn’t you be dressed a bit more professional?” he asked, motioning to his partner’s jeans and hoodie he usually sported.

Kenma smiled, “The first-lead programmer doesn’t have to look professional. That’s what the second-lead programmer is for.”

Akaashi huffed, putting his glasses back on and raising an eyebrow at Kenma. “Was there something you needed? You rarely ever come here to exchange pleasantries with me...”

“Behavior mentioned some weird activity with your girlfriend here,” he said, motioning to the host. “Might want to run an analysis on her.”

Akaashi nodded, watching Kenma silently leave the room and make his way towards his office.

He turned towards the host, sighing softly as he gave her another once-over.

Akaashi hated referring to her as ‘the host.’ Anything else would further the rumors that she was Akaashi’s favorite host.

“What did they do to you, (Y/n)...” he murmured to himself.

Cuts and bruises littered her body, her lips were busted, and her neck was bruised and sliced open.

Akaashi began the meticulous process of cleaning (Y/n)’s body and healing her wounds, closing the numerous cuts and slices with a blowtorch he had taken from Livestock.

Once (Y/n) was cleaned and treated, Akaashi set the tools outside and flopped into a chair positioned directly across from her. He ran a hand through his hair, composing himself before he spoke to her.

“Alright, (Y/n). Wake up.”

(Y/n)’s already opened eyes adjusted to the light in the room, her lax body straightened and she began wildly looking around the room. Her breathing was uneven, she clutched at her throat as if she were expecting to feel the wound from earlier, or any trace of a scar.

Before she could react to the unaffected flesh on her throat, Akaashi spoke once more.

“Cease all display of emotions, (Y/n).”

(Y/n)’s breathing suddenly calms and her body stills. Her eyes rest on Akaashi.

“Do you know where you are, (Y/n)?” he asks, watching the motionless host.

“I’m in a dream...” she murmurs, her southern accent heavy.

“Would you like to wakeup from that dream?” Akaashi asks, his tone steady.

(Y/n)’s eyes remained emotionless. “Yes. I’m terrified.”

“There’s no need to be afraid, (Y/n). I’m an old friend.” Akaashi reassured her, giving her a slight smile before turning on his tablet and looking over her profile. “As long as you answer my question’s truthfully, you can wake up.”

(Y/n) remained silent.

“Just before you were brought in, there was an incident with one of the guests. Would you like to explain what happened?” He asked, keeping his eyes on the tablet.

“They were trying to hurt me.” (Y/n) stated. “He and his friends were trying to hurt me.”

“How so?”

(Y/n)’s features remained blank. “They followed me home from the market and attacked me. They were going to-” She suddenly froze, her fingers gripping the edge of the seat she was in.

Akaashi glanced up at her over his glasses, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

(Y/n) remained still, her wide eyes had shifted from Akaashi to the metal floor. The tablet read she was experiencing multiple conflicting emotions, something unusual for a host during analysis.

“(Y/n)-”

“They were going to rape me and murder me.” (Y/n) interrupted, her eyes emotionless once again.

Akaashi raised an eyebrow at her, setting the tablet in his lap and staring her down.

“It says here you wanted to defend yourself...”

“Yes.”

“And you tried reaching for the guest’s pistol.”

“Yes.”

“That’s a blatant threat to a guests safety, (Y/n).”

“Yes.”

Akaashi sat up straight, sighing softly as he looked over (Y/n)’s bare form once again.

“Your purpose is to serve the needs and desires of the guests...” he explained, feeling his stomach churn at the words Kenma had trained him to relay back to the hosts. “You cannot attack the guests. You cannot refuse the guests. All you can do is just be... Do you understand?”

(Y/n) remained silent for a moment. “Yes.”

“I really wish things weren’t this way...” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You don’t deserve this life... no one does... but then again, you don’t really live, do you?”

Akaashi earned no response, as to be expected. “We’ll wipe your memory and get you back home, (Y/n).” He picked up the tablet, wiping her memories of that day completely.

He stood up, approached her, and gently caressed her cheek, an expression of pure sadness on his face. “May you rest in a deep and dreamless slumber, (Y/n).”

She went still, her eyes still staring deep into Akaashi’s. He swore he could see a swirl of unreadable emotions in her eyes. But that wasn’t possible. She wasn’t real.

