#for now im just being an adult and falling in love with my bf more and more everyday hehe

[kyunsies]

hi all 👋 how are we doing today? 💖💗💘💓💕💞

[castlebyersafterdark]

ugh youre such a dream thank you for such detailed answers! its so appreciated and i feel as fresh as coming into the fandom all hopeful in summer 2022, up for discussing!

re this: '[wills'] sexuality is less explored in regard to the most baseline aspects of being gay. Is it infantilizing because he's our cute sweet little victim? Is it because he has yet to actually pursue his love interest in the narrative? I'm still working on pondering this myself!! Because it isn't at all how I viewed his situation or character.'

would LOVE to hear more thoughts on this, because i too have not figured it out. tbh, the whole party growing up was a hard pill to swallow at first cos its bittersweet, but it never made me deny will's character a coming of age arc or sexuality arc. i was like - welp, its happening, whether im sad or not that theyre no longer babies. infantilisation makes sense though - i even had non-fan friends who watch the show assume that will was a few grades below the other boys, and much younger.

perhaps for many, they can't accept his growing up because it's reflective of change in general, of the show coming to an end, changing? this is narrative the show itself explores, though - beautifully, i might add.

but i would love to know what your original thoughts on will's character and this storyline prior to all this spicy policing were! how did you view his growing up? was a sexuality storyline inevitable for you?

One thing I never fully understood is the general unease or being uncomfortable thinking about members of the party "growing up" and now viewing them in a different light, meaning getting involved in genuine teenage experiences like sex etc etc et al. I guess I just do find that frustrating sometimes when my view is: everyone grows up, we're there. Hit with: "but we saw them as kids! We watched them grow up! It's weird!" But WHY? I want people to explain why. Stupid analogy, but I think of how dumb it would be if my bf saw some home movie of me as a little kid and turned to me to say "well, unfortunately I can't fuck you anymore. Turns out, you were at one point - a child!" 😂 it sounds like that to me though!!!

Yeah we can still see our cute little babies s1 but we can also watch s5 and appreciate the journey, the coming of age. That's what's gonna make stranger things such a cool show, watching the actual journey from childhood to after (didnt Linklater film Boyhood over a decade to capture growing up in real time? Cool idea, never saw it). It's like any child star in the Hollywood industry. Miley was on Disney but then she started her adult career and were people initially odd about it having a pretty sexual angle? Yeah. Then everyone had to get over it. I acknowledge and understand the adjustment period, but it's frustrating in fandom for these boys that at large it's such a hang up. And, they're fictional. I know the irl actors portraying them plays into all this but... still.

(Then we got the M'leave-hers out here wanting Mike and El to get married and start having babies in s5 while we can't even talk about byler having a heated makeout or joke about Mike checking out Will's ass without pitchforks thrown our way. Booo)

As for what I thought for the shows trajectory, I did always hope we'd get an exploration of Will's sexuality as time went on. I really thought that was built into his character from the beginning (and it was and I was right) like it's one of the first things we learn about this little boy, with what Lonnie thought of him ☹️. I always wanted to see what they actually did with that and now it'll be a really, really incredible payoff if he does Get the Boy. I wasn't even really thinking too hard about byler back then but I can't even describe how heartbreaking that little moment when he tells Joyce "I'm not gonna fall in love" is in context, just... it always gets to me. S4 was a game changer and seeing what they were doing with Will and Mike? Hooked me. Decided to actually look into the fandom as something I wanted to engage w beyond just TV and the occasional pretty gifset or funny interview clip I came across on my dash or theories on reddit - shock and awe when eventually I saw how the vocal asshole fans acted. Debates and witch hunts over how far just a kissing scene can go? Sad.

Byler is great, byler is cute and palatable until you acknowledge that gay teenagers feel desire and maybe have sex, woah! People were even weird about aged up fic and art and everything! Still stumped to an extent about it. Our canon gay character (two, actually, just yet to be hmmm canonized lol) gets the sanitized treatment while Steve and Eddie and all their fanon post 7000 E rated fics w little complaint. (Finding out that was actually as popular as it is really shocked me?) I'd celebrate that and care about them more if the differences weren't so annoying. Just because of the age thing. Oh, get over it. Wish I'd taken a stand from the beginning and just did what I wanted without feeling awkward and going with the status quo. Lame. But maybe this is better, so much nicer having complete openness and a relative fresh start.

[hausofmamadas]

This is SO long overdue but Arte never fails to deliver and I’m so back locked into Calderoni-land now after reading this sksksk we haven’t vacationed here in a while, it’s such a breath of fresh air. Let’s get to it:

═

✷ “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.” He grinned, his voice warming her as it always does.

ALREADY SKSKDKSJS E IM A FUCKING PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR bc not only am I a simp for this fucking man, but I am a simp for the way you write him. I can hear him so clearly, you just have that shit so fucking dialed in and I’m already kicking my feet in the air

✷ His compliment, combined with the affection in his tone and his smoky gaze, makes her want to be closer to him ... She fights the urge and stands on the opposite end of the counter ...

AKSKSKSKSK wherein Slate is all of us actively willing herself not to bear tackle this mf not that you even could bc mans is solid. Like you’d prob be knocked back on your ass if you tried a fact that is not at all making me ravenous or feral in any way, shape, or form

✷ It was simple really, but he expressed before how much he loved the way simple pieces looked on her.

first off, “he loved the way simple pieces looked at her” is like extremely poetic sounding and I have no idea why. BUT MORE FUCKING IMPORTANTLY OKAY, the fact that this is SO CORRECT in terms of characterization bc like ofc, I’m sure every person gets excited when their partner/crush/chulite/what-have-you, mixes their wardrobe up, maybe dressing nicer for a special occasion, whatever tf. But Calderoni is not only such a man, homie is such an adult that like he thinks it’s just sexy when you’re dressed in simple shit, like doesn’t give a single fuck if you’re dressed fancy or flashy, bc this hijodeputa (cariñoso) is a mf GROWN👏🏽UP👏🏽

✷ Today she's in a black tee tucked into fitted black jeans and her leather jacket.

fickingksksksd cackling here bc like you could edit this sentence to be about me and it would be the god’s honest truth: Today Every day she’s in a black tee tucked into fitted black jeans and her leather jacket except only sometimes the leather jacket bc she lives in a desert where it’s like hazardously hot for 8 months of the year

✷ They were worn, old, but fit like magic and she had no intention of throwing these out until they literally fall apart at the seams.

Once again bc I’m a product of my generation and have to make everything about me skskksks but this is just.... me

✷ He picked up a bottle, then presented it to her. “Your boyfriend a scotch drinker?”

OH SEE THIS CRAFTY MF TRYING TO FISH FOR INFO JUST TO FIND OUT IF SLATE HAS A BF IM SCREAMIN bc like ... okay no, there’s a thing I’ve seen in fanfic where theres a super cool character but like they’re kind of always made out to be like calm, cool, collected in every situation in a way that’s just kinda unrealistic which I totally get bc who doesn’t like to just revel in a smooth-ass character being fucking smooth all the time and no I’m not talking about Pacho, why would you ask me that so I LOVE LOVE LOVE when a writer throws in a Cool Character doing something so fundamentally human, like Calderoni does this in a sly way, but you FUCKINT JNOWWWWW that mf has had his moments of like “oh FUCK, have I missed my chance, maybe that ship has sailed.” Like this is the old school version of stalking someone’s Instagram page to see who they’re hanging out with and like if they’ve posted pics with someone who may or may not be A New Person They’re Banging. IM JUST— I love that you did it okay???? Okay

✷“Interesting isn’t it, “his eyes met hers, “you don’t like scotch. Yet, here's a brand-new bottle.”

oh Calderoni, methinks your I’m-A-Detective is showing eksksks

✷ “I started seeing a therapist.”

He raised a brow. “How's that going?”

“At first, I almost quit. But, glad I didn’t. Turns out you have to - open up for it to work.”

NO BC I ALMOST CRACKED A FUCKING RIB LAAAFFFING AT THIS EXCHANGE bc it’s almost like Slate just told him “Yeah, so I started practicing ritual magic” and Calderoni’s like “oh never heard of it. P sure magic isn’t real how’s that going” like this man has never contemplated the prospect of going to therapy some parallels to our very own Meerkat Man, pobrecito Walt, mayhaps??!? let alone known someone who’s talked openly about going to therapy. Like he’d probably be less skeptical if someone told him they were liek, abducted by fuckin aliens skskdkdkd

✷ “Young and slim huh? Quite the change.” He patted his stomach.

STOPPPPPPPPPSSKNSE I CANNOT HANDLE IM CRYYYYYYING, THIS MAN KNOWS HIMSELF AND SIMULTANPUSLY DOESNT GIVE A FUCK AND WHY IS THAT THE HOTTEST THING ACTUALLY Also I looooove this almost taunting discourse bc like, Calderoni doesn’t seem like the type of dude to be possessive which we stan but he’s also not immune to a lil jealousy and it has to come out somehow so he’s like couching it in humor and goddddd I just, I cannot say this enough and you might be tired of hearing it but you write him so FUCKINNG WELL

✷ Even with his comment, Slate was sure Calderoni isn’t suffering a lack of confidence, or feeling intimidated at all. Just, maybe a little jealous.

the way I stood up like my favorite team just won the fucking superbowl skskdkdkd that’s a sports thing, right? I’m pretty sure? Sorry, I’m not one for sportsball bc I literally just said basically this exact thing. I am the fic prophet sksksks

✷ “You’re like a cuddly bear."

He was mid drink and almost spit it out. Calderoni wiped his mouth then set the drink down, “a cuddly bear?”

“Yeah, but a badass, mysterious, dangerous cuddly bear.”

AAAAAAAHGHGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH SKSSKSKS cue the dj screaming from that Esos Son Reebok o Son Nike video, cause that’s me rn bc Calderoni spitting out his drink in reaction to being called a cuddly bear is the FUCKING FUNNIEDT, MOST FLAWLESS SHIT I HAVE READ IN A FIC IN A LOOOOONG ASS MF TIME OKAY also Slate qualifying that he’s still a badass, mysterious dangerous cuddly bear. So, he’s just .... a bear then sksksksk

✷ “I don’t have an answer for you, and I don’t know what we’re doing here. I just know that since I got back, I’ve been trying to forget you and move on-“

“With bikers.”

SRTTOOOOPPPOPOPOP I just love their banter so much, I love him, I love her, I love them sksksk I can see it all so clearly, this interaction. Like truly the fucking dialogue is on point per yoosh

✷ It doesn’t even make sense we don’t know each other. We only had a few moments together, but I can’t- shake you ...

PH IM SORRY CAN WE ALK SCREAM IN REFAIN “I CANT QUIT SHAKE YOU” AND FALL TO OUR KNEES LAUGHING AND CRYING AT THE SAME TIME BC ITS SUCH A NON-CHEESY ROMANTIC SENTIMENT?????? AND DO YOY EVEN KNOW????? ACTUALLY HOW HARD IT IS TO STRIKE THAT BALANCE, PEOPLE????????? DO YOU?????

✷ “no matter what I do, or who I spend my time with, you’re still over my shoulder like this ghost I’m carrying with me ... “

a few things: a) I imagine Walt feels very similar although it’s characterized by an entirely diff emotion *cough* rage, most likely *cough*, and b) lowkey the most meta thing bc aksksskks like the number of people *cough* me *cough* who slowly raised their hand being like “ngl I think this mf is kinda dilfy” vs now, I have no problem admitting mf is under my skin and I did not see it coming until one day, I woke up, and was like “oh shit. I think— I think I would actually climb this man like a jungle gym. Wow.”

✷ “Even if there was some way it could work, I’m here, you’re in Mexico. I’m who I am, and you’re who you are. Then there’s all the rest of it.”

NOOOO BC YHEN YOU PULL THIS KKDDJDJ FUCKING BAIT AND SWITCH of like such beautiful, poetic romance and then slam me *whack* with the TRUTH like a baseball bat to my head, definitely got me like this now:

✷ Slate rested her hands on his knees, her eyes full of emotion and locked on his. “If it was me laying there, instead of Amat, bleeding and begging for help, would you have shot me?”

Without skipping a beat, Calderoni answers, “no.”

OKAY SKSKSKSKSKKSKSJWWBWNE NO EVERYONE CÁLLATE A LA VERGA PUES LPORQUE one of my absolute biggest pet peeves in life is pure fucking hypocrisy, and the characters I hate most, like their one biggest flaw is that they’re a blatant hypocrite. But sksksksksksksksksns the way that hatred is COMPLETELY NEGATED IN THIS MOMENT BY HIS DECISIVENESS SKSKSKSK I think if he’d floundered, gone back and forth, and then answered that way, I’d be side-eyeing tf out of him, but bc he’s not even pretending to have any kind of logical morality skskssk im like flipping my hair and batting my eyes and idk wtf that says about me but take that for what you will

✷ “You ever think about a beard, you know, leaving the pornstache behind?”

“You want me to grow a beard?”

... “I think it would look good on you.”

PORNSTACHE SKSKSKSKSKS ONCE AGAIN WITH THWIR FUCKING BANTER I LOVE IT. Also, he had a beard on Queen of the South, so can vouch, yes, still dilfy asf also the number of times I’ve had the thought “no man should look that good with that mustache but man, on him, it’s working for me,” is too numerous and embarrassing to admit out loud. Let’s just say it’s A Lotta Times

✷ “There’s so much I want to ask you ... About your life, your family, who you were before all this.”

I’m fully the :eyes: emoji bc I, too, have wondered about this extensively I feel like there’s gotta be at last one angry ex wife in the mix that he like sends money to on a regular basis, maybe a neglected child if we’re really getting into it and now I’m on the edge of my seat like what are we gonna learn here

✷ “I was married, but it didn't work out. One adult son. If there are any others, I don’t know about them.” he tacked on a grin at the end.

NOOOOSOSOSKDKSKS S BUT TBSKSKSKSNW CIERRA LA PUTA BOCA BC THE FUCKING BRAIIIIINCELL. I SWEAAAAAARRRR I DID NOT READ THIS BEFORE REACTING, TE LO PROMETO LIKE I WAS FULLY JUST THROWING THAT OUT THWRE AS MY OWN HC THEORIES

✷ “Okay, let's see - rollin' the dice here, what made you into the guy we met that day?” Calderoni slowly shook his head in response, no.

I love the way that Slate went from like “what’s your favorite color” to “what’s the meaning of life and all existence” in like 5 seconds flat skskksks

✷ She watched his mind work through his eyes.