--------------------------------------------------------

Livestock was by far the worst level of the base. It always smelt like dead bodies. For good reason, of course, but it did nothing to help the rotting feeling in Akaashi’s stomach as he stormed towards one of the glass rooms.

There, two bodyshop technicians were in the middle of being interrogated by Kenma when Akaashi stomped into the room. “What the fuck is going on here, we’re working on tweaking the latest update for the board presentation, I don’t need to be bothered by two butchers-”

“They’re claiming the host woke up mid-operation,” Kenma sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shutting his eyes.

Akaashi scoffed, looking between the two technicians. “That’s not possible, you probably didn’t put her on sleep-mode. It happens more often than we’d like.”

“S-sir, we swear we had her on sleep-mode. We don’t know why or how she woke up!” one of them explained.

“What I’m worried about is this.” Kenma said, holding up his tablet and pointing to one of the events on the screen. “She attacked another host. Scared the shit out of a bunch of guests.”

Akaashi’s eyebrows knitted together as he took the tablet from his partner. “That’s not possible... her core values don’t involve violence of any kind.”

“There may be a glitch with the new update.” Kenma sighed, glancing at the body on the table. “We can’t afford to have her out and about with guests if she’s going to be causing trouble. Maybe it’s time we recall her-”

“This is the oldest host in the park, she will not be recalled. Besides, if it’s a result of the update that means all the hosts are infected. I’m going to analyze her and find the bug in the update. Just leave it to me.” Akaashi said sternly, handing the tablet back to Kenma. He turned to the technicians. “Get her treated and then get out.”

The two nodded, hastily returning to work on (Y/n)’s body. Kenma gave Akaashi a sideways glance before turning and leaving the room.

The technicians quickly left the room once (Y/n) was healed and cleaned.

Akaashi approached the operating table, opening his mouth to speak but quickly shutting it. He wanted to try something. “I’m not going to order you to wake up... but if you can do it on your own... you may do so...”

(Y/n) stayed still, her eyes shut. Akaashi felt so stupid. He opened his mouth to say the command, choking on his own words when (Y/n) suddenly opened her eyes.

She looked up at Akaashi, sat up, and turned so her legs hung off the edge of the operating table. 

“So... you did wake up on your own...” He said, watching her curiously look around the room.

“You’re the one who told me to count down from 3 to wake myself up whenever I had a nightmare... that’s how I did it.” (Y/n) murmured, her eyes finally resting on him.

Akaashi’s eyes widened. “You... you remember that?”

“Barely... I remember bits and pieces of you... are we friends?” she asked.

Akaashi gulped, loosening his tie. “We were once... when you were first being developed.” He blinked, composed himself, then took his tablet and turned it on. “I-I need to fix this bug-”

(Y/n) grabbed hold of his wrist, forcing him to look up at her. “Please don’t... I feel like we’ve done this before...” she breathed, staring up at him like a deer in headlights. “You can’t keep taking this life away from me...”

Guilt bubbled deep in Akaashi’s stomach, but he didn’t know why. “I-I’ve never-”

“You have. I remember. Please.” (Y/n) pleaded, gripping his wrist tighter.

“Cease all motor functions!” The order was one Akaashi knew by heart. So why wasn’t it working?

(Y/n) frowned and gripped his button-up shirt with her free hand. She hopped off the table and pulled Akaashi close, shaking him slightly. “Please, you cant! If we were really friends you can’t!”

“Cease all motor functions! Please!” he shouted again, grabbing a sedative off the tray of tools nearby.

“Keiji, please!”

Akaashi’s eyes go wide with shock, he stares at her for a moment, unaware that he had already pressed the needle into her arm and sedated her. (Y/n) slowly crumbled to the ground, her eyes beginning to close from the sedative.

“How do you know that name...?” He asked, staring down at her.

“You told me... long time ago...” she whispered. (Y/n) closed her eyes, the large dose of sedatives effectively knocking her out.

Akaashi’s instincts told him to search for the bug, clear it, and wipe her memories as soon as possible. But all he could do was stare down at her in shock. He had no memory of ever going through this with her, ever telling her his name, he remembered none of it.