HERE WE FUCKING ARE FOLKS, HEMOS LLEGADO AL MOMENTO WHERE IM FUCKING MAD OKAY, MAD MAD MAD. The number of ways I’ve searched my own brain to say, “Someone thought real hard about something,” while writing a fic, that’s not completely 50 Shades of Grey predictable, i cannot impress upon you the number of times again, let’s just say it’s A Lotta Times and I have NEVER, EVER thought to put it this way, but it’s so just— JUST EXCELLENT MF PROSE ALRIGHT, and I’m mad. Like I’m standing up, screaming, applauding you like im an audience member at an Oprah show and she just gave me a car, and simultaneously slapping both your cheeks like I’m a spurned lover from a telenovela (cariñoso, por supuesto con amor)

✷ “And” he cupped the side of her face, ''I never want to bring harm to you because of my job, or who I am ... “

bc of my job or WHO I AM

OHHHHHHH SUREEEEEEEEE YES, NO I DEFINITELY AM BEYOND STOKED TO HAVE BEEN GUTTED BY THIS COMBO OFNDEEPLY FUCKED UP, SAD AND ALSO SURPRISINGLY TOUCHING AND SWEET STATEMENT. I also think his acknowledgement of the danger he presents to her like ultimately, it’s not gonna make everything work MAY AMAT AND MY SWEET BABY BOY OSSIE REST IN PEACE but I do feel like it goes a long way towards demonstrating that despite the fact that he’s glib about a lot of things, he takes shit seriously in all matters Slate-related. I don’t think it’ll be enough to save them bc I feel like in the end, a relationship needs trust more than attraction, or even love. I’ve thought about this a lot not at all bc I’ve dealt personally with a breakdown in trust and that leading to the end of a relationship how like— okay, so I have a great aunt and uncle who’ve been married for a gajillion years, and they’re one of the few couples I know who not only still love each other, but still like each other. They’re also both deeply closeted but very Christian so never let that freak flag fly. HOWMEVER, there is love, but not carnal, it’s like— you can tell it’s based more in trust and faith than anything amorous. Like sure, they’re closeted but they’ve figured out how to be happy together? Idk I’m fucking rambling now sksksksks all I’m saying is: wanting to be together, enjoying sleeping with each other, is not enough to overcome a massive breach in trust without some SERIOUS fucking work and change and Slate is the only one going to therapy bc Calderoni thinks therapy is like extraterrestrials, they might exist but they’re probably not visiting earth

✷ You have no idea how complicated things are there, and what I had to do to get to where I am. I don’t want to put you in danger. I didn’t have any control of that in Mexico, but I have some now. I want to keep you away from it.”

akskskskskw not to sound like a broken record, but I ᶠᵉᵉᵉᵉᵉᵉᵉˡ ˡⁱᵏᵉ beyond acknowledging the danger, it would go a long way if Calderoni told the truth about like.... a metric fuck ton of other shit?? What is “what I had to do,” kind sir?

✷ When she didn’t respond right away, he gave her cheek a little squeeze. “You and Walts little operation down there is long over but it’s still not safe. It hasn't been forgotten. You don’t know who else saw your face. So far, I don’t think anyone's looking or asking about you, I aim to keep it that way.”

“I’m not going back.”

OKYA THIRD TIMES A CHARM BUT LOKE TRUST, GUYS!!!! YOU NEED IT!!!! IS SLATE ACTUALLY TELLING THE TRUTH my magic eight ball says “reply hazy, try again”

✷ We just pick some place in the middle of nowhere to rendezvous every few months, existing in whatever this space is between us?”

ANNNNBSDDSDDD another one for the books bc flipping my desk over for “existing in whatever this space is between us.” there’s something about it that’s soooooo filled with dread, that says “limbo” without actually saying limbo, and I’m mad about it do you see what you’ve done, I hope you’re happy

✷ ... it’s a soft, lingering, sensual kiss. The kind that takes dinner off her mind and shifts her thoughts to something more physical.

PFFFFTTTTTJDD first thought was, “yum” and then immediately following, “idk man, cooking can be pretty physical when you actually d e s p i s e doing it”

✷ “I’ll pay for it.”

“We can go even split.”

“No, I’ll pay for it.” He insisted.

YAAAS homie putting all that dirty cartel money that Miguel’s still kicking back to him to good use. Like what else are you gonna do but buy yourself your very own fuck pad in the middle of nowhereSJKSSK

✷ “And what happens if we break up this not-a-relationship situation?” She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze.

“Then you’ll get a bill.”

I feel like every fucking react reblog I do, it’s literally me jsut repeating myself over and over in response to diff lines but I swear to Christ, this banter is pure, fucking lightning gold. It makes me love and live for them which just ensures the inevitable disintegration of the relationship will be all the more brutal and gutting for me. Really looking forward to feeling so fine about it

✷ “I don't think it's the secret relationship police Guillermo.”

KSKSKSKS okay, if it’s Walt, then it actually is, in the weirdest way, the secret relationship police esp bc mans has it bad for Slate and isn’t even fully aware of it KEKW my face is like mere nanometers from my screen, dying to see who it’s gonna be not me evilly hoping it is Walt bc I enjoy the pain and suffering of fictional others

✷ The idea of Walt and Calderoni coming face to face, in her apartment, instantly filled her with panic and anxiety.

OKAY AFAIN SKSKSKSSKS I’M IN SOME GIANT STADIUM, SOMEONE HAS JUST HIT THE BALL INTO THE OTHER NET OR WHATEVER TF AND, RED SLUSHY WITH NO LID IN HAND, ITS NOW FLYING IN THE AIR COVERING ME AND THE PEOPLE BEHIND ME BC IVE JUST STOOD UP SO ABRUPTLY AMD AM SCREAMING DKDKDKD

✷ Walt hated Calderoni and Calderoni was either indifferent to Walt or strongly disliked him, it depended on the day.

y’know what’s so sad, and is something on which Calderoni and I strongly disagree, but like my read has always been, Calderoni doesn’t even think enough of Walt to dislike him. He just straight-up doesn’t respect him and thinks he’s a naive, gringo moron. Like I think, as much as he and Kiki butted heads, Calderoni respected the fire, even if he thought Kiki was also self-righteous and naive. I think after Pablo Acosto and the whole airstrip-raid-gone-wrong, Calderoni just thinks Walt’s a broken down, hopeless cause. Whereas Walt, ofc and with good reason, fucking despises Calderoni and sees him as like the most traitorous, duplicitous mf

✷ “Yeah, but it’s my personal life, my business and this situation is about to be a fucking bomb, do you have any idea how - “when the buzzer went off again, a string of curses left her lips as she let him in. “fuck.”

DUDEEJSJSJSJS THISB IS SUCH A FUCKINT SHITSHOW IM LIKE READING MY PHONE THROUGH MY FINGERS AS IF IM LIKE WATCHING A HORROR MOVIE

✷ Slate nervously scratched her arm while staring at Calderoni. “If I asked you to hide in the bedroom - “

He chuckled. “I’m not hiding from Walt.”

“Of course not, a bunch of stubborn ass bulls, the whole lot of us ...”

I’m totally with Slate’s frustration and it’s the absolute truth, she might be the only one that’s not true of, or at least not to the pathologically dysfunctional point it is for the other guys. But the way I’m alsosjsksksk like .... oh. Okay. H O T T T

✷ Sal popped out behind him.

“Oh, and I brought Sal with me.”

I can’t decide if Sal is going to be a nice buffer to make the confrontation less awkward or if it’s actually gonna make things worse bc he and Walt are gonna gang up on Slate

✷ “Shit, bad time? Is there a guy in there?” Sal asked, he rested an elbow on Walt's shoulder.

“Yeah, you could say that.” She forced a smile.

“Tell him to put some pants on, did you cook?”

ONCE AGAIN dialogue fucking on point bc you’re out here reminding me you don’t just flawlessly capture Calderoni and Slate’s back-and-forth, but also the way Walt/Slate/Sal all take the piss out of each other sksk

✷ “Why the fuck is this prick here?” Sal turned to Slate who now has part of her face covered with her hand.

Slate laughed, a nervous laugh and closed the door.

“It’s going to be a long ass night, better get a beer.”

goddddkdkdkdkdjdnd I wanted so badly for Sal to be the buffer here but I cannot hold it against him for being immediately put off. And also did he even know about Slate and Calderoni before??? And like actually, I can’t even remember if Walt knew about it, but I feel like he did or like it was alluded to, even if they didn’t talk about it outright? oh, what’s that? Does that call for a reread of parts 1 and 2 mayhaps?? *sprints, trips over chair, clumsily gets back up, continues sprinting* you don’t have to tell me twice kskskse

Pt 3: The thing about time is

Part three of my fic After all this

Fic info

Part one | part two | part four - finale

Read on A03

Words: 3,562

Warnings: not many, drinking, vague sexual content

3 weeks later

Slate shifted the brown grocery bag to her other arm and fished the keys out of her pocket. Turning the corner, she slowed her steps at the sight of her guest.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

He grinned, his voice warming her as it always does. He looks the same, but a little different, lighter maybe.

“You know phones are a thing, right?”

Slate stopped in front of him. There’s a playful mischief in Calderoni’s eyes.

“Surprise visits are more fun.”

Slate smiled. “Sometimes."

Calderoni takes the groceries from her; she lets him and unlocks her door. Once inside, and after locking the door, Slate kicked her boots off then goes to the kitchen. Calderoni put the bag on the counter, his eyes darted to her.

“You look good, Slate,” he paused as he took in her full form with his eyes.

His compliment, combined with the affection in his tone and his smoky gaze, makes her want to be closer to him. To melt against his strong frame as he secures his arms around her. She fights the urge and stands on the opposite end of the counter,

“You too Commandante,” she winked at him, “you’re shrinking.”

“I’ve been busy." He rested his hands on the counter. “Not a lot of down time.”

It's a movement she knows well, he would often do it back at the warehouse during their meetings. Just as he was going to say something else, Slate leaned over and looked at his feet, he chuckled in response,

“I remembered. I was carrying your damn groceries. Can’t do both.” Calderoni left the room, then returned, this time without his shoes, or his jacket. She assumed he hung it up by the door

He stood next to her and continues to observe her. Slate seems different, yet still herself. The last time he showed up at her door, she was on the verge of a breakdown and could have shot him. Now, she seems more centered, no signs of anxiety or stress.

He inched closer to her until his arm pressed against hers. “Traffic was a motherfucker. A drink?” He asked.

“No. I don’t drink Monday through Friday now.”

“Just weekends?” He asked.

After the question leaves his lips, his eyes dipped down again to her outfit. It was simple really, but he expressed before how much he loved the way simple pieces looked on her.

Today she's in a black tee tucked into fitted black jeans and her leather jacket. It's only as his eyes roam, does she recall she did take these jeans to Mexico, and did indeed wear them in his presence. They were worn, old, but fit like magic and she had no intention of throwing these out until they literally fall apart at the seams. From the look in his eyes, Calderoni's a fan of these jeans too.

“Friday nights and weekends.” She replied with a grin.

His eyes met hers briefly before he made a go for the mini bar, in the left corner of the kitchen. Calderoni eyed the bottles then made a hmmm sound. He picked up a bottle, then presented it to her.

“Your boyfriend a scotch drinker?”

Slate stood beside him, “No, he prefers tequila. And he’s not my boyfriend.”

The little grin on his lips, paired with his amused expression causes Slate to roll her eyes at him. Smug bastard.

Slate stepped away to get a glass, then returned to give it to him. He winked at her as he took it, then processed to pour himself a drink.

“Interesting isn’t it, “his eyes met hers, “you don’t like scotch. Yet, here's a brand-new bottle.”

His eyes fell to her lips, and she licked them purposely before responding. “Maybe I just like options. The more the better.”

Calderoni chuckled, shook his head, then recapped the bottle.

Part of her wanted to ask how he knew about Joaquin, but it is Calderoni, he either looked into it, or he’s been in town for longer than he’s putting on. It’s possible he could have seen her with Joaquin, especially since loves riding with him and it’s become one of her off day past times.

As for the Scotch, it was never her first choice of drink. She knows only two scotch lovers, Walt and Calderoni. Walt is states away, so the bottle isn’t here for him. Truth is, she got the bottle because she was thinking about Calderoni. She saw it and he instantly came to mind, especially because it’s one of his favorite brands. The smell of scotch also reminds her of him, so she bought it, and tucked it in the back. Where he, of course, found it.

Calderoni knows that bottle is directly associated with him; the teasing smirk on his lips as he raised the glass gave it away.

Slate pushed herself forward and went to the fridge. She took a soft drink and opened it. “Why now?”

“You said you needed time.”

When she turned back around, she found Calderoni leaning against the counter with his drink.

She took a sip, then responded, “It’s been over 3 months.”

“I’ve been busy, Slate. Plus, you didn’t say how much time.”

“Fair.” She headed to the living room, he followed.

Slate sat in the armchair and pulled one of her knees to her chest. The two of them maintain heavy eye contact as he takes a seat on the couch to her left. Calderoni angled his body to hers. He pressed the tip of his tongue to his teeth before taking another drink.

“You seem good Slate, how have you been?”

“I am, rough days still happen but that's life, comes with the territory. My department is fine, I’m working a case I enjoy,” she put the can down, and lifted her other leg up off the ground, “I started seeing a therapist.”

He raised a brow. “How's that going?”

“At first, I almost quit. But, glad I didn’t. Turns out you have to - open up for it to work.” She grinned, so did he.

“Thats a full plate, when you’re not hanging out with bikers of course.”

“He’s not a biker,” she put her feet down, “he rides, but he's not part of a gang or anything.”

“Young and slim huh? Quite the change.” He patted his stomach.

Even with his comment, Slate was sure Calderoni isn’t suffering a lack of confidence, or feeling intimidated at all. Just, maybe a little jealous.

“Oh stop, I don’t care about that. Besides, I like you the way you are.”

He doesn't respond verbally to that, but she can see the amusement in his eyes, and the way the corner of his mouth slightly curled.

As he drinks, she slipped her jacket off and laid it on the back of the chair. Settling into position, she angles her body toward his. Slate let's her eyes roam, moving over his face, then down to his body. Even now, it still amazed her that he ignites such a fire inside of her, it was so unexpected.

“You’re like a cuddly bear."

He was mid drink and almost spit it out. Calderoni wiped his mouth then set the drink down, “a cuddly bear?”

“Yeah, but a badass, mysterious, dangerous cuddly bear.”

Calderoni chuckled, “of all the things I’ve been called, that’s a new one.”

“I had this bear when I was a kid. It was a thick brown bear, with this tummy that came out like this,” she talked with her hands to help him visualize it, “it became so flat over time because I was always sleeping on it and holding it.”

“Thats adorable,” his eyes are bright and warm, his body language completely relaxed, “still don’t know how I feel about being compared to a cuddly bear.”

“It’s a compliment, trust me." She leaned in his direction, continuing to observe him, “Guillermo?”

The use of his first name catches his attention. She didn’t say it often, she usually just called him Calderoni. There's something about hearing his first name on her lips that pulls at his heart strings and further stirs his emotions.

“I don’t have an answer for you, and I don’t know what we’re doing here. I just know that since I got back, I’ve been trying to forget you and move on - “

“With bikers.”

“Stop,” she laughed softly, “I’m being serious here. It doesn’t even make sense we don’t know each other. We only had a few moments together, but I can’t- shake you,” she looked away, his intense eye contact was starting to overwhelm her, “no matter what I do, or who I spend my time with, you’re still over my shoulder like this ghost I’m carrying with me, and I don’t know what to do about it. At the same time, I know we can’t be together, for obvious reasons. So, where does that leave us?”

Calderoni is quiet, reflecting on her words. His brown eyes downcast now, fixed on the floor.

She continues her thought, “Even if there was some way it could work, I’m here, you’re in Mexico. I’m who I am, and you’re who you are. Then there’s all the rest of it.”

He slowly raised his eyes to hers, and this time the warmth is gone, a heaviness is present. “I would have warned you if I was able to. You know that.”

Slate pressed her lips together in a tight line and scrubbed her hands over her face. “Yes, there are two sides to the whole thing, and yes, I understand where you were coming from, but I can't just be over that. I can’t just forgive you for killing Amat. That's shit was traumatizing, and I lost people I care about. Saw them die with my own eyes. I could have died in that field, Guillermo.”