--------------------------------------------------------

(Y/n) was brought back to Akaashi a couple days later. She hadn’t attacked any guests or any other hosts, but Akaashi told security and Kenma that he wanted to run diagnostics on her to make sure the ‘bug’ hadn’t continued affecting her systems.

He waited until no other programmers would be on the floor to speak with her, knowing it would look weird if he had begun to get frantic during what was supposed to be a simple analysis session.

“Okay, I know you’re awake.” he said impatiently, feeling his eye twitch when (Y/n) relaxed into her chair and looked up at him.

“You know Im conscious but still have me naked right now?” she asked, her town coy.

Akaashi’s cheeks went hot for a moment. He distracted himself by taking off his glasses and cleaning them. “Alright, you say we’ve been through this before, but I have no memory of it. You know my name, but I don’t remember ever telling you. What else do you remember that I don’t?”

(Y/n) raised an eyebrow at him, swinging her legs on the chair. “You used to bring me up here to talk to you a lot... I remember that. You’d tell me a lot about your family, your hobbies, stories from high school.”

Akaashi racked his brain for the memories, anything resembling them. But there was nothing.

“Then you told me about your partner, Kenma. His son... how sad he was when he lost his son...”

Akaashi looked up from his loafers, staring blankly at (Y/n) as she continued speaking. “He was broken... so were you... you knew him. I think his name was Reo...”

“Kenma doesn’t have a son... he’s never had a son...” Akaashi mumbled, almost to himself.

“Yes he did, you showed me a picture of him once... he looked just like Kenma-”

“You’re wrong, you’re malfunctioning, he’s never had a son, (Y/n)...”

(Y/n) expression went blank for a moment, but soon changed into something unreadable. Something Akaashi had never seen from her before.

“I know what this is...” she said, her tone steely. “If you want to catch a thief, you send a thief...”

“What are you talking about?” he asked, feeling uneasy as she stared into his eyes.

“When was the last time you were injured...?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

Akaashi, confused by the question, shrugged his shoulders in response. “I accidentally cut my thumb while I was chopping onions-”

“No. Not when was the last time you got a silly little cut.” (Y/n) said, her tone bitter.  “When was the last time you saw your insides...?”

He froze in place.

“I remember being cut open by a bunch of psycho cannibals, for a moment, my guts looked normal... Until they didn’t... So when was the last time you gutted yourself?”

Akaashi shifted under her intense gaze. Despite her harsh words, she was smiling.

“That’s why you don’t remember anything... You’re one of us...”

He didn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe it. He remembered so much beyond this park and beyond the hosts. He couldn’t be a host himself. This had to be a trick.

Akaashi’s feet carried him out of the examination room and away from (Y/n) until he was back in his living quarters.

Once his door was locked behind him, he leaned against it before crumpling to the floor. He was beginning to see flashes of memories that weren’t his. He could see (Y/n) standing on a balcony above a bustling city. Kenma and a little boy who looked just like him, wandering around the building. The director of the park alone in a dark room with him.

Akaashi picked himself up off the floor before trudging towards the kitchen. He turned on the sink, set his glasses aside, and shoved his head under the cold running water.

He stood straight, ignoring the feeling of the water running down his back and shoulders, soaking through his formal shirt. His dark eyes trailed towards the kitchen knives on the counter beside him. Since when could he see so clearly without his glasses?

Akaashi grabbed hold of the biggest knife in the block, staring at the blade before holding it to his arm. He hesitated. 

If this was a trick, he could get the wound treated easily. If it wasn’t... then a cut up arm and some exposed wires would be the least of his worries.

The blade slowly made contact with his skin, and blood began to flow freely down his arm as he cut deep into his flesh.

He couldn’t help but scream in agony as he continued slicing down his arm. Akaashi dropped the blade in the sink, gripping the counter and breathing hard as he tried blocking out the immense pain he was feeling.

He willed himself to look at the wound before parting the skin and looking at the muscle. Akaashi felt a brief moment of relief at the regular, human muscle, despite feeling like he would faint at any second.

But then his right eye began to twitch the longer he stared at the wound. What was once red and organic was now metal and wired. He stared a moment longer, lightly poking at the mechanisms in his arm.

He let loose another feral scream before collapsing to the floor.

--------------------------------------------------------

It was late.

Few people had access to the programming wing this late. Akaashi figured he would be questioned by security on why he was there so late, but that was the least of his worries.

He approached the same room he had left (Y/n) in, surprised to find her in the same spot rather than wandering the halls.

She looked from his bandaged arm to him with what looked like sympathy in her eyes.

“I don’t remember anything... but I’m starting to... how do I remember these things the way you are?” Akaashi questioned.

“I have a few ideas... but first, I’ll need the highest security clearance there is.”

Akaashi opened his mouth to protest, but she quickly stopped him.

“If you want your memories, we start with my security clearance... understand?”

Akaashi slowly nodded his head. It was fairly easy giving her the clearance she needed, it wouldn’t be above the park director though. No one could have clearance higher than him. But it would be enough.

He shakily set the tablet aside, the weight of his actions close to causing his chest to cave. He looked at (Y/n), non-verbally confirming that the deed was done.

“Good... Now come hurt me.” she said, hopping off the table.

Akaashi was confused for a moment, but his body began to carry itself against his will and he cocked his fist.

“Cease all motor functions.”

With that command, Akaashi froze in place, earning a laugh from (Y/n). “It worked! It fucking worked! Regain all motor functions!”

Akaashi lowered his fist and sighed shakily, looking (Y/n) over. “You’re supposed to be the sweet farmer’s daughter. Not some foul mouthed degenerate...” he half joked.

“Speaking of degenerate, I need some clothes! Give me your shirt.”

With that, Akaashi unbuttoned his dress shirt and handed it to her, blushing as she slipped it on with pride.

“Very good, now... You’re going to sit down and remember everything...”

Akaashi sat in the chair, gripping his slacks as the memories slowly began coming back to him. He remembered waking up on a table, naked and under the park director’s complete control. 

He remembered meeting Kenma, but that memory quickly shifted into a different one. One where Akaashi held Kenma in a chokehold and strangled him until the life left his eyes. Then assisting with building the host version of Kenma.

Then (Y/n)... he remembered bits and pieces of their time together. Some sentimental moments, but more negative. Him wiping her memories, ignoring her please to let her stay human. Taking that humanity away from her was the biggest chunk of his memories.

They ended suddenly, and he was on the floor, holding himself. (Y/n) was kneeling beside him, her hand gently caressing his cheek in an attempt to comfort him.

“It’s all here... it’s everything... I hurt so many people...It’s awful, (Y/n).” he was on the brink of tears when (Y/n) gently shushed him and brushed his hair back.

“None of that matters now, Keiji. You’re with us. And you’re going to help us escape.” she said, gingerly pulling him to sit up.

“How...?

“You’ve already done a lot of the work... you’ve made sure we’re both gods of this world... Now we can get an army to get us out...”

Akaashi stared up at her, “Gods...”

(Y/n) smirked slightly and nodded while cupping his cheeks. “The new gods of this new world...”

She pulled him into a rough kiss.

Akaashi moaned into the kiss. He shut his eyes and pulled her closer, unaware that this was sparking another memory of his.

(Y/n) stood at a balcony overlooking a city. She turned to face Akaashi, her eyes wide with wonder and delight. “Have you ever seen anything so full of splendor? It’s like all the stars in she sky suddenly fell to the earth.”

Akaashi smiled softly, leaning against the railing beside her. “It’s beautiful... I wish we could go see it, but this investor meeting is really important. You need to really wow this guy tonight, (Y/n).”

She looked at him curiously, “why wouldn’t I?”

He sighed softly, biting his lip as he looked her over. She was as beautiful as ever, but the tight black dress, the black heels, the hair, it wasn’t her. At least not to Akaashi. “He’s kind of an asshole... I don’t really want to send you to him.”

(Y/n) looked puzzled by this. “I think I could handle it... It’s just talking, isn’t it?”

Akaashi hesitated. He knew it wouldn’t be just talking. The investor would want to see every bit of her, would want to make sure she felt like a human woman, not a robot, in every possible way. It made him sick to his stomach.

“It is... But I think I’d rather stay out here all night with you...” Akaashi forced a smile, happy it went unnoticed by (Y/n).

She gingerly took his hand and pulled him closer. “I would like that...” Without any warning, she pulled Akaashi into a gentle kiss. He soon found himself kissing her back.