She stood and went to him, kneeling down before him.

He frowned and leaned toward her, “you think I don’t think about that, Slate? All the fucking time? You lost people, I know that. Good guys who didn’t deserve that end. You also know Walt should have informed me of his plans. I’m not trying to be cold, Slate, but it comes with the job, you know that..."he trails off, then takes a breath before finishing, "I know, you could have died too.”

Slate rested her hands on his knees, her eyes full of emotion and locked on his. “If it was me laying there, instead of Amat, bleeding and begging for help, would you have shot me?”

Without skipping a beat, Calderoni answers, “no.”

Slate dropped her head and closed her eyes. He gently cupped the side of her face, his skin is warm against hers, but she doesn’t look up yet.

“The approaching men, they would have seen if I was alive.” She whispered.

“I would have pretended you were dead. Then, I would have carried you out of there.”

Her eyes raised to meet his.

“Come here.” Calderoni draws her closer to him and guides her into his lap. Slate sits on his thighs and rests her head against him as he wrapped his arms around her.

After some time, she sits up to view his face. “My bear didn’t have this though.” she scratches his mustache, the low chuckle from his gut vibrates against her.

Slate moved her hand from his mustache to his cheek and laid it flat. He continued to hold on to her, his eyes steady on hers.

“You ever think about a beard, you know, leaving the pornstache behind?”

“You want me to grow a beard?”

“Not a full grizzly one, just one of those well-maintained medium ones, “she traced the shape it would be with her fingers against his skin, “I think it would look good on you.”

He smirked and gave her body a little squeeze, “I've had the pornstache for a long time.”

“Think about it. Change can be nice.”

Calderoni freed one of his arms and grabbed her chin. He gently, slowly, drew her closer until his lips met hers.

Later that afternoon

A small smile lingered on her lips as Calderoni planted kisses on her bare shoulder. Seconds ago, she got up from the bed to open the window. The cool air helped dry the layer of sweat on her skin. Her heart is still racing, body buzzing.

When she climbed back into the bed, he pulled her closer and draped one arm over her body.

“There’s so much I want to ask you,”

He stopped kissing her shoulder in response and looked up at her.

“About your life, your family, who you were before all this.”

“Can’t guarantee I’ll answer all of them” He brushed the length of her arm with his fingertips, then took her hand into his own.

Slate went silent, thinking about what questions she wanted to try first. “This should be a safe one, where’d you grow up?”

His eyes are fixed on their interlaced fingers, between their bodies. He responded with a casual ease, “Reynosa.”

“Do you have a family? A wife back home? Kids?”

He quirked a brow, “you weren't joking about the questions.”

“Hey, I said I was going to ask.”

“I was married, but it didn't work out. One adult son. If there are any others, I don’t know about them.” he tacked on a grin at the end.

“Okay, let's see - rollin' the dice here, what made you into the guy we met that day?”

Calderoni slowly shook his head in response, no. Slate didn’t push the matter and relaxed back against the pillow.

Quiet replaced the brief conversation for a few moments.

“You never told me what you want to do, about this, us?” she looked him in the eyes.

She watched his mind work through his eyes. He took his time before responding.

“The reasons it can’t be are valid. So are the reasons we shouldn’t. Still, none of that takes away from what I - “he paused, reconsidering his words, “this could be my last visit, if that’s what you want.”

Slate sat up, the lightness in her expression now replaced with a sullen one.

“It would be the wise thing to do, for both of us. Just, bury this whole thing and move on. But just because it’s wise doesn’t mean i want to do it…” she takes a beat, and tries to read his expression, “I need you to be open with me about this Guillermo, about how you’re feeling, and what you want.”

“I want to keep seeing you,” his eyes returned to hers, “I like you Slate. I don’t want to give this up.” He sat up too, “even out of Mexico, it’s dangerous for us to be together, less so here. And “he cupped the side of her face, '' I never want to bring harm to you because of my job, or who I am. You have no idea how complicated things are there, and what I had to do to get to where I am. I don’t want to put you in danger. I didn’t have any control of that in Mexico, but I have some now. I want to keep you away from it.”

Slate nodded and dropped her gaze to the space between their bodies.

“And whatever you do, do not step foot back in Mexico, you hear me?” When she didn’t respond right away, he gave her cheek a little squeeze. “You and Walts little operation down there is long over but it’s still not safe. It hasn't been forgotten. You don’t know who else saw your face. So far, I don’t think anyone's looking or asking about you, I aim to keep it that way.”

“I’m not going back.”

“Good.” He moved his hand down the side of her neck. “good.”

Slate sighed and placed her hand over his. “So, what now? We just pick some place in the middle of nowhere to rendezvous every few months, existing in whatever this space is between us?”

“I could work with that. As long as you’re part of the deal.”

She smiled, leaned in closer, then pressed her forehead to his. “I can too.”

The next night

“Come, taste this.” Slate stirred the sauce once more then listened for his footsteps. Calderoni stood behind her, his chest and stomach pressed against her back. She twisted in place and raised the spoon, carefully, to his lips.

He tasted the sauce and hummed, “damn, this is good.”

“Thanks.” She turned her attention back to the stove and continued stirring. Calderoni hovered behind her a second longer and kissed the exposed skin on her neck before stepping away.

“ I leave early in the morning.”

“Already?” She glanced back at him; he’s setting the table.

He nods, “have to get back.”

“I understand.” She turned the burner off and put the cap on the pot. “I’m glad you came by.”

Calderoni put the table setting on hold and returned to Slate, he grabbed her waist and pulled her close to him. When they kiss, it’s a soft, lingering, sensual kiss. The kind that takes dinner off her mind and shifts her thoughts to something more physical.

Once the kiss breaks, he tilts his head back, his eyes full of warm adoration. His lips parted briefly, and she could feel he wanted to say something, but decided against it. He keeps it to himself, and instead kisses her once more before returning to the table.

“You’ll have to find the place on your own, you okay with that?” He asked as he finished the table.

“Yeah, I figured, it’s okay. I already have a few ideas.”

“I’ll pay for it.”

“We can go even split.”

“No, I’ll pay for it.” He insisted.

She considered his offer, then accepted, “okay. Rental? Or just outright buy it?”

“Buy it.”

“You sure?” She headed over to him and grabbed his hand.

“Positive.”

“And what happens if we break up this not-a-relationship situation?” She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze.

“Then you’ll get a bill.”

“Ha, real comedian here.” She returned to the stove. “Everything's ready, take a seat.”

…

Slate and Calderoni were in the middle of dinner when the buzzer rang. Her eyes jumped to the clock then to him.

“Expecting someone?” He asked, a hint of suspicion in his expression.

“No.” She stood and grabbed her phone from the counter. There are no recent texts, and none from Joaquin. “I have no idea who that is.”

Calderoni got up, then came back with his gun in his hand.

“I don't think it's the secret relationship police Guillermo, “she pointed at it.

“Better to be safe.”

“Can’t argue with that,” it buzzed again, and she went to the wall unit and pressed the button.

"Yeah?"

“We can see your light on; I’m freezing my balls off out here.”

Her lips parted in surprise, and she lifted her finger from the button.

When she looked behind her, she could see Calderoni, he knows whose voice that is too.

“I didn’t know he was coming - “she hovered her finger over the button.

The idea of Walt and Calderoni coming face to face, in her apartment, instantly filled her with panic and anxiety. Walt hated Calderoni and Calderoni was either indifferent to Walt or strongly disliked him, it depended on the day. This was a nightmare and would quickly expose what she’s been trying to keep secret.

“I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing in New York,” she stared off until the buzzer went off again.

“Let him in, this was going to happened eventually. “

“What, him picking the absolute worst time to surprise visit me?”

“Him finding out.”

“Yeah, but it’s my personal life, my business and this situation is about to be a fucking bomb, do you have any idea how - “when the buzzer went off again, a string of curses left her lips as she let him in. “fuck.”

“Hey,” he grabbed her by the shoulders, “it will be fine.”

“No, it won't.”

“It will, “he tried to reassure her, “he’ll have to learn to live with it.”

Slate nervously scratched her arm while staring at Calderoni. “If I asked you to hide in the bedroom - “

He chuckled. “I’m not hiding from Walt.”

“Of course not, a bunch of stubborn ass bulls, the whole lot of us,” she pulled herself from his grip and headed to the door.

Calderoni watched from the hall as she tried to amp herself up quietly, whispering something to herself he couldn’t hear. Then the knock on the door came. Walt’s going to lose his shit, and Calderoni is amused by that.

Slate swallowed then unlocked the door. She opened it slowly, revealing Walt and his large smile. “Surprise!”

“Yeah, that it is - “

Sal popped out behind him.

“Oh, and I brought Sal with me.”

Slate’s eyes jumped from Sal to Walt. In contrast to their excited faces, it looks like she's seen a ghost.

“Hey, what's going on?” Walt asked, his smile dropping.

“Shit, bad time? Is there a guy in there?” Sal asked, he rested an elbow on Walt's shoulder.

“Yeah, you could say that.” She forced a smile.

“Tell him to put some pants on, did you cook? It smells like - “Walt slips past her into the apartment before she can stop him.

He only makes it in two steps before stopping cold.

“Fuck - “Slate muttered; Sal took a step toward her.

“Hey, Slate,” he made eye contact, “what is going on?”

“A waking nightmare apparently,” she stepped aside, opening the door wider. Sal can finally see Walt, and what made Walt stop in his tracks.

“Why the fuck is this prick here?” Sal turned to Slate who now has part of her face covered with her hand.

Slate laughed, a nervous laugh and closed the door.

“It’s going to be a long ass night, better get a beer.”

Masterlist

More Narcos

Might be interested. If not, I can remove the tag ;) chapter 3 is on A03 as well. The finance, chapter 4, will be up in 2 days. @yourlocalspacewitxch @ashlingnarcos @drabbles-mc

[watercolorofthemoon]

i forced my roommate to watch both LOTR and The Hobbit with me. Here are some highlights

LOTR:

Roomie: I like this gandalf dude Me: Oh yeah me too. he's a bit questionable sometimes but we love him

30 seconds later, gandalf fighting saruman: Roomie: NO MY SKRUNKLY

Roomie: awe sam is a precious boy Me, internally: oh you dont even know the half of it

merry and pippin stealing crops: Roomie: ARE THEY THE BASTARD LITTLE BROTHERS?? me: I mean i gues- Roomie: FOUND FAMILY LETS FUCKING GO

Elrond being disappointed and having strong eyebrows: Roomie: i feel like i've let down my dad and i dont even have a dad

Roomie: i don't really like boromir that much- me, pausing the movie to explain why boromir is extremely valid: I WILL HAVE NO BOROMIR SLANDER Roomie: is this bc he's a himbo

Roomie: this thorin guy sounds pretty gay if he's given bilbo this thing thats worth more than the shire me, internally: YOU HAVE NO IDEA MOTHERFUCKER

gandalf dying: roomie: NO MY BOY

roomie: please tell me gimli and legolas are gay, because everyone else seems extremely straight me: they arguably one of the gayest duos, yes. roomie: oh good. i thought they straight-washed sam for no reason me: i mean. there are a lot of frodo and sam moments that have no heterosexual explanation viggo breaking his toes: me, practically bursting at the seams: roomie: oh god what is it me: DID YOU KNOW-

gandalf is alive: roomie: FUCK YEAH MY BOY

me, explaining the uruk-hai: roomie: fucked up of a yas character to do that tbh (referring to saruman's manicure)

theoden being stubborn at helm's deep: roomie: okay i like him BUT COME ONNN MAN

eowyn picking up merry before they ride to gondor: roomie: I KNOW I WANTED TO KISS HER FOr A REASON MWAH MWAH EOWYN me:...she gets a bf roomie: NOT ANYMORE

aragorn: for frodo roomie, bursting into tears: me: whoa whoa u good roomie: ITS HIS DAD. ITS FRODO'S DAD.

sam literally carrying frodo up a mountain: roomie:...thats a bit gay mount doom blowing up: roomie: thats unecessary and homophobic

frodo sailing to the undying lands: roomie: TAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND WITH YOU YOU COWARD

The Hobbit:

the scene with baby bilbo: roomie: NAUR I LOVE HIM

bilbo and gandalf interacting as adults: roomie: this feels like it could go very wrong thorin finally showing up: roomie: listen im gay but i'd consider it me: he's probably also gay roomie: mlm and wlw solidarity okay we're bffs now

bilbo running out of the door: roomie: again. this feels like this could go very wrong. me, internally: oh fuck how do they KNOW already

thorin throwing down his weapon bc bilbo got caught by trolls: roomie:....thats....sus. me:...if this is sus...oh boy...

thorin's obvious dislike of elves @ rivendell: roomie: okay so. explain to me why thorin doesn't like elves again- me: did you not watch the entire introduction to thorin? roomie: NO WAIT I REMEMBER THE BLOND BITCH

saruman showing up: roomie: ew.

galadriel showing up: roomie: HELLO SAILOR AWOOGA AWOOGA

bilbo and thorin nearly falling off at the mountain pass: thorin: he's been lost ever since he stepped out his front door roomie: WDYM YOU'RE ALL FUCKED UP- thorin stop being mean to your husband

the entirety of the goblin tunnels and gollum: roomie: this does not bode well. at all. the ring showing up: roomie: I WAS RIGHT

azog versus thorin scene: roomie: dumb bitch...OH NO DOES HE DIE- bilbo to the rescue: oh no its chill, just gay

the iconic carrock scene: roomie:....this is incredibly gay bestie me: i'm aware.

the entirety of the beorn's house arc: roomie: ...i like beorn. he's feral and skrunkly. so is radaghast.

legolas showing up: roomie: *surprised pikachu face*

tauriel and kili's interactions: roomie: damn i was hoping she would be gay me: i mean with the right headcanons she can totally be a lesbian roomie: UR SO RIGHT OMG

kili getting shot with arrow: roomie: NO THE GAYS-

the laketown master existing: roomie: EAT THE RICH.

bilbo and thorin on the boat together: roomie: oh they definitely fucked in laketown-

tauriel healing kili and them holding hands: roomie: oh no don't make me feel sad for straight ppl me: again. they don't have to be straight. roomie: I KNOW BUT ITS THE PRINCIPLE OF IT

bilbo waking up smaug: roomie: oh bilbo...oh you sweet summer child...you stupid bitch.

thorin threatening bilbo initially: roomie: oh fuck. it got worse. me, internally: oh honey. oh no.

thorin's gold sickness and then nearly killing bilbo at the ramparts: roomie: NO THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE GAY AND HAPPY HOW COULD YOU

*doesn't say anything almost the entire battle until the kili and fili die* roomie: noooo the skrunklies NOOOOOOO

thorin, fucking dies in bilbo's arms: roomie: *turns to look at me with the most murderous look on her face* me: *nervous laughter* so about it getting worse- roomie: IM GOING TO KILL YOU.

end for now, if we end up watching trop together ill let yall know <3

[relax-and-read-on]

I’m going to try and be as held together as possible. But the Primarchs are BROTHERS. Yes, the astartes are a whole another can of worms. But they’re brothers. Why? What is with the incest in this fandom? (I’m totally for lgbt I’m aro ace myself and a fanfic writer.) But this is just why?

Well, I fully expected someone to come at me eventually about this, and I thank you for actually being very polite about it! I'll try to explain myself as much as I can. I will only speak about myself and how I see it, it might be different for others.

First one all: Imo, genetically, they are not any more related than two random humans plucked from different continent. It's canon that Big E mixed up many string of DNA to make them. I do headcanons some of them as closer, genetically. Alpahrius Omegon are obliviously twins, and I like to Imagine Corvus and Konrad as such too.

Second: Culturally, again, imo, most of them don't see each others as brothers. They grew up on different planets, some with actual siblings and foster family, and only became into contact with each others as adult. Im pretty sure that canon Emperor simply decided to use a "family" structure to control them more easily, creating a sense of loyalty in them and not just going "hello im a weirdo who made you in a lab and then accidentally lost you around the galaxy".

I actually think it greatly vary, how the boys see one another. Magnus definitely see Lorgar as his brother, but if my memory is right, never gave a shit about Konrad. As a result, calling someone "brother" with meaning feel like a very deliberate choice for them.

Third, author intent: warhammer was created in.... An area were representations was, at best, minimal. Now I know it's the imperium and all, but they still somehow managed to sneak in some really awful queer coding. Fulgrim being so obliviously lgbtq+ and being the one to fall to the demon of sex and lust? (I know, slaanesh represent other things, but the link is here). Lion being LITERALLY named after a queer poet and having his entire concept being into hiding and secrecy? It suck. It really, really suck. So, I queer up some more of the characters. I make Corvus a transwoman, turn Ferrus into a gay icon, and let Leman be the bisexual horn dog he always deserved to be.

Fourth... Well, this is a bit more shallow, but: it make for great story. Literally almost everyone that is a big name in warhammer is freaking related, unless you move to the guards (Wich I do, god I could write love letters about the guards). As such, if you want to add romance to a story, and I do enjoy solid romance, and sex, and drama, you will quickly run into some issues of just... Not having enough unrelated character. Wich suck!!! I want more normal humans to have SM bf!!! Heck I want xenos to date the big dudes!!!! One of my fav ship is literally Yvraine/Guilliman yall

Im also terrible at dealing with oc, I don't enjoy writing them most of the time, and they feel extra cringy if I try to ship them with a main cast.

Fifth point, kinda related to the precedent two: something, having the boys being in love make a better story. The absolute tragedy of Fulgrim killing Ferrus, and then realising what he has done?? The pained betrayal of Sanguinius, after realising that Horus was utterly lost to Chaos? Beautiful. I like those things better with a flavoring of romance, but I fully respect someone who think it's more poignant to write about family members experiencing that betrayal.

Sixth: I write mostly to cope. I have a lot of pretty serious health issues, and suffer various shade of ptsd. I have experienced very personal and awful things before, and worked frontline in healthcare during the worst of the pandemic. It might seem like a strange way to justifie it, but going feral and posting outrageously sexual and stupid things really does help me relax and deal with bad things in my life.

And finally, the one that is the most important to me: they are fictional. They are literally plastic figurine that I can walk around on my table and can make them kiss in pretend if I want to. I could also take their mini, grab some greenstuff, and decide that, my Magnus is now "Sir flying mc pants, level 5 wizard of birbs and stupidity" and paint him green.

I have fun imagining them fucking or falling in love or eating spicy tacos or singing at eurovisions (and yes that post is coming), because it bring me joy, and I don't see it as incest. They aren't real. I can literally decide to not make them brother in my brain, just as I decided that Colchis should be based on Algeria in all my hc, or that Vulkan should not be chucked in black paint.

So yeah, that's why I write what I write!!! To be honest tho, you came around at a bad time, rn almost everything recent is peak horny posting lol. My mutuals do seem to enjoy it??? Good for them?????

If this is still distasteful to you, that's totally ok! We all have different tolerance level for fictional content. There's plenty of things that I avoid, and I don't mind at all if people block me! Your comfort level is more important than exposing yourself to potentially triggering content.

[zedwards]

MOVIE DATES WITH STRAY KIDS

stray kids x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 1.8k

warnings: intended for male reader, but can be read as gender neutral; my first fic 👉👈 im nervous; lowercase aesthetic; does “bastard” count as a swear word..?

i hope you enjoy this little gift :)

bang chan

he likes romantic comedies

tbh being chan’s s/o would feel like a romcom of its own

since he doesn’t like crowds, your movie dates together usually wouldn’t involve actually going to the movies

instead you’d probably both opt to stay in for the night and watch a movie on the couch

under multiple blankets

in each other’s arms

hugs and cuddles

with the occasional kiss on the top of your head

it’s so soft

it’s chan :)))

he does the little claps at the end of the movie

because happy endings ^–^

y’know those awkward scenes where the main couple meets for the first time?

he likes to point out which character you were most similar to when the two of you first met

“i didn’t know you were in this movie!”

“you look so different! i could hardly recognize you!”

he’s such a dork

all your movie nights would end in one of three ways:

1.) you falling asleep in his arms

2.) him falling asleep holding you close (yeah not really, this man doesn’t sleep that much T_T)

or 3.) you both make it through the movie, and one of you says something like

“this is nice...i wish we could just stay like this”

and so you both (in theory) fall asleep right where you are

either way, chan is the best boyfriend and neither of you know what you did to deserve each other

lee know

he’d get you to go see a horror movie

even if you protest, he’d manage to convince you somehow

pokes fun at you every time you get scared

during a suspenseful part in the movie, he’d suddenly put his hands on your shoulders and shake you (lightly) out of nowhere, just to startle you

and he’d have to stifle his giggles because your reaction is just too priceless

absolutely relishes in how you never let go of his arm

like ever

seriously, his arm might as well be an extension of your body at this point

he may act like he’s annoyed

but he loves it

cuz he knows it’s because you feel safe with him

and if you hide your face in the crook of his neck

he’d get this look on his face...

something between an evil smirk and an amused grin

why? because his plan is working

plot twist: the whole reason he chose to see a horror movie with you was so that you would cling to him

surprise!! >:]

but even if you catch on, he’ll never admit it

tsundere

“did you even see any of the movie?”

you just kinda grumble in response, still latched onto his arm

“i can’t believe it... i so generously paid for your ticket, only for you to hide your face the whole ti- OW!”

you jab him in the side with your elbow give him a “love tap” :)

but it’ll take more than that to get him to stop teasing you about it

he’s a cocky bastard but you love him to death for it

seo changbin

superhero movie!!!

like something from the mcu

seeing him get so excited/invested in the movie??

wholesome

but he might get a little too excited

in other words, going to the movies with changbin is an...interactive experience

meaning that he talks at the movie

not to the movie, but at the movie

like...he talks at the characters on screen

as if they can hear him

honestly it’s kinda cute

but occasionally you have to remind him to keep his voice down

“HE TRIED TO TELL YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE STONE”

“shhhh alright calm down a bit-”

“...AND NOW YOU DEAD”

“changbin i love you but please don’t get us kicked out of the theater”

10/10 would have his arm around you throughout the movie

even if his arm goes numb, he’d refuse to let anything stop him

“changbin, you don’t have t-”

“CUDDLES.”

lowkey feels like a pillow

bc he beefy

on very rare occasions he might fall asleep during the movie

if he does end up dozing off and you catch him in the act, he’d deny it profusely

he likes to spontaneously slip his hand into yours :)

and lace your fingers together :))

you’re holding hands now :)))

his presence is just so warm and fuzzy and you make each other so happy

hwang hyunjin

THIS MAN

the funnest(?) most fun bf in existence

he’s definitely the type to try and smuggle outside food into the theater

he insists that he’s inconspicuous about it

and he tries to be

but he’s not :)

“uh... hyunjin, why are you wearing two hoodies?”

“i uh... i’m... cold?”

“so you’re sticking bags of microwaveable popcorn in between your sweatshirts...to keep warm?”

*visibly sweating* “i can explain...”

ok ok

so y’all seeing a comedy

why?

because HIS LAUGH OMG

it’s so bubbly and contagious

so naturally, you’d both be laughing up a storm at the back of the theater

and sometimes it’s because of the movie

but most of the time it’s because of the side comments the two of you keep making to each other

and it doesn’t help that he keeps making these ridiculous observations about the characters in the movie

“what’s up with that guy?”

“what about him?”

“why is he built like a refrigerator?”

about halfway through the movie, you both reach that delirious state where literally anything and everything becomes funny

even if it’s not supposed to be funny

...especially if it’s not supposed to be funny

the two of you? lowkey hyenas

long story short, you’re both asked to leave the theater not even two hours into the film :)

han jisung

action!! movie!!

finishes the popcorn within the first ten minutes of the film

that is, if he doesn’t scarf it all down during the previews

he talks through the entIRE THING

he’s always got something to say

it’s like watching the director’s commentary version of a movie

but instead of the director talking about the film-making process

it’s jisung muttering nonsense in your ear

sometimes pertaining to the movie

and other times...

“hey did i ever tell you about the time i saw a seagull eating garbage?”

...yeah, other times it’s...not

either way, you don’t mind

because you aren’t really paying much attention to the movie anyways

you’re too busy admiring your boyfriend

how could you not?

the way he’s on the edge of his seat, giving the movie his full attention...

the light from the screen flickering dimly on his face, highlighting his gentle features...

you’re the luckiest person in the world, no doubt

his eyes light up whenever something particularly cool/badass happens in the movie

but he also gets startled by the explosions every now and then

when that happens, you just look at each other for a moment

and then burst into a fit of giggles

“stoooppp!! it was loud, ok??”

you just hum in response and rest your head on his shoulder

y’know that thing he does where like...

he’s giggling, but he has something he wants to say, so he keeps trying to talk?

but his words keep getting cut off by his own laughter?

yeah... that’s what he’s doing

he’s adorable

lee felix

animated movie

a firm believer that you’re never too old to enjoy cartoons

he never lost that child-like energy/enthusiasm, which is part of what makes him such a gem

so of course, when the new disney movie came out, he knew he had to go see it with you

he would definitely load up on snacks from concessions

if you don’t stop him, he’s gonna be buying two giant things of popcorn and at least five different kinds of candy

and when he walks back to you after paying, he’d just smile brightly from behind the mountain of junk food in his hands like

“snacks :D!!!!!”

seriously though, try to keep track of how much popcorn he eats

bc he might overeat and get a stomachache :((

obviously he can take care of him self, cuz he’s an adult

but like

he loves when you look out for him

because he knows just how much you care about him

sunshine boy :((

y’all already know how much of a cuddle bug this man is

so of course that means lots of cute, affectionate gestures during the movie

skinship

holding hands

you resting your head on his shoulder

and him resting his head on top of your head

and most importantly SNUGGLES

snuggles are a must

for him, movie dates are just an excuse to be extra touchy with you

even though he never needs an excuse to get cuddles whenever he wants

because c’mon

it’s felix

what are you gonna do, say no?

kim seungmin

murder mystery film

tends not to talk all that much during movies

he’d just be so completely engrossed in the movie that he’d forget about his surroundings

but that’s not to say he won’t hold your hand or drape his arm over your shoulders

every now and then you can catch him leaning forward in his seat

with his mouth slightly ajar

it’s so endearing

but if for whatever reason you want to get his attention...

heh...

yeah, good luck with that

you’d have to maybe give his hand a lil squeeze to get his attention

and at first he’d just turn his head in your direction, keeping his eyes glued to the movie

but if you gave his hand another squeeze, he’d snap out of it

“psst...seungmin”

“mm.”

“hey, seungmin?”

“huh? yeah?”

“i love you”

if that doesn’t make his heart SWELL—

his dazed expression would quickly shift into one of pure elation and fondness

he might not respond verbally

but he’d gently bring your hand up to his lips

press a soft kiss atop your knuckles

and then lower your hand again without letting go, turning his attention back to the movie

but that bright smile of his would never falter for even a moment

he loves you too

so so much :)

yang jeongin

another one for romantic comedies

he likes it when there’s a little less “rom” and slightly more “com”

and so do you

because it means you get to hear his laugh more

oh god...

his laugh

the little giggles in between the short gasps for air...

so cute

“no. i’m not cute.”

he is very cute

probably won’t initiate any skinship

but if you do, he will absolutely go along with it

sometimes he’ll nod off in the middle of a movie

and then wake up during the credits, completely disoriented

“where am i”

“you fell asleep”

“huh??”

“you drooled a little on my shoulder, you goof”

unlike hyunjin, he’s really good at sneaking food into the theaters

like really really good

almost to the point that it’s scary

usually people try to sneak in popcorn or candy or maybe soda

well not jeongin

“hey, you want some?”

“what the- HOW DID YOU GET A BUCKET OF FRIED CHICKEN IN HERE”

“:]”

he’s not telling

like or reblog if you enjoyed ^^ feedback is always welcome and very much appreciated!

[inkykeiji]

Heya! Not a new follower but I never really had the courage to send anything thru your askbox (: i just wanted to say that i really love your works and love the age gaps! Reason why im saying this is bc of one ask i saw and also bc my bf is seven years older than me and literally everyone we know gives us tons of shit for it. Last week he broke down abd told me we should break up bc he doesn't want me to go thru all that bullshit for him. I'm gonna be 21 in late december and he turned 28 in early September and one of my now ex friends sent him a card saying "happy bday old geezer go fuck someone your own age". We'd been together long distance ever since I was 19 and this year he finally managed to move in my town. When we were long distance it was easier to deal w these comments but now that we can't even go out bc we'll bump into someone we know is fuckin awful. Is our relationship really not okay? I have my fair share of traumatic experiences and his family situation is actually pretty similar to Touya (he introduced me to bnha bc he really connected with dabi and before that shouto for slightly diff reasons) but like, idk my therapist says she doesn't think my traumas are influencing me to be w someone older (i cant explain it any better bc it would ve too personal) but yea I'm just so fucking scared and worried and even though your works are helping both of us it's still so hard some days. If we break up I'd rather it be bc we just don't click anymore, not bc someone doesn't like that he's seven years older than me. What do you think? Are we really doing the wrong thing by being together? Is he a bad person for bejng with me when i was 19? Weve always been fully aware of our age difference and didn't just jump in the relatiinship, we rlly talked about it cuz we know we shouldn't fall back on ppl who have too much going on to help us and for us to help them if that makes sense so why is it so bad? Sorry for this long depresing ask i just dont know where else to say it without feeling judged..

hello anon <33

first off, i want to begin by saying that i'm super happy to hear that you can find comfort in my work; that means so very much to me <3

oh gosh anon babie i am so sorry this is causing you both so much stress and anguish!! i have a lot to say so please bear with me, my response will be long!!

first of all, in my opinion, as long as your relationship is healthy and you both are happy, then it is absolutely NONE of anyone else's business. you're both adults. you both took the time to seriously think this out and made an informed decision. no two relationships are alike; they're all unique and they all depend on the participants in the relationship, you know? age gaps aren't always inherently BAD. they can be, but almost anything 'can be' bad (ie too much coffee can be bad for you, too much time spent online can be bad for you, etc.). circumstances and nuances and all of those little details matter A LOT, and they will vary greatly from relationship to relationship depending on a variety of factors. i think that there are so many people in our contemporary world that so desperately wish that moral matters such as these were easily definable and neatly categorized to fit into these tiny little boxes of GOOD and BAD when in reality morality is so extremely grey.