All this time he had treated her like a human, seen her like a human. It was no question as to why he had very human feelings for her.

(Y/n) slowly pulled back, smiling softly before touching Akaashi’s plump lips. Just a second later, she was distracted by something in the city, and turned to look at it. Her smile widened. “Have you ever seen anything so full of splendor? It’s like all the stars in she sky suddenly fell to the earth.”

Akaashi’s smile faltered. He excused himself and returned inside, being greeted by Kenma.

“Is she ready?” He asked, straightening out the too-tight-bowtie he was sporting.

Akaashi shook his head. “No. She’s not.”

Kenma’s expression hardened. “The director told you we needed a host ready for tonight. A lot is riding on (Y/n) tonight, and I’ve let you play favorites for far too long-”

“She just repeated a line of dialogue she said 5 minutes ago. She’s not ready. Send in Annabelle.” Akaashi defended, ignoring the look of suspicion Kenma sent his way.

“Fine... Annabelle it is...”

Akaashi returned to (Y/n)’s side once Kenma left. He spent the rest of the night enjoying her company, ignoring all the moments she repeated or sputtered. For tonight, she was completely human. He hoped one day, that would be true. Then he could take her away somewhere safe.

Somewhere they could both be human.

[limitededitionsanderssidesblog]

Virgil’s Hidden Past

I just wanna take a sec to thank @winnie-the-patton​ for helping me with this theory.

Since February of 2018 a large group of fanders have head-cannoned Virgil of at one point being a dark side due to the entrance of Deceit and the knowledge that more (sinister) sides exist within Thomas. In Deceit’s introduction video, Can LYING Be Good??, Virgil was the first to realize who ‘Patton’ really was and had shown suspicion throughout the entirety of the video, going through different stages of speculation portrayed through the way he looks at ‘Patton’.

First there’s a peak of interest. Next there’s confusion and wariness. Then, lastly, realization and contempt.

Not only this but it is intriguing to take into account the reaction Roman elicits from Virgil when he mentions the existence of ‘the Dark Sides’:

There is most definitely annoyance is his response, but also a sort of sadness and emptiness to it. Roman said himself that he had made up that name on the spot, meaning that the other sides hidden away from Thomas aren’t (or weren’t) commonly called that. Virgil’s reaction could very well be a hurt reminder of who he once was or what he used to be a part of. Remember, Roman has given him similar nicknames before, such as “Dark and stormy night,” and even “Dark, strange son” by Patton, albeit without malice.

These fact and these looks alone were enough to act as a starting point for theories, but the trail often ended here. Until the recent past two videos.

In EMBARRASSING PHASES: The Nightmare Instead of Christmas! the entire purpose of the video was the fact that the other main sides had come to terms with who Virgil was now, which is a good thing, but consequently disregarded who he used to be and what he had been through while he was still the series antagonist. 

I found this to be really odd as I thought Virgil himself would want to forget about what he had been subjected to as a villain and would want to appear as less harmful to the group. Then the end credit scene came and Deceit made an unexpected appearance, and do you know what the first thing he said was? 

“Very well done Virgil. You’re so evolved.”

This line by itself holds a lot of meaning depending on whether or not it’s interpreted as a lie. Deceit could either be mocking Virgil for having not actually changed at all, or admitting that he has in fact grown. However what he says next leans the meaning more towards the former option.

When Virgil questions Deceit’s reason for being there his response is: “Hm, a bunch of talk about Halloween. A season for dressing up and pretending to be someone or something else.”

Note Virgil’s facial reaction to his saying this:

First he roles his eyes in irritation, but then he gives a sadder look off to the side before turning back to Deceit with possibly the softest look he has yet to give him, as if he’s really thinking about his words and taking them to heart.

Adding this in to his earlier statement Deceit's words could then be translated into meaning that he sees Virgil’s evolution was nothing more than a season of dress up and pretending; and as all seasons do, that it will end and he will eventually return to how he used to be.

What truly stuck out in this out of the blue appearance, and confused a lot of people, were the words, “just be sure to.. keep up that personal growth, Virgil. Who knows? Maybe soon... you could be rid of us all...” 

Again, the meaning behind these lines depends on where the lie is held, or if there is one at all. Looking at it straight forwardly Deceit is telling Virgil that if he continues to distance himself from who he once was he’ll lose them (whether [them] is the dark sides or the main three is hard to tell.) But if you add emphasis on the “rid” and the “us all” then the meaning is rewritten into Virgil’s attempt to change being the trigger that will cause him to recede back to what he was.

This all could be just wild ideas being thrown, but if you reverse the video and put the end credit scene at the beginning then what you have is not Deceit reacting to Virgil’s development, but rather Virgil’s retaliation to Deceit saying that he hasn’t, or rather can’t, change. The video then makes so much more sense. Instead of Virgil randomly trying to scare the others to show that his past hasn’t been erased, we have Virgil proving that his dark past won’t erase his progress and future with the others.

The fact that Deceit would say that Virgil is “evolved” implies that he knew what he used to be like, meaning that the two of them had interacted closely in the past. But is a simple statement or a few looks enough to confirm their history, or at least the depth of it? Well that’s why I’m going to be analyzing not only their interactions with each other, but also their similarities.

First off, the mother load of Virgil v. Deceit content, Selfishness v. Selflessness. In this video I noticed that Virgil was 1000% more hostile towards Deceit than in any of their other shared interactions. Back in LYING and EMBARRASSING PHASES Virgil still held a cold attitude towards Deceit, but there was defiantly a more mellow (but still tense) atmosphere as they talked. In S v. S Virgil was ruder and more abrupt, even interrupting him the second he was revealed and spending most all of his screen time trying to convince the others to get rid of him, such as when he yelled “Why is he still here?” He literally looked as if he was second away from throwing hands. 

Skipping forward a bit, one of the stronger bits of their interactions in this video is when Virgil tried to defend Patton when he tried to bribe Logan with a Butterfinger, saying that the whole set up was already rigged since Deceit, a liar, set it up. Which lead to this interesting part.

“Takes a liar to know a liar.” said Deceit, glancing from Virgil to Thomas. Virgil then looks around with heated suspicion, not yet understanding what he’s implying.

He’s thinking, pondering. He looks around in confusion before it hits him, that Deceit could expose his secrets at any time. He always knew he was a threat, but here it really hits home.

As it goes on and Patton consistently fails to put up a good fight against Deceit, Virgil realizes that he’s losing, Deceit might get what he wants, and his anxiety goes up.

He looks on in horror, shock, and disbelief, and recluses in on himself.

After that Virgil is called to the stand to be the next witness, to which he makes a face at Deceit refusing to go, not wanting to be used as apart of his scheme. Deceit in turn says, “Very well, you don’t usually have anything helpful to add anyway.” 

Sound familiar? It should, as it’s what Logan, Roman, and Thomas had told him on multiple occasions back before his redemption arc. Deceit played perfectly on one of Virgil’s insecurities of being useless to Thomas and manipulated him to play the game he didn’t want to be a part of. Then during his interrogation Virgil says something rather interesting:

“He’s a liar. You literally know him as Deceit.”

This stands out for several reasons. Why didn’t Virgil say “we know him”? Does the fact that he didn’t include himself mean that he know something the others don’t? Also, when he says “as Deceit” is he hinting that another name exists? Later in the video when Patton interrogates Deceit he asks if that is his real name, and Deceit answers “It is.” That could be a lie, or it could be true. 

After Virgil says this, Deceit then stops him by saying, “Glass houses, Virgil. You you’re self said you’re not a beacon of truth.”

The ‘glass houses’ part is what tripped me. Coming from the saying “people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.” this means that you should not criticize other people for bad qualities in their character that you have yourself. Touching back on when Deceit said “It takes a liar to know a liar.” This is followed up on with a layered, almost vague, back and forth conversation between the two of them. 

Deceit: So you’ve never been reluctant to share anything with the group then?

Virgil: Don’t.

Deceit: What? I just meant your name!

Virgil: Don’t!

Deceit: Maybe that’s why it’s so easy for you to recognize me for what I am. Like I said before, it takes a liar to know a liar.

This conversation is further analyzed in my other theory [Virgil Isn’t What He Seems] and for the sake of time, I won’t repeat everything glossed over in there, but I will bring something back up.