for example, the relationship between, let’s say, a 21 year old student and her 28 year old teaching assistant, or a relationship between a 21 year old worker and her 28 year old supervisor would have a more substantial power imbalance than the more simple imbalance in your own relationship which, based on the information you've given me, seems to ONLY pertain to the age difference. now, those examples i gave above don't automatically make those relationships BAD, it just means that there is a bigger potential for misuse of that power, etc etc. my point here being that there are SEVERAL factors that would influence an abusive or toxic misuse of that power, not always solely the age difference itself. does that make sense?

i think that card your ex friend sent him is incredibly tasteless. once again, your relationship is absolutely none of their business. also, if you've discussed this with your therapist and they don't think that it's harming either of you, i think that's a good sign!

i think it's also important to keep in mind that everyone will have different opinions on this situation, just as everyone has their very own set of morals and opinions and beliefs. everyone will have different feelings and 'truths' towards it. but your opinion doesn't have to align with theirs. YOU know your relationship best. YOU know what is true for your specific relationship and what isn't. just because one person doesn't agree with your relationship or thinks it is somehow 'wrong' doesn't mean it IS. there are plenty of people who think the content i create is 'wrong', and their opinions are fine and valid, and they're allowed to have them. i, however, 100% disagree with them, for several reasons. and that's okay, we can agree to disagree, and move on with our lives. 

i think what i'm really trying to say is: COULD an age gap contribute to some sort of misdoing (ie abuse) in a relationship? sure. does it ALWAYS? no, not at all. COULD a relationship with no age gap experience the exact same misdoings? YES, absolutely. there's so much more that goes into an unhealthy/bad/toxic relationship; so many other factors, you know? an age gap is just one of those things that COULD *potentially* be a singular factor, but is in no means and by no way ALWAYS a factor, or is this ALWAYS the case.

i totally get what you mean when you say you’d rather you break up because you don’t mesh well, NOT because of what others think of your relationship, and i agree!! i think it’s super sweet that he’s so considerate and is worried about what you might go through due to the judgemental people you’re surrounded by, but if you think he is worth the suffering, then tell him so! to answer your final questions: no, i do not think it’s wrong for the two of you to be together: this is a consensual relationship between two adults. i most definitely do not think he is a bad person; what would make him a ‘bad’ person are his INTENTIONS. if he got with you at the age of 19 with the INTENT to use the power imbalance an age gap may sometimes present to HIS advantage, he’d be doing the wrong thing. if he was manipulating you and using your inexperience or naiveness against you, he would be doing the wrong thing. do you see where this is going? his intention matters a lot more than the seven year age gap, in my personal opinion.

at the end of the day, it's your decision, and your morals, and your relationship. i can only offer you my opinions here, but you in no way have to agree with them, you know? it isn't my place (or anyone else's!!) to tell you whether or not your relationship is 'bad'. that's up for the two of you to decide. ultimately, i can only give you my thoughts based on the information you’ve given me; i don’t know either of you or your relationship, but YOU DO!! work together to make an informed decision based on the unique details of YOUR relationship, and try not to care what others think. there will always people who disagree with you, no matter what you’re doing, no matter how good you’re striving to be, and honestly that’s their problem, not yours. what matters is that YOU know the truth.

i hope this all makes sense anon, and i hope it helps a little <3 these are my personal thoughts on the issue!

[kittychicha]

Recent dramas you’ve liked? /// what dramas are you watching right now that you recommend? // what dramas are you looking forward to?? ❤️❤️❤️

ohh thank you for the question! im gonna ramble a bit if u dont mind alksjda disclamer i just vibe with things i never claimed to have taste

from what im watching right now:

- koi desu: it's about a girl who lost almost all her sight and a "delinquent" boy who falls in love with her after she accidentally hit him lol. it's really super sweet like they both try so hard to understand and uplift each other 💕

- my name: i think everyone's watching this so im sure you heard of it but it's great! a girl wants to take revenge after her father was murdered so she joins a gang then infiltrates the police. the pace is fast so you never get bored and i like the twists that they put in. very action packed!

- kieta hatsukoi: aoki borrows an eraser from the girl he likes but sees it has another classmate's name written in it with a heart. the other guy (whose name is written) sees it and thinks aoki has a crush on him. its sooo silly but soooo lovely! ❤️ the misunderstandings are really funny.

recently watched dramas:

- shanai marriage honey: another crazy plot lol a girl just broke up with her bf of 5yrs because he cheated, she goes on a dating app and sees a man who wants to marry instantly so she accepts. this is basically all fluff? like it doesn't really have much conflict its just them suddenly being married and having fun.

- couple of mirrors: an elite novel writer befriends an undercover assassin as they get involved in a murder investigation. i wished there was more of the girls being together but this was great still! the costumes and the period setting were so pretty and the plot was good.

- kanojo wa kirei datta: this is a remake of she was pretty and while it does have the "makeover plot" that i know a lot of ppl arent into (with reason!) but still i thought this went past that and it was more about the FL finding herself in life/work and gaining confidence! they also didnt villainize the second FL which is a million extra points in my book

- dare to love: a lawyer wants to prove herself in a male dominated enviroment and get to be partner of her firm. a young just graduated intern follows her around trying to win her heart. SO this was super great, really funny and cute BUT they did meet when he was in hs and that's weird, they werent romantically involved until they were both adults (the hs thing is all short flashbacks) and he was always the one pursuing her but still :/

- why i dress up for love: a workaholic publicist has to move in with three strangers after she realizes she didnt renew her lease. tbh i watched this for ryusei but it was sweet! it was also more about both the leads finding themselves with work/life, then coming together as a couple.

- the day of becoming you: an entertainment reporter and an idol accidentally switch bodies. when i read the plot i was like no thank you, but the gifs conviced me to give it a try and its hilarious.

recently watched movies:

- your eyes tell: throwing in AN ALL TIME FAVORITE!! its so lovely so sweet and a little bit sad the peeeerfect romcom its so touching i promise.

- recalled: a suspense thriller! a woman wakes up with no memories after an accident, she starts to suspect her husband is lying to her about their life, and starts seeing strange visions. loved the twists in this!!!

- farewell song: this one is sad!! i watched to see mugi kadowaki as a lesbian it's about two girls who are in a band and end up falling apart just as they reach fame.

- the grotesque mansion: horror film! a writer visits an abandoned mansion to hear real life horror stories and get inspirations for his comic. the movie divides into parts to tell the stories of the residents of the mansion, but it also kind of all connects with each other! it was cool.

- little forest: a girl goes back to her home in the rural countryside after failing an important exam. its a HEALING MOVIE 💗 the softest and loveliest thing you will ever see.

[alyshea]

Hi babe im so sorry to hear about ur breakup. I went through the exact same thing last year - me and my bf had been together since we were 16, did everything together, lived together, studied together and had the time of our lives. Or at least I thought, until he came home and said that he had been unhappy for a while and that he had fallen out of love with me. And like that, we broke up after 5 years together. And I was miserable. It isn’t until now (last week!) I realised that my life is so much better now. Don’t get me wrong - he still means so much to me and I have no regrets about our relationship, but I had been with this guy so long, including all of my “adult” life. And I realised that I didn’t know who I was without him. It’s hard to explain, and I would not have believed it a year ago myself, but our beautiful relationship had in many ways held me back from growing and being comfortable with who I am and being on my own. So I guess I just wanted to tell you that it gets sosososoSO much better! This is your chance to be yourself 100%, and find the thing that YOU love to do, what songs YOU love to listen to, what YOU want for dinner. And it is an amazing opportunity to reinvent, or rediscover, yourself. Grieve as long as you need, but know that this will pass. And when you are okay again, you’ll hopefully realise that your happiness can come from so much more than someone else. I figured that I looked for much of what I should have given myself from my ex, so I never really learned how to truly love myself or take properly care of my own happiness. Maybe this is your opportunity to do just the same. Sending lots of love, I know this is hard

PS: Ice cream. To feel maybe a little better right now

oh, i'm so so sorry you're going through this 🤍

and honestly, I can't thank you enough for sending this - my tears stopped falling for the first time today as soon as I read it. thank you thank you thank you!

sending lots of love and light your way XXX

[adlexegam]

please tell me, am i in the wrong?

so basically i decided to join here cause i at least know my post wont get removed here. i tried posting my story on reddit’s AITA but my post kept getting removed because on their posts you cant post about abuse. so fuck it, here i am, hoping for someone other than my bf and myself to tell me im not wrong. context:i decided to invite my boyfriend over without telling my parents, i did it max 5 times. i was 16 at the time and he was 18. i got caught and my punishment was to get my phone taken away, my number cancelled, im no longer allowed to drive a car or get my license, im only allowed one friend, im not allowed my laptop anymore, im no longer allowed outside without constant supervision, cameras were installed in and out of the house, and just about every day since december of 2019 ive been getting told how disgusting i am for wanting to be with a n****r (my bf’s half puerto rican half white, i’m half hispanic and half white too), how if he was white he would have come to the front door and shook my parent’s hands and asked for permission to date their daughter, how im a dirty n****r lover who will get pregnant from him and have to slave away to take care of our half breed mistakes, how if i stay with him he’ll sell my body on the streets for money, how if i have sex with him ill get every std on the plant, all that 50′s bullshit. ive gotten pregnancy tested (im celibate), drug tested (mom claims she smelled weed in my room, so he’s a dirty n****r drug dealer apparently forcing me to do drugs, guess what i am against drugs since i know itll change my brain chemistry and i have weak lungs),and std tested (still celibate).  for the first few months after they found out i was allowed my laptop at home to do homework, and only allowed my phone during school. one day i got home and i got greeted to the fact that i no longer have a laptop and now have to use the house computer to do all my work at home. of course i got mad because for months ive been doing everything they wanted, and suddenly im being punished for being suspiciously good? my mom got on top of me and fought me to take off my backpack to take my airpods too, left my phone on the kitchen table. i grabbed my phone and locked myself in my room. she found out i took my phone, and once i unlocked the door i held my phone above my head so we can just talk. instead she got on top of me and started scratching me and all over my arms to get to my phone. i dropped it from the pain of the scratches on my arms. earlier that same day i was getting ready for school with my laptop open, camera taped over, looking for any school assignments i missed. my mom unlocked my door and saw my nude body getting ready with my laptop open, and just went back to the kitchen table and told my dad how much of a slut i am and how im posting my nude body on the internet. i quickly put on clothes and came up to her yelling how im just getting ready for school and how theres tape over the camera. i even told her to look at the laptop, the only thing open was google classroom. my dad got up and started yelling at me for being a slut and for talking back. for once i finally got tired of being yelled at, i finally stood up for myself. he punched me in the face and when my mom got in between to defend me (she caused the whole situation), his swings went back in on her stomach. i screamed dont hit my mother and tried to push her off him, he used the oppurtunity to grab my shoulder by my uniform and punch me in the shoulder. everything was a blur after that. my mother drove me to school and yelled how i shouldnt have been a whore on the internet. i fought back. before i got to school i yelled “please, just fuck off”. this is important later, because she used me saying that as the excuse for her getting on top of me and scratching me and ripping my backpack off my back. because i swore at her. it was okay. but here’s the important part. he hit me in front of the camera. i knew the police would ignore the emotional abuse ive been getting for my entire life. i got my physical evidence. finally, after 16 years, i had my evidence. i told my boyfriend what happened, and we agreed to meet after school the next day and call the police. i wanted to be emancipated, since my parents adamantly agreed that i (apparently) only wanted to be emancipated because my ‘poor street rat n****r boyfriend’ was manipulating me into it. ive been dreaming of this day since i was 8, when i realized what ive been told wasnt normal. they showed up on the corner of where i called. i told the policemen what happened to me the day before. they asked if i had any scars or bruises. i said no, he didnt punch me hard enough to get a bruise the next day, and my mother didnt scratch me hard enough to get scars. they knew what would happen if they gave me physical evidence. after i said that, the policeman interrogating me asked me something that will stay with me until the day i die. “he never really hit you, did he?” i began crying and saying yes! yes he did! i have video footage to prove it! we have cameras in the house! it happened right in front of the cameras! more questions ensued, and i was brought to the police station while my boyfriend waited at a local coffeeshop for me to finally be free from the abuse. at first i was scared, but the cops calmed me down. i told them everything. all my memories spilled from my mouth like water from the niagra falls. everything came rushing out, my fears, my forgotten memories i forced into my box of never to be remembered, the times before i feared for my life, the times i knew something wasnt right. i told them everything from the bottom of my heart. they listened and asked all the right questions.(if you want to know what happened to me and what i told them, ill post them in a future post if anyone cares)  one of the officers, the only one with melanin skin and a father to a beautiful girl, expressively felt sick from my stories, from my life. not even he could understand why, as a father, why any parent would find it right to do to me what they did. he was my favourite police officer, he was the kindest and the only one who really wanted me to feel comfortable. he talked to me on the level of a person, not a child. eventually cps came and he told me to tell her everything too. i did. she asked where i wanted to go if i got emancipated. i said to live with my boyfriend, his family is willing to take me in and once i get a job ill pay minimal rent so i can be free. she said ‘no, you cant live with a minor.’ i said he’s not a minor, he’s 18. she said ‘oh, then yeah you definetly cant live with him’ she said if i wanted to leave i would be put into a women’s shelter since i was too old to be adopted/put into foster care. she said i would be r*ped if i was put in there. she said i should just take it until im 18, then ill be fine. she said that there were no scars or bruises, so it wasnt that bad. (this part is blurry, the more i remember it the more the memories overlap, im sorry for any confusion) the police interrogated my parents. they believed every word they said. my mother used whitepages as a source to prove how my boyfriend lied about his name. my mother used our hours long calls to prove how im obviously being manipulated to lie. she said how im just a liar, as my father said, a pathological liar. they had no cause to me being a pathological liar, i was just born that way. i was lying to get into my manipulative boyfriend’s arms for my body to be used by him and his friends. i was obviously being manipulated, why would i want to leave my loving parents arms? i was obviously doing this just out of anger of getting my laptop and phone taken away, obviously. its not like they EVER did anything wrong to me, they were just teaching me to grow up a mature adult, ready for the world. they would never put their hands on me. the police never looked at the cameras. they never questioned me again. i was a liar. at home the child protective services lady said my room quote ‘ranked of weed’. i have never done weed. my boyfriend has never done weed in my room.  at the station they said they couldnt find a record of my boyfriend. i later found out that, even after he gave them his social security number, they still questioned his existence. at the station they told my parents they couldnt find his record (he has none, hes never committed a crime). at home a therapist came. to my knowledge, my boyfriend was never real (no record) and i would still have to be at home. i wanted to die. the therapist said she wanted to take me to a mental hospital. my mom was there and consented. my dad later came home, yelled at me in front of the therapist. she said im suicidal, with his consent she would call her supervisor to take me to the local mental hospital. he consented. while she called her supervisor from across the kitchen, he said: “she wants to kill herself? fuck if i care, she can drown herself in a river for all i care” i sat there shocked.  the mental hospital was a blur. once i got home i got my phone taken away too. my only communication would be from the 10+ year old computer we have in the kitchen. facing out so anyone that walks by can see what im doing. one of the cameras is watching me at all times, but is positioned so that it cant see what i am doing.  once i got home i used our kindle fire. i logged into discord on incognito mode. i asked him to send me his birth certificate. was he even real? was i even real? was our late nights of cuddling nothing? were the walks in the park nothing? were the ‘i love you’s nothing? did meeting his family from an hour long train ride mean nothing? were the chinese food dates nothing? were the confessions of our embarassing secrets nothing? were the times we had non-vaginal sex and laughed in the middle from how silly we were being mean nothing? were the times we had tiffs and talked it out mean nothing? did he save me from my ex-abusive partner just to use me? were the times we layed down next to each other with the only covering being my blanket, staring at each other in wonder of how lucky each of us were, was that nothing? when we spent hours telling each other our  entire life stories, was he lying? did the times he called my body the most beautiful thing he ever has seen, the times he’s said he didnt think he’d ever fall in love again from his ex, was that a lie? he sent his birth certificate. it was real. his birth date his name it was all real. he told me what happened to him. i told him what happened to me. he apologized for it going the way it did. i apologized for doubting him. child protective services sent a therapist me and my mother had to meet with weekly. 2 hours, 10 times. it lasted until the first weeks of quarantine. me and him are still in the same love we’ve has since before he found out how truly insane my parents are. the only reason we’ve ever gotten into fights is from how much he wants me to run away (before you say ‘ok maybe the parents were right, he sounds manipulative’, no, he only says that after every time something else happens at home and how he has to cope with the fact that im okay with being abused since its my normal. he wants me to run away from the abuse, not just so we can see each other again, so i wont be hurt anymore). he’s still the man i want to marry, the man i want to call mine and for him to call me his. we get scared the other might get tired of the waiting and just decide to leave for someone each other’s family would like. we talk through it. we know we can wait. i know i can take it until im 18. he knows he’ll be prepared to take me in once im 18. we know we can take the late nights awake, missing each other. we can take it because this isnt puppy love. this isnt purely passionate love. he wants me to be safe, and i want to finally be free. so you’re up to this point and you’re probably thinking one of three things: jesus christ can this lady capitalize anything?? or holy FUCK this is long it better be good or why did she title her post that? first of all, i do what a want nehenehenehneh second of all, whoever reads this needs the full context before i ask my question third of all, because of what happened a couple of days ago. a month ago my dad passed from covid-19. ive become the housewife while my mother has taken over the family business and my brother does the grass once a month. my mother still cooks, but i clean the dishes and fold laundry every day and vaccuum the whole house twice a week. a letter came in the other day stating how our child protective services case is now closed. they never found signs of physical abuse or neglect. my mother reminded me for the infinitieth time how stupid i am for getting manipulated. how much of a dirty n*****r lover i am. how i will never be anything without her. then she brought my father into this i started the situation, which made him depressed. he was depressed, so he couldnt fight off the virus. because he couldnt fight off the virus, he died. she blamed me for killing my father she blamed me for my father for deciding to go out every day without a mask for my father deciding to put in his eyedrops in an insanitary environment she blamed me  it was my fault i knew i was leaving when im 18 i knew i wanted to tell my mother at least a month before i left that i was leaving but now theres no going back once im 18, im gone im never turning back i will never be treated like this or talked down like this ever again but who will clean? who will vaccuum? who will make sure the house is organized? do i stay? can i even go? i just dont know anymore should i go? and well, what i started this post with, please tell me, am i in the wrong? for planning on leaving when im 18? to finish this post, i just want to say a few things. dont tell me to call the police or child protective services.i already did. they believed my abusive parents and told them how they can protect themselves against me, since i was the one who started all this. plus, look at the fucking news. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. my boyfriend looks hispanic and i look white. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. fuck cops. not all cops are bad, but no cop should fucking gun down people for their race. no person should be judged from some racist  person saying “oh im fearing for my life” and the person in question is black/a poc and is doing fucking nothing. they believed my fucking abusive parents because they threw my bf under the bus as bait and the police went for it. dont come after my family. all that will do is make everything worse for me. my mother can’t even look at a poc without claiming they’re related to my boyfriend and are going to follow her to kill her. dont do anything to me. just please answer my question. please just tell me if im in the right or if im in the wrong. i know this is abuse. i know whats happening to me is wrong. but i know i can take it. i know i can survive. i will survive and achieve my dream of becoming a doctor. i will be my own person. i am me