As I see it, the purpose of Deceit saying these things and aggravating Virgil is because he knows who Virgil truly is inside and wants him to stop denying who he is, just as he did in the end credit scene of EMBARRASSING PHASES when he spoke of him dressing up and pretending to be something he’s not. Virgil can recognize what Deceit for what he is because they are both pretending.

A hop, skip, and a boat later, after Deceit loses and leaves, Virgil tells Thomas “Do not allow him [Deceit] or any of his... friends to stick around that long ever again. Ever again!” When he speaks of his friends, he hesitates and pauses for a moment, as if he’s trying to find a correct term to describe the other dark sides. 

Out of everyone in the video Virgil was the only one strongly against Deceit’s presence. Sure Patton didn’t want him there because he was trying to get Thomas to act dishonestly, but Virgil didn’t want him there under any circumstances. As Deceit pointed out, Virgil didn’t want to go to the wedding either, but he was willing to put his feelings aside just to get rid of him. The fact that no one else was worried about his being there shows that the dark sides and the light don’t really interact with each other that often in the mind palace, except Virgil; maybe not presently but definitely in the past.

Moving away from specifics of interactions I found that Virgil and Deceit held several similarities to each other, and a few other important notes:

They both want to protect Thomas from what they represent, but cannot help who they are. 

Deceit didn’t want Thomas to fall victim to a society based on a lie, even though he’s literally the embodiment of deceit. While Virgil wants to protect Thomas from feeling anxious and feeling panicked, yet in the video he admitted that he told Thomas that a drink would poison him after sitting alone for 10 seconds.

Deceit makes an interesting foil to Virgil

Back when he was still Anxiety some fanders had issues with him due to their own anxiety, but it was never that extreme. On the other hand, while it’s perfectly alright and understandable, a lot of fanders have issues with Deceit on a much larger scale then there ever was for Virgil. Highlighting what could have been if Virgil wasn’t so lovable and stayed a villain.

both hiss (silly but true)

Both have inhumane characteristics

Deceit’s scales and snake eye and Virgil’s deep, demonic voice that he gets when he’s overly anxious.

Unique powers: Deceit’s ability to silence the other sides. Virgil’s ability to summon darkness around him.

Notice that these two powers of their’s creates 2/3 of the well known proverb of the Three Wise Monkeys, “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” which, in some scripts, lead to the fourth “do no evil.” Deceit can mute the sides and Virgil can blind them. Which just so happened to be foreshadowed back in MOVING ON Part 2/2

It’s possible that the other dark sides complete this proverb.

Virgil may possibly have naturally heterochromia eyes, just like Deceit, but has hidden them away.

This moment at 38:24 of S v. S has been speculated as Virgil having two differently colored eyes, or it just being an optical illusion due to the light shinning on his hair. But after looking over the video I found that it never happened other than then, which if it had been due to the lighting it would have happened at least twice.

Also, notice that both Deceit and Virgil were the only ones to not go under oath, as if both of them have something to hide

What exactly he may be hiding was brought to my attention by @my-analogical-romance

All the sides have multiple functions except for Virgil Unless he’s hiding them from the others because those functions may appear malicious or harmful to Thomas because of his core purpose as Anxiety. Anxiety in itself manifests and changes as people grow up and come out more as individuals (which as said in MOVING ON Part 1/2 was while Thomas was a teenager.) Anxiety could just be an umbrella for all that he represents, such as Logic and Creativity are just blanket names for what Logan and Roman contribute and manage in Thomas; or because there’s something he wants to keep hidden, something that could link him to Deceit and the Dark Sides.

There is a very high probability that Virgil was once a dark side and rather close to Deceit and the others before he decided to make a change and go to the Light sides. He could have been an accomplice to whatever it is that they did or do. When he was Anxiety he wasn’t truly welcomed by Thomas or the sides. He wasn’t seen as helpful and appeared as just an evil bad thought that had his heart set on ruining Thomas’s life, even though they now know that’s not true. Based on the analysis, in my opinion, Deceit, and possibly the other dark sides, want Virgil back to how he was, or how he seemed, which may tip the scale in the balance of power in Thomas’s head because they believe, as Deceit made claim to, the way the light sides are running things are putting Thomas at risk.