[mitchmarnier]

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING [SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF]

chapters: 3 of 5 pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier (reddie)   summary:  eddie kaspbrak runs an advice blog online, and he finds that maybe he’s starting to develop feelings for the cute, regular anon he gets gushing about their crush. meanwhile, richie tozier opens up his heart about falling in love to an anonymous advice blogger.

read on ao3

purple heart: I TOOK YOUR ADVICE AND THEN IMPULSE KISSED HIM AND I THOUGHT ID FUCKED UP EVERYTHING BUT THEN HE SAID IT WAS OKAY AND HE KISSED ME BEFORE I LEFT AND WE’RE HANGING OUT TONIGHT OMG DO I HAVE A BF

purple heart: holy shit i think i might have the cutest little boyfriend in the whole world how did i end up being the luckiest guy alive thank you sm your a god send to my life

purple heart: hey. i know you haven’t really been answering my messages lately idk if they’ve been being eaten or if they’re being buried in your ask or whatever. but im probably going to keep sending you messages because its the best place i can talk about my bf without my room mate yelling at me

purple heart: i think i might be in love, but i dont know if im ready to say that outloud, but ill say it to you. it doesnt feel so scary to tell you.

Ever since he and Richie had made their relationship official, just a short two weeks earlier, Eddie had short of let his advice blog slip from his mind. He and Richie had been crashing at one another’s house more often that not through these two weeks, and though they hadn’t moved any further some heated making out, Eddie had gotten pretty used to having Richie wrapping around him every night.

Richie grunted, pressing angrily at the keys on his Xbox remote. Eddie shifted so he was laying on his side, staring up at his boyfriend. He sighed happily, he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of even just mentally referring to Richie Tozier as his boyfriend. He’d been waiting for this longer than he’d even known. He’d wanted to be with Richie long before he’d finally admitted it to himself.

“Richie...” Eddie hummed, sliding his hand out to brush across Richie’s stomach. “Did I tell you that Mike is moving in with Bill?”

Richie hummed, clicking frantically at the X button, holding the remote up higher as though it would help his game skill. Eddie pushed Richie’s T-shirt up, kissing lightly at his boyfriend’s stomach. He glanced up at Richie through his lashes, seeing Richie’s half smirk settle on his face.

“You’re way hornier than I ever imagined you would be, Eds.” Richie chuckled, lowering his controller. Eddie could tell he’d won over Richie’s attention when Richie’s fingers began to slow their actions. Eddie sucked a just below Richie’s belly button, and he grinned in victory when he felt Richie’s fingers running through his hair.

Eddie rested his head on Richie’s stomach, grinning cheekily up at him. “Hi.”

One of Richie’s hands came down from Eddie’s hair to stroke at his cheek lightly. “Hey. Are you upset that Mike is moving out?”

“Awe, he does listen!” Eddie crawled up Richie’s body and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Richie let out a small, happy hum against his lips and pulled Eddie more properly flush against his body. When Eddie pulled back, he noticed the genuine concern in his boyfriend’s eyes. He sighed and rested against him. “I’m not sad that Mike is moving out. I’m going to miss having him as a room mate- and I wished he hadn’t fallen in love with- but I’m still probably going to see him a hundred times a day. It’s not like he’ll be going half away across the country, he’s just moving two blocks. But I guess I’ll be a little lonely here by myself.”

Richie rubbed at the back of Eddie’s neck, something he’d always done that Eddie hadn’t realized until recently was so domestic. Eddie pressed three quick kisses just under Richie’s chin, making the other men squirm and stifle a giggle. “Well, I won’t be lonely here, Eds. You know I’m going to be over all the time.”

“Do you want to move in?” Eddie mumbled against Richie’s neck, still mouthing at the skin mindlessly, barely aware of what he’d asked until he noticed Richie go stiff underneath him. Eddie immediately felt himself begin to panic. He rolled off of Richie and stared up at the ceiling.

“Do you...” Richie cleared his throat. “Do you want to take that question back?”

Eddie thought on it. He and Richie hadn’t been dating very long at all, but they’d been friends for years. Eddie probably would’ve asked Richie to move in if Mike moved out, whether they were in a relationship or not. “I mean... You don’t have to move in as my boyfriend. You could just move in as Richie. I have two bedrooms, I don’t need an empty bedroom.”

Richie was quiet for so long that Eddie felt his mind begin to start spinning. “Though, I get if you don’t want to.  I mean... you have a house, and a room mate... I’d understand if you don’t want to leave Stan-”

Richie laughed. “I’m sure that Stan has been long waiting the day I tell him I’m moving out.”

Eddie made a little, sad noise, reaching out to rub at Richie’s arm. “Baby, that’s not true! Stan’s probably like.. platonically in love with you, or whatever.”

Richie chuckled, dragging an arm around Eddie’s shoulders and pressing a kiss to his head. “I know, I know.” Richie took a piece of the fabric of Eddie’s shirt between his fingers and fiddled with it. “Okay but, question. Are you asking me to move in right now because you want me to, or because you accidentally blurted it out and now you’re trying to cover your ass?”

Eddie had never lied to Richie before, and he wasn't going to start now. “Maybe a little bit of both. I’d love for you to move in, but I’m also trying to cover my ass.”

Richie laughed, squeezing Eddie. “Let’s be responsible adults for one second and maybe come back to this idea.”

Eddie hummed, nuzzling into Richie’s chest. He took hold of the Xbox controller and moved it onto the bedside table. Richie laughed again, rolling Eddie onto his back and pressing down against him. “Is that what all this was? Just some huge scheme to get my attention?”

Eddie hummed with a crinkly nosed smile, cupping the back of Richie’s head and pulling him down to press their lips together. Richie responded immediately, deepening the kiss and pressing their bodies together. Richie kissed the way he did most things; full of passion and incredibly enthusiastically. It never took long for Eddie to be unable to feel his legs.

But again, like most things in Richie’s life, he was very easily distracted. After just a few minutes of heavy kissing and wandering hands, Richie was pulling back with a wet noise and an innocent expression. “Do you want some Lemon Berry? Because I don’t know about you, but I could really fucking go for a blue raspberry slushie right now.”

Eddie couldn’t be annoyed for even a second, because as soon as Richie had said it- a slushie did should amazing right then. “Yes. But I want a cherry one.”

“Oh, fuck yeah.” Richie bounced off the bed, grabbing his hoodie off the back of Eddie’s desk and double checking for his wallet. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back, and then we’re making purple.”

“Oh my God, you’re a child.” Eddie laughed.

“You love me!” Richie called over his shoulder. He dashed out the door too quickly to notice the way Eddie’s breath caught in his throat and his face turned bright red. He pressed himself further into the bed and felt his heart racing. Did he love Richie?

Well, that was a stupid question. Richie had been one of the closest people to Eddie for the last two years, of course he loved him. Which was obviously what Richie had meant by his comment just then. A simple love, not... in love, love. But was Eddie in love? He couldn’t help but recall the excitement he’d felt when he’d read Richie’s purple heart anonymous message on his blog, saying that he thought he was in love. He’d been half waiting for Richie to tell him, but he’d never truly thought about what he would say in return. Was he in love with Richie?

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting in his bed and dwelling, but soon Richie was skipping back into the room with a slushie in each hand. He had a cut on the side of his face from where he’d nicked himself shaving, and Eddie’s heart started tumbling inside his chest.

“I do.” Eddie said then, swallowing roughly and accepting the bright red drink from Richie’s hand.

“You do what?” Richie asked, crinkling his brow. Eddie flushed, because of course Richie hadn’t spent his entire trip to Lemon Berry dwelling on a passing joke he’d made. Eddie cleared his throat.

“I love you.”

Richie blinked at him three times, then dropped his eyes down to Eddie’s drink. “Hurry up and drink that.”

Eddie frowned. “What? Richie, I said-”

“I heard you.” Richie said firmly, nodding and starting to grin. “I love you, too. Now drink that stupid drink because I really wanna have purple tongues and harass Stan with the pictures.”

Eddie laughed and then drank until he got a brain freeze.

[thaliamccn-blog]

hello <3 i am diana ( u can call me di if u like ) and i am nineteen, a libra, go by she/her pronouns, n reside in the est timezone !! somethings u should kno about me…i am a girl group stan first and a human second ( stan loona stan twiceblackvelvet stan fromis 9 stan weki meki etc etc ). i am a sansa stark enthusiast and love lana del rey with my whole heart. so that’s basically me !! and now, onto thalia under the cut like this post n i’ll message u to plot!! my discord is we just wanna have some fun !#5522 if u wanna talk there, or i can message u on tumblr im’s <3

↪ son naeun. she/her. cis female. ╱ i thought i saw thalia moon getting questioned by the police. the twenty-two year old is in their third year at west bridge studying fashion design. they were at manon’s party because manon was wearing one of her designs. do you think they had something to do with her death? + eyes stained by glitter and mascara, the feeling of isolation among a crowd of people, smoking a cigarette with a glass of red wine. ◜ diana. 19. est. she/her. ◞

ok i’m gonna do my very best to keep this short because whew,,,, i’m a rambler asjdhkdjh 

i guess i will start off by saying she’s aquarius sun scorpio moon...so that’s some indication of her personality ajksdshdh,,,

she is bisexual

here is her pinterest so u can get 2 know her aesthetic <33

now onto some backstory

her father owns a development company (basically think bart bass from gossip girl but she is not chuck bass because he’s gross) and her mom is a socialite

she was raised in a wealthy family on the upper east side (nyc). she is an only child, so she grew up weaned on expensive items and became a bit materialistic because of it

because she was an only child people assumed she was always the center of attention but the truth is her parents were very neglectful of her...n she grew up to be pretty emotionally stunted whew she literally cannot deal with her emotions but we’ll get to that

her parents never really wanted kids, they just had thalia to present a family-friendly image, so they used her whenever the cameras were around

during her high school years her father ran into a bit of legal trouble because of a building he owned that burned down. he had buried the story, but word was beginning to come out again (yes i’m ripping off gossip girl ASHDKJH)

her parents divorced because of the scandal, among other things. the two of them constantly fought ever since thalia was a child, but her mom decided to remove herself from the scandal while she still had the chance (which is exactly what her moms father, aka thalia’s grandfather, told her to do)

after the divorce, thalia was left in her father’s care

during the scandal, she began to lash out and rebel against her father specifically, but he threatened to take away her trust fund if she did not behave herself. he needed thalia’s help in maintaining his image

so she agreed to stop lashing out publicly, but still continued her lifestyle on the lowkey

she always managed to get herself into trouble, but also found her way out of it one way or another

thalia took an interest in fashion design early on in her high school years and was able get two internships while she was still in high school

after the divorce, she barely ever saw her mom. not that it mattered because she didn’t see her much in the first place, but her mother ended up remarrying suddenly became a family person, leaving thalia to feel extremely bitter

as all negative things did when it came to her father, the scandal blew over and the truth went unnoticed yet again

when it was time for her to go to college, her father basically told her now that she was an adult he did not care to see her much anymore. he said her trust fund was still in place and to not hurt his image, otherwise he would take it away, but he basically severed ties. this is why she decided to move away from her home in new york city and go somewhere she thought she could be more lowkey

she hates her parents, especially her father and wants to make her own money and stop relying on her trust fund, but she’s also too materialistic to give it up...rip

and here we have some quick words about her personality:

thalia is very closed off and has a hard time trusting people

she is not necessarily shy, but feels she is often misunderstood, which is one of the reasons she is never at the center of any social event and likes to hangout along the sidelines instead

thalia is always down to try new things, she is literally up for anything. she’s the type of person who gets bored easily, so she’s always seeking the next thrill

i would not say shes mean (she can be) but she just doesn’t have the most welcoming personality, and maybe she can come off as intimidating (that’s up to ur characters of course)

her view on the world is very negative, she’s most definitely a cynic

the party/manon incident:

thalia was at the party because she asked manon to wear one of her designs. due manon being extremely popular, thalia figured she could get more recognition as a designer by asking her to wear one of her designs

she attended the party to see how people were reacting to her dress, and also because she probably would have attended anyway

she wouldn’t have exactly considered manon a friend, but manon was one of the few people thalia didn’t mistrust, so when her dead body was discovered, thalia was definitely taken aback

thalia was definitely under the influence of something, so she probably doesnt remember that night all too well

when it came to the pact, thalia was quick to agree to it. her father’s one condition for her to keep her trust fund was to stay out of trouble. she knew he could probably have saved her from the mess, but she did not want to have to seek his help

she feels weird being apart of this pact, considering she probably doesn’t trust most of them, but she also didn’t know what else to do

plot ideas (if i remember i’ll strike them out when they get taken):

step siblings - either side of her family, her mom remarried and her dad definitely could have so i would looove step sibling plots. they can b on friendlier terms, or hate each other, literally anything would work

party buddies - this is pretty basic and self explanatory, but someone thalia can go out and have fun with. their friendship is most likely surface level, or prob started that way, but it’s possible they became deeper friends (maybe thalia opened up one day when she was most likely under the influence of something)

ex-fling - thalia is definitely the non-committal type so i doubt she would ever have an ex bf or gf, but it could still have been a serious un-labeled relationship, or just an ex fling. they could be on bad terms, good terms, still have feelings, not have feelings, u name it

unrequited crush -  ur character could have feelings for thalia, but being the way she is, she doesn’t feel them back. this could develop into thalia eventually having feelings for ur muse, or not, whatever we want! OR thalia could have a crush on someone who does not like her back. maybe they’re even more emotionally unavailable than she is, or they simply do not like her back. we could plot this out however

current fling/“friends” w benefits - someone she is currently seeing/sleeping with. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t. i put “friends” in parenthesis because she probably doesn’t have many friends

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension!!! they started out hating each other, but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. i think it would b cool if they kept it a secret, they don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop however we want

ex-friends - someone thalia used to consider a close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they hate each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone thalia sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs

dynamic duo - could be thalia’s current best friend. i would say she probably doesn’t have many friends, but this person is prob one of the closest people to her and has actually managed to break down some of her walls

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be friends, but they get along and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they hate each other for whatever reason. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. i love a good enemies plot. they can just b nasty to each other!!! 

safe haven - *mini drug tw*  i did not know how to label this so i apologize for the name. but i think it would b cool if someone helped thalia out during a bad night. she typically saves herself from bad situations, but one day she couldn’t and luckily ur muse was there to help. maybe she drank too much or did too many drugs or mixed the two and ended up rly bad. either way, i would love for someone to have helped her from a tough time. she would probably feel really confused and guilty and like she owes them. maybe ur muse can manipulate her bc of it and make her do things bc she owes them, or maybe they genuinely had good intentions. i would also b down for a plot about thalia helping out someone else’s muse from a sticky situation!!

bad influence - i would loveeee for thalia to be a bad influence on someone. someone she can corrupt in a way, or just lead down a bad path akshkjhd and get them to try new, and not-so-good, things

good influence - someone to be a good influence on thalia. someone who brings out the best in her and tries to steer her down a better path

partner in crime - someone who does crazy, illegal shit w her. someone who is always down for the next adventure n they have crazy memories together

model/muse - someone who models thalia’s clothes. they could simply just be her model, or maybe they could also double as her muse, someone who inspires her best work. there can b romantic feelings there or it can b totally platonic !!!! but i think someone who models for her would be super fun

photographer - someone she partnered with to take pictures of her designs. it can be a strictly mutually beneficial business partnership, or maybe it spiraled into a sort of friendship where they bring out the best in each other (work wise) and stick together for their different projects.

childhood friends - someone who knew thalia when she grew up. maybe they knew about her weird home life, or maybe their friendship was set up by their parents. maybe they were just friends out of their own free will, but grew apart when they grew older. the possibilities are endless

roommates - they could be on good terms or bad terms. maybe thalia coming home at odd hours of the night doesnt sit well with your muse, or maybe they dont have an issue with it at all. maybe they are starting to get along and hangout more because of being roommates

tldr: thalia is an emotionally unavailable wealthy aspiring fashion designer who has issues with her parents and likes getting into trouble

[detectivehole]

Go comic feral, i followed this blog for a rEASOn and it's bc i like to hear your random vents and rants and also you reblog cool stuff. But i digress, go comic feral i am hERE for it

fine

PETER PARKER BEING RICH IS STUPID  he didnt even ern what he has himself it was nt even himn he wasnt in his body maybe if i had got to see him start fron nothing to being a cool ceo or whatever id be able to stand it but nooooooo he just GOT is for nothing so it feels stupid like “ha ha what if like tony stark haha” its DUMB and i haven’t read a spider man comic for a long time

deadpool/spiderman crossover comic bad. feels out of character a lot. funny concept and full of funny jokes but as far as characterization its bad in my opinion- was made to capitalize off the hype of the ship and we all know it

don cates should be banned from writing comics bc he fucking sucks and ill never forgive him for what he did/tried to do to venom

deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good dea

the venom movie was a lot of fun but it was very ooc a lot HOWEVER seeing some of the cut scenes and scripts you can see that it used to be actually fairly in character for the comics but a lot of scenes with eddie establishing himself as not actually the most nicest of guys (not that eddie isnt a nice guy deep down but he is a good amount fucked up with a big ol hero complex and a problem with ‘i can do no wrong” mentality sometimes) were cut and considering how the fandom for the movie treats him i can see why the cut those bits out bc i dont think movie goers would have liked him as much wich is a shame bc he is a good guy at the end of the day just fucked up

straight white male comic fans are the worst people in the world and breaking their fingers is a daydream i indulge in 

matt murdock is a himbo

foggy nelson is a good man who deserves better friends

i can tell what deadpool comics someone has read based on how they characterize wade in their fan works and i have a 80% success rate with it. the most common was the daniel way run but now its the spider-man/deadpool crossover series

soulda used miles for the mcu spidey instead of cannibalizing his story for parts like they did. dick move, Disney

mcu bad

i think just the idea of dc’s Red Tool is fucking hilarious but i dont like his character at all

batman and superman should fuck but they wont :/

matt and foggy should to but the comic industry is afraid of making long running characters lgbt bc theyre WEAK

deadpool need a canon bf they cant keep telling us hes pan and not showing us for reals- hell he could just go on one date or be shown having a one night stand or something- something beyond a damn joke

cable gay. no i will not listen to any other opinions.

im excited to read moon knight i have a book waiting i just have to finish my current one

SCUD the disposable assassin is the most underrated comic EVER and i LOVE IT however i think it ended stupid and bad however it went on fucking hiatus for like a decade and then was rapped up really fast so any ending is a godsend

i desperately want a long-form stand alone series abt wanda wilson bc shes the perfect foil for a good Feral Dumbass Woman comic. think abt it; shell sell immediately bc of recognizable brand, and then she can just go on violent stupid adventures without any of the other dp corps. it doenst have to line up with any canon i just want insane lady dp adventure comic. this is an unreasonable dream but mine none the less

i though that agent venom was stupid

tank girl is fucking amazing and i love it i never understand whats going on and i enjoy the confusion

reading early hulk comics feels like watching a weird, poorly produced old black and white sci-fi soap

there needs to be better, more easily accessed, official reading-order guides published and posted on the walls of comic shops everywhere

the 80s and 90s were the best time for marvel comics and no one can tell me otherwise. that was peak comic time

the worst time for comics was the 2000s and early 2010s

sometimes i am shocked by the art that gets the editors pass in comics. some of it is so bad and im not even talking about the disproportionate ladies

the lego marvel and dc movies are way better than the live action movies and im not even being sarcastic

seriously the 2000s made some horrible comics

i feel like committing acts of mass violence every time someone says comics arnt real reading/stories/implies theyre worth less of any value than a novel

i read the first deadpool comic i got so much that the art itself is so ingrained in my mind that people have shown my just the corners of panels and ive identified them correctly

i distinctly remember the first time the woman at the book store stopped asking me for parental permission to buy the comics i was getting (12yos) because i went there so often that she just remembered who i was and that the adult would say its fine

i refuse to talk about comics with people at cons because i am gatekept or flirted with every single time no matter what and there is no in between. and yea its because i have tits. youd think that eventually theyd learn but gross comic men never do and all the others have adopted the same policy as me so the closest i come to positive comic interaction at cons is standing in the same vicinity as another chick, looking at the same section, and the kinda smiling at each other

i think the avengers are boring. really really boring. the x-men are way better

i related to gwenpool too much when she first started and it scared/offended me so i stopped reading for a while until her character developed more and we stooped being so similar

i have spider-man bedding. i picked it out only a few months ago. its good it makes me feel cool in a very uncool way

watching spider-man as a kid made me wanna be a scientist. watching batman as a kid made me want to do martial arts. i ended up failing chemistry and falling on my face a lot instead.

i had a huge venom toy and a huge spiderman toy as a kid and while i did make them fight a lot i also made them hug just as much. i wanted them to be friends

on that note PETER IS MEAN TO THE SYMBIOTE NOW AND HE DONT EVEN HAVE A REASON NO MORE hes just such a dick about criminal reform eddie and the symbiote aint special with this- he says he believes people can be better but he really doesnt show it. he tends to think people are set in their ways and while this makes sense forthe most part considering how much hewas bullied as a kid/adult (that also contributes to his mild “i protect my own” mentality  tho at least he consciously fights that one) it stil pisses me off

i can think way more but i need to sleep i think

[gnasccr]

Shipping Info Meme

Answer the following for your muse so people know how shipping works on your blog.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER?:

as much as Noah really says he doesn’t have a type, he does. He’s really crushing hard on Azedia ( @nvrcmplt​ ), and while I wouldn’t say he’s in love with Azedia just yet (  because for noah to fall in love, that’s going to take time ), he really adores the man. Of course, there’s other characters i could see Noah eventually gaining crushes on or already has crushes on, but Azedia sparks the most emotions inside of him. There’s always the fact that Azedia being an angel might have something to do with Noah’s gravitation towards him ( even if Noah himself doesn’t know this yet ), but really, Noah thinks Azedia is the most precious thing in the world. Which is kinda funny, considering who Azedia is and that to anyone else, he’s intimating af. 

Noah isn’t completely oblivious tho. he knows there’s something a little “abnormal” about Azedia. Paired with Noah having 0 idea what Azedia does for a living. At this point, Noah’s a tiny bit afraid to ask, bc Azedia has mentioned before that he deals with blood a lot, and Noah still sits and wonders what that could possibly mean. is azedia a doctor? a cop? he only wants to think of the positives, he doesn’t want to remove the heart shaped glasses he wears when looking at the first person he’s developed real, genuine feelings for. 

i also LIVE for the fact that Noah is opening up more to Azedia, and isn’t afraid to be his worst self around the guy. Before, Noah was kinda reserved, and held off being weird and goofy in fear that Azedia would take it the wrong way. From the beginning, ( without realizing it ) Noah’s always been attracted to Azedia so he wanted to play it Cool and Collected. But now, he’s as comfortable enough with the angel as he is with his close friends, and this might have to do with Azedia also admitting his returned feelings for Noah. 

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO WRITE WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?

O shit boy, p much everything. I love it all lol, fluff, smut, angst- you name it

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

i mean, as long as an adult isn’t dating a minor, i don’t really care. especially for a fictional ship you know?? but if a 30 yr old is dating a 15 yr old, idc if it’s fictional that shit’s UHHH

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

a little bit i guess?? i definitely have to be comfortable with the mun. but for Noah in particular, i wouldn’t say that i’m selective, it’s just that Noah doesn’t develop crushes easily. and as of right now, he’s fixated on one person 

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NS/FW?

the moment genitals come into play im slapping the nsfw tag on it

WHO ARE OTHER THE CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

other characters that i can definitely see Noah gaining crushes/already has crushes on are 

@monosmazi​ - August 

@hhemeraa​ - Troy 

@carnivorarium​ - Micah 

@witchbcrnt​ - Lotte

Noah already has a minor crush on August, and the other’s would be developed over time, but again, Azedia already takes up most of his uwu feelings 

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:

this one’s kinda tough, but for Noah, i guess i’d have to say yes? for my other blogs, throw whoever you want at them idc, but Noah’s a special case. but i  also mean, me and Tala didn’t discuss Noah and Azedia catching feelings for each other, it just happened lol so idk

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?

shipping is great! i love to ship! any type of ship is good with me, be it romantic, platonic, familial, i love it all!

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:

i think i’d like to put myself somewhere in between? i really love romantic shipping, but i also like to play with other types of relationships too that aren’t just romance 

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?

i usually am! my other two blogs are multiship. but Noah is singleshipped only and that’s not gonna change

WHAT IS/ARE YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP(S) IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:

i think i already answered this up top?? and i definitely send a kiss to the ocs that Noah could get feelings for

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:

like i said before, I have to be comfy with the mun. but other than that, chemistry between muses is a must. if they’re constantly fighting and clash over every little thing, it isn’t gonna work out. and the constant building of their relationship and development of the characters inside and out of that relationship is important!! i also need to know that ur not gonna up and disappear one day and noah’s left wondering wtf happened to his bf

Tagged by: @sonderrow  (thank you!!!)

Tagging: @sansloii @dismalpeck @lovegraced @soulsxng (and whoever else wants to do it!)

[shadeofazmeinya]

So for the prompt-some kind of magic or myth / FAHC au. Gavin is the only full human or non-magical one in the crew so he is more vulnerable than the others & they are just way more protective of him. They try to not over do it cause theyre all adults here plus theyre in the gang business. But they still worry about their beautiful breakable human bf & occasionally a slip up/injury/threat will happen & it just comes out full force and they all go full on fahc violent/protective over Gav.

(a crew protective of gavvy is always my fav. im gonna use a variation of @sorcererinslytherin’s au with sorcerer Geoff, witch Michael, vamp ryan, werewolf Jeremy, and selkie Jack while keeping gavvers human!)

[AO3]

Gavin is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He’s survived a long time before even joining this little crew and has proven himself over and over that he can handle a little danger. He can handle himself. At least against other humans.

Other creatures and magic users were a whole other story.

Not that Gavin didn’t know what to do with them either. He’s gotten countless charms and tips from his crew on how to handle all the various ones that this dark city houses. Normally he can be pretty decent at it and keep himself from falling into any various traps of the supernatural beings that prey on humans like him. Normally. It’s a little more difficult when he’s directly targeted. And alone.

He wasn’t supposed to be alone of course, but he had just been trying to grab some food from a place close to the penthouse and it hadn’t been completely dark outside. He had his pistol on him, which was supposed to be enough but that doesn’t work on beings that don’t get bloody hurt from bullets.

“Look what we have here,” a voice purrs behind Gavin shoving him into an alleyway, away from the pedestrians rushing through the city. The figure had been following him, Gavin noticed and had tried to speed up but they went from half a block away to right behind him in the blink of an eye. “The Fake’s little toy, isn’t it?”

Gavin doesn’t allow himself to panic right away, instead visibly reaching for his gun. “Look, I appreciate a fan as much as the next bloke, but I’m pretty busy. If you just move along, I think it’ll be better for the both of us.”

The man – creature - laughs, revealing a row of sharp jagged teeth that remind him of a shark. When he looks down to Gavin he can see unnaturally yellowed eyes. Gavin swallows, narrowing his eyes and raising his gun, but deep down knowing it wasn’t going to help. Especially as it only makes the other laugh some more.

“Listen, luv, I’d love to stay and chat, but you need to let me get going,” Gavin tries regardless, keeping his face still and his gun firm. He flicks off the safety, trying to show he was a threat. That he will fire if he needs to.

But he doesn’t get the chance. The monster in front of him jumps forward, faster than Gavin could react and he’s thrown against the wall as the gun is ripped from his hands. Gavin gasps, his breath punched from his lungs as he back hits the hard brick wall.

The creature looms above him, a hand wrapping around his throat to keep him up and pinned. Gavin can feel his rotten breath, see the specs of blood on the white teeth. “You smell like all of them,” he whispers, hand tightening. “Knew you had a werewolf on that little crew, vampire isn’t surprising. But you got a mix of something else there.”

Gavin flinches back as he leans closer, hands trying to pull his hands off of him, but they were set like stone. Gavin’s heart hammers in his chest, trying to kick at him, trying to fight, but he’s barely strong enough against humans, let alone someone with supernatural strength.

“Seems like you have quite the bit of magic around you as well,” he purrs. “All those little charms aren’t going to help you here, little human.” He grabs a necklace with his other hand, ripping it off and throwing it to the side, ignoring the spark of magic the fizzles out of it.

Gavin snarls, snapping at his hands as his gifted charm is tossed to the ground like trash. If he can just get him off him a little, maybe he could run. Maybe he could call the others. Maybe he can fucking do anything to get out of this stranger’s grasp -

“Oh, he’s got some teeth on him,” he coos, tightening his hand and shoving Gavin back against the wall.

The world spins for a second, vision blurring as stars shimmer in the corner of his eyes. He coughs, airway constricting from his hands, chest heaving.

“Well, I’ve got some teeth too. And you seem awfully tasty.”

Before Gavin can even start fighting again, the monster leans down and bites down on Gavin’s shoulder. Gavin cries out, the pain bright and bursting as the dagger-like teeth dig through his flesh, carving through muscle. He fights more in his hold, wildly throwing his hand down across his head to try to get him off, try to hurt him enough to loosen his hold, anything to get him to let go.

After several strikes, the other grunts, letting go of his shoulder. He growls some inhuman noise, rumbling through his whole body, Gavin’s blood dripping from his lips.

“Best not being doing that, human,” he spits. “Be a lot less painful for you.”

Gavin kicks him again, hard not caring about the pain in his own legs, hitting in the groin. The monster howls at it, hand loosening but not enough. When Gavin tries to move, he’s only shoved back again, tossed further into the alleyway. Gavin sprawls onto the ground with a yell, his wounded shoulder smashing into the pavement. Gavin tried to move amongst the dirt and grime of the alleyway, feet kicking to try to move his body away, move anywhere, but the monster just steps closer, standing directly above him and growling. As Gavin looks up, raising his arms to block whatever pain his next move will bring, Gavin can swear his eyes were glowing, red.

The creature raises a hand, now clawed. Sharped, crooked, fingers mangled and bent. Gavin closes his eyes, bracing for the worst, fear spiking through his body. Please let this not be how he dies, in some gross ass alleyway, ripped apart by something he should’ve protected himself from.

But the blow never comes, the claws never cut. As Gavin lays tense, a loud howl interrupts, wild, furious. He blinks his eyes open as he hears bodies collide, hears the attacker being thrown away. Gavin scrambles away, as horrific growls and grunts sound besides him, snarls and yelps of pain.

Gavin’s breath comes quick, puffs of white breaking into the chilling air around him as he pulls himself up, back resting against something solid. His body shakes, shoulder still on fire and the feeling starting to spread down his arm, across his chest. Colors mesh together, sounds dulling, as dizziness floods his head.

He hears some distant shout, something that’s familiar. Footsteps rush towards him, another shout. Gavin blinks over, trying to piece together what the shouting all meant.

He doesn’t get to find out because the second the voices reach him, he collapses and the world goes dark.

Gavin wakes slowly, hearing soft, familiar murmuring besides him. He moves his hands a little, feeling a weight laying in one of them, a soft blanket under them. He’s in a bed that much he can figure right away. And as he slowly pulls his eyes open, the voices are familiar as they say his name.

Gavin blinks to see Jack’s face first, smiling softly right in front of him, feeling her hands brushing softly through his hair. “Hey, baby,” her voice sounds saddened, in a way that makes Gavin frown.

“Jack?” he mumbles, voice rough. “What-?” He tries sitting up, but it pulls on his shoulder, making him hiss in pain and fall back down.

“Take it easy,” Jack says, gently pushing him down. “You’re ok. We got you.”

“How are you feeling?” another voice says besides him, taking his other hand. Gavin blearily looks over and recognizes the sharpened fangs and pale skin.

“Like I got bit by a shark, Rye,” Gavin grumbles, looking around a little more to see that he was in the guest room at their penthouse. Geoff was there as well, moving over besides Ryan. Jeremy and Michael were passed out in a chair that had been brought over, even though he knows they have a whole other bed for them to be sleeping in.

“Well, you’re close,” Geoff says with a small smile. “More like a venomous shark.”

“Venomous?” Gavin frowns, looking at the other two and seeing the worry holding in their eyes.

“It’s ok,” Jack says regardless, squeezing his hand. “It’s all gone. Geoff and Michael were able to get it out. Scared us for a while, but you’re ok.”

The assurance only makes Gavin frown more, looking between them. “How bad?”

“You remember anything?” Geoff says hesitantly. When Gavin shakes his head he tries, poorly, to hide his relief. “You were just ill for a while,” he says softly. “It was just like a bad flu. But we were able to heal you right back up. Shoulder stitched and everything. You’re all good.”

Gavin sighs and nods, accepting it for now. “Alright,” he mumbles, already feeling exhaustion creep back up again.

“Go back to sleep,” Ryan says, leaning down to press a soft kiss to his forehead, earning a small smile from Gavin. “We’ll all be here when you wake up again.”

Gavin wants to protest, but all that comes out is a yawn and a sigh. “Join me?” he says instead, looking up with big eyes to them.

Ryan gives a small chuckle, glancing to the other two as if to be sure. Jack chuckles and nods and that’s all Ryan needs to climb carefully into the bed and lay to Gavin’s uninjured side. Gavin smiles back, curling into Ryan’s side, letting his eyes close. Ryan strokes through his hair, holding him as he can feel him falling asleep, safe and warm against his side.

“You think we should tell him how bad it really was?” Jack whispers to Geoff as they see Gavin fast asleep.

“He doesn’t need to know,” Geoff frowns, looking over to her. “If he doesn’t remember the fucking night terrors and screaming from the last two days, he doesn’t need to know. Let’s just keep getting the fucking venom out of his system.”

Jack sighs, disproving but too tired to fight right now. “Fine. Not right now. Let’s just get some rest. I think that’s what we all need.”

Geoff nods, frowning back down to their human’s soft, resting face. “We’re going to need to give him more protections. He’s too fragile to everything, there’s so fucking much that can hurt him-“

“And there’s so much that he’s hurt,” Jack gently reminds, reaching over to take his hand in hers. “He’s strong. Remember that. We’ll up the protections, but remember he’s dangerous too.”

Geoff lets out a long sigh, holding tightly to her head. “Maybe. But that’s for later. Once all of us are better.”

“Ok,” Jack says, leaning over and kissing his cheek. “Once we’re all better.”

[noblehope]

Hey! When you get the time/drive, I really want to know what personally draws you to your muse! What is it that inspires you so much? What do you admire in them? What do they mean to you? Just give me a sweet, sweet feelings dump :D

   … ah. No one’s ever really asked me this before, I think??? It actually caught me off guard. I’m still hibernating until my days off again but I really want… to answer this now. Though forgive me cause???? Idk where I’m going with this.

   I… I really don’t know how to answer this, I’m sorry. It’s a very… hm. Idk, I’m actually not that good at describing stuff when it comes to me personally. 

   I’m drawn to… Everything about her. It’s weird how important she’s become to me. I’ve had other favorites, other characters I felt a bond with and adored, but throughout my life Sonia’s just been special. Even new characters in new fandoms I get involved in (karma from c/inderella phenomenon, zeno fro a/katsuki no yona) I really can’t explain it unless you have yourself. She’s been a constant in my every day life and I don’t remember how or why it started.

   She wasn’t one I was drawn to at first. I remember, I did Twog/ami’s and G/undam’s ftes first. Those were my first “I really like them”. I just… I can’t remember, but by the end I really did like her most of all. She was the one who led me to roleplaying on tumblr, not Sakura. I had… roleplayed a little bit with my bf at the time on Skype as her and Peko, but I liked rping Sonia more. Haha, I wonder… how would this all have turned out if I had chosen Peko instead? I plan on rping her at some point so we’ll see how that goes.

   Okay, I looked back on my steam trophies and I see that I completed Sonia’s FTEs on May 6th, 2016. I beat the game on May 12th, and Sonia was the 3rd one I had completed (Gundam first though it would’ve been twogami first if he fucking lived i remember now how i had nyoomed to finish his in island mode, Fuyuhiko second which I remember blazing through during the fun house because of being fucked locked from his ftes and THE 2ND TRIAL UGH I NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON IN HIS HEAD,  and the final event revealing that he survives somehow but yes)

    So yes, of the survivors by that point I can definitely see that she had won my attention since I didn’t complete any others during my run in story mode. But… that brings again, why?

   Okay let me ramble on for a second about my other favs of the franchise: Sakura, and Hoshi. They all seem such different characters but I believed it was around mm… this time last year, that I discovered what they all had in common: some kind of self sacrifice.

   Hoshi sacrificing his future for revenge, Sakura sacrificing her life for her friends, and Sonia sacrificing her desires and wants for her country. That is a big thing why I adore her, I would say it is the second thing, but we still haven’t reached the root of her importance to me beyond just “everything”, and I do mean Everything, even her flaws, though that’s a topic for another time.

     “Do you not agree that dismissing a different set of values due to ignorance is foolish?”

   This. This is the driving force behind my interpretation of Sonia, and always will be. This reflects so much in the game. How she’s the one to ask everyone if tying up Komaeda will solve anything, but if it’s what’s everyone agrees to she won’t object. She’s genuinely the only person in game to stop and think about Komaeda even if he is “troublesome” (excluding Chiaki and Hajime), and I spotted that a mile away even when I hated his guts in story mode. It doesn’t matter to her if someone’s ways of thinking is strange, she wants to understand. She wants to know how they think, and this extends to her interest in true crime and serial killers as they shouldn’t be thought of as “mere murderers”, because their reasonings are far more complex than that. It doesn’t mean she will agree with them, but she doesn’t want to dismiss them as just.. unreasonable, because to them they are being reasonable and just have different values. She wants to know the why.

   As well though this is just my headcanon, Sonia’s been stalked with the intention of being murdered. It’s cathartic to her to learn about things like this. Again, that’s a topic for another time tho since this is getting way too long.

   She’s so… often thought as naive, but that shouldn’t be confused as ignorant. The language barrier doesn’t help. Sonia’s one of the smartest in the cast and I will defend that as truth forever??? She’s so so smart, she’s so talented, like holy shit. 30 languages? All these topics that’s required of her to know because of her being apart of this strange and almost fairytale-like land’s royal family? Like, holy shit.

   But, we learn through the little tidbits she gives us Novoselic is far from perfect. You can read in between the lines (um hello? Weapons everywhere despite it being a peaceful nation? Basically raising children soldiers with them knowing how to drive tanks in grade school? An underground blackmarket for creatures we only know are a nobility status and required for courting, and grow/shrink when angered and scared or whatever I think that’s it tho?), and see how unhappy she is with her country with certain things. (Sonia mentions how consuming a Skong is her country’s ritual for her to be recognized as an adult but she refuses to do it) She wants to change her country for the better. It’s time to move forward and Sonia wants to be the one to start it.

    There’s also so much she’s hiding from everyone. Her final FTE is her breaking down in front of Hajime, collapsing and sobbing in his arms as she cries out how she wants to go home. How he thinks she’s finally letting herself act like a normal girl, and how before he had thought “of course she’s scared”, when he sees her hands shaking and that being her only betrayal. It’s just…. gahhhh… I could talk about her for hours.

   She’s just so… so, so amazing. There’s a fire inside her and just this overwhelming kindness to everyone and she’s so strong. She inspires me. She’s so fun to explore and crack at because I want her to experience everything, and imagining her in alternate universes like siren sonia or serial killer sonia (which um I’ll start up again someday) is so fun, because I always make sure she is still Sonia at her core. I want her to feel, I want her to break, get angry, fall in love, develop both positively and negatively and see how it changes her.    I’ve said it before but always kinda jokingly… idk, the best answer to “what does she mean to you” is… Idk, she’s my daughter. Not my waifu, not my lover, not my whatever. A daughter. I love her. She makes me happy. I have a little nendoroid of her??? And I kiss her little head for good luck when I’m going out and feeling nervous, and it’s my favorite thing in this world, I about cried when I got her as it was random chance. I’m… IDK IM CRYING RIGHT NOW. There’s so much to say about her but I can’t say it properly just how much she means to me and why she inspires me so. She just does, she’s not perfect but she’s so wonderfully important to me, not only for my creativity, but like. She’s my rock.

   It’s… really something, when you learn so much both about the world and yourself through roleplaying and researching a muse. And, just what I’ve been through, it’s all because of her. I don’t think things would’ve been the same if I had chosen someone ese to roleplay first…  I’ve had people compare Sonia to me, and gosh is that a delightful feeling that makes me smile. She’s radiant and makes people feel at ease, and it’s a blessing to know I evoke the same emotions and people feel strongly enough to make a comparison. That I’m doing something right. I don’t think she is me, I’d never use the word kin, its just… idk? Being compared to someone you really care about is an amazing feeling. It makes me want to keep doing what I’m doing.

    But ahh… I’m, rambling so much and Idek if I’M MAKING SENSE? I love her, I really love her, and nothing comes close to what ideas she’s given to me and what peace she brings as well. Like okay, Ik it’s fun to shit on ko/daka a lot but I’m so thankful for him bringing her into existence.     Ughhhh I’m crying and CANT SEE ANYMORE so maybe this is where it should end. Please just know I absolutely adore this character and I am honored that I bring her to life for people through roleplay and invoking emotions (being proud of her, being scared for her, etc, not only just cause Sonia but gosh is it powerful when you know people are moved by your writing) through that, that I can bring others to appreciate her (even Sonia haters to liking her, which is such a feat) and love her too. To make people understand her a bit more and how many layers, some even contradictory, she has.   I really really hope this makes things a bit clearer even if it’s a mess of emotions, and that it’s the sweet sweet feels dump that you wanted.

   there’s so much more i can say but i figure this is enough